#SPAMLORE

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{His mind goes silent. Your senses dull. A familiar presence fills the emptiness instead.}}}

So cruel of them. How lucky that you have me.

{{{You almost hear her distant laughter. She's muffling his senses like putting hands over his ears.}}}

Poor little virtue.. Don't worry. I'll stay for a while.

(Spamton slumps from relief, soaking in the blissful quiet. It's a nice reprieve, one he very much needed.)

* ...You helped me.

(He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth; of course She helped! Why wouldn't She? What a silly statement. He should be embarrassed, wasting her time like this. He could have handled it! He should have! He must look pathetic to Her.)

* ...Please... Don't leave.

(it's a stupid request. He says it anyways.)

[bestsalesman1997]

* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I AM [Awful]. I MEAN [Awe-full]. I MEAN. I MEAN. I'M [Spectacular Deals!!], I'VE NEVER BEEN [Better]!! YOU KNOW ME!!! I AM JUST SO [Normal] AND [Well-Adjusted]!! EAHAHA!

(He is obviously shaking. Like a chihuahua.)

* I HAVE. UM. I HAVE. I HAVE. [[An Amazing Offer!]] I MEAN I HAVE A [[Place to Stay]] NOW SO YOU HAVE A ROOM!! ISN'T THAT NICE. HAHAHA...HA.

* [[Audience]]!! BUDDY. PAL. CHUM. KID. [Offspring]. HELLO. HOW ARE YO UU.

- @bestsalesman1997

hi dad!! I've been doing great! I even made pizza with- wait you don't like him. Uhm. How have you been?

..Are you okay???? You seem spooked by something

[makerofmadness]

if there’s ever some kind of plot twist where Seam is evil (I am choosing to pray that that won’t be the case despite some slightly sus lines please Toby I’m begging you-) people better start comparing them and Magolor more. I keep seeing Spamlor on my dash and here I am wondering where the frick the Seamlor is-

like they’re both cat mage shopkeepers with crazy purple jester friends, they’re so easy to compare-

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{You feel something pressing on your mind. Her voice does not reach you directly without a rift, but you can tell it's a greeting. Then, absence. Seems She just stopped by for a hello.}}}

(He hums pleasantly at the greeting. He'd say hi back, but there's... really no way to, besides maybe praying. Still, it's nice to feel her presence.)

[bestsalesman1997]

[..Yet again, this person shows up.]

[Yet, nobody notices, everyone was distracted.]

[...]

[It took a few samples of the blood on the ground, from her recent talk with Spamton.]

[And disappeared again, taking the blood samples with it.]

[Leaving a / instead of an O this time.]

(Spamton walks by later, noticing the slash on the ground. He picks it up, inspecting it.)

* ....WHAT THE [[*%&!]] AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH [[These sweet deals!]]??

[bestsalesman1997]

(Spamton, with as much caution as a deer, starts to lean in close; but hesitates at the last moment, pulling away slightly.)

* YOU'RE [[Drunk]], ARE YOU SURE...?

{{{Another rip in reality opens in the house, and Soul stumbles out of it.}}}

{{{..She immediately flops face-first into the couch.}}}

Hey virtue...!

{{{She purrs, curling up on her side. By now, the slight smell of alcohol has reached you.}}}

I MAY have had too much too drink. Apologies.

* HHAS IT EVEN BEEN A DAY SINCE YOU MADE YOUR [[Mortal Vessel]]?? YOU ALL NEED MORE [[Hobbies & Interests]]...

* ...DO YOU WANT [[Warm & Cozy Blanket]]? OR...?

[bestsalesman1997]

* WELCOME!! WELCO ME [To my Garden of] SPAMTON!!!!

HEYHEYHEY!!! YOU'RE A [Curious Critter], AREN'T YOU?! I KNOW THAT [[Look at me!]], ADM1T IT!!! EVERY ONE OF YOU WNTS A PIECE OF SPAMTON!!?

WELL.

I HAVe. [[Good news]].

I HAVe. A N [Investment Opportunity].

JUST. FOR YOU.

YOUU GIVE ME [No such thing as a stupid question]. AND I. GIVE > YOU. [[Hyperlink Blocked]]. WHADDOYA SSAY, [ChumBucket]?!? WILL YOU TAKETH3DEAL?

SEND %ME MAIL NOW AND RECIEVE [[Riches aplenty]]!!!!!

GET THE INSIDE SCOOP BELOW: 🍝

Yeeeaaahh its a Spamton ask blog because I fell back into my old brain worms LOL. Welcome! Call me Fizz or Ettie, I run this account. Baby's first ask blog! If only my mama could see me now!

Very simple rules below!!

No serious NSFW. Joking is fine, but I'm a minor. I'm not huge on ships since I'm aromantic and romance-repulsed (and, I can't emphasize this enough, A Minor) but I do engage in 1 (one) OC x canon ship because it's really really funny (and if you'd rather not see that, filter out "HEAVENLYVIRTUE" in the tags!) - I also enjoy most Spamton ships but dislike Spamton x any Addison. Serious and joke responses. Dumpster Era Spamton (post-fame, pre-neo - before the Lightners arrive). Keep in mind this will not be entirely canon-accurate, but I do try my best. I think that covers it?

TAG GUIDE:

SPAMTON SPEAKS - post tag

MAIL DELIVERY - ask tag

REPLY2EMAIL - RP reblog tag (aka rp threads? not sure how to refer to them.)

FORWARD EMAIL - reblog tag

INSIDE SCOOP - ooc tag

KILL YOUR TV - tenna neg

KILL YOUR JESTER - jevil neg

SPAMLORE - LORE IMPORTANT posts!!

I'll do my best to TW & CW properly as well as to add spoiler warnings. If I don't reply, I'm either: thinking of a reply, Can't Reply without breaking the "canon" of the blog, or it just made me uncomfortable, but I trust you all to be respectful. Please be patient, it takes me a bit of time to keep my replies as accurate to canon as I can manage. That's all! Ask away!

[bestsalesman1997]

[...]

[Someone saw the entire thing happen.]

[But, before anyone could identify them...]

[They disappeared.]

[Leaving behind a strange symbol.]

[An O.]

* HEY!! COME BACK! WHAT'S...

(Spamton stares at the O, tilting his head curiously.)

* ...[O]H WELL. IT'S PROBABLY [[No fees]].

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{...Thoughts?}}}

* I'M. PLEASANTLY [Confused].

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{You feel Her presence again. Again, Her words don't reach you, but you cannot decipher a meaning this time. You do get a vague idea of checking your altar for Her pressed into your mind.}}}

{{{There is a note.}}}

"Greetings, virtue. I'm here to inform you that I am working on creating a mortal puppet-vessel for me to control. Perhaps It would allow me to interact with you better.

Signed, [Heaven.]"

(He reads hastily, the smile on his face growing at the news. Wonderful! He's ought to get Her a gift of some sort to commemorate the occasion. He'll figure out a way to ask Audience about Her favorite flowers without making it incredibly obvious he's in contact with their mom later...)

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{Heya pal. Someone eavesdropped on you and The mother. Have orders to get that guy. If you see someone named Forgotten anon, call me.}}}

{{{You got N3's Number!}}}

* YES, I... I [[Heard through the grapevine]]. I'M [[On the lookout]]! I'LL [[Call for help!]] IF I FIND ANY !!

[bestsalesman1997]

Y'ello! Figured out who that strange man that showed up earlier was!

it was @forgotten-anon, he saw what happened and yoinked some of her blood

they're now wanted by her and the three narrators

perhaps finding the anon would award you?

-helpful anon

* ....THANK YOU [Anon]! THAT'S. HM. WOW. I. CAN'T BELIEVE. SOMEONE. SAW. THAT. THAT. IS. SO. EMBARRASSING.

* I'LL KEEP AN [Eye] OUT!! AND AN [Ear]!! AND ALL MY OTHER SENSES [Dislodged] FROM MY [Body]!!!

[bestsalesman1997]

{{{Say, Spammy, pal. How the hell did you get Her to like you that fast?? I'm jealous!}}}

* I DON'T KNOW EITHER!! I'M [Horrified]!! I'M SO NERVOUS I COULD [Die]!! [Somebody help me!]

[bestsalesman1997]

(Spamton approaches with the caution of a stray cat.)

* ARE YOU ... GOING TO [[Hurt]] ME?? I DON'T...

(He looks conflicted. He doesn't look away, though. Not once.)

{{{You feel like you're being watched again. This time, instead of discomfort, it's almost a comforting- no, mischievous pressure. Like someone is taking amusement out of watching you.}}}

(ooc: the mother is like "this guy is funny I'm gonna watch him")

(Spamton stiffens at the feeling, breathing picking up a little. It's an odd feeling, being spied on by something much larger than you can comprehend. He wouldn't say he entirely dislikes it, it's just... a little frightening.)

* [Hello]? ...[Valued Business Associate]?

[bestsalesman1997]

* [!?!?] I FORGOT TO AS K FOR HER [Name]!! I'M SO!! MAD!! DO YOU [Know]?? CAN YOU [Tell Me]???

{{{...Thoughts?}}}

* I'M. PLEASANTLY [Confused].

[bestsalesman1997]

* OK4Y!! AWESOME!! HERE'S! THE ! [[Address]]!!

(He tears the little note with the address off of his keys and places it near Audience quickly, like he's scared he'll be bitten if he gets too close.)

* [[That's All, Folks!]] I CAM E HERE FOR. SO [[I'll be going!]]. HAHAHA.

* ...[[While these offers last!]]... H0W'S YOUR [[Mother]]? STILL [[Missing Persons Report]]??

* [[Audience]]!! BUDDY. PAL. CHUM. KID. [Offspring]. HELLO. HOW ARE YO UU.

- @bestsalesman1997

hi dad!! I've been doing great! I even made pizza with- wait you don't like him. Uhm. How have you been?

..Are you okay???? You seem spooked by something