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happyreid187 · 5 years ago

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Beats working - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Word count: ~2.5 K

Description: Reader’s friends finally make her go to a party, and force a certain genius to attend as well...

Warnings: SMUT. Explicit, 18+ only! Not gender neutral. Oral sex (reader receiving), unprotected sex, borderline degradation but not really. It’s sort of Dom!spence vibes but very soft. There is alcohol involved at the beginning but consent is made clear. I named the reader’s friends but they’re only mentioned twice so you can def fill that in with your own friends if you prefer :)

“Thank god, you workaholic bitch!” One minute into the party and Marley was already chastising you. Fair. Though you made time for brunches and wine nights, you had missed many of her signature parties. “I’m sorryyyy,” you sang, pulling her in for a hug. “I’m here now.” “Do you think they’ll survive without you for a night?” she giggled. “No, but I don’t really care. Point me in the direction of the alcohol?”

After some obligatory small talk, you found your way through the party to a slightly quieter area, leaning against the wall. You weren’t having a bad time exactly, but you were definitely reminded why you avoid these things. A tall, slim man made his way over, leaning next to you. You had seen him when he came in, having felt drawn to him immediately - he was greeted with similar fanfare, but by Marley’s boyfriend Ben, who lamented his absence at recent parties. You noticed him from the start, but as he stood closer to you, you really took him in, his messy chestnut hair and sharp jawline. He made your brain go dumb. He was, like... really pretty. He seemed shy, but still spoke first “You don’t really seem like a party person. I thought I was the only person they had to force to these things.” he chuckled. “Yeah, I find that I’m about a million percent - well that’s not a thing - a million times more charming one on one. These things make me quiet, and I’m not quiet.” “I love that you corrected yourself there,” he laughed for real this time, and you were weirdly proud of yourself for bringing it out of him. He seemed so stoic and anxious when he first walked in. “I totally relate - I’m usually dead silent at these things and normally people can’t get me to shut up, and...” he smiled at you, and butterflies overtook you “I think you’re plenty charming now.”

It turned out he was the charming one, and he wasn’t so quiet after all. After brief introductions, he really opened up. You could see what he was saying about never shutting up as he rambled on and on, but you couldn’t understand why anyone would ever want him to stop talking. You could have listened to him all night, and you did. The hours flew by. You learned his name and title - he asked you to call him Spencer - how smart he is, and that his passion for his job mirrored your own. You learned a lot, listening to him talk, as he lamented the amount of germs at parties; how entirely disgusting he finds the proximity and amount of touching they inspire. Contrary to his words, he was sitting incredibly close to you, and you could feel his eyes on your lips. The feeling of this stranger’s eyes on you made you happy in a way you couldn’t explain. Maintaining his anti-party rhetoric, he started whining about how stupid it is to try to interact with people in a space where it’s too loud to hear oneself think. The space around you was deafening, and only getting worse, as the people around you got drunker while you two became progressively less so. The benefit of this was that it forced him to sit with his thigh against yours on the couch and say everything in your ear, like a secret. But having him that close gave you goosebumps, and you wanted him even closer.

“It is really loud. Do you wanna... maybe get out of here?” you nervously inquired. His eyes lit up at your suggestion as he started to shift to stand, but then a shyness crossed over his face. “Are you sure?” he replied, glancing at the beer in your hand. “Yes, yes I’m sure.” He looked unconvinced. “I’ve had two drinks in...” you glanced at your watch “four hours. I’ve barely been sipping this one.” He nodded knowingly, “Well, yeah, and considering the average person can metabolize roughly one drink per hour, and those have a relatively low alcohol content, your blood alcohol should be well below the legal limit for driving. I know you’re not drunk. But the whole time we’ve been talking you’ve been...” he paused. He looked nervous. “Uninhibited? Are you sure you want to leave here with me?” Your chest squeezed at the emphasis he placed on the last two words. He not only wanted to make sure you were fully able to want him, he seemed to question why you would. There was a lot to unpack there, so you pushed it from your mind. You would find myriad ways to reassure him of your desire after you left. Right now you just needed to get out of there, or you were going to suck face in the corner of your friend’s party, and you were both too old for that. You leaned in close, and spoke slowly placing excessive inflection on every single word, as if that would make him believe you. “I am absolutely certain that I want you.” Spencer seemed satisfied. He stood and grinned, pulling you to your feet.

You made your way out of the room swiftly, with him at your heels, his palm on the small of your back. He trailed behind you as you stepped out the door and through the frigid air, moving towards your car. You were too nervous to turn to look at him. Your thoughts turned to insecurity at the coffee cups, receipts, and work clothes that littered the floor and passenger seat. Before unlocking the door, you spun around to warn him, but before you could even open your mouth, his was on yours. As reserved as he had seemed inside, he wasn’t holding anything back now. His lips crashed against yours, bordering on violent, but it wasn’t messy. Your bodies seemed to know how to link, somehow. He grabbed your waist harshly, shoving you against the door. Leaving one hand with a tight grip on your waist, like you were going to slip from his grasp, he brought the other to the side of your neck, his touch surprisingly soft compared to the rest of him. He placed heavy kisses down your neck and along your collarbones. Without his mouth against yours, there was nothing to quiet you. “Oh my god, Spencer...” you gasped. You weren’t sure what you expected, but you hadn’t quite expected him to be so in charge - it was an extremely satisfying surprise. He pressed himself impossibly closer to you, that gentle hand ghosting down your spine and moving to cup your ass. His mouth returned to yours, probably to keep the rest of the party from hearing you, tongue moving with yours.

“I thought you didn’t like to touch people,” you gasped with a smile as you pulled away dizzy, needing to catch your breath, though your desire to feel his lips felt stronger than your will to breathe. He snapped away from his powerful state for a moment, the lust fading from his eyes slightly and turning into something warmer, his gaze softening. “Oh I want to touch you,” he muttered, a grin tugging at the corners of his now pink, puffy lips. “I want to touch you,” he said again, both reassuring and frighteningly intense, the softness fading but still present “Like this,” his hand found it’s way to your reddened cheek, flushed from both him and the cold, running across you so lightly he was barely there. “And like this...” his other hand found its way from your waist to your breast, squeezing and eliciting a moan from you as he ran his thumb harshly across your nipple. The hand on your cheek simultaneously shifted to grab your chin, forcing you to look at him - as if you weren’t already. His eyes were dark again, and so fierce that you felt simultaneously consumed and overwhelmed. You fought the overwhelm, following his silent demand that you remain focused on his face. You would do anything he asked, with or without words. He returns your focus and leans in, voice deep and austere, crackling against your ear “And like this.” His hand slipped under your dress, cupping your pussy through the drenched lace. Spencer looked entirely elated. “Baby,” he started. You melted at the name. You were going to die. Your heart was going to explode through your chest, but there are worse ways to go. “You’re already so wet for me. I haven’t even started yet,” he muttered. He was so smug. “Were you this wet for me in there, sitting on our friends’ couch?” You didn’t think you would be able to speak, so the sound of your voice surprised you. “Yes. Just hearing you talk and feeling your eyes on me was enough to completely fucking wreck me.” Spencer didn’t seem to expect that answer, looking shocked and delighted, smiling as he pulled you in for a small kiss, chaste in comparison to the previous. “Mmm, well you’re going to have to be patient for me. As much as I want to fuck you right here, I don’t need anyone seeing you. Let’s get out of here.”

The drive was challenging, but quick. You were both grateful and frustrated that he didn’t try to tease you on the way. At least not much. His hand rested on your thigh through the ride, but he didn’t dare to move it. When you finally walked through the door of his apartment, he led you quickly to the bedroom. He had no interest in taking his time. His lips moved against yours with a desperation that made the room spin. You weren’t sure how you would survive him fucking you when his simplest touches overwhelmed you, but you were eager to find out. Too eager, you began grinding on his bulge, moaning into his mouth as your fingers fumbled on the buttons of his shirt. “So impatient, aren’t you?” Spencer asked. “I just want you so bad, Spence.” you begged. You felt pathetic, but you didn’t care. “Good girls know how to wait for what they want. Don’t you want to be a good girl for me?” his voice was deeper than it had been all night, and it edged you even further “Yes. Yes. But please, please don’t tease me.” Your voice shook with emotion and arousal. His teasing was hot, but you needed him now. “We just walked in the door and you’re already begging for me? Either you’re a little slut or I must be really special.” he muttered against your lips. “You are. I’m desperate for you. Only for you.” He had been frustratingly quiet so far, but he moaned at your words now. Spencer shoved you against the bed and moved to hover over you, one hand beside you holding him up while the other made it’s way to where you needed him most. “You are so fucking wet for me. So responsive.” he kissed down your stomach, and you arched your back, moaning so loud you should have been worried about the neighbors, but you weren’t. Your brain was completely empty - all you could do was feel him. With his head nestled between your legs, he kissed your inner thighs, sucking hard enough to leave a mark. You guessed he only wanted to mark you in places he alone could see. You hoped he knew he already owned your body - you were his already. You were already ruined and he wasn’t even fully undressed. “Such a good girl for me, y/n.” he breathed against you, before diving in. His mouth was too perfect, alternating between long laps and short flicks against your clit. After only a few minutes, you were already close, but it seemed so wasteful to finish on his tongue before even seeing the rest of him. You locked your fingers in his hair, pulling him off you “You don’t want me to continue?” he asked, insecure but somehow still dominant. “I want to cum on your cock, baby.” His hazel eyes grew wide at your words. “Please fuck me, Spencer. I need you.” You thought he would mock you for being so desperate, for begging, for needing him, but he seemed to return your need.

With shaking hands, he unbuckled his belt, and you moved quickly to pull down his boxers. His dick was so pretty, flushed and ready for you. You started to pump him in your hands, but he quickly stopped him. “Not right now baby. I need to feel your pussy.” he was panting already. “Need to be inside you.” You laid on your back, as he moved over you. “Do I need a... “ he started, but you interrupted him, “I have an IUD, you’re good.” He looked relieved. He started kissing you again, but you made it difficult, gasping into his mouth as he moved his member up and down your folds. He pulled away from your mouth, looking at you for approval. “Fucking please.” He pushed into you immediately, slowly but all at once, pausing only when he had completely filled you. Again, he wasn’t as quiet as you might have originally expected, moaning loudly as he buried himself deep inside. He started moving, and quickly built to a rapid pace. Neither of you could be quiet, your moans filling the air as you tried and failed to call out his name. “Y/n,” he somehow groaned and whined at the same time, “you’re so fucking tight.” You couldn’t respond, too focused on the knot forming beneath him, trying to put off your release so that you could feel him just a little longer.

“Spencer,” you managed, “you feel so good.” he groaned at your cry. He was even more vocal in response to your words than to your body, so you found your voice despite feeling completely inundated with pleasure. “You’re so good. I’m gonna be ruined for anyone else. No one else is this good,” you sung his praises, and it affected him exactly as you had hoped. His thrusts grew less controlled, slowing down somewhat as he said “Good. You’re mine. I - I want you to be mine.” His words nearly pushed you over the edge, but you wanted him to be ready first. “Fuck, I’m gonna - ah” you screamed, “I need you to cum with me baby, please please please” your cries were interrupted by your own orgasm, your muscles spasming around him as he came deep inside you. He relaxed on top of you, and stayed there for a while before finally pulling out. You weren’t ready to part from him yet, but fortunately he quickly returned with a t-shirt, and after cleaning up your collective mess pulled you into his arms, spooning you and placing gentle kisses on your face. Again, you weren’t sure what you had expected - it made sense that after being so desperate for your touch he would want to hold you after. But you remained surprise. Being this close to him felt like a miracle. Rather than questioning it, you settled into the comfort of being close to him, appreciating his arms around you.

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feelingbluepolitics · 4 years ago

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/09/23/robert-kagan-constitutional-crisis/

Much of this article is trash, written by a mewling conservative trying to distinguish Republicon policies and Republicon ideology as beyond and separate from "trump precursors" for "the last 30 years." Try 60 years, or more. Go all the way back to them with their fury and screams over Social Security as an evil Communist plot.

Kagan is a Never-trumper attempting to sound reasonable despite being a mental conservative, who thinks -- much like poor, beleaguered Joe Manchin -- that Democrats "need to let good Republicons" help them save the country.

He's one of those types of fools who, when he speaks of officials with integrity, is alluding to Mr. Anti-vote Raffensperger, who is to voting like so many white male Republicons are to immigration -- none too happy about illegal or legal. His hero Raffensperger is also one of the leading architects of the Republicon rash of Jim Crow 2.0 laws which Kagan points to as a prime symptom of Nazi-type fascism threatening American right now...but logical consistency fares extremely poorly on the Right.

However, there are some useful points in this article. The criticism leveled toward the Right by a [pre-trump] insider is one. And the insistent urgency of our nation's crisis is another.

"The United States is heading into its greatest political and constitutional crisis since the Civil War, with a reasonable chance over the next three to four years of incidents of mass violence, a breakdown of federal authority, and the division of the country into warring red and blue enclaves. The warning signs may be obscured by the distractions of politics, the pandemic, the economy and global crises, and by wishful thinking and denial. But about these things there should be no doubt:

"First, [t]rump will be the Republican candidate for president in 2024. The hope and expectation that he would fade in visibility and influence have been delusional. He enjoys mammoth leads in the polls; he is building a massive campaign war chest; and at this moment the Democratic ticket looks vulnerable. Barring health problems, he is running. [Or legal problems. Or even better, in order to be a bit safer, both].

"Second, [t]rump and his Republican allies are actively preparing to ensure his victory by whatever means necessary. [t]rump’s charges of fraud in the 2020 election are now primarily aimed at establishing the predicate to challenge future election results that do not go his way. Some Republican candidates have already begun preparing to declare fraud in 2022, just as Larry Elder tried meekly to do in the California recall contest.

"Meanwhile, the amateurish 'stop the steal' efforts of 2020 have given way to an organized nationwide campaign to ensure that [t]rump and his supporters will have the control over state and local election officials that they lacked in 2020. Those recalcitrant Republican state officials who effectively saved the country from calamity by refusing to falsely declare fraud or to 'find' more votes for [t]rump are being systematically removed or hounded from office. Republican legislatures are giving themselves greater control over the election certification process. As of this spring, Republicans have proposed or passed measures in at least 16 states that would shift certain election authorities from the purview of the governor, secretary of state or other executive-branch officers to the legislature. An Arizona bill flatly states that the legislature may 'revoke the secretary of state’s issuance or certification of a presidential elector’s certificate of election' by a simple majority vote. Some state legislatures seek to impose criminal penalties on local election officials alleged to have committed 'technical infractions,' including obstructing the view of poll watchers.

"The stage is thus being set for chaos.

..."Most Americans — and all but a handful of politicians — have refused to take this possibility seriously enough to try to prevent it. As has so often been the case in other countries where fascist leaders arise, their would-be opponents are paralyzed in confusion and amazement at this charismatic authoritarian. They have followed the standard model of appeasement, which always begins with underestimation. The political and intellectual establishments in both parties have been underestimating [t]rump since he emerged on the scene in 2015. They underestimated the extent of his popularity and the strength of his hold on his followers; they underestimated his ability to take control of the Republican Party; and then they underestimated how far he was willing to go to retain power. The fact that he failed to overturn the 2020 election has reassured many that the American system remains secure, though it easily could have gone the other way — if Biden had not been safely ahead in all four states where the vote was close; if [t]rump had been more competent and more in control of the decision-makers in his administration, Congress and the states. As it was, [t]rump came close to bringing off a coup earlier this year...

..."Where does the Republican Party stand in all this? The party gave birth to and nurtured this movement; it bears full responsibility for establishing the conditions in which [t]rump could capture the loyalty of 90 percent of Republican voters. Republican leaders were more than happy to ride [t]rump’s coattails if it meant getting paid off with hundreds of conservative court appointments, including three Supreme Court justices; tax cuts; immigration restrictions; and deep reductions in regulations on business.

..."From the uneasy and sometimes contentious partnership during [t]rump’s four years in office, the party’s main if not sole purpose today is as the willing enabler of [t]rump’s efforts to game the electoral system to ensure his return to power.

..."With the party firmly under his thumb, [t]rump is now fighting the Biden administration on separate fronts. One is normal, legitimate political competition, where Republicans criticize Biden’s policies, feed and fight the culture wars, and in general behave like a typical hostile opposition.

"The other front is outside the bounds of constitutional and democratic competition and into the realm of illegal or extralegal efforts to undermine the electoral process. The two are intimately related, because the Republican Party has used its institutional power in the political sphere to shield [t]rump and his followers from the consequences of their illegal and extralegal activities in the lead-up to Jan. 6. Thus, Reps. Kevin McCarthy and Elise Stefanik, in their roles as party leaders, run interference for the [t]rump movement in the sphere of legitimate politics, while Republicans in lesser positions cheer on the Jan. 6 perpetrators, turning them into martyrs and heroes, and encouraging illegal acts in the future.

..."Even [t]rump opponents play along. Republicans such as Sens. Mitt Romney and Ben Sasse have condemned the events of Jan. 6, criticized [t]rump and even voted for his impeachment, but in other respects they continue to act as good Republicans and conservatives. On issues such as the filibuster, Romney and others insist on preserving 'regular order' and conducting political and legislative business as usual, even though they know that [t]rump’s lieutenants in their party are working to subvert the next presidential election.

"The result is that even these anti-[t]rump Republicans are enabling the insurrection. Revolutionary movements usually operate outside a society’s power structures. But the [t]rump movement also enjoys unprecedented influence within those structures. It dominates the coverage on several cable news networks, numerous conservative magazines, hundreds of talk radio stations and all kinds of online platforms. It has access to financing from rich individuals and the Republican National Committee’s donor pool. And, not least, it controls one of the country’s two national parties...

"The world will look very different in 14 months if, as seems likely, the Republican zombie party wins control of the House. At that point, with the political winds clearly blowing in his favor, [t]rump is all but certain to announce his candidacy, and social media constraints on his speech are likely to be lifted, since Facebook and Twitter would have a hard time justifying censoring his campaign. With his megaphone back, [t]rump would once again dominate news coverage, as outlets prove unable to resist covering him around the clock if only for financial reasons.

"But this time, [t]rump would have advantages that he lacked in 2016 and 2020, including more loyal officials in state and local governments; the Republicans in Congress; and the backing of GOP donors, think tanks and journals of opinion. And he will have the [t]rump movement, including many who are armed and ready to be activated, again. Who is going to stop him then?

..."[Republicons] have refused to work with Democrats to pass legislation limiting state legislatures’ ability to overturn the results of future elections, to ensure that the federal government continues to have some say when states try to limit voting rights, to provide federal protection to state and local election workers who face threats, and in general to make clear to the nation that a bipartisan majority in the Senate opposes the subversion of the popular will. Why?

[They, just like trump, want and intend to be in power at all costs.

..."We are already in a constitutional crisis. The destruction of democracy might not come until November 2024, but critical steps in that direction are happening now. In a little more than a year, it may become impossible to pass legislation to protect the electoral process in 2024. Now it is impossible only because anti-[t]rump Republicans, and even some Democrats, refuse to tinker with the filibuster. It is impossible because, despite all that has happened, some people still wish to be good Republicans [sic] even as they oppose [t]rump. These decisions will not wear well as the nation tumbles into full-blown crisis."

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 5 years ago

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📰 Mon 13 April 😴

Rumors continue to fly about reunion speculation, fed by cynical radio stations tweeting garbage with authority. Page Six adds to this by publishing an article reporting all the same hysterical blown up hearsay as fact. Actual things of potential interest: Liam a few months ago said something about the possibility of a documentary for the reunion and recently said the band were in touch and working on something. The article randomly mentions that they're still close to Ben Winston (I KNOW... sighhhhh), the combination makes some sort of documentary type content seem even more likely. The article says that a 'source close to management' says "There’s still a long way to go and a lot of hurdles. Obviously, at the moment anything they do would have to be done virtually. But there’s a lot of good will between them now and they want to make something happen." Things that are still untrue no matter how many times people repeat it, even in print: the One Direction website has not been "reactivated" it was never inactive, the One Direction twitter lists are in no way new, and no one refollowed anyone's accounts because they never unfollowed, this stuff all gets said every few months and in fact I'm just gonna get out there ahead of you since this one is constantly coming back around: the tour tab on Zayn's site was already there, it isn't new. Even that crappy article says right out that "a tour is ruled out" as if they had some special knowledge and not just the basic news-following skills necessary to understand that, painful as it is to acknowledge, no one is going to be touring this summer.

Liam's Killing It interview (it's a podcast about mental health and the music industry) is out and it is, as you could probably guess, A LOT. As always, if you're someone who wants to try to understand what things were like for them in the band, you want to listen to Liam's interviews! Anyway he says the biggest challenge for them in the band was the extreme physical exhaustion they suffered at almost all times and how it made it impossible to think clearly about anything, comments on how fucked up it is that that was happening while their brains were still developing, says that by the end he was drunk "probably 90% of the time." He talks about having the tendency to try to please others rather than figure out what he wanted and that working out was what he found that he felt like was for himself, and about "giving [himself] the gift of trusting [his] own instincts" but also says, "if you are your own soundboard, you're going to disagree with whatever you say anyway because that's how it works." He says he's learned to make his end goal happiness rather than achievements, which I love for him. While I'm sure it's a work in progress it's a great goal. He also talks about Zayn for a good few minutes towards the end, about his performance related anxiety and how he's just recording music now.

Niall agonized over choosing just one song for today's challenge, 'a song from the seventies', played a bit of his choice (Thin Lizzy) on guitar for us, played a bit of I'm On Fire (the sultry Niall content continues) and shared a recipe and its finished product. Well. He didn't actually share his lamb burgers with us but pictures of them! Actually a lot of food pics today, including his exactly three (3) asparagus spears ("legends!") and he said he'd explain the Heartbreak Weather storyline on his next live which would be very good content if true! The Late Late Show dropped a video bit of him playing golf around the office and set of which the best part is him referencing Happy Gilmore, I'm honestly astonished he doesn't constantly quote that movie.

Twitter had a "1D Online Concert" at home streaming party and trended the tags all day.

#Liam Payne #Niall Horan #me clawing my way up out of my isolation pit to yell about things not being true #shaking my hairy paw YOU TWITTER KIDS!#then slumping back into my beast cave to growl at passerby #twitter settings change and make things 'reactivate' all the time it isn't a thing #do you really think they'd prepare for the reunion by.... reactivating a Twitter list made for one d day in 2014 and never used???? come on #or maybe it was used idk but point stands #Niall #Liam #one direction #!#i have maybe never used that tag?? that's quite weird actually #ben winston #uggghhhh #killing it podcast #late late show #13 apr 20 #Liam also said success is scarier than failure sometimes which i feel like i have so many thoughts about but like #not for the post #but i feel like it's something he needs to understand better... maybe he is really detaching himself from reaching for the kinds of success #that don't actually make his life better though. I'd like that for him #tw alcohol

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1275

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We open all our presents the night of Christmas Eve to begin with; but no, they don’t tease by letting us open a few of them before our usual schedule.

If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? If I could change blouses to shirts, then I would go with that because I’ve recently gotten into t-shirts and sweatshirts and no longer the trendy and preppy tops I used to like haha. But if not, I would go for shoes.

What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It varies as it depends on how much I cried. The harder I cried the more I’d want to sleep it off, because it can actually get pretty exhausting. Sometimes I’ll reach out, sometimes I write. It’s really different every time, but at the end I’m just glad I can no longer even remember the last time I cried out of sadness.

Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Well we know the answer to this. It’s satisfying to notice him disappear off the face of the Earth immediately after his term, though. I don’t have a clue what he’s up to now.

Last time you felt suicidal? For some reason I felt down last Thursday and I felt the slightest, slightest tinge of suicidal thoughts. No idea where it came from.

Last time you had butterflies? Ugh idk but it was probably BTS-related hahahahahahah

Biggest asshole you know? Certain politicians.

Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No, I was on the opposite side of the coin for this one. I was broken up with because they believed they would hurt me, if not already doing so.

What song did you last listen to? Hip Hop Phile by BTS.

Ever ridden in a police car? Nopes.

Ever witnessed a murder? Hmm, not that I can recall. I do remember having to monitor crime stories for one of my very first journalism assignments and the one time I didn’t tag along to the fieldwork with my classmates, they got to witness a stabbing incident :/ By itself of course it always sucks to have violent situations like those, but as a reporter it would’ve been interesting to see the scene and its aftermath.

Have you ever lied under oath? I don’t think so, no. I can’t even remember the last time I was put under oath.

Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve failed exams but never an entire class.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Well yeah, I dated one.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure.

Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? I’ve never experienced trying to buy tickets only to find out they’re all sold out, but that’s also probably because we have hundreds of malls in Manila alone and you can always find a theatre that are still offering tickets.

What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? I’m not usually that way with horror movies, but I do remember running into a jumpscare on TikTok while I was scrolling at 3 AM. Not fun.

When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? Touchpad. I never use a mouse.

What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Agnes.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? I’m not interested in anyone so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you ever been tempted to steal? Sure, but the urge is never so strong.

What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? I’m not reading anything.

Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? Nah. I did have a Ben&Ben phase, though I haven’t revisited their music in a long time.

Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? I’m not sure about completely naked, probably still my ex. As for partially naked, my dad sometimes goes shirtless at home as most Filipino dads do lol.

Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? The most iconic for me would be that porcupine looking ass from Resident Evil 4, I believe it was meant to be for one of the boss stages or something. Anyway, it’s memorable for me just because that fucker had been impossible to defeat and I loved watching my older cousin do attempt after attempt. I don’t think he ever got to beat him and by the time he did us cousins were already adults, lol.

On a side note, we called him ‘Porcupine’ as kids since a shitload of spikes would stick out of him unpredictably during the boss stage, and I thought that nickname had been just our thing; but I’m actually surprised that that villain actually comes up when you do a simple ‘Resident Evil 4 porcupine’ search haha. I guess other people called him the same thing too.

What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? I usually put on a playlist of BTS’ rapline; I tend to enjoy high-energy songs while driving.

Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I don’t see why I wouldn’t when it comes to the dog. I don’t want a cat or rat.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? G.

What did you and your ex fight about most? It was about the deeper, more profound stuff. We never saw eye to eye about the future, if we were helping the other grow, etc. Someone was always scared or insecure about something that the other could never help with fixing.

Don’t you love long hugs? Sure, I love getting hugs as long as I’m comfy around the one giving it.

And long kisses? Mhm, they’re nice.

Have you ever purchased condoms? Only for Angela when she had still been too shy to ask for it herself.

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. We had gone out of town for daytrips, but never for a fully-decked out vacation.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? I wouldn’t do anything that loud. My resentment’s a lot more reserved and subtle, definitely on the passive-aggressive side.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? If I left like a paint scratch, no. If I was somehow stupid enough to manage wrecking the car then yes.

Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Oh that’s just gross. No. I do remember unknowingly parking over a spot meant for the handicapped once just because the paint was so fucking faded. It was genuinely so hard to tell but in the end I ended up just getting out of the spot and looked for another just to be on the safe, unassholey side.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? Not at all! I love telling people I work in PR and sharing the brands I work with...it’s just a bitch trying to explain what exactly it is I do on a normal day. I’m still blanking out on it now that I’m thinking about it, haha. PR’s a challenge to summarize in one or two sentences.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with it. Ideally I would pull over and help bring it to the side of the road, and try to ask for help from passersby as well. I’m still not sure what I should/would do next.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? French, Spanish, and Italian restaurants always seem to carry a pleasant, date-y atmosphere to them, so any of those cuisines should be ok. I also like quieter restaurants with warm yellow lighting, since that makes me feel at home the most. The place definitely doesn't have to be super popular; I would just want for it to serve good food.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Flying planes.

What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? Probably something that’s booked with thrill-seeking adventures? Like a day of wakeboarding, paragliding, skydiving, riding an ATV...I would be exhausted as fuck and sleep for the next three days, but I can’t even begin to imagine how fun it would be.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. < Yeah, essentially. My friends ask me for general life advice too.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yeah. But I always defended her.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I mean I’ve written long letters, but I haven’t made a poem or song for anyone.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? These days it would probably be Arlan. He just finished his Masters in Journalism at Columbia and I couldn’t be more proud. I remember wanting to attend Columbia too, but seeing how my love of journalism turned out...I’ve long accepted the fact that that route was not meant for me, hahaha.

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Finish a painting, which can also serve as a callout to me lol.

What would you rate 10/10? Seafood.

What do you hope never changes? My relationships with my best friends.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? No, I barely have a clue who she is and she seemed decades older when she called me up this morning.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? I’m good.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now?

Are you happy with your relationship status? Yessssssss. I love not having to worry about another person to spend on LOL

When did you last cry? What for? Two Saturdays ago. The one-year mark of my breakup had been coming up and an overwhelming wave of emotions just flooded me all of a sudden, I guess. There was happiness and relief from not being stuck in it anymore; feeling sorry for myself as I remembered the turmoil and deterioration I went through in the latter part the year; anger for the shit she pulled; and there was also just the general feeling of being grateful that I’m still here after everything.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love?

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? No clue. I’m not holding my breath for it and that’s okay.

Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? Yeah, unfortunately I’ve always been surrounded by at least one person who terrifies me.

What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? Nothing more than a day. That’s something I have yet to try out.

Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? Athenna was relentless in her insults. I dunno why I was friends her for as long as I was.

Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? If they’re some random person on the internet with disgusting political views, then yeah; but it’s just thoughts I keep in my head and I never verbalized the bullying. But not anyone in real life. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” If I’m friends with the person I’ll banter with them for a bit until I give in for a hug. If it was any other guy I barely know...I would be disgusted and throw them the dirtiest glare.

Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. < LOL same. Anyway no, not these days. I used to but they’re not really a part of my personal style anymore.

Who are you the most uncomfortable around? Relatives with the wrong political views.

Who has your heart? Nobody.

Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I don’t see the point. No.

Are you impatient with really shy people? If it gets to the point that they seem aloof and radiate very I-could-not-care-less-about-getting-along-with-any-of-you vibes, then yeah I feel like I would get irritated pretty fast. But I was an extremely shy person once too, so I’m typically friendly with them and I would usually be That person who constantly stays next to them so they feel like they belong.

Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? It sits in the window, as with most households here.

What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? I haven’t encountered anything wacky recently.

Would you ever get a fashion mullet? No.

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? No.

Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No.

Do you believe in callings? Not really, no.

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? Hell no. I get extremely sheepish in front of a camera and a thousand times worse at posing.

#survey #surveys

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lookwhatilost · 4 years ago

Video

youtube

I’m going to use this video as something of a case study to prove my point. Some things that are necessary to point about Ben Shapiro: he is an intelligent person, he speaks quickly, and he makes good quips. This makes him very good for the YouTube video “LiBtArD wReCkEd” compilations. He’s also very dishonest and he tends to misrepresent statistics. This is, of course, because Ben is a fascist and fascists don’t care if they’re telling the truth.

So, this is a thirteen minute video, and barely a fraction of what this student is laying out is going to get covered. The reason why Ben is letting him talk as much as he does in the beginning instead of interrupting him the moment he started explaining what socialism is is because he’s looking for something to quote back at him. Usually he’ll let his “debate” opponent talk until he finds something to do this with, and hit them hard on the point he stops them on.

Next we have this “workers or the government” thing Ben comes back at him with: he clearly said “workers owning the means of production”. He even said it twice, I believe, and Ben pretty much says “I know you’re talking about that, but if you said THE GOVERNMENT owning the means of production, that would be very ineffective” and then he rattles off on that. Even though this student never said anything about redistribution – he deliberately stepped away from that point at the very beginning. He acknowledged the fact that Ben will often talk about redistribution without actually engaging with the core points of socialism and, once more, he never said anything about government control and he never said anything about lack of free market enterprise. Socialism and free market enterprise aren’t in any way disparate. Market socialism is a thing.

Hypothetically, what you’d have to do here is let him talk on, and when he’s done, say “That was great and all, Ben, but I pretty clearly said worker owned means of production. Would you mind answering the actual question.” You can’t treat people like this in good faith. Ben knows exactly what he’s doing here with his talking points. No one brought up the Scandinavian countries. No one brought up government owned means of production. Nobody brought up free market enterprise. Nobody brought up being paid $100,000 to dig holes in the ground. No one brought up redistribution policies – unless you count the kid bringing it up to clarify that this wasn’t what he was talking about.

He then brings up that he’s an owner. Ben is smart enough to understand the basic principles of socialism, but he recognizes he isn’t capable of addressing any substantive criticism, so he’s deliberately pretending to misunderstand what this kid is saying. “Freely choose to alienate your labor” as if you have any choice in society these days. That’s like saying you freely choose to shit inside of a toilet. You don’t have many other options in regards to that. You can if you want to, but eventually, you’re going to get in trouble with it. Again, this is a deliberate misinterpretation. The workers owning the means of production gets brought up, and he spends the first two minutes of his response saying “if you meant the government owning it, that’s disastrous, and by the way, Norway is actually capitalist, and socialists won’t tell you this, but they actually have free market enterprise. And I’m a worker, so workers do actually own the means of production. Isn’t Bill Gates a worker?” Aren’t the tens of thousands of people under Bill Gates also workers? We’re talking about all workers, not just the one worker who also happens to own the company.

Him crafting rebuttals that actually take into consideration the tenants of socialism would, at least on some level, give the socialist credence to argue in a reality based sense. If a reactionary defends their belief system by attacking socialism in ways that are actually salient, you’ve set the socialist up to debate in a fact based argument, and that’s not what reactionaries dominate. Reactionaries dominate in a purview of recited dialogue trees, of snooty quips, and emotionally based arguments. This is where they thrive. They do not want to bring the argument into a reality based discussion.

In three minutes, he’s introduced so many stupid misconceptions that the student is going to spend more time arguing against the misconception than he will putting forth his own argument. He could spend a literal hour trying to correct the dumb, deliberate straw men that Ben Shapiro has thrown out here and never will he get a chance to substantively put forth any real advocacy for socialism.

To counter his “criticism” on labor theory of value: what if you spend a lot of time and money digging up diamonds from the ground? There are plenty of diamonds that get dug up that have absolutely no mechanical or industrial purpose. He’s saying “labor theory of value is dumb and bad because the market theory of value is what’s correct” without presenting any sort of argument to support that. Neither of these are holistic theories, both of them have valid places in society as lenses of interpretation, but this is not a substantive criticism. It is, in fact, very stupid.

It also helps that he has all the social capital in this situation. You never, ever want to challenge a reactionary when they have the podium and you don’t, and while they have the audience and you don’t. If they are even slightly intelligent, it is literally impossible for them to lose in the eye of their audience.

When the student brings up Mondragon: this is what reactionaries do. They define capitalism as freedom. Capitalism is when the owners of capital own the means of production and socialism is when the workers own the means of production. Not that we should take much that economic theorists say for granted on the account of most of them being cheerleaders for capitalism, but there are plenty of things that Ben laid forth that many economic theorists would disagree with. For one, he’s laid out the assertion that free markets are somehow absolute to capitalism and antithetical so socialism, that worker owned communes are an example of capitalism, and the degree to which government intervention is present in an economy is deterministic to whether or not it is socialism. Reactionaries operate in a delusory, fantastical land where the characteristics of capitalism are amorphous and capable of being shifted to suit one argument to another. In one instance, capitalism is the liberator of the working class, the distributor of technology, and in another instance, the very real consequences of capitalism are instead a product of corporatism, of government intervention, of “globalist” policy. Not true capitalism, mind, just other things.

And hey, guys, I’ve read the Communist Manifesto. Does anyone remember any segments in there where Karl Marx claimed the government needed to cram down and force people to participate in guild markets? Does anyone remember that part? I don’t.

Anyway, this is why you don’t argue with reactionaries when they have the podium and you don’t. The student got a bunch of time to speak where he laid out a very calm point, Ben got a bunch of time to speak where he then said a bunch of shit that had nothing to do with the kids argument to mislead the audience, and then deliberately interpreted what the kid was saying to present a straw man that the kid would have to correct. Now Ben has got the student in a position where he’s basically saying “I don’t disagree with anything, you’re basically saying capitalism. Worker owned means of production? That just means the people who own it also work at it, right? If Republicans did that, would you vote for them?” The kid is never going to be able to correct all this, not in a million years, and now when he speaks up, Ben is going to keep hammering this in, deliberately interrupting the kid and forcing him to answer misleading questions.

This is how you win a Ben Shapiro debate. This is how you “own libtards”. You get the mic, deliberately misinterpret what they say, you throw straw men at them and force them to defend or respond to that, both of which are impossible, and then, just to keep them off base, you continue to interrupt them when they respond to your point. It’s a very, very simple formula to follow if you are intellectually dishonest and a complete fucking asshole.

But yeah, the free market is not exclusively capitalist. For one, the free market does not have prescriptions. The free market is not a physical entity, it’s a concept that some people aspire to, unfettered trade. And free market socialism is a thing, yet again.

At around the 8 minute mark of this video, the student makes a bit of a mistake because he’s not really harping in on the public vs private ownership of the means of production, but Ben Shapiro’s line there is completely irrelevant: “So companies shouldn’t be able to have investors?” This is a tangential question. This would be like him talking about socialized ownership, and Ben leans into the microphone and asks “well, who’s the CEO then, dummy?” This is to say, it’s tangentially related, but it has nothing to do with the thrust of the argument.

His counter to the pencil factory example is pathetic. No one mentioned doctors. No one mentioned everyone in society getting paid the same amount. This has nothing to do with doctors and pencil factory workers, this has to do with pencil factory workers and pencil factory owners. He thinks this is a “gotcha” but it literally has nothing to do with the argument the kid is making.

It is so, so difficult to maintain your composure when you are around a hostile audience. At least if you were on stage, you would have the positional authority over them. You’d be in a place where, at least physically, you are given credence by the architecture of the room – standing atop something, having the lights on you, being behind the podium, having unfettered control over the mic. These things can lend you a lot of confidence. But if you’re just standing there and someone else is holding your microphone, and the audience claps whenever Ben Shapiro says something… Ugh.

But it comes as no surprise that Ben sees capital and labor as one and the same, because he’s a fucking capitalist and he’s a piece of shit. To him, people and money are just interchangeable cogs in a larger machine that he benefits from, and that is how most capital owners see them. After all, labor is a resource, and capital is a resource, and that’s all you look at them as – resources – there isn’t much of a difference between the two. Now, of course, you’ve got a few more ~libcucky~ takes on it, like how humans are human beings, and we have rights, and should be entitled to happiness and respect, but that doesn’t really factor into that sort of economic, capitalist worldview.

To summarize, this juxtaposition, “you’re a socialist, I’m a free marketer. You’re talking about things that are voluntary, which means they can’t be socialist, because socialism is authoritarianism”, this is the dichotomy that he’s been trying to reenforce this entire conversation. I don’t know how deliberately he’s doing this, but it’s very effective. In the mind of every audience member right now, what Ben is doing right here is destroying this “libtard” right now by saying “Heh, idiot. You think that’s socialism? How can that be socialism if there’s freedom involved?' and that’s basically what he’s going for here. But when the kid gets flustered and struggles to make a coherent point in the face of all this, Ben can just shit on him. And then the people who edit this shit put in airhorns and laugh tracks so the smooth brained dipshits watching this unironically know when to clap and bark like seals at the libcuck getting owned. It’s pathetic and it’s not a real argument. Fin.

#shit i do while waiting for my boyfriend to wake up or something

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darth-schism · 4 years ago

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Proposed Timeline for Sequel Repair

(Disclaimer: Obviously the plot of each of the following shows should be their own. But they should also take the time to fill in the gaps, plot holes, and basically screw ups the sequels caused. Again, if we can’t have a pocket timeline, we should at least get appropriate plot repair/retcon).

(And yes, there will be overlap between this and other post. But this blog is where I dump all my mental Star Wars related ramblings, so whatcha gonna do)? : P

*10 ABY: Mandalorian S3.

- We learn Moff Gideon is one of the few inside men on Palpatine’s resurrection plan. We get details on how the Emperor used his own DNA, force abilities, etc to make the perfect new vessel. The series ends with Din visiting Grogu at Luke’s temple, and Snoke’s “birth” on Exegol.

- There is overlap between Snoke’s mind and Palpatine’s. More accurately, Snoke is his own person, but has much of Palpatine’s feelings/memories. The sith cult/inside men are uncertain if it is their Emperor in a different body, a clone, or an entirely new person. To ensure the success of the plan, the cult puts off putting Snoke on the throne right away, and instead retains him for evaluation. Snoke though, despite being a mental mess, gives the order to kidnap as many infants as possible, to ensure an “entirely pure” army of new stormtroopers.

*15 ABY: Ahsoka Series.

- Ahsoka faces off against Thrawn, as he works to fully organize and restore the Empire. At the series close, Snoke appears from Exegol, and initiates his hostile take over of the Empire. He rebrands it under the banner of the First Order.

- It is revealed that Snoke showed a high interest in “returning his master to life,” which caused the cult to concluded that he was not the Emperor, and that they would have to try again. They are uncertain as to how though, in light of Snoke being a “failure.” But Snoke then adds his DNA, and significant power, to the resurrection project. Through his efforts, he made the phantom clone of the Emperor that we see in ROS. (Maybe we could even get a Kamino throwback with Bobba, since he tends to lend the Empire and hand here and there for the right price anyway). Either way, the newly awakened Palpatine realizes his reformation will be too slow, and gives Snoke the order to rule over the Empire in his place, while he instructs him from the shadows. He makes it very clear that Snoke is “merely his puppet that he made to speak through.” He also orders his agent to “deal with his wayward lineage” (Aka, Rey’s parents).

* 25 ABY: Book of Bobba series.

- By now Palpatine and Snoke have collectively used their voices to lure Ben Solo to the darkside, and Luke’s temple is left in ruin. Din Jarin makes an appearance, as he wants Grogu found. He and Bobba are confronted by Luke, who simply tells them that, for Grogu’s sake, they must cease their search. However, he eventually relents, and takes only Din to see his son like figure. Luke explains that he and his students must move in utmost secrecy, as Snoke’s ability to reach across the galaxy and connect his mind to others is uncanny.

- We get a flashback of Luke confronting Snoke immediately after the destruction of his temple in an effort to get Ben back. There’s a cool fight, in which Snoke is badly injured, but ultimately Luke is forced to retreat without Ben. Snoke reins destruction down on every place he thinks Luke his hiding, which brings Luke to the conclusion that he must not only go into hiding, but also give reason for Snoke chase him, without feeling a need to blow innocent people up in mass. Thus the map to Luke Skywalker, and his isolation began.

- As a bonus, it would be cool if Han, Luke, and Bobba became an unlikely team to address the threat of a common enemy. Personally I like the idea of evil Mace Windu. But we’ll see.

- Han and Lando also meet up at some point, and talk about how both of them lost a child to Snoke, with Ben having been turned, and Lando’s daughter having been kidnapped.

- The series ends with Palpatine talking to Snoke on Exegol again. He tells him that he realizes he has a granddaughter, one who wasn’t a “disappointment like her father.” He explains to Snoke they can use her to fully resurrect him via a sith ritual (as his current form is still blind and corpse like). He also instructs Snoke to bring him Ben, as he is “ready to see his new apprentice.” However, Snoke realizes that even though he and the Emperor speak through each other, and have their thoughts overlap, that he is still far more than just a puppet. So he reminds Palpatine not only of the rule of two, but also that for as much as Palpatine made him, he also made Palpatine. And while Palpatine’s growth was slow, his was complete. And now that he had an apprentice, he didn’t need him. So Snoke, despite Palpatin’s protests and claim to authority over him, disables Palpatine’s reformation process, which traps him as the near talking corpse we see in ROS. He tells him that he won’t kill him if he continues to oversee the operations of Exegol, and doesn’t try anything funny. He then leaves, to take complete and total control of the First Order.

* 30 ABY: Rangers of the New Republic.

- Snoke is in full swing with his attempt to take over the galaxy. However, his efforts are scattered and constantly distracted by his obsession to find and kill Skywalker. Ever since their fight which left Snoke physically and emotionally vulnerable (not that he’d ever admit it) Snoke’s mind was bent on revenge. He was certain the mere existence of Skywalker would see everything he had worked for to be undone. We get some scenes (both current and flashbacks) of just how cruel the Supreme Leader was/is to his apprentice (Just to make his death in TLJ not only surprising, but feel like a good pay off). Snoke’s obsession with finding the map to Skywalker, draws attention to its existence for the show’s heroes. They find it and, with R2D2′s help, and arrive on Luke’s island.

- As I described in another post, Luke puts on an act to try and make them leave and think nothing of him being there. And although much of this is because of Luke’s emotional suffering, it is also an evaluation. Through it, the Jedi Master quickly realizes that the ranger’s aren’t asking for him to be a public symbol of hope (as he can no longer do that for the above mentioned reasons) but someone who can accomplish a critical mission that would be impossible for anyone else. Luke explains a little bit more as to why he was isolated, why he had to be so careful, and why he won’t be trying to make a Jedi order anytime soon. But at the end of the day, he states that he would never actually abandon the galaxy to Snoke, and that this wasn’t the first time he’s snuck off to handle matters like this. And so we get another fun mission episode with Luke. During the mission, Luke recovers a file on a stormtrooper (who we see to be Jannah). He makes mention that Lando never gave up going to “all kinds of strange places in the galaxy” to find his lost daughter. Sensing through the force that this trooper might be the one, he takes the information.

- At the end of the mission, Luke mindwipes the rangers’ memories of finding and working with him, and sends the file information about Jannah to Lando, and the map fragment out once again to distract Snoke, and guide the right people to him. Luke returns to the island. We see that the strain of having to turn on his force abilities for a mission, only to turn them off again right away to prevent Snoke from finding him, causes serious toll on his body.

- We get a scene where Snoke asks if the agent who had killed the Emperor’s son had ever been found. To which no is the answer. Snoke is agitated, but ultimately dismissive of this, and simply assures those around him that if he ever encountered the one he believed to be the Emperor’s granddaughter, he would see to it that she died. This would ensure that the phantom clone of Palpatine could never rise high enough to challenge his position as Supreme Leader.

(I’m sure I’ll think of more to add to this. But these are the big ones for now: Establish First Order --> Make Snoke an actual character --> Establish the phantom Emperor --> Show that Luke hadn’t actually given up --> Solidify Rey’s lineage --> Make Lando not come off as a creeper).

#star wars #lando calrissian #jannah #luke skywalker #kylo ren #ben solo #book of boba fett #rangers of the new republic #ahsoka series #the mandalorian #the mandalorian season 3 #snoke #supreme leader snoke

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itsuhtrap42 · 4 years ago

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The Last Jedi and Nonviolence

Peace and Purpose:

The Philosophy of Nonviolence in Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Evan M. Banks

Spring 2019

“And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; and where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.”

-Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.”

-Yoda, Revenge of the Sith

“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.”

-Kylo Ren, The Last Jedi

“Your weapons, you will not need them.”

“What’s in there?”

“Only what you take with you.”

Yoda and Luke, The Empire Strikes Back

Studying religion and philosophy in the Star Wars universe has been a time-honored tradition among eccentric scholars with a penchant for all things geek since the first film debuted in 1977. What is widely regarded as one of the best qualities of the franchise is that it follows relatable characters and tells relatable stories in a fanciful and faraway place. Moviegoers from all over the globe identify with these characters as they face Earthly problems—love, betrayal, slavery, loyalty, devotion, religiosity, pain, loss, anguish, and triumph. It is in this reality that the developers of the franchise discuss complex philosophical, religious, and moral questions that humanity has struggled with since time immemorial. However, what sets these conversations apart from the human condition as we know it is the ever-present existence of the mysterious energy field that is commonly referred to by Star Wars’ pantheon as, “The Force.” At no period throughout the experience can a viewer reasonably argue that in the Star Wars universe, the Force does not exist. Yet, to what degree does the Force affect itself upon actors within the universe? This is a question that, throughout the stories, the creators of this morality play try and tackle—or at least use to explore the possibilities of what truth is. The existence of an interconnective power that may or may not influence actors’ decisions, thoughts, and actions comes with it the necessity of religions and philosophies within the universe itself that attempt to explain or interpret this phenomenon. These in-franchise vehicles are necessary to characterize the feasibility of the otherwise impossible feats carried out by benevolent or nefarious space-wizards who can harness and observe this powerful Force.

For over forty years fans and scholars have discussed the subtle and overt nuances in Star Wars and it does not take much to get two fans together to begin arguing about the nature of the Force, the role of government in society, what makes goodness and evil, and even the intrinsic value of a life, i.e. was Han justified in shooting Greedo in Episode IV? But by 2017, forty-one years later, the narrative started to take a turn. Filmmakers were criticized for rehashing the same old stories over and over again—which is wholly ironic considering that George Lucas derived a great deal of his inspiration from Joseph Campbell who posited that many of the Earth’s great myths were of independent invention yet held the same truths, and every great epic story since their advent were variations and derivations of these same morality plays. In light of these criticisms it was essential that the filmmakers explore new ideas and communicate a new message—at least one they had not communicated before. And in Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, that message pertains to how effective nonviolent action can be in the face of extreme tyranny. To discuss this relationship, a foundation in established Star Wars philosophy is essential.

There is no better place to start than Joseph Campbell. As a prominent and influential scholar, Campbell posited many theories regarding the nature of myths and their relationships with culture and even one’s own being. George Lucas is known for utilizing Campbell’s mythological models of storytelling.

Star Wars became an immediate, global phenomenon in large part because it portrayed a cosmic struggle between good and evil that was vivid enough to resonate with the audience but general enough so that any person, from any religion or background, could identify with the heroes and root for their struggle against the villains. This universality was completely intentional; George Lucas, adhering to Joseph Campbell’s concept of the mono-myth, believed that all moral teaching share certain core messages about good and evil. Lucas envisioned Star Wars as a galactic version of this one mythic story that would crystalize the basic truths that he believed resided in the heart of every religion or philosophy. For Lucas this was the idea that we all face an internal struggle between kindness, selflessness, and compassion, on the one side, and greed, corruption, and cruelty, on the other.[1]

Campbell himself even cites Luke Skywalker specifically as a mythic hero that the audience is to learn with.[2] Campbell illustrates that aspect of humanity—the need for society to have rightness modeled for it, what that rightness looks like, and how good and evil interact with that rightness. In Star Wars, evil and good are elements brought upon by actors but evil does not exist within the Force itself. Nature does not have the capacity for evil. Nature just is. The Force is. But when individual actors or actors en masse begin to learn to manipulate nature—manipulate the Force, that power is capable of being abused. And out of that abuse, a perversion of the nature of The Force is born—an Evil that is not only physical, but structural, and spiritual. This perversion must be combatted. How best to combat it, not whether one can win against it, is the question posed in TLJ.

Star Wars presents a dilemma in how one associates themselves with power balances and the role of an individual within these power structures.

Darth Vader has not developed his own humanity. He’s a robot. He’s a bureaucrat, living not in terms of himself but in terms of an imposed system. This is the threat to our lives that we all face today. Is the system going to flatten you out and deny you your humanity, or are you going to be able to make use of the system to the attainment of human purposes? How do you relate to the system so that you are not compulsively serving it? It doesn’t help to try to change it to accord with your system of thought. The momentum of history behind it is too great for anything really significant to evolve from that kind of action. The thing to do is learn to live in your period of history as a human being. That’s something else, and it can be done.[3]

Considering this, Campbell comments on the accessibility of such a humanist philosophy and states that Star Wars asks the question, “…are you going to be a person of heart and humanity—because that’s where the life is, from the heart—or are you going to do whatever seems to be required of you by what might be called ‘intentional power’?”[4] In this question lies the heart of the nonviolent argument that Rose in TLJ articulates. She states plainly explaining the moral lesson of the film, “That’s how we win, not by fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”[5] Campbell argues further that this idea of the “heart” is what is effective at challenging the machinations of evil, or in the case of TLJ, an extrajudicial tyranny. That positive change starts from within oneself and only once one achieves this balance and contentment with humanity and its role in love against tyranny can evil be triumphed over and redemption had.[6]

Campbell is very clearly speaking in the vein of nonviolent resistance much in the same way that Gandhi purports that the means and ends are one—that in order to truly achieve peace through nonviolent means one must embody the principles they preach. “We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him…We need not wait to see what others do.”[7] This concept of embodying change through a personal and in an inwardly-focused fashion is rife throughout TLJ. This message of inward change permeates throughout the franchise but reaches its most tumultuous as Luke Skywalker suffers a crisis of self when he turns from nonviolent means for a fleeting second as he stands over a sleeping Ben Solo with an ignited lightsaber assuming he can deny his nature and take a life in the interest of goodness. Luke had already learned the effectiveness of nonviolence from his encounter with The Emperor in his quest to change the Satyagraha—Gandhian “Soul Force”—of his father, Darth Vader. When Luke fails his own humanity, his own nature, and betraying his love, the galaxy is once again occupied by a systemic evil promulgated by a betrayed and confused power figure. While Luke fails in this respect, what he has passed on from his experiences with Vader, continue throughout the leadership of The Resistance in Leia.

It is important to note that The Resistance is not a state-sponsored entity but one that stands in protest to The New Republic’s appeasement of The First Order. The aptly named, Resistance’s primary focus in the films has been to flee as they work to destroy weapons of mass destruction. While not entirely nonviolent, these fighters do not entirely belong to the order of the Jedi and are thus not required to adhere to the tenets that Luke Skywalker purports. Which means there are elements of evil among them. Scholar Charles C. Camosy in, Chasing Kevin Smith: Was It Immoral for the Rebel Alliance to Destroy Death Star II, argues that it is a matter of motivation in determining whether taking lives in the interest of removing a WMD from the arena is moral. Essentially, the difference is that while Grand Moff Tarkin in A New Hope, and thus like the First Order in The Force Awakens, is pleased with the destruction of whole planets as a symbol of power with the intention to subdue whole populations to the will of The Emperor and the machine, the Rebellion akin to The Resistance are primarily concerned with the saving of lives and indeed mourn the mass death that came from the destruction of these weapons. In the opening sequence in TLJ, Poe takes out the deck cannons of the dreadnought and as soon as the evacuation is complete, Leia commands that he returns—intending only to secure the escape. A disarming tactic. Poe is to learn that engaging with violence beyond what is completely necessary is unjust. But doing violence even as a defensive countermeasure comes with it some intrinsic badness in that there is harm done. In this line of argument, Camosy is supporting the notion of Just War Theory. Yet, he does acknowledge the conflict inherent to Just War Theory in that there are no clear distinctions between good and evil on Earth as there are in Star Wars.[8]

From the opening scenes of A New Hope, the “culture” of Star Wars conditions us to root for the Rebels. Looking at the movies through this lens can blind us to the questionable decisions of those we are told are the “good guys.” The ability to challenge the dominant cultural lens through which most of us look at the world and ask critical questions of our own “side” is as rare today as it is important.[9]

And here viewers can see the crux of the argument in TLJ. The unnamed Benicio Del Toro character, “DJ,” very blatantly demonstrates to the protagonists Finn and Rose that The First Order does not have the monopoly on evil. Evil permeates society and even their own organization—the Resistance. Finn and Rose had just escaped from the casino city of Canto Bight that that was filled with arms dealers flaunting their spoils. Its not enough that they harm in business but even these arms dealers’ hobby involves enslaving children and harming animals.

After Rose communicates a personal connection to the harm that developing weapons can cause, she shows Finn the dangers of the military industrial complex—a true perversion of nature: metal twisted to destroy as quickly and efficiently as possible. As viewers are enraged with the idea of these developers testing weapons on the same people that built them, they are momentarily ripped from the idea of “good guys” and “bad guys” when DJ illustrates that The Resistance has been buying weapons from these same people, thus perpetuating the cycle of violence. “Good guys? Bad guys? Made up words…Finn, let me learn you something good, it’s all a machine partner, live free, don’t join.”[10] Barry Gan in Violence and Nonviolence takes an in-depth look at “The Myth of Good Guys and Bad Guys.”[11] He deconstructs the notions of the two types of individuals and illustrates that as one perpetuates this myth, they feed a beast that treats others as less than human and in turn justifies the maltreatment of individuals who are, more than likely, just like themselves. And in an interest of defending groups against a “bad guy” that does not actually exist in logic, “we become convinced that it is wiser to spend money on arms rather than education, on training people to destroy communities instead of build them.”[12] By choosing to juxtapose arms with education, Gan is demonstrating that society’s most powerful tool in the promulgation of nonviolent interests is education. This is something that the Jedi religion and indeed, Luke Skywalker’s crisis touches on extensively during the experiences he has in TLJ.

The morality and nature of myth explored throughout Star Wars is typically dichotomized between two entities in conflict with each other wherein either persuasion is plainly categorized as “good” or “bad.” The goodness and badness of entities and actors is more or less hand-fed to the viewer. It is clear who one is supposed to root for in the story. Yet, as the characters become more complex through their story arcs, so does the philosophy and differing opinions on the nature of the Force and its relationship with goodness and badness or good and evil. Indeed, they vary in opinion regarding the nature of good and evil itself. The Last Jedi attempts to bridge gaps in conflicting interpretations of the Force and brings with it the approaches to violence supported by two competing cosmological arguments—cosmotic and acosmotic.

These concepts lend themselves to the conversation regarding evil itself in such a way that is quintessential to Star Wars’ in-universe philosophies that support or denounce the use of violence. In “Balance through Struggle: Understanding the Novel Cosmology of the Force in The Last Jedi” Terrance MacMullan characterizes cosmotic beliefs as holding “that there is really only one true thing or order in the universe, that is morally good and that evil is just a corruption of this one true thing.” This is best demonstrated by the fact that while the Jedi submit to the will of the Force, the Sith harness The Dark Side. The Jedi do not submit to the will of the light side but just the nature of all that is The Force. The Dark Side is a delineation of the natural and thus requires a modifier. Never once has the term “the light side” been mentioned in the films. Service to the Force is understood by the old Jedi Order to perpetuate the continued dominance of good. This is opposite of the acosmotic.

Acosmotic beliefs consider good and evil both being natural phenomenon and while not necessarily diametrically opposed but exist in tandem as encouraged by Daoist beliefs surrounding the Yin and the Yang.[13] So what does this have to do with Star Wars? In the cosmotic interpretation of Luke’s new Jediism, the struggling Jedi Master is attempting to come to terms with the idea of balance between good and evil instead of inherent good. He is moving the conversation away from the inherent goodness of the Jedi and the inherent badness of the Sith and discussing a more nuanced balance of the Force. “…And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, that’s vanity.”[14] Luke is demonstrating that as actors within a violent system, the promulgation of Star Wars’ equivalent of the Yin, as if the Jedi have agency over it, has resulted in their hubris and this their diminished ability to affect good on the galaxy. That in this, the Yang would also require agents. Supreme Leader Snoke mirrors this sentiment when he encouters Rey aboard his flagship, “Darkness rises and light to meet it.”[15] But the film does not end on this notion of balance; it takes a turn to a different lesson.

This film is not only Luke teaching Rey, it also has a component of him learning that he does indeed, as an actor in The Force, have the ability to affect change in a positive way. And he calls upon his past experiences to draw wisdom. Yoda, when Luke attempts to burn down the tradition of the Jedi, appears as a teacher, and in standard Yoda fashion, delivers yet again, a very powerful lesson—that he need not try to uphold the traditions that he believes damaged the galaxy but simply, “pass on what [he] has learned,” and strongly consider his failures.[16] As Luke reconnects himself with the Force it is possible that he looks back on his greatest successes—times when he was present, yet takes no violent action at all. For instance, when he destroys the first Death Star, he allowed the Force to do it for him. When he defeated The Emperor through Darth Vaders’ redemption, he did nothing but throw his weapon away. These occurrences demonstrate that the nature of the Force is interested in the vanquishing of evil and Luke’s greatest victories came when he released control of his weapons and turned his mind to the Force. But Yoda required he consider his greatest failures. Every time he failed, the Force seemed to very obviously return the harm back unto himself. When Luke turns to weapons and conflict as a means by which he could do good, such as confronting Vader in Cloud City and losing his hand, and when he takes up arms against Ben during his training and loses everything, The Force is telling him that courting violence comes with consequences. It is during these realizations in TLJ that Luke seemingly retracts from the acosmotic and embraces yet again the cosmotic with a newfound understanding of how effective his nonviolent actions can be. So Luke astral projects himself in front of the First Order army and performs the greatest feat ever displayed by a Jedi on screen. It is one of extreme nonviolence and in so doing humiliates those that would do harm and removes entirely the value the First Order places in violence and destruction. This story is the last thing that the next generation of freedom fighters tells—one of “peace and purpose.”[17]

As Rey says those final lines while she and Leia consider Luke’s broken weapon, Leia responds to Rey’s concern about how to move forward suggesting that with the weapon broken, “we have everything we need” thus mirroring Yoda’s warning to luke when he enters the dark side cave in Episode V when he tells him, “your weapons, you will not need them.”[18] While it may have taken 37 years for Luke, Leia, Rey, and the rest of Star Wars fandom to actually heed Yoda’s powerful words, it seems that the overwhelming message in Star Wars: The Last Jedi is that active political resistance through nonviolence and the destruction of weapons is the best way to resist tyranny and promote peace and justice throughout the galaxy. Indeed, that only the Force should be the deciding factor on whether a life is to be taken, or harm done. There is no telling whether this narrative will continue in December 2019, but it is sincerely the opinion of this author that this message needs to be carried through to its ultimate conclusion and that peace come not at the hands of destruction and death but by the promulgation and promotion of passive political resistance.

[1]Terrence MacMullan, “Balance through Struggle: Understanding the Novel Cosmology of the Force in The Last Jedi,” The Journal of Religion and Pop Culture 31, no 1, Spring 2019, 103.

[2] Joseph Cambell, The Power of Myth: With Bill Moyers, Apostrophe S Productions, 1988, 23.

[3] Ibid, 178.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Johnston, The Last Jedi, 2017.

[6] Ibid, 23.

[7] M.K. Gandhi, “General Knowledge About Health,” Indian Opinion 13, chapter 153, New Delhi, India, 1913, 241.

[8] Charles C. Camosy, “Chasing Kevin Smith: Was It Immoral for the Rebel Alliance to Destryo Death Star II,” in The Ultimate Star Wars and Philosophy: You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned” ed by Jason T. Eberl and Kevin S. Decker,” 2016, John Wiley and Sons, 67.

[9] Ibid

[10] Johnston, The Last Jedi, 2017.

[11] Barry Gan, Violence and Nonviolence: An Introduction, Rowman and Littlefield, Lanham MD, 2013, 25-38.

[12] Ibid, 37.

[13] Terrence Macmullan, “Balance through Struggle: Understanding the Novel Cosmology of the Force in The Last Jedi,” The Journal of Religion and Pop Culture 31, no 1, Spring 2019, 101-102

[14] Rian Johnston, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Los Angeles, 20th Century Fox, 2017

[15] Ibid.

[16] Ibid.

[17] Ibid.

[18] Irvin Kershner, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, 20th Century Fox, 1980.

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joealwyndaily · 6 years ago

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Joe Alwyn recently met his childhood hero. The 28-year-old was attending the Academy's annual Governors Awards for the first time, where a who's who of Hollywood had gathered to schmooze with Oscar voters and watch this year's honorees receive honorary awards. The hobnobbing eventually led Alwyn to cross paths with none other than Zorro himself, Antonio Banderas.

"It took everything in me not to challenge him into a sword fight," Alwyn admitted.

Banderas, of course, starred as the masked vigilante in 1998's The Mask of Zorro and its sequel. "I was such a huge fan of Zorro growing up," Alwyn grinned. "That's one of the reasons why I probably ended up acting somehow. I literally just shook his hand and said, 'Hi!'" As it were, Banderas is in the awards season shuffle with Pain and Glory, while Alwyn was out in support of his new film, Harriet.

"There was no competitive element, obviously," he said. Still, the Governors Awards serve as the first pit stop for any potential Oscars contender. "You're sitting there watching these four amazing legends being honored for the most amazing backlog of work, someone like David Lynch and Geena Davis. And then you run into people that you have grown up watching."

Now, Alwyn is the one being watched. After studying at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama, as actors such as Sir Laurence Olivier and Andrew Garfield did before him, a then-unknown Alwyn was cast as the lead of Ang Lee's Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk in 2015. "That was the strangest experience when it ended," Alwyn said.

"Because it was such a surreal, full-on experience: Going to a country I'd never been to before, being on a film set -- which I'd never been in front of a camera before -- with a group of people who I'd grown up watching, it was the most intense experience I'd had, ever. And then suddenly--" He snaps his fingers. "It's ended. And you are back in London and everyone's still over there and you're back to walking the dog and it's raining and you're trying to compute what's just happened. It was very surreal."

When I met up with Alwyn after the Governors Awards, he greeted me at the door to shake my hand and promptly offered to get me a water. "Or Coke? Or coffee?" he asked, surveying the spread of beverages. All of which is to say, he's polite. And humble, too, whether it be over compliments of his wardrobe -- a peacoat over a cerulean sweater, khaki joggers and great boots ("Thank you! They're not mine!") -- or the trajectory of his career.

If Alwyn's unlikely start feels nearly impossible to match, he followed Billy Lynn with a run of meaningful supporting roles, which were only possible because Lee took a chance on him. "Every opportunity since is because of that," he said, arm draped over the back of the chair. "I owe him everything."

"I felt very lucky to work with someone like him for the first time, and I thought, if I can, I want to keep trying to work with really interesting, great directors and not just jump into something that's a big role or big for the sake of it," he explained. "Trying to find parts in really interesting projects and build that way rather than just blindly jump."

That thinking led to a truly breakthrough year in 2018, with Alwyn appearing in Operation Finale, as the Nazi son of Ben Kingsley's Adolph Eichmann, in The Favourite, as the airhead paramour to Emma Stone, in Boy Erased, as a troubled love interest for Lucas Hedges, and in Mary Queen of Scots, as hand to Margot Robbie's Queen Elizabeth.

All the while he was gaining recognition for his acting, there was another angle of interest about Alwyn, casting him into the public spotlight for his personal life as the longtime boyfriend of Taylor Swift. How, then, was he able to reconcile the two?

"I just don't really engage with anything that I don't want to engage with," he said. "And so if there's any kind of extra noise about things that I'm not so interested in, I'll just turn it off. And so it just disappears, to a degree."

Currently, he's engaged with his return to theaters in director Kasi Lemmons' soulful Harriet Tubman biopic. Harriet is the first time the abolitionist and activist's story has been adapted into a proper biopic, and Alwyn acknowledged that, before being sent the script, "I ignorantly didn't really know much about Harriet. Growing up in the U.K., she's not part of the curriculum. I'd heard of her name, I'd seen the iconic older image of her, but I didn't know really who she was or what she did and what she achieved."

Cynthia Erivo plays the titular role, with Alwyn co-starring as Gideon Brodess, the son of Tubman's enslaver. The Brodess family is a matter of historical record, though Gideon exists somewhere between composite character and fictitious creation. That posed a challenge for Alwyn as he began the process of finding his way into Gideon.

"It was tricky. I mean, he's obviously a horrible person," he said. "And a horrible family. And they stood for something that is impossible to connect with today. For any good human being, it's impossible. The idea of slavery is repulsive and abhorrent, and so trying to find a way in is hard."

Instead, Alwyn searched for any relatable human qualities he could latch onto. Harriet posits that Araminta "Minty" Ross -- the child who would grow to become Harriet Tubman -- and Gideon Brodess would have been born around the same time, and Gideon might have even considered Minty a friend during their childhood. "Then, suddenly, a line would have been drawn and he would've been taught to hate or told to hate," Alwyn explained.

Their ties are further knotted when Gideon's father dies and he becomes Harriet's enslaver. "Whatever feeling it is he has for her that we touch on throughout the film -- whether it's love that's buried there, or whatever it is -- I don't think there was a language to understand that for himself. So I tried to hold onto some kind of confusion as a human being. Or to an obligation and loyalty to a family, even if that family is completely horrible."

He had the fortune of navigating it all alongside Erivo, with whom he shares the majority of his scenes. Erivo signed on to the project before anyone else and had spent years with it, in addition to the research and physical training she did before filming. Ahead of production, Alwyn and Erivo met with their director for a week's worth of rehearsals, during which they walked through the duo's most difficult scenes.

"It wasn't the kind of film where it would have been helpful to play mind games and go and sit in the corner and not talk to each other," he chuckled. "Because of the nature of it, you want to be in a safe space with each other and give each other a kind of understanding and a reassurance and permission to do whatever you need to do in order to service the scene, service the story in the way that we're trying to tell it."

And that story, he decided, was not strictly about a historical figure and what she was able to achieve in her lifetime. Harriet speaks to what has come to pass, now as much as ever: "If you're scrolling through Twitter or you go on the news, you're inundated with stories of division and prejudice and racism and families being torn apart," he said. "That's something that the film touches on, and Harriet is -- as much as any figure I can think of -- someone who fought and overcame those hurdles and is a shining light against all of those things."

With Harriet playing in theaters, Alwyn's next projects are already lined up: He's playing Bob Cratchit in FX's dark reimagining of the Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol, opposite Guy Pearce's Ebenezer Scrooge. Then there is an adaptation of Jojo Moyes' best-selling novel, The Last Letter From Your Lover. And then? "I'd love to do a big war movie," he grinned. "Like a World War movie or something. That'd be cool."

And there are more awards season events ahead, too -- the Governors Awards being only the beginning of the race to the Oscars -- which means future opportunities to proclaim his love of Zorro. Alwyn didn't do it the first time. "I was just like, 'Hello!'" But it's bound to happen sooner or later." As I leave the hotel that day, who should stroll past me inside but Antonio Banderas himself? Perhaps it will be sooner.

#joe alwyn #interview #harriet #omg i love this!#JOE MET HIS CHILDHOOD HERO #that's so cute!!!!

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mirkwoodshewolf · 6 years ago

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You can do better than that; Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x reader

*Author’s note*

Alrighty my dears, this one was a bit of a challenge because apparently I don’t do well with ‘play hard to get’ so I apologize in advance if some of the dialogue or writing is too cringy but I tried my best cause I got too deep into this fic. So I hope to the anon who wanted this request ends up happy with the result and I thank you for being sooo patient with me :) Not really any big warnings just swearing, mentions of being played, but there’s mostly fluff.

_______________________________________________________

*March 1st, 1971*

It wasn’t easy but I managed it. Making the big jump from moving out of my home country of America to here in England was tough and of course the homesickness hit after the first couple of weeks but somehow I managed. I knew I needed to be here in Britain because it had so much more potential for me than America ever did.

That is of course when my noisy neighbor isn’t banging away at what sounds like a drumkit at the early stages of the night. I never really got to meet them because for the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to get interviews for some record companies so that one day I can become the first ever female record producer since I’ve had an ear for talent. But until then I’m stuck with two jobs in order to pay the bills, by day I work as a waitress at a nearby restaurant then twice a week by nightfall I work at a local bar—or I guess I should call it a pub since that’s what they call it here in England, as a bartender near the University.

I had just gotten in from a seriously long shift at the restaurant since one of my coworkers thought I would be the perfect candidate for covering for him while he takes his girlfriend out on holiday for their anniversary or some shit. So 12 long hours instead of my usual 9hr has made me not only exhausted but irritated and hangry.

After finding me some cookies to chow down on, I collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering changing out of my uniform and tried to sleep. Just when I thought I could finally fall into a deep sleep; my noisy neighbor once again began banging on those blasted drums.

“That’s it! I can’t take this anymore!” I got out of my bed and left my apartment and went over next door. I banged on the door to give this guy a piece of my mind. Because for the past few days they would be drumming till the but crack of dawn which made it impossible for me to try and go to sleep, especially when I would have a double shift to work at. I banged my fist to the door and cried out, “Hey! Open this damn door right now!! I’ve got just a couple things to say to you yah bastard!!”

The door opened and standing there was a cute—okay handsome man around my age maybe a year or two older with long blonde hair that went past his shoulders, and he had the bluest blue eyes.

*Roger’s POV*

I was practicing my solo for Brian’s new song ‘Keep yourself alive’. I’ve been trying to perfect this solo for weeks now and just the other day I managed to get the solo to the point where I was happy with it. After practicing it a few times around, I knew the crowd was going to like this.

But as I was practicing, I heard several hard knocks at my door and I heard a female voice say.

“Hey! Open this damn door right now!! I’ve got just a couple things to say to you yah bastard!!” I set my drumsticks down and hurried over to the door and opened it. But I was shocked to see that such a beautiful woman was standing before me. Her long (h/c) hair gently waved past her shoulders, she wore a waitress uniform that looked like she worked at “Bill’s coffee shop”.

It then also occurred to me that she also served as a bartender at the pub where my band plays. I’ve always admired her from a far but never once got the balls to go over and say hello, well now it looks like I get the chance to do it now.

*My POV*

As I kept staring at this guy, it suddenly hit me that he was the drummer for that band that performs at the pub I work at. I think their name was Smile?

“May I help you?” I snapped out of my daze and said.

“Yes I would like to file a complaint.”

“Ahh I see, and what may I ask is the complaint in regard to?” he said with a grin as he leaned against the door.

“The noise. You do realize it’s 12:30 in the morning and some of us are trying to sleep.”

“My apologizes love.”

“Listen buddy. It’s late, I’m tired and all I want to do is fall asleep. So can you please try to keep the noise down. I don’t want to come back here and argue at this point.”

“I’ll try. Though I hope you don’t mind me asking, you’re not from around here are you?” he asked me.

“No I moved here a few weeks ago from America.”

“Ahh an American girl.”

“Yeah now I got to get back to sleep so can we please put this discussion to an end?” I snapped not wanting to get into a discussion about this when I had to be up by 6am for my 7:30 shift tomorrow.

“Alright love, I promise I’ll keep it down.”

“Thank you.” I then headed back into my apartment and fell right back asleep.

*Roger’s POV*

As I watched the cute girl go back into her apartment, I knew that now I had to talk to her at my next gig. Maybe I would suede her to go on a date with me.

*My POV*

A few days later it was now my double shift at the bar. I was getting drinks for people when the band soon came up and following the curly-haired guitarist was my noisy neighbor.

“Hello everybody, we’ve got—we’ve got a few fresh faces here. This is John Deacon our new bass player. And our new lead singer Freddie Buls-Bulsara. Freddie Bulsara.” I then took notice of the long haired bass player and the new lead singer who didn’t look like he was from Britain, he looked Middle eastern, maybe from India or something. But there was just something about him that looked right about him.

“That’s right.” The lead singer nodded.

“And of course Roger, biggest member of them all.” The guitarist spoke into the mic and I could hear a girl cry out.

“Hi Roger!” Some of the students cheered and that’s when Freddie spoke into the mic.

“Hello, all you beautiful people.” Of course one asshole had to be a racist as he cried out.

“Where’s Tim!? Who’s the Pakkie?” I rolled my eyes. See it was people like this that made me leave America, especially when you live in the Southern states, it was even worse. Some of the crowd agreed with the guy and that’s when the band began playing their set.

Freddie seemed to struggle with the microphone stand and I cringed as it made that horrible feedback sound. I hide my face for him until he finally just broke the mic off of it’s stand and the song began. I’ll admit hearing them all play together and Freddie’s voice, it was—unlike anything I’ve ever heard from any band. I bopped my head along to the song and kept my eyes on a certain drummer, without having him notice of course as I kept serving the drinks.

The band kept playing for about another hour or so, and I’ll also say that Freddie the new lead singer has made everyone in the room feel important, it was like he was reaching out to everyone in the audience, no matter who they were and made them feel important, even I felt that pull and would sometimes drift away from the bar and just stand amongst the crowd (which didn’t make my boss happy).

After the show I was cleaning up the bar when I heard a familiar voice say.

“So what did you think?” I stopped mid-cleaning and turned to see my neighbor leaning against the counter and I said.

“The band or are you just asking about you?”

“A little bit of both.” He smiled as he leaned further in towards me. “I saw you watching me.”

“How do you know I wasn’t looking at your lead singer?”

“Please love, if you were you’re head would’ve been moving around too much, you stayed standard right on me.” I rolled my eyes and said.

“You have quite an imagination.”

“Only when it involves you.” He said. Okay I get what he’s doing. He’s trying to smooth talk me, charm me and woo me till he gets his way with me. I grinned and leaned towards him and said.

“You know what?”

“What?” he said as he leaned closer towards me. I decided to toy with him a bit placing my hand on his bicep which was pretty buffed probably from years of drumming but I tossed the thought out of my head as I continued.

“You should come back later when you’ve learned a better pickup line.” His grin vanished as he looked like a kicked puppy as I leaned away from her and continued my work.

“So southern girls have a more fight to them, I like that in a woman. I find respect in that.” He said as he came around toward me.

“I hope you’re not trying to insult me.”

“Not at all, just making conversation. How long have you been here in London?”

“A couple weeks now. I only just started working here last week.”

“Does my southern bell have a name?” I looked up at him and he just looked at me with a gentle tilt of his head, like a golden retriever puppy.

“Why so keen on knowing my name?”

“I just figured since we’re neighbors and all, and since I was so rude as to not notice it before and not give you a proper British welcome, I would like to know the name of the cute neighbor next door.” I tried to hide my blush as I said.

“(Y/n) (l/n).”

“That’s a beautiful name, I’m Roger. Roger Taylor.” He said as he extended his hand out for me to take. Even though I was playing hard to get, it’d be rude if I denied a handshake so I took his hand, but instead of a handshake, Roger kissed my knuckles and I swore I felt my heart skip a beat, but of course I wasn’t going to tell him that.

A couple years went by and in 1973, I finally heard back from EMI about a position for their company, however the downside was that I was nothing more than a secretary to the main producer Ray Foster. So that meant just organizing papers, getting the coffee, boring stuff, never really get to touch anything music related, unless its passing him the records.

I was currently going through some papers at the front desk outside Ray’s office when I got buzzed in and the boss’s voice soon spoke up.

“(L/n), John’s bringing in my new signing band coming in today, make sure they’re all present before bringing them up to my office.”

“Right away sir, I’ll send them up once they’ve arrived.” I got up from my desk and walked towards the elevator and pressed the down button.

“Hold the elevator!” I held it and in walked in my good friend Mikaela. Now as I’ve stated before, I despised racism so when most of the people at EMI mostly the men never gave Mikaela the light of day, I decided to reach out my hand in friendship.

Since we’re both women in the workforce we might as well stick together.

“Thank you (y/n).”

“Anytime Mimi, so what have you got to do.”

“Gotta get these checks mailed out, how about you?”

“Boss man wants me to bring up a new band that EMI has signed up with.”

“Any idea who they are?”

“No idea, but they must be good if Ray signs them up, or if they come straight from John Reid himself.”

“Really?” I nodded as I hummed. Soon the elevator dinged as we reached the ground floor and as we walked out she said, “So we still on for our Happy hour?”

“Absolutely. After the week I’ve been having, I deserve a few drinks.”

“Alright, see you Thursday night.”

“Will do, pick you up at 7?” She nodded and then we went our separate ways. As I walked along the lobby I saw John Reid sitting at the lobby with a group of familiar boys. “Oh god, tell me this isn’t happening.” I muttered to myself.

Because amongst those boys was none other than Roger. Ever since the pub performance all those years ago, every day whenever he could whether it was at the pub or even when we would pass each other in the lobby or the hallway, he’d try to flirt with me trying to make me swoon like every other girl he’s screwed around with.

Of course every chance I turned down all his pickups and advances and now it seems like I’ll never escape from him. But not wanting to risk getting fired for keeping Mr. Foster waiting, I sucked it up and approached Mr. Reid.

“Mr. Reid.” He turned to look at me and I said, “I’m (y/n) (l/n). Mr. Foster’s assistant I was sent down to collect you and the band.”

“Ahh yes Miss (y/n).” He stood up from the chair and the two of us shook hands with each other. “Pleasure to meet you, I’d like to introduce you to Queen, EMI’s new signup.” I waved to the boys and that’s when Freddie spoke up.

“Wait, weren’t you a bartender at the pub near the University?”

“Yeah I was.”

“Oh darling you have got some explaining to do because this boy would not shut up when you had left the pub! Could not get him to stop talking about you.” Freddie spoke as he pointed to Roger.

“It was sickening.” Piped in John Deacon.

“Bugger off the lot of you.” Roger muttered.

“Alright enough you four, now then let’s not keep Ray waiting any longer, we’re ready to meet him when you are Miss (l/n).”

“Right this way gentlemen.” As we headed toward the elevator, my attention turned to Roger.

So he’s been talking about me huh? Never did I think he’d still be on me even to his bandmates. He’s definitely persistent I’ll give him that, but at this point I’m just not looking for a relationship at the moment.

Once we reached Mr. Foster’s office, he allowed me to come in saying that it was important that I stay for one big announcement that involved me. At first I thought it would have to do something of a promotion, like finally being able to work the controls of the booth but instead I got the news that I would be Queen’s assistant, which meant I had to check in on them day to day along with some guy named Paul Prenter.

My heart dropped but I swear I thought I saw Roger’s face perk up as he turned toward me.

“Sir are—are you sure I’m capable of doing something like this? I mean surely Queen doesn’t need two assistance……”

“I think it would be a wonderful idea.” Exclaimed Freddie.

“I surely wouldn’t mind it.” Brian soon spoke up.

“It’d be nice to have better company than these lot all the time.” John Deacon spoke up.

“In fact—she can be my personal assistant.” Roger piped in. Oh hell no.

“Seems the band agrees. You start tomorrow Miss (l/n).” John Reid said. Internally I was deflated more than anything of what I was hearing but I knew better than to cause a scene as I said.

“Can’t wait.” But it was spoken with a hint of sarcasm.

A few months go by and if I’m being honest, it wasn’t half bad being with the boys. I got to know them as they truly were and they were a bunch of really cool guys. John or as I’ve been allowed to call him, Deacy with his knowledge of electrical engineering, Brian’s love for astrophysics as well as animal rights especially for badgers, hedgehogs and foxes, Freddie I envy him because he’s given me such beautiful sketches and I wish I could draw half as good as he can.

And of course there’s Roger. Who continues to try and flirt with me but thanks to Deacy and Brian I can get back at him due to his major of being a dentist. But I’ll admit one thing, Roger does have his moments when he’s not trying to be Casanova like this one time when I was helping the boys get ready to preform on Top the Pops for their newest hit song ‘Killer Queen.’

I was with Deacy adjusting his jacket. Once I saw it was good enough I said.

“Alright, you’re all set.”

“Thanks (y/n), we’d be lost without you.”

“Oh stop it. Save that for Veronica.” Besides Fred, Deacy’s opened up more to me when it comes to relationship and lately he’s been seeing this girl named Veronica and I’ve wanted to hear every single detail of how they met and how each date has gone. Sometimes I even give him advice on how to act around her since poor baby he’s so terrible shy when it comes to dating, especially since he’s told me he really, really likes her.

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t told you about her.”

“Oh come on then who would you go to for advice?”

“Touché, you make a good point.”

“Listen chaps it is going to be playback. Lip-sync is all that is required.” One of the BBC producers spoke up.

“We do know how to play our instruments.” Roger spoke up.

“You want me to lip-sync?” Freddie spoke up as he got in the producer’s face which made him back up just a bit but still hold his ground.

“I just don’t understand why we simply can’t perform live?” asked Brian.

“The audience will never know the difference.”

“We’ll know the bloody difference.”

“This is the BBC that’s how things are done around here. Don’t be a nuisance.” He then walked away.

“Well then you lads will have to make sure no one can tell if you’re faking it.”

“The way things are done here. We’re bolly old chap.” Roger mocked the producer as Brian then mocked out in a posh, snotty tone.

“This is the BBC.”

“I’m relieved.” Deacy spoke up.

“Yeah you would be.” Brian muttered.

“Like perfect performance.”

“Oi (y/n) if you’re done playing groupie get off the stage, they’re about to start filming!” Paul cried out. I turned towards him almost about to snap back a retort at him when Roger beat me to it.

“Prenter! You outta look into the mirror and say that to yourself, cause if anyone here is the groupie it’s you yah wanker!” At that comeback I actually laughed softly at the insult he gave to Paul. He turned his attention toward me and he bragged, “A smile and a laugh. Guess I’m getting close huh?”

“Please Taylor. One chivalrous deed doesn’t suede me to admit anything.”

“But I still managed to get you to smile, I count that as a win.” I rolled my eyes at him and said as I got off the stage.

“Just play your fake drums drummer boy.” And even though it was beyond my control, a light blush came across my face.

Even with it being a ‘fake’ performance, the boys gave it their all and the song became a huge hit, especially in Japan where the boys did their tour there. Then there was the tour of America which the album ‘Sheer Heart Attack’ hit the charts back home.

I told the guys about my hometown and they tried to convince me to let them see my home but I told them that we had too tight a schedule but next time when there was time, I would show them where I grew up.

Now came time for another album to be recorded and after getting the approval from Foster about the new idea that Freddie had for the ‘A Night at the Opera’, we were on our way to a nice secluded recording studio out in Wales by the summer of 1975.

A few days after getting settled in, I was walking along the outside of the fields, having flashbacks of my grandparent’s farm when I heard a piano playing inside the studio. I walked in and I saw Deacy playing an electric piano and I could hear him softly mutter to himself.

I leaned by the door and kept quiet so that I wouldn’t disturb him as he kept muttering the lyrics and writing them down. Even though Deacy’s always said he’s not a singer, I can’t help but admire what he was humming and muttering to himself. I guess he must’ve seen me because next thing he did, he jumped up startled.

“Sorry, but you don’t have to stop on my account.”

“Just how much did you hear?”

“Heard about enough. It’s beautiful Deacy.” I walked inside the studio and sat down beside him and said, “What’s it called?”

“‘You’re my best friend’. I wrote it for Veronica.”

“Awww.” I awed as I placed my hand over my heart.

“But I doubt the lads will want to play it. Not really rock and roll enough for them for what I imagine it to be.”

“Don’t say that. Maybe they will, hell you play this for Fred and he’ll be on your side and make it go on the album.”

“Thanks (y/n).”

“Plus I know that once Veronica hears this, she’ll fall even deeper in love with you.”

“Oh come off it….”

“I’m serious. Sure some people think it’s cliché and maybe corny but to some girls that just proves a guy really cares about a woman. Especially if that guys a talented songwriter like you.” I said as I sat down beside him and playfully shoved his shoulder with mine.

“I just—wanted to do something for her. I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend to her, especially being away from her this long. I just want her to know that I’m always thinking of her.”

“And she will.” I sighed deeply.

“Okay what’s on your mind?”

“What do you mean?”

“No one sighs like that unless there’s something bothering them, so c’mon out with it. You’re always getting me to spill my guts, now it’s your turn missy.” I playfully scowled at him but caved in because I can never say no to Deacy’s adorable face so I said.

“Okay, there’s—actually it’s been going through my head for the past few years now. I mean I don’t know whether it’s this place, being away from the city but I……” my heart raced and my palms felt sweaty as I finally muttered, “I—I think I love Roger.” Deacy remained silent before finally saying.

“About bloody time you said it.”

“What now?”

“(Y/n) no offense love but you’re not as discreet as you think you are. There’s been so much sexual tension between you two that it’s unbelievable about how thick it is.”

“Well I can’t just get up and tell him how I feel?”

“He’s been trying so hard to get with you since day one, even before we met you last year he’d always talk about the cute neighbor next door to him. Why can’t you just put the poor boy out of his misery.”

“There’s…..there’s more to it than that.” I said solemnly as I fiddled with my nails. Deacy’s eyes became concerned and he said.

“He didn’t do anything wrong to you, did he?”

“No it’s just—” I sighed heavily and said as I fully turned to face him, “Okay, you know how I told you guys the reason why I moved to America was because of the problems going on?” he nodded and I said, “Well—what I’m about to tell you, I’ve never told anyone else, so you have to promise me you won’t tell a soul. Not even Veronica.”

“You know you don’t have to tell me,”

“I know but—I’ve been holding it in for so long, and you’re the most trustworthy person I know. So promise me Deacy.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.” I sighed deeply and said.

“Okay. Back in college I…..I once knew a guy that was exactly like Roger. He loved to flirt and give out pickup lines. He wasn’t bad looking either, dark brown hair and green eyes. Well, one day during a break in class he came up to me and started flirting with me. And not having a boyfriend before, I—I fell for the pickup lines and the flirtation and soon we started dating.”

“And then he cheated on you?” Deacy asked. I scoffed out a laugh and said.

“I wish, what happened was way worse.”

“Oh god he—he didn’t……”

“No, no not that worse. Don’t worry Deacy.” He sighed with relief for a brief second before listening once more, “Well we dated for about a year and a half and it was our anniversary so I decided to make him some cookies. I went up to the frat boy house he was in and just before I knocked on the door, I heard him and his friends talking.” I trailed off as tears filled my eyes.

I tried to keep them in as I looked up and laughed out icily as I continued,

“Apparently they were all having a contest to see who could get the biggest loser on campus…..and he won. My picture was plastered everywhere all over campus. He stopped talking to me and turned on me by calling me ‘desperate�� and ‘naïve’ for not seeing it earlier. He never loved me; I was nothing but a joke to him.”

��Oh (y/n).”

“The entire student body was against me. So much so that I had to drop out of college and I had to move here. Because even when I wasn’t in school, the teasing and harassment still happened whenever I was out in public. So I moved here where no one knew who I was.” I felt Deacy wrap his arms around me as he lent his shoulder for me to cry on. “Since then, I’ve vowed to close my heart to any flirting or any guy that would try to hurt me again…..and knowing Roger with his groupies I—”

“I get it. What that bastard did was unforgiveable and I can understand where you’re coming from. But you do know that not all guys are like him, right?”

“Of course I do. You, Bri and Fred are the proof of that. Sometimes Rog is also in there but, I’m just—afraid that, even if I do admit to him my real feelings for him……”

“I know. Sometimes Rog can be—a bit much, but when he sets his mind to something he won’t ever stop. No matter who or what gets in his way. Like remember the day you got the stomach flu?” I nodded recalling when he came over and helped take care of me, “Well you may not have known this, but we were in the middle of recording with Reid checking in on us. He actually fought to try and leave just so he could take care of you.”

“He seriously did that? He—he just told me you guys were rehearsing, not recording.”

“Well we were. He may not seem to want to appear soft on most days, but when it comes to you, he’ll drop anything just to make sure you’re okay.” I softly smiled and wiped away my tears and said as I separated from him.

“Thanks for listening Deacy, you’re the best.”

“I know.” He said with a shrug. Before grinning cheekily and chuckled softly which made me chuckle.

“Now you promise not to say anything to the guys?”

“Say what?” He had this twinkle in his eye that told me that he was only playing and I smiled and thanked him once more before leaving the studio to tell him that I needed to get dinner started if the guys were gonna eat on time before they dove too deep into the recording and they end up missing another meal.

About a week later I was sitting outside on the porch swing looking out into the field. It was a nice cool summer day after all the rain we’ve been having the last three days so it was a nice change of scenery weather wise.

“May I join you?” I turned around and there stood Roger.

“I don’t mind.” He then sat himself down just a couple inches away from me on the swing.

“I’ll admit I at first didn’t like this place but it’s growing on me.”

“That’s the thing with you city boys, you just don’t get it.”

“And what would you know country girl?”

“My grandparents owned a farm down in Arkansas. I used to always visit them every summer and Christmas before they both died.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss (y/n).”

“It’s fine. It was over 10 years ago when they died, but I appreciate it Rog.” The two of us sat there for awhile softly swinging on the swing until I finally broke the silence, “Hey Roger,” he turned to me and I said, “I—I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Well ever since I moved here, I feel like I haven’t been all that nice to you. And I…..I just want to make sure that you’re not mad or anything.”

“No, no in fact, I wanted to come out here and apologize for some of the things I’ve said to you. It wasn’t right of me to just flirt with you right out of the blue. Also I apologize for keeping you up all night with my drums.”

“That apology I can accept.” We both softly chuckled and I said.

“So do—do you think we can start over?”

“I’d like that. I’m Roger Taylor, nice to meet you new neighbor.” I smiled at him and said as we both shook hands with each other.

“(Y/n) (l/n).” With the hatchet buried and a new bond forged, I thought it was safe to say that Roger and I were now starting a new relationship.

We stayed outside for a good while when I finally turned around to look at him and just like the night we first met, my heart raced at seeing his blonde hair shine like the sun. It was like if Adonis and an angel had a baby, then Roger Taylor would be the end result of their bond. As he turned toward me, I quickly looked back out toward the field and I heard him softly laugh.

“I saw that.”

“You’re so full of it Taylor.” The two of us softly laughed and I broke the silence, “But you are right earlier. This view, this place it’s just so beautiful. I’d love to live in a place like this. No noise from the city, perfect view of the sunrise and sunset. And nothing but greenery for miles and miles ahead.”

“You know I’d be willing to buy you a house like that.” I turned to him and we looked at each other.

“I can’t ask that of you.”

“Why not?”

“Well the well earned money is yours, and I’d rather not take what you and the boys have worked so hard to get.”

“And I can do whatever I want with it, and if I want to buy a country house for a dear friend of mine, then I’ll do it.” I smiled softly and said.

“Thanks Rog, I appreciate it.” I then felt his fingertips softly touch mine and I looked straight into his blue eyes and he looked back at mine.

“(Y/n) I—I know I’ve been hounding you for years on the subject, but that’s because I—I’ve never really known how else to talk to a girl. I know you must think of me as some pigheaded flirt but—I just never knew how else to talk to you. So I…..I hope I don’t ruin this newly formed friendship by say that…..I like you. I really, really, really like you (y/n). These past few years with you have just been…..a blessing to me. And—god now I’ve gone and fucked this up hadn’t—”

I stopped his rambling by placing my lips against his. I felt his right hand go to my waist while his left cupped the side of my face as we deepened the kiss. I slowly lifted my hand and allowed my fingers to comb through his soft blonde hair, we gave each other a couple more pecks and I said.

“Congrats Taylor, you finally got me the right way.”

“You mean—”

“Truthfully I’ve had a crush on you since the night we met.”

“So I was right?” he teased.

“Now don’t go getting a big head drama queen. I just….Can you promise me something Roger?”

“Anything.”

“I—Can we please just take this one day at a time? Back home there was something that really hurt me, I’d rather not talk about it to you just yet, cause I feel like I won’t be able to be stable as I say it.”

“I won’t pressure you for anything (y/n). We can take this as slow as you want.”

“Also, I know how you are with your hookups with groupies. I—I just need to know that you won’t cheat on me or break my heart.”

“I promise (y/n). The only girl I want hanging around my arm is you. I wouldn’t be this persistent if I didn’t want anything more than a hookup with you.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me and I felt him kiss the side of my head. “I love you so much (y/n).”

“I love you too Roger.”

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endymionreads · 5 years ago

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So I've never done the Magical Readathon before, but it happened to cross my tl this afternoon on twitter, and I figured, since I'm trying to get back into reading, why not? It was the perfect opportunity!

I will be attempting all of the exams, and whatever I pass will be the N.E.W.T.S. I take if I do that in August! I don’t really know what I want to choose for a career yet, both irl and for the Readathon, so I’ll just be taking the exams and seeing where I end up!

You can view my TBR under the cut!

Ancient Runes → Read a book with a heart on the cover or in the title.

Bring Me Their Hearts by Sara Wolf

Zera is a Heartless – the immortal, unageing soldier of a witch. Bound to the witch Nightsinger ever since she saved her from the bandits who murdered her family, Zera longs for freedom from the woods they hide in. With her heart in a jar under Nightsinger’s control, she serves the witch unquestioningly. Until Nightsinger asks Zera for a Prince’s heart in exchange for her own, with one addendum; if she’s discovered infiltrating the court, Nightsinger will destroy her heart rather than see her tortured by the witch-hating nobles. Crown Prince Lucien d’Malvane hates the royal court as much as it loves him – every tutor too afraid to correct him and every girl jockeying for a place at his darkly handsome side. No one can challenge him – until the arrival of Lady Zera. She’s inelegant, smart-mouthed, carefree, and out for his blood. The Prince’s honor has him quickly aiming for her throat. So begins a game of cat and mouse between a girl with nothing to lose and a boy who has it all. Winner takes the loser’s heart. Literally.

Arithmancy → Read a book outside your favorite genre.

Red, White, & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

What happens when America's First Son falls in love with the Prince of Wales? When his mother became President of the United States, Alex Claremont-Diaz was promptly cast as the American equivalent of a young royal. Handsome, charismatic, genius—his image is pure millennial-marketing gold for the White House. There's only one problem: Alex has a beef with an actual prince, Henry, across the pond. And when the tabloids get hold of a photo involving an Alex/Henry altercation, U.S./British relations take a turn for the worse. Heads of the family and state and other handlers devise a plan for damage control: Stage a truce between the two rivals. What at first begins as a fake, Instagrammable friendship grows deeper, and more dangerous, than either Alex or Henry could have imagined. Soon Alex finds himself hurtling into a secret romance with a surprisingly unstuffy Henry that could derail the presidential campaign and upend two nations. It raises the question: Can love save the world after all? Where do we find the courage, and the power, to be the people we are meant to ben? And how can we learn to let our true colors shine through? , how will history remember you?

Astronomy → Read the majority of the book at night.

We Rule the Night by Claire Eliza Bertlett

Seventeen-year-old Revna is a factory worker, manufacturing war machines for the Union of the North. When she's caught using illegal magic, she fears being branded a traitor and imprisoned.

Meanwhile, on the front lines, Linne defied her father, a Union general, and disguised herself as a boy to join the army. They're both offered a reprieve from punishment if they use their magic in a special women's military flight unit and undertake terrifying, deadly missions under cover of darkness.

Revna and Linne can hardly stand to be in the same cockpit, but if they can't fly together, and if they can't find a way to fly well, the enemy's superior firepower will destroy them--if they don't destroy each other first.We Rule the Night is a powerful story about sacrifice, complicated friendships, and survival despite impossible odds

Care of Magical Creatures → Read a book with a creature with a beak on the cover.

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim

Maia Tamarin dreams of becoming the greatest tailor in the land, but as a girl, the best she can hope for is to marry well. When a royal messenger summons her ailing father, once a tailor of renown, to court, Maia poses as a boy and takes his place. She knows her life is forfeit if her secret is discovered, but she'll take that risk to achieve her dream and save her family from ruin. There's just one catch: Maia is one of twelve tailors vying for the job. Backstabbing and lies run rampant as the tailors compete in challenges to prove their artistry and skill. Maia's task is further complicated when she draws the attention of the court magician, Edan, whose piercing eyes seem to see straight through her disguise. And nothing could have prepared her for the final challenge: to sew three magic gowns for the emperor's reluctant bride-to-be, from the laughter of the sun, the tears of the moon, and the blood of stars. With this impossible task before her, she embarks on a journey to the far reaches of the kingdom, seeking the sun, the moon, and the stars, and finding more than she ever could have imagined.

Charms → Read a book that has a white cover.

The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

It is freezing in the churchyard, even before the dead arrive. Every year, Blue Sargent stands next to her clairvoyant mother as the soon-to-be dead walk past. Blue herself never sees them—not until this year, when a boy emerges from the dark and speaks directly to her. His name is Gansey, and Blue soon discovers that he is a rich student at Aglionby, the local private school. Blue has a policy of staying away from Aglionby boys. Known as Raven Boys, they can only mean trouble. But Blue is drawn to Gansey, in a way she can’t entirely explain. He has it all—family money, good looks, devoted friends—but he’s looking for much more than that. He is on a quest that has encompassed three other Raven Boys: Adam, the scholarship student who resents all the privilege around him; Ronan, the fierce soul who ranges from anger to despair; and Noah, the taciturn watcher of the four, who notices many things but says very little. For as long as she can remember, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she’s not so sure anymore.

Defense Against the Dark Arts → Read a book set at the sea or on the coast.

Seafire by Natalie C. Parker

After her family is killed by corrupt warlord Aric Athair and his bloodthirsty army of Bullets, Caledonia Styx is left to chart her own course on the dangerous and deadly seas. She captains her ship, the Mors Navis, with a crew of girls and women just like her, who have lost their families and homes because of Aric and his men. The crew has one mission: stay alive, and take down Aric's armed and armored fleet. But when Caledonia's best friend and second-in-command barely survives an attack thanks to help from a Bullet looking to defect, Caledonia finds herself questioning whether to let him join their crew. Is this boy the key to taking down Aric Athair once and for all . . . or will he threaten everything the women of the Mors Navis have worked for?

Divination → Assign numbers to your TBR List, and use a generator to pick the book.

All the Stars and Teeth by Adalyn Grace

Set in a kingdom where danger lurks beneath the sea, mermaids seek vengeance with song, and magic is a choice. She will reign. As princess of the island kingdom Visidia, Amora Montara has spent her entire life training to be High Animancer—the master of souls. The rest of the realm can choose their magic, but for Amora, it’s never been a choice. To secure her place as heir to the throne, she must prove her mastery of the monarchy’s dangerous soul magic. When her demonstration goes awry, Amora is forced to flee. She strikes a deal with Bastian, a mysterious pirate: he’ll help her prove she’s fit to rule, if she’ll help him reclaim his stolen magic. But sailing the kingdom holds more wonder—and more peril—than Amora anticipated. A destructive new magic is on the rise, and if Amora is to conquer it, she’ll need to face legendary monsters, cross paths with vengeful mermaids, and deal with a stow-away she never expected… or risk the fate of Visidia and lose the crown forever. I am the right choice. The only choice. And I will protect my kingdom.

Herbology → Read a book where title starts with an m.

Mirage by Somaiya Daud

In a star system dominated by the brutal Vathek empire, eighteen-year-old Amani is a dreamer. She dreams of what life was like before the occupation; she dreams of writing poetry like the old-world poems she adores; she dreams of receiving a sign from Dihya that one day, she, too, will have adventure, and travel beyond her isolated moon. But when adventure comes for Amani, it is not what she expects: she is kidnapped by the regime and taken in secret to the royal palace, where she discovers that she is nearly identical to the cruel half-Vathek Princess Maram. The princess is so hated by her conquered people that she requires a body double, someone to appear in public as Maram, ready to die in her place. As Amani is forced into her new role, she can’t help but enjoy the palace’s beauty—and her time with the princess’ fiancé, Idris. But the glitter of the royal court belies a world of violence and fear. If Amani ever wishes to see her family again, she must play the princess to perfection...because one wrong move could lead to her death.

History of Magic → Read a book featuring witches and/or wizards

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by JK Rowling

Harry Potter's life is miserable. His parents are dead and he's stuck with his heartless relatives, who force him to live in a tiny closet under the stairs. But his fortune changes when he receives a letter that tells him the truth about himself: he's a wizard. A mysterious visitor rescues him from his relatives and takes him to his new home, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After a lifetime of bottling up his magical powers, Harry finally feels like a normal kid. But even within the Wizarding community, he is special. He is the boy who lived: the only person to have ever survived a killing curse inflicted by the evil Lord Voldemort, who launched a brutal takeover of the Wizarding world, only to vanish after failing to kill Harry. Though Harry's first year at Hogwarts is the best of his life, not everything is perfect. There is a dangerous secret object hidden within the castle walls, and Harry believes it's his responsibility to prevent it from falling into evil hands. But doing so will bring him into contact with forces more terrifying than he ever could have imagined. Full of sympathetic characters, wildly imaginative situations, and countless exciting details, the first installment in the series assembles an unforgettable magical world and sets the stage for many high-stakes adventures to come.

Muggle Studies → Read a contemporary book.

Of Curses and Kisses by Sandhya Menon

Will the princess save the beast? For Princess Jaya Rao, nothing is more important than family. When the loathsome Emerson clan steps up their centuries-old feud to target Jaya’s little sister, nothing will keep Jaya from exacting her revenge. Then Jaya finds out she’ll be attending the same elite boarding school as Grey Emerson, and it feels like the opportunity of a lifetime. She knows what she must do: Make Grey fall in love with her and break his heart. But much to Jaya’s annoyance, Grey’s brooding demeanor and lupine blue eyes have drawn her in. There’s simply no way she and her sworn enemy could find their fairy-tale ending…right? His Lordship Grey Emerson is a misanthrope. Thanks to an ancient curse by a Rao matriarch, Grey knows he’s doomed once he turns eighteen. Sequestered away in the mountains at St. Rosetta’s International Academy, he’s lived an isolated existence—until Jaya Rao bursts into his life, but he can't shake the feeling that she’s hiding something. Something that might just have to do with the rose-shaped ruby pendant around her neck… As the stars conspire to keep them apart, Jaya and Grey grapple with questions of love, loyalty, and whether it’s possible to write your own happy ending.

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Red As Blood And White As Bone by Theodora Goss

Red as Blood and White as Bone by Theodora Goss is a dark fantasy about a kitchen girl obsessed with fairy tales, who upon discovering a ragged woman outside the castle during a storm, takes her in--certain she’s a princess in disguise.

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Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce

Young Daine's knack with horses gets her a job helping the royal horsemistress drive a herd of ponies to Tortall. Soon it becomes clear that Daine's talent, as much as she struggles to hide it, is downright magical. Horses and other animals not only obey, but listen to her words. Daine, though, will have to learn to trust humans before she can come to terms with her powers, her past, and herself.

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starrystarrybabe · 6 years ago

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Oh, How the Mighty Fall [In Love] CHAPTER FOUR (OC x Ben Hardy)

CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE

Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.

DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write.

Hello, everyone! Welcome to the fourth installment of Oh, How the Mighty Fall! It’s been amazing writing this, and it’s the first slow burn I’ve ever written, so it is quite the exercise in patience to not give away all the good stuff right away. @borhap-socials has been kind enough to make fake instagram posts for the first two chapters of this piece, and if you would like to see them, I’m going to keep asking her to make them for the chapters. if you would like to make some of your own, my inbox is always open to content relating to this fic! send asks about it if you’d like, and i will answer them. i love when y’all let me know how much you like this fic, and it warms my heart to see the warm reception it is getting. i have so much more planned for this fic, so buckle up, because this will be one long ride.

-- casey

TRIGGERS: none. enjoy!

“Cut!” the director yells, and the scene breaks. “Great job, guys. That was the last take we needed for today, so go to hair and makeup to get out of your costumes. Have a great weekend.”

The boys say goodbye to the director before leaving set and going to the hair and makeup trailer. They sit down and let the crew take care of them, helping them out of their wigs and makeup.

Gwil looks down as he sees a text come in, and upon reading it, his face falls. Rami looks over at him, concerned at the reaction.

“What is it, Gwil?” Rami asks, turning to face his friend. “You look upset. Did something bad happen?”

Joe turns to his friends and Ben takes out his headphones, leaning over to see what’s going on.

Gwil clears his throat, shaking his head. “It’s my girlfriend-- well, ex-girlfriend now, I guess. She just broke up with me over text.”

Rami places a hand on Gwil’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, Gwil, that’s absolutely horrible.”

Ben nods. “Yeah. The fact that it’s over text is even worse. I’m so sorry, mate.”

Joe looks over at Gwil and frowns. “How long were you two together, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Gwil looks to Joe as his wig is removed and sighs. “Almost a year. I didn’t expect the relationship to last filming, and I’m not mad about her breaking things off because my schedule is too hectic for me to give a proper amount of attention to her, but…” he pauses, shaking his head in confusion. “Isn’t it sort of juvenile to end the relationship through a text message?”

Joe scoffs, nodding. “Of course it is! You don’t just end a long-ish term relationship like that! You should at least call them to let them know.”

Rami and Ben nod, and the cast falls into silence, contemplating what to do to make this situation even a little bit better.

Gwil speaks up after about ten minutes. “I’m going to call her later and wish her good luck on her new job, and a good life. She deserves it.”

Rami smiles at Gwil and playfully punches his arm. “You’ll find someone else, Gwil. You’re a catch!”

Gwil smiles and laughs weakly, looking over at Rami. “You’re too nice, Rami. You don’t have to do this to try and make me feel better, but I appreciate the intentions behind your actions.”

Rami shakes his head, scoffing. “Are you kidding me? I’m not doing this just to make you feel better. It’s true!”

Joe grins, and joins in. “You’re handsome, talented, smart, and caring. That’s a package deal if you ask me.”

Gwil is turning red, laughing. “You’re both being too kind. Really, it’s thoughtful of you to try and make me feel better this way, but I can’t possibly be as good as you say I am.”

Ben shakes his head, smiling. “I disagree, mate. A girl just broke up with you over text and you still decided to call her and wish her good luck. Only a genuinely good person will do that even though they got hurt.”

Gwil smiles and laughs quietly to himself, shaking his head. “You’re all too good to me.”

Rami grins and stands up from his chair, embracing Gwil. “We love you and you deserve it, that’s why.”

Gwil smiles, patting Rami’s arm affectionately. “I appreciate it, Rami.”

Joe comes around, joining the hug with a grin. “We appreciate you, Gwil.”

Ben grins and joins the group hug. “You’re the best, mate.”

That night, Lily Anne is running around the house, making sure that the bedrooms are clean for her guests, the rooms downstairs are clean and tidy, and the Indian food she’s making is enough for all the people coming over. She’s taking out a serving dish when she hears Ezichi come through the back door.

“Is that Jer’s famous curry I smell?” she asks, coming into the kitchen.

“Yes! Don’t touch it or I’ll kill you!” Lily Anne calls out from the next room over, getting the serving dish.

“I won’t, I swear! Calm down, Lily.”

Lily Anne walks into the room and sees Ezichi with her hands in the air in surrender, and she places the dish on the kitchen island.

Ezichi walks over to her friend and wipes some sauce off her face with her thumb and spit, and the girl wrinkles her nose and swats the taller woman’s hand away.

“You know that I hate when you do that, Ezichi! You’re not my mum,” Lily Anne complains, walking over and turning off the stove.

“You’re getting stressed, Lily. I’m trying to help,” Ezichi says, sighing tiredly. “What can I do?”

Lily Anne transfers the curry to the dish and puts the pot down, huffing tiredly. “Did you bring the salad?”

Ezichi nods, pointing to a Tupperware she has on the same kitchen island as the one the curry is on. “It’s right next to the curry.”

Lily Anne nods and begins to leave the room before Ezichi holds her arm, stopping her. The smaller woman looks up at her friend, clearly stressed out.

“Let me get the bowl for the salad. Do you want me to use the wooden one or the ceramic one?” she asks, calming her friend down.

Lily Anne sighs and looks down, closing her eyes. “Ceramic is bigger. I think it’s on--”

“The top shelf to the left. I know. I’ll get it,” Ezichi responds, moving to get the task done.

Lily Anne sits at the kitchen island, laying her head on the cool marble and closing her eyes. Ezichi comes into the room and begins transferring the salad, looking down at her friend.

“When did you last sleep?”

“...yesterday.”

Ezichi takes in a sharp breath of annoyance. “When did you last smoke?”

Lily Anne doesn’t bother to lift her head, huffing and slumping further onto the island. “...today.”

Ezichi shakes her head and groans, putting down the salad. “You were doing so well, Lily! You went for two weeks without smoking! I thought you were almost committed to quitting!”

Lily Anne lifts her head, resting her chin on the table. She looks like a hurt puppy.

“I tried. It was too hard,” she explains, looking miserably at her friend, who furiously tosses a salad.

“The nicotine patches didn’t work?” Ezichi asks.

Lily Anne shakes her head. “Nope. Not at all. I went through a whole box and it did nothing.”

Ezichi sighs, putting the salad aside after tossing it. “You go take a nap. You need it. I’ll finish preparations, alright?”

Lily Anne is going to protest, but Ezichi gives her a hard look that says ‘That was an order, not a suggestion,’ and she groans, shuffling out of the kitchen.

“Wake me up at least an hour before the cast gets here,” Lily Anne calls out.

“Sure thing! Just get some sleep now, alright?” Ezichi responds.

She hears Lily Anne muttering affirmatively as she plods up the staircase, and begins to put the food out in the dining room before starting to boil water for pasta.

Bronwyn and Madigan get to the house shortly afterward and help Ezichi cook the fish, listening to music as they work. Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones has just come on, and the bassist lights up with a horrible idea.

“Should I try the voice crack in this song?” Bronwyn asks, grinning like an idiot.

Madigan glares at her wife, shaking her head. “How many times have I told you that you can’t replicate the voice crack, B?”

Bronwyn grins at her wife toothily. “I can’t believe you just challenged me to attempt that voice crack.” She leans in closer to the shorter woman, smirking. “If I hurt my voice, you’ll have to listen to more of my morning voice, and you’d hate that,” she says, winking.

Madigan loves her wife’s morning voice. It’s low, and gravely, and just… so indescribably hot that she can’t help but blush. The tall Welsh woman knows exactly what she’s doing to her.

Madigan presses her lips into a thin line, closing her eyes. “I can think of no worse punishment.”

Bronwyn kisses her wife’s cheek, smirking. “Challenge accepted, love.”

Ezichi lets out a noise of disgust at the scene, and Bronwyn feigns shock.

“I never knew you hated the gays, Zichi!” she exclaims, putting a hand on her chest.

Madigan snorts and hugs her wife’s midsection, cuddling into her dramatically. “I’m so offended. This is homophobia at its finest. Protect me from the hate, my wife.”

Bronwyn embraces her wife and hoists her up so that her thighs are wrapped around her waist. “We shall fight the hatred of the cursed straight one with our love, my darling. Kiss me and join the revolution.”

The pair kisses, laughing through it.

Ezichi rolls her eyes. “You’re both insufferable lesbians.”

When the cast arrives, Lily Anne greets everyone with a hug, and gasps when she sees Ben walk inside with a dog carrier. She grins and walks over, hands on her cheeks.

“Is this the famous Frankie I’ve heard so much about?” she asks, smiling.

He nods, grinning. “I figured it was about time you met her. She’s very excited to be in a new environment.”

She smiles and helps him open the carrier, grinning when the dog begins licking her furiously. She lifts up the adorable girl and holds her against her chest, laughing.

“Hello, Frankie! Hello, sweet girl! You’re so cute, my darling!” Lily Anne coos, smiling. “Your daddy should’ve brought you here sooner, lovie.” She turns to look accusingly at Ben, and Frankie does the same.

Ben opens his mouth, becoming defensive. “Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t know if she’d get along with Reykja and I didn’t want her to ruin anything in your house!”

Lily Anne looks at Frankie and scratches behind her floppy ears. “Does that sound weak to you too, baby girl?” The dog barks and licks her, and she nods. “I’m glad we agree.”

Ben laughs, and Reykja runs into the room just as Frankie is put down. The dogs begin to sniff each other before running off to play with a squeaky toy Lily Anne throws.

“I’ve never seen her look so mad at me,” Ben says, smiling.

Lily Anne smiles, shrugging. “I was kidding, but she seemed to take me very seriously.”

The pair walk into the living room, where the band and the cast is catching up. Joe and Lucy are laughing with Bronwyn and Madigan over something, but Gwil and Ezichi sit together in a corner, looking much more somber.

Gwil looks pretty sad for some reason, and this causes Lily to frown. She looks up at Ben.

“Gwil looks sad. Did something happen to him?” she asks.

Ben looks down and frowns, nodding. “His girlfriend broke up with him today.”

Lily Anne pouts, putting a hand on her chest. “Oh, no! How’s he doing?”

Ben sighs, looking at Gwil. “He’s sad, but he saw it coming. It wasn’t a surprise, and he gets why it happened. He just didn’t expect it to happen over text.”

Lily gasps, and her eyes widen. “Over text? They were together for almost a year! That’s bollocks!”

Ben nods furiously, agreeing with her. “That’s what I said! But he still called her and wished her good luck on her new job and a nice life despite it all.”

She shakes her head. “He was too good for her. He deserves the best, and we all know it.”

Ben looks over at Ezichi, who squeezes Gwil’s hand. Lily Anne notices this and raises her brow with a grin, looking up at Ben.

“I give it at least a week after the tour ends before they get together,” Lily says.

Ben grins back at her. “Who’ll make the first move?”

Lily purses her lips in thought. “Hmm… I’m not sure. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

Ezichi says hi to Ben, Joe, Rami, and Lucy, but frowns when she sees Gwil looking down. She walks over and puts a hand on his arm, looking up at him. He looks down at her and smiles.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you, Zichi,” he apologizes, giving her a hug.

She reciprocates and frowns when she pulls away. “It’s alright. You look pretty down. Is there something wrong, Gwil?”

Gwil nods, looking away from her. “My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Ezichi hates that her first thought is, ‘Now’s my chance!’. She feels so bad for him, but also, will totally seize the opportunity to date him once the time is right.

“I’m so sorry, Gwil! That’s horrible. Can I help you out somehow?” she asks, putting a hand on her chest.

He smiles sadly at her. “Your company is enough, Ezichi. I’ll be fine.”

She nods, smiling up at him. “Want to sit in the corner and just talk?”

He pauses, considering, and nods. The pair sits down at the table in the corner of the room, and Ezichi squeezes his hand. He squeezes hers back, and the warmth that radiates from his eyes toward her make her heart melt.

“You know that I’m here for you, right?” she asks.

Gwil nods, smiling. “Of course. You’re a great person. You’ll always be there for your friends.”

Friends. That hurts just a little bit, but Ezichi is patient. She’ll wait until Gwil is ready to be more than just her friend.

She shrugs. “If you’re not there for your friends, you end up feeling guilty when they suffer alone.”

A pang of residual guilt hits her, and she looks down, sighing. She blinks away tears, squeezing her eyes shut.

Gwil looks at her and frowns. “I’m guessing you know from experience.”

She presses her lips together and nods. “Can we move to another room to discuss this?”

He nods, and together they go to the next room down the hall, where a collection of artwork is displayed. They sit on the couch in front of the fireplace and Ezichi wipes her eyes.

Gwil holds her hand, and she looks down. “I-I just… even though it’s been years, I’ve always felt bad that I wasn’t there for Lily Anne when she overdosed the first. She still tells me not to feel bad, but seeing her in a hospital bed--” she gets choked up. “--with an IV in her arm, and looking like…” She can’t finish her sentence, and Gwil wraps an arm around her as she cries.

“Some things you just can’t forget,” he says gently, rubbing her back.

She nods, sniffling. “From that day on, I swore that I would never abandon her or anyone else ever again.” She lets out a small laugh. “I know that this is a breakup and not an overdose, but still, it just…”

Gwil smiles at her. “I get it. When Lily told us what she’d gone through, I couldn’t help but think about how bad it must’ve been to watch her suffer and struggle like that. Especially since you all care so much about her. You saw me struggling, and needed to help. I understand why, and I admire you for your dedication to people you care about.”

Ezichi blushes and looks down. “That has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. That came off the top of your head?”

Gwil laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, it did.”

Ezichi looks up at the man sitting next to her in a comfortable silence. He looks back at her fondly, and she could swear that she feels them getting closer and closer…

They’re cut off by Bronwyn knocking on the doorway and asking if they’d like to take shots before eating dinner.

The pair stands up and nods, and after Bronwyn leaves, Ezichi smiles at Gwil.

“Let me know if you need anything at all.”

That night, Lily Anne laughs her ass off. She had bought Guitar Hero, and of course, the boys chose to do Bohemian Rhapsody. Since they were already drunk by the time they played, it was a mess.

Rami is stumbling over the lyrics, and at one point the drumming is so intense that one of the drum pads fall off the stand, causing Ben to stare down at his hands in horror. This causes Joe to stumble over the bass part and curl up on the floor, and Gwil is the last one to tap out, falling onto the couch as Rami hugs him.

Lucy wipes away tears and helps Joe off the floor, giggling. Room 301 is tired from laughing so hard. When they perform it isn’t much better, and Madi causes two drum pads to fall off. Bronwyn smiles and puts down her bass to hug her wife, and Ezichi begins doing the number from the ground. Lily Anne is the only sober one and looks affectionately at her drunken bandmates, helping them up afterward.

Bronwyn and Madigan fall asleep in the next room over shortly afterward and Lily Anne covers them with blankets, tucking them in. Soon after that, Rami, Lucy, and Joe decide to go to bed, and the remaining friends watch shitty soap operas on the T.V. until Gwil and Ezichi go off to bed.

Lily Anne sighs and leans back on the couch, looking dejected. Ben notices and sits up, frowning.

“What’s going on, Lil?” he asks.

She waves dismissively, shaking her head. “It’s nothing.”

Ben narrows his eyes and presses his lips together, unconvinced. He has seen her tired before, and she ended up falling asleep in his trailer. But before she passed out, she wasn’t this distraught looking. No, this has to be something more.

With a huff, she meets his eyes and groans. “Fine, it’s not nothing. I’ll tell you.” She rubs her tired eyes, shaking her head. “I had tried to quit smoking two weeks ago, but today I broke. I’m just really frustrated because I was doing so well, but I fucked up and gave in to the temptation.”

Ben nods, pursing his lips. He knows the feeling she’s talking about. “How many times have you tried to quit?”

She groans. “More than I can count. I always fail, no matter what I try.”

He looks over at her, sighing. “It’s really hard. I’ve tried to quit at least 10 times, but it never works. I think it’s because I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable.”

She considers his statement, biting her lip. “I’ve never considered that as a reason why I couldn’t quit, but now that you say it… maybe that’s why. Everything is easier with multiple people involved. That’s why bands exist.”

He stays quiet for a moment, considering a possible solution to their problem. He comes up with an idea and nods, taking out his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket.

“Let’s test that out, then,” he says, standing up.

Lily Anne looks up at him from the couch. “Huh?”

He shrugs. “Take out your pack of cigarettes. If we try to quit together, then maybe it will stick. We’ll hold each other accountable.”

She nods, slowly pulling out her pack of Marlboros and standing up. “If I break it, I’ll feel bad that I betrayed your trust.”

“Which is why you won’t break it,” he says, bringing over a garbage can from the corner.

He places it in between them and tosses his pack of cigarettes into the can before looking to Lily Anne to do the same. She does, and in that moment, her Papa’s urn goes flying across the room.

“I’ll knock over your Papa’s ashes when we find the man for you.”

She goes wide-eyed and watches as the glass vial of the last ashes lands in an armchair. The porcelain shards cover the floor, and she looks up at Ben, in shock.

Oh god.

He’s absolutely perfect.

She loves this man.

“...Lily? Lily!” Ben shakes her shoulders, kneeling down to be at eye level with her crouched form.

She blinks, looking at him. “Huh? I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was just…”

‘...realizing how hard I’ve fallen for you.’

He nods. “In shock.”

‘Sure. Let’s go with that.’

She nods, shaking. “Yeah. I didn’t expect that to happen.”

He nods and squeezes her shoulders. “I’m going to get some sage, alright? If you feel stable enough, you should pick up the vial of the ashes and put it on the shelf, okay?”

She nods, and as he leaves, she sits on the couch, her hands over her mouth. She can feel the picture of Jim and Freddie looking at her, and shakes her head.

“Oh my god,” she mutters, putting her head in her hands.

Ben comes in and sits next to her, putting one hand on her shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

She looks over at him, and her eyes light up in a way he’s never seen before. She’s completely open, vulnerable, and looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

“I’ll be okay,” she says, smiling. “I’m just a little shaken up by that.”

He nods, smiling back at her. “Good. I’ll handle the shards, but I’d really rather you take the ashes.” He laughs nervously. “I’m not sure I want to touch those.”

She nods, squeezing his hand. “I understand. Thank you for cleaning up. I’ll join you, I just need a minute.”

He nods and stands up to get the broom.

She looks at him as he leaves with the same exact look as before, sighing.

Lily Anne scribbles in her moleskin notebook, making up lyrics for a new song. The movement of the tour bus becomes disruptive to her sleep at times, so instead of trying to doze off, she makes the most of the time and writes songs about a certain blonde she’s been missing for months.

The band has been traveling for two months now, and there’s a month left on their tour. Lily wants nothing more than to go home and be with her BoRhap family, but she has money to make and fans to please.

Lily Anne contacts Ben every night, checking in to see that they’re both sticking to their commitment to not smoke. So far, they’re going strong. The band has a whiteboard up that they fill in every night with the number of days Lily Anne has been smoke-free. Ezichi smiles, watching the numbers grow with a warm heart.

Lily Anne is quietly strumming chords on her acoustic guitar and humming the melody to her song, and she writes down the chords, brainstorming the sound of the song in her head. It is all coming together, and her song is basically just her professing her love for Ben. It’s not good how badly she’s pining, but she can’t say that Ezichi is doing much better with her feelings for Gwil.

The two of them have discussed that they’ve both fallen head over heels in love with these two men and expressed their emotions to Bron and Madi, who watch their friends yearn over the two men. They know that eventually, it will all come to fruition, but for now, they must wait.

Ezichi opens up Lily’s bedroom door, and walks inside in her pajamas, closing the door quietly behind her. She walks over to the bed, sitting next to her friend.

“What’s going on, Zichi?” Lily Anne asks, putting down the notebook and the guitar.

Ezichi looks tiredly ahead of her, leaning back on the bed and reclining against the mountain of pillows Lily has around her. “I hate love.”

“Too busy thinking about Gwil to sleep?” she asks, looking down at her friend.

Ezichi nods, closing her eyes. “I’ve never fallen so fast or so hard for anyone ever, Lily. You know that.”

Lily nods, leaning back next to Ezichi. “I know. But it’s one more month, and then you can see him again.”

Ezichi groans. “I just… I hate pining, but I can’t help it. I’ve listened to Leather and Lace so many times on repeat.”

Lily turns to look at Ezichi, frowning. “Leather and Lace? That’s even worse than what I’ve been listening to.”

Ezichi looks at her friend. “What have you been listening to?”

Lily places a hand on Ezichi’s, squeezing it. “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around.”

Ezichi cringes, and Lily Anne nods.

“Lily.” Her voice is tainted with disbelief.

“Mhm.” Lily Anne nods, pressing her lips together.

Ezichi curses in Nigerian and looks back up at the ceiling. The pair sit in silence, taking in everything that’s just happened.

“I wrote a song,” Lily says, breaking the silence.

Ezichi holds out her hand for the notebook, and when Lily doesn’t immediately hand it to her, she looks over to see her friend beet red.

“What is it, Lily?” Ezichi asks.

She exhales deeply and turns to face her friend, cringing. “It’s really bad.”

Ezichi rolls her eyes. “You write good stuff, don’t say that.”

She shakes her head, laughing nervously. “No, no, no! It’s just really… I’ve never written something so piney in my life.”

Ezichi sighs. “Let me read it. I won’t judge.”

Lily Anne slowly reaches for the moleskin and clutches it, but hesitates and drops her arm. “I don’t think I should.”

Ezichi sits up, looking down at her friend. “Lily Anne Mercury, I have listened to you talk about how you can barely watch old footage of Queen because of how prominent the mooseknuckles are while you were on anesthesia. I still didn’t judge you.”

Lily Anne waves her hands around, fumbling with words. “I-- You-- That’s no fair, they’re very prominent and you know it!”

Ezichi shushes her, since Bronwyn and Madigan are asleep, and holds out her hand. Sighing in defeat, Lily Anne hands over the moleskin. Ezichi begins to read, and nods along, liking what she’s seeing.

They say everything seems to come in threes

You’re the third angel that’s come to me

My life’s been a long and lonely ride

It’s gotten so much better with you by my side

I’m not good at saying how I feel

But I know we could have something good, something real

You’re the best man I’ve been blessed to know

Accompanied me on my late night smokes

Oh, you’re further away than I would like

Run through my mind on the long, late nights

And from the back of this tour bus I write

Knowing I’ll keep yearning till you hold me tight

I know this is something that would be high stakes

I’m terrified that I could make a mistake

But then I think about the lovely smile

And know I want your love for a good long while

Feel free to say no, I’d understand

I’m too much for many a man

Wouldn’t be the first time my heart would break

But I’ve got a feeling I’ve got baggage you could take

I just want to know what you think

Until then I won’t sleep a wink

Oh, you’re further away than I would like

Run through my mind on the long, late nights

And from the back of this tour bus I write

Knowing I’ll keep yearning till you hold me tight

Ezichi looks over at Lily Anne, who’s looking at the ceiling with a pained look. The girl slowly turns to face her friend, biting her lip.

“Pass me the guitar,” Ezichi says, smiling.

Lily Anne does as she says, and listens to the chords Ezichi plucks out, nodding when she likes what she hears. Pretty soon the basic chord structure is done, and Lily Anne begins humming along to the music. She turns on her recording app on her phone and holds it in between them. Ezichi plays slowly as Lily Anne crafts the melody, becoming something folksy and raw, but still soft and gentle. Pretty soon she’s humming a harmony, and the pair smile when they finish the song twice over, and Lily stops the recording.

Lily Anne looks up at her friend. “Does it sound good?”

Ezichi nods, closing her eyes. “It’s perfect.”

At their next concert, they perform the song, which has yet to be named, and the video goes viral with the speculation of who Lily might be singing about.

Ben bites his lip after watching the video for the fifth time in a row, and scratches Frankie’s head as he processes what he’s just heard.

Does Lily Anne like him?

No, no. That sounds wrong. It’s not just some childish, temporary emotions they’re dealing with here. It’s so much deeper than that. He revises the question.

Does Lily Anne love him?

He shakes his head in confusion and puts down his phone, and Frankie nudges his hand with her wet nose. He looks down, and meets her big eyes, scratching behind both of her ears.

“What do you think, Frankie? Was that song for me?” he asks, and the dog blinks up at him, licking his wrist.

“That line about late night smokes seemed pointed, but I can’t be sure,” he continues, voicing his confusion. “Also, the third angel one is interesting, because she only had two near death experiences as far as I know, but she could have not told me everything. That’s possible, right?”

The dog looks up at him skeptically, as if to say, “Not likely, idiot.”

He shakes his head, frowning. “That’s unlikely, though. When she opened up, she probably would’ve told me everything.”

Frankie jumps off the couch, walking over to the kitchen.

“Nice conversation, Frankie,” he mutters, leaning back on the pillows.

He thinks for a moment, and picks up his phone, calling Joe and putting him on speaker. After a few rings, his friend answers.

“Hey, Ben,” Joe says, sounding exhausted.

“Hey, mate. How are you?” he continues, trying to find a normal way to breach the topic at hand.

“Good, good. Just feeling like I’m in college again, sleeping on Gwil’s couch,” he says, laughing. “You sound worried about something. Is anything wrong, Ben?”

Ben takes a moment before taking a deep breath. “I have a question,” he says.

“Alright. What is it?” Joe asks.

“So I watched the video of Room 301 that just went viral--”

“Did you like it?” Joe asks, becoming excited. “I thought it was really good.”

“Yeah of course! I loved it! They’re so talented. I can’t wait for them to come back so we can hang out and catch up with them,” Ben says, smiling.

“Me too. I miss them,” Joe says, sighing. “But I have a feeling this isn’t just you asking my opinion on the band. You know I love them.”

Ben stalls for a moment. “It’s sort of about the band? Specifically, Lily Anne.”

Joe is silent before beginning to speak, trying not to sound too excited. “What about her?”

Ben leans back before closing his eyes, trying to keep his composure. “Do you think the song is about me?”

Joe scoffs, and audibly groans. “Is this the first time you’ve thought that maybe Lily Anne has a crush on you?”

Ben tries to form words, but nothing is coming out.

Joe clears his throat and regains his composure. “Okay. Let me ask you this: do you like Lily Anne?”

Ben lets out a sigh, laying down on the couch. “I’ve been thinking about it and yeah… I think I do? I really don’t know how I feel.”

Joe lets out an affirmative noise, taking in the information. “Alright. Okay. On a scale from one to ten, how certain are you that you like Lily Anne?”

Ben covers his eyes with his hand. “I can’t… Joe. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me mate, I don’t know how to respond to that after what I just said!”

Joe splutters in anger and frustration before taking a deep breath. “Let’s try something different.” He thinks for a moment. “Tell me about Lily Anne.”

Ben is confused and sits up on the couch. “Huh?”

Joe groans before sighing. “Just tell me about Lily Anne. What you like about her, what’s so special about her, moments where you’ve been in awe of her.”

Ben perks up, beginning to walk around the apartment. “I mean… she’s got to be the strongest person I’ve ever met. She walks around and carries herself so confidently, and from the outside, you’d never suspect how much loss she’s experienced, but bloody hell, she’s gone through hell and back. She’s overdosed two times! She lost Freddie before she even got the chance to really know him, and even though a bunch of people helped keep his memory alive for her, it doesn’t replace having him there, you know? Jim died right in front of her as well, and that’s got to leave some deep emotional scars. The amount of criticism from the press she faces is insane because of her legacy, and she’s never quite fit in anywhere because of her parents and her mixed race.”

He’s getting animated, and Frankie opens one eye, watching him from her dog bed.

“All that, and she still presents such a strong, positive stage persona. When we went to that concert at the bar, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. If I didn’t know her, I wouldn’t have known how much she’s gone through, and how hurt she’s been. Really, it was amazing to see her just let the music take control and do what feels completely natural. It was so good. Musically, she’s a natural talent. Her voice is stunning, she’s incredible at the drums and guitar, and the songs she writes are so raw and real and incredible. I’m one hundred percent certain that she could write the next Bohemian Rhapsody, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend. I really mean it.”

Joe is still listening from the other end of the line and Ben can almost hear his smile. “I have a feeling there’s more coming.”

Ben grins, nodding. “She’s also so incredibly humble. She never wants to draw the attention to herself, but let’s be honest with ourselves, she deserves it. She doesn’t have an ego, and she’s not content relying on her father’s money, even though she could. She has an incredible work ethic, and pours her heart and soul into producing quality music for her fans. She’s so generous, and cares so much about other people. On the weekends she visits children’s hospitals and animal shelters, for god sake! If she just cared about the money she wouldn’t donate nearly as much of it or interact with people if it wasn’t mandatory. She deserves the world, Joe.”

Joe is biting back a smile as he asks, “If she asked you to give it to her, would you?”

Ben scoffs. “That’s a bloody stupid question. Of course I would!”

Wait, what? Did that actually just come out of his mouth?

He sits down in a chair, almost shaking.

Joe sounds content when he says, “I bet that she feels the same exact way about you, Ben.”

Ben takes a deep breath and blinks, still slightly in shock. “That sounds too good to be true.”

Joe lets out a little laugh. “Listen to the song. I’m pretty sure she’s thinking the same thing.”

When Ben ends the call after saying goodnight to Joe, he looks over at Frankie, who chews a toy Lily Anne gave her for her birthday.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Frankie lets out a huff of air and closes her eyes, relaxing in her bed.

TAGLIST: @andtheytoldustotellyouhello @plethora-of-things @borhap-socials @everybodyplaythegame @i-the-fangirl @deakydeakydeaky @shisterfackisback @samanthadegaro @lv7867 @fatbottomedcurls @hystericallyqueen @haisimsim @peterparkeroos @teenwolflover28 @ixchel-9275 @alessandra-elle @onexlittlespark @queenficarchive @leah-halliwell92 @rrrogah-tayluhh @maddistudiess

#starry writes #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #joe mazzello #gwilym lee #rami malek #lucy boynton #bohemian rhapsody movie

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years ago

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Episode 7 - “I wonder why you're not liked” - Nicole (& Ben)

Glad I sat out on that one - really didn't know anything Survivor related. Darcy's score of 12 is a huge shame, but gives me incentive to vote him out. He tried, he flopped, that's how it is. If it's me going this round, GGWP.

Oh yeah! So, Nicole returned to the game.... Grrreat. It was probably the worst outcome I could have, but honestly, I don't want to dwell on it too long. With Nicole and Jacob both back in the game and Juls out of it, my fate looks worse and worse each day, as my list of allies continues to shorten and my list of enemies only gets longer. I feel very scared for the future, and rather trapped as of now, trapped between millions of possibilities, none of which have me doing very well. But hey, hasn't that been how it's been since Day 1 of this game? I started things off on Sonkei, a tribe so quiet I couldn't tell if I was running the show or on the bottom of everything until like 3 tribal councils in. A tribe where every new enemy I made would come back from the arena with a vengeance, and things only got harder. A tribe where I consistently lost challenges despite putting in my all. Then I got to nuMIraitowa, and my time here has been incredibly hectic. A bumpy road, to say the least. It's been a journey of gaining friends and then losing them, knowing people are lying but not knowing why, and just struggling to find the tiniest crack so I can get off the fucking bottom and just... SURVIVE. It's really been tough out here, and you can see the game starting to wear me down. My insanity is starting to come through in the main chats and honestly I've just lost all patience and tolerance that I had at the beginning of the game, the real me is beginning to show through. The one who lashes out, and desperately tugs at every heartstring possible, and says exactly what he's thinking without giving a fuck who's listening or the repercussions it might have down the line. Who makes everything public. I KNOW that these things are not typically good for my game, and yet, I just find myself so inclined to do them. Even though they've never helped me win anything, I can't help but be true to myself. I don't know, I guess I just feel frustrated. I'm at a place in ORGs where I feel so helpless, like I'm the victim of my own personality. I know exactly what's holding me back but I can't seem to just get past it. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll play exactly true to myself, 100% me, and people will like that person enough to want to work with him or be happy to reward him a win. But it hasn't happened yet and I don't know if it can happen here anymore. I'm really struggling to push through. But, if there's one thing I'll never do, it's give up. Even when everything feels like it's caving in and I'm ready to just collapse, like I was saying earlier - no matter how much I want to do something, the real me ALWAYS fights back and does what it wants anyway. And the real me can't give up. Deep down in my core I always fight back, I always stand up for myself, sometimes even when I'm wrong. I just can't stand letting things go, and I know it's a character flaw, but hell, it's also a strength, and it's something I'm proud of, in a weird way. I don't want to be the player who gives in, never reveals anything, or plays it safe. I want to play it my way because if I don't, then how can I enjoy a win? How can I be proud of myself for winning if it wasn't ME that won? I have to win it my way, and sure, right now it looks difficult. VERY difficult. Maybe even impossible. But I'm approaching on the Final 16, and maybe, just maybe, a swap is on the horizon. Maybe new things are coming and maybe this entire game is about to reinvent itself for me. I've got allies in Jordan, Eve, Pete... potential allies in Caeleb, Ben, Sammy, Kevin... Maybe I could fix things with Emma. Honestly, who knows what's ahead. I'm very scared, partly, if that wasn't obvious by this big emotional confessional. But I'm also kind of exhilarated, this is exactly what Survivor is supposed to be and I can't wait for the next stage of the game. These are the Olympics, so it's go big or go home. Let's do this.

Hello again, this is Darcy here reporting with more confessing. So, for starters, I still have yet to find something at the Olympic Village, which is really nothing new at this point of the game. Now for the fun parts, my tribe lost Immunity, which not really surprising, since that kind of challenge I felt whoever had gold medal won that challenge. So, we get to enjoy another tribal, where I am hoping for it to be Ben, since Ben is the one I trust the least, due to hearing about Ben wanting to come for me last round if I lost immunity, assuming that was a true tidbit anyways. I have a feeling this vote could be between Ben and I, but here's to hoping Ben targets someone else and not me woo! I do have enough trust in my alliance with Beck, Tommy and Karen though that us four should hopefully stick together to just take out the common enemy in Ben. Then Ben may come back again with a gold medal, but if he does, I mean good for him.

I'm back, babes! Okay, so regarding my last confessional...I guess maybe I went a little too hard on some people. But, I was angry and validly so. Nothing much has changed even though I'm really good at faking forgiveness. About twenty minutes after I dropped in the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PRESSURE COOKER, Sammy messages me asking to call!

I'm back babes! So as soon as I got back after the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR ENDURANCE, people were all of the sudden really happy to see me -- which was a LOT different than 24 hours prior! I talked to my best ally Kevin first, of course! I really hope at the end of the game Kevin's confessionals aren't like "oh geez and then I had to talk to Nicole, she's so annoying" bc I will be crushed, as a person he is just so nice and I'm so happy we have been given the opportunity to become friends from this game! So I talk to Kevin, then Caeleb and then...whatta know! Sammy! Right to the rescue, he wants to call after 1) voting me out 2) revoting me out. Now, long story short I made significant peace with Sammy through the phone call BUT something did happen that really did not sit well with me. While we were calling he said he DIDN'T want to apologize because we both did things wrong. Hm. Well, Sammy! Okay! I would have had more respect and less wariness of him moving forward if he did apologize but, he didn't. He kind of said like "ok so i know i lied about the advantages I had in this game and gave you nothing to trust me off of, got mad when you didn't trust me, then decided I was going to vote with Eve to get rid of you, revoted to seal your fate and called you out on a tribal call like 'if anyone wants to apologize now would be the time', but i don't think I NEED to apologize because, we were equally wrong.' Someone please explain to ME how exactly it is that we would be equally wrong when everything I did was to protect myself, and everything he did was because he had other people he could trust over me. Now that Juls is gone and he kind of showed his ass, he's now saying hey haha let's work together again though! I haven't decided if I want to do that, AND now I have a lot more options because people saw how kick ass I could be :) Speaking of the comp, it kind of grinds my gears that coming back in the last few messages before I entered again were Emma and Landen actively rooting against me. Landen, I understand. Emma...who even are you? Why do you hate me? lmao. Okay I may still be a little bit mad. Ben also as I'm typing this messaged me "I wonder why you're not liked", which is like hurtful but accurate. Anyway....I'm making at LEAST f15 now (bc my gold medal) so that's very fun, A+ content. I think we are swapping after this THANK GOD bc I have to get AWAY from this tribe. I hope I get to stay with either Jacob or Kevin, and maybe even get swapped with Jordan Pines or Karen so I can feel some semblance of security. I'll make a confessional about it next round bc :) im back :) hehe

anyway so this ugly ass tribe lost again. The only good thing to happen over the last few days is that nicole is back ugh I wasn’t ready to lose on of my allies skdjfkdjfj anyway so juls is gone and it’s down to me tommy Darcy beck caeleb and Ben, 4/6 of us are in an alliance and then there’s cae and Ben sjdjjddnjd obvs Ben is the choice to vote but also like bc it’s so obvious I’m scared that he’ll know and play an idol /: scares me bc I’m not 100% sure who he’d vote and he’s shown that he’s willing to vote for me at any moment so I’m just debating whether I should throw a vote at caeleb just in case to tie it or if I should let one of my alliance members potentially get voted out. Best case scenario if Ben plays an idol is that he votes for beck bc I don’t trust that hoe at all wkendkdndndn but yeah I haven’t had time to really talk to Ben so it’s prob too late to probe into his plans. Ugh I hope this tribal is quick & painless /:

hello. confessional #472. i've survived another round so that's fun! i feel rly solid about the bonds i have with people right now so i know a tribe swap is incoming but that's for the best bc i'd rather not vote out anyone on yushu rn… so we'll see!

Really mad I got voted out, feeling pretty betrayed by my tribe rn.

I wish em didn't have to get voted out, but I'm pretty confident she'll fight tooth and nail to get back into the running..

Tribal just happened and we voted out Ben again in a unanimous vote. It was an easy vote I think either we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 at Final 15 or 16, but if it's Final 16 the Gold Medal winner will be exiled. If we don't swap I think Ben will win the Gold and Beck the silver medal so we have a good chance of winning immunity incase there's another round before we swap. I'm really just trying to maintain get close to Caeleb because he's probably still skeptical about the whole Juls vote which I'm happy she's out because she's a threat but on the other hand she was so sweet it was sad she had to leave early. At this point I'm trying to maintain good relationships going into a swap and hope I get a good tribe that's strong and will leave me in the majority going into the merge. Also, at this point once Emma or Ben is officially voted out we'll be down to 9 returnees and 7 newbies so I really don't care if some of these returnees start hitting the road and going home. It's gonna come down to who wants to take me to the end and that's who I'm with.

It's the end of the round, you know what that means? LAST MINUTE JORDAN PINES CONFESSIONAL TIME! It's america's favourite game show where Jordan Pines quickly makes a confessional at the last possible moment to not recieve a strike and tries to make his thoughts sound coherent. Let's Play! Whew this round was awful compared to every round so far in every aspect. First we get a challenge and I'm like... Oh Shit we can win this! and I work my ass of coordinating, doing most of the work for the tribe getting list ready in shit. And guess what it worked, we had the best scores over all and it wasn't very close... until you remember that each member of a tribe getting 20% on a challenge like this is basically a guaranteed win unless you are absolutely garbage. So we lose! Here we are and I have 4 people on my tribe including and I want to go far with all 3. Like I was at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I was having the day from hell where I could only be on for a minute like for the whole day. It ends up being emma and that fucking sucks cause emma is an icon. She has now won the duel and thank god I had some common sense not to blindside her and give her a heads up so that I can repair the relationship. Let's see how she feels about me tonight, but like I stand by it that I quote it here, in an ideal world i would go as close to the end with emma, shes iconic and i trust her a lot. I hope I havent damaged this relationship too badly! LET ME SWAP ALREADY!

youtube

I am tired of losing!! we’ve been attending tribal nonstop and it sucks. All these people are amazing. The vote was between Sarah and Em, Jordan was quite busy and didn’t care who left so it came down to my decision unfortunately. I decided em should go because I just don’t have a relation with her like I do with Jordan and Sarah. Luckily she won and is still in the game and got us gold <3 Jordan’s gonna try and do damage control with Em to keep her on our side. We’ve got a few advantages rn and have been leading these tribals so I hope we stay in a good position.

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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callmederok · 6 years ago

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From the most recent ask - 6, 14, 20 and 30, please :)

Thanks for the questions(it’s about to get dark tho…so prepare to some angst, Sixth year related)

Please Enjoy(and have a good day):

6. Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?

From who David would take advice? Everyone but it doesn’t mean he would act based on that, he will simply gather some intel before acting.

From who won’t take advice from? Dumbledore, Merula, Ben, Snape, Weasleys(Yep! all of them), Ismelda, Bea Haywood, McGonagall, Kettleburn…all these people before or during the sixth year somehow disappointed David to the point that he thinks that talking to them is simply a waste of time and mental energy.

14. Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?

David has a few guilty pleasures…like Hunting and eating what he hunted, being cruel/harsh to people(he hates being mean but at the same time, telling the truth in the most brutal way, it’s sooo goood), or also saying that he doesn’t give a damn about everyone’s problems (usually it’s a lie, but it feels so liberating acting selfish like everyone else!)

20. What do they like that nobody else does?

Chimaera’s meat and fighting to the death.

(David’s inner mentality is quite messed up by tough childhood and stressful time in Hogwarts, that he actually he is slowly beginning to love to feel stressful because he is associating it to the feel of dealing with an impossible challenge…but he can’t show this side of his personality, he is too scared to be labelled as mad-man or hated by the few people he really cares about.)

30. What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?

Destroy Hogwarts! (without people and any “living things” inside…simply burn the place to the ground) and then help rebuild it without the things that are fuelling his nightmares, maybe making it bigger, you know, improve it for the sake of the next generations!

The reason is that Hogwarts along with many good moments, it’s also the cause of a terrible childhood(since MC would be 6 or 7 when Jacob disappeared, and their biological father is like a jerk/quite insensitive, and although Badea’s family is perfect for him, he still had a curfew at the time and still forcefully trained to be an FMA-alchemist and the loneliness and the feeling of being hopeless and unwanted actually brought him to trying to resurrect his mother, failing and losing his sense of touch until almost the end of the fourth year) and a nightmare-ish teenhood.

#zincgirl #hphm #David Jager Denneth #HPHM Angst #HPHM MC

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strangerdawn · 6 years ago

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The Pioneer

The Pioneer was a dream come true for a kid with scuffed knees and a ragged skateboard. I'd spend all week in class drawing old Flip graphics in the back of my exercise book and daydreaming about skating. My feet itching for my weekly pilgrimage to the park. I'd arrive at the park and skate until I couldn't. I'd injure myself or my parents would be parked outside honking the horn. Nothing else would stop me.

The first time I went to Pioneer, I didn't even drop in. I stood at the top of the flatbank, looked down, and thought about all the different ways I could hurt myself rolling down. Glued to the wall, I watched the older kids tearing around the park and stood in sheer awe. The videos I'd seen simply couldn't compare to seeing the rawness of skateboarding in person. I was fascinated by their speed, power and the mental strength they had to shrug off a heavy slam and try the same trick again. I barely moved from my spot all day and left without having even rolled down any ramps. I was disappointed in myself. I'd so desperately wanted to take part in the session but I had been overcome by fear.

I thought about the park all through school that week and begged my parents to take me back at the weekend. This time I was determined to ride down that flatbank. Saturday finally came around and my parents dropped me off at opening time. I paid my entry, walked over to the bank and scampered up it's lumber skeleton. At the top of the ramp I stood and looked down. I was terrified but I knew I couldn't leave without at least trying to roll in. I rolled up to the edge of the ramp and peered over. It looked like a hell of a long way down. I followed this routine over and over and over again. Each time inching closer and closer to the edge but never quite having the balls to let myself roll over. There came to be a point where I knew I couldn't take one more attempt without rolling in. It had to be this go.

When I eventually I mustered up the courage to go down. I pushed off, put my feet on the board, and felt my wheels roll over the lip. As I picked up speed I began to wobble and I got about halfway down before I slipped out and slammed hard. I shook as I felt the unforgiving concrete connect with my knee. It hurt, but not as much as I expected, and once I'd got that first slam out of the way my fear evaporated. I could do this. I knew I could do this.

I clambered back to the top of the ramp and waited for the right time to roll in again. My heart pounded in my chest and my knees shook from the adrenaline. I saw a space begin to open up and took a few dummy pushes like a bull preparing to charge. I took off with the last push and hopped on my board. My wheels rolled over the lip and into the bank. Time slowed as I felt myself pick up more and more speed. I braced myself for a fall but before I had time to think I was rolling along the flat. I couldn't believe I'd made it. My face lit up. Fuck. I had actually done it. I'd expected to fall but I didn't fear the pain. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. All it had taken was the balls to push off, the strength to get up when I fell, and the belief that I could do it when I tried again the next time. I got hooked on skating from that point onwards and since then I've always been trying to chase that next challenge to push what I am physically able to do on a board.

I lived a town over from Pioneer growing up and found the scene in the local area to be a constant source of inspiration. There was everything a grom could dream of. The town had a local pro, a skate shop, an indoor park, a few skate crews, and a local video.

In a country notorious for it's damp and dark seasons living by an indoor skate park is important. England is a place where sunshine can all too often seem to be a mythic creature and the weather can snake you in a way that a child on a scooter can never match. The days where you watch a skate video and get excited to skate only to look out the window and see puddles forming on the pavement outside. Pioneer provided a level of security and a skate sanctuary on those drizzly days. I knew that when I felt that itch to skate there was always a place I could go bomb around on my board and empty my mind.

The park was originally set up when Rodney Clarke and Andy Willis approached the Pioneer Youth Club to see if they could store their homemade ramps there. They were tired of them getting ruined or vandalized when they left them elsewhere. They moved the ramps into the club and over time were allowed to build more and more additions. The park has been running and expanding ever since.

Andy Willis has been involved with the skate park since it's inception and was instrumental in the recent redesign and rebuild of the park. He has also been involved in a number of other skate parks around the UK. Most notably he was at the forefront of the Frontside Gardens project in Hackney Wick, a skate park built for the local community exclusively with materials left over from the construction of the London Olympics stadiums.

Andy's recent redesign of The Pioneer reflects the current state of skate culture. Modern skateboarding was birthed by surfers carving concrete banks but now the possibilities of what can be skated and how it can be skated have blossomed to include almost anything you find in the urban landscape. When these elements are placed in a skate park setting, skaters are able to practice their tricks in a safe space free from the interference of pedestrians or other difficulties found on the street. A great skate park architect will include a great deal of variety of obstacles in an arrangement that provides creative opportunities for fluid movement through the space. Not only that but a park needs to cater for the mixture of styles in contemporary skate culture. The new layout of The Pioneer has moved away from the traditional skate park structure of a few big simple obstacles arranged in a formulaic manner to a more complex range of small objects which provide greater creative opportunities for experimentation on a skateboard.

As a kid I'd occasionally see Rodney Clarke at Pioneer. He had great energy and composure on and off his board. Not to mention monster pop and the ability to conquer every obstacle in sight. Being able to see that level of skating in person blew my mind. I was amazed by the skate videos I saw coming out of America but I couldn't relate to the environment. The smooth concrete and seemingly endless sunshine was far removed from the grey skies and cracked pavement that surrounded me. Seeing Rodney skate completely demystified the other worldliness of LA skating and I was able to see that even in my hometown you could teach yourself how to skate to a high level. He was just some guy from my area who had put in the time to teach himself these incredible things. You would never see Beckham having a kick around in the local park but I could go to Pioneer and I might catch a glimpse of a professional skateboarder showing me the huge amount of creative possibilities with a skateboard at your feet.

This brought on the realization that on a skateboard, everyone is on a level playing field. Being bigger or smaller doesn't matter, it's simply how much time you have put in to learning the skill and what tricks or obstacles you have spent your time skating. When you see someone able to push themselves to such a high level it changes your perception of the possible and your ideas of what a person is physically able to do. The act of skateboarding instills the ability to learn within you. You understand what steps you need to take in order to teach yourself a new skill and gain the patience needed to learn something new. You become aware of your strengths and weaknesses on a skateboard and set yourself mental and physical challenges in order to be able to play with your board in a more sophisticated way. There is no glass ceiling in skateboarding and there is always something new to try. Can you learn a new trick or do an old trick longer, higher or faster?

Another inspiration for me at the park was Ben Rafferty. I grew up skating with Ben who is now a proud member of the Pioneer staff and lent a hand with the recent rebuild of the park. He's a ripper and a firm fixture in the local scene. I knew him when his skateboard looked taller than him and it'd didn't make sense how someone so small could throw himself down stairs so high. Ben started skating after he caught glimpses of his neighbour skating behind his garage and got his first board when Santa hooked him up with his very own Rhino deck when he was 10. Growing up he was one of those skaters you'd see every other week and in that time he'd learnt 10 new tricks. He looked completely unified with his board and it was almost impossible to imagine it any other way. His familiarity with the park shines through and he can attack the park like noone else. He sees lines that others would never notice and his bag of tricks on the course is seemingly endless.

I no longer live near the park but I still travel there when I get the chance and the place will always hold a place in my heart. Skateboarding can be a cruel mistress but we will always strive for those days when you're surrounded by friendly faces and everything is new and fun.

The Pioneer was first published in Radulthood (2014). Illustration by Otso Perasaari.

#radulthood #skate #skateboarding #skate park

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