#again I must stress that this is not going to be regularly updated. I'm trying my best to work on it but it'll definitely come in waves

[eclectic-spaghetti]

SUSTAINABLY SLAIN - Chapter 1

(introduction) (next)

This one continues under the cut, and features stylized blood and gore. Read at your own discretion.

[h2llish]

ミ ˖ ✧ DEVIL'S GHIBLI EVENT

❝ once you've met someone you never really forget them ,,

✉ ─── i've been talking about doing this event for quite some time now after i was introduced to ghibli movies and here it is! there is no deadline for this event because i am only accepting a number of requests, further explanation, along with the rules, below.

♡ ─── rules (please read them carefully!)

♡ as i said, there is a set number of requests i will take, one for each prompt. it's first come, first served event. if the first prompt you wanted is already taken you can try asking for another! this post will be updated regularly, so keep an eye out!

♡ i have not added all ghibli movies, just the ones i really like, and got the best prompt for. some of them are only romantic, some are only platonic, and some can be read as both; i'll be sure to mark them so you know!

♡ i am strictly a male and gender-neutral writer, so do not request for female readers. if no gender is stated, it will be written gender neutral.

♡ all my fandoms apply! that being: twisted wonderland, demon slayer, obey me, stardew valley, and fields of mistria.

♡ if the request isn't exactly as you pictured when requesting i apologize! i'm doing my best!

♡ you can choose to switch the roles of the character and the reader.

that's all! if you have any questions, please let me know!

♡ ─── prompts (you can tell a prompt's been taken when a character's name is beside the prompt)

❝ it just takes a while for your memory to come back to you ,,

howl's moving castle ─ feat. elliott

(romantic) prompt: after a run in with the slightly infamous wizard rumored to consume the hearts of that which they deemed most beautiful ─ you were cursed by a very spiteful witch. with nowhere else to go, and no way to break the spell, you have to rely on that same wizard who you learn isn't quite what people say they are; and you fear, you may be falling in love with them.

spirited away ─ feat. ruggie bucchi

prompt: a move to a new place is stressful; only you weren't warned of the possibility of finding yourself in the world of spirits after a wrong turn and an overly curious pair of parents. and now you're left to fend for yourself with the weight of having to rescue your family on your shoulders, before you're trapped there forever and forget who you once were. ─ although, it helps to have someone who seems to know who you are, willing to help.

kiki's delivery service ─ feat. eiland

prompt: when coming of age, you must set out to begin a life as a brand-new witch. and after doing just that, you find yourself in a big city, with new people, interesting sights and ─ a loss of magic? it's an adventure you start to question if you're ready for, but in the end, you're happy to have the people you've met there at your side.

princess mononoke ─ feat. idia shroud

(romantic) prompt: after saving your village from a cursed and rampaging boar, a god, you're suddenly ailed with that same deadly curse. with the consequence of never being able to return again, you set out to rid yourself of this curse, only to find yourself in the middle of a war between humans and the gods of the forest. you meet a human who was raised by gods, with the intention to kill anyone who threatens their home and their family. ─ but perhaps, you realize, you're both in over your head.

my neighbor totoro ─ feat. epel felmier

(platonic) prompt: moving to a new house to reunite and grow closer to your ill mother, you and your sibling hadn't expected to learn your neighbor was a wood spirit, totoro. what awaits you as you set out on this new adventure with your younger sibling and your new otherworldly friends?

whisper of the heart ─ feat. balor

(romantic) prompt: after discovering the person you've had a (one-sided) rivalry with after they'd beaten you to so many books, you're suddenly questioning if you can live up to a purpose you don't have. so, setting out to feel worthy to stand at their side. an unspoken question remains, will you be able to answer it before time runs out?

tales from earthsea ─ feat. floyd leech

prompt: a force has upset the balance of magic as you know it. troubled and with regrets, you set out; it's up to you, to restore the world of magic as it once was. you meet people, both allied and foe. ─ only, something stirs in you, a darkness that eats at you: and the question rises, will you be able to restore order before chaos consumes, or will you give in to that darkness?

castle in the sky ─ feat. malleus draconia

prompt: after witnessing them float down from the sky, straight into your arms, you're unexpectedly drawn into a journey full of pirates, government agents, secrets, unknown identities and ─ flying castles? in your self-given quest to help your new companion, you're wrapped into a world you'd only heard about in stories. will you regret your choice?

that's all! remember this is first come, first served!

do not repost, translate, copy, or run my writing through an ai

[oracle-fae]

a short life update

it's been a while since i've posted. i wanted to share a few things that have been going on with me. back in March i started getting mental health help through a local psychiatry program and was diagnosed with ADHD. i began taking a new medication on top of my antidepressant and was referred for a full psych evaluation. once I spoke with my psychiatrist, she started me on a third medication for anxiety that I can take as needed. she also gave me a referral for a therapist.

i had my first therapy session two days ago and I still feel kind of emotionally exhausted from it after having to bring up a few stressful topics. overall i'm equal parts nervous and excited to finally unbox some of the trauma I've experienced in my life.

it was recommended that I keep a journal for therapy. I used to journal regularly but life got in the way and it became less and less of a priority. I did make a couple of entries over the weekend, though, but I don't have too much to write about as of late.

aside from my mental health, I've been dealing with the day to day stresses of being a mom, wife, and homemaker. my three year old broke his collarbone last week and my 17 month old is now at the age where everything is fascinating and must be touched. my husband works an insane amount of hours for the railroad and hasn't been able to do much besides eat and sleep. so, it's been a hell of a few months to say the least.

i'm still around-ish, but i'm spending more time in books and with my family than I am on the internet. earlier this year I finished the ACOTAR series and took several weeks to regroup. I finished a book called Credence this weekend and am trying to choose between two other books at the moment.

anyway, that's about it. if I get any downtime this coming week I will try to add some things to my queue now that Tumblr is once again fresh in my mind. if I don't, i'll pop back in eventually.

much love xx

[randomboo256]

Yuri Grab-bag 2: Beyond

*technically this isn't solely yuri but shhhhh

Whelp, it's that time again. Last time, I posted a lengthy remaster of a Bluesky thread where I detailed a long list of sapphic-focused manga and webcomics, and today is time for round two. This will be a compilation of my second thread, except this time I'm expanding beyond my original limits.

This post will contain reviews of varying length for any worthwhile comics, manga, and books that I happen to come across that feature heavy LGBT themes. Generally speaking, it will still be yuri-centric.

On that note, I'll let my past self take the wheel:

(Posted on Bluesky — February 10, 2025)

My yuri thread got too long, so I'm starting a sequel thread. If you don't know, this will be a thread where I write "bite-sized" reviews on a lot of LGBT comics/manga/whatever else that I read through. I'll be coming back to regularly update this. It's essentially a detailed recommendations list. I'll likely be focused on stories about queer women, since, y'know, I'm a bi trans gal? However, there may be some exceptions to that rule. Traditionally, I never posted about this kinda stuff, but one thing the world needs right now is more queer stories, and I feel a duty to highlight them.

Our Dreams At Dusk

If you read my yuri thread, you'd have noticed that the stories I discussed were often radically different. It went from as low stakes and ordinary as normal college kids to as high stakes and insane as world destroying threats that must be defeated with the power of love. Despite that wild disparity, I think this might be the most different story from the bunch. First of all, this story is centered on a man, Tasuku Kaname, but secondly, romance isn't the primary genre. Rather, this story is a serious drama that's interested in the LGBT community itself.

The story opens on a gay high school boy, Kaname, who's considering suicide after his classmates found out and began bullying him over his sexuality. However, he became distracted in the midst of that when he saw a person doing freestyle epic parkour. He talks to them, and he ends up ranting about his life. They then suggests him to spend time in a public lounge that they owns, as it's filled with people "like him". Sure enough, he goes, and thus we meet our wider sitcom-esc ensemble cast.

Without going into too heavy detail (as you really should read it), there's an adult lesbian, an adult trans man, an older gay man, a tweenage trans girl, and of course the owner, who's known only as "Someone". Each of them goes through their own problems.

The lesbian wants to marry her girlfriend, but her GF is too scared to come out to her parents.

The trans man has to deal with an old high school friend who's trying to be supportive, but who's acting a bit condescending and insensitive.

The old gay man is dealing with the stress of his partner being in the hospital.

The tween trans girl is still struggling with the early stages of her identity and is feeling doubts and shame over her identity.

Someone-san is asexual, aromantic, agender, and a...everything-else. They pride themselves on not having any labels, even a name. They're unique, as they don't really have a storyline. They mostly keep to themself.

Finally, Kaname has to learn to accept himself and, maybe, ask out his crush.

Personally, I found the story very refreshing after having read so many lesbian stories that don't even say the word "lesbian" once. Going from a story that tries actively to avoid LGBT issues into a story like this is whiplash in the best way. Hell, this is one of the only stories I've read that has trans people in it at all, let alone dive deep into the trans experience with a perfect understanding of it. For this aspect alone, this story is very much worth reading. They even do the unthinkable: say the word "trans"!

what a concept...

Jokes aside, the manga isn't perfect. While it does discuss many LGBT issues with empathy, it does so within a relatively short narrative, so they're kinda fighting for attention. A storyline will receive a lot of focus and development before getting sat aside for like two volumes while they develop other storylines. The most egregious offender is the trans girl. They spent most of Volume 2 setting up her character, before abruptly dropping her on an unsatisfying note. She then didn't appear in Volume 3 *at all* and finally got a rushed resolution (if you can call it that) at the end of the story in Volume 4. Beyond feeling a tad rushed, it could also come off a bit "LGBT PSA" at times. When you're trying to cram so many complex topics into just 4 volumes while also trying to develop a lot of characters, it occasionally comes off as a "A Beginner's Guide to LGBT People", which is a bit heavy handed. But hey, beggars can't be choosers. I'd much rather have this than a story that refuses to acknowledge the queerness at all. But y'know, there's a careful balance you have to strike. Doesn't help that my favorite, the trans girl, who had the most nuanced relationship to their queerness got written out for half of it. Yes, I am bitter about that.

Overall, it's still a fantastic manga that I still highly recommend. All of the characters were very good, and it did get me sobbing a few times. Despite my whining, it's one of the best ones I've talked about yet. You can probably tell considering how long I discussed it. 😓

"bite-sized" huh...

(Posted on Bluesky — February 11, 2025)

My Dearest Nemesis

A romcom webcomic about two lady office workers who've been engaged in a lifelong rivalry. The story is predictable enough, but the character writing is pretty good and I enjoyed the relative realism of the work environment. The comedy is pretty solid as well. Probably the most notable aspect is that one of the ladies, Jiang, reads pretty clearly as autistic-coded, which I think is a great aspect to this comic. It possibly wasn't intentional, but it feels like solid representation nonetheless. This comic is short, so there's no harm in reading it.

(Posted on Bluesky — February 12, 2025)

Shoujo Manga Protagonist X Rival-san

Kimura, a high school girl, has fallen in love with Mizushima, the most popular boy in school. However, Hiyama, the most popular girl in school, wants to prevent the two from getting together, as she is in love... with Kimura.

Wait, this sounds familiar....

If you read my previous thread, I talked briefly about Not-So-Shoujo Love Story, a Webtoon that, on a surface level, seems like the exact same premise. So, what sets these apart? Well, the metanarrative. If you recall, Not-So-Shoujo was all about a manga obsessed tomboy who can't tell apart fiction from reality. Rei was a girl who was convinced that people in real life behave the same as they do in generic stories, and thus viewed everyone around her as walking stereotypes. And so, the supposed "mean girl" Hannah wasn't actually mean in the slightest, and never acted like how Rei expected her to.

Protag x Rival, on the other hand, plays the Shoujo aspect far more straight. All of the main leads feel plucked straight out of a Shoujo story. Kimura is a sweet and shy girl who goes unnoticed, while Hiyama is a menacing and hot-headed trickster who will do anything to get what she wants. Of course, the twist is that instead of scheming to sabotage Kimura, she's scheming to woo her. It's a pretty fun concept, although it didn't quite get as fleshed out as I wanted.

Part of the problem is the structure. This manga was released concurrently as a webcomic and as serialized chapters. The webcomic consisted of a couple pages of build up, leading to a punchline, much like a comic strip. The joke was always the same. "Oh you thought Hiyama was being a villain, but actually she's just gay." It's repetitive, and they often don't further the plot. It's clearly just filler.

As for the actual narrative, it's... weak. It mostly just consists of the "misunderstanding" trope repeated over and over and over ad nauseam. Usually I can tolerate stories filled with tropes, but this one was honestly pushing my limits. At least use several different tropes for fuck's sake. If you're someone who can't stand the parts of Shrek 1 where he got sad after hearing Fiona's talk with Donkey, you'll want to end yourself if you read through this comic. It's that 24/7. GIRLS!!! Just talk to each other!!! Use your words!!! I promise it'll be worth it!!

Anyway, it wasn't all bad. Despite my complaints, it was still a pretty cute story with some really fun character dynamics, and of course some adorable art. I (mostly) enjoyed reading it. Although more than anything, it just makes me want to reread Not So Shoujo Love Story...

(Posted on Bluesky — February 14, 2025)

Always Human

In the 24th century, humankind had fully accepted using "mods" as a core part of daily life. Mods are a type of nanomachine that floats around in your blood that can alter your body in countless ways instantly. Mods have become an essential, near required, part of human existence. Sunati, a 21 yo girl, is one such average person who uses mods nonstop. However, her world-view begins to be challenged when she meets Austin, an 18yo girl whose body is incapable of using mods, leaving her at an innate genetic disadvantage.

Ok, backing up: Always Human is a Webtoon that, despite the cyberpunk-sounding premise, focused on normal (to them) slice-of-life moments between our two lovebirds. It's a story where our leads are written as realistically as possible, and so they all just act like ordinary people. Sunati is kind and very selfless... perhaps to a harmful extent. Her arc was simply to allow herself to be more selfish. Austin is someone who's bitterly insecure and constantly stressed, and she learns to put aside her stress and to accept herself, no matter what others may think. At the same time, she also has to learn that sometimes you can't achieve your dreams due to disability, and instead you need to look for what you can do, which is a painful, yet accurate message.

Overall, the character writing is very strong, and I don't really have any complaints. In fact, pretty much everything the comic did was executed quite well. The presentation is especially jaw-dropping, with a unique beautiful artstyle and a complete OST to accompany every single chapter.

My problems come more from what the comic DIDN'T do. Despite the premise, the 24th century is treated as a utopia throughout the whole comic, and is almost never questioned. Isn't that a waste of potential? It could've been a great source of external conflict, while providing social commentary. Austin's "disability" is mentioned constantly, and it's only ever treated as that: a tragic "disability" that she wishes she could cure. It's very strange, because based on the premise, a society like this sounds frankly horrifying. Yet, this story seems to be fully uncritically in support of this kind of transhumanism, to an almost propagandistic extent. It's kinda weird, but I don't know if it was intentional.

Despite the missed opportunities, Always Human is a great GL story. It's not very long by Webtoon standards, so it's an easy recommendation. I just wish the themes implied by the title and premise were more incorporated into the overall work.

(Posted on Bluesky — March 10, 2025)

I Want To Be A Cute Anime Girl

This one's a bit different, as it's the first one yet to have no prominent romance (at the moment). Instead, it's a *very* slow-paced slice-of-life Webtoon about a young trans girl discovering her identity. I wish I could say more, but that's about all it is. It's a pretty cute story, and it's always nice to see a trans main character. It's a story that's designed to be very lightweight and wholesome, which is cute, albeit a tad boring. It's mostly structured like a four panel comic strip, with a build up and punchline for each week.

My only real complaint is that the pacing of the comic is a bit frustrating. A single conversation will span many chapters, and I'd like if it'd just speed up a bit. Other stories I've read have achieved much more with less runtime. That said it's ultimately just a sweet little comfort Webtoon, so I can recommend it in that sense. Just don't go in expecting drama of any kind.

I actually have a personal story with this comic, as it was one of the earliest stories I found that starred a transgender woman, so it was actually pretty meaningful to me in the early stages of my transition. Honestly, it was just nice to finally see how the story developed after all this time.

(Posted on Bluesky — March 14, 2025)

The Mimosa Confessions (Vol. 1 - Vol. 3)

This is the most strikingly different entry across my two lists so far, for several reasons. Firstly, this ain't no comic. This is just a plain old book series (or, more accurately, a light novel series). Secondly, while queerness is a very major aspect, it's not the sole focus. Finally, this is the first story I've discussed whose main character is a cishet male. So how is it queer? Well...

Sakuma Kamiki was a pretty standard high-schooler who mostly just kept to himself without any real friends. That was, until one fateful day where his whole school life changed. As a starter, he managed to befriend a sweet, albeit clumsy, girl named Natsuki Hoshihara, whom he immediately developed a crush on. More importantly however, while he was out late at night, he stumbled across Ushio Tsukinoki, the most popular boy in school, crying alone in a dimly lit park. Except... Ushio was dressed like a girl. When Sakuma tried to ask questions, Ushio got overwhelmed, panicked, and ran.

After that, Ushio didn't attend school for over two weeks. Eventually, Ushio finally returned to class... in a girl's uniform. Ushio then came out as a trans woman, to immediate repercussions. She was immediately faced with severe bullying coming from the whole school, quickly turning her from the most popular boy to the most disliked girl. Chief among the backlash stood Arisa Nishizono, an aggressive "mean girl" type who had gleefully spent the majority of her time spouting vile transphobic rhetoric while simultaneously using every opportunity to torture Ushio as much as possible.

In the face of this intense backlash, the only people who decided to stand by Ushio were Sakuma and Natsuki. The three became a nervous trio, as her friends did their best to help her, although, not with relationship drama of their own. As quickly comes apparent to Sakuma, the three of them are locked in an unusual love triangle. Firstly, Sakuma has a crush on Natsuki, but is too nervous to tell. Secondly, Natsuki has a long-standing crush on Ushio, but she's unsure about what that crush means now that Ushio transitioned. Finally, Ushio has a crush on Sakuma, but she assumes Sakuma doesn't feel attracted to her, leading to deep insecurities on her part. And so, the three of them are just locked like that, with nobody able or willing to make a move, and all of them just quietly trying to bury their feelings.

I'd say more, but for now I'll leave my summary there for the sake of spoilers. As you might guess, this story touches on a lot of themes that ring close to home for me. It unapologetically touches on all aspects of transness with an empathetic, albeit brutally realistic, touch, but that's not all. It also manages to do that without making the story focus solely on being transgender. In fact, after Volume 1, we start stepping back and begin breaking down our other cast members, to incredible results. In fact, I'd say that Volume 3, the one with the least direct focus on it, was the highlight.

In Vol. 3, we spend a lot of time developing our antagonist: Arisa Nishizono, the mean girl. We get to see how that kind of hate isolates you, before she eventually breaks under the weight of her own misdeeds. Her slow spiral was incredible to behold, as we spent a huge portion of the book switched into her POV as we watched her descent into a self-loathing madness. It was masterful character work, and it ended up being my favorite highlight so far. I'd describe it more, but I've already said too much.

Overall, these first three volumes are amazing. I highly recommend giving this series a read. Of all the stories I've discussed for these threads so far, this is one of the ones I can recommend the most, which is saying a lot considering how much I loved a lot of these.

Can't wait for Vol. 4 and 5!

(Posted on Bluesky — April 13, 2025)

My Girlfriend's Not Here Today

It's a toxic yuri about cheating. Honestly I'd like to say more, but I don't really have much to say about it. It's basically a soap opera. It's an enjoyable enough read, but it's not particularly interesting. If it sounds up your alley, go for it.

(current day)

Ok, that review was pathetically short even my standards. I mostly wrote it like that because I was in a hurry. The plot of this one is pretty tangled, so I didn't even want to bother trying to explain it at the time. To make up for that past laziness, I'll do my best to rundown a basic plot recap, although I'm just going off memory here as it's been a while since I read it and I can't be bothered to reread it. I'm terrible at remembering names, so I'll just use placeholder names.

From what I recall, the plot began with Girl A being upset over her relationship with Girl B, as Girl B both doesn't spend enough time with her, instead opting to focus on school sports. She also refuses to let the two of them come out as gay publicly, as she's worried about bullying. So, Girl B pretends not to know her while they're in public, which is a taking a serious toll on Girl A, who just wants the two to come out already and ignore what others have to say. The two girls do honestly love each other and mean well, but right now Girl B is simply not meeting Girl A's needs.

Girl A, stuck with a lot of free time as she waits daily for her girlfriend to finish volleyball practice, ends up using it by venting her relationship struggles on her anonymous Twitter account. Finally, enter Girl C, who reveals that she discovered Girl A's account and knows that it's her. Girl A is mortified that anybody found out about them, so to make sure that Girl C doesn't tell anyone, she nervously accompanies her. Soon enough, Girl C tells her that what she actually wants is to be Girl A's side-bitch. Obviously, Girl A refuses, but that didn't save her from weeks of obsessive pursuing from Girl C. Meanwhile, Girl B is growing increasingly self-centered, as she's beginning to forget anniversaries while also making expensive requests that Girl A can't afford. Seeing an opportunity, Girl C offers up the cash in exchange for a date, and so, desperate for the money, Girl A accepts the devil's bargain and ends up cheating on her GF.

From there, it's one drama after another as Girl A desperately tries to cover the cheating up, while also dealing with the guilt of it as she tries to push Girl C away. Meanwhile, Girl C was secretly fanning the flames, as her entire goal was actually to force the two to break up in order to have Girl A all to herself. This all eventually climaxes with Girl B finding out about everything, and yet, she doesn't hate Girl A for it. Girl B knows that the way she's been treating her was wrong, and promises that the two of them can just start over and treat each right from the get-go. Girl A happily accepts the offer, and the two leave in each other's arms as Girl C has a meltdown over her plan failing.

I mean, that sounds like a solid story, right? So, why was I so underwhelmed by it? Well, because somehow the story didn't end there. It seems like, based on how the current arc was looking at the time of my reading of it, Girl A was starting to miss Girl C and was probably gonna start cheating again... which... ugh. If I had to guess the actual ending, it'll probably be Girl A dating Girl C, which I'm sorry but Girl C was simply not sympathetic enough to make me want to root for her. She was consistently framed as a villain, so the writer has a real task ahead of them if they want an ending like that to be satisfying. At any rate, I'm having trouble guessing what the moral of the story could be...

In any case, it's not an awful yuri, but (as you can tell) it's not one I'm likely going to reread, even for something as simple as this blog post. To reiterate my past self, if this story sounds like something you'd like, go ahead and hop right into it.

(Posted on Bluesky — May 14, 2025)

Sugar Girl Drip

This one's one of the darkest yet, and it has a lot of intense themes alongside graphic violence. Without spoiling much, the plot is about two women who've both undergone severe domestic abuse learning to heal together... while also trying to get away with murder on the side. The artstyle and writing is really strong, and I really have no complaints in those regards. Both of our main leads have so much character growth over the relatively short runtime of this story, and it all manages to feel natural. However, to explain any further, I'll have to do a plot recap.

The story frequently mentions the concept of fulfilling one's own wishes. Our main lead, Marie, is a girl who, after her abusive childhood, vowed to devote her life solely to fulling her wishes. She managed to do so, and got herself a seemingly picture perfect life as an Instagram celeb. However, despite the fact that she had everything she wanted, she still felt hollow. It wasn't until she met Aki, her coworker at a café, that the meaning of her life began to change. As for Aki, she was a meek girl who hated herself and simply did whatever who told her to. As we come to learn, that came from Aki's own childhood trauma. While Marie decided to live as selfishly as possible as a way to spite her past abuse, Aki internalized it, and truly believed that her life had no value. Aki had no wishes, no dreams, and allowed herself to get roped up into one abusive scenario after another, eventually leading to her current one.

As we find out, the owner of the cafe was an abusive freak who made dirty money by filming himself assaulting Aki, to which she put up little resistance. The owner then got tired of Aki, and tried to abuse Marie in the same way. However, in an unfiltered act of desperation, Marie promptly grabbed a baseball bat and mercilessly beat him to death. Aki witnessed the event, yet seemed unfazed, and so the two of them became reluctant accomplices in crime. Since Aki had no home, she moved in with Marie. While Aki was simply happy to have a new friend, Marie was solely concerned with making sure Aki didn't run her loose lips.

From there, we had one drama after another as they covered their tracks, and along the way the two of them grew closer together. At the start, Marie insisted that she will "fix" Aki, by trying to force Aki down the same self-serving path that she had took. To an extent, Marie's attempt at "mental reformation" in Aki was a success, as through Marie's constant efforts, Aki began to express some small wishes of her own. However, Aki never fully followed Marie's path, and instead found something more meaningful than Marie's temporary desires: Marie herself. Eventually, Marie, via some heartrending scenes of her worrying for Aki's wellbeing, realized that she felt the same way, but was now racked with guilt, and so she confessed everything, from her childhood trauma, to her selfishness, to her mistreatment of Aki, and to her newfound love. Marie says that she's afraid that she'll wind up getting Aki hurt again and wants her to leave, but Aki ignores her and gives her a kiss. From there, the two grow even closer, with Marie realizing that, when Aki is by her side, that hollow feeling in her chest is finally able to vanish.

I'll end my recap there. The story technically is still ongoing, but for my money, that's a complete and satisfying narrative.

When you lay it out like this, the moral is rather simple, right? Hiding your trauma behind meaningless desires will never heal the wound. Only by sharing your pain with others will you finally be able to save your soul. It's a story about learning to open up, and of course, it's also a story about falling in love. Through love, the two girls were able to fill the hollow void in their hearts. Despite the subject matter, it's a very sweet message at the end of the day. Overall, I highly recommend this one.

And with that, we end another installment of Yuri Grab-bag. I told you it was gonna be a series, didn't I? Jokes aside, jeez this round got a lot more intense, didn't it? Themes of queerphobia, disability, bullying, cheating, childhood domestic abuse... yeah, this was certainly a lot less lighthearted than my previous affair. I certainly didn't intend for that to be a running theme. It just kinda worked out that way...

On the bright side, we managed to step further outside the realm of pure Yuri romance. We've been seeing more stories that deal with conflicts outside the core romance, stories with less focus on romance in general, and even some that tap into transgender issues. At this point, I'm wondering if I should rename this series, but at the end of the day, the core end-goal is the same: to bring attention to queer works that I've read recently.

If you enjoyed this post, then the first thing you should do is to check out everything I recommended just now. After that, you can follow me on Bluesky so you can see these updated in real time. Alternatively, you can just sit here on my blog and wait for the next installment of Yuri Grab-bag!

I guess the moral of this thread is that, no matter how hard things get, to always search for community with others. Whether that be a community as large as spanning the globe, or as small as two people who only care about each other, we're better off together than we are alone. In times like these, I think that's something that everyone should take to heart.

unless you're cheating on your girlfriend, in which case GET FUCKED

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Talkin bout life beneath the cut.

Hm... I guess it's a business as usual situation.

One new thing: I'm much fitter. I've been working out regularly, to measurable results. My resting heart rate went down (very important, as my family history is riddled with heart problems), I'm building muscle and strength. What I am not doing is losing weight, alas. I've been trying harder on that front recently, and oh my god, the absolute hangryness. Unbelievable. I'm not even undereating! I'm just eating better, but of course, healthier food tends to be less calorically dense (not always- almonds, my beloved).

I also scheduled my vacation to Japan with my husband. We've wanted to go since we were kids. You know, we've been married nearly 10 years, and we have never left the country together? That's partly because of the pandemic- Japan hasn't been open to tourists all that long. But... Man. I've been dreaming about going to Japan for about... God, idk, 17 years? And yet, I'm dreading it? And we haven't planned a thing beyond purchasing plane tickets? It's an amazing chance and I'm so blessed and I do not have the spoons to plan/prepare/research.

Work is rough. It's always rough. I've adjusted in the sense that I have gained skills I need and I've learned that I will never be on top of things and I must be comfortable with letting stuff pile up, because it's literally impossible to avoid. I'm always being assigned stuff that, "hey no one has been able to do this, but you have a go." The wild thing is that sometimes- sometimes, my colleagues and I pull it off.

I've never worked with such talented people. Everyone is nice and wildly intelligent. But this place is a frothing ball of chaos. Apparently, there is a reorganization next week. My anxiety is fine with that (sarcasm). There are too many employees, not enough instruments/space/supplies. I clocked 5,000 steps a few days ago scouring the huge facility for the basic tools I needed to do my experiment that day. I'm losing sleep stressing about the next work day.

I'm experiencing that awful sensation again of losing myself to work stress and exhaustion. I am not sure what to do, even though I've been dealing with this and struggling to manage it for years.

Creatively, it's been harder to find time/have interest. But the habits I've spent 10+ years building are carrying me, and I am still showing up for my projects and myself at least 30 min per day. I'll be updating Puits d'Amour Monday, as planned.

You know, I'm not sure where I'm going to go, creatively, after PdA. I know I want to finish it before I launch anything else, because it does have an ending in sight. I'm growing more cognizant that, well... My writing is great, and I already have the habits I need to finish and refine projects. Should I be pursuing that? Like, as a potential income source? I've fought my way to a fair salary (I wouldn't even say good, just not exploitative, and yes, that was a battle) in biotech. I do interesting and meaningful work. But I'm beyond burnt out.

I don't know, it's a lot to think about. But I do know that I'll continue creating, because it helps keep me sane.

I hope you're all doing well! I'm overdue to exercise, so I need to go. Take care, big kiss!

[ultragrasseater]

WOW finished this pretty quick. I had a lot of extra time in french class today and I got most of it done. I hope y'all like it. I'm still trying to figure out how to connect the manga and this fic but I think I'm doing better. My overall dialogue and formatting are getting better. I'm learning LMAO. Don't expect me to update regularly or even often.

Rei turns out to be alive but there is something she's holding back from telling Shinji, or maybe she isn't allowed to... Shinji and Kaworu spend more time together after a stressful few days. You can find this on AO3 here

Unfortunately, this peace would be short-lived. The abrupt ringing of Shinji's cell startled both of them

Shinji exclaimed, “Ayanami is alive!?” He immediately felt relief wash over him.

He replied to Misato “I’ll be there as soon as I can”. Shinji immediately jumped out of Kaworu’s bed and shuffled to his door to put on his shoes. Shinji ran out the door, his heart beating out of his chest. Kaworu was left alone in his room, he thought, it’s funny how he didn’t say goodbye.

Shinji and Misato ran to the infirmary ward to see Ayanami. They found her standing by the window looking out at the Geofront. Shinji, upon seeing her, erupted into tears.

“Thank goodness you’re okay” he managed to choke out between sobs. “Don’t ever do something that reckless again!” Shinji lightheartedly scolded. Ayanami paused, looking confused. She responded to him, “What do you mean?”

Shinji was taken aback by her response, “What do I mean…? You saved me, even by self-destructing EVA--00.” Shinji explained

“I see… I saved you” Ayanami replied. Shinji thought to himself, she must have forgotten because of her head injury.

He then questioned, “You don’t remember?” Ayanami was acting unusual. She did just escape death after all.

Ayanami answered him, “No, I don’t know that…because I think, probably, I am the third one.” This confused Shinji, what did she mean by “the third one.” This must be part of the confusing secrets of NERV, the angels, and the EVAs.

Shinji inquired, “The third one? What do you mean by the third one?” Ayanami opened her mouth to speak but was quickly interrupted by Ritsuko.

“Rei, I thought I asked you specifically not to wander around. Go back to your hospital room.”

“Yes, Ma'am,” Ayanami replied, turning away from Shinji to follow her orders. Shinji called out to her, but to no avail.

Shinji walks back to Kaworu’s room, happy to see him again. He walked in and saw Kaworu laying on his bed, reading some sort of magazine. He darted his eyes towards Shinji and asked, “Do you have to leave?”

Shinji looked down and responded, “ Yeah… I’m sorry for crashing here so long.”

Kaworu smirked at him, “You’re sorry? You don’t really mean that, do you?” He was right. Shinji wasn’t sorry, so he walked back over to Kaworu and sat down next to him on the bed.

“You’re right. I’m not sorry,” he smiled. Kaworu sat up and grabbed Shinji’s hand. Shinji thought, it’s cold. They intertwined their fingers and sat together in silence for a moment. Kaworu decided he would propose something.

“Why don’t we go out?” Shinji looked at him, unsure if he was being serious.

Kaworu started again, “We should do something to destress and I’m really bored right now.” Shinji didn’t know what to say. He was afraid because not only would this be his first date, but he would also be going with another boy. What would everyone think? Shinji didn’t realise he had been staring at Kaworu.

He looked at Shinji with a perplexed look, “Shinji, are you okay? You’re staring at me. Do you wanna go out or not?”

Shinji snapped back into reality and stammered, “I… Uhm, I’m not… I’m not sure if that's a good idea.” Kaworu was annoyed, I knew he would act like this . Shinji could see he was upset and thought, why would anyone want to hang out with me . Shinji got up off the bed.

“Hey, where are you going?” Kaworu blurted, grabbing Shinji’s arm.

“I’m sorry… I have to go.” Shinji wriggled his arm out of his grip and left, slamming the door (accidentally) behind him. Kaworu was now really upset with him, what is he so afraid of? He’s acting so self-centered. I bet if Ayanami asked him out he’d accept. Kaworu laid back on his bed and began to read again, marinating in his discontent.

An hour or two passed after Shinji stormed out of the room. He began to realise that he left Kaworu hanging, slammed his door, and said hanging out would be “a bad idea”. Shinji decided he would go back and apologise. He might even accept Kaworu’s offer and go out. He bid Misato goodbye and told her he wouldn’t be back after a while.

Shinji finally arrived at Kaworu’s place and knocked on his door. Kaworu was surprised, so he actually came back, he chuckled. He opened the door and let Shinji in.

Shinji immediately started to apologise, “I’m so sorry Kaworu. I left you after you asked me a simple question. I was just nervous because I’ve never been on a date before and I was scared of what other people would think.”

Kaworu smiled at him, “I accept your apology. So let’s grab some lunch somewhere.” He kissed him on the cheek and grabbed his shoes.

The two walked to the lake where they first met after grabbing food at a nearby gas station. Shinji opened his phone and checked his voicemail.

“Ikari? It’s me, Kensuke. I’m sorry… but I'm going to leave without seeing you. What I’m trying to say is… There’s a chance we may never see each other again, and… I mean don’t you agree?

It’s… It’s just impossible for you to hang out like we used to before. Well, good luck. Bye.” Shinji felt empty.

He began to speak, “Everybody’s left. All my friends are-”

“And me?” Kaworu interrupted. “Do you not consider me your friend?” Shinji looked at him, remembering that he wasn’t alone.

“Hey. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I thought you were further back.” Shinji confessed. “Well? What am I to you, Shinji Ikari?” Kaworu inquired. Shinji blushed, feeling embarrassed.

“You… Well, you’re more than a friend to me, I think.” He managed to reply.

“Maybe, I was born to meet you,” Kaworu stated. Shinji’s heart was beating out of his chest. His mind was racing more than ever.

“W-what?”

“I’m saying I love you, Shinji.” Kaworu felt alive. He turned towards Shinji and carefully placed his hand on his cheek. Shinji felt the magnetic pull of their hearts and leaned in, kissing Kaworu once more. Kaworu kissed him back before pulling away. Shinji opened his eyes and looked into Kaworu’s.

Kaworu smiled at him before speaking again, “Let’s eat now. I’m starving.”

They began to eat their gas station Bentos. They were sitting on the bank of the red, bloodlike lake. Shinji looked down at his meal of rice, red bean paste, and natto. It was his usual and he liked to wash it down with orange juice. Kaworu had the same, as he rarely bought gas station food but instead of orange juice, he had coffee. It was his favorite beverage.

Shinji asked, "How do you even drink that? It's so bitter." Kaworu thought it was funny how Shinji didn't seem to like the bitter taste, instead opting for sugary juice.

"I like it because the bitterness cuts through textures that stick in your mouth. It pairs really well with the slimy texture of the natto," Kaworu explained.

Shinji laughed, he sounds so sophisticated and pretentious . They talked about more stupid topics after finishing their Bentos, and for once Shinji didn't feel alone. He mainly listened to Kaworu talk about his love of piano, which Shinji could relate to on some level. Shinji played the cello but it was simply because he was good at it, and not because of any sort of real enjoyment. Shinji struggled with passion. It was something that he very rarely felt, and if he did it was usually anger or frustration.

That is until he met Kaworu. Kaworu made him feel like he was finally seeing in color, after years of living in monochrome. Shinji’s passion for him started out as resentment. He hated him because he was like an idealised version of himself. He was perfect, but as Shinji came to find, that was not the case. He could be abrasive or uncaring, while not being positive attributes, it made Shinji feel less threatened. He also discovered that Kaworu’s careless behavior was because he was similar to Ayanami in a way he couldn’t describe. It may be because they both

don’t seem to care about themselves, but each expressed it in a different way. Ayanami allows herself to be used as a weapon to NERV, while Kaworu instead seeks out an understanding of how other people care about their lives and feelings. The sun was beginning to set over the red lake, blindingly bright. Kaworu looked at Shinji and moved closer towards him.

“Wanna kiss again?” Kaworu inquired. Shinji was very happy with this request.

“Yeah I’d like that” He answered. Kaworu slowly moved in, placing his hands on Shinji’s sides, dangerous, he remarked. Kaworu pressed his lips against Shinji’s. Shinji responded by kissing back. He remarked how soft his lips were, he must keep chapstick with him all the time Jesus Christ. Kaworu’s hands ghosted over his chest and settled on his neck, finding its place.

Shinji pulled away, “We should get going now. It’s been a nice day with you.” Kaworu pecked him once more before replying.

“Okay, we can walk together, as we’re going in the same direction,” He stated. They started their walk home, hands intertwined. It was a short walk so they got to NERV headquarters pretty quickly.

“Have a goodnight,” Shinji said, bidding farewell to his date.

“You too, Shinji,” Kaworu replied.

Shinji walked home. When he got to the apartment he ran to his room, briefly greeting Misato. He jumped onto his bed and, admittedly, he squealed into his pillow. This was the happiest he had ever been.

you’re just like an angel, your skin makes me cry

I’ve been working on this for so long because I ended up dropping it for a bit when my grades and hyper fixation started to decline. BUT HERE IT IS!! I might write further but that would mean that the minor canon divergence would become major. I’d make Kaworu a pilot so I could develop their relationship rather than Kaworu just straight up DIE. Also, don’t knock me for naming this after a lyric in Radiohead’s Creep. You know damn well Shinji listens to male manipulator music

After Rei’s death Shinji and Kaworu get into a verbal fight and Shinji passes out. He then stays the night with Kaworu in order to avoid Misato. You can find this on AO3 here

Shinji was complex. To others, his behavior was erratic and unexplainable and he knew no one understood him. He didn’t think anyone had the capacity to, but when Shinji stayed the night at Kaworu’s he had not expected for his expectations to be subverted by this boy. Shinji had a habit of running away whenever things got tough but this time was different. Shinji had just lost his friend and fellow pilot Rei Ayanami and he was overtaken by pain and guilt. Ayanami was kind and gentle to him, unlike Asuka. Asuka was cruel and made life a living hell. Shinji knew he couldn’t go home. He didn’t want to see Misato, or even hear her attempts to cheer him up.

Shinji just needed space, from all of it. There was really only one option, to stay the night with Kaworu. Shinji had a habit of passing out. To wear the plugsuit he had to bind his chest (which was not good for him but, what did NERV care). Shinji had known Kaworu and the rest of the Children for a very short while but from what he gathered, Kaworu was very opinionated. After the battle that killed Ayanami, Kaworu and Shinji got in a small verbal fight and the Shinji’s excessive binding plus him grabbing Kaworu caused him to pass out from stress. Shinji later woke up in Kaworu’s apartment and decided to stay there seeing his situation.

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