#also disclaimer: a lot of the questions were family oriented which is how i feel he got a hero quality AT ALL.

[helldaddv]

WHAT TYPE OF HERO ARE YOU?

ANTI-HERO 77%: You are the Anti-Hero. The Anti-Hero is a flawed and usually cynical character who fits the role of a hero in the story, but sometimes doesn't act exactly heroic. Anti-Heroes tend not to trust people...and sometimes, people can't trust them, either.

68% tragic hero

36% conflicted hero

36% lovable rogue

34% unwilling hero

17% willing hero

TAGGED BY: @ofmisthios ♥ TAGGING: IDK SOBS.

[dgmovies]

Jeon Jungkook: Recommendations Masterlist (ONE SHOTS)

✨Welcome to my world✨

I’m just gonna throw this on the internet for y'all. Here are a lot of fics I've collected over the past couple of years of BTS JUNGKOOK. So enjoy :) Idk if all the links work. Some works may have been deleted already. Also, some info might be missing. *Disclaimer: English is not my first language.* Tags: © = My personal favorite, F = Fluff, A = Angst, S = Smut

BTS Navigation -> click here

*Updated: 23-01-2022*

After Dark – @seokoloqy (S, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 8.2k

Summary: Jungkook has served the royal family for generations, seen them live and die countless times. When it comes to you, he can’t watch you wither away too, but your lust for one another makes it harder and harder to stay apart. (Vampire!Jungkook, Knight!Jungkook)

An unexpected visit – @niceu-paprika

’A Short” Abstinece – @seokie (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 6.2k

Summary: Maybe blue-balling your boyfriend (who has an insanely high sexual drive) wasn’t the best idea.

Beauty And The Beast – @guksthighs (©, S, F, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 11,6k

Summary: When you were dragged to the beast’s castle you were expecting to be locked away, not to be greeted by luxury and the mysterious boy who you must sleep with every night - maybe it’s all just part of the curse.

Best Of Me – @cityoffandoms-yjn20

Brother’s Best Friend – @lavishedinjimin

By it’s cover – @gimmesumsuga ©

Calculated – @whatifyoulivelikethat (S)

Status: Completed (1 Chapter + Follow-up)

Word Count: ?

Summary: Some people would call you far too serious. Some would call you stuck-up. And some would call you a bitch. But to freshman Jeon Jungkook, you’re the head Calculus I TA noona  – and he’s determined to fuck you.

Case Closed – @tayegi

Chasing Butterflies - @ddaenggtan ©

Status: Completed

Word count: 12.8k

Summary: You never meant to be a jock in school. The volleyball team had just needed people and you were there and then you had a knack for it. You just happened to be good at it and went with it. Similar to how you saw Jeon Jungkook in your friend’s orientation group and thought he was absolutely radiant and just went with it. For two years, you’ve spent the entire time pining from afar, mostly because you always seem to make a fool of yourself when he’s around. But also because Jungkook is part of that exclusive crowd, the ones that you never can seem to penetrate: the weebs. That is until your friends get sick of your hopeless pining and decide to do something about it.

Cold-hearted – @peachyvhope ©

Come Over - @bratkook (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 7.2k

Summary: The guilt of being a dirty peeping tom eats Jungkook alive, not knowing this was all part of your elaborate plan to sleep with the new neighborhood eye candy.

Concealed Weapon – @gimmesumsuga

Diamond In The Rough – @kimvtae

Dynasty - @jimlingss (©, S, F, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 17.4k

Summary: It’s no secret that the Emperor is infertile. But even so, a girl is selected every three months and brought to become his concubine in hopes of conceiving the next heir. This time, it’s you. And in order to prevent execution, Jeon Jungkook might just aid you in conception.

Employee Perks – @chiminiemoans

Exchanges – @cupofteaguk ©

Exchange Student – @jiminsmagicshop

Extra Cheese, Please! – @vankoya

Fallen – @jungkooksthighsinc

Falling Skies – @fortunexkookie

Feels Like Summer - @badbhye (S, F, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 16.6k

Summary: You only have one question on your mind this summer: When did Jeon Jungkook get abs?

Five Dates – @kpopfanfictrash (©, F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 17.6k

Summary: “Ten dates,” he nods, smile tugging at his lips. “Ten dates, to decide if you want this – want me – or want me to go. Ten dates to get to know me. Ten dates,” he says, oddly soft, “to fall in love with me.” Which then become five (Arranged Marriage!AU).

Gardenia – @minsprings (©, F, S, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 9,3k

Summary: You’re doomed to pine after your own betrothed, a fact you can’t even lament when you’re preparing to ascend the throne of the kingdom of Gardenia. (Royalty!AU, ArrangedMarriage!AU, EnemiesToLovers!AU)

Get Even – @egois-joon (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 9,3k

Summary: For as long as you could remember you strongly disliked Jungkook. No matter how hard you tried you just couldn’t bring yourself to adore him as much as everyone else did and in return he couldn’t bring himself to tolerate your attitude like everyone else did. But, one day you allow your intolerance to take it too far, and Jungkook doesn’t plan on letting you get away with it.

Heartbreak Trials – @dreamyjoons (©, F, S, A)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 13,8k

Summary: It all started with a bet: the one with the highest body count would get the most illustrious prize - Namjoon’s bedroom. For you and Jungkook, the race was on.

Hit My Balls – @guksthings

If This Ain’t Love – @sanduction (©, F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 13,7k

Summary: Turns out you really were a loser when it came to realizing the feelings your arch-nemesis was harboring towards you since he was… well, two. OR In which you drunkenly fuck the living daylights out of Jeon Jungkook and pretend to forget every last bit of it. (E2F2L!AU)

In Bloom – @tayegi

Inkling – @gguksgalaxy (©, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 17.7k

Summary: Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?

Irresistible – @jungkxook

It Starts And Ends With You – @zienth

I Wish I Missed My Ex – @in-theory ©

Jasmine – @btssmutgalore ©

Jeon – @mywrittings

Just friends – @kinktae ©

Knot Today – @kinktae (F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 5.8k

Summary: When your first heat approaches and you are left desperate and partnerless, who better to turn to than your alpha roommate that you’ve spent the better half of your life hiding your feelings for? (Werewolf!AU, ABO!AU, F2L!AU)

Last Christmas – @holysuga

Love & Other Four-Letter Words – @diortae (F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: Things are going good for Jeongguk, maybe even great. loose ends are being tied, his life is beginning to have some semblance of an order, and he’s got you—his best friend of three years—by his side the whole way through. but the universe loves nothing more than throwing wrenches in plans. and this particular wrench comes in the form of you getting a boyfriend. (College!AU, F2L!AU)

Lowkey – @joonbird (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 6.2k

Summary: Jungkook is the nude model for your arts school’s life drawing class.

Maintenance – @angstchim

Microwave (Mis)adventures – @bymoonchild©

Milestone – @koo1aid

More Than Friends – @gothgukk

New Rules – @tayegi ©

Offside – @daddychims

Only You – @boratae ( S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: “You and your fellow snow leopard hybrid Jungkook had been friends for years. Mating season is coming and with it the yearly struggle of hanging out with Jungkook without giving in to the primal urges of wanting to rip the clothes off his perfect body. Oh, if only he wanted you too...” (Hybrid!AU, SnowLeopard!Jungkook, SnowLeopard!Reader)

Overdrive – @junqkook

Overtime – @cupofteaguk

Pacific Blue – @sincerelyourfangirl ©

Periculum – @baeseoul

Playing To Win (Ft. Taehyung) – @tayegi (©, S, F?)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 8,7k

Summary: You are going to have to put your disliking towards your friend’s friend aside for his birthday. (FWB!Taehyung, PolyFWB!Taekook)

Project Promiscuity – @seokkgenie ©

Proposals - @pjxmin

Ring – @tayegi

Serendipity – @rohobi ©

Sex Education - @extravaguk (F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 12k

Summary: "You want me to... what?" Jungkook chokes on his croissant, and how could he fucking not, with you looking at him with those pleading eyes, asking for something that he knows would get him into jail. Well, maybe not like actual jail. But definitely the Bro Code Jail. The jail where only bros who broke the Bro code went to.

Shower Duets – @intobangtan

Snow And Ice – @hayjeon

Starboy – @sugaxjpg

Symmetry - @ddaenysus (©, S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 10k

Summary: Both of you being from rival houses; the smirk that jungkook seemed to throw in your direction every shared class did nothing for your disdain towards him. As far as you were concerned, he was arrogant and childish; You just wished he wasn’t so damn good in bed.

Tachycardia – @hoseokiehopie ©

Temptation – @aiimaginesbts

The 21 pact – @bbhmyg ©

The Art Of War More – @kpopfanfictrash (©, F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 42.4k

Summary: Jeon Jungkook had messed with you for the last time. That was what you thought when the hockey team – led by the insufferable Jungkook – kicked your dance team out again from your reserved room at the gym. In retaliation, you planned a prank of epic proportions and were caught in the act by none other than Jungkook himself. Before the rift between you could grow any deeper, you accidentally overheard something you were not meant to hear. Something which overshadowed even your heated rivalry. Faced with the choice between obvious wrong and teaming up with your worst enemy – you reluctantly chose the latter. But what will you do when feelings you once thought of as hatred become something decidedly… not? 9E2L!Au, College!AU)

The Devil’s Change Up – @jungblue

The truth – @picficskpopstyle

The Quest To Bedding The Lead Singer Of Frontman – @kpopfanfictrash (©, F, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 9,6k

Summary: Frontman is your favorite band in the world and honestly, the only reason you waited this long in line is to stand at the front for a shot with the lead singer. Enter sexy sound boy, who just won’t leave you alone. (punk!Jungkook)

Third Degree Burn – @winetae ©

Tinder 2.0 – @tayegi (©, S, F?)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 19,1k

Summary: Signing in for a sex app seems like the best way to relieve some stress. However, it turns out that you’ve matched with your arch nemesis and work rival, Jeon Jungkook. The catch? Neither of you can get out until you’ve both had orgasms. (Have-sex-or-die!AU ? )

Vaunt – @yminie ©

What’s Mine Is Mine - @avveh (©, S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 19,1k

Summary: You caught his eye from day one. As far as Jungkook was concerned, you were always meant to be his.

You Belong With Me – @analovegirl

Youngblood - @jinitude (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 14,6k

Summary: “I don’t care if he’s got the potential to be the next big thing. I’m done trying to chase a story that doesn’t exist. The kid is a wet leaf left on the curb to dry and crumble into pieces the next day. You’re going to send me to five of his concerts and I can already tell you how each one is going to go. He’s a wannabe bad boy who jizzes his pants when he sees a girl looking at him. Assign me someone else.” (Rockstar!Jungkook, Journalist!Reader)

[aroclawthornes]

Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

[listless-brainrot]

Hi! I know you love Haru and I'd love to hear your thoughts on what his personality is like? Not his bending or his ships, but just what kind of person he is. He was super undeveloped in ATLA and I'd love to understand him better and write about him!

hey, i'm glad you asked!! super flattering to have you come to me in regards to this question, and i've analyzed this guy to hell and back over the course of nearly a year now, so i'd be more than happy to give you my characterization of him

granted, it's pretty lengthy, and is heavily based on canon, hence why a lot of it ties to his bending, but i'll try my best to make it so that it's more about haru as a person, rather than his service to the plot

also makes me super happy to hear that people do want to understand and write about him!! that really does mean the world to me particularly, so thank you <3

with all of this in mind, here's a collection of my (pretty lengthy, sorry about that) thoughts:

haru being super undeveloped is actually one of the reasons why i find him so compelling- there’s so much you can do with a character of his caliber because there’s not much canon/supplementary material that can discredit your characterizations. canon, however, does actually supply a characterization of him that i’ve managed to compile and accrue over the course of finding nearly every single little detail i can find pertaining to him. this includes his canon episodes in both book 1 and 3, the videogame he appears in (which is straight up called avatar: the last airbender), and even the silly shorts.

(mild disclaimer, i know full well that the latter two i mentioned are considered non canon, but i like incorporating little bits and pieces of what they have to offer, as i don’t really have any other options. also, the videogames are the only supplementary material where he’s treated as a part of the gaang, so it’s the most personality you’ll ever get.)

i’ll start with main characteristics i try to keep in mind when writing him, and then talk about smaller, more innocuous details that i just find particularly fitting for him.

haru is:

emotionally driven. a lot of his decisions are more driven by emotion, rather than logic. this ties in with his impulsivity and morality. he’s aggravated by his position in the village as the only earthbender left, and this culminates into him still bending discreetly despite the inherent risk. he does this not only for himself, but to preserve the (possibly only) emotional connection he has to his arrested father. this is a similarity he shares with katara, who’s emotionally tied to her mother due to losing her, and haru is the one to understand what that loss really means in this interaction: “this necklace is all i have left of her.” “it’s not enough, is it?” by saying this instead of an apology or some other response, he shows that the feeling of loss she’s experiencing is mutually understood in a way that goes beyond just sympathy. there is nothing that will replace who you’ve lost other than the person themselves, and he understand that more than anyone. it’s also implied that haru doesn’t know if his father is still alive, as no one knows where the prisoners go, but it’s clear that he still holds a sort of hope that he’s somewhere out there, and that keeps him going. it just takes a little bit of outside influence for him to fully believe in that, as well as being reunited with his father again. in general, he’s also pretty receptive of other’s emotions, and is quick to come to their aid.

impulsive. not just impulsive, either- he’s got anger and resentment lying beneath his quiet composure. it’s not as bad as characters such as zuko’s, but it’s still worth mentioning. i’ll mention the impulse part first, though- generally speaking, haru reacts faster than he thinks. upon being spotted practicing his bending by katara, he runs away without pausing to consider the harmful repercussions of being found out (nor followed home). he not only runs away from danger as a first instinct, he also runs towards it in some cases, ironically enough- he’s the first one to notice and immediately run towards the mines once he hears/sees the explosion and suspects that someone’s in trouble. he does this without any prompting by katara, even if the act of actually saving the old man needed some egging on from her in order for him to accomplish. his impulsivity comes to a head in the form of his most dangerous act- him attacking the warden. i’ve already elaborated on that specific interaction here, though i will once again emphasize that haru had absolutely no plans past attacking the warden based on his body language, further fueling the idea that this was just a split second decision, one made on nothing but complete and utter impulse. to bring the anger aspect into this, he’s also unable to hold his tongue and insults the fire nation soldiers and even his town once the former leaves, and his instincts swing wildly between running and fighting on a dime with little in-between.

adaptable. instead of completely shutting down in the face of such a negative situation (and over the course of five years, no less), he brings it upon himself to practice bending, accept his role as man of the house and work in both the shop and on the farm, and other responsibilities that go unmentioned, especially when taking into account that his father is apparently the leader of his village. this is where you could start paralleling him well to sokka, which i have done before, but i will make this more haru-oriented. there is definitely a lot more to be inferred with this particular aspect of him, but i will say that it takes someone of strong will to adapt to the situations presented in his episode, and learning to live with the grim reality of fire nation occupation. to run down what we see again- soldiers freely patrolling the villages, soldiers overtaxing the villagers, soldiers entering wherever they wish unannounced, soldiers stealing away people in the night without much resistance, soldiers forcing villagers to work in the coal mines to gather the coal needed for their ships, and soldiers forcing captured earthbenders to build fire nation ships. this is all off of the top of my head, so i could be missing a lot, but again, seeing haru still be as morally oriented and determined as he is after all of this, it’s pretty impressive and telling of his adaptive capabilities. to take this one step further, he’s also extremely adaptable when it comes to working with others, as in the games he fills his role as a necessary component of the gaang without conflicting sokka or other preexisting roles, and in book 3, he finds his place amongst teo and the duke, taking the most initiative amongst the three.

lonely. a snippet from his personality bio on avatarspirit.net calls him “lonely and brave”, and i think that’s especially fitting for his character. he only had his mom for five whole years after every other earthbender was taken away, and this is without mentioning the ostracization he faced simply being one, given how the fire nation constantly demoralizes his country’s benders and likens them to savages. the village he lives in also appears to be full of old folks, so it’s not very likely that he had friends his age that were even in town, especially if we consider the circumstances of following book 2 episodes with the earth army recruiters. (it’s also unlikely that his friends are alive if they did join the army- take a gander at this line from zuko alone: Gow: Just thought someone ought to tell you, your son's battalion got captured. You boys hear what the Fire Nation did with their last group of Earth Kingdom prisoners? Soldier: Dressed them up in Fire Nation uniforms and put them on the frontline unarmed, way I heard it.  Then they just watched.) furthermore, it’s not likely that haru could’ve left his little village prior to its occupation- the games imply he’d been to omashu previously, but the circumstances of the war make this unlikely, unless he was super young. given his not always pleasant attitude and sullen expression we sometimes see him with, it’s not hard to imagine that the effects of him being so alone without the connections he needs has affected him deeply.

some other things:

-he’s horrible at lying (”they’re crazy! i mean, just look at how they’re dressed” is that really the best excuse you could’ve come up with??). -he doesn’t like keeping his hands/arms still (arms are usually crossed, sometimes gestures as he talks, hands usually balled as if expecting a fight). -he’s pretty outwardly expressive (for someone who’s supposed to be hiding most of the time, he tends to wear his emotions/intentions on his sleeve). -he can’t bite his tongue (especially when it comes to something that goes against his personal beliefs). -he doesn’t know how to react to touch (katara hugging him takes him by surprise both times, and he doesn’t reciprocate often, if anything he reacts stiffly) -he’s particular about his appearance (notably in the games, he makes negative comments about people touching his hair, and there’s also. sokka’s comments in book 3. sigh.) -he’s considered dangerous/sensitive by others (note sokka’s comments in book 1, and katara’s comments in the school time shipping short) -he lives a busy personal life (works both in the family shop and on the family farm, and has probably had to work in the coal mines at some point, though this is speculative) -he’s not above poking/having fun (in the games, he’s not above making fun of sokka and his comments about benders, and jumps at the opportunity to ride the omashu mail chutes) -he’s family oriented (count how many times he talks about his parents, it is many times i assure you, it’s important to note that he’s one of the few atla characters to actually have both parents as well as a decent relationship with them) -he has a tendency to idealize. he talks about his father fighting against the fire nation even when horribly outnumbered. it wouldn’t be surprising if he idealized the ideal of rebellion (which would later bite him given that:) -he’s a part of the first successful earth kingdom rebellion. this is mentioned on the wiki, and is unfortunately not shown in the show. it should’ve been, though. -he’s dramatic. he has an entire cliff he brings katara up to just to be dramatic and spill his sad backstory. he needs to be encouraged to save the old man, but he does it in the most dramatic way possible- he really didn’t have to stop the entire avalanche AND push it back into the mines. drama king. -he is very lucky. this can apply to anyone who encounters the gaang, but honestly, given his personality and a few things i’ve mentioned above, it’s a miracle that he’d survived as long as he did without detection nor suspicion. -he’s creative. (this one is much more speculative, but he does create huge statues of katara and ty lee pretty quickly, maybe he’s done similar things before)

to summarize: he’s a lonely impulsive idealist who isn’t afraid to throw hands if necessary and is also very attached to his dad <3 his connection to his dad makes up at least 75% of his personality

[plutoswrath]

i’m jealous of your big heart when it comes to animals lmao. i’m arachnophobic and it can be so annoying to have sometimes. i haven’t been able to tie it back to astrology, as much as i would like to. i asked because i was wondering if there was a clear indicator based off certain placements like how 6th house rules animals, 6th is ruled by mercury so i jumbled them even though i probs shouldn’t have lol. and with venus it ties to personal taste so i wondered if it could indicate a liking towards a certain animal. i have sag and sag venus in 6th and embarrassingly enough, i was obsessed with horses. like i came out of the womb adoring them. as soon as i learned to talk i was a walking horse encyclopedia. my obsession died down. i’m not a horse girl, i swear on my life.

i agree with you about the cancer loving animals. animals are babies and momma cancer loves to nurture the babies. i feel like cancers are the most likely to hate the “are you a dog or cat person” question. they’d get offended because how dare someone assume their heart isn’t big enough for both. more than both, really. throw a turtle in there. a rabbit even. cancer asc peeps usually have a shit ton of animals. it’s probably the sag/abundance in the 6th. or they either own a horse or Great Dane. but this is off topic because i forgot i had a follow up question.

if you could tie an animal or a couple animals to each sign that you think best represents that sign? or just seems like one they’d like? some are so easy and others just leave me blank. my arachnophobia thinks scorpio’s deserve better than scorpions but my terror blinds me. but i was looking up the symbolism behind animals and tying them to signs. so far, i’ve concluded that while horses should go with sag, their highly intuitive and empathetic animals. their behavior is like a mirror so if you’re nervous, they are too. so pisces or cancer actually seems to be a better fit. and to stay on topic of cancer with animals, i always tie wolves and dogs in general to cancer. the wolves are tied to the moon and familial dynamics and also i think they’re a great symbolic opposition to leo and how leos tend to resemble cats. sun and moon, dog and cat, night and day, that sort of thing. i realized i’ve rambled but i’m looking forward to your opinion because i’m so lost on what other signs would have. it’s been a year old question in my brain and it’s time for help from the master.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm had a friend once who was arachnophobic and having phobias like these is really no fun, I can't imagine what it feels like really having them. And omg don't feel bad for liking horses when you were a child, literally so many children, especially young girls, like horses simply because people decided horses where a 'teenage girls only' thing somehow?? (and I will have to dig deeper into this at a point because here where I come from the horse girl thing is soooo painfully real and I want to understand the phenomena). And if I'm not mistake, arachnophobia (like most types of phobias), stem from some kind of trauma right? I absolutely don't try to get to personal but if we look at phobias in that way, maybe it's good to also include looking at planets/asteroids that point to trauma or aspects that can represent/indicate traumatic experiences in that sense! And I agree wholeheartedly to the 'dog or cat' question, I don't get offended by it but I hate this question in general because every animal deserves my love and empathy adfghj and yes, mother feelings definitely play into this haha! I think cancers enjoy (to an extent) having that occasional (or constant) outlet for their nurturing side and the bound you have to animals is also very intuitive and requires a lot of patience and getting educated as well as being observant and reading between the lines somehow and all that dedication paired with emotional knowledge just really speaks to water signs in general (and animals don't judge openly with words, just your energy asdfgh) Uhh, I like the question regarding the animals and I agree with your takes on it so far!! I think one animal can not represent all the core traits of a sign alltogether, but I'll try my best here! and psdfghj no need to call me master because I'm literally so far from anything close to that but thank you so much still, I feel honored really!!

The Signs as Animals:

Disclaimer: some of them are inspired by my ‘the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit’ tarot deck.

Aries: House cat. I know, I always thought cats actually link pretty well to Aries! Cats are just the perfect mixture of intelligen and curious, reserved, stubborn, aggressive, senstive as well as playful/impulsive! They are quick to learn and not afraid to face off against any other, bigger animals, but also can live pretty well together with other pets in the house, as long as they don‘t bother them too much. Especially when it comes to intimacy/pda they are very picky, but forceful when demand it. Seem flexible and unbothered at first but actually have the firmest boundaries when it comes to their personal freedom. Will let you believe they need you but give it a few weeks and the neighbor has better treats than you and gone they are asdfgh, but it's actually a harmful stereotype to believe that cats don't need you because they can become extremely fond of you and grow very attached.

Taurus: Elk. Based on the interpretation of my tarot deck. The elk represents earth energy, it is grounded, is established in itself and knows their core values and acts according to them. They show consistency, coherence and care. Dedicated to who they love and what they care for. Can become narrow minded due to knowing what's best, based on their perception of what's right and necessary, which can effect their ego negatively. Very Taurus for me. Gemini: Dragonfly. I refer to the interpretation of the Dragonfly based on my tarot deck. The dragonfly represents the mind: everchanging, quick, fascinating, a reflection of the world inside us and aroudn us. As the dragonfly is very quick (refering to Mercury's fast and nervous energy) the dragonfly also calles for paying attention to what quality our mind has and to become mindful, because on first glance things always appear different tahn on first glance (Mercury floats between detail-oriented and paying attenetion and being too fast, impatient). The dragonfly is joy and magic, as well as impatience, restlessness and being unable to concentrate. Cancer: Killer Whales (but also whales in general)! I thought especially about Killer Whales, because I once watched a documentary on them and they went in depth about how they have different cultures and different languages even (if I remember correctly) in their familys. Cancer often gets associated with the home life, but I think I wanted to look at it from another perspective, as in how does family 'become' family and how do those family roots develope, what do they consist of, how do we define family and what holds it together (and especially: how do our roots shape our own emotional patterns and nature in life?). I think the mystery of the Killer Whales but the whole complexity that lies behind the fascination of how these animals function and also how deeply affected Killer Whales are by their emotions/when they are absent from their kin, just opens up another big question of family dynamics and how we relate to one another and how principles we always condoned to human beings now apply to animals too. I think the whole part about the Killer Whales relation to emotions and their family's cultures just really made me link them to Cancer. Leo: Otter. I refer o the meaning of teh Otter based on my tarot deck. The Otter resembles the energy of the inner child: it's pure bliss, playfulness, they love to live and live for life itself, and out of this eagerness to enjoy life comes also a contentment and completeness towards life itself. To reconnect with otter energy, it is advised to step into settings of celebration, or total creative self expression and from the outside looking 'unproductive/selfish' indulgence. But actually, this energy is what makes life so enjoyable in the first place.

Virgo: Octopus. Highly intelligent beings that can quickly adapt and take the initiative. Self sufficient by nature, they aren't aggressive unless provoked, they like to mind their business unless they get curious (then they cling heavy onto you because you are their new object of interest). They can change color if it's needed (Virgo is a mutuable sign and can blend in perfectly in social occasions/new situations) and tbh the inking part about octopus just reminds me of the fact that most Virgos have a really quirky side to them you only get to see when you annoy them long enough (aka you are a long term friend). Libra: Gazelle. I refer to the meaning of ten Gazelle based on my tarot deck. The gazelle combines the creation of beauty and harmony, creativity and hyper awareness of it's surroundings, very affected of the imbalances in it's environment, but in it's try to remain this beauty around them, they tend to forget their achievments and stay in the present with their thoughts, as they constantly wheigh out the 'what if's'. A very perceptive animal in the tarot deck and this attribute is equally it's strong suit and downfall. Scorpio: Tiger. I refer here to the meaning of the Tiger based on my tarot deck. Waits in stillness and darkness to reconnect to their own inner power. Healing in isolation with the help of the lunar forces, waiting to regenerate. The Tiger energy shows itself in being passionate, sensual and stepping into ones own power, recognizing ones strength. For me, this is very Scorpio (Moon) for me. When the Tiger in unbalanced, it becomes overstimulated and acts according to this hyperawareness. Sagittarius: Zebra. I refer here to the meaning of the Zebra based on my tarot deck. The Zebra stands for an open mind, visionary and eccentric, new thinking, as well as being young at heart and expansion. I personally connect horses with passion and drive, because they are truly powerhouses. Based on the meaning of my tarit deck, the Zebra also is sociable, at least people find themselves drawn to the energy of the Zebra because it triggers their desire to learn, and I think this is something very beautiful Sagittarius symbolizes when they come into your life: be prepared to broaden your horizon for more. 

Capricorn: Camel. I refer to the meaning of the Camel based on my tarot deck. Camels here represent absolute dependence on self and being able to find the answer to problems in oneself. This self reliance and capability reminds me of capricorns, the camel is finding the 'cool' aka water inside of them and Capricorn is traditionally also symbolized as the sea-goat (which I seriously think should really be considered when anaylzing this archetype) and Capricorns have (imo at least) a rich emotional life, but it's just deeply locked within. The Camel represents showing responsibility for their own actions, regulating the self and circumstances around them as best as they can, which makes sense for Capricorns, ruled by Saturn they usually are confronted with task in their life. If the Camel energy is out of balance, it shows a lack of vitality, with Capricorn representing the senior age in life makes sense, especially since Capricorns can tend to feel very old (exhausted)- Aquarius: Platypus- and no, I’m not using the Platypus because ‚wow all Aquarius are so weird like straight up aliens 🤪🤪’ I think the platypus is a good representation because it makes us question what we’ve known so far about animals and Aquarius too is a sign that introduces us to new ideas and perspectives all in the favor of progress and considering alternatives, leaving the status quo. Pisces:  Raven/Crow. I name these two in particular because as far as I know it’s only the ravens that have been documented intimating people’s voices and tones, but crows are definitely more known for their bright mind. For me people often forget Pisces mutable nature and how quick witted they actually are. These birds are hyper intelligent and their observational skills are truly amazing. In my Wild Uknown Animal Spirit deck, the crow is an animal carrying 3rd eye energy. Here, the view is clear, the crow is moving through different dimensions and sees what other’s cant. For and the emotional depth (void) Pisces is conencted to it just seem to make sense. 

[luxekook]

chapter two.

⇥ pairing: namjoon x reader; eventual bts/ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: college au with fluff, smut & angst

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader meets (and falls for) seven members of the Beta Tau Sigma (BTS) fraternity

⇥ word count: 2.3k

⇥ warnings: 18+, cursing, chaotic namjoon, power tools, hints of poly relationships, overall pretty smut free (who AM i???)

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

characters | prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

Chapter Two

Habitat for Humanity Worksite – 9:26am

When I signed up to volunteer Saturday morning of syllabus week, I should have known I would end up regretting it. I almost punted my alarm clock out of the apartment window this morning, but instead settled a slightly more civil action – punching the shit out of the ‘off’ button.

Don’t get me wrong: I love volunteering. It’s been part of my routine since sophomore year when I was recruited for the all-women’s service society on campus – the Alphites. As a society, us Alphites volunteer around campus and in our local community each week. There’s something about doing service together that really creates bonds, and the girls in the society have quickly become some of my closest friends.

We sign up to volunteer for a variety of different service projects each week, and Habitat is my current favorite project to sign up for. As a nonprofit organization, Habitat for Humanity helps families build and improve places to call home. Currently, our regional Habitat is working on building a house from the ground up for a local family in need.

Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape, or form a very ‘handy’ person. Luckily for me, there are always a couple volunteers with construction or engineering backgrounds who are willing to teach other volunteers with less experience – or none, like me.

Since beginning to volunteer at the site last year, I have learned how to use a power saw, how to fasten siding, and how to mix, pour and level cement. It’s definitely empowering to learn new skills and also to see how my handiwork contributes to someone’s future home. I also feel lowkey badass when I get to use the power drill for anything.

Pulling up to the worksite, I clutch my cherished 24oz. Wawa coffee. I finally feel somewhat human as I park my beat-up Jeep Wrangler and hop out to meet the other volunteers for our task assignments.

The site leader Eddie – a burly retiree with a background in construction management – greets me with a huge grin, “(y/n)-doll, we missed you this summer! I can’t believe you abandoned us during the hottest months of the year.”

I roll my eyes, smiling at his teasing. Eddie’s like a teddy bear disguised as a grizzly – all rough edges and a heart of gold. “Missed you, too, Eddie.”

“Look at our progress now,” he continues, “Pretty impressive, yeah?” Nodding, I greet some regular volunteers I recognize as Eddie leads me around the house. He proceeds to show me what they had done over the summer in my absence – and they had done a lot. The house now had its full foundation and wooden framing with most of the doors and windows installed.

As we walk back to the front of the house to the main area, I sip my coffee and turn to Eddie, “So, what can I work on today, fearless leader?”

Letting out a patented ‘Eddie belly-laugh’, he replies, “I know you worked on the siding at our last site so I'm gonna have you work on where we started the siding on the right side of the house.”

Sweet, I could work with that. “Aye, aye, captain,” I respond with a lazy salute of my coffee cup. Before I can turn to start towards the scaffolding to begin, Eddie stops me.

“Oh, one more thing. I’m gonna need you to orient our new volunteer and let him shadow you today. Kid’s from the same school as you, I think… Mandatory service. Anyway, he should be here any minute.”

Shit, I know what ‘mandatory service’ means. It’s the first form of disciplinary action that the college issues and is usually the only form of disciplinary action for our athletes or for Greek life – a fact I actively resent. During my time in the Alphites, I have had to deal with some of these ‘mandatory service’ characters and they’ve never been much fun to be around.

“Ah, that’s probably him now,” Eddie startles me out of my thoughts of dread and doom as a black gleaming Tesla practically purrs down the block, swinging into the spot next to my Wrangler. Scowling, I cross my arms as I survey the stark contrast between this person’s shiny-ass luxury car and my dirty-ass well-loved Jeep.

The Tesla door opens. A Timberland booted foot emerges followed by a thick leg encased in light jeans, a tanned well-muscled arm…

No. Nope, it couldn’t be— Please, not today, Satan.

He stands with his back to us now, stretching out his large body. In only a cutoff t-shirt, his rippling back muscles might be enough to send me into an early grave.

I sigh in bitter defeat of the inevitable. Seriously, the fucking universe must have it out for me because I can’t seem to shake this stupid fucking fraternity.

As if the boy feels my eyes on him, he turns. His eyes immediately clash with mine as he slams his car door, clicking the lock over his shoulder. Those eyes – golden brown beneath dark brows and a wave of bleached blonde hair. Their focus is absolute – hard – as he strolls towards us. It’s almost as if he knows the maddening effect that he has on me.

I think Eddie is speaking, but my senses are on lockdown, his words muted. My thighs tighten as my pulse picks up. Get a fucking grip, (y/n). I can’t let him know that just one look from him has me thirsty and oxygen-deprived. I can’t look away – that would be succumbing to weakness.

Instead, I hold his heated gaze as best I can as his confident gait brings him closer. God, he’s got to be at least 6 foot...

The goddamn president of BTS Kim Namjoon is getting closer and I can’t help running my eyes over him.

His thighs flex and shift beneath his jeans with every calculated step. His abs are apparent under his tight cutoff shirt emblazoned with his fraternity letters.

Namjoon stops in front of us, hands stuffed into his back pockets, biceps flexing. “Nice to finally meet you, Eddie,” Namjoon takes his eyes off me long enough to greet Eddie and shake his hand, but then they’re right back on me, “Hi, (y/n).”

He drags out my name in a such a sinful way that even old Eddie does a slight doubletake. Clearing his throat unnecessarily loudly, Eddie booms, “You two know each other?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Our differing replies sound at the same time.

“Yes,” Namjoon repeats, lips turning up in an infuriating smile, “We have several mutual friends that she’s met a couple times now. Want me to jog your memory? I’d be more than happy to do so.”

Eddie takes one look at my face and hustles off, mumbling something about support beams. I guess my inner thoughts of ‘kill, maim, slaughter’ could easily be read from my facial expression.

Namjoon opens his mouth to speak again, but I’m faster, “Listen, Kim, I don’t know who you think you are, and, quite frankly, I don’t care. What I do care about is this house and these people working on it. Don’t fuck this up for me, okay? Let’s just get through today and then you can go back to ordering around your brothers and causing general mayhem.”

I’m feeling pretty proud of my little soliloquy until I realize he’s still smiling with those blasted dimples out in full display. No, his smile has grown even wider now as he simply answers, “The semester.”

My nose crinkles in confusion, “What?”

“The semester,” he repeats, “I’m assigned here every Saturday for the rest of the semester.”

I stare at him.

He smirks back.

I stare.

His smirk begins to fade, “Uh, did you hear me?”

I stare.

“Okay, you’re creeping me out now, (y/n),” Namjoon waves his giant paw of a hand in front of my face, “How many fingers?”

I break out of my trance of denial and hiss, “What did you do? Double homicide? Serial arson? Oh my god, you were the one who blew up the science lab!”

His hand covers my mouth – it’s rough and warm and entirely disarming.

“You have quite the imagination, jagi. I’ll keep that in mind,” Namjoon chuckles, “To answer your question, I did none of the above. Now, answer a couple questions of mine: what did you do to get here and – more importantly – why did you distract Jungkook from doing his fucking job on Monday?”

I glare in response, waiting for him to remove his hand from my mouth. He takes too long, and I lick his palm. It works. He removes his hand, but from the look on his face it seems like he liked my tongue on his skin entirely too much.

Thankfully, Eddie chooses the perfect moment to yell across the site, “What are you doing just standing there, (y/n)-doll? I don’t pay you to just loiter around all day!”

“You don’t pay me at all!” I yell back, already moving towards the trailer with all the supplies to get started. Namjoon follows.

“(y/n)-doll?” his eyebrows are raised as I hand him a pair of the biggest gloves I could find, “What’s up with that?”

Taking a pair of smaller gloves for myself, I turn to look for some hammers and nails as I respond, “I’ve been here a while. He’s like my honorary grandfather at this point.”

I spot the hammers and nails tucked away on the highest corner shelf and I huff. Namjoon follows my gaze, “Need a strong, intelligent, tall young man to grab those for you?”

He’s impossible, but for some reason it draws a small smile to my face, “Yes, that’d be great.”

The smile I receive in response is so bright I wonder if it could make flowers grow, “Okay, but only if answer my questions, (y/n).”

I shrug, trying not to notice how his cutoff shirt rises as he stretches to reach the upper shelf. I catch a sudden glimpse of his abs, and I praise every god out there that hot weather can be blamed for my sudden onset of sweat. 

Clearing my throat, I laugh lightly, “Fine, first of all, I didn’t ‘distract’ Jeon. I just had a temporary lapse in judgement. Besides, he came to me all on his own.” His back muscles tense up at my words, but I continue, “And second of all, there’s no juicy story of how I got here. I just volunteer here every Saturday for the Alphites.”

The sound of a hammer hitting the floor startles me as he whirls around, “You’re an Alphite?”

Namjoon’s tone is one of disbelief and it’s a tone I do not appreciate, “Yes, why is that so hard to believe?” My arms cross defensively, “I’ve been a sister since my sophomore year...”

I trail off. He’s still gawking at me ridiculously. Narrowing my eyes, I stride across the trailer and grab his chin, closing his mouth for him, “Watch out, Kim, you’re gonna catch flies.”

Spinning on my heels, I sashay out of the trailer, nose held high in the air and satisfaction held even higher. He’ll catch up. After all, he’s basically supposed to be my bitch today.

I climb up the scaffolding next to the house’s right side and assess the siding work that has already been started. It looks pretty solid and level. I should have no issue with continuing without having to make any initial corrections.

The sound of a bucket of nails hitting the top platform I’m sitting on alerts me of Namjoon’s impending presence. Saving the bucket from teetering over the edge – a safety hazard for sure – I watch amusedly as Namjoon struggles stay upright and climb up to where I am on the scaffolding. Finally, he plops down next to me – entirely too close. I can feel his stare on my skin as I steadfastly ignore him.

“Hey, jagi,” he pokes my arm, “(y/n), listen, you just caught me off guard. I mean, you don’t seem like the type to be an Alphite – that’s all.”

Fury curls up inside me for the umpteenth time that morning, as I turn to face Namjoon with a sickly-sweet smile that has him flinching back, “Then do tell, Namjoon, what type I seem to be?”

I pick up the hammer closest to me and dip a hand into the nail bucket. The sooner this siding got done, the sooner I could haul ass out of here.

“I feel like that’s a trick question,” Namjoon sighs, rubbing a hand over his chin, “I didn’t mean anything bad by it, okay? I guess I just have always thought that your society was a bunch of mom-types—”

I cut him off with a swing of my hammer in the air, “What’s wrong with mom-types, you uncultured swine? And is serving your community really such a ‘mom’ thing to do? I’m sorry. I must have missed that memo. Here I was thinking that it was public service but go off I guess.”

He blinks, “Did you just call me an ‘uncultured swine’?”

I sniff in indignation, “Get with the times, Kim. I just roasted your ass. Now hand me that piece of siding and make yourself useful.”

“You’re so weird,” Namjoon mutters, sliding my request over to me.

“So what?” I shrug, “All the best people are weird. Now, do me a solid and explain to me why you and your ‘brothers’ keep suspiciously popping up everywhere I go.”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” he grins, “We’re interested.”

“What does that even mean? That you’re interested?” I wrack my brain, “As in all seven of you fuckers?”

“It means, jagi,” Namjoon pauses, leaning closer, “It means that we’re going to date the shit out of you.”

a/n: i love namjoon. that is all. 

taglist (message me to be added):

@catsandstrawberries @h5naaa @meowmeowyoongles @leftflowerprunedonut @rjsmochii @athletes-of-god @karissassirak @weallhavesecretsinthebestway @cvbachacbitch @bewitch3dforivar @honeyspillings @xxonyxpearlxx​  @valiantcollectorofsandwiches @fivesecondsofsarang 

[multifandomeras]

Hii, fellow asexual here! If you are not uncomfortable talking about it, I have a few questions. How did you figure out that you are one? Was it like something very obvious that made you realize or just little things started making sense? Because as a virgin, never having been in a relationship, there's always this doubt in the back of my mind that I might not even be asexual, even though I'm convinced I am =)) this is one messy ask, hope you're having a good day!^^

Oh my goodness hello!~

I’m so sorry for the super late response, I actually just got home today from visiting family (for the first time in two years!). I’d love to answer your questions! Discovering your sexuality is quite a journey and isn’t always clear-cut. Being asexual is something I’m still trying to come to terms with myself. Sometimes I’ll think “what if it’s just my medication killing my sex drive?” Or “maybe I just haven’t met the right person”.

Before I get started though I think it’s important to note that being asexual (lacking sexual attraction) and aromantic (lacking romantic attraction) are two different things! You can be an aromantic asexual, just asexual or just aromantic. I am just an asexual - I am attracted to people and want to date, but I am not interested in having sex with anyone, regardless of my romantic feelings for them. Also, a quick little disclaimer that asexuality can be defined, displayed and handled in many different ways - I am just sharing my personal experience and answering your questions based on said experiences!

For me it started with a lot of little things at first. I don’t enjoy kissing, holding hands, or cuddling (these are not necessarily signs of being asexual, they were just an indicator for me). I have never looked at someone and been turned on by them or their actions. I think people are attractive, but I’ve never wanted someone to have sex with me. Honestly, most physical affection freaks me out and makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The thought of having intercourse with another human just instantly makes me cringe for lots of reasons.

Over two years ago I started dating a guy who had a very very high sex drive. I had known him since second grade and had a huge crush on him for about 10 years. At the time, I hadn’t identified as asexual. He always wanted to get physically intimate with me every time we hung out. I was a virgin so I figured I was just being a chicken about it and would give it a shot. We touched each other and started doing the things that lead up to sex but that was when I knew I was not capable of being sexually attracted to anyone. Throughout the whole thing I was incredibly uncomfortable and I didn’t get turned on at all. We ended up not having sex because I told him I wasn’t ready. Afterwards, I sat there and couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Here I am, I finally have the guy I’ve wanted since elementary school and I kill the mood? Good one, J! I guess you could say that was my big reveal! To this day I am still a virgin (penetrative), have only full-on made out once (it grossed me out), and don’t like most forms of physical intimacy.

After that I explored the possibility of being asexual. I researched quite a bit and felt like everything I was reading perfectly described me and my perspective on sex. Realizing I was asexual was not an overnight process, it took me about 6 months to finally recognize that I am ace. I tried to rush to a conclusion and ended up in a confused limbo for months because of it. One weird misconception I found during my research is that all asexuals don’t like masturbating. Some do and some don’t! I enjoy it, but that doesn’t make me any less or more of an asexual as someone who doesn’t.

All that being said, I do not feel that I am “stuck” with my sexuality. If I get older and decide to have sex or find myself attracted to someone in that way, that’s okay! And the same goes for you! You may identify one way now and then a couple of years down the road realize that hey, maybe my sexual orientation changed, which is totally fine!

I apologize for the length of my answer, I just didn’t want to miss anything! I encourage you to take your time and don’t feel rushed to identify yourself. That was something I wish someone had told me before I started exploring the possibilities of being asexual. I hope this at least somewhat answered your questions! If I missed something or if you have anymore questions please feel free to reach out, I’m here to help as best as I can! I hope you have a fantastic day (or night) ♡~

[mikami]

In death note how to read, it was stated that "light is incapable of loving a woman". Is this true? If yes in what context obaha said this and what do you think he meant?

Thank you so much for this ask because it prompted me to revisit a wrong fandom assumption we made years ago that I never questioned again.

In like 2015, we had all agreed that this is a mistranslation on VIZ’s part. We believed the actual Japanese phrase to be “he has never loved a woman” - a past tense statement. This was because we believed the phrase to be “でも彼は女性を好きになる ことがない でしょう” in which “ことがない” would be a set phrase meaning ‘it has never happened’ if used with the -ta form of a verb. There is no -ta form here and the phrase is also actually “でも彼は女性を好きになる事はないでしょう”, meaning the important point is spelled “ 事はない”. The difference in verb tense and particle changes all.

The phrase reads something like “but he could likely never love a woman.”

Does that mean Ohba thinks Light is gay? Highly doubtful. 

The full context is this:

which means roughly:

“Light’s relationship to the opposite gender. During his time in university, Light had five or six girlfriends including those who were camouflage, but he likely could never love a woman. Because there are no people he can form a relationship with on equal footing, Light just looks down on everyone as merely fools. However, he loves his family and he loves mankind as a whole as well. He also has many friends.”

(Disclaimer: this translation was provided by Japanese learners not those who are fluent in Japanese - if anyone more fluent wants to issue a correction, PLEASE do so. I am mostly translating this from Japanese directly because I don’t own English HTR13 and thus have no way to cross-reference with the full paragraph in it.) 

So really, I don’t think this is meant as a statement towards Light’s sexual orientation so much as a very heteronormative way of looking at Light’s attitude towards intimacy as a whole. What Ohba is describing is Light’s general problem - he can’t get too close to people because he doesn’t feel like he can relate to them on the same level. Whether those people are women or men doesn’t really matter - Ohba merely never even considered the idea that romance for Light could be with someone else than a woman, lmao.

Does that mean Light really can never fall in love?

I personally don’t think so. I think it means that it is VERY DIFFICULT for Light to fall in love because he has a lot of personal hang-ups to get over first. The “ でしょう “ in the phrase also softens the finality of the statement.

Light finds it very difficult to really open himself up and during his lifetime in canon, it has never happened. It could  maybe happen in some alternate universe, but the chances are fairly slim, just because Light is Light.

[seyaryminamoto]

I change my "Uncle Sokka for Katara's Children" question to "How would Sokka be with pregnant Azula and how would Azula be while pregnant" ??*-*

Oh, well... that’s an interesting question to ask xD to be quite honest, I was seriously pondering writing a oneshot about this for the next Sokkla Saturday (... I still might do it, actually <.<), but I guess I’ll answer here too.

First off! In the most favorable scenario possible where the two of them are happily together and with a kiddo on the way, Sokka would likely freak out (in a good way) if Azula so much as tells him she suspects she could be pregnant. He’d fret giddily until they get confirmation, basically sitting on his hands while trying not to get overexcited in case it’s not true...

Then when confirmation happens he’d likely release all his excitement, hug Azula, perhaps even twirl her around until she asks him to be careful because she has morning sickness and if he keeps spinning them around there may be rather... unwanted consequences xD so of course, he stops and starts asking about what he can do for her. At such early stages, he’s just happy and giddy about becoming a parent with Azula, but whenever Azula needs something he’ll enter Caring Husband Mode and rush to get it for her, offer her his help with anything that’s necessary, whether if he knows what to do or not.

He’s constantly thinking about their future, about how they’ll raise their new kiddo, helping Azula prepare in every way he can. He’d probably talk with Azula’s baby bump often, introducing them both to the kid, probably also messing with Azula by offering to sing to the baby (all be it so he can manipulate her into singing to silence him, and so both him and the growing baby can enjoy her lovely voice). He’d be very supportive throughout the whole process, and where Azula will likely think she looks like hell or thinks her body’s changes will make her unappealing in his eyes, Sokka always reassures her that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, no questions asked. In the end, Azula probably ends up enjoying her pregnancy a lot because of how happily excitable her dear silly husband can be.

And by the birth we get trademark anxious Sokka, freaking out, walking in circles, panicking while his friends and family try to calm him down as Azula goes into labor. I think in general fathers were kept outside of the room when a mother was giving birth (heck, one of my uncles said he was never were allowed in the room when his wife was giving birth to any of their daughters), so I figure Sokka’s basically standing by the door, fidgetting and as good as praying for his wife to be fine and for their baby to be born safely.

I hope that’s enough for you to be satisfied regarding Sokka xD Now, Azula...

Alright, same as above, in the best-case scenario, I’d think Azula would always panic upon her first pregnancy. That’s really something that can’t be helped, as we know, Azula’s family life is complicated enough that she has some rather deeply engraved insecurities that can’t go away as easily as that. So her initial reaction would definitely be caution and uncertainty, because she’d fear being a mess of a mother, just as she believes she wasn’t much good as a daughter.

If it’s not her first child, though, I think Azula will be much calmer and takes it in stride, since she knows what to expect and how this whole mess works. And of course, Sokka’s excitement doesn’t hurt one bit! If anything, having such an enthusiastic husband and father beside her will definitely give her far more security than she ever expected to feel when facing a challenge like this one. Part of what I’ve always loved about developing their relationship is giving Azula the certainty that she’s not alone anymore, no matter what... and that really does wonders for a character who has such profound fear of abandonment and hates being lonely.

Now, then, beyond this Azula will surely be a victim of hormonal changes, whether she likes it or not. So that means she’ll probably have strange mood swings she won’t even be able to understand or keep up with: knowing her, she’ll even try to rationalize her way out of them but can’t stop feeling whatever she’s feeling x’D so she ends up being overcome by her feelings and emotions, whatever they may be.

She’ll likely talk to her baby bump too, sharing her thoughts and treating it as a simple conversation. She’ll be excited about getting to know the little one, and surely has long silly arguments with Sokka regarding which one the kid will take after (obviously, Sokka keeps saying he wants his own Azula Jr., while Azula argues that she’d rather have a Sokka Jr., and on and on they bicker playfullly xD). She’ll be set on fixing up the kid’s room, probably focuses a lot on how to arrange it to perfection... probably directing Sokka to set things up to her satisfaction, too xD that’s a pretty fun visual, with him changing all the furniture from one side to the other on Azula’s whims, having to take down the curtains because they just don’t work with that rug? And the mobile is just way too silly, they need something more elegant and regal. Same with the clothes xD

In any event, I think Azula would really want to focus on the practical side of things because her emotions are a bit crazy and hard to keep up with... and Sokka is ready to keep up with her every whim, while making no attempts to control his own wild, outpouring emotions :’D As usual, the only ones who can keep up with them are each other xD and they love that about their relationship, always have.

Birth-wise, Azula would surely want Sokka by her side but knows why it’s for the best if he isn’t. Still, knowing he’s standing by the door, waiting desperately to be allowed to see her, is a source of strength for Azula. So even if the birth gets tough, Azula does her best not to despair, and to focus more than anything on the joy they’ll both feel once they’re holding each other and the newest addition for their family :D

I hope that was lengthy and thorough enough for your tastes and needs xD

Disclaimer: this is, of course, an answer oriented towards a very specific AU that you didn’t outright state you were refering to, and that I won’t mention directly despite it’s pretty obvious what we’re talking about :’D While yes, there’s a few spoilery kernels within this answer... the questions seemed to lean towards a very specific set-up, where the parents-to-be are in the best-possible situation. Hence... don’t take this as word of law regarding each and every pregnancy Azula may or may not experience within the story in question, or in later installments of this setting that I may or may not write in the future (?)

[sugarandspice-games]

I guess this is becoming a trend... I’m popping in before the actual intro to clarify-- if the text is in italic, it is me (Sugar) talking and regular is Spice. Alright? Cool. And so--

So, one night I’m going through youtube and I come upon this one shitposty video about some random anime that I’ve never even heard of. After doing some research, I discover that it’s actually based on a dating sim that I’ve also never heard of. As a joke I was like “Hey Sugar wanna watch this as a joke, it might be funny” and so we did. And uhm. Well.

Today we’re gonna be reviewing Brothers Conflict, aka Sweet Home Alabama 2: Electric Anime Boogaloo aka the anime that ruined our lives. [Again, disclaimer: neither Sugar nor I condone incest and/or pedophilia, two themes which are uh, very rampant in this anime which is why I cannot recommend it in good faith. It’s not good, don’t get me wrong. I can’t really say that I liked it even if watching it and ragging on it was kind of enjoyable, and I did get attached to some of the characters because that’s the kind of idiot I am. Also, we’re not shirking our duties to write I swear please don’t kill me--] Anyway, an obligatory SPOILER WARNING though this probably isn’t going in the main tag bc I do not want the fans to publicly stone me. Why are we reviewing this? Bc we need to talk about it somewhere. Though I say review lightly bc this... is really more of a critique.

ALSO we only watched the anime, idk if things are different in the game. There is no full english translation for the games and most of the LP channels have been copyright striked, so please don’t come at us for not knowing anything. I also know that otome games and dating sims don’t tend to translate well to anime, and I will be addressing this later.

So, dear god, where do I begin.

Where do we begin indeed? How about the fact that her name is Ema and I had to google to remember the heroine’s name? Also, she is seventeen.

Our plot, or well... what you COULD call a plot, I guess, if you REALLY wanted to give this anime that much credit, focuses on the aforementioned seventeen year old Hinata Ema, who has an absent father who apparently FOUND THE TIME TO FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED BUT NEVER HAS A SECOND TO SPARE FOR HIS ONLY CHILD, RINTARO I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TAKING CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD. HAND HER OVER-- Anyway. He’s getting married to a woman who has 13 sons (jesus christ ma’am have you ever heard of a condom?) and he decides to move her in with them because... I guess he has less braincells than I have balls, which is to say, zero. Hi, I’m trans.

So, Ema moves in with them... along with her talking grey squirrel, Juli. Juli is... interesting and by interesting, I mean-- ABSOLUTELY PUZZLING. He, apparently, has seen the majority of Ema’s life from babyhood to teenagerhood and can talk but is only understood by Ema (who he calls Chii) and Louis, the eighth son in the Asahina family. It is never explained why, or how Chii came across him or how in an episode, a single episode, he becomes human because why the hell not, I guess??? (Also, he is pretty. YES. I said it. Fight me.) [Quick Spice intervention, this squirrel can talk to people, transform into a human, enter dreams, and live way longer than a squirrel should since the average lifespan of a squirrel is like 6 years in the wild. Juli is apparently a god as none of this is EVER explained.]

And when she meets the Asahina family, it’s pretty much immediately chaos because these heterosexual (I guess? They look like a bunch of twinks to me but there goes anime trying to convince me that straight people are real and not a lie made up by Trump) men have NEVER and I mean NEVER known a woman in their entire lives, since they seem to want to bang their stepsister immediately. And most of them are GROWN ASS ADULTS. Only three of them are actually minors (though Iori is 18 and only one year older so I guess??? It’s okay??? But still weird) and one of them is a 13 year old who looks and acts like he’s 8.

Oh, and did I mention that out of these boys, only the adult triplets and the abusive asshole 16 year old get any kind of characterization AND character development? I mean, Subaru gets an “arc” if you can call it that, but really, they don’t give him much... personality. You could replace him with a cardboard cutout and it’d be the same. I feel bad for him (but not really because dude you are 20 and she is your sister, what the fuck--)

But if there’s anything good about this anime, it is the characters themselves. Several of the boys have redeeming qualities and interesting personalities and quirks, as well as interesting relationships and dynamics with each other. Yes, some of them are lacking in the plotline department while others may have decent plotlines and lack personality, and then some of them are just given absolutely nothing (COUGH Masaomi COUGH Ukyo COUGHCOUGHCOUGH Iori, and by the way, what the fuck is that game plotline bc I read the wiki since I wanted to know more about him. We don’t have time to unpack the mento illness luv. But you’re telling me they had all this meat to work with and they threw it in the trash and gave him nothing? What the hell?) And if anything, I feel as if the characters themselves are crippled by the plotline. If given a different story, perhaps, they may have room to shine, because a lot of them are compelling if not lovable (though some may not be... lovable. COUGHFuuto, at least not for me.) If you want to see our review on the characters, we’ll put out another post.

Iori... Iori has a hell of a plot in the game, according to the Wiki but I can’t blame the writers for not exploring all of it because whoa. It is dark and not in a good way. But back to the subject at hand... I agree with Spice. I do/did like quite a lot of the characters... provided the entire romantic plot is taken away but we will go into more of why the plot is problematic below. All I can really add is: There is a baby in this dumpster and canon has been taken out back to be shot like a lame horse.

This brings me to a point in which I would like to pause the character discussion and bring up a glaring flaw with this anime in general (aside from the... plot. Look, I’m not a huge fan of weird stepsibling stuff but I think that if you want to do something like that, there are ways to do it and ways not to do it. This was the way not to do it, which I’m getting to). The biggest thing that made this anime so uncomfortable was the imbalance of power dynamics. Why is the protagonist 17 when most of the love interests are 18 and older, and I mean much, much older? And she’s not any 17 year old... she’s a lonely, neglected girl who is starved for the love of a family. This makes her easily manipulated by the brothers, who clearly desire her for less than wholesome reasons, and that makes it skeevy. I’m not sure why there’s such a fetishization of nonconsent in media, as if it’s fine for as many men to lust after female protagonists as the writer desires BUT the woman can’t want a single one of them in return. It’s creepy, and quite frankly, I am very much over it. I also get that the age thing is probably a product of the protagonist of a teenager oriented dating sim not translating well to an anime (because really, all otome game MCs are meant to be a neat little pair of shoes for the player to imagine themselves in), but why are we fetishizing a teenager being groomed by adults anyway? Especially adults who have this much power over her to begin with? The power dynamics bring this plot from “Oh, this might be kinda trashy but it could be entertaining” to “This is extremely creepy and rapey and kind of a dumpster fire.”

This is also true. If we were to take age into consideration, Fuuto, Yusuke, and Iori would be the three candidates left for Chii. This is taking out the youngest as well, who is... thirteen, I think? But anyway, (I know I am probably going to get some hate for this but go for it), I am into stories that explore the stepsibling thing and it can make a good narrative-- but before everyone gets uppity: There is a line between FICTION and REALITY and I do not condone real life incest but a story is a story and there are ways to frame it that make it clear that it is not a romantic thing, or acceptable. This anime does not do that in it’s dynamics because some of the brothers do start off in that very firm caregiving, family role and it is a sharp turn into romance that makes you go, “?” or in Fuuto case, a blending that does lean into fetishization.

All in all I think the plot maybe could have been okay? I’m not saying it isn’t problematic, because we all know it is, who are we kidding? But I don’t think it’s wrong per se to explore family dynamics with romance and to understand where the line should be drawn, and maybe exploring the definition of family itself. I have seen fanfictions with similar tropes ask those questions and explore the concept beautifully without romanticizing or fetishizing incest and unhealthy power dynamics. It could have been good, and I get that perhaps I’m barking up the wrong tree by expecting mature themes in an anime based on an otome game, but it also could have been a lot less... creepy (I have used that word so much that it looks wrong now) even if it wasn’t the greatest thing ever. But again, what was I expecting? I watched this whole thing as a joke and ended up attached to the characters like a fool... That tends to be a trend here, and this is why we are so salty all the time. So anyway, stay tuned for our review of the characters! We may not cover all of them since some of them don’t really get anything, but we’ll cover what we found interesting.

[albyfm]

˙✫*ﾟ YUNGBLUD  ,  DEMIBOY  ,  HE/THEY  :･ did  you  hear  alby miller  is  joining  the  cast  of  exposed  after  their habit of facilitating drugs at events, festivals & awards shows  was  revealed  ?  the  twenty-three  year  old  bass guitarist  with 500k followers is  trying  to  clear  their  name  .  they've  become  known  as  the  resident  juvenile  in  the  mansion  ,  and  it's  clear  that's  spot  on  because  they're  quite -  recalcitrant & -  stuck in their ways ,  but  also +  charismatic &  +  outspoken .  you  know  they're  heading  to  the  confession  booth  if  you  hear  lonely boy  by  the black keys  blasting  ,  most  likely  talking  about  how  they're  more  than disheveled outfits of black leather & denim, talking way too candidly to the press, smashed lenses of paparazzi cameras that got too close, an unmistakable mischievous grin & an inability to express real feelings.

hey !! finally getting around to posting this. you can call me aries, i’m 23 and in the bst ( uk ) timezone. my pronouns are she / her. i’m a little lost art school grad with a lot of student debt, a taste for red wine and an unhealthy obsession with arctic monkeys. not gonna lie, i whipped this kiddo up specifically for this rp so i’m still getting used to them, but hopefully with this intro you’ll get a feel for what they’re about. without further ado, here’s alby—

trigger warnings & disclaimer: mentions of hard drugs, alcohol, anger issues, destructive tendencies. my intention writing this intro was not to glamorize or romanticize these things in any way but if anything i have written comes across that way, please lmk!

smash that ♡ to plot or hit me up on discord @ chaotic aries#5793 !!

‘and this is how it starts...’ ( the basics )

name: alby fox miller age: twenty-three gender: non-binary ( demi-boy ) pronouns: he / him & they / them date of birth: may 24th 1997 zodiac: gemini sun, pisces moon, aries rising orientation: pansexual occupation: bassist for drive like i do career claim: ross macdonald ( the 1975 ) genre: alt-pop, pop-rock

‘it’s the way we are, we were smoking by eleven & knocking ‘round town...’ ( background )

you’re born in 1997, in the north west of england. wilmslow, to be exact. a quaint and affluent town, just south of manchester. the family you’re born into is a comfortable one. not quite living lavishly, but not at all struggling, either. your parents both work in business out in the city. you go to a good school. but... all is not how you exactly want it to be.

see, your parents are quite pushy. they expect you to live how they want, rather than how you do. at the all boy’s academy they enroll you in as a teenager, they expect you to pick what they deem as intellectual subjects, such as foreign languages, further mathematics and computer science. there’s a focus on you becoming someone that makes a lot of money, rather than someone who is happy.

but you’re... not the kind of person that can be molded so easily. you’re a fairly happy-go-lucky kid, but also a rebellious one. your parents’ strict ways of trying to force you down their chosen path, only encourages you more heavily to choose your own. 

at fourteen, you meet the guys. lennox, jovi & jasper. they’re some of the only kids at school who can be bothered to be around you, with your high energy and bolshy attitude. really, they’re the only people who embrace you for who you are. they encourage your weirdness and outspokenness. it’s not long before you find yourself wanting to do everything together. it’s not long before the four of you are inseparable.

from there, you fully detach from everything your parents want you to be. you embrace your individuality. you also find the courage and bravery to come out to your parents as non-binary at the age of sixteen. there’s not a single person’s opinion that you’re afraid of, or even care about. 

it’s not all rainbows & sunshine, though. you struggle somewhat with anger issues, and a bit of depression. you’re also practically addicted to getting into trouble: picking fights with bullies at school, selling weed & pills to your friends around town, underaged drinking... you get the gist. though you keep your fears internal, you sometimes worry you’ll get nowhere in life.

so of course, the second the boys are talking about starting a band, you’re all in. imagine if you made it big someday? wouldn’t that be sick? you’re immediately drawn to bass guitar, and use a month’s worth of saved up pocket money to pick one up from the big music store in the city. thankfully, you pick it up quite quickly, because before you can even realize it, things are getting so... real. by sixteen, you don’t feel you have the option to stick around at school for sixth form, because drive like i do is already playing local venues and working on its first album.

you’re just seventeen when the album is released. somehow, the climb to fame is faster than you could have ever imagined. it seems like yesterday you were still watching bass tutorials on youtube in your bedroom and practicing in your friend’s garage after school. first is some notoriety across the uk, but before you know it — boom! global stardom. the fame is a heavy weight for someone so young to carry... but fuck it, it’s gonna be fun, and you know it.

you’re twenty-three now, and days are gone of pipedreams formed in your parent’s shoebox room. you split your time between manchester, london, and LA — and that’s just during rare moments of downtime from your world tours. your band is 4 albums in, and whoever hasn’t heard of you might as well have been living under a rock. is it narcissistic to think like that? maybe, but you don’t care. this is rock n’ roll, baby. this is the life.

naturally, all eyes are mostly on your very outspoken frontman. he’s controversial, but the media can’t get enough of him. as for you? to them, you’re... the band’s problem child. while you argue that your behavior is no different than that of your friend, he’s got the lead singer charm. they don’t seem to like you as much. why? well...

‘drink, fall, spew...’ ( troublesome tendencies & exposed secret )

you never really coped as well as you acted like you did, did you? while you were grateful for the fame, everything was... a lot, and it was all at once. you didn’t even get the chance to process it. 

take four twenty-somethings and add constant prying journalists, paparazzi, and constantly full schedules into the mix. and why not pepper in some typical rockstar vices, too? alcohol, drugs, parties, throwaway sex. things are destined to get a little rocky. though you tried at first not to show it to your fans, your destructive behavior soon got the better of you, and you became known to drunkenly lash out at paps, smash cameras and storm out of interviews when the questions got too personal. 

this all came to a head when you were caught on camera several times distributing acid tabs, cocaine and mdma at events, music festivals & awards shows. the press gave the band a pretty bad time over this, and given the other members’ controversies and lennon’s similar link to drugs, it wasn’t a good look for any of you. 

it didn’t matter that you had a side to you that was good, pure. that you were always kind and loving and down-to-earth towards your fans and friends. you were a bad seed, and you wound up on exposed with the rest of your bandmates. hopefully you can prove there’s more to you than what the media shows...

‘oh & you say, i’m such a cliche...’ ( personality )

immm gonna rush thru this section & write less formally bc those other parts too me WAY too long

basically a literal toddler. loves a laugh, loves a good time, but get on his bad side and he WILL throw a tantrum

it’s mainly people like press & paps he lets his anger out on. the band’s fans and people he’s close with on a personal level know he’s a good person underneath it all

loves a bit of mischief / rebellion / drama

king of hiding insecurities....

literal softie.... like... who allowed this binch to be so soft. he’s so open about how much he loves his friends (particularly his bandmates) and will platonically kiss and hug and love people all the time, particularly on the show bc he’s trying to show the cameras his softer side dfjghdfdfg

so excitable like WHERE does this kid get all his energy...

( tw drugs ) will probably struggle a bit on the show without access to drugs, but ( tw addiction mention ) he has never really been addicted or dependent on them, just a frequent user.

outspoken as fuck, has no filter sometimes oops

very flamboyant, in line with the general aesthetic of his band but also on a personal level. sports a kind of soft gothic/punk/early 2000s emo look. always paints his nails and wears makeup etc

sleeps around a lot but has never really been able to find a lasting relationship, has just had a bunch of short-lived flings???? but lowkey develops crushes at the drop of a hat and would love to properly fall in love with someone who could be with him forever & accept him for all his flaws, but he highly doubts that will ever happen fgjdhsfg

‘why don’t you figure my heart out?...’ ( wanted connections )

exes on good terms

exes on bad terms ( maybe someone who actually really wanted to stay with him but couldnt deal with his bullshit and now resents him? )

 someone who loves the band’s music & inflates his ego ab it

 someone he hasn’t seen for years that he’s reunited on the show & maybe they’re revisiting old feelings for each other??? and he wants it to be DIFFERENT this time but also theres shit tons of fucking cameras and shit which... makes things difficult...

first friend he made in LA or in the states in general, someone who showed him the ropes

someone who hates him / hates the band like PLEASE

and also just a straight up enemy maybe?? someone who finds him annoying as fuck??

FRIENDS!!!

literally anything just hmu and lay an idea on me and theres 90% chance ill be down

[gvbejvmes]

Drabble: Reflections

Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R Genre: Slice of Life Relationships: Gabriel/Johnny, mentioned Gabriel/Jill Disclaimers: Some of Johnny’s dialogue comes from the man himself. 

Friday, February 28, Opening Day of Reflections

7am

“Gabe?” Nik’s voice echoed through the gallery. “I really hope you’re in here and someone didn’t break in.”

Using a creeper, he was laying on the floor of the gallery, installing rods to support one of his pieces.  It was an intricate installation piece and he was terrified that due to the nature of the base, the glass bits were going to weigh down the base, break, shatter all over the floor, and he was going to be a disgrace in the art world.

“I’m in the inner chamber!” He called out. When she had left the night before most of the temporary display walls he’d set up to separate the sections of his show hadn’t been completely installed yet. Now her gallery was one giant maze.

There was no response for a moment, and Gabe figured that she was trying to orient herself. “How do I get there?” She called out in response.

“What room are you in?” The thin rods were weaved inside of the base to blend in so they weren’t noticeable to the viewer. He wasn’t sure how many rods he was going to need, but he figured if he weaved in at least ten, it would be strong enough. 

“I think I’m in hell.”

Gabe groaned. “Yep, I’m changing the lighting in there. I knew it needed to be brighter.” He huffed out. “Either walk past the wedding rings or come in through the back and come through the looking glass.”

It was quiet so Gabe figured she was maneuvering through the exhibits and got distracted. He went back to weaving another rod through when suddenly a  hand was on his foot, and he startled so badly that he almost broke the damn thing he was trying to fix. “The fuck.” He snapped out as he was rolled out of his piece. “You break it, you buy it. And my shit isn’t cheap.”

Nik just raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you sleep at all last night or were you here the whole time?” She asked, even though he was pretty sure she knew the answer to that. 

“It just needs to be perfect.” He said as he sat up. “All my shows are personal but this one is…”

“A love letter. I know.” She told him, giving his knee a gentle pat. “Go home and sleep. I’ll fix the lighting for you.”

Gabe shook his head. “I need to get that done, and I need to put the hands in this piece and-”

Taking his hands, Nik pulled him to his feet. “I know, Gabe. I’ve seen the footprint you provided.” She said pushing him towards the back. “I have to set up for the cocktail portion of the evening, too. I’m perfectly capable of finishing the things up here. You need to sleep.”

“I still have-”

Nik shook her head. “I’ll call your kids on you.” She threatened. “All three of them.”

Gabe groaned. “And you’ll follow my directions exactly?” And he regretted the question as soon as he saw the look on Nik’s face. “Fine, fine. I’m going, I’m going.”

9:51am

He was lying face down on his bed, George and Gulliver asleep on either side of him while Scully lay on her bed, snoozing away when his phone went off. Still more asleep than awake, he blindly reached for his phone and answered it with a tired, “Uh-llo.”

“Briel? You never responded to my text. What time am I picking you up tonight?” 

Still more asleep than anything else, he let himself drift back towards sleep. He knew that voice so it was okay to fall back asleep.  That was a good voice, a trustworthy voice. “Mmhmm.”

“Let me guess. You were up all night doing finishing touches on your show and you’re just now sleeping.” The other man theorized. He really did know Gabe well.

Gabe snuggled his face deeper into his pillow as he listened to Johnny talk. “Got kicked out.” He slurred. His whole life he’d talked in his sleep, and offered out pure gibberish in response to questions when someone woke him up. Chances were that he wouldn’t even remember this conversation. It wouldn’t be the first time he had a full conversation with Johnny and didn’t remember a single word. It probably also wouldn’t be the last time.

There was a warm laugh. “Briel, are you awake or asleep?” His ex-husband asked him, knowing very well from first hand experience what he was like when he was asleep.

“Yes. The sirens call to me to lull me back to the place of dreams.”

Another laugh. “Briel, who are you on the phone with right now?”

“JJM.” He mumbled out, letting sleep wash over him, going back to his habit of referring to people by their initials. He’d done it a lot when he was younger, which was how the kids wound up with their nicknames of CJ and DJ.

There was no response at first. “Who is JJM?” And there was a strange hitch to the other man’s voice. 

“Jonathan James-Michaels.” Gabe responded like it was a stupid question.

It was quiet and Gabe was almost fully asleep again before: “What time am I getting you tonight?” He asked tentatively. 

“5:30.” 

“At your place?”

The phone felt really heavy in his hand. He was going to be non-responsive any minute now.

“At CJ’s. GB wants to see our pretty clothes.”

He never heard Johnny’s response; he was already fully asleep again.

11:15am

Gabe’s arm was lifted and a little warm body slithered underneath before Bella put her head on the same pillow that Gabe was using. His granddaughter usually ran warm, but she was warmer than usual. 

“Dad,” Cordelia touched his face until his eyes opened and he was actually awake and blinking up at his youngest child. “Dad, I’m going to the tailor to pick up your outfit for tonight. Bella’s sick so she’s going to sleep here with you while I go run errands.” She kept her hand on his face until she was sure that the words made sense to him.

Yawning, Gabe sat up and laid on his back, Bella immediately readjusting and snuggling onto his side for warmth and comfort. “W’a ‘ime issit?” He asked tiredly, an arm wrapping around Bella so she wouldn’t roll off the bed. He had no idea where the dogs wandered off to.

“A little after eleven.” His daughter told him. “But go back to sleep. I’ll wake you both up when it’s time to get ready.” She reassured him before slipping out of the room.

“Family should respect my vampirism.” He mumbled out incoherently.

“I res-ped.” Bella agreed before they both fell back asleep.

4:45pm

“I don’t know what to wear.” Gabe whined as he ransacked through his closet. He was already dressed in the slacks that Cordelia had picked up from the tailor, and wearing a light blue button-up that Juliet had picked out for him. 

“Dad, the outfit you already have on is more than fine.” Cordelia tried to soothe from where she was flopped on his bed, Bella half on his pillow and half on her mom’s lap.

Bella nodded. “G’ampa looks pretty.” She agreed.

“You’re stalling, which is totally adorable.”

He made a face at his daughter. “I’m not stalling. I’m just nervous about tonight.” He admitted, pulling himself away from his closet and sitting on the bed with the girls.

Cordy shrugged. “I don’t know why you’re so nervous. It’s just a date, and you guys were married for like 10 years.” She said nonchalantly. 

Gabe blinked. “I meant about the show.” He said, giving her a weird look. 

“Oh. I don’t know why you’re nervous about that part. I would be more nervous about going on a date with my ex-husband.” 

He groaned. “Gee, thanks for that.”

5:30pm

“Why is he picking you up from here?” Cordelia asked as Gabe held onto Bella so she could put medicine in the three year old’s ears. She always tended to be slightly more agreeable when Gabe was involved in her medicine-giving, but only slightly.

Gabe shrugged. “I got a text when I was sleeping telling me he was, but apparently I was on the phone with him for five minutes when I was asleep so I probably told him to.” He admitted, petting Bella’s hair when she squirmed against him. “I probably figured I needed a chaperone.”

His daughter rolled her eyes as she scooped Bella away from him and started towards the back. “I don’t want to be your guys’ chaperone. Gross.” She murmured out. Cordy was half-way down the hallway to Bella’s room when there was a knock on the door. “Dad, could you get that? It’s probably your date!”

“Shut up.” Gabe grumbled out before doing as his daughter told him. He swung open the door, and then just stared at the man in the doorway. Now he knew why Juliet was so damn determined to get him in light blue; she wanted him to match her father’s eyes. “I feel like we’re fucking going to prom.” 

Johnny’s hands were stuffed into his pockets and when he looked at Gabe, really looked at him, Gabe found that he needed to hold onto the door frame for support. “You look better than going to prom.” His ex-husband murmured out, looking uncomfortable, like he didn’t know what to say or what to do in this given situation and then… “How are you feeling? You always used to get so nervous.”

A smile slid onto his features, all previous thoughts immediately dismissed. Years later and the other man still knew him better than anyone else in the world. “I still do.” He looked down at his feet, once again feeling like a teenage girl about to go to Prom with the Quarterback. “I’m feeling a lot calmer now.”

7:00pm

They’re sitting in the car outside of the gallery, and it’s taking everything in Gabe to not run away. This was probably the most nervous he’d been for a show in a very long time. When he first got out of prison, he’d opened every emotion he’d ever felt for other people to see, but lately he hadn’t been as raw, as open, as intimate with his art as he was in the beginning of his career. Hell, this is probably the most intimate and public he’d ever been.

“You’re terrified of what everyone’s going to think.” Johnny told him, staring out at the gallery, instead of looking over at Gabe. “What’s so different about this one?”

He ran a hand over his mouth as he thought about an answer that wouldn’t ruin the truth of what Johnny was about to walk into. When it came to his shows, Gabe liked to generally keep Johnny in the dark. His reactions to Gabe’s work was always one of the rare times where his features weren’t schooled, when his emotions showed all over his face. Those were his favorite reactions. “It’s more personal than usual.” He finally admitted. ��My heart is spread out there on the walls. Every ounce of it.” 

“You’ve gone through a lot. You used to tell me that’s what made the best pieces.” His ex laid his hand over Gabe’s and gave it a squeeze. His hand lingered over Gabe’s for a couple of extra moments, and Gabe wanted to grab his hand back when he pulled away. “I’ve wanted to ask how you are after… everything. After Jill, but I’m guessing I’ll get my answer in there.”

Gabe couldn’t help but to close his eyes, his hand already feeling cold. “I’m… probably less broken up than I’m supposed to be. I feel like it was the right thing to do for me, for her, and that I should feel guilty about ending things after they got so serious, after I got her hopes up for a happy ending.” He swallowed and glanced over at Johnny, chewing on his lip as he did so. “It’s not just stuff about Jill in there.”

The other man swallowed and then took a deep breath before making eye contact with Gabe. “Whatever it is, I’m not going to be upset.” He promised. “Unless it’s my ass again.” 

Gabe’s laughter filled the car.

7:15pm

The nerves returned as Gabe and Johnny stepped into the gallery. These were his familiar pre-show jitters. The ideas he had in his head didn’t always translate to other people, which was the risk that came from being an artist. Opening night meant translating his mind onto a canvas of some kind. Not everyone would understand his vision, which was so fucking nerve-wracking. Taking a deep breath, he took Johnny’s hand and they walked into the gallery.

He’d taken over the entire gallery, something that Gabe was incredibly grateful to Nik for allowing. She said it helped her more than it helped him, but he was still grateful for her and everything she’d done for him. As soon as anyone walked through the front door, they were greeted by a white display wall. Mounted on the wall were 15 mirrors, each surrounded by iridescent painted metal, surrounding the varying sized round mirrors like a cage. A 6”x6” sign was on the far right corner: Inside the Mirror, 2019, metal on mirrored glass. Gabe watched as Johnny detached his hand from his and wandered along the path, his fingers hovering over the caged mirrors, as though he was doing his best not to touch them,.

Inside the Mirror was the beginning of the little maze that Gabe had created. If the person walked to the left, they were led to a small room that had a half-wall of blown-glass flames, back lit by lights to make the guest feel like they were standing in fire. A 6”x6” sign was on the far left corner: Red Hot, 2020, glass. 

It didn’t look like they were in hell any more. Nik had shifted the lights down so the room was bathed in what Gabe would only describe as campfire light. It felt like flames were lapping at their feet, but not like Lucifer was about to come around the corner any more.

On the display wall opposite the glass wall of flames, there were three paintings. The first painting was mascara painted on a faded out mirror.  The was a 6”x6” sign to the right of the painting: Feminine Vulnerability, 2019. It was a pair of woman’s legs spread open with a blank space instead of being biologically correct. A smirk slid onto his features as he watched Johnny stand in front of the the piece, as he’d designed it to be an optical illusion. From this angle, it looked like he was going down on a woman. He didn’t know why it amused him so much, but Johnny didn’t stay at that one for very long before moving onto the next piece. 

The sign to the right of this one read: Fading Sunrise, 2020. It was a naked woman’s body from the thighs to the neck drawn on canvas in charcoal. He had a feeling that if he had included her face in this piece, Jill would have killed him. The body was painted out in watercolors. Starting in a light yellow at the bottom of the thighs and moving up to a deep red at the neck. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he’d always thought of Jill in shades of orange and red. She was fire in human form. 

The third painting was on what used to be someone’s oak dinner table. A hundred different wedding rings were painted out in melted chrome. Some were embedded deeply into the wood, while other ones were just barely on the surface. This one had taken months for get right. The sign for this one read: Wooden Rings, 2019. Of all the pieces in this room, this piece was the one that had Johnny’s attention. He stood in front of it for what felt like a long time, his fingers tracing over the rings. Sometimes Johnny was worse than the kids when it came to his work; he needed to be reminded to touch with his eyes. Something about seeing him with this piece though… He didn’t have the heart to tell him not to touch.

“There’s more.” Gabe murmured out, not wanting to speak too loudly in the quiet atmosphere he’d created. “This room leads to a bigger room, but I don’t want you to see the middle room yet. I need you to go back the other way.” 

He didn’t know how to explain it, but Johnny didn’t look like he was listening to Gabe, like he was in the current moment. It was like he was hypnotized by Gabe’s work, which left him very proud. “Why?” The other man finally told him, even as he was wandering back the way they had just come. “Stop worrying.”

The room to the right was laid out similarly to the left room. Instead of flames, there was a wall of blue ocean waves made out of blown glass, back lit the same as the other room. The sign for this one read: Cool Blue, 2020. As an opposition to the piece in the other room, this one made the person feel like they were standing in water, like it was lapping gently at your feet. Seeing Johnny standing in the middle of this room made his stomach do little flip flops. The lighting brought out the blue in his eyes just right, which almost took Gabe’s breath away. God, that man was gorgeous.

On the opposite wall, there were three paintings, same as the other room. The first painting was done on a sheet of translucent blue glass. It was very similar to the first painting in the red room, except this time it was a pair of muscular male legs painted out in car oil. Like the other painting, it was an optical illusion making it appear as though the viewer was giving head. Seeing Johnny stand in front of it, gave Gabe a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. It just looked… weird seeing him standing like that in front of his own legs. The small sign next to it read: Masculine Vulnerability, 2018. 

Thankfully Johnny didn’t stand in front of it for very long before moving onto the next painting. If Gabe was totally honest, this painting was probably his favorite of all the paintings he had on display. The plaque for this one read: Ocean Dreams, 2019. For once one of his paintings was actually on a traditional canvas. It was layer after layer of blue and white paint, giving an ocean effect. In the beginning he hadn’t actually known what he was doing, but when he realized what effect the layers of paint had, he kept going. It turned out quite good, if you were to ask him. Johnny’s fingers hovered over it, like he wanted to touch, but he behaved himself this time.

The third painting was done on an old wooden glass window with four panes. He’d acquired it last year during one of his wandering through antique shop adventures, but he’d been hanging onto it for months, not sure what to do with it. A few weeks ago it had hit him, and he’d worked on it feverishly until it turned into what his mind had wanted.  In each pane was hand drawn burned out divorce papers. He’d painted carefully onto the backside of the glass so that if someone touched the front, the paint wouldn’t smear or flake. The sign for this one read: Burning Regret, 2020.

Johnny stood in front of this one for a very long time, and when the meaning behind this piece, behind the show it him, it was like watching a light bulb go off over the other man’s head. “I…” He watched his ex-husband swallow. “What’s next?”

It took Gabe a stupidly long moment to realize that they were holding hands again. When had that happened? The only place left to go was the room in the middle - to the piece that Gabe had been working on in the morning. To be fair, there were three pieces in there, but Gabe was only really worried about one of them. “You can’t touch the piece in there.” He reminded Johnny, knowing the other man too well. “You’ll know the one I’m talking about when you see it.” He whispered out. “I didn’t do a weight test on it yet. Eventually it’s going to be interactive, but I wanted it to be ready for this show. There’s a lot of starch, and glue, and magic holding it up.” He gave his ex’s hand a squeeze. “You go in first.” 

The first piece in the room was his latest piece in the Mythology of Muse series, Hades & Persephone. It was glass painted into wood. Like all of the pieces in this series, the subjects were seen from behind, and they weren’t wearing anything clothing. This time it was two men, seen only from behind from the waist up. They’re holding hands, but their hands are burnt. One man was made to look like fire and ash while the other man was made to look like water with water lilies. The men balance each other out: fire and water, seemingly very different but necessary to the other to stay in check. Their bodies are tilted away from each other, but their heads are bent towards each other. 

Johnny stood in front of this piece for a very long time, and Gabe couldn’t help but to find himself wondering if Johnny understood what he was trying to say. As much as he loved his ex-husband, the man could be incredibly dense when Gabe’s art was about him. He never seemed to understand why Gabe found him so fascinating and why he was constantly a feature in his art. He hoped this time, he’d get it. Gabe thought it was pretty clear what the painting signified, but he was also the person who made it, so what did he know? 

The next piece in the room was a last minute addition. This was the piece he’d been obsessed with and made in the last week. He’d had inspiration after a conversation with Johnny and hadn’t been able to get the imagery they’d created during that conversation out of his head. It had been a couple of weeks ago, and Gabe had broken a mug. They’d stood in the kitchen of a house they’d designed together, but now belonged to Johnny. Blood had been pouring freely from Gabe’s hand while Johnny had stood between his legs, a cloth in hand as he tried to stop the bleeding. 

The sheer imagery of that moment, nothing longer than a few minutes, had bounced around Gabe’s head for days before he finally figured out a way to bring it to life. It had been his obsession this whole week. This was the piece Gabe had been the most nervous about. Every ounce of who he was and what he wanted to tell Johnny was poured out into this piece. 

It was an art installation piece, and there was a small stand with the plaque displaying the name: String of Fate. It was a sculpture of two hands made out of glass, and it looked as though they were balancing on nothing but red string. 

One hand was made out of white glass and the other hand was made of black glass. The black hand was holding the white hand, forming imagery of yin and yang. It went along with his theme of two things balancing each other out. The white hand had a cut in the middle and red string poured out of it like blood. The string wrapped around both hands and the string twisted around and around in circles forming a stand that held the two hands up. The metal rods he’d been weaving into the string that morning seemed to be holding all right, which sent a wave of relief over him.

Unlike his other pieces, Johnny barely looked at this one before he was turning away from it. For a moment Gabe was terrified that the other man hated it, but then he saw his face. His face was flushed and tears were on his face. Before Gabe could process what was happening, Johnny’s hands were on his face and he was kissing him.

It was like coming home after a long time. The nerves were melting away. They still had a ton of sh!t to talk about and work through, but all that mattered in the given moment was that Johnny was kissing him. 

When Johnny pulled away, all Gabe could think to do was wipe the wetness away from his ex-husband’s face as the other man gently cupped Gabe’s jaw. “This is my love letter to you.” Gabe managed out when he was able to say words again. “I take it that you like it?” 

Johnny laughed. “Yes, I love it.” And his lips were on his again. “I love it.” He repeated, his hands moving to straighten Gabe’s shirt. “And everyone else will too, but not as much as I do.” 

And that was all Gabe needed to hear for the stupid smile to slid onto his features. That was the only critic that Gabe ever cared about anyway.

“There’s another piece.” He murmured out, glancing back at Through the Looking Glass, an interactive piece that guests needed to literally walk through to get to the party in the other part of the gallery.

His ex nodded, and tugged Gabe against him. Suddenly Gabe forgot what they were talking about. 

9:30pm

The party was in full swing, and Gabe had long since been separated from Johnny. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t know where the other man was; he’d been able to catch his eyes from across the room all night. No, now came Gabe’s least favorite part, where he was being passed around from person to person. Weirdly enough, it reminded him of prison - that feeling of too many people in too small of a space. 

“Gabriel,” The art critic from the Times brought Gabe back into the present. “There seems to be an ongoing theme of duality in your pieces this evening. Is there a reason why you chose to call this show Reflections?”

He took a sip of champagne, if only to buy himself some additional time to think of his response. Why did these guys always assume that he had some sort of hidden meaning and philosophy behind his work? Thankfully over the years, he’d mostly gotten good at throwing random shit out there that the reporters tended to buy. 

“The duality theme is in reference to me and my exploration of my sexuality and what I wanted out of life. In general, every piece is a study of my own self-reflection. The past two and a half years have been about me figuring out who I am, what I want, and where my heart lies. Sure, there are mirrors. I’ve always enjoyed using mirrors as a canvas, but really all of this is a reflection of who I’ve become as a person.” And Jesus fvck. He needed to stop drinking soon. He always waxed poetic when he was buzzed and drunk.

The art critic ate up Gabe’s words and Gabe glanced around to see where Johnny had wandered off to. However, the next question had Gabe’s head whipping back to the critic. “Your break-up with D.A. Michaels was pretty public. Divorce tends to be messy when both parties are in the limelight. The political world and the art world are two very different scenes, but it was a pretty public breakup by New York standards nonetheless.”

Gabe didn’t know where the reporter was going with this, but he found himself finishing his drink and nodding anyway. “Yes, but we handled it maturely.” If anyone called one party losing himself in bottles and going to Hawaii with his legal secretary while the other got very very high at an artist’s retreat and then burning pictures from said Hawaii trip mature.

“I can see that.” The reporter said slowly, and Gabe just knew he was going to hate the next words out of the other man’s mouth. “Does your ex-husband usually come to all your shows? Or only when they’re about him?”

And suddenly Gabe wished he hadn’t finished his drink. What was it that Johnny had said when Juliet found him and Johnny hiding near String of Fate earlier kissing and wanted to know what that made them? “I won’t be answering any questions about Jay- D.A. Michaels at this time.”

10:15pm

“Dad!” Delilah looped her arms around her neck, her blonde hair smacking into his face. Yep, someone had definitely been dipping into the free booze. Dusty trailed behind her, obviously having been playing her chaperone all night. “There you are! I can’t believe you made all that stuff!” She leaned into him, and Gabe just laughed and gave his daughter a hug. “It’s so shiny!” 

“I think someone should be cutting you off soon.” He said with a laugh before turning his attention over to his cousin. To be fair, he wasn’t sure what his cousin was going to think about this show, especially given the subject matter. “What did you think of the show?”

His cousin shook his head. “I gotta say, I don’t entirely get it, but it’s intense.” He wasn’t sure if he was talking about the art or about Johnny. “Jill was going to come, but she’s sick. I just wanted to let you know that she’s not boycotting the show or anything.” He shrugged. “Although she’d probably be pissed seeing naked drawings of herself up there.”

Gabe took a sip of his fresh glass of champagne. He’d actually wondered if she was going to come tonight, but he wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t. She never had understood his art or his obsession with the human form. “Well, you’re the only other person in this room who knows what she looks like naked.” He said shrugging, as always not understanding what the big deal was with nudity. It was totally natural, why did people get so weird about it?

Dusty snorted as Delilah wandered off again after mumbling something that sounded a lot like ‘awkward’. “The pieces are dramatic like they were right after your divorce, but even more so.” And Gabe wasn’t entirely sure what his cousin was talking about until he tilted his head in Johnny’s direction. “Don’t you think it’s a little too soon after your break-up?” And Gabe must have made a face because his cousin rolled his eyes. “You’ve never been subtle when it comes to him. Besides, I saw you guys holding hands earlier. You have a weird thing about holding hands. What was it that you told me once? It’s one of the most intimate things two people can do?” 

Gabe found himself blushing, but he didn’t break eye contact with his cousin. “It’s like someone pressed pause on an old cassette tape. It’s a little warped, but it still picks up where it left off.” He told him, his gaze searching across the room to find Johnny again. “Excuse me.”

10:30pm

His back was pressed against one of the walls in the gallery, the light from the ocean room the only light. All he knew was that it was dark enough in the room that no one would find them, unless they were really looking for them. There were lips on his neck, a leg wedged between his, and a hand on his hip. For his part, he had one arm wrapped around Johnny’s neck and the other one on his ass.

“Think anyone will notice if we run away?” And at this point he’d had too many glasses of champagne and just wanted to be away from all the people.  

His ex was saying something, but Gabe wasn’t paying that much attention since he was kissing him, pulling back only to say one word before kissing him again. He was in sensory overload. All he could smell was Johnny, all he could feel was Johnny, and all he could taste was Johnny. In the back of his mind, he found himself wondering if he could taste the half a pack of cigarettes he’d smoked prior to Johnny picking him up. 

“Come home.” And Johnny wasn’t kissing him any more, but they were sharing the same air. They were so close that all Gabe needed to do was tilt his head up just right to kiss him again. The other man’s words caught Gabe off-guard. Home. That was such a foreign concept to him at this point. It was strange to think that after these years, Johnny still thought of the house as theirs. “Just for tonight, just so I can keep kissing you. Say yes and I’ll stop dragging you away from your party.”

Maybe it was the emotions of the day, or maybe it was the alcohol, but Gabe couldn’t imagine giving him any other answer than the word that poured easily out of his lips. “Okay.” And his mouth was on his again. “Okay.”

11:05pm

“Seriously?” Juliet groaned as she got a good look at Gabe who’d slipped out of the back part of the gallery before Johnny did. “What are you guys? Teenagers?” She wasn’t faring any better than Delilah in terms of dipping into the free booze and her shoes were long since abandoned somewhere. “Can’t take you anywhere.”

Her hands straightened out Gabe’s shirt. “I really don’t want to know what you guys were doing in there.” She murmured out before trying to tuck the tail of Gabe’s shirt back in. “But you have a hickey on your neck.”

“I do not.” He said with a half laugh, twisting his head to see if he could see what she was talking about. There was a small flash of purple, and he groaned. “Okay, I do. I’m going to kill him.”

Juliet laughed. “It’s good to see you happy, Papa Bear.” She said, hugging him tightly. “Both of you.”

He sighed. “Jules, we still have a lot to work through.” He tried to tell her, but his step-daughter just laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll check on your dogs tomorrow.”

“That’s awfully presumptuous of you.” He called after her as she moved through the crowd of people for another drink.

1:38am

Stumbling into the bedroom, he toed his shoes off and dropped his jacket on the floor before flopping face-first, ass-up onto the bed. Johnny had taken Felony outside, and between the booze and his weird-ass pre-show sleep schedule, he was fucking exhausted. Blindly he reached out for Johnny’s pillow and buried his face into the fabric, inhaling the familiar and comforting scent. He was halfway asleep when the bed dipped and there were hands on his hips. 

“Take your pants off before you fall asleep, Briel.” He was being manhandled onto his back, and if it was anyone else, Gabe probably would have fought them on it, but it was Johnny and he trusted him. Johnny straddled his legs and unbuttoned his pants for him as Gabe laid there, watching him. “Really? You’re not going to help me at all?”

Gabe shook his head, sliding his hands to Johnny’s ass and pulling him down on top of him. “Uh uh.” He said, hugging his ex to him, nuzzling at his neck. “Shouldn’t have drank so much. Wasted a good opportunity.” He slid his hands under the back of Johnny’s shirt to pull him closer to him.

“This isn’t the last time you’re sleeping here.” Johnny said with a laugh before freezing and pulling back to look at Gabe. “It isn’t, right?”

Gabe rolled them over so he was straddling Johnny’s stomach. “Not even close to the last time.” He murmured out before kissing him. 

They were both too buzzed for it to lead anywhere else, but if there was one thing Gabe had always liked, it was kissing Johnny.

4:45am 

“Briel.” The bed dipped and Felony yelped from where she had been curled up next to Gabe’s hip as he slept. She jumped off the bed at the intrusion and wandered out of the room. 

“The rabbits have escaped the compound, babe. I need to find them.” He mumbled out, trying to stay asleep. “I can’t go to school yet.”

Laughing, Johnny pushed him into a sitting position, despite Gabe’s groans of protest. “Wake up.” He slid behind Gabe, leaning against the headboard and pulling Gabe against his chest. Kissing the side of Gabe’s jaw, he smacked his thigh with a newspaper. “I have today’s Times.” 

Now Gabe was awake. “I don’t want to read it.” He whined out, burying his face against Johnny’s chest. “I don’t want to know what he thinks of the show. He hated it. I’m sure he hated it.”

Ignoring him, Johnny flipped through the paper until he found the section he was looking for, and then pulled Arts and Design out so both he and Gabe could see the article. “It’s tradition.” He said, which was why he had a paper copy and not a digital copy. “Now shush and let me read to you.”

Unable to look at the page himself, he closed his eyes and let Johnny read the article to him. “The Duality of Reflection: Marchette Gallery reopens with the hottest show in town.” Johnny nudged him. “That doesn’t sound bad so far.”

Gabe groaned, and opened his eyes. “Keep reading.” He whined out.

“There’s a sense of quiet upon walking into the Marchette Gallery. The gallery has been sectioned off into four main rooms, which is Gabriel James’ style - transporting the viewer into the dreamscape that is his mind. The lighting is low lit, forcing calm over anyone who enters the gallery.

“The first room is nothing but a white wall with a series of mirrors mounted onto it. The mirrors set the stage for the other rooms in the show. It’s at this point where the guest gets to choose their own path. If they venture off to the left, they find themselves in a red-themed room. Despite the harsh shades of red, the room exudes femininity, mixed in with James’ signature style of sprinkling vulgarity and crudeness into his pieces.”

“Ugh.” Gabe rolled his eyes. “Ever since the penis tree, suddenly my style is vulgar.” He whined out.

Johnny laughed, the sound and motion making Gabe’s body vibrate. “Briel, you have paintings up in this show that make it look like people are rounding third.” He pointed out, and Gabe didn’t have to turn around to know that the other man was smirking at him. “Anyway, where was I?”

“I have a vulgar style.” Gabe prompted, settling back against his ex again.

There was a kiss pressed against his shoulder before the reading continued. “According to James,” there was a nudge at his side as though to point out that the critic was now quoting him. “‘It’s always bothered me that soft, light colors are associated with women and femininity. Women are strong, powerful and beautiful. To me I’ve always associated women with fire: beautiful, but if you don’t touch it carefully, it’ll burn you alive.’”

Johnny laughed. “How drunk were you when they finally found you?” He asked, the paper shaking in his hands.

Gabe flipped him off. “Do I need to take over reading or are you going to do it?” He asked, half-turning his head to look at Johnny.

“If the guest goes to the right, they find themselves in a blue-themed room. Everything is soft and cast in shades of light blue. In spite of the soft colors, it’s very obvious that this room represents masculinity. The pieces in this room all have a theme, the jewel of this room being the overly textured Ocean Dreams,”

The sound that escaped Gabe’s mouth wasn’t entirely human. “Overly textured???? It’s just the right amount of fucking texture.” He hissed out, but Johnny ignored him and kept on reading.

“The pieces in the main room are the reasons for coming to see Reflections. ‘The middle room is the equivalent to my soul.’ James said in explanation to why the most striking pieces are the ones tucked away in the middle of the show. ‘These pieces are the most personal pieces I’ve ever created. As much as I overshare when it comes to my personal life, I like to keep some emotions bottled up and hidden. I finally came to a point in my life where I realized how stupid that was. I’m not ashamed of how I feel, and I need to share my feelings with the world.’“

Johnny stopped reading for a moment, and Gabe turned his head up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Keep reading.” He breathed out. “I need to know what he thinks of the other pieces.”

“The latest installation in the Mythology of Muse series is by far James’ best work in the series. The only other piece in the series that features a portrayal of James himself is Apollo & Artemis. James has said in interviews before that he doesn’t like including himself in his art so when he does, the pieces carry a deeper meaning than the ones without him in it. There’s a sense of awe that comes from seeing an artist included in their art - especially an artist like Gabriel James.”

Gabe closed his eyes, not wanting to see the paper any more. “I don’t know what he thinks about String of Fate. You liked it; that’s enough. I don’t need to know.” He said, almost nonsensically. 

Another kiss on his shoulder. “Yes, you do.” Johnny said before straightening the paper out again. “If you need one reason to see Reflections, go only to see String of Fate. Though all the pieces in Reflections are well-thought out and beautiful in their own right, String of Fate is James’ masterpiece. When art historians talk about James in the future, String of Fate will be the piece most associated to James. This will be the piece art students study.”

He couldn’t breathe. His eyes were open again, and somehow Gabe’s hands were clinging to Johnny’s arms. When had he even grabbed his arms?

“Reflections will be on display through the end of March at the Marchette Gallery. Can’t make it before April? Don’t worry. String of Fate and Hades & Persephone will be on display at the Metropolitan Museum of Art where Gabriel James will be the artist in residence throughout the summer season.”

Johnny hit Gabriel with the paper. “You didn’t tell me you were going to be at the MET this summer!” He accused.

Shaking his head, Gabe turned his head to look at Johnny. “I didn’t know.” He breathed out, looking at him in complete surprise. “Pants!” He scrambled out of the bed. “Where are my pants at?”

“The hamper.” His ex told him, before flushing as he realized what a married thing that had been to do. Gabe didn’t live there any more, but it seemed like Johnny had forgotten when he’d tossed both their pants in there. The simple gesture shouldn’t have made a grin appear on Gabe’s features, but it did none-the-less. “But I put your phone and wallet on the dresser where you usually, uh, used to put it.”

With shaking hands, Gabe unlocked his phone and scrolled through his texts, looking for the one from his agent, Sully. It felt like the air had been punched out of him as he read the text out loud. “Congratulations, G! We’ve gotten more than a dozen offers on your pieces, and a few museums that would like to purchase the rights to Ocean Dreams and Fading Sunrise for both display purposes and to print reprints for sale. We also received a generous offer from the MET for Artist in Residence. I know how you feel about the MET and your relationship with them so I told them yes, pending a contract review. I know you’re probably celebrating so I’ll call you on Monday. Congrats, again!”

He set the phone back down on the dresser and in a daze walked back over to the bed. “I... they... I...” Once again he was experiencing sensory overload. Not knowing how to form words, he instead crawled onto Johnny’s lap, straddling his thighs. Only knowing one way to express the sheer amount of emotions that were washing over him right now, he pressed his lips against Johnny’s, kissing him as hard as he could until he couldn’t breathe any more. Then he buried his face into the crook of his neck as he struggled to catch his breath. And was he crying? Fuck, he was crying. 

“I told you they were going to love it.” His ex-husband soothed, his hands trailing gently up and down Gabe’s back. “Not as much as I did, but I told you they were going to love it.”

He nodded against the other man’s neck, still unable to talk. Maybe it was the sheer amount of emotions put into the show, or from the stress of reading the review, or the lack of normal sleep he’d gotten over the past couple of days, but within minutes he was asleep, still clinging to his ex-husband like he was the only thing keeping him anchored to the world. And maybe in this current moment in time, he was.

[callmetippytumbles]

Home, A TRR Fanfic Series, Part 4 (MC)

Tippy’s note: So this would have been out sooner but I had one idea of what was going to happen and the characters had a different plan.  I kind of went with it and this is where I ended up.  Lot’s of flashbacks.  Again like Part 2, this focuses more on Halle than Liam.  Don’t worry he is coming and the real fun begins.  Anway, hope you like this one.

Disclaimer: Choices owns this and I do not.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Words Counted: 4,671 (Daaaamn! Issa lot!) Rating: PG Pairing: Liam x MC (Halle), endgame Trigger Warnings: Police Brutality

Tags:  @youwontlikewherewewillgo @sleeplessescapades @trianiasti @jasoncrouse @lizzybeth1986 @hopefulmoonobject @ayo-minty-jess  @flyawayblue56  @drakewalkerwhipped @drakelover78 @umccall71 

Summary: Halle adjusts to seeing Rhon again and confronts her mother

At least 11 years ago…

Halle and Rhon-Ron were laying under the big oak tree.  If they looked downhill, they could see the Freedom Baptist Church.  Whenever they needed to just talk, hang, make-out and just generally needed a place to be away from everyone but each other, this was where they went.  

Rhon was laying on the grass using his hoodie as a pillow while Halle was using him as her pillow, her box braids splayed across his chest.  The copious shade of the tree gave them plenty of protection from the late-summer heat.

“Do you have to go Halle?”

“Well if I tell my dad that I don’t want to go to NYU, he will be upset about the orientation that he paid for.”

“You could have gone to A&T.  It would have still pissed off your mom.”

Halle sighed.  “It’s not just about my mom.”

“But that is a part of it.”

While her mother’s disapproval was nice, it wasn’t the reason Halle told her parents she wanted to go to NYU even though up until her, they were a strict Howard family.  

Her parents met and fell in love at Howard, they graduated from there, her older brother Hakim graduated from there a year before.  To ask her parents there would be no Berrys if there wasn’t a Howard.  

When Halle got her acceptance letter in the mail, the tradition continuing was a foregone conclusion.  Then that night happened, and everything took a hard left.

Halle turned to look at Rhon.  If you looked at him, you couldn't tell that a few months ago he had massive swelling over his right eye from an orbital fracture.  

“It’s not that simple.  I am tired of being here, of having to explain my existence, of having to be afraid all of the time.  I just want to be somewhere else.”

“Are you tired of me?”

“What? Never,” Halle said.  She reached out to caress his face.  “I love you Rhon.  I always will.  I just can’t stay here.”

As much as she knew that her decision to go so far away for college hurt him, she needed to do it.  Halle couldn’t stay and be sane.  

Now...

Halle took Rhon in.  He was very tall, could stand eye to eye with Liam, which is saying something.  Rhon wasn’t the wiry kid she left when she went to NYU.  He was lean, but not bony.  His skin was exactly like Mama Reed’s, his dark umber skin was smooth and only served to highlight his large round eyes.  The same ones that Jaleesa had.  His hair was recently coiled like he was about to start growing locs.  

Mama Reed came out from the kitchen to greet her grandson.  Rhon still was holding his daughter while he and Halle stared at each other.  She placed a kiss on his cheek that went unnoticed.

“Look Rhon.  Halle’s back.  Doesn’t she look beautiful?”

“Yeah, Nana.  She does.”  He lowered Jaleesa to the ground.  “She always has.”

Halle hid a small bashful smile.

“Halle, you and Rhon-Ron can catch up over dinner.”

“I don’t know if I can--”

“Nonsense, Halle Yvette.” Mama Reed interrupted.  “You are staying for dinner.”

“Yes, Mama,” Halle reflexively replied.

“You two should talk.  Jaleesa could help me finish up dinner.  Come Jaleesa.”  The older woman gestured for Rhon’s daughter to come follow her.

“Okay, I guess they can’t just kiss and make up in front of me.”

“Jaleesa,” Mama Reed warned.

“Sorry, Nana.”  The girl quickly followed the older woman to the kitchen.  Rhon and Halle’s gaze followed her.

“Your daughter is certainly an interesting one,” Halle said.

“People used to say that about you.” He turned to look at Halle.  “Still do actually.”

Rhon pulled Halle in for a tight embrace.  They held each other for several moments before finally separating.

“It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. Or spoke.”

“It certainly has,” Halle said.  “How have you been? What have you been up to?”

“You know.  Surviving.  Raising Jaleesa.  I’m a mechanic, now.”

“You did always have a way with cars.”

“How about you Hal?”

“Me?” Halle put her hand on her nape.  “Well, I was in New York for a while, which you already know, somehow ended up in Europe for a bit, needed a break, and now I am here.”

“Europe?  Where in Europe?”

“You wouldn’t know it.  It this tiny country called Cordonia.  It’s off the coast of Greece.”

Rhon’s eyes narrowed, racking his brain for information that wasn’t there.  “You’re right.  I don’t know it.”

Halle shrugged.  “Neither did I.”

“How did you end up there?”

“It’s a long story.  Multiple volumes really.”

“I can tell.  You get this look on your face when you talk about it.  Like you are happy but exhausted.  Like how Shay used to look when Jaleesa was a baby.”

“Shay?”  Halle raised one of her eyebrows.   “Not Shay Walters.  That’s Jaleesa’s mother?”

“Yeah,” Rhon admitted.  “It just sort of happened.  I mean, it's not like we were talking at the time.”  He paused for a moment before adding, “No point in waiting for you.”

Halle flinched at Rhon directness.  “Right.”

Jaleesa ran into the living room.  “Daddy, Miss Halle, dinner is ready.  Also, Nana told me to give this to Miss Halle.”

The child held a diamond ring.  Rhon’s face fell as he looked at its brilliance.  Halle gave a nervous chuckle.

“I took it off before I washed your hair.  I must have left it by the sink.”

He gave Halle a careful look.  “No point waiting.”

They joined his daughter and Mama Reed at the dinner table.  Mama Reed offered grace, and everyone ate.  Tonight’s dinner wasn’t a whole Sunday feast, but it was still a reminder of home.  She made a green bean casserole, cornbread, and fried chicken.

“Mmmmm,” Halle said as she bit into the chicken.  “I missed this.”

“Lemme guess,” Rhon smirked.  “They don’t have southern fried chicken in Caldona.”

She finished chewing her bite before correcting, “It’s Cordonia, and they do not.  Most frying is actually pan-seared.”

“Cordonia?” Mama Reed asked.

“Don’t worry Nana.  It’s a secret European country around Greece.”

“It’s no secret.  Just small.”

“Well, it’s certainly big enough for you to have that rock on your finger.”

Halle nervously twisted the ring on her finger.

“I didn’t want to pry earlier Halle, but are you engaged?”

“Yes,” She paused while looking at the ring.  “No.”  A small frown appeared on her face as she shrugged.  “It’s complicated.”

Mama Reed had a frown of her own, “I see.”

The adults fell silent as Jaleesa’s utensils echoed in the room.

“Everyone is quiet now.” The child smack her mouth making sure that it did not have any food in it before continuing.  “Does this mean I can talk?”

“Just what do you have to say, Leesa?”

“I wanted to ask Miss Halle if there were king and queens in Cordia like they have in England.”

“Sorry about that Hal,” Rhon explained.  “Jaleesa is going through a princess stage, and she is obsessed with royalty.”

Halle nodded.  “Oh.  Yes, Jaleesa.  Cordonia has a king.  The king doesn’t have a queen yet.”

“When will he get one?  A king can’t rule without a queen.  He would be lonely.”

Halle’s smile faded away as she thought of Liam.  She wondered what Liam was doing right now.  How upset he would be with her for leaving.  She pushed those thoughts out of her mind, returning to dinner and Jaleesa’s question.

“He might get one.  We will just have to see.”

Another awkward silence fell on the room.  Halle didn’t know how to begin to explain her time in Cordonia to Rhon and Mama Reed who barely knew the country existed let alone reveal that Cordonia has a brokenhearted king and it’s all her fault.

The rest of dinner went on quietly.  Afterward, Rhon packed up Jaleesa to go to their home.  

“Will I see you again Miss Halle?” Jaleesa asked.

“I hope so.  If I do go back…” Halle paused for a moment.  She didn’t know where she would go if she weren’t going to stay in North Carolina.  She wasn’t ready to consider returning to Cordonia, but New York didn’t feel quite right either.

“If I leave, I will be sure to see you before I go.”

The young girl smiled as she got in the backseat of Rhon’s car.  He waved to Halle.

“It was nice seeing you.  Maybe we should catch up sometime.  Lay under the oak tree.”

“That would be nice.”

With that, he got into his car and drove off.  Halle stood in the driveway and watched him leave.  She stayed after his vehicle was out of sight.  Mama Reed tapped her on the shoulder.

“Halle, you have something sittin’ on your spirit.  You have been lost and adrift since I have laid eyes on you.”

Halle sighed.

“It’s late now, and you should be heading home, but do talk to someone,” the older woman urged, squeezing her shoulder.  “You can’t find your way if you let whatever is weighing you down hold you back.”

Mama Reed embraced Halle and went back inside for the night.

***

Later that evening, Halle was driving home.  It has been a long time since she had driven these roads at night.  There was unease about being out here.  Especially alone.   Her eyes were on the road, but her mind was elsewhere.

She and Rhon-Ron were on their way back from the party.  They took one of the back roads because it took them to the route towards both of their homes the fastest.  Time was of the essence since they were already out past curfew.  

“As long as nothing bad happens we should be home in about 15 minutes,” Rhon said as he put his foot on the gas.  

“I’m sorry about my coat.”

“It’s no big deal, Hal,” Rhon said.  He looked over at Halle.  “I can’t have my lady coatless.”

Halle looked over at him and smiled as she put her hand on top of his on the gear shift.  Rhon looked down before returning her smile.  They made it to the main stretch of highway and were almost 10 minutes away from getting to their neighborhoods when they first saw the flashing lights.  They kept driving since there was no indication that they should pull over.  That was when the siren went off.

Halle brought her mind back to the present as she took the final turn into her neighborhood.  Unlike New York, in North Carolina, the streets were dead quiet after 9PM.  After living in “the city that never sleeps,” everywhere else was eerily silent in comparison.  The only other time that Halle was met with this kind of unusual quietness was when she and Liam walked along the Seine late at night in Paris.  

“Tu es l'amour de ma vie,” Liam said to her.  

His gaze was soft and sincere, but the way his eyes never left her showed just how fervently he believed this.  Days earlier she wanted to go but deemed herself too weak to do so.  At that moment, however, she was under his spell.  The genuine kindness and sincerity that Liam spoke to her with always resonated.  Her mind, body, and soul were still drawn to him even when it hurt.  

Halle was sitting in her parents’ driveway.  She looked at her phone with the dozens of messages.  She looked under his name in What’s App.

Liam: 17 new messages.

Her mind drifted back to their last night in Paris. In his private box.

“I know it hasn’t been easy Halle,” Liam said to her. “I just hope that in the end, the good parts are enough to make the hardships worth it.”  He took her hand in his.

Halle kept her eyes focused on their joined hands before looking up at him.  Her eyes were filled with as much uncertainty as their current predicament.  

“Liam, we will have to see.”

His face fell, his eyes darted down to their hands.  Seeing the hurt that her lack of confidence caused stabbed Halle in the heart.  While the flash of pain he felt was hard for her to watch, she couldn’t lie to him and act like she was completely comfortable with where they are right now.  

Liam took his other hand and made it so that both of his hands were wrapped around one of hers.  

“I’ll do whatever I can to ensure that the rest of your time in Cordonia...your time with me makes up for it,” he pledged.  His eyes were steadfast and serious.  

Halle knew that Liam meant what he said.  She knew that he would devote a lifetime making up for it if that is what it took.  She just wasn’t sure if fate would let him, not that it mattered.  Halle loved Liam too much to dwell on that.  She wanted to focus on tonight and making sure there was a lifetime for them.  

Halle clicked his name and started looking over some of the messages.

Why did you run away?  Is it something I said? What did I do wrong?

Whatever it is, I’m sorry.

Please talk to me.

As she continued to read the messages her heart raced.  She felt his fear and heartache.  Halle looked up at her reflection in the rearview mirror. Her face illuminated by the phone.  The woman in the mirror looked back at her. The reflection still poked at her insides. It’s eyes demanding an answer.

So was it worth it? Can you live with you?

Halle mulled it over in her head.  All things considered, this could have ended much worse.  Her time as the other woman, a side-chick, ended with her getting the man in the end.  She won.  She got the man, she is wearing his ring, and soon she will be his queen.  Yet in the mirror, Halle saw anything but a winner let alone a queen in waiting.

She stopped returning her own stare and left the car.  As soon as Halle entered the house, her mother was waiting for her.  Joanne was sitting in Harrold’s Lazyboy, the recliner angled to the door.  She was in her bedtime attire, reasonably priced satin pajamas, her nighttime skincare sinking into her skin, and her steely grey strands wrapped up in a scarf.  The intensity of her gaze and the tightness in her jaw brought Halle right back to childhood.  It was like she was late for curfew all over again.  Joanne took a deep breath before she spoke. 

“Halle, we need to talk.  Please sit.”

The “please” was a formality, Halle knew that this wasn’t optional.  She cautiously walked to the love seat as Joanne rotated her chair to face her.  

“Did you have a nice time at Mama Reed’s? That is where you went isn’t it?”

“Yes, mother, I did see Mama Reed.”

“Was Rhon-Ron there? You know he has a daughter now, with Shay, and she is not out of the picture.”

“I am aware.  I met his daughter Jaleesa.  She is a lovely girl.”  Halle narrowed her eyes.  

“Did you want me to be bothered by this?”

“Not bothered.  I just wanted to let you know what you would be signing up for if you and he started again.”

“I am not looking to start anything with Rhon right now.  I just came home to take a breath and figure myself out.”

Halle and her mother have had plenty of arguments over the years.  Joanne didn’t always dislike Rhon.  When they were in high school, and Halle got the scholarship to Saint Mary’s was when her feelings about Rhon started to really change.  That was when the upward mobility project started.  

Hakim went through a similar thing when he was in his teens.  Joanne wanted him to be seen with the right kind of girl.  Someone with some pedigree and ambition.  Hakim brought only one girl home, and she definitely did not fit Joanne’s ideal.  Hakim just stopped, and Joanne never bothered him.  

Halle was different.  Hakim was happy to do as he pleased behind his mother.  Her father gave his silent support.  Halle did not want to have to do the same.  Since Halle did not wish for to Rhon to be a secret, he became a thorn in her mother’s side to this day.

“I am not saying that you are going to, but just if you were--”

“I am not,” Halle interjected.   “Mom you have always had this hang-up about Rhon.  He is a good person.  He didn’t do anything to you.  Why do you have this ax to grind with him?”

“Rhon is good,” Joanne admitted before adding, “you deserve better.”

Halle took a deep breath.

“Halle you may think you are better than me because you don’t think about whether a man is rich or poor, just if you love him.  Like it or not, that is only because you don’t want to admit that you have the choice because your father and I worked hard to make it possible.”

Her daughter shook her head, but Joanne continued undeterred.  “You have choices because your father and I worked hard to get to a certain place where they are available to you.  Rhon is nice and caring, but he has nothing to offer but trouble.”

Halle knew precisely what her mother meant when she said trouble.  She was talking about the night that she got arrested.

Harrold and Halle came in after several hours at the Goldsboro Police Station.  Luckily it was the start of the weekend, and they could sleep in if need be.  Halle and Rhon-Ron were detained for hours on charges of car theft and resisting arrest.  Rhon got the additional charge of striking an officer.  

Harrold went to the police station with a friend of his, Arnold Jenkins who was also his attorney and Reverend Michael Bishop chapter president of the Goldsboro/Wayne NAACP.  

They all met at the station and convinced the police to drop the charges under threat of public shaming for the illegal arrest, and a massive civil lawsuit against the county that would result in a multi-million dollar payout.  The Goldsboro Police was in no position to do that.  Especially after they recently paid out handsomely in a wrongful death suit the previous year.  The NAACP had a big part to play in that and would happily do it again.  The police would drop the charges, no records.  That came at a price.  The police would forget everything as long as the NAACP and the families did as well.  Everyone agreed.

Harrold was merely relieved that his daughter was home alive and in one piece.  He wished he could say the same for Rhon-Ron.  Mama Reed quickly took him to the hospital to get his eye looked at.  Harrold had not seen that level of bruising and swelling in person in his entire life, only in pictures.

When he and Halle came through the door, Joanne and Hakim were waiting for them.  Hakim hugged Halle and Joanne hugged them both.  

Joanne looked over Halle, she had some minor cuts on her face from being pushed into the ground, she was alright.  Once that was done she let her have it.

“I am glad that you are alright but what were you thinking striking an officer like that?”

“I didn’t hit him harder than he deserved.  I was defending myself.”

“Harrold and I taught you what to do when you are dealing with the police.  You and Rhon could have come home in body bags if they bothered to tell us at all.”

“We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You don’t have to with white people.  You not being a slave is enough.”

“Mother!”

“Don’t you raise your voice at me, young lady.  This is just another indication of your rebellion, and I have had enough.”

“Joanne--” Harrold interjected.  Joanne held her hand up to stop what she knew was coming.

“No Harrold.  I have had enough with you encouraging this.”  She looked at her husband with a fiery gaze.  “I am not having the ‘they are just young kids in love’ discussion again.  If it were up to you, we would have that discussion on our way to do our weekly visits to see our child at the Detention Center in Wayne County.  No more.” She finished with an emphatic gesture to signal that she was entirely done before turning back to her daughter.  

“Halle you are grounded.  Indefinitely.  You are not to see Rhon anymore.”

“That’s not fair!” Halle shouted.

She ran up the stairs crying with murmurs of Joanne and Harrold bickering in the background.  

“Mother, we have not spoken in ten years.  This is what you want to talk about?”

Joanne took a deep breath, “No.  You are right.  I’m sorry.  I am just worried about you.”

“Well, I have been fine for the last decade.  No need to trouble yourself.”

Her mother recoiled when she said that.  However wounded she was to hear it, didn’t stay on her face for long.  

“I know we have not always been close.”

“That is because you wanted to control me.  Turn me into you.  I am not here to relive your life mother.”

“I don’t think that.  But yes, I did wish you made some of the choices I made,” She agreed.  

“I love your father.  He is the love of my life.  I can’t be stupid and say that our relationship has been not only a loving partnership but an advantageous one.”

Halle watched her mother intently as she continued.  

“When I married your father in ‘79, it was for love.  Harrold and I barely had any money.  What we did have was ambition.  We both wanted to push ourselves further than our parents or their parents ever got.  We did that.  

With that shift comes choices.  I could choose things for you and Hakim that Harrold and I could never choose for ourselves.  We never had the picket fence and a yard to run around in.   You did.  You loved swimming, Harrold and I could support it.  I hoped that by you going to Howard, becoming a Delta, you would be around the kind of people, the kind of men, who could do that and more.  Rhon,” Joanne paused.  

She looked at her daughter across from her.  She could see not just her adult child but her younger self.  Halle’s eyes never left her mother.  Joanne took a deep breath and continued.

“Rhon, couldn’t do that.  He would be kind and love you, but never push you forward.  I was looking out for your best interest.”

“Mom, but I didn’t want that.”

“No,” Joanne accepted with a sigh.  “Do you want that now? With Liam?”

Halle perked up, and her eyes grew wide.

“I know about Cordonia too.”

“But how--”

“I found out one night after using the family computer.  I love Harrold, bless his heart, but he does not know how to clear the history.  I thought I would find porn and learn a few things.”

Her daughter shuttered at the thought.

“I have a marriage to keep... interesting,” she qualified and then added, “We didn’t last that long just because you know.”

Halle shook the thought out of her head.  Just some things a child should not know about her parents.

“Anyway, what I saw were all of these weird tabloid sites, and Harrold likes gossip nothing.  I decided to look to see why he was interested and I saw you.  At first, I was worried, but when I saw that you were courting a prince and now engaged to a king, I understood.”

“Mom, I--”

Joanne eyes went from soft and apologetic to fierce and determined in a flash.  

“Halle, I love you so much.  I want so much for you, but I want to be here for you, on your terms.  If you want to talk to me about Liam and Cordonia and why you left.  I will be here for you.  No judgments.”

Halle nodded, “Okay.”

Halle got up to go to her bedroom before she made it to the stairwell she paused and turned to her mother.

“Mom, do you ever wonder if you gave up too much of yourself to get to where you are?  Like you sold your soul?”

Joanne inhaled.  “I did.  I sometimes wonder if pushing to get to this place meant leaving behind a part of my identity, a part of myself behind.”

“Do you feel that way now?”

“No.  Harrold and I were still ourselves, but we did have to fight to keep the parts we wanted.  It’s why we stay connected to our community, Harrold chose to run his practice for lower-income families instead of specializing in cosmetic dentistry where it's more lucrative.  Besides, what was I looking to keep?  A stereotype?  I may be living better than my parents, but I am still who I am.”

“Staying true to yourself is a choice.  It’s one you make every day.  If you were less true to yourself the day before it doesn’t mean that you have lost yourself completely.  It means that today is a chance to take it back.”

Joanne let her words hang in the air as Halle took them in.  Neither of them moved and just let the silence be present between them as they usually did before now.

“I know it’s only just after 10:30, but I don’t keep late hours you young people like to do.  I am going to bed.” Her mother said getting up from the Lazyboy.  “I need my beauty sleep to maintain my youthful looks.”

Joanne hugged Halle and kissed her on the temple before heading to her room.  Halle followed.  

Laying in her bed Halle wasn’t sure what to make of it all.  Every time she wanted clarity, all she had in her head was noise.  She looked at her phone.  The picture of her and Liam on the lock screen stared back at her.  This one was from their engagement at the Statue of Liberty.  They were both so happy at that moment.  The two people in that picture had no idea that a traitor that sought to do them harm was in their midst.  That a few days later their best friend was going to have a bullet lodged in his shoulder, or that an orchard that was centuries in the making would lie in ashes.  They were just happy and in love.

She unlocked her phone and looked at more photos.  Lots of them were of her and her new life.  She looked up at her mirror in the darkness where the pictures of she and Rhon-Ron were plastered up.  She and Rhon were all smiles there too.  The smiles were different.  Halle’s with Rhon was so full it’s a wonder her face could contain it.  Then Halle remembered that that photo was taken before that night, and she is not a carefree teenager anymore.  Even with that knowledge, both people were her.  Knowing what she knows now, living through what she has lived through now doesn’t make her smile less genuine.  

She thumbed through more pictures on her phone and stopped on her favorite of Liam.  He was sitting in his favorite spot to view all of Cordonia that he shared with her.  His small eyes were narrowed in serious thought looking at all of the lands.  The people.  Even with all of that thought, his face was relaxed, there was no tension in his jaw.  His calm, reflective nature radiated through her screen.  Halle wished he was here now.

She opened up her WhatsApp and thought to quickly call him.  She dialed but promptly hung up.  What was she going to say after leaving the way that she did?  She couldn’t think of anything that didn’t feel wrong or somehow manipulative.  She closed the app and her phone and stared up at her ceiling until her eyes grew tired and she fell asleep at last.  

Part 5 [1 /2]

[davidcarner]

Reassigned Ch 12, Moving Forward

A/N: This chapter has been no-holds barred, come-dressed-as-you-are, Bowling Green Street fight between me, Sarah, and Chuck. I think I finally have this chapter the way I want. If it rambles, I apologize…Many thanks to angelgurl0, Zettel, and Steampunk . Chuckster for helping me with this one….I think I've got the last dangling plot point nailed down…Check back next week, it will probably change again….Seriously….It's like these characters are alive and just go off in their own direction…I give you Reassigned, Ch. 12, Moving Forward

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, or have any real computer skills

"I told you not to look at that," Sarah said, taking the file out of his hands. Chuck pouted at her, and she rolled her eyes. Things had slowed down the past few weeks for Bartowski Solutions. It had been the holiday season and there was very little companies were doing that needed his special skill set. Chuck had asked Sarah if bad guys took off during the holidays, because they had families too. That had earned a head shake and a grin. He swore he heard the word adorable. Before meeting Sarah he had taken adorable to be a bit of an insult. When Sarah said it, well, it seem to get her excited where Chuck was concerned. While he was bored he kept looking through her files she received from the CIA, reminding Sarah he had clearance. She told him he didn't have girlfriend clearance, that was something he couldn't dispute. He was convinced there were similarities in some of the files. Sarah told him there were similarities in all crimes but she did pay more attention to what he pointed out and made some notes.

"Sarah, I'm telling you, there are similarities in the file from an earlier one," Chuck insisted. "I do have a pretty good noggin." She came over and ran a hand through his hair, humming. "Uh, Sarah, that's hair, I was talking about what was under the hair." Sarah's hand grabbed his hair, not that it hurt him, but that she had his attention. His eyes got big, and her face was completely serious.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully," Sarah said. "This is how they get you. Something was already going on with Bryce, you, and Stanford. I will not let you get hurt. Do you hear me?" Tears were in her eyes. Chuck nodded.

"Sarah, I don't understand," Chuck said. "How can this hurt, what can one file do?" Sarah stared at him.

"I thought the same thing at sixteen," she said softly. She walked out of the room for a minute, and came back, holding a big file. She stared at him, and then at the file in her hand. "How bad could it get?" She took a deep breath and handed it to him. He stared at it, and then glanced at the name. Sarah Walker. He looked up at her. "That was the name the CIA gave me. I've had a ton of aliases, but that name is where they buried me. They hid me from the world with that name. Go ahead, Chuck, read it. I insist." The look on her face confirmed she insisted. She prepared herself internally. He had to know everything, if he was going have everything he wanted, and if the truth were told, what she was starting to believe she wanted as well. He opened it up, scared not to, and read the first report. When he finished he looked up at her, tears in his eyes. "Nineteenth report," she said, and he flipped until he found it. He read the report, looked at her, she nodded for him to continue, and read the next one, tears streaming from his eyes. He closed the file, putting it on the desk. This was it, he was leaving. It didn't matter, he had to know. "I understand if you have to leave," she began, when she found herself crushed against him, as he gathered her in his arms. The tears began to fall. "I've killed so many," she said softly.

"I don't care," he choked out. "I mean, I care." She looked up at him confused. He took a deep breath, considering his words. "This doesn't make me think less of you, Sarah. This actually makes me love you more. Sarah, you were taken from your family, made a weapon, and pointed at people."

"But it was my decision," Sarah replied. He gently pushed her away where he could see her face. She knew how untrue that statement was, and by the look in his eyes, he did too. "Chuck, how can you love me?"

"How can I not?" Chuck asked. She melted. She was done fighting, she was done wondering why and how. She was done questioning if he would leave her for her past. She was done wondering what it would be like to have a home, because right then and there, she had one. "Sarah, you stole my heart, and everything you do just makes it more and more impossible to get it back. I do want to read the rest of that file. Not because I want to hurt you, but because I want to know what hurt you, and do what I can to be there for you. Sarah, you said I'm in this, as your partner, and partners have each other's backs. I've got your back." Sarah gave him a look, he recognized that look. He really had some errands to run, but he was getting the feeling it was going to be a bit. "Uh, don't you have a report to do yourself?" It was at that point he had no idea what day it was or what time it was, because Sarah Walker's face was attacking his, and her body was pressed against his in ways that made his brain misfire. She pulled away and whispered into his ear, making his body crackle with anticipation.

"Chuck, we're going into that bedroom, and we're not coming out until I am completely satisfied, do you understand me?" Chuck nodded, ears red. "And Chuck, it's going to take a while. A. While."

-ooooo-

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Chuck asked, sticking his head back in the bedroom, quite a bit later. She gave him a scandalous smile. "Oh, for the love of Pete, Woman!" he said grinning.

"Chuck," she hummed at him. He shook his head, and she stretched. The lone sheet that was covering her moved in ways that made him want to crawl back in bed with her, but he had work he had to do. She gave him a grin, knowing what he was thinking. He fought off a head to toe blush. "I love you."

"Love you, Sarah," he said, and headed toward the Buy More, before he couldn't. He needed more supplies for his truck. He also needed a truck. Right now he was using an old car Sarah had found, and bought for him. He refused to take it as a gift, and was making her accept payments. She rolled her eyes each month when he gave her money, but she took it. He felt really bad about borrowing the money from her, and then he didn't, once she told him all the ways he could make the interest payments. She had gotten him to agree if they were to marry, he wouldn't make the payments anymore, if she agreed that wouldn't be the reason she decided to marry him. The look she gave him, he would not describe as loving. Money from the business was actually not the issue he thought it was going to be. He was stunned he was actually making money but he had to keep income flowing in. That was the reason for today's trip, he needed supplies.

He was really hoping Bryce was serious about giving him the employee discount at the Buy More. He pulled up in the parking lot and sat there a moment. He looked over at the Weinerlicious and thought how it would be a perfect storefront for his business, but he really couldn't have it now with Castle underneath. Besides, he had checked out the rent for storefronts in the shopping complex and he was out of his league, moneywise. He got out of the car, went inside the Buy More, and began to shop. As he perused the aisles, he felt more than heard someone behind him. He turned expecting to see any of the Buy Morians, but when he saw it was Carina, he was a little surprised.

"Curls, good to see you off your leash," Carina said, winking at him. "You're good with computers, right?" Chuck's alert system went off in his head. He nodded. "Think you could help US at my store?"

"What seems to be the problem?" Chuck asked. Carina looked around.

"Seems the Buy More ass man thought he could decode a thumbdrive," Carina said. "Turns out he released a virus, on our system. He's trying hard to fix it, but…" She gave him a look that spoke volumes. She didn't trust Bryce. Hell, no one on the team trusted Bryce, and Chuck knew that had to be a problem for him. He felt a little sorry for him, just a little. Bryce had the Intersect, he had Casey and Carina, but he wasn't performing the way he should. From what he'd overheard Carina tell Sarah, he wasn't processing some of the information the way he should be. Bryce was an action-oriented guy. Chuck was more of deciphering information, which might have explained why he did so well in the class he was accused of cheating in. Wait, could that have been a test to see who got the Intersect? That suddenly made some sense. In Bryce's eyes, this Intersect was supposed to be used by someone to take action according to everything Chuck had overheard, but that didn't make a lot of sense. If it were facts, information, and that kind of stuff in the Intersect, wouldn't it make more sense to be in an analysts head? Just like the military or government to take something intended for one thing and turn it into a weapon. Chuck remembered his earlier conversation with his girlfriend and realized how helping Carina might not make her happy. Chuck really didn't want to make his girlfriend unhappy. He didn't like it when she was unhappy. "Chuck?" Carina said. He had gotten lost in thought.

"Sorry," Chuck said. "Spastic Colon." And with that, Chuck ran to the bathroom. He found an empty stall, grabbed his phone, and called Sarah. "Sarah!"

"Hey, Baby, miss me," she answered the phone, her voice like honey. Chuck forgot why he called.

"Yes, yes I did," he replied.

"What's that weird echo?"

"Oh, probably the bathroom," Chuck replied. There was silence.

"Uh, Chuck, I don't want you to take this the wrong way," Sarah began, trying to figure out how to say this nicely.

"OH!" Chuck yelled. "OH GOD! You think I was calling you…OH! Oh no! No! I called you because we have a situation that you told me to stay out of, and I'm hiding, and I called you, and then you answered the phone like that and I got distracted and,"

"Chuck," Sarah said gently.

"Umm," he replied.

"You're spiraling, Baby," she said. "What's going on?"

"Bryce found a virus, apparently all sorts of nasty, and it's infected Castle's computer systems and Carina's asking for help. I told her I had a spastic colon, ran to the bathroom and called you. Help."

"Good job, Chuck," she said. She could feel him beaming. She thought for a second. "I'm torn, you can't hide in there forever because at some point she'll come find you and get you over there."

"I agree," Chuck said, with no shame.

"And you are the best at what you do, so that's one reason she wants you," Sarah continued.

"Sarah, Bryce…Bryce is struggling," Chuck said. "If we don't help him they're going to throw him in a hole."

"Chuck, I don't want them touching you," Sarah said. "At all."

"What if I just do nerdy stuff, in Castle?" Chuck said. "I'm no spy." Sarah laughed.

"Chuck Bartowski, you have no idea, do you?" she said. "No, you're not a spy like they think, like they would define one, but the things you can do with the computer, your charisma, just your natural charm…they don't stand a chance. If that's not being a spy, I don't know what is."

"Seriously, are you trying to get into my pants, because you're working way too hard here," he said. She laughed.

"I'm on my way there," Sarah said. "Do what you have to for Carina, but don't sign anything."

"What if it's a declaration of my undying love for you?" Chuck asked. There was a pause.

"Now who's trying to get into whose pants?" she asked.

"Love you, Sarah," he said, grinning.

"Love you," she replied, and hung up. She hurried to her car. It was a ten minute drive to Castle, she could be there in five. Chuck left the bathroom and Carina was waiting for him when he got out.

"I mean I joke about getting permission to go to the bathroom," Carina said with a grin. Chuck made a snide "ha-ha" face, and went with her to the Weinerlicious. Carina took him downstairs and Chuck saw Bryce standing at a computer terminal. He looked run down. Casey was glaring at him. Bryce looked up and saw Chuck.

"What is he doing here?" Bryce barked.

"Saving your ass, again," Casey replied. Casey nodded his head toward the computer and Chuck gave a nod, fearful of speaking. The air was tense as Chuck pulled up the code. He looked at it for a moment, and then began to type and talk to the computer.

"Oh, that's nasty," he muttered. "Oh, niccceeeee. That's kinda impressive, but I'd of done this instead….hey, gonna fight me?" He was grinning like a kid in a candy store. He was getting into it, when the door at the top of the stairs flung opened and crashed against the wall and there stood one madder than a baptized cat, Sarah Walker.

"MILLER!" She growled. Casey took off like a flash with Bryce behind him.

"Blondie," she began.

"Don't. Blondie. Me!" Sarah said. "WHY?"

"Because we need help," Carina admitted. "And not just with this virus, this entire thing is going downhill fast." Sarah narrowed her eyes. "I want both of you on board as analysts. Bryce doesn't understand half of what he's seeing."

"Carina, quick question, did that class I got accused of cheating in have anything to do with the Intersect?" Chuck asked. Both women stared at him, one in shock, another with love, pride, and a lot of lust…a LOT of lust.

"How did you know?" Carina asked.

"Because it would make sense for Bryce to get me kicked out of that class if he wanted the Intersect for himself," Chuck began, still typing. "Think about it, it was all about recognition, and what else is this thing you're talking about but a computer flashing images through your brain. Bryce didn't do that well, not because he didn't see them, it's subliminal imagery, he saw the images, he just couldn't connect them to the files and make the connections."

"Wait, you're saying you'd be a better Intersect than him?" Carina asked.

"NO!" Sarah yelled.

"You're damn right, no!" Carina said. "What kinda Godspy would I be if the father of your child is given that thing? Chuck, you don't ever mention this to anyone except the three of us." Chuck nodded. "So, Bryce is seeing the files, which makes sense, he's just having trouble connecting everything together."

"Which is why you can look at the files and making connections," Sarah muttered. "Damn that sexy, big brain of yours!"

"AH-HA!" Carina said, and went to a safe. She pulled out files and dropped them in front of Sarah. They were all the ones she had worked on in the past few weeks. "He's figured these leads out, not you." Sarah closed her eyes. "Blondie, listen to me, if I figured it out, they'll figure it out."

"Pbbfftt," Chuck said. "You can play crazed sexpot all you want, Carina Miller, but I see through it," he said, chewing on a Twizzler. "Oooooo, this one is particularly nasty," he muttered to the computer. He realized both women were staring at him. "We all know that you use that disguise of Carina Miller to appear to be brain dead, meanwhile you are making calculations in that pretty little head of yours to figure out the best outcome."

"You're boyfriend just called me pretty," Carina said to Sarah. Sarah shrugged.

"He's right, about all of it," Sarah added. "I think I know where you're going with this." Carina winked. "I join up as an analyst, he's a civilian contractor."

"Yep, but you missed the best part, I get to make the Weinerlicious, Bartowski Solutions," Carina said. Both women were watching Chuck's face as he slowly turned toward them, realized they were watching and whipped his head back. "Chuck's storefront is an even better cover for all of us. I work as the receptionist, you're in charge of marketing and sales, like you really are."

"She's good at it too," Chuck said.

"How did you know?" Sarah asked.

"You make doodles on your notepad, and I use my pencil to rub the next page," Chuck said, shrugging. He bit off another part of the Twizzler. "So, I run my business, help out with nerdy stuff, and sometimes I look at intel but we don't tell anyone and Sarah turns it in under her name?" Sarah and Carina shared a look.

"Carina, I have a feeling there's more than that," Sarah said. Carina looked away for a moment, and then shook her head in disgust.

"Bryce is going downhill fast, and Chuck here is the only one that can save him," Carina admitted. "He's not that far from the bunker." Chuck looked over at Sarah.

"Sarah, this is your call," Chuck said sincerely. "This is one of those times you know much more than I do."

"About people? No, Chuck, it's not," Sarah admitted. "Carina isn't going to give you up to the wolves, she's got you. Casey respects the hell out of you. The only person here who has any issue with you is the one person you're trying to save, Bryce."

"Don't you think it's going to get weird though, all of us here?"

"Chuck, it's already weird," Sarah pointed out.

"Soap operas think this whole thing is farfetched," Carina added. "I mean, can we appreciate the craziness, Chuck and Bryce, former roommates, Bryce gets him expelled from college, Bryce dates Sarah, Sarah gets pregnant, and then meets Chuck. Chuck dates Sarah."

"You forgot where Bryce 'died,'" Chuck said with finger quotes. Carina nodded.

"Chuck and Sarah FINALLY sleep together, Bryce comes back from the dead."

"Finally is right," Sarah muttered.

"I'm sorry I had those issues," Chuck said honestly. Sarah smiled at him, and Carina made a gagging motion with her finger.

"Super computer loaded into Bryce's brain," Carina continued. "Chuck saves Bryce's ass, Chuck moves in with Sarah, Sarah and Chuck have baby and live happily ever after." Sarah turned to her.

"You don't know that," Sarah said.

"The hell I don't," Carina replied. "It's my wedding gift to you."

"Sarah's not sure she wants to get married," Chuck said, hitting a button in satisfaction. "It's gone, and I've uploaded a better virus countermeasure. It wouldn't have stopped that, but it's better than what you have." He turned, looking pleased. Carina was grinning, and Sarah was frowning, thinking.

"Like I said," Carina said with a grin on her face. "My wedding present to you." Chuck looked at Sarah, who shrugged.

-ooooo-

"Honey," Chuck called. Sarah popped her head out of the hallway. "I'm home," he said, grinning. "So, interesting proposal from Carina today, right? I mean it's a shame too, that storefront would have been nice."

"Yeah, and you know what's nicer, you wouldn't even have to always go in, Carina would be there answering the phones, unless they had a mission, it's a great set-up," Sarah said. Chuck had followed her into the kitchen where she was baking something and was checking the oven. Chuck was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed, watching her. She stood up, turned, and studied him. "Wait, it's a shame?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to," Chuck said. He straightened up, walked over to her, and put his arms around her. "After what you said today, I can't. I can't do that to you."

"I've been thinking," Sarah admitted. "It's not the worst idea." Chuck gave her a look. "Hear me out. The storefront would be great for business. You are literally giving them a civilian cover, and I've gone over those forms five times, the government has no say in anything."

"Sarah," Chuck began. Sarah shook her head.

"Listen, Chuck, if I thought for a minute this was bad, I'd tell you. Plus, Carina needs this and she's going to protect you." Sarah looked him right in the eyes. "Babe, she's all in with us on this. You and I will never be in the field. Anything you do or see goes down in my name."

"He's going into the bunker isn't he?" Chuck asked. Sarah nodded. He looked up at the ceiling.

"It's even worse than Carina's letting on," Sarah admitted. "We're getting a six month contract. Bryce could be in a bunker before then if we don't figure this out, quick."

"I am literally saving Bryce Larkin's ass, this is getting a bit ridiculous." He blew out a breath.

"Chuck, you know I'm okay with him going to the bunker," Sarah said. "Right?"

"I mean I'm trying hard not to get jealous here, but part of me wonders," he began but the look on her face made him stop. She wasn't mad, she was upset with herself.

"Chuck, Carina is the AIC," Sarah began. It then dawned on him.

"And if this goes bad, it's gonna fall in her lap," Chuck said. Sarah nodded. "That's the dumbest thing ever, she has to try to control Bryce?" Sarah shrugged and blew out a breath. Chuck ran his hand through his hair. "Okay, here's the deal, can I get out if I need to?" Sarah nodded. "Then if something smells funny, you think something is off, or whatever, we walk away."

"Are you sure?"

"Sarah, I'm not putting us in a spot where something could happen to our daughter, or you," Chuck said. "And I know you'll protect me." She grinned wickedly.

"I think maybe I should go practice protecting you right now," she said, grabbing hold of his belt loop and dragging him.

"I'm not sure that's protecting me," Chuck said. She raised an eyebrow. "But you are the protection specialist."

"Don't you forget it, Mister," she said, grinning. Chuck stopped, and gently grabbed her waist, spinning her into him. She looked up at him, surprised.

"Never," he said softly. "I'll never forget everything you've done for me, and will do for me, and our family, whatever that looks like."

"You seriously want me to marry you?" she asked, just above a whisper.

"Uh-uh," he said. "Not until after the baby do we have this conversation."

"Chuck, I love you."

"I love you, Sarah." She grinned wickedly, grabbed his hands and pulled him into the bed room.

"Did I ever tell you I'm more of an action kinda girl?"

"You've mentioned it once or twice," Chuck replied grinning.

"Let me show you," she said. And she did.

A/N: Before we go, Congratulations Yvonne Strahovski on your Emmy nomination. A lot of us around here know that is a long time coming, and you've been amazing forever. (No, I know she's not reading this…she's not, right? Oh…Oh boy….)Hope you liked it, reviews and PMs are always welcomed…Til next time!

DC

[southasianhandicraftdotcom]

Vipassana Meditation – My Journey

First time I heard about Vipassana Meditation in the Kopan monastery when I was taking a November course in November 2017.

November Course at Kopan Monastery

It was One Month Meditation course, based on the teachings of Shakyamuni Buddha. We got Lam Rim book and the course was based on the content of that book. The course was full of learning about Body, mind, and speech; and meditating on Karma-the law of cause and effect, Impermanence, death, guru devotion, rebirth, the Three Jewels: Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, the Four Noble Truths, the nature of our Mind, Conventional and Ultimate Truth.

During the whole month, we have to follow Five Precepts i.e

-to abstain from killing any being

-to abstain from stealing

-to abstain from sexual misconduct

-to abstain from wrong speech

-to abstain from intoxicants

It was also a great place to connect with people having an interest in spirituality, how we can become a better person through reflection and understanding concepts like; Emptiness; Samatha, Equanimity, Bodhicitta. Lama Zopa Rinpoche, the founder and spiritual director of Kopan and the FPMT taught during the last 10 days.

In Kopan, I understand all these concepts on an intellectual level. It was an experiential course and when I was meditating on rebirth, I experienced something at a deep level. I don’t have words to explain that.

Some of my group mates and spiritual mates were talking about Vipassana meditation during our group discussion. I heard the word Vipassana for the first time and got curious. I was able to know from my research, that anyone can learn Vipassana in Kathmandu, Nepal.

Random pic from November Course. These pic are taken at the end of the course.

In 2018 I went to India for my exchange studies. In mid of 2018 after coming back from India, I went to Vipassana for 10 days in Buddhanilkantha after registering in Jyoti Bhawan, Kathmandu.

1st time Vipassana

The first day (The day you enter the compound where the course will be given) is zero-day. That day, my orientation was given by Rupa Jyoti (former assistant finance minister of Nepal during the reign of King Gyanendra Shah) in Jyoti Bhawan.

From orientation day to last day, we have to follow the same five precepts i.e

-to abstain from killing any being

-to abstain from stealing

-to abstain from sexual misconduct

-to abstain from wrong speech

-to abstain from intoxicants

When we entered the compound of Buddhanilkantha, The noble silence needs to be maintained. Noble silence means no talking, no smiling, no glancing, no notes, no gestures or any attempts to make communication in any form. Communication with the assistant guru and server (Volunteers) at a defined time is allowed but it is recommended to keep it as minimum as possible.

I was a very talkative guy who will just open his mouth on a minuscule thing. It was very difficult for me to maintain my silence. But I tried.

On the second day (it’s the first day of the course), the silence was everywhere from the mourning 4 am till 9 pm. I wasn’t a morning guy so every morning a volunteer comes to wake up me (Thanks to him). Someday he was coming two times in the morning to just wake me up. The first day was Ok. I tried meditating and sitting down for a long time. This is the day, They will teach you Ana-Pana meditation. It is a meditation where one has to sit down in meditation posture and observe his/her breadth. No judgement about the breadth, no question about the breadth, only observation.

All I was doing was trying as they were saying in the speaker. Everything was fine. I was listening attentively to the discourse of 7 pm- 8:30 pm by S.N Goenka. The discourse was a summary of the whole day meditation. His lecture was very useful to understand dhamma or dharma.

If you have to define dharma, you can say, the dharma of fire to burn. If it’s not burning, then it’s not fire. The dharma of Ice to be cold, if it’s not cold then it’s not ice.

On the experience level; I wasn’t experiencing any change. I was just trying my mind to focus on breadth. I was just becoming an observer of breadth. Thousand of different thought about the past or future were coming and going and I was just trying to make my mind observe my breath. I was trying only but I was unsuccessful a thousand times due to lots of other thoughts.

The first three days you do Ana-Pana. I was not understanding much about why I am doing what I am doing. On the third day, I was fed up with the routine and talked with the guru about the distractions of thought during meditation. The guru said it’s normal for the first-timer. Don’t worry much. I started going with the flow.

On the fourth day, you get Vipassana and you start doing Vipassana. Vipassana is making your mind observe the sensation (Any kind; it can be vibration, heaviness, lightness, sweaty, basically any kind) happened all over the body. You start from head to toe. You should start in order so that none of the body parts gets left out.

After that interaction, I was just enjoying donated good meal, good sleep, and the silence around. Not taking much tension about distracted meditation.

On the seventh day, I felt like I should leave the centre and I talked to the volunteer who was always coming to my room in the morning two times in 30 minutes to just wake me up. I said, “I want to leave because I am tired of doing this meditation, I can’t go longer. My different thought is distracting me so much that I am not even able to observe my breath for 5 minutes in one-hour sitting”. He said, “it’s OK. Look, you have completed 7 days. 3 days to go. On the 10th days, you are allowed to talk. You just have to stay silent for the coming 2 days.”

I thought, If I leave without completing the course, I will regret the decision later. I just don’t want to have any regrets in my life. I continued. Those two days, I was skipping meditation session by tricking volunteer (I wouldn’t recommend anyone to do that.) Somehow I finished 10 days Vipassana course.

On the 12th day, you have to donate so that other coming students can have a meal and other facilities. The whole organisation run on donation. There is no fee or any charge. Everyone donate according to their financial condition. Some donate their time and become a volunteer to serve others during the course.

I came home on the 12th day. I wasn’t observing much changes in my behaviour. I was practising the meditation in my room. After 1 year, When I was reflecting on my life one day. I realised so many changes in my behaviour, attitude and a deeper level. That year was very productive.

I got interested to go again for 10 days Vipassana course. This time, I and my friend applied for February 2021 in January for Budhanilkantha and the location was full but they recommend me to apply to Kotadada, Lalitpur. It was unknown territory to me but I was excited to visit a new place. We applied and got our seat reserved. We went.

2nd time Vipassana at Koatdada, Lalitpur

All the facilities are great. There are only 8 Sadhak (male student) and 8 Sadhika (female Student). This time, I was a bit serious. I was trying hard to meditate and make my mind focus on breadth for a long time. Sometimes, I was doing the wrong way. Assistant guru Shree Suresh Shakya Ji was calling me for a private meeting. He was asking me about my unusual breathing. He was guiding me the right way. Slowly, Slowly, I learned the right way.

Vipassana is effective way to throw our negative emotion like anger, hatred, lust, fear from inside and stay in equanimity. From my experience, when I get fear, my breath isn’t normal, the sensation in my body is also not normal or it’s completely different.

That fear can be taken out if I just focus my mind on my breath and observe the sensation of my body without doing any reaction. The reaction is the action of body, speech, and mind to overcome any feeling like fear, anger, hatred, abused, or lust. I found that after a few minutes of just observing my breath, my breath becomes normal, the sensation in my body also become normal. That feeling (fear) has thrown out and I am not disturbed/distracted by the same feeling. If I am getting the same feeling again, it is due to other reason.

That experience shows that my feeling and sensation of my body is temporary (impermanent). This is something I felt at my experience level. According to the discourse of S.N. Goenka, If One continue doing Vipassana, One can experience the whole body is made of minute particle which gets created and destroyed in the speed of light. That is emptiness.

I finished the course and came back home. I do Ana-Pana and Vipassana every day.

Benefits of Vipassana in my life

1. Have decreased my stress.

2. I don’t react.

3. Decreased my sleeping quote

Recommend my friends and family to learn Vipassana Meditation.

Random pic. These picture are taken at the end of the course. I have to live like a monk during the course, keeping my need at minimal.

Disclaimer: The author takes full credit and responsibility for the views presented in this article. South Asian Handicraft does not endorse a particular meditation over another.

[spiftynifty]

LGBT representation in Voltron

UPDATED: I realized I wasn’t coming off as neutrally as I’d like and there were hints of shipping peeking through. I also didn’t feel I had expanded properly on certain aspects. I’d like this particular post to be as neutral as  possible so that it’s accessible to people from all ships and headcanons.

I’ve seen a lot of discussion lately about LGBT representation in Voltron. From shipping wars to insistent demands that headcanons be fulfilled, it’s all getting a little bonkers. I wanted to step back, encourage everyone to take a breather, and discuss the potential of any LGBT on the show, including and excluding popular expectations. So here we go, a post on LGBT representation in Voltron and in cartoons, and why it's not as simple as we'd like it to be. It’s a little long but don’t worry, there are pictures! AND A COMIC!

DISCLAIMER: I do not work on Voltron, nor do I work for Dreamworks or any of its properties. I'm just an animator who's worked on dozens of cartoons for a number of studios and the following is based on my experience in this industry. This post is NOT meant to indict any of the parties involved in the creation of Voltron or other cartoons. Making cartoons is a complicated, collaborative process and no one is a villain.

Here we go:

Before we can talk about LGBT rep & Voltron, we should probably talk about LGBT representation in cartoons in general. In case it isn't clear, I'm speaking specifically about Western cartoons that primarily air in Canada/US. Anime is a whole other category and one that Voltron does not fall under. I'm also removing cartoons that were made explicitly for adults.

LGBT in cartoons is a really recent development. If we include adult cartoons it can date back as far as 20 years (South Park showcasing some SUPER GREAT gay stereotypes :|) but if we're including cartoons geared towards kids (age 5-17)... we're talking this being a thing in the last FOUR years. And the number of times it's been done is so minimal, it can be summed up in these few images:

(left to right, top to bottom) 6Teen, 2010 CANADA ONLY - An incidental female character revealed she liked women. I don’t think this show ever aired in the States but it ran on Teletoon for years. The show also had an episode with an incidental gay character in 2008. Gravity Falls, 2013 - The sheriff and deputy are repeatedly hinted at being in a relationship. I believe in the series finale their relationship is more clearly identified. It was later confirmed by the show’s creator.

Legend of Korra, 2014 - The two female leads, after having previously dated the same male character, are strongly implied to now be dating each other as they hold hands and walk into the Spirit World together. This was as explicit as they were allowed to get with their relationship. The comics continue their relationship romantically and also highlight other characters from both series who are (or were) LGBT). Steven Universe, 2013 - The show doesn’t shy away from its LGBT romances, in particular Ruby and Sapphire and Pearl and Rose.  Star vs The Forces of Evil, 2017 - in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it panning shot, two background male characters are seen kissing.  Clarence, 2013 - The main character has two moms. In one episode, a handsome male background character is shown greeting another man for a date by kissing him on the cheek. Initially they were supposed to peck on the lips until other countries’ censors demanded the change. Loud House, 2016 - The main character’s best friend, Clyde, has two dads. 

I’m also going to toss out an Honourable Mention to Adventure Time for Princess Bubblegum & Marceline, whose past romantic relationship was sort of hinted at in the show but only confirmed outside of it. 

If we take that list and cut it down to just (broadcast TV) primary or recurring characters, we're left with this: Korra, Steven Universe, Clarence

I should also mention that while I repeatedly use the term LGBT, what I’m really referring to is more LGB. I would love to see a trans character in a broadcast cartoon. I’ve heard Amazon’s Danger & Eggs has a trans character, which is AMAZING and a solid start. However progressively speaking, broadcast cartoons tend to lag a little behind live action TV and movies aimed at older teens and adults, and those genres are still struggling to feature trans characters. 

So why is this?

Firstly, and more importantly, a lot of these shows air in countries that aren't nearly as open about LGBT as USA/Canada are. To say "screw those guys! They should keep up with the times!!" is to cut out a major consumer base and most companies are unwilling or unable to take that financial hit. This doesn't make them evil. Animation, just like filmmaking, may be an artform but it is first and foremost a BUSINESS. Major companies like Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network won’t lose money, but the production studios they hire to do their shows will suffer the brunt of it and could lose the business of these powerful corporations. It’s happened time and time again that a show initially animated in the US or Canada has been taken away from that studio in favor of a cheaper, overseas option. In some cases they’ve closed. 

Second, even in 2018 there is still a lot of pushback from homophobic or “family-oriented” groups with decent clout and numbers. Also, there is a strange pervasive idea that LGBT is something that is Not For Children, likely because too many foolish people still associate heteronormativity with love and everything outside of that with sex. 

Additionally, you may have noticed that on the list of the three shows showcasing LGBT relationships in a primary or recurring character way... ALL of them feature women. The social discussion about why that is honestly merits an entire other post (or 5) so to put it plainly, broadly speaking, people tend to be more comfortable with female queerness over male queerness. We have yet to see a m/m relationship that has any iota of history or character development behind it, or a recurring queer male character.

With this in mind, Voltron, which features a primarily male cast, and thus has more chances of featuring a male LGBT character, has its work cut out for it.

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Fresh off the heels of Korra, a series that in the 11th hour featured the two female leads ending up with each other, it's no surprise that showrunners Lauren Montgomery and Joaquin Dos Santos( along with other cast and crew) have fielded a barrage of questions about their intention to depict LGBT on the show. At NYCC when asked about it, this was JDS & LM's response: "It's very important to us... we’re fighting to create as open and as broad a spectrum of characters as we can."

Which is a pretty interesting way of putting it, and a pretty understandably CAREFUL way of putting it. Again, I want to reiterate, I don’t work for any studio involved in the production of Voltron so this is largely conjecture.

So here's how the hierarchy works, as far as I can tell. 

I'm not sure who approached who to get a new Voltron made, but primary creative decisions would fall to JDS and LM, who are in charge of things like major plot points, characters, and arcs. When they've figured this stuff out, they pitch it in a multitude of sessions with Dreamworks People... and that's when the battle begins. Pitching a show is always a tug-of-war. Let's be clear: No creator has ever gone in with a show and walked away with every single aspect that they wanted. Compromises and concessions are made because while the Creatives are focused on their story and character, their client is concerning themselves with budget, timelines, audience targets and $$marketing$$. Before they even got to the matter of LGBT, JDS/LM had lost and won battles over some plot and character decisions. You can actually feel it sometimes when you watch the show; key emotional moments that never happen, or character stuff that gets shaved in favor of action or the reuse animation of the lions forming Voltron. 

This show is still aimed at a young, male, market Dreamworks wants to believe is going to buy their incredibly limited line of related toys, and that is a market that is difficult for executives to see as being interested in romance, let alone a queer one.

The point is, as much as JDS/LM seem to want LGBT in their show, it is a negotiation that I'm sure has been on the table since Day 1 and probably one that is ongoing. Here's a vague idea of what MAY have gone down:

Dreamworks: We will consider the idea of two of them in a relationship, but the third has got to go. JDS/LM: .....we appreciate you considering the relationship aspect. Dreamworks: In addition, we feel that to balance the scales so to speak, at least one character needs to be overtly heterosexual. You know, hit on a lot of female characters, maybe even fall for one of them.

(sorry would have finished the comic but I sprained my wrist and I’m not supposed to draw rn but I cheated a little, also can you tell I love Saga)

This is very probably not what happened, but it is an example of what could have. I know there is a lot of support for a certain character in Voltron being bi, not least of all because of something LM drew. 

I think the placement of the characters holding the signs were less about associating the character with the header and more about making sure neither of the two warring ships were represented; it would have incited a new level on the shipping wars and the message and intent behind this art would have been lost.

There is a weird association with relationships and how they define a show if they aren’t hetero. Have only one relationship on a show about space battles and if it’s LGBT, people will start associating Voltron with being “the gay space battle show”. I don’t want to get into Discourse about This Thing because debate gets lost quickly in favor of toxic insults, but I think it’s important to touch on Bi!Lance. To be entirely neutral about it, it is possible that Lance was originally intended to be bi. But if there was the potential for other characters to be LGBT, the showrunners might have been asked to “strike a balance” so to speak, so that Voltron wouldn’t just be “the gay space battle” show since its hetero relationships would outnumber the queer ones. I don’t think Lance’s character has changed at all since his inception; the show needs a funnyman for levity and ridiculousness, and he is absolutely the charmer of the Paladins. He may have been intended to hit on just about any attractive being in his orbit (there are shades of what one might call a “man-crush” in regards to his Shiro hero-worship). While it would have been awesome to have a bi male character in a cartoon, changing his attraction dial from “all” to “female” doesn’t really affect his storyline, especially since it’s hard to contest that the show has been angling in potential for endgame Allurance in seasons 3&4. I realize that sounds dismissive of the bi experience, that’s really not what I’m trying to get at. I’m saying that in the grand scheme of things, it may have been easier to sacrifice an LGBT Lance in order to win another LGBT representation battle. Like I said, making cartoons that maintain the creative, storyline, and character goals you walk in with is a tug-of-war, and you’re going to lose something along the way. 

But it’s not all about Lance, and again, that’s all theoretical. It’s also possible that Pidge was at one point NB or even trans. There are hints of Coran having a close friendship with Alfor. The original blue paladin is hinted at flirting with a fellow male character in a “did he just--” moment that most people missed. Lotor surrounds himself with female generals but never seems particularly attracted to them. Keith’s undying devotion to Shiro could be interpreted as romantic. There are a dozen main characters whose orientations are nebulous at best and thus have potential to be queer. 

So what does this mean for the future of LGBT on Voltron?

The short version is: I'm actually, really, really hopeful. For a number of reasons.

1) JDS/LM as they've said, are fighting really hard for this to be a thing. Jeremy Shada has said "You'll be really happy" when asked about LGBT on the show. People may feel he’s referring to his character Lance, but I think he’s just hoping that people will be happy with any character who could be explicitly stated to be LGBT. 

2) Netflix isn't a TV broadcaster, which means they can operate under somewhat different rules. Sort of. They certainly don't shy away from LGBT content but they may be regulated under rules of "what is appropriate for children in certain age groups" which frustratingly, for kids 12 and under, does not often include LGBT content. Netflix notoriously doesn't release their viewership data so this is just speculation; but I wonder if the biggest audience taking in this show is actually people, primarily women, aged 14+. Taking this into account won't influence the plot, but the bumped up age could show an increased likelihood of LGBT rep as it pushes the show outside of the "content too sensitive for young children" zone.

3) It would be really nice to see explicit, unambiguous affection between two same-sex characters. However there can still be canonical queer romance without it, shades enough of “just friendship” that they can get past the censors and bigots while those who are more aware of what’s going on can recognize the relationship for what it is. Remember, some people still refuse to believe that Victor and Yuuri kissed in Yuuri on Ice, all thanks to the clever placement of an arm. Furthermore, LGBT doesn’t have to be portrayed through relationships but just the character itself. A character could make a passing comment that alludes to their sexuality. It’s not quite as satisfying as having it out in the open, but DW’s hands may be tied by the stipulations of the contract outlined by Netflix.

4) Despite what certain world events would have you believe, people are becoming more progressive and supportive of LGBT rights and content. We've seen it happen in movies and live-action television. More and more cartoons are going to be including LGBT content, in broader and more overt ways. There will be other cartoons who feature main characters who identify as LGBT, recurring characters in LGBT relationships who are allowed to be affectionate and cutesy with their partners, who are represented no differently or reverently than hetero cartoon romances. Voltron will likely end within the next two years, and within those next two years more and more cartoons will be taking "risks" and more and more broadcasters will feel emboldened to allow them to do so. If Dreamworks keeps its content steadfastly heterosexual while fellow producers embrace LGBT, it's going to reflect badly on them. 

People are desperate for representation in this show and it’s not hard to see why. It is not only one of the few serial cartoons out there, but one that deals with surprisingly adult themes considering it’s aimed at elementary schoolers. I think it’s really neat that people have so many headcanons about the LGBT rep in this show, and I think it’s great that it’s an element that has sparked a lot of passion in people. However, everything is still conjecture, the series is but half over, and putting all your LGBT demands onto one character or one relationship is unhealthy. It’s also pretty insidious to attack or harass crew, cast, or fellow fans whose views on how the LGBT should happen don’t align with your own. The show’s arcs and plot points have been written, the characters decided, but the internal fight over LGBT rep could still be going on. The creators aren’t going to cave to pressure from people who really want their ship or their character to be the sacred cow. Ship what you want to ship but recognize that while LGBT on the show may not happen the way you’d like it to, it’s still important to support its existence no matter what form it comes in. 

In the next part I’m going to cover one relationship in particular as neutrally as possible and whether or not it has potential to become canonically romantic.