#Legilimency

[peachigummi]

test my luck ꢾ꣒ mattheo riddle.

summary: enemy to lovers! Mattheo and y/n have been each other's biggest haters since year 1, they're in their final year at Hogwarts. Mattheo finally pushes y/n to the edge, with his venomous words and guilt tactics.

pairing: enemy! mattheo x fem ravenclaw! reader

warnings: not for the faint of heart! mature themes/language. mentions of abuse. slow burn? bullying angst!! oh my god angst, but ends with some bittersweet fluff I promise! attempted suicide sorry (after reading this back, i dont mean it to be manipulation or to glorify or romanticize but! shit!! for a plot?)

note: i haven't written anything in literal years, the pov is going to shift a lot so bear with me. i honestly just lost any sense of motivation. but something in me just bloomed. you wont see any hp things on this blog it is my journal and i feel like sharing! maybe a part 2 in the making. if this gets enough response.

word count: 6,828

(slightly not really proofread or fan fact checked? if that's a thing ha)

playlist: should i create..? you know damn well the smiths would be in it! like Bigmouth Strikes Again?? that is mattheo!

reblogs & comments are so appreciated! i hope you enjoy <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It was the start of your last year of Hogwarts, it was an okay time. You personally didn’t get into too much trouble, you liked to stick by yourself for the most part. You studied hard because your muggle parents were still confused about you being a witch, and what you would get out of it. It was hard to process that information, it was a thing of fairy tales. You had to prove yourself in this new world. That…that was hard when you were constantly looking over your shoulder for Mattheo Riddle.

“What’s a whore doing in my seat?” Speak of the damn devil. 

You turned to look at him with a sarcastic smile, “Well hello to you too Mattheo.” You nod at the three other boys that were with him, each of their arms crossed. “Draco. Blaise. Theodore.” You return to look at Mattheo, “you know last time I checked… there are no assigned seats in Potions.” You looked around and the class was still fairly empty.

“Think again and think hard.” Mattheo spoke to you in a cold shallow tone, he barely looked at you. He circled around the table you were at, your eyes following him. He suddenly stopped right behind your chair, yanking it back. There was a loud scrape, the few students that were in the room turned to look at the scene unfolding. You didn’t meet any of their eyes. Mattheo slammed his hand on the side of the table, making you flinch. You hated that you reacted that way. He grabbed the back of your ponytail, forcing your head forward where his hand was, “Look.” M. Riddle. D. Malfoy. B. Zabini. T. Nott. Their names were carved into the side. You grabbed Mattheo’s hand, the one that was still holding onto your ponytail, you tried to pry his icy cold fingers off. It only made him tighten his grip, he bent down to get close to your face, “I suggest you move unless you want me to carve my name onto your face as well.” he spat and finally let go. 

“Whatever,” you gathered your books, “this seat sucks anyways. I’ll go hang out with Professor Snape up front.” You rolled your eyes as Draco lit up a cigarette, handing the pack to the boys to share. If you’re going to try and get away with smoking, yeah do it in the back of the class I guess.

“You really like being a teacher’s pet don’t you? That’s why you’ve always got your nose up Snape’s ass.” 

“Seriously fuck off! Go continue to lose brain cells with your sorry excuse of friends.” You push the seat back and let it topple over. You mentally slapped yourself, you shouldn’t be feeding into his remarks.

“That’s cute sunshine, I’ll bet you have a hard time standing up for yourself in every aspect of your pathetic life. Do better.” Mattheo smugly said, smoking the cigarette that was in his hand.

You opened your mouth to speak but decided against it, you ended up just flipping him off. He did the same, giving you an annoyed look. You took the seat next to Hermione in the front of the class. Ugh! That Mattheo. “Are you okay?!” She asked, shooting daggers at the group, turning to you again “How can you put up with that? We have to tell someone..” you shook my head and whispered, “it’ll only make things worse. I don’t want to be a snitch. It’s already been six years anyways… how can one more year really change things.”

Blaise laughed, “you like that don’t you mattheo? Isn’t she so cute when she’s angry, you like feisty girls, yeah?”

Draco chuckles, “oh he definitely does, too bad she’s a stupid bitch.” The group laughs together.

You could hear them hollering from the back. You tried to calm yourself down and pay attention to the different measurements of the potions you were being taught. Maybe I could switch this class to a different time. You thought, focusing back to the lesson when Professor Snape mentioned something about needing to be in groups of three for an upcoming project.

Before Snape could assign anyone, Mattheo spoke up, “Sir I’d like to work with Theodore, if that’s permitted.” Snape looked annoyed by his interjection but answered, “No, Theodore will be with Y/N and Draco. Nothing will change. I already made the groups, they will be posted near the storeroom.” He gave Mattheo a dirty look.

You could hear Draco scoff but he didn't say anything. Yet. He kept to himself and his buddies while they continued to smoke and do other things to piss Professor Snape off before the class was finally dismissed. I guess I didn’t need to worry about being in a pair with Mattheo. You still wanted to protest against the group choice, but nothing would come of it. You knew better than to go against Snape’s final word. Theodore wasn’t such a horrible person, he actually can be pretty smart and helpful, if you got him alone. Otherwise when he was with even just one of his buddies, he was just like them - a jerk. It was Draco you won’t be able to stand.

“Don't do anything stupid, Y/L/N, and we might actually do okay in this project.” That was Draco himself, walking over with Theodore.

You ignored his comment, “where should we meet and when?”

“We can use one of the abandoned classrooms. Before the lunch break?” Theodore suggested, handing a note with directions.

“Okay. See you.” You said as bluntly as possible, gathering your book. You went to grab the ingredients your group might need. 

“Teachers pet!” Draco yelled after.

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Of course you were the first to the abandoned classroom, you had been waiting for nearly twenty minutes before either of them showed. When they did, they didn’t bother to apologize, though you didn’t expect them to. Even with smart comments from both boys, you finished discussing the project and the presentation at a decent hour. It was quiet as you started to collect your things, Draco excused himself earlier to collect a package.

“Y/N, why is it that you hate Mattheo so much?” Theodore broke the silence, carefully watching you wrap the vials carefully. You paused, taken back. “He’s been trying to get a rise out of you since day 1, why?” He continued nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

You quickly grab them out of his hand and put it in your own breast pocket, “don’t smoke around me.” 

This made him annoyed, “Hey! I need those! They keep me calm!” 

“No you don't, you've been fine this entire time without them. I’m not trying to raise your blood pressure right now. You’re fine.” You give him a good look, maybe he was playing dumb. How could he not know? Theodore and Mattheo were best friends; they must have already talked about this, “I only hate Mattheo because he hates me. It’s all there's to it…” I think.

He lingers for a moment after you answered him, there is something else you haven’t said, “tell me what you think. There’s always some deeper reason for this sort of stuff” He rested his chin on his hand. See this is why I favored Theodore from the rest of his group, but should I still trust him? He could use this information against me. I took the chance.

“Over the years I suspected it was just plainly because I was a mudblood and not some perfect pure-bred like you folk.” You continued to wrap the vials carefully. 

Theodore rolled his eyes, “He does have a thing against people with different backgrounds than his own. He thinks everyone in this school should be from a wizarding family. But that’s not the case with you.” He grabbed a vial too, helping me wrap them, “He’s never said anything about your parents or how they’re muggles.” Mattheo would talk about me when I wasn’t around? Why would he do that? You looked into his eyes searching for some joke or underlying lie. There was none I could detect.

You recall the moment aloud when you first laid your eyes on Mattheo, “It was at the train station. Our first year. I remember hugging and kissing my parents goodbye, not wanting to let go of them. I turned around to go on the train and there was a much much smaller Mattheo staring at me with wide beady little eyes that were glossed over with tears. He was cute in that split second - ” You couldn’t help but smile at the memory. Theodore watched you carefully. You straightened your lips, continuing, “ - before he stuck a solid wad of gum in my hair.”

Theodore bellowed, nearly falling backwards in his chair, “Yeah that sounds like him, that’s a classic stunt he’d pull off. There was this one time in year 5 when he stuck gum on the chair of one of the professors before class…I never saw her so mad after she sat down and got up, her chair nearly followed her around!” He tried to settle himself down, “Mattheo always had a thing for doing stuff to people and acting as if it’s all a joke.”

“It’s not a joke when you have to cut your hair super short in order to remove the gum. I felt so naked without my long hair, it was so beautiful! And he made it worse when he made a point to show how ugly I was to everyone in the Great Hall. I even remember you laughing just like you are now.” You pushed his shoulder.

Theodore smirked, “yeah we all laughed, how couldn’t we?! You looked ridiculous before you grew it back out. We used to call you Baldy McEgg-head. You’d get so mad, only making us laugh harder.” At least someone cherished the memory. You rolled your eyes.

It grew quiet again, “have you ever met Mattheo’s parents? Has he ever talked to you about them?”

“No. I’ve never met them. He’s never really talked about his parents or his life outside Hogwarts. I don’t think he’s on great terms with his dad. He always stayed with them during the breaks, and wasn't ever allowed to spend it with us or here at hogwarts. He missed out on a lot of important hang outs. I wished he was there for them” Theodore explained, he sounded disappointed and angry.

“Do…do you think he’s jealous of my home life? The affection I was receiving in front of him at the train station…” 

He thinks for a moment, “I suppose it could be a possibility…hard to tell. He doesn’t allow himself to show too much emotion, again, probably has to do with the way he must have been raised.”

You wanted to do more research into Mattheo’s family…but how? “Thanks for this Teddy. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” You finished packing everything into your bag. Before you left you tossed him back his pack of cigarettes, “see you later.”

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You let out a sigh of relief, to be alone once again. Mettheo Riddle, what secrets do you hide? You made your way to the library instead of the Great Hall. After a few hours of searching around the library, you finally find a section of massive thick old leather bound books. You blew on the covers, these books contained a record of all the wizards and witches that had attended Hogwarts. Kind of like a yearbook, but it told you what came of them. Who married who, what did they end up doing after Hogwarts, etc. a rare but quite the gem of a find. “R… R.. R” you whispered, touching the book ends. You look at the bottom of the bookshelf finding the one that contained the last names that began with R. You found it, and you began to look through for the name “Riddle.”

Just as you got to the last name, you felt a wave of shame. You were snooping into somebody’s life. Their history. This is wrong. If Mattheo wanted to talk about his home life, surely he would have. He was hiding something. There were heavy slow footsteps coming around the corner of the aisle. You snapped the book shut holding it behind you and you looked at the section opposite of where you just were. Mattheo, they were his steps, you could tell. 

“Of course you’d be in the library doing nerd stuff.” He doesn’t sound happy, but also when is he truly ever?

You looked at him then around yourself, “who me? A nerd for being in the library?” I mean he wasn’t wrong but ..yeah. You still point at him, “Where are you then? Because it seems to be you’re also in the library with…” you fake gasp, “...Me! Making you a nerd too!” You hoped that confused him, you shifted the leather book behind your back. It was getting heavy by the second.

“I’m ditching classes to smoke,” He takes a rip of a cigarette that was nearly at its end, he blows the smoke in your face. “Nerd.”

“Whoop-dee-doo what a stellar insult Mettheo. I’m a ravenclaw. What did you expect? I’d rather be a nerd than a-” You took a step closer to him squinting then widening your eyes in horror, “oh my god Mattheo did you lose a tooth from all that smoking?” He quickly shoved his pinky into his mouth feeling his teeth in a panic. If there was one thing he cared more about than cigarettes it was keeping up with his good looks. Uh did I just describe him as good looking?

He actually laughed once he finished counting his teeth, “They’re perfectly fine. I care about taking care of myself, unlike you. How often do you wash yourself? I doubt you even brush your hair. I did you a favor when you had to cut it off. You have no sense of style, even with a selection of uniforms! Why do you dress like it’s winter all year? You dress like a peasant from the 1820’s”

Okay ouch, that kinda hurt. You’ve been insecure with your body, you always struggled with that. Dressing in sweaters helped hide it. You didn’t know how to respond, maybe he's right. You couldn’t stand up for yourself to save your life. You just shoved his shoulder with your own and walked past him. 

Matthew continues to follow you, “did you just shove me you twat?” He snatched the book out of my arms holding it a ways away from you, “If you’re going to do sneaky shit, don’t do it so obviously. Is this a diary or something?” Your eyes widened trying to take it back, but he held it up high above his head easily with one hand.

“Yes! It’s my diary, it’s where I gush about the god almighty perfect Mattheo!” I sarcastically said, still hoping he wouldn’t look at the title of the book. “No stupid! I dont have one, I just got done working on the potions project with your buddies. Hand me back the book.”

“Oh I bet you three had lots of fun. Did you talk about me while you were there? Did you talk about how you can’t take your eyes and mind off of me? You’re clearly obsessed, following me around like a love sick puppy. You pop up wherever I happen to be.” 

“Ew no never.” You fought your expression back, did Theodore tell him something? Fuck. “Draco left, it was just Teddy and I. we spent it kissing the whole time. Super carefree. His lips surprisingly didn't taste like cigarettes, they were pretty sweet.”

Mattheo’s smug smirk fades even before you finish your sentence. He hated how you used a nickname for his friend. He despised the thought of you kissing anyone, especially his mates, “fucking liar. THEODORE, not TEDDY, doesn’t like you. He just tolerates you because he has to. He wouldn’t be caught dead kissing you. You’re disgusting and I pity anyone who has the displeasure of touching you in any way other than to harm you. 

You hold your hands up, “woah woah woah, whatever makes you sleep peacefully at night. Why else did Teddy take me to an abandoned classroom, it was our chance to get away together especially after Draco conveniently left.” You couldn’t believe you were lying through your teeth, this would forsure come back and bite you in the ass even harder. You haven’t even had your first kiss yet. You haven't even been romantically linked with anyone before. 

“Stop fucking calling him Teddy, it’s Theodore!”

“Can you guys get a room or SHUT UP! For Merlin’s Sake” A random student yelled out at us. Slamming their hand on the table. You were embarrassed because you took pride in keeping the library a sacred place to study or relax.

“Piss off. Go find a room of your own instead of listening to us talking. You must be a first year, if you’re still so sensitive to other’s voices in the library.” He continued to raise his voice, “We’ve been like this for years! Blah blah blah!!”

“Stop it Mattheo.” You shove him again, mouthing to the student, I'm very sorry. With the distraction you go and grab the book in Mattheo’s hand but he quickly readjusts his grip.

“You don’t have to apologize for me, sunshine. You should apologize to him for your existence, do everyone a favor will you?” He finally looked down at the title of the book, Who Were They and Where They Now?: Hogwarts. He carefully used a single finger to pry it open to where the fabric bookmark was, immediately seeing his own surname. He gives a manic laugh looking up at your face and slamming the book down to the floor, “you stalker. You are obsessed with me.” 

He lunged at you. You took a step back, you hit the shelving. Your heart was beating so fast you thought you would pass out from the red handed guilt. 

“What kind of information were you looking to find huh?” He pointed a finger at me, his eyes ice cold. Looking to murder. Your head suddenly hurt, there was a high pitched ringing that wouldn't stop. You went to cover your ears to find some relief but Mattheo grabbed you and shook hard, “what the FUCK did you think you would find? Tell me. Tell me NOW!” You didn’t know what to say he just stared hard at you, his nails digging into your arms. You winced. He began to speak fast and harshly as if he knew, as if you had said something. 

“Did you really expect you would find out that I had a happy home? Do you think I’m happy being born in some dingy hovel? Do you think I'm overjoyed to be related to and be abused by my father? He beat me black and blue and hated my existence. My mother just sat there silently watching. She doesn’t care. Would YOU be thrilled knowing that you came from a long line of dark wizards who’ve caused pain and suffering to people for centuries.” 

You began to cry, “Mattheo..”

“You honestly think I would be so proud of that to tell everyone?” He scoffed.

“Mattheo you’re hurting me…”

“I. Don’t. Care.” His deep brown eyes didn’t leave yours, “you should have minded your own business. Stupid girl prying into my history. What do you care? Did you think I'd be less of a jerk to you if I had a perfect loving family like yours? ”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry! I .. I.”

“Shut up. You don't get to speak. I don't need you feeling sorry for me, I can handle myself. This is probably the worst you’ll ever experience.”

“Y-You’re right. I’m.. I’m grateful I never had to e-endure that” You were one stuttering mess. 

He moves one hand to cup your mouth to shut you up again, “what did i say. I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth.” He rose the other up threateningly. 

You closed your eyes. Do it Mattheo. Please. I deserve it. I’m sorry I tried to pry. Do it. He was surprised by your offer and looked at you in confusion, his expression didn’t change though. “What kind of sick request is that?” You open your eyes again to meet his. Both of you were in disbelief, did he just-? “Why would you want me to beat you? Because you feel bad for me? I don’t want nor need your sympathy. Trying to act like a saint that's willing to be my punching bag whenever I want.” he scoffed, letting your mouth free, taking a single step back away from you.

“Then why are you so mean to me? Tell me that. When I first laid eyes on you during our first year at the train platform, I thought we would be friends.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing where his fingers had dug into you.

“You’re a prissy annoying know-it-all goody two shoes that thinks she’s better than everyone. You can’t help but chime in whenever you have the chance and show off.”

“So it’s just my existence then huh, nothing else to it?” You felt your own anger finally rise, you wiped your tears off your cheek trying to regain composure.

“Pretty much. You’re unbearable. You are the most unexciting thing I’ve ever encountered.”

“Let me fix that for you.” Your eyes betrayed you and let the gates open, the flood starting to spill once more. Before Mattheo could get another hold of you you quickly shuffled off, dropping your things. Already feeling limp. Just hoping your legs would carry you a bit more.

Mattheo rolls his eyes, “tsk so stupid.” He stood there staring at the place you once were. Thinking about what occurred when he processed what you said, “Y/N! Hey I-..” He began to follow in the direction you went off to.

Your shuffle turned into a run, you just needed privacy. Anything. Your dorm was too far away, so you went into the nearest girls bathroom and into the furthest stall to sob.

Mattheo reaches the hallway, looking to his left and right. Fuck where did she go? He closes his eyes to listen closely. He heard something faint and went with his gut.

You sat down beside the toilet, hitting your head with your fist. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” You heard a familiar giggle, “go away Myrtle. Now’s especially not the time.” 

Bathroom, you had to be in the bathroom. He went inside not caring if another girl would see him, “Y/N? You’re in here, I know you are. Look, just come out will you?” Instead Moaning Myrtle came forth.

“Are you looking for me?” she bit her finger looking him up and down, “we don't get that many cute boys in here.” She sighed, still admiring him, “Nevertheless, shame on you. How could someone as delicious as you treat someone so horribly.” She laughed in his face.

“Shut up. I don't need to be lectured by some depressed ghost. Why are you even here. Go away.” He went further inside the bathroom pushing doors in, “actually have you seen a girl come in, Y/N?”

“Yes!” She said excitedly pointing to the last stall, “She’s coming with me and we’ll get to haunt together. It’ll be so fun to not be alone anymore” She broke into another high pitched laugh, clapping her hands with joy. 

“What the hell is she on about?” That’s when he noticed broken glass from a mirror. His heart drops, “you’ve got to be kidding me…” He rushed over pushing the final door in, but this one wouldn’t budge. “Y/N. It’s Mattheo..” his heart drops and he pales when he notices blood start to seep out from under the door, you’ve hurt yourself. “Y/N!” He says again louder, “open the door! Open it right fucking now! Y/N!!”

You didn’t want him to see you like this, no one should have to see this. You try to hold the door closed but you were losing your strength to do anything. The blood made it slippery so your hand slid down, “M-m-mattheo haven’t..you said enough?”

Myrtle pointed to the glass, “look how eager she was! Damaging school property to break free” She did a couple spins in the air, “any minute now!”

“That’s it. I’ve had enough.” Mattheo raised his wand and shot a blast at the lock, it broke open and he flung the door open to reveal you laying on the floor. His heart seemed to stop completely. “Shit! Dammit! Y/N!” 

The blast frightened you, “No. Mattheo. No.” You could only make out his dark curly haired head. You tried to swat him away before losing consciousness due to blood loss. 

Professor Snape rushed in after hearing a blast, “what the bloody hell is going on in here, Mr. Riddle.”

Mattheo looked at him with an angry and panicked expression, “I need her in the infirmary right now.” He said through gritted teeth. He leans over you, grabbing a large bunch of toilet paper and quickly kneels next to you. Applying pressure on your bleeding left wrist.

Snape understood immediately, “Keep the pressure on the wrist, Riddle.” He was able to pick you up easily, but he was not enthusiastic about having your blood staining his robes, “with HASTE Riddle! Follow me!” And off they went to the infirmary. Once there Snape quickly laid you on a bed gently before Madame Pomfrey took over. 

She was able to stop and clean the bleeding, while she examined the cut striation she asked both Snape and Mattheo what blood type they were, “The girls lost too much blood, she needs a transfusion.” She began to stitch the wrist, the cut was near vertical to the veins. 

Mattheo in a less than a split second looked at Pomfrey, “Am I able to donate for her.” He didn’t say it as a question, he wanted it to be a command. 

“As long as you share the same blood type then yes, sweetheart. Please, fresh blood is much better. We can’t wait more time, Ms. Y/L/N is so terribly pale. She can have a seizure any minute if we dont get more blood to her brain” still carefully pulling at threads. His hand was still holding yours. 

He nods impatiently, less talking, more action. “I’m AB-” he gulped. One of the rarest blood types in the world, “what type is she?” he began to roll up his sleeve even before Pomfrey was able to respond.

“Goodheavens! Thank Merlin. She’s AB- as well!” She sighs looking up at the ceiling for a split second, calling for a nurse to help set up the transfusion. He took a seat on your left, watching the nurse insert a needle into each of your arms. He didn’t flinch, but he gave her a threatening look when she inserted a needle into your arm, thinking she would bring more pain to you. 

Madame Pomfrey stood up, finished. “If it was with a straight razor and not a glass shard, I don’t think i would have been able to-” she let her voice die down after seeing how pale Mattheo began to look too, she shut her mouth as to not worry him more with what the other alternative was. He couldn’t hide his guilt. His eyes were alternating between your face and his blood that was slowly running into your body through a single tubing. He desperately needed it to go faster. 

“Is there a chance she would wake up with problems with her veins or her nerves?” He asked.

Pomfrey patted the boy's shoulders, “Let’s hope not, let’s hope they hold. With the basics in place, there’s nothing a little magic can’t help.” This eased him, “Ms. Y/L/N wont wake for a couple of hours. She needs to be watched to make sure she doesn’t rip my stitching job or we will go back to square one my boy. Can I trust you?”

“Is that really a necessary question?” He bit his tongue, “Sorry, yes I will watch over her. I need to be here when she wakes up.”

“Best she gets a psychiatrist too, but that's a later issue to address. We’ll focus on physical healing for now.” Pomfrey looked at Mattheo curiously, isn’t this one of the trouble-making slytherin boys? She shook her head and walked out to attend to another student.

“Y/N i’m here.” He studies your face, deep with regret and guilt. He holds your right hand tightly, he whispers softly, “it’s okay, you’re going to be alright..”

“Riddle.” Snape was still watching everything from the shadows of the room, “What happened to my best student, why is he in this condition?”

“It’s my fault, Professor…I was making a fool out of myself. I was treating her like hell… it went too far. She must have had a breakdown and she-” he couldn’t bear to describe your condition out loud.

Snape held a hand up to silence him from saying more, “rather than giving you detention for the rest of your time here at Hogwarts. I will need you to attend all the girl’s classes she will be missing in her recovery. She must not fall behind.”

“Yes sir, I understand. I’ll do it.” 

Snape turned to leave but came back toward the boy and yanked the cigarette box from his uniform pocket, “none of these for you either, especially as you are sharing blood with Y/N. She never liked you smoking.” and off he turned around to change his own robes from the blood.

“Anything for you.” he whispered towards you, “please wake up soon.”

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You began to stir, your eyes fluttering open. You looked around in a panic. You were incredibly sore, especially your left wrist. It stung badly. Mattheo had fallen asleep in the chair when he jolted awake to the sound of your movements, “Calm down, relax, you’re in the infirmary. You’re safe.” He couldn’t help but feel like he just lied about it being safe, if he was the cause of this.

“M…m..Mattheo” You began to cry again, “I’m so sorry.” You went to reach out and hug him but flinched. You followed the red transfusion line to him, “oh Mattheo.”

He sat up to lean towards you. He shushes you and wipes your tears with the back of his hand, ‘you need to calm down and take it easy, princess. You’ve lost a lot of blood and you're still weak. This is just to bring your levels up, you’ll start to feel better soon.”

You stared at his beautiful eyes, ones that had held so much hate but there seemed to be no trace of it now. You felt guilty, I acted like a coward. “Myrtle said it was going to be quick and painless. I’m so stupid I couldn’t even do it right.” You felt another wave of tears coming but  you tried to choke them down.

“No youre not, you’re not at fault.” He couldn’t help but chuckle cautiously as what he was about to say, “you might be a know-it-all but you just need to have more control with your thoughts. Don’t listen to Moaning Myrtle. Don’t be hard on yourself, you're not stupid. You did nothing wrong.”

“I thought I was doing you a favor.” you were so exhausted. But you needed to get this out before you lost consciousness again. With your good arm you help his hand tightly, looking him in the eyes again to emphasize the point you were going to make, “Mattheo, I really am idiotic. I Am. I did think you had a perfect life, it didn’t cross my mind that you had it any other way. You were always carefree and just let's be honest, acting like you're’ better than everyone else. It was wrong of me to have assumed that.”

He frowns. “Don’t apologize. There’s no way to tell what someone is going through ultimately. I..cope in my own way.” He softly strokes your cheek with this thumb.

If it wasn’t for the pain, you would have thought you were asleep. Dead. Or in purgatory. A realm between realms. No way the mattheo I’ve known my whole life is sitting beside me looking..lovingly at me? You felt horrible. Did I just manipulate him into caring about me? Just hours ago he was mocking and saying nasty things as usual. 

Mattheo could see the look of disbelief in your eyes from the way he was behaving, “Y/N. I’m caring for you. No you’re not dreaming or in some other realm. You’re here, with me, thank Merlin. You didn’t manipulate me, you woke me up.”

You sat up too quickly for your own good, your head feeling light “How are you doing that?” 

He shook his head, “Another time. I’m really sorry for how I treated you. You think I’m just some asshole, but I'm more than that really. I want to be more than that. No one else has gotten to see the real me.”

“Mattheo, I see you.” Despite your pain, you reach out to cup his face between your hands. For a second, you saw the boy you first laid your eyes on that first year at the train station. The same sad eyes, “I see you.”

He sighed into your touch, it was a soft and innocent gesture he was not used to. He chuckled softly, and gently placed his hands over yours, keeping them there. He didn’t want to lose the touch, “I know you do, and that’s exactly why I'm afraid.”

You couldn’t help but imagine - how different our lives could have been for the last 6 years, if he would have just introduced himself to me. Explained why he looked so pained when I was with my family. “My parents would have welcomed you as their own” you explained your thoughts to him. “I could have protected you. You could have visited me during the holiday breaks. I know saying it will not change the past and what has happened to you. But I see you Matty.”

“yeah..it’s too late to change the past, I should’ve but I didn’t think you’d understand. It doesn’t excuse the way I treated you all these years, Y/N.” His voice got shaky, his eyes starting to water. He was a mess.

“No, don't you start Mattheo please, baby.” You brought him into a hug, again ignoring your throbbing wrist. “Easy now.” you soothed the curls that were behind his neck. They felt so soft.

Mattheo rested his head on your shoulder and held you tightly, softly crying into you. He wrapped his arms around you and held onto your shirt like he was afraid to let go. He couldn’t remember the last time someone treated him like this, it felt so new and overwhelming.

You kissed the top of his head, inhaling - cigarettes. You hated that he smoked but at this moment the smalle was comforting. He let out a deep sigh. You broke the hug only because you scooted over on the bed, and tugged him to lay beside you. We watched you, he looked so tired. He nodded in agreement with a small smile, he carefully laid beside you, making sure to be careful of your condition.

You gave him a reassuring look that wasn’t hurting you. I’m okay. You looked at your arms touching side by side, still connected by the tubing. You couldn't help but laugh, “Matty isn’t it ironic? All this pure-blood and mudblood talk and look” you carefully lifted the tube, “we’re still one and the same foundation.” You smiled at him, helping wipe his tear stained cheeks now. “Thanks for your donation to me.”

He too couldn't help but grin back at you. He couldn’t believe you weren’t pushing him away for how he treated you, or for how vulnerable he was at the moment, “any time, but please actually don’t do that ever again. You made me worried to death..”

“No I won’t. Pinky promise.” You held out your pinky for him to take. 

He took it in his own nodding, “good, you’re stuck with me now.”

With our pinkies still woven, you  looked at the size difference. You turned toward his Bambi like eyes, “let's start this over on the right foot. Better late than never? Hi i’m Y/N, [insert some fun facts about yourself].”

Mattheo smiled more widely, blushing his pinky did make yours look kiddish. It was adorable. He gave you a playful look, smirking at you like he usually would, “Nice to meet you there, Y/N. I’m Mattheo, the sexiest guy you’ll meet in Hogwarts.”

There’s my Mattheo. “And you promise to…?” you coaxed him.

He gave your pinky another squeeze, “to try to be nice and kind to you, and avoid bullying you….as well as to not smoke in your presence…you happy?”

You kind of nodded, holding in your laugh, “aaaand…?”

He looked at you, trying to read what you wanted him to say. He gave your pinky another, slightly rougher, squeeze. “And I promise not to throw a wad of gum into your beautiful hair?”

“Bingo. Mr. Riddle, that’s what I was ultimately looking for.” You let go of his pinky, “but it is nice to know the other stuff too.” you waved your hand like it was nothing, but it was my everything. He gave you a sarcastic scoff, he liked that you were still acting like your old self too. 

You kissed his cheek and his face went redder than a cherry, you acted shocked “woah did I just make Mattheo, the sexiest guy in Hogwarts BLUSH?!” You slapped your hands against your cheeks in play disbelief, slightly regretting the pain it brought to your arms. He quickly shook his head and blushed even more than originally thought possible, he tried to hide his face away from you, “S-shut up! That’s a lie! I was not blushing, it’s just your imagination.”

You laughed at his reaction, taking his hand in mine once more comparing the hand sizes. You put my head against his shoulder, before dropping your jester attitude. Making him form another pinky promise with you. “Mattheo, I promise to be there for you. I want to protect you. You shouldn’t live in the shadow of your home life, especially not alone. Just as much as I’m stuck with you. You’re stuck with me. That’s my promise to you.”

His heart beat fast, it nearly melted his heart to hear your promise. He let out a deep, shaky breath. He couldn't stop the small tear that rolled down his cheek, he didn’t bother wiping it. He just leaned his head down to rest on your own, “deal…”

There was a pause, before you spoke up again.“I know we just started the year but please, come back home with me this Christmas holiday when it rolls around.” You blinked up at him. You started to feel really sleepy, that was to be your last request and plea for the moment, “I’ll show you how muggles get down to holiday business.”

Mattheo looked down at you and smiled softly, as your eyes were struggling to stay open, “yea sure, i’ll spend the holidays with you” he wasn’t sure how he would, but he would worry about that later.

Many promises were made this day, and you intended to keep each and every single one of them. In many ways, you knew this would still be the same Mattheo you had always known, but it would all be so different now. You managed to break through his extremely guarded shell, the hardest way possible. But it needed to desperately be broken.

You turned Mattheo’s head to look at you, he met your gaze. The corner of his lip curled up as he knew what you were about to do. He let you take the lead, closing his eyes. You kissed his lips slowly, cherishing how it felt. You wanted more of him, but your body was pleading for rest. You hugged his arm and surrendered.

He couldn’t help but touch his lips afterwards with his fingertips. He watched as you gave in to exhaustion, he followed your lead and let out a deep sigh before closing his eyes, “Goodnight princess.” Mattheo fell asleep to the sounds of you breathing and the sound of your heartbeat, they would surely become one of the most blissful lullabies to be heard by him. He intertwined his fingers with yours, he wouldn’t ever let go.

[neick-hitlz]

- What happened professor? Did your Legilimency lesson go badly..? 🤭🤫

[severus-snaps]

Legilimency & Occlumency & Emotion

i was reading something somewhere (possibly on my binge of metas last night, but who knows) that Snape was very talented at Occlumency, but just about average at Legilimency - but I respectfully disagree, and here's a whole (3k word) accidental ramble about it, which started as an observation and devolved into how I think Legilimency/Occlumency works in the context of Snape and Voldemort, and why I interpret it differently than it being (entirely) magical dissociation and actually quite an emotion-based skill once it's more complex TLDR: I've often seen Occlumency described/conceptualised as a "shield" or some kind of suppressed emotionless state, but I discovered upon writing this that I think it can be quite a bit more complex and emotional, actually - just like Snape <3

Snape's Talents

The idea that got me rambling today went something like "Draco, who only had a handful of lessons from Bellatrix, was able to keep Snape out of his mind using Occlumency - so Snape can't have been a very good Legilimens, or Occlumency was easy to do"

And I do agree that Snape was probably better at Occlumency than Legilimency by sheer quantity of practice alone - and also that, outside of using it on Harry (and Draco) when they were up to mischief, and Snape likely wishing he could use it to work out what Dumbledore was hiding from him, Snape had no desire to see, hear, interpret or otherwise get the gist of what anyone at Hogwarts was thinking - but especially not a bunch of pubescent students, nor colleagues who liked him on a surface level but obviously were not close enough to think Something Was Up when he killed Dumbledore (which, fair in some ways, unfair in others, but I digress)

[side note: Snape can't have just not used Occlumency for over a decade before Voldemort's return, so I like to think of him and Dumbledore practicing to keep his skills sharp - although I expect that would be another 'fun' way for Dumbledore to hold Snape in chains which would make for an interesting fic]

I suspect that if Snape had chosen to, he could've invaded Draco's mind in that scene, broken through whatever defenses Draco used - but that's not a very Snape thing to do to a student, and especially not one he knows well, was a family friend of, has closely seen grow up, and probably has a soft spot for. It's very reminiscent of his conversation with Narcissa, to me. Throughout that entire conversation with Draco, Snape was trying to comfort Draco, empathise with him, get Draco to trust him, confide in him, offer support to Draco whether he wanted it or not - not further alienate him to a point where Snape couldn't help. And besides, invading Draco's mind aggressively doesn't sit very well with his vow "to the best of your ability, protect him from harm".

And as for Harry's lessons, Harry was using spells - which Snape seemed surprised, interested, and almost impressed to learn that were effective against Legilimency, which isn't surprising in itself as it's not a widely used area of magic. And since Harry had no idea that Snape (and probably Dumbledore) were 'reading his mind' for years before he learnt about Legi/Occlumency, I don't expect many people would know if Snape used it, or put up a fight using those methods - other Death Eaters probably stuck to Occluding, because it would hardly garner any favour if they cast a stinging hex or Protego at Voldemort or in a DE meeting Which brings me back to my other point as well, which was that "Occlumency possibly wasn't difficult to do". On a rudimentary level that might be true (at least insofar as any advanced magic was difficult to do - Harry was actually quite talented, e.g. casting a corporeal patronus at 13/14 or whatever, and Draco could do it after a few lessons with Bellatrix). Harry learnt almost despite Snape, because he didn't take instruction from him well and because Snape is (intentionally) abrasive in lessons (which I could go on about, since Snape couldn't really be nice to Harry when Voldemort was possibly looking through harry's eyes at any given moment - and as other metas have pointed out was another layer to Snape's rage when Harry looked at his memories). But Snape could do it without a wand, without an incantation, so he was reasonably skilled - imagine casting a full body Patronus or other impressive spell with neither a wand nor an incantation

Also we don't know precisely how long Draco had lessons for, it might have been loads and he was actually pretty good, or it might have been 3 and he was awful. But unlike Snape, who is not the greatest Legilimens of all time (that's apparently Voldemort?), it was glaringly obvious to him that Draco was using Occlumency - Snape had him sussed in like 3 seconds, and chose not to go any further for the reasons I outlined above - which interestingly he did not do with Harry, when faced with finding out where Harry learnt Sectumsempra (but at that point both Snape and Draco's life had been on the line - if Draco dies, presumably so does Snape?)

Which brings me back to Snape... How I think Legilimency/Occlumency works (sometimes)

You have no subtlety The mind is a complex and many-layered thing It is true, however, that those who have mastered Legilimency are able, under certain conditions, to delve into the minds of their victims and to interpret their findings correctly. The Dark Lord, for instance, almost always knows when somebody is lying to him. Only those skilled at Occlumency are able to shut down those feelings and memories that contradict the lie, and so utter falsehoods in [Voldemort's] presence without detection.

There's a lot to take in there, and also pretty ballsy to say to Voldemort-by-proxy (Harry), which might reduce the validity of my idea that Snape didn't want to be nice to Harry during their lessons in case Voldemort was watching, since Snape's pretty happy to give Voldemort (and the reader, more likely) a complete insight into what he's himself doing... although I expect that Voldemort has considered this, and also doesn't recognise the limits of his own power - or the extent of Snape's.

I also wonder whether the 'certain conditions' are something simple, like eye contact being made or the spell being cast, or whether there's something to the mental state of the 'caster' at the time as well, like there is with Occlumency walls/shields and being calm and empty-headed, or whether the conditions is the Occluder themselves presenting (or not presenting) some alternative things to interpret. One of the wizarding world (I think) pages says Snape trained a 'slight natural ability', so that makes me wonder more, as well, but i digress.

But my second point is this: Snape's talents weren't Occluding by total shutdown, or Occlumency 'shields' which always now irk me in fanfiction (this I'm definitely drawing from another meta but I have no idea where, so... apologies). Snape wasn't throwing up a wall in front of entire memories or thoughts, for the most part. Although I expect that between the Pensieve and Draco's example use of Occlumency, that was sometimes a function (e.g. some of the things Dumbledore told Snape to pass along, he'd have to entirely block out, alter, or otherwise adapt those memories to make it look as though Snape had passed information along of his own volition against Dumbledore's orders, or hide the fact that he'd helped Dumbledore when he was supposed to be helping Voldemort, etc).

So inkeeping with my own questionable metaphor, where Draco threw up a wall - metaphorically crumbling, last-minute, cowboy builder Occlumency where the wall would hold but you could see it very clearly and obviously; where with a lesser Occlumens the wall was nice enough, but you could see where the paint job didn't quite match up and the plastering wasn't done very evenly; Snape had the whole house set up so that you didn't know the wall wasn't there from the start, and probably had a few artfully chosen scuffs to make it seem real, or it was some kind of trapdoor under the carpet. (okay the metaphor died, but I've been watching a lot of remodelling shows lately, you get the point if you've read this far)

In another metaphor I imagine detecting a lie to be like running your fingertips along a smooth surface and finding a lip or a bump - you could then, pick at it, poke at it, tear it open. You could sense that something was being hidden, or withheld. But there were no lips or snags in Snape's thoughts; potentially Voldemort could simply not detect them, not even when he searched him openly, repeatedly, full eye contact, at the table at Malfoy Manor. Snape welcomed Voldemort into his (it's just occurred to me, but "mind palace") and Voldemort repeatedly, for years, could not tell that anything was amiss, and presumably Voldemort did this with much more ferocity (and skill) than Snape looking at Harry for 2 seconds and immediately summoning Harry's mental image of the Prince's copy of Advanced Potions Making

But it can't be down to detection alone. There's also a level of interpretation to Legilimency. So here I'm focusing on a more interesting aspect to me, which is how emotion is used in Legilimency/Occlumency. Obviously, Snape isn't Occluding all the time, and as much as I adore Alan Rickman, book!Snape was naturally a total petty, stuttering mess (love him for it) who only wishes he had Alan Rickman's gravitas, and could on occasion emulate it.

I told you to empty yourself of emotion! … Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers!

I think this quote is interesting for many reasons I probably won't be able to connect properly and are in no particular order beyond how I thought of them

Snape is emotional here when he says it, he's angry, annoyed, upset, and it's an honest feeling, and he's obviously not devoid of emotion but can still Occlude Harry

Snape is an emotional person, much as he tries to pretend not to be, and can still Occlude Voldemort just fine even on the night he thinks he's marching to his death at the end of GoF

Much like how many other kinds of magic require lots of study and a strong emotion/will/conscious thought at the start, perhaps it become easier with experience to the point where this advice is not essential (e.g. kind of like driving, I no longer have to think about changing gears like I did as a Learner)

Snape is also talking about himself here, indicative of Snape's worldview where showing 'weak' emotions is the problem - soft emotions, vulnerability, "never tell".

"Provoke" is exactly what Voldemort does to Harry

This is Occlumency 101; Snape's teaching Harry the most basic of Occlumency - to compartmentalise, to block someone out, to throw up that shoddy but sturdy-enough wall for Voldemort to come up against, like Draco did to Snape. Harry's anger and emotion is a weakness in this basic Occlumency lesson, where Voldemort is trying to look through Harry and/or trick/provoke him; thus, the wall.

But this probably isn't the kind of Legilimency Voldemort would use on Snape (which is to see if he's lying, if his information is real, if his values are aligned, etc), and it probably isn't the kind of Occlumency Snape was doing in return, to lie or deflect suspicion or ingratiate himself. In fact, throwing up a wall is the opposite of what Snape does with Voldemort; Snape lets him in, lets him stare him down in front of an audience, all the while showing Voldemort what he wants to see. I think as well there's an element of a Legilimens 'grasping' for something, searching, "provoking", like how Snape 'grasped' for Harry's memories of Advanced Potions Making, how Voldemort appears to search Snape at Malfoy Manor - so if all Snape presents is a memory, empty, devoid of any complexity, Voldemort would question it.

In my interpretation, when Occluding, Snape displays a different type of emotional control; Complex Occlumency means you control your emotions, yes, but not block them off - Snape takes his emotions where they need to go, makes them do what they need to do, to support the interpretation he wants Voldemort to reach. He chooses to some extent what Voldemort sees if he lies outright or omits details (a well made wall, basic Occlumency), and chooses how to present it (complex Occlumency). And he does it with subtlety; he doesn't often outright lie, and there's a lot left to interpretation - in both Snape's speech (with Bellatrix) and his actions throughout the books, and presumably his Occlumency.

So I suggest that Snape, in a situation with Voldemort, must be able to "lift up" or "lean into" an alternative emotion for interpretation - the decoration around the wall, the interior design, if you will. For example, Snape couldn't tell Voldemort that he desired Lily, in a total absence of any feelings at all, without it coming across as false and thus easily detectable as a lie. And you know that when a young Snape, who's hardly made a name for himself (Snape's likely never killed, at least, and isn't especially memorable to anyone in Azkaban and is last named by Karkaroff, and other things I won't go into here) outside of overhearing half a prophecy begs for a Mudblood Order member who's the mother of Voldemort's downfall who's thrice defied him to be spared, you can bet that Voldemort will want to thoroughly find out why, so...

To me this suggests that there was a level of desire there that Snape could 'lean into', whether that desire be for Lily or someone else he found desirable to act as a kind of substitute - though given that Legilimency seems to work on mental images and memories at least in part, a memory where he desired Lily would've been useful. And I'm just using that as an example, because Voldemort would also presumably at some stage have interrogated what Snape thought of Dumbledore and Harry, and Snape would've had to lean into feelings of hatred and loathing - which he'd manage just fine for Harry, but Snape would have leant into his feelings after Dumbledore silenced him after nearly getting eaten by a werewolf and again freeing Sirius in PoA, but I digress

When Harry finally learns Occlumency (by his own admission) in the wake of Dobby's death, it's grief that helps him master it - which, for me personally, is not a detached, clear-headed feeling in any sense. It's visceral, emotional, and painful; all-consuming. It's love/grief/loss/strong loving emotion that forces Voldemort out, after he loses Sirius and again when he loses Dobby. But it's a contrast to the emotions Voldemort uses of Harry's to draw Harry out, via his fears for Sirius. But with grief, Harry's dived headfirst into feeling what Voldemort doesn't want to feel (unlike the anger), to keep Voldemort out of his mind. Whereas Snape would do the opposite, and dive right in to the feelings Voldemort would want to sense - to the exclusion of others. Would Voldemort even think to search for Snape's love for Lily, if he was first presented with something more visceral, with more negative connotations, like desire or jealousy, hurt or betrayal? These are the emotions Voldemort thrives on and can exploit, that he's familiar with, that he understands. In the context then of 'grasping' that's how I think Snape leads Voldemort down a path of believing him - by bringing honest 'negative' emotions to the fore that Voldemort understands.

this is really where I think skilled Occlumency differs from dissociation or wall-building. I think Snape would simultaneously have to dampen his 'lie' feelings and to raise the volume on the 'fitting' feelings for his chosen interpretation. My interpretation of this all stems from my experience of writing, of getting lost in music, in using those activities to "wallow" in certain feelings. Snape does not present Voldemort with his true feelings, but they are real feelings. So in that way, I feel Snape was like an artist or writer; he felt deeply, he felt conflictingly, and dived headfirst into those wells of emotion when he needed to - diving so deeply that it cuts off and hides the conflicting evidence. I feel that when I'm writing, when I'm listening to music, when I'm wallowing. And I feel a lot of sympathy for Snape, because it can feel like a real whiplash when you're midway through writing an intense scene or listening to some excellent music that really fills you up with something, it can take you to some dark places, and it's quite shocking somehow when abruptly interrupted - which would be what his life was constantly like after Voldemort's return, leaning into and shying away from/shutting down emotions and memories he didn't necessarily feel whenever he was called, and then having to return to work or meetings in that headspace, where everything feels out of touch and you're in internal turmoil. (Granted, I can snap out of it because the music or the writing is neither here nor there, really, but he'd be doing it with his own life experiences, with his own life on the line, and to repay a debt of guilt - there's a lot more emotional baggage there, and even more once Dumbledore died). And I think it would take its toll in other ways, too, which leads me to Lily...

Far from some people's cries that possessive or obsessive attraction or desire is some huge moral failing, I'd argue that you'll find a level of it in most teenagers and indeed the regular spectrum of human emotion - I know I've certainly experienced feelings of intense jealousy and whatever 'Snaters' (I'm not a massive fan of the term, but as a shorthand) accuse Snape of, whether I acted on it or not. So I'd suggest that Snape 'leant into' that for the sake of being on the receiving end of Voldemort's Legilimency. Whether Snape regularly, or actually, felt those emotions of his own free will or not is hard to say - since there's no actual evidence he did act possessive or jealous beyond the normal teenager level (and that's without addressing the fact that we didn't know how he would've ended the sentence "I won't let you -"). And I'd also go as far as to say that Snape probably, truly, had some awful thoughts (don't we all?) and so he was able to lean into some very dark and gloomy nooks and crannies of his mind, the parts we're told healthy people steer clear of acting on but also undoubtedly experience (jealousy, possession, rage, bitterness) in much the same way as a writer, artist, or musician might, to make his 'lies' and the stories he told more 'truthful' - which was why Voldemort trusted him so much.

TLDR: Snape's a man of many contraditions and very much emotional depth, and he manipulated his own emotions (likely to the detriment of his mental health) for years. But just as I, a fanfic writer, can vicariously experience the bitter resentment for a person who doesn't love me, can imagine a world where he can think those thoughts, embody them, and still not take them on as part of his identity.

anyway i don't have a conclusion, I just had thoughts

[Side note not strictly related to ANY of the above: I find it interesting as well that Voldemort's skill is apparently specifically in working out whether people are lying to him, suggesting that you could specialise even further into different aspects of behaviour. But people do lie to Voldemort (Narcissa, Snape, off the top of my head, but there's no indication of Voldemort using Legilimency on Narcissa in that moment where Harry lives - Voldemort was too elated, once again caught up in his own glory). [side side note: Harry's treatment after his 'death' does make me wonder, briefly, about Snape's own treatment when he returned at the end of GoF - public torture and humiliation, an opportunity for the other DEs to turn on one of their own to 'increase their own standing' in Voldemort's eyes, crucio to weaken Snape's defences, to check that his information and loyalty true? i get the impression that Snape shared his information with Voldemort privately, given that Bellatrix didn't seem to know much about Snape's return, but who's to say there wasn't some 'fun' beforehand, or at other points during his time as spy]

[dramioneasks]

In Silent Obsession by forawhile - E, one-shot - Hermione discovered two things in her first week of Auror training following the war: 1. She was woefully attracted to Draco Malfoy. 2. He wanted nothing to do with her and told her never to speak to him. Five years later, and Hermione Granger took two things very seriously as she navigated her promising Auror career: 1. She remained woefully, painfully, irrevocably attracted to Draco Malfoy. 2. She would not break the vow of silence between them.

In Deafening Anguish by forawhile - E, one-shot - Draco Malfoy was excellent at self-destruction, and so telling Hermione Granger off for speaking to him in their first week of Auror training was rather in-character for him. Too bad it caused a chasm of silence that stretched on for five long years, tormenting him brutally, until he could no longer stand for it. Draco's POV to In Silent Obsession.

[casasupernovas]

i know legilimency according to snape is not simply mind reading but im gonna say it is, and i wanna talk about it.

we know snape can use this. he uses it on harry when he lies to his face about sectumsepra. i think pottermore also confirms he can do it. there's also a throwaway line from the very first book when harry says he feels like snape can read people's minds.

according to the wikia, snape used it when harry was trying to fight him during the 'flight of the prince' which is why he was able to deflect his spells so easily which is so. damn. COOL.

but remember when i said that when snape is talking to voldemort before he dies, his face is described as a death mask? like he already knows he's going to die? what if he could read voldemort's thoughts?

i feel like voldemort is good enough to deter this.

however.

throughout the entire conversation...snape's eyes are constantly said to be flickering towards nagini the whole time.

[wineylibrary]

It always confused me how Voldemort mastered legilimency but Narcissa lied to him and he just believed, she must've had an insane self mind control.

[ouijaboredddd]

Over The Moony

THIS ACCOUNT IS NO LONGER ACTIVE.

Future chapters will be posted to @verbosevirgo

Gemma Loland, a natural-born Legilimens, is a seventh year at Hogwarts. Is her crush on Professor Lupin mutual, or is she simply imagining things?

Set during Prisoner of Azkaban.

**Reader always assumed to be of age**

Warnings: language, angst.

Chapter 1

There was an annual rumor whispered around Hogwarts that the professors snuck firewhisky into their goblets at the Christmas feast. And tonight, judging by Hagrid’s crimson dusted cheeks and Trelawney’s laughter pealing through the uncharacteristically empty Great Hall, I surmised these so-called “rumors” to be anything but.

I picked at the overflowing holiday spread in front of me, feigning interest in whatever the eternally talkative Veronica Krane was on about this time.

Veronica was an odd, eager girl often found trailing behind various Ravenclaw cliques, inserting herself into discussions she was not a part of. None of us had the heart to tell her to sod off, despite the collective agreement that she was dreadfully annoying. Unfortunately for me, once she’d discovered I too was staying at school over Christmas, she leeched right onto me. And while she seemed quite keen at the prospect of spending all this quality time together, she hadn’t stopped nattering since the start of the holiday – it was doing my bloody head in.

“You have to admit, it doesn’t feel quite as Christmassy with the Dementors out there, does it? Gives me the creeps.” Veronica shuddered visibly. “I’m beyond gutted to be missing Christmas at home this year! My parents were married on Christmas Eve; isn’t that romantic? But Mum says she and Dad wanted to spend their 15th anniversary alone this year, without me! Their own daughter! I can’t imagine why!”

I can. I’d been mentally skewering Veronica’s every word for the entirety of this feast; thankfully, she wasn’t any sort of Legilimens.

However, unbeknownst to her and the whole of Hogwarts, I was.

My late mother, a wonderfully skilled Legilimens, unintentionally passed her gift down to me when I was born. From the time I could speak, she educated me on how to rein in my gift, reminding me that invading the private thoughts of others would not make me many friends. So as she taught me, I held tight onto my Legilimency in secret. I hardly ever used it, save for a handful of times in my life.

Veronica sighed, still carrying on conversation with herself. “No matter! At least I have you here with me! I know you must understand how I’m feeling right now, being forced to stay at school over Christmas!”

“Yes, I really do.” I offered apathetically, nodding.

I really didn’t. Despite the tale I’d concocted for my nosy classmates, my father was not on a work trip in Barcelona, and his apparently busy job did not make it “impossible to spend Christmas with him”.

My father was actually a bit of a recluse who loathed leaving home, let alone travelling. In reality, dear old dad would be hosting Christmas for Aunt Liesel and my bratty cousins around the tattered fireplace of my childhood home. For the first time in my life, I’d lied to my sweet father. I dreamt up an elaborate story about desiring to “spend my seventh and final Hogwarts Christmas in the castle with my friends.”

I almost felt guilty about it… Almost.

Truthfully, my desire to remain at Hogwarts had nothing to do with my father, and everything to do with my unhealthy infatuation with my Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin.

From the first day of term, a quiet attraction toward him blossomed within me; I was immediately smitten by his intelligent wit and unique handsomeness. I began lingering after lessons under the guise of having questions regarding assignments, and by November, our conversations morphed to include friendly small talk. I always struggled to concentrate whenever he was teaching, particularly once he started appearing in my dreams every night. Our after-class exchanges helped none, growing longer and more playful each time.

In the beginning, I simply regarded myself as another pitiful student mad about her professor; it was a tale as old as time. Though, as the term passed, I occasionally noticed more intriguing behavior on his part…

For instance, when he would crack a joke during a lesson, I swore I’d catch him shooting a glance in my direction. In fact, I sometimes sensed his eyes on me whenever I was talking with friends or scribbling on parchment. It was the most bizarre, exhilarating feeling, but one that I questioned often.

I must have been imagining things; there was no way he had any interest in me…right? He’s my professor, for fuck’s sake.

And yet, this only made me desire him more.

……

Mere weeks before Christmas, the first snow of winter settled delicately upon the turrets of the castle. Professor Lupin excused our seventh-year class, wishing us all a pleasant weekend. He stood coolly behind his desk, exchanging goodbyes with the students shuffling out the door.

I packed my bookbag at a painstakingly slow pace, wishing my classmates would hurry their arses up and leave us alone. I mentioned to my friend Charlotte that she need not wait for me, as I required help with our upcoming essay. She rolled her eyes knowingly; she frequently insisted I must fancy Lupin— a claim I always denied.

But of course, she was right. I pathetically yearned for another private conversation with him.

As the final stragglers trickled out, I approached the front of the classroom, buzzing with nervous anticipation.

A fond smirk formed in the corner of his mouth. A smirk that instantly weakened my false confidence. “Ah. Miss Loland.”

I stopped at his desk, feigning composure. “Professor.”

“Come to pick my brain once more?”

“I fear I have.” I coyly answered, beaming through my gently flushed cheeks. I retrieved my paper from my bag, handing it to him. “I had hoped you could read over the first draft of my essay. I apologize; it’s a bit rough.”

Lupin reached for the parchment, sending me an incredulous look. “…Miss Loland. This assignment is not due for several weeks — not until well after the holiday break.”

“I suppose I simply wanted to get a head start…” I replied sheepishly.

He scanned my paper with a soft chuckle. “I must admit, I am always quite impressed with your work ethic.”

I nearly blushed at the compliment. “Thank you, sir.”

Honestly, I had never been more than an average student until this school year began. Funny how being wildly attracted to your professor can do wonders for your study habits.

Lupin set it on his desk and tapped it with his large hand. I tried not to stare at his thick fingers too obviously.

“Well, I will give this a good read over the weekend and hand it back to you on Monday. With very few corrections, I am sure.”

I fiddled with the strap of my bag, smiling. “I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course. But, only on one condition...” He began circling around the desk, his hands finding their place in his pockets.

I begged my increasingly pounding heart to stay quiet. “Yes?”

“Take a break over the holiday. Dare I say, have a bit of fun?”

Leaning back against his desk, he folded his arms with a grin. His subtle cologne greeted me, killing me ever-so-softly.

I giggled shyly. “I shall try. Unfortunately, my young cousins visit for Christmas. It can be slightly chaotic.”

“On the contrary. Sounds like quite an enjoyable time,” he interjected teasingly.

“Yes, loads. I’ll be sure to schedule a bit of fun, right between the screaming tantrums.”

Lupin laughed graciously. “You know, you joke, but I would love to spend Christmas with my family this year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, sir.”

“Please, no harm done.” His arms extended to either side of him, supporting his stance as he leaned back on the desk. “Actually, Professor McGonagall asked if I would mind terribly to remain at Hogwarts this Christmas. And I fear that even now as a colleague, I still do not bear the strength to disappoint her.

“I see.” I looked down at my dainty oxfords, unaware of how to respond. “…The castle is quite beautiful for Christmas. I’m sure it will be lovely.”

Lupin smirked skeptically. “Undoubtedly.”

He paused, weakly shaking his head. “I must say, while I am doomed to my lonely holiday, I am well chuffed to have a quiet moment with my Christmas tea.”

I gulped at the prospect of Lupin up in his quarters, the castle virtually empty…

“I just hate to imagine you alone on Christmas.” I offered concernedly, immediately regretting it. Could I be any more fucking obvious?

He appeared to fight off a smile. “Oh, come now. You need not worry about me; I’m rather accustomed to spending time on my own.”

I nodded, praying he didn’t notice the pink infecting my pathetic face.

“Of course,” he murmured, “I would not mind having some company.” “Perhaps you will? I imagine Professor Snape would be delighted.” My impish confidence was a well-rehearsed act, an armor I donned to mask my secret desire for him.

Lupin tittered inwardly, folding his arms once again. “A wonderful idea. I’ll be sure to extend an invitation.”

I bit my lip, silently screaming at the simple ecstasy of him laughing at my joke. “Well, I look forward to hearing about it.”

“Certainly,” he said, “you shall be the first person I tell.”

……

So there I was, happily stranded at Hogwarts for Christmas after crafting the perfect lie, hoping for an opportunity to get Remus Lupin truly alone.

That encounter in the classroom endlessly haunted me for the three weeks that followed. I lied awake in bed, meticulously peeling apart every word, every glance... I desperately wondered if our connection only existed within my mind.

Each interaction with him tempted me slightly more than the last, begging me to employ my Legilimency. While I knew better than to exploit my gift in that way… I feared I may no longer bear the strength to resist.

I would only need a second—just a momentary glimpse into his head—and he’d be none the wiser! I knew I could slip in completely undetected; nobody had ever sensed my glimpses before.

But, the real question was... did I dare?

As Veronica continued to blabber on, I subtly peeked at Lupin again. He was standing now, next to where Trelawney still sat. He chuckled with her, seemingly enjoying his ongoing conversation more than I was enjoying mine. His mustache twitched into the most adorable grin… how I longed to feel it graze along my neck, brushing against my ear, whispering filthy words…

In a beautiful instant, his gaze collided with mine, and an intense thrum echoed throughout my entire body. He furrowed his brows at me while still wearing his grin, signifying his surprise to see me. I returned the smile, then casually turned back to Veronica as if I was not internally squealing at his acknowledgment

She must have noticed, because she quickly abandoned whatever she had been previously yapping about.

“Do you like him?”

Those words hit me like a bludger to the gut.

“Who?” I plainly responded, feigning nonchalance.

“Professor Lupin.” She commented, peering at the High Table. “He’s my favorite professor in the whole school.”

I watched her size him up, fighting to swallow my jealousy. “…Yeah, I guess. His lessons are always interesting.”

“He’s quite fit, too. Don’t you think?” She scrunched her splotchy nose, giggling.

I suddenly wished to reach across the jolly stacks of mince pie between us and gouge out her stupid eyes. I cleared my throat to disguise my growing rage.

“Uhm, I suppose. I’ve never really thought about it.”

Veronica shrugged, taking a bite of trifle. After a few seconds of silence, she burst out again. “So! Are you still dating that bloke Callum?”

She was referring to my extremely toxic, on-again off-again relationship with Callum Dorsey, a Slytherin tosser intent on ruining my life since fourth year. I hadn’t spoken to him since August, when we broke up for the third and (hopefully final) time.

I scoffed, secretly relieved the topic was changing. “Goodness, no. That’s ancient history.”

Her annoying lips tugged up, intrigued by fresh gossip. “Oh! I wondered why I hadn’t seen you two together recently! ‘Splains a lot. Y’know, he looks a bit like Finbar Quigley! Don’t you think?”

I could scarcely focus on Veronica’s blabbering as I realized Lupin was bidding farewell to the other professors, departing for the night. With that, my heartbeat stumbled excitedly over itself. “W-Wait. Who?”

“Finbar Quigley! The beater from the Ballycastle Bats, silly!”

“Oh, I don’t know.” I quietly adjusted my skirt under the table, hoping she wouldn’t notice. Thankfully, she was already launching into another one of her classic Veronica tangents.

I noticed Lupin stepping down from the High Table just within the edge of my vision. I desperately craved some contact with him; even bidding him goodnight would temporarily satisfy that. A handful of students tossed Christmas greetings his way as he strode past, and he politely returned the response.

I instantaneously feigned great interest in Veronica’s never-ending tales. I even tossed in a laugh or two, aware of the fact that I was now in Lupin’s line of sight. I was not even sure what she was even on about now, but I engaged, regardless.

“—so I think he’s definitely the fittest chaser Ireland has ever had!”

“I don’t know about that.” I pretended not to detect Lupin approaching, attempting a secretive, calming breath. Relax.

“Well then, who would you say—” Veronica’s attention was caught by his presence at my immediate left. “Oh, Merry Christmas, Professor!”

“Merry Christmas, Miss Krane. Miss Loland.” Lupin’s normally professional tone carried a calm, more casual manner. I presumed the alleged fire whiskey to be responsible.

I turned my gaze to him, grinning ever-so-slightly. “Merry Christmas, Professor.”

As soon as his eyes met mine, a flight of butterflies erupted within me. He stood, hands shoved in pockets, in a slightly worn, all-black ensemble I’d never seen him wear. His hair haphazardly brushed across his forehead, as if he had rustled his hands through it after the buzz of firewhisky overcame him. He looked unbelievably sexy.

“I hadn’t expected to see you here. What happened to Christmas surrounded by cousins?” He remembered!!!

“Change of plans. My father got called to Barcelona for business.”

“Over Christmas? What awful timing.”

“It’s alright. At least Veronica is here too...” I gestured in her direction.

Lupin nodded, seemingly battling a laugh. “I see that. How lovely.” He was well aware of how unbearably irritating Veronica could be—constantly interrupting his lectures with a tedious anecdote every few minutes. Most professors asked her to save her remarks until the end, but kind-hearted Lupin often humored her.

“My parents are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary! They wanted to spend Christmas just the two of them!” She chirped in response, obviously thrilled to have his attention. “I really wanted to be home for Christmas. But I sure am glad to have a friend here!”

He and I shared a knowing glance. “Ah, lucky you. Miss Loland is quite good company.”

Was he...flirting with me? No, I must be doing it again: misinterpreting his blinding charm as flirtation.

“Speaking of company! You must be looking forward to tea with Professor Snape tonight.” I quipped, playfully.

Lupin chuckled, hands still in pockets. “Alas, he will not be attending. It will just be me and my tea this evening.”

“What a shame! I’m sure the two of you would’ve had a merry old time.”

I adored sharing this private joke with him, as envious confusion practically seeped out of Veronica’s pores.

“Certainly.” he agreed, albeit sarcastically. Lupin suddenly noticed the library book I’d strategically placed next to me on the table (in hopes of catching his attention, of course).

“…Now, wait a moment. Surely, you haven’t spent Christmas with your nose buried in that book.”

I smiled. “Surely not. I finished it earlier.”

He quirked a brow. “If I remember correctly, you were going to try and take a breather from your schoolwork over holiday?”

“…I don’t recall.” I responded, smirking.

He snickered. “Tell me, Veronica, has she been reading all day?”

Veronica blinked through her bewilderment, glittering at the opportunity to rejoin the conversation. “Yes, a bit.”

She wasn’t wrong. I spent most of my Christmas draped on a plush couch in the Ravenclaw common room, engulfed in the pages of Women of Phyllomancy. And while Phyllomancy had always fascinated me, I’d really only been reading to avoid Veronica.

Lupin shook his head teasingly. “Would it truly be the end of the world to have a bit of fun?”

“It may. There’s little fun worth having around here.”

“Oh, come now. That can’t be true.”

Veronica leapt into action, interjecting at once. “Really? I find there’s so much to do around the castle! You don’t even enjoy watching Quidditch?”

Her incessant chatter barely registered. The air between Lupin and me crackled, every glance and line of banter charged with palpable tension.

“-- I quite enjoy Gobstones Club! We have loads of fun! Shall I ask Fenwick if you could join? I can, if you want!”

An unrelenting current of confidence washed over me. Before I could reconsider, words toppled out of my mouth.

“No, the only things I want are off limits.” I said coyly, my eyes locked on his.

Oh fuck! Did I really just say that?!

Lupin sharply cleared his throat, almost as though my statement knocked the breath clear out of him. Holy...hell. Had I flustered him?!

Thankfully, Veronica, socially inept as ever, remained blissfully unaware of the gravity of the situation.

“Off limits? Like the restricted section of the library?”

“No, not quite,” I answered cooly, ever the performer around Lupin. I felt insurmountable nerves bubbling just beneath the surface of my poised façade.

Lupin averted his gaze to his now shuffling feet. “I hadn’t presumed you to be the rule-breaking type.”

My pulse flickered down to my fingertips; under the table, I twisted my hands into my skirt. “Perhaps I’m just that good at it, that no one has any idea?”

Quiet amusement played at the corners of his perfect mouth. “Well, in that case, ladies, try not to get into too much trouble tonight.”

“No, no! Not to worry!” Veronica squawked, chortling.

On any other day, I’d be plotting to seal her oversized mouth with a Silencing Charm, but as his glance carried from Veronica to me, I was too busy melting.

"Especially you, Ms. Loland." He muttered, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

“No promises, sir.” I spoke just above a whisper. My stare lingered on his as he finally turned to leave.

Once he was out of earshot, Veronica nearly ruptured. “Come on, Gemma! You don’t even find him a bit attractive?”

Silent exhilaration pierced through my bones; my second skin of perfect composure was beginning to splinter.

“He’s...alright, I suppose?"

While Veronica ogled him over my shoulder, I resisted taking one final look as he exited the Great Hall behind me.

“You must be mental! He is too perfect!” She whined, sighing dreamily.

For once, I agreed with Veronica.

As she spiraled off into a speech about who the fuck cares, I reveled in the most untouchable high.

Everything had suddenly changed. The persisting questions, constantly and endlessly swirling in my head, had finally ceased.

Only one thought remained, echoing through me with complete and utter certainty —

My night would end in his room.

After all, I’d already told him: I was more than willing to break the rules.

[verbosevirgo]

Over the Moony

Reposted from my old blog.

*This is now my main account.*

Gemma Loland, a natural-born Legilimens, is in her seventh and final year at Hogwarts. To her dismay, she finds herself desperately longing for her Professor, Remus Lupin. Is she completely batshit, or... is the feeling mutual?

Set during Prisoner of Azkaban. Loosely follows canon events.

Warnings: language, angst. Reader always assumed to be of age.

Chapter 1

There was an annual rumor whispered around Hogwarts that the professors snuck firewhisky into their goblets at the Christmas feast. And tonight, judging by Hagrid’s crimson dusted cheeks and Trelawney’s laughter pealing through the uncharacteristically empty Great Hall, I surmised these so-called “rumors” to be anything but.

I picked at the overflowing holiday spread in front of me, feigning interest in whatever the eternally talkative Veronica Krane was on about this time.

Veronica was an odd, eager girl often found trailing behind various Ravenclaw cliques, inserting herself into discussions she was not a part of. None of us had the heart to tell her to sod off, despite the collective agreement that she was dreadfully annoying. Unfortunately for me, once she’d discovered I too was staying at school over Christmas, she leeched right onto me. And while she seemed quite keen at the prospect of spending all this quality time together, she hadn’t stopped nattering since the start of the holiday – it was doing my bloody head in.

“You have to admit, it doesn’t feel quite as Christmassy with the Dementors out there, does it? Gives me the creeps.” Veronica shuddered visibly. “I’m beyond gutted to be missing Christmas at home this year! My parents were married on Christmas Eve; isn’t that romantic? But Mum says she and Dad wanted to spend their 15th anniversary alone this year, without me! Their own daughter! I can’t imagine why!”

I can. I’d been mentally skewering Veronica’s every word for the entirety of this feast; thankfully, she wasn’t any sort of Legilimens.

However, unbeknownst to her and the whole of Hogwarts, I was.

My late mother, a wonderfully skilled Legilimens, unintentionally passed her gift down to me when I was born. From the time I could speak, she educated me on how to rein in my gift, reminding me that invading the private thoughts of others would not make me many friends. So as she taught me, I held tight onto my Legilimency in secret. I hardly ever used it, save for a handful of times in my life.

Veronica sighed, still carrying on conversation with herself. “No matter! At least I have you here with me! I know you must understand how I’m feeling right now, being forced to stay at school over Christmas!”

“Yes, I really do.” I offered apathetically, nodding.

I really didn’t. Despite the tale I’d concocted for my nosy classmates, my father was not on a work trip in Barcelona, and his apparently busy job did not make it “impossible to spend Christmas with him”.

My father was actually a bit of a recluse who loathed leaving home, let alone travelling. In reality, dear old dad would be hosting Christmas for Aunt Liesel and my bratty cousins around the tattered fireplace of my childhood home. For the first time in my life, I’d lied to my sweet father. I dreamt up an elaborate story about desiring to “spend my seventh and final Hogwarts Christmas in the castle with my friends.”

I almost felt guilty about it… Almost.

Truthfully, my desire to remain at Hogwarts had nothing to do with my father, and everything to do with my unhealthy infatuation with my Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin.

From the first day of term, a quiet attraction toward him blossomed within me; I was immediately smitten by his intelligent wit and unique handsomeness. I began lingering after lessons under the guise of having questions regarding assignments, and by November, our conversations morphed to include friendly small talk. I always struggled to concentrate whenever he was teaching, particularly once he started appearing in my dreams every night. Our after-class exchanges helped none, growing longer and more playful each time.

In the beginning, I simply regarded myself as another pitiful student mad about her professor; it was a tale as old as time. Though, as the term passed, I occasionally noticed more intriguing behavior on his part…

For instance, when he would crack a joke during a lesson, I swore I’d catch him shooting a glance in my direction. In fact, I sometimes sensed his eyes on me whenever I was talking with friends or scribbling on parchment. It was the most bizarre, exhilarating feeling, but one that I questioned often.

I must have been imagining things; there was no way he had any interest in me…right? He’s my professor, for fuck’s sake.

And yet, this only made me desire him more.

……

Mere weeks before Christmas, the first snow of winter settled delicately upon the turrets of the castle. Professor Lupin excused our seventh-year class, wishing us all a pleasant weekend. He stood coolly behind his desk, exchanging goodbyes with the students shuffling out the door.

I packed my bookbag at a painstakingly slow pace, wishing my classmates would hurry their arses up and leave us alone. I mentioned to my friend Charlotte that she need not wait for me, as I required help with our upcoming essay. She rolled her eyes knowingly; she frequently insisted I must fancy Lupin— a claim I always denied.

But of course, she was right. I pathetically yearned for another private conversation with him.

As the final stragglers trickled out, I approached the front of the classroom, buzzing with nervous anticipation.

A fond smirk formed in the corner of his mouth. A smirk that instantly weakened my false confidence. “Ah. Miss Loland.”

I stopped at his desk, feigning composure. “Professor.”

“Come to pick my brain once more?”

“I fear I have.” I coyly answered, beaming through my gently flushed cheeks. I retrieved my paper from my bag, handing it to him. “I had hoped you could read over the first draft of my essay. I apologize; it’s a bit rough.”

Lupin reached for the parchment, sending me an incredulous look. “…Miss Loland. This assignment is not due for several weeks — not until well after the holiday break.”

“I suppose I simply wanted to get a head start…” I replied sheepishly.

He scanned my paper with a soft chuckle. “I must admit, I am always quite impressed with your work ethic.”

I nearly blushed at the compliment. “Thank you, sir.”

Honestly, I had never been more than an average student until this school year began. Funny how being wildly attracted to your professor can do wonders for your study habits.

Lupin set it on his desk and tapped it with his large hand. I tried not to stare at his thick fingers too obviously.

“Well, I will give this a good read over the weekend and hand it back to you on Monday. With very few corrections, I am sure.”

I fiddled with the strap of my bag, smiling. “I’d really appreciate it.”

“Of course. But, only on one condition...” He began circling around the desk, his hands finding their place in his pockets.

I begged my increasingly pounding heart to stay quiet. “Yes?”

“Take a break over the holiday. Dare I say, have a bit of fun?”

Leaning back against his desk, he folded his arms with a grin. His subtle cologne greeted me, killing me ever-so-softly.

I giggled shyly. “I shall try. Unfortunately, my young cousins visit for Christmas. It can be slightly chaotic.”

“On the contrary. Sounds like quite an enjoyable time,” he interjected teasingly.

“Yes, loads. I’ll be sure to schedule a bit of fun, right between the screaming tantrums.”

Lupin laughed graciously. “You know, you joke, but I would love to spend Christmas with my family this year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, sir.”

“Please, no harm done.” His arms extended to either side of him, supporting his stance as he leaned back on the desk. “Actually, Professor McGonagall asked if I would mind terribly to remain at Hogwarts this Christmas. And I fear that even now as a colleague, I still do not bear the strength to disappoint her.

“I see.” I looked down at my dainty oxfords, unaware of how to respond. “…The castle is quite beautiful for Christmas. I’m sure it will be lovely.”

Lupin smirked skeptically. “Undoubtedly.”

He paused, weakly shaking his head. “I must say, while I am doomed to my lonely holiday, I am well chuffed to have a quiet moment with my Christmas tea.”

I gulped at the prospect of Lupin up in his quarters, the castle virtually empty…

“I just hate to imagine you alone on Christmas.” I offered concernedly, immediately regretting it. Could I be any more fucking obvious?

He appeared to fight off a smile. “Oh, come now. You need not worry about me; I’m rather accustomed to spending time on my own.”

I nodded, praying he didn’t notice the pink infecting my pathetic face.

“Of course,” he murmured, “I would not mind having some company.” “Perhaps you will? I imagine Professor Snape would be delighted.” My impish confidence was a well-rehearsed act, an armor I donned to mask my secret desire for him.

Lupin tittered inwardly, folding his arms once again. “A wonderful idea. I’ll be sure to extend an invitation.”

I bit my lip, silently screaming at the simple ecstasy of him laughing at my joke. “Well, I look forward to hearing about it.”

“Certainly,” he said, “you shall be the first person I tell.”

……

So there I was, happily stranded at Hogwarts for Christmas after crafting the perfect lie, hoping for an opportunity to get Remus Lupin truly alone.

That encounter in the classroom endlessly haunted me for the three weeks that followed. I lied awake in bed, meticulously peeling apart every word, every glance... I desperately wondered if our connection only existed within my mind.

Each interaction with him tempted me slightly more than the last, begging me to employ my Legilimency. While I knew better than to exploit my gift in that way… I feared I may no longer bear the strength to resist.

I would only need a second—just a momentary glimpse into his head—and he’d be none the wiser! I knew I could slip in completely undetected; nobody had ever sensed my glimpses before.

But, the real question was... did I dare?

As Veronica continued to blabber on, I subtly peeked at Lupin again. He was standing now, next to where Trelawney still sat. He chuckled with her, seemingly enjoying his ongoing conversation more than I was enjoying mine. His mustache twitched into the most adorable grin… how I longed to feel it graze along my neck, brushing against my ear, whispering filthy words…

In a beautiful instant, his gaze collided with mine, and an intense thrum echoed throughout my entire body. He furrowed his brows at me while still wearing his grin, signifying his surprise to see me. I returned the smile, then casually turned back to Veronica as if I was not internally squealing at his acknowledgment

She must have noticed, because she quickly abandoned whatever she had been previously yapping about.

“Do you like him?”

Those words hit me like a bludger to the gut.

“Who?” I plainly responded, feigning nonchalance.

“Professor Lupin.” She commented, peering at the High Table. “He’s my favorite professor in the whole school.”

I watched her size him up, fighting to swallow my jealousy. “…Yeah, I guess. His lessons are always interesting.”

“He’s quite fit, too. Don’t you think?” She scrunched her splotchy nose, giggling.

I suddenly wished to reach across the jolly stacks of mince pie between us and gouge out her stupid eyes. I cleared my throat to disguise my growing rage.

“Uhm, I suppose. I’ve never really thought about it.”

Veronica shrugged, taking a bite of trifle. After a few seconds of silence, she burst out again. “So! Are you still dating that bloke Callum?”

She was referring to my extremely toxic, on-again off-again relationship with Callum Dorsey, a Slytherin tosser intent on ruining my life since fourth year. I hadn’t spoken to him since August, when we broke up for the third and (hopefully final) time.

I scoffed, secretly relieved the topic was changing. “Goodness, no. That’s ancient history.”

Her annoying lips tugged up, intrigued by fresh gossip. “Oh! I wondered why I hadn’t seen you two together recently! ‘Splains a lot. Y’know, he looks a bit like Finbar Quigley! Don’t you think?”

I could scarcely focus on Veronica’s blabbering as I realized Lupin was bidding farewell to the other professors, departing for the night. With that, my heartbeat stumbled excitedly over itself. “W-Wait. Who?”

“Finbar Quigley! The beater from the Ballycastle Bats, silly!”

“Oh, I don’t know.” I quietly adjusted my skirt under the table, hoping she wouldn’t notice. Thankfully, she was already launching into another one of her classic Veronica tangents.

I noticed Lupin stepping down from the High Table just within the edge of my vision. I desperately craved some contact with him; even bidding him goodnight would temporarily satisfy that. A handful of students tossed Christmas greetings his way as he strode past, and he politely returned the response.

I instantaneously feigned great interest in Veronica’s never-ending tales. I even tossed in a laugh or two, aware of the fact that I was now in Lupin’s line of sight. I was not even sure what she was even on about now, but I engaged, regardless.

“—so I think he’s definitely the fittest chaser Ireland has ever had!”

“I don’t know about that.” I pretended not to detect Lupin approaching, attempting a secretive, calming breath. Relax.

“Well then, who would you say—” Veronica’s attention was caught by his presence at my immediate left. “Oh, Merry Christmas, Professor!”

“Merry Christmas, Miss Krane. Miss Loland.” Lupin’s normally professional tone carried a calm, more casual manner. I presumed the alleged fire whiskey to be responsible.

I turned my gaze to him, grinning ever-so-slightly. “Merry Christmas, Professor.”

As soon as his eyes met mine, a flight of butterflies erupted within me. He stood, hands shoved in pockets, in a slightly worn, all-black ensemble I’d never seen him wear. His hair haphazardly brushed across his forehead, as if he had rustled his hands through it after the buzz of firewhisky overcame him. He looked unbelievably sexy.

“I hadn’t expected to see you here. What happened to Christmas surrounded by cousins?” He remembered!!!

“Change of plans. My father got called to Barcelona for business.”

“Over Christmas? What awful timing.”

“It’s alright. At least Veronica is here too...” I gestured in her direction.

Lupin nodded, seemingly battling a laugh. “I see that. How lovely.” He was well aware of how unbearably irritating Veronica could be—constantly interrupting his lectures with a tedious anecdote every few minutes. Most professors asked her to save her remarks until the end, but kind-hearted Lupin often humored her.

“My parents are celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary! They wanted to spend Christmas just the two of them!” She chirped in response, obviously thrilled to have his attention. “I really wanted to be home for Christmas. But I sure am glad to have a friend here!”

He and I shared a knowing glance. “Ah, lucky you. Miss Loland is quite good company.”

Was he...flirting with me? No, I must be doing it again: misinterpreting his blinding charm as flirtation.

“Speaking of company! You must be looking forward to tea with Professor Snape tonight.” I quipped, playfully.

Lupin chuckled, hands still in pockets. “Alas, he will not be attending. It will just be me and my tea this evening.”

“What a shame! I’m sure the two of you would’ve had a merry old time.”

I adored sharing this private joke with him, as envious confusion practically seeped out of Veronica’s pores.

“Certainly.” he agreed, albeit sarcastically. Lupin suddenly noticed the library book I’d strategically placed next to me on the table (in hopes of catching his attention, of course).

“…Now, wait a moment. Surely, you haven’t spent Christmas with your nose buried in that book.”

I smiled. “Surely not. I finished it earlier.”

He quirked a brow. “If I remember correctly, you were going to try and take a breather from your schoolwork over holiday?”

“…I don’t recall.” I responded, smirking.

He snickered. “Tell me, Veronica, has she been reading all day?”

Veronica blinked through her bewilderment, glittering at the opportunity to rejoin the conversation. “Yes, a bit.”

She wasn’t wrong. I spent most of my Christmas draped on a plush couch in the Ravenclaw common room, engulfed in the pages of Women of Phyllomancy. And while Phyllomancy had always fascinated me, I’d really only been reading to avoid Veronica.

Lupin shook his head teasingly. “Would it truly be the end of the world to have a bit of fun?”

“It may. There’s little fun worth having around here.”

“Oh, come now. That can’t be true.”

Veronica leapt into action, interjecting at once. “Really? I find there’s so much to do around the castle! You don’t even enjoy watching Quidditch?”

Her incessant chatter barely registered. The air between Lupin and me crackled, every glance and line of banter charged with palpable tension.

“-- I quite enjoy Gobstones Club! We have loads of fun! Shall I ask Fenwick if you could join? I can, if you want!”

An unrelenting current of confidence washed over me. Before I could reconsider, words toppled out of my mouth.

“No, the only things I want are off limits.” I said coyly, my eyes locked on his.

Oh fuck! Did I really just say that?!

Lupin sharply cleared his throat, almost as though my statement knocked the breath clear out of him. Holy...hell. Had I flustered him?!

Thankfully, Veronica, socially inept as ever, remained blissfully unaware of the gravity of the situation.

“Off limits? Like the restricted section of the library?”

“No, not quite,” I answered cooly, ever the performer around Lupin. I felt insurmountable nerves bubbling just beneath the surface of my poised façade.

Lupin averted his gaze to his now shuffling feet. “I hadn’t presumed you to be the rule-breaking type.”

My pulse flickered down to my fingertips; under the table, I twisted my hands into my skirt. “Perhaps I’m just that good at it, that no one has any idea?”

Quiet amusement played at the corners of his perfect mouth. “Well, in that case, ladies, try not to get into too much trouble tonight.”

“No, no! Not to worry!” Veronica squawked, chortling.

On any other day, I’d be plotting to seal her oversized mouth with a Silencing Charm, but as his glance carried from Veronica to me, I was too busy melting.

"Especially you, Ms. Loland." He muttered, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

“No promises, sir.” I spoke just above a whisper. My stare lingered on his as he finally turned to leave.

Once he was out of earshot, Veronica nearly ruptured. “Come on, Gemma! You don’t even find him a bit attractive?”

Silent exhilaration pierced through my bones; my second skin of perfect composure was beginning to splinter.

“He’s...alright, I suppose?"

While Veronica ogled him over my shoulder, I resisted taking one final look as he exited the Great Hall behind me.

“You must be mental! He is too perfect!” She whined, sighing dreamily.

For once, I actually agreed with Veronica.

As she spiraled off into a speech about who the fuck cares, I reveled in the most untouchable high.

Everything had suddenly changed. The persisting questions, constantly and endlessly swirling in my head, had finally ceased.

Only one thought remained, echoing through me with complete and utter certainty —

My night would end in his room.

After all, I’d already told him: I was more than willing to break the rules.

[sctumsempra]

“the cold black eyes were boring once more. close your mind. . . close your mind. . .”

or

eldritch-esque legilimens severus snape

[lulublack90]

Prompt 25 - Wizard

@wolfstarmicrofic September 25, word count 374

Previous part First Wolfstar part

Sirius walked up to Peter, and with Remus squeezing his hand, he made eye contact. He saw everything. The moment Peter first met Voldemort, and made a vow to him to spy on the order in return for protection after the war. He saw all the information Peter divulged in his meetings. Good people had died because of what Peter had shared with his precious master. The only thing stopping Sirius from surging forward and ripping Peters's throat out was Remus’s hand, grounding him, holding him back.

Regulus stood beside Peter with a collection of vials, and as Sirius forced each memory out, he caught the silvery liquid with the tip of his wand and deposited them into a vial to be used in a Pensieve at a later date. Sirius sped through Peters spying, picking out vital memories here and there before he paused on a meeting at Malfoy Manor. 

They were gathered in the grand dining room, the one reserved for large family events. Each of the thirty chairs was filled with a death eater. Peter stood in the corner, his head hooded and masked so no one could identify him. Sirius looked along the line of death eaters and could name every witch and wizard sitting there. 

“This one is important. It’s a meeting of a large group at Malfoy Manor,” He said as the memory slid from Peter's eye.

“I’ll take it to James’s to view and see if I can add any more names to the list,” Regulus said as he stoppered and sealed the vial, magically writing a label on it.  

When he came to the end of the memories, he pulled back out. He was exhausted. Prolonged use of Legilimency left the caster fatigued, and as Sirius hadn’t performed that bit of magic for years, he was very out of practice. Remus caught him as his legs gave out. 

“You did wonderfully, sweetheart. Let’s get you back to the tent to rest,” Remus said gently, gathering Sirius into his arms effortlessly. “Can you three keep watch between you for a bit?” 

“Sure, you take care of Pads, we’ve got Pettigrew,” James assured them, and that was the last Sirius heard as he fell asleep against Remus’s chest.  

Next part

[capriddle]

Headcanon. Voldemort showed Bellatrix his best during the Legilimency lessons to impress her.

[jennamalfoysmanor]

Haven’t posted here since 2019 but I thought I’d hop on to promote my first ever Dramione WIP In Memory of Hermione Granger.

Please mind the tags Xx

In a post-war world where the illicit trade of Pensieve memories has become a booming underground market, Hermione Granger is an Auror tasked with shutting down these illegal operations.

Her mission brings her face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, a former Death Eater whose family's fortune was decimated, leaving him to resort to selling stolen memories to survive.

As the lines between duty and desire blur, Hermione must decide if she can trust Draco, knowing that if she makes the wrong decision, it could cost her everything.

[autumnweeen]

⚠️TW: MCD⚠️

Dramione Month | Day 6 | Legilimens

[draqo-pctter]

to save an empire; a dramione royalty au

chapter fifteen; cold, cold heart

Time slowed as it usually did when he stared at her, the band and jovial laughter fading away until the only thing Hermione could see was Draco’s eyes. They were blank then. Not cold – empty. A thick, neverending sheet of arctic snow where angry glaciers had once been. Somehow, that was worse.

“Don’t we want him to think we’re–” I can’t promise you happiness. “–getting along?”

He studied her carefully, his eyes scanning every inch of her face for things she knew he could find if he so chose. She didn't know what it was like to have someone slip into her mind, but Hermione had always assumed it might hurt.

“Is that what we’re doing?” Draco asked. “Getting along?”

“We could be,” Hermione countered, leaning toward him almost instinctually. It wasn’t lost on her that he didn’t pull away. “If you’d let us.”

rated e, explicit

wip; chapters 15/34

tags; nsfw, queen hermione, prince consort draco, rivals to lovers, marriage of convenience, assassination plots, legilimens draco

updates every tuesday! / click here to read on ao3

[weirdraccoon]

Tom *practicing legilimency, looks at Ominis*

Ominis' mind: *all five of them sharing a picnic*

Tom: Cute. *Looks at Sebastian*

Sebastian's mind: *some obscure dark ritual to bring back the death*

Tom: Hm. Interesting. *Looks at MC*

MC's mind: *murder spree- holding a pillow over Ominis' face, stabbing Sebastian with a butter knife, and transfiguring Tom into a teddy bear for her graphorn to play with*

Tom *stunned*: What the- *looks back at Ominis*

Ominis: I know what you're doing. I'd stop it if you didn't want to get traumatized.

Tom *whispering*: I am. Why do we live with these psychopaths?

Ominis *chuckling*: Oh please as if you hadn't fantasize about murdering us before. Besides, do you really think that picnic is my real thinking process? Should've dig deeper, son, now you'll only find a wall.

Tom: I don't want to practice anymore. I'm going to Harry's.

[jacobscursebreakerlilsis]

MC out here practicing legilimency in public for everyone to see💀

They can be really dumb sometimes🤦🏻‍♀️