#and also remind me of simpler and better times

[mne-bolno]

bestie @theklaapologist tagged me to post my top10 albums ♥

tagging @balkanballad @darkside-cookies @fandomchaosposts @purple-amaranthe @sugaroto @mercmicki @aestheticlarrie and anyone else who wants to share music ❤❤

[milkoomi]

finding & knowing your worth. ᥫ᭡

i wanted to take some time and talk about self-worth. this is something that was extremely difficult for me to find and realize for myself, but as i look back on my life and reflect on my growth, i’ve found myself truly knowing my own worth. of course, i still have those days that are more difficult than others, but i’ve been able to quickly pick myself back up. why? because i know my worth. i want to share a few things that have helped me realize that for myself, so i hope this post is able to enlighten you. ㅤ♡

let’s begin …

୨ৎ — lose interest in outsider opinions

in simpler terms: stop caring. i kept asking myself, “why do i care so much about what others are thinking of me?” and then i came across a couple quotes where one said, “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, why would you take their criticism?” and the other said, “i would never want to trade lives with someone who hates me.” those two quotes really stuck with me because it reminded me that those people who didn’t have a good opinion of me were the same people i needed to stop caring about.

so what if someone didn’t like me? that person is either no longer a part of my life (for good reason) or they don’t know me in the ways that my loved ones or my own self do, so why should what they have to say or think about me matter?

i knew myself better than anyone, so whatever anyone had to say about me shouldn’t have bothered me, and i let it stop bothering me. i also realized that as my day goes on and i find myself not thinking about what someone said, i tell myself that it wasn’t even worth a single thought in the first place because, clearly, it doesn’t bother me anymore!

if it won’t matter to you in 5 years, don’t continue to give it any more of a meaning.

୨ৎ — stop seeking validation

to piggyback off of my previous point, seeking outside validation is 1. not worth your time and 2. pointless. other people should never be the ones who define your worth. you have to seek validation from yourself. nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not you’re worthy.

i was always looking for validation from others, and it made my own journey to finding myself even more difficult. there were so many different opinions about me that i kept hearing, and it made me feel lost. it felt like i was getting further and further from truly discovering myself and feeling like i was worth something.

i had to pretty much force myself to seek validation within myself rather than from anyone else. it was hard, but the longer i kept searching for some kind of worth to others the more miserable and empty i felt.

୨ৎ — self reflection

time to bring out that journal, babe. we’re going to write about ourselves.

no, seriously, take some time to reflect on yourself. look within yourself and understand yourself a bit more. getting to know yourself and taking the time to focus on yourself can help you figure some things out and even bring you one step closer to truly knowing your worth.

prompts for reflection:

what are 3 characteristics about your personality do you like about yourself? why?

what are your strengths? how do those things about you make you a better person?

what’s your favorite thing(s) about you? how would they compare to what a loved one would say about you?

what are the things that weigh you down? what can you do to lift that weight off your shoulders?

how have you changed within the last 3 years? what about you has changed that you’re really proud of?

self reflection has helped me grow so much. i’ve learned so many new things about myself and it’s helped appreciate myself way more. you’ll be surprised at all the things you find about yourself, and guess what? one of those things will be your own worth.

୨ৎ — surround yourself with positivity

the people who you surround yourself with will play a huge role in how you feel about yourself. i spent too many years surrounded by people who made me feel like i was never enough, and i continued to keep the same kind of people around. i was sick of it. i was tired of being mistreated and feeling betrayed. those people made me feel miserable and they only ever brought me down rather than lifted me up.

even the media i consumed didn’t help me. i was always so focused on comparing myself to those instagram models and tiktok girls who looked nothing like me, and it made me feel worse about myself. even watching videos or shows that brought me down made my esteem drop too.

it’s important to surround yourself with people and media that make you feel good, that lift you up, and that help you feel confident because that kind of good treatment is what you deserve! you shouldn’t have to submit yourself to negativity, it only makes you feel worse and it’ll continue to get worse the longer you keep those things and people around.

now that i have people in my life that make me feel genuinely loved and cared for, i feel like i can offer that same energy those people give me to myself! it really makes a huge difference who your close circle consists of, so make sure those people are people who are genuinely and unconditionally there for you.

୨ৎ — final notes

if you do need a reminder: you are worthy, and you always have been! finding and knowing your own worth is no easy feat, but the journey you’ll go on to discover it and implement it into your life will be so extremely worth it. i promise!

you will always be more than enough, and i hope you can continue to remind yourself of that. treat yourself with genuine love and kindness, and don’t ever take yourself for granted. you have achieved so much and you have so many things to offer in life. you may not see it now, but once you do, you’ll see just how beautiful and bright your own light is.

with lots of love, faustina 🌷

[dreamlikevening]

cut the chord! ✂️ what are you finishing up & beginning at this time .ೃ࿐

𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓅 𝑜𝓃𝑒

hello! welcome, and thank you for joining me here! this message is meant to bring you clarity, reassurance, and guidance about a cycle or situation that you are “cutting the chord” with, in other words ending.

afterwards, we will see what purpose this ending serves, and what it is bringing to you! i hope your message(s) find you well! thank you! 🤍

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the ending

so, what are you finishing up here? thick groups of my tarot cards kept falling between my legs and i kept catching them. it made me instantly think that you’re releasing a lot of heavy things at once. this a time of deep cleansing for you, and i’m sure you are aware of it. it is consciously removing habits from your life that no longer serve you. mindsets, people, activities, energies. you are actively removing them. i actually heard “destroying” them which makes me want to laugh. whoever is witnessing you go through this, whether it be your guides, higher self, a loved one, etc., they see you absolutely demolishing it. you are killing it. figuratively and spirituality. you are not letting things get in your way anymore. if you know something is negatively impacting you, you are validating it. you are not settling, accommodating, or hiding it anymore. it doesn’t matter what you’re proving to others or what they’re seeing here, this is fully Your Thing. even if you are the only one seeing all your hard work right now, you are also the one who is ridding yourself of clusters of stress and unnecessary suffering because you are able to firstly acknowledge what you are feeling / validate your feelings (even if it is initially not pleasant), and then you are able to handle them. that is more than admirable. many people can do one or the other, or perhaps neither. many know they are upset, frustrated, and confused in life. they complain about it nonstop. but they lack the proactive skills or willingness to fight for something better. you do not lack this, love. some cannot even see that they are struggling. others are always in problem-solving mode, never taking the time to just breathe and listen to their inner guidance. you can do this love. i’m wanting to reassure you that this isn’t about comparison and you being better than others or you being extraordinarily different. i have a feeling you may not enjoy feeling too different than other people. maybe that is isolating to you.

but you are doing a lot on your own. and maybe there is a hard pill to swallow that recently came your way regarding your place in other people’s lives. i think you outgrew someone, something, or someplace. you are “bigger.” (but think of the sun, bigger means brighter!) i sense an ache, and i can feel it quite strongly. your guides want you to know this — you are not being shunned. you are not even ridiculed or disliked by those whom you outgrew. it’s actually a bit simpler… they don’t have the capacity to hold you. there is an illusion in their eyes that is nobody’s fault. they falsely perceive themselves as full cups, and at your presence, they overflow. (in reality, what is happening is that you are reminding them of their emptiness because of the way you freely give.) your presence intimidates others on the emotional capacity. i’m getting the image of somebody crying because of something you said, or feeling very upset. you opened up a faucet in them. a lot of people close themselves off from feeling, and this is making me feel an ache in my chest. you do not close yourself off from emotion. in fact, i think you’ve always been the sentimental one of the pack. no one openly carries the emotions that you do my love. no one does it the way that you do it, at least no one in the environment you’re outgrowing. people wish so terribly that they could experience, feel, and see life the way that you do. so much so that they do not even comprehend the absolute hard work you’ve set out to do.

you’re starting to realize that intellect, brains, and skill are not as important to you as emotions, spirit, and energy. you’d rather become a master of those than the others. for you, conquering the spiritual realm will allow you to conquer the earthly realm. trust that calling. do not be fooled or discouraged by those who are doing things differently. your heart beats harder, so it needs your devotion. and i know you know that too! instead of giving other people the benefit of the doubt, you are giving YOURSELF the benefit of the doubt. “maybe i am right about this.” “maybe my feelings are valid here.” “maybe i should just do what makes me happy.” these are the kinds of mindsets you are welcoming now. i am massively proud of you, and i am right there with you on this journey. you are very, very special indeed.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the beginning

so, what are you starting up? an era of self-empowerment. a time in your life where even if you are carrying many burdens or undergoing struggle, you have the wonderful ability to recuperate nearly immediately. you have the tools to temper yourself, remind yourself to pace yourself and reach a level-headedness. this isn’t just you having the capability, because anyone always has the ability and capacity to heal themselves. this is more than that. it is you actually stepping in for yourself. being overwhelmed because of a situation at home or at work, then taking action to allow yourself to feel it, meditate it, then heal it. it’s no longer from a place of “i have to”. it’s an urgency because you want to. you want to help yourself, you want to work with yourself. you are seeing yourself as a teammate. this is teamwork with the self. appreciating your hard work, and then saying, now i need a break. and being more than okay with that. showering yourself with love. being truly devoted to yourself, that is what is happening here. if you’ve had struggle in the past with feeling discouraged that your hard work isn’t paying off, this is a time where you’re not going to see it that way whatsoever. it’s either not about that, or your efforts are matching your actions entirely (or both!) your devotion is admirable, and very beautiful. also… haha…. can’t wait to tell you this. for those of you who are wanting to share your love with another person… i see that as a major possibility here. this is a person who shows up for you just as much as you show up for yourself. someone who can pick up the slack when you are struggling. it wouldn’t hurt this person one bit to help you and be there for you. this is an ultimately unconditionally loving human who can hold space for every single one of your emotions. let this come to you. and in the meantime, keep delecting in what you can give yourself. there is an endless amount of love that you can feel and experience when it starts with you. i am wishing you the best on your journey! rest up, and take lots of care. i am sending you a lot of love, thank you for reading. 🤍

𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓅 𝓉𝓌𝑜

hello!! welcome to your reading, and thank you for being here! this reading will be about what you are currently “cutting the chord” with in your life. this signifies something that is ending, and simultaneously, that which is beginning. we will dive into both of those today! thank you, i hope you enjoy and find the clarity and peace that you deserve!

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the ending

interesting. as i closed my eyes to pull for your cards, i had an inkling come to me to start talking about your “beginning” first, and then when i opened my eyes to look at your cards, we were definitely already looking at your beginning. about your ending, i heard “you already know what is.” which makes me think you have already closed that chapter off, and this is your confirmation that that’s over and done with. i just saw a visual of cinderella brushing off her hands like “whew, i’m done!” after cleaning her house. wiping the sweat off of her forehead (it’s funny i actually just did this because i was doing some zumba and it fit the situation so perfectly!) what i was gathering is that you ended off a period of “unrest.” this feels like a time where you were lacking clarity and had a lot of questions in your mind. i feel like everything was a question mark for you during that time. i am definitely seeing an identity crisis. like “who tf am i and what tf am i supposed to do!?” this is a giggly and fresh energy for me and i seriously feel you here. i want to speak to you as a friend and say, we’ve all been there and i’m undergoing a similar phase at the moment. in my experience, i am having trouble taming my ambitions. there is much i want to do, and am certain i want to do, but the “how” of it all is what is driving me crazy. is this your case too? it certainly could be. i sense that your stress was figuring out what truly fulfills you and brings you satisfaction. what makes you feel like “you”. what ties you together and makes you feel “connected”. i think that rather than finding the perfect answer or an easy-fix, you have found something of even more value. the ability to keep moving forward and let go of the need to force an outcome, result, or solution. you’ve realized you are a human after all, and you can keep walking. even though your ego is saying you “walked away” from your goal / ideal, your heart is saying “this is what’s best for me.” you are releasing attachment. you are releasing stubbornness. you have nothing to prove, and now you are much more open. this is very, very good.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the beginning

well well well group two.. who the heck was stifling your energy. you found a perpetrator, i sense that. now you’re clear-headed. it’s like you know things. that sounds silly when i say it, like of course you know things. but you know some shit that generally takes decades to figure out. have you been learning something new and invigorating? some sort of information that you are receiving feels very good. i just heard the word “impending”. if you’re waiting for a response of some sort, it’s coming and positive results await you. also “pending.” you’re waiting for something to come/go through. you’ve been patient. this seems like a situation where you’ve already done your part, now you need the other party to respond. rest assured as divinely, this exchange which you are seeking will happen in a very .. i just heard “faithful” way. interesting. something about your loyalty being matched. finding something that gives to you as much as you give to it. do not fret! you are doing well and you will get what you deserve. actually, more than that. take lots of care of yourself during this time and your physical environment. this will welcome in many things worth celebrating and all in all, a kind of unforgettable & nonnegotiable abundance. something you wouldn’t trade for the world. your gratitude stems from truth and grounding. so feel free to step in that whenever you’d like — that gratitude-seeking attitude which can truly uplift your spirits! rest lots during this time, meditation, open-hearted reflection, heart chakra exercises, physical cleanliness. good good good energy!!!

thank you so much for being here! may your messages find you well. i send you a lot of love and light, bye bye! ^3^

𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓅 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒

hello and thank you for joining me here! in this reading we will cover an ending and a beginning that you are currently undergoing in your life. as always, use your intuition at your own discretion and release anything that doesn’t fit you as these are general readings. thank you, and may your messages find you well and offer you the clarity you seek!

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the ending

you are no longer going to be creating things just to feel productive. there was a pressure on you, internal, external, or both, that was not allowing you to create from a space of inspiration. you could’ve actually been trying to be better than someone else, prove yourself. or always trying to “do better, do more” within your own life. this is coming to an end, and it’s safe to say, Thank God. because i can feel the amount of sh1t that was weighing on you **pardon my language lol**. it seems heavy and overwhelming. just very hard. but it wasn’t all bad, i think this situation helped you follow your instincts better and get the hang of “acting on impulse”, something you may have previously had a lot of trouble with. this feels like my creative group, so i know that whatever it is you are working on, you use a lot of intuition and imagination with it. you are bringing that back without forcing it. you remembered, these are your natural gifts. there is no need to push them into existence. the less hard i am, the better what i create is. you straight up have the death card in here next to judgement so, rest assured that this is going to be over for good and be a “lesson” you won’t forget — meaning you will continue to apply all the knowledge you learned from this situation in the future. loonnnggg term. this is going to be very important in your life! especially relating to your aspirations.

❀⋆.ೃ࿔ the beginning

you are going to be honing your craft from an open perspective. a quiet curiousity. allowing life to help you. being okay with knowing “less” than others because you are aware that you can always learn more. especially you. you have a unique receptiveness to facts, tools, and “extra-skills” related to your craft. for example, in the past, you may have been stubborn to watch tutorial videos about making clothes because you wanted to do it all yourself and receiving input made you feel lesser and weak. i heard the word “failure” which is quite harsh and i want to reassure you that it is not weak to receive help. what you do with the tools and techniques you pick up from someone else’s guidance is all up to you and your soul. it’s more like receiving guidance becomes the ignition to your unique craft. it’s okay to accept it, let yourself be inspired. allow it to flow within you, all those emotions that come with it. let it activate. i’m thinking of a video-game. it’s like you can unlock new special items in your inventory once you enter a specific realm and talk to the wizard who gives you a potion and some new magic powers. although he gave you the powers, you are the one that chooses HOW to use them. that is where your creativity will surge. you are returning to the basics. and this is becoming a fresh quality addition to whatever you are hoping to create and manifest currently in your life. pay attention to the “page of pentacles” showing up in readings for you! he is urging you to see things through the eye of a willing-to-learn & inspired youngster. be okay with being the apprentice, it does not for one second mean that you are of lesser value. you are not a student to unlearn what you already know—you are a student to become more of yourself!

thank you so much for reading and i sincerely hope that this found you well. i wish you much luck and love on your journey. bye!~~ ❤️

[ladykailitha]

Heist AU

So I've been thinking about an Italian Job/Leverage-esque with hints of Ocean's 11 vibes.

So hear me out.

Steve is a conman who runs his own team of con artists doing jobs, mostly for profit, but also the occasional 'fuck the rich' type jobs.

The last job he did went bad and half the team quit because of it. So Steve swore to keep things simpler from now on. Just quick smash and grab jobs to keep the coffers from getting too low.

And the half of his team that stayed after the split are in college now, so it's just him and Robin anyway.

Then his grandmother dies. In her will she left Steve all her jewelry because she didn't want let her daughter get her hands on it. As some of the pieces are worth several million.

But all the jewelry vanished before the funeral and he knows it was his parents but he can't prove it.

Then his contact at the British Museum, Chrissy Cunningham, informs him that one of the pieces has shown up on display by an 'anonymous donor'. It's going to be part of a collection being 'loaned' to the museum.

Robin and Steve start plotting out how to get it back with just the two of them when the unthinkable happens. He gets word from his contact that they are moving the collection into storage for god knows how long at the end of the week and now they six days to pull off the biggest heist of their lives.

They bring in duo Jonathan and Nancy to replace Steve as the face (he doesn't want to be near it in case his parents are in town) and Lucas as their hitter. Lucas being part of the two that went to college.

But they need a techie and fast. Dustin is at MIT and can't risk getting caught and losing his scholarship.

"There's only one person better than Dustin," Robin says sliding up to him.

"No." Steve refuses to even engage with the idea.

"What choice have you got?" she reminds him.

"He'll say no," Steve insists.

"Not to me," she assures him. "Not about this."

Steve wants to believe her so he lets her try. All while trying to find a backup because he's sure Eddie will say no.

~

Eddie walks into his apartment and sighs. "How the fuck do you do that?" he curses. "And you better have not drank all my beer!"

Robin cocks her head to the side. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you. And of course I have touched your beer, I have taste."

Eddie chuckles pulling out a can of poor man's beer and popping it open.

"What can I say, it reminds me of home."

"We need your help on a job," she says coolly.

"Steve going to be involved?" he asks and flops on the sofa across from the chair was waiting for him in.

"Well, I wouldn't work with anyone else, soo..." she half shrugs.

"Then fuck off with whatever you have in mind," Eddie snarls. "I ain't going to be his bitch again."

"Jeff forgave him," she said, leaning on her knees. "Why can't you?"

"Jeff's a grown ass adult and can do whatever the fuck he wants," he snaps, sitting up. "But if it wasn't Steve's arrogance and sheer bullheadedness Jeff wouldn't have been anywhere near the bomb when it went off. He could have died, Robin!"

"And he hasn't done a job like it since," she bites back. "I know you're pissed. You have every right to be. But he doesn't want your help. He needs you help. This time it's personal."

Eddie sips the beer and scoffs. "How's that?"

So Robin tells him. "You're the only one capable of getting into the British Museum's security and you know it."

Eddie sighs and settles back into the cushions of the sofa. "All right, I'll do it but only because I've been itching to knock over that place for years and this as good an excuse as any."

~

But when the team gets together, Eddie is insanely jealous of Nancy as she appears to flirt with Steve and Robin starts to suspect something more going on.

She walks up to Steve while he's have a cigarette. "Tell me this job isn't about getting Eddie back as your boyfriend."

"It's not about that!"

She raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, it's not just about that," he amends. "I wasn't even sure he'd agree for starters, but yeah, if I can use this to get him back, to show him I've changed, I'd be a fool not to try. But mostly this is about my grandmother and her jewelry and how she wanted me to have them, not to be stuck in some vault never to be seen again."

~

The plan goes off, they get the jewelry and Steve gives each of them a piece as thank you.

For Eddie he picks out his grandfather's wedding band, a simple band of platinum and gold, with an engraving that says 'to my dearest love' on the inside.

"Steve..." Eddie whines. "You can't give this to me."

Steve shakes his head. "It was always going to be yours. I was going to propose after that heist."

Eddie looks up from the ring. "Oh Steve..."

"This isn't me begging for you to take me back," he pauses and cocks his head to the side, "though I absolutely would if I thought it would work. This is just me giving you something that I always intended to belong to you."

They kiss and make up.

And if they plan a heist around their wedding, with both teams in tow, well, that's just how they say 'I love you'.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Not Fair - Floyd

Author Notes: So, I've been sitting on this fic for a while, editing it here and there, and I have finally come to the conclusion that I'm never going to be satisfied so I'm just going to post it now so it will stop haunting me. Nonetheless, I do hope you all like this piece. I wrote this, and edited it, while listening to the song "Forever and Ever, Amen" by Josh Turner and Randy Travis. As per usual, As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Type: Gender-Neutral Reader/ sfw/ romance implied/ fluff/ mild flirtation

Word Count: 1760

Floyd was a difficult young man to describe. Words such as ‘wild’ and ‘free’ were accurate, but they were also putting it kindly at best. However, words such as ‘moody’ or ‘capricious’ were also accurate, but they often gave others a rather poor view of the young man that you found yourself spending more and more time with.

And though it was true that it was largely due to Floyd hanging around you that you kept interacting with him, it was also true that you had found yourself slowly growing more and more fond of him, though you sometimes wondered if the same could be said for him. Especially since getting a read on Floyd could be as difficult as divining what, exactly, was going on in Crowley’s head.

You really couldn’t blame your friends for worrying a bit about the fact that Floyd had been spending more and more time with you when you considered his rather… odd personality.

 After all, while Floyd was indeed laidback, he could also be quite sinister at times in ways that reminded you that he and his brother likely handled a fair bit of dirty work.

You twisted to the side to glance behind you at the young man in question, who was currently sauntering along behind you. His arms crossed behind his head as he looked off to the side at the horizon with a vaguely bored expression.

And the more you thought about it, the stranger it seemed that Floyd had started spending time with you. 

It had started after Azul’s overblot, and you’d assumed he’d been intrigued but that he’d soon drift away after getting bored. In fact, you’d even reassured Jack, in particular, that hanging around you probably just served as a way for Floyd to kill time.

But that hadn’t turned out to be the case.

Instead, Floyd continued to hang around, and rather than just killing time, he even made numerous and often startling attempts to get to know you better.

By now, you could easily state that he was a friend. Especially since he’d also shown that he could be quite protective of you if he saw you getting bothered. A fact that was touching, considering I’d honestly figured that Floyd just hung around as a means of staving off boredom.

“Shrimpy, look,” Your thoughts were interrupted by Floyd tapping you on the shoulder and then directing your attention off the side. 

Following the direction in which he pointed, you looked towards the horizon where the sun was slowly setting over the sea. The clouds had turned a soft pink hue that made them look like cotton candy as the sun slowly dipped lower and into the steady ebb and flow of the ocean.

“Me and Jade used to swim all the way up to the surface just to look at the sunset sometimes.” You continued to look towards the horizon as Floyd spoke, smiling to yourself at the thought of the two young mermen swimming all that way just to watch the sun set.

“We’d chat about all sorts of stuff, sometimes about what it was like on land… I was always sort of curious about that.” You twisted to look at Floyd as he finished, curious as he continued to stare out at the horizon.

It was odd, in many ways, for Floyd to reminisce in such a fashion, and a small part of you wondered if he was feeling nostalgic for simpler times.

 After all, it was something you could understand in a great many ways. 

There were plenty of times that you thought of your home and wondered about things while missing both it and the people you’d left behind. 

You had largely moved on, recognizing that it might be impossible for me to return home and that you needed to get used to life in Twisted Wonderland, but was it the same for Floyd? He could still return, and that simple fact might make homesickness worse.

But you didn’t question him about any of that. Instead, you smiled at him and tilted your head, “And? Is land everything you expected it to be?”

Floyd glanced down at you, blinking for a moment before a lopsided smile crept across his face and he bobbed his head, “I’d always figured it was just dusty up here, so….”

He trailed off, leaving you to draw my own conclusions, and you snorted at his words before turning to continue on your way to Ramshackle dorm. 

You could hear him strolling along just behind you, but your steps began to become more hesitant as I continued to truly ponder whether or not Floyd missed his life in the sea. 

You didn’t see how he couldn’t, but the thought of him leaving brought an odd sadness that told you that you’d let Floyd get far closer to you than you’d initially  realized.

Logically, you knew his leaving would be a long way off. It wouldn’t be until he graduated, at the very least. But the thought still made you oddly sad. Which was something that was surprising and might have been the reason that you spoke without even entirely meaning to. 

Your words were little more than a murmur as your steps slowed, “Do you miss living under the sea?”

In no way had you meant to actually voice such thoughts, and you almost froze up when you realized that you had spoken aloud. But at least your words had been quiet, and when Floyd didn’t immediately respond, you relaxed. Assuming he hadn’t heard me.

But then he spoke in a nonchalant tone that was somehow surprising, even though it was very characteristic of Floyd, “It used to be worse when we first came here. But it’s gotten better recently.” 

Your eyes widened at his words, and you found myself turning to see Floyd looking off towards the horizon once more. 

He tilted his head, though. His mismatched eyes sliding back towards you in an amused fashion that told you he was waiting.

And in some ways, a petulant part of you didn’t want to say anything else since he’d made it quite clear that he knew you did have something you wanted to say. But you found yourself crossing your arms as you spoke once more, “What changed?”

Floyd grinned, his amusement coming through fully now as he leaned forward. His hands shoved their way into his pockets as he peered a little closer at you. Almost like he was looking forward to seeing your reaction to whatever he was about to say.

“Ya’ forget stuff as you get older Shrimpy, and I’ve been forgetting about missing home more and more,” Floyd paused, looking at you almost expectantly before he giggled and grabbed your hands. Swinging them between us in a playful way that had you looking up at him in utter confusion.

His words made sense, considering you were in a similar position. Growing more used to living here and missing my home less and less. But his playful, almost giddy actions were confusing.

“You aren’t fair, Shrimpy~ Replacing my homesickness with your presence.” His words caused your eyes to go wide as you froze. Unsure of what to say in response to such an assertion.

You realized, of course, that he was teasing you, but you also couldn’t let go of the large part of you that was incredibly flustered by his words.

You recovered slowly, though, as Floyd snickered at you and you tugged your hands out of his. “That’s not fair, Floyd. You shouldn’t say stuff like that,” You glanced away from him, finding yourself looking anywhere but his grinning face.

“Even if it’s true?” His tone had a distinct lilt to it, but it had you turning to look at him in surprise once more, only to see him smiling calmly at you.

And right now, in this instant, Floyd only looked gentle. Not teasing, moody, or even wild. But you were fairly sure that was one of the reasons you had been letting Floyd get gradually closer to you until you were feeling more and more affection for him. 

You’d realized quite some time ago that Floyd wasn’t just moody. It was true that he was incredibly moody, wild, and free, but he was also gentle and, surprisingly enough, honest. It was true that his honesty typically came in the form of almost painful bluntness, but Floyd wasn’t one to lie.

If Jade was highly likely to lie, then Floyd was highly likely to be truthful. Not to say that Jade couldn’t be honest or that Floyd couldn’t lie. It was just that both of them had their usual methods.

Perhaps it was his way of coping with growing up alongside Jade, who was a flawless liar, and perhaps Floyd just felt that lying served little purpose when the truth could hurt just as much. But either way, Floyd was probably the most truthful of the Octatrio. 

And that was what made his words so alarming. The realization that he wasn’t just teasing you right now. 

While he was definitely picking on you, he was also being honest. And that…. That was startling.

“Floyd….” You even sounded like you were at a loss. Not knowing how to feel.

 And in response to your confused emotions, Floyd smiled. A picture of amusement as he leaned towards you, “I like you, Shrimpy. You’re fun and unpredictable, and I expect to continue liking you forever. Even if you aren’t fair~” 

You fought to find words as he looked at you even as he sauntered on by you. A grin on his face that said he knew exactly what he was doing and found it incredibly amusing. 

But that was another thing about Floyd. As honest as he was and as gentle as he could be he also did take great delight in toying with people.

This was the careful road that you’d been walking with Floyd and you had already found yourself slipping gradually closer to him even though you knew perfectly well of the risks even without your friend’s concerns. 

But then who at this school was without risks?

So you trotted after him, bumping into him slightly as you did my best to match his pace and walk side by side with him, “Promise?”

You grinned at him, feeling oddly giddy and earning yourself a grin that matched mine as Floyd looked at me and leaned just a touch closer with glimmering eyes just before he winked playfully and made an idle slashing motion at his chest with one finger, “Cross my heart.”

[avocadorablepirate]

Beneath The Surface - 1

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x fem!reader

Summary: When memories, buried deep within your sea of emotions, resurface, you’re left to question what lies beneath the surface. Did he truly mean to leave you behind, or was there something more to his silence than you ever understood?

Word Count: 1.2K

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of death, mild gore, OP spoilers, this story follows the Dressrosa arc

prologue | masterlist | next

So I haven’t properly proofread this chapter…been a bit sick this past week, but I was determined to post this part today. It’s not terrible though 🤔…I think.

You had locked yourself up in your room, claiming to be unwell. The truth was simpler: your mind had been plagued by memories you thought you had buried. Memories of him. The boy who once soothed your pain had become the man responsible for it.

He left me behind.

That thought replayed in your head, each repetition sinking deeper into your chest. Just the image of his face brought a sickening churn of emotions — hurt, betrayal, anger, and a flicker of something you refused to name.

The soft knock on your door was what finally drew your attention away from your thoughts. On the other side of the door stood Viola, a small but gentle smile on her face when she found you sprawled on your bed.

“I heard you were feeling sick, everything okay?” she asked, as she made her way further into your bedroom.

“Yeah, nothing a good day’s rest won’t cure,” you responded, and her lips immediately contorted into a frown.

“Then you’re not going to be too happy about this.” Her voice softened, tinged with regret. “Doflamingo needs you.”

You sighed, pushing yourself up into a sitting position. Of course he needs me. You didn’t know why you ever thought you’d be able to get a day to yourself, it had rarely occurred before.

“Of course he does,” you muttered under your breath, setting aside the book you had been pretending to read.

Viola gave you a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. If it were up to me, I'd let you rest."

You forced a smile, appreciating her kindness. "It's okay. Thanks, Viola."

She nodded, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before leaving the room. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself for whatever Doflamingo had in store.

The walk to his room felt long and unpleasant as always. The entire palace always made you uncomfortable, its grandeur a stark contrast to the simpler, slightly happier times of your childhood. It was also a reminder of the life you once lived alongside your parents, and without him to console you over those memories, it only brought more pain.

But it hadn’t always been like this. You remember when you first moved in, though a palace, it had a comforting and almost cozy feel to it. However, Doflamingo had made drastic changes, his reason being that the Donquixote family should live in a place that befitted them.

You had tried to get him to let you live outside the palace, the discomfort it brought had been too much at first. But Doflamingo insisted that the entire Donquixote family stay within the palace walls. And that’s why you had tried to make your own room as comfortable as possible. However, that had done little to help. With how often Doflamingo made you run around doing errands for him, or insisted that he watch over you, there was barely any time to relax.

As you gave a soft knock against the heavy wooden doors to let Doflamingo know you had arrived, you pushed it open to find him standing by the window, his back turned to you as you entered.

“You summoned me, Doffy?" you called out, as you slowly made your way towards him, the atmosphere of the room always making you feel uneasy. It was as if the room itself embodied his very being - intimidating and frightening.

He turned on hearing your voice, a smile plastered on his face. "Ah, my little Rose there you are. Feeling better, I hope?"

You nodded, knowing the question was nothing more than a pleasantry. "What do you need?"

His smile widened, and an eerie chill ran down your spine. "I have a special task for you. I need you to retrieve someone for me."

You frowned, confused by his unforeseen happiness. You had heard there was an incident at Punk Hazard, and although you didn’t know the details, you knew Doflamingo had been beyond enraged. It was another reason why you had chosen to stay in your room, to avoid his temper. So, his uncharacteristic cheerfulness almost baffled you.

“Who?” you questioned, although you had an inkling of who it might be.

“Caesar,” he said simply, his tone light but his eyes watching your reaction closely. “I’m sure you’ve heard, there’s been some...issues. I want you to bring him back from Greenbit."

A wave of confusion hit you once again. “Why me?”

It wasn’t like him to send you on retrieval missions. While you had been privy to fights and conflicts, you had never been a fan of them, and Doflamingo knew this. It was why you mainly ran around doing tasks within the palace. He had called it “protection,” but you had always suspected he thought you too soft-hearted for the darker work.

It had happened before, when you were younger and out on a mission. He had nearly lost you then, and he wouldn’t have it happen again.

“I’ve decided you need to be involved in these matters as well. You can’t be the only one who doesn’t get involved, it’s not fair to you. ” A cold knot of dread formed in your stomach when you saw Doflamingo's eyes glint dangerously. You had thought that you would be able to stay away from such tasks given your temperament, but that had clearly changed.

“But why now?” you asked, and you could feel your heart rate pick up when Doflamingo gave you an almost sinister smile.

“We’re short on people. The pirates who attacked Punk Hazard killed Vergo and Monet, so we need as much backup as we can get. Plus, the others think you need to start doing your bit,” he said, almost nonchalantly, as if the death of his comrades didn’t bother him at all. But you brushed it off, subconsciously convincing yourself it was his way of dealing with grief. “And I think this would be the perfect opportunity to test you Rosie.”

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the task ahead. You had always known that the latest additions to the Donquixote family - all but Viola - did not like the almost favouritism that Doflamingo showed - always tasking you with the simpler jobs. This was your chance to prove your worth, and finally get them off your case. Besides, what harm would come from a simple retrieval mission?

"Alright, Doffy. I’ll bring Caesar back."

He smiled, a satisfied gleam in his eyes, almost akin to a predator satisfied with its prey. "Good. And remember, I expect nothing less than success."

As you stepped out into the hall, your resolve wavered slightly, the enormity of the task ahead settling in.

So caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t notice that someone had walked by you into the room. The shutting of the door is what finally drew you out of your brooding and you briefly glanced back, the voices within the room, a stark reminder of the life you had chosen.

You shook off the unease and focused on the task at hand. Whatever doubts you had, you pushed them aside. There was no room for weakness. You had a mission to complete, and you would do it with all the strength you could muster. For the town you now called home and the people you called family.

As you walked away, the voices in the room grew distant, and you missed out on listening in on a conversation that would have likely saved you from your impending misfortune.

“Doffy why are you sending her to retrieve Caesar?”

Despite his recent setback, another sinister smile spread across Doflamingo’s face. “It’s about time I test her abilities. And who better than Law to be the test subject?”

—————

Part 1 done! I feel like I may have included some unnecessary bits here and there, but oh well. I hope you liked it. Let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist.

taglist: @riftmage27

[queers-gambit]

Now and at the Hour of His Death

prompt: any who say, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," were never loved by him.

pairing: Osferth x female!pregnant!wife!reader

fandom: The Last Kingdom

word count: 6.1k+

note: fuck you, Netflix.

warnings: you already know - author needs therapy, projects hard, pregnant wife, Lord’s name in vain, Christianity (obviously), and a fuck ton of fucking ANGST because fuck your feelings. hurt NO comfort, drama, oneshot, cursing, canon-typical violence, injury, and blood. character death and spoilers - yeah, i'm giving you THAT scene. requires maturity and caution. good luck.

also please note: NO, i do not age Osferth to be 16 - that's just a reference age for when he eventually runs away from the monastery.

again, you are missing nothing if this upsets or triggers you and you choose to skip. value your wellbeing, my angels. author is not responsible for the media YOU choose consume, but still, as usual, MDNI

"You should not be doing this sort of work," Ingrith's voice scolded you, and when you turned, you saw the blonde woman standing with her hip cocked and a stern expression. "It's bad for your health to be in such filth, we've stable boys for this sort of chore."

"I do not mind," you sniffled in the brisk air, shoveling the horse shit of the stable into a muck bucket to be dumped into the fields later. "It keeps me busy," you grunted lightly, sure to bend your knees when lifting the pitchfork, "keeps me humble," you listed, dumping the waste to grin at your friend, "and keeps me young."

"In what way?"

"Reminds me of my childhood," you eased, continuing your work. "I slept in a stable from the ages of 4 to... Oh, shit, I guess I was about 16 before I left The Loft."

"What?" She breathed in confusion. "Never knew that."

"Yeah, yeah, true story," you beamed at her, still shoveling shit. "I slept in the stalls with the horses, sometimes in the grain rooms - basically anywhere I could since my work didn't include official room and board, so, I had to make do with what was available. Then, one day when I was about ten, Old Man Rivers said I could use the hay loft if I cleared it out, fixed the rotten planks. Stayed up there till I was about 16, and after that, I kinda ran away."

"Old Man Rivers?"

You nodded, "My mother lived on his homestead, but she was real sick, you see. So, he kinda took me in without assuming responsibility for me," you cleared your throat, shrugging, "let me stay in his barn if I worked with the horses and livestock for him."

"Why would you want to be reminded of that?"

"Seems simpler when I look back."

Ingrith sighed, "C'mon, put the pitchfork down. Come help me prepare the rabbits. The scouts say the men aren't too far off, they'll want a hot meal."

You chuckled with ease and set your pitchfork aside, giving a hearty pat to one of the horse's necks as you passed by to exit the stable. Ingrith made sure you washed up before you were both mounting rabbits on the rack to start skinning them.

"Could I ask something?" She wondered after a time.

"Anything you'd like."

"Why'd you run away? From Old Man Rivers?"

You laughed, "I was in love."

"Oh, you and Baby Monk go that far back, huh?"

"Try even farther," you teased. "Our mothers were friends, and when I worked in the stable, he was in the monastery, but when he came to me, saying he couldn't do it any longer, I couldn't let him go alone. Life was supposed to offer more than what we were given, so, we set out to find the legendary barbarian, The Dane Slayer," you teased, both giggling, "our Lord, the legendary, Uhtred of Bebbanburg."

"And all this time...?" She smiled, watching you shuck hide like you've done it your whole life. Ingrith inferred you probably did.

"Yeah," you eased, "all this time, he's been by my side. Kept me close, never left me behind. The others weren't too sure about me on account of being a woman, they told us to piss off a few times - but they came around after Osferth refused to send me away."

"He's a good lad, Osferth," she nodded.

"Arguably one of the best ones," you agreed, nudging her arm gently, "but look who I'm telling, right?"

"Oh!" She giggled, swatting at you loosely before going back to your work for a moment. Suddenly, the townspeople of Rumcofa stirred to life, and over the voices, you heard them announcing their Lord's return - which meant all of your men were home. You both grinned and breathlessly left your post, Ingrith pausing a young lad to ask, "How many return to us?"

"Does it matter? Come, c'mon, let us see ourselves!" You all but squealed, overwhelmed with excitment; eager for your own reunion with the man you've loved since you were a young lass.

"Warn the alehouse!" Finan was heard shouting. "Osferth's thirsty!"

"Jesus," you laughed, dodging around the procession of people waiting to greet their warriors on their return home so you could approach the white gelding your husband rode.

His face was absolutely priceless when he caught sight of you. As Osferth eagerly dismounted, your hands smoothed over the small swell of your belly - purposefully wearing a dress that accentuated your ever-changing figure. "Am I dreaming?" He laughed, a stablehand taking hold of his horse so his hands were free to caress your belly. "Oh, my God, I'm not, 's real, oh, God," he beamed, laughing with you. "You're pregnant? Truly? Yes? I-I am not - I am not being deceived?"

"No, my love, I guess our prayers were finally heard."

"OH-HOOOO!" You heard Finan holler as Osferth finally pulled you in for a sweet kiss; both ignoring the Irishman. "Lord! LORD! Uhtred! Hey! Did you hear!? Baby Monk's got some spunk in 'im afta all!"

"Oh, God," you laughed against Osferth's lips, but he was quick to shush you with another breath-stealing kiss.

"A baby Baby Monk! AHA!" Finan was still laughing, your husband's hands caressing both your cheeks when he pulled back just in time for Finan to descend. You grunted lightly when his heavy arms dropped over both yours and Osferth's shoulders, his laugh still booming as he gave a squeeze and cooed, "Oh, congratulations, yah two love birds! Wasn't sure you had it innyah, boy!"

"Don't be so rough with her, Finan, for God's sake," Osferth scolded, nudging his friend to get out from under his arm.

"What?" Finan looked at you gobsmacked. "Sayin' I gotta treat yah different now or somethin'?"

"I didn't say that," you told him prettily with fluttering lashes, fist quickly balling up to jab him in the weak spot of his armor - making him grunt and wheeze. "Aht-aht!" You warned with a pointed finger when he flinched as if to retaliate, "Can't hit a pregnant woman."

"Oh, yeh li'l shite," Finan laughed, Osferth pushing him towards his wife so he could stand in front of you and command all attention.

Osferth took a moment to simply look at you; thumbs gently tracing over your cheeks in sweeping motions, a slow grin breaking across his lips. "This almost doesn't feel real... But how I have to praise God for this blessing. A baby," he breathed.

"A little you and me," you agreed softly. "Sound okay to you?"

"More than okay," he chuckled, pecking your lips, "sounds like a lifetime together."

"Good by me." His nose nuzzled up yours, the sweet moment broken when he sighed sadly; eyes shut and smile dropping. "What is it? What's wrong, love?" You asked, stepping into his embrace so you were nuzzled into his neck and his arms were wrapped around your form in a vice.

"Uhtred means to move us again," he whispered in your ear. "Brida, she... She's got Father Pyrlig, and - "

"What!?" You snapped, rearing back slightly to pin him under your hardened glare. Pregnancy hormones would surely give Osferth whiplash.

"My love, I did not - "

"Brida's got Pyrlig? Fuck are we standin' here for, let's go!" You reached for his hand, ready to march off.

"Uh, no, no, no, no," he pulled you back to him; anchoring his hands on your hips so you could not escape. "You are not going anywhere. Not now - especially now," he glanced at your still-growing bump. "The men will go, you know we will return, but you have this new responsibility, and that's keeping this little one safe. For us," he smiled at you.

You huffed, "I'm not unfit to do what needs done, Osferth."

"I did not say you were unfit, but look at the timing of it," he frowned. "I should've been here when you learned, but I was not, and I am truly so sorry for it. Look, I do not know how long this venture will be, but you know I will return. We've waited for our family for far too long, I will not jeopardize this - so I will return. If you go with us, and something were to happen," he shook his head, "my angel, I would never forgive myself. So I need you to stay here, stay safe, if for nothing else but for me."

"But Pyrlig - "

"Will be saved," he assured.

"And Brida - "

"Will be dealt with," he eased, chuckling lightly. "My angel, you worry too much about everyone and yet never about yourself."

You pouted, "Well, why is it just me meant to stay back? This is your child, too, Osferth, and should have the right to meet them! You can't always control what happens, accidents are real, what if you don't return - "

"Don't think like that - "

"But it's a real threat to us - "

He agreed, "Of course, but - "

"Yeah, I know," you nodded, cutting him off, "we serve Lord Uhtred. This comes first, and I'm not - "

"I've made a vow to him."

"You made one to me, too, you know."

"Angel, please, don't do this. Do not ask me to choose," he begged with a frown, and you caved.

So, with a sigh, you nuzzled into his embrace and relented, "All right, yes, fine, go after Brida and Pyrlig. And when you find them, tell him I am waiting for his safe return, he is dearly missed. Ideally, I'd have him birth our child."

"Of course," he breathed, finding a small reprieve of relief that you did not fight him further about leaving - about choosing which vow to fulfill: the one to his Lord Uhtred or the one to his wife.

Both made to God.

Luckily, Osferth married his best friend and you were never one to pick fights with him. You liked the harmony you had; the peaceful environment you had both cultivated to preserve the trust and love you built through the years. He was genuinely one of a kind; a man who walked many lines between faith, humanity, right, wrong. He was the voice of reason, constantly striving to do better than he did before, learning all he could as if a rag soaking in water. For all he was, Osferth has always been enough for you, and for that reason alone, you never felt the need to argue.

To fight. To voice contempt.

"Question," you perked up, smirking at him as your pregnancy symptoms ran a little wild, "think we've time to, you know, really give our thanks?"

"Angel - "

"What?" You grinned. "You fucked me on the alter all those weeks ago and look - your seed stuck. We might as well go give thanks in the same manner, just to really show God how thankful we are for this blessing he's given us."

"Think the Devil's gotten into you," he laughed.

"Or your child is ruining my hormones," you countered, his lips meeting yours in another passionate display of his excitement.

"C'mon," he whispered, taking your hand, and leading you to the chapel - thinking you were being sneaky, but your matching giggles made Ingrith and Finan beam at each other.

"He does know she can't get more pregnant, right?" Finan teased, flinching when Ingrith smacked his upper arm.

"WHY!?"

"My angel, please - "

"What the fuck is going on, Osferth!?"

"I'm trying to explain - "

"The Queen? The fucking Queen is dead in our village! How can that possibly be explained!?" When Osferth didn't answer, just sat in the wooden chair before the shared hearth of your humble home, you snapped, "Well!?"

"Are you finished? May I speak now?"

With a huff, you nodded and gestured for him to speak; arms crossing around your swollen tits. He explained to you the reason for Haesten's arrival, the wagon his men toted, and why he brought the Queen's dead body to the settlement of Rumcofa. He told you Haesten wanted to keep the peace when King Edward found out, claiming Uhtred's son-in-law, Stiorra's husband, Sigtryggr, had ordered this death - thinking war would surely roll over his lands.

You never knew Haesten to be a generous man, nor much of an honest one, but it seemed the severity of the situation made everyone eerily on-edge. Uhtred dispatched his men; leaving Finan and Osferth in the village with you, developing a plan that would save both Saxon and Danish life. And yet, it was all futile when evil forces worked against good.

You didn't feel safe in Rumcofa anymore, there was a stench in the air; tension that mounted to embrace all residents with discomfort. Something was about to happen, but nobody knew what. You didn't claim or pretend to know what was happening, but Haesten's abrupt appearance spelled danger for everyone involved. So, as a security measure, you kept a long sword buckled around your swelling waist and a dagger strapped under your skirts. With Lord Uhtred gone, there was no invisible fence protecting Rumcofa - leaving it up to you, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf to pose as guard.

Yet you'd never be enough.

Like the surf over sand, a group of angered men descended on Rumcofa. "Who's men are yah?" Finan asked, you lingering at Osferth's side to watch the interaction from a short distance.

"We come from the King," a burly Saxon replied, your head cocking in interest - swearing you've seen him before. "Dane murderers are hiding here and you must hand them over."

"You're mistaken, sir," you kindly offered, the man's eyes shifting over you, "because we live in peace. Any murderers have surely moved on from here. We do not host them."

The man growled, "Don't think that's true, love."

Finan held a hand back at you, meeting your eyes and nodding simply. He turned back for the man in fur, diverting, "Of course, my men will attend to it."

Finan turned from the group, his eyes connecting with yours as he passed by. There was urgency, a quickened pace he adopted; having no intention to hand anyone over, wanting to remove these men without bloodshed. However, that was a distant thought because Father Benedict tried to assure the Saxon leader that nobody in Rumcofa would murder Queen Aelflaed.

You wanted to step in when the Saxon evidently didn't know about the Queen's demise - getting in Benedict's face and demanding to see what he spoke of.

"No, no, no," you muttered nervously, "he can't see the body, love, no, no, no, this is bad. Very bad."

"We can't stop Father Benedict without altercation," Osferth whispered back, keeping a tight hold of your hand, just watching the group. "If something happens, you need to get yourself safe."

"How do we truly know they're from Edward? What credentials do they have?" When Osferth shook his head, you worried, "Got a bad feeling 'bout this, angel."

Then the violence began.

The strange men took charge when their leader walked away, starting to physically harass the citizens; making both you and Osferth step in to try and diffuse the tension. You pushed men off unarmed women, got in between them and the children, did what you could without drawing a weapon.

When a man shoved you away from him, Finan wrangled him away, sneering, "Get yer hands off of her!" He kept the violent men at bay for a moment, telling you, "You need to go, darling - "

"Not now, Fin, look around us! We need to contain the situation, you'll need all hands you can get," You snapped, the two of you forced to part way.

Osferth panted nervously and looked left and right, turning to meet the Saxon and demand, "Tell your men to stand down!" But then, his eyes squinted when you joined his side to pull him back a step or two, recognizing him just as you did.

"I don't think they're here for the Queen, love," you heaved for breath in warning, still backing him up. "They've planned this."

"Finan!" Osferth barked, "These men have been here before!"

The Saxon roared over the fray, "Danes of Rumcofa have murdered our Queen!" His men jeered in anger, making Finan brandish both swords and for Osferth to push you back further from the attention. "Do your duty and rid the cockles from the wheat!"

You were left no choice. Osferth and you both armed yourselves, starting to fight off the Saxons as their leader demanded Danes and Christians be separated. You were unable to help, engaged in battle, but Young Uhtred gathered the Danes and begged Father Benedict to declare the church a sanctuary - thinking it would save lives.

It was only leading the Danes to slaughter.

The Saxon, Bresal, punched Father Benedict when he tried to stand in the way; his men holding Young Uhtred in the doorway to let their men enter the church the Danes were gathered in. They forced Young Uhtred to watch the massacre - men, women, and Danish children all slaughtered with no escape. No hope. No answer to a single prayer. Nobody to stop this bloody situation.

You fought on, Osferth, Finan, and Cynleaf doing their best to protect you by keeping you in the middle of their wee group. But you still got plenty of action.

"This is madness!" You cried out, slicing a man's throat open. "We need aid! We need more men!"

"This way!" Finan encouraged, "We must cut a path for Ingrith! Check the docks! Check the docks!"

You and Osferth ran towards the water, Cynleaf not far away. You searched for Ingrith, but you had no time to linger; engaged one-on-one again, forced to protect yourself and unborn baby. Not a minute later, you saw Ingrith on horseback, being stalled by a Saxon and for your husband to rush to her aid. He punched the man away from the horse, you hacking at another enemy, in time to see Osferth engaging with two Saxons - one being the leader, Bresal.

It all happened so fast.

You were already racing towards them when the unexpected. Osferth was battling on two fronts, holding Bresal at bay, fending off the other Saxon, screaming for Ingrith, who only managed a few paces before the Saxon's dogs spooked her horse. The noise was deafening; people screaming, crying, dogs barking, horses whinnying, swords singing as they clashed.

You watched it happen in slow motion.

You sprinted faster than ever before.

"INGRITH!" Osferth bellowed in worry when her horse reared back and dropped her to the dirt. It left an opening for Bresal to stab his dagger into Osferth's lung - freezing time and wrecking your world.

"NO!" You screamed, Bresal smirking at you and yanking his dagger free. Osferth wobbled, eyes wide as he met yours, the Saxon walking away as Osferth dropped to his knees. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, God, no, no, you can't take him - not yet! Please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no," You repeated, sliding on your knees in the dirt to catch him. "No, no, oh, my God, no, Osferth, no, please! Not now, not now, please, no, God, no! Don't do this! Please, please, please," you rambled, readjusting to better hold him, hearing Cynleaf and Finan yell for Baby Monk, too. You raged at God, "You can't take him yet! You can't have him! He's mine!"

But you heard nothing except your husband's labored breathing.

"An-Angel, angel, my angel," Osferth choked, wheezing and crying as he couldn't hold himself up and completely slumped back into your body. He pawed at your arms in an attempt to get closer.

"No, no, no, you're all right, you're okay, you're okay, my sweet love, you're all right," you insisted, hands stained in his blood as it poured from his wound. You knew it was essential to add pressure to a wound, but also, that this was all futile. Yet you needed to try. "Hey, hey, hey, look at me, just look at me, sweetheart, please, only look at me, nothing else matters," you pleaded with him in a rush, the lads sprinting to where you held your husband to your lap.

Nobody interrupted you.

"Where's the wound?" Osferth sobbed, trembling, blood spurting from his mouth; going paler by the minute. "Angel, please, the wound? Where's the wound?"

"No, no, no, don't worry 'bout that, hey? Don't you worry, you just keep looking at me," you sobbed, holding his neck and cradling him to your swollen belly. "Just at me, my love, okay? Just look at me - don't look anywhere else, okay? Nothing else matters."

"H-How bad? How ba-ba-bad-bad is i-it?"

"You're going to be all right," you lied to Osferth for the first time.

"Oh, my God, oh, my God," Osferth repeated through his tears and fears, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die."

He held onto you desperately, sobbing, you slowly rocking. "No, you're all right, Osferth, it's okay, just look at me." You caressed his cheek, smearing blood, but locking eyes. "My love," you whispered, "listen to me - "

"I don't wanna die, please, please, angel, my love, please," he coughed, holding your arm tightly as if it would give him life. "Don't let me die," he wheezed, "don't let me die, my love, please, please. Don't let me die, I don't wanna die. I-I wanna meet our baby, please, I want to meet our baby, I want to be a father. Don't let me die, love, please, I-I wanna be your husband longer - "

"You'll never not be my husband and you'll never not be a father, hear me?" You sniffled, trying to smile at him. "Don't you worry, you're gonna be okay, you're okay, Osferth. You'll always be my husband, nothing will change that - I swear."

Blood pumped with each beat of his frantic heart, making it gush over your fingers. You didn't even feel it.

"Please," he choked, more blood bubbling from his lips, "don't let me die, I don't wanna die. Don't let me die, please, not now, not when our baby isn't here yet, please, I just wanna meet 'em, be a family, I wanna stay with you, don't let me go. Please, don't let me go, I don't want t'go! Don't let me - "

"Shh, it's okay, you're okay. I'm here with you. I'm right here, Osferth, you're not alone, you're never alone. I'm here. I've got you. I'll always have you, I won't ever let you go. Never."

He sobbed harder. "I don't wanna leave you. Please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be without you - " But the words choked him, a splatter spraying across your face when he coughed; you didn't even flinch.

"Listen to me," you begged, "I commend you, my dear, sweet husband, to Almighty God, and entrust you to your Creator."

Finan was heard behind you, retching jarring sobs as you read Osferth his death rite prayer. "Don't let me die," Osferth begged still, as if you held that power.

He had always looked at you as if you hung the sun and stars, and now, as if you were his very reason for living. You hated God in that moment for forcing you two through this.

"May you return to Him who formed you from the dust of the earth. May Holy Mary, the angels," now, you choked on your words, emotion clawing your throat, but still continued, "and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you bring you freedom and peace." You sobbed, "May Christ who died for you admit you into His garden of paradise. May Christ, the true Shepherd, acknowledge you as one of His flock. May He forgive all your sins, and set you among those He has chosen. Amen. Please, please, say amen, Osferth, say it, please!"

"A-Amen - Amen!" He coughed, trying to get closer to you, nestling into your warmth as he felt impossibly cold. "Don't leave me, don't leave me, please, please, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna be alone. I can't go without you, please, don't let me go - don't let me die, angel, please, I can't go without you. I-I’ve never been without you my whole life, I don’t wish to start now. I love you. I-I love you, please, don't let me go, I love you. I need you."

"You'll never be without me," you promised, face coated in blood, grime, dirt, and ash; all streaked with your tear tracks. "You will always be my husband, hey? Hear me? You're always gonna be with me, I will never be apart from you. I'll love you forever, Osferth, I won't ever stop." You felt your chest cave in as you sobbed, "Please, don't you leave me - "

But Osferth was wheezing and panting, only staring up at you. "I only need you," he whimpered, "I've only ever needed you, I can't do this without you. Please, I can't - I can't go without you. I don't want to leave you, I can't leave you, please!'

"So don't leave me," you sobbed, him still clawing at you in desperation. "I love you more than life, Osferth, please, don't leave me, okay? Don't go. I love you so much. Being loved by you was my greatest pleasure in this life, I want our child to know your love, too, Osferth, please, don't go."

"I-I wanna meet our baby, I wanna hold 'em, love 'em," he repeated. "Please, this can't be the end, don't let this be the end. W-We have so much more - we were supposed to have eternity together, my love, my angel, please! This isn't the end, I can't - I can't go without you!"

"You're okay," you soothed uselessly, rocking more prominently. "Just stay with me, my love, okay? Stay with me. Don't go. Only look at me, all right? You hear me?" You sniffled, caressing his cheek. "You're the best thing in my life, Osferth, yeah? Understand me? Where you're going, y-you'll be welcomed a hero, with open arms. You'll be my own angel. My real angel. The reason I keep going for our child. An-And you'll stay there just for a little while until I join you, okay? You'll watch over us, me and the baby, right? Our own angel? Hey? 'Cause you'll never be part from us - you'll never be apart from me. You and I are a forever sorta thing, we'll never be apart, we'll always be part of each other no matter what."

Osferth lost his words, eyes widening and pulling you closer.

You just soothed, "I'm here with you, my love. I'm here, I've got you. You're not alone, I'm right here, I have you. I've got you. I love you. I love you so fucking much, Osferth, okay? I love you more than anything, you're my everything. I love you," you sniffled, breaking down in worse sobs, repeating, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't faster, I love you, this shouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry, I should've come faster! I love you, I'm so sorry."

With his last breath, Osferth choked, "L-Love y-y-you."

"I love you," you hushed, bending at the waist to rest your forehead on his, "I love you so much. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be all right, you'll be safe - where you're going, you'll be safe. I'm so sorry, my love... I'm so sorry."

You felt him go still. You felt the last of his breath exhale, his body deflate. You felt his soul detach from his body.

You froze.

"Oh, my God," you breathed, pulling back to look down at his petrified features. "Oh, my God, no, no, no. God, please, please, give him back," you sobbed, "give him back to me! Do not take him! It's not his time, you selfish cunt! Give him back! It wasn't supposed to end like this! Give him back to me, please! Please! This isn't how this was supposed to happen! We promised eternity together, please! Let us have that! Let us be together, give him back to me! I need him!"

Your shrill hysterics were heard all over Rumcofa.

Finan sobbed into his wife's arms behind you, Cynleaf knelt to slowly extend his hand onto your shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he offered, but you pushed him away harshly; knocking him into the dirt.

"No! I don't want your fucking condolences!" You snapped, holding Osferth tighter, "I want my husband! I want my husband back! Can you give him to me? Can you, Cynleaf? Can you give him back to me!?"

"No - "

"Then you have nothing to offer me! I want nothing else, nothing from you! I only want him!" You looked away from the young lad, finding Osferth's wide open eyes staring up at you. You whimpered, "I only need him, so, please. Please, give him back to me. Please. I need him, I need him, I can't do this without him, please, God, don't do this. You take so many lives, why add him to the mix!? Give him back! C'mon," you begged the cooling body, "c'mon, love, get up. Get up for me, please, just wake up. Come back to me, get up... Get up, Osferth, get up! Please! WAKE UP!"

But Osferth never moved. Never blinked. Never drew breath. And God never answered your pleas. Your dress was saturated in your husband's blood; a pooling puddle seeping into your knees, bodice drenched, his baby moving in your belly. You wailed into the still air, holding your husband tight to your chest; mouth agape to release the terrible screams of anguish, tears never ending, rocking on your knees. You didn't know what to feel... But devastation was prominent.

You wept until your throat went raw, jaw tender from your open mouth. "I'm so sorry!" You repeated, "I should've been quicker! I should've been at your side! You shouldn't have been alone! This is my fault! This is all my fault, I shouldn't have been away from you. I should've been with you, you did not deserve this end. Please! Forgive me, wherever you are, forgive me, I did not intend for this, I shouldn't have left you, I should've been at your side, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"No," Ingrith whispered, "no, do not say this is your fault, you did nothing - "

"Exactly!" You snapped at her, eyes ablaze, her husband silent. "I did nothing, I wasn't with him! I wasn't where I was supposed to be! And he was stabbed because of you!"

Finan whispered your name in reprimand.

"No! How many times have you rode a fucking horse, Ingrith!? And now, today, the time it truly matters, you fall; you posed distraction," you sobbed, crumpling in on yourself. "He was distracted by your fall... This shouldn't've happened, this is all wrong!"

The trio just watched you, knowing your emotions were raw and unwavering, that your words did not have meaning because your husband had just died in your arms. Hours passed, you did not move. Hours passed, your husband did not return. Hours passed, and your heart shattered with each passing breath you selfishly drew.

Because living felt selfish now without Osferth.

"Sweet one," Finan whispered, the sun setting, "we should move him. Bring him to the church so Benedict can pray."

Your head shook, "No."

"Darlin', we have to - "

"No," you whimpered, "because if you take him to Benedict, it's real. If we move, he's truly gone... He can't be gone, Finan," you sobbed, meeting your friend's eyes. "If you move him, he's gone, I'm not ready to say goodbye, please. Please, don't take him from me."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, "but he should be laid to rest."

"Don't take him from me," you begged, a new wave of tears starting. "I just - we were supposed to be a family. We were supposed to have this baby, and now, it's just me? This cannot be, so please, don't take him from me, I only need him back. Give him back to me, Finan, please, I can't be without him."

"I know," he nodded, gently encouraging you into his embrace. It meant you had to let go of Osferth, something you did slowly and gradually, leaning into the Irishman's chest. "All right, I got yah," he whispered, looking to his wife. "C'mon, stand with Ingrith. I'll carry him."

"Be gentle," you sobbed, feeling Ingrith grip your arms to help heave you to your feet; watching Finan scoop Osferth over his shoulder. The change of position made more blood splatter to the dirt, your heart stalling in your chest when you heard the mess.

You felt your soul shriveled and hidden somewhere deep in your chest, following as if in a trance. You watched Finan and Cynleaf slowly lower Osferth to the ground with the other dead Danes, feeling yourself drop to the ground in shock.

Seeing Osferth amongst the dead made it so much more real.

"It's all my fault," you sobbed, Finan moving to your side, "it's all my fault, I got him killed. I should've been quicker. This is my fault, my fault, I did this, 's my fault."

Finan knelt beside you, bringing your foreheads together to hold you tightly and let you sob into his embrace. "You didn't do this," he promised, "you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault. Do not carry this guilt."

You sobbed without reprieve.

Young Uhtred halted Father Benedict from praying over the Danes, telling the older man they had different customs, but looked back at you. He asked your name softly, wondering, "Do you wish for a prayer for... Him?"

Even Young Uhtred couldn't stomach the truth, avoiding using Osferth's name out of sheer disbelief.

"That'd be nice," Finan agreed, turning to sit beside you and hold you under his arm. You leaned into his embrace, head to his shoulder. "She read him his death rites when... It happened."

Young Uhtred nodded, bowing his head, leading, "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."

Then, you joined from under Finan's heavy arm, sobbing through your words, "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now, and at the hour of our death."

Benedict finished, "Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end."

Together, you, Ingrith, Young Uhtred, Benedict, Finan, and even Cynleaf ended, "Amen."

Feeling the most level-headed, Ingrith stepped in and directed the men; informing that Young Uhtred should lead the remaining Danes to Daneland, Finan and Cynleaf would meet Uhtred on the road, and she would accompany you to Wessex - where Osferth could be laid to rest at the place of his birth. Then, the people mourned together for their fallen.

Finan disagreed initially, telling his wife you were his responsibility now that Osferth was passed. But there was no way you could continue with the company, not in your pregnant state. Finan didn't like the idea of you being without him, considering you close to a sister; something of a best mate, someone he couldn't turn his back on - no matter the situation. However, he understood the predicament and finally agreed to part ways, but not before he untied Osferth's crucifix and latched it around your neck. At the gates of Rumcofa, before separating, Finan gifted you his rosary; thinking it might bring comfort in his physical absence.

Years from then, you would bring up a single son named Gabriel (a name your husband favored, a name benefitting an Angel) under Lord Uhtred in his birthplace of Bebbanburg. You never remarried. You never even so much as looked after another man with lust. Gabriel would grow into a handsome warrior and a devoted man of God, satisfied on tales about his father; being painted as a man of honor, integrity, and bravery. Osferth, too, was a man of God, a man of the sword, and a man of his word... Until the very end. And when your time came, you were brought back to Wessex to be laid to rest with your husband; your son having a son, naming him Osferth, and knowing, both his parents shined down on him in pride.

It was a comfort for everyone to know, somewhere in the afterlife, in God's warmth, you and Osferth were reunited; looking just as you did the day you parted from one another.

requesting rules and masterlist

[98shawns]

some protector. (i)

As the Golden Child of The Cut, you left the Outer Banks years ago in search of a better life. Now that you’ve been called on to return, the ghosts of your past remind you why you had to leave, but also why you need to stay.

good girl/pogue!reader x rafe cameron

chapter one | two

words: 3241

warnings: swearing, mentions of injury, mentions of drug use, mentions of violence, aged up characters, canon divergence, not beta-read, no use of y/n, maybe too much reader backstory but whatever!

a/n: not me reviving my fuckass fanfiction blog because i’m infatuated with drew starkey… idky i love men who look like they’d call me slurs. i wrote this like a madwoman even though i have a bunch of essays due. whatever! i hope y’all enjoy <333

o1: the little pogue girl that could

Rafe Cameron seems to be someone who does not regret.

At least, that’s what you’d always thought. How could he? Someone who grows up with the world at his fingertips doesn’t have room in his heart for regret. Rafe Cameron was always someone who fought for what he wanted with full force, while always coming out the other side victorious. Rafe got mostly everything he wanted; when you grow up achieving everything you desire, how could there be a chance to feel regret for what you don’t have?

Rafe Cameron gets what he wants, just like any other rich brat from Figure Eight. There’s nothing he needs to feel regretful for, yet the face he makes when he sees you for the first time in three years may say otherwise.

But who knows? It’s not your problem as you catch a glimpse of Rafe staring at you on your father’s fishing boat from the harbour. Why he was even down here this early and not asleep in his ginormous mansion is beyond you. Why should you care? When you left the Outer Banks to go to university, Rafe Cameron made it clear that you’d always be a pathetic little Pogue no matter where you stepped foot. You shouldn’t care that seeing the regret on his face all these years later makes your stomach churn.

“Hey, isn’t that Rafe?” Your younger brother Leon’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and your head whips back to the helm where he’d been perched. He quirked an eyebrow at your scowl as you looked back into the water. “I thought you guys were close…”

You rolled your eyes, “Nope. I haven’t spoken to him since I left.”

“Oh… I thought when you used to tutor Sarah—”

“We barely spoke.”

“But back then Sarah always said—”

“Drop it.”

Knowing better than to press the issue any further, Leon drove your father’s small fishing boat in silence until he reached your fishing spot. He eventually changes the subject to talk about how business had been steady since you’ve been away; how his friends from school still visit him since he graduated to work on the boat, how the sea had somehow seemed more unruly since your father had his accident. So much has changed since you left.

You barely notice. Everything your kid brother says goes in one ear and out the other as your mind replays Rafe’s expression over and over again.

You try not to dwell on it for long. Getting back into the groove of the boat took a stronger priority than your unresolved feelings for Rafe Cameron. You pushed down the memories you pretended didn’t exist in favour of listening to your brother’s instructions on casting the net.

Things were simpler here on the boat. Your family came from a long line of fishermen, so you grew up with the principle that the sea was something that had all the answers. You yourself never had that calling; unlike your mother and middle brother who were people of the sea, you found solace in your studies. Unlike your mother and brother, you found the answers to your problems in the prospect of leaving The Cut; of leaving a life of hard labour behind in favour of a cushy desk job in some big city.

Everyone in your family knew you’d be the first to leave. No one was more eager to send you off than your equally bookish fisherman of a father. He enrolled you into Kook Academy where he knew you’d graduate at the top of your class, despite your Pogue background. You’re destined for much more than what this island has to offer, is what he’d always said. His words rang in your mind back then when you accepted the full ride scholarship to go to university away from the Outer Banks, and they rang in your mind again as you came straight back after graduating to help on the boat.

It was because of an accident at sea… an injury from the boat that even your usually diligent father couldn’t see coming; something that could’ve been much more fatal if he weren’t such a careful man. Ironically, it was the man who made you promise to never look back at the sea that had you come running to its clutches. He could barely look you in the eye when you told him you’d be taking his place while he recovered for a few months. Your brother couldn’t man the boat on his own; the vessel may be Leon’s responsibility to inherit as the eldest son, but it was your responsibility as the eldest child overall to take care of your family.

You returned without question, and realized while you helped your brother haul fish from the sea, that despite all the work you did to get away from the water, being near its vastness made all your worries smaller in comparison. Maybe these were the answers you’d been looking for. Beyond your father, you looked at the sea and thought about your traditional mother who was less enthusiastic than you’d expected at the reality of your return to Outer Banks. You thought about your youngest brother, Clem, a boy with his whole life ahead of him who was probably even smarter than you when you were his age. You thought about Leon, who handled the ancestral responsibility you dumped on him at an age when he was too young to think for himself.

And you thought about Rafe… a boy you remembered having the world weighing down on his shoulders. Someone who was the same as you despite being worlds away. Someone who was the only person that understood you despite being so different. Someone who you loved and hated at the same time, who you gave all your firsts to while swearing to never want to see again. Someone who could make you laugh and cry all at once.

“He’s trouble, y’know.” Your brother grunts, helping you pull up the net strewn onto the side of the boat. You two had been working away on the boat for a few hours and Leon has decided he’s run out of other things to talk about. You wonder if it’s because he can tell your mind keeps circling back to the blond man staring at you from the harbour. You pretend you didn’t hear him as silver scaled fish fall against your feet but he continues anyways, “Rafe Cameron has only gotten worse since you’ve been gone.”

“You say that as if that’s my fault.”

“What?” Leon, never one to be good with his words, frowns at your response. “That’s not… it’s because of his dad or something.”

That catches your attention, “Mr. Cameron has always been like that. He’s a lot harder on Rafe than he is on Sarah or Wheezie.”

You see Leon nodding slowly in the corner of your eye as he helps pick up the net to pour your catch into the last bucket. “Well you should see Rafe now. He’s a fucking reckless cokehead who picks fights anywhere he can. Blame Mr. Cameron all you want but Rafe is old enough to know better.”

Your silence is telling of what you think of it all. Of course you’ve heard what Rafe has been up to these last few years. Try to get away from Outer Banks all you want, but the grapevine is never lacking stories about what goes on in this godforsaken island. The violence, crime, and scandal that happens here wouldn't be believable to your sheltered university friends in the slightest. This island is cursed. You knew it better than anyone, and it’s one of the many reasons you left.

“You say all this shit about Rafe as if either of us know him well enough to care.” You mumbled as you picked up a mop to begin cleaning the boat’s floor, loud enough for Leon to give you an unreadable stare. You glared back at him, daring him to continue.

“I’m just saying,” he starts carefully. “remember you’re only back here for our family. For dad, who didn’t even want you stepping foot on the boat in the first place. Don’t get distracted and stay longer than you need to.”

You’re silent as Leon takes the mop from you to hand you a cloth instead.

“Nothing here is worth giving up the life you’ve made for yourself. You’re destined for much more than this island has to offer.”

𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𓇼˚₊‧✩*ੈ𓏲

You and Leon had just finished hauling your catch onto the back of your family’s pickup truck when he told you to start making deliveries. You quirked your brow as he tossed you the keys and a list of stops, “Are you sure you don’t want me to help clean up?”

“You look like you can barely stand.”

You shoot your younger brother a glare, but he shrugs when you don’t retaliate. He’d know better than anyone that your body wouldn’t be used to a full day of work on the boat.

“Just go. A lot of these guys will be happy to see your face again.”

“I hate it when you tell me what to do.”

“Then maybe you should’ve stayed and become captain instead.”

Leon’s smirk is barely there as he shoos you away, and you scoff as you climb into the driver’s seat of the truck. You start the engine and wonder when your kid brother, three years your junior, had grown up so much.

“That little shit… he’s not even captain yet. There’s no way in hell dad would let his nineteen year old kid be captain.” You mumble to yourself, steering the truck into your first stop of the evening.

Deliveries went smoothly— it’s not as if there were a lot of establishments a small fishing boat like yours could rely on. The places that bought your fish were restaurants and seafood stores your family had been in business with for generations. Just as Leon predicted, everyone was more than happy to see The Little Pogue Girl That Could back in The Cut.

“Just as long as you’re not staying here for good,” Heyward, one of your family’s longtime customers, eyes you as he pays. You smile in return and thank him before climbing back into your truck to drive to The Wreck, your last stop of the day.

“Delivery!” You call, ice box in hand as you open the back door of the restaurant with your foot. Faced with a busy kitchen, you call again until a familiar voice calls back.

“Sorry for the wait— oh my god!” Kiara gasps when she sees you and you stare back in surprise. You’d forgotten her family owned the restaurant in question.

“Kie!” You smile as you put the box of fish down to hug the younger girl, recognizing her more as one of Leon’s good friends than the rebellious girl you attended Kook Academy with. She hugged you back before pulling away, holding your shoulders to take you in.

“Holy shit— I’m sorry I just didn’t expect you. Leon told us about what happened with your dad but I had no idea you’d be back to help out too.”

You laugh, “I’m glad you’re keeping him in check even after you’ve all graduated.”

“Of course… oh god, your payment…” Kiara grinned as she fished into her apron to hand you the pay for your delivery. You thanked her, not doubting that memories of you helping her, Leon, and their other three friends out of sticky situations came flooding her mind. “Fuck, I owe you so many dinners here.” She says, as if she was reading your mind.

You laugh and shake your head, “I’ll take you up on that next time when I’m with Leon. He gave me an easy way out of cleaning the boat on my first day.”

“Your whole family is too soft on each other.” Kiara chuckles. “Actually, all of our friends are here for dinner, you’ll at least come say hi, won’t you?”

Already in a good mood at seeing the Carrera girl, you nodded in agreement. You remembered the other three boys Leon hung around: John B. the leader, JJ the rascal, and Pope the brain, as well as the student who would’ve achieved the same scholarship you did to leave the island. You weren’t close to any of them but they did seem to appreciate you as their friend’s older sister who doesn’t ask too many questions about what mischief they’d been up to. The appreciation is mutual as you think about Leon’s otherwise strict childhood being offset by his ragtag group of fellow Pogue friends.

Kiara leads you from the kitchen to the restaurant’s dining area, where you’re met with one more familiar face than you were expecting.

Sarah Cameron, the quirky Kook girl you used to tutor, sat beside John B., casually sipping on her cup of pop before her mouth gaped open at the sight of you.

“No way—”

“Sarah?”

The blonde squealed as she jumped out of your seat to launch her body at you, as if she’d been waiting for you like you were a soldier returning from war. You laugh at her reaction and hug her back, surprised at her presence with Leon’s old school friends.

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed, breaking the embrace to look at you. “I haven’t seen you in years!”

“I know. You’ve grown up so much, Sarah.” You grin and look back at John B., JJ, and Pope. “You all have.”

The three boys turned men smile at you before Sarah steals back your attention, “Ugh your brother should’ve told us you were coming, were you helping on the boat?”

“Yep, I just made a delivery for Kie’s family.”

“Of course,” she started, biting her lip as she took you in. “Did you see Rafe at the harbour?”

The mention of Sarah’s older brother makes you stiffen, and her smile falters a bit before she continues. “He was down there this morning to take care of some business for our dad…”

“I don’t know.” You responded flatly, pretending that his face at the harbour wasn’t flashing in your mind at the very mention of his name. Sarah nods slowly, noting that you weren’t quite denying what she was asking.

“He and I still aren’t that close but he’s been having a hard time these days… you two used to get along so well; I’m sure he’d be so happy to see you—”

“I was wondering why Leon was mentioning you so casually earlier. I didn’t know you all hung out.” Sarah’s lips pressed together at the way you changed the subject. You smile at her sheepishly and run your hands up and down her arms, “Pogue life suits you, Sarah Cameron.”

Kiara calling your name from the kitchen gave you the distraction you needed. Your attention turned to the brunette, who handed you a to-go bag with The Wreck’s logo printed on the front.

“For you and Leon. You’re both probably hungry enough for two portions of dinner.”

“Thank you, Kie.” You smile, ignoring Sarah’s worried expression.

𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𓇼˚₊‧✩*ੈ𓏲

After not even twenty four hours after you stepped on this island, Rafe Cameron was haunting your thoughts. You thought about him on the car ride back to the boat, you thought about him as you ate the food Kiara packed for you and Leon on the drive back home, and you thought about him some more as you ate your second helping of dinner at home.

You tried to keep up with your mom’s questions about your day on the boat, “Yes it was as hard as I remember.” “No, Leon and I didn’t fight.” “No, I am not moving back to the Outer Banks.” Your dad grunts disapprovingly at the question while your mom rolls her eyes, but it was all in good fun. You barely pay any mind as the conversation shifts to Clem’s day at school, and your thoughts wander back to Rafe.

How hard of a time was he having? Ward Cameron was not a man to take lightly, and there was no doubt that he was the cause of Rafe’s suffering. Rafe… a pitiful Kook who was much more sensitive than he’d like to admit. Rafe with the world stacked up on his shoulders, Rafe who would make you hug his body and kiss his temple to keep his worries away. Rafe, a man so vulnerable that his guard was up even to you, the only other person he knew who truly understood him.

Dinner ends as quick as it begins, and your mom tells you to wash the day off in the shower. Dad discusses business with Leon, who reminds you to set your alarm for another early day tomorrow. Your baby brother Clem starts the dishes. Life is simple back at the Outer Banks, yet your feelings about it remain complicated.

You wash the smell of sweat and salt from your body, the warm water soothes your soreness. Rafe still swims in your mind; everyone on this island looked at you like you were the answer to all their problems, but you knew your return wasn’t going to fix anything. Your presence wasn’t going to fix your dad’s broken body, it wasn’t going to make the sea any less unruly, and it definitely was not going to help Rafe Cameron out of his troubled lifestyle.

You get dressed into your pyjamas after you finish showering and enter your time capsule of a room. Stupid posters from magazines that you and your friends at Kook Academy liked littered your walls, and knick knacks your mom bought you were strewn throughout the room as small presents to remind you that you were her only daughter and that she wasn’t just some strict, domineering presence in your life.

Everything you’d gotten from three years of being with Rafe was thrown out in a fit of rage when you two had fallen out, all except for one gift: a necklace he’d bought you for your one year anniversary.

The piece of jewelry hung on your bedside lamp, and you toyed with it as you wondered what exactly your relationship with Rafe was back then for him to buy you something that you’d like so much. Looking back, a chain with a singular Pearl strewn on it is barely enough to count as a thoughtful gift, but you still wore it every day while you were with Rafe. He knew you’d love it, something simple and inconspicuous while still showing that he cared… a Pearl, which reminded you of the sea your family devoted their lives to, and a Pearl that represented Rafe’s loyalty and love towards you, despite the mutual ambiguity towards your relationship.

You sigh as you realize that if you really didn’t care about Rafe like you said you did, you would’ve thrown this necklace away years ago. How could you forget about a boy who you gave all your firsts to? The boy who felt more abandoned by your absence than your own family?

You study the necklace some more, but the sound of a tapping at your window makes you jump up in surprise.

In a sight familiar and unfamiliar all at once, you turn to your window to see Rafe Cameron staring at you from behind the glass, his expression filled with the same look of regret as when you saw him on the harbour.

[starberry-cupcake]

I started reading and writing this recap, then I got sick, so now that I'm able I want to pick it back up before I forget where I even was

previously in nonita del 9:

this is the first part and chapter

this is the general tag, for those who stumble upon this in the wild and, for some reason, want to read all the rest

CHAPTER 2

nonita is talking about how she's actually one of potentially two people

and describes herself in the following terms

"skin the color of the egg carton, and eyes the color of the egg mixture, and hair the color of the burnt-out bottom of the pan...a thin, complicated face...nice white teeth in a smile that looked sad no matter how happy she was"

she thinks she's gorgeous

ok cyrus the lyctor with the nudes whose last name I don't remember and I was about to google when autocomplete scared me and I closed the tab

I'm not allowed to google things for these recaps, I should know better

anyway, gideon eyes

so is this harrow's body but gideon's soul while harrow's soul is in the river with the emperor???? or what's happening???

did gideon's soul get scrambled upon returning from the river somewhere???

if it's gideon's soul in harrow's body, it'd make sense with her thinking she's gorgeous and kissing the mirror tbqh

unfiltered gideon behavior

but the memories of the pool were harrow's??? because she remembered gideon's arms????

gideon's arms are very memorable, I've heard

which reminds me, where's gideon's body????

also, is this new personality who lives in a cumple gonna switch back to who it used to be or merge together?

is this happy-go-lucky attitude gonna disappear or combine?

I remember back when I didn't know anything about these books (and all I saw was the covers and knew that gideon and harrow were a ship), I thought nona was their child in like a distant future

I don't know why I thought that, I just filled in the gaps with that

those were simpler times

so nona is kinda vain about her looks, apparently??

I posted this before but, this was her at a queue when someone was hitting on her

she's nonchalant about people wanting to sleep with her and camilla says "sex things were right out. She said there were enough problems in the world"

I'd love a tshirt like this, actually

so am I to understand that gideon and harrow got blended somewhere in the river and reborn as a "born sexy yesterday" lovechild??

I don't know, man, I'm just gonna continue

pyrrha, palmolive and camilla are trying to teach nona things but also not teach her things, because they don't wanna skew the results on who she is

in case it comes back to her that she can wield a sword or do playdoh stuff with bones

what she can do, apparently, is pick up any language by watching people speak it

which, in a planet of refugees, comes up very frequently

palmolive (and me, also me) is like "where tf did this come from?????"

I mean, I guess either harrow or gideon could have that from before, since I don't think they were exposed to anything other than the one language, did they?

I can't remember??? I don't think gideon did??

or is it new???

she downloaded a star trek universal translator on the way down from the river, as a treat??

also, out of the two of them, if this is just one of them, I think harrow would be the one more mortified by everything that's going on during this time, just putting it out there

CHAPTER 3 (we have an apple tree rather than the tomb at the start of this one)

nona says she "doesn't just want to be good-looking and dumb", so she got herself a job

which says a lot about the value of productivity in self worth, even in situations of dire stress and danger, but I digress

if this is harrow, she's gonna hate all this so much

the body maybe is harrow's? because the school lady think's she's 14, and that gave me mercygirl vibes of saying she's less years every time she looked at her

and she wants to send nona to school

the lady also has suspicions of pyrrha being camilla's and nona's pimp, so pyrrha has to flirt with her to distract her from that line of thought

and says she'd be luckier being a pimp for augustine and alfred

so, nona insists on going to school and is allowed because palmolive is combeferre-coded and loves education

I mean, I agree, but also, at what cost, in this case?????

so, nona goes to school and befriends a bunch of kids who ask her for drugs but then relent and let her join their clique anyway

because she takes care of the teacher's dog, which always gives people points socially

kevin is really adorable btw we love kevin

one of the kids, the leader, is called hot sauce and I think she's been through a lot

like, more than the rest of the kids

one has like 5 fathers, but still

she's the only one not ready and willing to go attempting to kill necromancers, which the other kids want to do

nona can also read people's body language very well, to the point in which she can tell when people are lying, uncomfortable or hiding something

another thing that may or may not be from Before

anyway, nice kids, I'm sure nothing bad is gonna happen to any of them

right?

right????

we'll leave it there for now! next chapter starts with a seventh house skull so idk what we're in for at all, as long as not!dulcinea isn't back...

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader X Gon/Killua)

Ch 18: For Whom The Bell Tolls: It Tolls For Thee

Synopsis: And then everything just fell apart.

Trigger warning: Extreme Violence

-----------------------------------

"You worked with the phantom troupe!!!”

You quickly covered Gon’s mouth with your hand. Looking around to see if anyone besides the two boys had heard.

“Shhh! Not so loud! And kinda.”

Ever since you'd first opened up, they wanted know everything. Down to the last detail. Of course there were parts of your childhood you'd never really be ready to discuss. But you could share the smaller things. You could talk about the games you'd play, the types of people who were in your clan, the missions you'd go on.

It was..nice. Memories you thought you'd never look back on fondly. You thought you'd never get a chance to reminisce like this. It was also the least you could do to take their minds off of things for a while. 

For the inevitable fight. 

Currently, everyone on the extermination team was heading towards East Gorteau. You and the boys included. So for however long this train ride lasted, you'd make the most of it.

“It was a way of testing me. See how well I'd get along with others given my track record. The only rule was that I couldn't talk to them.”

Oh yes. How could you forget the many lectures before you left? Ones that included your banishment if you were to fail. Though realistically, you probably would have been killed instead. 

You noticed the boys’ curious stares. You figured their friend Kurapika would have filled them in. Maybe he didn't know as much as you did. Albeit you didn't really have a choice, but still.

“It was for good reason. I heard the leader takes people's abilities. In hindsight it makes sense. He kept asking me questions.” You explained.

‘And what can you do little one?’

‘Is that your ability? How does it work?’

It was so painfully obvious looking back. They probably thought you'd be easy since you were a kid. But you were nothing if not true to your word. So you'd said absolutely nothing.

“Is that where you got the idea from?” Killua asked in reference to your new ability.

“Nah. Mines more of a substitution. I don't need to know anything about the person to take theirs.”

It was easier to toss away half your nen into the puppets you conjured. The condition was simpler. So long as you could switch last minute for a direct hit, you'd be able to mimic what they did. 

“That makes it a bigger gamble.” Gon said with a small frown. Remembering what Kite had said about his own ability. How chance made it stronger.

“C’mon. When has my speed ever failed me?” You tried to reassure.

“I guess. But just be careful.”

He'd been more clingy towards you. More protective. They both were. But the way Gon went about it felt more intense. He hardly let you go outside by yourself. Sticking stubbornly by your side. And he'd started enforcing a bedtime on you. Using those damn puppy eyes every time you refused. You felt like a fool having a kid parent you. Although the circles under your eyes did lessen.

But you reminded yourself he was just scared. He didn't want to lose anybody else. A strong desire to keep you safe after what happened with Kite. A mentality so similar to yours that you just couldn't get after him for it. If clinging onto you was what kept that dark aura at bay, then you’d just have to suck it up.

“I'm the one who's supposed to be telling you that. You're ten times as reckless.” You pointed out.

He pouted up at you, mouth opening for a rebuttal before you cut him off.

“And I better not catch you saying it's okay when you get hurt. Got it?”

He deflated. Wanting to add something but knowing you'd shut him down again. Luckily Killua was there to back him up. The fact that there were two of them always being used against you.

“But it's okay when you get hurt?” He questioned.

You scrambled for an answer. It was unfair how they ganged up on you sometimes. 

“None of us should be getting hurt if we can help it.” You settled on.

They seemed satisfied with your response, temporarily dropping the subject. It was only a matter of time before Gon perked up once more.

“Hey. Could you teach us that game you were talking about earlier?” He asked.

“I don't know. You've gotta have pretty sharp eyes to play.” You teased.

“Not too sharp considering you've got bags puffing up yours.” Killua joked.

“Hey!”

You dealt out the box of cards they'd brought. Using the opportunity to check in on them. Gon's aura was calm. Eerily so. You were worried the murkiness of his aura would rise to the surface any second. That it would consume him. You had a bad feeling about it. 

Killua’s was nervous, but determined. You'd never know he was tense by just looking at him, but his aura was plain as day. You hated to admit it, but his was the normal reaction you were expecting from both.

You briefly glanced over to the left. The men in front of you were apprehensive. About who, you couldn't really tell. The boys for both being ready? Not being strong enough? Or you being mentally unstable? Cracking under pressure because of a little blood? You'd all just have to wait and see.

You always hated the waiting game.

At least Knuckle and Shoot weren't scared of you anymore. Thanks to Morel putting in a good word for you. You’d almost say you enjoyed that old man’s company. It was nice to talk about everything for a change. Talk without fear of being judged. He didn't spill the secret of your identity to the rest, and you were immensely grateful. 

If things ended up working out after all, maybe you'd take him up on his offer to get some counseling. God knows you needed it after everything you've been through. For now, you would relish in the few hours you still had with your boys.

—---------------------------

You'd reached the city within two hours, stopping at a restaurant to stock up on food. It just so happened that a broadcast was playing. One that stated the ruler wanted everyone in Peijing to make their way to the palace. You didn't have a good feeling about it.

All those people in one place…it left plenty of room for disaster. Morel only confirmed your suspicions.

“Colt has a theory. He believes that the celebration will be used to sort the population.”

What was it that damn cat had called you? A Rare? The chimera ants seemed to be obsessed with those who possessed nen. They would most likely be eaten by the king or worse. You had a pretty good idea of what ‘worse’ was after seeing the state Kite was in. 

You didn't think ten days would be enough to save all those people. And unfortunately for them, they weren't a top priority. Everyone's focus would be on the king and his lackeys.  

There was also the issue of Netero’s whereabouts. He'd gone off on his own in East Gorteau without any backup. Telling Knov if he didn't respond today, he was most likely dead. Now while you weren't fond of the old man, you didn't want him dead. But knowing him, he was perfectly fine out there.

Ping

Right on schedule. Knov read the text on his phone before showing everyone else. His plan was to lure the royal guards away from the king starting at midnight. Great. Just great. Let your kids deal with one of those monsters. Though you knew they'd made enough progress to keep up. Netero made sure to include the ‘satellite ears’ comment from Morel as well.

“That old bastard scares the crap out of me.” He mumbled.

“Yeah? Well he irritates the hell out of me. Damn geezer always has something up his sleeve.” You added.

You beamed as the waiter served you a slice of cake. The duo next to trying to stifle their laughter at your reaction. The rest of the men at the table, however, eyed the tall pile of sweets on your plate with concern.

“That much can't be good for you.” Knuckle said, watching you scarf down another sweet.

You looked up for a brief moment. 

“Mind your business.” 

“Okay then.” He put his hands up in defense.

The hard ass who made a deal of being guarded, eating like a little kid with no dietary restrictions. It was baffling. Downing apple juice after apple juice. Cookie after cookie.

“Remember what we said. At least one real piece of food.” Gon scolded.

Giving out a small grumble, you took a bite out of your sandwich before continuing on.

—---------------------------------

All you could do was wait. You hated it. The rapid beating of your heart in anticipation. Bated breath as the seconds ticked down. Any moment now, Gon’s nen would return to him. He had done surprisingly well during training. The question now was how well he'd apply what he learned.

You could feel it, the exact moment the curse had been lifted. All at once his nen had surged through him. The little cat hovering over his shoulder was finally gone. He looked down at himself to confirm the aura around him.

“Well alright. It looks like you can use nen again. Go on, try it out.” Knuckle encouraged him.

Before he could try anything, Morel called out to him.

“Gon…”

The boy in green gave his full attention.

“Sorry, but I'm not convinced we should keep you around.”

A small feeling of protectiveness came over you. They make these kids train like hell only to go back on their word? You didn't think so. Although you hadn't wanted them here in the first place. But it was too late to turn back now.

“Show me your resolve,” He continued on, discarding his shirt to prepare for an attack.

“Pretend I'm the enemy who did all that to Kite.”

You could feel Gon’s aura shift into something darker. He really shouldn't have said that. The dark murkiness you've been trying to help keep at bay was slowly rising to the surface.

“If your attack isn't powerful enough, I'll call for a replacement hunter.” Morel was only adding fuel to the fire.

“A real attack?” Gon questioned.

You didn't have a good feeling about this. Kite was a sensitive subject. To use that as a means to provoke Gon… You knew damn well that kid could do damage just fine without nen. You didn't know what he was capable of with it. And it worried you. For his sake more than his opponent’s.

“Yes dammit! Give me everything you've got or you're off the team.” 

A steady anger, and then it was gone. Once again Gon's aura had been eerily calm. Approaching Morel slowly before responding.

“Got it.”

He stood still for a moment, then all at once a feeling of bloodlust consumed him. The intent to kill evident as the aura built in his fist. From the others, you could sense their shock. Their fear. You were in a similar boat.

For a split second, you were afraid. Trembling at the force of his power. For a second, you were reminded of him. The onslaught of ren that poured out. The malice. 

“Show me rock!”

It felt like you couldn't breathe. Killua, taking notice of your panicked state, went to calm down Gon. He was overdoing it, especially if it was scaring you. So he put a hand on Gon’s shoulder. The aura in his fist disappearing almost instantly.

“Gon, that's enough.”

You could breathe again. That was exactly what you were worried about. He was just a kid. You didn't want him to do something he'd regret. To have blood on his hands at such a young age. But there was only so much you could do.

“Am I right, old man?” Killua asked Morel.

The older man took a few deep breaths. Trying to calm the racing of his own heart. If that was Gon’s raw strength, there was no telling what he could do with your training. Good. They really needed an ace in their hole.

“...Yeah ..” He answered at last.

Gon seemed to snap out of the daze he was in. Jumping up in shock with his own actions. He turned around and offered Killua a ‘thanks’ for stopping him. He turned back to Morel and clasped his hands together in an apology.

“Sorry Mr. Morel! I really was just about to kill you!”

It felt like all the air in your body escaped from your lungs. That wasn't right. But Morel just laughed him off.

“You got me real good there kid!”

It felt all too similar to the way you grew up. Being praised for having no limits. You couldn't have been the only one who was worried. The only one who was scared he'd cross a line he couldn't come back from. You felt like you were going insane. 

Gon looked back over at you expecting your usual praise. Instead he was met with your somber expression. It was too close to the way you'd looked the last time you were in the NGL. He wonders if he scared you. The thought makes him feel icky inside.

He approaches you and hugs you as tight as he can. It's the only thing he can think to do. Whether it's to reassure him or you, he can't tell. 

“I didn't mean to. I know I'm not supposed to get that worked up. Not yet at least. I'm sorry.”

It takes you a second to respond. Trying to collect your thoughts after the intensity of that moment. Of what was surely to come.

“You're fine. Just, don't get too carried away.” You reassured. 

He relaxes at the feeling of you hugging him back.

But you didn't believe the words tumbling out of your mouth.

—---------------------------------

It wasn't hard for the three of you to infiltrate East Gorteau. In fact, it was almost too easy. Still, none of you could risk being caught. It didn't help there were so many people on the lookout for intruders.

You continued on to the meeting point, listening as Killua explained the situation to Gon. How the people here were just itching to rat each other out for some money.

“My older brother told me everything, and he probably heard it from grandpa.”

Killua didn't talk about his family often, and you couldn't blame him. But he seemed to respect his Grandfather. He spoke about him with something just shy of fondness. You were glad he had some family he could rely on. 

You stopped short near the ledge of a cliff. The three of you ducking down quickly.

“A town?” Gon questioned.

“Yeah a tiny one.” Killua confirmed.

You used your eyes to focus on the nearest homes. Empty. You used your en to scan for people next. Nothing. The town was completely abandoned.

“So what now?” Gon looked between you and Killua for a plan.

“We sneak in.” 

“No need. Everyone's gone.” You informed.

They knew better than to question your assessment. Your eyes were never wrong. So it was on to the next step of the plan: finding out just what the hell happened. 

“Stay here then. We'll investigate. You don't need to see anything you don't have to.” Killua instructed.

You gave a small nod. Freaking out over potential corpses was the last thing you needed. If you could stall seeing anything too gruesome, you'd have a better chance during the big fight. Or any fight for that matter.

You watched as the two of them disappeared into the town. Tracking their auras as they went. Gon peeked his head out and gestured for you to come over. You took cautious steps towards them. Knowing your luck you'd probably slip. 

“They've already begun sorting. Most of the people were already buried, and not very deep either. It was a good thing you hung back.” Killua explained.

Good to know you're original ten days was just wishful thinking. You couldn't help but feel bad for these people. No technology and no way to know what was going on in their country.

“They can't even call for help.” You said softly. 

“It's not all bad news,” Killua tried to comfort.

“If my theory is correct, it'll be easy to stop them. We just cause a commotion and the selection will totally stop.”

“In theory it'll be easy. But we have to be prepared for anything.” You warned.

Like counter measures for said commotions. If Pitou could control people, chances are the leader was under control too. His word was law here. There'd be no resistance if he suggested something under the ants' influence.

“Yeah but considering the amount of people the ants have to sort, there's no way they sent nen users to do it. It's most likely Pitou's ability. And if that's the case, this'll all be a sitch.” Killua explained.

“We just have to pop up, take out whoever's being controlled, and cause a panic. And after that. We'll encourage the people who escaped to go off and check on other nearby towns.”

It was a decent plan. The only issue was…Right as you were thinking it, the small assassin already had it covered.

“The problem is they'll detect us quickly. Once we make our move, they'll know. If we wanna go through with the old man’s plan, we should keep as low a profile as we possibly can.” 

You'd almost forgotten he was used to be stealthy. That he was in his element here in the dark and unsuspecting.

“It's your call.” He addressed you and Gon.

The boy in green agreeing almost immediately. Determination radiating off him. 

“Let's do it. If the selection has already begun, we can't just simply ignore it.”

The looked up at you for your answer. A damn shame how much you've changed in just one year. If this was still when you were on Greed Island, you would've told them to stick to the mission at hand. Lives at stake be damned. But you were different now. Softer. And the thoughts of self preservation you were used to having weren't present. Instead was the rational that you couldn't exactly let people die.

“If we go through with this, we've gotta be careful.” You responded at last.

“Alright, let's go!” Killua instructed before stopping in his tracks. He took a breath before facing you and Gon.

“But I'm gonna do it alone. You two stay hidden.”

“Stay hidden!!? But wouldn't it be better if we-” Gon started, but Killua had cut him off.

“Don't forget our primary mission. We have to take Pitou down. That should be your focus.” It had come out more defensive than he wanted. He swore he could feel your eyes focus in on him as the words left his mouth.

“You let me handle everything else, alright? I'll stir things up,” he said softer.

“And uh no offense, but this'll be a lot easier to do alone.”

“Like hell you'll do this alone!” You argued.

The last thing you wanted was to split up. It made it easier for the enemies to pick off one by one. Yet Killua wasn't budging on the subject. Resolve strong in his eyes when he spoke.

“Look I know you're used to doing this, but I'm sure there's more villages like the first one. The moment you freak out is the moment we lose a fighter. Maybe if you weren't…” He stopped himself, trying to phrase what he was gonna say right.

If you weren't so traumatized by blood, you'd be more useful. He'd never say something like that to you again. Or, he'd try his damn best not to.

“If things were different you'd be able to help me fully. But you're our best bet at scouting and Gon’s our strongest fighter. So… just sit this one out. The both of you.” 

You could sense his worry. It made you faulter for a second.

“Yeah, I get it.” Gon said, knowing you and him would just get in Killua’s way. 

“Do you?” The small assassin questioned.

“Huh?” He did a double take at his best friend's words.

“Do you really think you get it?”

“Killua?”

“Then promise me something!” It was a plea. Looking between you and Gon quickly.

“Both of you! Don't make a move! Even if people are killed right in front of you! Promise me!”

He remembered the way you two had reacted at the factory. You'd both lunged forward when those people were killed. Only being stopped by Kite’s quick thinking. He didn't want the same thing happening again. 

You could sense his panic rise. A desperation to keep you two safe at all costs. He was almost begging for you two not to do anything. What the hell was the association putting these kids through? What would they go through before the end of the ten days?

Gon didn't answer. You didn't think he could. As much as he loved Killua, he had his morals. He was a stubborn kid who wouldn't go back on them either. So you answered instead. You could abide by Killua’s conditions if he could abide by yours.

“Sure I'll promise you. As long as you promise me you'll come back no matter what. If there's an enemy stronger than you, you'll run.” 

It was like you were in a standoff. His resolve waivered in the presence of yours. He was tired of running away from fights, and you knew that. Then there was the matter of him coming back. He didn't know what to expect out there. He couldn't promise you what he couldn't guarantee. And he couldn't force you and Gon to do the same. 

His resolve crumbled, giving in to yours. 

“I'll text you okay? Our cell phones should still work in the area.” He tried to diffuse, but you wouldn't let him off the hook that easily.

“You can't just change the subject.”

There was a small amount of guilt radiating off him. But there was still the worry from earlier. 

“I know. I'm Sorry. Don't worry about it. I'm just a little on edge.” He explained.

The mission was already taking its toll on both boys. They shouldn't have the weight of the world on their shoulders at such a young age. You'd curse the association to your dying breath. When this was over, you'd all need some counseling. 

You offered up what you hoped was a reassuring smile.

“It's okay to be scared and worried. I know I am. But we help each other. It's the only way we can get through this. You know that right?”

You could feel him start to relax, steadily gaining back his resolve.

“I know.” He responded.

Gon put his hand on his shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze.

“If anything goes wrong, we'll be there to help you.” He added. 

It felt like Killua was engulfed in warmth. Like you all weren't about to march to your potential deaths. It was why he was so scared of losing you both. But he had to have faith in your abilities. Trust that you could get the job done and make it back. 

“Right. I've got your backs too!”

The three of you continued to walk for a while, but something felt off. It felt like something was watching you. The unmistakable sensation of eyes on your back. Then for a split second, you sensed a presence.

Someone was following you. The aura wasn't malicious from what you could tell. Just cautious. Like they were scoping you out. The presence would appear and disappear at one minute intervals. It was probably some sort of nen ability. 

You didn't want to leave the boys by themselves, but you couldn't risk either of them getting hurt right now. You had to be smart about this. 

“Hey, you two go on ahead.” You called out.

“Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

You made sure to keep talking while you signed slowly.

‘Enemy behind.’

“I just need to check something out. It won't take me long.”

The duo nodded in understanding. Never had you been prouder to see them sign ‘safe.’ Slow and meticulous, but the word all the same. You were glad you were able to teach them something useful. 

They took off without you, leaving you to deal with who was following. He'd show himself every minute. All you had to do was wait him out.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

You summoned a strand of nen and shot it straight behind you. There was a noise of surprise as it wrapped completely around the enemy. You tugged them close to you, turning around to face your stalker.

“You know I'm too fond of being followed.”

Your tone was cold as you stared down the chameleon chimera ant. He shook in your presence. Eyes wide at the fact you'd caught him. He'd wanted to continue following one of the boys. This was not good.

“You better have a damn good reason or you're dead.”

He tried to formulate a sentence. Tried to speak, but your resolve was suffocating. Your eyes looked at him like he was nothing. All that came out of his mouth was-

“How did you-!”

But you'd cut him off by tightening your nen around his neck.

“The next words out of your mouth better be an answer. I don't have time for games.”

He panicked, blurting out the first thing he could think of to get him out of trouble.

“I want to defeat the king!”

Your intimidating expression changing into one of confusion.

“What?”

He could feel your nen weaken around him. That was a good sign. He continued to talk, believing more in his chances of convincing you.

“He's a monster. He killed and ate his own men when he was born. He needs to be stopped.” Meleleron explained.

“I thought I'd watch the three of you. See if you were strong enough for the task before I asked for help. I wasn't trying to attack you.”

Your eyes scanned him for any deceit. There was none. All you could sense was determination and fear. Scared of you, yet still wanting to complete his goal. You let him go, releasing your nen.

“Okay.”

“Okay!?! Just like that? You're not gonna interrogate me?” He pushed, unbelieving it was that easy.

“I can see when someone's lying to me. Don't worry, I'd know if you were trying to lure me into a trap.”

It was a thinly veiled threat. One that promised his death if he betrayed you. He'd take it. If you could see when he was being genuine, it only worked in his favor.

“Okay. Where to begin…”

He explained to the situation at hand. How his father figure was eaten by the king. How few ants stayed by the king’s side while the rest left to create their own castles. His plan for catching him off guard. Using his ability to become invisible before attacking. How he needed someone strong enough to carry out the plan. 

“Your best bet is Gon. He's most likely to listen to you. Killua would kill you on the spot.” You said.

“Why can't you help me? You're fast. We'd be able to take the king completely off guard.”

You shook your head. Despite how it looked like, you knew you weren't the best person for the job. Call it a hunch.

“I'm not a fighter. And I've got a personal fight I need to be ready for. I also choke up. Can't stand the sight of blood. Gon’s your best bet. I'm sure he's stronger than me now anyways.”

And Killua was faster. They'd done well in their respective categories. You just hoped it'd be enough. You looked Meleoron head on. 

“Test him if you want…but if you go too far I'll make you suffer.” You warned.

You cared about those boys. It was easy for him to see. As long as you were vouching for the boy in green, he'd take up the offer, and he'd do his damn best not to rough him up too much.

“Right. I'll get going. Thank you for trusting me.”

He took off without a second glance. You were once again on your own. You decided to try and make your way towards the palace. If nothing else, you could take out a few of Pitou's puppets. 

You set a steady pace. Slowing your heart rate little by little. If the ants sensed you now, you'd come off as nothing more than a small animal. They wouldn't recognize you as human. For all the shit your clan put you through, they taught you some pretty helpful tricks. 

Things seemed to be going well before you sensed it. Another presence following you. They weren't concealing themselves either. In fact, they were right above you. You looked up and we're met with a familiar ant. The same one that tried to ambush you the night everything went to shit.

It seemed to recognize you too. Owlish eyes widening before it tried to fly away. So much for going undetected. You gave chase, following directly under it.

“I'm not gonna let you get away!” You shouted, preparing to restrain it.

Right as you were about to summon your nen, a fist made harsh contact on your face. You skidded to the side from the force.

You'd been so distracted, you didn't sense the other ant. You'd fallen for that damn owl’s trap. You braced your legs, looking up at your assailant. A cheetah ant. It beamed at you, sharp teeth on full display.

“I was looking for a meal. Thank you for volunteering!” 

You were really starting to hate cats. You watched the owl ant make its escape. It was most likely gathering information on everybody's abilities. How you all fought. He was a problem. You didn't have time to deal with this new ant.

Judging by his cocky aura, he wouldn't be much of a challenge anyways. He was weak. The only reason he got a hit on you was because you weren't paying attention. 

“You're a Rare, aren't you? This'll be so much fun! Try not to die too early, okay?”

You dodged as he went to strike again, claws fully outstretched. He glared at you. It was then you noticed the small being floating by his side. That was Knuckle’s ability. So this was the ant that got away? You could see why he'd give the others trouble.

But he wouldn't be able to beat you.

“Lucky guess, but you won't be able to dodge my next attack. You humans have got nothing on my speed!”

He rushed towards you once more. Right before he could make contact, you grabbed his wrist. A cruel grin on your face.

“Fast?” You questioned.

He tried to pull back, but your grip was unrelenting. 

“Let go of me!”

He used his free hand to try and slash your face. You caught it too, applying pressure to his wrist. He caught your eyes and froze. You almost looked amused. It made him feel something he'd never felt before. Fear. 

You looked at Cheetu like you knew something he didn't. You weren't afraid of dying. No… You didn't think he could kill you. And then you spoke. Something in your voice had a shiver running down his spine.

“You're so pathetic I might just laugh. Oh you poor creature. You don't even know what speed is. Here, let me show you!”

The grip on his wrist vanished, as did you. His eyes unable to track where you went. He could smell it on you now. The blood imbedded in your scent. You were like them. A monster like the royal guards. 

He shook the thought from his head. A strong Rare? Yeah right. You were nothing compared to him. A slow weakling. He had no reason to be so shaken up by you. It was just an empty threat made to make him lose his cool. He'd kill you in no time.

“Henry, attack!”

It happened so suddenly. One minute he was standing, about to track your scent and put an end to you. The next, his head was rolling on the ground. On his shoulders was a small jester marionette. Its hand morphed into a blade.

Your shoes came into his vision. His eyes trailed up to meet yours in disbelief.

“It can't be! What the hell are you!?!” He shouted.

You couldn't have been that fast. You were a human! 

“Someone who doesn't have time for your insolence. I'm done wasting time on you,” you answered.

You snapped your fingers, signaling for your puppet to finish the job. You looked away as it jumped up, using as much force as possible to slam into the ant’s skull. You could feel the blood splatter onto your clothes. You thought you would have grown used to the sight of blue blood. 

You were wrong. 

Shaking as the warmth seeped into your clothes. The feeling of vile scratching at your throat. You shook your head, preparing to make your way to the meeting point once more.

When you got there, you waited for Knov to open up the portal. You fell into the small room, still trembling from earlier. Everyone was here except Gon and Killua. Your heart beat even faster in your chest.

“You okay?” Morel asked, noticing your dazed state.

“Change of clothes. Now.” You ordered.

You don't remember who tossed you your bag of clothes, but you were grateful all the same. Throwing your bloodied clothes the furthest you could from you as you changed. You hugged yourself to try and calm down. Taking in shaky breaths.

There was no blood on you, and still you felt dirty. You hated being so weak in front of others. But all you could think about was your boys. Killua running from town to town and Gon doing who knows what out there.

“You good kid?” Morel asked once more.

You nodded your head slowly.

“I'll be fine. I just need a minute. I managed to get rid of the ant Knuckle fought.” You informed.

“You got rid of Cheetu? That's awesome! Thanks a lot!” Knuckle said, patting you on the back.

“Mhm.”

You flinched slightly at the gesture, which was immediately picked up by the older man in the room. 

“Give them some space for a while.” He instructed Knuckle before addressing you.

“We still have plenty of time before the selection. You can recoup for a while.”

You gave a small nod. You just hoped your boys were okay.

—---------------------------------

Gon stared down the chameleon ant before him. Its hands were raised in defense as it spoke.

“I've been watching you for a while now. I didn't plan on showing myself so soon, but things changed. Safe to say, you surpassed my expectations.” He explained.

Gon was about to let his guard down when he remembers something. You said somebody was following the three of you. And you'd gone to check it out. This thing was capable of concealing its presence. 

It was the same ant.

He released an angry ten in an instant. Summoning as much nen as he could into his fist.

“What did you do to Y/n!”

Meleoron couldn't help but freeze. Twice now his life had been threatened. And you'd said this kid would be more likely to hear him out. Look how that was turning out.

“Nothing! I swear!” He pleaded. 

Gon glared at him, unbelieving that he hadn't done something to you.

“If you hurt them, I'll kill you!”

He was more quick to aggression here. More on edge than he'd ever been. Especially when it concerned you and Killua. Right as he was about to strike, the ant blurted out the first thing he could think of.

“We're friends! They caught me following them, and I explained myself. They gave me the go ahead to ask for your help. If you think I could take them in a fight, you're severely overstimulating my abilities!”

All at once Gon’s aura dissipated. His guard was still up, but he was less hostile.

“You promise they're fine?” He asked.

“Swear on my life. You can call them.”

He relaxed completely at the confirmation.

“I believe you.”

“Just like that!?!?” The ant exclaimed, once again caught by surprise at how easy it was to convince one of you.

Now that Gon was thinking about it, he may have overreacted. You weren't weak. And you were quick enough to get out of any trouble. You were fine, he was sure of it. 

“Well yeah. Y/n would never be beaten by you. And if you did hurt them…Then I won't have to show you any mercy. I could just kill you, you know?” He responded.

The look in his eye was very reminiscent of yours. Cold with the intent to follow through. But it quickly softened up.

“I just worry about them. I know they're strong, but it's different here.” 

Pitou’s here. 

He didn't want to lose you the same way he'd lost Kite. He promised himself he'd do anything to stop that from happening.

“Man. You two are scary when you're mad.” Meleleron mumbled under his breath.

—-----------------------------------

Your head perked up at the sound of someone entering the room. You weren't as frazzled as before. Directing your attention to the person in the hopes it was one of the boys.

Your eyes landed on Gon first, then on Meleoron. You let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh? You met the lizard guy. Good.”

“Mhm. He told me you two were friends. I'm so proud of you!” Gon praised.

You weren't the best around people. So to see you made a friend on your own, he was happy for you. But you looked confused by the statement. Face scrunching up.

“Easy. I told him I trusted him. The friends thing is an overstatement.” You explained.

“Well he was gonna kill me if I didn't say I knew you!” Meleoron argued.

“It's your fault for following him.”

“You told me to!!!! Gah! I don't like you at all.” He pointed an accusing finger at you. 

Against your better judgement, you almost laughed. But then you remembered you were still missing your other kid. 

“Killua isn't with you?” You asked.

Gon shook his head.

“We spit up after you left.”

Damn. You didn't have a good feeling about this. Especially with that scout ant still out there. The entire room seemed to go quiet at the information. Killua was the only one missing. And he usually stuck very closely to the plan.

“Do you think…?” Shoot started.

An uncomfortable feeling churned in your gut.

“Let's give him another hour. Besides, we still have a few days left. We can afford to give him that much time.” Morel tried to comfort.

Sensing your distress, Gon sat next to you. He put his head on your shoulder. You could feel worry in his aura, try as he might not to show it. Yet you could tell he was still hopeful Killua would be back.

“Killua will be fine. He won't be beaten so easily.” He assured.

You wanted to believe him, but you couldn't just sit back and do nothing. You summoned half of your nen into your palm. Conjuring a small figure. The ballerina marionette looked up at you, awaiting its orders.

“Find Killua. Return to me in two days if you can't.”

It gave a salute before taking off. 

Your lucky day. 

More waiting.

—--------------------------

Killua felt his body giving out. He'd lost too much blood. He knew he did, collapsing into a puddle of it. A small smile made its way to his face. You probably would have passed out seeing this much. Probably scold him for getting hurt too. He was just glad it was him instead of you.

‘Promise me you'll come back no matter what.’

He blinked slowly. Imagine if he'd made that promise? He would have broken it, and you were never supposed to break a promise to a friend. 

“Sorry, Y/n. I know how you feel about losing another kid. But it's not your fault this time.”

He spoke out into the abyss with the last of his strength. He knew you'd put this on your shoulders. You always did when something went wrong. So much guilt on your conscience.

“It wasn't your fault the first time either.”

He didn't want to add into your trauma, but he could feel himself fading. He wished you could've met Alluka. She would've loved you. And he knows you would've loved to have a little sister again.

He was so grateful he got to meet you. To have someone like you who saw his worth past his assassin potential. He wanted you to be happy. He wanted you to heal. 

“I love you.” 

He thinks he might've traded his own mother and father if it meant he'd get to bask in your warmth again.

He was grateful for Gon too. For him always being on his side. Seeing nothing but the good in him. His first real friend. He didn't want to leave him either.

“Gon…Please take care of them. They're gonna need you. I'm sorry…I wasn't…any help.”

His body felt cold. He didn't have any strength to push himself up. You wouldn't miss him that much anyways. As long as you had Gon, you'd be fine. You seemed to love him more anyways. He tried to console himself with the thought. Although a part of him knew it wasn't true.

He saw a pair of small feet enter his spotty vision. He heard a piercing shriek. And then darkness.

He awoke to the feeling of something on his chest. He was surprised to wake up at all. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the sudden brightness. He made out the small figure sitting on him.

What was your puppet doing here? 

“Hey Shika. Y/n sent you after me, huh?” He greeted with a smile.

It nodded. 

He doesn't know why it made him so happy. That you cared.

“The little thing didn't leave your side the entire time you were out.” A familiar voice spoke. 

He directed his vision to the side. It was that octopus ant. Ikalgo? He must've been the one that saved him. Now that he thinks about it, he faintly remembered the feeling of being carried.

“How long was I out for?” he asked.

“Three days.”

“TWO DAYS! THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME!”

He took out the IVs from his arms. Getting up as fast as he could to make his way over to you and Gon. You were gonna be so pissed at him.

—--------------------------------------

Shika was still gone. That was a good thing, it meant she found Killua. It meant he was alive out there. It was the only thing that brought you comfort while you waited. 

You glanced over at Knov. He was…well he was mentally fucked. He fell apart at just a glimpse of Pitou's en. You didn't blame him. You'd freaked out too the first time you felt it. But now was not the time. It was one fighter down. 

And then there was Palm. You hadn't heard a word from her. She should've said something by now. Despite getting off on the wrong foot, you'd grown fond of her. You couldn't imagine the weight on her shoulders right now. They'd thrown her right into the lion’s den.

Then there was the matter of how she'd take Knov’s breakdown. The man she loved was physically aging from his fear. Chances are it wouldn't go over well. 

You felt Gon tug on your sleeve. You redirected your attention to him, watching as he pointed up. The portal opened and in finally came Killua.

Thank god.

“Killua!” Gon called out before tackling him in a hug.

He gave out a noise of surprise as he stumbled back. He rebounded quickly, however, and returned the boy in green’s enthusiasm.

“See? I made it out just fine.”

Fine? He was covered in bandages. Just what the hell happened to him. Did you really want to know? You decided it didn't matter, walking towards him slowly.

You were close enough for him to try and make out your expression. You looked drained.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked.

He was caught off guard when you crouched down and pulled him into a hug, cradling his head tightly.

“Don't you ever do that again.”

He could feel you shaking. He didn't mean to make you worry. But despite everything, he couldn't help but smile. You really did care about him. And it's not like peaceful moments like these would last. So he took it all in. Hugging you back tightly.

“I promise I won't. I've got you to protect me, remember?” He tried to lighten the mood, yet you hugged him tighter.

“My precious baby. I was so scared.”

Was it weird he felt like crying? Being loved was such a strange feeling. He thinks his mom would've blown a fuse seeing you coddle him. He doesn't care. Not one bit as you continued to hug him.

You looked over his shoulder, catching the gaze of another chimera ant. This one being an octopus.

“You made a friend?” You asked, hesitantly releasing him.

He couldn't hide his embarrassment when you let him go. Not wanting the other hunters to see him being soft.

“Yeah. He's pretty cool. Just don't call him an octopus.” He responded.

You stood up to your full height, staring down this new ant with scrutiny.

“You give my kid any problems, Squidward?”

He gaped at you. Eyes wide in shock 

“Did…did you just call me squid!?!!”

He turned towards Killua with stars in his eyes.

“Killua I love your big sibling!”

That was unexpected.

Killua stood in front of you protectively.

“You better not! They already have a partner!”

You slapped a hand to your forehead.

“You're such a gremlin. Now you,” you pointed towards the octopus ant.

“Answer the question.”

He stood unwavering in your presence. You were surprised to see a surge of loyalty in his aura.

“I would die if it meant helping Killua out.”

His resolve was strong. 

Geez, these kids had a habit for picking up strange friends. Although you couldn't complain. You needed all the help you could get.

“Well that settles it.” You approved.

Killua high fived him, introducing Ikalgo to Gon while he introduced Meleoron. It filled you with warmth to see your boys back together again. Yet you couldn't get past this gnawing feeling in your gut. The one you always got when something was about to happen. 

It was foreboding.

Over the next three days, you went over the plan. You, Killua, and Gon would take on Pitou. Knuckle, Meleoron, and Shoot would take Youpi. Morel would have to deal with Pouf by himself. Ikalgo was tasked with finding Palm. Something you wouldn't admit had you letting out a sigh of relief.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

It was all you could do while the others plotted for what could go wrong. You don't remember if you've ever been this anxious, your leg bouncing up and down. 

Pitou had healing abilities, or at least you think they did. But what if that wasn't enough to fix Kite? What if he was beyond fixing? Was there any other way you could bring him back? 

You hated how everything was building up. This feeling of dread. Moving from one location to the other. Getting closer and closer to the castle. To your potential doom. It had you chewing on your lip next. Biting at the skin there until it was raw.

Five minutes until midnight.

You decided to ask what was weighing so heavily on your mind.

“What are the other two guards’ abilities?”

Meleoron and Ikalgo looked at each other in thought. The octopus spoke first.

“Pouf has this weird ability. He can give someone a completely different nen type. If there's a specific ability they want, he can grant it.” He explained.

Not good. Was that why there were still so many ants loyal to the king? The chance of becoming more powerful calling to them like a moth to the flame. 

“That's not all. The way he goes about it…It's like the ant was reborn,” Meleoron added.

“He wraps them in a cocoon. Depending on how much was changed, it could take a few hours or a few days before the ant emerges again. It's how they plan to make soldiers out of all the people sorted.”

You felt a flicker of hope. Maybe…Maybe you could substitute it. You just had to be quick. One wrong move and you were dead. You'd be at half power, but it would be worth a shot.

Okay. You had a back up. It helped soothe your nerves a bit. Not enough to get rid of the dread you were feeling.

What was in store for you?

“One minute!” Morel called out.

You tensed as you got up. Everyone around you prepared for battle. You could feel everyone's nerves. Their resolve. Whatever happened now, it would be out of your control. You spared a glance towards Gon and Killua one last time.

You'd protect them no matter what. Even if you had to break your promise to Kari. 

You waited as the last ten seconds ticked down. It was then you finally realized what was wrong. You started shaking. The malicious aura buried so deep inside Gon had consumed him completely. 

“GO!!!!” Morel shouted.

At his command, all of you made a break for it out the door. There was nothing you could do right now. You had to get through this first hurdle first.

What was this power?

Never mind the red beasts on the steps. What was this raw power? No intent to kill, but so overpowering you almost faltered. The building shook from the force. 

Youpi, you presumed, morphed his body to attack. So much happened in just one second. Morel’s smoke screen. The building caving away to golden streaks of nen. Knuckle getting in the first hit. 

You continued running, going right in front of the boys as a precaution. ‘Get past the steps.’ you repeated in your head. Keep going. You could look back later. 

You were fighting with yourself not to let your en scan around you. You couldn't risk letting it clash with another royal guard’s. If you did, you were all screwed. You couldn't even check to see if the boys were still behind you.

All at once, Youpi smashed the steps behind you. You could feel the ground give way slightly, yet still you pushed on. The stairs didn't matter. As long as the boys were okay. 

You relaxed slightly hearing their footfalls behind you. Two pairs of footsteps. Then one. You froze, watching Gon breeze past you without a second thought. You looked back to see Killua running in the opposite direction. Your eyes catching Ikalgo’s aura.

Thinking on your feet, you sent one of your puppets after Killua. You didn't waste a second chasing after Gon. He needed you more right now. He wasn't thinking rationally. If there was one thing you knew about Killua, it was that he kept a level head. Half of your nen should be enough to help him. 

You continued to make your way outside. Eyes widening seeing Morel’s ability. If he was there, then the king was somewhere else entirely. Gon, having noticed the same thing, took off in another direction. And just before you could enter another building, he stopped short. Body tensing.

You followed his gaze.

You didn't believe what you were seeing. The amount of power swirling around some sort of ant. No, it wasn't just some ant. It had to be the king. His aura radiated acceptance. He wasn't angry or malicious. Not a trace of bloodlust. He held himself high without any worry.

Even if you were at full power, even if you were in your prime…You could never take him on. No one from your former clan could. For the first time since you were seven, you felt lesser. Insignificant in this thing’s presence. 

Was that Netero?

He saw you and Gon, gesturing behind himself with a grin. One that said they're all yours. 

That stupid old bastard!

That fucking idiot!

You were swept away in a surge of furious, vengeful aura. So incredibly dark and full of malintent you had to take a step away. The feeling was suffocating. Undeniably, it felt evil.

You wanted to snap him out of it. You wanted to see her in his eyes. But he was getting closer and closer to the edge of no return. That old geezer shouldn't have goaded him on. Morel shouldn't have pushed him earlier. 

What could you do? 

You couldn't tell him not to fight. This was personal. And he'd only double down if you tried. Knock him out maybe? He'd never forgive you for it, but you were running out of options. All you knew was as of right now, Pitou couldn't be killed.

They needed to be alive to fix Kite. 

“Gon! Y/n!” Killua called out.

You forced yourself to turn around, seeing Henry sitting on his shoulder before he transferred back to you. Your nen whole once again.

He frowned seeing your shaken up state. Then his eyes landed on his grandfather. He took in the situation fully. Netero and his grandfather had the King. Which meant…Pitou was in the tower.

He wanted to open his mouth to scold you for using your ability. Tell you not to waste it on making sure he was okay. But the sound of Gon’s voice made him freeze. Like you, he could feel something wasn't right. 

“Pitou is right over there.” Never had Gon’s tone been this cold.

How could the sun be hiding so much darkness?

“Let's go,” He ordered.

Killua stayed behind as Gon continued on his way. He could feel his eyes watering. His lip trembling. He wanted to ask why. What exactly was Gon asking of him? He didn't want to believe that he…

“It's gonna be okay, Killua. I promise you.” Your voice snapped him from his thoughts.

You reached down to swipe away his tears. He allowed himself to break in front of you, if only for a moment.

“But he's never… he's never spoken like that before. Like we weren't friends. How am I supposed to ignore that?” He sobbed, wrapping his arms around you in an attempt to seek out comfort.

He didn't know what you could do, but he wanted you to do something. He wanted you to get Gon back to normal. He always listened to you. 

“You don't. I don't want to tell you to push your feelings down, but we have to wait until this is over to talk to him.” You tried to reassure.

“He's hurting real bad right now. Whether he knows it or not, he needs our support right now.”

You pulled back to stare him in the eye.

“Please, stay strong a little longer for me.”

He nodded feebly, wiping at the snot and tears on his face. If you said things would be okay, he believed you. He composed himself the best he could. Grabbing at your hand like a child as you followed after Gon.

He was surprised to see his Grandfather still there.

“Hey there.” The old man greeted.

Your protective aura immediately wrapped around both boys. Zeno raised a brow at that. His eyes trailing down to where Killua was still clasping your hand tightly. He got it now.

So that was why he changed so much. Why he stood a little taller now. It should've made the boy weak, your care towards him. Instead, it'd made him stronger. No use dwelling on it. He did what he came here to do.

“If you'll excuse me, my job here is done. I know nothing beyond the mission I was given.”

The words were ominous. The feeling of dread only amplifying. 

“Killua, when you get inside, you make the call.” The old man prompted. 

“Make the call?” Killua said, confused by the implications of his grandfather’s words. 

He said nothing else, leaving the three of you alone. 

You didn't know what you were expecting. Perhaps for the manic aura you'd encountered that night to be full force. You couldn't possibly have predicted the sight in front of you. You didn't want to believe it either. After everything that cat ant put you through…After what they put Kite through…

Pitou was healing a girl. 

All their aura gone and placed into the nurse-like creature next to them. Putting all their focus into making sure the girl was okay. It made your stomach churn uncomfortably. You could see it in their aura. Pitou had changed. You didn't think the bloodthirsty creature could. Couldn't fathom the newfound humanity they'd gained.

They deserved to suffer.

They tried to kill you.

And yet you were willing to reach a compromise.

Something must've been fucked in your head to feel a shred of sympathy for this thing. Pitou turned around slowly to face the three of you. A protective fear radiating off them. It was ironic. So many people had died at the hands of this creature, and yet it was putting everything on the line for one girl. What could've caused this?

Gon's malicious aura spiked. It had you trembling.

“Do you remember who I am.” He said lowly.

His demeanor reminded you of Father. You didn't know how to bring him back in. You were scared to try.

“My name is Gon Freecs! And I came here for one reason! To make you restore Kite!” 

His voice felt like it was rumbling off the walls. Pitou kneeled protectively in front of the girl. It looked like…A bear protecting its cub.

You hated this thing. Hated how the situation reminded you of your own. So much going on at once, you struggled to find one thing to focus on. You couldn't think with the outpour of Gon’s menacing aura. 

His eyes looked between Pitou and the girl. Hands clenching in a searing anger. His output increasing that much more.

“Get away from her. Now.” He demanded.

Pitou was still. The panic in their aura rising. Gon stalked towards them. You tried to force your feet after him, but you couldn't move. 

“I said step away from her. And take that monster with you.” He glared at Pitou's ability.

He probably thought they were hurting the girl. But the more rational part of your brain new better. He didn't want the girl getting in his way. This wasn't the Gon you knew and loved. This wasn't the same kid who thought with his heart first. 

“I came here so I could make Kite whole again! So come and fight me!” He shouted.

Pitou immediately placed their hands on the floor. Palms up as a show of submission. It temporarily shocked Gon into letting up on his ren. You were in a similar state of disbelief.

How the hell could so much change in such a short time? 

“Please. Just wait a while.” Their voice was shaky. Pleading for the chance to fix that girl.

But the anger that had been bottled up for months needed an outlet. Gon needed to lash out. Anything that would alleviate the grief and guilt in his chest. He was blind to anything else. Murky aura amplifying tenfold by the humanity Pitou displayed.

“ARE YOU KIDDING! WHY THE HELL SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU!?! GET UP! WE'RE GOING OUTSIDE!”

He planned on killing them. You couldn't let him. No matter how upset he was. If Pitou died, the plan was over. Kite would be gone forever. So why the hell weren't you speaking up? Why was your voice caught in your throat? 

Gon approached closer to Pitou. 

“I'LL DO ANYTHING!” They pleaded in a last ditch effort to keep him away.

“I'll do anything you want me to do! But you have to wait. Because I…I have to save this person no matter the cost!”

Never had you felt so sick to your stomach. If only this change had come to Pitou sooner. Or perhaps it'd been better if it didn't happen at all.

“Save? What do you mean by save, huh?” Gon questioned.

One wrong word and he'd snap. Killua quickly tried to take over the situation.

“Anything? You say that you'll do anything?” He asked the ant, knowing this might've been your in to save Kite.

But Gon was too far gone by now.

“Killua. I'm asking the questions here.” He snapped.

You could feel his heart break at Gon's words. See the wobble of his lip as he tried to formulate a response. You'd had enough of this.

“You're acting like a brute!” At last you had found your voice. 

Your feet felt like lead as you walked forward. Gon tensed slightly at your voice.

“They don't want to fight. For whatever reason, they're taking care of that girl. If you can't think with a level head, then you need to leave.” You were at your limit.

You hoped he'd find some clarity in your words. But it felt as if he'd directed his anger towards you. 

“I… I remember you.” Pitou spoke up.

They remember you shoving the other human away to save him. They remembered you moving fast. How you ran off with two smaller humans. The feeling of slicing through your flesh. 

“I'm sorry for what I did.” they apologized.

If anything, they were grateful for your presence now. The boy was listening to you. He was letting you speak. Pitou opted for appealing to your humanity instead. Their best bet at keeping Komugi safe was you.

“This girl is…precious to someone I really care about. More than you could possibly know,” they began to explain.

“Because of her, the king became who he is today. If she ceases to exist, the king will cease to be who he is. She means that much.” They searched your eyes for a glimmer of sympathy.

When they found it, they pleaded harder. Doing their best to ignore the ever darkening aura of the boy next to you.

“So all I want…Is for her to live. I beg you to let me heal her. And then I'll do anything you ask of me. So please just wait!” 

Despite their words being directed at you, they were out in the open for the wrong person to hear. Gon took a step forward, and Pitou started to tremble once more.

“You want to save her life?” The question hung in the air, disbelief evident in his tone.

“You're telling me that you really want to save this girl's life?”

Everything poured out all at once. Gon started hyperventilating, pointing an accusing finger in their direction.

“HOW DARE YOU!”

Your senses were swarmed by anger and hate. Grief and malice. Denial and vengeance. You took a step back. You wanted it to stop. Arms wrapping around yourself in an attempt to protect yourself from everything negative combined.

“DAMN IT! WHY YOU! WHY SHOULD I WAIT!?! WHY SHOULD I DO ANYTHING YOU SAY!?!” 

He stalked forward with the intent to kill. You couldn't stop him. 

“Gon, just wait a second!” Killua called out.

“Look. That girl's really hurt. Probably because of us and grandpa's Dragon Dive.”

He stopped walking. Never had he sounded so cruel. So uncaring about another life.

“And?” Like he didn't see the problem with advancing forward.

“And? Pitou's likely healing her. Well, that's what it looks like anyway. So hold off. Wait until it's done.” It was the last attempt to get him to come to his senses.

“Likely? Probably?” Gon said the words like they were poison in his mouth.

“You want me to wait because of that!?! Even if we did wait, there's no way we can guarantee Pitou will follow through on that promise!” 

He'd completely snapped. Aura unrelenting as it poured out in an endless fountain.

“Probably!?! Likely!?! For real!?? The hell with that!”

He turned around to berate his best friend.

“QUIT MESSING AROUND! WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!?!”

Your fingers dug into your skin before releasing. Your hands clenching by your side. Shaking from the pressure. This wasn't your kid.

He needed to stop.

You needed to protect yourself from him.

“YOU WANT- YOU WANT ME TO TRUST THIS THING!?! SERIOUSLY!?! BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL-!”

SLAP

The sound of your palm hitting him reverberated throughout the room. The force of it sending him to the floor. Gon looked up at you in shock. 

You realized your mistake too late. Disgust consuming your entire being. You didn't mean- You didn't want to do that! How could you ever hit your own kid? You deserved to die. Your eyes were burning with tears. Entire body shaking in repulsion.

He looked up at you heartbroken. The expression mixing in with betrayal. 

You just wanted him to stop.

You didn't want to hurt him.

You'd been pushed to a breaking point you didn't think you could come back from. The tension on your shoulders making you double down. He'd been behaving like them. But so had you.

“HOW DARE YOU SPEAK LIKE THAT IN MY PRESENCE! WE HAVE A JOB TO DO! DON'T LET YOUR UNCHECKED EMOTIONS RUIN IT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!”

You were a monster. How far would you descend into madness by the end of the night? How far would you keep going? 

You were breathing heavily, trying to keep your composure. But seeing the red swell on his cheek made you want to grovel for forgiveness. 

You could feel his hurt increase. Watching him lift a hand to his cheek and wince at the sting. A scowl overtook his features. Angry tears beginning to run down his face.

“IT’S NOT FAIR! WHY?!? WHY ARE YOU TAKING THEIR SIDE!?! AFTER EVERYTHING THEY DID TO KITE!?! AND YOU WANT TO LET THEM LIVE!?! WHY!?! DAMNIT TELL ME!!!!”

“IF YOU WOULD STOP BEING SELFISH FOR ONE SECOND, YOU'D SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE!” You shouted back.

“IF WE KILL PITOU, WE'D NEVER BE ABLE TO BRING KITE BACK! YOU'D THROW AWAY OUR ONLY OPPORTUNITY! QUIT ACTING LIKE A LITTLE KID!”

He went silent. His murky aura retreating back to him. Yet his anger was still very much present. It gave you hope, of only for a moment. Then he spoke, voice unwavering and cold.

“I hate you. You're nothing but a pathetic coward who can't even hold their own.”

And then he said something he hoped hurt you. Not caring about the repercussions it would bring.

“It's no wonder your sister died.”

Your hands clenched. Your own angry aura lashing out. Don't do it. You disgrace. Don't do it. You knew he wanted a reaction from you. You weren't about to give it to him.

You slammed your fist into the wall, crumbling it completely. You didn't want to do something else you'd regret.

“Gon that's enough!” Killua reprimanded. 

He didn't seem to hear him, walking until he was directly in front of Pitou.

He didn't mean it.

Gon would never mean something like that. 

But you didn't think you could forgive him for saying that. Using the secret you'd confided in him to hurt you. You sacrificed so much of yourself for these kids. You didn't ask for much in return. Just the understanding that you were doing your best. You didn't know how you'd get through this one.

You supposed he'd never forgive you either for raising a hand at him. 

“For how long? How long should we wait?” He interrogated the cat ant.

You could feel relief radiate from them.

“I estimate it'll take three to four hours to heal her completely.” They answered.

You knew Pitou was lying to you. You knew they were trying to buy time. And dammit you knew you shouldn't have a shred of sympathy for this thing. But…

But Gon was going too far. He needed a buffer. Anything that might give him time to cool off. You couldn't guarantee the full three hours, but you'd try your best.

“Sorry. Too long.” Gon denied.

You spoke up before Pitou could try to plead for more time.

“Give them a little over an hour.”

He was about to snap at you again, but you didn't give him the opportunity to.

“You said you'd owe me any favor from Greed Island, remember? I'm calling it in right now. Let them heal the girl for an hour.”

You directed your attention to Pitou next.

“And once you're done, you're gonna fix our friend. The off chance you can't…You'll take your own life as payment. Do we have a deal?”

They bowed down their head to you. Truthfully, their priority was the king. They needed to protect him at all costs. If they couldn't fix the human you wanted, then they would leave back to the king's side. But you didn't need to know that.

“I promise.”

A beat of silence. And then your eyes were piercing through theirs. They were unforgiving and knowing.

“Mean it.” You said.

“What?”

“I said mean it when you promise me.” You repeated.

You wouldn't let them get out of this that easily. It was fine. As long as they kept you and that boy away from the king, they could die willingly.

“I swear.” They affirmed, deceit no longer in their aura.

You took a step back, watching as Gon sat himself right in front of Pitou.

“I'll wait right here for one hour.” He conceded.

Neither of you noticed when Killua slipped out of the room. He couldn't handle the tension. Gon had spoken down to him, like he was nothing. Friends weren't supposed to do that. You said he was hurting. That wasn't an excuse to lash out. 

Killua couldn't believe his ears when he'd brought up your past against you. It'd made him mad. Gon was gonna end up making you leave again. And then what? How were they supposed to do this without you?

You'd hit Gon too. He doesn't think he's ever seen that side of you. Even when Killua had been provoking you, never in a million years did he think you would hit him. So what exactly was it that made you slap Gon?

It scared him straight. He knows if he was in the same position he would have broken. 

There were signs, weren't there? Your frantic state. Scared and terrified of the power engulfing you. You pushed yourself to be here. 

He couldn't stand what the NGL had brought out in the two of you. For his sake, he needed space. He needed something to get out all these pent up emotions. The hurt. The anger. The worry. So he left.

You'd been too focused on making sure Gon kept his word to notice. Pitou looked between the two of you. They felt better with you here, leaning closer to your side. As if seeking out protection from Gon’s hateful gaze.

You didn't know how long it'd been. You were sure Gon was keeping track though. Without much thought, you let your en back out. Your 100 meter radius down to 70 from your stress. You felt around for anything heading your way. Faintly you could sense Morel and Knuckle's aura. They were on the cusp of being out of your reach. They were fighting another beastly aura. 

They were struggling. 

You should help them. You shouldn't be sitting here doing nothing. But you just couldn't risk Gon snapping and killing Pitou. You shifted slightly, preparing to make your decision. 

A flicker of life was heading towards you. So small you almost missed it. Two smidges of life floated above you. The aura was disingenuous. It shifted into curiosity after a while. Someone was watching you.

You didn't spare them a glance, concealing the nen in your palm. It slithered like a snake right under the small blimps of life. Little by little one of your puppets formed. Right before you could command it to strike, the aura receded. 

But it wasn't gone. 

More of it started to gather outside the room. Combining until it made up a full being. They seemed unbothered by the situation. As if on cue, a pair of footsteps echoed throughout the hall. Pitou looked out the door in fear.

“Just stay back. Don't come any closer, alright?” They pleaded with the unknown party.

The footsteps picked back up.

“Pouf please!”

You got up slowly. If this was another royal guard, you'd take care of it. You needed an outlet right now. Before they could speak, you met the new ant's eye. 

A butterfly? 

“I don't think so. Let's go.” You gestured back out the door.

He returned your gaze with a glare. Uninterested composure slipping.

“I've got an ass kicking with your name on it.”

A disgusted expression crossed his face. Aura brimming with hostility.

“Excuse me? And what gives you the impression you can give orders to me?” 

A strand of nen wrapped tightly around his neck. He didn't even sense it. Unbeknownst to Pouf, your abilities were somewhat similar. You could read emotions just as he could. Tell what the enemy was thinking. But yours was more practiced. It had him outclassed in a way he was unaware of.

“I wasn't asking.” You said, heading towards the door.

He spared a look over your shoulder at Pitou. Mischief littering his aura before he trailed after you.

“Very well then.”

The grin soon wiped off his face. You reached out and grabbed the particle he released. Crushing it in your hands before speaking. 

“I don't think you understand the position you're in. I'm not gonna let your bullshitery enter this room. Get out or I'll drag you out.”

Your top priority was making sure Gon waited the full hour. Any threat to that needed to be stopped. The ant scowled at you. A petty hatred radiating off him. Still, he followed obediently behind you.

Knowing they were about to be left alone with Gon, Pitou called out to you. 

“Wait! Please don't leave!” They begged. 

“Shut up. Just let them go.” Gon silenced.

It was the last thing you heard before exiting completely. Your en was fully activated to catch any tricks Pouf might throw at you. He faced you without worry, believing you weren't a threat at all.

If anything, he thought you were a fool. Attempting to do what Pitou successfully had.

“May I ask you something?”

But you saw right through it. This thing didn't have a shred of humanity. An animal in every sense of the word. 

“Go to hell.” You responded.

His scowl deepened. He needed to get rid of you. That boy was a problem. And you were the obstacle getting in the way of dealing with him. He tried to gauge your emotional state. There was nothing but an unshakable resolve. 

“Very well then. Have it your way.”

Subduing you should be more than enough. He could always come back and kill you later. Mind made up, he spread his wings and threw his scales at you in mass. 

Even if you tried to get away, you'd be breathing them in. He had you. But as the dust settled, there was a little ballerina in your place. He felt something slam into his artificial body. Another puppet had attacked him.

You were nowhere to be seen.

What the hell?

“I don't have time for this. I must see the King at once.” He grumbled.

“Over here!” You called out.

A foolish mistake. He would not let you get away again. He spit into smaller segments. A few hundred of them charging at you while the others made a beeline away. His core spared a glance back, smiling triumphantly to see his segments holding down their target.

Only to realize it wasn't you. That same ballerina beamed up at the segments with hollow eyes.

“Strike two!” It cheered.

Pouf let out a frustrated noise before deciding to scamper away. Core flying away as fast as he could.

“Fuck! He's getting away!”

You needed one more. One more hit…. One more aura sample. Your eyes scanned for the real him. Spotting it, you used your speed to grab him from the air. 

He gave out a choked sound. 

“Let me go!” He screamed.

You were falling fast back down. Having scaled the side of the building to catch him. He was at your mercy. You could kill him right now. You should kill him. You could feel a mass form next to you. Looking up just in time to see his fake body lunge towards you. 

Bingo!

It's fist making contact with a metallic surface.

“Strike three! Yippee! Game over.” Shika cheered.

Confused, Pouf flew away. 

You landed on your feet. Shika summoned besides you. You couldn't unsummon her or you'd lose Pouf’s ability. You might be able to risk going after him. But your power was cut in half. Realistically you had no chance if the other guard was with him.

A damn shame.

You made your way back to where Pouf and Gon were, stopping at the call of your name.

 “Y/n. What happened to you? Where's Pouf?” Knuckle questioned. 

He thought he saw the butterfly and go this way.

“I dealt with most of him.” You answered.

“Most?”

“A little piece of him got away.”

“His damn segments,” he mumbled before addressing you again.

“That bastard is still out there.” 

“It's okay. I got what I needed from him. If I see him again, I can go all out.” You assured.

He finally noticed the smaller being by your side. He decided not to bring it up. Instead gesturing towards the door behind you.

“How’s Gon doing?”

You let out a drained sigh.

“I wouldn't go in there. He's not himself. He won't listen to anyone right now. Not even me. One wrong word and it's all over. He'll kill Pitou if he's pushed. It's best to leave him alone.” You explained.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded.

“Positive. Please, tell the others not to disturb him.”

Right as the words left your mouth, someone else called out to you.

“Y/n?” It was Killua.

Behind him was Ikalgo and a new ant. You scanned her with your eyes and froze and the familiarity of it. 

“Palm?”

She smiled at you. 

Without thinking, you went up to her and pulled her into a hug.

“Oh Palm, what did they do to you?” You said softly.

You could feel her embarrassment from the contact. Yet she hugged you back all the same.

“They turned me into an ant. I died. But they brought me back. Am I…Do you think Knov will still love me?” She asked shyly.

You pulled back from her with a small smile.

“He better. I was so worried about you. I'm glad to see you're okay.”

Killua cleared his throat, effectively catching your attention.

“I thought if Gon saw Palm was okay, he'd calm down a little.”

Your expression turned somber, shaking your head no.

“He's too far gone. We can't push him right now. It's better if we leave him alone. I'm the only one fast enough to save Pitou if he changes his mind.”

With no other choice but to wait, you all stood by the doorway. It felt like an eternity before they emerged. You were engulfed in the volatile aura once more. 

Pitou hesitated by the exit, turning around to try and comfort the girl. They stopped immediately hearing Gon’s threat. He'd actually threatened to kill Komugi.

You were helpless to do anything. The others in equal shock at his brutal display. Knuckle offered to keep Pitou at bay if they tried anything. But Gon brushed him off. His mind already made up.

“For some reason…I trust Pitou.” He justified, though it sounded like the complete opposite.

You could feel Pitou plotting something in desperation. Their eyes met yours. Silently begging you with their eyes to come along. The hope in them vanishing completely at Gon’s next choice of words.

“Take care of that girl for us until we save Kite.” He ordered.

“Once Pitou heals Kite, we'll release her. I promise you that.” His tone almost mocking as he addressed the cat ant.

“So guess that means for now, you're just gonna have to trust me too. Right, Pitou?” 

They nodded slowly. Following closely behind Gon as he made his way back to Peijing. The icky feeling you've had all night consumed you. You wanted to go after him, something in your gut told you to go. But just this once, you ignored it.

You convinced yourself things would be okay.

“You should've gone with him,” Knuckle said.

“Why didn't you?”

You didn't know how to answer. You didn't know what kept you rooted on the spot. It could've been the familiarity of such malice that kept you away. It could've been not wanting Pitou to use you as a way to get to him. Or it could've done with those three little words.

‘I hate you.’

“It's fine. Now that I've laid my eyes on Gon, I'd know if something happened to him,” Palm intervened.

The subject was soon dropped. Your group of six deciding what to do next when Palm let out a gasp of surprise.

“What is it?” Knuckle asked.

“It's the king! He's coming this way!”

The air felt like it was sucked from your lungs.

“The king? Netero was supposed to take care of him! What do you mean he's on his way!?!” Your tone frantic.

Shit. 

Everybody was working with less than optimal power.

“What do we do? What can we do?” Ikalgo said hopelessly.

You needed a minute to think. A minute you didn't have as a familiar aura approached. Thousands of little blimps scattering along and heading right towards your group.

“Pouf’s segments are here! We gotta get Komugi out of here now! As for the king, if you can't fight, find a place to hide! It's the only choice we have! I'll stall him as long as I can!” You did your best to control the situation.

“Are you crazy?!? No way in hell are you fighting the King alone!” Killua argued, grabbing your arm to make sure you listened.

“He's right! We're not gonna hide like a bunch of cowards while you're being killed!” Knuckle backed up.

You didn't have time for arguments. Pouf was getting closer. Every second standing around was a second the king was getting closer. Yet the resolve of those around you was strong. 

“Then we'll deal with him when he gets here! For now, we gotta get the girl out of here!”

Right as you said it, dozens of Poufs flew into the area. He set his sights on Komugi and flew towards her. You used your ren to give them some push back. 

“Scatter! The more of these things we destroy, the weaker he'll be!”

Killua reacted first, picking up Komugi and using his God Speed to get out of there. You would have cheered him on of the situation hadn't been so dire. Knuckle and Meleoron took off next. Last was Palm and Ikalgo, who decided to help the women still trapped underground.

You were confused to see Pouf's segments only go after Killua. Flying straight at him with the intent to kill. You rushed in front, much to the ant’s dismay.

“Remember me?”

All of the segments frowned, looking over your shoulder. The ones closest to you smashed to dust.

“I'll catch and destroy every part of you!” You threatened.

His expression became manic. The segments mumbling out curses. You could faintly pick up on the muttering of one.

“First that damn girl distracts the king. Then me and Pitou's project defects to the other side. Now I gotta find some way around this human to kill Komugi!”

Everything clicked for you in that moment. Eyes widening in realization. You were frozen on the spot as a few of Pouf’s segments went last you.

‘Me and Pitou's project.’

‘I was killed...They brought me back.’

Your body shook, standing in horror at the revelation. Unawares Pouf had once again changed his course upon being unable to beat Killua. The small assassin took notice of your shell-shocked state.

“Y/n!?! What's wrong!?!” He called out.

“I've gotta…I need to…” 

You willed your body to move. Head filled with a fuzzy static. If that was the case…

“Damn!” You shouted in frustration. 

You were sure it sounded like you were crazy. Hurriedly getting the words out in an attempt to express how dire the situation really was.

“They're abilities work in tandem with each other! Pitou fixes the external damage and Pouf brings them back! If we want to save Kite, we need Pouf's ability! But I can't just leave you to the king!”

Killua’s blood went cold. Realizing the same thing as you. When Pitou couldn't fix Kite by themselves, Gon would lose it completely.

“Yes you can! Gon needs you right now! You have to tell him before it's too late! We're screwed if he kills Pitou after we've figured it out!” He urged you to leave. 

“I can't leave you!” You doubled down.

You didn't want to lose another kid. But Killua wasn't going to budge. He couldn't knowing what was on the line.

“I won't die on you! I promise you I'll get out of here alive!”

Damn it all.

You took off in the direction Kite was being held. Pushing your legs the fastest they could go. Still it wasn't fast enough. Gliding through the terrain with ease and it still wasn't enough for you. You used as much energy as you could spare to summon your en. Sensing around for Gon and Pitou. 

You thought you found him when there was an explosion of nen. Dark. So incredibly dark and filled with everything negative. Hate, Sadness, Guilt, Resignation.

You pushed yourself that much faster, suffocating the deeper you got to the center of that aura. Time seemed to freeze.

DANGER

DANGER

DANGER

Who was that!?!

The source of the heinous aura made a lunge for Pitou. The attack very much familiar to you. You pushed yourself as hard as you could and tackled Pitou out of the way.

It felt like your back was on fire. The blast of nen missing you by a centimeter. Still its power overwhelmed you. You rolled with the cat ant a few times. Righting yourself up to see this new enemy.

No.

It can't be.

Your expression morphed into one of terror. Hand covering your mouth and willing the vile to go down. Your body heaving and shaking. 

“Gon?”

There were parts of his aura that were similar. His clothes were similar. But everything else made you want to cry. His eyes, the ones you always found a piece of her still in, had darkened to the point of unrecognition. His body was not his own. 

What did he do to himself?

What curse did he place on himself to physically age himself up?

This had to be a nightmare.

He stood looming in front of you. Like a predator zoning in on its prey. You extended your arms out in defense of Pitou. 

“You stopped me. Why did you stop me?”

You didn't even recognize his voice. You were scared of him. Frightened at what he might do.

“You keep defending them. Does their life really mean that much to you? More than I mean to you? After everything we've been through…” He hands clenched at his side. Unimaginable power coursing through his veins.

He was looking at you like you were less than nothing. But you couldn't back down.

“Gon, you have to trust me. You're not the only one who's hurting. You're not the only one who's angry.”

You loved Kite too. 

“And it would be so easy to kill Pitou, to get this over with and say it's justice. But it's not. If you kill them, it's a path you can't come back from. You don't want this blood on your hands!”

He took a step forward.

“Please, you have to listen to me. There's another way to bring him back. Just calm down.”

You thought you'd gotten through to him. But he truly was too far gone to listen to reason.

"You're in the way. Move or I'll kill you both."

You hadn't been this scared since Father. Since your entire clan turned on you. There was no deceit in his aura. He really meant it.

You flicked your hand to the side, commanding the puppet on your shoulder to move.

“GO! GET PITOU OUT OF HERE NOW!”

You used your other puppet to block Gon’s next attack.

Your ballerina marionette’s hand morphing into a blade against Pitou's neck.

“This way now.” It instructed.

Pitou owed you a favor for saving their life. For saving Komugi’s. They let the puppet guide them back into the safehouse.

Gon’s attention was fully on you. His rage was directed towards you. And he made it known.

“Show me rock!”

You barely had enough time to dodge. With both of your puppets summoned, you were at his complete mercy.

You made a dash for the trees, hiding yourself in the foliage. Everytime he punched though one, you'd substitute with Henry last second. You didn't know how to snap him out of this.

“I know what you're going through! I've been there before! Hell, I'm still there! I know you Gon! You're not like me!”

Your energy was draining fast, yet his seemed endless. Attacking you without restraint.

“COME OUT AND FIGHT ME INSTEAD OF RELYING ON CHEAP TRICKS!”

You were crying, pleading for this kid to hear you through his pain. But your pleas continued to fall on deaf ears.

“I know this is hard! I know you've been strong for too long! Everything you've been carrying on your shoulders! But you need to hold off! You have to be willing to let Pitou live!”

He sent a surge of energy through the treetops. You evaded down…Right into his trap. His jan-ken poised and ready to crack open your skull. 

You didn't have any time to substitute.

It was a miracle you slipped. The blow only barley missing your head. You were about to rebound up when a hand wrapped around your neck. You felt yourself hanging in the air.

Your lungs denied of the oxygen they desperately needed. He stared you down with unforgiving eyes. 

You thought of Kari. How you were in the same position she'd been in 13 years prior. Your vision was blanking out. Mind running a thousand thoughts a minute. He was going to kill you. 

He was here to kill you.

Your tears ran down your cheeks and onto his hand. The sensation miraculously catching Gon’s attention.

You were…crying?

He made you cry?

For a moment the fog cleared in his mind. He saw you. He realized what he was doing. His rageful expression at last softening. The grip around your neck went lax. He was about to let you go completely when a heavy body knocked onto his side.

You fell with a thud. A murky purple haze around your eyes. Your body curled into a defensive ball. 

It was your puppet. But it was different. It's entire being surged with power. Manic, ruthless power. Its body growing and expanding to fit. It smiled with jagged teeth. 

“New game: start!”

It lunged forward. Gon tried to dodge it, but it wasn't aiming for a direct hit. It made a faint slash to his side. Bouncing around with an agility that shouldn't be possible with its size to continue slashing around. 

He summoned his nen into his palm once more. Shooting off a successful blast of aura at the jester. It only puffed out its chest to disperse the energy. Rebounding forward once again to continue its onslaught.

He met it with a punch, finally making contact. The jester only tutted at him. He realized his mistake too late. It clung to his arm, flashing a smile full of nothing but deranged madness. Try as he may to pry his arm free, this thing wouldn't let him go.

“We'll start out way up top and slit you right on down the spine!”

It's hand morphing into a saw blade, circling around his arm and sawing through the flesh. He could feel the warmth of his blood leaving his body.

“And then I'll sink my little fingers in to help slough off that rind!”

Articulated hands digging into the cut it made and yanking off the limb from his body. This thing was gonna kill him. And maybe a part of him wanted it to. He'd broken his promise to Kite. He'd hurt you.

But the onslaught only grew more violent.

The puppet punched its own monstrous arm through the gushing stub, preventing Gon from being able to pull back. It took a familiar stance that had his eyes widening.

“Jan-ken-rock!” It mimicked.

It was more concentrated than anything he'd ever been able to produce. Shattering every bone in his body, despite the aura protecting it.

You were a monster in every sense of the word. This was what you'd been holding back. This madness. Pure killer instinct to be the last one standing.

And still it wasn't done with him as he collapsed on the ground.

“You’re going to di-ie~ And then I'll wear your skin as a suit. It's a promise ~” It sang out.

Once again it charged up his ability, but there was less power this time.

“Nighty night little sun~”

It was toying with his body. Torturing him just enough to keep him alive. But he deserved it. He bet his life on saving Kite. It was only right he lost it for failing. At least it was you. If he had to be killed, he'd rather it be you that did it. 

Funny how the one supposed to be protecting him was his undoing. 

—---------------------------

Killua rushed through the forest as fast as he could. He had to warn you and Gon. Pitou could betray you two at any second. He had to get there. 

His ears picked up on a thudding sound. It came again. And again. Growing louder the closer he got. He didn't know what it was. He couldn't have predicted it either.

He got to a clearing. A surge of nen lighting up the area before it was released. He ran straight ahead, freezing in horror at the sight before him. 

On the ground, body broken to the point of being unrecognizable, was Gon.

On top of him was a bigger version of your puppet.

It charged up aura into its fist before slamming down. The cause of the repetitive noise.

And curled up under a tree was you.

“Y/N!” He screamed out your name.

Running towards you and shaking you. Begging you to stop. Feeling like he was in a horrible dream.

“Y/N! STOP! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!” He shrieked.

But at the feeling of something touching you, you broke out into a hysterically sob.

“NO!!!! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!”

The last of your energy going into your cry. Body giving out completely. As soon as you'd gone comatose, the puppet disappeared. All traces of your nen did.

Killua ran over to Gon next, not bothering to hold back his cries. He was alive, but barely. His body was mangled beyond anything he'd ever seen.

What happened here?

What was he supposed to do?

The weight of his next move hung heavily on his shoulders.

Only one. 

He could only save one. 

He was sobbing hysterically at this point. How could you both put him in this position? How could you make him choose between you two? Who mattered more?

“...I'm so sorry Y/n. Please forgive me.” He picked up Gon, casting one last glance back.

He caught sight of a dark handprint across your neck. The indentations of fingers. 

“Please forgive me. I won't be able to go on if you don't.”

Gon needed more help right now. He'd send someone to get you as soon as possible. 

—------------------------

Pitou finished up the last of Kite's stitches, making sure the skin looked normal. When your puppet first led them here, they didn't understand what was wanted of them. Already having told Gon there was no use.

But your puppet was persistent. Gesturing towards the body and hissing out a ‘fix, you must fix.’

It wasn't until it said memory that Pitou understood. Fix the body so Pouf’s ability could take care of the rest. They did their best to get it done quickly. Giving out a sigh of relief when it was over.

“My job is finished here. I need to make my way back to the king.”

They took a few steps towards the exit, unable to process what happened as their vision turned upside down. The floor becoming closer and closer to their line of vision.

“We…are not merciful.” Your puppet said quietly. Little feet entering Pitou's line of sight.

“And you broke your promise…We were never going to let you live.”

It raised its foot up, completely stomping the cat ant’s head in. Putting an end to the creature that had caused so much pain.

It picked up Pitou's mangled skull, leaving it right beside the cocoon. 

“For you.”

Then it disappeared along with the rest of your nen. Never to return again.

—----------------------------------------------------------

Fun Fact: There are no Fun Facts for this one.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm @shun-nie @snake-in-a-flower-crown

MASTERLIST

------------------------------------

An: Oh boy. Oh no. Those are my comfort characters doomed to the narrative. So uhhhh, let's talk about the slap and how the cycle of abuse is a hard one to break. Let's talk about lashing out in fear the same way Y/n was hurt because it's the only way they know how to make it stop. The only way they were taught to enact discipline. Let's talk about Gon feeling so hurt and betrayed because Y/n said they'd never hit either of them. How he never thought they'd raise their hand at him.

Oh boy, let's talk about that fight. Ah yes, my biggest inspirations: Tangled the Series’ Nothing Left to Lose, Steven Universe’s Change, specifically this cover, and Puppet History’s Pieces of You.

Let's talk about how utterly traumatizing it was for Killua to have to pick between the two people he loves the most. Let's talk him watching Y/n about to kill his best friend. Let's talk about him seeing their crushed wind wipe and knowing Gon tried to kill them too. 

Let's talk about the consequences of our actions ladies and gentlemen. Let's theorize the aftermath and how things are about to get worse before they can get better.

[samurx]

In the wake of Iron

(I don’t know what this is, but felt like writing it)

I was ten when my father built the first Iron Man suit in a cave.

Not a lab. Not some shiny Stark tower. A cave. With scraps.

The world saw a miracle. I saw a man who had finally met the monster he helped create and decided to fight it. Before that, he was… charming, reckless, brilliant, and completely unavailable. I loved him. I also resented him. You don’t grow up as Tony Stark’s daughter without learning how to hold a conversation by yourself. He loved his work—sometimes more than he knew how to love people. But that cave changed something.

When he came home, everything shifted. He shut down weapons manufacturing—Stark Industries, the empire my grandfather built. The board wanted his head. The world called him unstable. But I remember how steady his hands were when he held my face and said, “No more.”

Then came the suit. The real one. Red and gold, loud as hell, fast as light. I watched it take shape in the garage under our house—not a product, not a prototype. A promise. He said, “I finally know what I have to do.” And from that day, he didn’t stop.

People think the Avengers started with some government file or top-secret program. It didn’t. It started with my dad, flying too close to the sun and refusing to come back down. He pissed off the right people, saved the wrong ones, and somewhere along the way, a god fell from the sky.

Thor was the first alien I ever saw in real life. Golden hair, hammer that no one else could lift, voice like thunder in a suit. My father didn’t like him at first. He didn’t like anyone at first. But they needed each other. All of them did. Steve Rogers, brought back from a time when everything was simpler and more impossible at once. Banner, trying to keep a beast in his skin. Natasha, who could kill with a glance and still hold a conversation like nothing ever happened. Clint, quiet eyes that saw everything. And later… Wanda, Vision, Sam, Peter…

It was never a team. It was a collision.

But they became a team. In New York, when the sky opened and aliens poured out of it, I watched from our panic room. I couldn’t reach him. Couldn’t talk to him. I just sat there, eyes locked on the screen, watching him fly that nuke into a portal with no promise of return. That was the moment I knew—he would always choose the world over himself.

That was the first time he almost died for it. It wouldn’t be the last.

And Hydra? Don’t even get me started. They weren’t just the villains. They were the reason Dad couldn’t sleep, the reason he started building AI, the reason Ultron existed at all. He wanted to protect the world. But he never realized how close you can get to destroying something when you try too hard to save it. Ultron was that mistake made real. And when Sokovia fell… part of him broke too. He didn’t say it out loud, but I heard it in the silence between his sentences.

Then came Wanda. I think he saw her as both a threat and a tragedy. He never blamed her—not really. Maybe because he understood what it was like to live with guilt stitched into your bones.

Vision was different. Something Dad created, almost by accident, that became better than any of us. Calm. Curious. Gentle. He looked at the world like it was worth loving. Even when it wasn’t.

And Peter… God. The kid. He reminded me of Dad in ways that scared me. All that potential, all that heart. So desperate to do good, to be enough. Dad tried to protect him, but let’s be honest—Peter broke through the walls he built better than anyone ever had.

When the Sokovia Accords happened, I stood in the hallway and listened to my father argue with Steve. It was like watching two sides of the same coin fight to be heads. Steve believed in people. Dad believed in structure. And they both broke something in the process.

Then came Thanos.

I don’t think anyone can understand what it felt like to see half the universe vanish unless you lived it. And watching my father come back after five years—older, quieter, with a daughter of his own—it was like watching a man reborn. He had everything to lose now. And still… he went back. He put the suit on one more time.

I watched the footage of that final fight once. Just once. That moment where he takes the stones, where he looks at Thanos and says, “I am Iron Man.”

He knew.

He always knew.

He didn’t win because he was the smartest man in the room, or because he had the best tech. He won because he never stopped caring. Even when it hurt. Even when it killed him.

People call him a hero. The godfather of the Avengers. The one who started it all.

To me?

He was my dad.

And I miss him every day.

[hyper-fixated-delusions]

All is fair in love and Mario Kart.

Wanda Maximoff x Avenger fem!reader.

A/N: I hope you enjoy and I apologize for any mistakes! Also comments, reblogs, shares and likes are super appreciated, thank you! :)

Translation: “Sestra.” Sister.

“Detka.” Baby.

“Amor.” Love.

Word count: 1,446.

Masterlist.

You should have known.

You should have known agreeing to a Mario Kart tournament with the Avengers was a bad idea.

But you were excited to try out one of the many new versions of the game.

Excited at the prospect of the nostalgia it would bring as it reminded you of simpler times.

Times where you weren't too worried about the next big bad. Times where aliens weren't invading and wreaking havoc on earth.

Honestly, this was all just supposed to be innocent fun. You relaxing while you played your favorite childhood game.

But when Tony caught you playing in the TV room of the compound and he made a bet that you just couldn't refuse, you found it hard to back down, and as many of your other teammates joined, your girlfriend included, it all got too out of hand.

On one team it was Pietro, Natasha, Steve, Bucky, Peter and you.

On the other team it was Vision, Thor, Bruce, Clint, Wanda and Tony.

Once the tournament began, you all played like your lives depended on it, pouring out all of your skills into each round. The competitiveness arising in all of you a tenfold at the stakes that were given.

There was coercion, and threats being thrown around, anything to ensure a win that didn’t include using your powers, it was there and having both teams at a tie as the final round was about to commence, you can feel the tension in the air as the last two players are randomly chosen and you gulp when you realize it’s you versus Wanda.

“Alright lovebirds, it all comes down to you two,” Tony begins as you shake your arms up and down, bouncing on your toes as if you're about to enter the boxing match of your life. “Whoever wins this round ensures the win of their team. Remember the winning team has no chores for 3 months, losers must take on those chores, got it?” He says, and both you and Wanda nod, “okay, go!”

Beginning the round against your girlfriend had you nervous to say the least, Wanda showing promising skills from her previous rounds as she quickly picked up ways to ensure her success. But as you finish the first lap of the race you quickly realize you're definitely going to beat your girlfriend, your skills slightly better than hers as you’ve played many times before and your loud thoughts cause Wanda to throw you a quick side glare.

“So smug detka, already thinking you’ve won when there's still 2 more laps to go,” she says, accent prominent in her competitiveness.

“Sorry amor, but what can I say? I'm just that good,” you say, shrugging with a smirk as Wanda gapes when you hit her with a series of objects, making her character move onto last place.

“Oh, you are so going down sestra,” Pietro exclaims happily, bouncing in his spot.

“Shut it Piet,” Wanda grumbles angrily. “Baby,” the witch begins with a sweet voice, causing you to tense, “if I lose, just know that no kisses will be given to you for the 3 months that it takes for me to complete my punishment,” your girlfriend says in a singsong tone and her threat makes you falter, making you immediately go from 1st to 5th place.

“Whoa, no, no wait. You can't do that! You can’t take kissing away from me,” you pout, “that's not fair!”

Wanda merely shrugs, a smug smirk on her face, knowing that you can't live without her kisses.

“Okay, hey! No!” Natasha exclaims suddenly, snapping her fingers beside you, “focus up Y/L/N, because if we lose this tournament, I will make sure you don't get to kiss Wanda for 3 months, you got that?” The redhead threatens back and you gulp using your objects to make it back to first place.

It's the final lap and Wanda's character is in 2nd place trailing right behind you, you could feel the tension in the air at this moment, everyone holding their breaths as they await a winner.

Quickly you cast your eyes to the bottom corner of the screen and see that Wanda has one final shell in her arsenal as you have a banana peel and by the looks of the approaching finish line, you know for certain your girlfriend is going to use it on you to help ensure her win.

So what you do before she has a chance to hit you is, you place yourself right in front of her character and deploy the banana peel causing Wanda's character to spin out of control just before she has a chance to hit you with her shell, making you win first place.

“Fuck yeah! Way to go Y/N,” someone from your team exclaims, as the rest of the group have their hands thrown in the air in celebration, rounding you immediately to hug you for ensuring their victory.

As you and your team celebrate your win Pietro suddenly jumps up onto the coffee table.

“Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to be like me,” he says as he fake sweeps his shoulders, “so many! I am a king, I am unstoppable, I rule the world!” He exclaims and the opposing team roll their eyes at the speedster’s antics.

“Oh please Piet, you didn't even win one of your Mario Kart rounds, get down,” Wanda says, pulling her brother off the table.

Smiling widely due to your victory and your girlfriend's actions you approach Wanda and pucker up your lips jokingly, “celebratory kiss?” You ask, as you get close to her face.

But before you can reach her lips, Wanda's hand comes in between your faces, “no, shut up, I'm mad at you for winning, so get away from me,” the redhead says, shoving your face softly causing you to let out a laugh.

“I'm sorry amor,” you begin, approaching your girlfriend slowly, “but I had to win, Nat is scary!" You say as you reach her, your arms go around Wanda's waist, “I definitely did not want to know what she was going to do to prevent me from kissing you for three months if I lost us the tournament,” you whisper, eyes quickly glancing towards the redhead assassin that's standing across the room and Wanda chuckles softly, arms going around your neck to play with the baby hairs at your nape.

“Oh, my poor big baby,” your girlfriend teases with a smirk and you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, that’s easy for you to say, she didn't threaten you! She may be small, but she's mighty,” you say, whispering softly in order to prevent your words from reaching the assassin's ears.

“Oh really, so I’m small? You want to start shit Y/L/N, is that it?” Natasha asks, as she suddenly stands behind you.

You turn around quickly, “no. No! I'm not starting anything! Also how the fuck are you already behind me?” You exclaim, eyes wide in shock and fear, “and hey, I said small, but mighty! So please don't hurt me,” you say, going behind Wanda for protection and the team laughs at your antics due to your fear of Natasha and the height difference between you and your girlfriend, your frame still in clear view behind Wanda.

“You won us the tournament, which means no chores for three months, so you're safe for now, but next time I won't be so kind,” Natasha says, a teasing glare on her face.

“Okay, okay. I'm sorry,” you say hands up in surrender, then you grab Wanda's hand and softly pull her towards you, “also, you know what? I'm just going to go to bed before I put my foot in my mouth again, so bye. Goodnight losers, enjoy your chores,” you say grinning smugly as you walk away from the group. Suddenly stopping when you feel Wanda stop from beside you, her hand being pulled out of your grasp and you turn to see a frown on your girlfriend’s face as a slight glare is directed at you, “oh shit, wait, no, not you baby, not you. They’re the losers,” you say, smiling sheepishly.

“Hey, so uh, where's that foot at Y/L/N?” Clint teases with a laugh.

“Hey, so uh, mind your business Clint,” you retort, blushing red as you turn to look at the witch, “baby, come on. I was talking about them being losers, not you,” you say as Wanda begins storming away from you, “Max, come on amor, I swear I wasn’t talking about you,” you exclaim as you jog to catch up to your girlfriend.

[cheerstotheelites-if]

I've considered to stop working on this IF.

As much as I've promised to update and have all of you wait for one for so long, I'm sorry to disappoint you all that it's not going to happen. I've been thinking about this for a while already, and I think it's for the best.

I've made this IF at a very low moment in my life, and considering the personal things that has happened to me after, this IF unfortunately reminds me of those dark times. I genuinely want to work on this, but at the same time the frustration I've felt on trying to write for this IF feels more like a chore to me the longer I tried, unlike something I genuinely want to make and explore the premise of. I love the characters, the lore, and the story I have made and have in mind for this, and it's a shame that my feelings toward it has changed overtime to something negative, and I don't want to work on something with those kinds of feelings. It'll only bring a subpar product, and you all deserve so much more and better than mediocre.

So, what now? For now, I'm working on my other IF (@julietandcinderella-if) with the Prologue and Chapter 1 already out and Chapter 2 in the works at the time this has been posted. I've grown fond of the simpler stories and premises, while Cheers was too ambitious and complex for me as a starting IF, unfortunately. I've overestimated and have been overconfident in my own skills, and I deeply apologize for that.

I'll put Cheers on an indefinite hiatus, alongside another WIP (@retribution-if) since my feelings towards it has also grown similarly. I won't be deleting any of the blogs, since I might want to come back to them again in the future. Though I can't guarantee nor promise anything.

Thank you, everyone, for sticking by me on this journey for so long. I appreciate and am forever grateful for your support for these past years. I had fun trying to make this IF and interact with all of you, but for now I'm putting this one to rest.

- L

[k-s-morgan]

Oooooh, what did you not like about the latest season?

Personally, I like it a lot, even if it's nowhere near the level that the next arc is going to be (no, seriously, this next arc has some of the heaviest focus on Sebastian's relationship with Ciel in the entire manga, I think you'll love it too, especially considering how messed up it gets, they BETTER not ruin it) but the school arc is pretty fun and a nice arc to go back to as "simpler" times.

I guess I'm enjoy it so much because it really shows Ciel in a setting where he is forced to interact with people his age, and the study on how different he is from his peers and the ways they still connect is pretty nice. The match is also one of the funniest bits in the story and adds a levity that I quite enjoyed. I love when my ruthless kid characters that were forced to grow up too quickly have the opportunity to be silly, even if Ciel was very harebrained about it, lol.

I am curious on your thoughts!

Hi! Here's the post with some of my thoughts on the Black Butler School Arc.

Don't get me wrong, I still loved it - and Ciel and Sebastian's antics made me delirious with happiness. But I expected something more from the plot itself. I got used to BB delivering stunning twists and turns, but the School Arc reminded me of BoA too much - of a less epic version of it. The outcome with the Undertaker and his dolls felt too repetitive.

In addition, I had some issues with parts of the humor and animation itself. I know the majority loved it, but I preferred the style of other seasons.

I'm incredibly excited for Green Witch, though! I watched the first episode and I adored it - everything about it, from the style, which seems a mix between the older and the newer version, to Ciel and Sebastian and the mystery. I can't wait for more!

[ordowrites]

some arlecchino headcanons

we are about 34 days away from her debut and i'm excited, so i am here, with a fever and nothing to do until i recover so it's time to ramble about this woman who i've been excited for since her debut in winter night's lazzo

cw: some fluff, some not sfw mentions, afab reader but no pronouns used, use of pet names, mdni, minors dni, general warnings for canon typical violence, some mentions of D/s, sort of a sugar relationship, power imbalances, pet play, possessive behaviors. everything is consensual. please ask if something should be tagged i didn't get already

arlecchino is, for the lack of a better word, a kind lover. she isn't inherently cruel nor would she never intentionally raise a hand to you unless you ask very nicely. she is attentive for someone of her stature and position, she knows many things about you although you know very little about her - still, having your likes and dislikes, favorite color, dream wedding, and so on is to her advantage. she touches you as if you may shatter beneath her touch and you're the last person in this world that she wants to corrupt.

while she is kind, she does get condescending sometimes. she likes making the decisions in the relationship and calling the shots, such as where you guys eat, what you guys eat, sometimes what you wear, simpler decisions - although, she also wants a partner who knows what they want and can speak up for themselves. being confident is important, but not egotistical. (after all, she may be calling the shots, but your thoughts are still pretty important to her)

she will pay for everything. oh don't you worry your pretty little head, she's a Harbinger, she can pay. you sit pretty and enjoy your dinner and conversation. she'll gift you things you like, get you necessities should you only ask for them. so long as it brings a smile to your face, she will do it to an extent.

in comparison to others, such as diluc, whose love language is gift giving and he loves showering his partner with expensive gifts no strings attached - arlecchino's can be underhanded and come at a price. not everything comes from the kindness of her heart, and she's more than frank enough to tell you when she wants you on your knees to work for that dress you've been eying. (and of course, you will do so)

she likes to refer to you as pet, precious, and similar names to that. maybe she views you a bit as a pet, what with that collar she presented to you sometime ago? "oh, it's so everyone knows you belong to me. would you rather something more permanent?" (of course, if you stutter out your protests about wearing a collar in public, she'll just smile, cup your face, and tell you how sweet you look). she did also gift you a lovely necklace to wear at all times after your initial shock of the collar. after all, she still does value your comfort. nothing is ever non-consensual with her. after all, she teaches her "children" the importance of consent and valuing their own lives, so she should model such teachings with you.

you have dinner at home, together, at the same time, six days a week. once a week, she will take you out to the fanciest place she can in order to show you off to the public. her arm wrapped around your waist, your dress matches her red lip stick, and she shows you off proudly to the public. everyone knows you're the Harbinger's most beloved one. And she is quick to remind anyone who forgets. (and hold your head up high, goodness sakes', she wants you to be proud of yourself. if she didn't find you worth her attention, you wouldn't be at her side.)

the two of you will also have daily tea and cake, at the same time. always your favorite or whatever you are craving at the time. she loves to spoil you with these sorts of things.

She will never allow you to meet any of the other Harbingers. For your safety, of course. You are but an innocent person in this world, but if she ever does take you to a banquet, her clawed hand will never leave your hip. Her eyes will always be on you should you ever have a need to leave her side, and soft, veiled threats to her colleagues should they dare to even look at you wrong.

Sex with Arlecchino happens whenever it happens, and she's always happy to indulge if you're feeling particularly horny. But she doesn't make it easy for you to find the relief you're chasing. She likes to draw things out, she likes to hear you make noises that make you blush, and see tears prick at your eyes as you struggle to not orgasm without her okay to do so.

She's also not the biggest fan of bondage, but if you're being particularly naughty, she'll tie you up. Or if you ask her, nicely of course. (the reason being is because she likes feeling you touch her, your touch is always so soft and gentle)

However... something has caught her eye recently - a type of bondage hailing from Inazuma. Shibari. Oh yes, she will have you in soft red rope in her office just to look at. That is, if she doesn't have you already half naked and eating her out while she works while desperately humping her shoe because she issued you a challenge and it's been a few weeks since you've last had an orgasm. Really, whichever has her fancy at the time. (she does this because she loves seeing you fucked out and needy and pliant)

she also likes marking you - bright red marks or purple all over your neck where people can see. and she's always disappointed if you try to hide them. ("for shame, do you not wish for people to know who you belong to?")

("look at you, my most perfect pet. i must say, that is a good color on you. now, hold your head up high and don't cower. let everyone see the same thing i see in you.")

[princesssarisa]

In light of all the recent Wuthering Heights discussion about Heathcliff's race, whether he's necessarily a man of color or might just be a dusky-skinned white man, and all the evidence that could point either way in the text, I'd like to share these comments.

When Heathcliff comes back after his three-year absence, Nelly describes his cheeks as "sallow" – a dull, sickly yellowish color.

Jane Eyre uses the exact same word to describe the complexion of Richard Mason, Bertha's brother.

I used to focus on that description of Mason as evidence that Bertha and her relatives are white Creoles (e.g. of Spanish or French descent), not part-black Creoles, and that besides ableism, the problem with Bertha's characterization is xenophobia, not racism. Charlotte Brontë called Mason's skin "sallow," not "dark."

But with the reminder that Emily Brontë used the same word to describe Heathcliff's complexion at one point, I realize it's ambiguous. On the one hand, that description might imply that Heathcliff is paler than we'd expect, and that by modern standards he might (just might) be an "ethnic white" man, not a man of color. On the other hand, the fact that an obviously POC-coded character like Heathcliff can also be described as "sallow" shows that this word doesn't necessarily mean Mason's skin is light.

Meanwhile, departing from the subject of race, rereading that scene of Heathcliff's return makes me notice its parallels with the earlier account of Hindley's return from college.

Both Heathcliff and Hindley come back after being gone for three years – the exact same amount of time – and are both greatly changed in their looks and demeanor. Both are better educated and more socially aware than they were before, both have become crueler and more ruthless, and both are ready to use the power society grants them – either through money, status, or the patriarchy – to "crush those beneath them," as Heathcliff says. And both, I now realize, are described as looking more sickly than before. Hindley more so, since Nelly describes him as thinner and paler than he used to be. But even though Heathcliff's body looks stronger and more athletic than before – which makes Nelly guess he might have been in the military – his complexion has turned sallow.

Throughout the book, sickliness is associated with over-civilization, while "robust good health" is enjoyed by simpler people attuned with the Yorkshire countryside and its culture. This is most obvious in the illnesses and premature deaths of Catherine (which happens because she betrays her true nature and becomes over-civilized), Edgar, Isabella, Linton, and Frances. But maybe it also appears in the thinness and pallor of Hindley and the sallowness of Heathcliff's face when they come home after three years of becoming more "civilized" and quickly turn to villainy.

@thevampiricnihal, @bethanydelleman