#actually I’ve been robbie minded recently..

[foolsocracy]

who’re you looking at bud

[asxgard]

Companionship | pt. 11

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader

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Summary: A first date and a whole lot of sexual tension.

[ Series Masterlist ]

Note: Y’all really know how to make a girl feel special!! Thank you for all the likes, comments and reblogs!! You guys have been real troopers through the whole slowburn portion!! Now we move on to (mostly) better things for these lovebirds😌

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: age gap, jitters, anxiety, mild angst (it’s literally just who I am at this point lol), mild fluff, alcohol, talk of Adamson

not beta read

A complex flurry of emotions whirled around in his chest, thoughts exchanging between this is good and this is very bad. One wrong move and he could destroy it all, or he could actually make something real out of it.

It was equally thrilling and terrifying.

He remembered Dana’s eyes on his back as he left on time, skipping out right after giving report to Abbot, after avoiding her questions for over an hour. The curious eyebrow raise from Langdon as McKay had whispered something to him, or the way Princess hovered while you were still present. The way Jack so clearly looked like he wanted to say something, no doubt hearing something in passing from Dana, or the rumor mill buzzing through the hall.

They only got more obvious as the weekend got closer.

“You’ve been leaving consistently on-time recently, boss. Even Abbot noticed.” Dana said with a quirked brow and a knowing smile, “Have anything to do with that pretty girl in here earlier this week?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lied smoothly, “What girl?”

Dana laughed. “The one you rolled right over McKay to help a few weeks ago? A simple stitch job and you took it. Must be special. Even got her back right away to get them taken out.”

Michael hummed, already knowing that Dana was likely seeing right through him. “Wasn’t Gloria just down here explaining satisfaction scores? You know, making sure each patient is seen and heard.”

“With just her?”

He tried to temper the blush, “Was it? Can’t remember everyone I’ve helped.” He glanced from his computer screen to the opening ambulance doors. “Oh, look at that. Gotta go!”

“Saved by the bell!” Dana called after him.

Langdon approached him later, bouncing on the balls of his feet, hands in his pockets. They had just stabilized a patient and were waiting for Garcia to come and consult.

Langdon blew out a puff of air, “So that woman was totally checking you out the other day.”

Barely sparing him a glance, Michael removed his gloves, “That so?”

“Totally!” Langdon told him eagerly, before flickering his eyes across his face, “There was something there.”

Michael hummed indifferently.

McKay piped up from the side, “Called her a VIP, if I remember right.”

It was hard to miss the way Perlah and Princess exchanged a glance.

“Come get me when Garcia gets here.” He said, departing from the trauma room looking for something to busy his hands — or just keep everyone from asking any more questions. The gossip was never likely to stop, but he hated being the center of it.

It seemed like things never stayed quiet long, since Dana found him sometime later, crossing her arms across her chest.

“VIP, huh?”

Michael let out a long sigh, glancing at the clock and hoping his shift would end already.

—

Michael asked to pick you up, and you accepted easily, pacing around your apartment in heels and the dress you had borrowed from Erin. You half wished you had been able to drive yourself, distract your mind with music or some random radio show, and the lull of Pittsburgh traffic.

He arrived a few minutes early, and knocked on your door, and your heart lurched into your throat. It took a few beats of your heart to steady yourself. It was only Michael.

But now feelings are known and there is no more hiding.

Perhaps that was a good thing.

When you opened the door, he was standing there with a bashful smile and flowers. Lavender, purple hyacinth, and baby’s-breath with green foliage holding it all together. You momentarily forgot to breathe, looking from the flowers in his hands then to his face, face lax with dumb disbelief — a thousand words swirling in your mind immediately going silent.

“You got me flowers.” You said, more so from shock rather than a statement of fact.

“I got you flowers.” He said, trying to gauge your reaction. “I wanted this to be proper, but I haven’t been on a date in forever—”

“They’re beautiful.” You breathed out, ignoring the storm in your chest. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”

Surprise crossed his face momentarily. “That’s a shame. You definitely deserve them.”

A warmth rose to your cheeks, before moving to the side, “Come in. I’ll get a vase.”

Do I own a vase?

He stepped into the apartment, handing the flowers over, watching as the smile lit up your features. You inhaled the scent of them, closing your eyes to savor it. They smelled sweet, with the calming aroma from the lavender, and you sighed in contentment.

“You look beautiful.”

You stopped, looking at him, ignoring the way your ears grew hot, “Thank you. You look—”

Grey chinos with a light tan cardigan buttoned over a white shirt. His long, dark grey woolen coat was left unbuttoned, looking effortlessly in the area between elegant and casual. A carefree sophistication that even in Erin’s expensive dress you felt out of place. His beard was trimmed neatly, hair combed carefully, with a smile that clouded your thoughts.

“—really good.”

He blushed.

You moved into the kitchen while Michael stayed in the tiny foyer, hands in his pockets. You grabbed a pitcher to fill with water, unable to quickly find a vase. The water pitcher would do.

On the drive, you had such an urge to grab his hand. The sight of him with one hand on the wheel, the other loosely hanging off the bottom of it, a relaxation seeping from his posture, made your mind lurch into overdrive. You felt rigid beside him, thinking of a hundred thousand things, overthinking anything you could say — should say — that would have been commonplace for any normal first date.

But you already knew those things.

The silence was riddled with tension, thick and unchecked. The way his fingers flexed on the steering wheel, or lingered when he turned the volume up or down, eyes not-so-subtly looking over at you periodically. Each time it felt like he was stoking a fire low in your belly.

He opened his mouth to trade small talk until you arrived at the restaurant, and the low timbre of his voice cooled the anxiety in your chest and fanned the flames in your abdomen. You felt far too hot in your coat, buzzing with anticipation, with nerves, with wanting.

Peregrin was an elevated, classic, modernized eatery, that felt mildly out of place on the street corner — decorated in fairy lights, hues of blue and grey, and sharp, deliberate angles. It had overpriced appetizers and an overhyped atmosphere, but everything you had heard about the food had been good things.

Your table was ready when you walked in, a few minutes early for your reservation, and you absorbed the interior quickly. Refurbished dark wood floors, light cream walls, a brick wall accented on the far wall, copper fixtures and large windows overlooking the Allegheny River.

The waitress eyed you when she arrived to take the drink order, but was discreet in her assessment. The feeling of being criticized hit you like a freight-train. Once upon a time, you would have thought the same, questioned the girl's sanity or the man's intentions — but now you sat knowing both. As big of an age gap as it was should have given you more pause than it did, but you had already danced around the edge of it long enough. You had run far enough, and you were tired of allowing your own feelings coming second place to those around you.

You tuned it all out. You had to. You had to.

You smiled at him, “I’ve been looking forward to this.”

Relief flooded his face, looking back at you. “I have too.”

You both knew you were not talking about the food.

“I hope work was not too chaotic this week?” You ventured, opening the menu.

He chuckled lightly, “Everyone’s been pestering me about the mysterious girl all week.”

Your face warmed, “Oh no, I didn’t cause too much of a stir, did I?”

“I think I created it myself,” he said, pulling out his glasses, “wasn’t exactly as subtle as I would have liked to be when you came in.”

You paused long enough, staring at him, for Michael to look up over his frames at you. Warmth pooled lower and you took a sip of your ice water to try to snuff it.

“Wasn’t my intention.” You said tightly, “Didn’t know that was the hospital you worked at.”

“I’m glad you did.” His lips dipped momentarily. “Not that you got hurt, but—”

“Yeah, me too.” You offered a smile, bringing your wild thoughts to heel.

He smiled, looking back at the menu, “How’re your classes going?”

“Good, actually. Still busy trying to stay on top of everything, but it’s good.”

He rubbed his hand along his beard, the light catching several of the greys, “You know, I’d like to say something…about that…without being too forward.”

You raised a careful eyebrow, your lungs stalling.

“I…still want to help you.” Michael said, brown eyes watching you intently before caving and looking back to the menu. “With school, your bills.”

“Michael—”

“I know, I know.” He said quickly, “No ulterior motives. You wouldn’t owe me anything. Just because I want to. Because I have more than the means to do so.”

You hoped the dim lighting did not give away the way you flustered. “That’s—I don’t think—I can’t accept that. It’s…not right. I don’t want to use you.”

“You wouldn’t be.” He assured, one side of his lips quirking up. “I’m offering.”

You frowned, “It just reminds me of what you said; that I wouldn’t be here unless you were paying me. I—that’s not what I want you to think. That’s not how I want to feel.”

Michael’s tiny smile disappeared, and he just stared at you, gears clearly turning over in his head. He opened his mouth, but the waitress returned to take your order, interrupting him. Scribbling down on her notepad completely unaware — or just unfazed — by the tension now collecting at the table.

When she departed, you were both silent.

You chewed your lip and avoided his eyes.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” He finally said, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. “I don’t feel that way about it. I know you would be here without it.”

“Are you sure? I feel like money will just complicate this again.” You met his gaze. “I don’t want to burden this with money, or insecurities, while we’re still figuring it out.”

Michael nodded in what you hoped was understanding. “You’re right, but it’s a standing offer. If you ever need it, it’s there.”

You let out a long breath, “Thank you.”

He sipped the white wine he had chosen for you both, glancing out the window at the sunset.

Part of you felt endeared that he still wanted to help out, but the money felt like an unnecessary weight to add to your shoulders. You did not want to hinder the relationship budding between you, or give him any reason to second guess your intentions.

“I’m glad we’re here.” Michael told you, offering a smile.

“I am too.” You grabbed your wine glass and raised it. “To second chances?”

He clinked his glass with yours and grinned.

—

When the food arrived, you were trading light banter. It felt easy, uncomplicated, despite the warm feelings invading your chest and working their way to your heart. You tried to take a breath, slow it all down, but they thrummed beneath the surface. He was polite, except the occasional way his eyes took you in — eyes lingering over the exposed bit of skin of your chest that the dress made obvious, wandering slowly back up to your eyes.

Those eyes were going to set you on fire.

You laughed, “That reminds me of when we were all on lockdown—”

Michael grew silent, a faraway look in his eyes, completely unaware of the rest of your sentence, or the way you stopped short.

“...you with me?” You asked softly, running your fingers along his hand until you were holding it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t really realize how much the pandemic affected you.”

He blinked rapidly at you, before trying to shrug it off, clearing his throat. “It usually doesn’t.”

“I know it took its toll on the healthcare system, I wasn’t trying to make light of it.” You told him earnestly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I lost my mentor.” He said quietly, looking down at his food. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had to make a choice, and it didn’t end up really mattering.”

You squeezed his hand. “I’m really sorry. Adamson? Tell me about him.”

Michael looked up at the sound of the name, momentarily surprised by you remembering it.

“He was a force. Reliable. Took me under his wing not long after my residency and showed me just about everything I know. He always knew what to say, a trait I wish I had.”

You nodded along.

“Great doctor, even better man.”

“I can see how much you admired him. How long since he passed?”

“Three years about two months ago.” He said.

“I’ve never met him, but I don’t think he would want you to carry it with you like this. You said last week that it was for a little girl, and I know she didn’t make it either, but I’m sure he would’ve wanted you to try. If he was as great a man as you say, I doubt he’d want you to feel guilty over it. If he showed you everything you know, then surely the decision you made would have been the same one he would have.”

The words hung heavy in the air — and Michael’s eyebrows scrunched together while he digested them. He squeezed your hand tightly and a tear slipped from his eye.

“...thank you.” It was quiet. It was raw. It was unmasked.

You brushed your thumb over his knuckles and smiled softly.

He wiped away the tear quickly and cleared his throat, “So you said school was almost done. Is this your last semester?”

“Yeah, just have to finish out my classes, and then I’ll be graduating in two months.”

“Damn, you’re almost done.”

You moved your hand from his back to your lap, twisting a bit of pasta onto your fork. “I try not to count down the days. But then I’ll have to get my certification, then I’ll finally be a CPA.”

His smile was easy, “Congratulations.”

“I haven’t graduated yet.” But your lips moved upwards anyway.

“You’ve put in a lot of hard work, you should be proud of yourself.”

Your cheeks burned, “Thank you.”

The check came, and you only tried to glance at it once before you reined the thoughts in. He grabbed your hand when you got up from the table, his touch equally holding you steady and sending your thoughts back into a whirlwind. Heat had your heart racing, thoughts without any pure intention slipping in and making you blush deeper.

You intertwined your fingers instead of saying anything.

In the car, the conversation continued easily, though Michael reached for your hand again and held it throughout the drive. It felt like pieces were slotting into place, and it felt good to not pretend. To allow yourself to feel the feeling coiling around your heart. To accept his attention, his intention, without feeling like there was anything hindering you.

When they arrived at your building, he got out to walk you up. You went to protest, but the warmth was back rolling around in your stomach and you closed her mouth. Instead, an excitement was building.

He spoke first when you reached your door, “I had a really good time tonight.”

“I did too.” You were grinning. “Thank you for our first official date.”

He smiled, dark brown eyes flickering to your lips and back to your eyes. Your breathing picked up to keep up with your racing heart, and you glanced at his mouth. When your eyes returned to his, he was already leaning in.

You accepted the kiss eagerly, curling one hand around the front of his coat, the other moving to his hair. He took the invitation, bringing a hand to your cheek and pulling you closer, pressing his other hand to the small of your back.

Something bloomed deep in your chest, and you savored the taste of him while you could. He pulled back before it delved any deeper, though he held you still against him.

“Goodnight,”

“Goodnight, Michael.”

There was a fear of being known, but you were both finally letting the light in.

[ Next ]

want to join any of my taglists? shoot me a message!

Companionship taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @clementine111002 @virgomillie @emily-b @kaygilles @lt-jakeseresin @imonmykneessir @kniselle @gabsgabsvaz @rosiepoise88 @calivia @holdonimwalkingmysnail @valhallavalkyrie9 @blahkateisdone @shadowhuntyi @fuckalrighty @elli3williams @yournerdmodziata @i-know-i-can @dickheadturner @dcgoddess @pittobsessed @glamorizethechaos @blueb33ry-cat @whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustrange @burningpenguinwitch @evienorville @equallyshaw @heyysolsister @justrandomthougt @babygirlagenda

Dr. Robby taglist: @cherriready @seeyalaterinnovator @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @bxxbxy @18lkpeters @flyinglama @hagarsays @mayabbot @anakingreys @happyfox43 @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind @sarah-the-bird-nerd @girl-obsessed-with-things @laurenkate79 @woodxtock @rosie-posie08 @artsymaddie @partofthelouniverse

(50 tags have been reached with the combo of all three taglists, so unfortunately The Pitt taglist for this series will be added in a reblog right after this is posted - I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience!)

most of the heavy angst is over — they still suck at feelings, but they’re learning😊

as we get closer to smut territory, I get more worried it won’t live up to y’all’s expectations lol (😭)

[octoberobserver]

The Set Up - a Robron fic

(Read on ao3 here)

Hi! I truly cannot believe that I’m not only back watching Emmerdale (or at least bingeing clips) in the year of our Lord 2025, but I’m writing fic for it for the first time, too. The power of Robron, I swear. Full disclosure, despite having grown up with it, I haven’t actually watched the show properly in over six years, so I’m playing catch-up in a lot of ways. If anything seems off, that’s why.

This fic is also for my Mum, who passed away recently and was a massive Robron shipper, even bigger than I ever was. She always said there was nobody else for Aaron, and Robert would be back, and she was right on both fronts. ❤️

~*~

He let Mackenzie Boyd, of all people, set him up.

Robert knew from the start, right when it was happening over several ill-advised pints in The Woolpack on a Thursday evening in early August, that it was an absolutely terrible idea.

And yet…

“Come on,” Mack nudged his shoulder, taking a large gulp from his fourth pint of the night. “A friend of mine is comin’ down from Aberdeen the weekend. I said I’d show ‘im round, but I have a thing, can’t miss it. So, do me a favour and show ‘im Hotten for me.”

Robert took a much more respectable sip of his third pint of the night. He had been back in the village for a couple of months now and, bafflingly, among the animosity from the Dingles, the hesitancy from his sister, the vitriol from his dear, long-lost half brother, and the soul-crushing heartache from his hus…ex-husband, he had somehow managed to make a friend.

Mackenzie. Aaron’s best friend and perpetual, if well-meaning, new thorn in Robert’s side.

“This friend of yours,” he took another sip, eyes carefully averted. “He wouldn’t happen to be the same one I heard ya makin’ plans to head to the new gay bar with, would he?”

Listen. The village was small. He couldn’t help but overhear phone conversations in the café while waiting for his Americano and trying (and failing) to ignore Aaron’s existence in the queue behind him, even if Mackenzie weren’t a giant motormouth. Which he 100% was.

As if reading his mind, a slow grin passed over Mack’s face.

“One in the same,” he winked. “Logan. He’s thirty-five, brunette, and a bit rough around the edges. Just your type…or so I’ve heard, anyway.”

Robert snorted, putting down his pint and locking eyes with him.

“You’re a lot of things, Mack. But subtle isn’t one of ‘em, eh?”

Mackenzie practically vibrated in his seat, his dark eyes lit up in excitement.

“No, it’s not, Robbie m’boy. Come on, go out with him. I promise it’ll be fun. He’s dead fit too.”

He waggled his eyebrows in a ridiculously suggestive way.

“Aren’t you straight?” Robert tilted his head inquisitively at him.

Mack rolled his eyes. “Mostly,” he smirked, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t have functioning eyes, Sugden.”

He sighed before waving his hand around the half-empty pub.

“What, have ya some other big plans in your lively social calendar?”

Robert rolled his eyes back at him. He was a recently released ex-con who wasn’t exactly Mr. Popular before he went inside, so he was hardly batting invitations away with a stick. And this numpty knew it.

Still, something had his stomach churning.

“And what does Aaron think about his best friend trying to set up his ex-husband on a date with a ‘dead fit, rough around the edges’ type?”

He said it lightly, almost flippantly, but didn’t quite hit the mark. They both pretended it did, though.

After a tumultuous first few weeks back in the Dales, Robert was honouring his promise to leave John (and reluctantly, Aaron) alone. They hadn’t seen much of one another since their last blow-up over a month ago, and it was slowly killing Robert.

Catching only brief glimpses here and there of his hus…ex-husband in the pub or the shop or the café was a quiet torture. Harder than the last six years without him inside had been because this time, this way, he was so close but…just out of reach.

Instead, he had to watch, in real time, as Aaron lived his life without him. Was happy (if he was to be believed, anyway) with someone else—Robert's half-brother, army-medic twat, John Sugden.

Of all people.

But every cloud had a silver lining, and his sheer hatred for John had been what drew Mackenzie into Robert’s orbit.

Because it turned out, Aaron’s best friend hated his new husband and really, somehow liked his ex. And wasn’t that just fucking hilarious?

They’d bonded in minutes.

“Lucky for us,” Mackenzie shrugged, “Aaron doesn’t get to have an opinion on what, or who you do anymore, Robert. And yeah, he’s my best mate in the world, but he doesn’t speak for me and what I choose to do with or for my other friends, either. So. Free country and all that. He knows we’re friends. Accepts it. And settin’ ya up kinda goes with the territory, doesn’t it?”

Robert narrowed his eyes, suspicious of his tone.

“This isn’t another one of your bonkers plans to get us back together, is it? ‘Cause I told Aaron I would speak to you about—”

“Nope, no, my matchmaking days are over, Sugden. Scout’s honour.”

He held up two fingers to his forehead, almost like he was blessing himself.

“Something tells me you were never a Boy Scout, Boyd.”

“And you’d be right,” Mackenzie grinned. “Was kicked out my first week for nickin’ badges. But my point still stands. Ya gotta get back out there, man. See the world, meet new people. You’ve been outta the game for over half a decade. It’s time.”

Robert shifted in his seat.

“And does this Logan know why I’ve been ‘out of the game’ for over half a decade, Mackenzie? ‘Cause something tells me that might be a dealbreaker.”

A trace of a grimace passed over his friend’s face before he gave another shrug.

“He knows you were inside. He has a bit of a past himself, so he gets it more than most,” he sighed. “But I didn't get too into the details. It's not my story to tell.”

Robert nodded at that. And let himself briefly consider it. Being with another man who wasn’t Aaron had honestly never crossed his mind. Not once. He was attracted to plenty of men, sure, had been since he was a teenager, because yeah, he also had functioning eyes, but actively putting himself out there after knowing what he and Aaron had? Could possibly have again if it weren’t for the small, tiny issue of Aaron being married and Robert having broken his trust and his heart all in one foul sweep?

Never stopped ya before, a snarky voice that sounded devastingly like Liv echoed in the back of his head.

His heart gave a painful thump.

“Look, I’ve said my piece,” Mackenzie held up his hands, breaking Robert from his reverie as he dug in his pocket and retrieved a slip of paper, sliding it slowly across the table like he was in a film negotiating his price for a bounty.

Dramatic little shit.

“There’s his number. I told ‘im I’d pass it on, and he said no pressure either way, he’s well able to entertain himself till I can grace him with my lovely presence. So do with it what ya want.”

Robert stared down at the eleven digits, the black ink blurring a little as he heard the last words he and Aaron spoke directly to each other, all those weeks ago…

“He stole my husband, my sister, my home, and my life, and I’m supposed to, what, Aaron? Play happy families with the bloke? Shake his hand, send Christmas cards, and share pints down the pub? All while he has you in his bed, Vic in his corner, and everyone else in this godforsaken village wrapped around his little finger? Gimme a break.”

“I’m not asking you to have any type of relationship with John, Robert. But I do need ya to move on. From me and from us. Find someone else. I have.”

Move on. From Aaron and from the life they had together. Find someone else. First Chas, then Vic, now Aaron, all saying the same thing, like it was just the easiest thing in the world. To move on from the one person in the whole world who ever made him happy, ever made him feel like himself, ever made him fall in love with—

“Oi, Mack, where the hell have ya—oh.”

Robert just about managed not to jump as the man of the hour, Aaron Dingle, (or Sugden-Dingle, he supposed he was now, again?), suddenly appeared, storming right over to the table before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of him sitting with Mackenzie.

“Uh,” Aaron’s brow furrowed as he stared between them for a beat, before he shook his head and gestured at his friend. “I was lookin’ for ya. The footie’s at eight, so…”

Robert stood up, deftly slipping the piece of paper into the palm of his hand and nodding at Mack.

Decision made, then.

“Right, I’ll let ya get on. Thanks, Mack,” he drained his pint and turned, giving a curt nod to Aaron before making his way out of the pub, heading for Vic’s.

Move on. From me and from us. Find someone else.

He wasn’t sure if he was ready to do exactly that just yet, but…maybe, just maybe, a drink with a ‘dead fit, rough around the edges’ Scot couldn’t hurt.

~*~

Aaron watched as Robert, dressed in a tight navy shirt and dark trousers, with perfectly messy hair (styled in the way he knew took him ages), and a leather jacket slung over his shoulder, hopped into a taxi at seven o’clock on a Saturday night.

“Where’s he off to?” Aaron mumbled to himself, hating that he still cared.

He shouldn’t.

But he did.

It had been…weird having Robert back in the village. Well, it had been a lot more than just weird, but he didn’t wanna think about all that just now. Not when he was supposed to be having a quiet night in with his new husband.

His husband. John. Not—

“You okay?”

He startled a little at the sudden voice in his ear.

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Hurry up, will ya, the food’s gettin’ cold.”

John let them into their flat, throwing his keys down and shrugging off his jacket.

“Was that Robert getting into a taxi?” he asked over his shoulder, his tone clipped.

Aaron refused to rise to it. They were supposed to be having a quiet night in, with some takeaway and some Netflix and maybe a quick shag if he didn’t fall asleep halfway through whatever boring documentary John forced him to watch—but none of that would happen if Robert Sugden became the topic of conversation.

“Didn’t see,” he lied, just one of many he’d accumulated over the last couple of months, starting with his wedding day and the kiss he hadn’t told him about.

The same kiss that Robert did eventually tell him about, and all Hell broke loose.

“He and Mackenzie seem to be cozying up a lot,” John continued, despite it being obvious Aaron didn’t want to keep talking about it. “Is he trying to steal your best friend or something?”

“Who knows with Robert?” Aaron sighed as he got out plates and dug through the bag, taking out containers of food, the smell as delicious as always, but his stomach suddenly queasy. “And, Mack’s allowed to have more than one friend, so it’s none of my business…”

He shrugged, hoping the topic was dropped.

(He should’ve known better.)

“Don’t you think it’s a bit weird, though?” John asked, making his way over and folding his arms across his chest. “What, Robert can’t have you, so he’ll take the next best thing?”

“Robert’s not interested in Mack like that, John. Just ‘cause he’s bi doesn’t mean that he wants to get with everyone.”

That wasn’t what he had intended to say. He had no idea what he had intended to say, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t that. Judging by the creases lining John’s forehead, he thought the same.

“I know, Aaron,” he said a little sharply. “I just meant that it’s odd that he could make his own separate friends, but instead is being pally with your best mate. Having pints and talkin’ shop and letting him set him up on dates with—”

“What?”

Aaron’s heart skipped a beat.

John’s eyes narrowed slightly, tracing his face. Aaron kept still, trying to show none of the reaction that the rest of his body was having right now.

Mack set Robert up on a date? Was that where he was going, all dressed up in a taxi?

“I overheard Mackenzie talking to that friend of his from Aberdeen. Logan?” John was saying, almost drowned out by the thundering in Aaron’s ears. “He said something about giving Robert his number and telling him to text him.”

Something clicked in the back of Aaron’s mind. Last Thursday, he had gone to The Woolie looking for Mack, only to find him sitting with Robert. Predictably, Robert had made a pretty hasty exit once he’d seen him (unpredictably keeping his promise about leaving him alone), and slipped what looked like a small piece of paper into his hand before heading out.

Aaron probably shouldn’t have noticed something like that, but then again, when had he ever not noticed every single little thing about Robert Jacob Sugden, even when he didn’t want to?

“Oh, right,” he forced out, gathering his food and making his way over to the couch. “Good for him, then.”

The words were like ash in his mouth, so he cracked open a can and tried to dowse it in the shitty craft beer John insisted on buying from Hotten.

(It didn’t work.)

He could feel John’s eyes on him as he tucked into his dinner, his stomach protesting every bite but forcing himself to swallow it down anyway.

“Yeah, I suppose it is a good thing,” John continued, sitting down beside him, a plate in one hand as he wrapped the other around Aaron’s shoulders, leaning in close, his breath on his cheek. “He can find someone else’s life to ruin, so we can get on with ours.”

A spike of anger flared in Aaron’s veins at that. He had spoken to John before about not understanding what he and Robert had, what they had once been to one another, and having opinions about something he knew nothing about, but as time wore on, he just kept picking and making snide comments, and it was really starting to wind him up.

He swallowed down that anger along with his food.

A quiet night in. He wanted a quiet night in. Food. Film. Fucking. With his new husband. That was what he wanted. Not whatever Robert was up to in Hotten with some mystery bloke Mackenzie set him up with.

“Whatcha wanna watch?” he unsubtly changed the subject, but thankfully John didn’t object.

“Oh, there’s a documentary on submarines that’s meant to be…”

Aaron tuned out the rest, numbly nodding as John, none the wiser, put on the film and settled in.

Over the next, God, he had no idea how long, Aaron tried not to glance out the window or look at his phone or wonder just what his ex-husband was up to. It wasn’t his business anymore. Robert could be friends with whoever he wanted, and go on dates with whoever he wanted, and fall in love with who…

He leapt up off the couch, nausea swirling in his gut as his heart hammered in his chest.

John stared at him, a worried line between his eyebrows.

“Aaron? Are you o—”

“Need the toilet,” he put down his plate of completely untouched dinner and backed out of the room. “Keep the film playin’, I’ll be out in a minute.”

Not waiting for a reply, he shut himself in the bathroom and tried to control his suddenly haggard breathing.

Resting his face against the mirror, he took a deep breath in and slowly let it out.

“Get a grip, Jesus,” he hissed to himself, while digging in his pocket for his phone and pulling up Mackenzie’s number.

It rang exactly twice before a far-too-enthusiastic voice picked up.

“Aaron, mate, I had a feelin’ you’d be callin’.”

He swallowed down every curse word and snappy comeback he wanted to lob at his best mate and growled, “What’s this I hear about you settin’ Rob up with Logan?”

An annoyingly smug chuckle sounded down the phone.

“Heard about that, did’cha?”

“Mackenzie.”

“Oh, fine, it’s not like it’s a big secret, 007,” Mack sighed, and Aaron could practically see him rolling his eyes. “It’s exactly what it says on the tin. Logan’s visitin’, and I couldn’t take him out on the town tonight, so I set him up with an eligible bisexual bachelor instead. It’s called being a good friend.”

“Oh yeah, you’re a saint,” Aaron shot back, tone dripping with sarcasm and hating himself for it.

“I didn’t think you’d mind, considerin’ you’re all loved up with Hubby Number Two,” Mack remarked lightly, knowing well he minded far more than he’d ever admit. “Sugden Lite, Diet Sugden, Sugden Zero—”

“Mack.”

A laugh was bubbling up his chest and mixing with his initial annoyance, but he’d be fucked if he ever let Mackenzie know he found him funny. Sometimes. On occasion.

Robert was the same way. Give him an inch, and he’d take a mile. The bastard.

“Was there any particular reason for this call, Aaron, or can I get back to what I was doin’?”

Aaron stared at himself in the mirror, taking another deep breath and letting it out.

“What were ya doing, anyway, that ya couldn’t meet up with Logan?”

“Jesus, the fuzz wouldn’t even ask me that,” Mack snorted, and Aaron could practically see him wink. “Mind yer ain business, Dingle. Pint tomorrow?”

That was that, then.

Aaron knew a lost cause when he heard one.

“Alright, yeah, see ya then. Judas.”

Another laugh trickled down the line.

“Maybe ask yerself why me settin’ up your ex on a date with a fit Scotsman feels like betrayal, when you’ve said time and time again to anyone who’ll listen that you want him to move on, eh? Ya might figure out a couple’a things and save me the bother next time.”

The dial tone punctuated his point.

Aaron lowered the phone from his ear and gritted his teeth.

Fuckin’ Mackenzie Boyd.

Resigning himself to his fate, he took another deep breath and made his way back out to the living room, only to find John mid-kip in front of the telly, the boring monotone of the narrator the only sound over his soft snores.

Alright. Maybe he’d have that pint now, then.

~*~

Robert hated to admit it, but—Mackenzie was right. Logan was ‘dead fit.’

And funny.

Smart.

Charming.

And, yep, a good kisser too.

(Though he wasn’t sure if Mack knew that last one. Probably not. Maybe? He kinda had his suspicions about him, sometimes.)

He pulled back from the admittedly good kiss and bit his lip, staring down into chocolate brown eyes, hating that he wished they were sea blue instead.

“Pint?”

The word was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Logan was staying in The Grange for the weekend, so of course, the only place close by to get that pint would be…The Woolpack. That was currently full to the brim with his ex-in-laws because it was a day that ended in ‘Y.’

They’d be lambs walking into a lion’s cage.

“Lead the way,” Logan smiled back before Robert could backpeddle and shit, yeah, there was Chas right at the bar, Charity wiping glasses, Sam sitting gormless with Belle and Aaron—

Fuck.

They locked eyes, Robert frozen on the spot, distantly aware that Logan was saying something to him but not hearing a word.

Because Aaron was staring right at him with those unfairly gorgeous blue eyes. Drinking him in with that quiet intensity that took his breath away from day one, over eleven years ago.

Some things never change.

“...Robert?”

“Hm, what?” he dragged his gaze away from his ex-husband and forced his attention on his date.

His date. Logan. Who was looking at him with a far-too-knowing stare.

“I said, what are ya havin’? It’s my round.”

Mumbling the first thing that came to mind, he took a seat, his legs feeling a little shaky, no matter how much he scolded himself.

Aaron went and married his half-brother, for fuck’s sake. Robert, being on a casual date with a man shouldn’t feel wrong. Shouldn’t feel like he’s cheating right in front of him because Aaron wasn’t his anymore. He wasn’t Aaron’s. They weren’t anything to each other anymore and—

And that just isn’t true, is it?

Aaron still hadn’t looked away. Robert didn’t need to be staring directly at him to know that. He could feel it.

“Here we are,” Logan grinned as he placed a pint in front of him and sank down beside him. “So, this is The Woolpack, eh? Mack’s second home, now.”

Robert nodded, trying and failing to ignore the multiple pairs of eyes that were on them now.

The rest of the Dingles had noticed them, then.

Great.

“Yeah, his wife, Charity, owns the place,” he cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink, itching to tear up the beer mat in front of him.

Logan hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, he mentioned Charity. Was gutted I missed the wedding. Heard it was…unique.”

Robert shrugged, “I couldn’t tell ya, I missed it too. I was…” he trailed off, realising he didn’t really want to delve into where he was and why right this second.

Logan nudged his shoulder with his.

“Me too.”

Robert’s eyebrows shot up his forehead.

“You were in prison during Mackenzie’s wedding?”

“Yep,” Logan chuckled. “I thought Mack told ya I’d been inside too?”

“He… alluded.”

Logan laughed, “Yeah, that sounds like him.”

They shared a smile, and Robert felt himself relax a bit, something loosening in his chest.

“So, the lad at the bar currently glaring daggers into my skull, that’s your ex, then?”

Robert tensed all over again.

“What?”

Logan tilted his head ever so slightly in Aaron’s direction.

“That lad—dark hair, ruggedly handsome, intense as fuck. That’s your ex-husband? Aaron, right?”

“What exactly did Mackenzie tell you?”

“Oh, this wasn’t Mack’s doin’. You’ve mentioned ‘Aaron’ like a dozen times since Hotten. It doesn’t take a genius.”

Robert winced, opening his mouth—

“Don’t apologise. I get it.”

“I’m not sure ya do.”

“Maybe not,” Logan nudged his shoulder again. “But I don’t mind. Let ‘im look. We could even give ‘im a show, if ya want?”

Before he could try to come up with a response to that, a very familiar and very unwelcome figure walked through the door, a thunderous expression on his face.

Unable to help himself, Robert smirked.

“Hello, Johnny. Looking for someone?”

John glanced from where Aaron was now straightening up at the bar, looking oddly caught out, to where Robert sat with Logan.

“Robert,” he gritted between his teeth. “This the next man whose life you’re gonna ruin?”

Before he could reply, Aaron appeared at John’s side, speaking lowly.

“I just nipped in for a quick pint, didn’t wanna wake ya, but let’s go, yeah? Finish the film.”

Robert snorted, gaze trailing Aaron’s face.

“Lemme guess, something boring. A war documentary? Navy ships? Am I close?”

Aaron’s jaw tightened, telling him everything.

Unable to shove down his amusement, Robert turned to Logan, waving a hand.

“John, Aaron, this is Logan, my date. Logan, this is John, my long-lost half-brother, and Aaron, my hus…brother-in-law.”

He caught his slip, but he knew they all heard it. It was also the first time he had uttered the words ‘brother-in-law’ in the same sentence as ‘Aaron’ out loud, and it tasted foul. Like someone had switched his pint with filthy drain water.

He could see Logan’s shocked expression out of the corner of his eye and surmised that Mackenzie had left that little nugget of information out of his lowdown on Robert Sugden.

“Nice to meet you,” John said, sounding like he meant anything but as he leaned closer. “But watch yourself with this one, eh? He’s just got out of prison.”

Logan caught Robert’s eye before leaning in and chuckling.

“Well, there’s a coincidence for ya. Me too. Expect I’ll be alright, so.”

He winked before staring at Aaron, standing up, and hooking a thumb behind him.

“Gotta see a man about a horse,” he murmured, heading for the toilets.

Robert watched him go, sipping his pint.

“Anything else I can help ya with, Johnny boy, or…?”

“I know what you’re doing, ya know,” John growled as Aaron made an aborted gesture to hold him back. “And it’s not gonna work. You’re not gonna flaunt some fling in here in front of Aaron and get him to come runnin’ back to ya or something, you hear me?”

Robert blinked, and before he knew it, he was on his feet.

“Oi!” Chas yelled from across the pub. “I want no trouble in here, you hear me, Robert Sugden? Take it outside, all of ya.”

Shooting his gem of an ex-mother-in-law a smile, he walked out, John and Aaron hot on his heels.

“First of all, Johnny Not So Good,” he said lightly as soon as they stepped out into the night air and the door shut behind them. “What I do or do not do in this village is none of your business. Second of all, I’m not in the habit of manipulating the man I love. I didn’t even know Aaron was in there. Last I heard from Mack was that Aaron was having a ‘lovely, quiet night in’ with you. So, I had no plans to make him jealous.”

John gave a hollow laugh, stepping towards him.

“‘Not in the habit of manipulating?’ That’s not the way I’ve heard it.”

Something painful twinged in Robert’s chest at that, as he couldn’t help but look at Aaron, who wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Yeah, well. Maybe that was true once upon a time. But people change.”

“Not you,” John glared, taking another step towards him and jabbing a finger in his face. “You’re a bad apple, Robert. Always have been from what I’ve gleaned about ya around here. Everyone says it. Chas, Victoria, Paddy…” he trailed off, looking right at Aaron and letting Robert fill in the blanks.

That pain in his chest twisted like a knife.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Robert smacked his hand away. “You’re better than me in every way,” he paused, a slow, smug smirk crossing his face as he finally caught Aaron’s eye, winking. “Well, not every way, eh, Aaron?”

John lunged at him, but Aaron was faster, holding him back as Robert let out a cold laugh.

“I already told ya, Johnny Do Wrong, you should be worried. And everyone knows it. Victoria, Paddy, Chas, Mack, Aaron, hell, even deep down, you. Your marriage was cursed from the start. Not ten minutes before your wedding, Aaron was kissing me, and, the cherry on top, his own best friend, his Best Man, even missed the big day. If that isn’t a bad omen, I dunno what is…”

Robert was on a roll now, the whole world narrowing down to just the three of them as he delivered the final blow.

“Don’t worry, though, Johnny boy, Mack’ll be Best Man at his next one…” he laughed, leaning down to stare right into his brother’s eyes. “Remember, Aaron loved me so much he married me twice. So, whatcha think? Could we go for a hat-trick?”

John lunged for him again, but Aaron held him tighter.

“Give over, Rob,” he growled but didn’t look at him, just as Logan emerged in the doorway, looking puzzled and intrigued.

“What’d I miss?”

Robert turned to him, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Family drama, it’s rampant round here,” he remarked lightly. “Walk ya back to the B&B?”

Ignoring Aaron’s heavy stare, he strode away, side by side with Logan, letting their shoulders bump together.

He knew it wasn’t fair, was shitty and a low-blow, especially for Aaron’s ears to hear, but he had meant every word he’d said. Despite everything, despite himself, he still had hope.

Hope for them. Hope for what they could be again.

And it was probably going to be his downfall.

So for now, he shoved it underneath all the years of yearning and pain and love for a man that wasn’t his anymore, ignored his tit of a brother and walked his date home.

Robert Jacob Sugden was a lot of things. He was smug, arrogant and cocky with a bad taste in music and who dances worse than Paddy Kirk. But one thing he wasn’t was a quitter.

Neither was Aaron Dingle.

And for now? That was enough.

~*~

Aaron watched, his stomach in knots and his chest tight, as Robert walked away with Mack’s stupidly fit friend.

They had kissed earlier. Just before heading into The Woolpack.

Aaron had seen them from where he had been standing outside, trying to cajole his best friend into a sneaky pint with him from wherever he was hiding, only to look up and feel his whole world tilt on its axis.

Because there Robert stood, his ex-husband and not-so-ex love of his life, twenty yards from him, his lips locked with another man’s.

A man who wasn’t him.

Over the years, he had seen Robert with other people before, sure. Women. More than one. And yeah, it had bothered him, of course it had. But not like this. This felt different. When Robert had been with women in the past, Aaron could fool himself into thinking it was because they, as women, had something he didn’t. They could, as women, give Robert something he couldn’t. But to see him with another man? That he couldn’t fool himself into thinking anything but, see? It’s not that he doesn’t want a man. It’s that he doesn’t want you.

The thought felt like being cut by the sharpest knife and drowned in ice-cold water at the same time.

(And Aaron would know. He’d experienced both in his lifetime.)

He felt like that because it was Aaron who helped Robert accept that part of himself. It was Aaron he wanted to be himself with, and he had fallen in love with and realised that he wasn’t a disappointment with. Aaron. Not Chrissie, or Katie, or Rebecca, or…what was his name, again? Lorcan? No, Logan. Not him either.

And yet, as much as he hated admitting it to himself, watching Robert kiss another man, a man who wasn’t him…hurt in a way he hadn’t expected it to after all this time.

But he had no right to feel that way. He knew that.

He’d gone and married Robert’s brother, for God’s sake.

Hypocrite.

Shoving those dark thoughts to the back of his mind, he practically dragged John back to The Mill, knowing another fight awaited them, but suddenly so, so sick and tired of it all.

“You just couldn’t keep away, could ya?”

He wanted to go to bed, but John’s tone and his glare told him that wouldn’t be happening any time soon.

“John, I swear. I just wanted a pint, that’s all. I had no idea Robert would be in the pub.”

Liar.

“We’re bound to run into each other. It’s a small village.”

Excuses.

“We’ll just give ‘em a wide berth, yeah? As much as we can.”

Empty promises.

The fight lasted well into the night. The same old issues cropping up over and over and over again until finally, Aaron just left the room, heading towards his bedroom and calling over his shoulder, “Follow me, or don’t. I’m going to bed.”

It was another while until he felt the bed dip.

He pretended to be asleep.

John actually fell asleep much quicker than he thought he would.

And all the while, Aaron thought of Robert.

Robert and his dramatic wedding crashing and declarations of love. Robert and his bruised and battered face, still so happy to see him when he got back out of prison. Robert and the love they once had, the life they once shared, the future they had been planning with Seb, and Liv and more kids on the horizon. Robert tonight, in his tight shirt and stupidly messy, ridiculous hair that he wanted nothing more than to run his hands through again for the first time in six years. Robert’s soft eyes and sharp tongue and that same tongue shoved down another man’s throat as he probably fucked Logan within an inch of his—

Aaron was tiptoeing out his front door before he fully caught his next breath.

It was cold, and his threadbare jumper and joggers didn’t do much to shield him from it. But Vic’s place was in his sights now, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make himself turn back. Go home. To the bed he shared with his husband. Who wasn’t Robert. Not anymore.

He knocked louder than he would have if he didn’t know that Victoria had taken Harry to visit Diane this weekend.

“Robert?” he yelled through the door, an urgency surging through him, a frantic panic as the thought that maybe he wasn’t home but instead up at the B&B, with fit, Scottish Logan with his tongue shoved down his—

“Aaron?”

The door swung open, revealing a sleep-rumpled Robert, in grey pyjama trousers and loose T-shirt, staring blearily down at him.

Aaron drank him in like a man parched, words flowing from him without thought.

“I think I’d rather never have you back than lose you again. That’s what you said to me once,” he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Robert looked devastated as he heard his own words from so long ago repeated back to him.

He took a breath. His eyes wide, bright, and gorgeous.

“Aaron, what—”

“Did ya sleep with him?”

Robert blinked, arms crossing over his chest as his face hardened.

“I don’t think you get to ask me those kinda questions since you married my brother, Aaron.”

Aaron winced, knowing he was right. Knowing he was being beyond unfair, but not able to stop himself.

“Okay, let me ask ya something else, then.”

He took another deep breath, stepping closer to him, tilting his head up to look straight into those same eyes he had missed more than anything in the world.

“Is this me losing you, Robert?”

It was soft. Barely above a whisper. But he knew he had heard him, if the kaleidoscope of emotion crossing his face was any indication.

Robert heaved a sigh, reaching out and gripping his arms, tight, but not constricting. Comforting. Warm. Everything.

“You could never lose me, Aaron. I told you. I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”

His thumb swept over his forearm, right where his faded scars lay underneath his sleeve.

“And no, I didn’t sleep with him. I walked him to the door and said goodnight because all I could think about is you, because…well, you know.”

A broken sob tried its best to wrench its way out of Aaron’s chest.

But he kept it together. He had to get this out. He’d waited over half a decade. It was time.

“I know,” he gripped the edge of Robert’s T-shirt, summoning every ounce of strength he had. “So if we…if we do this, Rob, can you promise me, swear to me, that we will do everything we can not to lose each other? Never again. Because that’s what I need, Robert. I can’t…I can’t do what I want to do without being sure of that. Because I can’t lose you again. I won’t. It will kill me.”

Robert reached up and cupped his cheek, his gaze unwavering.

“We won’t lose each other, Aaron. Not again, never again. I swear, I promise, I—”

Aaron leaned up and crashed their lips together, pushing him over the threshold and kicking the door closed behind him.

Robert kissed him back instantly, as if it were inevitable, and maybe in a way it always was, ever since that day on the bridge.

(Ever since the lay-by, really.)

Robert kissed him like it was the only thing he wanted to do for the rest of his life. And Aaron kissed him back.

Because, yeah. It was one of the only things he wanted to do for the rest of his life. That, and so, so much more. With Robert.

It was a terrible idea, and would definitely blow up his life worse than he ever had, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Because it was Robert. It was always Robert. It would always be…Robert.

Messed up. With him. Forever.

And no husband or blind date or prison sentence would ever change that. For either of them.

He broke the kiss, chest heaving as he struggled to breathe, watching Robert do the same, their breaths mingling with their lips barely an inch apart. And suddenly, a memory came to him, from the deep recesses of his brain, making Aaron smile, his hands coming up to finally rake through that ridiculous hair that he loved so much, because despite everything still unspoken between them, he knew only three more little words needed to be said tonight.

“Right. Upstairs. Now.”

Somewhere, out there, Mackenzie is throwing one hell of a party and filling Charity in on his matchmaking genius���

I might do a smutty part two if people are interested? Would love to know what you think. Thanks! ❤️

[findroleplay]

Hello!! I’ve recently been looking for roleplay partners and decided to make my own ad!

-I’m 18+ looking for 18+ rp partners

-I RP on Discord, just for Tupper bot and the easy organizing that comes with making a server. I write literate and in 3rd person, ranging between 3 paragraphs to exceeding the character limit, and would prefer if that’s matched, though I’m pretty lenient as I know shorter replies get the roleplay rolling!

-I love chatting OOC and yapping about our ideas and characters, or shared interests we might have!

-I adore aesthetics for the roleplay, making playlists, making our characters as incorrect quotes/memes, and moodboards

-I do OCxCC, OCxOC, or the occasional CCxCC. I’m mostly looking for platonic tropes right now, but if we do ships I prefer MxM, although I dabble in MxF.

-I don’t write smut/NSFW, I feel like it just takes away from the plot.

-Big fan of angst, adventure, and most importantly, drama!!

-I don’t have many specific plots in mind but some tropes I do like include:

Platonic: Platonic soulmates, Angsty siblings, Found family

Romantic: Forbidden, Fake dating, One-sided(not actually) pining, Enemies to lovers or enemies to enemies who happen to kiss, Rivals

and many more! I’d love to hear your ideas and plots you’re interested in!

Fandoms List, including the characters I’m interested in writing either as or against and preferred gender pairs if we do ships:

-Stranger Things(Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers, Argyle. MxM)

-Star Wars(Anakin Skywalker. MxF though I’m totally down for some forbidden MxM)

-Baby(Niccolò Govender, Brando, Carlo. No pref on gender pairs)

-Harry Potter(Mostly interested in sub-fandoms (cough cough Slytherin Boys cough cough please don’t get the pitchforks and torches out)

-Deadly Class(Marcus Lopez)

-Scream franchise(Charlie Walker, Robbie Mercer, Trevor Sheldon, Ethan Landry)

-Life as a House(Sam Monroe)

-

[rp-partnerfinder]

Hello!! I’ve recently been looking for a roleplay partner and decided to make my own ad!

-I’m 18+ looking for 18+ rp partners

-I RP on Discord, just for Tupper bot and the easy organizing that comes with making a server. I write literate and in 3rd person, ranging between 3 paragraphs to exceeding the character limit, and would prefer if that’s matched, although I’m pretty lenient as I know shorter replies get the roleplay rolling!

-I love chatting OOC and yapping about our ideas and characters, or shared interests we might have!

-I do OCxCC, OCxOC, or the occasional CCxCC. I typically prefer MxM for any ships, but I dabble in MxF.

-I don’t write smut/NSFW, I feel like it just takes away from the plot.

-Big fan of angst, adventure, and most importantly, drama!!

-I don’t have many specific plots in mind but some tropes I do like include:

Platonic: Platonic soulmates, Angsty siblings, Found family

Romantic: Forbidden, Fake dating, One-sided(not actually) pining, Enemies to lovers or enemies to enemies who happen to kiss, Rivals

and many more! I’d love to hear your ideas and plots you’re interested in!

Fandoms List, including the characters I’m interested in writing either as or against and preferred gender pairs if we do ships:

-Stranger Things(Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers, Argyle, MxM)

-Star Wars(Anakin Skywalker, MxF though I’m totally down for some forbidden MxM)

-Baby(Niccolò Govender, Brando, Carlo, no pref on gender pairs)

-Harry Potter(Mostly interested in sub-fandoms (cough cough, Slytherin Boys cough cough please don’t get the pitchforks and torches out)

-Deadly Class(Marcus Lopez)

-Scream franchise(Charlie Walker, Robbie Mercer, Trevor Sheldon, Ethan Landry)

-Life as a House(Sam Monroe)

.

[avatarskywalker78]

It's a (belated) Six Sentence Sunday and I've been in a Miyagi-verse mood - mainly Cobra Kai but I also recently rewatched the first film which got me thinking about ideas for the Nicky Connors series (which really need a boost and I apologise for the slowness of things) so I've written some things!! First off a snipper from the 'Tory is a Barnes AU'!! In which Sarah visits the Nichols home to find a certain someone arguing with Tory about Miguel - after Tory points out that the only person in the wrong at the part was her ex.

“Don’t you say that about him—”

“I’ll say what I damn well like” She retorted, gripping the doorframe. “Because it’s the truth! Because we’re all responsible for what happened that day and if Miguel hadn’t felt entitled over her his whole rivalry with Keene wouldn’t even have started in the first place. Two people were hospitalised, Hawk, and one of them wasn’t even part of this.”

“Then she should’ve stayed out of the way. And Miguel’s why I’m here, Tory – we need to get revenge on Miyagi-Do for what they did—”

“That’s funny,” Sarah interrupted, “because I could’ve sworn that Miyagi-Do had shut down and the person responsible for Diaz’s injury was serving time in juvie so they are paying for what they’ve done. Unless, of course, you’re using that as a justification.”

“Who the fuck are you?!” He squared up to her. “Stay out of this, bitch.”

“Stop harassing people and I will, dickhead.”

Unfortunately for him, Sarah Barnes is very much the 'find out' to his 'fuck around' so this does not go so well for him.

Next up a snippet from 'to make new friends (and set things straight), the Elaine & Sam friendship fic and a sequel to my other fic to make things right (defending others)!

“You’re already his legacy because you’re his kid.” Elaine told her. “That’d be like if my parents started trying to get me to work in the furniture store or take it over – it’s not gonna happen, I’d resent being pushed into it and it would just foster bad feelings in the future.”

“He’s not mentioned his workplace.”

“Same thing applies though, doesn’t it?”

“…I guess so. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he just doesn’t listen, as always…”

That bitterness was there again, and Elaine frowned.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s he done? Aside from all this about you being his karate heir and that.”

Sam's still pissed over what Daniel said to Robby, and after finding out about it Elaine's not surprised - a parent being protective is one thing, but saying such hurtful words to a kid you supposedly trusted enough to take in is another thing entirely.

I've also worked a little bit on my Nicky Connors Part 4 (or possibly Part 5, depending) - this is not long after Johnny introduces Nicky to the Cobras and it seems like it's gonna be a relatively peaceful lunch...until Milly, Nicky's apparent nemesis, appears.

Alright, so, the thing was: Johnny was still not entirely sure as to the cause of her beef with Nicky.

He’d assumed it was something to do with their class differences – Milly was Hills like him and the Cobras whereas Nicky was…well, actually, he wasn’t quite sure, but certainly from the less affluent part of town, yet it seemed to be more than that. Not jealously over her proximity with the Cobras because she already had a boyfriend, and so far as he knew she’d been the one to start this, and Nicky refused to take it lying down…

It could simply be she’d taken a dislike to her. Girls could be strange like that – sometimes they needed no reason at all, and so far it hadn’t gotten physical. It was insults and snide remarks flung at each other in passing – though he always had the impression Nicky would dearly love to tip a tray up on her.

Milly's not really going to be a major character and her rivalry with Nicky is not on the same level as some of the others in this franchise - in this case Johnny's gotten close to the truth in that Milly just doesn't like her at all.

Tagging (let me know if you want to be added or removed): @shrinkthisviolet @starstruckpurpledragon @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @ofbriarandrose

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Nancy Spudgen

Absolutely love this woman and I’ve just done a podcast on my Spotify and cherry info dump, please feel free to listen about how strong women are often degraded and major feel not good and Nancy features in his episode along with Courtney Love Margot Robbie and many of us, to get it right otherwise it’s not right and I’d put a video recently as well on my TikTok about how much people hated Nancy and describing it and I honestly feel and I’m not just rubbing this in that if people got which is just describe me and many people would hate me also, I have just been by my neighbours selling math which is a drug. We don’t even get over here., I literally leave my house twice a week to go to the pharmacy with my mother and my my mother is the one who helps me. I support dogs also., in fact I told my landlord I was assaulted here at the time I said can I have a new property? Can I go somewhere else? He didn’t help me and maybe, but the other neighbours haven’t been here as long as he’s never had a problem with me at all I’ve never given him anything to be annoyed about. It’s just my paranoid neighbour, hasn’t been here for months and then not my face but I have always had this thing thing where I can tell when people don’t like me and it is quite often which is, and this is how I feel. Nancy must’ve felt a lot of her life maybe Nancy didn’t care but I guess deep down that she probably did I mean she was a deep Pisces a double Pisces at that Pisces rising and Pisces with a Gemini moon, this woman suffered whole life and she only lives till 20 she said she even predicted the fact that she wouldn’t live past the 21st birthday🌑 and her mother even knew that she wasn’t, she was born into this world where the mother couldn’t hold her for days born with the umbilical cord wrapped round her neck and which caused brain damage, and then these men from the UK who are working class have the right to this woman some skank who comes from middle-class Jewish background not that I’m saying classes to do with it but it’s just the irony of it,

Her family in fact especially her mum because I’ve read her book were disgusted by wishes they didn’t think he was talented at all and I tend to agree with him. He is not a very talented musician in fact Courtney Love and being a talented version of silly Nancy Nancy is talented in the way of spotting things and realising things are going to be a success so she would’ve made a good manager and like business woman if she’s gone down a different path or even in the music industry it doesn’t have to be she had it where her mind was behind her body so she got talk guitar and she found it really frustrating because she couldn’t because her mind was behind her body. Her body was growing fast as a child scream murder literally every day and when her youngest sibling came along which was another girl she absolutely hated it and treated the younger sibling really bad! then she had a younger brother so she actually didn’t treat that badly. Maybe it was because he was a boy. I’m not too sure but the household get her away because it was just easier than having to go through her mood swings anyway once she moved to the UK, they barely saw her. They spoke to her on the phone every day and she was very close to her mother.

But from the ages of about 19 she was just gone that was it they did see her back-and-forth and when they said at night she moved to New York Nancy being from Philadelphia they did see them from time to time but said what a bad way they were she said talks about one time how they met met them on the train platform and how everybody was staring at them and they looked really out of place. They both like translucent and really white and they just didn’t look very well and everyone was staring at them and they weren’t even aware of it at the time. She said that Nancy said we’re just like any other couple and that said try to act like her son and called her mother., himself didn’t have a very good mother, his mother was a drug addict and his drug dealer. A lot of the time gets blamed for her addiction but one he’s older and his mother was already an addict so people will get your stress and read. I can’t live like this anymore by Deborah Spudgen

[angstyandromanticwriting]

‘Louisiana Rose’ (an OC) X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Prompt

• Rose’s face-claim is Margot Robbie as Nellie Laroy

• Inspired partly by Daisy Jones & The Six

!TW: Accidental cheating (in a relationship), implied suffering from depression + separation anxiety + anxiety + self-doubt, self put-down(s), implied substance abuse (with alcohol) + being addicted to it + using it to try and commit suicide, implied sexual occurrence, hints of facing homophobia, implied being violently threatened, implied wanting to die, implied being previously abandoned by parents, being sick, unconsciousness, suffering a near-death experience + mention of a previous near-death experience; of previously being shot in a murder attempt, implied previously self-harming + trying to commit suicide, swearing, having a nightmare, failed suicide attempt - If I’ve missed any, let me know ❤️!

“Y-Y/n, wait - please!” Rose cried, but you wouldn’t stop walking toward the entrance of the hotel; you’d just found out from Suki that she and Joel had been together, the night before, and you could only imagine the worst in terms of what they were doing in his room, together. “J-Just look at me, and - and let me explain what happened last night; it’s not what you think, I swear-”

“I never want to - want to look at you again,” you hissed, your voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and Rose would falter, a hurt look on her face, “n-nor do I ever want to speak to you again.”

“So that’s it? You’re just leaving, because Suki told you that she saw me and Joel going into his room, last night? She couldn’t have known what was going on, either - you realise that, right?” She reminded you, but you found you couldn’t shake your doubt from your mind, especially when you believed yourself to be nothing, compared to her, and couldn’t imagine someone as perfect as her ever wanting to spend the rest of their life with you. “Y/n, please-”

“It’s not just because of that,” you retorted, before sharply turning to face her, and Rose would stop before she could bump into you, a pained expression on her face whilst tears threatened to escape her eyes, and sobs threatened to escape her; she couldn’t believe that this was happening, and wished she could take back the time to stop what had happened between her and him happening after she’d got drunk during the party Rod had thrown to celebrate the band’s completion of another album, “it’s also because you weren’t there when I needed you most - y-you stayed here with him, whilst-.. whilst I-.. I was..”

“That’s another thing - where even were you last night?” She questioned, and you would falter, before bowing your head whilst a lump would begin to form in your throat, and tears would begin to stream down your cheeks. “You left, a-after that fight we had-.. and-.. a-and then-.. you never came back, until this morning,” she recalled dejectedly, whilst wondering why she’d let the fight go on like it had - maybe it wouldn’t have ended with you storming out and disappearing for the rest of the night, and majority of the morning, “I was worried about you, I thought-.. I thought someone had hurt you, o-or that-.. you’d maybe - hurt yourself-..”

“You can’t have been that worried,” you uttered, and Rose would grimace over at you; she couldn’t believe that you were being like this, right now, and wondered if you’d recently had a drink, or two - something likely as you’d been drinking a lot more recently, “I mean - you were happy enough to get drunk, and to sleep with Joel-”

“How can you be so certain that I actually slept with him?” She pried, her voice managing to crack a little whilst she did, because she was certain - herself - that she had, and hated herself for it, though she couldn’t actually remember doing so, recalling only that she’d ended up waking up naked in his bed.

“Because you’re not convincing me otherwise,” you answered, “and even if you tried - I’d know that you were lying because I know you, Rose, and I know that someone as perfect as you could never truly be happy with a nobody like me.”

Rose would appear shocked, whilst her heart sank and would ache excruciatingly alongside your’s; she couldn’t believe that you had been thinking stuff like that, and that you’d been trying to hide it from her all this time, no doubt hurting yourself whenever you found yourself putting yourself down like that. “Y-Y/n, no, that’s not-”

“Here,” you would take off the ring she’d given you the night after she and Joel had had to marry one another to throw the press’ scent off of you both being together; something viewed as widely disagreeable at the time, due to you both being two women in love with one another, “you can have it back.” She would shake her head gravely whilst you delicately closed her right hand over it, and she would subconsciously hold your own right hand in her left one, prompting you to falter, and to appear crestfallen whilst you glanced down at her hand holding your’s, before you looked up at her again, and would manage to free your hand from her’s. “I should go,” you murmured, “the train’s probably.. probably leaving soon, and I can’t miss it-”

“No,” she whined, inching closer to you, but you would move away before she could get any closer, disheartening her further whilst stray tears began to slowly run down her cheeks, prompting you to feel worse, but you would try and fight back the guilt that you were currently feeling by reminding yourself of how she was better off, without you, and would be happier, as well as safer from the threats of the press, if you left, and never came back, “d-don’t leave, please - Y/n, I - I love you, I-.. I need you; I can’t do this without you; if I lost you again, I-.. I honestly don’t - don’t know what I’d do-..”

You would shake your head, before looking away from her again, finding you couldn’t take the pain which grew to be more and more excruciating whenever you allowed your gaze to meet her’s. “Don’t worry,” you mustered, though you knew you’d probably break down, soon, if you tried to continue any longer than you currently were, “I’m sure you’ll find another bassist, soon enough, ‘cause I quit, if that wasn’t already obvious. Goodbye, Rose - I hope you and Joel’ll be happy together.”

You would then make to walk away again, and Rose would rush after you; she couldn’t let you go; couldn’t live without you again as it was painful trying to do so whenever she had had to, before. “You can’t go-!” She continued shakily, and you would draw in a shaky breath whilst a strained sob would fight to escape your lips again. “I mean - where would you even stay?” She asked, and you would shrug, not sure, but you’d find somewhere, remembering - then - the small hut you’d both found in the woods close to her family’s home, and you would wonder if it was still there, though you knew it would hurt you to see it again, and to be reminded of how you both used to be together. “Y/n-”

“I’ll find somewhere,” you interjected weakly, and Rose would shake her head again hastily, desperate for you to stay with her, and to give her another chance to prove to you that she loved you more than anything; more than she could ever love herself, as well as to prove that her night with Joel meant nothing to her, “I don’t even know why you’re worrying-”

“You know why I am,” she retorted, “I’m worried about you because I love you, Bassey, a-and - I can’t imagine my life without you in it-”

“Rose-!” A different voice would sound out, and you would scowl, guessing Joel had heard the commotion, and had decided to check it out, himself. “Let her go, for God’s sake,” he instructed, after managing to wrap his arms around Rose’s waist, and she would panic, struggling against him; she couldn’t let you go again, like she’d had to after her family had found out about her association with you when you were both smaller, “she only makes things worse for us-”

“I’m not losing her again-!” Rose cried, but he wouldn’t let her go, even after she’d tried to kick at him, and failed miserably whilst he began to drag her back inside to the others like Rod had instructed him to do; Rod feared that the situation would only be made worse, if Rose went after you, and hoped that maybe by stopping her, you would change your mind, and eventually come back to them. As soon as you would both find that you couldn’t see each other anymore, you would allow yourselves to break down, unable to hold it back anymore whilst you sobbed uncontrollably, and you would have to lean heavily against the wall hiding you from view to the right of the hotel’s entrance; you feared you would collapse, if you kept going, feeling much too numb to be stable, and the pain was radiating throughout your whole body to the point you found yourself wishing you could just collapse, curl up, and die on the spot, not wanting to live with the pain of being away from her, and being discriminated against for being a lesbian. Once you’d come to terms with that being impossible, you would decide to try and do something which would bring you closer to death, dragging yourself toward the bar in hopes that you drinking some more would finally end the pain for both you, and Rose, though of course it only ended up making things worse, and didn’t have the outcome you had been hoping it would.

🜚

After you’d been kicked out of the bar, evidently drunk, and refusing to leave, you would sink down against the wall outside whilst you began to cry, feeling numb again; no amount of drink could rid you of the pain you’d been experiencing, recently - only Rose could make you feel like were okay again; like you weren’t broken, but you knew that - if you did end up going back to her - you would only make things worse for her, and you couldn’t let that happen; you wanted only for her to be happy, like she deserved to be, and you knew for a fact that you couldn’t do that for her. “Y/n-?” A familiar voice would sound out, and you would hesitantly lift your head after you’d brushed away your tears to the best of your ability to find a blurry figure of Claire - one of Alice’s friends, and Alex’s girlfriend that you’d met recently in the very same bar you were currently outside of, and most likely suspended from for your excessive drinking, and abuse of alcohol.

“Claire-? Thank God you’re here - a-are the others with you?” You inquired barely audibly, your words slurring a little, and Claire would crouch down in front of you, frowning when she noticed that you’d evidently been crying quite a bit as she - like the others - hated seeing you upset, as whenever you were like this you tended to appear quite depressed, as well as suicidal.

“Not today, unfortunately,” she answered, “Alex is at work, and Alice is sick, s-so it’s just me.”

“Oh,” you responded, before appearing puzzled, “I didn’t know that you drink, too; you didn’t touch a drop at all, the day I met you and the others.”

She would grin, before nodding. “No, I - er - I suppose I don’t drink, really,” she clarified, and you would appear surprised, wondering how she coped if ever she found herself in pain.

“Do you turn to drugs, then?” You pried, and Claire would appear taken aback, before hastily shaking her head.

“God, no,” she answered, “d’you know what - or who - helps me?”

“N-Not really,” you mustered dejectedly whilst you stared down at your currently trembling, and too pale hands to hide that you were trying not to break down again; you could guess what the answer to her question might be, but it was too painful to think that you should return to Rose, and make her life a living hell again just to make yourself feel okay again by sticking to her side like you longed to do, more than anything, right now, and it hurt you even more to be reminded that you couldn’t, if you wanted her to be happy again, which you did, and always would, no matter what ended up occurring between you both.

“Alex,” she stated, whilst a soft smile would begin to play on her lips at the thought, and mention of her, prompting your heart to sink whilst you began to think of Rose again, “she’s always been my safe place, and don’t get me wrong; we have had our rough patches, but-.. we always make up, because we know that we belong together, and that we could never love anyone else the way that we love each other; could never be as happy as we are when we’re together with anyone else.”

“Rose called you and told you what happened, didn’t she?” You guessed, and Claire would hesitate, not sure if she should tell you, or not, as Rose hadn’t told her whether she should, or shouldn’t do so. “She told you she cheated on me?” You pried, and Claire would falter, shocked. “I’ll take that as a no,” you murmured, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, before you bowed your head again, and would find yourself struggling to hold yourself together again.

“N-No, she - she didn’t tell me that, but-..” Claire mused, not sure what to say, or to advise you to do, at first. “I don’t know, she - she sounded really upset, Y/n,” she recalled, “and I’ve never heard her like that, and I know I’ve not known her for a long time l-like you have, but.. I don’t think she meant it.” You would hesitantly glance up at Claire, a doubtful look on your face. “She-.. erm - also wanted me to tell you that she loves you, and that she always will, n-no matter what you decide to do,” she informed, and you couldn’t help, but allow a strained sob to escape your lips; you felt too weak, and unstable to fight back your emotions any longer, prompting Claire to try and provide comfort to you by easing you into a hug, and you would bury your face into her left shoulder whilst you cried quietly, and would subconsciously cling to her jacket as if you feared possibly sinking deeper into the ground; into your depression after the events that had recently occurred following Rose and Joel’s marriage.

“She shouldn’t,” you managed shakily, “she should hate me - h-how can someone - someone as perfect as her l-love someone like me? I don’t understand it-”

“What do you mean? Y/n, there’s nothing wrong with you,” Claire interrupted, and you would scoff, before gravely shaking your head, “it’s true; you shouldn’t be thinking like that.”

“How can’t I, w-when that’s the way I’ve been made to feel ever since I was born?” You retorted, after freeing yourself from Claire’s embrace, and she would frown, evidently worried about you again. “M-My parents were right in giving me up like they did,” you uttered, “I’m - I’m just a freak-”

“That’s not true,” she further contradicted, and would continue before you could protest any further, “look - I think I should get you back to the hotel; you need to sleep this off, and sober up a bit-”

“No-!” You cried suddenly, and would clumsily force yourself to your feet, Claire immediately getting up after you had. “If - If I go back, I’ll just make things worse for Rose again,” you whined, and Claire would shake her head whilst she tried to stabilise you by holding you at arm’s length, “please don’t make me go back-”

“Make things worse? Y/n, she wants you to go back,” Claire reminded you gently, and you would shake your head again, whilst your panic began to dissolve into dizziness and nausea, “hey - are you okay?” You found you couldn’t answer, leaning heavily against her whilst you would stammer feebly, and wonder if you were about to be sick. “Y/n-?” Claire pried, whilst she tried not to panic alongside you.

“You - You need to go,” you managed, before trying to walk away from her, relying heavily on the wall to your left side whilst Claire followed closely behind you, “I don’t need - need help.” You would then stop whilst your ears began to ring a little, and vision would slowly begin to blacken. “W-Wait, no,” you whined again in your moment of hysteria and panic, “where’s - where’s Rose? I need Rose-” You then couldn’t hold it back as you threw up, and Claire would wince, wasting no time to hold you up as she feared you would end up collapsing, which you would not too long after you’d begun, but Claire had managed to keep hold of you after you’d appeared to go limp, and had undoubtedly fallen unconscious, breathing quite faintly and weakly whilst your heart seemed to be struggling to continue, and its beats to be gradually slowing down quite dangerously, so instead of the hotel, Claire would hurriedly carry you to a hospital, effectively saving your life, though you would have rather died - like you’d been intending to do drinking as much as you had in the first place - to make Rose happy again by ridding her of the pain - and freeing her of you - as you believed you had been causing her pain ever since you’d first met her, and fallen deeply in love with her.

🜚

Not too long after that moment, you would find yourself beginning to stir in a too-bright hospital room, your vision blurry whilst you winced; the intensity of the lights was overwhelming, and you would find yourself beginning to panic again, wondering if you were dead, or on death’s door, but you would relax instantly upon finding that someone’s arms around around you, and you would be surprised to find that it was Rose; she’d rushed down to the hospital as soon as Claire had called her to tell her about what had happened. “Rose,” you whispered shakily, and she would then begin to stir alongside you upon hearing your voice, at first worrying that maybe she had just imagined hearing it, until she would notice that you had awoken, and weren’t ‘gone’ like she feared you would be; like the doctor had warned you might ‘disappear’ during the night, and never wake up again - your lungs had been weak ever since you’d been brought in, and you were relying on being hooked up to machines to keep your heart beating whilst you could only manage barely audible, and small breaths after you’d consumed more alcohol than you ever had, before, in one sitting.

A strained sob would then manage to escape Rose’s lips whilst she sat up a little, and would smile feebly down at you; she was evidently elated to find that you were okay, after she’d been spending every second before this moment worrying and crying for Rod to let her go after you. “You’re okay!” She chimed, her voice briefly trembling, and barely audible whilst her heart began to race alongside your’s, before she leaned down to kiss you, but you would manage to speak again, before she could, faltering whilst you dejectedly stared longingly up at her, wondering why things had gone wrong again, like they already had so often before.

“Kissing me won’t make this go away; t-this pain,” you murmured, and Rose would frown, before appearing guilty again, recalling what had happened before you’d left, prompting her heart to begin aching excruciatingly alongside your’s as a result of the memory, “but-.. I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You weren’t doing anything wrong: you’re-.. married to him, anyway, so-.. I’m so sorry-”

“No,” Rose interjected gently, whilst she affectionately connected her forehead to your’s, not wanting you to feel as if you were to blame or what had happened, earlier, “I-.. it should be.. it should be me apologising, Bassey.. I am the one in the wrong, not you-”

“No, Rose, that’s not-”

“I shouldn’t have let it happen,” she mused weakly, “I’m so sorry, Y/n, I-.. I love you, a-and I swear I - I didn’t mean for it to happen, I just-.. he means nothing to me, nothing-”

You would nod gravely whilst your heart would suffer further after being hit by yet another pang of sadness, though you weren’t sure why, reminding yourself of how you’d been worried about this happening for a while, now, due to how you believed you were nothing, compared to her, and always had been; that you’d never truly be good enough for her; never truly make her happy the way you longed to, and had been longing to ever since you’d first met her whilst you both had been smaller many years ago, now. “So it’s true?” You interrupted faintly, and Rose would fall quiet whilst tears began to stream down her cheeks; she couldn’t bear to see you like this, especially when she knew that it had been her who had upset you, when all she’d ever wanted was to make you happy. “You.. You did sleep with him,” you clarified, and she would then break down further whilst she began to sob softly into your left shoulder, wishing she could take back the time again to stop the events of the previous night from occurring the way that they had.

“W-Well - I can’t remember, but-.. I just.. feel like I did,” she answered truthfully, “I only remember waking up in - in his bed, n-naked, and I hate myself for it; I hate myself for hurting you, b-but I swear I’ll never let myself even go near his room anymore, a-and I’ll never let myself get drunk around him again-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Rose,” you expressed, and she would appear worried again, terrified of losing you, “c-can’t-.. watch you and him together anymore, o-or be reminded of.. of how you’re.. n-not mine anymore. It’s painful enough remembering; waking up and thinking about how - even if we wanted m-more than anything to - we’ll never be able to get married, now, ourselves, i-if they ever eventually decided that we could, because you’re-.. you’re with him, now, and probably won’t ever want to divorce him, right? To - To protect us?”

“You don’t understand, Y/n,” she replied, “I can’t let them hurt you again; that - that guy shot you, and I almost lost you then, too, s-so - please just.. tell me what I have to do to fix this, w-without the press getting suspicious of us, because I can’t lose you Bassey, n-not again-”

“You have to choose, Rose,” you stated, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and Rose would falter again, a pained expression on her face whilst she waited anxiously to hear the options you were about to give her, “e-either you divorce him, and come with me to some place we can try and find where we know we’ll be accepted, and allowed to be together, or you stay, remain married to him and the band, and I go, o-once they finally release me from this place.”

She would shake her head hastily whilst more tears would be shocked out of her eyes, though her stunning icy blue eyes were already sore, but you would try and hide the guilt you were currently feeling, staring down at your hands in a crestfallen manner; you hated what you were doing to her, but knew that you’d soon end up dying, if things continued the way that they currently were, and couldn’t help, but hope that you would soon perish as you were certain - now - that she’d be happy, if you did, when she herself thought the complete opposite to you; she could never be happy, without you, but couldn’t imagine also giving up the band she’d fought hard to create her whole life; couldn’t imagine giving up her position as a singer - something she had always aspired to be, and had spent much time talking to you about when you were both much smaller and younger than you were, now. Nor could she ever imagine her life without you in it, however, and knew that if she did, the band; her position within it, and her life in general, wouldn’t be worth living or preserving any longer if she ever ended up losing you like she briefly had, a few years ago due to her family not wanting her to see you again, therefore forcing her to move away with them.

“Wait, so-.. to stay with you, I-.. I have to give everything up?” She mused dejectedly whilst you would stare ahead of you, fearing her answer, whilst also hoping she’d hate you for what you were doing, but she could never hate you, no matter what you posed upon her, because she knew that you were in as much pain as she was, and it was excruciating; if she were in your position, she knew that she would have most likely been trying to often hurt herself, trying to take her own life, or trying to get you to leave Joel as well as the band so you could both start again together, away from the others, and within a society in which you could both freely be together without being constantly threatened, and made to feel as if you didn’t belong just because of you both being within a same-sex relationship together; hated just because you were two women in love with one another.

“You don’t have to stay with me, if-.. if you don’t want to,” you reminded her, and she would shake her head; she couldn’t let you go again, and would hastily try and think of another way whilst she slowly wrapped her arms around you again so she could cradle you a little closer to her without affecting the machines which were currently keeping you alive, alongside the fact that her being with you was willing you to fight for a little longer, instead of encouraging you to give up, like you knew you would if you woke up to find that she were no longer by your side.

“But-”

“I just-.. miss your smile, s-so much,” you murmured, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she silently begged for you to change your mind; to give her another option which would allow her to keep the band going, whilst still allowing her to stay with you, too; to be with you freely like she longed to be, like you did, too, and knew you always would, no matter what she ended up deciding to do, “a-and it kills me because I-.. I know that it.. it was.. me who.. basically s-stopped you from smiling l-like you used to; you used to be so happy, a-and-”

“I’m still happy,” she interjected gently, “Y/n, I - I’m always happy whenever I’m with you, I swear; I love you-”

The door would then open, and Rose would nervously look over her shoulder, grimacing when she noticed that it was Joel who had decided to invade the room when he was far from welcome to do so. “Thought I should, erm-.. tell you something about last night, Louisiana - well.. I suppose it - obviously concerns both of you,” he uttered; Rod had obviously given him a stern talking to, recently, and you would scowl over at him.

“To think I actually trusted you for a little while-”

Joel would glare over at you whilst Rose tried to provide comfort to you by intertwining blissfully the fingers of her right hand with the currently too pale fingers of your left one. “I get it,” he spat, “I’m an asshole, Y/n, alright? But - w-we were both drunk, okay? Like - really drunk, a-and neither of us were really thinking about what we were doing, and I know-.. I shouldn’t have let it happen, or even encouraged it by buying us more drinks, a-and flirting with her a little bit, but-”

“Get to the point, already,” you muttered weakly, whilst you found yourself unwillingly imagining them together the night before whilst Rose was staring down at her left hand, wishing she’d never let it happen, and had gone out looking for you after you’d both fought, and you’d rushed out of the hotel; she couldn’t bear hearing the pain in your voice that you had been trying, and miserably failing to hide from them whilst you tried to stay strong for Rose, though she found she couldn’t imagine why, after what had recently occurred between her and Joel.

“Something scared me this morning, Rose - o-or rather, alarmed me,” he admitted, and she would look up at him, whilst she began to appear nervous, wondering what it could be that he was about to tell her, “a-as much as neither of us want it to be true, we did-.. y’know, last night.” You would tense up, whilst Rose would appear crestfallen again after you’d subconsciously eased your hand free from her’s as carefully as you possibly could to try and avoid accidentally physically hurting her by doing so. “A few people heard us, and - well-.. Rod’s mad at me, and Suki’s obviously mad at me,” he continued anxiously, evidently beating around the bush whilst you grew irritated at him trying to avoid what he was meant to be telling you both.

“Joel,” you hissed, weakly, as if you were about to break down again, prompting Rose’s heart to sink a little further.

“Alright-!” He retorted sharply whilst Rose grimaced over at him, and couldn’t believe how much she despised him, right now; she’d always disliked him, but recently she had found herself loathing him for everything he’d done to you both; for the way he had recently been treating you by rubbing the fact that he and her were married in your face, as well as by simply just picking on you more than he would ever pick on the others, excluding Suki who he supposedly had feelings for before, and currently after the events of last night. “Keep your fucking hair on for a minute,” he continued, and before Rose could insult him, he would continue to try and avoid her wrath in verbal form, “what I wanted to tell you both was that I-.. l-looked around the room, and.. and in all the bins, and - couldn’t find a condom, so-.. unless you were, or have been using anything like a pill, we weren’t using any protection last night.”

You wouldn’t know what to do, feeling empty and numb all of a sudden, as if everything within you had collapsed, leaving you with nothing, but an excruciating pain filling the void which used to be the space your heart had previously been residing in. “W-Wait,” Rose mustered shakily, “what? N-No, you - you’re lying; you can’t have not been using anything-”

“Tell that to my condomless apartment,” he replied, shrugging, whilst awkwardly shuffling on the spot, and Rose would try not to panic whilst she thought back to that night, and would try and recall if she had been using anything, herself, but it scared her because she was almost certain that she hadn’t, not that she could remember much at all about that night, especially not that part of it; the part in which she and Joel had supposedly hooked up. “So-? Were you using anything, or?” He pried, and Rose would subconsciously shake her head gravely whilst more tears managed to escape her eyes, trailing slowly down her cheeks whilst she considered what this might mean; she might end up finding herself to be pregnant, in a couple or so weeks time, and she was terrified. “Right,” he murmured, not sure what to do, now, whilst he hoped against hope that this wouldn’t result the way it easily could, as he’d been also able - not too long ago, now, to get Suki pregnant, too; they’d just not told anyone about the news, yet, and Suki wasn’t willing to do so any longer, after what had previously occurred, finding herself doubting that she could ever be able to trust Joel again. He would then suddenly and unexpectedly punch the wall with his right hand, startling you both whilst he would curse under his breath, clutching his fist. “Shit-!” He spat, before storming out of the room, and Rose wouldn’t know what to say, afraid of somehow managing to hurt you more, after what had just occurred, and been brought to light.

She would then glance over at you, her heart aching some more once she’d noticed that you were trying hard not to cry again, and she couldn’t take it, a strained sob managing to escape her lips whilst her face contorted. “Y-Y/n, I-”

“I guess I should stay,” you managed feebly, your voice briefly cracking whilst you bit down a little on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling whilst a lump formed in your throat, and tears would stream endlessly down your cheeks, “j-just for now, as-.. as long as you-.. you want me to - do you?”

“M-More than anything,” she answered, after lowering her hands; she’d briefly been crying into her hands after finding she couldn’t speak, for a moment; the pain, and newfound fear had been stopping her from doing so, “B-Bassey, I - I can’t tell you how sorry I am, I-”

“It’s not your fault,” you reminded her, your voice barely audible, and she would shake her head hastily, evidently longing to protest, but at the same time she was afraid of upsetting you any further than she already had, recently, “c-c’mere, Rose.” She would nod, wasting no time to inch closer to you so she could melt into your embrace, and return it as soon as she felt able whilst she buried her face into your right shoulder, and would sniffle against it whilst she proceeded to cry quietly; she couldn’t believe that this was happening, and that the situation had managed to possibly grow to be worse, though she wasn’t sure yet if she would end up finding herself pregnant with Joel’s baby. “You didn’t know it was gonna happen,” you reminded her, “J-Joel should have-.. have taken more responsibility than he did.” You would delicately stroke her hair, trying to provide further comfort to her as you hated seeing her upset, and you didn’t want her to feel as if she were to blame for what had happened to her. “Look, no - no matter what happens-.. Rose, I-..” You would fall quiet, doubting - for a moment - that she might want to hear you muster the three words, after what she’d just heard, when really she found herself longing to hear them from you, glancing up at you with wide and hopeful eyes, and you would appear surprised by her reaction, not expecting it. “I love you,” you blurted out, once your gaze had blissfully locked with her’s again, and she couldn’t help, but smile warmly over at you, before she leaned forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss whilst you eased her a little closer to you feebly to the best of your ability. “And I always will, no matter what,” you added in a voice close to a whisper, after pressing a delicate kiss to her forehead, and she would appear relieved, feeling much safer, and content again now that she were finally within your arms again.

“I - I love you, too,” she returned shakily, “and if you need time to forgive me f-for what happened, o-or if you find you can’t forgive me at all-”

“I forgave you ages ago,” you reassured her, “I could never stay mad, o-or upset with you, Rose, n-no matter what, nor could I ever blame you for anything; I love you too much to, a-and I can’t live without you, either. I’m so sorry; I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that earlier by giving you a choice like that-”

“No, Bassey,” she cooed, whilst she rested her head on your chest, and would press her face against your neck again in the best way possible, soothing you instantly, “I get why you did it, d-don’t apologise - just - just know that I’m never gonna let anything like what happened yesterday ever happen again; I - I can’t live without you again, it - it was painful last time, a-and I honestly can’t imagine my life without you in it - it terrifies me, but - as long as you’re with me, I’m happy, and I always will be, I promise.”

“I’m glad,” you managed, before wincing; your lungs were paining you a bit again, and Rose would frown, guessing that you were in pain.

“Do you want me to move-?” She inquired, and you would shake your head hastily, surprising her whilst she appeared uncertain, and worried that maybe she was the reason why something appeared to be paining you. “Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable,” she pried, and you would nod, desperate for her to continue holding you like she currently was.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” you managed, “I’m okay; I d-don’t feel any pain, at all, I promise; I’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I hope so,” she mused, “get some rest for me, Bassey, a-and we’ll see.”

You would then appear nervous, and she couldn’t help, but beam lovingly up at you, finding your current demeanour adorable, and you couldn’t help, but seem flustered whilst you began to blush, prompting her to smirk in response to your reaction. “Will - Will you stay-?” You asked, and she would appear surprised by your question, as well as flattered to find that you wanted her to stay.

“For as long as you want me to,” she cooed, and you would smile softly back at her, before nodding, and resting your head comfortably back on the pillow whilst she stroked your hair using her right hand again to soothe you.

“Goodnight, my beloved Louisiana Rose,” you whispered, and she would appear flustered, before smiling, and taking out the ring you’d returned to her so she could slowly and carefully slide it back onto your wedding finger, and your smile would instantly grow a little upon feeling it back on your finger, where it should be.

“Goodnight, my beloved Y/n L/n,” she returned, and you would then hesitantly allow your eyelids to flutter shut, though you wished you could spend awake every second of every day with her, before gradually beginning to drift off to sleep alongside her, but - like you had been a lot recently - you would shortly after find yourself stuck in yet another nightmare, only to wake up feeling as if you’d lost everything again.

•

In this very nightmare, you would find yourself watching Rose and Joel together after they’d found out that she was pregnant with his child, and you would falter upon noticing him wrapping his arms around her waist to affectionately feel the growing baby bump, prompting your heart to sink; you couldn’t stand seeing them together, especially after what had happened, recently, with them being married, and hooking up the night before. “Rose,” you whispered shakily, but it was like she couldn’t hear you; like you weren’t there. She wouldn’t even look at you, though you were now stood before them both after you’d rushed up to them, tears streaming down your cheeks; it was like you didn’t exist anymore. “Rose-? I’m here, why - why aren’t you looking at me?” You questioned, desperate for her to acknowledge you, but she would go on ignoring you, or not seeing you, as if you were invisible, prompting your heart to begin aching excruciatingly.

“She would have wanted this for us, Louisiana,” Joel spoke up, and you would grimace up at him, whilst Rose nodded slowly, though she appeared not sure whilst her bottom lip trembled, and eyes would glisten; she was trying not to cry, as if something bad had recently happened, and you would appear terrified all of a sudden, putting two and two together - something had happened to you, and you could be dead, or on death’s door. “She would want me to take care of you, from now on, now that she can’t,” he added, and Rose would nod again, before staring down at her feet whilst she began to cry quietly, unable to hold it back anymore, and you would shake your head hastily upon hearing that she had begun to cry.

“Rose,” you whined, before inching closer to her, but you found you couldn’t wrap your arms around her - instead, both her and Joel would disappear, and you would find yourself stood in an intensely bright hallway. You would look around you, and assumed you were in a hospital, tensing up immediately upon hearing that Rose was feebly crying out for help nearby. “Rose-!” You cried, before running down the hallway toward a slightly ajar door, only to find that Rose had fallen quiet, and appeared pale - too pale, and weak. There was also the ringing out of an unwavering sound mimicking her heart, and your blood would instantly run cold. “No,” you whispered shakily, “Rose, no!” You would then rush up to her again, staggering whilst you did; your legs were failing you, and knees felt weak whilst your whole body felt numb, and an excruciating pain was radiating throughout your body. “Please,” you begged, your voice briefly trembling whilst you held her now cold left hand in your currently shaky right one, and would lift your left hand up to her right cheek, “Rose-.. d-don’t go - I need you; I can’t do this without you - I - I love you so much, please!” You would then lean forward to delicately connect your lips to her’s, but she would remain motionless whilst you began to cry, wrapping your arms around her, but you would soon end up waking up whilst you cried, and shook violently within her arms as if you had truly lost her, and were in pain again.

“Y/n,” Rose cooed shakily, “it’s okay - I’m here! L-Look at me! I’ve got you, and I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise; you’re okay now.”

Upon hearing her voice, you would express relief, before turning, and throwing your arms around her whilst you sobbed uncontrollably into her left shoulder, and would subconsciously cling to her as if you were terrified that she might disappear if you let go of her. “A-Are-.. Are nightmares keeping you awake, too?” You inquired, and Rose would frown, before shaking her head, surprising you.

“N-No, I just-.. I was thinking about yesterday,” she admitted, and you would falter, your heart aching excruciatingly again as soon as you recalled what had happened, “you didn’t tell me where you went, before you came back in the morning.” You would then appear puzzled, as if you didn’t remember, when you did - you somehow recalled every second of that night; you’d had a few drinks down at the bar, and on the way to the alleyway you’d used to sleep in, crossed a bridge, and found yourself a moment after submerged in water, willing yourself to drown, but before you could you would find yourself being pulled out of the water by someone you hadn’t been able to identify. “A-And it’s just been bothering me,” she mused, staring ahead of her whilst she recalled how Suki had briefly come into the room to tell Rose about how she’d had to save you, last night, from drowning, “d-do you wanna talk about it?”

“I.. I don’t remember what happened,” you claimed, and she would frown, a hurt look on her face; she felt awful, and hated that you were trying to protect her by trying to hide what had happened from her.

“R-Really? Don’t you remember anything about what happened, at all?” She pried, and you would shake your head whilst you tried to hide your face from her again. “Y/n,” she continued gently, as well as weakly whilst she found herself trying not to cry alongside you, “y-you know I love you, right? M-More than anything - a-and I’m so sorry for everything that happened, I-”

“I know,” you reassured her, whilst affectionately connecting your forehead to her’s to try and provide comfort to her, “d-don’t worry; nothing of what happened yesterday was your fault-”

Rose would scoff, before shaking her head whilst you appeared worried, wondering if she had somehow found out about your attempt at drowning yourself, somehow. “I think it is my fault when my girlfriend, a-and love of my life tries to kill herself for what - what I-.. what I did,” she expressed dejectedly, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, and you would appear shocked, whilst more stray tears managed to escape your eyes, and to slowly trail down your cheeks.

“H-How did you-?” You mustered feebly, your voice cracking whilst you did, and Rose would draw in a shaky breath, before she bowed her head a little; she hated crying in front of you, knowing it would only upset you further to have you seeing her in this state.

“Suki,” she managed, “she - she told me-.. she saved you - I’m so sorry, Y/n, I - I shouldn’t have let it happen, I-”

“Rose-”

“I love you so much,” she continued, wishing she could go back in time to stop herself from hooking up with Joel again, “it’s only you for me, a-and I-.. I swear I’m never gonna let anything happen between me and Joel ever again, just - p-promise me that you’ll never - never try and take your life again, b-because I - I honestly can’t-..” She would then break down alongside you whilst she buried her face into the crook of your neck, uncontrollably sobbing whilst you tried to provide comfort to her by stroking her hair with your shaky right hand. “I can’t live without you, Y/n,” she concluded shakily, her voice close to a whisper, and you would begin to feel warm and fuzzy again, whilst you wondered how someone as perfect as her could ever love a supposed nobody like you.

“I’ll never do it again, I promise,” you tried to reassure her, “I love you too, Rose, a-and I could never live without you, either, I just.. I guess I just panicked when I saw the bridge, a-and I thought about you and h-how-.. how I thought that.. that maybe I’d.. lost you..”

She would realise, and a strained sob would manage to escape her lips whilst her heart felt as if it were sinking even lower, somehow. “You’ll never lose me,” she cooed, before lifting her right hand up to your left cheek, and you would instantly melt into her touch subconsciously, “it’s always gonna be you and me, Y/n, n-no matter what, I promise; I love you so much.” She would then lean forward to delicately connect her lips to your’s, prompting you to feel warm and fuzzy again, as well as fluttery, and more content than you had ever been, before. “D-Do you think you could try and get some more sleep, or-?” She inquired, and you would shrug, not sure if you should, or even could; you were afraid of having yet another nightmare again, and also didn’t want to sleep if she found that she couldn’t, alongside you. “Then we can just lie here together,” she mused, and you would nod hastily, “a-and I’ll try and stay awake for as long as I can whilst you’re awake-”

“No,” you whined, and Rose would tilt her head partially, “if you’re tired, Rose, you - you should get some sleep; t-today’s been - been long, for both of us, and I don’t want you to feel as if you have to stay awake for me-”

“I know I don’t have to,” she remarked, before smirking up at you, “but - I want to, and you’re not gonna get me to change my mind - so just try and get some sleep for me, and I’ll be awake right here if you need me.”

You would smile faintly up at her, before nodding, and connecting your forehead to her’s again whilst you rested your head comfortably back onto the pillow beneath it. “Goodnight, Rose,” you whispered, and she would smile softly over at you whilst she played with your hair using her right hand.

“Goodnight, Bassey,” she returned, and you would hesitantly allow your eyelids to flutter shut again, whilst Rose would remain awake beside you for most of the night, wondering why you were still here with her like you currently were; why you hadn’t kicked her out after what had happened, but she would vow - toward the end of the night - to try harder for you; to try and make things better for you as much as she possibly could as she hated upsetting you, and wanted to do all that she could to try and make you happy again, before she allowed herself to begin to drift off to sleep alongside you with only thoughts of your and her new possible future together circling her mind blissfully; things were going to start looking up, somehow, and she was determined to make that happen.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

[hexenmond]

Aaaahhh I’m very happy you like those poems! Yeah like I said, Frost’s a classic, you might actually know the last lines of “The Road Not Taken” from Dead Poets Society, if you’ve ever seen that film.

And I found the Rossetti! “Lady Lilith”, a picture with a poem inscribed. Old language of course but eh, I reckon one sonnet has to be in the collection…

I also kept other people’s lovely poems in between my own 🙃 found a lot of those earlier while a was digging for a fairly simple one that you might like, even if it’s German. It had eight short lines iirc, but I only remember two. I wrote that later, in my twenties, so after the big poetry craze, and I have no idea where I put it as it’s not with all the older ones. Oh well.

I also found some things I’d written which I totally did NOT remember at all! So that was wild 😂 piece of advice from an old person, keep all your writing in one place. Maybe a large box, just make sure you’ll find it again decades from now, it’ll be fun.

(I think my middle child is actually only a few months younger than you, but eh, whatever 😜)

Two more things I must introduce you to: #1, lyricline.org. It has poems in many many languages, including Turkish (but like I said I don’t understand much yet) – if you happen to come across a nice one there let me know! And what I love about that site is that many of the poems have a soundfile, where a real person reads them out. Also many translations.

And #2, recently I’ve found many interesting poems quoted in fanfic, and this one stuck with me, not least because it fits so beautifully into the story (and also the whole story is delightful, but maybe not simple to understand without canon knowledge). So have a snippet! Context: Hob (Robbie) and Morpheus have just found their friend Dana’s cat Minnie who’d been missing, and adopted a small kitten in the process, naming it Hope.

Morpheus, as it turned out, was not a maudlin drunk. His smiles came easier and were more plentiful than usual, and Hob was pretty sure that he had never seen him quite so carefree as he was then — save perhaps in sleep and moments of post-coital bliss. So relaxed was he that he eventually ended up back on the floor by the sofa when Hope woke again and felt like eating a bit more and playing with one of Minnie’s toys. Minnie herself was paying them little mind, watching only occasionally from her position at the top of the cat tree in the corner of the living room, but Morpheus’ full attention was on Hope and the befeathered ball on a string which he tauntingly dangled in front of the kitten.

As she hunched down and started inexpertly wiggling her hips, Morpheus whispered, “She sights a Bird — she chuckles — / She flattens — then she crawls — / She runs without the look of feet — / Her eyes increase to Balls — / Her Jaws stir — twitching — hungry — / Her Teeth can hardly stand —” Hope made a dash towards the toy, but Morpheus was too fast, tugging it upwards and out of her reach with a delighted smile. “Oh! She leaps, but Robin leaped the first — / Ah, Pussy, of the Sand,” He threw the toy aside and picked up the kitten, holding her up to his eye level with an exaggerated pout of sympathy as he said, “The Hopes so juicy ripening — / You almost bathed your Tongue — / When Bliss disclosed a hundred Toes — / And fled with every one —” He gave her a scratch between the ears and smiled again. “Better luck next time, little one. We will make a huntress of you yet.”

“Well, congratulations, Robbie,” Dana said, holding out her glass in a toast to Hob, who had a hard time tearing his eyes from the entrancing scene on the floor, “You’ve hit the jackpot.”

“I don’t disagree,” he replied, raising his own glass of water to clink against hers, which was still filled with wine, “but do elaborate.”

“You’ve managed to bag a bloke who plays with kittens and perfectly quotes Emily Dickinson after he’s had a couple of drinks instead of— I don’t know, climbing onto rooftops or picking fights in the street or something. The ideal man, truly.”

(quoted from the fabulous Dreamling fic This Dream Is Over (Another Has Begun) by @signiorbenedickofpadua, chapter 19)

Okay so, poetry favourites! Your question prompted me to dig around in my ooooold notebooks (teenage me was obsessed with poetry and quite pretentious too). I didn’t find what I was looking for but something else which I’m going to turn into a post. But also I will say that my teenage self liked Robert Frost enough to learn three of his poems by heart, and I know them to this day. It started with “Fire & Ice” which was in my English class book (year 9 I think?).

And then there’s “Dust of Snow” and “The Road Not Taken”, which are both classics of course. But I still like them very much.

I also still know Rossetti’s “For a picture”, didn’t find that online at first glance though. And it’s old. I will type it out if you’re interested though!

– Aaaaaand I got interrupted by my middle child who wanted some help with her assignment and prompted me to rant about social media and Meta and Musk and the Fediverse and how technology is highly political these days, and now I absolutely have to run. Will be back with more!

we are twinning in that i asked for people's favorite poems to see if i liked any of them enough to write them in my mixed bag poetry notebook (mixed bag cuz half of them are our poems and half of it is others')

interestingly, we got two replies (one of them being you) and both of them have robert frost in them. who's that guy and why have i not heard of him LOL

answering the rest of the ask by reading the poems as i go:

okay that fire & ice poem is SO GOOD?? WHAT. its short but it wouldnt be as good if it was longer. WHOEVER IS READING THIS GO READ THAT ONE I PROMMY IT'S WORTH HALF THE MINUTE IT WILL TAKE YOU.

dust of snow is so nice ouuuuu i love it <3333 it's like. hm. it reads in the tone/way sayori (our headmate, not the character) likes to write poems i think. but like i dont know much about poetry actually so i might be wrong fhehfhdh

the road not taken is also really nice and also took me three reads to comprehend for some reason. sometimes i remember english isnt my native language when stuff like this happens LOL.

(also you saying "[...] are classics, of course". meanwhile me, who hasnt heard of robert snow or any of these poems until today: •_•)

i found more than one "for a picture"s by rosetti when looking it up and i wasnt sure which one it was so i can't comment on that one ^^; would love it if you typed it out or pointed me in its direction fhdh!!!

also JDBEJFBJFHFJ my gawd. i keep forgetting you have children. looking forward to you coming back with more!!!!!!! also sounds like an interesting rant fjehrj

[daggersandarrows]

i’m having a lot of feelings about seeing more people of color on critical role. i have spent so long both consciously and subconsciously working to appear white. i was raised “white”, i was taught to conform in the exact same breath that i was taught to speak. (quite literally--spanish was not spoken around the house except as a secret; trini slang only comes out when my mother gets very emotionally heightened. i speak like a white person, because for me to learn spanish was for me to “reject the gifts of america”, and people can’t understand my mom unless she adopts her deliberate american accent).

i’ve spent so long learning that this was the only way to acceptance; you pretend to be the same, you take every single microagrression, every single “of course it was two black girls ‘working’ when i got there, standing around and talking no doubt”, every stranger putting a hand in your hair, every “jesus, speak english”, and you pretend you don’t see it, you don’t hear it, you don’t feel it.

you pretend you approve. and that’s the only way to stay safe. that’s the only way to move up in the world. “sticks and stones” was repeated so often in my household that we only needed to hear the first three words to know what mom meant. “sticks and stones”. you’re getting too worked up about racism again, remember, just pretend you’re fine and you will be.

you are invisible, you are fine.

i consume content made only by white people because why would i consume anything else? if my goal is to blend in perfectly why would i look for stories that speak to me about the part of me that i’m doing my damndest to hide?

i made the mistake of stumbling into creators who love themselves enough not to hide. i felt almost betrayed, watching aabria dm for exu. no one ever told me it was possible to sink your teeth into that kind of gentrification-critical worldbuilding, to say it with your whole chest, and not...immediately get ostracized by all your white friends?

(to be clear: i know matt’s doing something very similar in c3, and that’s great. but it is inherently different to say that kind of thing without fear when you’re a poc.)

it’s nothing huge or obvious, but the unapologetic claim that the cast holds on their identity is simply indescribably touching to me. when i was a kid i badly wanted to be “a punk”, and in my mind this was obviously just a white person thing--how could it have been anything else? it was all i saw. super pale skin and stick straight hair was a requirement. so i tried to make myself whiter. staying inside in the summer and spending hours straightening and damaging my hair. i squashed myself into this ill fitting box because it never occurred to me that i could be both black and punk.

and that sort of continued as i got older. cosplays were all model-esque white people. how could i be both hispanic and a cosplayer? how could i be (someone who rode horses, liked video games, was a nerd, a theater kid, hell, someone who fucking enjoyed themself in any way outside of the very specific stereotypes i was given to act out)?

to see aabria dming, playing a high powered and highly emotional woman, mica’s cosplays and her riding adventures--mica playing a literal angel (black angels, guys! how many black angels have you seen outside of the past five years?), aimee playing a character with questionable morals and cool hair, khary playing a disabled character who also somehow just gives off raw sex appeal?, robbie playing a socially awkward, soft, affectionate guy with an appreciation for fancier stuff, erika’s gender fluidity and sheer enthusiasm for everything (getting too excited wasn’t cool, it was too “white”, an actual thing my mother said to me--i know, double standard), anjali’s mixed affection and exasperation as a sibling figure, and more recently lou and luis...i didn’t have this stuff as a kid. i wasn’t allowed to see myself as anything but one dimensional, so i had to alter myself to either fit that one dimension, or pretend to be who i wasn’t so people would accept that i had more than 2-3 emotions and character traits.

i wasn’t aware that it was possible, to be any of this without flattening myself. i wasn’t aware that there were white people out there who wouldn’t immediately hate you for unapologetically existing in their space without squashing yourself into their box.

[rebelliousstories]

I’ll Never Forget You

Relationship: Robert “Bob” Floyd x Adelaide “Honey” Corbin OC

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Warnings: Slight Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 1,481

Part of the Young Love and Old Money Series

Chapter 10//Chapter 12

Main Masterlist: Here

Summary: No matter how far you stray from people you love, eventually, you find your way back to them.

January 1st, 2018

Another year, another party. If there was one thing that the Navy knew how to do, it was throw a New Year’s party. Bob was sitting and observing his co workers who were drinking and having fun. He checked his watch; 3:00 AM. Three hours into the new year and he was wishing he was home. Holidays just didn’t feel the same here in Washington versus home. For starters it was actually freezing outside, versus the cool forty degrees outside in his home town. He decided that it was finally time to turn in for the night, so Robert bid his farewells and left the party.

He walked to his barracks and enjoyed the cold night air. His mind drifted to his family and what they were doing this day. Tomorrow was going to be back at work for him, but tonight he could just be himself. As Bob made his way back, he admired the snow falling around him. Even after living there for six months, he couldn’t get over the snow and the cold.

The warm building was a stark contrast to the outside. Bob pulled his coat off, and made his way over to the communal coffee pot in the common area. He was going to need a tea if he wanted any chance of going to bed. The tea was brewing, and all he wanted was to go to bed. Once he finally had his drink, Robert went to his room only to discover a letter on his bed. It was from his parents. Someone must have delivered the mail while he was out for the day. Anyways, he eagerly tore open the envelope to see what awaited him. But the handwriting wasn’t that of his mother, father, or even his siblings. No this was handwriting he hadn’t seen in almost seven years.

Dear Robby,

I know I haven’t spoken to you in years. But I need your help. I’m trapped.

~

October 23rd, 2017

One of the few times Adelaide was allowed off of her leash, and could go where she pleased was when she went off to the bookstore. It was her favorite place to be in the world. There was no one to bother her, ask her invading question, or even expect anything out of her. She was allowed to be herself. On this particular day, Adelaide found refuge in the bookstore to get away from her husband. The questions about children, and her family just became to much.

She needed out, in more ways than one. Stuck in an unhappy, loveless marriage. Stuck in the same old town with no one that likes her here. All she wanted was out, but the universe wasn’t that kind. It kept her here, in this sad town, with people that couldn’t care less about her. The only reason her husband cared was because she came with a hefty dowry as the last available daughter of the Corbin family.

“Addie? Is that you, hun?” A soft, sweet voice touched her ears. The young woman in question pulled her nose out of the book she held, and saw a woman that she never expected to see again. Mindy Corbin. Her mouth hung open for a minute or two, in utter disbelief of what she was seeing. Why was she willingly coming up to Adelaide.

“Oh Addie. It is you darling!” Mrs. Floyd exclaimed, coming closer to the young girl. Adelaide stood up quickly, and was promptly tackled by the older woman. Mindy squeezed Adelaide tightly. She didn’t know what to do.

“It’s good to see you, Mrs. Floyd.” She was still a little confused as to what was happening. The older woman pulled back sharply.

“It’s Mindy to you, hun. You know this. My God. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen ya, baby.” Mindy took her time looking over Adelaide. The younger woman looked beautiful for her age, but there was something older and more pessimistic in her eyes.

~

I met with your momma recently. She’s just as gorgeous and sweet as ever. I wonder where you get that from?

~

“Right. Sorry Mindy. But yes, it’s been almost ten years since I’ve seen you in person.” Adelaide gestured for Mindy to sit down across from her at the table she occupied in the cafe. A look of shock and realization came across the older woman’s face.

“Ten years? Are you sure that’s right?” Her books were set on the table next to Adelaide’s.

“Yep. Ten. I’ve been married for six of those so, yeah. Ten.” The sad smile that seemed permanent came onto her face. Her parents kept her from going outside without supervision when she was fourteen, so she was only able to see Robert in secret every so often.

“Oh yeah. How’s your husband? We heard all about it in the local paper.” Mindy looked excited to hear about the information; Adelaide wasn’t so keen.

“He’s… good. Umm- how is…how’s Robby? I saw he made it into the aviation program.” She tried to change the subject fast to one that would be pleasant for both woman. But nothing got past Mindy Floyd. After having five children, her ears and eyes sharpened to that of a hawk.

“He did. He also graduated from Weapons Fighter school. But now he’s stationed over in Washington for the time being. He should be moving to Lemoore sometime in the next year. Bobby could never handle the cold to well.” The pure joy that crossed her face to talk about her son was refreshing to Adelaide. She loved being around someone that wasn’t afraid to show their emotions.

“That’s great. If you don’t mind me asking, why are you being so nice to me? Did Robby never show you the letter that I sent?” Adelaide questioned. She was still confused at this whole interaction.

“Oh that. Well Bobby knew that you wouldn’t say none of those nasty things. Sure he was angry for a minute cause he thought they was true. But me and his daddy sat him down and explained that your writin’ wouldn’t have been that shaky if you did that willingly. Plus there were tear stains so I just knew. He wanted to contact you but by the time he came home from basic, you moved and we had no clue where to find ya. We didn’t even know if you were still in the state.” That made a little bit of sense. Mrs. Floyd talked so fast that Adelaide had a hard time of processing the information. He didn’t hate her. Thank goodness. Mindy was still talking but Adelaide didn’t listen. He didn’t hate her. He knew that she was lying in the letter. And he was successful in the Navy. She couldn’t be more proud of him.

~

I found out that you didn’t hate me for what I said. One of these days I’ll have to tell you about it. I couldn’t believe my ears when your momma told me that. These last few years, I spent them thinking you hated me and never wanted to see me ever again.

~

“Addie? Baby? You okay? You in your head over there.” The older woman put her hand on Adelaide’s, pulling the lady out of her thoughts.

“Mindy, do you think you could help me out? I need help getting out.” She begged, looking hopeful at the woman who became more of a mother than her own.

“How can I help ya, baby?” And the plan was set in motion.

~

Your momma is helping me get this letter to you. I can’t do it by myself. Austin reads any mail that comes out to me. So if you respond I won’t know till Mindy tells me. I can’t give you my number to call me, because of the leash I’m on. I’m truly trapped Robby, and I need help. You’re the only person I can think of to help me. Please. If I continue along this path… well, I don’t think I can take it much longer. Please send any letters to your folk’s house. I miss you everyday Robby. I’ve never forgotten about you. I’m so proud of the man you have become in the Navy.

I love you.

Your Honey,

Adelaide Elizabeth Corbin

~

Robert couldn’t believe what he was reading. Adelaide was still in that same town. She never left. He sprung from his bed and grabbed a piece of paper, a pen, and sat back down with his phone on the nightstand. He looked at the clock; 4:00 AM. Robert had the day off tomorrow. He’d be damned if he didn’t write this letter. He was always going to be there for Adelaide. Even after all these years, if she needed help, he was going to provide anything and everything he could.

He was going to answer her call.

Tag: @blessupblessup

[arctimon]

The Beta Team That Never Was - Fanfiction Corner (BH6 Edition)

So all of this Peni Parker comic talk actually got me thinking about the process of her being included in my fanfiction.

I wish I could tell you it was a long and arduous process, but...

OK, maybe some of it was hard.  But when you have a virtually endless supply of Marvel characters that you can use for possible teammates for Big Hero 6, you have to go with your gut.

We all know that the team will be Robbie, Aspen, Peni, Doreen (eventually), and Kate.  But there were six other candidates that could have been in the mix as well.

And five of them have their emblems here:

These were made before I actually knew how to make hero emblems properly.

Some of them you might recognize.  Some you may not.  But we’re going to go through them all, from left to right.

And to start...it’s really hard to draw tiny hearts.

1.) Riri Williams/Ironheart - Ironically enough, it was around the time that Hiro started chasing Sirque around the town in “Portal Enemy” that I started brainstorming her.  A teenage genius, stuck as to what to make, sees “Captain Cutie” and the chase on the news and gets brainstorming.

Thus, the Power Armor is born.

And she gets so excited that she bolts off to San Fransokyo to show her idol what she’s created.

And then, as per the Big Hero 6 Fanfiction Clause states...shenanigans ensue.

It was an interesting possibility, but the thought of Ironheart was really late into me doing the backstories of the people that I had chosen, so she was pushed aside.  I don’t personally see me revisiting her in the future, but who knows?

2.) Nadia Van Dyne/The Wasp - Back when Karmi had first been pulled out of SFIT, there was a young woman who wanted to recruit her into a special organization.  It was one that brought together the greatest female minds in their fields, and Karmi was on said recruitment list.

The organization?

Genius In action Research Labs, or G.I.R.L. for short.  And it was led by the Wasp’s daughter, Nadia Pym (later changed to Nadia Van Dyne).

Plot-wise, this was probably the person that I got the farthest with, since the story would’ve been more of a focus on Karmi than anyone else.  Also, the idea of writing someone with Bipolar Disorder (which Nadia was confirmed to have in her latest solo run) was intriguing if nothing else.

Unfortunately, it sort of dried up from there.  A lack of a central conflict, uncertainty as to how many of the other girls (Taina, Priya, Shay, and Ying) to have, and how to handle her actual powers stopped it cold.

But seriously, how do you write in the ability to shrink to microscopic size?  That’s not really a thing, even in a world as futuristic as San Fransokyo.

3.) America Chavez/Ms. America - The mere idea of a Superman-esque Latina teenager was enticing, especially because America, in her relatively short comic history, was with the Ultimates and the West Coast Avengers (meaning there was a possible Kate/Hawkeye angle).  Making start-shaped portals was the Silent Sparrow angle, and the all-around badass, headstrong attitude would be the counter to Honey Lemon’s more nurturing personality.

But being from an alternate universe (which has very recently been retconned in the comics in part because she will be appearing in the MCU and Doctor Strange 2), no real villain to play off of, and becoming possibly way too overpowered for the BH6 universe, she was scrapped.

It’s quite a shame.  I really like her in the comics that she’s in.  Perhaps there will be an opportunity for her somewhere down the line...

4.) Alison Blaire/Dazzler - A pop star with light-based powers?

Or better yet, a struggling artist with acoustikinesis?

Her power to convert sound into light was what originally drew me to her.  Something that could be made into a technological ability, unique enough to put a (pardon the pun) spotlight on it.

An actual blonde instead of whatever HL’s hair color is.

Heck, she even has a half-sister named Lois that could have been the antagonist (death tough, destruction waves, and the like).

But she quickly got lost in the fold.  Better ideas (like Kate and Doreen) got more of my brainstorming, and she was eventually given up on.

But funnily enough...

It’s almost like she’s already in the show.

(See, for the people who may be new, one of the many Marvel theories that I’ve touched upon is that High Voltage is actually this universe’s version of Dazzler.  Juniper is Alison and Barb is...well...Barbara London, Alison’s mom).

Hey, @baymaksu​ totally agrees with me kinda sort of.

5.) Cindy Moon/Silk - I knew right from the get-go that I wanted a Spider-person on the beta team.  I also knew that I didn’t want Peter.

No offense to Peter Parker.  He’s fine.  But there’s a billion other Spiders out there, and I wanted someone out of the normal vein of Peter, as well as even Miles and Gwen.

And in came Cindy.

Locked away in The Bunker because of her spider powers manifesting, she was eventually released by Peter and thus began her entrance into the main Marvel world.

Her “unique ability” is her improved Spider-Sense, which Peter has said is even better than his own.  That, plus her other powers, brought her the closest out of anyone to being a member of the Big Hero 6 Beta Team.

As we all know, however, Peni ended up getting the spot over Cindy (for the family angle with Hiro and the giant robot that she pilots).  On the other hand, Cindy would later make her debut in the stinger of the last chapter of Along Came The S.P.I.D.E.R., along with Miles, Anya, and Joey.

Unlike Riri, Nadia, America, and Alison, Cindy and the rest of Peni’s little Spider Society are going to be showing up in future stories.  And if I can get everything in order, they will be starring in their own story set in the Big Hero 6 universe.

Finally, I have no emblem for them, but the honorable mention goes to...

6.) Lunella Lafayette/Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur - Yes, there was a point in time where I was seriously considering putting a nine-year-old super genius and a giant red T-rex into my stories.

Ignoring the giant...”red flag” here, the reason why Luna never made it is the same reason why I haven’t put Rishi in anything yet.  It’s because I don’t really know what to do with supergeniuses that young.  Hiro is at least a teenager and thus has teenager-y problems to fall back on (like puberty and Karmi and all that jazz), but a nine-year-old?  That’s a little too extreme for me.

When I was nine, I was busy playing with sticks in my backyard with my brother, not solving unsolvable puzzles from Bruce Banner.

...All that, and the giant dinosaur.

But hey, at least Disney is jumping on the MG/DD train.  That’s good to see.

Crossover potential, perhaps?

P.S. - As I was finishing putting this post together, it occurred to me that I may get this possible question in the comments, so I’m going to head it off at the pass.

“You know that all of your possible superheroes are girls, right?”

First of all...sexist.

Second of all...true.

That was about 90% on accident.  The actual team (Robbie, Aspen, Peni, Doreen, and Kate) has only one guy on it (two if you count Eli, three if you count Tippy-Toe).

I don’t really have a good explanation for that.  I like all superheroes, but I think that the girl and woman superheroes need some spotlight, you know?  I could have pulled people like Namor or Miles or the male Hawkeye into the mix, but to be honest, I find the characters I chose more interesting than a lot of the guy characters I was contemplating.

Of course, nothing is stopping any of you from using those characters in your stories.  Be my guest, not that you really need my permission or anything.

But you can’t take Aspen.  Aspen is mine. (Spoiler: Aspen is not mine.)

[s1ater]

hey queen i’m gonna ask politely for a part two of “high school rivals” i just need it in my life that was one of the best hawk fics i’ve read so mrs gorl do me a solid and write a part two! i will forever be in your debt!!!! anyways love you and all the stuff you’ve written!❤️❤️

highschool rivals, part two. eli moskowitz x reader

summary 📣: in which reader believes hawk is fucking with her when saying he does karate, but he won’t prove otherwise, no matter how much she begs.

warnings 🚫: swearing, drinking , also reader and miguel are only friends (i swear it’s not flirting), uhh

slater’s note 🗯: yuh, finally updated, sorry it took so long i’ve literally had no MOTIVATION but hey(love you bae thank you for giving me motivation to update)

part one, part two

the weekend reached faster than you thought it would, giving you no time to think out a plan on how to set hawk off.

maybe you should’ve just gotten over it, but the urge to egg him on, to watch him snap kept a provoking feeling in the inside of your stomach to keep planning.

you didn’t understand why, but something about hawk just fascinated you, made you obsessed with thoughts of him and what he could do to you.

and maybe the thought setting him off into a rage set you off into excitement of what he would do to you.

pinning you down, overpowering your strength just so he could win, anything and everything to show the dominance he had over you.

oh it was wrong, but so so fun to think about.

saturday morning hit you hard from a rough hangover resonating from the night before with mia and harper, a lot of drinking taking place due to it being harper’s birthday and all she wanted to do was watch old movies and drink till she blacked out.

and oh boy did she really black out.

and so did mia, leaving you up and alone with edward scissor hands playing in the background as your newly drunken mind searched through your phone for something entertaining.

someone entertaining.

your first choice, miguel, him being the first one to pop up on your recently snapped on snap chat.

y/n: i’m bored, come hang out w me

miguel: u drinking yet?

y/n: ye

miguel: i’d come but i’m w people

y/n: uh fuk yow

miguel: aren’t we hanging out tomorrow anyways

y/n: yeh but everyone’s aslep now

miguel: oh facts

eli wants to talk to you

your drunken self had rolled your eyes, sliding out of the chat and into hawk’s snap user who was already typing.

hawk: can i come over?

y/n: no

hawk: awh, why not princess

y/n: shut up

people who lie about being in karate don’t get to come to drinking parties

hawk: oh?

y/n: yeah now leve me alone

...

hawk: miss me yet?

it was like he knew how to play the game perfectly, a game that wasn’t even really a game. just teasing being held between two hormonal teens who made out a couple of times.

he knew exactly how to get into your mind which is why it didn’t take long before he had convinced you to allow him to sneak over to harper’s house, wearing a black hoodie that was draped over his head with miguel following right behind with glasses you had never seen on him before.

“you said you were with people,” you had narrowed your brows, looking over hawk’s shoulder at miguel who was still outside due to you blocking the way in through the sliding door.

his eyes connected to yours after slowly analyzing his surroundings as if something would pop out of the dark at any moment.

“yeah,” he jerked his head a bit, “i’m with lover boy here who convinced me to drive him five miles to a drunk birthday party at two in the morning.”

you studied miguel a bit more better, realizing he had slightly smears of acne cream on his cheeks and forehead, pulling together the glasses and pajama pants look. he seemed annoyed and tired, which made sense since it actually was two in the morning.

“hi,” your eyes drew away from miguel to hawk who smiled smoothly, his red hair peaking out from underneath his hood, dipping down into a form you had never seen it; flat.

“hi,” you replied, slightly shocked before being pulled in closer to him, his cold hands rubbing up and down your waist before peaking underneath your own hoodie.

his cool finger tips pressed into your hipbones, his fingernails slightly curving and breaking into your skin as he tried to get an even tighter hold on you. the pads of his thumbs rubbed up and down against the dips of your stomach as he continued to stare straight into your eyes, calmly.

“so, can we get this train moving or are we gonna stand in the doorway for the rest of the night?”

you couldn’t recall if you had gone anywhere farther than rubbing skin against skin with the boy or his lips pressing against your forehead biding you sweet dreams as he left before the rest of the morning could catch him. the alcohol eating away at all memories and events that had happened between two and five.

y/n: hey, can i head over?

miguel: yeah, eli should be there to let you in

the weekend had entailed a lot of hanging out, saturday implying drinking and just general talking in miguel’s apartment with robby, hawk, harper, and mia.

you weren’t exactly sure if it was a good idea to be drinking day after day but it was your teenage years, whats the worst that could happen?

“you’re early.”

you frowned watching the door open to only see hawk, his expression dead, almost like he was annoyed but he still let you in, leaving the apartment door wide open.

“where’s miguel?” you asked, stepping into the cool apartment from the roasting air, a feeling of relief settling on your skin as you were no longer cooking into a chicken in the hot sun.

“what do you mean?”

“well this is his apartment... right?” you looked around analyzing the small space. it was neat but there was some kind of atmosphere filling the air making the whole area dark.

you sat on the couch watching eli as he seemed to be rummaging around the kitchen, seemingly ignoring you by not answering your question.

“what’re you doing?”

“nothing.”

“wanna spar?”

he looks up, his eyes meeting dead in yours, “shut up.”

“okay...”

the apartment soon seems to fill with a silence quickly and rather awkwardly as you sat there, patting your lap with your hands, switching between each thigh as your mind raced.

do something.

but you didn’t think it was a good idea to do something, it had only been a minute into your arrival and he already seemed snappy.

it was then did you really wish you could remember everything that had happened the night before and as to why it was so suddenly awkward.

it didn’t make sense, he would always find something to talk about, that was one of the first things you had picked up on about him.

“you mad at me?”

“no,” he said it slowly, glancing over to you as you were already looking at him, how shifting your position on the couch.

“why’re you being weird.”

he laughed.

and then... ignored your question.

“what happened last night?”

he looked up from the counter again, you had noticed he was writing something down, making you guess he was doing his homework or something.

he also seemed annoyed, looking over once again to your doubtful state.

“you were drunk.”

“yeah, the killer headache i had this morning told me.”

“yeah...”

“why’re you being to fucking weird?”

“i’m not, jesus,” he snapped at you, his face screwing up with annoyance as well as slight confusion as to wondering why you were being so anxious.

“you seem mad, man.”

“well maybe if you shut-“

“i got the alc!” the sudden noise of the apartment door opened caused eli to cut himself off, looking over to the white chipped door open, revealing miguel and robby.

you clenched your jaw, looking away from the two boys and to the floor, thinking about the sentence hawk was about to spat in front of your face before interrupted.

shut up.

“you two good?”

masterlist

taglist 🗞:

join my taglist for good luck

@bigbilliamdenbro @axastasiasstuff @spiderman-berries @alexmercer-reginaldpeters @teti-menchon0604 @lydiaamphlett @notyourfuckingbusinesss @estupidteen @torynicholsgf @nessa1107 @carpioassists @vhscherry @simplytpwk @sinicalh4wk @amongtheweepingwillows @write-from-the-heart

[rp-partnerfinder]

Hello!! I’ve recently been looking for roleplay partners and decided to make my own ad!

-I’m 18+ looking for 18+ rp partners

-I RP on Discord, just for Tupper bot and the easy organizing that comes with making a server. I’m literate, ranging between 3 paragraphs to exceeding the Nitro character limit, and would prefer if that’s matched, though I’m pretty lenient as I know shorter replies get the roleplay rolling!

-I love chatting OOC and yapping about our ideas and characters, or shared interests we might have!

-I adore aesthetics for the roleplay, making playlists, making our characters as incorrect quotes/memes, moodboards, and typically prefer using actors from other shows/movies for OC fcs so I can make fun edits if I get the inspiration

-I prefer coming up with our own worlds, changing worlds to make them our own, and OCxCC, OCxOC, or the occasional CCxCC. I typically do MxM, with MxF here and there.

-I don’t write smut, although I’m fine with discussing it, HCs for it, and writing tension and some smooching.

-Big fan of angst, adventure, and most importantly, drama!!

-I don’t have many specific plots in mind but some I do like include:

Platonic: Platonic soulmates, Angsty siblings, Found family(found father + son, found older sibling + younger sibling)

Romantic: Forbidden, Fake dating, One-sided(not actually) pining, Enemies to lovers or enemies to enemies who happen to kiss, Rivals, Opposite sides of a war

and many more! I’d love to hear your ideas and plots you’re interested in!

Fandoms List, including the characters I’m interested in writing either as or against and preferred gender pairs(to make it easier lol)

• Stranger Things(Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Jonathan Byers, Argyle, MxM)

• Star Wars(Anakin Skywalker, MxF though I’m totally down for some forbidden MxM)

• Baby(Niccolò Govender, Brando, Carlo, no pref on gender pairs)

• Harry Potter(Mostly interested in sub-fandoms (cough cough Slytherin Boys cough cough)

• Deadly Class(Marcus Lopez)

• Scream franchise(Charlie Walker, Robbie Mercer, Trevor Sheldon, Ethan Landry)

• Life as a House(Sam Monroe)

• Higher Ground(Scott Barringer)

• Any and all Rory Culkin films(Lords of Chaos, Song of Sway Lake, Jack Goes Home, Shut In, Electrick Children, Gabriel, etc)

.

[ilovejevsjeans]

Daniel Ricciardo on his passion for combat sports, a walkout song and the time he asked Lewis Hamilton to ‘fight’

McLaren Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo, who currently sits seventh in the driver standings heading into this weekend’s Spanish Grand Prix, is among the world’s best behind a steering wheel. But how would he fare if he swapped his racing gloves for boxing or MMA gloves?

“I’d love to do a charity boxing match or something just to feel that adrenaline of walking to a ring,” Ricciardo said. “It’s on my to-do list for sure. At school I had a few little fights but nothing crazy. Nothing I’d brag about here.”

Ricciardo says he learned the sport of boxing from a friend who fought as an amateur growing up. However in recent years his love of combat shifted more toward mixed martial arts, a sport that is “quite beautiful. It’s an art form and I was just taken by it.”

The Australian — who boasts 4.6 million followers on Instagram — rarely misses a fight night, whether that’s a small card or pay-per-view. Every Monday he gears up for multiple MMA podcasts to hear analysis on what just took place in the cage.

In an exclusive interview with The Athletic, Ricciardo opened up about his love for fighting, which driver would make the best opponent and why Lewis Hamilton turned down an opportunity to get in the ring against him.

You’re an avid fight fan. How did this passion for the sport start?

One of my best friends growing up, when he was growing up, he was doing amateur boxing and got very good at it. I was then doing my racing and he was doing his boxing. We were both on a bit of an unconventional path — both individual sports, not really the typical sports the kids at school were doing. We had that in common. Once I started taking my racing more seriously I began taking my fitness more seriously. So I started going to his gym to just train. I really enjoyed doing it. But the truth is — I don’t want to lie to anyone. I’m not a fighter. As much as I would picture beating the bully up at school, it’s not me. But I just fell in love with not only doing it but also watching it.

I enjoyed watching boxing but it was really when I got exposed to MMA … It just had me. It was back in 2011 when I started properly getting into it. It was the quickest sport I had ever been absorbed by. I was all in.

My whole YouTube feed is just all MMA shows, whether it’s press conferences, interviews, podcasts. It’s just full of MMA stuff. I’m a full nerd now.

Being in Australia and traveling a lot, are you forced to get up at weird times for fights?

The beauty was I was in LA when (Conor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier 2) was on so it was prime time and I was happy. But normally in Europe, it’s 4 a.m. or 5 a.m., which isn’t as good. Any kind of sporting event that you look forward to, it’s always cool when it’s in the evening because you have all day to get ready and talk about it. If you wake up at 4 a.m. it’s like “ugh,” and then you’re straight into it so there’s not as much of a build-up. But it’s all good.

So do you still train at all?

No. To races, my trainer carries some pads and gloves just to stay a little sharp and change it up. If I’m getting my reflexes with some tennis balls, maybe I throw in a bit of a boxing combination or something. Again, I’m not saying I’m good or anything. But I just enjoy the whole movement part of it.

Boxing was cool and I enjoyed watching it growing up. But there was something with MMA where there’s just so many different disciplines and the matchups … as a contest it was so much more open and for that, exciting. I feel — I know it’s not always the case — you can kind of tell in boxing if someone is getting momentum, the advantage. It’s like “this guy is going to win the fight.” But in MMA, it’s like “this guy is winning standing but if this goes to the ground, it’s back to square one.” So I just loved it. I was really immersed by it all.

Did you have a particular fighter or fight that got you hooked early on?

One of the first events I watched was UFC 116. Chris Leben was on the card and I think he was losing the fight. And then he got a triangle with probably 20 seconds to go in the third round, so that was really exciting. Stephan Bonnar was also on that card and he got a really cool finish on “The Polish Experiment” Krzysztof Soszynski. That was a card for me where I was very taken from that. Then I discovered “The Ultimate Fighter.” I just binge-watched all of those (seasons).

In terms of fighters, Leben was a character, I liked him. Carlos Condit. I’d say Condit and Cub Swanson were two guys I got behind early on. Condit, I love his style and the way he carries himself.

Have you been to a lot of cards in person?

The very first one I did was the best for me personally. To this day, it’s my favorite sporting event I’ve ever been to: (Conor) McGregor-(Chad) Mendes. Vegas in July 2015. Obviously McGregor, but he wasn’t yet a champion and still kind of on the rise. It was the energy and atmosphere. It was just wild.

The whole event too. (Robbie) Lawler-(Rory) MacDonald, which had the fight of the year. Every fight on the main card I think was a finish, so I got very lucky at my first event.

I’ve done (Michael) Bisping-(Anderson) Silva in the UK. That was a great contest as well.

There are a lot of great fighters from Australia and New Zealand like Israel Adesanya, Alexander Volkanovski and Robert Whittaker. Have you had a chance to meet any of them?

I haven’t met them. A couple of them I’ve had interactions with on social media. But I love Whittaker, obviously Volkanovski is killing it. I’m fairly patriotic to the Aussie fighters. If they are fighting, 99 percent of the time I’ll be supporting them. But one of my good buddies is roommates with Luke Rockhold, so I got to know Luke the last couple of years. I was trying to do some training over Christmas with him but it didn’t end up working out.

I know you’re a big shoey guy. What do you think of Tai Tuivasa doing it after wins?

I’ve had a bit of contact with Tuivasa as well. It’s obviously great. But one thing I can’t get behind is spitting. That’s a little extra.

Plus he’ll grab some random fan’s shoe.

He definitely takes it to the next level. It’s cool that — as disgusting as it is — we have some traditions like this.

Shifting a bit to F1, have you ever gotten into any big fights on the track? What was the worst fight you’ve gotten in?

Earlier in go-karting there was a bit more. Unfortunately in F1, I guess because you’re on the world’s stage, even if you push someone you probably are going to get a fine or get penalized. At times it’s a little too clean. But I’m still waiting for the day that someone confronts me and I just lay them out (laughs).

You also just seem a lot more laid back than a lot of other drivers, so you’d probably not be my first choice of someone getting into a fight soon.

I’m all talk, it would be nice obviously to not have to fight anyone. But no one would expect it from me. Even when I tell people I’m a fight fan, people are like “oh really? You’re into that? You seem too nice to like that.”

But to get where I have in the sport, you need a bit of a killer streak in you. I do have it, but don’t always show it.

What other driver would make the best fighter?

I know some guys have done — for fitness — hit some pads. Randomly, he doesn’t have a seat this year, but Daniil Kvyat started doing quite a lot of boxing last year for his training. I saw a few clips and it started to look like he knew what he was doing. I would say he would be the guy who has the most idea. I’d put him and myself up there. The rest I don’t think stand a chance.

So if you had a charity event, you don’t have anyone in particular you’d want to go against?

To be honest, I actually asked Lewis Hamilton. At the beginning of 2016, he posted a video on his Instagram hitting pads. I was as well at the time, so I was like “hey, let’s do a charity fight.” I asked him in person. But he didn’t bite on that one so I was a little sad.

I might re-ask the question.

What about Max Verstappen? For people who watched the first season of the F1 show “Drive to Survive” on Netflix, I’m sure they would love to see you guys throw down at some point.

That would have been cool as well (laughs). Max would be a good competitor in the ring. The way he drives, he’s quite stubborn. He’d be a hard guy to put away. He’s probably the guy that you’d choke him and he’s going to sleep and not tapping. That would make an interesting one.

In contrast, is there an MMA fighter you’d like to race on the track?

An obvious one would be Conor McGregor. To hear in his Irish accent all kinds of things, that would make pretty good television. And he loves his cars. It’s obvious, but that would probably be the best.

How often would you say you watch fights now? Not just PPVs, right?

Unless I have something like work or another commitment, I’m watching it every week. Mondays I’m getting ready for every podcast. I sound like a real nerd but it’s just an addiction. I love it. Anyone doing that for Formula 1, I’d be like “you’re such a nerd,” but here I am doing it with MMA.

Is it hard to follow everything during the race season?

If I can’t see it live, then 100 percent I’m going to watch the replay or buy it later. But it’s also a good escape. If I’m traveling and I’m in between races, to get my mind away from my competition, I like to watch it. I also try to pick up things as well. Whether it’s from a mental point of view … I’ll look at the walkouts and how they are behaving. I try to figure out if they are really as calm and collected as they are portraying or if it’s a bit of a facade. I’m trying to work out what I can use in my events.

Do you have a walkout song prepared if you were to fight?

I’ve thought about it. The short answer is no. You typically have to have something heavy and fast, but I fell in love with Chris Weidman’s “Won’t Back Down.” It’s not typically a song that will pump you up but it’s so iconic and now it’s his, it’s very fitting.

I’d go for something more lyrically powerful as opposed to instrumental. I loved Max Holloway’s, I think it’s called Mount Everest (by Labrinth). (X)

[thegunlady]

Movies I watched in 2021:

Was this a largely pointless exercise that reveals too much about the painfully boring inner machinations of my mind? Probably! But I have to do something with my film degree, so please enjoy this list of the 70 movies I saw this year, complete with IMDB links and my own deeply insightful (and spoiler-free) commentary:

January: 

The DUFF (2016) - This movie is so dumb but it brings me such joy and I’ve seen it a bunch of times because Mae Whitman and Robbie Amell are so obviously having a great time and enjoying the hell out of each other.

Austenland (2007) - Do the plot details of this movie make any sense? Certainly not. Do I care? Also certainly not. It’s the very epitome of genre-savvy, Austen-inspired, parodic delight and I watch it regularly. 

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) - I have not sat and watched these movies in full since they came out, and I also decided I wanted to watch a bit more Seminal Classic Cinema this year (in theory) so here we are. It was a great decision, actually. I expected to appreciate it, but be a little bored/confused because complicated high fantasy is not my bag and neither is a 3-hour movie, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It was much easier to follow and more relationship-driven than I remembered. 

February:

Leap Year (2010) - I have a vague memory of disliking this movie, but it’s been so long and tumblr seems to really like it so I thought I’d try again. Turns out my memory was Correct and I did not like it, which is a bummer because this movie has a lot of really good things going on! There’s a version of the same script that could have been a classic IMHO, we just didn’t quite get there.

In Time (2011) - I saw this in theaters and haven’t even thought about it since then so I’m not sure what triggered it, but I just had the sudden urge to watch this movie. So much so I literally paid 4 of my actual, personal dollars to rent it. And listen, this movie was critically eviscerated for being terrible and I get it. But I still think the designing principle is unique and interesting—and you guys know I’m a sucker for anything aesthetically ultra-stylized. This would be GREAT updated as a limited series.

Booksmart (2019) - A delightfully conceived teen comedy with stellar performances top to bottom. A very few brief moments slightly more gross and slapstick-y than I personally find entertaining, but good work all around.

March:

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) - A very short and quirky romp that’s a little dated but I enjoyed very much. Plus time travel! (sort of) which is a personal favorite. I really appreciate the emotional through-line of this one.

Falling Inn Love (2019) - I can’t explain what made me randomly hit this on Netflix. It’s absolutely every single thing you think it is and nothing more but I had fun.

The Illusionist (2006) - I watched this so many times in high school, and I saw a random gifset of it recently and wanted to know if it held up. Honestly, it kinda doesn’t. It’s a little cringe, as the kids say, and the VFX are...not that great. But I still love it?

April:

The Craft (1996) - Okay, don’t take away my tumblr cred but this was actually the first time I’ve seen this movie! I'm sure I would have loved it more had I seen it during my formative years, but nonetheless it is a vibe™ and deserves it’s high place in the lexicon. I am overcome with the desire to purchase black tights and burgundy lipstick. 

Thunder Force (2021) - This one got a little gross and slapstick-y for me, especially the extremely weird and pointless romantic b-plot but I LOVE the premise of middle-aged lady superhero best friends being hilarious with each other.  

The Stand-In (2020) - I can’t believe this movie slipped my notice all this time but we love a bonkers dark comedy with important themes about identity and two (2) Drew Barrymores!

The Dig (2021) - I really wanted to love this movie and I can appreciate it’s whole theme and aesthetic but it just did not do anything for me at all. I just watched it and I can barely remember it.

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) - A classic! I’ve seen this one a few times and it’s aged...not super great, but weirdly well for what it is? It just cheers me to watch. And y’all know how much I like almost anything about time travel.

Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) - A double feature!! Hmm, this was my first time seeing this one and it is...markedly less charming and evergreen than its predecessor. Barely even any time travel! The poor ladies are just beyond fridged. And I was bored. Also there was so much screaming. I did love the whole grim reaper thing, though.

Bill and Ted Face the Music (2020) - A triple feature!!! The first movie is still the best, and I’m not always the biggest fan of the years-later franchise continuation but this one was really fun! Also, I know it’s not the point, but I would have liked it if this movie was even more (or exclusively) about the daughters.

Dazed and Confused (1993) - Listen, I love ‘70s music and a loosely-structured cruising movie so I fully appreciate what made this film so special. But I am too old and too square to be watching 28-year-old stoner teen movies for the first time. That love and nostalgia just doesn’t really pull through over the slow, un-PC weirdness when you don’t have an existing relationship with the movie. I really enjoyed parts of it though.

Jumper (2008) - Probably because it’s so akin to the beats of my beloved time travel, I find the premise of this (admittedly kind of silly) movie to be rad and I’ve seen it several times. I’m still disappointed that they didn’t adapt the next book.

May:

One For the Money (2012) - I used to love these novels so I was STOKED that they finally started making movies. I’m still upset that this movie bombed and we didn’t get any more, because I think it’s extremely well-made and delightful, and it’s one of my go-to comfort movies. Is it not enough for Katherine Heigl to be endearingly vengeful, comically reckless, and surprisingly good at bounty hunting??

June:

The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996) - Oh-ho-ho this one hit. I clicked it on a whim and discovered an unfortunately titled but endlessly endearing, slightly unconventional romance that got me right between the ribs. It’s dreamy and witty and mildly existential and quite affirming for me, personally. I can’t recommend it enough.

Corpse Bride (2005) - Another one of those classics-among-my-people-that-I’d-never-actually-seen. I ADORED the style, character design, and general concept but I am DISPLEASED with the ending. The mechanics of the world also make little sense and the movie is suspiciously short. Having read nothing else about it, I’m wondering if it did not go through fairly extensive cuts and rewrites. A shame. And perhaps worthy of being adapted again in some form?

After (2019) - It’s no secret that I LOVE bonkers melodramatic romances and will gladly watch and read even the worst ones. Also I needed something to put on while terraforming in Animal Crossing so I thought this would be perfect—and it worked out on that front I guess, but wow this movie is unwatchable. Even for me. In so many ways. It’s so bad. 

After We Collided (2020) - OKAY FINE Netflix queued up the sequel and I let it because a.) I was not done terraforming and b.) I was so shocked the first movie did well enough to warrant the sequel (and apparently a three-quel??) that I had to see what it was about. Honestly, I still don’t really know or care what happened in either movie, but this one was slightly better than the first. 

Luca (2021) - A most joyous and colorful adventure! I wish to visit Italy, and I wish for more Sea Monster Cinema (which is the name of my new pop punk band). 

July:

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (2021) - I may have watched most of this movie through my fingers in awkwardness but it was SUCH a delight in every way. I haven’t laughed that much in a long time. My only note is that I kinda wish they could have continued to be a poly couple but it’s fine, I get it.

Hysteria (2010) - A genius premise! This movie was so much fun and delightfully unique. The events happened really fast though I almost wish it was a series. Also a bit tonally unsure of itself I think, but joy was had and that’s really my main rubric for anything.

Suicide Squad (2016) - I almost didn’t add this to the list because I just threw it on in the background while working, but I did watch the whole thing. It’s perfectly enjoyable. Gosh I love Joel Kinnaman. Also Leto’s joker is /barf emoji thanks.

Home Again (2017) - What have I been doing since 2017 that I missed this movie entirely?!?!? It is SUCH a cute story and my heart is so unbelievably full!! More justice for middle-aged ladies! And more chad-like film-bro-style characters who are actually sweet and decent dudes!

Midnight Sun (2018) - Following in the trend of After from last month I’m going for the ridiculous teen romance melodramas again. This was your standard YA tearjerker fare if not worse, but I guess I picked an emotional day to watch it because I cried anyway.

Isi & Ossi (2020) - Absolutely chaotic fake dating shenanigans! I actually thought this was a series when I started watching it and I’m disappointed that it’s not because I would absolutely watch these characters do more things.

Lucky Number Slevin (2006) - Loved this! It was my first time seeing it and I knew very little about it even though I know it’s a cult classic. Maybe a tad too much Old Dudes Talking but still a blast. Lucy Liu really makes the whole thing.

The Twilight Saga (2008-2012) - Yes, all 5 movies. I think we can agree they don’t need individual entries. These all dropped on Netflix while I was trapped in my brother’s disgusting apartment after agreeing against my better judgement to dog-sit his (blameless, still beloved) demon corgi for a week, so it was the perfect self-indulgent movie marathon. The first movie is objectively the best but I think New Moon is my favorite? Eclipse is definitely better than New Moon but IMHO it’s just kinda there. And the Breaking Dawn movies are so goddamn weird.

The Kissing Booth (2018) - I’m really outing myself with this whole list re: secretly enjoying ridiculous teen movies. This is definitely that, but it’s so cheery and rote that it’s a great comfort watch.

Ever After (1998) - A classic in every sense of the word! I can’t resist a Cinderella retelling and this one is easily top 3 of all time. The earnest romance! The French countryside! Anjelica Huston!

August:

Jolt (2021) - This movie is purely capitalizing on the success of Atomic Blonde with almost none of the artistry or gravitas, but it’s also purely about Kate Beckinsale wearing great outfits and wrecking many buildings and dudes under neon lights and I am not opposed to this.

Freaky (2020) - Clearly someone in a pitch meeting said “what if Freaky Friday, but a serial killer and his would-be victim instead of a mother and daughter”— and they had a point. I would have liked some more interaction between the two of them and also I’m not really sure what the killer’s goal or motivation was at any point but I still had fun. Also I was engrossed in trying to paint a lil strawberry with my new watercolors for most of this movie so I might not be the best judge.

The Suicide Squad (2021) - Ok in fairness, James Gunn brought some much-needed Guardians of the Galaxy flair to the whole show and I appreciate that. I am however NOT remotely okay with the death of my beloved [REDACTED], and this movie in general was. Very bizarre.

Jackie & Ryan (2014) - This movie was pretty slow and not super well-structured, but it was sweet and simple with lovely scenery and Ben Barnes singing country music. Also movie endings in general I find are the weakest part of them but I think it was the strongest part of this one. It’s been a while since I loved the way a movie ended. 

Fantastic Fungi (2019) - So I thought this was going to be more of a nerdy sci-comm thing about how fungus works, and it sort of is, but it’s also mostly for aesthetic and entertainment purposes, and is very pro-psychedelics. Which is fine! I confess I am a bit skeptical of some of the science and experts they have, but it was still cool! Mushrooms are the best!

Tenet (2020) - You guys know I love stuff that messes with time and time travel and this movie did a lot of cool things but it was also Very Serious and Very Long and the story engine felt pretty flimsy to me. I wanted to see way more of Neil and the Protagonist interacting and doing emotionally-grounded character things, and way less of extras running around in gas masks and wide shots of helicopters. I should really watch it a second time to get a better grip on it but I’m not sure I care enough to do it.

Roman Holiday (1953) - A charming and fashionable romp that changed cinema forever! Despite myself, I’d never actually seen it from credits to credits and I’m very glad to add it to my repertoire. Also I intend to wear far more swishy skirts and Gibson rolls.

September:

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - I guess this isn’t a movie per se, but I make the rules here. I visited my best friend for my 30th birthday and she couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this and she insisted we watch it immediately and she was right. Bo Burnham gets it. I felt things. I already downloaded the album. Oof.

Cruella (2021) - This movie is preposterous but honestly about 30% less preposterous than I expected. I actually thought the punk rock ‘70s backdrop was kind of a cool idea. It was very long and very silly but I am always willing to watch charismatic leading ladies wearing bonkers outfits and being cinematically unhinged™. 

Buffaloed (2019) - Not only is this a clever and poignant premise for a movie, highlighting the insanity of American household debt, but I just got the vibe that the whole cast really got along and was having a blast getting to do so much screaming, scuffling, and dramatically slamming phones down. 

Savages (2012) - Hoo boy. This movie is painfully 2012 and super weirdly paced, but for the first half I thought I would like it anyway because it’s a pretty slick and compelling concept with a fun cast. But it’s way too long, and the second half goes bizarrely off the rails for no reason, and the pointless double ending (?) does nothing to resolve the themes the movie set up and it was just a vaguely unpleasant time all around.

Guys and Dolls (1955) - Despite myself, I just love the frothy midcentury musicals. Not to mention, my dad used to sing songs from this one to me all the time when I was a kid so it’s got a special place in my heart. I haven’t watched the movie in a long time though and I was struck anew by 1. how cool the sets are, and 2. how entirely delightful the chemistry is between Marlon Brando and Jean Simmons.

Love and Monsters (2020) - A very gross bug movie but very worth it. I love a romantic adventure quest! I love an underdog story! I love an actual dog! I love Dylan O’Brien! 

October:

Crimson Peak (2015) - Starting October off strong! Although a spooky and highly-aesthetic fairytale is a good idea anytime of year. I’ve seen this movie a few times and tbh the story doesn’t hold up to too much scrutiny but who cares! Ghosts! Incredible gowns! Crumbling mansions! Blood red snow! It’s got everything.

A Little Chaos (2014) - Having watched them mere hours apart, it strikes me that this movie is kind of....reverse Crimson Peak? It’s incredibly bright and polished and lush with endless pastels and flowers and golden sunlight, featuring a common woman who is lovingly accepted by high society. It was honestly just okay but I liked it! 

Free Guy (2021) - Oh man did I not expect the Ryan Reynolds video game action comedy to have such heart! I just wanted to throw on something goofy, but this movie had my full attention. It’s so sweet and clever and so much more than I hoped for.

Paradise Hills (2019) - This was the flowered, color-soaked, half-futuristic and half-victorian dreamy and deranged horror thriller I never knew I needed. Is it kinda ridiculous? Sure. Does it leave so many questions entirely unanswered? Oh yeah. But it’s cool as hell.

The Aeronauts (2019) - I saw this when it first came out, and it is, surprisingly, just as spellbinding on a second viewing. This movie plays like the most beautiful old time-y storybook, complete with ball gowns and brass telescopes, but it’s also an IMPOSSIBLY HARROWING hot air balloon adventure. I love it so much.

Love and Other Drugs (2010) - Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway are both great and thus fun as a banter-y couple, but this movie takes the bizarre stance of a romantic dramedy with the designing principle of...pharmaceutical sales? It also takes place in 1996 literally just so the invention of Viagra can be part of the plot but doesn’t really do anything with it story-wise that couldn’t easily be done a million other ways, or do anything else to make the movie look and feel ‘90s (I know it’s based on a book but the book is from 2005). Relatedly, some of the 2010 humor is a pretty darn yikes. 

Casablanca (1942) - I swore I was gonna watch more Important Classic Films this year and I haven’t really been doing it so here we are. It’s no surprise that this movie is a staple of Hollywood history because it is incredibly stylish and well-observed.

Twister (1996) - Frick I love this movie. It’s another shining star in the firmament of movies with a lived-in, nuanced, and delightful ensemble  working together against a cool ‘monster’ of sorts, with the monster being fun and aesthetic but sufficiently background to the character stuff at play. An unbeatable dynamic also found in movies like The Mummy and Ocean’s Eleven.

Happy Death Day (2017) - This might be my favorite horror movie ever. It’s so clever and funny and well-constructed. It’s Scream updated for the new generation. And of course, I am always on board for a time loop.

Shaun of the Dead (2004) - Have I been calling myself an Edgar Wright fan all these years even though I’d never seen this movie? Yes. But I have rectified the situation. This movie is so funny and I’m never over the way almost every bit happens twice, in a pre- and post- zombie context. It’s brilliant.

November:

Fool’s Gold (2008) - I saw a some random gifs of this and inexplicably decided on a whim that I was going to watch it immediately. It’s surprisingly good for being a mid-2000s romcom. More romcoms should be adventure-based.

The Maltese Falcon (1941) - Once again I attempt to add Classic Cinema™ to the list and once again, despite my literal film degree (and having seen this movie before), I don’t have that much to say about it. This movie is striking to look at and a huge part of movie history and I have total appreciation for that. But hanging out in 2021, it’s just not super fun to watch. 

All Too Well: The Short Film (2021) - This is my first short film this year, and I’ve decided that they count for this list - even if this one is more of a music video, but whatever. Loved it. I was quite struck by the awareness that I, like Taylor Swift, was Sadie Sink’s age when the song was first released, and am Dylan O’Brien’s age now. The video was poetic and beautiful and painful and it’s just an amazing song. 10/10. 

Contact (1997) - You guys know I love alien shit so I truly can’t believe one of the most famous alien movies of all time was barely even in my cultural awareness. My total loss, too, because this movie rules so hard. 

Mr. Right (2016) - A forever favorite! This movie is so colorful and hilarious and romantic and weird and I never get sick of it. More surprisingly wholesome action comedies about feral paleontologists and their reverse-hitman boyfriends!

Chaos Walking (2021) - This movie wasn’t really good enough for it’s Dark Seriousness or clever enough for it’s Jokiness (which was really just the same joke over and over). It set up a bunch of interesting things that never paid off, and threw in a bunch of random stuff that didn’t really matter. It’s a decent concept and an impressive cast, but we are not in the strand of the multiverse where this movie worked.

December:

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) - I saw someone on twitter recently say that Tobey Maguire was a mediocre spider-man in a franchise that really understood and loved spider-man. And that Garfield was a truly spectacular, god-tier spider-man in a franchise that sorta-kinda understood spider-man. Where Tom Holland is a close second to Garfield, in a franchise that doesn’t really give a shit about spider-man OG themes and lore at all. Watching this movie for the first time in several years, I must concur. Story-wise it’s perfectly fine but nothing special - except that Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are absolutely flawless in their roles.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) - Oof That Part™ of this movie is still a soulcrusher. This movie also has markedly less fun and interesting side characters than the first movie. But still a cool watch and also this version of peter x gwen 4ever!

The Hating Game (2021) - Ok, technically I watched this after midnight on New Year’s Eve, but I didn’t want to end my night on the minor bummer that was TASM2, or end up with 69 total movies. I just couldn’t. This is your fault, internet! But anyway! The Hating Game is one of my absolute favorite romance novels of all time, and I’ve always thought it could make a great movie (which I actually DON’T think about most romance novels), and survey says it was: so good! It’s a really faithful adaptation and I actually think a lot of the changes they made are even an improvement. Highly recommend. And Happy New Year!