#WHAT A SICK TWISTED WAY FOR ME TO LEARN WHAT ASH IS (ASHES)

[chaotpayaso]

that song is so sho coded

[antistellars]

something like faith

PAIRING: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Joel finds you in an old church. You talk about God.

WARNINGS: slight angst, religious themes: mentions of religious upbringings, religious guilt, post-apocalyptic religion, emotional intimacy, joel miller isn't a man of faith but wishes he could be for you

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

AUTHOR'S NOTE: as an agnostic i escaped religion, but unfortunately for religion, it did not escape me. now i'm using it for narrative tension, sorry grandma, godspeed

Joel doesn’t like the panic he feels when he can’t find you.

Jackson’s safe, sure. Safer than most places. But safe doesn’t mean perfect. One too many patrols where someone didn’t come back on time, and that panic settles deep in his chest before he even knows it’s there.

He finds you in what used to be a church, or maybe a chapel—its hard to tell when time’s chewed through most of it. Half of the roof is caved in, pews broken and scattered, snow dusting in through a hole in the ceiling like ash. But the bones of it are still here. Still standing. No mold, no rot, no blood on the floorboards. No sign of infection. No Cordyceps networks, no bodies.

For a fleeting second, Joel wonders if there’s something to that. Some kind of message. A sign.

Like maybe this place was spared for a reason. Something poetic. But he shuts that thought down just as quick. He’s too old for poetry, and too damn tired to go looking for metaphors. The world doesn’t work that way. Not anymore. Probably never did.

You’re sitting alone, hands in your lap, facing the empty altar. Joel steps over what used to be hymnal, or at least he thinks so, and the crunch of ice underfoot is louder than he means it to be. 

“Was wonderin’ where you ran off to,” he says.

You don’t startle. You must’ve heard him. You glance over your shoulder. “Hey. Sorry. I’m just…”

He waits for you to finish. You don’t. He doesn’t push. Knows that tone. He’s worn it.

After a moment, he says, “Mind if I sit?”

You shake your head. “No, ‘course not. Sit.”

He makes his way down the aisle slow, like he’s in a place that still demands reverence, and lowers himself onto the splintered pew beside you, careful of the creak in the old wood. A few minutes go by in silence. They’re tense. He can tell you’re thinking, lost somewhere deep inside your mind. You’re blinking a lot. Joel wonders if it's a movement to keep up with your thoughts or if you’re chasing tears away.

“I grew up religious,” you tell him. 

Joel glances sideways. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Every Sunday morning. Like clockwork.”

“Didn’t peg you for a church girl.”

You smile faintly. “I wasn’t. I hated it. Couldn’t sit still, always got in trouble for whispering during the sermons. I used to fake being sick to get out of it.”

He tries to imagine it, feels his brain fighting to conjure up an image of what you might’ve been had the world not gone to shit. Strangely, he feels selfish that it has. A world gone to shit is the only reason he’s sitting beside you now, in a place he’d never have looked at twice before. The only reason he gets to know this version of you at all.

“Yeah,” he says. “Used to take Sarah. Easter, Christmas. Stuff like that. More for her than me. She liked the music. Liked the girls her age bein’ dressed up and gossipin’ in the back row.”

He lets out a breath, nearly a laugh, at the memory that surfaces next. “Tommy and I went when we were little, too. Used to wear this godawful clip-on tie every time. Damn thing’d twist sideways by the second song.”

You glance over, and he’s suddenly glad he’s learned how to talk like this—learned to share. To give you something.

“Bet you were cute,” you say.

Joel clears his throat. “Don’t go spreadin’ lies like that.”

You laugh, but it softens fast. “I miss it now,” you admit.

Joel doesn’t say anything. Just looks at you. Really looks. Shifts a little, like the topic makes his skin itch. Faith’s always been a hard one. Feelings, too. But he’s trying. He really is.

He never took to church. Not for lack of opportunity—Austin was full of them. Just never felt built for it. But he’d always envied the folks who believed. Would never admit it, but he did. Because all he ever felt was angry. And then guilty for being angry. Always mad at something, never quite knew what.

There was always something wrong with him, even then.

He rubs at the back of his neck as you go on. “Not the church, really. That's not what I miss. But the part where things made sense. Where you said the words, and they meant something. That if you were good, someone was listening. That there was a reason things happened the way they did.”

He stays silent. He’s not sure what he’d say, anyway.  Joel looks down at his hands for a fleeting second. Big, scarred things. They've done too much. Held too little.

You turn your head. “Does that make me a bad person?”

Joel blinks. “For what?”

“For… hoping. For still holding on to the idea that maybe there’s something. Someone. Watching. I know it sounds stupid.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t sound stupid.”

You smile a little. It’s not a happy one. “I think it’s selfish. To believe in a god that watched all this happen and didn’t stop it—but still thinking he might… care. About me. Like I deserve that.”

You go quiet again. He feels you withdrawing, pulling all your pieces back inside before he can get a good look.

Joel shifts beside you. “You think that makes you a bad person?”

You nod. Slow. Like guilt’s taken form and settled its weight on your shoulders. You stare at the broken altar. “Everyone in Jackson is trying so hard. They believe in people. And I sit in a place like this and talk about wanting to believe in someone who let them all suffer, instead.”

You glance at him. “Now tell me that doesn’t make me bad. Doesn’t make me selfish.”

“I ain’t ever been good at faith,” Joel says eventually. “Never felt like I was the kinda man God would listen to.”

He keeps his gaze ahead. It’s easier to be honest when he can’t see the way you react— just in case you look at him differently and he regrets opening up his fat mouth. “But I think it’s okay to have faith. We all do. In different things.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

He digs into his coat pocket, pulls out something small, something gold, and tarnished.

“Found this on patrol a few days back.”

You take it carefully when he offers it—fingers brushing his by accident. It’s a necklace. Cross pendant. Scuffed, but intact.

You blink. “What is this?”

“Told you. Found it.”

You run your thumb over it. Handle it like it’s delicate. Holy, even now. “Why’d you keep it?”

“I don’t know,” Joel lies first. Then adds: “Figured you might like it.”

He meets your gaze then. Your brows are furrowed, your lips pressed together in a question. You’re expecting an answer, he realizes. A real one. He hesitates. “Sometimes at night, I hear you. Whisperin’.”

Your breath catches.

“Thought maybe you were just talkin’ to yourself. Stargazin’. But one night, I listened closer. Heard you askin’ someone for forgiveness.”

Your eyes drop down, almost like you’re ashamed. Joel feels like a damn intruder. Knows he shouldn’t’ve said it, but it’s out now. Can’t take it back. He shifts again, restless. “I don’t think you need forgivin’.”

You swallow and shake your head. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“I know enough. And whatever it is... it ain’t worse than what I’ve done.”

Your eyes close. Tight. You’re still shaking your head.

He lowers his voice. “If there is a God... I think they’d be proud of you. Your world ended, and you’re still sittin’ here hopin’. That ain’t evil. That’s somethin’ else.”

He almost touches your hand. Reaches for it, in a second of weakness, then pulls back when he realizes. The world spares him, this time, when you open your eyes a second later, unaware of his lapse in judgement.

You scan his face, eyes darting across his features. “Thank you.”

He nods, look away, and begins to stand. “I’ll, uh, leave you be, then.”

But before he can turn, you say, “Hey.”

He pauses.

“I think he’d be proud of you, too. God, I mean. If he’s real. I think he’d be really proud.”

Joel almost laughs. Not because it’s funny—it’s too sad to be funny. But something in the way you say it catches him off guard. He knows it isn't true. Not for someone like him. And maybe you know that, too. Maybe you don’t believe it any more than he does.

But you say it with so much conviction that he can’t bring himself to deny it. Can’t ruin it with some self-deprecating comment or half-muttered deflection. For a second, just a second, he understands what it must’ve felt like to be one of the faithful. What it must’ve felt like to sit in pews, year after year, listening to someone speak like that. To want to believe in something greater, not because of doctrine or fear—but because of love. Because something gentle and good looked you in the eye and told you that you were still worth saving.

And just like that, he feels that old envy curling in his chest again. He doesn’t say anything else. Just nods, once. Then walks out of the chapel, into the snow.

throwing this into the void in honor of @marscardigan my angel pookie bear <3

[allasticus]

A letter finds its way to your hands by means of a strange Raven, or was it a demon with a glamor hiding its true form? He’s sure to know it’s true form, but who would send him a letter line this?

“There are whispers going around about you, and those whispers have made it to my long ears. While I do not know who or what you are, it peaks my interest either way. As one who is tired to the void since birth I both fear and respect your power. I can feel it, but I do not understand it. It’s old. Too old for my mind to comprehend. I simply wish to say you are an interesting one. Perhaps one day our paths will cross. If and when that happens I’m sure there is a lot one could learn from one so well versed in certain magic as you. Till the day we meet, or you find me, I bid you farewell.”

The salt-heavy Kul Tiran air invaded his senses like a sickness—briny, cloying, and curdling in the back of his throat. He loathed it: the damp wind, the reek of fish and rot, the dockhands who staggered drunkenly through streets soaked in seafoam and sin.

How he longed to see the cobblestone paths and buildings replaced with spires wrought from ancient malice and forgotten purpose. Structures carved not by hands, but by whispers older than stone.

But for now, this was sanctuary. The Scholar’s home—offered, accepted. A reluctant accommodation, but sufficient. The void pulsed through its walls like veins through a dying mind, each thread a thought the Scholar once dared to think, now unravelling beneath the weight of him.

The entity stood outside the threshold, testing the skin of the world with his presence. Clad in the Vessel’s shell, his true form twisted beneath void-kissed armour... coiling, shifting, smoke made flesh. His gaze swept the street, pausing only when a winged thing cut across the sky.

A raven?

No. Something in a raven. Something hiding behind feathers and glamour. Demonic.

It landed with no ceremony, eyes glinting with something borrowed. It offered a letter. He took it. Read.

“There are whispers going around about you…”

Quaint.

Veiled praise. Respect wrapped in mortal awe. Admiration painted as curiosity. Fear softened into flattery. The writer didn’t know what he was—not truly—yet still they dared reach out, as though proximity offered understanding. Or safety.

Allasticus’ brow lowered not in anger, but in amusement. A lesser thing had felt his shadow. Traced it. Found him. How?

He cast a slow glance toward the hovel. Then, with no more thought, the letter turned to ash, consumed in a hiss of void and flame.

Inside, he shed the Vessel’s mask. Shadows surged like breath held too long. His true form unfurled—shifting, indistinct, a silhouette stitched from memory and madness. He moved with purpose, overturning relics and books, inspecting every item, arcane and mundane. Her sanctum.... his sanctum had been touched. Someone had whispered.

Her?

The thought curled through him, not as fury, but as intrigue.

A smirk pulled at his lips.

“Oh, sweet one... are you trying to rattle the cage being built around you?” he murmured, letting the darkness bleed from his limbs. Sigils reformed. Wards rewove themselves tighter. Hungrier.

And then, in a voice that scratched beneath the skin, he spoke:

“T̶̠͕̱̯̪̦̰̳̖͒͑̑̕͝ḧ̵̡̘͔͚́̎̄̅͑̑͐́̓ê̴̛̟̺͓̦̒̌̓̓̕̕n̷̢͕̖̬͛̉̇̋̇̿͜͝ͅ ̶̢̡̖͚̬̻̻̠̃̈́̿̊̐͐̉͑͛̚͜ͅľ̸̪̗̗̩̙͈̅̊̈́͜͜e̶̋̀̈ͅẗ̵͇́̕͝ ̷̗͎̻̃̈́͐͝͠ṵ̴̞̼̳͉͂́̒͆̾̄ͅs̵̨̜̼̩̊̄̔̕͠ ̶̛͇̳̜͓͇͆̉̾̄̎̈́̂̉̃͜f̵͖̫̬̥̜͂̓͒̏̇̾̊̒͂͜͝ͅa̸̧̛̜͐̉̋̽̋̾̓̾s̸̩͍̣͙̯͆̓ţ̸̞͕̲͂͋͆͋̔͌̔͋͝ę̸̢̼̬̱̰̙͕̲͒͌͝n̷͇̖͋̒̇͝ ̸̢̧̬͉̺̰̞̖͓̇͒̿̈͛͗̌̆̓̉͜t̶̛̬̮̃͋͑̄̈̓͘͝͠ḧ̵̹́͊̋͋̅͂ë̷̢̢̧̞̦̭̣͉̽͂͛̍̿̕͜͝ͅ ̴̨̰̝̩̦̜̝̫̬͗̈́l̸̨͙͕͙̰̫̝̏̈́́͒̑̍̕͝ò̷̡̬̠̦͂̔͐͆̂͒͛͐c̸̢̡̭̖̯̟̮̜̦͋̀͜k̴̡͔̟̳͙̻̯̩̫͙̓͐̚͝,̸̧͓̼͇̹͊̀̋̈́̕͜͝ ̸͚̈́͠s̵̥͒ḧ̷̙̯̆̎̌̏̒͊̎͝a̶͔͓͓̜͂͐͗̈́́̒͒̍l̷͎̓̉͊l̵̛̼̅̑̀̎̃̾̂̒̑ ̶̮̣̦̠͙̋w̴̪͔͈̞͍̜̪̮̩͋͊͋̊͠͠ẹ̵̡̜̺̈̐̂̆̂́̽̕͝?̵̯̝͎̺͔̗͊”

When it was done, he opened the door and gazed into the street beyond. Whether the messenger still lingered or had already vanished was of no concern. His voice spilled into the air like oil across water, slick and heavy, searching.

“Curious little thing… You fear me, yet you wrote. You do not understand, yet you invite. You admire what your mind cannot contain. How... exquisitely mortal.”

A breath. A pause.

“You say I am interesting. But interest... is the first step into the maw, is it not? When your mind begins to fracture beneath the weight of me, will you still call it curiosity?”

A response—not penned, not sealed, but carried in shadow.

The Raven would feel it. The sender would hear it. And if they listened too closely... they would never unhear it.

@eluviannaa mention (I renovated! yay!)

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's july 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist:

Bride by Ali Hazelwood (18+!)

• aside from the fact that the main character's name is misery, i well and truly enjoyed this book!! i'm such a sucker for any type of vampire-related story, and i absolutely loved what ali hazelwood did in terms of worldbuilding! the implications of human-werewolf-vampyre politics were so interesting, yet easy to understand, and unlike that of any other story i've read. it tied in well to the reasons for vampyre misery's marriage of convenience to the alpha were lowe and had major implications for the overall plot of the story as well. i loved the mystery element and the romance felt so natural and unforced. in reading almost all of hazelwood's other books, i did have a small idea of the formula her stories usually follow, so i was able to clue into some of the twists a bit early, but even then, the mystery just kept unraveling and unraveling and it still kept me hooked until the very end! even with my correct guesses, there was even more i didn't clue into until the very end and i looooved it so much! so unexpected! misery and serena were such a cute and accurate description of best friends. each word of the use "bleech" (bitch + leech - vampyre name calling) was just so funny to me for whatever reason. misery's character development over the course of the story was fascinating, watching her come from a cold and uncaring vampyre society into the interconnected pack mentality of the were's was incredible. all of her actions with lowe's little sister anna melted my heart and exemplified the changes misery was going through to be the person she wanted to be! and of course, her and lowe were so electric and steamy, despite coming from two different worlds and their dedication to each other and their goals was staggering. such a wonderful read, could not recommend enough! i was super worried the supernatural and otherworldly elements would fall flat because hazelwood has thus far written contemporary romance, but i really can't emphasize enough the intricacies and care she put into this one; it really shines through :)

• rating: 5/5 jars of peanut butter

fic list:

first, one i forgot on my list from last month - sorry!

Music of the Spheres, or, Reading is FUNdamental by ItsyRoyal

• SUCH A CUTE JAMES/LOGAN (jagan? lomes? talk about rarepair) fic about learning and music and love and ugh i read it like three times over im just obsessed. highly, highly recommend this lovely story

2. A Million Little Things by @btr-rewatch

• god these boys... the most adorable story about the boys pre-canon highlighting the importance of their friendship <3 kendall gets into a fight defending the other boys from a bully and they rally together to take care of him 😭 some of the best characterization of the boys ever and the displays of care are so them but so tender and ugh. i said this in the comment i left but i feel like btrtv loses a lot of importance on their friendship when the shenanigans come out to play; it was sweet to read here <3

3. Assorted works of @selangkir <333

• Continuation of their Jo/Lucy fic!

• katie & gustavo blurb!

the way you write these familiar characters with your own personal flare never ceases to amaze me. i always think you capture them perfectly and the stories you share always emotionally impact me so deeply. the jo/lucy fic has me kicking my feet and giggling and god i love them so much and i can't wait to read more. the katie & gustavo fic was so funny and heartwarming. the way you see them is so unique and we are lucky you want to share <3

4. Assorted works of @ceruleanmusings :)))

• Big Time Girlfriends - Carlos & Sammi

• No Idea; 1: Miscalculation

• .8

• .9

• Blood Diamond Prologue + Year One

• you had me at pie - mickames

• in sickness and in health - mickames

friend... what can i say that i haven't already? Impeccable storytelling every single time you open your preferred writing platform; i always feel like im right there in the scene with the characters. sensory description is like your bread and butter and i'm just in awe every time you share something. bt girlfriends was so cute - i don't know much about your version of carlos or much about sammi, but the scene at the carnival with the two of them was just adorable. they're such good friends and i love how they're able to help each other out :) miscalculation is gutwrenching, but james and mrs. knight sitting down to have that conversation was necessary and so well navigated. your take on brooke had me screaming into my pillow btw... blood diamond was an incredible read - love baby james <3 and the two mickames stories... god they get me every time. the way you combine the romantic elements with points of mickey and james' pasts and emotions just kills me. truly some of the best writing in the world and i'm not just saying that because i love them so much! the thought you put into your work is always evident and i hope one day i can tell my own stories even half as good as you <3

5. Assorted works of @partiallypearl

• wake up, sunshine

• may you always know you have my hand to hold

• btr girls blurb

• life's what you make it (so let's make it rock)

• hey, hot stuff

pearl!!! ahh!!!!!! the way you were able to take random and simple one-word prompts and turn them into literal works of art is just astounding to me!!! the small three blurb collection was so sweet and showed off the characters personalities so well in such few words. coming from someone literally incapable of writing anything short that just amazes me. i also couldn't get enough of the carlos & logan story gah the boys get me every time... it goes back to what i said in point two lol, the display of their friendship is so uplifting to see and you've just mastered it. and the lucy/logan fic... lots to consider here... i just can't get enough of you and your work!! <3

6. Assorted works of @icegirl2772

• Brontide + Sphallolalia blurb

i know you are busy living your life and working and everything so i will sit and wait patiently for more kaelyn and james content until the end of forever. happy to accept the tiniest of blurbs about them and this one was just too cute! ty for indulging me hehe <3

7. Assorted works of @cant-get-enough-btr-forever

• Big Time Amnesia

!!!! i love your stories so much !!!!! top tier characterization, hilarious dialogue, character-driven stories... god you've got it all up in there. while i'm not typically a fan of the amnesia trope, the way you worked it into the story just had me hooked; poor carlos and his new British ways... and the end had me laughing out loud tbh i know how you feel about logan and his southern accent so the personal touch there made it all the better! tysm for sharing yet another incredible story <3

8. A Field of Blooming Tulips by @bunnyfern

admittedly i was a bit worried the first time i read this story, but after the rework i'm enjoying the story you're developing so much! all the bits and pieces you throw in about crowe have me dying to know more about her and her past, her likes and her dislikes, and seeing her grow and change to fit into her new environment is very well done! she and james 👀 though quite different already have a little spark of chemistry and i'm excited to see where the story takes them!!!

9. MY OWN DAMN STORY

unfortunately i've been reading my own story more than i've been writing my story. rames fan #1 isn't producing rames content fast enough to keep up with her own demand... help!!!!!

[smallraindrops-blog]

Wake Me From This Dreaming

(part sixteen)

Word count: 6.3k

Warnings: graphic descriptions of dead bodies, implied violence, nightmares, some light horror, trauma, no beta

Notes: hi! Thank you to everyone for the love in support, I am not 100 percent sure on how many parts are left, but we are in the endgame now.

Also I posted a short you might want to read before this.

The masterlist

Please heed the warnings.

~

The smell of wood filled your lungs every time you breathed. Huddled in the quiet dark with your fellow warriors, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this wooden horse was a grave.

Odysseus sat across from you, his head bow as Agamemnon whispered something to him. His brother, and Helen’s husband, Menelaus had been quiet since they got inside. There was a hardness in his expression, the gray of his eyes were smothered ashes.

A few souls away from you, Pyrrhus was just as silent. In the darkness, you could see his flaming red locks. There would be a reckoning coming after what could be the final battle. If you or Pyrrhus lived long enough to see the sunrise that is.

Odd how the horse sounded like a ship, the creaking seemed louder than any sound you could make, like a kelpie hissing in your ears.  A memory, hazy and faded, returned. 

You as a boy, on your hands and knees as you moved your toy horse. Adjusting the legs to make it looked like it was running. Pa smiled as he watched you play. A scroll lying forgotten in his hands.

It seemed like a sick joke. Give the enemy what was essentially a giant toy with a surprise on the inside. 

There were so many things that could go wrong. What if the Tojans knew and set the horse aflamed, burning all of them alive? What if- what if- you closed your eyes. If there was one thing you learned in the brutal ten years, there was no place for self-doubt during a battle. 

Do or die.

‘The pain of death is but another obstacle.’

’And fear is for the weak’ 

It was something you and your father repeated together quietly before battle. It was a prayer of some sort. A father telling his son to not fear what could come for them both. it had been Achilles’ own way to comfort you, to say that he loved you.

Your mouth twisted in bitterness, your father had died twice. Once when Pa took his last breath, then once again when he was killed by Paris. The man who started all this.

“I know.” Odysseus whispered. Your eyes snapped toward him. It was hard to see his face in the darkness but you felt the sharpness of his gaze rested on you. “The killer of your father- his brother still lives. You will get your justice.”

“Yes.” You stated quietly. Odysseus was wrong. He didn’t know.

Was there even a point in killing that fool? In any of this? It wouldn’t bring back your Father or more importantly, Pa. Hector was the true murderer of Achilles as far as you were concerned.

Hector was dead. Father was dead. Pa was dead.

it was just you left now.

One of the spies silded out of the mouth, Peros. It was too dark to see his brown eyes but you knew what his expression must be. Grim determination. 

Ten long years. 

Peros gave a thumbs up before returning to his spot. Just as he did, you heard the sounds of the door of Tory beginning to open. You and everyone else stayed quiet as a shade when the horse began to creak as it was pulled inside the doomed city.

Hell awaited them all.

~

Once, during the early days of house guard, Hypnos had floated down to poked your cheek with a single finger. Repeatedly.

You scowled, batting the finger away as you realized that the god wasn’t going to accept your attempt to ignore him. For his part, Hypnos didn’t look offended, watching you with a wide grin.

“Can I help you?” You flashed a fake, toothy smile. It usually could scare people off. Hypnos blinked those sleepy, golden eyes and tilted his head like a curious puppy. You hated that it was actually a little adorable.

“When you are training Zagreus, I noticed that you tend to go for his legs or ankles. But not with me. Why?” Hypnos pointed at his own feet, currently hidden by his long chiton. 

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I am very happy you decided not to break my bones.“ Hypnos said quickly, as if wanting to make sure you knew that. “Please don’t start.”

You debated if it would be worth your time to respond. At the hopeful glance Hypnos gave you, you knew he wouldn’t let it go. 

“You’ve seen how quick His Highness moves, right? For him, it is both his strength and his weakness. I doubt very many people could land a hit when he is running and it is clear he relies on it.” You grumbled, thinking over the last few training sessions. “Stop him from moving and he is a sitting duck. It's the easy way to win against him.”

”Ah.” Hypnos tapped his cheek thoughtfully. “And me?”

“What about you?” 

Hypnos gave you an unimpressed look, “You don’t attack me like Zagreus. I was wondering why.”

You shifted on your feet. The reasons you didn’t go hard on Hypnos was mainly because it was clear the god wasn’t a fighter. Zagreus could take a hit, you weren’t sure about Hypnos. 

Besides, it was highly unlikely Hypnos would need to know how to fight like a warrior.

“Maybe I don’t want to hurt your feelings.” You told him. Hypnos’ mouth dropped open in surprise then he broke into genuine laughter. You shoved down the surge of pride at making him laugh.

”Now I know that isn’t the reason.” Hypnos sighed after his laughter died down. “I guess if you won’t tell me, you got your reasons.”

”If I had to fight you...” you paused, letting the suspect build for a moment. Hypnos leaned in closer with a grin, playing along. “I would go for a surprise attack. Take you down quick and clean.”

“Why a surprise attack?” Hypnos blinked.

”You said it to Zagrues once during training. Just one snap of your fingers and it’s nap time for everyone.” You said. “Not to mention, you can vanish in a second.”

“Huh.” Hypnos mulled over your words, circling in the air lazily. “You make me sound like I could be a problem.”

”You already are.” You said under your breath, hating that your words sounded a little too fond and caught Hypnos’ ankle when he tried to kick at you. His limb felt delicate under your grasp, like fine pottery that could crack if mishandled. His skin was softer than you expected.

His golden eyes caught yours, wide in shock. His cheeks went redder the longer you and him stared at each other. A knot formed your throat, heat clawing up the back of your neck.

Letting him go after a few moments later, you cleared your throat. Thankfully no one else was around to see you acting like a fool.

“I think I can hear Master Hades calling me.” Hypnos squeaked.

The house was dead silent, not even the sounds of quill marking paper reached your ears. You didn’t point that out.

“Of course.” You replied as he vanished. 

A nearby candle flickered as if laughing at you

~

Slender fingers trailed over the worn leather of the himantes, the paleness of his skin were stark against the dark leather. It felt intimate, like it was his fingers caressing your skin.

Before you might have made yourself look away but not anymore. The privacy of Hypnos’ bedchambers allowed you the luxury to just look at him, to study the ways his short curls fell around his face. The gentle bow of his lips, the fans of his white eyelashes.

You devoured the sight of the beautiful god before you, never wanting to forget this.

Hypnos’ expression was thoughtful as he glanced up at you, “I thought you gave Zagreus these.”

“He got my backup pair, these were the ones I used all the time.” You informed him, taking the himantes back. The leather had been made from a strong ox, giften by your parents for your birthday. 

These, along the nectar Hypnos had gifted you, were along your most prized possessions. You had fought and died with these on. Hypnos gave a quiet hum, his eyes lingering on the leather as he settled on the floor, his back supported by a mountain of soft pillows.

You lifted an eyebrow, grinning slightly. “Wanna try them on?” 

His cheeks darken but he gave an enthusiastic nod. He quickly removed his jewelry along his arms, exposing new flesh. The gold clacked quietly as it fell to the floor. 

Hypnos offered his wrists, like a sacrifice. The bones looked fragile, the veins prominent under his skin. His hands remained steady despite the vulnerability revealed by his flesh.

You swallowed, a simmering heat low in your stomach. Ridiculous, how much just seeing that affected you.

With a gentleness that you didn’t know you were capable of, that only revealed itself for Hypnos, your fingers cupped around his right hand, your rough fingers brushing against his soft palm. 

His breath hitched.

“Whenever putting this on, always loop around the thumb and start the wrap behind the hand.” You explained quietly as you worked the himantes around Hypnos’ elegant wrist, caressing his warm skin as you moved downward. 

“Three times around the wrist.” You whispered, very aware of the nervous flutter of Hypnos’ pulse. “Then the same for the hand and knuckles.”  

Then you placed his wrapped hand down and began on the other one. Once you were done, you took a moment to admire your work. A deep feeling of possessive satisfaction surged in your chest at the sight of your himantes wrapped around Hypnos’s hands. 

Hypnos flexed his fingers curiously, then wiggled them with a laugh. “This feels so weird. But also like maybe I could take on a whole army.”

You chuckled, leaning back on your hands. “Try making a fist.”

He obeyed, at first it was incorrect with his thumb tucked in. At the click of your tongue, he corrected it. 

“Remember. Always inside-“

“Or end up with a broken thumb.” Hypnos finished with an amused eye roll, punching the air. It was one of the many things you had regularly reminded him of.

Hypnos glanced at you, a glint of mischief bright in his eyes. A slight devilish curl to his smile. You narrowed your eyes at him in a silent dare. 

At his first swing, you blocked his fist with a forearm, smirking at his annoyed gasp. He tried again, and this time you caught his wrist in an easy hold. Hypnos tried to pull away to no avail and he tried to land another hit with his free hand, you caught his other wrist as well.

You lifted an eyebrow, your amusement growing at his scowl.

“Jerk.” Hypnos hissed as he tried to wiggle out your grasp but you heard the hidden laughter in his tone. “You should be nicer to me, shade.”

At that, you used the momentum of his struggling body to bring him down next to you, his back landing on the pile of pillows. In a smooth motion, you silded over, pinning his wrists down. 

Hypnos felt so soft under you, the sensation of the himantes warmed by his body heat made your head rush with hunger. He felt like he was yours and yours alone.

His breathing turned shaky as his amber eyes met yours. You became greedy at the mere sight of him like this, of his pink tongue running along his lips. He breathed out your name like it was a prayer.

You leaned down, your mouth a hairbreadth away from his. “I think I've been perfectly nice.”

His snarky reply was lost as you claimed his mouth. You sunk into the kiss, coaxing him to part his lips, to give in like you had to the softness of his form. He did, unfurling like a flower with a quiet, pleased moan.

Later, with Hypnos’ warm body against yours, you carefully unwrapped his wrists, your fingers smoothing the marks left in his skin until he was whole once more.

~

(Current)

Spring had arrived and Queen Persephone had returned to the world of warm sunlight and sweet blooming flowers. She had left the underworld with a gentle promise and deep jade eyes that shined with unshed tears.

Which meant everyone else was dealing with Master Hades’ black mood. Right now, the unfortunate victim was Hypnos. 

“What do you mean your overdue paperwork is missing?” His voice boomed over Hypnos’ wordy explanation, the depth of his anger rattling the house. A nearby candle rocked from the vibrations and not for the first time, you were tempted to give it a small nudge and let it set the place ablaze.

The thought of all Master Hades’ precious paperwork burned into a crisp was almost enough to bring a smile to your face. 

Hypnos blinked up at Hades, his hands clasped in front of him. He looked tiny, his feet on the ground. “It means it is missing and I don't know where it is. You know, like the dictionary definition of ‘missing’ is-” 

“Enough! I do not have time for your foolishness. Go get another copy and. Don’t. Lose. It. Again.” 

“Aye, aye captain!” Hypnos flashed Hades a cheerful grin with a two finger salute. Hades murmured something under his breath, his fingers rapping his desk as Hypnos walked off.

When Hypnos got close enough, you caught his attention with a short wave. You made a gesture toward the candle, lifting an eyebrow in a silent question.

Hypnos smothered his laugh with his hand over his mouth and shook his head, his curls bouncing sweetly. The sight of his delight was more than enough to make you smile. 

You watched him all the way until he passed the administration’s doors, his cloak fluttering behind him. Only then, you let out a deep sigh. 

With spring’s arrival, it meant that it had been at least half a year since... Everything that happened. Hypnos was still not able to call upon his powers fully, even the slightest effort seemed to drain the energy out of him. 

His last attempt at floating had caused him to pass out almost immediately. You had gotten very good at catching him before he hit the ground, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath-

You didn’t know it was possible to drown in smoke and dirt as screams echoed, fire devouring everything it’s path like a mindless beast. Ares’s nails digging into your neck as Achilles wailed, carrying Patroclus’ body in despair among the bloodied streets.

The wheels of the wooden horse were bloodied, its mouth looked like a twisted, horrible smile as people ran around it.

Golden eyes met yours, once bright turned dull, Hypnos’ beautiful face ruined as Pyrrhus reached down-

You shook your head roughly, ignoring the glance some of the close by shades sent your way. Busy bodies, the whole lot of them. 

It wasn’t new. You had dealt with this even before Hypnos. Memories twisted into nightmares that creeped in and pulled you away from reality. It was likely just prolonged stress that had brought the foul things back in greater force. 

You let out a sigh. 

This would pass as it always did.

~

There was a ritual at bedtime. 

You weren’t sure when it started exactly but it was one you began to look forward to. After settling in the pools of soft blankets, pillows tucked behind their head, Hypnos trails his fingers along your chest, sometimes down your stomach then slowly back up.

Hypnos always felt unbelievably soft and warm against your body. You were addicted to how he felt, always finding a place for your hands to touch him. Sometimes you would let your hands roam, pressing gentle kisses against his neck, whispering devotions into the flesh you worship.

But one thing always remains the same. 

Hypnos will fall asleep first, you made sure of that.

Sleep didn’t come easily for the god anymore. Another thing stolen away from your beloved. You made sure to lock the anger away, it didn’t belong in the quiet, sacred place for just you and Hypnos.

Later, you will fight the rage out with Zagreus but not now, not here.

His brow furrowed, and you shifted to smooth away the tension, brushing gentle fingers along his forehead. You thought it worked for a moment only for his eyes to open slowly.

Golden irises met yours, with an unexpected sharpness to them. When you cupped his cheek, he sighed and nuzzled into your palm.

”I wonder what my domain looks like now.” Hypnos confessed in the quiet dark, with only you and the canopy of stars to hear. “Do you think it works just fine without me? I haven’t seen it in forever.”

You heard the unspoken questions. 

What if nobody needs me even for sleep? For dreams? Am I really that useless?

You shook your head, “Pure chaos. When everything goes back to normal, you will have tons of paperwork to get caught up on.” 

Hypnos gave a little huff, “No paperwork in the dream realm.”

“Sounds nice, we should move there.” You said with a cheeky grin, trying to get a laugh out of him. You didn’t but Hypnos smiled at you. His fingers brushed against your lips and you kissed his fingertips.

“I thought I was supposed to be the goofy one.” Hypnos teased. 

You smiled against his fingers. “Learned from the best.”

That got a small laugh from Hypnos and he shifted, tucking himself back against your chest. You sighed happily, kissing his forehead, rubbing his back in long, smoothing stokes.

Eventually, Hypnos’ face went slack, his breathing even and deep. You didn’t fall asleep, not yet. You lingered, watching his face until sleep won. 

~

Blood dipped from the wooden horse’ mouth, limbs dangling between its twisted lips. 

Its eyes gleamed with unholy glee at the feast before it. 

You stared. There shouldn’t be eyes- there shouldn’t be eyes- blood red irises rolled down to you as the monster realized you there.

Then in a flash, its mouth opened toward you, the mouth fleshy pink with white fangs bloodied with those of the innocent, of the damned. You couldn’t move- run run run!

You woke with a jolt, sweat coated your body as you realized where you were. Stars gleamed overhead. Hypnos was barely awake, watching you with concern twisting the delicate lines of his face. 

His hand was on your shoulder, lingering there from his efforts to wake you up.

”You were screaming.” Hypnos whispered, staring down at you. You flinched at his expression, sitting up before you placed a hand on Hypnos’. You gave his slender fingers a gentle squeeze as you tried to normalize your breathing.

”Just a bad dream, love.” You reassured him. Not that it seemed to work. Hypnos bit on his bottom lip, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

“Hypnos?”

”I hate this.” Hypnos’ voice cracked and his eyes slammed closed. “I know this isn’t about me but I hate that I can't help you.”

You immediately wrapped your arms around him, hauling his body into your lap. You kissed his brow over and over as Hypnos took deep breaths. 

“I used to keep the nightmares away. I was actually a little useful.” Hypnos confessed. “I just wanted you to get some good rest and- I missed being useful. I miss my powers, y/n.”

”I know, my love.” You murmured against his skin, hating that he was hurting and there was nothing you could do. Hypnos already went through so much, this was just kicking the god while he was down. 

“What will happen if I don’t ever get it back?” Hypnos whispered, staring down at his hands. “It should have come back by now, surely.”

You cupped his chin, moving his face toward yours. He tried to resist at first however your hold was unrelenting and Hypnos met your eyes. His lips quivered but he didn’t try to look away.

”You are Hypnos, god of sleep and dreams.” You gave him a smile. “You are far better than anyone I know. Gentle and clever and just a little bit silly.”

Then you let your expression turn serious. “I know your godhood will return, I have nothing but complete faith in you.”

Hypnos swallowed and gave a watery smile. It broke your damn heart. “I- okay. Okay, if you believe in me, then what choice do I have then to believe you?”

“Exactly.” You whispered. 

He let out a shuddering breath and tucked himself against your body, hiding his face in the hollow of your neck. You held the god in your arms and silently cursed Pyrrhus for what he had done.

But most of all, you cursed yourself for failing the one person you loved the most.

~ 

“Let me try again.” Hypnos murmured before taking a deep breath. His eyes closed as he tried to bring the quill toward his outstretched hand.

Thanatos watched, a faint furrow of concern on his brow. The first few attempts at training had been rough, until everyone had realized Hypnos would have to start with baby steps.

Zagreus rocked on his heels, quiet as Thanatos and Hypnos trained. You frowned when you realized he had glanced toward you once more, his expression hopeful. Crossing your arms, you lifted an annoyed eyebrow at him.

”Staring at them isn’t going to help Hypnos. Let’s do some training for ourselves. Maybe even with real weapons this time.” Zagreus whispered. 

You opened your mouth, ready to dismiss Zagreus when Hypnos made a sound of frustration. He yanked the quill and bent it before tossing it at Thanatos’ feet.

He glared at the quill as if it personally slapped his mother. “I don’t understand! It had been centuries! Millennium and countless eras! I can feel every second!”

”It hadn’t been that long, Hypnos.” Thanatos snapped, annoyance clear in his eyes. He picked up the ruined quill, letting it burn away in a green burst of flames. “I swear you are so dramatic.”

”Says the guy who just burnt a quill.” Hypnos copied Thanatos, hamming it up a bit. “Ooooh, look at me and my dumb green flame.”

Thanatos took a breath, “This is coming from you, who just broke it a childish fit!”

Hypnos scoffed, “At least I am open with my emotions, Thanatos. Unlike someone I could name.”

”Don’t start that again-“

Zagreus kicked at the floor, sighing like it was your fault. “There they go off again.”

“You always do this, Hypnos-“

”I do not-“

You and Zagreus just stood there in silence. You suspected he felt just as useless as you did. The loud argument continued, to the point that Skelly covered his nonexistent ears. You could feel both his and Zagreus’ eyes on you, waiting for you to step in between the brothers.

Why did it have to be you?

“Blah, blah blah. That all you can say, it doesn’t help bring my power back-“

”Maybe if you listened-“

”I am! You need to listen to me when I say it is not there anymore.”

it was without a doubt that you supported Hypnos in everything but there was only so many times you could listen to him and his brother yell at each other. With a disgruntled glare toward Zagreus, you went to the twins.

Hypnos kept a smile during the fight but you saw the tightnesses in the corners of it, the way his cheeks reddened from frustration. Thanatos looked more calm but the hard line of his jaw gave away his anger.

“Let’s take a break.” You ordered, placing a smoothing hand on Hypnos’ back. It was then you realized that Hypnos was trembling, it was so silght you barely saw it but you could feel it. 

There was a moment of harsh silence, the brothers glaring at each other down then Hypnos broke it and he glanced up at you. You ran your hand up and down in quiet comfort.

Hypnos let out a breath, his body relaxing under your touch. “Yeah, let's do that.”

Thanatos shook his head, “Sir Y/N, can I have a word with you?” He shot a hard look toward Hypnos, who gave him a surprise blink. “Privately?”

You didn’t move. Or agree. You simply glanced down at Hypnos, waiting for his permission. Hypnos couldn’t hide the hurt, not from you then he gave a shrug.  At that, you murmured an agreement to Thanatos.

Green overtook your vision and you became lighter than air, then force slammed into you, causing you nearly fall backward. You caught your footing at the last moment, bracing a hand on a nearby wall. 

You studied the room, trying to get your bearings. It took a moment before you realized you were in Zagreus’ chambers. You grimace in disgust when you realized you had a foot stuck in a dirty pile of clothes and promptly kicked it away.

All that just to take you to Zagreus’ room, and Thanatos had the nerves to call Hypnos dramatic. You just hoped the dirty laundry was the worst of it. 

”Really?” You said dryly. You shot him an unimpressed glance, leaning against the wall with your arms crossed. “Next time, give me a warning.”

“You can’t keep babying him.” Thanatos snapped. The god shook his head, his white hair falling in front of his face. He blew it out of his face with a scowl. It reminded you so much of Hypnos that you had to bite back a smile.

“Pushing him isn’t helping him either.” You shot back. “It isn’t like he isn’t trying. You and I both know he has been trying every single day.”

You knew some bitterness slipped into your tone, you couldn’t help it. After you were the one who saw how much the lack of powers had affected Hypnos, you were the one who comforted him after every training lesson with Thanatos. The one caught Hypnos before he hit the ground.

It wasn’t a burden to do so, you would catch him every single time. But Hypnos wouldn’t - didn’t - want his twin to see the tears and you weren’t going to betray him by telling Thanatos. You just hated that his and Thanatos’ relationship wasn’t a problem you could fix by swinging a few fists around.

So you used your words the best you could.

You continued, “He had been working on this stuff outside of the training, this isn’t him being ‘lazy’.” You made a point of doing finger quotes around the word ‘lazy’. “Your frustration with this whole thing, with him, isn't helping. I can promise you Hypnos feels ten times worse.”

Thanatos pitched his brow and after a beat, he grounded out. “I know that.”  

You waited for him to gather his words together. 

“Something is wrong but I don't know how to fix it. No one does.” Thanatos blew out a breath. “It should have come back by now.”

It looked like it had killed Thanatos to say it, to admit that this was beyond his powers, beyond everyone else. Nyx had reached out to the olympic gods, not even the healing powers of Apollo could help.

Hypnos hasn't admitted it, not outright but it was eating away at him. Often you found him sitting alone and staring in the hearth, his eyes shadowed.

“I don't know what to do.” Thanatos repeated. “It is becoming hopeless at this rate.”

At that, you sighed. “I don’t know either. We need to support him and saying that it is hopeless isn’t going to help.”

Thanatos parted his mouth to say something else however before he could, Hypnos stepped into the room. He glanced between you and Thanatos but didn’t meet your eyes.

”I need to go back to work.” He murmured before walking past, his head ducked low. You reached out but he jerked away and picked up his pace. The silence left behind was a heavy one. 

You hissed out a soft curse, rubbing the back of your neck in frustration. Thanatos’ shoulders slumped, guilt clear in his eyes. “I will talk to him.”

”Don’t.” You warned. “It will just start another argument. Let's just give him some breathing room. I will talk to him after work.”

You glanced toward the entrance, worry and fear were like sharp rocks deep in your stomach. 

~

Rolling waves crashed against the beach, white foam caught between your childlike feet. The closer you got, the foam turned pink with spilled blood from the first battle. Your tiny steps in the sand grew into the size of a man, blood spattered over your hands.

Men bobbed in the water, as birds swooped in and others disappeared among the waves, never to be seen by their loved ones again. 

A corpse was slowly being pulled in, the legs already being eaten by fishes and a seagull pecked at the back of the split-open skull. 

You were going to be sick. 

When you were able to lift your head again, you felt a hand on your shoulder. When you looked up, it was Pa. Only not.

Skin grayed, his mouth bloody and the hole in his chest and stomach let his insides spill out. Faint animalistic screams reach your ears, loud wails of pain drown out the sound of the waves.

Pa was trying to say something-

A hand grabbed yours, and you whirled to stare down at what you thought was a corpse. Ares began to laugh as he pulled you among the piles of bodies-

“I’m here. Shhhh. Hey, dearest, breath. I’m ordering you to breathe.”

You gasped. Blinked. 

It took you a moment to realize where you were. You were standing in front of the hearth, the flames danced, sowing its light in the chambers. A pair of hands were cupping your face, Hypnos’ face twisted in confusion and worry. 

When your eyes landed on him, he smiled but there was a nervousness to it. Like he wasn’t sure if he should.

You let out a breath and covered Hypnos’ hands with your own, running your thumbs along his fingers in an effort to smooth yourself. Your eyes closed in quiet relief.

Just your mind playing cruel tricks on you. Nothing more. 

“Seems like it was a bad one.” Hypnos whispered. 

You simply nodded, you weren’t going to scare Hypnos by telling what false visions haunted you.

”It’s been a while since you had a rough one.” Hypnos prodded. Your eyes snapped open, Hypnos was staring at you with narrowed eyes.

”It’s fine, my love.” You tried to reassure him but it was clear by his expression he wasn’t buying it.

You tried again. “Hypnos-“

”I can tell.” He kept his voice low, stepping closer to you. “You usually don’t get this shaken up. Have they been getting worse?”

You hesitated then when you saw a flash of hurt in those lovely golden eyes, you broke.

”Somewhat.” You admitted, shame burying deep inside your chest. You pulled him into a hug, your arms wrapped his slender waist and his hands settled on your shoulders. “But this is nothing new, love. I’ve been dealing with these since before we met.”

Hypnos’ forehead dropped to your chest, he didn’t say a single word. You cupped the back of his curls, dropping a comforting kiss against the top of his head. Together, you and him stood there, soaking in the heat of the hearth for however long. 

Then Hypnos pulled away, and took your hands in his. You waited, squeezing his fingers in silent reassurance.

“I am going to ask you to do something for me.” Hypnos whispered. 

“Anything.” You promised immediately.

At that, Hypnos’ lips curled up in a smile. “Careful. You are not going to like what I am about to ask of you.”

”Just ask me, love.” You told him. There was a warning bell going off in your mind but you ignored it.

”I want you to take me to see Pyrrhus.”

You stared down at him. It took your brain a full three seconds to comprehend his words.

“No.” You said dumbly.

“No.” You repeated. Your voice was dipping with ice and you shook your head as you took a sharp breath. You stepped away, anger boiling in your chest like lava. The idea of Pyrrhus being even in the same room as Hypnos was enough to make your head rush dizzily with sheer rage.

“Abso-fucking-lately not!” You snarled and began to pace the length of the chamber, like a caged lion. Your hands flexed and uncurled only to return into fists, your nails digging into your palms. “Are you mad!? Hypnos- I- No, I am not letting you go near that animal!”

You knew you needed to calm down, to listen but the memory of Hypnos’ bruised face, of golden blood spilled on the floor of Tartarus, of Pyrrhus looming over Hypnos, mocked you.

Hypnos sat down on the chaise, his legs crossed as he watched you. His chin resting on his hand as if bored.

“You are handling this better than I expected.” Hypnos commented mildly. Like one would for the weather. His complete calm and disregard for your sanity and his safety made you whirled around to face him.

”This isn’t a joke, Hypnos!” You roared, hands becoming claws. 

“I know.” It was so quiet, so firm that it gave you pause. His expression was calm and sure in a way that you haven’t seen in a long time. You forced your breathing to slow and rubbed your forehead as your shoulder slumped a little bit.

Once you were sure that you were the one in control and not your rage, although simmered low in your guts like a monster lurking close, you went to him. 

Kneeling in front of him, you took his hands. Looking into those golden eyes, all you could ask was, “Why?”

“I need answers. And it is clear I am noting going to get it just by sitting around.” Hypnos said. “I’m… sick of being like this. I can’t remember what could had cause this.”

“And you think Pyrrhus can be trusted to speak the truth?” You replied quietly. Hypnos’ mouth twisted, the first sign of doubt. 

“I don’t know. I just know sitting and waiting for my powers to return to me isn’t working for me.” Hypnos waved off your reply before you could say it. “I know, we tried other stuff. I just know I need to do this.”

You said nothing for a long moment, staring down at Hypnos’ slender fingers between yours. It was always something you admired about him, the delicate artwork that was his hands.

“Do you remember that talk we had once? About how you would fight me?” Hypnos whispered. “You would try to take me down in a surprise attack before I knew what hit me?”

You winced. In hidesight, you wouldn’t had told Hypnos that. Or at least softened it a bit.

Hypnos continued, “All I can feel is that something is deeply wrong. There is a sense of dread lingering over me. Like before he attacked me.”

“I-“ your mouth snapped close. There was real desperation in Hypnos’ tone and you knew no words would comfort him.

“Please.” Hypnos begged softly. 

You wanted to say ‘no’, to keep him safe in the house and away from that creature that caused all of this. But… it wasn’t your place to do so, if this was Hypnos needed to do, then so be it.

You nodded, you were his most devoted worshiper, whatever he wished of you, it was already his.

”When do you want to go?” You asked.

Relief bloomed on his face before his jaw tightened in determination.

”Now.”

~

Somewhere far away from the gloom of the underworld, a queen stood in her garden along with her mother, their faces were twin masks of pain and sorrow.

The world should be a riot of blooming life. Trees lush and green with the sound of baby birds, olive grooves should be flushed with food, apple trees filling the air with sweet flowers and colorful wildflowers should be dancing in the wind, their sweet faces tilled to the sun.

There was nothing.

Somewhere close to bright blue waters of the coast, a golden prince of the sun frowned at the entrance at one of his temples. Where was the music, he wondered with his hands on his hips. 

The sound of lyres should be drifting into the newly spring air. The clean smell of freshly ground medicinal herbs was missing as well.

Peeved, Apollo went inside, ready to have a word with his head priestess. 

Only when he found his followers, he gasped in horror, recoiling away from them. They stared back with blank, sunken eyes, as if they didn’t recognize their god.

Like a creeping, strange vine, it spread to the depth of the forests of lady Artemis, and she watched as her animals stumble and birds fall from the sky, exhaustion causing their form to shake apart. 

The god of wine only stared in muted disbelief as he walked through his grapevines, brown and dead from the lack of care. Just as many of his worshippers were, their bodies scattered and the others stared back with dull, sunken eyes.

Thanatos lingered in the doorway of a family home, his grip tightened on his scythe. 

He knew he needed to find Hypnos and he vanished from the living realm. He would not admit that fear lingered deep in his stomach. Because if they couldn’t fix this...

Farmers collapsed in the fields, poets lost their words in puddles of ink and confusion. Babies screamed as their mother weeped in exhaustion and confusion. Ships rocked among the ocean waves, quiet as a grave.

It didn’t matter. 

From the poorest beggar to the most powerful king, all of them searched for the relief of oblivion. 

The world was wide awake. 

[gimme-gimme-georgie-weasley]

tired [g.w. x reader]

warnings: depressing

a/n: school's been draining me, so i kinda wrote this for myself.

--

tired.

that was the only feeling that plagued you.

not anger, not sadness, not even joy. it felt as though you had been cursed; stripped of the ability to feel anything. not even a crucio could override this everlasting numbness.

weeks after weeks, fatigue held you in a chokehold, draining every inch and crevice of your body of life; as if a dementor were kissing you.

it was visible in your eyes, the way dark crescents hung lowly neath them. it was visible in the way your hair stuck out every which way, unlike your usual and neat updo. your slouch, your drawl, your strained vision.

every now and then, you wished and wished and wished. you wished until you could barely think of anything more in the world to long for and yearn. and everything in the world seemed to be the ability to enter eternal stasis; frozen in time without a single care in the world - resigned to slumber you would never be woken from.

sometimes, you yearned to place down your quill and burst into flames - then disintegrate into ashes - then a magpie would swoop by and leave a great gust of wind that would blow you away, scattering you into different corners of the world.

just to be free.

OWLS were nearing, and with every second that brought you closer to your first exam, you couldn't help but dread the sound of parchment being crumpled up and tossed, or the smell of ink so strong you could taste it.

you could feel yourself wasting away with the mouldy centuries-old books in the library. every page was rough, rigid, thin, like your skin. meals were skipped, and you could only manage a cup of water. anything else and you were bloated.

it wasn't like you to be in such a ghastly state, and surely enough the people around you noticed. you pushed them away, though. your job at the ministry was at stake if you didn't get all 'Outstanding's, even for Divinations.

a pair of eyes watched over you. bad day after bad day, break down after break down. he watched you, fighting back every muscle and nerve in his body to just run over to you and hug you, telling you life would get better and that OWLS would be a thing of the past - a past you'd look back on and think 'i should've been living'.

the candle burning brightly, magnificently, at your side was getting shorter and shorter, and shorter. the wax was practically overflowing at that point, and had spilled all over the table. the glow of the flame loomed over your face - oh - you looked dead; like a reanimated corpse subjected to hours of scribbling and crumpling and scribbling and tossing until the strings cut and snap - collapsed.

you looked so frail, so small, no bigger than a thumbnail. he could just fit you in the palm of his hands.

'i just want her to be happy.' the boy thought, 'if i could just ease her worries.'

he longed to see the scowl on your face sculpt into a smile.

a smile so bright it brought the sun and stars to shame.

a smile so bright it could light up the world.

he longed to hear your laugh - your laughter that could bring even gods to their knees. and gods, he wished and he wished until he could wish no more.

he longed, and he longed, and he longed, until he was sick of longing - until he got sick of the fluttery deep pits of his stomach twisting and churning.

he just wanted to see you happy. just to see you full of life and not confined to the woes of the world.

he had no control over that, though. he knew it well enough. it was ingrained in him the moment he learned to walk.

he had no control over anything, of course. he was was a weasley. red hair. freckles. hand-me-down robes from myriads of generations ago. what power could he possibly have other than the power over a bludger and a puny firework?

still, he longed for the day you would finally look up and lock eyes with him without your mind being pre-occupied with arithmancy and charms. he could try working his charm on you, but with how you were right now, he was better off flirting with a wall.

so, defeated, he resigned himself to his quill and paper and then -

magic.

of course.

magic was the solution to everything.

he was quick to dip his quill into his well of ink and hurriedly scribble. he then folded it messily into a paper crane - then, with a little tap and a little blow, it flew over to you.

the sound of something landing on your table broke you out of your trance. you were in the midst of writing mountains upon mountains of words that slowly lost all meaning. your eyes darted over to the crane. your face - it softened. what was this sensation? it felt as though all of the muscles in your face, after decades of being scrunched up, had finally jellified. it ached, but soon after, relief came.

you picked it up, carefully unwrapped it and read its contents.

' beautiful girl. i long for the day you smile. all the best for your OWLS. '

then - there it was.

the smile he'd give up the world for.

it was there, and it was brighter than the pathetic candle that struggled to compete with it. no lumos could ever outshine it, and no nox could ever dull it.

beautiful, beautiful, girl, he thought.

he caused that smile.

that smile was his, and his only.

--

[moon-blanket]

Oh my god it's Part Two time i'm so scared but we're doing this we're doing this.

Thirty-ish minutes this time. I can handle this lmao !

William ordered Porter here, and it's the Only reason why he's here WILLINGLY. But it's good that Porter admits that he was giving Both of them an alibi. Hopefully he tells Vincent what the Fuck is going on though !

Oh my god no way it's a game of Clue right now

----

SWEETHEART IS OKAY !!!!!! THANK GOD DUDE. Milo's worry makes me want to crumble dude i'm- RAAAH.

They got pushed out of the room ? Well that's good. But scary !! What !!!

Damn, more confirmation that CloseKnit had something to do with the Inversion. Sick and fucking Twisted !!!!!!!!

David's worry for Sweetheart WOOOOOO !!!!!!! Love to hear it. That's family right there !!

----

ASHER GET HIS ASS !!!!! LET'S GO !!!!!!! PUSHED HIM UP AGAINST A WALL ?????

Hearing Ash pissed off like this !!!! is doing something to me !!!!! He's stepping up !!!!!! Real Beta shit right here !!!!!!!

Porter using Sweetheart for getting the Department an In to start taking down the dominos that lead to CloseKnit is incredibly smart, but of course Incredibly risky-- being the case that Sweetheart didn't get any "useful" information and potentially put their life on the line for it.

Valid arguments from both sides. Porter is smarter than he let on.

HE WAS THERE TOO ? HE CAUSED THE COMMOTION THAT GAVE THEM THE OUT ? PUSHED THEM OUT OF THE ROOM ? HOW POWERFUL IS THIS DUDE.

----

OOoooh, Sanguis Primus. How interesting. It's how Quinn got busted i suppose. This is all interesting to hear how it goes down.

Asher asking Milo if they get a vote was very funny. I replayed it for a good two minutes LMAO.

Fuck it up Monarch Baz !!!! Detective it up !! I can't tell the difference between Alexis and Baz other than the cadences of their voices.

DAMN ALEXIS !!!! eating this mf Prince up !!!!!!

And yeah !!! Where the fuck is William !!! What is happening with him !!!!!!

NOT THEM BRINGING UP ADAM !!!!!!!!! YO LEAVE LOVELY OUT OF THIS !! Porter coming to the defense about it is very heartwarming :)

AND HE'S POPPING OFF DEFENDING THE SOLAIRE NAME !!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO !!!!! Hey Porter I'm sat about it, I'm on my knees .. .... hey uh hi uh are you Single hey uh hi !!!!!!!!!! wow !!!!!!!!!!

DEMON "BLOOD" KNIFE ??? Works as vampire poison ???? An equalizer ?? Rare as fuck to obtain ??? Horrible Half-Life ??? Well that's not highly suspicious at all. I wonder who it could be

DAMN EVERYONE GET CHRIS'S ASS !!!!! Oh he's definitely guilty he Has to be.

YEAH MILO YOU TELL HIM !!!!!! Calling Milo a dog in return and talking about a leash is fucking Crazy !!!!!!!!! Thank you Baz for having his back (even though you called Asher a "pup") !!!!!!

No trace of Sweetheart in the room during the murder :') that's nice to hear.

YEAAAAAAAAH THEY GOT HIM-- WHAT.. . . . THEY JUST KILLED HIM LIKE THAT ? Okay ! Sure ! Vampire Justice... hooray !!!

"The House of Bennett just lost the game." actually goes hard as fuck.

I'm glad that the murder got Some kind of ending and justice, sure. But I feel as though there are several other strings still being pulled in all of this.

Oh man poor Vincent and Lovely :( Lovely's past trauma getting dragged up in front of guests like it's nothing. Both of their "first" real shows in vampire political business goes down in metaphorical flames. They're about to learn some heavy truths that have been hidden from Vincent for So Long.... and the night isn't even halfway over. Surely nothing else could Possibly happen. Right ?

William, what are you hiding ?

[stolenwheel]

I didn’t sleep much last night

It’s been almost 4 years now

Since I last tried to let death take flight

Needless to say

I didn’t sleep much last night

I saw her walk with him today

I saw the way she laughed and smiled

The way she did with me, it’s been a while

Needless to say

I didn’t sleep much last night

I can’t get your face out of my head

And the thought of who you’re fucking

Knew you were up to something

And Yet I stayed

Just to let you make me feel like I’m nothing

Thought of it made me sick to my stomach

You sunk your teeth and now they’re stuck

I lied when I said “I don’t give a fuck”

All I wanted was to be loved

But that’s not what you gave

Just lies and a “gentle shove”

As the months roll by

Another girl says she wants to be mine

I gave it a try just for it to be a another lie

Needless to say

I didn’t sleep much last night

I don’t know how I’m still here

Or if I’m even alive

The memory haunts as the world goes by

Needless to say

I didn’t sleep much last night

I just want to be cared about

I yearn to be yearned

All they do is be doubt

They leave me feeling like ashes in an urn

Unloved, unclaimed, and fucking burned

My burned charred skin

The same skin you used to hold

Crumbles to ash

My downfall is like your gold

You made me feel secure and snug

Maybe if I had a different figure

If I could’ve just been beautiful enough

You wouldn’t have left me

said you weren’t ready

Wouldn’t have pulled the rug or the trigger

Even at a time like this

All I can see is how I’m alone

No girl to take home

I shouldn’t have woke up as so

December 4 years ago A night I can’t let go

The last time I slept through the night

Maybe one day I’ll learn to get by

But tonight is not that night

How haunting it is that I can’t I forget

I seek shelter, I shrivel in fright

As the room starts to spin and twist

My thoughts unravel with clinched fists

My heart beats faster

Another year another disaster

Another night trapped in my mind

And still, I wake as the sun rises

And the darkness stays with no surprises

Needless to say

I forgot how it feels so sleep a whole night

But yet I stay in bed, never to be in sight

I’m not sure if it is morning or night…

[mrxcreepypastamadness]

Hellish Hollows Song #4:

Overdue (Old Cover)

Character cover: Ms. L

Notice: Some parts of the lyrics will be changed to fit her theme. Thank you. ^^

Lolli Muttonfudge?: 🎵Who's that girl you see, who grooms her hair so well? This mystery will be unsolved by those whose who fell into this hell.🎵

Pico: 🎵Who's that in the street, stumbling like a drunken bitch, get fucked. Get out of my way do you not see the gun?🎵

Lolli Muttonfudge?: 🎵Now behold the twilight of a so-called racer who somehow found it easy to betray she who she claim to love, the one who laid me low from above.🎵

Pico: 🎵Cool, but who asked? Oh, wait, I know the number - zero! I gotta go, you made me slow I'm getting sick of ya.🎵

*She grew in length as she turned around revealing her true self*

Ms. L: HAHAHAHA

Pico: What the FUCK is that thing!?

Ms. L: 🎵Glad you're here, now it's too late to escape you will know the fear I felt as I began to melt in flames to hate!🎵

Pico: 🎵Jesus Christ, you're the ugliest thing I've seen, Fuckin' die, I didn't know the goddamn slender girl wore green!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Witness who's behind the mask, desecrated you should've been afraid to ask, now in desolation, you will bask.🎵

Pico: 🎵Buncha fancy words for making dudes dead nothing I haven't heard before, Eat lead!🎵

Pico: Die motherfucker! *He began to shoot her depends how many bullets will run out*

Ms. L: 🎵In the whispers of the woods truth echoes freely, the who claims to be just, is a liar. Sure of racer's selfhood but gaze upon me, one look shall reveal what transpired!🎵

Pico: 🎵Got three in the chamber, bitch, I'm packin' heat, best spill where ya took my homie or you'll taste the street! I'm really getting sick of you, I got shit to do, if you're between me and he, you're the one blowing holes through!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Standing on the bridge over the Lord's Inferno, hand in hand, I thought we fight together. And I never lost my trust to my sis until she plunged me to her foe.🎵

Pico: 🎵If that's what you say, guess you had a bad day and now you're here with some kind of curse, your night's getting worse, gonna put you in a hearse if you don't get the fuck outta my way!🎵

*Transitioning to a Hellish background of eyes and mouth*

Ms. L: 🎵Our sacred ties were but sacred to me, how I hated he got off free.🎵

Pico: 🎵What the fuck's this for? I'm not into vore! This place is an eyesore! Didn't your mama say to brush your teeth?🎵

Ms. L: 🎵For her betrayal, the world shall burn!🎵

Pico: 🎵 I'm gonna make your heart churn! How many shots before you learn?🎵

Ms L: 🎵It's their turn! Strike the infestation of the ones who lie through their teeth!🎵

Pico: 🎵For your information, you should be six feet beneath!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Those who feel no guilt, those who feel no sence of shame, all will play my game, all will perish all the same know my name!🎵

Pico: 🎵We got arbiters of vengeance. Cool, what a show, how's that gonna go with a name like Lolli Mario?🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Madness is honesty within a world ruled by Cain, the pain of treachery can only dull with sweet revenge!🎵

Pico: 🎵This whiny shit's killin' me, tonight is such a fucking pain. Want my honesty? The worst thing about you is that stench!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Oh, did our bond of blood truly matter not? Oh, dear sister I did love you, Molly...so then why did you twist the knife in the gash?🎵

*MOLLY (The Forgiven) appears*

Pico: 🎵The fuck this have to do with me? For I was not, was not right there for what had happened. Oh your careless tunnel vision right before the final crash got your ass in lava splash!🎵

MOLLY (The Forgiven): 🎵I know you can't forgive-a-me. For I would not, could not myself for what had happened...Oh, my careless tunnel vision on the final fated crash, burned my sister into ash...T-T🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Who's that girl you see, who grooms her hair so well? Who's the one who saw me as an empty shell to throw in the pyre, to damn within the fire. No need for apologies long past overdue, your sins you'll rue!🎵

Pico: 🎵Wow bro, cool story. Cheap as free, just so you know, sorry not sorry. I couldn't find a soul who cared. None around for the brothers in the underground.🎵

MOLLY (The Forgiven): 🎵Who's that fool you see, It's a me. Oh my dear sis, I'm so sorry, I should've have made sure that you were there, safe and sound maybe you'd still be around...😭🎵 *She fades away*

Ms L: IT'S TIME TO GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL!

Pico: *Pico ran out of bullets as he threw his gun to the ground* Son of a bitch! *He runs off as the background changed into dark hallway as multiple Ms. Ls appeared*

Ms L: 🎵Wind me up, and up I go to claim you all as my prize for all the pain I've endured. I decree it's an eye for an eye!🎵

Pico: 🎵What the fuck's your deal? Can't take the shit out in me! Man, go to therapy! Go fix your miserable life!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Even as you run away, you know that you're here to stay. One martyr will not slake my fury, now your blood will spill in righteous reverie.🎵

Pico: 🎵But you ain't gonna get to me, this ain't a horror movie. I won't be a victim you ain't catchin' me!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵Treachery! Come, face me, whipping-boy and know my wrath, for I was toyed with by your vile kin! Come to Abel, pay for sin! Run and run as you might, you can't fight for the guilt of man shall overtake you and snuff out your light!🎵

Pico: 🎵I'm gettin' off this line, Pico is feelin' fine, Pico is livin' through the night! What a shitty monologue, I ain't the one you should flog, I'm gettin' through the fog Goodbye! You utter waste of time! Get an extra life and get the fuck out of mine!🎵

Ms. L: 🎵It's my world, my rules! My justice is overdue! *She fades away*🎵

Pico: Fucking bitch!

Based off of:

Friday Night Funkin' Mario's Madness - Overdue - With Lyrics

Original Lyrics written by: Man on the Internet

Rewritten Lyrics written by: mrxcreepypastamadness

[nagdabbit]

we collide with shoulder and steel

we collide with shoulder and steel: chapter 1/25

rating: m, to be safe, even tho this chapter is one of the easy ones

words: 1.3k

characters: wheeler yuta & daniel garcia

it's time. i couldn't wait to start posting. it's the dark, non-linear bcc beauty and the beast au from hell. special thanks to @sarahcakes613 for causing all this mayhem, and @americandragonslayer @shes-a-voodoo-child @sybilius for letting me yell about this thing and talking me through ideas and @samfosho for the moodboard <3

also on ao3

For as long as he could remember, they had been cursed.

The ruins on the mountainside had been shrouded in darkness for longer than his family could even remember. The bones of a castle, ruined for so long that its name had been forgotten. 

His great-grandfather had been a child when the trees had begun to wither and twist and die, a forest of matchsticks beginning the cascade down the mountainside. On the eve of her seventeenth birthday, his grandmother had vowed she wouldn’t dare remain in the valley, betrothal be damned, when she watched the last of their cattle die in the field. His father watched their family starve, crops dying year after year, and promised to return with seed or money or medicine. His mother held on as long as she could, before the sickness took her, too. 

He remembered sitting near the treeline, the last two children left in village, watching the final spring burn—not that they'd known it at the time. He remembered the hope in his chest, joyous to see the sparse green poke its way out of the ash. He had been barely sixteen.

"Why do we burn?" Danny, two years his junior, had asked. He'd asked that same question every single burn season, since they were kids, barely old enough to sit up on the ridge alone. 

"So new things can grow," he'd answered, words familiar on his tongue.

"What things?"

"Whatever we want." It was a prayer between them, a yearly blessing. And each year that the crop grew smaller, sicker, they said it a little more fervently. As they grew older, they began to say it on cold nights, when their shivering was too violent to let them sleep. When thunder rolled overhead, but no rain fell. When the hunger pangs felt like blades.

He was just eighteen when the seeds stopped sprouting altogether, when the land stopped fighting forth and suffocated beneath a layer of well-meaning ash. He was nineteen when the shared stores began to dwindle, and he'd learned to hunt the fungi that grew from the rot—until that, too, had dried up.

Curses festered. They poisoned everything they touched, seeping into the earth like decay to a wound. Spread and grew and twisted and twined all the way down to the roots, shrapnel wedged so deep it could never be dug out.

He stood on the edge of the so-called forest, and wondered how long and how far the curse would spread if nothing was done about it.

“You could just leave.”

He rolled his eyes and hitched his pack a little higher onto his shoulder. “I am leaving, Danny.”

Another clod of dirt hit his pack and shattered into a cloud of dust and ash. He’d been pelting Yuta’s back for the last ten minutes, like he thought his final acts of insolence would make him rethink his plan. “Come with me,” he said, almost begging. “There’s nothing here anymore, and you know it. Leave it to the rot.”

“It will follow us, Danny.” He turned to look at his friend one more time, maybe for the last time. Tried to memorize everything he could. Count his freckles, trace the furrow of his brow and the pout of his lips. “You know that, too.”

“But it’s slow. By the time it reaches the city, we’ll have lived. We’ll be long dead, and somebody else’ll have found a way to fix it.” His lip trembled, just slightly, and Yuta felt guilty all over again for choosing to leave him. “Just—come with me.”

“I’m not leaving this curse for my children to deal with.”

Danny scraped another stiff, dry clump of dirt off the ground and hurled it toward Yuta with a wordless shout. He didn’t even look pleased to see Yuta wince when it shattered against his shoulder. “What, you wanna be a prince? That’s how it’s s’posed to work, right? In all those stories?” He sneered and turned his glare toward the rolling gray hills, swung an arm out toward the ghost town they’d been born into. “You think you’re gonna be the one to kiss that beast human again, and suddenly all this will come back to life?”

"True love's kiss, was it?" He rolled his eyes and started back toward the treeline, brushing dust from his threadbare tunic as he went. “No curse could be that stupid, Danny.”

He wasn’t the first to climb the mountainside. As long as the ruins had been ruined, villagers had gone looking for answers. Curiosity had turned to terror as the first explorers skidded back down the mountain telling tales of some great horned beast, a creature of fury and rage. Then they went with sword and torch, those that did return did so with scars and stories of gleaming teeth and razor-sharp talons and the searing, unforgiving pain of dragon’s breath. 

Not even a high price on the beast’s pelt could tempt most hunting parties to risk the ruins after that. Not one of the few glory seekers arrogant enough to chance the climb ever returned.

Some ventured up searching for treasure. It was a castle, after all, and it stood to reason that there would be stores of treasure and relics hidden away under the beast’s guard. Those fools that returned did so with disappointment and petty grumbling, and the same light purses that they’d ventured forth with. They sang praises of the mountain’s creature, its cleverness and cunning, each of them too proud to admit they’d been outsmarted by a beast.

Then came the stories of a kissing curse, a frog prince with fangs and fur, awaiting some fair lover to free him from his plight. Romance and intrigue, a kingdom for the taking. The husband hunters rarely returned, but those who did flounced back down the mountainside with nothing but twigs and briars to show for the effort, and stories of a grotesque beast with a heart too hardened to bother with. 

Other stories told of phantoms. No vestiges of life left. Only faint, distant voices that had forgotten to die with the flesh they’d once inhabited, and the cold, unforgiving wind. 

Footsteps followed along behind him, the younger boy not yet ready to give him up. “I can’t believe you’re just going.”

“You can come with me.”

He scoffed, a mean and nasty sound. “I’m not gonna go die.”

“I’m not planning on it, either.”

“How many idiots have climbed that rock thinkin’ the same damn thing? Kane thought he’d come back with a head to mount on his wall. Brie planned on being a queen, and I don’t see a flag wavin’ up there for her,” he grumbled, as if they hadn’t been toddlers when she’d decided to climb the mountain and claim her prince.

“Who knows, maybe she’s ruling over some ruins of her very own,” Yuta joked. “Maybe this will be a reunion.”

He stopped a few feet back from the edge of the treeline, looking up through the bones of the forest. Pillars of charred and wind-worn wood, still casing the mountain in shadow and silence. He looked over his shoulder, a farewell on his lips, to find Danny some yards back.

“You’ve heard the stories, Yuta,” he called out, feet rooted in the gray dirt. His shoes were threadbare, they wouldn’t survive the journey to the next town over, let alone the city they'd always talk about running away to. “What makes you think you’re the one to finally kiss the curse away?”

“I never said I would break the curse.” He turned back toward his path, and stepped into the woods. “I said I would try to fix what it's done.” He imagined Danny yelling out something else at his back, always one to fight tooth and nail to have the last word, but within the brittle shelter of the trees, he was met only with silence.

[lovefordyingstars]

sacred madness — playlist

achilles come down—

you're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you // je vois que beaucoup de gens meurent // ce, qu'on appelle une raison de vivre est en même temps une excellente raison de mourir // where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping since there is no me without you // hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone engage with the pain as a motive // how the most dangerous thing is to love how you will heal and you'll rise above // les souvenirs d'une patrie perdue, l'espoir d'une terre promise //

the albatross—

she's the albatross she is here to destroy you // locked me up in towers but I'd visit in your dreams // devils that you know raise worse hell than a stranger // she's the death you chose you're in terrible danger // the devil that you know looks now more like an angel

allies or enemies—

the words I speak are wildfires and weeds they spread like some awful damn disease // you caught me in a moment weak // and we'd both be laughing in the end // are we allies or enemies? this will be the death of me // all is fair in love, and war but I can't fight with you anymore

blood—

this changing skin I'm in I hate this version of myself // their teeth in me, the way that I bled so easily // I became what they did to me // I'm weak, I start to attack, my teeth in you 'cause baby that's what hurt people do // I guess they made me a monster too // I don't wanna want your blood one drop is keeping me alive // If you could love a creature

brother—

it's been a long, long time since I've seen my face in your eyes // I've returned to my burn scars of birth // from the ashes that fell the mountains I knew so well // I watched the sky burn and all I learned was smoke fills the lungs like a disease // you burn like me the singes on our skin like a brand // there is little of me left that could care about dousing the wildfire

cassandra—

when the first stone's thrown, there's screaming // so, they killed cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst and tried to tell the town // they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say do you believe me now? // I was in my tower weaving nightmares twisting all my smiles into snarls // what happens if it becomes who you are? // so, they set my life in flames // they knew the whole time // blood's thick but nothing like a payroll // I patched up the crack along the wall I pass it and lose track of what I'm saying 'cause that's where I was when I lost it all

castle—

sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised // now my neck is open wide begging for a fist around it // already choking on my pride // and there's an old man sitting on the throne that's saying that I probably shouldn't be so mean // sick of feeling used // if you wanna break these walls down you're gonna get bruised //

castles crumbling—

once, I had an empire in a golden age I was held up so high, I used to be great // now, I fear I have fallen from grace // I held that grudge 'til it tore me apart // ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off // and here I sit alone, behind walls of regret // my foes and friends watch my reign end // people look at me like I'm a monster // my castle's crumbling down and I watch all my bridges burn to the ground

castle of glass—

wash the poison from off my skin show me how to be whole again // warm me up in a nova's glow and drop me down to the dream below // 'cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass hardly anything there for you to see // through the secrets that I have seen // wash the sorrow from off my skin

cold-blooded—

weakness is as weakness does, to stay alive is not good enough // I live by one simple truth that if you dare cross me, I'm doing worse to you // so if my hands are stained with blood it's worth it to be victorious

empire—

I can hear the whispers in my sleep // you claim you trust me you think I don't see the doubt behind your eyes // but madness and greatness can both share a face // I was born to play this game // so fear me or love me it's all the same // you can throw me to the wolves I'll be alright // just one word, I'll let the world burn

family line—

I say they're just the ones who gave me life but I truly am my parents' child // I'm so good at telling lies that came from my mother's side // and wonder what I did to deserve this // how could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you // all of my pain and all your excuses // all of my past, I tried to erase it but now I see, would I even change it? // I can run, but I can't hide

forest fires—

there's nothing in this name sorry to disappoint again // you're starting forest fires, you start them just to feel the heat // I can already feel their hate // the stranger, his sorrow must be fault of my own

for the dancing and the dreaming—

and gladly ride the waves of life if you will marry me // and love me for eternity // I only want your hand to hold, I only want you near me // I'll keep your laugh inside me

a good man—

if there's a good man in you, you killed him today // but he'll be survived by the people you hurt // a prodigal son from the day you were born // oh what have you become? oh you were your mother's son // oh this world is cruel, I know oh I wish it spared you // God as my witness I hate to see you this way // and I believe in forgiveness but I don't know if people can change

gossip—

welcome to the city of lies where everything's got a price // this place is a circus, you just see the surface // sip the gossip, drink 'til you choke

the horror and the wild—

you were raised by wolves and voices // they said it all comes down to you // you are that space that's in between // all the stones and kings of old will hear us screaming at the cold // I steal the hours and turn the night into day // welcome to the storm, I am thunder

illicit affairs—

and that's the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares // but it dies, and it dies, and it dies a million little times // so you leave no trace behind like you don't even exist // and you wanna scream // look at this godforsaken mess that you made me // for you, I would ruin myself a million little times

inkpot gods—

and when the rain came down I made a vow out to the dark // please, let her live just one more day cause she is so much more than all her scars // I will be the man my father never was // and what you see is not the dark it's just the gods upturning ink pots 'cause they know what you'll become // and I don't know what to do, how to help her how to bring her home // and I wish that I could take his hand but where I'm going is for me and me alone // if I don't make it back from where I've gone just know I loved you all along

marjorie—

and if I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now // if I didn't know better I'd think you were still around // what died didn't stay dead // long limbs and frozen swims you'd always go past where our feet could touch // 'cause every scrap of you would be taken from me // all your closets of backlogged dreams and how you left them all to me // but I still feel you all around

messed up—

you'll be the death of me so bring me my coffin please // but in you, I see a light, let's be more than strangers // if you were my god, I'd believe // some days I need to break down // now I'm still a lonely soul but I'm searching with you

the moon will sing—

my feet knew the path we walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought to where it might lead // instead, I made a bed with apathy my heart knew the weight // ten years worth of dust and neglect we made our peace with weariness and let it be // the moon will sing a song for me I loved you like the sun // bore the shadows that you made with no light of my own // I shine only with the light you gave me // I want to feel the fire that you kept from me

rule #9—

I remember your eyes were clear brighter than the sun // you learned to fall // I believe in who you are // take the world by storm muster all your strength // you are a child of the stars // use the power in your lungs

sacred oath—

time betrayed the both of us it was never on our side // fate came in to twist the knife // some days I'm so mad I can't think straight // anger rolling through me in shockwaves // I have sins I won't deny but if this is punishment it doesn't fit the crime // some days I'm so sad I can't stand it // you treated me like a sacred oath you were bound to keep // you still loved me when I wasn't clean // and I reach for you when the nights get cold it's a habit that I never broke // just stay with me, please

sailor song—

won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor? // and when you get a taste, can you tell me what's my flavor? // I don't believe in God, but I believe that you're my savior // and when we're getting dirty, I forget all that is wrong // I sleep so I can see you 'cause I hate to wait so long // and lately, I've tried other things but nothing can capture the sting

shadow—

one foot in the ground one foot in the grave // all you need is your name //and the blood running through your veins // don't think twice you'll be dead in a second // turn your eyes from your hands to the heavens // kill your pride // turn your fear to a weapon // don't you let them take control don't you let them break your soul // it's not the devil at your door it's just your shadow on the floor // will you still listen to my call who do you trust or no one at all // tell me that you hate me, yeah I heard it all before // there's a life here for the taking is it mine or is it yours // all I am is what you make me

sharks—

blood is in the rocky waters // that's the way that it goes // just you wait and you'll see that you're swimmin' with sharks // don't you let 'em see your struggles // I wonder if my day is coming, blame it on the entropy // my blood is pumping, I can see the end is right in front of me

therefore I am—

get my pretty name outta your mouth // top of the world, but your world isn't real your world's an ideal

villians aren't born—

watch it burn, watch it fade watch the armies gather suit // someone's gotta win and lose // they say my heart is almost black well baby, who's to blame for that? // played my game, hell, now you're in it // and I'm anything but tame // grab your sword, you might just need it 'cause I'm not afraid of cheatin' // you taught me well, now watch me win // there's nothing left to lose // don't tell me it's not fair believe me, I've been there

viva la vida—

I used to rule the world seas would rise when I gave the word // now the old king is dead, long live the king // one minute, I held the key next the walls were closed on me // be my mirror, my sword and shield // for some reason, I can't explain once you'd gone, there was never, never an honest word // people couldn't believe what I'd become // for my head on a silver plate just a puppet on a lonely string

the water is fine—

two lovers wander down to the shore // she enters and swims with the foam he bids her come out and come home but deeper and colder she goes // when she is pulled beneath the rush he waits and waves, his face aflush // blood runs thicker than water but both feel the same when your eyes are closed // the cause of our sickness is love

you're on your own, kid—

there's just one who could make me stay all my days // from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes // I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this // my friends from home don't know what to say // I looked around in a blood-soaked gown and I saw something they can't take away // 'cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned // everything you lose is a step you take // you're on your own, kid you always have been

[heartfullofleeches]

Masochist Yan bully with a sadistic student council reader

Tw: smoking, cigarette burns, masochism, slightly suggestive themes

-

Erin watches the cafeteria door as he wastes for you to come outside. He was standing behind a building in the recreational area of the school, tucked away from human eye less they rounded the corner. He flicks on his lighter as you finally make your way outside for your routinely inspect of the school grounds.

He puts the cigarette to his lips. The other week, you caught another school smoking in this same spot and gave them an earful. You forced everyone to leave, but there were rumors you made them smoke the entire rest of the pack after-school. Erin still got tingles when he remembered how the student cries from your verbal assault.

Erin lights the cigarette, taking in a puff as the nicotine burns. He gags. It's not his first time, but in his excitement he ended up inhaling more than intended. He stands close to the end of the corner; tossing his pack onto the ground as your footsteps approach.

He steps out and picks from up, cancer stick hanging from his teeth as he waves. "Hey, Y/n. What's up?"

Your expression is neutral. "What are you doing, Mr. Hart?"

"Nothin." He takes the cigarette from his mouth and blows into the air. "Just enjoying my break like everyone else."

Without another word you walk over. You grab him by the wrist, pulling him around the corner as you then shove him against the wall.

"Give it to me."

Erin's face heats up. He feels your breath against his face. He shakily hands you the cigarette.

You grimace. "How disgusting. Tainting our school grounds with this stench. It's fitting for someone like you, but that doesn't mean you can do it."

His heart beat excellerates. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Well I let the last pest off with a warning, but I'll make an example out of you. You're tougher to crack than them anyways." You step back. "Kneel."

Erin's not as tough of an egg as you think as he immediately falls to his kneels. He was a little over a foot taller than you standing, now at stomach level. It was a good imbalance. One he'd like to see more often. He gets as close as possible, chest pressed against your leg. You stare down at him; him returning the look with one that reminded you of a dog in heat.

"Stick out your tongue."

Erin again does as told. That smart ass confidence of his had been withered down to an obedient pet. You had yet to fully tame that spirit of his - but you would. You yank him forward by the jaw; flicking some of the cigarette's ash onto his tongue. He trembles in anticipation. You finally press it into the flesh of the muscle; keeping an iron grip on his jaw.

"Gah.. Hah..." Erin moans in pain as the bud chars his tongue. He grabs your thighs, nailing hooking onto the fabric of your pants. It fucking hurt. He could feel the tastebuds in that area melting away, but he wanted more. So much more. The pain was as enriching as the sweet embrace of a lover. It believed with his sick obsession for you that left him in a puddle of pure ecstasy.

Saliva pours over his lips and onto your fingers. He tries so hard not to bite down; jaws clenching, but unable to close around the cigarette. It eventually goes out from the combine weight of his saliva and being forced into a surface. You twist the extinguished bud for added measure before flicking it onto his lap.

You force his head back; another moan erupted from his throat as you yank his hair. Your fingers enter his mouth as you except the extent of the damage. A circle red is burnt into his tongue; the flesh raw. He nearly finishes on the spot as you tug on it. Deeming he's learned his lesson, you let him go.

"I think that's enough punishment for today. Don't do it again or..." Your voice trails off. As you spoke your eyes wandered his body; falling on an unflattering sight between his legs. "Are you- Did you get-"

Erin doesn't respond. Too caught up in the pleasure running through his body to speak. You nearly retch.

"How repulsive... Clean yourself up and go home for the day."

You walk away as the alarm rings for the next period. Erin slumps against the wall as he shoves his fingers in his mouth, trying to reach that same high he felt when yours were in their place. It's not enough to settle his heart back into his chest, but enough to finish what needed to be done.

[shuhuflesh]

i absolutely adore up to snuff btw. its my latest loop song. like!! PUT ME OUT PUT ME OUT BEFORE I BURN OUT!! HOW COULD THIS BE THE WAY THAT THINGS WOULD TURN OUT!! WHAT A SICK TWISTED WAY FOR ME TO LEARN WHAT ASH IS, ASHES!! BEFORE I BURN OUT!!!!

you. go listen to atsuover. right meow

[inkmonster21]

Best Buds

Fezco x Reader

Euphoria Universe x Reader

1. Your Local Drug Dealer

2. Behind the Store Blaze

3. Friends

4. McKay’s Party

5. My Girl

6. Wifey Material

~o0o~ In the early morning of the first day, I could feel the eyes on us as we walked through the halls. Maddy, BB, Cassie, and I all clustered up as we tower the school. As we're walking we pass Jules and Rue. Fez just knew they'd be friends. BB points to Jules, "Oh, shit, that's the girl who tried to commit suicide at McKay's." I narrow my eyes at her. "What?" Maddy, Cassie, and I simultaneously. BB tosses her head back, "Oh, yeah. I forgot. You three were fuckin'." Cassie shrugs, unashamed. I blush at the thought of the rumor. We did not fuck in the bathroom, but who's to say others can't imagine. Maddy on the other hand was frustrated. She stomps her foot, "Why does everybody think we fucked?" I stare at her blankly, "Did... you not?" I could have sworn I saw Maddy making waves on that guy's dick in the pool. Maddy shakes her head, "Alcohol is not good for me." BB weighs in, "So you did fuck him." Maddy shakes her head, her eyes coming together in thought, she's focusing. "Honestly, I think I blacked out." I widen my eyes, "For real?"

Kat walks in, joining us from the side. "Look at you. Someone looks smitten." She pinches my cheek. "I will admit." BB shrugs with a smirk, "I just got one question." I wait for her to continue, "Fez got a big dick?" I wink at the four girls before turning on my heel and walking to my class.

As I settle into my seat in American History, I text Fezco.

"American History for the win."

"lol glad you made it shawty. Learn some good shit."

"Can I come over today? I can pick up some pizza." for the first time, Fez read my message and didn't reply. He didn't reply for an hour! I send another.

"Does that mean yes? lol"

"Nah baby. not today. I got some business."

I narrow my eyes at his words. I've sat through tons of his sales. They pop up whenever and only stay for 10 minutes at most.

"Why?"

"I got business baby."

"Wtf... for real? I can't come chill with you while you sell?"

"Not tonight baby. I'm sorry."

Where does a brain automatically go when told no with little explanation? To overthinking land. The most fucked up place on earth. For the remaining of the morning, my mind paced, ran, no... it sprinted! Just at the thought of Fez refusing my company had my anxiety peaked at an all-time high.

My shaking hands pull up the shorts of my cheer uniform. A pep rally at lunch was the perfect way for my mind to be lifted... NOT! Maddy watches as I huff, my shaking hands applying the rhinestones to my eyes. "Bitch, you look like you're going to puke." She takes the rhinestones from me and continues the job. "Are you sick?" Cassie asks as she parts her hair, ready to apply her set of stones.

"No. I'm fine." Maddy looks right into my eyes, reading me like a book. "Relationships suck don't they?" I disagree, "No, Fez is great." "But you're upset with him." "He just told me not to come over tonight. Kinda pisses me off." Maddy stands, in outrage. "He told you not to come over? What the fuck? Then you're not his girl!" I stand up feeling energy coursing through my blood. "He said he had fucking business. Like... I've sat there for hours on end watching him sell. What the fuck does he think I'm going to do? Rat him out?"

Maddy bites the inside of her cheek, "Girl, what if he's got some hooker coming to buy? That's why you can't be there." My mouth falls agar, the realization coming together. "Oh my god." I cross my arms, my jaw clenching. "I'm going to kill him."

Hours after practice ends, I hop on my bike and pedal as fast as I can. I round the corner of Fez's street, his apartment looking like a haven in the falling rain. I stop under the awning, leaning my bike against the wall, next to a bike that's already present. I glare at the handlebars, "That motherfucker." I stomp to the door, twisting the knob and entering. "Whoa! What the fuck-" I storm past Ash, determined to beat a bitches ass.

~

-Fezco-

I flip the screen of my phone checking for a notification. None. Damn she really being like that for real. I shake my head, blowing out the smoke. I stack another pile of cash on the counter making sure it's all there. The radio beeps, "Yo, who is it, man?" Through the radio static, he speaks, "Rue."

I pull a drag of the blunt and place another pile on the counter. "No, bro, tell her to come back later." Just as the words exit my mouth, Rue prances through my house. "Too late, bitch." She flips me off as she walks down the hall. "Yo, hold on, hold on. You can't be in here right now." She nods her head at my stack of cash, “I see you cash money.”

I follow her as she opens the door to my room and enters. "Yo, Where's (Y/n)?" She hollers from my room. I step foot in the room with frustration all over my face. "Yo, Rue, you gotta go."

She pulls her shoes off, stealing a pair of my socks. "I need some OCs and some socks." "I can't help you right now. You gotta go. Yo, for real, Rue. I ain't fuckin' playing with you. Come on. You can't be in here."

"Look, Fez, I'm fucking drenched. Okay? And, uh... I'm out of drugs. So... Don't be a dick."

This girl has got me to my point. Between her and (y/n) I'm finna blow up. "Oh, my God. That's not my fucking problem. You gotta get up out of my house right now before these motherfuckers come through." She shrugs pushing past me, "All I need is a couple of OCs and some Xannies. That's all I need, and I can be gone."

"Yo, I'm trying to tell you, I don't got shit right now. Like... Come back in a few hours, I got you, whatever you need. But right now, you gotta get the fuck up outta my house. My guy's about to come through here. I don't want you here when he gets here, you understand?" I plead as she flips over my couch. "Give me drugs."

Suddenly the door opens and Ash exclaims, "Whoa! What the fuck-" The door slams shut and hard footsteps ring through the house. "You wanna tell me why the fuck I can't be here but you can invite some bitch over? Huh?" (Y/n) screams, coming up into my face. "What?" She shakes her head, "That's fucking why! Because you got some other bitch around here. If you don't want me Fez, fucking say it!"

I watch as her face grows red from her yelling. "I don't know what the fuck you on about. The fuck you doin here, baby?" "Why the fuck can't you have me here, Fez? I'd like to fucking know." I shake my head, “ baby, you acting wild as fuck. Stop it. I got business. You and Rue have to get out. Right now.”

(Y/n) gets on her tiptoes, getting into my face again. Her eyes were dark, as a fucking storm. I've never seen her this pissed. "You fuckin her?" "WHO?"

"This is like a reality show," Rue mumbles from the couch. I rub my eyes, my frustration to its limit. "Baby, you gotta go!" "I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna sit here and wait." (Y/n) turns on her heels, walking around the arm of the couch and sitting next to Rue. "Baby, come on. Don't act like this. I got some people rolling through." She stays silent in her position. The phone starts to vibrate indicating their arrival. I glare at the two girls on the couch. "I could fucking kill y’all right now."

I grab the cash stuffing it into the brown bag, "Yo, Ash, they're here."

I walk over to (y/n). I lean down pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Baby, this is serious. Both of you just stay right there, keep your mouth shut, and be cool. These dudes ain't fucking around." I reach down between the cushions to get the gun and load it. "Why do you need that?" (Y/n) questions. Her voice is small now compared to her outburst a few minutes ago. I stare at her innocent eyes, this ain't no place for her. "Same reason you didn't need to be here, ma. Just chill for me." I press another kiss to her head.

~

Fez cocks the gun, taking a deep breath. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to come uninvited. Fez places his hand on my cheek. He stares directly into my soul. "Baby, you gotta listen to me. Just stay chill. I got you." I nod in his hold.

Two sets of footsteps enter the home. I turn to see two men, one more definitely the boss. I knew Fez was a dealer, but I had no idea he was a second man down from the big leagues.

Rue scoots closer to me, her legs lapping over my thighs. We look at each other knowing we both made a mistake coming here.

The men make their way into the home, the skinny one, ungroomed, clearly a user of harder drugs, and definitely the gopher for the other man.

This other man is a radiating hazard. The face tats proved the point. The was a man of evil behavior. Fez sat opposite Rue and I, keeping a clear view of the entire room, the gun tucked between the cushions. The man smiles at us with dirty teeth. He pushes his hand out, dirt-caked in his skin. "My name is Mouse. It's a pleasure to meet you." I lift my hand towards his. As soon as I'm in reach he yanks my hand up, planting a kiss on my skin. Mouse smirks up at Fez, "This your bitch? Or are these both your bitches, player?" Mouse runs his index finger over my ear, pulling my hair away from my face. I shutter, silently pleading for Fez to interfere.

Fez watches as mouse toys with me. He stares right into my eyes, “that’s my girl. Rue’s on the right. She’s like my sister, man.”

Mouse hums, he takes a strand of my hair, dragging his silver blade over it. In a second he swipes up, cutting an inch of my hair in his fingers. I whimper as Mouse leans down, resting his hands on my shoulders. Fez shifts in his seat, his fingers dipping between the cushions. “You a lucky guy.”

Fez glares at Mouse. Holding it together he maintains his voice mellow, “let’s get back to it, man.” Mouse raises his hands off of me slowly.

“Yo, Custer, toss me that bag.” The other guy, Custer, throws the bag. Mouse sets the suitcase on the coffee table. Once unzipped get reveals a treasure of drugs. I look up to Fez in shock. I didn’t understand how deeply he ran.

“All right, check it. I got a 100 OP-OC 80s, 500 Xanny bars, 500 20s of Addy. I'm low on Vikes, so if you wanna cop some Vikes, you better cop 'em today, 'cause I got, like, 50 left. I got a quap of that Cali medicinal, and an ounce of Molly. Custer, what's the math on that?” After a minute of Mouse staring into our frames, Custer finally speaks. "Uh, 25, 15, and 1,100, 35, 77, and 25... 7,750." Fez passes the bag of cash over to Mouse, "Here."

Mouse glances up at Fez from the case, "Sure you don't want no Fentanyl?" Oh. my. god. Where the fuck am I? This has turned from one of my faviort places to now the most scarriest version of hell I could conjure. The intense uncomfet from the guests are overwhelming.

"Nah, man, I'm cool off that shit. There's too many ODs, and I don't want the heat." Mouse then turns his head to us. "How about you two? You ever try Fentanyl?" Rue peeps quietly, "No." Mouse raises his brows at me.

My breathing picks up as Mouse narrows in. "You never tried it?"

Fez takes a step closer, calm as ever. "No, she's good, bruh." Mouse scoffs, "Gonna let ya boy talk for you?" I look at Fez from the corner of my eyes. "I... I don't..." Mouse grabs my chin softly, tearing prickling up in my eyes as I stare at Fez. "Don't look at him. Look at me." He smirks at me before asking again. "You ever try it?"

Fez interjects once more. "Yo, for real, bruh. I don't want them fucking with that shit."

Mouse ignores Fez, talking to Rue and me, "You know that feeling when you come so hard that you can't feel or hear shit? You like that feeling?" All in a blur Rue answers and suddenly I have a knife to my lips. "Go on, open up, dollface." Fez stares at me with wide eyes. What the fuck am I supposed to do? My lip quivers as I attempt to reject the offer. "I don't want it. I... I have to-" "Nah, come on." Mouse demands. "We can do it at the same time. On three." He smirks at Rue, her own does of fet on a separate knife. "One..." God, please... "Two..." Fez fucking do something... "Three..." My lips go over the cold metal simultaneously with Rue. "Yeah, good girls."

I watch Fez as I pull away from the knife. What am I suppose to feel like... Oh, shit... I let my head fall feeling weightless. I can't move, but I feel so fucking good, why do I want to?

"Fezz," I mumble against the couch arm. "Aw, Shawty all fucked up." Mouse laughs as he takes a seat next to Rue, slinging her legs on his lap.

"It hits quick. You like the way that feels?" I hear the voices slowly, pure joy coursing through my blood. I wish I could comprehend my words. I want to dance with Fez in the living room, but I can't move.

-Fezco-

She's just fucking laying there motionless. She never even tripped acid or rolled molly. She doesn't even know where she's at.

"You want a couple of patches, girl?" Mouse asks Rue, gaining her response, "Okay." Mouse sticks two patches on Rue's legs, drumming at her skin. "It's gonna cost you 300."Rue doesn't speak causing Mouse to antagonize, "Come on. Pay up, little sis." "I only have two dollars." Mouse demands, "I said 300."

"Yo, Mouse. Let me pay for it, man." I state, my eyes never leaving (Y/n) face as she slides lower into the couch. "I thought you were too good for Fentanyl. What is it? Everybody's changing their motherfucking minds on me? If she can't afford it, she gonna have to find another way of paying me. Straight up."

"Yo, man, just let me pay for it. I got the money right here. Here." I pull out $300 cash handing it to him. he snatches it quickly, "Dang. Big brother must love you. It's gonna cost you 600 now, man."

"Damn. You gonna do me like that, bruh?" "Yeah, I'm gonna do you like that. Straight up. Get that shit. There it is. I just made your bitch feel amazing. It's always a pleasure doing business with you." Mouse passes the rest of the Fentanyl over as he takes the other $300. Mouse and Custer leave with no other words. I toss the bag of fet at Ash. "Go flush that shit down the toilet, and go grab the Narcan, just in case." I look down at the two girls with guilt.

Rue's body leaned over on (Y/n) as she leans on the arm of the couch. "I'm so happy," Rue mumbles softly.

I sit on my knees petting (Y/n)'s head. "I'm so sorry, ma." She runs her finger against my arm, "I feel so good." She hums with a small smile, her eyes closed in bliss. "I know baby."

[arrowfleur]

The ‘Sunlight Thing’

A somewhat sick fic with Darlin and Sam growing closer with the pack, can be read over over on Ao3

Words: 3k Chapter: 1/2

Sam looked down at the box in his hands, Asher had stayed to watch him unwrap it, beaming happily. He turned the box around trying to figure out exactly what it was supposed to be. It was definitely a device of some sort, whatever it was, Ash had gone out of his way to buy it for him and Sam was grateful. He looked up at the wolf, smiling back. “Thanks, Ash. I- Thanks.  

“Welcome. Do you know what it is?” The Beta laughed quietly, no malice behind his words, there never was.  

Sam shuffled uncomfortably, “Well, um, no. Not exactly.” The vamp was suddenly very appreciative that the Beta had decided to give him his present in the kitchen, so it was just the two of them. He was never entirely sure how to react to kind gestures, like this, and was glad he didn’t have a crowd of people watching him. Sam spun the box around in his fingers again, peering at the picture on the front. “But I appreciate it none-the-less, I wasn’t expecting a gift to begin with.”  

“Aaah it’s not much, but we enjoyed playing with you the other night and thought this would help with the whole ‘sunlight’ thing.” Sam’s head lifted in slight confusion as he waited for Ash to further explain. “It’s a camera for your TV, that way we can all facetime and play from our own homes.”  

“Oh- so I just plug it in and you guys will be able to see me?”  

“Yeah!” Asher watched Sam’s expressions, searching for a sign that maybe he’d overstepped a boundary but not finding any in the vampire’s expressions. “We all have them, there’s no pressure to play or anything, but with how busy we all are with work and stuff, sometimes it’s hard to find a whole night we’re free to meet up round someone's house.” He reached for a bottle from the counter behind them, twisting the cap and drinking some before continuing. “With this we can all just log on for an hour or two and you know, I mean if you’re up for it we can play with you during the day.”  

Sam swallowed, looking towards Ash with a soft expression, pulling at the cuffs of his flannel awkwardly, slightly taken aback by the other man's kindness. He opened his mouth a couple of times before his brain had acquired enough of the correct words to form a sentence. “That’s real thoughtful of you, Asher, I- I- don't really know what to say. I’d love to play with you guys again.”  

“Yeah! You like it?” The wolfs smile managed to widen somehow as his posture straightened, any uncertainty he’d been holding in about the present, easing out of him.  

“Yeah, I might have to get Darlin to help me set it up but, thank you Ash, really.” Sam placed a firm hand on the wolfs shoulder, it hadn’t taken long for him to learn touch was a large part of shifter culture and although he wasn’t exactly big on it himself, he knew a small gesture like that went a long way with the wolves he’d come to love.  

“Ahh, don’t worry about it buddy, I’m just happy you like it. Now come on, the stealth bought David one of those cringy ‘Alpha wolf’ comic T’s and I wanna see his face when he opens it.”  

-  

“I’ve got him, I’ve got him, I’ve- awww fuck.” Asher’s voice boomed through the speaker into the vampires living room as the screen displayed the four men’s scores. Milo winning SMASH for the second time that night.  At home game nights with the pack had become an increasingly common occurrence for Sam ever since his wolf had set up Asher’s gift to him.   

To Sam’s poorly hidden delight he’d actually managed to place 3 rd this time instead of dead last, David taking the losing place. Although to be fair to the Alpha, his mate had come in mid-match and designated his thighs to be their new seat for the remainder of the game, blocking his view. Not that he seemed to mind.  “Okay, I didn’t have him.”  

“Didn’t have me? I might as well have been on a different fuckin’ continent; you weren’t even close.” Milo laughed at his friend whilst taking a large scoop of ice-cream out of a his ‘victory celebration’ tub of Ben and Jerrys.  

“Yeah, yeah. You know you really shouldn’t talk to your Beta like that, with such blatant disrespect. It’s real hurtful Milo.” Asher feigned a hurt expression, placing his hand on his chest and throwing his head back into his headrest.  

“The only thing disrespectful here, is that you, you actually thought you had a chance at winning.”   

“You got in four more hits than me!” Ash whined, already setting up the next match. “Back me up here. Sam?”  

“Oh I ain’t saying nothin’, I’m just glad I didn’t come in last again.”  

“David?”  

The Alpha looked up to the screen, having seemingly been more focused on his mate than his packmates bickering. “Mmm, you got about as close to beating Milo as he did to being able to ride the adult coasters at six flags.” Angel gently slapped their fiancé on the chest, giving him a playfully stern look.  

“Be nice, Davey-id.”  

“I’m just saying he fell a bit short , Angel.”  

“You fucks, how am I still the one getting shit here? I won!” Milo threw his arms up in the air, almost spilling his dessert as everyone else sniggered at his lively display of annoyance. David’s mate chimed in with some support for the targeted wolf, which seemed to calm him down slightly, Milo accepting the compliments graciously.   

Sam heard the front door open and close quietly, taking away his attention from the commotion in front of him, Darlin. They’d taken up going on nightly runs recently, their reasoning being that they appreciated the scenery Wonder-World has to offer, although the Vamp knew the reason ran deeper than that. And even though they’d agreed to start going before the sun had fully set, it was still a relief hearing their pounding heart-beat making its way up the drive, returning home.   

“Darlin’?”  

He could still hear the music playing through their headphones as the wolf hummed back in confirmation it was them. “Wait is Tanker there?” Angel jumped towards the camera excitedly, trying to spot them in the room.   

“Yeah, just gotten in.”  

Bottles jingled as they retrieved something from the fridge before entering the living room, approaching their mate, energy drink in hand. Sam smiled, that fluttery feeling ever present in his stomach whenever he saw them, especially after a workout. Tight black clothes clinging to their sweat covered skin. Greetings to the wolf travelled in abundance through the tv as Darlin sat down next to their mate.  

“Hey.” Darlin replied, a wolf of few words. Sam could feel the heat radiating off of them even though they’d decided to sit on the other end of the couch. He held his hand out to move them in closer and they reluctantly took it. “I’m all sweaty.” was all they supplied in explanation to his silent question of their distance.   

“You gonna play a game with us?” Milo placed the lid back on what was now undoubtedly an empty tub of ice-cream before relaxing back in his chair. “I’m getting real bored of beating these shits, could use some actual competition to keep things fun”  

“It’s tempting, but no thanks, I need a shower.”  

“You sure? Not even one game?” Asher added after declaring that he had in fact, also won twice so far that night.  

“Yeah, any other night and I’d be happy to put you both in your place.” They goaded as Angel laughed in the background.   

Darlin pulled the tab open on their red bull and Sam watched in shock for second. He always gave his wolf the benefit of the doubt and figured they’d grabbed it to press against their skin as a sort of makeshift ice-pack, to cool them down. They did that a lot in the summers when they started running a little bit too hot.  

“You can’t drink that, Darlin.”  

“Yeah, I know I know the caffeine’s bad for me-” They moved to take a drink and Sam stopped them, gently placing his fingers against the can and pushing it back slightly but not touching them.  

“Not what I mean,” They lowered the drink and placed it on the coffee table, tilting their head slightly, perplexed. “You ain’t allowed to drink or eat anything now, until tomorrow. Did ya forget?” His lips lifted at the corners softly as the realisation setting in was shown so clearly by Darlin’s disappearing smirk. They had forgotten.   

“Oh. Yeah.”  

“Oooh are you intermittent fasting? I heard that’s like good for your heart or something.” Asher chimed in, ever curious.  

“No, no I'm-,” Darlin paused, looking to their mate for support. They hadn’t told anybody but Sam. They didn’t want people to ‘overreact’. As much as the wolf was grateful for their growing relationship with the pack, and they really were, sometimes their care felt overbearing. Tank wished it didn’t, wished that accepting well wishes and comfort wasn’t difficult. Hoped that one day, finding their apartment full of pack members after they had been injured wouldn’t surprise them so much. That it would feel normal, be normal. But accepting such open displays of affection didn’t come naturally to them and it was difficult. They were working on it... “-I have um, surgery tomorrow.” 

Sam squeezed their hand in reassurance, as the other wolves facial expressions on the screen twisted into confusion simultaneously.  

“Surgery? What for?” Having to use human healing methods was extremely uncommon amongst empowered people, especially shifters. Milo set down his controller, all ears and clearly worried.  

“It’s nothing bad. Just getting my appendix taken out, don’t worry about it.” Darlin’s half-assed attempt to brush of their friend’s concerns was unsuccessful, to say the least.   

“How come you can’t go to a healer?”  

“Are you okay?”  

“Is there anything we can do?”  

Darlin looked to Sam again, overwhelmed by the number of questions being thrown at them at once. Sam usually didn’t like speaking for his partner, he knew it was important for them to learn how to handle things like this, that they struggled with, and often opted to just be there as support instead of taking over the situation. However, this time he could see them drawing in on themselves, all hunched shoulders and pleading eyes. So, he decided that he’d need to do a little bit more than that. “We can heal the blockage that causes the appendicitis, that’s what we’ve been doin’ but that doesn’t stop it from swellin’ back up again. So, in the long run, it’s better to just have it removed, ‘fore it becomes a bigger issue.” He supplied, his eyes gently encouraging Darlin to answer the other two questions themself.  

“I’m fine really. You all know Sam’s a healer, so I'm not in any pain or anything.”  

David leaned forward, folding his arms over on his desk. “Is there anything we can do to help?” He repeated, slightly furrowing his eyebrows in the way he always did when he was being serious, or going into ‘Alpha-mode’ as Angel liked to call it.  

They hadn’t bothered answering the last question for a reason. Now that the pack knew, there was no doubt in Darlin’s mind that they’d be in and out of Sam’s house to check up on them whether Tank asked for it or not. “No, not really, thanks.” They fiddled with their hands uncomfortably, unable to look their alpha in the eye, even through Sam’s Tv. Healing magic was still going to be used to heal the wound so Darlin’s recovery wasn’t going to take nearly as much time as it would if they had the procedure done at an unempowered hospital.   

“Not really?” Of course David only picked up on that part. “If you need anything Tank then tell us, we want to help.”  

Darlin’ sighed quietly and Sam nodded at them. The pair already had a conversation about asking the pack for this particular favour and although his wolf took ‘facing things alone’ to extreme levels, they really didn’t have any other choice here other than to ask for help .   

After a minute of contemplative silence, Darlin answered. “Are you working tomorrow?”  

“Nah, we’ve all got the day off, no gig tomorrow.” Milo supplied.  

“I get out of surgery in the morning and Sam won’t be able to pick me up till sunset. I don’t really like staying in hospitals...” They trailed off, clenching Sam’s hand tightly. Why was this so hard for them?  

“We can pick you up!” Angel offered, still sat firmly on David’s lap. They were always good at jumping in at the right times, taking pressure off of others. “Can’t we David.”  

“Yes, of course. What time will we need to be there?”  

“Around eleven, if that’s ok.”  

“Ok, eleven, no problem.”    

Tank resisted the urge to double check if it was alright, knowing it was pointless. David Shaw never said anything he didn’t mean; he wouldn’t have agreed if he wasn’t certain. Instead, they simply thanked him and his partner before excusing themselves to go shower.  

Sam watched them walk up the stairs before returning his attention to his Tv, Ash and Milo were already bickering again, light-heartedly, but David had gone stiff. Expression much sterner, upset. Sam was grateful that his Darlin’ had gained the courage to ask, the idea of them having to wait for him, uncomfortable and most likely dazed from the healing magic made his teeth ache, and not in the good way. He wondered if David was looking at him like that because he was disappointed. Sam knew a lot of people were suspicious of him when he first started hanging out with his wolf, which was fair. They had a bad experience with a vampire and Sam was sure he could prove that he was nothing like Quinn. That he was so much more than just his turning. And he was.  

He however could not change the fact that he was bound to the confines of the night and every now and then wondered, when the sun was high and he couldn’t bring himself to sleep, that maybe the fangs and the biting and the power he had over Darlin’ wasn’t the only problem people saw with their relationship. But the power’s he didn’t have. The laws of his nature, he had no choice but to obey, altering how much he really could be there for them.  

Maybe this had David realising that Sam wasn’t the best fit. No matter how many times he was referred to as a ‘good man’. Sam swallowed down his sudden embarrassment, thankful when Milo offered another game and pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts.  

“Yeah, I’m up for one more.”  

-  

Darlin leaned against the tiles, cooling their skin, and resisted the urge to sit down and just let the shower swallow them whole. The water streaming down relaxed their muscles as they rolled their shoulders back over and over again. Trying to rid themselves of an almost constant ache between their shoulder blades.  

The wolf tilted their head back, willing the water to take their thoughts with it as it washed over their face and hair. They could have gotten out a while ago.  

 They told their self over and over again that being scared didn’t help anything. Didn’t change anything. But their brain wouldn’t listen. Filling their head with the worst possible scenarios.  

“It’s just surgery.” They reminded themselves under short breaths. “Nothing to be scared of.” Maybe if they said it out loud, their mind would listen?  

Darlin turned the tap off and stepped out onto Sam's heated floor. Thankful the mirror was fogged up, they wrapped themselves in a large towel, watching the water vapour swirl around under white lights.  

“Darlin’? You okay in there?” The wolf opened the door instead of answering verbally, smiling up at their mate. Sam smiled at them in that soft way he always did when he could tell something was wrong. “You wanna cuddle?”  

They grinned, “I’m a bit wet right now, cowboy.” There was a soft tapping where droplets fell of their hair, down their back and onto the floor.  

Sam grabbed a smaller towel off the rack and held it up. “I can fix that?” They nodded, dropping their head down so he could dry their hair with it, resisting the urge to shake and splatter water all over him.  

He moved forward before pausing, his socks soggy. “Oh, for f-. Need to fix that shower screen, keeps leakin’. I don’t think the seals workin’ properly.” He continued working the towel through their hair, gently, always.  

Darlin giggled, looking up at him from the side. “I don’t know whether to make a joke about the leaking, or you getting wet.”  

Sam pulled the towel off and the shifter stood up straight again, “You, are perverse. Can I do anythin’ without you turning it into an innuendo?” He smirked.  

They shrugged.  

“Come on, let’s get you some dry socks.”  

“Hmm.”  

Sam had laid out some clean clothes on the bed for them to change into, boxers and a baggy t-shirt. They always brought their own but ended up sleeping in his more often than not. They didn’t mind. Sam smelled like wood, whiskey, wildflowers and sometimes old spice. It travelled over to his clothes and it was, nice .  

Once changed they climbed under the covers to meet their mate. His arms wide, requesting they cuddled in close, knowing how they liked to rest on his chest. Darlin obliged. For once ready to settle in for the night.  

He laid his hand at the base of their back, his touch firm and grounding, whilst they traced patterns across his torso. Random shapes, trees, a sun and a moon. Anything that came mind. They wondered if Sam could tell what they were drawing.  

They relaxed into him, the sound of his heartbeat growing distant as they drifted off.  

“You’re gonna be just fine Darlin.”  

“I know.”  

“I know.”  

“I love you.”  

“I love you too.”  

“Thank you.” They breathed into his chest before finally falling asleep. Warm and safe. Loved.