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agathaandbrienneslesbian · 2 years ago

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In Your Words

Larissa Weems x Fem!Journalist!Reader

Hiya! I've finally finished this bad boy <3 I'm uploading this lengthy fic cause I'll be having a shit ton of Uni Exams the next few weeks and won't be able to write.

Big thanks to @weemssapphic and some other friends for proofreading this fic <3

Disclaimer: English is not my first language!

Warning: SMUT 18+, minors DNI

Authors Note: Y/N is a newsreporter and wants to write a story about Nevermore and outcasts. What happens if a normie Journalist and an outcast Headmistress work together? (I suck at descriptions, have fun xD)

Words: 9'200+

Ao3 Link

Taglist

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You sat in your little office at the news station of Jericho, finger hovering over the mouse of your computer. You were hesitating. The cursor sat neatly atop the ‘send’ button, ready to send your email to its recipient. But you hesitated. Why? You didn’t know.

It’s true that it was frowned upon to interact with the outcasts, but you just couldn’t believe that they were as terrible as everyone said they were. You have seen them plenty of times strolling through the little city, shopping and stopping by the Weathervane for a drink. None of them ever seemed malicious or evil to you. With a deep inhale, you pressed send and quickly shut your computer off. There's no going back now.

—

The next day at the office, you were surprised to find that the Headmistress of Nevermore Academy, Larissa Weems, has replied. With a nervous breath, you opened the email:

Dear Miss Y/l/n,

I am pleasantly surprised about learning of your interest in outcasts, my students and the school in general. There are, however, a few things I would like to clarify first.

Now, if I understood correctly, you wish to catch a glimpse into the life of an outcast to then create a report about our differences and similarities with non-outcasts?

Because of the nature of this request, I have to let you know that I will not tolerate any sort of mockery or bad-mouthing of my students or my school.

You will have to follow our rules, outcast or not.

I won’t allow you to follow one of my students around, as this would pose a serious safety hazard for my students and yourself.

However, you are very welcome to settle yourself into my office and follow me around for however many days you deem necessary.

If this is alright with you, I would be willing to meet you coming Monday at the Weathervane and take you to the Academy.

Sincerely,

Larissa Weems

You released the breath you were holding and smiled to yourself. You replied to Miss Weems, agreeing to her terms and wishing her a wonderful weekend.

The following two hours consisted of preparing everything you needed for your report: a few notepads and notebooks, your laptop, a tablet, your camera and some pens. You couldn't help but feel nervous at the prospect of having the opportunity to report about the outcasts. This was not a subject anyone had ever really done research on, and you were adamant to figure out why everyone seemed so fearful of a bunch of teenagers in a school in the woods.

Over the weekend, you exchanged a few more emails with the Principal, clearing up any last logistical problems you’ve had.

You asked if you were allowed to stay for a week, to which she replied that it would be no problem if you agreed to stay in one of the empty studios that were meant for teachers at Nevermore.

Of course, you agreed.

Monday rolled around, and you were standing in front of the Weathervane, waiting for the Principal of Nevermore to pick you up. You have heard descriptions of her, and you knew she frequented the little Café a lot, yet you have never seen her in person before. Absentmindedly, you sipped on your hot chocolate, typing something on your phone, when suddenly:

“Miss Y/l/n I presume?” A soft voice with a wonderful British accent sounded from beside you. You turned your head to be met with a beige coat. Having to look up you finally made eye contact with the woman whose beautiful voice ripped you out of your thoughts.

You smiled up at her, nervousness flooding your chest as you took in the beauty of the woman in front of you.

“Principal Weems. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” you said quietly, nerves completely taking over your logical mind and body. You reached your hand out to shake hers. She took her beige glove off, and took your hand in hers. Her hand was soft, warm and wrapped perfectly around yours. Perfectly manicured red nails decorated her pale skin.

“Likewise!” She smiled down at you and removed her hand, putting her glove on again, and you immediately missed the feeling of her hand on yours.

“Are you ready for us to leave, Miss Y/l/n?”

“Oh… yes, of course!” You grabbed your bag with your equipment and personal items and followed her to her car. You set your luggage in the boot and sat in the passenger seat. Larissa sat in the driver's seat and started driving towards the Academy. After some silence, you spoke up again.

“Thank you so much for letting me stay at the Academy for a week.” Larissa smiled to herself and quickly glanced over at you before eyeing the road again.

“I should thank you. My students usually don’t get this sort of… exposure to the outside world. We are used to people avoiding us because of… fear or discrimination… whatever you want to call it.” Her tone shifted to a quieter and more serious one, her hands gripping the steering wheel just a little tighter. You sensed a shift in energy and gave her a reassuring smile.

“I believe everyone deserves a chance to be understood and seen.” You replied, and that seemed to relax the headmistress. She shot you a thankful smile, then focused back on the road, the rest of the ride being spent in comfortable silence.

—

Once at Nevermore, Larissa showed you around the grounds, having one of the teachers carry your possessions to the on-campus studio flat, which will be your new home for the following week.

Roaming the halls, it didn’t seem much different than a school for regular humans (besides it being incredibly fancy, of course) and you found that the students seemed like sweet kids. Truly, you couldn’t understand how there was so much hatred and fear surrounding these kids.

Larissa led you to her office, offering you a separate desk to work on. You set your laptop bag on the desk and turned to look at the headmistress, who was standing next to her desk.

“Now, Miss Y/l/n, you are free to follow me around the Academy whenever you want, but I trust you understand why I wouldn’t want you roaming the halls on your own.” She looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course, Miss Weems!” you reassured her quickly. “I understand how important it is for you to protect these kids… but I can assure you there are no ill intentions by me being here! After what I’ve seen thus far, I cannot believe why anyone would be fearful of outcasts. This is why I’m here. I don’t believe that these kids are as dangerous as everyone in Jericho, let alone the rest of the world, believes them to be.” You looked at her, and there was a slight shift of emotion on her face. Hope? Distrust? Surprise? You didn't know. After a few seconds of silence, the headmistress spoke up again.

“Very well,” she said, grinning at you with her million-dollar-winning smile. “If you ever feel like you would like to see more of the school or learn about its history, don’t be afraid to ask.” Her smile softened slightly. She seemed very fond of her students and her Academy. It truly warmed your heart, and you couldn't help but blush slightly. With a slight nod, you thanked her and sat down, getting your things ready to start your research.

Every now and then throughout the morning, you caught yourself glancing over at the tall woman. She sat in perfect posture, working on her laptop and typing away on some emails or documents. You didn’t realise how long you had been staring at her. The way her eyes flicked over the screen and the way she swiftly moved her fingers over the keyboard had you in a trance-like state. Her perfectly painted red lip curled up on the side, and she raised one of her eyebrows.

“Has no one taught you that staring is rude?” Her eyes flicked over to yours, and you quickly averted your eyes back on your own screen, mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’ her way. Your face felt hot, and you knew you were blushing, hard. Larissa chuckled and shook her head a bit in amusement. She stopped her typing and leaned back against the seat, turning to look at you, studying you as if she were… considering you. Shyly, you moved your gaze back to her.

“Would you like to have a look at one of the classes? Our subjects can vary drastically from the ones in your schools.” she smiled at you and tilted her head slightly.

“I-I would appreciate that, yes.” You answered, nodding, and quickly moved to grab your notepad and pen. When you looked back up, Larissa was already standing and walking towards the door of her office, only stopping to wait for you to catch up.

This morning, the headmistress took you to several classes, telling you about all the different subjects they have. You eagerly took notes, asking questions and listening intently to subjects you’d never heard of. Magic, transformation, siren song, etc. You were fascinated, and that didn’t get lost on Larissa. The longer she watched you, the more fond she grew of you. Your interest and amazement made her heart swell with pride for her school and her students. Even though she was rather careful of what to show you, she felt that this might be the biggest step ever made for outcasts to be accepted into everyday normie lives.

—

The day went by way faster than you would have wished for it. You have learned so much and were eager to learn even more. Larissa had taken her time explaining their school system to you and while you saw drastic differences, it still didn’t feel too out of the norm. There was one particular student that caught your eye. A rebel, you thought, someone who likes to prank and go against the rules. Those exist in every school, of course, but this girl seemed different. She did it with such nonchalance and elegance that it was almost invisible to the untrained eye.

After asking the headmistress, she told you about the student. Not much, just enough to answer your questions. Larissa seemed tense so you decided to change the subject, asking her about her own time at the school, and from then on the two of you got completely lost in conversation. Hours passed, and you shared your school experiences and collectively decided that they weren't all too different. With a heavy sigh, you leaned against the couch and watched Larissa refill yours and her wine glass.

“I have to be honest, even after just one day I have seen enough to tell you that this,” you waved your hand around, “is definitely nothing to be afraid or weary of. I mean… I always knew that the other… “normies”... are being way too sensitive when it comes to this place and its students but seeing it for myself… I simply can’t understand why there's so much hate and fear towards these poor students.” You sighed and took a sip of wine. “I mean… they're just kids aren't they?” You glanced up at the headmistress to see her smiling at you softly, humming in agreement.

“I have to be honest, Miss Y/l/n-”

“Y/n! You can call me Y/n if you want to,” you interrupted her with a smile, looking back into your glass as you felt your face blush.

“Y/n… I am surprised and… relieved.” She smiled sweetly at you then looked into the fireplace, a sad expression crossing her face. “I wish more people could see the kids for who they are instead of for what they are.” A sigh left her lips and she took a sip of wine. “It’s not easy being… different… an outcast. You can try all you want, there will always be a hint of fear and doubt in non-outcasts.” She turned to look at you, her icy blues piercing yours. “Are you afraid, Y/n?” she asked, quietly, almost inaudible, but you caught the slight shiver in her voice. It broke your heart to see her like this. You didn’t really know that woman except for what she was willing to tell you, but you knew, without a doubt, that she was the most precious being on the entire planet, and you would move planets just to see her at peace. Without really thinking about it, you set your glass down and moved to hold one of her hands.

“Miss Weems… Larissa… if I may?” you started, gently, and she nodded at you, “I do not claim to know what you and your students have to go through, day by day. Being villainized, misunderstood and what not. But what I do know is that I want to help you make a difference. The kids are nothing but kids… Powers and mutations aside… No matter how different you may seem from me, you are still a person. You don’t deserve to be treated like they treat you… all of you.” You smiled at her with a caring expression on your face and gently squeezed her hand. Larissa looked at you, eyes trained on your face, searching for lies, but she couldn't find any. She inhaled shakily and took a big sip of her wine then squeezed your hands back.

“Thank you,” was all she replied. You didn’t need more. You knew she meant it. You felt it. With a last gentle squeeze, you let go of her hand, grabbing your glass again.

“To my… to our project!” you smirked and raised your glass to her. She chuckled and shook her head slightly, looking back at you endearingly and raised her glass as well.

“To our project.”

—

As the week went on, Larissa and you started to develop a little routine. You would meet her in the morning to go to the Weathervane and get some breakfast to-go, spend the morning in her office or with a teacher of her choice (mostly Marilyn Thornhill), have lunch with her and the teachers, writing and researching in Larissas office, a dinner with staff and at the end of the day, a glass (or sometimes a bottle) of her favourite wine on the couch in front of the fireplace. Being around Larissa was incredibly easy. You loved talking to her, listening to her, discussing topics other than schools and outcasts. You felt safe, comfortable… you felt at home. And you weren’t the only one who felt this way. Larissa would catch herself, more than she’d like to admit, looking at you, watching you with adoration as you wrote and researched. She liked you. It wasn't a secret. She loved being around you and was looking forward to the evenings at the fireplace. A refreshing difference she desperately needed. Larissa had grown very fond of you, and she hoped you felt the same.

When Friday evening rolled around you were already sitting on the couch in Larissa’s office, waiting for her to come back with the wine as it suddenly hit you. It was already Friday… you’ll be leaving again on Monday. You’ll have to go back to your office and finish the report. Would you be able to see her again? Could you stay in contact? Larissa entered, placing the bottle and glasses on the table then saw the light crease between your brows as you stared into the flames of the fireplace, obviously deep in thought.

“Y/n?” she asked softly, and laid her hand on your shoulder, and you snapped your head towards her, not having heard her appear next to you. “Are you alright dear?”

“Yeah!..yeah.” You smiled up at her, watching her sit down next to you and opening the wine bottle. “I’ve just realised that it’s already Friday… The week really went by in a flash, huh?” You took the wineglass she held out to you and looked at it, swishing the red liquid around absent-mindedly. Larissa’s heart constricted seeing you like this.

“It did! But… as upsetting as it is, I am glad to see that you enjoyed your week here!” She took a sip of her wine and watched you closely. “That being said, seeing how my students seemed to like you being around,” and I, she thought, “you are more than welcome to return whenever you feel like it.” She watched you closely, seeing your eyes light up made her feel warm and content.

“I would love that Larissa. Thank you! And you are always welcome at the news station. I’ll make sure the others behave, don't worry.” you giggled and winked at her which pulled a small laugh from her lips and she shook her head amusedly. “I mean it!” You smiled as you snuggled into the couch and took a sip of wine, humming as the liquid hit your tongue, “If any of your students ever wants to know more about journalism or is interested in it, let me know. Matter of fact…” you sat up and straightened your back, holding your hand out to the blonde, “give me your phone I’ll give you my number so you can just let me know in case there is something.”

Larissa hesitated. She looked at your hand for a second, then smiled shyly and grabbed her phone, unlocking it and handing it to you to type in your number. She watched fondly as you typed your number in her phone. A slight tingle spread from her chest over her body as she took her phone back after you’ve saved your number.

“Thank you!” she said quietly, “I- really do appreciate it… everything you do. For us. Me and the students.” A soft pink colour kissed her cheeks and she gave you a truly heartfelt smile. You smiled back at her, butterflies spreading through your whole body. Her smile was the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. You knew right there, she had you wrapped around her finger. You have fallen.

—

You were able to finish your report on the last day of your stay in Nevermore, handing it in to be reviewed by your boss so it could be printed and released asap. With a heavy sigh, you leaned back into the chair, stretching your arms and back. Larissa smiled over at you and set her paperwork aside.

“I take it you’ve just handed in your story to be reviewed?” she asked with a gentle smile. Her eyes held a hint of sadness at the realisation that her office would be empty once again. You smiled over at her and nodded gently.

“Yes! Just handed it in! If everything goes well, you’ll be able to read it on Tuesday! And Larissa… thank you again… for everything!”

The blonde stood up, walking over to your side, and placed her hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“I should thank you. This… means way more to us than you could ever imagine!” Her smile was warm, eyes soft. You felt a shudder rush down your spine as you realised that you haven’t seen her this soft with anyone but you. All of this vulnerable affection was only directed towards you, only to be seen by your eyes.

You wanted to tell her… tell her that you like her. Tell her that she is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever had the pleasure to lay your eyes on. Just as you were about to open your mouth, she pulled away.

“If you want to, I can drive you back. I could drop you off at the Weathervane or.. At your place, if you prefer?” Larissa spoke, closing her laptop and putting her paperwork into a drawer. The headmistress didn’t want you to go, but she knew that if she would let you stay longer, she wouldn't be able to hold herself back. Certainly you wouldn’t feel the same… right?

“That.. that would be nice! Thank you!” you replied, feeling defeated. Maybe it was better to keep your feelings to yourself. Who knows, maybe she wasn’t interested in women.. Or simply normies. You took a deep breath, collecting your things and going to your room to pack the last few things. When you returned to the headmistress’ office, she was already waiting for you.

The drive back to Jericho was rather quiet. Neither of you knew what to say to the other. You wanted to tell her everything, pour your heart out to her and so did she, but you stayed quiet. Once you arrived at your Flat Complex, Larissa turned to you.

“It was really nice having you at Nevermore. Again, thank you for doing this for us. And… If you should ever want to come and visit, you are more than welcome to do so! I am sure the Students would love to see you again sometime.” and herself… but she didn't say that. You gave her a genuine smile, nodding slightly.

“I enjoyed my week there! You truly have wonderful students. And, I mean, you have my number so… if you or any of the kids should ever need something, just feel free to contact me!” You hoped she would contact you, but only time could tell.

—

It has been a month since you’ve last heard from Larissa. Your article got approved, and she complimented you on it, thanking you again profusely. That was the last, and only, time you’ve heard of her after staying at Nevermore. Sure, she was a busy woman, but you couldn’t help but feel upset. And you wouldn’t text her first, no. The anxiety that arose in you every time you tried to do so was enough to completely freeze you. So when you walked into the Weathervane on a Thursday morning to grab a coffee, you were more than delighted to see her there, quickly walking up to her.

“Good morning, Principal Weems” you said softly, watching her turn around and seeing her eyes light up as she saw you.

“Good morning Y/N!” she replied with a smile. That darn beautiful smile of hers. “Are you also here to grab some breakfast before work?” she asked, turning fully to you, all herattention focused on you, your face, those eyes she came to admire over the time you’ve spent at her school.

“I am but.. Uhm… if you’re not in a hurry, would you like to have breakfast with me?” you did it, you asked her. The second the question left your lips, you felt your cheeks heat up. Larissa looked at you with adoration and nodded.

“I would love to, actually!” She smiled and tilted her head slightly. She noticed your blush and couldn’t help but feel giddy about it. Was she the reason you blushed?

“Wonderful! What do you want? It’s my treat!” You smile, feeling a bit more confident now, seeing her soft and happy gaze directed only at you.

“Oh, you really don’t have to-”

“But I want to!”

Larissa sighed, shaking her head slightly with a grin, and chuckled at how adamant you were.

“Fine. Next time, it’s my treat!” She gave you her order and went to sit at a booth, waiting for you to join her. You couldn’t believe your ears. Next time? There will be a next time? The smile that spread on your lips could only be described as the smile of a happy fool. Truly, you were a fool. A fool for her.

After you’ve ordered and paid for your coffees and pastries, you made your way over to her, slipping into the booth.

“So… how have you been? How have the kids been?” you asked, trying to make small talk. You felt so awkward, but that feeling quickly washed away as you saw Larissa’s soft smile.

“Very well! Your report had quite the impact on how people from Jericho treat my students. I just wanted to thank you again. The effect this has had on our lives is way greater than I could have hoped for. The article… your words… truly left an impact.” She reached her hand out, grabbing yours and squeezing it lightly.

“Thank you!”

Your smile grew tenfold, and you squeezed her hand back.

“I am so happy to hear that this has worked out so well for you and your students.” You shyly pulled your hand back and thanked the waiter when he placed your drinks and pastries in front of you.

“How have you been y/n?” Larissa asked. She was looking at you… into you… into your soul with those beautiful ice-y blue eyes. You felt your cheeks heat up and grabbed your cup as well, trying to ground yourself.

“I’ve been well! The Article has caught a lot of attention, so I’ve been rather busy lately…” You smiled at her and took a sip as she watched.

“Though I do have to say, I miss being around the kids…” and around you, you thought to yourself. The blonde eyed you over her coffee mug and smiled sweetly.

“In that case, would you like to come to the Rave’N this weekend?” She did it… she asked you. Her heart was beating like crazy but seeing the light blush covering your face she couldn't help but feel proud of herself.

“The Rave’N? Really?” You asked, not believing your ears. Larissa nodded and tilted her head.

“Yes really! Our theme this year is ‘Climate crisis meets extinction effect’ and the dress code is white.” She took a bite of her pastry and smiled at you. You thought for a second. You didn’t have any white outfits, so you’d definitely have to buy one, but you’d be damned if you wouldn’t agree to her invitation.

“In that case, I’d love to!” The smile you gave her made Larissa’s heart melt. How were you so precious? She nodded slightly.

“I’ll have Marilyn pick you up here at around 5:30pm on Saturday. The students will be excited to see you again!” She finished her coffee and snack and stood up.

“I’d love to stay longer, but I have to get back to Nevermore… I’ll see you this Saturday, dear.” and with that, she left your flustered self in the Weathervane.

—

Shopping for an appropriate but also impressive garment was not easy. You currently had 2 dresses in front of you and couldn’t decide which one to pick. One was made of silk and rather simple but had an extravagant high slit up your right thigh and a very low back, whereas the other covered more of your back and arms but was a bit shorter with a princess gown puff skirt. You sighed and decided to put them on again, took a picture of you wearing them and sent them to Marilyn. You and her had gotten rather close during the week you spent at Nevermore, and you’d kept contact even afterwards. She was such a sweetheart, but she was also a pain in the ass as she has been nagging you about your outfit all afternoon already.

It didn’t take long for you to be flooded with messages of Marilyn going crazy over the silk dress.

Marilyn:

“Oh, you SO have to get the silky one! Larissa won’t be able to keep her eyes off of you”

Y/N:

“What do you mean? Why would you say that?”

Marilyn:

“Oh come ooooon… It is SOOOOOOO obvious that you have the hots for her… just pick the silk one.”

You were sure Marilyn would laugh at you if she could see you right now. Your face was bright red because you’d been found out. Was it really that obvious? Did Larissa know? Was that why she invited you? Could she... no. No, that probably wasn’t the case... Just wishful thinking. With a sigh you looked back on your phone.

Y/N:

“Fine. I’ll get the silk one. But just because you picked it 😛”

You got dressed again and went to buy the garment.

Once back at home, you took your time to look for hair and makeup inspiration to complete your look and be ready for Saturday. Marilyn and you had been texting back and forth all day, and she’d helped you pick the perfect hairstyle and makeup for the Rave’N.

You were nervous… of course you were, but there was this little glimmer of hope starting to take hold within you. Maybe Larissa really did like you.

—

You were waiting in front of the Weathervane for Marilyn to come and pick you up.

Were you nervous? Absolutely!

Were you excited? Definitely!

But you couldn’t help and worry… worry about… you were actually not sure. Your nerves were getting the better of you and there was nothing that could be done against it. Not that you haven’t tried… you definitely did! You went through every trick in the book.

Breathing exercise? No effect.

Meditation? Nothing.

A tea? That just made you worried that you would spill it on your dress, so that wasn’t helping at all.

So you just stood there… waiting.

“Hey! You good?” you suddenly heard someone call out to you and released a sigh.

“Marilyn! Hey!” You smiled at your friend and got into the car, leaning over to give her a hug.

“Not really… my nerves are taking over right now.” You groaned.

“You’re just making yourself crazy over nothing! Relax! You’ll be fine!” she smirked and turned her gaze back onto the road, starting towards Nevermore.

“You look amazing by the way!”

You chuckled and looked out of the window. You did look nice… it also took you forever to get ready. You had braided some hair along the sides of your head and pulled everything up into a fluffy space bun, which you decorated with some crystal pins. Your makeup was soft, in nude colours, with a soft peach lip and some sparkly eyeshadow on your eyelids. The dress fit perfectly and hugged every curve of your body, and you had found the perfect off-white heels in your closet.

“Thank you! Wouldn’t have managed to pull this off without you!” You smile and look over at the redhead. Marilyn was grinning to herself.

“If you two hook up, I deserve to be invited to dinner by you!” Your shocked gasp caused her to laugh out loud.

“Oh come on! I know you want her… and to be quite honest…” She raised an eyebrow and glanced over at you with a mischievous smirk. “I think the feelings are mutual.”

The blush that spread on your face was all Marilyn needed to know she was right.

“You’ll see! She’ll be absolutely smitten with you looking like this.”

“We’ll see…” you reply, watching the scenery outside.

Marilyn parked the car and ran around to open the door for you with a dramatic bow.

“M’lady.” she chuckled, and you rolled your eyes amusedly as you got out of the car.

“You’re an idiot!”

The teacher smirked and moved to hold her arm out for you to hold. She led you into the building and guided you towards the great hall.

You weren’t expecting to be swarmed by students the second you entered the ballroom.

“Hi Y/N! What are you doing here?”

“You look gorgeous! Who invited you?”

“It’s so nice you’re back! Come! Let's go dance!”

“Do you want something to drink? I’ll get you some punch!”

You were being surrounded and swarmed by the students, and it warmed your heart to see how excited they were by your presence. Marilyn slipped away from you without you noticing, the second she realised someone was walking up to the newly formed commotion around your presence. You struggled answering all of their questions when suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder and the students grew quiet.

“Now, now… dear y/n has just arrived, don’t crowd her like that. You’ll have enough time to have a chat with her tonight.” The smooth British voice echoed from behind you and a pleasant shudder ran down your spine. The students nodded and went back to their friends on the dance floor. You turned around to look up at the principal.

Larissa couldn’t help but let her eyes roam over your figure. The dress you chose was absolutely exquisite, your makeup complimenting the simplicity of the outfit and your hair that just looked too soft. Vulgar thoughts flooding her mind as she finally caught your eyes. You were looking up at her with big doe eyes, so innocent and sweet.

“Come in! Want something to drink?” she asked as she gently took your arm and led you into the ballroom. You couldn’t believe your eyes. Larissa looked… She was a goddess. Her hair was up like always but decorated with some intricate curls, her usual red lipstick a wonderful contrast to the silver dress she was wearing. Looking up at her, you saw her eyes scanning you, your heart skipping a beat. Her pupils dilated as she finally landed on your eyes, and you had to suppress a whimper. This woman will be the death of you. It took you a few seconds to register her question and notice her arm intertwined with yours.

“I- yes… please!” you answered quietly, not being able to suppress the grin gracing your lips.

Larissa handed you a glass of punch and took one herself. You stood at the edge of the dance floor with her, watching the kids having fun.

You really wanted to dance with her, but didn’t know how to ask. Should you ask? What if she said no? What if she thought you were weird, and she only wanted to invite you for the kids’ sake? But… What if she said yes? What then? You didn’t know how to dance. Sure, you have visited your fair share of parties, but you didn’t think you were a good dancer. And what if you started dancing, and you didn’t do it right, and she would start laughing and-

“What's going on in that head of yours, darling?” Larissa’s soft voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You looked up at her just to catch her already looking at you. Her eyes were soft, a hint of concern shimmering in them. She looked so… soft. You just wanted to pull her into an embrace, a kiss, soft and full of affection. Taking a breath in, you set your glass on a table then held your hand out to her.

“Would you like to dance, Larissa?” you asked, heart hammering in your chest as you saw her eyes widen ever so slightly in surprise. A sweet pink hue coloured her cheeks as she blinked at you a few times, registering what you just asked her. Larissa quickly placed her glass on the table next to yours and moved to put her hand into yours, looking up at you with a shy smile, nodding.

“I would love to!” she said quietly, almost above a whisper. The bright smile that appeared on her face was enough to get her heart racing and head spinning. Your eyes were practically sparkling with glee, and it made her feel so fuzzy and warm inside. To have such happiness and excitement directed towards her was a privilege she’s never experienced before. You giddily pulled her onto the dance floor, not believing your luck.

Marilyn was watching from the corner, watching as you pulled Larissa onto the dance floor. She smirked at the two of you, but something felt weird… the music!

A mischievous smirk graced her features as she waddled off to the DJ and asked him to play a slow and romantic song. The second the music changed, you and Larissa shot a look over at the DJ, seeing Marilyn standing there, innocently waving at the two of you. Oh, you were so going to get revenge on her for that. Your anxiety started kicking in again, but before you could start overthinking it you felt warm hands on your waist. Larissa was pulling you closer, and she just hoped you wouldn’t pull away.

“Is this okay?” Her piercing blue orbs held steady eye contact with you, and you felt your face heat up. With a nod, you move to place your arms on her shoulders, hands close to her neck. She smiled and started swaying with you to the rhythm of the song. Seeing you so shy and flustered by her gave her the necessary courage to take a step closer. She leaned her head down to your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

“You look absolutely delectable tonight, my dear. Have you picked this outfit just for me?” Her hot breath on your skin caused you to bite your lip. You nodded.

“I was hoping you’d like it.” You replied quietly. Larissa tightened her grip on you, squeezing your waist gently, which caused a gasp to leave your lips.

“Dressing up nicely just for me?” She husked, feeling herself getting more confident. Emboldened by the way your body… you reacted to her.

“You’re such a good girl!” You could hear the smirk in her voice. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself.

“It’s a shame this dress will be laying somewhere scattered in my quarters after this ball is over.”

You tightened your grip on her shoulders, pulling her closer. Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest. The tension was high, atmosphere thick with desire. You felt your knees tremble, ready to take whatever she was willing to give you. You pulled your head back a bit, just enough to look into her eyes, and what you saw almost made you whimper with anticipation. Her usually so pale blue eyes were dark, lustrous, her breathing heavier than usual and her lips were slightly parted.

Before either of you could say or do anything, you felt something drip on your cheek. Confusedly, you blinked a few times, and Larissa eyed your cheek in concern.

The drips quickly multiplied, and soon you were showered in, what you believed to be, blood. Your eyes widened as you looked around, unable to move. Everything was getting soaked with this red liquid. What was happening?

Larissa was the first to move. She pulled away from you but grabbed your hand and quickly led you outside, the other staff helping the kids get out of the ballroom as well. Some fled into the courtyard and some into the school halls. There was a big commotion amongst the students, and you and Larissa immediately sprang into action, trying to calm the scared kids. Marilyn came running with a pile of blankets and towels to wrap around the sopping pupils.

Whatever had happened, it was clearly meant as an attack of sorts. You were fuming. Even after all the positive feedback you got for your report, there were still some bad apples in the normie bunch. If you ever caught who did that, they would surely regret pulling a stunt like that.

—

After the, you now knew it to be, red dyed water attack, you helped Larissa, Marilyn and the other employees to bring the kids inside and to their dorm rooms. After the last student was brought to their room, you stood in the foyer, watching Larissa talk to the Sheriff. You could tell she was agitated… mad. But yet she kept her composure, talked calmly and was respectful. A light bump against your shoulder alerted you to the presence of your friend.

“Hey… thanks for your help! You really didn’t have to, you know?” Marilyn smiled defeatedly at you, and you returned the smile.

“It’s okay! I really didn’t mind… Just wished that this wouldn’t have happened… it’s not like they already have it hard enough and now that… I was really hoping that my report had a bigger impact but-”

“Don’t say that!” Marilyn interrupted, “Your article was eye-opening for so many people in town! It definitely helped! Big time! There’s just always gonna be a few assholes trying to ruin everything again.” She was clearly frustrated as well. You looked at her and chuckled, then shook your head.

“I guess you’re right..” You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck. The two of you stood in silence for a while until Marilyn noticed you watching Larissa again and smirked.

“Such a shame the two of you got interrupted! It almost seemed as if you were about to kiss.” She teased and your, admittedly already red, face started blushing furiously. You hit her arm lightly.

“Stop teasing!” You hissed, but Marilyn just laughed and nudged you again.

“What are we laughing about?” You both turned your head towards the voice and saw the headmistress standing in front of you. One perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised in curiosity. Marilyn just chuckled and smirked at you, then at Larissa.

“Oh nothing important…” She took a deep breath and then clapped her hands together, “Well… I’ll be off… gotta get that red dye out of my hair somehow. Bye bye.” She waved at the two of you, leaving you alone with Larissa once more. She really had the audacity to leave you in situations like these every single time she had the opportunity to. You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. Larissa watched Marilyn in confusion, then turned to you.

“Y/N… thank you for helping out with the students! I- am so sorry you had to experience this…” She sounded… sad, upset, worried? You looked up at her and saw her looking at you.

“It’s quite alright! I’m just sad they had to experience that! It’s not fair… they’re good kids and I just don't get why anyone would want to harm them in any way…” You gave her a sad smile, then shyly reached out and grabbed her hand to squeeze it lightly.

“But I did really enjoy dancing with you, Larissa…” she smiled back at you and squeezed your hand back.

“As did I… uhm… would you like to come back to my quarters and get that paint washed off? Maybe have a glass of wine?” She was nervous. She was nervous and you could tell. The way her hand lightly trembled, and her eyes darted away from yours while asking. It filled your heart with that fuzzy warm feeling. You nodded and stepped to the side, still holding her hand.

“Lead the way!”

—

In Larissa’s quarters, she quickly went into the bathroom, returning with a damp cloth and some makeup wipes in the hopes of getting the dye off your skin and hair. You managed to wipe the paint off your face without any issues, but it really stuck to your hair. Larissa went to quickly shower off the paint, and you couldn't help but think about her in the shower. Water streaming down that smooth alabaster skin. You wished you could have joined her.

As Larissa got out of the shower, your breath got stuck in your throat. Her damp hair framed her face in gentle curls. She wasn’t wearing any makeup now, and you seriously didn’t think that this woman could get any more beautiful, but, alas, it seems you were mistaken. Before you stood a goddess in champagne coloured silk pyjamas.

Larissa blushed lightly and smiled at you as she saw you staring. She walked up to you and gently examined your hair, your nostrils filling with the scent of her shampoo by the close proximity of her.

“Seems the dye really stuck to your hair… here.” She handed you a fresh towel and some spare pyjamas.

“You can take a shower if you want to!” She added quietly. You smiled back at her and nodded, taking the items in your hands.

“Thank you! I’ll… uhm… I’ll be right back” You stammered out and quickly made your way to the bathroom. It was luxurious, like the rest of her quarters. You weren't surprised that she handed you the probably softest towel ever and the most luxurious pyjama you ever had the honour of wearing. This woman had an immaculate taste, and it was evident in every aspect of her life.

After your quick shower, you tossed the towel into the laundry hamper in the corner of the room and walked out, your dress in your hands. That was definitely ruined now.

You entered the living room again and saw Larissa sitting on her couch in front of the fireplace, two glasses and a bottle of wine on the small table in front of it. You put your dress in your bag and sat next to her. She looked over and smiled softly, handing you a glass of wine, which you took gratefully.

“Thank you! And thanks that I got to use your shower and… borrow some clothes! I really appreciate it.” You smiled at her and took a sip of the wine. Holy mother of god… of course, the wine was absolutely spectacular. Larissa smiled.

“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I could do.. Plus, I do have to admit I like how my Pyjamas look on you.” She smirked and took a sip of her wine. Larissa eyed you as you just looked at her with wide eyes and a bashful look on your face. You sat the glass down and turned to look at her, clearly gathering your courage to say whatever was on your mind. She thought you looked adorable like that. However, what came out of your mouth next was not something she’d expected to hear.

“It’s truly a shame that you didn’t get to take my dress off and discard it somewhere in your room…” You smirked at her smugly, but before you could continue your teasing, she had you already pressed against the cushion of the couch. Looking at her, you saw her eyes were full of lust, full of hunger. She gently lifted your head with her finger under your chin, forcing you to keep eye contact as she gently pressed her knee between your legs. You inhale sharply and look at her, lust evident in your gaze.

“If you want me, all you have to do is say it.” She husked, ghosting her lips over yours. Larissa loved the way you trembled underneath her, but every time you tried to close the gap, she would pull away.

“You have to say it, darling,” she whispered. You were getting restless, a needy whine escaping you.

“Please Larissa…” You whimper and look at her with your best puppy eyes.

“Please what, darling?”

“Please… I need you… I want you,” you breathe out. The heat began to build, and you could already feel that you were soaked. Larissa grinned down at you.

“Good girl!”

You didn’t have time to react as Larissa finally closed the gap, pulling you into a bruising kiss. It was so full of need and lust. Your lips moved against hers in perfect harmony. Wrapping your arms around her, you pulled her close.

The kiss quickly grew hot, passionate. Larissa bit your lower lip, causing you to gasp and giving her the perfect opportunity to deepen the kiss. She explored your mouth with her tongue, leaving you in a state of dizzying bliss. Her skilled tongue fought with yours for dominance, kissing you with such fervour that both of you almost ran out of breath.

You pulled apart just quickly to catch your breaths before Larissa attacked your neck with hot open-mouthed kisses. Trailing her tongue over your pulse point, then latching on to it and sucking hard. Your back arched into her, head tilting to the side to give her better access.

The aching between your legs became almost unbearable. You wrapped one of your legs around her hips, pulling her closer, but Larissa gently pulled away, causing a pathetic whine to escape.

“Patience darling!” She husked as she sat up and swiftly picked you up, carrying you to her bedroom and dropping you on the bed. The second you laid there, she was already on you again, her lips continuing their assault on your neck. Larissa moved to slowly unbutton the pyjama shirt you were wearing, but you were too impatient. With a swift motion, you helped her unbutton the rest of the shirt and pulled it off of your body, leaving you with a bare chest. Larissa chuckled darkly.

“Impatient are we?” she roamed her hands over your soft stomach, cupping one of your breasts. Dipping her head down again, she moved to the other breast and took your hardened nipple in her mouth, teasing it with her teeth and tongue. You moved your hands in her hair, pulling gently at the sensation she was rewarding you with. Larissa moaned against your breast as a reaction which caused you to buck your hips up. You were so desperate for her, and it was so pathetic, but you didn’t care. All you could feel, small, taste, hear, was her. And you needed more.

“Rissa please,” you groaned as you felt her lips travel towards the hem of the pyjama trousers.

“Need you,” you breathed out. Looking down, you saw her smirk up at you. As she pulled away again you were about to protest but seeing her take her blouse off silenced you immediately. You sat up, reaching out to her and running your fingertips over her body, watching goosebumps spreading over her skin. You cupped her breasts and massaged them, teasing her nipples with your fingers as you leaned in to kiss her.

Larissa melted into your touch and kiss. Quiet sighs and moans leaving her lips as she laid you back down.

“I need to taste you darling,” she whispered between kisses, and you whimpered in response, nodding gently.

“Please! Please…”

Larissa kissed her way down your body again, pulling the trousers down as she moved her kisses down your legs. She threw the trousers somewhere into the dark of the room, then moved her hands to your knees, spreading your legs gently. She groaned at the sight of a wet spot on your white lace underwear. The blonde looked up at you, watching your reaction as she ran her thumb over the wet spot, pressing down on it gently. Your back arched off the bed and your mouth opened in a quiet moan.

“P- please Rissa… need you so bad,” you whimpered, rolling your hips against her thumb, needing more friction. In any other situation Larissa would have loved to tease you more, but she was just as desperate to taste you as you were to feel her tongue on you. So without further pause, she swiftly pulled your thong down your legs. She almost moaned at the sight of your glistening cunt in front of her.

“All of this because of me?” she groaned and moved to kiss the inside of your thigh as you nodded.

“You’re such a good girl, y/n.'' Larissa couldn't hold back any more. She had to taste you. The smell of your arousal made her mouth water and her head dizzy. The second her tongue made contact with your wet and hot cunt, the breath got stuck in your throat and Larissa let out one of the most vulgar moans you’ve ever heard, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head.

Larissa wasted no time in eating you out. Her tongue danced around your clit before she captured it between her lips and sucked. You moaned out loud, her name falling off your lips like a prayer. The way she used her mouth on you made you feel ecstatic, you felt like you were on cloud nine. The world, every responsibility you had, everything that has ever bothered or hurt you, everything that has been on your mind and stressing you out lately was just gone.

Larissa never slowed her ministrations on you, listening to your cues, noticing how your body reacted to certain things. She loved how easily your body reacted to her. It's like you were made to be pleased by her.

“R-issa… need more..” you gasped out between moans. You needed more of her, needed her in you. Larissa smirked and ran her tongue over the length of your slit one last time before rubbing two of her fingers against your entrance gently, coating it with your slick. You were so desperate to feel her fill you up, your hips rolling against her, motioning for her to stop teasing you. She easily slipped one finger in as soon as she thought they were wet enough. You let out a low moan and moved against her as she started pumping her finger in and out slowly. After a while, she pushed a second finger in and watched you grip the sheets.

“You take me so well, my love.” She praised and moved kisses up your body as she picked up speed with her fingers. Larissa managed to hit spots no one ever had, curling her fingers against that soft, spongy spot that made you see stars. Your walls clenched around her fingers, and you felt the coil tighten in your abdomen.

“M’close… Riss-ah” your moans only spurred her on more. She wanted to hear you, she wanted to see you come undone, she wanted to hear her name on your lips over and over and over again. Larissa picked up her pace again, using her thumb to rub small circles over your sensitive clit. The coil in your abdomen was about to snap, and she felt it.

“That's it! Cum for me, y/n. Let me hear you,” she husked into your ear as she nibbled on your earlobe. That was all you needed for the coil to snap. Your legs and arms wrapped around her, needing her impossibly close as you came on her hand with a cry of her name. Larissa was gentle. She helped you ride out your orgasm and then very carefully pulled her fingers out. Your limbs went weak and dropped from her. You lay on the bed, breathing heavily and exhausted. You felt a shift on the bed but didn't have the strength to open your eyes. A few minutes later you felt the mattress dip again then felt a soft, damp and warm sensation between your legs. Larissa had gotten some towels to help clean you up. She used the damp one to clean between your legs and used a dry one to dab the sweat off your face.

A soft smile spread over your lips as the blonde returned the towels, then came back and laid in bed next to you. Pulling her closer, you started to press soft sleepy kisses to her chin and neck, but she stopped you gently. You looked up at her with a pout, and she kissed your forehead gently.

“Rest!” She whispered and pulled you close. You frowned at her.

“But I want to make you feel good too,” you whispered back and held tightly onto her. She just shook her head, a content and also sleepy smile gracing her features.

“You can. Tomorrow! We have all day to ourselves tomorrow,” she replied and stroked your cheek gently, looking into your eyes lovingly. You smiled and nodded, snuggling into her embrace, you let out a quiet and content sigh. This felt right. This felt like home.

“Good Night Rissa.”

“Good Night y/n.”

-------

I hope you liked it <3 Comments are greatly appreciated :3

#fanfic #queer #ao3 #reader insert #sapphic #wlw #gwendoline christie #gwendoline christie fanfics #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems #wednesday #larissa weems x fem!reader

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airenyah · 5 months ago

Text

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 8

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

Oof. This took me way longer than planned. Partly, because I had some uni assignments to work on and partly, because I went home the weekend after episode 8 dropped and ended up binging the entirety of Star in My Mind with my mother. On her request, btw. Who am I to say no to my mother when she wants to watch a JoongDunk show for the 3rd time together. I actually meant to upload it a day or two ago, but then I kept realizing and noticing and remembering details that I really wanted to add, some of which were also language related, so I then needed to check with my Thai language correspondents which also took some time as I waited for their replies.

But here it finally is! I know in my last meta I said it was my longest one yet, but this one's even longer, actually. Watch my metas hit 20k words by the end of the series lmao. Anyway, enjoy. And apologies in advance if my ep9 meta is also late, since I had to finish this one first. I promise I'll try my best to get it done before ep10 <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: So Fadel and Bison found out. Fadel and Bison are mad. Fadel and Bison want to kill Kant and Style. Style was drugged, kidnapped, found himself tied up at a pool staring down the barrel of his own boyfriend's gun, survived, and then drove off into the sunset, uh, I mean went on a little road trip in search of his best friend and his boyfriend's brother/best friend's boyfriend. As bleak as things may seem with Style being back at square one with the added challenge that Fadel now actively wants to kill him, this, at the same time, may be one of the best things that has ever happened to Style, because finally everything is out in the open. Style no longer has any secrets to keep (except for the deal with the car) and he can finally be brutally honest in everything he says and everything he does.

No. 1: Midnight Mote– Oh Wait Wrong Show

We meet them as they're pulling into the parking lot of a motel. Since it seems to be pretty late at night, I think it's fairly safe to assume that they were driving all day, likely non-stop. The first thing out of Style's mouth is a horny line. "Why are we at a motel? Did you get turned on while we were on the way or what?" And just from that line alone we can actually see how far he's come since the beginning of the series and how far he's come in his feelings for Fadel too. Remember my first few metas about the first few episodes of the show and how I would go into whether Style really meant his flirty comment or not? I don't think in this moment Style was actually trying to seduce Fadel (we know how he acts when he does want to seduce him and we'll even get to see an example of it in a bit when they're in the room), but it's still very different from his flirty/horny comments in the first couple of episodes in the series where he also wasn't really genuinely trying to seduce Fadel. Back then, a lot of his comments were very loud in a performative kind of way, as if he was saying them for an audience, not because he actually meant what he said. This one here? There is absolutely none of that loud, performative energy to be found. No, Style makes this comment very casually, almost matter-of-factly even as if he's asking something like So, what do you want for dinner tonight?

It's no longer a performance to him. In fact, he's quite serious about it and while it was an offhanded rhetorical question, it still almost sounds like an honest question. The flirting is no longer a joke to Style the way it was in the first three episodes of the series. He genuinely wants to know. But Fadel shuts him down and orders him to get out of the car. Style is a bit annoyed at the dismissal, but by now he's also used to it. After all, he did spend four episodes doing nothing but hitting one wall after the other. And just like back then, he won't let Fadel shake him off that easily. So Style complains: "I’m just curious so I know what to expect. It’s not like I can just turn the switch on, you know?" Again, this is not a performance. In fact, this time around, he's even more serious than compared his comment before. He may not be planning on actively seducing Fadel right here right now in the car, but who is Style to say no if the opportunity to sleep with Fadel arises? For Style, sleeping with Fadel is absolutely on the table if Fadel makes the offer. And so Style lets him know. "I’m just curious so I know what to expect." Will you be sleeping with me? Are you planning on sleeping with me?

Fadel takes a moment to reply and there is an interesting expression on Style's face as he waits for an answer:

Style is watching him carefully, really observing Fadel's face. He's done this before when he's hit Fadel with a flirty or suggestive line, but where before his expression would always be one of excitement or amusement or curiosity or sometimes even smugness, this time it's completely serious. It's almost as if Style is searching for something. But searching for what?

As I mentioned above, I don't think Style is actively trying to seduce Fadel here. I think he's more testing the waters. Because while yes, Fadel has slept with him before and yes, Fadel is in love with him and Style knows it (he will later confirm it for himself at the end of the episode), the problem is that Fadel is also very pissed at him right now and is actively planning to kill him, has actively tried to kill him only hours ago, actually. If that doesn't send confusing signals, then I don't even know anymore. And so Style needs to figure out where exactly he stands with Fadel right now – that's what Style is searching for when he's staring at Fadel. He's trying to see how far Fadel has pushed him away now that the lies have come to light, is trying to find out how close Fadel will let him come now that Fadel has calmed down a bit from his tantrum at the pool. Will Fadel let Style get close enough again to maybe even be willing to sleep with him like before? Is their relationship maybe not in ruins yet? Has Fadel's anger faded enough? Does Style still have a chance with him? Is there a chance they can go back to the happiness they shared before all hell broke loose? This matters to Style and it matters a lot. And so he tries to look for the answers in Fadel's face as he waits for Fadel's reply. And after a moment, Fadel lifts his gun and hits him with:

I didn't take you here to sleep with you. กูไม่ได้พา��ึงมาเอาเนาะ [guu mâi dâai paa mueng maa ao nó] I - not - take - you - come - sleep with - [particle] Official subs: I’m not sleeping with you.

Sex is not the purpose for which Fadel made Style drive to a motel of all places. Fadel informs Style that this is where he's meeting Bison and repeats his order for Style to get out of the car. Style actually stares at Fadel for a second before he reacts:

This is the second right before Style turns his head and says he'll wait. And again I think this is him taking in Fadel's response and his brain working out where exactly Fadel has put him now. That's important info for Style to know. Style needs to understand where exactly he stands, because he needs to find out how much distance precisely it is that he has to overcome so that he can figure out a way to overcome that distance. Because Style doesn't want there to be any distance between the two of them at all. But Fadel clearly won't let Style get anywhere close right now. So Style turns his head and announces that he'll be waiting in the car. He's not in the mood to follow along, Fadel is a big boy and can go and get his brother by himself. Fadel, however, isn't in the mood to play either. He points his gun at Style's head again and tells him no. Style will not be waiting in the car. Style looks severely unimpressed.

Fadel orders Style to follow him, and in fact, not just to follow Fadel but walk in front of him, actually, thank you very much. And yes, Fadel does literally say "follow me", not "come along":

ตามกูมา [dtaam - guu - maa] follow - me - come Official subs: You come with me.

As a translation student I think it's a shame the translator didn't stick to a literal translation here, because I think it's pretty funny how Fadel is all "follow me" at first until he remembers that "following" implies walking behind someone and then changes his mind and tells Style to take the lead instead so that Fadel can actually keep an eye on him and threaten him with his gun if need may be. With Fadel ordering Style to walk behind him at first, I think it highlights his unspoken threat of "Walk in front of me (where I can see you)" even more and it's a shame the translator removed that. But despite the threat, Style just continues to be unimpressed. In fact, Fadel is really starting to get on Style's nerves now. And so he rolls his eyes and sighs the biggest sigh ever to make sure Fadel really can't miss how Style feels about this, how he feels about getting out of that car, how he feels about Fadel bossing him around and threatening him and waving a gun in his face.

Style is so fucking done with Fadel's stupid fucking act. And Style knows it's an act, he knows Fadel won't be killing him. At least not any time soon. And especially not right here in the parking lot of this motel. Fadel steps out of the car and Style watches him, then shakes his head, annoyed, before he follows Fadel's lead and gets out of the car as well.

They make their way towards the aunty and Fadel actually does fall behind Style as they walk. Once they reach the aunty, Fadel starts questioning her about Bison. She recognizes Bison on the photo, but hasn't seen him in a while. Aunty is worried and asks if he ran away from home. Style immediately jumps in and comes up with a reasonable story.

@secriden has an interesting thought about this:

[T]he story Style comes up with about why they're looking for a missing person on their own like this (instead of, y'know, going to the police like upright, non-hitman citizens would've) was really good to explain their urgency/frustration and preempt any suspicion so that the auntie is unlikely to report them to the cops. Style is actively, genuinely helping Fadel out and using his excellent skills at playing Asian aunties to full effect for him. Ugh, just look at how earnest and worried Style's expression is!? He totally disarms the auntie while I bet she would've been a lot more suspicious and distrustful if grumpy face on the left had come asking questions alone.

I think this is certainly an aspect of it, but I'm not sure how much of it is Style consciously doing this in order to help Fadel out and to keep the aunty from getting too suspicious and how much of it is Style acting on instinct. Not to mention, part of this is definitely also Style just being a chatty cat, ready to strike up a conversation with anyone who'll listen to him talk. Especially when it involves aunties that he can wrap around his finger with his charm. That is Style's personality after all.

I also love how Style drops the "boyfriend" without a second thought. Because obviously they are still boyfriends. Yes, Fadel drugged him and kidnapped him and pulled a gun on him and nearly killed him but never once did he utter the words "I'm breaking up with you" or "This relationship is over". So of course this relationship is very much still on. Why wouldn't it be?

Though let me just say, I don't think Style necessarily called Fadel his boyfriend deliberately in this moment in the sense of that he is actively trying to send some kind of underlying message to Fadel. I mean, in a way yes, but this boyfriend mention is very casual (as if it's the most self-evident thing in the world) and so I don't think his main goal here is to send some kind of deliberate pointed message along the lines of Do you hear that Fadel, I truly love you and I still consider you my boyfriend to Fadel, because if that were the case, he would have highlighted the word "boyfriend" more. Style will be calling Fadel his boyfriend very deliberately and pointedly later in the episode after a certain confrontation. But for now, this underlying message is more of a side thought.

Aunty asks if the two of them want a room. Style say yes. Fadel says no. Style insists. He's tired and there's no point in continuing their search for Bison right now. Fadel is stubborn. They have to keep going. Style starts getting overdramatic and flaunts his waist. Aunty supports Style. She refers to Style as Fadel's boyfriend. Style throws Fadel a pleased, warm look and raises his eyebrows at him. See? She's on my side. I'm winning this. Fadel says Style isn't his boyfriend. We don't even get to see Style's reaction to that claim, so I guess it couldn't have hit him too hard. Maybe he was even half expecting this sort of reaction with the way Fadel has been pulling back from him and has been rebuilding his walls.

Aunty tells them she'll be putting them in a special room and Fadel doesn't argue. Aunty presents them with lube and a condom. Style throws Fadel an amused and a little smug look.

No. 2: Of Mechanics and Race Car Beds

Fadel is having one of the worst nights of his life. That special room is very much not to his liking. Style, though, loves it. Obviously. Although, I think he also partly says it to be extra nice to the aunty to make up for Fadel being such a grumpy cat and partly as a way to get under Fadel's skin. The "Fast. Hard. Furious." part especially is a direct message to Fadel. Style is being a little shit again in order to get through to Fadel, but what's different now compared to the early episodes is that there is so now much more fondness that comes with it. When he smiles at Fadel afterwards, there is amusement in his expression, but moreover there is so much warmth and affection as well. There's even an air of playful innocence about it like Don't you agree, baby? 😇

The aunty leaves and Style comments on how he's never had sex in a car before (and to those who are calling bullshit on that statement, let me just point out: he said he never had sex in a car, he didn't say anything about never having sex with a car. I mean, we all saw how he touched Kant's car back in episode 1 🤭🤭🤭). Style takes off his shirt, throws it at Fadel, leans onto the windshield of the car and says some very flirty and suggestive things. Fadel finally gets up from his spot in the very last corner of the room, walks up to Style, grabs his hand and leads it down his own body. Then Fadel leans in for a kiss, only to handcuff Style to the bed.

This whole scene is very reminiscent of the kitchen scene at the start of episode 4. In both scenes Style says flirty and suggestive shit with the actual goal of getting into Fadel's pants, in both scenes Style makes a comment about how it's like a sex fantasy (Note: in episode 4 the subs say "wild", but since he is literally saying an English loanword I think you can hear it for yourself and don't need me to spell it out for you in Thai like I usually do), in both scenes Fadel is trying to push Style away, in both scenes Style is also trying to annoy Fadel in some way. And yet both of these scenes go very differently.

In my ep4 meta I discussed why Style genuinely meant all the flirting in the scene and how he was genuinely trying to get into Fadel's pants, but there is one aspect I actually didn't really mention, partly because I was focusing on other things and partly because back then I didn't yet have the comparison of how Style's flirting would be like once they were in an actual relationship and real romantic feelings were involved. I've mentioned before how when Style is saying suggestive things without actually meaning them in the earlier episodes his voice will be louder and his tone much more performative while when he is sincere in his sexual flirting his voice will go more quiet. When Style goes into his whole "I know a guy like you just needs a little nudge" spiel in episode 4 his voice is a lot more quiet than it usually is compared to the insincere flirting which is why (amongst other reasons I discuss in my ep4 meta) I think he definitely meant it, but (and this following part I didn't mention back then) there is something about his tone of voice and also the way he grabs Fadel's crotch in such a rough, unsexy way that makes me think he was also trying to piss Fadel off a bit. It's not just flirting, but it's a challenge too. Because Fadel keeps claiming he didn't miss Style when Style failed to show up at Fadel's usual spots, keeps claiming that Style is a only a bother to him. And so I think, as much as Style was genuinely up for sleeping with Fadel for a second time (the same way something else was, ahem, up that morning when Style awoke from his blissful dream), I think he was also using the chance to try and get under Fadel's skin again, trying to break down Fadel's walls even more, trying to make him admit that he was thinking about Style and that he had grown to like him.

Now in episode 8 Style doesn't need Fadel to admit his feelings anymore. Fadel is his boyfriend already, they've slept together on multiple occasions, and have also gotten to know each other on a deeper emotional level. Yes, Fadel has put his walls back up now that the truth is out, but now Style also knows what lies behind those walls. And so in this scene in the motel room he actively annoys Fadel on purpose, first of all by being flirty in the first place (Style knows exactly that Fadel isn't here to sleep with him since Fadel explicitly told him so when they arrived) and second of all by throwing his shirt at Fadel, which I think is an attempt at kind of connecting to/making contact with Fadel who retreated all the way into the last corner of the room and an attempt at getting some kind of reaction/engagement out of him. And what I've also seen someone note somewhere in the tags is how Style's shirt says "control". Style rids himself of "control" and throws it at Fadel. And we see that in the way he acts.

In the kitchen, even if he let Fadel take the lead once Fadel grabbed his waist and put him onto the table, in the beginning it was still Style who initiated everything, it was Style who moved closer to Fadel and who started touching him. Now in the motel, Style lets Fadel fully be in control from the start. Instead of getting closer to Fadel, Style now stays put exactly where he is. Instead of touching Fadel suggestively as Style did in the kitchen and is generally keen on doing whenever he genuinely wants to get into Fadel's pants he leans on onto the windshield of the car and puts himself on display completely, flaunts himself, offers himself to Fadel in a way that says here I am, take me any time. Style stays put, doesn't touch Fadel, and instead waits as he leaves the choice to engage entirely up to Fadel. Fadel can have him whenever he's ready. Style won't force Fadel before he is ready but he will make sure that Fadel knows loud and clear that Style's offer is here.

Style's tone is also fully grounded and serious now as well as very calm. It's the complete opposite of his loud, showy, performative behavior from the first three episodes when he was trying to "seduce" Fadel and was spewing insincere words. And when he smiles at Fadel, he's kinda amused but there is also so much warmth behind in his expression:

Fadel finally gets up and engages with Style and it's interesting, because back during episode 4 in the kitchen I already thought Style was serious about hooking up with Fadel and it's just so cool to see just how much more serious Style actually gets now that strong romantic feelings are involved. If you watch the kitchen scene from episode 4 and the motel scene from episode 8 back to back you can absolutely tell in which of these scenes Style is full on in love. And what else is interesting is that even though in the kitchen scene from episode 4 Style 10000% means every single thing he says and genuinely wants to hook up with Fadel right then and there, there is still some sort of performative air to his lines when he says "Oh, we’re doing it in the kitchen?" and "Wild. I like it". In episode 4, Style had just found out from the market aunty that his strategy of staying away did have an effect on Fadel, but when Style calls him out on it, Fadel keeps rejecting him and keeps telling him to piss off. And while Style's gut feeling tells him that Fadel does feel something for him, Style doesn't actually know. Because Fadel keeps saying otherwise and keeps pushing him away. But in the kitchen Style genuinely wants something from Fadel and I think when Style makes his comments while Fadel is putting him on the table his words aren't entirely grounded not because he's being insincere, but because he's trying to play it cool. I think he's trying to hide how desperate he is for Fadel to reciprocate his blossoming feelings.

Now in episode 8, though? Style is no longer desperate for it. Sure, Fadel is currently pushing him away again all the time, but it's okay. Because unlike in episode 4, Style now knows for a fact that they're in love. That Fadel is in love with him, too. Fadel is mad at him right now, but that will pass. So when Fadel comes over to (seemingly) go along with Style's seduction, Style doesn't say a word. He doesn't need to anymore. He doesn't have anything to prove anymore. He is confident about their mutual feelings and their relationship now.

Something that both the ep4 kitchen scene and the ep8 motel room scene, and actually also the ep3 storage room scene share is how Style lets Fadel take the lead. Style isn't forcing himself onto Fadel, he sits back and lets Fadel do whatever he wants to do to him.

Fadel grabs Style's hand and leads it down his chest. Style follows with curiosity, looking pleased, clearly happy that Fadel is actually engaging instead of pushing him away and definitely also excited about the prospect of getting some. Fadel leans in for a kiss and Style follows and—

Before Style knows it, Fadel has handcuffed him to the bed. Kissing is off the table, it seems. In episode 4, Style was extremely hurt by Fadel's rejection. Now in episode 8, he's still pretty miffed about it, but he is in no way as hurt as he was that time in the kitchen. Because by now Fadel has done this to him enough times that he's used to it. And also, as I mentioned before, their relationship is on a very different level now. Fadel handcuffs Style and Style is disappointed, but not surprised. Mostly he is just kinda annoyed that Fadel is still keeping up this stupid act. "What the hell? I ain’t running away, you know?"

In episode 4, Style ran off, hurt and humiliated and very enraged. In episode 8, Style stays put. Not that he could have gotten very far even if he had wanted to run off, but Style genuinely doesn't want to. In episode 4, Style spent quite a long time being angry at Fadel for dumping him like that. In episode 8, Style is annoyed for like a second upon realizing what Fadel's plan had been all along, but then he immediately gets over it and meets Fadel with love and warmth instead. Fadel says "I don’t trust you" and Style does talk back, but it's more of an affectionate teasing than an attempt at instigating an actual argument. Style almost smiles at Fadel after he says "And if I need to take a piss?" Fadel lets him know that he will be uncuffing him for that if need may be and Style lowers his gaze. He sees the complimentary gifts and playfully starts teasing Fadel about using them. And unlike earlier, I think this time with that kind, warm smile Style is throwing Fadel, Style's comments about chains and whips and using the complimentary gifts weren't actually meant as genuine seduction. No, I think that was Style's way of saying Hey, I'm not upset with you for chaining me to the bed, I'm not holding that against you. But would you please just drop the act and stop pushing me away all the time?

But Fadel grabs his chin and tells no, he will not be dropping the act: "Didn’t you say you’re tired? I bet it’s because you run your mouth too much. Shut up and go to sleep." Style smiles at Fadel again towards the end of Fadel's new rejection, but that smile falls as soon as Fadel walks away.

And I don't think it's because Style is frustrated that he won't be getting laid that evening after all. I think Style is genuinely disappointed that Fadel continues to push him away like that, that Fadel keeps on being stubborn and refusing to communicate and engage with Style no matter how clear Style makes it that he's not holding a grudge about anything that happened that day, from the drugging to the kidnapping to the attempted murder to the blue-balling. And in addition I think Style is also a little hurt that Fadel won't just trust him at least a little bit and hurt that Fadel keeps acting so distant and stand-offish. Style just wants his boyfriend back.

No. 3: Deliver A Message

Now this scene is interesting because it left some people confused from what I've seen. Is Style being serious with his crying or not? Is he playing Fadel? Especially with the upbeat music that was put in the background at the beginning of the scene. There's another reason why I think this particular scene is confusing (and which was the reason why it confused me in the beginning as well), but that's a topic for a whole separate post. (Side note: While I was still working on this meta, I actually ended up getting an anon about this crying scene and sooo this "separate post" might actually follow at some point, even if I hadn't been planning on actually writing it when I was typing the previous sentence. Stay tuned.) I think multiple readings of this scene can co-exist, but for now I just wanna share what I personally think is happening in this scene.

First and foremost let me just say that I don't think Style is necessarily playing Fadel. If anything, he may be playing the drama up a bit like he tends to do, because that's simply just his personality. He has a tendency to be a bit more dramatic then necessary. But even if he is playing it up, I think it absolutely comes from a genuine place. After all, Style is only human and he has had quite an eventful day. Let's recap...

The day started with Style showing up at the hospital, already antsy because he couldn't reach Kant which was worrisome especially in the context of Fadel's threatening warning of "the two of us have business to finish with the two of you" from the night before. So Style shows up at the hospital, only to find out that his best friend was kidnapped by an actual assassin who is very capable of murdering Kant (Style doesn't know Bison as well as he knows Fadel, so Style has no way to tell whether Bison loves Kant enough to spare Kant's life the way Style can tell with Fadel). And immediately after that he gets ambushed and drugged, which absolutely is a traumatizing thing to go through and certainly must have had some effect on Style, if just subconsciously. Then, he finds himself tied up naked at a pool, which again, would generally be a traumatizing situation to find yourself in, especially when someone you know is very capable of taking other people's lives comes and continuously waves a gun into your face. And yes, by now Style knows Fadel pretty well and so he didn't feel too threatened, but Fadel was also really angry and Fadel also did punch Style in the gut that one time when Style was overly confident that Fadel liked him enough not to harm him. And I think, even if on a surface level Style didn't feel too threatened by Fadel (because Style has learned to read him) on a subconscious level the knowledge that Fadel certainly could and would shoot at any moment if he got too angry is still there. And right at the end of that scene there was a point where Style was genuinely scared for his life. Again, that's pretty traumatizing. And then he spent all day in a tight space with someone who is angry at him and keeps pointing a gun on him. And then he got chained again. And got pushed away by his boyfriend over and over again. Style is only human. And it makes complete sense for all the emotions that he repressed while he was playing it cool in order to get through these traumatizing events to come bubbling up to a surface level now at night where he finally gets to rest.

Lying there, in bed, at night, about to fall asleep, his brain is finally not busy with keeping him alive anymore. His brain finally has the time and the opportunity to process everything that has happened in the last 24ish hours. And as he is lying there in bed his brain is probably playing back everything that has happened and is coming up with a lot of "what if" scenarios. What if Fadel had actually killed him at the pool? What if Fadel will actually kill him in the future just like he actually did punch him in the storage room when Style was confident that he wouldn't? Style's death would come with consequences. We've already heard and seen a lot about Style's loving relationship with his dad and it's no wonder Style thinks of him now. Because Style's death would hurt his dad a lot. Style's dad already lost the mother of his son, now he might lose his only son too? The only family member left in his immediate family? If Style does get murdered, he doesn't wanna die without saying goodbye to his dad. And the only person who would be able to deliver that goodbye message is his own murderer.

I don't think Style meant to cry in the beginning. I do think he was fairly serious in the beginning, but I don't think he was planning on crying about it. It's only when he remembers his mother that it triggers the need to cry, only when he suddenly arrives at his own grief and his own trauma about his mother's death that the tears start flowing. And in my opinion those are real, genuine tears. We've seen Style fake-cry before, we know what his performative crying looks like. Style is a terrible fake-crier and we saw this in episode 4 when he showed up at the Rise Up group meeting for the first time and "cried" about his dog. The crying in the motel bed? Is very far from that.

And it's not just us, the viewers, who know what Style's fake crying looks like. Fadel was at that support group meeting too. Fadel also knows how Style fake-cries. And so when Style starts to cry, Fadel can tell the difference. And it has an effect on him. Except he doesn't really know how to deal with this situation, because Style crying hadn't been part of his plans of kidnapping and killing Style, hadn't been part of his plans to push Style as far away again as possible. And so he awkwardly asks "Are you crying?" (I think a different way to phrase this question would also be "You're crying?") And Style replies in honesty: "Duh. I know I talk all big, but even I am afraid of death."

In the last 24ish hours Style got to feel genuine fear for his life and Style doesn't want to die. He is not suicidal. And yes, he is cocky and confident, sometimes overly so and yes, despite all the threats to his life Style simply went about his day as if it's nothing, but as I said, Style still went through a few traumatizing situations in a very short period of time. Of course, it all had an affect on him. Of course part of him would be afraid. Style is human after all. He is human and he is feeling emotions. And he would really need some comfort right now.

Except all he gets is a "stop being dramatic" and an "I don't wanna listen". So Style turns away from Fadel and cries alone in the little corner of privacy he can get in the shared bed that he is currently chained to and can't leave. Style can neither see nor hear nor feel the hand Fadel is reaching out to him, is unaware of just how much Fadel is longing to give him that comfort Style so desperately needs before Fadel's mind wins over his heart and makes him pull back again.

No. 4: Road Trip Time

It's the next day, Style has rested and from what we can see Fadel has also stopped waving a gun into Style's face almost 24/7. Style is clearly having a blast driving through the country. However, the car is tried now and refuses to continue on. Turns out the radiator is broken. Fadel mocks Style for being a bad mechanic and instead of taking offense, Style comes back with sass and a Harry Potter reference and mimics shooting Fadel. Remember the "Style + guns" counter from last episode's meta? I know, I know, here in this case it's supposed to be a wand and not a gun, but especially with the sound effect the whole thing is quite reminiscent of a gun shot, so I'm counting it. Our "Style + guns" counter is now at 4.

There is no phone signal, so they have no way of calling for help. Style tells Fadel off for insisting on taking a short cut and Fadel brings up the police. Style responds: "What are you worrying about? I told you I wouldn’t run. What do I have to do for you to trust me?" Fun fact, his literal wording when he says "What are you worrying about" is actually "What are you afraid of?" or "What are you scared of?":

มึงกลัวอะไรอ่ะ [mueng - gluua - àrai - àh] you - fear, be scared of - what - [particle]

What I love about this is that Style doesn't let Fadel's verbal stabs dampen his good mood too much. He doesn't respond in anger and he's not really annoyed. In fact, when he tells Fadel that he's not running away, he even sounds a bit amused. And when he asks "What do I have to do for you to trust me?", it's not a verbal stab back at Fadel but it's a genuine question. Style honestly wants to know. Fadel tells him "I can no longer trust a single word that comes out of your mouth."

Style smiles and shakes his head in a mix of amusement (because of course Fadel would say that) and exasperation (because Style is getting quite tired of being back at square one and having to go through all the steps again). Style doesn't fight Fadel, though, and instead asks him what he wants to do. However, there is a bit of a bite to his voice, especially in the last sentence when he asks Fadel what he plans to do if now, wait for a car to pass by or what? He patiently waits for Fadel's reply. When Fadel tells Style to push the car, Style is obviously not very into that idea but instead of resisting by starting a fight he starts getting over-dramatic about potentially passing out, about the hot weather, about being hungry and so on. Look how poor I am, have some mercy on me. Fadel is unimpressed. He tells Style to stop whining and reminds him that he currently has just one good hand. Style yields, but not without sassing Fadel first: "I’ll just die of exhaustion before I ever meet your bullet." Fadel brushes past him to get into the driver's seat (I'm assuming to control the wheels of the car while Style is pushing?) and Style walks behind the car and starts pushing while they continue to bicker.

We don't know how long Style was pushing the car for, but it must have been a while because when Style asks for a break, the road is no longer made of asphalt like it was when the car broke down. Fadel doesn't talk back when Style wants to take a break, instead he wordlessly steps out of the car and lets him have it. On the way to the back of the car, Fadel pulls a paper bag and a water bottle out of his backpack and goes to lean against the trunk of the car while taking a sip. Style eyes the water bottle and Fadel notices. After a moment of hesitation, Fadel somewhat begrudgingly holds the water out to Style. Style doesn't immediately take it, but instead throws Fadel a look, checking if Fadel really is letting him have some water. Style only grabs the bottle after Fadel explicitly tells him to take it. Style obeys and immediately starts teasing Fadel: "Thought you’d let me die of thirst. Either a hitman like you still have his humanity, or you’re in love with me." Despite talking big about killing Style and shoving a gun into his face on multiple occasions, Fadel still cares about Style and his well-being and Style knows it. After the teasing words are out of Style's mouth, he attentively observes Fadel's reaction because he also knows Fadel would never admit to this out loud:

While Style is talking, Fadel turns around to grab some food out of the paper bag. When he turns back he makes a face at Style's words, then wordlessly leans back against the trunk again and takes a bite, ignoring Style completely. Style eyes the snack in Fadel's hands. Then he says: "You’re well prepared, huh? To think you packed snacks and drinks."

I personally think that Style wasn't just thirsty, but also hungry. He did do some physical work under the heat of the sun, after all. I think his words were an implicit prompt for Fadel to not just share his water, but also his food. But Fadel doesn't share, he just responds with "I am always well prepared. I have plans for everything". It's kinda funny he's saying this because it's not like Style was even given the chance to prepare for a trip in the first place. It's not like Style showed up at the hospital with a bag full of travel essentials in anticipation of getting kidnapped and going on an impromptu road trip.

Fadel continues with a stab at Style: "If it wasn’t for you and your friend, my brother and I would have had our long-awaited break already." Style almost rolls his eyes. He's so over this. What happened, happened and there's no way to change the past. All you can do is go forward from there. "Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge. What good would a grudge do—" Style doesn't get further than that because suddenly there is a bun in his mouth. And just in case the message isn't clear enough, Fadel also explicitly tells him to shut up. Style complains about Fadel's methods. "Couldn’t you have been more gentle?" This is actually funnier to me in Thai:

If you want to feed me, you can feed me gently. No need to be so forceful. มึงอยากป้อนมึงป้อนเบาๆ ได้ไม่ต้องแรงเลย [mueng - yàak - bpôn - mueng - bpôn - bao bao - dâai - mâi - dtông - raeng - loiie] you - want - feed - you - feed - gently - can - not - need - harsh - [particle]

The bun did not manage to shut Style up, on the contrary. Style just keeps talking. "I’m getting paranoid, though. We broke down in the middle of the woods. This is just like the beginning of a horror film. A murderer is gonna come after us in a minute." Fadel gently reminds him of his request to shut up: "The first to get murdered would be a yapper like you." Again, I wanna share my own translations of this bickering (Fadel's line specifically), because it amuses me how Fadel is more or less continuing Style's sentence but turns it against him:

S: A murderer will come and kill us any second now. อีกแป๊บนึงก็จะมีฆาตกรมาฆ่าพวกเรา [ìik bpáep nueng - gôh - jà mii - kâat-dtà-gon - maa - kâa - pûuak rao] in a moment - [sentence link] - will be - murderer - come - kill - us F: And will kill a yapper like you first. แล้วก็จะฆ่าคนพูดมากอย่างมึงเป็นคนแรก [láew gôh - jà - kâa - kon pûut mâak - yàang - mueng - bpen kon râek] and - will - kill - person who talks a lot - like - you - as the first person

I think by now everyone's made fun of Style for being afraid of a murderer when there is an actual murderer right by his side, but the thing is, it is quite interesting how fear is becoming a theme for Style this episode, something that @secriden goes into in this post. Something else she also points out is how Style not only worries about getting murdered himself, but also about Fadel getting murdered too:

[I]t's interesting how Style talks about being afraid of dying generally and specifically how harm could come to them from an external source. How the way his fear is orientated puts Fadel on the inside ("a murderer is gonna come after us"), on Style's side and someone Style wants to keep safe. And when Fadel makes the kind of snide joke about letting the hypothetical cannibals kill and cook Style, Style's solution still involves staying by Fadel's side. At no point does he ever stop referring to Fadel and him as a single unit, even after Fadel very explicitly frames Style as the only victim.

In this moment though, Style isn't actually afraid of a hypothetical murderer suddenly jumping out of the woods to kill them both. So when Fadel responds with one of his usual comments that show how much he "dislikes" Style, Style lets it go and instead continues a different fight: he doesn't wanna keep pushing the car. He did it to humor Fadel, but there really is no point in continuing to push a broken car through the middle of nowhere. Fadel refuses to leave his car. Style starts talking him into leaving it there for now and coming back for it. Fadel threatens Style once again: "If my car was stolen, not only would I kill you, I’d take a car from your garage." Style is very unimpressed by this threat. "Take it. Take them all. You own my life."

Fun fact, this is the literal translation of when he says the "own my life" part:

You already have control over my life. มึงก็คุมชีวิตกูอยู่แล้วนี่ [mueng - gôh - kum - chii-wít guu - yùu - láew - nîi] you - [sentence link] - (have) control - my life - [aux] - already - [interjection]

It's interesting, because being in control of something doesn't necessarily mean you own it. Style's life is still very much his own, but he's willing to give it all to Fadel: "Take my cars, my body, my heart. Take everything." And yes, he is mostly sassing Fadel with these words, but there is also a certain seriousness to it. Fadel can have especially Style's body and Style's heart. Fadel can have 100% of Style. Style has made that decision long ago and he's still set on it, despite or maybe even especially because of everything that has happened since. Style's body and Style's heart are entirely free for Fadel to take. It's a sincere offer and it's on Fadel to take it up. Fadel stares at Style in an attempt to figure him out. Then he goes to get his backpack, walks back over to Style and grabs the water bottle out of his hands and then starts walking down the path. Style follows as soon as he realizes that Fadel is listening to Style's suggestion of leaving the car there for now.

No. 5: Murder House

Again we don't really know how much time has passed but at some point Fadel and Style find a house. Style makes a joke about a cannibal family living inside and while I doubt he actually believed in the cannibal family, I do think he's a lot more anxious now than he was about the hypothetical murderer by the car. Fadel replies with a joke of his own to really underline his alleged disdain for Style: "Good. I’ll ask them to cook you. I’m getting hungry." Style doesn't think it's funny and says "Don’t say that. It’s scary." Fun fact, in Thai Style doesn't just imply that he's scared by calling the situation/the thought of a cannibal family scary but he explicitly says that he's scared:

I'm scared for real. กูกลัวจริงนะเว้ย [guu - gluua - jing - ná wóiie] I - be scared - true, (for) real - [particle]

His anxiety gets even more apparent when he suggests returning to the road. Fadel doesn't believe in Style's creative imaginations but does tell him that if a murderer actually shows up he'll shoot them. Then Fadel pulls out his gun just in case (and potentially also to make Style feel more protected) and starts walking towards the house. Style follows, not very reassured. We can tell that his anxiety has grown from the way how at the beginning of the scene Style and Fadel were walking side by side and Style was walking even slightly in front of Fadel but when they walk up to the house Style is now walking behind Fadel instead:

They make their way towards the front door and Fadel knocks and calls out to someone inside. There's no answer. Style is getting more anxious by the minute and urges Fadel to leave: "Hey, it’s not too late to turn back." Fadel ignores him and starts knocking and calling again. There is still no answer. Style hates it. "This is getting scary," he says and I think that this is the point where his growing anxiety turns into genuine fear. Fadel pulls at the door which actually opens up. "What are you doing?" Style asks and his voice sounds really stressed now. Fadel walks inside the house without hesitation. Style immediately follows, but scolds Fadel for trespassing. Style would rather be anywhere else right now than here. Fadel turns his head to Style and says "I don't care." Or rather he says:

You think I'm scared? แล้วมึงคิดว่ากูกลัวป่ะ [láew - mueng - kít - wâa - guu - gluua - bpà] and - you - think - that - I - (be) scared - ?

Style swallows. Fadel continues to call out for someone. Style squints at him. He wants to leave. Suddenly a baseball comes down the stairs. Style jumps and yells. Fadel's hand goes to his gun, ready to pull it any moment. A second later the baseball is followed by a guy who is being chased by another guy brandishing the bat to that baseball. The first guy goes to hide behind Style and with that Fadel and Style find themselves in the middle of a domestic argument. The baseball guy, Popcorn, yells at his partner for a bit and then moves to attack him with the bat. Despite Style's initial fear walking up to the house, instead of shaking the guy off and getting out of the way he reacts by acting as a human shield, putting his arms out in a conciliatory gesture and suggesting to talk it out over using violence. Somewhere in this series there is a point to be made about Style having a tendency to act like a mediator (when he's not actively picking the fight himself) and if I wasn't so busy with uni assignments and my meta series, that would certainly be a meta post I'd be looking into making.

It's only when Style starts speaking that it fully registers for Popcorn that there are currently random people standing in his house. He starts asking who they are and how they got into his house and Style stutters, completely overwhelmed by the situation and certainly not any less afraid. Before Style has managed to form a proper thought Popcorn accuses them of being his partner's side bits. This immediately has Style stressed again and he yells "no" over and over again. Popcorn isn't convinced and goes for another attack with the baseball bat. It's a bit unclear whether Popcorn had planned to attack only one of them or maybe all three of them but either way, the way Style was standing he definitely would have been the first in line to get hit. Fadel pulls his gun even before Popcorn has managed to take a swing at Style. Style stops yelling and stares at the gun in shock. Popcorn drops his bat on the spot and retreats back to the stairs. His partner comes out from his hiding spot behind Style to follow Popcorn. Together they attempt to scramble up the stairs. Style stands still, completely frozen in place, staring at the gun for a few seconds until he finally turns his head to the stairs to watch the odd pair get away from the gun.

I think there are multiple factors to Style's shock here: his anxiety had already started even before they'd entered the house and it only grew from there. Then, Popcorn and Jimmy's appearance hit them both out of nowhere and Style really got roped into it even more than Fadel did with Jimmy grabbing Style first to use him as a human shield and then Popcorn also almost assaulting Style with a baseball bat. I think part of Style freezing is the left-over shock from Jimmy and Popcorn's initial attacks. It all happens very quickly, after all. In fact, Fadel's gun is out before Style has even had the time to properly process the fact that he was about to die by baseball bat. And so I think part of Style staring at the gun is him reacting to Fadel's movement in general and then Style's brain using the sudden break in action to catch up with everything that was happening in the last couple of seconds. Wait, I'm being attacked with a baseball bat. Wait, there is a movement next to me. Wait, the baseball bat attack stopped. Wait, there is a gun. Wait, the attackers are gone. Wait, the gun was protecting me. Wait, what are these two weirdos doing, where are these two weirdos going.

Style's eyes widen a bit as he turns his head to watch Popcorn and Jimmy scramble up the stairs and he doesn't look that shocked anymore or even terrified. He squints his eyes a little and it looks like he's he's in thought, like he's trying to figure something out.

And I think there are a number of things he's trying to figure out. Like, what the fuck to make of Jimmy and Popcorn. Who the fuck those weirdos are, where the fuck they came from, and where the fuck they are going again. Why the fuck they attacked Fadel and Style, but especially Style like this. In the above gif I think Style's brain has finally finished processing what has just happened, is finally all caught up and I think Style actually isn't all that afraid of the gun in this moment because he does realize that the gun did just save him (them) from dying by baseball bat a moment ago. And Fadel did say earlier that he would shoot anyone trying to murder Style (them).

And another thing that I think Style is trying to figure out is whether Jimmy and Popcorn's lives are in danger now with Fadel's gun on them. When Style's eyes widen it's almost as if he's thinking Wait, I just nearly died and Fadel protected me from them and when he squints his eyes it's like Who are these people? Is Fadel actually gonna shoot them now? Do I have to go from worrying about being killed by them to worrying about them being killed?

No. 6: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Fadel doesn't shoot them. Instead, he has Style tie them to the piano. I do think it's kinda funny how Fadel tells Style "If you’re done, go look for what you need. Hurry up" and Style just nods and sits down on the sofa instead. So much for hurrying up.

Popcorn starts lamenting his pain dramatically. Neither Style nor Fadel are in the mood to listen to a domestic quarrel. Popcorn goes on and on about how Jimmy cheated on him and Jimmy says "They all meant nothing to me". In Thai he actually says:

They were just people I was chatting with. มันก็แค่คนคุย [man - gôh - kâe - kon kui] he/she/they - just - people one chats with

I asked my friend about คนคุย [kon kui] and he explained it to me as "someone you talk to/flirt with (but something serious is not (yet) happening)". So the original is much more vague about how deep Jimmy's betrayal really runs. There's a chance that Jimmy actually did cheat on Popcorn, but there's also a chance that Jimmy was just talking to them without the intent of having a thing with them and Popcorn just took it the wrong way and made a big deal out of it. Personally, my guess is Jimmy did do something for Popcorn to have a legit reason to be hurt, because later Jimmy does talk about trying his best and having been lost, but I also think he might not be as much of a (serial?) cheater as Popcorn is making him out to be in his anger.

Jimmy assures Popcorn that he is serious with Popcorn, but Popcorn doesn't believe him and cries "You were never serious with me! You made me fall for you and then betrayed me". Don't mind me putting the Thai wording here. It will be relevant later (and also don't worry about the orange bit for now, this will also be explained later).

You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - àh - maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang-ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this

And this is the moment when Fadel throws Style a look. Style turns his head to look at Fadel as well. Message received.

Jimmy begs for Popcorn's forgiveness but Popcorn is still too upset and in his anger cries out: "The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" I'm gonna share a more literal translation again:

There are no chances for bad people. โอกาสมันไม่ได้มีไว้สำหรับคนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi - lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all

It's no wonder that this is the thing that makes Fadel, who knows a thing or two about being tricked into loving someone, get up and offer a free kill. Style immediately jumps to his feet and reaches out an arm to Fadel in order to pacify him and to stop him from killing Jimmy. Because Style knows full well that Fadel is perfectly capable of doing so without batting and eye. And again we see Style take on the role of a mediator. Popcorn backs down and admits he was just being dramatic and doesn't actually want his partner to die. But for Fadel it's personal: "But he lied to you." Or Thai he says:

But he deceived you. แต่มันหลอกคุณนะ [dtàe - man - lòhk - kun - ná] but - he - deceive, trick - you - [particle]

Fadel points out the tricking part specifically and again we as well as Style get a hint about what exactly Fadel has been upset about and it ain't the snitching to the police. We aren't shown Style's reaction here but I think it's safe to assume he heard Fadel's words loud and clear considering he is standing right next to Fadel. Popcorn tries to calm Fadel down again by explaining they argue all the time and repeating that he doesn't actually want his partner to die. Fadel looks at them, his expression serious, his gun still pointed. Style observes Fadel carefully, watching his every move:

I think Style is very much afraid in this moment. But I don't think he's afraid of Fadel, I think he's afraid for him. And afraid for the people in front of them. After all, Style doesn't want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again in the way he threw himself into the fight at the host club before he knew Fadel was perfectly capable of fighting for himself, we see this in the way Style grabbed the gun at the bowling alley and pointed it at the shooter to keep him from doing any more harm than he had already caused and we see it now in the way Style immediately jumps to his feet, arm stretched out towards Fadel to try his best to interfere at any second if need may be. Style is afraid for Jimmy and Popcorn, because he knows full well their lives are in actual danger. And Style is afraid for Fadel, because he also knows how much pain this assassin life has caused him and he wants Fadel to quit for his (Fadel's, that is) own well-being. And Fadel's well being is something that is deeply important to Style. Style implicitly told Fadel to quit killing in episode 5 already and later this episode he will explicitly tell Fadel to quit killing again. And every shot that Fadel takes is a step in the wrong direction.

And another aspect that comes to play here is that Style is afraid of dying. This episode has been dealing with Style's very real fear and this fear has taken form in different ways: We started with Style being afraid of his own death by Fadel's hand (last episode for a moment at the pool, this episode when he was crying in the motel bed), then we saw him being afraid of his own death by someone else's hand (the fictional murderer that his mind kept imaging) and now we see him afraid of someone else's death. And yes, the first two were about Style's own death, so why would he be afraid dying now when this situation is about someone else's death, not his own? The thing is, though... Is it really? Is this really about someone else's death? Because the person Fadel is about to kill is Style's mirror. Who is to say that after Fadel has taken care of Style's mirror his emotions won't get the better of him and he'll turn around and shoot the real Style in his hurt, too, while he's at it? So Style doesn't take his eyes off from Fadel, because his own life is still at stake too and how Fadel acts now will give Style a hint about how determined Fadel still is to kill him.

But then Jimmy suddenly changes course. He is willing to accept death if it means Popcorn will be safe. Style is still standing there with his arm halfway up, still tense, still ready to jump into action if Fadel pulls the trigger while Jimmy goes into a plea for Popcorn's life. Jimmy ends it by announcing that he loves Popcorn, which is yet another sore point for Fadel. "If you love him, why did you fool him?" Fun fact, Fadel is so pissed that he actually uses rude pronouns with Jimmy:

ถ้ามึงรักเขามึงจะหลอกเขาทำไม [tâa - mueng - rák - kăo - meung - jà - lòhk - kăo - tam-mai] if - you - love - him - you - will - trick, deceive - him - why

Also, this time we do get to see Style's reaction to Fadel's words:

I think Style partly throws Fadel that look because he is still afraid that Fadel is so angry that he might actually kill Jimmy and is ready to interfere at any time and part of that look is Style taking in and piecing together what exactly Fadel is and has been upset about. During this entire conversation it's always been the topic of loving and tricking and tricking into loving that Fadel's had the strongest emotional response to. That's what Fadel is upset about.

Jimmy doesn't reply to Fadel, doesn't explain himself. Instead he turns to Popcorn and goes into a heartfelt apology. The two of them bicker for a bit. Style's has lowered his arm even more now, but it's still in perfect position to make a grab at Fadel any second if need may be. He checks on Fadel again when Jimmy asks Popcorn to let Fadel shoot him if Popcorn doesn't believe that Jimmy's love is true. The husbands-to-be bicker some more and then Jimmy dramatically offers himself up as a sacrifice again, orders Fadel to shoot him. Fadel clenches his jaw. He knows he can't. He looks over at Style. Style is staring at Fadel intently, observing him, watching him carefully.

And again, I think this stare is about both, checking whether Fadel is still gonna go in for the kill and also Style trying to read Fadel, trying to figure out where Fadel is at emotionally when it comes to his own relationship with Style. Style is actively in the process of piecing together what exactly he's done to make Fadel hurt this much and to make Fadel want to kill him. And I think at this point here, Style is no longer as terrified of a potential murder happening right in front of his eyes the way he was when Fadel had initially pulled the gun on Jimmy.

Speaking of Style's fear, a couple of days ago I saw a post in the tags where someone was asking why Fadel pulling a gun on him was hot to Style but suddenly when Fadel is pulling the gun on other people it's an issue and since this meta series is THE Style manifesto I figure I should maybe write a paragraph about that too. When Style is at the other end of the gun it's hot, because Style is 99% sure Fadel won't actually kill him, won't kill him specifically. But when Fadel is pointing the gun at other people, Style can't be so sure. After all, this is Fadel's profession, this is what he specializes in. Fadel does this on the regular and Style is very well aware of it. The thing is, Style doesn't actually want others to be harmed. We see this over and over again when Style goes and helps people, when Style acts like a mediator in situations. Only last episode Style told Kant that love can turn a bad guy good and I think that's ultimately what he wants for Fadel. For Fadel to quit the job, to stop killing people, to turn "good" for Style and also for himself (putting "good" in quotation marks, because to Style, Fadel is a good person already as he reveals later in the bathtub). Style has already suggested Fadel quits the job even back in episode 5 when Fadel opened up about his parents' murder and about not wanting a relationship in order not to cause trouble to anyone. Style is cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him if no harm is done, but he is not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on others if harm could be done. And at the end of the day Style is also not cool with Fadel pulling a gun on him either, if Style's own life is in actual danger from that. We saw as much by the pool and we saw it again this episode when Fadel was about to kill Style's mirror.

Another thing I find truly fascinating about this scene is how Popcorn and Jimmy are clear parallels to Fadel and Style, but not in the way one might expect. We have Popcorn, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Jimmy, the calm and collected one. We have Style, the loud and overdramatic one and then we have Fadel, the calm and collected one. You'd think Popcorn would be a parallel for Style and Jimmy would be a parallel for Fadel, but psyche! The calm and collected Fadel relates to the loud and overdramatic Popcorn's problem while the loud and overdramatic Style relates to the calm and collected Jimmy's problems. I think there are various interpretations possible as to why that is. One thing I'd like to think is that Popcorn's loud whirlwind emotions are a representation of how Fadel is quietly feeling inside but would never ever let out in any way, because his walls are that far up. And then we have Jimmy, who did something wrong, but is so serious and sincere in his love for Popcorn, in his longing for Popcorn's forgiveness and in his desire to be with Popcorn, to get married to Popcorn. And as loud and overdramatic Style can sometimes be, Style is completely serious about his love for Fadel and his decision to be with him no matter what. It's not a joke to Style. And Style, too, is longing for that forgiveness, is longing to go back to being happy and in love, is longing to get 100% of Fadel's trust. Fadel has told him before that Style had 80% of his trust, but with the betrayal those 80% have taken a significant dip down. But Style is still serious about wanting those 100% and so he will work his way back up again.

Side note: Another thing I was thinking about was how Jimmy was so willing to take the bullet if it meant keeping Popcorn safe and it just has me wonder if Style will be taking a bullet to keep Fadel safe.

No. 7: Do You Hear the Wedding Bells

Instead of going for a kill, Fadel lets Popcorn and Jimmy have their wedding. Style officiates while Fadel hides in a corner, watching everything from a distance. Style, believer in the power of love, is very happy for Jimmy and Popcorn. He watches with joy as they exchange rings and what I love about this is how Style's joy has such a calm, grounded energy to it. Style prompts the happy couple to kiss and I am absolutely convinced that his laughter when Popcorn jumps Jimmy and Jimmy carries him towards the wall is all Dunk, not Style. Then Style turns his head and looks at Fadel. He is presented with an image of Fadel quietly laughing at this couple's joy and passion and happiness. Fadel then turns his head towards Style as well, but immediately looks away when he meets Style's eyes and his laughter fades.

Remember how in last episode's meta I said:

And it's just veeeery interesting that Style asks Fadel to marry him for the second episode in a row. If it happens again next episode, I'm calling it. But for now, let's wait and see 👀

Well... We didn't get a FadelStyle marriage proposal, but Style's mirror saying "You and I are getting married" to Fadel's mirror? And then the Style and Fadel mirrors actually getting married? With Style officiating the wedding? That's three episodes in a row with a wedding reference in connection to Fadel and Style. Episode 6 with the untranslatable pun, episode 7 with Style's proposal prank, now episode 8 with an actual wedding. Three is a pattern, no? Style may not have uttered the words "Will you marry me" to Fadel this episode, but I'm calling it anyway. These two are so getting married by the end of the series, aren't they...

(Also, sorry for writing so few words about this scene. I don't have words, I only have Big Emotions.)

No. 8: Dinners and Dancing

It's night time now and the four of them are having a nice wedding dinner. Style makes friendly conversation as usual, while Fadel sits there and barely socializes. Jimmy brags about his husband's cooking skills, and Style immediately responds with a brag of his own because his own boyfriend is just as good as cooking. And this time around I think the boyfriend drop is a lot more deliberate than it was at the beginning of the episode, because this time around he actually emphasizes it a little. The word "faen" is the word he stresses the most in the sentence. Then he turns to Fadel and teasingly compliments him: "His burgers are to die for." In Thai, what he says word for word is "make very delicious burgers":

ทำเบอร์เกอร์อร่อยมาก [tam - ber-gêr - à-ròi - mâak] make - burger - delicious - very

Note how there is no pronoun in this sentence. That means, the sentence can be taken either as "He makes very delicious burgers" because Style was just talking to Jimmy and this sentence is still addressed to Jimmy or the sentence could be taken as "You make very delicious burgers" from the way Style is saying this sentence directly to Fadel's face. You hear that? That's you. You're my faen that makes delicious burgers. I love you. Fadel scrunches his eyebrows, skeptical and confused. Style smiles brightly, grabs a spoonful of food and offers to feed it to Fadel. Unlike Fadel earlier that day, Style actually does feed him gently. In fact, he doesn't force the food nor the caring gesture onto Fadel. He holds out the spoon and once again waits for Fadel to go along of his own free will which Fadel awkwardly does after a moment of hesitation. Then, Style goes back to making friendly conversation and we get a bit of backstory about how Popcorn and Jimmy used to live in the city as salarymen and then came to live on a farm because Jimmy loves nature. Style finds in romantic that Popcorn left his good life for a more difficult farm life. Fadel still holds a grudge and asks Jimmy why he cheated when Popcorn had done all of that for him. Jimmy says it's only human to get lost sometimes and that he's come back home in the end. This has Fadel even more pissed. He bangs his fist onto the table so forcefully that it jumpscares Style right next to him. "Only because you take him for granted," Fadel snarls. Popcorn awkwardly says he's already forgiven Jimmy and Style puts his hand on Fadel's hand to calm him down. Fadel looks at Style and Style gives him a little bit of a nod, as if to say Hey, it's okay. You can let it go. You don't need to settle this argument for them. Fadel leans back into his chair, resigned.

Jimmy changes the topic and asks where Fadel and Style are going and Style immediately has a believable answer ready. "We’re heading south. Kinda hoped it was going to be a romantic road trip date." And let me just share a more literal translation about the road trip, because he shamelessly and also very deliberately this time throws around the word boyfriend again:

I wanted to go on a road trip with my boyfriend. พอดีตั้งใจจะมาขับรถเล่นกับแฟนนะครับ [poh dii - dtâng-jai - jà - maa - kàp rót lên - gàp - faen - ná - kráp] because - intend to - will - come - drive for fun - with - boyfriend - [particle] - [particle]

When Style says the word boyfriend, he turns his head and pointedly says "faen" directly into Fadel's face. Because he still considers Fadel his boyfriend, whether Fadel likes it or not. After all, they've never officially broken up. And no, multiple death threats that have involved an actual a gun do not count as a break-up as far as Style is concerned. Not if he still has any say in it. Because their relationship is that serious to him. Because from the moment they started dating, their relationship was never fake to him. Fadel squints his eyes. Popcorn then asks how they met and Style tells them: "I was kinda dared into taking him out, but then I actually fell for him." And again, just a little correction on the whole "I was dared to" part:

It started with me deceitfully flirting with him. มันเริ่มจากผมไปหลอกจีบเขาครับ [man - rêrm - jàak - pŏm - bpai - lòhk - jìip - kăo - kráp] it - start - from - I - go - deceive, trick - flirt - him - [particle]

Nowhere in the way Style phrased it does it say who thought of the idea of the fake flirting. Nowhere does it say whether someone else made him do it or whether it was Style's own idea. Style isn't putting the blame on someone else and in a way is actually even kinda making himself look bad here since it could be taken as Style having come up with the scheme by himself. Popcorn and Jimmy don't know that there are two other guys involved in this story. Popcorn says "Such is love, isn’t it?" and Style turns to look at Fadel for a moment who meets his eyes. Popcorn then continues with "It can start from deceit, but it zigzags its way into something beautiful at the end." Style turns to Fadel again, throwing him a very pointed look. Something beautiful, huh? Did you hear that? Fadel pointedly ignores Style and his pointed look. The newlywed husbands discuss the natural process of a relationship – bickering, fighting, boning. This greatly amuses Style and he looks at Fadel again. In fact, he stares at Fadel for several seconds until Fadel finally properly looks at him. And that's when Style raises an eyebrow at him. Well?

And it's fun, because the scene started out with Fadel doing a thing with his eyebrows and it ends with Style doing a thing with his eyebrows, almost like an answer.

Style's energy in this scene is very boyfriend-like. Fadel took a step back and withdrew at the presence of these two other people, and now that Style doesn't have to fend off Fadel constant stream of personal digs at him anymore, Style comfortably slips back into that boyfriend role. And it's not just that he's comfortable in this role, no, he is proud to be Fadel's boyfriend and proud to have Fadel as his boyfriend. Style brags about Fadel and his cooking skills and calls him his boyfriend to anyone who will listen. Style keeps Fadel in check when Fadel gets hotheaded and is absolutely up for going through the natural process of bickering-fighting-boning if Fadel is up for it as well. And most importantly, Style is simply just happy to be around him, happy to spend time with him. Style is proud of him and he is happy with him and he wants Fadel by his side. He means that choice from the bottom of his heart and so he will act accordingly. Especially now that he is finally starting to understand why exactly Fadel is hurting.

No. 9: Big Small Matters

The time for dinner is over and the time for dancing has started. Fadel and Style sit on the couch, they're watching the happy couple and especially Style is delighted at their happiness himself. After a while, Style turns to Fadel and says "Cute couple, aren’t they? Just like us". This is the third time this evening, a rather short time frame, that Style has made a reference to them being in a relationship (referring to Fadel as his "boyfriend" twice and now calling them a "couple"). And yes, he did blatantly refer to Fadel as his boyfriend when they were talking to the aunty at the motel too, but I think this time around Style is very deliberately and consciously doing so given his observations of Fadel earlier that day. They're a cute couple. Style means it. No joke. No trick.

Fadel is quiet for a moment, then says "We're not a couple". Definitely by sheer coincidence the song that Jimmy put on just happens to be about forgiveness and just happens to play the lyrics Just overlook what is trivial right before Fadel's reply. Style asks Fadel if he wasn't listening to the lyrics and quotes them back at him. Fadel is not amused: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?"

Now, the phrase that the song uses to say "trivial" is เล็กๆ น้อยๆ [lék lék nói nói] which word for word makes something like "small small little little". I asked my Thai language buddy if this word was like the word "Kleinigkeit" in German and he confirmed. There is no perfect English equivalent for the word "Kleinigkeit" but it basically means something like "small matter" or "little thing". Depending on the situation there could be other meanings that go along with it. For this context right here "no big deal" could even work in English. Now let me share what Fadel actually said:

You think that you deceiving me is no big deal? (lit. "is a small matter?" / "is small?") มึงคิดว่าเรื่องที่มึงมาหลอกกูเนี่ยมันเล็กๆ น้อยๆหรอ [mueng - kít wâa - rêuuang - tîi - mueng - maa - lòhk - guu - nîia - man - lék lék nói nói - rŏr] you - think that - thing, matter - that - you - come - deceive, trick - me - [particle] - it - small (matter), little (thing) - ?

Fadel uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here, which means "to trick" or "to deceive". That means, he doesn't just vaguely say "what you did to me" but he explicitly tells Style that the thing that has been bothering him is Style deceiving him, Style tricking him. By now you may have noticed a pattern to the orange color: The word หลอก [lòhk] comes up a lot this episode. I've bolded and marked this word orange all throughout this post so you can see just how many times and in which contexts this word is used. Style uses it during the dinner when he says "I was kinda dared into taking him out" (more literally: "It started with me deceitfully flirting with him"), Popcorn uses this word when he cries "The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!" (more literally: "People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!") and Fadel uses the word when he says "But he lied to you. (more literally: "But he deceived you.") after Popcorn says he doesn't actually want Jimmy to be killed for real. And now Fadel uses it again to call Style out: "You think what you did to me was 'trivial'?" (more literally: "You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?").

Fadel is mad that Style tricked him, that Style deceived him. This much was already obvious from Fadel's emotional reactions to Popcorn and Jimmy's dispute, but now Style has explicit confirmation. This is where he needs to start working at if he wants to earn Fadel's forgiveness.

The newly-wed husbands walk over and invite them to dance, too. Style is up for it, but Fadel really doesn't want to. Style talks him into it and pulls him up. Reluctantly, Fadel gives in to Style just like he always does.

They dance a little, but at some point Style turns to Fadel, puts his hand on his shoulder, smiles, and tells him: "I know what I did wasn’t 'trivial.' But I’m ready to do anything to make you forgive me." Now for that first sentence you might think that in the Thai line Style repeats Fadel's words from earlier ("You think that you deceiving me is no big deal?") where Fadel used the word หลอก [lòhk] and you might think that Style would use it now, too. But actually, he does keep things more vague in the original itself as well:

I know that what I did was a big deal. (lit. "was no small matter" / "isn't a little thing") กูรู้นะเว้ยว่าเรื่องที่กูทำอ่ะ ไม่ใช่เรื่องเล็กๆ น้อยๆ [guu - rúu - ná wóiie - wâa - rêuuang - tîi - guu - tam - à • mâi châi - rêuuang - lék lék nói nói] I - know - [particle] - that - thing, matter - that - I - do - [particle] • not - thing, matter - small (matter), little (thing)

Maybe Style is referring not only to the fact that he tricked Fadel into loving him but also to how Fadel feels "cheated on" because he did end up falling for Style's (initially) insincere flirting, was head over heels in love with him only to find out Style wasn't his but was "the police's" and that the love wasn't real, was just a trick.

Or maybe there is something we don't yet know about? (Like, there is still the mysterious Boonterm mention from episode 3? Or, something that had COMPLETELY slipped my mind when I was writing my ep7 meta and so ended up writing something from a completely wrong perspective: Style has seen Keen before when he eavesdropped on Fadel and Keen's conversation and so in ep7 in the men's room it could also be taken as Style stopping Fadel from discovering Keen on purpose, which brings up the question... what's up with that????) Or maybe he just keeps it vague so that he can say it at a later point explicitly.

Anyway, so Style firmly tells Fadel that he knows he was in the wrong and that he's ready to do anything to earn Fadel's forgiveness and then pulls him into a hug while they continue to dance. This hug doesn't last very long, though, because next thing Fadel and Style know is that they're being attacked by Jimmy and Popcorn. Luckily, Style sees them in time and shouts Fadel's name in shock and to warn him. They both tumble down and Fadel has his gun out before they've even hit the couch. Fadel shoots into the air and while by now Style is very familiar with the image of Fadel pointing guns, this is the first time he's witnessed Fadel actually fire a shot (from a real gun, that is. Not a BB gun). A shot, that protected not only Fadel himself, but also Style. And while Style does still look at the gun for a moment again, he is nowhere near as frozen or worried as he was when Fadel pulled the gun on Popcorn and Jimmy the few instances earlier this episode.

For a second time that day, Fadel and Style tie up Popcorn and Jimmy. Style makes a comment about how he was off about the serial killer part but they were nearly killed by someone after all. Style's fear and anxiety from the day has proven to be justified. Fadel nags that Style trusts people to easily and that he's only interested in other people's love lives. Style doesn't see a problem with that: "I’m a hopeless romantic. Can’t help it that love stories touch me." Or in Thai:

I'm a romantic person. กูมันเป็นคนโรแมนติก [guu - man - bpen - kon roh-maen-dtìk] I - [marker] - be - romantic person I'm easily tricked by touching things. โดนหลอกด้วยอะไรซึ้งๆง่าย [dohn lòhk - dûuay - à-rai - séung séung - ngâai] be tricked, deceived - by, through - something - touching - easy

I just want to point out that Style uses the word หลอก [lòhk] here. Style gets tricked by romantic, touching things the same way as, you know, someone else in this room feels like he got tricked by romantic, touching things. It's like Style is saying What? Can you blame me? I, too, get tricked by love.

Fadel moves to remove the arm sling and Style goes to help him. Fadel lets him, doesn't block him. And I'm sure it was absolutely necessary for Style to put his arm around Fadel's shoulder like that for easier opening of the buckle. Duh. Style smiles a little as he slides off the arm sling. Fadel makes his way up the stairs. Style first looks at their tied up victims, then watches Fadel walk upstairs. There are certainly things on Style's mind. He'll be voicing them in the bathtub in a bit.

No. 10: Fadel in a Bath Fadel in a Bath Na Na Na Na Na Na Fadel in a Bath

Style finds Fadel in the bathtub and wants to join in. Fadel is reluctant at first, but is also not in the mood to argue with Style and so Style starts getting undressed. Now, usually I'd just skip past this part of Style getting naked and hopping into the tub because it's not a relevant process. However, during this process he does something very interesting: When he lays down his clothes he touches the gun, as if to make a grab for it before he goes and covers it with clothes.

I'm gonna be honest, I really have no idea what to make of this moment. As to why Style covers it, it could probably be because he wants it out of sight, out of the way, wants it gone. Style has made it very clear on multiple occasions that he doesn't want Fadel to be killing people and he will also be telling Fadel exactly that in just another minute as well. Away with the gun.

But if that really is the case, then I still don't understand why Style would touch the gun in the first place. If he wanted to hide it, he could have dropped his shirt down on it without bending down and touching it. But Style does go through the effort and the way he touches it almost looks like he is about to pick it up. The "Style + guns" counter goes up to 5.

Style is also very deliberate about it. He has his eyes glued to Fadel, watching him carefully through the entire process. That has me wonder if Style is maybe testing Fadel. Is he testing Fadel's trust, maybe? Because Fadel did say that the words out of Style's mouth are no longer trustworthy, but what about Style's actions? Are those still trustworthy? Technically Style is also still Fadel's kidnapping victim, so what would the kidnapper do if the victim goes for the weapon the kidnapper has been using to keep his victim in check? But Fadel's reaction is just a raised eyebrow and a bit of an eyebrow scrunch like What exactly is it that you're doing? It's a clear message, but at the same time Fadel doesn't even move a single muscle that indicates he is about to do something to get the weapon away from Style.

Fadel watches Style closely, but doesn't interfere. There is a certain amount of trust involved here, because Style could have easily made a quick grab for it and pulled the gun on Fadel for once.

I actually asked @secriden about her opinion on this because I didn't quite know what to make of it and she came back with an interesting perspective I also want to share:

Oh, I think the purpose of that was to show that Style is really choosing to be with Fadel. In that scenario Style literally has all the advantage— Fadel is naked in a bathtub and he's hampered by a broken arm and literally being in a slippery situation. Like if Style wanted to just take the gun and shoot Fadel there was little Fadel could've done at that point. But Style touches the gun and makes deliberate eye contact and then covers it with his clothes like he's saying "See? Even when you give me the chance to seize control what matters to me is another chance to fix our relationship." He's basically proving his own words when he said "I'll do anything to make it up to you." This includes letting a chance go literally take back his LIFE because the gun still symbolises a threat to Style's life (even if we know Fadel isn't going to go through with it).

After covering the gun with his clothes, Style gets into the tub and the first thing out of his mouth is: "I’m glad you didn’t kill them." And we know this to be true, because we saw how afraid and how tense Style was earlier when the gun was involved. Fadel reminds him that he only kills bad people and even if he disapproves of Jimmy's cheating, at the end of the day it's none of his business anyway. Style states "You’re pretty decent at your core, you know?" and I sigh in exasperation again, because it's not that Fadel is just "pretty decent", no, Fadel is a good person. And buckle up, because there are quite a few language notes to follow over the course of this scene.

Really, you're a good person at your core. จริงๆสันดานมึงเป็นคนดีนะเว้ย [jing jing - săn-daan - mueng - bpen - kon dii - ná wóiie] really, honestly - nature, core - you - be - good person - [particle]

Having made this assessment, Style wants to know how come Fadel is a hitman then and Fadel says he gets hired, there's nothing more to it. Style says it's not true that Fadel is doing it just for the money. Fadel comes back with a challenge: "Why not? You don’t know anything about me." In Thai he actually phrases it like a question which I like because it makes the challenge a bit more direct and Fadel's words sassier:

You know me well? มึงรู้จักกูดีเหรอ [mueng - rúu-jàk - guu - dii - rĕr] you - know - me - well - ?

(German speakers: the mood of this sentence is actually more like "Kennst du mich denn gut?", not just "Kennst du mich gut?")

So Fadel throws Style a sassy question, but Style has an answer, and what an answer it is:

I may not know your past but I know your present well. กูอาจจะไม่รู้จักอาดีตมึงแต่กูรู้จักปัจจุบันมึงดีนะเว้ย [guu - àat-jà - mâi - rúu-jàk - àdiit mueng - dtàe - guu - rùu-jàk - bpàt-jù-ban mueng - dii - ná wóiie] I - may, might - not - know - your past - but - I - know - your present - well - [Particle] Official subs: "I might not know who you were in the past, but I know who you are now."

It's not just that Style didn't know who Fadel was as a person in the past, but also Style was neither present in Fadel's past nor did Fadel share much about his past apart from the fact that his parents were shot. Style may not have been there for Fadel's past, but Style is very much there for Fadel's present, he's lived Fadel's present by his side for a while now and has gotten to know Fadel's life and Fadel himself really well. And Style is here for Fadel's present despite all things that should make him want to leave. Style is here for Fadel's present despite all the things he knows or maybe even because of all the things he knows. He knows Fadel is a killer, but he also knows Fadel is a good person. Being here for Fadel's present, Style's gotten to know many different side's of Fadel that make him want to stay in Fadel's present. Style smiles at him. Fadel can't run away from the mortifying ordeal of being known forever. It's too late. Style already knows him significantly, whether Fadel wants to acknowledge it or not.

Fadel looks away from him and when he looks back at Style, Style brings back the topic of Fadel only killing bad people and asks how Fadel decides. Fadel claims he decides based on his own experiences. Style tells him:

You're not a court passing sentences on other people's lives. มึงไม่ใช่ศาลมาพิพากษาชีวิตคนอื่นนะเว้ย [mueng - mâi châi - săan - maa - pí-pâak-săa - chii-wít - kon èun - ná wóiie] you - not - court - come - judge - life - others - [particle] Official subs: It’s not your job to judge that kind of thing, you know? Just quit doing it. เลิกทำไปเหอะ [lêrk - tam - bpai - hùh] quit, stop - do - [particle] - [particle] Official subs: Why don’t you just quit? The more you keep doing this, the more your life will never be at peace. ยิ่งมึงทำแบบนี้ ชีวิดมึงยิ่งไม่จบไม่สิ้น [yîng - mueng - tam - bàep níi • chii-wít meung - yîng - mâi - jòp - mâi - sîn] the more - you - do - like this • your life - the more - not - end - not - end Official subs: If you keep going, it will never be over.

You may have noticed that in the interlinear translation of the last sentence it says "not end not end" which doesn't make a lot of sense, of course. Style actually uses two different words for "end" here. I asked my friend about it who explained that "not end" as in ไม่จบ [mâi jòb] refers to something external (the killings) while "not end" as in ไม่สิ้น [mâi sîn] refers to something internal (Fadel finding inner peace). The more Fadel keeps killing, the more he'll be stuck in this life and the more he won't be able to rest.

Fadel doesn't want to be lectured, but Style isn't actually saying all this to lecture Fadel. It's a well-meant warning because Style cares about Fadel and his well-being:

I just think there's probably no one who will warn you and mean well for you as much as I do. กูอ่ะแค่คิดว่าคงไม่มีใครเตือนและหวังดีกับมึงเท่ากูละ [guu - àh - kâe - kít - wâa - kong- mâi mii krai - dteuuan - láe - wăng dii gàp - mueng - tâo - guu - lá] I - [particle] - just - think - that - maybe - there is no one - warn - and - mean well for - you - like - I - [particle] Official subs: I just think there’s no one out there who wants the best for you more than I do.

Fadel just stares at him and Style smiles back. He means it. After a moment, he puts his feet on Fadel and targets the nipple. First of all, it's time to be a little shit again and try to annoy his way back into Fadel's life and second of all, maybe I think he hasn't given up hope of getting some yet, even if Fadel is still back to being grumpy. Also, it's my personal headcanon that Style put his feet on Fadel for the same reason Dunk did: the tub is simply just too small for these two grown men.

Fadel reminds him that just because he lets Style mess with him it doesn't mean he won't kill Style. Style tilts his head. That's death threat number what? And yet, Style is still here and still able to mess with Fadel. "Go ahead. Blow my head off whenever you want." Style is here, ready to accept his fate. "I’m a bad person for making you fall for me, head over heels, and then betraying you. I deserve to die." And here is where the exact wording is important again. Literally he says: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die."

Sorry in advance, but the following will be chaos. There is only so much formatting I can do in a tumblr post (I wish I could add a table!). The arrows indicate the literal translation. The colors will make sense a paragraph down.

→ I'm bad. กูอ่ะ��ันเลว [guu - àh - man - leow] I - [particle] - [marker] - bad Official subs: I’m a bad person → I tricked you into loving me, หลอกให้มึงรัก [lòhk - hâi - mueng - rák] trick, deceive - that - you - love Official subs: for making you fall for me → I tricked you into being crazy about me, หลอกให้มึงหลง [lòhk - hâi - mueng - lŏng] trick, deceive - that - you - be crazy about Official subs: head over heels → and then I betrayed you. แล้วหักหลังมึง [láew - hàk lăng - meung] and (then) - betray - you Official subs: and then betraying you. → I deserve to die. กูอ่ะสมควรตายเว้ย [guu - àh - sŏm-kuuan - dtaai - wóiie] I - [particle] - deserve - die - [particle] Official subs: I deserve to die.

The wording is significant, not just because our keyword หลอก [lòhk] makes another appearance, but because Style repeats Popcorn's (aka Fadel's mirror, the one voicing how Fadel feels inside) words back to Fadel. Let's compare with what Popcorn was saying: "You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. [...] There are no chances for bad people. People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die!" (Style's words: "I'm bad. I tricked you into loving me, I tricked you into being crazy about me, and then I betrayed you. I deserve to die.")

→ You tricked me into loving you and being crazy about you and then you do this. มึงอ่ะมาหลอกให้กูรักกูหลง มึงก็ทำยังเงี้ย [mueng - à- maa - lòhk - hâi - guu - rák - guu - lŏng • mueng - gôh - tam - yang -ngíia] you - [particle] - come - trick, deceive - that - I - love - I - be crazy about • you - [sentence link] - do - like this Official subs: You made me fall for you and then betrayed me. [...] → There are no chances for bad people. โอกาสมันไม่ได้มีไว้สำหรับคนเลว [oh-gàat - man - mâi dâai - mii - wái - săm-ràp - kon leow] chance - it - not - have - keep - for - bad people Official subs: The likes of you don’t deserve second chances. → People that trick others into loving them all deserve to die! คนที่หลอกให้คนอื่นรัก สมควรให้ตายไปให้หมด [kon - tîi -lòhk - hâi - kon èun - rák • sŏm-kuuan - hâi - dtaai bpai hâi mòt] people - that - trick, deceive - that - others - love • deserve - that - die - all Official subs: The likes of you who lead people on deserve nothing but death!

As you can see, Style uses almost the exact same words that Popcorn used and they are all words that Fadel had an emotional reaction to earlier that day. Style's been paying attention. Style finishes with "I deserve to die" just like Popcorn claimed was the case and then closes his eyes and tilts his head back a little like Go on, shoot me. I am at your mercy and I am ready to die for my sins.

Two things are happening here with this little monologue: Style is being a little shit by shamelessly mocking Fadel's empty death threats. Style knows Fadel won't kill him over this, because if tricking people into falling in love had been enough of a reason to fall under Fadel's category of Bad Person™ then Fadel would have killed Jimmy earlier that day. But Jimmy is alive. And so is Style.

And the other thing is that Style is also letting Fadel know that he's figured out what Fadel is really angry about. Style is fully acknowledging now what he did that hurt Fadel so much. It's very different from earlier that day when the car broke down and Style was all "Hey, what happened happened. Let it go. Shouldn’t you be looking forward to the future? Focus on the future. Let go of your grudge." I think in the beginning Style assumed that while yes, Fadel would think Style's love was fake, the main thing he was angry about was Style being a snitch for the police. But then they ran into Jimmy and Popcorn. And then Fadel got unnecessarily offended at someone else's trickery in a relationship Fadel had nothing to do with. And Style paid attention. It's not that Style was working with the police that's the problem. The "working with the police part" is the thing that Fadel was already suspecting and expecting from the beginning. Fadel had been ready for that. That wasn't the problem. No, what hurts the most is that Style had the audacity to play with Fadel's heart first before "cheating" on him by being on the police's side. Fadel is upset because he thinks Style's love was insincere, that it was all just an elaborate trick while for Fadel himself the love was all real and Style now fully and actively realizes that. And acknowledges it. Except, Fadel denies his feelings: "Don’t be so full of yourself. I never fell for you."

Now, when Fadel tells Style not to be so full of himself, he actually tells Style not to คิดไปเอง [kít bpai eng]. Literally this phrase makes something like "think by oneself" and it's a phrase that my friend defined as "to come to a conclusion without there being any solid evidence for it". Fadel is basically telling Style something along the lines of "Don't make shit up, I never loved you." And yeah. He does indeed say "I never loved you" which to me sounds almost more hurtful than "I never fell for you":

กูไม่เคยรักมึง [guu - mâi koiie - rák - mueng] I - never - love - you

Fadel is a lying liar. And Style knows it. He stares at Fadel for a moment as if he can't believe Fadel really just dropped this with a straight face, then smiles a little. "You might be good at cooking and shooting, but you’re not very good at lying at all." And with that, Style immediately puts Fadel to the test. He starts slowly kissing his way up Fadel's arms, pausing to check in with Fadel and even more so to check his reaction. When Style gets close enough to Fadel's face, he slowly leans in for a kiss, his eyes fixed on Fadel's eyes. Style advances very slowly, giving Fadel plenty of time. Fadel actually tilts his head a little towards Style, almost welcoming a kiss, but when their noses are about to touch Fadel turns his head away. And you'd think Style would be annoyed about Fadel refusing him once again, but instead Style smiles. Because I don't think Style went into this with the goal of actually seducing Fadel, of actually trying to sleep with him again like he did in the race car bed in the beginning of the episode (though I'm sure he wouldn't have minded if Fadel had consented). No, this wasn't an attempt at getting into Fadel's pants. This was a test. Fadel refuses to kiss Style and Style smiles a little, looking almost amused. He was expecting this.

There it is. Proof that Fadel is a lying liar who lies. Proof that Fadel is mad about and hurt because of the exact things that Style has just listed only moments before. Proof that Fadel did love him. Does love him. Still loves him. Style keeps looking at Fadel, but Fadel keeps his head turned away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Instead of calling Fadel out for being a liar again, Style raises his eyebrows and backs off.

He sits back down on his spot at the other end of the tub and makes a promise: "As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again." Fadel, who in the meantime has started looking at Style again, lifts his head and goes back to avoiding eye contact with Style once more. He looks around the room. Looks anywhere but at Style. Looks at the painting at the wall instead. And that's when Fadel realizes. He knows exactly where Bison is. And with this we are left to wait a week for the next episode (except the next episode will already be out by the time I manage to post this rip).

If you think I have already spent enough words on this scene, think again. Because the dialogue in this scene is really interesting when thinking back to the bed scene from episode 5. Back then Fadel told Style "The real me might be scarier than you think". Towards the end of episode 7 and all throughout episode 8 Style has been getting glimpses of that real Fadel that he was warned about. Back in episode 5 Style knew about "the real Fadel" mostly in theory and told him "I promise that no matter what you are like, I'll still like you". And Fadel told Style that Style can judge once he's ready. And what is Style's judgment now that he's gotten to witness some of the real scary Fadel? "You're a good person at your core." And Style's stance on liking Fadel no matter what kind of person he is? "I just think there's probably no one out there who will warn you and mean well with you as much as I do." Fadel warned Style that Style should be wary of him, but Fadel also only kills bad people and Style isn't bad people and Style knows it. Fadel refused to fully open up to Style and right now in his anger he is likely even less willing to open up to Style at all and yet Style knows him, knows his present so well. And Style was even close to witnessing Fadel murdering someone and even though Style would rather Fadel didn't (and doesn't and won't), Style still doesn't judge Fadel for it. And even if Fadel had killed Jimmy, it likely wouldn't have made Style love Fadel any less. Back in episode 5 Style made the decision to be by this man's side and now in episode 8 he still firmly stands by this decision. In fact, maybe even more so now. Both of these scenes end in a promise made by Style: As long as I'm alive, I'll make you kiss me again. One day, I'll be your 100%. Style is absolutely set on this. And it won't be long until he makes good on that promise. At least on the promise he made this episode.

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep9 | Ep10 | Ep11 | Ep12)

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roseglass-writings · 29 days ago

Text

The Role of a Big Brother

I am currently obsessed with final destination bloodlines and desperately wanted to focus on the family bonds among the characters - but especially in this one scene with Erik and Julia. This took longer than intended to write as I kept on rewatching this scene to get the dialogue and details for the characters accurate lol. Hope you enjoy - I have some ideas for other scenes as well to expand on if this one goes well!

(If you saw this uploaded briefly before it was finished, no you didn't lol tumblr decided to glitch and post half way through when I went to save it to my drafts ffs lol)

there are no exact ages for any of the characters so I went with this:

Erik: 25, Julia and Stefani: 20, Bobby: 19, Charlie: 18

TW: violence, death, grief, blood, angst

Word count: 4319

---- 2005 ----

The sound of Erik's trainers against the gleaming white hospital floor's echoes along the corridor as he jumps about excitedly next to his Uncle Marty.

"Erik, I know you are excited, but you need to wait a moment - can you come and stand here, please?" His uncle asks, unable to stop his smile as he watches his small nephew.

"But it's taking ages!" Erik grumbles, before slumping against the fall next to his uncle and begins to chew against his already destroyed sleeve - the dark blue fabric already tearing.

"It won't be long now, your Dad is on his way, and then you will get to meet your new baby sibling."

"Will they be as noisy as Steffie?" Erik asks, looking up at his uncle, having stayed over the past couple of nights and having been around his cousin who was born a few weeks ago.

Marty chuckles, finding it adorable how quickly Erik gave her a nickname, "most likely, I'm afraid. It is just what babies do when they need attention as they can't speak. But soon enough they will be as big as you are now, and you will be able to play together."

At that moment, Howard pushes open the doors further down the corridor - his smile growing even larger at the sight of his son.

"Dad!" Erik cries at the sight of his Dad, rushes towards him and throwing himself into his arms, glad to be with his Dad after not seeing him for the past few days.

"Erik! How is my little man doing, hey?" Howard asks, easily picking him up tightly.

"Good, I missed you and mum though. Is she okay?" Erik asks.

"She is alright, just very tired. Have you been behaving for your aunt and uncle?" Howard asks, looking at Marty as he walks closer.

"Yeah! I even helped Auntie Dee with Steffie!" he responded, causing both men to chuckle.

"He has been as good as gold, Brenda and the baby okay?" Marty asks.

"Yeah, labour went on longer than expected, but everyone was okay luckily."

"Good," Marty responds, "anyway, I best be off now, Dee is still recovering, and I don't like leaving her alone for long. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for you."

"Thanks' for everything Marty, seriously." Howard responds, taking Erik's spiderman backpack off his hands.

"I'll see you soon, okay Erik? Thank you for helping us with Stefani, it has been lovely having you over."

Erik unlatches himself from his Dad to quickly wrap himself around his uncle's legs, before watching him leave.

"Come on bud, you've got someone very important to meet," Howard states, taking Erik's small hand into his own.

They walk through the halls, reaching a wooden door. Howard crouches down next to Erik, laying his hands gently onto his son's face, "when we get in there you are gonna have to be really good for me and make sure you aren't too loud okay? Your mum is very tired and hurt, and your baby sibling, much like your new cousin, can get scared easily by new things."

Erik nods his head rapidly in excitement, "I'll be good dad - promise! Aunty Dee and Uncle Marty can tell you how good I was with Steffie, even when she was crying!"

Howard chuckles, before running his hands through Erik's black hair and knocking on the door and walking inside.

"Mum!" Erik calls, walking quickly towards his mum who was laying in the hospital bed, her blonde hair shining in the sunlight from the window as her head snaps towards him.

"Erik! Oh how are you sweetie, come up here and give me a cuddle." Brenda responds, unable to stop her smile at the sight of her eldest child. Within an instant he climbs on the bed, gently wrapping his arms around her. Brenda wraps her arms around him in return, watching as Howard goes over to their newborn.

"How would you like to meet your baby sister?" Brenda asks softly.

"I have a sister?" Erik asks, shooting up and turning his attention towards Howard, who returned to their side and sat down carefully beside Erik on the bed. Within his arms, there lied the small baby - with small strands of golden hair sitting upon the crown of her head.

"She is so tiny," Erik whispers, his eyes unable to leave her form, "can I hold her?"

Howard chuckles lightly, "of course, you remember how your aunt and uncle showed you how to hold Stefani?"

"I do!" Erik responds, his legs kicking back and forth in excitement as he holds his arms out, watching carefully as Howard places his little sister on his lap.

"This, Erik, is your little sister Julia." Brenda states, her eyes filling up with tears at the sight of her children as she shares an emotional smile with Howard, who carefully rests his arm around Erik and holds her hand.

"Hi Julia," Erik whispers, staying perfectly still as she shuffles slightly, her eyes opening and staring up at him.

"As her big brother, it is your job to look after her," Howard states.

"Like I do with Steffie?" Erik asks, glancing up at his Dad before looking back down and letting Julia wrap her hand around his finger.

"Exactly," Howard chuckles, "while it is our job as your parents to look after both of you - we can't always be there. It is your job as her big brother, and in Steffie's case, her eldest cousin, to make sure they are okay when we are not there."

Erik nods in agreement, "I can do that - I promise! I will be an amazing big brother!"

Brenda and Howard share a laugh, "I know you will baby," Brenda replies, soaking in the sight of her family.

---2025----

Exhausted, Erik heads down the street - his body aching from the chaotic fire that erupted at the tattoo parlour the previous night. While the medics gave him the all clear, with his leather jacket paying the price rather than his flesh, it did not mean nearly having his septum piercing ripped out due to his boss' shitty interior and falling into fire didn't hurt like hell. Erik, while furious with his boss - especially as he didn't even bother coming back to the shop once the police were able to get a hold of him, is too exhausted to truly fight about it. He only went as a favour and to try to take his mind off of what happened to his dad - the sight of his dad's face being shredded by the lawn mower being forever burnt into his mind, with chunks of flesh sprayed around beside his skull and his eyes turned into mush.

Desperate to push the memory out of his mind, Erik focuses on the orange juice in his hand - his only energy booster until he can collapse onto his bed after explaining everything to his mum, albeit with a lot of the danger cut out to reassure her that he was okay. She hasn't been able to do anything but cry these past few days, with barely having the energy to get out of bed - especially after Stef dragged them all downstairs the day after his dad's funeral to tell them how they will all die. Erik scoffs, still feeling annoyed at his cousin's behaviour. From barely speaking to them since going off to college, to coming back saying that death is coming for them and that he is going to die - right after choosing to use his dad's death for attention? He doesn't even know what part of Stefani's actions has pissed him off more.

SREECH

Suddenly, his mind is snapped out of his wandering thoughts as a car slams into his legs - forcing him onto the hood.

"Ow!" He exclaims, looking up through the window, only to come face to face with the terrified faces of his cousins. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Erik?" Stef's muffled exclaim of surprise immediately causes him to be reminded of his annoyance towards her once more.

"Oh, yeah no, of course it's you," Erik groans, slapping the roof of the car and turns back towards the pavement as he tries to ignore how the pain in his legs has increased. As he takes a sip of his orange juice, he hears the car doors slam shut behind him.

"Dude," Charlie exclaims, causing Erik to roll his eyes in frustration, "we heard about the fire, we thought you were dead."

"I'm fine," Erik responds, turning back around to face them.

"Oh my god, are you okay? I was so worried about you," Stef rushes out, immediately grabbing onto his shoulders.

"Yeah, the firefighters said I was lucky as fuck that I was wearing that leather jacket, I barely got burned." He explains with a slight smile, wanting to reassure them if they already got the news that the whole place burnt down. That, and they would be easier to reassure than his mum. "Ruined my favourite jacket though."

Stef picks up his arm, quickly noticing the wrapping around his forearm, "what's this?"

"Oh!" He exclaims, "yeah, check it out."

Erik quickly pulls back the gauze to reveal his new tattoo and the - very painful - heart shape that is now burnt into his skin. "I got branded! Sick, right?" He states, raising his eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood as he glances over to his youngest cousin, "You like it?"

Stef's concern and worry quickly turns to anger, "you said you were asleep."

"Well you were blowing up my phone like a goddamn stalker, what do you want me to do?" He retorts, his annoyance growing.

"No, I don't get it," Stef argues, "you should be dead." She turns to Charlie in confusion.

"Right, right, yeah," Erik responds, tilting his head up towards the sky to hide his growing anger at Stef, trying to push it aside to focus on getting back home to sleep off the terrible night. "Or, you know, maybe," he begins as he wanders into the road to try and get away from them as he tries to play it off with a smile, "maybe death's not actually coming for our family. Because that would be fucking crazy."

A van screeches past right behind him, so close the wing mirror brushes against his hair, unrelenting in its pursuit down the road, with it's only acknowledgement of the near accident being the blaring horn.

"Jesus, shit!" He yells, his heart races out of his chest at the close-call, just wishing this day was over with. He looks back to his cousins, seeing the terror and panic etched clearly on both of their faces.

"Or maybe I'm invincible?" He jokes, hating to see such fearful looks on their faces. He chuckles, backing up and getting back onto the pavement - knowing with his luck they will follow him and continue Steffie's pursuit - but at least they will be off the road and away from any more reckless drivers.

"Erik!" Stef cries, her footsteps quickly racing after him with Charlie's following, "Erik!"

"Yeah," he responds, focusing on his house down the street and trying to ignore Stef's rambles about death until he has had some sleep.

"Erik wait, stop! Just wait, okay?"

"Hm." he hums in response, trying to brush off Stef's fixation on his death.

"Just because death didn't kill you last night doesn't mean that you're safe." Stef glances up at the tree, noticing the tree trimmer leaning against the branches. "Stay away from that tree trimmer!" She cries, grasping hold of Charlie's arm and pull him to the other side of her and away from the trimmer.

Erik looks over towards in and purposefully slows down, "ooh," he mocks as he scuttles past - focusing purposefully on the tree trimmer while doing so, "oooh, gonna move on it's own Stef is that what it's gonna do?"

"I-it could fall," she stutters, trying to rationalise her thought process and worries. "And stay away from those kids."

Erik glances over at the kid's lightly kicking the soccer together, the ball barely leaving the concrete, "I'll take my chances."

"Stef," Charlie begins, his concern for his sister's wellbeing growing, knowing that she hasn't been okay since returning home from college. "How's a couple of kids with a soccer ball gonna kill him."

Erik mindlessly listens to their conversation, finishing off his orange juice and chucking the carton into the open bin - understanding why Charlie is encouraging Stef's beliefs about death coming for them. He knows how much he missed his older sister, with Charlie often coming to visit them, asking if they had heard from her, or if he could hang out with them. With her suddenly being back for a while, it makes sense to Erik for Charlie to join her in this disturbing crusade as it means he gets to spend time with her once more, especially with how close they were before Stef went to college.

"I-I mean, I don't know, the trimmer could fall and hit the leaf-blower guy which causes him to... blow stuff into the kid's eyes and then kick the ball into his face." Stef blurts out, her mind racing as she tries to piece it all together.

"Woah, woah, woah," Erik sarcastically beings, turning around, mockingly serious as he faces his cousins, "a soccer ball to my face? That does sound deadly." He glances down to the concrete, trying to maintain a straight face. "I should be more careful."

Finally reaching the driveway, Erik notices Julia leaving the house about to start her usual morning jog.

"Hey," Julia calls, looking up from her phone.

"What's up." Erik responds, his exhaustion evident in his tone, knowing he is so close to being able to finally go to bed.

"What happened to you?" Julia asks, the news about the tattoo parlour having not reached her yet - much to Erik's relief.

"Charbroiled by death apparently," he jokes, showing her his new tattoo and burn mark.

"Kiki," Julia softly says, the familiar nickname causing Erik to feel slight guilt settling in his stomach at causing her to worry. "That look's really bad."

"Yeah, it's fine." Erik quickly reassures her - letting her grab hold of his arm to look over the burn, knowing she would be even more worried if he told her about the jacket and how close it was to being much worse.

"No, wait - let me see that." Julia responds, refusing to let Erik brush aside his burn mark - knowing that it is probably as bad as it looks and his nonchalance is bullshit.

"No, stop, stop" Erik teases Julia, slapping her hands away as soon as her finger goes near the burn, ignoring Stef beginning to press her hand against his back.

"Erik just stay away from the truck," Stef says, her eyes glued to the rubbish truck, backed up closely against Erik as though she was his shield.

Erik turns around, seeing the typical yellow truck slowly begin the process of emptying their bin. "Oh, what this truck?"

"Stop, stop," Stef panics, trying to stop Erik from walking backwards towards the truck, his carelessness causes her heart to race as she stands frozen, watching him get closer to it.

"Oh my god," Julia mutters, glancing at Charlie in annoyance that Stef is continuing the belief that death is after them after seeing how much it upset them so soon after just losing their Dad.

"This truck right here? But it's such a beautiful truck!" Erik states, ignoring Stef's pleas as she continues to try to get him away from it.

"Please, please just listen to me for once," Stef calls out - her worry evident as she glances between Erik, who turns around and begins to mockingly kiss the truck, "please, stop, stop," she stares intently at the metal arm grabbing the bin, glancing over at Erik, as though it may break and hurt him, "don't touch... Erik get away, stop."

Erik continues to ignore her, becoming more dramatic to wind her up, "you like that?"

He glances over his shoulder, seeing the slightly-disturbed and deadpan expressions on his cousins and sisters faces, before looking down at the tyre, "oh my god," he smacks the tyre, "uh oh!" looking back over to see Stef finally stop worrying for a second, with both her and Charlie looking mildly uncomfortable instead while Julia is busy on her phone.

"Oh Erik is tempting death again," he calls out, purposefully staring at Stef as he jokingly rubs his hips into the tyre, "what's gonna happen?"

"Stop doing that!" Stef snaps, more disturbed and angry at his mocking than worried.

"What's gonna happen?" Erik mocks with a grin, dancing towards Stef and pointing directly to the truck, just as it begins to drive off, "nothing at all."

"Wait, just please," Stef tries to explain.

"How about that." Erik states, just wanting to go to bed, his frustration at Stef growing by the minute as he walks towards her, wanting to get in the house.

"I am just trying to help you-" Stef is cut off, accidentally backing up into Julia, who was focusing on her phone.

"Okay," Julia startles, tucking her phone into her pocket,

"I swear to god," Erik mutters, "try less."

"Yeah, honestly, we are so done with your garbage," Julia states, tucking her earbuds into her ears as she begins off down the road.

Hearing Julia's response, Erik feels proud, knowing how much it hurt Julia when Stef went off to college and continuously blew her off and ignored her messages after being as close as twins with their birthdays only weeks apart. He had seen her cry on multiple occasions from Stef's actions once going to college last year, hearing her question his parents, Uncle Marty and Charlie whether she did something or if she found others she preferred spending time with there.

Trying once again to head towards the house, Stef turns towards him and quickly stops him once again, "can you please-"

"For the fifteen hundredth time," Erik snaps, his anger at Stefani finally blowing up, "no one gives a shit about your silly little death curse okay. So take a hint and leave us alone, because death's not coming for our family."

Julia's shrill shriek of surprise echoes around them, cause Erik to snap his attention towards his sister, only to see her body falling straight into the rubbish bin and emptied into the truck.

He freezes in shock, only for Stef pushing past to snap him out of it. He races towards the moving vehicle, ignoring the pain in his body from the fire and focuses on trying to get to his sister.

"Julia!" He cries, noticing Stef race towards the ladder while Charlie follows after him. He slams against the truck while Charlie tries to yell for the drivers attention - desperate to try and get the driver to notice them.

The truck's compacter begins to whirl into action, his heart pounding in his eardrums, his heart dropping into his stomach at the sound as he pushes himself to move quicker - the terrified and desperate screams from his little sister filling the air.

He reaches the passenger side of the truck, unable to open the door due to the lock. He slams on the window, yelling at the driver as he tries to get his attention, only to realise it isn't working and using the adrenaline coursing through his veins to push himself towards the front of the truck.

"Woah, woah! Hey, stop!" He yells throwing himself in front of the truck, uncaring about his safety as he desperately tries to save Julia, "stop!"

The truck comes to a screeching halt, however the sound of the compressor continues - alongside Julia's terrified screams.

"My sister's in the back!" He bellows, barely able to hear anything more than the the whirring compressor and Julia's scream turn into screams of agony, the blood curling cries filling the air just as he races around the other side of the truck - only to suddenly go silent.

Erik feels his body go numb as the adrenaline is replaced with dread, his heart pounding uncontrollably as his little cousin's screams of horror fill the air, still clutching tightly onto the ladder and Julia's arm.

The engine for the truck turns off, though Erik knows it is too late - his baby sister is dead.

He was too late.

"Charlie, go back to the house," he utters, desperately wanting to shield his youngest cousin from this, "now Charlie!" he pushes, not wanting him to linger around here anymore.

"Oh- oh god, what have I done. I didn't... I didn't know she was there..." the driver stutter's out, collapsing to the floor as he gets out of the truck and realises what happened.

"Call 911!" Erik yells towards the driver before forcing himself to climb up the ladder, his legs shaking from adrenaline as he focuses on getting his cousin down.

"Steffie," he murmurs once close to her, trying desperately not to look into the truck. Her sobs racks through her whole body, her hand still tightly holding onto Julia's.

He gently wraps his arm around her, with taking hold of Julia's still warm wrist, purposefully ignoring her blood now on his hand and on Stef. "You need to let go, okay? We need to get off the truck."

Stef shakes her head, words unable to leave her mouth as sobs uncontrollably rip their way through his body. "You must Steffie, we need to get down." Slowly, he is able to coax Julia's dismembered arm out of Stef's grasp, laying it down on top of the compressor as though it was made of glass.

Slowly, he is able to begin to get them both to climb down the ladder, but not before he catches a glimpse of what remains of his little sister. All that is visible is half of her skull, with her jaw having being crushing in half. Her eyes, frozen in fear and bulging out of their sockets - the once green eyes now bloodshot, with blood oozing from them. Blood splattered around her, and running from her nose onto the few teeth that were not destroyed. The rest of her body would be lying in the back of the truck - mixed with the typical waste from the street, reduced to nothing more than a bloody mess, as though she was just as insignificant as the orange juice carton he threw out moments ago in the same bin she fell in.

Clenching his eyes shut, ignoring the burning in his eyes as tears uncontrollably began to form as he focuses on getting Stef to the ground. As soon as they reach the ground she collapses to the floor, her anguished sobs racking though her body and she curls up against Erik, his arms wrapped around her tightly as he tries to comfort her.

Distantly he can hear the driver behind him breaking down while on the phone, stumbling over his words as he desperately tries to explain the situation, his guilt overwhelming him as he realises what he done.

Erik clings tighter onto his cousin, tears running down his face without his control. His heart clenches painfully as his gaze focuses unseeing on the ground, his mind struggling to wrap around the knowledge that his baby sister is gone. He can still hear her screams echoing through his mind, the pain and terror of her last moments forever imprinted in his soul - knowing that he was not quick enough to save her from her horrific fate.

His little sister was gone.

His little sister who used to follow him around with Stef, begging him to play with them.

His little sister who wanted to be just like him, to the point of cutting off her hair to match him when she was four.

His little sister who used to love bragging about her tricks on the trampoline and her skills at just dance, always roping him into contests.

His little sister who loved painted his nails and testing new styles and designs on him first.

His little sister whose first word was "Kiki", and always looked up to him and relied on him.

He was meant to look after her. That was his job, he was her big brother. And yet, even though he was inches away from her, Erik was too late and wasn't able to do anything. He failed her.

Suddenly, Erik hears footsteps racing towards them, Stef still inconsolable in his arms, as he looks up to see his Mum and little brother, both wearing matching expressions of distraught and disbelief.

"No..." Brenda manages to croak out, realising the truth when seeing Erik and Stef's crumbled forms on the road, "not my little girl, not my Baby."

Darlene quickly catches up and wraps her arm around Brenda just as she lets out a blood-curling scream, her agony at losing her daughter causing her to collapse to the floor. Darlene looks over at Erik and Stef, disbelief and horror in her eyes as she quickly realises the truth behind her own mother's beliefs about death being true.

Erik continues to watch the remains of his family as they fall apart, Bobby still staring at the truck, terror and distraught apparent on his face as he gently tries to comfort his mum, leaning against her with his hand pressed against her back. Charlie stays standing beside Darlene's, tears streaming down his face as his arms wrap around themselves, trying helplessly to figure out what to do.

"My little Julie, she can't be gone, tell me it's not true, please, Erik, tell me it's not true." Erik hears his mum pleads, guilt building in his lungs, powerless and unable to try to help or comfort her in anyway.

He failed his little sister, and she is never coming back.

#final destination bloodlines #erik campbell #julia campbell #stefani reyes #charlie reyes #howard campbell #darlene campbell #brenda campbell #marty reyes #bobby campbell #final destination

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blairespandora · 1 year ago

Text

Beggin' - Daryl Dixon SMUT

I uploaded this on Wattpad as well if you guys want to go and read it over there as well <33

Warnings: Established Relationship, Mild degradation, Sex, Mild Dom/Sub undertones.

Set in Alexandria, Pre-Negan. 2.8k of pure smut <3

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After talking and reminiscing after a long day, Daryl and Y/N decided it was time for bed. Daryl turned off the lights, and they settled into bed together. “Good night, princess. I love you.”

“What do you mean Daryl…” I smirk and shuffle to get on top of him “don’t tell me you are tired already... we haven’t finished for the night just yet.”

A cheeky grin tugged at the corners of Daryl's lips as he felt Y/N's body on top of him. He knew exactly what she had in mind. “Oh, princess, who said I was tired? I was just givin' you a moment to catch your breath. Guess there's still some fight left in me... and plenty of stamina.”

“Okay old man, whatever you say!” I smile and tease him whilst wrapping my arms around the hem of my top to take it off, making a show out of it, letting him have a good look at the view in front of him.

As he watched her undress, Daryl's eyes glinted with desire and a smirk spread across his face. “Old man, huh?... I'll show you just how energized this "old man" can be. Ain't no one wearin' me out tonight.”

I hum softly and go to take my trousers off as well as my underwear, all in one go. “I’ll be the one deciding that tonight big boy.” Saying softly as I settle back down in his lap.

As her trousers slid off her hips, revealing her curves, Daryl's eyes widened slightly, his breath hitching in his throat. Seems like someone's feeling bold tonight. “You wanna be in control, princess?” Daryl lifts his eyebrow, a slight challenge in his eyes. “Well, I ain't one to back down from a challenge. I'll let you lead... for a while, at least.”

I let out a surprised noise as he agreed to step down and let me be in charge. “Been trying to convince you for such a long time, finally letting on?” I smirk and take off his shirt, folding it in a line and tying his hands to the bed post with the material. “Sure you can handle it Dar’?”

As he felt the shirt wrapping around his wrists, Daryl couldn't help but chuckle softly, a mixture of surprise, excitement, and amusement in his eyes. “Guess there's a first time for everything, huh? But if you think you're gonna keep me here all night, princess, you're sorely mistaken.” He smiled up at her, his eyes filled with desire and a hint of mischief.

“You better make it worthwhile.”

Hearing his words only edged you on to continue with your actions, there was an electric rush running through your body at the thoughts of finally taking charge and having Daryl Dixon at your own mercy for the very first time. “Keep talking like that and I will have to gag you up, Dixon.”

His lips parted in surprise at your words, then curled into a mischievous smile. Daryl's voice dropped to a husky whisper, a playful glint in his eyes. “Oooh, princess, you're gettin' pretty assertive tonight, huh?... Well, you better be prepared for the consequences if you gag my mouth off,girl. Because there's plenty of other ways I can make some noise.” Glaring at you playfully.

I nodded and decided to go through with the action. “Told you Daryl but you didn’t listen now did you…” Shaking your head softly, you got up from his lap and went to grab one of the bandanas laid by your bedside table, folding it gently. “I am a woman of my word, darling.” I grin and get back on his lap, tying the material securely around his pretty little mouth and start kissing down his body.

As I placed the cloth around his mouth, Daryl let out a muffled laugh. He watched me with eager eyes, his anticipation growing with each passing moment. When she removed his trousers, his arousal was evident, and his eyes darkened with desire. Despite his restrained state, his body reacted to her touch, and a low moan escaped his throat. He tried to speak back, but all that came out were muffled noises.

As her lips grazed his face and my kisses travelled down his chest, Daryl groaned softly behind the cloth. His body arched toward me, the restraint of his bindings adding an exhilarating edge to the sensations she was evoking in him. He ached to touch her, to run his hands over her skin and return the intimate caresses, but the restrictions only heightened his desire.

“Tap the bed post twice at any point if you don’t like something that I am doing alright baby?” I make sure that he knows he can get out at any point as I continue caressing his body and lowering down so my mouth can continue worshipping down his navel, getting closer and closer to his manhood. I enjoyed taking my time with all of the actions, taking him apart slowly, making sure to keep him on the edge constantly.

Daryl nodded, appreciating her care and consideration for his comfort. He tapped twice on the bedpost as a signal to indicate he understood her instructions and was willingly submitting to her lead. A mixture of anticipation and desire filled him, tinged with a hint of vulnerability.

“Good boy, Daryl…” I sigh with content, looking at him with hungry but loving eyes.

His heart skipped a beat at her words. He'd never been one to readily submit to anyone's commands, but there was something about the way she said it that sent a shiver down his spine. Being under her control was both thrilling and slightly uncomfortable. Despite the cloth gagging his mouth, Daryl managed to let out a muffled grunt in acknowledgment, silently telling her that he was enjoying the unexpected role reversal.

Continuing to ascend, my mouth finally reaching his cock and taking the head straight into my mouth, slowly kissing it before beginning to fully suck down it. Daryl's head arched back, his body responding to her teasing touches. The cloth gag prevented him from fully expressing his pleasure, but he made sure to let out muffled moans and groans to convey his appreciation for her attention. The mixture of teasing and affection only heightened his need, leaving him wanting more. He tugged at his restraints, yearning to touch her in return.

You could hear him try to speak out but hearing his muffled cries of pleasure were taking a bigger toll on your body than you were expecting, leaving you drenched down bellow forcing you to grind your core down on his calve as you continued sucking him dry. “Love seeing you all weak, responding so well to me baby... you look so good tied up and all ready for me…”

His body shuddered slightly at her words, the praise adding fuel to the fire burning within him. Although he was unable to speak, Daryl's eyes conveyed a mixture of desire, surrender, and adoration. His chest rose and fell with each breath, a testament to the effect she was having on him. The realization that he was completely at her mercy both thrilled and unnerved him, but he trusted her implicitly.

“You look like a deer… all helpless and all mine” I smirk seductively and drag my teeth down Daryl’s thighs, kissing as I go along before continuing to tease his cock. Daryl let out a stifled gasp as her teeth grazed his thigh, the mixture of pleasure and pain sending a surge of desire through his body. He couldn't deny the truth in her words. He felt vulnerable yet incredibly turned on under her control. The helplessness of his restrained state only heightened his sensitivity to her touch, making him crave more of her domination.

I keep edging him on, not letting him reach his high just yet, it would have been too early, the fun couldn’t be over just yet. “Look at you sweetheart... all desperate to be touched. Whining and moaning for me to make you cum, how cute.”

His eyes widened slightly, a mixture of pleasure and frustration evident in his gaze. Daryl could feel the mounting tension building within him, the pleasure approaching that peak but never quite reaching it. He wanted nothing more than to reach his peak, but her control over him prevented him from doing so. The sensation was maddening, leaving him both aroused and frustrated in equal measure.

After a while I climb back onto his lap and start grinding my pussy against his aching harness, making the both of us moan loudly. “I have to take care of myself now baby-“ I say with a mock pout on my face. “and maybe after, I can try to get you to cum if you are going to be a good boy and watch me fuck myself with my fingers”.

Daryl's eyes widened further, his breathing growing ragged behind the gag. The thought of watching her pleasure herself whilst he was helpless and denied release drove him wild. He made muffled sounds of agreement, a mixture of desperation and eagerness in his eyes nodding his head like a mad man, touch starved.

She moves so she is still sitting on his lap but now moving her pussy closer so Daryl can see it, caressing it with her fingers before starting to massage her clit properly and after a while slowly inserting her digits one by one, holding Daryls chin with the other hand, forcing him to watch the show she was putting on for him. “Such a shame it can’t be your fingers inside of me Daryl… making me feel so good” I moan softly as my fingers reach for my g-spot, abusing the soft tissue.

Daryl's eyes locked onto her every move, his chest heaving with desire and frustration. He couldn't believe the sight before him, witnessing her pleasure herself inches away from his own unsatisfied need. The muffled moans escaping from behind the gag were a perfect reflection of his internal conflict, his restraint being both a challenge and a maddening frustration.

Only after a few more maddening seconds, she reaches her high, coming hard on top of Daryl, legs shaking ridiculously from the intense orgasms shes just had.

Daryl's heart raced at the sound of her moan, his whole body tensing at the realization that she'd reached her climax while he'd been denied his own. It was both an intensely hot moment and an agonizingly unfair one. Crawling at his restraints so much he managed to shake her out of the little after-climax cloud and getting her to focus back on him. He kept moaning and muffling out begs of release.

“Are you needy baby…?” I smirk as I go down to peck his clothed mouth.

His eyes met hers, a mix of need and pleading in them. He nodded vigorously, a muffled groan escaping his gagged mouth. The denied orgasm had left him feeling desperate and restless, the fire within him burning fiercely.

“Want me to help you out…?” I continue to tease him, the high of being in control of one of the most dangerous men you have ever known getting to you.

He enthusiastically nodded again reminding you of a dog ready to listen to his owners every order, unable to hide the desperation in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than her touch, her release. His breathing grew more rapid, the anticipation building in him with each passing moment.

“Are you going to be a good boy?” I ask him seriously whilst rubbing his cock behind me, tending to his hard on, making sure it stays there.

He let out a muffled groan, his eyes full of pleading. He nodded eagerly, his commitment to being her good boy unwavering. He needed her, craved her touch, and was willing to do anything she asked of him.

I take the cloth off from his mouth and smile down at him. “You earned it baby… you can speak now, I want to hear you.”

With the cloth removed, his voice was hoarse but full of pent-up desire. "Please... please... I need you... I'll be a good boy, anything you want... just, please..." His eyes locked onto her, pleading and vulnerable, his entire being completely surrendered to her control.

I pause a little bit at how surprised I am hearing him beg so earnestly “Anything for you baby…”

He caught the flicker of surprise in her eyes and held her gaze, his own eyes filled with both devotion and need, completely unashamed at his vulnerability. "Anything," he repeated hoarsely, his voice trembling with earnestness and longing.

Finally deciding to put him out of his misery, I raise my body up from his lap a little bit, just enough to grab his cock and guide it to my wet heat before dropping down in one smooth movement, taking his long and hard cock and sheathing it inside of me whilst I release the longest moan of tonight.

I can feel Daryl falling apart below you as well, feeling his legs shuffling on the bed as his hips thrust up weakly, in order to not anger your control as he rocks back and forth.

With my hands supporting me on his chest, I lean back down, close enough so our noses touch and our breaths mix together. “Tell me how you feel” I demanded.

Daryl's breaths came in ragged gasps, his gaze locked onto hers as he struggled to articulate his feelings. "Feels so.. so good," he groaned, his voice low and husky with desire. "Needed you so bad.. couldn't hold... couldn't hold back... felt so good when you said... good boy.."

“That’s right baby” I smirk and move our bodies in unison moaning “…making me feel so good with your cock deep inside of me”.

Every movement sent waves of pleasure coursing through him, and he felt himself willingly slipping deeper into submission and surrender. He'd never thought he would find such satisfaction in relinquishing control, yet here he was surrendering completely to her touch and voice. "Wanna make you feel good... wanna be your good boy..." he gasped, surrendering completely to her command.

I moan at his words, liking the fact that he became so drunk in submission that he was just babbling away “keep talking baby, and I’ll keep moving”.

His words spilled out in a jumbled rush, breathless and desperate. "Feels so good... so good... love making you feel good... never thought I'd find this... but I'm yours now. Yours to command, yours to control... whatever you want, whatever you need..." His body arched slightly under her touch as he continued to speak, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "Wanna be your good boy... wanna make you happy... wanna worship you... make you feel so good..." he babbled, his words fuelled by raw desire and surrender.

His words took on a more desperate tone, his need for her increasing with each one of your movement. "Want to worship you, princess. Make every touch and sensation yours. I'm yours, completely. Command me... use me... whatever you desire..." he moaned, his voice thick with longing and surrender.

I couldn’t resist anymore and with one last thrust of his, I came undone, “Daryl… I love you” my body starting to convulse a bit but before I became completely jelly I go to undo his arm restraints.

Daryl's arms immediately wrapped around her, pulling her close. His embrace was desperate and possessive, a mixture of relief and primal need. He held her trembling body tightly, his breath coming in ragged gasps next to her ear. He saw red, thrusting with as much power as his body allowed him as you remained cuddled up in his strong arms taking all that he was willing to give you.

It only took a few more moments for him to release inside of you before he crashed down next to you. His chest heaving with the force of his orgasm. He lay there for a moment, gasping for breath and trying to catch up to the whirlwind of sensations that had just consumed him. Daryl’s mind was still swimming with bliss and contentment, his body feeling wrung out in the best way possible.

“Wow…” I say with an airy sigh still.

Daryl let out a breathless chuckle. "Yeah... wow."

There was a brief pause as they both lay there, the reality of what had just happened starting to sink in. Daryl reached out to pull her closer to him, his arms wrapping around her in a protective but tender embrace.

“Thank you for letting me take charge baby… it was amazing” I giggle and stuff my head into his side.

He chuckled quietly, his hand gently caressing her hair. "Never thought I'd enjoy giving up control that much, but it was incredible. You're amazing, and I'll let you take charge anytime you want, princess." He gave her a soft kiss on the top of her head, the admiration and affection evident in his voice.

“I love you, smelly” I grin up at him and kiss him deeply.

“Love ya’ too, princess” He smiles and kisses back, tucking us both under the covers.

Cleaning up can wait till morning, I guess…

┗━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━┛

#fanfic #daryl dixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon smut #daryl dixon fanfic #one shot #reader #daryl x reader #the walking dead daryl #daryl x female reader #daryl x y/n

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mission-light-if · 2 months ago

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Mission Light - Lawyer Path Part 2 - Out Now!

Hello guys, it's me again :)

First of all, I know I said that I would try to upload the update by the 8th of April, but yeah, that didn't happen, obviously.

Before my top surgery, a lot happened, and I had no time to finish everything.

I also lost some of the things I had written because I was careless.

I was frustrated about that, and after the surgery, I needed some time to recover. I also had a few complications, and university started again.

By now, I've managed to rewrite a lot of what was lost, but not everything.

Since I finally want to put something out there, and it's been six months since I originally wanted to finish the lawyer prologue, I've decided to upload what I have so far.

Which, in itself, is also a lot—I'd estimate it to be around 170,000–180,000 words :)

Now, there are still about 3-4 things missing, but when you play the new update, you'll notice that I added a short text/info when that's the case.

I will add those sections in the future. There are also some more minor things I want to add here and there, so my work on the lawyer prologue isn't finished yet.

However, since I have worked on it so much, I’m really tired of seeing it at the moment. So maybe I'll start working on the next chapter first and then get back to what’s missing in the lawyer prologue later on to regain some motivation/fun in writing. I've been wanting to start the next chapter for so long; I finally want to write all the scenes I've been planning and more.

Honestly, it’s been an up-and-down process. Sometimes I was really motivated, sometimes I wasn't, and there were just parts I kept putting off because I had no fun writing them, but I needed them for the progression of the story. So, the quality of the writing may differ in some parts.

I also have to fix the scaling and the relationship/flirt points for some characters/parts, but that's something that only concerns me for now since they aren’t really relevant at the moment, but yeah.

Starting now, I want to do weekly updates. That means, at the end of every week, I’ll upload a new version with everything I’ve written and done during that week, so please remember that. It could be a new choice, just one new paragraph, or maybe a lot of new content.

I will always tell you what I added/changed, though.

If you find any bugs/code problems, please let me know on Tumblr :)

I also try to answer the remaining asks at some point, but it may take some time since I have an important exam coming up that I can’t fail because it's my second-to-last chance to pass.

Nonetheless, I’m really proud of what I’ve achieved.

It’s been almost a year since I started working on this project, and even though I would have liked to have published more by now, I’m really happy with what I’ve done so far.

The way it’s going right now, I’ll probably be writing this for like 5 more years, but that’s okay—art takes time, and I know I function differently than others, in the way I work, think, and how my energy levels work.

I’ve worked for at least three hours almost every day on this project, at least on the days I was home and not out, and it's the most, the longest, and the most consistent thing I’ve ever done.

Even if my writing, storytelling, progression, and choices aren't perfect, I’m happy I started this. Otherwise, it would have forever remained a dream of mine.

This is the project I always wanted to do: writing, game mechanics, my art, and my characters. So, I think this will be sort of my life project.

It's really, really far in the future, but at one point, I would love to add maybe a mini webtoon, mini-games, a better sidebar, more lore, game mechanics like a diary or letters, a timeline, some voiced lines, etc., stuff like that, and maybe even a character creator drawn by me, where you can create your own character.

That way, when I finish everything, I’ll truly have my dream work of art, incorporating all forms of art I like and everything I mentioned before.

I am grateful for every person reading and liking my story; it means so much to me.

Now for the update

This update includes:

Updated Prologue and First Part:

I changed a lot of the writing/internal struggles of the main character

I added the possibility to play matchmaker between Hongyu and Marcos/Maria

I added more depth to the main character's past with Noel and the lingering effects

I also changed a lot of the choices and their outcomes

I added a new system for Noel and the main character's dynamic (hate him, believe in good/nostalgia, afraid of him)

The New Second Part:

Meet Noel again and deal with him in different ways

Learn about your coworkers' superpowers

Pick one of two choices, leading to two entirely different fight paths

Awaken your own powers

Decide how to approach the fight with Noel (on both paths), leading to many individual fight outcomes (the two different broader paths with 4 main splits and even more choices on one, and 2-3 splits on the other)

Meet another agent, Min, in the aftermath of the fight and deal with everything that happened

Ask more questions and figure out more about what’s going on and went on behind the scenes

Prepare/start to get ready to confront Noel and his group in the next chapter to finally end things once and for all

Meet more agents (Sinan and Nayla) in the end and meet your group's pet dog, Vin :)

That’s it for now :)

Take care,

Jakob

Play here

#interactive fiction #interactive game #interactive novel #interactive story #mission light #if #mission light if #lgbtq #missionlightupdate

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ryolina · 6 months ago

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Wanna Be Yours

Pairing with Daemon Targaryen

Prompts:

MY oC is the sister of the Hightower siblings. Being born between Gwayne and Alicent is something difficult. Especially after their mother passed away, everything became even worse. Not long after the long and profound mourning experienced by their family, Argent and Gwayne had to bid farewell to their father and younger sister when they were called to King's Landing. The farewell left a small wound that would always be remembered, especially the face of her little sister crying while hugging their father's leg when she was no more than 7 years old. After that long wait, the father, who had become the Hand of the King, summoned the two siblings to come to the King's Landing. He asked Argent to stay in King's Landing with him and brought Gwayne to participate in the tournament held by the king. There, she met Prince Daemon with his title as the Rouge Prinve. The first time seeing someone with an abundance of charisma radiating around them. A sense of pride for being born a Targaryen, carrying the blood of dragons. The man was very charming, handsome if one could be more specific. Until Argent, who stood in front of him, had difficulty breathing until the prince walked past her.

Highly Disclaimer.

Hello, my name is Lin. And this is my very first story that I am uploading here. I am quite used to fan fiction and have several that I am trying to finish. I upload it on the orange platform with the W logo if you're curious. Disclaimer, I haven't read any of the books, so some timelines may differ significantly from the original story because the source I'm using is the TV show. Additionally, English is not my first language, but I am still trying to learn it, so please forgive me if you find any grammatical errors. As a point of information, I wrote the draft of this story in my first language and translated it into English using a website, so the language might not align with the poetic literary style. But hopefully, that obstacle won't diminish your interest when you are keen to read this story. I hope you enjoy it. If there's something you want to say, just write it down, I'll read it.

Warm regards, Lin.

Chapter 1. Arrived to Kings Landing for the Tournment

Sumarry: That day was a delightful day in Oldtown where Argent lived with her entire family, the Hightowers. She had packed all the necessary items when a raven was sent by The Hand that she would move to King's Landing with his older brother, who would participate in the tournament held by the king to celebrate the birth of his son. There, Argent finally met her sister and father after a long separation when Otto served as the hand of the king. There also stood Princess Rhaenyra, accompanying Alicent to welcome her older sister.

Chapter 2. The Golden Cloak

Sumarry: Argent has just arrived in King's Landing after a very long and exhausting journey. She never imagined that the journey by carriage would be so long, and the fatigue was almost the same as those who traveled by horse. Exhausted Argent fell asleep comfortably in the guest room that had been prepared. In the morning, Argent felt so refreshed and ready to accept her sister's invitation to tour the castle. They walked randomly back and forth with Alicent, who explained everything meticulously. After a while, they finally started chatting, and both were surprised to see someone with white hair walking past them, oblivious to the gazes around him. There, for the first time, Argent saw the Prince who was rumored with all the scandals and titles behind his name. There, shameless lips also whispered very softly about the terrible incident that happened last night. About the knights in golden cloaks.

Chapter 3. The Rouge Prince,

Sumarry: Although the unpleasant incident had just occurred when Prince Daemon executed the prisoners without a fair trial, the tournament planned by the king continued as if nothing had happened. That morning, while preparing to attend the tournament, Argent got ready in her room, assisted by her sister who was becoming increasingly skilled at hairstyling. Argent imagined that her sister's daughter would surely be beautiful because their mother was good at styling hair. They went out together and sat side by side in the stands. When the tournament finally began, Prince Daemon, representing the Targaryens, received a very warm welcome from all the spectators who had come. His charming entrance made Argent almost struggle to breathe, causing her to unconsciously squeeze her sister's fingers.

Chapter 4. The Tournament and The Death of the Queen

Sumarry: The tournament held simultaneously with Queen Emma giving birth ended in the absolute loss of the Targaryens. Apparently, the terrible event last night gave a bad omen that went unnoticed by anyone. The prince's defeat in a one-on-one duel with a poor knight whose family name was unknown to anyone. until the loss due to a difficult birth caused the death of the queen and the baby in her womb. The entire kingdom fell into deep sorrow, and the king was plunged into prolonged grief.

Chapter 5. For the shake of stability for the realm or for your own ego, father!

Sumarry: On a day filled with sorrow due to the absolute loss experienced by the Realm, the day still ended well. The two sisters who enjoyed the tournament parted ways as they headed to their respective rooms. Argent was so tired and a bit sad because her older brother lost in a one-on-one battle against Prince Daemon. However, for some reason, the way he said her name sounded so sweet, so ticklish that it made Argent giggle when she remembered it. one sister who is happy and the other who is entangled in the dark and disgusting game of thrones. As soon as Argent learned that her father had pushed Alicent towards the dragon's maw, Argent became so furious that she slapped her father. There, unbeknownst to the girl, the prince, her beloved, watched and smiled very satisfied at the little quarrel. There, Prince Daemon intercepted Argent in the hallway as she walked towards her room and introduced himself formally while extending his hand.

Chapter 6..

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10.

#daemon targaryen #daemon targaryen x reader #hotd fanfic #house of the dragon fanfic #daemon targaryen smut

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crystalofmoon19 · 1 year ago

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I Love You Too Much - Striker x Singer! Reader

Summary: You finally decided to confess your feelings to Striker and you were going to surprise him with a song that you composed for him.

Warnings: None! It's just pure love for Striker.

Word count: 1900

Song used: I Love You Too Much - The Book Of Life

(Note: This fic was going to be uploaded on Valentine's Day, but due to personal problems I’m uploading it now.)

Striker was in his lair sharpening his knife for his next mission, if he ever had one, he gave an annoyed snort, leaving his knife aside. He was really already tired of losing so many fights in vain, he wanted to get revenge on Blitz and Stolas for everything they had put him through, but in addition to thinking about them he also thought about you.

While he was losing his battles, he had also met you, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. You two met when Striker had to crash a party to kill one of his targets, you on the other hand were singing on the improvised stage that you and your friends had made.

Your voice was so beautiful and melodious that Striker couldn't help but be attracted to you.

Striker decided to talk to you once he finished targeting him and when he talked to you he realized that you were just as beautiful on the inside as you were on the outside. You valued life with a lot of love and compassion, very contrary to him who was just a dirty murderer who killed royalty, but still the two of you got along well and stayed in touch to this day.

Clearly Striker hasn't told you anything about his mercenary life, but ever since he met you he's had a big dilemma, whether to carry out his revenge against Blitz or...

“Leaving my life as a murderer to be with her.” .- Striker said out loud to himself.

It had taken him years to perfect his life as an assassin, but it was a life he didn't like living, having the stress all the time was killing him and being with you was so rewarding. He could be himself with you and you wouldn't judge him.

Striker continued with his train of thought until he heard a loud noise.

“Striker now has a letter from-!” Striker's mariachis sang in unison, who came out of his hiding place.

“GET OUT OF HERE!” Striker shouted angrily.

“No, no, sir, we have a letter for you!” .- One of the mariachis spoke, the elderly one with the big mustache.

"A letter?" .- Striker asked for the first and only time interested in his mariachis.

“That's right, sir, this letter is for you!” .- Said the female imp who with the others raised the letter for Striker to pick it up.

“It's Miss Y/N's, she told us to give it to you!”

“She is very pretty!”

Striker gave a sinister look at the imp who said that and got scared. This time his gaze went to the letter and he began to read it.

“Dear Striker…

Hi Striker, I know you're busy but I'd really like to see you soon. I've missed you a lot lately. Is it okay if we meet at the stream near my town during the sunset? I'll bring the food for a picnic and you could bring the wine.

I hope to see you again, Striker.”

- Y/N ♡

After finishing reading your letter, Striker couldn't help but smile and wag his tail with happiness. It had been a long time since he felt this happy and only you could make him happy.

And without thinking twice Striker started looking for the wine that he had saved for a while. He was so excited to see you again.

“Sir, are you okay?” .- Said one of the mariachis.

“I think it's the first time I've seen it like this.” .- Said another.

"Yes, me too."

“What did the letter say?”

“YOU GET OUT OF HERE!”

___________________________________________

You prepared the food basket, put the tablecloth, the candles and checked that everything was ready. There was only one more thing missing, your guitar. You really wanted to confess your feelings for Striker, and what better way to do it than with a song?

You mustered up the courage to write a letter to Striker and made an appointment to meet him at the stream that was near your town. You really wanted him to come.

“Miss Y/N, we're here!” .- One of Striker's mariachis spoke from the ground and you just laughed as you lifted them up with your hands.

“You're right on time, guys. Did you deliver my letter to Striker like I asked?”

“Yes, Miss Y/N!”

“We have never seen him so happy!”

“Well done, guys. Now as I promised, I will leave you some of my food if you help me with my song.”

“Yes, Y/N!”

"Thank you so much, guys."

With that the little mariachis got into the basket. You smiled leaving your house and headed to the place where you met Striker; you just hoped he could come.

You were still a little nervous about all of this. You loved Striker, but he had been busy with his work and you weren't sure if he would give you time to come over today; he was always very reserved with his work. You didn't know if confessing was a good idea or not, maybe Striker didn't see you the same way, but you still decided to risk confessing your feelings to him.

That's how you arrived at the aforementioned place, you took the blanket out of the basket and spread it, then you placed some candles; you wouldn't put the food out until Striker arrived, otherwise the food would get cold.

With everything ready, you just had to wait, so you just looked into the distance and sat on the floor while you tuned the chords of your guitar. You watched as Wrath's infernal sun slowly descended into the sunset, a short time later you heard Bombproof's gallop and quickly got up happy to see Striker; for his part, he left Bombproof near the tree, got off his horse, took out the wine, and greeted you with a gesture with his hat.

“Hello, darlin’.”

“Striker, I'm so happy to see you!” .- You hugged Striker without thinking twice, and he, although a little surprised, returned the hug.

“It seems like someone is very happy to see me.”

"You have no idea." .- You said, blushing on your cheeks and looking away from Striker.

"Are you hungry? If you want, we can start eating.”

“Sounds good to me, darlin’. “I brought your favorite wine.”

“Aw, Striker, thank you very much. “I just brought your favorite food.”

“You didn't have to do it, songbird.”

“I wanted to do it for you.”

“You are so sweet, sugarcube.”

A blush returned to your cheeks as you took the food out of the basket. With this you and Striker didn't stop talking to catch up on how they were while enjoying the food you prepared.

When the two of you finished eating, you settled down to drink the wine that Striker brought, he poured it into the glasses you brought and you gave a toast to this. With this you saw in the distance how the infernal sun of Wrath set in the evening.

“That's why I wanted you to come at this time, Striker. I wanted you to see the sunset of Wrath, our home.”

“Well, you're right, darlin'. The Wrath sunset is one of the best and from here you have a stunning view.”

“This feeling you have right now is the same feeling I feel when I'm with you, Striker.” .- You got closer to Striker and took his hands to look him in the eyes while he just looked at you a little surprised.

“What are you trying to say, darlin’?” .- Striker asked you while you raised your hand to your chest, taking a big breath. It was now or never.

“I think it would be best if I sing you a song about the feelings I have felt from my heart, Striker… Mi amor.”

Your words in Spanish caught Striker's interest as you picked up your guitar to start singing.

“I love you too much.”

“To leave without you loving me back.”

“I love you too much.”

“Heaven’s my witness and this is a fact.”

“I know I belong.”

“When I sing this song.”

“There’s love above love and it’s ours.”

“‘Cause I love you too much.”

Striker opened his eyes wide, he couldn't believe you were confessing in a love song, his rattle tail kept waving happily and he was smiling genuinely at your singing, he wanted to keep listening to your song, he was adoring you even more.

“I live for your touch.”

“I whisper your name, night after night.”

“I love you too much.”

“There’s only one feeling and I know it's right.”

“I know I belong.”

“When I sing this song.”

“There’s love above love and it’s ours.”

“‘Cause I love you too much.”

You gave a signal to the mariachis, they came out of the basket and joined you in your serenade playing their instruments.

“Heaven knows your name and I've been praying.”

“To have you come here by my side.”

“Without you a part of me is missing.”

“Just make you my home, I will fight.”

You continued the song playing the chords of your guitar, you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest at any moment, but on the other hand Striker was so surprised and at the same time he was loving you at every moment. He didn't even care that the mariachis were here anymore, he only had his eyes and ears for you.

“I know I belong.”

“When I sing this song.”

“There’s love above love and it’s ours.”

“‘Cause I love you too much.”

You kept a moment of silence where you took a big breath to sing the highest note.

“I Love…

“You too much!”

“I love you too much.”

“Heaven’s my witness and this is a fact.”

“You live in my soul.”

“Your heart is my goal.”

“There’s love above love and it’s mine cause I love you.”

“There’s love above love and it’s yours ‘cause I love you.”

“There’s love above love and it’s ours.”

“If you love me.”

“As much.”

When you finished singing, you put your guitar aside, and gave him a smile as your cheeks blushed; he seemed as nervous or more nervous than you, so you decided to talk.

“Striker, you have always been very important to me, and I hope that with this song that I composed for you, my feelings have…” Before you could say anything else, Striker interrupted you, giving you a big hug, one of the biggest hugs. strong ones you have received; since he even picked you up and spun you around.

"I love you too, sweetheart!" .- Striker said that he began to give you kisses on your cheeks.

"Ay, mi amor!" .- You laughed at his kisses that tickled you.

When Striker put you down, you got closer to him and he also got closer to you, in a quick movement Striker's tail caught your hips and he leaned you over, holding onto your figure. You screamed but you saw that he took off his hat that would cover them from the kiss.

You returned the kiss immediately and kissed him with as much passion as he was giving you and you even stroked his hair and your tail met his.

Now Striker no longer had any doubts about it, he preferred to be by your side than any other revenge he might have, he would leave everything for you.

♡

#helluva boss #the book of life #helluva boss striker #striker x reader #helluva boss striker x reader #i love you too much #songfic #manolo sanchez #maria posada #manolo x reader #maria posada x reader #manolo x maria

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rotting-ink · 4 months ago

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Weekly Update

Hello! A tiny bit late, but was more busy on the weekend that I thought I'd be, but we're making really good progress!

V's introduction section is all done! With a little bow tied around it and everything. Featuring two potential cameos from Z whose keeping a firm eye on the situation, you're sure to feel like you're being watched. Good luck.

Starling's Introduction Section is already double the size of V's, featuring two potential flashbacks to your Witch's origins, as well as at least three ways to figure out an extra clue about Luke Buckley.

S's Introduction has been outlined and ready to go whenever Starling's one is done, same for L's appearance at the end of the chapter, with a nice hot cameo of E being all smitten. Seir had ditched you for the first part of you investigation, but will be at your side for the second half!

Been thinking about including a quick start section for each book, so you can skip the intro and origins and go straight into the chapter. Also finally figured out how to make a greyed out effect for Books not yet done/ not unlocked yet.

I'm also going to code in a piece of art I've commissioned from a good friend of mine, @undead-merman ! That and also re-implement a cover to load the game in.

Arranged Marriage is so close to being done, 3/4 powers have been finished, but that will take roughly 1-2 days of coding since it's so beefy.

Also I'm still messing around with CSS, I can code easily enough when it comes to selecting stuff and things more intricate, but man I need all the help with making the game look better.

So, that's about it! After implementing quick play, I'll upload some previews of scenes by Beta Testers pick out. Everyone enjoy your Wednesday!

#rottedinkspills #update

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spencerreidsbookfairy · 1 year ago

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i have no one to blame but you

YALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL this was so hard write im sorry if it sucks but another question.....concert scene??? just a thought

I'm at peace. I am. At. peace.

So why do I wanna see him?

My fans loved the tracks and that makes me happy but i'm not actually happy i'm slightly content at most

Nope. y/n go to bed

Meanwhile at the bau…..

Garcia swears she could pass out after seeing y/n released 3 song tracks

She the grabs her laptop and struts her pink glittery high heels across the bureau in a panic

Derek sees her power walking to the empty round table he knew it was a calm day with no cases and in fact they were just about to leave and head home

‘’Whoa baby girl slow down what with the rush to the round table is there an emergency case?’’

She immediately spills the beans no longer able to keep it in but she says it in a hushed whisper because spencer is right across from them by the coffee pot

“ No! y/n just uploaded music again after a month and i wouldnt be surprised if she wrote nasty lyrics about boy genius!!!!’’

Derek is taken aback

“Relax penelope i'll go listen with you im sure its nothing”

Garica nods

As theyre both going to y/ns page to see for themselves incomes jj and emily

Garcia sighs and says ‘’ good, sit down both of you”

Garica explains the situation all over again

They finally begin listening to the first track snow angel

I met a boy

He broke my heart

I blame him 'cause

It's easier

They finish snow angel, speechless

“Oh my god its definitely about him what are we gonna do if spencer hears this on the radio or somethin-”

“ deep breathes garcia” emily adds

Second track lost cause

Thought you had your shit together, but damn, I was wrong

You ain't nothin' but a lost cause

‘’ but spencer does have his shit together! Maybe not to her but thats so-” derek tries to say

“ he doesn’t deserve this we practically forced him to not like her” jj interupts

Track three happier than ever

You call me again, drunk in your Benz

Driving home under the influence

You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath

'Cause you only listen to your fucking friends

I don't relate to you

I don't relate to you, no

'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty

You made me hate this city

And I don't talk shit about you on the internet

Never told anyone anything bad

'Cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything

And all that you did was make me fucking sad

So don't waste the time I don't have

And don't try to make me feel bad

I could talk about every time that you showed up on time

But I'd have an empty line 'cause you never did

Never paid any mind to my mother or friends

So I shut 'em all out for you 'cause I

was a kid

You ruined everything good

Always said you were misunderstood

Made all my moments your own

Just fucking leave me alone

‘’ spencer cannot listen to this” garcia decides

“Listen to what?”

Everyone at the table freezes in their seat

“ not you spencer, another spencer” garcia quickly says

Everyone else at the table mentally face palms

‘’Right….let me listen to whatever you're hiding, thanks.’’

‘’ why are you guys listening to y/ns music?”

Spencer listens to all the tracks with his face in his hands the whole time

‘’ this is all your guys fault!”

“ we know”

“ i have to go see her”

Meanwhile at y/ns home

Three knocks at first.

Then six

The a multitude obsessive amount of knocks at my door.

‘’ spencer. I swear to fuck i will call the authorities”

“ i am the authorities, please open up”

I walk to the door

Why am i walking to the door.

Why am i turning the knob

Why did i let him in.

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds incorrect quotes #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x famous!reader #spencer reid x singer!reader #spencer reid angst

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elytrafemme · 6 months ago

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hi it's nightmare_rivulets. the future of CS

hi all. first of all if you sent me the beautiful CS-related ask i will reply to it as soon as my day slows down, that didn't spark this post i just needed to type this before i got some shit done but i WILL answer that.

but i want to talk about CS and say that i have come to the decision that i am going to upload a final chapter or two which is an outline of what the piece was meant to be, where the plot was going to go. include as many excerpts as i can. so i can lay CS to rest without leaving it entirely unfinished.

this idea makes me miserable, i want to be transparent about that. i promised myself when i started CS at age 16 (a little younger, actually, but i uploaded it when i was 16 i think) that i was going to stick with it. and i had a year where i had very consistent biweekly updates! CS got me through so much in my personal life, and i met some of my best online friends through CS.

but, of course, there was that senior year hiatus that i never really recovered from. because i wrote CS in the aftermath of the first relationship i was ever in, which completely fucking ruined me. CS was written as i was experiencing psychosis, as i was stumbling from one traumatic sexual relationship into what would be another. CS came out of a person who had just been groomed, who was going to be manipulated for the next two years going forward. and i say all of this because i think it makes it excessively clear why i can't return to CS, considering the state of the DSMP creators.

there are other reasons. i am an adult now-- i mean, barely, i am nineteen. but CS was written by a 16 year old about 17 year olds, and that's not where i am anymore. so many of the themes of CS are still relevant to me-- i mean, as mentioned above, but also i am surrounded by people who have complex relationships with substances, for example, or with their families. cs!wilbur was based on my own brother and some of our issues, and that situation has developed over two years putting me in a... strange place. but i'm not in high school. i spent my senior year of high school, where cs!beeduo were dealing with shit and falling in queerplatonic love, trying to survive while my mind split alters and everything around me was falling apart. i don't even know how i survived. a lot of the people who i considered major parts of the CS community from day 1 have fallen out with me in some way. another massive part of the CS community i spent a year or two experiencing delusions about, and i am only now reconciling that what i believed wasn't real. sorry if you were a mutual of mine i ghosted. i'm trying to fix that.

i want CS to be a finished piece of work so badly, God do i want that. it meant EVERYTHING to me at age 16. it was the testament to my lived experience, it was my magnum opus, it was the best thing iwould ever create. but i can't create it anymore. and i despise how something so meaningful to me was totally fucking ruined, but i can only half fault the DSMP creators for that because everyone knew CS was stumbling towards a half complete end anyway.

i don't know when i will actually upload these final chapters. maybe in march, maybe in summer, maybe in between. but i can't continue acting like i will finish up a CS chapter at this rate. every ex-dsmp content creator, except fucking Jack Manifold and Niki so shout out to them (and Tommy and ConnorEatsPants i'll add in edit), makes me nauseous in some kind of way. some of them because they were genuine horrible people! and some, i don't know, the downfalls of parasocialism and the endless disappointment in XYZ areas. some of that will heal. some of that, obviously, will never heal. i can't stick around and wait for it.

i'm sorry for the long post. you all know i am verbose at this point. it makes me so sad that at age 16, ex-grooming victim who was about to go through so much worse, i was able to create something and was convinced i'd see it through. i don't think i am a coward but i do feel sorry for the ways i will never avenge my younger self. but i can't write a fic about cs!beeduo when i knew, back then, that i wanted their to be a sexual trauma plotline, which will never exist because half the fucking streamers were abusers. i can't write about cs!ranboo's psychosis when i was convinced my own mutuals were trying to kill me for about a year. i can't do any of this anymore. and that makes me so angry with myself. but it's just the truth.

i have to go get food with some friends. if people want i can elaborate but that's the bottom line. CS meant everything to me and i'm sorry to say it but, it's going to have a lackluster end. God knows i tried. God knows i fucking tried.

#nightmare.cough-syrup #nightmare_rivulets cough syrup

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escapedaudios · 10 months ago

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Announcement! I know I promised the finale episode of My Greasefire Life would come out on the 21st but I'm going to have to delay it, at minimum one day but most likely one week (to September 28th). My sister is visiting me and I want to spend as much time with them as I can before she goes back to Spain, and I don't want to clamor around juggling my job, my family, and the finale all at once. I'm also considering doing a last minute re-write or extension on the last scene that might push it back a little longer.

I will be premiering it live though! Once it's finished I'll upload it so you'll all get the premiere announcement with the final official date. I'll be in the live chat for the premiere. It's also going to be my birthday weekend when it premieres and I want to celebrate with you guys! Anyway, take care! You're going to love the finale and everything I have in the works.

#escaped audios #my greasefire life

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sjsmith56 · 11 months ago

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Making It Clear

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend reminisces about their relationship while he is on a long mission. She also recalls how one member of the Avengers tried to bring her down.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Body shaming, self esteem issues, bullying behaviour, gaslighting.

Author notes: Set post-FATWS. Captain America 4 and Thunderbolts* have not happened. Instead, the Avengers were restarted with Sam and Bucky as the leaders. This happens a couple of years after that. A certain MCU woman character is the antagonist.

📚 ☕️ 🥙

It had been two weeks since most of the team went on the mission. Two weeks since I last spoke to Bucky. Two weeks since we last made love. We had only been living together for six months, six glorious months where I finally believed that I found a diamond in the rough. I was in love and with everything he said and did, I believed he was falling in love with me.

I'm not an Avenger. I'm nothing special, just an ordinary woman who was doing an ordinary job of working in a used bookstore in New York, one of two jobs I held: the other transcribing doctor's audio notes into a readable file, then uploading it into the healthcare database. I could do it from home, which suited me fine. One morning, as I was working at the bookstore, I became aware of the most beautiful man I've ever seen glancing at me as he looked at some books. Our eyes met and I felt a pull to his blue ones unlike any other connection I've ever had with a man. I smiled; he smiled back, then he smiled again when he brought his small stack over to buy the books he had chosen.

"Nice selection," I said, as I rang them through.

I looked at the hardcover illustrated one about the horse Seabiscuit. I thought it was an unusual choice, although it was a good book. He noticed my attention on it.

"I actually saw Seabiscuit race," he said. I looked at him strangely. "I'm Bucky Barnes. I was a young man then." He placed a gloved hand on the book cover. "It brings back good memories."

"You are really him," I stated. "You're different than you seem on TV. You're smiling, for starters."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the media. Sometimes I feel as if they're waiting for me to screw up so they can point the finger and say I should never have been pardoned." He shrugged and looked around. "A bookstore is one of my safe places."

"$25.67, please. I've never seen you here before."

He offered his bank card and placed it on the terminal. "I only just found it this morning, but I think I'll be here more often."

Producing a cloth bag out of his pocket, he held it open while I slid the books and receipt into it. He nodded his head and turned to go to the door then looked back.

"What's your name?"

"Robyn."

He smiled again, his almost perfect white teeth showing briefly. "It's nice to meet you, Robyn. I'll see you next time."

That was how we met and true to his word, the next time was five days later, when he returned with his cloth shopping bag. I heard the bell on the door ring and got up from where I was rearranging a shelf. He was there at the end of the aisle.

"Hi, you're back," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"I am. I finished the books. The Seabiscuit book was good. Do you have other sports books that might interest me?"

I smiled. "Well, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet." He raised his eyebrows. "Not the bad stuff. The good stuff from before the war. You were a boxer." He nodded. "There's a book called The Sweet Science by A.J. Liebling. It was published in 1949, after you were declared dead, but it's considered one of the best books about boxing around."

I walked behind the front desk and opened the cupboard, pulling out a stack of books. Finding the boxing book, I put it on the counter for him. He smiled that brilliant smile again and picked it up, reading the back cover, then opened it and scanned the first few pages.

"That looks good. What else do you have there?"

"You'll like this one, even though most of the story happens after the war. It's called The Boys of Summer. It's about the Brooklyn Dodgers until the 1955 World Series. There's some criticism that it's too worshipful in tone but for a loyal fan of the Dodgers it's supposed to be an excellent read."

His eyes lit up and he picked it up, reading the back, then the first few pages of the first chapter.

"You're batting 2 for 2 so far, sweetheart," he said, then he looked at me. "Sorry, bad habit. I know women now don't care for those nicknames."

"I don't mind," I smiled back. "It reminds me of my grandpa." He made a face at me, which made me laugh. "I'm not saying you're old enough to be my grandpa because it's true that you are. You're just from a different time, that's all. It doesn't offend me."

The next book was The Natural, by Bernard Malamud. I described it to him, telling him it was made into a pretty decent movie as well. Sticking with baseball, I showed him Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, and described the plot.

"They made a movie out of that called Field of Dreams," I said. "Whenever I'm home and it comes on, I watch it with my dad. Even though there are differences from the book it makes me cry every time." I put the final book in front of him. "This is No Cheering in the Press Box. The editor interviewed 24 sportswriters who were active between World War I and World War II. They basically just talk about the memorable sporting events and athletes they wrote about. Oh, and there was a movie about Seabiscuit based on the book you bought but the book was better, in my opinion."

He sifted through the five books then pushed them all towards me. "Ring them up. I'll take them all."

I scanned the barcode on the back of each book through as he watched me.

"You're not full time here," he noted.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I have another job that's almost full time, but I do it at home. This one gives me spending money. New York's expensive."

"Yeah, it is, but I still like the energy," he answered. "How much do I owe you?"

"$54.35." He put his cloth bag on the counter, and I packed the books while he placed his bank card on the terminal. "I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will. If you want to pick out some books on science and technology for next time I would appreciate it. I'm still trying to catch up on what I missed."

It looked like he was going to ask me something else then he nodded politely and left the store. I went back to rearranging that shelf, then a few moments later heard the bell on the door ring. Just as I started to rise, he was there, offering me a hand up. It was a nice gesture and I thanked him. He stood awkwardly for a moment then took a deep breath.

"If you're not busy sometime I would like to have coffee with you, if you want, and you're not busy yourself. I can imagine two jobs keep you busy but I found it easy to talk to you and I just don't like going through the dating apps and judging people based on a photograph. If you don't, it's okay."

His voice trailed off and he looked so vulnerable for a long moment.

"I would like that, too, except I'm a tea drinker," I said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my schedule. "I'm free at 5 today. We could make it drinks and a light meal, maybe? There's a nice bistro around the corner that makes good coffee, tea, and great paninis."

The smile that erupted out of his face was so sweet and I could feel my stomach do a little flip flop at the sight of it.

"Yeah, that would work. Shall I meet you here and we walk over together?"

"Sure, but let's exchange numbers, just in case something comes up. I imagine that in your line of work you're on call all the time."

Agreeing with that he produced his phone and handed it to me so I could enter my information in his contacts. He texted my number and watched as I saved it to my list. Then with a wave he left the store and I returned to that shelf.

Bucky showed up at 4:55, walking in as I was finishing with a customer. He smiled at both of us, then stood at a shelf, looking at the selection, until I walked the customer out, locked the door, and pulled the blinds down on the windows and door.

"I just have to put the cash into the safe," I said. "The owner will be in tomorrow morning and will do the tally for the bank deposit."

After I printed off the sales record and emptied the cash drawer, I opened the safe and placed all the cash in it. The door was closed, the dial on the safe was spun, and I locked the cabinet. Then I grabbed my purse and jacket, and came out to the front.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and unlocked the door so he could leave ahead of me, locking both locks on it, then I asked for his help to pull the grate down and locked it into place. Like always, I sent a text to the owner that everything was secure for the night.

We arrived at the bistro just a few minutes later and I ordered a London Fog Tea Latte, and a chicken Caesar panini, while Bucky ordered a regular coffee and two roast beef paninis. It was common knowledge that he needed more food due to being a super soldier, so I wasn't surprised. We took a seat outside in the shade of the awning and waited for our food.

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on. Bucky was charming, in an old-fashioned way. He didn't monopolize the conversation, instead he asked me a lot of questions about myself. When I did ask him something he got nostalgic, but not in a complaining way. There were just things that he missed from before and he was sorry they didn't last.

"What about new things?" I asked, as our food was served. "What do you like about the present?"

"Food," he said, immediately, as he took an appreciative bite of his panini and smiled as he chewed before he spoke again. "Some things were better then but things like this, and the variety that's available is good. Healthcare is better. I mean, so many things were bad then, like cancer, tuberculosis, polio, and diseases that needed better antibiotics which didn't exist yet to be cured." He shrugged a little. "I prefer the old music but I'm making my way through the newer stuff and finding out what I like."

"I don't think they do romantic songs well now, not like they used to," I commented. "It's more about sexual attraction instead of the emotions, although there are still a few singers of the old stuff. I remember watching my grandparents dance at weddings when they played the old stuff and it was sweet, you know? It was romantic that they still felt the same way even after so many years." He got a pained look in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was remembering something sad. "What were you like then? I've seen the pictures of you in your uniform and you were, and still are a handsome man. You looked so confident."

"Yeah." His voice softened. "I went out a lot, dancing. I was popular, mostly because I didn't kiss and tell. A woman's reputation was everything and it was easy to destroy if someone said something that really wasn't their business. I'm more introverted now as I don't have much in common with most people. I've had a few relationships, but they fizzled out and I never really figured out why as they said it was them, not me. Hard to believe that when you hear it several times."

"You like books," I replied. "That's a big plus for me. You're polite, attentive, and you have manners. That puts you above a lot of guys in my generation."

"You don't date much?" I shook my head, then took another bite of my panini. "They must be idiots. I think you're interesting and I'd like to see you again."

His words made me feel warm inside and I smiled at him. "I'd like that, too."

After we finished, we walked around, talking some more, then Bucky saw me home, sitting on the train with me. When we got to my apartment door, he hesitated for a moment then he gently brushed his lips against mine and watched as I entered, telling me to wave from the window when I was safely inside.

That was the beginning of our relationship, and it was wonderful as it developed over the first two months. We saw each other whenever we could, even if he sometimes just came and sat in my apartment to read as I worked on my medical transcriptions. He always made sure I had something to eat and drink while I was doing that. Sometimes, he would massage my shoulders when it looked like I was stressing out over some of the more unintelligible voice recordings, as accuracy in the transcription was paramount.

The first time he stayed over was incredible, as it started to rain hard while he was there. I wasn't going to send him out into the rain, so we made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. When the power suddenly stopped, we made out, which led to our first time together, which led to him staying over. He was so giving, wanting to make sure that I was satisfied before he was. I can honestly say he made love better than any man I had ever been with, not that I had a lot of experience in the matter. It didn't matter, I was falling in love with him and by the words he said to me, the feeling was mutual.

My world fell apart a little just over two months after we started dating when the bookstore was broken into overnight, robbed, then set on fire. I wasn't working that day, but my boss phoned me in tears that someone would destroy her livelihood like that. Bucky came with me in the middle of the night to comfort her, as we watched the fire department try to save what they could, which ended up being nothing. Even with the insurance, she couldn't afford to reopen it and I was out of one of my two jobs. Two weeks later, the medical transcription service I worked for was sold to a conglomerate, who promptly terminated the contracts of over half the staff, me included. Because it was a contract position, there was no severance pay. It wouldn't be long until my savings ran out and when it did, I would be homeless.

"Move in with me," offered Bucky. "The suite I have at the tower is huge and I'm sure you can get on with the support staff there. All I have to do is ask Pepper Stark."

"Bucky, I don't want to use you like that." I appreciated it but it seemed wrong to use his friends to get another job and I didn't want to impose on him. "I'll find something. I can manage on my own."

He looked at me with a strange, soft smile on his face.

"The thing is, you don't have to. You're more than qualified to work at the tower and we're together so much already that I feel like we're already living together. Please, let me help the most important person in my life."

My interview with Pepper Stark went well, and I got a job, a good job, in the IT department. She even paid for my things to be moved into Bucky's apartment, although most of the furniture went into storage because his apartment was furnished already. Almost everyone was welcoming to me and I felt comfortable there.

There was one person who seemed friendly at first, but I found when Bucky went on longer missions that she wasn't on, she could be a little cold. Sharon Carter, who was apparently related to Steve Rogers' girlfriend from World War II, was beautiful, smart, and a very capable operative. As a CIA liaison with the Avengers, she was often sent on undercover assignments, with various Avengers, occasionally Bucky, to infiltrate secure places. In front of him and the others she was very complementary to me. But when they were away and we were alone, or with some lesser agents, she would make comments that could be seen as snide or hurtful, although she always worded them in a way that made me wonder if I was just imagining it.

Once, I came back from working out. I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness most of the agents or Avengers were. I just did stuff to keep active and Bucky never said anything to the contrary. On that day, I felt good about what I did, actually pushing myself with the weights. I stopped to get a bottle of water from the communal fridge. I took my sweaty T-shirt off and was in my sports bra and leggings. Sharon sat at the table, reading something on a tablet. As I walked past her, she hummed.

"I don't mean to be critical or anything," she said, in that confident voice she had. "Are you gaining weight?" I looked at her as if I couldn't believe she would say that. "It's just that you seem to have a bit of a muffin top forming. Maybe you shouldn't be eating ice cream for a snack so often. Just a word of advice. Bucky likes his women fit."

That was the first time I ever felt misgivings about my body. Even though I knew I looked good, she planted a seed of doubt in my head that day. Ignoring her, I left for our apartment and stripped down, looking at myself naked in the mirror. I grasped my midsection and tried to see where the muffin top was. I couldn't see it and even though I dismissed the thought, it percolated in my head, and I found myself cutting back on my food during the rest of the week. When Bucky returned, he made a big show of picking me up and holding me tight as he kissed me. There was a mirror wall and I glanced at it, seeing Sharon while he was doing it. She was jealous; it was clearly all over her face that she wanted Bucky. During dinner with everyone, she was polite again. As soon as we finished Bucky and I went to our apartment, locked ourselves in and didn't come out until morning. I wanted to ask him about Sharon, but something stopped me.

"Robyn, are you alright?" Bucky was looking at me as we brushed our teeth. "You seem off."

"I just missed you," I replied. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too," he smiled. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed this."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Then he frowned.

"Have you lost weight?"

"I don't know," I lied. "Maybe I've been grabbing food on the go while I'm working instead of stopping for a meal."

"Don't lose anymore," he said, softly. "I like you with something extra to hold. You've got a beautiful body."

His words soothed me, and I felt better. Our relationship progressed and we said the "love" words to each other often. The time apart while he was on missions was hard, but he bent over backwards to make it up to me on his return. Sharon made little comments when he wasn't around, but I ignored them as best I could. That lasted until he had to go on a long mission again, this mission that he was currently on. Thankfully, Sharon wasn't at the tower as she was on assignment in Los Angeles. But the day before Bucky got back, she walked into the common room, where I was sitting alone, minding my own business. She flopped onto the sofa next to me then looked over.

"You changed your hair."

"Just got it cut."

"It looks alright, I guess. Has Bucky seen it?"

"On FaceTime. He likes it."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe when he gets here, he'll change his mind."

I shouldn't have let what she said bother me, but something flipped inside me at that moment, and I turned to her, glaring in anger.

"What is your problem? Why do you say things like that?"

"Like what? They're just observations. Whether you listen to them or not, isn't my problem." I got up to get away from her, but she just had to have the last word. "You know his relationships don't last. Something always goes wrong. It just depends on when you realize that he's not cut out for something long term."

I kept going until I got into the apartment. Then I cried, feeling stupid that I let her words hurt me. All the old insecurities from her first hurtful comments came up and even though I knew I should just let it slide off me, something must have hit the mark because I couldn't let it go. That night I slept terribly, unable to put her words out of my head. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit but was awakened by the sensation of someone getting into bed with me. With a start I sat up, only to see Bucky smiling sheepishly at me.

"You're back early!"

"We left early, and I flew at top speed to get back sooner," he said, reaching out to caress my face. "Was hoping to be with you before you left for work."

I clutched at him, kissing him frantically, until he laughingly pulled me off of him. Then he looked closer at me and saw how tired I still appeared. Immediately his whole mood changed into something more serious and concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

I looked down and shook my head. He waited to hear more.

"Sharon got into my head, and I couldn't shake it off."

"She what?" His voice hardened. "What did she say to you?"

"It was nothing."

"Robyn, it wasn't nothing if it bothered you. If you don't tell me then I have to ask Friday for a playback."

I explained how her comment on my haircut triggered me into confronting her and she gaslighted me into making it my fault I was offended. His face went steely. Then, haltingly, I told him what she said about him and relationships; that he wasn't cut out for something long term.

"How long?" I looked at him blankly. "How long as she been messing with your head?"

I told him about the snide comments about my appearance, and lack of fitness. It all came pouring out of me in a torrent. By the last words I was crying and he held me, pulling me onto his lap while he kissed me and told me over and over how much I meant to him. When my crying finally slowed down to shaky breaths and occasional sniffles, he placed his hand under my chin and raised my face to view his.

"Understand this and believe it," he murmured. "I love you. Living with you has made me feel like a new man and I wake up every morning smiling because I know that you're here with me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. That's not a proposal but it is a promise that someday, sooner rather than later, I'll ask you properly to marry me." He kissed me sweetly on the lips then he took another audible breath. "Sharon Carter is another matter. I turned her down once because I honestly don't like her. She's a good operative and I've had her back while she's had mine. But she's got a mean streak in her that comes out without warning, and she doesn't care who it hurts. My last girlfriend before you, said something about Sharon and then left, not wanting to elaborate. I didn't put it together then I met you and put it out of my mind." He looked up at the ceiling. "Friday, can you compile recordings of any interaction between Sharon and my previous girlfriends and with Robyn. Specifically, any that involve criticism of the relationship between them and me? Include any comments that were critical of the girlfriends."

I looked at him in a new light. "You think it was her who sabotaged your relationships?" He nodded. "She planted the seeds of doubt and watered them every chance she got." I rubbed my face. "She wants you for herself."

"It's never going to happen." His tone was firm, then softened as he gazed at me. "I have what I want right here, right now."

I unbuckled his tac suit jacket, slipping it off his shoulders then tugged his singlet off between tender kisses and caresses from both of us. He took off the rest and showed me how much I meant to him in the best way possible. All my fears about us were dealt with and we slept afterwards wrapped together for several hours. When I woke up to get ready for my job, he let me shower alone. When I came out, he went in for a quick shower then dressed.

"Let's go for breakfast," he said. "I have a video to show everyone."

Together we came out to the common kitchen and dining area where everyone was making or eating breakfast. Sharon was sitting at the table with a pastry and coffee, pretending not to notice us but Bucky made sure he had his arm around me and kissed my head often. He made me a tea and gestured for me to sit at the table while he brought our food. It was close to Sharon, but I ignored her. Bucky brought our food then went back and poured himself a coffee, sitting next to me.

"I do like your hair like this," he said, running his eyes over it. "It looks even better than it did on FaceTime. What do you think, Sharon?"

"It's fine," she answered, as if she were bored.

"I guess fine is better than alright," he said, looking straight at her. "That was the actual term you used, wasn't it?"

"I dunno."

"You know, maybe it's because I was out of practice or maybe it's because I thought we were colleagues, but I never once thought that you would stoop so low as to try to sabotage my relationships."

She made it seem like he was boring her then looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me refresh your memory then. Friday, playback video compilation from this morning."

The large wall screen came to life and a series of videos began of Sharon with Bucky's earlier girlfriends. Everyone stopped talking and watched in confusion, with open mouths, as they heard her say some nasty things to the other women. There were many comments about their hair, weight, lack of style, lack of fitness, but mostly how Bucky wasn't capable of being in a long-term relationship with anyone because of his PTSD, or because he was more interested in playing the field. To her credit, she sat there and took it, although her face hardened throughout the playback. When the video got to what she said to me, I could feel the mood in the room turn completely against her. Sam Wilson, who hadn't said anything until then, finally stood up and looked at her with daggers.

"I think you should put in for an immediate transfer to another agency," he said. "By what I've seen and heard just now I don't think anyone wants to partner with you on any missions. Whatever trust we may have built up with you during and since the Flag Smashers is gone, by your own actions."

She breathed out angrily and stood up, looking briefly at all of them, then finally on Bucky and me. With a shake of her head, she left the table and the room. Sam advised Friday to lock her out of any systems that required clearance. As far as he was concerned, she had no clearance with the Avengers anymore. Then he looked at me and Bucky.

"All of us can see what you mean to each other. You make Bucky happy and that means a lot to all of us. I'm sorry we didn't know about her behaviour sooner. It was unacceptable."

He left to file a formal complaint about Sharon and why he fired her summarily. Others came to offer hugs to me and even Bucky, who took them. We sat back down to finish our breakfast. I couldn't help it, but the tears began again. He put his knife and fork down, then turned towards me, cupping my face in his hands. Gently, he wiped the tears from my cheek then kissed me on the lips. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me so lovingly that I stopped crying and nodded that I was okay. It was the truth. I was great. In front of me was someone I loved very much, and he loved me just as fiercely. Whatever the future brought we would face it together.

One Shots Masterlist

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #buckybarnes original female character #bucky barnes oneshot #bodyshamers #gaslighting #bullying

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