#Nefe ask

[nefe-mao]

Oya-oya, then I will share one of the facts that I know about the economic relations between Russia and Japan. small funny and cunning plan of Japan: buy glass from Russia for wooden packaging, because it’s easier and cheaper to get wood this way than to buy it directly, lol)

and don't worry, I love reading people's thoughts, so don't ever apologize for it!

I always learn a lot of new things by reading your blog, because yes, the historical and economic topics of the countries you mentioned are completely unusual for me, simply because I am on the other side of the Earth(?) Sorry, I don’t know. I don’t know if I can say that) If yes, then great. In any case, I really like your blog) As for Coco-Sola, I only have Chinese and Korean cola (maybe also Japanese) Just about what, I don’t drink such drinks at all, so I can’t say whether it differs in taste, for me it differs only in hieroglyphs and special badges of Korea and Japan. What am I talking about, I didn’t think that people choose between cola from one plant and another plant

I like telling people fun facts! I really wanted to go into archaeology and museum studies, but I didn't have enough experience or opportunities to do internships in the field, so I went with a social anthropology/sociology field instead. I like sharing all the information I learned cause it feels like it's being used lol.

It's super interesting to me learning what people from other places do and don't know, especially people from different countries. It's super easy to take knowledge for granted and assume that what you know is well known by others, but then you kinda remember that there's an entire half of the world with a completely different experience from you and you don't know about their history or knowledge and that's kinda cool! How people know so much and yet so little and no matter how long you're in school, there's always something new you didn't know!!!

It's so cool that now we can talk to people and learn new things from them everyday, it's so neat. Technology has a lot a faults and concerns, but it's also beautiful in its ability to connect people from different parts of the world in a matter of seconds.

For the cola thing, I think it's definitely expected that cola and soda from other places is pretty varied. My only exposure to Chinese or Korean sodas is from an Asian market I used to live by, and I noticed personally that there was a lot more fruit based sodas and drinks in general than colas, some were cool. I think I say a dragonfruit fanta and I almost tried it but I was on a budget....

[mavisimsblog]

ne güzel birsey

[liaisun]

for the aftg asks

3 - favorite scenes?

28 - if you had to kill a fox. (Seth doesnt count.)

<3 way to mke me think with 28!!!

my fav scenes - (i most recently read tfc so it's at the front of my mind): when aaron, nicky, and neil first scrimmage, and nicky and aaron compliment neil's skills and neil says the two of them are really good <3 (and then they tell him kevin "thinks we're a waste of oxygen"😭 kevinnn) i think people forget a lot that the entire team are Really good players, and nicky and aaron are included in that!!

-dan and renee doing their nails and talking abt charity projects after neil gets his shit rocked by kevin (after he broke into the monsters' room) like

-of courseeeeeee the district transfer announcement scene where kevin and andrew are Like That... and neil's inner thoughts . my god. like whatever kandrew had going on was something different and i desperately wish to know what wymack thought of them before neil came along. i need wymack pov So Badly

-neil being like Betsy Dobson Will be In My Walls if i tell her a single thing meanwhile andrew minyard is already in his walls like buddy ...

-the kandrew fight of '06 (there were several in fact) but where kevin is mad at andrew for trying when wymack asks him to shut down the goal and andrew calls kevin jealous. lmfaoooo

-kevin telling neil to "destroy him" about that opponent who was harrassing neil on court <3

-wymack and neil after neil gets back from christmas break at the ravens...i want to see more of wymack caring for others in his way

-the upperclassmen taking care of neil !!!!!!

-the trojans matching the foxes' lineup

-everyone fighting the fbi for neil to stay with them

i must reread the last book to declare more

if i had to kill a fox............................. from a sheer butterfly effect perspective... and avoiding the foxes getting disqualified for lack of players. i really do wonder how the foxes would do without wymack. LIKE...... neil brought the foxes together, but wymack is their foundation??? agh??? literally what would they do if something happened to him. the thought compels me so muhc. for someone literally on the team, maybe renee. she is subtle but very influential... she's the protector/gatekeeper of the upperclassmen so how would her death effect them? the hard-won friendship between her, dan, and allison... her role as a peacekeeper and bridge between the monsters and upperclassmen before neil? the one person who really understood andrew before neil? she provided lots of valuable insight for him, she unnerves neil the most but how does her loss impact the way the story unfolds? AGHHHHH also considering either wymack or renee dying INSTEAD of seth..... now we get REALLY into the weeds

[gelmeyegidensude]

Yaşanmışlıklar tüketir insanı, ben zaten tükenmiştim.

Gamzedeyim bir tanem, deva bulamadım.

[gayjoshrusso]

Heyyy, happy birthday 🥳🥳 I wish you many wonderful things, happiness above all 💛💛

awwww tysm my beloved nefeli!!! 💙💙💙💙💙

[aysouday]

Growing up is realizing Andrew was actually not as monsterouse as the team (even Nicky and Aaron) made him look like. I mean all of them pushed him to edge and expected him not to snap? Like Allison hit Aaron knowing Andrew would react. Matt hit Kevin knowing Andrew would react. The only people who don't see him aa a monster are Neil and Renee which actually put time in understanding him and we can clearly see in TFC and Son Nefes how Andrew is actually a very reasonable person. I mean he literally listened to everything Neil told him or asked of him and actually agreed with most and did what was best. Anyone who calls him a psycho or a sociopath lacks some IQ😂

[dramawithmira]

Nefeli Nefeli!!! I’m patiently waiting for a taste of your writing!! Gimme gimme 👏🫶 I’ve actually never (unfortunately) seen a request for tdi and funnily enough i just finished rewatching it so can i be ur first request?? 🥹 mmm maybe duncan or trent (i love love love those two sm) it’s okay if u don’t want to!! I love u byeee!!! <3

Personal headcanons on meeting and getting with Duncan! Might do Trent soon! Sorry this is short! Haven’t had much time lately

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Island! Duncan who thought the burning in his heart was hatred.

Island! Duncan who had become weirdly obsessed with hating you

Island! Duncan who keeps staring at you with a soft stare and when anyone calls him out, he explains he’s planning on bullying you

Island! Duncan who knows it’s not that and he indeed likes you but keeps denying it

Crush! Duncan who finds cute gifts like rocks or sculptures but instead of giving them to you, he throws them ‘romantically’

Crush! Duncan who doesn’t understand why you even talk or smile to him sense he’s mean

Crush! Duncan who flips you off the second you catch him staring, hoping you don’t catch on

Crush! Duncan who almost killed a camper because of what they said about you, only restraining himself so no rumours are said

Crush! Duncan who accidentally confessed to the audience while rambling, only to break the camera afterwards

Crush! Duncan who insults and Denies you any time you bring up the campers who say he has a crush on you

Crush! Duncan who is okay with the quirk and finally starts flirting with you, still in an aggressive manner

Crush! Duncan who slowly realizes the little things you do without even realizing

Crush! Duncan who finally confessed in the most confusion way possible, leaving you to question what it meant

Crush! Duncan who became Relationship! Duncan after you asked him with he meant

Relationship! Duncan who dislikes everyone who adds suggestive things while speaking to you

Relationship! Duncan who pulls you in by the waist, real close to him, anytime your talking to a dude (or a girl depending on your sexuality)

Relationship! Duncan who stayed at your house almost everyday after camp finally ended

Relationship! Duncan who had to scream to his parents that you were the best thing that ever happened to him after they say you weren’t enough

Relationship! Duncan who would never say how much he actually loved you

Relationship! Duncan who had a whole album of notes on his phone dedicated to you and how much he loved you

Relationship! You who found it but never told him about it

[thefoxholecast]

The Original Foxhole Court Extra Content (Archived from Nora Sakavic’s Tumblr)

We copied the following text directly from the pre-2024 version of the Foxhole Court Extra Content page on Nora Sakavic’s Tumblr blog (korakos.tumblr.com/fox). In March 2024, she did “some spring cleaning” by shortening the list of links and deleting/hiding old posts. The links in this copy lead to archived snapshots of the old posts on the Internet Archive Wayback Machine.

Some of the links are broken. If you have copies of these posts, please let us know so we can fill in missing content!

Because Tumblr only allows up to 100 links per post, we're unable to replicate the full list here. View the full list of links on our blog here: thefoxholecast.tumblr.com/FoxArchive

The Foxhole Court

ETA 2023: most of the posts here are from 2013-2015. Some of them overlap with older drafts. Some answers have evolved over time, even if they haven’t been updated here. Most I haven’t changed my mind on, for better or worse. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, and good luck making sense of ‘em around all the drunk rambling and detours. One day if I have the energy I’ll just sort it into a coherent reference.

~~

Two sections here: the questions submitted by tumblr users, and a miscellaneous collection of stories & factoids pulled from the oft-neglected blog. The questions aren’t in any particular order, though I did try to organize them by subject matter. Ish. Once the dust is settled a bit I’ll try to find a better sorting system. Also, the tumblr tag I use for questions is http://korakos.tumblr.com/tagged/foxhole-court-questions-and-spoilers

Lots of spoilers for The Foxhole Court ahead!

Preface: Why are Asks disabled in 2016?

COURTING MADNESS

—Exy Rules & Regulations

—Exy: A History of the Sport

—Palmetto State University

—The original “What Happens After King’s Men” post

—SON NEFES, the cousins’ freshman year through Renee’s eyes

——One . Two . Three . Four . Five

—Nicky Hemmick

—Seth Gordon

—Aaron Minyard

—Matt Boyd

—Kevin & Andrew

—David Wymack & the Monsters

—Wymack & Andrew re: Neil

—Dan Wilds is recruited to the Foxes *

—Allison through Dan & Renee’s eyes *

——pulled from an abandoned, unfinished book about the Foxes’ women

TUMBLR

NEIL

—Neil’s life on the run

—Do they ever celebrate Neil’s birthday?

—What if Neil told the truth earlier?

—Neil through the Foxes’ eyes

—Neil through Ichirou’s eyes

—Neil’s looks post-book and relationship with his reflection

—Does Neil ever talk to Bee?

—Neil’s millions

—Neil’s fight training

—Who’s Neil closest to beside Andrew

—Neil’s fashion style

—Cellphone ringtone

—Christmas/birthday presents for Foxes

—Does Neil ever cry?

—Neil’s lonely fifth year

—When Neil’s overwhelmed

—Does Neil crush on his teammates?

—Neil & Ichirou’s intimidation

ANDREW

—Andrew’s sober look at his teammates & Neil

—How did Andrew react to Cass’s letter?

—Andrew’s medication and the follow-up

—Has Abby seen Andrew’s scars?

—Andrew & Mama Bee

—Andrew & Roland

—How far has Andrew willingly gone?

—What animal figurine did Andrew buy Betsy?

—Andrew’s eye color

—Andrew’s opinion of the cats

—What’d Andrew say to Nicky in TKM?

—Andrew’s honest opinion of Exy

—Andrew’s thoughts on Neil’s binder

—Andrew and his sexuality

—If Andrew had met Neil’s mother

—Andrew’s thoughts on Neil’s sexuality

—Andrew’s fondest memory of Neil

—Andrew’s aforementioned withdrawal

—Do you think Andrew is really really really awesome?

—Proust and Andrew

—What happens to Proust?

—Andrew’s reaction to Neil’s bday blood

—Andrew on Neil eventually changing out

—Does Andrew get grumpy?

—Does Andrew get less dead inside?

—Does Andrew call Neil by his name?

—Why give the Foxes crackers?

—Andrew’s first choices in winning a fight

—Who liked knives?

—What got chopped from Drake’s arc?

—Does Andrew get off thinking about Neil?

—Post Andrew & Bee’s side story?

—When did Andrew start thinking Neil was interesting?

—Any other words he can’t stand?

—What does he think about nicknames?

—Explain Andrew’s fatal disease in the comic version

—Andrew’s canon mental state

—How did Andrew not know about Tilda’s abuse?

—Why punch Neil for “Sorry”, and when Andrew is sick

—What’s with Andrew and promises

—Andrew’s thoughts on Roland’s premature confession

—Andrew’s arrest

—Wanting nothing vs not wanting anything

—Why was Andrew laughing after Drake?

—If Neil had chosen Dan & Matt over Andrew

NEIL & ANDREW

—The other 10%

—Which teammate caught on first?

—Do Andrew & Neil go on dates?

—When did they first hold hands?

—When did Andrew clue in?

—Exites self-censure

—Betsy’s & Aaron’s reactions to the news

—Roland’s opinion of things

—The breaking point

—Who tops?

—On tying people up

—Their domestic life aka Sir Fat Cat

—I love you

—Andrew and the bed issue

—Nightmares

—Do they learn to talk to each other?

—Blaming Neil for Drake

—Andrew comforting Neil?

—Neil’s fondest memory of Andrew

—Neil getting Andrew off for the first time

—Neil seeing Andrew naked

—Neil & the sex how-to

—How was the first time

—Where’d it happen?

—When was their first hug?

—“I won’t let you let me be��

—Their roadtrips

—Neil waking Andrew up

—Andrew’s real smile

—How does Andrew show appreciation for Neil

—Their happiest moments

—Does Neil ever make Andrew laugh?

—Does Andrew take comfort in Neil

—Does Andrew get protective/possessive?

—Doesn’t Neil crave affection?

—Andrew re: Neil’s panic attacks

—Media reaction to Andrew/Neil

—Further reaction to Andrew/Neil

—On “accidentally” sitting in laps

—What if Andrew died?

—What if Neil died?

—Reaction to getting hit on by others

—Do they celebrate anniversaries?

—The first time Neil pushes Andrew down

FOXES

—How tall are the Foxes?

—Why is everyone so short?

—Where did their names come from?

—What were their majors?

—What do the Foxes look like?

—What are their Hogwarts houses?

—Reaction to the kidnapping

—Do Neil & Renee become friends?

—What did Allison do with Seth’s urn?

—Nicky’s evolution over the drafts

—Do the Foxes get their skiing trip?

—Does Andrew know Nicky kissed Neil?

—When did Aaron & Katelyn fall for each other?

—How did Andrew and Wymack end up handcuffed together?

—Kevin’s favorite things

—Kevin and Andrew’s on-court kerfuffle

—Dan’s haircut

—Dan & Matt’s relationship

—Dan & Matt’s first kiss

—Matt bouncing back from Columbia

—Matt rooming with the monsters

—The other what-if OT3 aka D/M/N and the dynamic

—Do Allison and Renee have the hots for each other?

—Matt forgiving his father

—Any mistletoe shenanigans?

—Thanksgiving and the Foxes

—Kevin’s best friend

—Janie Smalls

—How did Kevin and Thea meet?

—Foxes’ favorite ice cream flavors

—Kevin & Andrew’s on-court argument

—Foxes’ taste in music

—Kevin’s middle name & drink of choice

—Do Kevin & Neil want to kiss?

—Which Fox would Kevin kiss, then?

—Kevin’s best non-Exy memory

—Allison’s three bets

—Why is Allison’s middle name Jamaica

—Kevin, Andrew, and Neil staying friends

—“Joan of Exy”?

—Can the Foxes sing?

—Some of the Foxes’ previous bets

—Do Nicky & Allison become friends?

—Are Foxes based on RL people?

—Nicky when Neil asks about friendship

—Dan & the monsters in Columbia

—What if Kevin was killed?

—Renee and her near-death experiences

—More background available on Renee?

—Why doesn’t Aaron let the Foxes in?

—Team’s reaction to Drake, Andrew’s reaction to being outed

—Andrew & Aaron’s time with Tilda

—Does Aaron reconcile with Andrew over Tilda?

—Nicky & his parents after Drake

—Foxes thoughts in Baltimore

FOXES POST-TKM

—The Pro Teams

—The Weddings

—Neil as the Best Man?

—Kevin after TKM —Thea, Jean, Foxes, and Riko

—How does Kevin & Wymack’s relationship evolve?

—Renee after TKM

—Nicky after TKM

—Aaron after TKM

—Allison after TKM

—Dan & Matt after TKM

—Dan and the US Court

—Any pro-period scandals?

—Andrew & Neil’s relationship with their team

—Would Neil hold Matt’s children?

—Neil & babysitting the Foxes’ kids

—Which Fox’s child would curse first

THE FUTURE FOXES

—Who is Robin Cross?

—Neil and Jack

—Andrew’s reaction to Neil punching Jack

—Foxes’ reaction to Neil punching

—Kevin and Jack

—Neil’s new recruit

—Andrew and Jack

RIVALS

—Who is Riko Moriyama?

—Riko & Kevin’s evolving relationship

—More about Riko & Kevin’s past

—How did Riko break Kevin’s hand

—Riko’s brutality toward Jean

—Any draft where Riko wasn’t killed?

—Were Riko, Kevin, and Jean involved sexually?

—Does the Fox-Trojan rematch happen? Also how do the Trojans & Jean get along?

—Do Alvarez & Laila (Trojans) have backstories?

—Thea’s number & thoughts on Raven brutality

THE “ADULTS”

—Kayleigh Day & David Wymack

—Abby Winfield & David Wymack

—Wymack’s parents

—Did Wymack cry during the trilogy?

—Did Kayleigh know about the Moriyamas?

.

.

.

.

Nora & the Foxes

—Fancast and Andrew

—Changing opinion of Foxes over the years

—Bits of the scrapped K/N/A threesome here and here

—The KxAxN AU where Kevin died

—Will there be a sequel?

—What inspired you to develop Exy?

—Fox fanfictions, collected by coldsaturn

—Why a pseudonym?

—What came first, characters or story?

—Were you the artist of the comic version?

—What did the comic-Foxes look like?

—What do you do when you’re not writing?

[brisketlungsminyard]

oh boy. oh boy oh boy oh boy!!

i keep coming back to jean and andrew's interaction in TGR. the honesty between them struck me as familiar and i thought its because its the way andrew and neil talk to each other. but actually. its the way andrew and RENEE talk to each other

in son nefes part four, renee tells andrew about her sexual abuse at the age of 10. and the first thing he asks is whether or not she killed her abuser. its the same thing he asks jean later (of course, he thinks neil did it):

and we learned after that andrew and renee talked after california, at least enough that he told her how he clocked jeremy

anyway i think these three should form a support group

[mochinomnoms]

I can't help but think of the main character and Jade from your story as possible event moments)

I mean, have you seen that sexy Jade card from the Halloween event? I'm sure that if he was already thinking about Yuu at that time, he would have looked at the bandages and her, the bandages and her, and wanted to tie him up, I'm sure of it!!

Or this event with beans. omg! I don’t even know what’s better, if they were in different teams or in one)))

Or another event with… um, I don’t remember what it’s called, but did the characters have plush copies? in any case, I see how the Jade toy climbs onto Yuu’s lap or chest to hug her. And Jade himself is probably mentally tearing apart his copy, wanting to be in his place, hehehe)

It's very fun to imagine his feelings developing over the course of the in-game storyline. Did he have thoughts about using the bandages on them before pushing them away? Did he enjoy caring for them during the Beanfest, the idea of them being dependent on him for protection? Did he get jealous as the sight of his tsum cuddling into his Yuu? That should be him!!!

We and Yuu don't know! They couldn't read minds then, and they have no clue when Jade fell into obsession love with them. But we, the readers, will eventually :P

[dustisus]

I want to hear your Nicky thoughts!!!!

posting my nicky thoughts is what i was born to do🙇 lately i've been thinking a bit about what he looks/dresses like so have some of that:

long, curly hair. short hair all through growing up and forced haircuts every two weeks in conversion camp (as described in boy erased by garrard conley). kept his hair short after that until a few months into his time in germany when erik's compliments on the curls that start showing up just before he cuts it get to him. had known his hair was curly but not just how curly. in 2025 he's 42 years old with the most elaborate curly hair routine and the most luscious hair. erik likes to help him with detangling.

brown eyes so dark they look black until he steps into the sunlight and they light up.

expressive eyebrows. eyebrow wiggling.

tried to grow a beard/moustache once when it was trendy for millennials and failed miserably. clean shaven always.

not a twink. like come on now he's a backliner. not the biggest on the team by any means but not the smallest either. not as fit after graduation but keeps up an active lifestyle with erik.

fashion sense always evolving. very conservative/normal clothing until germany. in germany he meets queer people who dress like he wants to dress and gets his first punny graphic shirt (à la 'let's get one thing straight: i'm not' shirt in son nefes(?)). after the attack outside eden's he realizes he's always going to get hate and threats no matter what he dresses like. feels freer to dress how he wants since

after that there's not a moment when not at least a sliver of stomach is visible. the baby tee girls of 2025 have nothing on him.

wears a skirt to pride once post-graduation and they slowly make their way into his normal wardrobe after that. long, dark skirts, mostly.

goes to eden's with no makeup or body shimmer or anything and walks out covered in glitter. how is a mystery even to himself. (though he's usually very drunk and not thinking too hard about it).

andrew pierces his ears some time after canon but before they graduate. nicky has never felt closer to him. aaron insists they're going to get infected (doesn't answer when they ask well who did his piercings then?). very fond of dangly earrings (both ears. not just one.)

keeps insinuating he has other piercings (eyebrow wiggle) but is lying.

bonus: erik

big. tall and muscular

dark blond hair (starts going bald when nicky starts going grey. initially self-conscious about it but nicky reassures him that he's still very good-looking.)

very similar to christopher from frozen, to the degree that nicky insists they watch it.

very expressive eyes. looks at nicky like he hung the moon and keeps doing so for the rest of their lives together.

not as fashion-oriented as nicky. keeps it simple but loves it when nicky picks things out for him (outfits and items that are just on the edge of being out of his comfort zone, but still things he ends up liking)

undisclosed piercing. only nicky knows where. he guards this secret like it's on par with the mafia secrets.

[cloudylovesmuses]

Needed some love today, it's an awful day and you made it a little bit brighter! Thank you😊❤❤

[huseynmammad]

Sanmanız kim, gecələr bihudədir fəryadımız, Mülki-eşq içrə həsari istiqamet bəkləriz.

[robcognitivepersonality]

ENTP: I look at different aspects that could be linked to a situation or perhaps how it would evolve. But I wouldn’t be convinced that “it could be this or could be that, what if this or what if that, what about if this is something else.” I like to speculate on the results, except when it comes to my personal stuff like money and health. For these, I wouldn’t speculate and would prefer something stable.

I notice that I would suggest completely unorthodox or even radical solutions to other people's problems or situations, but I don’t know if I would follow my own advice in some aspects lol

————

Rob: Now *how* you approach problems, like educating, laying information out in a clear way, “what if this what if that,” suggesting radical solutions are all SiTi. So if NeFe is your skillset, SiTi is your set of instructions for how to build that harmony or that experience for others and yourself.

Si is a concrete proactive lens, it wants to see things clearly. All of the questions you ask are all essentially "Instructions unclear, can you clarify this..." There needs to be that a-ha! dot-connecting moment in your brain to get that little dopamine your Si needs. And it's a microscope, so it wants to see all of the little details and seek many perspectives even if they're a tiny bit different from each other. That proactivity is what allows you to be a step ahead.

Some ENTP have such a strong SiTi, they always have that thirst to be the one who understands the situation more than everyone else. And it's thanks to going over every a little Si angle that allows you to get into a situation without exactly knowing how something will happen (Se) but at least you have an general idea (Ne) and you wouldn't be exactly surprised. Like we never really know how a new baby born will look like, but we got an idea based on how the parents looks like. It'd be a crazy surprise if the baby didn't look like them lol

The thing about SiTi is that it's still theoretical. So yes, the math checks out, but you might've never seen it happen before. And that can be unorthodox, and it's maybe more of a suggestion then advice. But Si is curious enough to see it happen anyway.

That curious thirst can feel out of your control though, sometimes you'd be so curious and it latches onto your mind that that's the only thing you think about, and then next day it can be totally gone, or it wants you to be curious about something else.

[byaliyeva]

Guzel yuzunu çizen kalemim sesini bir turlu tasvir edemiyor. Oysa, hicbir bir kalem bu mucizeyi yaratamaz. Kalbim sesini duymak istiyor. Bu onuru ona bahşeder misin?

Peki bakışların? Evet, onları çizdim, ama gerceklerindeki duyguyu barindirmiyor. Bana onu hissettirebilir misin?

Sevgiyi iyi bilirim. Insana guven verir. Sevgiye doyan ruhum aşkı tanımıyor. Bana aşkı tattırabilir misin?

Ask nedir? Birini ölesiye sevmek mi? Her an onu özlemek mi? Onu kendi gözünden bile sakınmak mi? Nedir Ask? Bunlar saçma. Cunki bana gore aşkı tanimlayamazsin. Bu duygu eşsiz ve kutsaldır. Onu bir kalıba sigdiramazsin.

Aşkı bilirim. O tüm duyguların karışımı gibidir. Bir şeye nefret edersin, ama onsuz da yaşayamazsın. Sanki aldığın nefes ona bagliymis gibi hiss edersin. O olmazsa, hayat devam eder ama, sen bir yerlerde sikisib kalırsın. O seninleyken mutlu olursun. İstemezsin ayrılmayı. Hep gözün görsün, kulağın duysun, tenin hissetsin istersin. Mutlusun, ancak aynı zamanda korkuyorsun. Gitmesinden ölesiye korkuyorsun.

Ya giderse? İşte o zaman nefret edersin. Ona olan kizginligin O kadar büyüktür, O kadar sıcaktır ki içini yakar kovurur.

Üzülürsün. Verdiğin değer karşılıksız kalınca kırılırsın. Mecazi anlamda değil, gerçek anlamda kalbindeki o çatlagın acısını hissedersin. Gece gündüz durmaksızın kanar O yara.

Bazen ağlarsın, gözlerinden sadece sicak tuzlu su süzülür. Sanki o tuzlu su kalbindeki catlaga dolup Onu kapatmak ister gibi akar, ama yakar be...çok yakar hem de. Bir türlü iyileşemez.

İlacı ne mi? Zaman diyorlar. Zamanla geçer diyorlar. Yalan bence. Herkesi kandırmışlar.

Onu gördüğü zaman göğüs kafesine sığmayan yürek şimdi paramparça, lakin lakin Onu özlüyor. Hissetmeyi, varlığını duymayı istiyor. Sanki tekrar sıcaklık duyarsa, tüm yaralar sarılır. Cunki hala ona muhtaçtir.

İşte...benim için aşk bunları ifade ediyor. Sorabilirsin "askı tanimayan ruhun askı nasıl biliyor?" Diye. Ben saf askı kitaplardan ögrendim, ama yasayamadim. Bana sen yasatir misin? Tüm hayatımı sana adamama izin verir misin? Cunki tek sahip olduğu varlimi sana armagan etmek istiyorum.

Ellerimi tutar misin? Onlarin senin sıcaklığına ihtiyaci var.

Saclarimi oksar misin? Onlarin senin ilgine ihtiyaci var.

Peki kalbim? Onu sever misin? Cunki en cok onun senin varligini duymaya ihtiyaci var....

~byaliyeva

[tara-the-star]

omggg who’s your fav aftg character? (i love asking people this quesiton hehehehe :3)

you expect me to be able to choose 😭😭😭

see i absolutely love renee but her character doesnt really go through much chracter growth within the series (at least the way i see it, most of it was done beforehand). I absolutely loved son nefes though, i love seeing things the way she sees it cause like when i first read aftg i understood neils sentiment of not trusting her cause she was just wayyy too nice for her character to just. end there. AND THEN. i read the ec and i was like 🤯. but yeah. i actually wrote a little fic about renee saving jean from the nest THE VERY DAY BEFORE LAZARUS CAME OUT.

that being said renee walker loml kiss kiss absolutely favourite BUT a very close second is kevin day cause who am i not to fall for the kevin day charm

who's your favourite :D