#When i first started playing the game in early 2021 it was so much fun and now I barely play it cause its shit

[pronounrespector]

That was the worst fortnite event I've ever seen my older brother and xbox friends genuinely can't stop laughing about it 😭

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[mackerelphones]

"Game of the year," the coveted status one awards only to what video game one liked most of all the ones they played that year.

GotY 2023: Pheonotopia: Awakening. Tons of fun from start to end. Tens of hours of nonstop entertainment that kept me hooked for weeks. For comparison, most video games don't even lose my interest because they never gain it in the first place. Perhaps I should finish the video review I was making of it

GotY 2024: Dungeon Munchies. No contest. Unfortunately, the gameplay is just fine, and it is definitely not optimized for controllers. But the storytelling in this goes so much harder than anyone could possibly expect that I fell in love with it. Exactly the exhilarating mixture of farce, horror, and extreme sadness that I search for. One of those where whenever I wasn't playing it, I was chomping at the bit to get back to it

Honorable mentions for 2023 and 2024: Dead Estate and Anthology of the Killer

Dead Estate: Many hours (70!) of fun and entertainment. The final update came out this year, so it's finally complete. The new Steam thumbnail does sort of spoil the surprise that the cast of characters is larger than it first appears, though

Anthology of the Killer: This series of comedy-horror adventures has been trickling out episode by episode since 2020 but was only completed in 2024 with the final episode, "Face of the Killer." Because I've been playing each episode as it came out since 2021, I don't feel like this qualifies as my GotY 2024. Consistently clever and brilliant. Just one perfect line and memorable scene after another, for hours. Erudite, delightful, hilarious but also surprisingly haunting. I think about it often

***

I barely played any video games released in 2024 itself. The only ones I can recall are Felvidek, the Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake, and Psychopomp: Gold (and of course Anthology of the Killer, but since it began coming out in 2020, I do not consider it as "belonging" to 2024)

Felvidek is surprisingly difficult. The mistakes in the fake Early Modern English kept ripping me out of it so that I never got invested. I found it kind of embarrassing, and such a letdown when the graphics are so striking and the setting so unique. Maybe if I kept going it would have hooked me, but I think I'd have to start over for the challenge to be possible

PMTTYD remake has much nicer graphics than the rather ugly original, but the new OST is usually too noisy. Some of the new tracks layer it on too thick. But even so, it is PMTTYD, so it's 5/5. Something-something Vivian (the longest thing I posted online in 2024)

Psychopomp: Gold has a fantastic aesthetic, dark and pixely and grimy, but the narrative, such as it is, has little to offer, and the gameplay is also only serviceable. The story is far too concerned with "lore" to the exclusion of the characters or drama. I never cared about anything that was happening. But I can't knock that aesthetic! If you're as scared of the dark as I am, this is a very tense video game

***

I haven't posted much on any of my accounts lately because, given various events in the world, I feel there are certain things I should say, but also that they would be embarrassingly, shamefully useless to say besides my increasing fear of saying anything. So simultaneously I should say certain things before I dare say anything else, but also I shouldn't say those things at all. I don't know if I'll be more active in 2025, though I doubt it.

[the-somwthing]

Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called

Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?

Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.

So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.

But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.

3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.

But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.

My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:

Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.

You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?

But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.

Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.

So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.

[luckymousey]

The Ace traitor theory

⚠️English is not my first language⚠️

So, I have been thinking about this for a VERY long time and now that the Diasomnia arc is coming to an end, I decided to dump it all.

Like, why would Ace backstab Yuu/us?

First of all, he’s like a mysterious character(?) I only say this because we still don’t know his UM and he’s the first character we met.

I know, I know, UM normally appears in their second year, but having all the first years with unique magic apart from him and Riddle and Azul as other examples of early UM acquisition, it makes me question if Ace REALLY doesn’t have his UM yet? It could be that Ace is going to be the only one of the first years who’ll get his UM through the normal way, but, I still think about other possibilities.

We all know how much he likes to lie, like, it’s part of his personality, if he doesn’t lie, he’s not Ace. So, what if he’s trying to hide it? He has shown that he doesn’t like working, and that he knows that if he shows his true potential, people will start expecting a lot from him. So if he is really hiding his it because he doesn’t want people expect a lot of him/know his true potential, what is his UM?

I bet it’s something that has to do with lying, like, changing appearance? Making people believe whatever he says if he uses it?

And what does this has to do with he backstabbing Yuu/us?

Probably nothing, but it’s still something too mysterious, now, let’s go to the part where I explain my hypothesis about his betrayal.

Yeah, he got all those romantic scenes and lines, but what if they’re fake? If the theory is real, I think he's just playing with us because he finds us funny enough to keep around, that means Ace would try to get rid of us, and that’s when he betrays us. Something like: "Ah, Yuu, this was fun until now, so I guess I need to get rid of you." That means, the whole relationship/friendship is fake, I take that as backstabbing, maybe it’s not as bad as other possibilities, but the single fact that Ace might be lying about his true feelings for Yuu/us, is already bad enough for me to think about this theory, like, man, don’t make me like with you with all those lines and worry you feel for Yuu/us, like in Halloween event or Ignihyde Arc, when he always put Yuu/us as his first priority, if you’re just going to be a traitor.

Another thing that crosses my mind is that Ace will probably backstab us after he realizes in how much danger he’s in if he doesn’t show his true strength, probably after Malleus’ overblot finished and he almost died, because we know that in moments of danger, he likes to be with people who are strong, like in Halloween 2021 event, when he flatters Leona in order to be allowed to accompany him and be protected by him, he would be like: "fuck, surrounding me with these people isn’t going to help at all, I’ve to do it all by myself."

Also, something everyone noticed is that his last name/surname doesn’t have anything to do with his symbol, and that Riddle’s last name/surname is Rosehearts, instead, Ace’s surname is (probably, not sure of this, but I read this a lot) a reference to the Trappola game, where the ace is the most powerfully card. And honestly, Ace is indeed very powerful, not in magical field, but yes in the rest, he has shown having enough intelligence to lie and to mislead people, being able to speak up when something wasn’t of his liking, like when Riddle was literally beheading everyone who was near him; and doing fast mathematical calculations, as shown in Pomefiore Arc.

He might say stupid things, and he does say them, but he’s definitely not the idiot he might seem.

He’s also able to copy people’s movements, like in the Platinum Jacket event, he says he marched in the right way after seeing how his seniors did it, and he did it after seeing one single time, and to be honest, I’m sure that takes a lot of effort, because me at least wouldn’t be able to copy someone by just watching them once.

And that only makes me think about the true intellect and power he has.

This is a theory, so it might be some kind of stupidity and Ace probably will end up being the same one braincell person we all know.

That’s everything for now, anyways, here’s a meme for you.

[dancingontheblades]

18 for the fic writer asks?

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you! Darkness took me and I strayed out of thought and time. No, honestly, it's been a couple of agonisingly busy weeks.

That being said, I was delighted when I saw your ask! Thank you for being interested in my writing process!

18.) if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

Since I regularly back up my works on an external hard drive, I just went through the folder that contains an early draft of my YOI novelisation and picked a scene, which I remember changing significantly in the revision process because my research on Japanese dating culture completely changed my perspective and my approach on writing the chapters startin from episode 5 ff.

So here's the early and unrevised version of Chapter 27 "The drop-dead dog date" from 2021. Back then, it was Chapter 13 (the story got almost twice as long during revision lol):

“Let’s do something together,” Viktor said as he pushed his bike across the parking lot. “Once the Grand Prix Series starts, there won’t be much spare time left.” The Grand Prix Series ... The upcoming season lurked on the horizon like a demon, waiting to pounce on Yūri and devour him. Although unlike a couple of months ago he was confident of winning, he tried not to think too often about it and instead focused on his training. Wanting to win and making it to the podium were two different pairs of skates. “Doing together what?” he asked. “We’re already spending most of our waking hours together.” They walked down the road back to town. More leaves tumbled onto the pavement, spinning in spirals and whirls like figure skaters dancing Agape and Eros intertwined. Yūri could have watched them for hours lost in his fantasies in which these leaves became people. “I thought of some fun activity that suits the season better than swimming or sitting on the beach at night,” Viktor said. “Something that for once is not related to skating.”

And here is the published version:

One week had passed since Yuuri had voiced his kokuhaku. One week of contemplating the best way to proceed. One week too long. Viktor had responded as desired, and now it was Yuuri’s turn. As he gazed at the autumnal town spreading in front of him in the mellow October light, his determination hardened.

Under a tree, he stopped, clenching his fists. “Viktor.” Viktor stopped, confusion playing on his angelic features. “Let’s do something together.” Heat flared up on Yuuri’s face. That had come out the wrong way. “But not like gaming or swimming in the ocean—it’s too cold for the latter anyway. Let’s go out. Like, let’s start seeing each other. I mean, not like we see each other every day. But in a romantic way.” Viktor blinked. Then his eyes which were like slivers of the autumn sky widened. “Are you asking me on a date, Yuuri?” Yuuri nodded. “But… I’ve never dated before. There’s not much one can do in this town except for karaoke, and I’m still traumatised from that one.” The heat on his face intensified. I’m so awkward. This is so embarrassing! “But I really want to start dating you. I’ve—” With a deafening clatter, Viktor’s bike crashed onto the pavement as he flung his arms around Yuuri. “Yuuri! I’m so happy you asked!”

The difference between those two versions pretty much shows why it's essential for me to finish a draft, do proper research on the cultures of my characters, and revise the story at least twice before I can even think of handing it over to a beta and posting it.

Thank you again for asking! Going through that first draft brought back so many nostalgic memories of the first months after I fell in love with YOI. I wish you a lovely holiday season 💖

Question taken from this post. If you like to know more about my writing process, please don't hesitate to ask!

[storytellering]

When and how did you discover DMC? And what makes you love the franchise?

Ohh, great question anon! Personally I was always kinda peripherally aware of DMC as a franchise - when I was early in middle school (around 10/11) I started really getting into anime and manga, and that was before I really spoke fluent english that much, so I was primarily looking for stuff that was either dubbed or subtitled in my native language - there was one TV channel that broadcasted dubbed anime, and it was really not that many back in the day... but somehow, the dmc TV anime was one of those! I really loved it, and I must've rewatched it a billion times - it was one of the late night programs so I remember sneaking out past my bedtime to plug my headphones into the TV and watch it, haha. But still, I didn't own any game consoles, and I didn't know how to use the internet too well yet, so all I could do was think "oh, dmc sounds so cool, sure wish I could actually play the games and get more context some time.", and it kinda stayed that way for the rest of my life! In 2019, even though it was completely out of my immediate sphere, I heard word of dmc5 out on the internet, and though I'd forgotten most of what I'd gathered back in middle school with the anime, I did remember it being something I'd been peripherally interested in for a long time, and then - I admit it, I was startstruck by how hot the main 3 characters looked on the cover art, LMAO. I still couldn't play most games (all I had was the aforementioned nds, a wii u, and and older mac laptop), BUT exactly for that reason I'd learned to just watch playthroughs of the games I was interested in - and i was immediately interested in dmc5, like I said at a glance just bc every character was very attractive to me, but you know how it is, my dick has lead me to places I wouldn't even go with a gun, etc etc. I just had this almost fugue state moment of reading everything I could on the wiki about the plot, the lore and the characters, saving a cutscene movie video of the game to watch later, and being SO into how pretty much every ship would be incestuous and very drawn to what that would entail for the characters, going on a fic reading binge..... and then literally forgetting ALL about it within the week. Like, literally, if you'd asked me if any of that had happened before I actually properly got into dmc, I'm not sure I would've been able to remember that happening at all. AND THEN, finally, this backstory comes to a head in december 2020/january 2021 - that was the year where I got my first job, (i know, what a year to do that, LMAO. it was a waiter job too) so for the first time in my life I had a little bit of extra money to spend, and so I decided to get myself a ps4 as a christmas gift so I could finally catch up with all the franchises I'd been wanting so bad to get into but had missed out on, or those I'd had to get into via watching someone else play, and could finally experience firsthand. DMC5 was one of the very first games I got myself - and I still have texts with my best friend from that time to remind me exactly when the very first time I booted the game was (january 15th, 2021). I'd like to say it was love at first sight, but it actually... kinda wasn't. I had forgotten most of my past interest, and at the time, I just kinda experienced it as a game that was really fun, really cool, and kinda put to the back of my mind (though I will say - my immediate reaction WAS that I'd genuinely, honestly never had that much fun playing a game before. Like - maybe it's because I hadn't really played any console game up to that point, but... video games had always been something that, while i was really interested in, I just kinda suffered through to experience a story, or something I powered through because I wanted to see it through to the end, actively enjoying the process on the way there was rare, for me - and dmc was genuinely just fun. Even without the plot to drive it forwards, I liked playing it just to play it, and that was like an INSANE concept to me back then lol).

(I'll have to continue this in a RB bc it turned out I have way too much to say and going way over the character limit WHOOPS stay tuned lol)

[pmcs]

LONG POST: KERSTIVIA IS BACK

hi paper mario tumblr 👋 it has been a really long time... my name is apple (i also went by and still go by pie) and i used to be decently active on here in 2020-2021 but kind of lost interest to put it simply. BUT i have decided to come back because i cannot believe my eyes. the super duper rarepair i made when i was 15 is seeing a resurgence right now and im LOSING MY SHIT. shortly after origami king came out (i want to say early august) i coined the ship "kerstivia" which is the pairing of kersti (paper mario sticker star) and olivia (paper mario the origami king). MUCH MORE UNDER THE CUT

part i: a little background...

now i want to start this by saying im not trying to be all like "i was here first everyone back off no fun allowed" its moreso like "i cannot believe this ship i made when i was a kid is still alive and well" and just wanted to provide some context and some behind the scenes if you will as well as some of my old art! i feel like it could be kind of fun.

to start, my medibang files did not transfer over to my new phone, and my old phone has since been factory reset and given to someone else so sadly i dont have the original art files with dates attatched or anything. i also used to have a discord server where id archive my art done on my laptop which has also since been deleted as well as my entire account

i also deactivated my old tumblr where i posted my art because it was cringe but i believe i was under the username stickerstarz or royalstickers. you see i had an obsession with "canon" usernames on EVERYTHING when i was younger so it makes it a little hard to keep up with everything going forward -__-

however i have access to a very old private spam instagram account of mine that has posts from may 2020 to january 2021 that i posted on CONSTANTLY. i wont censor the username cuz it doesnt matter and i dont use it anymore but i logged in just to put my tumblr username in bio to prove this is me i guess LOL its kinda dumb. HOWEVER i may censor some of the captions on these posts because it was a spam/private account and i talked kind of personal on there and to be blunt i was 15 and going insane. MOVING ON

some of the screenshots may have a username/signature cropped out. it is because again allllll my accounts used to have canon usernames, and a lot of them are taken by other people present day. however, some are signed with "appy" which is a shortening of my name, apple. i also used to go by the name "cee" so some signatures are a cursive cee with a drawing of an apple next to it. clearly i was having a little bit of an identity crisis in 2020. hope this clears things up

part ii: the art itself

ill be splitting this into three to four sections: canon designs, human designs, and au designs + human/other au designs. ill touch briefly on my old au when i get to it. had to get around the image limit so please click to zoom in on images and all that if you so wish. REMINDER I WAS 15 AND THESE ARE OLD.

canon designs

note: heres some of my canon design art i did... note i gave Kersti some "hands" in my design for her at some points i just wanted her to have hands sometimes. theyre like magic orb things i guess

human designs

note: i changed my designs for them a lot so there may be some inconsistencies as i figured out what i liked

au designs

note: so back in the day i had a little au where Kersti was also in pmtok but she had been "repurposed" as a folded soldier i think (??? like those cutout guys. like with handaconda? i havent played the game in years and im not looking up the name so idgaf if im wrong) so this was my design for her and thats why she has blocky limbs. my Olivia is more jesterful here in some of them because i wanted her to be a jester. im not going into detail about the au bc it sucks and i forgot it all but theres some context why they look like that LOL

other au designs

note: heres my human designs of my au Kerstivia. also a post from my (also now inactive) art account with a Kersti who took on the form of a boo just for fun. never really went anywhere with that

part iii: miscellaneous stuff and thrilling conclusion

so yeah theres most of my art... one more thing i want to add is if you go on ao3 and try and find Kerstivia ship fics there is one fic. THAT I AM NOT NAMING. by an orphaned author. that i wrote also when i was 15. its bad and i dont write like that anymore but yes that was also me. SIGH.

well anyway, i think thats kind of everything...

if youre wondering what im up to nowadays paper mario is still my special interest so im still into it! it is forever near and dear to my heart. however very shortly after the original creation of Kerstivia i started selfshipping with Huey which has been my primary focus for *checks my notes* A LITTLE OVER 4 YEARS NOW. my autism has led me to other places. ive had this sideblog brewing for a little bit but i suppose this is my grand return to paper mario tumblr? so if youd like to follow that would be fun im gonna draw you guys Kerstivia very soon for old times sake so get excited ^u^

TLDR: EVERYONE GET MORE KERSTIVIA NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 💛🩵

note: sorry for the repost tumblr freaked out and posted this originally with no files LOL

[moltenwrites]

Thanks @nczaversnick for the tag!

I got tagged for a character name origins tag, but I did that very recently, and the post also mentioned talking about the characters origins, which I’ll gladly yap about!

The Artist

Gotta be honest, it feels odd that Ive BARELY talked about the artist here considering how important they are to How Our World Ended. The Artist is a God who can create universes, and observes them

The artist is a literal outline of a person, with a white line covering their eyes. They exist within a black void, as a result of destroying their own universe. The origin for this character is odd, and many years old, but I’ll try to get a good timeline.

Initially, they were just a character for me to project negative thoughts onto. Then, the idea of them being a creator of universes came into my mind. They were first put into a story during a OLD assignment which I unfortunately do not have access to anymore. While it was bad, it solidified the character in my mind. And they always stayed in the back of my mind, untill I came up with How Our World Ended. And considering how important they are to the ending, and hell, the universe of Souls Collide, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them ( random note, but I feel like the watcher from What If was a big inspiration of the concept )

RES

Ugh, so this one is a littttle embarrassing. A lot of my older ideas have evolved a lot, and that includes the early stages where they were inspired by some…. Odd stuff ( you don’t wanna know how souls collide itself started )

Anyways, if I remember right, I always liked the idea of doing a more medieval fantasy story. Souls Collide takes place in current times, so that line of thought was always an interesting thought experiment. Anyways, in 2021 I was watching the game awards because I had nothing better to do. I was kinda zoning out, untill the live performance of the song enemy started playing. And as it played, the premise of How our World Ended, or at least a rough outline, hit me. And as time went on, more music inspired more about the story. Hells coming with me by Poor Man’s Poison gave me an idea for a second half of the story that was, admittedly, terrible. But the ending, that was cool, and it stayed. That song also gave me the rough outline of what I wanted Res to be. A revenge fueled fire soul was how he initially was gonna be. But as time went on, a lot changed. I changed him to be an ice soul, as the protagonist of souls collide is already a fire soul, and I didn’t want to overlap that. Then, Res became more fueled by grief. Now, Res is cold and calculated. He works as a vigilante of sorts, and is far more caring once he gets to know someone.

Oof- that was long, I’ll do a quick lighting round of origins that are WAY shorter.

Salazar

Two big inspos for this guy. Firstly, I always wanted to do something similar to the organization 13 from kingdom hearts. Salazar, and his past in the council of fate, was initially gonna fill that role. Over time, the council shrunk and that role more fell to the gods. Then, for his explicit personality, it was heavily inspired by moon waltz by cojum dip. Something about it just fit the guy, and me misinterpreting the wrestling mask of the album cover as a masquerade mask 100% shaped both his chilling personality and his design

Nelios

Okay I think this one is just funny. So, I didn’t plan this book well. At all. I kinda just went “ fuck it “ and let it happen. That’s why the first draft is VERY rough atm. Anyways, Nelios wasn’t originally in the story at all. I was just gonna name drop him, and maybe give him a scene or two, but when I wrote a full chapter of him, I loved him so much, he became VITAL to the story. His personality came from a mix of “ how can I make an arrogant asshole likable? “ and “ how can one make this guy a fun ass character to write “

Okay I rambled for WAYYY to long there, but I have a lot to say haha. Anyways, tag list time.

Tagging @aintgonnatakethis @ddgraywrites @jjoneswriting @revenantlore @noxxytocin @yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @theverumproject @autism-purgatory @gioiaalbanoart @the-letterbox-archives

@mk-writes-stuff

+ OPEN TAG

[thefreelanceangel]

(Count)Down to Dawntrail: FREE DAY

July of 2019, I downloaded the trial for FFXIV.

Up until then, I'd been in GW2 for over seven years. It'd given me a roommate (ilu Rory) and helped me reconnect with the man who I ended up marrying (ilu honeybun). It'd also become a game I couldn't even look at without sighing heavily.

(That fucking map currency grind... UGH.)

I wanted to try something else, see if I could find a game that'd be fun to play. And as both my "screamy baby brother" (ilu Chaos) and one of the people I'd admired most in GW2 (ilu @mirugaidoesthings) were in FFXIV, well...

I made a catgirl, named her after an old tabletop NPC (RIP the OG Callie...) and started poking around.

I very quickly slid over to Mateus (because up until FFXIV, I was an RPer first, content later... maybe sort of person) and ... well, I fell in love. With C'allie, with Eorzea, with the gameplay and mechanics, and definitely with GPose. (July 10, 2019 is when Chaos told me about the GPose feature and... well I never quite stopped.) And as I dragged my then-boyfriend into playing, he fell in love with Eorzea, too.

It's hard to really explain just how much time, energy, fun, frustration, and enjoyment we've gotten from FFXIV in the years since. Or how much the story of Eorzea came to mean to us. (The Ceremony of Eternal Bonding music was playing at our RL wedding.) We've met some amazing people--the players of Thravnar, Zale, and Targur for instance--and it's given me the chance to reconnect with old friends. (@mirugaidoesthings & @rylen-ooc <3)

Shadowbringers might as well have just been written specifically for me. Monstrous angels, a complex villain, a story with such resonating themes... I'd enjoyed A Realm Reborn and I'd cried over Heavensward (yes, over Haurchefant... who I ended up naming my cat after) but Shadowbringers might as well have been marketed with my name on it.

And then in late November-early December of 2021, Endwalker's release coincided with my soon-became-husband's cancer diagnosis. I played through the first section of the MSQ while he slept off his first round of chemo. I was scared and emotional and trying my best to deal with the stress of keeping our finances together while visiting him during his hospitalizations and juggling everything that such things require.

Endwalker hugged me. It told me that life is scary, that life is a struggle, but we do it because we have each other. And I desperately needed that. Endwalker was the story I needed right then and right there. Facing down the Endsinger felt so cathartic, as if I was able to beat my husband's cancer and my own stress and fear with my WHM staff.

And Endwalker is the expansion where I had to make a Warrior of Light, I couldn't separate myself from the story long enough to just experience it anymore. I needed to create a character who changed in relation to the story, who lived it, who could have the same emotions I did about it.

I've met lovely people through FFXIV--a lot of them here on Tumblr--and I've found a creative outlet I'd never imagined possible. (Thank you *coughcrimetoolscough*) I've created characters, written stories, built friendships, and found deep, personal comfort in Eorzea. I cry when I hear "Answers" now and I can list the Scions off without pausing. I've baked Norvrandt's cookie biscuits, hung FFXIV art in my house, and can recognize more of the music than I've EVER listened to for ANY other game.

Dawntrail is the next step in a journey I'm eager to continue with all of you. May we ever walk in the light of the Crystal.

[thegreatbacon]

Let Me Tell You About Acquire, I'm Dyin' To Tell You About Acquire

The first & longest of my “Bootlegging Board Game” projects centers on an old 3M game called Acquire.

Originally published in 1964, I first played it with my high school board game crew in 2018. They had found it at a yard sale for cheap and thought it entertaining enough that it kept getting pulled off the shelf for game night. 

I could immediately see why. It scratches a similar itch to Settlers of Catan, and unlike Catan, supports up to 6 players. We played a few rounds over the weekend before I returned home. When I looked it up online, it was off the market at the time and I wasn’t really interested in picking up a used copy, so it faded into history for me.

"An original 3M edition of Acquire"

At some point in 2021 though, me & my high school board game crew found ourselves sitting online in Tabletop Simulator looking for a game to play. “What about Acquire?” I suggested. Everyone agreed, and all the joy of that one weekend came rushing back. All the things I loved about it were still there!

At the top of my list of things I love about the game, are two qualities that are somewhat superficial. But, as a not-so-young adult with a partner who has not been playing board games with the same crew of highly competitive guys since the age of 8, these 2 qualities are very important to keeping peace in my house.

"In the time it took to set this up, we could have played 2 rounds of Catan."

To start, games must be simple to learn and finish within an hour. I no longer have the time for those long afternoons of Risk or Monopoly and my partner does not have the patience for the lengthy setups of Axis & Allies or Arkham Horror that once dominated my high school days.

Almost as important, is that no one gets eliminated from the game. Its mode of competition is much more indirect. And while it's still possible to put pressure on others at the table, there’s no way for 5 players to gang up on an early leader and push them out of the game entirely. Considering the social nature of games, I find it essential for every player to stay involved and engaged in the game for as long and often as possible.

"In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity." - Sun Tzu

On the opposite end of the spectrum, setting it apart from games like Go & Chess, my favored games must also include randomness & opportunity for table talk, which allows players to set up strategies and direct the flow of things without necessarily taking game actions. I think a fun and important part of developing and deploying strategy is having to deal with unaccounted for elements.

While some people find the concept of a “perfect” Chess game compelling, I find it boring. The chaos is where the fun is (just like the real world). So, what better way to introduce chaos than to roll a die or try and talk other people into working with you (or at least against another player).

"A modern, Wizards of the Coast edition of Acquire in play."

All of these are the qualities that originally drew me to Catan, hence why I found Acquire so suited to my taste. In fact, most of these traits can generally be found in the genre of Eurogame, a genre I adore, and of which Catan is the gold standard. Imagine my surprise then, when a few years ago I learned that Acquire was in fact the ur-Eurogame!

Exported to a post-war Germany looking for alternatives to war games, Acquire and other games from 3M’s bookshelf game series would go on to inspire German board game designers in the 80s & 90s and lead directly to Catan. Knowing where we’ve been and where we are in this genre of board games, I look forward to seeing where the next of this genre will take us.

Also, if you’re curious about exploring the history of this board game genre, a new edition of Acquire is on the market now or if you’re patient, stay tuned for future posts where I outline how to make your own copy of this now classic game.

(Honestly, if you’ve made it this far, if you just DM me mentioning you want to “join the creator’s commonwealth" I’ll hook you up with the pattern or kit to make your own now.)

[rumbletumblegalaxy-2]

so I rewatched the best of videos this week

first of all - new thumbnail art for 2020 and 2021 done by Shenpai!! it looks awesome, she did an amazing job :3

rewatching the videos sent me on a bit of a trip down memory lane in terms of my time with RT's content and being in this wonderful community, so I wanted to ramble about it for a bit.

it's very late here, so I don't know if it'll make much sense, but I'm gonna try my best to put it all into words. just seemed like a fitting time since Dan is on holiday and his 30th is coming up, yknow?

I believe I started watching RT around early-mid 2021. I remember being in my Nana's living room, trying my best to get through homeschool. I don't remember which video is was specifically, but I ended up stumbling across RT because I watched a lot of jacksepticeye at the time.

I remember some of the most recent videos at the time when I clicked on his channel were Super Paper Mario and Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion, which really set up the tone for what my main source of entertainment from that point on would be like hahaha.

One of the first streams I remember catching live was The City Skylines Bathtub City stream - it may have been my first full stop, actually. I was still getting used to twitch, and to be quite honest I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing. I only recently made an account on there lmao.

I laughed harder than I had in ages during that stream. From there, I tried to catch as many as I could, and worked my way through the backlog of videos I had to catch up on.

The first full run of a game I caught RT playing live was Subnautica Below Zero. The first Minecraft Build Day I experienced was New Heaven.

Subnautica was never really a game I had much interest in. A game focused on exploring the ocean just wasn't my thing, yet I found myself looking forward to RT playing it. I got so invested in a game I would never have otherwise taken a glance at or enjoyed - Dan just managed to make it fun for me.

With New Heaven, I'd seen quite a lot of group builds in Minecraft and had been bracing myself for chaos. There was that, of course, but it was very controlled. It never felt like people were fighting for space or trying to show off, and everyone was being so nice to each other. Genuinely such a breath of fresh air, and my first look into how lovely this community really is.

I didn't attend the Bioshock streams since, again, it's a game that's never really appealed to me, but I did watch the highlights video a few weeks after. Somehow, it became one of my favourites to rewatch. Once again, Daniel managed to help me enjoy a game I know isn't usually my taste or on my radar, and it takes so much for that to happen with me. I know what I like, and it can be hard for me to even want to branch out a little bit, but the streams have helped me so much in that regard.

I think Dan just has this incredible skill and talent for entertaining, and also, for games he knows like Bioshock, Pokémon and Fallout, acting as a brilliant sort of storyteller.

He very much knows how to keep people engaged, and has made it so I can show up for streams with games I know nothing about knowing that I'm going to enjoy myself. It's so fun to explore a new world, either with RT's guidance, I suppose, if it's something he's familiar with, or finding out alongside him when it's something new.

Other people have said this before, but RT also has a very nice voice. For the most part, it's quite calm, so it's easy to sleep to. I have issues getting to sleep sometimes, so it's nice that I'm able to just pop on one of the Lets Play All videos and finally rest. (Shout out to the Sorcery vods also! Dan should narrate audio books or something lol).

RT's community is one of the nicest I've ever been part of. Everyone just has so much respect and encouragement for each other, and it's genuinely so lovely to see.

I love that we're able to have long running jokes, I love that we have big community projects, I love that for the most part everyone is just chilling, vibing and, hilariously, turning RT into various Tumblr sexymen. Amazing vibes, 10/10.

Thank you everyone, and thank you RT, for creating such a wonderful environment and being some of the funniest people on the internet. I always smile and laugh the hardest when I'm on RTumblr or watching one of Dan's videos. Thank you for bringing me much joy these past few years and here's to many many more.

Im very tired now, so I'm sure this isn't all I wanted to say but it's all I can think of right now.

To end this sappy post, im gonna list some of my favourite videos/series of RT's:

Persona 5 Royal - this is what got me to play Royal and develop one of my biggest hyperfixations to the point I now have a dedicated sideblog for Persona stuff on here. I will never be free.

Pokémon Black and White Nuzlockes

Hitman

Undertale

Miitopia

Bioshock

To the Moon

Before Your Eyes

Kirby and the Forgotten Land

Tears of the Kingdom

Twilight Princess

Super Paper Mario

Princess Peach: Showtime!

A Short Hike

American Arcadia

It Takes Two

An Airport For Aliens, Currently Run By Dogs

Ace Attorney

Pokémon Legends Arceus

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky

Cat Detective

Elden Ring Co-op

Penny's Big Breakaway

Daisy Mario Kart

Bugsnax

there was definitely more I wanted to say but it's 2am and I'm very tired so maybe I'll add to this later if I remember. Thanks for reading this far though, gang. Have a lovely rest of your day! :3

[cadybear420]

Holy shit it's already been 4 years since I first discovered Choices. Excuse me while I try to keep my brain from exploding

On February 2, 2021, I found the app while idly searching random shit on the Google Play store. I downloaded it expecting it to be as trashy as the ads portrayed those kinds of games as. So I planned to spend my time mocking the game and its ridiculousness that I expected from it, and then delete it once I had my fill.

One hour later, in my bed at 5:30 AM, I was playing TRR Book 1 and already at the end of chapter 1, I was swooning over Prince Liam because he was just the sweetest, and thinking to myself that this game probably has some substance.

Then after I completed TRR 1 chapter 1 I noticed TNA Book 1. That cover looked exactly like the normative kind of stuff I'd love to mock. I started playing it and it had a lot of normative mock-worthy things but it was also kind of fun in a way. It's exactly what it was on the cover and it was interesting, and it did have some genuine positives.

A couple of weeks later, later in February, TNA 1 would be the first Choices book I ever completed. Again, mock-worthy but fun and interesting. I think I either tried out Foreign Affairs or Open Heart next, though I didn't really binge through those because they felt more low-key compared to the insanity wild ride that was TNA.

I don't remember when exactly I started HSS. My earliest screenshot is from Book 1 Ch 6 and goes back to March 11, 2021 but I know I started it earlier than that. And believe you me, I was fully expecting it to be a very corny Disney Channel high school style story. Instead I got the motherfucking demon child that would rework my entire brain chemistry for the next four years and almost certainly counting.

HSS was definitely playing on some tropes and very larger than life yet at the same time, it still felt real and it played up the tropes well. I was definitely invested after the first 2-3 chapters, and I think by chapter 5 after that premium scene where you can listen to Aiden playing piano I was full-on hooked. That's when I knew for sure I was never getting rid of this app. No matter how much bullshit AI crap or whatever PB is doing nowadays, they can't take HSS away from me.

It also helped that I was feeling like utter shit early in February, partly due to my older fandom RWBY being a shitshow (do not ask). Choices and HSS was one of quite a handful of good, refreshing things that came along and gave me a sort of a fresh start.

I'm not going to go over my nostalgia for all the books because as fond as those memories are, if I did that we'd be here forever so maybe another time. But I will say that I spent the first year and a half on Choices Reddit and a couple of Discords and had some fun times there. Then sometime in June 2022 I made my blog. I was unsure about the Tumblr fandom so I joined to mainly just reblog Aiden-related stuff and mind my own business not really talking to people much.

Eventually I decided to start posting some of the edits I'd been working on in my spare time but not really sharing them much. My first ever edit I posted was the first version of Aiden's swimsuit redesign. I was really nervous about sharing it at first.

Later on I started posting a few more edits, HSS incorrect quotes and also getting involved in some of the critical discourse because it was making my brain run at 5000000 mph.

For the following year and a half I would be more active but still mostly reblogging stuff with the occasional discourse post of my own or edit. I was still very nervous about some things like more suggestive HSS headcanons and I've witnessed a couple of the arguably worse sides of the Choices fandom. Social anxiety is a bitch.

It wasn't until around October 2023 ish... or maybe July 2023 ish actually, that I started getting more immersed into more of the community. Around that point I did kind of want to start actually sharing my creations with people and not just dumping them onto my blog. I was still a bit anxious but I also hated being lonely.

And then by December 2023, I participated in my first ever Secret Pal Exchange and I greatly enjoyed it. From there, I began gradually meeting new people, new amazing friends and creators, and I began feeling more comfortable sharing ideas and things I liked.

Heh, who knew that me idly searching random shit on Google play out of boredom and feeling forlorn would lead to all this. So in honor of me having been invested in this game for four years, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you who I have met in the fandom for being a wonderful friend, for supporting my art and my edits and my fics and my headcanons and my MCs and all the rest, for creating such amazing works and MCs and headcanons of your own, and for creating such a welcoming community. I am certainly looking forward to continuing these amazing memories.

Long live the Choices fandom, HSS, and Aiden Zhou with all his class, sass, and ass.

[chimerafflesia]

Yuri Duel Links 2024

(this is literally just a masterpost of everything that made me insane over the course of the event so I can reflect and laugh/cry/etc)

first of all the sentence "Yuri Duel Links Event 2024" would have put me in a coma if you told me that say like. a month and a half ago. when Lulu and Rin came in September I was SURE it was going to be at least early 2025 before we got him. and Yet,

I was in the middle of getting ready for a concert when I got a notification from the DL subreddit of all things that said "He's Finally In" and I saw a little picture of Yuri and I was like Lol. Yeah Ok. so then I opened duel links and checked and was hit with This:

and I was like Okay. okay. cool cool cool cool. I'm gonna be so normal about this. *narrator voice* "via the tags on this post, you could see they were indeed not normal about it"

and girl sorry I wasn't gonna be normal about it like I've wanted this cunt in duel links since he landed on my radar. I knew from the first episode he appeared in that he was going to be my favorite arc-v character because I tend to have a Type when it comes to characters. it's been the same since I was like 8. sue me.

I even started getting into theory territory I was SERIOUS

(this ended up not being the case but congrats to Dumon for being the July unlock that was a lot of fun)

HOWEVER SPEAKING OF PREDICTING UNLOCKS I DO HAVE TO SAY I made this list back in MAY predicting the rest of the characters for 2024, and while some of these are very out there and Not Happening (sorry Marik and Atticus) I DID ORIGINALLY PREDICT YURI FOR AN OCTOBER UNLOCK. (Dumon for July as well) I AM LITERALLY JOHN KONAMI I GUESS.

so time goes by and I have a month to grind gems for Yuri's box because OBVIOUSLY I need a full character deck for him. would tumblr user chimerafflesia do anything less. I achieved this btw. 9999 gems the day before the event started. I was READY.

October 23rd. I literally wake up at 6am because I was so excited I was like a kid on christmas. I am hit with these screens and actually got kinda misty eyed because it was Happening

I waited 5000 years (about 7 months) to see that "Event Exclusive" in front of him and it was real and happening like CHEERS I'LL DRINK TO THAT!

I recapped a lot of my initial reactions on day one here and here but it just doesn't do it justice like I was just so excited and happy and having the time of my life playing this little freemium mobile game. I've said it like 348735 times now but duel links is genuinely so fucking amazing to me I love this game so so so much.

AND THIS EVENT WAS SO WONDERFUL!!!! THEY DID RIGHT BY HIM I WAS (AND STILL AM) SO HAPPY. HIS CHARACTERIZATION STAYED INTACT. WE GOT SOME NEW LITTLE FLAVOR DETAILS FOR HIM. THAT MAY HAVE TO BE A SEPARATE POST BUT GOD. YURI FANS WE ARE EATING GOOD.

here are some personal favorites. little problem child 🩷💜

and course this instant classic:

but there are so many. I point to this video which has all his dialouge including taunts.

look at these screenshots man like come on. I can't believe these are real. they look like images that would've been posted on reddit like 3 years ago with the caption "This Will Be Duel Links in 2024" EXCEPT IT IS.

I set up this board with all the predap extra deck mons + starving venom and was staring at it like Man We Really Won. this shit's beautiful

Just. man I feel like there's so much more I wanna say but overall it was just a really fun event. this might sound silly to some people but I really do have a special connection to yugioh in general and I do feel like it was fate when it came into my life. I really got into yugioh in April 2021 during a particurally dark time in my life and yugioh became like a lifeline for me. it was an escape. it still is. I'm always going to be grateful for this franchise.

I watched arc-v from March-April of this year (immediately after finishing zexal btw, which is the first time ever I watched two yugioh anime back to back) and to say it fried my brain is kind of an understatement like I still think about this show every day of my life. to quote my own tweet:

like. YEAH.

Yuri in particular is a fusion parasite all on his own he wormed himself into my brain and hasn't let go. I've rewatched his episodes so many times but I think I've seen arc-v episode 135 in particular roughly 124 times. could be more. it will be more.

I can't help but feel like watching arc-v this year was meant to be. (first of all, the same year I watch it FOUR arc-v characters get into duel links? divine timing if I've ever seen it) but in particular the timing of the Yuri event feels very nice. I've been dealing with some personal woes (particulary surrounding employment, amongst other things) and again this event was such an escape for me, even if just for a few hours each day. I can't wait until he's back in a few months. we will be there :)

I'm at the point where I don't really care if it's "cringe" to get this emo about shows/characters/games etc cuz at the end of the day this shit really does mean something to me man. I know what yugioh has done for me and what it'll definitely continue to do for me and I'm grateful for it <3

(PS it is really really fun to wreck people on ranked with super poly) here is a live image of me playing online duel links

[whotfisdwardy]

REMEMBER, SEKIRO, HESITATE AND YOU LOSE

After almost three years since my initial playthrough of Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, I finally beat Sword Saint Isshin. It took me that long because I had been uninstalling and re-installing the game many times, often out of frustration.

I first played Sekiro on the second half of 2021. Back then, I was still in law school so I just wanted to have fun with what I thought was a button-masher. Oh, how wrong I was.

I barely got past the first miniboss, General Naomori Kawarada. When I beat him, I jumped out of excitement and exhilaration. However, I did not know how or why I beat him. I was mashing deflect like a madman, causing my character to flail his sword every which way. It was totally uncharacteristic of the graceful shinobi Wolf was supposed to be.

Unsurprisingly, my inability to learn why I succeeded (or failed) hindered me. I could not get past the Chained Ogre. I was angry. "This is not why I play video games," I told myself, "it's just stressing me out."

I quit playing Sekiro the first time.

I tried Sekiro again after I graduated from law school. This was around early 2023. I just took the Bar Exams and I had been waiting for the results. The discipline I developed throughout the Bar Review season taught me to persevere. I treated the game like a personal challenge.

I also learned how to strategize and to "play the game the way it is meant to be played". This meant abiding by that humorous description of Sekiro: "Sekiro is not an action game, it is a rhythm game with swords." How witty!

So, I practiced timing my deflects properly. I treated each fight like a dance. The opponents swings and I deflect. Then, I listen to that glorious CLANG! that everyone who plays this game knows and loves. Once I hear it, I swing my own sword. CLING! CLANG! CLING! CLANG! Deathblow!

Heavenly.

But there is a final roadblock just before the end. Sword Saint Isshin Ashina, back from the dead courtesy of his grandson's necromancy, killed me more times than I can count.

In fact, I became so disheartened. Was I not playing the game correctly? That can't be. In fact, I can see my improvement! Genichiro was impossible to beat in the beginning, he was a challenge in the middle, and a pushover by the end. I was improving, was I not? Why don't deflects work?!

I quit playing Sekiro for the second time.

After a year, I started playing Sekiro again on March 2024. It was a new save file. Unsurprisingly, everything before Sword Saint Isshin was a breeze. It was objective proof that I was improving.

But when I reached him, I was still at a loss. What was I doing wrong?

Then, I took to heart what he said every time he killed me, his ubiquitous boss dialogue: "Hesitation is defeat". This is not him mocking me, this is him genuinely trying to give me advice. "Remember Sekiro," he says, "hesitate and you lose."

So, I changed my ways. I stopped being a passive partner in this magnificent sword dance. I became aggressive, I chased him. I did not allow him any chance to breathe. He swings, I deflect. He prepares a big wind-up attack, I dodge. He thrusts, I Mikiri. But after each defensive maneuver, I swing back.

I made it a point to be the attacker and to stay as the attacker. Hell, when he hit me, I didn't heal. I just told myself, "Fuck it. He's not gonna hit me again. I can deflect the next ones. Retaining this offensive momentum is worth the risk."

That's when everything clicked.

See, the best thing about Sekiro is how much faith it has in the gamer's indomitable will. You had to beat the game straight up. No, you cannot summon other players or spirits to fight for you. No, you cannot find an exploitable grinding spot to level your character up. No, there is no easy cheese. You just had to "git gud".

And "git gud" I did.

A year ago, landing a hit against Phase 1 Isshin was a miracle. Some days ago, I got Phase 1 Isshin to almost broken posture. Yesterday, I killed Phase 1 Isshin the first time. This morning, I beat Phase 1 Isshin effortlessly. This afternoon, I reached Phase 3 for the first time after spending an entire day learning how to beat his dreaded Phase 2.

In a sense, the strategy to beat his Phase 3 is almost metaphorical. Jumping to meet the lightning and throwing it back at him is symbolic of how you should meet his aggression head-on.

When I beat him, I did not jump for joy in the same way I did when I beat General Naomori Kawarada. Instead, I just whispered, "Fuck. I did it," to myself.

I trusted the process and applied the learnings. Beating him was inevitable. I was not surprised when I did.

That's the way life works too, isn't it? One has to stand up straight and meet life head on. One has to take action.

Thank you, Kensei, for teaching me not to hesitate.

[thereallivingded]

8 months

Nearly 8 months have passed since I blogged. Damn.

I apologize profusely if anyone was interested in my ramblings. I have zero excuses other than life got hard. Full time job. Which I hated profusely - not that I'm not going to be working full time again soon - tends to bring on crushing depression when I feel stuck in it. Which I did, and I was. When you are paid bi-weekly and you see that entire paycheck go to your cost of living.. well. It doesn't do good things to your psyche. Energy levels get low and all that extra you had energy for before gets used up with day to day survival. Getting out of bed. Getting to work. Feeding yourself. Cleaning your house. Squeezing in workout (a thing I do now).

It's not all bad I suppose. I've finally been able to interview for and obtain a position that will not only net me a raise but be closer to home. Hopefully, that should get me more free time to pursue the things I actually enjoy.

I'd like to say that in this time I've been able to tackle my backlog of Steam games. But. Well. BG3 happened. And I spent even more time in the game than I had in early access. It's maddening how much time I've sunk into Faerun. I have no regrets though.

The only thing really that's kept me from finishing my campaign - as I am in Act 3 - is my computer. I haven't upgraded the beast since 2020 or 2021-ish. And it's starting to show. My mobo is acting extraordinarily peculiar. Sometimes I'll walk away from my computer to come back a couple hours later and find it stuck in bios. Super fun. The connection to the mobo gets wiggled a little and everything pops back on. Super. However, anything heavy to run - like BG3 - tends to get very crash-y.

Again. Super.

T.T

AND. Due to my financial constraints because of the job I recently left, I was completely unable to fix this. I'm hoping with the advent of the new job, getting a few paychecks in to stabilize, I can rectify the problems. Hopefully.

I started a couple of fanfics for the first time ever. I am ridiculously shy about them. My writing skills have become so sodding rusty. The stories came to me while I was playing BG3 and I was compelled to write them down. Note now, that the frequency of updates directly reflects the time I have to invest in them. So keep that in mind.

Be gentle on me here lol!

I have been able to get some gaming done. I have ceased playing Back 4 Blood, as it became no longer supported by its dev team. A sad move really. The gaming industry as a whole has become this parasitic beast. Devs work on a game for an extremely limited amount of time and abandon it the moment it becomes less lucrative than their board of directors care for.

There is a trend towards monetization of minutiae and online play in inappropriate genres, that has become an insidious infection in the game industry. It robs us of good game development. There's this mentality of more, more, now that's just slow poison to the whole beast. It makes everything very same-y and boring.

Which is why I strive at this point in my life, to not give money to the companies which I feel are most guilty of this. The only way to make these corporations listen is to hit them in the $. As such I will probably be carefully curating any games I discuss or mention on this blog from here on. My next post will likely be discussing a visual novel I've spent some time in that I equal parts enjoyed and became frustrated with. So that's in the pipeline. Until then keep to the lights lovies. <3