#a week of discovery
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this week i stfg
#a week of discovery#far less secure in my gender than i thought#high chance I've got some sort of nerve damage that makes me unable to feel anything good#and will alienate me further#apparently i'm still holding onto trauma from 7 years ago that's making it so fucking hard to go to my work christmas party alone#but my +1 pulled out so it's alone or not at all#it turns out that my closest friend doesn't view me even remotely as closely as i view them#which is fair and exactly what i expected why would they view me as their best friend#but gutting to find out the way i did#i feel nauseous thinking about it#now i don't think i can interpret them including me in things as anything beyond a guilty or obligation invite#my presence really must be so burdensome#maybe i should turn back to my terminal burrowing shtick#it's contained#oh and the cto at work has way too much confidence in me#and is gunning to give me a job i do not have the skills for#but can't rightfully say no to#and now i've woken up with a migraine#and my skin is screaming#i think im gonna be more alone that before#it was already unbearable
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you have 90 minutes to complete.
@lokiusweek 2025 - Day 6/Extra Prompts: What Might Have Been (in/sp)
#lokiusweek2025#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#mobius#loki#even tore myself to bits with this one????????? who doesn't love still waking up in pain over them on a daily basis 🫠#just realized the extra prompts needed some love then -#somehow even more angst happened i swear i'll aim for something fun tomorrow to close out the week y'all 😭😭#but once again idc their story is left completely open ended to come to terms with guilt they don't need to carry alone anymore#and the time for self discovery will only make the reunion that much sweeter :')))#if anything is true it's them ALWAYS finding a way back#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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Are you a sea otter at heart? 🌟
Dive into our fun personality quiz and find your aquatic alter ego! Take the quiz
#monterey bay aquarium#sea otter awareness week#find your otter ego#time for some shellf discovery#this quiz is otterly scientific
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Vampire Appreciation Week: Day 2 - Favorite vampire/vampire dynamic OR favorite vampire/non-vampire dynamic
Matthew Clairmont & Diana Bishop
#vamp appreciation week 2024#Matthew Clairmont x Diana Bishop#Matthew x Diana#Matthew Clairmont#Diana Bishop#A Discovery of Witches#All Souls Trilogy#vampireedit#vampiresedit#Teresa Palmer#Matthew Goode#matthewgoodeedit#teresapalmeredit#adowedit#adiscoveryofwitchesedit#my edits
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Say it like you mean it
#💟#Digital art#Full Art#Art#Edgar#Scriabin#Guess what day it is ♥ That's riiiight! It's my own personal Vargasversary here again! :D#I really got it in under the wire with this one lol but I did it! I did do it! 13 whole digital start-to-finish panels.....woaw......#Definitely the biggest of these anniversary projects thus far hehe <3 But I really wanted to see if I could do it and I did it! I'm happy :D#Inspired by many on this one ahh - the obvious being they ♥ As ever I still hold them so dearly love them so much <3#The second inspiration source is probably also obvious lol but I've been using a newer-to-me technique to sketch to try and speed up drawing#Specifically inspired from watching Zarla's Handplates speeddraw videos! I'm still a little shaky with it haha#I fell back into my old habits more than once :P But now I understand what over-rendering a sketch means lol - knowledge!#And all-told I think this is probably the longest digital comic I've made in uhhhhhh - at least years#I don't wanna say ever because it still is only 13 panels and two of those share a frame haha but like! That's still a lot for me these days#So I'm pleased for being able to make it in short order! It was fun! I had a good time with it! :D And I think it turned out nice!!#And then the last inspiration source this time around was smol hehe ♪ Despite us both being grown I still tuck her in#It's just something neither of us grew out of haha - it's nice! Another point in us being very Sans and Papyrus lol#But I wanted to give it to the Vargases this time because - eee - smol's turning the age I was when I first read Vargas this year#Obviously my family knows about Vargas as I Will Not Shut Up About It lol but I'm still the only one to have read it#Partially because of how intense and scary it can be! As much as I love it I recognize it's not for everyone - as much as I wish it was haha#But smol and I have pretty similar tastes when it comes to media - so I'm finally inviting her to read it with me ♪ Ahh ♫#Getting to share one of my very favourite stories with one of my very favourite people is exciting just to think about!!#And also getting to reread Vargas again hhhhhh I'm feeling Fine and Normal about approaching it again hahahh#Definitely haven't been thinking about and wanting to reread it A Lot Constantly lol#So drawing them again was nice <3 And the new* medium made certain details stand out all the more!#The process of discovery of art as it appears on the screen haha - Scriabin's hand reaching for Edgar only to clench upon his rejection ahh#That last one is also something of a stealth redraw of Scriabin listening to Edgar's heart in mainfic that I made - somehow four years ago??#Nearly five now....more than half of the way back from my having read it the first time ah how'd it get to be so long now...#Every year - every month - every week - every day - every hour - it is Vargas Loving Hours ♥
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my ideal morning:









#brought to you by#blåhaj#moodboard#summer#i love them#happy shark week#shark week#shark week 2024#shark week on discovery#pinterest
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chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post
This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.
Frank's Cock (1993)
Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.
Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)
Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:
Double Happiness (1994)
You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.
Curtis's Charm (1995)
Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.
However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.
Hard Core Logo (1996)
I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.
This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.
Related recs:
A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.
You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.
(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.
Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.
McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.
Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)
Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:
McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.
And:
A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."
There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.
And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.
Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.
Letters From Home (1996)
Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.
For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)
Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.
Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.
Last Night (1998)
These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.
Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.
Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.
Twitch City (1998 – 2000)
Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).
If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.
Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)
I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).
I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.
The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3
Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.
Wilby Wonderful (2004)
Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.
Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.
Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.
By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.
Supernatural (2005)
I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.
I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.
On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.
Californication (2008 – 2013)
I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).
The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)
Shattered (2010 – 2011)
I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).
Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!
Star trek: Discovery (2024)
Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)
What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.
He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.
I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.
Closing thoughts
I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!
#remember how it was ckr's birthday a week ago? well#c6d#callum keith rennie#hard core logo#last night#fic rec#twitch city#battlestar galactica#wilby wonderful#star trek discovery#californication#supernatural#shattered#frank's cock#letters from home#for those who hunt the wounded down#double happiness#curtis's charm#x-files#lmao some of these tags are really excessive
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I'd like to take this opportunity to recognize and celebrate my followers who are represented by Lesbian Visibility Week. Thank you for sharing your authentic selves with us. I am so grateful for your presence here. I support you always! You are valid, you are seen, you are loved.
#star trek#star trek the next generation#star trek ds9#star trek voyager#star trek tos#st snw#star trek discovery#lesbian#lgbt pride#idic#lesbian visibility week
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life update o_0
#i start therapy in less than a month !! long time coming my anxiety has gotten badddddd....#like to the point im not able to walk the dog because she senses my anxiety and becomes reactive lol...#but. one step at a time. ive gone for a walk (alone) every day this week!#also. seen some dangender stuff and made me think about my life and gender#you know when youre 12 and you dont want to admit youre gay so youre like im just a reallllyyyyy strong ally#sometimes im like damn. you are really passionate about trans rights. but i dont have time for that. i have a 9 to5#i dont think im nb/transmasc but yeah. i do not really align with 'woman'. my gender is lesbian#but even then like i dont want a label and i dont need any labels or self discovery. i also dont even care about my pronouns#but yeah. ... lesbian. all this to say trans people i love you.#oh also my dog has made the best recovery the vet has ever seen for knee surgery. so shes kind of the best girl in the world#if youve made it this far into the tags you get to know a fun fact. um... im wearing gummy bear earrings
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HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT FRAGGING YOUR SUPERIORS????????? YOU SHOULD!!!!!!!!! DONT TELL YOUR SUPERIORS I SAID THIS THEY ACTIVELY FUND MY UNGRATEFUL CELL!!!!!!!!!! YOU SHOULD STILL FRAG THEM THOUGH!!!!!!!!! IN MINECRAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMELL YA LATER ALLIGATOR NOT !!!!! BASTARD !!
[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]
XIII▸ wh
XIII▸ who are you? I don't have access to frag weapons to begin with I-
XIII▸ wait what's minecraft???
//
#XIII▸ I have been confused a great many times in the past few weeks but this is. bafflement. new heights. every day a new discovery#echo.exe#lancer rp
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out of context scene i pulled out of my ass bc i wanted to make myself suffer more 4 some reason. their looks are based on a timeskip i made up in my head, here's them 2~3 years later if u care. don't ask me anything bc i don't know ok...... (they still haven't gone on a date)
#fanart#paolo rocca#knox greenburg#paolox#the sims 4#the sims 4 townies#ts4 townies#spoilers : theyre becoming boyfies at this instant.#i just had to make them fight first and make them go thru self introspection and discovery#their stubbornness to remain in a bromance dynamic made them lose it lol#<- neither can communicate complex feelings to the other#CRYBABY PAOLO W UNUSUALLY PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE KNOX OUUUGH U______U;;;;; <- does that mean anything. headache + exhaustion + bad english#it's about sims 4. its that serious#okie =_______= back to work week ill see these gays later#thats so self indulgent but if i dont do it im gonna run over someone at work with a forklift lol
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reminding myself on this busy morning that i also have dreams of taking piano lessons & singing lessons & also honing my writing skills & absorbing as many books as i used to when i was a kid & at the very least taking up cute tennis dates & dabbling into art & just becoming an artistic generalist. also reminding myself that there are pre-meds out there who managed to pursue something they’re passionate in (some are even professional athletes) & still excelled in medicine & if they can do it so can I
#Delusional? Maybe a little bit but this is what i wanna do w my life and I don’t wanna choose one or the other#If I drop science/medicine I feel empty#If I don’t have my creative outlets I feel empty#My existence is a symbiotic meeting of these two facets#It’s possible bc other ppl have done it but I just need to achieve godly levels of time budgeting and drive basically#I was raised on the belief that if you want something badly enough you’ll make it happen!! So that is what I’m going 2 do#I mean when I make it to residency the 80 hr work weeks probably won’t allow for much lol BUT#I don’t like the popular opinion that med school doesn’t allow time for anything else.#So many med students have said that u have plenty of time & that it will be a period of self discovery exploration etc#Idk we’ll see. But!! I intend on making this work.#p
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The pain of manically planning out a new, juicy college!Matt turned ddba!Matt fic idea for the past week and then remembering I have a billion WIPs on here that I should probably finish before starting a new, big project will never not be devastating.
#i blame all the new daredevil: born again clips and my recent discovery of ‘scandal’#oh the woes of being a writer#another notebook bought and scribbled into with thoughts that won’t make sense in a week#lizzi talks#matt murdock#daredevil#matt murdock x reader
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It is insane to me that this show wants us to believe that everyone just left Faith to rot in that motel room until the Mayor stepped in to give her a place. A) That reflects really badly on both Giles and Wesley that neither of thought to arrange for better accommodations for Faith when watching out for the Slayer is their entire job. And B) what actually would have happened is on the first night when Buffy invited Faith over to dinner, Joyce would have asked Faith where she was staying while she was in town. Faith would have told her the motel and of course, Joyce would have none of that and insist that Faith stay with them. And Faith, poor affection starved child that she is, would have ended up attaching herself to Joyce like a limpet.
#btvs#joyce summers#faith lehane#and let me tell you Buffy would *not* like that#but Joyce would just be like deal with it you have a sister now#but what I really want from this is for it to lead to Joyce questioning the whole Watcher system#leading to the discovery that Watchers get paid and slayers don’t#and Joyce to be like not on my fucking watch#Buffy & Faith are on the payroll within a week#they even get dental!
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"somebody's watching me, it's my anxiety"
but it's 02! Benji noticing that his new girlfriend doesn't look at him like a new girlfriend would, he's not stupid, he had partners before,he knows how new partners look at each other,hell, he looks at her like that, shyly, they'd get flustered when they look eyes ,twirl their hair, maybe giggle , it's what he calls "honeymoon gaze" full of curiosity because they're experiencing something new all over again .
no, she doesn't look at him like that.
she looks at him like he's familiar already,like ahe knows everything about him,like she had him already, she looks at him with an expression that he can't find another term for but loss or grief,he doesn't admire him,she watches him,gaze locked on him, but not at him at something else,at someone else...
it un-nerves him, makes him shiver,he always feels it,her intense gaze, looking like she's reminiscing about him, but all he knows of her is the few times he glanced her over, tuning her out in the collage halls.
he never asked her about it, because how the hell would he? how would he tell her that? so he just hopes that it'll go away one day,that her familiar gaze will be mutual, returned from him when he knows her (as much as she seems to do)
what he doesn't know is, he'll get to see his girlfriend looking at him with curiosity years later, where he'll be the one looking at her like he knows her, because he does, and she doesn't, and only then, after everything,only then he'll understand why she looked at him like that,and he'll understand why she couldn't explain it? why she didn't back then, because honestly, it was hard for him to do too, and with her losing him,yeah, maybe it's best not to tell past him,after all, he didn't want her crying grieving him on his own shoulder.
#I watched C7 on still hot off the escaped audio discovery so i didn't get to savor it properly#i am just re-thinking it over#i will be rewatching by the end of the week (exams suck)#so yeah C7 content on the way baby#escaped audios
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The bliss of waking up on a fine Saturday morning only to realise a few seconds later that it is, in fact, barely Thursday
#the disappointment could've fuelled a time machine to beam me into the weekend#at least i've got most of next week off#meaning i can finally get on some flat redecorations and stuff#and sleep#and maybe even read some books. a couple of pages each night dramatically increase my sleep quality#which is technically not a new discovery#but i'm surprised each time nonetheless
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