#alien and human

[artsy-writy]

Humans are fucking masochists. Like humans will eat spicy food even if their eyes start burning and they start dissipating from the spice.

Alien: I found this absolute hazardous material in your home planet and I am quite scared for how to dispose of it.

Human: Oh dear, what is it? Maybe I'd know what to do. Uranium? Mercury?

Alien: Uh...I'm not sure but my fellow crewmate tried to inhale it and...they started coughing a lot and their eyes became irritated and I can't even imagine what would have happened if they put it in their mouth.

Human: Oh...um, can you show me?

Alien: *brings out the hazardous material in a glass, secure container*

Human: That's...that's a freaking pepper.

Alien: You know what it is? Now tell me, how do we dispose of it?

Human: Y-you don't dispose it! You eat it!!

Alien: ...what.

Human: *opens container and starts biting into it to show the alien and starts enjoying the snack half-way* ooh, that's gooooodddd *tears running down their cheeks*

Alien: *slowly backs away while making eye-contact* ...make yourself seem bigger to the predator...make yourself seem bigger to the predator...

[spacexchaos]

Alien: Human? What is this "alien x reader" on your computer?

Human:

Alien:

Human: let's stop talking for a while.

[mrcarriertheii]

I feel like Stabby the roomba is the pinnacle of comedy and the best representation of humanity.

Imagine this:

Alien: what the hell is this? Why is there a knife taped to the “Roomba”?

Human: oh it’s Mr Stabby!

Alien: you NAMED it?!

Human: watch out Stabby is gonna get you!

Alien: *backing away* so what you are telling me is you not only strapped a weapon to this Roomba, but also gave it a name?!

Human: well it wasn’t just me it was all of the humans on this ship who agreed to it.

Alien: why?!?!

Human: because it’s funny.

Alien: because it’s funny?! This could injure one of us! Then what would you say?!

Human: we would probably laugh at them because it’s a Roomba moving slower than walking speed.

Alien: …

Alien: well at least it won’t actively try to pursue people because it’s a cleaning robot.

Human: yea about that, one of the people who brought up the idea changed it’s programming to identify moving things as things to clean.

Alien: …

Alien: I swear… you humans will do anything to imprint yourself in onto anything…

Human: what do you mean?

Alien: this Roomba is now an incoherent, unpredictable and dangerous, and it is this way because “it would be funny”, does that sound familiar?

Human: …

Human: we get it you find us insane and dangerous.

Alien: you taped a knife to a Cleaning robot!

Human: what if I told you we have been taping knifes to Roombas for 70 years.

Alien: 70 YEARS?!?!

Human: we don’t plan to stop either.

Alien: if it wasn’t for your ability to do the jobs no sane being would ever do I would eject you all out of the ship right now.

TLDR: alien is not happy about mr stabby shenanigans.

[writing-to-survive]

#165

"I'm not from this planet," the alien admits after months of lying.

Their human friend chuckles. "Luckly. Could you take me away on your spaceship?"

The alien isn't sure if their human friend believes them or not. They thought this information would shock a human.

"Possibly," the alien mumbles, "if I can get it back up and working."

"Cool. Let's visit the Milky Way first," the human smiles.

[gummy-sharks666]

human clothes (my excuse to draw Jesse in an oversized sweater uwu)

[ireallylikehickorysticksyay]

character one: astonishingly high and slightly drunk "Yes homo, hell, homo times two even... sapien, ahuh uhm, that's" *inhales clasping hands before pointing the fingertips to character two* "debatable"

character two, an alien: "so, you're a subspecies-"

character one: "i damn well feel subhuman sometimes thats for sure *wheeeezes makes a sound that is either laughing or sobbing, huffs* yeah, no, ya got any fluoxetine babe?

character two: "facinating" *vigorously writes in notes to human proof the airlocks* "unfortunately no"

[davinawritings]

Monster Bestfiend Accidentally Finds Your Only Fans

Monster best friend that accidentally finds your only fans. As soon as he sees your face, he goes to get off your page, but when he sees the giant monster dildo in your hand, he pauses. His finger hovers over the play button, his mind at war with itself on whether to see more. His conscience screams at him to put the phone down and forget he saw you there, but everything else screams at him to see more.

He gives in and clicks on your page, and his cock throbs as he realizes that every video is of you playing with all different monster dildos. He starts a video and can’t help but moan as you bounce up and down on a very large dildo, clearly modeled after a werewolf cock. Your tiny cunt stretched more than he would have thought possible for a little human. 

His hand is immediately wrapped around his throbbing cock and stroking in time with your movements. He growls as he watches your face scrunch up in pleasure, feeling his own release getting closer, far faster than he would like. 

As you let out a scream and gush all over the dildo, he finally cums, shooting all over his hand and the floor. He releases a small moan as he glances at his phone and sees the cum covering the screen over your naked body. 

The guilt slowly creeps in as he comes down from his high, and he vows he will never do this again. And he continues to break that vow every night as he crawls into bed, his cock cumming hard as he watches your videos, only to swear it’s the last time all over again. 

And when he sees you next, and his cock starts hardening immediately, he knows he is truly fucked. He’s just going to have to find a way to claim you for himself. At least he knows you have a thing for monsters and riding monster cock. He can’t wait to see you bouncing on his. 

[ozzgin]

content: female reader, NSFW

Alien partner has no idea how humans work, especially when it comes to mating. He's been wondering about it for the longest time, or rather - perhaps a better approximation - ever since he met you. He didn't expect your immediate willingness to satisfy his curiosity, however, and now he finds himself standing above your naked form, sliding his long, knotted digits in and out of what seems to be your genitals. Hopefully.

While he is beyond enticed by all the new sensations, such as the sight of your flushed face and the peculiar soft whimpers rolling out of your mouth with each thrust, he is also equally petrified. Every time you squint your eyes in pleasure, he turns and scrolls through his little digital notebook, scanning the paragraphs in sheer panic. He's been following an online tutorial he found on copulation among the Homo sapiens. He can't possibly confess his utter lack of knowledge to you, so the learning process must be done discreetly.

Suddenly, your thighs squeeze themselves together and he nearly chokes out in fear. Good Cosmic Lord, did he somehow mess up? Was there a wrong button to be pressed? As your inner muscles contract against his fingers, he can only watch, speechless and nervous, with beads of cold sweat coating his otherworldly features. His frantic academic search eventually lands him on one particular line.

Ah. You were just coming. He sighs deeply and admires the clear liquid now adorning his claws.

"Are you alright? You seem kind of pale," you question between shaky breaths.

"Most certainly," the creature reassures you, reaching for your hips and dragging you to his groin. "Do you think you can handle a second round?"

After all, he didn't have the chance to properly enjoy himself. This time his focus will be entirely on you. Don't worry, he's figured it out...more or less.

[zeropro]

since they’re on Earth, do the Transformers celebrate pride? Do they even know what LGBTQIA means?

Happy Pride :>

[multific]

Marked for Him

Yautja x Reader

Summary: You were meant to be nothing more than a trophy, a rare human prize in a Yautja’s hunt. But instead of killing you, your captor keeps you.

The cold metal walls of the Yautja ship felt cold around you, a stark contrast to the burning heat of your captor’s gaze.

You had expected death the moment you were taken. You expected to be strung up like the other trophies you had seen, their skulls cleaned and polished as a true sign of victory.

But days had passed, and you remained untouched.

Not harmed, not locked away like some caged animal, but kept in his personal quarters, a space filled with weapons, armour, and relics of past hunts. He brought you food, strange meats and exotic fruits.

He watched you, always silent, always hovering at a distance, but never hurting you.

And when another Yautja entered the room one evening, his stance was predatory, his clicking voice was speaking words you could not understand, and you saw the first hint of true aggression from your captor.

The air turned sharp, charged with something primal.

Your Yautja, yes, yours, though you hardly understood why you thought of him that way, let out a deep growl, stepping between you and the newcomer.

The second Yautja tilted his head, mandibles flaring in the challenge, but before he could move, your protector struck.

It happened so fast, claws raking, fists colliding, bodies slamming against the walls with enough force to shake the room.

The fight was brutal and efficient.

And when your Yautja stood victorious, the other writhing beneath his clawed hand, he snarled something low and guttural before tossing the defeated hunter aside like a broken toy.

Then, he turned to you.

His chest heaved, his body coiled tight with something he had been holding back for too long.

Slowly, he approached, his massive form towering over you, but there was no fear in you.

You had stopped fearing him after you just saw him defend you.

He reached out, talons brushing against your cheek, then trailing down to your throat where his claws barely pressed against your skin. Not enough to hurt but enough to make you feel.

A soft rumble vibrated in his chest, something like a purr, something almost tender. As tender as a being like him was able to.

Then, he moved his hand lower, to your arm, where the faintest shimmer of a mark had begun to appear.

A claim. A bond. A mark only he could give.

“You marked me?” you whispered, voice barely audible.

His mandibles clicked, and his eyes locked onto yours.

Mine.

The word was unspoken, but you felt it all the same.

And you knew, without question, that you were his.

His mate. His treasure. His everything.

When his massive arms wrapped around you, pulling you into the safest embrace you had ever known, you didn’t resist. You melted into him, letting the steady beat of his heart soothe the whirlwind of emotions inside you.

You had been taken as a trophy. But you had been kept as something far more precious.

And you would never belong to anyone else.

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

Wattpad

/DO NOT TRANSLATE, STEAL OR REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/

[artsy-writy]

Humans are so different to each other. Like imagine aliens actually being very similar to the others of their species and the humans show up and they just are so....unpredictable.

Alien: *is eating with a human and gives the human olives*

Human: *surprised* Oh. Do you not like olives?

Alien: I like olives. But you love them, right? So you can have it.

Human: Oh I don't remember mentioning something like that but...I don't like olives. I hate them actually.

Alien: *shocked and is questioning their life decisions* I was playing with your daughter when babysitting her and she said she loved olives.

Human: Yeah, guess she just likes them. I don't though.

Alien: But she's human.

Human: yeah. And?

Alien: Don't all humans like olives?

Human: Just because my daughter like olives doesn't mean I like them too.

Alien: *blinks slowly thinking and then gasps in relief* So you DON'T like murdering unlike the human on TV??

Human: WHAT- No- wait what. Have you been eating with me the whole time thinking I was a murderer???

Alien: I-I just wanted to respect your preferences and show support-

Human: If I was a murderer, I could have killed YOU!!! *so confused by alien's thought process*

Alien: ...still wanted to show support....

[spacexchaos]

alien crewman: captain, aren’t we going to go to earth and introduce ourselves to humanity?

alien captain, staring at earth through a pair of binoculars: nooo.. i think they have enough going on..

[writing-to-survive]

#151

"On my planet, you wouldn't be liked very much," the alien states.

The human laughs. "I don't really care."

[gummy-sharks666]

domestic sketches

[softersynths]

self perception