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gguk-n · 11 months ago

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Chapter 1- Anonymous Conversations

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N formed an unexpected bond with a boy behind the screen. He doesn't have many interest it seems, except for reading her stupid poems.

{Reader's POV}

12/07/2012

Dear Diary, Stella is leaving for Canada tomorrow forever. Today was the last day of school before the summer break so I went to Stella's house after school. It's so shitty, how can she leave me like this and before the start of high school. I don't have any friends other than her, what am I supposed to do??? This isn't fair, first Faye moved back to her home country a couple years back and now Stella. It's like they don't even care about me. I made a google plus account so we can stay in touch. Actually everyone's on google plus, I'm just late to the party. I'm sure we'll still be close.

02/01/2013

OMG!! I think I'm in love. There's this new boy band, One Direction. Ava told me about them last year but I brushed her off saying they weren't my cup of tea, but OMG!!! They are fucking perfect and I love Niall so much. He's so cute and has the dreamiest eyes and his accent, I'm gonna faint. I bought the Take Me Home album yesterday!! I even put up their poster above my bed, hehe!! Sooooo, I may or may not be writing now. I think I'm gonna be an author. The stuff isn't great like Shakespeare but I'm sure I'll improve. I've written a couple poems and Aria read them and she thinks they are great. I'm gonna start uploading them on google plus. I made a separate page for it, under a pseudonym. If I really improve, maybe I can publish my work.

I was sat at my laptop, typing the latest story I came up with during lunch so I could upload it. There were a lot of people who were reading my work and even encouraged me. There is improvement, but then again, we can do better, I'm sure. My parents aren't very happy with how I'm wasting my time writing instead of focusing on my education since I'm in high school now. I finished typing the story and clicked the upload button, I got a comment on the post. It was from this guy, named Max, just Max. He always read all of my work and writes the nicest comments under them. I haven't spoken to him personally ever since my mother kept warning me about stranger danger and that it could be some 50 year old dude. But his comments are encouraging and make me want to write more. I hope he knows the kind of effect he's having on me.

My birthday is in a couple of days, I don't know what I'll do since I don't really have a lot of friends. Even Aria is away during that time, so I don't really have anyone to go out with. My parents are busy as always.

So, out of desperation or sadness, I don't know which one, I posted on google plus saying that it was my birthday. The first person who replied was Max as always. I really wanna know when this guy sleeps or how he gets any work done if he is online so much. He messaged me personally too, to wish me again and even asked what I did. I couldn't lie because my heart was heavy, so I told him. I literally just unloaded about not having any friends and spending the day alone because work was more important for my parents. He was so nice about it. He spent the next hour talking to me and cheering me up. He's apparently 15, from Netherlands. He loves cats and lives with his dad and sister. He sounds like a fun guy.

After that, both of us ended up chatting on google plus regularly. I would message him immediately after school and spend the next couple of hours talking to him. Some times, he'd be gone a couple weekends but it was no biggy. I'm sure he had other commitments instead of entertaining a dumb teenager.

Max's birthday is on 30 September. I wanted to be the first one, so I stayed up late to match the dutch timings and wished him. He replied a little while later. He wasn't very excited about it. I get it, maybe his friends aren't there or couldn't make it to his birthday. I was gonna cheer him like he cheered me up. I wish I could send him a present. He really was a light in dark time. When I had no friends in school I could rely on, he came like the knight in shining armour. I just want to be a good and reliable friend to him like he is to me. He is such a sweetheart. We've never spoken on call yet. I guess I'm still a little scared and we've only known each other for a few months. I'm gonna hold on that but Max is a genuinely nice person in my eyes. But his dad doesn't sound like the nicest person from what he says, but I can't tell him that his dad is shitty so I just read his texts.

18/12/2013

Dear Diary, Maxie is the cutest. I haven't seen or heard him yet but I feel like he is. Otherwise, why would he encourage me to follow my dreams? He was so understanding and gave great advice. You might wonder why I needed the advice, diary. I told my parents I wanna pursue a degree in literature and we had a huge fight since apparently I'm throwing my life away and I should try to get a proper degree that might get me a job. Apparently, I'm not thinking straight. I've been thinking about becoming an author for some time now, it's my one passion, I've realised. And if it means struggling, I would rather struggle and be happy than be in a dead end job. Just because they are some big shot business people doesn't mean I wanna do that do. ugh!!! I hate them. Maxie calmed me down honestly, he heard me out and told me it was okay to follow my dreams. I think he is such a good friend. I won't tell him that, he has a big ego as is. LOL!!

I've been gaining a lot of traction on my posts on google plus. I have a couple thousand followers but Max is the most active of them all. Max is so effortlessly funny. He did ask one time if we could talk on call, I told him that my microphone was broken. I'm still a little skeptical. I know, even though I'm literally sharing everything with him, I've never spoken on call or video with him. Maybe some day.

04/03/2014

Dear Diary, I got a new phone and a new number. The previous one was one of my parents multiple numbers but this one is my own. I feel like an adult, hehe!! I made a whatsapp, maybe I'll share my number with Maxie and we might start chatting on there. Google plus had become a bit of hassle and I'm not uploading on it like I used to. I usually only open it to talk to Max. I think it would be better to shift it to another service. He's been a little busy this year compared to the last, didn't tell me much but I think it has to do with him being in his final year of high school. Can't relate, but I hope I'm done with high school soon. It fucking sucks. But on the bright side, I've gotten close to Nia and Aria and I could call Aria my best friend but she considers Nia her best friend. I don't mind being her friend. I have Max anyways.

Max has been quite busy lately, but I don't blame him. I would be busy in my final year of high school too. Even with all that, he has taken time out to talk to me. I did share my number with him, so now instead of google plus, which is a barren wasteland, we text on whatsapp. I've suggested talking on call some time when he's free, which hasn't happened yet.

We had set up a time to talk, it was really early here but I didn't mind, I was up anyways. I couldn't wait to hear his voice. I was anxious as well, what if he's some pedophile; all these thoughts raced through my head when my phone rang. Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Fuck was he flirting, is this flirting? A million thoughts ran through my head, no one's ever flirted with me before. I felt my cheeks heat up. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. There was a pause on the other end. I heard shuffling. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! The conversation flowed smoothly. It didn't feel like we were talking on call for the first time. I had a lot of fun talking to Max. He sounds like a teenager, much to my relief. He's just as funny on call as he is on text.

After that, we ended up calling each other regularly. Max would answer my calls whenever but sometimes I felt bad about calling him at the crack ass of dawn in Netherland so I would avoid calling him whenever. He is so kind and listens well but damn does he talk. Every one who knows me calls me talkative, if they heard Max their ears would bleed. But I like hearing him talk, he has the most random and vast knowledge, he's helped me write too many of my papers because I didn't have to research, I could just ask him; he's like a walking encyclopedia.

17/05/2015

Dear Diary, I think I'm in love. It's not some celebrity this time but I think it's Max. I don't even know that dude's last name but I'm in love. He not like the guys in school, he's so mature and funny and sweet and understanding and he supports me so much. I didn't know when or how but I think I love him. Obviously I won't tell him. It's prolly a crush since I have't dated anyone ever. I'll get over it, can't ruin my friendship over this. As is, he has gotten so busy. I think he is going to college. He didn't say it explicitly but why else would he be so busy right now if not applying for colleges. I don't know the dutch education system but I'm sure he busy pursuing higher education. He said he liked cars, I think he'll do something with cars. I didn't really ask in more details. I'm sure he'll tell me when he wants to. We have a chill friendship, we share when and what we want to. Alas, I hope this crush doesn't ruin my friendship.

09/08/2015

This is bad, my crush on Max has only gone on to increase. He's so kind to me, what am I supposed to do? Also he's the only one who can calm me down after a fight with my parents regarding my future. Sadly, he gotten so busy. He's gone for a while every few weeks. But lately he's been free. We've been talking a lot. He sounds a lot more rested lately too. I'm sure college is tough. But he's strong and I know he'll do it.

[Little did Y/N know, Max was busy racing across the world in Redbull's junior team. He was in his first year as a formula one driver, hence he was so busy. Max had no intentions of telling her, he liked being just Max, a guy from Netherlands who could talk to her. He enjoyed the disconnect he got with her]

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thoraeth · 1 year ago

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A/N: 850 words, gn!reader. You're the personal assistant of the weirdest punk band in the Grand Line and today you're having a breakdown. Unfortunately, Buggy has no intentions of leaving you alone.

[One Piece punk band AU/ modern AU]

Cut out for the job

The door slams closed. You kick your sneakers away, enjoying the silence of your hotel room.

You haven't been able to catch your breath all day: Mr. Trafalgar called at 6 am because Ace was held at the police station; third time this month. Then it was Barto's turn. He needed your opinion on a nice gift for his nana, but kept arguing that your ideas were stupid. Franky gave you a migraine, shouting left and right during the band's weekly meeting and Buggy…oh, Buggy. He was insufferable these days: snappy, needy, tense, constantly asking you to fetch him stuff, to take him places.

You’re starting to feel like you’re never enough, drowning in this chaotic routine.

You can almost hear your mother's voice in your head: “Are you really throwing your life away to follow a band of idiots?!” Well, in your defense, being a band’s personal assistant was supposed to be fun. But now? Here you are, tired, sad and underpaid, living in yet another horrible hotel room. Maybe you're not cut out for this job.

Your phone glows up, a text from Buggy. “It's 11 pm for fuck's sake!” you shout, throwing the buzzing device on the sofa.

Buggy has been doing it for weeks: every night he sends you tons of messages for the most trivial stuff. He’s lost his mascara, bought ten pairs of shoes, whines about his paycheck. A bratty, pushy attitude he’s never had before.

In fact, the two of you used to have the most interesting conversations and a special chemistry that made you feel some type of way more than once. Like that night, backstage. The glances, the gentle touching while you helped him getting dressed…you can still feel the goosebumps on your skin.

You pick up your phone, puffing at the crowd of notifications.

[Hey, you still up? Listen, face paint is running out, I’m thinking cherry 3.2 this time but I’m not sure if 1 or 2 cans.

Heyyyy are you ignoring me?? 👺😭 You sleeping already?]

[Oi Bug, can we discuss this tomorrow? It's way past my working hours.]

[...ok.]

[Rough day, I really need to unwind 🥲]

[ Wanna hang out? A little fun will make you feel better.]

[ Thanks but I’m done with work, see you tomorrow!]

[seen 00:15 AM]

[Buggy? You ok?]

[seen 00:50 AM]

“Shit. He's upset now.” You whisper, your eyes and mouth wide open “What if he gets me fired?”

You feel low-key furious: you shouldn't be punished for setting boundaries. If he’s playing the cocky boss during the day, you can play that game too and clock out at night. Screw him.

The sudden sound of the doorbell makes you jump out of your skin. “Hey it's me.” A familiar voice comes from outside the door, muffled.

Stomping to the peephole, you see Buggy. He’s nervously thinkering with his blue hair, pacing back and forth in the duck hoodie you got him for his birthday.

“Are you serious?” You ask, opening up.

“I know, I’m sorry. Just five minutes and I'll be gone.”

Buggy's not wearing his piercings and face paint; he looks serious, a bit scared. His ice blue eyes stare at you in silence and all your anger seems to melt away as he sits on the sofa.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Am I fired…?”

“What? No!” He shrieks, outraged. “Just sit, please.”

The second you're next to him, Buggy focuses on his boots, hands twitching on his knees.

“I-I know I've been a bit of an asshole lately.” He stutters. “I drove you crazy asking tons of stuff and…”

“You’re being a pain in the ass. Yes.”

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to spend more time with you but I messed up.” Buggy side-eyes you, his face red and flustered.

“I think I like you. A lot.”

Those words make your heart race so fast you can barely breathe.

He continues: “I tried to write to you, but every time… I couldn't say it the way I wanted.”

“Is that why you kept texting me for hours every night?!” you snap, breaking your silence.

Buggy jumps back in his seat “I didn't realize I was bothering you! I've always enjoyed our silly chats. But I'll stop, I got it now. We're just colleagues.”

You burst out laughing. Buggy leans towards you, shouting things you can't hear over the joy exploding in your chest.

He's about to get up, distraught, when you reach for his neck and pull him towards you, pressing your lips on his. Still a bit surprised, Buggy melts into your kiss, holding you so tight it almost hurts.

“For a second I thought I didn't want this job anymore.” You chuckle in between kisses.

“I’ll ask Trafalgar to give you a raise, then.”

“He's gonna fire us both when he knows about this.”

You dive your back into the sofa, pressed under Buggy’s weight. As he kisses and laughs into your neck, you remember why you decided to follow this band of idiots in the first place: there’s no other place in the world where you’ve felt more alive.

#nevermind the blorbos #one piece fanfiction #band au #buggy the clown #buggy fic #buggy fanfiction #buggy x you #buggy x reader #one piece buggy #barto club #bartolomeo one piece #ace one piece #trafalgar law #franky one piece

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spacesummerchronicles · 25 days ago

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Space's Summer Chronicles #1: June 1st

Something incomparable about being a child is the feeling of an eternal summer - a period of time that feels way longer than three months and a half that's always jam-packed with unforgettable experiences, no single day a drag to push through. Then it all starts to change as you get more and more responsibilities and you turn cynical. I miss the feeling of an all-encompassing summer and I've made it my mission to recreate it (or at least come super close).

I'd rate June 1st a 6/10. I slept in, doomscrolled and then met up with my friend to pick up her boyfriend from work and then drove to some magical giant bells to do a spell to guarantee her fortune and peace of mind. Then, we went to the store so they could pick out dinner. Perfectly average day, but it gets a +1 point cause we did all of that while driving my convertible with the top down while listening to summer-ish music so it was a little cinematic.

However. This level of quality won't do anymore. I want variety, I want things to do and I want this summer to drag out, I want to be utterly drained by the amount of things I've done by the end of it. Starting tomorrow, I'm working part-time from home so past 2pm, the world is mine for the taking.

Today I saw the most wonderful skies. At 5.30 pm it was like.... so pale blue it was white but also so many white wonderful clouds, I couldn't capture it properly cause I was driving but you can see it at the bottom of the post.

random thought: everyone is dragging Damiano David for "selling out" and "becoming Americanized" but his love song for Dove Cameron is really beautiful. But then again, I am a shallow bitch.

Rough plan for the summer:

June 1st - June 5th: Nothing planned yet, except one of my friends' birthday on the third.

June 6th - June 14th: Going to Budapest!

June 15th - June 20th: Catching up with friends and having a very alcoholic picnic on the 15th.

June 21st - July 7th: Spending it by the coast! EVERY DAY!

July 8th - July 13th: My cousin's coming to the city so I'll leave the coast and we'll party it up.

July 14th - July 31st: Me and my cousin take on the coast!

August 1st - August 8th: All my friends are coming to the coast to sleep at my apartment and party!

August 9th - September: Undecided

Late September - All inclusive 8 day trip to Turkey!

A small bucket list of things I wanna do this summer:

Decorate my car with rhinestones - My old car was FULLY glammed up and had a space theme and it's been a year since I got a new one so that won't do! I feel like I'm betraying myself by not expressing myself through my car so I will be doing that soon. It will have a ruby theme cause my convertible has red leather seats.

Alcoholic picnic with friends - Something I really miss from my preteen days is just spending the whole day together with my friends doing absolutely nothing so I can't wait for me and them to go have a picnic together, get drunk and just listen to music, draw, write, do whatever for the whole afternoon and then watch the sunset.

Explore a lot of the hidden beaches on the coast - Considering I'll be by the coast for at least 70% of the summer I wanna see it all and see all the cool little spots and nooks that are overlooked by people.

50 - 100 pushups every day - I will be attending Kesha's Tits Out Tour next year and I want my tits to be in top shape so I can wear a mesh top!

Start producing - I've been taking singing lessons for three years and I wanna learn how to produce so I can make my own songs! I think I'll start by doing covers so I can improve, I think I'll start with The Louvre by Lorde, I love that song.

Learn the piano - My grandpa had this synthesizer and it's been in my room for a few years now and I only barely know how to play the vocal topline from Paparazzi by Lady Gaga. I wanna learn how to play piano and I will.

Read my grandparents' books - There is a big box of books that belonged to my late grandparents from the 80s (it's a very small part of their total collection) and I wanna make my way through them all! Planning to read them on the beach.

Write - I love writing, it's emotionally exhausting to me but once I'm done I love what I've written. This goes for everything - song lyrics, short stories, novels. I always have a big fear of starting cause what if my first finished work isn't fully indicative of the person I am but then again.... who am I? I have a feeling that whatever I write will fit into the ultimate idea of me. We'll see. I have to try.

This bucket list will expand soon!

Some pictures from today:

#space's summer chronicles #space speaks #june 1st

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skinteabinchesneverea · 1 month ago

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Having tumblr people that follow this blog is kind of fun! It’s so weird having a voice on the internet.

Here’s how my day went:

It’s actually starts with last night. So I could not sleep for the life of me and I was having insane test anxiety for my final today. I kept masturbating to try to exhaust myself to sleep but it didn’t even work. I think I was too hungry too. I finally got up half past 3 am and decided to do my normal morning routine and then by 5 am I was ready but no campus libraries were open to I decided to try to take a small nap and I ended up waking up around 9 with my school clothes on and I was on top of the covers

And then I went to get a copy of my key for my friend (who’s being a bitch rn) could catsit my cat and then the guy to copy the keys says comeback in 40 minutes to I spend 15 minutes walking back to campus to kill time then 30 minutes trying to review then 15 minutes to get the key and then the key is done but it’s like 8$ and the minimum for card is $10 and I only have $6. So I have to add a brita filter and somehow now it’s was $22 so they jacked the price up

Then I finally make it to the math library and I drink my Yerba matter and eat my granolas bars and try to force myself to do math then finally at 15:30 I got to the classroom and sit outside and review practice tests and my study guide I made literally that day.

Then inside the classroom the other students are talking about how they had 5 finals this week and it’s their freshman year but so much harder than highschool. And 😳😀 bc I am fucking 24 and only taking two classes and doing research.

Then the tests starts and thankfully some of my studying definitely helped. I was categorizing problems as I solved them “done?” “Needs a lottt more” “more?” So I could keep track. No body is leaving the test early everyone is working to the last minute. Everyone is asking questions and I honestly should’ve asked too but I just decided to focus on the other problems and getting all of them. Then the girl next to me leaves, early, she’s the only one. Then finally 7 minutes until the test is over I feel like there’s nothing more for me to do. So I turn it in (very awkwardly haha) and it feels like everyone’s watching me.

I’m so tired and sweaty and just want to go home. I’m planning on getting high later and I’m trying to figure out my high cravings. And finally I realize I want hibiscus green tea with basil seeds at Gong Cha and I want a big bowl of lettuce with my left over Trader Joe’s green goddess salad dressing (username😉😉). Then I come home and the fucking copy of the key doesn’t work. I wasted on this time and stress on getting the key copy and getting it to my bitch ass friend and then back to studying only for the copy not to work. I can’t help but cry and just sit on the floor and a couple neighbors definitely saw I think lol. Then I call to get someone to come unlock it for me but THIS FUCKING SCHOOL says it would be $50!!! I said nope let me try something else. Not the stupid building manager saying it’s not too late when it is too late. Ugh anyway, I call bitchass friend and tell her and she suggests meeting me halfway?? Girl I’m in crisis, so then I finally graciously offer to meet her at her train stop and then I get there and this girl is nowhere to be found so I walk the 2 minutes to her apt. And she’s barely coming out and I grab the keys and she lamely says sorry that the situation happened and I just quickly say no it’s okay it’s fine, and then I go back to the train and try to call a different locksmith to get a copy before my flight tomorrow morning and to see if their machine is up and running by tomorrow. Then they say cal back at 1pm tomorrow… ugh?? I have a flight sir

So then I decide I’m treating myself to pizza and I got off a stop early to grab pizza from this place and there’s a sign that clearly says 2 slices and get 1 soda free! So I think sure I want 2 slices but then when I ask even in my nice girl voice he just says “No.” with out even looking at me. And setting the machine to card automatically lmao. (The soda was going to be for bitchass friend to like me more). Then with my big ass bulging backpack I finally grab my pizza and it’s warm and I walk 10+ blocks with a blister forming to then get a scan of my keys done so I can get them mailed to me for when I come back.

After finally doing this- I go through the entrance not exit so I fully have to do a lap before I make it to the key machine in this grocery store, I make get my key but I swear it feels like everyone is watching me type my information in which is kind of scary. Then I leave to go back to my apartment and the blister is hurting, only like 10 more minutes. I’m fantasizing what I’m going to do as soon as I get home and I’m envision the separate steps super specifically. I’m going to take the elevator and be lazy I’m going to have a pee and change to comfy clothes and wash my hands. I’m going to drink water and then I’m going to chop my lettuce and add a drenching amount of dressing. I’m going to eat my pizza (even though it’s slightly cold now) and I’m going to get high and watch tv. I quickly amend to take the edible first so it takes effect. Then I finally get home and enact these things nearly in perfect order. I quickly realize the copy key still doesn’t work, as I try again stubbornly. And yet for some reason my real key works like butter. Now I’m scared it was a scam. I’m scared they’re both scams. I also need to feed my cat because she’s meowing like crazy at me. I start to quickly prepare my lettuce and start eating as I make a list for what to do tomorrow. I realize that I fucking am flying out of a different airport than I thought I was so thank god I checked. I have my to do list for tomorrow and my salad is starting to get dry so I’m lazy to get more dressing so I switch to the pizza and I leave good reviews on Google reviews and Reddit lol. Maybe next time they’ll give me my free soda. I wonder if they recognize me from the first time with my sister and her boyfriend. And this time with scraggly hair half coming out of my ponytail I felt to deliriously tired to fix it. So I let it loose like a token of my exhausting day.

The pizza is good but I saw some nexgative Google reviews and I realize some of them might be right? The sauce is sweet and the pizza might not be that good. Now I’m questioning my opinion but I try to embrace the tastes. I can definitely feel the edible kicking lol. (It’s kicking now as I write this haha). I realize I need to pop so I head to the toilet and I’m having to weirdest sensations as I poo and every drip of every liquid and substance I can feel and it’s gross but at other times overwhelming and other times super sensitive. I’m realizing that I can see my neighbors bathroom right across the little alley from me into their bathroom and it’s not that far! There’s a girl naked and showering and making all these loud blowing noises. I feel like I need to leave but it’s so funny and also awkward but I can’t really see her well anyway. Sadly she wasn’t wildly sexy like in a fairytale lol, she was a regular woman. I jokingly took some selfies with her in the background to send to my friend. I don’t think she was actually that close.

Finally after wiping and washing hands I am in bed typing out my day- I still missed some parts

My foster cat exploring my closet semi slyly and then coming over when I called her and she was walking on top of my body and even snuggled closer than my feet! She is now purring and by my shoulder.

Also I saw this guy I like from this club but I was stressed and staring off into space and then he sort of waved but I only realized it later and then I sort of shocked and waved back and then I felt bad that I didn’t smile sooner/ wider so I texted my friend asking if I should message him on instagram saying sorry I didn’t see you blablabla and then she wasn’t responding so I messaged him anyway because I wanted to and I didn’t check it for a while because I was scared and I was telling myself it’s okay if he doesn’t respond. At the last club meeting he was talking to some really pretty girl and I was getting jealous and trying to tell myself I wasn’t interested. I checked on the subway on the way to meet my friend and he responded! He even asked a follow up question! He asked what the final was in! I need to ask a follow up question like if he’s done with finals but I feel like now is too late because I responded hours ago. I basically said it was in multivariable calculus and that now it’s over and I’m celebrating and trying to forget it haha!

Anyway maybe I’ll write more high thoughts later. lol now sooo many things are rushing back to me in wild memories.

#Please not one stalk me from all the personal details I shared thank you #confession hour

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meramu-meramu · 10 months ago

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weird day

Where do I even start. Yesterday I looked at an apartment. Central Stockholm, reserved for people with low income. I liked it, but I was anxious bc it has no elevator and I don't know how to cope with that during my chronic illness flares. I was up until 6 am working on my fic bc I'll be too busy to do any writing or editing for the next month or more. After that I still couldn't sleep bc I was too anxious thinking about the apartment, and I had this premonition that I would end up first in line and have to make the decision about wether or not to move in despite the lack of elevator. My 15 years of queue time down the drain. The help (state sanctioned bc of my disability) shows up unexpectedly. I've slept only a few hours. We do nothing but talk about the apartment. I get a text. I got the number 1 spot. I freak out internally because although I formally already have made my decision, I'm not emotionally ready to deal with this. I lie when asked if I got an email. I call my mom as soon as I'm alone and I'm practically crying because I'm so stressed out and don't know what to do. We talk for ages and mom convinces me to call my current real estate manager, as I've promised to do but kept off all week, to ask and see if they got my emails about requesting to sign a contract for the sublet because they haven't been in touch with me for months, and although I know it's futile, I might as well ask. I call, thinking I'm already at rock bottom, nothing they tell me can hurt me now. I get to talk to the woman in charge of evicting my landlord. I ask her to tell me the eviction date, just so I can be certain there's no mistake as I learned a few days ago that it's December 1st. She says "well actually, we are going to have a meeting tomorrow about wether or not you could sign for the apartment. nothing is settled, but...."

The meeting starts at 10. I have to be in touch about the other apartment before 10.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO. I THOUGHT I HAD ROUGHLY 1 PERCENT'S CHANCE TO EVER KEEP THE APARTMENT. NOW IT SOUNDED MORE LIKE 50. I feel like I've been put through a wringer about a dozen times today and it's not even 2 pm. Plus I'm supposed to be packing and buying a train ticket tomorrow to see my friends

Edit: I got the respond time extended thank God

#Personal

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olderjodijournals · 4 months ago

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Thursday, July 1, 1993

Now that I have a night off, I can finally catch up in here with all that’s been going on. Since the Candy Store and the Mile High screwed me over, I knew I had to go a distance. Favors is a half-hour away. The money’s so much better, though, that I’m glad I got screwed over. If I’d known about private room dancing, I’d never have bothered with bars.

So anyway, let me back up to June 27th. Late afternoon I went to Tom’s house for the first time. His house is old for AZ. It’s a corner house that was built in 1950. All of them are right around there in that subdivision. They’re tract houses. A little too small and definitely too close to the neighbor. Their driveway is just a few away. His house is about 1400 square feet, and to be honest, it’s pretty ugly. Especially the bathroom and kitchen.

Friday, July 2, 1993

So last Sunday Tom and I swam in his pool, talked and had a field day with his computers. He’s very lucky cuz he’s got 8 computers and I have a busted typewriter.

So far Tom’s been a perfect gentleman who insists I never need to worry about him trying to move in on me or change me, as much as he really likes me and is attracted to me.

The following day he turned 36 (although I tease him and say 41).

I slept on his couch and on Monday he took me to Favors. It sure is a piece of cake. No hustling, no loud smoky bars and no latex. Most of the time you sit on your ass. Every week we pay $30 in security fees. If you cut $300 or more a week - and you will - you pay $50 for advertising fees. Tuesday night I cut $245! I only took home $175 of it cuz of fees and cab fare. Steve and his day driver, Bob, have cut my fare from $15 to $10. This place is a half-hour away, but right near Tom.

I’ll stay at Tom’s some days that I work. Especially on Mondays cuz that’s when the landscapers come. They are here earlier now due to the heat. I still hear the blowers daily, but not right by my window, and I sleep with the radio on. I knew they’d keep going back on their word at the office, even though it’s still much better and quieter than the other apartment.

Wednesday night I had only one show, but I made $70. I’d never make as much in bars. I work 4 days a week from 5:30-1:00. Wednesday I worked 40 minutes of my 7½ hours for $70. Tuesday I worked only 2½ for $245. I’ll never have a set schedule, though. The days will vary. When no one’s doing a show, or you’re not, we eat, watch videos, or whatever we want. There’s a kitchen and we can order food too.

Later I’ll write about my projects on Tom’s computer as well as other stuff.

Later...

I am going to bed real soon and I hope to hell no blowers wake me up. Why do they need to do this every day?

The guy downstairs has a weird habit. He sleeps with his bedroom window open, yet has his AC on too. What a waste.

I slept on the couch at Tom’s place which was very comfortable compared to mine. I may take his bed tomorrow as he said it’d be no problem for him to sleep on the couch.

I’m too tired to write about what I did with the computer.

Sunday, July 4, 1993

I am at Tom’s house right now and I’m finally going to update all that’s been going on.

My typewriter’s dead, so I’m doing it this way. His computer is awesome and it has several styles of really neat printing. I’d give anything to be able to print into my journals this way. Tom says you can if you buy a binding system. This way you just buy the covers and paper, type onto the paper, then bind the thing together into a book. I’d also just die to have a computer and a printing machine of my own cuz it sure makes things a lot easier. I’ve got to save up hundreds of dollars though. Or maybe $200 to get the parts to build a computer with Tom who already has certain parts. He already has a printer he does not use and he’s gonna check into prices as far as the binding thing goes.

So far I’ve already typed up letters to my parents, Tammy, and the girls, Fran, Nervous, Bob, Kim and Rosemarie. Soon, I’ll do letters to Scott, Stacey, Barbara, Ellie, Andi and whoever else comes to mind along the way. For now, I’ll copy into my journals whatever I type up, then send off the printed sheet to various people.

Work at Favors is going really well. I usually only work with Alyssa or Monique and they’re really cool. I’ve only worked 4 nights so far and I got $70 for my second and third nights. Last night I didn’t make anything. There was only one show and Alyssa got it. It’s a good thing Monique called out of work. The money’s still much better than the bars. You make much more for much less work. If you have only one one-hour show for the whole night, you’ve made $80. You’ll never always get that in the bars, whether you bust your ass trying to or not.

I saw the pictures that Ron took. All 27 of them were on a contact sheet. I saw the one that’s going into The Beat magazine that goes throughout Phoenix. There’s another one that’ll go on a shelf along with other dancers’ pictures at the front entrance of the place.

The last time I wrote I left off with what Tom and I did for Nervous, Fran, Bob, Kim and Tammy. Tom has dirty pictures that we printed out onto their letters. For Fran and Nervous we found dirty pictures with bodies close enough to mine and we cut the faces off them. We told them that Tom took nude Polaroids of me, then we ran them into the computer which printed them out onto their letters. These suckers will surely fall for it. I did the same thing for Bob and Kim, but in Kim’s letter, I explained the truth along with what I told Fran, Nervous and Bob. I put a nude picture in my sister’s letter along with flowers, birds, butterflies and pigs. My parents and the girls got flowers and stuff like that.

Last night was sure funny at work. Andy envies me cuz he has to slave his ass off all day. We watched a movie, danced to the boombox which was cranked to the max, ate like pigs and even pulled pranks on each other. At one point I crashed on the couch for about an hour cuz I didn’t sleep too well here the last night when I slept here. Then Alyssa woke me up saying the doorbell rang. I knew I didn’t hear it and she opened the door and no one was there. Later, Mike, the security guard, rang the doorbell and I pulled the same joke on Alyssa.

Toward the end of the night, we played a great joke on Mike. We called the telemarketing line and I used my girlie voice asking if there were any girls who’d lick my pussy. It was quite hilarious.

I have to work tomorrow, then I have the next 3 days off. There are only two things that suck, though. One is that my schedule’s never the same, but it will be 4 nights a week. The other thing is that I must call in at 5:30 even when I’m off to see if I’m needed to come in. If I don’t I get fined $25. So when I’m off, I’m still on call.

Whenever I’m to work on a Monday, I stay at Tom’s cuz of the landscapers. Tom really helped me get started with this job, but I owe him $50. I should have no problem paying him back before the month is out. Andy owes me money too, but I told him to only pay me back some of the $135 till he knows the outcome of his case with Scott. We also want to rent a camcorder, so I may have him use some of the money towards that.

I’ve paid $400 of my rent and all of the $108 owed to US West and all of the $58 owed to Sprint. All I owe is $89 to APS and $100 in rent. Pretty good, huh? And it’s only the 4th.

Andy left a message saying that he spoke to a guy who lives next to Stevie Nicks and that she did get Shadow and his box. Andy says he has her address and I told him to leave it on my machine. I’ll write to her and explain why I had to give him up at the time and see if she has him or if she gave him away. I don’t think it’ll do me any good, but it’s worth a shot.

I think I have everything updated for now that’s important, except for Ellie. Well, Andy finally got over there and was able to call my place. Sure enough, her number came up. I’m really shocked that such a paranoid loon like her wouldn’t have gotten her line blocked from caller ID. Her name’s Eloisa F.

Monday, July 5, 1993

I’m at work right now. Only Sarah and I are working tonight. She got a show, but I’ve got nothing so far. Jay, the security guard’s taking me home, which is great, especially if I don’t make anything tonight due to the holiday. There are always holidays.

I’m watching a movie now and soon I’m gonna have a cigarette. Maybe some coffee, too.

I have the next 3 days off, but I’m on call Tuesday and Thursday.

I spoke to Andy a little while ago. He was reading part of a 9-page letter he wrote his mother. He only got to page 3 when the doorbell rang, but I said I’d call him when I got home. If he’s asleep I’ll hear the rest of the letter tomorrow. He’s gonna be seeing someone about a job impersonating Stevie Nicks.

This Thursday when The Beat comes out, Tom’s gonna get 8 copies. For Bob, Kim, Nervous, Fran, Andy, Tammy, my parents and myself. I’m gonna be topless in this shot, so the one going to my parents will have my tits covered in black marker.

I slept until 8 PM on Sunday, but believe it or not, I fell asleep at 7:30 at Tom’s. He forgot to turn off the ringer and the volume on his machine so I woke up twice. At 8:30 Andy called. At 9:30 his co-worker Wendy called. Luckily I fell back asleep after that till 3:30.

Thank God I got this job when I did, cuz they only like to have 8 girls. Everyone’s new except Sarah and Kayla. Then, there are Alyssa, Monique, Amber, Gabrielle and me. Lea also dances at times.

Later...

It’s 10:30 now and still no more shows. So we ordered food and now I’m watching TV.

Last night I typed a letter to Scott. I have a few more folks to send letters to.

Later...

I am staying up till 8:00 to call the office when it opens. I can’t fucking believe these people! I’m so sick of dealing with apartment management. Why do they keep going back on their word? First, they promised no blowers early in the morning and that’s hit or miss. Now I got a letter from Dan. They promised me up front I could pay $300 on the 3rd, then take the remainder of the month to pay the remaining $200. I explained up front about SS and SSI and the fact that I get paid in chunks here and there. Keri told me that if over half the rent’s paid, there are no late fee charges. Now this letter says I must pay in full and I must add on $4 a day after the 4th of late fees. Those fucking assholes. I should’ve had them put this oral agreement into writing.

I finally found a way to get a natural-looking tan without dying in the sun, getting sun poisoning, or going to tanning salons, which is just as dangerous. I bought a sunless tanning lotion for $3 and it works great. I’ll never be white again.

I hope to talk to Tom when he gets in and after he hears my many messages.

I tried calling Tammy twice, but she finally got an answering machine. Her outgoing message is so long and she sounds sooo serious.

When Tom and I stopped in Smith’s grocery store I bought a journal with ballet slippers. It’s so cute, but I don’t know if I’ll like it. It’s so small compared to my others.

Jay and I had an interesting talk at work about the music business. He once lived in L.A. and did security for celebs till he moved here. He mentioned stuff I already know, as well as other stuff I never thought of that makes perfect sense. I’ll get into it later, but he told me a sure way to never again be conned by another Scott M.

Later...

I have had a very enjoyable day off. As soon as I awoke I called Keri who said don’t worry about the nasty-o-gram. They have it noted on the computer as far as my arrangement. The computer also routinely does these letters and they must give them to me. She said I’ve been very good about getting the rent paid, so don’t worry unless they call me. Thank God this is taken care of. This is the last thing I need to deal with.

She also asked how my new job was which was at the Candy Store, but I told her how they dicked me over and I got hired at Favors. I also told her about The Beat and she said to bring in copies. I told her they were topless, so she could either get a copy of her own or I’ll show her one of mine.

I also could swear I heard keys jingling outside my door earlier while I was watching Poltergeist. Maybe it was next door, cuz Scott’s had plenty of time and he’d never enter with me in here. I never heard the key go into the door either.

Nervous is supposedly broken up with Linda and is now either friends with or dating a girl named Crystal. Two different nights she answered his phone. Nervo was shocked to hear Laurie H is gay, cuz he, as well as others, say she’s married and pregnant. She’s a closet butch and I told him earlier I’d send the tape of her and Andy along with her so-called confession about a girl named Donna.

The ballet journal came with 2 little heart-shaped keys. One will go to Fran and the other will go to Nervo. I don’t need them. They’re also getting my journal stuff I did up on the computer. Any stuff I don’t want them to read goes in no-postage-necessary envelopes.

Tomorrow I hope to get the 50 love stamps I ordered.

I must call the bank for a photocopy of the check I sent for address labels. I never got them, but that’s ok, cuz now I need new ones anyway with this apartment number.

I got a $19 killer outfit from the same girl who goes to the Mile High to sell stuff. She says it’s still dead and it always will be till they fold under. It’s a deep royal blue 1-piece. The top’s like a tank top, connected to what looks exactly like a short wide skirt which is really shorts.

Back in 1989, my dad got me a gorgeous floral skirt at Steiger’s in Longmeadow, but it’s ripped. Alyssa at work is a seamstress and she says she’ll fix it for $5. Cool.

I ordered a meatball grinder and a big chef salad. Boy, I needed that.

I spoke to Dad earlier and updated him on my life.

Wednesday, July 7, 1993

I rearranged my photo albums earlier. I sent my parents a postcard from a family we met while I was having ear surgery in 1978 in Boston. They were from Caracas, Venezuela. They spoke no English and back then and I spoke no Spanish. I could never translate what they wrote on the back of the picture till I learned Spanish. It’s not much, but they said: Recuerdos de Boston, Noris familia - junio 1978 - Caracas, Venezuela.

Translation: Memories of Boston, Noris family - June, 1978 - Caracas, Venezuela.

Later...

I can’t sleep yet, so I’ll write a bit, then listen to music.

I finished edit tape #2 for Tom who’s now sick with the stomach flu.

A few days ago (I don’t remember how the subject came up), I was mentioning how to call information state by state. You use whatever the area code is where you’re calling, then dial 555-1212. He began to laugh his ass off saying 555 is in the movies. Of course, I went to his phone and proved him wrong.

I left a message about who I’m sending copies of my picture in the “Beat Off.”

I also read him part of “Saundra’s” story that I wrote.

Tom used to work at the post office and he goes there all the time, so he’s gonna bring in the huge mailbag I’m sending Tammy and the girls. I would never even try to guess how many stamps to put on, so it’ll be better this way. I sent old shirts, skirts, bathing suits, a necklace and those 5 posters I colored with markers on the black velvet background. I’ll have to refill the space on the master bedroom wall where they were.

I’m gonna call the bank tomorrow and also see if Montgomery/Ward will shoot a picture tomorrow night. If they can’t get me in so soon, I’m seeing Andy’s new place either way. It’d be better for Tom to take me there, plus they could meet, but our schedules clash. Tom has a set night schedule, Andy has a set day schedule, and my night schedule’s always different.

Andy’s gonna give me $70, plus a nice shirt and Andi’s (Andrea’s) tax thing that says she owes the IRS a little over $100.

I almost cried earlier, cuz I miss Gloria’s pictures that my mom just had to up and ditch. I think there’ll always be a bit of bitterness in me cuz of it. I don’t think I can ever fully forgive her for a stunt like that.

I have a few old and ugly pictures of me I no longer want. Also, some shitty drawings from when I first began. They’re ready for the next NPN envelope available.

I went back as far as journal 36 and counted all the taped-in pages of Bob’s envelopes or stuff I typed. There are 66, but there could be a few more in the earlier ones. Sure wish I could have Journal 1 to the current one all in different styles of print from the computer. Maybe someday.

Thursday, July 8, 1993

Yesterday morning I didn’t fall asleep till 10:30! I set my alarm for 4:30, but kept hitting the snooze till 7:30.

Andy didn’t get here till 10:30. He did not want me to see his place cuz he says it’s trashed. His brother sent his stereo so he’s got boxes all over. He loves his new place but says all the people who work there are incredibly rude. There’s a guy above him too, who has two little kids running around like crazy here and there. Especially on weekends. The office said they’d do whatever they could, even evict him if the problem continued. Then, a day later he said they said, “Well, we know him. He’s a good friend of ours.”

As if to say - fuck you. So he’s gonna have me call there and say I used to live there and I want their main office address to write in great things. Then, he’ll write in how he feels and sign it.

I’ve been having unfortunate vibes about him being unhappy there, despite how much he loves his apartment He says there are car alarms always going off, people always park in fire and handicapped lanes and blast their music.

He brought us stuff from McDonald’s as well as $70. He also gave me a gorgeous shirt. It’s of rayon-type material with bright neon colors streaking through a black background. He gave me 4 no-postage needed envelopes, a funny tax form thing, Andrea’s tax bill for $174, Stevie’s address and an address and phone number for two different things.

The same agency (Carefree Records) is looking for female models for CD covers, videos and whatever else. Also, a wealthy investor is looking for talent, (I guess that means singers).

I’m on call tomorrow, then I work the next 4 nights.

At 7:30 yesterday morning I left Stacey’s edits on the VV machine. At 9:00 Andy, Sarah and I were on the phone. Andy decided to call her and thank her for being a credit reference when he rented the CD player. Also, to see if she’d say anything.

Paula quit, but as Katrina (Paula’s replacement) answered, we could hear her and Judy saying, “That’s weird!”

It’s just our luck that Stacey’s on vacation this week. I’ll do it again next week and I’ll make it even better. The part where she says, “It’s our goal to provide you with the best service,” will be replaced with, “It’s our goal to provide you with nothing.” I know I have Nervous saying the word “nothing” around here somewhere. I’ll use him for that word.

Speaking of Nervo, I spoke to him last evening. He really does believe those nude computer prints are of me. I told him to expect The Beat, the tape, and letters, and I updated him on my life.

I laughed when he said he’d never waste his money on a computer, cuz all it is is a glorified typewriter.

Yeah, sure.

He said Linda moved to Kentucky and now he’s dating Crystal. From her telling me they’re just friends, and by the sound of her voice, I doubt they’re dating.

Andy agreed that my tan looks natural, but my feet are too white and the palms of my hands are too dark.

I gave him about 20 bars of soap, cuz I like gel soap better.

Later...

After I spoke to Nervous, I called Kim. She’s still having Bob problems. She was over at his place recently and he asked her if she’d make love to him. She told him she didn’t know whether to laugh or to kill him. She’s expecting a please-forgive-me letter any moment.

Why does she go see him? I know she only does once in a great while, but if she’s so fed up with him, why does she bother?

She and Alex aren’t always getting along. She says he’s quite emotional. She still hopes to get out here by the fall, but I’ll still have to see it to believe it.

Bob will never move out here. He’s the type to consider things out loud but never does them. I’ll tell him this in my next letter, cuz come on. Does he think I’m stupid? Shockingly, I’ve received no letters from him lately. Probably too depressed. Kim hasn’t sent the letter I wrote to him from “Nick.” She says she will this week from Vermont.

I still have to call the bank and get my picture taken one of these days.

I’m gonna get my period any minute. I’m sooooo bloated. My tits are killing me and I have slight cramps that tell me it’s on its way. I’ll have to cut the tampon cord at work. Fun, huh?

Later...

I just made popcorn and listened to music. I even sang a little. Soon I must take my meds.

I called Heather, who trimmed my bangs when I first got here. Her husband answered and I left my number. I need 2” trimmed. It hasn’t been trimmed in 9 months and the ends are very split. It’s getting a bit scraggly looking.

Tom gets in at 8:00 and I told him to call. Whether or not I’ll be up, who knows?

I realized something if I ever get a binding system. That is that there’s plenty of room on the sides of the paper after you print whatever on it to punch holes in, then put it in a 3-ring notebook. There’s a 2” margin on both sides, but you can adjust that too, however you want it.

God! I want a computer and a printer badly! Will I have my very own within a year? I sure hope so, but I don’t ever count on anything till it’s been done.

I owe only $55 this week in fees, but I sure hope I make great money Friday - Monday. I want to get the $100 paid to the office, the $89 to APS and $50 to Tom. I need groceries, too. I have to ask my dad about taxes. Lea tells the tax guy how much each girl made quarterly. I guess I must file at the end of the year. Does this mean I’ll owe money? Especially since all my money’s made in cash? If I end up owing, will it be a ton of money?

I’ve done 17 journals since I got here, but of course, it’s more like 13 or 14 cuz of large print, drawings and other odds and ends.

Andy also brought me 25 pages or so from a 100-page chain letter his friend Donna got. I sent 5 pages in a no-postage-necessary envelope and 20 to Nervo.

Boy, do I look really tan! Wish I got this stuff a long time ago. Well, I’ll never be white again, but I must get plastic gloves. I look as if I have a black person’s hands. Wouldn’t it just be wonderful, though, if this stuff was permanent and never faded? I’m even surprised the stuff’s stayed on this long.

I must go get my meds and make myself coffee which I haven’t had all day.

I’ll finish this journal in a little while, then begin with 41, the one with ballet slippers.

Later...

I just took my meds and had coffee. Just tried to call Tammy, too. It rang and rang and rang. Not even their machine came on. Where the hell are they? I wish they were on their way to see me. When in the hell will my family ever get out to see me? Will it be years? I hope not.

Later...

I am now listening to a tape of Nervous, Fran, and Andy and I’m putting it on Tom’s machine. Later I may do some editing. I’ve got tons of stuff to edit.

I set the alarm for 4:30, but I hit the snooze till 5:30, then I called into work. Everyone was there.

I spoke to Tom briefly at 6:00. He’s picking me up from work tomorrow. Then, we may come back here so I can get shit I don’t want to lug into work with me. I may stay over at his house Friday - Sunday night.

I briefly spoke to Andy and I watched TV.

For 3 days now I’ve been trying to reach Tammy, but there’s no answer. I called Mom (Dad was out playing cards). I said how much I miss everyone and she said that maybe she and Dad could come see me next spring or summer. Who knows when Tammy and the girls will ever get here?

Mom gave me the same story I get from her every year. She’s sending me old pictures. Yeah, right. Then, she said she was keeping pictures of me. She said something about sending me pictures of my apartment. Which apartment? I’ve only had 9. Then she said she was sending an envelope, then changed it to a package. I wish she’d send my Gloria pictures.

Friday, July 9, 1993

Well, I ended up looking through my journals, rather than editing. I left messages on Andy’s and Tom’s machines. I’m so fucking bored! I just don’t feel like editing right now. I feel like doing stuff on the computer and I wish Tom didn’t have such long hours and I wished Andy worked nights.

I hope I make good money over the next 4 nights at work. I must remember to bring Alyssa the skirt she says she’ll fix.

I never got a call back from Heather about trimming my hair. I’ll try again some other time. I know she just had a baby, so maybe she’s busy.

Guess I’ll go listen to music now, even though I’m in the mood to write. Days will go by when tons of shit happens, but I’m not in the mood to write. I’m in the mood now, but I’m all caught up and there’s nothing to write.

Today, since my stamps didn’t come, I only mailed the NPN envelopes. I mailed two plates in the name of “Rachel D” to Tom’s but of course, they’re for me.

Gloria’s Greatest Hits, along with her new all-Spanish album, Mi Tierra, wasn’t in the record club applications in the TV guide. Tammy asked me to send her some, so I used the name Kelly something and sent her some. Then there were 3 out of 4 NPN envelopes Andy gave me. One had part of that chain letter. One had an old, ugly picture and drawing. The other had phone numbers and addresses I copied into my phonebook. Here, I have about 6 envelopes to mail to Nervous. One has the tape of Andy and Laurie H. Also, there are letters to Fran, Mom and Dad, Scott and other stuff I can’t think of now. I sure hope my stamps come tomorrow and I still have to call the goddamn bank.

I’ll be at Tom’s for most of the next 4 days and I won’t be taking this journal. I’ll update it on the computer, copy it in and send it off to Fran, Nervous, or whoever the hell I want.

Later...

I am still wide awake and thinking of my pictures. God, do I miss them! I wish she really did keep them (of course out of spite) but she planned to send them within a year. I’m sure she really threw them out, though. I’ll never forgive her for that, let alone ever be able to forget. But, how great it’d be if I got a package that was large enough to hold them all, opened it up and there they were! Yeah, right. Dream on. First she said it was an envelope, then a package. Well, if I open my mailbox to see a regular envelope, I’ll know they’re not there. They’d be too big.

Many many years ago when I was into Charlie’s Angels, I supposedly got in big trouble. She said she ditched all my scrapbooks of them, but it turned out that she kept them. She only said that out of spite and to scare me and depress me.

Thursday, July 15, 1993

Well, today’s Linda’s birthday. I forget exactly how old she is.

Been through a lot of shit lately, and since I can’t sleep, I figured it’d be a good time to write.

Favors let me go last week, so I’m back in the same old shit again. Lea let me go saying business is slow. That’s true, but why the fuck did she hire me if she knew this? She said she was letting others go too, but I don’t know who.

So anyway, I still got my picture in The Beat and it was okay. I’ve sent copies to my parents, Tammy, Nervous, and Keri wanted a copy.

Backing up in order of events, well, I got that package of pictures. Tammy said she got one, too. Great. I wonder just how many other old and very ugly embarrassing pictures of me Ma has. They were mostly of my nieces. Some were of Mom and Dad and some old pitiful ones of me. I threw them in an NPN envelope. There were some various nature scenes and an old one at the beach. Dad was sitting at the beach all wet and sandy. Behind him, all holding pails, was me (at age 5), Andy, and what I think are my first cousins Lori and Lisa who are sisters. I also noticed this picture was torn in half. Must’ve been Andy’s parents, Larry or one of the many people they fought with.

She sent back my apartment pictures of 2001, but none with me. I’m gonna send them to Nervo.

Tomorrow night Andy’s taking me to audition at the Excalibur, and win or lose, I’m gonna see his place.

Tuesday, July 20, 1993

I have quite a bit of updating to do, so I’m gonna try to do it as quickly as I can cuz I have some letters to copy in.

I had a nice talk with Lisa yesterday as well as with Tammy. Tom was here when I called her and I said, “Guess what I did to Tom?”

Tammy goes, “Well, you didn’t have sex with him.”

No, but I rubbed a cotton ball all over the stubble on his face!

Tammy got the package but said 90% of the stuff no one could use.

Speaking of K.D. Lang, the other day at the pool she was amazingly calm.

Andy’s had some chats with Ellie, but I must remain quiet when on the 3-way otherwise she’ll hang up.

Dad was bitching at me over a call he got from a collection agency. I’d hung up on him for going off on me for various stupid reasons. Our credit is fucked up now for 7-10 years. For me, it doesn’t matter as I couldn’t afford a house anyway. Not with the business I’m in being so unpredictable. Plus, there are more bills and responsibilities.

Later...

I’m gonna call Andy back in 5 minutes. We called Andrea at work and next, he’s gonna call Stacey. He’ll thank her for giving him good references and I’ll edit what I can from that as well as put the other stuff on the machine there. Yesterday I recorded Tom saying the word “nothing.” I let her say, “Our goal is to provide you with,” then Tom filled it in with “nothing.”

Later...

Andy’s on the phone now talking to Ellie.

Andy briefly spoke to Stacey. It was pretty funny. At the end, Stacey said she was tied up. Andy asked if Judy untied her.

Andy’s been harassing Crystal a lot, so it turns out. I didn’t even know this. That’s Scott’s girlfriend and of course, it’ll piss him off.

Shortly after 9:00, I got a message from a detective asking me to call him but I doubt it was really a detective and I’m not calling anyone I don’t know.

Later...

In between phone calls, I’m going to write.

Keri has a copy of me in The Beat. She really liked it and she asked me for a copy. Andy said he thought about that and wondered why I don’t do anything. Well, I’m attracted to Keri and I’m pretty sure she’s attracted to me, but what can I do? People who work here aren’t allowed to mingle with tenants as far as I know. If I knew she was leaving I may speak up, but there’s nothing else I can do. Maybe if she did not work here and was single something would happen, but this is how it always is. This is why one of the reasons why more and more I realize I’m not a woman’s woman. Yes, I’m gay. That’ll never change, but I think whoever’s up there wants me with men. There’s a reason why they’re all I can get (other than butches). I was always taught that when you can’t get what you really want you should try for the next best thing.

With each day that goes by, I’m more and more comfortable and impressed with Tom. So far, the inside of him I like 100%. He’s a great person. Totally unlike your average person, let alone the average male. No lust whatsoever on the outside, but he has beautiful eyes. I won’t make any decisions overnight and he’s not pushing me in any direction either. He respects the fact that I’m not sure yet whether or not to settle. I may give it a little more time to continue seeing that I’ll never have lust, but every 1-2 years. Then, in time, perhaps he won’t be such a major settlement. He’s no Ron or even a Brenda. I feel so relaxed with him. I can totally be myself. He’s so calm and never tries to change me. He understands my fears and doubts, though, and knows I don’t want to get trapped in anything which may be hard to get out of. He knows I also believe that sex can kill a friendship. He agrees that’s true for most people, but I don’t think he believes that for us. He’s one of the very few guys I believe would never cheat on a woman, but he doesn’t want an open relationship.

I explained the DES to him and said I was too small for penetration. I asked if he could live without that. He said absolutely yes if he loved the woman, and there’s way more to sex than that.

Well, right now I don’t know what to do, but while I’m still young, I don’t want to waste my time waiting for lust to come around once a year or so. It may be time to settle, but I’ll never live with anyone, get married, or have kids.

I feel like I’ve known Tom forever, but a reality check says I’ve known him only two months. Maybe within a year, or by the end of ’93, I’ll settle. It will take time and guts. I’m not brave enough or ready yet, but I am determined to learn to settle (within reason). Never could I settle with just anyone.

Yesterday Tom and I went to the Excalibur. He waited outside. Not that he couldn’t handle me in only a G-string, cuz he’s seen me that way before, but he’s just not a bar person. He has some coworkers who go in there and his friend Wendy used to work there.

I’m gonna work Wed-Sat from 7 PM – 1 AM. I was gonna be Brandy, but someone has that name, so I’m back to Mystery.

Later...

Boy, this day’s getting better and better by the minute.

Well, true to my feelings, that guy was no detective. He left two dirty messages for Andy. They were funny, though. Before he called Andy, I sure got freaked out when there was a knock at my door. I didn’t move till I heard my door open, then, “Maintenance!” Bill changed my AC filter.

The guy that called Andy and I was associated with Crystal.

And now here’s more Keri news. I called to tell her I had several bottles of perfume to get rid of due to my allergies. I didn’t want to toss them out and she was the only one I could think of who may want them. I brought them to the office and she said, “Perfect timing.” She was very pleased and we chatted for nearly 10 minutes. She’s now promoted to manager. I said that she’d be a great friend if one of us left here. She wholeheartedly agreed. I also think she may be pregnant again, too.

She asked about work and stuff in general. She said, “Well, hopefully someone will see you in The Beat and say, we want her!”

Speaking of wild fantasies, it’d sure be nice if she called to say, “Now that I’m manager, your rent’s only $400.”

Even if we could be friends, who knows if we’d end up in bed?

Last week I spoke to Frances (Alyssa). She was bitching out her sister, but we did have a cool talk for over an hour. She did say she was bi as I figured.

Yesterday, Tom and I also went to a restaurant, got that blood work done, got my Theodur refill and got some groceries. I ran out of the Azmacort inhaler and am trying to do without it. So far, so good.

I’m making Tom a bracelet out of that flossy-like yarn as well as more edits and a few Bonnie Raitt songs he likes.

Kim left a message the other day and played me Bob’s message. He got his letter from Nick and was crying and bitching about it. Kim says maybe I can edit him, but it’s so muffled. I got a letter from him about it and I’ll mail it to Kim. Kim says she mailed me a letter, as well as one she got from Bob. I got two yesterday from Bob and guess who also wrote me? Fran! Can you believe it? Finally! He actually writes better than I thought, but he did have a few funny mistakes. I’ll soon copy it in as he wrote it.

I called Fran last night, then he called Nervo. He was in his mood and after cussing at he hung on silently for a while. Long enough to hear Tom whom I called. Tom finally got to talk to Fran. Fran also called his local crisis center where I complained about seeing cactuses and palm trees.

Later...

Shortly after I last wrote I got a call from my doctor’s office. My white blood cell count’s too high. Probably a urinary infection and my stomach’s been killing me and I’m very bloated. Tom came over, I played him the convos of Andrea and Stacey, went there, took a leak and came back. I must return to the vampire next week to see if there’s any change in my white blood cell count.

On my way up here, I met the couple who moved in next door. They said they moved in today, but I didn’t hear a thing. They’re a young couple, both good-looking, named Brian and Amanda. Amanda’s pretty good-looking. They sort of look like partiers, but I hope not. They look like the type to have lots of loud company and fights but I’ll try not to judge till I see. Current Location: Arizona

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inkbie · 5 months ago

Text

Thursday, January 16

Wednesday, January 15

On this day, I’d smelted for 4 hours and 3 minutes, so from 1:26 am to 5:29 am. The app I used to track my sleep was being maintenances, so I wasn’t able to check how long I slept. This is why I chose not to write my journal entry from yesterday. I also procrastinated until the last minute to complete my tasks, so I was exhausted.

This day, I had written 25 minutes, I drew for 25 minutes, I read for 50 minutes, and I worked on social media for 25 minutes. I also completed my 2 Duolingo lessons.

I was so exhausted this day because it was a half day. I spent a majority of the day after school either sleeping or on my phone playing Cookie Run Kingdom.

Then, later that day, I had to run an errand to place an order for my contacts. I’d ordered them on January 2nd, and they were set to arrive on the 4th. They didn’t, and every time I called their customer service number, they were unavailable. I decided that the best course of action was to go to the store in person to place an order. Let’s pray that this new order comes in time since I paid for express shipping.

Thursday, January 16

Today, I slept for 3 hours and 45 minutes, so from 1:43 am to 5:28 am.

I wrote for 25 minutes, I drew for 25 minutes, I read for 50 minutes, and I worked on social media for 25 minutes. I also did complete my 2 Duolingo lessons.

Today was exhausting because I missed work to be able to go to class. Since I’m not licensed, and my degree isn’t in education, I have to take a few classes to become a licensed teacher. This means that once a month, I meet with my cohort to touch base.

The only issue I have with these meeting is that they only give us an hour or two to work on actual class work. Otherwise they expect us to be completely engaged throughout the entire day while they lecture us and talk at us about things related to our assignments. I think it would be much more efficient to take an entire day off school to be able to complete course work, but alas, community building activities seem to take priority.

It also could just be that I was a bit cranky from not getting enough sleep last night, but still. I think their priorities are backwards and that we could be much more productive with our time at these monthly meetings considering we’re all adults with jobs that require our full attention.

I was also already a bit frustrated because my co-teacher decided to completely disregard my sub plans for the day despite my students needing to move on. She chose to give them a make up day even though they’ve had two consecutive weeks to make up their work and chose not to. It’s a bit frustrating that she decided to indulge them and allowed them to waste more time, but I wasn’t there.

It’s alright, though because I will be back tomorrow to get my students back on track as quickly as possible.

#daily journal

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nathank77 · 11 months ago

Text

8/12/24

10:45 a.m

Last night was the second night in a row where I had to double up on everything for sleeping pills.. it got to 12:35 a.m and I smoked weed cause I was fucking done and I did fall asleep...

I had one red bull in the morning, early, stopped caffeine consumption by 2 p.m. I didn't shower. I just watched TV and masterbated all day.

I mean I was stressed and am stressed about money but I dont understand. Do I have to go out every single day and sweat my ass off in the car just to fall asleep at night?

Tonight will be an all nighter assuming I can't sleep on the original dose of everything. I'll smoke weed only right before bed... then when the second dose would be coming assuming I don't fall asleep, I'll take everything except the xanax. I'll smoke more weed and if I'm not sleeping by 1 a.m I'm going to be a miserable sack of shit cause I'm going to keep myself awake until 8 p.m and then take the original dose and fall asleep... I'm not raising my tolerance. I'll take two nights of it but 3 nights are never going to be a thing.

I'm starting to think i have to leave the house or go in the attic everyday in order to sleep easily... it's fucking stupid bc I used to game all day everyday and only go shopping or run errands when I had to. Drink red Bulls, and eat whatever and fall asleep like a baby on my circadian rhythm. Then psychosis happened to me and everything changed.

Idk if it was the weed or the Xanax that finally knocked me out.

Tonight I'm 1000% smoking right before bed..... cause it does fucking help. At 12:35 a.m I had had the second doses all in me for a hour and I smoked weed I was gone in like 15 minutes.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I have appointments and shit both days. Dentist and bloodwork tomorrow, t shot and grocery shopping Wednesday so in theory I'll fall asleep bc I will be outside sweating in my hot box of a fucking car.

I want to go out now, go to bjs and cvs, I want to do my bloodwork, just to try fall asleep easily... but I already showered bc I didn't Saturday or Sunday cause I wanted a relaxing very low ocd weekend.....

And I don't fucking want to sweat, my car is a fucking hot box with the window sealed shut and the air conditioner hardly working. I already have to be sealed in the hot box tomorrow, Wednesday and Friday for new Hampshire....

I don't fucking want to sweat in the car just to almost ensure that I will fall asleep. I just want the weather to go to 40 degrees so my car isn't a torture chamber anymore and going out isn't horrible.

The weather is nice.... too bad my car will be 20 to 30 degrees hotter. It's fucking disgusting and makes me feel sick being sealed in without being able to open a window and then I step outside and it's 30 degrees cooler even on the 90 degree days!!!

There is a reason I've been being a homebody I'm sick of getting nasous sitting in my hot box. I just want the weather to go to 50-60 degrees the warmest so I can be comfortable again.

I can't afford an ac in my car. I can't afford a fucking motor in my windows. That's never happening, it's a luxury. So every summer I will melt and aviod going out more than once or twice a week.

Anyways I'm fucking pissed cause if my car wasn't a hot box I'd just run a few errands and I'm sure it would help me fall asleep easily tonight.

I'd rather not use weed but I mean I'd rather not have to pull an all nighter.

I'm not raising my tolerance. I refuse. If I don't sleep tonight, I'll sleep tomorrow it's whatever. If I don't sleep either nights I'll jump off a bridge.

I honestly just want to kill myself. I'm not allowed to drink red bull. Smoke weed. I'm not allowed to game. I'm not allowed to do anything if I want to sleep easily. Appearantly I have melt outside or in the attic and be fucking miserable and I can't have any enjoyment or relaxation.

I hate to say it but I'm a fucking homebody and I like relaxing and I don't want to fucking go out especially not in my fucking hot box.

So yea I'm anxious. I won't be raising my tolerance but if I can't sleep I guess I'm pulling an all nighter. And if I can't sleep the next night I'm committing suicide.

It's chill though I know my days are numbered and my quality of life will always be a zero. I can't even fix my ac in my car. I got to melt and I'm not getting a new bed. I can't even afford it on the new credit line, I'm too poor. Counting items in my house trying to control how much I buy and cutting things out.

I'm really done with being Alive. I obv have therapy twice today.... and that's stupid and then I won't have it any other days this week cause my life sucks and no one wants to work with me..

I'm sick of struggling to sleep. I'm sick of all of the things I enjoy being taken away from me bc the POS brain damaged mangled mess of neurons I have up in my brain isn't capable of sleeping easily if God forbid I enjoy a day with 1 red bull and I game or I watch TV.

Instead I must sweat in my hot box if I am to sleep.

I can't wait until it's black nothingness. This hallucination won't ever go away and life isn't worth living.

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ghostpill79 · 1 year ago

Text

3/18

1:20 AM

Just read the first few pages of Megan boyles line blog book. I definitely want to try out the format for my writing and songs. I want to go on a drive and see what happens. I’ve already resorted back to my crazy person sleep schedule. After sleeping normally for a week at home I’m now right back to where I was before spring break. Yay!

1:24 Am

Pissing

Gotta remember to wash my face tonight

Think I’ll go on a drive

Gotta make sure my phone is charged enough firs. I’ll read for like ten more minutes then I’ll go.

Saw a guy from Charlotte on tick tok show a cool guitar lick. I want to be able to come up with cool guitar licks.

Feeling like I have to shit now

Why the fuck is RFK jr. On Vlad Tv

I should clean up the pizza I massacred earlier it’s still on my floor.

1:36 am

Could not scrub off hot honey and crust and sauce from pan so put it in the dish washer. It is not working for some reason… Emma probably fucking broke it , god damn it.

Texted the group chat.

Going to also text that girl if she’s had luck finding an apartment .

1:50 am

Trying to figure out dishwasher

Tried flipping switch to no avail

Oh there we go

Texted Emma back the group chat with a yes? Instead of a yes! Thought both sounded bad. So send a fist emoji to imply triumph?

Going on drive now , want to get drunk. Perhaps will buy alcohol if a store is open. I guess it would have to be a gas station. We shall see!

1:54

I guess I could go to cook out and get food so I don’t have to tomorrow. Sitting in drive thru is not something I like doing though. I wish I didn’t eat that whole pizza. I hate that I did that. Atleast I didn’t eat the whooole thing though. Drinking three cups of water did not surprise my appetite enough. I should have cut it and just put half in the fridge. Next time I’ll do that.

1:59 Am

I never just driven like this at night before well I don’t think so. Not alone. I did with that Anna girl. I can sing to myself in the car. Practicing.

2:16 Am

Looks like most gas stations are closed. It is cool to see things at night. The Christian book store had an Israel flag up which I guess shouldn’t be a surprise.

2:20 Am

I front of another circle k I can’t see the person through the window so unfortunately going to have to get out of my car.

They were open! Now to look at alcohol.

It’s cheaper than I thought.

You can’t buy alcohol after 2 apparently. So many rules that I’m clueless of. Cashier was nice though.

2:36 Am

I’m back at my apartment and want a snack. The calories that will come from the snack should be equivalent to the amount that would have been in the alcohol. Cheetos. I’m going back and writing AM even though it’s probably obvious.

6:08 am

Had a dream where I pulled a long either guitar string or plastic twist it from my back. It just kept going and going. When I looked in the mirror with each string I was ripping out of me my other arm was getting worn away. I was in the bathroom of my old Mitchell glen house. My room was super messau and I had an Echidnas that was giving birth out of its mouth in my bed. It was also my sloth beanie baby. Charlotte was in there. Stuff was just everywhere. Lots of toys. I looked out of the window and

I’m done too tired to continue

4:40 PM

My mom is texting me about if a guy who was looking for a roommate she talked to texted me. Nope. I really hope we find someone so I don’t have to do anything. Especially if it’s all done by them. that would be great.

Exporting a demo of new song called “charlotte “ and emailing it to myself. I like how it sounds so far. Trying not to overthink it. Trying to keep it simple. I’m almost out of storage in my gmail. I try to delete every unnecessary email I get but it doesn’t seem to be working.

I accidentally left the synth base that I’ve decided to cut in the demo. Fuck. Whatever It’s fine.

I have to take a shit. I hope I’m not stealing too much of Megan Boyle’s voice when I do this. I feel like I’m being myself. But who can really know that? Definitely not me.

The reverb on this sounds nice. Trying to make it too drowned out but I want that really dream poppy vibe. Coctu twins style.

Sent the demo to my mom , for possible sense of approval. Will most likely not receive. She probably won’t get what it is. Maybe though.

4:49pm

Turning on sink so Emma can’t hear me shitting. If she’s near by.

Going on a walk to hopefully burn off the Reese cups and muffins I ate earlier. And to enjoy the weather!

It appears to be nice out.

4:57pm

It is cold but not too bad. The “ pet waste station” is overflowing with shit bags. My mom said the demo was “nice “. Have not responded yet. I said “ cool”

5:24pm

It was too cold so leaving early. Don’t know why my car smells like cat piss.

I have a hair in my mouth I can’t get out. My teeth look kind of gross. I forgot to brush them last night. I’ve also eaten nothing but sugar today. Going to try to not to eat too much more today. Will get regular food tomorrow I guess.

5:38pm

Just kind of want to lay down.

Going to masterbate , hopefully will knock me out, need a reset.

FaceTime at 8:45 will probably be 9:00 so will have time to work on track some more before bed.

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imdoingwhateverisnext · 1 year ago

Text

The Hobo Package

When someone else plans your vacation, but you are just happy to be getting out of the house, it is hard to imagine it will be anything other than a fun and much needed get-away. Then we arrive at this place.

Norman and his mother would both be proud of the aesthetics of this motel. 'Excuse me sir, but I am pretty sure I requested the Hobo Package and suite, not the Serial Killer executive'. The doors are facing outward. There are no pass keys to access the hallway. Your door facing the parking lot is your best protection from the people who happen to be sharing this building with you.

The phone rings. Who could it be at this hour? It is the front desk clerk. He is suddenly adamant that he get a $50 cash security deposit, and he will not leave us alone until he gets it. It is more than a little shady. He insists it is just company policy and it will be returned to us in the morning.

"The TV doesn't even work, " Judy said. "What could we possibly hurt in this room? There is no hair dryer. There is no shampoo! There is no trash can in the bathroom. There's not even anything we could steal, not that we would want anything in here. Look, even the remote control is nasty!" Judy exclaims loud enough for the front desk clerk to hear her over the phone. Undeterred, he insists we pay the $50. So reluctantly, we do. We are both too mentally drained to argue with him.

"That's okay. By the looks of this place, it is probably just prepaid porn channels anyway," I was trying to lighten the mood but was also uncomfortably serious. "When I imagine getting murdered in my sleep, I had always hoped it would be in a nicer place than this".

Our precious amenity is one tiny dry bar of unscented soap to share between us. There is a mini fridge, but it doesn't count because it is dirty and rusted. If it weren't so late we would leave, but we are in an unfamiliar place.

"There is no trash can in the bathroom!" I call to my friend. "...and weirdly, the toilet is a push button flush model; that's a little fancy. I feel those funds could have been better allocated elsewhere".

There are no vending machines or ice. The beds have two comforters each and they are both sheet-like in thickness.

I looked at my worn out friend and said, "I am so thirsty, but for some reason I suspect the tap water will smell like farts". She fills a paper cup to test my theory. Surprisingly, it did not, and thank goodness because that tepid tap is all we have to drink. In a delirium type state, we begin to laugh to keep from crying.

It is already 1:30 am and we have an early schedule. It has been an exhaustive and grueling day fighting airport traffic, car rentals, shuttle services, hauling luggage, along with multiple interactions with the TSA in two different airports. I would like a shower, and I need one, but after looking at the bathtub, I am pretty sure I would be dirtier post-shower than I am right now.

We both collapse and try not to think about the amenities or lack thereof, or how bad our feet and backs hurt. We just wanted sleep. Every day is a new day, and surely tomorrow in the light of day, this place won't seem so bad.

Under the sunrise of morning I work diligently to make it appear as if my overnight stay had left me feeling refreshed. As I put on my makeup, the Piece de Resistance is revealed: a dried booger, stuck to the mirror I was looking in as I get ready. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better.

#just when i thought it couldn't get any better #serial killer executive #hobo package #amenity

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casual-video-transcripts · 2 years ago

Text

T-LOG⌨️ | Translating Live for EXO 엑소 생방송 번역 by ringmybella7

Original hard-sub captions by ringmybella7

Video Transcription by CCKN is under the cut

[0:00] Long time no see :D

[0:02] Tomorrow is EXO's Countdown Live

[0:04] Right now I'm watching MONSTA X's online concert

[0:08] I like looking at the English subs to see how they're translated

[0:12] Done watching, getting ready for the live tomorrow

[0:16] (While watching a podcast lol)

[0:22] ?

[0:23] I have a mosquito bite that's killing me

[0:31] I can't multitask, so I have to turn everything off when I really need to work

[0:37] I've translated for KAI, SUHO, XIUMIN, CHANYEOL, CHEN and BAEKHYUN

[0:42] But it's my first time translating for EXO as a group 😬

[0:47] Watching their MV

[0:50] MV teaser

[0:53] Teaser photos

[0:58] While on Twitter, I saw this Tweet 👆

[1:02] The answer is yes :)

[1:06] This Tweet made me laugh lol

[1:10] Anyways, I went to sleep after that

[1:13] Good morning

[1:14] My breakfast for the day

[1:19] Puffy [referring to her face/cheeks]

[1:21] I started a new show called '290 Million KRW: Marriage War'

[1:24] But I only got to watch 30 minutes of it because I had to go to work lol

[1:30] Off to work

[1:32] By the way, I got new glasses 👓 (Did anyone notice?)

[1:36] You all know the drill

[1:39] On Monday's I have to come to Arirang first (For my regular live show)

[1:46] I always get nervous because I get scared the traffic will be horrible

[1:51] Luckily, I ended right on time so I didn't need to rush

[1:55] Off to EXO now

[1:58] (I had to really squeeze out of parking lol)

[2:04] Made it (And looking so drained)

[2:08] Setting up my seat

[2:14] Going over my notes for the live

[2:18] About to start

[2:21] 📍LIVE

[2:23] My spider hands lol

[2:25] I am very thankful 'EXIST' is a full album

[2:28] because I got to rest during the highlight medley

[2:31] Thank you EXO 🙏

[2:33] End of the live

[2:35] I couldn't wait till I got home to eat dinner since I was starving

[2:44] I pour my everything when I live translate

[2:46] so eating after a live show is the best feeling ever

[2:52] Going home now

[2:57] Listening to the artist's new album while driving home is my ritual

[3:02] 'Cream Soda' is super catchy and makes me want to drink cream soda lol

[3:05] I can't wait to try it when they start to sell it

[3:09] I was very unsatisfied about how I translate today

[3:12] but the EXO-L's messages on Twitter made me feel so much better (Thank you)

[3:19] This song is a bop

[3:22] Till the next time, stay healthy EXO-L 🤍

[3:28] Thanks for watching

YouTube Channel: ringmybella7

There is no video description.

Preface and Disclaimer: None of the videos I transcribe belong to me. They belong to the content creators and the crew behind the videos. Please keep in mind that my transcripts may not be 100% as I am not a professional. I'm just someone who wants to provide video transcripts for people to understand and enjoy these videos. For this video, I focused on the on-screen text.

If there are any corrections you would like me to make, let me know in the comment section of the post.

If you like this video or any other videos from ringmybella7, please support her by watching her videos on her YouTube channel and/or through other means by her such as watching any of the videos she translates.

Personal Notes: WE EXO-LS ARE WINNING, BABY! COMEBACK?! FULL ALBUM?! YEEEAAAAHHHHHHH! Ehem, I mean, hi everyone. This is my first time transcribing a video that already has captions. I wanted to try out transcribing a video with captions already embedded in them as her videos usually don't have closed captioning and are captioned the hard-subbed way.

As for what is referenced:

2023 MONSTA X 7TH OFFICIAL FANCLUB MONBEBE FAN-CONCERT. This was aired first on July 9th, 2023. For those interested but unable to make it or want to re-watch it, click here to learn more about the re-stream on August 6th. For all I know, a monbebe somewhere probably has it posted or saved. Good luck to y'all.

youtube

2. Korean Cowboys podcast. Watch around the 5-minute mark where you can hear bits from the video.

youtube

3. There is a tweet from greenbunny7 that states, "@ringmybella7 Will you be doing EXO YouTube on 7/10?"

4. There is a tweet from no_loey_no_life that says, "Praying for the live translator on Monday 😅". NeNi961111 re-tweeted/replied, "If it's @ringmybella7 then no worries 😌"

5. "Cream Soda" by EXO is the second to last song being played. Quite a jammy- jam-jam.

youtube

6. The bop song at the end is "Regret It" by EXO

That's all for now. Glad that EXO made a comeback. I can't wait to finish listening to the album. I hope Kai is doing well in his military service and Lay is doing well in his solo activities. And I hope you are doing well too in whatever you're doing. If there is anything I miss in the references, please let me know in the comments. In the meantime, I'll see you in the next video transcript.

P.S. - To support the comeback, go to https://exo.lnk.to/EXIST to see what platforms and ways to support the album such as streaming it on YouTube and other sites or purchasing the album.

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violettelueur · 4 years ago

Text

— ITADORI YUJI + FUSHIGURO MEGUMI + GOJO SATORU + RYOMEN SUKUNA || WAKING UP WITH THEM

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : hidden suggestive hints + grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 05 april

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Hi! Can I ask you for a Headcanon on: Itadori Yuji, Fushiguro Megumi, Satoru Gojo and Ryomen Sukuna, in the morning when waking up with their s / o please?

↳ barista’s notes : so right now, i have no anime to watch...but fruits basket is coming out tomorrow i believe so i do have something to be excited for soon also, i updated the spotify playlist so go ahead and enjoy some new songs i have added ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ other than that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee and come again soon ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ

I don’t think Itadori is a morning person at all despite his bright personality, so waking up with him is more like sleeping in a bit more and a few ‘5 more minutes’ will be said.

However, if Itadori does wake up before you, he would stare at you for a while because he wants you to be his first view he sees to start his day off - that’s how he obtains his bright self.

He does tend to place his whole hand on your cheek before stroking it with his thumb if you are facing him - he does make sure Sukuna isn��t about to bite you.

If he feels like you are too far away from him, he will pull you closer to you before resting your face into his chest because we all know that itadori doesn’t care one single bit if he is the small or big spoon - he just wants your warmth.

To be honest, Itadori sucks at waking you up because he feels guilty doing so and he also wants to sleep in overall.

However, if you wake up before he does, you would wake him up by giving him a few pecks on his cheeks - it’s like an energizer for him.

You can tell he loves it because he smiles before opening his eyes while reaching up to get more of his morning kisses.

You both do talk in bed for quite some time before getting out of bed because it just feels calm and comforting to you both before you start the day.

You and Itadori talk about what you both are planning as well as what you both are excited for like an up-and-coming date you both had planned or what game you want to play today - the morning conversations are a great start to both of yours day.

Estimated time of getting out of bed - 30-50 minutes in total.

It’s a process but a cute one.

Fushiguro is someone that is organised and we all know that, so you know he has a few alarms set because he knows that you sleep through some of them quite peacefully.

He seems like the type to be up by the first one if it is an important day or he will turn them off immediately if it is an off-day because he desires to have a sleep-in with you and doesn’t want you to wake up just yet - there is no in-between.

So when it is an important day, he slowly sits straight up to turn off his alarm before turning to look at you, only to discover you sleeping peacefully as usual.

He will ruffle your hair gently to wake you up because you need to and will tell you to wake up with a small smile on his face because you look really adorable.

If you whine and say to give you a couple of minutes, he will just sit there and admire you because what better way to waste time waiting for you - if you allow him, he will play with the ends of your hair to keep him occupied for the time being.

After a few minutes, he will wake you up properly (probably lightly taking the blanket away from you) and you have to comply because you know he is doing it for a reasonable reason (not) and he knows that you are going to demand a hug since you are quite clingy when you are tired.

If it’s an off-day, just know Fushiguro’s face is buried deep into your chest with his arms sluggishly thrown across your waist leading you to wake him up by playing with his hair as well as planting a few forehead kisses that he loves so much.

If you are able to sit him up, he will place his forehead on your shoulder for a short while to gain some extra sleep - so wake him up with a few temple kisses as well

Estimated time of getting out of bed - 10-15 minutes (on a work/school day) or 30 minutes (on an off-day)

Like I said there is no in-between.

Gojo is someone that rarely sleeps to be honest, due to his role as the strongest sorcerer within this generation. However, when he wakes up with you by his side, it’s a whole process.

If you wake up first, Gojo will whine and moan at the fact that he doesn’t want to get up and if you try to leave the bed without him by your side, he will drag you back by force and anchor you down with his arm and leg.

You will complain that you both will be late and to be honest, he doesn’t care one single bit because he is known for being late - he will switch up the story to the others by saying that it was you that didn’t want to wake up (but they know he is lying and will inform you on what he said)

No matter how the day has started, either him waking up first or you, he will bombard you with so many kisses on your face and neck before you stop him when he comes to your lips - because morning breath ain’t it.

Once again, he will whine that he didn’t get to kiss you ‘good morning’ and he won’t leave the bed until you give him one - you will also be anchored to the bed until you give him one.

However, there are times when he has to wake up really early and leave you, so he makes sure to leave a little note before heading off - he probably tried to make breakfast but we all know he ordered something for you since he doesn’t seem like the type to cook.

When you both managed to sit up, Gojo will put all his weight on your back and just hide his face in the crook of your neck before placing a few kisses here and there because he’s clingy like that.

Morning cuddles are a must for him. One way or another, he will move you to his lap only to wrap his arms around your waist while waiting for you to wrap your arms around his neck - he will carry you around the house like that because he refuses to be apart from you.

If you have one of those days where you just won’t wake up and refuse to get up, Gojo will just admire you for a while and will play with your hair.

If you are married to him, he will fiddle with the ring on your left ring finger because it just reminded him that you are here with him - not like he is a canon player or anything…

“Morning exercises”

Estimated time of getting out of bed - 1-3 hours.

It’s a whole process, so wake up at like 6:30 am to be only 5 minutes late.

There are parts of me that say Sukuna doesn’t sleep at all for some reason like he will lay in bed with you but he will just watch over you during the whole night.

We all know Sukuna is a dominant person, so when you wake up just know you are in the position of the small spoon - always.

Let me admit, I have no idea if Sukuna is a morning person because he just doesn’t sleep...he just zones out for a while.

WE ALL KNOW, THAT HE SLEEPS SHIRTLESS - so admire...

If he feels mean, he will pinch your nose to wake you up because he wants your attention but he won’t admit it at all - don’t know why I thought of it.

Sukuna will also bite your neck to wake you up if pinching your nose wasn’t enough or you were taking too long to wake up.

When you wake up, expect to see Sukuna looking down at you with a smug face because it’s just him but please prepare yourself because you will probably be doing a few morning exercises to start the day off.

However, if you wake up before the King of Curses could wake you up, you would probably just stare at him with a smile on your face before caressing his cheek - which does surprise him and he will tell you that he doesn’t want your touch but doesn’t make the effort to move away.

If Sukuna does manage to fall asleep (which is quite shocking) he really likes it when you play with his hair - but as I mentioned before, he won’t admit it.

If you try to leave the bed without him, he will grip your arm or waist before ‘asking’ you “where do you think you are going?”

Somehow his hands are under your shirt - there is no question about it, there are going to be under your shirt somehow.

Estimated time of getting out of bed - probably when he feels like you are allowed to leave the bed...so never? Maybe a good 6 hours since he has nothing to do...not sure.

Like do I know what he does in his domain….no.

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greenbagjosh · 2 years ago

Text

20 - 21 June 1998 - A weekend in Salzburg - crazy pretzels and sliding down in the Berchtesgaden underground salt mine

21 June 1998

Hi everyone

Today and tomorrow, twenty years ago, I was in Salzburg, in kangaroo-less Austria, and the Berchtesgadener Land in southeasternmost Germany. Because I would not be paid until a week or so later, I had to spend a night in a hostel and eat cheap. I found a good hostel just southeast of downtown Salzburg, called the Eduard Heinrich Haus. I reserved my room by phone, on Friday on a payphone. (Payphones in 2018 are hard to find anymore)

Originally I was not supposed to go to Salzburg the weekend of the 20th/21st June, but rather on the 19th my work colleagues were supposed to go mountain climbing (actually hiking which could as well be climbing!) south of Holzkirchen. That was postponed until the 26th because of the weather forecast for the 19th – in the mountains of Bavaria, the weather can change unexpectedly, and it is hard to find shelter, so we made the safe decision to wait until the 26th.

From Munich to Salzburg, the Schönes Wochenende ticket that cost 35 DM, was valid all weekend on the slow trains. I took the Regional Express from Munich Ostbahnhof via Rosenheim and Freilassing. The train was not air conditioned, as were many Regional Express trains at the time, so it was an annoyance to some passengers, to slide the window down when going over 50 mph, particularly between Munich Ost and Rosenheim. I think I arrived around 10:30 AM in Salzburg Hbf. As I noted from 7th June 1998, there was no longer any formal customs between Germany and Austria as a result of the Schengen Agreement, so the station customs at Salzburg Hbf I remembered in operation in June 1997, for 1998 it was completely unmanned. It was still standing in December 2001/August 2002, and I think also in August 2004 when I returned for a day visit, but sometime in 2005, it was demolished to make room for more train platforms and was complete around February 2012.

I went to the ticket hall, and then bought a day pass for the Salzburg Verkehrsbetriebe for the city and also for the zones including Lamprechtshausen and also Trimmelkam, as I was curious about riding the Lokalbahn, which is now the S-1 line. In today's money it would be EUR 13.60, now 190 Schilling if today's exchange rate of ATS 13.9 = EUR 1.00 were to be used, but it was cheaper 20 years ago. It was a good ride up to Lamprechtshausen. I bought myself a big bottle of Almdudler (it is herbal and tastes like fizzy iced tea) at the Billa grocery store, of which I posted a photo of it while waiting for a bus in Wildshut. From Lamprechtshausen I took the "shuttle line" to Bürmoos in Oberösterreich. There was not much to see or do, and I was not quite thirsty enough to drink any of the Almdudler while waiting for the train to return to Bürmoos and on to Salzburg, so somehow I walked to Wildshut. I think I took an hour to get there. It was sunny and I think about the 90s. I caught the bus that went on to Oberndorf where the S-1 would take me back to Salzburg. I was starting to get a headache so I drank some of the Almdudler but it was not much use. I went back to Hbf to fetch my clothes bag and headed for the hostel. I had to take trolley bus 51 and exit at Egger-Lienz-Straße and walk a half mile towards the Salzach bank more or less. My bed in the room was ready, and I took a nap for about two hours, and listened to the former "Blue Danube Radio" station. The station is now part of the independent channel FM4. I remember a story about the Empress Sisi mentioned on the broadcast.

I could not stay at the hostel for so long, as I did not come to Salzburg just to sleep all day. I had to go back to the Altstadt to see what was going on. As the 1998 FIFA World Cup was still in group stage, there were two matches. One was Belgium vs Mexico, and the other was Netherlands vs South Korea. I did not have any internet at the time, even a "smart phone", so back in 1998, there would be internet set up and probably 50 people or so would wait in line, waiting 15 to 20 minutes to get a turn. I think I waited a whole hour. Grumpy-Old-Man would say "That's the way it was, and we *liked* it!" Now everyone can just skip that and use their smartphone. I thought of going up to the top of the castle but I decided it was getting too late for that. I think I had a "Käsekreiner" and can of Stiegl beer for dinner, took a bus to the Parsch district, I guess for sentimental reasons, and when it was dark, I went back to the hostel. Back then I did not know that the Sacher Hotel was across the Salzach from the Altstadt, until I saw an ad sometime in July 1998. It was out of my price range at the time anyway.

Sunday morning the 21st was as sunny as Saturday. That was the day I was going to go to the Schloß Salzburg by cable car. I had breakfast at the hostel, washed up, checked out, then took bus 51 to Salzburg Hbf to leave my clothes bag. I went to the castle by cable car. At the top, there was a very good panoramic view, not just of the , but also towards Maxglan, Hallein and even a little bit of Tirol. And also the Berchtesgadener Land which I would visit later that day. After I took the cable car down, I walked around and found a pretzel seller. They had so many kinds of soft pretzels that I chose three, all of them about 10 inches wide. One with ham and cheese, one with just salt, and the other split and filled with chocolate. I took them along and then after taking the bus to Maxglan, I ate the ham and cheese pretzel, maybe one more. By that time I think I had seen enough of Salzburg. I was not much of a fan of Sound of Music so I did not go on that tour. It was time to leave Austria and then return to Germany.

I boarded, I think 1:30 PM, the train at Salzburg Hbf, for Berchtesgaden via Freilassing. It arrived in Berchtesgaden, the end of the line, at 3 PM. I thought of going to Kehlsteinhaus / Eagles Nest (would do that on 19th July 1998), but I settled on the Salzbergwerke, the salt mine. It is basically a 10 minute train ride inside the mountain, a walk through the tunnels, sliding down and also a boat ride through the salt pool. Everyone is required to wear a rented salt mine overall (somewhere I have a selfie!) and stay with the guide at all times. In comparison to the upper 80s temperatures, the inside of the mountain was about the low 50s. It is constant year round, as I would find out later, namely in February 2012 when I visited another salt mine in Bad Dürrnberg near Hallein. Coming out of the salt mine was not so fun, after it being so cool inside. Oh no it's so hot! The walk back to the rail station was not pleasant but I had a surprise going back to Munich. The train that arrived in Berchtesgaden as an Intercity train, was returning to Munich as a Regional Express, it was air conditioned and my Schönes Wochenend Ticket was also valid at no extra charge. What was the catch? It had to make its scheduled stops. But I did not mind.

I think I arrived at München Hbf about 8:30 or 9 PM, went to work the next day. The weather forecast for Friday 26 June would be mostly sunny, for my colleagues, excellent weather for mountain climbing. I will tell about that sometime next week, what that all entailed. No one got hurt (badly), everyone survived. And I even had a chance to see a pre-production BMW Z3-based E36 series coupe - probably the coolest car I saw all that year.

Well, have a nice rest of the week, everyone. There were no "foreign" journeys - in relation to Germany - expected until Friday 10th July 1998.

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nathank77 · 1 year ago

Text

5/24/24

7:13 p.m Edited

I fell asleep fast with half a mg of xanax and 25mg of Hydroxyzine but I woke up 2 hours later needing to pee too bad to ignore it .. I had to take a Benadryl 25mg to fall back to sleep. I prob woke up 3 or 4 times needing to pee and ignored it every time but one more time than at 10 a.m...

Part of me worried I didn't sleep cause I had my eyes closed for a while at 10 a.m.. but I did at least until 1 p.m.. then the time in-between 1 p.m and 3:30 seems foggy... I remember kinda being awake and opening my eyes soon after seeing a movie of like jurassic park in my mind... just prob the trauma of microsleep and waking up during rem making me think I'm "dreaming" while I'm awake idk. I dreamt of being in a mall running away from dinosaurs. Raptors were chasing me a lot.

Anyways I felt groggy cause I always do when I wake up and I couldn't make phone calls. I decided to be productive in a different way. I call it a car care day. Or just car day.

Either way I got the letter in the mail that they received my report on Kristen today now I'm waiting on the status letter that's coming. I'm worried they'll throw it away... I mean I'm crazy right? What does the words of a guy with auditory hallucinations mean to people against a professional? That's the fucked part I'm 100% level headed but they see a lunatic.. I'm stronger than most people. 99% of you all would have killed yourself if you lived through microsleep and auditory hallucinations and being delusional...

Anyways I await the status report.... not holding my breath... waiting to fucking off myself if they let her off the hook..

Well so car care day. I checked my oil and it's low and I scheduled my oil change for Tuesday at 5 p.m. I also added freon to my car. The compressor works. I learned a new thing today :)

Against many people's advice in the 3G (Mitsubishi eclipse) group as I don't have money to pay a technician 200$ to use a 20$ can of freon on my car, I did it myself and found what they contributed to be helpful. It took a long time. I used at least half the can. It didn't seem to want to go passed 25-30 PSI it read 10 when i hooked it up... but sometimes it read 50. When I turned on the ac to full blast it went red indicating the compressor works. And eventually I didn't see much movement on the gauge after turning it down and using more. So I just decided to test it via going grocery shopping. It was def 100% cooler. I feel like I did it but it's not super cold. It's def cold. It's 82 where I am and I was comfortable in the car. Idk if my car is one of the vehicles that don't exceed 25-30 psi. I just asked in the group.

I'm really glad I didn't waste my money on a technician- as a guy who isn't mechanically inclined there are things that we shouldn't do and there are easier things that we can do to be self sufficient and learn and I'm glad I learned. I restored it to about what it was a couple years ago. I'm happy with it but I'd like to get it cooler.

I went to Wal-Mart and stop and shop. I grabbed a chicken and Coolant and some other stuff. I got gas so when I go to the mechanic on Tuesday I don't have to get gas since it's in Southington.

I put on a timer for a hour once I got home cause you can't put Coolant in a hot car. So I'm waiting on that. I shaved my face. I got to buzz my head before the shower and then I guess I'll watch Dexter.

Tomorrow and Sunday imma fuck with my hdcp bypasser and try to have two Red bull days in a row and play silent hill even though no one watched a second of them despite the money and time it takes to bypass hdcp.

I'm still hallucinating but it's whatever. I'm hoping they take my claim against Kristen seriously and I get her license taken away. Although I won't doubt it if they throw it away bc no one sees you as a person when you hallucinate. You're labeled a drooling lunatic that should be institutionalized.

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vynegar · 4 years ago

Text

vyn RRG card story, part four

just... prepare yourself

same disclaimer and notes from part one.

youtube link to Hikari Sherry Gaming‘s video of the card story

links to other parts: one two three

do not repost

[PART FOUR]

(25:50)

Perhaps because I was suddenly in an unfamiliar environment, I had difficulty sleeping that night.

MC: I was on the train for so many days that I really want to rest, but why am I still unable to fall asleep…

MC: Please don’t let me have dark circles under my eyes tomorrow when I see Dr. Richter…

I dejectedly climbed out of bed and suddenly saw that the lights were still on in the distant greenhouse.

MC: I don’t know how my and Dr. Richter’s grape vine is doing…

(26:05) Spring Greenhouse

Right when I entered the greenhouse, the servant who was checking the condition of the plants quickly welcomed me.

Servant: Miss, did you come here to see you and sir’s grape vine?

MC: N-no. I just couldn’t sleep and took a walk, and I saw the lights were on here so I came.

MC: Am I interrupting your work?

Servant: Of course not, please do as you wish.

Servant: The estate has soothing herbal tea that helps with sleep, shall I prepare some for you?

MC: Yes please, thank you.

Servant: Please wait for a moment.

Servant: Ah yes, we’ve just installed the nameplate for the grape vine that you and sir planted, you can go take a look.

He gave me a slight bow, then left.

MC: I said I didn’t come here to specifically look at the grape vine…

Even as I muttered this, my feet involuntarily walked toward where Vyn and I had planted the grape vine sapling during the day.

Just as the servant had said, there was already a sign installed in front of the sapling. On the silver plate were my name and Vyn’s name, closely interlinked.

“Albert & MC Forever”. (1)

(27:00 flashback to the daytime)

Vyn: With the proper methods and meticulous care, it is certain to grow better than any other grape vine out there. I guarantee it.

(back to the present)

For a moment, the words Vyn said that day appeared in my mind.

I frantically patted my burning cheeks, trying to calm myself down.

MC: O-oh right! Speaking of that, all the previous people’s grape vines are planted here too!

MC: I didn’t see them during the day, and since I’m already taking a walk to pass time before I can fall asleep, I can look at them one by one!

I walked to the most verdant, flourishing grape vine nearby, and only saw that written on the sign in front of it was –

“Eirik · Haspran & Zijin · Mo 2003”. (2)

MC: Planted in 2003. It’s already been 27 years, no wonder it’s growing so densely.

MC: This couple’s bond must be great, maybe they’re like the Feilus from that year…

I couldn’t help but think back to my and Vyn’s grape vine.

MC: Hopefully my and Dr. Richter’s grape seedling can also…

Just as I was getting lost in thought, the glass door to the greenhouse was opened once again.

MC: Has he finished making the tea? That was fast.

I walked towards the door, but halfway there, I heard the voices of Vyn and Raphael.

Vyn: That bottle of wine is something he asked you to give to me?

Raphael: Yes. Previously, your father came to the winery to discuss financial matters with my father.

Raphael: Since he was at the winery, he of course came here to check his grape vine. For a moment he began to reminisce, talking about you and your mother.

Raphael: We’re old family friends, and he’s also my senior, I couldn’t refuse your father’s request.

Vyn: So you’re trying to convince me to return home and visit my family?

Raphael: He did ask me to, and moreover, your father and I are of the same opinion about this.

Raphael: I don’t want to have to deal with that greedy, foolish woman either.

Raphael: Your father is the same way. His only cherished son, and recognized heir, is you.

This wasn’t something I was supposed to hear, but it was already too late to say anything.

I hastily turned around, deciding to leave as quickly as possible under the cover of the greenhouse plants. Because I was afraid to make noise, I could only walk very slowly.

The sound of the two men’s voices continued.

Vyn: He may think that way, but he’s still feigning civility with those church people.

Vyn: “A leopard cannot change its spots”. He really hasn’t changed one bit since the past. (3)

Vyn: Hesitant in times of decision, clumsy in handling affairs.

Raphael: The church has immense power and influence, it’s inevitable that your father would worry.

Vyn: All transformations come with risk. Moreover, if he had been watchful that year and made preparations early on, the church wouldn’t be holding him back right now.

The two people behind the foliage didn’t speak for a while. Fearing that my footsteps would be heard, I was forced to stop along with them.

Raphael: Your father also said that you went to Stellis after leaving Svart, and changed your last name to “Richter”…

Vyn: Did he think I did that because of my mother? (4)

Raphael: Of course I don’t think you would simply be swayed by emotions, but your father has his own beliefs.

Raphael: Oh right, how should I explain the grape vine that you and Miss MC planted together today?

Raphael: Once your father knows that you visited here, he’s certain to come again. If he finds out that that year, you and he –

Before Raphael could finish speaking, the glass door to the greenhouse was pushed open once more.

The servant walked in with a tea set on a serving tray.

Raphael: Herbal tea? I didn’t ask anyone to prepare this.

Servant: Young master, this is for the miss.

Raphael: Miss?

The servant looked around, and from where he was standing, it was easy to spot me.

Immediately, I could hear a series of footsteps from behind the dense foliage.

Vyn’s figure quickly appeared from behind the thickets. He looked at me with an indescribable expression.

MC: Dr. Richter… I…

I didn’t know what to say, my heart was thumping wildly in my chest.

Raphael raised his hand and signaled for the servant to set down the tray, then gently said a courteous goodnight to us and left with the servant.

In an instant, only Vyn and I remained in the greenhouse.

MC: Dr. Richter, I’m sorry… I…

I tried to stutter out an explanation, but Vyn smiled at me softly.

Vyn: There’s no need to apologize. It wasn’t like you were intentionally listening, right?

MC: But…

Vyn: You’ve been standing for a while, are you tired?

He walked back to the tea table and pulled out the chair, indicating for me to sit down.

After I sat down, Vyn poured out a cup of tea and handed it to me.

Vyn: Lavender tea? Did you go for a walk in the greenhouse because you couldn’t sleep?

MC: Yeah…

Vyn: The tea is still quite hot, do you want to hear a story to pass the time?

Vyn paused for several seconds, then slowly began to speak.

Vyn: Twenty-eight years ago, a Svart…

MC: Dr. Richter, you don’t need to…

Feeling anxious, I spoke in a hurry.

MC: You don’t need to explain everything to me just because of what I accidentally overheard. This is your private –

Vyn: You’ve misunderstood.

Vyn quietly interrupted me, his tone gentle and calm, yet firm and resolute.

Vyn: Actually, for a long time I’ve been wanting to find a suitable opportunity to tell you this story.

Vyn: I just hope you don’t mind that this story might take quite a bit of your time.

Vyn: Are you willing to hear me tell it?

MC: Of course, of course I am.

Vyn’s face broke into a smile.

Vyn: Twenty-eight years ago, a Svart aristocrat happened to encounter a woman from a foreign country during a trip to Barosk. It was love at first sight for the two of them, and they fell head over heels for each other.

Vyn: Shortly after, they promised to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Just as they were making preparations for the wedding, they found out they had the ultimate manifestation of their love.

Vyn: They named the child “Albert”, meaning bright and noble, just like the child’s golden eyes.

Vyn: In that moment, the aristocrat felt as though he was the happiest person in the world.

Vyn: He brought his wife with him to visit Feilu Winery, and together they planted a symbolic grape vine and swore to love each other for eternity.

As Vyn spoke, he looked toward the flourishing grape vine not too far away, his mouth curling into an indescribable smile.

MC: (That grape vine…)

I suddenly remembered the sign in front of that grape vine – “Eirik · Haspran & Zijin · Mo 2003”.

Vyn: But soon after, the aristocrat received a message.

Vyn: Svart Church ordered his fiancée to be baptized and convert to Svart’s religion in order to marry him.

Vyn: The aristocrat’s fiancée was from a long line of scholars from a well-known family in the East, and naturally wouldn’t go along with such a crude demand from the church.

Vyn: After the woman’s categorical rejection, the church made a decree that if the aristocrat ignored their doctrine and married someone of a different religion, their marriage would be illegitimate and null.

Vyn: The interests of the aristocrat’s family would also clash with their political opponents because of this.

Vyn: The aristocrat tried to accommodate for both love and politics, but it was precisely this indecisive attitude that caused his crushing defeat in his struggle with the church.

Vyn: In the end, the woman detested the aristocrat’s weakness. She resolutely left Svart, completely abandoning their love.

Vyn: The aristocrat never recovered from that, and all day long he used alcohol to numb himself, becoming an alcoholic.

MC: …

Vyn: Until many years later, with psychological intervention, he slowly recovered.

Vyn: Seeing a depressed alcoholic be able to become an illustrious individual, his son began to develop an interest in psychology.

Vyn: But studying psychology was seen by the Svart Church as a branch of theology, and the church vigorously opposed this subject being offered at colleges.

Vyn: The country’s aristocrats and their heirs were even more strictly forbidden by the church from studying psychology.

Vyn: Facing interference from the church yet again, the aristocrat tried to challenge them, but he was overly cautious in his actions. Careful to a fault, lacking in resolution.

Vyn: His son had never had an interest in ranks of nobility, and simply used this opportunity to free himself, and leave Svart.

Vyn reached out his hand and felt the teacup, gently handing it to me.

Vyn: You can drink the tea now.

The tea was warm and gave off a thick aroma, but I had lost my appetite.

His tone when telling the story had been indifferent, as though he was totally unmoved by it, but in my heart I felt an indescribable ache.

Vyn: This isn’t a happy story. I shouldn’t have told it right before bed. But I was worried that if I didn’t explain things now, you’d have even more difficulty sleeping because of self-blame.

Vyn: It’s very late, I’ll send you back to your room.

MC: I…

Vyn: Stop blaming yourself. Have a good night’s sleep, and if you have any questions, I’ll answer them all tomorrow.

At a time like this, the only thing he was worried about was whether or not I’d be able to sleep?

Vyn: Also, what you lose at sunrise, you gain at sunset. (5) For the aristocrat’s son, leaving his home country was a new, wonderful start for him.

Vyn: He’s doing very well, and is happy.

His soft voice was sincere and deeply affectionate, causing my heart to pound in a way that was difficult to describe.

I reached out and grabbed Vyn’s wrist.

MC: Dr. Richter…

I didn’t want to leave him by himself, I wanted to keep him company. In that moment, that was my only thought.

MC: I… I have trouble sleeping in new environments, can you keep me company?

Vyn: …

Vyn was stunned, but quickly, his mouth curved into a smile.

Vyn: Okay. What do you want to do? I’ll stay with you.

MC: I… I don’t know. Dr. Richter, do you have anything you want to do?

Vyn thought for a moment.

Vyn: We’re making wine tomorrow, aren’t we?

Vyn: The winery has many experimental wines that are made specifically from the greenhouse grapes. How about tonight we try them together, and choose a flavor that we like?

MC: Okay.

[END PART FOUR]

[PART FIVE]

(1) All in English (except possibly MC’s name, depending on what you set it as)

(2) All in English; also, remember what Vyn’s Chinese name is?

(3) Vyn literally translated the English phrase to Chinese; I think it is specifically indicating this phrase, since there are other phrases of similar meaning that seem more “native” to the Chinese language. Note that this idiom originates from the Bible (Jeremiah 13:23)

(4) Originally, Raphael said “莫” (Mo), not “Richter”. Think back to the name Zijin Mo from the grape vine. I waited until this line to translate Mo as Richter since I felt like it would be too unbelievable for MC to not make the connection earlier between the name “Richter” and 27 years

(5) An idiom (失之东隅，收之桑榆). Even if you lose out initially or temporarily, in the end you will get compensation for it.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #tot vyn #mo yi #tot translation

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