#SPIRAL OF CONSPIRACIES

[ptts2023]

TM GAME TOURNAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 10 PART 04

Intermission Contents: Part 01: (Announcement 08 Part 06) [1.] Intermission On Writing Leading Students Redemption [2.] Intermission Update (02/18/25) [3.] About My Schedule And My Situation Part 02: (Announcement 08 Part 07) [4.] My Confession of the Painful Truth Part 01 Part 03: (Announcement 09 Part 01) [Technical Note] [5.] Proof Read And Make Correction [6.] This Morning Recaps [7.] My Confession of the Painful Truth Part 02 [8.] A Guide To the Names In Animation Industry and Video Game Industry Part 04: (Announcement 09 Part 02) [9.] Brave Attempt On Authenticity & Long Term Video Game Database [10.] My Video Game History [11.] Video Game Championship, Central, And Underdog (Beginning Part) (Not Done) Part 05: (Announcement 09 Part 03) [12.] Change Schedule To Face Challenges Part 06: (Announcement 09 Part 04) [13.] Please Help Me, Give Me Mercy, & Leave Me Feedback Part 07: (Announcement 09 Part 05) [14.] Humanitarian (AKA Serious Help) [15.] Controversy Leadership [16.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 01 Part 08: (Announcement 09 Part 06) [17.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 02 Part 09: (Announcement 09 Part 07) [18.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 03 Part 10: (Announcement 10 Part 01) [19.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 04 A. Bad Luck With Girlfriends Part 01 B. Going With What I Have Part 11: (Announcement 10 Part 02) [20.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 05 A. RV Campsite B. Bad Luck With Girlfriends Part 02 C. Pier D. Collecting Pictures of Nude Women Part 12: (Announcement 10 Part 03) [21.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 06 A. Bad Luck With Girlfriends Redemption B. Third Grade Year (Second Year In CPES) C. Fourth Grade Year (Third Year In CPES) D. Fifth Grade Year (Fourth Year In CPES) Part 13: (Announcement 10 Part 04) [22.] Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 07 A. It Is My Revenge? B. Final Part (Conclusion) C. Self-Forgiveness

Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 07 (Intermission Final Part)

My Situation Briefed Summarization

Pointing out the pressures in "Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope? Part 1-6": 1. I have to deny the "Odds Against Me" #1-7. 2. My life is very confusing. Each events in the list of events in my life is creating more confusions to the very confusing. 3. The more you try to fix the very confusing the more confusions you created to the very confusing.

I'm too upset to thinks about ways why people wanted me to die painfully and slowly. Why can I living together and sharing with the people?

Right now I could still write about my situation, but how long will that last?

To give myself a break is to says. People wanted me to kill myself. Instead of listing the many reasons why people wanted me to die painfully and slowly.

So, looking at my situation, I would argues that I wanted to have a manageable schedule. And, not thinking too much about what is going on. And, why there are so much pressures in my life?

I know that is what I want. But, that is not how the world function. Because I have to deal with the following problems in my life: No feedback on my PTTS posts at tumblr.com. Bad luck with girlfriends. And, my situation is very confusing.

Please no more. "The more you try to fix the very confusing the more confusions you created to the very confusing."

I'm just going says before a car run into me and kill me. Because I have no feedback mean that people could use that against me. I would argues it is like a blackmail or threat. Example: We have your weak spot. Or, we got you by the balls.

I'm tired of being very confused and have no feedback. That is why I asked that question, "Is it okay to have a little bit of hope?" And, I wrote the 6 parts on that question.

I think it is long enough. In addition, this is the part 13 of the intermission. So, I need a conclusion to both. I decided this content will be the final part. Final part mean the conclusion.

It is upset to think about small little thing like inviting a person over to my house for dinner. Could be a major disaster.

Because small little thing could be a major disaster, so people would be curious how did I found out that TM Game Tournament existed?

Regional Championship Title Holder. Grand Champion.

TM Game Pioneer. TM Game Tournament management. TM Game Tournament Magazine.

TM Game Tournament Database.

It is upsetting to say. First deal with being forced to commit suicide. And, let people know that TM Game Tournament existed. Then, #1-3.

What about the celebration? Fame? Wealth?

Going back to what I wrote above, "looking at my situation, I would argues that I wanted to have a manageable schedule. And, not thinking too much about what is going on. And, why there are so much pressures in my life?"

And, finish this final part.

Is It My Revenge?

My father, Chung Wun Lam most noticeable or highly acclaimed positions are chief engineer and consultant.

He would puts it at: His words would save hundreds of engineers working in the factory operating (dealing with) dangerous equipment. Vice-versa, if he made 1 tiny little mistake, hundreds of engineers life would be killed.

Growing up I keep hearing him says. You can't miss the chief engineer, because the chief engineer wear the red hat.

Putting the abusive parents, orphanage, and asylum to the side.

I would argues I'm being very respectful and sincere to my father's words.

But, there are circumstances. Sarcasm. Humor. Descent (Down With The Sickness). And, so on.

For now, to avoid the confusion. See it as the acting. Example: Pretend to be a pig to eat a tiger.

When does he put on his act? It is when there are strangers within a close distance perimeter? What is this perimeter distance?

I would argues I usually look at the surrounding when my father is talking.

Survival Mechanism Versus Stoicism

I would argues that I have to practicie stoicism. Because if I didn't translate the English language to my parents, then my family would have no foods to eat and no place to live. I'm part of my family. This mean I would have no foods to eat and no place to live also.

Stoicism mean learning how to accept pains and sufferings. And, learning how to endure pains and sufferings. Because of stoicism, I have to deal with emotion and temper also.

Stoicism have make me upset sometime reading a person's emotion and temper.

Back on 1993-1999 when I won all my Empty Handed Combat fights throughout those 6 years. A scenario where a foundation wanted to promote the Empty Handed Combat and saw my perfect record. Mean that I could be in an interview about the Empty Handed Combat.

I think that the interview would want to know about the following: was there upsetting emotion? Was there bad temper?

In this scenario, the interview going to be in the TV program. Back then, the TV program, the audience tend to expected more on survival mechanism than stoicism.

Time would change these values. But, where do you draw the line between: practice stoicism and no emotion?

I would argues in the TV program you hear people telling their stories about their survival mechanism all the time. It is expected.

Even though, it is expected. But, somehow if I'm telling my stories about my survival mechanism would becomes combat training. Or, to go further. Military drills.

On 1999. I'm 15 years old. I don't have connections to know what is going on. So, everything I said is based on my history experience. But, that interview didn't happen to me.

Back to my father.

I did spotted times when my father put on his acts. I have to watch out for the descent. Because chief engineer and wearing the red hat is more toward ascension.

I would argues even though I'm watching out for it and ready for it. But, it is not easy to deal with it.

It is a more of survival mechanism for me to says. He is an abusive father. This way I could cope with his acting. The words, bad humor is like being punched on the face. Example: You didn't see that humor, because it is a bad humor.

Nevertheless, I would argues I got pass those days where I translated the English language for my parents.

The argument is if I sees my father as just an average father. Not the chief engineer. Then, I don't need to use the survival mechanism to accuse him as an abusive father.

Around 1999. I'm around 15 years old. One day, me and my father return to our apartment. Our next door neighbors, a woman and her father also return to their apartment. Then, her father went into the apartment. She greeted me and my father.

My father told me that she is 14 years old. And, she goes to the same school, MBHS as me. Whatever struggles I have went through she have went through those struggles also. And, more than me.

From my experience, she look more like 18 years or older.

I would argues this is the circumstance act. Because I been translating the English language for my parents. So, I have to be more older than my age.

To further this argument I don't have a girlfriend, because of my situation and my history, so I'm much older than the MBHS students.

Like I'm saying I have to watch my surrounding when my father is talking.

The Abusive Parent Side of the Argument is my father want me to have a girlfriend. She is much older than the MBHS students. She live next door. She goes to the same school as me. My father had 6 brothers and he is the most handsome looking in his family. The same with me, I have been receiving praises that I'm the most handsome looking in my family. She also have beautiful appearance.

But, my father didn't said anything about I have to get a girlfriend.

In a world where courting girl is a job. Then, this scene make a lot of sense.

Going with the current. I been courting girls. My father giving me reasons to court girls. Girls like me to court them.

Going against the current. People stopping me from courting girls. Girls don't like me to court them.

Final Part (Conclusion)

I'm going to continue writing "Leading Students Redemption" documentary. This mean I have to end the Leading Students Redemption Intermission (Abbreviated as Intermission), so I could continue writing it.

I'm going to continue writing "Brave Attempt On Authenticity & Long Term Video Game Database".

I need to proof read and make correction of the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com. Also, I need to add Tags to the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com.

Because of #1-3, I need to conclude the Intermission and "Is It Okay To Have A Little Bit of Hope?".

Back to "My Situation Briefed Summarization".

The names of the fighters I fought against: Alfonso Berriel, Tony Quintero, Duong Nguyen, Edger Arenas, Quwe, Humberto Suarez, Marc Hua, Marlin, and Charles Washington. 9 fights I keep record of the names of the fighters. 11 fights I didn't keep record of the names of the fighters. Around 20 fights. I won all 20 fights. Miscellaneous Case: Ivan Castillo.

My Combat History: I won all my fights in the Unofficial Local Junior Empty Handed Combat league from 1993-1999. I won all my Sword Combat matches in the MBHS Fencing Class for 1 season, Spring 2000.

My TM Game Tournament History: I have 66 First Places in the weekly Pokemon Tournaments from 1999-2001. I have 43 First Places in the weekly Yu-Gi-Oh Tournaments from 2002-2004. I 63 First Places in the annually and weekly Heroclix Tournaments from 2002-2006. I have 8 First Places in the 4-Days Gen Con Event Drafting Versus System Tournaments on 2004. I have 20 First Places in the weekly Magic The Gathering Tournaments on 2010, 2012, and 2014.

My Early Year Video Game History: I purchased my first video game system, SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) and Killer Instinct bundle in "Toy R Us" store on 1996. I purchased my second video game system, an used PlayStation SCES (Sony Computer Entertainment System) and used Resident Evil 2 bundle from Margo on 1997. I win more than loose playing video game against players in the "Name of the Game" store from 1999-2001. (PlayStation: Bust A Groove) (Dreamcast: Soul Calibur and Power Stone) (Nintendo 64: Super Smash Brothers, 007: Golden Eye, Perfect Dark, and Super Mario Kart 64.). I won all my "Soul Calibur 3" Arcade matches against all the players I played against (an one day event around 2-3 hours) in Mission Valley Mall Arcade Center, "Tilt" on 2003.

Quick Note On My Mid And Late Year Video Game History: I purchased my third video game system, Nintendo 64 in "Toy R Us" store on 2000. I purchased my fourth video game system, PlayStation 2 SCES in "Toy R Us" store on 2002. I purchased my fifth video game system, an used Dreamcast from ebay.com on 2003. I purchased my sixth video game system, an used Nintendo Gamecube from ebay.com on 2005. I purchased my seventh video game system, PlayStation 3 and "The Last of US" bundle in "BestBuy" store on 2013. I purchased my eighth video game system, an used Xbox 360 in Stonecrest "Gamestop" store on 2014.

Portable Video Game System: I purchased a Gameboy Color Pickachu Limited Edition in "Toy R Us" store on 2002. I traded an used Gameboy Pocket and an used Gameboy Color with MBHS students in MBHS campus on 2002. I purchased 2 used PSP (PlayStation System Portable) in Stonecrest "Gamestop" store on 2014.

Note: 1. In "Brave Attempt On Authenticity & Long Term Video Game Database", "My Video Game History" section, I wrote about my video game history from 1999-2006. 2. Those video game systems listed is not for sell in my Online auction (ebay.com account). This mean I made the purchases of the video game systems to play the video game. Not doing selling business.

[Austere Correction (Adjustment/Augmentation) Begin]

The Austere Correction would point out the following:

Failure Argument: This argument is your life is finish the moment you got into an Empty Handed Combat fight, purchased your first video game system, joined your first TM Game Tournament, and/or purchase your first magazine that have nude women posting. Finish mean you will live a miserable life as a failure.

Addict Argument: This argument is you became an addict the moment you got into an Empty Handed Combat fight, purchased your first video game system, joined your first TM Game Tournament, and/or purchase your first magazine that have nude women posting.

[Austere Correction End]

Opposing Forces: Light and dark. Heat and cold.

Pressures: I have to deal with the criticisms, scandals, controversies, and conspiracies against Empty Handed Combat, Video Game, and TM Game Tournament.

I would argues that the Austere Correction, Opposing Forces, and Pressures is not the only problems. I have to look for connections and supports.

The standards and leagues for Empty Handed Combat, Video Game, and TM Game Tournament. Have made it competitive and constant growth.

I would argues the competitiveness and constant growth would lead to how am I going to hang myself?

Hang Myself 01: I'm having problems with getting connections and supports.

Hang Myself 02: Without connections and supports, there is too much works for 1 person to do.

Look at Austere Corrections, Opposing Forces, Pressures, Connections, Supports, Standard, and League. It is like I'm punishing myself. Example: There are no rewards/trophies for my achievements. Only punishments.

The argument is it is just a protester making a protest that people in the new age spend too much time playing video game. Why do you have to make that protest into Austere Correction?

I would argues I'm begging for help and begging for people to leave me a feedback. For a long time, I would frequently bring up not enough foods to eat. So, I would argues if I die of starvation, then what matter does it make protest or Austere Correction?

I puts it at: Read below, "Self-Forgiveness" section for my explanation on my management. For now, I'm going with the following argument: If you don't stand for something, then you will fall for anything. I'm going to stand for my history including my achievements. So, I will sees that my achievements is not a punishment against me. Also, I will defends against people who make arguments against my history.

Last but not least, because Video Game and TM Game Tournament is 2 different things.

Video Game: Offline Video Game is you are playing by yourself. Video Game is a virtual reality.

TM Game Tournament: TM Game Tournament you are playing against many players. You have to fill out the application form and pay the $5 entry fee. There are tournament rules, tournament coordinator(s), and tournament regulation. The battlefield is a miniature size to simulate the actual battlefield.

I have 199 First Places in the TM Game Tournaments have made me having the most First Places among the players I have came upon. Having the most First Places made me a Regional Championship Title Holder. Because TM Game Tournament is different than Video Game, so it is very confusing when people argues that I think I'm a Regional Championship Title Holder in video game also.

So, I would argues that talking about Video Game could lead to a head-on collision. But, my video game history have important events I have to talk about. Example: If you read above on my video game history from my first video game system to my eighth video game system. There is a story behind how I save up the money to buy it. And, how it have effected (influenced/inspired) my life.

Self-Forgiveness

Because I have been going through tough struggles and very confusing situation, so I want to give myself the following self-forgiveness: Whatever happen to me, I would self-forgive myself.

Self-forgiveness mean I'm not going to hurt myself with what if I did something different in my life, then my life don't have to be very confusing. Also, mean I'm not going to hurt myself with could of, should of, and would of. Done something to make my life lesser very confusing.

For a long time I been going through a lot of struggles to get notice by the following: Combat league (AKA combat training) management, TM Game Tournament management, TM Game Tournament magazine, TM Game pioneer, and Video Game management.

It going to come down to: I have a lot of pressures in my life. I have a very busy schedule. I'm struggling every hours of my daily life to deal with the pressures and very busy schedule. But, I have no feedback on the PTTS posts I posted up at tumblr.com. I have no connections. No one know about me. No connections and no one know about me would lead to I have no power.

In other words, I got a lot of important things to do and to says. But, I have zero power to do and to says those things.

For a long time I been denying the following. What did I do that is so wrong? Example: My father is the chief engineer. Because I have been getting the most math awards each years starting on 1995. Mean I have the highest math achievement (AKA highest math achievement title).

The highest math achievement title mean people would see that I have upper management skills. Example: managing skill, consulting skill, and conceptualizing skill.

Back to self-forgiveness. I have to stop keep being upset at myself for the problems in my life. Yes. It is true I did have got the most math awards each year starting on 1995-2003. But, being upset at myself is not going make my problems go away.

Final Note:

Please leave me feedbacks. I started posting up PTTS post at tumblr.com (first account link, tratct.tumblr.com) starting on December 2016. From December 2016 until now, April 2025 I haven't receive any feedback on the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com. This is my second account (second account link, versussystem2.tumblr.com).

I need donations to replace my broken cell-phones.

I need a cell-phone to verifies my gmail account. And, youtube account.

I need donations to repair or replace my camcorder that is not working.

My foods supplies could only last for months of time. So, I need donations. Or, if my account(s) are verified, then I could use my account(s) to do fundraising to make some money to buy some foods.

#1-5 is the high priority.

Like I wrote above:

I'm going to continue writing "Leading Students Redemption" documentary. This mean I have to end the Leading Students Redemption Intermission (Abbreviated as Intermission), so I could continue writing it.

I'm going to continue writing "Brave Attempt On Authenticity & Long Term Video Game Database".

I need to proof read and make correction of the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com. Also, I need to add Tags to the PTTS posts that I posted up at tumblr.com.

Because of #1-3, my exercise schedule, playing Diablo 3 and making the walkthrough guide, and the things in my schedule. So, my next post going to take longer than before.

[sforzesco]

BALAK, PANGAGAD

uhhh conspiracy. can be a courtship dance. ritual. so to speak. & hosting one in your house is an act of service

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Randomly thinking about “tolerate it” (narrator voice: it was not random) and how under the cloak of fiction it is ostensibly inspired by works like “Rebecca” (which Taylor said she read during the 2020 lockdowns I believe?), with the line of “you’re so much older and wiser” indicating that the speaker is significantly younger and inexperienced compared to the person she’s speaking to and a pretty direct reference to the plot of the book.

But I saw something somewhere once that stuck with me about how it might not be referring to relative age between the characters but chronological age as in the passage of time in a relationship. And that made me think about how in a contemporary context, it might not necessarily be referencing an actual age gap between the two characters, but rather a sarcastic or cynical response to the man’s claims that he has matured (“you’re so much older and wiser [than you were before/than you were when we met/etc.]”), which then made me think about that line in relation to the woman. And that it could be taken like, “you act like you’ve matured so much in our time together and like you know everything, while I’m supposedly still stuck as the girl I was when we first met.”

Which then made me think of the “right where you left me” of it all and did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen time went on for everyone else she won’t know it and the bit in Miss Americana where she talks about how celebrities get frozen at the age at which they got famous, and how she’s had to play catch up in a lot of ways not just in her emotional growth but kind of in general. (Which also made me wonder if she’s ever been called out for immaturity/lack of curiosity/lack of education about things in her life…)

Which then made me think about the rest of the song, and @taylortruther’s posts yesterday about “seven” and “Daylight” and the way Taylor idealizes her youth yet contrasts it with an almost sinister reality in its wake, and the line, “I sit by the door like I’m just a kid,” because the discussion raised that her relationship let her recapture some of the childlike joy and wonder she’d lost. So this line is a double-edged sword: the speaker sits by the door with childlike hope that the person will come home and cherish her, but on the darker side, feels like the child dealing with the monsters she doesn’t have names for yet and the feelings of isolation she felt as she aged.

I’m not saying the song is necessarily autobiographical; like most of the songs on folkmore, it’s clearly a fictionalized story based on media she’d consumed and created, but we know a lot of the fictional songs were infused with her own feelings and experiences and… This idea swirling in my head picked up steam and now I kind of can’t stop thinking about it. Sorry but I’m a little obsessed now.

Like maybe it might start to shed light on why she identified so strongly with the novel in the first place…

[vigilskept]

come to think of it, the chantry is absurdly overcommitted to their haterism. why don’t they grant secret pardons to blood mages & have them work for them under the table? oh u need some land grants from the nobility? call ur pet blood mage. they’ll make it happen. u don’t trust the first enchanters? call ur pet blood mage. they’ll sort it out.

[whtactch-dawnie]

actual politics rn send me into a bad spiral so i’m picturing the fact that bucky barnes is running for congress in the mcu.

because let’s think about this for a second. i’m assuming he won. they say “future” senator so im assuming he’s been elected or is presumed to win. what demographic does this guy hold?

definitely not older people. you’re telling them he was “a russian spy”? HELL no. the smear campaigns are absolutely dreadful. like, nothing bucky can’t handle, but they’re pretty damn nasty. the fact that he’s the fucking winter soldier does NOT help. some would probably vote for him since he was a sargent, or because they think since he’s from the 40’s he’ll be conservative (spoiler he isn’t but we’ll get to that).

younger generations though? they’re running laps. they’re making his campaign better than his team is (if he has one). the memes are legendary. you can’t go on tiktok without seeing an edit of bucky barnes and sam wilson to “good luck, babe!” a few are also making edits with steve, these idiots are going as far as finding lost wwii media and it’s their fucking backbone. no one works harder than people making crack edits on tiktok. it’s like the mcu’s equivilant to people doing that here— those edits do weirdly well!

and bucky is vaguely aware of them. he kind of accidentally feeds into them whenever he’s asked about sam during rallies. he’ll have this look and people will use it as “evidence.”

and of course people try to be like “bro that’s an ex-assassin from HYDRA” but it never works bc someone is already making an edit to a bbno$ song and saying “would.” / “get a load of this guy.” “I’M TRYING.” / “i’ve always had a thing for older men.” / “silver necklace?” shit gets crazy in those comment sections.

it gets better when people realize he’s 1) not straight, and 2) very much not a conservative. because then all these conservative folks are clutching their pearls and he really could not care less. someone gives him a sticker of himself with the progress flag behind it and he doesn’t know what to do, but he’s grateful. it ends up on the laptop he barely knows how to use.

in the end, thinking of senator bucky barnes is really fun to me when it really should not be.

[smile-files]

today on pl bluesky i'll shoot henry ten times in the head

[blue-grama]

I love Dr. Kan's lying ass so much.

[vaguely-concerned]

last record colt has listened to in his updaam apartment: pleasure time by aeon's very own frank spicer! :)

(and charlie's been listening to don't call, don't write!

is this in any way useful information/meant to be read into since the albums are very common assets across the game? no. but it is fun for me to go snooping around and read way too much into the details I find lol)

[mgu-h]

I feel like I’m constantly begging people to stop giving conspiracies their attention. I’m saying this as someone who barely survived both the 2014-2016 F1 and motogp seasons. I was so emotionally invested I gave myself stress ulcers (I wish I was joking). The journalists are obviously trying to push a very toxic narrative but that doesn’t mean that us fans need to push another equally as harmful one. Reddit, f1twt, insta comment sections and even tumblr are just full of people nefariously writing half baked rpf with none of the smut don’t fall for it!

god i'm sorry about the stress ulcers but i totally understand how it happened! it's so tempting when you care so much and are paying such close attention to see things that just aren't really there, or try to participate in events that are outside your control in a way that is toxic for your own mental health. the media does not help this impulse at all, with the way that close engagement to their narratives gives them the clicks they need to survive, but i think it's on fans to step back and try to keep perspective too, for sure.

also like, even if there ARE conspiracies behind closed doors, what exactly are you going to do about it as a fan except watch the result of whatever's happening? what good is it to yourself to get furious and paranoid about a situation you can't control? the drivers don't need us to play sherlock on their behalf, they know their situation better than we do, and i suspect they aren't thrilled when people refuse to take them at their word and instead chatter feverishly online about things they simply don't know about.

i just feel like it's doing the drivers a favor to not whip up narratives and to try to accept whatever happens without freaking out. we can care deeply and celebrate or mourn when things don't go our way, but we gotta relax in general, we just gotta hahaha

[softodettes]

just finished IF and i don’t feel good

[charlyarl]

Me: *hears a strange buzzing sound in my dorm room at night*

Also me: *remembers that one episode of sixty minutes talking about ppl w high security government jobs being memory wiped/brainwashed/falling ill bc of an undetectable frequency related (?) bioweapon used by Russian officials (?) so they could no longer do their jobs*

Me: it's probably the fan

[displayheartcode]

Do I disassociate while staring at my bedroom wall as anxiety crashes down on me?

[cyreneduvent]

The human brain really is designed for cooking up batshit theories

[freakurodani]

heartbreak because i am so close to being loved but i cant let myself cross that threshold, forcing myself to stay on the outside because i believe that i am just not worthy, that surely there is love, but it is not for me, so i am left bereft and aching, because i want it, i want it so fucking bad and its right there, its being given to me, but i refuse, i refuse, i refuse and why why why am i doing this, i want it, i want it more than anything in the world love me love me love me love me, prove me wrong, fight me because i am my own ruin, destroy me and build me up so that i can forget the me that feels unworthy, let me know nothing of worth, let me just know how to feel, destroy these hands that refuse to take what is given to them, crack open my ribs and shove your love directly into my heart and maybe they i can accept it like i so desperately crave

[thewingedwolf]

me: i feel like at every library i've worked out, there's been a patron or two that are clearly struggling with alcohol but aren't quite seeking help. do you have any suggestions for that situation? speaker: well the program is voluntary. me: yeah, but i mean...what do we do in these situations? speaker: if they aren't reaching out, nothing.

[fitzrove]

Started watching a "problem with greek myth retellings" video and it began with a blurb montage like "Condemned by the misogynist guys of history, this is the true girlboss feminist story of [A WOMAN]" and like. brb writing one of those about crown prince rudolf. It's ok he's like a misunderstood girlboss to me<3