#also started on stuff with complex backgrounds

[kefalion]

[exopelagic]

talking to him more very much achieved. we just talked for like 4 hours in the kitchen holy shit I need to sleep

[levshany]

you don't know this little bebe, but I would be glad to introduce him to you soon. I think you'll like this dandelion boy. Especially since he was inspired by the Collector 👉👈

Now a portion of my whinings

Lev wanted to start the new year with a full-rendered complex piece with background and stuff, and right at that moment she caught a cold, her period started, and knee pain fell on her. And she was squeezing this art for 4 days in a row, suffering

Worth it 👍

Risky. Risky after a break to return to the blog with a full ass illustration, which often don't get much unlike sketches and comics, but moreover it is also an unfamiliar story to you. but I am well aware of these risks, I take them all on myself

Still worth it 👍👍

This year I will strive to draw at least one full illustration every month. I want to make a sick portfolio and also do a regular practice!

In my summary, I complained about how little blue art I had last year. Well, look at me go, starting the year with the bluest art possible ehehehehehe

[kxsagi]

Hi, I'd like to request a Rin fic please ! The basic idea would be a kind of college AU where Rin has a neighbour in his apartment complex that plays an instrument (piano ? violin ?). Normally, it should bother him to no end because it disturbs his peace. But somehow...everytime he hears his neighbour playing, he can't help but listening to their sound... Hence, a nice reveal later ? I don't know if I'm very clear, English is absolutely not my first language. Thaaanks !

“𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞”

a/n: no you're totally okay!

i love piano music and i’m so passionate about it sometimes because my sister has been playing piano for nearly a decade

but freaking tik tok keeps putting nocturne over stupid memes and now i can’t listen to it as seriously 😭

little rant: my favorite song on the piano is “believe” from polar express it’s so beautiful, but i also love the theme song from the 80’s movie somewhere in time (hence the title), which is about a man who time travels backwards and meets the love of his life (though the ending is really sad i can’t lie 😭)

the first time it happens, rin thinks he’s going insane.��

he’s just gotten back from class – tired, pissed off, hoodie drawn halfway over his face – and is halfway through untying his shoes when the sound hits him. 

a piano. 

not loud, but not background noise either. it slips past the thin apartment walls like warm light under a door: persistent, gentle, and somehow… aching. 

he frowns, eyes narrowing as he straightens up, bag slung loosely over his shoulder. he’s used to the quiet in this building. this is a complex full of students too broke or too antisocial to cause trouble, and he likes it that way. 

but this… this is new. 

and somehow, he doesn’t hate it. 

over the next few weeks, the pattern repeats. 

rin doesn’t even know which unit it’s coming from, not exactly. just that it drifts in when the sky turns soft and low and orange. sometimes it’s a slow melody, full of longing. other times it’s sharper, emotional in a way that almost pisses him off, like it’s trying to say something he can’t name. 

most days, he finds himself sitting by his desk and… stopping. his pencil stills. his eyes trail away from the textbook. and he listens. 

to you. 

you, the girl next door, though he doesn’t realize it yet. you’re in the unit directly across from his, and you always leave the window cracked open when you play. not to show off; you just like the breeze, the way it lets the sound float naturally. but that tiny opening is all rin needs to hear you clearly, more clearly than he’d like to admit. 

he learns your sound before he learns your name. your rhythm, your pace, the way you sometimes repeat a phrase like you’re unsure. the way you trail off, then start again without frustration, just patient, steady, like you’re untangling a thought out loud. 

rin listens, and listens, and listens. he doesn’t know why it doesn’t bother him. 

he used to get annoyed when people tapped their pens on desks. this should’ve been unbearable. a piano player next door in a paper-thin apartment complex? 

but all it does is make him pause, blink, and lean just a little closer to the window. 

he doesn’t figure out who you are until he runs into you one morning, quite literally. 

his headphones are in, he’s sipping a vending machine coffee, and then bam! 

textbooks go flying. his coffee splashes. your water bottle rolls. 

“… shit, sorry,” he mutters, already crouching to help you gather your stuff. his gaze only flicks up for a second, and stops. 

you’re pretty. you’ve got a scarf looped loosely around your neck, and your hair’s twisted up with a pencil. your fingertips are red from the cold and when you give him a smile, he forgets what he was about to say. 

"it's okay," you say, breathless, but amused. “we’re both half asleep anyway.” 

he hands you your thermos. you smile again. 

and just as you're about to leave, he notices what you're holding: an oversized sheet music folder under one arm, a tote bag printed with faded piano keys slung over your shoulder. 

piano. 

it hits him instantly. you’re her. you’re the sound he's been chasing every evening without knowing it. 

his eyes widen for a second, just a fraction, and you catch it. 

“... what?” you ask, blinking. 

rin clears his throat, turns away. “nothing.” 

but he knows now. and for some reason, that fact sits in his chest like warmth instead of fire. 

from then on, it becomes harder to ignore. 

he hears you practicing and he feels… off. like he’s waiting for something. like he’s stuck in a pause between two sentences. when the music plays, it fills his room with a strange kind of comfort. it’s beautiful, yeah. but more than that, it’s familiar now. 

like a secret he’s sharing with you. 

and one day, when he hears the music stop abruptly and doesn’t start again, he finds himself annoyed. 

he opens his window, glances out. your curtains are drawn. no soft tune. no hesitant scales. just silence. 

and it bugs the hell out of him. 

he doesn’t expect to see you again that night in the laundry room, bent over a dryer with earbuds in. he doesn’t even think. he just walks over. 

“you didn’t play today.” 

you blink. pause your music. “huh?” 

“your piano,” he says, more awkwardly this time. “you didn’t play.” 

you look surprised for a second, then you smile – soft, like it snuck up on you. “you can hear me?” 

“you leave your window open.” 

“oh,” you laugh, a little embarrassed. “yeah. i just… didn’t have time today. midterms.” 

rin nods, leaning against the dryer. 

a beat of silence passes. then: “... you’re really good,” he says, eyes lowered. “i like listening.” 

you stare at him. 

then your voice softens. “you… do?” 

“don’t make it a big deal.” 

“i’m not,” you giggle. “you just don’t seem like the type.” 

rin groans under his breath. “what type?” 

“the type to say he likes piano music.” 

“it’s not the piano,” he says, a little too fast. “it’s you.” 

your breath catches. and then, quietly, your smile returns. 

“well, maybe i’ll leave the window open a little wider next time,” you murmur, brushing past him with your laundry basket, the scent of roses trailing in the air behind you. 

rin stands there in the hum of the laundry room, watching you walk away. 

and for the first time in a long while… he doesn’t mind the noise at all. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[slowlyoats]

The Lost Boys: What they do in their free time

Marko

- Beach-combing

- Since low and hide tide happen often at night or early in the morning when it’s still dark he gets to comb the beach for new TriNkEts

- David always yells at him when he returns from his treasure hunting with “more crap”

- There is a TON of sea glass in his corner of the cave. It’s all kept in glass jars, but he keeps the red pieces in a separate little jar because that color is super hard to find

- He also likes to look for washed up toys, bottle necks, and shiny rocks

- HE DESPERATELY WANTS A ROCK TUMBLER

- Unfortunately they are expensive, and Dwayne says that there isn’t enough electricity flowing through the cave to power one

Paul

- Ease dropping

- This man LIVES for the DRAMA

- He doesn’t even know the people he is ease dropping on or who they are talking about, but you bet your bottom dollar he doesn’t mind his tea unfamiliar and piping hot!

- Because he is with the boys 24/7 they really don’t have any secrets between them (that Paul knows of )

- So he has to get his tea fix elsewhere

- He likes to listen in on conversations while he’s in line for rides

- at the record store

- around the food vendors

- he gets lots of tea from just hanging out on the beach and at the local drive in

- You would be surprised the amount of people who talk during movies….

- His ease dropping skills have come in handy on occasion

- Every once in awhile a vampire hunter will wander into town, and start asking the locals questions they have no business asking

- Paul usually hears of their arrival through the grapevine and is able to warn the boys

Dwayne

- Helping out Laddie’s family

- It’s kind of sick that he does this, but he honestly can’t help himself

- After Max brought Laddie to the boys, Dwayne couldn’t help checking out Laddies kin and seeing for himself what this kid’s background was like

- It wasn’t great

- They lived in a run down apartment complex, that was missing half its ruff and probably hadn’t passed an inspection in 20 years

- After some snooping around, and stalking the place a few nights Dwayne was able to determine that Laddie had an aunt (who was his guardian it seemed ) a sister a few years older then him, and a 5 year old cousin

- At first Dwayne HELLA judged the aunt, because clearly if Laddie was able to find his way to the board walk and into the arms of Max, she was not keeping an eye on him in the first place

- He witnessed her grief, her tears, her confusion, when she realized Laddie was missing

- he gave her no sympathy for what he thought were the consequences of her incompetence

- but then

- He witnessed a family dinner in their small apartment that changed his opinion

- They were all sitting down to eat dinner, when there was a knock on the door. One of the children who lived in the apartment complex stopped by to play with Laddie’s sister. The aunt was just about to tell the boy to come back later, when the boy’s stomach growled. And it wasn’t a “ I’m a little peckish” or “ gee I forgot to eat lunch” type of growl. It was an“ I haven’t eaten in a few days” growl

- Without hesitation, she gave her meal to the boy and told him to come back whenever he had no food to eat at home

- Dwayne found himself to be in a little bit of a dilemma after this

- He felt guilty, but sending Laddie back wasn’t an option anymore

- The kid was half vampire now and he belonged with his brothers

- But then he noticed the lock on the door was broken, and the least he could do would be to fix it. So he snuck in once everyone was asleep and took care of it

- And then he fixed the leaky faucet

- And the loose cabinet

- And the floor board that was coming up would only take two nails to get back into place, so he might as well fix it, right?

- Dwayne soon found himself paying the apartment a weekly visit to repair stuff here and their

- Laddies aunt just assumed that the landlord decided to do his job for once and so doesn’t suspect anything

David

- breaking into Max’s house

- He LOVES to screw with Max and he would do it on a nightly basis if he could

- But

- The boys *cough cough* Paul and Marko, would probably be a tad too destructive if they came along

- Together the boys like to find vampire related objects and leave them outside Max’s house as a joke

- They’ve left costume vampire teeth

- Cloves of garlic

- Fake blood packets

- Vampire comic books

- The bat kite we see in the movie

- Max secretly finds it endearing though!

- He’s sons are playing little pranks on him and he find’s it adorable

- But what Max doesn’t know is that David takes it a step farther

- Max doesn’t lock his door, because, you know, he’s a vampire and he has Thorn to guard the place when he’s gone

- Max some how has not figured out yet that David likes to spend time in his home when he’s not there

- I think it’s because Max spends a decent amount of time around the boys, so that their scents feels normal to have around and be on his clothes. So when it’s been a long night at the video store, and he strolls into his house and can smell David it doesn’t feel out of the ordinary

- David has slowly become cordial with Thorn. I would say friend, but Thorn would rip David to shreds if Max gave him the command. But! if David brings Thorn a nice, juicy bone, then he will let him pass

- Kind of like Cerberus

- David likes to sit on Max’s back porch, and in his recliner

- He likes to snoop around his books and in his desk drawers

- He will swipe cash here and there when he finds it

- He just really likes the idea of being in Max’s space with out Max’s permission

[demonking-propaganda]

13 spoiler-free reasons why you should read Mairimashita! Iruma-kun

...if you haven't done so already 👀 (With "spoiler-free" I mean I'm not describing plot points or characters, but under the cut I'll discuss the overarching themes, so be warned if that's too much for you. The first 7 reasons may be enough lol)

It's both funny AND wholesome. I literally can't read it without laughing out loud, and there are a bunch of chapters that make me cry every time I read them.

It's clever! The Japanese version contains several puns based on the kanji "魔" (read "ma", = devil, demon), starting from the title, but it's a recurring pun. The English translation adapts them pretty well. Plus, there are some of the best plot twists in recorded history (IMO). And the names and characteristics of most characters are based on real-life demonology.

It's queer AF. Like, really gay. There are explicitly homoromantic relationships and several nonbinary and gender non-conforming characters. One of these is the best unashamedly nonbinary character ever written. Plus, the manga premise can be seen as an allegory of hiding in the closet. The only thing that made me uncomfortable because of cisnormativity (boys in drag as a joke) is completely fixed in later chapters, and very well so.

It's feminist, without being preachy or paternalistic. Simply put, the women/girls are three-dimensional, complex characters, as the norm should be. And there are lots of them, without it being a harem (...the harem trope is actually used as a joke).

It's spooky and adorable, imagine Halloween vibes all year round. Both main and background characters are super diverse, and if you like monsters there is stuff for you.

Most characters are neurodivergent-coded. It's basically the autistic/ADHD manga.

The art is phenomenal. It's especially good to see the improvement of the art style over the years (the first chapter was published in 2017 and the manga is ongoing). Some panels are really breathtaking.

8. The story is about personal growth - like most shounen manga, fair enough. But the protagonist, Iruma, is so far from toxic masculinity I dare say he's the antidote to it.

9. It's also about found family, the discovery of unconditional love, and trust, and healing from familial trauma.

10. It's about finding a group of friends you belong to, and transforming your weirdness into a strength, identifying and cultivating what you're good at instead of fitting into a mold.

11. It's about the beauty of learning in your own way, and the importance of education and the shaping of future generations.

12. And the reason why I opened this blog: it's about fascism and fighting against it. I mean real fascism, as in "a powerful individual/group wants society to be hierarchical and oppress certain minorities, elevating a specific subset of the population based on intrinsic characteristics which are being misleadingly treated as merits". Ethno-nationalistic stuff. More specifically, it's about being a somewhat politically illiterate person, who learns about systems of oppression beyond personal injustices. It's about questioning what is the best way to arrange society.

13. Most importantly, this manga gives you hope about the future, something I find harder and harder to have. Hopelessness is dangerous - as people without hope stop fighting. This manga makes me actively feel better. Since it's ongoing I can't ensure it will always remain that way, but I've come to trust the author enough that I expect it to.

[aeliem]

1st horseman - Conquest

(click for better quality)

timelapse and rambles under the cut

i finally fucking did it hell yeah!!!

ok so i had the idea to have each bad sans (killer, dust, horror & nightmare) as each of the horsemen of the apocalypse. i started it about a months ago, planning to release it on halloween (turns out that didnt really work out as you can see)

but now its finally done! the 4 drawings are all finished, im gonna post them over the course of this month so i have time to focus on comics (i have one comic in mind especially where all the scenes are done, i just need to make a clean script and makes the actual pages) (and maybe writing? i've been reading stuff on ao3 and im getting inspired)

also some stuff in the drawing (easter eggs? idk)

the purple color on the bow end & feathers is the KR/karma color (or at least close enough) Dust's eye is red & cyan (obviously), but i always headcanon him as having more patience than perseverance (except purple on red looks like shit so i draw it cyan anyway), but i did add a small sliver of purple between the 2 colors the text in the background is the message you get at the end of a fight when leveling up, and this one specifically (200 XP 0 gold) is for papyrus

anyways

Why Conquest for Dust?

part of it was by elimination, but between the 4 choices i feel Conquest matches best thematically. famine is out of the question, death feels too important to be him, and civil war is too chaotic/not really as calculated as i imagine him to be.

conquest's elements are: the color white, a bow, and the themes of conquest, but also "noble" war (between countries, by opposition to civil war) or religious war. white isn't especially about dust, but the bow i feel works because he would fight at a distance (and generally try to distance himself from what he's doing)

Dust's story is all about fighting an enemy who's on the other side of the barrier (the human), so linking it to war makes sense, and he thinks going on a killing spree is the only way he can save everyone/make things right, so the "noble" side of it matches pretty well. (also conquest can be/has been interpreted as the christ/antichrist, and i headcanon Dust has a huge savior complex so this absolutely matches)

enough ramblings, here's the timelapse!

[liketolaugh-writes]

I just finished your recently completed DP fic and I LOVED it!!!!! I also caught up on the DPxDC crossover and love that too! I’m not in the DP or DC fandoms, but your fics were so amazing, do you have any fic recommendations? I don’t even know where to start looking, I know nothing about either fandom.

Thank you, I'm really glad you like them!! I always recommend first looking at the bookmarks of your favorite authors. Usually they'll read a lot of the same stuff they write, so it's a good way to find fics to your taste! I have about 400 DP fics bookmarked, but here's the highlights-

(Cut for length, there are so many, my impulse control is nil)

DP

Wake Me Up to Say Goodbye - A gradual Jack-centric reveal fic. Jack's genuine love for his family shines through so well here.

broken trust and the wounds hidden behind - This fic is particularly dear to me. Jack finds out about Danny without Danny realizing and starts working to make things right.

Prove That You Deserve the Answer - Jazz/Maddie bodyswap fic. One of my favorite reveals.

Dinner and Diatribes - Vlad traps Danny and Maddie in an underground bunker to play house. This one is, uh, a lot of the inspo for the Fentons' dehumanization of Phantom. But it has a happy ending.

How to Raise the Dead - Very short, sweet fic that isn't exactly post-reveal, but Jack and Maddie know anyway.

Now's The Time (Get In Line) - A fun reveal fic where the GIW raid Casper High for Phantom. The central battle scene in this lives rent-free in my mind.

definition of insanity (is doing the same thing) - Dash Baxter redemption, seriously confronts Dash's bullying.

A Play to Remember - The most interesting and complex A-listers reveal I've ever read.

That Razor's Edge - Halfa!Valerie. So wonderfully done. <3

Ghost on the Couch - Maddie makes Danny go to therapy. While they never quite get around to talking about most of the events of the series (rip) it's still a brilliant showcase of Danny's psychology and emotional turmoil.

DPxDC

If You Give a Bat a Burger - Obligatory, the quintessential DPxDC fic. Plot driven and engaging, and you'll see a certain reference to it in most other DPxDC fics lmao.

Vacation Crashers - Another staple. Plot-driven, but it has one of my favorite Bruce characterizations of any DPxDC fic. (It also inspired a lot of the Fentons' more... neglectful behavior in my fics.)

those who serve. - Can't pass this one up. Danny becomes Alfred's apprentice. Alfred is very concerned.

Wanted: Dead And Alive - Dead Tired. Everyone is scrambling to figure out who the hell Danny is, very fun without sacrificing feeling.

Some Kind of Miraculous Bind - A Demon Twins fic. Damian is very sweet here. <3

But I Want to Be Let In, Not Out - Probably my favorite Demon Twins iteration. Damian just wants to see his brother again, okay?

The Bat Trap - One last Demon Twins fic for good measure. This one plays with its premise so well and integrates the two worlds wonderfully.

Like and Survive - Phantom's Guide to Young Hero Survival - Fix-it field trip through the DCU. You don't know a lot about the DCU? You're about to find out. Very thorough and thoughtful.

Ghosts, Legacies, and CPS - Danny is removed from the Fentons' custody. Danny is inserted into Tim's custody. Vlad does something stupid. Beautifully done and very satisfying.

what dumb luck or good ghost led you from there to here? - Danny and Barbara, where Danny settles in the Clocktower and Babs coaxes him closer like a stray cat.

I Am A Retired Hero And My Love Interest Is A Former Crime Lord? - Dead on Main, obviously. Probably the fic that made me fall in love with this pairing, with a lot of excellent background and foreground plots. Jack and Maddie chase Skulker around to ask him questions about ghost culture. He complains to Danny about it. It's great.

What Binds Us - Such excellent worldbuilding around Crime Alley and Gotham in general. I loves it. <3 (This one by @breannasfluff)

Like Betta Fish Do - Dead on Main, both sweet and very fun. I love @clockwayswrites' characterizations and this particular fic handles their developing relationship super well. On that topic-

One Stop Soup Shop - My feelings,,,, tooth-rotting Dead on Main fluff.

Birdritch - Spirit Halloween, so much fluff between Danny and the Batfamily.

A Broken Sort of Normal - OOF. So many feelings?? Danny/Wally, with so much good angst.

(I can't keep going down the list, just take a run through PaperPuffin's profile, you won't regret it. <3)

I would also suggest following @nerdpoe, @stars-obsession-pit, and @sheepheadfred; they all have good taste in tumblr snippets!

Have fun!

[hprambles-blog]

ok but like… Dramione makes way more sense than Drarry and idc what anyone says. like yeah yeah enemies to lovers blah blah, but w/ dramione there’s actual room for character growth?? hermione would force draco to face his bs, and draco’s the type who needs that kind of intellectual/emotional check. it’s spicy and smart. plus, she wouldn’t let him get away w/ anything. not the blood purity stuff, not the fake bravado. and draco would have to grow the hell up to even deserve her. that dynamic is ripe for something meaningful. now drarry? nah. it’s just rivals and trauma-bonding vibes but like… where’s the actual connection?? harry barely pays attention to draco unless he’s doing something shady and draco is mostly just being annoying or petty. it’s not tension, it’s just background noise. also let’s be real, if draco wasn’t a pale sad boi with daddy issues, would people still ship it?? or is it just the redemption kink + gay enemies aesthetic combo. anyway, w/ dramione you get real conversations, moral tension, mutual challenge, and the chance for earned redemption. drarry is just vibes and no foundation lol.

Alright. No bellamort now. Dramione shippers can entertain me more than that Bellamort shipper.

First of all: yes, enemies to lovers is a tired trope unless it’s two traumatized, morally gray disaster boys staring at each other across a war they didn’t ask for, both one snide comment away from either a duel or a kiss. That’s not just enemies to lovers. That’s rivals with unresolved tension, layered resentment, and “I know you better than anyone because I’ve been obsessing over you since I was 11.” That’s intimacy through hatred. That’s poetry.

Drarry isn’t about “fixing” Draco — Harry’s not Hermione with her clipboard and her moral high ground. Harry is a deeply tired, complex person who’s been used as a weapon his whole life, and Draco is someone who’s spent years trying to prove himself in a system that ultimately used him too. These are two people with actual parallels in their trauma, their isolation, and their need for someone who sees past the masks. Hermione would therapize Draco. Harry would understand him, even if he doesn't forgive him immediately. There’s no savior complex. Just real, raw, “I see you because you’re broken in the same places I am” energy.

And don’t even get me started on the chemistry. Every scene they have is charged. There’s nothing background noise about it. Their eye contact could cause power outages. The obsession is mutual. The tension is practically radioactive. Even the “petty” moments are just foreplay. Like, who do you think was watching the other brood across the Great Hall like a gothic Victorian ghost with a crush? Yeah. That’s right.

And look. Yes. People love a good redemption kink. But Drarry isn’t just about Draco getting redeemed. It’s about Harry finding softness in unexpected places. It’s about letting go of the binary of hero vs. villain. It’s about nuance. Mutual healing. Mutual pining. Not to mention the insane amount of emotional repression that needs to be unpacked with a kiss and a half-accidental hand graze.

Meanwhile, Dramione? It's fine. But it’s giving...debate club romance. It’s giving “You should read this book I annotated for you.” Cute. Structured. But lacking the sheer feral energy of two boys who would rather fight to the death than admit they’re in love.

Drarry isn’t just vibes. It’s vibes backed by unspoken longing, years of built-up tension, and enough emotional repression to power the British Empire. That’s storytelling.

So yeah. Drarry supremacy. Dramione can proofread their essays while Drarry’s busy healing generational trauma and redefining masculinity. Let the sad boys smooch in peace.

🍏

[moonlightsylph]

Emergency Commissions

tl;dr, I was in a car accident. I need help to get it back on the road if possible as my insurance isn't going to cover it. I don't know the total cost yet, will update once I do, but I'm going to set a starting goal as of now. Longer explanation and details below the read-more

This will be a Pay-as-you-Want through Ko-fi

kofi: https://ko-fi.com/moonlightsylph

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Basics

This is the starting point, where you pick the level of what you want. From sketch (basic blocking out and concept, typically will be done in traditional pencil) to full (shading and rendering)

Sketch- pay-as-you-want (done traditionally, in pencil, before scanned/photographed to be resized and uploaded. Can also be done as digital line if preferred) Lines- pay-as-you-want (Digitally, Unless specified. If traditional, it will be done in ink. It will be scanned/photographed before resizing) Flats- pay-as-you-want (Digitally, Unless specified. If traditional, we can discuss materials wanted. It will be scanned/photographed before resizing) Full- pay-as-you-want (Digitally, Unless specified. If traditional, we can discuss materials wanted. It will be scanned/photographed before resizing)

Examples

Traditional Only: Flairs. This will be done in gold and/or silver pen to add flourishes

eaxmples:

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Background

Backround options. Simple (for me is either a solid background or a gradient. I pick the colours for this one unless you have requests.) to Basic detail (being in a room, set-dressing for the character, ect) to Complex (fighting scene, detailed background like cityscapes or nature scenes. Here you have more control on what exactly you want, instead of a generalized idea. I will complete this to the best of my ability)

Simple background- free Basic detail- pay-as-you-want Complex scenes- pay-as-you-want

Example:

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Style

Here is where we get a little creative. I've toyed with different styles and challenges. For limited pallets, you can provide me with a colour pallet you want to see me transform into your character, or I can generate a few for you to pick from.

As for the Random Blorbo, this is a fun challenge I wish to do where I build you a new character. You can give me a few details you want seen, otherwise its completely up in the air what you get.

Lineless- pay-as-you-want Limited pallets- pay-as-you-want Chibi- pay-as-you-want Random blorbo machine- pay-as-you-want [comes with two-three head shots and one full body]

Examples:

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Fun Stuff

For this section, you can have custom borders done for your personal use. Be it for framing a picture you like, to spruce up your page or blog, or to frame up a personal project you have going (example: making your own tcg, tarot card, ect)

As for the cards, this is where I create a card featuring one of your characters each. Like a tcg or a tarot, or whichever you want to see.

Ref sheets are pretty straight forward. I'll provide two-three headshots + full body + interesting facts you want included. This also included, if you wish it, personal items said character may have to showcase.

Custom borders- pay-as-you-want Cards- pay-as-you-want Ref sheets- pay-as-you-want

Avatars: pay-as-you-want

Examples:

Hello,

I know this is out of the blue, but when things happen they don't give you a forewarning.

I was involved in a car accident yesterday. Fresh with a new N, only had my car for a week to myself, I found myself hydroplaning into a traffic control post and side-swiping a car in the process.

Thankfully, they got off with cosmetic damage and a cracked tail-light as i avoided rear-ending them.

Myself, however, ended up with a banged bumper, a passenger mirror nearly beheaded and a crack radiator. Lucky, considering what could have happened, but still terrifying.

It was after this i learned that my insurance wouldn't cover the collision, meaning I'd have to cover everything out of pocket. Money I don't really have at the moment. Not with the other debts I've been steadily paying off.

I don't know the grand total yet, I'm still waiting for my car to be released so I can take it to a body shop. But from how expensive cars can be, with some insight from those around me, I can make a good guess at a "starting" amount. I'll update the total once I know though.

But I'm now asking for help. I don't expect anything for free, I will be making things in exchange. I've wanted to open commissions for a while, its just sad that what made me finally pull the trigger is when I'm in trouble. I'll link my kofi, the prices will be set to pay-as-you-want. I'll work out details for what people want, and I'll have a list of things I don't think I can do.

But I appreciate that you took the time to read this. Any help will be greatly appreciated and even if you can't, please share. If you just want to donate and not get a work in exchange, just say so in the notes. (that said, you might end up with a doodle anyways as thank you <3)

[numberoneredriotfan]

Rodydeku headcanons part 1 :)

I'm going insane over these two hggggg-

(this screenshot from the movie makes me cackle everytime-)

• Rody fell first, no questions asked. Deku fell a bit later when he actually had the time to consider his feelings when he WASN'T fighting villains and dealing with vestiges every three seconds.

• Before they parted after the humarise crisis, they exchanged numbers so they could still talk. And, I kid you not, as soon as Deku got home he called Rody immediately. Rody played it cool like-- "damn, miss me already hero??" As if he hadn't been staring at Deku's contact for the past ten minutes wanting to call him but not wanting to seem like he missed him or anything (he really, really missed him).

• From then on, they pretty much call each other every other night when they're free, giving each other general updates (or just to hear each other's voice) (Rody's like kicking his feet and twirling his hair during these calls-)

• Rody's contact for Deku is "mass murderer (heart emoji)" the heart emoji was added a little later on when Rody worked up the balls. Deku's contact name for Rody isn't anything special, just his name with a little ":)" on the side.

• Rody's crush is soooo bad. He definitely keeps up with anything hero-related on the news just so he can talk about it with Deku during their next call.

• I think Rody's voice helps Deku relax a lot, even if he doesn't realize why (keep this in mind, it'll come into play later).

• Rody thinks about the time when Deku spiderman-ed him around Otheon. A lot.

• Deku told everyone is class 1-A about Rody, more than he talked about the actual humarise crisis.

• During Rody's visit to Japan (in the spin off "team up missions" manga), I like to think he started developing a bit of an inferiority complex to Deku's friends.

• Like, who was he to Deku compared to all these friends that had been through so much together?? Compared to them, he was literally just some guy he saved the world with once.

• It didn't help hearing all the stories about Deku solving villain crisis after villain crisis with said friends.

• Of course Deku didn't think that way, and considered Rody a friend just like he considered everyone in class A a friend (with something a little extra there but he hasn't realized that yet).

• Deku once sent a picture of him and Eri during a little playdate to Rody the backflip his heart did when he learned that Deku was good with kids-

• Also, seeing Deku get along and be sweet with his siblings almost killed him.

• Sometimes, Pino will steal Rody's phone and send a random cluster of emojis with ninety percent of them being hearts. Deku was a little confused when this first happened, but after Rody (frantically) explained it was Pino, whenever it happens Deku just goes "hi pino!"

• Deku grows to be able to read Rody pretty well, even when he hides Pino from him. Although, having a friend with a built-in lie detector is pretty convenient.

• "Have you been missing me at all??" "Pssh, nah, you cause way too much trouble for me-" *distressed chirping in the background* "PINO." "I miss you too Rody :)"

• Rody pokes fun at Deku for the mass murderer incident all the damn time. "I don't know man, do I really wanna hang out with a mass murderer??" "Oh no, please don't hurt me mister mass murderer."

• Deku going on hero rants and Rody going on plane rants and both of them listening to each other with full attention :( <3

• Okay let's get into the more angsty stuff.

• After the war, and after all the villains escaped tarturus, and planes stopped getting to Japan and stuff, Rody was kinda worried (he was VERY worried).

• He was at work when all the commotion was on the news, and he completely froze when they mentioned UA high school. As soon as he got home, he tried to call Deku to make sure he was okay, but he got no answer. Because by then, Deku had already left UA high.

• Deku didn't want Rody to worry about him, so he pretty much ignored all his calls (feeling incredibly guilty as he did so) (also for the sake of it let's pretend he still had his phone).

• Rody tried so many times to call him, wanting to pull his hair out every time he was sent to voicemail. He was losing sleep just worrying about him, and Rody's siblings noticed. They tried a lot to try and get Rody to cheer up, which he did appreciate despite still being worried.

• He wasn't picking up his phone, and leaving a text just wasn't enough. So, eventually, he decided to leave a bunch of voice messages, as some way to make himself feel better.

• They started off with him trying not to sound too worried:

• "Hey, Deku! It's been a little while since I've heard from you. I know you're probably busy with everything happening in Japan right now. Call me back when you get the chance."

"The past few weeks at work have been exhausting. People are acting like the world's gonna end, but I'm sure things'll be alright. That's why we have heroes like you, right?"

"I was able to take Roro and Lala out yesterday, I sent you the pictures. Did you know Roro grew a whole inch?? Soon he's gonna be as tall as me!"

• Until they eventually grew more and more concerned and desperate:

• "Hey, I saw the news this morning. Japan is in really bad shape right now. Is everyone in UA alright??"

"You are getting these, right? If you have, please at least send me a message saying something. Roro and Lala have been worried, you know."

"Deku, I know things have probably been rough for you over there. For you and everyone else. I know I don't know you as well as your friends at UA, and I know that in the end I can't understand what's happening over there. But whatever you're dealing with right now, I'm willing to listen. So...please. If you're getting these- if you're even alive- just let me know. I'm worried, okay...?"

• At some point, Rody gave up on trying, only hoping that somehow Deku was okay, and that maybe he just wasn't getting his messages.

• But Deku was. And he listened to every single one, resisting to the urge to send him something, or call him. But he told himself it'd cause Rody more trouble if he responded, so instead, he just listened to each voicemail over and over, finding comfort in Rody's voice (he also looked at pictures of him with his friends for comfort as well but this isn't about them/j).

• After class A dragged Deku back to UA by the ear, once he was finally able to rest, he couldn't help but think about Rody and finally responding to him, but he wasn't sure what he would say, and he had a bunch of other things to worry about at the moment, so it slipped his mind.

• But eventually, as Rody was laying in bed thinking about Deku (as he had been doing for the past few weeks), he decided to try calling him again cause god damn it why not. He wasn't expecting a response, but at least he could say he tried.

• And to his surprise, Deku answered.

• At first, Rody just kinda sat there in shock, trying to process the sound of Deku's voice. And finally, weeks worth of emotions came spilling out and he just started ugly sobbing while yelling at him and questioning where he's been. Deku tried to calm him down a little, which only made Rody even more upset because how DARE you tell him to calm after you up and disappear for weeks without any sort of communication!!

• Knowing Rody's anger was justified, Deku told him he'd explain everything. And he did.

• He spent the next hour explaining everything that had happened to Rody. From the very beginning. How he was originally quirkless, how he got one for all, one for all's vestiges, the league of villains, All for one, Shigaraki. He explained everything, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders as he did so. Rody, though confused and confounded, listened intently.

• Once he was finished, Deku apologized profoundly for not telling Rody any of this, and how he just didn't want him to be put in danger. That's when Rody realized just how big the burden Deku had been carrying all this time, all by himself, truly was.

• "You've already put me in danger once before, hero." Rody said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. Deku let out an weak, involuntary laugh. "You didn't have to hide this from me...you listened to all voice messages right? I meant it when I said I was willing to listen. You really don't have to carry that all by yourself..."

• Deku really couldn't help but sob once again at the support he got from one of his dear friends. And hearing Deku cry, Rody said he was a crybaby while also starting to cry as well.

• Just like that one time, both of them started to laugh together while still crying.

I love them so much :(

[goomyloid]

why is it that you like noelle so much? i'm a noelle fan myself but i can't figure out why i like her so much. like if someone asked me to explain what makes noelle a complex or well-written character i would not be able to explain it to them. and i'm hoping hearing someone else's thoughts on her might give me some perspective to figure out why i gravitate towards her

Hello.

um i could make a whole video essay complete with background visuals on why i like noelle so much. but i dont have that kinda time so ill give the condensed version

she simultaneously fulfills several of my favorite tropes for [female] characters. she's the nice normal girl that probably has something deeply wrong with her on the inside, but she's become incredibly good at pretending everything's okay. she's also the childhood friend, someone who knows the protagonist on an intimate level that no one can quite replicate. she Also can very much fulfill another trope i like, which is Girl who looks like she's about to freak out and kill herself any second now. i cant wait to watch her become 100x more unstable in the coming chapters

all of those are just tropes/traits that i tend to like the most, so her personality/character alone is enough to make me like her

there's various details that make her really interesting in terms of the game itself. stuff like her being ever so slightly tied to gaster and the Weird disappearance of her sister, how her affinity for game glitches might mean something for the story, her entire extra pages of characterization from the spamton sweepstakes and what THOSE entries might mean for the story... i still think she will only be a character of secondary-importance in the main route but man i do think shes important to the story as a whole in ways that other characters arent.

shes lowkey kinda me. lol. i think a lot of people see themselves in noelle for various reasons. the general kind of Nice Normal i-need-to-get-along-with-everyone passiveness, on top of being the type of girl to present normally and then have a secret "weird side." that bit especially resonated a lot with me and surely with many other highly-masking autistic people i think -- feeling the need to 'convince' everyone you're normal, and then only being able to properly relax around people who really 'know' you. also, her whole thing about being scared by scary video games and movies and stuff only to immerse herself in them enough to eventually be comforted by them is like. So weirdly specific and also literally exactly how i was as a kid which is really funny. its stuff like that that makes her feel Real and relatable

the weird route. ill be so real i dont think id be half as interested in deltarune as a whole as i am now if it werent for the weird route LMAOOOOO. which i think is fair honestly. ofc im horribly interested to see where the main story goes, and i will definitely be invested in it. but the weird route carved a weird route shaped hole into my weird route shaped brain. its too peak. the alternate take on empowering noelle is so interesting, and dont even get me started on the strain it puts on kris's and noelle's relationship, their unique relationship they dont have with anyone else. i just think its exceptionally interesting how we've gotten to see noelle from so many different angles so far, and she's only been important for one chapter.

her design lowkey rocks? like call her little white dress boring or whatever but man does it open the door for so many cute and wonderful design interpretations. and also her palette shift into cooler colors but in Opposite Directions (brown fur becomes more reddish + yellow hair becomes more greenish) looks freaking awesome. i think ive seen an incredibly wide range of noelle designs more than literally any other character in the game

i dont want to spend too wildly long on this bc ive already taken multiple days to type this out so ill stop here lol. if i think of anything else i just HAVE to include ill reblog with it or something, but these are really the main points that come to mind first

[yolkochan]

Advanced Perspective Critique (+ tips & tricks)

Original artwork submitted by @soleilonthesun

This is a large post critiquing (also perspective tips) this artwork submitted by one of my friends, I’m not a professional art teacher but I’m willing to share my knowledge with the internet :)

I will assume that you know the basics of perspective and will be moving on more advanced stuff. If you’d like me to critique your artwork, just send me a dm or an ask.

Some basic tips to start off with.

Use a small pen size so you can be more accurate with perspective.

Use the line tool if you are allowed to, don’t freehand this.

Always draw the horizon line first before you begin a perspective drawing and draw “outside” of the actual canvas since vanishing points are usually far outside of it if you want to do a close up of a building/room. You can enlarge your drawing area in later stages after you’re done sketching.

Try to draw within this safe area (rhombus) between the vanishing points (an acute angle, about 60-70 degrees). I recommend this because if you draw outside this area there will be extreme warping to the objects that you’re drawing.

When I was trying to draw out the box of your room, I noticed that the edges of the room were outside of the vanishing points, causing this extreme type of warping — making it impossible to connect the edges of the room into a complete box. I think this may have happened due to you drawing the inner faces of the box first (which is risky) instead of the outer faces.

Drawing the outer faces first is the easiest way to draw a box in 2pp.

The first thing I noticed is how different the perspective of the floor is compared to the room so I tried finding the horizon line + vanishing points of the room (even though the perspective of the room itself is extremely warped in the first place lol). The floor will always be at the same vanishing point(s) as the room it’s in.

Tips on drawing objects inside rooms:

Objects on the floor/floating can be at different vanishing points compared to the room but they still have to be on the same horizon line. I see you attempted to do this with the bench here.

Objects attached to walls (posters, clocks, shelfs) must have their vanishing points the same as the room otherwise it will not look like it’s attached to the wall. (This also applies to hinging doors and physically hanging items attached to the ceiling like chandeliers)

One of the things I changed was the pillar since it seemed like it wasn’t touching the ceiling properly even before I adjusted the walls edges to fit the perspective. Even though the edited pillar now technically fits the perspective in the edit, the front side of the pillar being parallel to the viewer’s eyes can be off-putting since pillars aren’t normally constructed like that (they’re mainly always cuboids or cylinders) — so I also made another alternative edit.

Ellipses in perspective is particularly too complex to explain in one post but the main thing about it is that it will ALWAYS stay a perfect ellipse no matter the orientation (assuming there’s no extreme warping or curvilinear perspective) — it will never turn into an oval like this. Practicing and drawing cylinders will help you break off this habit. I reconstructed this bucket in particular to fit in with the perspective better.

This video by @drawsh and infographic explains it way better than me.

Here is also another video by @stanprokopenko that explains how to draw a cylinder easily.

Final edit

End note

Obviously I can’t change everything in this drawing but I hope I made the perspective less inconsistent for you. To get better at perspective (or well anything really), you just need to practice it more, drawing more backgrounds and objects and such — you’ll improve very quickly. I saw that you put in a lot of detail into this drawing and I was really impressed!

But since this was a perspective assignment, you may have gotten not so great grades due to the inaccuracy. When it comes to perspective, you have to be strict with yourself and try not to “guess” stuff. I recommend drawing less detailed backgrounds as practice more often. I hope this explanation and critique helps you on your art journey :) (and also better grades lol)

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

Oh that RBB/SBB post you reblogged makes me so sad 😔 I know it’s been a long time since the start of 1D but I really hope Louis is okay. It’s almost like Louis’ campiness/flamboyance has been masked over time while Harry has fully embraced that side of himself (which I LOVE!!) but I’m still just sad about Louis. I wish we could have seen him blossom like Harry in that way.

Of course this is all just speculation. Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world. It’s probably not just black and white.

Oh, anon, I'm extending a warm hug to you 🥺🫂💖 and huge same; it massively tore at my queer little heartstrings to read that post.

It was so incredibly insightful and well-written and these parts were so painful:

"We can’t know why consciously camp Louis shined so briefly [...]. But I believe (I think it’s a reasonably common belief) that somewhere between auditioning on X-Factor with a girlfriend and the UK media blitz of autumn 2011, Louis Tomlinson became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture. [...]

But he only got the briefest window to share that part of himself. It was one of the first things that got taken away, [...]   There’s a huge sad irony there – that this code, that was developed specifically so that gay men could be visible in a time when they were completely marginalised, was taken away from a young gay man, because it was too gay, in a supposedly more liberal time. [...] The bears' elaborate queer codes are tucked away from the stage. Because their owners cannot (yet) be visible in the way that the people they put in frames have been."

I'm not nearly as eloquent as the author of that post, @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram, but I will try. -- To what you wrote, dear anon, I want to say you are so valid!

I think the process and inner workings over the last 14 years were very complex and we only have crumbs of puzzle pieces here and there, so that leaves room for a lot of speculation. (which can be maddening sometimes, but also good to ponder different perspectives).

The second they were put into 1D together, they were supposed to make many people a fuckton of money. I cannot even begin to fathom the immense pressure they were under; during and also post-1D. at least they had each other as support, as well as the other 3 boys and a few close friends and family, yet ultimately it was always them who were going to be the most impacted. At least they could go through it together.

(side note: can you imagine the gigantic strain all of the closeting and stunts must've been on their relationship? and they still came out on top! that's a huge testament to their communication and commitment to each other. 🥹💙💚)

I always felt it remarkable how differently the angles of closeting were approached, certainly because of Harry's and Louis' different marketed images, but perhaps also because they are different characters who come from different backgrounds and maybe also because of their relationship dynamic and slight age difference (which is always a bit more remarkable during the teenage years they were in at the beginning).

Ultimately I can only guess why exactly it was Louis who was the one to always verbally respond or make a statement about Larry; why it was only Louis' Twitter account who was used for the denials; why it was Louis who never touched a rainbow flag during a 1D show, not even after Harry had started in 2015 -- all this while Lou did and said a LOT of stuff that clearly showed who he really is, who he's in love and in a steady longtime relationship with; all this while RBB and SBB spoke to us so clearly it sometimes still feels like a fever dream.

I can only speculate, but -- when it comes to their closeting, I think the sad reality is that Harry and Louis were never truly set up to benefit from deals that were struck. While I can imagine it was even sold to them as a positive thing at first; a white lie, a protection of their privacy perhaps, etc, they were both so young when they entered into those probable agreements (even while I hope they both had some kind of legal representation!), it was still ultimately their own choice to say yes or no, but in an industry where you are still a near-nobody and you get the offer of a lifetime plus there's the career fate of three other boys on your shoulders as well, that "choice" becomes an illusion. the power-imbalances were just too great.

As written in the OP's post, in 2011 "Louis [...] became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture.", but then it "[...] was one of the first things that got taken away.", because it was still considered "too gay".

And I think if someone hasn't lived it, they can't imagine the toll it takes on an impressionable teenage mind when they are told again and again that their sexuality and relationship are a liability, a danger, something better kept under wraps, something that the public will not accept or endorse; something that might or will ultimately ruin things for them and the other boys. Maybe those things were ever said out loud or bluntly, maybe they were expressed in more cunning ways, but those things are simply everything a forced closet implies.

What was done to them was manipulation of the most sinister kind, of this I am sure. I remember Harry saying often in recent years how scared he was back then to "make a mistake" and mess things up for the other boys. (I think we can all imagine what he meant by that) And how he recounted crying in disbelief and relief when he finally signed his new contract after they announced the hiatus. Him covering up his "Things I can't" tattoo with an eagle (which is a symbol for freedom) in Dec 2015 (1 month before the start of the hiatus) feels pretty significant to me, too.

Still, it takes years to unlearn and re-learn certain conditioning and I want to make it a point to say the closet is never the fault of the closeted person. I can only speculate, but it seems to me that parts of that conditioning and a closeting mindset still live inside of the choices that are being made for their respective careers. Holivia, Elk and babygate-still-not-ended are three of the most glaring examples. Without insight, it's hard for me to gauge reasoning, though, so I will leave these topics at this.

Also Louis apparently got the short end of the stick post-1D, with him still(?) being blacklisted by the powers that be (*clenches fist* fucking SC). But I cannot say much more to that, because I haven't caught up enough on it, yet. To me personally it always felt like SC tried to keep an iron fist especially on Louis and I can only hypothesise why. Maybe Louis was always most defiant to SC verbally, behind closed doors? Maybe it's got to do with SC's own suspected closeting? Maybe Louis had to make some sort of deal with him years ago? I shudder to even think about why SC is still "allowed" to insert himself into the boys' business so much (as evidently last seen at Liam's funeral). He's such a powerful asshole.

But back to Harry and Louis -- they do (to this day) present themselves differently to the general public in regards to their sexuality and relationship -and I share your feelings, anon, of wishing that things would've gone differently for Louis. 🥺 I think this is a very valid wish to have; for the people you admire to be as free and happy and seen as possible. For them to gain their full freedom and happiness on their own terms. For them to get to be their most authentic selves (*Louis voice* "Flamboyant!"). And eventually, maybe, for them to get to come out together (because if they do, I personally don't think they'd want to do it separately), if ever / whenever they want to and ideally, with a level of publicity they chose. Their potential coming out is a very multi-facetted discussion that I'm too sleepy to get further into, though.

To conclude my too-long-answer (sorry!!) -- I am still catching up on the past 6 years of Harry and Louis, but from what I have seen of the recent years, I have a feeling Louis does feel very seen..

..and that he's responding the most that he currently can / is comfortable with 🥹🏳️‍🌈

(melting at this decor of Louis' tourbus in 2022: another bear with a Louis smiley rainbow flag 🥹🧸🏳️‍🌈) (source post)

And I feel the same way about Harry. ("Feelin' myself. 😌🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️")

Harry and Louis have both been brave -- together and individually - in so many ways over the last 14 years. It left them at different points in their public images and just like you, anon, I sometimes ask myself "Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world." - it's not impossible. It's all a journey, for every member of our community. And Louis and Harry are still on it and have not reached the final destination, yet.

Harry's taken a more public road in 2015 than Louis was allowed to do and from the way Louis looked at Harry while he was bounding across the stage with the flags every night, he loved seeing his boy like that and likely silently cheered for him; knew Harry was doing it for him also. After all, they are a package deal est. 2010.

I'm secure in my belief that we will one day see Louis feel ready to pick up a rainbow flag on stage; that he'll raise it and lift a middle finger to everyone who ever doubted; that he'll let that flag hang from his mic stand for himself and Harry and all of us who always support him; who see him -- now and also back in the earliest days, where a 19 year old very camp Louis adopted British gay code for himself and happily sung his heart out at the G-A-Y next to the boy he's in love with.

I believe Louis when he says the last 2 years were incredibly happy for him. And despite it being an awful and tough time (for Harry, Zayn) and him right now, he's also said something he's always had and always will have is resilience. I hope he takes all the time he needs. Luckily, Harry and him have each other in this, too. Also I can imagine that Liam's sudden passing might have shifted their perspectives on a few things, as well.. so we will see.

I definitely can't wait to see Louis on tour again, when he gets to share himself exactly the way he's comfortable with 🥹

Then..

and now ✨

(gif credit 1 + gif credit 2, both by the amazing @delicatepointofview)

additional resources aka. two of my fave tags of all time to just spend time in: the Louis and rainbows and Harry and rainbows tag and this post of Louis using Polari ("a secret language gay men used popularly in the 50s to communicate with each other in England [...] commonly used until the 90s") all by the wonderful @daisiesonafield-blog

thank you for the kind message 💖 x

[coopermcscreams]

PINNED POST

[Image ID: A meet the artist image with a light blue and yellow theme. The background is yellow, and there’s some blue boxes with yellow text. There’s a drawing of a white teenager in the top corner. He has a half red and half blue mullet, round glasses, brown roots and bushy eyebrows, and brown eyes. He has a septum piercing, snakebites, two cheek piercings, a nose bridge piercing, two eyebrow piercings on the right, and on his ear, an industrial, 2 cartilage, and 3 lobe piercings. He wears a tan binder, a brown sweater, a belt, two belt chains, green pants, and brown boots. He holds a cup. To his right, it says “MEET THE ARTIST” in bold blue letters. Under this text and to the right, there’s a trans flag, a pansexual flag, a polyamorous flag, a genderfaun flag, an upside-down american flag, and an upside-down texan flag. To the right of the teenager, it says “Cooper/Otto - He/They/It/Faer - 16 - ENFP-T.” Between the teenager and the flags, there’s a blue box with yellow text labeled “FANDOMS.” The fandoms listed are Steven Universe, She Ra, The Owl House, Gravity Falls, Inside Job, Ace Attorney, Avatar the Last Airbender, Pokemon, Nimona, Minecraft, The Legend of Korra, Cult of the Lamb, Dungeon Meshi, Sonic the Hedgehog, Into the Spiderverse, Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts, Carmen Sandiego, Danganronpa, Studio Ghibli, The Amazing Digital Circus, Hamilton, Wicked, Mean Girls, Murder Drones, Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Lupin the Third. (Also, reading through this, I forgot to add The Disastrous Life of Saiki K and Come From Away. I also like those.) Under the teenager is a blue box with yellow text labeled “DNI.” There are two items on the list. “Blogs with minors DNI. I’m minors lol.” and “NSFW blogs.” Under the DNI box is a second blue box, labeled “TAGS.” The items on the list are “Otto Originals - my posts,” “Cooper Screams - not art”, “Tips and Tricks - art hacks,” “⏰ - queue,” “Special Guest - other artists,” “Blorbo From My Shows - canon fandom blorbo,” and “Blorbo From My Brain - OC.” In the bottom right there is a doodle of my cat, Kage. He’s mostly black with a small white patch on his chest and yellow eyes. His right ear is clipped due to the vet’s neutering policy. In the empty space between everything else and my cat, there’s a picture of Halawa (Pronounced ‘hall-lava’) valley with a blue frame. Throughout the drawing there’s scattered doodles of the Autism, ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety characters. End ID.]

[Image ID 2: Another image with a similar color palette, except the blue is the background. The top corner says “Comms” in yellow, and underneath it says “Prices & Info” in the same color. To the right of this, there’s a small doodle of me in yellow. Under the text, there’s a yellow box labeled “❌ Won’t draw:” with blue text. The items on the list are “Super heavy gore (Stuff like organs hanging out. I’m not very good at drawing that stuff.),” “NSFW. I’m minors.,” “Complex robots/mechs (Although it depends for this one. If you’re not sure, ask!),” and “Hate and/or bigotry.” Under the won’t draw box is a smaller yellow box with blue text reading “All comms WILL come with AI disturbance. There’s a blue doodle of me in the box holding a sign saying “FUCK AI.” There’s a yellow doodle of me under that box saying “DM here or on discord (coopermc.) if interested!” To the right of the yellow doodle next to the top left corner, there’s a yellow box with a drawing of a mixed white-passing child with short curly hair and bushy eyebrows. It’s just lineart, and the box has blue text that reads “Headshot - lineart. Staring at $2.00.” To the right of this box is a second one, showing the same character, but colored in with brown and pink hair, and pink eyes. This one reads “Headshot - base color. Starting at $5.00.” There’s a third box under and slightly to the left of the first box, with the same drawing, but fully shaded and with colored lineart. This one says “Headshot - full shading. Starting at $8.00.” To the right of this box is a longer box, showing a drawing of a hawai’ian boy with hisuian zoroark (fox) ears, long hair, and an eyepatch on his left eye. He has 3 piercings in each ear. It’s labeled “Bust - lineart. Starting at $5.00.” There’s a second box under the third headshot, showing the boy colored in with white, pink, and red hair. His iris is red and his sclera is yellow, his eyepatch is white, his eyelash is red and white, he has white zoroark markings on his cheeks, and his hoodie is black. It’s labeled “Bust - base color. Starting at $10.00.” There’s a third box in the bottom corner, with the same character except fully shaded and with colored lineart. It reads “Bust - full shading. Starting at $15.00.” Between the base color and fully shaded busts, there’s a doodle of me with my hands in the air. To the right of the lineart bust, there’s a doodle of me peeking around the corner from offscreen. End ID.]

[Image ID 3: 6 yellow boxes on a blue background. In the top right corner, there’s a doodle of me saying “Lineless: +$5.00.” The first yellow box in the top left shows half of a blasian man with almost shoulder-length locs in a suit. It’s labled “Half - lineart. Starting at $10.00.” The box to the right has the same image, but colored. His hair and eyes are purple, and his suit is purple and black. This box says “Half - base color. Starting at $15.00.” The box to the right of that one shows the same character, fully shaded and lineart colored. It’s labeled “Half - fully shaded. Starting at $20.00.” The box in the bottom left shows a wasian boy in a turtleneck Team Rocket sweater covering half his face. The drawing cuts off at his knees. He has bushy eyebrows, feathered ears, anti-eyebrow piercings, and a grown out bowl haircut. It’s labeled “3/4 - lineart. Starting at $15.00.” To the right is another box with the same character, his sweater is black and red, his pants are red, his eyebrows are dark blue, most of his hair and his eyes are a lighter blue, and some streaks in his hair and his feathers are light blue. This one says “3/4 - base color. Starting at $20.00.” The last box has the same character, but fully shaded and with colored lineart. It’s labeled “3/4 - full shading. Starting at $25.00.” End ID.]

[Image ID 4: Another image with a blue background. There’s a yellow box in the top left corner with a taiwanese young adult. They have a mullet and some spikes on the sides of the head/neck area. They wear a black tank top with a half-unzipped jumpsuit over it, straps over the shoulders but the sleeves and shirt part of the jumpsuit are bunched up right above the pants. They also have a large cloud-like tail. The box is labeled “Full - lineart. Starting at $20.00.” In the top right corner, there’s a speech bubble connected to a doodle of myself below it. I’m saying “All proceeds go to supporting me and helping me stay safe and funding my goal of moving out of the U.S.* unless specified otherwise. I may announce an event in which proceeds go to a different cause, or you may request that your commission goes towards a charity or fund of yout choice!” In the bottom left, there’s some small text reading “*I first need to go north to Canada, but my goal is to live in Iceland. I also need to bring 3 people.” Below the doodle of myself is a drawing of a Hoopa from Pokemon triumphantly holding a ring in it’s left hand. End ID.]

[Image ID 5: The same setup and character as the last image, but the character is colored in. Their hair is red, green, brown on the sides, and yellow, their eyelashes are green, their eyebrows are brown, their nails are red and clawed, their jumpsuit is brown, their shoes are black and and their spikes are red. The box is labeled “Full - base color. Starting at $25.00.” To the right in the top corner, there’s a list of ways to contact me. “Paypal: cooperhonu,” “Tumblr: coopermcscreams,” “Discord: coopermc.,” “Deviant Art: coopermcscreams,” “Email: bluehonu69@gmail.com,” and “CharacterHub: coopermc..” Underneath, there’s a doodle of me on a computer, captioned “(More likely to respond on Discord!).” Under that, is a drawing of an orange Hisuian Zorua from Pokemon, and under the Zorua is a drawing of a Squirtle from Pokemon, modeled after a red-eared slider turtle. End ID.]

[Image ID 6: The same character and setup from before, except the character is now fully shaded and has colored lineart. The box is labeled “Full - full shading. Starting at $30.00.” In the top right corner, there’s a list of prices for backgrounds. “Simple background: +$2.00,” “Normal background - lineart: +$25.00,” “Normal background - base color: +$35.00,” “Normal background - full shading: +$45.00,” “Complicated background - lineart: +$35.00,” “Complicated background - base color: -$45.00,” “Complicated background - full shading: +$55.00,” and “Nonhumanoid/Robots/Animals: +$8.00.” Below this is a drawing of a cream-colored pony with round glasses, some piercings, brown hair with green flecks, lots of scars, a bag, and a pink flower cutie mark. Below that is a fusion of a Porygon-2 and a Tsareena from Pokemon. End ID.]

[ssa-dado]

7 - Cogito, ergo Sum

Aaron Hotchner x bau!fem!reader

Genre: slow burn, sad just sad stuff, angst

Summary: On a train to Riverhead, you confront buried memories of your father’s death and the complex emotions stirred by Peter’s welcome back party, where Hotch’s past with Haley left you feeling like an outsider. Hotch, haunted by memories of his abusive father and first love with Haley, grapples with his choices and regrets. Meanwhile, Hotch and Peter clash over your safety and personal boundaries on the job, discovering the next target of a series of poisonings. Warnings: Grief, domestic violence, emotional abuse, anxiety, CM case. This is quite sad

Word Count: 4.5k

Dado's Corner: Not me sobbing like a kid while writing this haha. Poor Aaron you deserve a hug. That said, I experimented a bit with the style of this chapter - it's quite cinematic. I drew inspiration from Suits' 2×08 where Harvey goes to visit his father's grave and the narrative interlaces flashbacks, present and the characters' point of view so beautifully. Also - this has a sister chapter coming up next so don't worry.

previous chapter ; masterlist

The train rattled gently as it made its way toward your hometown, Riverhead, each passing mile pulling you deeper into a past you had long avoided. The rhythmic clatter of the wheels against the tracks was a steady, relentless metronome, marking each second that brought you closer to face your father’s grave.

You glanced up to see a little girl holding her father’s hand, her tiny fingers wrapped tightly around his as they made their way to a seat just past yours. The sight was simple, ordinary - something that happened every day - but today, it felt like a punch to the chest.

Watching them, you felt the train become a catalyst for everything you’d been trying to bury; the pain surged, raw and unfiltered, hitting you all at once. The easy affection between them, was a reminder of what you could never have again. Your throat tightened, and tears pricked at your eyes, threatening to spill as you stared at the floor, trying to swallow the ache of everything you’d lost. In that fleeting moment, the emptiness of your own hands felt unbearable, as if the absence of your father’s presence echoed a thousand times harder in the quiet hum of the train.

You stared out of the window, but the passing trees and fading buildings blurred into the background, their muted colors mingling with the fog of your thoughts. You’d taken the rare step of taking a day off to make this journey, a day that was supposed to be about finding some semblance of closure, or at least confronting the loss you’d tucked away behind your work.

But you hadn’t been able to think only of your father. Your mind kept drifting back to Peter’s welcome back party the previous week. Where you sat at the table, Gideon’s words lingering in the air, the concept of thesis, antithesis, and synthesis feeling painfully apt in that moment.

“Everyone, this is Haley,” Hotch said, his voice carefully controlled. “We… we go way back.”

Only now you could clearly see at how Haley smiled, but her eyes were constantly on Hotch, her presence radiating a sense of ease that only came from years of knowing someone deeply. “It’s been a long time, Aaron,” she said, her tone gentle but layered with unspoken memories. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

You watched the interaction with a heavy heart, feeling like an outsider in your own team. The connection between them was undeniable, and for a moment, you felt a pang of jealousy, a sharp twist in your chest that you hadn’t prepared for.

You had just started to let your guard down with Hotch, to allow yourself to see him not just as your stoic coworker who would crack a joke every once in a while - but as someone you could trust, someone who understood you. And now, here was a piece of his past that you hadn’t been privy to, thrown in your face without warning.

As the evening wore on, you tried to engage, to laugh at Rossi’s jokes and nod along with Gideon’s stories, but your mind kept drifting back to Hotch and Haley. You couldn’t help but feel the sting of not knowing this part of him, of realizing that no matter how close you’d gotten, there were still walls between you.

At one point, Hotch caught your eye from across the table. His expression softened, a silent question in his gaze, as if he could sense your discomfort. But before he could say anything, Haley leaned in, pulling his attention back to her, and the moment passed.

Gideon, ever observant, leaned closer to you, breaking the awkward silence that had settled over you.

“You know, Y/N,” he said thoughtfully, tapping the cover of the book you’d bought for Hotch, “Hegel’s all about finding balance. Sometimes, the only way forward is to let go of what you thought you knew and embrace the contradictions.”

You nodded, but the words felt too close to home. You weren’t sure how to find balance in this moment, how to reconcile the sudden wave of emotions crashing over you. All you could do was hold on and hope that, somehow, things would make sense again.

Now your mind was buzzing with a mix of emotions: shock, confusion, and a sinking feeling of being completely blindsided. It was in the way Hotch and Haley exchanged glances, the comfortable proximity, the shared history etched in every small gesture. It hurt more than you’d ever thought it would, making everything sounded distant, muffled, like you were underwater.

The gathering had been a lively affair, full of laughter and shared stories, but a specific moment kept replaying in your mind: Haley’s warm smile as she said goodbye to Hotch, “It was really good to see you, Aaron, I’m glad you’re doing well. Maybe we’ll run into each other again sometime.”

Hotch nodded, his expression warm yet tinged with a hint of sadness. “Yeah, Haley. Take care of yourself. See you around.”

With that, she gave a small wave to the table and headed back to her group of friends, leaving Hotch standing there, momentarily lost in the past. As he returned to his seat, you could see the way he was grappling with the emotions stirred up by the unexpected reunion. He caught your gaze briefly, offering a small, almost apologetic smile that only deepened your sense of uncertainty.

As she walked away, Rossi had thrown a smirk Hotch’s way, raising an eyebrow as he quipped, “So, old flames burning bright again?”

Hotch rolled his eyes, though there was a faint, embarrassed flush to his cheeks. “Rossi, don’t start,” he warned, though his tone was more amused than annoyed.

“Oh, come on, Aaron,” Rossi continued, clearly enjoying himself. “Haley’s quite a catch. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were a little lovestruck.”

Hotch sighed, but there was a softness to his demeanor that hadn’t been there before. “It’s not like that, Dave. We… had our time. It just didn’t work out. She wanted a family, a stable life. I was too caught up in my career, trying to make it into the Bureau. We were just… heading in different directions.”

There was a pause as the table absorbed his words, the rare glimpse into Hotch’s personal life catching everyone a little off guard. You could see the flicker of understanding in his eyes, the acknowledgment of choices made and paths taken, and it resonated deeply with you. It wasn’t just about Haley; it was about the sacrifices, the regrets, and the constant pull between duty and desire.

You had stood on the sidelines, listening, and telling yourself it wasn’t jealousy you felt, but something else entirely. Hotch and Haley’s history was full of things you couldn’t touch, memories you couldn’t rewrite.

The ease between them that felt unreachable, at least for you. It highlighted your own struggles, the way you and Hotch danced around each other’s guarded edges, each too closed off and too stubborn for way too much to admit the walls you’d built were anything but necessary. You had worked hard to break through those barriers, inching closer to something that resembled real friendship with Hotch, but seeing him with Haley made it clear how far you still had to go.

One of your coworkers, ever the instigator, smirked and raised their glass, turning the conversation light again. “Ah, first loves. We’ve all been there, right? High school sweethearts, college crushes, and then… life happens.”

They nudged Peter playfully, their grin widening. “I bet you’ve got some stories, too. You and Y/N? Seems like you two have your own history.”

The comment, though playful, struck a chord. You could feel all eyes momentarily on you and Peter, the unspoken insinuations hanging in the air. Peter chuckled, leaning back in his chair with a casual ease that belied the tension simmering beneath the surface. “Oh, come on, let’s not dig up the past. Y/N and I? We were just kids. We studied, we got into trouble, and then we grew up.”

Rossi, always enjoying a chance to stir the pot, raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? ‘Just kids,’ huh? I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. Seems like more than just studying to me.”

Peter shot you a sideways glance, his smile both teasing and sincere. “Well, you know me, Dave. Always mixing business with pleasure.”

You forced a laugh, though it sounded hollow even to your ears. “Please, don’t encourage him. Peter was more like the annoying older brother I never asked for.”

The table erupted in laughter, and for a moment, the awkwardness eased. But underneath it all, there was a thread of unspoken tension, a reminder that you and Peter’s relationship, much like Hotch and Haley’s, was layered with complexities that no amount of jokes could untangle.

Hotch watched the exchange quietly, his gaze lingering on you longer than necessary. There was a flicker of something in his eyes—was it understanding? Regret? You couldn’t quite tell, but it was clear he was processing his own thoughts amidst the lighthearted teasing. The parallels between his past and what was unfolding now weren’t lost on him.

Then memories shifted, drawing you deeper into the party’s ambiance: the clinking of glasses, the chatter of old friends reuniting, and Peter’s infectious laugh as he moved through the crowd.

You remembered the moment he found you in the corner of the room, handing you a glass of wine with a casual, “So, are you ever going to let me take you out on that date?”

You had laughed it off, deflecting with a joke. “You’d have to catch me when I’m not buried in case files.”

Peter’s smile had softened, and he leaned against the wall beside you, his eyes searching yours in that disarming way he had. “I’m patient. You know that.”

There it was, an offer that seemed perfect on paper. Peter was kind, funny, and someone you could talk to for hours without feeling the need to perform or pretend. He had always been a constant, someone who understood your messy family dynamics and never judged you for them. Yet, for reasons you couldn’t quite name, you had hesitated.

It wasn’t just fear that a relationship might ruin your friendship, though that was part of it. No, this hesitation was something deeper, something that had started to shift within you over the months you’d been at the BAU.

The job had changed you, had made you see the world differently, and maybe that change had rippled into the way you saw Peter, too. He was familiar, a comfort you could rely on, but when he looked at you with that earnestness, you felt a strange dissonance, like you were two notes that no longer harmonized as they once did.

You shook off the thought and turned back to the scenery, trying to refocus. The landscape outside shifted, becoming a blur of rolling hills and scattered houses, but all you could see were memories of the afternoons you’d spent with Peter.

He was a piece of your past that felt safe, steady, and uncomplicated. You remembered the day he’d chosen your mother as his thesis supervisor, the excitement in his eyes as he explained why.

“She’s brilliant,” he had told you, sitting at your kitchen table, his hands animated as he spoke. “I mean, I’ve read everything she’s published. Working with her is like… I don’t know, getting to play with a master.”

Your mother had smirked from the kitchen, where she was brewing tea. “I’m not sure if ‘play’ is the word I’d use,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “But I’m glad you’re eager. I could use someone with your enthusiasm.”

Those afternoons felt like moments frozen in time, filled with academic debates that stretched into the evening. You would sit with Peter, surrounded by books and papers, discussing everything from human behavior to obscure psychological theories. Your mother would occasionally join in, her sharp insights cutting through Peter’s eager optimism, and you would feel an odd sense of belonging, of being seen and understood in a way that was rare. You and Peter fit so easily then, like two pieces of a puzzle that made sense together.

So why now, when Peter had finally asked, did you feel that familiar comfort turn into something that almost felt suffocating? It wasn’t fear, not exactly. It was something more complex, more tangled.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but whatever it was, it had kept you from saying yes. Part of you wondered if it had to do with the person you’d become at the BAU, the person who had learned to live in the shadows, to thrive on the unspoken and the unsolved. There was a distance between the you that Peter knew and the you that existed now, and you weren’t sure how to bridge that gap.

As the train chugged closer to Riverhead, you let out a slow breath, feeling the weight of your own thoughts settle in your chest. This trip was supposed to be about your father, about facing the memories you’d buried along with him. But as the scenery continued to blur outside your window, you realized it wasn’t just him you were here to confront. It was yourself, and all the tangled, unresolved things you’d left behind.

.

Back in his apartment, Hotch stood motionless in front of his closet, the faint hum of the city outside barely reaching his ears. It was supposed to be a simple, mindless task: changing out of his work clothes, slipping into something comfortable to signal the end of another long case. But that morning, the weight of the past lingered in the air, heavy and suffocating, refusing to be ignored. Seeing Haley again had shaken something loose inside him, memories that he had tried to bury beneath layers of duty, responsibility, and the unyielding armor of his carefully crafted stoicism.

He stared at the closet door as if it were a portal to another time, a past version of himself that he had spent years trying to forget. His hand hovered over a hanger, hesitating before he finally pulled the door open. He reached for a pair of sweatpants, the movement automatic, but his fingers brushed against something unexpected, something soft and familiar. He pulled it out, holding it up to the dim light of the room. It was an old pirate hat, worn and faded, buried at the back of the closet like a forgotten relic.

The sight of it was enough to send a rush of emotion coursing through him, his heart tightening with the weight of memories long left untouched. It was a small, silly thing - a costume piece from a high school play - but it held the echoes of a time when life had felt simpler, when love had been a lifeline rather than a distant, unattainable dream.

Hotch turned the hat over in his hands, his thumb tracing the worn edges. It felt lighter than he remembered, the fabric frayed but still holding the shape that had once made him feel like someone else - someone braver, someone who didn’t wake up every day terrified of what the morning might bring.

Holding it now, he was transported back to those days in high school, when he had first met Haley during their school’s production of The Pirates of Penzance. He could still remember the nerves that twisted his stomach into knots as he stepped onto the stage, feeling every bit the awkward, shy boy who never quite knew how to fit in.

His father’s presence loomed over every aspect of his life, a dark, volatile force that made every day feel like a minefield. Mornings were the worst; he’d wake up before dawn, his heart pounding with the dread that his father would already be up, the stale stench of whiskey on his breath and anger simmering just below the surface.

Every morning, Hotch would lie still in his bed, his ears straining to hear the slightest sound - a creaking floorboard, the clink of a bottle, the unmistakable thud of something heavy being thrown against the wall. He’d close his eyes tightly, his breath catching in his throat as he braced himself for the inevitable: the harsh sound of his father’s voice, slurred and laced with venom, cutting through the stillness of the house like a knife.

“You worthless piece of shit,” his father would sneer, eyes bloodshot, fists clenched. The insults were always the same, a relentless barrage of contempt that felt like punches to the gut. And sometimes, they were. The bruises left behind were easy to hide, but the fear lingered, seeping into every corner of his mind.

But then there was Haley.

Haley, with her bright smile and infectious laugh, had entered his life like a beam of light piercing through the darkness. She was everything his world was not: warm, kind, and unafraid to be herself. He could still see her as she had been that first day, standing backstage with an easy confidence that seemed to light up the entire room. He had been fumbling through his lines, tripping over words as he tried to keep his hands from shaking, feeling the familiar grip of anxiety clawing at his throat. But then she had turned to him, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Not bad, Hotchner,” she teased, her voice light and teasing, breaking through the wall of his self-doubt.

She nudged him playfully with her shoulder, her touch gentle but grounding. “But if you’re going to be a pirate, you’ve got to look the part.” She reached up and tilted the hat on his head, adjusting it with a flourish. “There. Much better.”

He had laughed then, a rare, unguarded sound that felt almost foreign to his own ears. It was a laugh born of something deeper than humor - it was relief, joy, and a sense of being seen in a way he never had been before. That moment had been the start of everything: the stolen glances, the whispered secrets shared between classes, the way she’d lean in close, her eyes bright with something that made the whole world seem less terrifying.

Haley became his first thought in the morning, replacing the dread that had once greeted him when he opened his eyes. Instead of the anxiety that his father would be there, ready to strike, his mind was filled with thoughts of her: the way she smiled, the sound of her voice, the softness of her lips whenever they kissed, the easy way she’d tease him about his nervousness on stage. She was his anchor, the one person who made him feel like he wasn’t drowning in his own fears.

Every morning, instead of waking up with his heart racing at the thought of his father’s rage, he’d wake up thinking of Haley. He’d think of their rehearsals, of the way she’d roll her eyes when he messed up a line but would always follow it with a grin that told him she was proud of him anyway. She had made him feel safe, like maybe, there was more to life than the fear that had defined his every waking moment.

Hotch hadn’t just fallen in love with Haley; he had clung to her like a lifeline. She was the first person who had shown him what it felt like to be cared for, to be valued for who he was, not for what he could endure. She was his sanctuary from the storm that raged inside his home, and for a while, she had made him believe that he could have something good, something real.

But as he stood there now, holding the hat, those memories were tinged with the bittersweet realization of what he had lost. The love that had once saved him had crumbled under the relentless weight of his ambition and the demands of his career.

He had chosen the Bureau, chosen to bury himself in the pursuit of justice, thinking that if he worked hard enough, if he dedicated himself to the job, he could finally be free of the shadows that haunted him.

But in the process, he had lost Haley. He had lost the last piece of innocence that had made him believe he could balance it all: love, career, and a future untangled from the pain of his past. Now, the hat felt like a symbol of everything he had tried to bury, a reminder of the boy he used to be and the love that had once made him feel whole.

Hotch closed his eyes, a wave of grief and regret washing over him as he placed the hat gently back in the closet. The memories of Haley, of the warmth she had brought into his life, were still there, but they were shrouded in the painful truth that he had let her slip away. He had spent so long running from the fear of his father, trying to replace it with something brighter, but in the end, he had pushed away the very thing that had saved him

The shrill ring of his phone cut through his thoughts, jolting him back to the present. “Hotchner,” he said, masking the turmoil beneath his usual calm.

Gideon’s voice came through the line, urgent and clipped. “We’ve got a situation. A series of poisonings in Long Island, targeting public spaces. Libraries, parks, shopping centers. It’s escalating, and the unsub’s leaving messages. We need you here, now.”

Hotch glanced back at the pirate hat before slamming the closet shut. “I’ll be there in twenty,” he replied, shoving the memories aside as he grabbed his coat and headed out the door. There was no time to dwell on the past; the present demanded his full attention.

At the BAU, the team gathered around the conference table as Gideon outlined the details of the case. The poisonings were strategic, each attack aimed at places where people gathered, spreading panic through the community. The unsub’s taunts came in the form of cryptic messages, each one hinting at the next target.

Hotch’s jaw tightened as he scanned the crime scene photos, feeling the familiar pull of duty override everything else.

“We’re splitting up,” Gideon said, his gaze sweeping across the room. “Hotch, you and Peter will head to the latest crime scene. Rossi and I will cover the first.”

Hotch nodded, his face impassive as he gathered his things. He was already mentally mapping out the approach, compartmentalizing the emotional weight of the morning. But as they drove, Peter, clearly uncomfortable with the silence, tried to break the tension.

“You know, about that bet I won,” Peter began, glancing over at Hotch with a hint of a smile. “The date… with her. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make it special.”

Hotch’s eyes stayed fixed on the road, his expression tightening at Peter’s words. The mention of you - the team member who had started to break through the cracks in his own carefully guarded exterior - sent a surge of conflicting emotions through him. His grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Have you really thought this through?” Hotch asked, his voice low, almost a growl. “You and her, both in the field, both seeing the worst of what people are capable of… it’s not as easy as you think.”

Peter shrugged, trying to maintain his casual demeanor, but there was a defensive edge creeping in. “We’ve always been good at separating things. She gets it - she’s smart, one of the smartest people I know. We can handle it.”

Hotch’s frustration boiled over, his tone sharpening. “It’s not about being smart, Peter. This job… it changes you. It gets into your head, your heart. And you’re fooling yourself if you think it won’t affect you both. What happens when you’re forced to make a choice - her safety or the job? How do you keep that from clouding your judgment?”

Peter’s smile faltered, and his eyes flicked toward Hotch, the beginnings of anger flashing across his face. “You don’t think I know that? You think I haven’t thought about it every damn day since I realized I wanted more with her? At least I’m honest about where I stand. I’m not hiding behind this job like it’s the only thing that matters.”

The tension between them was palpable, the car’s interior charged with unspoken words and unresolved conflicts. Hotch’s gaze remained fixed on the road, but his mind was racing. Peter’s words hit closer to home than he cared to admit, scraping against wounds that had never fully healed. Peter’s willingness to embrace his feelings, to take the leap Hotch had always hesitated to make, stung in a way that was hard to articulate.

“You don’t get it, Peter,” Hotch said finally, his voice quieter, more resigned. “You have no idea what it’s like to live with the consequences of those choices. I’ve seen what it does to people, how it tears them apart. This job… it doesn’t let you have a normal life, no matter how hard you try.”

Peter stared at him, searching for something in Hotch’s expression that he couldn’t quite find. “Maybe not. But I’d rather take the risk than spend my life wondering what could have been.”

They lapsed into silence, the argument left hanging between them, unresolved. Hotch felt the weight of Peter’s words settle heavily on his shoulders, mingling with the guilt and regret that had been simmering beneath the surface since seeing Haley again.

He didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know if he even had the right to. Peter’s defiance, his willingness to fight for what he wanted, was a painful reminder of the choices Hotch had made and the things he had lost in the process.

When they arrived at the crime scene, Hotch pushed all of it down, shoving the emotions into that familiar place he rarely let himself go. The crime scene was chaotic, with officers milling about, evidence markers scattered across the library floor.

Hotch’s keen eyes scanned the room, piecing together the unsub’s method, the subtle clues left behind. But something caught his attention: a bulletin board crowded with flyers and notes, too chaotic at first glance, but hiding something.

He moved closer, pulling back layers of paper until he found it: a cryptic message, written in neat, deliberate script. As he read the words, his blood ran cold, the implications settling like lead in his stomach.

The riddle painted a clear picture of the next target. Hotch’s hands trembled slightly as he stepped back, the reality sinking in.

Riverhead.

The place you were right now.

Without a word, Hotch turned and sprinted out of the building, his heart pounding with a fear that went far beyond the professional. This wasn’t just another case. It was personal, and every second mattered.