#Jonah: A VeggieTales Game

[g4zdtechtv]

Cinematech Reborn: Nocturnal Emissions S2E2 - Postcards from the Veg

We ain't afraid to get a teeny bit Biblical this week, but rest assured there'll be a lot more than talking vegetables on this episode!

Does hardcore bunny rabbits, a rampaging possessed 50-foot foxy cop lady, and bathhouse switcheroo shenanigans sound fun to you? Then, you're gonna love this!

(watch on 4GTV!)

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

how about for a movie, the year… 2002

Ah, you've hit me in one of my weak spots: the very early 2000s! I think I have to say Treasure Planet for this one, closely followed by The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

[jyanimationstudios]

Information:

Name: Jacob (but you can call me JY)

Age/Birthdate: 19 (07/07/2005)

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He, Him

Region: USA

Grade: College Freshman (starting in a few weeks)

My Card: https://jystudios.carrd.co/

Interests:

Movies: The Prince of Egypt, The LEGO Movie, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Spirited Away, Toy Story 3, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio, Batman (1989), The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie

Shows: VeggieTales, Gravity Falls, SpongeBob SquarePants, Batman: The Animated Series, Amphibia, The Simpsons, Helluva Boss, The Owl House, and Hazbin Hotel.

Food: most Tex-Mex stuff

Characters: Larry the Cucumber/LarryBoy, Jack Skellington, Stitch, Bill Cipher, and Genie

Games I play: Minecraft, Among Us, most LEGO games, Roblox, and Super Smash Bros.

Dislikes: Cancel Culture (along with most negativity on X), Homophobia/Xenophobia/Pedophilia/etc., the mere existence of Mulan (2020) and Wonder Park

Other Info:

Requests of any kind: Not accepting

Friend requests: unless I know you, I won’t accept it.

Yes, I believe in Christianity, but I am a frequent swearer, so there’s that.

[avaford2009]

Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (Rewrite) - Khalil is a Star

KING TWISTOMER Thank you. Thank you so much, Jonah. Having to pretend to care, having to snack at only my most desperate moments has been quite annoying.

He then turns and grabs towards Mr. Lunt.

KING TWISTOMER And waiting for you to hand over the star…

LARRY Mr. Lunt!

The guard blocks Larry with a spear in order to silence him.

KING TWISTOMER ..is making me unexpectedly hungry! Hmm, but perhaps I'll start with Mr. Lunt's wish.

JONAH (O.S.) Stop! Okay, okay! I'll give you the star!

Jonah raises Khalil over his head and presents him as the star. Twistomer and the crowd look at Khalil in astonishment and understandable disbelief.

JOPPA CITIZEN #1 Is this a joke?

KHALIL (WHISPER TO HIMSELF) I can do this, I can do this, I can do this! No! There's no way I can do this! (SHOUTING) People of Joppa!

JOPPA CITIZEN #2 The caterpillar talks!

KHALIL Hello! I come from the sky! I am here for you!

The citizens of Joppa could tell that the crowd still needs convincing so they decide to join in.

JOPPA CITIZENS Oh my goodness! It is the most beautiful star I’ve ever seen! It’s a miracle! Oh, this is amazing!

KING TWISTOMER What game is this!?

KHALIL Twistomer! If you want me, first you have to free everyone's wishes!

Twistomer doesn’t believe that Khalil is a star.

KING TWISTOMER That’s just the worm!

To convince the crowd of his power, Khalil calls to the animals.

KHALIL WHEEE!!!

And the animals answer. All over Joppa and even from the desert, dogs, mice, birds, fireflies, horses, goats, and all types of creatures from around the island stampede to assure the crowd of Khalil’s power. An eagle lifts Khalil from Jonah’s arms as fireflies form into a star behind him. The audience marvels at Khalil’s glory, fully convinced.

KHALIL It's over, Twistomer! You have no choice but to surrender!

Twistomer smiles indignantly.

KING TWISTOMER I have no choice.

Twistomer raises his hand for all the wishes he held hostage spin around before diving into his open mouth. The crowd watches in horror as several of them collapse from the desolation in their hearts.

JONAH What? No!

The surge of power Twistomer receives from eating all those wishes at once begins to transform him. He grows larger, more than a foot taller than him now only had the head poking out of his closed fist. His head covers his body as his shirt and shoes tear away as a result of his new size. The bottom of his jaw extends into an underbite with large canines jutting out of it. His legs bend and contort in a way that made them resemble a wolf’s rather than a person’s. Sharp, black horns grow from the top of his head and his eyes become entirely green. Even the Nineveh guards are horrified by Twistomer’s transformation but Twistomer himself relishes his new body and laughs in triumph over the power it grants him.

The guards see this and as they try to comfort those of them who have had their wishes destroyed, they realize that this has gone too far.

JOPPA GUARD #1 We've got to do something!

The remaining guards charge at Twistomer who just swats them aside like flies. He turns to Jonah with a massive grin on his face. His voice reverberates as he speaks.

KING TWISTOMER You think I’m an idiot?! I have the power, I have your wishes, I will have the star! So where is it?

Jonah is so terrified by what has just transpired that he can’t help but look at the lights coming from the top of the royal castle. Twistomer follows his gaze as realization dawns on him.

INT. ROYAL CASTLE, STUDY - NIGHT

Back inside the study, all of the wishes and a myriad of seemingly random objects swirl around Star as he looks onto Pa Grape.

STAR I think it’s working! Maybe? Almost? We're so close! We just need one more ingredient!

[ethanartsandstudios]

If you popular culture and entertainment fans didn't know, who's into movies like me if you watch in theatres, streaming, direct-to-video, or TV. I'm present on Letterboxd. This website lets you add your favorite movies and review. This is similar to IMDB.

My favorite animated movies shown here are:

Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie (2002)

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)

The Loud House Movie (2021)

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

The last 2 features everyone's beloved voice actress in the animation industry, @jessicadicicco. While, I know @greydelislegriffin has done theatrical and streaming animated film voiceover work in Onward (2020) and The Loud House Movie (2021).

As a Filipino-American person who grew up who's into VeggieTales, SpongeBob SquarePants (first I watched back when I was a kid in the 2000s, as I was born in 1999), The Loud House, and one of my favorite video game franchises from Nintendo, Super Mario. I'm all over the places into the world of animation, entertainment, video games, and celebrities (voice actors).

@universalpictures

@illuminationentertainment-blog

@spongebob

@theloudhouse

@nintendo

@nickelodeon

@nickanimation

[afarewelltokings]

OH THIS IS SUCH A FUN PROMPT :0

Xanadu - Rush Odmiana Przez Osoby - Obywatel G.C. P. Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up) - Parliament A Taste Of Honey - Vince Guaraldi & Bola Sete Leavin' Memphis Frisco Bound - Jesse Fuller Numbers - Kraftwerk Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg - TLC Cry For Me - Magdalena Bay Electioneering - Radiohead Nervous Tension - Lemon Jelly Walking Wires - High Vis Black Hole Sun - Alice In Chains Mecha-Mania Boy - DEVO Too Shy - Kajagoogoo Laser Material - Spyro Gyra Second Chances (from "Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie") - Anointed Greystone Chapel - Johnny Cash Steamboat - The Beach Boys Take Five - The Dave Brubeck Quartet Time - Pink Floyd A Forest - The Cure Tomorrow Never Knows - The Beatles Computer Games - George Clinton Stool Pigeon - Kid Creole & The Coconuts Part II - Paramore Bury Me With It - Modest Mouse Pacific 202 - 808 State Motions - Intense It's No Good - Depeche Mode A Poem On The Underground Wall - Simon & Garfunkel Redbone - Childish Gambino Battle (Champion/Red) - Pokemon HeartGold/SoulSilver Echo & Bounce - Propellerheads Plunger - Wazmo Nariz Enemies - Art Nouveau Search Out! Watch Out! - Mighty Flames Be My Baby - The Ronettes Espresso - Sabrina Carpenter Our Prayer - The Beach Boys Rhapsody In Blue/An American In Paris - George Gershwin Jump - Van Halen Swamp Thing - The Chameleons Year Of The Knife - Tears For Fears Come To Life - Alter Bridge Familiar Taste Of Poison - Halestorm The Fonz - Smash Mouth Til Death Do Us Part - Madonna Darkness Of The Unknown - Yoko Shimomura Ride On Time - Tatsuro Yamashita

i have no clue who to tag so this is up for grabs to any of my mutuals

I'm making a playlist of orgasmically good songs and am open to recommendations, so in order to hit as many music demographics as possible this is a tag game where y'all make suggestions and feel free to tag as many people as you'd like!!

Now to be clear I'm not looking for merely good songs, no, I want songs so unearthly soul-imploding that the sound rips open a portal to The Other Dimension within your body and the world is swallowed by a black hole!

@johnnyvalance @sondheim-girly @forgthetheaterkid @tryingdoesnthurt @overwhelmedfernfrond @pschewwpewpew @to-know-how-it-ends @curlys-blade @made-my-peace-with-all-the-bad @marciavalance @trevination @lavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[suspiciouslynotapastor]

Look what I bought myself with giftcards this Christmas!

[ryunumber]

Larry the Cucumber?

Larry the Cucumber does not have a Ryu Number.

(clarification below)

It’s fairly trivial to get an Extended Ryu Number through the numerous biblical depictions in the animated episodes, and I would love nothing more than to use “King Xerxes of the Achaemenid Empire, but a zucchini” as a link, but in terms of video games, it’s slim pickings.

Best I can tell, VeggieTales games either deal exclusively with the in-universe production cast or with the reenacted/retold stories that may or may not be biblical, which means that even if I used noted fictional asparagus Archibald’s depiction of Jonah the biblical prophet, I can’t then turn around and connect it to Larry, who exists in that story as one of the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything named Elliot.

[wrongydkjquotes]

(context: Cookie told two random interns to ad-lib some crew mate dialogue for the intro of the game whilst he finishes up something. Now he's coming back to check on them.)

Intern 1: "You know, this reminds me of my Aunt Lucy. This may come as a surprise to you, but my Aunt Lucy was a lobster."

Intern 2: "Yeah right."

Intern 1: "No, really. I mean, a pretty big one too. Sometimes, when she fell asleep, we used to pull on her tendons and make her legs move."

Intern 1: "No w-"

Intern 2: "No really, it was fun, we did it at the family reunion once and we actually got her walking across the table."

Cookie: (stunned that those words could ever come out of someones mouth)  "....WHAT?"

Intern 2: "Hey, they told me to ad-lib. You don't give me a script, you take what you get, my friend."

Intern 1: "True, but the kid's got a point. That was odd."

(source: Jonah the Veggietales Movie Outakes)

[mando-abs]

The Christian duality of having Veggietales’ “Jonah Was A Prophet” and The Doom video game theme song fart edition stuck in your head at the same time

[feed-our-souls-too]

Art, Film, Faith (part 1)

This is post 1 of 3 from a friend and fellow artist (find her Instagram here). She took a class on faith and film and we both found that the journalling and conversations that resulted from it were thought-provoking and, as such, worth sharing here. ~Julie (The Hopeful Raincoat)

During my time at Seattle Pacific University, I was concerned about how little I had allowed my faith to develop the art that I produced. By my senior year, it was still difficult to draw connections between what I was making with my hands, the ambitions I wanted to pursue and my commitment to love God unconditionally, and make His interests my own. It was a blessing to meet as well as learn from Professor Jeffrey Overstreet in the last quarter of my formal education. I discovered more about the interaction of faith and art in those short ten weeks than in all of my life. There are many ways that looking at film through a perspective of faith is similar to looking at other art with the same perspective, paintings, sculpture, or even games, and I found my thinking improved in all these areas. Film is art, (which is easy to forget, as we often take films for granted).

The following short essays are selections of journal entry assignments from this class. I am the first to admit that some of them feel short, and could be expanded upon greatly, and no doubt I wish that I had taken the time to expand upon my thoughts outside of the assignment (the exception is entry four, but the extension is not included at this time).  Professor Overstreet’s book, Through a Screen Darkly: Looking Closer at Beauty, Truth, and Evil in Movies, is referenced multiple times. Some modifications have been made to original essays to accommodate the general audience.

To learn more about Jeffrey Overstreet and read more of his own essays on faith, art, and film, visit his website, Lookingcloser.org.

Entry 1

Is there a connection in your life between faith and moviegoing, between what you believe and what you watch? Write about the history of your experience with TV and movies, and about the role that faith plays (or doesn't play) in your engagement with art and entertainment.

Growing up, I experienced the cherry-picking movie selection typical of most conservative Christian families. Harry Potter was shunned, but we still watched The Lord of the Rings. My mom was hesitant to allow potentially frightening movies, but I watched Episode III: Revenge of the Sith in the theater with my dad and older brother when I was pretty young. That was actually my second theater experience – my first was Jonah, A Veggietales Movie. My brother and I spent the ride home taking turns whacking each other on the shoulder and crying, “Mercy!” There was a disconnect somewhere in the attempt to integrate film and Christianity during my childhood.  

Even with the mishaps of my early experiences with film, I still appreciate my mom’s efforts to manage what we watched. My film interests are vastly different from hers and deviate from ‘the comfort zone’ but I have learned to be considerate about media I see. As a Christian, I do want to hold myself to a higher standard and be aware of the content I am watching, as opposed to desensitized and uncaring. There are limits to what I am willing to expose myself to in order to maintain this.

Amidst these concerns, the ways various aspects of Christian story or values appear in media does fascinate me. This was particularly apparent to me after I read On Fairy Stories by Tolkien. It was definitely eye-opening to the significance of narratives and felt applicable to a wide variety of media. The public thirst for eucatastrophe arises in places most would not expect, and I think that is what makes watching film worth it.

 Entry 2

Chapter One of Through a Screen Darkly tells of Jason Bortz’s experience watching a film about Africa, and reacting radically because of what he had seen (pg. 31). The final punch for the passage relates to being willing to take a risk that transformation will happen. Bortz’s story is definitely inspirational, but in this telling (there may be more dimension) it seems that after your heart has been tugged, there is no going back to how you were before and it is impossible to not act radically. I am not sure that this is how the Christian walk actually goes in most cases. Our burn to live as/for Christ tends to ebb and flow, doubts can be heavy. For myself personally, I fear that when I do encounter transformational experiences, I will (a) let them ebb after a while or (b) question their merits. It seems then, that fear and willingness are at odds. I do not think that fear flatly eliminates seeking transformation, but it definitely hinders steps that follow afterward.

I also found interesting Wim Wender’s lack of surprise at producing a film with similar backstory and issues to the movie of another producer. Wender says, “The fact that Jim, unbeknownst to me, made a film about the same subject made it clear for both of us that we had hit on something that is of grave contemporary concern.” Contemporary issues revealing themselves in film seems to be a good indicator of what kinds of issues the world is hurting from and wants release. It all comes back to art makers and audiences – no matter their affiliation with any religion – trying to find some sort of light in a dark situation. Everyone wants a release from the problems that they face, and the complexities of those issues are going to be revealed in artwork.

This started to make me wonder about what kinds of things come up naturally in my own artwork as a two-dimensional artist. I remember my professor pushed me to consider what gave me cause to believe as a person of faith within art to help direct the content of a painting that I was working on. I now realize that I probably already had a subconscious goal for the piece that was just as relevant as trying to openly express my faith. The cliffs have breath-catching beauty when they rise above the fog and catch the light of sunrise, is this not the glory of God’s creation? I have also experienced the joy of watching teenagers immerse themselves in nature for the first time beneath these cliffs, or overcome the fear of repelling down them, then climbing back to the top with exhilarated smiles. In one of the most devastating wildfires my county has seen, the cliff range was a natural defense – the only defense – for my home. I wanted to paint the cliffs perhaps because I knew they were valuable to me in and of themselves. Overlaying a new motive, even if it was well intended and correlated with my faith, while displacing the original motive caused the piece to crumble.

There is substance to letting whatever feels natural for an artist to produce seep out into the world in order to let art speak clearly.  

[nostalgiamare]

Nostalgiamare Entry Archive

Since the 10th entry in the Nostalgiamare entry series is in the works, I’ve decided to put all of the previous entries I did in one archive post so it would be easier for all of you to find what you’re looking for and so you don’t have to go through numerous posts to find something. This will be updated every time a new entry is released so please be on the look out!

ENTRIES

ENTRY 1: TWINKLE WISH ADVENTURE (2009): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/684845601270235136/nostalgiamare-entry-1-name-my-little-pony

ENTRY 2: ADVENTURES IN CARE-A-LOT (2007): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/685898412026134528/nostalgiamare-entry-2-name-care-bears-adventures

ENTRY 3: RADIO DISNEY POP DREAMERS (2002): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/687344079801057280/nostalgiamare-entry-3-name-radio-disney-pop

ENTRY 4: DOROTHY THE DINOSAUR MEETS SANTA CLAUS (2009): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/689075606820929536/nostalgiamare-entry-4-name-dorothy-the-dinosaur

ENTRY 5: ENCHANTED TALES: FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS (2007): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/689752368093478912/nostalgiamare-entry-5-name-disney-princess

ENTRY 6: THE FAIRIES (1998/2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/691515288788811776/nostalgiamare-entry-6-name-the-fairies

ENTRY 7: A MISER BROTHERS CHRISTMAS (2008): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/692783534418640896/nostalgiamare-entry-7-name-a-miser-brothers

ENTRY 8: CANDYLAND: THE GREAT LOLLIPOP ADVENTURE (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/693417744320921600/nostalgiamare-entry-8-name-candyland-the-great

ENTRY 9: MY SCENE: JAMMIN IN JAMAICA (2004): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/695867153006673920/nostalgiamare-entry-9-name-my-scene-jammin-in

ENTRY 10: ANGELINA BALLERINA: THE NEXT STEPS (2009): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/696952101290590208/nostalgiamare-entry-10-name-angelina-ballerina

ENTRY 11: THOMAS AND THE MAGIC RAILROAD (2000): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/697582314723688448/nostalgiamare-entry-11-name-thomas-and-the-magic

ENTRY 12: MULAN II (2004): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/698397071203598336/nostalgiamare-entry-12-name-mulan-ii

ENTRY 13 (FLASH FILES): MY SCENE WEBSITE GAMES (2003-2006?): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/700784094052777984/nostalgiamare-13-flash-files-edition-note

ENTRY 14: 3-2-1 PENGUINS (2000/2006): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/702383262770790400/nostalgiamare-entry-14-name-3-2-1-penguins

ENTRY 15: JONAH: A VEGGIETALES MOVIE (2002): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/703553506246901760/nostalgiamare-entry-15-name-jonah-a-veggietales

ENTRY 16: STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE: THE SWEET DREAMS MOVIE (2006): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/705602354641240064/nostalgiamare-entry-16-name-strawberry-shortcake

ENTRY 17: TROLLZ (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/706918913623162880/nostalgiamare-entry-17-name-trollz

ENTRY 18: LITTLE ROBOTS (2003): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/708815618392064000/nostalgiamare-entry-18-name-little-robots

ENTRY 19: RAINBOW MAGIC: RETURN TO RAINSPELL ISLAND (2010): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/711264317441507328/nostalgiamare-entry-19-name-rainbow-magic-return

ENTRY 20: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: BELLE’S MAGICAL WORLD (1998): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/713666302355685376/nostalgiamare-entry-20-name-beauty-and-the

ENTRY 21: VEGGIETALES: SWEETPEA BEAUTY (2010): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/715891624572502016/nostalgiamare-entry-21-name-veggietales-sweetpea

ENTRY 22: MY LITTLE PONY: THE PRINCESS PROMENADE (2006): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/717333412998987776/nostalgiamare-entry-22-name-my-little-pony-the

ENTRY 23: SESAME STREET: ABBY IN WONDERLAND (2008): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/719563021568147456/nostalgiamare-entry-23-name-sesame-street-abby

ENTRY 24: BOB THE BUILDER: SNOWED UNDER (2004): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/721156187929853952/nostalgiamare-entry-24-name-bob-the-builder

ENTRY 25: THE MUPPETS: WIZARD OF OZ (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/723550825874636800/nostalgiamare-entry-25

ENTRY 26: MADELINE: LOST IN PARIS (1999): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/727404568657444864/nostalgiamare-entry-26

ENTRY 27: RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER AND THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS (2001): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/729845017165824000/nostalgiamare-entry-27

ENTRY 28: TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND (2007): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/733186397998022656/nostalgiamare-entry-28

ENTRY 29: STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE: SEABERRY BEACH PARTY (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/736902862675820544/nostalgiamare-entry-29

ENTRY 30: THE ADVENTURES OF ELMO IN GROUCHLAND (1999): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/740717187878273024/nostalgiamare-entry-30

ENTRY 31: THE BACKYARDIGANS (2004): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/743921063785824256/nostalgiamare-entry-31

ENTRY 32: THE MR MEN SHOW (2008): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/748873309081452544/nostalgiamare-entry-32

ENTRY 33: BIG TIME RUSH (2009): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/754951703066017792/nostalgiamare-entry-33

ENTRY 34: WINX CLUB (2004): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/759744107209981952/nostalgiamare-entry-34

ENTRY 35: MY LITTLE PONY LIVE: THE WORLD’S BIGGEST TEA PARTY (2008): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/761915708758163456/nostalgiamare-entry-35

ENTRY 36: FOXBUSTERS (1999): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/764584197731090432/nostalgiamare-entry-36

ENTRY 37: SCARY GODMOTHER (2003): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/765823694560985088/nostalgiamare-entry-37

ENTRY 38: HORSELAND (2006): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/767985906640699392/nostalgiamare-entry-38

ENTRY 39: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS: CHRISTMAS WHO? (2000): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/770963669436727297/nostalgiamare-entry-39

ENTRY 40: KING ARTHUR’S DISASTERS (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/772555110877429760/nostalgiamare-entry-40

ENTRY 41: SHEEP IN THE BIG CITY (2000): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/777339179656986624/nostalgiamare-entry-41

ENTRY 42: LOONATICS UNLEASHED (2005): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/781984435190038528/nostalgiamare-entry-42

ENTRY 43: THE KING AND I (1999): https://nostalgiamare.tumblr.com/post/786946814860460032/nostalgiamare-entry-43

[oldgamesdownload]

Jonah: A Veggietales Game

Jonah: A Veggietales Game

[sarcosuchus--imperator]

Look, the Larry boy theme song not being on here is a travesty. Have you HEARD the sax solo? Anyway...

Hairbrush song: 4/10 makes me feel sad for Larry

Barbara Manatee: 6/10 didn't get it as a kid

Water buffalo song: 9/10 bible camp singalong classic, long drawn out "ooooooh" really makes it

Pirates who don't do anything 10/10. Quintessential silly song. This song molded my brain

Stuff mart: 8/10. Catchy, clever rhymes.

His cheeseburger: 7/10. Another high concept that flew over my head. Very funny and still holds up.

Second chances: 12/10. This song is the emotional throbbing heart at the center of Jonah, and honestly the entirety of veggietales. There's no judgment, or expectation of piety. Just the bold reassurance that God loves you no matter what. What a wonderful message. I wish Christianity was this song and nothing more.

Belly of the whale: 3/10 this song lacks the veggietales charm unfortunately.

The bunny song: 7/10 the combination of deep voice and backup singers really works. The satirical take on how corporations understand loyalty really hits different as an adult.

Oh Santa: 6/10 this one is just fine. It would have been 5/10, but bringing in the IRS is really funny

Honorable mention to the songs included on the point and click Adventure game where you play as junior, and collect little songs for Larry to sing around the campfire. There are some BANGERS in there.

I grew up christian, so veggie tales was pretty big in my house as a kid. and uh some of the songs kinda slapped. so I'll ignore my religious trauma for a moment to appreciate these musical masterpieces

[readyprayerone]

Chapter 14

I finally get why everyone says numerology is demonic. The thirteenth chapter was my unluckiest one yet. Not only did I found out my parents have been playing my game, PraiseLand (that my dad, Toby McKeehan AKA Lord Peacock created, but that’s not the point), but they were doing it to teach me a lesson. I still don’t know what the lesson was supposed to be, because they keep saying it’s because I’m intolerant, narcissistic, and unbelievably condescending, but that’s obviously not true. I mean, I know the words to more worship songs than anyone, even the unbelievably old ones, like “Shout to the Lord.”

They wouldn’t even let me do my Counselor post this week. It just totally grieves my spirit to think of all the brilliant references that went unexplicated from chapter 13. I guess I could do them now, or I could, if I didn’t have homework. My parents are making me learn about humility by reading about Jonah, which isn’t even really about humility. It’s about God punishing people who deserve it. Anyway, I wanted to become like a little child and watch the VeggieTales version, because those are always better, so I found my DVD of Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie and started watching it. But then I figured out my parents knew I’d go the VeggieTales route, so they tried to trick me by making me watch a movie that’s way longer than it takes to read the original story, which is only like 4 chapters long.

The Bible version didn’t have any vegetables in it, but it was still pretty good. And I realized everyone has been missing the whole point of the story this whole time. They all say it’s about learning to repent when God lets a giant whale swallow you, but that’s not the end of the story. That comes in the middle. The end is about Jonah getting mad at God because all the bad people in Nineveh, who didn’t deserve anything good, were honored just because they repented, and Jonah knows that isn’t fair, because he’s been good the whole time, and God tries to punish him. So Jonah goes and sits under a tree and says, “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

See? The whole point is that if God doesn’t do what you want, you should whine and complain and threaten to kill yourself. Since Jonah is the hero (that’s why it’s named for him), you should try to do what he does. That’s just basic biblical interpretation. And since my dad, Toby McKeehan (AKA Lord Peacock) is like the God of PraiseLand, since he created it, I should threaten to delete my entire PraiseLand account until they agree to let me win the contest and take over the entire company. And then I can kick out anyone who doesn’t like the way I run things, including Becky and Lord Peacock.

I know kicking my dad, Toby McKeehan (AKA Lord Peacock) out of PraiseLand is kinda like murdering God, since he created the whole thing, but that’s the lesson of the Bible story my parents made me read.

I finally won. There’s no other way to interpret it.