#MentalHealthReflections

[tapmora]

“Terrified of Change, Desperate for It: The Quiet War Within”

The Slow Burn of Staying

It always feels like standing with bare feet in a house that is gradually burning to the ground. The fire has yet to reach you, but you can see the smoke filling the air, piercing your eyes, filling your lungs. You cough, you squint, and you hold a grip on a stranger's set of keys, knowing somewhere outside these walls is fresh air, an unbraiding kind of life, and a you who is intact. But your feet, they feel buried in the floorboards, too heavy to move, too scared to run.

The Waiting Game That Never Ends

You tell yourself you’re waiting. Waiting for a sign, a perfect moment, a braver version of yourself who will grab those keys and open the door. It’s a comforting lie because the truth is far heavier: you’re afraid. Scared not just of where you will be, but of what leaving will mean to you. What if nothing ever gets better? What if everything gets worse? What if this house, as bad and smothering as it is, is the best you'll ever have?

Split Between Longing and Loss

They say people call it being stuck, but it isn't. You're not stuck. You're split. Part of you longs for change, its heart burning with the need for something new, something lighter, but the other holds on to everything familiar. It weeps for all the little things that would have to be left behind. Because even in the misery, there were good things. There was laughter in this kitchen, flowers that bloomed in broken soil, routines that gave a sense of security. And you loved this life once, didn't you?

The Drain of Pretending

The most difficult aspect is not the fear of the unknown. It's the draining act of pretending. You convince yourself and all those around you that you're "almost there." That you'll take the leap, that you're just waiting for the moment to arrive. Your muscles hurt from sustaining this version of you, your voice gets raspier from reassuring people that soon, you'll choose yourself. Between knowing better and doing better is there a quiet sort of grief no one prepares you for. It doesn't include a funeral or closure, but it is a death nonetheless.

Change Is a Kind of Death

That's the thing that no one tells you about change. It's not merely stepping into something new, it's burying something old. It's departing from a part of yourself that it took you years to become. It's releasing habits, spaces, folks, and even aspirations that no longer belong. Change requires you to risk everything for a shot at something more, with no promise of success. It's seldom a tidy choice between good and evil. Most times, it's a messy, painful decision between lingering in hurt and taking the chance on possibility.

The Guilt No One Talks About

Perhaps the toughest thing isn't even the anxiety of what comes next, but the shame of wanting it. Shame of acknowledging you're willing to leave behind a place where you once pleaded to be. Of realizing you grew up from something you assumed would be a lifetime. And yet, somewhere in the world, there's a version of you who breathes more freely, laughs more fully, and doesn't need to tally apologies like pennies. You glimpse them from time to time, in dreams, in reflective mirrors, in still moments when you remember not to shield your heart. They seem so near, almost within reach.

A Choice between Sorrow and Promise

Ultimately, change is a matter of pain or possibility. Between the painful comfort of what you know and the aching unfamiliarity of what could be. And perhaps that's what makes it so frightening. But it's also what makes it worth fighting.

[shaknys]

Dog in this piece reflects how I feel - caught between light and shadow, trying to release my burdens like a lantern into the sky... I hope it resonates with someone out there and if it does - we can do it, don't give up 💛🫂

[carlventures]

My Last Lifeline (Part 8) | Hope Isn’t the Loudest Voice—But It’s the One That Stays Sometimes, hope doesn’t roar. It doesn’t always shout above the noise of fear, failure, or fatigue. But it stays—quiet, persistent, and right beside you. In Part 8 of My Last Lifeline, I reflect on the kind of hope that isn’t flashy or loud—but constant. It’s the kind that waits in the background until you’re ready to listen. The kind that reminds you, without pressure, that you’re not done yet. This is for the moments when everything feels too heavy, too much, too uncertain. And somehow—there’s still a whisper that says, “keep going.” 💬 When has hope stayed with you—especially when nothing else did? #MyLastLifeline #QuietHope #HopeThatStays #Carlventures #MentalHealthReflections #StillStanding #LGBTQVoices #InnerStrength #SpiritualResilience #HopeInHardTimes #EmotionalHealing via Carlventures https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTq0xZFK5Rp0g1SkIWfQR9g May 22, 2025 at 11:44AM

[carlventures]

My Last Lifeline (Part 7) | Hope Isn’t Comfortable—It Asks You to Risk Disappointment Hope isn’t soft and safe all the time. Sometimes it hurts—because it asks you to believe in something without knowing how it’ll end. To show up again after you’ve been let down. To open your heart… when the last time you did, it broke. In Part 7 of My Last Lifeline, I reflect on the uncomfortable side of hope—the side that asks you to risk disappointment in order to move forward. The kind of hope that doesn’t guarantee results, but still dares you to dream. It’s the stretch, the reach, the leap—not knowing if you’ll land. And still, you go. 💬 Tell me: When has hope asked too much of you—but you said yes anyway? #MyLastLifeline #HopeIsRisky #HopeIsUncomfortable #VulnerabilityAndHope #StillStanding #Carlventures #MentalHealthReflections #LGBTQVoices #EmotionalRisk #HealingThroughHope #ChoosingHopeAnyway via Carlventures https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTq0xZFK5Rp0g1SkIWfQR9g May 21, 2025 at 02:24AM

[carlventures]

My Last Lifeline (Part 6) | Hope Is Insistent Hope isn’t always loud—but it refuses to leave. It shows up in the in-between moments… When you’re not sure what’s next. When the questions outweigh the answers. When your voice shakes—but you still speak. In Part 6 of My Last Lifeline, I reflect on how hope doesn’t always knock down the door—it just waits. Patiently. Persistently. And sometimes, that’s even more powerful. This is for the days when you're tired of trying—but still, something deep inside won’t let go. That’s hope. And it’s insistent. 💬 When has hope been the voice you couldn’t ignore? Comment below. #MyLastLifeline #HopeIsInsistent #PersistentHope #InnerStrength #StillStanding #Carlventures #MentalHealthReflections #LGBTQVoices #SpiritualJourney #QuietResilience #EmotionalHealing #HopeThatReturns via Carlventures https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTq0xZFK5Rp0g1SkIWfQR9g May 20, 2025 at 05:41AM