#and flipside when we open up a bit...

[amphibizzy]

THREE YEARS OF BEIN ABSOLUTELY DRENCHED IN #HYLICS COMMUNITY 😭🎉 it has been like no other.

and because of it i got to be part of Flipside, returning the gratitude in the form of a game back to the same community and more

[notthecutesttrash]

Grey (Pt. 1)

Content: Miya Atsumu is a bully, and his fangirls are even worse. They make your life at school a hell.

Trigger Warnings: Verbal + physical bullying, language

Word count: 7.29k

PART 2, PART 3

The bell rings and you grab your books to sprint off. Frantically you open your locker, and as you do, a white crumpled-up paper falls at your feet. You open it and find angry scribbled words, all ranging from “Loser!” to “Get lost!” and “You're pathetic.” Exhaling a sigh, you place the books into the overhead space and grab the others. 

This all started a week and a half ago.

You had been in class and the exhaustion was creeping up into your mind. It was the last hour, the sun was lowering, it looked to be a moody day, and you could only hear the teacher every other time she spoke. This time she was chewing out Miya Atsumu over a wrong answer which then turned into a long lecture. 

All you could think at the time was huh, guess he only had one skill, and that was just wooing pathetic girls over. 

The class went silent for a bit, and you exhaled a sigh, turning to the main board, only to see Atsumu and what felt to be every woman in the class glaring at you so strongly it could pierce. 

You froze, sputtering a “s-sorry…” as you bowed your head. Ever since then, you could feel a heavy shadow looming at your back. 

It was just a fleeting thought, you didn’t mean it negatively. Well, maybe you did. You weren’t sure anymore, but you don’t think you deserved this sort of treatment for such a stupid comment. 

Every other girl you passed shot you a look like you were nothing but dirt beneath their feet, even a few men. 

Was the whole world on his side? 

You cradle your books to your chest as Atsumu begins to walk down the same hallway. Look down. Just look down and nothing will happen. He turns his head to look at you as you pass, and you can feel your breath stuck in your throat. Yet as you manage past him, nothing happens. Relief instantly follows. You were going to be all right, nothing big was going to happen. It was just a stupid little comment. Soon it will all be forgotten. 

Suddenly an obstacle blocks your foot as you absentmindedly walk. You stumble and almost fall face-first into the floor. The books in your hands drop, and luckily your free hands are there to brace you. You’re on your knees, nose nearly kissing the floor as you feel a crowd pause to get a good look at you. They were snickering, and when you look up, Atsumu’s down the hall giggling, a terrible grin on his face. There's a woman in front of you, the one who presumably tripped you, laughing. You sheepishly go to grab one of the books and she kicks it to the side. 

You can get through this, this was nothing. You were sure of it. 

It's even worse when you remember that Miya Atsumu is one of the best volleyball players ever. Of course, you on the other hand, on the girl's volleyball team, are the complete opposite. Although your team was nice, they didn't talk to you much. One of the middle blockers, Angie, was giving you side eyes and little glares whenever you missed a receive. When another spike came, you dove and missed by a few inches. 

"Sorry guys.." You exhale a disappointed sigh and the ones on the other side of the net are the only ones smiling at you. 

 "No worry Y/n! Maybe it's just not your day. That's okay, it happens!" Lucy shouts with a grin, giving you a quick thumbs up. You muster a begrudging nod. 

Angie harrumphs with her hands on her waist, scanning you. "And you have the nerve to judge an all-Japan camp candidate when you can't even get one receive as our libero." You frown and cast a glare on the floor. 

Lucy huffs on the flipside. "Stop it, Angie, we all know he's good, there's no need to shove it in our faces. The point is, he's not here, and he's definitely not going to be watching you, so move on." She gasps, and the other girls can't help but snicker. You're too exhausted to even pay attention to the conversation.

Your hands are on your knees while you desperately catch your breath. 

"Inarizaki has no place for weak players." A quiet but stern woman speaks. Miyu. Her palm is holding the ball you failed to receive. 

Lucy holds her hands up and waves them around anxiously, attempting to ease everyone. "Everyone has off days. let's not bully her about it."

Angie visibly rolls her eyes. "She's been having off days for like 2 weeks straight now." 

Lucy opens her mouth to probably defend you with another sentence you don't deserve, so you just speak.

"I'm sorry, I will do better." 

No one responds as you bow, but you can feel the irritation lingering in the atmosphere. 

After practice is finished and all the girls leave, Lucy meets you outside the entrance. She has this sort of pitiful look that sinks your stomach. 

"Hey.. listen, (Y/n).." she nervously trails. You had a feeling this was going a certain somewhere. 

"The other girls seem to be complaining a bit about your performance lately.. and you know… I don't want to do this but.. the coach thinks.." She's fidgeting, struggling to come up with the right words. 

You're pouting, tears pricking your eyes. "You're cutting me off..?" Your words leave in a choked whisper. 

"No! No.. well… you might be… but! You aren’t yet. You can still prove him wrong..” 

She sighs, and her hand gently holds your arm. 

"Listen… I know you're going through some things right now. So just take your time. "She pauses, then looks at you pitifully. "Hey.. maybe if it happens.. it won't be necessarily the worst thing right now. Maybe you might even need it." She is coming from a good place, but you're hurt. 

You fail to respond and that helpless look appears again. 

“I’m sorry (Y/n)..”

You're striving to keep your expression as blank as could be as you nod. “Thanks for letting me know.” You turn fast, hoping she won't continue anymore. You just wanted to go home now.

Though, when you leave the gymnasium, you hear the boy’s side practicing. They're always extremely intense, and many times their practice runs late. You had an urge, and you decided to follow it.

Mustering up all the courage, you go inside, up to the second floor as quietly as possible while they play. Two squealing girls are already watching, too captured by the scene to care about you. Atsumi’s twin brother Osamu was there. Admittedly, they were an impressive duo. You didn't have to be good at volleyball to see that. 

Osamu had a serene sort of confidence, while Atsumu.. well, he looked like the type to do a dump shot just to be petty because he knew he could.

You hated to say his sets were beautiful, perfect even. 

Michinari, the team’s libero, receives almost every volleyball that flows his way. Even if the serve was a floater, a jump spike, or a simple one. It was impressive, and you aim to study his movements.

The way he holds his arms, the way he moves, his focus, everything you didn't do. The whistle blows and they get back into position, and you meet eyes with none other than the blonde twin who is currently serving. He raises his brow, his cocky face almost disgustingly amused. You glimpse far away to avoid him. It’s not like you came for him anyway, god, you hope he didn’t think that. 

The whistle blows and he walks up 6 steps, jumps, and hits a powerful serve that Michinari almost wasn't able to bump.

“Nice receive!”

Michinari calls out, “Bit short, sorry!” 

Atsumi touches the ball, and you're confused. He can’t set it now. Why would he do that? 

Osamu is the one who jumps and sets the ball to Atsumi who runs to a side with no blockers and does an insane quick you've never seen before. The impact alone has the sound bouncing off the walls. 

“Ahhhh! God, they’re so cool!!!” The girls go crazy beside you. 

You hum to yourself.

You've seen enough. Besides you didn't want to be anywhere near one of the twins, so you left as quietly as you came. The gym was empty now, the girls were gone and you could practice without judgment. 

You bounce the volleyball on the wall and attempt to receive it. Still, even with it being much slower than the average serve or spike, you were slightly off. Huffing, you bounce it against the wall and it comes to you, you were sure you got it this time. Your arms attempt to tap it, but it awkwardly hits your neck and topples over. 

Maybe it was your position, either you were too close or too far. First, you try stepping a bit back and you serve into the wall. It comes at you fast, and you feel as if you could see it in slow motion. It was perfect, you were going to hit- it flies over your head and you're dumbfounded.

Okay, closer. Farther wasn't right. 

This time you run to where the ball is headed, and right when it's about to come to you, you position your arms perfectly just for it to hit your knee. The next time it hits you in your groin and you grumble beneath your breath. 

One more time. 

You serve to the wall and it powerfully bounces off. You were ready. You could do this. Just position. The anticipation rises, and you sidestep the way it moves. A large grin stretches, you got it! 

Your finger just barely graces the ball, but it sends it flying a few inches high and it hits your shoulder.

Michinari. Remember. 

Remember the way he stands, the way he moves, the way he reads its direction. 

Your arms attempt to replicate his, and your knees bend just a little. 

One of the volleyballs hits the side of your head, but you did touch it, so that was progress.

It makes you smile. 

Sure, you got knocked into the chest almost every other time, but all that mattered was after the 30th try, your arm made contact again.

The ball lifts only a few inches above your arms before it slaps you on the head and splats to the ground. It travels close to the other dozen that lay around the gym. You're groaning as another flies past you. 

Another serve, you could do it, just one more. You push it and it slams against the wall, rebounding your way. Perfect! Getting into position, your concentration narrows as it comes to you. A forceful impact meets your knee. 

You lift the ball and slam it with your palm. It was so fast you could barely keep up with it, and you were a second off from receiving it before it wacks your neck. Coughing out at the impact, you huff and try again. Just keep your arms down, don’t waver every time you see the ball coming towards you. 

It was slow, but it flew your way, and you remained patient. Just get the timing down, not too early, not too late. Now!

You bump the ball perfectly into the air and gasp at the contact. You could do it! You could finally do it! Your eyes remain on it, waiting for it to come back down, a massive grin on your face. 

"You're doing it wrong." A voice interrupts your concentration and the ball slams into your face. 

"Ow.." you rub your nose, whining. The ball thuds against the floor.

When you eventually look up to the cause of your lost focus, you instinctively step back. Atsumu is there, sweat dripping down his skin after a long practice, eyes judging you.

You don't speak, and you can't even meet his gaze for more than a second.

He steps to the bin and grabs a volleyball. He does a quick normal serve against the wall, and it bounces to him in a split second. He positions his arms and receives it perfectly. You glue onto the way it cascades so beautifully.  

He studies your look, amused at the ignorance.

"Bend your knees like this." He does the motion and you falter before hesitantly mirroring. 

"No. lower." You do it and glance at him for approval. "Arms like this. This side showing more than the back." 

He gets into a normal stance to throw the ball above your arms. You keep your arms together as you receive it, and although it wasn't very high, you couldn't help the happiness that befell on you. That was so much easier than all the other times. 

Atsumu humorlessly chuckles "To think you're on the volleyball team and you don't know this." Your view averts, arms cradling the ball you just bumped like a trophy. 

No matter the insult, you sucked up your pride.

You mumble a "thanks.." and he scoffs.  

“Yeah, I’m going.” He starts walking to the door and you nod.

“Okay.."

Today was a rough day, but tomorrow will be better, you repeat this continuously as a sort of mantra when you get home.  

Your parents greet you happily and there is a warm meal on the table. You slip your shoes off before stepping into the kitchen.  "We got one of your favorites!" Your mother chirps.

You can barely fake a smile. Most days this would make you happy enough to forget everything that occurred in the school day, but not this time. The happy grins fall and they become worried. 

Great, look what you did. 

"Is something wrong (Y/n)?"  

You swiftly shake your head at the tone. A smile spreads your lips wide, maybe a bit too forcefully. You sold that fake happiness by rushing to sit at the table.

"No, nothing serious. I was just a bit annoyed from practice today. I couldn't receive at all." Your dad raises a confused brow as he attempts to remember what receiving is.

"It's when you catch the ball, you know, like this-" you angle your arms down and put your hands together. He makes an o with his mouth and nods. 

"Everyone has their days." Your mother is as optimistic as Lucy. 

You share thanks and dig in. 

"Even candidates for that All Japan youth camp have their days you know, and they're the same age as you, so there's still a lot of growth there." You're silent, and you set your chopsticks down. There's a big inevitable frown plastered on your face. You knew it meant to cheer you but to think of Atsumu and how talented he was after you insulted him and him helping you learn basics you should already know.

"Yeah, you're right." 

Your mood drops significantly. They give each other a side-eye.

When you're done you clean your dishes and head to your room. Wrapping the blankets around you in a sort of burrito you sigh as a few tears slip down your cheeks. You wish you hadn't said that. 

Back to another miserable panic-inducing day. 

Before class, you open your locker to now see two notes falling to your feet. You stop and stare while some girls giggle maniacally behind you. Sighing, you pick them up, crumbling the paper beneath your fingertips. Grabbing your books, you head to class and ignore how it feels like all eyes are on you when you pace.

"Look, it's the  libero who can't even receive a ball." Someone starts the moment you walk in. Frowning, you hold your bag tighter as Atsumu's eyes glue to you, a smirk dawning on his expression. 

"She-"

His words are interrupted by a shy woman who is holding a cute pink-wrapped box in her hands. A blush dusts her cheeks, and she crosses her legs. "I-I.. made this for you Atsumu… I-" An eek leaves her as Atsumu scowls hard, an expression that could terrify just about anyone. Class starts and she nervously bolts to her seat.  

You never liked long lectures or busy classwork, yet now you've learned to appreciate it. This was the only peace you'd get until you had to traverse the hallways or go to practice. You should just feign sickness, it's not like they'd miss your presence anyway. 

For lunch, you typically sit outside on one of the benches in the shade. You liked being here lately. It was nice, and when the wind rustled the trees nearby, the sound would calm you.

You lean against the bench and sigh, placing your bento atop your lap. You undo the cute little cat wrap your mom gave you. It did cheer you up a bit. You open up the box to see your favorite. You smile sweetly.  

"Look who it is, little miss (Y/n)" A sudden catty voice alerts you. 

Panic rises, and you shift your view to the sound. A group of girls known as the cheering squad for the boy’s volleyball team are walking toward you.

They have angry expressions, and their hips jut to the side as they near.

"So, what do you have to say for yourself?" The "main" woman in front, named Kiyoko speaks to you like some dog. You tilt your head, anxious and confused. What was the right answer here? 

You shouldn't be scared, you wanted so desperately not to be, but instead, you're cowering under their scowls, holding your lunch tighter to you.

"For what..?" You genuinely ask.

They growl like mutts, and suddenly the open box in your hands is viciously yanked from you. Before you can register what was happening food began dripping down your hair, a weight on your scalp tumbling. 

"Did that jog your memory?" 

You're quiet, and your teeth grit against one another, hands bawled into fists. Don't say it. Don't say it. 

"I'm sorry." You whisper.

A thick sauce drips down your hair. 

Kiyoko leans down, cupping her ear. "What was that? I couldn't hear you." You suck in a sharp breath. 

"Aw look she's going to cry." A voice in the group erupts. 

"Whose pathetic now?"  

They giggle together, and your knuckles turn white. 

You speak louder. "I'm sorry." 

"That's what I thought." She pats your cheek condescendingly. "Have fun cleaning that up." 

They leave as quickly as they came, and you dissociate as they laugh horridly while walking. Food begins to fall onto your jacket. If you didn't clean it up now, you would just be more of a laughing stock later.

A gust of wind flows, and the tree sways. Yet not even that makes you feel at peace right now. 

Water runs down your neck as you're in the bathroom, attempting to scrub the smell of curry out of your hair. The stickiness is hard to get out, and your scalp looks like some mangled mess. You pool warm water into your hands and splash it over the grains of rice that are glued together. It takes pretty much the entire lunch period until you get it all out. 

Luckily you have your volleyball jacket in your locker that you can swap out for the other. Fortunately, because it's a little oversized, it falls at your sides, just enough to cover the splotches of stains on your skirt.  

The teacher furrows her brow at you when you walk into the deafened room. "(Y/n).. you're la-.. why are you wet?"  Your hair is drenched and tangled as you walk to your seat. The girls who know what happened are snorting to themselves. 

"I fell into the lake." It was a stupid excuse but it was enough for the teacher to awkwardly continue with the lesson. That was until a loud laugh cuts the tense atmosphere.

The teacher sighs, “Yes, Atsumu, do you have a question?" You turn to the sight. At the opposite end of the class, there he is, poorly stifling a laugh.

Atsumu is chortling as he talks. "I guess not even that can wash away your horrid smell." The girls in the class laugh a little too hard at that.

"Enough. I didn't want to start it now, but since you two have a problem, you will be assigned together for the new project coming up. You will work together and makeup, whether you like it or not. I will not tolerate unkindness in my classroom. I don't want to hear any ifs or buts." The teacher calms before continuing. "Now, make sure you all listen up, I will now say the rest of the assigned partners." 

You meet Atsumu's instant cold glare and your eyes widen in fear. A jolt of anxiety rushes to your stomach. You feel sick.

"Now, we will use the rest of this time today and tomorrow to come up with a plan. You should be about halfway done at that point. This is due next Tuesday. Do whatever you need to do outside of the time, go to the library, discuss outside of school, meet up, exchange emails, whatever, but you will only have these 2 days in class to work on this." Great, a worse sentence couldn't have been said when your partner was Atsumu of all people.

The teacher gives you and Atsumu a firm look. "Do I make myself clear?" He's annoyed, you're terrified, yet you both nod either way. 

"Good, now disperse." She flicks her hand and everyone begins moving. 

Most of the girls in the class, or all, including Kiyoko and her group, send you angry glances. It's not like you wanted to be paired with him either. 

You're anchored in your seat, too scared to move. Would he come to you? Would you have to come to him?

Will you just not at all talk for these 2 days and do the work independently? Will you-

"Let’s get this over with." Atsumu has his hands in his pockets, his eyes refusing to look at yours. You nervously clear your throat. 

"R-Right.." 

It's a bit begrudging, but he sits near you and starts to work in his notebook. You do the same, occasionally not aiding the way you're examining his hand move so efficiently. He even had pleasant handwriting.

He doesn't glimpse your way, but you can tell he's getting peeved. “Are you going to keep looking, or are you going to work?"  You swiftly avert, awkwardly beginning to mimic the speed at which he writes. Your hands are shaking but you become so adamant you can't even focus on the way there are stares and whispers behind you. 

"Does she even shower, why does she smell like that?"

"She's such a loser." 

"Did you hear she can barely even receive the ball?"

"As the libero too, it's literally her job. Talk about lame. The audience would probably cheer if she got switched out."

"Seriously, I don’t even know why she's the main one, the other one is so much better." 

Atsumu side-eyes you for a second, then goes back to his writing.

The bell rings, and your focus ultimately gets cut off when he begins packing. You mutter an oh and do the same.

You're getting dreary thinking about going to practice now. Your stomach grumbles and you hold it. Maybe you could go to the vending machine, the one with milk and protein drinks so you can get some energy.

Yeah, with what money? 

Rushing into the hallway, you ignore how Atsumu is still standing outside until he calls you.

“Hey (Y/n).” Atsumu sing songs eerily, and you halt, fear swarming inside you. 

He wouldn’t do anything to you like the girls would right? You could deal with a few prissy ladies shoving you to the side, tripping you, and grabbing your lunch, but him? 

You timidly rotate his way and he's holding that usual pompous sneer. 

His tone is sadistic and light. “I heard you might get kicked off the team, what a shame.” 

Small tears brew in your eyes at the mention, fingers bawling into a tight white-knuckled fist. 

“Oh? Did I strike a nerve? But really, I think it’s a relief, don’t you?” He continues, “I couldn’t imagine getting kicked off my own team." 

Atsumu snickers and his orbs quickly darken. "But that would never happen, because I’m more than just a guy who can swoon a few pathetic girls over you know. You though.." He fakes a pondering gesture. "I wonder. Are there any skills you possess?" 

There's a lump in your throat that you can't bear to swallow and he chuckles. "Right. That's what I thought." He turns to leave.

“Well, at least the female side won’t have to be ashamed anymore.” 

Tears meet your cheek. An inevitable sniffle escapes when the tightness in your throat closes. You wish you could scream out how much of a jerk he was, but all you did was whirl around and run away. 

A hand touches Atsumu's shoulder, pulling his focus away. “Don’t you think that was a little mean?” Osamu is gazing at him seriously. 

Atsumu scoffs. “Anyone who can’t take the truth doesn’t deserve to be playing a competitive sport, especially if they suck.” 

Osamu wacks his brother’s head, and the blonde-haired twin growls, raising his fist to do the same. 

The next day you smell like soy sauce.

Though, at least It was a lot easier to clean.

You rung your hair of water. Your hands press against the sides of the sink, and you gaze at yourself in the reflection. From staying up late crying, not eating breakfast in the morning because you had to rush out, to not being able to eat lunch, you're a mess. The bell rings and your expression darkens.  

Maybe if you pretend you didn't hear it... Maybe if you went to sleep in the stall you could just rest for a bit. 

The bell repeats its terrible tune.

You pat your face dry and force yourself to return. On this occasion, you're on time so no one would notice you. Or so you would've thought. 

"Did you enjoy your lunch (Y/n)?" A girl speaks, a snarky trail at the end of her words. There is laughter amongst another little side posse. You turn to her, quiet, and staring.

She zips her lips and you go to your seat.  

"What's her deal?" 

"It was just a joke." 

“You know the whole ordeal. Everyone, get with your partners. This is the last day in class to talk with each other." 

With that, everyone gets together and unfortunately, yours does too. 

Atsumu is sighing as if completely forgetting the day before. “Let’s get this done, the last thing I want to do is meet up.” 

You nod and open your notebook. It's silent for a couple of minutes until one of you ruins it. 

“Why is your hair wet again?" 

Atsumu raises a snide brow. "Go for another swim?" 

"Yes." 

He didn't expect that straightforward answer but still chuckles. 

It doesn’t get to you, and you keep writing. He appears amused that he wasn't managing to aggravate you. You’re not surprised. This is Inarizaki, the school that tries to make other teams cheaply mess up by booing or playing loud music when they serve.  

A moment passes and you tiredly declare, “I’m sure neither of us wants to talk to each other, so let’s just focus, then we won’t have to meet up later.”

He looks amused. “You’re a lot of how I expected you to be.” You turn to him, and he shrugs. 

“A teacher’s pet.” 

You frown, mumbling mainly to yourself, “I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Atsumu chuckles. 

“Of course, you don’t” 

You fixate on him, and his expression remains.

You just had to get this done, then he wouldn’t be at your side bothering you any longer. 

The time is ticking, and the last thing you want is to have to text him. You’d rather take a 0 then do that. 

Well, maybe not to that extreme, but you sure as hell didn’t want to be in contact with him, or worse, have him come to your house.

He would have that annoying smug gleam as he sits at the table and makes conversation with your parents. Your mom would be so charmed, and she’d be nice enough to make him dinner. Then he’d eat it and make dramatic gestures about how good it is, meanwhile, deep inside all he wants to do is probably throw it at you.

A shudder cascades just thinking of it. 

The more time passes, the less confidence you have in finishing this project today. There was maybe a quarter left, and that would’ve been fine if again… it wasn’t a team job.

Maybe if he was doing his side, you wouldn’t be in this predicament. 

You're writing faster, while the pompous ass turns in his seat and starts cracking jokes with the pair behind him. If you could just finish these parts.

You just need to do a few more. Your breath catches in your throat the more you glance at the clock. With a few minutes left, there was surely no way you could finish. Albeit, if you give up now then it'd only prove that. You just have to keep writing and hope.  

Anxiety is pacing your heart, and you're getting sloppier and sloppier the more you go. The laughs of the row behind you, the tick of the clock, the sound of your pulse expanding and expanding drags you to the edge. 

The bell rings, signaling the end. You slump in your chair, defeated. Atsumu grins and grabs his bag, considering he didn’t even take anything out, all he had to do was just get up and leave while you pack. 

What a jerk.  

Somehow, he still manages to take his sweet time, and he practically traps you in, making it irritatingly impossible to leave. You throw your bag around your shoulder and stuff your fingers in your pockets.

Your head hangs low as Osamu is at the door again, waiting for his obnoxious twin. You didn’t know who was a little older, but god you hoped it was the grey-haired one. 

"Hey." Atsumu starts, and your heart speeds up. This was going to be just like yesterday, wasn't it?

You nervously fixate on him. He's tall, much more than you remember, maybe around 180 cm. 

"Give me your phone number." 

You're taken aback, tilting your head confusedly.

"F-For.. what?" You blank and he impatiently glowers. 

His voice is deep when annoyed. "What else for? The project." 

You quickly nod. "R-Right.. sorry. It's um.." You nervously push your hands into your bag, struggling to find your phone. Most are already out of the classroom at this point and he's becoming more visibly impatient. 

You feel it and immediately pull it out. Opening your contacts list, he yanks it out of your hand and starts typing. Once finished, he throws it at your desk and you fail to catch it as it slams against the wood. He casually turns to leave. 

He suddenly rotates his head over his shoulder and gives you a sharp look.  "You should quit volleyball," he says.

"Everyone has a job on the court and you can't fill yours, because you suck." 

You're frowning again.

Osamu gives you a momentary glance before leaving. You're frozen in place, his words echoing in your head. 

On Thursday, you feign sickness to stay home.

You wrap yourself in a burrito of blankets while you watch TV. At least at home, you can eat freely. You also won't hear mean gossip behind you. You're never absent anyway, so one day was easy. Just one day to yourself. One day without seeing either of the twins’ faces. No fangirls, no volleyball team, no stress, just one peaceful weekday beneath the sheets.

You sleep until 10. 

Although a bath sounds wonderful, it's refreshing to just walk downstairs with pajamas and messy untouched hair. “Good morning.”

You yawn, grab a cup, pour yourself orange juice, then sit down at the table. It was a nice day to eat breakfast together without any rush to be somewhere on time. 

Rubbing your eyes, you set a plate down and stare at the empty chairs beside you. That's right. You're alone, your parents are off to work. 

Once done whisking together a lovely omelet, you eat peacefully savoring every bit of silence. This was nice. 

You can do anything today. Maybe even go to the market and get yourself a little desert. Milk bread, curry donut, strawberry shortcake, whatever. Your mouth waters at the thought. 

Though rest sounds nicer still. 

That project wasn’t due till Tuesday, and it should take you about 2 days to complete alone, maybe 1 if you were going to meet up with Atsumu, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

Faceplanting into bed, you moan at the feeling of the bedsheets. They surround you like a heavenly cloud. Yes, this is what you needed, an escape into bliss. 

You wake up again at 12. 

Stretching wide, you exhale a yawn. A bath would do good now. Your hair probably wasn’t completely free of food anyway. 

You take off your shirt in front of the mirror, revealing a few bruises on your back, knees, and thighs. These most likely occurred when you fell to the floor a few times after being tripped. They're tender, but nothing too big. You didn’t want to think of it now anyway. 

The warm water envelops you and you draw out a whispered moan. You stay like that for who knows how long until you're aggressively scrubbing all the smells out of your hair. You lean against the rim, lids closing blissfully. 

The next time you open your eyes you feel groggy. You don't know what time it is. Your fingers and toes are all soggy, and the water isn’t hot anymore.

You drag yourself to bed after drying off, closing the door to seal the darkness in. A buzz vibrates your phone, and you pick it up, tiredly blinking at the brightness. It was probably your mom trying to see if you were okay. 

“When do you want to finish the project?” 

Why would your mom text that? 

You scroll to see the name Miya Atsumu, and you stare for what feels like a minute before finally gasping.

You didn't actually expect him to go for it and text.

What do you say? You begin typing, then stop, then start, then stop.

Tomorrow? The weekend? Monday? No day in reality makes a difference. You just don't want to work with him.

A part of you is relieved you wouldn't be doing the rest of the project alone, but another side is terrified at the idea.  

You bite your lip and write “Tomorrow..?" 

Maybe that was too direct, maybe you should’ve sent a "haha", or a "anytime that works for you."

What if he’s not available Friday? What if you just assumed? No no, it should be fine, he asked you, besides, it isn’t going to be a hangout, just a quick 1-2 hour session of working.

You groan, your brain going into circles. The anxiety that fled you today begins revisiting in vicious waves. You’re going to go to school tomorrow and he’d ask you the same question if you don't text back. You can’t avoid him, nor the deadline. The girls will pick on you again, you won’t be able to have lunch, you’ll be hungry, you’re about to be kicked off the volleyball team, everyone hates you, every-  a notification makes you blink to reality.

Miya Atsumu: “Sure. Time?” 

You let out a shaky exhale and type, “Whatever is fine with you.” 

Miya Atsumu: “6 pm, after practice.” 

6 pm?? That was a bit late.

You’re about to type a denial until you remember that you're the one who said whatever is okay. You can’t just complain now. 

“Sounds good.” 

He doesn’t respond. A few minutes pass and you’re still staring at the screen. Fretfully you type, “.. where.?” 

A bubble pops up, then disappears. You’re anxiously biting your lip, waiting. The bubble comes up again, jumping for a few seconds then going away. You hold your phone to your chest and groan, your other hand draping across your forehead. You hope it’s somewhere decent, really the scariest thing he can say is "My place."

A few tantalizing minutes pass and you hear a ding.

Miya Atsumu: "Wherever you want.” 

That response didn't settle your nerves at all. Why did you have to pick? 

Hovering over the letters on your phone, you think hard. 

Your place won't be as nerve-wracking as his, and besides it’d be weird if you text that anyway, like “Hey let’s go to your house.” Not only would you just be dealing with him but a duplicate as well. (Though you heard Osamu was a bit nicer.) Still, they probably live in some fancy house with a beautiful mom who makes amazing food. If he comes to yours he'd probably be judgemental as it was nothing lavish.

Where else could you pick? The library? It's a lot more peaceful and less scary than your house. Here, you imagine him, arms crossed, judging your stuffed animals and colorful sheets, saying, "What are you, a kid still?" 

A shiver runs down your spine. 

But in the library, Kiyoko and other girls are bound to be working on their projects as well.  

Nowhere was safe but your home, and besides you had your mother and father there if anything went wrong. Mustering up all the courage you write.

“You can come to my house..?” No that sounded too provocative. 

Holding the delete button, the sentence is wiped. 

“What about my house?” 

Too direct, what if it comes up rude or even flirty?

“We can go to the library?” No that sounds like you're avoiding the situation now. 

You hover over “Maybe-“ then delete. Too indecisive. “How about-“ too decisive. “What about-“ too shy.

It’s already been more than a few minutes and the phone buzzes impatiently.

Miya Atsumu: “Well?” 

The fear in your stomach is worse than when the girls would bully you. Which is ridiculous considering you're only sending a text. 

What if he shows it to all his friends and makes you a laughingstock? 

You ease your stammering. Relax (Y/n). No one can harm you here. You're not gonna hear his laughs directed at your face. You’re home in your safe space. It’s just you, and it’s just a text. 

"My house?" You press send and hold your breath. A minute passes and now the doubt explodes in you again.

God, why did you type that? That sounds way worse than the other ones, it's almost creepy even. You stuff your face into your pillow and groan loudly. 

A soft vibration takes you out of the self-loathing cycle, and it reads, Miya Atsumu: "Sure." 

Your heart pounds and anxiety floats into your stomach as you think of tomorrow.

You wish you used your sick day for then.

Although in the end, it wouldn't have made too much of a difference. It's bound to happen. At least you had until tomorrow to plan, to think what you were going to wear, and what spares you would bring for whatever was going to be dunked on your head. 

You hear the front door open and close. Your mom always gets home first. You're timidly stumbling down the stairs when she sees you. 

 "Hey, sweetie. Are you feeling better?" She hangs her jacket up and takes off her shoes. 

"Oh- Yeah.. um.. so.." your lips purse as she strides into the kitchen, already planning on dinner even if exhausted. You appreciate that. You just wish you had the guts to tell her what happened to those cooked meals at lunch. 

She grabs a pack of spaghetti and fills a large pot of water to boil. She raises an expectant brow.

"Yes?" 

You fidget, averting your gaze. "Um.. so I have a project due Tuesday… it's with a partner.. but our teacher is not allowing any more time in class. So-" 

"Oh okay, yeah, that's fine. When do you want her to come?" She grabs a few spices and herbs while talking, and you nervously clear your throat. 

"It's.. a guy.." She halts for a moment and you can see her mull over your words. 

You continue hesitantly, “So... he's coming tomorrow around 6, you know.. after practice usually ends." It's silent for a few seconds and you're pursing your lips, scared. 

There's a bright beam stretching her lips wide. 

Oh no, it was either this reaction or disgust. You didn't even know which you wanted. 

You start again, mainly to cut off whatever she was going to say. 

"By the way.. you don't have to pack lunch for these next few days." She raises a thoughtful look.

"Why? Have you been dropping it lately? Do you not like it? Is that you've been smelling like it when you come home?" 

Tensely giggling, you curl your hair behind your ear. "No Mom.. I just.." You trail off, unable to think of a perfect excuse. Nothing to resemble reality. Eventually, her lips curl again. 

"Ah.. so it's all to do with that boy."

What? 

You're surprised, rushing to stammer out a no, but she's set in her thoughts.

"I've been wondering why it's emptier than usual, you've been sharing it with him, hm?" She has that trail in her tone as if she caught you. 

"No! A friend has just been giving me some of there's so I haven't been able to eat mine." She laughs and your face is pink. 

"Ah I see, so you've been swapping lunches? How cute" You huff at this reasoning, giving up.

Maybe you should just let her believe this anyway. It'd make her happy.  

"Nothing’s happening with us Mom, we're just school partners. He's not even all that nice, you know," you mutter that last part to yourself. 

She snickers. "Men struggle with their emotions a bit more than we do when it comes to love-" 

You shout, "It's not love!" 

She waves her hand, gesturing for you to calm down. "Right right, well maybe he's just struggling to convey it to you." Huffing again, you cross your arms. That's not it. She's not listening to you, and you sigh angrily. Seriously, if only she knew. 

"I promise you, Mom, that's not it, just believe me okay? We're going to do the project and that's it, he won't be here ever again.." You pause, then point accusingly toward her. "And no being weird!" 

"Fine fine, I’ll act normal don't worry, I would hate to embarrass you in front of your crush." 

"Ugh, just.. no lunch tomorrow please!" 

You squeak out an awkward "thank you!" and she hums, a grin still lingering. 

Stomping off to your room, you lightly slam the door and stuff your face into the pillow. You could hear the front door open again, and you're sure your mother is now going to start talking about this mystery "crush" to your father.

You let out a frustrated sigh. 

[pianostarinwonderland]

Skully's Inspirations

sorry guys my brain's latched onto this event and now i can't stop writing my thoughts hhrhhrhjkhhrhkjrhkjthr

tbh im writing this to the tweets i've seen saying that skully isn't that similar to jack because at first i was like nodding along, like yea in the event, jack and skully have views that are clashing, which makes skully go mad. but then i watched nightmare before christmas AND IM CRYING Y'ALL. I KINDA SEE THE POINT OF SOME TWEETS, ESP WHEN THEY WERE ONLY WHEN EP2 WAS OUT. BUT EVEN THEN. I WOULD LIKE TO PLACE DOWN THE ARGUMENT THAT SKULLY IS TWISTED FROM JACK SKELLINGTON THE SIMILARITIES ARE T H E R E E EE EEEE

But here's the fun part about Skully. The past Halloween boys, Rollo and Fellow+Gidel, are written in such a way that most of their basis comes from their respective villains. Yes, they have some qualities of their heroes (i.e. Rollo is the one who diligently cares for the bell tower, which is Quasimodo's role), but the fact that they're twisted from one character is pretty clear.

Skully, however, is different. The way he's written is pretty similar to the NRC cast, in that he has a mix of different inspirations. While he's clearly twisted from Jack Skellington, he has a mix of the other characters, particularly our heroes and villains, and I'll discuss them in the post below.

On Jack Skellington: It's important to distinguish that for this part, I am referring to Skellington in the movie, not in the event story. And that's the Jack that Skully is very much twisted from.

For one, they are lonely and misunderstood. Jack's loneliness is different from Skully's in that he is well-loved for being the Pumpkin King. But that's the thing, it's because people love what he does that Jack can't confide in anybody that he's tired of it. And that isolates him, as we see in the way he sings alone (or so he thought) in the hill about his problems. Skully, meanwhile, seems to be alone in all senses of the word—his schoolmates don't understand him, and based on the fact that he's grown up spending Halloween alone, he may also be lonely in his hometown.

Skully's being misunderstood is pretty obvious: everyone doesn't understand or agree with his way of celebrating Halloween. But Jack too was misunderstood, particularly when he was sharing with the townspeople about Christmas. When he was trying to convey the joys of Christmas, people asked about how scary it was. And when Jack tried to dissuade the idea of fear, they didn't understand it, and some started to exclaim their disappointment. So Skully had to convey Christmas in the way that they all understood it, even if it wasn't what the holiday is actually about, which frustrated him. Hell, that exact scene mirrors the scene where Skully shared his proposal for Halloween, and the NRC students objected to it. Both characters were passionate about a particular holiday and wanted to share it with others, but were met with misunderstandings. Their methods at convincing the crowd are different, however. Jack appealed to their biases, while Skully disagreed with them.

Both of them persisted in celebrating a holiday to the point of taking over. Skully pushes to celebrate Halloween his way instead of the more festive manner that NRC presented to the point of putting Jack to sleep and is now in the process of taking over the celebrations. Jack Skellington meanwhile persisted in celebrating Christmas to the point of taking it over and kidnapping Santa Claus.

Skully and Jack tend to have an everything is fine attitude in front of others. They'll smile and go with what is happening, but then they'll sigh when they feel that they can. Skully is just more open about his real feelings than Jack is. And on a flipside, Skully has a bit more support from the NRC cast than Jack had in the movie.

On Sally: Funnily enough, Skully has some basis on Sally's character, particularly about stopping Jack from celebrating Christmas. Given that the NRC Halloween is very festive, it can be seen as the 'Christmas' in this story which Skully wants to stop Jack from doing. Aside from that, there's also a lot of notable things.

His putting Jack to sleep is also something that both movie and event Sally do to Dr. Finklestein to prevent him from interfering.

In some way, Skully also has Sally's stubbornness, though taken to a higher extreme. Sally is very firm on her beliefs and would argue with Dr. Finklestein, which causes tensions with the two of them, and she doesn't really leave room for compromise. Skully is also very firm about his ideals and beliefs, and as for now, he doesn't compromise. Both of them also act on their beliefs when they feel strongly about it.

It is well worth noting that Sally has stitches. Skully, whose outfit represents Jack's, has stitches where Jack does not. One could take it too as Skully having to stitch an outfit to resemble his idol. However, it may be a hint to Skully's development in the next two episodes. Sally stitches herself up in the movie when she is broken into parts. Skully may have an emotional representation of this.

a bit unrelated but at this moment in time, i realize that the OB phantoms have stitches on them, and idk what those implications are but twst im scared

I'll call it right now: I think Skully's backstory will be inspired by Sally's and Oogie's (to be discussed in the next part). Skully would have a parent or guardian that is like Dr. Finkelstein to Sally: someone who keeps him under control and would lock him in his room if he misbehaves. Possibly Skully would have a stubbornness that lets him figure out how to leave, if that is the case. A Finkelstein inspiration might actually work though

On Oogie: I give credit to Chrome for making arguments on their thread for Skully being twisted from Oogie. Much of the basis for Skully being twisted from Oogie is his stitches and his taking over Halloweentown in the side games! Furthermore, Skully is employing the help of Lock, Shock, and Barrel, who have mentioned 'the boss' in Episode 3. So there's a nonzero chance of Oogie showing up later on and possibly helping out Skully in some way. Even if he never shows up, though, Skully does play the role of Oogie in the event.

Like Sally, Oogie is also stitched up, except he's an entire bag full of bugs. In the movie, he is defeated by unraveling his stitches completely. The unraveling to reveal his backstory is probably going to be used for Skully's writing in the next parts (at least, I hope so).

In the side games, Oogie and Jack have a rivalry, and Oogie tries to take over Halloweentown in them. In one game, he also tries taking over the 7 Holidays as well, where he's almost successful, but Jack stops him. Skully's taking over the celebration of Halloween in Halloweentown is at least a little more aligned with Oogie since it's at least the same holiday.

Can't go through this part without bringing up their loneliness. Oogie is isolated from Halloween town and is even locked in the basement. It seems to be the inspiration for Skully celebrating Halloween alone and in a dark room.

Onto the Oogie side of Skully's backstory, I'm thinking that there may be someone in Skully's family or community whom everyone favored, akin to how Jack Skellngton was favored as the Pumpkin King when Oogie's own holiday didn't work out. Maybe they favored that other kid for his magic? Either way, this part is written in consideration of Leona and Jamil being the SSRs for this event, where both of them have suffered from having to deal with someone else being favored (Leona) and/or not being able to show off what you can do because of it (Jamil).

This is more brain worms on my part, but I wonder if Oogie's having torture weapons and bringing Sally and Santa very close to their deaths where they become his soup to eat is where Skully's reflection on death during Halloween comes from. Of course, this reflection is also something traditional, so it could be coincidence.

On Vincent Malloy (from Tim Burton's Vincent): So this is a very interesting suggestion for Skully's inspiration that came up when the event was still at Episode 2. I highly recommend checking out myonmyon's thread for this, and if you have the time, to watch Vincent (it's only 6 minutes long, so it's really not a long watch). It's important to note here too that in the DVD for Nightmare Before Christmas, Vincent was a part of that DVD.

Vincent Malloy has a strong admiration for the horror actor, Vincent Price, and it's so strong that he thinks that he himself is Price and not Malloy. His mother—and everyone else around him—doesn't understand this and urges him to play outside. The film is centered around his delusions of being Vincent Price, from dipping his aunt in wax to his beautiful wife being buried alive, and the lines between reality and fantasy end up blurring.

The way Vincent could not distinguish fantasy and reality is somehow similar to Skully, who struggles to accept that Jack Skellington isn't the idol he admired and isn't the guy who understands his ideas of Halloween.

This part may add to the theory that Skully established the first modern Halloween: Vincent Malloy is a character that let Burton represent himself on screen. Vincent the film is a benchmark in his career, as it was where he learned to combine 2D and 3D art styles, which he ends up using for Nightmare Before Christmas. And this led him to success, led him to share his vision to everyone in the world. Hence, Skully's story could be similar in that he gets to share his vision of Halloween one day, and possibly establish the first modern Halloween.

As a final note, Skully’s name is really interesting because it’s pretty clear it’s based on Skelli-ngton, but Skully and Sally both rhyme and end very similarly in their JP names (スカリー and サリー) (you can also say their EN names rhyme but Skully is still technically not official romanization). And crediting a friend for pointing this out, Skully (スカリー) also rhymes with Oogie (ウギ―ブギー), and we know how much Nightmare Before Christmas heavily uses rhymes.

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday

Oh man I've struggled to decide what to post this week, mostly because last week's heatwave wiped me out and I only properly began to mentally recuperate and begin to focus on creating again yesterday.

So.... today is a few little snippets! A mixture of things from the next few chapters of The Perfect Storm :3

Tagged by @skyrim-forever @friend-of-giants @madam-whim , thank you-!!!

I'll leave a tag back open for anyone, so if you see this, I am booping you on the nose with the WIP tag (only if you wish-!!!) I will admit, I struggle so hard with knowing who to tag or not, especially the further along the day gets, and I worry that I'm bothering people so will occasionally have weeks when I do these open tags. I'm am serious that if people want to say that I've tagged them, they can!!! And on the flipside, if you want to tag me in anything, please do-!!!

-------------------

Snippet 1 - Chapter 33:

Taking in a deep breath, she quickly approached the dragon, and swung her swords in an attempt to take out one of its back legs. One of the things she had learned over time as she fought dragons was that rendering them immobile – or as close to immobile as she could – helped significantly. She also knew that any dragons which she had dared fight since Alduin’s defeat… they were volatile, aggressive. Those of any other inclination had joined Paarthurnax in attempting to learn the Way of the Voice, or had hidden themselves away and only emerged to defend themselves or the place they had made their home.

Not… too unlike herself, in all fairness. Hiding herself away in Whiterun, only leaving to defend herself or her home…

Snippet 2 - Chapter 34:

“... Maybe I should just...” Elyse was trembling as she let out a quiet breath. “Just leave. My presence here seems to just stir up trouble, and I... Balgruuf doesn’t need all that on his shoulders on top of everything else.”

Lydia raised an eyebrow as she walked around her and leaned down in an attempt to make eye contact with her. “To Breezehome? It’s a bit of a mess right now, but I haven’t touched your room after it got fixed up so you should have some space there whilst I neaten things out. Or Lakeview maybe? I’m sure if you wanted a break from the city whilst things cool down, we can figure something out with people in Riverwood for some furniture there.”

Elyse pursed her lips together, then turned her head towards the window. “No...” She then made her way over to the glass, and with glossy eyes, she glanced over the distant mountain range. “I’m talking about leaving Skyrim.”

Snippet 3 - Chapter 35

Elyse could feel her nerves chittering away within her mind as she walked alongside Balgruuf towards the marketplace, though did her best to appear calm and relaxed outwardly. The light squeeze of her hand let her know that he was aware of her worries though.

"Are you okay, Elyse? You don't have to-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine… Just… It's our first outing since it was decided that we were to- you know…" She then stopped for a moment, then took a deep breath, pressing her free hand to her chest. "It's only an outing to the Bannered Mare, something we've done a million times before, and yet… Divines, I'm nervous."

"There isn't any need to be nervous… We do not need to act any different than any other trip out for drinks we have had in the past." She knew that he was right, but even so, she knew that he couldn't deny that things were different. There was no avoiding that.

[singemall-stayallnight]

Led Zeppelin's Performance at Seattle's Unusual Green Lake Aqua Theatre

Led Zeppelin at the Green Lake Aqua Theatre, 11 May 1969.

Bonus offstage shot of Robert Plant.

The following excerpts are from an essay on this concert:

It was Led Zeppelin's turn. A supergroup that had risen from the ashes of England's esteemed psychedelic blues-rockers the Yardbirds, Led Zeppelin had actually already played the Seattle Center Arena (on December 27, 1968, albeit in an unadvertised opening role for Vanilla Fudge). But since the January 12, 1969, release of their earth-shattering eponymous debut album, Led Zep's popularity had skyrocketed.

Among those fans who'd opted to watch the show from a watercraft were Mick Flynn -- a guitarist with the local band Meatball and one of Seattle's first vintage gear experts -- and his pal and housemate, Richard Green. "We rowed across the lake and watched the show from the back of the stage -- which was pretty cool! We were probably within six feet of the amps so we had a really good view of the band."

"There was three or four of us in the rowboat," adds Green, "and we rowed over to the Aqua Theatre. It was a beautiful sunny day in the afternoon. We floated up to the dock which was the backstage area and there was actually a fence around the back of the dock and we held onto the fence with our fingers so we wouldn't drift away. And from our position we could see the amplifiers and people milling around backstage. So Led Zeppelin came on and from our position we could look through the stacks of amplifiers and see Robert Plant and Jimmy Page onstage playin' their guts out. And I remember Robert Plant's hair blowin' in the wind. It was such a thrill to be there."

The show began, as Green recalls, with guitarist Jimmy Page running onstage wearing a hip black leather motorcycle jacket and hammering out the riffs to the old Yardbirds classic, "Train Kept a Rollin'," before the rest of Led Zep joined him. "The Green Lake show was pretty cool 'cause they were doing the first album," says Flynn, "and that's what they sounded like."

Some in the audience had, presumably, not yet been exposed the Led Zeppelin album and came wanting to hear the AM radio hit, "Good Times Bad Times." But the band was first going to play that single's flipside and their crowd reportedly responded with some disappointment: "I remember," another fan wrote years after the fact, "Robert Plant saying to the audience that they were going to play the single 'Communication Breakdown,' to a light smattering of boos and requests for 'Good Times Bad Times,' which is what the local stations were playing more often."

Meanwhile, at mid-set -- "when Page was out doin' his solo bit," as Flynn recalls, "Robert Plant and John Paul Jones came back to where we were and we partaked in some weed with them. That was kinda cool. They came over and chatted with us." "I remember that at some point," Green adds, "Robert Plant was milling around behind the amplifiers and I said somethin' to him and he walked over towards us. We had some small talk back and forth and we happened to have a joint lit at the time -- I remember it being Panama Red! -- and so we handed him the joint, he took a couple hits off of it and handed it back and thanked us for coming. He said 'I hope you enjoy the show' and that was it" [laughter].

Like many fans, Flynn and Green loved the show, and later even got a chance to chat with Led Zep's star guitarist: "Page came over," says Flynn, "and we talked for a moment. [I] said somethin' about his guitar. 'Cause I was always interested in checking out the gear -- a lot of that stuff you just didn't see 'til these guys came through: twin Marshalls and stuff."

From all accounts, Led Zeppelin shook the theater to its very foundations -- along with surrounding neighborhoods. One can only have sympathy for all of the traumatized animals in the adjacent Woodland Park Zoo. Not to mention for poor Three Dog Night, who faced the daunting task of following Led Zep onto that stage.

[tm-trx]

Reset, ep 1

I've been looking forward to this one so much and decided it'd be fun to do recaps for it. We'll see if I can keep it up!

Live Reaction Thoughts:

Standard warning: may will contain inconsistent punctuation/capitalization, talking to myself, talking to the characters, rampant speculation, and many many questions to self.

attempting to maintain realistic expections…

that hat!

time to play the “identify the BL filming location” game with Armin’s house - seems like a new location?

yikes someone’s bitter

the gray in the temples lol (understandable makeup decision though, for so few scenes)

mysterious champagne delivery! drugged i’m guessing or at least Armin’s glass was

Is Charlie cheating with Armin’s best friend or his acting partner?

best friend, ouch

epic

dude he’s not dead yet, call an ambulance

I don’t think my first instinct in this situation would be getting into a car and driving away in a panic, but i will take it as a plot device cause this is great.

uh wow the opening credits are really well done; kudos to the editor

he keeps an audio diary! convenient but also a great character bit

oh what? does TD have future memories? did he get sent back too?

he’s a ‘benefactor’ - nice

oh i love this; Tada’s (Thada?) in a chaebol drama - what's the Thai equivalent?

amazing - Armin’s first scene post-reset is an emotional death scene that he is killing (all that experience is coming in handy).

Okay what is going on with Tada - he came back too right? and they never actually met in the previous timeline so Tada wants to do things different this time.

lol souvenir

the audio recorder was from him!

okay so maybe not from the past; he’s just a stalker fan

who’s now buying an apartment in Armin’s building; that's a familiar plot point

I wonder if an actual reason for the reset will be revealed or if they’re going to leave it up in the air.

oh gross, Lily’s awful

What must it be like for someone who was ready to retire, to be sent back to the beginning of their career.

:/ drugged again

rain scene! \o/ so dramatic I love it

and now i’m back to wondering if Tada got sent back too, with the way he reacted to Armin in the dailies

More [coherent] Thoughts:

After the amazing trailer we got, I was trying not to get my hopes up too high for this show. But based on this episode, I think it’s going to live up to what they teased. This was a fantastic first episode. I am also, admittedly, biased because the “sent back” trope is one of my favorite tropes these days. So I was already predisposed to liking it for that alone.

Whoever is responsible for the opening credits gets a gold star. They perfectly match the tone and look of the show and are just very cool in general.

Tada - Did he come back too and has decided to actually become a part of Armin’s life this time around? Love that his side plotline seems to be a family corporation lakorn style plot, complete with angry little brother.

Towards the end, it occurred to me that the flipside of being so much better at his job now, is that he was going to retire after a 25-year career. He was done. Now, he’s back at the beginning, with all those years to live through again. I don’t think he’s considered that (or the writers haven’t), but I’m hoping it does come up. And maybe the reason for him wanting to retire wasn’t because he was burned out, so it maybe isn’t as big of an issue. Either way, that’s a long time to be in such a high-stress industry.

That whole sequence that lead to Armin’s death was fantastic. Armin’s already drugged, overhears his boyfriend and best friend cheating, then the argument after with the reveal that his best friend isn’t really his friend, and then the weapon that is that heavy glass award comes into play. All on a high balcony. Perfect. No notes.

A couple quick thoughts about the actors: Peterpan is completely unknown to me, but I'm in love with how his face changes when Tada is looking at Armin. A plus work. Pond is the reason I watched the trailer to start with. I have only seen him in Fourever You and loved him in that. He is just as good in this, if not more so.

This was an excellent start. Can't wait for next week.

[jackabbot]

Fuck It Friday ☔️

Tagged and tagging @diazsdimples @daffi-990 @wikiangela @honestlydarkprincess @exhuastedpigeon and my sweets whose continuous support means the world to me @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @jeeyuns MWUAH 💛💛

Hey peeps, I've been having some not-exactly-good dreams last night and then had a really not-exactly-good day, on the flipside I have officially finished the first draft of the mudslide fic. 🫡

It still has a lot of blindspots and some kinda vague bits, but the skeleton is there, all I gotta do is build on it! It ended up just over 62k and though now I'm trying to avoid guessing word counts in general, I think it'll come to round out around 70k or so. Anyway, here, have some more Buckley-Diaz domesticity:

“What is it, Chris? Where is the fire?” “Dad!” His smile was so bright that his eyes crinkled with it and it was enough for Eddie to soften and let his grumpiness melt away almost instantaneously. “The Aquarium opens at nine!” Eddie dragged his hands down his face in an attempt to make himself more alert. “You didn’t forget about that, huh?” The door to his bedroom opened behind them and Buck walked out, squinting and looking just as disheveled as Eddie left him in his bed a moment ago. “Buck!” Chris turned his head into his direction. The air stuck in Eddie’s lungs for a split second, expecting the row of questions or accusations from Chris — after all, the kid was intuitive as hell — but it never came. Instead he just pushed past Eddie and grabbed Buck’s wrist, tugging him towards the kitchen, Eddie wandering numbly in their heels. “Hey Chris, wha- what’s going on?” Buck asked, clearly still in awe of the situation he found himself in only minutes after waking up. “The Aquarium opens at nine.” He relayed the same information to Buck as well, but while Eddie just felt a little out of sorts that he actually forgot about their plans, Buck’s face lit up like commercial LED lights. “Well then, we better get started on breakfast, hm? What do you say?” “Waffles!” Christopher cheered and Buck laughed, jovial and full of love and not for the first time, Eddie found that his heart was beating to the rhythm of hope. It wasn’t his fault that waking up in the same bed with Buck, followed by a family breakfast sounded perfect. Well, maybe too perfect. “Sorry bud, I don’t think we have any left in the freezer.” Eddie informed him regretfully, but before Chris could’ve expressed his disappointment, Buck cut in. “Come on Eddie, who needs frozen waffles when I have my Sous Chef to help me with the batter?” Buck winked at Chris who just beamed up at him in response. Eddie didn’t even know what to say to that, so he just watched the two of them idle towards the kitchen before following suit.

[chronicsyd]

Yeaaaaa my brain’s like Literally not shut up since my last spam post about this GOD DAMN SHOW and it just… keeps spiraling… spiraling… spiraling… So, let’s talk about Vi again!

On my tiktok yesterday I brought up a post from the AMA for Arcane a couple of years ago that the co-creators were answering. And someone asked, “Will Vi and Caitlyn shippers be happy with the upcoming season?” to which the answer was, “There’s that part they might like, and that part they probably hate.” To which Amanda Overton (basically the writer responsible for most of the Caitvi scenes we got in s1) said, “I take full responsibility for both and they make the show better” so that’s… not all that thrilling.

However, it’s gotten me to think about what on Earth that “probably hate” bit would be.  Now this is something I’m saying as Complete speculation, I’m not Certain that this is what’s going on but if you’re willing to take a grain of salt with me then I’m willing to explain my reasoning. With that, let’s continue.

My HOPEFUL guess is that the “probably hate” thing is that Vi and Caitlyn split again at the beginning of S2. Honestly, it could be over a number of things: conflicting motivations about Jinx (Caitlyn wants revenge, Vi’s probably still in denial and wants to find “Powder”. Because she doesn’t call Jinx “Jinx” until After she’s already an Enforcer), Vi probably feels out of place and wants to figure things out on her own (As in she can’t trapse around Zaun she’s unwanted there, but on the flipside she’s a complete outsider to Piltover. Because even though Caitlyn would probably welcome her with open arms, doesn’t mean everyone else will…), there’s really a whole list of things that could probably explain this. So, Vi goes on her own to try and figure herself out and Caitlyn tries to go back to being an Enforcer and go through life without Vi.

But just because Vi left doesn’t mean that the conflict between Piltover and Zaun stops. And simply being an Enfocer is putting targets on Caitlyn’s back, which I think Caitlyn is fully aware of. And she and the others get ambushed at her parent’s tent that I pointed out in an earlier post; to which we Also saw Vi seeing the aftermath of. And, I think Vi has to make the decision that being an Enforcer is her best shot at bringing the conflict between Piltover and Zaun to an end; regardless of what her past has been with them. So, Vi probably comes back to Caitlyn probably midway through-ish (ep 4ish maybe?) and that’s when Caitlyn leads the strike teams to Zaun with those 3 objectives: Find Jinx, get rid of Shimmer, and neutralize anyone still loyal to Silco. I think that Vi and Caitlyn are the one team that goes after Jinx in that temple scene we see in the teaser (because that’s NOT the “finale fight” between the two, there’s NO way they’re showing that this early on) and I believe this for a few reasons: When Vi says “My sister is gone” the background looks like the temple and Vi really only holds that vulnerability in her eyes when talking to Caitlyn (See the bed scene from “Oil and Water”), and the last clip of Caitlyn we see she’s clearly in the temple as well, so I bet she’s probably backup for Vi in case thing’s get nasty. On the downside of this, there’s a still of Caitlyn that doesn’t show up in the trailer where she’s still in the temple, she’s lost her hat and her hair’s a mess and the cut on her lip is fresh. So Clearly this fight doesn’t go the way that they want it to, and that’s where Caitlyn gets the scar on her lip.

Now what happens After this? Ehhh it’s hard to say, mainly because I believe that they haven’t really shown us anything that has to do with the last episodes of the show. And to be honest even with a final trailer they’re probably gonna give us around Sept./Oct. they might only show scenes from up to ep 8 of the season (I only say this cuz that’s what they did for s1).

(Although my little shit of a brain DID say “what if the show Ends with Vi getting amnesia instead of it happening During the season?” soooo thx for That brain, that isn’t upsetting to think about AT ALL…)

So, yea just more speculations on what I think could possibly happen. Also, does anyone know what was said at the Annecy festival? That was supposed to happen today, right? Anyways, I’m out until my brain comes up with something else. Bye!

[unhetalia]

jealous England sounds fun until he realizes america truly has no clue when someone is flirting with him or not. I mean how is England going to woo him in the future?

I could never say how these two get together but in terms of what I like to read (and don't get enough of) I always ALWAYS want Arthur rescuing Alfred so that would be fun to think about...

Also, it kind of goes against any previous "Arthur badly courting Alfred" headcanons that I've previously talked about but recently my mind has flipped to a different relationship scenario between Arthur and Alfred.

Arthur is still a horndog who has way more sex than anyone expects (except Francis, who has been accidentally Arthur's best friend for many years).

Alfred, on the flipside, is either a virgin or someone who has sex very very rarely. Exclusively into men (does he know?), very demisexual. Doesn't have much interest in sex, but this is because he's either never been a good match with the men he's had sex with or, if he's a virgin, it just doesn't seem like it'll be that interesting.

Arthur has never seen Alfred as someone to be sexually interested in BECAUSE he's so busy living in the past aka wishing for the times that Alfred was a child.

Alfred is the one who has been in love with Arthur since before his revolution. I like the headcanon people have that his bid for independence was his attempt at getting Arthur to see him as an equal. (It doesn't work.)

It's near-modern times. Maybe late 90s or early 2000s, Alfred is VERY used to unrequited love. He and Arthur are... cordial, but they have different circles.

It's something that hurts Alfred a lot. How Arthur was never interested in Alfred when he grew up. Arthur only ever wanted a colony - and apparently Alfred wasn't even a colony Arthur considered important. He knows Arthur and India were together for a long time, and Alfred sees the longing looks they still throw at each other. She tells Alfred she's completely over Arthur, but how can you date someone for 50 years* and look at them like THAT and have it be "nothing"?

Then we have one of the bits that changes for me, depending on what fic I want. Something needs to happen to get Arthur to see Alfred as he is. I've talked about this before, but in previous posts I've always gone: friends -> fall in love -> get over revolution hang ups -> end up together. NOW, for England, I want to change it up to: get over revolution hang ups -> friends/fall in love (these two are interchangeable to me for England) -> lovers. Meanwhile, Alfred's journey is: fall in love -> everything else (I find his journey can be more flexible).

SO what can make Arthur get over himself? I think it would need to be something big that'll shake him up a little. Alfred-in-distress is one way. Arthur realises how much he wants to save Alfred-the-Nation, and not just who Alfred-the-Colony ended up being.

OR, with the jealousy theme we've been having: another Nation starts pursuing Alfred, and Arthur is forced to see Alfred as an object of desire for someone else, which then jiggles something loose inside him and allows him to see Alfred as someone who is incredibly desirable.

Alas, in the new ... dynamic? Timeline? that I have for these two, Arthur doesn't do any wooing - even when he does fall for Alfred, or becomes jealous of others wanting Alfred, he'll desperately want that shit HIDDEN, and will be glad Alfred's oblivious.

Them actually ending up together needs to somehow happen without planning. At this point in time I've thought myself into a corner with these two. The world might need to be near-ending before the feelings get squeezed out in the open.

[devotioncrater]

ed/stede + edizzy + edward's bipolar

oh man the first three episodes of season 2 are. wow. okay. much to unpack. more fuel for my Edward Has Bipolar Theory.

DISCLAIMER: i am not a clinician, nor do i hold any degree in the psychology field. this meta is purely drawn from my own experience with diagnosed bipolar i, alongside what i've learnt in years of therapy as well as reading bipolar books/articles and peer-reviewed research papers. above all, this meta is for fun; please do not use this as a self-diagnostic.

this meta is broken up into sections:

the intro section

the bipolar section

the codependency section

the season 2 speculation section

The Intro Section

right away, the admittance of edward hating himself & feeling unloveable recontextualizes everything. his dynamic with stede & the crew, his dynamic with his own crew, his dynamic with izzy.

because like. hi hello?? when izzy says "you know me better than anyone else, and i daresay the same is true for me to you" it's just. a nail in the coffin. one of many nails. here's why.

it took an insane amount of vulnerability for edward to open himself up to stede in season 1. it took a lot out of him to even accept stede's love, and then believe it to be real. he believed that just for one moment in his scarred life, he was someone worth loving, baggage and all. as he himself was. for who he was. stede saw him and loved him and accepted him. if edward had been there to hear when lucius said to stede that the time edward spent with stede was the best it'll ever be for him, edward probably would've agreed.

which is. oh man. it would be a bit of a thin ice situation, wouldn't it? that's fucking bleak.

before we get into that, we need to dissect the dysfunction in the edizzy dynamic. i mean it's all tragic, all toxicated, especially with the downward spiral edward's on. so why examine it? what is there to examine?

the downward spiral began in season 1, became abated by stede & the crew, only to jumpstart at the end thanks in part to izzy. so we need to examine why, because edizzy's dysfunction plays a role in all of this mess.

it's undeniable izzy triggered edward, yes, but look a little further. edward's irritability, his emptiness, his substance abuse, the sudden shift in gears between his erratic moods. the crew walk on eggshells around him, because his behavior in season 2 so far is reckless, dangerous, and suicidal. there's pressurized speech patterns and racing thoughts present and they intermingle alongside low-energetic periods when he isolates. above all, he feels hopeless. overwhelmed by a sea of loneliness. fang starts the season off being unable to recognize him.

on the flipside, in season 1, he's on the tail-end of a low when we meet him. listless, bored, passively suicidal before he swings the other way. with stede & the crew he's up in the clouds. he's affable, he's happy, he's social. there's hope for change. he tries new things, laughs, even falls in love. he imagines a life for himself outside of piracy. there's impulsive actions such as the act of grace and impulsive thoughts like sailing to china. even when stede leaves him, edward grieves at a healthy-looking level. in episode 5, when edward's mood first shifts, fang doesn't recognize him in the elevated state.

the point is, edward feels things in the extreme. he lacks emotional regulation. "uncharacteristic" high highs and low lows.

how he reacted to izzy's trigger — "this is blackbeard" — is disproportionate until you piece together two puzzle pieces:

edward likely has bipolar + his core beliefs (self-loathing/feeling unloveable) throw oxygen into the flame of his relationships.

The Bipolar Section

to get on the same page here, let me provide a few Basic Oversimplified Definitions (here is a pdf of the DSM-5 for a scientific understanding, scroll to page 168. please do not use this PDF or meta as a self-diagnostic. contact a clinician/psychiatrist if you have questions or feel you need an evaluation):

bipolar disorder: a chronic, lifelong mood disorder characterized by manic highs and depressive lows. fluctuations in moods are extreme and, depending on subtype, can inhibit functionality. it can be managed today with medication and psychotherapy.

manic episode: lasting one week or more, this is the high highs. the mood is elevated or irritable. if severe, it can include psychosis/psychotic features such as hallucinations, paranoia, and/or delusions. mania belongs to subtype Bipolar I.

hypomanic episode: lasting at minimum four days straight, this is a lesser high than manic. it does not include psychosis/psychotic features, nor does it inhibit functionality. hypomania belongs to subtypes Bipolar I and Bipolar II.

depressive episode: lasting two weeks or more, this is the low lows. anhedonia and major depression are hallmarks of a depressive episode. depression belongs to all three subtypes of bipolar (the third subtype being cyclothymia).

mixed episode: best of both worlds. a person experiencing one may possess high levels of energy — such as pressurized speech — while simultaneously feeling overwhelmingly low and suicidal. a mood may flip from elated to hopeless on a dime.

euthymia: a mood state that is stable, without (hypo)mania or depression. it is a neutral baseline which occurs between episodes.

IMPORTANT NOTE: bipolar disorder is more complex than "just a mood swing". mood swings are situational, while bipolar presents even without situational factors. think about how, in season 2, edward has got his hair in a messy updo, cleans his cabin, swears off drinking & drugs, and is smiling. he explains to frenchie that he's decided to change after a rough night. then it cuts to a flashback of him the night before lying on the floor bawling his eyes out. the scene is played for laughs, however that is a textbook bipolar mood fluctuation. you go to bed hopeless and you wake up on top of the world, or vice versa. edward's situation hadn't changed in the hours between him crying and his conversation with frenchie.

(it can be argued that he thought izzy had died, but i don't think he believed frenchie had truly finished the job. why else had he grilled frenchie? he was sweating frenchie out, testing frenchie's loyalty. "you don't think i know the smell of my rotting former first mate?" edward knew izzy was alive the entire time).

like with almost every disorder, bipolar disorder presents itself differently in different people. in my experience, when i am in either a depressive or manic episode, two different outlooks may occur:

it becomes hard to remember what life was like on the other emotional end. (i.e. when manic, i tend to downplay my prior depressive episode).

i become hyperaware of the other emotional end, so i try to either get it to happen or prevent it from happening. (i.e. not wanting to become depressed, so i'll do XYZ).

i mention these outlooks because they're common. when you're in it, you're in it; when you're out, you're out. the first outlook is something edward's actions point to him experiencing, too, as evidenced in season 2 with his extreme suicidal behavior. he's in it in it.

the ups and downs in bipolar are difficult for the person struggling with the disorder. often, it feels uncontrollable. the symptoms — especially the ones which risk becoming severe like hopelessness or distractibility — are a challenge to cope with. during the high highs, your brain feels like it's frying. during the low lows, your brain feels like dense fog. therefore it's common for people to turn to substances to help alleviate what they're experiencing, and/or they partake on an impulsive whim. drastic life changes also may occur in an attempt to "fix" or "control" the disorder. severe episodes, when left untreated, may ruin or end people's lives. people with bipolar disorder are 15x more likely to commit suicide than the general population.

people who do not have bipolar themselves yet are close to someone with bipolar may also experience related difficulty. it may feel overwhelming to witness episodes occur with little to no understanding or tools on how to help. it may also feel stressful to try and gauge what state the other person is in. "walking on eggshells" is a common descriptor for the experience when the bipolar is unmanaged. that does not mean the person with bipolar disorder is automatically bad/abusive/harmful, it just means the disorder is a disorder. it interferes with daily functioning, causes distress, and impacts interpersonal relationships.

at the end of season 1, izzy hit edward where it hurts (edward's self-loathing, intertwined with the role of blackbeard) while edward was in what i believe to be a euthymic state (calm). now with their recontextualized relationship, we also see the underlying message of: "i serve blackbeard, he is my captain." -> "edward isn't good enough for my love".

izzy loves edward, but he's made it clear in season 1 it was for edward's blackbeard persona. or was it? you see, i don't believe that claim to be entirely true anymore, not after the first three episodes of season 2.

i believe a more accurate reading would be that in season 1, izzy was concerned, jealous, and vindictive. all in that order. the above underlying message weaponizes edward's separation of Edward and Blackbeard against edward. more on this later.

in season 2, izzy is just plain concerned ("we're worried for you"). he tries a different approach at managing edward's unstable mood. he goes for a softer attempt ("i have...love for you") because maybe, maybe it could work. it worked with stede. when it backfires, he ditches it and goes right back to bluntness ("the atmosphere's fucked!"). he also refuses to kill edward despite everything edward's put him through.

both seasons' motives were not for blackbeard, but for edward.

when we meet them in season 1, their relationship is dysfunctional at best. their baseline dynamic before stede is best depicted during episode 4.

in the model ship scene, edward's excited about stede's stuff, restlessly moving, unable to focus, appearing happy even though he's a hair-trigger away from irritability. he purposefully avoids or dismisses izzy's concerns about dying. he feels bored and trapped ("is this all there is?"), then feels frustration over feeling trapped, citing that he's blackbeard and blackbeard shouldn't feel trapped.

later in the episode, izzy frustratingly points out that edward's moods are "increasingly erratic" and something that izzy himself has had to manage. izzy also states that he's followed edward's every whim for years, and smoothed over their crew for him. edward, again dismissive, says "sounds stressful, izzy". izzy says it is but he felt honored to do it all for blackbeard, who is the greatest sailor he's ever known. this ties into their codependency, which i'll go over later on.

at this point in time, "edward" and "blackbeard" are synonymous, the names are just different titles reserved for different settings. edward himself doesn't see a distinction until stede — a person he respects — consistently treats him like Edward and not like Blackbeard. edward's identity to Blackbeard separates because he opens himself up to the possibility that Edward is someone worth knowing. Blackbeard, once a healthy coping mechanism created to survive in the pirating world, had soured somewhere along the way into an unhealthy coping mechanism. it became more of a cage than a home.

but to izzy, "blackbeard" is a good thing to be because it's an accomplishment of edward's. they built their whole careers and lives around it. when izzy says he's honored to sail with blackbeard, the greatest sailor out there, he says it to try and bring edward back to himself. it's his botched attempt at grounding/helping edward. if edward can be reminded of how great he is, reinforced by his accomplishments under the name blackbeard, maybe he'll snap out of his funk. if edward values izzy, loves izzy how izzy thinks edward does, he'd see the weight behind the compliment. izzy doesn't sail for just anybody.

it's botched entirely because any time edward tries to voice how "blackbeard" really makes him feel, izzy dismisses/minimizes/mocks it. he isn't supportive to edward because he feels threatened in two parts: that edward finds stede fascinating, and that edward is making a drastic life change for both of them based on yet another mood whim.

to izzy, edward becoming Edward and ditching Blackbeard would mean izzy's lost control of the situation, which means izzy's lost control of edward, which means no one will have control of edward. not even edward himself. this is yet another facet of izzy's codependency.

side note: speaking of names, in the calico jack episode, we know "ed" is a nickname edward doesn't allow people to call him. the only two people who call him "ed" are stede and izzy.

so that begs the question: why did izzy call edward "eddy" in season 2? where the hell does that nickname come from? why does edward use it on himself when he was struggling in purgatory?

based on these two conversations in episode 4, we can glean both sides of the situation. on one side is edward, who is struggling mentally and whose work is deteriorating because of it. on the other side is izzy, who is equal parts concerned about edward and frustrated at him because he isn't functioning as well as he used to, leaving izzy to clean up his messes. since this has been a years-long tension point, they are both at the end of their ropes. about to snap.

that is how we meet them.

from then on, edward begins falling for stede, and his mood shifts. he begins functioning better. stede is genuinely good for him. stede, with his different view on life, provides emotional balance and radical acceptance and a general softness that edward's been missing. he is supportive, he is kind, and he treats edward like edward isn't broken.

but stede is not accustomed to pirate life or its reality. he's naive to the point of foolish. foolish to the point of fatality. and izzy sees those flaw points right away. it's a red flag to him because how can edward — passively suicidal edward — be trusted to not take advantage of stede's naivety and steer them all into a doomed situation?

edward's relationship with stede is also where izzy's jealousy kicks into gear, clouds his judgement.

i mean, shit, wouldn't anyone feel slighted? if you devote your life to a man, stick with him through thick & thin, feel responsible for both of your lives, go above and beyond, worry over his wellbeing, put him before yourself....just for him to run off with a wannabe pirate.

a wannabe pirate who has only known your man for a fraction of the time you and your man have been together. his weeks compared to your years. yet somehow he gets your man's good side, gets the love you desperately want.

of course izzy's seething. wouldn't anyone?

it makes sense for izzy to sell edward and stede out to the british navy. he's spiteful, vindictive. bet there's a bit of hurt pride to it, too. it's fucked! it's a terrible thing to do!

his motive here boils down to, once again, keeping edward alive. cleaning up what he perceives to be another mess. sell stede out, keep edward where he can see him. izzy hates spanish jackie's, he hates the navy, he doesn't enjoy any of it. this is his hail mary, his last ditch effort.

of course it backfires. royally. no one expected edward to call for an act of grace. to sign away his life. izzy tries to stop him, but edward goes where stede goes. and soon after that, edward returns without stede.

and soon after that, the situation deteriorates. edward's launched into a severe mixed episode, triggered by the compounded stress of stede leaving and izzy's rejection of Edward. pressurized speech, emptiness, irritability, suicidal behavior, increased goal-directed activity...he ping-pongs between mania and severe depression. this is more than a break-up.

edward struggles with emotional impermanence. when stede's right in front of him, kissing him, edward feels secure that stede loves him. but when stede doesn't meet him at the dock? Stede Never Loved Me.

another example: izzy. when izzy obeys edward's orders, edward feels secure that izzy loves him. but when izzy speaks up or disagrees? Izzy Never Loved Me.

"he was your friend," jim tells edward, in reference to edward's awful treatment of izzy. but edward, at this intersection of a severe mixed episode + emotional impermanence, can't see that.

he burns his bridges left and right. destroys everything because he's lashing out in pain and he doesn't think he deserves anything good. Blackbeard? sure, he'll be Blackbeard. Blackbeard is all he'll ever be anyways. a killer, a pirate, a crazy captain who does too much rhino horn.

edward hates himself so fiercely that he only finds relief during the storm, right before he believes he's going to die. "finally."

The Codependency Section

edward's relationship with izzy was always going to end in destruction.

they both love each other, we have canon confirmation of this. "i have...love for you" and "i loved you best i could".

edward's confession is critical here, because he did love izzy as best as he could. there exist moments between them that shine light into possible happier times. the way edward talks to izzy to placate him in season 1 when izzy packs a dinghy, even if manipulative at the time, requires intimate knowledge on what izzy would be receptive to. david jenkins mentioned that it was izzy who helped doll edward up for the season 1 ball, an offscreen act of intimacy. edward tries unsuccessfully to connect with izzy over stede's model ship and the clouds. the casual way edward says "i had a dream about you last night."

"best i could." if edward hated himself less, he could have loved izzy more. if he believed he was deserving of love, he could have accepted the fact izzy loves him.

so they both love each other, but love is not enough to combat self-hate. it just isn't. the only opponent to self-hate is self-compassion.

self-compassion is a process you have to choose for yourself. you must work on it yourself, hopefully with the aid of an external support system. self-compassion is separate from self-love and other forms of love because, oftentimes, people who operate under the core belief of Being Unloveable also operate under an assumption that love is conditional. "i'm not enough" / "i'll never be enough" / "i don't deserve love" / "i'm too much". it's unrealistic for someone to jump headfirst into healing when that healing is programmed with restrictions. we are our own worst critic. so to practice self-compassion is to soothe that inner, hater critic until we heal ourselves enough to get to a place where we can practice unconditional love on the neglected self.

the conditional love aspect is one that is modeled. edward grew up in an abusive household. abusers hold their victims out on a string of conditions. furthermore, his mother rejected his interest in fine things by saying that it's not "for people like us". it makes sense for edward to internalize an "i'm not [rich/nice/good/etc] enough" message, thereby shutting himself out.

he continues to shut himself out in the aftermath of killing his alcoholic father. he doesn't tell anyone about the traumatic event — an oscillation into "i'm too much" — until he opens up to stede.

so here you have an unloveable boy, the victim of domestic violence and the killer of his own father, going into the chaotic world of pirating. a world — put so eloquently by calico jack in season 1 — where everyone fucks each other over. where trust is a prized, rare currency.

and somewhere along the way, he and izzy find each other. and they stick together for years.

both edward and izzy bottle their emotions up and then blow up on each other. it's so completely different to how stede & the revenge crew operate. it's years of miscommunication and mutual resentment between them, caused in part due to their pirate enviornment. their pattern is hot and cold. reactive.

izzy smooths over things with the crew -> edward is dismissive of izzy -> izzy blows up on edward and resigns -> edward convinces izzy to stay -> edward begins falling for stede -> izzy and stede fight over edward's heart -> izzy gets exiled for losing, edward says nothing -> izzy goes vindictive mode and sells edward/stede out to the navy -> edward hates izzy's guts -> edward comes back without stede, depressed -> izzy smooths over things with the crew -> edward is dismissive of izzy -> izzy blows up on edward and triggers him -> edward convinces izzy to stay through violence

it's that one friend who keeps returning to their shitty partner — on again/off again —, only here they both are the shitty partner.

the thing about unhealthy relationships is that they provide a layer of comfort. it's known territory. which is why, when an unhealthy relationship morphs into a codependent one, it is incredibly difficult to break out of them.

codependency definition: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.

like conditional love, codependency is learned/modeled inside of a dysfunctional family setting.

it works a bit like an ouroboros in that it's an infinite loop. the codependent partner compulsively takes care of their struggling partner in the hopes they get better. this role of "caretaker" makes them feel needed/wanted, ergo filling their own low self-esteem void. however, all the rescuing does is enable the struggling partner further into self-destruction.

sound familiar?

izzy is edward's caretaker. izzy is codependent.

important note: no one feels good inside of a codependent relationship. there may be positive periods, yes, but codependency is primarily stressful for both parties involved.

in order to blossom, codependency relies on low self-esteem.

we know edward oscillates with his self-esteem, but we don't talk about how low izzy's self-esteem is.

izzy doesn't have an identity outside of edward, with the exception of being one of the best swordsmen in the pirating world. of course, this exception is taken from him when edward cuts his toes off.

izzy is high-strung with a compulsive need for control. things must be done when he orders them to, to the high standards he creates. do not question his authority. this compulsion is exasperated by edward's uncontrollable mood shifts.

izzy rolls with the punches, metaphorically and literally. he shuts down attempts at comfort, evidenced by his knee jerk reaction when fang hugs him in season 2. "i'm fine. unhand me. unhand me!" he doesn't allow himself to fully break down and cry. the tears only appear in this scene, and when edward attempts to get izzy to kill him.

loyal to a fault, izzy threatens to leave, goes to leave, but never leaves. he gets casted out, so he devises a plan to return instead of, i don't know, creating a new life for himself. even when edward maims him, he stays.

so is this loyalty? or is this a belief that this is what he deserves? or maybe it's loyalty born from the belief that this is all he's deserving of.

a hit dog will holler, and boy does izzy holler when questioned. about his role, about himself, about who he is to edward.

so who is izzy without edward?

"you know me better than anyone else and i daresay the same applies with me to you." is an insane thing to say because izzy does know edward, but only the version of edward he stitched his skin to. the unstable, erratic version that needs help, and who he subconsciously sabotages with enablement.

and edward does know izzy better than anyone else because izzy's consumed by him.

if edward could not accept izzy's love in a direct form, then the roles izzy inhabits are his only outlet. Caretaker, Punching Bag, First Mate. 50 ways to say I Love You and none of them are healthy.

they both are violent with each other, drag each other down, but can't quit even when they know that they function better separated. codependency is an addiction, and like an addiction, the only way for this to end was in rockbottom or death.

The S2 Speculation Section

going back to the very top, here's why i say this thing with ed/stede is on thin ice right now: without edward working on his self-compassion, their relationship runs the risk of devolving into yet another unhealthy dynamic.

stede has decent self-esteem, an identity outside of edward, so i don't think they'll ever become codependent. stede also doesn't try to fix or enable edward. again, stede is genuinely good for edward.

i think the Mer!Stede scene was amazing, vital in balancing the heavy topic of suicide/death with the overarching comedy genre of the show. love saves lives, without love the world is bleak. who are we as humans without connection?

that being said, i personally want to see edward heal before jumping into a full-blown romantic/sexual relationship with stede. he deserves to choose himself, nurture Edward, and figure out how to manage his moods. especially since his last relationship with izzy was so tumultuous.

speaking of izzy, i also want to see izzy find himself and heal, too. he needs to learn how to let go. i'm hoping he'll build up his self-esteem in his own way, doing something he's good at (maybe as a sword-fighting instructor?).

either way, i trust the direction this show will go in. they've done well so far in their depictions of mental health and the impact of mental health. it'll be interesting to see the rest unfold.

[tenbees]

I think it’s weird to demonize a gay fiction genre even if a lot of fujos are horrible. We should all instead unite against the real evil: hentai and hetslop. The former objectifies and dehumanizes women in ways I didn’t even think was possible and has bred the worst epidemic of straight men imaginable: incels and transbians (well big overlap but you know). And the latter has straight/bi women fetishize their own abuse at the hands of misogynistic men, as well as on the flipside unrealistically romanticizing them as if the prince charming existed in real life. That new really popular hetero game love in deep space or whatever seems to be a bit of both. I can't believe that I've seen women share this stuff claiming they're lesbians while playing a literal self-insert het softcore game with a bunch of uncanny valley android men seducing them. What level of delusion are you at to still think you're a lesbian if you're into that? Straight romance is and sex is just unimaginably boring and distasteful. The woman I was recently talking to got all worked up about which woman a male character should end up with on a tv show. Why the hell would you care if you’re a lesbian? Men don’t deserve women, women don’t deserve to have to deal with shitty men, heterosexuality is gross and that man was no prize even if such a thing existed in fiction. Biggest turn-off ever. I’d rather date a mild fujo who consumes some gay media in addition to lesbian rather than het stuff. In my teens when I first found out about yuri and yaoi they were admittedly pretty bad, loads of heteronormativity, homophobia etc. But the yuri now slaps and I’ve read a few bl stories that have been recommended to me and they’ve been quite touching. Obviously there are the ones that are just p*rn that I have 0 interest in. There’s the one I always see posted online with a twink who looks malnourished and underaged and is being abused by a psycho or something? And the unhinged homophobic fujos think that’s ’hot’? Now that’s insane. I read one bl manga that was autobiographical and written by an actual Japanese gay man and wow it was so tragic and perfectly encapsulated what living in a homophobic society feels like. I wish that was the direction yuri and yaoi moved in, realistic and written by actual same sex attracted people. I don’t think it’s 100% negative that straight girls read cute stories about men falling in love as long as they’re not creepy about it. Namely: if they don’t harass actual gay men, fetishize their sex lives or try to self-insert into gay fiction, or mimic it in real life which in worst cases has ended up in hetero TIFs pretending to be gay men. I have Asian gay male friends who discovered their sexuality through bl manga and still appreciate it. I’ve also seen straight women from insanely religious 3rd world countries say that bl and gl opened their eyes to the fact that gay love is beautiful unlike what they were brainwashed to think. And all these gay Asian couples on YT making big bucks off of straight girls subscribing to their couple channels? Good for them, that’s reparations. Unfortunately a lot of heteros have used yuri and yaoi for evil and I do detest the fake -trans- ’gays’ and fetishist freaks it has produced and there’s a lot of valid criticism there. But ultimately the popularity of these genres has also done a lot to normalize gay people’s existence, especially in Asia, leading to a lot more actual positive representation and job opportunities for gay people so it’s not all bad.

tbhh hentai is so evil that i can feel myself taking psychological damage if i interact with it at all. there’s so much male depravity that’s so bad that it harms women to just witness it and i’m not really sure what to do about it. i separate myself from men, but that doesn’t stop it from existing in the world. and i especially don’t know what to do about osa women who fetishize their own abuse. i’m constantly baffled that women eroticize violent, dangerous, monstrous men, but i’m so outnumbered; i feel like the most i can do is keep a wide berth and let the hets go at it.

ok i agree that it helps normalize gay people; m/m fic was part of my journey of realizing gay people are normal and then realizing i’m a lesbian. i want there to be more gay stories in the world. i’m just frustrated that there are SO MANY bi women whose only connection to the lgbt community is m/m porn. i have bi friends who will talk to me for hourss about m/m fanfiction but have nothing really to say about women or wlw relationships or wlw media. it’s obvious that m/m is just another way for them to experience their het attraction, the only attraction they take seriously, and to then act like it gives them insight into being gay or the right to talk about gay issues……. ? i think the fake trans gays are the worst manifestation of this, but even with normal women, it’s just bizarre to position yourself as a gay ally when the thing that led you to being an ally is…. enjoying gay erotica and thinking it’s hot when two men are together. like it would be so bizarre if any other minority was treated like this. we always say it’s inappropriate for people to ask how two women even do it, but we also have to accept that the price of allyship is straight people writing erotica about what we do in private?

when lesbians are into m/m, often it’s obvious that the ‘lesbian’ is attracted to men in some way, or if not, it just feels like another example of centering men. of course i’ll read m/m stuff if it’s good, and when i first came out it didn’t bother me that much, but as time goes on i just feel tired of always being in a group of women talking about men, even if all the women are gay. i think spending so much time thinking about men messes with lesbians’ heads; a lot of lesbians into m/m have issues with their bodies or places in society, and i think focusing more on women’s stories would help them.

i do wish that gay stories were written by actually gay people, which should be a given, but we’re so outnumbered. i hate being surrounded by ‘gay representation’ that’s actually hetero people playing with gay dolls.

[inventors-fair]

Creator's Pet

We, as players of a game as diverse as Magic, are really spoiled for choice when it comes to different ways to play the game. And among these innumerable different archetypes, everyone has their favorites. Maybe the way it plays is what attracted you, or the way the cards interact, or just the neat looking aesthetics.

So often the best part of something you like is sharing it with others, and what better way to do that than while also showing off your design chops? And so that's why I'm calling on you all!

Design a piece of support for your favorite archetype!

The parameters here are deliberately very open, and most of the details will really just come down to whatever you feel is best. Even what constitutes an "archetype" in the first place is largely down to personal interpretation. Of course, they'll still be judged according to my sensibilities, but I'd encourage you to use this as a chance to "pitch" what really grabbed you about whatever archetype you end up going with.

To elaborate a bit, what are the kind of things I'm thinking of when I say "support?" Well, plenty of archetypes are on the smaller side or maybe a bit eclectic thanks to gaps of years between cards. In that case, maybe what you think it needs is a missing piece to bring the whole thing together, or just a singularly strong card for the rest to rally around. On the flipside, there's plenty of archetypes with a much broader catalogue, but there's also plenty of room to both explore new territory and double down on existing strengths. To reiterate though, this contest really is about what you want at the end of the day.

I look forward to all your labors of love! — @spooky-bard

>>> Sell me a bridge in our inbox HERE! >>> Spread the love on our Discord HERE!

[notapplicableinformation]

The Villains' lore doesn't entirely fit?

Does anyone else think that the Villains in Super Paper Mario are great, but that their lore doesn't exactly.....Fit in the game too well?

Let me explain-

Count Bleck, even though there is foreshadowing and clear build up to his relationship with Timpani, I thought it was a bit odd that none of the dimensions that were visited wasn't, like, the remains of the dark tribe from when Blumiere had opened up the Dark Prognositcus. Or that there wasn't any location in the game visited that had Tippi recollect a memory of familiarity-

The other minions' lore doesn't really fit with any of the locations visited in the game either in my opinion- O'Chunks lore being an army general who was betrayed is very interesting for his character, but I wouldn't know if he were from any of the dimensions that we visit in the game as there isn't any link to any form of 'war', as an example, in any of the present locations in the game. He probably comes from a different dimension outside of the places we visit in the game, but that arises questions as to why Flipside has doors to only a few dimensions and what counts as a dimension and what counts as a world in the first place. This also makes me ask why the villains can't have come from the dimensions visited in this game to make the game feel that smaller bit more complete?

Mimi's story is also a bit odd, with that failed pixel experiment possibility or creation of a witch possibility. Neither of those are even alluded to in any place of the narrative, so... There's only Carson to go off. It would have been interesting to come across a potential place of a 'witch' so that what Carson is saying could have more merit, but it doesn't matter too much.

Dimentio makes sense to be entirely ambiguous, it's in character for him, but then you have all of the Pixl Uprising lore and the lore of the magician. It's....It's all great lore but it's so peculiar that there is NOTHING about this lore alluded to in ANY other place of the game other than Carson's bar- (To be fair though, if one went by the "Dimentio is Merloo" theory, or even if you went for the theory that he's one of the descendants, there's actually a bit of evidence for this outside of Carson's bar in the Gate between Flipside and Flopside where you can read that Merloo was a magician who could control dimensions, but I digress.)

Nastasia's lore is also strange. The 'Of bats and men' story- It's...Extremely random. It links well to when Nastasia says she'll stay by Bleck's side as he saved her, but the whole being a bat and becoming human is....strange, as it really feels like it came from nowhere.

To conclude, I love Super Paper Mario very much, though I feel that the villains stories aren't....Very well engraved into the plot, the stories seem like they were added in separately, very good stories, yes, but...Not really connected to any of the established locations. Carson is the main source of evidence to go by-

I may be missing something, but I thought it was a bit odd that the stories of the Villains weren't at least a little bit linked to any of the worlds visited- Maybe there are some links and I don't remember any, but this was just a meagre observation I had made.

Anyway, have a nice day! Apologies for the long discussion. I'd love to hear any thoughts on the subject matter.

[1ore]

ruminating on the design symmetry between nithi and my 'nid knockoffs. i'm still of the opinion that the empire doesn't need to have its weird anxieties about other people legitimized, but it's scratching an itch in my brain if maybe we are actually observing extreme ends of the solitary nithi < - > social nithi spectrum.

Oeste likens the Chief's actions under the military arm of the empire to nithi flocking together and suffering "the terrible delusion." it rhymes with a metaphor that my roommate described to me, framing "the economy" as a kind of incomprehensible, eldritch megastructure-being which no single person understands or controls, but participates in in a kind of compulsory, ritualistic way. and this rhymes with cutting open our anxieties about hiveminds and parasites and being colonized by aliens until the anxieties about having done unto us (imperialism) what we do to others (imperialism) come falling out.

i think of the spacebug hivemind as a kind of emergent megabody made up of a bunch of tiny bodies. they're like organs and cells and microbiota. they're specialized, they have autonomy, but they are part of a larger structure that they can't survive without and probably don't even really comprehend. and the structure also has, like, a personality, and desires, which are simultaneously a product of and superimposed on its littler components. this abstraction is indistinguishable from the empire-as-incomprehensible-megastructure-being, but the engine, or i guess the glue that holds it together, is a little different. I remember someone saying something to the effect that we don't leave major social media platforms, even though we know they prey on our data and they manufacture outrage and they are designed to be addictive, because we love each other more than we hate those platforms. we are funnie little social apes at the end of the day. this is the engine of our survival. nithi must be facultatively "social" with their own kind if they can come together and form the spacebug hivemind as a survival function. but the engine driving that feels different for a ~solitary people, i'm just not sure how, or how to describe it. is it a calculated choice to "hand over the reigns" to a higher authority in the interest of self-preservation? is it a basal fight-or-flight response / an altered state of consciousness / a survival mode that happens to last thousands of years? is it a lifecycle thang

this also begs the question of how old this arrangement is and whether nithi were societal or solitary first. are solitary nithi nithi that were removed from the hive, and they simply developed their own consciousness / social faculties in absence of The Megastructure. have nithi always been inserting themselves into the social structures of other creatures like some kind of cowbird (honorific), and The Megastructure is just a recent offshoot of that social impulse. has it always been a little bit of both, and only recently has the "middle way" of loosely-associated hunting bands or mutual defense accords produced social units of either extreme, The Megastructure or The Hermit. do hives elicit the same sense of existential horror from ~loosely social and solitary nithi that the empire does from the scattered humans of wasteland earth. or are they far enough afield that it's more like encountering a thing of the uncanny valley that superficially resembles a nithing but is decidedly un-nithi. it would be kind of funny if some hives formed in response to (and justified their existence to themselves using) the Empire. just two horrific war machines chilling in the whirlpool galaxy 5 lightyears apart because they're not gay.

on the flipside we have wasteland earth's hive, which has a planet-wide bacchanal every 17 years and only troubles itself with the Empire when two beautiful circles named "edible" and "stable nuclides" intersect.

maybe the real megastructure is the friends we ate along the way

[andithiel]

Would you be an angel and save my from ao3 withdrawal symptoms by posting a little snippet of any WIP you might have in your drawer? You’re my absolute favorite author ❤️

Oh my gosh anon, I'm positively preening at this ask! And if you're the same anon from a few month ago, you probably know that I respond extremely well to flattery, so yes, of course I'll share a snip. It's from the same WIP I posted a snippet of here and here, and it follows immediately after. Definitely a bit nsfw (and very much unbeta'd).

[Harry] swallowed thickly, thinking about how this would be over soon, and as long as he could hide his boner, he’d be home soon, taking care of it. “Okay, I think you can push a bit if you want to help,” he said while carefully grabbing the vibrator between thumb and forefinger.

Malfoy pushed, and Harry pulled, finally making the vibrator come out with a wet squelching sound. Harry dropped it on the bed and Malfoy immediately snatched it away, fidgeting with it for a bit until it stopped. Then, realising he was still naked, he quickly pulled the duvet over himself, covering his body entirely.

“Thanks ever so for your service, Potter. Now can you please leave me and we’ll never speak of this again.”

He kept his gaze fixed on a spot on the wall, which Harry was thankful for since it meant he wouldn’t risk seeing the bulge in Harry’s joggers (why hadn’t he put on jeans before leaving the Academy, it would’ve been a better cover up), but he also felt some sort of… anticlimax. Of course, the obvious anticlimactic feeling of being extremely turned on and not able to do much about it at the moment, but there was something else as well.

“We should cast some healing spells first,” Harry’s mouth said before his brain could stop it.

Malfoy turned his head slowly towards him, but Harry had sat back on his haunches, which he hoped would conceal his crotch from Malfoy’s angle.

“I beg your pardon? You haven’t had enough of my embarrassment?”

“I—” Harry started, meaning to back out of this while Malfoy gave him an opening, but then the words tumbled out of his mouth again without him controlling them. “I think you’ll probably have micro tears since we don’t know how far up the vibrator went, and they could possibly be dangerous.” What the fuck? He needed to backpedal this as soon as possible. “But, um, yeah it’s probably better to go to St Mungos and let them check you up,” he mumbled.

Malfoy was silent and still for so long that Harry had time to replay his words over and over in his head and cringe more and more each time. What the fuck was he thinking? He should get out while they both still had some dignity left.

“Fine, I’ll— You do have a point, Potter. It should be healed, but I’ll be damned before I let those quacks poke their wands up my arse.”

“What?”

“You’ve already been in there, you—” He cut himself off, drawing a deep breath. “Please?”

There it was again, that pleading. It did things to Harry. And even though it was probably the stupidest idea in mankind, he licked his lips and nodded.

“Yeah, ‘course,” he added as he realised Malfoy wouldn’t see his movements, his voice scratchy and wobbly. “‘Course I’ll help you.”

Malfoy let out a long breath and then slowly pulled the duvet off of him, revealing his naked body again. Harry swallowed, his body tensing up again at the sight of Malfoy’s pale, slender but sinewy legs. He wondered what it would feel like to have them wrapped around his hips while he—

“Same position as before?” Malfoy’s voice pulled Harry out of his musings, and he shook his head slightly to clear it.

“Um, yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” The positive thing was that it kept things a bit impersonal when he couldn’t see Malfoy’s face, and he wouldn’t run the risk of Malfoy seeing the tent in his joggers. But on the flipside, he could see a lot of Malfoy’s body: the well shaped shoulders, the curve of his spine running down towards those twin dimples on the small of his back, not to mention his delectable arse. Harry wanted to bite it. “Are you ready?”

Malfoy scoffed. “Just do it.”

[jezmmart]

Chamomile Comic Trivia #28

#146 - Really

This story arc was vaguely inspired by my job experience. I am A manager but not THE manager at my reluctant retail day job, but there's always something stupid happening and I've had to run the place for anywhere between a week to a month or two so many times over the years, so I had a few experiences to draw jokes out of.

#147 - My

Having said that, I feel no ownership or pride of authority, so this one is just fun with characters. In my head, the place that the customer goes to for buying something is just "the till" so I remember it took me a while to come up with, of all things, the words "service counter" - something for Layla to refer to that area by that didn't sound completely unnatural in dialogue.

#148 - Follow

Now this one IS very much based on my own experience going to management meetings and training days. Fleeting moments of inspiration in how to improve things and community with fellow management - followed by immediately getting slammed back down to earth by how hard the ideas would be to implement due to constantly stingy hours and how it's all just about making money in the end.

I remember once pointing out a hypocrisy in a company process during a training meeting. The trainer conceded to my point making sense then came to the conclusion of... "do it like we said anyway". Cool.

The fact that Layla is making notes and paying attention while veteran managers to her left and right doze off was also true to my experience, lmao.

#149 - Help

Very important lore drop here - the addition of the cute little staff only spiral staircase upstairs in the corner of the shop, which was a memorably fun thing to decide "I really want this in Cammie's shop, I'm always fascinated by them when I see them in a shop and ever since I was little always very upset I can't go up and down them" and then realise "right now I have to figure out how to draw that!!". I've checked the blurry backgrounds for the two comics where this corner of the shop was visible before and there wasn't any sign of it, so this is a very light retcon (those blurry backgrounds were very vague anyway though). A rare case of it being more sensible to draw the background in full since it was getting used for all 4 panels, so enjoy some uncensored spiral staircase:

I remember coming up with this joke when a Uni friend was visiting and we were just sort of riffing off each other with work related jokes or something, so this comic takes me back to fond memories of said visit generally!

If you look carefully you can see Layla has already performed her management teleportation spell in panel 3, behind the thief's open jacket.

#150 - Stop

The big 150! Well, it feels like a special number at this stage (250 also feels special, and then after that the 50s don't so much anymore for whatever reason). Either way I decided to do a quadruple lengther!

I haven't always followed this rule but I decided at this time at least, for extra-length comics, I still wanted each "page" to at least vaguely stand-up as a standalone comic too. In that context, the main purpose of going extra length is to keep the pace on a scene which I don't want dragging out across a whole month.

The spot Cammie runs by in this panel is the same one from comic #56, Cammie's footprints permanently a part of this street's history now. I know for sure these two extras in the foreground will show up in a few future comics when I couldn't be bothered to design new ones too.

The "helping the old ladies across the street" part of this chase is one of my favourite comedy scenes I've come up with over the years, I don't remember at all where it came from, I just enjoy it as a reader now, haha! I'm particularly proud his look back and Cammie's responding glare.

On the flipside I wish I could have come up with something a bit more meaningful than just "there is a dead end" to finish the chase but it's not really super important, the seagull joke is the point.

And now for something that hasn't come up in a Trivia post before - significant unused content!

For a short time I was thinking about following the above with a new arc dealing with an actual fallout from the shoplifting incident, with two comics scripted out. It's been years and I've never used or repurposed these so I think it's safe to share them. I reserve the right to still use a variance of these one day if it really feels right for another story though, not everyone reads these trivia posts, haha!

I'll let the scripts speak for themselves first.

Unused #151:

Unused #152:

From here the idea was that Bri and Cammie would have had a falling out for a little while (maybe a couple months worth of comics I was thinking) due to Bri, her dearest and most understanding friend, outright calling her stupid in the heat of her deep concern, sort of an expansion of the little moment where Vi genuinely hurt Cammie's feelings by referring to her "rampant idiocy" back in #59 / #62.

But as the deadline to begin work on the #151 approched I just wasn't coming up with anything I liked to follow that thread through, so in the end it didn't happen and we got... *flips page* a comic about Cammie putting a bucket on her head instead! Good stuff.

I still think canonically, Bri wouldn't have approved of Cammie's chase, but in this case she kept her frustrations to herself!

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