#and i will put it on mega or drive... idk i will figure it out

[irlnorthshaw]

this is something that's either been highly asked or requested:

"xander where do you get your scenepacks?"

the thing this: i do not use any. as in, yes, i sit here and spend hours surfing for footage by watching every episode (some i do memorise and some... i do it all manually) SO!! to give back to the community, i will start making scenepacks for you guys. but here's the thing:

i do not want to make them hours long, so i will either divide by mood or seasons (your pick)

also this does not mean i will add every footage of said character into the scenepack bc lets be real... half of it would be unusable

so please feel free to request any character you want a scenepack for (im guessing a lot of you want skarra so i will get him cleared first) but also THIS TAKES TIME. A LOOOONG TIME. so i appreciate your patience on that as well

[mudkip-enthusiast18]

thoughts on rosekiller? I love your acc btw :))

WAHHHH THANK U SM ANON ;-; ����💛💝💛💝💛💝💛 IM SO SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME 10 YEARS TO ANSWER IVE BEEN SO BUSY :,,,,,,,)

here’s a bunch of random hcs that I don’t think I’ve talked about much hehe :33 (mix of modern/canon/everything aus lol):

arospec/allo barty x allo/acespec evan is my fav thing ever (demiromantic pansexual barty and gay aceflux evan more specifically :3 )

every one in a while (idk how often people touch up their hair lol) they have a “hairdye night” where they put on a show or music on one of their phones and they camp out in the bathroom for a few hours and dye each other’s hair/touch up each other’s roots

continuing off of that last one, barty’s the type of person that mega panics when his roots are showing he needs to dye it IMMEDIATELY no one can know he’s a natural blonde (everyone knows) while evan is the type to not care at all and have it grow out for like 4 months before going “eh I should probably re-bleach it,,,,” the only reason he does it as often as he does it cause they dye their hair together or else he’d forget/procrastinate to no end

evan drives but only cause barty’s the most awful reckless fastest driver in the world and evan doesn’t wanna crash and die

barty collects rings + cool knives and evan collects figurines + physical media and together they collect lego

they're the absolute most annoying couple in the world holy fuck all their friends are so done with them and strangers on the street hate them (not cause of homophobia just cause why are they kissing on the middle of the sidewalk I’m trying to walk here) they’re so clingy and affectionate the pda is insane

they INVENTED best friends to lovers they’re the absolute ultimate yearners

barty’s catholic and evan’s an atheist but he goes to church w barty on the important days (christmas eve, easter, etc) cause “if it’s important to barty it’s important to me”

they like going to conventions and matching cosplays (this might just be projecting lol,,,,,,,,,,,) (a lot of my evan thoughts are,,,,,,, 😭)

strangers and acquaintances see them as the same person, they think they have the same personality and interests and everything, but to close friends and each other they’re complete opposites

they can spend hours and hours and hours and hours just yapping to each other about anything and everything and they never run out of things to talk about

they bicker constantly but they very very very rarely ever actually fight (had all their big fights before they got together and learnt how to navigate them and communicate properly through those experiences so once they got together they were already masters at deescalating disagreements)

barty didn’t sleep for over a week straight after evan died, not until he literally fainted from exhaustion and he would hallucinate evan’s blood on his hands and his dead broken body lying wherever he went

their daughter calls barty dad/daddy and evan papa

their “getting together” was very VERY rocky at the start there was a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding and assumptions that weren’t true and fear and guilt and just all the things but they eventually figured it out and it turned into one of the healthiest relationships ever

they like to have little spontaneous dance parties in their living room just the 2 of them :3

and I think I’m gonna leave it there :33 this was so so fun anon TYSMMMMMMM I love love love love love talking about them it’s my fav activity ever hehe :D

[hymless]

So after days of testing, I have finally figured out what was causing the lag issue with my choker conversions…

After uninstalling, reinstalling & many other suggestions that I greatly appreciate still… it was the vertex paint color. Idk where I got the number that I used from. It obviously breaks the cc now in my game so I will be updating it to the CORRECT color. (007F00) & will be uploading the ‘working’ versions soon. (Ik a lot of you have said it hadn’t been affected so idk) It obviously affected my gameplay to need to be fixed. (Even after removing sliders & presets) But you never know. They may work better or not FOR YOU with this updated code. It’s your choice to see. I’ll probably keep the old versions In my vault folder incase of things that might happen. (Idk)

Which also leads to say I will probably open my new also FREE Patreon page that will ONLY contain Male Frame conversions. For those that ONLY want those or want to be updated about new stuff I convert without my Tumblr account nonsense as well.

I don’t like the conversions on MY CREATED CC page. I do not want others that aren’t there for conversions to have to see me only upload conversions if that’s what I decide to do. I also do not want to keep updating one post to include every conversion I do. I rather make a new post so that you 🫵🏻, will get notified that there’s new things to put on your pretty sims. (It also gives me a reason to upload that butterfly dress finally)

I don’t like Mega/Mediafire/Google Drive/CF to want to have a second upload area on those sites. All conversions will still have SFS link but a second one is needed.

End Note:

I will be updating all necklace conversions soon. It’ll be on a new free Patreon, as well as all future Male Frame conversions.

IT’S WHAT I’VE DECIDED. I’M SORRY IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.

[feshsticks]

ok i hate making actual post additions but i was simply putting Too Much in the tags, so imma lay it out as briefly as i can

my kneejerk reaction was actually watchog - built-in hi vis, cautious nature, humanoid, fit the bill right? but then I realised the lil buddy is only just over a meter tall, which is way below the standard seat fittings

(i tried finding the original forum but the OP has since been banned, and i think it's hence been deleted? otherwise i wouldn't put in this amount of effort)

now i haven't been personally trained on the counterbalance type forklift, especially not a hyundai one, but i work close enough with them to have a rough gist of their requirements, and i ended up writing criteria lol:

binocular vision. depth perception is key. their primary sense should be sight, because as cool as an echolating driver is, the truck itself is fairly noisy. was fairly relaxed with this one bc pictures aren't always clear on facial layout

Ideally single-brained. I don't have experience observing hive minds operating MHE, but it's best to play it safe

Humanoid. The minimum requirement would be 2 arms and 2 legs that can comfortably operate foot and hand controls with enough dexterity and finesse to maintain full control, including being able to turn in the seat to look backwards. Looking at the model diagrams, limbs would also ideally need to be human-proportioned too. sorry darmanitan

- This criterium also includes height and weight; I can't find any direct maximums for weight, but the body should fit within the confines of the truck (yes i could calculate it. no i don't want to. i have a flight tomorrow). for height, i've used the lax-ish boundaries of 5 to 7 feet.

- Excessively large tails or shells will disqualify candidates as they move the driver's centre of mass from the seat to the pedals. sorry, i'm sticking to the model laid out by OP, assuming no modifications have been made as per safety regulation standards

No open biological hazards. We're talking open flames, toxic fumes, excessive spikes or even slime. A clean truck is a safe truck

Optimal working conditions must be relatively permanent. No mega evolutions or fish pokemon or plants needing sunlight every 10 minutes idk

Also working under the assumption you'd want an easy-to-find hire (non-mystic/legendary/otherwise exclusive pokemon), I figured height would be the easiest to start with, then whittle away from there. I let the weight criteria bog me down too much at first but most (most!!) pokemon have mass roughly proportional to height. Remember, whoever is hired must at least be granted hi-vis and safety shoes!

An understanding of consequence and danger. we don't want any short-tempered pokemon or ghosties driving for shits n giggles. this is a multi-ton vehicle!

by extension, i've also taken into account natural behaviours. if a pokemon hates sudden noises, strangers etc. it's unfit for the job

Candidates that Require Deeper Background Checks:

(not enough info):

- grapploct

- hisuian decidueye

- quaquaval

- inteleon

Candidates that Need Physician Approval:

- Gardevoir (obstruction between eyes)

Candidates that May Require Extra Training:

(due to personal habits)

- hypno

- electivire

- ditto (failed identity check, please review)

- cofagrigus

- blaziken

Good Candidates for Rural Sites:

- golduck

- ursaring

Chosen Candidates:

- passimian

- rillaboom

Both excellent team players and enthusiastic workers

Honourable Mentions:

- machamp: "hands react faster than it can think" Uh oh. and "terrible at delicate work"

- zoroark: illusionary =/= proper transformation

- decidueye: "panics when surprised" can't be having that. a good driver is calm in emergencies

- machoke: top tier candidate. consider altering forktruck model or making appropriate seat adjustments for this entrant, who is an inch too short for my arbitrary boundaries

The only person using the new Pokemon forums correctly

[reidsnose]

Black Eye

overview: reader and spencer go to reader's highschool reunion as a fake couple

genre: fluff i think

warnings: mild violence and swearing, a guy being kind of a total creep, and mentions of bullying

a/n: idk if its any good again just love the idea but it was inspired by a dream i had last night (thank you temporal lobe) so yeah let me know what yall think !! :) also im posting this at like ass oclock in the morning so whoops

masterlist

-

-

you and spencer had gotten yourselves in quite the situation.

your dreaded highschool reunion was just around the corner and you made the mistake of complaining about it to penelope. she was always trying to make everyones life easier (and more interesting) so when she heard you had no date she took it upon herself to find you one.

it didn't take a lot of looking, none at all actually; because Penelope had already been trying to figure out ways to get you and Reid together.

you two were undeniably perfect for each other. you were an amazing team at work, you hung out alone all the time (though both of you denied these hang out as being dates, Garcia had her own ideas on this), and you were both very obliviously head over heels for each other.

and somehow, through the magical ways of Penelope Garcia, you and Spencer were now sitting in the parking lot, fake married for your high school reunion.

"do we need to go over our back story again?" you worried, looking up at him.

"our backstory is basically all true anyway we just fall in love after a little bit. and i have an eidetic memory so i remember; you're my wife you should know this!" he joked, trying to relax you. "we got this! we're gonna be so married!"

Spencer had actually never been this nervous in his life but he was trying to be brave for you. it would be more embarrassing for you both to show up like nervous wrecks than if you had just come alone. he was just happy to get to be fake married to you.

"the marriedest!" smiled, fist bumping him.

"now lets go make some people jealous!" he chuckled getting out of the car and jogging over to your side, opening your door before you got the chance to; like a true gentleman.

you stuck out your hand which he happily took into his, neither of you commenting on the redness you both had sprinkled across your cheeks. as you walked in, you saw all the people you dreaded seeing.

the boys who tormented you were balding and the girls who made sure you felt awful everyday had wrinkles riddling there skin. you were surrounded by botched botox and bleached blonde to cover graying hair. you felt terrible to admit it, but you were a little happy to see that their beauty had faded like this; they made their looks their whole personality in high school, you couldn't help but wonder what was left for them to be. not that it mattered, but you and Spencer were undeniably the most attractive couple there.

you actually had an ok time, you had spotted a few of your friends that you hadn't seen in quite a few years and it was nice to catch up.

Spencer had wondered a bit, but not too far, he was talking to some guys who used to be in science club when you were younger. you smiled at the thought of what they might be talking about.

"y/n! hey youve really filled out!" you heard a gruff voice from behind you.

you turned around and were met with the very unappealing face of the ex quarterback. Spencers attention had been caught at the sound of your name.

"um..hello," you muttered, trying to covertly back away from him.

"i see youve got a ring, interesting i dont remember us getting married!" he said in an incredibly creepy tone.

"do you know im a federal agent now?" you said through a gritted smile.

spencer had already begun walking towards you, he could tell something was off.

"ill tell you what sweetheart," he put his hand on your shoulder, pulling you slightly closer to him, "you can put me in handcuffs any day."

you threw his hand off of you and drew back your fist, but were cut off before you could deliver the punch but his hand engulfing your own, and squeezing.

"THATS MY WIFE!" spencer yelled in a voice you had never heard from him before.in the blink of an eye he was standing between in front of him. "do not ever talk to her like that, let alone lay a finger on her or so help me God i will-"

"what beanpole? what are you gonna do? what if i did this?" the man asked.

and then he sent a swift punch to Spencer's face.

thats gonna leave a mark.

in a matter of seconds, Spencer had him overpowered, laying face first on the floor with his hands uncomfortably angled behind him, completely helpless.

"now i'm going to let you go and you're going to walk out of here unharmed. if you try anything like that again, ill let my wife handle you. and i promise if she gets a hold of you, you'll be a dead son of a bitch." Spencer muttered in the mans ear, gruffly pulling him up by his collar and shoving him towards the door.

"were leaving." you said, grabbing Spencer's hand, trying to ignore how incredibly attractive he looked right now.

"babe if you want to stay we can stay," he offered as if he didn't just have his shit kicked in by a coward with misogynistic tendencies.

"honey, i want to take you home," you smiled, liking the way it felt to call him a pet name. you walked into the parking lot, "what were you thinking?"

"i was thinking this guy is trying to hurt you and i was not going to ever let that happen." he answered confidently as you two reached the car. "plus this totally made the marriage thing more believable. i wouldn't get a black eye for just anyone."

"thank you. i'm sorry you got punched trying to protect me." you sighed, feeling incredibly awful about the whole thing.

he chuckled, "id do it again."

you fought hard against the blush creeping up your face.

"i gotta say, the black eye really suits you. you look pretty badass." you chuckled, trying to change the subject before it got too sappy and you said something you shouldn't.

"maybe it should just be my new look," he joked, looking down at a ping from his phone. "uh oh."

"we have a case?" you asked.

"yep. and hotch wants us in the office asap which means we cont stop by either of our houses." he sighed before starting the car.

the drive was mostly silent. but a comfortable silence. Spencer thought about how in the moment, he didn't care how many punches the guy threw at him, as long as it meant you were ok, he was willing to take it. he knew he loved you far before that moment but that truly solidified it.

at the same time you were thinking of how quickly your time as a 'married couple' was over. it felt so right to call Spencer yours. so unexplainably perfect for the two of you to be together. if only your time wasn't cut short by a sucker punch.

you neared the building's parking lot. you looked over at Spencer who you could very easily tell was lost in his own world.

"whats going on in that beautiful head of yours?" you asked, causing him to stifle a smile.

"just thinking." he answered.

"what about?"

"us." he stated, pulling into his parking spot.

oh. oh.

"do tell."

he hesitated, "if i tell you, and you disagree, do you promise it wont change anything about us?"

"i promise."

"did it feel right to you? us being together?" he asked, his eyes innocent and filled to the brim with a mixture of anxiety and adoration as he looked at you.

"yes. it absolutely did. and i was so mad at the assclown for cutting our time short," you admitted, "and punching you in the eye, obviously."

"i- i'm not sure how to ask this but- do you...would you..sorry i-" he stammered.

"yes."

you cut him off, pressing your lips to his. his hand gently cupped your face, deepening the kiss and you both felt like you were on cloud nine.

"thats exactly what i was trying to say," he cracked a dopey smile, causing you to chuckle.

"i've been trying to say it for so long." you confessed, causing him to smile impossibly wider, "we gotta go hotch is waiting."

"just one more kiss?" he asked, which you gave in to, obviously. and then another. and another.

maybe it was good thing that he got a black eye that day, because when you got to the office the whole team was so focused on it they didn't even notice the hint of your lipstick left on spencers lips.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos

[tsuki-sennin]

Funny how I keep missing a weekly mark with Pretty Cure specifically, huh?

I swear it's not intentional, but perhaps I oughta shift it to be (officially) biweekly. Y'know, get it all in shape for myself. Idk, I'll figure it out.

Anywho, Pretty Cure~! With Sora-chan and Mashiro-chan~! Maybe expand it to Ageha-san and Wing-kun sooner or later~! Who knows~!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Oh shit, brass.

-Man, that reminds me of when I'd watch Batman: Brave and the Bold when I was a kid.

-Made a bestie~!

-Off to school with ye

-"Whoa! School?"

-What, you think they don't have school up there? I'll have you know that Sora-chan was a graduate of the Skyloft Knights Acade- oh wait, wrong series.

-That borb is so shaped.

-Besties~!

-"Oh come on, back in the old country, everybody's got a free pass to education!"

-Damn, confession in episode 3? Hot damn.

-Sorashido Academy!

-...Cleaning time~!

-Never have you seen a house so clean.

-Not even lunch time.

-"...if Sora-chan were a bird... would she be a skylark?"

-Speaking of birds...

-No offense Yoyo-san, you're a proper GILF.

-Went like one and a half feet into the air.

-Homegirl wants compulsory education.

-Off she goes~!

-Awwwww

-...I have to wonder how like

-Legally this all works.

-I didn't bring this up at all during Delicious Party, since all the Cures were humans and attending the same school from the get go, but it's so strange to me that off-worlders like Hikari, Akagi, and Ellen can just enroll into a school without much issue. Setsuna was officially adopted by Love's parents, so I didn't think too much of her situation but like

-This is consistent across seasons too, which follow the Kamen Rider/Super Sentai logic of "different continuities unless they're not". Is this just like... a universal constant?

-Pafume~!

-Mashiro-less Behavior.

-AGEHA JUMPSCARE

-Hey homegirl, whaddup?

-Parufeito~!

-Hot damn girl.

-"You gay."

-"I AM MASHIROLESS, I AM THE MOST DOWN BAD GIRL IN THE UNIVERSE!"

-Jesus Christ, I was being facetious, what the heck

-You need more friends, girl.

-Make up~!

-Brought to you by Pretty Holic, available from Premium Bandai for one of your kidneys and a couple of teeth.

-Sparkling~!

-"Ah youth..."

-Whoa, grayscale.

-She flee!

-Oh shit, gangster battle.

-Skyland... Divine Fist!

-Disregard safety, acquire Mashiron.

-That thing is "I am down horrendous for you, Mashiro."

-"Oh hey, it's you Kabaton."

-Hot damn, Sora's taken that fourth wall very seriously.

-Desoit!

-I'm assuming Bebop-on's Lanborg summoning works solely through calorie burning at this point.

-Certainly makes wanton destruction efficient.

-He's like a big Metall!

-From the Mega Mans!

-Going up~!

-Kabatonight you're gone.

-Theeeeere ya go! That wasn't so hard, was it?

-Bless you, Ageha-san~!

-...on second thought, no, I fucking hate that Hummer you're driving.

-This car kicks ass, and you can watch Madagascar while you're driving~!

-And then Gloria does the Go Animate dance, smth smth Those Animals Are So Fucking Funny Merge Without Looking Kaboom

-Holy shit, you just

-Guessed that off the cuff, huh

-Sora-chan, ordinary middle school student~!

-Ah, speaking of which

-Wow, can't wait for Episode Seven~!

-Episode Seven~!

-Very cute.

-...that ribbon seems very small.

-There he is. The borb.

-"Thank you, Granny Goodness."

-Watch, she's gonna actually gonna be like the real thing and be an agent of the Underg.

-I'm kidding, obviously, but that'd be one hell of a thing to put into your show for young children.

-"Please don't eat Sora-chan alive, she's very sensitive."

-Skyland~! Y'know, it's just a few warps away from Gran Ocean. Just swing a left from Hope Kingdom, then just a slip south of Labyrinth.

-Mashiron~!

-Skalandinavia~!

-"Wow, your denial is so obvious, you must be from Copenhagen!"

-They're bullying this nerd so hard.

-"I'm the shyest bitch in the fuckin' universe, yo!"

-So... Sensei... are you single?

-Cannot tell a lie. Momoi Tarou would be proud.

-Aphorisms~!

-Her base instincts take over~!

-"Damn, this girl's quick!"

-...I have to ask, how does Sora's Skyland body work? Specifically, the bones.

-The people believe~!

-Into fucking ORBIT

-Meteorite Strike!

-Awwwwww

-Everybody loves Sora-chan, the shyest fucking supersonic athlete in town~!

-I'm assuming Mashiro's a second year at this school if she already has a favorite spot on the roof and deep lore on the school's founding.

-Be yourself, sky cadet!

-"I lied! I'm not shy at all! I've been keeping it all a secret! I am a goddamn superhero!"

-Hero Gal~!

-Oh my God

-Kabaton's the boss.

-Melonless bread.

-Like Seedless Melon.

-Fucker took the tree!

-Ready Go!

-Right, what do you do?

-Petal Blizzard!

-Gotta say, I really missed having dynamic battlefields, the Delicious Field got really boring after a while.

-...wonder if this is where all the setting designers went?

-Go big or go home, I guess!

-Timbeeeeer!

-All fixed up~!

-...guess nobody's really too traumatized by what happen. That's a good thing though.

-Hero Garu~!

-Hooray~! Friendship~!

-Good work today, Mashiron!

-She grows up so fast.

-OH THE LAD

-Cure Wing, here he comes~!

-I'm half picturing Murase-san waiting in the corner of the recording studio, just bobbing in place for the chance to say his transformation phrase.

-I don't think I'll miss Saturday this time.

[aipilosse]

I always meant to do a self-indulgent navel-gazing post after finishing What Brings Us Together, but never got around to it. Honestly, two days before I posted the epilogue, I got some bad news that completely turned my life upside down. It tinged the whole story with bad vibes and I still haven’t been able to go back and read it in its finished state. But things are looking up now! This is not a post of sadness and complaints, more just self-indulgent musing and complaints. 

When I first joined the fandom (or really returned and de-lurked, I was scrolling through live journals and reading fic back in the 00s), my impression was that the level of activity in the Silm fandom was very low. I had a tumblr but it was largely abandoned after the Great Porn Purge of 2017 (right? 2017?). I’d found a few newer fics on AO3 as I binge read a decade of fic, but I didn’t ever just look at the latest fics. I found most new fic through bookmarks and most of the bookmarks I saw were fics written in 2015-2016 so I just kind of assumed the fandom was mostly dead. 

But I had an idea for a story! And I did a quick search and didn’t see anything like it, so I started writing. And it was easy: the words came, the plot flowed, I figured out characters, and I posted it. Who says writing is hard? (Me; I say writing is hard. But also it’s not. idk it’s complicated man) I also started up my tumblr again and started following a few Silm blogs. My goal in writing at the time was just to write my own version of my favorite Silm post-canon fics (a genre that had exploded in my time away from fandom), heavily inspired by thearrogantemu, bunn (not @ing them because I do not want anyone to feel compelled to read and remark on this ramble, but I still do genuinely recommend their works if you somehow haven’t encountered them yet) and The Starless Road.

I got the inspiration for Fair They Wrought Us, my Feanorian week series, and What Brings Us Together as I was finishing Evil Ex-Boyfriend’s Club and began writing them as I participated in other event weeks and exchanges. I honestly can’t believe how much I wrote that first year and I think I credit it to a lack of self-consciousness and the drive to get that first mega-burst of inspiration out and into the world.

I don’t know when that really started shifting. Instead of seeing the most popular ideas and thinking ‘how can I put my spin on this,’ I began thinking ‘what am I not seeing and can I write it?’ It was partly because my perspective had changed: the fandom was far from dead, and the works that were inspiring me were different. Now it wasn’t just me yelling into the void, I was yelling with other people in DMs. 

So, by the end of What Brings Us Together I was 1) very stressed about life events (plus the job was always a shit show and was getting worse) and 2) writing from a very different impulse than when I first had the idea. 

Anyway, all that has led to what felt like a very aimless past year in fandom. I thought for sure once I finished WBUT (still *hate* the acronym) I would write other stories in that ‘verse, but all the ideas I had had earlier felt flat and I felt constrained by my earlier choices. I no longer wanted a world where *everyone* was back. Before, I was entranced by the idea that maybe everyone could live happily ever after all, forgiveness was there for everyone, the bittersweetness of the Legendarium could tilt more towards the sweet than the bitter. Now? Not so much. I don’t know – some things are gone forever. There’s more I could say about how the vibe of forgiveness and love has soured, but that’s neither here nor there. And I brought Feanor back in my ‘verse! There’s no way even a mellowed out Feanor isn’t causing chaos, but I’m not particularly interested in writing it. I have something started and a few more ideas, but if I ever write anything longer it might be an AU of my own ‘verse (though not an AU in the classic sense, just another possible 4th age and onward treatment, also WBUT is not an AU thank you very much.)

Anyway, despite the aimless feeling, I hope I put myself in a position to have a better upcoming year both in fandom and otherwise. I left fandom discords that were no longer sparking joy (though I’m on that blessed app more than ever). I spend less time on tumblr, I created a twitter and make great use of mute and blocklisting. I blocked all stats on AO3 and live in blissful ignorance of how my work is received (though sometimes I still click in and get the warm fuzzies from seeing people I know in the kudos list.) Well, kind of. The outcome of that is that comments or the lack thereof stand out more. Oh well! I wish I didn’t care at all but if I was truly just writing for myself, I wouldn’t post it on the internet lol. And I haven’t even touched on The Show! I can’t believe that was just a few months ago. No further comment. 

Next year who knows what will happen? Fandom-wise I’d love to read more, write more, participate in event weeks, maybe start my OWN event week (maybe?!?) but I don’t want to get ahead of myself when I’m still pretty unenthused about… well a lot of things in life and fandom. Anyway, if you made it this far, wow, thanks for reading. I hope you all have a great new year! May it bring at least one new thing to love and feed your imagination!

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[thistangledbrain]

I think I’m going to add Day 28 a day early, because I just finished it. This one took me 3 days to write...I had to keep putting it down. I think because meltdowns are our strongest reminders that we are NOT like other people, and that can be hard to accept sometimes, especially when we’re trying so hard to blend in or go along. Also, meltdowns are when we are in a raw, illogical space - which is highly unsavory, to put it mildly. We are vulnerable. Naked. Stuck. Entirely in fight or flight mode - or both. For as baffling and upsetting as you find it to be - trust me, we aren’t having a good time, either.

*takes a deep breath*

Ok, here goes.

Day 28

“Dealing with meltdowns”

Well, this one’s fun. (sarcasm)

I’m glad I got a few days ahead, because this one is hard to think about, so I keep putting it down and then coming back to it. I asked my youngest some questions, but he didn’t want to talk about it, either.

We hate meltdowns. It feels like the whole world is ending/everything is crashing down at once. I don’t CARE if what triggered it was “small” - all the repressed stuff we’ve been trying to squash comes crashing in like the fuckin Kool-Aid Man through a half open door.

But, I’ll start with how you can help.

First and foremost: DO NOT TOUCH!!! NO! BAD NEUROTYPICAL!! NO TOUCH!! (One exception: if we’re trying to blindly bolt from our environment. STOP US.)

I know this is completely counterintuitive to typical human nature, especially with young children. You want to scoop them up and cuddle them and make them feel safe. Sorry, but you just did the opposite of that - you freaked us out even more, and your need to touch and comfort is entirely yours, in that moment. Let us come to you if we want physical comfort - when we do need that, we can be like clingy little monkeys (and if an Autie child clings to you during a meltdown, you *honor* that shit & throw all the loving calm energy you can out there for them - do not say anything or try and talk them out of it - just let them cling to you and cry. Literally - JUST be there). I will say, AFTER the meltdown, we will possibly need some reassurance and kindness, if you can manage it. We will sometimes allow holding when we don’t feel good, with our absolute closest humans, but generally we really want you to just be there but not touch, until we’re ready. Lots of us don’t really want you to leave altogether, at least not for long - even if it seems like we do.

If you want to help, start with keeping your energy (your “vibe”) as calm, gentle, and peaceful as possible. Try not to get frantic or frustrated. If we’re at home or in a familiar space, do things that make our space feel better - drop the blinds/make it dark, place our weighted blanket over us/find our stuffy if we have one, light a candle or burn sage/waft a favorite calming scent, like lavender. If you say anything, use a soft, gentle voice - try not to talk too much...but if you sing, that can be very soothing. Sing very softly - I don’t know why, but soft singing and rocking (if you can stay on key...sorry but it’s grating when the tune is off!) can go a long way towards calming. Things like this can head a total meltdown off or stop it in its tracks, sometimes. Or get us out into an environment that makes us happy (like a nature trail)...but if we’re past a 4 (I’ll explain in a moment), we might not be willing to.

If we’re in a school setting, get us out from under those GOD DAMNED FLUORESCENT LIGHTS...YOU might not pick up on their eye-and-head hurting flicker, but we can. They suck even when we’re in a GOOD mood. See if you can get us into a darker room, or at least one without those &$@!;!! lights. Small things like bright lights, or sounds that usually only cause mild annoyance can become HUGE - for example, my dogs. In my best moments, the sound of them licking themselves will set my teeth on edge - if I’m trying to come out of a meltdown, those sounds - or almost any sounds, really, except white noise stuff - are infuriating. I hate to say that, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s just true. All your sensory shit is dialed to 11 and someone broke the knob off - there is NO “just deal with” whatever, at that point. We aren’t dealing with SHIT right then, so removal to a quiet spot is pretty damn important.

Try to distract or divert us before we’re over a 4 on a 1-10 scale, though, and absolutely before we start looping (the suggestions so far are for when the meltdown is in/almost in full swing - and I’m only speaking for older auties and into adulthood, here, though most of this stuff helps littles, too).

Let me explain “escalation scale” and “looping” - with the help of my husband, who recognizes patterns of escalation as well (in us, and in dogs ☺️). “Looping” is his word. It means no matter what you say, we keep looping back to what’s got us upset/how much we hate ourselves right then/all the bad feelings/past hurts that are piling on to the current problem. You’ll pull us out of it for a second, but then we loop right back to it. Ideally, you want to intervene before we get to the looping, which is about a 7+ on the escalation scale. Once we’re at a 7 and above....we’re consumed by it, and it gets much harder to diffuse. Think of the 1-10 scale like this: 1 is calm, 10 is completely nuclear - above a 7, almost nothing will distract us, almost nothing will divert us except bodily removal from the situation/environment & then leaving us the fuck alone (maybe figuratively but not literally - it depends on your Autie) for a while until we exhaust ourselves one way or another. If you can intervene and remove/distract right around a level 4 - which is right when you start to notice someone is getting quite agitated, you’ve got a good chance of heading the meltdown off at the pass. But if we’re already looping - repeating phrases over and over, looping back to our most upsetting feelings no matter what you say or do, sometimes while rocking or banging, you’re way too late. Now we have to ride it out together...as safely as we can manage. Now you need to make things dark, private, and as calming as you can, if possible. Or just get us the fuck out of the situation that set us off. That helps, too...obviously. I’ll tee up a possible scenario: you’re at an amusement park with your Autie. WHOA stimulation, right? You’re all having a fab time, but suddenly your Autie starts to cry or get angry or otherwise exhibit “I am SUPER OVERWHELMED” energy. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s just a lot to process, even when all the things are pretty fun. So, find a quiet place in a park like area to chill. Grab food from a stand - or go back out to your car and sit and eat a packed lunch or have some snacks. Don’t make a big fucking deal about it, either. Just “oh okay, I think now’s a good time for a quiet break”. Keep in mind all autistics are living in a sensory rich environment, and it can get mega overwhelming sometimes. It’s not always bad shit that sets us off.

I’ve mentioned in prior posts how it can feel like someone else is driving the car (controlling the emotions), while we sit in the back seat and scream and hit and try to get them to stop the fucking car and let us out...it’s in these moments that I TOTALLY understand how doctors got autism and schizophrenia mixed up, in years past. At least, that ripping in half is what my youngest son and I feel. YOU’RE frustrated with us right then? BRUH. WE are so fucking pissed and frustrated and upset that we can’t stop the car, too. You’re not helping if we know you are frustrated, either - that’s why I mention keeping your “vibe” as level and gentle and “no biggie” as possible.

I have some tips for head bangers and stuff, that I won’t include in this post but I’m happy to tell you what I’ve done/what can work.

Basically? “Dealing with” meltdowns is just....TRY SHIT. If you’re an Autie trying to manage your own, play around with what helps you calm down. It could be a brisk walk away from anything human, time under your weighted blanket, time in a dark warm shower or tub (idk about you, but in this house - water soothes nearly anything, most of the time), holding your pet, screaming all the cuss words you know into the void lol ....and the same methods might not work all the time (I was “feeling unsubstantiated feelings” the other day, and got into the shower before they overwhelmed me - a usual go to - but this time, the water felt disgusting, being wet just made it all worse. It surprised even me, but you gotta roll with it & try something else). But try as hard as you can to do something that will soothe you. Or find a safe place to let it all out, without hurting yourself. Pro tip, though: do not add alcohol. It not only takes away all the barriers you’ve probably put up to keep from going completely off the deep end, but it also magnifies all the bad feelings. I am, however, a big fan now of smoking a little green. I started trying that about 3 years ago and oh my god where has this been my whole adult life. I can’t take antidepressants or even most anxiety meds...but I can smoke. I use carefully chosen calming and pain relieving indica strains - sativa can sometimes make me feel more anxious. (YMMV)

If you’re the Emotional Support Human™️ of a melting down Autie, the same applies. Just try stuff. Trust me you will know if said Autie finds your efforts upsetting. It’s ok to want to talk to us about it afterwards, in a constructive way. Once we’ve calmed down, we know you’re trying to help. We’re raw and exhausted immediately after a meltdown though (meltdowns usually lead to shutdowns), so give us a little time, maybe. Or maybe not - maybe your Autie will be in a more communicative frame of mind, since it’s fresh. You won’t know unless you ask, maybe like “could we talk about this, or would you like some time to be quiet?” (Again - gentle tone and energy is important.)

Meltdowns are hard for me to write about because these days, they’re super rare, but when they happen, they’re ...well, brutal. Like really, really bad. I had one a few years ago that I think terrified my husband. We were in the car. I was getting so upset (screaming, beating my fists and probably thrashing a little) that he had to stop the car. Luckily we were in the boonies, but...not long after he stopped the car, I attempted to bolt. I felt trapped in between his efforts to soothe and the small confines of the car, and just wanted to bolt. Run. Far away. There was ZERO thought of personal safety at that point. His efforts to contain me were met with violence. I will be ashamed of that for the rest of my life - I don’t even have words for what an amazing human my husband is, and the LAST thing my non-melting-down brain wants, is to hurt him. But all I could think about was doing whatever needed to be done to escape this hell I was in. God. Just writing about it hurts, and I feel fresh shame. I’m telling you all this, so that you understand that *in that moment*, we are a cornered and overwhelmed animal, who wants to just bite bite bite or run away (fight/flight). The things we usually cling to - logic and reason - don’t exist right then. Nothing is logical - which actually adds to our upset.

There may be a time when your Autie feels like this too - and that’s one time where you DO need to intervene even if we don’t like it/hate it/get furious with you for it. If we are trying to hurt ourselves or run, do what you need to to not allow that. I truly believe this is how many young Autie kids get lost - we were upset and we just bolted blindly. We don’t react well to you stopping us....but it’s necessary.

There’s a moment in the Disney movie “Soul”, where 22 becomes a lost soul. Her little bright blue body is engulfed by swirling blackness, and inside that blackness is every bad or negative thing that’s ever been said to her. She starts looping - “I’m not good enough”, “I have no purpose”, over and over and over. This is what a meltdown feels like. In the movie, her mentor quietly hands her a small token reminder that starts to make the blackness melt away - it’s not the token that “society” thinks she should have, it’s a personal one. Shouting at her, blah blahblah talking, trying to reason with her makes her hiss and run away - but *quietly* handing her a tactile object that means something to her, brings her back to the present, and is what breaks the looping.

Here’s the clip of when he breaks through her meltdown. I hope it explains things in a way I’m struggling to. I’ll end with that...if the subtitles distract you, I apologize, I can’t find a “clean clip”.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nmapZFDUkBk&t=41s

[deadlyflan]

tagged by @kc-anathema (But over on my main blog, sorry. I wanted to drop this over on my technically-not-linked, foolishly-fandom side blog because I haven’t figured out how to talk about some stuff in front of people who know me in real life. haha. oops.) 

Instructions: tag 10 followers that you want to get to know better

Name: Kyabetsu on Ao3, but you can call me Kya!

Gender: female

⭐ Sign: Aries

Height: 5ft 3 inches

Sexuality: Asexual? Severely Demi? but mostly confused? IDK, folks. I live with my cats and my plants and my fan fiction and my books and my craft projects and that’s really all I got.

Hogwarts 🏠: Hufflepuff. My therapist told me. I mean, I read the books. I had my theories, but when your therapist confirms it independently, it’s kinda like the sorting hat proclaimed it. So. Yellow and Black: Won’t Go Back.

Favorite Animal: I love every kind of cat. 

Average hours of 💤: 7 to 8 hrs, if i can manage. I deteriorate pretty quickly without it for health bullshit reasons. I used to be a lot more hardcore, but stuff happened.

Current time: 8:05 PM (EST)

🐶 or 🐈 person: I’m sadly allergic to dogs, of whom, I’ve met many good boys and many good girls. BUT CATS... oh, cats. They are my little fangy sunshines. And I can hug them without needing a box of kleenex and a shower.

Blankets you 💤 with: ALL OF THEM. Currently, the sheet, the duvet, the down comforter, the top cover, and then three of those Mexican Blankets your grandparents have down in the bottom of their closet from the 1970s with the tigers and the deer and they’re SO SOFT. Plus my over-sized heating pad down on my feet and two cats. I’m a bundle-bear.

Dream Trip: I want a motor home decked out for max comfort and an unlimited pool of vacation time. I would want to just drive a big loop cross country and see every national park. Get some good boots. Get a good camera. Grab a bag of blank journals. Grab a friend or two. Vroom Vroom. 

Dream job: I don’t want a job. Can I just be independently wealthy? Not like... “Mega-yachts and Richie Rich” wealthy. Just, “Roof over my head, Pay my bills, Can get my teeth cleaned, Able to repair my car, and Still treat myself to a box of off-brand Nilla Wafers when I go grocery shopping” wealthy.

But if i just got to do STUFF and get paid regardless of whether or not you can really make a living from it in real life with my current skill levels? I’d write kids books and not-so-kids books. I’d garden and take photos of whatever tickled my fancy.

When I made my blog: About a decade ago, I made my main blog because I was going to be the kind of strong, proud human who could freely mix her real life with her internet life in a bold and self-confident way!  I made this side blog a few months after that because I am shy about things after all and wanted to reblog and interact with stuff that I felt self-conscious putting on my main blog. Then I wandered off of tumblr for at least 5 years? (IDK. Time is a difficult concept.) But I have come back.

Followers: 42 souls

Why I made a returned to tumblr: Very recently I returned to ‘active’ participation in the TMNT fandom and have tried to use this side blog as a compartmentalized space where I can be obsessively fannish without upsetting folks who followed me for original projects and stuff back on the main blog.

Side blog @deadlyflan ! In hindsight, I wish I’d known from the get-go that I was going to turn this into a fannish blog. I would have used my Kyabetsu handle from FF.net, a ton of old forums, and AO3 and made things easier for myself. ALSO I WISH that I knew that tumblr wasn’t going to ever let me instigate messages with people or reply to posts WITH MY SIDE BLOG HANDLE before I followed 5,000 glorious turtle-people and reblogged their entire brilliant blogs on this account. So yeah, if you wanna talk, turtle-people, you gotta talk to me first, because tumblr won’t let me message you until I’m replying to something you sent. (I can reblog you and comment though! And be in chats! And um... post things.)

Reason for my URL: I was trying to separate my main blog from my goofing around blog and Deadly Flan seemed about as far as it could get. 

tagging: um, some incredible people with awesome art and writing, even though we’ve never talked. You’re all total delights. Please don’t feel obligated to reply or anything, I just wanted you to know I’m rooting for you. :)

@turtlenovas, @sinits-hg-12, @chrompoised, @sassatello, @taytei, @safeblanket, @ingunnsara, @fmdinisio, @betti357, AND @winnyverse -- Winny, you’re a freaking delight and a talented person too, but we’ve talked! Small world, it’s good to see you again. :)

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Hurt Locker, Part 1

Masterpost

6x04: The Hurt Locker, Part 1

It’s weird that this is, really, the only two parter of the entire show.   I mean some episodes had drastic cliffhangers, and others aired together, but this is one of two -- which makes me wonder if this was originally all going to be one episode.  It’s hard to tell.  

We’re also getting into that cracky, cracky fourth wall breaking part of the show.  I know some of you don’t like it - that it feels like they’re putting too much of a spotlight on fandom and the audience.  I guess it doesn’t really bug me? I think they’ve always done this, even so far back as mid-season 1, it’s just a bit more concentrated now -- and I think there’s a part of them that just didn’t give a shit either.  Not many people were watching at this point anyway.  Idk...  

The Hurt Locker

So - we start this episode off with the bizarre crackiness that is Sue’s hurt locker -- where she her psychopathic tendencies and her meta commentary come to collide.  And when she’s not making voodoo dolls out of Will and Rachel (and plotting that bizarre and icky hypnotism stuff on Sam) she’s daydreaming about Klaine’s fabulous gay wedding because it’s her dream to be flower girl.  

Now - at his point, I’m not sure I can even meta this.  I mean, yeah, I can go into the whole thing where Sue’s always had a soft spot for Kurt - and she has.  And a lot of this is wanting Kurt to have a happy wedding (because apart she finds them both shrill and annoying).  But, you know what, let’s just go with it.  Sue’s mega shrine to Klaine is really a stand in for us shippers.  

Honestly, I think it’s kind of funny.  This particular episode - are the writers poking at our eccentricity? Maybe, sure.  But - it’s also celebratory in its own twisted way.  And idk, in a way - Sue’s pushing them back together because ‘we’ want them back together.  But also - because the narrative (the writers) want them back together, too.  

Would they have gotten back together if Sue hadn’t gotten intervened?  Idk - that’s not the story the writers are telling.  So, if you want to explore that, go write the fanfic about it! But the writers are telling the Klaine gets back together story -- and this is the insane way the chose to do it.  

Alright, so beyond the fact that this is utterly terrifying - I find it fascinated that she places Blaine as the bride.  Make of it as you will - but I do think it’s an interesting departure from the idea that Kurt is the ‘girl’ of the relationship.  [side note - they are two guys - there is not a girl in their relationship.]

Blouses

Alright - so Sue hauls Kurt into her office and you know what? He’s totally not having it.  He’s been done with her shit for years, and I’d like to point out that his unwilling attitude is their from the beginning of the scene.  The minute he sits down, he’s over it - and that’s before Sue goes on to declare that his life ambition is to get back together with Kurt.  

I also - kinda think the whole idea of blouses, light and airy femme-ish gays, is kinda funny.  

So, here’s my thing about this scene.  Kurt firmly tells Sue that he doesn’t want to get back together with Blaine.  And in this scene, it may be firm, but it’s not harsh.  

At the end of the series, Kurt’s going to tell Sue that he’s grateful she pushed he and Blaine back together -- because apart, and even after trying to heed to Britany’s advice and move on - Kurt’s not happy.  In fact, as he says in the series finale, he’s miserable.  So yeah - him telling Sue that he doesn’t want to get back together with Blaine is sorta like when he was declaring them friends and wanting ‘desperately’ to be over Blaine back in season 4.  He’s trying - because he doesn’t think it’ll happen.  

But beyond that - it’s good to remember that this is Sue we’re talking about.  She once tried to shoot Brittany from a canon.  She’s been an adversary since the beginning. Do you really think he’s going to trust her? Or really take any part of her shenanigans?  No - he really doesn’t want to do any of that, nor open up emotionally at all.  

The last episode was extreme on Kurt showing emotion - and in this one, he’s closed right up - because, god damn it, it freakin’ hurts when he goes there.  So why not listen to Brittany? Why not just compartmentalize and move on - because he thinks Blaine has.  

Anyway - back to Sue - case in point, at the end of the scene, she declares that she’s set up an invitational to destroy the glee club once and for all.  And she tells him that straight up (instead of voice over!!). So yeah - Kurt is not going to be open about his most vulnerable emotions to someone who is actively trying to destroy him in other ways.  I mean - that’d just be stupid.  

Bears

So... there’s an invitational.  Did you know there was an invitational during season 1? Yup - it was the episode with April Rhodes if you can believe it.  

Anyway, Rachel’s already talked to Will about going easy.  And now - Kurt and Rachel confront Blaine.  And Blaine is having none of it.  And I love it.  Because for the first time since... season 2? Blaine’s standing up for himself - being his own individual person, and not caving in to whatever Kurt wants.  That’s actually a good thing - because one of the issues they were having was that Blaine wasn’t his own person - he was kind of lost in Klaine and I’m thrilled to see him doing alright on his own.  

Meanwhile - if you watch closely, there is a slight look of amusement among the eye-rollyness we see from him here.  Kurt never wanted Blaine to be his lapdog either.  They’re on an equal playing field now - which is actually pretty good! 

So - in the middle of all the stand-off over invitationals, Blaine gets a text that there’s an intruder in his and Karofsky’s apartment.  I kind of love that they don’t call the police or anything but all go running over there to check it out.  This show and logic, man...  

Anyway - I think it’s kind of cool that Kurt (and Rachel) both go over to help Blaine! If the first few episodes of the season were about Kurt coming to terms with his feelings and the status quo, the next few (as told by Sue in the next episode) are about Kurt and Blaine becoming friends again.  And no matter how much is going on with the competition between glee clubs.  Kurt and Blaine are still in each other’s circles, and are still there to help each other out.  

So, um, yeah, there’s a literal bear in the apartment (and I think that the Karofsky freaking out about it part of it is to a) be funny, and b) show that Karofsky isn’t the scary dude we all knew from season two).  It is bizarre that a literal bear would be in the (brightly rainbow colored) apartment.  But, you know, that’s Sue for you - and Kurt catches on pretty quickly.  

I also kind of wonder if this is the first time Kurt’s been over there.  Huh. 

Delicious Porcelain Rump Roast

So, Kurt’s second trip back to Sue’s office is less lighthearted and annoyed - and more just plain angry.  And, I used to think this was slightly over played by Chris, but now that I’m watching this within context, I think maybe it’s not... 

Sue, literally, put a live bear in someone’s apt - and even if it was a cub, it’s still incredibly dangerous - and could have hurt someone badly.  Not to mention the cost of getting it out was probably not cheap.  Sue’s meddling dangerously in his life now - so of course he’s going to be adamant that he doesn’t want her help -- because it’s supposedly the only way it’s going to get her to stop.  

He also takes the moment to tell Sue that he’s met someone online.  And I have to figure that after the Brittany conversation, he went onto the dating sites he was using before he figured out his feelings, and tried again.  And this time met a dude who seems to really like Golden Girls, too, and I’m sure they’ve been up talking a lot.  Which I’m sure is a nice thing -- because having fun talking about old TV shows vs drowning in the misery of watching the person you’re deeply in love with live with your old tormentor - I can see why Kurt’s in the mindset he’s in.  

Anyway, he tells Sue to stop - but then Sue goes on another meta rant about how he can’t date because the dude will eat him alive because, let’s face it, after six years, Kurt Hummel has become a delicious little porcelain rump roast.  Thank you, Glee, for that nice long pan up and down Kurt’s full body.  Lol.  

As funny as Sue’s whole thing is, Kurt backs away slowly because she is freakin’ crazy, and she does need to butt out cause it really isn’t any of her business.  

Prep Work

So - this little scene is about Rachel and Kurt being teachers - and dumping a lot of exposition about the invitationals.  There’s not a whole lot of meta-ish things to say (other than Kurt’s literally twitchy at Rachel’s new piano skills), but it’s a fun and comedic little scene - where they try to give a nice pep talk to the newbies, but you know, there are only four of them and there are lot of things that could go wrong.  

Btw - is it just me or is Lea Michelle extra orange in this episode? 

I suppose this is the point where I should probably mention that season 6′s actual driving plot line is the same as season 1 - to get these kids to sectionals.  And a lot of effort is placed into that, and you know, we have a tendency just to forget that because we’re so focused on the Klaine aspect of everything.  But I’m saying this now because I think when looking at it in full context, the last three-ish episodes before the end make a lot more sense when we see that the story isn’t about the personal lives of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson (or even, really, much of Rachel Berry) but getting the glee club back on track.  And, eh.  Fine.  I would have preferred a different direction - but they’re trying hard to recapture that season 1 stuff.  And while I enjoy season six more than maybe most people - I still think they could have gone in maybe a more interesting and less rehashed direction for their last season. 

But, eh, they’re doing a full circle thing - so I get it.  

Ex-Lovebirds

So, Blaine comes in looking for Rachel for piano lessons - but she’s off sharing a pretzel with Sam because -- you know what, let’s not talk about that plot line.  Anyway, Kurt’s in the auditorium, too - and they both kinda eye-roll Figgins (who’s been reduced to janitor, btw).  Which reminds me - the scene before this is the scene where Figgins’s sister shows up as the Carmel High principal, and it is utterly one of my favorite things they’ve ever done.  

As soon as Figgins leave - we get Blaine in an upset pout.  And you know what, Kurt’s gonna go ahead and see what’s up.  Cause you know what? Kurt does care - and because they care.  And because they’re getting that friendship back.  It’s interesting to me - that even though there’s a high level of angst in this scene (and god is there) our beloved obligatory Klaine scene is the only scene in which Kurt is mostly relaxed? I mean - he’s not having to yell at Sue, or be professor to a bunch of kids, or have a super awkward date.  He’s just Kurt here - and Blaine’s just Blaine.  And I think it’s the first time in a while that they’re kind of openly just being themselves! 

The awkwardness is stems from the fact that this conversation? It’s about being romantically involved with other people.  Which - is a super weird conversation to be having with your ex.  But interestingly, pushing that awkwardness aside, they both seem to be there for each other.  Kurt’s going to reassure Blaine that Sue’s just messing with he and Karofsky - and they aren’t actually related, while Blaine’s going to wish Kurt best of luck on his upcoming date.  

Even if they didn’t get back together - I get the impression that they still benefit from being in each other’s lives.  As much as this scene is awkward - neither of them are being open to anyone else on the show right now.  It’s baby steps for them - but they were (are) also best friends - and not to diminish the friendships they have with Sam and Rachel respectively, there’s a bond that they share that’s...different than what they share with Sam and Rachel. 

There’s an interesting additional layer of complexity on this scene, though.  First of all, Kurt telling Blaine about his date -- it’s the first signifies to Blaine that he can be upset with Kurt all he wants, but he’s got to sort out his feelings.  Because if he doesn’t, maybe he and Kurt are really over.  

See - before Kurt says his little admission, they discuss Sue trying to get them back together.  And Blaine’s very adamant that as nice it was that they’re each other’s first everythings -- they’ve moved on and don’t want to get back together.  Blaine’s totally on the same page on that sentiment.  Maybe even more so than Kurt, because Kurt’s definitely more hesitant when they discuss it.  But then, bam! Kurt has a date and -- oh shit reality time for Blaine.  

Kurt says they’re being adult about it -- and they really are.  But saying you’re over your ex and actually being over your ex are two different things.  And I think this is the wake-up call Blaine needed. 

Meanwhile, Kurt is open and honest with Blaine -- and ACTUALLY TALKING TO HIM! Can we not down play that aspect? Communication has always been their hard spot, but here, despite the level of difficulty, they’re having and open and more mature conversation.  And yeah - angst flying everywhere -- but you know what? They’re growing up, too, and will be soon ready to be in that adult relationship. 

Well - maturity aside, it’s still not an easy conversation to have, and Blaine kinda gets outta there before they can get into it any more.  

There’s another awkward hug - not as weird as the Scandals one, but it’s always strange having to distance yourself from someone you’ve been very intimate with - and while they’re beginning to get comfortable with each other again, the physical intimacy boundaries are still very awkward.  

But then we have this last little moment of Kurt by himself.  Despite actually being interested in going on this date - he’s not Blaine, and that hurt and sadness and longing are still there.  He can yell at Sue all he wants, and he can tell Blaine they’re fine all he wants, but when he’s alone, he allows his misery to show through.  

Walter

Oh man - where do I even begin with this, lol

So, first of all, Walter totally was not what Kurt was expecting - and Kurt’s first reaction was to get the hell outta there.  It is creepy - this dude in his 50s purposely did not disclose the fact that he’s twice this kids’ age - and had kids, to get a date.  I’m sorry, like, creepy vibes all over.  I don’t necessarily think Walter turns out to be that way - but Kurt has every right to just jet -- which he kind of tries to do at first, honestly. 

Kurt’s face when Walter says he’s on instagram! 

So - here’s the thing to remember about this.  Despite the fact that this whole Walter thing is going to go on for a few episodes -- Glee is going out of their way to show that this is totally not a thing to last.  First of all, Walter is much older and just not on the same wave length as Kurt -- I mean, all the old people jokes from the earlier episodes in the season were totally setting this up -- but Kurt doesn’t necessarily want to date anyone his dad’s age.  

Secondly, this dude’s got a ton of baggage - he’s divorced, has kids, and is just coming to terms with the fact that he’s gay -- and which can be super awkward on a whole lot of levels.  There are a ton of red flags here, which is why, again, Kurt’s first instinct is to get the hell outta there. But it’s also a way for the writers to show that -- this isn’t a love connection or a good match.  Enjoying the Golden Girls is not a basis for a full functioning romantic relationship when there are a ton of other red flags going on.  

But to clarify a little bit - it’s obvious that Kurt and Walter are at two very different points of their lives, and that alone shows that this isn’t something that’s meant to last.  It’s here to be the last roadblock before Kurt and Blaine reconcile.  

I will say that I do find it kinda funny that Kurt got completely distracted by someone agreeing with him about Golden Girls being the best sitcom ever.  

However! Here’s the thing - Kurt’s got a ton of baggage, too, and like Adam - I’m a little sad we didn’t see these midgames explored just a tag more - because it would have been fun to see just how much Kurt goes on about Blaine unintentionally and be just as awkward and weird as Walter is when he’s talking about his ex-wife and kids.  

Why does Kurt end up sticking around? Because fundamentally - Kurt is a good person.  And he knows what it’s like to be gay, and just need someone there to know that you’re not alone.  He doesn’t owe Walter anything, but Kurt does have compassion, even if it’s for this late bloomer gay.  

Meanwhile, I know what you’re thinking -- do you think they hook up?  After this scene, no.  Walter states he’d like to start as friends, and that’s the only reason Kurt sticks around.  

Later? Well - I could make a case for either way.  The narrative is going to go out of its way to show how they’re rather platonic (really - while Blaine and Karofsky get jokes about their sex life, Kurt gets jokes about how he doesn’t have sex).   I also think that being someone’s first experience could be pressure that Kurt may not want to take on.   

At the same time, I think Kurt enjoys sex - and kind of the way Blaine’s not letting his relationship with Karofsky be intense, I think Kurt could be fine with some casual sex.  I think he has gotten to that point in his life where sex and love/romance don’t need to be so tangled with one another.  He’s still in love with Blaine, his heart won’t change.  But enjoying the physical side of things - I think he’s grown up enough to feel okay with doing that.  

And like Adam - it’s your choice.  I’m kind of indifferent on it, and like I said, could easily make a case for either one. 

That all said - do I think Walter was a necessity? No - I think there are other ways you can show someone moving on from a relationship that don’t involve dating another person.  But this is a) Glee - where they don’t know how else to tell these kinds of stories and b) mainstream society in which it’s routine to tell stories like this.  So I get it.  

Invitationals (Part 1)

Meanwhile, back in the overarching plot of the season - invitationals happen.  And Will decides to not do as Rachel asks and actually preps his group and not throw it.  To be fair, she should have never asked.  Still - he’s kind of a dick about it.  

And we’re forced to sit through two unnecessary vocal adrenaline songs because the episode was running a little light on music.  

I’m with ya Kurt.  Because while VA is flashy, there is almost no vocal showmanship when your lyrics consist solely of ‘rock lobster’ and ‘whip it’.  How can these even be songs for a glee club? Ug, this show.  

The only meaningful thing is that Kurt shares a ‘wtf’ look with Blaine.  They may have opposite groups, but they both can agree that Will and VA and this whole ending five minutes is just stupid.  

Get back to the more interesting plot, show, no one cares... 

[purplesurveys]

1650

do you ever do these surveys with your SO? we do all the time I never did when I had one; I like that this is one of the few things in the world I can keep for myself.

have you ever totally lied or made up ridiculous answers for surveys? There’s absolutely no reason for me to lie on these lol.

do animal furs upset you? Yes.

who picks the music when you’re riding in the car? I drive alone most of the time; otherwise when it’s my family headed out it’s either me or my sister who connects to the Bluetooth 50%-50% of the time.

do you have a waste basket in your car? Nah, I just shove trash in whatever bag I’m bringing at the time and then toss it out once I can find a trash can. 

what’s the Spanish name for your favourite food? Is there a Spanish word for sushi...? If there is, I have no idea what it is.

do you know anyone who regularly uses a bike for transportation? In this extremely bike-friendly country? Hahahaha. Everyone I know either drives, has a driver, or takes a Grab.

do you consider audio books not really reading? It still is. Just not my preferred way of doing so, though. My attention span is like...3 seconds long.

strangest thing you’ve ever put in the trunk of a car? A MEGA FUCKton’s worth of dog food. I handled a dog food brand for work and stupidly agreed to pack 50 influencers’ worth of PR packages, so all the damn food bags got sent to me. It was like 10 boxes of 2kg and 5kg bags, and then there was also a fucking army of 10kg and 15kg bags sent over. Didn’t even all fit in my room, so some of them I had to briefly store in the trunk. Worst experience ever, didn’t get to sleep in my bed for like two nights, my mom was understandably fuming, and I’m never doing something like that again.

do you carry matches or a lighter? Neither, I’m scared of fire lol.

do you keep socks with a hole in them if they are your favorites? I don’t have a favorite pair, but I’m also not the type to throw out a sock just because it has a hole. People don’t even see socks most of the time, so I don’t see the point in immediately getting rid of it.

last time you wore clothes that were too small on you. Can’t recall. I’m usually too tiny for clothes, lol.

have you ever frightened someone on purpose. not as a tease but to seriously? Good question. I don’t think I have; I hate the idea of terrorizing someone on purpose like that. Does it count if I’ve been forced to say something to someone that I know will scare them, even if I didn’t want to scare them? It happened a couple of weeks ago when I had to tell my mom that Cooper bit my face and that it was bleeding everywhere.

have you ever had something taken away from you by airport security? I know my mom and I got stopped for a bit at Shanghai because she apparently had something in her bag that shouldn’t be there, but the language barrier was rough and we couldn’t figure out what it was they wanted us to take out. Anyway, eventually we found The Thing but I can’t for the life of me remember it anymore hahaha.

what’s the last wild animal you have seen? Idk...do birds count?

something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? That my dad’s family’s financial situation got super dire at one point that he was once sent home from school by the nuns in charge so they can explain to his parents that he could technically be kicked out, but because he was doing so well in school they were going to let him stay. Also, my mom’s family got robbed once and they managed to get their grand piano.

do you store any non food items in the fridge? Just face masks – the skincare type, hahaha. Funny how you have to clarify that now.

have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? Not really hot but I have told a few friends that their mom is really pretty.

what was the last thing you bought from a gumball machine? how long ago was that? Well...a gumball hahaha. Not sure, must have been over a year ago.

have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? I would never do that. Anger fades out; the things you say or do in the moment won’t.

plain band aids or fun ones? I never got the cartoon Band-Aids as a child so that’s what I stock up on these days to heal my inner child lmao. Just this weekend I got teddy-bear themed ones.

which pain killer do you use? Paracetamol.

have you ever used someone else’s Rx med? No.

have you ever borrowed underwear from a friend? Nah.

would you like to be part of a wedding party? Sure, I haven’t been to one since 2007 so I’m just waiting for one of my friends to get hitched lol so I can experience what weddings are like now.

last pair of shoes you threw out and why? My high-top Chucks; wasn’t wearing them anymore. have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? I have no reason to do so.

have you ever really stayed up all night to do homework? I never cared all that much for school, so no. For work, latest I’ve stayed up was around 2 AM. I’d never pull an all-nighter for something that’s separate from my personal life.

have you ever had anything stolen from you? Yep.

if you could make up one rule for all your friends, what would it be? Idk, seems weird and dickish to make them follow something.

do you pay attention to people’s posture? Well, only if it’s noticeable enough I guess. do you have a creepy uncle, or have a friend who has one? Not when sober at least.

alarm clock, or do you use your phone? Phone. Never had an alarm clock. have you ever backed into a cactus? ouch! Nopes.

do any of your relatives not have home internet? It’s very unlikely.

when you get the munchies, do you want sweet or salty? Salty most of the time. something you taught yourself how to do? Read Korean. And basic embroidery.

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveyss 015.

WHO ... was the last person you saw face to face? gram

... was the last person you texted or messaged online? Ummm, Harrison? We were talking about health.

... was the last person who asked you for a favour? Kile asked me to respond to him. I came so close to doing it, but we are almost at a week without talking.

... was the last person you lent something to? Uhhh, probably my sister.

... was the last person who told you a secret/confided in you? Em

... is the tallest person you know? Nick. I think hes 6′5?

... the shortest person you know? Goodness... I don’t know.

... your oldest (in years) friend? My mom?

... is the oldest (in length of time) friend? Alix. Since i was 5.

... is your youngest friend? I’m the youngest of my group... so ...

... is your newest friend? Probably my school friends

... is your closest relative? my sister? nephews? niece?

... was your favourite teacher? Mom looool. Or in college I really liked Dr. T

... was your least favourite teacher? ugh. shelly?

... did you spend the most time with when growing up? scott

... knows you the best? kile

... always beats you in games or sports? probably nathan lol

... who is the most creative of the people you know? Thats a great question. maybe my sister.

... is the funniest person you know? EM. definitely a goofball.

... is the most organised that you know? Em. 

... that you know has travelled the most? Nathan travels a lot, roger has gone to so many countries.

... has always been there for you? Hmm. 

... has given you the most personal gift? Mike

... has an annoying laugh? Marcia

... never forgets a birthday? sawyer

...,do you have the most in common with? I really don’t know. I don’t share a ton of the same interests with anyone.

...is the sportiest person you know? devin?

...was your last missed call? I think my sister

...did you last open your door for? mom

... has your heart? sigh. I don’t think it’s wanted right now.

... has your respect? people who are honest 

...do you share a special song with? i got my first kiss to the song “my best friend” by tim mcgraw

...do you miss right now? kile andrew. I miss who i thought he was. I miss talking to him all hours of the day. He felt like an extension of myself... almost like we shared this secret life where we could just .. exist together. without him, I just feel like I lost part of myself.

...last made you angry? the hose.

...did you last buy a gift for? I got my mom and my brother and kile something on my vaca.

...did you celebrate your last birthday with? So kile spoiled me like crazy. I spent the day with mom and then at night, em, nathan, devin, and I got tanked lol.

...have you gone to a concert with? sister, janelle, uhhhh nicole

...can make you laugh? It is easy to make me laugh

...has taught you how to do something? Uhhhhhh, thats a very good question. Probably kile teaching me how to do a stats problem? 

...has lost something of yours? Uhh, not sure.

...has broke your heart? kile

...has stood you up? I haven’t been stood up

WHAT Is your favourite colour? blue

Can you do that most your friends can’t? memorize really well, deny bread, sign, talk neuro

Is your birthday? next weekend

Colour eyes do you have? blue with navy and gray

Form of transport do you take to work/school? typically the car.

Music do you like to listen to in the car? Oh goodness anything that I put on spotify

Languages can you speak? english. some spanish and some asl but not fluently

Was the last thing you drank? diet coke

Was the last thing you ate? trail mix

Time did you wake up this morning? I wake up all hours lately and just stare out my window or at the ceiling. Eventually I just give up and get up for good. I think today was like 5am

Colour are your bedroom walls? They’re kind of a mauve-y brown-y purple

Drink do you usually order when eating out? sometimes, not always.

Food can you cook well? I’m a great baker but I don’t cook all that often. Or rather I should say I am insecure about my cooking.

Animals have you had for a pet? Oh goodness. Dogs, cats, bunnies, chickens, turtles, pigs, horses, birds, parrots, fish, flying squirrels, lizards, ...

Are your initials? dls

Kind of activities do you like to do on the weekends? I like to play games, go on drives, see the world, see friends, window shop, idk

Movie do you know line by line? father of the bride, finding nemo, sleepless in seattle, youve got mail, something borrowed, how to lose a guy in ten days, made of honor, while you were sleeping

Band(s) have you seen in concert? I don’t remember all of them. relient k was one.

Do you buy/get to treat yourself? food or clothes lol.

Colours your phone cover? right now it’s like a teal color. 

Part of the world would you love to visit? switzerland. europe. 

Question do you dislike being asked? when are you going to be married.

Subject were you good at in school? science

Careers do your parents have? mom is a manager of a store and I’m not entirely sure of what dad does. I think he owns a company.

Brand of clothing do you buy most often? probably ON

Chocolate bar is your favourite? right now, probably uhmmm 

TV show have you watched every series of? tbh I couldn’t tell you

Radio station do you listen to the most? 99.5, 98.3, 103.5, 96.3, 

Podcasts are you subscribed to? I’m not the biggest fan of podcasts

Is your favourite dessert? anything mega rich

Can’t you do that most around you seem to? roller blade, skateboard, ice skate

Are 5 qualities you value in a friend? honesty, loyalty, kindness, consideration, humor

Are 5 qualities you value in a partner? honesty, loyalty, kindness, slow-tempered, loving

Size pizza do you usually order? goodness I havent had pizza in so long.

Cuisine do you like to order or cook? I suppose right now mexican

Colour(s) dominate your wardrobe? Black. I want to wear more colors I think I refrain because of drawing attention to my figure.

Toothpaste brand do you use? I think right now it’s crest!

Sounds can you hear right now? one of the most dear movies to me.. Serendipity. I think about this movie all the time in my current situation. Maybe.

Is the weather like today? Steamy. But I have been very comfortable in the AC tbh

Are your plans for tomorrow? I’m going to sleep in. Relax. Spend the day reading in the pool, trying to not think about my situation. 

WHERE Do you keep your phone when not using it? I used to always keep it on me, but now I’m trying to get used to leaving it in the other room or just leaving it at home so I stop obsessing.

Were you born? Palos.

Do you go to unwind? On a drive

Is your best friend right now? I’m not sure where Kile is anymore. Emily is likely asleep. Nathan’s probably out lol

Can you go nearby to have a good time? Tbh, I can be alone and have a great time.

Is the nearest restaurant? like 3-4 blocks away.

Is the nearest beach? There is lake michigan, indiana dunes, or lakes. depends what you fancy.

Did you meet your closest friend? kile and I met on CM. em and I met thru Alix. 

Did you go for your last vacation? Pigeon Forge, TN.

Is the nearest mall or superstore? mall would be orland. Superstore would probably be like a walmart or a target. 

Did you last get an injury? I screwed up my foot somehow so I’m trying to nurse that.

Is the most extravagant place you’ve stayed at? Hmm, probably when my sister would travel and we would stay in these exotic hotels.

Do most the local kids play? If you mean kids like 21 ish, there are some great local bars on Oak Park Ave

Have you been with your family? I mean, I’m going to need more detail in the question

Did you spend Christmas last year? home. Then the boys called for us to come over and see their new toys lol

Did your parents grow up? they grew up in roseland which is now a chicago ghetto lol

Did you buy the shoes you’re wearing? barefoot at the moment.

Would you like to go right now if you could? if I can be totally transparent, I would give anything to go sit on a park bench next to kile. 

Do you miss the most from your childhood? The innocent beliefs. the lack of trauma. 

Is the best restaurant you know? I donno, I’m fairly easy-going about restaurants.

Will you never go again as it was so bad? lol this local burrito joint

WHEN ...was your last vacation? two weeks ago. 

...did you graduate? this may. I really thought it would have been more exciting, but it was such a tragic time. 

...did you have your first kiss? on my 16th birthday

...did you learn how to swim? young. like 5-6? 

...did you have your first relationship? uhhhh 19.

...do you feel the most at peace? on a drive.

...do you usually fall asleep? I have no idea. I’m all over the place these days.

...do you usually wake up? thats a wide range of times.

...did you last watch a movie? i’ve been watching movies in bed all day. 

...did you last go to a party? yesterday

...did you last cry? today

...did you laugh really hard? I laughed yesterday. 

...did you buy something pricey last? my vacation I suppose. I really need to get new gym shoes because it has been a few years but man they are pricey.

...did you have an argument last? I haven’t argued this past week. I don’t know if I’m just worn down or if I have lost the fight in me? I’m not entirely sure.

...did you last have a sick day? donno really.

...did you last recieve a hug? I got about 400 hugs from the kids yesterday lol

...when is your best friend’s birthday? aug 16. april 20. march 13.

...did you learn how to drive? I refused to drive as long as possible. mom tricked me into drivers ed when I was about 18.

...did you last receive a surprise? umm.. I really don’t know.

HOW Many pets do you have? Two.

Many houses have you lived in? one

Often do you shower? once per day usually.

Well can you cook? I am mediocre at the moment.

Many close friends do you have? just gets smaller and smaller.

Many Brothers or sisters do you have? one sister two brothers

Often do you go swimming? I WISH all the time. tomorrow will be my first time in a long time. it’s hardly swimming cus its a small pool, but still.

Many times have you texted today? I’ve hardly touched messaging apps. I’m really behind on my correspondence. 

Do you like your toast (colour, topping)? I used to love it toasted with light butter and then pb

Do you like your tea and/or coffee? no coffee. I’m not huge on tea.

Do you like to celebrate your birthdays? typically the way I spent it last year. this year was supposed to be with Kile. For some reason I just glanced at the calendar and it had our weekend trip for march all highlighted. 

Are you feeling today? I’m ok. I mean, I’m not but it’s closer to being OK.

Serious are you about your career goals? I’m passionate about it.

Many rooms are in your house? 11 I suppose.

Many bedrooms in your house? 4.

Did you do in your school exams? I excelled at them. 

Close do you live to your parents? very close to mom. thousands of miles from dad.

Close do you live to your siblings? My brother is around the block. another brother is maybe 30 mins away. my sister is thousands of miles.

Sensitive to criticism are you? pretty sensitive. its a fault.

Motivated to make changes are you? quite motivated.

Creative are you (1-10): 5

Hard working are you (1-10): 11.

Sporty are you (1-10): 1

Musical are you (1-10): 0

Do you prefer your eggs? uhh, moms scrambled, over easy, or sunny side up.

Often do you go out to eat? like once a month.

Would your best friend describe you? I don’t really know. probably studious, the caregiver, patient

Can someone cheer you up if you’re sad? if they know me well enough. 

Often do you meet up with your friends? like 2-3x a month

Important is religion to you? faith is important.

Old were you when you first stayed overnight from home? like 5

Old were you when you got your first pet? I was an infant

Tech savvy are you? decent. not great but decent.

Do you show you appreciate those you care for? I learn what matters to them and I support their dreams obsessively. I research things that matter, I ask questions, I write cards, buy gifts, and just tell them.

Often do you cut your hair? I need to cut it. asap.

Often do you paint your nails? I’ve stopped painting my hands since graduation. I just .. i cant.

Many countries have you visited? 1

Boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? haha

WHY  ... did you choose your username? because it’s one I use

... did you take this survey? it seemed to have some decent questions. I’m trying to work through stuff regarding kile right now, so it had some opportunities. right now I’m wondering if he still reads these. It doesn’t tell me if someone does, only if they like or comment on it. what does it matter, I don’t know. my mind just swirls.

... did you choose the career you did? I had a professor who showed me a video during a neuro class on aphasia and it was a CLICK moment.

...did you last leave the house? running errands for the party

...did you last give up on something? I am in the process. I don’t want to. my whole body aches and screams not to let go, but my brain is recognizing it is time.

...did you search the last thing you searched? i was converting celsius to fahrenheit 

...would you give up on someone completely? I think sometimes I have this mindset that I can help. I can support. I can enhance your situation. I want to help you grow. I want to be there for it all. I think the reality is I am learning that not everyone wants that. I don’t know that i’m helping as much as I hope, and it destroys me to think I was maybe making his life worse. 

IF You could live in any country which would you choose? switzerland

You could choose any animal as a pet which one? cat or dog

You could be famous for something what would you like? I don’t know that I would want to be.

You are sad, how do you combat it? Right now it is sitting with the feelings of loss. I’m trying not to just blow over it or pretend it isn’t real, but to just let it suck as bad as it sucks. I don’t know. I don’t have any magic way of moving through the sadness.

You can drive when did you learn? when I was 18

You could have any job what would it be? I would want to be somewhere with little human interaction tbh.

You could go anywhere for a vacation where would you go? europe. 

You could eat anything right now what would it be? nothing. loss of appetite.

You wrote a book what genre/topic would it be? maybe a book of poetry. or a biography.

You had a theme song what would it be? that would take me a while to come up with.

You could meet any band/singer in person which one? harry connick jr.

You could act in any movie which would it be? I’m not sure I would

You get married what venue would you like? i think I would want to elope 

If you have kids do you have names picked out? I have names I like on a list.

Could describe your dream home what would it be like? farm. land. big ole porch with comfy furniture. lots of trees. a dreamy bedroom. i really want a window seat. You could go back in time what would you change? for the longest time I wished I could have gone to see John immediately. However, had I done that I would have left here and moved there and I wouldnt have the life I do now. So I guess maybe i dont really know.

Could use 3 words to describe your childhood which ones? the memories without my dad were extremely pleasant. My mom tried her best.

Could get the answer to any question which question would you choose? right now I’d want to know why Kile kept things from me. Like how do you wake up everyday OK with knowing I’m unaware. I wanna know what the plan was.. was he planning to meet me and just secretly break up with her? was he ever planning to move to me? Why did he never fight for me? how was I so easy to let go of? why wouldn’t he just break off what he was was “breaking off” to keep me? what was the alternative? keep us both?? why couldn’t he see how he was hurting me? why didn’t it matter? how does he just let go of me so simply and not c ---- but honestly I’ll never get those answers. I would probably be better off asking will i have my own family one day

You could have an endless supply of something what would it be? Money, because of course.

CAN ... you ride a bike? yes

... you ski? i want to learn

... you bake a cake? oh yes.

... you sing well? mediocre

... you do your own taxes? badly

... you remain calm in a crisis? extremely calm.

... you do first aid? like... bandaid level yes.

... remember your best friend’s family members’ names? almost entirely.

... you fire a gun? yes

... your parents drive? Yes

...your best friend dance well? probably not.

...you make people laugh easily? mom, yes lol

...stand up for yourself? if i get pushed enough, yes.

...you do a martial art? Nope

WOULD You like to learn a new language? absolutely.

Save the life of a stray animal? Absolutely.

Know what to do if there was a hurricane? sure, but it would be very very very very unlikely for me to need to utilize that sort of skill set considering I live in the middle of a loooooooot of land. Not coastal at all.

Try a new cuisine? yes

Risk your life for anyone? Yes.

You like to get back in touch with someone? oh boy. how i wish.

You drive in the middle of the night to get a stuck friend? Ina heartbeat.

You Know how to perform CPR? I mean.. vaguely.

You likely win in a game of chess? I promise you no.

You stop talking for a day for $100? happily.

[yoolee]

Lucky be a Lady (or Laddie)

OKAY. I HAD A REALLY LONG DRIVE and there was actually like NO traffic for once so I could put my cruise control, and, since my speakers died and I could neither listen to radio nor books on tape like usual, I decided to come up with an otome game plot in all of its TRITE, CAMPY, UNABASHEDLY CLICHED GLORY.

(This is not edited, this is not thought through – this was voice-to-texted on a LONG DRIVE and I went through to at least make sure there were more or less coherent sentences)

OK.

SO.

MEET THE CHOSEN ONES. They are a very sweet old couple (Ferreole and Eula) now in their mid seventies, and they have a passel of grandchildren and their great grandchild being born is the impetus for their decision to FULLY RETIRE from the whole ‘Chosen One’ business.

Being a REASONABLE, LEVEL-HEADED, TOTALLY RATIONAL COUPLE that has stayed together through decades of knitting with magic wands and losing Excalibur with their golf clubs, they decide to leave it up to fate.

(Fate works BEST in subway stations, if you didn’t know, so they go to one)

WHERE YOU ARE.

YOU are an adjunct professor/post-doc in…something, idk, anthropology probably, and a series of totally random events in your morning (outlined in the prologue) mean that you get to the train station JUST in time to miss it.

So you sit down. And the sweet couple sitting there BEAM at you, and you can’t help but smile back, even as you commiserate – “Gosh, I just haven’t been having any luck lately.”

AND THEIR SMILES GET BIGGER

AND TA-DA.

YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE.  

Your new superpower is luck.

Unfortunately for you – luck can be either good or bad.

(And there we have the driving point for most of the subplots in the story.)

OKAY SO IT’S AN OTOME GAME LET’S GET TO THE LOVE INTERESTS

THE SUPER VILLAIN: Kind of a moody little shit. Only a super villain because of the family business so he kind of half asses it most days – just not really all that interested in it. BUT. He gets really pissed off when YOU half ass things like he calls up your sidekick to come pick you up, “Like why would I even bother with the vat of sharks if you're going to get tripped up by the first henchmen you come across you have a month to get better at this” and in the meantime he’ll stick to moderate evil stuff like moving people’s parking tickets so they get EVEN MORE.  His day job is probably has like a veterinarian or something because just because he hates people doesn't mean that animals aren’t cool. Probably listens to 90’s grunge music while he’s causing destruction. Holds great affection for your Magical Talking Animal Sidekick and can be distracted mid-battle by trying to offer it treats. 

YOUR SIDEKICK: So your sidekick is just generally super earnest and excited and like gungho golden boy/ golden retriever. He’s a lot smarter than he gets credit for, and knows everything there is to know because he's been in this business for a while since he's probably one of Eula and Ferreole’s grandbabies, but you know, queue tragic backstory or something, like he's probably super lonely because he knows all the stuff about the world that no one else knows so he can’t really connect with people. GOOD GRANDCHILD, visits them a lot and goes grocery shopping for them. Kind of a nerd, but also not AS bright as all you professor-types, and would rather stick to PUNCH THE BAD THING, but, has a knack for solving off-the-wall riddles and puzzles too.

THE MAD SCIENTIST/BEST FRIEND:  Inadvertently, but, you know every superhero story needs a mad scientist SO. She is a girl genius extraordinaire, youngest head of her department blah blah blah something like a physicist (astrophysicist? quantum mechanics?) Probably collects degrees cause it's fun but her experiments get a little bit questionably ethical? When they involve people? In other people’s routes you are kind of her guinea pig and she probably builds your armor and gadgets and stuff? And then starts go down a slippery slope in her own route. ANYWAY, she's hella smart (you're smart too, but she's like mad scientist genius smart so.)

VILLAINOUS SIDEKICK: The super villain is kind of pretty chill but THE SIDEKICK WOAH super mega angst issues hey, so, hates everything in the world and is just like biding his time and learning stuff that he can become his own super villain. He's going to probably actually be really fucking scary if he goes that route. ALSO because this is how luck and otome games work, he’s your teaching assistant for the semester LUCKY YOU and, you are not an idiot so you figure out that he's your teaching assistant pretty quickly but considering the most evil thing that he could possibly do would be to leave you to create your own midterms, you keep him around. AND EVERYONE DESERVES AN EDUCATION and he’d lose his stipend if you fired him he’s the bad guy not you OKAY? You probably both get in a shit ton of trouble all the time because you fight (like, have this big epic battles and then lab, and oh god, no, I’m not cleaning this up, well you’re the TA, yeah well you’re the responsible adult YOU do it) anyway total jerk, yes.

GRUMPY CIVILIAN BARTENDER: Every good superhero needs a bartender because they deal with a lot of shit and alcohol (sometimes, for some people, including heroine) helps, so grumpy civilian dude or lady or NB, basically their function is to serve you alcohol and listen to you lament while offering sarcastic advice. They are probably the earnest sidekick’s best friend and to balance out all of that happy cheerful excitement they are super grumpy as established by the name grumpy civilian bartender. They take care of you but they also are probably more antihero than anything, so, the advice they give is skewed towards BAD THINGS. Absolutely nothing magical or (un)lucky ever happens in their bar. You’re pretty sure it’s cursed. Or blessed. It’s hard to tell?

JOURNALIST:  Possibly a journalist because no superhero story seem to know of a journalist or better yet like social media fan like a person who makes your page to be a fan of your childhood friend I don't know

SUPPORTING CAST

FERREOLE & EULA: They were the chosen ones until they dumped that on you (lucky you—literally) they are in their mid-70s and retired and they kind of show up on and off to give you advice but they're busy enjoying their retirement. Their room of collected Stuff has all kinds of things – reality checks (they bounce), crystal balls, poker chips, a pegasus, fishing gear, orbs of time, etc. etc…

SOME MAGICAL ANIMAL, PROBABLY A DUCK OR POSSUM: So of course you have a magical talking animal to guide you because what is a good story about magic and superheroes without a robot and/or animal and animals are cuter in terms of sprites so it's probably like a POSSUM or something random because you're that kind of special I guess. Probably a talking duck. You are stuck at something super ridiculous as a result of your bad luck—like a cat would be nice and normal to carry around and no one will question you talking to your cat but everyone has all kinds of questions when you try and carry a possum or duck into your house.

THE APP USERS: Halfway through the story Ferreole and Eula call you to say ask if hey you've downloaded the chosen one app yet and you're like what the fuck there's an app and they're like of course there is this is the 21st-century you didn't think you'd have to do this all by yourself? Right. That's bullshit we have Wikipedia now. So, the APP USERS. People who have done fairies favors and people who have brushed up against the other side who have dreams that come true sometimes or see spirits and shadows move where others don't they show up sometimes because your LUCK means you will just cross paths as needed.

[coshayphinelove]

5 character headcanons - cosima, felix, scott, art, mk, rachel, krystal, adele

i am so sorry if you are on mobile and the read more does not work properly and you see all of this.  

you have my deepest apologies.

Send me the name of a character and I will tell you my:

cosima

1. sexuality headcanon:  canon says she’s a lesbian, i just wanna say that despite what interviews beforehand said.  

and i’ve always had the idea that for a long time she had a complicated relationship with her sexuality.  she identified as bi and/or queer for a while and swore off labels for another.  like she had been with guys before and they were fun and everything.  and the girls she was with were also fun but she was only looking for fun there, too.  but now she’s gotten to the point where she’s looking for something more serious than fun.  and that led her to realizing that she Loves women way more and way more thoroughly than she likes men (if she even can really call it liking men at all).  and so she’s getting comfortable with labels and id’s as a lesbian now.

(i only think that because the two conflicting informations needed to be reconciled in my head.)  (i’m not a lesbian so please tell me if this is not cool or something that isn’t part of being one.)

2. otp:  coshayphine.  they’re just.  so good.  though i’m kind of dragging myself down a sarcoshayphine hole and there’s #noragrets.  (some ragrets, actually.  that is so many people and hands and emotions to keep track of.)

3. brotp:  if it’s not a sarcoshayphine thing, then sarah.  i feel like aside from helena and sarah they’re the closest.  and they just care so much for each other that if it didn’t get to a dating level then they would be the bestest of bros.  

and if it is sarcoshayphine then charlotte.  i’ve already decided that she calls her little buddy (even after charlotte gets taller than her)  (which is going to happen).

4. notp:  idk?  paul?  i really hated paul.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  I Have Too Many.

but i love the idea of her getting a hair cut like this or this (short sides and a floofy curly bit at the top) bc in my head she’s nonbinary.  so she’s got this big life change of turning over a new leaf and being free finally and coming to terms with some new identities and she just cuts all her hair off.  Symbolism.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  i like science and girls and if they happened at the same time for me i would start coughing up blood too.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: her seemingly putting her own needs aside and not talking to delphine.  like they start and she brings up good points, but delphine is written to be cryptic af so it just seems like she gives up on trying to find out what she wants or working their relationship into something more healthy.  and that makes me real uncomfy.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  cinnamon roll!!

The rest are under a cut!!

felix

1. sexuality headcanon:  he is gay

2. otp:  either him and colin or felony.  i just miss tony a whole lot.

3. brotp:  sarah.  lov thos kids

4. notp:  ???  paul.  i’m just going to keep saying paul

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  i have it outlined for the post s5 fic that once coshayphine move into their residence that they’re going to keep for the foreseeable future they hang up the painting of cosima.  and she hates being the only one with a 5 foot tall painting.  

so being a good foster brother-in-law or whatever they are to each other, he paints one of delphine and shay too, because that’s totally what cosima meant!!!!  not that she wanted it taken down/put somewhere other than the front room.  thanks felix.  sure thing cosima, what are foster brother-in-laws for?  and he paints delphine naked to make her just a little uncomfortable (one of his favorite past times), but it’s from the shoulders up.  so it’s not too weird.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  sarcasm and using gay as a descriptor 

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:season 4.  like.  i know it worked out in the end.  but the fact that he didn’t understand why searching for his ‘real sister’ while there’s life or death situations bothered sarah was like.  the worst.  and i understand his side too, but like.. did it need to happen Right Then?  when evil corporations were stealing and copyrighting genomes??8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  cinnamon roll.

scott

1. sexuality headcanon: biromantic asexual!!

2. otp: hellwizard and/or rune wars.

3. brotp:  team science mega force

4. notp:  just gonna say paul right down the line, for Comedic Effect.

but for a while there were people who were like scott/delphine or scott/cosima and it was.  a no from me.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  has the unfortunate job of first one down to the lab in the morning.  he either wakes cosima and delphine up or walks really loudly to alert them that he is there.  he is usually someone who likes to start work early, but… he starts coming in later because he’s seen things that he Did Not Want To See.  he is unable to make eye contact with cosima for a week after she was going to run to the kitchen to grab breakfast naked but didn’t know he was there.  poor guy.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  Uncomfortable Chortling™.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: Uncomfortable Chortling™.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  cinnamon roll.  the purest one.  he just really wants to help his bro.

art

1. sexuality headcanon:  bi art woulda been cool.

2. otp: safety and happiness.  i don’t know what we know about his ex but if it was healthy and loving but just dissolved bc of him working so much then maybe he could reconnect with her?  

3. brotp:  beth and art 5ever

4. notp:  sarah.  They Are Friends.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  is such a good dad.  plays dress up and does tea parties and when charlotte is having behavioral problems at school takes the time to talk to her and figures out it’s bc she’s bored and too smart.  had to be forced to stop bed time stories bc ‘that’s for babies, dad!!!’ was a little more than heartbroken.  is the dad that runs out onto the soccer field when his kid is taken down and appears to be injured.  cries openly when he finds out that helena named her son after him.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  Guy Who Just Wants His Friends To Get Their Lives Together But Doesn’t Worry About His Own.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: in the finale there was this shot of him while he was helping helena give birth.  and i think they went too close with a short lens while he was laughing because his face kinda looked distorted.  and it was a nice laughing face but the distortion kinda scared me.  made me think something bad was about to happen WHICH WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN OKAY8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: cinnamon roll

mk

1. sexuality headcanon:  asexual aromantic

2. otp: how just so totally alive she still is and how she killed freshanando

3. brotp:  nicki? nikki?  however you spell her name.  and also beth.

4. notp:  death.  canon.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head: got pretty much all of her money from embezzling and investing.  she only embezzled like $2,000 from each corporation, but she was so good at timing and watching the market she’s sitting on several million dollars.  but she likes her trailer so she just gives the extra away as it comes in.  at least now that she has family to gift it to.

cosima enrolls at University of Toronto and finds the exact amount for her tuition is wired to her account.

delphine needs to buy a whole new wardrobe and rebuild her life and an envelope full of cash is waiting in the mailbox at the comic book store.  (not the point right now, but where THE FUCK was she getting her clothes???)

alison is worried about the kids’ college tuition bc of their year of unemployment plus drug dealing and gets a transfer.

sarah takes some time in finding a job and is worried about making a payment on S’s house but then it magically goes away and so does the next one.

etc. etc.  and she never runs out of money, but everybody else just thinks she’s being so generous.  and they never ask for more, bc god how could you ask for more after gifts like that.  and so she just keeps accruing more and more interest so she starts just dumping all this money on charities.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  i really wanna blow frickinanderino up.  

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:i don’t think there was anything...  but i don’t really remember much of s4... maybe the driving with the sheep mask on?  that was so dangerous and extra.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  cinnamon roll

rachel

1. sexuality headcanon:  i’ve been seeing some people talking about lesbian rachel and i can get behind that.  like seeing the number of clones showing signs of ‘sexual fluidity’ or whatever the book phrased it as.  and she doesn’t want to be like them.  so she forces it down to be The Perfect Subject.  then later realizes that that made those subjects of more interest to some of the scientists.  or she never considered it for herself because they always gave her male monitors so she just didn’t think about it.  there’s some angst there.

2. otp:  propane.

3. brotp:  who was the guy she texted ‘update pls’?  bc whoever she felt she could text slang with they must’ve been close.

4. notp:  paul, but i mean it this time.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  go read @sharkodactyl s fic the sun that’s setting in the east.  

6. one way in which I relate to this character: is a sucker and would do anything for an authority figure’s approval.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:anything to do with ferfuckle.  honey.  love yourself.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  Problematic.  not even fave.  i felt for rachel, but it was very cool_motive_still_murder.gif.  unlike with other characters who did bad things, her intent was to harm.  even if it was misguided revenge against the wrong people.  though i am glad that she got out alive and can try to live a life that she actually chooses rather than what is chosen for her.

krystal

1. sexuality headcanon:  idk.. maybe pansexual?  or she just doesn’t do labels and has a whole speech about it.

2. otp: brie.  they even have a canon ship name in kay-bee.

3. brotp:  manicures, mimosas, & croissants as described here.  but basically krystal, adele, and delphine.  they go for brunch, get their nails done, and tipsily validate the everliving fuck out of each other.

4. notp:  paul, cuz why not.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  bc kay-bee is obviously canon... after the incident with brie’s hair krystal is extra careful when she plays with her hair.  and she takes extra special but sneaky looks to see if she’s getting any bald spots.  in short, she’s worried about her girlfriend and wants to make sure she’s okay.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  does The Most but is dead wrong.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:  the fact that john and graeme didn’t know that she was based on a kroll show bit and accidentally kinda stole her.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  the cinnamoniest of rolls

adele

1. sexuality headcanon:  i feel like she is a straight person?  she just reminds me of my country relatives who have ‘live, laugh, love’ signs in their homes.  idk why.

2. otp:  getting help for her drinking problem and getting un disbarred.  re barred?

3. brotp:  as stated above:  manicures, mimosas, & croissants.

4. notp:  fuck it.  paul.

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:  she’s scarily good at video games.  she didn’t even realize it until she sat down to play with the kids, at their request, and finds out that she can’t stop winning.  the kids then ask her to leave.

6. one way in which I relate to this character:  is also very ready to drink at any time.

7. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:idk i feel like she was a wholesome addition to clone club.  maybe her inability to keep a secret even though everybody told her to not tell.8. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?:  cinnamon roll.

[terminalsonata]

Read my mistakes, so hopefully you won’t make them, too.

Specifically about my ten cats at present, but also others along the way,  It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but it ended up this way.

We came to this place with three:  Mine from when I was able to live on my own before my body crippled me, which counts at two. and the one they got when i was a teenager.  She passed away shortly after, so we were down one.

And then it began.

Warning:  I will be talking about sick cats that were unable to be made healthy, but I think it’s important to know.

To start, I want it known that, while I have lifelong experience with animals, this was the first time any of us dealt with cats from outside in this manner.  Most our animals were rescues--a cat that had all its bones broken, a Shih Tzu whose one eye was poked out, another dog that was beaten, one that was thrown out a moving car and then starved and beaten by the people who picked it up, another that was also but in a duct taped box with its litter, etc--but we got them from vets and rescue groups, with the one that was thrown out of a moving car and then beaten/starved by the people who took it, we ordered her to be given to us when we found out (it was extended family, so the dynamics were different)--but never animals we plucked out from the wild, so we had to learn.  Certain people in my life had to learn more than others.

First, a litter of motherless kittens was found by a family friend, and we fell in love with one of them.  So she brought us to three: a tabby, a tortie and now a... we don’t know what she is, but she has some siamese in her.  At this time, certain people in the household still believed in declawing.  I begged for her not to be declawed, and tried to explain what it was, and I was told that I was being stupid, that every cat they have had was declawed, and it’s not what I’m saying it is.

Yeah, guess what?  The declaw went bad, and she has bits of bone fragments that scrape inside her skin, and cause infections, and the surgery to fix it runs a risk of actually making it worse.

Declawing is now a thing no one in this household does any longer, thank fucking God.

Then, a grey and white kitten showed up on our patio one night.  He was a juvenile, not a kitten, and friendly as could be right out the gate.  It was clear he was thrown out of an abusive household based on his behaviors (afraid of getting on furniture, acting like he was about to be hit even though we were just coming in to pet him), so we took him in.

From here, we had an onslaught of unhealthy kitties that were either thrown out or were ferals that decided we were okay.

We had a set of brothers who had birth defects that had their stomachs and lungs filling with fluid, so we had to put them down.  (No, it wasn’t mega esophagus.  I was raised with a dog with that, and back then, the life span was 1 year for those animals, and we kept her alive 4 years.)  The most tragic part of this was our single neighbor had promised a woman she would take them in and keep them safe, and then just tossed them outside, so they migrated over to us where we were kind to them.

The other was a tuxedo that had been feral all his life.  Our one neighbor we have said he was sooo vicious.  He had a head injury though, so we caught him and took him to the vet.  He was nasty af right until we dumped him out of the cage, at which point he looked around and then sniffed us and it was like a light turned on, and he became hyper affectionate, so we took him in.  This rugged, scarred up cat that had clawed the shit out of our neighbor acted like he’d been a housepet his whole life.  Then, we learned that the vet didn’t test him for diseases, and when he fell ill, the vet ACTUALLY tested him and revealed he had feline leukemia.  We had to put him down.

All three are buried on our property with headstones, because they were the best cats.

After this, we adopted a black cat I named Ezio, because he’s such a ladies man with human ladies and just a huge charmer.  We’re a big fan of black cats.  When I was a child, my grandmother (an insane ol’ coot) found a polydactyl Bombay with a broken leg at like two in the morning, and we drive two hours at that time of night to get him, and he was so funny.  And fat.  My sister, who was a cop at the time, won a bet over who knew the fattest cat.  It was a disservice to him, but he loved his life.  Ezio is much sleeker and healthier, and sweet as pie.

After that, another lifelong feral became a porch cat when I finally befriended him after years of trying.  He was gentle, and sweet, and loving.  The moment it clicked for him that we were there for him was when I heard a cat scream on the property on the other side of us from our one neighbor.  No one lives there, and the owner allows us on there freely.  I loped my crippled self over, and he’d gotten into a tiff with another cat.  I coaxed him to come with me, and he walked all the way back to the patio, and from that point on, he was Sweet One, because he was a sweet, sweet, sweet boy.  He was always so skinny, and would get attacked because, as I learned along the way, he wasn’t a fighter.  He was a defender, and often lost fights.  These injuries would get so horrifically infected and I did everything I could to help him.  He eventually learned to stay on and around the patio, and the injuries stopped.  But then, one day, he got a nose bleed.  And it wouldn’t stop.  It kept going through the night, and into the next day.  He was bleeding everywhere, so we took him in.

He had feline HIV, and an infection in his nose was causing the bleeding.  So, we had to put him down, and he was buried with the other three and a Shih Tzu.

After this, things were pretty normal for a while.  We had a couple ferals that I saw here and there that would eat from the food dishes out for Sweet One, so we kept them out after he was gone.

And then one night, a kitten was spotted.

It took me months of chasing these four kittens and baby talking them, and tossing food out, then putting food in bowls, then migrating the bowls towards the patio, then onto the patio, but I was able to FINALLY earn their trust.

Two boys, two girls.  By nature, girls are usually less friendly, and the household fell in love with the boys, who were brought in and named Woody and Noctis.  They’re pudgy (particularly the glutton Noctis) and happy.

I begged for help to catch the sisters to get them spayed through the spay/neuter program for strays, and never got it.  It’s a lot of bullshit, but eventually the two got pregnant.  I told them that had they helped me, this wouldn’t have happened.  (Because I’m crippled and they’re old, it’s a case of we can’t do it alone, but we can do it together, but all they heard was, “YOU have to do this.”)

One sister, who I named Lady (because she has two eye colors like Lady from Devil May Cry) was starting to get close, and her sister (Princess, because she acts like one) was not far behind.  When they started acting uncomfortable, they allowed me to give them pets and rubs, and this solidified me as a Good Human.  Still, the household was in denial about the pregnancies until Lady gave birth to three kittens.  THEN they were invested.  THEN they helped me trap Princess.  But instead of allowing her to give birth as she was so close to doing, they shipped her off for it ‘all to be handled’.  She’s back with us now, and seems no worse for wear.  The vet who worked on her did a beautiful job on her incision.

Unfortunately, the chaos of catching her scared Lady, who hauled off back to the place on the property with no one next door with her babies, where her mother raised her, Woody, Noctis and Lady.  So I figure okay... ten weeks, and I can start trying.

Ten weeks is the normal amount of time for a cat to have weened her kittens.

Lady is different, however, the little brat.  She is the equivalent of a helicopter mom.  After it was all through and like 16 weeks later, even after she was spayed, she was still allowing them to nurse on her despite her not producing milk.

But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself.

We had a kitten trap by this time, and I was able to get close to one of the kittens--a tuxedo just like Lady and Noctis--and discovered it had a massive eye infection.  So, trapping commenced, and it was decided that he can’t go back out.  (”Trap and Release” is the name of the game with most ferals to try to control the population of cats out here.)  His eye was left damaged from the infection.  He was named Jax.

Then we got his siblings, and his mom.  They were in massive dog cages, and Lady was taken and spayed and FUCK her vet, because they did such a hack job on her compared to Princess.  I had to keep her in and on antibiotics for a week after.  Didn’t help that she liked to lay in her litter box, but...

But then we learned it was going to take f o r e v e r to get the siblings in for their fixing.  Too long for kittens that are only 17-18 weeks old at this point to handle getting released again, so it’s decided they’re staying in.

We have Jax, the one-eyed tuxedo; a solid black girl I’m thinking of naming Iris, but idk yet; and their gigantic brother I’m tentatively calling Gladio because he dwarfs his siblings in size.  He’s a gentle giant, and disturbingly really close to looking like his uncle, Woody, and his aunt, Princess, giving some haunting implications, but he’s healthy and happy and had someone just listened and helped me in the first place...

So, there you go.  I’ll leave you with a summary of advice:

- If you see a cat with a single cropped ear outside, it means they’re a feral that was taken in and spayed/neutered, then released

- If you find a feral/stray without this, then call animal/cat rescues in our area to ask about trap/fix/release programs (usually called SNIP afaik). These programs will fix cats for little to no cost and

- if the cats have good demeanors, they may bring them into the fostering programs they have to find forever homes

- If you have a feral you interact with that gets injured and immediately suffers horrific infections, you need to trap/catch them and get them somewhere so they can be tested for autoimmune diseases.  Yes, unless someone takes them in because they’re nice, this means they’ll need to be put down, but you’re saving them the pain of living with it, and saving numerous other ferals/strays from the same fate

- Never assume ferals won’t be able to turn it around and become good cats for inside the home, but don’t assume all ferals can turn it around.  Give them time to learn you and show what kind of cat they are, and

- Make damn certain if you do bring them in, you have them tested for everything if you have other cats, and make SURE the results get shown to you

Learn from my mistakes, y’all.  Tumblr’s the land of cat people, so I want to give my wisdom to those who might need it.

And a summary of cat names: Mama Bear, Ophelia, Kana, Brutus, Ezio, Noctis, Woody, Jax, tentatively Gladio, tentatively Iris

Honorary cats in the household: Two chihuahuas.

Not cats in the household:  Two dogs who are not like cats and dogs had babies.

Cats outside the household: Lady, Princess, Beeper (who is a feral I befriended over the course of four months and is also polydactyl--she has five distinguished toes on each foot, and is named Beeper because her meows are short bursts like beeps) (her ear is docked, so we know she’s spayed)

Not cats outside:  Chickens, a donkey that caused me to have surgery (and made the surgeon laugh his ass off), two horses, a mini horse, and a goat (who was also a rescue).  Two steers.

Animals. Everywhere.