#Listen to Yourself

[mish-mash-marsh]

Why is it, that whenever I ask someone what attraction feels like, they start listing off the symptoms of a panic attack?

stomach ache/nausea

sweatiness

racing heartbeat

irrational thinking

trouble sleeping

etc

buddy, whatever wonky sickness you've got... i don't want it, thanks /j

[f-misc]

How do you feel about Christmas cracker jokes? Greg: You'd expect me to say they're awful, or be angry about them. But I quite like going through the motions and the family reading them out! Alex: I like the challenge of making them funny. I'm going to say something slightly arrogant: I will back myself in a family situation, even with a bad joke, to make it funny. I reckon comedians can still deliver it. I'll do it, whatever it takes.

Alex, you write the jokes for the Taskmaster Christmas crackers. What's the secret? Alex: You just write something that is really stupid and gets a groan. A groan is your friend. It's things like, which actor quenches your thirst the most? Leonardo DiCapri Sun. Greg: I mean, it's quite good. Alex: What about Danny DeVimto? Greg: I don't mind that, either.

What are your Christmas traditions? Greg: There's a tradition in my family that I believe to be barbaric. The rule is you can open gifts from Father Christmas in the morning, but all other gifts cannot be opened until the last dish has been washed following Christmas dinner. Alex: Whoa, not even after the meal? Greg: Nothing. Not until everything's been washed and everyone's sat down. I see the torture in my nieces' faces. It was almost the ruination of Christmas for me as a child.

Alex: We have a genuine tradition, where after dinner there's one pineapple, and everyone guesses the amount of leaves on the top of it. The oldest person in the household has to count the leaves. Greg: What a surprise that your family would have a weird tradition that no one else in the whole country does. Alex: They keep going. They get really small. You're looking at triple figures. You're looking at 100-plus. Greg: So in the Horne household, it's like, "Oh, gather round, now we're going to count the leaves on a pineapple?" It's like you're lost in some Victorian time loop. Alex: Well, we're not the ones banning our children from opening presents until it's dark...

'How much should you pay a short mother? Mini mum wage' GREG DAVIES

'Why did the man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well' ALEX HORNE

[yoan-le-grall]

[yesterdays-xkcd]

Man, I just wanted to know how babby was formed.

Listen to Yourself [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Black Hat approaches Danish typing at a computer.] Black Hat: What are you writing? Danish: Virus. Black Hat: What's it do?

Danish: When someone tries to post a YouTube comment, it first reads it aloud back to them.

Soon, everywhere: [Cueball is commenting on YouTube with a laptop.] type type type

[Youtube comment is read back.] Cueball: ...I'm a moron.

[Cueball leaves desk and partially closes his laptop.]

[Cueball is seen sitting on steps, depressed.]

[Cueball puts his head in his hands.] Cueball: I... I didn't know.

[mausuwinasa]

>on tiktok

>see girl complaining about how she went to a lot of women’s empowerment conferences and didn’t get much out of them

>says they brought up real issues then never provided any commentary on or ways to combat them

>seems reasonable, like video halfway through

>says “and this is why i like the barbie movie”

>remove like immediately and close tiktok to post this

[a-map-of-gays]

No but at the end of the day I do think it's kind of fucked up that to be or not to be is used so commercially. Like that soliloquy is a grieving teenager contemplating suicide, and I can just buy it printed onto a pencil case and shit

[blissfulwoes]

[slowandsweet]

C'è un tipo di silenzio che è pura magia. Non arriva quando finiscono le parole, ma quando inizia la comprensione.

— G. Donadei There is a kind of silence that is pure magic. It comes not when the words end, but when the understanding begins.

[audreyrose7]

"um, I can't do that because of my religion"

"oh, okay that's totally fine"

"but also... You can't do that because of MY religion"

Um, what? Absolutely not 🤯

[t3rr3nc3]

[citruscitrushope]

I'm sorry both Tenmas are dear to me they both deserved better and I would die for both of them I will defend them both until the day I die

[tobacconist]

wombyn be like: men sneeze loudly to intimidate us into submission

[superfluouskeys]

sooooooo hard to convince myself to just order delivery lol like girl maybe technically you could hobble your sorry ass over there but at whAT COST you IDIOT

[roughentumble]

IF YOU FANCAST TIMOTHY CHALAMET YOU ARE NOT A SERIOUS PERSON

[mycollectioncloud]

Giving In.

My body whispered Exactly what it's looking for Specifically what it needs

And I heard Bits and pieces Every now and again

Finally I gave in Wanted more than I was doing And getting more than I was giving

So I did And I thought to myself The whisper was not merely a whisper

As I make these necessary changes Started listening to my body I realized the whisper was actually a roar

Interesting to realize Even if you think you're aware How much we actually miss out on

[classpectanon]

listen i get you're getting a lot of hate for your quiz and stuff but i think it's more weird that you keep responding to it. just block or ignore them. if you're going to act like your superior to people giving you criticism or making silly jokes it just makes you come off as unlikable and gets you more hate.

i don't care if you think i'm unlikeable or not.