#a lot of it is probably to do with depression and headspace and all that fun stuff

[ripgray-moved]

good now, everyone! i didn't get as much as i wanted to done yesterday as my squid-friends pulled me into a bunch of turf war and then i chilled on discord with the dixham babies. on the plus side, i'm learning how to play a new weapon and am already taking to it well! i'm gonna do my best to get on some stuff today but if i'm being really honest... s.androck is calling my name bdhjn —

[jamiedc-they-them]

I heard you were taking Thunderbolts* requests? You can refuse there's absolutely no pressure!

What about Bucky with an adopted child, young adult? I don't really have a scenario, just some context that popped when I watched the movie yesterday :')

Like, Bucky can take care of himself, sure, but his child always makes sure he's not living on the bare minimum. During the happenings of the movie, they followed Bucky without his permission but ended up being useful in their own way (because Bucky taught them how to fight, of course).

I know it's a bit abstract, but I've always liked your blog, and the last request I gave you did not disappoint (probably a year ago or something), so I trust your brain can make up something wonderful!

(If you wanna get a little crazy, totally optional, you can make his child a mutant, with wings. Thought it could be funny :'D)

Own it (Platonic)

Summary: Being Bucky Barnes' adopted child comes with challenges. Challenges that boil over in ways that almost make you lose each other, both to your memories, and physically.

Requested by @len-psychofr

Warnings: Swearing, depression, self-hatred, violence, dead parents, Valentina.

Marvel Masterlist 1

Marvel Masterlist 2

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How was the party?" You asked, sitting curled near the window, eating some leftover takeout that Bucky had left out for you to have when you got back in from work.

This was actual work. Not hired gun work, not Black Widow work. Work-work. A job.

Mind you, it didn't exactly pay the bills.

Bucky did that. He was an elected official. You were happy for him, the pair of you making new names for yourselves after pasts you'd rather forget.

You, a shit mum who sold you to some research programme that Yelena Belova found you in. She wasn't in a great headspace, so she asked the Winter Soldier of all people to keep an eye on you.

Yelena had then disappeared, but Bucky had stayed.

A butterfly came through the window, landing on your finger.

"Met Valentina's assistant," he said as he shut the door behind him, "trying to scope me out."

"In what way?" you teased. You knew how people had a crush on Bucky. The way he made people swoon with the simple phrase of doll.

It was harmless...mostly.

He rolled his eyes, "you got a broken mind, kid. Sometimes wonder why I took you in if all you're gonna do is talk shit."

He meant it in a light-hearted way. It had the opposite effect.

You were good at hiding how things felt, though.

You laughed. He didn't read into it.

A proper dad would, you told yourself. Your brain told itself.

It told you a lot of things. Most of them are not nice.

Yet, here you stood still, with a man who was seemingly getting bored of you.

Bucky looked at you, waiting for the dishwasher to be done; you were looking at the butterfly still, smiling at it.

You didn’t get much of that in your youth, he guessed. Time to just slow down and appreciate your life and the life around you. Just survive constantly until the next day.

You heard his phone go. The butterfly flew away.

You finished your "meal" before clearing your throat, "your arm is done."

He nodded to you in thanks, pulling it from the dishwasher, the one he wore to the party being a dud.

You laid on your bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. He didn't --

"You don't touch them," Bucky sneered into his phone.

You poked your head out of the doorway, "Kid may be 'weak' but they're my kid. You don't go after them."

Oh. That was...mixed.

He slammed the phone down, accidentally crushing it with his arm that he had just cleaned.

You left the room, clearing your throat, "Everything ok?"

He let out a sigh, before turning around, “Yeah…no,” he was honest, at least, growth, “how much of that did you hear?”

You shook your head, “not much,” you lied, “just decided to come out when the phone got…you know…”

He nodded, both of you deciding to believe the lie. This was something serious.

“Take it trying to impeach the bitch isn’t going well.”

“Language,” you rolled your eyes, “but, no. But, there may be a way to find some people who can help.”

“I can help,” you said, arm going up.

“And, how is that?”

“Because it’s who my mum sold me to.”

“What?!” Bucky was walking towards you. 

You took a step back. He paused.

“Sorry…” he sounded apologetic.

He isn’t, a voice said in your mind, he’s just like her.

You cleared your throat, “it’s ok.”

“This is serious, (your name).”

“I can help,” you promised.

Bucky saw it in your eyes, a look that was in his long ago - though it still lingered, the past never fully went away: Redemption.

A want to make it right.

He knew you’d just follow anyway.

“You’re a pain in my arse, you know that?”

“So I’ve gathered.”

You had an attitude today. He just put it up to age. He remembered being in his mid-teen years as well. Anti-authority and all that.

He once got called a communist for it.

He nodded, “But you do exactly as I say, ok?”

“Aye aye,” you said, giving him a mock salute.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He took you to the garage, where he had a bike. He even donned a new outfit, and shades for some reason.

“You look like a cliche biker,” you said, waiting for him.

“And you look like a hipster.”

You gawked at him.

He got on the bike, you got on behind him.

He held something to you: A helmet.

“Really?”

“Safety first.”

You parroted what he said as you put it on, making sure it was secure.

“Hold on, I ain’t obeying traffic laws.”

“Wow, you’re so cool,” you said, dryly.

He shook his head, with you behind him, meaning you missed the smile on his face.

You set off, tearing through the mean streets and only almost dying several thousand times due to not obeying the traffic laws.

You even got pulled over at one point:

“Do you know who I am?” Bucky asked.

“Senator Barnes,” the officer looked at you, “and here’s your little scrap.”

“Walk off,” you said, the cop obeying.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that you had powers? We’ll get more into them later.

“Thank you,” Bucky said, starting the journey again.

“Uh-huh,” you said, not biting.

You drove on, and you did enjoy this part about America, the amount of diverse landscapes there were. From concrete jungles to more empty areas with deserts all around.

“So, who are we chasing, exactly?”

“Some people like us: fuck ups. One of them is the same girl who gave you to me.”

“Yelena?” You asked, wanting to see the woman who saved your life.

“That’s the one. We also got John Walker –”

“Fuck up Captain America, right?”

He snorted at the name, “That’s the one.”

“And the last one?”

“Ava Starr, The Ghost.”

“Cool name.”

“You said that about my name.”

“Well, I was lying then; that, and you didn’t like it.”

He looked at you from the mirror on the bike, you were a kind soul. He always admired that. You were traumatised and sarcastic, but deeply kind to others.

Just not yourself.

You made it. He held out his hand, and you placed a grenade launcher into it. He fired it, and you both rode through the smoke.

You leant to the side, “you got a plan?” he asked.

“Trust me?” 

He nodded: of course, he did, he just sometimes wasn’t great at showing it.

You zoomed off, carrying some bombs with you. You placed each of them on the trucks. 

All but one went off –

“Oh for fu–”

He fired his launcher at it, it did the job – doubly so when the grenade you had planted went off as well.

“It’s alright,” he said, “you’ll get them next time.”

You won’t, he had to clean up for you.

“You wanna do this one?” Bucky asked, holding out the last one.

He still trusted you.

You hesitated before taking it and zooming off once again.

It worked. The limousine flipped.

You just hoped Yelena survived.

She did. They all had. Even her dad.

You had read up on her ages ago, Bucky had given you her files.

You wanted to know about the friend who saved you.

She didn’t look too different, sans the blue eyeliner.

“You did good,” Bucky said. He’d said it before, but this time he sounded different. 

He doesn’t believe it.

“I mean it.”

You just hummed, looking back at the group of misfits.

Bucky called you kind, your therapist called you someone who got attached too quickly.

Maybe it was why, as everyone started to wake up, you hugged Yelena.

What? You only had two friends.

“(Your name)?” she asked, blinking a few times.

“Hi,” you said, backing away.

She smiled, “it’s good to see you again. Even if the circumstances aren’t great. You did blow up our car.”

You smiled, looking from friend to friend.

You felt good. You felt worth something. Not discarded.

You had helped.

Even your brain didn’t retort to that.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That car was priceless,” her father said.

“Sorry…” you apologised.

“Never apologise, little America,” he said, “your technique was flawless.”

“Uh…”

“That’s Alexei,” Bucky said, “Yelena’s father.”

You waved, he nodded.

You listened to your father’s proposed plan: Impeach Valentina.

“That’s why you’ll go with (Your name) and –”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa –” You shot up, finger waving, “uh-uh.”

You had shifted back quickly.

Bucky sighed, turning back to you.

“So, I told you all that about where my mum sold me too and tell you this and the first thing you think about is impeaching Valentina?”

“She’s a threat.”

“So were - are - we!”

“So we are –”

“Don’t fucking correct me!” he flinched at your words. They had affected him.

“Don’t. Talk.” He didn’t open his mouth. Your powers had worked again.

“They care about this Bob dude, ok? Valentina hurt him. What was it you said to me once?”

He didn’t talk.

“Say it!” your voice had a deep rumble to it.

“That you don’t let those who can’t defend themselves get hurt.”

“Exactly,” you pointed at them, “we’re the best shot he’s got, ok? We go there, we find him and we stop Valentina.”

He agreed. Alexei cheered.

Your ragtag team was born.

You sat in the back of the van with Yelena, Ava and John. 

It was a battered truck, with small little holes in it. You looked out of one, seeing an old friend: The Butterfly from before.

“What’s the weirdo looking at?” John asked.

“Knock it off,” Ava warned.

“What is it?” Yelena asked, looking at you.

“It’s a butterfly,” you answered.

She turned, finding a hole to look out of with you.

“It’s very pretty.”

You smiled, “it’s a reminder of what we’re fighting for in this capitalistic hellscape of ours.”

“Sounds a bit commie to me.”

You spun round to John, “Why? You do know that like, not liking capitalism isn’t a hot fucking idea, right? You gonna go all-new Captain America, gonna crush my head in with your shield as well?”

“What, no. How do you even –”

“I live with Bucky, we’re friends. He told me.”

“What are you? Twelve?” 

“Seventeen.”

“Seventeen, and looking at butterflies still.”

“God forbid someone has a hobby, John.” Ava said.

“Look – all I’m saying is, you don’t like my helmet, but you don’t mind them looking at butterflies.”

“How are those two things related?”

“They – they aren’t. I just – I just want someone to like my helmet.”

You hated that you felt yourself tear up a small amount.

Yelena put a hand on your shoulder, “Ignore him.”

“No, it’s fine,” you said, rubbing your eyes, “I’m used to people like him. Besides, he’s right –”

“No,” both Ava and Yelena said.

“World we live in, we just fight to get ourselves through it, until we die,” you looked at him, eyes still glassy, “Thank you for reminding me of that.” You were sincere.

John loathed that you were sincere with your thanks. He didn’t mean to accidentally dig. From the look in your eyes, you didn’t mean to throw it so harshly back at him, either.

You’re not kind, you're nasty and cruel. You deserved what happened to you. You hurt him. Look, look at him. Damaged but not broken. Then there’s you, you cu–

“That’s – that’s not what I –” 

The truck smashed through the wall before he could finish.

You were brutal with your fighting: Just like you were told. 

Bucky and you even made a team.

Hell, you did with everyone: John launched you up with his shield, Yelena and you went back to back, you flung one person up and Ava appeared to slam them into the ground, and you threw someone at Alexei for him to hook. 

You made it up to Valentina after being invited.

“Oh, you,” she said, looking at you in disgust, “I thought I got rid of you a long time ago.”

“Oops.”

“You know,” Valentina said, walking towards you. Yelena took a step forward, Valentina didn’t clock her as she leant down close to you, “When your mother left you in my…care –”

“Don’t believe her, (your name),” John said.

Bucky went forward, but Alexei put a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head: Trust your child.

“She only asked that your name get changed. The rest of it could do what I wanted with you. She took the money and left.”

Ava went to use her ability.

“Uh-uh,” Valentina said, “look, whatever weird protection squad you’ve assembled here for little old (nickname), when - truthfully - I thought you were here for Bob, is all very cute and all. But, guys, let’s not forget here, I’m the one with all the cards on the table.”

She looked to Yelena, “You really do just pick up strays, don’t you,” she cocked her head to the side, “Bob, the little brother; (your name) the little sib. God, you learnt how to do that from Nat, didn’t you.”

Yelena pursed her lips at the words.

Valentina wasn’t digging her grave further, she was just digging the knife deeper into you all.

Bob appeared, in an outfit with his hair slicked back.

“I heard it all,” he proclaimed, “you’ve replaced me already.”

“Bob, no –” Yelena tried to dissuade her friend, but Valentina spoke before she could finish.

“They did, that’s right,” she said, putting a hand on his chest in what you hoped was meant to be a maternal gesture, “they’re criminals, Bob. It’s what they do: They lie, they cheat, they betray.”

You fought for your lives. You were the last one standing.

Bob picked you up by your throat. He looked to Yelena, “So this is who you’re replacing me with.”

“Bob, (brother), no. No, I didn’t –”

He looked at you, “I’ve seen that look before, that want to die. I can do that for you.”

“Let them run,” Valentina ordered.

You barely remembered getting outside. 

Yelena was tearing into everyone. You were out of your mind doing this, even attempting it.

She then turned to you, “and you…you deserve so much better, (your name). Better than us –”

“Hey –”

“No, Bucky, look,” Yelena pointed at you, “look at them. They’re a mess. They deserve stability.”

“I know!” Bucky lost control for a second. Yelena backed away. He put his hands up in an apology, taking a step back, “I know,” he said in a softer tone.

Bucky turned towards you, reaching an arm out, “What did he –”

“Fuck off.”

“Language,” the three males said.

“Don’t act all parental to me now Bucky, just because we got our arses kicked.”

“Where’s this coming from –”

“You,” you pushed him, “what was it, huh? ‘Sometimes wonder why I took you in if all you're gonna do is talk shit.’? Or, or was it ‘Kid may be 'weak'’?”

“I also said you don’t go after them.”

“Doesn’t matter,” you spat, “you agreed with her.”

“Who says that about their own child?!” Alexei was angered on your behalf.

“A tired dad who didn't mean it,” Bucky defended.

“Oh no,” you pointed a finger in his face, “you said it. Own it.” 

“Own it! You shouted, but this time you didn’t use your power.

“I did – I did say those things…and I can’t excuse them.”

There was a pause. Before:

“If I - if I can have a go.”

“Sure, John, join happy hour.”

“Oh, fuck you, Bucky,” John then softened his tone as he looked at you, “Look, I screwed up with my kid, alright? I was a lousy dad,” he waited to be made a punchline; when no one did, he continued, “I’d do anything to take it back. But, I’d burn the whole world down just to see my kid and wife again and try and pick up the pieces.

It might be too late for me, I don’t think it is for you guys.”

You and Bucky just looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

“Sometimes it is for some,” was what Yelena said, looking at Alexei before walking away. Alexei followed.

You looked to Ava, “So, what are you going to do now?” 

She let out a breath, “to be honest, I don’t entirely know. I guess, do what I’m best at: run.”

“You?” she asked.

You lifted your arms before letting them hit your sides. You were burnt out, at this point.

Why did you think you could do this? Help? Look at how that’s gone.

Screams, you heard screams next.

People were disappearing.

Someone was in the sky…Bob.

You moved without thinking. Instinct took over.

You helped zip someone out of the way. You were thanked. 

You were thanked a few more times, and someone even shook your hand when in relative safety.

Together, you all lifted a wall. 

You were cheered.

Maybe you weren’t complete fuck ups after all.

Yelena stood at the edge of darkness…she walked into it.

Alexei broke down.

You all took cover, John comforting Alexei as he wept.

You looked out at the darkness.

You felt a pull to it.

It was calling to you and –

A hand went on your shoulder. A metallic one.

“If you’re going into it to help her,” he said, “I’m going with you.”

You looked from him to Bob in the sky, to the darkness engulfing New York.

“I don’t fucking care for New York,” you said, starting to walk, “but I ain’t leaving Yelena to fend for herself.”

“We’re coming too,” Ava said.

“If there is even a chance that my Yelena is alive in there,” Alexei said, choked, “then I will fight with all I have.” 

So, as a united front, you ran into it…

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dad,” you called out, looking around.

You were alone in a void.

Then, you heard voices, “Just, change their name. Pull whatever strings you need,” your mother said to Valentina. You were shaking in the corner of a room.

“Done and done,” Valentina said, shaking her hand, “take her out.”

You learnt that she meant that in two ways when you saw your mother be escorted out, and then when you heard a gunshot ring out.

Valentina crouched by your younger self, “Now, what are we going to call you?”

Valentina, or your mind's version of…well, it wasn’t a warped version, but still, looked up at the real you: “You shouldn’t have made it. But, to be honest, I’m kind of glad you did. Bob would likely have been harder to turn on them if you weren’t here.”

You shut your eyes, trying not to well up.

“Oh,” Valentina cooed, “You gonna cry? Is your…protection squad not here to help you anymore?” 

“You’re not real…”

“Oh, honey, no I’m not. But, I must have fucked you up badly to even be here in the first place and talking to the real you. To be honest, I forgot you as soon as I left. Figured that the trash would just take itself out.

“Oh well, adjustments and all –”

“You grabbed her throat, slamming her into the wall.

“There it is. There they are. There’s the monster I wanted.”

“You’re not real.”

“We’ve established that.”

You took your hands off of her throat. You looked around. It was this void that was showing you this. 

You shut your eyes and took some deep breaths. 

You heard a flutter. Opening them, you saw the butterfly again.

It landed on your hand.

“Show me the way, buddy,” you whispered to it.

When it left your hand, the scene shifted.

You were in the apartment that you shared with Bucky, your home. The only place you have felt safe in.

Bucky rushed you, “You were the runt. You ruined me! All you had to do, was keep your mouth shut, and I wouldn’t have had to be re-elected!”

You were being choked on the table. 

Even without his metal arm, he was strong.

You could feel your vision fading when –

“Get. Off!” He was whacked across the room.

…Bucky? Appeared in your vision again.

“Hey. Hey, it’s me, buddy. It’s me,” he rushed out the words, helping you sit up as you caught your breath back.

“How the – how the hell are you here?” You coughed.

“Dad power.”

You chuckled, being down to only small coughs now, “You’re weird.”

“I’m also sorry,” he said, hand on your shoulder, “I didn’t mean for the broken mind comment to come across how it did.”

You waved it off, “No, I’m serious, (your name). It hurt you, it matters.”

You nodded, he meant it.

“Talk about it later? I promise.”

He nodded, he could do that.

You made your way to Bob and Yelena, helping them not get hit by the debris.

Yelena nodded to you, you nodded back.

She then took Bob’s hands, promising that they were there and made him take them to the darkest parts.

He did, he trusted you.

John punched his dad, not using his nickname of ‘Bobby’ anymore. 

Bucky punched the high version of Bob before you all moved through the cellar door.

There, you were in a lab. Yelena recognised it.

There he stood: The void. The part of Bob that internalised all the self-hatred.

It moved on you, pinning you all and splitting the ground to create more distance.

Bob declared himself not alone, running and tackling this part of him, throwing punches.

It wasn’t working. It was doing the opposite.

Yelena got out first, using her acrobatics to reach him. She didn’t do any fancy moves, she just hugged him.

John was next. 

Bucky looked at you, “You go, I’ll be right behind you. I promise.”

He pushed your rubble enough to let you get out.

You started running, about to zip when the ground shuddered and you stumbled. 

Ava grabbed you, “I’ve got you!” 

You zipped the pair of you to Bob, holding him in the hug.

“We have you,” you said. Given how he cried out, your voice and power had reached him.

Alexei and Bucky then joined, and together you pulled him out of his spiral and back to New York.

You and Yelena stayed with him. Yelena reached over, hand going into yours.

You squeezed.

Her newly found siblings were ok. 

Attached quickly? Sure, but sometimes love worked like that. She cared.

Alexei offered a hand, you took it and were hoisted up.

“I am glad you are ok, little American. Where is Big American?”

“Present,” Bucky said.

“Ah,” Alexei put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, then yours, “you seem to have mended your problem?”

You looked at each other, “we’re getting there.”

“Progress is good, my friends!” He cheered, bringing you both into a bone-crushing hug. You didn’t mind it, though, hugging him back.

“Now,” he put you both down, “what say you, we deal with Valentina?”

It didn’t work out like that. 

Instead, you now owned her.

The New Avengers were born.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were all broken people. Dented by the world and internalised it the wrong way. You knew that, but you couldn’t help when your brain spiralled.

You were all just existing after a mission, and you found yourself on the sofa, lying on it and looking at the ceiling.

You hated it, you thought after this journey you would be complete. Why weren’t you –

“Hey,” Yelena said as she crouched near you, “bad brain day?” 

You looked at her, nodding.

She smiled sympathetically, she kissed your head, “Silly brain.”

Bob entered the room, then, “Hey,” he was still unsure, but powered through, “I did most of the dishes,” you smiled at your friend, “but, I left some things…if you wanted to do them.”

Ah, so he knew.

You got up silently, walked over to your friend, and hugged him.

He hugged you back.

You nodded to each other, “proud of you,” you said to him, giving his arms a squeeze.

He squeezed back, “proud of you, too.”

It had been a mantra for you both.

You went to the kitchen, finding a few glasses left and Bucky’s arm.

You did the first few dishes fine, then found your way to the arm.

“Ah, was wondering where you were,” Bucky said, coming up to you and putting a hand on your back, “Yelena told me that today was a cloudy head day?” 

You nodded, not having the energy for words.

“That’s alright,” he assured. 

Then he looked at his arm, “You’re doing a great job.”

You hummed.

“You know,” he said, leaning against the counter, “when Yelena told me about keeping you, I wasn’t sure if I could do it. If I could be what you…needed.”

You looked to him, continuing your cleaning duties.

“But,” he continued, “I think…maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe I needed you. Something to fight for, rather than just an abstract concept of good. I was so scared I’d screw it up, and I have don’t get me wrong. 

“But…I’m never going to stop trying to be the parent you deserve. I’m even asking Alexei and - god help me - John.”

You silently chuckled. He smiled.

“I’m proud of you, on the good and bad days. I’m here for all of them.”

You held his arm to him. He picked it up and put it on.

He then kissed your hair.

You looked out the window.

You took in a breath. 

One day at a time.

[bebx]

I am about to just word vomit so much words that im going to need to go down on my knees and apologise for it, sorry if im clogging your inbox.

Junho and Gihun being dogs got me thinking about how Inho basically now got 2 service dogs, it makes hiding from them a lot more difficult because they can now sniff and notice subtle cues from Inho to let them know if Inho is spiraling or feeling depressed.

Junho probably will bite inho to get him out of the bad headspace while gihun just lay on him to keep him grounded or just start licking. Poor inho is just constantly needing to get rid of slobs and basically have first aid kit around for times where junho bites him a bit too hard.

There is no way junho wont be those dramatic dogs that just let out a pathetic howl everytime inho needs to leave the house to do errands or go to the toliet, he acts like inho went missing or went back to the island and is always so excited to see him come back that he just flops on his back and practically beg for belly pats, he always come back his senses fairly quickly but it is already too late so he tries to act less clingy but always finds himself lying down at inhos foot 10mins later.

Gihun probably act more like those paranoid guard dogs (like how he was always on lookout in the games) and is just unconsciously guarding inho like he is a president, it gets awkward real quick when gihun would sit just outside of the showers in the bathroom, making it even more cramp that it already is. Inho tried to lock the bathroom door once and with the power of a paranoid gihun and a clingy junho, they broke the bathroom door down FBI style so now inho leaves all the doors slightly ajar to prevent that from happening again. (And to also prevent another heart attack)

Sleeping is probably the only perks inho really enjoy because its like sleeping with 2 fluffy furnaces so he is just super warm and comfortable (unless they both lie on top of him and almost suffocate him again)

Imagine how awkward it will be after they turn back into humans and how much of the dog instinct still stays with them. Junho had to stop himself from biting inho everytime he wants his attention and gihun has caught himself mid licking inho's face when trying to wake him up.

This is just a dumb scenario but inho decided to go take a shower and thinks he can finally close the door fully and finally have privacy. When he is washing the shampoo out of his hair, he felt a shadow looming over him that he basically turn his head so fast just to be greeted with gihun who slip in quietly when inho was fiddling with the water temperature and inho just let out a high pitch scream thinking he was about to be murdered in the showers. They had to buy a new door for the bathroom because junho broke it down in panic even though it is not locked. (The only good thing from this is inho and gihun now takes showers together to prevent future heart attacks after this happen a few more times)

The universe is expanding ♡

Never apologize for giving me these delicious ideas. You guys are making me want to write something about dog! Jun-ho and dog! Gi-hun too 🥹 okay, we have to get to Cat! In-ho first and then it’s a sequel xx

[generalllimaginesss]

"If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you” with Jack.

I can only imagine what it would be like to have fans attack you if you were publicly dating him. I feel like Jack is so conscious of this. And he’s just soft boyfriend Jack trying to block out the unnecessary noise.

Maybe they just went public and she’s getting a lot of hate and it’s making her insecure. And Jack reminds her that it’s just them against the world and the only people whose opinions matter are their family and friends who love her.

Warnings: self depreciation, insecurities, self image issues, etc. Please don't read if you're not in a good headspace!!!

This is probably my favorite thing that I’ve written. I hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!

plus size! reader x Jack Hughes

••

You knew that dating somebody in the limelight would have its challenges. Hell, dating an average person was hard. But nothing could have prepared you for the magnitude of hate that hit as soon as Jack went public with your relationship.

It wasn't like the relationship was new. The two of you had been dating for almost a year before he decided to post you on his Instagram. You let Jack set the pace since he was used to the attention. He could let things go in one ear and out the other a lot easier than you could. He was almost conditioned to be able to do that. You, on the other hand, took everything very personally. Every comment about your weight, about what you wore, about how Jack looked miserable with you, they all hit you like a ton of bricks.

You didn't understand why all of these people were coming at you saying so many horrible things, but Jack tried his best to ease your mind and remind you that at the end of the day it was you and him.

He did a really good job at this normally, but he was away on a roadie for a few days and things began to get really bad. This started when you saw a fan account for Jack post something about how Jack downgraded from Sienna to you and all of the comments agreeing.

It was like a rabbit hole...once you clicked on that post it led you to many others. They all made you feel like shit, but when people started commenting on your body, saying that they "didn't know Jack dated plus size girls," it hurt. Your body was yours. It wasn't like you could just zip it off and find a new one, but if you could you would, just to shut the comments up.

You spent the 3 days Jack was gone in a really dark depression. No laundry was done, you hadn't showered, and you barely could make yourself get out of bed to brush your teeth. Dishes piled in the sink, but you couldn't make yourself do them. You knew the signs of your depression, but you welcomed them in a way, almost like a coping mechanism. Not allowing people to see you was the only way the haters couldn't get new material. Was it a healthy way to cope? Obviously not, but it was what worked in the moment.

As soon as Jack walked through the front door, returning from the games, he could tell something wasn't right. You always kept up with the chores when he was away, normally making the house spotless before he got back. So when he saw the state of the kitchen and eventually the rest of the house, he knew something was off.

When he walked into the bedroom and saw that you were pretty much in the same spot he left you in he immediately dropped his bags and climbed into the bed with you, forcing you to look at him.

He gently shifted your body to face him, cupping your cheek gently with his hand.

"Baby, what happened," He made note of the streaks that stained your face, probably from countless hours of crying. He wanted to make them disappear immediately. You were his happy-go-lucky, carefree girl. You danced around the house all the time, singing whatever song was playing. This side of you was uncharted territory that he wanted to take away so bad.

"I just need you to hold me," You began to hyperventilate, worried that if he didn't hold you that he would leave you. Even though that would never in a million years cross his mind. But he did as you asked, and whether it was for 5 minutes or 30 minutes, he didn't know. He held you until you pulled away.

"Can we talk about it?" Jack asked, pulling the hair that crusted on your cheek from the tears out of your face. He treated you like you were fragile, and you hated that he felt that way.

"It's just the comments, Jack. I'm already insecure sometimes and these people come at me in so many horrible ways," You began to explain, loose tears streaming down your face, but you were composed otherwise.

"They compare me to Sienna, and God, I know I'm not as pretty as her. They tell me I'm fat and that they didn't know you dated "fat" girls. It's just insane. Do they not realize that I actually am a real person with real emotions? Do they know that I've believed, at some point in time, the things they are saying? I've worked so hard to get to this place where I'm at, to love who I am, and within the span of 3 days they just tear it all down," You let the words just flow from your mouth, whatever thought that comes to mind is voiced to Jack.

"Baby, they don't care. They don't care because they're jealous," He tries to soothe you, but it almost made you mad. Not at Jack, but at the whole situation.

"What the fuck are they jealous of? My thighs that I cover with leggings and pants so that I won't have to go through the pain of them chafing? Are they jealous of the fucking stretch marks that go up my stomach, so I refuse to wear regular bikini bottoms? I mean what the fuck, do they want my anxiety and depression? I will gladly give them that..." The tears were beginning to pick up, but Jack continued to rub your back, waiting to get the chance to speak again.

"I know you could have any girl you wanted. It makes me sick when I see some blonde walk past that looks like she stepped out of a magazine because I know that's what you deserve. You don't deserve this. You're Jack fucking Hughes," You looked at him, your lip quivering. You were going to say something else, but Jack put his finger on your lips, gently stopping you from continuing.

"You gotta stop that. I can't let you keep putting yourself down like this, not when I love you with my whole fucking heart," He began.

"First off, I had that. I had whatever you consider a girl walking out of a magazine is. Look how that turned out. It didn't, did it? You don't look like Sienna, and I'm so fucking glad because I don't want her kind of beautiful. I want your kind. I want to see all of the things on your body that show me that you lived. I don't want some manufactured cookie-cutter girlfriend. I want somebody that nobody else has," He pulled you in for a hug, continuing to talk while placing kisses ever so gently on your cheek and neck, looking out the window at the busyness that was the outside world. All he could think about was how you didn't see what he saw. Why couldn't you see it?

"Baby, I want you to realize something. If the entire human population was in front of me, I'd still choose you. Without a second thought, with no regrets. Every. Single. Time. You have such a special relationship with my brothers and that means the absolute world to me. They love you so much. My parents tell me I should marry you anytime that you come up in the conversation. The entire team has commented on how much happier I am with you. And if I'm being completely honest, at the end of the day I don't give a damn what anybody else has to say because it's me and you until the end. Do you understand me?" He broke the hug, cupping your face with both hands and wiping at the tears with his thumbs.

"I love you," You whisper, your voice long gone by now.

Jack pulls your forehead toward his lips, kissing it for a few seconds before letting your head go.

"I love you, too. More than you, or anybody else, will ever know. Now, I think we could go for some cleaning karaoke, yeah? I'll wash the dishes if you'll dry them," He poked at your side, trying, and succeeding, in forcing a grin on your face.

"Only if we can get a shower together afterwards," You bargained, taking in the beautiful boy.

"Deal," He says and drags you off to the kitchen, connecting his phone the the speaker and blaring Dierks Bentley's new song "Beer at My Funeral," occasionally twirling you in a circle.

The water may or may not have gotten everywhere since Jack decided it was a good idea to spray you with the hose that connected to the sink, but he enjoyed every second that he got chased by you around the island.

Once the dishes were put up and the shower washed away the remaining bit of your depression, Jack couldn't help but to just admire you. He promised himself then that he would remind you so often of how beautiful you were so that would be the only words ringing through your head, taking up any space that the hate may have. Because it was true. You were the most beautiful and precious thing that had ever walked into his life, and he'd be damned if anyone made you feel otherwise.

*

*

*

*

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

RAHHH UR INBOX IS OPEN AGAIN AND IM BACK!!!!!

(This has a slight tw for depression I think)

Jeff, ej and Toby with a (Gn) s/o going through a depressive episode where they’re like not eating that much, not really taking care of themselves, generally just feeling empty and wearing baggy clothes and stuff. Also listening to really sad music like “how to never stop being sad” (by dandelion hands) I love that song but it’s genuinely so miserable 😭😭

Thank u!!!!

YES I AM BACK THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!!

TW: depressive themes are constant throughout this entry, Jeff's entry has knives in the photo

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeff

Jeff is a haver of many episodes

Manic, depressive, you name it

That being said, he absolutely will not tolerate you going down that rabbit hole

He absolutely forces you out of the episode, whether you like it or not

He doesn't care what you wear or listen to, so don't expect him to do much about that unless your music or clothes actively makes you feel worse

He won't force you to eat, per se, but he bribes you to eat if that makes sense

For example, he will steal your phone and won't return it until you've eaten something

And sometimes he'll full on dissapear

He will only return when you eat

Not taking care of yourself and your emotions are probably the only thing on that list that he will actually be nice about

If you arent bathing or washing yourself, he will randomly hug you from behind, slowly kissing your neck and leading you into the shower

If you are comfortable with it, he will stay and shower with you, helping you wash your hair, scrubbing your skin with your bubbly soaps, kissing you gently and telling you how good you're doing, and how strong you are

If you aren't comfortable with him showering with you, he will stand outside the door and listen until he hears the shower run

Then he walks off and gets your bed ready, getting your favorite drinks and tv show set up

And when you feel empty, he will understand

He will be there to hold you, stroking your hair and kissing your face

If you want to cry it out, cry it out

If you want to scream and yell, let it all out

There is very little he wont tolerate when it comes to you

Eyeless Jack

As the manors head doctor, and a demon with very good senses (and the ability to smell horemones), he almost instantly knows when something changes with you

He doesn't pressure you on it though, he will wait for you to talk to him when you're ready

I think the only time he would take matters into his own hands is if you were actively getting worse mentally, or threatning to hurt yourself

If he sees you arent eating, he will try to coax you out of that slump, informing you on just small little snacks you can eat

Or maybe he would offer to make you a smoothie full of nutrients, that way you dont have to actually eat anything if you just aren't up for it

He is the only person on this list who would really care about your change in clothes

He would inform you about how the way someone dresses reveals a lot about their mental health, and how you should dress for the headspace you want, because the first step to becoming happier is by making yourself feel happy about your body

If you stop taking care of yourself, he will be more than happy to accommodate that

He will buy you dry shampoo and baby wipes, that way at the very least, you wont feel disgusting

And if you dont feel grimey and gross, it gives you a better chance of feeling better mentally

When presented with the idea of you feeling empty inside, he wouldn't really know what to do

Despite him doing extensive research on psychology, he isn't really good with other's emotions

And so, he would just ask you what you want him to do

And whatever you say, im sure he would be happy to do

Ticci Toby

And his tend to get really really bad

Like Jeff, Toby also experiences depressive episodes

So when he sees you exhibiting those same behaviors he gets really nervous and worried

He tries his hardest to get you out of it as soon as possible so you don't have to experience that pain, but as we know, that rarely works

If he noticed you weren't eating, he wouldn't force you or make you eat, but he would always offer to share his food with you

Eventually, it would get to the point of him begging you just to eat something, If not for yourself, for him

He loves you so much and can't stomach the thought of losing you

He doesn't really notice if you start wearing baggier clothes, as he doesn't really pay attention to what people wear anyways

He'd probably just think that it's your new style

If you stop taking care of yourself, he would try to motivate you by making it fun!

Seeing who can brush their teeth the fastest and cleanest, who can get softer hair just by washing it, who can fake laugh without actually laughing longest, etc

If you aren't in the mood for that though, he'd understand and simply wait until you are comfortable enough

When it comes to you feeling empty, he would try to get you to laugh by telling you stories from his childhood

Like the time he chased his sister with a slug, or the time he accidentally shaved off his eyebrows

And when you do finally laugh, he will smile and kiss your face, telling you how gorgeous you are when you smile

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

[pineappleciders]

My feelings on autistic SUNNY headcanons are complicated. He's antisocial and mute, but his sister and friends treats him like a small animal or a baby, even though he's a year younger than the others, which is infantilizing and dehumanizing, but that's probably because OMOCAT is a shotacon and put that in SUNNY`s relationships.

uh okay? i'm not sure why you'd send this to me of all people 😭 but i've never seen any of the characters treat sunny badly? the closest thing is kel petting sunny while he was asleep cuddling mewo, other than that i don't understand where you get that from. mari very clearly wants sunny to get out more and socialize, but she understands he struggles and doesn't push him. i'm not sure how you managed to associate them calling him the baby of the group with them being ableist. i personally think he's autistic 1. because i see a lot of myself in him 2. he's extremely imaginative and can build entire worlds for himself in his mind, and OMOCAT has said he is the only character capable of doing this, implying he's not mentally the same as everyone 3. he struggles with socializing and speaking (of course this is something also worsened by the incident and his trauma+depression as well) and usually lets others speak for him. this is something he seems to enjoy as in headspace, his "ideal" world, he literally never utters a word and prefers to have everyone else speak instead. his friends in headspace also understand his fears and try to help him with them, even hero encourages him with his fear of spiders despite his own fear. and MARI in headspace, along with the "SOMETHING" (arachnopohiba, thalassophobia, etc) boss fights, is always the one to help him with being brave and getting over it. of course these are either his dreams or hallucinations of mari, but i do believe they're based in reality, as mari always showed wanting sunny to step out of his shell while ALSO not making him too uncomfortable.

either way, to me it seems you read dialogue with your eyes closed and you might want to put a little more effort into understanding the characters before accusing the way they treat sunny as demeaning just because he is autistic. and i'm tired of mari mischaracterization!!

also, please stop sending me ur weird opinions or weird asks like this just because i happen to hc him as autistic. i don't want to hear your "hot takes" on my disability 🫠 anons please be normal

[omegaverse-daily]

Hi! Can you please give us some info on how tragedies like a miscarriage or infertility from an omega would be handled? Would their mate react differently depending on them being an alpha beta or omega? How do omegas commonly heal from that

These might be mostly omega based but there will be some alpha and beta hc too within.

Loss:

* Omegas who lose a pregnancy, or even just a pup at that in any form, can face it in a bunch of different ways. Shock, loud grief, self hatred, deep depression, etc.

* Everyone goes through grief differently, but for a sub gender that’s very instinctually driven (most of the time) to have children, they likely take much longer coming out of the pain/numbness that loss of a child brings.

* Omegas grieve loudly or in silence, wrapped up in the empty comfort of their nests if they have one, whether they have a partner or not, they zone out into their own grief for a good long while before they grieve together with their partner or their pack or family.

* They become glued to their partner/packmate/family members side while they’re healing, touch often serving as the most grounding thing for them. (Touch averted or sensitive omegas probably just enjoy general closeness and calming scents as their form of comfort if they’re not feeling very touchy)

* Healing from these things can take a long time and being fully healed from such a loss can never come for some, but having their close people around as much as possible gets them to or as close to healing as possible.

* For some omegas, healing might come in the form of trying for another as soon as they healthily can.

* An omega with an alpha partner will probably spend a lot of time being crooned at or rumbled at, their alpha mate doing what they can verbally but also naturally. Those sounds are not only naturally healing but also stress relieving (healing in itself). Their alpha will probably also become incredibly protective during this period, not keeping them shut in per say, but guarding them and coddling them as much as possible, they might become more growly and less tolerant of others until their omega shows signs of feeling better. The alpha will also get comfort from their omega, purring when their alpha seems down despite being down themselves. The general closeness and ability to care for their omega helps them as well through their own emotions, comfort coming in from showing care and love.

* Omegas with beta partners will likely receive very tactical and thought out care, being able to use their knack for emotional regulation as an advantage. They emit a much more relaxed protectiveness, delicate with their omega partner. They guard them less than an alpha does and more so guides them through discomforts. Betas get their comfort through similar means as alphas do, making sure their omega is comfortable and that they’re doing everything they can for that to happen. Since betas can’t make all sounds alphas or omegas can, they rely more on touch and spoken words, reciprocating sounds where they can, but more often saying sweet nothings and gently comforting their partners.

* Omegas with omega partners mourn together, omega partners knowing most what type of dread fills them up at even just the idea of losing a child. They spend a lot of time grooming their omega partner and spreading calming omega pheromones. A lot of gentle skin ship and over nesting happens, creating a super cozy space for them. Omegas can get really protective like alphas can, omegas with omega partners who’ve experienced loss can even tend to be a bit scarier. Their nest becomes their safest most sacred space while the other is healing and they won’t let anything taint the safety. They purr often, sweet chirps also joining the mix when they want the other to listen to them, coaxing them out of their dark headspace through the gentlest and most familiar of means.

Infertility:

* Omegas who find out they’re infertile or really close to infertility (struggle super hard with having children) can struggle in very different ways to omegas who have lost children.

* They struggle with deep frustration, their instincts never, or near never, able to be satisfied. Wanting so badly to have their own pups can lead to depression or bursts of frustration induced rage.

* They’ll probably be a little destructive at first, mind fighting with body more than anything. They’ll likely wall themselves up before dropping guard and needing comfort.

* Omegas who deal with infertility can sometimes deal heavily with urges to take other pups, nest robbery of sorts and they can struggle to regulate their hormones and emotions when faced with puppies especially when they first find out.

* Partners of omegas who are infertile would probably all act the same in one way or another. Alphas and betas and omega partners with infertile partners most commonly tend to be supportive, but as with any life changing issue some can react poorly too.

* Omegas deal with large self esteem issues due to infertility. Feeling like failures that one of the things their bodies should be good at, that their bodies are basically coded for, they can’t do. Omegas often have to go through a lot of therapy to feel better and if not, they spend a lot of time clinging to people in their life who provide support to them, no matter what, they often need help boosting themselves back up from that feeling of failure.

I’m sorry I don’t have more ideas for infertility but!!!! these are my little ideas for your ask! I’m sorry it’s so long and if there’s any funny mess ups I’m writing this at work oops. These are probably a little jumbled but I tried my best hehe.

-Puppy Mod

[dragon-queen21]

Hi there! Could I please request for you to do a writing prompt thingy about Baby regressor Shigaraki and Toddler regressor dabi being taken care/watched by Kuroguri? Not like an angst way but like a fluff/humor way. This would be in the weird gray area time either before or after they tried to convert Bakugo to be a villain. I was thinking maybe something like Kurogiri being used tomura being a little older in headspace and not uses to dabi regressing at all, kinda like a "oh god I have to stop the toddler from hiding things and making messes AND I have to stop the baby from attempting to follow those footsteps" type of deal? I think it would be cool because dabi gets to kinda be a big brother to tomura in a way. Tomuras headspace being like 0-1 and Dabi's being 2-3, and they both have gear like pacifiers, diapers, sippy cups/bottles, baby/toddler toys, etc even though it doesn't make a whole lot of sense for the time period because they just stoll it. Sorry if this is a lot to ask! I really like your account and I totally get it if you dont want to do this! Thank you!

Regressors Shigaraki & Dabi headcanons

+cg Kurogiri

So I don't really do prompts so to speak for fandoms, but I just took this instead as presenting you with some headcanons. Which honestly I had a lot of fun with I enjoy having more specific ideas to work with. So I hope these work for you :D

~~~

~First of all, Dabi who doesn’t realize that his older brother instincts aren’t as long gone and dead as he thought they were. Ends up accidently pushing Shigariaki to regress further than usual, because when Dabi’s regressed he doesn’t realize that the things that he’s doing don’t go along with his regular persona. For example, taking the container of juice out of Shigaraki’s hands to pour it himself, because, obviously, Shigaraki’s too little to do that, and he’s the big brother here.

~Kurogiri finds the two of them with Shigaraki sitting in Dabi’s lap, babbling something at the mentally elder and just blue screens for a moment. Because one, Dabi acting soft to literally anyone. And two, baby space Shigaraki

~Literally that vine ->

Kurogiri: “What do you have?” Dabi: “A knife!” Shiagaraki: (baby babbles in agreement)

~Mind you that I think the rest of the league is watching in varying levels of amusement. Mr. Compress usually watches over Toga and Dabi and he’s just enjoying the chaos that the fire user is causing like, ‘finally, for once I don’t have to deal with that’

~ Spinner is kinda depressed that he’s lost his video game buddy.

~Toga who meanwhile is thrilled at being the ‘older sister’ for once.

~Twice was probably just as confused about Shigaraki being so small, but rolls with it.

~Yeah Kurogiri is getting absolutely nothing done all day. He might actually if he put the kids on those backpack leashes, but since he doesn’t have access to those he will have to forever put up with kids zipping to and fro around him and nearly tripping.

~Shigaraki being bottle fed and Dabi’s just like ‘I can do!’ cause he wants to help too. Kurogiri still hovers but Dabi does fine feeding the mentally younger.

[greenbirdtrash]

This is the first and the last photos of her.

Today Flea passed away.

I haven't cried like that in a long time, I'm still shaking and completely smeared in soil, and all the time I've been digging, I just couldn't stop crying, but how little I care about myself now.

We buried her in the same spot where all my birds are buried.

I want to howl like a wounded animal and throw something heavy at smeone, but I realize that somewhere in the back of my mind I've felt a timer ticking ever since she got sick. And this whole time, I've tried to ignore it. It's been an entire month of struggles and fighting. Daily shots, manual feeding, weight control, inhalations, lots of medication and sleepless nights, I saw the tiniest improvements in her condition, she finally started gaining weight and eating on her own recently, and i truly believed that she will recover. But there is a million things and hidden reasons that I will never know about, and I am not sure that I'm in the right headspace to request an autopsy only for a dry and unemotional text about the organs of what was the most precious, loved and intelligent animal just a few hours ago.

Maybe i wasn't a "picture perfect" rat owner, but I gave my girls everything to have a happy life, full of enrichment and treats.

And now I think I probably shouldn't have left the house today, but even if I had stayed and watched over her just a little more, what could i possibly do? Maybe if she felt it was her time, i couldn't do anything about it, no matter how hard i tried or what i did.

I don't even know for sure if it was because of the lung failure, or maybe she had some hidden developmental abnormalities or other disease we didn't know about. Maybe it was just too late and she was already living on a borrowed time only because of me. I don't know

All I know is that she somehow waited for me to get back home and passed away on my lap, being gently petted and talked to in the comfort of familiar scents and surroundings, and I really want to think that in her last moments she felt loved and didn't suffer much.

I wish my personal graveyard would never get bigger, but it's not like i could do anything about it.

I knew about how little rats actually live, how often they get sick and need expensive treatment, but I went for it anyway, and when I finally got my girls, it was the best year ever for me. Two little fluffballs took all my love and affection and gave their own in return, they managed to pull me out of the nastiest depression episodes so many times, giving me a reason to get up in the morning at all, they gave me countless amount of joy and wonder, and now....Her sister Fly is all alone. I don't know how much they actually understand, but somehow, even with their tiny little heads they have complex personalities and empathy, and when things went down, she slept on the wooden shelf next to the transportation box Flea was in, for a few days straight, instead of the cozy hammock. When they finally got reunited, she constantly licked the porphyrin off her eyes, groomed her fur when she was too weak for it, and this whole rat-to-rat communication i just cannot replace for her. I don't know what to do. I'm so exhausted.

Death is especially cruel for those who are able to process and understand the loss it brings, but it's natural and inevitable anyway.

I wish you the softest clouds over the rainbow, my little brave girl...I will never forget you.

28.02.24-14.04.25

[lesboygamzee]

@marcstell sniles #gamzstuck

they are off to a BAD START . tavros is horribly lonely and depressed and while gamzee really truly likes her and goes out of his way to be as nice to her as possible he simply does not understand why she responds negatively to him being awful in other ways ( ie how he treats people who arent her ) . tavros isnt really in the headspace for a committed relationship in general ( Not Her Fault ) and gamzee is A Lot and is dealing with his own shit ie several undiagnosed mental disorders he should probably be medicated for ( not his fault but definitely impacts how he interacts with people + The World )

as friends ( post breakup number 1 . theres several ) they are niceys if somewhat strained for reasons mentioned before . tavros feels less pressured to perform this elevated level of Romance and gamzee isnt being nearly as Weird . this is fine . but this is a gamtav centric au so

i feel like ideally their dynamic is like . they love eachother a lot . they kiss and fuck and all of that gay shit . but like theyre CHILL . they move in together somewhere small but niceys and theyre just fucking normal . tavros starts transitioning reunites with her sister so she has someone to talk to abt family shit . gamzee gets medicated also transitions because he hsd too much shit going on before then . gets really into cooking and starts eating better gains a little weight . tavros quits her shit job starts working from home because its easier on her and makes about the same amount of money and gamzee keeps doing his furry commissions but also his dad is probably dead by now #inheritance . they largelt just hang out and have friends over they arent dping all that crazy dramatic domestic fluff shit theyre chilling rhefuck out . im aromantic sorry . but they DO love eachother a lot they have a tendency to cling to eachother theyre always a little too close but thats ok . lots of physical affection or whatever the fuck

i dont really know how to expand on romantic dynamics that much but comparing their early relationship to their more niceys one in my mind palace is fun

[0asterous0]

Welcome <3

Right now you're on my pinned post, which will be my main sorting system on this account! Every Information or AU you will need that already exists on this acc will be here!!

Me and My Tags <3

My name is Aster or Iasoni, I'm 20 and I've been hanging aroung the MCYT community for a while. I'm new to the Tumblr though! I had this acc for a while, but I never knew, and to be honest, still don't know how to use it! I will be struggling in here a lot!

#asterous yaps - The tag where I will be talking about anything and everything! It will be random stuff that comes to mind, MCYT included!

#asterous writes - My little silly headspace where I throw all one-shots and AU ideas/fics! If it's just an idea, feel free to reply asking for the real thing, I might write it! (and you can always send your own requests and ideas in the ask!)

#asterous ask - The place where I will be answering your questions!! (PLEASE VISIT MY ASK)

My MCYT Works <3

Open Horizon [Trafficshipping!]

-- An interactive superhero AU, the first part of the series "The Greater Esempi"; Mumscarian-centric; Rating - Teen and Up, but it might change to Mature depending how dark the series grow;

TW// PTSD, Depression, Blood and violence, Death, Fantasy racism, Delirium and derealization: Unhealty relationships (Platonic) and coping mechanisms.

Love Ranch [Trafficshipping!]

-- A flower ranchers AU, where Jimmy and Tango think that there's a new ranch in town, and they are now in competition for the market, when actually the new "ranch" is therapy, run by Scott and Cleo.

This is based on Double Life, but this is an AU for a reason; a lot of stuff is different, and relationships are different. They still have drama and issues that might reference the actual series, but otherwise, it's just my creation.

I do writing commissions!

Hi! I'm officially opening commissions! :D If you've been around here, you probably are aware that I write for free when I get the ideas in my inbox/ask, but they are mostly around 1k words, so I decided to give it a try and give people a chance to commission me for much bigger stories.

I do:

Ship fics, Platonic fics, Gen fics. Different fandoms (Mainly MCYT, Voltron, Percy Jackson, and many others that I can't remember right now, but you can ask me in the inbox!) Both canon and alternative universe settings. I'm ready to develop the whole worldbuilding if needed. Slightly suggestive themes (everything either joked or implied). Dark themes like murder, torture, suicide, etc.

I don't do:

OC stories. I don't think I will be able to capture your characters well enough, without having enough content. Darker themes like pedophilia, incest, rape, etc. Smut.

The prices!

My regular price stands at 5€/$/£ for 2k words! If the commission is multi-chapter, then I'll take 5€/$/£ for each chapter! (The words might range from 2k to 5k.)

If your currency is different, we can talk about the prices in DMs while discussing the commission! (I myself came from a country where 5$ is too much for 2k words, so I will understand and try to accommodate!)

My Ko-Fi <3

(I also accept donations, in case you like my writing and you feel generous! I am in a very rough situation right now, which is the reason why I'm opening these commissions, so...)

-----

Additionally, if you require a writer, I CAN take that job, and we can discuss the payment later on. I can and will gladly help with games. Worldbuilding, script writing, I can help.

[phading]

Hi, it's me!

Okay, so there’s probably a lot you don’t know about me. So just in case you’re in the least bit interested:

I try very, very hard never to read incomplete fics. Purely selfish, and the result of reading far too many heart-grabbing stories that never got finished. If you need kudos or encouragement or anything else to continue, I’m here and over the moon excited to read anything you’d like to throw at me. Just let me know what you want in return - comments, critique, suggestions, hugs, encouragement, emojis, whatever ...

I posted one fic a chapter at a time, and I doubt I’ll ever do it again.

Characterization is everything.

If you’ve noticed an absence of Brains, Grandma, Lady P, Havoc, etc… in my fics it’s because I don’t give a twit. Perhaps one day I will evolve beyond this simplistic state.

I suck at prompts, challenges and deadlines. My muse is never in the right headspace at the right time.

I have a ridiculous need to keep it believable when really, the stuff that goes on in the show – no matter how much I adore it – is often somewhat miraculous.

It’s the future, people, I’m allowed to invent things.

In real life, I write kids’ books.

To the best of my knowledge, I’m the oldest member of the Thunderfam. Challenge me if you think you can claim the title.

The first thing of importance I ever wrote was a full length Star Trek Next Gen novel which I submitted to a few select New York publishers (oh, the innocence of youth) . Surprise, surprise, many of them actually read it and sent back comments written on famous restaurant napkins.

So, in light of all of the above, I’m once again doing my own thing. Inspired by the recent “10 opening lines from 10 recent fics” post I’m changing it up to “10 opening lines from 10 WIPs”.  I mean, seriously, I’m a newbie here and have far more WIPs than I do finished fics. So here’s what’s – pray to the anti-depression, anti-chronic pain gods  – coming up …

A WHOLE LOT OF SUPERFICIAL The uniform discarded in a heap on the floor outside the showers was expected – the purple neoprene wasn’t. (Virgil, Scott, shaping up to be humour)

THE LAST ZOO ON EARTH “Say again, John. I thought you said we have a situation at a zoo.” (All brothers, major rescue, major whump, pissed off Gordon)

THERE ARE NO CANNIBALS ANYMORE “Sir! I need you to calm down!” (Hurt Virgil, this one could go graphic in a hurry)

IT DOESN’T HURT Virgil glanced up from the piano keys, searching for inspiration but instead witnessing his fish brother's spectacular dive off the board – a dive that would leave his re-built back in shambles. (Fishtank, chronic pain)

TIGHT ROPE “I’m sorry, John, but if she’s dumb enough to try and pull off this ridiculous stunt, I see no reason why we should save her from her own stupidity.” (rescue gone sideways)

STARSTUCK Alan Tracy had been looking forward to this moment for a very long time. (Hurt Virgil, guilty Alan, Thunderbird 3 whump)

STELLAR “Hey, John, what’s this?” “It’s personal, that’s what it is!” (Guilty John, comatose Gordon, poetry, John has a secret)

CASPIAN John Tracy blinked open his eyes, breath catching when he discovered the most beautiful thing in his universe mere centimetres from his face. (John, OC-John’s lover, angst, Marks and Wings, John is not only a telepathic Ave but he’s bi!)

PSYCHOTIC MEDIUMS The probe entered Earth’s solar system broadcasting a symphony of alien sound that instantaneously drove the half-a-million or so humans who were listening insane. (Virgil centric, angst, sci-fi)

THE JOHN-CODE “Hey, Eos, you wanna help me test this new game?” (Alan, John, Eos, virtual games gone wrong.)

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

WAIT THE ROOM HCS WERE SO ACCURATE?! WE NEED MORE PLS 🙏

Oooh thank you! Like last time, i will be doing my next most popular creeps!

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homicidal Liu

His room is on the second floor, and is the fourth door to your right

His door has fake vines on it, just to give it some ~spice~

His bed is on the left side of his room, its queen sized and he makes it every morning

He has light green bedsheets, pillows with white pillowcases, and a brown comforter

His room is a mix of cottagecore and dark academia

He doesnt have a nightstand, so he puts everything on his desk

Laptop, tablet, hairspray, medications, etc

He has a very big bookcase, where he stores all of his books, trinkets and plants

He has a lot of plants btw

Total plant guy

He picked up taking care of plants after reading that surrounding yourself with life can help with depression, and after a while he just enjoyed having plants

He has a lot of succulents bc those are his favorite, but he also has a lot of flowers, most of which, are kept on his window sill

He also likes candles, so his room and clothes typically smells very good

He likes candles that smell clean

Like fresh linen, cotton, daisies, etc

This being said, he usually smells the best

He has a tv mounted on his wall in front of his bed, but he doesn't use it much because he usually spends his time reading

He also has a 3ds, which he usually carries with him for when he gets bored on missions

His favorite game to play is cooking mama

He has fairy lights strung across his ceiling, jeff makes fun of him for it but he refuses to take them down

He doesnt have many stuffed animals, as that could trigger a little to the front of the headspace, but he does have 2 or 3 teddy bears he keeps stashed in his closet just in case a little is pushed to front, and needs something for comfort

Speaking of his alters, he tries not to have many things in his room that triggers disassociation or switching

He tries to keep his room as "his space", and his alters have other places in the manor they can go to feel comfortable and happy

His room is very tidy, the occassional dirty dish sitting on his desk

Hoodie

His room is located on the third floor, and is the second door on the left

His door has a bunch of stickers on it, most are from the children of the manor, so he has a lot of dinosaurs and unicorns, but occasionally someone like BEN or clockwork will come along and slap a sticker on there

He enjoys the stickers, he thinks they give his room some character

His room is fairly plain, not many decorations as he doesn't spend much time in his room

His bed has plain white sheets and pillows, and a black comforter

He has a rug on his floor, it is just a basic black rug

He also has fairy lights

He has an acoustic guitar, and occassionally plays with Natalie

His desk has his meds, laptop, and iconic hoodie on it

His room probably smells like a mix of cologne and cigarettes

He doesnt really smoke himself, but when he's hanging out with Tim, Tim usually smokes

He has a small couch in his room, placed next to his bed with a few small pillows and a blanket on it

His tv is on the wall in front of his bed

He absolutely has those fake wisteria things on his ceiling above his bed

He has a minifridge next to his bed where he keeps mainly drinks

He also has a framed picture of him and masky sitting on top of the minifridge

He has a few pictures of his friends here and there, and also hangs up drawings the children make for him

He also has a doll on his desk, it is the doll he uses when he plays with sally

He is very protective of the children, as he wishes he could have his own someday, but knows that will likely never happen

His room is also pretty clean, the worst of it being a few dirty clothes here and there

Killian Lynch

His room is on the third floor, and is the fourth door on the left

He doesn't have any decorations on his door, just the bronze plate with his name on it

He has a queen sized bed, and it is a bit higher than most beds

His bed also has a canopy, the curtains being a deep purple

He has black pillows, purple sheets and a black comforter

His main light is a black chandelier, it is almost never on though

He has blackout curtains, allowing no light

He does, however, have LED lights that are almost always on the magenta setting

He has a candle obsession, but not scented candles, he's obbsessed with pillar candles and taper candles

He has so many taper candle holders and snuffers

More often than not, he has almost all of his candles lit

He also has a lot of books, but keeps them in a stack on the floor of his room

I feel like hed also enjoy the fake vines

He has them all over his walls

His room probably smells like incense, as well as his clothes

His desk is probably the best organized in the entire house

He has so many things on his desk, but because he keeps it so organized, it doesn't look like much

I can see him being an enjoyer of literature, often writing in notebooks he finds about his theories about different books he's read

His room is spotless almost all the time

Julius the dressmaker

His room in on the third floor, and is the fourth door to your right

His door is very decorated, having a wide array of colors, paintings he's painted over, pictures, scraps of fabric, etc

The second you walk in his door, you are hit in the face with all of the things he keeps in his room

I definitely see him as being a maximalist

His room is cluttered and messy, you can barely even see his bed over it all

His bed, isnt even really a bed either

He keeps his spare fabrics, threads, etc on his bed

Definetly not as bad as Jeff's room, but yk

I feel like he would have a lot of leopard print

His walls would also be very much covered in wallpaper, posters, fabrics, sketches for things he wants to sew, etc

His room probably smells like fruity perfume

Def not clean but at least it's not as bad as Jeff's

Jane the killer

Her room is on the third floor on the first door to your right

Her door has been painted a dark purple

Her room is very gothic

Her bed sits on the wall right in front of her door, and like Killian, she has a slightly higher up bed, with a canopy

Her curtains, however, are very sheer, and they are black

Her entire bed spread is black as well

Her walls have been painted purple

She almost always has a speaker playing music, it really sets the vibe for her room

She is also obsessed with pillar candles, and always has them lit

She has blackout curtains so that the sunlight doesn't ruin the vibe

Instead of using her closet, she has a very victorian-esque wardorbe

Her closet is instead used for the things she collects, such as original victorian clothing, artwork, etc

Speaking of artwork, she has a lot of victorian artwork on her walls

Most are just reprints as she obviously can't afford the real things

Her room is very clean, and always smells like her perfume

She has two nightstands on either side of her bed and she keeps her prosthetic, meds, phone, etc on them

She also has 2 pet rats

They are both boys, and she's named them Lucifer and Aristole

She treats those rats so well they are her sons <33

Jason the Toymaker

Jason has no need to sleep, being a ghostly entity of unkown sorts

So instead, he's transformed his room into his workshop

He is located in the attic, along with Lj and Candypop

The attic has been separated into 4 main rooms

A room for Lj, a room for Candypop, a room for Jason, and a bathroom they all share

So when you walk into Jason's room, it appears as if no one has ever lived there

The entire place is covered in dust, and smells of old lady perfume

The entire room is surrounded by huge shelves, where hundreds of dolls sit

In the middle of the room, is Jason's sewing machine and a basket where he keeps all of his materials

There is a small wardrobe with a built in mirror where Jason keeps things such as his clothes, his perfume, his makeup, etc

And the only light source is an old window with old blinds, that looks as if they could fall apart any minute

Despite the downright gloomy vibe to the place, Jason thrives in this environment

Surrounded by his dolls and with nothing but his sewing machine to distract him, he finds he gets some of his best work done here!

He also has some doodles the children have made pinned to his wardrobe, each doodle detailing different outfits they want made for their games of dressup

And who better he to make such outfits?

[superpsychedelicdbd]

(Paragraphs below are copied from the author's notes)

Hey! Coping-hard-edelic here! So uh… this chapter is really, really dark and depressing, so if you're in not in a good headspace (and I imagine most people aren't right now), please don't feel obligated to read it. This chapter has multiple explicit scenes and something else at the end that could be highly triggering. I did my best to bracket those sections with warnings-- one ⚠ for the start of it and two ⚠⚠ for the end of the section if you want to skip them. If you want a full disclosure of the warnings with spoilers, you can find that in the end notes.

Alright, so... after what happened with the election, my mental health is kinda trash right now. Oddly enough, it doesn't really keep me from writing shit like this, but it does make it a good deal harder. I've been kind of wanting to take a bit of a break from this story anyways since I've been working on it for almost two straight years, so I think now is probably a good time to do that. The holidays are kind of a trash time to post anyways, so I'd estimate sometime in January is when I'll update this again. That DOESN'T mean I'm going to stop writing though. I'll probably still end up inevitably working on this story a bit since I can't stay away from it, but I've also had a few ideas bouncing around inside my head for a while now. One of those involves David and a kitten, and I KNOW how much we could all use a bit of fluff in our lives right now, so be on the look out for that! 🐱

In the mean time, I'll be getting my ducks in a row and basking in the schadenfreude that is r/leopardsatemyface and I hope you'll join me there! It certainly made me feel a hell of a lot better about all this! Thanks once again to everyone for reading and sticking with me. Stay strong, carry on, and I'll see you again soon!

[retellingthehobbit]

I went to read your comic on Ao3 and I noticed you'd started back in 2020. Aside from your clear and beautiful art progression, what can you tell me about the timeline of your comic?

Thank you! And yes, started this webcomic in January of 2020. “I sure hope nothing bad happens in 2020 that will hamper my ability to focus on a large personal project!” — me in January 2020 with all the naivety of youth. Top ten images taken minutes before disaster. This comic is like a deeply personal diary of my mental state, complete with the long empty hiatuses that are sort of like that part of Twilight where months of depression are represented by blank pages.

One of my favorite things about webcomics is how you can often see an artist’s style grow organically over time. I think it’s something that’s getting lost in the age of “Webtoon Originals,” where people are starting to expect webcomics to be produced by an actual production studio with a team of artists behind them and to maintain a consistent highly curated art style throughout. These professionally funded comics are fun, but they do lose the messy personal organic growth that used to separate webcomics from traditional print comics? But i could go on a whole tirade about webtoon haha 😂 !

The Hobbit is partially a story about someone learning how to express themselves. Bilbo starts the story as this stuffy little guy who is repressing a lot his own personality; he ends the story as a skilled artist writing elaborate prosy poetry about his adventures. I deliberately chose to start drawing the comic before I went to college, knowing my art style would change a lot of over that period!

Anyway here's the timeline as I remember it: Pre-development: I was working on sketches of the comic itself as early as 2016. Chapter 1 (A Bedtime Story/Tooks and Bagginses): (Posted on Tumblr in January 2020, on Ao3 later): Published shortly before I went to college. I was drawing in Paint Tool Sai, and hand-writing all the words instead of using a font. I set out to adapt at least the Unexpected Party chapter, but thought I'd probably adapt the entire novel within a year or two. ("It's a webcomic Michael. How long could it take? twelve months?") Chapter 2: (A Very Respectable Hobbit): Posted like a week after Chapter 1. This was when I still thought I could post a ten page chapter every week, haahahahahahahahahaha Fs in the chat.

HIATUS #1: DANCE BREAK: TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC. The exact timeline of 2020 is a blur for obvious reasons, but I do remember the updates became very sporadic over this period. Chapter 3-5 (Very Old Friends and An Unexpected Party chapters): there’s a global pandemic. During Spring Break my college abruptly kicks us all off campus and sends us home. I keep looking at the “post dates” on these chapters like what??? Really? I posted that at thAt time? But there was a global pandemic happening and I was so busy and overwhelmed with college???? When did I have the time? I have no memory of drawing these. My memories of all 2020 are so blurry. I think these chapters just manifested spontaneously.

The weekly/biweekly update schedule has been tossed to the wind, never to return. Alas. Chapter 6 (An Enormously Important Dwarf, aka Thorin’s intro): I was back “at college” during our “hybrid” year, so in practice I was extremely isolated. this was posted during a year after the first chapter, in 2021. I would never have found the motivation to continue if I wasn't so excited to draw Thorin! I also joined a "comic club" at my college which was comprised mainly of awkward video calls with like three people. On a weirder note, this chapter was posted a few weeks after the January 6th attempted coup. I was drawing in a a weird headspace.

DANCE BREAK #2: IT’S TIME FOR A YEAR LONG HIATUS:

I've started to often dislike the word “burnout” when it’s applied to art. It implies that the problem is that you were drawing too much or that you can’t find inspiration, when often the problem is much bigger than your art-- it's wider economic anxieties and social circumstances outside your control. It is very hard to think clearly and create things when you are worried about your future, about work, about housing, about a global pandemic, about constant demands on your time, and about being extremely isolated. In hindsight, I wasn’t “burned out”— I was in a situation where I could not think clearly or produce anything. Chapter 7 (The Lonely Mountain): posted a full year after chapter 6. For a while I considered having this be the “last chapter” of the comic!

Changing art styles was a thing I was really motivated to do, and was my last “bucket list” item for the comic.

HIATUS #3: I get really busy with junior year of college! I grow more and more disillusioned with Tolkien as I learn more about The Hobbit Law crushing labor unions and worker's rights in New Zealand, and how Amazon takes advantage of that. The Tolkien Estate also releases a statement saying they disapprove of any unauthorized use of Tolkien's works for profit or not, which isn't really legally enforceable but is also just an act of pure contempt XD. Chapter 8 (A Tangled Web): I get sent to the emergency room in an ambulance for Reasons and begin drawing this in the weeks after, as I realize I don't care about the Tolkien Estate or Amazon or Warner Brothers or whatever hollow marketable products they produce under the tolkien brand. I think this is the weakest chapter of the comic, both in writing and art, and in hindisght think the comic works better without it pacing-wise. However!!!! I was drawing it in a weird mental state, so. XD

Also, at this point I am drawing entirely in Photoshop. Chapter 9 (Ash and Smoke): Back at college for senior year— time for dragon! The comic starts updating with something that resembles a "regular schedule!" this year had more and more people on campus in person, and I started to slowly make college friends :). Also, at this point I am the President of the comic club, and we are now meeting in person and rebuilding our comic empire. Chapter 10 (The Heart of the Mountain): Some funky bits of writing I'd like to revise at some point, but I enjoy the art in this chapter. Chapter 11 (Polite Nothings): If I were to do this all again I'd shorten this chapter and combine it with chapter 12. One important note is that originally, I tried to keep all chapters under ten pages. This made it easier to post them to Instagram and Tumblr, because tumblr still had a “ten image limit” at the time. However at some point I realized that was more trouble than it was worth, and really made the pacing difficult/slow as I struggled to split the story into ten page chunks.

A lot of webcomics often fall into what I call a “wheel-spinning” phase, where the author is so focused on finishing smaller updates that they lose the pacing of the larger narrative—- and so the story stalls out. I feel like I dealt with a lot of “wheel-spinning” while I was at college, both in my life and in my comic XD. Chapter 12 (The Quest): My internship company gives me an offer to work full-time, which I accept. in the last semester of my last year of college, I take the most helpful elective class I have ever taken: a class on using 3D models in blender to aid with blocking out illustrations. This is the first chapter where you see one of those backgrounds! From this point on my background art will improve dramatically. I also have lots of internet friends and college friends!

As I grow more confident in my art I also make the decision to change the character designs, something I’d wanted to do for a while. Chapter 13 (The Necromancer): I graduate college! It's time for some Lotte Reiniger art. I stay in my student housing until my lease ends. The art starts to grow more elaborate as I have more time to spend on it. Chapter 14 (Terms and Conditions): my summer is free, so I spend it drawing gay little hobbits. I move up North to live with my grandmother until my work start date. This is the very last “normal-sized” chapter of the comic, where I hold myself to keeping it under 10 pages. I also think this is where my new more elaborate character designs actually start to look a lot better XD.

I was finishing up apartment-hunting at this time, so both Bilbo and I were goin over contract terms. Chapter 15 (Unattached): summer free time!! More gay little hobbits. I move into my New apartment and sleep on an air mattress for a while. I have a lot of time to draw and the art gets far more complex; this chapter was also twice as long as my usual chapters. I am still proud of this chapter, honestly, even though it's gotten less attention than Chapter 16/17-- it's one I'd been excited to draw for a while. A lot of this chapter was drawn on my beautiful powerful beloved air mattress. Air mattress, my beloved. Chapter 16 (the Song of the Lonely Mountain): I start my new job! I get a BED. Lots of exciting things are happening. I was really excited to draw and post this chapter, because it’s one id been dreaming about drawing from the beginning-- it was surreal to see it "posted" because part of me never thought I'd get this far. I even started a tiktok and posted the chapter there, certain that people would enjoy it. However, tiktok basically ignored it, alas! This is why tumblr is the only social media site. Chapter 17: I continue my new job. My roommate surprises me with the news that they will move out at the end of our lease, making me realize that months have somehow passed. I make a post asking for anyone looking for roommates in Milwaukee to contact me via dms (that offer is still open, if you’re looking to move here in early June.) I privately am very confused about why anyone would ever want to leave a comfortable settled home to go off on an adventure and then realize that I am behaving exactly like pre-quest Bilbo Baggins.

Chapter 18: the chapter I am working on now!!! Another chapter I have been excited to draw forever!! It’ll feature studio-Ghibli-inspired backgrounds, exciting landscape art, and so much fun! I’ve also started a Patreon where, if you want to see “one page a week” instead of “twenty pages every Mystery number of Months” you can subscribe there. (The first page of Chapter 18 has already been posted!)

But yeah! The TL:DR:

I think the moral of all this (to me) is that it’s hard to make art if you’re just not in a position to do it, and you have to allow yourself time to grow and change as a person XD. Sometimes you need to spend a few years thinking and getting better before you're ready to go on an Adventure. I started this comic when I was very Young and Naive to the Ways of the World. The quality (and dips in quality) reflect my wildly fluctuating mental/emotional states while trying to draw each chapter in the midst of a global pandemic. My art has improved a lot lately, and I think a large part of it is really just being in a situation where I *can* improve— having a decent job, not being in the middle of a global pandemic with no vaccine in sight, not needing to live in constant fever-pitch anxiety, having friends, etc etc. I am completely different person now than I was while drawing chapter 1.

Not to be dramatic, but I think you can see there’s a lot more joy in the recent chapters than there is in some of the older ones. It's weird to look at your art and realize you've gotten happier. XD