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#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc
nightly-ruse
·
2 years
Text
I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing
#and I think I’m mentally I’ll
#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear
#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them
#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc
#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)
#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar
#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice
#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me
#such a mixing bowl of bad traits
#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by
#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave
#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress
#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.
#she actually just left school early.
#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still
#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of
#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health
#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry
#should just shut up and sleep
#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter
#ruse rambles
#vent tag
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