#Personal ventpost
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Take a breath. Now move.
Why can't I? Something's wrong.
No it isn't. Get over it. Stop being lazy.
I want to. I want to move. I can't move.
Get up. You're late.
I want to. I can't. I've been telling you this.
You're just lazy. Stop being such a drama kid.
I'm an adult. Why don't you treat me like an adult?
Adults can get out of bed. Prove it. Prove you're an adult.
You know how old I am. I'm trying to move but I can't. Why do I need to justify my disabilities to you? Why can't you believe me?
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LET ME BE ALLOWED TO GROW!!! LET ME BE ALLOWED TO CHANGE!!! LET ME HEAL!!! LET ME BECOME SOMETHING GREATER!!! STOP MAKING ME SUFFER!!! STOP TURNING ME INTO NOTHING!!!
#decaying words#vent#ventcore#personal vent#ventpost#vent post#disabled vent#chronic pain vent#chronic illness vent#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmineblr#landmine type#landmine boy#landmine blogging#jirai boy#bedrotting#bedrot
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honestly im so lucky to have the darling crowd here for a variety of reasons, but especially bc ppl here think I'm funny bc literally NOBODY laughs at my jokes irl :,)
#as the former fat funny friend in hs it is a devastating personal growth....laughter fuels me#my family and friends just go 🤨🤨 and then ignore me RIP#anyways no more ventposting today!! i have asks to answer <3#ellie talks#vent post
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Tw: sh
Kinda wish my bf was here so he cld take care of my cuts for me:(
#Atleast it’s not that big I thought it wld look worse#It’s noticeable but small enough for me to lie abt it and say I scratched myself with a tree branch or smth😼#sh vent#sh things#ventpost#vent#vent post#depressing shit#personal vent
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Honestly
I don't feel like a "Real Schizoaffective™"
My meds mostly make my symptoms go away
Sure I'm really paranoid and jumpy
And I see faces in the dark
But that's not severe enough for me to feel actually deserving of the title "Schizoaffective"
Because anyone who has a Schizospec disorder has known struggle and is still pushing through
And I feel like I'm barely doing enough to earn that title
Like sure I used to be paranoid 24/7, I used to think my food was poisoned or it was gonna turn me into a zombie (I still do)
Sure I used to hear a voice calling my name
But I don't feel like my symptoms are severe enough to make me schizospec
I know if someone else felt like this I wouldn't see it the same way
But for some reason I'm different
Idk what I'm gonna gain from posting this either. Sympathy I don't deserve? Whatever
#vent post#personal vent#vent#actually schizospec#schizoaffective#actually schizophrenic#schizospec#schizophrenia#ventpost#venting#self h@te#what am i even doing
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Coming to realize that going to restaurants with my non-sibling family just kinda fuckin sucks
#personalposting#ventposting#dad especially is such a bitch to restaurant staff all the fucking time#but like they were *all* judgy as hell#we got out of there and my mom and my aunt were like “Wow our waiter sucked what was his deal he had some issues”#and like he was *literally* fine#he was a little quiet. a little reserved.#took a little while to take our order cuz he was literally the only fucking person working the extremely crowded bar for a while#I'm so fucking sorry y'all were so inconvenienced by this stranger's overwhelm that you simply had to be snide and condescending to him#that must have been so frustrating for you
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i dont need to talk to my ex i can get all my toxic needs met by annabel lee and lenore every time i take a shit
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Okay so how popular does something have to be for it to be morally okay to have an introject from it because technically I just introjected someone's OC
But they're decently popular and the artist even said they don't like the OC much
.....
It's Fa'link from Bloodbath Bakery
He is talking in my head when I get stressed and I don't know what to do because this feels morally wrong
I'm typing this fast because I'm stressed sorry for any typos
#did#did community#did osdd#osdd system#actually osdd#osdd#osdd alter#dissociative identity disorder#actually dissociative#ventpost#vent post#vent#personal vent#venting#actually plural#pluralgang#plural system#plural#plurality#plural community#plural gang
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I feel like the stupidest things set me off or trigger me and I hate it, I feel like I'm not anything to people just bc of little actions and it makes me wanna drop off the face of the earth. I feel so stupid. I constantly feel like I just force things. I'm just tired.
#ventpost#vent#personal#personal vent#地雷#地雷女#地雷女子#地雷系女子#地雷系#jirai#jirai girl#jirai onna#jiraiblr#jirai kei#landmine type#landmine kei#jiraiblogging#jirai joshi#landmineblogging#landmineblr#landmine girl#pienblr#pien kei#ぴえん系#ぴえん#pien
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#decaying words#im not good enough#your best isnt good enough#im not enough#im a failure#im a terrible person#im not a good person#jirai danshi#ventcore#personal vent#venting#vent post#ventpost#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmineblr#landmine type#landmine boy#landmine blogging#jirai boy
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hate looking in the mirror now i hate my quickly receding hairline i hate being so exhausted and sore from work i hate being called sir/he/him/whatever i hate being so busy i hate being so tired i hate being single and alone in waking life i hate how much of a failure i feel creatively i hate feeling trapped in the closet i hate the state of the world im just so tired and begging there to be some light at the end of this tunnel that's been going for what feels like an eternity
#delete later#personal#using bocchi pics to ventpost again i guess#posts that should just be in my diary but i want them out in the world for some reason#crashing out two days into the work week this is fine
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Just had a bad meltdown because my mom forgot that I had therapy today so now I'm late and we're not gonna get there in time and my dad wants me to do tele-health but I don't wanna because it's too stressful and they constantly ask for me to show my face and I just can't take this anymore I wanna die.
#|•Bovid Vents•|🔪🥩#not a vent blog#ventpost#vent#personal vent#vent post#venting#tw vent#tw sui ideation
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the end of exams has been the biggest goal for me to get to for a couple of months but now it's here i'm realising everything is still awful even if i don't have to study for hours on end
#this is the inevitable post-exam exhaustion situation tbh#i told myself i'd sort it all out once they were over but i still can't respond to my parents. ventposting because my dad just tried to cal#btw#cant pick up#i'm so tired#just seeing his name on my phone screen makes me so scared and sad like i was all christmas but if i tell him that who knows what he'll do#probably shout at me#or tell me it's painful for him to hear and make me feel so guilty#or ignore me for a week then i'll worry he's dead#im so so scared that he thinks i don't want to talk to him or don't care and that's why i'm not responding#idk what he'll do if he gets too deep in that belief#and i want to respond and act all happy so he knows it's not true#but i can't#and my mum . :/#she's always been my mother who i love above anything else but now she's just a reminder of everything and i can't stand it#need to get away from them pls i wish i could tell them to leave me alone without the inevitable paranoia my dad will kill himself#and my mum will neglect herself#as she's admitted to doing because i didn't talk to her for 2 days#as i know my dad does too just because he doesn't care#and now i'm the worst person in the world because i can't reply and be all cheerful despite knowing these things#can't even chat to my housemates smh i fucked that up too#i'm too autistic to hold a conversation no matter how badly i want to#glad i'm not going out tonight wow#it would have gone SO badly#tw vent#i guess#got to stop this jfc
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I just lost a friend because she doesn't for the life of her understand that how I manage my paraphilias is okay, I have told her that my therapist has said how I manage them is good too and she just blocked me, honestly, she was anti endo anyway so fuck her and good riddance
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please can this shit just end

#ventpost#vent#personal#personal vent#地雷#地雷女#地雷女子#地雷系女子#地雷系#jirai#jirai girl#jirai onna#jiraiblr#jirai kei#landmine type#landmine kei#jiraiblogging#jirai joshi#landmineblogging#landmineblr#landmine girl#guess i'll go die#I already feel annoying enough#pienblr#pien kei#ぴえん系#ぴえん#pien
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I'm not even human anymore, I don't know how to be.


#decaying words#ventcore#personal vent#depersonalization#dissociative vent#dissociative#jirai danshi#ventpost#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#landmineblr#landmine type#landmine boy#landmine blogging#jirai boy
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