#Reduces Damage of Items

[packbox-world]

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[youjusttryandstopme]

IT MIGHT OF TAKEN ME ABOUT EIGHT HOURD TOTAL, BUT GERSON IS DEFEATED AND I FEEL

VINDICATED!!!

[gaylienz]

The 7 R’s of Sustainability:

Did you know that ‘recycling’ is step 6 of the 7 Rs of sustainability? The other R’s are just as important even if they are often forgotten.

Rethink- Do I really need to buy this? The point of this step is to stop and think.

Refuse- Does this product damage the environment? If so, refuse to spend your money on it. i.e. single use plastics, harsh chemicals

Reduce- How much of this do I really need? Buy less! Buy in bulk when you can as it often equals less packaging to throw out.

Reuse- Can I use this product again? Can I fix what I have so that I don’t need to buy something new? Reuse that plastic water bottle a few times. And instead of buying new, try thrift shopping, flea markets, yard sales etc.

Repurpose- Unlimited creativity! Does this item have another use? i.e. old torn clothes can be rags or plastic cups can be planters.

Recycle- Can I recycle this? Not everything can be. There are also some important steps to making sure your recycling is done properly. If unsure, look up local recycling regulations.

Rot- Can I compost this? Food waste, yard clippings, newspapers and many other items can be composted instead of being tossed in the trash. Composting is surprisingly simple and helps reduce harmful greenhouse gasses from entering the atmosphere.

What is the point of the R’s? The number one benefit of the 7 R’s are the reduction of the amount of waste sent to incinerators and landfills. The EPA website provides a lot of useful information. Other benefits that we can reap from implementing these concepts in our life are (as listed on the EPA website): • Prevents pollution caused by reducing the need to harvest new raw materials • Saves energy from not making a new product • Reduces greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to climate change • Helps sustain the environment and natural resources for future generations • Saves money from processing our waste • Increases economic security by tapping a domestic source of materials • Helps create jobs in the recycling and manufacturing industries in the United States

https://www.northglenn.org/government/departments/public_works/trash/recycling.php https://www.nrdc.org/stories/composting-101 https://www.epa.gov/recycle https://www.northglenn.org/Recycling%20Article.pdf

[beloveds-embrace]

I feel like feral reader has the biggest, saddest eyes known to man when not on a mission, they just want love and pack. It's not their fault they're so feral. They were /made/ to be a weapon, when all they wanted was peace

If feral's an alpha - I can see them hunting down snacks and bringing it to the 141 like "look! I can provide! I can be gentle!" And just watching them eat with those (almost weirdly) big eyes.

If feral's an omega - I can see them hiding away and trying to frantically nest, to give themself somewhere safe. It's not right, there's no pack scent so it just pushes them further into the feral mentality, but (once) if feral swipes some of the packs' items, it does help. It's messy, it's too small, but its a nest, and its theirs and thats all that matters

And omg imagine if feral gets hurt and needs to be hospitalized

The higher ups demand that they be cuffed to the bed, but when the 141 sees feral, they see someone who's just scared. Scared of the hospital and scared of themself. They've been stripped of the muzzle, chains, and scent patches, and look so utterly /weak/. Their scent is distorted from the cruel use of scent blockers, meaning telling their designation from that is impossible.

And then they're so drugged up on pain meds that their walls are lower, and a /lot/ more talkative without their muzzle...

Igh just imagine the sweetest fluffiest angst that hurts so good

(Not a request, just some of my rambles)

👽

do you know that you ate with this ask? because you did. you absolutely did 😩 i loved reading all your thoughts about feral reader, especially the speculation of how they'd act depending on their designation!! the part abt the hospital works so well with what i had planned so i hope you like what i've added to it <33

CW: human trafficking omegaverse masterlist

The hospital room is quiet, sterile, and suffocating.

John clenches his jaw as he steps inside, his sharp eyes scanning every inch of the space. He sees the IV lines, the machines monitoring vitals, the thick, military-grade cuffs securing your wrists to the bed. You look so small like this- nothing like the unrelenting force they fought beside.

Here, right now, you’ve been stripped of everything that made you feral.

No muzzle, no reinforced collar, no scent patches suppressing your pheromones into oblivion. For the first time since you’d been forced into their pack, they could see you. And it guts them.

Because you aren’t some bloodthirsty creature bred for war.

You’re just scared.

Your fingers twitch weakly against the restraints, dull nails scratching uselessly at the cuffs, but there’s no real struggle. No vicious snapping of teeth, no blank, unfeeling stare of a tool awaiting its next order. You barely even react to them entering the room.

Your scent is muddled- soured by years of suppressant use, reduced to something broken and incomplete. It makes it impossible to tell your secondary gender, but it doesn’t matter. Not to them.

The steady drip of the pain meds in your IV dulls everything- your body is sluggish, barely responding, but it also lowers the walls that kept them from truly knowing you.

“… ‘S too quiet,” you mumble, blinking slowly. Your voice is hoarse from disuse, raspy from the damage the muzzle had done to your jaw. It’s the first time any of them have heard you speak so calmly, in a controlled setting that isn't a battlefield, without the muzzle in place.

Johnny is the first to move, dragging a chair close so he can sit beside you. His movements are slow and careful- like approaching a wounded animal.

“Aye, hospitals tend to be,” he says gently. “Bit shite, aren’t they?”

Your lips press together in something that might be the ghost of a frown. “... Hate it.”

The words are so soft. They’re used to you tearing apart enemy soldiers with your bare hands, not murmuring complaints like a child unhappy with their surroundings.

“Yeah, I know,” Gaz murmurs from the other side of the bed. His fingers twitch like he wants to reach for you, but he doesn’t. Not yet. “You, uh… don’t like small spaces, do you?”

Your response is slow, weighted with exhaustion, and your eyes flicker between them yet remain unfocused. “Not the spaces.” A small pause. “The waiting.”

John exhales slowly through his nose, crossing his arms. You were never allowed to wait. You were a tool, a weapon unsheathed only for war. They never let you have quiet. The only time you weren’t fighting was when you were locked away, bound and muzzled like a rabid dog.

It’s sickening.

You shift against the restraints, huffing when they keep you pinned in place. “‘M not gonna run.”

“Yeah, we ken, sweetheart.” Johnny says before he can stop himself. The pet name slips out, but you don’t flinch. If anything, your muscles relax just a little.

Simon, who has been silent in the corner up until now, finally moves. His mask is still in place, but his scent- bitter with restrained frustration- is unmistakable. He steps closer, gloved hands reaching out to carefully unfasten the cuffs.

It’s a risk. The higher-ups demanded you remain restrained, even sedated if necessary. Hell, it was a fight for the doctors to convince them to take off the collar and muzzle.

But Simon doesn’t give a fuck.

You blink sluggishly up at him as he undoes the clasps, rubbing absent circles over the raw skin left behind. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t acknowledge the way your fingers twitch under his touch.

You don’t lash out. You don’t fight. You just watch him with the biggest, saddest eyes he’s ever fucking seen.

Fuck.

“We shouldn’t be here,” you say, words slurring together slightly. “Don’t- don’t need to waste time. ‘M just a weapon.”

Something cracks in John’s chest.

“No, you’re not.” he says firmly.

You blink slowly at him. “… That’s what they said.”

“Well, they don’t know shit.” Gaz snaps, unable to help himself.

Your lips part slightly, as if you hadn’t expected that. As if no one had ever disagreed with that sentiment before.

Johnny leans forward, his voice softer now. “You’re not a weapon, bonnie.” His fingers twitch again before he finally gathers the courage to reach for you, brushing a careful hand over your hair. You don’t flinch. Don’t move away. Your eyes slip shut under the warmth of his touch.

It’s the first time you’ve been touched like this. Not in combat, not in restraint, but with care.

“Jus’ want pack." You mumble, so quiet they almost miss it. And fuck- if that doesn’t make their chests ache.

They knew it wasn’t your fault. They knew you were made into what you are, forced into something unnatural. They’ve seen you- seen the way you watch them, longing written in the lines of your body, in the fleeting glances and hesitant movements that scream of someone who just wants.

And now, stripped of the chains and the regulations that kept you leashed, they see you for what you truly are.

Not a weapon, nor a monster.

Just a broken little thing that was never given a choice.

Johnny keeps petting your hair, Gaz is murmuring quiet reassurances, and Simon hasn’t moved his hand from yours. John steps closer, resting a heavy, grounding palm on your ankle.

“We’ve got you,” John says, voice low and steady. “You’re pack now.”

Your breath hitches slightly. Your walls are too low, your body too exhausted to mask the emotions that flicker across your face.

And for the first time since they met you, you look safe.

(John just wishes the reality you'll face once you are recovered was far, far nicer to you).

Later, Ghost is the only one still awake with you. Johnny dozed off in the chair beside your bed, arms crossed over his chest, head tilted back in an uncomfortable angle that would have left him sore in the morning if it weren't for the scarf Simon bundled in the crook of his neck. Gaz and John left hours ago, forced back to their own quarters under the watchful eyes of command. They’ll be back in the morning.

For now, it’s just you and Simon, the quiet hum of the hospital machines, and the weight of something unspoken between you.

Until you speak up again.

“Y’know,” you murmur, eyes closed, voice rough from disuse. “I wasn’t always like this.”

Simon stills.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t even breathe for a second, like any sudden shift might scare you away from whatever you’re about to say. His hands tighten over his knees, fingers curling into the fabric of his fatigues.

He doesn’t ask you to elaborate. He doesn’t need to. He knows you’ll either continue or shut down completely. He prays it’s the former.

There’s a long silence before you exhale, long and slow, staring up at the ceiling like the words are carved into the sterile white panels above you.

“They took me in the middle of the night,” you say quietly. “Didn’t hear ‘em coming. Should’ve. Should’ve smelled ‘em.” Your lips press together, something dark flickering over your face. “But why would I? I was just... doing something. Near a car, and then- then I got knocked out before I even... knew they were there."

Simon doesn’t ask who. Not when it means interrupting you, not in this fine, delicate moment with its hands grasped around his throat. But he can guess and connect the dots, though; It’s always the same types. People who think they can own things. Who see others as commodities, as something to be bought and sold.

His fists clench.

“Woke up in a cage,” you continue, voice distant, like you’re narrating someone else’s story. “Couldn’t tell how many others were there. Too many. Some crying. Some too scared to move. Some already…” You swallow hard. “Already gone."

Ghost keeps his breathing steady, keeps his hands still even though his body screams to move, to do something. But this isn’t something he can fix. He can’t go back in time, can’t put a bullet in the heads of the men who did this to you. The only thing he can do is listen.

“I remember thinking,” you murmur, lashes heavy, eyes wet. “if I just waited, someone would come.” A bitter, breathless laugh slips past your lips. “Someone always comes. That’s what they all say, right? That someone always comes.”

Simon knows better than anyone that sometimes, no one does. Sometimes, you have to claw your own way out. Sometimes, it would still not save you.

He says nothing, just watches as you shift slightly against the pillows, your fingers twitching restlessly atop the blanket.

“They started selling people off,” you say. “One by one. Didn’t matter if they fought, if they screamed. Just lined them up, packed them into trucks, and that was it.”

A pause. Your eyes fluttered shut, a lone tear rolling down your face.

Then, quieter:

“No one came.”

The silence that follows is heavy. Suffocating. Simon still waits, letting you decide if you want to keep going. You don’t look at him, but your fingers twitch again, this time like you’re reaching for something absent.

“Didn’t matter what I wanted,” you whisper, now more to yourself than to him. “Didn’t matter who I was. I was just a thing to them. Something to be sold. Caged.”

He knows that feeling too well.

He knows what it means to be stripped of personhood, reduced to nothing but flesh to be used and discarded. He knows the rage, the helplessness, the slow descent into something feral and unrecognizable. But unlike you, he had John Price's need to adopting strays to reel him back in. But you-

“What happened?” he finally asks, low and rough as gravel.

Your lips part, and for a moment, he thinks you won’t answer.

“I killed them.”

Simple. Unapologetic. Matter-of-fact.

Ghost doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t react at all. He just waits.

“First one was easy,” you say, exhaustion coloring every letter. “He was the one who opened the cage. Didn’t think I’d fight. Thought I was too weak, too scared. I was scared.” You exhale. “But not enough to let them take me.”

Your fingers curl into the sheets, grip tightening.

“They were so scary.” Your voice is flat, emotionless, but Simon can see the tension in your shoulders, the way your pulse jumps against your throat and reflects on the heart monitor. “Strong. Trained. Bigger than me. Didn’t matter.” A small, humorless smile twitches at your lips. “Didn’t matter how much stronger they were. I fought like a fucking animal.”

Ghost can picture it.

You, starved, exhausted, barely more than skin and bone- tearing through men who thought they were untouchable. Clawing, biting, ripping, killing. Not for sport. Not for pleasure. Just to survive.

It was never a choice; the only other option was death.

“I didn’t stop,” you admit, softer now. “Even when they were all dead, even when there was no one left, I couldn’t stop.” A deep, shuddering breath. “I was stuck like that. Didn’t know how to turn it off. Still don’t.”

The silence stretches long between you, until Simon breaks it; “Not your fault,” he murmurs, waiting for you to look at him with those glassy, painfully big eyes. He shakes his head. “You didn’t have a choice.”

Your throat bobs, something unreadable passing over your face and for a long time, neither of you speak. “You’re the first person I’ve told.” You admit, voice barely above a whisper.

Simon’s fingers twitch. He wants to touch you. Wants to pull you close until he can rub his face and scent all over every crevice of your body. Not to restrain, not to command- just to comfort. But he doesn’t. He can't.

Instead, he just nods, voice soft when he says: “..Get some rest, love. We’ve got you now.”

[reasonsforhope]

Sports have gotten more and more environmentally friendly, whether it's by reducing plastic waste at arenas, or producing medals with recycled materials. But what if the sport itself was devoted to directly helping the planet? Take a look at SpoGomi, a competitive sport in which teams collect garbage and litter within a time limit and specified area. People get to exercise and improve their communities while simultaneously reducing pollution. It's an overall win!

The name “SpoGomi” comes from “sports” and “gomi,” which means “trash” in Japanese. SpoGomi was created in Japan in 2008 as a way to promote trash collecting in an effort to aid the environment and push back on the climate crisis. “The marine litter problem is becoming increasingly serious worldwide,” reads a message from SpoGomi. “Approximately 80% of the garbage in the ocean is said to come from land (cities), and picking up garbage is the ‘last line of defense' to prevent this from happening. By connecting countries and people, we have expanded our circle even further around the world.”

Now, supported by The Nippon Foundation, the sport is so popular that there are competitions around the world, including the first SpoGomi World Cup, which was held in Japan in November 2023. People from 20 countries and all of Japan's prefectures participated, with the UK team coming out in first place.

SpoGomi is more than simply picking up trash, though, as there's a whole set of rules. These game rules are flexible depending on the area and litter to be picked up. Generally, teams are made up of three to five members who have to collect as much trash as possible within a designated area and time limit. The most common duration is an hour for picking up trash plus another 20 minutes to correctly sort it.

Some trash can be extra damaging to the environment or harder to spot, meaning each piece of litter gets a different amount of points. According to Nippon.com, the rules for World Cup regional preliminary rounds have burnable and nonburnable trash at 10 points per 100 grams, cans and bottles at 12 points, and PET plastic bottles at 25 points. The crown jewel of competitive trash picking are cigarette butts, which will get the team 100 points each.

Other rules stipulate that teams cannot pick up trash that is already in bins that belong to someone else. Since everything must fit into the trash bags that are provided, they cannot pick hazardous waste or bulky items either. And since this is meant to improve the local area, any method of transportation other than walking is frowned upon.

In the end, all participants can bask in the pride of making the environment just a little bit cleaner and healthier. Udagawa Takayasu, a spokesperson for The Nippon Foundation, even admits, “I participated in a preliminary tournament held in Japan just last weekend. Although our team could not win and I faced frustration, the city became markedly cleaner. I think it's one of the fascinating aspects of SpoGomi, even if you don't win, it leaves you with a positive sentiment.”

-via My Modern Met, May 20, 2024

--

Hell yeah, gamify this shit!

[brain4stew]

Hiya!!!I was the one that requested cat reader,so sorry i didnt mention which ones i wanted!!!!-🪼 anon

Maybe all the forsaken killers(w/ mafioso if u want?) and chance and shedletsky?Tysm for responding:')))

Don’t be sorry, 🪼!! I probably should have specified it in my masters list, but I didn’t think of it. 😞

But anyway, I’ll see what I can do with your ask! 🫶🫶

(As the other posts; I do not entirely know the characters personalities and so, so they will probably, if not most likely be OOC!!)

That being said, headcanons/something under the cut!! ;

(Survivors first.)

(Chance)

• This guy… I have a feeling he’ll be quite a menace towards you.

• Don’t get me wrong, he’s probably just curious! (No he’s not, he finds you rather cute.)

• When you’re not in any rounds, he’ll practically drag you to the couch in the lobby, and cuddle with you. (He’ll annoy you also.)

• He likes hearing you purr, and likes feeling the vibrations from you. It strangely soothes him.

• He does play with your ears and your tail, just swat at his hands, and he’ll put his hands up in feign surrender. (Keep an eye on that bastard.)

• When you’re in a round, he’ll immediately go and find you. Flipping his trustworthy (not) coin in the process. (He believes you’re walking luck for some reason.)

• He annoys you even when you’re doing generators, to reduce the time of the round. He plays with your ears and tail still. (He gets hit by spikes from John Doe, due to him being distracted…)

• Overall, he likes, if not loves annoying you.

(Shedletsky)

• …He gives you fried chicken. STRAIGHT UP. You’re a cat, no? Take the offered fried chicken!

• He’s just strangely interested in HOW and WHY you’re a cat. But he doesn’t question it.

• He does question if you need actual cat food and items however… (You don’t.)

• He yaps to you. A lot. You don’t mind it though, at least you get to listen to something to cure your boredom in the lobby.

• He does pull you to the couch also, cuddling you, causing him to fall asleep. (He ate too much fried chicken, that the mf fell asleep! 😭) You don’t mind it, for you enjoy laying and sleeping on him. (His stomach to be precise.)

• In rounds, he goes to find you, to protect you when you’re doing generators. (He’s got a sword, so trust him!)

• He’s not that distracted by your appearance, sure he does take glances at you, your ears and tail, but that’s basically it.

• (He ended up getting killed by his own creation, 1x1x1x1… What a shame… But, you somehow survived!)

• Overall, he’s chill with you.

(Killers)

(Jason)

• Jason doesn’t see you much, as you are somehow always hidden in rounds, but that’s alright. He just needs to kill everyone else to see where you are.

• …He managed to get all of your teammates annoyed at him, due to his hitbox…

• You, you were just lying by a tree, did you take a nap??

• When Jason gets to you, he’s… Confused, to say the least.

• He doesn’t know what to do, does he just, let you live, or does he kill you and win for his mother?

• He let you live, as you woke up and practically tackled him and cuddled him, while somehow still asleep?? How.

• He’s confused by your appearance, but doesn’t question it. He does NOT talk, whatsoever, so…

• Overall, he’s chill with you too.

(C00lkidd, platonic)

• We’ll say that you were an emotional support cat for him, as he doesn’t understand his own strength, and hurts most other kids and people.

• 007n7 just, saw how you didn’t mind the bone crushing hug C00lkidd gave you, and just, decided to take you with them.

• C00lkidd loves you! You’re adorable, and he enjoys playing with you!

• You don’t mind whatever damage he does to you, as you know he’s just a kid, and doesn’t understand his own strength.

• Overall, not the best out of everyone, but, he’s somewhat chill.

(John Doe)

• John Doe is… Fascinated, interested and confused by you.

• He doesn’t understand much of affection, even though he has, or had a wife, but, he likes you, he guesses.

• He does want to pet you, but, with his appearance, he can’t, unless he hurts you.

• You just have to show him affection in another way! Just rub your head against his, and he’ll probably understand it!

• He’s confused by your ears and tail, but doesn’t question it, he finds it cute for some reason.

• He listens to you when you ramble on about whatever you did today, occasionally taking glances at how your ears twitch, and your tail flick.

• Overall, he’s also chill with you! He’s confused, yeah, but oh well!

(1x1x1x1)

• …He’s a prick, to say the least.

• He first saw you when he awoke from being created by Shedletsky. You were scratching the air at Shedletsky, as he annoyed you a bit too much.

• That’s how he knew he’d like you for some reason. But why he actually does like you? It’s because he teases you about you being a damn cat.

• You of course… Scratch him for it, but he just laughs it off, finding it amusing. A little cat like you, scratching him? Your scratches feel like tickles to him.

• He pokes your nose, ears and tail time from time, enjoying how annoyed you become at him for it.

• Overall? A prick towards you, with a hidden soft spot for you.

(Mafioso)

• He likes you. Quite literally. I mean, he has a liberal (bunny), so why wouldn���t he like a cat like you?

• Whenever you’re going to groom yourself, he’s magically nearby, and asks if you’ll let him brush your hair, and wash and clean your ears and tail.

• You get surprised time from time, but agree. (You end up drowsy afterwards, as he helps you.)

• He once found you and his bunny cuddled up together, and he secretly took a picture of it. (You both looked so adorable!!)

• He lets you sleep on his bed with him, cuddled up together. And when I tell you he’s so gentle with you when you’re asleep… It’s a stark contrast to how he is with people in debt.

• He sometimes throws his coat over you, which you almost flop down from. Causing him to snort a little at it.

• Overall? He can be very chill, but also a little prick sometimes.

[justcuriouspolls]

*Just you/the person answering this poll, not the entirety of humanity

Health bar: Shows how much “hp” you have, compared to you at maximum health. Lower hp=closer to death. Has a list of temporary ailments (diseases, injuries etc) affecting you, how much damage they deal, and how long it lasts before going away. If you have a chronic condition that affects your health/will stay with you most/all of your life, max hp (compared to current hp) is reduced. Also shows a stamina bar as well

Quest menu: Guides you on how to do things, from lifechanging achievements to everyday activities. Detailed step-by-step instructions, accurately prioritized, and a “hint menu” in case you get stuck

Checkpoint: From here on out, you can set one “point” (a specific date, time, and location- you must be at that point when you set it) that you revert to when you die, retaining the exact state you were at but with the addition of knowledge that you have at time of death. Once you set the

point you cannot change it, and you must revert there when you die. An extra life, essentially

Inventory Slots: You can store items (you must be able to physically hold them/carry them with ease) in a pocket dimension, and take them out/put them back at any time. Space is limited but is based on diversity of items vs number of items. Carrying bags, purses etc increase how many inventory slots you have

Damage Resistance: A single strike from a sword won’t kill you, tripping and falling won’t send you to a hospital, what would instantly kill the average person would typically just be an inconvenience to you. (You are not immortal, you just now have Video Game Logic ™ applied)

Rapid cooking/eating: You need a method of cooking and the required ingredients, but for some foods you can cook them instantly (it is still perfectly cooked and safe to eat) and you can instantly eat things (you can’t sense the texture/flavor, you still get nutritional benefits/detriments, foods eaten in this manner cannot harm you from overeating (but you are still restricted from eating further/you have a sense of fullness))

Skip Cutscene: If you have had the same conversation multiple times, or have a task that you do repetitively, you can skip it once a day

Fast Travel: In addition to the location where you wake up (if your sleep schedule is irregular, the location where you are at during midnight), you can select three other locations to teleport to. You can teleport three times a day. You can move around your teleport markers, but you have to physically go there to access them/move them

Double Jump: Self explanatory, you can jump twice, with slightly less height but half the stamina used as your regular jumping ability, and timing your second jump properly can significantly reduce the damage taken from high falls

[the-griffons-saddlebag]

⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺! Spellneedle
Weapon (dagger or spear), very rare (requires attunement) ___ This mithral dagger has a hollow, telescoping handle. While holding the weapon, you can speak its command word using a bonus action to cause it to transform into a spear or back into a dagger, extending or retracting the handle respectively. Regardless of the weapon’s form, it has the finesse property, and you are proficient with it. If you’re a spellcaster, you can use your spellcasting ability for its attack and damage rolls, instead of Strength or Dexterity. You gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. While holding the weapon, you can use your reaction whenever a creature you can see within 30 feet of you casts a spell, allowing you to collect one of the arcane threads used to produce the spell. Only you can see this thread, which remains woven through the “spellneedle” until the end of your next turn or until you use the thread. The weapon can only have one thread at a time. While holding the threaded weapon, you can expend the thread to gain one of the following benefits. 𝙎𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝘽𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙩. If you make an attack with the weapon, you can expend the thread (no action required) to deal an extra 1d10 force damage to the target on a hit; each other creature within 5 feet of the target (other than you) must succeed on a DC 16 Dexterity saving throw or take the same amount of force damage. If you made a ranged attack with the weapon, it’s magically pulled back to your hand immediately after the attack. 𝙐𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝙎𝙥𝙚𝙡𝙡. If you’re forced to make a saving throw against a spell, you can expend the thread (no action required) to roll a d10 and add the number rolled to the saving throw. In addition, any damage you take from the spell is reduced by an amount equal to the number rolled on the d10. ___ ✨ Patrons get huge perks! Access this and hundreds of other item cards, art files, and compendium entries when you support The Griffon's Saddlebag on Patreon for as little as $3 a month!

[bestanimal]

Round 3 - Lissamphibia - Urodela

(Sources - 1, 2, 3, 4)

Order: Urodela

Common Name: “salamanders”

Families: 9 - Cryptobranchidae (“giant salamanders”), Hynobiidae (“Asiatic salamanders”), Ambystomatidae (“mole salamanders” and “Pacific giant salamanders”), Amphiumidae (“amphiumas”), Plethodontidae (“lungless salamanders”), Proteidae (“mudpuppies” and “Olm”), Rhyacotritonidae (“torrent salamanders”), Salamandridae (“true salamanders” and “newts”), and Sirenidae (“sirens”).

Anatomy: larval stage with gills, some aquatic species retain the gills as adults; basal tetrapod body form with a cylindrical trunk, four limbs, and a long tail; some aquatic species have reduced or absent hind limbs (image 3); moist smooth, velvety, or “warty” skin which is permeable to water and used in respiration; no claws; no ears or eardrums, but have an opercularis system allowing them to detect airborne sound

Diet: invertebrates and small vertebrates

Habitat/Range: only in the Holarctic and Neotropical regions; 1/3 of the known salamander species are found in North America, with the highest concentration found in the Appalachian Mountains region

Evolved in: Middle Jurassic; the oldest known stem-salamander (part of the clade Caudata) is Triassurus from the Triassic of Kyrgyzstan

Propaganda under the cut:

Salamanders are capable of regenerating lost limbs as well as other damaged parts of their bodies, including vital organs such as their heart, jaw, and parts of the spinal cord.

Due to their popularity in the pet trade, the Axolotl (Ambystoma mexicanum) is perhaps the most famous salamander. They are paedomorphic, maturing without undergoing metamorphosis into a terrestrial adult form, instead remaining fully aquatic with obvious external gills. They resemble larvae of the occasionally paedomorphic Tiger Salamander (Ambystoma tigrinum). Critically endangered in the wild, they originally inhabited a large lake in the Mexican highlands known as Lake Texcoco, along with a number of smaller, interconnected lakes such as Lake Xochimilco and Lake Chalco, and were abundant enough to form a staple in the Aztec diet. These lakes were mostly drained by Spanish colonists after the conquest of the Aztec Empire, leading to the destruction of most of the Axolotl's natural habitat, which is now largely occupied by Mexico City. Due to continued urbanization in Mexico City, which causes water pollution in the remaining waterways, as well as the introduction of invasive species such as tilapia and perch, the Axolotl is nearly extinct. Six adult Axolotls (including a leucistic specimen) were shipped from Mexico City to Paris in 1863, where French scientists began studying them. They were found to be able to regenerate body parts, could be artificially induced to metamorphosize, and were hybridized with Tiger Salamanders. Their success in scientific research has also led to them being prolific in the pet trade, and one restaurant in Japan even sells fried Axolotls as a menu item. Despite their large population in captivity, these Axolotls are inbred and often contain Tiger Salamander genes, and can not contribute to the tiny population of pure wild Axolotls. Lake Texcoco and Lake Chalco no longer exist, so they are native only to the freshwater lake Xochimilco, which remains a remnant of its former self, existing mainly as canals. Only 2 wild Axolotls were spotted in 2013, after months of searching. Currently, the Lake Texcoco Ecological Park is being established to restore natural spaces to Mexico City, and hopefully provide a home for the Axolotl and other Mexican biodiversity.

The similarly critically endangered Anderson's Salamander (Ambystoma andersoni), from Zacapu Lagoon in the Mexican state of Michoacán, is one of the few species of living amphibians to occur in brackish or salt water.

Salamanders of the family Plethontidae have tongues that reach up to 80% of their body length, are attached to their skeleton, and fire ballistically at prey in less than 20 milliseconds.

Slimy Salamanders (Plethodon glutinosis) do not lay their eggs in water, so they stay near them to keep them from drying out, as well as to defend them from predators.

The largest living lissamphibian is the South China Giant Salamander (Andrias sligoi) (image 2), with the largest known individual having been 1.8 m (5.9 ft) long. It is critically endangered due to habitat loss, pollution, and overcollection, and its use in traditional medicine and status as a delicacy has led to it being farmed for meat. It is hoped that this will take the heat off the wild salamanders, though wild salamanders are still often caught to bolster breeding populations in meat farms. It is unknown if any South China Giant Salamanders still exist in the wild, and those on farms are likely hybridized, as Andrias species are often caught indiscriminately and are able to interbreed. Of the known individuals that survive in zoos, all are males, and are nearing the end of their natural lifespans.

The Eastern Newt (Notophthalmus viridescens) is perhaps best known for its striking, land-dwelling juvenile stage which is colloquially called a Red Eft. Eastern Newts have three stages of life: the aquatic larva/tadpole, the terrestrial Red Eft, and the aquatic adult. Having a terrestrial juvenile stage allows young Eastern Newts to disperse to new ponds. They will spend 2-3 years in the Red Eft stage before choosing a pond and transforming into an adult.

The Olm, or Proteus (Proteus anguinus) (see gif above), is an paedomorphic cave-dwelling salamander, and the only exclusively cave-dwelling chordate found in Europe. It is entirely aquatic, eating, sleeping, and breeding underwater, as well as adapted for life underground in complete darkness. The Olm's eyes are undeveloped, leaving it blind, while its other senses, particularly those of smell and hearing, are more acutely developed. They can also sense both electric and magnetic fields. They have unpigmented skin, but will develop color if exposed to weak light for a few hours a day. They can live to be 100 years old, and go for years without food. This slow metabolism allowed one tracked Olm to stay in same spot for over 7 years! In the 1600s, Olms washed up from the underground waters were believed by local people to be the offspring of a cave dragon. The Olm is a symbol of Slovenian natural heritage, and was depicted on the Slovenian tolar coin, as well as being the namesake of the oldest Slovenian popular science magazine, Proteus, first published in 1933.

[adobe-outdesign]

can you explain why people are mad about the pea I don't play neopets I just love drama

>Neopets has a thing called the Battledome, which is where you can challenge NPCs and other people's pets to fights and win prizes in return

>Item called the Super Attack Pea (SuAP) is one of the most powerful damage-dealing weapons in Neopets

>Another item released along with it is the Seasonal Attack Pea (SAP)

>Only place to get these peas is at a "store"/location called The Smuggler's Cove

>Cove only stocks 100 of each item

>Cove stopped restocking for many years

>Prices for SuAP and SAP go way up due to scarcity

>SAP goes for almost 2 bil NP

>New staff in charge of the site work to combat inflation and impossible-to-get items via releases

>Include SAP as a possible random freebie during the Advent Calendar

>Price drops from 2 bil to as little as 20 mil overnight

>Billionaires whining, middle and lower class celebrating

>TNT drastically reduces the changes of receiving a SAP

>Price goes back up to 300 mil

>Everyone disliked that.jpg

>People are threatening to leave the site over this

>As a reminder the SAP looks like this

[packbox-world]

[dungeon-strugglers]

✨New item!✨ Blade of Grass  Weapon (scimitar), legendary (requires attunement) 

The razor-sharp grassy blade of this sword is able to slash with uncanny precision. You gain a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it. When you have advantage on an attack roll to hit with the sword, you can roll one additional d20 and choose which of the 3 dice to use. The sword can wrap itself around your wrist, becoming a grassy bracelet when you’re not wielding it, or return to your hand at will (no action required). 

Sweeping Strike. As an action while wielding this sword, you can make a broad slash to hit multiple targets. Each creature in a 15-foot cone must make a DC 18 Dexterity saving throw, taking 4d6 slashing damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.

Grass Arm. As a bonus action while the sword is being worn as a bracelet, you can cause it to grow and wreath your entire arm in a grassy mass up to the shoulder. The grass takes the shape of a brawny arm, rippling with vegetal vigor and thistly thorns. This grass arm grants you the following benefits: 

You have a +10 bonus to Strength checks that involve the grass arm.

Unarmed strikes made with the grass arm have a +3 bonus to attack and damage rolls, and deal an extra 3d4 piercing damage to targets you hit with it.

The hand of this arm can transform into a blade or back into a hand at will (no action required). This jagged blade functions as the Blade of Grass, however the sword’s reach is increased by 5 feet and it deals an extra 3d4 piercing damage to targets hit by it.

You gain 10 temporary hit points at the start of each of your turns. If you take fire damage, this property doesn’t function for your next turn.

The grass arm lasts until you complete a short or long rest, or until you dismiss it as a bonus action. Once Grass Arm has been used, it can’t be used again for 2d10 days.

Curse. The Blade of Grass will always reappear wrapped around your wrist when you complete a long rest. Each time you use Grass Arm after the first, the grassy mass engulfs more and more of your body while the effect is active. The fifth time you use Grass Arm, make a DC 18 Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the grass entirely covers your body and takes control of your mind. You become a hostile chaotic evil NPC under the control of the GM. You retain your statistics with these alterations: 

You permanently benefit from the effects of Grass Arm, which now applies to all of your limbs. The temporary hit points bestowed by this effect is increased to 20 at the start of each of your turns.

You are considered a Plant in addition to your normal creature type.

Your Strength score becomes 24 and your AC can’t be less than 18, regardless of what kind of armor you’re wearing.

Any creature within 5 feet of you that touches you or hits you with a melee attack takes 2d4 piercing damage.

If you are reduced to 0 hit points, the controlling effect ends and the sword reverts to its bracelet form. Each subsequent time you use Grass Arm, you must repeat the saving throw to resist being controlled again. - 🖌🎨 Like our work? Consider supporting us on Patreon and gain access to the hi-resolution art for over 200 magic items, printable item cards and card packs, beautiful creature art and stat blocks, and setting pdfs with narrative hooks and unique lore!🧙‍♂️ Thank you so much for your support! 💖

📜 Credit. Art and design by us: the Dungeon Strugglers. Please credit us if you repost elsewhere.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Man over Machine

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

Alien: You must understand our line of thinking.

Human: I understand it is stupid beyond measure.

Alien: *Sighs

Alien: It is only logical to use mechanical soldiers in modern warfare.

Alien: Anything less is purely barbaric.

Human: You reduce war to little more than 1’s and 0’s.

Alien: What we do is remove needless bloodshed.

Alien: No longer are brave soldiers dying on forgotten worlds, no longer will families grieve for loved ones who will never return; no longer would we need monuments to the fallen.

Alien: Disagreements could be settled without a drop of blood being shed.

Human: You turn it into a game.

Alien: Exactly.

Human: No; you’d be turning war into a game, and that’s never a good thing.

Human: You can’t reduce war to a simple equation.

Alien: It sounds more like you just wish to continue your carnal desire for violence.

Human: Do you think so little of us?

Alien: Yes.

Human: ……

Human: *Sighs

Human: We’ve tried using machines in war before.

Human: On the surface yes, it did appear better.

Human: Military causalities were but a fraction of what they would have normally been had we used real soldiers, but there were other problems that soon cropped up.

Alien: Such as?

Human: Lack of morality was a large factor in the programs discontinuation.

Alien: Morality?

Alien: What use does a machine have of that?

Human: Because not everything is always black and white; there are shades of grey that only a living breathing person can recognize and handle.

Alien: Absurdity

Human: We used the robot CS95 battle machines during our initial conflicts. When it was deployed it was programmed to treat anyone holding a weapon as an enemy combatant and terminate them immediately.

Human: They cleared out an entire city in a single day before issuing the all clear signal.

Human: When living soldiers arrived to provide relief efforts they were horrified to discover that the entire city’s population had been massacred.

Alien: While tragic it sounds like a faulty programming error.

Human: I would say a big fucking program error.

Human: The programmer had not thought it necessary to properly define the scope of the term “weapon”, and so the machines began their own search on what classified as a weapon.

Human: There isn’t an item in human creation that hasn’t been used to murder another human, and so the machines deemed everyone they encounter a valid target.

Human: Men, women, children, soldier, civilian; it didn’t matter.

Alien: A lapse in programming quality still does not outweigh the benefits of bloodless wars.

Human: That’s what we thought and so we added additional layers of programming to better define combatants. So the next time they were deployed they would not make the same mistake.

Human: Unbeknownst to anyone an additional line of code was slipped in deep within the programming that designated anyone with a specific skin pigment as an active combatant, regardless if they had a weapon or not.

Alien: Why would they do that?

Human: They were what we call a “Nazi”, and thought people of a select orientation only deserved to live.

Alien: That’s horrible.

Human: Yeah.

Human: They kept spouting that shit from their court-martial all the way to the hangman’s gallows.

Human: The point being still that because the machines lacked any sense of morality they followed orders without question, causing untold damage and destruction on innocents.

Alien: Refinements in programming and further oversight can still correct such problems.

Human: So can a living soldier with a conscious.

Alien: Come now; a soldier can just as easily follow orders as the machines did and have the same result.

Human: The difference being that not all of them would.

Human: Some of them would realize what they are doing is wrong and question it, and if needed refuse said orders.

Human: We have even been aware of our short comings and made it the law of the land that if they feel an order is unlawful they can refuse it entirely.

Alien: Yet another contradiction.

Alien: Soldiers are meant to follow orders.  

Human: Wrong.

Human: Machines are meant to follow orders blindly.

Human: Soldiers are meant to follow orders with integrity.

[dolusectus]

INNOGEN THE LAPDOG [DOL PC/POI]

You are in an alleyway in the commercial district. You can hear the commotion of the high street, a figure once leaning on a wall straightens up into view. They're young—maybe nineteen—but built solidly under loose, baggy clothing. Their buzz-cut hair is a creamy tone of blonde, it's hard to discern the design slapped on it. You think you've seen them before, but the thought leaves you when they finally look up. The alley’s dim lighting catches on sharp teeth, glinting just slightly as they speak. "Yo," they greet, voice unbothered, almost bored. "Hold up a sec, you free to talk with a stranger?"

⥼║ False name: Innogen (Innoi)

⥼║ Real name: Eógan Ó Beline

⥼║ Pronouns: They/she/he

⥼║ Age: 19 years old

⥼║ Height: 5’8” (172 cm)

⥼║ Role: Lapdog

Innogen is a “questionably” trusted asset of Bailey, working as one of his goons despite being a ward of the orphanage themself. Often found collecting dues from other orphans, loitering around the nursery, or lending added muscle when needed. They attend school and live in the orphanage like you and the rest, but few can say they've actually seen them around. Their face, however, feels oddly familiar—like someone you've seen before but can't quite place.

[ UNLOCKING INNOGEN POI ]

Innogen is an unlockable POI when having an outstanding amount of missed payments owed to Bailey—precisely unlockable if the player has been staying at the orphanage (not other safehouses) and fighting off Bailey and his goons every Sunday. They're an added scale to the challenge of avoiding payment and making money. All first meetings engage into an encounter where the player can either agree to hand over the payment or not. Payment asked is small but will gradually increase with added 'interest' until the missed payments are completely paid for. When declining to pay, Innogen will reaffirm—once again asking, increasing stress. Declining once more, Innogen will leave, ending the encounter with the following line: "Okay, cool. See you at home."

Returning back to the orphanage, the player will find their room completely ransacked—any stored clothes in the wardrobe torn, all (bought) furniture damaged, and the bed hardly damaged but covered in a substance you're not willing to unknowingly touch bare-handed. A note will be posted on the now ruined mirror: on it, a cute cat face—eyes and mouth—is scratched in the middle. The words below are just as messy but readable: "Should have paid him. Hope you weren't attached to any of this."

This increases stress, lowers control, and greatly reduces any positive effects brought furniture could provide. You can either clean the mess, building up fatigue and stress, or simply buy new furniture—though with either choice, your room and items is at risk of being damaged again.

From then on, giving overdue payments to Innogen or Bailey will help lower your missed payments. Continuing to miss your payments, Innogen’s punishments will gradually worsen into more creative methods.

[that-house]

The Tarrasque Can Blow Me or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Make 5e Bosses That Don't Suck

HI, I'm Catherine that-house, and I play Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition almost as much as I hate it. I do this because I am a sicko pervert who likes to tinker with abysmal dogshit, not because it's a good game. This screed is dedicated to everyone trapped in the same mine as me.

D&D 5e combat sucks! Here's the flow chart for your melee champion fighter's turn:

IF BAD GUY: smack bad guy

IF BAD GUY WITHIN 30 FT: move to bad guy, smack bad guy

IF LOW ON HP: second wind

IF NO BAD GUY WITHIN 30 FT: dash towards nearest bad guy

action surge, take it from the top

IF YOU'RE FEELING DARING TODAY: maybe a grapple or an item interaction

And pretty much any non-caster monster has a pretty similar flowchart: there's no real back and forth, just the same set of actions over and over and the only time you have to pay attention on someone else's turn is for an attack of opportunity maybe. Finally one side reduces the other side's number to 0, and you can get back to roleplaying in your roleplaying game.

In general, I strive to make my boss fights hard and interesting, with interesting being the more important of the two. For some reason the wicked clowns working at WOTC got it into their heads that the only ways to make a fight hard are Bigger Number and Less Counterplay. I don't have any data on how they sought to make fights interesting because as far as I can tell they were too busy siccing the Pinkertons on people like it's the fucking 1800s.

Probably not all 5e combat is like this. But, like, look at the statblock for the Tarrasque, the CR 30 "strongest monster in the game" and try to tell me that that thing looks INTERESTING to fight. Difficult? Maybe, if your stats are bad. But INTERESTING? It walks at someone and murders the shit out of them, then rinses and repeats. The fetid dog turd that is the Tarraque is the perfect example of the Bigger Number, and even its meme status as the DM's "fuck you" monster is eclipsed by later additions to the game.

The other end of the "strongest 5e statblock" spectrum is shit like Sul Khatesh from Eberron, who earns the title of "most bullshit" by being immune to nonmagic attacks and creating antimagic fields. This is progress, because you might force someone to grapple it out of the field or something so everyone can deal damage! But this is still ultimately a pretty linear fight, not unlike fighting any other caster in the game, but with Less Counterplay.

My DMing style is pretty character goal-oriented, with the occasional bullshit superboss. We sit around for a few sessions while people pursue side projects and gather information, and then I subject them to the Horrors of a 5e fight that requires things like "positioning" and "planning" from turn to turn.

When playing a high level D&D campaign with insanely bullshit homebrew magic items and character-specific custom mechanics, it becomes necessary to pull out the big guns. The biggest guns. I'm talking a gun like my boy Hierarch Ozyas, undead demigod, father of monsters and heart of a living city, who had a meaty 2000 hit points and took somewhere in the vicinity of thirteen rounds of combat to bring down. Building bosses is an arms race and it's my job to lose in style. Here's Ozyas' statblock:

The bitch himself

Anyways I've been talking for a bit without actually saying anything of substance besides making fun of the Tarrasque. Which I will do one more time:

...deep breath...

D&D 5e is a pretty widely-disdained game by pretty much anyone who's ever played more than one RPG system. I myself only play it because I enjoy game design, and the thoroughly-beaten dead horse that WOTC calls a game serves as a decent foundation to do a lot of heavy tinkering. The Tarrasque is perfectly emblematic of all of the trash I have to wade through in order to get to the stuff worth keeping: it is an uninspired, anticlimactic relic of the past that didn't even manage to cling to a shred of its old glory and is instead content to wallow in the filth of what it once was, never once providing a challenge to any character with a flying speed. I would probably attempt to beat it to death with my hands (and fail, because it checks your character's stats rather than challenging you as a player in any way), but Jim the 1st level aaracokra with a save-forcing damage cantrip already solo'd it for me, so I'll settle for chewing through the throat of whichever game designer forgot they were making a "game" and submitted a three step flowchart for D&D's ultimate boss monster.

But anyways, I promised you a guide to how I design boss fights these days, so let's get to that.

Actually, first here's a quick aside about action economy that I didn't bother finding a place to fit in elsewhere: legendary actions are basically a necessity for any boss past level five or so. One big action is going to be a lot more polarizing than several small ones (i.e. one big crit on a large attack could completely flip the course of the fight, whereas multiple smaller attacks offer the same amount of damage output in a more consistent fashion). If you don't want to give your boss a bunch of HP to make it live long enough to take a few turns, you could consider giving it two turns in the initiative order (reducing the damage per turn to keep the damage per round constant). Low health minions are also a good way to pad out action economy, and even if they're easy to kill they tend to buy the boss another turn or two just from the actions it costs to take them down.

ANYWAYS, here's the core ideas I like to focus on in my boss design:

Keep them moving

Keep them working

Keep things changing

Reward good play

Punish mistakes

Make it a game

Along the way I'll be using snippets of the boss I mentioned above to illustrate examples of these principles and how they affected play. Let's begin.

KEEP THEM MOVING Positioning doesn't really matter in 5e. AoEs and movement values are both so large that you can easily get away with not having a battle map and sorta just tracking "in melee" or "not in melee." I run most fights without a battle map and just kinda track that, but for a good boss you need a map.

But how do we keep the game from just falling back into "move into range and hurt people," you ask? Simple: the Zone of Nasty. The Zone of Nasty is something on the map that is going to hurt the PCs if they're in it, and the Zone of Nasty moves. Depending on the boss, it could grow, shrink, follow a player, follow the boss, alternate between areas of the map, whatever. Some bosses might have multiple different Zones of Nasty that move in different ways and do different things.

There are other ways to force movement besides a moving AoE, such as punishing players for being too close or too far from each other or the boss.

The general principle here is that a boss should at times force suboptimal play: optimal play involves simply standing around, spending all your actions on damaging the boss, and it's incredibly boring from a strategic standpoint. There should be turns in which your players have to spend their action economy on protecting themselves or helping their allies. If they find themselves in a Zone of Nasty, it should force a decision between suffering the consequences to continue optimal play, or spending resources to get out of it.

Our boy Ozyas had a Cancer Field that he could move slowly around the arena that damaged and debuffed PCs inside it, and Pretender-God-Piercing Strike, a telegraphed line attack that oneshot anything that stayed in its area too long (more on this one later).

KEEP THEM WORKING Everyone needs a job to do! This job is probably just going to be based on what their class and abilities encourage them to do, but it sucks for someone to not be able to meaningfully participate in a boss fight.

Let the DPS players kick the boss's teeth in, obviously, but make sure the person who focused on AoE effects has some extra enemies that they can deal with. Bonus points if the extra enemies have something that forces them to be dealt with instead of just rushing the boss' HP bar.

Worst case scenario, throw in a secondary objective like completing a ritual, controlling a point on the map, or fighting the boss' soul on a higher plane to give someone who isn't immediately needed for DPS to still have something to do.

Ozyas spawned a bunch of extra monsters from these gross Birthing Pillars around the map, and killing the monsters and destroying the pillars provided a nice secondary course of action for people either not equipped to slug it out with the boss or not currently positioned right to fight him.

KEEP THINGS CHANGING The tarrasque sucks because it does one thing over and over until it works or it dies. The Theros splatbook improved on this marginally: Mythic Traits are fucking baller! Combats should change over the course of the fight, or this could have been a fucking autobattler. But we can go further.

In addition to occasionally shaking things up based on health thresholds, here's a few ways I like to do it:

Rotating list of effects that change every round

Huge list of options the boss can choose from for one of their effects with no repeats

Some sort of meter that increases and decreases based on what's happening in the fight and modifies the boss' abilities

Ozyas summoned new monsters every round and could customize the statblocks with a bunch of quick templates I whipped together, and in his second phase he started alternating between scaling the to hit/damage of his tentacle attack, the reach of his spear attack, and applying extra buffs to his summons.

REWARD GOOD PLAY These next two kind of tie together but the core idea here is that it's okay if a boss is a bit easy, as long as it makes your players work for it.

This can include things like ways to trivialize certain parts of the encounter as long as the players utilize them, typically at the cost of advancing other parts of the fight.

I knew that Ozyas was going to be a long fight, so I gave my players the ability to heal to full health, as an action, whenever they wanted. They were fighting inside Ozyas' body, and he was a generous host. However, any time they healed, he would be healed for the same amount. They got around this restriction by hitting him with Chill Touch to disable his own healing whenever people needed to heal, but that obviously had the cost of losing two actions' worth of damage output.

Towards the end of the fight, everyone was still standing thanks to that healing, but as he began to infinitely scale his stats once he reached his second phase and started taking them seriously, they couldn't afford to waste turns healing anymore and the safety net they built up by healing earlier in the fight kept anyone in the party from dying.

PUNISH MISTAKES The range on D&D characters' HP pools and general survivability can be pretty broad. I like to give my bosses a reasonably-heavy hitting melee and some sort of light ranged attack to remind the backliners that they too can die. But there's a third kind of attack.

The great equalizer.

The One Hit Knock Out move.

These need to be telegraphed. There needs to be copious time to get out of the area, or to stop the boss from using it, or whatever the case may be. But any superboss should have a way to threaten any player on equal standing: a move that will always hit if its conditions are met, and puts them clean to 0.

Ozyas' OHKO was Pretender-God-Piercing Strike, where at the end of each turn he would wind up a spear thrust with enough range to hit across the entire map, targeting a 15-foot line through the nearest player. Neither he nor the line could move after that, and if you were still in that line at the start of his next turn, you were done.

It wasn't hard to avoid: just walk like 10 feet and don't get pushed back in by another enemy. They even lined it up to target some of his own allies sometimes. But it forced them to think about positioning and stay moving, and there were a few times where it aaaaalmost caught someone in the line. The prospect of Instant Death really does wonders to ratchet up the tension.

And now, finally, we come to the most important part:

MAKE IT A GAME D&D 5e likes to jerk off while fantasizing about being real. "Catherine what the fuck are you talking about?" What I mean to say is that D&D makes a fumbling attempt towards a more simulationist style of game, trying to distance itself from the fact that it is, in fact, a game. It tries to comport itself like reality, such that every part of its combat makes sense in-universe, and then immediately falls short because it can't be assed to indulge in actual simulationism.

It is my belief that if you're going to spend 4 hours fighting a boss, and one of the boss mechanics doesn't really make much sense as an in-universe concept but does make the boss more interesting and fun to fight, then that's a perfectly fine mechanic. Obviously finding some way to justify it is preferable, but my bosses prioritize good gameplay over verisimilitude.

The upcoming boss in my campaign has a feature which puts the fight on a ten-round time limit before he begins kicking substantially more ass than he was before (and the prior ass-kickery was indeed already substantial). If this is a desperate fight with his life and his dreams on the line, why doesn't he open with that? If this were a WOTC statblock, barring a mythic trait, that's exactly how it would work. But fuck that, because it would make the fight way less interesting! Now there's time pressure! And sure, the post-round-ten version of the boss is meant to be fled from, not fought, but if he's at a low enough HP it could instead make for an insane climactic finish!

I let my players see the whole statblock before the fight. We talk through all of its abilities, and I'll even point out some of the potential points of complexity and the big risks to watch out for. There's no in-universe justification for why the characters would know this (beyond, perhaps "you're exceptional adventurers and are good at evaluating your foes"): in fact, one of the quintessential examples of classical 5e metagaming is the Guy Who's Read the Monster Manual. I think that's fucking stupid, though. With open statblocks:

Features can be game-warpingly deadly without instantly incurring a TPK born of ignorance. OHKO moves don't feel fair unless the counterplay is known

The players can strategize around the ways in which the boss is going to change throughout the fight

It's fundamentally fair. Some GMs just wait X turns and then let the boss go down when it takes a big, impressive hit (and I fully respect people who do that! That's still more compelling boss design than 5e's normal schlock), but I personally like when numbers have meanings.

You can still hide some information (I like to black out the boss' Mythic Trait, and then only use it if the players stomp the fight too easily), and you can still tweak it to adjust the difficulty, with the difference being that your players know it's being adjusted and how so (which again comes back to my feelings of fairness).

A few other fun mechanics to toss in include stacking debuffs that trigger something horrible at some certain threshold, additional win conditions or lose conditions, and silly little minigames. One trick I particularly enjoy is having my players secretly vote between two or more bad outcomes, and punishing them even more if the vote is tied.

CONCLUSION Your mileage may vary, but I'm hoping at least some of the insights here were useful to you! I have a particular strain of undiagnosed mental illnesses that make me especially predisposed towards piloting huge convoluted intricate bosses with 1k+ word statblocks, and I'm lucky enough to have players who know their shit well enough to play around this bullshit. Find something that works for you and your players.

If you hate 5e combat and think this sounds like way too much work to be worth doing, go play something else, like Pathfinder or Lancer or (heaven forbid) a game that actually struggles to trace its lineage of inspiration back to D&D. Go to itch.io and find some game no one's ever played before, and toss the creator a bit of money. The only way we're making it out of these goddamn Mines of Phandelver is if people try something new from time to time.

On the subject of cool games with cool combat, bear with me as I shill for a friend real quick. If you want a game that cares less about combat as an abstract dick measuring contest and more about combat as a facet of violence and all that that entails, check out [BXLLET> by @rathayibacter.

And, finally, from the bottom of my heart, fuck WOTC. Your books aren't even worth pirating, and the Tarrasque can blow me.

[reasonsforhope]

"The Hague made international headlines for being the first city in the world to approve legislation prohibiting marketing of fossil fuel-related products and services. This major ruling, issued earlier this month, seeks to limit the promotion of items with a high carbon footprint, such as gasoline, diesel, aviation, and cruise ships. The ban, which goes into effect at the start of next year, will affect both government and privately funded advertisements, including those on billboards and bus shelters throughout the Dutch metropolis.

This groundbreaking legislation establishes an important precedent in the global fight against climate change. Other cities have attempted to limit the reach of high-carbon items through council ordinances or voluntary agreements with advertising operators, but The Hague’s prohibition is the first that is legally binding. It is a major step forward for cities around the world that want to reduce carbon emissions and combat climate change head-on.

A response to global calls for action

The prohibition comes after UN Secretary-General António Guterres called earlier this year for countries and media outlets to take tougher action to combat fossil fuel advertising, citing parallels with existing tobacco advertising bans. Guterres stressed that, as with the tobacco industry in the past, fossil fuel businesses are contributing to a worldwide public health crisis—in this case, climate change. Governments can help change public behavior and prevent the normalization of high-carbon lifestyles by limiting their capacity to market.

Several cities have already made tiny moves in this direction. Edinburgh, for example, approved a council vote in May prohibiting fossil fuel-related ads in city-owned venues. The Scottish capital also prohibits enterprises that sell these products from sponsoring events or developing partnerships. However, unlike The Hague’s legislation, Edinburgh’s ban is voluntary and only applies to council spaces.

A legally binding first

The Hague’s new law is significant since it is legally binding. The restriction affects not only specific items, such as gasoline, diesel, and fossil fuel-powered vehicles but also businesses such as aviation and cruise ships. However, the rule exempts fossil fuel firms’ political advertising or efforts supporting a generic brand, allowing these businesses to keep prominence...

The impact of advertising on behavior

Advertising’s impact on consumer behavior is well-documented, and many experts say that fossil fuel marketing undercut climate legislation by encouraging unsustainable behavior. Thijs Bouman, an associate professor of environmental psychology at Rijksuniversiteit Groningen, stated that “fossil fuel advertising normalizes the use of high-carbon products and services, making it more difficult to change consumer habits.” ...

Catalyzing change worldwide

The Hague’s move may have repercussions beyond its borders, spurring similar actions in other cities around the globe. Cities such as Toronto, Canada, and Graz, Austria, are already launching campaigns to outlaw advertising for fossil fuels. In the Netherlands, both Amsterdam and Haarlem have outlawed marketing for climate-damaging products like beef, but these measures have yet to become legislation.

Sleegers believes that The Hague’s move will act as a spur for other towns to follow suit. “More cities have a wish to implement the fossil ad ban through ordinance, but they were all waiting for some other city to go first. The Hague is this city,” she said, predicting that more local governments will now feel empowered to act...

As the world grapples with the rising costs of climate change, The Hague’s pioneering move provides a potential model for other cities looking to minimize their carbon footprints. With cities like Toronto and Amsterdam keeping a careful eye on things, this legislation has the potential to start a global campaign to prohibit fossil fuel advertising. 

More cities may follow suit in the coming years, hastening the transition to a more environmentally friendly and sustainable future."

-via The Optimist Daily, September 26, 2024