#Personal Diary with Lock

[akshayaquapri]

2025 Diary

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[beguilingcorpse]

at this point i will take whatever locked tomb content tazmuir wants to give whenever she wants to give it to us. she could be like “sorry guys no alecto news this year :/ it’s looking like a five year projection before release :/ but here’s a chapter written from marta dyas’s perspective at canaan house. here’s a limerick about what would have happened if harrow had never opened the locked tomb. here’s valancy trinit’s personal diary” and i would be absolutely and perfectly content

[the-geeky-fangirl]

yes i know heartstopper is "cringe" and yes I know you think it's not that deep but you've endured years of cringe oversexualized shows about high schoolers where the gays are delegated to sub plots I'm sure a few hours of queer people being safe and happy and loved won't kill you so please shut the fuck up

[maddening-music]

posting some older spierces bc i'm thinking about Her

[sotogalmo]

12:44

Bad traits of your OCs? <- planning to use said info to Moonscorch them in the funger Alnst au (please. i can GUESS for some. but im doing like. ~39 CHARACTERS. Too much for one (1) person; me)

Bad traits, don't just limit to that! It could be about their traumas, how they view themselves (in a bad light), etc etc. / example; Flor is a bad mom and in hindsight a bad friend, she repeats and she forgets. She laughs it all away, and lies to others and herself. And her coping mechanisms! Eating and such, while eating isn't bad in of itself- eating too-too much is. ~and all of that!

[diaryofanagingirl]

avoiding my friends bc i’m pretty sure they hate me..

also debating deleting tiktok again but i can’t part from my edits or my fave lesbian creators.

want to delete twitter but then how do i connect to the world???

want to be in love but i’m ashamed of everything i do and am

want to make friends but i am shame personified

also think that tiktok’s makes me more ashamed of everything because of how everything ended up being a discourse.. like talking to people randomly? bad, confronting friends? everything’s embarrassing to them and now i’m feeling it too?

[ggreeeenheart]

adhd is constantly having to exaggerate the impact of small hiccups in your life to explain why you didn't do or accomplish X or Y task. (or why you didn't do them Soon Enough)

because despite it being the massive rockslide of dysfunction hitting you hard and sporadically. like. nobody ever Actually accepts that

[broke-on-books]

ive only been here since like 2018 but i feel like ive already made all my posts on this site. now i just reblog

[my-own-personal-hell]

Crashout over time to lock in and get my shit together

This is your sign to end the crashout and just lock in <3

[tekka-dan]

I got high for the first time in my life on March 8th, 2025.

I went out with my little brother for this week long event that happens in our city every year called SXSW. My brother and I are basically the same person in different bodies. We even subconsciously wore the exact same outfit and we haven’t seen or hung out with one another for weeks. Lately, I’ve been matching clothes with my friends and I don’t even talk to them about our outfits beforehand (it’s really cool).

Anyway, we spent the entire night just walking around downtime. His friends met up with us and while we were walking around, we came across a THC / Weed shop. My brother wanted to check it out and his friends followed suit. My life forever changed after that moment.

I ended up drinking two cups of THC margarita. Apparently it didn’t have alcohol in it at all.

I didn’t feel the effects of anything until 2 hours later.

While sitting in a rooftop bar, I suddenly felt like I could hear EVERYTHING miles away and I could not only feel but HEAR my own heartbeat. I became extremely aware of everything happening around me and I went into this hyper focused mindset.

Here’s what I can remember about being high:

- I have a deep ingrained sense of awareness and stability within myself because while I didn’t feel like I was in control of anything, not even myself, I knew everything I was doing and I was very aware of everything happening—it just literally felt like I was watching someone else and not the one doing anything.

- My body was trying to have a panic attack but my brain was not letting it. I sat there feeling like I was losing control while being in full control. The best way I can describe this situation is that I remember feeling like I was looking at myself talk while I was talking. It felt like I was trapped behind a glass wall and then there was a “me” that was siting on the other side of the glass and the me behind the glass was freaking out, really nervous and even losing control but the me on the other side of the glass had their back to that version of me and just stayed still, only saying “I got this. We’re fine.” It literally felt like I was incapable of losing control.

- I was able to read while barely glancing at whatever I was reading. I was processing things so quickly that I was unaware that I was talking really fast (which I do sometimes but it’s a nervous tick and I stutter).

- I zoned out literally as soon as I left that bar. I somehow knew where I parked and where to go but mentally I was literally not in my body anymore, I was just moving. This was proven by the fact my brother’s friends were speaking to me and having full blown conversations and I was responding and I didn’t even know what they were saying, but I was holding conversations.

- I kept having to repeat to myself that I WAS awake. Somewhere between the effects kicking in, I started having a scary realization that everything felt like a dream. The atmosphere, the music, the events—all of it. It felt like I was unable to tell the difference between reality and a dream. It started to make me scared out of my mind because I am very aware that what happens in my dreams the consequences do not matter. However, with that sense of stability fading while high, I literally had to force myself to stay present because I was starting to think I was dreaming.

- I’m way more intelligent while high apparently. I struggle with math, I’ve never been good at it. However while high, I was able to calculate my bill and tip without needing a calculator.

- my vision was heightened. I was able to read small fine print in the details section of our menu without my glasses on and without needing to squint. My brother and his friends said they couldn’t see those words even with the menu beneath their noses. I still can’t understand how this was possible for me — even the waiter was taken aback when they showed him that.

All in all — it wasn’t the best experience for me and I don’t think I ever want to do it again, lol. The reason I’ve never gotten high before is because I worked as a veterinary tech and we were drug tested randomly. I started that career when I was only 16 and I just never wanted to get caught up over something dumb like being busted for drugs, so I just stayed clean.

I asked my brother (27) how he felt getting his big sister (28) high for the first time in her life. He said it was truly an honor for him to be able to be there with me for that experience. He said the only thing he wish he’d done different was not getting another drink because he got a little more drunk than he should’ve but he did have to be the one to drive us home because I couldn’t make sense of going right instead of left while driving (I couldn’t trust my perception or processing of things once I got behind the wheel).

Anyway, I wanted to share my experience here because it was surreal.

TL:DR; I got high as a kite for the first time in my 28 years of life with my little brother while out on the town with his ragtag group of friends. It was fun but I wouldn’t do it again, lol.

[azeeyfinance]

Making money through blogging involves a combination of creating high-quality content, growing an audience, and monetizing your blog effectively.

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Lifestyle

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Food

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There are several ways to make money from your blog:

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Join affiliate programs where you promote other people's products and earn a commission for each sale made through your referral link.

Some popular affiliate programs include Amazon Associates, ShareASale, and CJ Affiliate.

Write reviews, how-to guides, or round-up lists with affiliate links.

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Build a strong enough readership, and brands will reach out to you directly, or you can pitch to them.

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Digital Products: Create and sell eBooks, printables, courses, or guides.

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Services: Offer services such as consulting, coaching, or freelance writing if you have expertise in your niche.

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Offer premium content to your audience for a monthly or yearly fee. You can create a membership area on your blog where subscribers get access to exclusive resources.

Examples include Patreon or building a private community for paid members.

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If you have good writing skills, offer freelance blogging services to other businesses. Many companies hire freelance bloggers to write for their websites, and you can earn by working with them.

g) Create a Course or Webinar

If you have expertise in your niche, create a course or webinar and sell it on platforms like Teachable, Udemy, or directly on your blog.

4. Grow Your Traffic

Collaborate with Others: Guest post on other blogs, collaborate with influencers in your niche, or participate in blogger round-ups.

Use Pinterest: For niches like lifestyle, food, fashion, and travel, Pinterest is a powerful tool to drive traffic. Design eye-catching pins that link to your blog.

Paid Advertising: Once you’ve optimized your content and built some organic traffic, consider investing in paid ads (Google Ads, Facebook Ads) to boost traffic further.

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Clear Call-to-Action: Whether it's signing up for an email list, buying a product, or clicking an affiliate link, make sure your blog has clear CTAs (calls to action) to guide your audience toward the next step.

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Use analytics tools (like Google Analytics) to track your traffic, identify top-performing content, and make data-driven decisions.

As your blog grows, consider outsourcing tasks (e.g., content writing, social media management) to focus on scaling your income.

Summary of Monetization Methods:

Affiliate Marketing

Display Ads (e.g., Google AdSense)

Sponsored Posts

Selling Products/Services (Digital or Physical)

Membership or Subscription

Freelance Blogging

Creating and Selling Courses/Webinars

By combining these methods, consistently producing valuable content, and growing your audience, you can turn blogging into a profitable venture.

[blackvahana]

Favourite part of blurring the bond with Black is when my insides feel like they're full of. the worms.

[chainmail-butch]

I wanted to talk about being transfeminine and sexual attraction.

I'm pretty much exclusively Butch4Butch, and I don't want to be. Don't get me wrong, butches are handsome and calming and wonderful, and the love of a butch woman is a special thing that I deeply desire. I am Butch4Butch. But, I actually spent most of my life painfully attracted to femme lesbians.

From a very young age I was aware of the idea that men would pursue lesbians who absolutely did not want them, and I always wanted to be respectful of women. So, it was a bit of a problem when I found myself exclusively attracted to queer women.

When I was twelve I realized that I was attracted to transwomen above all, and I suppressed that part of myself because I didn't want to be another drooling man who fetishized transwomen. I used the idea of respect to deny a part of myself.

When I got older and met a few other lesbians (incredibly rare in the rural south) I thought they were the most beautiful, interesting, and attractive women that I had ever met. There was something about them that drew me. I wanted to be closer to them in any way that I could. But I didn't want to be another man fetishizing lesbians. So, whenever I found myself attracted to a beautiful feminine lesbian, I suppressed the desire. Brutally. Once again using respect as my tool.

I was terrified that someone would learn of my transgression. And then everyone would know that I was, 'one of those.' Someone to be avoided. Queer women wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore, and they were the only people that I could be myself around. So, I didn't really date at all. I spent 24 years keeping my sexuality on an incredibly tight leash.

This idea of repression through respect hasn't gone away. The idea that Femmes are Not For Me is deeply ingrained into my mind. It doesn't feel safe (in my own mind) for me to express sexual desire for Femmes. There's always a moment of fear and hesitation, which typically leads to words unsaid.

I know that's not the case in reality. But the twinge inside me whenever I feel that attraction hasn't gone away.

[thebisexualmandalorian]

I want to be a man and a dog at the same time. Let me keep my teeth as long as I promise to be gentle with them

[rakuya-nikki]

Blue Lock - Entry #4

Just finished catching up to the "Blue Lock" anime.

It's a sports anime that puts more focus on the "independence" and "egoist" ideals compared to your usual shounen "friendship is power" themes. They even directly mention how Japan's collectivist philosophies are what hinder them in some sports where independent strength is vital.

These are interesting ideals, and honestly I really respect them. As someone who's struggling with confidence himself, seeing people so unabashedly embrace their ego is something I can take heart in.

The characters themselves are fairly good. A lot of duds, and some of the characters who get a "backstory" remain extremely surface level. But there's certainly characters I really like, such as Bachira, or Nagi, or even Isagi himself. I've always felt that characters were a major driving force for any show, so having several that I really like is great.

Overall, the narrative is very fast-paced. At least, when I compare it to something like Haikyuu, which, let's be real, of course I'm gonna do. The rate of growth for any of the characters, and especially for Isagi, feels almost breakneck. It makes for consistent pacing, but it also means I feel like I'm not watching a soccer anime, but rather, an ideals anime.

Ideals are cool, sure, but it's a shame because of how much relative emphasis Haikyuu put on the process of the sport itself. I dunno how the manga goes, but for the anime, I'd say like 80% of the shots during a match are either close-ups of people's faces (usually with crazy, whacky eyes and effects), or are extremely simple movements. Any camera angles that show the whole stage use extremely limited movement with very noticeable CGI. Basically, we're rarely ever seeing actions, but rather, seeing images and having people narrate to you what's happening.

I recognize that happens a good amount in Haikyuu too, but the difference is that show gives time to the matches and the overall process to let you really digest in everything. It feels much more tangible. In Blue Lock, a single match usually takes place in one or two episodes, and the character or characters experience major growth in those few episodes. So that, paired with the lack of animation presence for the sport's motions, is why I feel this is less a "soccer show" and more an "ideals show", like I said before.

Like, there's a lot of speeches and narration in this show. As someone who's using it to study Japanese, that's actually a good thing in a sense, but it certainly puts less interest on the sport itself.

For some people, that focus on the ideals of "ego", and it just being a sports anime in general, will be enough to get them hooked. I mean, hell, I binged the whole show in a few days for that reason. But I can't see this having even a fraction of the impact that Haikyuu had on me.

What I'll end up taking away from this show is to be more confident in my ego, y'know being allowed to be selfish sometimes. I think it's an important quality that people can often overlook due to being afraid of "being that guy" or whatever. I certainly know it's a major problem for me, so trying to be more wary of that is a good thing, I think.

But given the lack of true depth the show really portrays, in many facets, it means that message doesn't resonate with me as well as a similar ideal could have in a show that gripped me more. It was a nice watch though. It was kinda... no, very edgy and over-the-top at some points, but overall it was the "delightful" kind, I think. If there's a new season, I'd watch it, but I'm not incentivized to read the manga.

I think I mined a little over 50 sentence cards watching it, so that already makes it a worthwhile experience, and I get to add Bachira to my list of "characters that I'd want as my friend", so that's always fun.

Mostly, though, it just makes me wanna watch Haikyuu again. Which... I might do soon, honestly LOL

[fandomfien]

Friday, June 13th, 2025

Dear readers, today was not a successful day. Most of it was spent watching blue lock (and absolutely fan-girling over Bachira... shhh) and bed-rotting. I had a bowl of cereal with milk... cereal first, then milk... and promptly went back to rotting in my bed.

Well, today wasn't all that unsuccessful, I had my first shower in 5 days (I'm depressed, okay?) and talked to my friend about ways to raise dopamine levels. So today wasn't a total fail. I'm going to be going to target around 7pm to grab thumb-tacks for my posters and a swimsuit for my trip to Europe; which is now 3 days away.

If anybody has any good tips on how to find good blue lock related fandom stuff, HIT ME UP!!! My asks are open!

Anyways, this was my blog for the day! Beth signing off!