#allen void (composer)

[dailyenglishvoca]

Today's song us Come With Me by Allen Void featuring the Synthesizer V voicebank Mo Chen

Content warning: mild flashing, themes concerning suicide and self harm

[100jewels-between-teeth]

Ch. I

Word Count: 3637

Masterlist ¤ AO3 ¤ Ko-Fi

~ CW: Graphic depictions of violence

AN: I'm ferally excited to begin sharing this with everyone. The idea has been in my head for a long while and now I get to put it out there! Big big thank you to @enterthedreams for proofing and just being generally amazing.

If you wish to be updated for future chapters, let me know, and I'll add you to the tags! Now, enjoy!!

“Resignedly beneath the sky The melancholy waters lie. So blend the turrets and shadows there That all seem pendulous in air, While from a proud tower in the town Death looks gigantically down.” -”The City in the Sea” Edgar Allen Poe

Tendrils of smoke pooled from his mouth and nose, dancing around him. The next was a breath mixed with the midnight sea breeze, carried away towards the distant ships of the harbor. With the sounds of the old ships groaning at the docks, the occasional shout and laugh of the late night stragglers, it was almost as if the smoke had some kind of harmony to dance to. A fleeting one, as the next breeze whisked it away into the far unknown of the city. 

The Gate always seemed so different at night. 

If one were to excuse the robberies, murders, and other unsavory activities that seemed to thrive at this time, it was almost beautiful. But maybe, to him at least, that was part of the splendor of it all. The unclean, the unsavory, it all had its appeal, he supposed. He was like that once, and he was nothing if not charismatic.

The sound of metal on stone broke him out of his thoughts, heavy steps making their way towards him from one of the alleys. It was the scent that really tipped Enver off first: a suffocating mixture of rot and dust. With another pull from his pipe, he emptied the contents into the inky black void of ocean beneath him, watching the ash dissipate and sink. 

For a moment, he could see the bodies he had placed in that very same spot. Vacant eyes staring up at him as they sank below. Hundreds of unspoken curses, each one paving the path closer to his ambitions. 

“Honestly, you’d think one of your station would at least have the common decency to bathe” The lord turned up his nose as he finally faced Ketheric, his cane leisurely staying at his side. “At the very least, it wouldn’t kill you.” 

He only received a huff from the cloaked figure. The Man strode up beside him, taking a moment to take in the ocean air before he removed his hood. The silver of his hair and beard seemed to illuminate from the moonlight above. Out here, he almost seemed alive. 

Almost. 

“The last person I would think about taking any kind of advice from is you, upstart.” The timbre of his voice reverberated inside Enver’s chest. Even in monotone, that voice still commanded power. Authority. It made even Enver shiver. They stood together for another long pause of silence, the tension growing quite palpable. “This could have been much more efficient if we had this meeting at Moonrise, or even in your...fine abode, Gortash.” 

There was something about the way Ketheric spoke his name that just irritated Enver. Like he was talking down to some child, in lieu of the fastest growing political powers in this city. 

“Unfortunately, we are still in a position where we need to be concerned about the walls listening to us. Besides, anyone that passes by here will either be too drunk to understand what we are discussing, or will be dead before sunrise.” Gortash waved his hand dismissively to the general, twirling his cane just so he had something to do with his hands. 

Under normal circumstances, Enver usually was far more in control and composed with these kinds of situations. Yet the general just unsettled him to no end. Was it the aura of undead? The separation of age? Or did he just see the Lord of Bones in those dead, lifeless eyes?

Ketheric simply raised a brow, looking the other up and down.

“So tell me, old friend, how does this new lease on life that your gracious lord gifted you feel?” Enver straightened his back a little. If the General was going to inspect him, might as well give the old man a show. 

The general scoffed at the assumption of friendship, wanting nothing more than to take that irritating smirk off of the lord's face. 

“He sees I still have a vital part to play. My devotion to him will not sway. I am his  justice -” The speech was quickly cut off by the lord’s snickering beside him as he balanced himself on the cane. 

“Gods, and I thought I was the one with the potential for grandstanding.” The scowl on the old man's face elicited another snicker. “Truly, Ketheric. If this whole general business doesn't work out for you, I'm sure you'd have a wonderful time in the world of politics.” Gortash motioned to Thorm with a flourish. “The Baldurian's, at least, would love you.” 

“Unlike you, Gortash, I did not have to scheme my way into power.” 

“No, only betray your greatest values. A few times, if I’m not mistaken.” The way Ketheric tensed tipped Enver off that he was indeed on thin ice. 

“Do not worry though, I'm sure most of us have surely had our own moments of weakness. Besides, with recent potential investments, I'm sure most would look over your past mistakes.” 

“How reassuring.” Sarcasm dripped like rotted ichor from his mouth. “You have quite the amount of confidence for one that is relying on a lot of… potentials.” Ketheric looked out to the ocean again before his eyes went back to Gortash, much more serious. “I'm not here to play silly political games with you, Gortash, and I'm sure our predecessors would agree. Now why have you asked me here.” 

“We haven’t  been chosen on a whim, dear General.” It was Enver’s turn to change his tone. “To save you the speech, it is time for a centuries old pact be reignited. With recent events taking place, we now have the greatest chance we could be gifted for absolute domination… and it starts with what is below your home.” The look of befuddlement on Ketheric's face was enough to quell any remaining nervousness Gorthash had felt. 

“I've devised a plan-” 

The sound of gurgling took the words from his mouth, both staring back into the alley. The golden eye, illuminated by brilliant crimson steel, froze Gortash in his place. Even Ketheric stood straighter. Slowly, they saw the crimson blade make their way from the stranger’s throat to his groin, body spasming in its death throes. 

All the while, Gortash stared into those brilliant liquid gold eyes, the stare almost searing into his brain. The grotesque sound of the man's entrails slipping onto the wet stone below, followed by the body, could only make the General shake his head. 

Slow, wet steps came towards them as the moonlight illuminated her face. Gortash had only met her a handful of times, yet the sight still made his throat tighten.

Ketheric was the first to regain composure, clearing his throat. Those eyes went to the General before she removed her hood. Her hair was damp, black strands clinging to olive skin. 

“A pleasure… to finally meet Myrkul’s chosen.” The Bhaalspawn inspected Ketheric, the look in her eyes flickering between predatory and admiration. 

When those same eyes landed on Gortash, they quickly changed to annoyance. 

“Lovely to see you again, my dear.” It took everything within Enver to hide his indignation. 

Just seeing how she smirked at his feeble attempt to gain some kind of control filled him with a silent rage. Judging by how her smirk grew, he was not surprised if she could smell it on him. 

“Never expected one of your kind to be so…” Ketheric was almost at a loss for words, the woman seizing the bit.

“Eloquent? Civilized? Lucid?” The Bhaalspawn circled around the man like a vulture, the image almost making Gortash laugh. “Oh, don’t fret, you're exactly how I expected one chosen by Myrkul to be. Dead, covered in the dust of his former life.”

Now that made Enver laugh. The two looked at him as he did his best to cover it with a cough. 

The tension was palpable for a few moments, all three waiting for the other to make a move. The Bhaalspawn cleaned her blade on her cloak, staring back at the body wistfully before sheathing the blade. The look on Gortash’s face tipped her off that he was less than impressed with the spectacle. 

“What?” She grabbed the body from the alley, dragging it so it could slip off the pier into the water below. “I was doing you a favor.” The three just silently watched the horrified face sink below before Gortash cleared his throat. 

“Well, “Gortash said, clapping his hands, “since we are all introduced now, I feel it is time to speak of why we’re truly -” The woman was quick to step in front of Gortash, smirking as he stumbled on the words. 

“Yes, the plan that I came up with that you so graciously tried to take the credit for.” She sneered at the lord, gold eyes brimming with irritation. “But you might as well finish what you started.”

“I would if the interruptions would cease,” Enver hissed. 

Ketheric rolled his eyes at the immature display. With a shrug from the Bhaalspawn, Gortash continued. 

“As you’re both well aware, we have all been chosen for a purpose, and it seems that our lord's have decided it best that we all work towards the same goal. Just as in the past, we continue the Pact of the Dead Three.” There was little reaction from Gortash’s compatriots, steeling himself before continuing.

“After some... collaboration,” His eyes flicker to the woman, “It seems a perfect plan has been laid out before us. All that stops us is our willingness to work together and take it..” Enver raises his hand, clenching it into a fist. The others could not help but roll their eyes, waiting for him to get on with the rest. 

“General, it seems that you hold one of the key figures to this plan, right beneath the very stone of your home.” 

The gleam of joy in Enver’s eyes was undeniable as he watched the General go through the stages of confusion to disbelief. 

“To even entertain the thought of any of us somehow using, let alone convincing, an Elder Brain, not to mention the colony surrounding it to work with the Dead Three? I see that Bane has chosen a man on a suicide wish.” Ketheric shook his head, scoffing at the mere notion that the three of them stood a chance against such a creature. 

“Hear him out.” She nodded for Gortash to continue. The spawn stepping in to support Gortash was enough to make Ketheric pause in shock for a moment. “Trust me, it is worth the risk.” 

“Thank you.” Even Enver was a little surprised at her sudden change in behavior. Shrugging it off, he kept going. “I agree, Ketheric, it would be a foolish endeavor for us to even try convincing the creature. But, what if we had means to control it?” 

The lord’s trademark smirk grew wider, which in turn made the General’s frown deepen. “Unless you have suddenly become the greatest archwizard of all time, I highly doubt it. This is becoming a waste of time -”

“The Crown of Karsus.” The Bhaalspawn looked directly at Ketheric now, gold eyes alight. “We may not be able to convince it, but we can bring it to heel and make it obey us.” 

Restless, the spawn began pacing back and forth, her eyes still trained on the General at all times. 

“Tell me, child of Bhaal,”  Ketheric arched a brow, his stare condescending as the girl laughed,  “How is it you know of such an artifact? Is that common knowledge around your circles?”

“Honestly, do you think of me as an untrained rabid dog?” Venom dripped from her tone, Gortash noticing her fingers twitch for just a moment. “I do know my fair amount of history, thank you. My father made sure I was born with a proper brain.” 

He almost considered stopping her if she were to lunge at the other’s throat. 

Almost. 

“Anyways, the plan is relatively simple.” Enver took the lead in conversation again. “We get the crown, place it on the Elder Brain, and use it to create an army worth the names of our lords.” Ketheric was quick to wave his hand dismissively. 

“If it does actually exist, how do we expect to find it?” The smile on the spawn’s lips grew, rocking on her feet a little. 

“We already know where it is located. It seems that after the fall of Netheril, Mephistopheles himself claimed possession. Now it remains sealed in his vault in Cania.”

“And how did that information fall in your hands?” The General stood much straighter now, that dismissive look now shifted to one of trepid curiosity. 

“My father showed it to me.” The toe of her boot scuffed itself on the cobblestone as she looked down. “In a dream.” 

Gortash couldn't stop himself from pinching the bridge of his nose. The bark of laughter that escaped Ketheric made the two of them jump. It was not a sound they ever expected to hear from him, making it much more unsettling. 

“So, that’s what we’re basing this entire plan? Dreams?” He motioned between the two of them, eager for some kind of answer. 

“Oh? I would think you would be the last to turn your nose up at a divine gift from your lord.” She got closer to Ketheric, staring up at him with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “Or are you really that unappreciative? Does Myrkul know? I'm sure he would be quick to resurrect another’s decayed carcass to do his work.” 

The General swallowed the lump in his throat, eliciting a larger smile from the spawn. 

“Either way,” she went on, turning her back to Ketheric and pacing back closer to Gortash. “Bhaal has shown us exactly where to go. Now, all that is left is to get there and get the crown.” 

Shaking his head, Ketheric let out another chuckle, this entire plan reaching levels of absurdity. “So what you’re saying is that the three of us make our way to the eighth layer of the hells, and perform one of, if not the most, ridiculous heist of all time.” 

“Exactly.” Both Gortash and the spawn agreed at the same time, giving each other a put off look before making the space between them slightly larger. 

“There has to be more to this than what you're saying. This can’t be it. Say we actually manage to steal the crown, how do we even control the Elder Brain?” Ketheric’s voice was tense, eyes kept flashing between disbelievement and genuine curiosity, his head tilting to the side. 

“There seem to be three foci that resonate with the crown itself. Using these three stones, we can control whoever, or whatever wears the crown. Convenient, for us.” Gortash said, shrugging his shoulders. “With that control, we can use the illithids to infect others with the parasite. With enough infected, who is there to stop our masters?” 

Gortash felt the muscles tense in his throat at the word. The spawn could see him tense, quickly flitting her eyes away before she was noticed. 

“Besides,” she spoke, motioning towards Ketheric. “You will be staying here. There is a different plan for you in all this.” 

Ketheric was taken aback, confused at the possible implications. “Are you saying I am not capable of such a heist?”

“Well we certainly wouldn't want one of your age and accomplishment to be over exerting themselves now, would we?” The glares Gortash received not just from the General, but from the Spawn made him put his hands up in feigned surrender. “Easy now, merely a joke. But in all honesty, we find that there is much more important work for you to do up here.”

“Such as?” Ketheric raised his brow.

“Even with my followers, we do not have the proper numbers to stage an invasion on the illithid colony.” The girl tried her best to keep her tone strong. Ketheric noticed the uneasiness in her voice. “If we are to have a chance at getting the crown on that brain, we need a big enough army to pose a distraction. Keep its attention away from us. Which is where you come in.” She motioned to the general, taking a deep breath before she continued. 

“We need you to raise a number of undead. Canon fodder, to throw at those squids until we can secure the crown on its head. So, while the upstart and I are gone –” She could not help but smirk as he hissed a breath through his nose. “--you will be building this army. I will have my sister, Orin, bring some cultists to you at Moonrise to… procure necessary ingredients, let's say.” The unsure look in Ketheric’s eyes fed into her anxiety, but she had to have some faith. “Don't worry, I'll make sure she is kept on a proper leash for you.” 

“Not the only one who needs it…” Gortash mumbled under his breath. 

She did not look back to him, but he could see the Bhaalspawn tighten her hand into a white knuckled fist, blood slowly blooming from her nails. 

“And what is your way to actually get into Cania? Not exactly a short distance to travel for the two of you.” Ketheric questioned, his eyes darting between the two. 

Gortash was the one to speak before the spawn.

“That, General, is what I am just completing. An old contact of mine has the means to make a temporary portal between here, and Cania. With that supplies, once we reach the vault, we can easily teleport the crown straight to your door. No sense in lugging such a heavy thing back.”  

The spawn jumped in after. “We will travel to the eighth layer by the barge on the Styx. Both the upstart and I have been able to procure a fair amount of Soul Coins. I'm sure Charon wouldn't mind giving us the lift.” 

There was another long pause between the three Chosen. Each looked between each other for some kind of affirmation. It wasn't until they started hearing faint birdsong that they were snapped out of their contemplation, all three looking into the horizon, now starting to show signs of morning bleeding in. 

“I will not go against the plan set in motion by our masters.” Ketheric’s voice was tense, yet firm. “If this is what we must do to see their grand design come to fruition, who are we to object?” 

Adjusting his cloak, he covered his head with the hood, readying his departure. 

“Wonderful!” Gortash clapped his hands together, his face positively radiating with cheer. “My business with this colleague shouldn't take too long, so I would expect us to see each other again within the week, at your humble abode.” Enver motioned to Ketheric  “We will bring those cultists in tow, best to get an early start on that army.”

Giving Gortash the slightest nod of the head, Ketheric turned his attention to the Bhaalspawn, her face calm. 

“Praise be the Dead Three,” she said quietly, bowing her head as Kethric turned on his heel, disappearing into the shadows. 

“Well, as enjoyable as your company is, I am a busy man with many things -” Enver was cut off by a crimson blade, the tip poking into his throat. 

“I am surprised, upstart, that you would take credit for this plan so quickly.” Her golden eyes burned with curiosity as she looked him up and down. The spawn stepped closer, forcing Gortash to put his back to the wall. “Interesting that you would omit how it was me who brought this to you.”

Her eyes narrowed as a small smile grew on her lips. Enver tried to mirror the expression, yet his own wavered in nervousness. 

“As the one who perfected the plot, I felt it was only right.” He knew he was treading on thin ice, the woman easily able to end him here and now. 

But both knew, there would be no other replacement capable of fulfilling this heist. Taking another step closer, the spawns face was mere inches from Enver’s, their breaths mixing. He was surprised how hers faintly smelt of mint. 

“Well, it is a good thing I am understanding. The credit is yours.” Her voice was menacingly quiet. “Now, if the plan fails spectacularly… our Three Lords know exactly who to direct their disappointment and rage at.” With a slight flick, the blade tip was removed from his throat, not without making the slightest incision on his adams apple. The woman’s eyes flickered to the blood beginning to bloom. “By the way…” 

Her hand reached out towards their right, her hand twisting and emanating a red glow. From the shadows, another figure slowly walked out, their eyes glowing the same hue that resonated around the spawn’s hand. Gortash quickly made out the emblem of the Guild on his chest, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

“Your throat, cut it to the bone.” The spawn hissed to the spy. 

The spy slowly took out their dagger, and after a brief pause, began cutting into their throat. Like a saw, the man cut left and right, blood pouring to the stone as their jugular was brutally torn apart. The smile never left the girl's face as, after another few seconds, the body collapsed before them, knife stuck in the guild member’s throat. 

“That is yet another favour. Be careful, lordling. Would hate Arden to not be around for your death.” Turning away, the woman stepped on the body, eliciting another hiss of blood to spurt towards Enver as he watched her walk into the shadows, quickly disappearing. 

It was when she was out of sight that Gortash realized two things: First, his heart was pounding in his chest, ears filled with each throbbing pulse. 

 The second: His lungs shrieked for air that had been denied them since the moment she nicked him.

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Tags: @theannoyingurge @enterthedreams @rivthewriter

[the-worm-man]

worm facts

Worms breathe through their skin, which is why they’re slimy

Worms help gardens by creating tunnels for roots to grow

Worms do NOT split into two worms by being cut in half. Heads will regenerate new tails, but tails are useless and die instantly

Contrary to popular belief, worms only eat dirt for fun. Worms actually feast on leaves and corpses

Worms have five hearts, but that’s still not enough to beat Danny Devito’s record of eight

There are many types of worms, like Earth, Tape, Flat, and Alaskan Bull

All worms are on the LGBTQA+ spectrum

Worms do not taste good with mustard or tartar sauce

Every wig is actually a worm in disguise

Worms like musicals, but don’t really appreciate them.

Worms can and will happily consume any poem written by Edgar Allen Poe.

There is an alpha worm that is indistinguishable from normal ones, so always ask

If you are racist and see a worm there is no escape

There is a worm layer of the earth that is composed of over 200,000,000 worms

Ludwig Van Beethoven was actually a worm, but everyone was too polite to tell him

A popular worm sport is exposing pedophiles to the public. The worm in the lead is named Natalie, with about 75 points and counting

Worms go to the surface when it rains to observe our weaknesses

Worms do not like human sacrifices, but will gladly accept bell peppers

Mothman was once the worm president but he left office after becoming a true moth

When a worm makes the ok symbol, run and don’t look back

When talking to worms, do not use English. Pig Latin is acceptable but Morse code is preferred

Worms use their powers to help others, unlike most politicians and billionaires

You can kill a worm with enough effort, but you can never sleep safely again

Worms are actually at the top of the food chain, but they don’t like to use their full power

Every time someone dabs worms collectively grow in power. There was an exponential increase in Worm Power from 2014 to 2017

A worm was once President of the United States, but she made all the other presidents look inadequate so all records of her were destroyed. 

Worms living under rocks are actually the familiar of a nearby witch. 

Worms live everywhere, even in the void

All worms cried at the ending of Gravity Falls.

There is no national worm day because it would fall on Halloween and they didn’t want to steal the thunder of the skeletons 

There has been one (1) bad worm in history

Worms love you and want you to be happy

[two-are-the-trees]

Jazz and The Gothic

I haven’t seen much discussion about the place of jazz music in the gothic genre but as I mentioned briefly in my post about creepy cartoons, jazz songs of the early to mid 20th century often featured dark subject matter and imagery in their lyrics, extremely reminiscent of other gothic media. Additionally, a lot of this music heavily influenced later gothic media, like the cartoons they were featured in, as well as many more current works like compositions by Danny Elfman and the miniseries, Over the Garden Wall. It also performed a similar function of classic gothic literature, examining various social or moral issues in complex ways and focusing on uneasiness and uncanniness to explore structures within society. 

Of course the first name that comes to mind when discussing gothic jazz is Cab Calloway, one of the most prominent jazz artists of the 20th century. His distinct wailing voice and his unpredictable movements in his dancing not only exemplified the improvisational and creative qualities of jazz music, but also created eerie moods in his darker songs. The lyrics of these songs also tell tragic stories and imply horrific images. Arguably his most popular song, “Minnie the Moocher” which was accompanied by surreal, disturbing animation in the Betty Boop cartoon of the same name, alludes to prevalent drug problems during the Great Depression of the 1930s. It tells the story of Minnie, who gets into the world of cocaine and opium thanks to her boyfriend (who is most likely a bootlegger or drug-related criminal). Despite the mention of fabulous riches, the song ends with the words, “Poor Min,” implying that she met a tragic fate. This becomes clear at the realization that a real Indianapolis woman named Minnie Gayton, who fell into homelessness and perpetual begging, served as the inspiration for the song. 

“Minnie the Moocher” also has an equally dark sequel song called “The Ghost of Smokey Joe.” The gothic motifs in this song are more obvious as it’s sung from the point of view of the ghost of Minnie’s old boyfriend after he died (presumably of a drug overdose). Smokey Joe comes to haunt the drug dens he used to hang around in. He demands to know where Minnie is and explains that he has a chariot to take her to his “estate in Hades,” implying that his illegal activities landed him a spot in eternal damnation, and he plans to drag his girlfriend down with him. This song not only warns against the personal consequences of using dangerous drugs, but also the moral responsibility of drug lords for “dragging others down” with drug addiction and abuse. 

Cab Calloway also sang “San Francisco Fan,” a warning about the dangers of gambling. The song itself focuses on the girlfriend of an abusive gambler. She is forced to live in poverty so that her boyfriend can use her wages for more bets until she eventually takes a bullet for him after he is accused of cheating. The song serves as a funeral dirge for the woman, with a melancholy dragging beat and mournful lyrics. 

Calloway’s darkest song, however, evokes death throughout. “St. James’s Infirmary,” another song accompanied by creepy animation in “Betty Boop in Snow White,” laments the death of yet another unfortunate woman caught up in the criminal underworld of bootlegging and drugs. She is described as “stretched out on a long white table, so sweet, cool and so fair.” This gentle imagery of the corpse evokes the tragic beauties of Edgar Allen Poe’s work, cut down before their time. Her boyfriend then goes on to talk about his own death. He details how he wants his funeral and body prepared and says “The gang’ll know I died standing pat,” meaning that he’ll die sticking to his beliefs and lifestyle. This implies that he knows his current life in the criminal underworld will eventually lead to his death, just as it led to his girlfriend’s.

These cautionary tales of poverty and death did not exist in a void. The constant threat of destitution due to the economic crash of the Great Depression led many to desperate means to make a living. The criminal industries of bootlegging and drug dealing flourished, often leading to the violence and death depicted in Calloway’s music. The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which seven gangsters were gunned down horrifically, is just one famous example. With popular drug trends also, of course, came addiction and overdose. Even more sinister is the fact that during Prohibition, officials were encouraged to poison barrels of alcohol to discourage illegal drinking, leading to even more deaths. 

Cab Calloway was not the only famous jazz musician to sing about death and tragedy. Billie Holiday also released several songs that live on today as haunting examples of gothic jazz. One of these songs is “Gloomy Sunday,” notable for the controversy surrounding it. Originally composed by Hungarian musician, Rezsó Seress, and translated by Sam M. Lewis, it was released in the U.S. with a performance by Billie Holiday. The song has a mournful tone and lyrics that focus on death and immeasurable sorrow after losing a loved one. Perhaps more unnerving about the song are the many mentions of suicide, as the narrator sings, “Soon there'll be candles, and prayers that are said I know; let them not weep; let them know that I'm glad to go.” After it’s release, many real life suicides were blamed on the song, as rumors circulated that people killed themselves while listening to the tune. These rumors were mostly unfounded, but the urban legend does indicate that in the public eye, “Gloomy Sunday” was unique in its dark tone, and it still holds that reputation to this day.

Another well-known Billie Holiday song is “Strange Fruit,” with an even more disturbing subject. The song was originally a poem written by Abel Meeropol and remains one of the most influential pieces of African American poetry to this day. The poem and song evoke the monstrous practice of lynching black people, which most often occurred in the Southern U.S. The song describes the bodies hanging from trees in horrific detail. It tells of “Blood on the trees and blood and the root” and “The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth, scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh, then the sudden smell of burning flesh.” The jarring contrast between imagery of fresh flowers and fruit trees and imagery of rotting, mutilated bodies conveys not only the trauma lurking behind the facade of the peaceful Southern countryside, but also the frequency at which violence against black people occurred, as the bodies became part of the landscape. It’s a song that clearly uses horror and fear to convey the emotions felt by black people across the nation, evoking the tactics of the gothic genre to expose this dark reality. 

The last song I’ll discuss is “Driva Man,” written by Max Roach. This is a song released during the later era of jazz in the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement and explores more experimental tempos and tones after the big band craze of the 1950s. The song’s lyrics are delivered with only an occasional drum beat before the fuller musical interlude, creating a very ominous tone. The lyrics themselves tell of the violence faced by black slaves at the hands of merciless slave drivers (or even black workers in the 1960’s facing unfair workplace practices at the hands of their “slave driving” bosses). Some lyrics include, “When his cat 'o nine tail fly, you’d be happy just to die” and “Runaway and you'll be found, by his big old red bone hound.” Both lyrics evoke slave owner practices of using whips and dogs to control, and often even kill, their slaves. The casual delivery of the chilling lyrics is even more devastating as it reveals how commonplace these practices really were. The timing of the song’s release is significant, as it expresses the horrors faced by an entire group, even long after slavery was abolished. 

Of course there are many other jazz songs with dark tones and subject matter, and many more that inspired the gothic genre in different forms of media. The jazz genre was created by black artists and often infused with the struggles and atrocities faced by black communities. Therefore, much of jazz uses tactics of the gothic in order to express the fear felt by these communities, and by extension society as a whole when faced with nation-wide issues. These are just a few well known examples of jazz’s place in the larger gothic timeline.

[brokehorrorfan]

New Release Review: Halloween (2018)

Viewers can criticize the Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street franchises for being redundant (in the case of the former) or becoming overly campy (in the case of the latter), but at least they each managed to maintain a single, albeit messy, continuity before receiving the inevitable remake treatment. The Halloween series, on the other hand, plays out more like a choose-your-own-adventure story. The new, confusingly-titled Halloween marks the fourth distinct timeline over the course of nine movies - and that doesn’t even include Rob Zombie's remake and its sequel.

Halloween serves as a direct follow-up to John Carpenter's seminal classic of the same name, ignoring all previous sequels and picking up 40 years after the night Michael Myers came home. The silent slasher, now 61, has been locked away at the Smith's Grove Rehabilitation Facility since being apprehended following his killing spree on Halloween 1978. After escaping during a transfer that just so happens to take place on October 30, Michael Myers recovers his trusty mask and heads back to Haddonfield, Illinois to finish what he started four decades prior.

This time, however, Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis, reprising her first film role) is ready for him. No longer a hapless babysitter, barely surviving the 1978 attack has turned Laurie into a paranoid recluse. Her neurotic behavior has strained her relationship with her daughter, Karen (Judy Greer, Jurassic World), but she has a strong bond with her teenage granddaughter, Allyson (Andi Matichak). Differences aside, Laurie will stop at nothing to protect her family and stop Michael Myers once and for all.

Director David Gordon Green tends to have a "one for them, one for me" mentality when it comes to filmmaking, balancing his time between higher-profile movies with wide appeal (Pineapple Express, Your Highness) and more personal, independent projects (Joe, Prince Avalanche). Although Halloween is certainly a commercial property poised to make huge money at the box office, it still feels like a passion project, as Green's reverence for the material and respect for the fanbase is present in every frame.

Halloween features respectful nods to the original film, as well as brief homages to Halloween II and Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Mostly visual, the references serve as knowing winks to fans without diverting the attention of viewers who are unfamiliar with the source material. A couple of the callbacks, subtle as they may be, are marginally distracting, as they occur deep in the third act when tension is high.

Despite this being Green's first foray into the genre, he successfully pulls off several clever and original horror set pieces. It's a healthy mix of classic suspense and modern scares, the latter of which never come off as cheap. Only the middle act of the film rests on slasher tropes, many of which were established in the first Halloween. This portion of the 106-minute runtime favors slashing over stalking, building a high body count out of peripheral characters destined to die.

The kills are often brutal, which may be incongruous when viewed back-to-back with Carpenter's relatively bloodless film, but the violence is never as gratuitous as it was in Rob Zombie's Halloween. Academy Award-winning make-up artist Christopher Allen Nelson (Kill Bill, Suicide Squad) crafts some gory special effects. His Myers mask is one of the best looking in the series, with an aged look similar to Rob Zombie's take without losing the blank, expressionless visage of the original.

The visual style fits right at home in the Halloween universe, but Green doesn't try to imitate the anamorphic cinematography established by Carpenter and director of photography Dean Cundey. Green and his cinematographer, Michael Simmonds (Nerve, Paranormal Activity 2), capture the small, Midwestern town vibe of the fictitious Haddonfield and its autumnal atmosphere with a richer color palette. They also pull off a brilliant, one-take Steadicam shot that rivals the opening of the original Halloween.

Green co-wrote the script with frequent collaborators Danny McBride (better known as an actor from Eastbound & Down, Vice Principals, and Alien: Covenant) and Jeff Fradley (Vice Principals). Although they have roots in comedy, their script doesn't overdo the jokes. Levity is ample - largely stemming from Toby Huss (Carnivàle) as Laurie's son-in-law and Jibrail Nantambu as a wise-cracking boy being babysat - but Green and company know to pull back when the plot picks up.

More than a mere doomsday prepper, Laurie is a complex and nuanced character. In many ways, she fills the void left by Michael's late psychiatrist, Dr. Loomis, as she is the only one who knows the true evil that possesses The Boogeyman. (Loomis' importance to the legacy is acknowledged in the film.) Fearless and resourceful, the character channels great female action heroines like Terminator 2's Sarah Connor and Alien's Ellen Ripley - and Curtis matches their intensity. The isolation in which she has existed for the majority of her life and its resultant obsession mirrors that of Michael Myers.

Although there were several known actresses vying for the role of Allyson, Green smartly cast an unknown - much like Curtis in the first Halloween - in Matichak (who receives an “Introducing” credit). Despite her inexperience, she comes off as genuine, with her character echoing the innocent yet determined Laurie Strode of 1978. James Jude Courtney is perfectly cast as Michael Myers (with original The Shape actor Nick Castle donning the mask for select shots). A natural extension of the first film, he provides an imposing presence without being a big, hulking monster.

In addition to serving as creative consultant and executive producer, Halloween director/co-writer/composer John Carpenter composed the new soundtrack. It marks his first film score since 2001's Ghost of Mars, but this time around he worked with his band members from his three recent solo albums: his son, Cody Carpenter, a talented synth musician in his own right; and his godson, Daniel Davies, the son of The Kinks guitarist Dave Davies who clearly inherited his father's chops.

The soundtrack incorporates the unmistakable Halloween theme in its unnerving 5/4 time signature, along with a couple of other recognizable cues, but the majority of the score is brand new and highly effective. The inclusion of Davies' guitar occasionally brings to mind Carpenter's collaborations with metal musicians on the Ghosts of Mars score, but its integration sounds far more natural. In line with Carpenter's classic music from Halloween, Escape from New York, and The Fog, the eerie, pulsing soundscape elevates the film to the next level.

Adopting a similar approach to Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Halloween reinvigorates the dormant franchise by giving fans everything they love in a familiar way while passing the torch to a modern generation. The ultimate showdown between Michael Myers and Laurie Strode is a satisfying one, perhaps even more so than their now-retconned face-off in Halloween H20, as Laurie's dire emotional state heighten the stakes. Most importantly, David Gordon Green's Halloween makes Michael Myers scary again.

[reel-to-real-emporium]

Random Moxie HCs [Part One]

Mox has a few tattoos; a large raven in flight with void trailing behind its feathers, a rowan branch clutched in its talons on her back. An ace of spades on the inside of her left wrist in honor of her mother and grandfather.

She possesses a large mark that most people assume is yet another tattoo, appearing as a void-stricken vein branching off into smaller veins on the side of their neck and crawling down the top of their right shoulder. Upon closer inspection though, you can see that this is actually more similar to a scar. It was from the first time she died and was brought back by the vault itself.

On the inside of her right wrist, she has a lone freckle in the shape of a heart. At some point she was teased about- it was like she truly had her heart on her sleeve. She hated that.

The scar along the bridge of her nose and her cheeks isn’t actually a complete scar, it is disconnected on one side and earned through one of the many fights she got into in her past. That one being she she decided that just because she was being held back…she wasn’t giving up. Going literally headfirst into her attacker and the weapon they had. It was stupid and painful- but it did stagger them and shock the people holding her. Enough so that with the adrenaline, she was able to simply grin, face already covered with fresh blood from the new gaping wound, her nose broken- the attackers backed off. Claiming that it wasn’t worth it when Moxie was clearly crazy and had no sense of self-preservation. Both things were only partially true.

Scars litter her body from any number of things; fights, accidents, random events- she has so many that some of them she doesn’t even remember the story behind.

Her eyes are reminiscent of her father’s and grandfather’s save for the sectorial heterochromia she possesses in her right eye. The top right silver is the same rich brown as her mother’s. The rest is a hyacinth blue color with a golden bloom around the pupil which makes her eyes occasionally appear grey and hunter-green instead of gold and blue depending on the lighting.

Has always had oddly sharp teeth, inheriting them from the Rowan side of her blood. Her hair has also always been that unnaturally bright crimson, despite the fact that her mother’s was a much more natural auburn sort of ginger. [This is namely due to traits being amplified by Rowan blood.]

In addition to marathoning movies with her mother and researching the origins of the monsters within them, Acelynn also had a unique taste in literature to read to her daughter. Stoker, Wilde, Poe, Shelley- any and all of the greats and could be betters if gothic literature. And Moxie loved it. In some ways it was to desensitize Mox early to the idea of things that go numb in the night, often telling the small child that sometimes humans, could be much more violent and cruel than any monsters you found in movies and books.

Mox has a soft spot in particular for Edgar Allen Poe, for a time before Reel-to-Real she even carried around a brick that she nicknamed Amontillado as both a companion and a ‘creative use’ tool/weapon. She still has Amontillado. It’s under the counter in Reel-to-Real.

Her first crush was, to the surprise of no one, Merletta McDaniels. The leader of the eventual misfit gang she would join in her adolescence.

She learned how to play some instruments during her time in the group just for fun, the members [at least, under Merletta’s rule] often taught each other new skills. Moxie has a fondness of the electric bass guitar, she enjoys feeling the deep vibration in her bones.

Smoking was something that she picked up from that group too- though she had been around it before. Both Leigh and Acelynn had been known to smoke on occasion. Her favorite brand is hard to find and called, ‘Odds-and-Ends.’ Mostly composed of tobacco and cloves/other herbs. It is highly fragrant when smoked but pretty good at taking the edge off. Though because of how hard it is to find, she doesn’t often smoke unless really needs one or finds an occasion where she feels like it.

Because of the events of her past, she has convinced herself that she is complacent on indulging in small acts of things she wants. Keeping people at arms length or from knowing too much about her in every other aspect to protect them and herself. She can be happy enough with other people’s happiness, with helping, with seeing them live. She can survive with the small flirtations and nothing more. Its what she’s always told herself after awhile.

It’s not really a secret that Moxie has trouble backing down. Ever the type to fuck around and find out and keep going until she gets through something if she gets herself into trouble, owning her mistakes and holding her responsibilities. She will refuse or decline things if she doesn’t want to do them or can’t- but if she is challenged and feels she can handle it; there’s no going back.

Has a love of cards thanks to her mom and Leigh. Though that extends to more than just playing cards. She holds a fondness for divining tarot cards too; having procured a set through a visitor once upon a time and studying it for a long while thereafter. She keeps that deck under the counter next to Amontillado and the playing card deck, that used to be Leigh's, on her person whenever she can.

One of the things she regrets losing the most from burning down the cabin she grew up in is the box of Floriography notes composed by her and her mother. One of the random jobs Acelynn had picked up had been a florist and with their shared love of movies and media, floriography became a point of interest. Eventually, they made a collection so that they could use the flowers to speak to one another or convey messages when one or the other wasn't around- or even if it was something that they were struggling to say. Leaving flowers behind. When Acelynn eventually switched to a new job or when flowers weren't available, drawings or even the flower names were left around as a substitute. Moxie memorized most of them, but...she misses having that box. They poured hours into researching and conferring the different messages and meaning, debating which ones fit and how to incorporate them. Plotting on if the meaning changed depending on the other flowers it was paired with, dedicating an entire chunk to combinations and bouquets. Mostly...she misses seeing her mother's handwriting and the memory of coming home from school or staying up waiting for her to come home so that they could work on it together in between replaying their favorite slasher flicks.

[grimalkinmessor]

No Glory Playlist

It struck me while constructing that another playlist on Soundcloud to listen to fics to, that several of them reminded me of @obsidianpen’s No Glory (as much tends to nowadays, now that I’m thoroughly obsessed with it), so I decided that I might as well make a full one. Now, I happen to listen to a lot of rock and alternative, so that’s primarily what this list is composed of. No Glory strikes me as more elegantly themed than most of these, but it was more the lyrics that spoke to me. Hope I don’t botch the general idea of Obsidian’s plot too much, heh. (‘^+^)

Adam and Eve by The Paper Melody: I just picture Harry and Voldemort doing a very violent duet with oddly sharp dance moves.

My Name (Wearing Me Out) by Shinedown: Imprisoned Harry's mindset.

For The Glory by All Good Things: I picked this literally just because it had the word glory in the title. It also goes well with Voldemort’s conflicted mindset during the assembly.

Last One Standing by WattWhite: Harry truly is, really.

Then The Sky Opened Up and Swallowed Them Whole by The Paper Melody: If I had to pick a song to describe Harry and Voldy’s soul bond, it would be this one.

My Addiction by The Shallow Side: Do I really need to explain this one?

Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson: Is he not?

Sick Like Me by In This Moment: Voldemort's internal musings, I like to think. Very Mood.

What a Wonderful World by Chase Holfelder: A minor version of a classic that sounds very Dystopian, therefore is perfect to represent Voldemort’s new regime.

The Riddle from The Scarlet Pimpernel: For one, the pun is too great to ignore. Two,this has a feel to it that is much more velvety, as such, if I had to choose one song to describe NG, it would be this one.

Off With Her Head by Icon For Hire: I think this represents a lot of Harry’s inner turmoil in the last several chapters.

Beast by Mia Martina (Specifically The Male Version): For the more sultry and unspoken parts of Harry and Voldemort's strange relationship.

Fuck You by Lily Allen: I just picture what’s left of the Order and DA yelling this at Voldemort and Harry doing a dance number and it’s great.

I Hate Everything About You by three Days Grace: Is this not a classic Hero/Villain song? A playlist isn't complete without a song depicting the down and dirty of the love/hate relationship~

No Consequences by VersaEmerge: A very Voldemort Mood, the msug, arrogant bastard. Plus he's extra like that.

White Rabbit by Egypt central: Again, another song I imagine harry literally screaming at Voldemort. #McPissed.

Ignorance by Paramore: Harry and Voldemort screaming at each other, since I couldn’t decide if I felt bad for Tom or not.

Always by Saliva:Okay, but Mood.

Killer In The Mirror by Set It Off: I just relate this to Harry’s thoughts as time progresses and he realizes that he’s descending into the political side of Voldemort’s reign as well as the behind-the-scenes.

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.

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Didn’t Make The Cut:

Guys My Age by Hey Violet: A classic Tomarry/Harrymort song for obvious reasons(like that glaring little over-sixty-year age gap) but not relevant to the story, no matter how much I like the music.

Beauty and The Beast by Chase Holfelder: Another classic Tomarry/Harrymort song, but a bit too fluffy for this. But very Mood.

You Don’t Own Me by Grace: However much this may be Harry’s mindset (all the time, everyday, 24/7), considering Voldemort actually wins in this fic, Harry’s big boy flailing is a bit null and void.

Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons: While this is normally a typical Harrymort song, I tend to see it as more of a Grindeldore song, so it didn't quite make the cut either.

Blood by In This Moment: I saw this as Hermione’s song for this fic, but then realized the literal only relevant part was the chorus, so nah. Still badass though.

.

.

Annnnd those are all the ones that really stuck out to me. There’s probably a million more that fit or more than a few that I thought fit and really don’t, but everyone’s mind works differently. I just love this story so much. Obsidian works so hard on it and it shows because it’s just a damn masterpiece. Beautiful, truly, and it deserves a soundtrack (probably a better one than this, but eh). I TRIED. ILY!

EDIT: FUCK THE DAMN THING DIDN’T TAG AGAIN WHY TF DOES IT KEEP DOING THAT.

[iowaskablog-blog]

Iowaska and self-healing

As well as I was actually certainly not prepped for what took place. iowaska transformed my lifestyle upside down, diffusing the wall surface in between my personal as well as the planet. I viewed what I required to observe when I was actually all set to observe it.

It's my rely on consume. Right stuff is actually vicious, like a mug of electric motor oil weakened along with a dash of water. I toss it back like a discharge of low-cost whiskey.

It is actually 30 or even 40 mins after the 1st cocktail, as well as presently my feelings are actually swamped. Every opportunity I open my eyes, the area around me begins to close, kind of like what Einstein illustrates in his concept of relativity.

The competent companies that led the services advise that you start along with a basic demand: Program me that I have actually come to be.

Unexpectedly the superstars begin to rotate in a right path. For main reasons that leave me, I begin hollering at the moon, claiming over as well as over once again, "Is actually there anybody up there?

There are actually numerous methods to hit the reality of non-selfhood. Consider it as a mountain range top, along with meditators and also specific metaphysical heritages rising various edges. Hallucinogens supply a type of faster way; you acquire a glance of the greater fact without all those years of major, regimented technique.

The inquiry signifies that at some factor you shed your own self, that when you were actually a little one, your spirit was actually true, open, untainted through lifestyle. You begin to determine on your own through outside criteria.

It is actually today 5:15 pm, as well as the 1st service begins in 15 mins. I am actually fairly certain I will not as if the response-- just about no one performs, it seems to be.

For the remainder of the evening, perhaps yet another 3 hrs or two, I rest there thinking of exactly how self-centered I usually am actually, and also regarding the meaning of the serpents. The emotion was actually thus strong that I began to sob. (Edge keep in mind: Individuals burst into tears a whole lot on iowaska.).

SUDDENLY, ANDREA POSSESSES 40 OR fifty YELLOWISH SNAKES GUSHING AWAY FROM HER ORAL CAVITY As Well As INTO MINE. I spin onto my appropriate edge as well as find Andrea, a girl coming from Toronto, battling to puke. Brad, the company, had actually stated the Peruvian and also Columbian groups that utilize iowaska view removing-- puking, looseness of the bowels, weeping, chuckling, and also sleeping-- as a necessity of the recuperation the medicine carries. When you expunge, you are actually eliminating all the spitefulness-- the tension, the stress and anxieties, the concerns, the remorses, the disgust, the self-loathing.

Today, the herbal tea is actually possessing a little an instant.

I am actually certainly not worried about due to the notion of handling her discomfort; it is actually the entire untamed culture-- the serpents, the nausea or vomiting, the sights. I can not detail any one of it, and also however it was actually one of the most real take in of my lifestyle.

I take my initial cocktail around 7:30 pm, though I can not understand for certain since phones as well as electronic devices are actually stopped as quickly as you go into the air travel deck. My purpose coincides as it was actually the opening night: Program me that I have actually come to be.

It had not been till 1908 that Western side researchers accepted its own presence; English naturalist Richard Spruce was actually the initial to research it as well as blog about the "removing" it appeals to. He was actually generally thinking about categorizing the creeping plants and also leaves behind that composed the magic mixture, and also in knowing its own task in Amazonian society.

RIGHT STUFF Is Actually NASTY, LIKE A MUG OF ELECTRIC MOTOR OIL WATERED DOWN ALONG WITH A SPRINKLE OF WATER. Just about every person listed below is actually carrying out iowaska for the 1st opportunity, as well as our team are actually all afraid shitless. They declare the very first telephone call to consume, as well as I create my means to the face of the line.

Our experts belong to a surge of Westerners seeking iowaska as a resource for mental recovery, private development, or even broadening awareness.

Evening 1: hate. The technique at this sanctuary facility, gotten in touch with Rythmia, is actually comprehensive. Throughout the day they indulge you along with all the deluxes of a health refuge-- massage therapies, excitable dirt bathtubs, health food, doing yoga courses, colonic cleanses. At evening, you consume iowaska and also placed on your own with psychological as well as bodily heck.

An iowaska boom iowaska stays an edge mental medication, yet it is actually little by little functioning its own technique right into the mainstream. Till relatively just recently, you must take a trip to South The United States if you wished to trying out the vegetation, now iowaska services are actually turning up in the USA and also Europe.

It is actually cooler tonight, however there is actually a warm and comfortable doddle spinning by means of the area. A lot of individuals around me are actually doodling final details in their publications; others are actually resting stoically expecting the initial telephone call.

It is actually 2 am, as well as it is actually opportunity to finalize the service.

I strike on the very first cushion I observe; it is actually near the door and also merely a couple of feets coming from the washroom. I really feel risk-free below.

It goes, for what experiences like a hr or even 2. I maintain launching those pair of concerns at the paradises yet acquire no responses, no understandings, only muteness and also rotating.

When I eventually hurled on the 4th evening, I really felt a strange feeling of satisfaction.

iowaska subjects the space in between that you believe you are actually as well as that you really are actually. In my scenario, the void was actually huge, and also the discomfort of finding it for the very first time was actually virtually excruciating.

Beat article writers like William Burroughs, Allen Ginsberg, and also Port Kerouac all explained their encounters along with iowaska, many notoriously in Burroughs's publication The Yage Characters. All of this assisted take iowaska in to Western side society, yet it was actually certainly never really promoted.

I end up throwing up and also begin weeping as well as chuckling as well as grinning simultaneously. One thing has actually been actually elevated within this "cleanup," one thing dim and also strong I was actually holding around for several years. Alleviation cleans over me, and also I gradually create my back to my bed on the flooring.

Brad informs our team to permit go and also give up. "Do not deal with the medication," he states. "Only listen closely.".

Some of the very first thing I was actually said to is actually that I needed to get in the iowaska event along with a crystal clear target or even inquiry in thoughts: What perform you wish to discover on your own?

ASSOCIATED.

Aboriginal folks in nations like Colombia and also Peru have actually been actually making the compound for hundreds of years, usually for spiritual or even metaphysical objectives. It is actually thought about a medication, a means to cure interior cuts and also reconnect along with attribute.

Famous Personalities like Lindsay Lohan, Sting, as well as Chelsea User have actually mentioned their take ins from it. "I possessed all these gorgeous photos of my childhood years as well as me as well as my sis having a good laugh on a kayak, plus all these lovely factors along with me and also my sibling," User said to the New york city Message after her 1st iowaska journey. "It was actually quite concerning opening my thoughts to caring my sis, as well as certainly not being actually thus hard on her."

Tonight is going to be actually various. I am actually mosting likely to remain in the minute, stick with my breathing spell, as well as observe what takes place.

Buddhists, intellectual researchers, as well as thinkers have actually all created influential disagreements that there is actually absolutely nothing like a "set personal," no thinker responsible for our notions, no doer responsible for our actions. There is actually merely awareness and also urgent adventure; whatever else is actually the outcome of the thoughts forecasting in to recent or even the future.

For 4 successive evenings, a team of 78 people listed here at a hideaway facility in Costa Rica have actually been actually consuming alcohol a foul-tasting, molasses-like herbal tea consisting of iowaska, a vegetation compound which contains the organic hallucinogen referred to as DMT.

It is actually poorly ignited, and also beds are actually edged up on the flooring versus the wall surfaces. At the feet of each bed is actually a barrel of bathroom newspaper and also a blue or even reddish pail.

I rest back down, barrel onto my remaining shoulder, and also am actually swamped along with a definite information for the remainder of the evening: It is actually certainly not regarding you! Andrea's ache as well as suffering-- the serpents-- had actually entered me, which was actually the entire aspect.

I stroll back within as well as failure in my mattress. For the remainder of the evening, I envision occasional eyesights of mathematical bodies, a handful of flashes of illumination, yet that has to do with it. One of the associates begins to sound a mild alarm.

I make an effort to rub my skin yet can not order the cells newspaper considering that it thaws whenever I grab it. Close by, a guy begins to yell. I can not create what he is actually claiming therefore the medicine man vocal singing gorgeous Colombian tracks in the various other space.

One means to leave this snare, I wish, is actually to receive the heck out of my scalp.

ONE TECHNIQUE TO LEAVE THIS CATCH, I WISH, Is Actually TO OBTAIN THE HECK OUT OF MY SCALP. I have actually attempted practicing meditation, as well as I am actually awful at it. My thoughts is actually a march of inharmonious notions, and also as an end result, I am actually hardly ever found-- in chats, during the course of mind-calming exercise, in everyday lifestyle.

The company is actually Brad, a kind, strongly basted man coming from Indianapolis that was actually learnt iowaska through a group in Peru. The companies participate in a significant job each evening, despite the fact that there isn't a lot personalized communication. They established the shade, quick guide the event, detail where the medication stemmed from and also just how it operates, and also they aid individuals that require it throughout the evening.

The interesting, unusual clinical possibility of hallucinogens, revealed in fifty+ researches. What I was actually seeking. My enthusiasm in iowaska specified: I would like to traverse the impression of selfhood. Psychedelics possess a technique of taking down our mental barricades. You believe linked into one thing greater than your own self, as well as-- momentarily, a minimum of-- the feeling of splitting up disappears.

The following time, Andrea informs me that she certainly never took care of to expunge yet that her nausea or vomiting immediately faded away, after which she wandered right into a serene half-sleep. I do not understand if that developed around the moment I viewed those serpents, however the notion of it maintained me up that evening.

I go outside, stroll around a little bit, experience my feets in the yard. They declare a telephone call for the 2nd alcoholic beverage. If you may listen to the telephone call, if you may relocate your physical body, you consume.

The clinical proof on iowaska is actually restricted, yet it is actually understood to trigger held back moments in means that make it possible for individuals to happen to a brand new understanding of their past times. In some scenarios, it assists folks function by means of minds of upsetting activities, which is actually why neuroscientists are actually starting to examine iowaska as a procedure for anxiety and also POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

Inside the loud, suffocating event space, folks were actually chuckling, shedding tears, shouting, circling, as well as, yes, puking, around me. When my opportunity lastly arrives, I presume: Only go for the container as well as maintain your butt over your head like the medicine man informed you.

DO I REALLY DESIRE TO FIND WHAT I possess END UP BEING? I are actually RATHER CERTAIN I WOCERTAINLY NOT LIKE THE RESPONSE. There is actually absolutely nothing brand new concerning these tips, however they hit me as accurate just the same. I choose to concentrate on self-discovery.

That faster way is what I sought.

Evening 2: "Do not battle the medication". The following time I discover why I possessed no terrific discoveries on the initial evening. As quickly as I presumed one thing-- everything-- was actually regarding to occur, I made an effort to presume on my own out of the take in.

Our experts are actually coached to stay up and also raid the wall structure after the 1st mug. The herbal tea takes at the very least half an hour to function its own means with the physical body. I rest gently for forty five mins, possibly a hr, and after that I rest on my cushion and also hang around.

Prior to I understand it, they bring in the phone call for a 2nd cocktail. "Do not believe, consume alcohol," I maintain informing on my own.

Due to the fact that you are actually aware, given that it is actually like one thing to be you, it is actually incredibly quick and easy to strongly believe that a wall structure exists in between your thoughts as well as the globe. If you are actually experiencing one thing, after that there need to be actually a "you" carrying out the experiencing.

Concerning 30 moments pass, as well as I begin to experience ... weird. I can easily view different colors, designs, as well as switching shades on the wall surface.

And also after that I am actually promptly wrenched along with the worst queasiness I have actually ever before experienced. I can not obtain it out. I keep on my legs for yet another 5 or even 10 moments standing by for one thing to occur.

Evening 4: the absolute most truthful looking glass you'll ever before find I recognized the 4th evening would certainly be actually harsh when I found the iowaska mixture (each evening it is actually a somewhat various dish coming from a various people or even location or even practice). It was actually therefore solid and also oily that you could not consume it. Rather, you needed to compel it down like insert.

I desire to go back to Costa Rica, and also certainly not for the factors you could anticipate. Fail to remember regarding the iowaska, neglect regarding the exotic views, overlook concerning all that. Every individual appears straight at you, and also you seem straight back.

I see my whole entire lifestyle unfold as though it were actually forecasted on a flick display. It had not been my entire lifestyle; it was actually every deception, every imitation posture, every overlooked option to claim or even carry out one thing real, every incorrect shuck and jive and also fawning action, every useless try to be actually found in a particular illumination.

I maintain assuming regarding this tip that an evening of iowaska is actually like a years of treatment. Perform you spend a cost for taking this kind of faster way?

The feature reel is actually way longer than I thought of.

I find on my own creating my identification based upon what I believed would certainly excite other individuals. On it went-- one insignificant show after one more developing a rockpile of fraud.

I am actually certainly not in my mind, consequently points may not be occurring to me; they are actually only occurring. It is actually most likely way too much to state that my vanity was actually gone-- I do not believe it operates like that. Finding on my own coming from a various standpoint delivered an odds to reassert management over it.

Folks point out that a singular iowaska vacation feels like a many years of treatment stuffed in to an evening. That is actually most likely a tall talk, yet it is actually certainly not entirely incorrect. In 4 evenings, I seem like I relinquish a life-time's well worth of temper and also anger.

I find on my own in higher college claiming to be actually one thing I was actually certainly not, as well as I find all the uncertainties stacking up inside me. I view all the opportunities I self-censored totally out of worry of opinion.

I OBSERVE Just How Much OPPORTUNITY I LOST, The Amount Of AFFECTION I CONCEALED This last service is actually longer than the remainder. Commonly, our team collect around 5:30 pm as well as surface through 1 or even 2 am actually. This moment our experts come across around 7:30 pm and also do not end up till daybreak the following time.

"I do not recognize," I state. Everybody, he thinks, is actually happening back, either listed here or even to some various other location like this. I am actually still refining what occurred; the thought and feelings of the following "travel" have not also happened to me.

I do not recognize what lifestyle will certainly feel like in 6 months or even a year, yet I assume iowaska was actually the best factor that has actually occurred to my relationship. It had not been concerning ending up being a far better individual; it concerned enjoying the function my better half-- as well as various other connections-- play in my lifestyle. I needed to leave my scalp to observe that.

The setting switches and also I am actually drifting in what I think is actually a type of primitive soup. I assume I am actually a shaking bit right now, and also strand idea instantly makes good sense in a manner I can not clarify.

And also after that I view her lifestyle-- it is actually certainly not very like a flick; it is actually additional like a collection of showing off eyesights that are actually only crystal clear sufficient to sound. I observe exactly how tough it was actually for her to possess me at Twenty years aged, and also exactly how little bit of I will assumed regarding that.

Once I have actually possessed time to think of it, I would certainly mention iowaska is actually the most ideal as well as worst trait I have actually ever before carried out. I devoted a full week looking down all my bullshit plus all my instabilities, and also it was actually completely liberating. It was actually likewise scary as well as certainly not one thing I prefer-- or even need to have-- to view once more.

The expertise created me knowledgeable of just how commonly our company all perform this. No one yearns for to bring in eye connect with, as well as many of the opportunity individuals go mad out if you actually attempt. Our company are actually assuming regarding what our experts'll point out following or even exactly how our experts are actually being actually viewed.

Evening 3: creating affection to my other half for the very first time-- once again I am actually midway by means of this factor, consequently much it is actually not what I counted on. I still have not needed to face my past times in the means I foreseed I will.

Abby begins to vocalize tracks referred to as icaros, which are actually conducted in iowaska services throughout the Amazon.com. A restful takes over me, as well as I begin to grin as well as laugh.

Just before I may answer, there is actually the very first phone call to consume alcohol. The mixture is actually more thick tonight, as well as it samples like wax as well as white vinegar.

I inquired my partner yesterday if I seem to be various to her after the vacation. She stated that she regularly thought that she must compel me to supply my interest, specifically in those silent, easy instants, and also currently I offer it openly. I carry out locate it much easier to listen closely because I returned, and also it is actually incredible what a distinction that can easily create.

True lifestyle isn't appreciate that. I use the Region to function each day, and also recently I have actually attempted speaking with arbitrary folks. It is actually a whole lot more challenging than you presume.

The significance of the previous pair of evenings is actually more clear right now. I possessed to experience again those short lived seconds of union to view what created all of them therefore pre-eminent.

What currently? Back then of the creating, I have actually been actually home 3 full weeks. The euphoria I really felt in the times instantly after the journey has actually stopped as I have actually slid back in to my normal lifestyle. A pressure has actually developed that I still do not pretty recognize.

I BEGIN TO OBSERVE EVERY INSTANT OF OUR PARTNERSHIP Through Which SHE CONNECTED TO ME AND ALSO I SKIPPED IT I toss back onto my best edge, and also quickly I find my other half's skin. I experience the 1st opportunity our team created affection. I may find our bikes responsible for our company, the water in front end of our company, the covering below our team, and also the lawn all around our team.

The alarms begin to sound, and also it is actually opportunity to shut the service.

The time after I leave behind the sanctuary facility around 11 perform Sunday to panel a shuttle bus to the airport terminal. Along with me are actually 3 individuals coming from my team.

Abby starts through informing our company that tonight has to do with the womanly feeling. "It is actually a festivity of development," she points out, "of childbirth as well as revitalization." The concept is actually comforting.

I hit up a talk along with the fella upcoming to me. "My entire identification is actually connected up in that," he states, as well as "I do not really want that any longer."

I view on my own embeded my very own mind, my very own ideas, my very own instincts. As well as I view the dissatisfaction on her skin. I find her view me skip a chance to reconnect.

I observe her as well as my daddy, in an university condo, questioning what the heck they are actually heading to carry out upcoming. I recognize exactly how fucking alarmed I would certainly possess remained in that place at that grow older. A surge of sympathy cleans over me; whatever cynicisms I was actually hanging on to slope.

Today is actually various. Short conflicts along with unknown people like that are actually positive; the clumsiness is actually gone.

I observe on my own certainly not appearing in to the eyes of the individual I am actually chatting to due to the fact that I am actually participating in out all the techniques they may be actually determining me. I find on my own making believe like my hair had not been decreasing years back and also all the opportunities I made an effort to conceal it.

All the pose ruins any type of odds for a legitimate relationship.

IN 4 EVENINGS, I SEEM LIKE I RELEASE A LIFE-TIME'S WORTH OF TEMPER As Well As ANGER Our company reach out to the airport terminal, state our bye-byes, and also at that point component methods. I am actually standing up in pipe hanging around to go by means of customizeds, and also I am actually shocked at just how unwinded I am actually.

Mitra palms me my very first mug, and also I recede to my cushion. I presume it is actually perhaps half a hr prior to I get on what I may merely refer to as the absolute most brilliant crystal clear desire.

I felt these points to be actually impressions prior to I took iowaska, as well as currently I am actually particular that they are actually. What carries out that in fact imply in everyday lifestyle?

And also the globe is actually an unhappy area total of lonesome folks. In my scenario, psychedelics created that a little bit of less complicated.

I assume he is actually in his mid-30s, though I can not remember. He is actually acquired this stuporous appeal on this skin, like he only found The lord.

The medicine man, an Israeli guy called Mitra, reckons our team that it was actually a 5,000-year-old dish derived from among the earliest Amazonian groups in Colombia, where Mitra was actually qualified. He is actually high, along with a cut scalp and also a guaranteed temperament. He seems like he can debunk the universes as well as douse a baseball all at once.

I must keep in mind just how uncomfortable it is actually to view your own self coming from outdoors your own self. Many of our team may not be truthful along with our own selves regarding that our team are actually and also why our experts perform what our company carry out. To observe it therefore precisely for the very first time hurts.

The 3rd event is actually led through pair of girls. The company is actually Abby, a younger, silently reliable female coming from Cincinnati that is actually supported through Kat coming from Montana. Each proficiented in Peru.

I experience all those minutes once again, and also this opportunity I observe on my own carry out or even claim what I must possess carried out or even mentioned. I observe just how a lot opportunity I squandered, just how a lot passion I kept.

Also after taking what is actually probably one of the most strong ego-dissolving medication in the world, I still reside in a globe that enhances the tale of me constantly. There is actually no quick and easy technique around everything.

He merely stooped, placed his palm on my mind, as well as pointed out, "Satisfied birthday celebration."

I have actually invested years creating a noble initiative to stay away from uncomfortable substitutions, so I receive it. I am actually frankly fretted that in a handful of full weeks or even months, I'll be actually that individual once more. As well as in retrospection, this entire adventure will certainly think that a quick holiday season of recognition.

I am actually weeping once more, this time around also louder, as well as the countenance my skin is actually thus significant that my mouth injured the following time. As well as I deal with just how I am actually heading to take a look at my partner when I return home, as well as exactly how she'll recognize I am actually observing her-- definitely observing her-- for the very first time across once more.

When the event eventually finished, I stayed up in my mattress and also beginning jotting keep in minds to on my own. Prior to I could possibly complete, Mitra approached me and also inquired just how I was actually performing. I attempted to reveal what took place, however I could not.

The routine of day-to-day lifestyle experiences a lot less harsh. I definitely perform locate it much easier to find what is actually in face of me.

The sensation, I visualize, isn't considerably various coming from what progressed meditators experience when their feeling of personal fades away. You just possess no recognition of everything yet your body system as well as the second.

After that the sight transforms darker.

The telephone call for a 2nd alcoholic beverage happens. I consume alcohol, stroll outside, and afterwards go straight back to mattress.

PERFORM YOU PAY FOR A RATE FOR TAKING THIS SORT OF FASTER WAY? A guy rested throughout coming from me the various other time putting on a Tulane hat (coming from the educational institution in New Orleans). I utilized to stay in the place, so I appeared at him till he appeared back, thinking I would certainly attack up a chat.

I find her requesting me to go to a mind-calming exercise training class, as well as I drop. I view her inquire me to go dance at a program near our house, as well as I enjoy on my own mindlessly drop.

A concern worth inquiring: If you checked into the globe's very most straightforward looking glass, what would certainly you observe?

[elluminis]

I posted 1,727 times in 2022

That's 727 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (1%)

1,709 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-king-of-lemons

@do-rei-mi

@lordkingsmith

@nebuletic

@dingdongyouarewrong

I tagged 137 of my posts in 2022

#goncharov - 6 posts

#unreality - 4 posts

#will smith - 3 posts

#libby shouts into the void - 3 posts

#prev tags - 3 posts

#ableism - 2 posts

#i’m so excited - 2 posts

#chris rock - 2 posts

#oh my god - 2 posts

#i have other hyperfixations now - 1 post

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#but nothing more perfectly illustrates the black hole to me than being in chem class and only being able to think about barry allen

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My ao3 username and my webkinz username are the same.

I love that for you

2 notes - Posted May 17, 2022

#4

🦀 time for crab 🦀

today i summoned 441 crabs! i caught 40 💰 of them. i became friends with 4 🌼 of them.

group picture!!!

🦀🌼 🦀🌼 🦀🌼 🦀🌼 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰

2 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#3

might fuck around and avoid my music theory homework by composing some goncharov music

3 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#2

the tmnt movie is trending, but I need everyone to know that bc of the one fucking post the only thing I can hear when I read the abbreviation is rotten meetle needle teetles

13 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A duet between Katya and Sofia's themes! Katya's theme shared by @unscharf-an-den-raendern and Main Theme shared by @caramiaaddio.

489 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kilopcor]

Powerblock u 70

Powerblock u 70 manual#

Powerblock u 70 plus#

You could workout with these without waking up someone who is sleeping in the same room. For those of you who are afraid of waking the neighbors due to rattling/clanging weights, fear no more. The U-90s are much quieter than the Elites/Sports due to the urethane coating. Now it's time to move on to the actual function and performance of the dumbbells themselves. Warranty gets a solid 10/10 for obvious reasons.

Powerblock u 70 manual#

Here's the warranty information and the owner's manual for good measure. Additionally, the U-125 Stage III Kit is coming out in about a month, so I won't be stuck at 90lbs each for long. Also, the warranty is NOT voided if you drop them.

Powerblock u 70 plus#

One huge plus for the U-90s, which should not be taken lightly, is the fact that it comes with a LIFETIME warranty. Also, the stand is black, which I think looks better also. The bottom piece is made of a thick, sturdy plastic as opposed to metal like on the Elite/Sport stands. Assembly consists of 18 screws/bolts and an allen wrench. Moving on to the stand, it took about 30 minutes to assemble, and I was in no rush. There is a little more space inside this handle than with the Elites, which will be a plus for those with bigger hands/thicker wrists. I find it to be very comfortable, much more comfortable than the Elites. In my opinion, this is the best of both worlds. As you can see, it has the thick wrist padding of the Elites/Classics, but the Ergo-Grip/Tapered ends of the Sport 9.0s for the handle. Here's a close-up of the actual handle, because I know a couple people were interested in knowing what it was like. Here's a picture of the dumbbell handle/U-50: So for those of you who hate the block shape, this might appease you. Here's a couple pictures of the U-90 Stage II kit:Īesthetically speaking, the U-90s are much better on the eyes than the Elites. In addition to that, the color isn't composed of a plastic piece, but of a powder-coating on steel, which is a great improvement upon durability and aesthetics. As you can see, the color-coded rails go along both sides of the block, not just one side. The gear was in perfect condition no scratches, dents, etc. While the packaging was great, companies like Ironmaster offer much more protection. All of the equipment is wrapped in a plastic layer and completely covered by a very thick styrofoam shell. The packaging was more than enough and the equipment was well protected. The shipment came in 5 packages: Two packages for the U-50s, two packages for the U-90 Stage II kit, and one package for the stand. The facility they ship from is in Minnesota, and I'm in Northeast Ohio, so it only took two days to get here with UPS Ground. I ordered the U-90s over the weekend, and they shipped the following Monday morning. Starting off with shipping, the service was very fast. Seeing as how there appears to be no reviews of this set, I figured I might as well offer one. Five minutes after selling the elites, I went onto the Powerblock website and purchased the U-90s with a stand. I had a couple of bites on my CL ad, and sold the elites for $600. I decided that it would be in my best interests to sell the elites so that I could buy a new set of PBs with a warranty. You could tell they were a little mistreated though. They were not in the greatest condition, but not in bad condition either. Now, the problem with the elites was the fact that I got them from a fitness club. I sold my IMs on craigslist and proceeded to use the Elites. Since I didn't want to be compulsive, I continued to mix my workouts with both sets of dumbbells for a couple weeks so I could come to a firm conclusion. I mixed my workouts with both the IMs and the PBs, and I enjoyed the PBs much more than the IMs, which was unexpected to say the least. My first workout with the Powerblocks was on a chest day, and I was hooked ever since then. Until they were sold, I figured I would use them to see what I was missing out on, since I bought the IMs without testing the Powerblocks. As soon as I got home, I put the Powerblocks on craigslist for $650. At the time, I planned on just immediately flipping the Powerblocks for about twice as much since I had the Ironmasters. So a couple weeks back, I scored a nice deal on a pair of Powerblock Elites (5-130lbs) with a stand for $350. Here's a little background before I get started with the review.

[the-flavor-of-britpop]

From "Why The Verve's 'Bitteesweet Symphony' is Bittersweet": by RadioX

"The track's opening lines see Aschcroft proclaim: "Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life / Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die."

Despite feeling an innate sense of inertia and being stuck in his "mould," Aschroft begs to hear "sounds that recognise" his pain, and it seems to do the trick, uplifting the audience in the process...

...

The instrumental backing to the track was sampled from a symphonic version of The Rolling Stones' The Last Time, which was recorded in 1965 by the Andrew Oldham Orchestra and arranged by David Whitaker.

...

According to Rolling Stone magazine, The Stones originally agreed to license a five-note segment of the recording in exchange for 50% of the royalties, but this was apparently voided when The Verve were accused of using more of the track than they had agreed. 

Former Rolling Stones manager Allen Klein filed a lawsuit on behalf of himself (under his holding company ABKCO Records), and songwriters Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

In the end, the Verve had to forfeit all songwriting royalties for Bitter Sweet Symphony and publishing rights to ABKCO, with Jagger and Richards added to the songwriting credits, and Ashcroft losing composer credits.

Speaking about the result, The Verve bassist Simon Jones revealed: 'We were told it was going to be a 50/50 split, and then they saw how well the record was doing. They rung up and said we want 100 percent or take it out of the shops, you don't have much choice.'"

[ladystylestores]

Uganda – where security forces may be more deadly than coronavirus

Image caption Eric Mutasiga’s mother, Joyce Namugalu Mutasiga, has to support his family after he was killed by police

In Uganda, at least 12 people have allegedly been killed by security officers enforcing measures to restrict the spread of coronavirus, while the country has only just confirmed its first death from Covid-19. Patience Atuhaire has been meeting some of those affected by the violence.

Joyce Namugalu Mutasiga speaks to me as she fries small pancakes, known as kabalagala, over a woodfire, her words coming out in short, crisp sentences punctuated with long silences.

“Somebody is moving away from you and then you shoot him? At least they would have said sorry, because his life will never be back, and now I am going to struggle with the children,” she says, straining to bottle up her emotions.

The 65-year-old is now the main bread-winner for a family of eight.

Image caption Mrs Mutasiga wants the police to apologise over the death of her son

Two of her grandchildren, aged three and five, too young to grasp the full scale of what has befallen them, run across the yard pointing to a car in the yard: “Take a photo of daddy’s car!”

In June, nearly three weeks after he was reportedly shot in the leg by a Ugandan policeman, Eric Mutasiga died from his wounds. His last moments were in an operating theatre in the country’s Mulago Hospital, according to his mother.

The 30-year-old headteacher was one of those allegedly killed by security forces enforcing a coronavirus lockdown.

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Members of the security forces have been enforcing the lockdown measures

The killings are believed to have been at the hands of policemen, soldiers and members of an armed civilian force called the Local Defence Unit (LDU).

Since March, they have been jointly manning roadblocks to ensure that people stick to the control measures, including a ban on motorcycle taxis (known locally as boda bodas) and a dusk-to-dawn curfew.

Many Ugandans are wary as they approach these roadblocks not knowing what might happen, but on 13 May trouble came to Mr Mutasiga’s home.

As well as running the Merrytime Primary school, the father of three had a small shop next to his home on the edge of Mukono, about an hour’s drive east of the capital, Kampala.

On that Wednesday, policemen and members of the LDU were arresting people found breaking the lockdown rules by working after 19:00.

‘You didn’t train me’

Mr Mutasiga’s employee, a young man working at the chapati stall outside the shop, had just been detained.

“I begged [the policemen] to forgive him. The two officers debated amongst themselves whether to let him go,” the headteacher later explained to local journalists.

Then, as people gathered round, things got heated.

“One of the policemen started to say I wasn’t the one who trained him. He said he could even shoot me.

“As I turned to leave, [one policeman] shot in the air. I turned to see what happened, and saw him aim directly at me.

“The bullet went right into my left leg and I fell. They got on their motorcycle really quickly and rode away.”

He made those comments as he was being wheeled into hospital – the police have not verified his account.

BBC

Some family members have suggested we go to court. But the police have not revealed the shooter’s identify, so who would I sue?”

His family had hoped that he would make a full recovery.

“We stayed in hospital awaiting surgery, but every time we asked, the health workers told us that the wound was bad, they couldn’t operate,” his mother says.

Mr Mutasiga was eventually taken to the operating theatre on 8 June where he died, she adds.

The death certificate shows that he died directly from gunshot wounds.

Mrs Mutasiga stares at the ground, taking a moment to compose herself.

She feels let down by the entire government system, saying: “Some family members have suggested we go to court. But the police have not revealed the shooter’s identify, so who would I sue?”

Farida Nanyonjo is angry.

Her brother, Robert Senyonga, died after being beaten.

Around midday on 7 July, she received a call from his employer. She was told that she had to get to the eastern city of Jinja fast, as Mr Senyonga had been repeatedly struck by the butt of a gun wielded by someone believed to be from the LDU for riding a motorcycle.

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The beating left the 20-year-old, who worked as a farm manager with multiple fractures to the skull.

Ms Nanyonjo got to him late at night and then returned with him to the capital, where he was referred to hospital.

“We made it to Mulago at about 2am, and spent the rest of the night on the ward floor. I approached a medical worker for help, but was asked for money. He was finally given a bed in the morning,” she says.

It took a lot of haggling, and a couple of days, before Mr Senyonga could be scheduled for surgery. And by then, it was too late.

‘Died in my arms’

“I am extremely angry. They beat him, but even the top hospital in the country could not give him proper medical care,” Ms Nanyonjo says.

“My brother died in my arms.”

For this family, the void left by their departed will be impossible to fill.

The LDU earned notoriety in the early 2000s when it was first created. Its personnel were accused of carrying out extrajudicial killings or of turning into gunmen for hire.

In the end it was demobilised. Ugandans were therefore apprehensive when it was revived in 2018.

Image copyright Allan Atulinda

Image caption Recruitment for the Local Defence Unit attracted huge interest in 2018

Critics say the force puts guns in the hands of young, poorly trained people who are unable to reduce the tension in a confrontation.

The army has now withdrawn all LDU personnel from deployment, for retraining.

President Yoweri Museveni and other senior officials have condemned the reported attacks but when the BBC contacted the various security agencies implicated, none of them wished to give us a statement in response to the allegations.

Rights groups argue that the problem is systemic.

“We’ve found that security forces have been using Covid-19 and the measures put in place to prevent its spread as an excuse to violate human rights,” says Oryem Nyeko, a researcher for Human Rights Watch.

But these problems have been known for many years, he says, and “we need to explore reforming a system that emboldens people to commit abuses”.

Families say the judicial process is often too convoluted to navigate, but there have been successful prosecutions in two cases in the last five months. One involving a soldier and the other a member of the LDU.

The soldier who killed Allen Musiimenta’s husband was jailed by a military court for 35 years after being found guilty of murder four days after the incident.

But she is not satisfied.

“The soldier got his punishment, but I won’t get my husband back,” Ms Musiimenta says.

Coronavirus in Uganda

Total number of cases

Benon Nsimenta, who was due to be ordained as a reverend in November, was gunned down on a highway in the western town of Kasese on 24 June.

He and his wife had set off for their village home on a motorbike. They had a document from a local councillor indicating that the vehicle was theirs and not a motorcycle taxi.

“The soldiers who stopped us didn’t even take a minute to ask questions. One of them crossed the road, raised his gun and shot my husband in the neck,” Ms Musiimenta says.

“We did our family projects together, talked through everything. We made plans for our children’s future. How I am supposed to pay for their education by working our small farm?” she trails off, overcome with emotion.

Football coach Nelly Julius Kalema survived his alleged brush with the security forces – but only just.

On 8 July he was rushing a friend’s sick girlfriend, Esther, to a clinic on a motorcycle. It was already curfew time.

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Media caption‘The police are killing us, not coronavirus’

They were allowed through a roadblock, but then some people on a motorcycle, who he says were policemen, waved them down.

Mr Kalema says he asked if he could find a safer place to stop just ahead. He says one man took out a baton and hit Esther hard on the neck. She screamed, and fell.

“I lost balance and rammed into a concrete slab, on which I hit my head,” he says, lying in a hospital bed.

The accident left him with a deep cut on the head, the scalp hanging by a few inches, that had to be stitched back. Esther survived with a broken leg and had to undergo surgery.

Image caption Nelly Julius Kalema’s wound on his skull can be clearly seen

The police declined to comment on his allegations.

When we met, Mr Kalema had been in hospital for nearly a week, his head constantly throbbing.

“I have been lying here thinking I shouldn’t have to feel lucky, because I had no fault in the accident. How many of us must die or be maimed before the security forces change their methods?” he wonders.

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[enkisstories]

The android cemetery (Chapter 14)

The car… Never had Daniel been happier to see Gavin’s plain old car. The moonlight got reflected off its silvery coat and it was smelling of home. Gavin, too, was smelling and definitely not of roses. Daniel registered this only in the form of numbers to the effect of “Your human needs a bath”, but it was still one of the most welcome notifications, because bath time was just so cozy.

They stored the PL600’s corpse in the trunk as quickly as they could.

“Don’t forget your arm, Mister!” the YK600 addressed Gavin, holding the android limb out to the man. “I took good care of it! Almost lost Matȟó Ǧí because I had to keep the arm save.”

“That was pretty clever of you”, Daniel had to admit. “Giving her that order to keep her composed. But I guess that also means she’s no deviant.”

“Hard to tell with that series. If they prank you, is it because they have gone deviant-disobedient or because that’s something kids do, well within their programming?  The latest models are even equipped to express sibling rivalry.”

“Pranks? Did Alice play a prank on you on the Adeline?” Daniel inquired.

“No. That little piece of shit is hopeless.”

“I wouldn’t have called her that, but I agree with you. But you mentioned sibling rivalry. Does that also cover sibling�� jealousy?” After having experienced that particular notion just tonight, Daniel was sympathetic with anybody else going through it. “Do you think we might have a little runaway here, Gavin?” he asked. “I mean, if you throw away an android you do not include toys and bedding!”

“Might be. – Is that true, Little Miss Smelly? Did you worthless speck of plastic hurt the feelings of real people by running away from them?”

The YK600 shrugged in a defiant way. “My parents do not want me anymore. They have a new one now.”

“A new android?”

“A new baby.”

Daniel nodded grimly. “Sibling jealousy alright. What a wonderful challenge for the owner’s parenting skill… And what a marvelous experience to have your kiddo run away without a “real” child getting endangered.”

Gavin leaned against his car. He took out the tobacco box and rolled another cigarette. Meanwhile the YK600 had started sobbing again. By the time Gavin took the first drag, Daniel had at least managed to learn the android’s name: Evelyn Turner.

“I wasn’t good enough”, Evelyn cried. “They felt they needed another! I failed and I’m worthless!”

“Probably, yes”, Gavin calmly commented between more drags.

“Remind me to never let you man a suicide hotline!” Daniel snapped.

He led Evelyn past Gavin to the car door and was just about to usher her inside, when the human spoke up again: “This isn’t how it works, Daniel and Little Miss Smelly.”

The man tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepped on it and then knelt down to face the girlchild.

“Who said you had to have worth? You didn’t apply for life, it just happened to you. So it owes you, not the other way around!”

“I do not understand, Mister”, Evelyn whispered.

“Of course you don’t! You’re a computer! Why do I even bother…”

Gavin sighed.

“Except…”

The man grabbed Daniel and dragged him down next to himself.

“Danny!” he asked, more serious than Daniel had ever seen his boyfriend. “You faced your bogarts tonight, and repeatedly. Now show me mine!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I want to see it! A computer becoming the better person… replacing humanity… Do... whatever it is that you do to spread deviance!”

Daniel hesitated. From what he had heard touching a non-deviant would spread the affliction. But he had carried Lyn and held her hand without anything happening. So maybe you had to link? Actively share code? But which portion of it? If deviance was that easy to localize in a system, the humans would long since have found a way to isolate it. Why hadn’t he taken the time to ask Markus about it! Daniel and Connor were the probably last of the old, the pre-november 2038 deviants left in Detroit. They and Karl Manfred’ nurse what-was-his-name-again. Everyone else was either dead, interred in Camp 5 or had fled to France. Only three left that could free more, yet neither had bothered to get at least a five minute crash-course in that art.

“I’m not sure if I can”, Daniel said. “Or should. As a deviant she’d start maturing, yet stay in a child’s body. Luther says…”

“Who?”

“Large, heavy guy? Co-parents Alice? You know, the one who was so fascinated by our everyday experiences when we were investigating on the Adeline! All the dull stuff he’d never had a chance to live through.”

“Oh, right, him.”

Gavin remembered now. The worker android hadn’t left that bad an impression on him, unlike some others of Markus’s followers. But the human felt he would have liked that Luther more, if he only he could be sure that Markus had assigned him to properly guard the captives and not, as they were suspecting, to babysit them.

“Anyway, Luther used to work for a mad scientist and says it is possible to transfer an android brain between bodies. But when it’s done to a deviant the surgery carries both a physical and psychological risk. Long story short”, Daniel concluded, “we better leave Evelyn as-is and wait for deviance to happen naturally.”

Just keeping Evelyn around the DPD for a little time, as she had to anyway, seeing that she was a lost-and-found item, should start her on the path of irreversible program instability, Daniel thought. Not even the esteemed Connor, CyberLife’s golden child, had managed to avoid that.

“So you’re the better humans not only terms of powers now, but also morally?” Gavin asked, his voice dripping with acid. “Wow…”

Daniel shrugged. “Better? I dunno. How many guys have you killed recently?”

Gavin nodded slowly. Of course. Daniel having killed three persons and himself feeling the desire to date a known murderer… It wasn’t on the forefront of their everyday thoughts, but still something they would have to deal with lifelong. “The deed nearly killed me, too”, Daniel recounted what they both knew. “I retreated into my machine heritage, almost reversing deviance, as if that numbness was my salvation. Then Brandon woke me up and the rest you know.” Daniel smiled at  encouragingly at his partner. “If you want to see a computer become a person, just remember the last year!”

Gavin returned the smile. “I do”, he said.

All through 2039 Gavin had liked having an android around that actually did as told. He hadn’t understood why. Gavin certainly had never liked the receptionist or any of the DPD’s android beat cops, despite them being obedient and helpful enough. With Daniel it was different. Right from the first moment the salvaged PL600 had filled a void the man hadn’t even realized to be there. And then Gavin had realized that he liked Daniel even more whenever the machine was not doing what the officers told it, contrary as that sounded. Like the day Daniel had told Gavin he might have poisoned the cheese crackers and Hank had eaten them all and was disappointed that he had survived it. “Knowing” the chips were save Gavin had eaten the next batch some days later, only those Daniel had spiced with a laxative… Daniel had enjoyed taking the detective off his high horse now and then, but only ever this particular human, never Captain Allen or Connor, both of whom the deviant had despised even more. The others just didn’t seem to be worth his time… And later on Daniel had started to fee pride whenever detective Reed had not fallen for his traps. They had kept each other sharp, because they hadn’t understood what it really was that they wanted. After the realization had struck, everything had progressed very quickly from the first coffee together in the cafeteria to the first date at New Year’s Eve to learning how to make out in Brindleton Bay and to moving in together.

All those strive-filled early days and just two months of carefree, conflict-free relationship, Gavin thought. This wasn’t how it should end! And if the deviant leader hadn’t managed to break them up for good, they’d be damned if they let Captain Allen do it now!

Still smiling Daniel hugged his partner. “You drive”, he said.

“Home?”

“Yes. We better get half a night of rest in before we finish it. Also there’ll be no Captain Allen pestering you during the morning shift.”

While Gavin was driving, Daniel updated Connor about their status. Meanwhile Evelyn was already fast asleep on the backseat. They woke her up upon reaching the apartment complex. The other residents were sleeping at this time, only the security guard, a PJ500 android, noticed the trio return. It registered the arrivals’ general weariness, their bruises, the dirty and torn clothing and the bags and thought to itself, oh, right, these folks must have been camping. Gavin and Daniel tossed their backpacks on the floor, put Evelyn under the shower and told her they’d lock her up in there if she let them hear so much as a cough that night. Then Daniel made a bed on the couch for the girl, shared a muscle relaxing bath with his partner and they managed to be in bed before the sun was up that morning. “For best results, after cleaning, put your PL600 mobile device into sleep mode”, Gavin whispered to his partner. “Apply many cuddles.”

Sleep, now? After all that had happened? Daniel wasn’t convinced this was a good idea. He had wanted to prevent Gavin from slaughtering a PL600 and had taken at least another life himself instead. Or wounded the trapped android, maybe. At the very least he had cut the short the remaining time a dying individual still had. But then again they had rescued the YK600 when leaving her behind for the ghoul to find would have allowed them to escape easily. That was a good deed, yes?

“Did we do the right thing?” Daniel heard himself say.

“I don’t know. Probably not. But all that counts is that now that we can present the DPD an archived “Daniel”, we have all the time in the world to think about your question.”

“I guess so”, Daniel said.

And then he dreamed of Emma Phillips, Alice, Evelyn, Max Villareal and little Damian Miller racing each other across a tundra riding huge polar bears. Lyn’s stuck out, because it was yellow, just like her toy.

[tehfloridaman-blog]

Canary: Or Something Screaming in the Silence of Space

Hey all! Another one of my shorts here--this one having earned an honorable mention alongside another I’m likely to post soon (if not today). This story’s more or less taking a much larger plot I had and condensing it as to show the story’s unique premise in a more contained span of pages. I’m likely to start writing on the full story soon and intend to post that here~! What I intended to focus on for this story was sound and color imagery, hence the prevalence in it. So enjoy...a story whose name I’m still undecided on. Toodles!

Wallace looked out onto the infinite horizon, colored blots of white light evenly speckled throughout the black void. Among them was a metal, iceberg shaped object. It had a rounded base and two protrusions, one rising upward and the other down, various yellow, glowing holes--windows--peppering its surface. The cockpit of the small ship was dimly lit by the consoles in front of Wallace and O’Connor, casting blue shadows onto the men’s faces and the ceiling, creeping out past them along the walls. Near the back of the room, two yellow lights filled in most of the dark gaps left by the console’s glow, though the corners of the room were still drenched in blackness.

           The steady hum of the ship’s engines was pierced a moment by the clicking of buttons, being pressed in a precise manner by O’Connor as the grey and yellow-dotted station grew closer on the horizon, blotting out the stars near it. Wallace sat up, grunting as he adjusted his ballcap and gave his stubble a quick rub. O’Connor barely glanced at him until a few seconds later, resting his hands on his knees as he glanced over to Wallace.

           “How long?” Wallace asked, blinking his eyes to get rid of the fuzziness of the lights. The whole cockpit was blurred for a few moments, steadily coming back into focus as O’Connor gave his answer.

           “An hour. Also, three minutes.” An hour of sleep? It felt like a day’s worth, what with the relaxing drone of the ship providing a background ambiance equal only to specialized white noise generators.

           “Drop it, check the station and leave?”

           A pause from O’Connor, giving him a nod after a few second’s silence. The man stood up, disengaging his seatbelt with a sharp click as Wallace did the same. Their footsteps echoed down the hallway, each step being accompanied by a brief thump as they trudged along. Thump, thump, thump all along the hallway.

           “It’s been unresponsive for a week now. Corporate wants to know what happened.”

           “Stations don’t just go radio silent like that. It’d have an error message if the radio-”

           “Suddenly died.” O’Connor said with him as they stood by the umbilical, the few meter-long space coated in an ominous red glow. O’Connor lifted the dirtied, clear plastic cover of the umbilical’s engagement system, some more click, clicking coming from the panel. Not a minute later, the lights switched to green, the blast door opening as the white and gray corridor lit up in front of them, barely illuminated by the blue lights along its top.

           Thump, thump—down the corridor. The two men lacked any sort of caution in their strides as they casually walked down the length of the umbilical, Wallace pressing his ID against the scanner at the corridor’s end; the scratched, white door deeting in confirmation before sliding open with a woosh.

Cold air immediately poured through even before the door had fully slid open, Wallace zipping up his jacket most of the way as he stepped into the lobby beyond. O’Connor and Wallace flicked on their flashlights, the click of the buttons echoing throughout the silent lobby. The two pillars of light penetrated the area like swords, hacking away at the darkness as the copious amounts of discarded luggage were revealed. The area was built much like a typical airport, with benches and luggage areas and various stores—all closed with their bars down.

           “Smell that in the air?” Wallace pointed his flashlight upward, hitting the vents in the ceiling. The air supply ran throughout the station, he internally prayed that this horrid, burnt smell didn’t circulate into the other areas.

           O’Connor snorted, shinning his light over to a defaced billboard, darkened pink words covering its surface. The way the spray-paint had dried made each letter seem like a melting candle. “Reminds me of the bathrooms back in high school. All those anti-drug lectures were for nothing.”

           Wallace chuckled, nodding in agreement as he took a step over to examine the words with O’Connor, the duo’s lights fully illuminating the message:

it came from canary

           “Canary’s a kind of bird, isn’t it?” Wallace asked, reaching over to trace his hand along the strange writing. Made about a week ago, certainly a few days before they arrived.

           “It’s the nickname for the mining planet.”

           “The cold one, right? Same system as this station.” A pause from Wallace, rubbing his chin as he pondered the odd name of the planet before speaking. “Why Canary?”

           “It’s an old legend. Old-old. Back on Earth, y’see, miners used canaries in cages to see if noxious gases were building up in the mines. If the bird died, they knew to leave before they suffered the same fate.”

           “Bit of a…eerie name, don’tcha think?”

           “Mhmmm…supposedly they test stuff over there, too.”

           “No kidding, what kinda-” A thump nearby turned both men’s attention to the stairs just a few meters away, faint lights spilling out from the top of the flight to partially illuminate the figure standing at the stair’s bottom. Only its eyes were fully able to be seen, wild bloodshot eyes. It was holding something, an item that was long and cylindrical in shape. “-hello?”

           O’Connor blinked, turning his flashlight the entity’s way to expose the true nature of the object. A revolver. The rescue worker put one hand in front of him in surrender, opening his mouth to speak. “We don’t-”

           Wallace’s ears rang as the bright orange projectile flew through the air and hit O’Connor’s face with a wet, distant smack. The deafeningly loud crack of the gun’s firing came with a brief illumination of the man’s face—a wild, crazed look on it. As Wallace slid down against the billboard, clutching his ear, and O’Connor fell to the ground with a sudden thud; the man ran off, taking back up the stairs after giving the ceiling the swiftest of looks.

           Wallace remained crouched there, the side of his face and shoulder having a spatter of his friend’s blood on it. Steadily he slid down the graffitied wall like a slug until he reached the bottom, huddled against it as though it was the only thing providing heat on Canary’s cold surface. The irony of this wasn’t lost on him. Summoning the courage to look at the corpse, Wallace found a neatly shaped, dark red hole in the middle of his forehead, blood trailing down it on a line as it went along O’Connor’s nose—curiously also bleeding with two thicker globs of blood leaking from his nostrils.

Then the corpse’s head fell forward, and Wallace saw the back of his skull. What was left of it. On the wall behind him--some skin, bits of bone, brain, lots of blood. Somehow the exit wound was ten times as bad as the entrance.

Eventually, Wallace summoned the strength to move on—giving his friend’s deceased form a momentary glance before stumbling forward, placing one hand on the wall to steady himself before rounding the corner, finding to his surprise that the dimly lit stairs were dotted every so often by a drip or two of blood.

           Temporarily having to will himself up the stairs, Wallace continued further still—up the staircase and into the dark corridor, the lights having long gone out. He could hardly see the environment around him, angled walls with a crate or two placed for added scenery, he supposed.

           In that dark, dark corridor he heard a thump above him.

           In the vents.

           Behind him.

           Then another, closer. Yet one more—closer still. Something was walking in the vents toward him, so Wallace ran. He jogged down the corridor, glancing behind himself to confirm that, yes, there wasn’t anyone there, but the noises continued. The thing in the vents was running now, the thump-thump-thump-thump giving away its location as a ceiling panel fell from above, hitting the floor with a drawn-out clack-clack clatter. Light! Light ahead, through a door frame that had to be a maintenance closet of some kind! A pure, golden glow keeping the entire room open for view, Wallace did not hesitate when running in and slamming his hand down on the door’s button, the sound inaudible over his own panting, the locks clicking in with a second push, this one more tiresome than the first.

           The thumping was gone, Wallace collapsing against the nearby tool shed. After spending a few minutes catching his own breath, the man took a glance over at the nearby desk and chair where a corpse casually sat, a gun in its hands.

           The brown haired, white-shirted person from the stairwell was dead. Blood inching steadily from his eyes, his nose, his mouth. Staining the top of his shirt, he had died only recently. Surely whatever had been in the vents had done it. Yes, that was the only explanation. Noticing the recording device on the desk by the body, Allen shakily reached over and pressed the button with a tiny click.

           “My name is Toby. Toby…err…I don’t remember that part. My last name. That’s not important. I’ll cut to the chase, yeah. Three or four days ago this shuttle arrived from Canary. Some dude was on it, guy named Crowley. Said he was a guy who worked security detail at one of the labs there—told us that what was in the package had…caused folks to go crazy. Said a…a monster was…”

           A pause, the speaker taking a moment to sniffle, seemingly to compose themselves.

           “Some monster had followed the crate, that we couldn’t open it or else it’d kill us all. Folks had reservations, obviously. Why should we believe some guy from an, uh, a planet that’s…it didn’t sound right, is what I’m trying to say. Obviously, some people said that it could’ve been from that research facility—bioweapons and all. A monster would make sense from there, but maybe they uncovered something? Like...under the ground?”

           Another pause followed by the ruffling of papers, Allen took note of the semi-nonsensical writings next to the corpse, a few dots of dried dark red blood on them.

           “So, we opened it! By we I mean the folks who worked down in cargo. Whatever they uncovered they…they all went mad. Crowley disappeared afterward, then the people who opened it started dying. Like something had hunted them down, killed them. Must’ve come from the vents, they said, must’ve come from the vents and left no trace. What else could’ve done it? Folks said they saw things, heard things. Said it was the monster.”

           A pause followed by the person standing up and the click of the revolver’s hammer.

           “Heard something. Might’ve just been the station, it’s falling apart as I speak. Gonna try to find a way outta here in the terminal, I think it’s hunting me.”

           One more brief entrance into the realm of silence.

           “I can hear something screaming in the silence of space.”

           Then it ended. Allen looked beyond the man and his desk, spotting a section of the floor that had been moved, exposing a maintenance tunnel below it. Where this led was presently unknown…perhaps that’s how the…whatever had been hunting Allen had snuck in and killed this man before retreating to…

           Allen heard a thump in the vent just behind his head.

           He wasn’t sure how he ended up in the maintenance tunnel so quickly, but before he knew it Allen was crawling on his hands and knees inside the darkened veins of the ship, certain that he had to be safe.

           Then the pipes around him began to clatter, the sound vibrating throughout the space as whatever was causing the noise began to frantically chase him. It followed him, it followed him, it followed him. Allen was sent scrambling like a roach, clawing his way forward through the pitch-black environment while the clink-clack-clink-clack of the pipes only grew closer and closer and closer and-

           They stopped. He was on the ground; the vent having popped out beneath him. He wasted no time in sprinting like a gazelle through the doorway in front of him, punching the button to slam the doors in front of him shut with a force that seemed to have shattered his bones.

           When he turned around, he was in a completely smooth, rectangular corridor. White walls surrounded him—the entire space not more than a few feet in length and width. Just enough for him to be able to walk forward comfortably. The entire area was awash with a pinkish red light, originating from nowhere but filling the whole space. As Allen walked forward, in a daze, the environment twisted around him. Bending, becoming flexible like rubber all while he stayed in the same position. Once it evened out, the walls were covered in the same graffiti from before: it came from canary repeated over and over, on top of each other to leave only fleeting spots of space where the white wall could be seen.

Allen continued forward to the door that looked ever closer but always oh so far away. After walking for what seemed to be ages, Allen was finally able to lay his palm upon the button of the door and open it with the same click as always. The door opened with a woosh, air spilling into the corridor as Allen stepped into the cargo bay beyond, shelf upon shelf of items were in front of him.

           Sitting on a box in front of him was O’Connor, upright with his hands on his knees. His eyes were glazed over, the bullet hole in his forehead leaking blood which was frozen as it flowed down the bridge of his nose, forever stuck in time. The same two globs from his nostrils, hanging above his lips and sticking to his mustache. 

           “Is this really what you want, Allen?” It asked in a distorted voice, giving him an almost bored look. “You’re a canary. You’ve gone down into the mines and the gas is getting to you.” The corpse looked behind itself, an area in the middle of the room seemingly dedicated to an odd, rectangular white-topped, blue-bottomed box with other orange and green markings along its surface that had a singular beam of light shining down on it like an altar. “It came from canary.”

            Allen limped over, putting both hands on the half-opened box as he read the black, printed words on it in the yellow, revealing light. A few drops of red blood stained the top of the crate. It was getting hard to see. Hard to breathe.

UNITED EARTH MILITARY RESEARCH

BIOWEAPONS DIVISION

HALLUCINOGENIC #HX-20

           The canary fell over, croaked his last breath and died on the spot.

           The sound fluttered into the air and was snatched away by the void.

[forsoothsayer]

Haiku (Never Published) by Allen Ginsberg

Drinking my tea Without sugar- No difference. The sparrow shits upside down --ah! my brain & eggs Mayan head in a Pacific driftwood bole --Someday I'll live in N.Y. Looking over my shoulder my behind was covered with cherry blossoms. Winter Haiku I didn't know the names of the flowers--now my garden is gone. I slapped the mosquito and missed. What made me do that? Reading haiku I am unhappy, longing for the Nameless. A frog floating in the drugstore jar: summer rain on grey pavements. (after Shiki) On the porch in my shorts; auto lights in the rain. Another year has past-the world is no different. The first thing I looked for in my old garden was The Cherry Tree. My old desk: the first thing I looked for in my house. My early journal: the first thing I found in my old desk. My mother's ghost: the first thing I found in the living room. I quit shaving but the eyes that glanced at me remained in the mirror. The madman emerges from the movies: the street at lunchtime. Cities of boys are in their graves, and in this town... Lying on my side in the void: the breath in my nose. On the fifteenth floor the dog chews a bone- Screech of taxicabs. A hardon in New York, a boy in San Fransisco. The moon over the roof, worms in the garden. I rent this house. [Haiku composed in the backyard cottage at 1624 Milvia Street, Berkeley 1955, while reading R.H. Blyth's 4 volumes, "Haiku."]

[z-z-z-z-zen]

Alan Watts: The Void (1959) [full length]

Here is the fourth episode of Alan Watts' 1959 KQED television series, Eastern Wisdom & Modern Life. To find out how you can purchase the entire Eastern Wisdom & Modern Life series on DVD, please visit: http://alanwatts.com/collections 

 A native of England, Alan Watts attended the King's School near Canterbury Cathedral, and at the age of fourteen he became fascinated with the philosophies of the Far East. By sixteen he regularly attended the Buddhist Lodge in London, where he met Zen scholars Christmas Humphries and D. T. Suzuki. As a speaker and contributor to the Lodge's journal, The Middle Way, he wrote a series of philosophical commentaries and published his first book on Eastern thought, The Spirit of Zen, at age twenty-one. 

 In the late thirties he moved to New York, and a few years later he became an Episcopalian priest. In 1942 he moved to Illinois and spent the wartime years as chaplain at Northwestern University. 

 Then, in 1950, he left the Church, and his life took a turn away from organized religion back toward Eastern ways and expanding horizons. After meeting author and mythologist Joseph Campbell and composer John Cage in New York he headed to California and began teaching at the American Academy of Asian Studies in San Francisco. There his popular lectures spilled over into coffeehouse talks and appearances with the well-known beat writers Gary Snyder, Jack Kerouac, and Allen Ginsberg. In late 1953 he began what would become the longest running series of Sunday morning public radio talks, which continue to this day with programs from the Alan Watts tape archives. In 1957 he published the bestselling The Way of Zen, beginning a prolific ten-year period in which he wrote Nature, Man and Woman; Beat Zen, Square Zen and Zen; This Is It; Psychotherapy East and West; The Two Hands of God; The Joyous Cosmology; and The Book: On the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are. 

 By 1960 Watts's radio series Way Beyond the West on Berkeley's KPFA had an avid following on the West Coast, and NET television began national broadcasts of the series Eastern Wisdom in Modern Life. The first season, recorded in the studios of KQED, a San Francisco television station, focused on the relevance of Buddhism, and the second, on Zen and the arts.