#alekz talks

[prehistoricmancunt]

I’m functionally unemployed (I work a max of 10 hrs a week w my one job, my second job has odd hours available bc it’s a theater and most of the available hours overlap with the few hours I work at my first job) and I used to have more reliable hours w my job but I simply do not anymore and I can’t apply to jobs until I get back from Christmas at my dad’s bc I need to actually be available to start a job in case they want to hire me and so I’m just fucking home doing nothing all day and it is not fun I’m not having a good time. I’m so fucking depressed, I have nothing to be awake for. I sleep for min 12 hours. I’m trying to work on art stuff but after a couple hours that’s done and I’m left with just me and my phone again. I wish I was on my phone less but I’m too depressed to move most of the time. And it doesn’t help that I feel deeply unheard on my stupid apps 90% of the time. I know when I make a post saying I feel unheard I have people reach out and I really do appreciate that but I do wish I was acknowledged the rest of the time. Whatever. I’m just so sick of not doing anything that matters, not contributing anything that matters, not doing anything period. I just wish I had a reason to be awake and in the world. I know this is so small and dumb in the scheme of the actual whole wide world but unfortunately I am only myself so when I myself have nothing to live for well. That’s all I can experience.

[t4twolfstar]

Bestie what're your all time favourite hp/marauders hcs?

good question and i know I'm going to forget a million things bc i don’t actively think of them like when i think of characters it's more of a vibe, an aura if you will but i will try my best

all the weird remus hcs he is just a goofy guy

remus darns/mends all his clothes

the other marauders get more into visible mending bc of him and are excited when some of their clothes tear x

peter is quiet and james is the one that always says like "what were you saying pete?" when sirius and remus talk over him and nods at him to make him feel heard. i guess they all take turns being selfish and talking over him and being empathetic and giving him the time of the day

they’re all artists to varying degrees (i think everyone is tho intentionally or not tbh) yall all know how i feel abt that tho

peter photographer/drawer tbh i never thought about it till your ask the other day and now I'm like. yeah. sold. of course. bc he is so quiet and small people don’t notice him and he's able to capture tender moments x

sirius starts doing a lot of things to spite his parents and they turn into habits he can't shake like biting his nails and laughing too loud and smoking and he's vegetarian adjacent for this reason

james has trichotillomania (he's always mussing his hair in canon and constantly touching your hair is a common trich thing)

i mean duh sirius and remus are gender queer/gender fluid/nonbinary

peter does the stick n pokes

all the marauders wear loud outrageous clothes

marauders learned to astral project in trelawney's class and mastered it so they could meet up in their dreams during the summer when they were away and hang out bc they're weird and obsessive

yk how everyone says they're smelly? yeah no they can smell themselves but think the BO smell is sexy and think they can appeal to the people who like them with their pheromones.

Molly is a kitchen witch (like obviously but really not just in jkr's stupid dumb way) she's super into divination so all the weasley's are

hermione, ever the virgo, was a skeptic but after being around ron long enough, who loves divination, def uses it now x

hermione and molly stitch sigils into everything x

harry uses playing cards and bibliomancy and mundane objects for divination when he's in privet dr x

like everyone is polyam and queer

remus makes so many off hand dead mom jokes the same way sirius makes offhand abuse/disowning jokes peter also has a dead sister so he gets it

after the war sirius has major death anxiety (remus had too after his mom but was better by the time sirius got it) x

the one i have no control over that's going to sound buck wild is that sirius' animagus is a cat bc i don't like dogs aksdjflakd but that's just a little personal secret one i don’t do anything w bc i know it's wrong

ok i wanted to link to other posts i made abt specific points bc..idk aquarius moon or something so the x next to a point is a link

[woundjob]

okay but sirius getting tattoos in the exact same place that remus has scars

also guess who am i raviii

oh this is a cool idea!! i especially like if we r going by the hc that a good chunk of his ink is prison tatts, him remembering specific spots where remus had scars while in prison

[trigazyelevationtime-blog]

 Truly 2017 Hasn't Been An Easy Journey; But We So Glad We Made An Impact With The Support We Got!!  Personally  I Would Love To Thank Certain People Who Became A Ladder To Me in 2017 As My Career Is Concerned.... I Start With My Family (VaaGaFamily) The Going In And Out Hasn't Been Easy;There Where Days When Things Got Really Ugly But You Stood By Me Despite The Facts I Really Appreciate Your Efforts Of Believing And Supporting Me Through Thick And Thin;Having You Guys Is a Blessings Bless Up Sugar Quaye Of 24 Frames We Got Ourselves The Most Talked About Video Of The Year "Gramster" You Did A Great Work On That Blood Bless Up Sadiq Abdulai Abu & Ezekiel Tetteh The Organisers Of 30minitz Sallah Street Carnival For Giving Me A Chance To Exploit My Talent To The Mass Not Forgetting Hafiz Kpenge I Salute The Whole Of Irie ites Team, I Would Say 50% Of My Works This Year Was With Irie Ites Studio, Of Which I Say A Prayer Of Prosperity, LongLife And Blessings To The C.eo Alekz Adamz And The Manager Nana Yaw Asare Not Forgetting The Producers CaskeysOnit And Donald Loony Tunz And All The Staffs;May We Live To See Irie Ites Grow Bigger Talking About Producers I Got Much Love From Cisse Mohammed DE Falcon Don Quiky Nana WayneGh Musty Beatz  I'm So Much Grateful For The  Support Given Guys..... I Appreciate!! I Still Say A Big Thank You To Atom Reloaded For Putting Me On His Song "Yaajisu" A Mileage One Could Ever Get As An Upcoming Artiste Not Forgetting Tino Gh Fear No Evil Was A Big Tune Too,As Well As Dahlin Boss Di Maestro Wah Do Dem; And Every Artiste Who Got Me On Their Songs!! Big Up Every Fan Who Became A Blogger Just To See My Works Up There; With Some Awesome Blogs You Spread Over Facebook Twitter And Instagram. Season 1 Of One On One Fb Live Was Awesome,Thanks To David Okyere The C.e.o Of Blackbone Imprints For The Location Used... The Guests And All The Viewers who Made The Show Proactive,The Man Behind The Camera Gucci Lee And All  My Crew Members I Must Say You Did A Great Job..... I Salute Mohammed Wayne Jnr Of Raising Buzz Whom Has Been Supportive From Day One Nelson M. Jnr Of Rising Stars Thank You So Much For Appreciating My Talent; I Loved

[lloydcg]

Thanks for making Alekz so happy! I've never seen him so happy to talk about his private life as he does!! Are u trying to move to LA with him?

We're not together anymore, I'm sure we had happy moments but I don't think he was happy and yes I was moving to LA for him but no not anymore.

[prehistoricmancunt]

realizing how lonely I am and just want I mean by that

For a long time, this feeling of loneliness has been amorphous and indescribable and I am finally beginning to be able to pin it down. 

For years - for most of my life - I’ve been quick to make deep, meaningful friendships. I’ve been able to spend every day at a friends’ house, I’ve been able to text a friend and ask to hang out and usually someone would be able to take me up on the offer. This was true until college - new york with the tiny town, Arkansas with the friends close enough we could walk to each other’s houses and knock on the door and ask if they could come out to play, college where we all live on campus. And then covid and then North Dakota and then adulthood. 

I have friends. I do and I know this and I feel this. But it’s not the same. At all. And I’m realizing this all now bc I just processed that I’m jealous that my roommate - almost every day - is able to just text someone and decide to go hang out with them.

And I used to have that. And now all my friend are too busy, and I like the hanging out in silence, the parallel play, the enjoying each other’s company. And who has time for that? 

Literally until covid shut us down and locked me away in my house, I hadn’t been the type to spend long periods of time in my own home, much less with my family. I was always with a friend, at their house, and home was where I landed in between those times. And when I was home I was in my room, and that has always been a refuge, a reprieve. But now it’s all I have. I don’t get to just text someone and ask to hang out. If I hang out it’s with one friend a month for a couple hours planned in advance. And it’s fucking brutally demoralizing. My friends were always my reason. And I’m just left here rotting at home, no sense of myself or my place in the world, and it’s boring and it’s lonely. It’s so fucking lonely. It feels pathetic and cruel and mean and there’s nothing else for it. 

and my friends are too busy to text even, so i don't even get the synthetic middle ground of texting people. I'm an introvert, that's true, but it doesn't mean I don’t crave connection or community or interaction. I don't have anyone to talk to, even people on the internet hardly see me anymore. I just sleep and work the couple hours i get a week and read a truly sickening, eye crossing amount of fanfiction because at least in some tiny world i get to share in and almost experience being seen and being understood and being loved and being craved.

[prehistoricmancunt]

hi alekz! i'm a (shy) mutual and subscriber to your amazing substack, and was wondering if you take recommendations for depictions of grief and loss in media? or if you have any thoughts on depictions of grief that deeply resonate even when the loss is of a completely different type? i've come across this and need to talk about it, but wasn't sure how to or how to start

Hi!! Yes absolutely, I’m always open to hear what you think I should explore!

And yes, this sounds like you might be talking about vicarious grief! Vicarious grief is when you experience feelings of grief from hearing about/seeing/etc a loss that reminds you of your own losses, or just affects you on a human, empathetic level.

Yay thanks for engaging w me!!! Lmk what else I can talk about!

[prehistoricmancunt]

[prehistoricmancunt]

blurred highway at dusk

oil and acrylic on canvas

2021

[prehistoricmancunt]

[“I wish all people who want/need gender affirming surgery a very access to it”]

[prehistoricmancunt]

"Pulling your hair isn’t an inherently bad thing. It’s a coping mechanism that, while leaving aesthetic damage, usually isnt hurting you. The stigma around baldness and thin hair, especially for women and people perceived as women is largely what make trichotillomania feel like such a “bad” disorder. The societal expectation to have perfect hair and to be a certain type of beautiful is a heavy burden to carry, and if you don’t live up to those expectations you’re still valuable and important, with so much more to offer the world than another thick head of hair.

That being said, it’s understandable and admirable if you want to stop pulling your hair or learn how to manage the urges. But throughout the process, remember to be kind to yourself. You will slip up, you will relapse. You might go a week without pulling only to pull again on the 8th day. When this happens, recognize that an entire week or day or hour free of pulling is a massive feat. Try to reorient your goals. Instead of aiming to have a streak of days with NO PULLING, aim for a streak of days with reduced pulling. A streak of days where you pull less than 50 hairs, or whatever is a feasible goal where you are now. Aiming for days and days without pulling is setting yourself up for disappointment and failure, because slip ups will happen. React to these slip ups as if it’s your best friend. You wouldn’t tell them they’re failures, or ugly, or stupid. Neither are you."

- tip #19, Be Kind to Yourself from my Trich Tips booklet

[prehistoricmancunt]

“I saw myself reach for the telephone / this morning, and my yearning / got to speak for hours” (digital collage poetry)

[prehistoricmancunt]

anyway, marcel duchamp didn’t create the fountain

[prehistoricmancunt]

“this bloody self / wants / like a scorpion” (collage poetry)

[prehistoricmancunt]

my mother always hated that she was aging.

that she could seem to feel herself growing old,

that the corners of her eyes that bunched together when she smiled decided to settle in permanently,

that her forehead rippled, that her hair was growing in gray.

she hated that she was almost fifty, grimacing something she thought was a smile when someone mentioned it,

still feeling like the little girl who meant to die was she was sixteen now thirty years older.

these thirty years seemed to weigh on her not as a gift but as a deep burden

and she was afraid of watching herself begin to hunch under it.

the little girl now an old lady with grown children just this side of being an empty nester.

she couldn’t stand that when she looked in the mirror she began to see her mother.

she saw gray and felt brittle,

saw wrinkles and felt wilted

so she set herself on fire,

fossilizing herself before she could become any older,

any more forgetful, any softer.

funny how she didn’t seem to realize that she’d be more like her mom now than she ever was

dust in a box

truly wilted now.

10-15-21

[prehistoricmancunt]

furthermore cannot stop thinking abt this