#TheBlacksheepProject

[theblacksheepproject-blog]

Paige Simianer Two weeks before I was scheduled to embark on my dream study abroad program, Semester at Sea, I got a phone call from the onboard doctor that shattered what I so desperately thought was God's plan for me. This doctor had deemed me as "mentally unstable" and "unfit to sail." Therefore, I was no longer allowed to go abroad. Earlier in the year I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder. In addition, I have an extensive history of self harm. I admitted these things on my medical history form submitted to the staff of SAS. I disclosed this information because I wasn't ashamed of it. It's a part of my past and a part of what ultimately makes me, me. I didn't think it made me any less of a student or any less deserving of this opportunity. However, once I was labeled as a "mentally unstable high-risk liability" (actual words from an email I received from SAS), I instantly felt shame, guilt, and embarrassment. But, with the grace of God, I felt even more compelled to prove that doctor wrong. So, I made the decision to take a leave of absence from CU, travel to a remote village in Fiji, and serve as an assistant teacher to children for this next semester. I refuse to let whatever people label me become my truth. My truth lies with Him. My burdens are surrendered at His feet. I'm being called to go deeper and serve in His name. My vulnerability allows me to have deep conversations that further contribute to my healing . I'm so excited for this opportunity Jesus is blessing me with. I'm amazed, inspired, and absolutely terrified. I leave on Wednesday.

[theblacksheepproject-blog]

Luke Kelly

Yo, my name is Luke Kelly. I think the name Lucas is way cooler but few know that. When I look at my life my friends and family are all I care about. They've taught me everything I know, especially my two sisters. Cassidy taught me what it means to have a heart of gold. Caitlyn taught me I'm worth something and "if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough". My dream is to follow Jesus well, and teach kids what I've learned from my two sisters forever. My hope rests in that.

[theblacksheepproject-blog]

Luke Barnocky I find my joy in being with others. It's what fulfills me on a daily basis. But, there's much more to it than having a simple relationship with someone. In the vicious world of high school seeking validity from the people I surround myself with was unbelievably important to me. The thing is, every interaction simply wasn’t good enough. I’m not funny enough, I’m not cool enough, I’m too annoying, too boring... whatever. Long sleepless nights over something I wish I said or didn’t say. Hating myself for not being the right person. I realized the thing I thought was lifting me up just left me more broken and empty…... Now I don’t have a defining moment in my life, no champion success story or rock bottom, but I do have the daily battle of finding my true self. I know that strength and identity comes from the lord. So that leaves me where I am today, a high school kid knocking on that door trying to find God so I can find myself through him.

[theblacksheepproject-blog]

Susie Rinehart

I was raised to believe that I could be anything I wanted to be. The way I internalized that message was that I must go out into the world and be great. Yet there were many times that I didn’t feel capable of being great. All I ever saw were the outer, perfect performances of men and women in my life: my father’s crisp suits and ties, my mother’s several degrees and awards. I never heard about their inner conflict, so that when I encountered doubt or struggle as a young woman, as the leader of a school, as a writer, and as a mother, I thought that the confusion I experienced was uniquely mine. I assumed everyone else knew exactly what she was doing. Then I started asking people for their stories, and I heard the constellations of suffering and beauty that make up who we are. Now, as I raise two children, I want to move away from giving them motivational speeches full of high expectations about how they can be anything they want to be. Instead I want to move towards open conversations from a place of trust and courage. I want them to live big lives, full of meaning and impact. To do that, I don't believe the world needs them to be great, it just needs them to find enough courage to contribute to the common good.

[theblacksheepproject-blog]

Ellie Moran

Winds in the east, mist coming in. Like somethin' is brewin' and bout to begin." Maybe it's because my mind works in a million different ways or because of my made fun of size and shape, my volume or inability to take a good picture, but I have always been the black sheep. I don't say that because of the title of this project, it's a fact of my life. I am different. I think in creative stories and can remember back to when I was three years old. I've never been like the other girls in the schoolyard, and growing up, that pained me. Still does. I seek to make myself known in crowded places, to be the first on the dance floor, the loudest at the dinner table. Truth is, the quiet parts, the hidden spaces, my wandering imagination, the unseen joy--that is where I am found.