#Practice: Theory is not enough for us. The program has lots of practical sessions for the learners to further their skills and techniques.

[expanding-our-channel-lineup]

Why RVR School of Photography is Your Gateway to a Thriving Photography Career

Introduction: Photography as a Career There is a huge market gap and in this gap the art of photography career has come up from being just a hobby to a fully fledged profession. Apart from media and advertisements, photography career  now have a significant opportunity in fashion and social media also. At the RVR school of photography, we focus on the development of such skills and taking enthusiastic photographers as our students, we convert them into professionals. Our students have already worked with TCS, Wipro, Times amongst others. This speaks volumes of our training and the changing perception of the employers towards our students.

1. The Growing Demand for Professional Photographers

It became quite apparent that there is an increased need for photographers not only for social functions or individual projects but rather for the e-commerce, media and fashion industries. As marketing experts seek to impress customers with great product photography, storytelling, and other visual elements, skilled photographers are in high demand. Demand for photographers has exploded virtually with the advent of the digital age. At the RVR school of photography, we take the students through the necessary training, which will encourage  them to built their photography career with all the needs to succeed as photographers in the current market situation.

2. Why Choose RVR School of Photography?

At RVR, we don’t only teach photography; we build photography career. This is what makes us unique:

Comprehensive Curriculum: In our courses, we start with the basics of photography and proceed to advanced editing, lighting, and image processing.

Industry Trained Faculty: Our teachers have more than just teaching as they have been active photographers themselves and know what it means to be in the profession.

Practice: Theory is not enough for us. The program has lots of practical sessions for the learners to further their skills and techniques.

Career Counselling and Job Placement: RVR pays particular attention to all students. Many of our students have received jobs in the companies that qualified them.

3. Courses Offered at RVR School of Photography

Our programs target all  photographers to buit there photography career  at all levels. That’s new photographers who want to acquire basic skills and professional ones who wish to perfect their skills.

 Beginner Photography Course: Photography course for beginners covers the fundamentals how to hold and use a camera, basic light, composition, and how to take pictures. This is an appropriate course for everyone who has never taken a photograph; hence, this course provides a good base.

Advanced Photography Course: In our Advanced Course, some students are equipped with more advanced skills in low-light techniques, portrait photography, and image retouching so that they will be able to manage more difficult work and high quality tools.

Specialized Photography Courses: We have organized specialized courses, such as Fashion Photography, Landscape Photography, and Wedding Photography that let the students develop much interest in the specific field of their choice.

Editing and Post-Production: Our courses on editing and post-production concentrate on industry-recognized tools such as Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Lightroom, and other similar programs. In this digital age, editing techniques are indispensable in content creation, and our students are well trained in those techniques.

RVR School: Paving the Way to Photography Excellence and Shaping the Future of Creative TalentBy Simran

4. Photography Career: Gain Real-World Experience and Build a Stunning Portfolio

In the same mindset, it is quite safe to say that a photographer’s portfolio is their visual CV, one of the most vital components needed to utilize their expertise and up to clients and or employers. At RVR School of Photography, we believe having an impressive portfolio is of utmost importance especially when starting a career as a photographer. 

Students of RVR have opportunities to participate in real product photoshoots, fashion editorials, etc, which are supervised by the instructors. These projects not only sharpen their practical skills but also prepare students to work in the real world where they have to please people, and complete the tasks given to them on time.

Such projects are led by instructors who are experienced practitioners in the industry and have mentored the students themselves through projects. They help the students with their feedback and how to use techniques that will help the students create an artistic identity that is uniquely theirs.

Also we encourage active learning through portfolios and conduct regular practice in fine al placement where students are given constructive feedback on their work. Feedback always highlights where the student is strong and where the student has room for growth so that the end product is always balance and professional.

5. RVR School of Photography Alumni Success Stories

Our students have to achieve great milestones by getting jobs in well-known companies such as TCS, WIPRO, TIMES, et cetera. These milestones achieved by some of our students bring glory to our school and prove that the training we provide has immense value in the field.

Some of our alumni who have been successful are:

Ravi Sharma: Worked with times as a corporate photographer and covered events of the high management.

Sneha Kapoor: Worked in the TCS marketing team and was involved in the creation of visuals for the campaigns.

Arjun Mehta: Worked as a fashion photographer in Wipro showcasing their apparel lines in the most appealing way.

These stories inspire our students and demonstrate the quality of training they receive at RVR.

6. Photography Career Skills You’ll Master at RVR School of Photography

The skills our students achieve go beyond the basics:

Mastering Composition: Composing a frame that tells a story with a thousand visual elements.

Lighting Techniques: Using natural and artificial lighting for accentuation and photography.

Editing Mastery: Students’ skills with tools such as Adobe Photoshop, Light room, and others.

Client Management: How to handle clients and their expectations and how to put them to fruition.

7. photography Career Paths After Completing a Photography Course

A degree from RVR School of Photography helps in getting various types of jobs:

Corporate Photographer: Photograph brand images, teams, events.

Fashion Photographer: Work with Brands, models, and designers.

Freelance Photographer: Own Photography business.

Media Photographer: Creative visual images for stories for newspapers, magazines.

With our guidance, students can tailor their skills to the path that suits them best.

8. How RVR School of Photography Supports Your photography Career

We don’t stop with the coursework only, it doesn’t end there. We help them to bulit their photography career:

Placements: With a reach over leading employers like TCS, Wipro and Times. We place students at the best jobs available. TCS, Wipro and Times

Networking Events: We provide events to the students where they meet potential employers and industry leaders (Photography).

Career Counseling: Counseling for photography career selection, for portfolio development, for interview skills etc.

9. Why Photography is a Lucrative Career Choice

Modern-day photography has reached unbelievable heights and most people have accepted it as an industry that encompasses numerous photography career opportunities. Photography career is self-employment, creativity and self actualization all in one package.

Consistently Develops:There is no industry today that does not have specialization in photography career. Companies reach out to professional photographers in other sectors such as marketing, advertising, content creation and social media. The same expertise is requested for events such as weddings, business meetings or product launches. It creates a continuous search for new talented professionals in detail work and creative design.

Different photography Career Opportunities:Several professional paths are available even when one has selected the field of phototgraphy. People of all skills and preferences: travel, fashion, wildlife, food, event and much more can all find their field in photography. Freelancers have freedom to select jobs, individuals focusing on photography career in occupations have a fixed salary and constant work.

Financial Stability and Growth:Would you consider photography career as an art or a business? For any professional photographer, it’s both. On the one hand, established photographers can offer a large range of services as well as find themselves to have long-term relationships with their clients. For instance, wedding photographers have good returns in each event during the busy season. On the other hand, commercial photographers working for top companies can receive good commissions on their projects as well.

Freelance Freedom:If you are one of those people that does not like having a boss, freelancing enables you to live a different lifestyle. A photographer who works on a one-off basis gets to select what project to work on, when to work, and how to sell themselves. This path of employment also means you can work with brands from a different country which means other markets always exist.

10. How to Apply to RVR School of Photography

Do you want to begin your photography career? The application to RVR is straightforward and needs no additional stress:

Look at our Site:  RVR SCHOOL OF PHOTOGRAPHY

Select the Desired Course: Review the courses we offer and select the course you want.

Utilize the Application to Apply: Complete the provided form with the required information.

Meet Our Team For An Interview: Here we evaluate your interest in pursuing photography career and your vision.

Our admissions team is here to help you through each step.

Conclusion: Start Your Photography Career with RVR School of Photography

Photography is not simply a play of light and chemistry, but rather a story, an imagination, and a moment that strikes the heart of many. A photography career is endless since it can either be an exploration of artistic vision or a stable and rewarding profession. RVR School of Photography offers world-class training that combines sound theoretical knowledge with practical experience to make sure our students are industry-ready from day one.

Our professional mentorship builds students’ technical abilities and the assurance that they can succeed in a competitive marketplace. We help them create a solid portfolio, which is the foundation of every successful Registrant photographer, and we prepare them for different photography career paths from freelancing to working with renowned companies.

Whether you aspire to be a fashion photographer, specialize in stunning landscapes, or focus on corporate and media photography, RVR School of Photography is the best starting point. Our graduates speak volumes about the quality of education we offer, as many have attained outstanding milestones in their photography career.

Keep your passion for photography as a hobby, or let it change your life. RVR School of Photography provides tailored mentoring, world-class infrastructure, and an energetic learning environment to help you make creative dreams a successful photography career.

So what are you waiting for? Take action today, and allow us to guide you in unlocking your potential and creating an enjoyable career in photography. Become a student at RVR School of Photography, and see your passion become a successful professio

[creature-wizard]

How Project Monarch fails the "Six Ways To Debunk Any Conspiracy Theory" sniff test

The 2017 article Six Ways To Debunk Any Conspiracy Theory lists six characteristics of conspiracy thinking that break down with a small amount of critical thinking. (I recommend reading the whole thing for yourself!)

If we compare the claims made about Project Monarch to the six items on this list, we can see that they meet five of the six items all six items, including:

No Leaks: The type of programming methods associated with Project Monarch have allegedly been practiced for at least seventy years in numerous countries (including but not limited to the US, the UK, Canada, Germany, and France) in all levels of society, yet no documents containing evidence proving its existence (such as documents containing alter scripts, programming and ritual protocols, programming session notes, alter access codes, and various memos) has ever been leaked.

Evidence Gap: Investigations of cases where we might expect to find evidence of Monarch-style programming have never found any such thing. If this was happening in the way people claim, we should expect at least some criminal investigations (including but not limited to investigations of child abuse, drug possession, and murder) to also uncover the aforementioned document types. We should also expect the more obvious programming tools and props (such as human-sized cages, ETC devices, ritual sites done up to look like UFOs or whatever, programming tapes and audio files, etc) to turn up in conjunction with such documents. And of course, we should be finding a lot more animal and human remains, with all of the ritual sacrifices they're supposedly performing.

Inconsistent Capabilities: Believers claim that programming cults are so hypercompetent that can hide or destroy all physical evidence of their existence, and apparently never place any digital literature on unsecure devices or file servers. Yet they are somehow also so inept that they can't stop all of these alleged victims from telling everything to their therapists, writing and publishing books, and from posting online. (They've apparently never heard of stalkerware, or at least not allowing someone to use the Internet without heavy supervision.)

Prediction Horizon: The alleged triggers that supposedly force different alters to front or activate specific programming are often extremely commonplace stimuli, including (but not limited to) simple colors, patterns, and images (for example, the image of a specific flower), common phrases (for example, "I called to see how you're feeling") and common gestures (for example, clasped hands).

It would be impossible for programmers to prevent their victims from coming across many of these triggers by pure happenstance, because they simply can't predict or control other people's behavior on a large enough scale. They can't know or control, for example, when the pop song they've used as a trigger will play on the radio in a store, or when the neighbor will suddenly decide to plant a bed of daisies, or when a bank teller will wear a blue silk shirt. And considering some of the roles alters are allegedly programmed for, things would get really awkward really fast.

Method-Goal Mismatch: Monarch-type programming is still allegedly practiced today because numerous cults and abusive groups want perfectly compliant, obedient people. But the methods they are claimed to use are both extraordinarily risky and effort-intensive, and ultimately do not appear to be more rewarding than conventional methods of indoctrination, manipulation, and generally limiting a person's capacity to exercise autonomy (such as deprivation of education, funds, and legal papers).

Unfalsifiable: Failure to locate hard evidence of Project Monarch or Monarch-like practices are attributed to the alleged hypercompetence of the cultists, government agents, etc. When the question of why neighbors, teachers, doctors, etc. didn't notice anything strange comes up, believers claim they're all cultists or agents. Records that contradict claims of ritual abuse are claimed to be falsified. Obviously impossible events described by patients are simply chalked up to confusion from drugged states. Numerous books in favor of this conspiracy theory assures us that denying abuse or admitting to your therapist that you fabricated your claims is further evidence of programming.

In conclusion, while we know that Project MK-Ultra existed, claims of Project Monarch's existence and the widespread, even systemic practice of the techniques it alleged developed are easily demonstrated as nothing more than conspiracy theories.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

one week into my 15-week busy period, 14 to go! i say 15 because that gets me to christmas - i always take christmas to new year’s off, not that people usually want tutoring that week anyway - but in reality some of my current 11 students will drop as early as late october (the SHSAT only kid) or early november (the younger kid whose parents are hoping to get it over with), and once december hits the load will lighten week by week. i am very busy due to my unfortunate sudden pressing need to start digitizing my materials, which tragically really does make everything so much better although also has made me realize i probably should invest in an ipad without a cracked screen sooner rather than later, and also because my other freelance gig is in the last legs of its current project and i’m not quite sure when it will start up again, so i’m trying to get a few more hours on that while i can in the remaining time available. including time spent highlighting pdfs on my ipad while catching up on industry, i worked a little over 42 hours this week, which i recognize is normal as a workload but is a lot for me at this stage of my life, lmao (and also, in fairness to me, does not include things like time spent commuting from session to session excluding any time spent working on the train, even though if i had a workday for a Job that started in one place and ended somewhere else i would consider that all part of how much i worked).

i’m a lot less stressed than i was this time last year, partly because i’ve figured out my workflow better, partly because last year i was really trying to second-gig myself out of a tight financial spot which is not the case this year (unless i have really miscalculated things tax-wise… but like i’m pretty sure. lol). in theory i really want to get to being like a week ahead in terms of prep work (the dream is to prep for the next session with a kid the day after i meet them), but in practice it is sunday night and i am going to bed not prepped for monday’s sessions, so… we’ll see. i am sort of cheerfully ignoring most things that are not work but i did have a nice lunch with a friend this week & a nice afternoon at home yesterday & i did work out 5x this week. (i decided to try out a schedule where my fitfluencer of choice’s programmed rest days fall on fridays and sundays and so far it works psychologically very well for me…) a while ago i cleaned my room when it seemed very messy and it only took me about a half hour and i was heartened by that since it seemed like i have enough of a System for stuff now that even the messiest option is really not so bad and thought i might use that as motivation to clean my room more often since it probably won’t really take that long but instead i have mostly used it to feel more peaceful with how messy my room is lol.

[stockmarketinstitute01]

Master Advanced Trading Techniques With Derivatives Trading Course From ICFM To Succeed In Today’s Volatile Markets

Why a Derivatives Trading Course is Essential for Modern Traders Navigating Complex Financial Instruments Professionally

In today’s fast-paced and unpredictable financial markets, it is no longer enough to understand just equities or basic trading concepts. Professional traders, analysts, and serious market participants must master more sophisticated tools like derivatives. Derivatives—primarily futures and options—are used not just for speculation, but also for hedging and risk management, making them a vital part of modern trading strategies. However, due to their complexity, entering the world of derivatives without proper knowledge can lead to losses. That’s why a structured Derivatives Trading Course is essential. This is where ICFM - Stock Market Institute comes into the picture. Known for its practical training and real-time exposure, ICFM offers the most comprehensive Derivatives Trading Course designed for both beginners and experienced traders. The program delivers the skills, strategies, and confidence required to trade in derivatives with precision and discipline.

ICFM’s Derivatives Trading Course Combines Theory, Strategy, and Live Market Practice for Real Career Growth

What sets ICFM - Stock Market Institute apart is its deep focus on practice-based learning. The Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM goes beyond classroom lectures and introduces students to the real market environment from day one. Learners begin with the fundamentals—understanding what derivatives are, how futures and options work, and why they’re used by investors and institutions alike. As the training progresses, students are taught to read option chains, calculate premiums, evaluate intrinsic and time values, and develop hedging strategies. But this is not just about theory. Students at ICFM are actively trained on live trading platforms where they analyze charts, place trades, monitor risk, and adapt their strategies in real-time. The Derivatives Trading Course from ICFM ensures that each participant not only learns how to trade but learns how to think like a trader. With mentorship from market experts, students develop a sharp analytical mindset that helps them understand market behavior and react with speed and confidence.

Understanding What You Gain from the Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM

When you enroll in the Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM, you gain access to a curriculum that is completely aligned with current market demands. The course is structured to cover a wide range of essential topics including types of derivatives, margin requirements, lot sizes, options pricing models, and the Greeks—delta, gamma, theta, and vega. These concepts form the backbone of every successful derivatives strategy. Students also learn to build complex strategies like iron condors, straddles, strangles, and calendar spreads, which are essential for navigating different market conditions. Importantly, ICFM ensures that each strategy is explained in the context of actual market movements. Through real-time examples and trading sessions, the Derivatives Trading Course becomes an experiential journey rather than a theoretical one. Students also receive continuous performance feedback and guidance on refining their approach, allowing them to build long-term consistency in their trading style. The course concludes with students ready to trade independently, backed by real knowledge and real experience.

Why ICFM Is the Most Trusted Institute for Derivatives Trading Course in India

ICFM - Stock Market Institute has built its name on quality education, real-market relevance, and expert faculty. Its Derivatives Trading Course stands out because it is taught by professionals who have traded derivatives for years and understand the risks and rewards intimately. These instructors don’t just teach—they share proven strategies, personal insights, and techniques that are currently working in the market. The course is conducted in small batches to ensure personalized attention, and every student is given access to live data terminals and advanced charting tools. This gives them the kind of exposure typically reserved for institutional traders. Additionally, the institute supports students with career guidance, trading internships, and pathways to certification, making the Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM not just a short-term learning experience but a gateway to long-term financial careers. Whether you want to become a full-time trader, work in a financial institution, or simply understand derivatives better, ICFM provides the perfect platform to grow.

Who Should Take the Derivatives Trading Course and What Opportunities It Creates

The Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM is ideal for students who have completed their 12th, graduates, working professionals, business owners, and anyone with a passion for trading. For beginners, it offers a structured entry into one of the most lucrative financial instruments available. For experienced traders, it helps refine strategies and avoid common mistakes. The course opens doors to multiple career paths. Graduates can work as equity or derivatives dealers, research analysts, proprietary traders, or even pursue roles in brokerage houses, investment firms, or financial consultancies. Some ICFM students choose to become independent traders, using their newly acquired knowledge to generate income by managing their own capital. The comprehensive understanding gained through the Derivatives Trading Course also acts as a stepping stone for further financial certifications like NISM, CFA, or FRM. No matter the background or goal, anyone committed to learning can benefit from ICFM’s professional guidance in this advanced trading course.

Learn to Trade With Confidence Through ICFM’s Derivatives Trading Course and Build Long-Term Market Skills

A major advantage of the Derivatives Trading Course at ICFM is its focus on mindset development. The course does not just teach technical setups—it builds emotional strength, patience, and discipline, which are key to success in derivatives trading. The instructors at ICFM ensure students understand not only how to place a trade but also when to stay out of the market. This trader’s mindset is what truly separates successful traders from the rest. Over time, students begin to build their own trading systems and frameworks, customized to their risk profile and goals. By combining deep technical knowledge with psychological conditioning, ICFM ensures that each participant becomes a self-sufficient and confident trader. The Derivatives Trading Course empowers students to view the markets logically and respond strategically rather than emotionally. That is the kind of transformation that leads to sustainable growth in the financial world.

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If you’re ready to take your trading skills to the next level, the Derivatives Trading Course offered by ICFM - Stock Market Institute is the right choice. With a curriculum rooted in market reality, expert mentorship, and real-time trading practice, this course prepares you for success in one of the most powerful segments of the financial markets. Learn from the best, practice with the best, and become the best. Let ICFM guide your journey into the world of derivatives trading—professionally, confidently, and successfully.

https://guestpostingwebsite.com//Derivatives-Trading-Course-6709

[rigelmejo]

A more measured take, for language learners who are intermediate and above, who discover ALG and want to try it, might be simply:

If you like the ideas in Automatic Language Growth theory, go ahead and extensively listen and extensively read things you understand for a while. If you understand very little material for native speakers, go use Comprehensible Input Lessons, Podcasts made for Learners, and Graded Readers for a while. I think most of the benefits intermediate learners are hoping for, when they stumble upon ALG, could equally be achieved by just following the part of ALG that says "have a lot of experiences in the target language you understand." You can do that by just putting in more hours of practice extensive listening and extensive reading. More hours Practicing understanding things you've learned. (Other activities that can give you more time practicing what you've learned include crosstalk, speaking sessions in libraries with others, talking with tutors, any conversations/writing with others where you get to practice understanding others).

And if you want to test out ALG's more specific claims and if they'll be useful to you, then have a silent period, stop analyzing the language mentally, stop using translations, and stop using explanations in another language, for a while. See if the claims ALG has of doing those specific things, has any benefit for you or not.

My point is, I think if you stumbled on ALG you can take the parts of ALG that seem useful for you and leave the rest. If you are not a total beginner, then you already probably have an idea of what study activities work for you - so you probably don't need to throw out your whole study plan, you could just... test one ALG element at a time, and only do what's useful for you. If you are a total beginner, I understand just following your teacher's/program's directions exactly, so you have a better chance of getting the results other students who already did the program got. So if you found ALG as a total beginner, its fine to just keep sticking to it instead of changing one's study plan greatly, if you're hoping to get similar results to someone who's done ALG longer than you.

(Also a good idea in general, to base your study plan off of people who have 1. Already achieved similar goals to you/the goals you want to reach. 2. Achieved goals similar to yours, in ways you also enjoy studying. If you copy what they did, you know at least for them their study plan worked, so it Might work for you. No guarantees of course. But if you have NO clue where to start, copying what a person who succeeded did is a good place to start. Even better if you are SURE they've succeeded at your goal, and if they're not marketing some product... I say this because - especially in some language learning communities - I see some people learn some stuff in a language then sell resources they made to get people to A1 or A2 and market it as enough to achieve what the seller can do, even though it's not always. Or they sell one resource just to achieve "conversational skills" or "basic kanji recognition" and claim their one resource will make you fluent, but their resource doesn't actually teach you ALL the things and skills you would need for your particular goals.)

Also as always, these are just my ideas. Ultimately do whatever you want.

[shoutabe]

TAKE A CHANCE

—

“hey, would you like to check out this program? i think you might have a lot of fun!” a random student on the street stops you, handing you a bright yellow flier and giving you little room to say no. they seem harmless enough, so you accept the sheet, maybe with the intention of tossing it out at the next available garbage can. but you can’t help but take a look at it anyway.

FREE! 

choreography workshop at korea national university of arts (KNUA). 

one week only. participation is limited.

the department of choreography would like to invite you to our community choreography workshop. this intensive, weeklong course, hosted by KNUA’s own department of music composition faculty, will go over the basics of body expression, a crash course in different genres and styles of dance, and the theory behind what makes a good performance. at the end of the session, participants will be able to record a short performance of their own creation with student dancers from our department.

this class takes place monday through saturday, 4:30pm-10:30pm.

the workshop is free and seems to offer skills that might be useful to you someday. at the very least, it seems like something that might be fun! and recording a performance alongside semi-professional dancers? who cares if they’re still students, you’re aware of the reputation of the university and figure that it’s a good thing to have in your portfolio anyway.

taking this class is a rather intense time commitment, though. it’ll occupy most of your free time for an entire week, leaving little availability for other activities. if you usually practice another skill, it may need to be neglected in favor of this workshop for a short time. it’s so easy to lose abilities, but you eventually decide that the class is worth it.

you register for the class just in time. a confirmation email is sent to you, welcoming you to the program and letting you know to arrive early at 4:00 monday for a brief introduction before the class finally begins.

OOC:

thank you for redeeming your chance token! your muse now has 0 chance tokens remaining.

please post this prompt (even without a response) within a week of receiving it. the point changes from the prompt must be applied to your points sheet even if you do not write a response.

INSTRUCTIONS: 

respond to this prompt with a solo of any length about your muse’s experience at the choreography workshop. note that wannabe does not currently track any official “choreography claims” for choreos created by muses, but you are more than welcome to use existing choreography as inspiration and comparison as long as the dance is not by one of our canon artists.

no form is necessary to submit to the points verification blog, but please publish this submission and link to this post on your points sheet.

please tag this post and your solo (if posted separately) with #be:takeachance.

POINTS RECEIVED:

+3 CHOREOGRAPHY

+3 DANCE

POINTS LOST:

note that skills points cannot go below zero; if you have less than 2 points in any category, please set it to 0.

-2 RAP

-2 SINGING

[y2klostandfound]

Sony PLM-A35 Glasstron on PC Format (2000-11)

Translation in English:

Take a properly folded 507 monitor

and put it in your pocket...

WE ARE LOOKING FOR A TRUE GIFT Among SONY's video and multimedia accessories, a device that is as much a technical curiosity as a convenience. The Glasstron glasses are more than just something to wear for a night's reading, but anyone who thinks they're just another gaming controller or VR device is mistaken. The similarity ends there, as this device also has two small screens, but each with a resolution of 180 000 pixels. The question may arise, if it is not a toy, then what is the main function of the new glasses. According to the manufacturer, Glasstron provides a picture as if you were watching a 52" screen from 2 meters away - this is roughly twice the size of large 72 cm TVs. In this case, the story is not about games, but about movies, DVDs and videos. Accordingly, in addition to the high-resolution screen, the glasses also feature a high-quality, built-in dynamic stereo sound system that can be used with two headphones. The Glasstron has traditional composite and S-Video inputs and can display any image that can provide a signal for them. for home video or DVD set, digital camera and camcorder, PlayStation, as well as a computer with a suitable video output. This can be done by an ordinary TV, and for the same price you can get a pretty nice piece, even if it is not from the top category. The question is whether in what cases can glasses costing approximately HUF 200,000 be a good choice compared to a large-screen TV - for example, anywhere and anytime, where and when we don't have a suitable TV set or monitor. If you need an everyday example, the best is a long plane or train journey: 14 hours in a trying session can be quite boring. The traveling manager of our time, on the other hand, just pulls out the portable DVD from the depths of the crocodile skin reticle, connects the Glasstron, which also works from the power supply, and the ideal home theater set is ready. A non-ordinary example would be a photojournalist recording a jungle fight, who can view the material recorded during a long day in good quality in the evening for further selection, without having to carry around a large monitor in his pocket.

After a lot of theory, practice. The Glasstron was supplied with a bunch of different cables, so it was not difficult to connect it to any of the already listed compatible devices, and the live test could immediately follow. Where possible, we used the S-Video input of the glasses for better image quality. The effect is quite convincing, since the barely 1.5 cm screens - since they are located very close to the eyes - fill almost the entire field of vision.

The quality of the movies I watched was also satisfactory, although it was undeniably visible on the screen that it does not provide as sharp an image as a monitor, since the resolution is only 800x225 pixels. This is not such a big problem for moving images, but it can cause problems when separating fine lines, such as text. This resolution was still more than enough to read the subtitles of the Mátrixr DVD, for example, but when we connected the glasses to a computer, there were already problems with sharpness. We tested the usability of Glasstron at several resolutions - the games, for example, worked quite well, but when the text was important, there were already problems: we could comfortably run programs only from the icons on the desktop, since the Start menu was quite noisy. We also ran Word as a basis for comparison, and the 16-point letters were clearly legible on the glasses' LCD at a resolution of 640x480.

The sound of the two earphones was crystal clear during the movies, and the music DVD also sounded in impeccable quality, the built-in AVLS (Automatic Volume Limiter System - Automatic volume control system), which cuts off unpleasant volume spikes that lead to distortions.

The system can provide a really effective film edge, ex. in a comfortable armchair, first, in a staked room. While we're at it, let's talk about comfort. Glasstron is surprisingly light, the weight of 95 grams is dwarfed by old VR helmets, so there would be no obstacle to longer use of the screen. However, there was a unanimous opinion that the Glasstron is quite tiring for the eyes: after half an hour it was nice to have a rest, some people thought it was comfortable for even less time the glasses.��

The manufacturer also warns about the strain on the eyes, which is why it does not recommend using the device under the age of 15. The last point of comfort is also important, mobility. Glasstron can be operated both from the mains (it supports several voltages, so it can be used in any country) and from a rechargeable battery. The whole device is light even with the power supply, so it is really comfortable to carry.

Glasstron will certainly be a rather expensive toy for the few, as it can only compete with a large-diameter monitor or TV screen under special circumstances. However, one inevitably stops for a moment to marvel at the technology used: the glasses are feather-light, yet provide excellent sound and convincing image quality, all in a space the size of a vest pocket.

Although it does not protect against the sun, it is just right for DVD

One inevitably stops for a moment to marvel at the technique used.

Pros and cons:

√ Amazing size √ USB connection √ Picture and sound quality X dazzling X For how much?

Opinion: 84%

[nebulablakemurphy]

The Red Room

Summary: Meeting Yelena in the red room is the best and worse thing that’s ever happened to you. Warning: romantic Yelena x Fem!reader pairing and depictions of violence.

Those first weeks in the red room pass in a blur. You have one room. Just you. Meals are delivered like clockwork; no one speaks to you. Your only company being the television set that plays the same clips; morning, noon and night.

Until one day the lights flip on brightly above you and a woman enters. You squint up at her, “hello?”

“Hello.” She replies, “are you ready to get out of here?”

“Where will I go?” You wonder.

“Wherever I tell you.”

That is your first encounter with Madame B. When you were younger you thought her something of a savior. You know better now. Still when she calls for you, there’s no choice but to go.

You make your way down the long hall, florescent lights humming above you. Finally reaching the room you’ve been assigned; you grasp the door knob. Feeling the weight of the cool metal against your palm, with a steadying breath you turn it.

Inside is only Madame B and a girl. One you’ve only seen in passing, one of Dreykov’s favorites.

“Y/N, meet Yelena. She will be your partner from now on.” Madame B leads the introduction.

“Did something happened to Oksana?” Your brows pull together, voice small. Afraid to cross an unspoken boundary. She’s always been your partner.

“Oksana is no longer your concern.” The woman bites out. “Shake hands and prepare for your lesson.”

You nod, biting your tongue.

Lesson…

Sparring.

Dancing.

Captive simulations.

What will it be this time?

“Oksana is ok.” Yelena tells you, once the trainer is out of earshot.

“Good,” you whisper, holding your hand out to shake without another word.

“Is that why they kept you locked up so long? You don’t play well with others?” The blonde takes your hand, eyes narrowed into slits.

“I don’t play at all.” You inform her. Pleasing these people is your ticket out of here, and you will get out.

“Everybody plays, whether you want to or not.” Yelena tells you, letting your fingers slip from hers. “Just don’t get in my way.”

——————————————————————-

You don’t get in each other’s way. Somehow having Yelena as a combat partner is a lot less annoying than you anticipated.

Oksana is a better friend, but you aren’t here to make friends. You’re here to kill. Topple regimes from the inside out, Yelena helps you do that.

Your training with Yelena is different. Chipping away parts of you until you fit together seamlessly. From trust falls to synchronized attack plans, you name it you do it. Sometimes until you bleed.

One of your trainers, Ivan, has taken a liking to blind folded direction. Outside of captive simulations it is your least favorite team building activity.

You remind yourself to focus and breathe. In some ways guiding is worse than being guided. “Veer slightly to your right.”

Yelena lifts one bare foot, holding it airborne, allowing you to assess the placement of her next step. “Here?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, as she clears the bit of shattered glass. “That’s perfect.”

———————————————————————

Your first real assignment comes on Monday, June second.

“Come in, Miss American Pie. I have eyes on the target.” Yelena informs you through the ear piece.

“That’s still not my name, over. Stay high, I’m going down.” You reply, deploying your rope and riding it to the ground.

“Five ticks northwest and the package is yours.”

“Copy.” You follow her instruction, ducking away as a bullet shatters the window beside you. “Easy.” You chastise, in a hushed whisper.

“Sorry,” she apologizes half heartedly. The kill was necessary and she had a clean shot.

You spot your target, ready to turn onto the main street from the alleyway. You wrestle him to the ground, he puts up a good fight. Not good enough.

You wipe the blood from your hands before removing the usb drive from his breast coat pocket. “Just admit it,” you taunt, turning to the building Yelena is scoping from, “you’re proud of me.”

“Y/N!” Her tone is not playful at all.

What’s wrong? Before you get a chance to ask the man you’d assumed dead has his knife buried in your thigh.

You crumple to the ground as he prepares to strike again. In the time it takes to unholster your weapon a silent bullet reaches his temple from the sky.

You squint up at Yelena, watching her ride her teether down to the ground beside you. “Thanks.” You pant, inspecting the damage.

“That was sloppy,” she frowns, searching her pack for the midkit, then tearing open a package of gauze. “You always check the body, confirm the kill.”

“I know, I was stupid.” You gasp, feeling Yelena apply an obscene amount of pressure to your wound.

“We need to move to the extraction point, they can deal with you in medical.” Yelena rises, tossing your arm over her shoulder for support.

“It won’t happen again.” You promise, leaning heavily against her side.

“You’re right, it won’t. I have no idea what happens to me if you die.” She grumbles, somewhat bitterly.

———————————————————————

Interactions with Yelena are sparse after that. She doesn’t trust you. Only showing up for your lessons and leaving the moment they’re finished. You understand why she’s angry, you would be too.

According to your weekly rotation, today should be live target practice, however you are directed to a different room.

Once inside your eyes find the chair. You hate that chair. You hate this room. Nothing good ever happens here.

Slowly you move toward Yelena at the far wall.

“A little birdie told me that you’ve been holding back in combat lessons.” Ivan says, tapping a finger to his chin. “Why is that?”

You bite anxiously at the inside of your cheek.

“I said why is that?!”

You notice Yelena flinch from the corner of your eye. “It’s my fault,” you hold up a hand. “I took a hit on our last mission and my partner was being mindful of my injuries.”

“Oh I see.” He smirks, condescendingly. “You don’t want to hurt each other.”

“It would be counter productive to harm my partner.” Yelena points out. The red room drilled that into you.

“That is true.” His eyes dart between you. “But we can’t have you afraid of sparring together. Now can we?”

Your jaw ticks, awaiting the consequence.

“When’s the last time you girls ran a captive simulation?”

“Two weeks ago.” Yelena presents her left index finger to him for inspection. The nail just beginning to grow back.

Ivan hums, “When’s the last time you ran a captive simulation on each other?”

Your heart drops, all the blood running out of your face. Not for months.

“Hmm,” he wets his lips. “Who gets to play the captor first?”

Neither one of you volunteer.

“Belova,” he purrs. “Come choose your tools while Y/L/N straps herself into the chair.”

You don’t hesitate, it’ll be worse if you do. Tuning out his incessant chatter you find your seat. The metal chair sends a chill up your spine. Bending at the waist, you strap each ankle into a leather restraint, then your non dominant hand. Free hand waiting, curled around the arm rest.

Yelena kneels before you, her selections resting at your feet as she closes the final strap around your wrist. Your breath quickens.

“Fifteen minutes on the clock then you’ll switch.” Your spectator announces. “Make them count or we’ll start over.”

On autopilot Yelena reaches for the scalpel.

You don’t mean to scream…but eventually you do. You always do.

———————————————————————

Yelena knows your weaknesses and regularly exploits them to leave you face up on the floor during hand to hand combat sessions.

You used to resent her for it, but it made you strong. Stronger than you’ve ever been or hoped to be. The day you finally best her the room is filled with hushed whispers. Now you are ready.

You learn to move in harmony. The trainers ease up a bit and the other girls line up to watch you like an exhibit. You are two halves of a more perfect whole.

“Madame B, can I ask you something?” You say, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“Of course.” The older woman replies. “What is it?”

“Why was my training so different with Oksana?”

She leans in. “You were not brought here to be a partner to Oksana. She was standing in until we could be sure you were ready for a partner. Nothing more.”

“Was I brought here to be Yelena’s partner?” The question burns at the back of your throat.

“I understand the desire to seek meaning in these things. You hope to find your place in the world.”

You nod.

“But you have no place in the world,” the words cut like a knife. “What you do have is an opportunity to prove that you are not a waste of space, time, or resources. Come, let’s sit for debriefing.”

You wait in silence for Yelena to arrive, finally she does. Taking the seat beside you in the meeting room.

“In two days you will undergo the graduation ceremony, after which you are granted up to three days recovery time before you will be deployed to Moscow.” Madame B reviews the information, handing you each a folder of details.

“Enclosed you will find your identification cards and aliases. I suggest you take this time to familiarize yourselves. Tomorrow we will begin shooting photographs for the past two years of your lives. Report with several changes of clothing. Congratulations on this assignmet. It is a great honor.” Madame B dismisses you.

You open the file. ‘Katherine and Irena Reiner.’

“We’re sisters?” Yelena guesses.

Worse. “We’re married.”

“Even better.” She says under her breath, rising from the chair.

———————————————————————

Life in Moscow is different. Good. The neighbors are easy enough to convince. You play your parts to perfection.

The company you work for being the main focus. They have access to some sort of programming that Dreykov is desperate to get his hands on. You know better than to ask why.

Most mornings you get ready together, discussing the events of the previous day to prepare for the next.

“How come you only speak English?” Yelena wonders, turning off the steady spray of water from her shower and reaching out to grab a towel.

“I have a theory,” you reply, spitting excess toothpaste into the sink. “I think keeping me dependent on translation had more pros than cons.”

“They taught me.” She says, stepping onto the bath mat. “But I guess that’s different.”

You were brought in much older a majority of the other girls.

Your eyes meet in the mirror, seeing each other as if for the first time.

“I could teach you.” She offers, breaking the connection as she turns away.

“Yeah?” You pass the brush through your hair.

Yelena shrugs, “I have nothing better to do.”

“Just don’t teach me the wrong words to make me look stupid.” You arch a brow.

“It would be counter productive to harm my partner.”

Hours turn into days. Days into weeks and suddenly you stand on a blurred line. How much is she pretending? How much are you?

The two of you rest on opposite ends of the couch. Enjoying another round of prime time television.

“Yesterday I was talking to that girl in accounting.” Yelena pulls your attention from the picture.

“The blonde one?” You ask, tossing a piece of popcorn at her.

She attempts to catch it in her mouth. Having had more than a few drinks her coordination is lacking.

You smirk, when it falls into her lap.

“No Maggie.” She corrects you, finding the wayward piece and biting into it.

“Mmm.” You hum.

“Mmm? What do you mean, ‘mmm?’” Yelena’s brows pull together.

“Nothing,” you insist. “I was just acknowledging what you said.”

“You didn’t sound very happy about it. Did she do something to you?” Yelena demands, straightening her posture.

“No, she didn’t do anything. Anyway tell me what happened.”

“She’s worked there for a long time. I think she knows more than she says she does.”

“So are you gonna talk to her again? See if she’ll open up?” Yelena has that effect on people.

“I am married.” She rolls her eyes, flipping her left ring finger in place of the middle.

“Shut up.” You chuckle.

“I’m crazy about you, know you. Ever since we met in high school. You didn’t like me at first but you came around.” Yelena elaborates.

“I don’t remember seeing all that in our cover story.” You cock your head to the side.

“That was a shit story, I’m rewriting it.” She waves a hand.

“Tell me more.” Tell me everything.

———————————————————————

“Did you get milk?” You shout, peeking into the nearest paper bag.

“Was it on the list?” Yelena hollers back, from the front door, kicking it shut. Her arms full of groceries.

“I don’t remember,” you say, unpacking the head of lettuce and eggs.

“You made the list.” She scoffs, setting the rest of the haul on the floor.

A knock pulls your attention away from the food.

“Who is it?” You wonder.

“It’s me, George. From next door.” Your neighbor answers.

Yelena rolls her eyes, waving you out of the kitchen. It’s your turn to make small talk.

You step carefully around the produce to the main entrance. “Hey George.” You smile, swinging open the door, “what’s up?”

“Katherine!” He greets you. “Could I borrow Irena for a minute?”

“Is that lawnmower giving you trouble again?” You guess, leaning against the door frame.

“It’s running great actually. There’s something else I’m curious about though.”

“I can send her over after dinner.” You attempt to dismiss him.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” George moves his foot to prevent the door from closing, producing a pistol from his waistband.

“George!” Yelena waves, clearly oblivious.

“Irena,” he looks down at the gun, pointed at your chest, “we have much to discuss.”

“Clearly.” Yelena agrees, coming to join you on the threshold. “Are you going to tell me why you have my wife at gunpoint?”

“We should take this inside.”

“I’m good here.”

He presses the barrel against your skin through the fabric of your shirt. “You sure about that?”

“On second thought, I could go for a drink. Do you like scotch?” Yelena takes a step back, leaving room for him to enter the house.

“Who sent you?” George demands, guiding you into the kitchen.

“We also have brandy.” She says, expression unreadable.

“Who are you working for?” He asks a second time, adjusting his grip on the gun. “First one goes in her leg.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yelena drawls. “But I’m going to warn you, if you hurt her, you die.”

“You have three seconds to give me a better answer,” the nuzzle of the gun sits flush against you upper thigh. “One, two-“

Yelena lunges, the gun firing into the floor when he’s knocked off balance.

George tosses her off as if she weighs nothing. You rush him, knocking the fire arm to the other side of the room. Your arms locked around his neck, flush to his back. He rams you back first into the china cabinet.

You fall away with a grunt.

“Now,” the man rights himself. Wiping away the blood from his split bottom lip with the back of his hand. “We’re going to have fun.”

Taking a fist full of your hair he begins pulling you toward the center of the room. You grab for a large shard of glass, slicing it over the back of this knee. He releases you, doubling over.

“I warned you.” Yelena snarls, stabbing her knife into his belly, making a straight line up to his sternum. “You thought you could use her to break me? They used to make me torture her! They used to make me-“ she breaks off, withdrawing her knife. Only to ram it in again and again.

George, if that was his real name, is long dead. A crimson puddle blooming on the floor. It doesn’t stop Yelena, hot, angry tears rolling past her cheeks.

“Yelena.” You say softly.

“They used to make me do it.” She repeats, the weight of the words crushing down on her.

Your arms envelope her from behind.

“No.” She sobs when she feels you there, holding exactly where it hurts.

“It’s ok.” You whisper against her ear.

The blood stained blade clatters to the ground. Her breathing ragged as both her hands find yours, squeezing tightly. Don’t let go.

“It’s ok.”

“No it’s not.” She cries, frantically shaking her head.

“I did it too.” As if she needs reminding. “They made me do it too.”

She allows you to stay curled around her, desperately trying to absorb some of that pain.

———————————————————————

Yelena’s drug of choice is alcohol, the spirits burn their way into her blood stream. Erasing all that she’s done.

“You want a glass?” She offers, setting the bottle of clear liquor down on the coffee table.

“No thanks.” You shake your head, hair still damp from the shower.

“Don’t be a hero,” she rolls her eyes as she takes a seat. The water had washed away any trace of George.

“Fine,” you take a long swig from the bottle in question.

“You’ll thank me later.” She tosses back a shot, sliding the strap of your pajama top down to assess the damage to your left shoulder. “It’s deep, going to need stitches. This is why we don’t go through china cabinets.” Yelena chastises, moving for the first aid kit.

“Yeah, not my finest moment.” You peek at her. “But it worked.”

“Mmm,” she hums, returning to her spot. Flipping open the white box and removing what she needs to stitch you up.

First she hits you with the antiseptic “сука!” Bitch.

“See,” you can hear the smile in her voice, “you are learning.”

You let out a pained laugh, “I guess I am. We need to call someone to clean this up.”

“Here,” she hands you her phone, blowing gently over you wound. “You take care of that, I take care of you.”

Your heart clenches at her words. But Yelena is your partner. That is all.

“Belova, do you have a status update?” A familiar voice answers after the first ring.

“Yeah, we need a cleanup.” You say matter of factly.

“Agent Y/L/N.” He greets you. “How many?”

“One.”

“For now,” The man remarks.

“You didn’t tell us we weren’t alone in this pursuit.” You purse your lips.

“There’s a reason we sent the best. I’ll put in for a clean up crew in the morning.”

“Let them know the body is in the bathtub.”

The goes dead.

The conversation distracts you well enough from the dull ache of the needle poking and pulling at your shoulder.

Carefully Yelena bandages the abused skin. Her finger tips running along the back of your arm.

“Thank you.” You whisper, relaxing into her touch.

Her lips ghost over your skin. “You’re welcome.”

Oh.

Slowly you turn, as if not to startle her. Yelena’s eyes find yours.

You move closer, tracing the line of her jaw. “Thank you,” you repeat.

She nods, still unsure.

“Of all the people I could’ve been stuck here with…I’m glad it was you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” She pulls your hand away gently.

“You’re right. I don’t have to say anything.“ You murmur, “But I want to… and it would be counter productive to harm my partner.”

“We can’t.” She knows it. You know it. “It will get in the way. They’ll kill us.”

“No.” You chuckle bitterly. “They’ll make us kill each other.”

“I wouldn’t do it,” Yelena insists.

“You won’t have a choice.” You point out. “Didn’t you hear about that stuff they started pumping into people?”

“Mind control.” Yelena replies in Russian.

“It’s only a matter of time.”

“Maybe we get out.”

“Maybe,” you smile sadly, “maybe we find each other.” In another life.

———————————————————————

Three days later Yelena comes home late. During your day off you were tasked with the more mundane tasks of running a household, but you suppose there are worse things. She finds you in the laundry room, drink already in hand. Her mouth set in a frown.

“What’s wrong?” You drop the piece of clothing back into the basket.

“I have it.” Yelena confesses.

You press your lips together, you knew this was coming. That information is the only reason you are here. “Did you contact them?”

“Not yet.”

“Are you going to?”

“You say that like I have a choice.” She stares down at her drink.

“I just meant-“

“I know what you meant.” Yelena knows you, better than anyone. The red room saw to that. “Do you want to stay one more night?”

“Do you?” You wonder.

“When I was a little girl…I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.”

“In the morning,” you offer. Any longer and the risk will be too great. “We’ll go in the morning.”

She nods, taking in the room around her. “I wanted it to be real.”

“It was.” You choke down the lump in your throat.

———————————————————————

Your return to the red room is swift. No pat on the back or celebration to be had. Just two pawns, returning to their places on the board.

You’re separated from Yelena. Because your loyalties are to each other and that poses a threat. But what did they expect? They made you this way.

You are alone. Perhaps the most alone you’ve ever been. Or maybe you’d just forgotten that you could feel things. You remember now and wish you didn’t.

Like it or not she changed you. Knowing her had changed you, for better or for worse. After Yelena you were never the same.

Word of Oksana’s escape only fuels the need to chemically alter the minds of all agents. Beginning in order of importance.

Finding Yelena seated on the bench outside the physician’s office steals the breath from your lungs. To see her now is blatantly cruel and calculated.

Still you sit in the empty space beside her.

“Do you know where your orders are?” She asks.

“Yeah,” you nod, “Budapest. You?”

“Back to Moscow.” Yelena informs you.

You swallow hard, your pinkies skating past each other.

“Agent Y/L/N,” the doctor opens his door. You watch as another widow exits, she doesn’t look any different. Maybe the mind control drugs aren’t affective.

You steal one last glance at Yelena. Her eyes are desperate, ‘don’t go.’ Both of you knowing you can’t stay.

“Enjoy Moscow.” You whisper, moving reluctantly to your feet.

She tears her gaze away, unable to watch you leave. “I hear Budapest is beautiful.”

You hope so.

Wanna know what happens next? Check out chapter one of Miss American Pie! 💜

Yelena Belova Taglist: @captainwonderwidow

[theselfcaresocialworker]

Intro P2

I wish I could tell you that I have always been good at self-care, have always managed symptoms of burnout gracefully and have been fine in a general sense. To say that would be lying and would further perpetuate the myth that therapists have their shit together. The journey that got me to where I am started way way back, but just for shits and giggles let’s go back to summer 2020.

It was June 2020 (which isn’t that far from when I wrote this in August 2020 and edited it in September). This was in the “middle” of the COVID-19 pandemic, I had been working from home for 3 months. I was in the most healthy and happy relationship of my life. I had a few awesome close friends. I was making good money, had time off (that I seldom took). I was in therapy and had worked through a fair bit of my own trauma. I had hobbies. I had a career I was objectively good at. I was knowledgeable, well read, and had good experience. All before I turned 30. I was also depressed, anxious, often triggered, down on myself, exhausted, passively suicidal, physically unwell… I dreaded doing anything related to my job. Worst of all, and I hate to say this, I didn’t care about my clients… I honestly couldn’t care anymore. The fucks to give were all gone, the proverbial well had dried out months ago. I felt helpless and hopeless about clients, about humanity. But... I was a strong social worker, and I just kept going, day to day, doing everything over and over and over. And over...

One day I had a client crying on the phone all I could think was, “Jesus. Fucking. Christ. You’re sad, I get it. Join the club, life sucks. Just shut up and do something about it.” I paused, disgusted, scared and frustrated with myself, “What the hell is wrong with me?! That’s not how I am supposed to think about this! I am not that person; I am supposed to care! Why don’t I care?!” Since I was in the middle of the session, I had to contain that all and pull my shit together and finish the appointment. Once it was done and I hung up the phone, I stared into space and tried to process what was happening to me. It felt like I started to wake up to what was happening to me; I started to see that I was beginning to make mistakes and only just catching them before it turned into a big deal. I wasn’t offering my best services. I was on autopilot.

I did what any good social worker does, I talked to my clinical supervisor. I told them bluntly and with vulnerability, what was happening and how I felt. I was very honest and open, hoping for some validation, some empathy, care. What I got was a “lecture” about what I already knew. They regurgitated everything I had already read and researched, but not even in an educated way or with any thoroughness. It was almost offensive how poorly it was delivered.  

Anyways. There I was feeling all the things, not getting much, if any, help with them. Knowing that I had to do something, I worked on why I must have been feeling that way, how it had happened, what had gotten me to that point. I read articles and books, talked to my colleagues and friends. I knew in theory how to work on my symptoms, and what to do. I still have this treatment plan in my head (like I said, I am writing this awfully close to when this all happened, so I am not indeed out of the proverbial woods just yet). I just couldn’t do it. No one had ever taught me how to do the internal work I would need to do as a therapist, no one had told me what to expect internally. I realized I had gone into this work, eyes closed tight and here I was seeing the reality of this work, what it had done to me, and what I had done to myself several years in. I started clearly seeing the wear and tear it has had on my psyche, my emotions, on me as a person.

Let’s take a few steps back. To be clear. How I got to this point was not completely the fault of “the field”. Like I alluded to earlier, I have my own baggage and trauma which has heavily influenced what makes me, me. This has also played a big role in WHY I chose this work.

The following section is from a personal journal entry in December 2019.

It has always been my job to help others. Even as a young child I was a natural at making myself small, having fewer needs, being independent in order to be less of a burden. I learned that in order to earn my keep, be worthy of anything, I needed to do something for someone. What came naturally as a deeply sensitive person was helping, listening, and feeling for others. I got so good at it that I made a career out of it.

I learned so many basic counseling and social work skills within the first ten years of life that when I finally got into graduate school I was made in the shade. I was a natural, it came easily. I think the assumption is that when a grown adult goes into a graduate program, they have a more or less well-rounded, healthy set of skills upon which to build. I didn’t have that, this was a huge issue moving forward. I knew how to handle living with this set of skills on a small scale, with friends and family. NOT as a professional. The problem was that I was not well balanced or well-rounded as a person and I was so good at “social working” that I just jumped in eager to help, to fill a purpose. I didn’t have a whole other set of skills that are needed in the field like setting boundaries, self-advocacy, self-care, etc. that are expected when you are an adult.

What happened was that I jumped into this disaster of human misery thinking that I was made in the shade, I have been doing this my whole life, but had no protective gear. It’s a whole different ball game to provide mental health care full time for 8 or more hours a day; it's nothing like being the friend everyone talks to. You are in a fucking ecological disaster. Some people have protective gear, they have the boundaries, they can advocate for themselves, they have a healthy sense of self or whatever. But there I was without boots, a jacket, or whatever else you might fucking need in a god damn disaster zone. Of course I got infections in the cuts one will inevitably get, of course I was coming home covered in goop and never really being able to get it all out from my hair and under my fingernails. I never learned otherwise, and no one prepared me.

I started realizing going to and graduating from school was like I had researched and learned about everything I could about some sort of ecological, environmental disaster (think BP oil spill, Chernobyl, poisonous lakes). I knew about the local and global ecosystem, I learned about the plants, the animals, I learned about why it was a travesty. I was ready to go into the disaster zone to make a difference. However, nowhere in my education did someone adequately impress upon me the absolute necessity for practical tools like waders, gloves, a hat, sunscreen, bug spray; anything to protect me from the very real hazards of the job in the disaster. School gave me shovels, trowels, clippers, hoses, tools to work on the problem, and they probably

assumed I already had a jacket, boots, wader, gloves, and goggles and further assumed that work places provided sunscreen, bug spray, maybe even a hat. Looking back now, at the beginning it’s like I was wearing a tank top, shorts, canvas tennis shoes and maybe a wind breaker, in a fucking poisonous lake.

Other’s told me to take care of myself, make me a priority, saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”. But I didn’t see many other people doing it either. I was arrogant, I thought I was strong enough to not need it. Only weak people need gloves and goggles. I thought if I just cared and cared and worked and worked to help, to fix people, the swamp would clear.

 *woosh, pan camera back to Summer 2020* There I was, wounded, sick, malnourished (whatever metaphor you want to put here) and I had to get out. I started to wake up in this seemingly never-ending series of ecological disasters, not caring that people were crying and struggling, and all I could think about was that they just needed to get the fuck over it. I was lost so far in the polluted lake with no real exit strategy. I had not planned for this. I had placed a bet on myself that I could hack it, that I would be fine. The only way was for me to get out—a med evac. I had to *gasp* take a leave of absence.

...

There are so many things that got me to that point. Some are system wide; some are part of the system of where I work. Some are from my own internal workings, negative core beliefs, negative thinking patterns, faulty assumptions. Some of the things existed before I started this work and weirdly make me good at this.

I don’t know how much of me sharing my story of lack of adequate self-care, of what my burn out was/is like helps anyone. I guess I am just hoping it makes it real for someone so that they avoid the mistakes I made. I guess it comes down to me wanting to go back and fix myself; if I can prevent what happened to me in someone else, then it feels like I heal myself. This is fundamentally flawed and part of why I have such bad burn out. Also, I don’t want to be one of those people that says, “Don’t do what I did” or worse, “Do as I say not as I do” so I avoided saying anything. But this is also part of my burn out—being afraid to say anything, being afraid of my own voice, denying that I even have one at all, not believing that I have anything valuable to say at all. I also know, a lot of what I have to say is said by countless other people in what may be more eloquent ways. But I come back to the point…I have a voice, maybe someone would benefit from hearing it.

This is as much for myself as it is for other people. I want to live a life I am proud of, one that I don’t need a vacation from, one where I am genuine, authentic and real; so I am learning to use my voice even when it feels awkward. I am learning to use my voice to stand up for myself and others even when what I think and feel is invalidated by people in power.

...

I know that what I am about to talk about is something you already know, and I know you will say to yourself, “Yeah, I know. I will.” And you might think, “That won’t be a problem for me.” But it will. Maybe you will be able to do some self-reflection about it quickly afterwards, hopefully before the full throws of burn out grab you, you make a change.

I wish I had known early on that you absolutely cannot care for others in a healthy, sustainable way if you do not take care of yourself first, if you do not have clearly defined internal and external boundaries that you regularly enforce and that are supported by those around you. I know you know this. We tell others this all the time. But us therapists/counselors/social workers have a nasty habit (not everyone, but I have yet to encounter a mental health provider that doesn’t or hasn’t struggled with this at some point…I have a lot of thoughts about this to discuss later) of giving sound advice and suggestions and somehow thinking we don’t have to follow it. It's classic, it really is.

We all experience stress, exposure to the everyday hazards of this work differently. My experience will not be yours. All I know is that what I have been through is unremarkably common, and yet, I feel like it is not shared as widely and as thoroughly as I believe it should. Ignoring not only the issue of burnout, but the lack of adequate education about it and self-care, we put ourselves, our clients, and the field in jeopardy. It is irresponsible, reckless, arrogant and short sighted.

As far as an answer to “Now what Sara? What are we supposed to do?” I have no real satisfying, thoughtful, profound answer. What I do now is this:

Journal entry from December 2019

The funny thing is that when things get bad, I know there isn’t anything anyone can say or do to make it any better. There isn’t always anything you can do or say to yourself that makes it better. Sometimes, all that can be done is to sit through it however you can despite how excruciating it can be. Sometimes, just knowing you aren’t alone and that someone has been there or knowing that someone somewhere cares even just a little makes all the difference.

If I can be that person, that voice for someone somewhere, I will have done my job. I know what it is like to be there, in the trenches of your mind with thoughts like bombs and feelings like mustard gas trying to kill you. It’s exhausting and excruciating fighting with and within yourself every day. I suppose in war, part of what might make things more tolerable is having your comrades, your platoon mates or whatever, there fighting with you; knowing you aren’t in that hell alone. Dealing with mental illness, trauma, oppression, with life, is no less of a significant widespread battle. How awful is it that we all feel incredibly alone even when everyone is fighting the same or similar battle?” We are all fighting something, and hearing someone say, “Hey! Yeah, me too! How do you fight off the suicidal thoughts at work??” can make all the difference.

[3wisellamas]

Finale / Misc Boxbot and Voxman family Headcanons

First, some assorted ones based off Thank You for Watching the Show:

-Robbie and Sara are totally Boxman's grandkids, and he and PV spoil the shit out of them whenever they visit, but no single one of the gen 1 Boxbots is their parent -- all six contributed to their design, so the gen 2 bots consider them all combination moms/dads and aunts/uncles.  Though, Robbie tends to stick closest to Jethro and Raymond (especially Ray, he really looks up to him!), and Sara favors Ernesto and Shannon.

-The two of them really only fight as product tests, or for fun/combat training alongside the plaza crew -- Ernesto couldn't care less about the plaza's existence now that Boxman's gone.  They're even friends with the new KO's Bodega employees during their off-hours!  Though, whenever their grandpas visit, the two will go right into Serious Mode and try to wreck the place for real, to try and impress them.

-Darrell was the only robot that actually moved out after the finale, the rest all still live at Boxmore, even if they no longer work there.  With his business skills, he's already the most successful evil farmer (also, like, the only evil farmer, but whatever) in the Neutral Zone, and his family visits him every other weekend.

-He did get upgraded to a robo-young adult, so he could live on his own, but it's not too noticeable.  The only real differences are that he’s just a few inches taller, and now draws with colored pencils as well as crayons.

-He also took in Raymond's pet chickens.

-The bots still frequent the plaza as customers rather than just attackers now, and sometimes hang out with Enid, Rad, the backup Bodega crew, Dendy, and on occasion KO.  Raymond designs fashions for Drupe in between his band's practice sessions, and if Mr Logic gets really busy Shannon sends some of her audience members to help him out.  And, of course, Mikayla's even got a drink named after her at the cat cafe, which she stops in to order whenever she misses her feline friends (especially Teacup)!

-All those portraits, the Jethro mug, and the kitten model Mikayla that Boxman has in his house were Shucksgiving presents, as was Peej's book.  PV knocked on the door right after the kids left from celebrating with him, figuring it would be as good a time as any to finally give him that cake.

-Jethro's actually taken up gardening, and grows flowers around the factory, though they tend to die pretty fast in the windowless hallways.  He once tried to use some of Venomous' leftover gear in the labs in order to engineer them to need less sunlight, and the results were...tentacle-y.

-Boxman and Mr Logic are best friends again.  ;v;  Even if they don't often agree on things, and definitely don't work together anymore, Boxy regularly shows up at Logic's barbershop to get his hair cut and chat, and keeps him in the loop on everything that goes on with the rest of his family.

-When PV and Fink attacked the plaza in their bio-mech suits after returning to Earth, it wasn't actually the bodega employees who defeated them, but Carol, who pretty much just took one look out the window at the fight, said "Oh HECK no," and MESSED HIM UP.  Fink stayed at Boxmore while he recovered in the hospital!

And now, some older, slightly weirder heacanons that I never really bothered to post:

-Doctor Weakpoint and Lord Boxman are mother and son.  As in, yes, this person right here:

is the kinda-joke villain who kept sending robots to destroy POINT, even after some of its original members left.  I also really like @the-golden-ghost's theory about Boxy being an ex-minion, so I think a lot of the other villains' disdain for him comes not just from him being a joke villain, but also a former HENCHMAN to a joke villain.  Plus, she was probably very busy coming up with plans to destroy POINT every single day (and rebuilding Steamborg after he got trashed), hence Boxy taking himself go-karting for each of his birthdays, and eventually leaving to become a more serious villain on his own.  

-He still calls her sometimes, and leaves lots of voicemail about how things are going at Boxmore, but she never answers or calls him back.  ;-;  She does send the kids birthday cards and candy, though, and they love their grandma a lot even if they've never been able to meet her.

-Fink did go to KO's school, like in the episode we were supposed to get.  But she was in class 6-11B, rather than 6-11A like KO and Dendy, and they just never ran into her.

-Kinda dark one, if he gets hungry enough, Darrell has no problem with trying to hunt down and eat other robots, particularly his own clones (since it's not like there's ever a shortage of him around, plus their brains are extra tasty).  Don't let him skip a meal, ever, and if you do...keep an eye on the vents.

-The entrance to Shadowy Figure's lair in Professor Venomous' house was literally just kept hidden under a rug.  He also sometimes accidentally left glorbs or his scarf around the house, since sometimes he would lose control and start to shift back to PV unexpectedly.  The only reason PV never noticed is because he's just THAT MUCH of a dumbass sometimes.

-I see that the fandom's caught on to the idea of Laserblast having a crush on Boxman long before even becoming a villain, and I LOVE it, but I raise you this:  Boxman had a huge crush on Laserblast as well when he was first starting out with villainy.  Attacking POINT with that junkfish cake may or may not have been one of his many excuses to see Laser again, and he even got some inspiration to work on laser weapons for his own creations from him.  

-Boxman already knew who PV was LONG before the man finally decided to tell him about his backstory, because of this.  

-Alternatively, the reason Boxy became a supervillain and tried to attack POINT in the first place?  Because Laserblast snubbed him for a date, solely due to the whole "heroes shouldn't date villains" thing.

-Mikayla’s head literally was prototyped using one of Boxman’s old guitars.  He doesn’t know how to play, like his sons, he just owned it to look cool.

-There was a short period of time, like three-four months, between Boxmore's completion and Lakewood Plaza Turbo's construction, in which Lad Boxman and Mr Logic actually did attack POINT and do petty villainy, in addition to their new manufacturing jobs.  Logic was the brains, coming up with lots of schemes and handling all the logistics, and Boxman was the brawn, putting together new robots to fit their needs and carrying out the actual operations.  Needless to say, NONE of their efforts were successful, or even memorable, as they were pretty easily outclassed by other, more established villains. 

-Jethro's arms and legs have been there from the beginning, and were supposed to be for an upgrade that Boxman never actually implemented.  He just didn't give enough of a shit to ever remove them from production. 

-Leggy Jethro is his real mind, and is what runs underneath the more basic programming in the rest of his hivemind.  He just never had the ability to actually come out and express himself, without the extra glorbs' energy.  The other Jethros know they're him deep down but aren't able to fully understand why they feel...different.  Not themselves.  Hence, why they keep trying to assure themselves and others that they ARE Jethro...  

[pocket-luv101]

Summary: Kuro doesn’t have the textbook so Mahiru shares his. (KuroMahi, University AU)

“Do you want to grab a few notebooks and binders after we buy our textbooks, Kuro?” Mahiru asked him as they walked into the campus’s bookstore. He was both anxious and excited to start his university career. Kuro’s reply was short but he knew that he wasn’t one for words. He could tell that he didn’t feel comfortable with how crowded the bookstore was as well.  

“The social sciences are over here. Let’s buy our books quickly and then eat. I’m starving.” Mahiru took his hand and squeezed it lightly before he pulled him towards the shelves. They had been friends all through high school and Mahiru hoped that wouldn’t change in university. He and Kuro were accepted into the same program. Most wouldn’t say Kuro was the best student but Mahiru had seen how hard he worked to provide a better life for his family. He admired him for that.

“The reading list was posted online last night. Did you check it?” Mahiru asked as he opened the list on his phone. In the corner of his eyes, he saw the expression Kuro made. He giggled but there wasn’t a hint of judgement in it. “I’m guessing you didn’t check the update because you were playing video games or taking your afternoon nap. At least we share a lot of classes so I can keep you on track.”

“I would say ‘what would I do without you?’ but you’re kind of a slave driver.” He teased him in return. Kuro glanced over Mahiru’s shoulder to read the textbook’s name. After he found the textbook on the shelf, he took down two copies. He carried both of them as they continued down the bookshelf. “I don’t know why I let you order me around so much. This poor kitty can’t take much more.”

“I may be hard on you but it’s only because I know what you can do once you put in the effort. I believe in you, Kuro.” He gave him a kind smile along with the compliment. Kuro felt like he could do anything when he saw how confident Mahiru was. “We made it to university together! Thinking simply, you can’t give up after you made it so far.”

Mahiru looked over his shoulder and towards Kuro. He noticed how he was staring at the textbook in his hands and he had a troubled look. He wanted to ask what was bothering him but he quickly realized what it was. His eyes were fixed on the price sticker. The textbook was almost three hundred dollars. The price made Mahiru’s head spin and he could only imagine what Kuro was thinking. Kuro had seven siblings so money was tight for his family.

He tried to think of a solution without hurting Kuro’s feelings. Mahiru took one of the textbooks and placed it back on the shelf. “Do you want to share a textbook, Kuro. It’s too expensive for me and splitting the price with you will be the simplest solution. We’re going to be studying together and you’re always at my house anyways.”

“Mahiru, you don’t need to…” He started but his words trailed off once he looked into his eyes. The way his large, brown eyes gazed at him kept him from arguing. He could easily guess Mahiru’s intentions and he didn’t want to trouble him. He had done so much for him already.

“Please, Kuro?” He asked and he had to nod. Kuro silently promised to repay him for his kindness.

“Is that for me?” Mahiru gasped when Kuro came to his house with a large collection of cookies. He told them that Lily had baked them earlier. A subtle blush crept up Kuro’s neck as he thrust the bag of treats into his arms. He made the cookies with Lily but he didn’t think were enough to repay him. At least it was a start. “These will be perfect for our study session. I’ll brew some tea to pair with them.”

The smile Mahiru had made the cookies well worth the effort. Kuro walked to the living room while he disappeared in the kitchen. He placed his backpack on the couch and rubbed his shoulders. The textbooks they bought were as heavy as they were expensive. He placed his books on the table where Mahiru had already laid out his notes.

They would take turns with the textbooks each night and go over their notes over the weekend. While his notes were a clutter of facts, Mahiru had a neat stack of cue-cards. He thought of how different they were yet they were still close. Mahiru came into the room, balancing a tray in his hands. He placed it on the table before he sat down. “So, what do you want to go over first?”

“I’m a little shaky on matching these old people with their theories.” Kuro poured tea for them. They sat close to each other on the couch and there were only a few centimeters between them. As they went over their notes, they would share the cookies. Mahiru glared at the crumbs that fell onto his clean table. Before he could lecture him, Kuro quickly swiped the crumbs off the table and onto the floor. “All better?”

“You know it’s not, Kuro. I can’t believe you got crumbs on my floor right after I swept it.” He frowned at him. Kuro couldn’t tell him that he thought his pout was adorable. Mahiru stood and went to fetch the broom. “You said that Lily made the cookies you brought, right? They taste a little different.”

“Do they taste bad?” Kuro asked worriedly. It was rare for him to bake sweets but he thought it would be better if he made the cookies himself. He asked his brother to help him bake them since he didn’t want them to be burnt or taste terrible.

“No, they just taste different. The sugar cookies Lily usually make has more sugar and vanilla. These are simpler but still delicious, just the way I like. Tell Lily I like the changes he made.” Mahiru smiled brightly and ate another cookie. He also licked the cookie crumbs from his fingers. That innocent gesture made Kuro imagine other things. He blushed at his own imagination and he quickly covered his face with his notebook. Luckily, Mahiru didn’t notice.

They continued to study and go over the chapter. Hours passed as they studied but it barely felt like it did. Kuro was a solitary person yet he found that he enjoyed studying when it was Mahiru rather than alone. His phone buzzed and Kuro noticed that it was a text from his brother. He also saw how late it was. “Hugh wants to know if he should leave the door unlocked for me or if I’ll be staying over.”

“It might be simpler if you sleep here since it’s pretty late. I want to go over these practise questions.” Mahiru had to admit that he wasn’t comfortable with Kuro driving through the rain at night. His mother had died in a car accident. “You can borrow some of my pajamas for tonight. I’ll also throw your clothes into the washer for tomorrow.”

“Have you ever considered a career as a housewife? You’re already good at everything so you don’t need to buy expensive textbooks.” Kuro chucked when Mahiru lightly punched his arm. “Can I raid your closet right now? It’ll be more comfortable to change into pajamas right away.”

“Sure. Just remember that we’re going to continue studying even if you’re dressed for bed.” He called after him as he walked away. Kuro waved nonchalantly and Mahiru smiled after him. Mahiru turned his attention back to his notebooks. He took out the syllabus to read the recommended practise questions. He flipped through the textbook they shared and discovered a loose page stuck between the pages.

Mahiru took out the paper and saw that it was a cookie recipe. At first, he didn’t think it was Kuro’s because he didn’t bake much. But there were little notes in the margins that were in his handwriting. Ask Lily if it’s okay to use less sugar. Mahiru doesn’t like things too sweet.

His eyes moved to the plate of cookies Kuro brought him. Did he make them? The thought made him happy and he ate another cookie. It tasted a little sweeter after knowing that Kuro made them. Mahiru decided to put away their books and organized them into neat piles. As he was finishing, Kuro walked back into the living room.

He saw that he was clearing the table and said, “I thought you wanted to do the practice questions.”

“It’s late and cramming so much in one night won’t help us remember everything. Do you want to watch a movie with me?” Mahiru asked. He wasn’t surprised when Kuro readily agreed but he was still happy.

[stockmarketinstitute01]

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[theprogressofspring]

Why did Voldemort force Peter to move in with Snape?

Long ago, I said my next piece would be about why Peter went back to Voldemort. HOWEVER there has been some recent interest from readers regarding the subject of Snape and Peter living together, and I’m grateful for the encouragement and for the reminder! It’s been a while since I’ve added a new essay to the bunch, and I admit that this is one of the periods of Peter’s life (not to mention a plot of Voldemort’s) that I find especially fascinating.

Voldemort’s decision to place Peter at Spinner’s End likely happened immediately after the events at the Little Hangleton graveyard in Goblet of Fire: Voldemort has a body now. He no longer requires full-time care, nor would he want to remind his followers that he ever needed it—it wouldn’t do to have Peter remain by his side. Plus, all this one-on-one time and physical/magical reliance has given Peter an unusual amount of knowledge about Voldemort, and perhaps the knowledge has made Peter…overly familiar. So, Voldemort removes Peter to Spinner’s End, and likely moves back into the Riddle House in Little Hangleton by himself.*

*Between the World Cup and Triwizard Tournament, Voldemort and Peter were living at Barty Crouch Sr’s home, which has now been compromised due to Barty Jr’s arrest. Voldemort doesn’t move into Malfoy Manor until right before Deathly Hallows begins.

Therefore, Peter is out of a job. I expect that Peter—with his fancy silver hand and Voldemort’s apparent gratitude—thought that he would now take his place at the Adult Table with the rest of the still-loyal first-tier Death Eaters that showed up at Little Hangleton when Voldemort called them. But…no.

Instead, Voldemort removes Peter from the Inner Circle, where all the action is happening and the plans are being made, and places him not only in Snape’s company, but in Snape’s own house, and therefore—it could be argued—under Snape’s authority. 

Snape is, admittedly, not in the most secure position among the Death Eaters and Voldemort. He’s only just reemerged after living in essentially Dumbledore’s lap for the last 15 years. But he has over a decade of information that is valuable to Voldemort, and Voldemort isn’t foolish enough to disregard that, even if he doesn’t fully trust Snape (yet).

I suspect Voldemort placed Snape and Peter together for a couple reasons:

1. to have them spy on each other;

2. to get Peter out of his hair (or lack thereof), but not out of his orbit;

3. to stir shit.

Voldemort doesn’t fully trust Snape yet—he needs to hear some of that alleged Dumbledore/Order information first—and he’s never seen Peter operating as a full-time Death Eater**; there’s plenty of reason to believe that Peter might try to make a run for it.

**Unlike some, I don’t believe Peter was a fully Marked Death Eater until after Voldemort regained a body. I don’t think he was involved with/loyal to Voldemort at all during the First War—he spilled the beans to save his own life, not out of loyalty to or love of evil.

It kills two birds with one stone to give these men the task of checking up on each other—it fosters competition, and it doesn’t require any extra manpower. Each takes care of the other.

There’s a sort of apocryphal legend about Pharoahs and their tombs. I’m not sure how true it is, but it illustrates my next point well. When a Pharoah—along with an architect—designed and built his tomb, he wanted to ensure that his was the largest, grandest, and most spectacular tomb that had ever come before or after. So, when the Pharoah died, the architect might be killed and placed in the tomb with the Pharoah. This way, the royal architect would never be able to improve upon that which he had made, and never share the secrets of the Pharoah’s tomb with anyone else.

This is the principle upon which Voldemort is working with regards to removing Peter from his side and his confidence. Peter, frankly, knows too much. He was Voldemort’s sole confidant for nearly a year.

It is EXTREMELY likely that Peter is the only Death Eater who is clearly aware that Voldemort has not only one Horcrux, but several.^ Peter likely knows how Horcruxes are made and was almost certainly there when Nagini was made into one. He has seen Voldemort at his most vulnerable as well as at his most evil. Peter has proven himself not only a competent wizard, but an extraordinary one. Not to mention a dogged survivor!

^Snape doesn’t become aware of this until Dumbledore shows up with a rotting hand and the Peverell ring between OotP and HBP.

Peter’s not worth killing, either. A man who is willing to do anything to live is a valuable tool for someone like Lord Voldemort. Peter has proven that he’s willing to do the dirty work. (Bertha Jorkins, for example.)^^

^^In this way, Peter:Voldemort::Snape:Dumbledore. It’s a delicious and compelling parallel that lends itself beautifully to this circumstance.

Besides, Voldemort created his own insurance in the form of the silver hand, which seems to be programmed to kill Peter should he show an inclination to disobey Voldemort. Regarding the circumstances of Peter’s death as a consequence of sparing Harry’s life, there’s some confusion regarding the Life Debt business, but both the text and Pottermore heavily imply (or claim outright) that Peter did indeed show Harry a moment of mercy†, and the hand turned on him and strangled him to death as punishment for that mercy.

†The canon text grants this only grudgingly—Peter himself seems surprised to have done it, which muddies the waters a bit re: the hand and its motives/purpose.

Now, to my third point:

Almost nobody would argue with the idea that Voldemort is a raging drama queen. So when I say Voldemort was absolutely stirring shit by putting Snape and Peter under the same roof, you shouldn’t find it at all surprising.

It’s not just the fact that Peter ran with the two boys that made Snape’s life a living hell for almost a decade (and contributed to that hell, I’m sure, in his own right), not to mention with the werewolf who nearly—through no fault of Remus’s own—killed Snape. By the time Goblet of Fire ends, Snape is well aware that for all of his other awful and infuriating personality traits, Sirius is indeed innocent of betraying the Potters. Which can mean only one thing:

Snape knows that Peter Pettigrew is the one responsible for Lily’s death.

Snape’s feelings for and relationship to Lily were not a secret, especially to Voldemort (since Snape asked him to spare Lily’s life) and to the people Snape went to school with—especially James, who was fixated on and jealous of Snape and Lily’s friendship. Peter would, of course, be aware. I have no doubt that Peter immediately realized the position he was being put in when Voldemort ordered him to live with Snape in Spinner’s End, and I’m sure he was quite rightly nervous.

Isn’t that a delightful little mindfuck move on Voldemort’s part? Putting Snape and Peter together in time-out is a very practical punishment. He puts Snape with his childhood tormentor and the one who got the woman he loved killed, as punishment for perceived abandonment. And naturally Voldemort would be aware that Snape would hate and resent Peter because of their shared childhood and because of Lily; so what a fitting punishment for Peter, who is a man terrified that his past will catch up to him. All because he dared to witness Voldemort at his weakest. (Voldemort is SO petty, you guys.) And it dovetails so nicely with the primary reasons for placing them together: both Snape and Peter will be on edge, each desperate to prove his own loyalties as well as extra sensitive to any flaw in his roommate’s.

But Snape can’t let on that Lily’s death bothers him, nor murder Peter and risk outing himself as disloyal to Voldemort and the Death Eaters. What Snape can do, however, is make Peter’s time in Spinner’s End unpleasant and irritating. And the chapter Spinner’s End establishes exactly that: Snape treats Peter like a servant, and—as he does to Bellatrix—likely lords his own usefulness to Voldemort (and therefore, his arguably larger worth to him) over Peter’s head in the process.

And Peter can’t fight back. He’s not an idiot—he’s the kind of guy who knows when he knows too much. As to why he puts up with Snape treating him like shit, on one hand, I’m sure Peter is aware he deserves it (and besides, it’s only a couple months until Hogwarts is back in session). On the other, it’s not going to help him one whit to go complaining to Voldemort. As Peter’s been excused from the field of duty (and would frankly be too conspicuous‡), he can’t do anything to earn a reward, and unless he has rock-hard evidence that Snape is a traitor to Voldemort, Peter knows he’s stuck where he is. Which is exactly why he puts so much effort into spying on Snape in the hopes of catching him out and taking the opportunity to restore himself in Voldemort’s good graces. (Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Voldemort suggested that was a Very Important Job and the only way for Peter to make his way back to the Adult Table.)

‡Sirius parallel!

Unfortunately, we only get a tiny glimpse into the life that Snape and Peter had made! There’s a massive well of tantalizing possibilities here regarding their interactions in Spinner’s End—how do you think it went? (I have a pet theory that they ended up tolerating each other quite well—they’re both DEEPLY lonely men with a great deal of shared history and references. I think there’s a lot about each other that they understand, which can, of course, be repulsive in this instance, but when it comes to a roommate, sometimes you also have to get on with it and cook a shared dinner and chat about the day’s events.)

I always love hearing your reactions, questions, and observations on these essays—please do keep them coming! If you like this, check out the rest of my Peter collection here.

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

[ja9doeswhole30]

Food Freedom: The Good

Hello friends.

I swear, I’ve been trying to write a post updating my progress the last few weeks and it just didn’t happen. The start of Passover kept me very busy, and I have a draft about the holiday’s dietary restrictions and the nature of Seder meals. I finished the Reintroduction phase right before Passover started, and I enjoy telling stories in linear fashion, so this seemed logical at the time, but now that it’s been a while it might be better to discuss things differently. 

So, this post will be about all the Whole30 victories that I’ve experienced/maintained in the last few weeks. Then I’ll post separately about the fails/things that need the most work. 

3 meals + 1 snack, at home. The biggest impact Whole30 has had on my diet is to emphasize large, filling, plant-based meals. I’ve always made it a point to cook lots of veggies and lean meats at home, but I was an avowed grazer. I’d have a small (usually processed-carb-based) breakfast, which meant I was ready for snack mid-morning, followed by a small lunch, and another (possibly two) snacks in the afternoon before dinner. 

Now, most days, I’ve gotten pretty good at planning out meals and (limited) snacks so that I eat in a structured fashion. Once I started trying it, I found that I can usually sit down for a nice breakfast around 8 AM, which is late enough that I haven’t eaten in at least 12 hours, but early enough that I’m not starving. Sometimes if I’m able I try to push it to 9 AM to extend the overnight fasting period, but that doesn’t always work. Either way, though, having a good, filling breakfast will keep me going until lunch around 12:30-1PM. I allow for a snack in the afternoon but try to push that ‘til at least 4 PM. Then we have dinner at about 6:30 and finish by 7:00. 

Less indiscriminate eating. Another big reason I started Whole30 in the first place was that I would constantly pick at my kids’ snacks, or other nonsense we happen to have around the house. Hence, always gave myself credit for being a healthy eater, but whatever good I was doing eating plant-based & whole foods for meals was offset by my random unscheduled snacks. With certain foods off-limits during the Whole30, I broke my habit of helping myself to a few Cheddar Bunnies or chips whenever I wanted. Food Freedom Forever discusses the concept of deviating from an eating plan if you really consider the treat worth it, and can properly savor the experience. I haven’t been perfect with this practice (more on that next post), but it’s a good guideline. I’m definitely in the mindset of closing the vault unless there’s a truly worthwhile deposit to be made. Yesterday, for instance, I was tired and considered ordering sushi for lunch, but decided that reheating things at home was perfectly feasible and I didn’t want sushi that badly so as to indulge. 

I broke up with Dunkin’ Donuts. While I don’t drink an enormous amount of coffee, I have at various phases of life been a regular at chain coffee establishments. Although raised in a Dunkin’ household, my most sustained love affair was with Starbucks, which provided daily fuel for my second summer of law school, studying for the bar exam, and my first job. The Starbucks around the corner from my Brooklyn apartment became a necessary destination when I was home with my first baby. Thereafter we moved to a house in the suburbs, with the nearest Starbucks and DD each a mile away, serving as motivation for a nice walk when the weather was right and nothing else was going on. Following the birth of baby #2, coffee became both critically necessary and harder to obtain out of the house. The DD in the next town over has a drive-thru, which I patronized occasionally but otherwise made coffee at home - always iced, with whole milk and a teaspoon of Sugar in the Raw. 

Gradually, though, my kids were spending more time in preschool, I went back to work part-time, and I also became aware that DD’s rewards program is much more generous than Starbucks’. For a long time it seemed like there was always a promotional deal, be it a $1.99 medium latte or double-points when you order on the app or whatever. Going back to this past fall, I’d gotten sucked pretty deeply into a downward spiral of vice. First came an increase in the number of visits per week (from one to three... or more). Then I got into the habit of adding ridiculously sugary flavored syrups to my order, which I justified by asking for only one pump of the stuff, as opposed to the three or four the usual recipe would call for. Finally, I would use an especially stressful or exhaustion-ridden day as an excuse to get a large instead of my usual medium. 

Coffee every day having become a necessity, I began keeping a supply of small-batch homemade cold brew for my non-DD days. Thankfully I’d perfected my cold-brewing method prior to Whole30, because I knew that during the 30 days I wouldn’t be able to go to Dunkin’. In theory I could have sussed out the brand of almond milk they offer, to assess compliance, and possibly keep the habit alive. But I knew, deep down, that it would be especially worthwhile to cut my outside-coffee habit off at the knees. 

It was hard. Having my homemade cold brew with almond-coconut milk (no sugar) became a nice part of my daily routine, but during the Whole30, when I was limiting so many foods, it hit particularly hard to drive past a Dunkin’ and know that I wouldn’t - couldn’t - go in. It was truly the biggest form of deprivation for me; I didn’t miss the “treat” itself so much as participation in the ritual. As with the rest of Whole30, though, it felt like a great achievement once I realigned my habits. 

Case in point: On April 15th (federal tax deadline here in the U.S.) DD had an offer for a $1 medium coffee, so I made an exception, purchasing a black iced coffee on the way to work and adding my almond-coconut milk once I got to the office. It was... not good? I guess I’d gotten used to the bold flavor of my cold brew, and the way I make it at home. And while I was excited to participate in the commercial-coffee rat race yet again, the unsatisfying result was the exception that proved the rule. It’s cheaper and healthier to make coffee at home, so that’s what I do now. (I even grind my own beans, which feels really rustic and industrious.)

Daily exercise. During Whole30, I think I exercised 27 days. Initially it was motivation to earn my extra post-workout meal, but even prior to that my daily elliptical session + strength workout had become a seemingly necessary part of my routine. Since Whole30 ended, I’ve been able to maintain the habit. Some days, I need to work to squeeze it in, setting up kids with breakfast before I race down to the basement to bang out a quick 20 minutes. Other mornings my kids play downstairs and I need to pause my workout to help them figure out a toy or set up another activity. In the past, their presence might have stopped me from even attempting the workout (”Why bother if I’m just going to get interrupted?”), but I find that if I just force myself to get started, I’m compelled follow through even on the most hectic of mornings. Other times, I’ve been able to skip the morning elliptical in favor of an outside walk later in the day, which has been a (literal) breath of fresh spring air. 

That’s it for now, I think! Stay tuned for the next entry which will detail all the stuff I’m still doing wrong. D:

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