#Rashoumon with despair

[sskk-manifesto]

Single time in the entire bsd franchise that Akutagawa uses Atsushi's name! A little crazy over this because, you know: if Akutagawa using Atsushi's full name is a signal of him getting really mad at Atsushi, then, following the same logic, the “Jinko” name he commonly uses to address Atsushi is a neutral nickname at worst and an amicable / endeared pet name at best

[azapofinspiration]

I find it funny that Atsushi’s getting everything that Dazai wants - his partner cradling him (albeit with Rashoumon in Atsushi’s case, not his arms), vampire fangs gently caressing his neck, and then finally getting bitten by said partner.

Atsushi, explaining everything that happened in the airport: So yeah, that’s what — Dazai-san, is everything alright? You don’t look so good!

Dazai, seething inside from despair and jealous because his partner wouldn’t indulge in his vampire fantasy: *gritting his teeth* No, everything’s fine! Leg’s just acting up a bit! Go on!

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Ok no let me explain you a thing.

I can't take it. I literally can't take this moment without making a sound somewhere in the back of my throat. It's the cutest thing ever and it's this frame here that makes it.

Look, I know this is Wan. I know Wan isn't really canon and this is the preschool episode so it's even less so. But there's something in here that is an absolutely canon thing Akutagawa does.

The scene starts off with Akutagawa's typical reverence and excitement that Dazai is sitting near him. Nothing particularly notable there. But then Dazai gets excited by what's going on and Akutagawa gives him this look and I just can't take it man.

Because that's a genuinely fond look. He's happy for him. He's happy Dazai is enjoying himself.

And that's not just a Wan thing. He says along those lines to Kyouka in one of my all-time favourite BSD scenes in general.

It just. I just have a lot of feelings about that. This is a guy who, we know from Heartless Cur and the beginning of Beast, has very little in the way of emotion - but when he does feel, it's rather all-encompassing, even overwhelmingly strong. Things like rage and desperation. It's raw survival instinct.

But then he has. This too.

Here's the thing. In the preschool chapter, silly as it is, Dazai is still fixated on suicide. He has the noose, just doesn't speak about it openly. So, it's probably quite rare that Dazai shows genuine enjoyment the way he did here - and that's worth that small smile.

In the main universe, Akutagawa remembers how Kyouka hated herself to the point of asking to be killed, then sees how fierce she is about defending her new life and self, and decides that he's glad for her.

It really means something to me that one of the very few relational emotions he allows himself to feel is happiness and pride on others' behalf.

It roots itself less in compassion or happiness itself and more in a sense of respect... but remember that Akutagawa hardly gives his respect easily. He gives his respect only to those he considers strong, and in nearly every battle, he finds himself disappointed. What he wants is kind of contradictory - he wants a worthy opponent, so someone who poses a strong challenge to him to prove his own worth as one who will never be weak again... and yet, when they lose against him, he's often disappointed they did not succeed or fight harder, and looks down on them.

Atsushi's motive, or what he initially thinks his motive is, is disappointing to him at first - Akutagawa believes he is trying to prove himself as worthy of living through someone else's acceptance and berates him for it. But that's... exactly what he has been doing. Later on, he continues to question Atsushi for his motives, in yet another of one of my favourite scenes.

He asks him over and over - "why?" And is not satisfied until Atsushi reveals that he's also looking to get rid of the shadow of the orphanage director that follows him like a haunting - that trauma? All that pain thrown in his face? He is fighting to overcome it. He is fighting via proof and change because Atsushi wants to live, and to not have to feel ashamed of that. And that's what it took for Akutagawa to trust him and respect him enough to transfer Rashoumon to him.

I think, on some level, Akutagawa is invested in seeing whether Atsushi will succeed in this. And I think, in spite of everything between them, he will be glad for him if he does.

I just really love this aspect to his character, because while he searches for strength in violence and power and physical skill, it means on a deeper level, he actually sees joy and resistance in the face of despair as true strength that's worth acknowledging.

I want him so badly to accept that as true strength within himself in the main timeline.

I also love it because Beast confirms that Akutagawa would do anything for his sister and I am now free to imagine Gin telling her brother all the things she was learning and how she was slowly connecting to the Black Lizard and feeling overwhelming pride for her but not really expressing that but Gin knowing that's how he felt regardless, anyways that is all

Is this even coherent anymore? Oh well.

[kunikinnie]

Hi can I request dad hc for chuuya, dazai and akutagawa if you want to do only one then chuuya please thank you 💕

a/n: time to unleash chaos HAHA not sure if these are entirely in character, but I hope you enjoy! warning: some adult language, mentions of suicide

being dads

Featuring: Dazai, Akutagawa, Chuuya

Dazai Osamu

At first he'd be a bit scared and reluctant to become a father (he knows himself pretty well)

But once he sees the child all fears somehow melt away

You bet he'll be the fun-loving dad

Teaches his children many "practical" things that "won't be taught in school"

I personally believe he's good at playing with them (especially when they're younger)

Will definitely prank his own children regardless of age. Bad habits die hard, they say, but in Dazai's case they just never die

Big chance his children will become pranksters, too much to Kunikida's misfortune

Pretty chill when it comes their schooling. As long as they pass and learn, that's okay with him

Gives excellent life advice, but that's when he actually gives decent ones. 50% of the time what he says is a joke

He'll also probably quit joking about suicide around them, at least

On that note he'll definitely want to listen to them should they have any mental health issues

I think he'll still keep a certain emotional distance from them, but ironically he'd prefer if his kids were emotionally open to him (he really wants them to be happy)

May or may not teach them how to flirt

When someone hurts his kids (verbally, physically, emotionally) they better leave the country lol he's the most menacing out of the three here

He's also 100% the annoying embarrassing dad, especially once his kids are in high school

He must not be, under any circumstances, become part of the PTA or something similar

Overall wants to give his children as many fun memories as possible

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

He's the most nervous of them all

He hasn't really seen how a good father acts in the first place, and he's worried he might not raise his children properly

Definitely stoic silent dad who wants to say something but is always too embarrassed

Usually Rashoumon does the "speaking" for him

Actually practically uses Rashoumon for everything: picking up children when they go too far, making it some sort of home version of an amusement park ride, threatening any stalkers or unwanted suitors-

Okay maybe not the last one, but still

I think he's the most protective dad compared to the other two. He genuinely wants his children to live happy lives away from any form of 'darkness' and not feel the same despair as he once did

His favorite way of communication with his kids is having afternoon tea with them

Not that he'll talk much, but he likes spending some relaxation time with them

Sheds a single tear whenever they do something for him, no matter how small (he gets touched really easily if it's from them)

I have a feeling this man's a cheapskate. Not that he won't buy good things, but money and other resources must always be used efficiently (ex. always turn of the lights when you're not using them, etc.)

Okay this might be an unpopular opinion, but I think he'll be somewhat of a competitive dad (it's really hard to completely remove that from him come on)

So he wants to make sure his kids do well in whatever they do

Half pressuring them, half talking sh*t about other people-

Okay maybe not the last one, but still

He just wants to show people how amazing his kids are and that he's absolutely proud of them whatever they may be

Nakahara Chuuya

He's not a dad. He's a mom. Soccer mom, if you will

Probably the most fussy when it comes to certain things about his children compared to his partner, if he has any

Their clothes, toys, meals: everything has to pass a certain standard

I mean if you have the money, why not use it? But ofc he's not irresponsible with it all

It's canon he likes music (so let's assume he likes singing, I mean his VA did sing OP 1), so when they're still young he'll definitely be the one to sing them to sleep

Lowkey wishes one of them picks up music too so they can jam together

When If his children pick up on adult language, he will both be horrified and delighted

"Save those for a certain bandaged bastard-"

On a side note, he's the only one on this post who'll allow his kids to keep a dog. He probably is the first one to want one in the first place tbh

Will definitely teach his children how to fight. Chuuya's not the best martial artist in the mafia for nothing

I think he's also pretty chill with their schooling. As long as they're not failing, he won't whoop their ass

He's also very doting, I think. He's the type to get jealous when his kids are more affectionate with other people

Will fight (verbally and/or physically) anyone who has or is about to hurt his children in any way, shape, or form guard dog Chuuya never grew up

He's also the type to cry during any "moving up" event: graduation, marriage, you name it

What can I say he loves them all so dearly. He'll make sure they'll be proud and happy to be part of his family

[amodernpersephone]

I attempted to write this into a fanfic but failed so many times, so accept my drabbles about a slightly angsty talk between the Akutagawas.

Akutagawa has very few fears. The thought of being afraid itself was foreign to him. But this...this was something that had kept him up at night, even before he became the leader of the guerilla squad.

He wondered, he feared, would the day come that Gin would be afraid of him too?

It wasn't a surprise, to wonder about this, to think like this.

Gin was one of the few people in the world who didn't see him as the Mafia's Rabid Dog, who didn't think he was the Apostle of Calamity and Despair, who didn't see him as an absolute monster.

To her, he was just Ryuu-niisan. Her older brother. Part-time irritation, full-time overprotective sibling.

Maybe it was to silence his thoughts that he actually approached Gin.

"Gin, are you afraid of me?"

"Um, no?"

That...was not the answer he anticipated.

So he went to the topic another way.

"Gin, I could kill everybody in this room."

"Hmm? Maybe later. Let's finish shopping first."

and again.

"Rashoumon could easily flip this bus upside down."

"Try not to do that. We might not make it to the coat sale."

until he just gives up.

And asks Gin directly.

"Gin, have you never felt fear of me? Have you never been afraid that at some point I might harm you with my ability? Do you not think I'm a monster?" he choked back another word, a beast.

Gin stares at him for a moment, questioning which one of Dazai's schemes got into her brother's head again.

Before she finally answers, half-smiling:

"Brother, I've seen you trip over your own feet because you were too preoccupied by a book, and curse for a full minute when you spilled calligraphy ink all over yourself."

"I could never see you as a monster."

[manako-no-yami]

he’s a hardcore romantic

Rating: T Relationship(s): Dazai Osamu/Akutagawa Ryuunosuke Tags: Unhealthy Relationships, First Kiss, Pining, Power Imbalance Summary:

Wanting Dazai is like wanting to possess emptiness. It will swallow you whole, inside out. It will pull you in.

Dazai is the tug, the compulsion. The desire for self-destruction, embodied.And destroy himself Akutagawa does.

for Day 1 of @dazaimultishipweek2019​

-

It feels like anger.

It burns hot, blinding. It overtakes his senses until there’s nothing left but the source of heat—nothing left but a poisonous hope. A clean, bright, destructive flame that razes through everything and leaves it all a uniform, charred black. An all-encompassing, achingly familiar wrath.

Is this love?

He thinks maybe not. How could it be? But he has no other word for it, and he thinks that whatever this is, it’s the closest to love he’ll ever get.

“Get up,” Dazai says. “Do it again.”

The dismissive tone in his voice fuels the fire, the need, the want.

But wanting Dazai is like wanting to possess emptiness. It will swallow you whole, inside out. It will pull you in.

Akutagawa coughs, the taste of iron on his tongue. He looks up, watching Dazai watch him, searching those eyes that are empty voids, deep and black and unfathomable.

Loving Dazai is like flinging yourself off the edge and into that void; falling, falling, falling…for so long it feels like you’ve just been suspended in mid-air, forever trapped in a downward motion.

Dazai is the tug, the compulsion. The desire for self-destruction, embodied.

And destroy himself he does.

He gets up. He tries again.

“That was pathetic,” Dazai says, and Akutagawa’s vision tunnels so quickly, focusing so intently on his obsession that he thinks he may have gone momentarily blind. “If you keep this up, I won’t give you what you want.”

“And what is it that I want,” Akutagawa spits, and isn’t it funny, that even this is something he’d let Dazai decide for him?

Dazai smiles humorlessly, the curl of his lip as cruel as a steel blade.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he says, raising the gun and pointing it at him again. “A lover’s kiss, maybe?”

Akutagawa freezes.

He knows. Of course he knows. How could he have ever thought he could hide it?

The gunshot is deafening, and the bullet whizzes by his ear as he dodges.

“With your ability ,” Dazai says, and shoots again.

Maybe it had been planned all along. Maybe Dazai chose Akutagawa knowing he had this weakness, knowing he had the disposition that would let him follow that tug into the emptiness. Maybe he knew that Akutagawa’s anger, his directionless pain, would be a serenade to the darkness that writhes and howls inside of Dazai.

Maybe Akutagawa never loved Dazai of his own volition, at all.

The worst part is, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters.

Nothing matters except for the words that fall from those lips. Nothing matters except the mission. Nothing matters except Rashoumon lashing out with a ferocity that matches his desperation, his humiliation.

This obsession that stole his soul—love?

How could it not be?

For this, he stands back up.

For this, he tries again, and again, and again.

“It’s not enough,” Dazai says, and Akutagawa embraces the despair. He swallows knives to sharpen the blade in his heart. He attacks.

His efforts disintegrate under Dazai’s touch, in the same way Akutagawa’s willpower folds like a house of cards when Dazai breathes in his direction. Dazai cancels out everything, antimatter to the enormous mass of emotion that Akutagawa flings his way.

Akutagawa burns endlessly, but Dazai remains untouched. Frozen.

He tries again.

Dazai grips his hair in his hand, and Akutagawa grits his teeth against the pain.

“Look at me,” Dazai commands.

Akutagawa has never been able to look away.

He’s a panting, sweaty, disgusting heap of flesh and cloth puddled at the feet of Dazai’s cool indifference.

Dazai is so close. The porcelain of his skin, the pull of the void in his eyes. The words he wants him to whisper into his ear. Right there, within reach.

Akutagawa will remember this moment for the rest of his life. This split second of indulgence, the spark that will from then on never die out.

Dazai presses his lips to his, hand still a painful clamp upon his hair, and Akutagawa shudders, mouth opening easily under his. His heart surges into his throat, as if trying to make the leap from inside him to inside of Dazai through that one point of contact. He tastes like blood, like gunsmoke, like death—like everything Akutagawa has been searching for. Like salvation.

It lasts less than a second.

Akutagawa stares into Dazai’s deep, cold eyes and can feel himself falling, tumbling down into them further.

“I gave you a taste of what you wanted,” Dazai says. “Now that you know what it’s like, I expect you to do better to get the rest of it.”

Come, he’s saying. Give it your all. Give me everything you have, your time, your dedication, your loyalty, your anger, your hatred, your love. All of it is mine.

Rashoumon reacts before Dazai can even finish speaking, blades and black teeth converging in a vicious snap, enough to bisect men twice Dazai’s stature.

Dazai bats it away, throws Akutagawa down and steps on his chest. Akutagawa struggles and gasps, ribs creaking.

“Predictable. You need to keep your emotions in check.”

How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to do that when you’re here?

 .

But he was right.

Ever since getting that taste, Akutagawa has never been the same. He dreams of it, obsesses over it. His fascination over everything Dazai doubles, mounts. The agony is unbearable now that he knows the flavor of fulfillment, and he will spend the rest of his life chasing it.

This, too, must have been part of Dazai’s plan. This, too, must have been part of his machinations, as inescapable as night swallowing the earth.

“All right, we’re done for today,” Dazai says and steps away, coat already fluttering behind him as he makes his retreat.

“Dazai-san,” Akutagawa says, and the shape of his name on his tongue feels like being kissed all over again.

Dazai stops, but doesn’t turn to look at him.

There are many things Akutagawa wants to say, none of them which he knows how to articulate. Countless contradictions and paradoxes whirling inside of him, remnants of the confusion and mystery that Dazai always leaves in his wake.

“I will not disappoint you.”

Dazai turns over his shoulder to give him a cold smirk.

“We’ll see about that, Akutagawa-kun.”

[dancing-dazai]

hii!! i was wondering if you could write scenarios about dazai, akutagawa, and chuuya crying a lot and their female s/o calming them down and comfortig them? angstangstangstangstangst

*chanting* angstangstanGSTANGSTANGSTANGST

Can do! 

Oh btw the female s/o in this is you because that’s how i role, sorry if that’s not what you wanted~ guess that just means you’ll have to leave more requests until i get it right, eh? ;) 

Dazai

Dazai’s tears are silent. Despite his loud, boisterous persona during the day, Dazai can be incredibly reserved at times and it’s only once in a blue moon that he’ll ever dare to open up to you. 

Some nights you’ll find him sat on the window sill of your living room at three in the morning, one leg drawn up to his chest while the other hangs lamely beneath him. Tears drip down his cheeks as he stares at the ground below with a dead expression, completely deaf to the world and trapped in the darkness of his own mind. The best way to comfort him is to gently turn his cheek away from the glass and hold his face in your hands, kissing his forehead before slowly pulling him back to bed. Make sure he gets plenty of cuddles and don’t mention the fact that you know he had a nightmare. 

Akutagawa

Akutagawa’s tears are loud. He feels the burning rage that builds within him and summons Rashoumon almost on impulse, tearing through anything and everything he can find to compensate for his despair. 

To comfort him you have to be patient and wait – wait until his throat is raw from screaming and wait for Rashoumon to eventually wear itself out. You know it’s safe when Aku drops like a stone to his knees; he still attempts to growl in frustration under his breath, tries to regain that shred of dignity he lost all those years ago, but all that can be heard instead is the dry, scraping cough of a young man who’s lived through far too much for his age. You walk over to him calmly when you know it’s over and gently wrap an arm around his shoulder, helping him limp over to the nearby couch where he continues to break down on your shoulder. 

Chuuya 

Much like Dazai, Chuuya’s tears are borne from his nightmares and when you don’t know what to look for, they are easy to miss. The only telltale giveaway is the trembling of his shoulders and the way he curls in on himself at the softest of touches. 

Chuuya is probably the most difficult to comfort of all. His stubborn, short-tempered nature leads him to growl at words of sympathy, slap away caresses of gentle fingers and snap “I don’t need your help!” at anyone who even dares to pity him. Sadly, even you. Chuuya’s sorrow is rooted so deeply within himself that sometimes it can take hours to dig up, and other times you can do nothing but watch as Chuuya loses himself to his nightmares; nightmares of Corruption, his childhood, and every other horrific thing he’s seen throughout his career in the Mafia.

However, nothing is impossible. If you rescue him from a nightmare by gently shaking him awake, those cerulean blue eyes will eventually open for you – and so will the flood gates. He gasps in embarrassment as he realises he’s crying and shuffles backwards to the other side of the bed, using one arm to hide the tears as his chest heaves painfully. But with a lot of coaxing and a lot of patience, you can get him to come back to you, and he’ll let you hold him protectively in your arms as he sobs quietly into your neck. The best way to comfort him is to run your fingers through his hair and tell him how strong he is, how brave he is for making it this far, until his breathing evens out and you both end up drifting off to sleep.