#Space Time Mead and Cider Works

[thebeerthrillers]

Mead Review: Omicron Persei 8 (Space Time Mead and Cider Works)

Omicron Persei 8 by Space Time Mead and Cider Works – a Metheglin style mead for our Futurama Monday. Futurama Monday Back for our second week of Futurama Monday. Last week Futurama premiered on Hulu, and they continued with “Season 11” Episode 2 today – Children of a Lesser Bog. As I said previously – we will be doing a Futurama themed article each week, and later in the day I will be doing a…

[stalkerofthegods]

Lord Thor deep dive

Lord Thor is the god of lightning, he is a great protector and god!

Herbs •Oak, mountain ash, hazel, Donnerbesen/Teufelbesen, house-leek/Sempervirum tectorum, hawthorn, houseleek, tormentil, oak

Animals• goats, bulls, Tanngrisnir "teeth barer" and Tanngnjostr "teeth grinder”

Colors •Sky-blue, cloud-white, lightning-gold, and red, purity white. 

Crystal• moss agate, Amethyst, Lapis Lazuli, Sodalite, Turquoise and Sapphire, iron, Thunderstones, fulgurite, thunder egg

Symbols•Hammer, goats, belt, and gloves of strength

Jewelry you can wear in their honor • A hammer, a necklace of his runes.

Alter ideas• Thor’s hammer figures, model goats (ideally pulling a cart), weapons, shield, lightning-bolts, rainwater, garlic, leek, onion, hawthorn, houseleek, tormentil, oak, the runes Thurisaz or Sowelo, rocks, metal, rainwater

Diety of• God of war, fertility, thindrr and lighting and of the people, spiritual healing, sacred groves, protection 

Patron of The dead, rain, thunder, hallowing, spiritual healing, war, protecting, protection, birth, marriage, and death, burial, and cremation ceremonies, weapons and feasting, traveling, land-taking, and the making of oaths between men

Offerings• Mead, beer, goat meat, hearty foods with lots of meat, onions, and garlic, flavored coffee, whiskey, beer, hard cider, meat sandwiches on dark bread with good mustard, bacon, sausage, lunch meat and sources of protein that builds muscle, Donate time to an organization dedicated to protecting children from abuse, do heavy work for someone in need of it, Protect the needy, Escort someone to do something that scares them, and be there as a source of courage and moral support for them, hard wood, Dark chocolate (he said he likes it.), ground ivy

Devotional• working out, helping around the house, helping others and protecting them, Honoring your family and learning your history, keeping your personal space tidy or cleaning it up as an act of devotion, watch a storm from inside, spend time in the rain, put thunder/storm music when meditating or going to sleep, stand in the storm (at a safe place away from trees and metal objects), collect storm water, Write him a letter praising him, compliment him, read his stories from Prose and Poetic Edda, thank him for being the protector of the humankind, Light up a candle of dark blue/red/grey colours, Place your offerings at the base of a tree, Be yourself and honest, live your life honourably and truthfully, Wear a necklace of Mjölnir, Set and maintain your personal boundaries, stand up for yourself and others, give him something that you made, Take care of pregnant people, 

Ephithets•Tor, Ásabragr (Asabrag, Æsir-Lord), Ása-Þórr (Asa-Thor Æsir-Thor), Atli (The Terrible), Björn (Bjorn, Biorn Bear), Einriði (Eindriði, The One who Rides Alone, The One who Rules Alone), Ennilangr (Ennilang, The One with the Wide Forehead), Harðhugaðr (Hardhugadr, Strong Spirit, Powerful Soul, Fierce Ego, Brave Heart), Harðvéurr (Hardveur The Strong Archer), Hlóriði (Hlórriði, The Loud Rider, The Loud Weather-God), Öku-Þor (Oku-Thor, Ukko-Thor, Cart Thor, Driving Thor), Rymr (Rym, Noise), Sönnungr (Sonnung, The True One), Véþormr (Vethorm, Protector of the Shrine), Véuðr (Véuðr, Véoðr, Veud, Veod), Véurr (Veur, Guard of the Shrine, Hallower), Vingþórr (Vingthor, Battle-Thor, Hallower), The Thunderer and many others

Equivalents• Zeus (Greek), Jupiter (Roman), Hercules (Greek), Thonar (worshiped in England)

Signs of them reaching out• sudden signs of their animals, seeing goats, seeing hammers, suddenly drawn to him, all of the sudden interest in fighting 

Number• Thurisaz, Sowelo, nine

Morals• Morally grey, he does murder.

Courting• Sif

Past lovers/crushes• Járnsaxa (joutan), Sif (goddess)

Element• fire, air 

Personality• He’s a big flirt, he likes to be complimented and to compliment you back, He often displays a quick temper and is quick to engage in violence, even if violence may not be necessary, but he is kind, kinder than you would actually expect. 

Home• Asgard

Mortal or immortal • immortal 

Fact•Thor could even bring some things back to life, Thor was invoked at weddings, at births, and at special ceremonies for these abilities to protect and sanctify, his other names are Thorr, Thunor, Thonar, Donar, Donner, Thur, Thunar, or Thunaer.

Curses• tools randomly breaking, arguments with your spouse, you can your spouse fighting, marriage problems 

Blessings• safety at sea and bounty on land, blessing your marriage 

Roots• Indo-European make him generally accepted today as derived from a Proto-Indo-European deity

Friends• The Aseir

Parentage• Odin and Fjorgynn, or Jord, and Sif.

Siblings• Vidar, Baldr, Höðr, Týr, Meili, Váli, Bragi, Hodr

Pet• Tanngrisnir "teeth barer" and Tanngnjostr "teeth grinder (two goats that reincarnate every time they're eaten, and pulls a Thor's chariot)

Children •Móði, and Thrudr (Strength). He was also the father of three sons, Modi (Courage) and Magni (Strength), and his son Ull

Appearance in astral or gen• Thor is a huge, good-hearted, rough-hewn, red-haired and -bearded man with fiery eyes.

Festivals • Þorrinn, pronounced “Thorrinn” in English

Day • Thursday

Place• in sacred groves, including the one near Dublin.

Status• Norse deity in the asier, protecting Asgard 

Hates• Jörmungand (they kill each other), snakes.

His Tarot cards• Chariot

Scents/Inscene • Pine, Cinnamon, Musk, Nutmeg and Sage

Prayers• 

Sif & Thor 

I offer this prayer to Thor and to the Goddess Sif. Hail to You, Holy Ones. Hail to You, Protectors of Midgard, Hail to You, Son of Odin and Hail to You, His gleaming Bride. You hallow and drive out all pollution. You are mighty. There is no malignant force that You cannot banish. There is no threat, You cannot overcome. You are magnificent and Your grace protects me in the face of evil. Mighty Thor, wise, compassionate Friend of humanity, look upon us and wield Your hammer for our protection. Gracious Sif, You Whose gentle touch causes the grain to grow, please nourish us, restore us, and grant us the fortitude to walk in alignment with the Holy Powers always. Through Your blessings, may we grow strong in faith. through Your blessings may we grow strong in devotion. Through Your blessings, may we always resist impiety, may we be nourished as the grain is nourished under Your caring hands. In times of peril, come to our aid, I pray. In times of desperation, I place myself under Your care.nHail Thor, Son of Odin. Hail Sif, His Gracious Bride.

To Thor 

Son of Strength. I ask you to grant me that strength. That I may lift the weight of the day. Defender of Midgard. Grant me your skill in battle. That I may protect my family, my land and my kin. Bringer of Rain and Thunder. Grant me the ability to wash the weariness and pain of my daily work. That I may strike my next task like the blows from Mjolnir.  Son of Odin, Hammer Wielder, Giant Killer and Guardian of Man. I ask that you make me like the sturdy oak. That I do not break from the blows of misfortune. That I may not be crushed by the powerful. That I may be resilient and mighty like your own arm. That I may be brave to face the evil of this world. Hail Thor!

Links/websites/sources •

http://www.northernpaganism.org/shrines/thor/offerings.htmlhttps://www.reddit.com/r/pagan/comments/v3qn1e/offerings_to_thor/https://www.tumblr.com/freyjasdottirr/656705772435193856/how-to-worship-thor-for-beginners https://occult-world.com/thor/https://aminoapps.com/c/pagans-witches/page/blog/thor/7eop_a5jCPurvZk2W3QXxP55Yaen6YJzQZ taking-thymehttps://kids.britannica.com/students/article/Thor/313835#:~:text=Thor's%20wife%20was%20Sif%2C%20a,stepfather%20of%20Sif's%20son%20Ull.https://norse-mythology.org/symbols/thors-hammer/https://www.reddit.com/r/heathenry/comments/j30vk6/offering_prayer_to_thor/Charming of the Plough Prayer to Thor and Sif | Gangleri's Grove

@aretemisapollo

There you go, have a good thorsday

(it's funnier on Thursday)

I use resources, I do not own the info, and most deep dives have UPG (that I use in my work.) And I only take some information from sources. I am 14, this is my hobby, I am learning but I spent many hours and days on this, and I am always open to criticism. I have been doing worship for 5 years. Please know you can use the info, I do not sue, but I will take action if this work is used without permission and not put as a resource if used in any work. without permisson and not put as a resource if used in any work, for the public.

[survivalist-anon]

Log 16: A bark worse than his bite

Pine Hills most reputable bar: Big Foot Saloon. Ironically, we don't get bigfoot sightings here in Pine Hills, but with nearly 8ft space soldiers with occasionally some quirk about will probably confuse a few folks now.

The morning staff now finally get to have that night out drinking they wanted.

Fjord by this point was just enjoying himself, he was more familiar with a bar setting than I thought. He practically blended in, if were-vikings were common place the west coast.

Ronnie and guys were laughing about some plans they're going to make this weekend.

Jonas was telling us a story that happened to her for the billionth time.

Fjord intensively listening. As for me, my brain checked out a little while ago.

"-And so than, I had my tonsils removed, for the thrice", Jonas concluded.

"....Jonas I'm not certain you CAN remove your tonsils more than once...", I'm certain the last time she said 'twice'.

Frank hand walked up to our table with a rather sizable tab. "Here you go folks, hope you enjoyed your drinks", he looks to Fjord who had drunk a horrendous amount of alcohol, specifically beers, IPAs and I believe I recommended him an actual craft mead, he absolutely loved it. Yet he was more sober than I was with my one bottle of hard cider.

"Oh right, ugh, this be my 'treat'," he quickly handed the little bag of gold nuggets to Frank.

Frank takes the bag without question and promptly leaves.

Ronnie looked at me wondering why Frank accepted a mystery bag rather than cash (Frank apparently didn't believe in the American banking system). "Dang, thanks Fjord...that must have been quite the bill. That had to have been like...I don't know hundreds of dollars.".

Jonas nudged my shoulder again, "dang girl, is he loaded too?", giggling.

"Ah no worries, I just wanted to show my appreciation for being so welcoming.", his smiled warmly. Suddenly he snapped to head to the door.

Oh no.

Jeff and his gang were at Frank's tonight. I guess their usual hangover hang out at Tom's house may have gone wrong considering he lives with his mother.

I was sitting next to Fjord and I FEEL his growling. I had to whisper to him, "Fjord ...Fjord not here, you don't need to do anything.".

His eyes were locked on to Jeff, I was starting to get scared of he was going to kill him in front of everyone in the bar.

His friends from the station were laughing, meanwhile he still looked so drained, a little more rested but drained.

"Hey what are you looking at asshole!?", Tom aggressively spoke to Fjord from all the way across the bar.

Jeff turned around to see who it was...I could tell there was something brewing in him. I would feel more sympathetic to him if it weren't for everything I'd gone through with him.

His eyes shot to Fjord, it was a look of jealousy.

Fjord was standing his guard. Me and him knows he could take every single one of them. However I was more worried of the scene this could cause.

The others at our table began to worry, Ronnie looked at Jeff, than to Fjord. Whom by this point resembled a guard dog than that tall strong friendly weirdo who made wolves howl.

"Lorey, what's going on? Does Fjord know those guys?", the concern in his voice began to match my anxiety with the situation. I look to him and began to gently touch Fjord's arm to calm him down.

"Fjord, you can relax. Please. He isn't going to do anything....he can't anyway.", I felt like I didn't get through to him yet. So, I pull his arm a little, put my arm around his shoulders and place my face on to his, I didn't care about the pungent alcoholic smell from either of us... just close as contact I could get sitting next him.

It was for some... primordial reason....all I could think of doing.

Fjord, finally began to loosen his guard. "Lass?".

"Please Fjord, I'm ok, you're ok, and everyone here is ok...", all I could do is speak as if I was soothing him. I'm not even sure if it was the correct way to do it, but it was working.

He shuffled closer and wrapped his arm around me. "Yes, ok...thank you lass....".

It was a strange moment, time stopped, the sounds of the bar faded out, and it was just our hearts beating.

"Hey, man, come closer to us and-", Jonas was threatening someone as I had my eyes closed.

"-or what... you'll call the cops?", a dead toned, familiar voice had rung out.

"oh shit.", I whispered. I look up to see Jeff.... just standing next to our table. The look on his eyes was of betrayal? Bags under his eyes and an unblinking stare.

"Jeff.... seriously. Please leave us alone.", Ronnie and the guys at our table had not begun to raise their guard.

"....who's....the red head....", Jeff didn't ask...he just made a statement disguised as a question.

Fjord just turned to him, expressionless as he could muster. "....Fjord....you must be Jeff...."

"yeah..... you're not from around...are you?", Jeff was just looking at Fjord, trying to make sense of him. This huge, big red haired man, something about Fjord reminded Jeff of.... monsters...".... where are you from...Fjord?"

Jonas interrupted, "He's from Europe, Jeff, of course he's not from around here.", although Jonas could have been off by a few light-years. Her comment actually helped.

"oh...like...where.... Ireland.... Scotland?....", he continued monotonly.

Having no idea where or what was either of the two countries, "Yes. Both.", I couldn't help but think maybe Fjord was messing with him. "I have family there.".

Jeff just stared at him, than to me. "....you moved on pretty qui-", suddenly Fjord just barked at him.

"Wrouff!", it was as if I had a large but gentle dog next to me.

The scream Jeff let out along with the startled jump he did was the greatest comedic timing one could ever ask for. Not even on accident you could ask for a better jump scare.

He fell to the floor as his Tom, Beck and Mark help him up, "See I told you we should have gone to Portland today!", Beck scolded Tom.

"What and have my girlfriend find out?! Hell no.", he refuted.

Struggling to get his friend up as he was a bit tangled in the chair he felt on, "You asshole it was your idea!", Mark squeaked.

The gang was laughing harder as some of the patrons, who already had their share of grievances with Jeff's gang of friends, began to laugh too.

"Come on man! He wasn't even that loud.", Ronnie cackled.

I hid my laughter so I didn't make it worse for Jeff, Fjord's laugh sounded like the victorious chuckle of some fantasy hero who's just defeated a dragon.

"What is the matter lad? Dog got yur tongue?", Fjord quipped, the laughing continued.

Jeff quickly shuffled up to his feet, "YOU SON OF A BITCH! THATS ASSAULT OF AN OFFI-", Tom tapped his shoulder.

"Bro that isn't going to work there likes several witnesses and Chief already said you can't just say that.", Tom had made a serious point. Jeff for the longest time had always used that excuse whenever he had been inconvenienced by some of the people around. Now, it's completely pointless to do so.

Huffing angrily, "I'll get you for this! FORD!".

Tilting his head, "Ugh...it's Fjord.".

"WHATEVER YOU FUCKING SWED!!!!", he huffed again and looked at me.

Probably hoping for some cheesy revelation that Fjord is some highschool picking on the little guy trope....but it's not going to work anymore.

I just gave him a look of pity. "Jeff... please. I'm sorry for what's happened between us...but its really over now...".

The ball dropped for him right there. "...you know what....fuck it lets-", he was about to put up his fists until a heavy hand was placed on his shoulders. It was Frank.

Frank the only retired Navel officer in the whole time. He had trained out at sea for a better part of his youth, took absolutely no shit from anyone....and he wasn't just going to let a bar fight happen in his nice and reputable place.

"No pig fights allowed.", it was barely a warning, he just dragged Jeff outside along with Tom in tow, Beck and Mark were also being forced out but his brother and husband. All four where kicked out of his bar. "AND STAY OUT, chumps.". He went back behind the bar and went on like nothing happened.

Fjord was impressed by this, "Oh...thank you Frank! I owe you a debt of gratitude!", he waved.

Frank just grumbled to himself just satisfied that no one split nose blood on his nice clean wood flooring. "Oh, Pauly, can you please call Chief Colt and tell him his rascal son is causing a commotion again. He's also banned.".

Pauly cocked his eye, "Wasn't he banned from here last time for that Christmas party last year?".

Frank stopped for a quick second to think about that, "...well he's banned again until I forget.".

After a few more minutes, it was finally closing time.

Ronnie checked if it was clear for us to go to back to our cars. These guys were still police officers after all. "ok, looks like they left."

As everyone headed back to their cars and said their goodbyes, me and Fjord head back home.

I sighed from the fun, all though a little bit too close for a close shave situation, we had back at the bar. "Fjord I have to ask, why are you still so sober? I swear you had drunk like 2 gallons of beer or something.".

Licking his lips remembering the mead likely enough, "Oh yes. You see lass, all Astartes had a special organ implanted in us. It helps filter and purify any contaminats, poisons or anything that could inebriate us. However, life can be pretty boring of you're sober lass. So...we the mighty Vlka Fenryka, had found a cure for such an issue...MJORD. Unfortunately...I can kill mortals like you just by getting a whiff.", he laid back a little.

"Ah yeah, I remember you telling me that...", the mystery toxic concoction he told me about a while ago had me wondering. "...what is it made of?"

He gave a tilted smile, "heh, nothing that could be made 'ere on earth. It requires the vegetation and Fenric roots to ferment for weeks, than a ceremony has to be done to purify it so it don't just turn into some nurglelin sludge.", he huffed a little and looked out the car window to see the stars. "....I wonder where Fenris is from this planet....".

I could tell he was homesick, "you miss your home don't you?", I glanced over to him laying down comfortably.

"Well ...yes, there are aspects of Fenris I do miss...yet...so far here has been great too....it's... peaceful."

The word peaceful may mean two different things from both our perspectives. In my eyes, the world had gotten very dangerous....wars, the climate, the looming doomsdays that supposedly needs to happen.

Maybe from his world view, this place is peaceful not because it is.... because it isn't the world he is use to.

"Yeah, it's nice out here, I'm wondering...do you think I'd like Fenris if it was possible of me going?", wondering what he would say.

He looked at me a with shock, "Would fancy bein frozen the second you step foot on the cold sharp winds lass?", he said it with much urgency it was cute.

I giggled a little from his reaction, "no not really, funny enough it sounds like you lived in a place similar to Antarctica. It's the coldest place I know for certain.".

He sat there wondering about what I said, "ugh... pardon me lass but where is Antarctica?".

"It is a cold, isolated place in the most southern pole of Earth, it's name purely defined by the fact it has no bears.", I felt the need to throw that little tidbit.

The cogs in his brain were trying to figure out how dangerous were the bears on earth to the point we named a whole continent after not having bears.

He just laughed off, "Alright lass, such a strange planet this is... wonderfully strange."

We drove back home with the volume of the car low.

As we get out of the car, I checked my new yellow mail box for regular mail. Nothing new, just bills and useless advertisements.

We head inside and lay down to relax after an eventful day.

"So lass, I believe it is time for your slumber I presume?", he sat on the couch, laying his head back watching me place my things on the kitchen table.

"yeah, it's past midnight, lucky for me I have a day off tomorrow.", as I tell him this, that business card falls right out of the pocket.

"hmm.... Ben....I wonder....", I remember what Ben and his gang wanted to do but I had begun to wonder how much they knew of the space marines. "Hey Fjord, let's go out tomorrow. I want to do some...reconnaissance.".

He turns around, "Oh, what for lass? Is there something you think Aldercon needs to know about?", he gives a cheeky grin.

"Maybe, there's a guy in town who tries to find Space Marines. I'm wondering how much he actually knows...you know....to see if he could be helpful or a threat?", I look at him, he knows what I mean by threat.

"oh ok lass, do you need me to do anything for now?", he asked.

A bit of a strange question, "ugh, no I'm fine. I better get to bed.", I yawned a little, I get a glass of water for him if he needed something to drink in the middle of the night. "Goodnight Fjord, I'll see you in the morning.". I give his head a little scratch and caress.

"hmmm, goodnight lass.", his eyes close as he dozed off.

I turn off the lights and head to my room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Driving down the highway, a large bus full of people drive past the welcome sign of Pine Hills.

There was noise in the bus, chanting, incantations humming in the air.

The driver.....blank masked man.

An old, greyed lady in bright, fashionably colored robes lifts her hand up. "STOP."

The bus makes a stop in a camp parking lot, the bus door eerily opening, with the clapping of her sandles, the lady steps out and examines the clearing. She looks to the stars, uttering in tongues to herself.

Praying to something....or someone.

Turning around, with a terrible grin on her face, "COMMENCE....the pilgrimage! TO THE GREAT ONE!", pointing dramatically to the forest trail. "HE awaits.....".

As her command was heard by the group of 20 or so people. As they all get out from the bus in a single file line. They collect their things, and march to the mountain ridge.

The lady stays behind, waves her hand at the bus....as a pinkish and blue glow emanates from her palm, a familiar sigil appears.

The bus begins to fold, unnaturally like if it was being crumpled like a piece of paper. The driver inside, unreactive to what was happening. He too, began to fold like paper. With metal bending, glass cracking and plastic squeaking.

The bus had shrunk down into the size of a model toy version of the bus. The driver was strunken as well.

The lady walked up to the bus, picking it up and peaking into the bus. "Soon...the great one will consume this pathetic world...and create a new world. HEHEHE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!", her manic laughing echoed through the night.

What had once been considered an impossibility, had now begun to leak...into our world.

End of Log 16

@kit-williams @barn-anon @egrets-not-regrets

@gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @walking-natural-disaster @starfrost740

@squishyowl @sleepyfan-blog @lawnchair86

[honey-i-shrunk-the-son-inlaw]

The Kobolds of the Silver Caverns

The pups were born to an adjacent mountain to the Duegar of the Silver Caverns. The Silver Caverns is a crack in the earth surrounded by a mountain range. The cavern and mountains itself was original a Silver Dragons domain, over time transmuting the land as well as the ores into silver. The Duegar were beginning to run out of resources as well as space. So the Dwarves were seeking options to fix this issue. They found what they desired. The Kobolds are also a mining species even better than the dwarves themselves. The Duegar really didn’t mean anything hateful about the territory grab the Kobolds just ended up being a close and useful option. But the kobolds were not going out without a fight, with their superior shield formation tactics to make up for their short and weak frames, the formations mainly consist mainly of the shield wall and the shield dome. The shield wall can completely block of w mining tunnel entrance, and the shield dome can be used in open areas as a defensive bubble. Even still the Dwarves are a physically superior species, having larger size, strength, and constitution than kobolds. However The kobolds did manage to hold out for 3 days before having to surrender to save the den. The Duegar with a mixture of being impressed, astonished, and now having a new found respect for the species. Gave full citizenship to the Kobold pups in exchange the pack would have to work in the mines to gather precious metals, gems, and resources. In return they would receive 5% of the resources collected and are bestowed a small part of their original den to do as the Kobolds see fit. Ever saddened by their loss of pack members they carried on. The kobolds began to elect a new Alpha seeing as how the old one sacrificed himself for the safety of his pack. Following that election they created a communal living courters. Proceeding this they created a forge, tavern, as well as a barn and fields where the crops get light from glowing crystals. However, the Dwarves did not see coming was how the pups were exceptional at finding valuable items and the Kobolds ended up getting wealthy and large enough of a population that they created their own foothold within the Duegar society.

Our pack of pups were an oddity even amongst this. They were all of the same litter of 5 males, They called themselves Thee Shepherds Caravan. They had an uncanny team working skill even amongst their species. There was Elder, Sarge, Smith, Mason, and Medic. Ironically their names fit perfectly with their given roles as well as attitudes inside the pack. Elder is the more wise one of the group and is the brothers pack elected alpha; Sarge is a more militaristic kobold, he sees the take over as treasonous and wants to go to war with the Duegar city but also knows it to be not the right time; Smith is a blacksmith, he helps supply most of the tools they use like shovels, pickaxes, and mining helmets. Smith was also the one who carved the packs shields, made their sets of chain shirts, also he hand forged a complete matching set of silver black iron Damascus daggers for each member of the pack; Masons name Ironically isn’t his job title. He is the groups tinkerer, he supplies the squad with headlamps, time keeper, lighters, and goggles. Mason also helped come up with and create a gas-mask for medic. He also supplies medic with more filters as well; medic is the parties healer, making potions, bandaging wounds, treating illness. And also cooking food turns out if you know how to brew potions and grind salves then you make amazing salsas and birch bear for chips night. They would often frequent the “Silver Moon Tavern: mead, lamb, and games!” The Shepherds caravan would often drink lavender cider mead, dine on lamb chops. While they shoot dice, play poker, and train their minds with chess.

The pups would end up becoming a considerable famous or infamous group amongst the denizens of the Silver Caverns as a Mining squad. They are always coming back with hauls of treasure. The Shepherds Caravan even ended up receiving gifts from their Den in the form of a Mining chickadee to help with toxin detection named Wöckr. As well as a pigmy yak to help with cargo and mining spoils named Jüpsilä, Jüpsilä was snooty and often cantankerous yak but still followed commands well enough. Wöckr was quite the energetic though anxiety prone bird.

Together this work force was consistently bringing in profits for the Duegar city. Leading to major benefits for the Kobold citizens. They are now granted rights to claim 25% of the resources found in their territory, and 15% of resources mined in the main mines. The Kobolds were given 40% more territory within The Silver Caverns that they can now self govern. They even were granted the right to mint their own coins within The Silver Caverns, though outside of their territory they had to use the cities currency.

Story by me, artist found in the link below.

[thedosianexplorer]

Hagging Out - Winter Feasts Edition

(this will post on the expected schedule once all the surgeries and overtime are done, for now, Happy New Year fellow hags!)

The winter feasts (our collection of solstice, feastmas, and the new calendar year) were a quiet affair for my partner and I. We're high-risk so with Partner's surgery coming up we decided to stay home again this year and rack up that sweet, sweet double-time for that Christmas holiday neither of us celebrate.

Winter Solstice- if it falls on a weekend we vigil from dawn to dawn, but since this one was on a weekday we made hot mulled cider and mead along with a big cauldron of tomato meat sauce. Toasts to the gods, guides, and guardians of our space, and a brisk nighttime walk under the stars. This is also the start of our Yule observance that runs until Jan 1st.

Feastmas- this is the holiday my partner and I made up after we moved in together in 2020. We work on the 24th+25th so our Christian coworkers can spend time with their kids/families and we FEAST. This is the day no food is off the table for being too expensive at the store. This year I made butter/buttermilk for our cakes and offerings and we made our favorite dishes. The French goat cheese, the super pricy but oh so delicious sea salt crackers, still AND sparkling cider, fancy cured meats, and we patronized our local Chinese-American noodle joint (a very American way to say, "we don't celebrate this Christian holiday, let's eat").

New Year (12/31-1/2)- the end of year is more important to my partner and I, so we took a pointed break from all overtime and had a supremely restful five-day weekend. We held a vigil for the old year into the new, and lounged in bed to enjoy our leftovers from Feastmas. More offerings to our gods and our beloved dead/ancestors.

I hope everyone had a gentle end-of-year and my warmest New Year wishes to those who want them!

[grimoire2020aa]

Witch Date Ideas for different Witches

Kitchen Witch

Go to a homey bakery and let them go on and on about all the ways to enchant blueberry muffins.

(NYC) Go to eataly and get some good ass pastries or prosciutto and other delicious dried cuts, just basically eat around Eataly or go to Dough. 

(NYC) Explore supermarkets in places like china town, ktown, (eataly is great too) and get new foods or ingredients for them to try out at home. 

(NYC) Load your pockets with dollars and take them to a street fair and try every food/snack stand they want. 

(NYC) If they like beer take them to good beer and have one of the guys explain the different brews. If they like mead take them to Honies.

Green Witch

Go to a botanical garden and point to the prettiest flower and say “that’s you”

Start a date by giving them a bouquet with a special message by using the Victorian language of flowers, or your own correspondences

If living together, go to a local nursery and choose flowers to plant together at your home.

(NYC) Take them to Flower power and offer to get them a gift that they please. 

(NYC) Also be their buffer to killing their wallet cause that’ll happen at flower power. 

(NYC) Take them to any botanical garden. During the winter the Brooklyn one is free. 

(NYC) Take them florist shopping.

(NYC) Take them to the Kava bar in the lower east side to feel great after drinking nonalcoholic kava cocktails. 

(NYC) Get lost in the north woods in Central Park.

Hedge Witch

(NYC) take them to the beautiful greenwood cemetery. 

(NYC) Buy them some skulls or antlers at Catland. 

(NYC) Go ghost hunting in some spooky ass places like the abandoned homes of Govenors island or The Dakota building, but if it gets too spooky then have a picnic on the island or by Central Park instead!

Go pumpkin, apple, strawberry, or any fruit picking, then use the fruits/vegetables in cooking/baking.

Cosmic Witch

Take them star gazing and come up with stories about planets falling in love.

Take a car out to a quiet, rural place and stargaze. Watch from a blanket on the ground or the top of the car. If you want, you can take a telescope.

I’d suggest oddities since they sell meteorite and other spacely things though it could be costly there. 

(NYC) Museum of natural history has a great space section and planetarium too. 

(NYC) Stargazing in NYC might be tricky but if you go up to fort Tyron you might have a beautiful view nonetheless!

Sea Witch

Go to the beach and help them look for sea shells. Help them carry all the ocean water home.

(NYC) Take the Q35 from Flatbush Ave (last 2,5 stop) to fort Tilden. It’s the best beach since it’s the cleanest and hardly no one is there. It’s serene and you’ll find tons of shells. 

(NYC) You can stay on the same bus as it will take you to Jacob Riis beach. I find the water there way less clean with tons of algae BUT the seashells there are phenomenal! Like as huge as ashtrays. So if it’s cold and you want to just go seashell hunting I’d vote for Jacob riis. 

(NYC) Swimming is better for fort Tilden. If it’s too cold for the beach take them to a boutique called Oddities. They sell beautiful seashells and other incredible magical things in that shop. 

(NYC) You can also take them to the museum of natural history and chill in that gorgeous aquatic room with the massive whale that every child feared would drop on their heads and crush them. It’s a beautiful space. 

Lunar Witch

Bathe in the full moon together

Graveyard/Death Witch

Go to a local cemetery on a nice day and talk about all the headstones that speak to you.

Getting relationship advice from other spirits. Or traveling to graveyards To do exploring.

take them to the oldest cemetery in the area and do headstone rubbings together

Go people watching at a cemetery. You look out for the living ones and they’ll keep an eye on the dead ones

Take them to your local graveyard and let them tell you about what the ghosts of those who are long gone whisper to them.

Picnic next to a graveyard or a place that has a strong connection to spirits

Crystal Witch

Going to crystal stores and giving them rose quartz, because love.

Let them tell you about their own crystal collection as you browse your local geology museum/crystal shop. Ask them questions about their properties, and maybe even the chemical makeup if they have a scientific streak. 

Go to a craft fair and buy a crystal/stone piece for your loved one. 

Go to a gem mine to try and find some crystals, rocks, or gems

Energy Witch

(NYC) Get them a session at the Woom center. Take them to the tarot society to pet crystals. The tarot society and Earth Arts center also has soundbaths from time to time. 

(NYC) Avoid Times Square at all costs especially if they are super empathetic. 

(NYC) Design a candle together at Enchantments.

Storm Witch

If you live in the Midwest and don’t have a very strong sense of self preservation (like most of the locals), take them on a tornado chase with you and make out after you survive.

Just play in the rain with them.

invite them over when it’s raining to sit inside and listen to the pitter patter on the windows while you watch movies. Have rainboots and a coat ready if don’t want to watch a movie or want to do something fun afterwards.

Drag them into the rain and dance!

Desert Witch

Road trip to your nearest friendly neighborhood mesas/weird rock formations. Bonus if you listen to them talk about the area’s folklore

Divination Witch

Swap readings take them some where they can try new decks.

Space Witch

Go to the observatory.

Stare at the constellations

Enjoy a picnic under the stars

Fire Witch

Take them to a huge bonfire (possibly around Beltane) where you can talk and dance and everything, then take some ashes when you're done for different rituals!

(NYC) Sometimes flower power has an herbal smokes class you guys could sign up for. The people that work there would be happy to help you pick out herbs for your own herbal smoking blend! You can also go there to pick out ingredients for loose incense! 

(NYC) Namaste on 14th also has an amazing selection of incense. You can buy them a cute and quirky candle at flying tiger or pick materials for candle making together at Michaels. In the summertime go to Roosevelt island and have a bonfire in one of the fire pit/grills.

Necromantic Witch

Take them to a graveyard. 

Earth Witch

Start by leaving them a hand written letter to meet you somewhere. Have that somewhere be a beautiful hidden spot in the forest or anywhere that has to do with nature. Pack her favorite foods and bring her favorite book and take her on a forest picnic. Read to her (or have her read to you) as you just sit and enjoy each other’s company and Mother Earth around you.

Music Witch

Take them to a concert or a musical. Watch them get a little more into the rhythms than everyone else.

Go find some music and perform with them

Get a bunch of their favorite music albums (DVD’s) and listen to them together with or with out food

Try to watch a street performance or walk around downtown

Ice/Snow Witch

Ice skating! Or start a snow ball fight with them

Try making synthetic snow and play with it

Play with them on a snowy day, then enjoy some hot coco or hot cider with cookies

Building a snow man or playing in the snow on a snowy day

Try going to a cold place or a snowboard/ski resort to enjoy the snow and exercise

Bath Witch

(NYC) Take them to king spa or sauna castle (Korean bath and sauna houses) and try out every majestic sauna and bath together. 

(NYC) Take them to a shop like Lush or the Face Shop to try new things. Have a spa day at home with them.

Make a diy bath bomb or soap

Take bath with a bath bomb

Go to a sauna, onsen, or hot spring

Make a diy sauna with a humidifier in your bathroom or closet while you wear towels.

[nwbeerguide]

Now open in Coeur D'Alene Brian Engdahl welcomes you to Chalice Brewing.

Press Release

For Immediate Release: COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Chalice Brewing is preparing to sell its first beers on April 16, 2021 at the brewery in downtown Coeur d’Alene. “I’ve loved the natural beauty and community of this town for a long time,” said Owner and Head Brewer Brian Engdahl. “I couldn’t think of a better place to open Chalice Brewing and provide a space that brings the community together.” The brewery, located in a historic downtown brick building built in 1918, is soft opening on April 16 with intentions to provide full brewpub services sometime in 2021. Chalice Brewing’s three-barrel system will be Engdahl’s beer lab, allowing him to constantly tinker and refine original and historical recipes. His focus on small-batch recipes versus flagship products ensures consistent innovation and improvement. He plans to supplement Chalice Brewing’s 14 taps with the best traditional offerings from regional breweries as well. This boutique brewing set-up will also enable Engdahl to source local ingredients from North Idaho businesses for small-batch brews, meaning Chalice recipes will evolve with the seasons and reflect the region’s landscape. While beer is Chalice’s primary product, Engdahl plans to produce cider and mead in the coming years with a focus on resurrecting forgotten fermentations. “We don’t look back as often to appreciate the small things,” Engdahl said. “There are some amazing styles that no one ever hears about because they’ve been lost to ever-changing trends. I think it’s really important to honor the past and bring these historical recipes back to life.” Engdahl earned a double degree in Fermentation Science and Business Innovation Management from Oregon State University and acquired an International Certification in Craft Brewing from the Institute of Brewing and Distilling based in London, England. He then went on to work at Widmer Brothers legendary brewery in Portland, OR before becoming Head Brewer at Ancestry Brewing in Tualatin, OR. Chalice Brewing soft opens April 16, with walkup service and crowler sales to start. The Grand Opening is planned for Summer 2021. Chalice Brewing beers will be available on a first-come-first-serve basis. Engdahl plans to open the bar for full service in 2021. For more information and to follow Chalice Brewing’s opening, visit chalicebrewing.com.

from Northwest Beer Guide - News - The Northwest Beer Guide https://bit.ly/3tUla5z

[atgranger]

29, 43, 46 😁

29: How do you sort your shelves? (i.e. by color, author, title etc.)

By genre, then author and then release date. And also generally by how much I like them. Books I know I want to reread get the honour of a shelving space in my flat, my other books just stay at my parents.

43: Are you the kind of person who reads several books at once or the kind of person who can only read one book at a time?

I read several books at a time, sadly. I am very indecisive when it comes to actually picking up a book no matter where I left off and therefore if I don´t finish something in one sitting I´ll most likely read it scattered in between fanfics. But some stories just capture me and then neither sleep nor work important enough to put it down.

46: What is your favorite thing to drink when you read?

Tea, mostly. Sometimes when I´m feeling fancy I drink a cider or a mead, but Tea is the go to.

[hearthfeuillemort]

The Twelve Days of Yule! - Moon Night

Season’s greetings! Today I continue with the third post in my series on how I'll be observing each of the twelve days of Yule for the first time this year!  My hope is that my research and suggestions will assist and inspire to you try to observe all twelve days: either by yourselves, with your groups/covens, or with your families.  It would make me so happy if you’d send me an Ask and share some of your personal traditions and customs for celebrating Yule, so please feel free!

Yule, in the ancient heathen tradition, is a twelve-day winter festival beginning at sundown on the night of the winter solstice and ending on the day that we’ve come to think of as New Year’s Day.  Remember: lots of us have obligations or something else going on in our lives that might prevent us from observing all twelve days, and that’s totally okay!

Most of our modern Yule (and Christmas!) customs actually come to us from the ancient Germanic and Scandinavian heathen beliefs and practices, and Moon Night is certainly no exception. Though this is the third post in my series, I feel now is a really appropriate time to mention that very little information about these ancient heathens’ actual spiritual rituals and practices has survived to the modern age.  

After Viking Age peoples first encountered and clashed with early European Christian cultures, Christianity became the dominant (emphasis on “dominant”) belief system in early Germanic and Scandinavian culture and any and all practice or mention of the previous heathen faith was brutally suppressed. All of the information that we currently have about their mythology, cosmology, and religious beliefs has been through Christian historians and poets. They weren’t about to tell us how the heathens actually did their thing - if in fact they even knew - and as a result, today’s heathens are basically trying to piece together their beliefs and practices from what little information remains.

It goes without saying that I couldn’t find much information about how this night was traditionally observed, but I'm undaunted. This can actually give me a lot of creative freedom in how I want to make observances of the night. I already make observances of the moon and its phases during each month of the year, now I have an excuse to give the moon its own festival day!

So, here’s what I did learn: Máni’s realm of influence was represented both by the darkness of the night and by the light that the moon shines for hunters in the darkness. During this particular time of the year when the night was at its longest and crops could not be grown, the ability to hunt animals was vital to Viking Age heathens as a way to keep their families fed during the winter.  Both the moon and sun were regarded as gifts from the deities to assist humans in keeping track of the passage of time. It’s no surprise, then, that Máni would be a particular subject of veneration during a winter celebration.

Unlike the first and second nights, it seems the third night of Yule doesn’t have its own traditional name, or at least not one that survived.  I'm choosing to refer to it as "Moon Night", though if one were to refer to it as Máni’s Night that would be just as appropriate. If you’ve been following along with my posts, you may have started to notice a pattern: each of the twelve nights of Yule honors a different deity. Mother Night is set aside for veneration of the disir (Norse pantheon female deities). The second night, or Wild Hunt, is for honoring Odin as well as spirits and other supernatural entities.

The third night of Yule was traditionally set aside for honoring and making sacrifices to the old Norse god Máni, the god who was the personification of the moon or was said to reside inside it (the possible origins of the “man in the moon” belief!). The name of the god and the word for the celestial body in Old Norse were one and the same. 

Another interesting thing is that a couple of sources that I've found have suggested that this is the appropriate night to practice the famous Yule Log customs (which I’ll get into here in a bit), but this contradicted pretty much everything else I've ever read about the Yule Log. I'd previously read that the Yule Log should be lit on the first night of Yule (Mother Night) and allowed to burn for all twelve nights of the festival.  But there's a good reason that I didn’t go into much detail about the Yule Log in the first post of this series, and it has to do with some of the lore that surrounds it that isn't practical for me (and isn't practical for most people).

Traditionally, the Yule Log was enormous: it was more like a very large section of a tree!  After all, it would have to be big enough to last for all twelve nights! Usually, it was dragged from outdoors into the hearth - which back then was typically a huge dirt pit in the center of the home, surrounded by large stones - and was to be lit only by a piece of the previous year’s Yule Log which was saved specifically for this purpose.  Custom dictated that this log could only be either harvested from one’s own property or received as a gift from someone else, never purchased.  The log was then dressed with holly, mistletoe, and other seasonal greenery then doused with ale or cider before being lit by the aforementioned piece of last year’s Yule Log. The very best and most holy wood for the Yule Log was ash, as this tree was extremely sacred to Viking Age heathens. 

Once lit, it was common practice to leap over the burning Yule Log for purification and to invite luck for the coming year, to raise toasts over the log, and to swear oaths upon the log. In Viking Age culture, one’s oaths were considered unbreakable - tantamount to being legally binding in those days - and once an oath exited one’s mouth it was considered one of the greatest dishonors not to keep it. To do so would bring great shame to that person. Fun fact: this oath-swearing tradition is thought to be the origin of today’s New Years’ Resolutions!

Knowing what I know of this custom, there's no way I can work this quintessential part of Yule into my lifestyle. I live in an apartment building in the middle of a major city. I don't even have a fireplace, and most of us can’t get our log on in the way the old heathens did: few if any of us have huge, central hearths in our homes, nor large properties where we can just go around cutting down ash trees!  I couldn’t imagine having a raging fire burning in my home for 12 straight days, either.

It is for this reason that I suggest making Moon Night your night for observing the Yule Log tradition, though perhaps on a smaller scale.  If you don’t have a fireplace, consider making a “yule cone” - this is a neat little project that I stumbled across some time ago.  Take a found pine cone; inside each space place a small roll of paper upon which is written a wish or oath for the coming year.  You can turn this “yule cone” into a tree ornament if you like. Then when Moon Night arrives, find a safe place outside where you can burn the cone.  The smoke will carry your oaths to the sky, and hopefully, your deities will hear you!

If you have a fireplace in your home, then you get to go out to the woods and find yourself a sensible-sized log to serve as your Yule Log.  Be sure to collect winter greenery to dress it with, and to dress the log with ale, mead, or the consecrated beverage of your choice before you light it.  If you choose to then make oaths for the coming year over your Yule Log, keep in mind the seriousness with which our heathen forebears took oaths! Do not make an oath that you cannot or will not keep, or it will bring great shame upon you in the eyes of the deities!

Speaking of deities: I understand that not all of us make veneration of deities a part of our spiritual practice. If you choose not to worship deities or other supernatural entities but instead prefer only to honor the spirit of the season, that is still perfectly okay! In my opinion, there is absolutely no wrong way to observe Yule.  However, if you do choose to honor deity in your practice, Moon Night is an excellent time to make offerings to whichever lunar deity you have the closest relationship with.  

If not, why not have a Moon Night celebration under the night sky?  Instead of a Yule Log, perhaps an outdoor bonfire would suit your needs?  Many of us are already familiar with Moon Cakes as a treat, and tonight would be a perfect time to serve them.  Try to go for a general lunar theme with your livery and decorations. Get creative with your Moon Night celebrations, and please feel free to send me an Ask to share with me any ideas that you come up with for observing the third night of Yule.

Glad yuletide, and hail!

[thebeerthrillers]

Futurama Episode Review - The Impossible Stream and Mead Review: Omicron Persei 8 (SpaceTime Meadery)

Omicron Persei 8 by SpaceTime Meadery Futurama is Back Baby As we covered in the previous two articles: Good News Everyone, Futurama is Back: Exploring Futurama – Inspired Craft Beers and Book Review: Futurama and Philosophy (Edited by Courtland Lewis) – Futurama is back, starting today with the first episode airing on Hulu streaming (July 24th, 2023). Video Review I did a YouTube (video)…

[seidrstuff]

Ritual Basics: Creating Your Ritual

The point of any ritual is what works for YOU. You are the one building relationships with the gods, your ancestors and the spirits of the place/wights(referred to as the unseen for brevity) as well as any friends or family who are practicing with you. Anything I say here is a loose guideline.

I’ve drawn heavily on The Elder Troth: An Introductory Course of Study by KveldufR Hagen Gundarsson(which is an excellent guide for understanding standard Troth practice), some ADF bits and my Wiccan training for how I do rituals.

Questions before your ritual

What type of ritual would you like to do?

A basic blessing/prayer is known as a blot. All that takes is a horn/cup/glass with something a little special, like mead or sparkling apple juice or apple cider. However, if you can’t afford that, then water you have prayed over is fine. It is the speaking words of prayer or praise over it that make the container and what is inside sacred. Then you drink and pour a bit aside to pour out on the ground later(or if you are practicing outside, right there at the time).

A building block you can add is the sumbel/sumble/toast, boast and roast. A sumbel is toasting, or if you are practicing with others, passing the container of special juice around and have people toast a god/ancestor/spirit of place/person/event(depending on what your ritual purpose is). This is also a community building exercise, both between you and the unseen and between you and the seen. If you have accomplished something difficult, this is where you brag about that, take pride in it. If you need help with something, this is where you ask for it, so that the unseen/seen can help you. If you have something hard to do and would like someone to hold you accountable for doing it, this is where you vow to do the thing, with the expectation that the community, unseen and seen, will witness your oath.

What is your purpose?

Are you giving thanks? Are you honoring an astronomical event?(half of the “Wheel of the Year” is based on equinoxes and solstices). Are you honoring a widely held pagan holiday? Are you honoring a life transition?(birth, adulthood, marriage, identity transition, death) Are you asking for help?

Who are you asking/thanking/praying to?

Are you speaking to your deity/deities of choice? Are you asking your ancestors for advice? Are you asking the spirits of place to bless your garden/pet/houseplant?

Part of my practice is giving offerings/gifts to whoever I am speaking with. Each god/ancestor/spirit of place will have an appropriate offering and you get to choose what that is. For example, if I am giving thanks to Odin for his help with my disabled ass, I offer him a poem or a song(he also likes brain teasers and word puzzles). I try to choose offerings that are easily disposed of and take more devotion than money. I spent most of my pagan life poor, so elaborate offerings of expensive components is not something I do often.

Many deities have some overlap as to what offerings are acceptable, for instance in my experience, Frigga and Sif have a grain/cornmeal/barley/rye/flour overlap. My wife is gluten free (GF), which means we don’t have conventional flour in our home. I have gotten good results with GF oat flour and birdseed. In my experience, the Norse gods are especially impressed/gladdened by flexibility, frugality and ingenuity.

How many people?

There are practical as well as spiritual compromises that must be made whenever you add other people to a ritual. If you are practicing alone, the only person you have to worry about is yourself.

For a practical example, if I am doing a simple blot, I can do that anyplace I can hold a glass. However, if I am adding members of my household, then I need to clear out and clean up a space to hold that practice.

Practical considerations:

Are is there space for singing/dancing/gesturing? 

Is there anything that can be tripped over or run into?

 Is there a quiet space for someone to process their experience? 

Is it accessible to the people I have invited? (As I have grown older and more visibly disabled, I have to look out for pitfalls that many pagans don’t see). 

Is there enough parking? 

Is your space close to public transportation?

For a spiritual example, if I am doing a simple blot, I have a dedicated place that has been blessed and cleansed and holds the grooves of rituals repeated daily for years. However, if I am adding the members of my household, then I need to purify and cleanse that space so that it is easier for me to see it as sacred, protect it from the unfriendly unseen and help those people with me to leave better than when they came in.

Spiritual considerations:

Am I in a relatively stable emotional/mental state? 

If someone is affected deeply by the ritual, do I have the spoons to take care of them, to help them through their distress?

If I don’t have those spoons, do I have someone that can step in and do that?

Especially for people that are new to ritual work, the energy raised and used can be overwhelming. It can stimulate damage from religious or family of origin trauma. It can stimulate damage from past relationships with unseen and seen. It can also stimulate manic joy and gladness, which can be distressing to some.

As the host of the ritual, it is your responsibility to have at least thought about what to do if someone is distressed in your ritual.

Constructing Ritual Space

Wiccans have a cleansing/casting/calling routine for creating sacred space. ADF druids have an offering/calling cycle that invites the unseen. Heathens use a variety of sacred space creation methods, from making the sign of the Hammer over the assembled to the elaborate ritual laid out in The Elder Troth.

Purifying/cleansing can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. I like the four element Wiccan system, sprinkling salt water for water and earth and wafting incense for fire and air as I claim that space as sacred.

I also like claiming the space with fire, or carrying a torch or candle around the area, using a chant to Thor out of the sagas. Many Norse pagans just make the sign of the Hammer(which looks a bit like making a giant T in the air) to make a space sacred. The nice thing about claiming the place cleansed in the name of Thor also calls upon the most valiant protector of Asgard, adding to my mind an extra level of protection.

As a performance note, it is common during public rituals for the ritual facilitator to do the cleansing in the presence of the people as part of the ritual. Because of my increasing disability and general lack of spoons, I will either do that part ahead of time or have someone else say the words to reassure people during the ritual, even if I have set up my protections beforehand. So making that space sacred ahead of time is fine.

Many pagans keep that space dedicated for ritual use only. I don’t. Up until recently, I have lived in small apartments, so I didn’t have the ability to have a dedicated ritual space/room. That did give me the flexibility to honor Frigga in my kitchen when I’m cooking and Freya when I’m having intimate time with my wife and Odin when I am writing at my kitchen table and communing with my spirits of place while I sat on my porch. That put me in the habit of speaking with the unseen bit by bit throughout the day, which makes me feel closer to them continuously. 

Saying the words

One of the few things I am insistent on is: write what you want to say before you say it. You can use someone’s else’s words(Wiccans use Gardner’s ritual words, I use the prayers from the Eddas and sagas) read it off the back of your hand, forget it totally, read it from flash cards. That’s not the part the matters.

If you construct what you want to say beforehand, you are setting your intent in a way we in the modern world understand and respond to. (By writing it down, I don’t mean the physical pen and paper. Dictate it, draw it, paint it, sing it, dance it, type it, use any method that works for you)

Rituals are often constructed in three acts or multiples of threes.

Act One is the opening, establishing the space, blessing/thanking those unseen and seen in attendance, and explaining what the purpose is to the gathered(if this is a solitary ritual, you don’t have to explain why you are there most of the time. The unseen appreciate the heads up sometimes, but if you’ve established relationships, you can skip this. They know.)

Act Two is the heart of the ritual, constructed from why you are there. This is so varied that I’m going to use an example here from my household.

Yule is a very important holiday to me and my queer household. We always celebrate it in a much more elaborate fashion than any other holiday. This year, because of events in the outside world as well as personal transformations, we focused on the death and the rebirth of sunlight, as a plea for continuing hope.

Our honored deities were Sunna and her brother Mani, Frigga as the matron of our home and our spirits of place for keeping us so well over the year before. We also have some Hellenic and Etruscan practitioners in our household, so we made space to honor them as well.

We assembled a variety of offerings, some baked goods we had made for Christmas celebrations later in the month, some whole grains, wood, the last of herbs we had grown in the summer and household spices. We also had words we had written for those deities that are more drawn to poetry. We have the privilege of a backyard with a fire pit, so we could throw our offerings in the fire. (In the past, I have offered spring water, pennies, rainbows through prisms, and lots of poetry, more ephemeral things that I didn’t have to find ways to dispose of.)

We spent some part of the day thinking about what we wanted to focus on during the ritual. We gathered together at sunset and had our youngest member make sure all the lights were off in the house and then carried a candle around the dark house, “relighting” our home fires. Then we offered to our deities of home and hearth. Then we offered to Sunna to return and Mani to call her home. We made offerings and prayers through the night, and kept the fire pit burning until dawn. Then we thanked Sunna for her return and let the fire burn out.

Act Two of the ritual is the most individual, the most flexible and deeply dependent on what you want to accomplish. Simple, elaborate, informal, formal, all things you get to choose. In my experience, some unseen are more formal than others, and you will learn that as you build relationships with them.

Act Three is saying goodbye. Usually in the opposite order as they were invited or acknowledged, final offerings are given, final hugs are offered, final prayers flow between the seen and unseen.

Attending someone else’s ritual is a different thing and I will post some ritual etiquette in a later piece.

Please DM me if you have any questions.

Your mileage will most certainly vary :)

Sources

Most pagan worldview systems have problematic stances on queer people, usually non-binary and/or trans folx, although there are factions of all of them that are any queer antagonistic. I try to choose sources that have less of that bias baked in, but I am not always successful.

The Elder Troth: The Elder Troth: An Introductory Course of Study by KveldulfR Hagen Gundarsson (this is under $5 on Amazon and is a great guide with exercises and readings from the lore that correspond to almost any basic question you may have as a Norse practitioner.)

The ADF Dedicant Path through the Wheel of the Year by Rev. Michael Dangler (this is under $10 and has a different ritual construction that has some great aspects)

Wicca: A Guide of the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham (This was one of my first books about Wicca and it is super problematic as to gender binaries, so read with much caution. However, it does have some useful practices that have just gotten folded in to my practice)

Positive Magic: Ancient Metaphysical Techniques for Modern Lives by Marion Weinstein (lots of problems here too, in the same Wiccan binary ways, so read with much caution, but some useful techniques for cleansing/purifying)

[meadtwistedhorn]

Introducing Twisted Horn’s New Flavors for February

It’s time for new flavors on tap here at Twisted Horn!

We have been working hard to give you new experiences with our honey wine and apple cider that will be celebrated from Himinbjörg to Valhalla! Or at least when you and your fellow travelers come and join us for a night of fantasy and adventure on our Wednesday D&D Nights.

As with all our drinks, please enjoy responsibly, and stay safe within our mead hall and when you return to your home after celebrating with us.

Helm Wrecker

This apple cider, or Apfelwein, uses pressed apples, raisins, and wildflower honey that is then aged in rye barrels. Typically, when we ferment the cider, it can get to about a 6% alcohol content.

Helm Wrecker, on the other hand, lives up to its name with a 16% ABV! This cider is sure to give you and your fellow travelers a good time with its flavors of apple, prune, spice, and just a hint of cacao, all served on a nitro glass.

Helm Wrecker Cider is $3.00 for a taster and $8.00 for an 8 oz. nitro glass. This is currently unavailable in a growler.

Adam’s Leaf

There’s no need to feel shy with this new cider flavor on tap.

This simple dry apple cider is made with pressed apples, figs, and cacao nibs, all aged in a stainless-steel barrel for one year to give it a 6.8% ABV you’re sure to love. Get one for yourself or to share in a growler!

Adam’s Leaf is $2.00 for a taster, $7.00 for a 12 oz glass, or $17.00 for a 32 oz. growler.

Hemispheres

This new flavor of mead is a tribute to the late Neal Peart, the drummer for Rush who tragically passed from glioblastoma, a form of brain cancer, on January 7, 2020.

To make that year just a little bit better for us, and eventually for you, we have created this mead. We have made this honey wine with Star Thistle honey (which gives it a slight flavor of almonds, sweet molasses, spicy cinnamon, and hints of prune), yellow peach, and huckleberry.

The flavor of this mead and its 9.5% ABV is perfect to accompany you and your comrades as you soar through space with Neal and the rest of Rush as they play Cygnus X-1 (combining Voyages and Hemispheres will create an experience like no other). The off-dry character of this drink gives off a lot of flavors with its deep lush body combined with the berry and stone fruit.

Hemispheres Mead — Melomel begins at $2.00 for a taster, $7.00 for an 8 oz., and $23.00 for a 32 oz. growler.

Come enjoy these new flavors of mead and cider as well as old favorites like Freyja’s Obsession, Raz-R’s Edge, Ulfberht, Wyld Fest, and more!

The mead hall opens at 4 PM Pacific every night. Bring your friends, fellow travelers, and adventurers to nights of good food, great drinks, fantastic music, and epic tales with our weekly D&D nights every Wednesday, concerts, or spoken word performances such as last month’s tale of Sir Gawain & the Green Knight!

If your own adventures keep you from our festivities, you can pillage the mead at various locations throughout San Diego, Orange, Riverside, and Los Angeles Counties, or order mead online.

SKAL!

You can also contact:

Twisted Horn Mead & Cider

1042 La Mirada Court, Vista CA 92081 United States info@twistedhornmead.com (760)295-5888

[melonoverlord]

Also all of the ABCs for my pirate wife.

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

She has been training in the art of charm and seduction since she was five. And she’s damn good at it. Girl’s got a +8 to persuasion and deception and an 18 in charisma.

2. what activities have they participated in?

Talia did pretty much everything performative as a child: singing, dancing, acting, standing around looking pretty. It wasn’t until after she became a pirate that her activities upgraded to looting, killing, and having sex for funsies.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Swordsmanship. When she lived with her mother she wasn’t allowed to even look at weapons, but after she was orphaned she had to learn how to fight and she got good at it.

4. what things are they bad at?

She can read just fine, but was taught that ladies cannot be appreciated for their mind and must focus on the more important things such as beauty and how well you can please others so she finds it difficult to read as a hobby.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

It’s probably a tie between swordsmanship and charm. She learned how to sword fight in a relatively short period of time, but she’s been perfecting her charm since she was a child. She can seduce someone and then rob them blind in no time flat.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Brown

2. what is their eye color?

Brown, close to black.

3. how tall are they?

5′6

4. how old are they?

23

5. how much do they weigh?

115 lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Leaned back with only two legs of the chair touching the floor, ankles crossed on top of a table. If she doesn’t look like she’s j chillin all the time, what’s the point?

2. in what position do they sleep?

Usually on her side facing the door with one arm under her pillow, so if she sees anyone coming into her room, there’s a knife ready for her to swing.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Sitting on the edge of a beach and letting water run over her toes which a mug of mead in one hand, and Reyelle in the other.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Anything chocolate. Particularly chocolate cake because it was one of the meals she shared with her mother that her mother seemed to focus entirely on her.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

While captain, it was her first mate Ariadne and her navigator, Calliope. They both seemed to know what Talia had been through even if Talia didn’t know herself, and acted as her older siblings.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

She never really wants a house just because she’s been on the move her entire life, but if she were to get one, she’d want wide spaces so she could run and move about, and would decorate her home with her spoils of her robberies and a couple hanging lights because there’s nothing like a good light feature.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

A whole walk in closet so they can choose whatever they want to wear, a ton of “My First Weapons” toys including a toy sword and toy gun, any stuffed animals or dolls that they’d like, and a full library.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Her old room on the ship was decked out in many of the ornate blankets and pillows that she stole throughout the years as well as her desk which usually stashes more plundered treasure and a few liquor bottles. She makes sure her bed is next to the window (which is locked from the inside) in case she needs to escape during the night.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

Lots of long red dresses with frilly sleeves, long thigh high or knee length boots, a little tiara she stole from a noble, various ear piercings, and of course her snake choker.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

Honey, she invented the beauty trends.

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Not at all, and it’s a mystery to even Talia. She thinks what you see is what you get, but that’s just because her real emotions are hidden deep under six layers of sarcasm and frozen exteriors.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

She despises having to conform to the norm and would much rather go her own path.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

Nope, she loves doing her own things and causing a scene.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

If internet existed, she would be at the forefront, but since internet doesn’t exist, she just has to start trends on her own.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

She lets people figure out on their own, but it takes a while because Talia is very particular about how she portrays herself. She wants you to think she’s a stone cold bitch who would kiss you and then kill you, which is true, but even Talia doesn’t know she’s more complex than that.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

Stealing from the rich and giving to herself, sleeping with beautiful women, sometimes both at once. Also she loves doing Reyelle for fun ;)

2. what is their ideal party?

One that she doesn’t remember the next morning.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Reyelle obviously, and probably even Luci if she didn’t have her moral compass of a brother.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

I mean… yeah but where’s the fun in that. Her “conforming to the rules” type of fun is just getting drunk on the ship with her crew.

5. do they go out a lot?

Yeah, the Rusted Serpents make a point to go to a tavern and party wherever they stop to plunder.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

Her everything. Though if there had to be a specific feature, probably her facial structure. She has a very symmetrical, well structured face. And it knocks everyone away.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

When she actually likes someone, she will drop everything to attend to them, even if she tries to mask it under sarcasm. When she and Reyelle get close, Reyelle could basically ask Talia to do anything, and she’d do it.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You basically can have everything for free because she will steal it for you.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

Physically she loves every bit of herself because let’s be honest, she’s heartstopping. But she doesn’t like that she goes into quiet spells because she thinks it makes her weak.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

She does envy that other people get to have actual friends they know would be there for her. She’s a little jealous of the Wonder Twins that they have each other.

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Cold. She can handle cold, given she’s always at sea with the cool nights, but being hot and sweaty just makes her feel gross.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Summer. People are more likely to wear looser clothes

3. do they like the snow?

She was never allowed to play in the snow, but she always thought it was pretty. She hasn’t seen snow since she was child though since she’s always on the ocean where it doesn’t snow.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Tanning on the deck and going swimming in the ocean.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Drinking mulled apple cider and snuggling up to Reyelle.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

She’s been a blazing lesbian since the dawn of time.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

She was only recently been able to act on her sexuality, but she knew that she found men a little disgusting.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

Nope.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

She’s been with multiple genders since she was young, but was always expected to marry a man and she has a feeling they probably wouldn’t take kindly to her marrying a woman.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

She never came out to her family, and simply put to her crew (which is mostly female anyway) that if anyone had a problem with her sleeping with women, they were welcome to walk off the plank right now.

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Plundering, drinking, and women. And her true love be the sea.

2. who makes them happy?

Reyelle, Ariadne, Calliope, and Celestia. Though, now just the moonbeam since Ariadne and Calliope are dead and Celestia is missing.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

‘Primadonna’ by Marina and the Diamonds, and ‘Money Power Glory’ by Lana Del Rey

4. are they happy often?

She thinks she’s happy often, but plenty of people would disagree.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Sailing.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

A couple times her in her life: once in the ‘Dove Room’, once when she was orphaned, and lastly when she saw all her friends hung.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

Talia’s at that age where she only has one thing on her mind: homicide.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

The fucking assholes who stole her boat and killed her crew.

4. who would miss them if they died?

Probably no one. She’s hoping Reyelle but wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Probably everyone, if she’s going to be honest.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Blackberries

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Strawberries

3. are there any foods they hate?

Strawberries, and any type of poultry

4. do they have any food intolerances?

None that she knows of.

5. what is their favorite food?

Chocolate cake.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

She’d rather have a daughter, but would take care of either.

2. how many children do they want?

She thinks she could only handle one, if that.

3. would they be a good parent?

If she did have a child, she’d try her best and would do everything to keep her child safe, including threaten other children who dared to be mean to the only good thing in her life.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

Son probably ‘Nicolas’, ‘Alexander’, or ‘Christopher’. Something strong and classy. For a girl, she’d probably use one of her aliases with either ‘Adalie’, ‘Maria’, or ‘Nina’.

5. would they adopt?

Yeah, since she’s never having sex with a man again.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Go back to the ‘Dove Room’ or step foot in a noble’s house unless she was going to steal from it.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

She wants to murder the bitches that took her ship and killed her crew.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

She doesn’t know how people continue to have an optimistic attitude when everything in the world has pointed to going to shit.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

Anytime she was having an argument, or in a traumatic situation, she would physically become mute and stay silent for up to days at a time.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Comply with the police because fuck them.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

Pessimistic. 

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

If anything, she’s openly pessimistic and constantly will say how situations can go wrong.

3. are they good at giving advice?

Please don’t ask Talia for advice unless you’re 100% your friend because any advice she gives will probably be a hidden way of getting to do something for her.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

It used to be Calliope just because she always felt pity and concern for Talia, but now it would probably have to be Cordelia because that kid is too cheerful for the situation.

5. were they always optimistic?

She never really was optimistic, but her pessimism has grown over the years.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

It’s not necessarily a personality trait, but Talia is extremely resourceful and will make the best out of a bad situation, even if it means killing people to do it.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

She is one of the most selfish people you’ll ever meet (at least at the moment). When Roman went missing and everyone except Reyelle went looking for him, she was this close to asking Reyelle if she wanted to hightail it out of there with her and forget any of this ever happened.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Reyelle loves her wit, charm, and soft hear that Talia tries in vain to keep hidden.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Rey envies her ability to talk so easily to people and apparent laid-back personality.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

She hates pretty much anyone who’s overly optimistic and bubbly because she finds that a little annoying, but she also hates cockiness and an overt attempt to be macho. She also hates people who snitch, Roman.

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Never unless its a means to steal from someone. She’d go to her grave before she admitted she couldn’t do something.

2. do they ask questions in class?

She tried to ask help when she was tutored, but only if her mother wasn’t around. The tutors made sure to be as specific as possible just so Talia wouldn’t have to speak.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

Nope, good luck asking Talia anything she doesn’t want to answer. She will stay silent and keep the secret to the grave.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Usually just to get a rise out of people or to distract them while she robs them. A lot of things Talia does is usually a distraction to rob them.

5. are they curious?

Yes, but never acts on it because she was taught that a lady’s mind should be kept secret.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

Up until she became a pirate, Talia followed every rule she was ever given, but now unless you were a specific person, you can never get her to follow any rule. The only reason she didn’t lie right out to the police is because she was hoping they’d let her go if she complied.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

She would be an extremely laid back parent. As long as her kid doesn’t talk back or is out for more time than is safe, she would let them get away with literal murder.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

All the time. Her mother knew exactly how to punish Talia and it worked every time.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

She regretted every time she broke any of her mother’s rules.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Any law. What if she just really, really wants something more than another person. By right, she should be able to call it hers.

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

Absolutely. Talia would not have survived this long if she wasn’t.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Not willingly unless Rey was with her and then she’d feel so guilty that she’d give a couple coins just to appease her.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Plenty of times. She once got kicked out of a tavern because she caused a bar fight because a man called her “doll”.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

It’s mentioned above that a couple times she was attacked before she joined a crew and it was one of the first times she killed someone. There was also that time they walked on that pile of corpses and they were all arrested.

5. are they cautious when out?

Extremely so. Especially now that she doesn’t have a crew and she’s effectively on her own along with some very strange people.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

She’s probably lied more in her life than she’s been honest.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

She’s got a +3 to insight and is usually at least skeptical of everyone she meets, including Reyelle when she first met her. She always takes what people say with a grain of salt just in case they’re using her the same way she’s probably using them.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

Nope, pretty much not at all. Like I said, girl’s got a +8 to deception.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

She does regret lying to Reyelle about taking her aboard the Rusted Serpent to take her around sailing, just to steal from her and leave her stranded. Partially because she feels super guilty that she stole from her only to run into her again, and two because Reyelle really does deserve the world.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

She absolutely despises whoever knew her last name among the Rusted Serpents and spread it to everyone, because now her party knows who she is, though hasn’t really seemed to feel the sense that they know exactly who she is.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

It’s less bullying and more mutiny, but when working as a captain, it took a lot to get some people (particularly some of the men working) to trust her in a leadership position and tried to bully her out. It only took being on the business end of a rapier and a threat that she promised to make good on for them to not their bullying in her face.

2. have they bullied anyone?

Oh definitely. She’s bullied some of the first crew, her crew now, and flat out stole from some of her party. She likes bullying Roman though. Just because he’s a dick.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

When she was on her own, some men on the street tried to attack her and pushed her against the wall and it was the first time she killed someone without using a weapon. She basically gouged their eyes out with her bare fingers.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Abso-fucking-lutely. It’s why her ship’s been stolen and two thirds of her crew are dead.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Some of the people on her first crew knew who she was and were extremely surprised (and a little intimidated) by how fast Talia learned how to swordfight.

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

Nope, she’s got a stomach of steel after a couple years at sea. She will only vomit if she sees excessive gore.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Not anymore since she’s used to being at sea, but starting around six or so, she got sick a ton as child and had doctors and nurses see her whenever she wasn’t working.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

Not at all. If someone is sick on the ship, you won’t see Talia for days around that person until she’s 110% you’re better. The only person she ever got near when they were sick is Celestia, and that’s because the teen gnome is one of her favorite people.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

She usually doesn’t like to be touched when she’s sick (unless you’re Reyelle) but with Rey she would like having her back rubbed and being kissed on the top of her head.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

Both cough and hiccup, both of which she hates. She usually sits over a bucket and just feels sad.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

She drinks a lot but none of it’s water. She drinks enough to stay alive and keep her skin clear.

2. have they learned to swim?

She learned to swim as a child, but was retaught as a way to survive by the first crew she joined.

3. do they like to swim?

It’s one of the more relaxing pastimes she has.

4. can they dive?

Yep, sometimes its the only way to get off a ship.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yes, she’s pretty good at overall swimming.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

She actually really loves the tango. Dancing to it, not so much, but she loves the sound.

2. do they have a favorite song?

“El Tango de Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge or “Bad Girls” by M.I.A

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

If she listened to modern music, it would probably be Lorde, Halsey, or Lorde.

4. can they sing well?

Among other things, she’s a trained singer (mostly for classical opera and genres along that line), so she can sing beautifully.

5. can they rap?

She was never given the chance to learn how to rap because it was deemed ‘unrefined’, but after a lot of practice, she’d be able to pull it off.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

19? I think I made it in the summer and I didn’t have a name just “half-elf pirate who’s a professional lesbian”

2. what inspired you to create them?

I was just going on a dnd kid making spree (which included my halfling bard Granny), and decided to make a pirate character and I was shook with her beauty.

3. were they different when they were first created?

Her original backstory was a lot less sad and less room to be a reformed asshole, and now I think out of my pcs, her’s is the one that’s most fucked up.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

She is very fun to write, especially deciphering between how good should I make her when she is neutral evil right now, and how do I make her not as shitty so she can be better in the future.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

She’s sad and gay. Also she’s going to be my first reformed asshole.

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

Siamese cats

2. do they like animals?

For the most part no. She’s had bad experiences with animals, especially regarding symbols.

3. cats or dogs?

Cats. Dogs are the devil’s anus. Too loud and boisterous. 

4. what’s their dream pet?

Something nice and quiet like a turtle. Though she wouldn’t really mind a cat. It’s fancy and ruthless, just like her.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

No, though maybe whatever the fuck Jerome is could be considered a pet.

[kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd]

    The tavern is packed tonight, every table and barstool full, every bed upstairs reserved. Of course there’s no mystery to that. There had been a new round of quests posted; bounties, missing posters, pleas for help with monsters terrorizing villages and groups of thieves that needed taken care of, and even some things as simple as the blacksmith looking for an apprentice or help with farm work. Most have a reward posted, some don’t, but few of either ever stay up long. The mission postings are across the street, so The Cracked Anvil Tavern is the closest one for people to prepare at, and do they ever.

I pour another round for the folks at the bar: four dwarven lagers, two elven meads, three barley stouts, three Quadiran ciders, two ales, and another absinthe. The last for him tonight, I thought as I handed the glass of vivid green liquid to the tall man at the end of the bar, who had already had enough that his face was flushed the same bright red as his hair. He downed the drink, and almost on cue he fell out of his stool and decided that that was close enough to a bed. The crowd around the bar consisting of those who got here too late to find a seat adjusted around him and continued their various conversations.

    Around the tables that take up the rest of the first floor of the tavern, various groups of adventurers eat their meals, drink their beverages, and discuss their plans. Two half orcs with draconic golden eyes, one in heavy armor with the mark of the dragon god Bahamut on the crest, one in scorched leather armor and a cloak with a suspicious amount of pockets on the inside, seem to be settling a sibling argument in their usual way: a drinking contest. A crowd has gathered around their table, and I pour twelve more shots of Dragon’s Piss for one of the waiters to take to them. When it arrives, the crowd starts cheering as the orc twins, who come here frequently enough for this to be somewhat routine, start downing shots.

    “Ready to give up yet, Dorn?” the one in the cloak says between their first and second shot, breaking their sober facade with a burp that most likely could have caught fire had there been a match lit.

    “Not till you admit that my plan is better, Mihratt.” Dorn is doing… less well. He’s trying his hardest to seem sober, but his eyes seeme to be having trouble focusing, and he’s swaying in his seat. No one could blame him; this is their third round of Dragon’s Piss. Still, he seems determined to get his way. He downs another shot, and cringes.

    “Starting on the roof and working our way in is our best bet. We know there’s a roof access, we know it leads into the servant’s staircase, and we know that will take us wherever we need to go throughout that section of the castle.” Mihratt knocks back another shot. “What do you have against this plan?” An elf moves through the crowd, bumping against the members of the audience the two have gathered with their dispute and murmuring apologies as he makes his way through.

    “Sentries. Sentry towers. They keep archers posted at all times. We should knock out a couple of guards, take their armor, and blend in until the time is right. We know that there’s a patrol on the hunting grounds scheduled for that night, there will only be two guards posted on that patrol, and we can sneak in and out easy as long as we avoid other guards.” Another shot, and a groan. “Plus, I’m scared of heights.”

    “We have wings, Dorn.”

    “Didn’t ask for those.”

    Mihratt snorts out a laugh, any semblance of sobriety gone. When they sit back up, they say, “I guess that’s fair. If we do it right, we might not even have to fight anyone. Probably won’t, but that’s never stopped us before.” They look at the seven shots remaining on the table, unnecessary now that the dispute had been settled. “Are you gonna drink those?”

    “Hells no. It’s a miracle I made it this long.”

    Another table gets knocked over, sending bottles flying and shattering to the floor in an array of green and brown glass, and I look at the source of the scuffle to see the elf that made his way through  the now-dissipating crowd being lifted a few feet off the ground by his throat by an angry-looking orc woman. “You want to give my pouch back?” she asks with a voice like rusted nails.

    “What pouch?” the elf asks unconvincingly in a strained, high-pitched tone. The orc shakes him a little, and an impressive amount of pouches, wallets, and loose gold falls out. Tavern patrons check their pockets, and upon finding their possessions missing, become outraged.

    The orc raises the fist that isn’t holding the elf, before looking at me and thinking better of it. She nods and carries him outside by his throat. I see the look of regret on his face as he gulps audibly. A large portion of the patrons follow, some to get their things back, some to watch them.

    There’s a silent understanding in taverns like mine, you see. They’re neutral spaces, and that neutrality is enforced by the patrons. Troublemakers don’t stay long here.

    Wordlessly, someone rights the table that was knocked over in the fight, levitates the broken glass into a rubbish bin, scoops up the coins the pickpocket left on the floor, and drops them into my tip jar. I smile and reach to pour them a drink, but they step briskly out the door, leaving only a few stragglers in the tavern.

    I help the man who once sat at the bar up off the floor and lead him up the stairs to put him to bed, leaving a glass of water on his nightstand. Gods know the poor bastard would need it in the morning.

    Walking downstairs, I take a moment to take in the tavern while it’s still quiet inside. The tables have glasses and bottles in various states of emptiness (or fullness, I suppose, depending on who you ask), but every plate is empty. The green wallpaper adorning the walls is peeling in some places, especially near the wooden support beams that line them, but they’re mostly well-maintained. Most of the furniture matches to some degree, in that it’s mostly made of the same birch wood, with the exceptions of a few armchairs and settees that have significantly more padding. Those are arranged around the grey stone fireplace, which contains the remnants of a fire that had been burning bright when I started my shift, but now dwindles to embers. I pile more firewood onto what remains and stoke the flame. Then, once it reaches a satisfying heat, I reach into a pocket on my apron and drop a sprig of cinnamon bark into the fire- an old tavern-keeper’s trick that I learned from my mother in the years before I inherited the Cracked Anvil. It overpowers the scent of alcohol and makes the place smell inviting.

    I sink into my favorite seat by the fire, a puffy chair covered in furs and blankets. This the first time I’ve sat in nine hours. Posting days are always the busiest, and today was no exception.

    Those that were outside trail back in, with the notable and unsurprising exception of the pickpocket, and upon seeing me in my chair, walk upstairs, some taking their drinks with them. A few pat me on the shoulder as they walk past. Most leave a generous amount of gold somewhere I can see it. I sink further into the chair, the furs soft against me, and rest my eyes for a moment.

    Today was a good day.

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Unadulterated Crack part 2

pairings: Thorin x reader

warnings: None? 

word count: 6,000+

Author’s note: uhh, I wrote this around thanksgiving and christmas so you’re gonna have to deal with holiday feels in May. Also I made the quest start in fall so yeah.

--- Part 1 --- Part 2 --- Part 3 --- Part 4 --- Part 5 --- Part 6 --- Part 7 --- Part 8 ---  Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 — Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 --- Part 18 --- Part 19 --- Part 20 --- Part 21 ---

After insisting they get an extra pony for Bilbo, everyone had a pony, and their supplies were on their horses, despite you assuring them they wouldn't need half of them with you there, you set off. When the dwarves were making their bets about whether Bilbo would show or not, you said, "I bet you that he shows up. I also bet you he quickly realized he forgot his handkerchief and insists we turn back to get it."

Kili said, "I bet you he remembers it! He's practically attached at the hip to that thing."

When Bilbo showed up, you turned to Thorin and quirked an eyebrow at him as he said, "Give him a pony." After Bilbo was on said pony, and everyone tossed around the betting gold, Bilbo did indeed realize he forgot his handkerchief and demanded everyone stop. You looked at Kili, held out your hand, and said, "Pony up bitch."

Kili smirked at you, and handed you a single coin, you glared at him. Before you could growl at him, he said, "You need to be specific with what you want before agreeing to something. Otherwise people will take advantage of you." then looked like he was bracing himself for a scolding. But instead, you simply threw back your head and laughed, "Right you are! You are very clever Kili, and you presented it with wit, and tact might I add. You've got spunk kid, and I love spunk. Here have this as a reward." putting the coin he gave you in the bag with the coins Dwalin and Nori gave you, and tossed it to him.

Fili cried, "Hey! Why does he get free money he didn't earn?" 

 You smirked at him and chuckled, "Oh he earned it, I was not expecting that at all. If you remember what I said before, your world provides me very little mental stimulation. So I'll take it where I can get it, and reward them for it. Plus because I wanted to give it to him, and it was mine to give. If you were smart, you would have kept your mouth shut and tested to see if I'd give more out  in return for making me laugh, or enjoy something."

Kili piped up, "Yeah, what she said." as his older brother pouted.

  You turned to Bilbo and said, "Here Bilbo have one of mine, I have plenty." reaching into your bag, pulling out one of soft squares of fabric, and handing it to him. Soon as the fabric touched the skin of his hand, he jerked it away like it electrocuted him. He cried, "I can't take a silk handkerchief from you!"

"It's fine Bilbo, I have like twenty of them, take it I insist. Plus it's not even one of my good ones, so chill bro." you sighed.

  He reluctantly took it, and muttered his thanks. You felt anger and jealousy flare up in Thorin's mind, although out this exchange. But he didn't act on it, he kept his mouth shut, and didn't even look at you. You smiled at Bilbo, and excused yourself to go tend to Thorin and his jumbled emotions. When you and Wilhelm trotted up to Thorin and Minty, you asked, "A penny for your thoughts?" Thorin threw a confused sideways glance, that feigned disinterest, at you. You smiled, and clarified, "I want your opinion on something."  

He huffed, "What is it?"

"Well today, in my culture, is a holiday known as Thanksgiving. Usually we have somewhat of a feast at dinner. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind letting everyone stop come night fall to partake in it. I know you guys don't celebrate it, but I have never spent a Thanksgiving away from my family before. I would feel a little sad spending it alone. I'd provide the food, and drink. I'd just would like to spend it with good company." You explained.

  Thorin paused, before asking, "What does this 'Thanksgiving' celebrate?"

"It means different things to different people, but to me it celebrates people from different cultures working and living together, the fall harvest, and most of all giving thanks for what you have." You replied. (a/n: this is what I like to think it’s about)

  Thorin muttered, "What type of food will there be?"

    "A roast turkey, sweet dinner rolls, cranberry sauce, yams with marshmallow, spiced-and-candied-carrots, mashed potatoes with turkey gravy, stuffing, deviled eggs, apple cider, mead, ale, coffee, and most of all pumpkin pie with whipped cream. Not to mention that there will be cheese trays, and relish trays to snack on before dinner." You answered, and added, "I've never been away from my family for so long, I guess I'm just a little homesick. Plus it'll give you an inside view of my culture. Not to mention there will be entertainment before and after dinner, either sports or movies."

    Thorin was apprehensive about letting everyone stop and partake in your holiday. Not because it wasn't from his culture, he really wanted to do this for you. If it would make you happy, he'd do just about anything. He was worried about the other's letting down their guard and getting attacked by orcs. You smiled and said, "By the look on your face I can tell something is bothering you about it. How about when we stop at lunch I show you the place I wish to have this meal."  Thorin shot you a confused glance. You chuckled, "Remember I have the ability to pull things from my world to this one. That includes structures, Thorin, I know festivities tend to be noisy, and people let their guards down. But I assure you, the structure I have in mind is more fortified then you can fathom and is more than secure."

  Thorin nodded, and said, "If I approve of it, then yes if the others want to partake in it, I will allow them to."

    At lunch time everyone stopped at a clearing, and dismounted from their horses. Thorin came up to you and said, "I want the others to see it as well to see if they feel safe in it as well." You nodded your head and manifested the house. It was a large modern concrete house with large foot thick windows of blast-and-shatter-proof glass. The only entry point on the outside were a couple of three ton steel door, with no physical key to open it, just an electronic code. Thorin announced what was going to happen and asked Gandalf to watched the horses. You said, "That is not necessary, there are stables around the back, they will be fine there. They will have plenty of hay, and water as well." leading Wilhelm and everyone else to the stable door. The stables were just as fortified as the house, with high windows of the same glass, and three feet thick concrete walls as the exterior structure. Inside there was one stall for each horse and pony, each stall has an automatic refilling water trough, and a trough of wheat, barley, oats, and hay, and had a large pile of hay on the ground if the horses felt inclined to lay down.

    Once the horses were in the stables, you showed them the house. Inside the decor was in a post-modern style, and was white, various shades of gray, black, and one color of the rainbow in each room. The living room was large and furnished enough that everyone had a couch or chair to sit on. None of the furniture was white, they'd be on the road so they were bound to track in dirt. The few things that were white where coated in a hydrophobic spray, as were all of the lavender accents in the room. You said, "Each of you have your own bed rooms as well. I tried to make them to suit your personalities as best I could, if something displeases you about them just tell me what you want and I will endeavor to get it right."

    Dwalin muttered, "This place is nice and all lass, but those big windows will break real easily if we get attacked."

    You smiled and snickered, "No, those windows are just as, if not more secure than the three feet thick stone walls. They are meant to withstand explosions, they are a foot thick, and are shatter-proof. They also have an anti-scratch coating. Take a swing at them with anything you like. If that doesn't make you feel safe, then you should know that if anything taller than four feet comes in a hundred foot radius of the house, eleven inch steel plates will cover all of the windows in about three seconds. We will still be able to leave even then, there is a tunnel in the stable that is about a mile long that goes what ever direction we will need to go to get to Erebor that we can take our horses through." You turned away from him and continued, "Now, so that the house would not go too high above the tree line there are only four stories above ground. So some of your rooms are below ground, I hope that won't be a problem." Only to be interrupted by a loud bang of metal on glass. You ignored it, as Bilbo said, "Whelp, this is good enough for me." 

  You turned to him and said, "You and Gandalf can sit in here, watch tv, and help yourselves to the trays of food that I just put out, if you want. Gandalf knows how to work the TV." Bilbo explained he wanted to finish the tour, then you turned to the dwarves and added, "Would you like to see the kitchen?”    Bombur nodded his head eagerly, and the others just grumbled.

    The Kitchen was mainly white, and yellow, with a couple of black and gray accents. The theme of the room was bees. It was state of the art, and fully stocked, complete with a walk in freezer and pantry. It had four ovens, two extra large ones, and two regular. It also had an extra large stove, that had six burners, plenty of counter space, and a large sink. You knew that your company might have a hard time reaching top shelves and what not, so you had a rolling ladder attached to a track on the top of the cabinets, that could be moved to form a false wall of a shelving unit at the end of each counter. Each ladder had a harness type rope attached to prevent anyone from falling. You explained all of this to the dwarves, and said, "I knew Bombur loved cooking, so I designed it with him in mind, also there are plenty of spices, and ingredients to make tasty snacks and elaborate meals." You showed them the dinning room and it's apple red accents, with a long ebony table currently set up for the Thanksgiving dinner. Then you showed them the pine green den, and the admiral blue library, and the blood red training room, and the bathroom and the laundry room. After that you sighed, "Now for the bed rooms, now I basically grouped you together by siblings or family. Each group has a floor to themselves, complete with a bathroom, and a sitting room connected to each of your rooms. First we'll start with the Bilbo, since he and Gandalf share a floor. It's upstairs." 

    Bofur groaned, "Ugh stairs." 

    You laughed, "No stairs, just an elevator, come I'll show you all how to work it. I'll just drop you all off at your floors. You'll figure out whose room is whose since the rooms all have signs. I also included extra rooms, like I have a studio to draw in attached to it. Usually these rooms are rooms that I think you'll like based off information I know about you, or things I have observed. If there is a blank or empty room it means I don't really have enough information about you to fill it. If you don't like it or anything about your accommodations just come find me." Then you explained how to work the elevator, which was an industrial one so it could hold all of you with ease. You had the floor buttons labels with who was on that floor.

    When you dropped Thorin and his nephews off at their floor, he looked around at the sitting room in wonder. It was cozy, and roomy. The room had a four black leather couches with many small green, gray, and white throw pillows. They sat around a short silver and black glass table that had a clear glass vase with black, white, and silver flowers. Which sat on a massive gray pelt laid across the ebony wood floors. There was a chandler of black metal handing from the ceiling. The walls were decorated with pictures and sculptures of various deer. Thorin felt so alien in this place, but not in a bad way. His nephews explored the room and played with any moving sculptures in the room. There was one hallway at the north side of the room, and there were three doors visible from where Thorin stood. Fili past by one of the doors and exclaimed, "Kili this one has your name on it!"

     Kili trotted over and opened the door, and peered in. Thorin and Fili followed him in. The room was painted a rich crimson, with a white four post bed and two nightstands with lamps along one of the walls, a black desk on the other, and a chest of drawers that was coated in mirrors. The room had a many decorations of wolves, and geodes filled with red, white, black, and gray crystals. There were two other doors in the room, Kili went to one and Fili to the other to investigate what was in them. Fili opened his door, and announced it was a closet. Kili opened his and told them it was a rather large and spacious bathroom with a bathtub, three sinks, and a toilet, and two other doors. He also said Thorin's room on the other side of the west wall that his bed was against, and Fili's was against the wall with his closet.

         Fili and Thorin were interest in finding their rooms Thorin headed to his, and found it to be a bold and royal blue, with a gold and black four post bed with blue curtains, black, and blue covers and pillows. The bed and two black night stands sat on another massive pelt, however this one was black on white wood floors. There was a couch facing the large windows in one corner of the room next to a gold and blue stone side table with many crystal bottles of amber liquid and matching cups. There was what he assumed to be a closet behind it. Against one of the walls was a simple desk of ebony, and in the far left corner sat a large Celtic harp. Thorin's feet carried him over to it, where he noticed a note sticking out of the mouth of the dragon carved into the rich wood. Thorin took it up in his hand, it read, "I vaguely remember something about you playing the harp. So you can keep in practice, I will let you use the one that has been passed down in my family for the last eight hundred years. But only if you promise to play for me one day! (Y/F/N) (Y/M/I) (Y/L/N)" Thorin examined the harp, it was large, and had many strings. He did in fact play the harp, but how in the world could you have known that? He felt grateful to you for lending him a harp, and a family heirloom of your's at that, he had missed playing since he left on the quest. He reached out and plucked a string, and it hummed and shimmied in response to his gentle touch. He noticed that there was a matching chair that had ravens carved into the stool's support post. The pair looked like a set, how fitting and poetic, the musician sitting on the shoulders of ravens taming the dragon harp. Thorin felt flattered that you had thought of him in such a way and trusted him enough with something so valuable.     You sat in the living room with Gandalf, Oin, Gloin, Balin, and Dwalin, when Bilbo and the line of Durin came into the living room. Kili, Fili and Bilbo started to chatter at you all at once, but you understood the gist of it. They liked the rooms you designed for them. You said, "Um guys, I'm glad you like them, but they will change a bit along with the house based off how I'm feeling. So don't get too used to it being just the way it is now, because I may subconsciously change or improve it. The layout and style of the house may totally change as well."

      Suddenly Dori tore into the room and snarled, "What did you do!" while charging at you like a deranged bull.

     You leaned back, and said, "What are you talking about, I didn't do anything I've been here the whole time!"

     Dori snapped, "Ori started sobbing when he went in his room and has locked the door and won't let me or Nori in to comfort him! And Nori can't figure out how to pick that infernal lock." 

    You frowned and said, "I don't know what I did to make him cry, but I'd like to go down and see if I can fix what ever it is that is upsetting him."

     Dori sneered, "You better go do that, now."

          You knocked on Ori's door and called out, "Ori, dear, is everything alright?"

     Ori sobbed, "Everything is just fine!"

    "Then why are you crying sweetheart?" You asked. Ori just wailed like a banshee in response, you asked, "Ori, will you open the door?"

     Ori protests, "No, it's my room and I don't want to share it with anyone!"     You retorted, "it's my house Ori, open the door please. If you do not I will unlock it from the outside."

     Ori was silent for a minute, then you heard a scuffling, and the door unlock. You open the door to see a bashful, teary eyed Ori standing there looking lost. You softly ask, "What was wrong with the room Ori?"

     "That's the thing, it's perfect, I've always dreamt of a room like this one." Ori sniffled, walking over to you, and wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you tightly. He whispered, "Thank you so much!"

          You all managed to coax the young dwarf from his book lair, although a more apt description is you had dragged him out of it. In the living room everyone ate lots of food, from the relish tray and the cheese and cracker tray.     As you set off after lunch, you went to Thorin and said, "Well is my humble abode acceptable to you, oh might leader?" smugly.

     Thorin blushed at the thought of your kind gesture, and mumbled, "Yes it is." 

    You smirked and said, "I'll go explain my holiday to the boys and see if they want to participate." 

     The rest of the company was eager for night to come, since all of them agreed to amuse your holiday wish. Dwalin especially wanted your home made pies, which were currently chilling in the refrigerator. When the sun set, and Thorin announced that you'd be stopping for the night, everyone buzzed eagerly, and chatted happily away about what food from your world would be like.

     You set them up with a movie and something to drink before retreating to the kitchen, where you scurried around the room putting the finishing touches on your dishes. Bombur who had gotten curious peeked into the kitchen. You caught site of him out of the corner of your eye, you chuckled, "You can come in here if you promise to stay out of my way, and not to eat too much, and to help when I ask."  Bombur quickly hurried into the kitchen, you asked him to put the bread rolls in the oven as you put marshmallow on the mashed yams to be light roasted with a creme brulee torch.     By the time you had almost all of the dinner on the table it was about six thirty. You and Bombur looked at each other and smiled. You had him go get everyone one else while you got the hard apple cider out of the cooler. You arrived just in time to see everyone's faces when they saw your meal. Dwalin muttered, "How are ye not married yet lass?"     They left you the seat at the head of the table for you to sit, with Gandalf and Thorin flanking you. You muttered, "I'll be right back." and headed into the kitchen to get the turkey. As you brought it in the others kind of gasped  at the site of the large bird, as you put it on the table, you sighed, "Usually the head of the house carves the turkey, but would one of you like to cut it? I've never done, so I'll probably butcher it." 

    Thorin quickly announced, "I'll do it." you nodded and handed him the carving knife.     As Thorin sliced the turkey and put it on the serving plater, Dwalin said, "Lass, where did ye even catch a bird tha' big?"

     You frowned and shrugged, "This one is from a farm. Most of my people usually don't eat wild game, I personally haven't."

     Ori gasped, "You've only ever had meat from farm animals!"

     You nodded in respond, and added, "Or eaten anything that was foraged from the wilds. Just stuff that was grown on a farm, or in my yard that I planted." 

    Bofur said, "Ah, so you have done a hard day's work then, I was starting to think you were some spoiled princess." You just shrugged in reply.

     Thorin had piled the plate high with thick slices of turkey, you realized that he had gone for the dark meat only. You politely, asked him if he'd cut a slice or two of white meat for you. He obliged, as Dori said, "At least someone will eat that dry stuff." 

    "I'm not used to eating dark meat, plus if I eat too much of it at any one time I get sick, since because I wasn't really raised eating dark meat. And because of that I also don't like eating it anyhow, to me it has a slimy and stringy texture. There also isn't much nutritional value to dark meat since very little energy is stored there because of the type of muscle it is." you reply.

       After loading their plates with food everyone dug in. After Dwalin's first bite, he pointed his fork at Thorin and in Khuzdul he said, "You better have a courting braid in her hair by the end of the week or I will." completely and utterly serious.     Thorin shot him a dirty look and hissed, "You wouldn't dare, joking about it like before was borderline unacceptable, but flat out threatening to steal another Dwarrow's one is completely over the line."

     Balin who sat across from his brother, whispered, "Lad, I don't think he means it. I think he's just trying to get the point, that she is a woman to be desired, across to you."

      Thorin eyed his advisor, who was looking at him like he was the idiot with mashed potatoes in his beard. Bilbo took one look at Dwalin's beard and said, "Um Dwalin you've got a bit of food in your beard."

     You looked up from your plate and chuckled, "Bilbo, he's just saving it for winter." and returned to eating your meal like you hadn't said anything at all.     The Dwarves stopped to see how Dwalin would react to your comment, due to the fact that other races making remarks about someone's beard was kind of a touchy subject. After a long pause Dwalin asked, "Lass, don't you care that I have food in my beard."

     You stopped eating, looked him straight in the eye, and said, " As long as you have it out before you hug me, and it doesn't stain anything or I don't have to clean it up later, no I don't. It is a joke my dad used to say about his beard."     Dwalin inquired, "So you like beards?"

     "My only problem with beards isn't with the beard itself, it's when the person attached to it doesn't take care of it. When they let it become gross, smelly, and oily  and is plagued with dandruff. That's my only quarrel, if you won't take care of it, don't fucking have one. Other than that, they're great. They're like nature's scarf." 

    With that Dwalin burst out laughing, the other dwarves followed. Once they stopped, Bilbo asked, "do you ever wish you had one?"

     "Yes and no. Yes because why the hell not, and plus it'd be blue and I could do things with it, and I could stroke it while thinking for theatric effect. But no, because I'd be afraid of getting it caught in stuff, and because of the extra work I'd have to put into it to make it look and feel good, and because I already find my hair all over the place I don't need more of that." you said.

     Balin assured, "Trust me lass, it doesn't get caught in stuff." 

    "I don't believe you." You grumbled, and started to eat again.

    As you felt everyone wrapping up eating you asked, "Are we ready for pie now, or do we want to wait an hour or so?" You asked everyone.

     Some groaned something along the lines of, "Oh Mahal, no more please." or "Oh no, not pie too!" and others voiced their eagerness for pie. You got a head count of how many of them wanted pie and told them you'd bring them their pie after you made the whipped cream. Eight other people wanted pie, one of which you knew felt he didn't have room for it since he'd forgotten that there'd be pie. As the others put away the leftovers, you made the softest whipped cream, and served eight slices of pie on small plates, and added a generous helping of whipped cream on the tops of each one. You brought them their slices, three at a time. During the first trip, Thorin promptly volunteered to help you. You thanked him and told him you could handle serving pie, but he insisted, claiming that you had made them a delicious dinner, and that you deserved to rest. You were tired and your feet hurt so you did not fight him on it, and allowed him to help you.

A/N: I’m not sorry for this

   okay im done back to the story...

  Once all of the pie was served, you sat down with your own pie between Dwalin and Thorin, and realized no one had started to eat their pie. You asked them what they were waiting for, and Gloin said, "You don't start eating until your host does and everyone is served."

     "oh right that's a thing, well for future reference, I don't really care about that, it's just pointless formalities. There is no need to for that with me, it's bullshit in my opinion. It's a thing in my culture too, but I honestly don't care. It's basically a control and dominance behavior, and I don't see myself as being better then anyone. Usually if I give you food I want to see your reactions to it before enjoying my own piece." you sighed. 

   They all awkwardly listened to you, and took a bite. Thorin immediately felt Dwalin's eyes drilling into the side of his head. Oin hummed, "What fruit is this made out of?" 

    "It's made out of primarily squash, but there are also spices, condensed milk, and eggs." you replied.

    You heard the room go silent, you looked around and said, "It was good wasn't it?" 

    "Well yes, but it is well known that Dwarves hate squash." Gandalf said, as he scooped up another piece of pie

.     You grumbled, "Well if they don't want to eat my delicious pie, fine, more for me." and continued eating. 

    You pulled up Netflix, and put on a movie for them to watch, until bed time. Half of the Dwarves had eaten pie by the time they went off to bed.

    On the morning of December first Thorin woke up in his room to a faint light when it should have been dark out still. He rolled over and growled, "Which ever one of you trouble makers is in here get out now." When he got no response and the light didn't go away, he sat up and looked at it's source. In the corner of his room sat a beautiful tree covered in many different ornaments, sparkly strings, and colored lights. Thorin slipped out of bed and went up to it, and touched a branch. The whole tree gave off a strong pine scent, that was starting to fill the room, its starred top tickled the ceiling which had to be at least ten feet high. Thorin looked around the room to try and figure out who did it, when he noticed there were other changes to his room. There was now garlands of pine branches draping from his bed, and paper snowflake garlands dangling above the window. The room, now, also smelt of cinnamon, orange, and anise. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted an odd wooden soldier next to the tree, and many other things he didn't know the purpose of.  He wandered out to the sitting room, and saw that there was another tree sitting in the far corner of the room, only this one was decorated in green, blue, red, and gold ornaments and it glittered in every color imaginable. Thorin couldn't really believe his eyes, he rubbed them to make sure his vision wasn't blurry, and even pinched himself to make sure that he wasn't dreaming. He sat down on the couch and stared at it, forgetting he wasn't wearing a shirt. His nephew Fili, walked in as the sun started to rise, to find his uncle sitting there barefoot, half naked, scratching his hairy chest, and staring at a glowing tree. 

        Fili called out, "Uncle...Uncle...Uncle Thorin!" trying to get Thorin's attention. When he did, he said, "We need to get Kili up for morning training."   

   Thorin paused, he decided he didn't really want to do anything other than stare at the strange tree, before murmuring, "Let him sleep in, we've all been rather tired lately, you can go back to bed as well if you'd like." and turned his attention back to the tree. 

    Fili shook his head, and asked, "Who are you and what have you done with my uncle?"

     Thorin did not reply, so Fili just walked back to his room and went back to bed. 

        When you got up to make breakfast, cranberry and pumpkin crepes, you found that Thorin had wandered down to the living room in just his pants, and was staring at the large tree in the corner. You said, "I take it your world doesn't celebrate Christmas?" 

    Thorin nearly jumped out of his skin, he slowly turned to you and asked, "What is it?"

     "It's a Christmas tree Thorin." you replied, "it's just one of the decorations that I'll be putting around the house this month. Granted it's the biggest one I'll be putting in, just about every room has got one. I may also change the style and layout of the house a few times as well." 

    "Christmas, what is it?"  

   "It's our winter solstice celebration, there will be another feast at the end of this month as well, and there will be presents." You explained, as you walked over to the fire place and examined the stockings you created for all of them.    

 Thorin's eyes drifted from you to the fabric in your hand, his eyes widened, it had his name embroidered into it. He walked over to you, and said, "And this?"     "It's a Christmas Stocking, small presents are put in here on Christmas Eve, and large presents go under the tree if you were children.  But since we are all adults they'll appear there whenever I think of them." You sighed, "Now I really need to start on breakfast, you can keep asking me questions about Christmas if you help me." Thorin nodded and followed you into the kitchen.

          As Thorin got the jams, and fruit out of the fridge you made the batter for the crepes. Thorin asked, "So why do you put the presents under the tree only on Christmas eve for children?"

     "Part of the magic of Christmas is Santa Claus, he is a man who lives in the frigid North pole where he, his wife, and a bunch of elves make toys for all the girls and boys in the world. He rides a sleigh pulled by reindeer on Christmas night to deliver them."

     "How is he supposed to get in the house, do people just leave it unlocked or something?"

      "No, he lands on the roof, and comes down the chimney, and people leave him a plate of cookies and a glass of milk."     "what is that little weird wooden toy by my tree?"     "That is a nutcracker. Thorin will you go wake the other's breakfast is almost done." you replied. He nodded his head and left the room.     During breakfast Fili realized, "Uncle, the deal you made with (y/n) back at Bag End was that you couldn't bug her for another hint on who she is bound to until the end of the month." 

    "Yes, and what of it?" Thorin grumbled.

     He replied, "Well it's December first, a new month, you can ask her for another hint."

     Kili added, "and be specific with what you want this time."

     Thorin paused thinking about what he wanted to know, before he looked up at you and asked, "Can I have a hint about his eye color?"

     "Fine but in return, I want you to stop smoking in my house when you think I'm not looking." You replied.

     Thorin paused and asked, "Then where am I supposed to smoke?"   

  "Outside like everyone else, I absolutely loath smoking, and it angers me to no end when I wake up to my room smelling like smoke every morning." you growled.

    "Fine, but how did you know it was me smoking?"

    "Because none of the others come to breakfast reeking of smoke." You grunted.

     Dwalin said, "Give us the hint already lassie."

     You sighed, and answered, "Blue, his eyes are blue."

     Ori said, "That rule just about all of us out."

      Kili muttered, "That leaves just Fili, Uncle Thorin, and Dwalin."

     You shrugged, "Alright no more questions."

     "That wasn't part of the deal lady (y/n), I'm rather interested in seeing who it is." Balin said.     You glared at him and growled, "Ask me all the questions you want, me answering them at all was not part of the deal either."

     Thorin thought aloud, "Well we could always tie you up and send one of us down the escape tunnel, that's a mile long."

     You smirked and said, "it's locked with a pass code. Already thought of that Thorin, one thing you will learn about me is that I am ‘slightly’ paranoid, and smarter than you."

      Dwalin mused, "You did say that our lives wouldn't be in danger for another month. We could just go in three different directions for about a mile and a half. While the others hold you here."

     You rubbed your temples and said, "All of the doors leading outside are protected with a pass code. Honestly boys, at least challenge me a little bit. Keep in mind that I can hold you hostage here too if I so desire. And on top of that I can also not feed you and keep you stranded in one room. Also I meant that as long as you do not stray from the path set for you by fate, you won't be in danger. If you stray, I know not what will be fall you."

      Fili said, "I wouldn't be comfortable with doing any of that anyways." The other's agreed.

     You sighed, "Just because I refuse to answer any more questions now, doesn't mean I will at lunch. Just give me some time." 

         Around lunch Thorin was antsy to find out more about the one you were bound to, but didn't want to be the first one to ask you about it. Kili, bless his soul sensed this and asked, "Will you tell me about their hair? The one you're bound to that is. In return I'll take my shoes off before entering the house"     You sighed, "Deal, uh, it's nice looking."

      Gandalf scoffed, "You are the queen of unhelpful answers."

     Thorin inquired, "What's his beard like? Answer me that and I'll do the dishes for a whole month." 

    "I will hold you to your word Thorin. His beard is not quite fully what it could be." You answered, while still dodging his question.

     Dwalin grumbled, "What weapon does he use? I'll stop stealing the sweets from the pantry."

     "I knew it was you, you sneaky little! Deal, I imagine he'd used anything in reach if he had to." you snapped.

     Oin exclaimed, "All of you are asking the wrong questions! If you tell us what color his hair is I'll rub your feet for a week!"

    You shook your head, and chuckled, "That's sweet, but no deal, I don't like people touching my feet any way."

     Bilbo said, "If you tell us a name I'll return your journal, and if you don't I'll read it out loud."

    "I don't have a journal, so no deal." 

    "What sort of weapon does he carry with him as of this moment?"

     "You need to offer something of value in return Thorin." you mused.

          Thorin's mind flashed to the harp you were lending him, he looked up at you and said, "I'll get back into practising the harp so I can play for you."

     He watched your eyes go wide, you broke down and said, "A sword."     Dwalin grumbled a curse in Khuzdul, Thorin truly feared you were bound to his nephew. You were far younger than either of them, but Fili was far younger, and could physically keep up with you. Gandalf, who was watching Thorin's grief, and seemed to sense it, so he asked, "If you give us a ten year range of their age, I'll answer all of the questions about this world I can. You have been pestering me with many after all."

     You stared at the ground, before answering, "a hundred and ninety to two hundred."

     Thorin froze in his seat, you were bound to him, he gawked at you. You were here to protect him? From what? What could you handle that he possibly couldn't? You felt the emotions swirling in Thorin's head, you looked at him, and said, "Just because you got your answer doesn't mean you're getting out of the dishes deal old man, or the smoking deal."

     Thorin nodded his head and took your empty plate to the sink, rolled up his sleeves and and started washing them.

TAG LIST: @fictionalquintessence @life-is-righteous @wowjustwow002

@imaginesreblogged @17baldwinn (I think that’s everyone....uh message me please if I missed you or you wishes to be added to the tag list.)

--- Part 1 --- Part 2 (here)--- Part 3 --- Part 4 --- Part 5 --- Part 6 --- Part 7 --- Part 8 ---  Part 9— Part 10 — Part 11— Part 12 — Part 13 —Part 14 — Part 15— Part 16— Part 17 --- Part 18 --- Part 19 --- Part 20 --- Part 21 ---

[gravity-light]

Revolutionary Drunks[Hamilton Fic]

This is for @snugglylin mostly bc I know they love this ship to the death and also bc they hit 400 recently!!!! 👏👏👏👀👀👌👌

So, as a warning, below the cut is: Slight sex references[nothing big, and its not for the ship that’s focused on, so don’t get yo’ hopes up], swearing, and also, if you have a weak heart, don’t read this, the ending will kill you with cute.

Pairings in order of prominence in fic: Lams, Mullette

John glanced at his friends and then down at his drink. There were worse things in life to be doing then getting smashed with friends on a Tuesday night. Of course, he’d regret it in the morning, but this week was already hellish. He contemplated his drink, then took a light swig. Hercules chugged another flask of rum as `Lex and Laf cheered him on. Hercs shirt collar got stained by the rivulets running out the corners of his mouth, and when he finished it all, he took a deep breath. “Lafaaaafff…. Your turn!!”

While Laf chugged his own flask, he let his eyes wander to Alex. The man was attractive as hell, which was no fair, since John was chubby, had messy hair literally 24/7, and many other flaws he could point out, but didn’t want to. He scanned the bar, taking in the warmly lit scene. He took another gulp of his drink and leaned forward.

“So, hey, french fry, when are you and Herc gonna fuck?” He almost backtracked when Laf snorted out his drink through his nose, but Alex’s sudden face of glee was enough to keep him at it. Herc coughed, the sudden darker tint of his skin giving away his blush. It took the two a couple seconds to recover, but by the time they did, both John and Alex were grinning ear to ear. “Soooo~?” He smirked, and Lafayette flipped him off poutily.

Hercules suddenly got an evil look in his eye, and somehow he knew he was about to regret grilling him and Laf. “We’ll fuck when you and Alex do, turt.” He choked on air, face turning a red hue. Alex blushed slightly, although it was hard to tell from the way he was already pink from alcohol. Speaking of which…

“Hey, `Lex, haven’t you had enough?” He asked, looking down at Alex’s fourth glass of mead, currently half empty. He shook his head and pulled his drink closer to himself. Laf glanced between them and grinned cheekily. If he had more alcohol in his system, maybe he could actually deal with his friends shit. He chugged the rest of his cider, then waved over the bartender so he could get a second glass.

“Hey, John~” Herc sang out, sounding secretive and smug. He looked up from his glass to see a very drunk Herc holding his glass over Alex’s head. He yelped and dove forward across the table, not considering why Herc would do that in the first place. Alex turned last second and he could only think a quick oh shiT as he slid into his friend. Out of pure shock, Alex caught him, and now they were in an awkward position, John in his lap, `Lex with his arms around John’s midriff. Lafayette and Herc both went into a laughing fit, evidently finding the way John’s face turned tomato red hilarious.

“Uhhhhh, Lexxx….” Alex grinned up at him, cheeks pink from the liquor. He bites his lip. Stay where he is and possibly make this night cliche as hell, or get off Alex’s lap and save future him a lot of regret? The decision is made for him when he makes the mistake of looking at Alex again, and jesus, `Lex was unfairly hot.

And apparently reckless, too, since he was leaning in for what John realized was a kiss. Oh. He automatically relaxed at the unfamiliar sensation. Usually he wouldn’t appreciate a spontaneous kiss like this, but this was Alex they were talking about. Wait, they had been drinking, this was the alcohol. He pulled back much, to his chagrin, and god, why had he done that, because damn, Alex’s pout was near irresistible.

His friends hooted and laughed, drunk off their asses. He flushed and shakily stood, licking his lips. He could taste Alex’s drink, and judging from the way `Lex was dreamily staring off into space with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, Alex could taste his. “Okayyy, we’ve had enough alcohol, I think.” Hercules whined as he tugged the other to his feet, bottom lip jutting out stubbornly.

“Johnnnnnn, cmonnnnn, one more drink?” He raised an eyebrow at his idiotic friend and Hercules caved under the look. Sometimes it felt like he was more of Hercules’ and Laf’s mother more than friend. Herc got a devious look, smirking and all. “Alexanderrrr~” he sang.

“Yesss? So-rry, I’m thirsty…. Joo~hnnnn, I’m thirstyyyy…” He groaned, pained to the bone. Why was he friends with these idiots again? Right, because he was nice and they were a bunch of fun to be around… when they weren’t being drunkards.

"So am I, but you don’t see me chasing your ass.” He regretted it the moment he had said it, alcohol giving his tongue a life of its own. Laf howled with amusement, pounding the table.

"I have taught you well, cher tortue, mon ami.” He blushed and pulled Lafayette to his feet.

"Cmon, frenchie, lets go home before you three drink enough for a killer of a hangover.” Maybe Laf was sated by the drink already in him, or he was sober enough to recognize a good decision, but he picked Alex up by the arms gently.

"Let’s head home, petit lion, oui?” Alex nodded and purred like his nickname when Laf ruffled his hair and put him down, letting him go when he was sure `Lex could stand on his own. John took a second to admire the cute before Alex was stumbling into his arms. Well. He shrugged and pulled the other onto his back.

Herc had an arm around Lafayette’s shoulders and groaned. Suddenly he made a pained noise, and Laf freaked. He practically shoved the dude to the bathroom, and John followed behind. After a minute or so of puke sounds, Herc emerged, wiping his mouth. “Well thashts not an experime-expe-experience i wanna repeat!” He said with false cheer.

"Meanwhile, John would not mind repeating that earlier experience, am i wrong, mon ami?” He sighed, facepalming. He didn’t know who, but someone made kissy noises and jostled him teasingly. Alex hunkered down on his back, tightening his grip and nestling his forehead in the crook of John’s neck.

Both Lafayette and Herc made aww’s and he flipped them off, sticking out his tongue. “Cmon, pants boy, sober up and help me get Alex home, he is heavy .” To prove the point, he shifted `Lex on his back, pulling him up. Laf pulled his phone out and dialed a taxi service, holding it to his ear. While Laf ordered them a ride home, Herc cleaned up their table. Alex was fast falling asleep, and he hoped the taxi would get here soon.

His prayers were answered when Lafayette poked him and motioned outside. “Your chauffeur has arrived, dear sirs.” He said, adopting a hilarious impression of an english accent. He smiled and carried Alexander outside, pulling the door open. Laf had already gotten in through the other side, and he bundled `Lex up on his friends lap then got in himself. Herc piled in last, pulling the door closed and telling the driver their destination. It was awkward being a friends group of four and going home in a three seat backseat, but they made it work.

Alex woke up halfway through the ride, blinking at Laf for a second before making sleepy upset noises and trying to unbuckle. Luckily enough, they had come to an intersection and he crawled into John’s lap without further incident. Cute . He unbuckled and rebuckled before the taxi driver started driving again. Too soon, they were pulling up in front of the apartment building, and Lafayette was handing a fold of bills to the driver. John handed Alex over to Herc, because he was getting heavy, and stretched.

"Johnnn…” Alex whined, then coughed, and Herc couldn’t set him down fast enough. He hadn’t drank as much as Hercules, so it wasnt more then half a minute, but it was nasty to watch. He kneeled behind `Lex to pull the silky hair back into a ponytail, tightening it like he knew Alex preferred. And if he enjoyed how Alex’s hair felt and smelled, well, who had to know?

Apparently, Lafayette had to, judging from the raucous shouts of . Alex snorted. “Fuck off, baguette,” He yelled over his shoulder, and John would NOT laugh. He chuckled after a moment, unable to resist. Alex grinned at him, and then hurled again. Yikes. After that, he seemed to be fine, and stood up. Laf had gone ahead then, and so had Hercules, so they would be last to the door. They climbed the stairs and made it to the second floor before Alex got dizzy and leaned on John.

"Just one more floor til you can sleep, k?” He nodded, and together they climbed the last set of stairs. Hercules was there with some acetaminophen and water. He took the medicine gratefully and downed his pill with a quick swallow, while Alex had to be roused from his drowsy state to take his pill. Once that was done, Alex was carried back to the apartment. It was almost cute, in a way, the way Hercules and Laf were almost a couple and took care of `Lex, and he was the one that kept an eye out for all three.

He got ready for bed pretty quickly, and after checking that Laf and Herc had taken their own headache medicine, headed for the second bedroom. Usually he roomed with Hercules, but he honestly did not want to compete with Laf, who had been shooting the tailor suggestive gazes all evening. Alex’s room it was, then. He stepped in and looked around for a lamp, but instead found Alex, typing away furiously on his laptop. “`Lex?” He knew the man didnt often sleep, but this was new. He had never heard of him working after a night out with friends.

Alex practically jumped in his seat, turning to face John with a guilty and slightly nervous face. “I hadn’t realized you were sleeping in here tonight.” A loud pleased sound from the next room made his face twist. “Nevermind.” John chuckled, then closed the door behind him.

"So whatcha working on?” He hadn’t expected Alex to get so flustered all of a sudden, but it was a nice sight. He raised one finger in a silent ‘one second’ signal, and turned back to his work, typing furiously. Soon he was apparently satisfied and bit his lip as he turned back.

"Okay, soooo…. i’m kinda a bad writer, but this is the first draft and i don’t want it to go beyond that, so… just read it.” He got up from his chair and started getting dressed for bed. John glanced away as he sat down. He had to jiggle the mouse for the screensaver to turn off, but once he did, he found a word document.

Roses are red / you’re actually super cute im dead / ugh please dont be str8 / also wanna go on a date?

He re-read it once or twice before he realized what it meant. “Oh my god.” Alex looked up from where he was sitting on the bed, concerned.

"Good oh my god or bad?” John couldn’t answer him, and by the time he had regained control of his speech, `Lex was clearly assuming the worst. “Sorry….” he muttered, dropping his head into his hands. John stood up fast, blood rushing to his head.

"No, wait, sorry, that’s not what i meant, I mean,” he rambled, taking the two steps necessary to get to the bed and leaning down. “I…” he mulled over his words and pulled at his bangs. “Yeah, sure.” Alex looked up so fast it looked unnatural, and John almost winced.

Wait, seriously?” John smiled and nodded, and whoa, he was not expecting that bear hug. He could register vague ecstatic noises from Alex, and since when had the other man been crushing on him so hard? A loud set of moans interrupted the moment, and he banged the wall.

"Shaddup over there!!” He hollered, and immediately, Herc yelled back a quick expletive, meaning unknown and too garbled, probably because of Laf’s ass muffling his words. “Dirty fuckers.” He grumbled half heartedly, and looked down at Alex. Who had… fallen asleep ontop of him. Cute. Maybe it was the drink still in him, but he was in love with Alex. At least, he thought he was. Well, they had the date to figure it out. But for now, sleep.

He stroked Alex’s head and then pulled the covers over them, closing his eyes and curling his arms around the smaller man on his chest. As he drifted off to sleep, he started quietly singing a lullaby.

“Üsküdar'a gider iken aldı da bir yağmur

Kâtibimin setresi uzun, eteği çamur

Kâtip uykudan uyanmış, gözleri mahmur

Kâtip benim, ben kâtibin, el ne karışır

Kâtibime kolalı da gömlek ne güzel yaraşır

Üsküdar'a gider iken bir mendil buldum

Mendilimin içine (de) lokum doldurdum

Kâtibimi arar iken yanımda buldum

Kâtip benim, ben kâtibin, el ne karışır

Kâtibime kolalı da gömlek ne güzel yaraşır~…”

[A-N: I’m aware that if I went by historical records, John wouldn’t sing the song at the end, because it’s Turkish, but this was a lullaby of mine, so I’m being nostalgic. Shout out to Dad for singing this to me]