#The synesthesia thing is because he thinks I have it because I describe all my songs using texture

[deadm0ss]

guys (me) will talk about toby fox's discography and style for 30 minutes for their music appreciation final and then get left with. This

200/200 though so i think he liked the info dump

[watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees]

Perfume asks? Interesting. Eldwin's by far my most developed character, so do you maybe have anything in mind for him? There's a lot of characters aha, I think Nels/The Handler and Jowan are the other ones most featured in fics or asks? So maybe one of them has... perfumable vibes. Or Kieran and Lukas from the other series. You don't have to do all of them, just pick whoever inspires you! ( I just like giving options)

Dude I just realised how many of Eldwin's chapters I missed?? I'm so sorry about that, but I'm all caught up now 👍

Eldwin - From the Altar of a Forest Temple by Alkemia Perfumes

I immediately knew which brand I'd scour through for a perfume, because I really wanted to match the vibe of the story, so it's Alkemia Perfumes (I found them while looking to match scents to my friends' ocs in my DnD group, it just has the *vibe*)

Also the name of this one sounds like a title for one of your chapters!

So this one has a lot of forest-y wood scents, and though I don't remember Eldwin having a connection to any of that, I think of freedom when I think of the forest and he is a captive so that's kind of central to his character. There's also incense in it for the magic/powers/aether.

Jowan - Mystic Aromatic by Mugler

Okay so I looked for stuff that smells medicinal for the doctor 👨‍⚕, and then I couldn't find any that I liked, so I started looking at herbal things, because that's the next best thing after medicine and I think this one is perfect. Because not only does it have a bunch of fun herbs (basil, thyme, sage) it has Peru balsam!!! Which is known for it's medicinal properties

and I can't leave Lukas and Kieran out of this, because they're sooooo dear to me, so:

Kieran - Angélique Noire by Guerlain

I needed to have angel in the name, because I adore the fact that Lukas is so creepy with it and uses that as a term of endearment generously.

I wanted to find something extra for him, as a treat, that would have some nice flower scents, but also something heavier (? I'm not sure if that's an actual term and not just me having synesthesia, I would describe it as "darker" but no one can convince me that it would make more sense, these are *scents*) Anyway, this one has pink pepper and caraway seeds and I think that fits. Oh, also vanilla! For a little bit of sweetness.

Lukas - Biker by Karen Doué

I started thinking about how he's running his own red room, because he can't get over a breakup, and I really would have like to say something mean like "generic axe body spray because fuck him" but I'm also deeply invested in this and have an idea!

So things I associated with him are a dusty basement, some sort of fancy tech setup and other evil people, now only one of these have a scent, which is the basement so I searched by "dust" and got this, now it has a fair amount of earthy + woody notes, for the forest they're hiding out in, asphalt, rubber, smoke and dust for the evil shenanigans! (and now I really want to try this one, because it sounds like something I'd like too lol)

[oldwritingm]

Could you write a Cole x fem reader? I headcanon Cole having synesthesia so maybe a oneshot about him loving the colors of her voice?

My goodness,, I love that headcanon!! I swear you guys are the most brilliant visionaries...

Word count: 505

Ninjago - Cole Loving the Colors of Your Voice

It was a cozy evening. You were cozied up with your laptop on your lap, scrolling mindlessly as you rambled on about one of your obsessions. Cole was sitting close by, wrapped in a thick blanket and gazing at you dreamily. A soft smile graced his lips as he nodded along to your narrative.

You loved when he’d let you explain your interests to him; you often mused to yourself that he just liked the sound of your voice, but you were grateful for a listening ear anyhow. 

You wrapped up one concept, catching a glance at Cole before thinking of what to talk about next. The look in his eyes made you pause. 

He noticed that you noticed his staring. “I love the colors of your voice right now,” he offered in explanation.

Now you were curious. Closing your laptop, you gave him a look that said tell me more. You knew that he had synesthesia, but he rarely ever spoke about it. So of course it piqued your interest when he implied that he could see your voice. 

“I mean, I always love how your voice looks. In the morning it’s like a gouache painting, with all these muted natural colors muddling together. Almost like a pond. When you get a little more energy, like right now, it’s so colorful. Vivid orange. Royal blue. Grass green. Swirling and jumping around like a sea of rabbits.” As he spoke, he got a far-off look in his eyes, as if he were envisioning it now.

“Even when you’re talking about something you find boring, the colors are still amazing. They’re drab—usually just black and gray, actually—and they don’t move, but it’s kind of like a blurry black and white picture. Articulate, in a way.”

You were staring at him with stars in your eyes. The way he described things was just so poetic. You wished you could see what he saw; it sounded magical. “Wow,” you breathed.

“Yeah. It’s… it’s just amazing.”

“Is that what all sounds are like for you?”

“No. Just your voice. Other voices have more consistent hues, and some of them don’t even move. I’m actually not sure why yours is so colorful, but I love it.”

“So I was right,” you murmured, half to yourself.

“About what?”

“I had a hunch you only let me talk so much because you like the sound of my voice.”

“What? Not at all. I like the look of your voice,” Cole teased, making you both giggle. “But I promise I always try to listen.”

You hummed, setting down your laptop and leaning in closer. Cole repositioned himself so that you were leaning back on the sofa together, you on his chest, his arms around your middle.

“Please,” he implored, “keep talking.”

With a twinkle in your eye, you recalled what you wanted to gush about next. The hearts in his eyes were now mirrored in yours when you spoke; his beautiful mind was truly enchanting—almost as enchanting as your voice was to him.

Thank you for your request, sorry this was a little short! But thanks for reading, take care you little geniuses <33

[gravedigest]

Thinking about Victor, and how he has rig and chrome envy. And how he can ask San and Dei about it (and technically other people but they’re not relevant rn). And just the lack of information he gets from it all

San has chrome but no rig, and it’s a chrome he has to keep shape for. He also has no desire for a rig. Meanwhile, Dei has both but can’t give a comparison since he’s never had anything else, plus he know how to mess with himself, how to hack himself to make it better.

And Victor can only get so much info out of both. Again, he can ask other people, I just find it interesting that he can ask those two but get almost nothing out it. It’s interesting to me. Vic is interesting

Also just, Dei is the spice in Vic’s life. That’s a little thing in the back skittering about

Victor asks Hank what chrome is like and all he gets is a blank stare because Hank doesn’t know what chrome is like. Man that has a computer just to use the calendar.

They can probably get the complaints about chrome across pretty easily, like it’s easy to put into words stuff like “Yeah, my arm acts up if i twist it like this, I gotta yank it this way so my fingers uncurl,” or “There’s so many popups happening right now it feels like my eyeballs are turning inside out.”

But like, trying to explain what it looks like or feels like would be like trying to explain a sense someone doesn’t have, like if someone can’t smell but all you have to describe scents are other scents. You can sorta get it across like this smells warm or this smells cold, but thats kind of the only comparison you can get (unless you’ve got synesthesia, then theres a whole new world of comparisons you can make to stuff)

It’s neat.

I wanna write more Victor POV later on when I get the next part out, I think. Just kinda hard cause I’m tryna build him a solid foundation to work off of irt characterization and what very little we know about him, and he’s sort of easier to work with as non POV.

Victor gets his enrichment by watching Deimos be a weird little guy. Watching your cat watching tv and being like “what is he thinking?”

[pleasehelpaaaa]

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┈ ⋞ 〈 ...↺99% ... Complete!: @imjustabeanie 〉 ⋟ ┈

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. . . . ╰──╮"So, here's the thing: someone went and tinkered with my Synesthesia Beacon, so now, all you folks can hear is me and those adorable little troublemakers talkin' like this... cutie, cutie, cutie. Looky here, see?"╭──╯ . . . .

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𓇻Your Honkai: Star Rail Match is: BootHill!𓇻

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╭──╯▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂𓆩⟡𓆪▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂╰──╮

[-> I was fighting for my life choosing between him, Sunday and Dr.Ratio and then continued the battle w/ tryna find information on his personality I swear 😭

[-> So, from the very, very little I could find out about him from official sources ( and reddit. Listen, I was desperate) he's described as an extremely optimistic person and an unrestrained one at that, this isn't one of my more typical 'balancing' couples, nah, you two are just 100% into these shenanigans together

[-> Completely off topic idea since he can't really curse, if he ever needs to curse somebody to hell and back he's grabbing you and will just ask you to lay into them, assuming you do, he will do the cartoon gesture of him sticking out both his arms to gesture to you as you cuss whoever it is out - I promise you, he appreciates it, a lot

[-> Another thing that he appreciates is your love language, he's mainly robotic with the only thing still really allowing him to 'feel' in a traditional sense is well, his head. He's almost entirely robotic so being able to just enjoy your presence and get fits over something he can't -physically and literally feel- to him at least is something very considerate, of course that's not gonna stop him from occasionally asking for the little peck on cheek. Or lips, depends on the mood.

[-> Random jump here but he loves the way you look in almost the most wholesome sense I can think of- there are days where I feel that he genuinely would forget just how fragile skin is until he rough houses with you and you get a cut, or you cuddle and your cheek just happens to graze his and all he feels is this unexplainable softness and warmth that pricks at his memory uncomfortably but is so ridiculously soothing at the same time

[-> Furthermore back on topic, assuming cuddles get eventually established again gonna circle to robot topic, cmon. Think about it, my man is a living heater of course he's gonna exploit that, God forbid it's a cold morning and you two just /happen/ to be snuggling? Blissful glory, he's also guaranteed to tease you about it, within reason

[-> As far as your hobbies go, your into shooting? Perfect! He's teaching every trick shit he knows how to perform and also having you practice whichever one he thinks is safe for you to actually try and accomplish (as funny as it is for him to probably watch you miss your shots he doesn't want you getting burned on shell casings) it gets even better if one of you try getting into a competition because insults (as much as an insult as BootHill can really say) are being hurled back and forth playfully while he occasionally purposefully messes himself up so that you end up getting better shots than him

[-> BootHill 100% took the villain clothing cliché and thought you meant something similar to his style so he very silently slipped out on time to go and buy you clothes so you two could have similar out fits and was mildly disappointed when it turned out to not be that - he also probably you matching colour scheme PJ's he will admittedly this unless you get a picture or something

[-> Bonus points for working and being into electronics, please hear me out when I say that as soon as BootHill learned that tidbit the machine pickup lines were /endless/, "Hey sugar, you need an example of some platin'? I'm always open for you~" Is the type of confident nonsense he'd say in passing as he tries flexing one of his arms after getting out of a battle only to actually damage his plating and need help fixing it (Forgive me idk how pickup lines work, I'm trying 🙏)

. . . . ╰──╮"This is no time for distractions! Seriously, you have a great magician standing right here... You don't want to miss the best part, do you!?"╭──╯ . . . .

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𓇻Your Genshin Impact Match is: Lyney!𓇻

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[-> He was actually the first one to come to mind and he stayed in mind

[-> Lyney is also similar to BootHill in the fact he encourages your little stunts and shenanigans but is also probably significantly more subtle about it and a little bit more concerned than BootHill is - that much is probably due to his siblings Lynette, Freminent and Father despite Father's claims of them being strong enough to fend for themselves he probably still worries greatly

[-> He's a magician so he's always trying to make up new tricks to impress the crowd and by extension impress you at every chance he gets so he figures, why not make it a competition, in these he's normally a lot more ridiculous and often throws out ideas that wouldn't be feasible just to hear your opinions and probably, if he thinks both him and Lynette could pull it off, would fully back your ideas - maybe he'll even make you a little special seat in one of his next perfomances

[-> After you two get together and he trusts you a decent amount I feel that he would let you know he was with the fatui, about father, and about what he and his siblings do - he doesn't expect you to get involved in what they do, frankly he doesn't /want/ you to get involved, but he feels like there shouldn't be secrets between the two of you after that long if being together and he doesn't want enough time to pass that's its be impossible to drop a bombshell like that and still stick together

[-> On that note, he almost didn't approach you, at least not in the context he ended up approaching him - Lyney is a magician and that requires a certain degree of masking and charisma and mystique, however that doesn't make him immune for falling for you, but due to the nature of his work and what had happened when him and Lynette were just children, it brought the question if he really wanted to risk that by involving somebody else he had grown to care about? Eventually, Lynette actually was the one who ended up promoting the two of you to meeting - having most likely done it through a magic trick that wasn't scripted into the show

[-> He loves teasing you about your height despite the fact he's only three inches taller than you, and as far as he is concerned it's even better because you're the one generally considered a tease and he's generally considered a flirt - he'd dangle a rainbow rose over your head asking if you could reach it and when you finally do would dramatically lean down just to end up giving you a peck on the lips before going about his merry day. He also may have slipped a little 6 of hearts into your sleeve when handing you the rose but that's nothing he's going to admit to. (I love the number meanings I swear it's so silly)

[-> Trust me also when I say that While Lyney doesn't mind the mornings nothing is better than getting to wake up with you and he /knows/ your the best version of yourself when it's morning so instead of being his usual over-the-top self he'll bring you books and..whatever Fontaines version of Manga is, if there even is one in actual Teyvat lore, I'm not really sure. But rest assured he's doing the most almost every morning to try and make them even slightly more bearable for you, no, he doesn't hear the end of it from his siblings either

[-> Also in going back to him being a magician, I have a ever so slight incoming that he'd be better than most at reading emotion and gauging how far along that emotion is - so - even in the context of you ended up being emotionally unavailable but still wanted to be with him, while it would 100% put a strain on the relationship I do believe he'd try and help, maybe hed bring you to Freminent for guidance or if he really doesn't know what he's doing he is nowhere near above not bringing you to Father, especially if the case is where you want to feel but just can't bring yourself to do so

[scoundrels-in-love]

1, 11, 39 for the fic ask thingy? 🐝

Thank you for asking, bbee. <33

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Truly, nothing scares and overall upsets me more than having to write multi-chaptered fics. I finally managed to break my curse of never having finished one earlier this year and I am gritting my teeth and chanting that I can and will finish the ones hovering in my WIPs as well. One shots is where my heart is at, even when I link them together in long collection.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Oh boy, I am not good at picking favorites, especially such limited number. But okay. *cracks knuckles* You're definitely getting more than just three, though.

sometimes it's heaven sent (we kiss, make up on the way) - a Mashwood Pushing Daisies AU by @dingusttmax that has been living in my corner of my heart and my mind. Painful, sweet and hot all at once. Absolute perfection. His through the deep dark forest long aka Mashwood Princess Mononoke AU is also just. SO GOOD. Fuckin' fantastic. Emotional, creative, stunningly described.

blended in measure the Mashwood series by @tardisready is just superb, fantastic, devastating, cleverly plotted and told, stunningly hot. Can't give it enough praise, truly. Also, ace Vash rep!

maybe my heart needs to break to be sure a Mashwood piece that comes with several warnings that absolutely should be heeded, but whew. The emotions, the love in this are absolutely fantastic, devastating and will stay with me for a long time. Forever, I suspect.

Mycorrhizae a Mashwood piece that left me just! Mouth ajar in the best way possible. Leaning into cryptid/inhuman Vash all the way in, absolutely fascinating and left me in awe and sick with writer and brain envy.

get your hopes up a Stryfewood focus Mashwood piece but Vash is very much present. Hot, emotional and just all around winner for me.

"Always" is in the eye of the beholder a VashMeryl piece and insight in Vash's immortality and the lifespan of love versus loved one.

Sister of Bandits by @ladymaliwan a VashMeryl piece about Meryl finding Ericks and Meryl is so delightfully badass in this, just everything about this is so good. I love the expansion of Meryl's arc that feels so natural that the author is making.

Bluebells by @needle-noggins is a VashMeryl fic in progress that has me captivated and not just because I've had the privilege of few sneak peaks of what's to come. Dealing with Meryl's very reasonable trauma after well... Everything. And navigating a life in the after. Which is a theme that I absolutely love to see explored.

for reasons wretched and divine a VashWood smut piece that comes with suicidal ideation warning. Trans Wolfwood and stone top Vash. The way this Wolfwood is written, it won't leave me alone. If I could do him this beautifully fucked up just once, I'd be happy.

Research Findings a Vashwood piece by @bienchanter short, funny as all hell, sweet. What's not to love. Like Smoke Through your Fingers by them as well - amnesiac Vash with synesthesia, which I think is such a winning combination. And it's not because I am biased, it's really a great zombie apocalypse Mashwood AU: what's it really for (if it's not yours and it's not mine)

There are several more I want to link, but I can't find them quick in my history, goddamit. I've been lax about bookmarking things lately. T_T

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

From what I have lovingly deemed Demi fic - a VashMeryl post Trimax piece.

“I thought you had died.” 

I almost did. Everyone else has. 

But it’s not true - she is here, hugging him so tight it almost hurts. So he does not say that, does not say anything at all, just holds her in return. Her shoulders tremble softly, because there's few things he's as good at as making her cry, it seems.

Vash doesn't count minutes holding her (comforting her, comforting himself), lets the few stray stares drip off of him, them, until Meryl is ready to pull away a little and look him in the face properly. There is an instant urge to turn his head away, duck out of her gaze, as if she could read all his recent failures in his features.

He doesn't, because he didn't come here to run away again. At least not the moment they've met. (He is tired of running. He is more scared of staying.)

Send me fanfic writer ask?&lt;3

[0rbit]

poem of ecstasy, one of scriabin's most famous works; my personal favorite recording because you can really hear the best part of the song around 18:27 to the end. side note: sometimes its wonderful that classical is interpreted differently by each player but it can get annoying when trying to really conceptualize the original work.

scriabin is known to have an extremely complex mind: synesthesia, a god/messiah complex, psychosis, among other things. he was deeply interested in art and the divine, and how he could entwine the two and reach enlightenment. one of his unfinished works "mysterium" highlights this as he describes it as (what was meant to be) a 7-day long performance (its actually 3 hours because he didnt finish it) including not only a musical performance but also displays of flame, sunrise/sunset, perfumes, dancers, eventually ending in a worldwide orgy and the enlightenment+replacement of humanity.

i think what i find draws me to his music is his thin ethereal veiling of the chaos that was his mind, bringing mixed feelings of fear ,awe, and ecstasy. he's described to sit at the border of romanticism and abstract classical. his music exemplifies the feeling of being utterly consumed by the intensity of art, the universe, and the senses.

this is my favorite piece of his, maybe my 3rd favorite classical piece of all time. it's probably his most abstract sonata, the rhythm accelerates and freezes at almost imperceivable rates. listening to this makes me feel like im a video game avatar going full ragdoll; suddenly the physics and rules of this reality are tossed away and i am at the full mercy of a larger, more complex universe. it's both terrifying and ecstasy inducing for me. ultimately, art is a container of the senses, a physical manifestation of the invisible workings of human beings; when the piano was invented, one can hardly believe they expected music like this to be produced from it. i really like this quote from "20th Century Women" where a character is trying to explain punk music: "it's really interesting what happens when your passion is bigger than the tools you have to deal with it. It creates this energy that's raw. Isn't it great?" ,i see this idea applied to so many works of art i enjoy, including this one. scriabin's grandiose, cosmic-sized plans for himself and the universe were bursting at the seams of it's containment through music of his era. the ending of this one, unlike "poem of ecstasy" is very anticlimactic and unsatisfying compared to the chaos that permeates the rest of the sonata; almost like his mind is flying off the keys and into a yet to be discovered dimension.

Also this meme. Which isn’t really about how “underground” the composer is but how mentally ill the listener is in my opinon

[songbirds-of-halcyon]

We got our more detailed medical records and guess what we have. You won’t fucking believe this.

First of all, we have several instances of being described as “not having a personality”, “hearing voices”, “identity confusion”, etc.

We have one letter stating various things we’ll pick out. We’re replacing our legal name with Halcyon and fixing the misgendering btw.

“Halcyon’s main areas of concern were that people do not accept that he has experienced trauma in the past.” They said this because I told them they were ignoring and not helping at all with the trauma.

“Following an extended assessment, it became clear that Halcyon’s difficulties are complex, not least because they are inflicted by Autism, which leads to very concrete thinking.” This was said because I wouldn’t take “we’ll treat you before we even consider diagnosing you/learning about your symptoms/treating you like a person” for an answer.

(HERE’S THE BEST ONE) “Halcyon’s sense of himself is very unintegrated, which leads to splitting off feelings and emotional states and giving them names and personalities, which Halcyon experiences as independent of himself.” Uh-oh! Someone’s describing a system! -_- Unintegrated identity, huh? Wonder what that could be. Nothing comes to mind /sar

They also openly call others in the system “personalities” in the letter btw. MPD? Never heard of it lol. /sar

Psychosis and “serious mental illness” was ruled out. I guess I’m demon possessed then.

They tried to say I (🌸) created them to help me “gain an understanding of how/why we developed this view of myself”, which was funny because I’m not the original host.

The second letter: S is my other, non-NHS therapist, btw. I don’t want to share her name here

“S fed back that she had started some solution-focused work with Halcyon around accepting Halcyon’s view that he has multiple identities and using and developing his strengths within these to help him move forward and achieve his goals.” This is just sceptical-talk for S has been talking to us like people and actually addressing the issue instead of pretending it’s “autism hallucinations” or whatever the fuck CAHMS are doing. You’d think this would be a good thing, no? A therapist is helping a trauma victim heal from their trauma and achieve goals in their life without fear or pain! Well, CAHMS has other opinions. CAHMS says…

“Halcyon seems to be more engaged in this way of working with S, rather the work being more about trying to challenge the existence of different personalities.” That’s right; because S isn’t encouraging me to drive the system to panic and possibly death again, it’s “not working”. Because S is doing her job and actually helping in a way that didn’t cause us to split 60+ times (I’m not even fucking joking), she’s wrong. CAHMS “method” literally almost caused me to go dormant, several near-deaths, months worth of doubt to the point where I was fucking banned from fronting because multiple of us including myself were so dangerously close to fucking up our own life permanently, and accusing us of being created/imaginary/hallucinations/lies/etc. And guess what, NONE OF IT WORKED!! I don’t understand why they keep trying to disprove it when everything they’ve done has failed, and they’ve by definition alone almost diagnosed me with DID already!! We’ve been so much happier dealing with this shit alone tbh.

S has been our main therapist for over 5+ years. We’ve been seeing her since we were 12. Our old host told her about the system before I even existed. Of course we fucking trust her, she’s known us for longer than any of the doctors at CAHMS, and she’s also just better at her job honestly (in more ways that just related to this).

Also CAHMS had a few comments about our C-PTSD. Apparently we:

Don’t have PTSD, but we do have…

Traumagenic synesthesia (which isn’t a thing)

Traumagenic gender dysphoria (trauma started at age 6 and we came out as trans at 3 so either we’re a time traveller or someone’s crap at their job)

And Traumagenic homosexuality! No, I am not fucking joking, this is in my actual literal medical records!!

Oh, and also developmental trauma, which is the CAHMS way of saying “yeah you have C-PTSD but we don’t wanna call it that bc we don’t wanna treat you”.

They also claimed that autism causes auditory hallucinations (hearing voices) and identity confusion (alters). Gotta love 60+ year old doctors who haven’t done any catch-up courses, am I right?

So yeah, CAHMS is a joke.

-🌸

[hokuto-no-pen]

Arguing with my chosen sister about Synesthesia and Aphantasia: The Reckoning

So… I’d like to go on a nerdy rant about the mind’s eye and the senses.

So back in the Jurassic Period, (2016) I was fortunate enough to take a workshop with the late Kim Jung Gi in Los Angeles, where he was going to do a presentation on his methodology of drawing, and all about HOW he did what he did.

Up until this point, I knew something was up with the way I thought about art making, but I couldn’t for the life of me put my finger on why I thought about things so strangely.

Growing up, I had anxiety going to sleep, and I remember my mother coming into my room to comfort me. She would tell me to count sheep until I fell asleep. I never saw anything but the darkness behind my eyelids, and assumed she was heavily involved in a metaphor because she thought I was stupid. So I entertained her idea, and despite it being a completely conceptual ritual in the dark that was scary, I managed to fall asleep. So I assumed that whatever that was, must have been imagination, right?

Fast forward, and throughout school EVERYONE (and I mean everyone, my friends, the teachers, my parents, bullies, my conversion therapist) would tell me “Oh wow! You’re so imaginative!” A phrase so loaded it could have shot up my entire high school /s (too soon?)

But these comments from (mostly) well meaning people definitely created a seed of confusion that prevented me from improving in my art.

Now, when everyone in your life tells you something, a majority of the time they are right. Like when your friends and family tell you you’re drinking too much, or have an attitude problem. But for whatever reason in my life the trend has been these people are actually almost always in the wrong. Obviously they were wrong about my gender identity being a delusion. I’m definitely trans and have always been. But, what I think nobody at the time collectively expected was that imagination and conceptual skills are two different things! Foreign to people at the time was the concept of Aphantasia, or lack of minds eye. That, on top of people assuming and reiterating I must have been imaginative by my sheer ability in my art making created an intense amount of unbearable confusion and self doubt in my younger self.

Going to school with students who had synesthesia was when I first noticed something was off. I tried describing to them how I draw by physically feeling colors and forms rather than seeing them flat, to which they didn’t seem to really understand or recognize that as synesthesia. Most of them had music synesthesia, and told me that it was a mixing of the senses. I had never heard colors, or seen sounds, or had a strange mix of associations with language and sound. So I didn’t fit the bill, and that was off the table. Disappointed, I tried to figure out why my perception and creative process was so strange, but was met with shrugs. So I accepted, rather than me being imaginative, I was just weird. But it wasn’t effecting my art at that point, just leaving many questions unanswered.

In 2014, I took an animation summer course at CalArts and experienced an entirely new problem. People were able to draw without planning, and from imagination in ways I had never seen before. I was shocked at how little my mind was capable of being surrounded by the sheer talent, and sunk into a deep depression when the course ended.

Then, back to where I left off before, I eventually took the anatomy class with Kim Jung Gi. Now Kim Jung Gi, for those not familiar with his presence prior to Aphantasia as a concept going mainstream, was like this magical fucking god from KOREA (a scary place where people actually value education and are smart) and made zero sense to the average person. Here’s a man who, in his own words, could fly around in a 3D world created in his mind and a seemingly endless visual library of objects he mentally collected, all of which was evident in his ability to externalize it on paper with pen flawlessly. Now it goes without saying once his shit got onto YouTube, kids from all over the world wanted to understand how he achieved such an imagination. It was like One Piece, but you’re not Luffy, you’re in the crowd watching Luffy as he punches the villain and sends you miles away as a casualty. He was the poster child for Hyperphantasia before that word was even coined. To the average person, he made working hard look like a joke. He was to the average overweight Animation Guild student what a human was to a chimpanzee. Unthinkable.

“How can I build a visual library and do that?” I thought, not realizing the mind fuckery that was in store.

I remember the workshop took place in an auditorium, with a big smart board and live feed of Kim’s table. From there a crowd of people, adults and fans, could witness the man in action.

Kim’s lecture was quite frankly in extreme depth, but was in layman’s terms this:

1.) You must study and copy reality directly and draw exactly what you see, which in turn builds the library of your imagination (if you have hyperphantasia).

2.) You must understand how the human eye sees perspective, and how those distortions effect your ability to properly place into space what you have learned and created from studies.

When the workshop was over, I remember some people had questions, but ultimately everyone seemed afraid to go up to him and get direct feedback. I figured, that maybe this man of all people could tell me what I was doing wrong. And believe me, he absolutely did.

So I went up to him and showed him some of my artwork. At the time, I was planning my pieces with dots because planning in my head wasn’t working (I’m sure you can imagine why).

And after a long pause, Kim said something to me, that at the time unbelievably pissed me off, yet was so poignant and literal I laugh at it today.

“You’re not really seeing.” He said.

At first, I think you can imagine the words going through my head.

“What do you mean I’m not really seeing? This guy thinks I’m blind? If I’m blind how the fuck did I walk here?

But years later, it would all make perfect sense.

I was browsing YouTube when I was 22, and found the TED talk about Aphantasia. And just, wow. I had gone my whole life thinking something was wrong with me, and I was absolutely right and once again other people were wrong.

I’m certainly a creative person, but imaginative isn’t the right word.

I’m conceptual, tactile, and certainly physical in my art making. I remember how it feels to draw something and the shapes and forms it makes, not how it looks. Like sculpting on paper.

Funny enough, one of my favorite animation heroes Glen Keane came out as also having Aphantasia. As an animator this gave me tremendous hope that my way of creating wouldn’t stop me from doing what I love, and the motivation to keep going.

And so I kept going. And now I’m here, farther along than I could have ever dreamed.

But recently talking with my chosen sister who has synesthesia has made me reevaluate some of the conclusions I came to about myself.

We were driving, and I asked, “Can you see the vibrations in colors? Like seeing the dots of light hit your eye, and the colors within the colors within the colors? Like film grain? Because I never see true colors, only the illusion of colors.

“No?” She said with extreme skepticism.

“That sounds like Synesthesia.”

I doubled down and exclaimed that it couldn’t be. I didn’t feel a mixing of the senses. So there’s no way.

She defended her answer with precision as always, saying “Isn’t a vibrantion a sound?”

“Yeah but it’s visual! You can’t hear it!”

She doubled down again.

“You probably have synesthesia dude. That isn’t normal.”

To this day, I still don’t know exactly why I’m able to see the individual rays of light in every color, or what that’s even called. I know I have aphantasia because I don’t see shit in my minds eye when I create. But nonetheless the creative process is certainly a extraordinary experience for me.

That being said. The journey is never over and I’m onto the next thing, unless I find another puzzle piece. Until then…

🫡

R.I.P. Kim Jung Gi

You told me what I needed to hear when literally no one else could, because you saw what no one else could see. Was a blessing to have met you, even for a minute.

[transzanotto]

The psychic 7 all have different views about gender and it’s so good. (this is all my hcs so if you disagree, that’s totally cool). I like to think Helmut’s synesthesia means he tends to describe his gender in ways that cis people don’t get like as colors or smells or music. Bob is a somewhat stereotypical trans guy in that he experiences dysphoria and euphoria and has known since around puberty. I think Lucretia should get to be one of those trans women who is super confident and radiant, has known for forever that she’s a woman and is super loud and proud of it. Cassie is genderqueer and multigender, but settles on fem presentation because she likes being perceived as gentle and her height means it’s difficult for that to happen. Ford forgets that gender exists until someone mentions it or it comes up. Otto loves gender and wants to study it and poke it with a stick. He rotates his gender in his mind so he can understand it. Compton didn’t realize that being trans was a thing until he met the others and he was like “oh! I quite like that actually.” in regards to being a guy. I just *clenches fist* I love old trans people.

GENDERQUEER CASSIE is so powerful oh my god

These are all really good anon I love 'em! Ngl your hc for trans Compton might actually make me change my mind about him... I never though of that for him before!

[playing-pauls-mel0dy]

oh yeah!! pretty much when you get to, what i call, "The Petscop Young'uns" (Rainer, Mike, Belle/Tiara, Care/Paul; named like this as to not confuse them with The Petscop Kids), then it's a guarantee that they're on the spectrum/neurodivergent in some way.

Rainer's autistic, he's got OCD (look idk how to explain this one but. He Gives The Vibes. said as someone who deals with, what i've heard it being referred to as, moral OCD), and, as i've mentioned on occasion, he's schizophrenic.

Paul is also autistic, and also has schizophrenia (while there's, apparently, from what i've heard, multiple factors that go into schizophrenia, genetics is one of them. it runs in Jill and Marvin's side of the family, and while neither of them have it, they ended up passing the genes down to Rainer and Paul respectively).

Michael has autism and ADHD. struggles a lot with focus (like. Really struggles. School Is His Personal Hell) and sitting still for long periods of time. as mentioned in one of my fics, he's got dyscalculia and needs to do math slightly differently for it to make any sense to him (if you do math in terms of Numbers, then it makes no sense for him. but if you do it in terms of things then he gets it. "showing his work" on math problems makes it look like he just decided to randomly start drawing things, but no: it's just him trying to draw out the problem in a way that makes sense. If The Word Problem Mentions Apples, Expect Him To Draw Apples). and honestly? haven't thought of Mike with synesthesia before, but tbh? makes sense for him. i can see it.

Belle, like Mike, is AuDHD. those two are on similar wavelengths, if not the same wavelength. Belle struggles a lot with executive dysfunction, and they hate it. if Belle is standing, they're either pacing a bit or fidgeting. maybe both. they also need to either doodle or fidget with something to pay attention. they got some meds for it later on in life, but y'know. they've got their ways of handling it. :]

(this ain't getting into stuff like. PTSD, depression, anxiety and all that. We'd Be Here For A While If I Included Those.)

some other fun facts!!

you're right in that their arts would be opposites! Rainer, while i do imagine his second favorite class after anything Computer Related would be English, very much expresses himself creatively through the coding he does and the game assets he makes. most of the stuff in Petscop (minus about...half the things that show up in Even Care) was stuff he designed himself. he just needed some extra help with coding and designing more assets that he didn't feel confident enough in his abilities to design correctly. Mike, however, expresses himself more through painting and drawing.

yeah...autism Does run in the family! both sides of it, actually. Lina and Anna are both autistic (i've literally described Paul as having inherited Lina's Vacant Autism Stare before, so...and Lina and Anna are fraternal twins). Marvin...has something going on, but i don't think it's autism. the guy gives off neurotypical vibes to me (this dude literally couldn't have given less of a fuck about the fact his daughter had sensory issues with eating. and one of the reasons he views Rainer as a "disappointment" is because he doesn't socialize a lot. Something That's At Least Partially Caused By His Autism). Jill...she could go either way in my eyes. hell, maybe there's a reason she's at least sympathetic to her sons' struggles. Thomas, at the very least, is the one who passed down the ADHD gene(s) to Mike. HELL, maybe Jill even passed some down!! who knows!!

and finally, a fun fact! a very depressing coincidence, if you think about it: the color Mike associates with emotions of comfort and safety is purple (which is a color i associate with Belle and Rainer), and the color he associates with nervousness, unease, and general discomfort is green (don't even need to elaborate on that one).

thought about Mike...my beloved lil guy who haunts the narrative <3 (to Rainer and Belle, anyway. Rainer does some Literal haunting. of a PS1 game and not the Narrative, though).

headcanon about him and his brother <3

so like. mostly 'cause i thought it'd be an interesting idea, the way i like to view Mike is that he's Rainer's polar opposite personality wise. he's endlessly optimistic and positive, he's outgoing, you get the idea.

but they're also different in how they like. express emotions.

Rainer struggles to express his emotions because sometimes he can't put a name to whatever emotion he's feeling. so he gets poetic and cryptic with it (an exception to this is like. hatred and grief. He Knows When He's Feeling Those).

Mike can understand what he's feeling, but can Not articulate it concisely, or very clearly, since he goes on tangents. this is why he likes expressing his emotions through colors and shapes.

to give an example:

Jill asks her sons how they're doing. both of 'em are kinda pissed off. here's how they'd articulate that, though.

Rainer: I feel like a steaming kettle, like I'm about to lose it. Kinda like I wanna strangle someone, tbh. Not sure if I'm just tired or hungry, though. (< technically both of those contribute to it, but uh. Neither Are The Main Emotion He's Feeling)

Mike: Upset, like uh...Storm* when he's feelin' stormy, y'know? Like a lil growly puppy. Like a rainstorm, Ma. Think the color red but spiky n' sharp. Like this kid at school really ticked me off- (God have mercy on you if you had anything to do for the next six minutes)

(* the Hammond Family dog, given to Mike as a 7th birthday present.)

autism runs in the family doesnt it….. i love how you can potray two autistic characters so differently and still ahve them both be very autistic. i also have alexithymia and end up sounding cryptic and strange so i totally understand rainer…. adding that to the list of things your rainer does that i also do. i also feel like mike would have synesthesia because thats also more common in autistic people and also artists. speaking of art. i think their art would also be kinda opposite, more like a thinking vs feeling approach where rainer is better with design work and michael is more comfortable drawing and painting and such. just a thought….

[britishsass]

Hc: Helmut has colour - soundr synesthesia and that's why walking on the colour bridges makes noises that change in tone depending on what colors you're touching. His 'you taste like shoes'comment has nothing to do with his synesthesia, in his overstimulated haze he actually licked razs shoe. He has decided to never speak of that again.

I'm more of a fan of the idea of him having both that kind of synesthesia and just... Everything really blurs together? I want to go super in-depth here, even though I'm bad with terms.

I mean, I'm not actually synesthetic, but I'll still describe voices as colors (For instance, the TF2 cast: Scout's got an orange tone, with some red. Real warm colors. Sniper's got a grey-brown with hints of green-- kinda camoflauge. Spy's very... dark red, same tone I'd use for blood. Soldier is a real sandpaper tone, maybe tan? Demo is a lovely blue-green. Engie is a soft blue. Heavy is like rubbing your face on a pillow, but i'd say it's a good color, maybe a nice dull red? Medic is orange-yellow tone.)

At the same time, I like to think that Helmut's senses are definitely messy after the jar time. All of a sudden there's so much! And the way I write him throughout my stories likely shows that.

For instance, from Otto's Ordeal:

"It’s a symphony. Violins and cellos, definitely. More electronic violins, though… And that bit over there, all the lights-- [...] Tastes like mint, or-- It’s spicy, but in a good way. The kind where you just breathe out and savor it. And that part with the red-- It’s sirens and screaming, something that’s not good-- Rotting away already, like… Bad produce! Yeah, really bad… peaches. I think. It’s got that nasty feeling to it. And the rest is-- It’s like-- And the whole thing-- It’s so--"

I wanted to emphasize that feeling of overwhelming colors, like looking out at a place like Vegas from a hotel room.

It's bright, it's chaotic, there's a million places your eyes want to go. I was personally referencing my memories of my last vacation, where I was able to see all the lights of a big city from the place we were staying at. It was beautiful at night, just standing outside and looking at the horizon, with the lights everywhere. And the chaos is, honestly, so much easier to express when you have someone like Helmut, who's got the senses jumbled up like that.

Another example of how I've used the same thing can be found in Cold Hands, Warm Hearts, where I use it to be Very Gay.

Did the air always smell like peppermint, or was that just the way his addled mind registered the feeling of someone leaning on him? Did it always taste like hot cocoa burning his tongue, or was that just the way that he could hear the soft breaths and the gentle ebb and flow of emotions like a tide?

To be honest, a lot of the time, mixing the senses is a lot easier for me to actually use them. I don't think about smells or tastes very much, so when I'm writing a character like Helmut, it's so much easier to express a feeling without spelling it out.

That whole story is full of examples, though! Here's a few more.

A slightly sad smile is "bells and a soft snowfall, or maybe a warm blue-green ocean and the warmth of the sun?"

Bob with sweater paws from Helmut's coat? "Smells like flowers and the sound of laughter"

Holding hands is described as "Neapolitan ice cream. With sprinkles. Rainbow sprinkles."

Hugging is described as rainbows.

A smile is described as "smell[ing] like warmth and chocolate cake"

Basically, it's just kinda fun for me to make it more of a mix of everything-- What can I say? I like writing Helmut Fullbear randomly saying something tastes like cold because i would do that too.

[shrimpmandan]

I’ve been reflecting some on my views lately.

I wanted to give my thoughts on the MOGAI community and my perspective on it as a neurodivergent trans person, and just kind of reflect on my stance on and understanding of it. This is really rambly because it's 3 AM and I'm tired, but this is just my own perspective on the MOGAI community and its relation to transmeds. I think the issue I have with MOGAI is mainly its conflation with being transgender, and how these terms are labeled with -gender at all.

To preface for anyone who doesn’t follow me and is just scrolling through tags, I'm autistic + ADHD, and to my knowledge a binary trans man. I consider myself a transmedicalist and anti-MOGAI, just on the basis that I don't think MOGAI genders can be, well, genders. From what I understand, gender is your neurological sex. I know there's been critiques of the brain sex theory, but it's the one that makes the most sense to me. In essence, your brain can't be pupgender because pupgender isn't a sex. I'm very science-oriented and I'm not inclined to support something as a label if it does not describe a real, proven occurrence. 

Though, I understand why people, particularly people with autism, use these labels. Some of them appeal to synesthesia, a complicated experience often comorbid with autism. I understand how an autistic person with synesthesia would 'feel' their gender. Hell, I know I do. I always described my gender as a feeling. Now, gender is more complicated than just 'a feeling', but my point stands. An autistic person may think their gender is foggy due to synesthesia, though I don't think there are any existing studies discussing such a correlation yet. Other labels, such as "autigender", are simply descriptors. It's not "my gender is autism", but rather "my gender is affected by my autism". This is where I have another issue. MOGAI labels are made for neurodivergent people, so why are they named in such a way that makes it really easy to misinterpret them literally? Even neurotypicals I've met see "autigender" and infer that it means "my gender is autism". Additionally, when getting into neopronouns, a lot of neurodivergent people have difficulties using or remembering neopronouns and how to conjugate them. I literally can't use nounself pronouns because it fucks with my language processing issues so much. But again, I can understand why they're used. Some neurodivergent people have difficulties using singular they/them. I read a post about someone having standard pronouns (he/she/they) be misophonia triggers, so they use neopronouns that don't trigger such a response. My only issue there is just how many there are. Thon/thons existed as a singular neutral pronoun at one point, and I think we should bring that pronoun back for folks who can't use standard pronouns comfortably, without having this laundry list of them.

In my opinion, MOGAI would be basically harmless if MOGAI genders weren't conflated with being transgender. Simply put, most transgender people can't relate to the MOGAI crowd. And by extension, what is MOGAI fighting for? How would their activism fit into ours? I know that many people who use MOGAI labels are also transgender, but some of 'em aren't. Some MOGAI users are cis neurodivergent people who have varying difficulties understanding or describing their gender. Now, I never experienced that, so I can't relate, but I can see it. I can see why a cis ND person would think "my gender feels kinda fuzzy" and then be like "fuck it, guess I'm fuzzgender." But, that doesn't make them trans. This weird conflation between MOGAI and being trans is extremely harmful and what a lot of people in transmed/anti-MOGAI circles take issue with. A lot of us don't relate to MOGAI and feel like our issues are being trivialized by this narrative that gender is just a fun way to express yourself, which is sadly not a reality for a lot of trans people, especially the teens who are pre-transition (the ones who are typically transmeds). It feels extremely invalidating for many. 

I think this is just down to the way MOGAI is presented. MOGAI was originally coined to be a more inclusive term for LGBT after all, and MOGAI genders are branded as, well, genders. I think that MOGAI should be rebranded and adjusted to be more cohesive (so that there aren’t a billion labels that are unused or just repeats of each other) as well as better described so that they don’t necessarily conflate with being trans. I've seen some people propose calling xenogenders "xenoidentities" instead, for example. "Xenodescriptors" could also work, possibly. I'm the type of person who tries to look for compromise. While I do put labels on my stances, my opinions on issues tend to be more complex than the label lets on. There's definitely a way to make both communities happy and healthy and fulfill their intended purposes. It's just difficult to get anything done when most of the online discourse is spent shitting on each other and harassing each other. I frequently see both transmeds and tucutes be doxxed, harassed, suicide baited, et cetera et cetera. That doesn't accomplish anything. That's just bullying. Name-calling and harassment is just bullying. If we could just facilitate a respectful, meaningful discussion and work together as communities to understand each other better and come to an agreement, then this discourse wouldn't need to go on any longer. Nothing is black and white. Both sides have their reasons for feeling the way they do. This applies to literally every other major LGBT discourse going on as well, from bi vs pan to acecourse to whatever the hell else. We need to make an effort to understand each other. This post is absolutely open for discussion if it doesn't get buried. I think I covered both sides pretty well but obviously the experiences of people who actually use MOGAI labels are much more important than my views from the outside. I’m cross-tagging this since I don’t want this to just be flooded with one side. I am actively welcoming interaction from either side on this post. Please just ignore this post/block me if you don’t wanna see it. This isn’t cross-tagged with malicious intent. I simply wish to gain more perspective on why people may use MOGAI labels, and also why other transmeds dislike them so. I obviously could be missing a few things.

[astrologista]

All the fic asks, if you dare

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha

1. approximately how many fics would you say you read in a year?

at least 30 (70 if skimming counts)

2. approximately how many fics would you say you write in a year?

1 or 2 (5-7 if drabbles count)

3. what’s one character that you write in fics or rp that has changed your life, one that you couldn’t do without?

timothy drake :)

4. what’s your favorite au premise?

i love domestic and deaging!aus very near and dear to my heart. or aus where some character(s) never died.

5. what’s the optimal wordcount for a fic? (it, of course, depends. but what do you like?)

i wanna say 10k

6. describe a fic that has or would bring you to tears. links appreciated.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30902738

7. describe a fic that has or would make you smile very hard and bury your face into your pillow / potentially scream a little bit. links appreciated.

any fic that features bruce wayne having vague well-meaning but overprotective tendencies tends to do this to me in spades lol

8. what kind of fic do you like to read at 3am? be as specific as you dare…

horror stories... >:) i like to be scared sometimes

9. what’s a fic you’ve thought of while you were drifting off to sleep?

lately i've been high on the whole somebody-wants-to-prove-theirself-so-they-run-off-and-get-into-a-dangerous-situation-whilst-trying-to-prove-theirself-necessitating-their-caretaker-and-or-boss-to-come-and-save-them trope. i think last night it was apollo justice lol.

10. what’s a huge fic project that you’ve always wanted to work on but never can find the time?

a series of fics sort of chronicling different stages in tim drake's time with the robin mantle and how he grew and changed. for flavor, a grander overarching plot involving tims from different universes working together.

11. what’s a fic you’ve thought of while showering/bathing?

something iddy probably, or i forgot :o

12. what’s your go-to plot bunny and/or trope when you’re daydreaming?

some form of domestic au!

13. make up a fic title for a brand new fic you’ve never thought of before.

"monstrous moonshine" <- this is a real term in advanced math, google it. never found a good place to use it but i would love to

14. tell us about a fanon misconception that often shows up in fic about one of your favorite characters, and why it’s completely wrong

tim drake does NOT cry easily. he's more likely to hide his emotions than not. although fics where he cries can be done really well. i don't think stress or pain alone would be enough to make him cry though, he is pretty tough. i just think too many fics portray him as a wilting lily when he so is not.

15. do you experience synesthesia when you write? what about when you read?

i get a very detailed mental image almost like a movie in my head whenever i read or write anything that i halfway care about. if it's something i'm required to read or write, then i don't get any image of it and usually retain nothing lol

16. have you ever written something fluffy that made you feel happy, then pulled back because you didn’t want to get comments about writing something ooc? any other situations similar to this come up?

yes, i do like to write a lot of deaging! fic for myself. it's a comfort thing. but, i keep most of it to myself not because i think it's bad writing but because i would rather avoid any kind of comments on it, good or bad. maybe i'll post some of it someday with comments disabled, lol.

17. if a 12 or 13 y/o approached you for advice on starting to write and publish fanfiction (whether for personal enjoyment or in a friendly, age-appropriate public/internet space), what would you teach them?

not worry so much about spelling and grammar. things like that are easily improvable later on and it can be really paralyzing when you're jumping in and proofreading manically. also you don't necessarily need your work to be beta read to post it, there's no rule about that anywhere.

18. what’s a very small headcanon that you have that could easily be a novel-length fic if you had the time?

idk i just want to see other people's answers to this

19. who’s that character and what is a specific canon moment for that character that you can talk about for centuries and just never ever get tired of it?

that moment in ace attorney dual destinies (which is admittedly a horrible game otherwise) where apollo mimicked kristoph gavin on the stand. WHAT WAS THAT. WHAT THE FUCK.

20. have you tried to get people in your life on board with your fanfiction or is it all super secret because they’d never understand?

no never. and never will lmao.

21. hurt/comfort specific: have you ever written a hurt/comfort fic that reflected something that you have personally been through in your life?

i've not written any specific moments into my fics but the wip i'm writing now has had me drawing on interactions i've had with certain narcissists in the past

[morekissingafterdark]

not actually nsfw wip wednesday #9

I am putting this here because a. it's very obviously pillowtalk and b. I gotta link to this conversation with @perseusjackson-jasongrace for context and that is very, very nsfw.

But uh, yeah, it's still (barely) wip wednesday and immediately after this whole thing I scurried off and now I accidentally 700+ words so I figured it was only fair I post an excerpt. 😚

"I'm sorry if I ever get weird with you."

Beckendorf— Charlie, as requested softly less than an hour ago; he has to remember that— skates one big hand over Percy's bare back. Warm and tender.

"I like a little weird, but I'm guessing that's not what you mean."

Percy presses his face into the shoulder next to him. He doesn't want to admit it, but he finds it's hard to lie to anyone in this house— Charlie especially.

"You're built a lot like him," he mutters, hating himself a little for it. "You have the same chest and hands. You're quiet like he is, and you dote on us the same way he doted on me."

There's a moment of tense silence.

"Is it too painful?"

Percy pulls back to look Charlie in the eye. He hates that expression— anxious and a little guilty— and whines softly before he realizes he's doing it.

"It's one of few things that stops the pain, at the moment. When I'm here, I never wake up thinking he's in the shower and crash when I remember he's—"

Damn it. His eyes are stinging again. He breathes a few times, absorbing the sensation of callused fingers against the base of his spine.

"Before I even open my eyes, I know it's you and you've got me. You sometimes feel the same, but you smell completely different."

The shades of ochre in Charlie's deep brown skin seem to glow slightly where the light reflects off him through the window, almost copper. Percy brushes his thumb over a moonbeam, heart picking up a little at the smile he gets in response.

"I can't really describe it in a way that's gonna make sense to you," he adds, feeling himself flush slightly. "Since they're things that actually do have smells, but we're talking in terms of my synesthesia."

"Try me."

Percy blinks, feels himself go hotter— and remembers, belated, the conversation about the color of voices. Clarisse is a vibrant magenta; Silena's is soft, pale gray; Chris is deep, dusty rose.

As much as he likes the others, particularly the palette they make when they're all talking with each other, Charlie's is his favorite— somewhere between turquoise and cobalt, clear like a bell.

Percy's heard him sing, but only in very short bursts or very small groups. It's a tragedy, because his voice is absolutely beautiful; a little higher than Jason's and a little lower than Percy's, silky-soft and lyrical.

But he's calm when they're alone, and you can hear the lack of tension in it. Percy counts himself lucky that he's in the inner circle and gets to hear entire songs, and wouldn't trade it for anything.

At least he gets to shine every time he dances in front of a packed house. Percy's been to every performance he possibly could since Charlie joined up with a professional ballet company, but it feels a lot more special to be in the audience now, with Clarisse holding his hand on one side and Chris's arm through his on the other.

"I don't even know what my nose is crossing with, but the result is that he smells like electricity and you smell like fire."

And just like how he'd smiled then, Charlie goes pleased and flattered. It's subtle, but Percy's getting better at noticing it every time they do this.

"I like that imagery. Keeping you warm."

Yup.

[rheawritessometimes]

Hello! I’ve never gotten a match up before, I hope this is okay. I might be bad at describing myself

I’m a 19 year old female, my gender preference is male, and I would like my match up to be romantic

My personality is ENFP, I tend to be optimistic, kind, and bubbly, and I’m 50/50 on introvert vs extrovert.

My hobbies include art, singing, reading, and studying history and literature

I like sweet and savory foods, flowers, gemstones, and anything related to the angel, pirate, or cowboy aesthetics. I also like rain.

I don’t like bitter or spicy foods, I don’t like cherries, and I don’t like receiving gifts

Other things to note, I have color grapheme synesthesia (I think of words and numbers in color) and I would prefer not to match with Zhongli

Thank you! Sorry if this isn’t good enough

I match you with...

Albedo!

Once he finds out you’re into art he wants to set up easels and sit across from you so you can make portraits of each other. That’s romantic, right? You both like art so he’s pretty sure it’s a good idea.

The conversations that can happen between a history person and a science person? *chef’s kiss* Talking about the historical context of scientific discoveries and certain practices on one side and on the other side talking about how science changed the course of history. A debate on what is historically thought to be the Windblume vs the Windblume produced by alchemy? Yes.

Albedo will ask your opinion on sweets he enjoys as a way to share them with you. He makes it look Serious and Scientific by writing it down in a notebook but he’s really just recording your favorites.

Brings home flowers from Sucrose’s experiments to show you. He’ll find some of the interesting specimens to show you. Please let him tell you about all of this flower’s interesting qualities.

Will go out of his way to show you the various samples of gems that end up in his lab. Extra excited to talk about the ones that have elemental energy and look how this Electro gem shocks me when I pick it up. He’s just really wants to talk to you about his work, especially if it’s an aspect you enjoy.

“You like the pirate look? Do you… want to meet Kaeya?”

Wants to ask you about your perceptions when it comes to graphene synesthesia if you don’t mind. Very excited if you’ll paint the colors you associate with certain things for him. He wants to know how you perceive the world.

Albedo often finds himself sketching you, he finds the opportune time is when you’re reading. It could be the subtle shifts in your expression depending on the book’s mood, but it’s also possible that the reason is because you’re sitting still for an extended period of time. But sometimes it was hard to concentrate with him watching you. For the most part you could ignore it, but this time it was a little different.

“Albedo? You’ve been staring,” you speak up, eyes leaving the pages to focus on the Chief Alchemist.

“I’m just sketching you, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Your pencil hasn’t moved in fifteen minutes,” you point out tentatively, not wanting to come of as accusatory. Large teal eyes blink owlishly at you as Albedo processes this.

“Oh, you’re right. Then I’m just staring at you, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Okay.”