#Practically human in every way [barney]

[help-me-im-in-the-fandom]

I was messing around, and Inspired by the amazing fic So. This is our life now by YinnanYan, I made the Camp Fam as Raptors

Basically, the kids are kidnapped and through Wu’s madness are turned into Velociraptors, in this they were Wu’s attempt to copy Lockwood’s daughters work, a virus that changes the genetic code cell by cell.

However, human genetics are much harder to change only a fraction, only a tiny part that causes the defect, than to simply override the existing genetic makeup into his liking, (just like the embryo inside Emu and Ostrich eggs are changed to create a dinosaur).

His belief is that the mind of a human can be put into a raptor in this way, fully aware and capable of taking orders, however the kids manage to catch on, after the first to ‘hatch’ gets very violent and upset, and refuses to listen to any words.

He makes the mistake of saying that ‘it seems the mind cannot comprehend the change in form, perhaps even re writing every cell has had an affect as well, at least this way we don’t have to worry about the previous memories affecting their loyalty.’

This does end up making Wu decide to rename them, and I can’t decide what their ‘raptor’ names should be, any suggestions are welcome.

Also, below the line are a breakdown of the kids changes!

Brooklynn is made with genetic code from Echo, she’s the smallest of the pack and due to having a short snout, also the one with the hardest time in long distance runs. However she’s an amazing ambusher as she can hide much easier due to her size.

Name ideas:

Glory

Goldie

Cleo

Ben was made using genetics from Delta, he was very small at first, but as an adult he’s the largest of their pack. He’s an excellent tracker and ‘tank’ against the larger foes. But he hates conflict unless to protect the others, he stays more towards the back of pack while moving, defending the rear.

Name ideas:

Hunter

Scout

Camo

Tiny

Nugget

Sammy and Kenji are mostly Isla Sorna Velociraptor, however Wu added in some Atrociraptor to see if it would mellow out some of the more violent tendencies.

Sammy is affected by this in her size and bone structure, she’s almost as large as Ben, but all of it is muscle. She’s arguably the most combative of them, having become extremely possessive of the pack. She mostly helps pin down prey, her large form more sturdy in case she’s flung off.

Name ideas

Blair (means Battlefield)

Omen

Witch

Kenji is the second smallest, just barely a bit larger than Brooklynn, he’s an endurance runner, and alongside Yaz, will exhaust large prey so that the other members of the pack can fight much easier.

Name ideas

Prince

Ocean

Riptide

Chad

Kirk

Yaz and Darius are made with Blue’s genetics, and while Darius is arguably the most ‘gentle’ of the group towards humans, she’s perhaps the most viscous, with a known tendency to snap at anyone who dares get close enough.

Yaz is mostly legs, an endurance runner and the fastest without question, she mainly sticks to Sammy’s side when not hunting. The pair of them are a lethal team, Yaz quickness and Sammy’s brutality makes them a perfect match.

Name ideas

Mystic

Amethyst 

Barney

Choco chip

Darius is a good tracker, but an even better fighter, he takes the lead for most fights, and has a tendancy to spot weaknesses very quickly. Outwardly he appears the most ‘tame’ with humans, he watches them but as long as they keep their distance he’s practically cordial. What they don’t know is his seething rage, and his schemes to make sure his pack escapes.

Name Ideas

Ace

Nova

Titus

Pongo

Feel free to suggest any other names!!!

[skaruresonic]

"Lanolin is interesting because even the sonic series needs moments of negativity every now and then"

Somehow I don't consider the equivalent of an overly bossy store manager to be more emotionally moving than when an entire tribe got wiped out by their god

Lanolin doesn't add anything new. She's just annoying.

You know the character is unpleasant when you love kuuderes and assholes and even you don't want to be an apologist for them lol.

Apologies for the Half-Life talk - how people claim Lanolin is disrespected on the basis of gender reminds me of how Judith Mossman is actually sidelined and disrespected on the basis of her gender. Not only within fandom, but within certain parts of canon too.

Mossman is another strait-laced, uppity mom friend character. She, like Lanolin, has few quirks to speak of. The only thing we know about her background is that she lost a job to Gordon Freeman and likely resents him for it even 20 years later.

Few HL players actually like Mossman and care to examine their reasons for why. It's pretty much a reflex for most players to dislike her, often upon the very moment of meeting her for the first time.

While some of this dislike can be chalked up to Mossman deliberately emitting two-faced vibes, it can't all be attributed to just that. Otherwise you'd have people glibly writing "let's pop a cap in Breen's ass" fics as well. Her gender does factor in.

Mossman frequently rubs people the wrong way. If you pressed them on why, they'd probably say it's because she's duplicitous and hides her real emotions behind a fake smile (much like Lanolin's "plastic smile"), but here's where the double standards emerge. While Mossman occupies roughly the same roles as Barney Calhoun and Dr. Breen, neither Breen nor Barney are nearly as maligned as Judith. Which begs questions of why.

Dr. Breen is so two-faced that it's laughable, and he doesn't receive half as much disregard as she does. Probably the difference is that Breen is eloquent and someone you love to hate while you listen to him bluster on about nothing, so we give him a pass.

Honestly, I suspect that the likeliest explanation is that Mossman reminds people of an evil stepmother archetype. Some authority figure who spoils your fun through strict adherence to rules. That one teacher in childhood that used to piss you off by being so uptight. They're not really looking at her so much as whatever mental proxy she stands for.

It doesn't help that she's the "no fun allowed" guy, literally telling Alyx "the zero-point energy field manipulator is not a toy." And since we're inclined to befriend Alyx, we're inclined to dislike whoever she dislikes.

However, there's more to Mossman than simply being an austere traitor who sugarcoats her words. She shows glimpses of vulnerability, of reconciliation with Alyx, and once she stands up to Breen, she's on our side for good.

There's a lot of potential for depth and complexity with her character and her motivations, which makes it unfortunate that fandom seems more interested in writing 10K-word angsty Barney Calhoun character studies instead. Especially since Barney was created just to be some rando.

Coupled with the way Marc Laidlaw practically forced Alyx to stuff her in the fridge in Epistle 3, these are all reasons why I am the biggest Mossman apologist ever. Normally I would be in the camp that's not too hot on her, but her treatment makes me protective in a way that's simply not present in my feelings on Lanolin.

You mean to tell me we're given the choice to mercy-kill Breen, motherfucking Breen, but Alyx lugs a tortured Mossman around, blames her for Eli's death, and unceremoniously pops one between her eyes once she's outlived her usefulness? Nah, Marc, you're too drunk to drive. Give me your keys.

...Anyway. My point is that you can have negative Nancies, but they need to not be so goddamn dour all the time. Unlike Lanolin, you can see bits and pieces of Judith's humanity peek through the hardened crust of insensitive character writing. That alone makes it worth suffering through the fridging and undercooked portrayals.

Lanolin, on the other hand, doesn't really give us any glimpses, if at all, of a personality to offset her unpleasant demeanor. Assholes aren't assholes 24/7, but it's like every time you see her on the page, she's sneering for no real reason.

[berylcluster]

➫ CLINT knew it was coming, there was a lot about Barney that he was still unclear about. A lot of questions swirling in his mind, practically every time he looked at the guy, watched his movements; a new one would pop up every time he was awoken by screaming. It was the same question he had been asking himself since that first arrow had struck him. Where had Barney gone and how far did he go. That version of the question was more poetic than how his mouth chose to blurt it out, one hot afternoon. He had wondered why Barney chose to work on that rusting piece of crap on the hottest day of all days, punishment maybe? The screaming was especially bad last night, and the guilt, the questions, they weighed on Clint harder than they had ever before.

The blonde had sauntered into the barn after him, trying to sneak but he knows that’s not a good idea. The various attempts to comfort his big brother had resulted in various knives and scissors being wielded or thrown. Clint rubs the front of his neck at the thought and swallows before he heads in. He pretended not to notice how the guy tensed when he asked, the question had been looming between them for awhile, like a stranger. They both knew it, it was obvious in the way they could barely hold up a conversation about anything that wasn’t mundane. Clint wanted a better relationship, to get over this guilt they both held.

“Man, don’t do that… I’m stupid, yeah, and I may be deaf, sure. And TVs usually don’t bother me, but I know what human screaming is. That wasn’t a fucking TV.” He shakes his head, hands on his hips and he thinks of Natasha, her scolding him when he was being too stubborn to talk about stuff that was real. The archer had to be smart about this, tactical, easing around the subject like the wild animal he was. At least for now, deadly and dangerous, not that Clint had anything to fear from his brother anymore. If that meant getting stabbed, he still wouldn’t feel any bitterness or fear for him. Barney was the only real family he had besides Nat. He treasured relationships like that more times than he could count.

There’s a sigh that leaves him, remorseful in its tone. “I’m sorry.. I just want to help. And not on that rust bucket, she’s seen better days that are long behind her. Besides, the goats and sheep love the tall grass. Lucky, too.” Speaking of, she hadn’t left his side since he arrived, though she didn’t typically sleep with the older Barton, she certainly tried tailing behind him always, letting him know, in her own way, that she was there. Lucky was absent for this conversation, snoozing happily on the porch in her own sunbeam.

@berylcluster asked: “  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”        ↳ emotionally stunted idiots

It was different living with someone else, staying with his brother while he still got his head right. There were fewer places to hide, fewer places to find SOLITUDE. So when the nightmares came and he woke up screaming, when Clint came up too quick without him noticing and his instinct was to grab a knife—— well it was a hell of a lot harder to HIDE it all away. There was only so much he could bury down until it came bubbling to the surface. It was a calm wave that could turn into a tsunami at any given moment and OVERWHELM the man. Close quarters meant everything, both little and small would get NOTICED.

It was just a matter of when the questions would come up. Barney wasn't stupid enough to think he held it in pretty well; he simply couldn't. But there was still the SILENCE that would come between them when it reared its ugly head. The unspoken questions that lingered in the air. The tension in the air before they moved on to any other topic. Anything but whatever had drawn Clint's eyes to him. It was like a game, see who would crack first but there were certain things that Barney REFUSED to delve into. Whether it be with the doctors or his own brother, there were some demons best left locked away.

Of course, they couldn't just ignore it forever. Clint was bound to bring it up first. No doubt he heard the shouts from Barney's room, noticed how jerky he was or the few times his hands had reached for a kitchen KNIFE or even to his belt expecting to find one still strapped there. It wasn't all obvious with Barney trying his best to keep such things hidden away but repetition brought attention.

Hearing Clint's words, Barney paused in what he had been working on. Some old tractor in storage that he had spotted; couldn't let it just sit around and rust forever. Wrench in hand, crouched on the ground, his whole form STIFFENED at the mention, much like a cat bristling up when spooked. The brunette remained that way for several moments before shaking his head. DENIAL was a common thing that ran in the Barton family. Block out and ignore the abuse they had both suffered, forget their past fights. Deny, deny, deny. Maybe they had gotten that tiny little detail from their dear old man, may he rot in hell.

❝  It's nothing, ❞  he said after a long silence, resuming his work. ❝  Did I have the television on too loud last night? Figured it wouldn't bother you with the whole, y'know, DEAF thing. ❞  Or, at least, that was what he often chalked it up to with the nightmares. Must have fallen asleep with the tv on again. Sorry, it was the radio. Excuses, excuses, EXCUSES. It was bad enough having doctors prod him for information constantly, the last thing he needed was his brother knowing the full details too.

Of course he knew Clint wasn't totally in the DARK. Deaf, maybe, but not blind. He'd probably gone over multiple files from SHIELD and what they had recovered from HYDRA. Hell, maybe even went to get some answers himself from other agents or the docs. The scars maiming his skin was enough of an indicator of the HELL Barney had been through with very little left unmarred and not all from their childhood.

❝  How long were you planning on letting this damn thing sit around without work anyways? ❞  Just change the topic to literally anything else like they always did.

[the-xen-project]

Oh, Barney! Didn’t recognize ya, bud. What’s up?

Totally understandable! Yall are uh...well...not used to seeing...this...

[shitposting4squares]

half life theory

So I saw this conversation between two people on discord, “You know, I realised something In Half Life 1, Gordon, a physicist, is the most dangerous thing for the army that came to kill the scientists (edited) Not the aliens, not the tentacles coming out of the ground that gibs everything No Gordon fucking Freeman is the biggest threat there” “i mean only because hes supposed to approach combat in a methodical/scientific way, as apposed to the monsters and military, the whole tagline for the first game was "run think shoot live", the combat and environments are presented like a puzzle so in that way of course a scientist is goin to dominate” And it got me thinking, you know what actually makes Gordon so unstoppable? Cus i dont think it’s the whole being a scientist thing. For one, he's outfitted with super science gear like the hev suit and experimental weapons. But more importantly, he’s got a massive supply of miracle cures from another dimension. Gordon wouldn't matter for jack shit if black mesa hadn't set up medical centers full of xen healing goop every 20 feet that let him learn from his mistakes in ways no other human soldier had the opportunity to do up until that point. I mean in the regular military, you generally don't get the chance to learn from the mistake of being shot. You just get shot once or twice and you're done for. And as for the theory I developed from this... This healing goo situation could actually be a great reason why g-man would have had to wait a few years to release Gordon again. He'd have to wait until the ant lion healing goop became ubiquitous across locations Gordon would have to travel through, so Gordon could effectively use his skills to speedily rip through locations like a human bullet. Maybe even poke at the threads of fate to ensure Gordon would have recovery tools when needed. Essentially gman and his associates being a level design game developer making sure Gordon has suit chargers and healing goop whenever things get hairy. And with him encouraging the development of the black mesa action protagonist format that was potentially refined not just through Gordon, but with Adrian Shepard, Colette Green, Gina Cross, and Barney Calhoun as well.

Like Black Mesa coulda been an outstanding experiment and proof of concept for a somewhat omnipotent being of how to create human torpedoes if ya really think about it. Learning what sort of conditions lead to humans becoming absurdly lethal super soldiers within the span of just a few days, and how to optimize this process. Not just in the sense of the real life developers of half life learning and growing from the franchise. But g-man and his mysterious benefactors, canonically, in universe, using the events at black mesa and all it’s expansions and spin offs, as practice for the events of half life 2, alyx, and eventually someday half life 3. Just the typical videogame format of having a power and skill progression could take on a new meaning if ya look at it from an in universe context rather than just a pretext for fun gameplay. Instead consider it as a semi-omnipotent being, learning that if you put a human far enough from something you want destroyed, manage their increase of skill and power by putting them through progressively more difficult situations one after the other, with liberal access to resources and fast recovery tools. Then within 2-4 days you’ll be able to hit your enemy with a powerhouse super soldier that seemed to come out of nowhere and they had little opportunity to prepare against because of just how quickly these humans are able to go from zero to hero in optimal conditions. And even though not all of the black mesa event protagonists have been guaranteed to have have survived, so long as they're able to achieve a otherwise impossible goal before their death, they would still count as data towards refining the black mesa action hero method and being able to replicate it to use against the combine. Like if you think about it, each of the half life 1 protagonists could fit in nicely as tests/proof of concepts for different tasks, and different kinds of optimizations for these so called hero types. Like Gordon is solo act/jack of all trades, Collett and Gina are a co-op duo (potentially helpful data for when gordon and alyx would have to work together in the future), Barney is specialized for escort quests of non-combatants, Adrian is a squad leader of more combat focused types, and Alyx is a backup jack of all trades and test to make sure that the system of having a human run a gauntlet of challenges optimized for their growth still works effectively in a post combine world. Could probably even measure when these environmental conditions of having frequent healing and the opportunity for rapid skill progression that comes along with it really came together in the post combine earth, by how and when Alyx was able to become a near unstoppable human badass in her own spin off game.

[beastenraged]

Say. How would Clint meeting with a decidueye go? Him being just done over the fact that there's a Pokemon who literally shoot arrow. With a bow and all. Ha. Maybe he found a hurt rowlete and took it home? Because really. They're cute! Or the little rowlete just see Clint using bow and arrow like a pro and go !!!! My human! And got attached. Unfortunately they didn't account for the fact that Mama Decidueye would come looking and shooting arrow at Clint to get her hatchling back.

Oh no, you've inspired me! Have a short ficlet.

"Your partner fits you pretty well," Kate notes from Clint's side as they both watch his Decidueye take potshots at the Hydra agents below.

"Huh. I guess." Clint shrugs. Birdlike partner with arrows, next to man with bird codename and arrows? Yeah, he can see that.

-

But it wasn't always that way.

-

At ten years old, every child gets a partner. A protector, of sorts. 

Some of those partners will grow and evolve right side along you, changing as your life does. Others stay the same forever, only varying in what powers they could bring to bear. 

A lot of people think you can predict a person’s future by what shape their partner takes at ten years old. 

Just having turned ten himself, Clint Barton isn’t sure how true that is. 

For one thing, he didn’t expect to get an owl. A plant owl, that only stares at him uselessly. Does nothing as Dad beats him and Barney every night, after drinking his way through the money. 

He guess he couldn’t really expect more out of it, when even Barney’s Stunky can’t do much against Dad’s Rhydon. Still hurts. 

All it does catch mice. That’s it. 

He lays his head on his arms, looking at the owl as it looks at him back. 

“You’re kind of useless, aren’t you?”

Rowlet watches him with round black eyes, before it tilts its head back to choke down a mouse. 

-

Rowlet becomes Dartrix the moment Clint learns his parents are dead. Barney’s partner doesn’t evolve, and they never figure out if that’s a good or bad thing. 

Dartrix is even more of a pain in the ass than Rowlet was, and Rowlet was pretty useless already. 

The bird’s fussy about how clean it is. It won’t let Clint get any sleep until it’s properly groomed, a real pain in the ass. 

Barney laughs at him and Clint throws the grooming brush at him. Stupid thing’s full of Stunky’s stinky fur again, asshole. 

Dick.

Once they run away to the circus, Dartrix becomes a little more useful. Still fussy, still demanding those daily cleanings. But also...

Clint practices his shooting, his trickshots, Dartrix right by his side. The owl contributes razor sharp leaves alongside razor sharp arrows. Twinned together, landing in each other’s shadows.

A two in one act, just like the Swordsman and his Bisharp. A way to really make a living. 

For once, Clint thinks he’s done it. He’s found his place. Finally.

(But that’s not true, is it?)

-

Seeing the Swordsman stealing, Clint steps in without any expectation that Dartrix will too. Even against another person’s partner. 

It never did against Dad’s Rhydon, after all. 

It’s just Clint. Like it’s always been. Just Clint. 

Before Bisharp cuts him, a flick of an arrow flies between them. Making the partner back off. Clint looks up. 

It’s his Dartritx. But not. Bigger now, colored brown and red, evolved one last time.

He knows its new name. 

Decidueye. 

It nods to him and Clint knows what it means without a word needing to be said. 

I’ll stand beside you. 

You won’t be alone. 

Never again. 

-

Deciding to split ways, to not see each other again, that’s when Barney’s Stunky becomes a Skuntank. 

Clink decides not to read too much into that. Or the fight they have afterwards, the one that ends with Decidueye standing triumphant over a dazed Skuntank. 

(He has to, for the sake of his own state of mind.)

-

When he’s recruited by his first spy agency, they look Decidueye over. One intern excitedly tells him that his particular Decidueye is the rarer Grass-Fighting variation, instead of the expected Grass-Ghost. 

“Best for fighting the Dark Types that are common around criminals. Pretty lucky for you!”

“Yeah.” 

He thinks back to that moment, when that arrow was the only thing standing between him and his mentor’s Bisharp. A Dark type. 

Of his brother’s Stunky. Skuntank, now.  

Decidueye tilts its hat at him. Clint looks away from the intern and their too bright blob of a companion. 

“Pretty lucky.”

A feathered wing reaches out to pat him on the shoulder. Wordless comfort. 

Clint smiles. 

What else can he do? Just him and Decidueye. Against the world. 

[migsvenegas]

What Technology has brought to us

The relationship between society and media has been a subject of debate. Recent studies have proven different perspectives on how technology has brought us future while some researchers have proven the negative side of it. There were also a lot of opinions, and theories, from different media practitioners on how technology affects our lives today. With these arguments, I can’t help but also think about how this affects my daily life as a consumer of technology and as part of society. Is technology has brought has new possibilities for the future or the opposite of it? 

I am not a “bookworm” type of person who reads a bunch of books and researches but when we discussed this in my major in school, It got me curious on what are the reasons behind why we act like this ever since technology got into our lives. What do I mean by “we act like this” is why this generation has become more vocal, expressive, critical, and free ever since technology got into our lives. As I read the study of Darin Barney in 2004 where he classified three different theories on technology which are Instrumentalism, Subtantivism, and Social Constructivism, he had different approaches and perspectives per theory on how he defined the effect of technology on society. On Barney’s first theory which is Instrumentalism, he discussed having a neutral perspective on technology. It explains it depends on how you consume it in your daily life. The way you see and use technology reflects on what could happen to you. In this theory, Technology can only be assessed on the basis of how efficient it is to a person. You cannot define technology in a way that is good or bad for people.  This theory has a point. After all, we cannot always put the blame on technology because we are the ones who consume it and it is in our hands-on how we properly use it. But in another perspective, this theory is kind of debatable because of the way how dependent people are on technology nowadays, sometimes we don’t know how to properly consume it since not everyone is knowledgeable and educated enough to understand how technology works. Moving on to the second theory, Barney defined Subtantivism as technology that defines society. Technology produces a certain kind of society and human beings. I have to agree with this. Ever since the world of social media influencing and content creation has been relevant to every user, I witnessed how technology has created a standard on what people should post, and act on social media. It creates a stereotype and a barrier on social media. One example is what I’ve experienced on social media. As a person who wants to pursue the career of being in front of the camera and content creation, I use my platform well to produce quality content for my viewers on social media. A content where they can relate to. However, as I keep creating contents and continuously grow my followers, I can’t help but notice that when people’s attention is already on your platform from time to time, people tend to demand what they want to see from you. I need to establish something that might be good in other people’s eyes. It felt like there’s no room for mistake. I need to curate something that would look influential all the time. With this, it just says that as we consume technology and creates its own society and human being, this is where the negative side of technology comes in. where we practice nothing but hatred when we don’t see something that isn’t in our principles. It creates something that we’re truly not. The last theory of Darin Barney is Social Constructivism, where he said that technological outcomes are socially mediated. Based on my understanding of this theory, it simply says if technology controls society, then society also controls technology because technological outcomes 

 While scrolling through my social media platforms, I’ve seen how dependent we are now on technology. Aside from giving us the convenience of interacting with our friends and loved ones virtually, this somehow created a mindset on how we should utilize media in greater things because of the freedom that it gives to every user. If there’s one theory that I can see that is really happening in our society today, technology is controlling our lives. It creates a society that everyone should be like everyone else. Especially in the world of social media. When you create a Twitter account, people did not expect you to tweet about your life updates like before, they now obliged you to use that platform to be vocal and take a stand on your political beliefs because if not, people will find you problematic because that’s how Twitter works today. Full of rants, political arguments, cancel culture, etc. I, myself experience this one that led me for not using Twitter that much these days because of how problematic users are already there because of the application. That’s how we can easily define how technology affects society. It creates a toxic society on social media that reflects in you in real life. If you don’t do this, then your image as a person on social media reflects your personality and attitude in real life. It creates a stereotype that says if you belong or not if you participate in this or that. But I’m not saying that being vocal on social media is not a good practice for everyone because I know how powerful this tool is to be heard by the public and be critical and aware of the issues around the world and it’s good that we care and voice out on these certain issues. However, we should know that not everyone is already like this. Some people are still scared to be vocal on these platforms and we shouldn’t force someone to be a critique as someone on Twitter if they want to keep their political beliefs privately and just use social media for updates and entertainment. Where is the freedom that we call on these social media applications if we cannot respect how other people use these platforms? As we continue to participate with what social media tells us what to do,  the more we become toxic and insensitive to other people because we rely on these platforms on how we should act, or rather how society should react.

We all have our own usage of social media. We all have different ways of how we use it and how we consume it in our daily lives. Some may find it very useful while others not because they find it very toxic. I believe social media has given us the freedom to do what we want quickly. With just one click, we can call out, educate, and share anything that we want. With proper use and limitations with these platforms, I believe that we can consume this new media as something really beneficial to everyone and not a threat. If we are sensitive enough and be cautious about how we use these platforms, then we can agree that technology may give us a brighter future as this may give us a safe space and a good environment where we can voice out, interact, and be entertained. Don’t technology and the people on social media define you nor the society you live in. It’s okay to be different on how you use social media as long as it gives you the freedom to speak your mind with no hesitations and for not pretending something to be that you’re not.

References:

Siapera, E. (2018). Understanding New Media. In Understanding new media (2nd ed., pp. 19–26). 

[black-mesa-hive-au]

Entry 4

CW: blood, panic attacks

(the recording suddenly starts, showing Calhoun's dorm room and another clone with slicked back hair at the doorway)

Gilbert: Afternoon.

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Do we still have buds in the fridge?

Calhoun: y...yea?

Gilbert: mmmh. (he places his helmet on the hook by the door.) Man, I'm tired. Ughhhhh hungry too. Really takes a lot outta you standing practically all day.

Calhoun:.....

Gilbert: (he slides his shoes off and places them by the door.) Do we still have pizza from yesterday?

Calhoun:....you mean...pizza from last week?

Gilbert: Really? I swear we had pizza yesterday. Don't tell me you ate it all again and you're lying to me. 

Calhoun:.......

Gilbert: Are you even listening?

Calhoun: uh-

Gilbert: Ugh. Fine just don't listen to me.

Calhoun: I- Uh...

Gilbert: You're looking at me weirdly. Like I'm a ghost or something.

Calhoun: W-well! I'm looking at one right now! What the hell happened to you where did you go? You dont just expect to walk back in here and me be fine with it!

Gilbert: I just got back from my shift what are you talking about?

Calhoun: You and Michael have been gone a week! 

Gilbert: Look. I don't know who Micheal is or how you think I've been gone a week but I'd suggest you stop that talk before it really gets to your head. You watch those sci fi flicks too much.

Calhoun: But you-

Gilbert: But I what??? Are you sure you're feelin alright Calhoun?

Calhoun: I'm feeling fine! Just, I thought you were dead and-and...or like you were taken away or something!

Gilbert: Dead? You saw me this morning! We live together! I get off my shift at the exact same time every day. I'm here and I'm breathing.

Calhoun: I just- (he sighs) Fine, let's just go with your story. You just came back from your shift. Okay. So how was your day?

Gilbert: It was fine.

Calhoun: anything interesting?

Gilbert: Oh just a few bits of electric work and helping scientists open their offices again. The usual. (he grabs a beer from the fridge) How about you?

Calhoun: Well, I just did some errands for Dr. Freeman and guarded a bit. It was a pretty slow day, really.

Gilbert: (slowly pulls the beer tab) mm. Average. Wish there was something more to do, ya know.

Calhoun: (takes his helmet off, laying it in his lap causing the camera angle to change) Yea.

Gilbert: Heh, we're gonna be workin all our lives.

Calhoun: Well, if we don't we're a goner practically. (he laughs nervously)

Gilbert: Tell me about it. Look, I know I go on about it a lot but, do you ever think of running?

Calhoun: Like, running away?

Gilbert: Yea.

Calhoun: Of course.

Gilbert:I know you don't want to think about it but- I don't have long. I'm on my decommission year. They could take me any minute. Think about running all the time. Just. Run away somewhere. I don’t know where or with who. Or- or what will happen to me. I don't know if I can leave if I ever get the chance. Like physically- I don't know what would happen to a clone when taken from their natural environment.

Calhoun: I mean, our DNA is human so I'd assume so.

Gilbert: That could be a lie. All of us could be a lie.

Calhoun: Gilbert buddy, you're getting deeper than usual-

Gilbert: We could be like...not human. (he freezes for a second, unblinking)

Calhoun: Gilbert? are you okay?

Gilbert:.....

Gilbert: (he snaps out of it) Like, the thought of staying cooped up here doing the same thing over and over and over is exhausting. The scientists have had lives, they'll make lives and celebrate them. We're made like fish tank ornaments that help with things anyone could do with their own two hands. (he starts to pace) Black Mesa could hire anyone! They didn't need to make us but they just wanted to show off to aperture! How full of it do you have to be to make life like a party trick!? Build something just to throw it away after 3 years of use. We're not batteries. We're flesh and blood like everyone else! All of these things black mesa does for small achievements and pats on the back. Its sickening. I don't want to work here anymore. I've got shocked by those damn wires enough times that I'd probably be dead by now. We're technically not citizens of New Mexico. We're not citizens of anything so how could we stand up for ourselves and sue? (his breathing starts to become more frantic as he speeds up) The scientists would loose their jobs if they did and they're all too cowardly to try. To them we're just robots or something, so why would they care in the first place. We're useful to them. (he crushes his beer, the can contorting and shooting beer everywhere and continues to talk, this time even faster) We're made to be tools to them and not friends. Just objects that are alive. Th-that’s all we are and will be all we are. Just recycled over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: G-gilbert?

Gilbert: over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over-

Calhoun: GILBERT?!!?? LISTEN TO ME GIL-

Gilbert: over and over and over aND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER (he begins to grab the sides of his head, screaming and falling to his knees.) OVER AND OVER AND OVER

Calhoun: BREATHE MAN, BREATHE. JUST- (stands up, placing the helmet on the chair)

Gilbert: OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER ANNNNNDDDDDDD OVVVVEREEERRRRRRRRR!!!! (he screeches loudly as his nose begins to bleed)

Calhoun: GILBERT! GILBERT!! 3-3006!!! PLEASE I'M GETTING HELP- (he rushes to the phone on the wall, dialing quickly as Gilbert continues to screech)

Gilbert: (Starts to tug on his hair) OVVVVERRRR ANDD OVERRRRR AND OVERERRRRRR

Calhoun: (on the phone) HELLO? HELLO OTIS???

Gilbert: AAND OVERRRR AND OVERRR AND OV- (he stops, eyes bloodshot and blood still dripping from his nose. He freezes, pupils dilating as he frantically looks around at the ground. He takes a breath and falls to the floor with a thud.)

(The apartment is silent except for Calhoun's heavy breathing)

Calhoun: (drops the phone and looks back) GILBERT? Holy- oh my lord…(runs over to Gilbert, panicking and turning him over, checking his heartbeat.) no no no NO NO NO NO MAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME NOW.

(the sound of the keypad on the other side of the door chimes. Someone barges through the door, looking around frantically for the source of the screaming.)

Sisk: Calhoun? What was that scream-

Calhoun: (looks back to Sisk, showing off Gilbert's lifeless body) G-gg...

Sisk: Holy S--t. W-what the hell happened!? Did he just? Did you? 

Calhoun: No! No! I didn't do anything! He just got to talking a...about like all that existential stuff and just….kinda broke! He just died!!! in front of me!

Sisk: Jesus Christ. I didn't even know he was alive? And then he just...died? Right in front of you?

Calhoun: (nods, sniffling) 

Sisk: You- you don't just do that. Right? Right??? You don't just die that. 

Calhoun: I- I don’t know. He was gone for a week and just came back and immediately got to talking about all this. I...I have to call someone. (he stands up)

Sisk: What are you going to do about the body? The administration isn't going to be kind about a body laying around in your dorm! And where was he all this time?

Calhoun: I have to call (he makes his way back to the phone hanging on the wire) Someone….

Sisk: Who are you going to call??!! We need to do something about him!!! Please Calhoun come to your senses!

Calhoun: (dialing) Hello? Doctor Kleiner?

Dr. Kliener: Hello?? 2295???

Sisk: (Runs up and grabs the phone)

Calhoun: What the hell???

Sisk: You can't call a scientist!!! They'll think you killed him or something! Then you'll be dead for sure! 

Calhoun: No Sisk, you don't get it! I have to call him. This is important!

Sisk: So is Gilbert's dead body!

Calhoun: Look, I trust him to help! I don't have time for this!! Don't make me play rank on you. 

Sisk: WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM? 

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK- CALM DOWN

Sisk: CALHOUN THIS IS ONE OF US HE CAN'T HELP! HE WOULDNT KNOW A THING ABOUT HEL-

Calhoun: OFFICER SISK. I NEED YOU TO STAND DOWN.

Sisk: Bu-

Calhoun: PLEASE. 

Sisk: (he blinks for a second, and backs off reluctantly, looking Calhoun straight in the eye) You are making a horrible mistake. A horrible mistake.

Calhoun: Like you have any better idea!!??

Sisk: YES. I DO!!! WE BURY HIM OURSELVES! CLONE TO CLONE!! THE ADMINISTRATION WOULD PROBABLY JUST THROW HIM OUT!! YOU WOULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN WOULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU CARED!! 

Calhoun: I DO CARE!! OF COURSE I CARE!!! WE CAN'T DO IT ALL BY OURSELVES. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!

Dr. Kleiner: I guess I'll just wait then….

Sisk: OH? WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES? WHAT HAPPENED TO US BEING JUST AS HUMAN?? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BARNEY CALHOUN THAT HAD HIS PRIORITIES STRAIGHT? DID THAT SCIENTIST YOU'RE CALLING SUCK IT OUT OF YOU??

Calhoun: THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP US!

Sisk: AND THOSE PEOPLE ARE OURSELVES. NOBODY IN THIS FACILITY HAS EVER SHED A TEAR FOR US. WHY WOULD THEY HELP US!!??? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. WE GET HURT.

Calhoun: YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT VINCENT THAT WAY. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 

Sisk: You know what? I'm not arguing with you anymore. It's like arguing with a child!

Calhoun: You're arguing with yourself.

Sisk: And so are you. Except this side of you still gives a damn.

Calhoun: (He takes a deep, shaken breath) You don't get it. you don't get it. There is more going on than you know of.

Sisk: Oh. Is that what is making you so stubborn? Some conspiracy again? You know I'm getting a little tired of this. You're always running away from the facts and siding with some random BS that suits you more.

Calhoun: I have facts. I have PLENTY. LOOK. GILBERT AND MICHEAL WERE GONE A WEEK AND NOW GILBERT IS BACK AND DEAD ON MY DORM FLOOR. THERE'S A FACT. GILBERT IS A 3RD GENERATION CLONE, MAN! THEY DON'T JUST DIE LIKE THAT- THE ADMINISTRATION TAKES THEM AWAY! YOU KNOW THIS. (he takes a deep breath) you should know this. Please just listen ,Sisk, I respect you. You're a fine officer and I love you like a brother I don't want to have to keep arguing with you.

Sisk:....

Calhoun: Goddammit man, just please-

Sisk: (he sighs) Fine….just call the scientist. I'll see you tomorrow morning then. 

Calhoun:...alright.

Sisk: (makes his way to the door, hesitantly stepping over Gilbert) He was my friend too you know. Most I'd like is a funeral. (he walks out, the door sliding shut behind him)

Dr. Kleiner: y-you still there? Calhoun?

Calhoun: Y...yea doc I'm here.

Dr. Kleiner: 3009 is….back?

Calhoun: Dead. He's back and he's dead. 

Dr. Kleiner: I'm very sorry about that ,Mr. Calhoun. 

Calhoun: I'm (he nervously laughs) Sorry you had to hear all of that. 

Dr. Kleiner: Its fine, it's fine. Me and Dr. Vance have arguments all the time. Its part of being, well, human. 

Calhoun:.....(stands there)

Dr. Kleiner: Calhoun?

Calhoun: (hangs up and places the phone back. He walks over to the helmet to turn the camera off as tears stream down his face.)

-end of recording- 

[thousandsunnywrites]

oh could i get some modern!au h/cs for ace? fem!s/o has a nightmare about him dying and he comforts her? kinda like dreaming about past lifes or sth, i hope that makes sense. thank you so much!

Mister Sun

part 1| part 2

modern! Ace x f! reader

Ace’s eyes opened abruptly when he felt a lot of shifting, which was odd— he was a heavy sleeper, little movements shouldn’t bug him. He swallowed down thick saliva. Something was wrong. He doesn’t know what but he can’t shake the lead feeling in his heart.

This gonna sound weird but Ace kinda just stares at your sleeping form: hair tousled in all directions, arms flailed, legs spread in positions that defy human anatomy, all while your torso was curled into fetal position. Man, he didn’t remember you looking this ugly.

All the while, he starts drifting off to LaLaLand, his head about to roll off his neck, until he hears mumbling. Something about leaving someone. Something about a sun? He don’t know wtf it is, but he’s alert when he sees you crying and sniffling like crazy. 

"Y/n?” He approached with caution like he was handling a sleeping bear. I mean, can you really blame him though? Ace heard around the streets that it’s dangerous to wake a sleep talker. 

Poke

“Y/n?”

P o k e 

You scare the living hell out of him when you shoot up in a 90 degree angle with your eyes wide open, gasping for air. You were sweaty and pale because of a nightmare, and he was clammy because he thought he just saw a ghost.

“Are you okay?” He scooches closer to your cold frame to wrap his arm around you. Wow, you were so cold against his warm skin. “D’you know you were crying?”

He sits there dumbfounded when you throw your arms around him and snuggled close to his heart, listening to its rhythm. Took him a while to process, but eventually he envelops your frame in a bear hug, sweetly humming as he wiped the leftover moisture on your cheeks. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m here for you, y’know.”

“I know.”

“Whenever you’re ready, babe.”

It takes a long time to calm down, Ace practically snored while waiting.

Why did you have that dream? Was this a premonition that Ace was gonna die?

Your head was splitting apart with all the throbbing. You didn’t want to think anymore. Although you knew Ace was right in front of you, your heart felt heavy, as if it was longing for something. someone.

“Ace?” You peer up, studying the constellation of freckles across his face and the slight parting of his lips. Why didn’t you do more? Why did you let him die in the dream? Why was this nagging feeling still here? This is real life isn’t it?

Train of thought stopped when Ace jolted awake, bashfully smiling instantly after realizing the intense eye contact you were giving. “Babe? What’s wrong?”

You chewed on your bottom lip, because well how do you tell the person in front of you that they died. Sighing in uncertainty, you told him the gist of it anyways, honest and raw as you could remember.

“It just... you died in my dream.. and I felt everything-- the guilt, the despair, the emptiness-- and it was just scary. Because I know it’s a dream, but why do I still feel like this? Ya know...? Like why couldn’t reach you when you were right in front of me? It sounds batshit crazy I know but hear me out. You died in my arms. And I can’t forget that feeling.”

Nodding along with every word, he rubbed circles on your forearm all the way to the palm of your hands. After finishing your ramble, it left you breathless. Ace noticed how dry your lips became, so he brought back water from the kitchen, guiding the glass to your lips. Setting the glass on the bedside table, he faced you straight and looked directly in your eyes.

“I’m alive, ‘kay? Nobody will ever take me away from you. Because I will  stay by your side, whether you like it or not. Right now, is there anything I can do to make you feel a lil’ better?”

A lightbulb lit atop your head.

“Sing me Mister Sun.”

“Wha-- the one from Barney?” he lets a laugh and stops after seeing the dead stare coming from you. “Oh shit, you’re serious.”

“Yup.”

He rolled over to his side of the bed, resting you on his chest with the blanket pulled up to your chin. Clearing his throat, he begins the hum of the famous song we all know and love, putting you to sleep with a sense of ease and security in your heart.

“Please shine down on me,” he finishes, sighing in relief when he sees your serene sleeping figure. Yup, he thought before drifting to sleep, that’s the pretty face I know and love.

[luxlightly]

Ok I was originally not going to post this because it's A Lot of headcanon for an improv video game comedy series and just send it to one person but they never responded and I'm attention starved. So here's my huge, Bubby centric, monster of a headcanon that ties the whole series together. Mostly under a cut because it's A Lot. (written in one sitting on my phone so excuse the multiple changes in tense and typos)

So the big sort of thing is that Bubby caused the resonance cascade. He sabotaged the computers. He just meant for it to be a distraction to escape black mesa but Benry's involvement and the chaotic element of the Player Character interacting with him caused everything to go to hell fast. Also Benry and Bubby are sort of brothers.

Going backwards to explain:

So some of this really stretches the canon because it's mixing a "it's a real world" au and "it's still a video game" au kind of ideas. 

Basically the world of the video game exists sort of as a parallel dimension within the game's code. The G-man exists kind of outside of the rules, able to control more or less the code or console. He's kind of the Mastermind behind black Mesa as a whole who exists outside the game's code to a sort of in between layer (in those time stop moments) where he can only be seen by those who are also in some way connected to the Real World through either direct connection to the Player or sufficient connection to the console code. His reach is in ways limited because of this and he cannot easily interact with the game world characters. He uses Black Mesa as a way to use the science of their word to try to create new things from the code or otherwise more precisely control it.

Which is where Bubby comes in. Basically, black Mesa took the basic code for the security officer Barney and tried to create new copies with connections to the code they could use. However it was pretty much a complete failure. Only two of the attempts even survived to maturity with any kind of personally intact, but they weren't right. Trying to connect them with the code like that broke them in certain ways. On creation, the scientists asked them their names to try to get them to access their own files to find the name, but neither could, it came out garbled. So instead they went by the names they more or less gave themselves. 

Bubby is able to connect to the console commands specifically to set objects and characters on fire(among some others in small amounts that are far less well controlled), but he can't understand that's what it is. It's just psychokinesis to him. And he's not good at controlling it, especially when he was younger. He's also scrawny, has several phobias, and is overall much more suited to academic pursuits than being any kind of soldier for them. It also causes him to glitch at times('here i come, Gordon! Here I come, Gordon! Here I come, Gordon!). His code is more or less like a badly implemented mod that tried to unlock god admin mode but failed and now doesn't quite fit back in with the original code right.

They kept him as a scientist at black Mesa mostly to keep him under surveillance. He knows this. He doesn't know anything about the code or anything, but he knows he was made there etc etc. He spent most of his time just keeping the other scientists afraid of him and his spontaneous combustion and studying as much as he could. He'd never been outside. He wasn't allowed to leave. He'd never really cared to. 

Until (and this was largely inspired by the '30 something Coomer and Bubby when Coomer first joined black Mesa by @inkwellstars) a new scientist was hired. Bubby largely ignored him except for trying to scare him away from any annoying attempts and friendship with some showy (if poorly controlled) pyrotechnics. But Coomer was just fascinated and made a terrible pun about his new coworker being 'a real hothead'. Which infuriated Bubby into taking an interest in him. Coomer remained the only person who was unfazed enough by the fire and the shark teeth to not just still hang around, but even tease him, no matter how hard Bubby tried to intimidate him out of it. Eventually, Bubby realized it was the last thing he actually wanted. That this man was the first person who he'd ever had treat him… Like a human being. And for the first time, he considers a world outside black Mesa. And it's somewhere he wants to go. He wants to follow this man when he walks out the sliding lab doors back to a world he'd never been a part of. 

Not that he's pining or anything!! Coomer was a married man, after all!(no way no sir not that). 

 Bubby has a lot of unmanaged anger because he just catches on fire if he gets too frustrated. After a discussion of Coomer's past boxing ambitions, they set up the underground boxing league mostly just as the two of them, letting Bubby actually let off some steam in a metaphorical instead of literal way. He gets his ass handed to him every time but it's nice to not be treated like either the boss' fragile, expensive toy or a living Molotov cocktail. Bubby learns a bit of fighting along the way,to boot. He gets much better at controlling his fire. Coomer picks him up in a "lift off the ground and spin around" bear hug when he manages to set something aflame without setting any part of himself alight first. Bubby somehow feels that was more important to him than the accomplishment itself. Eventually word gets out about the quite literal underground rings they've started up and it becomes a whole league and Bubby takes a more spectator role, contented to play coach to Coomer.

However, Coomer's impressive strength and fortitude aren't only noticed by an admiring(and sightly love struck) Bubby. Black Mesa decides to try, instead of using code to try to create a new entities with connection to the code, to use an existing character, enhance them, and then create copies of them. Coomer became that existing character.

At first it seemed to work perfectly. They had a character able to alter the world at their will(sending Gordon back and forth through time/creating portals), access a super human, nearly godlike state of power(super player feature) and alter the code in a multitude of other ways. They implemented a system of authorization to stop him from accessing these powers without permission from a handler. These PlayCoins could only be gained and used by someone directly connected to the console code or real world. Someone connected to that liminal space between code and reality the g-man exists in. However, trying to create duplicates didn't create a new, equally powerful entity, it just split the power of the original. From there, Coomer's spirit was still too powerful to be completely controlled, so they split him into dozens of clones, dividing up that power until he was within a range they could control. The effect on his psyche was devastating, however. It trapped him into the code of 'tutorial npc' but his response triggers got completely broken so he responds to the wrong things. Before the scripted events of the game in which those triggers are, it didn't affect his day to day behavior, but it did leave him with an inescapable partial awareness of the game itself. As split as he is, he can't understand or remember anything about what it means, it's just a constant disconnect between him and the game's reality. It causes his marriage to fall apart. 

Bubby doesn't know about what happened to Coomer. A lot of his own memories are controlled and tampered with as well. But he feels as though his getting close to Coomer caused his suffering and they end up drifting apart for a long time and Bubby's longing to see the world outside his laboratory home fades alongside their once strong bond.

Until. The other failed test tube character made from the mangled and stripped code of the security officer Barney who was torn out of the code to be twisted to the g man's whims comes to Bubby with an idea. The man who is not a man. Who has no parents and named himself : Benry.

Benry seemed like he should have been perfect. He kept the most physical resemblance to the original Barney, he seemed physically stable. As far as anyone could tell, he was completely connected to the console code. He should be able to control whatever he wanted, but besides the sweet voice and an unnatural fortitude, he seemed to have no remarkable qualities. Also he was all but totally incoherent. Memory, temporal and spacial awareness,and speech function were severely impaired. He often forgot where and when he was('... What happened to your arm?'), got his own memories confused with the memories of the now non-existent Barney ('you and me we used to be friends do you remember i don't know what happened'). Along with an erratic and unpredictable personality. He was considered another of countless failures and given a menial security job, like with Bubby, mostly just to keep an eye on him. Benry and Bubby, despite being practically siblings, aren't close, but do trust each other insomuch as they know the other probably won't outright kill them. 

But Benry was not as unremarkable as he seemed.

And the introduction of a new element would throw everything into chaos: The Player. And, by extension, The Game.

The Player, in this instance, refers to the assumed person who is playing the game in which the characters exist. They are a discrete, unseen, and unmentioned character, who is neither Wayne nor Gordon Freeman. Wayne is the actor playing both Gordon and, in ways The Player, in the same way that Holly is playing the character of Coomer. Gordon is the AI character who exists within the game world. He believes he is in control of his actions and that what he experiences is real. He exists on the same layer of fiction as the other AI such as the character of Coomer.  The Player is whomever, within the fiction of the series, is physically playing The Game.

The Game is the actual scripted, programmed events that were programmed in the "real world" (the Player's real world in which they live and are playing the Game). It represents the events that happen from the time the Player begins the game and when they complete it. The Game represents the overlap between the reality in which the AI exist and The Player's world. Presumably a copy of the original game Half Life. 

As the events of The Game draw nearer, it makes every charterer with a connection to the code antsy. Bubby starts thinking, for the first time in years, about the world outside black Mesa's walls. Thought becomes longing. Longing becomes desperation. A need to escape from here by any means necessary.

Benry approaches him with an idea. They'll sabotage the big test that Dr.Freeman is running. The whole thing will likely explode, causing enough destruction and distraction for them to slip away in the chaos (with Coomer in tow if Bubby could help it). Freeman would almost certainly die but that was a necessary casualty for their freedom. Bubby never liked him anyway. There was just something...off about him. Like a weird double vision he couldn't shake around the man. Like something was both there that shouldn't be and missing that should be. Bubby avoided him. He didn't think he'd ever had a single conversation with him. He agrees.

Benry stops Gordon at the entrance and tries to stall him as long as possible with bogus requests to give Bubby as much time to sabotage the test as possible (which he does by crawling inside the computers, claiming he's fixing a problem). 

However,Gordon is not connected to the console code, but directly to the real world through being controlled by The Player. As the Player triggers the scripted events of The Game, the holes and mangled code the g man and black Mesa have been tampering with start going haywire. Especially as Benry interacts with him directly. His latent connection to the console code starts activating, giving him ability to control himself and the game more and more, but his memory issues and temporal confusion makes him unable to determine what is and isn't real so his code powers start just making it real, beginning to actively break the Game from within. The bogus excuse about a passport (he forgot the word for ID and had to roll with the lie) became a reality and a powerful one. He starts teleporting and clipping through the walls.

Bubby starts the test, unaware of the change. He played along with the passport thing to not blow Benry's story. But by the time he reaches the chamber, it's already a real thing everyone else there had and should have. 

When the cascade starts, though, Bubby is caught off guard. It was just supposed to explode. It wasn't supposed to bridge dimensions and cause this rift. He assumes Gordon did something to cause it to fail so catastrophically. He phases through the window of the observation room (something he didn't even know he could do and likely didn't even realize he was doing and forgot afterwards since he was immediately knocked out) but it's too late to stop it.

Then the events of the Game are in full swing and all the broken code of every character crumbles and results in the "look Gordon! Ropes!" Glitched tutorial Coomer, a Bubby whose setting himself on fire on accident for the first time in years, and a Benry who transcends beyond the confines of his code into an extradimemsional Chimera of sorts who can pass in and out of the liminal G space, become and summon skeleton minions who also can be or not be in that space, able to be seen by anyone or just by someone able to perceive that plane of existence, such as Gordon.

As Coomer destroys his clones, he gets pieces of his power and fragments of memory back. Enough to know that they are clones and that killing them returns his powers to him. Bubby and he quickly rekindle their bond, with the memory tapering being undone.

Bubby is still desperate to leave, trying to get Gordon to go faster by guilting him and saying he wants to go home (though black Mesa is his actual home). However everything just seems to get more and more drawn out and they can never really make progress.

Benry convinces Bubby that Gordon is the reason that they can't leave. Bubby can sense that something is different about Gordon so he believes it. Benry may or may not believe it himself. He may have realized that leading the Player to the end would only end the Game and tried to subvert that path. Or the programmed event of Gordon's ambush might have just pushed them both to it. Impossible to say. 

In any case, Bubby is quickly also detained and put back in his tube.

With enough clones killed, and having accidentally jumped out of the play box and seen that there's nothing physically beyond black Mesa, Coomer becomes aware of and connected to the console code and aware of the "real world". He tries to use Gordon's connection to the Player to get to the real world, though at this point he can only understand it as the world of Gordon's "dreams". When Tommy kills all of the clones, then knocks out Coomer, it causes a full reset and Coomer becomes his full,unshattered self again. He still is limited by his need for authorization through PlayCoins, but he's much more coherent and quickly becomes completely aware of his situation within the Game and starts talking directly to the Player through Gordon at times. 

The rest is history. 

As for some other non directly related things: Tommy is g man's attempt at a more biological connection between the code and the game universe. Tommy is his son and has all the abilities of a g-man but is largely unable to use them and unaware of them due to his young age (comparatively to the immortal g man, 36 is still a child) and his innocence. He is also completely integrated with the game universe with no glitches from the union. Tommy is not aware he's the Gman's son. He thinks it's just some guy who bought him Vin Diesel and the minions. Tommy tends to use his powers entirely accidentally when he does, with the exception of creating Sunkist. In doing so he also surpassed his father's ultimate limit: creating a completely new element to the game without having to gut other code. He created the perfect dog out of completely new content he willed into existence. Unfortunately for G-Man, Tommy is far too pure and goodhearted to be used to any nefarious ends. 

[21-torpedo-salvo]

tentacles/science mishap Freehoun

The testing had gone awry. Damage to the pheropod, accidental though it was, had caused a discharge of pheromones that quickly permeated the lab with a decidedly odd scent. It was different from other odors Gordon knew the pods to create-- it was heavier, making his tongue tingle as he inadvertently inhaled it, and floral. Bemused, he squeezed the misshapen pod once more, puffing another blast of that scent directly into his face.

What the hell was he doing. Coughing, he shoves the pod back into its enclosure and hastily makes for the sink in the back of the lab. Warm heat was starting to seep into his skin, offsetting the cold rush of water as he splashes it copiously over his face and eyes. Once he was sure he'd gotten the worst of it, he stepped back.

The floral scent would not leave his nose. In fact, he caught himself inhaling deeper, guided by some urge. How much of that stuff did he inhale?

Was the pheropod damaged or just different from other pheropods? The Vortigaunts had never mentioned an effect like this. The longer he stood here, thoughts racing, the worse it got. The heat was starting to crawl into his belly and between his legs, which inadvertently made him think of Barney.

The door to the lab clicked open. Gordon whirls around to face it, feeling parts of his body lurch to answer. Fabric tears as extra appendages sprout free, too impatient to go beneath the hem.

In the doorway, Barney stands, hand still on the knob and blinking rapidly.

"Uh... Is this a bad time, Doc? I figured you could use a bite to eat, but I can go, if you want..." Barney says cautiously, eyeing the tentacles poised in the air. "Did you spill some perfume in here or somethin'? What's that smell?"

Gordon stares at him. He slowly raises his hands, asking for Barney to close tbe door. Step inside, draw the curtains, he's got a favor to ask.

The windows are covered with soft clicks. Barney turns to look at him, eyebrow raised, a question plain in his expression. He leans back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest.

"You are okay, aren't you, Doc?" Barney asks slowly.

"I'm fine," Gordon replies. "I did something stupid. I accidentally squeezed a pheropod in my face and it's... having an unusual side effect."

As he speaks, he watches Barney start to palm himself, broad hand sliding over the crotch of his jeans. He squeezes and gropes himself through the fabric, but judging from the still-focused expression on Barney's face, it's subconscious.

Gordon struggles a moment, hands waving. The he continues.

"Pheropods aren't supposed to affect humans like this, or at least, they haven't until now..."

"You're not human, though," Barney replies, head tilting.

"Look at you, Barn," Gordon replies crossly.

Barney looks confused at first. He grinds the heel of his palm down against his junk before abruptly stopping, face burning as he realizes his actions.

"Holy shit," he breathes. "Didn't even-- well, shoot, Gordon," Barney says, eyes wide.

Gordon feels the tentacles under his clothes writhe. There's one starting to crawl down into his pants, seeking the pit of heat growing quickly between his legs. His hips jerk as he feels the rounded edge prod at his cunt.

He watches Barney push off from tbe counter. He swaggers toward Gordon, his eyes gleaming with a familiar determination. At least one of them has made up their mind-- and Gordon is inclined to agree.

"We might as well own it," Barney says lowly. "Kiss me?"

Gordon makes a whining sound at the proposition. Eagerly, he grabs Barney's arms and pulls him close, meeting him halfway for the kiss. A change in taste is immediate-- the flowery scent has become a flavor, hanging off of Barney's tongue as it licks into his mouth. Strong hands crawl all over his frame, peeling off the shorn clothing and fussing with the button of his trousers.

His back arches as his errant limbs start to move, freed from their prison. Nimble orange tentacles wrap around Barney's arms and thighs-- muscle memory, he realizes with embarrassment, but he quiets tbe urge to haul Barney into the air. He wanted to keep kissing him even as his teeth grew sharper, his tongue thicker.

"You're holdin' back," Barney whines into his mouth. "What's with the self control all of a sudden, Gordie?"

Barney reaches a hand between Gordon's leg. A shudder runs down his spine as he grasps the tentacle there, which had started to move, and slowly removes it.

"Is it 'cause you're touchin' yourself?" He asks thickly. "Here, I have a better idea..."

Gordon feels himself go lightheaded as Barney pops the end of the tentacle into his maw. He sucks on it obscenely, tongue sticking out and saliva pooling, until the tendril responds.

Panting, Gordon starts to strip Barney free. He feels his body tremble with unbidden power as he goes for his pants-- instead of rolling them down, the fabric shreds, rendered useless by burgeoning claws. His human facade was quickly melting, inhibited by the pheromone.

Barney moans around the tentacle. Gordon pushes it in deeper and can't suppress a groan at the sensation. When Barney tries to speak around it, he hefts him into the air.

It's a couple more moments of face-fucking Barney, suspended in the air, before he deigns to withdraw the tendril. He revels in the sight of Barney panting open-mouthed, tongue lolling out.

"You look... so fucking hot," Barney growls. "Let me put my face between your legs. Please. I want to eat you out so bad right now, Gordie," he says, and wiggles his hips.

Gordon gently pries open Barney's legs. His cock hangs heavy between them, clearly erect and growing harder. He lets a tentacle toy with his balls, rolling them over the pliable tendril. He smiles as Barney bucks his hips involuntarily.

"C'mon, Doc," Barney whines.

Gordon likes watching Barney from this position. His skin is flushed dark all over-- excitement and arousal, presumably, with a needy expression. His throat warbles with every mewl and moan brought on by Gordon's gentle teasings, tentacles rubbing warm circles into sensitive flesh.

Carefully, Gordon draws Barney closer. He can feel himself drip from between his legs, already soaked. His tentacles tighten on Barney's frame.

"Can I tie you up?" Gordon asks, eyes lidding.

Barney keens at him. "'Course," he says roughly. "Wanna eat you out. Please, Dr. Freeman."

Fuck. Gordon shudders at the title. Quickly, he wraps Barney up with the rest of his tendrils. He ties his arms to his sides, wrists crossed behind his back, but keeps his legs decidedly spread. Then, with great care, he slots Barney's face between his legs.

The effect is immediate. A hot tongue thrusts its way past his cunt, lapping superficially at the fluid before touching skin. Chapped lips wrap around his clit, suckling gently before the tongue takes over. Eventually, Barney pushes his way deeper, nose burying into the hair.

Gordon leans over onto the desk, a low moan escaping him. He feels possessed by the need to-- to do something, anything, to abate this heat and leave his mark. Static fills his head as Barney really starts to move, obscene noises leaking from his mouth.

He withdraws tentacles from Barney's cock. He still rubs carefully at his balls while other tendrils grope and squeeze his rear before pushing inside. They're already dribbling an orange slick that stains the skin, glittering as it dries, and there's little resistance in stuffing Barney full.

Barney's moans are swallowed by Gordon's cunt. He shifts his hips down, knowing he's practically smothering him, but he's rewarded by his cock jumping and hips jerking. Any words he says turn into sweet vibrations, an intense sensation.

Gordon moans lowly as he fills Barney up. Tactile feedback from his tentacles always feels strange, but informative, and he can feel every twitch and spasm of Barney's muscles accommodating. The slick makes the journey easier, and gradually, he inserts a second tentacle.

"Gordonnnn," Barney moans, voice pitching. "Gordon, Gordon..."

He pushes in and out of Barney in time with his chants. It's not long before he's grinding across Barney's face with the impromptu rhythm, surely covering him in mess, but all he gets is another lurid moan.

It's not long before Gordon is falling out of tempo. He fucks Barney hungrily, tentacles thrusting deeper inside on every pass until the crescendo of heat in his belly suddenly falls. Beneath him, he feels Barney cum against his face, cock twitching with every spurt.

They slump down over each other, panting and spent.

[the-xen-project]

Chapter Five: Secrets Uncovered! 

???? Is now available for questions. 

[bobasheebaby]

125 How I Met Your Mother Prompts

More prompts this one is mega long but broken up by character. I think it’s a pretty good mix of funny and angsty. Break at 15.

Barney Stinson

1 “You know what NAME needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”

2 “A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”

3 “ It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”

4 “Suit up!”

5 “Believe it or not, I was not always as I am today.”

6 “I realized that I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is.”

7 “Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest boy/girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.”

8 “Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.”

9 “Three days. We wait three days to call a man/woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait... True story.”

10 “There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if his/her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it's not cheating if he’s/she’s from a different area code.”

11 “I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see because I was drunk.”

12 “I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?” “I guess, because you're almost as messed up as I am.”

13 “In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.”

14 “Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.”

15 “Here’s the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.”

16 “God, it’s me, NAME. What up? I know we don’t talk much, but I know a lot of guys/girls call out your name because of me.”

17 “Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and he’s/she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ‘em, tiger!”

18 “De — wait for it — nied! Denied! We’re goin’ out tomorrow night.”

19 “Step six is called purg— wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover that there’s no escape —atory.”

20 “I think tonight is going to be de — wait for it — lightful.”

21 “Ted, tonight is gonna be — wait for it — dary! Wait, no, that’s not it. How do I usually say it?”

22 “You watch, NAME, tonight is going to be legen— it’s the night we stole a camel! Which means it will be full of drama —dary.”

23 “I’m just gonna grab this star to put on top of the tree. It’s gonna be legend— wait for it —merry.”

24 “Haaaave you met NAME?”

25 “Challenge accepted!”

Robin Scherbatsky

26 “Oh, come on, ref! I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.“

27 “Just be yourself. Say something nice.” “Which one? I can't do both.”

28 “Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man/woman who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!” “That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he/she dumb.”

29 “Destined? Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, NAME? Isn't it time to make your own destiny?“

30 “NAME was great.” “Exactly, and you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass.” “You mean you?” “Thank you!”

31 “Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags.“

32 “NAME, I am not ready for them to find out about us.” “Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy. Don't worry, it's only 382 minutes.” “Nerd!”

33 “You know NAME? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass.” “It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, NAME.”

34 “14 seconds! And already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off.”

35 “But timing is a bitch.”

36 “Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.“

37 “There's something between us. Maybe my head was saying, 'nip it in the bud', because my heart was saying something else ...”

38 “I just finished a seven-day cleanse.” “I thought you just started that yesterday.” “I finished early, okay?”

39 “NAME! I just had a great idea!” “Oh, do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up.”

40 “Okay, I've missed you. Not in a 'we're gonna make out' way, not even in an 'I forgive you' way. Just in an 'I've missed you' way.”

41 “I may not love you the way you love me, but I do love you.”

42 “But ... umm.”

43 “Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy?”

44 “Oh, that’s right. I’m alone.”

45 “I’m gonna give you summer teeth ... some’re here, some’re there.”

46 “You can’t run back to the past because it’s familiar.”

47 “Nobody asked you, NAME.”

48 “It’s one thing to not want something. It’s another to be told you can’t have it.”

49 "I am never going to have closure. Okay, closure doesn't exist."

50 “You are going to miss out on something great.”

Ted Mosby

51 "If you're not scared then you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing anyway?"

52 “You can ask the universe for signs all you want but ultimately we'll only see what we want to see...when we're ready to see it.”

53 "Nothing good happens after 2:00 am… when 2:00 am rolls around, just go home and go to sleep."

54 "The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you steer into the skid."

55 "Sorry, Peter. We're grown ups now, we can't fly to Nevrland with you anymore."

56 "I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?"

57 "People make fun of the guy/girl who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy/girl is a genius.”

58 “Love doesn't make sense! You can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and love is dead, and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do.”

59 “Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.”

60 “There are a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen.”

61 “There are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the guy/girl of your dreams and the day you marry him/her.”

62 ““I’m crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?” “Yes. No. Maybe.” “Those are the three options.”

63 “The littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life.”

64 “It's kind of insane how much happened in just a day and a half.”

65 “Whether a gesture's charming or alarming, depends on how it's received.”

66 “Because sometimes even if you know how something's gonna end that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.”

67 “Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks but actually kinda likes them?”

68 “I used to be in such a hurry all the time. Everything was so urgent. Now I figured, if it's going to happen it'll happen when it happens. I'm not going anywhere, he’s/she's not going anywhere. What's the rush, right?”

69 “I think for the most part if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you.”

70 “We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, that in those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being.”

71 “You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.”

72 “I'm sorry, when I'm excited I abbreviate words I shouldn't.”

73 “We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.”

74 “When you believe in people, people come through.”

75 “If you love something, you can never let it go. Not even for a second. Or it's gone forever.“

76 “Hey ref! Check your voicemail, I think you've missed a few calls!“

77 “Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray.“

78 “NAME, if you asked a hundred people: 'Who's the worst person you could possibly date?' They'd all say 'your therapist', except the ones saying 'NAME'.”

79 “Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all.“

80 “We've always been a trio! We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred. Romeo and Juliet and the apothecary. Salt and pepper and cumin.“

Lily Aldrin

81 “You guys dated before. That time counts. The clock doesn't reset to zero. It un-pauses from where you left off.”

82 “We struggle so hard to hold on to these things that we know are gonna disappear eventually. And that’s really noble.”

83 “You can’t just skip ahead to where you think your life should be.”

84 “I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not.”

85 “Yes, I'm in a rotten mood. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, this has booze in it. No, it's not my first.”

86 “The 'no more surprises'-thing is the best part of being married.”

87 “So, what do you want to do tonight? Drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire? Oh, watch a movie that doesn't start with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital 'I'?”

88 “Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one.” “Sweet-talk is not gonna change my mind!”

89 “So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples over for dinner, to judge them and feel superior?” “Oh, grow up, NAME, that's why any couple invites anyone over ever!”

90 “I think my soul just threw up a little bit.“

91 “Your heart's talking to you, NAME. Do you have the guts to listen to it?”

92 “I don't care if the dishes aren't done, okay? If you care, you do it.” “Great, then I don't care if you have an orgasm. If you care, you do it.”

93 “Who wants hot-wings?” “I'm in... or maybe we should just pour hot-sauce on NAME, since he's/she’s a total chicken.”

94 “I hate how you're always right.” “It's my best, and most annoying, trait.“

95 “Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.“

96 “NAME check it! Three blond babies drinking bad-decision-juice at eight o'clock.”

97 “If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage, you are going to lose me.”

98 “Why not just say goodbye to the bad things?”

99 “Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost, to all the times it was a no instead of a yes, to all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache.”

100 “Where’s the poop, NAME? Where’s the poop?”

Marshall Eriksen

101 “Hey I have given up peeing in the shower for you!”

102 “Why does he/she keep doing this? He meets them. He/She likes them way too much. He/She goes way too big too soon. He/She ends up blowing it. I can't take this any more. He's/She’s fallen in love so many times now.”

103 “Ow! Paper cut ... Death is all around us.”

104 “This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.”

105 “It's a little late but WHAT THE BALLS IS THIS?”

106 “Hey baby, it's me. Can you bail me out of jail? I thought I saw big foot in Central Park so I tackled him. But it turned out to be Russell Brand.”

107 “Being in a relationship is hard. And committing, making sacrifices it's hard. But if it's the right person, it's easy. Looking at that guy/girl, and knowing he’s/she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that then he’s/she's not the one.”

108 “Here's the thing, NAME. I'm snuggly. You're not. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in comfort and it's raining outside and there's muffins warming in the oven. I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.”

109 “He’s:She's never seen Star Wars?! NAME, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars. And that's cause they lived them, NAME! That's cause they lived the Star Wars.”

110 “Love died. The love that made you all believe in love, that's dead now.”

111 “I’ve never asked NAME to do anything ‘no questions asked’ because I never wanted to. He’s/She’s the love of my life. I never keep anything from him/her.”

112 “Happy Slapsgiving!”

113 “This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!” “Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.” “Oh, you don't think I've tried?” [FLASHBACK]  “Table for one.” “One... Couple?” “Um, no, just me.” “Really? For brunch?” “You're right. Who am I kidding?” [Leaves restaurant. End of Flashback] “Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?” “Of course, sweetie.” “Can I go with you guys?” “Really? For brunch?”

114 “That’s life, you know. We never end up where you thought you wanted to be.”

115 “That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like, ‘Hey bro, I don’t know what you’re eating cause I don’t have any eyes but it’s basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.’”

116 “Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.”

117 “I’m a good boyfriend/girlfriend in my sleep.”

118 “You have to let me dance my own battles.”

119 “One good deed leads to another and another.”

120 “Look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs…it’s like we’re the president.”

121 “All hail beercules!”

122 “I don’t know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands?”

123 “Hey, baby.” “We hate NAME now. Get on board or the sexting stops.” “NAME’s a son of a bitch!”

124 “Are these chicken wings or angel wings? God, I love these things.”

125 “Oh, and you think you can step up to me? To me?!”

[invertedeidolon]

The Longest Library #2: Cat Raise The Dead by Shirley Rousseau Murphy (AKA cat balls)

This is a series in which I attempt to read and review all (or most of) my library of 297 books.

Rundown: Two sentient, talking cats solving a mystery involving disappearing old folks and a cat burglar. I give it a 2/5 because it's like a slightly undercooked brownie, you think you like it but by the third bite it's falling apart and isn't holding together very well and you kind of want it to reach the end and it doesn't feel great anymore. You have to put it down and pick out the nice bits and kind of ignore the other bits and just drink a tall glass of milk afterwards.

So what I mean by that, is that the pacing, both in the narrative sense and the pace at which clues are revealed or become more concrete, is too slow. It felt like I was being shown a bunch of unrelated stuff, and the one or two things I did connect painted a much more interesting picture for myself than it turned out to be. I felt shorted. After the descriptions of the frighteningly lifelike dolls and the missing old people I was ready for some real serial killer shit. There was too much space between finding clues and the climax (where everything came together). It felt like I was handed 5 out of 500 puzzle pieces, and then shown the rest of it at the last minute. None of those five fit together in any way. The author was a little too guarded about the conclusion.

Now, not to diss the big mystery itself. It's effective and devilishly practical, and literally would have been an air tight scheme if not for those meddling cats.

The secondary sub-mystery feels unnecessary. It could have stood alone as it's own thing, or have been concluded in the first half. It feels very haphazardly tied to the main mystery.

There's quite a few run on sentences that could have done with some pruning. The imagery is vibrant, and would be great if the book was only about the cats. But it's not. The narrative keeps weaving in and out of cat-centric things like hunting in the moonlight and a gnarly rat fight, and back to the mystery again. It feels disjointed, and could do with some tightening.

Also the author keeps "showing and not telling" me that the main cat is clearly not neutered. God please. Effective imagery. But holy fuck stop showing me this cat's little furry balls.

Now for some lines I wanted to comment on.

"Last week, coming out of the Felther house up on Ridgeview, with her inner coat pockets loaded with a lovely set of Rose of Erin sterling and a fine array of serving pieces, when she saw the gray tom watching from atop a black station wagon and she faced him and swore at him, his eyes had flared with rage. Sentient rage. The kind of violent anger you see only in human eyes."

"He turned away, trotted away purposefully up the side street as if she didn't exist, moved off toward the front of the house, prancing insolently up the center of the sidewalk under the streetlight, his stub tail wiggling back and forth, his tomcat balls making him walk slightly straddle-legged."

"The hunting would be fine, the rabbits giddy and silly in the racing light. She felt giddy herself, felt suddenly moon silly. Felt like rolling and playing."

ZOOMIES

"Harper looked the car over, took out a pack of cigarettes, then changed his mind and put them back in his pocket. As if he didn't want to smoke up the pristine beauty. [...] Again he took a cigarette, slipping it from the pack in his pocket in an automatic reflex. He started to tamp it on the door of the Bentley, then put it back again."

The author is really good at small details like this, little character details and mannerisms that get lost in the rest of the incredibly dense descriptions and things-that-aren't-moving-the-plot-faster.

"She was dressed in jeans and one of those T-shirts that made a statement, a shirt she had obviously selected as appropriate for the occasion. Across her chest four cats approached the viewer, and on the back of the shirt, which he'd seen as she came around the car to get in, was a rear view of the same four cats walking away, as if they were stepping invisibly through the wearer's chest, thier tails high, and, of course, all their fascinating equipment in plain sight."

This is Dillon. She's like, 15. Please choose a different shirt Dillon. Author, please stop talking about how fascinating cat balls are for like one second, oh my god.

"He and Dr.Firreti were waiting to see if the pills would snap Barney out of it. It was midafternoon now, and he wondered if Clyde was at home. Worrying, he said a little cat prayer for Barney."

I want a church cat, to go to church, and reeeead his biiiiblee~

"...her spike heels sharp enough to puncture a cat's throat. It was Dulcie who glanced away. This was the woman who could afford a three hundred thousand dollar Bentley Azure but who presumably spent her days among bedpans counting soiled sheets and inspecting medication charts. A woman who had to be driven totally by love for humanity; why else would she do this? This woman who, Clyde had told him, supervised every detail of the retirement villa like an army general. As she disappeared into an office, Joe shivered, and he, too, looked away."

ALERT, EVIL VILLAIN SPOTTED, SHE IS OBVIOUSLY UP TO NO GOOD (tm)

"If Clyde ordered you not to go near Casa Capri, you'd be up there in the shake of a whisker." [...] "Joe wanted to say, 'You thought visiting the old folks would be all kippers and cream,' wanted to say, 'Casa Capri didn't turn out like you expected.' But she glared as him so crossly he shut his mouth."

There's a lot of colorful writing meant to invoke the sharpness and whimsicality surrounding life as a cat, but it suffers from (what I feel are) tone problems. 'kippers and cream' and 'a shake of your tail' right alongside visceral descriptions of the killing blow on a wild rabbit, slowly devouring/pulling it apart. It would be immersive if not for the cat puns and colloquialisms that sound like they belong on a plaque someplace in your Nan's house.

"Tramping heavy-pawed among the delicate bottles, he posed before the mirror, twitching a whisker, giving her a toothy grin. Panning and turning, he glanced over his shoulder, studying his stub tail and his tomcat equipment. She hadn't known he was such a ham."

ANYWAY, 2 down, 295 to go.

[funkymbtifiction]

MBTI’ing the OTP: Valentine’s Day Special

By Mysterylover123

These are just my personal ships, FYI - you don’t like em, no problem. Just thought I’d analyze the MBTI types of all my faves. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Friends: Chandler and Monica - ISFJ & ESFJ

If I had to pick my idea of a great IRL romance, this would be it. Best friends who fall in love. Chandler is the ISFJ, hesitant, eager to be liked, sticking to his guns and more practical in some ways than Monica. Monica has been typed as both ESTJ & ESFJ, and I can see a case for both - she’s ESFJ on this site and ESTJ on others. Either way, she’s more controlling and uptight than Chandler, but in some ways less practical and more emotion-driven. They make an interesting couple that works surprisingly well, who manage to balance out each others’ strengths and weaknesses nicely.

Steven Universe: Ruby and Sapphire - ESTP & INFJ

The OTP to end them all, Ruby and Sapphire are an interesting case of opposites attracting. They have the exact inverted functions of each other, Se-Ti-Fe-Ni, and combine to form the ISTP Garnet. Ruby is impulsive and Sapphire sees the future. Ruby is aggressive and Sapphire patient. They’re a great match, though potentially volatile since they’re so opposite and yet so similar. It makes crazy sense for characters with inverted functions to form a permafusion.

Harry/Ginny (ISFP/ESTP)

Everyone has a HP OTP, it seems, and mine is HG. These two have a pretty classic MBTI romance combination - both SP artisans, who like living in the moment and are often impulsive. Harry is more emotional and broody and Ginny is more logical and practical. One interesting point that I think makes these two compatible is that Harry’s Fi makes him hard to talk to and comfort easily; it takes someone with extraordinary tact and patience to get him to communicate, and Ginny has that as a Ti/Fe user - a strong perception of others’ needs. Makes them pretty perfect for each other.

Swarkles Robin/Barney (ISTP/ENTP)

These two have a rather unusual combination of MBTI - Both high Ti users but different perceiving functions. Robin, the ISTP, is a clear pragmatist who has difficulty with emotions. Barney is a big idea guy who bounces from one thing to the next endlessly, with the philosophy that new is always better. Both are a bit on the impulse, fun-loving side in this case, making for a very whacky couple with lots of sitcom adventures. Favorite line between them: “I’m such a mess, why do you even like me?” “I guess cause you’re almost as messed up as I am.”

Buffy/Faith (ESFP/ESTP)

Time to put my Buffy-verse OTPs out there! Once upon a time, I did ship Spuffy, but I’ve turned to the Fuffy side of things as time went by. Anyway, Buffy and Faith are both Se noms who love action and living in the moment. This goes badly for them in “Bad Girls” but there is a certain degree of mutual understanding between two Se doms. The difference is their T/F functions - Faith is utilitarian and Buffy inwardly moral. However, as the series goes on they come to a better understanding of each other. I always enjoy their chemistry, even if they don’t get to be canon.

Angel/Cordelia (ISFJ/ESTJ)

My biggest Buffy-verse OTP, one most people don’t get into without seeing the spinoff show Angel. But Cangel has my heart. I love slow-burn friendship ships. Anyway, the MBTI. Both strong Si users, but with a nice balance between them; Angel has the ideals and empathy that influence Cordelia to be a kinder person with his Si/Fe;  Cordy has the grounded practicality to keep Angel from disappearing into broodiness, and they balance each other out perfectly for the first 3 seasons of the show. Definitely love this one and always angry at Whedon for not letting it happen.

Daria/Jane (INFP/ISFP)

Don’t know if  y’all have seen Daria, but check it out of you have the time. It’s great. Anyway, another one with two of the same dominant functions: Both Fi’s. This means they’re both highly moral introverts who love artistic expression but struggle with expressing feelings aloud. That’s Daria and Jane, all right. The contrasting perceiving functions show in how Jane is more willing to engage in the world and give stuff (cheerleading at one point) a try, while Daria is more hesitant and less engaged. I do ship them - they’re best friends and the show wasn’t shy about teasing them. Noncanon ship here.

Clois - Clark Kent/Lois Lane (ISFP/ESTP)

I love these two in any incarnation - I’m a sucker for bickering friends to lovers - but my favorite is Smallville. The same MBTI makeup as Harry/Ginny earlier - I guess I like this combination. Again, part of what makes it work is the similar perceiving functions, but nicely balanced TF opposites. FI can get a little brooding and introverted on itself, while Ti/Fe can sometimes become too pragmatic and insensitive, so they help each other out in a lot of ways. Something about Clark/Lois just works for me - another pairing of a sweetheart dreamer and a snarky pragmatist who bicker because they care.

Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy (ESFP/ENFJ)

My favorite incarnation of these two is the animated series version - they have such great chemistry there and Timm says they are canon here. Anyway, this combo is rather frequent in fiction, ENFJ often paired off with high Se users for some reason. Ivy as the ENFJ has a lot of tact, perception and motherly behavior that helps her sweet-talk and care for the impulsive and damaged Harley. Harley, the ESFP, has a certain knack for connecting to others, and helps Ivy avoid becoming too misanthropic, since Ivy kinda hates humans in general. Great pair of wicked gal pals.

Frasier’s Niles/Daphne (INFJ/ENFP)

One of my rare pairings with complete opposite functions. But in some ways my very first OTP. They’re both Intuitive dominants, dreamers with their minds in the clouds, who are attracted to each other but take forever to act on it in any way. Both are emotionally driven - Niles outwardly, Daphne inwardly - with strong personal ethics; tertiary Thinking functions, and inferior Sensing functions. They’re definitely opposites attract, but with a caveat of perfectly aligning functions. I love this ship so damn much; it’s such a great mix of hot chemistry and tender love.

Spider-Man and Mary Jane Watson (INTP/ENFP)

Peter and MJ have many different incarnations, with varying functions. The consistent seems to be that Peter uses some kind of Ti (ISFJ, ISTP, ESTP, INTP) and is usually an introvert, while MJ is an extrovert with a strong intuitive function (ENFP/ENFJ) or occasionally adapted into an ISFP. Either way, my favorite version is the comics, which lean towards the first interpretation. As an iNTP I get along well with the ENFPs in my life, but more importantly I love this pairing too. High Ne combo that sees the possibilities in the world, and the classic Ti/Te balance.

MCU Stucky - Steve/Bucky (ISFJ/ESTP)

I have some other MM slash pairs, but they’re mostly from anime so they’re not on this list. Anyway, Stucky. Both Fe/Ti users, with dominant sensing functions of different perceptions. Steve is more of a stick-to-it kinda guy, Bucky is more willing to try other options (this pops up a lot in their interactions, with Bucky suggestion different Paths and Steve not backing down. Who says Se’s are more stubborn than Si’s?). There is a great devotion between the two, though. I know it won’t be canon but that never stopped anyone from shipping before.

Gravity falls Dipper/Pacifica (INTJ/ESTJ)

Another noncanon one. This is a very unusual combo, I can’t think of many stories that even have these two types. Both are high Te users, which in this case practically guarantees a Bickering Sexual Tension kind of relationship. Both are pragmatic and long-term planners, with Dipper being an Ni-dom who overplans and over-thinks everything, Pacifica a strong pragmatist. Both are Type A’s with a lot in common, who learn from each other. His stronger Fi function helps her come to terms with her lower Fi, and act morally. It’s very sweet.

Parks and Recreation Andy/April (ENFP/INTP?)

I’m a little uncertain of April’s type, since I’ve seen lots of different typings for her across the board. My best guess for now is INTP. Another pairing I just adore, this time canon and married. They’ve got just a great balance, both being impulsive dreamers but one more openly affectionate and the other more reticent and practical. These two just work well together - balanced and loving and supportive. The strong Ne they both share (I think they do) makes for some great vague and impractical connections. I fell in love with this ship right away, as soon as my cousin showed me the episode where they move in with Ben.

CSI Grissom/Catherine (INTP/ESTP)

Grillows is another ship that I regret not being Canon, since they have some serious chemistry. Both are strong Ti users, practical and analytical, but with contrasting perceiving functions. He likes theories, she likes to go out and do. This creates that kind of contrasting Holmes and Watson style duo between them, though Grissom is not always right, and Catherine tends to balance out his more theoretical and distant attitude nicely. She can make mistakes too, like being too impulsive or emotional, but it always feels like there’s good points on each side.

Pride and Prejudice: Elizabeth/Darcy (ENFP/INTJ)

One ship that me and Charity (and let’s face it, most people) share. They just work so perfectly together. Two intuitive dominants with big ideas, similarly blunt Te manners of analyzing and addressing logic, and reticent Fi that makes it hard for them to just talk about their feelings. The journey from bad first impression to happy ending is so enthralling every time. Austen definitely created a timeless winner with this one.

[pcttrailsidereader]

Farewell to Angels

Eric Smith writes a much-deserved tribute to some extraordinary trail angels who are retiring from ‘angel-ing’ soon whose generosity has benefited countless PCT hikers.

By Eric Smith 

I learned recently that a a few of the most prominent and well known Trail Angels of the Southern California PCT were stepping back or retiring altogether, and it struck me that their absence signifies the end of an era, and will likely have a profound effect on most future through hikers. I attempted a through hike in 2018, and was fortunate enough to have encountered these amazing people who selflessly opened their lives and homes to thousands of people who try to walk the entire trail in a single season.  My experience was greatly enhanced by their generosity. To anyone who is not familiar with the idea of what a Trail Angel does, imagine incredible generosity and thoughtfulness offered by someone you’ve never met and who wants nothing from you in return.   Unfortunately in everyday life unsolicited kindness is not commonplace or expected, so to encounter so much of it on my PCT hike was a real eye opener. I have to admit that I had always been somewhat of a skeptic when considering the concept of altruism and doing something for your fellow human that did not in some way benefit the giver.  But even before I took one step on the PCT I was to learn just how wrong I was. Frodo and Scout

Barney (Scout) and Sandy (Frodo) Mann

Let me begin with Frodo and Scout (their original trail names), a couple living near San Diego who helped countless NOBO hikers begin their odyssey by arranging transportation from whatever depot (bus, plane, or train) the hiker arrived at to their home.  There they were welcomed with a place to stay and an inaugural dinner before driving them the next day a not insignificant distance to the trailhead on the Mexican border. Hiking the PCT is hard enough, but when you consider the logistics of just getting to the trailhead the help given by Frodo and Scout was invaluable. The amount of coordination and energy these folks put into assisting the “stranger in a strange land” was impressive, and they had managed to recruit and sustain an impressive amount of volunteers to coordinate all facets of the effort.  Looking back on my experience I can truly say that beginning my hike was almost too easy, as all I had to do to was show up, and they handled the rest. To show my appreciation I offered Frodo a donation to help with their operation.  He politely declined, and instead suggested I make a donation to the PCTA (the non-profit that helps administer the PCT in all facets).  I also recall Frodo making an impromptu speech during dinner about the increase in “hiker entitlement”. This occurs when those who offer help and assistance are taken advantage of by those who feel that just because they are through hiking the PCT this somehow makes them “special” and deserving of a free place to stay, rides to town, and being fed.  Most Trail Angels do what they do without expectation of a donation or any financial consideration, but at the very least you not take what is offered for granted.  Thanks to Frodo I had a better appreciation of what constitutes good through hiker etiquette. Carmen

My next significant encounter with a Trail Angel who no longer practices deliberate acts of kindness was in Julian at Carmen’s Restaurant.  I was supremely fortunate to come through when I did because in the spring of 2018 Carmen had already sold her business, and was waiting for the transaction to close.  In the interim she was allowing hikers to stay at her place, either on the patio or inside the café after it closed.

What I really remember most about the whole experience was two things:  First, Carmen had hung a banner on the railing in front of the business which proudly stated “Hiker Trash Welcome”.  The second was that after shutting down for the day she allowed upwards of 30 people to just camp out in and around the café, displaying absolute trust in complete strangers who had access to the property after she went home.  That my friends is what we call "above and beyond". Hiker Heaven

In much the same way as Frodo and Scout took the Trail Angel ethos and industrialized it, the Saufleys hosted an oasis in the desert of Agua Dulce called Hiker Heaven.  On their property they created a combination Post Office, campground, shower and laundry facility, a haven from the relatively inhospitable environment surrounding them. They accepted resupply boxes and helped hikers to send “bounce” boxes from their converted garage, while also providing an endless supply of loaner clothes so filthy hikers could wash their stinky shirts, pants/shorts, socks, and underwear.  Outdoor showers helped wash miles of trail dirt from grungy bodies, and briefly improved the appearance and smell of legions of hikers. They also had a cadre of volunteers offering rides to and from town, which was welcome in that they were a few miles off the beaten path.   Although I did not stay with them I made a pit stop for the express purpose of cleaning my attire and person, and was extremely grateful for the opportunity.  I was also able to send a vital birthday card from the trail which otherwise would have required a visit to the Post Office. Casa De Luna

In many ways Terry and Joe of  epitomize just what makes the Trail Angel so special.  Like the others mentioned above, these good folks took it upon themselves to open their arms as wide as possible and tried to welcome every single through hiker to their place, season after season.  Having a unique manzanita forest as their backyard, hikers were given the chance to rest and recover while enjoying a variety of couches and loungers in the front yard. Casa de Luna

Evenings featured the signature “taco salad” dinner, where the required attire was the provided Hawaiian shirt, and after supper hikers were given the opportunity to dance for Terry to earn the coveted and highly sought after PCT bandanna.  She also had only one absolute requirement for those who came to stay – a simple hug.  In addition, a bedsheet hung in front of the garage to serve as a canvas for through hikers to record their visit – a visual trail register. Thank You As I encountered these incredible people, I always took a moment to express my gratitude for what they gave.  I hope others also said thank you.  Before I set off on the journey of a lifetime I had no idea people could be so gracious, caring, and generous.  Besides the obvious benefit of refuge, food, and simple luxuries like clean clothes, these amazing folks gave me another gift I had forgotten existed – the kindness of strangers. To all of you who helped make my experience so memorable, please accept my heartfelt gratitude and appreciation.  I know you’ve earned your rest, and I hope other PCT alumni join me in saying how meaningful your time, energy, and dedication was to them.  You will be missed.