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enjakey · 2 months ago

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Please Stop, Don’t Stop

Pairing: mob!Jake x mob!fem!reader

TWN | 9k- brother’s best friend | best friend’s sister | posted this in my old account a really long time ago which is now deleted | this was literally my first ever enhypen fic and I still love it | I love the mob trope maybe I should write some more of it | so much fun, so much yearning, sibling hate and sibling love | Jay truly is a good brother no matter how shitty he is | Jake is fine shyt and he proves it to you by sneaking around with you

Summary: living in Jay’s shadow as his younger sister was always the life you had known. Considering that he was the heir to family business, the now leader of a mafia, Jay took all kinds of protective measures to keep you safe. Which meant that you were always by his side- just, a room away from his in hotels with your own body guards. You loathed your brother, you did. He stripped you away of a life. But then he loosened up when his right hand man and best friend, Jake, pulled some strings and somehow had you swooning for him.

For the longest time, all Y/N knew was to hide under the shadows of her brother. Wherever he went, she had no choice but to follow. She’d been to exotic countries but stayed locked in hotel rooms while her brother tended to business. Never did she get the chance to enjoy travelling, never did she find herself smiling while she stared out of a balcony, and never did she feel sociable.

Granted, she had bodyguards with her, Sunoo and Jungwon, suffocatingly accompanying her wherever she went. They were at her feet, tracking everything from a lift of her finger to a dart of her eyes to report back to their boss by the end of the day. For all she knew, she thought they were insufferable.

They were all insufferable, blindly following her brother’s orders in the hopes of getting a minuscule ounce of validation. She wondered how her brother managed to get them wrapped around his fingers, having them- all six of them- live for him and his needs and his desires.

Because at the end of the day, Jay Park was in charge, the strongest of them all, the one that could wipe off their existence with a snap of his fingers. Y/N never believed her brother could possibly hold that much power. Maybe power was just a figure of speech, maybe it was just fear that drove everyone to fall at his feet. Maybe it was because they had all signed their souls to him- a devil’s contract.

Her brother, the same boy that fed her popcorn when they were kids, couldn’t possibly be the cruel man he now showed himself to be.

Her brother, who once thought of her as the apple of his eye, only coldly glanced at her when she cried or complained. With a glass of whiskey in one hand, the other tracing his jawline, he’d tut at her. “Don’t be pathetic,” he’d sneer. “What would mum and dad say if they saw you like this?”

Y/N would ask herself the same question. If her mum and dad saw her locked away in random hotel rooms with two men watching her like hawks, they would be disappointed. If her mum and dad saw her cry to her brother about her loneliness, their hearts would ache.

Well, those were the answers concocted from fantasy.

In reality, her mum and dad would tell Jay to do whatever he could in his power to keep her safe. Her mum and dad would allow her to live the rest of her life miserably, as long as it meant she was still alive, breathing. Her mum and dad would applaud Jay for making the decisions he made.

She hated it, Y/N hated him with every fibre of her being- in the beginning, at least. It got exhausting, after a point. To hate her brother was to hate someone he was forced to become. To hate her brother was to hate the industry she saw herself taking over someday. To hate her brother was to mar the good memories she had with him.

Y/N accepted it just around the time she turned eighteen. She accepted spending half her life around expensive hotels and services. She accepted being an unknown sibling when she attended gatherings with her brother on one of those rare days. She accepted being helpless.

She was pathetic. Or maybe she wasn’t, her life was. She had overheard Heeseung and Niki talk pithily of her to Jay. She had watched Sunghoon give her half-hearted glances as he walked past her. She would let Sunoo and Jungwon- who were ordered to not converse with her- ignore her mundane requests. She would endure the helpless shrugs Jake passed her-

Jake. How she envied him sometimes. How she envied the way Jay treated him, his right-hand man, more like a sibling than he treated her. Y/N didn’t know what it was about Jake that her brother admired so much. What was it that he could do that she couldn’t? What was it that Jake had to offer that she couldn’t?

He was so loyal to him, Y/N noticed. Jake Sim would do anything to protect Jay Park. To be fair, she did hear them argue quite a lot. She wasn’t sure about what, but every time they argued, Jay would become a little angrier, a little more controlling and a little more on edge.

In the world she lived in, loyalty was the only thing keeping them alive. Keeping her alive. Y/N stayed loyal to Jay by not running away. The boys he strung alone stayed loyal to him by obeying him, not selling him out.

In the world she lived in, looking over her shoulder was her priority. Physically and metaphorically, of course. Everything had safety precautions, from the keychains on her purse to her beloved phone- the same phone that Jay controlled with through regulations.

He baned her from using social media. All she did with it was watch movies, listen to music or play games. Nevertheless, it was better than having nothing at all. It was better than enduring an eternity of boredom.

Because, Y/N was currently tucked away in boredom, locked in a room with her two trusted bodyguards. They were somewhere in Italy- her balcony gave her a splendid view of the city and with the moon shining in the corner of her sight, her room sparkled with silver.

While she shamelessly hummed a tune and looked out the balcony, Sunoo and Jungwon sat in the room on separate chairs. The pair stared at their phone, thumbs typing away yet somehow, half their attention was on Y/N.

Their one order was to take care of her, and she was sure they vowed to do a damn well job at it.

“Y/N,” she heard Jungwon step into the balcony, his phone fisted into his hand as he waited for a response. She simply hummed at him, telling him to continue. “Your brother wants to speak with you.”

A groan drawled from her throat, head tilting over her shoulder as she glanced at him. Jungwon, though he wasn’t innocent, he certainly did look like it. With his beady eyes and puffy cheeks- Jay must have gone to hell and back to have him and Sunoo on his side. Both of them didn’t look like they belonged. Perhaps that was their advantage.

“What does he want?” Her eyes tiredly narrowed as she spoke but ultimately received no answer.

She rolled her eyes, following Jungwon back into the room. She was being guided out by him and Sunoo, strolling behind her as she strutted out the door and down the hall until the door to her brother’s hotel room came to view.

Swinging the door open, she was immediately met with the sight of two tramps- one entertaining her brother while the other danced in the middle of the room.

Niki sat on one couch, holding up a phone to record the tramps while Heeseung sat beside him. Jake and Sunghoon sat on another, smirks of amusement plastered on their faces as they watched. Y/N scoffed when Jungwon left her side to sit with Jay and Sunoo left to sit beside Niki.

“Dismiss your prostitutes before asking for your sister next time,” she crossed her arms, heels clicking as she came closer to her brother.

With a tut and a snap of his fingers, the two girls disappeared into the bathroom. Niki groaned out a complaint, something about being bored, and tucked his phone away. He was the youngest, yet he was the strongest out of them all. Y/N had heard rumours about his talents in wielding knives.

Heeseung, who sat beside him, was the oldest and smartest. The one in charge of planning and executing- or so she heard. He had his arm wrapped around Niki’s shoulders, a stoic scowl taking over his face as he looked at Y/N.

“I know you hate me but try being nice to me when my friends are around,” Jay smirked, standing to meet his sister’s gaze.

“It’s exhausting to feel anything towards you, brother,” as Y/N rolled her eyes, Niki involuntarily snickered.

Jay flashed the boy a glare and he quickly covered his mouth. “As I said,” he looked back at his sister. “Play nice.”

Y/N hid her disbelief by sucking in a breath, digging her nails into her arms. “Why’d you want to see me?”

“Mum called,” he said so casually, it made her raise a brow.

“What am I to do with that piece of information?”

“Again with the attitude,” he warned, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “She wants us to attend a gathering tomorrow,” he informed.

“Tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yes, tomorrow,” he echoed. “And not to worry, mum already has a dress sent for you,” he offered her a teasing smile which earned him another roll of her eyes.

“Are you bringing all six of your playthings or is it just gonna be the two of us?” She waved her hand, pointing towards the rest of the boys, eyes still trained on her brother.

“Have some manners,” Jay scowled. “They haven’t done anything to you.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’re all loyal to you, aren’t they?” Y/N cocked her head. “I don’t feel like giving you lot manners,” she seethed.

“I’m not gonna repeat myself,” Jay seethed back, snapping his fingers at her face.

Y/N flinched. She shamelessly flinched, eyes blinking and body leaning back. But then she shook away the shock on her face, standing straight and offering him the same stoic expression she gave her when she was angry.

“Just answer my question.”

Jay rolled his eyes this time, hand retreating to his side. “It’s only going to be me, you and Jake,” he promised.

“Awe, am I not gonna have my lovely bodyguards there?” She pouted, clearly showing off her sarcasm.

“Jake is more than capable of taking care of you for one night,” Jay smiled teasingly, looking over her shoulder to steal a glance from his right-hand man. “The rest of them have business to attend to.”

“Of course,” she smiled right back at him, narrowing her eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes, that is all,” Jay nodded. “I expect you to be ready by tomorrow evening.”

“The dress better look pretty, then.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It is,” Jay cooed. “Mum even got it in pink.”

Her scoff went unnoticed by everyone when they fell into a stupor of laughter. Y/N was used to it, to be openly made fun of. Maybe she didn’t care, either. Regardless, if something happened to Jay one day, it would be her they listened to. She knew how she could get her way.

“Sunoo and Jungwon can stay here for the night. Have some fun,” Jay announced.

“Yay, I get to spend the night alone,” she leaned her weight on one leg. “Generous of you,” she crooned.

“I know,” Jay crooned back, eyes trailing towards his right-hand man. “Be a gentleman, Jake, and bring my sister back to her room, will you?”

Jake stood up, rubbing his palms against his jeans and giving Jay an assuring nod. Y/N didn’t bother to meet Jake’s eyes or bid her brother a good night. She trailed towards the door, leaving as she felt Jake’s hand hovering over her back.

The halls were empty, ground matted with blue carpets, walls plastered with ivory wallpaper, all the glory made visible by dimly lit golden lights. Yet her senses drowned in the sounds of their feet padding against the carpet, his hand guiding her by her back.

Jay must have trusted him the most. If it were anyone else, he probably would have chopped their fingers off for even dreaming of touching her- his sister. For someone that acted like she deserved no happiness, he sure was overprotective.

“Jay only wants to keep you safe.”

Jake’s voice rang loud and clear, his accent giving away his nerves. Y/N scoffed again, rolling her head to the side to get a better look at his perfectly styled hair and sculptured nose.

“I thought none of you were allowed to talk to me?”

Then came silence, just as she expected. And Jake had let her into her hotel room, locking the door as he left, leaving her in silence. Lonely silence and she liked that she was alone. For once she wouldn’t have two bodyguards shielding her to sleep.

The next morning, she was happy to realise that Jay was wrong. The dress her mum sent was, in fact, black. The satin wrapped around her frame effortlessly and Y/N admired herself in the mirror, her hands brushing over her collarbones and neck that hung a thin chain. Her fingers adorned with rings, ones that Jay bought for her.

She was brave enough to wear stilettos, and her feet tapped against each other while she sat in the back of her car, staring out the window. Jake drove, Jay sat in the passenger’s seat. The rearview mirror angled directly at Y/N, giving Jay a clean picture of his sister.

“When’d you get your nails done?”

Y/N admired her nails, shiny black liquor matching her dress. “I did them myself,” she spoke with a smile.

Jay hummed, amused by the way his sister entertained herself. He didn’t say anything else, just tapped his phone against his cheek and looked out the window. Jake found himself glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

Soon Y/N found herself standing in front of another hotel. The party hall, she presumed, where the gathering would be held. That would be the third time she was attending a party that year, to be able to witness human interaction.

Jay made sure to keep his hand wrapped around her forearm, subtly dragging her around as Jake followed them into a room lit by chandeliers and organised with circular tables- covered by white cloth, of course.

“Alright, listen,” Jay held her at an arm’s length, eyes sternly begging her to listen to his requests. “I need you to stay in one place. Where I can keep an easy eye on you,” he blinked.

“Am I not allowed to have fun?” Y/N crooked a brow, a smile creeping up her cheeks. “Dance with the rest of the guests, maybe?”

“Jake will be with you at all times. I’m sure he can give you all the entertainment you need for the night,” he clenched his jaw. Jake let out a hum, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Then why do you need to keep an eye on me?”

“Because I’m paranoid, Y/N,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Just tell me where you’ll be sitting. At least I’m letting you pick.”

“Yeah, because that’s being charitable,” despite her annoyance, she looked around the room, eyes landing on the open bar with tall stools. She pointed in its direction. “There. You’ll be able to see me from any corner and I’ll at least be able to drink.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “Just don’t get drunk. I expect to see you be able to walk by the end of the night.”

Then he exchanged a promising nod with Jake, leaving the pair alone while he went away to act like a polite guest. Jake, after a moment of silence, offered Y/N his arm and she hesitantly looped in hers. He guided her to the bar and helped her sit on the stool.

She fixed her dress, one leg crossed on the other as she ordered champagne. “What would you like to have?” She turned to Jake, her earrings shining under the light.

“I can order for myself,” he said, weaving his fingers together as he sat beside her.

“Too proud to let a girl speak for you, huh?” Y/N chuckled, wrapping her fingers around the drink that was being handed to her.

“Funny,” Jake passed her an annoyed glance. He called for the bartender with a wave of two fingers, asking for a whiskey that was handed to him within seconds.

“Strong men only enjoy strong drinks, I guess,” she mumbled, smirking as she brought the rim of her glass to her lips.

Jake scoffed. “You’re full of opinions, aren’t you?” He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know how to be nice to people?”

“What?” Y/N scoffed right back at him. “I’ve been stripped away of living my life and now I can’t have emotions and opinions?”

Jake looked away, clenching his jaw and gripping his glass of whiskey. He wore his own set of rings, ones that strained against his skin and clanked against his glass.

“And please enlighten me as to why I have to be nice,” she continued. “Have any of you been nice to me? Hence, do I owe any of you my kindness?”

“Fair enough,” Jake let the words push past his teeth.

“That’s what I thought,” her lips frowned into a scowl as she sipped her champagne again. Upon looking at his defeated face, though, she recoiled. “But since my brother’s forcing you to keep me company tonight, perhaps I should play nice.”

Jake chuckled, involuntarily letting himself enjoy Y/N’s humour. “Here I thought you didn’t owe me your kindness,” he cocked his head, hiding his smile with his glass of whiskey.

“Don’t make me regret it,” she tipped her glass towards him.

Jake hummed, nodding as he mustered up the courage to look at Y/N- his boss’ sister, the same girl he wasn’t allowed to cross paths with until the previous night. He smiled at her, pondering if striking up a conversation was a good idea.

If he was allowed to, he might as well let himself use his freedom to his advantage. Y/N was doing it, too, after all.

“Your life’s always been this way, huh?” He asked, shamelessly showing his curiosity.

“What way?” She wondered, pushing her newly emptied glass away. Her fingers curled under his chin, propping her elbows on the counter.

“This,” he pointed his finger at her, looking her up and down. “Controlled by your brother, denied of freedom,” he listed.

Y/N pondered over his question while asking for a refill of champagne. She swirled her glass around, watching the bubbles fizz away. She cleared her throat, nostalgia filling her conscience.

“I used to be a wild girl while I was still in high school,” she chuckled. “You know, typical high school parties, cheap beer and making mistakes?”

Jake nodded. “Then what drove Jay to treat you like this?” He cringed. “He pulled you out of school, didn’t he?”

“You know, I thought he would have told you of all people the reason for his actions,” she chuckled but continued explaining. “Yes, he pulled me out of school. He forced me to live in secrecy and whatnot,” she shrugged.

“We’re all just as clueless are you are,” he shrugged back. “All we know is that you and your brother have an… Unconventional relationship.”

“Unconventional doesn’t even begin to explain it,” she sipped her champagne. “He was forced into all of this, you know? The Mob, the violent mentality. With that came paranoia and the constant need to keep up his guard.”

“You seem quite sympathetic towards him,” he noticed.

“Maybe I am,” she agreed. “But whatever he’s been through doesn’t excuse how he treats me,” she insisted, pressing her finger to her chest.

“Right,” Jake pursed his lips.

“His overprotective act just made me despise him a little. He ruined my life, after all,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Of course,” he let out a scoff, a slight grin taking over his features as he finished off his whiskey.

Y/N tilted her head, attempting to get a better glance at Jake. “What’s so funny?” She asked, the same grin spreading on her lips.

The more she examined him, the more she realised how little she knew of him. Of any of them, for that matter. They lived under the same roof, travelled everywhere but the only information she gathered of them was by overhearing conversations. To be fair, her brother did ban them from interacting with her, regardless of how much he trusted them.

She came to realise that this was probably the closest she had to a conversation in a long time.

Jake, on the other hand, shook away the glee on his face when he looked over Y/N’s shoulder, only to find Jay approaching them. He looked away, clenching his jaw and weaving his fingers together. Y/N’s brows knitted together, confusion slapping her harder than a wave.

When Jay finally made himself known, her expression contorted into realisation. Brow raising, she watched him smile at her and Jake. “I see you’ve been enjoying yourselves so far,” he said. “I hate to interrupt but I have a certain someone that was begging to meet you.”

Beside him stood a woman that Y/N found much too familiar. Her auburn hair flowed past her shoulders, almond eyes shining with a smile as she looked at her.

“Pearl?” Y/N’s eyes widened, excited as she started the woman up and down. She used to babysit her and her brother when she was still children, oblivious to the bad in the world.

Pearl was a reminder of her past, a sliver of naivety.

“Yeah, It’s me,” the woman fondly opened her arms and Y/N found herself leaping at the hug.

“My God, it’s been years,” Y/N gasped, holding her at an arm’s length.

“I know, a lot has changed,” Pearl enthused. “You look great, Y/N.”

“You too,” she agreed. “How have you been?”

“Good. Great,” Pearl nodded. “I’ve got two kids, a great husband,” she smiled at her, then craned her neck to smile at Jay.

Jake watched the scene unravel from behind with a refill of whiskey held between his fingers. He saw the way Jay licked his top teeth as Pearl smiled feverishly at him and that Y/N wasn’t oblivious to the looks they shared. Unloyal she was, it was obvious.

Jay was quick to cut the reunion, standing between his sister and their once babysitter. “Nostalgia is a joy, isn’t it?” He grinned. “Now, Pearl. I’ll have a few words with my sister and then come find you. Go on now.”

Pearl nodded, waving Y/N goodbye. “I’ll be waiting,” she said to Jay and breezed past them.

Y/N gaped at her brother, wide-eyed as she realised what she just witnessed. Jay raised a brow. “What?” He asked, holding his hands by his side.

“She’s married,” she reminded him. “She has two kids. And you want to sleep with her?”

“Since when did you have a say in my actions?” Jay jeered, completely careless towards her point. Y/N rolled her eyes, Jake scoffed and shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” she cursed. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I know,” her brother smirked, then strolled past her, leaving her alone with Jake again.

Y/N scoffed at him, returning to her stool while shaking her head out of disbelief. She didn’t say anything, just thought to herself that this was probably the most eventful night she’s had since her eighteenth birthday.

“He disappoints you, doesn’t he?” Jake swirled around his whiskey, training his eyes on the way her mouth gaped.

“He has no self-respect, does he?” Y/N ran her fingers through her scalp, meddling with her hair as she hollered for more drinks- this time, wine.

“No, I guess not,” he mumbled, too entranced by the anger that seemed to suit her so well. The way her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, mouth parted and chest rising a little more than usual- Jake looked away.

For the rest of the night, he stripped her and himself of any interaction between them. The pair enjoyed their drinks, lost in their phones. A part of Jake hoped that she’d ask him for a dance or whine about how bored she was.

Maybe she was too proud to ask for anything else, maybe she was just angry towards her intolerable brother.

It was proven to be the latter when Jay came striding back, hair tousled and shirt wrinkled from his controversial expedition. “You’re insufferable,” she said to him

“Don’t ruin my mood,” he dismissed her, and it was back to being ignored by her brother.

She was taken back to the hotel, her diner waiting in her room along with Sunoo and Jungwon. She quietly changed her clothes, freshened up before eating and replayed the events of the night over and over again.

She thought about Pearl and Jay and Jake- Oh, especially Jake and the conversation she had with him. She found herself craving more conversations, desperate for an escape. But, wishing for leisure was like wishing for a unicorn.

She got over it by tomorrow, accepting her loneliness once again while she ate pancakes in bed while her brother and his friends were enjoying breakfast together. She swore she could hear laughter echoing from the banquet hall, overpowering the melodies she had playing on her phone.

A knock on her door, however, was not what she expected. She didn’t have to get out of bed and open the door, though that was the whole point of knocking. It opened on its own and Jake’s head peaked through the crack, his hand gripping the doorknob.

Y/N immediately sat straight, duvet pooling at her waist as she turned off her music and put away her pancakes. A breath left her lips as he entered her room, followed by her brother and Sunghoon.

“What a surprise,” she mumbled, fisting the duvet as the three boys stood around her bed, one on each side.

“Good morning,” her brother offered her a curt smile and she nodded at him.

“Am I in trouble?” She almost laughed. “Or do you need something?”

“I just need to talk to you,” Jay rolled his eyes. “Andrei has been asking to see you for a while.”

“And who’s Andrei?”

Jay smiled viciously, realising that his sister was curious, giving him the attention he expected. “He’s a work buddy of mine, it’s not important.”

“Seems like it is,” she furrowed her brows. “He wants to see me, after all,” she argued.

“Just listen, will you?” He scoffed. “I’m attending a meeting of his and he wants you there.”

“Then why are these two here?”

“They will be taking care of you. I’d much rather have these two look after you while the rest of the boys attend the meeting with me.”

Jake pursed his lips, nodding as he listened. Sunghoon passed Y/N a stoic glance from the corner of his eyes. She gulped, covering up her second guesses with a furrow of her brows.

“So, what? I’m just gonna sit outside while you have all the fun?” She chuckled half-heartedly, a hesitant smile gracing her face.

“I don’t call this fun, Y/N” Jay seethed. “You’ve been popular around my colleagues and I’d rather not know the reason. The least you can do is not ask questions and follow simple orders.”

“I am not one of your playthings to follow orders, Jay,” she seethed back. “It’s early in the morning, I don’t need you snapping at me.”

Jay, with a smile that screamed anything but good, crouched beside her bed, face inching towards hers. “I can say the same,” he chuckled, two puffs of air escaping his lungs.

Y/N glared at him, jaw clenching as she let go of her duvet and crossed her arms. “You’re insatiable,” she growled.

“I know,” Jay smirked. “Now get out of bed, get ready and change into something presentable,” he stood to his feet, stomping towards her suitcases and flinging them open. Y/N followed him, jumping out of her bed and yelping.

“I’m obviously not going to show up in my pyjamas!” She yelled. “Now, stop going through my stuff and get out!”

She swore she heard Jake and Sunghoon stifle their laughter as Y/N pushed her brother towards her door. Their hands covered their mouths, unsubtly looking away.

“Out!” She continued yelling. “The lot of you!”

“I’m only messing with you,” her brother grinned at her as he stepped out the door, ushering the two other boys with his hand.

“You show brotherly affection at the worse times,” she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Jake and Sunghoon strolling past her and out the door.

Jay shook his head, crooning. “Be ready before I get annoyed.”

Y/N slammed the door in his face.

Sighing, she brushed her hands down her face as silence consumed her once again. She strolled around her room, taking ten minutes to waste before ultimately disappearing into the bathroom.

It was rather dramatic of her to saunter out of her door in a little red dress, hands shifting her hair to one side of her shoulder. The carpet muffled the click of her heels and at the end of the hall stood Jake like a knight in tailored clothes.

His presence took her by surprise and her lips parted as she approached him. “Jay told me to get you,” he said and she curtly nodded.

Jake walked her downstairs, an awkward silence following their path as Y/N looked ahead; he fought to steal glances of her. Then they entered the elevator, metal doors sliding behind them.

He cleared his throat, licking his lips. “Had a good breakfast?”

“Of course,” she answered nonchalantly, eyes trained forward. It was a lie, obviously, but neither of them felt the need to acknowledge it.

She was piled into a car with him, Jay and Sunghoon. She didn’t say a word, didn’t seem like she wanted to either. Her earphones stuck to her ear, feet bobbing up and down to an unknown beat.

Jake, despite fighting his urges, had his eyes trained on her arms, legs, exposed neck and collarbones- any exposed skin he could get his gaze on, gaping from the corner of his eyes. He’d surely get in trouble if Jay caught his subtle glances.

An exhausted sigh left her lips when they reached her destination, her shoulders slumping as she stood in front of a rather tall building. “Come on, now,” Jay had clasped his hand around her arm and dragged her inside- Jake and Sunghoon followed.

“I can walk on my own,” she complained, a breathy whine escaping her throat as they entered a meeting room. Empty, it was- a long table surrounded by cushioned chairs for privileged backs to lean on.

“I know, I just don’t want my baby sister to get lost in this mess,” he taunted. “So, listen carefully and just follow the rules, yeah?”

“You make this sound like mission impossible,” she groaned. “Why are you making this such a big deal? I’m just meeting one of your colleagues,” she argued, tilting her head to the side.

“You’re meeting a colleague that’s killed people for fun,” he glared. “As surprising as it may seem, I’d like to keep you alive.”

“You’ve killed people too. What’s the difference?” She almost chuckled, disbelief taking over her features.

Jay had the same reaction. “The difference is that I’m your brother,” he reminded. “Now, can you just listen?”

“Fine. I’m listening.”

“Good,” he started. “When Andrei comes in, he’s gonna want to see you. obviously. All you have to do is behave, smile like the little princess you are and minimally answer all his questions. Simple enough, right?” He shrugged his shoulders, a sarcastic smile appearing on his face.

“Right,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Exactly,” he enthused. “When he’s done talking to you, Jake will take you away and you’ll wait in the bar, right across from this room,” he pointed his arm out the door, towards the area he was referring to. “Sunghoon will join you later.”

“Great plan, brother,” it was clearly a sardonic compliment. “Keeping me alive and all… You deserve an award.”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes, Y/N,” he sighed and she furrowed her brows, telling him that she wasn’t joking either.

Her reaction went ignored when the door to the meeting room flung open, revealing a man taller than the three boys Y/N was surrounded by. She presumed it was Andrei and he did fit the mental image she created for him. Tall, as old as her dad and holding pride as he walked in.

All three boys curtly turned their heads towards him, bodies stiffening as they greeted him with their hands meeting in the middle. “It’s good to see you boys,” he smiled.

“It’s good to see you too, boss,” Jay exhaled, letting go of his hand. Y/N lightly gaped at her brother, confused by his choice of… Words.

Andrew crisply turned around, surprised when his gaze was met with the presence of Y/N. He bellowed out a chuckle, brows raising as his arms extending past him. “My, God!” He cheered. “I didn’t actually think you’d bring her,” he directed towards Jay.

“I thought it’d be nice if you took a trip down memory lane,” Jay offered, shrugging.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen you!” Then he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a hug.

Y/N was taken by surprise as her cheek pressed into the man’s chest. She didn’t know what he was talking about, she didn’t know what either of them were talking about and Andrei sure as hell didn’t seem like he was the murderous type. Towards her, at least. So the confusion stayed on her face when she was released from the embrace.

“Do you remember me, sweetheart?” Andrei asked.

Y/N shook her head, almost embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled.

“Oh, I don’t blame you,” he waved it off. “You were a baby the last time I saw you, clinging to your father’s side,” he smiled warmly, a stark contrast to the description she received of him.

“I’m sure she’ll remember if our dad gives her a little push towards remembering,” Jay smiled sarcastically again. Andrei agreed with a laugh.

“Regardless,” Andrei started. “It’s good to see you, Y/N.”

“Goodie,” Jay clasped his hands together, ushering at Jake with a nod. “I’d rather have my sister out of here before the rest arrive. Wouldn’t want her to die of boredom,” he took two steps towards his sister, a hand pressing on her back as Jake stood on her other side.

Andrei raised a questioning brow, turning to Sunghoon who answered with an inattentive shrug.

“I have so many questions,” Y/N whispered to Jay.

“I’ll answer them later,” Jay added. “If I feel like it.”

Then, Jake was guiding her away to the bar. It was like the previous night all over again as he helped her sit on one of the chairs, keeping the meeting room out of her sight. Y/N dryly laughed, scratching the corner of her brow with her pinky.

“He calls this entertainment,” the span of her palms spread across her thighs.

“He’s just being protective,” Jake debated.

Y/N shook her head again, chuckling out of disbelief. She ordered a glass of wine- a whiskey for Jake with it. The thought of being granted recreation was completely thrown out the window as her eyes met with Jake’s.

She scoffed. “You’d think that the right-hand man has to sit through every meeting,” she commented.

“There’s a lot more to my job than attending meetings and tending to your brother’s requests,” he chuckled. “Besides, my presence isn’t required. We already know what the meeting’s about.”

“Wow,” Y/N leaned her head on her shoulder. “There’s a lot about my brother I’m unaware of,” she stated. With that, it sounded like she affirmed it.

“I’m sure he’ll give you your answers when he thinks your ready.”

“I’m eighteen and he’s been dragging me along for three years. I think I’m ready,” she sipped her wine, eyes narrowed at the sight of Jake sighing. Her shoulders slumped again. “You know,” she trailed. “Jay treats you more like a sibling than me.”

Jake’s eyes widened, almost coughed up his whiskey as he gawked at her. Her statement came out nonchalantly, almost like she’d been waiting to finally say it.

At his reaction, Y/N laughed, waving her hand in front of her as she put away her wine. “No, no,” he coaxed. “Don’t freak out, I’m just saying,” she grinned.

He wiped the corner of his mouth with the side of his hand. “You don’t just say things like that,” he scoffed.

“Eh,” she shrugged a shoulder. “Am I wrong?”

“You are,” he insisted.

“You could be wrong, too,” she reasoned. “But then again, he wouldn’t be treating the lot of you like playthings if he actually cared,” Y/N raised her brows, hiding her expression by drinking her wine.

“Playthings,” he echoed. “You throw that phrase around a lot- what do you even mean by it?” He weaved his fingers together, perfectly styled hair falling over his left eye, curiosity taking over his duty.

“Well,” Y/N pondered, swirling around her wine glass. “You let him boss you around, use you, made sure that your sole purpose was to serve him-”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he silenced her with a wave of her hand and she couldn’t help but realise how similar he was to her brother. She exhaled, giving up. “You sound really stupid.”

“Is that so?” She hummed. “Please enlighten me,” she squinted her eyes, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

“He doesn’t use us or boss us around,” he waved around his fingers, body language suddenly animated. “You think he’s some sort of monster and I don’t blame you for it but he cares, Y/N. He just shows it in a messed up way,” he crossed one leg over the other, finishing his whiskey in one gulp.

“I feel very cared for,” she rolled her eyes.

Y/N wasn’t going to admit the pit she felt in her chest, a rock of disgust and jealousy churning her stomach, making her abandon her wine. It stung to know that he treated his friends better than he treated his own sister.

“Protect me, my ass,” she mumbled, rolling her head and looking past Jake’s shoulder.

Heeseung, Niki, Jungwon and Sunoo walked down the hall, leading a small crowd into the meeting room. Her fingers drummed against the counter, lips pursing as she pondered.

“Listen,” she heard Jake sigh. “I know it stings but he cares for you. More than any of us. Hence the overprotective act he puts on,” he coaxed.

“Act?” She huffed. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I mean, did it work?” He tried, clearly getting a laugh out of her.

“No.”

“Fair,” he pursed his lips. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“We don’t even know each other,” she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, pointing between themselves.

“So?” He asked. “We can get to know each other now?” He offered.

“Is that allowed?”

Jake smirked, tracing his tongue over his teeth. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered, leaning closer to her for dramatic effect. “Your brother trusts me more than anyone, which means he trusts me around you more than Jungwon or Sunoo.”

Y/N raised a brow, smirking back. “Which means what?”

“He doesn’t mind me interacting with you,” he let out. “I’ve always been looking out for you. Longer than Sunoo and Jungwon.”

She gaped at his confession, a shiver of shock running down her spine. “How am I only finding out about this now?” She inquired.

He shrugged. “I told you. There’s a lot more to being the right-hand man than you think,” he grinned. “Plus, he knows you’re going crazy. That’s why he needs me to tag along with him if he’s bringing you,” he explained.

“And here I thought my day was ruined,” she enthused, finding it in her to finish her abandoned wine. “So Jungwon and Sunoo aren’t my bodyguards anymore?”

“I guess you could say that,” he said. “They’re not gonna be locked in your room with you all day. They have other work to tend to for now is all I know. And I’ll be looking after you when you need to be.”

With the new information that was practically being fed to her, Y/N felt a rush of relief wash over her. “I can be alone in my room now,” she gushed.

“Yeah,” Jake chuckled, nodding.

She was still being babied, she knew. But the little splinter of freedom she was being given gave her a little hope. Maybe this was just the beginning of a better future, maybe Jay was realising how unfair he had always been. Regardless, she still felt happy and confident.

Hopefully, nothing would burst that bubble.

“And, by the way,” he added. “You didn’t hear any of this from me.”

“Of course,” she grinned and Jake found his hand moving towards hers, cupping it right on top of her knuckles. Y/N didn’t oppose it, she let his contact be the big red bow to her good day.

Jake thought her skin was warm. He thought the sight of their hands touching was more than just a pretty picture. He thought he wanted to hold her hand for longer than he’d like. He spent more than a couple of years watching over her like a fairy godmother- or guardian angel, whatever it was they called them these days. This was probably the last thing he expected, but it happened.

He wished for the moment to last a little longer, but Y/N’s face contorted into realisation, her gaze moving past his shoulder. She slipped her hand away from his, clearing her throat and dusting her dress as Sunghoon stood in front of them, the same stoic expression gracing his expression.

“The meeting’s almost over. Jay should be out soon,” he informed and Y/N nodded, pulling her lips to the side.

Before Sunghoon could make himself comfortable on one of the stools and enjoy himself a drink, Jay was striding towards them. With his hands balled into fists, his arms swung as he approached them.

Y/N found it in herself to smile at her brother, head innocently tilting as he looked at her with confusion. “What?” He asked. “What’s so amusing? Why are you smiling?” He wondered, looking between her and Jake.

“Am I not allowed to smile?” She blinked innocently.

“You don’t smile for no reason,” he pointed out, then rolled his eyes. “Where’s the angry remark I usually get?”

Jake and Sunghoon exchanged glances.

“Don’t be a bore, Jay,” Y/N chuckled. “I’m just excited to ask you those questions I was talking about earlier.”

Jay sucked in a breath, face relaxing as realisation washed over him. He glanced at the ceiling, then at the ground, helplessly sighing. He only realised just how much his sister was going to pester him.

“Let’s just go, shall we?” He pursed his lips.

Jay grabbed her forearm, smoothly dragging her out of her stool and past the hallway, all the way down to the ground floor. Y/N let him, yet curious questions tumbled out of her mouth, none stop. By the time they reached the car, Jay was annoyed.

He ushered Jake and Sunghoon to get in the car as he held Y/N by the arm, glaring at her until she shut up and gave him a reaction deemed serious enough. “What do you want from me?” He fumed.

Y/N took a deep breath, throwing away the questions she had on Andrei, or her parents or about the business he leads. Instead, she pursed her lips into a smile. “I just want you to be my brother,” she freely admitted.

“I am your brother.”

“But you don’t act like one!” She argued. “I just want you to let me live my life and be happy when I find happiness. I want you to let me explore the places you drag me to, let me interact with people,” she listed breathlessly, hope filling her voice.

“Y/N, you know how dangerous it is to just let you wander,” he sighed. “I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Her tongue poked her cheek as her brother looked away, eyes frantically blinking as a wind blew past them. “Okay, then Jake can follow me around while I go wandering,” she offered. “You trust him, and he keeps me safe. I’ll be a good girl and won’t talk to strangers.”

Jay immediately let out a chuckle. “What did you and Jake talk about while I was gone?”

Her brows furrowed, lips forced into a frown. “What? We didn’t talk,” she insisted. “it was more of a chat. And he didn’t exactly tell me anything.”

With that, Jay pondered, hands resting on his hips as he looked his sister up and down. He sighed defeatedly. “Fine,” he said. “I’m not going to let you wander all by yourself. You can stay in your room alone and do whatever you want but when you’re outside, you’re either with me or him. Understood?”

Y/N couldn’t help the smile that reached her eyes, stretching her cheeks and showing her teeth. She’d jump up and down if she could. “Understood,” she said to him.

“Good,” he nodded. “I trust him enough to know that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. So, make friends with him or something, I don’t know. I’m only letting you do this because I don’t want you going crazy.”

“I know,” she nodded, lovingly looking at her brother who had his guard down. “Thank you, brother.”

“Don’t make me regret this,” he warned and she was being piled into the car, sitting in the back seat with Jake.

As Sunghoon started driving, Jake managed to catch Y/N’s attention. He curiously nodded at her, silently asking what she was smiling about. She only shrugged at him and looked away, hands resting on the exposed skin of her knee.

She was alone when she reached her, a silence she accompanied on her own. She starting squealing out of joy, skipping towards the bathroom with a smile that refused to leave her face. Music blasted through her phone and she shamelessly sang along.

Dinner was sent to her room later in the night and she happily located herself on the bed, duvet pooling at her waist as the TV played a random movie she’d never watched or understood. Nevertheless, she watched intently, wide eyes scanning across the subtitles as she stuffed her mouth with carbonara pasta.

She didn’t cross paths with her brother since their merry little conversation. And neither did she expect to see him or any of his friends. But her door creaked open, and a familiar set of fingers adorned with a familiar set of rings held the door frame and Y/N was wiping her mouth and placing her plate on a table.

Deja vu washed over her.

“Jake?” She raised a brow as he entered the room without an invitation, slowly and softly clicking the door closed behind him.

Jake gazed at her with doe-eyes, filled with some amount of hope and desperation. His lips crooned into a sheepish smile as his fingers laced together in front of him. “When I said I wanted us to get to know each other, I meant it.”

Y/N smiled involuntarily, blinking twice as Jake took two steps towards her bed. She had to admit, the conversation she had with him was forgotten about, overshadowed by the satisfaction of her new predicament.

For starters, she didn’t know if Jake alone was allowed in there. She didn’t know how her brother would react if he found out he was in her room. Bending and breaking the rules so early into freedom wasn’t the best idea.

But what the hell did she know? She let him walk right up to her.

“I don’t know why but something in me thought it’d be a good idea to sneak into your room,” he chuckled, pulling a chair towards the foot of her bed. He sat comfortably, eyes trained on the sight of Y/N pulling the duvet to her shoulders.

“He knows you won’t hurt me,” she waved it off. “He made it quite clear that he trusts you with his life. Ergo, he trusts you enough to keep my life in the palm of your hands. You chatting with me alone in my room shouldn’t bother him-”

“-But Jay’s ego is so big that if he finds me here, he’ll wig out,” he gladly finished for her, waving around his fingers as he spoke. “He told me about the small changes he allowed.”

“Exactly,” she laughed.

“Were you just saying all that to convince yourself that it’s fine for me to be here?” He inquired, smirking

“Maybe,” she trailed. “I just don’t want to mess up, cross a line, have Jay find out and wig out and treat me like a doll again. You know?” She shrugged, belting out her explanation with a single breath.

“I know,” Jake nodded, giving her a comforting smile.

Y/N had to wonder why she was letting this happening, why she found herself enjoying his company and the conversations he started up. She could have easily chalked it up to the lack of human interaction during all these years. She could have easily chalked it up to the desperation of needing valid attention.

He was sitting in front of her, with the first two buttons of his shirt undone, his fingers trailing up and down his thigh and he listened and spoke. He had a perfectly charming smile and a perfectly carved nose. He had eyes shaped like pointy almonds and his laugh- Y/N loved making him laugh.

If Y/N could box up his laugher and get lost in how ridiculously restricted it sounded, she would. Perhaps it was his laughter that put her to sleep that night, unaware of just how tired the adrenaline rush made her.

But it was the same adrenaline rush and the absence of laughter that woke her up hours later. Her head lifted off her pillow with a gasp, hands fisting her duvet when she realised Jake was still in her room, sleeping in the chair with his head thrown back.

The sight of him at peace didn’t stop her from gaping, though. “Oh, my God,” she said, then repeated herself a little louder. That was enough for Jake’s eyes to shoot open and look around in complete confusion.

“What?” He rubbed his eyes with his palms, fingers scaling through his scalp as he fixed his hair. “What is it?” He mumbled.

Y/N squinted her eyes, forgetting for a split second that he wasn’t supposed to be in her room. “How is it that your hair is still perfect?” Her lips parted while she dramatically parted.

Jake’s face fell, a disinterest washing over him as he stared at the messily clothed girl in front of him. “You were freaking out a second ago and now this?” He raised his brows.

“Oh, yeah!” Her fingers buried in her face. “You’re still in my room!” She reminded him like it was no big deal but the clench of her jaw betrayed her.

The warm Italian sun was rising and shone its light through the curtains. Jake found himself flinching at the hasty realisation, jumping out of his chair and straightening his shirt. “Shit,” he cursed. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“No shit Sherlock!” Y/N scoffed, pushing the duvet off her legs and trudging towards the door. “Go back to your room before Jay wakes up,” she opened the door and Jake gladly followed with fisted hands.

“You think he’ll find out?” He stood at the entrance, hands holding the doorframe.

“He will if you stay any longer,” she closed the door as a scoff left his lips. “I’m sorry you had to sleep on a chair!” Then the door clicked shut and her back leaned on the door, a hand running down her face.

It was then she realised the grim on her face and stench on her skin but she didn’t find it in her to shower. Instead, she mulled over the number of ways the rest of the day could go while sitting on the edge of her bed and fixating on the chair Jake had slept on.

Now that she thought about it, her hotel room wasn’t as spacious as she thought. The ivory carpet was comfortable, and the golden lights seemed to brighten the bathroom more than the actual room. The bed was large and had pillows cosier than the ones back at home- Jay’s house.

All of that didn’t matter because today would be the day she would venture the streets of Naples and eat something other than five-star dishes for every meal. The thought brought a smile on her face, an exhausted smile but a smile nonetheless.

When she moved towards her suitcases, her door opened again and her face fell, lips pursing. “Good morning,” she heard her brother say, his sarcastic smile could be heard from a mile away.

“Morning,” she sang, the same sarcastic smile spreading on her face as she turned to look at him.

“You’re chipper,” he commented. “Why?”

He was oblivious to the fact that his trusted, loyal and honest right-hand man was previously in the room.

“Because I have a request that I know you won’t turn down,” she smiled ignorantly, a sparkle in her eyes and Jay strolled towards her, rolling his eyes.

“Ah, yes,” he mused. “Last day in Italy and the first day of filling your dream of getting the small sliver of freedom you’ve been chasing,” he taunted, holding up his thumb and index as he described what he meant by small.

“Come on, don’t ruin my mood,” she slapped his chest with the back of her hand. “When are we leaving, anyway?”

“Late in the evening,” he informed. “So whatever activities you have planned for today, they better fit the schedule,” he added.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I just want to go shopping and try pastries,” she shrugged. Jay’s face contorted into mild disgust.

“You really are miserable,” he commented, though it was obvious to be passed on as a joke.

“No, I just want to enjoy the little things in life,” she insisted.

“Please, don’t become a romantic,” he whined, his hand raising to hover in front of him.

“I’ve always been a romantic,” she snarled. “You’d know that if you bothered to spend a little time with me.”

“You’d be surprised,” he rolled his eyes. “Just don’t drag Jake into your romantic fantasies,” he waved his hand.

“You’re not funny,” she rolled her eyes. “And for someone who trusts Jake so much, you really have a way of being subtle about your concerns,” she pointed out. “Why?”

“Doesn’t matter how much I trust him,” Jay replied. “I know you and I know you’ll do something stupid and drag him into it with you. Why did you think I ordered Sunoo and Jungwon never to talk to you?”

“Seriously?” She scoffed, mouth gaping. “You thought I’d fall in love with them or something?”

“No,” he trailed. “But that might as well happen with Jake.”

“Wow, you trust him so much,” he taunted, drawling out her sarcasm.

“Seriously, Y/N. Don’t make me regret being lenient,” he scrunched up his face. “And it’s weird enough that I’m having a conversation about love and emotions with you,” he cringed while pulling out his phone. Y/N assumed he was going to call Jake.

She agreed with a tut, hands reaching into her suitcase to find new clothes to wear. Curiosity washed over her and she looked at her brother through her lashes. She licked her lips. “What would you do if something did happen between him and me?”

Her question was unacknowledged because he already had his phone pressed to his ear.

When Jake entered his hotel room, he wasn’t expecting Heeseung and Sunghoon to be sitting on his bed, with looks of what he thought was concern on their faces. He furrowed his brows and tilted his head. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Heeseung replied. “You’re supposed to join us for breakfast in a couple minutes, Jake. Where were you?”

Heeseung and Sunghoon glared at him, though it was unintentional. Jake looked between the pair with hard eyes, contemplating if he could be honest with them. They’d find out, anyway. One way or another.

“I was in Y/N’s room the entire night,” he confessed.

Heeseung’s jaw fell and he stood up, stepping towards Jake. “What, are you her new bodyguard?”

“I guess you could say that,” he shrugged. “But I wasn’t supposed to be in her room.”

That was enough to have Heeseung leering at him, his hands reaching to fist his collar and dared to threaten him. “Listen,” he seethed. “I know Jay won’t literally kill us- his friends- when we mess up but his sister is a different story. He will explode if he finds out-”

“Can you calm down?” Jake pushed Heeseung off of himself, just as annoyed as he was. “I was just in there talking to her,” he defended.

“Without his permission,” Heeseung added.

“He won’t find out unless one of us tells him,” Jake rolled his eyes.

Heeseung looked over his shoulder to connect his eyes with Sunghoon. The pair were worried, for Jake and themselves. They’d keep a secret, no questions asked, but it wouldn’t take long for the situation to unravel and become something more than a mess.

“You’re gonna get caught up with her,” Heeseung warned.

Jake tutted, then scoffed as his hands rested on his hips. “I already am!” He exclaimed. “I’ve been watching over her for years, I know all her schedules and the books she reads like the back of my hand. Can you honestly blame me for wanting to know more?”

Sunghoon sighed, leaving the bed and strolling towards Jake with furrowed brows. “No, I guess we can’t blame you,” he agreed, but the twitch on his mouth told him that he had more to say. “But whatever you do, don’t get yourself in trouble. Don’t throw around Jay’s trust. Don’t fuck yourself over.”

He clapped Jake’s shoulder twice and pursed his lips. Before the conversation could continue further, Jake’s phone rang and he rushed to get it out of his pocket. “It’s Jay,” he mumbled but a part of him knew that he wasn’t in trouble. He ushered the pair in front of him to calm down when he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Are you awake?” Jay’s voice rang loud and clear.

“Wide awake,” Jake answered.

“Good,” Jay said. “Be ready in thirty minutes. My sister wants to go shopping and as much as I dread it, I’ll still have to comply.”

Jake found himself chuckling and the boys in front of him looked at him, confused. “Where am I supposed to take her?”

“I don’t know, a mall? Some shopping street?” The confusion in Jake’s voice was hard to miss. No one could blame him, though. He didn’t know the first thing about letting his sister have fun. “She said something about enjoying the little things in life.”

“Right, got it,” Jake nodded and then hung up the phone.

He ushered Heeseung and Sunghoon out of his room after explaining the schedule for his day. The two boys glanced warningly at him for the last time before Jake shut the door and took a minute to himself. He leaned his back on the door, hands covering his face as he groaned and cursed at himself.

The next half an hour went past like a blur- he wore a shirt similar to the one he wore prior, black pants and leather shoes, a watch to top it all off. When he entered Y/N’s room, he walked into the sight of Jay handing Y/N his credit card. They then turned to him and bid him their greetings.

The rest went downhill from there because he found himself driving to the nearest shopping street. Y/N thought malls were suffocating. He found himself glancing at her while she sat beside him, wanting to reach over and play with the end of her sundress.

Then he found himself carrying at least five shopping bags, filled with cheap dresses and tacky jewellery that looked beautiful regardless- and would certainly look stunning on her. She laughed and giggled and twirled as she skipped down the rocky pavement with a newly bought sun hat on her head. It matched her outfit to a tea.

Jake followed her without complaints. He was annoyed, yes, but that didn’t stop him from smiling at how happy she was. It was like she was on top of the world, exploring for the first time in her life.

“You know, Jay was being nice to me this morning?” She said while walking beside him, a few shopping bags hanging from her forearm too. “Sort of.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jake smirked as she nodded enthusiastically. “What’d he say?”

“Well, he was being his usual overprotective self and all,” she started. “But in like a nice way. A funny, trying to keep it loose kind of way. He was talking about love and all with me,” she glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, waiting for a response.

“I knew he was trying to be open with you but I wasn’t expecting that,” he chuckled. “What’d he say exactly?”

“To not drag you into a mess,” she responded nonchalantly with a shrug.

“Me?” He asked, blinking with surprise as he gripped the shopping bags tighter. “Odd,” he commented.

“I know,” she crooned. “He thinks I’ll fall in love with you or something. I don’t blame him for thinking that but Jay saying it out loud is just weird.”

Jake stared at the ground, swallowing a lump in his throat as he nodded. His hair covered his forehead, rosy red lips threatening to fall into a frown. “Yeah,” he said. “Weird.”

Y/N laughed, apologising for even bringing up the topic and skipping past him and into a cafe. He followed with a groan, padding his way past the door and letting her order whatever it was that she was craving- a cheesecake, blonde brownies and two cups of coffee, one for her and the other for him.

They found a booth somewhere in the corner, against the yellow bricked wall and beside a few potted plants. They rid themselves of the weight of the shopping bags and sat across from each other, sipping their coffees and enjoying the warm blonde brownies and cheesecake.

“Did you enjoy today?” Jake asked while he jabbed his fork into Y/N’s cheesecake.

“Very much,” she grinned, chewing on a mouthful of brownies. “I plan on dragging Jay into my room so I can do a little haul for him. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“He’ll suffer,” he laughed and as did she, agreeing.

“I’m just trying to bond with him,” she reasoned. “He’ll go back to being cold-hearted soon but I plan on breaking that shell,” she smiled proudly.

“Well, good luck on that,” Jake offered. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Hopefully,” she groaned. “I want to have a good relationship with someone from my family,” she grabbed a fork and dug at her cheesecake too.

“You don’t talk to your parents?”

“Nope,” she shook her head. “Jay acts like a messenger between them and me. They basically just handed me over to Jay and said figure it out. I have no idea why but I’m honestly better off,” she explained.

Jake didn’t understand how none of what she said bothered her. Or maybe it did, the indifference of her demeanour just hid it. He didn’t know. “Why are you better off?”

“Because,” she started, running her tongue across her teeth. “My parents are worse than my brother. Jay at least tries to keep me happy. My parents would just throw me in some room,” she cringed.

“They can’t be that bad,” Jake furrowed his brows.

“Fine, maybe I exaggerated,” she confessed. “But they still don’t care.”

“I didn’t know all that,” he waved his at her.

“Oh, really?” Y/N raised her brows in surprise. “I thought Jay would have told all of you.”

“He never talks about it.”

“Don’t blame him for that either.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, shaking the great of his questions out of his head. He blinked and wet his lips. “What else do you have planned for the day?”

“Nothing else, I had my fair share of fun,” she finished the cheesecake. “Why? Do you have something in mind?”

As a matter of fact, Jake did have something in mind. He was going to take her to Museo Cappella Sansevero which wasn’t far from where they currently were. He was going to take her to an aquarium as well and call it an unofficial date.

He’d tell Sunghoon all about how she enjoyed it and how he made her laugh. He’d brag about how he spent an entire day with a pretty girl in a building surrounded by ancient paintings and sculptures and he’d gloat about how he took pictures of her in front of fish tanks.

Well, the fantasy was thrown out the window as the image of Jay’s livid face fogged his head. It was only then that he realised the idea of an unofficial date was foolish. Selfish, too. Y/N might as well have laughed in his face if he carried it out.

So he just shook his head, a tight-lipped smile answering her question. “We don’t have much time before the evening,” he reminded. “We should get back soon so you can torture your brother with your haul.”

That is exactly what she did. She dragged Jay out of his room and into hers and forced him to sit on a chair. Despite his groans, objections and complaints, he still sat with his fingers weaved on his thigh. Y/N put on a parade, showing him the various tops, skirts and dresses she bought.

Jay thought the necklaces and earrings she got were garish. Y/N silenced him and continued gushing. She talked about how warm the sun was and how she talked to the shop owners with the little Italian she learnt in her free time. She told him about the lovely cafe where she and Jake enjoyed a cheesecake and coffee.

“What, like a date?” Was Jay’s response and Y/N threw a pillow at his disappointed face.

“The thought didn’t cross my mind,” she said. “Even if I do end up falling for your right-hand man, you should allow it because you trust him so much-”

“One, don’t cross the line. It doesn’t matter how much I trust him, my ego will still get hurt,” he cut her off. “Two, Jake shall not find out about this conversation,” he held up two fingers. “Three, I’m never talking about love with you ever again. And four, I’m trying to be a better brother so let me.”

Y/N laughed at him, collapsing on her bed as Jay chuckled with her. They couldn’t remember the last time they laughed together, a moment where anger or arguments didn’t come into the way of siblingly bonding.

That smile stayed on her face as she was being guided around the airport, arm linked with her stoic-faced brother who gently sat her down beside him in the charted flight. They didn’t talk. In fact, the siblings enjoyed the comfortable silence between them as one read a magazine and the other sat with earphones plugged.

When they reached home, Jay told her to sleep in her room while he and the rest of the boys dealt with something he wouldn’t tell her about. “You can worry about unpacking tomorrow,” he said and she fell right to sleep.

She thought her sleep schedule would start messing up if she kept waking up in the middle of the night. A creak made her groan awake and as she opened her eyes, she was met by the sight of Jake and his innocent smile.

Y/N tiredly smiled back at him, mumbling out a question that neither of them could comprehend. He chuckled, allowing his fingers to brush away the hair from her face. She rubbed her eyes, pushing herself to lean against her headboard. “What are you doing here?” She murmured.

“Thought I’d wish you a good night,” he whispered back, crouching down to get a better look at her.

“How sweet of you,” she cracked a smile, leaning into the fingers that rested against her cheek. “But you didn’t have to wake me up.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to,” he coyed. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said, reminding himself rather than informing her.

“No, no you’re not,” she agreed. “But now you woke me up and I won’t fall back asleep any time soon,” her expression fell somewhere between a pout and frown and Jake found himself swooning.

“I can’t sleep either,” he shrugged a shoulder, tracing his fingers down her jaw.

Y/N doesn’t respond to that, just smiled warmly and moved enough to push away her blanket. Jake looked at her a little confused, then questioningly but complied anyway. He crawled beside her, meekly moving his arm over her shoulders and she gladly got comfortable.

“If only Jay could see this,” she snorted. “He’d be furious if he saw his right-hand man putting his sister to sleep.”

“Which is why you need to speak a little more quietly,” he uttered, but the pair laughed anyway. They struggled to hold it in and ended up in a laughing mess. But they were quiet enough. Nobody woke up.

“Sorry,” she chuckled. “My sense of humour is broken.”

“Pretty obvious.”

Y/N laughed at that again, one hand covering her mouth and the other lightly hitting his chest. “Oh, my God,” she snickered. “Not laughing is harder than I thought.”

“Tell me about it,” Jake took a deep breath. “But it’s better than lying awake all night with nothing to do, right?”

“Exactly.”

The pair turn towards each other, eyes connecting for only a second, smiles stretching to create a memory that would probably be burnt into their heads. Y/N looks away first, mostly because it was an involuntary action but also because she wasn’t ready to break another rule in one night. Jake took a second, eyes easily gliding down the bridge of her nose to the turn of her jaw. Then he looked away too.

It was quiet for exactly twenty seconds where Y/N thought about what conversation to strike up next while Jake’s head was riddled with ifs and possibilities of what would happen if Jay walked into her room. It was probably not the best thing to think about while her head was nestling into his arm.

“Why do you think Jay is trying to be better?”

Turns out, Y/N was thinking about the same person. A different reason but the same person, regardless. Fear was what she felt, a small dent in her stomach bringing her nerves. She knew what she was doing was wrong, to be letting herself feel so comfortable lying next to someone she acquainted with for less than a week.

“Because you asked him,” he said, though he wasn’t so sure of his answer. “He probably realised that he can’t control you for the rest of your life.”

“I hope so,” she sighed. “I’m turning nineteen soon, I’d like to build a life for myself,” she stated.

Jake shifts his head, eyes glancing at her hair. “When?”

“In a week,” she said, fingers reaching to play with the ends of her hair.

“Oh, Yeah,” he breathed. “I remember.”

“You do?” Y/N shifted her head too and Jake’s chin touches her hair. She doesn’t seem to give a response to the contact but a swarm of butterflies rushed to his stomach and a chill ran down his spine- stark emotions colliding within his body.

“Of course,” he swallowed. “Jay always reminds us. He gets excited.”

“Really?” Her heart swelled, a warmth wrapping around her as she realised just how much her brother actually cared. “I didn’t know.”

“He didn’t want you to know,” he said. “He’d be embarrassed if he found out you knew.”

“I can keep a secret,” she grinned.

Jake grinned back, tightly. “What presents does he give you?”

“A ring,” she simply said and Jake’s brows lifted at the mundane response.

“A ring?”

“Yeah,” she nodded enthusiastically. “Every year since I was three, he buys me a ring for every birthday. I’m going to get the sixteenth one next week,” she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m only realising how much he cares.”

“I don’t blame you,” he cleared his throat, slumping further into her bed. That made her head fall against his shoulder- he had no complaints. “The bad parts overshadow the good parts, most of the time.”

“That’s true,” she nodded.

They were both tired, it was becoming rather obvious. Y/N smacked her lips together, eyes fighting to stay open. But she slipped into slumber, soon enough. Jake didn’t notice until he looked at her again, her breath steady and moonlight highlighting her cheekbone.

He sighed in defeat, slowly sliding his arm away as she fell back on her pillow and Jake slipped out of her bed. He took the liberty to properly drape the blanket over her body, covering her arms and legs equally. She nuzzled into her pillow, humming. He slowly crept out of her room.

The nights leading to her birthday went the same way. She didn’t ask him to, but he’d slip into her room to talk to her every night. He’d blame it on the lack of interaction between them during the day because he was either busy with paperwork or she was given no other choice but to stay in her room.

She usually spent breakfast with Jay, where they would talk about the most random things that came to mind. It was an unspoken rule- for Y/N to never ask about what he did for work every day. She was content enough with laughing and bonding with her brother.

Lunch and dinner, though, she was either sitting alone on the dining table in an empty house or sitting in her room with her face stuffed with food. The tv was usually playing a movie, other times she listened to music.

It wasn’t as depressing as it sounded, the constant loop her life scheduled. Because she had two highlights in her days. One in the morning, where she’d chat with her brother and the other at night, where Jake would lay beside her and keep her company until she fell asleep.

Neither did Jake talk about what he did in his day. He’d usually just tell her the gist- exhausting, boring, typical day for someone who worked in the business he did. With that answer, Y/N had to wonder what it was that she was being protected from, why she was being guarded like a precious gem that could be stolen. She realised she’d rather not know and she’d realised that they’d rather not tell. Living in a plane of oblivion was always better.

He once told her about his life in Australia and how he used to be with his parents and big brother. He talked about his dog, Layla, like he was talking about the love of his life and it made her smile. His accent finally made sense.

Y/N didn’t have much to tell Jake. Her life was boring. She elaborated on Pearl and how Jay had always had a crush on her when they were kids. They collectively made fun of him for sleeping with her even with the knowledge of her marriage.

She also told him how Jay finally told her about Andrei and how he and her dad were childhood friends. Andrei was the reason Jay was part of a mob and he was the reason they got to live in both luxury and misery.

When her birthday finally came, Jake didn’t have the chance to wish her. He knew for a fact that Jay would be surprising her at the stroke of twelve. That was exactly what happened.

Y/N, oblivious to her brother’s plans, was still awake, waiting for Jake to come into her like he was doing for the past week. But it was safe to say that she was much happier seeing Jay tip-toe into her room with a small birthday cake in his palms.

He had an excited smile on his face- a smile she rarely saw- as he sang Happy Birthday. A single candle was lit on the birthday cake and she quickly blew it out. The small celebration happened quietly and lasted until the pair managed to finish the cake. Before he let her sleep, despite knowing it’d be hard with the sugar rush, he handed her a birthday gift.

Another ring, like Y/N wished and expected for. A ring that was shaped with flowers, colourful enamel painted on the petals. “That is the opposite of tacky,” he said and she laughed at his humour.

She was glad that he could freely joke around with her, regardless of the situation.

She didn’t see Jake that entire day because her brother took her out for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t complaining, mostly because she was too engrossed in the empty park they walked around and the empty theatre they watched a movie in.

Regardless of how much Jay was willing to let Y/N have fun, he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to book out entire parks and theatres. He had the money, so why not.

Y/N honestly didn’t care as long as she was with him. She couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed a day out with her brother.

They got home later in the evening and Y/N agreed to stay in her room for the rest of the day. When she walked past Jungwon and Sunoo, they wished her a happy birthday- she smiled gratefully at them, then shut the door of her room and sunk into the white sheets of her bed.

Suddenly it was like her old life chased her down, following the same loop she was so used to. Today was a rare day, a special day that probably wouldn’t be repeating itself until next year. It was just one day.

She wondered if she could plan something special for Jay’s birthday, too.

That night, when the moonlight filtered through her curtains and crickets chirped, Jake snuck into her room again, a determined look on his face. He held something in his hand, hiding it behind his back as he cautiously made his way towards her bed.

“Hey,” Y/N whispered to him, a beaming smile on her face.

“Hey,” he cooed back. “I didn’t get to see you all day,” he said as he slipped under the sheets beside her.

“I was with Jay the entire day,” she explained. “A special birthday surprise,” she jazzed her hands, earning a low chuckle from Jake.

“Before you tell me about it,” he started. “Happy birthday,” he crooned as a finger reached to tap her nose. They smiled at each other, humming. “And I got you something,” he added and pulled out an averagely sized box.

Y/N gasped softly. “You really didn’t have to,” she insisted but he shook his head, ushering her to move and sit in front of him. She complied, both crossing their legs as they sat in front of each other. Jake opened the box to reveal a bracelet, a simple, silver chain that would wrap around her wrist.

“It’s not much, but it’s something you’d like,” he smiled sheepishly.

“You’re right,” she gushed. “I love it.”

“Can I put it on for you?”

She nodded enthusiastically and Jake softly reached for her hands, fingers nimbly wrapping the bracelet around her wrist, cool metal touching warm skin. He was right, it suited her.

“Thank you,” she lifted her hand to ogle at the bracelet around her wrist. “It’s so pretty.”

“Pretty girl deserves pretty gifts,” the words slipped out involuntarily. He played it off with a shrug and leaned against the headboard. Y/N trained her eyes on him, moving closer so that their knees were touching. “How’d your day go, then?”

“Oh, right,” she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Jay came into my room with cake at exactly twelve in the night and then in the morning we went to a park and ate ice cream. Then we went to watch a movie.”

“Jay really did all that?”

“Granted, he did book out the entire park and theatre but it was still fun,” she added, a sly grin taking over her pursed lips.

“That’s the catch I was waiting for,” he laughed. “What about your parents?”

“They messaged me a birthday wish and sent me some money,” she scoffed, darting her eyes away for a brief second. “They act like they’re some distant relative of mine,” she commented.

“At least, you have Jay and me,” he offered. Y/N nodded, agreeing with a minuscule grin.

Silence followed with that. Neither of them were complaining, though, because they just gazed at each other, pupils fighting the dim moonlight. Y/N found it in herself to move her hands towards his, nimble fingers playing with his. She always thought he had pretty hands and she knew how bizarre it sounded.

Jake watched as her hands played with his fingers and recalled how he wanted her to do the exact thing. Her index scaled the span of his palm, then the crevices between his knuckles and veins. She paid so much attention to the one thing she was doing, he found it adorable.

“Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, Jay and I were at each others’ throats?” She mumbled, a light chuckle following her observation.

Jake hummed. “Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, you and I were strangers to each other?” He nodded between himself and her.

“Yeah,” she giggled. “And all it took was for me to be a whiney brat,” she muffled the cackle that left her mouth.

Jake laughed at her, chest rising and falling as he felt his heart race, banging against his ribs as Y/N absentmindedly wrapped her palm around his two fingers. Her delicate, little hand around his. He would curse if he could.

“I’m pleased with the way things turned out.”

While Y/N nodded, Jake let his free hand wrap around her wrist, tugging her towards him. It was clear that she wasn’t expecting it, almost slipping onto his lap. But Jake caught her, his other hand holding her waist as her palms landed on his chest.

He exhaled, chest heaving as her body pressed against his, lips parted. Y/N darted her eyes across his face, flitting to read what he was feeling. “I’m pleased too,” she gulped, smiling ever so lightly that anyone could have missed it.

“Good,” then his fingers were wrapped around her chin, guiding her face closer to his. Their eyes fluttered shut in unison and Jake caught her lips with his.

Y/N wouldn’t say that she felt sparks fly. No, it was something subtler yet more intense. It was like waves of butterflies crashed down on her, the back of her head tingled and her spine would have given up if it wasn’t for Jake holding her tight. As her hand travelled towards his jaw, she felt fire between her fingers.

A moan parted from her throat, her brows furrowing when Jake’s lips parted from her with a wet smack. Y/N’s eyes fluttered open, breathless just as he was. “Was that supposed to be my second birthday gift?”

Jake chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he leaned towards her again. “Take it as whatever you want,” he pecked her, repeatedly, punctuating each with a smile as his hands buried in her hair.

If it weren’t for the air conditioning, she was sure she’d spontaneously combust out of joy, excitement and ardour. She wouldn’t say she was pining over him. Hell, they only started talking a week ago. But a part of her knew he was pining for her, for a longer time than she knew.

He made it quite obvious. He was so nice to her, so caring and endearing. The bracelet as a birthday gift just gave him away. Maybe she was happy, maybe she was scared. She didn’t know which overpowered what as her brain turned into mush while he held her.

All she knew was that she liked him and he liked her. What more could she possibly ask for?

Right. Her brother’s acceptance.

“Shit,” she cursed as Jake’s palm pressed the small of her back, her chest arching into his. He sighed, darting his eyes up and down her face before kissing her nose, and then her cheek and then her forehead but his lips found their way back to hers nevertheless.

“What is it?” He breathed, giving up and resting his chin in the croon of her neck. She slumped against him, her arms latching around his neck and the smell of lavender filled her nose.

“Jay,” she reminded him.

“I just kissed you,” he pointed out. “And you’re thinking of your brother?”

“Exactly, you just kissed me,” she whined. “And if he finds out-”

“How will he find out?” Jake hummed as Y/N pushed herself off him, sitting inches away from his touch. His fingertips traced her cheek, pushing back any strand of hair that covered her face.

Oh, how long he had waited for this exact moment, to have her freely for him to touch. For her hands to explore his face and chest and for his hands to disappear in her hair. But there would always be something stopping him- them.

“I don’t know,” she hissed. “It’s Jay! He’ll find out somehow!”

“Then let’s just hope he doesn’t find out any time soon,” he tried. “I’m not gonna let him ruin this.”

Then Y/N felt butterflies in her stomach again and she fought the smile that threatened to grace her features. Jake didn’t hesitate to grin, pulling her closer to him and letting his hand roam her waist, fingers sliding under her shirt and trailing lines across the band of her pants.

She giggled, lips tracing his jaw and complaint that she felt ticklish. He told her that it was the whole point- she whined as she kissed his jugular. Jake’s hands refused to leave her hips, he held her in place, praying that he could have a few more minutes to spend just like that.

They didn’t know how long they stayed that way, lips on each other’s necks, hands teasing the little exposed skin they could find. But however long it was, nothing seemed to be enough. Jake left her room when Y/N started feeling sleepy. He left with a kiss to her head and mouth and slipped past her door.

She woke up early regardless and she chalked it up to the adrenaline that still surged through her veins. The previous night’s activities dazed her head as she raced down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jay sat at the dining table just like she expected, a plate of waffles with whipped cream sitting in front of him. His attention stayed on his phone, though, even when she settled beside him.

“Good morning,” she sang but received no answer. Well, if she counted a hum as an answer, then so be it.

The cook hurried to hand her a plate of waffles as well and she smiled at him, reaching for a fork and knife. She wasted no time in eating, oblivious to the way her brother’s jaw clenched and unclenched, eyes narrowed to an empty screen on her phone.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?” She chuckled, chewing a mouthful of waffles.

Jay tutted, shaking his head and shoving his phone into his pocket. “I might as well have,” he grumbled. “How does one react to finding their right-hand man sneaking out of their sister’s room in the middle of the night,” and his hand reached for a tissue, wiping it between his fingers.

Y/N stilled her actions, fork falling out of her hand as her eyes connected with her brother. He was truly livid, fires of anger blazing in his eyes as his fingers intertwined under his chin.

“What?” She blinked, a chill running down her spine. Her hand hovered in the air, hair falling into her eyes, mouth agape.

“Don’t play dumb,” he rolled his eyes. “Do you know how angry I was?”

“What did you do?” She panicked, palms pressing against the slick wood of the table. The cutlery shook, her plate might as well have dropped to the floor.

“Yelled at him for a good fucking hour,” he seethed.

“That’s all you did?”

Jay doesn’t respond but takes his knife and fork to his waffles. Y/N watched patiently but it felt like her head could detonate at any given second. The worse possible scenarios crossed her mind- was Jake still his right-hand man?

“He’s still alive, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he said nonchalantly. “He’s not just my right-hand man. He’s my best friend. I’m not cruel enough to kill him.”

If she could, she would sigh out of relief. But more questions surfaced. But she wasn’t in a place to ask him anything. After all, she did betray him.

“Not two weeks and he’s bought you a gift for your birthday and had the nerve to kiss you,” he let out a breath in disappointment. Y/N bowed her head down, embarrassed by just how much he knew. She couldn’t blame Jake for confessing, though. She would have confessed too. “To be fair, it was inevitable, right? Falling for the brother’s best friend- you’ve always been a clichè, right, Y/N?.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, playing with her thumbs. She wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say but it was the only appropriate response she could muster.

Jay ignored her, continuing to eat calmly. The shiny watch on his wrist slid up and down as he moved his arm while eating. Y/N knew her brother well enough to know that he was seconds away from exploding into fury. This was the calm before the storm, for all she knew.

“You’d think that I wouldn’t mind you having a rendezvous with him. You know, because I trust him and whatnot,” he continued, echoing the words she had said to him before. “But that’s the thing. I remember telling you not to drag him into your romantic fantasies,” he chewed on another piece of his waffle.

Y/N sat in her chair shaking, wondering how on earth she messed up so bad. Not two weeks and she had ruined her chance of freedom and a better relationship with her brother. Not two weeks and she proved that she didn’t deserve anything she asked for.

“Now I’m sitting here with my ego hurt. And we all know how I am when my ego is hurt” he reminded. “But I’m torn between minding my own business and doing something about it. So tell me, what should I do?”

It was a rhetorical question. Y/N knew that. She felt like a little girl being scolded by her parents after committing a small crime. But this wasn’t a small crime. It was a mistake that might as well cost her relationship with her brother. So she just sat there and took it. She was on the verge of tears, the corners of her lips twitching downwards.

“Because I don’t want to do something about it. You’re legally an adult. You can do whatever you want, right?” He coaxed, staring daggers into her head. “Right?” Y/N hesitantly nodded as he persisted. “Which means you can take care of yourself. So why need me at all? Why do I have to bend over backwards to do everything in my power to make sure not a hair on your head gets hurt?”

“Jay-”

“I’m doing everything I can to keep you safe,” he said. “But guess what? You aren’t the only one telling me that I’m being unfair. Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jungwon- all of them. I don’t want to know why they have a sudden interest in you and the way I treat you. But call it peer pressure. I was being convinced. And not two weeks, you find a way to make me regret being nice to you.”

“So you only put effort into being a better brother because of them?”

“No, Y/N. Everything I did was so I could call you a sister. So that you could look at me like I’m your brother. Not some monster that locks you up in your room all day,” he insisted, slamming the cutlery in his hands onto the table. “Can you blame me for being angry that you and Jake have your thing going on?”

“No.”

“What am I going to do when you have a falling out? What am I going to do if Jake, my right-hand man, my best friend, is the reason you get hurt?” He retorted, eyes squinting. “I can’t abandon him. Neither can I abandon you, can I?”

“What if we don’t have a falling out?” With the sudden surge of confidence, Y/N spoke back, head tilting at her proposal.

“Funny thing is, Jake said the same thing,” he scoffed. Like on cue, Jake was walking into the kitchen. The fear in his eyes covered by the clench in his jaw and fisted hands. Jay and Y/N turned their heads to look at him. “You did say that, didn’t you, Jake?”

Jake nodded, training his eyes on Jay as Y/N willed herself not to cry. Everything was going to be fine.

“But that’s the thing. Who are you to predict what might happen in the future?” He pursued. “It’s always best to prepare for the worse, right?”

“But why?” Y/N whispered. “Nothing bad will happen- Jay, I like him,” she reasoned. The girl might as well burst into sobs as she pointed between Jake and herself. “You and him are the only people I have in my life.”

“I know,” Jay growled. “That is what leads me to my conclusion.”

Jake and Y/N shared glances, both scared and confused. “What’s your conclusion?” Jake urged.

Silence was what followed as Jay continued eating. All Y/N and Jake could do was stare and wait patiently. This was their punishment, the silence that followed the verdict. The numerous thoughts and possibilities that conjured in their heads.

What could possibly happen now?

The sound of metal clattering with porcelain seemed to be the only distraction. Y/N fought the urge to coax him, force an answer out of him because she swore if she waited any longer, she’d go crazy.

Jay even stood up and kept his plate in the dishwasher. He cleared his throat, dusted his shirt and ran a hand through his annoyingly bleached blonde hair. He glanced at his sister and his right-hand man and gave them a curt not.

“You can do whatever you want.”

Y/N gaped, her jaw might as well have hit the floor, eyes involuntarily widening as she started her brother up and down. It was safe to say Jake gave the same expression, hands hovering in front of him.

“What?” Y/N asked.

“I’m furious,” Jay reminded the pair, the same stoic expression on his face. “But I’ll allow it. You’re so confident in yourselves, right? So be it, I’ll let you two live it down. Call this a test. I was just trying to see if you’re answers would stay the same.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jake stared, stepping closer to Y/N.

“I am being serious,” Jay said simply. “I accept this relationship,” it took every muscle in his body not to cringe.

Then Jay walked out of the kitchen because he didn’t know what he would do if he continued the conversation. Y/N and Jake were left frozen in their spots. They were still confused, puzzled at what just happened. So there was no storm, Y/N thought to herself, and he raged for so long just because he was mad.

Would it be appropriate to cause after her brother and hug him? Probably not the right timing.

She knew how much Jay had to suppress to let out the words he just said. So all she could do was be grateful. Her mouth only closed when Jake touched her chin with his fingers. She blinked, shaking her head and looking at Jake.

“What just happened?” She asked.

“I think we just got Jay’s blessings,” Jake mused, pulling a chair beside her and collapsing in it. A sigh left his lips, hands resting on the table as he tilted his head towards her.

“How are you so calm?”

“Why would I not be?”

Jake looked back to the prior night when Jay had caught him walking out of her room. He looked back to the way Jay seethed at him and spewed words but the tears that brimmed his eyes were unmistakable. Jay wasn’t just angry, he was giving Jake the protective brother talk.

Maybe a part of him saw this coming. Jay couldn’t do anything to stop it. Well, he could turn to physical force but he wasn’t as cruel as people made him out to be. So he wasn’t worried. He knew Jay would come around to it someday, learn to be happy with the way things turned out.

Because the way things turned out wasn’t so bad, after all.

“What did he say to you?” Y/N’s hand moved to rest on his, thumb touching his knuckles. She moved closer to him; Jake chuckled and placed his hand on her knee.

“Not important,” he assured. “But can we just celebrate? This is the best day of my life!”

925 notes · View notes

whambamsami · 11 days ago

Text

say please

summary: you weren't supposed to be in this position. especially not with bucky barnes. but now you're burning, and he's on the other side of the door. silent. fighting himself with every breath. he does his best to stay away, until you say his name.

warnings: 18+, swearing, smut, lowkey a little dubcon, be warned! (also mild breeding and praise stuff LMAO)

note: i haven't written anything in so long!!! been dealing with a breakup haha so this is my attempt at a sex pollen fic!!! i don't love the pacing of this, but i've been obsessed with this trope so i wanted to try my hand :) also not proof read! lmk if there's any typos/plot holes!

The air inside was damp and stale. Thick with dust and the scent of old metal.

“Smells like your room in here,” you muttered, doing your best to distract yourself from the feeling that you’re being watched.

“Cute,” Bucky says dryly, “Just stick close. Try not to get us killed.”

He always did that. Undermined you. Spoke like you didn’t know what you were doing, like you hadn’t wiped the floor with him in hand-to-hand combat since you’d met him. Like you didn’t have the training, the experience, like you didn’t know exactly what the fuck you were doing.

But you were in an old, abandoned HYDRA base, which you could only assume wasn’t exactly Bucky’s ideal trip down memory lane. So you clenched your jaw and continued with your scanning.

You both crept through the ruined hallway, weapons drawn. The flickering of the overhead lights had you gripping your pistol tighter than you’d care to admit.

The hallway stretched before you. Cracked tile, wires dangling from the ceiling, that same mildew-esque air that made you gag.

“Jesus, they couldn’t afford an interior decorator?”

It was like you could see him rolling his eyes from behind.

“They’re war criminals, not the Property Brothers,” he hissed over his shoulder.

“Wow, you know who the Property Brothers are?”

“Just-”, and you’d gotten him riled up enough that he was speaking the tiniest bit louder than he should’ve been, “just stick close, okay?”

“I always stick close,” you muttered, “you’re the one who always runs in like you have something to prove.”

He glanced back at you, lips twitching. “Maybe I do.”

You rolled your eyes.

But your pulse quickened.

You hated how much you liked him like this. Snarky. Cocky. Almost… attentive.

That stupid leather harness, the one that had been added to give him easy access to an extra pistol, that stretched across his broad chest wasn’t really helping either.

Neither did the way that his eyes met yours in the dark. Like he could hear every mortifying thought he drew out of your traitorous mind.

As much as he annoyed you, as much as you sniped and bantered and pushed each other, you were partners. There was no one in the world you trusted more in the field.

That’s why it was so terrifying when you were separated.

Bucky must’ve tripped a security system, because before either of you could react-

Clang.

A metal panel dropped, splitting the hall in two.

And Bucky was gone.

You hear gears grinding against each other, a pop, a hiss from just above you, and you look up just in time to see something drop from the ceiling. A canister, maybe.

Gas erupts in front of you, a pale green mist that you breathe in before you can even register what’s happened.

“Shit!”, you gasp, but it’s too late, “Bucky, I breathed in something-”

He was pounding on the metal, screaming your name with more fear in his voice than you’d have ever heard.

But you didn’t hear him.

Not before everything went black.

You woke up strapped to a cold chair, wrists and ankles aching against the restraint to no avail, a ball of loose white fabric stuffed so far in your mouth you couldn’t even cry for help.

Two men dressed in lab coats were standing in front of you, sickly pale like they hadn’t been outside in ages. HYDRA, presumably. The look in their sunken eyes was eccentric, crazed. They were pacing in front of you nervously, murmuring to each other in a language you didn’t understand. German, maybe.

“...zu hübsch, um es einfach zu töten…” you caught from the taller of the two as they inched closer to you.

The other, shorter man nodded. “Soll sie zuerst für uns tanzen?”

The first man smiled wickedly, reaching into the pocket of his lab coat, pulling out a syringe filled with a pinkish-purple liquid. He stepped close enough that you could smell his breath, see his yellowed snarl, and flicked the needle as he approached.

He fucking reeked.

You surged against your restraints, crying out despite your makeshift muzzle. You wanted it, wanted him, nowhere near you.

But you didn’t have much of a choice.

Ignoring your screams and your desperate attempts to pull away, the man stuck the needle in your neck and pushed, injecting whatever was in that vial directly into your bloodstream.

You couldn’t fight back, could barely move. It was too late. Whatever HYDRA concoction they’d used on you was already in you. You were probably as good as dead.

But he was close enough.

So the second he removed that needle, you clenched your jaw to protect your teeth, reared back, and headbutted him as hard as you could.

You felt the crunch before you heard it.

The man, if you could call him that, reeled back with a grunt, hand flying to his nose as blood burst through his fingers.

“Scheiße!” he managed, stumbling back, crashing into a tray of medical instruments that clattered to the floor.

The other man moved toward you in a blur, striking you hard across the face.

Not hard enough to wipe the defiant smile that you wore through the cloth that gagged you.

“You’ll regret that,” he seethed, voice thickened with whatever accent he had, “You’ll regret that when you’re begging for anything from us-”

He cut himself off. Looked down. And looked back up at you, disbelief in his eyes like you had anything to do with the red that bloomed through the stark white of his lab coat, bleeding through his stomach. His knees folded in, dropping his body limp to the floor.

The other man didn’t have time to turn before he met the same fate, lifeless and forgotten on the ground.

Bucky stood before you, panting, in front of the now-open door, gun still smoking in his vibranium hand.

He walked past you and pointed his gun at the back of the first man, the one who had injected you with something, and shot once, twice, thrice. For good measure.

Blood sprayed on the floor. Silence settled in, the only noise in the room was your ragged breath.

He finally turned to face you.

“Doll”, he murmured. His voice was softer than you’d ever heard it. Raw. Almost panicked.

He dropped to his knees by the chair, eyes raking over you as he made quick work of your restraints.

The welt on your cheek made him pause.

“I’m so sorry, I- “ his hands were trembling, and you weren’t sure if it was from sheer rage or sheer terror, “what did they do to you?”

The moment your wrists were free, you collapsed forward into his chest, clutching that vest like it was a lifeline before you could stop yourself.

“I don’t-” you try, pushing off of him gently, “I don’t know what they gave me”, and your body is slowly starting to betray you, shaking all over, “Bucky, what is this?”

His eyes darted over you, seeing the way your limbs had begun to weaken, and started to look around the room.

The two HYDRA men, bodies strewn on the floor. The empty syringe. The residue of something pinkish-purple still inside.

His blood ran cold.

You felt him tense up in front of you, saw him suck in a breath, like he wouldn’t let himself believe whatever he’d started to piece together.

“Bucky…?”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Tried again.

“I’ve seen this before. And we need to get out of here. Now.”

He knew what came next. The way it tore through a person’s body like a match to gasoline. And the way that you were already clinging to him, thighs twitching, chest heaving-

It was already taking hold.

He had you in his arms before you could protest.

You didn’t even try to. Couldn’t. Your body felt like it was overheating, aching with a need that wasn’t yours, wasn’t fair, wasn’t natural.

Bucky moved fast, cradling you to his chest like you were something delicate, something fragile, not like the battle-hardened woman you’d become over time.

You heard more bodies drop. His boots on the tile. Felt the sunlight on your too-warm body as Bucky cleared whatever dared get in his way.

But all you could think about was the way your thighs kept pressing together, the way your nipples had pebbled, aching against the fabric of your suit. The way his scent enveloped you, something woodsy, with leather and whiskey, and a bit of mint.

“Almost there,” he muttered, almost to himself.

You buried your face in his neck.

It didn’t help.

A small cabin, off the grid. Emergency lights only. Quiet.

You barely remember getting to the safehouse, just the hum of the quinjet, the heat still in your skin.

The last time Bucky had spoken, it was on the quinjet, and it wasn’t even to you. He’d radioed in, murmuring “She’s been drugged. I need an extraction kit and a sterile space. No contact. No questions.”

He spoke like you couldn’t hear him. Like his voice wasn’t the only thing in your mind, the only sound that was permeating the haze that clouded your brain.

When you’d gotten into the cabin, he’d laid you down on the worn-out couch.

The lack of contact with Bucky’s body felt like it physically hurt.

“Fuck,” he muttered, hands in his hair, pacing now, “Fuck, fuck, this shouldn’t have happened, not to you, not now-”

“Bucky…” your voice is shaky now, “What the fuck is happening to me?”

He couldn’t stop pacing. Wouldn’t look you in the eye.

You hated that it hurt, that you wanted him to look at you. Why did you want him to look at you so bad?

“Okay,” and finally, he pauses his pacing, “You deserve to know what this is.”

You look up, desperate to catch his gaze in yours.

He crouched, so you were eye level. His voice was low, but steady, like he had to remove every bit of emotion from his words.

“It’s a…” and he exhales, like he’s forcing himself to finish his sentence, “It’s a heat serum. HYDRA used it on captives, on…me. Some kind of sick breeding attempt.”

He looks away for just a moment. Even though it hurts, you let him, before he continues.

“It makes you desperate for contact. Floods your body with hormones. Dopamine, oxytocin, pheromones- it’s like the most intense aphrodisiac you could imagine. It forces your system into a cycle of arousal and pain. If you don’t get relief, it doesn’t just hurt. It can cause nerve damage, organ stress, seizures” and he swallows, “in some cases, death.”

You would laugh. You would laugh if you couldn’t feel every nerve in your body screaming for something, anything. Anything from him.

So you settled for balling your hands up into fists, stopping yourself from grabbing him, and taking, taking, taking-

“What am I supposed to do?” you whisper.

He looks at you like he was terrified of touching you, of making it worse. Like he didn’t know he was the only man who could save you.

“I’m going to give you space,” he says softly, and you wanted to scream, “I’m going to do everything I can on my end to find a cure. I’ll call Tony, Bruce, I’ll exhaust every resource we have. I’ll stay outside this room. You try to manage it. Breathing. If you want to… touch yourself… you can. If that helps.”

Your cheeks flush even pinker, if that’s possible.

“If- if you need me for anything,” his voice cracked.

“Just say my name.”

You force yourself to nod. Let him close the door behind him, even though it feels like he’s taking all the oxygen in the room with him.

You tried.

God, you tried.

You stripped out of your suit as silently as you could, laid flat on the bed, limbs shaking.

The sheets felt too rough. The air was too heavy. Not heavy enough. You couldn’t tell.

Every inch of you throbbed with need. It felt like your blood was on fire.

It wasn’t just need, not like you’ve ever experienced it. It was like your body was starving.

Your hand slipped between your thighs, and you gasped at just how wet you already were.

But when you touched yourself, when you circled your clit, when you did more, it didn't work. Nothing worked.

Your body would clench around nothing, unsatisfied. Empty.

It didn’t help that the physical embodiment of your antidote was just downstairs.

The serum was absolutely ravaging your body. No matter how many times you could get yourself there, it wasn’t yielding. If anything, it worsened every minute you were without touch.

Without his touch.

You felt pathetic. Like an animal in heat.

You were a complete slave to the serum, and Bucky was here to witness your humiliation.

He could hear you.

You knew he could hear you. His supersoldier serum ensured that he could pick up on every pitiful noise you tried to silence.

He was sitting, back to the wall outside the bedroom, palms flat on the floor. He’d reached out to Tony, to Bruce, and the solutions were all the same.

He’d already known that. Known that reaching out was in false hope that he wouldn’t have to do what he knew he must.

What he swore he would never do to you. Take from you.

He heard everything.

The creak of the bed.

Your soft, frustrated whimpers. One choked sob. His name. Once. Barely audible.

He’d dreamed of you saying it so many times. It was better than he’d imagined, so much better.

But he couldn’t focus on any of that. He was disgusted with himself, horrified at his body’s reactions to the noises you couldn’t help but let slip. The way you couldn’t help but touch yourself, the way you had to give in to HYDRA’s puppeteering.

He wanted you. More than he’d ever wanted you over the past year, and trust him, that was saying something.

And he hated himself for it.

He was in love with you. Of course he was. He had been for months. The way you made him laugh. The way you challenged him. The way you always had his six without question.

But you’d never want him. Not like this.

And even if you thought you did, it wasn’t real. Not under this serum. Not when it came with pain and desperation.

This was not the need that he’d spent countless nights fantasizing that you’d have for him.

He’d rather die than make you feel used.

Even if it killed him not to touch you.

Even if he wanted you so bad it burned.

He was starting to wonder if he’d been slipped some of the serum, too.

You were still in the room. Still unsatisfied. Still empty.

You’d touched yourself until your fingers were sore. Until you were sobbing on the mattress, serum coiling deep in your stomach, a call you couldn’t answer.

Not alone.

It wasn’t enough.

You needed him. You thought of his hands, rough and warm. His voice, his blue eyes, his rare smile.

You wanted him.

Not just because of the serum.

You always had.

The serum just dug up those buried urges and forced them into your mouth.

You felt like your entire body was a live wire. Like you were being ripped open. You knew he was just behind the door, could practically feel his body heat from here,

You knew he would help you, if you asked.

That almost made it worse. That it would be real to you, and to him, it’d be mercy. You’d be a means to an end to Bucky.

You closed your eyes.

Whimpered again.

You didn’t want to be a task. A pity fuck. A problem he needed to solve before it killed you.

You wanted to be wanted.

Your hands slid between your thighs again, useless and shaking. It still wasn’t enough. Your body was screaming, throbbing, wet and desperate for something more. For someone.

You bit your lip hard enough to taste blood. Tried not to cry again.

Don’t say his name. Don’t say it unless you’re ready to mean it. Don’t say it if it won’t mean anything back.

You curled in tighter.

But your body had its own voice now. A louder one.

And when the next wave hit, sharp and devastating, you broke.

“Bucky.”

It came out like a confession.

The door opened so fast it startled you.

He stood there, eyes burning.

Bucky didn’t look calm anymore.

He looked like a man unraveling, like he felt every single feeling that you felt.

He moved before you could breathe again.

“I heard you,” and his voice was hushed, like he thought raising his voice could shatter you, “You said my name.”

You whimpered, nodding pathetically, a weak hand reaching out to him. You didn’t, couldn’t care that you were entirely bare before him. The serum had peeled you raw.

His eyes dropped to your naked, shaking figure, and his whole body tensed.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “You’re…”

He stopped. Like he was catching himself before saying something he shouldn’t, something he wasn’t allowed to.

“You’re really hurting, aren’t you?”

“I need you,” you whispered, not caring about how pitiful you surely looked.

His eyes snapped to yours.

“I want to,” he said, almost brokenly, “God, I want to. You have no idea how bad I want this, want you.”

“Touch me,” and you were pleading now, inching closer to him, “Please.”

He took a step toward you. Then he stopped.

“Not unless you’re sure. Not unless it’s really me you want. Not the serum.”

His hands were clenched, like he was holding himself back.

“It is.”

“You’re sure it’s not just the serum?”

“Yes,” you weakly pushed yourself up on your elbows, voice shaking, “I wanted you before this, Bucky, I did, for so long, but now I feel like I’m gonna die if you don’t touch me, and I need you-”

He crossed the room before you could finish. And finally, he cut you off with a searing kiss.

You couldn’t count the times you’d tried to force your body to comply with your fingers, to just let you finish after you’d been trying for what felt like days.

Bucky’s lips on yours felt indescribably better.

He was on his knees in front of you, his vibranium hand tangled gently in your hair, the other arm wrapped around your waist, holding your exhausted body up.

He tasted like mint, like liquor, like something you couldn’t give a fuck about because he was kissing you-

Bucky pulled back to rest his forehead on yours.

You hated the way you wanted to cry at the loss of contact.

“If you tell me to stop,” and you could feel his warm breath on your lips, could still taste him, “I will. Even now. Even if it kills me.”

“I won’t,” you promised, hands cupping his face, fighting your need to force him back into a kiss as much as you could, but you knew he could smell how bad you needed this.

You thanked God when he kissed you again.

Hungrier, this time. The both of you. His hands were everywhere on you. His flesh hand pressed your hips into him as he climbed on top of you, the metal of his left hand grazing your stomach as it made its way up to cup your breast. The coolness of the vibranium on your feverish body made you gasp into him. You swear you could feel him smile against your lips before he slipped his tongue into your mouth, letting his thumb sweep across your pebbled nipple as he rolled his clothed hips expertly into yours.

You clutched his shirt, pulling him in deeper, wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him back into you, making the both of you whine.

“I know, baby, I know,” he murmured against your lips before working his way to your neck, licking and nipping softly like he wanted to know exactly how to pull those noises out of you, “Let me help you. Let me make you feel good, yeah? You gonna let me?”

You didn’t answer, hands tugging the bottom of his shirt up, mouth wide as you exposed more of his body to your greedy eyes.

He pulled back just for a second to relieve himself of his clothes, and the feeling of his skin against yours was dizzying when he lowered himself back onto you, letting his weight pin you down as the mattress creaked beneath him.

His hands were on you, sliding down your waist, anchoring you, holding you like he was starving. He pushed you back against the pillows slowly, watching you like you were sacred, like you’d disappear if he blinked too hard.

“You’re burning up,” he whispered, brushing sweaty hair from your face. “You poor thing.”

“Bucky, please-”

“I’ve got you now,” he murmured, trailing kisses down your jaw, your throat, the curve of your collarbone. “Not gonna let you hurt anymore.”

You gasped when his lips closed around your nipple-hot, gentle, then rough when he sucked. Your back arched. Your thighs squeezed around his hips.

He groaned. “So fucking sweet.”

His hands slid lower, down your ribs, across your hips, to your thighs. He spread you open slowly, reverently, even as your body shuddered beneath him.

“Oh my God-” he hissed, staring at you.

You were absolutely soaked. Could feel yourself running down your thighs, spilling onto the bed.

“Bucky, I-” You couldn’t finish. Couldn’t form words with the way you were throbbing, clenching around nothing.

“I know, baby,” he whispered, thumb stroking your inner thigh. “I know, you’re so full of it, huh? You need someone to take care of you.”

He pressed his forehead to your stomach. “I’ll take care of you.”

And then his hand was on you, fingers sliding through your slick, his touch so careful, so maddeningly slow.

You whimpered, hips bucking.

“Easy, sweetheart,” he murmured, teasing your clit with slow, delicious circles. “Let me learn you.”

You gasped his name when he slid one thick finger inside you.

“Jesus,” he rasped, watching your body arch,“So fucking tight. You’re clenching so hard for me.”

“More,” you begged, “Please, Bucky-more.”

“Look at you,” he groaned, adding a second finger,“You were made for me.”

He fucked you with his fingers until you were crying, leaving soft kisses on your puffy clit until until your thighs were shaking and you were clutching his wrist and sobbing his name like a prayer.

But it wasn’t enough.

You needed more.

And he felt it.

“What do you need, sweetheart? and he nipped at your inner thigh to make you hiss before leaving a kiss on your knee, “Let me help you, yeah?”

“You,” you sobbed, “Please”

He sucked your clit in one last time before he leaned back on his heels, gazing down at you like you were on display just for him.

You moaned at the sight of him.

He knelt between your quivering legs, lining himself up, his cock thick and heavy, weeping and dark with need.

“You tell me if it’s too much,” he murmurs.

You nod, knowing nothing from him will ever be too much.

“Say it,” and he sounds just as desperate as you feel, “Please, I need to hear you say it.”

“I will,” and your voice is absolutely wrecked.

That was all he needed.

He pushed in.

The stretch made you cry out.

Not from pain. From relief. Your body was finally getting what it needed. What it had begged for.

Bucky groaned low, forehead dropping to your shoulder.”

“Fuck, so tight-” he panted, “So fucking wet, so warm-”

You’re whining beneath him, ankles locked behind his hips, nails digging into his back.

“Please.”

He looked at you like you hung the stars.

Then he started to move.

He started slow.

It didn’t last.

The second you moaned, high and broken and so desperate, he snapped.

His thrusts went hard. Deep. His fingers curled around your thighs, dragging you closer, pulling you apart, angling just how he needed, until every stroke had you crying out into his neck.

You were pulsing so tight around him he could barely breathe.

“Fuck-” he growled into your skin, teeth grazing your throat, “You’re- Jesus, you’re perfect- taking all of me so fuckin’ good-”

You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think.

All you could do was feel. The weight of him over you. The stretch, the pulse of him inside of you. The heat rolling off of both of you. The roar in your blood.

Every time he pulled back and slammed into you again, your body lit up like fire. You clung to him, heels dragging him deeper.

He groaned. Raw and wrecked. Like it was killing him. Like he needed it more than you did.

“You feel too fuckin’ good- too fuckin’ tight around me-”

You sobbed his name, head falling back against the pillows.

He chased every sound you made.

One hand slid between your bodies, his thumb rubbing rough circles over your clit.”

“That’s it, baby, give it to me,” he purred, “Come on, show me how bad you need it, don’t you need it, baby?”

Your whole body tensed.

You shattered.

Your orgasm hit so hard it knocked the breath out of you.

Everything you’d been working your body toward for the last few hours peaked.

You screamed his name, arching into his touch, walls fluttering around his cock in hot frantic pulses.

And that was it for him.

“Oh, fuck-”, he moaned, hips speeding up even more.

“Gonna fill you up, yeah? You gonna let me fill this pretty pussy up, sweet girl?”

He eased a thumb past your parted lips, forcing your hazy eyes to look at him as you sucked.

“You gonna let me? You want me to, don’t you? You want me to pump you full?” he cooed, and you weren't sure if you nodded on your own accord or if he used his thumb to ease your head up and down.

“Yeah?” he murmured, voice thick and low as sin, “You gonna let me do that, sweetheart? Let me fill you up nice and deep?”

His thumb brushed under your chin, tilting your slack, blissed-out face up to meet his.

“You want that, don’t you? Want me to pump you so full you feel me for days?”

You whimpered, helpless, your body barely moving except where he moved it, his hands guiding you up and down his cock like you were nothing but pliant heat and want.

“Good girl,” he purred, and his grip tightened just a little, possessive and reverent all at once. “You don’t even have to answer- I can feel how bad you need it.”

His vibranium hand moved to rest on your lower stomach, and you felt him even more than before.

“You feel that?” he groaned, breath stuttering, dragging you down onto him so slow and deep you could feel every inch of him stretching you open, “That’s me. All of me, sittin’ so fucking deep inside you- fuck, baby…”

You choked on a moan, barely holding your eyes open, muscles trembling, brain gone fuzzy from how full you felt.

“Look at you,” he rasped, rocking his hips up into you, sharp and controlled, “So fucking perfect. So tight and wet around me. You’re taking me so good, like this pussy was made for me.”

He gripped your hips tighter, pulling you down harder. “God, you were made for me, huh? You feel it too. I know you do.”

“Bucky-” you gasped, eyes rolling as his cock brushed that devastating spot inside you.

“Shhh,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your jaw, still fucking up into you, slow but relentless, “I’ve got you. You just take it, sweetheart. Let me give it to you.”

His hand slid between your legs, thumb rubbing circles over your clit. Fast. Focused. Filthy.

You cried out, body jerking, the pleasure coming too fast, too sharp.

“There she is,” he breathed, voice hungry. “You’re gonna come for me again, aren’t you? Gonna come all over my cock while I fill you up-fuck, yeah, that’s it-”

“Please,” you whimpered, brain gone, body twitching under him.

“You want it?” he growled, holding you flush to him now, one hand behind your back, the other rubbing your clit like he owned you. “Want me to stuff you full? Fill this perfect pussy until you can’t think straight?”

You sobbed.

“Beg for it, baby,” he said darkly, lips brushing your ear. “Tell me you want me to breed you. Tell me you want to be mine.”

“Yours,” you gasped, desperate, shaking, not even sure what you were begging for anymore, “Yours, please, Bucky, please-”

He let out a guttural sound.

Then he slammed into you one last time, burying himself to the hilt, and came with a groan so raw it made you clench around him like a vice.

“Fuck- take it-take all of it-”

Hot, thick pulses spilled into you, flooding your core, his hands holding you tight as you cried out and came again, your body milking every drop of him like you never wanted it to end, so much of him that you overflowed, could feel it seeping out of you.

You collapsed against him, boneless. Spent. Whimpering through the aftershocks.

And still, he held you. Stroking your back, whispering into your skin.

“You did so good for me, baby…So fuckin’ good. So beautiful. Mine.”

ok all done! just absolutely horrifying that im posting this on fathers day huh LMAO

#bucky barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barns imagine #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes smut #sex pollen #sexpollen!bucky

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b1adie · 1 year ago

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ok so we know trailblazer travelled with the stellaron hunters before the story. they’re the ones that drop them off at the space station, silver wolf is really friendly with them, and blade outright says it in kafka’s companion mission.

so looking back, firefly’s reaction to seeing trailblazer for the “first” time makes a lot of sense

thats not some way you’d react to seeing a stranger yk… the surprise and then happiness and immediate familiarity makes way more sense now

and ofc theres these lines… we meet again, as always, as ever, etc…

i was looking at the last page of the dreamscape pass earlier. there’s a sticker about meeting her.

… and then there’s this one, too.

and its KILLING me. like ok. they were in love? and trailblazer had to have their memories wiped? it makes everything make more sense in retrospect and it also makes it hurttttt. and like i love that trope, person forgets everything but still has this seeimingly-unexplainable fondness towards their partner..

do you think seeing the person she loves again was part of those “great rewards” elio promised her.

#do you get it. i’m going to blow up. we dreamed we were strangers but we always loved each othwr. FUCK #honkai star rail #stelfly #stellefly #firefly hsr #fireblazer #hsr #firefly #stelle hsr #caefly #my screenies

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ghostedgwen · 2 months ago

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get away with it | j.potter

note : Thank you all so much for 1k followers! I returned to this acc with 500 followers and I am so happy to be back and have more people consuming my work, I am very honoured and I appreciate each and every single one of you lovelies!! Enjoy this 7.4k words fic!

warnings : enemies to lovers but literally, mention of quidditch accidents, some sprinkle of angst and overthinking, fake dating trope question mark, another amnesia trope from me lol, this is just putting a spin on "but I knew you", fluff here and there

You, a Slytherin, has always had a crush on James Potter, but the Gryffindor’s disdain for Slytherins has always kept them apart. After taking a Bludger for him, you wake up with memory loss, believing you’ve been dating for months. James, feeling guilty, plays along - and soon realizes his feelings are real.

. . . Even if it's a false god, we'd still worship this love.

The air is thick with adrenaline, the wind biting against your skin as you zoom across the Quidditch pitch, your broom humming beneath you.

It’s Gryffindor versus Slytherin, and the match has been a war of wits, brooms, and strategy for the past hour. Your team is ahead by a handful of points, but that could change if they get the snitch first.

You spot James Potter, soaring through the air, the Quaffle clutched firmly in his hands, a look of determination painted across his face. A few feet ahead of him, you can see the hoop, and his grip tightens.

He’s winding up. He’s about to make a move that could turn the match on its head, a switch on the Slytherin's score-streak momentum.

He’s so focused, so sure of himself, it almost makes you want to laugh. Almost. You push that thought aside as your broom speeds up, weaving through players with effortless precision, avoiding the occasional Bludger like it’s second nature.

You’re getting closer and closer - then, like a hawk in flight, you dart in from the side, cutting across James’ path just as he’s about to release the Quaffle. He doesn’t even see it coming.

You snatch the ball clean out of his hands, the air whooshing with the shift of momentum, and in one fluid motion, you’ve already turned your broom, angled yourself toward the opposite hoop, and launched it with the precision of a seasoned player.

The Quaffle sails through the air, a perfect arc - missed by the Gryffindor Keeper situated by the goals.

The crowd erupts into a deafening roar as it hits the middle ring, earning you another point. Another goal! You’re on fire today!

You hear James shout, appearing to have chased after you.

"Oi! You absolute snake - !"

You can’t help the smirk that spreads across your face as you turn back to face him. You give him a playful wink, one that’s meant to get under his skin, and watch his face twist in frustration.

He’s still mid-air, staring at you like you just stole his favourite broomstick. But the game’s not over, and you’ve got a lot more tricks up your sleeve.

The match rages on, but for a brief moment, your focus is entirely on the scowling Gryffindor in the air just a few yards away. His lips are curled into an exaggerated frown, his eyes locked onto you, and for a second, you almost feel guilty.

Almost.

The game eventually comes to a close, Gryffindor with the win - their seeker was good, the snitch was theirs despite your best efforts.

You wipe the sweat from your forehead and pull your broomstick to the ground with a sharp turn. Your feet hit the grass just as the opposite team celebrates.

But in the back of your mind, you can’t quite shake the image of James, still looking irritable, as if the world had wronged him in the most personal way possible.

The Gryffindor common room was a whirlwind of laughter, music, and the distinct scent of butterbeer. The Slytherins had been crushed in the Quidditch match, much to all their delight. Everyone was celebrating, except for James Potter.

Sirius, perched on the armrest of an old armchair, eyed his best mate with a raised brow. James, of course, was fuming. His usual smug grin was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he slouched in a corner, nursing his third glass of firewhisky, shooting daggers at anyone who so much as breathed near him.

“What’s his deal?” Sirius muttered to Remus, leaning back with his own drink in hand.

Remus, who had been watching James carefully, didn’t respond immediately. His eyes flickered to their friend, noting the clenched jaw and rigid posture that screamed irritation.

“I think he’s pissed that the Slytherin chaser outplayed him. You saw how she snatched that Quaffle away from him at the last minute. Couldn’t even get his head in the game after that,” Remus said carefully, offering the most surface-level explanation he could muster.

Sirius snorted. “I mean, she did. But that’s just good Quidditch. Nothing to mope about.”

Remus shrugged, his gaze never straying too far from James. “James is a sore loser.”

“Tell me about it,” Sirius laughed, taking a swig from his glass. “But still, we won, right? Why’s he acting all prissy about it?”

Peter, ever the quiet one, spoke up from where he was sitting on a nearby couch, eyes wide and contemplative. “I don’t know, mate. Maybe he hates Slytherins that much?”

There was a long, quiet pause. Remus didn’t immediately answer, though he was the first to register the true nature of James’ sour mood.

He didn’t want to say it out loud, but he suspected it was something a bit more complicated than just house rivalry. Instead, he simply offered a nonchalant smile and shifted his focus back to the conversation.

Sirius wasn’t convinced. “You think that’s it? The girl was good, sure, but it’s not like she - ”

“Yeah, it’s probably just that,” Remus said, cutting him off with a casual shrug. He kept his tone light, but inside, he felt a quiet certainty that there was more to James’ behaviour than he let on. He wasn’t going to say it out loud, though. Not with the others around.

Sirius laughed. “I mean, sure, mate. That’s it. James can’t handle a Slytherin getting one up on him.”

Peter was silent for a moment, looking from Sirius to James, before murmuring softly, “I guess he does hate Slytherins that much.”

Remus didn’t say anything, watching James from the corner of his eye. There was something else there, a tightness in James’ posture that went beyond simple frustration with Quidditch.

He wasn’t sure what it was yet - something that had been simmering beneath the surface for a while. But for now, Remus kept his thoughts to himself.

James was still sulking in his corner, his mood not shifting in the slightest as the others celebrated their victory.

Breakfast in the Great Hall was a typical morning at Hogwarts: the usual clatter of plates, chatter of students, and the distant hum of the enchanted ceiling reflecting the perfect, cloudless sky.

The Gryffindor table was bustling with energy, while the Slytherins sat in their usual corner, their conversation much quieter but just as intense.

You were seated with your friends, picking at your toast while engaging in a quiet conversation about upcoming exams. It was supposed to be a peaceful morning - until he appeared.

James Potter, as always, made his grand entrance with his usual swagger. The moment he entered, the Gryffindor table broke into loud applause and wolf-whistles, making a scene as he passed. His robes flared dramatically as he strutted toward his seat, clearly feeding off the attention like a cat basking in the sun.

As he walked past the Slytherin table, he caught your eye - of course, he did. And, of course, he couldn’t help himself.

“Can snakes even fly without broomsticks, or do they just slither off the pitch?” he called, loud enough for everyone in the Great Hall to hear. His voice carried, his smirk practically glowing.

The room went silent for a split second as everyone turned to see your reaction. Some of the Gryffindors laughed. Sirius and Peter snickered in the background, while Remus raised an eyebrow, looking at James as if he were disappointed.

But you didn’t flinch. In fact, you didn’t even look up from your pumpkin juice. Your voice was cool, casual as you glanced at James over the rim of your cup.

“At least I don’t need a fan club to tell me I’m good, Potter,” you fired back without missing a beat.

A ripple of laughter ran through both tables. You could hear Sirius' boisterous laugh mixing with Lily Evans’ faint chuckle, while James froze mid-step. His eyes widened slightly before narrowing into a sharp glare.

Sirius' laughter came louder, and Remus, who had been looking at his plate in feigned disinterest, stole a glance at James. He bit his lip, clearly fighting back a smile.

James was already scowling, muttering something under his breath about Slytherins and their “sharp tongues,” but the flush in his cheeks betrayed his frustration. For a brief moment, his bravado faltered as he tried to regain his footing, but the damage was done.

You took another slow sip of your pumpkin juice, hiding the tiny, almost imperceptible smile behind your cup. No one could ever accuse you of letting James Potter get under your skin.

But damn, it did feel good to get that shot in.

Across the room, the Gryffindor table was still buzzing with energy, half of them chuckling and whispering about your quick retort. James, in contrast, looked like he might start throwing punches - or, more realistically, make a big fuss about how much he hated Slytherins.

“Whatever,” James muttered, adjusting his robes with a dramatic flick. He sent one last, fierce glare your way, but you didn’t acknowledge him. You didn’t need to.

You were just finishing up with your Slytherin teammates, your broom resting on your shoulder as you made your way off the pitch.

The Gryffindor team was up next, and you could already hear the familiar shouts and laughter as they geared up. You had no interest in sticking around to watch them practice, but fate had other plans.

As you were passing the edge of the pitch, James Potter - grinning like a bloody idiot - caught sight of you. With a swagger in his step, he slowed to a halt in front of you.

“Ah, Slytherin, leaving the pitch so soon?” he said, his voice dripping with sarcastic amusement. “Did you get bored? Or are you just too tired from losing to keep up?”

You rolled your eyes, not even flinching at his comment. “You’re the one who should be tired, Potter,” you shot back, crossing your arms, your voice sharp. “I can barely hear you over your ego. Is it so big it needs its own broomstick?”

The grin on his face faltered just slightly, but he recovered quickly. “Oh, you’re a funny one, aren’t you? Just wait ‘til we’re flying circles around you lot. You might actually need a few lessons in humility.”

You raised an eyebrow. “And I suppose you’re the expert on humility? That’s rich.” You turned to walk away, your heart picking up pace from the little banter session. Just before you could slip out of earshot, though, he called after you.

“You should stick around, you know. Maybe I can teach you a thing or two about how to lose gracefully.”

You couldn’t help the grin that tugged at your lips, but you didn’t turn around. “I’m sure you’d love to think that. You can add it to your long list of things you’ve convinced yourself you’re good at.”

James chuckled to himself, his voice following you as you walked. “I’m sure it’s a very long list,” he said, before you heard the distinct sound of him flying off into the air, clearly taking his place for Gryffindor practice.

Later, in the privacy of your dorm, you were fuming as you sat down at your desk. The ink of your quill scratched against the parchment as you wrote in your journal, your frustration and thoughts spilling out onto the paper.

James Potter is so annoying, you wrote. He’s mean, he’s smug, and he thinks he can get under my skin with every little comment he makes. I can’t stand him. He’s got no manners, no decorum, and he’s completely unbearable. And yet. . .

You stopped for a moment, the quill hovering above the page as a little sigh escaped your lips. Your mind drifted back to the image of him, standing there with that cocky grin of his, wearing his Gryffindor Quidditch robes, his messy hair falling just right, the way he always seemed to be so effortlessly confident.

But - Merlin, I hate how handsome he looks in those bloody robes. It’s infuriating.

The quill scratched across the parchment again, your irritation and attraction clearly at war with each other.

I hate him. I really do. But I also find myself thinking about him way more than I should. I need to stop. I need to forget about him. He’s a prat, and I’ll never let him get the satisfaction of knowing he’s got me swooning. Not happening.

You threw your quill down on the desk with a huff, letting the ink dry for a moment before you closed your journal with a snap.

I need to stop being so damn dramatic about him, you thought to yourself but deep down, you knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

The match was already brutal. Fouls left and right. The ref was on their fifth warning and clearly one whistle away from walking off the pitch. You couldn’t tell if the Slytherins were being especially aggressive or if the Gryffindors were just extra annoying today.

Probably both.

You were tired. Rain clung to your gear. And your ribs already ached from the last hit you took - legal, technically and almost threw you off the pitch.

James Potter was flying ahead of you, weaving around two of your teammates with a Quaffle under his arm and that stupid determined smirk on his face. Of course he was going for the game-winner. Always had to be dramatic about it.

Then you saw it.

The Bludger came from behind him. Fast, too fast that even Black was unaware of it fast-approaching.

You didn’t think. Just turned your broom hard and bolted. Calling after him, and hearing your panicked voice - he turned just in time to see the bludger hit you square in the head.

There was a thud - loud, sickening. The air knocked right out of your lungs as it slammed into you from behind. Pain bloomed sharp and sudden. And then - nothing beneath you.

You were falling, your grip loosening from your broom. Someone shouted. Not your name - just a noise, sharp and panicked.

Your broom tumbled somewhere behind you. The world tilted. You only vaguely registered someone catching you - arms around your middle, weight shifting, fast descent.

The ground rushed up, you couldn't really see it but you can feel the gravitational pull. The bed of grass was prepared to catch you, despite how hard the impact.

But somehow, the hit never came - the pain was nowhere to be found. You felt hazy, unsure what you were seeing but you heard James loud and clear as you slipped into the darkness.

“Oi. Hey - hey! You okay? Merlin - stupid, why would you - ” His voice cracked, a little too human for someone who never shut up.

Your eyes flutter open to a ceiling that is too bright, too still to be the Slytherin dorms. Your body registers the ache before your brain does: a deep, heavy soreness that drapes over your limbs like a wet cloak.

Your head feels thick, full of fog and cotton, and every blink sends a ripple of discomfort across your skull. You groan, quietly.

And then you notice him.

James Potter, slumped in a hideously uncomfortable-looking wooden chair pulled close to your bedside. His robes are wrinkled and still grass-stained from yesterday’s match, and one of his shoes is untied.

His head is tilted back, lips parted slightly as he dozes - not peacefully, but with the edge of exhaustion that comes from refusing to sleep until your body gives out.

You stare and you blink again, slowly.

Then, like a fool possessed, you smile.

“Morning, love,” you rasp.

Your voice is rough, stretched thin from disuse or potion residue or both, but it cuts through the quiet like a spell. James startles, jerking upright in the chair with a graceless grunt that’s halfway between a gasp and a snort.

His eyes snap to yours, wide and dark behind askew glasses, and for a second - just a second - his expression is unfiltered.

Relief? Surprise? Something brighter, softer, tangled up in the panic.

“You - you’re awake,” he says, voice cracking slightly. “You’re okay?”

You nod, a little woozy, still squinting at him through the morning haze. “You stayed the night?”

James pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, suddenly bashful. “Err, yeah. Just to, y’know. Make sure you were alright.”

You grin, loopy from concussion and the very strong potions likely coursing through your bloodstream.

“That’s so sweet,” you murmur, completely sincere. “My boyfriend looking after me, I'm a lucky girl.”

James goes still, trying to absorb your words like it was a wand being jabbed to his sides. As if someone cast a Full Body-Bind, or rather - petrified.

His mouth opens, then closes. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, something that might have been a protest in another life, but right now just sounds like a dying creature.

“Wait, you - ” he starts.

And then.

“Good to see you awake, Miss ____,” comes Madam Pomfrey’s voice, brisk and efficient as she sweeps over to your bedside with a clink of glass vials. Her presence is somehow louder than it should be, breaking the fragile spell in the air.

James goes rigid, unable to say anything now. You blink up at Pomfrey with a dazed little smile. “Morning, Madam.”

The matron clicks her tongue, checking your temperature with the back of her hand before uncorking something bright blue. “You gave us quite the scare. That was a nasty hit but you’re healing well. No permanent damage. A bit of rest, and you’ll be back on a broom in no time.”

You nod, still vaguely smiling, even as she pours the potion into a silver spoon and guides it to your lips. It tastes like burnt peppermint. You don’t mind.

Beside you, James hasn’t breathed.

You reach out, unthinking, and wrap your fingers around his. “You’re warm,” you murmur. “Don’t go anywhere.”

He doesn’t.

“You WHAT.”

Sirius Black is staring at James like he’s grown two heads. Which, frankly, isn’t the most absurd thing James has done this week.

“It just slipped out!” James hisses, pacing in front of the fireplace like a man possessed. “I didn’t mean to lie! I tried to correct her, but then Pomfrey walked in and - and she was smiling like I’d hung the bloody moon, alright? I couldn’t just say ‘actually no, I’m not your boyfriend’ while she was still all loopy from taking a bludger for me!”

“So instead,” Sirius says slowly, dramatically, “you decided to pretend to be dating a girl who you sore you hated. Brilliant plan.”

“I don't hate her,” James mutters, crossing his arms.

Peter looks up from the couch, one brow raised. “She’s a Slytherin chaser who calls you ‘preening ponce’ and once hexed your broom mid-air.”

James waves a hand. “Nothing I can't handle.”

There was a pregnant pause between the Marauders, then Remus hums. “Sure.”

James groans and collapses into the armchair next to Peter, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m going to fix it. As soon as she’s up and thinking clearly. I’ll explain everything.”

“But until then,” Sirius grins, “you’re just going to enjoy being her loving, doting boyfriend?”

“No!”

“Just a little bit?”

James doesn’t answer.

Because the truth is: when you looked at him this morning like he was someone worth waking up to - even just for a moment - he didn’t feel like the villain in your story.

He felt like something softer. And Merlin help him, he wants to feel that again even if it’s only pretend.

James couldn't undo it now even if he tried, that much was evident when you were released from the hospital wing the following day. You showed up like nothing happened, brushing off people who were concerned for the Quidditch mishap - making a beeline for James.

He froze in his seat as you approached and leaned to level gazes with him as he sat upright across Sirius who threw an exasperated look his way, not at all masking the surprise.

"Good morning, Jamie," he almost choked at the nickname. "Madam Pomfrey said I'm all good to go, so we still on for Hogsmeade?"

He tenses, eyes darting around his friends as if they could help him out of the situation he's gotten himself into - but no, Peter only gawked with his jaw slack and completely ignored the looks Remus sent his way.

They were failing miserably.

"Hogsmeade?" James asked, voice somehow higher than normal from his panic. He clears his throat. "Right, Hogsmeade - shall I pick you up from the dungeons?"

You laugh, crinkling your nose. "No thanks, my house mates would hate that," you kiss him on the cheek, ignoring the gasps from onlookers (in your memory, it was always like this), "I'll meet you outside Honeydukes."

James has completely shut down from the sudden kiss, only nodding slowly in a daze as you then walked away to go your table. Your house mates could tell something was wrong after that hit you took.

But given their nature, they shrugged it off and resorted to treating you normally - looking away despite the questions swirling in their heads.

You were never one to make announcements, you kept to yourself and your journal they'd see you write in. They'll most likely whisper gossips, but that's for when you're out of earshot.

You are breakfast like normal, like the world hasn't suddenly shifted and titled around you. Because in all honesty, it hasn't. To you, it's just another breakfast in Hogwarts, maybe for lunch you'll join James at his table.

It was killing him, dramatically speaking. James has spent nearly 3 days now playing the part of a perfect boyfriend. He'd walk you to classes, sit with you in the library while you do work and even eat at the Gryffindor table with you during meals.

Those were all things he thought a good boyfriend would do, so he did them and you fell so well into the waltz that it seemed like it had been going on for months.

In your mind, it is - to him, it has been 3 very weird days.

The other Marauders have been doing their part - barely. Remus just keeps to his books to avoid inserting himself in the narrative, Peter just watches in surprise and Sirius is always laughing and sending meaningful one-liners to James.

For the most part, it was managable. That was until you started getting all sweet and touchy with him. To you, it was normal and you've done it so many times but to him, he's never even properly snogged a girl before!

One morning, you greet him with a kiss on the cheek again and settle on the space next to him. Sirius Black looked like he had won the Quidditch cup, Remus rolls his eyes and slides over a galleon he plucked from his pocket.

You ignored the exchange and focused on James who stuttered greeting you.

Then, during the shared Potions class, you partnered with him as Sirius Black so generously offered up James on a silver platter to you. You accepted, delighted.

You then got tasked to brew a Calming Draught. One he badly needed, if he do say so himself. He fell into a rhythym with you quite easily, to his surprise.

You would prepare the ingredients while he read off the instructions and mixed the cauldron. You eyed him, watching him work with a smirk playing on your lips.

"All that Quidditch truly does wonders to your arms, Jamie," You tell him with a wink and he almost knocks the entire cauldron over. He looked away to clear his throat and ignore the head spreading from his neck to his face.

Merlin, she's too much, he thought to himself.

Quidditch was terrifying, to say the least. After your accident, he was not too keen on letting you get on the broom again.

You were arguing over it during breakfast, both of you already in your Quidditch inner wear. Your colors clashed but no one seemed to mind at this point.

Too many things went on in the castle that your sudden dating announcement was the least of the most thrilling gossip lately. They were now talking about some Prefects caught in the bath together or whatever that was.

"You're barely recovered from getting hit by a bloody Bludger," James narrowed his eyes, shaking his head at you, "you're not playing again."

You scoff at him, taking a swig of your pumpkin juice. "Last I checked, you're my boyfriend and not my Mum," you roll your eyes, "besides, I was cleared by Pomfrey."

"Why are you so stubborn?" James asked, sighing in defeat.

Remus chuckles from where he sat, watching you two. James threw him a look, "Got something to say, Moony?"

"Nope, just enjoying whatever this is."

You smile at Remus then turns back to James. "Stop being dramatic, what are the odds of me getting hit by a Bludger again?"

"According to how dangerous Quidditch is, I'd say likely," Remus spoke up. You pout at him.

"You're supposed to be on my side."

He raises his hands in mock surrender, then Sirius appeared. Barely wearing his uniform properly, necktie crooked as he dropped next to Remus.

"What did I miss?" He asked, winking at Remus who showed disgust at his current disheveled state.

"They're arguing," Remus quipped. "Prongs doesn't want ____ to play because of the accident - "

"He's being dramatic." You cut in with a roll of your eyes again.

Sirius's lips stretch out into a shit-eating grin. "Aww, how sweet. Our Prongsie being a protective, worried boyfriend!"

James has never wanted to hex his best mate more.

Despite James's protests, the Quidditch drills went well. You were back to being the amazing chaser you were, dodging Bludgers with ease.

The Gyffindors occupied the pitch first, for a good couple of hours then hurried out for the Slytherins to go next - except him. He stayed behind to watch.

Wand at the ready as he watched you glide in the sky with the very same Bludger that hit you right in the head. He was on edge, like his skin was on fire as he gripped his wand.

He shouldn't be this worried.

Merlin knows he is pretending to be your boyfriend, it was all fake. But him watching you play from the stands, wand ready to come to your rescue was very much real.

After that, he storms into his dorm looking like a man at war. He tells Remus he feels like his head is going to explode from it all, the scarred boy offers the very simple solution of 'just tell her the truth, mate' but James faltered.

Because that was the most obvious thing to do, it was the right thing to do yet he feels like something is holding him back. Later, he joins you in the library where you greet him with the sweetest smile and slides over a packet of chocolate frogs.

He couldn't confess then.

The library is quiet, and the only sound is the faint rustle of parchment as you turn the pages of the book you’ve barely been reading.

The candles flicker, casting long shadows across the wooden tables, but your mind isn't on the words in front of you. It keeps drifting back to the match. The Bludger. The sharp pain, the dizzying fall.

And then. . .nothing.

You bite your lip, trying to recall more, but it’s as if there’s a hole in your memory, a space where the truth should be. You can remember the loud cheers from the crowd, the fast pulse of the game, the whoosh of the air as you flew - but there’s one detail that’s missing. It gnaws at you, and you can’t push it away.

It’s James.

You don’t remember him shouting at you. You don’t remember the look on his face when you tumbled, when your broom spiraled out of control. In fact, you don’t even remember if he was there at all.

The thought lingers as you glance over at the other side of the table, where your dorm mate is scribbling furiously in their own parchment, seemingly lost in their thoughts.

You sit up straighter and clear your throat, catching their attention.

“Hey,” you say softly, your voice quieter than you expected. "Can I ask you something?"

They look at you, blinking, a slight frown pulling at the corners of their lips. “What’s up?”

You hesitate, the question slipping out before you can stop it. “Do you remember the match? The one with the Bludger?”

Your friend raises an eyebrow. “Of course, I remember it. You almost got your skull cracked in half.” They give a wry grin, clearly trying to make light of it. “Why?”

You swallow, then push forward, your voice quieter this time. “I remember falling. But - I don’t remember why I got hit.”

Your friend’s expression falters, their quill pausing in mid-air as the words sink in. "What do you mean by that?"

You bite the inside of your cheek, unsure how to explain. The more you try to piece together the memories, the more fragmented they become.

“I don’t know.” Your voice feels small now, and your chest tightens. “Something’s wrong with it. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t feel right.”

Your house mate doesn’t answer immediately, and the silence stretches on longer than either of you expected. When they do speak, it's with an uncertain edge to their voice. “You did seem. . . off afterward. But you’re fine now, aren’t you?”

You nod slowly, though the knot in your stomach refuses to loosen. They neglected to point out how sudden your relationship your Potter bloomed, thinking that might be rude to comment on so they bit their tongue.

Meanwhile, across the castle, James is back in Gryffindor Tower, staring at the mess of papers scattered across his desk. His mind isn’t on Potions homework or Defense Against the Dark Arts like it should be. Instead, it keeps drifting to you.

The past few days have been. . . bizarre. You have been the picture-perfect couple despite the very obscure start of the relationship. He was an amazing boyfriend and you were a lovely girlfriend.

It’s not that you’re not perfect to him. It’s just - well, he’s never been in a relationship, and this? This feels like too much, too quickly.

And yet, when he sees you in your Quidditch gear, when you flirt with him so easily during drills, when you’re smiling at him across the table - he almost melts, and he can't help it.

That day, when you handed him his broom and leaned in just a little closer than usual, his heart nearly beat out of his chest. But then you smiled at him and the world tilted, for just a second.

The truth is, he’s panicking. He doesn’t know how to handle you - how to handle this.

James’ hands tighten around his quill, and he stops writing, thoughts swirling in his mind. He should tell you the truth, right? It’s what he should do.

He can’t keep pretending - it’s only a matter of time before you start realizing that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, that this fake relationship he’s so casually playing along with is about to crumble.

He needs to talk to you. He knows that much. But starting is always harder than actually doing.

James has decided that he'll tell you after dinner. That was it, after the dinner at the Great Hall is when he comes clean, Peter even hyped him for it - patting his back encouragingly.

You two had dinner together at his house's table again, mingling with the other Marauders as they treated you as normally as possible for their terrible acting.

Sirius is pretty tamed, less biting jokes and more playful banter with you about Quidditch while Remus was engaging Peter and James about their Potions essay that he had looked over for review.

Then dinner concluded, you bid them goodbye and James got up as well as to walk you back. The three boys sent him off with a knowing look, and the three watch you disappear from the hall.

"Bet you 5 galleons he won't be able to say it," Sirius whispers to Remus, his nose brushing against his scarred cheek.

Remus lets out a grumble under his breath but nodded nontheless. "Some faith you have in him, huh?"

On the walk to the dungeons, you held his hand. You could feel how tense he was under your touch and hoped he'd ease into it sooner, you kept walking despite the weirdness.

It was clear he was intending to say something. A nasty voice at the back of your head teased that he wanted to break up, you shake that thought off and look at him.

"I really like being with you," you tell him with a small smile. "I know we're dating, but - I really like being in your presence, you're always so comfortable and warm."

He doesn't say anything, he just listens to you, his face is unredable but you continue.

"I think being your girlfriend might be the best thing to happen to me - right under winning the Quidditch cup. Which we will, by the way."

You managed to laugh at your own joke, he cracked a grin at the sound of your laughter bouncing off the castle walls. He stils then, you follow suit, abruptly stopping in the hallway.

"Listen, ____," he starts and you look at him expectantly. You waited for him to say something but his internal struggle was very evident in his hazel eyes.

You decided then to just quiet his thoughts by closing in on him, your lips on his was soft. It met his with a single step and he felt like he had been electrocuted from his head to his toes.

He almost didn't register that his body moved on its own to pull you closer, arms snaked around your middle so he can kiss you while feeling your warmth flushed against his body.

You smile into the kiss and he feels it, he's now well aware of what is happening and kissing you back just as softly. It wasn't the desperate, rushing kind that snogging teens did - this kiss was slow, soft and it was meant to calm him down.

It did. All his worries melted into nothing as he kissed you back, feeling your smile against his lips.

You both full away not a moment after, you smile at him. "I love you, James."

He felt like he was thrown off the Astronomy tower. You didn't feel discouraged by his silence at all, you only remained smiling.

"Don't be pressured to say it back, I understand." And you really did.

So you just kept on, disappearing into your common room after another peck to his cheek and he doesn't remember how the rest of that walk went.

What he even replied? He can't remember at all.

All he knows is he stood in the middle of the darkened hall feeling like a man on trial, "Shit." he whispered under his breath.

The dorm is silent. Just the occasional drip of condensation down the stone walls, the faint rustle of green curtains stirred by a charmed breeze. Everyone’s long gone to bed, their breathing steady, calm.

You should be asleep too but you can’t, the kiss all too fresh on your lips that you felt too giddy to shut your eyes.

You sit cross-legged on your bed, quill hovering uncertainly above your journal. The fire in the corner hearth has died down to embers, casting long shadows across the room, and the only sound is the soft scratch of your quill until even that stops.

You’ve been trying to write about James. To put into words the way he looked tonight when he pulled away from the kiss, how his eyes were so bright, how warm your body felt against his when he pulled you close.

You want to capture the soft glow of it all. The very first proper kiss exchanged with him, the anticipation of it all, how warm he was.

But something’s off.

You tap the feathered end of the quill against your chin. Then you blink, staring hard at the line you just wrote. “Tonight reminded me of that first Gryffindor party when he pulled me in wearing his scarf.”

Your brow furrows.

You can see it so clearly in your head: the roaring fireplace, Sirius handing you a Butterbeer with a wink, the loud music and red-and-gold banners hanging from the rafters.

You were flushed from laughing too hard, James’s scarf knotted loosely around your neck. He had his hand on your back as he guided you through the crowded common room, and someone whistled when he kissed your cheek.

Your lips twitch at the memory, but then your stomach twists as the realization slowly began to dawn on you. Your quill slips from your fingers.

“Wait.”

Your voice is barely a whisper in the dark, but it sounds thunderous to your ears. As if anyone could hear, you spoke out loud : “I’ve never been to a Gryffindor party.”

You sit there, breath caught in your throat, you tried to reason with yourself. Maybe you’re misremembering.

Maybe it was a different party. A Hogsmeade weekend? Something outside?

But no. No, you know the Gryffindor common room. You can see it in your head - and that’s the problem. Because you shouldn’t be able to. You’re a Slytherin.

You’ve never stepped foot past the portrait. Hell, James Potter would’ve been the first one to hex you back out. Your heart starts pounding.

You move in a panicked pace, flipping through the journal entries you have written previously as your eyes begin to sting. The night was taking such a huge turn from the previous scene.

Then you found it. The one from before the accident with the Bludger that landed you a Hospital Wing visit.

The entries are snarky, something about the tone of the writer, you, was bitter as the quill scratched parchment.

“Potter made a scene again today. He hexed Mulciber’s shoelaces together during Defense and acted like it was hilarious.”

“Potter just had to look good in his bloody jumper this morning. It's good that Holidays break is coming up, my head needs a rest from his bloody taunts.”

“Pretty sure bloody Potter is an idiot in that pretty boy body, he's such a twat!”

You turn another page, hands trembling as you absorbed the words written down. This was too soon, the entries dating to the time you were supposedly already with him.

And then - you stop. There it is.

An entry, dated the day before the match. Before the fall which seemed to have changed the trajectory of your life.

“Tried not to stare at him in practice. He was flying loops with that stupid smug grin and it’s not like I like him, I just He will never like me because of my house.”

The breath leaves your lungs in a rush. You read it again and again. Fingers gripping the edges of the page so tightly they crinkle.

You don’t understand it for the longest minute that your eyes raked over the cursive writing over and over and over until you finally do.

The hit to the head had made it all up, you have fabricated memories of what you thought you were with him and he, for Merlin knows what - played along all this time. Two whole weeks of being a couple, he's managed that despite the entries stating his dislike for you.

You blink down at the journal, heart thudding in your ears.

The fire crackles softly, casting dancing shadows across the stone floor.

And in a voice that isn’t quite yours, you whisper: “Oh, Salazar. None of it was real.”

The following morning, you completely ignored him. He watched in confusion as you enter the Great Hall and settled at the Slytherin table like he did not exist.

The three other boys watched him watching you.

"I thought you said you didn't get to tell her," Remus asked, raising a brow.

"I didn't." Was all James said.

His frown was deep as he watched you eat breakfast like you had forgotten there even was a James Potter in your life, it was too stark a contrast from the moment you two had last night.

You successfully ignored and evaded him throughout the day, much to his dislike - he was almost tearing his hair out when every attempt to approach you was shut down so expretly.

You dodged out of his way, disappeared completely between classes, you missed Quidditch as well and it is now dinner when you had managed to let your guard down and he cornered you.

Grabbing you just as you were about to round the corners for the dungeons - you were grabbed and shoved into a broom closet.

Before panic could settle, you saw him. Merlin, you almost regret looking when you saw how distraught he looked, like you had broken his broom and threw it at the whomping willow for good measure.

You heave a sigh.

"You've been ignoring me all day," James spoke calmly despite his frustration. "Godric - can you just tell me what I did wrong, please?"

You almost gave in. Just almost. You heave another sigh before speaking, stepping back to put some distance between you two. "I know, I read my journal and what I saw did not match the memories I have about us."

His jaw went slack and his lack of denial was the confirmation. The final nail in your coffin that was already half-buried anyway.

"You remember?" He asked, finally.

You shake your head. "Not exactly, I still think you're my boyfriend but it's slowly coming back."

"Then why just end it here?" James asked, making you frown from the riddles he's spouting.

"Say it clearly before I get the wrong message, Potter."

"Merlin, I don't know how exactly but - the past two weeks has not been fake to me," James confessed, looking like he just let off the weight on his shoulders. "I want it to be real, I want you."

You couldn't answer him - too shocked at the words escaping the very same lips that had nothing but insults for you.

"Please give me a chance, we can make this real. You and me, ____."

Salazar himself could come down from wherever and shake you and you would still not come to your senses from the shock of it all. It took a solid minute of him watching the shock paint your face before you came about.

You cleared your throat, looking down toa void his eyes.

"The memories weren't there randomly," you confessed, taking it as your cue to come clean as well. "I have liked you for an embarrassing amount of time. Merlin knows why when we've done nothing but fight. But I have."

He kept quiet, you didn't see his face so you can't tell how he's taking this.

"It was all because I've been pining for you since third-year, even though you're a bloody tosser."

He lets out a chuckle. It surprised you enough that you looked up and saw his face, how his eyes were so soft that you almost tripped over nothing and right into those hazel pools.

You felt your heart leap out of your chest.

"We're bloody idiots, Moony said that much, suppose he was right."

You couldn't even laugh when he closed the distance and captured your lips in his. This time, it was real and you both knew the truth - somehow kissing him in a broom closet proved to be so much more magical.

All the pages you've written down claiming he'd rather snog a troll than snog you proven so wrong.

end. masterlist

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