#Tongue in cheek

[undercover-bro]

Someday Courtney will just appear on screen and be like, "You all know my husband, Shayne, our boyfriend Spencer, Spencer's boyfriend Tommy, our workwife Amanda and her wife Angela," and I will barely blink.

[izzy-positive]

For Izzy & Crew event / Wee John week / "hobby" day, I present to you: Izzy Hands, trying in vain to understand knitting. I did not know what to do for this event. I have no creativity in my body at this time. So I wrote a haiku! (which hasn't happened since, um, *mumbles*)

Who makes their own clothes from string and a pair of sticks? You could just steal some.

"You mean to tell me, that ball of yarn is going to turn into a shirt. A shirt?? You could scrape every barnacle off the ship, wait for them to collect again, and then scrape it clean once more, in the time it took you to make a fookin' shirt.

Fucking hell. Anything to get out of work..."

I love the idea of Izzy beginning to take interest in the things the crew's doing around him, a la Calypso's Birthday and "the fuck's a look?"

This man who has been pointed straight ahead at the target his entire life... suddenly realizing he can slow down, take a breath, look around, and there's things going on that - if he wants - he can participate in. He can question, he can investigate, he can learn about. At the very least, he can mock them for being a fookin' waste of time. (which, lets be honest here, is Izzy's hobby)

<3

[feraltwinkseb]

April 9, 2011 - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

[enchanted-moura]

Which female rap artist will give us a whore anthem for the summer. Did WAP not restart the economy after Covid? Did onlyfans not boom during that time period? Lmaoo, we need another bop😂😂😂🤭

[pupstim]

keep thinkin about back like Bad's second day with Dapper. How he made like an exact replica of his home because he's extremely paranoid. And later it actually helped because when cucurucho came to confiscate his diamond backpack that roier snitched smh cucurucho was in the wrong home.

AND When bad goes to check on the decoy home they find a chair and dirt making it all dark so it like shows Cucurucho went in there and tried to create a scary scene to spook badboyhalo but it all fell flat because badboyheckinhalo was two steps in front and cucurucho fell for the decoy and had to get out of their cool set up and walk into bad's actual home. That's the real reason why the Federation refuses to give Bad lore, the one time they tried to mess with him he utterly embarrassed them without even meaning too.

Just... the set up for it cucurucho anticipating and probably looking forward to scaring bad in his own home, hearing bad talking and getting ready to be ominous only to realize he walked into some other place literally like 3 blocks away from you and then realizing oh... this was a decoy, utterly destroyed.

[weepingfoxfury]

It went that way ...

As I looked down into one of the dog water bowls last night, I was greeted by the sight of a small slug inching its way around the inner wall. 'All very well' I thought 'but then you'll drown ... you always do ... and then where shall we both be? I with a corpse and you with your slug-like afterlife.'

I shouldn't help ... (sigh) ... I really shouldn't. Each time I help, things go awry. This I know from many other wee things that I have assisted.

A dilemma. A dilemma indeed. But I pushed my better instincts aside ... got a small piece of tissue and removed the slug from the bowl. I then opened the back door and shook the tissue a little in the hope of easing the slug off it and onto the floor outside.

This, I swear was my intention. My good intention. My very good intention.

However ........

As so often happens, instead of the slug being released ... my hand did its usual and didn't co-operate, it twitched randomly ... which led to the end result of both slug and piece of tissue being propelled leftwards towards the wall. And, in the silence of the night, a little wet splat was clearly heard.

I blinked ... I pondered ... I then closed the back door and went to bed.

This morning I opened the back door to let Biggest Dog out ... and, out of the corner of my eye, there was the piece of tissue. Sans slug, of course. So I can only hope that there was merely mild concussion from my 'good deed' and the slug went off and had a fine old time with all the other slugs.

It's that ... or ... maybe I shall be forever haunted by the slug's spirit. Each night it's wet little manoeuverings shall be heard across the kitchen floor. I shall sleep no more as it whispers wetly in my ear 'You call that helping ... do you?' ...

[heywriters]

how to make a tumblr post (and get notes!)

Have never seen any post discuss these exact things, so i'm sharing my insights with y'all*

Use images. They don't have to be good or spectacular like this extremely coherent thing I just made. They just need to catch the eye break up dashboard monotony.

The gif search feature is an unreliable wild card at best and a NSFW eye gouge at worst, but it gives credit to the op of the gif

If you're an artist your whole post is your images, so skip to the links and tags section of this post because the rest won't help much.

-> Image Descriptions

When making a post that contains images, hover over an image and click the meatballs icon in the lower right corner of the image. Click "update description" to add a description. It isn't always necessary, but it is very courteous for a variety of accessibility reasons.

-> Text

Break up your text. Run-on sentences are standard here, lack of punctuation too, you can really do whatever you want, but avoid massive blocks of text. unless you've got a really incendiary opening line and the entire center of that granite chunk of text is actually comedy gold, hard-hitting tumblr journalism, or one of those zany confessional posts that can be followed up by the drive thru meme

break up

your text.

and go light on the ALL CAPS. save it for emphasis or when you're feeling very unhinged or saRcAStiC y'know how that goes, i don't need to explain it. this site has a very dry tone to its posts so caps are rare. also periods

Bullet points and numbered posts are good and fine. The "Chat" post option is used less often these days, but different groups found uses for it so it sticks around.

Titles Matter

they help break up text and put people at ease. they are best for informative, mature posts but can make you look like a square in more relaxed conversations. sometimes they are also great for emphasis in a comedic sh*tpost (censorship is entirely up to you, btw. you don't have to censor much on tumblr except titties and genitals).

Tumblr automatically shortens long posts now, but etiquette asks that you tag #long post if you want to avoid clogging up someone's dash. It don't matter too much though, this is the "color of the sky" site, so get used to posts being too long

That being said "READ MORE" is a fantastic feature. Use it when you want some level of privacy like "hey, only click below if you want to hear about my problems" or "click below to read my 18+ fanfic." Read more is also great in case you want to delete something forever. If a reblogged post has a read more, but op deleted the og post, that content is gone (readmore has to be on the og post at time of posting for this to work, btw; edits to og post do not span all reblogs)

the other bells and whistles like colored font or italics are helpful in improving text, but we don't really rely on them. every mode of looking at this site alters those aspects somehow so we often ignore them

-> Links

Hint: People don't want to click links. We don't know where they're taking us. Most of us are on our phone and don't want to open another tab or leave the app to go on the browser. We're cozy here on Tumblr and do not wish to be whisked away (unless it's a rickroll)

Don't leave the link thumbnail to do all the work, like so

add a little sneak peak info, maybe your favorite line from the article or a reason why it's important for people to know the info on the other side of that link. Sell it!

When you're adding a link into a list, i.e. no large thumbnail just a line of text leading you to another site, try not to copy/paste the link as is

"https://......"

No one wants to click on that it's gross and scary. It's screams "meh, i'll click later if i feel like it." If the build up to the link is too good to resist ("if you want to save the orphaned puppies here's the link") then that http mess is sufficient.

Otherwise, dress your links up a little by including the title or a description of what the link goes to:

Or, if it's an informal post where you're just popping info in to back up whatever insane thing you just said, just write something like "link here" or "(x)" and hyperlink it.

-> Tags

artists, writers, and other creators: leave a tag on your creative content that makes it easy for blog visitors to see it all at once. e.g. "My work" and we click on that while on your blog and see only your works

You can have up to thirty tags on any post. All will make your post show up in searches and followed tags (it used to be only the first five tags that got you traction). However,

Please. Do not tag everything you can possibly imagine being relevant to your post because

It's called tag spam and it's against TOS

Everyone here hates that

No one is going to check all those tags ever. Someone might search one five years from now and accidentally find your post hanging out in the ether and they'll still ignore it.

Your imagination is wicked tiny because I guarantee the perfect tag is going to be something indecipherable and seemingly niche.

Follow popular tags (or at least be aware of them)

If yours is an off-the-cuff post and you don't have time to find out what a niche group is into then wing it, sure, idc. this is also the shitposting site do whatever you want

Don't put your hate in the fan tags. This is the unapologetically-like-dumb-things site and your negativity is not wanted. You can still complain, just avoid tagging to get the attention of the fans of whatever you're complaining about. That enables pvp and even nonfans will know you deserve the backlash

-> Audio & Video

clickable by nature because we all love noise and moving images so there's no special way to share posts like this. just post them with good tags and maybe a one-liner, and they'll sell themselves

Tip: it's nice to add descriptions to these too but it isn't common

Protip: if the audio is the best part of the video (e.g. a baby burps REALLY loudly and it's hilarious) please caption or tag "Unmute!"

-> mkay bye

that's all i can think of right now. will update later if i remember something

---

*this is year eleven of my time on tumbles and i studied marketing in college for like six of those years and have been applying that bupkis to tumblr ever since. every post i see that gets no traction and every lovely artist that goes nowhere on here bothers me so deeply and i sincerely want y'all to succeed <3 <3

+ If you find this helpful and want to support my blog, I have a ko-fi!

+ If you're concerned about my mental health from being on Tumblr so long and want to contribute to my "get better" fund, I have a ko-fi!

[tinlantern]

I made a new quiz!

[lannamichaels]

We really don't talk enough about how there are kosher butchers in Discworld but the only Jewish characters are golems, who don't eat. Who are the people buying so much kosher meat?

[headspacedad]

People will try to tell you what 'being an adult' is. They will try to dictate what milestones you have to achieve before you count. They will try to tell you what rules 'being an adult' means you have to live by.

I've been an adult now for a while and I want to tell you that's all bunk.

Not all of us have a favorite burner on the stove.

[undercover-bro]

Gf ran into old pics of bearded Shayne in a beanie...guys as we move into the cooler months, we are one cozy sweater away from me having to write lonely lighthouse keeper Shayne and probably sea creature Courtney. I KNOW how her diabolical brain works, do you know how much selkie lore I was inudated with before I wrote her a short story last year?

[all-of-her-light]

So Chapter 138 of Oshi no Ko opens with the reappearance of Ruby's patterned pajamas complete with droopy nightcap, to the joy of some of us fans.

But did you notice that these pajamas look a little different from the ones back in Chapter 68? These are short-sleeved with a dot pattern, while those were long-sleeved with a star pattern. (Even the pom-pom on the hat was a star!)

This implies that Ruby has owned not one, but at least two distinct sets of pajamas in this style. (Maybe the short-sleeved ones are for summer and the long-sleeved ones are for winter.) I think that's pretty great.

[thekimspoblog]

1996's "Harvester" has really grown on me, having now watched an entire playthrough. My first reaction to it was "lol look at this weird stupid game", but even if the writing is a little hamfisted at times, it's a game that know exactly what it is and in many ways it was ahead of its time. Really deserves a spiritual successor or something.

[0rb0t]

Silco told me specifically that fanart of him with Vander makes him chuckle and everyone should make more of it

[weepingfoxfury]

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday ...

Not raining here, just 50 shades of grey without the bad writing. Never did understand the hoo hah over those bog awful books and films. Managed 3 pages of the first book (got it for 50 cents in a charity shop ... I was robbed;-)) ... and decided no self respecting dictionary should ever have made a donation to that particular pile of drivel.

Twas relatively quiet at the garage at the point I went up there. A Bank Holiday = many 'dawny' heads and late starts. Was amused by the sign in the vehicle that was briefly parked at the pump in front of me. 'Suckin Diesel' it said. A favourite on the Emerald Isle when something starts to go well is to say 'now we're suckin diesel.'

Today will involve cake making ... pondering of life, the Universe and keeping my toes in good order ... and probably a yet to be decided upon film, but heavily leaning towards digging out the original Rear Window.

I'll sidle off this page now leaving you with a good few 'ah sure lookits' ... a couple of 'how would you be wells' ... and a final 'take it handy' ...

[ms-scarletwings]

I’m totally playing Devil’s Advocate for Gaz here but every time you think she’s being an absolute demon to her brother and it’s uncalled for, recall the full extent of Dib’s most insufferable and jerkass behaviors, and imagine being under the same roof as that guy every day. Sharing a fridge and pantry with that. Sharing a common living space with that after you’ve already spent a school day with it. You’re like, 11 and just want to play video games and do normal childhood stuff, and you live with Dib Motherfucking Membrane.

Yeah yeah, he got what he deserved for the Pork Taster thing, but I’m pissed off on sis’s behalf just watching how often the dude straight up shows negative amounts of consideration when it comes to someone else’s food. What the hell.

Use me as a guinea pig for dark magical arts and curses? Well, nobody’s perfect bro. We all make mistakes.

Drink the last soda unnotified like that? Fucking yoink my pizza slice out of my own hand??? You are catching some freaking hands you audacious little twerp.