#and I'd do it now but my brain is being extra adhd today and a second post getting done today feels unrealistic

[david-tennant-wearing-things]

Please keep uploading EVERYTHING (as much as you can)

Of georgias insta posts/stories

Its amazing lol

Well since you asked, uh, funny story. I’ve actually been screenshotting nearly every Instagram story for several months and then keep forgetting to post them. (and I may or may not also be hoarding a lot of Anna and Ty's stories, so lmk if you want those too)

All of Wordle (or at least all that I can find in my camera roll) under the cut:

These were posted between April 3, 2024 and June 11, 2024

I'll post the rest of what I have soon! (But if I forget please come yell at me)

[lololollywrites]

STEWING in anger today. My younger sister - she's 33 - was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) 16 months ago, which obviously has been devastating. She is no longer able to work as a nurse, which has been a huge adjustment mentally for her (she LOVED her job in post-labor maternal care). She and her husband had only recently bought a house, but now they can barely pay their bills; he has to work extra hours, and she's home with both of my nieces, one of whom (at 8 years old) has severe behavioral issues stemming from ADHD and OCD. They've already had to file for bankruptcy. She's a wonderful mother, but the stress of it all certainly doesn't help her MS symptoms, and it all piles up (she isn't always physically able to clean the house, etc.). I live about five hours from her and come down when I can to help, but I can't do that as often as I'd like.

She's been hospitalized five times in the past year (unable to walk, with spasms and pain) and received planned infusions even more often, though has thus far only received steroid treatments because HER INSURANCE COMPANY DIDN'T COVER THE INITIAL MEDICATION SUGGESTED BY HER NEUROLOGIST, then REFUSED TO COVER THE SECOND RECOMMENDATION (after the first one was ineffective) despite it being the one they argued should have been chosen in the first place. That's meant she's only had treatment to **manage** her symptoms rather than **treat** them. For over a year. FOR A PROGRESSIVE DISEASE. After more than five years of being misdiagnosed with POTS despite clearly having more going on (and a doctor's office "misplacing" an MRI from years ago that could have showed early signs). Fortunately, she recently got approval from her insurance and will begin treatments next month that will hopefully help.

But this post isn't even about that. This post is about the fact that, as she can no longer work (and briefly tried another desk job at the hospital that was also impossible due to her MS brain fog), she applied for disability. 15 MONTHS AGO. They've made her jump through SO MANY HOOPS - so much paperwork and waiting with no updates that she's been in tears more than once. My mother even contacted her state's Congress representative, who's reached out directly to the disability office to inquire as to why it's all taking so long. Without disability, she and her husband will barely be able to cover their bills, let alone save to repair the many things that need repaired in their new home or to support their children. Or even to just, you know, take a vacation for the first time in ten years to ensure their marriage is salvaged. We started a GoFundMe at the beginning, right after she was diagnosed, which was wonderful, but she doesn't want to do that again now; it feels like begging to her.

Yesterday, her disability request was denied. Who the hell knows why. It was just an instant updated status; we don't yet have the letter. She's devastated, as are all of us. It just seems incomprehensible, though apparently up to 77% of disability applicants are denied in the hope that no one appeals (about 50% do). She now has to get a lawyer and fight for what she deserves. More stress (making her symptoms worse) and more money. And more waiting.

This whole experience has just further radicalized me. I have no idea what to do. I'm just SO ANGRY.

[idleglowingpixels]

XXY Chapter 13 Update!

You can read Violet over on my AO3!

You might be wondering why I'm updating this chapter so early in the day. Well for starters, I spent the whole night working on the later chapters of the fic, as well as going back and re-reading this one and Ch. 14 to make sure they're all good to go. Especially considering all the Pride Month fan art that I've been doing, I wanted to manage my time the best I could so I'd have today's fan art as well as Ch. 13 ready to go so you guys wouldn't be waiting.

And another reason, is that I'm playing Deltarune with some friends tonight, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to give Ch. 13 the usual read-through and minimal editing I do right before I upload every chapter tonight. And this one is particularly special to me (I know, I know, I say that about nearly every goddamn chapter, but this story's been in the works since 2019 -- can you really blame me?), so I wanted to take my time with rereading it.

Fair warning, but compared to the rest in the batch, this one's a little shorter than usual. I decided to cut a section and save it for a later chapter, so that this chapter can have its main scene for the entire thing. Chapter 14 is an intermission chapter, so that one's extra short, but this one's nearly 3k words, so about normal length for the first batch's chapters.

Now, without further ado, I will be getting back to work on all my multifandom summertime brain rot, hope y'all enjoy this one!

(A/N under Keep Reading - SPOILERS AHEAD!

Launch Notes - June 7th, 2025

And with that, we've concluded the final full-length chapter of Batch 2. LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!! I never thought I'd actually get this far, folks, but here we are! Hooray! Alright, enough celebrations of self-accomplishment. Time for the post-chapter chit-chat yap session about my favorite parts.

If any of you are familiar with cars/car terminology and are wondering, "How TF does this random ass AO3 author know what a drivetrain is," I'm shouting out my younger brother who's a car mechanic for helping me out with this one. Saved me a lotta research time!

Okay, okay, now for the CHARACTERS. I know I said it when he appeared in the previous chapter, but GOD DAMN I love writing for Mojo. His mojo-isms are so fun to write. And I hope y'all enjoyed how I handled the reunion of this crazy ass family! I love them all so much. Tried to make them feel as much like themselves as possible. Also, I was laughing my ass off while writing them. Whether that was from fangirling over my own fanfiction like a dweeb, or because it was actually funny, I suppose you will have to tell me.

As for Butch, there's mention of him having selective mutism at the beginning of the chapter. I know that this is a trait more common with autism, but I headcanon Butch as having ADHD (what with his ONLY canon trait being that he's very hyperactive), so personally I like to think it derives from that (Don't worry, the ADHD will be properly addressed in the work itself -- I don't doubt there's people who skip over A/Ns when reading fics). Is it projection on my end? Maybe. I'll never tell!

I think that's all I can think of to yap about with this chapter. Very fun one, had a great time with it! Ch. 14 will release next month as scheduled, and I'm doing my best to get the next few chapters ready for the rest of the year at least like I've mentioned before.

As always, thank you for all the things, including hits, bookmarks, comments and kudos! Everything is very appreciated, and it makes my day seeing email updates about comments and kudos left on the fic. Stay hydrated and have a wonderful day/night! <3

[2jam4u]

hi milla! It’s so nice to see you around again, I’m so touched and happy for you that your life is so beautiful 🥹 you give me so much hope. I have the same dream of becoming a therapist, I’m autistic and have a GED because I had a horrific time in school in general as a kid. I’m 30 now and it intimidates me so much to go “back” to college (for the first time) not bc of my age but because it was so difficult the first time with undx autism amongst other things. I’m still undiagnosed officially today, and I always weigh whether or not I want go through with a dx, but my understanding is the only way I can get accommodations is with the official diagnosis. Do you have any words, thoughts, or advice for an autistic girlboy on a similar path to you? Thank you just for reading this I hope you have such a nice night 🫶

Honestly the 10+ years between my last attempt at post-secondary education were mostly me in a panic because I had my hs diploma and what felt like a brain that just didn't work with traditional education and a job market that demanded at minimum undergrad degrees for entry level jobs. It took a solid 10 years of my sister convincing me year after year for me to finally get on board and allow myself to try again. But yeah, I think a large part of why I'm able to be successful now is the knowledge I have of how my brain operates and my clinical diagnosis.

I think when it comes to accommodations at school or work, those are the only areas where the formal diagnosis has any worth. In pretty much any other area of life it's not necessary, but you do need to have formal diagnostic reports to give in for those accommodations. That being said the majority of my accommodations are for the adhd according to accessibility services at my school. I don't think they're very well versed in autism related accommodations but they know a lot about adhd so I have a recorder for class, access to digital copies of all my textbooks, a text-to-speech software for those digital texts and extra time in exams — all of those are specifically for adhd. So if you're auDHD i'd recommend getting an adhd assessment done because they're significantly cheaper and (I don't wanna say easier but) easier to get, people are more likely to believe you, more likely to take your self-reporting at face value, shorter assessment etc.

But like I said before, I think the accommodation is only half the reason I'm doing better, there's a ton of stuff I do for myself in the way of regulation, support for my "deficits", preparing myself for routines and possible changes, laying out my school info in a way that's most digestible for my brain bla bla bla. Those are things you don't need a diagnosis for but are work you can put in for yourself that can make a HUGE difference. I can talk more about that if you want but if you're not able to get a formal diagnosis please don't think that means school is ever off the table for you entirely.

Black and white tism thinking here but I tended to see school as an all or nothing situation. Either I was naturally great at it and had no problems, or I couldn't do it at all. So when I struggled I gave up quickly, but now I'm forcing myself to work through things and it turns out I don't have to be naturally gifted at something to still get really good results and good grades. And I think the same can be true for a lot of us, if we give ourselves the opportunity to make it happen.

[infinityactual]

Ngl, being (apparently exactly) half your age is fun because making people about my mom's age feel Old is enrichment for me (love u, have a nice day)

Hey man I love feelin old.

It's funny, growing up undiagnosed autistic and adhd in an abusive, authoritarian household really messed up my perception of what growing up is like. I have since officially cut contact with my abusive family (they didn't even react aside from signing the registered mail receipt lolololol) but even before that, I often thought a lot about what its like being in my thirties.

(Brief mentions of assault and abuse below he cut, nothing detailed just mentions as examples for context. This got a little rambly, I've had a lot on my mind regarding age the last few years.)

And being that old? It's. Not different. The phrase 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' never really made sense to me as a kid, but it hits home nowadays. I'm still me, but between growing and learning as I age and the realization that I'm probably not who I was told I was, it makes sense. I change. But I stay the same. It's like adding extra paint to a canvas. It's still a canvas, but there's more to it now. It will always be a canvas, but it's a canvas that is also different than it was before. It's changed, but it's the same.

My mom is one of those people who (literally at times) beat into me that if you got assaulted or raped or murdered, it was somehow YOUR fault for being too stupid or dressing too provocative or some other bullshit reason, and that I was sooo trusting and sooo stupid that I would probably end up dead before I hit 25.

And being on the spectrum and adhd and...well, a fuckin CHILD, I believed it.

It took three therapists and a psychiatrist, plus pretty much everyone I talk to going "Uh hey [x] isn't normal, that's abuse and you probably have [y] issues" for it to really sink in that my mother was wrong. That happened in 2020, right at the start of lockdown. Almost 5 years later and I still get kicked in the head with past traumas. I'm still sorting everything out. It's gonna take a while.

But I'm 38. Over a decade past the age when I thought I'd be dead. And only this year after deciding not to let the trauma and bad memories surrounding my birthday did I really understand how fucked up it is to fully expect to be dead at a young age without any sort of preexisting issues going on (it's also not a good way to live if you DO have medical issues that could kill you, but that is not what I'm getting into today).

I still feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it's not a 'my death could happen any second' feeling, it's a more insidious 'what if my death comes from my spouse, whom I love and trust implicitly?' thing, with an added feeling of anxiety because on bad brain days I try to look for red flags where there are none.

And the real kicker: that sort of trust was already violated when I was a toddler, possibly younger, and kept being violated till I left home.

It's a lot to think about. Like several boxes of puzzles all dumped on the floor at once. I pick through the pieces, sometimes things click, but mostly it's just a mess.

But I am glad I lived. I'm glad that I am still here to prove that I'm not 'too stupid' to survive. I like being the server dinosaur on Discord. I like being there for younger folks who went through or still are in the shit. Cos I'm proof it gets better. I'm proof that abusers are liars and so are the mental problems abuse instills in a mind. They're liars that tell you horrible things. I argue back. I have gotten into the habit of responding to the thoughts in my mother's voice yelling at me by telling her she can fuck off.

She can fuck off and I'll still be here loving the same shit I did in school. In fact, things I loved have been coming back to me. I'm still me, but I've changed. The only thing adult about me is my age and that I have bills and taxes. I've cultivated patience. Learned that I was never wrong to give kindness and expect it in return. I've grown. And I love being old.

[gardengobbo]

April 30th 2024

Not much of a garden update here, but I assure you there has actually been some progress. So here's a photo of one of my dove frens I took one the 28th.

Keep readin' if you wanna hear me blab on about the video posts and ADHD. You've been warned, it's long 😂

So I've been enjoying doing the video-style posts instead of typing 90 paragraphs of nonsense, but I don't want to keep recording with my phone since the videos take up a bunch of space. (As well as me having to take off my dirt-coated gardening gloves every time I want to record.) I could just delete the clips after editing into one video, or just all of them after uploading, but I prefer having things backed up instead of just uploaded online.

I know I could back them up to my computer too, but part of the reason I enjoy the quick clips of nonsense slapped together with minimal editing is because it's simple and I can do it all on my phone. Either plugging it into my computer or even uploading them to Google Drive on my phone then downloading them onto the computer adds extra steps.

Extra steps that seem inconsequential, but something I know about myself is I'm very all or nothing. It's very hard for me to only do half of a thing. In this example that'd be editing the videos together and then hitting the block that I've finished that part and uploaded, but now I need to plug in my phone to the computer to transfer the video files. Or if I back them up to drive, it only has so much space before it yells at me to upgrade lol

Drive seems like the most logical option though as it would give me the freedom to at least have more time before I have to download the backups, however I know for a fact that when that point comes I won't record any more videos even if I want to because I need the space to back them up, but I dont want to sit down on the computer to download the Drive backups because I'm doing other things and will get distracted if I do.

This is a struggle for me in a lot of aspects, can't do Z because I need to do X but I can't do X until I do Y, and I need to finish ABC before I can do Y, but all I really want to finish is Z. And worse is that most times to do Z, there isn't any need for the other stuff. It's just me wanting Z done in a certain way that to do it that certain way, it requires all those other steps. This happens in the garden a lot too, so this rant is kinda still relevant 😅

Thankfully all of that hasn't caused an issue with me just not doing garden things because I want to record it, because trust me when I say that's happened a lot in the past too. (That being me wanting to make a little video of something but not being able to figure out how I want to set up the cameras so I don't do the craft or whatever because I want to record it so it just never happens but sticks in my brain as the thing I want to do but can't till I figure the recording process out.) Depression is the reason why I haven't been gardening 🤣

All this to say I have like, 2 days worth of clips I want to edit into a post to show the progress so far. One day is clips on my phone, the other I recorded with a little action camera and I'm not sure how that's turned out yet since that requires me to upload to the computer to see better. (See computer related snag above as to why thats not done!) Today I might go even further and just bring out my small digital camera I got years ago to do vlogs with, that I never vlogged with.

Which leads me to my last point, and Ima make a poll for thoughts on the idea after this post cause I know this is a lot to read and most folks won't care, and that's fine! I think maybe I will use that camera for vlogging finally. I'd have to learn how to use an actual video editing software, and it'd have to be lightweight cause my once-top-of-the-line-parts-now-10-years-outofdate computer struggles hard to play Helldivers 2 right now, I can't imagine trying to run something like Premier Pro. But to be honest all I want to do is add auto-captions like Ive already done previously so I'm sure I can fine some free or cheap program to do so. I'm just not sure if like, amateur gardening vlog style videos where I mutter to myself as I pour dirt is really a genre of content lmfao. And if it is, it's probs better off on here or tiktok but I'm going insane trying to not film landscape everytime I go to record something.

So like, I dunno, I guess youtube? I can probs figure out how to sorta make it acceptable for portrait orientation viewing after the fact? I have no idea but if there's a gap in video updates for today, that's why 🤣

Alright that's all for now. I gotta get up, get sunscreen'd, and get out there! As long as it's not raining still... it was last night 😅

[beels-burger-babe]

B's Tips - "Do the Thing" Edition

So! If you've been on my blog today, you know I've been struggling with an essay. Most of this is due to my adhd riddled brain just not being able to process sitting down and writing roughly 2500 words upon demand (even though I do it creatively all the time). So instead, I've been in a state of doing nothing while internally hyperfixating on the thing I need to do and beating myself up for not actually doing it. Not healthy.

Here is a few things I just did to combat this state paralysis and how I force myself to get shit done. (Please note, while this works for me, it may not work for you. I just thought I'd share cause discussing stuff like this is important.)

1: Pre-Writing Ritual I have this little ritual that I do every time I sit down to write something academic. I light some aromatherapeutic candles, make some tea, and put on some lofi. The routine kind of signals to my brain that "Hey. This is serious. It's time to concentrate and focus," while simultaneously giving me time to hype myself up and switch my brain over to my work brain. (That probably doesn't make sense, but whatevs)

2: Break it down. Like I said earlier, the main reason I was struggling with this essay all day was because of its size. So while I was making my tea, I decided to focus not on the essay as a whole, but on the first 100o words. I told myself that after the first 1000, I could take a short break if I needed to and then write the second 1000. I repeated to myself "I can write a 1000 words. I've easily written 1000 words before. I can do this. It's just a 1000 words," to really set it in my head that this was a manageable task that I was more than capable of. I do this on a more regular basis with studying or chores, by giving them a set time period that I will work on them for that I know I'm easily capable of doing.

3: Affirmation This was mentioned in both of the others, but I say little positive affirmations to remind myself that this task isn't impossible. That I can do it. I usually mix that in with a little deep breathing, just for extra measure.

Then I'm good to go. It doesn't always work, but it definitely helps me get where I need to be 😊 I'm working on my first 1000 words now, but I realized that this is a healthy little routine that I have to gently push myself to study and be productive and I thought that I'd share.

[adhdstudybitch]

Hey so I was wondering if you or any of your followers had any tips/experience with how to stop/lessen masking while in therapy?

ADHD and/or Autistic masking! I think it might be a mix of both for me, but I'm not sure. 🤔

Context if it's needed: I have several comorbities, as well as some physical health issues, and have honestly been struggling mentally for a really long time. But even with therapy I haven't been able to be fully helped because my instinct to mask and act like "everything is fine!" is so strong.

I've been trying my best with being open and honest in my appointments, but it feels like instead of relaxing that barrier, I'm pushing it down by force. Doing it this way means there's a LOT of resistance, and as soon as I stop consciously trying to be open, the barrier snaps back up. Inner me feels very much like a panicking, cornered, desperate animal.

In order to get help, I know I need to admit that I need help. And I do admit it! Wholeheartedly! But everytime I try and reach out/open up, I find myself furiously backpedaling almost immediately.

I don't know what to do. I'd appreciate any insight my fellow ADHDers may have.

[Addition: I did bring this up with my therapist, but based on how hard it is for me to function right now, she's encouraging me to "focus on the basics" and do my best to care for myself until I'm in a better/settled place emotionally and not worry about getting into "deeper" therapy things. I agree (though i think i need some extra direction on what "basic" is 😳) but I would still like some input for the future plz!!]

(Also, I'm sending an ask like this to a few different adhd blogs so I can get different suggestions from different people to try out, so if you see this elsewhere that's why)

(This got long sorry)

Thanks!!!!

-Ani

I’m sorry dear, I saw this ask the other day and thought I responded!

I’ve struggled with this issue in the past as well. I had one therapist who took me about 4 months to fully open up to, even though I knew I needed to stop masking in order to get the most out of therapy. I just had so many walls up and was worried about people seeing the true depth of my emotions and struggles.

I definitely think it’s worth asking her to clarify what she means by “the basics” to give you a better idea of what you can focus on. At the same time, if she wants you to be more settled in an emotional way that does, to a certain extent, mean that you need to be able to talk about your emotions openly. It might be helpful to tell her that you’d like to work on opening up little by little each session. It’s not going to happen all at once but change over time is important progress.

One thing that might help is keeping a journal of your emotions and deeper thoughts about your mental health. You can also write about events that happened that caused strong emotions. Highlight the things you know you’d want to bring up to her if you weren’t masking. Bring this to therapy and challenge yourself to read one highlighted thing each session if possible. She’ll probably take it from there. It’s scary at first but it’ll help to chip away at that mask little by little.

These are of course just suggestions and you don’t have to follow them if you feel like they won’t be a good fit. I’m gonna throw this to my followers because I’m certain others can relate to this!

(Sorry about any typos, my brain is full of worms today)