#YES. THIS IS SO THAT BOBBY HAS TO LIVE WITH ‘I will never forgive you for what happened. you got that? never. so change the subject bob.’

[sadgayeddie]

"I did what you told me to do," Eddie says, the second he hears the other door being closed and the person on the other side sit down on the creaky bench.

"And that is?"

Eddie closes his eyes. "I stopped punishing myself."

It's quiet for a moment before Father Brian answers again.

"Do you want to take this outside of the booth?"

"Sure."

Eddie stands up and opens the door, and the priest does the same. He looks at Eddie with a raised eyebrow. "I see you updated your look, Eddie. Let's sit down."

Eddie absentmindedly touches his lips and sits down next to Father Brian. The Priest. He barely know what he's supposed to call him even if it's inside his head. "I miss it, actually. Just a little."

"It was very handsome."

Eddie laughs, "Yeah, I've heard."

"You stopped punishing yourself. Do you want to tell me more?"

"I went after my son. I got him back. I took him back. And I danced in my living room."

"I see."

"And I figured out the juice thing, I think."

Father Brian scrunches his face before answering, "The juice– Oh, the... juice thing."

Eddie looks at him. "You know. The juice. Joy."

Something clicks in Father Brian. "Ah. And what is... this joy you found, then?"

"It's Buck," Eddie says with no hesitation.

"Buck?"

"He's– He's my best friend."

Silence.

"I think it's been him the whole time."

Silence again. Eddie continues.

"I never let myself think about it. And then he took over my lease and helped me get Chris back and– And he did it, without expecting anything in return, because all he wanted was for me to be with my son, who he basically helped raise, for the record," Eddie says, and raises a pointed finger. "He has been there all this time and I haven't... I haven't seen it, not like I should have. But when he took over my lease behind my back, I got this feeling that I couldn't put my finger on and when I moved to be with Chris, all I could think about was why it all felt so wrong."

"You moved?"

"Yes. I moved back to El Paso to live near my son, and I couldn't have done it without Buck, who was so obviously in pain about it but again, just wanted me to be with my son. He accused me... or, well... I accused him of making me choose between him and my son and I told him that he would lose every time. But I'm starting to think that... That I could have both. That I want both."

"So you've decided to stop punishing yourself."

"I decided to try that, yeah."

"I still feel like there is more things you want to say."

"I–" Eddie opens and closes his mouth. "I haven't told him yet. My flight back to El Paso is tomorrow and... I want to stay. But I can't stay."

"Why?"

"Christopher is still in El Paso. I'm just here because of a funeral. My captain... Old captain..."

"... Bobby?"

"Yeah, how did you– Oh."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Eddie." He looks genuinely sad. "He was a good man."

"I should have been here." It comes out as the confession he probably was here for in the first place. Which it probably was. Loving Buck isn't something he needs forgiveness for.

"Why do you think that?"

"They are my family, all of them. And I wasn't here. And if I had been here, I would have been with them, and I could have saved him. I could have helped."

"But you're here now."

"I have to go back."

"Do you?"

"I– Yes, of course I have to. My son is there."

"I thought you said to stop punishing yourself."

Eddie takes in a deep breath. "Yes."

"So why don't you just bring your son back here, with you? You said you got him back?"

"I–I did."

"So, stop punishing yourself."

Eddie looks at Father Brian again, who looks back at him with a small smile. Eddie stands up, "Okay. Oh, and I have one more thing... I'm sorry I lied to you before." He gets a raised eyebrow in reply. "I'm actually not straight."

"And I'm still celibate."

Eddie laughs and leaves the church. He gets into his car, takes a deep breath, starts the car and calls Chris who answers immediately.

"Hi, dad!"

"How do you feel about moving back home?"

-

Eddie parks outside his– Buck's– their house and feels something warm spread in his body. It's not an unfamiliar one, but he can finally put his finger on what it is. He smiles and gets out of the car.

He knocks on the door, two, three times, before it opens.

"Eddie. Why are you knocking?" Buck says, still looking so exhausted after everything.

Eddie can feel his face flushing. He drags his hand through his hair and scratches his neck. "Hi."

"Hi?" Buck looks so confused.

"I–"

Eddie doesn't get to finish the sentence. The earth is moving.

[pagingdoctorcarter]

Hello! 💛

Have you done any metas regarding Bobby and the impact of his death? If yes, where might I find? If no, do you have Thoughts™️?

Oh, hello friend. You know me, I do have Thoughts™️. Frequently, and violently. And while I don’t actually have any pre-existing meta about Bobby, I am more than happy to make one right now.

Bobby: The Heir Transparent

It’s…it’s a ghost joke! Okay, let's dive in.

So Bobby is one of my favourite lore drops for Carter, and I think is one of the best and most rewarding examples of what @cicaklah and I have taken to calling “marginalia,” by which we mean the throwaway references to character traits or back stories that appear randomly in relation to a specific plot but actually do serve to build out our understanding of our hero characters. Whether initially intended to or not.

So, for Bobby, it does kind of feel like the writers wanted one of the doctors to be able to connect to this patient in a personal way, so someone’s gonna need a dead sibling. Carter! You’re up!

But the thing about this is…lol, I’m always like, “the thing about this is two-fold” BUT AGAIN, I SAY, THE THING ABOUT THIS IS TWO-FOLD.

Acting Technique — there is this specific thing that actors are trained to do, and while I know that Noah Wyle didn’t attend a traditional conservatory program, he is a trained actor, having done a lot of Meisner work, having done theatre, and simply by having spent so much time on set surrounded by other actors with other backgrounds and practices. Actors are thieves. I promise you, he’s stolen stuff from other actors. In fact, I’m pretty sure he talked about doing that in a podcast I watched recently (which is my absolute favourite interview he’s ever given because he does talk about process more than most actors ever do but alas i digress) ANYWAY The point is, I promise you he knows how to do this. Basically, actors are trained to read scripts and build characters off this marginalia. The goal of character work is actually not to invent anything. It’s the mark of an amateur actor if you “make-up” a character back story — as in, coming up with a history and context for your character from whole cloth. The reason for this is because a) the tendency for actors is to lean into the melodramatic which is distracting and unsupported by the actual text, and b) when you concoct something external to the context it’s meant to exist inside then it will never feel organic to the world it has to live in. So what you’re actually meant to do is to read the script, note all the things that you say, sure, but also note all the things that everybody else says about you — or doesn’t say about you — and use all that information to reveal a history of your character that is ALREADY IN THE TEXT…even if it’s between the lines and invisible. Look, I just love acting, you’ll have to forgive me for pontificating about it, but it’s really important to me, just consider this my homage to Noah’s 1996 interview where he does the same. I’m sorry. I just love acting. BUT THE REAL POINT OF THAT SEGUE IS THAT CHARACTERS LIVE IN THE MARGINALIA. And any actor worth their salt knows this. This is especially true for early 90s television when stories kind of happen as they come, and there’s a lot more flexibility and time to explore the edges of characters’ lives. Twenty-five episodes is just…it’s just nicer! ALSO writers can and do forget things (I’m looking at you “Roland Carter”). They’re keeping track of hundreds of characters. But actors are only keeping track of one: the one they’re playing. This is why I get frustrated when I see takes like, “It’s not canon if it’s the actors’ own personal head-canon” because I’m afraid that they do know their character better than anyone else, and if that is what they think then that is what they’re playing. I don’t mind disregarding their choices because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just throwing out parts of canon you don’t like. It’s a fictional world. Preferences over which fiction you prefer doesn’t make one more real than the other. But I do think suggesting actors don’t have that kind of sway over the character does neglect a huge part of what their job is. OKAY HUGE DIGRESSION BUT ALL THIS TO SAY Noah Wyle takes hold of “my brother died of cancer” and RUNS WITH IT. The way he plays it in that first episode is so affecting, and so subtle that it sticks with us. He does several very smart things — you know, in general, he’s a smart actor and I can do a break down of that some other time if anyone is interested, but basically, the marginalia of Bobby is elevated by the intelligent performance of Noah Wyle (see also: NW’s performance in Secrets & Lies)

Storytelling Payoff — However unintentional or perhaps limited the initial reference to Bobby is, the way it played out and the obvious material left to be mined in such a character confession was obvious enough to the writers that they held onto it. Another thing I really, really love about ER and its writing is the patience. The subtlety. They resist the temptation to have Carter confess everything in a single moment that illuminates our understanding of him, instead just teasing us with small glimpses of his story over a long, long period of time. This could be because, as I noted above, the purpose of Bobby was initially to give Carter a way to connect to the patient, as opposed to give the audience a way to connect with Carter, or it could be because the writers always intended to build up to something truly revelatory. I think it’s a combination of both. Initially, it was to centre the patient, but later it was used specifically as an avenue to explore Carter. A perfect, perfect mix. Because the thing is, you don’t want to overplay it and make it all-consuming or melodramatic because then you end up with unnatural or unrealistic dramatic moments that break the verisimilitude of the established world, OR you get 2-D characters with no memory for injury which is an acting no-no, and also breaks the verisimilitude of the established world. They get the balance of this just right. Almost. It’s pretty dang close. And it’s not until season eight that we really dig into it with his mother.

OKAY OKAY OKAY BUT BOBBY!

So, what do we know about Bobby? Honestly, not a heck of a lot. What we learn from Carter in Seasons 1 through 7 is sparse.

Older brother

Died when he was 10 (John was 8)

Died of AML

John was riding his bike home when Bobby died and he “just knew”

Bobby bullied John when he was sick (imp. out of frustration/fear/pain)

Bobby’s time in hospital is what inspired John to go into medicine

Four out of six of those points we learn in the season 1 finale, two more in season three in a conversation with Abby Keaton, and the bit about going into medicine is in…some episode. I can’t recall. Someone cite me! (edit: @delightfullyatomicfest got it! It's season four, episode 20 Of Past Regret, and Future Fear)

But that’s sort of it in terms of concrete information that we get. FOR EIGHT SEASONS.

Later we learn that Bobby pushed John out of a tree, Bobby knew he was dying, and Bobby made John promise to make his mother happy when he was dead. Still not a ton (hint: because this isn't actually about Bobby)

But before we go into season eight and get to the meat, let’s talk briefly (lol) about subtlety, audience trust, performance, and meaning we can find in silence.

Because John doesn’t talk about Bobby that much or that openly, when he does tell us something, we listen. We understand it to be something protected and therefore, something valuable. This is really great, really subtle writing. It doesn’t mean that if Carter were super open about it and talked about Bobby all the time it wouldn’t also have meaning, but because of the way the writers use Bobby sparingly we are taught to take Carter’s few mentions of him not only at face value but also as commentary on Carter himself.

Yes, Bobby died. But by the way Carter doesn’t always make eye-contact, by the way that he keeps it private, by the way that he tries to find something spiritual in his death (the “just knowing” about him passing away) tells us that this is something which changed him profoundly, which he is still grappling with, and maybe, something that isn’t entirely resolved.

And because we see and understand this, and read this off of him, when the time comes for us to meet his family, we start making new connections.

When Carter’s parents don’t care about his match, when they spend all their time abroad, when we see him constantly reaching out to call them, to contact them, to get their attention, their interest, their love, we keep in the back of our mind the fact that he’s lost a brother. This family has already lost a son.

So isn’t it weird that they don’t seem to care about the one that lived?

NOW we’re cooking. Bobby’s absence is such a presence on the show that the gap he once filled becomes the chasm between Carter and his family through which A LOT of Carter’s story is filtered.

But then, we get to season 8 and Carter’s mom and dad show up, and we can see the ruin of their relationship, the ruin of themselves, and the ruin of their family.

I’ve talked before HERE about the vague misogyny of Carter’s expectation of his parents, and his mother’s personality specifically. I think all that is relevant in any conversation about Bobby because I think his death can be traced back to as the catalyst for this collapse — even if the foundation was weak to begin with.

But to expand from that point on, we have Eleanor come back to try and course correct her traumatic past with Bobby by sitting bedside with another kid with cancer. And she drags John back down with her.

The main episode that I’m talking about with this is where the storyline culminates in season 8, episode 14 (A Simple Twist of Fate). This is when Carter and his mom have a final heart to heart which ends with her telling him she loves him.

And thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is where the show loses me a bit.

Because here’s the thing —

I feel like the show is addressing the wrong thing. And it’s one thing for the characters to address the wrong thing — heck, I LOVE when the characters address the wrong thing! If I felt this was Carter and his mom struggling to figure themselves out and addressing the wrong thing in a doomed effort to do so, I’d be all about it. But the thing is, that episode ends and Eleanor Carter never comes back again, and it ends with them both engaging with the pseud-Bobby as the resolution, and…………

BOBBY was never the problem between them. Or he was — his absence, his loss, like I said above, was the near physical object between them. And I can 100% see how John AND Eleanor would reach a point where they wanted to find a way back to each other and conclude that the loss of Bobby was the breaking point, and therefore, another Bobby can be the point at which they reunite. But they’re wrong. Because ultimately, Bobby’s loss is not the problem. John’s abandonment is the problem. By having John and Eleanor find connection and understanding literally standing over the body of a Bobby surrogate the show essentially argues that everything would be better if only Eleanor and John could go back and deal with Bobby’s death better. If only they could have a do-over with Bobby, they could move on. But in doing this the show essentially makes Carter complicit in his own trauma, despite the fact that he was a CHILD when it happened, didn’t do anything wrong to begin with, and regardless of his age, was neither responsible for it, or party to it. Through this, the show reveals to us its own perspective which is that Bobby’s loss IS the problem and therefore this second child, and Carter and Eleanor’s unification in response to it IS the solution. And the subject of John’s abandonment remains unresolved, because 2. ELEANOR LEAVES AGAIN She never comes back to the show. And like, yeah, I get it. Guest stars and all. But the fact of the matter is that when you have a guest star, you have to use them correctly. If you know that she’s never coming back, then ONE: do not make the resolution about her repairing her relationship with her estranged son because without that estrangement THERE IS NO DIEGETIC REASON FOR HER ABSENCE. and TWO: Don’t commit to a resolution with a character whose actual issue is abandoment. Not loss.

Because here’s the thing about Bobby. Bobby’s death, as far as we understand it in the show IS NEVER ABOUT BOBBY.

Bobby’s death is ALWAYS what it tells us ABOUT CARTER.

That’s just how stories work. This is Carter’s story, and like an actor parsing a script, we understand his character in the marginalia of his world and his relationships. We take the scraps of what he mentions, what he mourns, what he fears, what he does. We note who he calls, who he doesn’t, who comes to save him, who is absent, how he cries, how he hides, how he confesses, and we form a picture of a whole. Bobby is a part of that picture. Bobby’s death tells us about Carter’s abandonment.

And the show trips up when it gets to the culmination of this story by having Carter and his mother address the death as if it’s BOBBY who is the important one here. AND IT’S NOT IT’S CARTER IT’S ALWAYS CARTER AND ELEANOR’S REVELATION SHOULD ALSO BE “THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT JOHN” I’M LOSING MY MIND.

Okay, okay, so I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “well, sure, but those episodes were actually about his mother’s arc and Eleanor reconciling with her loss, which WAS about Bobby.”

And I hear you, but no. First, Eleanor is a tertiary character. She gets to exist in this show in order to service JOHN’S story. Because even if you disagree that Carter is the main character of the show, you must agree that Carter IS the main character of his own plot. So Eleanor is there in service to telling HIS story in HIS plot.

And the thing that he has been struggling with — that the show has been pretty damn explicit in stating and expositing for eight seasons — is his abandonment.

Every time his family put pressure on him to conform, or cut off his access to money to get him to comply, or repeatedly asked him to quit medicine, or didn’t come visit him after he almost died for three weeks, or refused to listen to his expertise, or hid his cousin away in a home, or or or and and and

We all know he’s desperate for someone to love him. We all know he’s shit in relationships. We all saw him buy diamond earrings for a girl he’d known less than a year, who’d already cheated on him, we saw him beg a woman not to go to Pakistan though she made it clear she was only with him for the sex, we saw him SLEEP WITH HIS COUSIN’S EX despite her repeated attempts to put him off. This man is so desperate to be loved he will go anywhere and do anything to find it.

He’s already come to terms with Bobby’s death. He does call his mom out for “dragging him back there” and he does say, “he doesn’t think he’s gonna have to go through this alone. Don’t leave him,” and the show is SO SO SO close (and I think Noah’s performance drags it closer) to getting the point. BUT THEN ELEANOR TELLS JOHN SHE LOVES HIM AND GOES BACK WITH HIM TO THE HOSPITAL AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT AS A RESOLUTION?

This is not heartwarming. This is psychopathic.

Dude. Her telling him she loves him pisses me off so much because it’s just more gaslighting. She tells him what he’s desperate to hear, and then she leaves him anyway. Sure, she stuck around for pseudo-Bobby. But she was always gonna stick around for Bobby. She’s never left Bobby.

It’s so, so easy for her to leave John. And secondly, the resolution that Carter ACTUALLY NEEDS (that the show has been building to for SEASONS, until this last moment -- though, we can see it swerving off the rails throughout Eleanor's episodes) is a resolution to his abandonment. He needs his mom to CHOOSE HIM INSTEAD OF BOBBY. Not a Bobby surrogate. She needs to choose HIM.

The resolution to this whole arc should have been Eleanor attempting to connect with this boy, and John helping her because he thinks that's what she needs BUT IT NEEDED TO END ONE OF TWO WAYS: a) Eleanor recognises that the LIVING demand more of her than the dead and that is too hard for her to address because she refuses to move on from Bobby, she refuses to be accountable in any context outside the scope of her little recreation of Bobby so she leaves John again (regardless of what happens with Bobby 2.0) and John recognises that he's NEVER going to get from his mom what he needs (and they could even tack on him learning that that's not his fault) OR b) Eleanor recognises that the son she CAN save is STILL ALIVE, and that devoting her attention to processing an old trauma at the expense of her living son is no better than what she did to him the first time round, where the cost of Bobby's death was paid most heavily by John. That the real trauma being repeated is John’s, not Bobby’s. BUT EITHER WAY the resolution should not be "Doing Right by Bobby by Doing Bobby Over Again" but instead "Letting Go of Bobby"

ANYWAY.

I’m gonna stop there. I’ve got Thoughts™️for days, and I’d love to hear yours!

Or if there’s anything else you wanted to know more about that I didn’t get into (I did kind of go off track…a bit), or you want more meta or something else, HMU! I love talking about it!

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

order in which the Smiling Critters refer to Angel as their parent, in my save everyone AU:

Dogday, by accident, while everyone is still inside. He's so embarassed by it, poor boy;

Bobby. After her rescue she hears Poppy referring to Angel as mother and goes "🥺 mom????????", and Angel just has to go with it because the majority of the toys are calling them either mom or dad by this point;

Craftycorn is next! She's very shy, VERY quietly asking Angel if she can call them dad because they helped her feel safe enough to sleep. After that she's SO HAPPY about finally having someone to take care of her!

After this, Dogday uses both mom and dad for Angel, without feeling embarrassed anymore:

Hoppy. Girlie is bedridden for the first month and Angel is always there for her, she's already all "I wish I could call them dad without it being weird" until she hears Dogday saying it. She's VERY protective of Angel and that becomes a bit worse because "THAT'S MY PARENT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT".

Kickin is all like "I appreciate the fact you're taking care of me but like Im independent, I lived through things you can only dream off, Im not calling you dad like Im a kid" and then 3 weeks of accidentally using both mom and dad for Angel later he's crying his eyes out as he finally just. Stops trying to play tough guy because he's now in a safe environment and can be vulnerable and safe.

Bubba doesn't see Angel as an actual parental figure until, much like Kickin, he realizes he's in a safe environment and Angel is his caretaker regardless of what may happen. Bubba is weirded out for some time because he's so used to never having someone looking out for him, and then Angel gently tells him to slow things down because he just had a burn out and needs to treat his mind because yes, he is traumatized, and Bubba. Straight up asks if they see him as not just a "kid" but their kid. And its complicated, but Angel agrees with the idea, and then Bubba warms up to the idea and stops calling them "sir/ma'am" and goes with "father/mother".

Picky is desperate to call Angel mom since day 1, but she feels SO guilty for seeing them like that because all the other critters are basically their kid, and who's Picky to interfere after she tried to eat some of them? And, okay, they accepted her apologies and they want to be her friends again, but should she insert herself into the little family just like that? Its Bubba who finally convinces her that she's not an intruder, and then she's all "mom, do you want to see how the garden is doing?" and is always so happy when Angel doesn't correct her.

Catnap. He has 13 layers of unresolved trauma and religious guilt, and for him to stop viewing Angel as his savior but as the only human he can trust Picky is already trying out baking a pie with Mommy Long Legs to celebrate Mother's Day with Angel. His relationship with the Prototype getting better and him finally calling him Father, alongside Dogday, Crafty and Bobby helping him stop feeling so guilty all the time is what helps the most, but he still views Angel as better than human because what else could forgive him? But when his relationship with Hoppy starts improving is when he, very hesitantly, starts thinking about calling Angel "Mother" (he already has a dad). When he finally tries that for the first time Angel lowkey is this close to crying, but they just give him a big hug. Catnap is also close to crying because he thinks he made a mistake at first, but Angel helps calm him down.

Unrelated but one time one of Angel's friends came over to visit and heard Catnap calling them "mother", and then later asked Angel if they had anything to do with Catnap's "father", because last thing they knew Catnap was having a catholic moment involving Angel and would NEVER think of them as a parent, right????? Angel's response was a simple "I know my family is weird but what the fuck, girl!". They still laugh about it to this day.

Also:

Dogday, Bobby, Crafty, Hoppy and Bubba use both mom and dad for Angel;

Kickin has a preference for calling them dad;

Picky has a preference for calling them mom;

Catnap refers to Angel EXCLUSIVELY as mom in order to avoid confusion.

Prototype refers to Angel as "the mother/father", "the caretaker" and "the parent", even when talking to the other toys. "Call the parent for that" is something he frequently says. For Catnap he says "call your mother".

[buckleyflower]

andddd the one I think will be the most angsty *drumrolls*

45.) "Don't Go Where I Can't Follow"

&

68.) Goodbye Note

Eddie knows what is about to happen the moment the words Maddie and serial killer end up in the same sentence, coming from Buck’s mouth. After all, he has been there before. He has witnessed firsthand the way Buck acts when Maddie is in danger, and this time might be even worse, because of Maddie’s pregnancy (Buck would have exploded if he hadn’t told Eddie).

To some extent, he feels like he should have seen this coming. To be honest, he knew. He has known since the moment Maddie was reported missing. But still, he chose to believe that Buck wouldn’t lie to him. Not this time, not with the stakes so high.

He tried to plead, he gripped Buck’s bicep — a stark contrast from the way he usually grips his shoulder and tenderly squeezes— and begged him.

“Don’t go where I can’t follow, Buck. Don’t make me—” he had to clamp his mouth shut because he would have said something like don’t make me lose someone else I love and that wasn’t something Eddie was ready to share.

“I can’t have your back if you do that, and you know that—” he settled on, but Buck cut him off with a shake of his head.

“I can’t—”

“Yes, Buck. Please, let the police handle this.”

And Eddie should have known — hell, maybe part of him knew— that Buck would have bluffed. It was the only way he’d get out of Eddie’s house and follow his plan, after all.

That’s why Eddie now finds himself in Buck’s loft with a goodbye note in his hands, a fucking goodbye note. A simple white envelope with Eddie’s name written on it in Buck’s handwriting.

It makes Eddie tremble, and shake violently because Buck has never left him a letter. So this must be something else, something serious, something that Eddie is sure will drag him down.

Hey Eddie,

please don’t be mad, okay?

As if Eddie could ever do that. He scoffs, feels a wild pressure behind his eyes.

I’m sorry I lied to you and told you I’d stay out of this, I’m sorry, I don’t want to lie to you. It makes me feel bad. That’s why I’m telling you this.

I love you, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you and I will always love you.

Forgive me if I can’t tell you in person.

Goodbye, or see you soon I guess.

Love,

Buck

Eddie scans the letters a thousand times, over and over as if that could change the outcome, as if reading and re-reading every squiggle and every unconscious curlicue between Buck’s words could change the fact that Eddie’s chest has been demolished, every trace of his heart is completely wiped out of it.

Love, Buck

Eddie keeps his eyes on that and thinks.

Buck loves him. Buck loves him and all this time he’s been scared to tell Buck that he loves him too. Buck loves him and suddenly Eddie can see that in every little interaction of theirs. In every single beer they’ve shared or every silent conversation they’ve had with their eyes, or every single time Buck has helped him with Chris.

He folds the note and puts it in his wallet. He’ll keep it forever, no matter what. And he will keep Buck, if Buck is really his to keep, no matter what it takes to save him.

Buck can’t give himself up to a serial killer because he thinks it is the only way to save his sister. Buck can’t die without knowing that he is loved, that Eddie will love him until his dying breath.

And it takes five days to find Buck and Maddie, and they are the worst days of Buck’s life. It’s even worse than the time Eddie had to live without Christopher, because then he knew that his son was physically fine, was safe, even though he hated the whole situation. This time, he didn’t know he would ever see his best friend again.

And when he does, when he sees Buck for the first time after reading his stupid, cute note, Eddie’s sure he’s going to collapse. Maybe he would have if only Bobby hadn’t been there to help him.

Buck’s face is covered in blood. It’s dried but it’s blood nonetheless and Eddie feels his stomach drop at the sight. He’s pretty sure Buck’s left shoulder is dislocated from the way he’s holding his arm, and he wobbles, despite the help from two police officers. He smiles, though, and Eddie should be furious because Buck looks at Maddie, who is, all things considered, relatively unscathed (Eddie wonders how), and smiles, and Eddie should be a little bit annoyed at the fact that Buck hasn’t stopped to think about his own life, but he can’t bring himself to be.

Buck’s selflessness and the way he loves, so openly, so without reserve is what made Eddie fall in love with him in the first place. He just wishes Buck didn’t have to put himself in danger every other day.

He sees the moment Buck spots him, beside Bobby, where the ambulance is waiting for him.

He sees it because Buck’s mouth moves to form a little “oh!” that Eddie shouldn’t definitely find endearing.

He escapes Bobby’s hold and barrels down the line of police officers to throw himself at Buck, grabbing him with maybe too much force, for a man in his state. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t think. He is only vaguely aware that he’s crying because he feels something wet his cheeks but the moment he feels Buck’s chest hit his own, the world stops.

“You asshole,” is the first thing he mutters in Buck’s neck while he grips the back of his bloodied sweater so hard that his knuckles go white, and Buck laughs. He laughs, his hoarse laugh echoes through Eddie’s chest, expands around his lungs, and gets his heart pumping blood again.

“I’m gonna kill you if you—”

Maybe he should have led with a simple I love you so much I can’t live without you but somehow, that’s what rolls off his tongue. At least until Buck doesn’t kiss him, putting his mouth on his with such intensity that Eddie is pushed backward a little by the sheer force of Buck’s grip on his body.

He suddenly feels Buck’s hands everywhere, on every single part of his body. And he can’t believe that this is finally his reality, that it’s not just a dream, that they are finally kissing.

He goes to put a hand between Buck’s dirty and dusty curls and is about to pull but Buck winces and he freezes, remembering that Buck probably needs an ambulance more than he needs a make-out session. So he pulls back, hands still shaking, and takes Buck’s face in his hands.

“I love you, don’t you ever—” Buck laughs again, and steals one other kiss.

“You can’t make me shut up like that now,” Eddie protests, eyes fixed on Buck’s blue ones like he’s the victim of some magic spell.

And then Buck finally speaks and Eddie’s legs almost give out hearing his voice.

“Oh, I really can,” Buck tells him, kissing him again in retaliation.

Eddie wants to argue, but he simply takes him in his arms again, gentler this time, presses him against his chest, and kisses his hair, no matter how dirty it is.

“I love you so much, Buck, so much,” he murmurs, just for Buck to hear.

And Buck does, because he holds him back tighter.

—

okay, so, this was just the perfect recipe for a good old main character death but I’ll never write a fanfic where my characters die so I made it a happy ending lol hope you like it 💓

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hi Cal!!! It has been way too long since I’ve sent you asks - sorry about that! Everyday I’ve been meaning to and everyday life gets in the way. But please know i am constantly reading and loving everything you post! I genuinely think you are one of the greatest writers there is and your work stays with me always!

So many exciting new works to request for! First theme is the family drama! New understandings of parent-child dynamics! Also I just have to put the Nico story with the Bobby story cuz THATS HIS GRANDPA!!

����🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬🔬 (everyday i smile so so big because NICOS BACK!!! My darling baby you have returned to be adorable and rightful skeptical of ramon and helena! So excited for adult chris to finally see what his grandparents are really like and what they’ve been doing to his dad! And I am always in my helena hater era (partially cuz of canon and partially cuz of your stories - will never forgive her for soaaob) and I can’t wait for chris to put her in her place!)

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎 (THIS ONE IS SO SO SO GOOD!!!! Buck and Bobby my beloveds!!! Still can’t believe you shot buck though :( like sure it was a masterful story telling move and it led to all these beautiful conversations about parenting and love but still! Hasn’t bobby been through enough! (And buck i guess but this isnt really about him :p) also love how buck is just totally missing what eddies been trying to clue him in to. Buck baby just open your eyes a little please you’ll be so happy you did)

- PCA <3

HI PCA!

Sorry your themes won't be totally utilized as I've finished some fics. So happy you're happy about Nico!

AND NOW DAD BOBBY! So happy you're liking it!!!!

96 for 🍎:

---

Bobby can’t say how many years it’s been since he knocked.

“Daddy!”

He hears the sounds of eager footsteps racing across the floor. 

“Brooke! How are you?”

Bobby puts the bowl in the sink and walks back into the other room just in time to see Buck scooping Brooke up into his arms. Eddie enters the room behind him, smiling at the sight. 

“I’m good,” Brooke says. “Grandpa gave me ice cream.”

“Oh, lucky,” Buck says. “I’m jealous.”

 “Hi, baby,” Eddie says, stepping forward to kiss his daughter’s forehead. “Did you have a good weekend?”

“Yes!” She exclaims. “We had lunch with Uncle Charlie!”

“That’s so fun,” Eddie smiles at her. “I’m glad.”

Athena appears beside Bobby. He wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“Thanks for having her,” Buck smiles at them.

“Any time,” Bobby says. “You know that.”

“Did you have a good trip?” Athena asks.

Buck and Eddie smile at each other. 

“Yeah,” Buck says. “It was perfect. Thank you.”

“How were skating lessons?” Eddie asks Brooke. 

Brooke grins. “Good! I’m really good at it, Dad.”

“Is that right?” Buck asks. 

“She is,” Bobby confirms. “Gliding like a pro already.”

“And you’re having fun?” Eddie asks.

Brooke nods. “Yep!”

Buck lowers her to the ground. “Can you go grab your bag?”

“Mhm,” she says, and runs off in the direction of the guest room. Which, really, was meant for any guest, but has more or less become her room. No one else uses it quite as often. There’s a stuffed dalmatian that lives in there, just for her. 

“She was good?” Buck asks.

“She’s always good,” Athena waves a dismissive hand. “That child is an angel.”

Eddie gives her a skeptical look. “Which child?”

Bobby laughs. “She always behaves perfectly for us.”

She is Buck’s daughter through and through. Hyper. Talkative. Bouncy. Eager. Incredibly sweet. She gives her dads a little bit of trouble, Bobby knows. But never him.

“That’s because you are her favourite people,” Buck says.

Brooke runs back towards the front entry with her backpack. She hands it to Eddie.

“Go hug Grandma and Grandpa goodbye, okay?” Eddie says.

Brooke doesn’t need to be told twice. She hurries over to Athena first, who couches to embrace her.

“See you soon, sweet girl,” Athena says. 

“Bye, Grandma,” Brooke says, then moves on to Bobby. “Bye, Grandpa.”

Bobby crouches to hug her tightly.

“Bye, sweetie. Thanks for a fun weekend. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Brooke says. 

He kisses her cheek and then she turns to go back to her parents. 

Eddie takes her hand. 

“Let’s go to the car,” he says.

“Okay!” Brooke agrees amicably. 

The two of them leave with some final goodbyes from Eddie, but Buck lingers in the entryway. 

“Thanks again for watching her this weekend,” he says. 

Bobby smiles. “Our pleasure. I’m glad you had a good trip.”

“Dinner Wednesday?” Buck asks. 

“You’re cooking,” Athena confirms. 

“Great,” Buck smiles. He steps forward to give them both a quick hug.

[bi-bi-buckleys]

I’ve had Come What May stuck in my head so of course: bucktommy Moulin Rouge! AU (Everyone Lives Edition)

Maddie ran away from her abusive husband (maybe she poisoned him and then ran away) and ended up at the Moulin Rouge! and wrote her little brother letters about how wonderful the Bohemian lifestyle is.

Evan can’t stand being around his parents anymore so he leaves home to join her. He’s a wide-eyed hopeless romantic who dreams of being a famous writer. He’s got love in his heart and stars in his eyes

Eddie is Toulouse, Chimney is the unconscious Argentinian, Hen is Satie the composer

Bobby is of course Zidler and Athena is Marie

I’m so sorry to tell y’all this but Gerard is the Duke

I haven’t decided on Sal. I originally wanted him to be Audrey, the original writer who Evan (Christian) would end up replacing because it works BUT I also like him for Le Chocolat because he’s constantly by Satine’s side because of course…

Tommy is Satine. The most sought after dancer/escort at Moulin Rouge! He’s jaded and doesn’t believe in love. He wants to leave this place and make it somewhere (cue One Day I’ll Fly Away). He’s gorgeous and captivating. He of course draws the attention of Evan and Gerard

Gerard has heard about the Moulin Rouge! and wants Tommy for himself. He’ll support the play so long as Tommy is solely his. Tommy agrees because he sees it as a way out. He’s shocked to meet Gerard and see he’s actually a young, gorgeous, sweet, awkward guy who wants to recite him poetry. Wow he can’t believe his luck! That’s because it’s not Gerard it’s Evan.

Evan had no intention of making a move on Tommy, didn’t know that’s what he wanted until Tommy tried to seduce him thinking he was Gerard. Evan has his oh moment and professes his love to Tommy. Tommy of course is like you can’t possibly love me, we just met, you’re just infatuated but you’re hot and I’m interested. He says yes to having an affair behind Gerard’s back, (never actually allowing Gerard to touch him because he needs to focus on the play of course) and he falls in love with Evan. Oops.

Tommy tries to break it off with Evan because he’s scared of his feelings and what Gerard will do to them, but Evan’s not having it because he knows it’s true love.

This is where the no one dies part comes in: Tommy realizes he wants a life with Evan and can’t stand the thought of leaving him to fake a life with the abusive and controlling Gerard. But Gerard is powerful and he knows he’d never leave Tommy and Evan alone. So he, Bobby, and Athena devise a plan: Tommy will fake his own death. They can’t kill Gerard, he’s too well protected, too well connected. This is the only way. Bobby tells him he can’t tell Evan because Evan’s reaction will sell it. Tommy hates the idea of breaking Evan’s heart like that, but just has to trust that he’ll forgive him.

Tommy is drugged to the point of seeming like he’s dead (yes yes this is Romeo and Juliet hush) and Evan is devastated and sobbing and screaming while holding Tommy in his arms. He’s yelling at Gerard who just gets pissy that he never got to sleep with Tommy and has lost his new toy so he storms off. Everyone has to restrain Evan from going after Gerard for being so callous. He doesn’t care about his safety at this point because he lost the love of his life. That’s when Bobby tells him that Tommy’s not dead, and they just need to wait for the drug to wear off. He tells Evan everything.

Of course Evan’s pissed that Tommy would do this and not tell him, that he’d put him through such heartbreak. But Tommy is crying and begging Evan to forgive him, he saw no other way out of Gerard’s grasp. Evan tries to stay mad at Tommy, but Tommy looks so scared at the thought of losing him and he’s just so relieved that Tommy is actually alive and Tommy is telling him how much he loves him and wants a life with him. Evan forgives him, of course he does. He loves him and just wants to be with him and they’ll work this, they’ll work everything out.

Evan writes their story. He changes names, he changes the Tommy character into a woman so it’s marketable, and he keeps the tragic ending. It’s a massive hit. He continues to write best selling novels while Tommy becomes a successful stage actor. Everyone thinks they’re just really good friends who travel together as perpetual playboy bachelors. There’s always a worry that with their growing fame Gerard will hear of them and figure out who they really are. One night at some gala they run into him. They lock eyes. Gerard looks like his heads gonna explode. Evan and Tommy think their lives are over, this powerful Duke is going to ruin them. Nope, Gerard drops of a heart attack. All is well.

Anyway, that’s what I was thinking about while making and eating dinner!

[its-a-dreamer-life]

Redstone Snap JATP AU

Julie And The Phantoms is my favourite show. My comfort show. And Redstone Snap is my comfort ship. So I had to mix them up.

@soemthingsparkly this for you. I know you love those two things as much as me.

Careful this post will container big spoiler for Julie And The Phantoms. If you haven't see the show and wants to watch it wait until you read this post.

Scott is Julie, a lifer (someone who is still living) who lost someone close to him that made him stop music for a while.

Joel as Alex (battery), Jimmy as Reggie (bass) and Lizzie as Luke (guitar). Mumbo isn’t on stage but he wrote all the band’s songs. They’re all ghosts.

If Scott is Julie then Martyn is Flynn (Scott’s best friend, who is a lifer but can’t see the ghosts).

For Flying Solo. The group took Scott's lyrics. And made a banger. The thing is. Mumbo wasn't there. He was panicking over everything and went out to breath. He met Grian who quickly became his best friend (yup, nothing more). And when he got back, they had a full song finished only with Scott's lyrics.

And Mumbo feels bad because he thinks they don't need him anymore. He thinks he'll get replaced. And he feels bad for thinking that. But at the same time Scott is good. His lyrics are good. Why would they need him anymore? But quickly they reassured him and soon Scott and Mumbo started writing lyrics together which got them to be closer and to develop a crush on the other.

Martyn is not able to see Mumbo at least once (he can't be seen by lifers because he's not playing with Scott), he only sees the eye contact between Scott and Jimmy while they sing.

"You~ Totally have a crush on Jimmy.

What ? No I don't."

Martyn is convinced Scott has a crush on Jimmy and Scott is just pure confusion because. No ? They're just friends ??? Also. His crush is Mumbo??????

Caleb is still Caleb. We don’t need to change him. Although I think he died a very long time ago. At a time where the Hollywood Ghost Club wasn’t called that. But something else. And that’s when Grian joined. It was called the Watchmen’s Tower (Yes I managed to tie the Watchers to a Universe without them. What will you do, hmm ? Nothing. I am the one writing this post and I will do what I want mouahahahahahaha). So yeah. Let’s say Fwhip was the other guitarist of the band when they were still alive (yes this is Bobby). But he didn’t die. He lived and recorded their songs without giving them credits. Don’t get him wrong he isn’t a bad guy he just… didn’t think this through ? He wanted the songs of his band to live on so he just recorded them. He just. Never thought of crediting them, at that time it was hurting him so much (yes this is still a dick move but hey ! I don’t think Bobby is truly bad in the show !).

So yeah, they discovered Fwhip stole their songs, they’re mad. They go hunt him. Then Grian introduces them to Cale and BOOM ! That’s how they end up with the stamp. Also. When they come back Scott is pretty mad at them because they stood him up when this night was supposed to be their first show.

Mumbo being the one who fought with his parents and left, when Scott is mad at all the ghosts, Joel, Jimmy and Lizzie show Mumbo at his parent’s house. He is crying. He misses them so much and regrets how he left. When they all go back home, Scott forgives them and they get ready for their next show.

During Finally Free, the eye contacts between Jimmy and Scott are a lot and Mumbo thinks there might be something going on between them.

During all this time, Grian sometimes spies on the ghosts because he doesn’t want his best friend to disappear. At one point Mumbo is so confused and hurt by Grian’s behavior that he only talks about him to the band (except Scott). He talks about Grian so much that the band thinks he has a crush on him.

And sorry for those who hate misunderstandings, but Scott hears the band talking about Mumbo's crush on Grian and he convinces himself it's true. So basically.

Scott thinks there's something between Mumbo and Grian. And Mumbo thinks there's something between Jimmy and Scott.

Scott thinks about Mumbo the whole time he dances with whoever is supposed to be Nick (let’s just say Sausage because Sausage and Scott’s dynamic is funny). Or just. Imagining the song. But instead of keeping it in like Julie does, he actually writes it when he comes back home

Mumbo finds Scott writing a song and asks to look at it. Scott is a bit anxious Mumbo will understand it's about him but he still lets him look. The thing is. Mumbo thinks this song is about Jimmy and not him. So while he reads it he's trying so hard not to let his feelings show. He compliments Scott on the song because even though he's a bit hurt, it's still a very good song.

Scott doesn't have the time to ask him any question or if he's alright (yeah he definitely saw the change Mumbo had while reading the song) because Mumbo just teleported away right after giving him the paper back.

At one point, Scott decides to find and give Mumbo’s parents the song he wrote about them thus making the Unsaid Emily scene. This is also the first time he heard Mumbo sing a whole ass song. It was always some bits when they were writing. Never a whole song ! And they got home together. And Mumbo got a shock because of the stamp and Scott looked so sad and angry (at Caleb) and betrayed and like his whole world shattered.

During Stand Tall. Scott sees everyone coming back and looks backstage just to see Mumbo looking at him with such a big bright smile and Scott wants to cry right there. Then when they all disappeared he wants to cry even more because “God they passed. This is it. They finished their unfinished business. God it hurts. He never got to tell Mumbo how he felt about him. And now he never will.”

The scene with the big ass hug. They all hug each other. And then Mumbo, I don't know. Maybe Mumbo stayed on the side. But soon enough he joins Scott, puts his hands on Scott's cheeks. And oh my god he can touch Scott. He can feel him. He can feel his warmth. And he just kisses him. That's something he wanted to do for a while and now he can.

He will take the chance when he has it. He doesn't know if he'll be able to touch Scott again.

[ask-the-critters-survival-au]

Static sings out from the monitor as the voice from within reaches out to all bound to it's spell "It seems you have finally connected child... Hello. I am... thankful that my last message seems to have been only heard by Bobby... So for sake of reintroduction... Hello Kickin, hello Picky. It is good to finally meet you both as face to face as well as we can..."

"Ah Crafty is bleeding Bobby you may wish to find her soon... Ah Crafty do you see something on the ground? Maybe look at that for a bit while Bobby comes to you okay?"

"Where was I- Ah yes I was restating what I said last time while not being so emotional... I am unsure as to the specifics of what you have done to each other children... But I will say this time and time again- You have hurt each other and that is okay- you have grown to hate each other and that is okay- You can love and hate some at the same time."

"Those things are not exclusive- To feel both is natural children- it's what it means to be a Person."

"Now... for the sake of making sure you understand Hoppy- Bobby- Kickin has suffered greatly already for what he may have done... Paid the price I assume... Apologize Kickin and Picky. This Memory Picky has showed us is not mine to share... but they must know what Catnap did-"

The static shifts and churns... as a old memory surfaces for the 5 children bound to this device to hear.

~~~~~ "Catnap-please, I’m so sorry Catnap. Please, I’ll do anything to make it up. I’ll never step foot in the Playhouse again! Just don’t hurt me, please!"

"Silence." ~~~~~

"As is Picky's words- "By the time he finally came back it was clear he was only still alive because he was useful." Even if I think the child chose twisted kindness instead of Kickin's usefulness."

"Again children- Hoppy. You can love and hate someone, you can worry about them while wishing to punch their face in. Both are not exclusive. Do not let yourself live in regret. If you wish you voice your care- Do so. It does not mean you forgive him... It only means your not lying about how you feel."

"Wish you all safe children. Till we speak again."

The Static cuts off from the monitor... May these children be well.

Oh! You again! You’re the funny voice who told Bobby how I could magically get my hands back! Thank you friend! I cant wait to draw again!

Meanwhile…

How the hell do they know about that?!

I told them.

What the hell! That stuff is personal, Pig!

Do I look like I give a shit?

That isn’t your job to-

This is why you should have come. I was right. You got hurt.

Wait…you invited him? Did you invite Bubba too? Were you planning on leaving me alone with him?!

No, that wasn’t…forget this. I’m done with this conversation.

[beppbee]

911 - Grey’s Anatomy / Tim(e) Minear - Krista Vernoff

tw: suicide

Just feeling so unbelievably heartbroken and lost at the decision to kill off Bobby Nash for so called “realism.” To kill off a character who for seasons an audience has watched battle addiction, suicidal ideation, self worth and life consuming guilt. To force this character into a death of self-sacrifice and quasi-suicide!

To follow Krista Vernoff’s decision to kill off Deluca! To give a character a (poorly handled but it was a different time) arc of living with and finally seeking help and treatment for bipolar disorder and then have him murdered, alone as he tries to help a young woman. who is that “helping!!!!”

For the Magicians to do the Same Thing!!!

For Tim Minear to write this for Bobby Nash seeing how these other storylines played out, how people reacted to them - betrayed at characters displaying mental illness be killed off in a way reeking of sacrifice and suicide…i am beyond words.

To actively be giving Gerrard (!!!) and Tommy (!!!) these ‘not even’ redemption storylines but expecting the audience to forgive them for their racism, homophobia and misogyny is disgusting!!

Redemption, Second Chances and Found Family is what the show has always been about. and Bobby Nash exemplified how you constantly have to choose and honour that. how there is hope for those who want it and work for it, but you have to want it!!! to kill him off and continue to give these two random ass men these storylines is beyond…

am i writing this as someone who has just lost someone to suicide after decades of mental health issues, addiction and issues of self worth. yes !! I am heartbroken that these issues are weaponised against women constantly and consistently, but never actually examined to any real depth and never adequately used to question people in power. he was a complicated man, and we had a complicated relationship but for the past five years, i have wished hope and peace for him. I just wish showrunners could understand that for so many people Bobby was hope, for ourselves and for the people in our lives

[inact-ice]

Ok episode 5,

- ooh arranged wedding moment. Hey guys, if it goes bad at least the wedding was gorgeous. Ope. My fault everyone sorry

- is bobby ever gonna apologize for like pushing buck against that wall bc that really scared me. I know it was a manifestation of trauma but damn

- love how black women across the world use the word wicked. It’s probably bc of like colonialism and specifically Christianity, but it’s a nice connection

- Athena you still have a job?? You weren’t even like suspended, you definitely have stuff to do other than running background checks on your friends bosses

- oh. Oh no… not the hen and Karen cheating arc, I haven’t even met Karen yet please no

- BUCKS FAMOUS ROOMATES! So these are the people everyone hates so much in fanfics

- Oh yeah Abby’s mom is missing

- hen your ex girl friend is in braids, back out slowly before she starts calling you gurl OMG, it’s too late

- what am I watching

- these aren’t even like real braids im so funny

- Carla’s little crush on buck is so fucking great, maybe they should get together

- aw wait this is buck and Abby meeting face to face for the first day time

- HOT PRIEST, hey girl

- bobby have you ever considered going to like real therapy, I don’t think the hot priest is a licensed psychologist

- HELP BOBBY DONT SCARE THE HOT PRIEST LIKE THAT HE ISNT LEGALLY REQUIRED TO TELL THE COPS AND HES ALL ALONE WITH YOU

- Bobby’s wife who’s name I never heard, I am so sorry. Is Bobby gonna cheat??? Oh. We’re pulling out ye old lantern to drink I see. Does he just come here to like nap, NO BOBBY YE OLD LANTERN

- the actor who plays Bobby has like a permanent bemused grin so while he’s breaking down to his wife about his addiction he kinda just seems confused and it’s a little funny

- checkovs ye old lantern

- oh damn bobby that was your fault wow. Oh he made the hot priest cry.

- yeah idk if the priest can handle this, maybe you should consider trauma therapy

- the priest: “god forgives you” Bobby: “gods forgiveness actually means nothing to me in this case” the priest: “well that is the entirety of my expertise”

- I don’t like when Bobby cries, it always seems to be ripped out of him😭 the actor is doing a great job

- Karen you are being very forgiving of your wife meeting her ex gf in prison, I fear you are too good for her

- aw buck calling Athena sergeant, love it

- buck being so astounded that Abby hasn’t had sex in a year is hilarious, meeting me would kill this man

- Abby you’re so cool omg, it’s like she can’t help but want to help others even when she’s going through so much. I feel like that’s the theme of her character

- Abby looks so cute in her little dungarees omg

- I can’t believe that manny’s just like dead rip I guess

- who the hell are these firefighters?? How does buck know them? Are they at the 118? I wonder what their lives are like

- Abby is calm cool and collected fr. What do jedis have to do with still hands? Anyways

- Abby’s mom! Thank you tattooed men, in my head you stay in contact with Abby forever and are good friends of hers

- aw Abby’s mom, even when she can’t remember stuff she still remembers that she wants her daughter to be happy. Gang I love Abby’s mom so much

- did not appreciate the fucking Abby’s mom joke, thanks writers but it was a little weird

- if we’re gonna keep talking about bucks sex addiction can we take it seriously at some point or what

- the “what are you high” scene in context is kinda dark bc bobby might’ve been actually scared he was high bc he sees himself in buck a bit

- aw I miss chimney

- girl he didn’t even laugh that much. Which is kinda dark. Bobby is like if Sayaka and Kyouka from Madoka Magica had a child and he was a white middle aged man. Like maybe they adopted him and just projected all their trauma onto him and now he’s repeating all their mistakes

- if they have phone sex I’m gonna freakout

- I’d like to personally thank the 911 tv show directors for cutting away from that bc I do not like bucks phone sex voice

[diazpatcher]

7x10 reaction time

the opening scene with Athena 😭

EDDIE CALLED BUCK AND ASKS HIM TONPPEN THE DOOR TO CHRIS 😭😭😭😭

Chris calling the Diaz' I CALLED IT!!!

hen :(

"it's a little true" "even in death she makes your life chaos" "I'm making my life chaos"

Oh Athena 😭 I can't handle it if bobby dies the fact that he has a DNR???? I'm going insane

OH IT WAS AMIR RIGHT? I CALLED IT

the 118 kids meeting each other at the hospital 😭

"he managed to get her to safety before he took a turn" 😭 bobby literally gave his last breath to his wife😭

"I understand it to well. Bc right now the only thing holding me upright is rage." OH Athena 😭 SLAY MAMA "because they last man who came into my home and tried to hurt my family begged me to put it him down"👁👁

"You're one of HIS firefighters"😭

oh god the house is ruined 😭 Athena on a revenge tour?

Polly Martin 🤨 Hmmm

"THIS IS MADDIE HAN" SLAY MAMA

Athena gone rouge btw 🫡 as she should

"I think Athena might be the danger" SLAY

she broke into his house????? omg Athena is of the rails!!!! I love her

it's so so heartbreaking how she was ready to kill for bobby, no hesitation 😭

so if it wasn't Amir who was it 🤔

"being a living testiment to a dead person hardens you" oh. this is all about grief. this entire season is all about grief about how it is more than sadness that it is also anger and denial.

The cartell!!!!! "it's me they want" oh. Amir is so self sacrificial

The 118 watching as bobby almost dies while Athena is a on basically a suicide mission

Amir is actually cool "go ahead and do what ever you plan to do or is your plan to bore me to death?"

"I'm misses Bobby Nash" She says as she sets flames to the Cartells hide out. SLAY MAMA

"This one we both walk out of" SOBBING ACTUALLY

the 133 being the one firehouse who is always there when something happens to the 118

OH GOD IS HE DEAD

OH S

BOBBY

He's.alive 😭😭😭😭 omg

wait. what's the cliffhanger.

The Hans and The Wilson's having dinner together 🫶🫶 family family 🫶 I love them

Tommy and Buck 🥰 "you guys at the 118 should have your own dedicated wing at the hospital" PFFF HE IS SO FUNNY

"BOBBY IS THE FATHER I NEVER HAD" OH BABY THEY FINALLY SAID IT.

B:"so we both have daddy issues" T:"I dont" B:"but you think I do?" T: "God hope so"

Ohh ph "fathers are human, sons don't take it that well"

OH CHRIS , Chris wants to leave 😭 the Diaz' redemption arc?

"your son is trying to tell you whay he needs don't wait 30yrs to hear him"

Athena being so panicked about they're phones 😭 mama such a mama OH MAY 😭 Harry and May being there for their parents❤️ (yes ik Michael lives but he is not here yk)

Chris is actually leaving. "There's summer and then there's Texas. " 😭 lmao buck

Buck fathering once again I love him❤️ "you realize just how messy life can be" okay still no reason to forgive the Buckley parents they suck.

Eddie looks like a kicked puppy also the fact that he keeps calling Buck over is so!!!

The way Eddie hugged Chris😭😭 I wish someone would hug me like that

"I know your angry but i love you no matter. I hate it but i love you." OH "you can always come back, you just say the word and I'll come for you" SOBBING ACTUALLY

the diaz' parents not even hugging him goodbye??? rude tbh

"is buck joining us?" "it's a different sibling"

THEY TOOK HER IN UNTIL HENREN COULD TAKE HER😭😭 THEYRE A FAMILY

oh bobby in the remains of the fire. Amir lmao. like a ghost he appears.

"were not gonna get into who deserves what, that's for a higher power to decide. " "maybe you earned it." Amir finally finally being the one who gives Bobby closure on his past. "You know you can't quit right?" "you think you do or you know you do🤨"

Amir im sorry I misjudged you he is actually the funniest man alive.

Wait is the cliffhanger the opening disaster for s8???

Oh no. "No captain Wilson" BOBBY ❤️

Gerard you whore. piss off. no no no no no.

THATS THE CLIFFHANGER? its just horrible

[quietwingsinthesky]

I’m not one for soulmates AUs but bobbyrufus soulmate AU of the ‘you have the last words your soulmate will ever say to you on your body somewhere’ kind.

[theloverlylo]

I don’t know know why anyone was surprised.

No, seriously. I have no idea why anyone expected anything else, given that Eddie canonically hates people who treat Buck badly.

Abby: In 3x18, when dealing with the train derailment, watch how Eddie reacts to her. He doesn’t like her. He’s immediately judgmental. When Bobby asks why Buck is so gung-ho on Sam’s rescue, Eddie says Abby’s name with so much vitriol that I’m amazed his spit doesn’t turn to acid. He has never met this woman before, but he loathes her for how she treated Buck.

Phil and Marge: When everything about Daniel comes out, he still clear wants the Buckley parents to be swallowed by a sinkhole. You might expect that, as the father of a child with CP, he might have some sympathy for their situation. Some understanding, at least, of having to deal with your child having health problems that no one expects, and then maybe some empathy for them having to actually bury their son. Nope! He judges them solely by how they have treated Buck and both in season 4 and later appearances, it’s clear Eddie has no patience for them at all.

Taylor Kelly: She wasn’t great to Buck. Putting aside the whole “cheating” thing, which Buck wasn’t completely innocent in but wasn’t as guilty as most people including Buck try to say, they weren’t a great couple. She never seemed that interested in Buck outside of what he could do for her, and Eddie responded to that with icy politeness.

So Eddie ditching Tommy the moment Tommy dumped Buck? Honestly, it’s the only reaction that fits. Buck is a self-loathing love hungry golden retriever with abandonment issues. He will put up with any amount of poor treatment in exchange for a scrap of affection, because that’s all he’s used to and all he thinks he’s worth. And while Buck is allowing himself to be used, put down, ignored, and manipulated, Eddie is right behind him, glaring over his shoulder and saying “he might let you treat him this way. But I will not”.

And honestly, that’s one of my favorite things about Buck and Eddie’s relationship. That Eddie will be the brick wall of consequences to Bucks forgiving nature. They balance each other, but more importantly, it fills a gap in Buck. And would I love Buck to learn to demand better treatment from people around him? Yes. But people have flaws, and those deep-seeded ones usually don’t go away. Instead, I find it more romantic to have people find partners who innately stopgap their worst qualities. To me, it’s a more genuine love to have Eddie see Bucks forgiving self and say “I love this about him, but it’s not healthy. So I will fix it for him and thus take it off his plate” than expecting that Buck fix himself before he can be loved truly.

It is the difference between living some in spite of their worst qualities and loving someone because of them.

Ali, Abby, Taylor, Tommy, Natalia, they liked Buck even though Buck dives into everything way too fast and has no sense of emotional self-preservation. But Eddie? Eddie loves Buck because of those very things, and is willing to take the negatives of that alongside the positive, and to help counteract those negatives himself.

eddie immediately stopped talking to tommy lmao

[msfbgraves]

I'm very intrigued by your answer saying Terry has been with at least one omega since marriage...! Is that considered cheating or is it OK because 'Alphas will be Alphas', 'how can a red blooded Alpha resist an omega begging for it' - that kind of thinking. Would Daniel know about it, and if yes, would he be upset? Or dismiss it as irrelevant because he's Terry's mate, Mama to their puppies? It's interesting to see Terry's Alpha nature come into play in this particular scenario (like that hypocritical way of thinking a lot of men have in our society, the double standards for men & women). Terry can barely stand Daniel sharing cuddles and a kiss with his own Pop meanwhile he's - and please forgive the crude language lol - sticking his d*ck into random omegas?! (Well, he did it once. But I'm sure he'd be on a murder spree if he found out another Alpha had fucked his omega).

I think you see it quite clearly Nonnie! I feel that this is partly because Terry is from a very Alpha and beta dominated environment. Betas expect a "boss" to be a bit of a philanderer. Most beta women who are with Alphas could probably tell them that Alphas are very faithful. They're terrors in other ways, many would say, beta men are easier to live with, but once they're mated, that bond - with betas too - is something Alphas are not very inclined to break.

Terry thought it wouldn't go for him because he's had kitties before and the beta boys keep drunkingly telling him it'll help and he is angry with Daniel (this is in the aftermath of Terry fighting with Michael and taking it out on Daniel) but he doesn't understand this, he really doesn't. It's such a diminished experience. But at least now he knows. It may be different for an Alpha without an omega - your average mobster cannot afford one - but for him? No. He has his Danny. And he needs to keep him, Jaysis, he's been an eejit! Fuck!

Daniel would be rather bitter about it, sure, when he found out (years later when someone was very drunk). As if Terry hadn't hurt him enough that time he went out and did this. Left the pups with Bobby and Tommy and fucked someone else. Hmpf! Yet he'd also be pleased about how it confirms that he really is the one for his mate. As far as he's aware - and he can smell it on him - Terry never strays and he's seen people throw themselves at his mate. He can infer from talks Pop has had with Vanessa and especially Louie that Pop has not been completely faithful to his Ma, either. But then, when he asks, Ma tells him that beta men or beta women sometimes have entire second relationships on the side, like, a kind of shadow mates. "Other" men and women. Your mate getting seduced once or twice, Daniele, sweetheart, will probably only have shown them what you are to them. The reason your beta friends are so upset by it is that it can be the first step to a lifetime of being abandoned and disrespected. And Alphas are a handful, tell her about it, but your Terry would be a very odd duck if that were him. Pop didn't ever do it again either.

And when Daniel would then complain that he can't even smile at another person, Alpha beta or omega, and Terry (and Pop?!) seems to have been OK with doing this, she'd kiss his cheek and say: "Only once, remember. But that's Alphas for you. He's learnt his lesson, hasn't he?"

[inabarbi3world]

Live Reaction to 6x11 In Another Life

starting off with maddie and her mom 🫡

aw jee loves flowers that’s so adorable

why are the buckley parents acting so weirdly nice i really am feeling like there’s something they’re not telling us

I knew it was coming but god MY FUCKING HEART BRO OUCH.

i-

“DO MORE”

EDDIE HUN… they shall try

WOWH HE’S AWAKE???? oh nvm. aint no way hes awake lol. WOAH DANIEL????? what in the fuck is happening?

i. so hes having one of THESE. the FUCKING COMA AU.

KIDS??????? I. HES A TEACHER???????? HELLO?????? Im lost. Huh? isn’t that… HUH?????? BRO. sorry y’all are just gonna get confusing ass reactions bc that’s how i feel, extremely confused.

…

Her dad is gonna be.

YOURE FUCKING JOKING.

nah y’all can fuck right off with that LMAO /srs

WHYYYYYYY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US OMG (ik why but it isn’t gonna stop me from asking)

um. i’m SO excited to see buck realize/have to do something to “leave” this “other life” (idk if it’s sarcastic or not yet, tbd)

yup. great. still an abuser. it never stops.

i.

LMFAOOOO.

OH. SO NOW HE GETS TO SEE THINGS THAT REMIND HIM OF HIS TRAUMA THATS SOOOOOOOO COOL.

ofc buck thinks he needs to fix something in someone else’s life in order to get out of his OWN FUCKING COMA. LIKE BRO. this man literally cannot get it out of his head that it is his job to fix everyone else because that is literally what he was born TO do. fuck that.

i…

BOBBY’S DEAD HERE??????

BRO OMG STOPPPP YALL DOING WAY TOO MUCHHHHHHHH HE CANT FUCJING BREATHE?????

lol bobby is always gonna feel responsible- I- I SWEAR THAT WAS BEFORE ATHENA SAID IT.

“even the strong snap eventually”

lol buck will be fine he literally can’t die no one will watch the show LMFAO (sorry not sorry)

omg i’m gonna lose my mind.

HIS GRANDPARSNTS TOOK HIM?????

wait a goddamn minute.

so you’re telling me buck’s existence saved, at least so far, Maddie, Bobby, Eddie and Christopher????

Shocker. (sarcasm)

Him being himself saved Bobby from drinking himself into oblivion while he ALSO SAVED EDDIE AND CHRISTOPHER BC HE INTRODUCED HIM TO CARLA ARE YOU JOKING?

i’m gonna cry omg christopher thanks so much lol.

he’ll be fine AWW THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

it’s there bc trauma lol

what in the… y’all what’s going on?

i’m sorry dead bobby is so funny PLS.

NOOOOOOOO BUCKKKKKK YKU MATTER THERE FUCK YOU “if it matters to you how other people see you then you haven’t learned a damn thing” ty dead bobby!

ok buck this has been silly and goofy and all but the episode is nearly over so time to wake up now buck, thanks. bc ik you will.

oh shit. LMAO. YEAH. HELL YEAH ITS ENOUGH YOU FUCKING BITCH. YE YESYEYSYEYYSEYSYEYSYEYEYEYEYEYSEYYESYSYSYSYEYSSYSYEYSYSYSYEYSYESYSYWYEYSYSYSWYSYSYEYSS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD GELL YEHAHAGAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHSHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHSGAYRORIRIEYEIEUUROYOIREGOINGHOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOYOURENOTTTTTTTLEAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFUCKYALLSOBYE-

what the hell? girl… whyd the music stop? girl go away. ew shut up. THEY ARE NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HES FUCKING LYING, BUCK HES LYING- ok not about that. i. OH MY FUCKING GOD… BUCK WAKE THE FUCK UP

OHYMHOGMGOFNDODDNDODKDODKDODKDOEEHWUWHWIEHWHEYWYEYEYEYEYEYEYSYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYESEYEYESYSUEDUSSYSYSYSYSYSSYSYSYSYYSSYSYSYEYSYSYSYDYDYDUSEUUDSHSUWHSIWJSIWJSJWUWJWOSKWOWM

SUCH A FANTASTIC FUCKING EPISODE BRO OMG PLEASE LET THE WRITERS CONTINUE ON THIS PATH BC THAT SHIT WAS SO FUCKING AMAZING YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

LMAO, VISITORS? PLS. I love these people sm y’all have no idea.

sure he is. lol. ok he still doesn’t have to forgive him for literal decades of no relationship???

…

ok… good for chim but still fuck his dad!

ew.

omg.

they’re being NICEEEEEE THE PARENTS ARE BEING NICE EWWWWWWWWWW (yes i’m a bit bitter…) ANYWAY I LOVED THE EP IT WAS SO FUCKING WARM AND VERY GOOD FOR BUCK

[sustainably-du-mortain]

Is it okay to ask for 1, 5, and 14 for Jonah, Madeleine, and Côme? If that’s too much then whoever you’re feeling like answering for!

You can always ask for all of them, I'm always happy to ramble about the blorbos!! <33

1. What is the relationship like between your detective and Rebecca?

Jonah

Out of the three of them, he has the worst relationship with Rebecca. The degree of Rebecca's absenteeism isn't the same for each of my detectives and for Jonah I hc that she was almost never there. By the age of 7 he basically lived with nannies and Rebecca visited every few months for a couple of days before leaving again. He resents her a lot for that and honestly, he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive her because he barely considers her to be his mother at all. And he doesn't hesitate to let her know. Despite that, he's decent to her at work because he considers that UB doesn't have to witness their poor relationship.

Madeleine

Her relationship with Rebecca definitely isn't the best. Rebecca was often away, but, although she was almost always late, she always made it for big events like Maddie's 18th birthday, her taekwondo tournaments or her graduation, but she wasn't there for every other little things like parents/teachers meetings, or when she had the flu. She doesn't resent her, because now that she knows what she does for work she can understand in some ways, but she's still sad because all she wanted was a mother. So, she's not mean to her but she isn't really friendly towards her either. About fixing their relationship, she's willing to do it if she sees that Rebecca is really putting efforts into it and that this isn't just talk.

Côme

They have the best relationship with Rebecca. They were quite the independent kid and had a vague understanding of her job, so they didn't really question it as long as she was there for every big moment of their life. But to be fair, she was there for almost every of their birthdays, even if she sometimes showed up late most of the time and always kept in touch for other little things. But there was always that distance between them: Rebecca wasn't a very affectionate parent while Côme really needed that. But their relationship recently started deteriorating when they understood how much secrets Rebecca kept from them about their own self, but also about Rook. So their relationship is really awkward at the moment.

5. Do they trust Rebecca with information about their life, or would they rather keep the information limited?

Jonah

Gosh no, Jonah absolutely doesn't trust her with info about him, even the tiniest detail. He cut ties with her when he left the house at 16 and when she showed up at the station, it was his first time seeing her again, in years. She has no idea what degree he got in uni, she didn't know he had a dog until someone from UB mentioned Bo, she didn't know about Bobby until b2, she still doesn't know anything about his past with him and will never know about it. If it wasn't for work he would have never contacted her again, so yeah, she's on a needs-to-know basis with him.

Madeleine

Yes and no. If Rebecca asks anything about her life she will talk about it, but she doesn't do it spontaneously. Also she never told Rebecca about her IBD and begged Elidor not to tell her. She doesn't know yet if she wants Rebecca to know about it, so she's keeping it secret for now, even though all of UB knows.

Côme

Despite the fact that they have the best relationship, they aren't really privy with each other. Rebecca knows about what's going on Côme's life because they keep in touch while she's away, but not regularly enough to know their kid properly and the info she has on Côme is often outdated. Yet Côme doesn't keep anything from her; she'd find out eventually, so they're always open about anything, at least if she asks. If she doesn't, Côme doesn't say anything.

14. Does your detective harbour any jealousy or resentment towards Unit Bravo for knowing Rebecca more than the detective or for being around her longer?

Jonah

He doesn't. It was Rebecca's job to be a parent and be there for him, not UB's so he doesn't blame them for that. They didn't know he existed so really there isn't anything to blame them for. And as for jealousy, he doesn't care enough about Rebecca to actually feel any of it.

Madeleine

She does feel a little jealousy towards UB for knowing Rebecca more than she does. She was longing for a better relationship with Rebecca for so long and seeing that UB got that before her really hurt her. Yet, she doesn't let it show, so it doesn't affect her relationship with UB.

Côme

They do feel jealousy towards UB. Even though their relationship with Rebecca is fairly decent, they were never really close and Côme envies that closeness they have with her, especially with Nat and especially after they discover how much secrets Rebecca has been keeping from them. How come UB gets to know and not their own kid? This definitely led to a little bit of conflict with Nat at the beginning.

Wayhaven asks | Rebecca edition