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hoovesandfloorpaws · 7 months ago

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Oh that RBB/SBB post you reblogged makes me so sad 😔 I know it’s been a long time since the start of 1D but I really hope Louis is okay. It’s almost like Louis’ campiness/flamboyance has been masked over time while Harry has fully embraced that side of himself (which I LOVE!!) but I’m still just sad about Louis. I wish we could have seen him blossom like Harry in that way.

Of course this is all just speculation. Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world. It’s probably not just black and white.

Oh, anon, I'm extending a warm hug to you 🥺🫂💖 and huge same; it massively tore at my queer little heartstrings to read that post.

It was so incredibly insightful and well-written and these parts were so painful:

"We can’t know why consciously camp Louis shined so briefly [...]. But I believe (I think it’s a reasonably common belief) that somewhere between auditioning on X-Factor with a girlfriend and the UK media blitz of autumn 2011, Louis Tomlinson became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture. [...]

But he only got the briefest window to share that part of himself. It was one of the first things that got taken away, [...] There’s a huge sad irony there – that this code, that was developed specifically so that gay men could be visible in a time when they were completely marginalised, was taken away from a young gay man, because it was too gay, in a supposedly more liberal time. [...] The bears' elaborate queer codes are tucked away from the stage. Because their owners cannot (yet) be visible in the way that the people they put in frames have been."

I'm not nearly as eloquent as the author of that post, @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram, but I will try. -- To what you wrote, dear anon, I want to say you are so valid!

I think the process and inner workings over the last 14 years were very complex and we only have crumbs of puzzle pieces here and there, so that leaves room for a lot of speculation. (which can be maddening sometimes, but also good to ponder different perspectives).

The second they were put into 1D together, they were supposed to make many people a fuckton of money. I cannot even begin to fathom the immense pressure they were under; during and also post-1D. at least they had each other as support, as well as the other 3 boys and a few close friends and family, yet ultimately it was always them who were going to be the most impacted. At least they could go through it together.

(side note: can you imagine the gigantic strain all of the closeting and stunts must've been on their relationship? and they still came out on top! that's a huge testament to their communication and commitment to each other. 🥹💙💚)

I always felt it remarkable how differently the angles of closeting were approached, certainly because of Harry's and Louis' different marketed images, but perhaps also because they are different characters who come from different backgrounds and maybe also because of their relationship dynamic and slight age difference (which is always a bit more remarkable during the teenage years they were in at the beginning).

Ultimately I can only guess why exactly it was Louis who was the one to always verbally respond or make a statement about Larry; why it was only Louis' Twitter account who was used for the denials; why it was Louis who never touched a rainbow flag during a 1D show, not even after Harry had started in 2015 -- all this while Lou did and said a LOT of stuff that clearly showed who he really is, who he's in love and in a steady longtime relationship with; all this while RBB and SBB spoke to us so clearly it sometimes still feels like a fever dream.

I can only speculate, but -- when it comes to their closeting, I think the sad reality is that Harry and Louis were never truly set up to benefit from deals that were struck. While I can imagine it was even sold to them as a positive thing at first; a white lie, a protection of their privacy perhaps, etc, they were both so young when they entered into those probable agreements (even while I hope they both had some kind of legal representation!), it was still ultimately their own choice to say yes or no, but in an industry where you are still a near-nobody and you get the offer of a lifetime plus there's the career fate of three other boys on your shoulders as well, that "choice" becomes an illusion. the power-imbalances were just too great.

As written in the OP's post, in 2011 "Louis [...] became someone who was quite comfortable with being seen as gay. I’d go further and say that part of this was embracing the conscious, coded, queerness of camp British culture.", but then it "[...] was one of the first things that got taken away.", because it was still considered "too gay".

And I think if someone hasn't lived it, they can't imagine the toll it takes on an impressionable teenage mind when they are told again and again that their sexuality and relationship are a liability, a danger, something better kept under wraps, something that the public will not accept or endorse; something that might or will ultimately ruin things for them and the other boys. Maybe those things were ever said out loud or bluntly, maybe they were expressed in more cunning ways, but those things are simply everything a forced closet implies.

What was done to them was manipulation of the most sinister kind, of this I am sure. I remember Harry saying often in recent years how scared he was back then to "make a mistake" and mess things up for the other boys. (I think we can all imagine what he meant by that) And how he recounted crying in disbelief and relief when he finally signed his new contract after they announced the hiatus. Him covering up his "Things I can't" tattoo with an eagle (which is a symbol for freedom) in Dec 2015 (1 month before the start of the hiatus) feels pretty significant to me, too.

Still, it takes years to unlearn and re-learn certain conditioning and I want to make it a point to say the closet is never the fault of the closeted person. I can only speculate, but it seems to me that parts of that conditioning and a closeting mindset still live inside of the choices that are being made for their respective careers. Holivia, Elk and babygate-still-not-ended are three of the most glaring examples. Without insight, it's hard for me to gauge reasoning, though, so I will leave these topics at this.

Also Louis apparently got the short end of the stick post-1D, with him still(?) being blacklisted by the powers that be (*clenches fist* fucking SC). But I cannot say much more to that, because I haven't caught up enough on it, yet. To me personally it always felt like SC tried to keep an iron fist especially on Louis and I can only hypothesise why. Maybe Louis was always most defiant to SC verbally, behind closed doors? Maybe it's got to do with SC's own suspected closeting? Maybe Louis had to make some sort of deal with him years ago? I shudder to even think about why SC is still "allowed" to insert himself into the boys' business so much (as evidently last seen at Liam's funeral). He's such a powerful asshole.

But back to Harry and Louis -- they do (to this day) present themselves differently to the general public in regards to their sexuality and relationship -and I share your feelings, anon, of wishing that things would've gone differently for Louis. 🥺 I think this is a very valid wish to have; for the people you admire to be as free and happy and seen as possible. For them to gain their full freedom and happiness on their own terms. For them to get to be their most authentic selves (*Louis voice* "Flamboyant!"). And eventually, maybe, for them to get to come out together (because if they do, I personally don't think they'd want to do it separately), if ever / whenever they want to and ideally, with a level of publicity they chose. Their potential coming out is a very multi-facetted discussion that I'm too sleepy to get further into, though.

To conclude my too-long-answer (sorry!!) -- I am still catching up on the past 6 years of Harry and Louis, but from what I have seen of the recent years, I have a feeling Louis does feel very seen..

..and that he's responding the most that he currently can / is comfortable with 🥹🏳️‍🌈

(melting at this decor of Louis' tourbus in 2022: another bear with a Louis smiley rainbow flag 🥹🧸🏳️‍🌈) (source post)

And I feel the same way about Harry. ("Feelin' myself. 😌🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️")

Harry and Louis have both been brave -- together and individually - in so many ways over the last 14 years. It left them at different points in their public images and just like you, anon, I sometimes ask myself "Maybe Louis’ current outward public appearance/behaviour is exactly who he is now and/or how he wants to be perceived in the world." - it's not impossible. It's all a journey, for every member of our community. And Louis and Harry are still on it and have not reached the final destination, yet.

Harry's taken a more public road in 2015 than Louis was allowed to do and from the way Louis looked at Harry while he was bounding across the stage with the flags every night, he loved seeing his boy like that and likely silently cheered for him; knew Harry was doing it for him also. After all, they are a package deal est. 2010.

I'm secure in my belief that we will one day see Louis feel ready to pick up a rainbow flag on stage; that he'll raise it and lift a middle finger to everyone who ever doubted; that he'll let that flag hang from his mic stand for himself and Harry and all of us who always support him; who see him -- now and also back in the earliest days, where a 19 year old very camp Louis adopted British gay code for himself and happily sung his heart out at the G-A-Y next to the boy he's in love with.

I believe Louis when he says the last 2 years were incredibly happy for him. And despite it being an awful and tough time (for Harry, Zayn) and him right now, he's also said something he's always had and always will have is resilience. I hope he takes all the time he needs. Luckily, Harry and him have each other in this, too. Also I can imagine that Liam's sudden passing might have shifted their perspectives on a few things, as well.. so we will see.

I definitely can't wait to see Louis on tour again, when he gets to share himself exactly the way he's comfortable with 🥹

Then..

and now ✨

(gif credit 1 + gif credit 2, both by the amazing @delicatepointofview)

additional resources aka. two of my fave tags of all time to just spend time in: the Louis and rainbows and Harry and rainbows tag and this post of Louis using Polari ("a secret language gay men used popularly in the 50s to communicate with each other in England [...] commonly used until the 90s") all by the wonderful @daisiesonafield-blog

thank you for the kind message 💖 x

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