#all nerd anecdotes

[skitskatdacat63]

When I realize that my fic premise that centers around making bets, during pastimes such as cards or billiards, means I actually have to research how and which historical games would have been played

Alright who's trying to play centuries old card games with me-

[backupstardust]

Reminded me of this one book, “The Disappearing Spoon: And Other True Tales of Madness, Love, and the History of the World from the Periodic Table of the Elements”

It starts with an anecdote about how, when the author was a kid, every time a thermometer broke his mother would scoop the mercury beads into an old pill bottle she kept on a shelf.

And sometimes he would get it down, take the lid off, and swish it around just to watch the mercury move.

saw boomposhpow's awesome fanart of this fic, read the fic, and subsequently felt compelled to make fanart as well

fanfic is by the skin of your teeth by Rev on ao3 !!

[flimsy-roost]

someday there'll be a reckoning for the demonization of autistic horse girls

[caeliajournal]

Yesterday, I went to a nightclub for the first time with my friends — something we never did during our university days.

Once again, @bluedelilah slipped into her motherly role and took care of a seriously intoxicated Ana. Natalia tore up the dance floor, and despite going half-deaf from the booming music, I had a great time.

The catchphrase of the night was, "It's just sooo weird." - Ana. What was weird? We'll never know.

Ana, quite a few times, dangerously swayed toward the road, and I kept pulling her back onto the sidewalk. Unleashed and completely oblivious to the danger, she didn't want me to hold her hand to avoid accidents.

So, the only thing I could come up with was: "No, it's because I'm dizzy from being deaf in one ear, and I lose my balance." Just a little white lie.

We had dinner at our trusted Asian restaurant for the second time in a row, and then we had cake around midnight.

What an experience.

February 3rd, 2024

[cherrygirlfriend]

─── UNZIP ME ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

𐙚 pairing: nerd!rafe x perv!reader

𐙚 summary: rafe has difficulty undressing you.

𐙚 warnings / tags: smut, some fluff, MDNI!

𐙚 author's note: based on a video sent by nerd!rafe’s #1 stan @raahosh i hope you like it queen <3

PERV MASTERLIST 𐙚 RAFE MASTERLIST

after you and rafe started dating, your favorite part about going out was no longer the part where you’d flirt with everything that moved. it was no longer about batting your eyelashes at some poor bastard and making him think you’d be going home with him if he bought you and your girls a round of shots.

no.

you never thought you’d become one of those girls, but somehow, when you fell in love with rafe, your favorite part about going out was coming back; even better if the place you came back to was his dormitory.

you’d sneak into your boyfriend’s dorm with your heels in your hand, still wearing the dress you’d worn out that night. rafe would boil some water while you changed into one of his shirts that were too big on you (usually something related to star wars). he’d pour the boiled water into two noodle cups, and help you take your makeup off because you were ‘too tired’ when in reality you just liked having him take care of you.

the two of you would then cuddle up in his bed, eating your cup noodles while you told him anecdotes about your night, all the while some show was playing on his laptop.

this time was different, though. not only were you missing rafe, but you were craving him. the entire time you were at the shitty packed nightclub with your girls, only thing you could think about was him. it got so bad you ended up scrolling through your gallery for pictures of you and him.

finally, when you’d had enough, you decided to just tell your friends a little white lie about how you were feeling nauseous, and got an uber back to the boys’ dormitories.

soon enough, you were behind rafe’s door, your boyfriend’s eyes widening when he saw you standing there, “what are you-”

you interrupted his sentence by pressing your lips on his in a heated kiss, your arms wrapped around his neck. rafe moaned into the kiss, slamming the door shut so loudly it must’ve awoken a few other people residing in the dormitories, his touch making you feel drunker than the remnants of alcohol still in your veins.

your hands were on his hips, tugging him closer to you while also pushing him backwards towards his bed. you pulled away from the kiss, pushing rafe down onto the bed, his pupils blown wide as he looked up at you in surprise. you straddled rafe’s lap, tugging on his hair as your chest pressed against him.

“missed you…” you mumbled, your lips pressed against his, your ragged breaths mingling together. “missed you too…” he whispered and you connected your lips with his, your lips greedily moving against his. rafe’s hands started trailing up your back, searching for the zipper of your dress.

finally, though, when he found it, the boy couldn’t seem to be able to unzip it no matter how many times he tugged on it, and you couldn’t help the grin that took over your lips, pulling away from him in a breathless daze, feeling him starting to harden underneath you.

“i have to do everything myself, do i?” you chuckle, rising back to your feet, rafe letting out a disappointed whine, his lips in a pout. you turned your back to your boyfriend, and he watched as your skilled hands slowly unzipped the dress, revealing your bare back to him, his eyes widening.

you let the black dress pool at your feet before stepping out of it, taking slow, measured steps towards rafe, his eyes shamelessly trailing over your bare chest.

you straddled your boyfriend once again, a seductive smile on your face as one of his hands cupped your breast, his thumb pressing over your nipple, the bud starting to harden under his cold hands in a way that made you arch into him.

“much better.” you grin, tilting his head back by his chin, before bringing your lips to his and sliding your hands under his shirt.

TAGLIST: @raahosh @purpleplumpudding @rafesheaven @esotericcangel @mattyskies @bakugouswaif @littlelamy

[comicaurora]

As someone from a more average family, I’ve always been fascinated by your anecdotes about your upbringing. What’s it like to have parents so deeply immersed in fandom, and when did you realize that most kids’ parents have zero familiarity with fandom stuff?

as soon as I brought up renfaires and D&D and filk songs and cthulhu carols at school and got bullied about it :/ made it pretty obvious nobody knew or cared what I was talking about

But it was nice! Being raised in fandom, a thing built entirely from open enthusiasm for things you love, taught me to pursue things not because they were popular or What Was Expected Of Me, but because I loved them. I think it laid some major foundations in my worldview that helped me avoid a lot of normative expectations that wouldn't have worked for me, just by teaching me from minute one that things that are weird and unpopular can be perfect for you, and things that seem to work for everyone else can not work for you, and that's okay.

Once you've internalized "this seems to be something everyone does/likes/wants, but the thing I want seems to be almost unheard of - and yet I still want it" it may be easier to apply this to things like recognizing one's orientation (in my case "this all seems boring and weird and extremely limiting, but everyone acts like it's normal and great, so I think I'm just gonna… not do it"), pursuing unorthodox careers, and just… trying the weird things and seeing what works.

Identifying the things you love doing is already a difficult exercise, and it's made much more difficult by artificial filters like "these things are Cool And Sexy while these other things are Cringe And Weird and Should Not Be Liked." Being able to decouple your brain from the high school popularity contest makes the search for your passions that much easier, and I think I started with a serious leg up thanks to the guidance and unconditional support of two absolute nerds.

[centrally-unplanned]

I really enjoyed this video by Angela Collier as someone who is of the "Feynman Bros" generation without being a member of the thing itself. I was of course part of the "XKCD science nerd culture" of the 2000's where he was a valorized figure, but never read any of his books, and generally just wasn't a science person in general so the whole vibe didn't appeal. I certainly noticed the 2010's culture shift where people - rightly so in my opinion - noticed that many of his "anecdotes" were casually misogynistic or harassing. I know both sides of the track here decently well without having any stake in it.

So it was quite shocking to me to learn - spoilers - that Feynman never wrote a single book. Every one of those texts with his name splashed on it is by someone else, and sometimes with quite minimal involvement by him! He had this weird coterie of fans who just loved his stuff so much they collected his anecdotes, recorded lectures, and so on, and made books out of them, often well after the fact. And of course at certain point "cashing in" on the brand took over.

Which leads, inexorably, to the fact that it is a little difficult to glimpse the "real" Feynman, because half of the published stuff is just made up. Surely You're Joking is the exaggerated stories of a 50 year old man trying to impress a 20-something dude with how cool he is, telling tales decades after they happened. I had never read the book, so hearing direct quotes from it of Feynman "pretending to speak a language he didn't and being So Clever he tricked his audience" are just...obviously not true? What the fuck are you talking about??? The best part for me is that the book, of stories from the life of a physicist, never involves...other physicists. It is always random people at a bar or hotel. Because, you know, they can't contradict them? The one time he did name someone, Murray Gell-Mann, in a story, Murray objected on the grounds that it was false and they were forced to change it! You had one job and you fucked it up, person-who-isn't -Feynman-pretending-to-be-Feynman-while-writing-the-book.

This is very much a video in my wheelhouse of cultural history - Feynman is just a guy. His brand, like all brands, is manufactured, and so there is a story behind how it was manufactured & why. I think I can see Feynman's rise as part of the general rise of "nerd culture" that accelerated in the 1980's, and the very deep need to both be "pure" nerdy (something finally dropped in the late 2000's) but also cool, to fight back on the rep. A womanizing scientist deeply appealed at that time, one who can Have It All. The idea of being the Smartest Guy In The Room was admirable, not insufferable. Then times changed, and the whole edifice can be a bit cringe. With, of course, a real person behind it all that one has to sift through to see.

Also, you do sometimes look at the past and go "man, people really did act differently back then". And that is true! But part of that story is that people just felt way more comfortable bullshitting you about it. Makes it a bit hard to say how things really were.

[inchidentally]

Sorry new landoscar fan here, I kept seeing the notion that Oscar was Lando’s fan for years, but I can’t seem to find any info about that?

ofc babe ! I store a lot of it in this tag but I think a little roundup post is probably due - heads up this is not in chrono order bc a lot of it is referenced from recent content:

2015 and Oscar making the big move to the UK to join Ricky Flynn and his fanboying of Lando begins

tiktok compilation of Oscar revealing his chronic Lando content consumption well before they were teammates

compilation from twitter of Oscar's decided bias toward not only liking Lando content but also searching his tag and finding posts that sometimes had barely a few likes (and this was just going back to 2017)

Oscar knowing when Lando's maiden podium was (and Lando calling him a nerd)

the 2020 hornet tweets because Oscar watched the stream of Lando battling 2 hornets in his house x x

Alpine Oscar 'interviewing' Lando and Alex on Sky in 2022 and the quote from Lando that he hasn't raced Oscar "yet" and Oscar well basically staring at Lando

2021 Oscar citing Lando's social media inspiring him to use humor as a way to open up to the public more (added landoscar angst here bc the hate and abuse he received after alpinegate seriously made him clam up and between that and him being fairly in awe of Lando, meant that Lando himself didn't rly get to know Oscar's humor until fairly late 2023 - like, no one should underestimate how Oscar entered F1 properly and got to know one of his favorite drivers all while being universally despised and painted as a villain/cold/evil - how much could have been different if one team had simply kept their mouths shut until verifying that tweet first esp when Oscar was already a shared reserve driver w McLaren anyway !!!!)

the beloved Oscar and Max F at Renault Academy lore

this post I made is a mess but the anecdotes he can only know from Lando's or Max's streams streams or Quadrant videos: Lando making stickers and selling them at school; Lando's snoring lore could be because of the thin shared walls but also Max has def brought it up before; he definitely already knew the story of Lando falling from a window trying to break into his own house; and the fact that we got Max reacting to Oscar referencing Max's outrage at Lando forgetting his birthday

it's a bit too scattered to compile but trust and believe Oscar has been a carlando girlie from day one - def the bromance but idk I feel like he's read a fic or twenty

watching Lando's career when asked about his idols coming up

and backing that up, him in 2019 saying the same thing

EDIT: his mum Nicole saying he would choose Lando as his ideal teammate going into F1 because the expectations of him wouldn't be too high since everyone knows how good Lando is

pulling out the it's Friday theeeen Lando meme

being so addicted to Lando content by 2020 that he actually fanboyed about the LN4 admin interacting w him

EDIT: he then followed it up by creating a sort of ship name for himself and Lando ???

EDIT: Lando's kart and the number 481 !!

EDIT: how could I forget Oscar submitting this old photo of Lando to a meme page in 2023 but he literally had that photo somewhere saved

EDIT: how could I forget the hornets saga ??

EDIT: 2016 Oscar likes Lando telling people to turn him notifications for him on

and ofc K's beloved Oscar primer has a lot of context about all of this more fleshed out!

I think that's everything but if anyone notices I've forgotten anything lmk !!

[cherie-doll]

𓆩♡𓆪 Headcanon: Summer With Them

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Alejandro, Phillip Graves, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

ׂׂૢ Y’all have no idea how much i hate summer i defrost from vampire to weird nerd -1000 aura points or whatever they’re saying on the clock app

Anyways i finished this while at the laundromat

Ghost

Prefers summer nights to summer days or evenings

Sits on the porch at night with you listening to the cicadas sing

And during this time you can’t take showers together bc he won’t let you adjust the temperature, he takes his showers ice cold

Don’t ask me where I get this from but he vibes with that one Type O Negative song bc according to him it gives “summer” (iykyk)

Prob has sun sensitivity

Cannot leave the house without his sunglasses

And he avoids driving when the sun’s too bright

Soap

Bastard who enjoys summer #1

He likes summer because it means going down to the beach and showing off his muscles that stay clothed under uniform throughout the year

Wants to buy swimming trunks that’ll match your swimwear

He likes joining teens in volleyball and flying kites with kids

Loves going on walks on the beach at dawn and dusk

He once gave you a bad scare when making you think the dolphin fin in the water was a shark

Even if you’re at home he’ll drag you out of bed to join his morning walk and evening walks after dinner

Gaz

He’s content with summer

Will come up with tons of things to do

Picnics he prepares every weekend

Cloud watching

Catching fireflies in a jar and setting them free all at once to see them glow

Running his fingers through your hair as the breeze blows

Making lemonade together to stay cool outside

Buys a vintage camera to take lots of pics of you

On every evening walk you take together he picks something small like a leaf or flower and saves it

At the end of the season he gets everything together and creates a page in his scrapbook

Alejandro

Bastard who enjoys summer #2

He likes the feel of summer breeze on his bare skin and you look forward to seeing that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Likes to sleep with the windows open at night

Blasts music

Carne asadas

Frequents the local ice cream shops to buy mangonadas

Throughout the entire summer your kitchen has fruits of all kind that he eats with tajin

Will take you for a drive around in his truck and then find a quiet little spot like a lake or mountain to park and sit on the truck bed watching the sky

Phillip Graves

Sits outside with sunglasses on and beer in hand

Calls for you to come out and sit with him to watch the sunset

Cookouts

Anytime you complain of the heat you better hope he’s not around to yap your ear off about some anecdote from when he was a child

“It’s hot” “Ain’t that hot” he responds whilst his face is sunburned bc he refuses to wear sunscreen

Will only wear sunscreen if you are able to catch him before he goes outside and apply it for him

Keegan

It seems like summer evenings are the perfect time to do stuff

For some reason likes to do things shirtless in summer: yard/garden work, mowing the lawn, washing the car..

You set up a chair on the porch to watch him

Falling asleep on a soft patch of grass under the shade of a tree

Will start a bonfire and sit around it with you for hours into the late hours of the night

Sometimes you’ll stay out so late with him that both of you fall asleep

König

He’s not fond of summer

Would prefer to stay inside but if you want to he’ll go out as well

Sprawls on the floor with the fan on

He’ll drive where you want to go and then sit in the car watching you

Prob keeps ice packs in a cooler to keep cool when going outside for a long time

He’d rather be outside when the sun starts to set and the sky turns orange

Sets up a hammock

Afternoon naps on the hammock with the gentle sway of the wind

Horangi

He likes summer and prepares for it

Just imagine him getting out a little backpack with a sunhat, sunglasses, sunscreen, water bottle, umbrella, cooling sleeves, etc…

That’s not for him tho that’s for you he puts on sunglasses and is good to go

During summer he loves going to markets and buying fruit bc that’s when it’s best

Lots of strawberries, grapes and tangerines

Constantly reminds you to wear sun protection

He likes being outside a lot actually and will take you to his favorite parks and places to hike

Nikto

The change of seasons does not affect him much

He’ll notice the change of weather one day and mention how much warmer it is

“It’s summer” “Oh, we should go camping soon…”

He’ll take you camping whether you like it or not insisting that you will like it

Sets a tent near the river to catch fish

He also likes to plant vegetables during the nice weather and bring them to you, proudly showing off his hard work rewarded

He likes to cook meals together and eat outside

[elodieunderglass]

There’s this lovely duck couple that I’ve been trying to properly ID for weeks now - my current guess is one is leucistic and the other got some genes from a domestic species (lots of farms around here)

But yea they’re very pretty and I thought you might enjoy them :>

Yeah, those sure look like Manky Mallards! Thank you so much for thinking of me! the brown-bodied male is a classic, classic Manky Mallard with domestic ancestry. That pattern and body shape are very very common in drakes with hybrid ancestry.

This is COMPLETELY ANECDOTAL and not at all scientific, but in my experience, that specific type of drake (large, plump, heavy, coloured dark brown, with a green head and a broken white bib) is considered EXQUISITELY HANDSOME to wild Mallards of all sexes.

The presumed-female is a little trickier. Could even be a male (ducks can have same-sex couples and personal lives of extraordinary messiness and complexity.) As I said the other day, something we recognise in domestic animals is that pigmentation is a spectrum, but in wild animals we tend to just say "leucistic" to explain the range of pigment loss between wild type and albino. Domestic animals have fancy words the interactions of pigment and pattern along the spectrum (you'll hear of "smoky cream" horses and be shown a sparkling metallic gold horse and told that it's a type of black horse; cat people are mashing together words like "dilute lilac tortoiseshell"; etc etc.)

A leucistic female mallard can have varying levels of pigment loss, ranging from looking like a slightly paler wild duck, to being "blonde" with practically no pattern whatsoever. Here are two purportedly-leucistic female mallards from stock image banks on google showing this variety.

An important determiner is that leucism typically affects the brown pigment in ducks. it seems to operate less on the black pigment (so most leucistic mallards will still have some visible traces of their pattern). (you can have leucism in ducks that takes away the black lineart, of course, it's just that it's more common that it reduces the brown fill colour.)

and usually leucism should not be operating on the blue wing patch, which - as nerds will know - is a structural colour rather than a pigment, and less affected. Domestic duck breeds and colours often don't have the blue wing patch. Another determinant for domestic lineage is animal behaviour, but - ducks being so messy and weird at all times - this is really difficult to call.

You'd need to collect some more sightings to be sure, but based on the lack of pattern and there not being a wing patch, I think there's domestic heritage in the paler one too.

At any rate it's a fabulous sighting of Manky Mallards, a birdwatching phenomenon I enjoy very much. thank you!

[mythals-whore]

Facts about Davrin that are my headcanon but are Just True:

He is so into this monster manual that if you ask him about anything related to it you are trapped for at least 45 minutes while he yaps to you about his personal anecdote and what all those other bastards got wrong in their monster manuals

He is a huge nerd

He is a polyglot, totally has a working knowledge of at least five languages (common, Elvhen, Dwarvish, Orlesian, Tevene)

He smells like wood/sawdust (choose whatever wood you feel, but this is true.)

Grew up really scrawny so as soon as he got hot he became a slut. Just absolutely giving it away (and i love that for him)

He is a munch

Likes whiskey (idk he has a cowboy vibe to him, this is just True)

More likely to call a romanced Rook “sweetheart” or “baby” than vhenan.

Makes his bed every morning

Can draw! Mostly sketches, mostly of monsters/animals but could definitely draw other things/learn to paint if he tried.

Is very patient*

*and therefore good with children, but for a very long time after VG says “Assan is more than enough trouble” if you ask him

Doesn’t care much about an official ‘marriage’ but more so because he feels very dedicated to a partner already and doesn’t need the ceremony for it to feel official**

**but if its important to his partner he would absolutely go all out

Snores, but denies it.

Is bad at Wicked Grace but only because he pouts when he gets a really bad hand (he does not know he does this but literally everyone else does)

Has the Thedas equivalent to a burn book with the names of all those monster manual guys he hates, anyone who ever tried to rip him off, and anyone who ever called him knife-ear/rabbit/etc. This man holds a grudge. He will remember the face, the name and the offense.

Big history buff!!

Reads a lot but doesn’t join the book club bc he’s a big non-fiction guy. He’s out here reading the Thedas equivalent to a WWII Biographies/Nature Guides/encyclopedias

Ribs you when training to get a rise out of you

Ribs you in general to get a rise out of you

Is a picky eater (hates broccoli, probably weird about olives) but will eat it anyway.

Was closer to his mom than his dad

Disorganized organization—there is clutter around his room but he knows where everything is

Always gives gold to beggars

Has a massive—

Stares at aromanced Rook’s ass every time they turn around (the glances are decidedly NOT small)

Knows how to cut his own hair/patch his own clothes

Talks you through it

Early riser—if nightmares/Assan wakes him up, he’s up. Does not understand the concept of “sleeping in” (he will happily stay in bed to do other activities)

Has a good singing voice but will not do it for anyone except Assan. And possibly a romanced Rook. Eventually. Maybe.

Makes a quill out of one of Assan’s feathers but swears its for practicality (it is 100% sentimental, he has plenty of other quills)

Okay that feels like a lot. Please feel free to reblog/come to the replies with your Davrin truths(:

[erinwantstowrite]

you reposted a video of trump saying “you want me to go swimming”

and i just want to take a moment to recognize how actually insane that is.

like that’s how our president responds to tragedy? with no empathy?

the presidents role is to be the face and voice of america and her people, and for every loss of life, for every tragedy, and for all the pain her people must go through, the president must feel it. that is a heavy burden, but it is one our president must carry. our president represents us. there should be a level of class, of respect, and dignity in a president, that our current president does not fulfill

he is a sorry excuse for a leader, a role model, a human being, he is above all, a pathetic man who should not have the privilege of speaking for america and her people.

and even if you agree with his harmful policy’s, how dare you let our voice be so callous about lost lives? about children? it is disgusting. a president should have a level of poise when they speak, strong encouraging words instead of unintelligible insults

and the tiniest bit of hope i had, the smallest shred that this wasn’t all bad, has been ruined and tarnished, because excuse me for thinking that perhaps our leader would respond with even the smallest bit of empathy instead of placing blame everywhere else

he makes me sick.

THIS!!! EXACTLY!!!

(i promise this anecdote below is relevant to this bear with me)

when i was in high school, i was part of a very very good band program. there were a lot of talented people and we managed to take up a huge chunk of the school population. it was guaranteed to have at least two band kids in a class, and this was a AAA school. this is important because our reputation as band kids... was that we were always going to be the best students you had. not because of grades, but because of character. the same went for the many programs that we went to. if we were at a district competition, we were quiet when we had to be, we cheered for other bands, we would lend our equipment, etc etc. i can't think of any instances not only in my time there but before or after where people would groan when they thought about us coming to their event. because there were no incidences that made people think twice about inviting us

how we got that kind of reputation? my band directors built an environment in the band where we wanted to do great. "character, commitment, competence, capacity" were the 4 C's that were put on the wall. this is the best example that I could find, where I think communication and commitment are the same:

every student took up a leadership role even if you weren't handed a title like "drum major" or "section leader". we learned about how to represent ourselves and the people in our community, and we were proud of that. like yeah we might have sounded like a bunch of fucking nerds, but it was a good place to be.

often we heard adults wondering how the hell our band directors managed such a feat. it was such a large band that there should have been at least one group of teenagers that acted out or something. but that was incredibly (and i mean incredibly) rare, and were never so bad that it couldn't be immediately fixed.

it was possible because we had good role models!!

our band directors worked with every teacher on campus, brought us to community events, they had food drives and toy drives, etc etc. they were funny but they knew when to get work done, they created a space where we felt comfortable with them and wanted to make them proud.

i don't see anything like that when i see Trump, nor do i see it in people that voted for him. his Character is not just rude but nasty. his attitude towards the people he's supposed to be representing and caring about was absolutely intolerable. when asked if he cared about the lives of these people (WHO BY THE WAY, DIED MINUTES AWAY FROM WHERE HE IS RESIDING), he was a snarky fucking brat. he was childish and replied with THAT? "You want me to go swimming?"

I'M SORRY??

that was the most WILD, out of line shit i have heard him say in a minute. that was blatant disrespect on the lives of the people that were lost, their families that have to live with the grief for the rest of their lives, and to the American people that were hoping something would be said to comfort and ease our minds.

his statement was read off of a paper that someone else 100000% wrote for him. and then he went out of his way to say that DEI is responsible for it?????? THE DEI??????

you know why he said that shit? because it was his fault! he is directly responsible for air traffic control not having enough people that night. he fired 100 FAA senior officials, there was the hiring freeze that HE demanded, the Aviation Safety committee was disbanded, demanded for existing employees to leave, offered the buy it out. and then that plane went down- the worse air collision in the US in 16 years.

he can't take responsibility. he won't do that, because he would have to admit that it was his fault. that's a pretty trick that narcissists love to do. they come up with excuse after excuse for why something couldn't be their fault, it always has to lie with someone else. and he chose to blame... diversity?

the thing that really gets me about this DEI shit is that most of these people will argue that we need to get rid of it because people should be hired for their merit and not because of the color of their skin or gender. THAT'S WHY THE DEI EXISTS. because if it DIDN'T, only white men would be hired- for the color of their skin, because of their gender, and NOT because of their merit. diversity in our workplaces is how we end up being able to see different perspectives. the US is a melting pot of cultures and that's supposed to be a beautiful thing. the fact that we are still having arguments about it is because there are still people in power who do not want us being unified as a nation. they directly benefit from us believing that "the black man/ the latino man/ the white man" are the enemy. the enemy isn't the person who looks or acts different to you, the enemy are the people who are supposed to be representing us that are only acting out of their best interests.

Trump will never admit that he was wrong about something. It's not in his character. He is not a giving, caring man, who wants the best for the people. He is a lying, cheating, scum of the earth that sits on a "throne" built on the backs of people that do the work for him and who he has divided using hate and envy, then he props his feet up on a footstool made of his ugly pride, and he sticks his big fat thumb in his mouth, taking up all the room for that silver spoon.

He has no commitment to us as the people (even the ones that voted for him) nor to the people also in power that are loyal to him. I believe that in no time at all, he's going to get greedy and they're going to eat him alive, because Trump isn't even smart enough for any of this, there's someone else pulling the strings. He is an incompetent man child with no accountability for his actions, he has failed nearly every business that he touched and only has his money because of what his family had built before him. And he has no capacity for greatness nor does he have critical thinking skills. He props his words up with fluffy decorations and lies right through his teeth, and the people that voted for him are lapping it up like dogs starved. People are about to find out real fucking quick that Trump has been playing it easy and using the benefits of other people's work before him to make himself look good.

And they're not even going to get their eggs.

[redsugarx]

Hundred-Pacer 百步蛇：Design Background

A lot of people seem to really like the Hundred-Pacer set, so I thought I'd do a detailed post on its design background as if I wasn't gonna do that anyway because I need somewhere to spout the nerd stuff you can't stop me.

The Hundred-Pacer is a two-piece Han Dynasty set consisting of a curved-hem robe 曲裾袍 and a waist piece. There were two main inspirations behind this set: the Mawangdui burial site, and the hundred-pacer snake itself, specifically its veneration by several indigenous groups in southern Taiwan.

馬王堆漢墓 / 马王堆汉墓 / Ma3 Wang2 Dui1 Han4 Mu4 / Mawangdui Han Dynasty Tomb

Hunan Provincial Museum exhibition banner. The artifacts from Mawangdui are regarded as national treasures. They have been on permanent exhibition since 2017.

I did a (questionable in accuracy.........) Newhanfu article on the Mawangdui burial site when I was still active there. It’s one of my favorite Hanfu relic dig sites: I learned about it in my early stages of hanfu research, and it was one of the first archaeological sites that I felt sort of a visceral connection to. People often ask why I like hanfu, and I usually answer with a little anecdote—combing through the records of Hunan Provincial Museum, sifting through page after page of data on decaying silk and wooden carvings, it struck me that those figurines looked oddly familiar—their faces looked just like me.

Anyway, it’s a very famous dig site; most Chinese people have at least heard of it even if they aren’t into hanfu. It’s an eerily remarkable feat of preservation that the contents of the tomb were so complete. I’ll do a separate rewrite of that article later, but for now all you need to know is that the tomb belonged to a ~50-year-old Xinzhui Furen / 辛追夫人 (aka Lady Dai) during the beginning of the Eastern Han Dynasty（西漢 / 西汉 / xi1 han4) in the Changsha Kingdom (長沙國 / 长沙国 / chang2 sha1 guo2), who died of a heart attack in 168-169 BCE, and the clothes she was buried with form the basis of our understanding of Han Dynasty clothing as a whole. A number of very well-preserved straight- and curved- hem robes were excavated with her.

褐色菱紋羅地「信期繡」絲綿袍 / 褐色菱纹罗地“信期绣”丝绵袍 / he4 se4 wen2 luo2 di4 xin4 qi2 xiu4 si1 mian2 pao2 / brown lozenge gauze base Xinqi embroidery silk down robe, excavated from the Mawangdui tomb. One of the most well-preserved curved-hem robes from the burial. Length 150cm, wingspan 250cm, sleeve width 28cm, waist 60cm across. The main material is brown silk gauze (luo) woven in a diamond pattern, embroidered all over in the Xinqi embroidery pattern, padded with silk floss. The trim is brocade and the lining is juan silk. The bottom section is bias-cut but not the top section. Src: Hunan Provincial Museum.

The robes excavated fall into two categories: straight-hem and curved-hem robes. All of them were long and cross-collared. Straight-hem robes are your classic floor-length robes, whose hems sweep the floor evenly. Curved-hem robes, or 曲裾袍 / qv1 jv1 pao2, have a hem that spirals up the lower body from the floor, resulting in a 'curved' hem. The resulting structure is an extra triangular piece extending out from the wearer's side that gets wrapped around the waist area and secured with a belt.

Of the eight curved-hem robes excavated, only two have a double-trim border decoration. The most well-known and the usual standard for recreations is the 褐色菱紋羅地「信期繡」絲綿袍 / brown lozenge gauze base Xinqi embroidery silk down robe. The other is the 絳綛紫色「長壽繡」絲綿袍 / dark purple Changshou embroidery silk down robe, but it's less well-preserved so there's less information out there about it; nevertheless it looks to be constructed very similarly. Both of these robes are padded with silk floss and have an embroidered body, with two different colors of taping along the sleeve cuff, collar, and hem: a darker color comprising of the wide taping directly adjacent to the main body and a lighter color comprising of the narrow taping distal to the main body. 

絳綛紫色「長壽繡」絲綿袍 / 绛紫色“长寿绣”丝绵袍 / jiang4 zi3 se4 chang2 shou4 xiu4 si1 mian2 pao2 / dark purple Changshou embroidery silk down robe, excavated from Mawangdui tomb, length 130cm wingspan 232cm. Very similar to the other robe except with a different embroidery pattern on the surface and slightly less well-preserved at the edges. Src: Hunan Provincial Museum.

The curved-hem robe is a type of shenyi robe. Shenyi are defined as long robes whose torso and bottom sections are separately cut & sewn together, rather than just being a shirt/top that happens to be very long. The top half usually follows the same construction as any Hanfu top, whereas the bottom half is usually made up of 4-12 quadrilaterals pieced together to wrap around the waist and legs. Most shenyi will also have decorative trims along the hem and collar.

Structural line drawing of the curved-hem robe. Reposted by 春梅狐狸 (well-known online hanfu author, wrote 华夏衣橱), originally from 长沙马王堆一号汉墓 (official report). Confirmed—corroborated with multiple sources.

Both of the curved-hem robes have a similar shenyi construction, in that we can look at the top and bottom sections separately. The collar is a classic cross-collar (but with a characteristically wide collar piece), cut out in a curved shape. The sleeves are chuihuxiu, ‘drooping’ sleeves, in that they project straight out from the root and then curve upwards at the ends to meet the slightly narrower sleeve cuffs.

The bias grain on a grid representing the fibers that would be woven together to form a piece of fabric. Src: Designer Stitch.

The bottom ‘skirt’ section is made of four bias-cut panels sewn together. 'Bias-cut' refers to the orientation that the pieces are cut out from the full bolt of fabric, in relation to the grain: these panels were positioned so that the fabric grain ran across them diagonally, rather than straight up and down, allowing a non-elastic fabric to soften and stretch (think of a parallelogram being pulled from opposite corners).

This method is a very important feature of the curved-hem robe, because it allows for the bottom section to wrap around the hips and legs much more tightly, resulting in the pronounced, flattering silhouette we see in Han dynasty murals and figurines.

The rearrangement of parallelogram pieces cut out from a pain piece of fabric to extend the length with zero waste. Image reposted by 華服志; I'm not sure where it came from initially but have corroborated with multiple sources that it is accurate.

The trims are also bias-cut, with a no-waste method of extending the length of a strip of fabric by cutting and rearranging parallelogram pieces. I'm sure this has a name, I just don't know what it is. The other robes, gloves, virtually anything that required a long 'strip' of fabric from the tomb employ this same method, simultaneously lengthening and softening the fabric.

Modern recreations will typically follow the same cut & bias as the original pattern while substituting other fabrics. For this set, because of the nature of the trim fabrics and the placement of the design, some parts (especially the narrow trim) were cut traditionally while other parts were bias-cut. The solid body of the skirt section was bias-cut.

彩繪木俑 (Colored Wooden Figurines), Mawangdui #1 Han Tomb, Early Western Han Dynasty ~202BCE—9CE, Src: Hunan Provincial Museum

Additionally, we can also deduce from the depiction of curved-hem robes on figurines that they were floor-length, likely almost dragging on the front. We know that Lady Dai's corpse was about 154cm tall, while her robes were approximately 130-150cm long. Accounting for some shrinkage that likely occurred over time due to water loss, this measurement corroborates the suspected proportions. Both men and women have been depicted wearing curved-hem robes, though later on the majority seem to be women.

Inspiration 1: The Hundred-Pacer & Surrounding Legends

Src: Liu Rui Wei, iNaturalist, Photo 345941307, August 2023, observed near 三星鄉

Looping back around to where the initial idea for this set even came from: When we first started brainstorming for the Year of the Snake collection, one of the first things we decided was that each set would be based on a different species of snake. Yulan, being the ultra biology nerd here, put together a list of visually/culturally interesting snakes for us to start off on. One of those snakes was the Chinese Moccasin or Hundred-Pacer, Deinagkistrodon. I didn't know about its existence before she introduced it to me.

The Hundred-Pacer snake is one of the six great venomous snakes of Taiwan. It's called the Hundred-Pacer because there's a legend that once you've been bitten by one, you'll be dead within a hundred paces. Obviously that's an exaggeration, but the hemotoxin it produces can indeed be fatal. On the flip side, its venom has also ironically been used to make antivenins for a long time.

Src: Shao Qi, iNaturalist, Photo 406124328, July 2024, observed near 新竹

In appearance the hundred-pacer is very striking—the main distinguishing features are its triangular head, sharp pointy snout, and triangular body pattern (diamond-like from above). Lower down, next to the belly, they have a row of small black splotches visible from the side. They're most famous in Taiwan but can be found in many mountainous regions in Southeast Asia and southern China.

Most notably, hundred-pacers are considered sacred to several indigenous groups in southern Taiwan, such as the Paiwan (Paiwan: Kacalisian), Bunun, and Rukai (Rukai: Drekay) people (I was able to find more information on the Paiwan people so most of my research pertains to them). Many of their creation myths have to do with hundred-pacer snakes, and there are several folktales related to hundred-pacer gods. Some consider themselves descendants of hundred-pacers, others say they are protected by them—the Paiwan people call themselves the 'People of the Hundred-Pacer.'

Examples of the hundred-pacer depicted on various items belonging to the Paiwan people. Src: 順益台灣原住民博物館 Shung Ye Museum of Formosan Aborigines, top: scabbard (M015800), bottom left: gunpowder tube (M016100), bottom right: carved figurine (M070000).

In any case, the image of the hundred-pacer appears everywhere—in sculptures, architecture, nobility's clothing (for the Paiwan people, only the noble were permitted to wear the hundred-pacer on their clothing), and infinitely many decorations. It's one of their most prevalent symbols.

From a cultural perspective, this was specifically interesting to me and relevant to the Year of the Snake collection's intent, because it was a counterexample to the theory that snakes are universally considered bad because they are dangerous. Not only do these indigenous groups have an extremely positive view on the snakes, the snakes in question are undeniably very dangerous. To me, this proves that it's possible to have respect for an animal's beauty, not in spite of, but because of its powerful ability to cause damage.

This is already true of a lot of mammalian predators—tigers and lions can certainly be very dangerous, but they're still seen as symbols of strength and power, not met with the same disgust that snakes and similar creepy-crawlies tend to evoke.

Inspiration 2: Taipei Fashion Week

Runway photos from Taipei Fashion Week SS23. The model in the center has hundred-pacers on her arms. Src: The Daily Front Row, "Taipei Fashion Week Returned With A Thought-provoking Theme," 17 October 2022.

Taipei Fashion Week SS23 opened with a show titled “CrossLab: Dialogue Between Indigenous Art and Fashion.” The basic idea was to pair up 5 designers with 5 traditional indigenous craft artisans from various indigenous tribes throughout Taiwan, mixing modern fashion with traditional techniques that are in danger of dying out.

The artisans in question are incredibly well-respected masters of their craft, recognized by the Ministry of Culture as keepers of intangible cultural heritage. Many of them inherited their skills from their families and are now some of the only individuals in the world who still know how to use them. You can read about each designer, artisan, and collaboration in the archives of Taipei Fashion Week's websites. The looks are absolutely GORGEOUS, from the clothing itself to the styling & makeup—like peak couture. I've been obsessed ever since I found out about it.

I unfortunately do not have the truckload of sponsors and connections necessary to make a collaboration of this scale happen on my own (yet!!!!!!!!), but learning about this event did make me more aware that as cultural artists we have an opportunity to create, explore, and share beyond our comfort zones.

Quick Disclaimer on Culture

While some Taiwanese Han people including myself do have some detectable traces of austronesian blood, for many it’s a percentage so small that it’s virtually negligible. Studies claiming significant overarching genetic difference in the Taiwanese Han population due to indigenous blood have been largely debunked already. While I do claim descent from Taiwanese austronesian ancestors, I am NOT able to claim indigenous culture as my own, as I have not gone through the lived experiences and context required to earn it.

To be clear, my intention is not to claim these cultural aspects, but to share their existence with the world. If this post sparks interest in anyone, I want to acknowledge that my knowledge basically ends here. If you want to learn more I would encourage looking elsewhere (I will put some links at the end) for a more authentic source of information.

Though I did my best to research accurately and respectfully, information on indigenous peoples is often either not available, of dubious accuracy, or hard to access, especially with a language barrier. Also, historical categorization of Taiwanese aborigines has always been really iffy, so there’s some disagreement about terms and descriptions that complicates things. Colonization happened & continued to happen for a very long time and there are still a lot of issues within Taiwan related to the treatment and status of indigenous people. I only hope that I can continue to pay homage to those less-often recognized cultures that played a role, however large or small, in shaping the world that we live in today, and the identities we wear on our bodies.

I hesitated on this set and this post for a very long time because I didn’t want to offend or overstep, but ultimately I went ahead with it because I think that if people always refuse to interact with or learn about something for fear of doing it wrong, then no efforts will ever be made to spread awareness and understanding about new things. To me, my objective to share these cultural concepts is worth the risk of imperfection. I tried my very best and will continue to revise things as I learn, but if I say something inaccurate, misleading or otherwise offensive, please understand that it’s never my intention, and point me in the right direction (nicely please :<).

The Design

As mentioned before, the cut follows the same construction as the Mawangdui curved-hem robes with some modifications—some parts of the trim were not bias-cut because of the positioning and orientation of the printed pattern. However, most of the other parts of the robe follow the original structure.

The fabric making up the body of the robe is velvet chiffon, an ultra-light and soft fabric with the tiniest hint of a pile. It drapes like a dream and the pile gives it the tiniest bit of that sophisticated velvety sheen on the surface—but only a little; it’s closer to chiffon than velvet. To the best of my knowledge, the fibers are polyester. The color chosen is a deep plum purple shade, taken from the second mentioned robe in the Mawangdui section.

An earlier prototype had the robe lined with a cotton fabric, but there were some issues with it: the cotton lining was noticeably thicker than the chiffon surface material, which affected the drape of the robe as a whole. This might’ve been less of a problem if, like the lined robed found in Mawangdui, they were padded with some kind of cotton or silk floss in between, but we didn’t have that, so the separation between the inner and outer layers looked odd. In the end I elected to remove the lining completely—the wrong face of the velvet chiffon was perfectly smooth and comfortable anyway, and this would allow for some flexibility in climate, since the lined version was very hot.

Src: Photo by 齊玉 (@chiyu1024 on ig), modeled by Tangtang—shot January 2025 at Yangmingshan National Park

The trims on the robe feature two printed designs that I drew, both based off of the hundred-pacer’s diamond /triangle pattern. I wanted the wide trim to resemble the actual color scheme and visual texture of the snake’s scales a little more closely, so I used similar grey-brown colors and a scale brush to create mottled, alternating diamond scales. 

One of the features that makes the hundred-pacer’s coloring so noticeable is that the delineation between the light and dark parts isn’t just a single switch of colors—on the dark triangles, the color gradually deepens as you get closer to the line; on the light diamonds, the color lightens close to the border. This emphasizes the shade contrast between them and also gives the illusion that the lighter diamond part is ‘floating’ above the triangles, since the super dark parts of the triangles appear like shadows.

Src: Liu Rui Wei, iNaturalist, Photo 315860941, August 2023, observed near 三星鄉

If you’ve ever painted you’ll be very familiar with what I’m talking about; to strengthen the appearance of an edge you increase the contrast on either side of it to ‘lift’ the brighter side and ‘push’ the darker side down. It’s nature’s very convincing imitation of leaves that have fallen on the ground—as obvious as it seems to us, it works extremely well as camouflage when the ground is littered with brown leaves.

The narrow border’s print has slightly different colors: the background is cream, like the snake’s underbelly, and the pattern itself alternates between dark red and purple. It’s more on the geometric side. One side has wide triangles, as the hundred-pacer’s pattern appears from the side, and the other has half-ovals, meant to imitate the round black splotches lining the edge of its belly. There are circles in between them representing the errant black scales that I’ve seen appear on their necks and bellies, and also to even out the overall appearance a little. 

Originally I wanted to narrow border to only have the belly splotch pattern, but when the sample was made it looked a bit strange—the splotches ended up being too big in relation to the diamond pattern, and their unevenness was really pronounced, which I didn’t like. I re-designed the pattern to have smaller shapes scattered throughout, which I think was a lot more visually balanced.

That about wraps it up I think! I'm supposed to get edited photos back from my January photoshoot in Yangmingshan National Park by like... next week or so, I'll do a separate post about it with pretty pictures (this post is already long enough >.<)

hey look it me

Addendum—Sources, Resources, and Ways to Support Formosan Indigenous People

Keep in mind that a lot of these sources are gonna be written in traditional Chinese. Some of them have English translation options on their websites though, you just have to look for it/accept that there's probably gonna be some mistranslations.

順益台灣原住民博物館 / Shung Ye Museum of Formosan Aborigines: Located in Shilin District in Taipei, close to the National Palace Museum, museum dedicated to indigenous peoples of Taiwan. If you ever visit Taipei and have the National Palace Museum on your list I’d recommend carving out some time to come here too! Entry is $5 USD with a bunch of discounts for students/elderly/indigenous/disabled/etc. There are four floors (including basement) to explore and tons of permanent/rotating exhibits. 

WilDesign Wildman Workshop: One of the indigenous-owned workshops I like. They’re not super duper active but they make just... really cool stuff. I got a necklace from them.

LiMA: A distribution platform dedicated to indigenous people’s handiwork. They have a physical location in Taipei on Yongkang Street that I visited (I was very shy and chickened out of chatting with the staff but it was VERY cool, it's where I found the Wildman necklace I bought). They’re endorsed by the Council of Indigenous Peoples. They have everything from jewelry to makeup to snacks.

DI NI Handmade Workshop: Another indigenous peoples’ workshop. I haven’t been to this one in person but have heard good things. It’s apparently run by a bunch of retired elementary school teachers, and they’ve got a lot of very cute jewelry, purses, pillowcases etc. 

Council of Indigenous People: Council of Indigenous people’s webpage on Paiwan people. They have regular news and info coming out. For some reason the link breaks sometimes, idk why, but if it’s not working you can probably google your way there.

Explore the Sun Qadaw : Another organization, also associated with LiMA. They share stuff about crafts, travel, events, food, etc. I think they have an instagram but idk if they're very active there 

I found this random article, I can't figure out where it's from but the info seems to check out with all the other sources????? So I guess I'll put this here too?????

National Taiwan Museum of Fine Arts:  This is a past event listing but it contains some information in it about the hundred-pacer and its depictions. 

Academia Sinica Center for Digital Cultures: Some more depictions of the snake on carvings.

Taiwan Environmental Information Center: Article on the hundred-pacer legends. 

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🌈 2 Days Until my Surgery 🌈

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ I finished up most of the story yesterday so today I'll queerness bc it's pride month under the cut! 🌈🌈🌈

But you can read through my journey starting here

First, let's talk about this outfit. Yes, I bought the shorts and top at Spencer's and honestly you can easily find someone who matches it at a large enough pride event. But, it's hard for me to not be sentimental about it. Especially since I wore it at least once the last three years.

(Pictures taken June 11, 2022 and June 10, 2023)

And you can see how it and I have subtly changed these last three years of my transition. (Too bad I didn't have for my first year of transition but such is life 🤷‍♀️). And every year I get excited to wear it again!

Because being queer means a lot to me. I wasn't one of those people who always knew they were queer. But, I never felt connected to my cishet peers either. It's odd looking back and thinking about how my normal group of friends were cishet but at things like summer camp and then college I would quickly make friends with queer people. I really wanted to be like them but couldn't know why because I felt like I didn't deserve to be as cool and free as them.

But, when I let myself dive head into queerness I finally realized that I queer people are mostly awkward nerds and all of them just want to live their lives as fully honestly themselves. And that I could relate to. And that's what made it easy for me "to rip off the band-aid" and transition. It's what let me walk out into a world where I knew I would get hateful stares because I knew I wasn't alone. And seeing how other queer people's eyes light up when they see me showed me I made the right decision because I made them feel less alone too.

And making friends in the queer community is so much easier than in the cishet community. Because there's a lot more likelihood that they'll understand your awkwardness and admire your weirdness. I said earlier that I had gone to a few house parties and actually enjoyed myself for the first time. I think the best way to show why is this anecdote. I remember being in this circle of people standing around awkwardly silent and then someone said "I'm autistic and house parties make me uncomfortable can someone start talking?" and someone replied with how they felt the same way and how they felt the same way and then a conversation started about how hard parties are and social interactions in general but we were glad to be here and to try to connect with people.

And I love studying queer history a lot. Mostly because I'm curious how I would fit in to a time/culture in history. But also I love seeing how we don't fit in existed and how society understood our non-conformity. We have always existed. Queerness is part of the human condition.

The queer community is far from perfect. We all come from very different backgrounds and often have biases we need to work on. But, it's worth it to carve out your place in the community and to find people who understand and support you and to reciprocate for them. Because the alternative is being alone.

And we all deserve to feel loved, in whatever form you need. And because I'm feeling sentimental so here's a picture of me and my love 🥲

(Picture taken June 8th, 2024)

I have one last update before my surgery tomorrow where I'll look towards the future ✨

Next part

[the-supremeverse]

happy birthday epic sansequel !

oh. you really are blind, arent you?

blindBrainac [BB] opened private board "Epic le bruh". blindBrainiac [BB] added desertedDoofus [DD] to the board. blindBrainiac [BB] added doughtyBoxer [DB] to the board. blindBrainiac [BB] added cautiousBeliever [CB] to the board. blindBrainiac [BB] added dramaticCalculator [DC] to the board. [BB]: Oops. Wasn't supposed to add last one. [BB]: Actually, nevermind. [BB]: It's not like she's reading messages anyway. [DD]: May I perchance ask a logical question that naturally arises in this situation? [BB]: Add your bruh here bruh. [DD]: Understood. desertedDoofus [DD] added chronicCriminal [CC] to the board. [DD]: By the way, you didn't answer my question. [BB]: I know. [CB]: Oh, hello [CB]: What's this? [BB]: This is a chat where you all can ask me whatever you want bruh. [BB]: And for you it's for talking, i guess. [CB]: Thanks! [BB]: No problem bruh! [CC]: what the hell [CC]: cole why did u add me to this shit [CC]: wait dont answer [CC]: its about talk to people shit aint it [CB]: Hi Kyle! [CC]: who r u again [CB]: We talked a month ago [CC]: k [DB]: HI GUYS [CB]: Hello! I don't remember talking to you [DB]: I DONT TOO [DB]: dsjfgifosdnfgiudfniogncviongfcihgf [CC]: weirdo [DB]: what the fuck is this [CC]: takin my words back this guy rocks [DB]: erin i asked you [DB]: what [DB]: the fuck [DB]: are you doing [DD]: Language. [DB]: what do you mean language [DB]: im not your son [CC]: i am [CB]: Are you really? [CC]: nah [CB]: Sad [DB]: [DB]: erin you didnt answer my question [DD]: If you read the whole conversation throroughly, you'll see that our toastmaster didn't answer me either. I believe this is because he secretly does "LOL" so to speak, as if we are here for his amusement. [CC]: nerd [DB]: nerd [CB]: Nerd [DD]: While I can see you being somewhat conflicted about my manner of speach, I prefer that you don't straight up insult me. [CC]: can i insult u not straight up [DD]: No. [CC]: sad [CB]: So... What are you guys doing? [DB]: are you blind [CB]: No, I can see... [BB]: I can't. [DB]: there you are [DB]: answer me you dirty sock [CC]: pfft [DB]: why did i say that [CC]: man ur so laughable [CC]: do u have ana [DB]: what the fuck is ana [CC]: collection of anecdotes duh [CC]: even i know it

[CB]: Guys [CB]: I think we should talk [DB]: we are doing that now dingus [CC]: pffthahaha [DB]: why did i fucking say that [DD]: I don't like to judge people by their manner of speech, but it appears that you have an unstable mental condition. [DB]: fuck you [CB]: GUYS MY NAME IS ALEX!!!!!! [CC]: tysm for the reminder [CC]: well if we r introducing ourselfs [DD]: Ourselves. [CC]: that he said [CC]: names kyle [DD]: Cole. [DB]: im dan [CC]: huh [CC]: i thought ud say smth like [CC]: hurr hurr why did tell them my name hurr [DB]: why should i say that [CC]: cuz ur laughable [DD]: Can agree with my friend's claim. You do seem like a funnyman. [DB]: and youre all numbskulls [CB]: Guys, he's like a kid! [CB]: He can't swear like a fine man [CC]: well he can say fuck for some reason [CC]: dont say language dad please dad [DD]: I won't animadvert you, son. After all, you're a grown man. You should know how things work here, in the world of adults. [CC]: yes thank you dad ur the best [DB]: what the hell is animadvert [DC]: To criticize or censure. [DC]: Yes, I'm alive. [BB]: Holy bruh! [DC]: Erin, why did you add me to this chat? [BB]: For funsies, obviously. [DB]: so youre answering some random girl but not your best friend [DC]: Shush, adults are talking. [CC]: pffthahahahaha!!!! [CC]: i like u [DC]: I know who you are. [CC]: sheesh [CB]: I don't understand [CB]: Is that some kind of science experiment? [DC]: Bingo. [DC]: Now shut up and listen. [BB]: So as i said earlier this chat is for you bruhs talking. [BB]: Welcome! [DB]: im going to hell

[fopal]

Caleb’s Writing Appreciation Post

SPOILERS ON CALEB’S MYTH, ANCEDOTE, CARDS, AND MAIN STORY.

I might edit this.

Yes, I acknowledge it’s a game and maybe I’m taking it too seriously but I feel like I need to get this off my chest as I feel it’s the reason I create anything in the first place. Also, this is my interpretation. You’re free to agree or disagree.

Caleb from Love and Deepspace is my favorite and I like that he’s not perfect. I never really thought about why I liked him until I started seeing more analysis on his character. In a world where some of us don’t get to grow up with a happy beginning it’s nice to see what I consider a realistic depiction of PTSD. To be able to be seen and not dehumanized more than PTSD victims already are. (I DO NOT SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHO SUFFERS FROM PTSD OR CPTSD)

There are countless media that can depict it unseriously, barely cover it, and villainize it because in a way it’s easy to. It’s easy for people to accept that the hero moved on and made their own happy ending even through the pain but that’s so invalidating. Some people can but not everyone can make peace with themselves as they don’t know how to.

Caleb is a guy who doesn’t know if he can achieve peace, instead relying on MC for what could probably be his happiness and salvation. His purpose is her and that breaks my heart because Caleb is already enough. He shouldn’t need to rely on MC for that but I understand why he does. I think what breaks my heart is the four star cards because they show Caleb in a way we didn’t get to see in the game. He’s a nerd, a role model, beloved by peers, a leader, respectful but genuinely playful. I don’t see a mask like I do in the main story. Sure he hides his feelings for MC but the rest feels real. All of it. He is so humanized and we get to see the type of person who just looks forward to what he can do. Appreciating the life he has and maybe, I like to think this, sees himself moving on and capable of healing. Healing without MC and just being able to see them separate instead of a combined pair forever.

Yet the reminder of death in the DAA is what stops Caleb because death doesn’t just mean what we all know of it, an absence, but a reintroduction. As we interpreted MC and Caleb were both experimented on by Ever. Yet every time MC died, her memories were erased and Caleb had to reintroduce himself. Messing with his psyche and damaging any structured existence of their relationship at the time. The anecdote explores his powerlessness and the constant reintroduction of the concept of death that came back to haunt him in his childhood.

How he physically doesn’t see himself enough because at the end of the day Caleb is human and he understands his limit. He can’t come back from the dead, he can't stop time, he can’t fly or has abilities that could move the world. He is just a guy which is another layer to loving Caleb because Rafayel is a merman, Sylus is a dragon, and Xavier is an alien. You get the jist. Yes, they all have powers but Caleb knows that his ability useful yet it can't necessarily change what he ultimately is. A human who can’t change the fate that is death because death does come for everyone.

He just is who he is. This is also an interpretation on my part but I deeply believe Caleb hates himself. Not just for what he did in the main story but because he isn’t strong enough for what dangers lurk in the dark. He knows they exist and what is also heartbreaking is his paranoia is correct. There are people out there waiting to hurt him and in a way he feels justified for his anxieties. He is constantly proven throughout his life that there are dangers out there waiting to kill him and MC. I think he wants to be proven wrong but it ultimately isn’t the case.

So yes, we covered Caleb is a human being who constantly is reminded death exists especially when he is made to write letters EVERYTIME he does a mission with the DAA. It might be just me but that is too much even if the intention was good. I don’t know if Caleb was lying in that five star, Floating Floraletter, that the DAA made him do it but seriously wow. That definitely isn’t helpful for his psyche. If he was the only one who did it and the DAA legit didn’t even make that a rule, then it just shows another layer of his helplessness along with trauma of the repetition that the worst part of your past will come back again.

We get to see this weighing on him especially being separated from MC for the first time when he joins the DAA. The reintroduction of death in his life and how he tries to mask this pain in front of others who see him as this rising star. He never saw himself that way, he acknowledges that he’s a good pilot but never was crazy about it. His mental evaluations are the most obvious instance showing his decline in his mental state and I think it’s because his nonchalance with his life stems from the self hatred that he isn’t strong enough which we covered. As he continues on, I think we get the most obvious and important writing of his character which is the accident. He believes he's going to die. He believes his fate has led him up to this and from what we know of the story he isn’t proven wrong about that.

How is Caleb supposed to believe his fears are irrational when the world proves they aren’t?

I think we also get to understand his trauma the most from his accident and in a way what he went through with Ever. How he felt during those days and what sort of beliefs they forced him to accept of himself which is that this is meant to happen. He has to see this as hopeless, Ever made him believe that and that he is a weapon which dehumanizes himself in the process. A weapon for MC. But when that weapon is useless or finds itself at its end then it serves no purpose. He has no purpose but what Ever made him believe and what the world in fact reinforces about those beliefs.

Something I also like about Caleb is he doesn’t use his trauma as an excuse. Never. He doesn’t even mention it to MC. She finds out about the letters on her own and from what I heard in the five star card Painful Signal, she finds out what Ever did to him. (I don’t have Painful Signal but I’m hoping everyday that it will come back 😭I also maybe be wrong but I want to experience it myself). Caleb doesn’t define himself with his trauma and I also maybe wrong about this but I don’t even think he knows how deeply his trauma is affecting him. He doesn’t even try to work through it because he doesn’t think he should as MC’s is more important. Which delves into another thing I want to get into which is codependent relationships.

Like he shouldn’t depend on MC for his happiness and should care more for himself because he is hurting MC by not doing so. Caleb is hurting the one of the most important people in MC’s life, himself. She loves Caleb but he doesn’t from what I figured, love himself especially from what the toring chip is doing in the main story. I don’t even know if he can healthily love himself with that stupid chip. How can someone love someone who doesn’t love themselves?

Yes, Caleb has done awful things. I know. Drugging MC, lying, locking her in a room, and suffocating her independence along with privacy but they make sense. I think it’s another reason why Caleb can’t love himself because he does harmful things whether it be motivated by the chip or otherwise that just validate that “yeah I deserve this because I am only those mistakes. Look what’ve you done, all you do is hurt her even if it is for her own good.” There is a conflict in his character but it all stems from an unresolved trauma that he can’t understand.

I want to say more but yeah this is just a part of why I love him because he represents what literature should represent which is written stories that speak for those who aren’t heard. People who need something to feel seen and heard whether it be trauma or relationships.

Caleb is enough and so is anyone who experienced things similar to him or are struggling with their mental health. You don’t need others for your happiness because it is possible to live your life instead of it being a survival. It’s easy for me to say those words and it is completely different applying them but healing is possible albeit as long as it’s difficult. However, it is possible and I hope it finds whoever is struggling.