#almost went with oreos and salsa

[yajmae]

❝ ... ice-cream and fries ❞ he answers the stranger without a glance, a pinch of fries dipped in vanilla soft serve poised at his lips. someone had told him it was a good idea, but he's still not sure how he feels about it.

perhaps the celestial entity happening upon him here, secreted away in the gardens, can form her own opinion. chomping down on his fries, azrael then holds out the carton containing the last few, a cup of ice-cream waiting in the other--- a wordless offer to try it herself. perhaps she's not had much experience with the bizarre manner of food humans frequently indulge in here on earth... but that might be a little presumptuous.

@guidingstarmira

[possiblyawesometmblr]

Unus Annus: A Complete Ranked List

well, now that every single video has been released, i’ve compiled them all into a complete ranked list, from best video to worst! this took way longer than it had any right to.  (also, please note this is just my opinion, and in all honesty, this list was really hard because so many of these videos are fantastic. you could tell me that you’d rearrange anything in the 50-250 range and i’d probably agree with you.) 

And if you don’t feel like going through the whole list, here’s Unus Annus ranked by month!

If the video is in: Top 50: 5 points 51 - 100: 4 points 101 - 150: 3 points 151 - 200: 2 points 201 - 250: 1 point 251 - 300: 0 points 300 or below: -1 point (Any ties settled by which month had the highest ranking video overall.)

November: 93 October: 72 December:70 September: 66 February: 66 August: 63 June: 60 January: 59 July: 53 May: 43 March: 37 April: 1

The Truth of Unus Annus (Oct. 31st)

Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN (Jan. 10th)

Phasmophobia in Real Life (Oct. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room (Dec. 6th)

Hunting HeeHoo (Aug. 29th)

DIY Geriatric Simulator (Jan. 18th)

Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video (Nov. 4th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked On Phonics (Jun 6th)

Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral (Dec. 9th)

Cooking with Sex Toys (Nov. 15th)

Mark Reviews the Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom (Dec. 13th)

Helium Therapy (Nov. 29th)

2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition (Nov. 26th)

Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls (Nov. 22nd)

Being Brutally Honest With Each Other (Nov. 3rd)

Would Chica Save Us From Drowning? (Jul. 24th)

Mark and Ethan are Now Fathers (Mar. 22)

Ethan Kidnapped Mark (Oct. 30th)

Mark’s Outdoor Escape Room (Aug. 28th)

The Unus Annus Last Supper (Nov. 2nd)

Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping (Jan. 11th)

The Sensory Overload Tank (Jan. 7th)

Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost (Nov. 25th)

Mark Knows What Ethan Did… (Sep. 22nd)

Pee Sauna (Jun 17th)

We Made Nude Paintings of Each Other (Dec. 14th)

All of Our Video Ideas that Never Happened (Nov. 5th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band (Sep. 4th)

Hiding Our Sins From Amy’s Holy Peepers (Jan. 2nd)

Our Perfect (and last) Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th)

The Barrel - Official Music Video (Mar. 9th)

Edward Pumpkin Hands (Oct. 26th)

This Video Is Completely Unedited (Oct. 17th)

Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim (Jun. 28th)

The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover (Nov. 12th)

Everything’s Legal if You’re Dead (Nov. 10th)

Harnessing Our Dogs’ Unlimited Energy (Dec. 23rd)

2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test (Dec. 31st)

Learning to Breathe Underwater (Jan. 13th)

Playing Children’s Games in Total Darkness (Aug. 17th)

The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest (Oct. 28th)

Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests (Nov. 9th)

We Got Pepper Sprayed (Mar. 10th)

The Cryptid Olympics (Oct. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight (Mar. 8th)

Mark Punishes Ethan (Jan. 27th)

Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible (Sep. 29th)

Drunk College Party Simulator (Feb. 15th)

God’s Fitness Test (Nov. 8th)

3 Big Boys Attempt the King’s Royal Fitness Test (Feb. 18th)

The Beginning of the End (Jul. 26th)

Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime (May 22nd)

Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There’s a Bear 15 Feet Away (Aug. 22nd)

We Forced James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course (Mar. 23rd)

We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator (Mar. 20th)

The Bad Kind of Cupping (Nov. 20th)

Ethan Destroys Mark’s Van with a Bat (Dec. 7th)

Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don’t Watch This Video) (Dec. 29th)

A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night (Aug. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes (Jul 7th)

Building the World’s First IKEA Boat (Jun 27th)

Goat Yoga (Feb. 22nd)

10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn’t Know How To Spend Money Responsibly (Feb. 16th)

Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On (Feb 29th)

Fixing Mark’s Hole with Ramen But Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God (Jan. 14th)

Being Attacked By a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog (Feb. 19th)

Preserving Ourselves in Wax (Dec. 26th)

Santa’s Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog) (Dec. 24th)

The Unus Annus Space Program (Jul 11th)

Ethan Explores Mark’s Haunted Basement (Dec. 17th)

Dummy THICC for Dummies | A Tale of Two Butts | Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond (Jul. 4th)

DIY Bungee Jump (please don’t try this) (Jan. 4th)

Unregulated Axe Throwing (Feb. 7th)

Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger (Sep. 15th)

How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree (Aug. 23rd)

Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna Into a Portable Hell (Mar. 16th)

The End of Unus Annus Is Almost Here… (May 15th)

We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away (Sep. 13th)

We Play The Newlywed Game While Consuming That Which Will Kill the Other (May 23rd)

Building IKEA’s Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 18th)

Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength (Jul. 30th)

Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 8th)

The Candy Bra Challenge (Jul 6th)

We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay (Oct. 13th)

Only UNUS-es/ANNUS-es May Watch This Video (May 28th)

Only Watch From 2:25-6:11 --- DO NOT WATCH ANY OTHER PART OF THIS VIDEO (May 29th)

We Force Mark to Swim in the Ocean (HIS GREATEST FEAR) (Oct. 22nd)

Recreating The Miracle of Childbirth (Mar. 21st)

Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank (Nov. 18th)

Turning Mark into an E-Boy (Feb. 2nd)

The First Annual Unus Annus Roast (Nov. 7th)

Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes (Jun 5th)

The Ultimate Trolley Problem (Feb. 21st)

We Looked at Unus Annus Memes (Apr. 30th)

Exploring the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes (May 16th)

BLACK LIVES MATTER: Resources and How You Can Help In The Description (Jun 2nd)

The Chubby Gummy Challenge (Dec. 4th)

Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest? (Mar. 5th)

Taped and Afraid (Dec. 20th)

We Played Strip Poker (May 20th)

Consuming the World’s Hottest Chip (Sep. 30th)

Mark and Ethan Learn About the Human Body (Jan. 26th)

1 Man 100 Accents (Dec. 1st)

Mark Steals Ethan’s Face (Jan. 15th)

Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death (Feb. 17th)

We Lubed Our Floor for a Sliding Competition (Aug. 3rd)

Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming (Oct. 11th)

The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown (Jun 20th)

We Pierced Each Other’s Ears (Sep. 11th)

Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs (Jun 3rd)

7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell (Nov. 11th)

Two Men in a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies (Jun 26th)

Having an Adventure in VRChat Because We Can’t Go Outside (Mar. 27th)

Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our YouTube Famous Dogs (Jul. 16th)

Mark and Ethan Shave Chica (Aug. 8th)

The Wubble (Aug. 7th)

How to Start a Fire (except don’t…) (Aug. 27th)

Unus Annus (Nov. 15th)

This Is Goodbye (Aug. 5th)

Puberty Simulator (Aug. 13th)

This Video Went Completely Out of Control (Oct. 1st)

This Video Will Never Make Sense (Sep. 23rd)

Blowing Our Souls into Some Hot Glass (Feb. 28th)

We Attempted to Create THICC Water (May 10th)

Brick Soccer (Sep. 19th)

Accepting the Truth (Nov. 1st)

Drinking Real THICC Water...How Bad Does It Taste? (May 19th)

How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock? (Sep. 10th)

Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin (Jan. 8th)

Recreating Childhood Photos (Jun 13th)

Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game (Feb. 10th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet (Aug. 1st)

How to Safely Bury Your Friend (Aug. 25th)

Mark Breaks His Nose on an Aerial Hoop (Oct. 4th)

DIY Bed of Nails: OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T EVER TRY THIS (Jul. 20th)

Pee Soda (Sep. 17th)

We Had to Drink Each Other’s Pee (Dec. 16th)

Creating Mark FISHbach (Jun 21st)

Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare for Our Inevitable Demise (May 11th)

We Made Fanart for Each Other (Jun 11th)

Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot for an Elegant Beast (Jun 25th)

Pressure Washing Our Sins Away (Oct. 21st)

Literally Finding a Needle in a Haystack (Oct. 8th)

We Ate Dog Treats so You Don’t Have To (Sept. 12th)

Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button (Dec. 18th)

2 Idiots Get Crushed By 18-Ft Giant Snakes (Mar. 15th)

We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves (Jan. 20th)

DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080 (May 27th)

Fighting Fish to the Death in the Deep Blue Sea (Oct. 23rd)

DIY Teeth (Jul. 17th)

We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water (Sep. 24th)

We Attempt to Make Holy Water (Sep. 20th)

DIY Cheese (Jan. 29th)

Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature (Feb. 9th)

Literally Eating Fire (Feb. 6th)

2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa (Jan. 17th)

Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More! (Aug. 26th)

The Great Ice Cream Cake Race (Sep. 27th)

The Unus Annus Confessional Booth (May 26th)

Blood Bath (Oct. 27th)

2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out With Soap (Jun. 30th)

Who Can Make Themselves Taller? (Jan. 6th)

Mark and Ethan Share a Drink (Aug. 6th)

2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test  (Sep. 6th)

Bobbing for Literally Anything But Apples (Oct. 16th)

Momiplier Teaches Self Defense (Aug. 15th)

The Human Mop (Jul. 21st)

We Attempt Pottery Without Amy’s Help (Sep. 8th)

Becoming One With the Horse (Jun 19th)

Wikifeet: A Tale of Two Tootsies (Apr. 4th)

We Found Websites That the World Forgot About (Apr. 11th)

1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us (Aug. 20th)

We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine (Sep. 5th)

We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could (Jul. 25th)

We Turned Our Bodies Into Art (Jan. 25th)

You Blink, You Lose (Dec. 30th)

Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream? (Jul. 13th)

Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond (Dec. 3rd)

Ethan Turns Mark Into a Werewolf (Oct. 29th)

Making Soda with Literally Anything But Soda (Sep. 16th)

Dunking Oreos in Literally Anything But Milk (Jul. 15th)

Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything But Normal Flavors (Sep. 7th)

How Many Slaps Does it Take to Cook a Chicken? (Sep. 2nd)

Play Doh Thanksgiving (Nov. 28th)

Hot Dog’d to Death (Nov. 17th)

Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow (Oct. 20th)

Transforming Mark into the Eighth Wonder of the World (Aug. 16th)

Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing (Jul 8th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle (Sep. 28th)

Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics (Sep. 26th)

Who’s Cutting Onions in Here? (Nov. 6th)

How to Escape from a Hostage Situation (Jul. 18th)

Are We Already Dead? (Feb. 13th)

Bored? Press This Button (Apr. 27th)

Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas (Aug. 10th)

This is for FUN and NOT a Fetish (Oct. 10th)

This is What Being Tased Feels Like (Jan. 21st)

Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery (Feb. 20th)

Tearing a Phone Book in Half With Our Huge Manly Hands (May 31st)

Beating Inanimate Objects to Death (Dec. 27th)

Edible Slime was a Mistake. (Feb. 23rd)

We Eat Bugs (Jan. 3rd)

Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box (Sep. 21st)

Hydro Dipping a Baby (Aug. 11th)

The Egg Smashing Game (Jul. 12th)

BEYBLADE NUTBALL (Sep. 14th)

Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other But It’s Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha (Feb. 12th)

Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof. (Jul 1st)

Learning How to Lockpick (FBI Please Don’t Watch) (Jun 22nd)

Mark Needs to Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him (Mar. 14th)

Learning to Use the Force (Sep. 18th)

The Secret Unus Annus No-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake (Apr. 25th)

We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins (Apr. 6th)

Shooting Archery ON A HORSE (Oct. 6th)

Ethan Redefines Male Beauty (Feb. 3rd)

Ethan Roasts Mark for 15 Minutes Straight (Jun 7th)

Playing Cards: The World’s Deadliest Weapon (Aug. 2nd)

Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses (Jun 4th)

Becoming a Master of Mime (Feb. 11th)

This is the Most Dangerous Children’s Toy Ever Made (Jul. 23rd)

A Serious Conversation Under the Stars (Jul. 29th)

Is Mark a Masochist? (May 1st)

Literally Laying On Literal Broken Glass (Feb. 8th)

Bad, Bad Beans (Jan. 23rd)

DIY Wine (May 30th)

2 Men 200 Accents (Apr. 18th)

DIY Boob (May 24th)

Mark and Ethan Go On a Drum Date (Feb. 27th)

10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw On Planet Earth (Jun. 29th)

Ultimate Horseshoes (Jul. 28th)

Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat) (Mar. 13th)

Acupuncture is NOT Painful (Dec. 11th)

What the Hell is a Pink Trombone? (May 2nd)

Donating Toys to Charity w/ Jacksepticeye (Dec. 22nd)

Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise…) (Nov. 27th)

The Great Meat Mistake (Dec. 10th)

DIY Minesweeper (Oct. 7th)

Popping Popcorn with a High Powered Laser (Aug. 12th)

Bobbing for Apples but the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer (Oct. 3rd)

We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React to It (Dec. 5th)

Long Hair, Do We Dare? (Feb. 25th)

Recreating Mark’s Childhood (Jul. 2nd)

Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond) (Feb. 4th)

An Extremely Sour, Not-at-All Sour Meal (Feb. 5th)

Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot (Nov. 16th)

Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 9th)

The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest (Jul. 27th)

Our Fans Try to Scare Us With Their Homemade Creepypasta (Jun 12th)

There’s Something Horribly Wrong With This Picture… (June 8th)

Too Many Pickles (Aug. 21st)

5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard (Jul. 31st)

What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube? (Apr. 10th)

Baby Hands Operation (Nov. 24th)

Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time (Apr. 2nd)

Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among Us? (May 6th)

Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race (Apr. 15th)

We Will Churn Thy Butter (Sep. 25th)

We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins (Jan. 12th)

Drawing on Each Other’s Backs in Total Darkness (Oct. 9th)

Drawing Memes from Memory (Nov. 30th)

We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games (Apr. 5th)

Ultimate YouTuber Boxing Showdown (Mar. 30th)

Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce? (Jul 10th)

How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend (Apr. 13th)

Help Us Break a YouTube World Record (Apr. 17th)

Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea (Oct. 18th)

DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (Aug. 9th)

The Most Dangerous Shave (Jun 23rd)

We Took the Polar Plunge (Jan. 1st)

2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition (Jun 1st)

Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work? (Jul. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat (Oct. 5th)

Pumpkin Spice “Challenge” (Oct. 19th)

Doing Each Other’s Makeup in the Dark (Nov. 23rd)

We’re Better Than Dogs (Aug. 18th)

We Have the Best Bellies on YouTube (May 25th)

The Good Kind of Cupping  (Nov. 19th)

Hacking the Very Fabric of the Universe (Jan. 30th)

Where in the World is Unus Annus? (Apr. 1st)

Mark and Ethan Become United States Citizens (Jun 10th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something (May 4th)

We Took an IQ Test (Jan. 9th)

Mark Teaches Ethan Korean (May 13th)

Lost Omegle Video (Mar. 31st)

Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet (Jun 15th)

Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse (Mar. 28th)

Desperately Trying Not to Touch Our Faces (Mar. 24th)

Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt (Mar. 26th)

Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories (Apr. 21st)

The Scariest True Stories on the Internet (Apr. 12th)

REAL Ghost Hunting At An Abandoned Zoo (March 2nd)

Bleachus Annus (Jul. 14th)

Pumpkin Taste Tier List (Oct. 14th)

Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank (Dec. 12th)

Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus? (Aug. 30th)

Speed Reading 1000+ WPM to Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge (Apr. 9th)

We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded (Mar. 11th)

Mark’s 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless (Apr. 3rd)

Learning to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds (Oct. 15th)

You Breathe You Die (Jan.16th)

Breaking Glasses With Our Screams (Aug. 4th)

The 1000 High-Five Challenge (Oct. 2nd)

Becoming the World’s Greatest DJs (Mar. 4th)

Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner’s Butler for a Day (Aug. 14th)

Forcibly Turning Mark into Santa Claus Against His Will (Dec. 25th)

We Smell Every Smell (Sep. 1st)

We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes (Feb. 26th)

Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast (Mar. 18th)

The Painful World of Aerial Skills (Oct. 12th)

The Koala Challenge: TikTok’s Intimate Couples Trend (Aug. 19th)

Ethan Traps Mark’s Soul in the Palm of His Hand (Jun 24th)

Will We Break the Boards...Or Will They Break Us? (Jun 14th)

DIY Chiropractor (Mar. 7th)

Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage (Aug. 31st)

We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us (Mar. 3rd)

Can Plants Feel Pain? (Sep. 9th)

This is Hiding on Your Body RIGHT NOW. (Jul 9th)

Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death (Jan. 28th)

Like It Or Not...This is What The New Human Looks Like (May 7th)

Looking at Long Lost Memes (Jan. 31st)

We Played Mad Libs and Ran It Through Google Translate (Apr. 7th)

Running Internet Drama Through Google Translate (Apr. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Try to Name a Single State in the USA (Apr. 8th)

Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020 (May 3rd)

Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition (Mar. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Find the Lost City of El Dorado (Apr. 14th)

Using Google Maps to Find the Lost City of Atlantis (Apr. 20th)

We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams (Jan. 24th)

2 Boys 2 Poops (Sep. 3rd)

This is How We’ll Die... (Jan. 19th)

Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition (Mar. 1st)

You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel...But Only One Could Win (Dec. 15th)

Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds? (Jul. 22nd)

Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death (Mar. 6th)

Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity from Benjamin Franklin (Jul 5th)

Ethan’s Relaxing and Totally Normal Nail Salon (Dec. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test (Apr. 22nd)

An AI Generates Our Worst Nightmare (May 5th)

Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views (Jun 16th)

How Big Can a Nuke Get? (May 17th)

Granting Access Into Heaven’s Sweet Gates (Feb. 24th)

We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler (Jul. 3rd)

Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse? (Mar. 29th)

Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend (May 14th)

What is the Most Painful Thing We’ve Ever Endured? (Dec. 21st)

Don’t Go In The Ocean....Ever. (Apr. 28th)

An AI Predicts How We’re Going to Die (Dec. 2nd)

Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End The World As We Know It (May 21st)

The Creepiest Videos on YouTube (Apr. 16th)

What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship? (Mar. 12th)

Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life (Feb. 1st)

What Happens When a YouTube Channel Dies? (Jan. 22nd)

5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death (Mar. 19th)

Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain...Which is Worse? (Dec. 28th)

How Tall Can a Human Get?: An Impartial Review By 2 Average Height Men (May 12th)

Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It? (Apr. 23rd)

Mark and Ethan Hunt the World’s Most Wanted Criminals (Mar. 17th)

The Illuminati...Do They Really Exist? (Apr. 19th)

We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of Our Wildly Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mystery (Apr. 29th)

Two Male Men Judge Female Women On Their Beauty (Apr. 26th)

We Have the BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise (Jan. 5th)

How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 18th)

There’s Still Hope… (Dec. 8th)

Unus Annus ASMR (May 9th)

The Worst Kind of Cupping (Nov. 21st)

[loulougoingsolo]

Little tang in the Bang

I stood in front of a stack of Oreo boxes at the supermarket on Saturday, thinking about whether I should buy some to have at hand during my social distancing period. Eventually, I didn’t. I figured that I’d just end up eating all of them the same day. It’s only been a couple of days of this new normal, and I’ve already noticed that the need for comfort food in my life has increased. If I’d buy all the cookies I crave, catching a virus would quickly be least of my health worries. But I admit, I regretted my decision today, after watching Rhett and Link enjoy all the cookies on GMM’s “Will it Oreo?” episode.

I’m a fan of the Bon Appétit channel’s Gourmet Makes series (I mean, I adore Claire Saffitz), and I remembered watching the episode where Claire made gourmet Oreos.  If I recall, one of the specific requirements she had was that you should be able to split the oreo in half, so that the filling would only stay on one side of the cookie - because, obviously, that IS the right way to eat an Oreo. (I’m not a fan of dipping them in milk, because I don’t like milk, but I acknowledge that some people think THAT is the right way to consume these delightful cookies.)

The first thing I paid attention to with the potential Oreo candidates that Josh made was that they didn’t seem to be as neatly splittable as the originals. I’m not going to let that affect my judgment, but just so you know, I think that is a requirement for a real Oreo - so if any of today’s innovative flavours go into production, I think they should fix this. But on a prototype level, I’m gonna let that slide.

The first Oreo to try today is Bangeo. These pretty, blue cookies have been flavoured with Bang energy drink, and they come in a packaging that could probably fool even the folks at the cookie factory. As someone, who was briefly addicted to (sugarfree) energy drinks, before switching to coffee, I can imagine these would be a huge hit, if they became available for reals. I also can think of quite a few good reasons for banging. Oh, Rhett meant Banging, as in drinking Bang. Ok. Nevermind. Bangeo will Oreo. Let’s just move on.

The next candidate is Nacho Oreo, which is not your typical Oreo, because it’s savoury. Quacamole cookies, pinto beans, cheese and salsa cream - and a hot sauce milk for dipping. I want the recipe. These would make a brilliant party snack! And they’re almost as pretty as the blue ones!

Rhett mentions learning from Shepherd that the ancient Greeks didn’t eat beans because they believed beans contained the souls of dead humans. Because one thing I’ve learned after watching all these GMM episodes is to always fact check everything presented as a fact on this show, I did a little googling of my own. I did find that Pythagoras, and his followers, didn’t eat meat or beans, but this was not a common thing for all ancient Greeks. There are many articles about Pythagoras and his diet online, and apparently there is no consensus of why he didn’t eat beans - a quick search produced all kinds of reasons from flatulence to beans being phallic. Apparently, there is not even concrete evidence of him not eating beans to begin with. But,on GMM, there is a consensus of nachos (with beans and all) making a great Oreo!

Domino’s Oreos are next in line, and since everything pizza flavoured is always good, there was no way Domino’s wouldn’t Oreo. Fun fact: In Finland, we have our own brand of cookies very similar to Oreos, and it’s called Domino. I actually prefer them over Oreos, because they are not quite as sweet, but for some reason, Oreos are much more affordable here. If Oreo ever decides to make Domino’s Oreos a reality, they’ll need to bring them to Finnish market with a different name. A pizza flavoured Oreo needs happen! (But I think a regular Ranch without the milk might be more pleasant to look at.)

I know GMM has really been trying to make ramen noodles happen in all kinds of different Will it..? forms, but right now, I can’t remember, if any of the versions actually have (willed?). The problem with instant ramen is that it’s already a perfect product, and turning it into another perfect product, while maintaining the essence of ramen isn’t easy. I’m sure there is a way to dilute the salt and MSG content to a palatable level, but for some reason, they never do. And I imagine the flavour of monosodiumglutamate can clash with a sugary cookie.

Rhett talking about his college eating habits reminds me of something my brother did recently. There was a campaign for a veggie burger for a euro in the local fast food restaurant, and more than once, my brother went to buy 5 burgers at a time. He didn’t freeze any of them, but ate them all at once. I suggested him to buy a salad with his 5 euros next time. (He’s diet also includes instant ramen and energy drinks.)

But, if you see deer in Burbank in the near future, now you know where they are headed. Josh, please don’t make venison oreos!

Sushi Oreo looks a lot like the strawberry flavoured Domino cookies (I’m sure Oreo also comes in strawberry flavour), and they are actually very pretty to look at. I personally love the taste of seaweed, and I think that turning it into a crunchy cookie sounds like a good idea. In mass production, the raw tuna filling might turn out to be an issue though. Also, soy sauce milk looks a lot like an oil spill - which, I suppose, actually fits the oceanic theme, but at the same time, is not very appetizing.

In More, the guys get to try yet another Oreo creation, an Oreo gummy, with thick milk (they haven’t registered thickmilk.org yet, so I guess that is not going to happen). I love that three men with almost accurate facts and a lot of opinions put together create an almost perfect search engine. Stevie sounded so confused, after the guys got the answers correct.

My favourite moment from More was, however, when everyone else was focused on the human search engine thing, but Link wanted to watch thick milk fall from the glass. I’m pretty sure that is exactly what I would have done if I was there. I’m always distracted by things like that, and forget to follow the conversation.

[stonathans-stranger]

for the au prompts could you possibly do anderperry with 7? thank you!!

you got it!! this is a fake relationship au where the boys of dps (minus Todd) are desperately trying to find Neil a date for his sister’s wedding, which is rounding the corner in two weeks. Coming in with words, here’s “Yes, I’m Falling In Love With Someone, Plain to See”, based off of “I Turned the Corner/I’m Falling in Love With Someone” from Thoroughly Modern Millie.

“Sooo,” Natalia said, plopping down on Neil’s bed. “Are you bringing someone to the wedding?”

“Like…a date?” Neil asked tentatively, typing furiously on his computer. He just had to churn out a few more words for Latin and then he was finished.

“Could be.” Natalia shrugged, grabbing an Oreo from Neil’s stash. “Or just a friend. You know I love when you bring your friends over. They’re so much fun. Plus, Pitts makes a mean salsa.”

“It’s fine.” Neil sighed. “I won’t have to bring them.” Natalia’s face lit up.

“You have a boyfriend?!” She exclaimed.

“What? I-” Neil looked at Natalia with wild eyes. “Ye-yeah! Yeah, I do, Nat.”

“Neil James Perry! And you didn’t tell me? Lunacy!” She cried. “Tell me all about him.”

“Well, he’s really nice, he’s very funny, and he almost gets as good a’ grades as me.” Neil smiled nervously.

“Gosh, I can’t wait to meet him.” Natalia fawned, grabbing another cookie. “Bring him over for dinner sometime.”

“Guys,” Neil said, the next day at lunch. “I did something horrible.”

“What now?” Meeks laughed, unpacking his sandwich from his lunch box.

“I told Nat that my date to her wedding was my boyfriend.”

“You don’t have a boyfriend.” Knox said, confusion passing over his face.

“Exactly.”

“You lied? To Nat?!” Meeks exclaimed, his eyes almost bugging out of his head.

“I knoooow,” Neil groaned. “What am I gonna do?”

Charlie waltzed over to the table, tossing an apple between his hands, and sliding into his seat next to Knox and across from Neil in one smooth motion.

“Good day, gentlemen.” Charlie said, tipping an imaginary hat.

“Charlie! I need your help.” Neil practically shouted.

“What else is new?” Charlie laughed. “Alright, what’s it this time?”

“I told Nat that my date to her wedding is my boyfriend. And I don’t have one. I need someone to I don’t know, fake-date till her wedding, and then fake-break up with afterwards.”

“Sounds like you solved your own problem.” Charlie said, biting into his apple.

“No! Do you have absolutely anyone in mind, anyone at all?” Neil pleaded.

“Maybe one person.”

“Anderson, you’d love him. He’s handsome, he’s intelligent, he plays tennis with me and the boys and he’s damn good, he’s a softie, Anderson, goddamnit, he writes poetry from Chrissake!”

“Poetry?” Todd scoffed. “Don’t you write poetry?”

“Can it, Anderson. Besides, can you imagine it? You both get dressed up in nice suits, have good food, bust it down on the dance floor for a couple hours, then you never have to see this kid again, yeah? Plus fifty bucks.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Not too hard.” Todd hung up the phone.

And he’ll be damned if he wasn’t going to spend a nice evening with this handsome, intelligent, poetry-writing boy Charlie described.

Todd strolled into the tennis courts the next night, just as practice ended.

“Anderson!” Charlie called, waving him over to court two, where a few boys Todd recognized stood with Charlie, and a couple he didn’t. “Hey, Todd. So, you thought about it?”

“Yeah. And I think it’s an alright deal.” Charlie stuck out his hand for Todd to shake, and he happily obliged.

“This,” Charlie pushed a lanky, tall, brunette boy in front of him. His face was sculpted like a Greek god’s. “Is Neil Perry. Your date.”

Knox let out a low whistle.

“Todd, right?” Knox asked. He leaned over to Neil, speaking quietly into his ear, “If you don’t scoop up that fine piece of ass I just might.” He smirked. Todd still heard.

“Sorry, Overstreet.” Todd boldly grabbed Neil’s hand. “I’m a taken man.”

After a few whirlwind days of Neil being stressed and having homework up the wazoo, the two finally found a time to hang out, and set boundaries for the party.

“One kiss.” Todd insisted. “Even if it’s just a peck on the cheek. You want this to be believable?”

“Fine.” Neil huffed, scribbling down ‘kiss on cheek’. “But, you’re required to come to one family dinner. One grilling. Just so they get a feel for you.”

“That’s fine.” They went through the list, and afterwards, Todd drove Neil home, and walked him to the front door. As Neil slid his key in, the front door swung open, revealing Natalia.

“This is the boyfriend!” She squealed.

“This is the sister!” Todd cried with equal enthusiasm. Natalia gathered Todd in a big hug, patting him on the back. Natalia usheredd the two inside, and when Todd’s back was turned, his eyes wandering around the house, Natalia mouthed a sneaky ‘he’s cute!’ to Neil, who smirked, and gave Natalia a knowing look.

“My brother has told me literally nothing about you. It’s ridiculous. So, why don’t you? Now that you’re here, in person.”

“Well,” Todd started. “I run the student newspaper at Charles, I’m a delegate for Model UN, I also take photos for yearbook, and I’m apart of the sound crew for Charles’s theater department.”

“Ah, so you don’t go to Welton.” Natalia stated. “How’d you two meet?”

“Charlie.” They said in unison.

“I mean-” Neil stammered. “Charlie brought him to tennis practice one day! They were doing something after school, and we exchanged numbers, and we’ve just been together ever since.” Neil said, running a hand through his hair nervously.

“Yeah,” Todd agreed, almost too soon. “He came to our choir concert a few week ago, didn’t you, Neil?”

Neil just nodded in agreement.

“I better head out.” Todd said, a few hours later.

“I’ll see you out.” Neil said, walking him to the door. Natalia was curled up on a chair in the dining area, just off the side of the foyer.

Todd gathered a part of Neil’s sweater in his fingers and dragged him forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Todd left in one swift motion, leaving Neil stunned in front of the door, his fingers grazing his lips.

“He’s nice.” Natalia said, leaning against the archway into the dining room, smirking.

“Shut the hell up, Nat.” Neil retorted, making his way upstairs.

Weeks, and many “dates” later, the two had bonded together enough that the Society forgot they weren’t actually a couple.

“How’re things going with Todd? You two seem happy together.” Knox said, serving to Neil, across the court. They talked as they warmed up, hitting easy shots straight up the middle.

“Things are fine.”

“You guys fuck yet?” Knox laughed.

“What? Knox, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“Shit,” Knox said, missing an easy forehand. “You’re not? You two are constantly holding hands and talking and blushing around each other…wait, you’re sure you’re not together?”

“Yes, Knox.”

“Wow.” Knox shrugged. “Maybe you two should consider it.”

“Maybe we should.”

The two stood in front of Neil’s mirror, dressed in matching tuxes, and smiling at each other.

“Hey…I was thinking, maybe, maybe after the wedding we could maybe not break things off?” Todd adjusted his bowtie, and looked over to Neil.

“Sure! We can stay friends.”

“Maybe not friends…maybe for real this time.” Neil said, smiling tentatively. Todd returned the smile, sheepishly.

“Yeah, sure.” Todd grabbed Neil’s hand, and the two carried on.

[heureuxblog]

PIXEL'S CAFE: AN OASIS FOR PLAYERS, A USUAL PLACE FOR DINERS

A person ascertains the word pixel, and he swiftly relates it to technology.  When he probes for a profound meaning, he extends his search in all of his information sources. The term is defined by the dictionary as any of the small discrete elements that together constitute an image. What he didn’t fathom is that Valenzuela City slightly diverges from the normal interpretation of pixel.

In a street of Malanday, Pixels Café can be located. One of the owners of the establishment was inquired about the business. A smile dominates Elaine Samonte’s face, perhaps she was reminiscing and became nostalgic by the blissful memories of the past while responding to the presented questions.

 HISTORY

The Samonte family, consisting of four progenies and two parents, lived the standard life in the 80’s and 90’s.  They had somewhat dissimilar but interconnected interests, probably because of their age intervals and priorities in life. The youngsters entertain themselves and also bond with each other by playing retro games ruled by 8-bit fictional characters, while the adults get immersed in establishing their careers to assist their financial needs. Furthermore, the matriarch is fond of food-related business endeavors, while her husband is into coffee and restaurants.

Almost two decades later, September of the year 2017, Pixels Café was introduced to the world. The 8-bit characters that once existed only on screens seem to morph into reality.  Elaine’s childhood had a tremendous influence in the enterprise itself. The name of the café came from the retro games that Elaine and her siblings played during their youth. Their mother and father’s enthusiasm in the field was a cherry on top. Everything fell in place.

Along the way, erecting this kind of business requires expertise, because as the owner, the objective is to satisfy the cravings and taste buds of your costumers. There was a faint inconvenience in the food formula and menu, for the siblings and their parents, despite their fondness of edible delicacies were not cuisine specialists.  The Samonte household’s determination and dedication were tested in finding a consultant chef, and fortunately, they were able to commission one to resolve the issues.

 WHAT’S NEW?

In order to be irreplaceable, one must be different. Elaine and her brothers pondered the menu names to make it unique from other restaurant menus. Marvin the Martian, Bugs Bunny Pork Liempo, Leonardo Waffle Split, Raphael Oreo Delight, Michaelangelo Fruity Overload, and Superman Classic originated from the distinctive epithets and recollections of the family long-ago.

Succeeding platters at Pixels Café also exhibited the tantamount scheme of its creators. The Granny’s Sweet and Sour Fish attempted to make an impression using batter fried fish swimming in homemade sauce and spring onions, and it did leave flavors on some parts of the fish. The balance of the seasonings were satisfactory, the sweet having a battle with the sour. On the other hand, in terms of presenting itself to its beau, it seemed lackluster.

Pixel’s Burger Overload was a fantasy. Perhaps it felt tremendous anxiety worrying about the great responsibility attached to its name overload that it completely forgot what it’s supposed to be. The fried potatoes resting beside the freshly baked brown buns had the same frequency as the fingers of human hands. Burgers should not also hesitate to increase their proportions, it’s a part of growing up. On the brighter side, the patty was overloaded with spices and salt- delivering the ultimate umami.

Arriba! Arriba! Nachos was a glass half-filled with water—the union of nachos, beef, black olives, cheese sauce, fresh tomato salsa and chives should have been extensive that may result to a satisfying feeling. A shrimp went solo on Shrek pesto, with the pasta tasting creamy from the olive oil and parmesan. It had high notes of pepper and earthy flavors. The best symphony would be possible with more accompaniment.

The tang of Greek Foam-covered Iced Coffee in the style of Oreo and vanilla should be amplified like the music on a Friday night as well as the Dark Choco and Wintermelon Milktea. Wonder Berry makes individuals contemplate whether they are granted with icing sugar and ice cream that was originally written on the menu, or a strawberry jam with faint traces of sweet flavors.

The Porky Pig Sisig, pork liver and jowls were bombarded with white onions, citrus, chives, and fried egg. Meat pops moderately in the mouth, yet the pork was vaguely controlled by its oiliness, and the general texture.

Raphael Oreo Delight was included in the dean’s list. Edges of the plate were overlapping with the patterned sunset-colored waffles. Oreo and whipped cream smooched caramel syrup above the pancake. Savoring this piece of heaven guarantees brief but genuine euphoria.

Other parts of the café were dedicated to entertainment. Guests were awed by the set of games that amuses the contenders, such as UNO cards, jenga, and varieties of board games. The atmosphere was congenial; the people are able to have a rapport with the café and its staff. Places must have good ventilation in all areas, and this is one of the factors that has a room for rectification.

Surfeited with delicacies, a final question wafted the air. What makes people come back? Elaine stares and reflects for a moment, before stating that it’s not just about the foods that you offer, it’s also about the ambiance of the place. The world can be tiring, a person needs his safe haven to rest his eyes and stretch his muscles to face another day ahead.

[alpacamybagsus-blog]

Days 11, 12, and 13 (Tucumcari/Santa Fe/Albuquerque, Flagstaff, Los Angeles)

Our writing over the last couple of posts has been a joint effort since these blogs always seem to take us longer than we think they will. This one, however is going to be a solo Michael effort, since Kanisha is busy repacking our car today. Late on Day 11 we found our rental car was making a funny noise emanating from the wheel well, which made us nervous. Would the wheel fly off on the Interstate while doing 70? Or worse, on a two lane road where losing control would mean a head-on collision with a tractor trailer? We didn’t want to find out, so like the responsible adults we are, we swapped it out for another rental car. Don’t worry, readers, we lost a few hours of fun, but we’re safe.

So the last time we wrote it was from the comfort of the Blue Swallow Motel, which is a perfectly-preserved-from-1939 motel along historic Route 66 in Tucumcari New Mexico. I personally enjoyed the old copies of National Geographic they left in the room, which advertised travel deals for tourists of the era. Main takeaway: travel used to be hella expensive. We live in a Golden Age! 

Kanisha went out at night to take photos of the neon phantasmagoria that once characterized the small rest towns on the Mother Road:

Pretty, right?

Earlier, we also got a shot of the kitschy curio shops that populated the area.

We got a great night’s sleep marinating in the “100% refrigerated air,” and had some great coffee the next morning courtesy of the hosts. Soon after, we were off across more lonely high-desert roads to climb the mountains towards Santa Fe.

At an elevation of 7,198 feet, the capital of New Mexico (also America’s oldest, founded 1610. Have that, Boston) is an impossibly pretty mountainside town, done almost entirely in the Pueblo-Spanish style. I’d say it’s amazing that it could remain so well preserved, but apparently the revival was part of a 1912 effort to boost tourism. I guess the Old Trail hadn’t been bringing in enough new money...

Anyway, it’s still beautiful, and I wish I had snapped more pictures of buildings like the above.

The cathedral basilica was also a Neo-Romanesque masterpiece.

As with the rest of New Mexico, there was no shortage of turquoise, and the lapis lazuli was not in tight supply either. Santa Fe more than the roadside stands had high end Native art galleries though, which were pretty cool even if we couldn’t afford anything. 

There was even a nifty art vending machine made from a converted cigarette dispenser.

Aside from walking around we also spent most of our morning at a farmer’s market where Kanisha managed to snag some chive vinegar, and I some yak jerky. Hipsters have taken over everywhere, and we thus get to reap these rewards!

After leaving Santa Fe in the afternoon, we drove down through the mountains to Albuquerque, where upon arrival, I took a much needed nap. Albuquerque is a rapidly growing city that boasts the distinct New Mexican culture you would find in Santa Fe, with a bustling Los Angeles type vibe. You can find Native American and Mexican food casually interspersed in the city’s many restaurants, and we got to enjoy a fusion dish - the Navajo Taco, made by layering salsa verde, beans and cheese on top of Navajo fry bread. As with the rest of New Mexico, the food is just casually very spicy. You don’t even have to ask, it’s just expected that you want it hot. 

The other thing you might think of when Albuquerque comes to mind is Breaking Bad. If that’s you, than you and Kanisha are on the same page. We discovered the aforementioned taco because we went to Los Pollos Hermanos (actually this was filmed at a delicious New Mexican burrito chain called Twisters).

We also stopped by the local candy shop that did the props for the entire first season of the show and was responsible for the blue methamphetamine.

Here’s Kanisha cooking up a batch of fine crystal. Plus we got to buy some delicious mint-covered Oreos.

Last, it was time to head to a brewery to finish the day, but Kanisha snagged a last photo of another famous TV location:

After Albuquerque, we had a long drive ahead of us out to Flagstaff, to see two National Parks: Painted Desert/Petrified Forest (underrated) and the Grand Canyon’s South Rim (appropriately rated). But first we had to cross the continental divide. Most of the rivers we crossed were essentially tiny creeks since the whole area is so dry. They apparently flood to great depths during the monsoon season, but for now it was silly to think that a river like the Pecos that’s so prominent on the map barely has enough water to flow for most of the year.

We also got Denny’s, Kanisha’s first time in 10 years. Getting beers at a Denny’s officially made us the trashiest people in said Denny’s, which is a tough title to achieve and one to be proud of.

The first park we made it to was Painted Desert. The approach to the park is similar to the dry scrub land that covers western New Mexico and Arizona, but soon you see the painted valley spread out before you. We remembered pictures!

Even the stuffed alpaca was remembered (finally):

The south portion of the park is covered in large petrified tree trunks. The area had formerly been tropical in the time of the dinosaurs, but the fossilized trees now dot the landscape. From far away, the trunks and flecks of petrified wood covering the ground make it look like freshly sawn logs strewn with sawdust are everywhere, but up close you can see the quartz formations. They’re pretty enough to make jewelry from. Kanisha took some pictures:

And again our alpaca, with a nice detailed view of the quartz:

After leaving, it was time to see the crown jewel of the Great American Roadtrip. The Grand Canyon drive takes you up through the desert to the mountains, where Flagstaff is nestled in the Coconino National forest. It’s highly surprising to be driving at one moment through red rocks and desert, and having that scenery give way to a thick pine forest. The canyon itself is about sixty miles north of Flagstaff, and gives no warning that the forest is about to give way to its vastness. The first person to discover it must have just been wandering through the woods, and then suddenly stunned, seemingly out of nowhere.

Obviously, we took pictures.

Kanisha contemplating beauty!

Me, looking at how far I’d fall if there weren’t a rail!

Us, at the rim (it was windy)

Obligatory selfie, (again, windy)

After hiking around for a bit, we decided to go check out historic Williams, a historic Route 66 town we’d been tipped off to by a fellow traveler down in Boquillas, who seemed to know his stuff. It turned out to be wonderfully quirky and kitschy like Tucumcari, but with a bustling downtown vibe. Definitely recommended, definitely worth a visit. 

As you can see, they keep that 19th century Western town spirit alive.

Finally we stopped at an extremely Twin Peaks-y diner and got dinner. The staff were super nice, and they had fine coffee and cherry pie, as one must expect. They also had a sign up with this piece of wisdom, which I now bequeath to you:

The next day comprised a long drive through the Western Arizona and Eastern California desert. We unfortunately don’t have much photo evidence for it, but if you can imagine a lot of hot gravel and 110 degree air, that’s pretty much how it went. We eventually arrived in San Bernardino and had some pretty groovy Peruvian food as we waited for rush hour traffic to subside before we could head into the city. As anyone who knows LA knows, this never actually happens, so we had to sit in some traffic. We finally made it to Downtown LA and had a drink to end the day. I was first introduced to mezcal when I lived here, so we went to a bar specializing in it for a drink. Much deserved after all that driving!

[wisemime-blog]

More Ways Donald Trump is Going to Distract Us

We’ve come to recognize the pattern. A scandal involving Donald Trump breaks and, almost as quickly, the President does something so wild that it’s all the media can focus on. 

Remember when Sean Spicer insisted Trump’s inauguration was so widely attended that it made Bonnaroo weep? Period! Once that was laughed to death, Trump shifted the conversation to the data-impared phenomena of voter fraud being the only reason the Trump Train never pulled into Popular Vote Terminal.

Remember when we learned of the glorious possibility that footage may exist of Trump soaking in the sight of Russian hookers soiling a bed the Obama’s slept in? Well that was preempted by our president’s wailing that CNN was, like, such a bitch to him all the time.

The rule of three’s insisting that I provide another example? How about Robert Muller agreeing to testify before Congress? Trump started jumping up and down and shouting that he was going to personally beat up and deport anyone who has even thought of trying salsa.

So how do we combat this strategy? Our hope is that we can neutralize Trump’s red herrings if we know about them ahead of time. So we reached out to our team of vampire squid and angler fish hackers in the deep sea web and gained access to Donald Trump’s personal libro di cattiva direzione, evidently titled, “Diversions and Crushes. Private: Keep Out.” Without further ado, please enjoy:

Removing the "1600" Numbers from the Outside of the White House

“If they can’t find the joint, they can’t ask any questions.”

Hiring a New Communications Director

Trump lays out a list of his top choices:

Riley Reid

“Someone who can do sword tricks”

“Whomever the Burger King’s guy is.”

Malala Yousafzai

“Kelso”

Bribing us with Sweets

Look, we can talk about these scandals, or we can eat these freshly baked cinnamon buns. We cannot do both.

Slowly Putting a Bug in His Mouth

If faced with a question he can’t pivot out, the President is planning to scan the floor for the nearest bug, slowly pick it up, put it in his mouth, “excitedly” chew, and swallow. He’s also written in uppercase “CRUNCHY. JUICY.”

“Maybe Let's Talk About All the Times You've Committed Scandals for Once”

What makes us so great that we feel we can point fingers? And honestly, wouldn’t it be nice if we just stopped fighting for a while and things went back to how they were when we first met? Come on, let’s go get some ice cream.

An Inverted Tan

Trump plans to reverse his tanning strategy and focus solely on the bags around his eyes. Perhaps this is why the president stared directly at the sun during that eclipse.

Hot Gossip About Shinzō Abe

Apparently Trump’s friendship with Japan’s Prime Minister isn’t entirely palsy-walsy. Trump has been collecting dirt on Abe since the two met in 2017. The notes are a bit underwhelming though. Things like “rinses dishes without using soap or sponge” to “thinks Paul Hollywood is the best part of The Great British Bake Off.”

Begin Wearing Carson Daly Fingernail Polish

Is there anything more distracting than a man who never explains why he’s sporting black fingernail polish on just two fingers? It’s literally the only thing I remember about TRL. But Trump doesn’t want to look too feminine, so instead of nail polish he’ll just crush up some of his afternoon Oreos.

Another Royal Baby!

Apparently this is an old trick Trump learned from the Queen of England herself. Every royal baby birthed over the last thirty years has come after the Queen did something scandalous. Do you recall the time Elizabeth II got so high that she licked Harry Styles? No? That’s how effective of a strategy this is.

A New Slicked Back Hairdo

Trump is prepared to abandon his infamous coif for a new “slicked back” look. We assume it’ll look similar to his well documented heroes: Hulk Hogan, and The Crypt Keeper.

Make America Great Again

In a truly maniacal ploy, Trump plans to promote the idea of returning the country to a conceptual past glory. Fear tactics, propaganda, and blatant racism will be used to stir up chaos among the American people. 

Those who disagree with him and think the glory days never really existed will be branded as out of touch, delicate, and/or unpatriotic by the other side. Vice versa, those who are receptive to Trump’s rhetoric will be seen as stupid, naive, or racist. 

Rifts will form passionate sects. Disagreements will appear hopeless and chasmlike. The country will fall into gridlock. The rest of the world will laugh at us while we spend significant amounts of time bickering with one another in spite of the fact that we are all human beings who just want what’s best for ourselves, our loved ones, and our country.

Embed the Truth About a Scandal into a Long Form Improv Show

Obviously we’re not fucking going to that.

[crowlentil98-blog]

Where to Eat in Austin Right Now According to Neighborhood

This definitely sounds crazy, but I’m starting to think I’ve eaten almost everywhere in Austin that I want to at the moment. That being said, the last six months have been the most exciting time in the culinary scene as I’ve seen chefs take risks and branch out to showcase what they really want to cook and eat. I’ve been most impressed by the concepts that don’t replicate any others in town and the ones that we have been NEEDING such as Uncle Nicky’s, an Italian cafe and bar with meat sandwiches, gelato, and cocktails, Bar Peached which is in the corner of Clarksville that always needs new spots to grab a nice cocktail and a bite, and Intero on the east side which changes the menu daily and uses whole animals and ingredients to prevent waste.

Full disclosure- I do need to revisit a few old school places like Fonda San Miguel which I haven’t been to since college and Vespaio, and I have only eaten LA BBQ catered. I want to try the Indian food truck Bombay Dhaba on South First, and El Dorado and Little Deli up north. Otherwise, I’ve eaten my way around the Austin sun in the last two years. People say I’m lucky or wow how do you do that. Guys, these restaurants are open to the public (YOU), and you don’t have to eat at your same breakfast taco shack 5 days a week!! The only place I frequent is Casa De Luz, the holy vegan spot when I need a healthy reboot and some home cooking! Otherwise, here are my favorite spots right now new and old in each neighborhood when you’re looking to sift through all the noise.

SOUTH AUSTIN:

(South First, South Congress, Bouldin, South Lamar)

Asian!

American!

Vegan!

Pizza & a Show!

Mexican!

Fresa’s – Who goes to a Mexican restaurant to get ice cream? Me! James Beard nominee Chef Laura Sawicki makes the best cookies in cream with fresh oreos and chocolate brownie. It’s casual and ideal for to-go or big groups when you want margaritas and perfectly cooked chicken. I also love their vegetable sides that are more creative than rice and beans like sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, beets, etc.

Matt’s El Rancho – C-L-A-S-S-I-C Tex- Mex. If you’ve been looking for Bob Armstrong dip, it’s here.

Polvo’s – I love watching them bake the fresh tortillas and the salsa bar. Fish fajitas all the way.

El Borrego de Oro – Best tortilla soup. That’s it.

Vera Cruz Al Natural @ Radio Coffee – My favorite breakfast taco in town. Only at this location. Fish tacos are good, too!

BBQ!

Bakery!

DOWNTOWN + RAINEY STREET

French!

Chez Nous – You won’t even know you are in Austin until you leave and head across the street to Antone’s. Escargot and Fish!

Le Politique – On the west side of downtown. I like best for brunch. Get the cinnamon roll and hash.

Perfect before a show!

La Condesa – The restaurant that started the 2nd street population. Great for birthday dinners in their subterranean private room.

Fareground – A food hall where you don’t have to commit. Tacos, Italian food, golden milk, matcha lattes, Monster Cookies, Sushi, Ramen, and Israeli food.

The Back Space – Perfect pizza and antipasti veggies before heading out to a show on Dirty Sixth.

Lunch!

Koriente – Not much of an atmosphere, but it’s for the healthy Asian lunch spot with rice bowls and curries. I add spicy tuna to my veggies bowl.

Walton’s – Quick sandwich, soup, salad, bakery. Get the golden egg snickerdoodle for dessert.

Holy Roller – Punk rock diner ideal before or after day drinking. I like the grilled cheese with avocado.

Second Bar + Kitchen – Something for everyone and good for business.

Nice on Rainey!

East Austin

Breakfast + Brunch!

Fun Dinner!

Il Brutto – This might be the only Italian restaurant in town that actually has a true Italian chef cooking in it! He makes 7 handmade pastas daily, pizza dough that is fermented for two days so it’s fluffy and crunchy, and their happy hour is 1/2 off all drinks from 5-7 p.m. I love the lasagna, lamb, and complimentary limoncello at the end.

Kemuri Tatsuya – This is one of the most fun places in Austin because you can’t get this food anywhere else. Think Izakaya meets Texas BBQ. Good for big groups.

Intero – They change their menu regularly and used to work at the iconic Jeffrey’s. You’ll see the same ingredients sprinkled throughout the menu because they are big on no waste and using whole animals. Their pastas are great.

Suerte – Masa, masa, masa! I love the bar here, good wine, and a fun, intimate setting. It’s bright, has flamingo wallpaper in the bathroom. The brisket tacos and carrot dumplings are my favorite.

Buenos Aires Cafe – This is one of the oldest restaurants in Austin and on the original east side! I haven’t eaten here in years, BUT they have an awesome speakeasy bar in the back called Milonga Room and the fries are dank. You have to call or text to make a reservation Thursday- Saturday. They have live music and great wines. 512.593.1920

Launderette – Chef Rene Ortiz and Laura Sawicki run the show here so it’s flawless. I love all the Mediterranean influence yet great burger and chicken thighs. There’s a reason everyone talks about the birthday cake ice cream sandwiches only served at dinner. Don’t worry the breakfast pastries are fabulous, too.

The Brewer’s Table – The menu here is quite intriguing. They brew their own beer here and use wheat and hops in some of the food. Have no fear, if you are a wine over beer drinker like me, this spot is still for you. I love the large format family style dinners and their rabbit carnitas tacos are my favorite in town. Not sure how this place can have the best tortillas but they do!

Justine’s – This is the sexiest restaurant in town. It’s one of the only super sceney yet local places where I feel like I’m in NYC again. The staff has outstanding individual style, they don’t care that you have to wait 2 hours, the murals in the outdoor tents during the winter are gorgeous, and the steak tartare and mussels are memorable. This is where I want to go on a date or with my best friends for a night out.

Easy dinner!

Thai Kun – The Asian food trucks are actually my favorite in Austin. Thai Kun also happens to be outside my favorite cocktail bar, Whisler’s. Get the Cabbage Two Ways (fried and raw) with holy basil and mint and the Khao Man Gai Thai Steamed Chicken with rice. Mmm.

Hillside Farmacy – Go for the kale salad and mac ‘n cheese. It reminds me of a cute corner spot that would be in Brooklyn. Fun for a girls dinner or a good cocktail at the bar with a date. It has old school pharmacy style seating but very chic.

Sour Duck – This is almost the definition of Austin. Casual, outdoor beer garden feel, order food at the counter. Lots of meat and some veggie options. Waiter for cocktails AND parking.

Bakery!

Paperroute Bakery – This place holds a special place in my heart. This young twenty-something baker named Aaron is a one man show waking up at 2 a.m. to start baking in his 500 square foot bakery attached to Cenote. Go for the blueberry pop tarts, bundts, and place an order for your next birthday cake.

CLARKSVILLE/TARRY TOWN/ HYDE PARK/CAMPUS

Casual Good Food!

The Beer Plant – This all vegan restaurant with a brewery blew my mind. I love that it wasn’t showy and felt just like a neighborhood spot that ANYONE vegan or not can actually eat at every night and not get sick of it. It was PACKED on a Wednesday. Get the special soup of the day because it’s served with their awesome bread and the eggplant curry. All the sandwiches looked so good I wanted to steal a bite from my neighbor when he went to the bathroom.

Texas French Bread – An Austin classic right by campus since 1981! Feels like it must have been the only bakery and place to get fresh breads in town at one point. I love their brunch and superb omelette. Great salads and easy sandwiches. Cookies for all, and best of all, beautiful lighting.

Better Half – I have all my meetings here. I’ve never seen a better place for coffee, cocktails, AND food. I also feel very Brooklyn here with the well dressed crowd. Men in real, fitted t-shirts. Go for the fried chicken salad, cauliflower tater tots, and biscuit with homemade jam.

40 North – This is my all around favorite pizza place. The crust has height, is fluffy, and holds the sauce and toppings well. It’s in a cute little house ideal for lunch or a casual dinner. The Mediterranean cauliflower and bibb salad are enough of a reason to come if not just for pizza!

Uncle Nicky’s – This tiny Italian cafe and bar in Hyde Park made me squeal when it opened in 2019 as there is nothing like it. I can get an assortment of negronis, Italian meat sandwiches on the best homemade roll in town, kale salad with truffle honey, and my absolute favorite: sardines with salsa verde and ritz!! Come here for an early aperitif or stop on your way home. Best solo or with one other person due to space.

Shoal Creek Saloon – If you are looking for a bar withe peel n eat crawfish and shrimp, here you go. Skip the gumbo and go for the fried okra.

Pool Burger – Backyard burgers served out of a food truck, tiki cocktails, crinkle cut waffle fries, and necessary soft serve.

Nicer Outing!

Clark’s – This is go-to for seafood. The only place in town where I can get a perfect bowl of ciopinno + oysters. The burger is my favorite in town,  and don’t forget they are open for brunch, and the pancakes are awesome.

Bar Peached – This menu is wild and crazy, kids! I love the cucumber vodka cocktail, and the chimichurri carrots. It’s like asian ingredients meets Texas with unique tacos and even pastas made with udon noodles. It’s situated in a cute house in Clarksville and has patio seating that feels separated.

BURNET ROAD/ALLENDALE

Easy Lunch or Dinner!

Picnik – All hail anyone looking for fresh, mindful ingredients and those we are allergic to gluten, soy, corn, or peanuts. They don’t let any of that in their kitchen! Think butter coffee, matcha lattes, breakfast hash + tacos on Siete tortillas, my favorite cauliflower steak with capers, raisins on a bed of hummus, roasted chicken, and their paleo blondie.

Tiny Boxwood – A ladies who lunch spot from Houston. Just come for the cute, outdoor courtyard and chocolate chip cookies!!!

Pacha – A tinsy coffee shop that has my favorite pancakes in town. They serve their eggs on top of them, too!

Bakery!

Kellie’s Baking Co. – Known for their ginger cookies with instagram photos pasted on the front, I prefer the brookie which is half chocolate chip cookie/half brownie/topped with mallow! It’s so gooey and doughy. I love their stuffed reese’s and twix cookies just as much!

Tiny Pies – Mini pies great to bring to a party or a birthday. I like the fruit ones best.

SUSHI 

This gets its own category because there are so few in town!

MUELLER

Source: http://www.chekmarkeats.com/where-to-eat-in-austin/

[kidsviral-blog]

Couple Pays $300 Each For Dinner And Get Something That Wouldn't Fill Anyone's Belly

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/couple-pays-300-each-for-dinner-and-get-something-that-wouldnt-fill-anyones-belly/

Couple Pays $300 Each For Dinner And Get Something That Wouldn't Fill Anyone's Belly

While most of us stick to using emojis on our phone to help portray our moods, one restaurant in Bangkok is taking patrons on a “journey through modern Indian cuisine in 25 emojis.”

But with 25 courses, such an impressive display of culinary talent must come at a pretty hefty price. Gaggan Restaurant, which has the distinction of being the number seven restaurant in the world, offers customers this delicious journey for just $300 a person.

And while such an expensive meal might not be in the cards for most of us, one couple decided to shell out $600 on their anniversary and indulge in the Indian delicacies prepared by chef Gaggan Anand. Keep reading to hear their thoughts on the extravagant tasting menu.

Imgur / jamesn86

“My wife and I first went to this restaurant on our honeymoon in 2013. It wasn’t very well known then, the concierge at our hotel couldn’t even give us directions (and he was sporting a clef d’ors badge!)

Back then, they had 2 set menus and an a la carte option. We went the first time and had a set menu for about $70 for two and enjoyed it so much we went back a couple of nights later for the à la carte.

For our fourth anniversary, we made the trip back to Bangkok and before we had even booked flights, I had booked us in at this restaurant we had raved about ever since our honeymoon.

When we arrived, the maître d’ told us that we were invited to the chef’s table and did we accept (of course!)

The restaurant has changed a bit in the last four years, renovations etc. and the chef’s table was in the extension to the main restaurant and upstairs. We went upstairs with the 10 other guests and these were the menus placed before us — oh boy!”

Imgur / jamesn86

“I’ve included another photo which is a bit clearer. The pen marks are where the new wine was to be poured — we couldn’t NOT have the matching wine — and what a fantastic decision that was too.”

Imgur / jamesn86

“Here we have the first course: paan.

Paan is a traditional Indian street food made with betel leaf, a variety of fruits, spices, seeds, and occasionally tobacco.

This paan had a small betel leaf prepared in a light tempura batter and some chilli dabbed on top — a far cry from the paan I had first tasted at about 1am on the streets of Delhi!”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b57097d" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Ah yes, as Chef Gaggan called it, “the dish that made him famous”.

In 2013, this dish was on his menu, and he says it will be on his last ever menu too.

Simple, although probably not. It is yoghurt (think raita) but spherified. The spherification (and reverse spherification) process is about the combination of a preparation including sodium alginate, and a preparation high in calcium. The sodium alginate and calcium solution react to form a thin skin around your solution and as you put it in your mouth, the yoghurt explodes and you drink it.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b570b66" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Here he is, the man himself, Chef Gaggan Anand.

All around nice guy, and just super passionate about making good food using different techniques.

We first met him when we just finished eating at his restaurant the second time and it was raining, so we were waiting out front for a taxi; there was this chef there and he asked us how we enjoyed our meal (it was amazing!) and then we started to discuss politics as the riots had just started. He wished us a good night as we hopped in the taxi and we saw him walk across the road and unlock a BMW — ah, might have been Gaggan that we just spoke to!

Rumour has it that he was a big drive for the Michelin Guide to finally come to Bangkok last year. In a city full of stand out restaurants, he’s been a consistently strong performer and really helped put it on the culinary map, so I can believe those rumours. How many Michelin stars did he get first time around? Just a casual two”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b570d39" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“So the next course was prawn heads with goo…only kidding!

You know tom yum soup? This is freeze dried prawn head with a concoction in an edible film wrapper which tasted like the most amazing tom yum soup!”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b570f04" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“These are eggplant wafers. I cannot even begin to describe how painful the process of making these sounds, but I’ll give it a go: 1) roast the eggplants until they’re burned on the outside and cooked inside 2) blast freeze to -40*C 3) freeze dry to remove all moisture (about 4 days) 4) pound into powder, mix with spices and oil to make a dough and cut with cookie cutter 5) put onion chutney in the inside like an oreo Congratulate the 8-9 chefs who worked on it for 5-6 days before serving to your guests to devour in one bite!”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b5710d2" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Shake your bon bon! Chilli bon bons!

As with everything so far, not too spicy, a very delicate balance of flavours and textures — a beautifully firm but delicate shell with a creamy, slightly spicy inside.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b5712c5" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“This one got me a little. One of my favourite on the menu for sure.

A heartier serve than other portions prior, a meaty dish that really had some great flavours going on.

Apparently it was goat. Brains. What? I’ve eaten brains before and there’s quite a soft texture to them, I remember it being almost creamy which I didn’t think this dish had. On reflection though, I suppose it wasn’t a really meaty texture, just a hint of meaty flavour and a smoothness to the bite after breaking the shell around it.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571497" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Anyone here au fait with subcontinental cuisine? Does idli sambar sound familiar?

Idli are a type of rice cake and sambar is a lentil-based dish cooked in a tamarind broth giving it a hint of sweetness.

In this instance, the idli were more like rice puffs, soft and very light, while the sambar was a foam which brought the subtle sweetness of the tamarind through with the more noticeable savouriness of the lentil soup.

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571665" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Forget the formality of chef’s whites, Gaggan is a rock star and would prefer to make great food and give guests a good time than try to “look the part”.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b57185c" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“These bad boys are chicken liver and coconut. If I’m being honest, I’ve kinda forgotten the flavours of this dish so I’m terribly sorry.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571a37" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“I remember one of the sommeliers asking me what my favourite dish was and I didn’t want to say this dish because everyone else had said it, but it was a fantastic little burger. It was probably the surprise factor to an extent — just unassuming and then bam! Really terrific flavours and yet so simple.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571c1d" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Fish tacos. Hands down my favourite variety of taco — a nice soft tortilla with perhaps a fresh mango salsa and some beautiful, fresh fish et voilà!

Despite my least favourite taco shell (being a hard one), this was a chance to showcase the quality seafood that you can get in Bangkok. It was a joy to eat.

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571df9" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Any guesses?How about yuzu marshmallow and foie gras?

This marshmallow was really well made (like, REALLY!) it was a little chewy, but only insofar as to offer the slightest resistance as you bit through it and took a small pillow of citrus with your foie gras and wafer. Incredible.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b571fdd" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“At this point, Gaggan walked around asking everyone the same thing: is this cheesecake, or is this fish?

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and only said cheesecake because everyone else said fish? This moi.

It was fish. Of course it was fish. It was OBVIOUS it was fish. I just thought that maybe, MAYBE, the obvious answer wasn’t the right answer. What a dweeb.

Well, it was a cheesecake texture, and an interesting take on the fish cake!”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b5721b8" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Uni = sea urchin.

Honestly, not my favourite. People love it, and that’s cool. I’m just not one of them and that’s okay too.

Those little balls on top? Oh hey, welcome back spherification! Those are gin and tonic balls.

Aside from the fact that uni isn’t something I enjoy, I got this dish. It was serving some crisp flavours with the gin and tonic balls (and a bit of sorbet below the uni) to cut through the seafood-y flavour of the sea urchin all served in an easy-to-hold seaweed wrapper.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b572389" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Fresh (I mean prepared right in front of us) medium fatty tuna sushi.

I can’t tell you how good this was — you just have that feeling when you take a bit of something and know that everything is right in this world.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b572581" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Everyone knows matcha tea, it’s made with…matcha? Well, this was a cold preparation made with asparagus, celery, and some other vegetables and herbs WHICH PERFECTLY REPLICATED THE TASTE OF MATCHA!! This is witchcraft. I honestly couldn’t tell you how surprised I was that he told us we basically just had vegetable soup.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b57275a" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“You like pork? You like curry with a kick? How about a mouthful-sized serving of pork vindaloo served in a coating of panko breadcrumbs? Yum.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b57293a" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“An uncooked curry: yes it was served temperate, yes those scallops were to die for, and yes, that is a quenelle of coconut ice cream which combined with a slightly spicy green chutney to just remind you that this was a curry you were eating.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b572b0f" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Caged chicken.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b572ced" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Oh, actually, it’s quail! I might have tried to convince my wife to let me have her portion of this one too…

Chettinad is a typically spicy curry from southern India, in this instance, that fire was reduced to a marinade before cooking, and then a small dollop of just-spicy-enough goodness beneath the quail breasts.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b572ec4" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“So this is Paturi. Paturi is one of those universal dishes which seems to have been simultaneously invented by every civilisation around the world.

Simply, it is cooking something in a banana leaf. This particular specimen was cooked sandwiched between cedar wood, with some rice and fish wrapped in the banana leaf.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573091" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Unfortunately I failed to hear the exact method behind this dish. Essentially, it was this very crisp exterior which mimicked charcoal in texture, with some of this in powdered form on top. What was inside was this creamy asparagus, although not overwhelmingly asparagus flavoured. A really, really interesting dish from a texture perspective.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573263" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Lobster in a delicately spiced sauce, on top of a dosa (an Indian pancake of sorts). You know how I said I like fish tacos except in the soft tortilla? Yeah, swap the fish and mango salsa for lobster in a curry-style sauce and that’s more like it. I tried stealing the wife’s portion again but almost got my hand bitten off.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b57343a" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“We got served this box next, wonder what’s inside?”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573633" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Roses. Hand-made. Out of…beetroot? Well, I couldn’t tell it was beetroot. A shame to destroy someone’s handiwork, but heck, I already ate the eggplant cookie so I didn’t feel that bad.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573827" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Wait, so curry mango and chocolate?

Not the most outrageous thing I’ve eaten tonight, I’ll try it…of course it’s amazing. It’s exactly what you think will happen when a team of passionate, top-notch chefs put their mind to creating a fusion of something we think of as earthy and spicy, with the sweetness of mango and then have the chocolate sandwich it together.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b5739ff" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Twist on the Black Forest cake anyone? I forget how the cherries were prepared, but they had that nice tang to them that cherries sometimes get, while the powder melted in your saliva to give a wonderful creamy texture to a classic dessert.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573be0" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Ghewar, or ghevar, is a sweet biscuity-cake snack from northern India. In this case, combine this ghewar, which isn’t overly sweet, with a slice of mango to give it a little sweetness kick, results in a divine dessert to close off this epic culinary journey.”

<div class="llcust" data-lltype="media" id="ll_5a8a45b573db6" data-source="

Imgur / jamesn86

“Overall, it was about a five out of seven (maybe even a 13/10). Would definitely eat there a fourth time to see what Gaggan and his team have devised next.”

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/expensive-dinner/

[trendingnewsb]

Couple Order $300-Per-Person Dinner At #7 Restaurant In The World, And Here’s What They Get

Everyone has their dirty pleasures, and this couple has just paid 600 dollars to enjoy a very particular one. A 25-course meal at Gaggan restaurant in Bangkok that’s described as “a journey through modern Indian cuisine in 25 emojis.” I assume that most of us won’t be tasting it soon, so let’s at least have a look at what the number 7 restaurant in the world has to offer, shall we?

According to The World’s 50 Best Restaurants, “Chef Gaggan Anand has consistently transformed his tasting menu, developing conversation-starting dishes like the spherified Yoghurt Explosion and creating a dining experience that reflects the warmth of Thai hospitality in Bangkok.” The innovative establishment has been named No.1 in Asia’s 50 Best Restaurants for three consecutive years!

Scroll down to check out what the couple had, and hurry up if you want to visit the place yourself! Anand plans to close Gaggan in 2020 to open a small restaurant in Fukuoka, Japan, with fellow cook and friend Takeshi ‘Goh’ Fukuyama.

“My wife and I first went to this restaurant on our honeymoon in 2013. It wasn’t very well known then, the concierge at our hotel couldn’t even give us directions (and he was sporting a clef d’ors badge!)

Back then, they had 2 set menus and an a la carte option. We went the first time and had a set menu for about $70 for two and enjoyed it so much we went back a couple of nights later for the à la carte.

For our fourth anniversary, we made the trip back to Bangkok and before we had even booked flights, I had booked us in at this restaurant we had raved about ever since our honeymoon.

When we arrived, the maître d’ told us that we were invited to the chef’s table and did we accept (of course!)

The restaurant has changed a bit in the last four years, renovations etc. and the chef’s table was in the extension to the main restaurant and upstairs. We went upstairs with the 10 other guests and these were the menus placed before us — oh boy!”

“I’ve included another photo which is a bit clearer. The pen marks are where the new wine was to be poured — we couldn’t NOT have the matching wine — and what a fantastic decision that was too. So here it is: 25 (twenty five) courses!”

“Some prep work going on while we waited.”

“Here we have the first course: paan.

Paan is a traditional Indian street food made with betel leaf, a variety of fruits, spices, seeds, and occasionally tobacco.

This paan had a small betel leaf prepared in a light tempura batter and some chilli dabbed on top — a far cry from the paan I had first tasted at about 1am on the streets of Delhi!”

“Ah yes, as Chef Gaggan called it, “the dish that made him famous”.

In 2013, this dish was on his menu, and he says it will be on his last ever menu too.

Simple, although probably not. It is yoghurt (think raita) but spherified. The spherification (and reverse spherification) process is about the combination of a preparation including sodium alginate, and a preparation high in calcium. The sodium alginate and calcium solution react to form a thin skin around your solution and as you put it in your mouth, the yoghurt explodes and you drink it.”

“Here he is, the man himself, Chef Gaggan Anand.

All around nice guy, and just super passionate about making good food using different techniques.

We first met him when we just finished eating at his restaurant the second time and it was raining, so we were waiting out front for a taxi; there was this chef there and he asked us how we enjoyed our meal (it was amazing!) and then we started to discuss politics as the riots had just started. He wished us a good night as we hopped in the taxi and we saw him walk across the road and unlock a BMW — ah, might have been Gaggan that we just spoke to!

Rumour has it that he was a big drive for the Michelin Guide to finally come to Bangkok last year. In a city full of stand out restaurants, he’s been a consistently strong performer and really helped put it on the culinary map, so I can believe those rumours. How many Michelin stars did he get first time around? Just a casual two!”

“So the next course was prawn heads with goo…only kidding!

You know tom yum soup? This is freeze dried prawn head with a concoction in an edible film wrapper which tasted like the most amazing tom yum soup!”

“Three courses down and I’m starving! Oh good, little biscuits then!

These are eggplant wafers. I cannot even begin to describe how painful the process of making these sounds, but I’ll give it a go:

1) roast the eggplants until they’re burned on the outside and cooked inside

2) blast freeze to -40*C

3) freeze dry to remove all moisture (about 4 days)

4) pound into powder, mix with spices and oil to make a dough and cut with cookie cutter

5) put onion chutney in the inside like an oreo

Congratulate the 8-9 chefs who worked on it for 5-6 days before serving to your guests to devour in one bite!”

“Shake your bon bon! Chilli bon bons!

As with everything so far, not too spicy, a very delicate balance of flavours and textures — a beautifully firm but delicate shell with a creamy, slightly spicy inside.”

“This one got me a little. One of my favourite on the menu for sure.

A heartier serve than other portions prior, a meaty dish that really had some great flavours going on.

Apparently it was goat. Brains. What? I’ve eaten brains before and there’s quite a soft texture to them, I remember it being almost creamy which I didn’t think this dish had. On reflection though, I suppose it wasn’t a really meaty texture, just a hint of meaty flavour and a smoothness to the bite after breaking the shell around it.”

“Anyone here au fait with subcontinental cuisine? Does idli sambar sound familiar?

Idli are a type of rice cake and sambar is a lentil-based dish cooked in a tamarind broth giving it a hint of sweetness.

In this instance, the idli were more like rice puffs, soft and very light, while the sambar was a foam which brought the subtle sweetness of the tamarind through with the more noticeable savouriness of the lentil soup.”

“What a dude.

Forget the formality of chef’s whites, Gaggan is a rock star and would prefer to make great food and give guests a good time than try to “look the part”.

Let the food do the talking.”

“Did you notice the jug and bowl in the previous picture? That’s right — liquid nitrogen!

These bad boys are chicken liver and coconut. If I’m being honest, I’ve kinda forgotten the flavours of this dish so I’m terribly sorry.”

“Burgers? Yes please!

I remember one of the sommeliers asking me what my favourite dish was and I didn’t want to say this dish because everyone else had said it, but it was a fantastic little burger. It was probably the surprise factor to an extent — just unassuming and then bam! Really terrific flavours and yet so simple.”

“Fish tacos. Hands down my favourite variety of taco — a nice soft tortilla with perhaps a fresh mango salsa and some beautiful, fresh fish et voilà!

Despite my least favourite taco shell (being a hard one), this was a chance to showcase the quality seafood that you can get in Bangkok. It was a joy to eat.”

“Any guesses?

How about yuzu marshmallow and foie gras?

This marshmallow was really well made (like, REALLY!) it was a little chewy, but only insofar as to offer the slightest resistance as you bit through it and took a small pillow of citrus with your foie gras and wafer. Incredible.”

“At this point, Gaggan walked around asking everyone the same thing: is this cheesecake, or is this fish?

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and only said cheesecake because everyone else said fish? This moi.

It was fish. Of course it was fish. It was OBVIOUS it was fish. I just thought that maybe, MAYBE, the obvious answer wasn’t the right answer. What a dweeb.

Well, it was a cheesecake texture, and an interesting take on the fish cake!”

“Uni = sea urchin.

Honestly, not my favourite. People love it, and that’s cool. I’m just not one of them and that’s okay too.

Those little balls on top? Oh hey, welcome back spherification! Those are gin and tonic balls.

Aside from the fact that uni isn’t something I enjoy, I got this dish. It was serving some crisp flavours with the gin and tonic balls (and a bit of sorbet below the uni) to cut through the seafood-y flavour of the sea urchin all served in an easy-to-hold seaweed wrapper.”

“Fresh (I mean prepared right in front of us) medium fatty tuna sushi.

I can’t tell you how good this was — you just have that feeling when you take a bit of something and know that everything is right in this world.”

“14 dishes down. Now for a matcha tea ceremony. I had a video but couldn’t upload it — it’s no problem.

Everyone knows matcha tea, it’s made with…matcha? Well, this was a cold preparation made with asparagus, celery, and some other vegetables and herbs WHICH PERFECTLY REPLICATED THE TASTE OF MATCHA!! This is witchcraft. I honestly couldn’t tell you how surprised I was that he told us we basically just had vegetable soup.”

“You like pork? You like curry with a kick? How about a mouthful-sized serving of pork vindaloo served in a coating of panko breadcrumbs? Yum.”

“Guess who’s wife doesn’t eat scallops so they got to eat the whole dang thing? THIS GUY!

An uncooked curry: yes it was served temperate, yes those scallops were to die for, and yes, that is a quenelle of coconut ice cream which combined with a slightly spicy green chutney to just remind you that this was a curry you were eating.”

“Caged chicken.”

“Oh, actually, it’s quail! I might have tried to convince my wife to let me have her portion of this one too…

Chettinad is a typically spicy curry from southern India, in this instance, that fire was reduced to a marinade before cooking, and then a small dollop of just-spicy-enough goodness beneath the quail breasts.”

“Cooking, it is said, allowed humans’ brains to develop to a higher level than other animals. Gaggan gave a very impassioned talk about cooking food and the impact of cooked food on human development; the thing is that I heard a similar speech earlier in 2017 at the best restaurants in the world presentation when Heston Blumenthal was presented with a lifetime achievement award. His speech was so arduous that I thought he might have been under the influence and my opinion of him certainly dropped several rungs that night.

Anyway, it was a nice talk that Gaggan gave, and certainly an “oooo” moment as he grabbed his crème brûlée torch and lit these bad boys up.”

“So this is Paturi. Paturi is one of those universal dishes which seems to have been simultaneously invented by every civilisation around the world.

Simply, it is cooking something in a banana leaf. This particular specimen was cooked sandwiched between cedar wood, with some rice and fish wrapped in the banana leaf.”

“More fire!

Unfortunately I failed to hear the exact method behind this dish. Essentially, it was this very crisp exterior which mimicked charcoal in texture, with some of this in powdered form on top. What was inside was this creamy asparagus, although not overwhelmingly asparagus flavoured. A really, really interesting dish from a texture perspective.”

“Actually, forget what I said before about my favourite dish. THIS was my favourite dish.

Lobster in a delicately spiced sauce, on top of a dosa (an Indian pancake of sorts). You know how I said I like fish tacos except in the soft tortilla? Yeah, swap the fish and mango salsa for lobster in a curry-style sauce and that’s more like it. I tried stealing the wife’s portion again but almost got my hand bitten off.”

“We got served this box next, wonder what’s inside?”

“Ca-uutteee.

Roses. Hand-made. Out of…beetroot? Well, I couldn’t tell it was beetroot. A shame to destroy someone’s handiwork, but heck, I already ate the eggplant cookie so I didn’t feel that bad.”

“Wait, so curry mango and chocolate?

Not the most outrageous thing I’ve eaten tonight, I’ll try it…of course it’s amazing. It’s exactly what you think will happen when a team of passionate, top-notch chefs put their mind to creating a fusion of something we think of as earthy and spicy, with the sweetness of mango and then have the chocolate sandwich it together.”

“Twist on the Black Forest cake anyone? I forget how the cherries were prepared, but they had that nice tang to them that cherries sometimes get, while the powder melted in your saliva to give a wonderful creamy texture to a classic dessert.”

“Oh hey! Another box!”

“Oh boy! More mango! For someone who loves mangoes, this was a treat.

Ghewar, or ghevar, is a sweet biscuity-cake snack from northern India. In this case, combine this ghewar, which isn’t overly sweet, with a slice of mango to give it a little sweetness kick, results in a divine dessert to close off this epic culinary journey.”

“Overall, it was about a five out of seven (maybe even a 13/10). Would definitely eat there a fourth time to see what Gaggan and his team have devised next.”

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2GjsRZR via Viral News HQ

[factoropinionstatement]

I’m wearing the smile that you gave me...

Hi! I hope you are having a lovely night with your dog friends and the guys. I was so glad to hear that Escobar liked Michele okay, and I hope that remains true now. Escobar... why do you hate Butch? Oreo... why do you hate Escobar? Why can’t you tell us??? Also, I meant to ask you, is Escobar’s paw better?

Oreo seems to be feeling better. He only threw up that one time. He is having a bout of “reverse sneezing” right now though that is very distracting while I’m trying to write to you.

I got to catch up with Murph this morning. I haven’t taken a class with him in over a week (though I have been working out in the other room, instead of class since then). He said he had been getting ready to report an abduction to the Massachusetts police. He also thinks you are pretty great. I had really great technique on the snatch balance today. Murph tried to tell me that my hands were too far apart and I said “Out of all of the people in this room, you think I don’t know where my snatch grip should be?” He face got red and he turned away from me. I psyched myself out when I tried to do it with 70 pounds. I did hit 65 pounds twice, but couldn’t drop under the 70. It’ll remain a mystery I guess.

When we went to go get dumbbells for the dumbbell snatches, we discovered that there were really large plastic drainage type pipes in the double. Murph asked if I wanted to try crawl through it... I volunteered as tribute, and when i got half way through, he decided to give it a good shove and send me rolling... which was actually a lot of fun. He then grabbed my dumbbell and said to the class “now make sure you keep this tight” and I said “that’s what she said”

I’m completely baffled about how much I am enjoying listening to the country station. I’ve only found myself sub-consciously changing the station once, and it was the fourth time I had heard the song I think that’s call “any ol’ barstool”... that song I could do without.

Work was actually good. It’s nice when everything goes pretty smoothly and I can get stuff done. I got money from people that I needed to, I handled a bunch of account closures, I actually got a problem fixed from a few weeks ago by development today. All in all, it was very productive.

I was definitely perturbed by the furnace guy not showing up until almost 2:30... but he was super cool with Oreo, and vacuumed up the mess he made. The worst part is that it was already so humid... but to make sure everything was in working order, he had to let the furnace run. It may have only been for 5 minutes... but it felt like eternity.

I met up with Megan, and I mostly regretted this decision. I think we are still friends because I really like her ability to come up with puns out of nowhere. Aside from that, I can’t listen to the same stories over and over again like that. I didn’t even have enough time to forget any of them. Only 48 hours had passed!!! Ugh, also, she keeps telling me that she needs to have babies before she is 38... but what she really means is that she has to have them by the time she is 35... but she needs to be married first... and she wants a fairy tale princess style wedding... and she’s already 29... and she’s only been dating her current boyfriend for 4 months... which is the longest relationship she has ever been in... and is constantly talking about what a commitment-phobe she is... So I tried to ask her how she saw this time line playing out... and then she decided to change the subject. I had sofritas tacos with hot salsa and brown rice and peppers and onions and they were pretty delicious. This made me much happier about the decision.

When I got home from the walk, I had 3 orders to process for Set Editions, so I did that fairly quickly.

I hung out with Michael for a bit. He decided to tell Tiffany that he wanted a break today. He tried this 5 months ago and she basically wouldn’t allow it. Today however, I guess it seemed like she had been waiting for him to do it. And that made him a little sad I think.

I, on the other hand, have never been happier. I’ve never felt this kind of simultaneous excitement and composure. I love that when we are together, you always have the most beautiful smile on your face. I love loving you. I love being loved by you. I love that we have so many plans to do things already, but we also have the rest of our lives to make more plans and do more things. I’ve never been able to see and feel so far into the future and be completely comfortable with all of the possibilities that could entail... and I am so looking forward to our matching flannel shirts, and snow, and coffee, and dogs, and all of the love that we will share!!!!!!!!!

I can’t wait to try our first joke burger... and to see it all play out. I’m leaving work at 3 on Friday, so I should be able to stop home and let the dogs pee, and probably make it to you even before 5!!!

I was hoping for rain in the morning so I had a good excuse not to run (because I would row instead). Tomorrow’s workout is 100 GHD sit-ups/12 Rope Climbs/1 mile Run... I should probably get some rest. I should also just run, so I don’t embarrass myself when we go for runs together. I saw two guys running at the park today and I said to Megan... “See this is why I don’t run... those guys look like tools”... I don’t look like a tool.... I just look like i’m going to die :)

I love you... and I’m going to say goodnight to you on Facebook. Sleep tight beautiful. xoxo

[thecoroutfitters]

How self-sufficient are you? Do you grow any of your own foods, or at least cook your own meals from scratch?

If not, you’re dependent on the grocery store for survival and you’re eating foods that may be killing you.

And you’re definitely spending way more than you should be on food.

But how can you change all of that?

The following scenario probably describes many people’s day, at least part of the time:

They come home from work, drop their stuff on the couch, grab a bag of chips and a soda, and relax on the couch. Later, they have a microwaved TV dinner, then, before bed, a few Oreos and a glass of cold milk that you didn’t have to extract from the cow. As a matter of fact, they have no idea where that cow even lives.

Sounds familiar? Of course it does. I just described at least one day in many people’s life, if not an average day. None of that would have been possible before 1910, because that’s when food started being processed commercially. And they would have been healthier because of it.

I’m not saying that we have to – or even should – give up all modern foods, unless we want to, of course. But I am saying that we can save a ton of money – a hundred dollars a month or more per person – and be much healthier, even if we just make simple changes in our shopping and cooking habits.

Delicious, home-cooked food shouldn’t be a treat that you indulge in, or are lucky enough to have cooked for you sometimes. It should be a regular part of your daily diet. It should actually be the other way around – you should eat fresh, homemade food most of the time and, if you must, eat processed foods occasionally.

It’s not nearly as hard as you might think to eat tasty, chemical-free food, and you can even grow it if you want, no matter where you live!

How? Glad you asked. Let’s talk about seven ways that you save money, eat better-tasting foods, and take a few more steps toward food independence.

Discover the golden days’ practice for getting all you can eat food without buying from the supermarket

1. Don’t Buy Too Much

How many times have you thrown away an entire package of meat of box of strawberries because they went bad before you ate them? Maybe they got lost in the back of the fridge, or you just bought way too much food.

Either way, you may as well have thrown that money right out the window on the way home from the grocery store.

You can avoid this by shopping smarter.

Only shop for a few days at a time. Buy a week’s worth of food per trip, maximum.

Make a list, especially for perishable foods and stick to it.

Eat before you go to the store. Whatever you do, don’t go shopping when you’re hungry because everything will look delicious and you’ll over buy.

Don’t impulse-buy. Placing delicious-looking temptations at the ends of aisles and beside the register is a marketing ploy used to trick you into buying things that you weren’t planning on.

Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. There are very few good things to be found in the center aisles other than oils and maybe canned fruits and vegetables.

2. Skip the Convenience Foods

It’s great to buy shredded cheese and pre-cut veggies but it usually costs a whole lot more than if you did it yourself. This isn’t always the case because sometimes, such as in the case of broccoli bunches versus crowns, you’re paying per pound, and you can’t really eat the entire stem, so the crowns may work out to be cheaper.

However, the bagged broccoli is always going to be more expensive than either the crowns or bunches.

3. More Isn’t Always Better

Another marketing trick that grocery stores use is to reduce the price if you buy more.

For instance, something may cost 3.99, but they’ll put it on sale at two for $7. If you’ll actually use two of them, then buy them both, but if you’re only doing it to “save” money, then pass. You’re actually spending more money for food that will go bad.

Use that money to buy another item on your list.

4. Learn How to Make Food for Yourself

Did you know that you can make butter and cottage cheese from cream, or that you can a few different cheeses and yogurt at home for a fraction of the cost of what you’ll pay for it at the store?

Cheese and butter are both crazy expensive, so by learning how to make it for yourself, you’ll save money, eat a higher quality food, and be one step closer to food independence. Plus, making cheese is fun!

Rediscover the sweet, delicious taste of healthy, natural food just like we used to get in the old days!

5. Shop at the Farmers Market

We have several farmers markets around here, but only a couple of them are really worth going to. The others have gotten so commercial that you may as well buy stuff in the grocery store. You’d think that if I went to a farmers market here in Florida, then the produce would be from Florida, right? Not always.

That being said, the produce that I buy in the grocery store isn’t typically from here, either, so I’m still saving money if I pay less for it at the farmers market. Plus, I get to meet local artisans and pick up a trick or two from them.

Now that we’re done with the tips, I’d like to go the extra mile here and give you some simple, and extremely useful ideas that can help you cut processed foods out of your diet starting today.

Make Food from Scratch

This isn’t as hard as you may think it is. Delicious sauces may seem mysterious, but believe it or not, most of them are simple – and cheap – to make.

For instance, a rustic Italian sauce can be as simple as a can of tomatoes (or freshly chopped ones), some mushrooms, garlic, basil, oregano, salt, and pepper. Cheese sauce is just flour, milk, salt, pepper, and cheese.

See, that’s not so hard, right? And both of them are cheaper, tastier, and healthier than their processed counterparts.

Consider Growing Your Own Food

This doesn’t mean that you have to grow a 5-acre garden, but just growing a few of your own vegetables can save you an enormous amount of money.

For instance, I just started 30 bell pepper plants for about $3. That’s less than I’d pay for three peppers at the store. I’ll eat them fresh and I’ll use more to make sauces and salsas. And that’s just one vegetable!

And if you live in a small place, you can still grow at least some of your food. For instance, you can grow almost any vegetable in a container. You can vertical garden, and you can even get the most out of your space by growing food upside down.

With all that being said, how much money you should be spending on food? The answer is – only as much as you absolutely have to. If you can make it yourself, then do so. Processed foods didn’t become widely popular until the 40s or 50s, so our grandparents or great-grandparents grew to adulthood without ever eating a bite of “processed cheese food” or cheese curls.

I’m certainly not telling you to give up cheese curls (though you really should), but make processed foods a smaller part of your diet. Get back to the way our ancestors ate. Learn the skills that you’ll need to feed yourself and take control of your wallet, and of what you put into your body.

Even if cooking isn’t something that you particularly enjoy, you have to eat. And it’s entirely possible that even if you don’t like to cook, you may learn to love it once you figure out how easy it is.

If not, maybe you’ll enjoy gardening, or making cheese, or whatever else you decide to do to save grocery bucks, eat more healthfully, and gain food independence. You can find them all in a book on going back to eating the way that our ancestors did!

This article has been written by Theresa Crouse for Survivopedia. 

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[trendingnewsb]

Read This and You'll Find Healthier Ways to Satisfy That Sweet Tooth of Yours!

We have all been there: you have just started a diet in an attempt to lose weight and feel better, but it seems as soon as you decide to eat less sugar and more vegetables, someone walks by you with a gourmet cupcake or a sugary coffee drink. All at once, your willpower is gone and you give in to the temptation.

If this has happened to you, then you have probably experienced the attitude of: I’ll do better tomorrow! But did you? Probably not. And that is largely because sugar is addicting.

Not figuratively. Literally. Sugar is classified as an addictive substance, and it contributes to thousands of deaths every year[1]. Before we learn how to avoid sugar, let’s be clear about something: there are good sugars and there are bad sugars.

Bad sugars are what your body does not require in order to be healthy. Good sugars are necessary and contribute to a healthy body. These are found in fruits and milk. But remember, you don’t need to eat a ton of natural sugar to be “healthy.” More on that later.

Why do we crave sugar?

For the most part, the intense desire for sugar is caused by all sorts of things happening in your body, and rarely do those things involve a need.

1. You are hungry.

I know, I know. Duh. But I don’t mean you crave sugar because you’re hungry and a cupcake would really hit the spot. I mean your body is hungry and is desperate for you to feed it something[2]! So what does it do? Your stomach alerts your brain that you need something to fuel you and you need it to be processed quickly. That usually means you crave carbs/sugars. After all, when your stomach is growling loudly enough for the people next door to hear, the last thing you feel like doing is preparing a gourmet salad.

2. We are hard-wired to ingest sugar.

Our oldest ancestors survived by eating sugary fruits[3]. This was an ideal snack because it provided energy but also helped to store fat. This was handy when it came time to go on very long hunting excursions for their next meal.

But now-a-days, we aren’t hunting for our food, and we don’t need to stay warm in our caves. Yet we are still holding on to the craving for sugar.

3. You ate too much salt.

This is the culprit for me, personally. When you dine out or eat packaged foods, you’re ingesting a ton of sodium. For me, I crave sugar every time I eat chips and salsa or tacos/burritos. For a long time I thought it was just a quirk that after eating Mexican food I wanted ice cream or cookies, but the truth was that my body was reacting to all the sodium. The saltier the food, the bigger your sweet tooth becomes. This goes back to our ancient drive to find sugar; our ancestors had to have variety in their diet, and now our bodies crave variety in the form of tastes and textures[4].

And too much sugar is really, really bad.

Sure, if we eat a bowl of ice cream for every meal we are going to gain weight, but too much sugar is actually a lot more dangerous than you may realize. Remember earlier when I mentioned sugar caused thousands of deaths? Well, it’s true.

People whose dietary calories come from 25% sugar have a higher risk of dying from cardiovascular diseases. In 2010, more than 133,000 deaths from diabetes, 45,000 deaths from cardiovascular diseases…were reported in more than 50 countries. All of these diseases were related to sugar intake[5].

As if death wasn’t a big enough consequence of eating too much sugar, it can also have a really detrimental impact on your waist line. Because the body interprets a lack of sugar as a deficiency, our bodies crave sugar and fat. Often times though, those foods our cravings lead us to eat are filled with empty calories and very little nutrition, leaving us hungry and unfulfilled. This causes even more cravings! Talk about a vicious cycle.

So how can you combat sugar cravings and make healthier choices?

As I’m driving home from work, if I’m not listening to a podcast, I listen to local radio. And it never fails: I always hear an advertisement for some local company promising they know the secret to losing weight, to cutting out sugar, to looking great. And while that may sound awesome, it usually comes with a price tag and a lot of disclaimers. The tips below are free, healthy and don’t require any kind of contract.

Here’s how you can fight your cravings in an instant.

1. Chew gum, especially sugar-free ones!

I know it seems like a lame recommendation, but I’m telling you, this is my go-to! Research has proven that chewing gum can reduce food cravings. I’m no scientist, but to me it makes a lot of sense; a lot of times when you start craving junk food, it’s because you’re bored. Chewing gum is a great way to distract yourself while also feeling like you’re doing something[6].

2. Take a stroll down the street.

This is a win-win. You’re getting a little exercise, but you’re also avoiding those frustrating cravings. It’s all about a scenery change to get your mind off how bad you want the muffin your favorite coffee shop just posted on Instagram.

3. Grab a green apple or any fruits you like to have a sweet bite.

Fruit is full of healthy sugars (but that doesn’t mean you should eat a ton of fruit. Sugar is still sugar at the end of the day!). Keep a granny smith apple handy at home/school/work and eat that when you feel a sugar craving coming on. You get a little sweetness, but you also get fiber and vitamins that a cookie wouldn’t provide.

You also need to think about cutting your sugar intake in the long run.

1. Compromise by combining sugar with healthy food.

Combining foods can be a great way to slowly acclimate to cutting more and more sugar out of your diet. For instance, if you love chocolate, snack on some dark chocolate covered almonds. You’ll get your sugar fix, but you also added a healthy food. Progress! The end goal is to stop that sugar craving entirely, so finding ways to take baby steps toward that goal is helpful.

2. Substitute your sugar cravings with something healthy (in a sneaky way).

When I crave sugar, I crave the sweet smell and taste. I usually have no idea what the actual sugar content amount is. If I get a scone from the cafe down the street, it doesn’t include nutrition facts. A great way to get that sugary fix without all the sugar is to go for something naturally sweet out of habit. I like to get something sweet almost every day around 2:00. Why? That seems to be when I hit my metaphorical wall. The sugar gets me through the end of the day. But instead, if I went for a naturally sweet tea like apple spice or vanilla almond (calorie free and all-natural), I would get the mental fix that I feel sugar provides, without the guilt and fat!

3. Control your salty servings as well.

When trying to change your long-term eating habits, portion control is key. Figure out what is best for you, but start out with a lean protein, a healthy fat (think: avocados, olive or coconut oil), big serving of vegetables. Notice what’s missing? Carbs. This is because carbs turn into sugar and that’s what we are trying to avoid!

4. Go online and find recipes to make your own healthy snacks.

If you really feel like you have to feel like you’re enjoying a sweet snack, consult Pinterest for healthy recipe options that use natural maple syrup, honey, and other natural sweeteners. This involves pre-planning and effort, but if you make it a habit to keep healthy options on hand, it will never feel overwhelming[7].

5. Treat yourself every while and then and indulge thoughtfully.

Lastly, as you begin to cut sugar out of your every day life, you will inevitably experience moments of intense weakness in which you have to have something sweet or you will explode. When those times happen, if you really can’t talk yourself out of them, follow Susan Moores, MS, RD and registered dietitian’s advice and indulge. The catch? choose quality, not quantity. Rather than sitting down with a whole case of oreos, pick a decadent treat and savor every single bite.

Reference

[1]^Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures[2]^Keri Glassman: 4 Reasons Why You Have Sugar Cravings[3]^Business Insider: An Evolutionary Explanation For Why We Crave Sugar[4]^Women’s Health: Q&A: Why Do I Crave Sweets After Eating Something Salty?[5]^Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures[6]^WebMD: 13 Ways to Fight Sugar Cravings[7]^SheKnows: What those crazy sugar cravings are really trying to tell you

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from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2sK6UfF via Viral News HQ

[trendingnewsb]

Read This and You'll Find Healthier Ways to Satisfy That Sweet Tooth of Yours!

We have all been there: you have just started a diet in an attempt to lose weight and feel better, but it seems as soon as you decide to eat less sugar and more vegetables, someone walks by you with a gourmet cupcake or a sugary coffee drink. All at once, your willpower is gone and you give in to the temptation.

If this has happened to you, then you have probably experienced the attitude of: I’ll do better tomorrow! But did you? Probably not. And that is largely because sugar is addicting.

Not figuratively. Literally. Sugar is classified as an addictive substance, and it contributes to thousands of deaths every year[1]. Before we learn how to avoid sugar, let’s be clear about something: there are good sugars and there are bad sugars.

Bad sugars are what your body does not require in order to be healthy. Good sugars are necessary and contribute to a healthy body. These are found in fruits and milk. But remember, you don’t need to eat a ton of natural sugar to be “healthy.” More on that later.

Why do we crave sugar?

For the most part, the intense desire for sugar is caused by all sorts of things happening in your body, and rarely do those things involve a need.

1. You are hungry.

I know, I know. Duh. But I don’t mean you crave sugar because you’re hungry and a cupcake would really hit the spot. I mean your body is hungry and is desperate for you to feed it something[2]! So what does it do? Your stomach alerts your brain that you need something to fuel you and you need it to be processed quickly. That usually means you crave carbs/sugars. After all, when your stomach is growling loudly enough for the people next door to hear, the last thing you feel like doing is preparing a gourmet salad.

2. We are hard-wired to ingest sugar.

Our oldest ancestors survived by eating sugary fruits[3]. This was an ideal snack because it provided energy but also helped to store fat. This was handy when it came time to go on very long hunting excursions for their next meal.

But now-a-days, we aren’t hunting for our food, and we don’t need to stay warm in our caves. Yet we are still holding on to the craving for sugar.

3. You ate too much salt.

This is the culprit for me, personally. When you dine out or eat packaged foods, you’re ingesting a ton of sodium. For me, I crave sugar every time I eat chips and salsa or tacos/burritos. For a long time I thought it was just a quirk that after eating Mexican food I wanted ice cream or cookies, but the truth was that my body was reacting to all the sodium. The saltier the food, the bigger your sweet tooth becomes. This goes back to our ancient drive to find sugar; our ancestors had to have variety in their diet, and now our bodies crave variety in the form of tastes and textures[4].

And too much sugar is really, really bad.

Sure, if we eat a bowl of ice cream for every meal we are going to gain weight, but too much sugar is actually a lot more dangerous than you may realize. Remember earlier when I mentioned sugar caused thousands of deaths? Well, it’s true.

People whose dietary calories come from 25% sugar have a higher risk of dying from cardiovascular diseases. In 2010, more than 133,000 deaths from diabetes, 45,000 deaths from cardiovascular diseases…were reported in more than 50 countries. All of these diseases were related to sugar intake[5].

As if death wasn’t a big enough consequence of eating too much sugar, it can also have a really detrimental impact on your waist line. Because the body interprets a lack of sugar as a deficiency, our bodies crave sugar and fat. Often times though, those foods our cravings lead us to eat are filled with empty calories and very little nutrition, leaving us hungry and unfulfilled. This causes even more cravings! Talk about a vicious cycle.

So how can you combat sugar cravings and make healthier choices?

As I’m driving home from work, if I’m not listening to a podcast, I listen to local radio. And it never fails: I always hear an advertisement for some local company promising they know the secret to losing weight, to cutting out sugar, to looking great. And while that may sound awesome, it usually comes with a price tag and a lot of disclaimers. The tips below are free, healthy and don’t require any kind of contract.

Here’s how you can fight your cravings in an instant.

1. Chew gum, especially sugar-free ones!

I know it seems like a lame recommendation, but I’m telling you, this is my go-to! Research has proven that chewing gum can reduce food cravings. I’m no scientist, but to me it makes a lot of sense; a lot of times when you start craving junk food, it’s because you’re bored. Chewing gum is a great way to distract yourself while also feeling like you’re doing something[6].

2. Take a stroll down the street.

This is a win-win. You’re getting a little exercise, but you’re also avoiding those frustrating cravings. It’s all about a scenery change to get your mind off how bad you want the muffin your favorite coffee shop just posted on Instagram.

3. Grab a green apple or any fruits you like to have a sweet bite.

Fruit is full of healthy sugars (but that doesn’t mean you should eat a ton of fruit. Sugar is still sugar at the end of the day!). Keep a granny smith apple handy at home/school/work and eat that when you feel a sugar craving coming on. You get a little sweetness, but you also get fiber and vitamins that a cookie wouldn’t provide.

You also need to think about cutting your sugar intake in the long run.

1. Compromise by combining sugar with healthy food.

Combining foods can be a great way to slowly acclimate to cutting more and more sugar out of your diet. For instance, if you love chocolate, snack on some dark chocolate covered almonds. You’ll get your sugar fix, but you also added a healthy food. Progress! The end goal is to stop that sugar craving entirely, so finding ways to take baby steps toward that goal is helpful.

2. Substitute your sugar cravings with something healthy (in a sneaky way).

When I crave sugar, I crave the sweet smell and taste. I usually have no idea what the actual sugar content amount is. If I get a scone from the cafe down the street, it doesn’t include nutrition facts. A great way to get that sugary fix without all the sugar is to go for something naturally sweet out of habit. I like to get something sweet almost every day around 2:00. Why? That seems to be when I hit my metaphorical wall. The sugar gets me through the end of the day. But instead, if I went for a naturally sweet tea like apple spice or vanilla almond (calorie free and all-natural), I would get the mental fix that I feel sugar provides, without the guilt and fat!

3. Control your salty servings as well.

When trying to change your long-term eating habits, portion control is key. Figure out what is best for you, but start out with a lean protein, a healthy fat (think: avocados, olive or coconut oil), big serving of vegetables. Notice what’s missing? Carbs. This is because carbs turn into sugar and that’s what we are trying to avoid!

4. Go online and find recipes to make your own healthy snacks.

If you really feel like you have to feel like you’re enjoying a sweet snack, consult Pinterest for healthy recipe options that use natural maple syrup, honey, and other natural sweeteners. This involves pre-planning and effort, but if you make it a habit to keep healthy options on hand, it will never feel overwhelming[7].

5. Treat yourself every while and then and indulge thoughtfully.

Lastly, as you begin to cut sugar out of your every day life, you will inevitably experience moments of intense weakness in which you have to have something sweet or you will explode. When those times happen, if you really can’t talk yourself out of them, follow Susan Moores, MS, RD and registered dietitian’s advice and indulge. The catch? choose quality, not quantity. Rather than sitting down with a whole case of oreos, pick a decadent treat and savor every single bite.

Reference

[1]^Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures[2]^Keri Glassman: 4 Reasons Why You Have Sugar Cravings[3]^Business Insider: An Evolutionary Explanation For Why We Crave Sugar[4]^Women’s Health: Q&A: Why Do I Crave Sweets After Eating Something Salty?[5]^Addiction Resource: Sugar Addiction: Facts and Figures[6]^WebMD: 13 Ways to Fight Sugar Cravings[7]^SheKnows: What those crazy sugar cravings are really trying to tell you

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