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jaskiersvalley · 5 years ago

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HEY I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOUR FICLET ABOUT GERALT BEING ILLITERATE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I had to put down my phone and whimper when he pulled out the card 🥺 can.. can i humbly request a pt. 2 in the future please? (also,, ive gone through the entirety of your blog too and its. so. good. while ive been chillin’ quarantinin’ reading your fics have been my very favourite thing to do!!) ♥️

Nonnie, you and @ohnomybreadsticks have both given me inspiration for more. It’s gone in a slightly different direction with the whole Wolf School in on the thing now. But, hopefully, you’ll enjoy this addition just as much. Best of luck with the quarantine! I’ll be posting stories fairly regularly for the foreseeable future which will hopefully keep you entertained and out of trouble!

The illiterate Geralt story can be found here.

Jaskier’s School of Self Care for Lost Wolves

It was a known fact that Jaskier loved too much and too freely. Sometimes, he even fell in love with those he hadn’t met but felt they needed love all the same. Which was how he ended up with emotions towards witchers he hadn’t met beyond Geralt occasionally letting a name slip. It wasn’t the same kind of love he held for Geralt, it wasn’t all consuming, he didn’t want to kiss the other witchers silly but it didn’t burn fiercely and involved a lot of throws and warm cuddles. Because, as Jaskier had helped Geralt work on his reading and writing, he realised something. None of the other witchers knew how to do that either. Which was how Jaskier ended up demanding he be allowed to go to Kaer Morhen with Geralt. He had a whole winter to remedy the mistakes their teachers had made. It wouldn’t magically make up for all the neglect but Jaskier would be damned if he didn’t try his best to slowly build scaffolding around and start the process of patching in the holes.

The journey back to the old keep was more hazardous than Jaskier had even dared imagine. It didn’t help that Geralt told him most witchers died on the path, either too naive and new on their way out or too tired or injured on the way back. That was utterly appalling and Jaskier was in half a mind to demand that a new path be devised to make sure all witchers could get home and get the care they needed. Even if Geralt insisted this was for the best, an injured witcher had no prospects after all. Rather than argue, Jaskier kept his mouth shut and began scheming.

There weren’t many witchers left, the school of the wolf was a dying breed but, along with Geralt, three other witchers returned and Jaskier was delighted. It seemed that the whole family was together again. Not that they acted like a family, more like a bunch of pissy cats trying to establish territories because they couldn’t figure out how to share and snuggle. That did disappoint Jaskier, he had a lot more work cut out for him than anticipated. Still, he could put the beginnings of his plan into play.

“What are you doing?” Lambert sounded so utterly offended when he came across Jaskier settled comfortably between Geralt’s legs, both of them stretched out on a fur in front of a fire. Jaskier was holding a book and Geralt was reading aloud in a low, rumbling voice.

“We’re enjoying a good story. Care to join us?”

Snarling, Lambert stalked out of the room and Jaskier shrugged. It was a start, even if it wasn’t an auspicious one. However, it set things into motion because not two days later, Eskel had approached Geralt in the kitchen, softly quizzing him on reading.

“I could teach you,” Jaskier volunteered as soon as he heard, deciding to ignore the wide eyed, almost sheepish look from Eskel.

That was how an hour was set aside each day where Jaskier sat with Eskel, leafing through well loved books that Geralt had used, sounding out words together. After the third time, they ended up with a secretive audience in the form of Lambert lurking just outside the door, listening in. In the end, Jaskier left a book in his usual hiding spot and waited for Lambert to come to him. It took longer than he had anticipated, Jaskier had been shooing Eskel out the room and hanging around to tidy up after their lessons for a good week before the book was thrown by his feet.

“Stop mocking me.” Lambert had his arms crossed defensively over his chest and was glaring in a way that would have sent bolts of fear through most people. Just as well that Jaskier wasn’t like most. He’d seen the posturing, the anger and lashing out in Geralt before, knew all too well what lay below it. With the greatest simplicity, he picked up the book and sat down, opening it and giving Lambert an expectant look. After a beat, the witcher sat down next to him.

That was three witchers on their way to literacy but something still bugged Jaskier. Thankfully, he didn’t have to say anything because Lambert took matters into his own hand. He had a book with him one breakfast, furiously trying to catch up with the other two and master ‘See Spot Run’ at record speed.

“Why did you never teach us to read?” he asked around a mouthful of eggs, greasy fingers leaving marks on the pages.

A silence descended on the table as eyes turned to Vesemir who, for the first time since they knew him, looked uncomfortable.

“It wasn’t needed,” he began. “A witcher can’t read a monster to death.”

Understanding dawned on Jaskier then and there. He put his fork aside and stood with an “oh you poor dear”. It was barely audible over Vesemir’s mumbled “I was just a fencing instructor.”

Walking around the table, he easily settled on Vesemir’s lap, ignoring all social conventions regarding touch. Looking up at the witcher, he smiled.

“It’s never too late to learn.”

Given the possessive nature of witchers, one would have expected Geralt to get jealous. However, he seemed content for Jaskier to do as he pleased, spending time with the other witchers. All too soon, all four of them were piled together on rugs and chairs around a fire and frowning over their respective books while Jaskier flitted between them, helping and encouraging where it was needed. It was obvious Lambert struggled the most, the letters dancing before his eyes and never quite settling which made him growl in frustration and his book often went flying across the room. Only once did it land in the fire.

“I’ve made a decision,” Jaskier announced during a quiet afternoon. “You’re all coming along wonderfully with reading and I have so much more to offer.”

Four witchers looked at him a little fearfully, wondering if they weren’t enough. They didn’t say anything as Jaskier walked out of the room but the sadness was palpable. Until Jaskier returned with his beloved lute.

“If anyone wants to learn any music, I’m happy to teach them.”

While reading was a chore for Lambert, he took to music like a duck to water when shown songs, able to replicate the chord sequences Jaskier showed him quite quickly. He had a special love of raunchy singing songs. The only sad thing was that there was only one lute or any kind of musical instrument in the whole of Kaer Morhen. Though Jaskier was more than happy to sing along to whatever tune Lambert was picking out. Soon, they had a whole repertoire of witcher drinking songs they would happily belt out while the others thumped the table in time with the beat.

By contrast, Eskel seemed content with the softer side of things. In fact, he had taken a real shine to sonnets and would often be found discussing them in depth with Jaskier. Occasionally, Geralt joined in but he didn’t find as much joy in dissecting whether the “sweet smell of faded summer” was in fact a statement about the passing of seasons or whether it was the soft lament of two lovers growing old.

“What are you doing?” Vesemir’s voice pulled Jaskier from his quiet introspection. It was early, the sun was barely poking out from behind the mountains but he was out in the courtyard with Geralt sat on a barrell and frowning into a book.

“Stretching,” Jaskier replied, sunnier than the weather. “I learned a series of movements to keep the body supple and the mind engaged. It helps me keep up with Geralt.”

The wink he sent Geralt’s way was enough to have him raising the book to hide his blush. While everybody knew what was going on between them, Geralt didn’t like to shamelessly advertise it. He was a private soul by nature.

“Come.” Jaskier beckoned Vesemir. “Let me show you.”

They worked through poses, Jaskier explaining a little about each of them. While they looked simple and easy, Vesemir was surprised to find that they gave the gentlest workout he had ever had. By the end, he was pleasantly tired but not in a way a training fight would have worn him out. It was, for want of a better word, rejuvenating. It had him as close to a smile as he usually got.

Over the course of the week, it went from Jaskier stretching in the courtyard while Geralt read to Jaskier and Vesemir. Until, silently, Eskel joined them one morning, standing next to Vesemir, a little nervous but a smile from Jaskier had him easing into the flow. The next morning, soft lute strums accompanied their exercises as Lambert sat opposite Geralt and his book, playing something gentle. The grateful look Jaskier shot him was enough to get him scowling, even if the music never stopped.

Spring was just around the corner. The witchers were all sat around the cleared dining room table with parchments in front of them, quills in hand. Eskel’s tongue was sticking out the corner of his mouth as he focused on his work.

“Just remember, this means you can keep in touch with each other. Enchanted crows can deliver your letters now.” Jaskier was playing soft music as the others perfected their penmanship. Well, all except Lambert who had taken to doodling, letters getting lost in the pictures. But that was okay, he could always draw his sentiments, the others would understand.

By the time it came to leaving Kaer Morhen, Jaskier was content and happy. He had four witchers who looked so much more self confident in their abilities. Because while he had kept their attention on the arts, it was inevitable that they all bonded. It wasn’t all that unusual to find at least two, if not three of them piling on top of each other with a book, getting lost in adventures they didn’t have to live through. Someone else’s struggles were so much more satisfying when the fear of death and failure didn’t hang above their heads.

Three witchers and a bard stood in the courtyard, horses loaded up as they prepared to leave on their respective paths. Only Vesemir stood in his usual attire and a soft smile creasing his face.

“Safe travels to you all,” he said, meeting the others’ eyes in turn.

“What will you do?” Eskel asked. “You usually accompany us at least some of the way.”

The smile turned into an excited grin and Vesemi gestured vaguely towards the keep. “My path for the year is one that is a tight circle. The library here needs some attention.”

Pride made Jaskier beam. He stepped forward and gave Vesemir a hug. “I expect many a wonderful tale from the library when we’re back next year.”

That sealed it. The next winter, they were all going to return with more stories. Eskel even kept a diary to share with Jaskier in case Geralt was stingy on his details for songs. And, when they all reconvened at the start of the next winter, Vesemir had tomes from the library ready to read stories from while Lambert turned up with his own lute on his back.

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #eskel #lambert #vesemir #witcher wolf pack #illiterate geralt #tldr: jaskier teaches all the witchers how to read and appreciate the arts

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tessandscottforever18 · 4 years ago

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By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.

But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.

Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.

“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”

Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.

By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.

“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”

Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”

Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”

One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.

“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”

Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.

Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”

Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.

“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”

Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”

A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.

“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”

Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.

That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”

It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”

It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.

“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”

By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.

“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”

#camila cabello #interview: glamour #glamour #glamour magazine

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the-quiet-winds · 6 years ago

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Between Angels and Demons (part one)

[The newest AU by me and @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts. TW for mentions of abuse for the most part (if more warnings are needed, please tell)]

[Part 1: Queen of Nothing at All]

Jane Seymour had taught Advanced Year Twelve English for long enough to recognize how the year will play out on the first day of school.

Because of this, she bites back a sigh at the uninterested, bored, wish-it-was-still-break faces staring back at her.

There is, however, one exception. seated in the middle of the second row was a tall, slim girl with dark hair with pink ends, looking at her with a quiet excitement.

"Good morning, class, I'm Miss Seymour, and welcome to advanced english. I'll start by taking roll."

She calls out the names on her list, hearing monotone 'here's and lazy flicks of hands.

"Katherine Howard?"

"Here."

The girl from the second row gives a shy smile as she makes eye contact with Jane, who holds it for an extra second and sends a small smile of her own before moving on with roll.

Jane begins the lesson in the usual way; going through the admin on what they’d be studying over the course, the set texts that they needed to read, and the upcoming assessments they needed to prepare for. She’d printed all the information on a sheet of paper that she passed around to everybody too, knowing that the kids tended to let their minds wander off during this part, but she was pleased to note a couple of students taking notes on what she was saying. Listening most attentively was the same girl in the second row, Katherine, her pen flying across the paper in front of her.

"If anyone has any questions," she says after finishing her explanation, "now is a good time to ask them."

There’s not much of a response, but Katherine's hand shakily raises from the second row.

"Yes, Miss..." she pretends to check her roster, as if 'Katherine Howard' hadn't already ingrained itself in her mind. "Howard?"

"The books...will they be provided?"

"For the most part, no. It’s expected that students provide their own reading materials." Jane can't help but notice the red tint appearing in Katherine's cheeks, as well as the assorted snickering from around the room. "But if it's a financial issue, you can speak to me after class, Miss Howard."

"No," Katherine protests, although Jane thinks that wasn't the end. "I was just wondering."

Jane notices Katherine shrink back in her seat slightly and stare down at her notebook as Jane fields a couple more questions. She doesn’t even look up when Jane announces the next exercise; a simple book review of any book the students had read over the summer. Jane liked to start with that, as it gave the chance to see the level the students were working at in their writing, and the book they wrote about tended to tell her something about the child.

Jane begins to slowly wander the room as they start their writing, and she keeps a soft eye on Katherine. It takes the girl an extra minute or two to begin writing, but soon Jane can see how fast she works.

She gives a curious glance at the title of the book, and something resonates in her.

Katherine was writing about ‘The Glass Castle’, a memoir Jane herself had read recently. It wove a tale of girl with an alcoholic and deranged father and a fairly absent mother. It was a fantastic read, in Jane’s opinion, and it intrigued her that Katherine had also read it.

Soon, the end of the class arrives and Jane asks the students to hand in their papers as they leave.

Most of the students rush out, eager to chat with their friends, but Katherine lingers to the back slightly. When she hands in her paper Jane gives her a smile, and Katherine returns it with a nervous one of her own. Jane turns back to her desk to organise the papers, and after a few moments she realises that Katherine is still standing by the doorway.

“Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Jane asks kindly.

Katherine looks incredibly embarrassed, nearly fearful of speaking to Jane.

“I just...I-“ she tries, but no coherent thoughts appear in her head. she berates herself for being so useless, as always. “No,” she finally says in a small voice. “Nothing, Miss.”

“Are you sure, Katherine?” Jane makes her voice as soft as possible. She’d only known the girl for an hour, but she seemed the skittish, run-if-someone-raised-their-voice type.

“I-I'm sure,” Katherine stutters. “I should get going to my next class. Um, thank you for the lesson.” With that slightly bizarre statement, Katherine disappears out of the door and Jane turns back to the papers on her desk.

If there was something wrong, she hopes that Katherine will soon be brave enough to ask whatever is on her mind. If it’s about the books then Jane would soon find out; they would be starting work on their first book project next week.

The rest of the day is an odd sort of blur to Jane. she begins to sort names and faces in her remaining classes, but none stick as clearly in her mind as tall, pink-haired Katherine Howard.

She sees another Catherine when she arrives home that night - her roommate, practically her sister, Catherine Parr, editor and novelist.

“Hey Parr,” she says as she lets herself in that night.

“Jane! how was the first day?” Parr asks, interested although she doesn’t look up.

Jane shrugs. “The usual. No one wanted to be there. But there was this one girl...” she trails off as Katherine Howard pops into her mind again.

Parr knows that look and she raises an eyebrow. “Did she stand out in a good or bad way?”

“She just seems very nervous,” Jane sighs. “She wants to do well, but I think there’s something else going on.”

There’s a few moments of silence as Jane wonders about the girl, before Parr speaks again.

“I'm sure if anyone can help her in class, it’s you.”

“I hope so, Parr,” Jane muses. “I hope so.”

Jane settles onto the couch and starts to read over the short answers most of the kids provided. Some wrote about novels, others about biographies, and even some about religious texts. Most answers were somewhat bland and uninspired, while a few stood out for their originality and prose.

Then Jane reaches Katherine Howard’s essay. Katherine has written far more than other students, taking up a full front page and half of the back, and Jane was startled at the girl’s writing voice. When she speaks about the author, the story’s protagonist, she is blown away at the layers Katherine is able to perceive and dissect.

It just leaves her with more questions, though, about Katherine’s story, and she can’t shake it from her head.

Jane writes her usual feedback comment at the bottom of the essay, praising Katherine’s writing ability and offering her agreement with some of Katherine’s opinions. Underneath, she puts a small ‘well done’ sticker; it was something she liked to do for students who did especially well, despite how juvenile it might seem to give the students stickers.

She continues marking the essays until she realizes that it’s about time for her to start making dinner.

She grades the remaining essays after dinner, but the one about ‘The Glass Castle’ doesn’t leave her head.

The next morning, her class begins to trickle in around ten minutes before the bell.

Katherine Howard scurries in merely seconds before it rings, ungracefully dropping into her seat, looking winded from running.

Jane pretends not to notice and begins class by handing out the essays. She also pretends not to notice that, as Jane drops hers on her desk, the deep red that flushes her face at the praise on the back.

“Now I think we should do a ‘get to know you’ game,” Jane says, leaning on her desk once all the essays had been distributed. “This class will be a lot of teamwork after all. When it’s your turn, stand and share somethings about yourself. who would like to go first?”

The entire class stare at their desks, not wanting to volunteer. Katherine is among them, although she dares to flit her gaze up for just the briefest of moments. When she makes eye contact she looks down straight away and Jane glances around the classroom.

“No volunteers?”

There’s silence again, and Jane sighs. She hates having to pick on students to get them to answer, but she always has to near the beginning of the year.

“Katherine Howard, would you like to start?”

Katherine feels every eye in the room fall on her, and her hand rises to nervously scratch at the back of her neck.

“No thank you,” she says quietly, slipping further into her seat.”

Jane doesn’t want to push her, but feels a gentle nudge could help. “The first person to go doesn’t have to try to impress anyone,” she says wisely. Katherine looks up, and their eyes catch for a half-second.

Katherine swallows hard, but stands up. “Well, I'm Katherine Howard,” she says in a shaky voice. “I like to read and write, I used to do music,” that word catches awkwardly in her throat, and Jane notices. “but now I mostly just focus on school.”

“Thank you, Katherine,” Jane smiles encouragingly. “And thank you for going first. Who would like to go next? You’re all going to have to go eventually, so you might as well get it over with.” She accompanies these words with a small laugh and to her relief, another student volunteers.

Jane listens to every student, but she can’t help but notice the way Katherine takes subtle yet deep calming breaths, closing her eyes momentarily in a way that seems practiced, as if she’d done it many times before.

Once all the students have gone, Jane has enough time to start the first lesson.

“This class,” she explains, handing out worksheets, “will be more than just essays and books. You will also explore poetry and creative writing. but before we get into that, understanding proper grammar and phrasing is key.”

She gives them till the end of the period to work on the handout, focused on punctuation, capitalization, and sentence structure. Only a handful finish before the bell, the rest having to finish it for homework.

Katherine Howard, of course, turns hers in.

“Miss Howard,” Jane says as the girl stands to leave. “a word, please.”

The girl pales dramatically, but shuffles obediently towards Jane’s desk. “Yes, Miss Seymour?” She asks timidly, head down, as if feeling she was about to be reprimanded.

Jane gives a half-frown and pulls a jar out of the bottom drawer of her desk. “Would you like a sweet, Miss Howard?”

Katherine looks taken aback, unsure of what to say.

“Um,” is all she manages, and Jane places the jar on her desk.

“Help yourself if you’d like one,” she says encouragingly, although without any pressure behind her voice. Katherine slowly reaches over and takes a small wrapped sweet from the jar, before bringing her hands to clasp together in front of her, not unwrapping the sweet.

“Thank you,” she says quietly.

“Of course,” Jane says, then lowers her voice. “You deserve it after that wonderful analysis of ‘The Glass Castle.’” she hesitates for a moment before speaking again. “Say, Katherine, where do you usually have your lunch?”

“The cafeteria,” Katherine says quietly, fiddling with her sleeves.

“Well, if you’d like,” Jane says, voice gentle and smooth as she can make it, “you’re welcome to come here during lunch and we can discuss the book further if you’d like. It’s up to you.”

Katherine looks slightly uncomfortable and she shuffles backwards the tiniest bit. She opens her mouth as if to answer, but then closes it again. Jane takes the opportunity to add a caveat to her statement to hopefully make Katherine less worried.

“Of course, if you’d rather spend that time with your friends then that’s perfectly fine. It’s your choice.”

Katherine nods once, rocking ever so slightly on her heels.

Jane cocks her head slightly, giving the girl a kind look. “I did thoroughly enjoy your essay,” she says. There has to be something to bring Katherine out of what Jane is suspecting to be a perfectly crafted façade.

But praise isn’t it.

“Thank you,” Katherine says politely, looking slightly downward.

A flicker of a frown passes over Jane’s lips. “You’d better run along, don’t want to be late.”

Katherine nods, then grabs her bag and books it out the door.

Jane sighs and gets ready for her next classes.

The pass in a breeze, and suddenly the lunch bell is ringing.

Her room falls silent for several minutes, Jane settling into her chair with a book and her lunch.

Suddenly, quiet footsteps grab her attention.

Katherine Howard is standing in her classroom door, holding her book and an apple, giving Jane a slightly hopeful look.

“Katherine,” Jane smiles. “Come in, take a seat”

Katherine hurries forwards and sits down in the chair opposite the desk. She places the book on the table and shifts, adjusting her legs until she was sitting cross-legged on the chair. Jane stifles a gentle laugh at the unconventional sitting position and glances down at the book.

it appears to be a library copy, well-thumbed and slightly battered, with a scrap of paper sticking out acting as a bookmark.

Katherine takes a nervous bite of the apple in her hand and starts to flick to where the bookmark is, several chapters in.

“Did you have something in particular you wanted to discuss?” Jane asks carefully, gauging the girl’s reaction.

“There was one part,” Katherine says, still hunting for the elusive page, her voice sounding much more thoughtful and freer than this morning. “This.” she passes the book to Jane without hesitation, and Jane fights to keep neutral at the preferred paragraph.

It describes, in a rather artistic telling, the first time the narrator was ever abused by her father, drunk and storming.

“What about this part, Katherine?”

“I wanted to...” Katherine shifts slightly, thumb absently tracing over the words, “um, talk about the language the author uses to describe what happened.”

“And what do you think about it?” Jane asks encouragingly, trying to coax more words out of the girl.

“I think it’s really effective,” Katherine says, very quietly. “Using such lovely words to describe something so horrible. The contrast works really well.”

Jane nods in agreement. “What in particular?”

Katherine teases one of the pages, as if she were able to turn the page to flee this conversation. “When she discusses him coming in, comparing it to a tiny storm on the empty sea...” She swallows hard, and Jane’s eye follow her hand as it returns to the back of her neck, like it had in class. “But by the end, it’s a hurricane and she’s a tiny desolate town.”

“You’re right, Katherine, it’s a wonderfully written section,” Jane says gently, and Katherine visibly relaxes at Jane’s approval. Katherine takes another bite of her apple, a bigger one this time, and Jane takes the opportunity to make a start on her own lunch. She asks Katherine a few more questions about the book, slowly coaxing linger and longer sentences out of her.

By the end of the lunch period, the conversations are less coaxing, more actual, fluid conversation.

The bell rings, and Jane could swear she sees a flicker of disappointment cross Katherine’s face.

“You’re welcome to come in after your last class, if you’d like,” Jane offers.

Katherine pales dramatically, visible even under the harsh fluorescents.

“If you’d rather not, then I'll see you tomorrow morning in class. It’s really up to you, love.” The term of endearment slips out without Jane thinking about it, but it’s one she usually reserves for her ‘favorite’ students (although she’d deny the claims) much later in the year, but Katherine had already arrived there now, on the second day.

“I'm busy after school,” Katherine says in a rush, followed by a hasty, “sorry, Miss Seymour,” When she worries she seemed rude in her response. Jane gives a gentle nod, trying to seem as calm as possible so not to startle the girl any more.

“That’s absolutely fine, Katherine, don’t worry.”

“I should go,” Katherine says, picking up her book and the discarded apple core from the desk. “Thank you, Miss Seymour.”

With that, she disappears around the door, leaving Jane alone.

Jane leans back in her chair to contemplate the enigmatic girl, and barely recognizes her next class trickling in until the bell rings, and she gets to her feet and continues her day.

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tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians @thinkaboutitmaybe @hansholbeingoesaroundzeworld @messanaa @beeskneeshuh @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy @justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @ladiez-in-waiting @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate @bellacardoza16 @bluify @katherines-choker

#six the musical #six musical #jane seymour #katherine howard #catherine parr #julie and jess write #between angels and demons #the world was on fire and no one could save me but you

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iridescentides · 5 years ago

Note

When you get this you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers. (Non-negotiable, positivity is cool!!)

thanks for sending this char 💜

(i feel like i always say pretty similar things for these, so im going to specifically try not to duplicate any of my answers from a couple months ago)

1. i am very diligent when it comes to growth and self improvement. im able to pick myself up again and again when i step back and realize that im unhappy. i tackle my problems in my head first, dissecting the root of them before making intentional changes to my life.

2. piggybacking off of that one, im super emotionally intelligent. im very in control of my emotions and how/when i show them, and in general i can very quickly decide on the most reasonable emotional reactions to situations and exercise control in that way.

3. im very musically talented. (im working on telling myself this more often.) i have always had a good ear for sounds and harmonies, and ive always been able to sound out songs and melodies based just on hearing them. ive been working on lots of mashups and covers recently, because songs and compatible parts just come to me naturally, and thats pretty cool. i play guitar, cello, ukulele, i sing, and i just recently started learning the bongos!

4. im really good at cultivating fulfilling friendships/relationships. the people i keep close are satisfied with my companionship because i know exactly how to meet their needs and encourage them to do whats best for themselves. im great at setting an example of respect and support in my everyday life.

5. ive always been a great swimmer! i dont remember ever having to specifically learn how to do it, i just keep myself up naturally. i can tread water for hours without getting tired. someday i want to try swimming across a lake because while ive never done that, i know i have the stamina for it.

#this was a little bit harder than before #i never really run out of things i like about myself but my go-to's are always my hair and my confidence #and i mentioned both of those last time #this time i had to think a lil harder #thanks again friend!#answered asks #rockyblue

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thegothicviking · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @reeshs @ofmemesandbands to do a little "get to know me ask thingy". Thank you for that, you beauties! 🖤 Excuse my long answers but I think you'd be entertained anyway! (I hope?)

Nickname: Mary Cemetery, Mary, or simply Viking/The Viking.

Real name: That will remain a mystery/a secret but I can reveal that it begins with M. (But it's not Mary or Mari or anything similar) and I do have the word "Viking" in one of my last names (I have two surnames because my parents were not married and wanted me and my big sis to have both of their family names. So yes! A little part of my name is Viking-[something]from my mother's maiden name/original family name. Meaning YES I am indeed Viking!

Zodiac: Taurus/Tyren/El Toro

Favorite musicians or bands:

- The Bauhaus (or Peter Murphy as solo)

- The Sisters of Mercy

- Lords of The New Church (or Stiv Bators as solo)

- Feeling B & Magdalene Keibel Combo (Flake and Paul are my bois!)

- Rammstein (also nice bois!)

- David Bowie (Rest in peace my sweet boi!)

- Dissection (Rest in Chaos Jon, even though you were a homophobic lunatic/Asshole I still liked your music. Swedish Satanic Black Metal)

- A lot of deathmetal

- Skeletal Family (many 80's goth rock bands really)

-Nachtmahr

- Eisbrecher

- Stahlmann

-Deine Lakaien

- Scorpions

- Depeche Mode (anything from the 1980's really)

- Classical compositioners like Edvard Grieg/Beethoven/Bach and a little bit of Mozart or Vivaldi

- KSMB. Swedish punk rock/German punk rock or Swedish metal (yes...I am a Norwegian that prefers SWEDISH Black Metal. Shoot me if you must!)

- Rosetta Stone

- Pretencious Moi? (Their lyrics are like an unfinished story and you can fill the gaps!)

- KNORKATOR (absolute insane and silly bois, I love them!!)

- Rozz Williams (Rest in Peace my sweet beautiful boi!),

- INXS (Rest in Peace M. Hutchence my beautiful boi!)

- Die Ärzte

- Skitarg (like a Swedish ICP but of course a lot better and with funnier lyrics!)

- Danzig

Favorire Sports team: Team Bisexual! 💜

Other Blogs: Not yet. I still need to learn how to add other blogs and then I will do one specifically about my Liebeslied Rammstein fic series and the character's. And maybe also my poetry in there too. Or maybe not.

Do I get asks?: Sometimes. Mostly I get questions about being Norwegian/Scandinavian or someone make rude Anon comments about one of my posts and I have to defend myself and my opinions. But a part from that; No. Not that many.

How many blogs do I follow?: 132

Tumblr crushes: Yes.

Lucky Numbers: 13 (After I won a non-smoking contest in class and my name was number 13 on the class list) I have also always liked the numbers 8 and 0. I prefer even numbers.

What am I wearing?: Comfy plain black suit/tracksuit looking pants that are both stylish and comfy AND has pockets!!, and my black long sleeve Feeling B jumper, no socks and no bra and black hotpants (knickers. I hate wearing thongs/g strings!)

Dream Vacation: I long to go back to Prague, and I want to visit Egypt and the Pyramids, Berlin (because we only got to stay in the city for a couple of hours..ugh!) I also long back to Auschwitz....(yes. I do. I was there in 2007/2008. I am a WWII history nerd!)

Dream car: Either a very old school and dashing Ford Model T, a hearse or a big brutal Panzer Tank. There is no in between!

Favorite Food: Anything that doesn't contain too much garlic (Iiiish!), raisins, Olives, Pineapples (NO PINEAPPLES ON PIZZAAAAAA!), coconuts or too much spices/chili/Soy (I am allergic to Soy) And don't worry you can feed me Vegetarian/Vegan food too! I won't try to bring my own meat and I will trust your cooking skills as long as you don't feed me any of the ingredients above!!

Drink of choice: That depends on the situation/disaster/time of the day and mood. Is it a good day? Then Water, Corona (the beer not the virus!!) or Energy drinks. Is it morning? A good Landersino (weak capuccino but strong milk coffee) Is it Evening/night time? Then a nice cup of tea. Has it been a terrible day? Then Gin & Tonic, Vodka & Redbull, A really strong Long Island Ice Tea or Rum & Coke.

Instruments: The horrible cat shriek sounding Recorder Flute. That is the only instrument that I am rocking at the moment! (I will play the Titanic song for you if I truly love you!)

Languages: Norwegian Nynorsk, Norwegian Bokmål, my dialect, English, Swedish (Gothenburg dialect or Scaania/Malmö dialect), Spanish and I am also trying to learn German and Welsh (yes. Welsh. It is beautiful but impossible to learn!)

Celebrity Crushes: David Bowie (rest in peace sweet alienboi!) Stoya (female pornstar), Till Lindemann, Noomi Rapace (Swedish Actress), Michael Nyqvist (Swedish Actor. Rest in Peace my sweet boi!), young Kate Bush, Antonio Banderas, John Maclean (discovered this divine creature on Youtube recently!), Rozz Williams (Rest in Peace my sweet boi!), Peter Murphy, Emilie Autumn (but I don't listen to her that often anymore), Adora Batbrat (Gothic Youtuber but I am not that fan of her anymore), Razor Candi (Gothic Model but she has gotten some more surgeries now that I don't like), Salma Hayek, Shakira.

Random Fact(s):

A little gross but I have basically no nails on either of my pinky-toes. I was born that way and I am the 5th generation woman on my mother's side that doesn't have pinky toe nails! (I miss the upper part so trying to cut them is always a game of Russian Roulette...will I be able to cut it? Will I cut my skin, bleed and die?? I'll have to cut and see because the tiny little stump/piece of nail is still jabbing me if it gets "too long" :)! )

I was also born with a more inward bent spine/back and I was told by my Chiropracter (or how you spell it?) at the age of 10 that if I didn't do exercises/wore a corset..(at the age of 10!?!?) for my back then it would break/snap should I ever want to get pregnant (even though I always look pregnant when I relax and walk "normally".....*sigh*). So yeah I need to work up my core! (But I am too lazy to do so ...)

I know how to belly dance (not that many moves but I'm still learning from online classes)

I can write and read in the Elder Futhark runes without cheating!

I am a natural cold blooded bitch with a normal temperature of 36.4 °C, instead of the standard 37.5°C. (Once again this is from my mother's side)

I did amateur acting from the age of 6-19 and in 10 out of those 13 years/plays I had to be a boi/man because we were always in short of bois and I have a deep voice I guess.. (so yeah for 10 years of my childhood I was basically a boi/man!)

Despite enjoy dressing up in skirts and dresses and do my makeup I have a very butch/masculine personality (I was a tomboy as a kid) and both men and women are either terrified or confused by this (as they expect me to be just as feminine as my looks/makeup. Which is silly!)

I am sadistic (in my writing and in my thoughts) and one of the reasons why I write is to be able to TORTURE and/or KILL "people" without getting arrested :)

Ok so I am not gonna tag anyone in particular. If you would like to answer these questions then go right ahead and do so!

Uki. Takk! Det var/va alt! (Ok. Thanks! That was all!)

#the viking finally answers #the viking gets tagged #sorry for the delay my beauties!

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ironndred · 5 years ago

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What do you expect? DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT.

Literally started this blog 5 days ago and I’ve cleared my inbox twice because of antis who feel the need to have me unravel my sexual history and what I have survived through in order to justify my desire to partake in Starker. For some reason, they think it’s okay to ask intrusive and triggering questions, or ask me if I’ve let sexual abuse “turn me into a monster”.

Dark!fic topics are honest. The subjects that surround the genre happen EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. and exist outside of internet stories about fictional people. I’ve been involved in fanfiction since 2007, as a 13 year old kid with internet as my only sanctuary in terms of learning how to cope with trauma. Fiction and literature, just as music and poetry, are all means of catharsis and from pain and emotions that we may not have been able to put words to without help. Or perhaps a glimpse of history re-written in which the reader wins through the victim prevailing. Victories are not always expressed in black and white, and sometimes healing is found in the violent, dark, but honest corners of dark!fic. But at the end of the day, writing has never been about getting into the author’s head; instead it’s a mirror of topics and ideas a reader has never had the wherewithal to dissect.

I’ve done my best to even police my own reblogs on non-starker centered media, as everyone who exercise common sense and keep their nose out of the Starker tag deserves to have their boundaries respected, no matter if you’re in a public space and invite public commentary on your content. But if you’re taking the time to log onto your Tumblr and click the link/search for the starker tag, and then fucking wondering why there’s starker content on your screen, I really need you ask yourself what about that process makes any sense.

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. If you do not want to read Starker, see Starker, smell or hear or eat Starker, then see yourself out. KEEP. OUT. OF. THE. TAG. Why is that so fucking hard?

#starker

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deckspair · 5 years ago

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May’s Musical Director’s Commentary

Hey guys! I'm May. You might remember me as "the one who did those nifty chatlogs and the roster page" or "the one who did all the music" or "that one mod who never said anything." Los and Mints agreed to let me write up this "director's commentary" on the music I did for DECK. There's no secret lore tidbits in here or anything, but if you liked my music you might find this an interesting glimpse into the process.

A Note On Sampling

Sampling is the practice of using preexisting audio to make new music. When I talk about what I've sampled here, I'm only going to mention particularly interesting cases. Almost all of the music I've done for DECK features audio from Free Wave Samples, so I figure that's not really worth mentioning except here. It's the other stuff that's interesting. EarthBound was an influence on my decision to pull in a bunch of audio from outside sources. I've always admired that game's use of sampling.

The First Chatlog

The chatlogs have consistently been pretty fun to do. I knew from the start that I didn't want to edit this together by hand, so I wrote a Processing sketch to render the video. It's not the most elegant thing in the world, and adding new features is a massive pain, but it's a lot easier than putting these together any other way. All I have to do is swap out the script and background shader and write a new song and I can just let the program churn away rendering a new video. (Of course, fiddling with the shader until it looks presentable takes so long that it kind of eats into the time savings.)

There's not much to say about this one. The typing sounds were graciously provided by Mints. Those with careful ears might notice the instrument playing the chords in other chatlog songs.

The Second Chatlog

One of the only interesting things about this one: the melody is actually a musical cryptogram! What it spells out is an exercise for the reader. ;) The miscellaneous background sounds are all distorted versions of stuff I recorded myself one day when my film teacher let me wander the halls with a microphone. Film school has its perks.

Rio Hachimitsu's BDA

Doing the first body drop music was pretty intimidating. The body discovery music in Danganronpa has a particular instantly recognizable quality to it. If I wanted to go for that style, I'd have to get it down perfectly. (Otherwise I'd come off as a cheap imitation.) So I decided to be original. After school PSAs would be proud.

The melody here is probably pretty familiar to you all by now. Every BDA has used some variation of this melody because I'm a sucker for leitmotif. The melody itself is a slightly modified version of the Dies Irae. (Yes, I know I'm very pretentious, but being pretentious is fun.) This is also the first instance of what I call the "death rattle." I put that strange scraping sound into every BDA and execution for consistency's sake. You can see it as the moment the soul leaves the deceased's body or the moment the onlookers realize somebody's just died... or something. The really fun part is what it is - it's a bell tree! Yknow, those tinkly whimsical things. It's just been reversed and slowed down and drenched in reverb. It's fun how malleable audio is.

Minnie Minami's EXE

This was fun! Despite being a film student for a while, I've never had to write music to sync up with a video before. (I still haven't - I'm pretty sure the video was edited to match up with the music and not vice versa.) The overall tone of this one was pretty obvious. Of course a ringleader's execution would be accompanied by messed up circus music. Anything else just wouldn't be right. There's not really much else to say about it other than that it includes samples from my toy accordion and slide whistle.

Sampled:

An old recording of Auld Lang Syne

Yasu Kozakura's BDA

The body drop's usage of mirrors really hit me in the art gut, so I figured the BDA jingle should have something to do with mirrors. This is why the melody plays forwards and backwards simultaneously, because mirrors. (Some call that kind of thing a "crab canon.")

My incredibly good and quality cat piano is also in here. A stretched out meow recorded from it forms the basis of the background chord.

NANIKO's EXE

For this one, I gave the video editor three different tracks, one for each "segment" of the execution. I did this as a cop-out because I didn't want to have to try to sync my music up with the video - this way, the editor could mash it all together.

The segment with the mirrors was an exercise in what's called "phase music", where two lines drift out of sync with each other, creating different rhythmic textures over the course of the song. (Piano Phase and Clapping Music, both by Steve Reich, are two classic examples of the form.) For some reason, echoey piano lines phasing in and out of sync feel mirror-y to me. They also form a nice musical callback to the BDA.

Sampled:

Me switching frequencies on the radio

Sayuri Nishi's BDA

Shoutout to Free Wave Samples for having a heartbeat sound. I didn't want to try to make that sound myself with drums.

Kosuke Nakamura's EXE

This execution is significant because it's the first non-video one. Execution art wasn't my department, so I'm not going to speak on how that change affected the artists, but I found it liberating to be able to follow the more general emotional arc of the execution rather than being tethered to the pacing of a video.

When I asked Angela for guidance on where to go musically, we came to the conclusion that the proper genre would be "Tom and Jerry noir." That description alone is why I loved doing music for DECK - where else do you get the opportunity to write something with that as guidance? The most natural interpretation in my view was a song that starts out jazzy and segues into slapstick-esque classical to mirror the transition from the safety of noir to being mauled by a giant robot cat.

Also, the Slack notification sound is in there, since Los suggested a social media notification sound in the background somewhere. (Slack's basically social media for tech dorks, right?)

Sampled:

Slack

Tom and Jerry

The Missing BDAs

Unfortunately, I got preoccupied and neglected to do BDA music for the deaths in Chapter 4. Generally, there's not many interesting things to say about stuff that doesn't exist. The plan was to sample Pomp and Circumstance for Law N... but I didn't. Sorry, Froggy. I didn't have any other plans for this one.

Ukiyo-Maemi's EXE

This one relies so much on sampling it almost makes me feel bad. I got so much mileage out of the clanging percussion and the spooky background sounds that it's basically cheating.

Sampled:

My lovely girlfriend 💕

OFF

Akira Akatsuki's BDA

I was in a very percussion-heavy mood when I wrote this. (Can you tell?) Listening to the FLCL soundtrack had me jonesing for some dramatic cymbals.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Genko Junshu's BDA

Junshu's body was found in the Navigation Station. This called to mind sonar beeps and garbled radio messages and such. This is another one that wouldn't be nearly as interesting without the sampling. Hopefully this is transformative enough to not get me labeled a hack.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Law Kiyuu's EXE

This execution actually freaked me the hell out the first time I read it. Freaked me out for like a week - something about the combination of incredible writing and the subject matter. It honestly felt calculated to scare me specifically.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun with this one. I wanted to write something as unsettling as the execution it was accompanying. The intro is supposed to represent Law thinking he's already dead. Next comes his terror (evoked with the hilariously dissonant Altered scale), and then the final spooky arrhythmic section is supposed to be him being cut apart. (Note that part of the music drifts out of sync with itself to represent Law, uh, going to pieces.) The return of the piano is supposed to evoke the flashback section. That kind of piano sound always sounds spooky and/or sentimental to me.

Not much else to say now that I've dissected (heh) basically all of the decisions I've made for this one. I'm really proud of Law's execution song - it might be my favorite out of all the ones I've done for DECK.

Sampled:

Earthbound

Persona 2: Innocent Sin

The Doug Theme

Death Note

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"

gamer butt song

Frogbot's EXE

The original plan for this one was start this one off with a hocket-y medley of all the previous body drops and executions. However, it would have been really tedious to export then import all the relevant instruments, so I didn't do that. Instead I remixed the typical BDA theme. It's supposed to convey the shift from FrogBot's reign of despair to the triumph of getting them executed. I realized part of the way through that this segment was far too triumphant given how many people died and the fact that the submarine is about to explode, so then I just ended it by lingering on a diminished chord. I'm not a very subtle person. Frogbot's execution lacks the death rattle 'cause there's no horrifying realization that one of your classmates is dead. (Exercise for the reader: find where I hid the Flintstones theme in this song. Good luck.)

Conclusion

DECK was a lot of fun to work on. I wrote some extremely messy code, made some sick as hell videos, and wrote some pretty baller music. I got to see some wonderful artists do their work, and I got to skim some pretty intense roleplaying. Thank you to everyone who said nice things about my music and to the mods for being really cool dudes. Special thanks to Mints and Los for letting me put this long-winded rant on their blog, and thank you for reading this whole thing.

See you on the flip side, y'all.

#music

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teatimewithtess · 6 years ago

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My Experience at a 4 Week Summer School

Arkansas Governor’s School is a 4 week summer program where the 400 most gifted and talented students meet to discuss the future of the worlds’ current mindset while also gaining new insight from experienced college professors and top high school teachers. The daily schedule is divided into three areas: Area I, an assigned class focused on one specific education (i.e. English, math, social science, natural science, instrumental music, etc.), area II, a philosophy based course focused on critical thinking skills, and area III, the class where we used the critical thinking techniques from area II to apply them to the social issues of today, such as racism, school shootings, climate change, etc. In order to become a student of AGS, one must fill out the simple application process which includes the following: an essay regarding the provided prompt, 2 recommendation letters, a list of achievements/accomplishments in high school, a writing assignment about your reasoning for choosing your desired area I subject, and another essay about why you want to attend AGS. After completing all required materials in the admission process, you then wait until you receive an email granting your secured spot in attending AGS. Receiving that specific email was a step towards the road of change, and I was completely unaware.

Now, let me post a slight disclaimer: I might use the same type of wording in order to express how AGS went for me, but I simply cannot help it. I will not over hype nor will I under exaggerate the experience as a whole. I will speak of my time, what I did, who I met, and how I felt. Let us begin.

First, I wrote in a black leather bound journal every day. I titled each day “AGS Day -- July --” in order to keep my days straight because I honestly did not ever have an idea of what day it was, or what time it was. The first two weeks we were not allowed to have our phones and it was one of the most refreshing times, mentally. I was glad I never knew what time it was; I was going through each day with no worry. I never had a thought about who I need to text, what other people were up to, or what was happening in the news. Having met so many new, different people at one time without having my cellphone was an oasis for my mind. I could openly connect with other different ways of thinking, which overall affected me in a positive way because I forced myself to listen purely- not listen to speak. By speaking less and observing more, I was able to do so much more. For me, it was writing. Now, the writing in this journal was not for feelings and “he loves me, he loves me not” ideas, it was simply to physically document everything that happened that day because if I did not, I would forget them. Time shows no mercy for our memories, and I wanted to make sure that they lived forever.

Secondly, I took notes on EVERYTHING. When lectures occurred at 4:00pm and 6:00pm, I would go to as many as I could and gain as much knowledge as I could. With that, I now have many pages filled in my journal and many other notebooks of what experienced professors had to say. The topics ranged from food psychology to life beyond Earth, the ending of a story to the psychology of self talk in sports, and the debate between science and god to the dissection of short films. If you can think it, there was a lecture on it. Of course I did not want to forget any of those talks either, especially when they were delivering valuable information that is not even mentioned in high school, so I documented the ones that were most interesting to me. The memories of knowledge can be refreshed.

Next, one of the most impactful habits I began was writing down questions. Whenever I started to read philosophy about a year ago, I developed a new, open way of thinking. With this new way of thinking, I started to have more and more questions about everything, which eventually led me to discover the psychological side of it in philosophy via research papers. However, I never thought about writing these down because I thought they were ridiculous or other people would quickly dismiss them; but, as soon as I sat through the first day of area II realizing I had already written down a full page of questions, I knew I needed to continue this practice. Luckily, I met a few very impactful people that allowed me to ask these questions and actually nurtured the methodology I had.

With that, I prepare for the most important part of my AGS experience: the professors.

I met approximately 5 people that influenced me in the greatest of ways. The first one is a satirical, yet highly intelligent English professor that taught my afternoon area I class, English. He was the first person that noticed my reading of philosophy and became ecstatic at the idea of a student my age reading these works this early. I continued to converse with him occasionally after class and during lunch, where he introduced me to the process of acquiring a PhD in English, and English in college as a whole. He gave me many book titles, notes he took in college, and most importantly a confidence in sharing my ideas. Unfortunately, in my English area I class specifically, I encountered many roadblocks regarding peoples’ way of thinking that forced me to refrain from expressing my ideas/logic. This professor however witnessed I was occurring this phenomenon and later wrote to me that my ideas need to be spread. Since we are on the topic of English professors, there was another mentor that encouraged me to do more creative writing. This old fellow was a master of poetry, but somehow adored my work and pursued me to write a novel after reading one of my pieces. He also endorsed my reading of philosophy, and will also stay in touch post AGS. The instrumental music teacher and I became great friends after attending one of his many Jazz classes. He was a quirky professor of jazz that truly represented the epitome of what a musician is. You could see his love for music in his performing, and I respect and praise that from a student perspective, being a musician myself. He noticed how much I supported my fellow musicians and loved the idea of me doing so. He inspired me to keep smiling as much as I do, and that simple gesture stuck with me. No one has ever told me to continue ‘being happy’, they only question why I do smile. Coming from an older, loving musician, it meant a lot to me. I also met with a library technician that informed me on the world of publishing and writing for the public. She gave me tremendous advice that will help me as soon as I begin writing research articles in college, and I am forever grateful for her insight. Finally, there is one professor that influenced me the greatest. He is an optimistic psychologist that taught my area II class of philosophy/critical thinking. After talking to him several times post class, it gradually became a regular thing after lectures and movies, and even during dinner or lunch. After one specific talk, he helped me gain traction on what my career goals were. He introduced me to psychology, which I had never even thought about before, and unconsciously opened this academic door that will help me as I complete my final year of college and begin my long journey of becoming an academic. Each conversation posed new questions I immediately needed to document or write about later, and it all eventually led to my reading list reach an unfathomable amount. He nurtured my constant need of questions, unlike other teachers that quickly dismiss them to junk since I am still a teenager, which means it is irrational for me to ask such questions even though they themselves cannot likely define what irrationality is. I cannot praise in written word anymore how impactful this professor was. I will forever be in his debt.

The best part of AGS was the professors because they volunteered to work with these 400 kids. They helped shape me into me. They helped guide me into the right area of assessing who I am and what do I know, and who are the others and what do they know. The atmosphere they created was unlike any other; it was comforting, yet challenging, welcoming, but serious. Even in just the small time I had with these mentors, I believed I could trust them with any thought I had. In some ways, it felt as if they were trying to figure me out, which made the camp even more entertaining. They welcomed my thoughts and ideas with open arms which allowed me to grow exponentially.

Because of this whole experience, I resulted in developing particular habits that might not make much sense to many people but I know it makes sense to these mentors and fellow students of the camp.

1) Every time I have a memory, flashback, dream, nightmare, vision, or daydream, I write it down. I came to the conclusion that if I do not write down these events then I will forget them, and I need them to use as inspiration.

2) When I have a question, I write it down as well. I hope in the future I can answer some of them, but not all of them.

3) I read some type of research paper and/or listen to a podcast related to my future field of study.

4) I take a heavy amount of notes on everything I hear/read. I did not realize until after this camp how much I enjoy taking notes, especially when it is just verbal, so I have to exercise my comprehension skills. I also, depending on the importance of the talk, will record certain lectures given it is relevant information that I need later on.

Alongside these habits I also developed lasting friendships with fellow students all across the state. Our wavelengths are compatible, which presents positive signs for a lasting relationship with one another. I know I will see them in the near future.

I will never forget this meta strophic event that planted itself in my teenage years, and I hope my search for the same atmosphere I was in for 4 weeks is successful.

#philosophy #philosophical #writing #writer #creative wrting #my wrting #mentor #experimental #Thoughts #spilled thoughts #new blog #blogger #personal blogging #consciousliving #science #neuroscience

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immersionprogramsinspain-blog · 6 years ago

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Find out Spanish the Fast Technique With This Spanish Concentration Software

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dateflight398 · 4 years ago

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Dating As A Single Dad Reddit

Dating As A Single Dad Reddit Free

Dating Single Parents Reddit

Reddit Dating Advice

A few years ago, I started cracking jokes regularly about hot dads. Then when I met a charming, handsome dude with good taste in music and tacos at a secret Santa vinyl swap party last winter, I started dating one. Suddenly the jokes seemed a little creepy, and although I actively pumped the brakes on making them, those familiar with my menagerie of hot dad puns rose a skeptical eyebrow. I didn't seek out a hot dad, it just happened. Hotness aside, there's some unexpected things that happen when you date a single dad.

I've dated ('dated') divorced dudes before, which might be a little similar, but this relationship marks my first with a parent. When the relationship was brand-spankin' new, a lot of close friends lamented renditions of, 'I could never DATE A PARENT.' They echoed sentiments of kids being deal breakers. But I just figured, we're getting older. Everyone has a past and brings baggage into a relationship. And sometimes that baggage needs soccer lessons. Although, of course, I find my partner's child a deeply charming, fun, hilarious little human who doesn't qualify as 'baggage.' You know what I mean. A man willing and thrilled to take on the dad role shows commitment. It shows a patient man who gives a damn and has a loving heart. These are positive things. However, yeah..dating one of these men summons some unique situations sometimes.

Aug 27, 2018 Single dads have responsibilities, and that’s a sign that they’ll be able to handle a relationship maturely. Speaking of fatherly responsibilities, single dads have to take their kids to the Dentist, the Doctor, and other appointments. This means that it should be relatively easy to meet a single dad if you’re looking to date one. If you’re newly single, ease into it. Remember, you’re the grown-up here. “The decision to date is 100. Single Officers, hows your dating life? I am a Deputy that is currently working in the county jail. I was recently set up on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She was was really cute from her pictures and i was told she was a great person so i agreed. We met for dinner and I was actually having a good time.

He gets along great with your dad

I already knew I was dating a sociable, nice guy, and my dad is the same way, but I don't know how I failed to predict this easy bond. It's kinda unbelievably cute to watch them nerd out on fatherhood together.

He moves easily in different social situations

If he has to make pleasant conversation with other parents during tae kwan do, he can flow harmoniously through your old coworker's new girlfriend's potluck.

Finding tiny clothes in your clean laundry

Or..not even that tiny. Just not yours and not big enough to be his. I recently unearthed a red T-shirt that was definitely not mine in a batch of clean laundry I did at bae's house. Granted, I'm a fairly petite person and my boyfriend's child is seven. Even though I modeled it for jokes above, I resisted the urge to actually don and sport it around. That seemed too far.

Reexamining past relationships

Every situation is different, but my boyfriend is still on amicable terms with his child's mother, who also lives near us. Matters are so peachy that she even shared me on a Google Calendar she, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend share re: who has chief parenting duties when (it's half-and-half, really). This kind of amazing camaraderie made me really look at past relationships I'd previously kept duct-taped in a box and tossed the way-back part of the closet. I'd like to say this exercise made me resurrect toxic romantic relationships as healthy friendships, but that hasn't quite happened yet (and with some specific ones, I honestly can't see that ever happening). More than anything, I think it's helped me recognize the hard fact that all humans have faults and, in general, good intentions. Harmony can exist with a little work. (Though to be fair, I can't take credit for the calendar. That's all his superstar ex's handiwork and maturity.)

Realizing people sure like to make fun of/talk about dads

I actually muted #dadbod from Twitter and had to fake a million smiles for people trying to relate to me by bringing the meme up IRL. Also very tired of the dad joke thing (which is real, sure, but still not a phenom I care to discuss for the 999th time).

There's far less invented drama

Dating As A Single Dad Reddit Free

When a person has to care for another human, they simply have less emotional and physical energy to invent snafus or hang-ups. Nothing is a big deal unless it's an actual Big Deal. He has developed a wisdom to help him identify the difference between the two, and if you haven't already done the same, hanging with him long enough will be educational.

You have an incredibly patient partner

Someone who had to teach a tiny, indignant child how to master the toilet isn't gonna flip when you need to take nine breaks hiking back out of a canyon.

You save money

I've never considered my income sizable until I started thinking of the glaring fact that I don't have to split it with anyone. Since single dads still have to, you know, fund their child, there isn't always a ton of extra dough to fund flippant outings to fancy cocktail bars or jump onto tubing trips you didn't even want to attend in the first place. It inspires you to be more mindful of your own spending habits. As such—

He's wildly creative with cheap and free activities

And knows every single dope park worth visiting in town.

It forces you to address your own insecurities..

So when the kid asks, 'Why are you wearing lipstick?' You can actually think to yourself, '..Yeah. Why am I doing that?' And in a more serious sense, it forces you to dissect immature impulses. Like when you're running late to meet a friend because you're stuck in a child-stuffed lantern parade one town over, you're not allowed to bitch and force your S.O. to help you summon an Uber to pick you up, STAT—because he's too busy pushing the kid on a skateboard inside the festivities to indulge your princess agenda. It makes you take a more discerning look at this princess agenda and brainstorm ways to be more reasonable in general.

..and to be an adult yourself.

I was playing with the kid at a playground near my boyfriend's apartment and when an authority figure from the attached daycare came out to ask if we had permission to be there, I immediately turned to the child. Then I realized, 'Oh fuck. I'm supposed to answer here.' I've always been a touch afraid of authority but knew I had to handle the current situation. It turned out fine, by the way.

Conversely, it means you can't let jealousy get to you with exes. I used to let envy blind me badly in the past—even if a boyfriend managed to remain congenial with an ex, the whole bond made me feel rattled as hell. Now that I'm with a person who's ex will be around in a close way forever and ever amen, I have to be OK with that. Which is the adult thing to do anyway. We can't let ourselves feel threatened for no viable reason.

He knows the world doesn't revolve around him

This can be a difficult quality to find in this world of overgrown Peter Pans on the hunt for their own Mother figure—a person to handle all the less savory household duties, remind them to go to the doctor, praise them constantly, hinge their daily or long-term plans on what Pan wants or says he needs. This situation is different, because he already takes on that role for his child while still taking decent care of himself. Playing Mother to a series of adult Peter Pans got old, so this kind of attitude is a very welcome change of pace.

He is deliberate

Since there's a kid involved, he isn't trying to be all willy-nilly with decisions in life—both those that do and don't concern you. That's pretty hot, TBH.

You can dodge responsibility for your music choices

When 'Uptown Funk' happens six times in a row, I can blame that on the kid (which is true). Same with Katy Perry (which might be an extrapolation or even just my idea).

It's hard to gross him out

Possibly one of the best treats of dating a dad. If your cat got secretly sick and he steps barefoot into a pile of barf, he doesn't love it but he understands that happens (probably because he has experience direct skin-to-someone else's-barf contact before). He also doesn't panic about periods or farts or other body stuff.

Dating Single Parents Reddit

His place is gonna be messy..forever

Cleaning is one of my favorite forms of therapy, likely because if I'm in a highly cluttered space physically, that transfers mentally and makes me feel like a stressed-out trashcan. Very early in this relationship, I suggested I help my boyfriend with an intense cleaning sesh of his kitchen. We had a lot of wine and played loud punk and soon it was gleaming. This lasted about 36 hours. With a child and full-time job and other luxurious duties such as bathing oneself and staying fed (AND keeping the kid fed), cleaning falls to the wayside. Besides not having enough time to clean, kids are just miraculously mess-inducing machines. Tireless ones. As such, I try to see this situation as an opportunity to relax my OCD tendencies and work to become a more patient, understanding person. Of course my apartment is much cleaner—because I only have to account for me. It isn't fair to hold him to the same standard.

You learn how to relinquish some control

I recognize I have some control freak tendencies, relationships included. A lot of life is outside our control and dating someone with a child is a very effective reminder that no matter what, we can't always call the shots. We have to be adaptable. As such, I waited until my boyfriend thought it would be OK to introduce me to his kid. And even then, it's not like I leapt from a cake and shouted, 'I AM YOUR NEW MOM!!!!!!!!!!!' Not at all. I'm still just a buddy who kicks it from time to time to join in on eating pizza or playing 'balloon' or the occasional ride home from school. When and if my boyfriend wants to explain my role in his life to his child, that's not really up to me. It's a discussion he and I can have, but it's not my endeavor to pilot.

You get a bit of perspective about your own age..

It's fun to make fun of Oldsters until you realize you are now one. This is highlighted by the frequency at which you offer anecdotes children don't want to hear, always marked with the beginning, 'When I was a kid..' They don't care, probably. They just don't need to hear about how your lack of skills with Donkey Kong at age seven feeds into your lack of skills with Mario Kart Racing at age 27. They're just stoked to authentically beat an adult.

..and your general level of importance.

Not to say my boyfriend treats me like I'm not important; He treats me with total kindness and respect. It's just that I have dated people in the past who put me on a pedestal, and you know what? The oxygen gets pretty thin up there. Although I'm sure it's meant as an appreciative gesture, it's unrealistic and puts a lot of pressure on the person sitting on top of it. Dating a parent, though, means no matter what, there is always going to be someone more important than I am in the mix. And I am so so OK with that.

There's no room for jealousy

If a sitter falls through last-minute, that means reservations gotta be canceled and dinner gets moved to the living room and the main dish will probably be pizza. You can't take it personally if homie is late because his child's mother got a flat tire so he had to go help out. You also can't get suspicious when he's on the phone with her a lot. These are complicated waters to navigate and if you're even to dip a few toes beneath the surface, you gotta be able to resign yourself to faith and trust—two things that ought to be present in any grown-ass relationship anyway. It's just here, it's especially non-negotiable.

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Reddit Dating Advice

Shit doesn't have to be so serious

I never babysat growing up and none my nieces and nephews live close by, so I don't actually have much experience hanging out with kids. The first time I met my boyfriend's child, I was 900 times more nervous than meeting any adult. What were we supposed to do or talk about? 'Seriously, whatever,' he instructed. After a while, the nerves dissolved and we were playing a stirring game of 'balloon,' which entails whacking a balloon back and forth between two or three people in a living room. Extra rules vary, but usually Taylor Swift is a necessary soundtrack. Things just don't have to be so serious in the sense that kids are very fun and it's almost astounding how quickly you can reverse back to such an easily entertained brain space. It's freeing to launch into some weird accent and spike a deflating balloon in the air without fear of being judged. It scratches a specific existential itch.

There's no ego

Because guess who makes the weird accent and plays balloon when you're not around? Conversely, though— Gaydia gay dating site reviews.

You can have serious conversations without scaring each other

Although I'm sure there are exceptions, most of the time when a single dad is dating, he isn't just screwing around. It's surprisingly refreshing to sink into a relationship and have the comfortable freedom to discuss individual big-scale hopes and goals. In other relationships, talking about the future at all can often be exactly the catalyst to send Pan off packing for a return and permanent trip to Neverland.

You retain a lot of your own time

Often, especially in new relationships, it can be hard to balance love stuff and friends. https://dateflight398.tumblr.com/post/658104267855577088/catholic-dating-app-free. Assuming you're in a situation with split custody in a local setting, that means half the time you get to yourself. It helps slow things down early on and maintain other hobbies, tinkerings, friendships, and such in your own life. It's the antithesis to smothering and fosters vital independence.

Images: TriStar Picturs; Giphy(23); Beca Grimm

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isoboto · 5 years ago

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A Controversial Opinion: (Not) Taking A Knee, In Sports

▬▬▬

00 | PREFACE

Welcome to an episode where I try to break your echo chamber. This is your host, Eva. I hope you’re having a great day.

Have a seat and settle down because you, my lovely readers, are about listen to one of the silent voice you don’t know exist, or if you do you are usually very quick to attack/dismantle/dismiss.

The purpose of this is not to trigger or anger you. It’s to explain to you why some people acts and thinks differently from you.

Welcome to the real world.

Today, we will be tackling why some athletes won’t take a knee or why some leagues don’t mandate kneeling as part of their operation to eradicate racism. As well as the future implications of kneeling in sports.

Some context: I’ve only gotten into hockey recently as a form of escape from politics. I watched soccer and NASCAR with my dad, but we aren’t religious fan.

I’m from Vietnam, a regime where criticisms against authority or merely pointing out faults in the system is very much like asking for a death sentence. I’ve been political since I started middle school and had put myself into many risky situations for expressing my opinions.

I came to Canada for a better future and was determined to put my past behind me and not involved in more political talks. I followed the news, but I kept my mouth shut. Being agreeable is very easy -- all you have to do is nod and smile and parrot back whatever the other person is saying.

The death of George Floyd got me dialed in back to politics full-time. I initially did not chime into the discussion, simply because I don’t see the point of yelling something everybody agreed across the board. I agreed that Floyd’s death is unwarranted, the involving police officers should be tried and punished suitably, the police force should reflect and reform and take actions to prevent similar situation from happening again to anybody.

I continued to keep silence as protests sparked across the US, Canada and Europe. People have the right to exercise their free speech, free thoughts and demand the government to improve and be better and fairer.

There are many other things that happened in the past 3-5 months, but I will direct your attention to what happened between Colin Kappernick and Drew Brees, and the conversation about the meaning of kneeling during the anthem.

I was not invested in NFL or NBA or MLB, and only mildly involve in NHL and NASCAR. However, there were many talks about potentially allow players to kneel. I really didn’t get what was the anger all about, but whatever you know.

Fast forward to August 1, 2020.

MLB and NBA orchestrated a kneeling event where almost all players were kneeling (except for cases I’ll mentioned later). NHL’s Matt Dumba knelt during the American anthem after a speech, following by a few others on August 3.

I’ve seen both sides of the aisles, and I’d like to explain from the silent side’s opinion.

This is not mean to be a comprehensive list of reasons why people don’t/won’t kneel. If you support kneeling you don’t have to agree to all of these points. You may have already ran into these talking points, or you may not. You’re free to criticize the people, however, I’ll ask that you acknowledge that these opinions exist.

Alright.

Let’s dissect this down.

▬▬▬

01 | WHY WON’T THEY KNEEL?

» An examination on why some people don’t kneel or won’t kneel as a form of protest «

I’ve seen this question raised a lot across my dash and saw people criticizes why players wouldn’t kneel and instead chose to stand without considering what could go on through the players’ minds.

There are a several plausible explanation for why a player/an organization chooses not to kneel. The top 3 that I most often heard (and also deduce from my personal experience) are: 1) business tactics, 2) religious reasons, 3) political reasons.

What do I mean by that?

1. From a Business Perspective: “Where The Money Goes, I Go.”

Let’s not forget one thing: sports are a business, just like Tesla, Red Bull, Hollywood, the music industry or your local small stores.

It is an exchange of values. The players are getting paid to play games, to win and the owner/the audience are paying for entertainment.

Following the riots, just like many businesses and brands, sport teams and leagues began putting out pro-BLM and anti-racism messages. However, many also took (extreme) steps to show how woke and supportive they are.

Which, brings us to this unique perspective of how mixing politics and businesses can be very counterproductive and even harmful. The year 2020 is the year Get Woke, Go Broke manifests into existence, and we can physically and statistically see it happening.

Let’s go with some recent biggest examples:

The recent lawsuits against Patreon for banning users for some particular ideologies, specifically against conservative or right-leaning creators (Owen Benjamin vs. Patreon lawsuits breakdown, Viva Frei).

Patreon lost the case and they will now be forced to arbirate 100+ claims and pay up to $10,000 per arbitration just from the lawsuits with Owen Benjamin alone. Other creators and supporters who were previously shut down are now filing lawsuits against Patreon. The impending arbitration money are going to crushed Patreon in the matter of times.

A&E’s story of dropped viewership and revenue after cancelling “Live PD” (A&E Sees Viewership Drop 49% After Canceling Live PD, Rosa Escandon).

Live PD is responsible for 85% of the traffic and revenue for A&E and is the most popular shows out of all series they’re running. The cancellation is not definite, but it is probable that once this blew over A&E will bring Live PD back.

Or, since we’re talking about sports, just hot off the press, August 3: NBA Ratings Crash: Why are NBA and MLB ratings at an all time low after ‘Black Lives Matter’ protests, Gautham Balaji. August 5: ESPN loses the biggest number of subscribers in 4 years.

Here are some numbers:

via Ethan Strauss’s Twitter, August 2, 2020

via Rich Greenfield’s Twitter, August 5, 2020

Civiqs’ Poll

Let’s put ourselves into these millionaires’ (expensive) shoes for a second.

We all know how basic business model works. In order for a business to succeed, you have to understand your audience, understand who you’re trying to impress. You want to maximize your target market.

For sports, you want people to buy tickets or to tune in on the broadcast, buy merchandises, etc. Therefore, your target market would mostly be those who have disposable incomes, a stable job, middle-class. Splitting it down even more, the older group would most likely don’t want to be political while the younger group would most likely to be political; while people with higher education are most likely to be political while lower education are less likely to be political.

Examine the Civiqs’ graph:

Prior to April 2018, the opposition against BLM is greater than supporting for BLM. Noted that by the time George Floyd’s story hits the news and the peaceful protests began, support for BLM surged and opposition dipped.

However, immediately when the riots started, shifts began: noted the huge plummet in “Neither support nor oppose” corresponding with the big swing for “Oppose” and the slight change in “Unsure”. These people who previously didn’t care or chose not to be active politically “flipped”.

If you (the player/the league) outright supported BLM, you know you’re potentially losing 36% of your audience with current situation. At its peak you can lose up to 42%.

To put into perspective: that’s over 1/3 of a league’s revenue evaporating into thin air. Big leagues, like NBA or MLB or NFL, or big teams with more money, may be able to hold on. Smaller leagues, like NHL, which had to battle it out in places for people to take hockey seriously and was already strapped, will be hurt a lot. Especially if you take into consideration lower fan attendance over the years and other factors.

That’s not the worst case scenario.

See the “neither support or oppose” and “unsure” category? Remember, if they’re in those categories it doesn’t mean they don’t have an opinion. They may not care about BLM’s agenda -- perhaps they view BLM as an organization that did some bad and some good, or perhaps because they are not political at all.

So let’s assume they are not political at all. Neutral. Most likely, these fans don’t want anything to do with politics. They just want to work, come home, have the TV on and fall asleep. They may be passionate fans, they may be not.

Noted that leading up to the riots, the amount of people deciding to be neutral stays relatively the same.

But, a few things happened: the riots and big corporations/celebrities coming out endorsing violence, MSM constantly promoting anti-racism and pro-BLM materials day in and day out.

People go online, BLM. People go shopping, BLM. People go across a street, BLM. The news, BLM. BLM, BLM, BLM everywhere!

They just want a break. They put the sport channels on, and oh hey! BLM again!

They are sick and tired of it.

I spoke about this all days every day, browsed news about these, debated all of this for fun, and even I got sick of it too at some point. I physically could feel myself driven insane just from the divisiveness and anger I’ve chosen to surrounded myself in. I could feel my perspective skewed and warped far from I actually believe -- being polarized.

Guess how are these average, non-political people going to react to politics being shoved down their throats everywhere? They just want the country to do well economically, have a stable job, unplug from their work. They don’t want to keep stressing out about politics and turmoil. They are done hearing/talking about it at work.

They’re just going to turn off the TV, go on YouTube/Netflix and stream some dumb things. Or they’re going to change the channels.

The numbers don’t lie.

If you combined the current numbers of “oppose”, “neither support or oppose” and “unsure”, you’re staring at 50% potential loss squarely in the face. If you’re going for the extreme numbers, at their respective peak, “oppose” had 42%, “neither support or oppose” had 26% and “unsure” had 3%, for a combined 71%.

70% of your audience is going to tune out or abandoned you.

But, let’s assume the best case scenario. The 50% that supports BLM will also stand by you for doing the “right” thing (quotation mark, because I’ll let history be the judge).

But what if the 50% that you thought are going to applaud and support you aren’t doing that. They are criticizing you for your message, your delivery, your efforts. They’re going to call you phony, cheap, sell-out. You’re only claiming to support it, you don’t really support it, do you?

Are they going to quit watching you, too? Maybe. Potentially.

What if some of those 50% are like me -- self-proclaimed pundits trying to take a breather and reflect? Nobody can be on a job 24/7, for 365 days.

You get what I’m going here?

Look hard at the numbers for the NBA and MLB’s debut versus golfing.

Noticed the ratio? At best, 1.7M vs. 5.8M viewership. 1:3 ratio. 30% remained.

It’s already happening.

Kneeling and declaring allegiance to BLM are already crippling the sports.

The players can do whatever they want. Kneel, don’t kneel, support BLM, don’t support BLM -- whatever.

But the league should not affiliate itself with a political movement that started under problematic platforms and now unraveled into full unhinge-mode. It is extremely dangerous when leagues like NFL, NBA, MBL and NHL started endorsing BLM -- and I am very specifically talking about supporting BLM here. By pledging to BLM (ie. painting BLM on the courts, having giant letters at your stadium), the league as a whole is making itself political and aligning itself with an ideology, which is Marxism (Karl Marx).

When a league aligns itself to a particular ideology like that, players that have different opinions will either bottled up their real thoughts or they will receive backlash and be cancelled if they dare go against the grains (even if they intent to be political or not)

NFL Takes Hardline Stance Against Christian Players Attending Church

Marcellus Wiley (NFL) on BLM

NBA's James Harden Slammed for Wearing Apparent Pro-Police Mask amid Fight Against Racial Injustice

NHL: Bruins Photoshop Boston Police Logo Off Charlie Coyle’s Shirt In IG Post After Globe Reporter Matt Porter Criticizes Tuukka Rask For Wearing BPD Hat During Interview

ESPN Host’s Poll Mocks NBA Player Who Didn’t Kneel For Suffering Season-Ending Injury

Aligning themselves with BLM will also make the leagues primed to further metaphorically “bend the knee” for the BLM mob and make players do what they want for that “united” facade they want.

The BLM mob are demanding everybody to kneel because that’s the only appropriate way to protest, and so one-by-one down they go.

You can argue “but it’s for justice!”, but you and I both know that’s not how it works. BLM reared its ugly head and then people flocked to appease it. Say anything else other than “I Support BLM” and they will loot your store, threaten to desert you. They scream and scream and scream in your face. The media amplified that voices. Big companies like WalMart, etc. -- people immediately dismissed it because “they have insurance”. How about the small businesses that had to board up their fronts and spraypainted “Minority-Owned Business” because they’re terrified the mob are going to bash their windows and steal?

The recent scandal with Red Bull is a smart move. I’m not (necessarily) gleeful that people are getting fired, but it is a strategic move because Red Bull recognizes the “Get Woke, Go Broke” reality. This segment started with examples of businesses got broke and got caught in their own hypocrisy, and now here we are.

The reasons why some businesses or players will not “bend the knee”, physically and/or metaphorically, is because:

They recognize the political undercurrent and they do not want to be involved in it;

They realize supporting BLM doesn’t mean supporting black lives on the street in meaningful ways;

Bend the knee to the mob once, you’re going to bend the knee to the mob again;

Losing a bigger chunk of fans for supporting BLM;

“Get Woke, Go Broke” trend;

Or, simply: they don’t agree with this particular form of protesting.

2. From a Religious Perspective: “I kneel before no man but God.”

I know players are from various religious backgrounds and beliefs.

I am not a religious person by any means. I respect people who worships gods and follows religions, whichever it is. As long as they do not physically harm others in the names of their religious belief, then I’m all good.

Worshiping a religion means people will also following (some) of its beliefs, and by respecting their beliefs I must also accept that people will choose and act according to their faith.

The two prime players who stood up for their belief are: Sam Coonrod (SF Giants, MLB, July 23, 2020) and Jonathan Isaac (Orlando Magic, NBA, July 31, 2020).

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Jonathan Isaac Explains Why He Stood During National Anthem

From my knowledge, most religions featured common values (ie. be kind, be respectful, be considerate of your words and actions, understand karma and consequences, etc.). However, since the two examples I provided featured Christians, I’ll talk about the Christian perspective from here. That being said, God doesn’t necessarily just talking about Jesus Christ but could also be referring to Allah or other god-like figure they worship.

The following articles gave some good insights on how different Christians feel about this: 1) Kneeling for the Anthem: a Catholic Reflection on Protest, 2) The Power and the Threat of Kneeling, 3) Christian players frustrated by criticism for anthem protest.

I’ve had also chances to talk to some of the local Christians, gotten an array of answers.

Some Christians said they are willing to take a knee in the name of racial justice. Some Christians disagree with the method of protesting but don’t agree with stifling somebody trying to express their voice.

Some Christians refused to take a knee. Why?

They do not think any man is worthy of bowing down for, except for God

They do not believe BLM advocates for the values they follow or what God wants. Examples:

BLM is anti-Christ/anti-religion -- burnt down numerous churches, defaced and burnt the Virgin Mary, decapitated Jesus Christ, sexual harassment and physical assault to a priest in CHAZ;

BLM seeking to destroy nuclear family and permanent removal of father-figure in children’s life -- yes, this is stated on their official website;

BLM is pro-abortion -- Planned Parenthood has entered many discussion. The thing is: Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood is founded specifically to decimate minorities. Their message has been flipped due to the new “wokeness” (ie. going from “we will restrict your community from growth by killing off your babies” to “we will help elevate your voice by killing off your babies”).

BLM is Marxist -- one of the main idea in Marxism is the absolute removal of religion, and this is often interpreted as all religions. However, the attack on Christianity and Christians are the clearest example of this, at least in the US/Canada

Some articles on why Christians do not believe or support BLM: 1) Some Evangelicals Struggle With Black Lives Matter Movement, 2) The Stated Goals of Black Lives Matter Are Anti-Christian. This last one is very interesting because it breaks down similarities in Christianity and the method of protesting some BLM protesters choose, The Faith Of The Black Lives Matter Movement

As fellow non-religious folk, you and I may not have been able to comprehend why they are taking their relationship with God very seriously, or how much they use the Bible to guide them in life.

I’ve heard many others dismissing and even laughing at people because they’re religious, or criticizing people because they need an outdated book to help to through life. Both Sam Coonrod and Jonathan Isaac were slammed when they cited their faith as one of their main reasons for not kneeling.

If Christians chose not to protest against racial injustice by kneeling, and instead raising a fist, or standing and praying to God to purge racism out of human’s DNA -- why is it a problem?

All Christians that I have spoken to believe there are racial injustice and want to do their best to eradicate it and help those who are suffering. They want no harm and want the world to be a better place.

If we can accept that people can think differently, can act differently, can speak differently, why are we not accepting that people can protest or raise awareness differently?

Unless, it’s not about kneeling or raising awareness or protesting at all.

It’s about satisfying your own needs to feel vindicated, to know your favourite players are doing things you want them to do and are feeling the same way about things just like you.

3. From a Personal Perspective

Traditionally, and universally-accepted: kneeling can be in awe, in fear, in humiliation or in respect.

To me, personally, kneeling to someone/something is often being linked to “being terrified”/”being humiliated” rather than “being respectful”.

As someone who is small-frame, I don’t like kneeling. One knee or two knee bent, didn’t matter. Psychologically speaking, and, physically speaking, you’re making yourself smaller, lower to the ground and easier to hurt. You’re in a vulnerable position.

Kneeling reminds me too much of grovelling, powerless.

Obviously, this is my opinion and I don’t know if anybody else or any players who didn’t kneel share the same opinion. But. I don’t think kneeling is an empowering move.

You have to stand up for what you believe in even if it’s unpopular. Not: you have to bend your knee for what you believe in.

Standing had always been associating with rising, moving upward, becoming bigger and more powerful.

Some reasons people will cite for kneeling including: condemning police brutality, honouring the lives lost under police brutality, honouring black lives. Which are great causes. I still very, very much believe if you’re going to protest, stand up tall and firm. (Especially, since, you know, Floyd dies with a knee on his neck. Kneeling in remembrance of him is kinda funny ironic.)

So, an interesting case study: Recently, Matt Dumba (Minnesota Wild, NHL, August 3, 2020) made a speech and knelt. However, he only knelt for the American anthem but stood for the Canadian anthem.

I’m not ragging on Dumba. Kudos to him for speaking out.

He later said he’d have kneel for Canada anthem as well. I understand. There are pressures on him, and I think when hearing your nation’s anthem you’ll usually automatically stand up.

That being said, there are rightful, warranted probing questions. It raised doubts to the legitimacy of kneeling.

Kneeling for the US anthem but then standing for Canada anthem is a strange decision because it is implying that there are problems in the US, not in the Canada. Prior to George Floyd’s death as well as around the times when protests/riots broke out, a few Indigenious Canadians died during a wellness check (Recent deaths prompt questions about police wellness checks) and arguably perhaps police brutality.

Here in Canada, we’re told we’re equally racist, but the mentality Canadians have is that we’re better than the US.

Therefore, I’d say it is rightful that a lot of people interpreted Dumba’s action as hating on the US and/or not actually raising awareness about racism or police brutality.

This brings us to the biggest reason a lot of people cite for being against kneeling: kneeling on the flag is disrespecting the country.

I’ve looked into the military history of kneeling on the flag/during the anthem. I’ve to wade through pages of different vets rationalizing their opinions and asked some of the vets/active-duty that I knew of, and here are my findings:

Some views it as disrespect because it shows cowardice

“I didn’t serve so you can kneel.”

Some doesn’t like it but doesn’t mind it because you’re excising your freedom of speech and thoughts.

Most people I knew of, and myself, fell into this camp

Some thinks it could mean respect and should even be a mandate form of greeting the flags.

I thought this was a good point and should be something we can consider

However, it’s worth pointing out there are also vets that supports kneeling specifically because they hate America or the government, either because the system chewed them up and spat them back out. There are also people that supported spitting and/or burning the flags for all the history it carries

I don’t agree with spitting and/or burning the flags. I think it implies symbolically you’re wishing your country to go down in flames (the fact that half of America has been literally burning down for over 2 months, and many rioters/BLM supporters talking about literally burning things down make me more alarmed and disgusted)

But. It’s freedom of speech and freedom of expressions. So.

Drew Brees’ speech is a very good way to sum it up how most average people feel about this: I would stand on the anthem, but you’re free to kneel even if I disapprove of the particular method of kneeling.

The take-away here is that the same action can mean differently to different people.

Some will not kneel or disapprove of kneeling because of the symbolic weight.

So, I’ll reiterate the biggest point: There’s no “correct” way of protesting.

Someone does not have to kneel in order to express that they are against racism.

We can achieve the same goal by different means.

You and I are okay with people kneeling don’t mean others have to agree with us. We should not be pressuring others to kneel and think and process and expression opinions the same way we do. It is impossible, and it is a dangerous mentality.

We are not a monolith.

4. From a Political Perspective: “BLM is doing more harm than good.”

4.1. Wrong messenger/mixed messages

Look.

People are free to kneel, but I do believe there is a right time, place for it, and the right people for it.

The NBA kneeling for racial justice and equality for all and police brutality yet the whole organization is built off the back of child labour and sweatshop in China and the CCP’s inhumane treatment to the Chinese, as well as actively stifling Hong Kong’s freedom.

Some dramatic irony there.

They have pulled down the option to put in anything for the player’s name, but history got it down: 1) NBA store says 'Free Hong Kong' was 'inadvertently prohibited' from jerseys, 2) Police fire water cannon, tear gas at Hong Kong protesters, 3) China’s Global Threat to Human Rights.

It really does undermined your message, NBA! Make the “kneeling for justice” idea got completely thrown out of the window! Try better next time!

We can also go over Disney or Colin Kappernick (lmao that July 4th tweet, Colin. Really bad move!), the awfully cringy “I Take Responsibility” video but you understand the point.

BLM is this exclusive “branding” that businesses and sport leagues slap onto their forehead so they won’t be branded racist while not doing anything for the minorities. BLM is a hoax, a front for privilege people to pat themselves on the back for “acknowledging” their privileges and their power.

You can think this is an excuse for me to rag on these idiotic big companies or individuals (and, you’re right), but it also leads me to this early conclusion that BLM is a scam.

However, with recent events and evidences I’ve been digging up, it’s increasingly difficult to say BLM as simply “a scam”.

4.2. BLM: the sinister Marxist agenda and the crazy utopia

Kneeling to protest against anti-racism, by now, is synonymous with supporting BLM.

I’m willing to bet if you’re pushing for everybody to subscribe to the “KNEELING! TO! PROTEST! AND! SHOW! SOLIDARITY!” deal, you’re also a BLM supporter.

You can support BLM. That’s fine.

I’ll tell you upfront that I don’t support BLM.

You are going to click away, or maybe already angrily typing something up to build your case against me.

Wait until the end.

All I ask is that you try to see what I and many others find repulsive and alarming about BLM.

Alright? Alright.

I will not go into excessive details on BLM, because I’ll dedicate another post at some point to BLM. That post will probably be up at somewhere some point early/mid-2024. It will definitely be on time with the BLM’s peak activity, during another waves of riots.

Anyhow.

So why won’t I kneel for BLM? Why won’t I do this for BLM cause?

Because I don’t believe black people should have more rights? Because I don’t sympathize with the black community? Because I’m a racist?

Listen.

I support black lives. I know the system is rigged, I know there needs to be improvement -- nothing will ever be perfect, and improvements are always needed.

I don’t support Black Lives Matter (BLM) because Black Lives Matter (BLM) the organization and the movement had already derailed too far too fast.

Zuby summarizes a lot of my points, so if you like listening/visual more than reading, feel free to listen to his rationale before continuing.

youtube

Zuby - The Problem with Black Lives Matter

I cannot get on board with their actions or their ideologies, nor can I see they’re making an impact on black community they’re claiming they’re representing. I spoke to people, I shifted back and forth and remained neutral for a while before throwing in my towel and quit it. There were murder of kids in NYC and there are zero, ZERO anger. No riots, no protests. Nothing! Zit! Nada!

Yet they’re willing to come out and break windows for a criminal. Both Michael Brown and George Floyd were criminals. Isn’t it strange? The biggest riots/protests spearheaded by BLM are for criminals? Michael Brown’s case was a justified shooting. And although George Floyd’s death is unnecessary recent leaked footage had provided ample of context. Both autopsies also came back showing that he was high on meth and fentanyl.

BLM have a particular political vision Marxism (1) BLM co-founder describes herself as ‘trained Marxist’, 2) Is Black Lives Matter Marxist? No and Yes), and please, excuse me for saying this is alarming because they’re clearly demonstrating and glorifying communist ideas and practices. I’ve been through the grinder, I can recognize the signs.

It is very clearly not the Sweden-socialist model they are going for (which is a myth, btw, because Sweden is pro-capitalist). It is very clear they are angling for Marx-Leninism.

People will be screaming “all revolutionaries are led by Marxist ideas”, ignoring the fact that those revolutions, if succeed, often crashed and burnt and led to weak economy and terrible nations.

But, but. You know what? Fine. I’ll refrain from screaming Communism Doesn’t Work!!!

We will give BLM the absolute benefits of the doubts: that BLM do everything in line with MLK’s vision or the BPP’s vision.

We will not rip BLM base on its ideologies anymore and will examine its actions.

Alright. So how had they been beneficial to the community they claim to serve, so far in 2020?

More black people are dead during this fight for justice for black. More black people lives are ruined during this fight for justice for black. There are thousands of businesses in ruined -- black businesses in ruined, black people working hard, busting their ass gathering money and finally got their came true only to have it burnt down by their own people and destroyed in one night.

Does the Black community want to abolish the police?

Inside the Portland riots - this is what the media calls peaceful?

3 stories of black-owned businesses damaged in the riots

Black-Owned Businesses That Were Damaged and Looted

Affordable apartment project destroyed during night of protests

The 17 people who have died in the protests and riots so far

Chicago children killed by gun violence

In Wake Of Continued Gun Violence, Prominent Members Of Black Community Call On NYPD To Bring Back Anti-Crime Unit. Small crimes went down, but murders and shooting went up by 200%.

To rub the salt onto the wound, Mayor de Blasio deployed 27 polices guarding the BLM mural on the street (which is bigger than any of NYPD unit) instead of protecting the citizens.

To pour bleach all over the wound, these BLM activists and AOC insisted, that No! Defund more police! and making excuses for these murderers

Black Americans Want Police to Retain Local Presence, Gallup Poll, August 5, 2020

Say what? Americans (especially minorities) want more cops in their area? Yes. Check out Chicago’s latest news: Chicago Police: Violence drops after 2 new units rolled out. Having police presence, improving police training and bringing police and community closer, would deterred crimes and protected the minorities and those who are vulnerable, who knows!

I will now direct your attention to the Love Fest that is CHAZ (est. June 2020, rip. July 2020). Where if your stuff got stolen it’s an “unintentional donations”.

Born and raised, and buried, with all BLM’s Marxist loving ideas, safe and inclusive and funsies:

CHAZUpdates, Twitter

Welcome to Chaz!

The Economics of CHAZ / CHOP: Anarchy at its Finest

Video shows black-only segregated areas within CHAZ

Inside CHAZ (the Capital Hill Autonomous Zone)

CHAZ: where protesters/rioters actively practicing racism while preaching against racism, practicing police brutality while preaching against police brutality, leeching off America’s resources while wanting to burn the country to the ground.

CHAZ is the epitome of what BLM is advocating for.

BLM wants segregation -- again, it is literally spelled out on their website. “boycott white businesses” and basically implying black goes to black businesses only. Recent stories of BLM activists “demanding” stores or else meet with force: 'We're not an enemy of the Black community' and Cuban community plans rally at NuLu restaurant in response to Black Lives Matter demands, and opinion analysis breakdown

BLM promotes violence as the automatic first response -- look. stop telling people to fight police

The 'Black Lives Matter Foundation' isn't the real BLM, explaining differences between the two organizations’ approach -- which, very nicely, also points out the problem with BLM. They’re not seeking for healing or cooperation, they’re all about breaking and burning stuffs down.

Robert Ray Barnes explains why he chooses the name “Black Lives Matter Foundation”

BLM creates more racial tension and encourages people to fake police-brutality/racism -- The biggest, most-hated face in BLM, Shaun King, is actively tearing up people’s lives. He accused many officers to be rapists, murderers, dramatizing claims, etc. He makes money off of getting people riled up. You can hate him, but if you’re telling me he doesn’t have any influence you’re very mistaken. His followers had sent death threats, showed up at people’s houses, doxxing people’s identity. People had been pushed to suicide, money loss, reputation ruined.

Liar Liar Pants On Fire Series breaks down all the viral videos claiming police brutality, and you will see that videos featuring a black person is more likely to be shared and be viral without waiting for the context

I’ll put forth the Jussie Smollett hoax, which, congrats Jussie! You just now make people waving away the attacks that actually happened due to racism! You’re so lacking in “being oppressed and being discriminated” in America, you’ve to import some from Nigeria!

I’ll also put forth the recent Bubba Wallace hoax. It is not a noose, Bubba Watson oops I mean Bubba Wallace (copyright belongs to Don Lemon). 15 FBI agents confirmed it. You can see it through video footages. Don’t be a drama queen, Bubba. (btw, i don’t know why BLM aren’t celebrating this? i mean, 15 FBI agents are immediately dispatched to deal with the claims. that’s how important this is. the feds will not hesitate to deal with discrimination)

Affiliated Organizations and BLM itself are cult-like, putting criminals on a pedestal, endorsing the party that is harmful to the black community

Assata’s Daughters, Breakdown on Assata Shakur and insights about the organization

BLM endorsed DNC and Joe Biden, gave money for the same party that created the KKK and ran on a platform of unity but are made up of elitists

99.64% BLM’s Defund The Police Donations Go To Joe Biden Campaign Via ActBlue

They are donating to DNC instead of pouring funds into black community at the times of crisises

Do Black Lives Matter Donations REALLY Go to Black Lives?

Based from America’s Top 20 Cities for Crime, and What Party Runs Them (spoiler alert, 18/20 are ran by Democrats), if you cross check it with the black population in each city, you will find that a lot of these cities have majority of black population and that Democrats had been in office for decades. If they’re helping the black community, they’re taking an awful long time.

BLM encourages a culture of blaming and perpetuating that black people are powerless, becoming a husk for over white supremacist and sexist.

the familiar “blaming it on the white men” game is played for practically every new political movement right now, and the “us minorities and ‘non-racist’ whites up against those straight rich white men’” and the concept of “white privilege” and being recycled over and over to make minorities feel more powerless

“White privilege” isn’t the biggest barrier, because if it is, please explain to me why and how did Madam C. J. Walker became the first black female millionaire in the early 1900s? Before Civil Rights Movement?

(White) people “check their privilege” and feel good about themselves for being “aware” of their privilege and therefore protect the minorities’ fragility. You’re admitting that just by being white you have more power than other race? That sounds very, very racist.

You have white people in protests actively suppressing other minorities’ voices, because apparently due to “white privilege” whites feel like they’re the only voice that would be valid

youtube

What it's like to be a Black officer policing Portland protests | Raw Interview (you can view the notable quotes here: Black Portland cop slams White BLM protesters using 'same tactics that were used against my people')

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'The most horrific displays of hate I've ever seen' | Portland police describe protests | full video (you can view notable quotes here: Portland police describe front lines of protests) // Analysis Breakdown

You’ve white people writing guides on how minorities should behave to get rid of the “whiteness” in them -- I cannot even find words for this. Notice how all these “whiteness” qualities are what holds a functioning society together? Hello, Asia existed long before European came along. The Indigenious people existed long before European came long. The assumption that other cultures/countries couldn’t have function without the European coming over and spreading their “whiteness” is extremely offensive. The fact that there are actual people out there who will follow this racist guide is crazy to me.

Whitesplaining white privilege

Poster defining “Whiteness” put forth by the National Museum of African American History & Culture. The poster had since been removed.

Robin DiAngelo, makes her fortune off of flexing her internal racism: The Dehumanizing Condescension of White Fragility

So please tell me: is BLM the organization and the movement really support black lives or are they acting out? They care so much for black lives they are going to kill their own people to express their discontent for the system they are stuck under?

But, “Oh, it’s the rioters! Peaceful protesters do no such thing!”

Yeah, and you know which banner are those rioters are rioting under? BLM. And BLM is doing nothing to stop this. Some protesters tried to stop, but the official BLM pages? Nope. Crickets. They want this. Black neighbourhood burning to ash will make black people’s spirit will be worn down and black will be suck into this cesspool of blaming others -- again and again and again.

Yes, Portland is still rioting (Day 71, as of this writing). They had started moving into residential neighbourhoods, vandalizing and terrorizing the streets and are attempting to kill people

Portland mayor condemns rioters for 'attempting to commit murder'

You can view livestreams from protests/riots across the US at WOKE.NET. Noted the differences between the peaceful protesters (morning till midnight) and the rioters (midnight till morning).

Andy Ngo covered Antifa/BLM riots

Thomas Sowell, an amazing American thinker that no one seems to talk about, writes the book Dismantling America (2010), and in it he predicts the downfall of America. And beat-by-beat, oh my god, 2020 is when we see all of his predictions come true in the BLM’s playbook and tactics.

youtube

Thomas Sowell -- Dismantling America

BLM is a terrible, terrible organization -- and at this point, a terrible movement. I encourage you to also look into BLM’s history as well as what BLM is actually accomplishing and doing. They may be doing some goods, but I am seeing them killing black people, not elevating them to higher heights.

I’ll wrap this up quickly:

Not everybody out there support BLM;

Not everybody out there that doesn’t support BLM is a racist;

Not everybody out there that doesn’t support BLM doesn’t care about black lives;

Not everybody out there that support BLM also support the agenda they are pursuing;

Not everybody out there support BLM knows what are they supporting;

Not everybody out there support BLM really support black lives.

Some people are there genuinely because there is a problem, I’m not denying that. But you have to understand BLM isn’t what you believe it is. Take one very hard look at the movement you’re indirectly supporting. You’re under the BLM banner, but how much of it are you actually supporting? Are you just supporting because if you don’t support “Black Lives Matter” you don’t support black lives?

Alright. So why would I refuse to kneel because I don’t support BLM? How does that tie together?

As I stated in the beginning: kneeling on the anthem specifically to protest anti-racism and police brutality started with Colin Kappernick and the BLM movement. It is now associated with BLM. Just like the raised fist.

People like me who are opposing BLM views it as giving in, especially when we see things like this this all over the country -- people literally getting down on their knees in the middle of the streets for strangers, saying sorry for whatever the hell the mob demands because otherwise they will be call a racist, a bigot, or being beaten to death.

When I see not many people find this disturbing disturbed me. Some even gleefully says “Yes, that’s should be the future”.

Look: BLM cancels each own people for not falling in line. BLM local leaders had to stepped down because he feels like BLM isn’t a safe platform for him to fight for fair education for black children.

Blacks that spoken out against BLM, or black conservatives, are branded “coon”, Uncle Tom, such as the case of Terry Crew, Candance Owens, Brandon Tatum, Anthony Brian Logan, Candance Owens, etc. (If you’re interested, Uncle Tom is a great documentary that documents the journey and hardships black conservatives experience)

Look around you.

People are bashing others, cancelling others, for not supporting BLM, for not kneeling, for not following the trends. In sports, players that chose not to kneel is called “not doing enough”, “racist”, hoax, etc.

Do you see how this is problematic? Why do they have to kneel, specifically? You can show solidarity in many ways. Why do they have to kneel?

You’re free to support whatever you want, but don’t force other to follow the same thing.

BLM is a mob of mindless social justice warriors shoehorning a free society into their warped utopia where everybody speaks the same “right” thing and acts the same “right” way.

In 2020, it started out as “police brutality” and “George Floyd” but it is no longer that. I will not bend the knee for an organization that deploys unjust, racist approach while hiding behind a banner of “justice”. Antifa rioters are using BLM as a husk, and BLM encourages it, wanting it.

I will not kneel for an organization that is built on lies. I will not kneel for a hypocritical movement that has been murdering its own people, demanding outrageous deals and abolishing the system through force and violence.

Kneeling is pledging your support for BLM. And I cannot and will not support BLM the organization or the movement, especially when it’s becoming increasingly toxic and deranged.

I will die on my feet rather than live on my knees.

This doesn’t mean I’m not supporting the black community. But I will choose an alternative way to express my thoughts and sympathy -- because I’ll die sooner than following the way the mob and the terrible organization that is BLM dictates.

Kneeling is not the only way to express my opinion.

I know I’m not the only ones who see through this. For many people, athletes included, BLM is the reason why they are reluctant to kneel.

▬▬▬

02 | A (QUICK) ANALYSIS

» A look on the fans’ reaction «

From @mitchmarner, August 2, 2020

This message overall is a good representation of the situation and how people reacted to this. The criticism is respectful and on-point. The post contains both good messages that I agree with, and some subtle toxic undertone that I find problematic.

For context, this post is regarding NHL.

All the unhighlighted words are what I agreed with. Highlighted words are what I have some opinions on.

Let’s go through this.

1. “White players should be kneeling”

first of all, just a small thing, but I’m curious as to why only the “white” players are under pressure here. I find it’s strange that the post has to specified the race and what they should do. Hockey players are mostly white -- okay, sure. But I don’t get the emphasis on skin colour? I’m still puzzled why would you put pressure on white people. Because you’re white, you must do as we said and support us no matter what. In the hockey world, it’s easier to say whites have more power. But what about in the NBA, a black-dominated field? Jonathan Isaac, a black guy, refused to kneel and got grilled for it. Instead of specifying race, why not just use “players”? Anybody is welcomed to join in the movement.

You may think I’m being nitpicking over some words, but this is how media uses it to rile people. By putting races in it, they take out the actual humanity, making everything about racial identity and race politics. Ie. which headlines would make you be more angry? “Girl accuses classmates of cutting off her dreadlocks” or “Black girl accuses white classmates of cutting off her dreadlocks” (headline from CBS News, which had changed after the story came out as false).

A recent letter of a journalist from MSNBC reveals how cancerous are the current world is going, and how the media is exploiting it -- racial tension is just one of the facet they can exploit.

I also find the usage of “should” somewhat demanding, indicated obligation and duty. Again, people can say this kneeling is for human rights -- but as I pointed out in both part 1 and part 2, with the modern cancel culture and the herd thinking and BLM’s violence, there will be interpretation of kneeling as in bending the knee to BLM or the angry mob. Why not say “could”? Because, yes, there could be more players out there supporting this cause. They choose not to, and they should be able to choose. This is a free country. They do not have to support something if they don’t agree with it, and they also do not have to support it in a particular way if they agree with it.

2. Unhighlighted, but similar thing: “If you, like me, are white, we should focus on Ryan and [his] bravery”

Again, why are only white people being pressured into doing the right thing? I’m Asian, not white. So I don’t have to applaud Ryan Reaves’s bravery for standing up (or kneeling down) to his belief, right? We, as a community or fans, should all applaud when people choose to stand up for their belief.

You’ll also spy this subtle “white privilege” thinking hiding in this sentence -- “because we’re white, our voice is more valid and therefore we are the only people others will listen to”

3. “Many of his teammates [refused] to kneel with him”

I agree you can criticize their lack of support, but demanding people to kneel to show support, without considering why they refused to kneel is ignoring the diversity in thinking or someone’s personal rationale.

Other players could absolutely have supported Ryan, but they do not “have to kneel” to show it explicitly -- the same way family members don’t have to shower each other with grand gestures in public.

4. “Make it about white players who should’ve done this bare minimum action from the start comes off weird”

So. Guilt-trip them into submission? If every white player kneel from hereon, racism will definitely be solved in the league.

You know, this reminds me of the now infamous #BlackoutTuesday. Everybody races to post a black square to prove they are not racist (“bare minimum action”, right?), and then that ended up backfiring to the cause. This time, everybody kneel to prove they are not racist (again, “bare minimum action”). Perhaps those that are yelling at all athletes to kneel wouldn’t see this right away, but very soon at some point when (not if) kneeling will be the norm, everybody completes this “bare minimum action” that actually doesn’t solve anything or potentially backfires hard, racism still remains. The platform that provides these athletes power and spotlights may be shrinking, and sports become another divisive tool instead of bringing people together.

This is a very cult-like thinking to demand everybody to behave and act the same way you want/expect them to act. Yes, we should all take parts in minimizing racism. But, no, we do not have to kneel to solve racism -- especially if we can see that the action doesn’t necessarily solve racism, only a gesture; especially if we don’t agree with the gesture.

I’ll go out on a limb and predict that in 2024, there will be another wave of riots, another wave of “enough is enough” and a new trend to commemorate death due to police brutality -- instead of kneeling, everybody is now bowing down with their face to the ground.

Again, I agree with most of the message. However, I think it’s important to see how some other people are interpreting the same messages and pick apart the problems that is implied within the thinking.

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03 | SOME PREDICTIONS

This is a fun section where I’ll try to read where the situation with the “kneeling” is going to go. Feel free to skip to the end, but if you enjoy musing about the future then stay with me.

Kneeling has very high probability of becoming a tradition. The rating will continue to go down the tubes for the wokest leagues (at least from a current stand point). I don’t know if it will continue to stay low in the future.

Leagues that orchestrated mass-kneeling are probably banking on the fans deserting them will come back eventually (probably around 2021 or 2022) and ignore the kneeling, once the creeping normality settles in. Which, pretty much kind of defeat the purpose of kneeling and raising awareness, in my opinion. But, it’s not like kneeling is effective now so whatever, I guess.

Since NFL, NBA and MBL have way bigger budget and audience than NHL, those big leagues/teams could probably afford losing money for 1-2 years. Although if the owner deemed it’s killing the business they will quickly say Shove it.

I think NHL’s strapped budget is the one of the main reason why they are the only “opinion-open” league, ie. don’t force mass-kneeling but agree to facilitate and protect players that choose to kneel. If they had a bigger budget, things might have look different.

There is a very high probability that all leagues will adopt NFL’s way, “Stand for the anthem or Stay in the Locker Room”. This way, those that supports kneeling will be okay because the players are still technically still protesting/kneeling, and those that opposes kneeling or don’t want to be preached politics while they are looking for entertainment will not be ticked off.

A possibility that I think may be possible, albeit I don’t know if it will happen: all leagues stopped kneeling once this wave of wokeness swept over. There will be instances of players kneeling, but there won’t be mass-kneeling like what MBL and NBA are doing.

There is also a tiny chance that leagues/players will continue to orchestrated mass-kneeling and died with their ideologies rather than backtrack and change.

Prime example: LeBron James. LeBron James and his ego don’t take bruising well.

Colin Kappernick made more money being an activist than being a quarterback -- he was a terrible quarterback if you look at his number (How Good Was Colin Kaepernick When He Left the NFL in 2017?). But, that aside. Kappernick got offered some million dollar documentary and book deals (from Disney) for his spoiled “struggle” and “hardship”. From a legal and financial and medical viewpoint, I doubt Kappernick is going to go back into NFL and will wring this BLM activist thing for all that its worth. NFL careers are often short, while being an activist allows Kappernick to preach to the mass while monetizing his self-made misery.

Anyhow: cancel culture is very vicious, and the media amplified the most extreme voices. The kneeling culture will drag itself to the graves, believe me.

Ryan Reaves won’t get in trouble with his kneeling (from the business and the legal side. I don’t know about his knee). Full disclosure that I’m not well-versed with all the business and money and contract and only mildly familiar with US law. I applaud Ryan for kneeling down for a cause he believes and took risks with his knee (I’d assume he consulted his doctor first, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt). But, I don’t think Ryan financially risked anything.

According to CapFriendly, VGK just signed Reaves to a contract 2-year extention in June 18, 2020. This shows that they are interested in keeping him around.

Logically speaking, Ryan is a great player and contributes greatly to VGK organization. Benching/trading him is suicidal, especially while VGK has consistently been a strong team since its infancy in 2017 and Ryan seems to be a part of the cornerstone. Ryan will probably stay with VGK until 2022 when his contract ends.

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04 | CLOSING WORDS

Am I implying that you can’t criticize athletes? No.

Am I defending these athletes? Not necessarily.

These athletes can absolutely do more than just posting pictures on IG and spewing some cookie cutter words, they can absolutely be more supportive of their friends. They can do more. They deserve to be criticize for not doing more.

However, I do not agree with this “you have to kneel” pressure. This is a free country, where you have the freedom of speech, freedom of thoughts, freedom of religious. We have the freedom to criticize people, but they also have the freedom to not listen to it.

Unlike the government where there is a duty to her citizens to consider her citizens’ wishes, these athletes are strangers and owe no obligations. It is true that sports had always have political aspects to it, but that there are some people that definitely would like to remain apolitical during their career. Michael Jordan remains apolitical until his retirement. Or James Harden, who was described as not involving in politics whatsoever and got dragged through the mud for accidentally wearing a Blue Lives Matter mask while his colleagues and NBA condone BLM.

Some athletes view “being a player” or a star comes with the burden of constantly being on your job 24/7. Stats do show that people are now more scared to disclose their political thoughts, and the further left one’s views, the more one believes they’re protected.

For someone who is political, kneeling started as a political statement, a symbol of cowardice, and it remained as one, especially considering how many people are tripping over their feet to kneel to sooth the mob. For someone who isn’t political, kneeling may be contradicting to their personal beliefs.

I’ve been stewing on this particular issue for some times, and the kneeling don’t make headlines as much anymore, but I figured this should be addressed regardless. I am concerned about the rise of cancel culture, the radical conformism, and the intolerable thinking rampaging in the US and Canada. Forcing people to kneel to just a late symptoms of what potentially can be the future if this cult-like behaviour is not call out or stop.

You may or may not agree with all the points, and that is OK. Again, this is not a whole list that details all the thoughts out there. This is based on a lot from myself, what I observed, what I scoped out from news. The athletes may have other reasons I haven’t covered. That being said, my point still stand: they have a reason for not kneeling.

Please realize that there are more than one way to view things, especially in a climate where everybody is forced to be political. The most important takeaway here are:

1) kneeling is not the only way to raise awareness;

2) people do not have to kneel to show that they support black lives.

#i promised i'm not gonna be political on tumblr but oops #blm #we got to talk about it #let's get into this #talk to the other side #nfl #nhl #nba #mbl #black lies matter #kneeling #us #us politics #canada #hockey #basketball #football #american football #baseball

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unefemmeviolette · 5 years ago

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REFLECTION HOUR [updated]

This is a continuation of last night’s reflection hour. I’m expanding the exercise further.

From Last Night:

I don’t have a good track record when it comes to relationships. Every experience when it comes to men that I have been involved with romantically or sexually has resulted in a sad, unfulfilling note. This is more of an exercise to look at my past, dissect each one and see the pattern and overlaps.

2010 - S - Bandmate, make me anxious, too infatuated to function, two weeks, rebound, first kiss. Talked shit about me post break-up. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? He was tall. I thought he was cute. He was goofy and silly, and played drums with such passion. He was nerdy. I liked that he wasn’t afraid to be silly. What I dislike about him? Wishy washy. Called me a prude for refusing to sleep with him two weeks into our pseudorelationship (I was a virgin). Talked shit about me for the longest time. He has no sense of accountability. Unreliable friend and ghosted K. Manipulative. Has a fetish for short, Latinx girls. What did I learn? That I needed to be able to comfortable with a potential partner. Anyone who makes me react with shyness, apprehension and self-doubt is not illicitting the good parts of me. If I can’t be comfortable in the present of a significant, then what is the point of a relationship? For me, I need to be comfortable being vulnerable because only through that will I experience true intimacy. I also learned that I can’t be with someone who lacks integrity and is two-faced. I cannot stand people who can’t stick to their guns and stand up for what’s right. They get bulldozed by what people think of them and conform to what’s considered acceptable behavior. I despise people like that. They are complacent and have no backbone. I also learn from this experience that I had a lot to learn and experience from life at point in time. I was sheltered and I needed to put myself out there to figure out the things I liked and disliked. It pushed me to explore different perspectives instead of just clinging to one ideology without testing it.

2011 - B - Friend of a friend, three weeks, break up, got back together for a weekend, tried to have sex, ghosted me and then broke up with me. turned out to be a creep. ended up trying to get with me as i started to date k. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? He was responsible. Hardworking. What I dislike about him? Total fucking creep. Was rude to my uncle. Expect me to pay him in other methods for favors he did for me. He obsessed over some girl while dating me. Broke up with me on the phone. He’s a total weirdo and I totally forget I dated him sometimes. What did I learn? You should never beg a partner to be with them. Especially if they discarded you after two weeks of dating. Don’t use sex as a means to keep someone close. Some people can take it and leave you. Also, this taught me how to spot a creep a mile a way and recognize when someone is putting up a facade. I’m more cautious now and when I sense something is “off” with someone, I trust my instinct.

2011-2018- K - Dated for almost a year. Got into many fights because of his ex that he was still into. Recovering addict. Relapse. Broke up with me for a year. Hooked up randomly one night. Stopped seeing each other after Christmas. Got back together right after things ended with A. Dated for another 2 years. Fought all the time. Unfulfilling. Broke up with him when I moved and started to build confidence in myself. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? I loved how outspoken he was. He was such a great conversationalist. It was amazing to talk to someone on a deeper level that wasn’t about just music or hardwood floors (that’s a jab at B). In our relationship, I learned to communicate. He also helped me develop my own brand of humor. He was so unfiltered and could make me laugh. I also knew he had a loving heart deep down. I also loved how strong he was in times of adversity and he was resilient. He lit my cigarettes without me asking and opening my drinks for me when I wasn’t looking. He is also deeply principled. A good person. Why didn’t it work? I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t over S. In some twisted way, for as long as I was with K, S was a subconscious thought.... Also the relationship felt like an obstacle. Nothing felt easy for us. He didn’t take me out on dates. Never planned them. Things got repetitive. It didn’t feel romantic. His ideas of romance aren’t compatible with mine. I couldn’t introduce him to my family. We fought so much. He rushed me. Never wanted to hang out with my friends. All he did on his free time was play video games and smoke 3 blunts in the shed with his friends. I didn’t want to continue living that life. Lastly, we didn’t have good sex. Something was always missing. What did I learn? Communicating your innermost desires is important in a relationship. I also learned that I can’t be with someone who is complacent and does the same thing over and over again. I learned that I had untapped potential and opportunities ahead of me. I learned that fighting with someone about the same thing over and over is pure madness. I learned how to have my own brand of humor. I learned that I want be with a partner who has a great relationship with my family. Family is really important to me and I know that it doesn’t reflect anything on the person, but his family relationship is so important. I also learned not to force feelings that aren’t there anymore. I learned to walk away from a dead end. I also learned how to be more assertive with my feelings. I learned what its like to be comfortable with someone and to be 100% yourself with them and they with you. I learned that you shouldn’t get back together with an ex for fear of being alone.

2013 -A - Dated for a brief time. He was very love-avoidant. Did not communicate. Always made me feel uncomfortable and anxious. Never made plans. Cheated on me. Tried to sexually take advantage of me. Didn’t respect me. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? He was charismatic. Had a way about him that made the people around him feel important. He was goofy and loud. He seemed gregarious and adventurous. He also seemed like a good guy because he often helped his parents, took care of his home and watered the plants. He was the total opposite of K at that point after we broke up the first time. He was also accessible and I’m not going to lie, was the first person I experience rough and kinky sex with. I was kind of hooked. What I dislike about him? He’s a cheater and took advantage of my desire to have a deep connection with him. He’s two-faced and isn’t as kind as he appears. He didn’t treat me with the respect I deserved and didn’t give me the time I needed to feel emotional intimacy. He was distant and I hated the way he made me feel anxious all the time. I couldn’t communicate or speak. I felt like I had to cautious all the time. I didn’t know how to function around him. What did I learn? Similar lesson I learned with S. If I feel extreme apprehensive, and the other person makes me feel small and insecure, then it is not right, no matter how sexually attracted I may be to them. If someone isn’t putting effort to get to know you or appreciates you as a person, then it isn’t worth sticking around hoping they will. I also learned that it makes absolute no sense for me to chase after a man. If he is disengaged or not interested, he will not change his mind. I also learned not to be too trusting with someone who hasn’t earn that trust. Just because you might like someone doesn’t mean that gives them full access to your trust. It takes time to develop. Don’t lay it on too think and make sure everything feels nature and right. I also learned that I enjoy rough sex. Go figure.

2018 -Y - First person I hooked up with after K and I broke up. I was very attracted to him. The hookup felt more deep and intimate than anything I experienced before. He massaged me and showered with me. Wiped my body. I went to his birthday late, didn’t sleep with him, told me repeatedly that we should hang out and that he moved near me. Never heard from him again. Stopped liking my socials. Major disappointment because now he is the standard for the level of physical attraction I look for. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? I found him to be the most physically attractive among the men I’ve hooked up with. On a shallow level, I was drawn to him sexually. I can’t really say much about him because I don’t know him that well. But I guess I liked how he made me feel safe and accepted during sex with him. The foreplay was so fun. I felt so sexually confident. It was refreshing. What I dislike about him? Eh... hard to say because I don’t know the guy. I guess the only thing to say is that I dislike the ghosting part. What did I learn? That I have love addiction. Sleeping with someone one time and being preoccupied emotionally with them after is not healthy. Sexual intimacy can be genuine and only be enjoyed once. I also learned once again not to force anything. If he isn’t texting you after you gave him your number, he’s not interested. OH and also, if he invites you last minute to his birthday after you texted him offering to take him out for a drink, DO NOT go to this birthday hang. Dear Lordt.

2018 -S - When Y flopped, a month later when visiting my family in my hometown, I finally hooked up with my long term crush of many years. I met him between A and K and went on a few dates with him. Hot and cold. Made me feel special whenever we saw it each other. We talked to each other nonstop throughout the night every time. Was a bad texter. Never made plans. I initiated after lengthy periods. Eventually gave up and then dated K. He went to my going away party before I moved and the chemistry was so palpable, even K felt it. When I moved, he visited and asked to kiss me. Said no because I didn’t want to cheat. It never left my mind. Some months down, broke up with Kyle and spent most days daydreaming about what could have been. When I visited home last year, I wanted to see him and reached out. He didn’t do a great job solidifying plans and when i came close to seeing him, he left. Never followed up when he said he would. And I went back to my new home without seeing him... still hung up on him. Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him? oh man, this one is the deepest. there was so much to like about him in the short time that we’ve spent together. he was charismatic, artistic, interesting, treated him friends and family well, was involved with his community, taking action with his life, adventurous, responsible, supportive of his friends, well dressed, nice smile, kind and respectful. this is a minuscule detail, but we shared the same culture which was really nice and comforting in a way. S possessed most qualities that i look for in a partner. S was someone who I would’ve love to introduce my family to. i felt good that he liked me too. that someone who is so drastically different from the past men liked me too. it made me realize that i am deserving of a good man and that good men are out there. Why do I dislike him? He ghosted me. Never followed up with hanging out with me. It made me feel blown off. It seemed like he wanted me when it was convenient for him. Or when he was OFF with his girlfriend. I don’t want to be an option to someone. I want to be a priority. What did I learn? What am I in the process of learning? I learned that despite the shitty men I was involved with, there are still good men out there. And sometimes, even good men will not be interested in you. Not because you’re not good enough or you don’t measure up, but because you just simply are not compatible by no fault of your own. I am currently in the process of learning how to cope with love and fantasy addiction. I’ve learned that I need to work through some inner trauma that stems from my formative years. I’ve learned that I need to work on myself before I can accept another chance to be in love and in a partnership. I am learning how to let go and not rely on fantasizing to put a band aid on a situation. I am learning to accept when someone just isn’t for you and no amount of wishful thinking is going to change that. I also learned to NOT chase after someone AGAIN. If he isn’t interested and doesn’t pursue you and then years after confuse you by trying to kiss you and tells you he likes you and only to find out he just got out of a relationship and that he knew how much you liked him.... Don’t be with someone who will take advantage of your desire to be with them. Don’t allow your feelings to be used and manipulated. I also learned that I want everything to feel natural. That I don’t need to keep playing mind games.

2020 -M - I wanted to wait awhile before adding him to this list... but I think in order to truly move on from this, I need to examine this head on. It started off insanely passionate and promising. He was so sweet. I was so sexually stimulated by him. I really thought he was going to be my next relationship. But he went from loving to avoidant over time. He was like a mirror. I would feel my traumas and things I needed to work on reflected back on me. Emotional distance grew between us and next thing I knew I had to end it. Reluctantly. I didn’t want to, but there was no point in sticking around for a relationship that he wasn’t invested emotionally in anymore.

Why did I like him? What qualities did I like about him?

... I’m not ready to answer these... Why do I dislike him? What did I learn? What am I in the process of learning?

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inner-islands · 8 years ago

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in CONVERSATION with STAG HARE (Willow Skye-Biggs)

Stag Hare has been the musical and visual project of Willow Skye-Biggs over the last 10 years. She just released her final album as Stag Hare, “Starlights Gloom”, in May on Inner Islands. I, Sean of Inner Islands, have been talking with her over the last month through email about “Starlights Gloom”, the history of Stag Hare, and future projects.

What were you inspired by (both musically and otherwise) when you started the Stag Hare project and what are you feeling inspired by now, at the close of the project?

Well, in some ways things are similar in terms of inspiration - mainly non musical - which is kind of interesting considering how long it’s been. But in other ways I'm really in a different place now. As far as what I am listening to now vs then, almost no cross over in terms of actual playtime. In other ways I think that the sound in my head I attempt to translate into music, or the feelings I want to convey are in some ways the same deep down but quite different in the way they manifest is all.

When I was starting Stag Hare I was on a tail end of a lot of noise/freak folk obsession and listening to a lot more song based music, i.e. songs with a folk structure and lots of lyrics and such. And then also any "new age" music I could find, especially contemporary underground stuff. I definitely listened to a lot of Valet and White Rainbow and Lucky Dragons, which I think informed that sound more than anything else, but it was more in just giving me the confidence to do what I wanted with music when I wasn't hearing a lot of anything else that was in a similar approach. I also just have always listened to a wide variety of music to try to always have context for what I'm doing in a larger picture - which sometimes can be overwhelming - but in hind sight a lot of my favorite music now I was not really fully aware of at that point in time. Midway through the project I would get really into Grateful Dead and then later shift into all the house and techno I am listening to now. I also was an avid Arthur Magazine reader and that sort of filled in the gaps for this vibe I was interested in. My biggest inspiration in some ways has always been movies though and I was just discovering a lot of foreign classics in that time period.

Lately I have been listening pretty heavily to lots of house and techno, deephouse, techhouse, deep tech, minimal tech, progressive house etc. And that I would say is a pretty major paradigm shift for my general approach to music as of now. Where I was more inspired by a psychedelic living room then, I'm more interested in the secular dance temple as a platform now.

In a lot of ways I feel like it’s all been this process of waking up out of a deep deep dream and getting closer to waking reality. A lot of what I wanted to do with music and where I imagined it being played and who was listening to it seemed like something I just imagined and was just some fantasy and after years of trying to find it for awhile I decided it probably didn't exist. Now I'm just still aiming for the same things but I've found that there actually are lots and lots of places where people come together to experience sound in the way that I've always imagined, (so it wasn't a fantasy, I was just looking in the wrong places and making some general assumptions) and so that world is definitely inspiring me a lot right now as I feel like I am sort of finding a new voice.

My deeper goals with music are still the same just different ways to translate it and attempt to reach more people in a meaningful way. I'm not going to overly define those goals though, I think people who know know.

I'm still obsessed with the forest and land in general, but also letting a few more people into that world now, and expanding territories so right now I'm working in a mindset of forest green to black swamp zones.

I guess I could say I feel like Stag Hare was more about bringing myself into a deeper place and stillness and centeredness, and calm a lot of anxiety, and right now I'm interested in movement and empowerment. Expanding the headspace sound into a full body sound.

Do you feel like the pieces on Starlights Gloom are closer to those aims of movement and empowerment?

I feel like Starlight Gloom is maybe about as far as it is going to be explored with Stag Hare..... but also, that's kind of still its own thing, so I'm not sure whether I think so or not?? Maybe some tones of that yes, but overall maybe not....

Do you feel like it was significant at all to pull fragments from previous Stag Hare work to create Starlights Gloom, as it's meant to be the final album? Like a summation of sorts. Or was that simply just a method to create some new work?

Well, honestly at the time I started working with that method I wasn't conceiving it to be the final stag hare album specifically, although I suppose it kind of did feel like that. It wasn't particularly conscious though, no. It does seem like it works out well though. At the time I was just thinking about music made out of samples and realizing I had more than enough material to do that while just sampling my own material... And also just not feeling inspired to record any new sounds but wanting to put tracks together, basically.

At what point did you realize that the guitar drone was going to be a staple in every Stag Hare piece?

The whole project basically started out of the concept of using guitar as a minimal sound generating device rather than as an instrument to "play" notes or melodies on. At the time I wasn't very experienced at the guitar on general and was just fascinated by that idea and mainly by the feeling I'd get getting lost in the sound I was coming up with running my guitar through a digitech digidelay pedal. After that it just slowly shaped out that anytime I tried to create a track that wasn't built around that drone centerpiece is didn't feel like a stag hare song. And eventually it just solidified into the general concept that the whole project was just one long guitar drone with various ways to decorate on and around it.

Do you think you'll return to drone-based work at all post-Stag Hare? I know it's a long life... but do you have a sense from your current vantage point?

Oh I fully expect to make more drone/ambient based music for sure. Not sure about using the guitar in quite that same way anytime soon, but certainly not closed to that. I just know I don't want to use that as much or rely on that consistent element. I'm really not sure exactly what this will all sound like but regardless that type of music will always be really close to my heart and meaningful to me and I still am not satisfied with everything I've done in that particular medium yet I don't think.

Speaking of mediums, after doing Tastes Like Mandy do you think you'll want to get into more installation work?

Absolutely yes. I completely loved that process and have always been very interested in more visual mediums, and specifically the interaction between visual and sound as in Tastes Like Mandy. I have plans to do related installations in the future, as well as standalone sculptural work and am also starting the process for my first short film/video project hopefully taking off this fall! I keep meaning to make music take a backseat to focus on other projects but somehow I keep getting sucked into music again! This is literally what I've been doing for the last ten years, music was always just something for me to work on "right now" while preparing for other projects but apparently "right now" is still now..... haha

Was the Imago video your first video work to get released? How do you feel about that piece at this point?

I believe that was my first official video release? And still the only thing I've released that's involved as much work as that did as well. I was really happy with how it turned out, and still think it was a good exercise for me in translating ideas visually.... I was always on the fence about doing too many videos for stag hare though, so I still have mixed feelings about that. Honestly, non creatively speaking, it's kind of not something I enjoy watching at this point as it was made during a pretty painful time in my life and has a lot of heavy reminders in that regard.... But, I suppose that's what happens when you continue to make art throughout life and inevitabley will have those kinds of moments.

How and when do you listen to music? What do you focus on (or not focus on)?

It seems like I have different levels of music listening. I listen while I'm doing things, like driving, cooking, reading, and then I have focused listening when I am only listening to music, usually with headphones but not always. I've lately been in my car a lot so listening to a lot of music in that environment, which I like because it is a sort of enclosed little space and you can get really engulfed in the sound while still keeping pretty much to yourself. My favorite way to listen lately would be at an all night event of some sort, with well tuned high quality speakers with decent low end playing good sounds for hours on end. It feels very satisfying and therapeutic right now to be able to really feel the sound physically and be surrounded by the music.

Regardless, if there's music on I have to be listening to it and am automatically dissecting it in some way or another. Sometimes at a restaurant I have trouble hearing what people are saying because I can't not focus on the music. In a way it's rather obnoxious. But I seem to be just wired that way or something. So when I am not specifically interested in listening to music (generally a specific type of music depending on my mood) I don't want to listen to anything at all. I'd rather listen to no music than music I don't want to listen to. But, that said, if someone else is choosing music, I usually love that. It’s easier for me to relax and passively listen that way - although I will still be analyzing. It feels like someone doing the dishes for me or something.

When you make music do you try to acknowledge the different levels of listening that you find in your own listening habits and dialogue with those? Do you try to imagine other people's listening habits?

Oh yes, this is something I think about quite a lot. I like to be as intentional as possible with what type of music I'm making and what type of listening state and system people will be listening on. But, I've found it's not always useful to try to imagine what other people are going to do or not do, so I tend to just use myself as a reference point, beyond determining the intended function of a track. If it's an intimate headphone album or something designed for live speaker systems, or what. Inevitably a lot of music will be heard on laptop speakers, phone speakers, and shitty apple earbuds as well which is something I also keep in mind. I like to have a track translate hopefully to different systems and still put across the essence of a track, although I will say sometimes you can't do that. I want to be able to be more specific and nuanced with my mixes sometimes, and combined with doing a lot of work that is not melody based or doesn't have a lot of focal elements going on in the mid range zone that comes thru laptop speakers sometimes it’s just a loss.

Is your newer (unreleased) work more focused on bigger sound systems where that nuance can really be felt? And how are your new productions going, in a more general sense? What can we look forward to from you and your work?

For the most part yes, I am finding myself splitting tracks into headphone/home listening and live sound systems with the latter being my primary focus at the moment. Particularly there is a certain environment I'm interested in producing for, not really a club, and not really a "main stage" kind of vibe but something like what I experienced playing at the Lunar Transit festival here in Utah this Summer. A space where things can balance between music to sit on piles of pillows to, or music to dance to essentially. I've been testing out new things out when I dj to see what’s working and what isn't, for the most part I'm pretty happy with how things are developing. I have a lot of different things I want to express and put out there, so it's mostly a matter of organizing all of that and working on being more specific as well as finding the right context where what I'm doing will sit well. I'm planning a series of digital releases to come out by the end of the year, mostly singles and working up to some EP's. After that we will see.... I have a tentative plan to do a full album intended more for home listening and probably fitting closer to the Stag Hare sound within the year, but I feel like I need to get some other stuff out there first. From there I really have no idea what shape things will take, my goal is to just try to stay in touch with the creative energy and follow that where it goes...

#stag hare #inner islands #music #interview #conversation

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