#and i’m just. really frustrated and upset. in general but mostly about this

[gumy-shark]

alright now i’m fuckin pissed man

[hollowed-theory-hall]

hi!

we see harry’s anger truly manifest in ootp, and it was a treat reading your analysis on his ptsd!

but it’s been a longheld belief in the fandom that harry is this firecracker with concerningly poor anger management. which is absurd, frankly imo, because i understand his default style is quiet, intense intimidation, or sass and snark. except when his fury reaches the threshold of his control, and he lets go fully and spectacularly. we also see in the later books that harry keeps trying to rein in the onslaught of fury pouring from voldemort, and while he does channel that anger outwardly, he isn’t making a habit of frequently lashing out at the people around him.

what i’m really asking is, what are your thoughts on harry’s anger and how he manages his frustrations from age eleven to seventeen?

Hello 👋

Thank you! I love my boy Harry and his anger and trauma so much! His trauma doesn't manifest in the way most fandoms usually like to portray trauma, but I always loved how Harry breaks when he reaches his threshold. He's a fascinating character and I find myself disappointed in his treatment over the years in fanon.

As to your question, boy, okay, this is complex and is greatly affected by Harry's mental state. I mentioned here how his anger is often colder and sassier and the fiery anger that's all shouting and cursing is something we only really see from him in OotP and onwards and I believe is the result of trauma, as I mentioned here & here.

But I decided, you know what? I can take a few scenes of his anger from each book. It's something I have a lot of notes about, and I'm surprised I haven't written about it here yet since it's a subject I love talking about.

Now, I do think he has issues with emotional regulation in general. I mean, he was raised in a cupboard under the stairs, he is not emotionally well-adjusted even if he knows to appear as if he is. His anger and how it manifests is a result of years of trauma and abuse. Honestly, though, he manages his anger better than he could have considering his life experience.

So without further ado:

Philosopher's Stone:

In the first book, we see Harry angry at the Dursleys and their unfair treatment of him. This anger is interesting. He has every reason to be angry but it isn't just anger. It's his frustration and helplessness that he feels as anger because he lacks the tools to understand/deal with his emotions.

How we see this anger come out though, is mostly through sass. And even then he makes sure to run/duck away before they could hurt him:

“They stuff people’s heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?” “No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick.” Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he’d said.

(PS, Ch3)

Harry doesn't really have the luxury to get angry or upset because he's the one who would suffer for it. So, he bottles up all his anger and frustration and only lets it out in cold glares and sass even when he's fuming inside. In his heart of hearts, he wishes he could do something to the Dursleys, to hurt them back, but he can't.

I do want to note that Harry's hold on his range isn't him managing it well, it's him bottling it up. This would be very relevant later in this post.

The incident with the Boa Constrictor is one I like. Harry later refers to it as revenge in a moment of anger:

and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn’t he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn’t he set a boa constrictor on him?

(PS, Ch4)

“Out of the way, you,” he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened — one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor’s tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.

(PS, Ch2)

He's unaware that he's doing it, of course, but Harry's magic is powerful and incredibly attuned to him, so of course, it acts up when he's angry. Of course, his magic gets revenge on Dudley when Harry is so angry but feels helpless to do something with it. Harry's magic here shows Harry wishes he could do something, that he could take revenge:

Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Countercurses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and Much, Much More) by Professor Vindictus Viridian. “I was trying to find out how to curse Dudley.”

(PS, Ch5)

He just can't. So he bottles up his anger instead.

The other person we see Harry angry at in the first book, is Snape. Harry responds to Snape quite similar to how he responds to the Dursleys:

“Thought you wouldn’t open a book before coming, eh, Potter?” Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes. He had looked through his books at the Dursleys’, but did Snape expect him to remember everything in One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi? Snape was still ignoring Hermione’s quivering hand. “What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?” At this, Hermione stood up, her hand stretching toward the dungeon ceiling. “I don’t know,” said Harry quietly. “I think Hermione does, though, why don’t you try her?” A few people laughed; Harry caught Seamus’s eye, and Seamus winked. Snape, however, was not pleased.

(PS, Ch8)

He gets angry, inside his head he is fuming, but outside his head, Snape hears a sassy retort said quietly and calmly. Even when Harry is angry he acts calm and quiet and looks like he's joking from Seamus' response. It's why it's so easy for Snape to believe Harry is like James. Harry doesn't show his anger. External he's quiet and sassy becouse he knows if he started shouting he'd be punished more (like at the Dursleys).

So, 11-year-old Harry is quiet outside when angry. Only really shows glares and sass when he's upset while bottling his feelings up. This would continue throughout the years until year 5, for the most part.

Chamber of Secrets:

We see more of this way of handling his anger in CoS (though way less). CoS is not a very angry book, but I found a few examples.

“I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act — no doubt that flea-bitten, Muggleloving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it —” Harry felt a hot surge of anger.

(CoS, Ch4)

Harry is angry. He likes the Weasleys and hates hearing them being talked about like this. Still, no one else sees his anger because he's hiding, and he knows he'd be worse off if he left his hiding spot. Harry isn't all that impulsive (yet). He just swallows his anger down for the sake of what needs to be done — in this case hiding.

“Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.” He blew his nose on a corner of the filthy pillowcase he wore, looking so pathetic that Harry felt his anger ebb away in spite of himself. [...] Dobby mopped his bulging eyes and said suddenly, “Harry Potter must go home! Dobby thought his Bludger would be enough to make — ” “Your Bludger?” said Harry, anger rising once more. “What d’you mean, your Bludger? You made that Bludger try and kill me?”

(CoS, Ch10)

Here, we see more of Harry's usual anger and how he bottles everything up. He is rightfully angry at Dobby for everything he did, but he also feels pity for him, his anger doesn't cloud Harry's ability to empathize with others. And if you look at the second quote, you see that in his head Harry is rightfully angry at an attempt to murder him but he's talking calmly and quietly. He isn't shouting. He isn't being violent or impolite. Harry's anger, as seen by others, is cold and quiet because he bottles it up.

“And why did you want to meet me?” said Harry. Anger was coursing through him, and it was an effort to keep his voice steady.

(CoS, Ch17)

This is later, when facing Tom. Harry feels betrayed. He wanted so bad to be Tom's freind, he tried so much to ignore what was happening so he could keep his new BFF and first crush. But when he is betrayed, he gets angry, rightfully so, again. And we see he isn't shouting or acting angry and rashly. He's speaking steadily and quietly and makes an active effort to do so.

Harry knows how he comes off and is actively trying to make his voice steady and not sound angry/scared! He's smart and not impulsive. He's very aware of his external behavior and actively conceals his anger from appearing externally.

My boy is angry, but he isn't a brash hothead.

I do want to note another thing about Harry's anger. Harry responds with anger when he's scared, when he's grieving, when he feels helpless. Anger is just the easiest emotional response for him to go to, and it's why he reacts with anger to a lot of the things he goes through. Anger is an emotion he understands, so everything kinda feels like anger that he can keep pushing down.

Prisoner of Azkaban:

In PoA, we have a few interesting scenes showcasing Harry's anger really well. Some of the anger descriptions from this book are my favorite by far but we'll get to it.

This is the first book we start seeing Harry act out in anger. Until now, we saw Harry fuming inside but acting calm to the outside world. In PoA, he still mostly does that, but we start seeing him cracking under the weight of life. That bottle he's been filling up for years is close to it's threshold.

just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters. “COME BACK IN HERE!” he bellowed. “COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHT!” But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon. “She deserved it,” Harry said, breathing very fast. “She deserved what she got. You keep away from me.”  He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door. “I’m going,” Harry said. “I’ve had enough.”

(PoA, Ch2)

This above has Harry acting rashly and impulsively in anger. He is ready to just up and go in a moment of rage with little to no forethought which isn't how Harry usually operates. Aunt Marge and Vernon just made him reach his tipping point. Some of that anger has spilled out and Harry's acting out because he doesn't know what else to do.

This is a kid who up to this point never even had the chance to grieve his dead parents properly. He never got to just sit there and feel any of what he's going through. He just keeps swallowing it down and here, we see him start to slip. What he's been pushing down is starting to become too much.

I will note that still, even when he is more brash and angry here, he isn't shouting. He's speaking calmly and evenly even as he's raging inside.

I also want to note the situation with Hermione over the Firebolt:

Professor McGonagall turned on her heel and carried the Firebolt out of the portrait hole, which closed behind her. Harry stood staring after her, the tin of High-Finish Polish still clutched in his hands. Ron, however, rounded on Hermione. “What did you go running to McGonagall for?” [...] Harry knew that Hermione had meant well, but that didn’t stop him from being angry with her. He had been the owner of the best broom in the world for a few short hours, and now, because of her interference, he didn’t know whether he would ever see it again. He was positive that there was nothing wrong with the Firebolt now, but what sort of state would it be in once it had been subjected to all sorts of anti-jinx tests? Ron was furious with Hermione too.

(PoA, Ch11-12)

Harry is mad at Hermione, he has his reasons to be, but he understands why she did it. He is angry, but he's smart and empathetic and he knows Hermione. He knows she only wants him safe, he's still mad, but he doesn't shout at her like Ron does. He pushes his anger down because he doesn't want to upset her. He;s not as furious as Ron is.

In the early books, we see Ron stepping forward to curse Malfoy, shout at Hermione, or stop talking to Harry over the tournament. Ron's the one that is more hot-headed in the early books and springs to act in moments of anger while Harry tends to stay cool-headed (because he pushes his anger down). He is angry inside his head, but he stays calm outside and even stops Ron from going after Malfoy (eat slugs incident, Harry tried to stop him).

(I will note this might have to do with Ron having siblings. Letting your emotions out is a good thing. It is a good thing to tell people you are close to you are upset with them. Arguing with your siblings and shouting at them on occasion can even be healthy! It can keep you from creating grudges and getting bitter. It's not necessarily bad. It's just that Harry and Hermione didn't have siblings and don't know how healthy arguments between people who love each other (which is what Ron is going for with Hermione above) work.)

One of my favorite moments of Harry's anger in the series is everything to do with Sirius when he thinks he's guilty:

A hatred such as he had never known before was coursing through Harry like poison. He could see Black laughing at him through the darkness

(PoA, Ch11)

A boiling hate erupted in Harry’s chest, leaving no place for fear. For the first time in his life, he wanted his wand back in his hand, not to defend himself, but to attack . . . to kill. [...] “NO YOU DON’T!” roared Harry, and he aimed a kick at Crookshanks that made the cat leap aside, spitting; Harry snatched up his wand and turned — “Get out of the way!” he shouted at Ron and Hermione. They didn’t need telling twice. [...] Black was sprawled at the bottom of the wall. His thin chest rose and fell rapidly as he watched Harry walking slowly nearer, his wand pointing straight at Black’s heart. “Going to kill me, Harry?” he whispered. Harry stopped right above him, his wand still pointing at Black’s chest, looking down at him. A livid bruise was rising around Black’s left eye and his nose was bleeding. “You killed my parents,” said Harry, his voice shaking slightly, but his wand hand quite steady.

(PoA, Ch17)

This is the first occurrence we see Harry in a true rage. The kind of anger that pushes him to act impulsively and violently. Harry actually screams in rage.

It's not unreasonable, he thinks Sirius betrayed his parents, these same parents Harry never really got the chance to mourn. But Harry doesn't really shout when angry, he's quiet in his anger usually. But here he actually roars out. He demands Ron and Hermione move from his way, he kicks Crookchanks and goes to kill Sirius. Harry is acting completely from anger without really thinking or realizing what he's doing. This is the kind of rage where you see red and don't really know what you're doing until you're doing it.

I love how he describes it: "coursing through Harry like poison". It's just such a visceral description for a very visceral emotion. This isn't Harry's usual anger, this is rage, this is beyond his usual anger. It's the type of anger most fans associate with him because of OotP. This uncontrolled rage that pushes him to be impulsive is a trauma response. It comes up when Harry is at an emotional low. When there's too much, when he feels to many things and he can't handle them all so he lashes out in anger.

In this case, Harry is facing the man he believes sold out his parents, who trusted him, of course, he's angry and betrayed. Of course, it's different from the anger he feels when Snape is being a dick. It is different. It's rage, and grief, and fear, and pain, and it's a cry for help.

Harry has an impressive capacity to bottle up his emotions, but from book 3, we see him teetering on the threshold. And it just gets worse from here (like his experiences in the books).

Goblet of Fire:

GoF is a rough year, and Harry is very angry throughout this year. Still, we see his usual "cold anger" not his rage. He's angry inside his head, we see it, but he doesn't act out on any of it, nor does he even say anything about it. He's bottling it all up. If we weren't reading his thoughts, we probably wouldn't have these gems of anger:

Harry’s ears were ringing. The injustice of it made him want to curse Snape into a thousand slimy pieces. He passed Snape, walked with Ron to the back of the dungeon, and slammed his bag down onto the table. Ron was shaking with anger too — for a moment, it felt as though everything was back to normal between them, but then Ron turned and sat down with Dean and Seamus instead, leaving Harry alone at his table. On the other side of the dungeon, Malfoy turned his back on Snape and pressed his badge, smirking. POTTER STINKS flashed once more across the room. Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him. . . . If only he knew how to do the Cruciatus Curse . . . he’d have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching. . . .

(GoF, Ch18)

Harry felt oddly separate from everyone around him, whether they were wishing him good luck or hissing “We’ll have a box of tissues ready, Potter ” as he passed. It was a state of nervousness so advanced that he wondered whether he mightn’t just lose his head when they tried to lead him out to his dragon, and start trying to curse everyone in sight.

(GoF, Ch20)

Harry spends a good chunk of GoF wishing he could curse Snape, other students, and even Ron occasionally. He feels helpless and that makes him angry. But he doesn't actually curse anyone. He doesn't even sass Snape in the above example, he just glares.

But you'll notice, again, the way he handles his anger/other issues is not really about mastering the emotion and letting it go. No, Harry just holds that anger in. He never learned to let it go, so all the times, his anger came off as cold and chill to others; it's because Harry's keeping a lid on things. By GoF, Harry can barely keep the cap on:

From the moment the article had appeared, Harry had had to endure people — Slytherins, mainly — quoting it at him as he passed and making sneering comments. “Want a hanky, Potter, in case you start crying in Transfiguration?” “Since when have you been one of the top students in the school, Potter? Or is this a school you and Longbottom have set up together?” “Hey — Harry!” “Yeah, that’s right!” Harry found himself shouting as he wheeled around in the corridor, having had just about enough. “I’ve just been crying my eyes out over my dead mum, and I’m just off to do a bit more. . . .” “No — it was just — you dropped your quill.” It was Cho. Harry felt the color rising in his face.

(GoF, Ch19)

And so we get scenes like the above. Harry is walking around like a powder keg waiting to explode. He has been bottling his frustration and anger all his life, he comes off as chill not because he manages it well but because he hides it. He makes his voice steady and quiet because it's what he learned at the Dursleys, but it's not that the anger disappears, he holds onto all of it. That's why the worse the situation is, the worse Harry's anger is. He doesn't have the capacity to push it all down.

And this is why he occasionally starts blowing up in GoF. The more helpless and frustrated he is, the more his bottle is filled and he just can't handle it beyond a certain point.

Order of the Pheonix:

OotP is Harry at his angriest. If I wanted to copy all the qoutes from this book that show Harry's anger, I'd probably have to copy the whole book. As it is, I've hand-picked a few examples:

“SO YOU HAVEN’T BEEN IN THE MEETINGS, BIG DEAL! YOU’VE STILL BEEN HERE, HAVEN’T YOU? YOU’VE STILL BEEN TOGETHER! ME, I’VE BEEN STUCK AT THE DURSLEYS’ FOR A MONTH! AND I’VE HANDLED MORE THAN YOU TWO’VE EVER MANAGED AND DUMBLEDORE KNOWS IT — WHO SAVED THE SORCERER’S STONE? WHO GOT RID OF RIDDLE? WHO SAVED BOTH YOUR SKINS FROM THE DEMENTORS?” Every bitter and resentful thought that Harry had had in the past month was pouring out of him; his frustration at the lack of news, the hurt that they had all been together without him, his fury at being followed and not told about it: All the feelings he was half-ashamed of finally burst their boundaries. Hedwig took fright at the noise and soared off on top of the wardrobe again; Pigwidgeon twittered in alarm and zoomed even faster around their heads. “WHO HAD TO GET PAST DRAGONS AND SPHINXES AND EVERY OTHER FOUL THING LAST YEAR? WHO SAW HIM COME BACK? WHO HAD TO ESCAPE FROM HIM? ME!” [...] Harry was not sure his anger had abated yet; but his thirst for information was now overcoming his urge to keep shouting. He sank onto the bed opposite the others.

(OotP, Ch4)

There are two aspects I want to note about his anger here. Harry, as I mentioned above, even when he is mad at Ron and Hermione, he usually doesn't shout at them like this. This is Harry way past his threshold, traumatized with no idea how to handle any of the emotions he's feeling. Ron and Hermione are getting the brunt of that bottle exploding here.

And Harry has a good reason to be angry with them here, don't get me wrong. Harry usually has really good reasons to be angry. I'm just noting that he would have held back his anger if he wasn't in the worst emotional state we've seen from him up to this point. If he had the capacity in his bottle of emotions, Ron and Hermione wouldn't even know he was upset with them.

The other thing I want to bring up is the second section from the above quote. After Harry lets out a bit of the steam he's been building up for years by this point he swallows it down and caps it again because he wants information. He's still angry, he's still upset, but he holds his tongue to get information. He still doesn't feel free or capable of explaining why he's feeling what he's feeling. A lot of it isn't just anger at Ron and Hermione. It's everything. And he has no idea how to parse what he's feeling.

Like I mentioned in the past, Harry doesn't like showing weakness, he doesn't tend to act emotionally or rashly because he knows how people see it. But he isn't actually letting go of all that anger, he lets it build up:

“Harry?” said Hermione tentatively. “Well done,” said Harry, so heartily it did not sound like his voice at all, and still not looking at her. “Brilliant. Prefect. Great.” “Thanks,” said Hermione. “Erm — Harry — could I borrow Hedwig so I can tell Mum and Dad? They’ll be really pleased — I mean, prefect is something they can understand —” “Yeah, no problem,” said Harry, still in the horrible hearty voice that did not belong to him. “Take her!”

(OotP, Ch9)

And up.

He just keeps pushing his anger down. If Sirius hadn't noticed and told him that he and James weren't prefects either, Harry would've kept stewing in it. Because he wouldn't have told Ron and Hermione he was jealous because he doesn't really tell anyone shit. He just lets it build:

“Oh, shut up, the pair of you,” said Harry heavily, as Ron opened his mouth to argue back. Hermione and Ron both froze, looking angry and offended. “Can’t you give it a rest?” he said. “You’re always having a go at each other, it’s driving me mad.” And abandoning his shepherd’s pie, he swung his schoolbag back over his shoulder and left them sitting there. He walked up the marble staircase two steps at a time, past the many students hurrying toward lunch. The anger that had just flared so unexpectedly still blazed inside him, and the vision of Ron and Hermione’s shocked faces afforded him a sense of deep satisfaction. Serve them right, he thought. Why can’t they give it a rest? . . . Bickering all the time . . . It’s enough to drive anyone up the wall. . . .

(OotP, Ch12)

And keeps snapping at everyone becouse he doesn't have a handle on his emotions. He doesn't really process what he's gone through/going through and he's lashing out.

Harry's anger in OotP is the powder keg blowing. It's why he's more rash, more vocal, actually screaming at people in a way he hasn't before. It's why we see him lose control of himself in anger more than before:

Harry was not aware of releasing George, all he knew was that a second later both of them were sprinting at Malfoy. He had completely forgotten the fact that all the teachers were watching: All he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible. With no time to draw out his wand, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sank it as hard as he could into Malfoy’s stomach — “Harry! HARRY! GEORGE! NO !” He could hear girls’ voices screaming, Malfoy yelling, George swearing, a whistle blowing, and the bellowing of the crowd around him, but he did not care, not until somebody in the vicinity yelled “IMPEDIMENTA!” and only when he was knocked over backward by the force of the spell did he abandon the attempt to punch every inch of Malfoy he could reach. . . .

(OotP, Ch19)

Because he reached his limit of how much he can bottle up and he has no healthy means of letting any of it out. The D.A. helped a little as a distraction, it helped him feel less helpless, but he only just addressed the traumatic experience he had in the graveyard by talking about it when more just kept getting piled up onto him.

“Harry — no!” cried Lupin, but Harry had already ripped his arm from Lupin’s slackened grip. “SHE KILLED SIRIUS!” bellowed Harry. “SHE KILLED HIM — I’LL KILL HER!”….. [...] Hatred rose in Harry such as he had never known before. He flung himself out from behind the fountain and bellowed “Crucio!” Bellatrix screamed. The spell had knocked her off her feet, but she did not writhe and shriek with pain as Neville had — she was already on her feet again, breathless, no longer laughing. [...] “Never used an Unforgivable Curse before, have you, boy?” she yelled. She had abandoned her baby voice now. “You need to mean them, Potter! You need to really want to cause pain — to enjoy it — righteous anger won’t hurt me for long — I’ll show you how it is done, shall I? I’ll give you a lesson —”

(OotP, Ch36)

Running after Bellatrix was an impulsive decision. It's that same rage that overtook Harry to kick Crokshanks and try to kill Sirius. It's that seeing red sort of rage that encompasses everything. Grief overflowing Harry's emotional bottle and all he knows how to react with — is anger.

Harry, as I mentioned in the past, doesn't cry in front of others. He doesn't let himself. and the emotions gotta get out somehow. For Harry, that somehow is anger.

Half-Blood Prince:

After Sirius' death, Harry is much rawer. He basically starts this book beyond his threshold.

“If there’s anyone else here who’s not from Gryffindor,” roared Harry, who was starting to get seriously annoyed, “leave now, please!”

(HBP, Ch11)

So he gets annoyed more easily. He lashes out and shouts more often. He tries to physically attack more often too:

“Another ten points from Gryffindor,” said Snape. “I would expect nothing more sophisticated from you, Ronald Weasley, the boy so solid he cannot Apparate half an inch across a room.” “No!” whispered Hermione, grabbing Harry’s arm as he opened his mouth furiously. “There’s no point, you’ll just end up in detention again, leave it!”

(HBP, Ch21)

Something he didn't do up until OotP and even then rarely. Harry is hot-headed not because he's easy to anger (again, his capacity for bottling up is impressive if he just seriously started lashing out in GoF), most of his grievances are reasonable, he's hot-headed becouse he's suffering and has no idea how to handle it.

“Just now!” said Harry, who was refraining from yelling with enormous difficulty. And then, suddenly, he could not stop himself. “AND YOU LET HIM TEACH HERE AND HE TOLD VOLDEMORT TO GO AFTER MY MUM AND DAD!” Breathing hard as though he was fighting, Harry turned away from Dumbledore, who still had not moved a muscle, and paced up and down the study, rubbing his knuckles in his hand and exercising every last bit of restraint to prevent himself knocking things over. He wanted to rage and storm at Dumbledore, but he also wanted to go with him to try and destroy the Horcrux; he wanted to tell him that he was a foolish old man for trusting Snape, but he was terrified that Dumbledore would not take him along unless he mastered his anger. ... “Harry,” said Dumbledore quietly. “Please listen to me.”

(HBP, Ch25)

Again, he snaps and shouts way more than before. And he knows he shouldn't, he knows it comes off bad and people take him less seriously when he's angry and lashing out, but he can't help it as much since he still hasn't started letting go. He's still at his threshold all throughout HBP.

It's why we see him react the way he does after Snape kills Dumbledore, too. He was so angry all year. Since Sirius died, he's been running on fumes. The keg already blew in fifth year, and it didn't help him at all while he's barely holding himself together (but no one else sees this). And then, he had more pushed onto him after he already had less than zero capacity to deal with things.

Deathly Hallows:

Much of the anger we see from Harry in this book is due to either the locket or the Horcrux in him, but I'm not counting that sort of anger. I want to focus on Harry's anger.

The grief that had possessed him since Dumbledore’s death felt different now. The accusations he had heard from Muriel at the wedding seemed to have nested in his brain like diseased things, infecting his memories of the wizard he had idolized. Could Dumbledore have let such things happen? Had he been like Dudley, content to watch neglect and abuse as long as it did not affect him? Could he have turned his back on a sister who was being imprisoned and hidden? Harry thought of Godric’s Hollow, of graves Dumbledore had never mentioned there; he thought of mysterious objects left without explanation in Dumbledore’s will, and resentment swelled in the darkness. Why hadn’t Dumbledore told him? Why hadn’t he explained? Had Dumbledore actually cared about Harry at all? Or had Harry been nothing more than a tool to be polished and honed, but not trusted, never confided in? Harry could not stand lying there with nothing but bitter thoughts for company. Desperate for something to do, for distraction, he slipped out of his sleeping bag, picked up his wand, and crept out of the room.

(DH, Ch10)

Harry's feelings of grief over Dumbledore are interwind with betrayal, helplessness, and feeling lost in general, and he feels all of it as anger. As I mentioned above, anger is Harry's go-to emotion when he's grieving, when he's in pain, when he feels too much and has no idea what to do with any of it — it lands him in anger.

It's a big part of why he reads as so angry with Dumbledore throughout the book. He has complicated feelings about the man, feelings he has no idea how to even start to unpack, so he feels angry.

In DH too, we see him more easily agitated than in the first 4 books. Harry is way past his limit in this book, but he tries so hard not to show it. To keep that lid on (nevermind that it exploded two years ago).

“I’d never have believed this,” Harry said. “The man who taught me to fight dementors—a coward.” Lupin drew his wand so fast that Harry had barely reached for his own; there was a loud bang and he felt himself flying backward as if punched; as he slammed into the kitchen wall and slid to the floor, he glimpsed the tail of Lupin’s cloak disappearing around the door. “Remus, Remus, come back!” Hermione cried, but Lupin did not respond. A moment later they heard the front door slam. “Harry!” wailed Hermione. “How could you?” “It was easy,” said Harry. He stood up; he could feel a lump swelling where his head had hit the wall. He was still so full of anger he was shaking. “Don’t look at me like that!” he snapped at Hermione. “Don’t you start on her!” snarked Ron. “No—no—we mustn’t fight!” said Hermione, launching herself between them.

(DH, Ch11)

He's shaking from anger. His voice is calm and quiet like his usual response for hiding his anger, but he can't fully hide it. His body gives him away becouse he feels so much of it.

Harry was 100% right to call Lupin out, but I think the ruler way he did it was because he's suffering. He's in emotional turmoil, and twisting his words like a knife, in a way he knew would hurt Lupin, made him feel a little better. It let him take some of that anger out. It is a form of lashing out.

Him snapping at Hermione after and being ready to fist fight Ron is an extension of this lashing out. Harry, when at his limit, lashes out in anger becouse it's all he really knows how.

(He needs a better grieving method. He needs a fucking hug and for someone to tell him he's allowed to cry. He needs a good cry. I think it's why he's calmer after going to Godric's Hallow. He cried a little, grieved his parents, truly, for the first time in his life, and it helped him let some of his pain out in a healthier way)

“It’s not a case of what you’ll permit, Minerva McGonagall. You time’s over. It’s us what’s in charge here now, and you’ll back me up or you’ll pay the price.” And he spat in her face. Harry pulled the Cloak off himself, raised his wand, and said, “You shouldn’t have done that.” As Amycus spun around, Harry shouted, “Crucio!” The Death Eater was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain, and then, with a crunch and a shattering of glass, he smashed into the front of a bookcase and crumpled, insensible, to the floor. “I see what Bellatrix meant,” said Harry, the blood thundering through his brain, “you need to really mean it.”

(DH, Ch30)

Still, things just keep getting added onto his plate. How I see Harry's anger is why I don't think the above scene is out of character for him. His anger fueling the curse isn't just about Amycus spiting at McGonagall. It's about how they tortured Neville, Ginny, and Luna. About his year on the run. About Dobby's death. About him being forced into a position he feels he wants ready for and has no idea what to do. This is years of feeling angry and helpless coming to ahead.

Amycus didn't suffer just for that one crime of his. Spitting on McGonagall just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

To Summerise:

Harry isn't really good at managing his anger, or any other emotion really. He bottles it all up. His frustration, fear, grief, anger, helplessness, and pain all go together into Harry's little box of feelings so he can do whatever he needs to do and appear calm and quiet. It's why we see Harry fuming and boiling with rage inside his head while he's externally calm and cold and composed.

This lid he keeps on everything starts breaking as the emotions keep getting bottled up and he keeps not really processing them. So in GoF Harry is teetering on his very impressive threshold and then, after the graveyard, he breaks.

He suffered so much all at once and then was left alone to stew at the Dursleys for a whole month, suffering from nightmares and having no idea how to process any of what he's been through. Of course, he fucking breaks in OotP.

And when Harry breaks, all these emotions he kept down come out as anger. The reason he reacts so dramatically to smaller offenses post-OotP isn't that he's easy to anger, he really isn't. It's just that he has accumulated pain and grief from 14 years of trauma and abuse that are just now being let out in the form of Harry angrily lashing out.

So, I wouldn't say his anger management is amazing, but his problem isn't really the anger itself, it's emotional regulation in general. He needs to learn to deal with his emotions instead of bottling them up. If he does, he probably won't have any issues with anger management and would just sass his way through life.

[generational-atrophy]

OMG! I WAS LOOKING THROUGH UR BLOG CUZ MY HETALIA PHASE IS BACK AND WAS LIKE "I LOVE THIS WRITER SM WHERE ARE THEY" AND BOOM!

So request, if that's okay, the main 8 with a reader who cries during confrontations and or arguments. An imagine where ofc the main 8 says something hurtful and reader just covers their ears because 1.) Ears do be sensitive and 2.) It causes them to shut down completely

Can we know how they'd handle it plus how it'd go? Ty 💜

hetalia main 8 saying something they regret in an argument

2.8k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: they say hurtful things, and are kind of assholes in general lol

America - Alfred F. Jones

“I’m better than this. Why’d I keep someone as seriously uncool as you around?!”

Even as you immediately begin turning away from him, curling into yourself for comfort, Alfred would be less than sympathetic. If you’d ever doubted how self-centred he could be, this was more than enough evidence to prove it.

“What? What- just- don’t do that! You’re the one who started this!”

It’s unlikely he’d let up even after the tears start. He’s really that callous when he feels hurt. After a few tense minutes of silence broken only by your quiet whimpering, he’d start tearing up too. Not from guilt, seeing how much he hurt you. But instead from how he’s only now realizing he has to put his own feelings aside to take care of yours.

He’d approach you like a rabid animal, a lump stuck in his throat as he tries to say anything to get you talking again.

“Listen, it’s uh- not that serious. I’m sorry, ok? Let’s just… like- do something else?”

His comforting consists mostly of trying to get you out of your own head. Once it’s been long enough that you’re less scared, he’d take your hands away from your ears gently and kiss your cheek. If you’re sensitive to other things, he’d wrap his jacket around your shoulders and turn off the lights until you’re up and talking again.

“See? Not that hard, just like I said. Good job, babe…  let’s just keep going like this, yeah?”

Somewhere, past all of the self-absorption and pride, he does have a heart. And that heart will immediately take you out to get ice cream. It’d take him a while to admit fault (and I mean real responsibility, not just his usual “sorry not sorry, move on,” schtick,) but maybe once your tear stains have dried, he’d realize what an ass he’d been.

England - Arthur Kirkland

“G*d, you’re pissing me off already! Just- fuck- get out of here if you hate us so much!”

Like usual. He’s desperate to just leave as soon as there’s conflict. It may be annoying, but at least he’s only doing it because he knows how awful he is when frustrated. 

If you don’t take up his offer to abandon the conversation, he will. You’d have to be seriously struggling to keep him with you in that moment.

“Trust me, everything will be much, much worse if I stay…”

He’s always acting like that. It’s like his conscience disappears when he speaks, but only returns when he’s already said the hurtful thing. Never taking responsibility, always panicking and leaving just as your tears start to fall.

But, the more you tell him how much that hurts, the more he might be willing to stay.

It’ll take him a while to be able to choke out a cowardly “sorry,” but at least he’ll stop trying to push you away at every occasion.

“Wait- don’t cry so much love, I’m- I… I didn’t mean it. Ok? Is that better?”

It’s impossible for him to keep arguing once you’re truly upset. Instead, he’ll take you by the hand to the kitchen so he can start making tea for the two of you. In that silence, he encourages you to speak whatever awful thoughts you’re repeating to yourself. He’s just trying to get you in a comfortable environment again at that point.

Quiet affirmations are the only things he’ll bring, looking at you sympathetically and still holding your hand tight while you talk about whatever you want to. Whether that be something completely random, insults towards him, or actual constructive discussion is up to you.

At the end of the night, he’ll apologize. Not well, mind you, but enough to dissuade you from whatever hurt you earlier. All that matters to him is that you don’t go to bed upset.

“I’ll do better next time… or- I mean- I’ll do my best to… not be like that… again. Promise.”

France - Francois Bonnefoy

“But is it that impossible for you to put in some effort? It’s just… embarrassing to be with you right now!”

He’s always been a fighter for sport. When he argues with you, it’s not to prove a point. It’s probably not about anything he actually cares about either. He honestly just does it for fun. To him, arguing is how you really get to know someone.

So when you take his words to heart and, in the worst case, start crying, he just really doesn’t know what to do.

“Merde, darling, you know I wasn’t being serious! Come on now, don’t take it so personally…”

He may grumble about how he didn’t want you to get so upset, but at least he’ll still calm down and quit pushing you. Whatever tension there was before will dissipate as soon as he sighs, making his way over to you and wrapping you in his embrace. Unless that makes you even more uncomfortable, in which case he’ll just grab your favourite blanket and gently drape it over your shoulders.

“I am so sorry I made you so upset, I really didn’t mean it. You’re wonderful to me, always so stunning!”

For as long as you need him to, he’ll apologize over and over again, playing with your hair and wiping away your tears as delicately as he can manage. He may be just as upset as you are when he realizes what he did, but he’s shockingly good at compartmentalizing that when you need support.

But, if you focus too much on how he hurt you, he might start crying too. He can’t help it. Ignore him.

Either way, he’s there to hold you and validate you in whatever you might be feeling at that moment. Be as irrational as you need to be,  he understands the urge well. And either way, he’ll just nod along to anything you say and insist it’s everyone else's fault. Including his, unlike basically every other man.

“How can you expect to survive when you hold all of this in? Please, always come to me even with small things, we share everything as lovers, yes? I cannot bear to see you as upset as this…”

China - Yao Wang

“Can’t you act your age? How do you expect anyone to put up with you like this?!”

As soon he says it, he knows that was an awful thing to say. He doesn’t need you to tell him, he can tell just by your expression that it was too far. You didn’t deserve that, he told himself.

But that doesn’t mean his ego is gonna let him give in so easily. Even if he was an ass, he still can’t let himself give up “authority” in a fight.

“Agh- that’s not… its not what I mean to say, alright?! So just… pretend I did not….”

If you quit fighting, instead becoming more upset, he’ll really struggle to calm down instead. Like, yes, he knows he should be trying to make you feel better, but that’s- he just doesn’t want to! He entered this fight with a purpose, and just because you’re crying doesn’t make that purpose any less important!

“Why won’t you argue back?! Aiyah, I knew you were childish but-”

Then he cuts himself off. Does he want to be the bigger person and apologize? No. But will he do it if you stop crying? Yes.

He’ll rest a hand on your arm and suggest in the gentlest voice possible that the two of you should go for a walk. Maybe the fresh air will help both of you clear your heads. He doesn’t know what must’ve happened to him to make him say all of those things either.

“I don’t think those thoughts, tiánxīn. I’m sorry I said it, I was upset but… I still should have known better.”

For as quickly as he’s willing to take responsibility, he’s not as much good at the “getting you out of breakdown” stage. Hopefully, you’ve already communicated with him about that so he knows to stop being so loud and trying to touch you. He’ll do whatever you request of him, but what’s best for you in that moment is probably not his first instinct.

“I’m sorry I was being such a huge ass. I love you, I promise.”

Russia - Ivan Braginsky

“You think you are special? I can beat sense into you just like I can them!”

Good luck getting him to understand that you can’t just threaten people within the next few hours. It will not work. When he’s angry, he really doesn’t care about feelings. Just about getting you to cooperate with whatever he says.

He may usually think of both of you as equals, but when you start seriously challenging his authority while he’s in a bad mood, it’s impossible for him to not be cruel. It’s always just better to leave than let him spiral and hurt both of you in the process

Although, he (obviously) would never actually put his hands on you. He just acts like a big baby and’ll stomp his feet and tell you whatever will get the most reaction out of you.

“Любимый, won’t you come out? I’m very sorry, I promise… can’t we just talk?”

But if you do remove yourself from the situation, he would never chase after you and force you to keep being in that awful environment. He knows better than that at least.

The moment you turn away and refuse to engage with his childishness, he’s already planning how to get you to forgive him. For as callous as it seems, your disapproval hurts him more than anything else. He would come to you on his knees, snivelling and pleading,  if that was what he had to do just for you to look at him again

The moment you let him in though, he just rushes over and captures you in his arms. He would dry your tears as gently as he could, treating you like you were made of glass.

“Куколка, куколка, you know I never mean any of that, right? I’m sorry, sorry, please- please, forgive me? If I kiss it better, will you forgive me, любимый?”

He’s so pathetic. Ask anything of him in this state and he’ll do it without hesitation. Unless it’s staying away physically. He’ll be quiet and let you ignore him but don’t try to push him away or he’ll get whiney. If you stress that it isn’t personal enough, maybe he’ll let it go though.

North Italy - Feliciano Vargas

“Why aren’t I good enough? You always abandon me, like-  like I’m nothing! Why do you hate me!?”

The moment either of you pick a fight, he’s already sobbing. Sure, he can argue with his brother for hours, but you matter to him in a much more vulnerable way. If you’re at all upset with him, he instantly feels like you don’t like him any more.

But when he feels attacked, he attacks just as much. In his subconscious, it’s always easier to push you away than have you abandon him yourself. That doesn’t result in very productive conversations, though.

“You’re just pretending you love me! You’re a liar, I- I know it!”

When you start crying along with him from all the awful things he’s said, two things can happen.

One, he cries harder, interpreting your hurt feelings as being an admittance to what he accused you of. Why would you be crying if it wasn’t from guilt, and why’d he say that when he so dreaded it being true?!

Or two, you’ll tell him about how truly terrible it feels to have him think those things about you, and he’ll snap out of it. His overwhelming emotions make him incredibly selfish at the moment, so he truly hadn’t considered how you felt from all of that.

Then he immediately lowers his voice, giving you plenty of space until you feel up to talking again. 

“Oh… I’m sorry! I didn’t- you wouldn’t do that! I know that, you know that, so just- I’m sorry! Please, forgive me, amore mio dolce!”

He pulls you into a hug immediately, keeping the two of you as close as physically possible as he whispers promise after promise of his love. Until your tears dry, he won’t stop strangling you with unabashed affection, doing anything he can just to get you smiling again.

The feeling of guilt is not something he’s used to. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that he’ll start crying again too.

“If I ever make you feel bad again, please shut me up, please! I can’t take the thought of you so hurt by my words!”

Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt

“My word should be more than enough for you to shut up already!”

It’s exceedingly rare that he ever loses his temper around you like that. Normally, you’re the one thing that can always calm him down. Just looking at your face makes his chest fill with butterflies, drowning out whatever dark thoughts he’s having.

So, needless to say, he immediately regrets snapping at you. Immediately.

“Wait, no- no, I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t mean to. It’s not true, just- just stupid, I’m sorry, liebling…”

Whatever you two were arguing about is instantly forgotten as he rushes over to you and takes your face in his hands. It just breaks his heart to see you hurt, much more at his own actions. You don’t have to worry about him taking responsibility, he would never try to dodge the guilt of making you cry.

It’s not the first time he’s lost control, and he knows it’s his fault. But maybe if he takes you in his arms gently enough, rocking you back and forth as you cry into his shoulder, it’ll make it a little easier for you.

But if you just need a silent moment to yourself, that’s perfectly fine too. He’s autistic, so he certainly understands the feeling and will happily provide you with whatever comforting items you request.

“I’m sorry… you didn’t deserve what I said. I love you, please tell me you know that…”

Even if you pretend you weren’t that upset by it, Ludwig wouldn’t let it go like that. If he gets to his breaking point like that, whatever fight you were having is put aside for the night. Now all that matters to him is that the two of you make up and get back into how things were before as soon as possible.

Expect him to be beating himself up for a while though. He just wants you to know how sorry he is, how much he regrets snapping at you, even if it does seem a bit excessive. But he’s just had too many people he cared about leave to not make a whole thing out of it.

Japan - Kiku Honda

“Don’t you have any sense of personal space? You are like- choking me with all of… you! I can’t stand it!”

He’s a logical man. That’s one thing he always tells himself. Never, not even when he’s emotional, does he say things he doesn’t mean. Was the way he said it less than perfect? Yes, of course, he can’t believe he had just acted so impolitely, especially to someone who he cares so much for. But he still… meant what he said.

But, for the first time, as he watches your face break slowly, he’s not so sure of himself. Whether he meant it or not seems suddenly so inconsequential compared to the thought of hurting you. He… upset you? That wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Ah- why are you crying? What is wrong? You… you- it will be… alright, you know? You are ok!”

Wait- no, don’t cry more from that! He has absolutely no idea how to comfort you, but if he really has to, he’ll do his best. Although it’s a little difficult for him to resist drawing your hands away from your ears, he’ll do his best to just let you have your process (no matter what that means for you.)

Before you can even hear him coming closer, you’re suddenly drawn into an intimate hug. His hand drawing your head underneath his and kissing the crown of your head so lovingly, it's almost like another person possessed him as he turns so soft just at the sight of your tears

Would his pride usually reject this? Yes, but, it’s certainly not the first time he’s had to put that aside for you.

He’ll sputter generic apologies, purposefully hiding his grimace as he forces himself to forget about whatever you two were arguing about before. Well, at least for now. Most likely he’ll bring it up not long after, but in a much more… non-confrontational way.

“Let us go do something else instead, hm? You’ll only get more upset like this, and I want that as little as you want it.”

On one hand, he’s a little annoyed he had to put aside his own gripes to calm you down. But on the other hand, he hates conflict. Anything that gets you guys back to normal is worth it, especially if otherwise you’ll be crying in his arms. That’s his absolute nightmare.

[darylsdelts]

DARYL DIXON HEADCANNONS

(Very) random personal headcannons, how I view Daryl, your opinion may be different.

(mdni, nsfw, 18+)

So socially awkward (obviously)

Will let you use tweezers on his monobrow but only if you swear not to tell a single soul.

He likes to lay his head in your lap and have you gently trace his eyebrows with your finger tips, it makes him so sleepy.

Mostly enjoyed dad rock before the outbreak but would never admit to liking lady gaga.

He’s super uncomfortable with PDA, the most he’ll do in public is rub your shoulders or ruffle your hair. If you kiss him in front of others and they see, it actually kinda upsets him since he would’ve told you he doesn’t like it, he saves that part of himself for only you and only in private.

That being said, in your own home he can be sort of clingy but not in a needy way, more of a “I don’t want you out of my sight” way.

He’s more touchy and affectionate in private, hugs from behind, squeezing your hips.

He knows you well enough that if you sit between his legs on the floor whilst he’s on the couch it means you want your hair played with, and he will do it without you having to ask and won’t stop until you ask him to.

He gets grumpy about the fact that dog always chooses you over him for cuddles on the couch or in bed.

He doesn’t mind having his shirt off in front of you, it’s not his favourite thing but he appreciates that you make no big fuss about it considering you know the reasons why he hasn’t always been comfortable with doing that.

❤️‍🔥Contrary to popular belief, he’s not very dominant at all, he’s either vanilla and will take the lead sometimes but not in a very dominating way or he’s submissive, that’s it.

❤️‍🔥there have been a few times when the word “mommy” has slipped out when he’s super stimulated and kind of out of it.

❤️‍🔥he likes overstimulation.

He’s often the most submissive when he’s had a hard day or he’s tired, and this doesn’t have to mean in a sexual way, he’s just a very soft and gentle man with you and you only.

However, although he’s not a very sexual person in general, a man has his needs.

❤️‍🔥He wants to initiate things but he’s never really sure how and is afraid of making you feel like you have to do anything, sometimes he’ll get hard just by looking at you and he’ll try to cross his legs to hide it but will scoot closer to trace his fingers on your thigh, you understand that him doing that means he’s in the mood.

❤️‍🔥you’re really his first experience of having a partner so he’s learnt everything from you, your first time with him he got so worked up that you didn’t even manage to get him out of his pants before he accidentally finished but you don’t ever bring it up, you know he felt guilty but you assured him it was perfectly okay.

❤️‍🔥that doesn’t happen anymore but the man does tend to get sexually frustrated since the apocalypse doesn’t leave much time for self indulgence, sometimes he’ll come home from a run, straining in his jeans. These are the times when you can tell he’s eager because he gets all messy, hands roaming over your body and he’s so breathless, you tell him you’re gonna take care of him and you do.

❤️‍🔥sometimes Daryl will leave love bites on you, he tries to do it in places people won’t see but sometimes people do see and he tries to play it cool every time when people ask him if he put them there. “Put what where?” “Mind ya damn business” “s’just s bruise”.

One time you told him he was a dilf and he was DISTRAUGHT. “I’m a what?!” “Ain’t a dad, girl!” “The fuck is a daddy kink?”

And no he’s not into the whole daddy kink.

❤️‍🔥he prides himself on how good he is a using his mouth and fingers on you, he once got you off in just over a minute and he’s striving to bear his record. (HAHHAAH)

We all know he’s got daddy issues but his mommy issues are strong.

He likes how maternal you can sometimes be in the relationship, for example if he’s sick or hurt you tend to treat him like he’s younger without even meaning to, he pretends he doesn’t like it but you both know he does.

Daryl used to get panic attacks sometimes before the outbreak, more often when he was younger and in school but he’d sometimes get them randomly when out and about with Merle. Merle was hard minded but he knew how to calm Daryl down and make sure he was alright. Merle was a good brother.

The panic attacks came as a result from all the stress he got from his father and losing his mother as a child and pretty much just not having a stable life.

He rarely got them after the outbreak, in a way the new world was a blessing in disguise for Daryl as he became his own person.

But he’s still get them sometimes, usually there was no particular reason for them but stress and a build up of emotions that he holds in too much. You’ve come to learn that when these happen there’s no telling what he needs, sometimes he needs help calming down and other times he just needs to be left alone.

He doesn’t talk about his feeling with people but he knows that you much prefer to talk things through and you want to know how he’s doing so he tries to tell you when he’s not feeling good but he always waits until he can’t keep it in anymore.

This results in him crying in front of you which he hates but you’re so good at comforting him, he lets you hold him and he hide his face in your shoulder.

He’ll pretend nothing happened once he’s okay.

❤️‍🔥he likes his dick sucked. That’s it. He’s not too vocal during sex, maybe a few grunts but when you suck him off that’s when he whimpers and moans although he’s still quiet. He’s just a quiet guy.

❤️‍🔥his dick twitches when you tease him, you tease him under the table sometimes and it gets him all leaky in his pants and he has to hide the small damp spot when he stand up. He tries to grab your hand to stop you under the table and leans his head in his other hand to cover his mouth a bit to try to keep his breath steady.

❤️‍🔥teasing him under the table is a common occurrence, he loves it, the fact that people are around but can’t see and he has to keep quiet, one time you made him cum at dinner and his eyes got a bit glossy causing Rick to ask if he was okay, he just cleared his throat and grunted out a “yes”.

he talks very fondly of his brother Merle and his mother even if she wasn’t the best, he rarely talks about his father for obvious reasons.

Such a mommas boy.

He calls you “sweetheart” and “Darlin’”

He giggles around you instead of just scoffing.

Lmk if I should do more!! Idk if these are good or not but it’s how I see him❤️❤️

[theseinfernalangels]

The Haunting Ordeal of Rosarie Fuentes — Liam Mairi

Synopsis: Today is the anniversary of the day Rosarie Fuentes’ parents were killed in action by General Melgren. When the past comes back to haunt her, she finds solace in an unexpected visitor.

Includes: New OC, some made up spiritual stuff and places because we don’t know many regions in Navarre, angst, the role model/big brother Liam we didn’t get to see for Day 6 of Liam Week 🥹 

November 13th. Generally, I try to avoid people on this day due to its significance, which means that I have not been to any of my classes today. I told one of my squadmates that I’m sick, but I’m not quite sure he —or anyone else, for that matter — believed me.

Everyone knows what happened today. Even if I went out, they’d avoid me either out of hatred or for fear of me tearing them all apart.

“I still do not see how this benefits you.” Taibh’s quiet, husky voice echoes through my mind like an aching lullaby. “Does isolation not make your pain worse?”

“No,” I huff, lowering my head back into my history textbook, right on the page of a fierce Tyrrish queen. “One of two things would happen if I saw people today. They’d either pity me or taunt me, and I don’t need any of that.”  

“Fools,” the dragon growls, shooting waves of frustration down our bond. “A rider like you does not need pity.”

I unconsciously nod my head in agreement. I am Rosarie Fuentes, daughter of Isidor and Gwenael Fuentes. They are Tyrrish legends. Their names alone mean that people should respect me…But they don’t, because their names are those of fallen traitors now. 

Traitors? Please. The real traitors are the ones who decided that the Apostasy was something worth killing people for instead of something to be celebrated. 

I stare down at the textbook before I flip it shut, resisting the urge to put a knife through it. Through anything, really — it would take the edge off quick, but if I started with that, I don’t know how I could stop. And, with the way my aim has been lately, I’d probably break a window. I can’t be a traitor and commit property damage. 

I end up just pacing back and forth in my bedroom, angrily muttering to myself with quiet commentary from Taibh. Despite it being — what, seven years? — since my parents fell in battle together, I still get overemotional about it all. Not like when it originally happened, but it’s enough to be unsettling to anyone who sees, because I don’t get emotional. Ever. It’s odd, to me, because it’s not like I don’t spend every other moment of my time thinking about them. I should be over it by now…But I guess I’m too weak for that.

“It does not make you weak to grieve,” Taibh interjects. He’s silent for another moment before he continues, “Would you like to know something about me, Little Thorn?”

“Sure,” I reply. “Shoot.”

“Two decades or so ago, I lost my dearest brother against a drift of gryphons.”

I pause. Taibh has — had — a brother? It strikes me that I’ve never thought about Taibh as anything more than my dragon — half of my soul, ready for action. It certainly never occurred to me that he has a family, too…Probably because I never shut up about losing mine.

“Oh,” I manage, feeling a bit guilty. “I’m sorry, Taibh. I didn’t know.”

“No,” he amends. “You’re alright. What I am trying to say is that grief does not leave just because time has passed. You are allowed to be upset about your family just as I am mine. I think about Titeciúnaigh every day. Does it not irritate you?”

Ah. So that’s the wave of sadness I feel from him every time he lets his shields down a little too much — cold, aching sorrow that chills me from the bones outward. It comes and goes, but it’s easily distinguishable from my own, which is burning, venomous, and all-consuming.

“No,” I reply. “Of course not. I hardly even notice it sometimes. When I do, it’s mostly physically uncomfortable.”

“Precisely.” The dragon snorts. “And it does not bother me or anyone else that you miss your parents. No more apologies.”

It’s nothing short of an order, so I concede and resume my pacing. Despite my exhaustion, that sinking feeling in my chest doesn’t cease once. Perhaps it’s the rawness of the day, or maybe it’s because I always have this feeling that something is going terribly wrong. Or, it could be that no one has deigned to ask how I am today — but that’s my own fault for locking my door and not speaking to anyone. I’m not very up for a conversation, but the fact that no one has even tried to talk to me kind of…stings?

That makes no sense. I can’t expect anyone to communicate when the only thing I’ve conveyed to my squad is that I want to be left alone. I’m too used to being in Antara with my foster siblings, who took care of me a little too well whenever the sadness became too much to bear. I’ve hardly even tried to forge that kind of relationship with anyone here, besides Taibh. — not even with the other Tyrs my age, which I would probably benefit from considering our circumstances right now. But I don’t need help like them. I can already fight and hold my own just fine. It’s not fair to ask anything of them when I haven’t given anything myself.

 My steps falter a little as I near the window by my bed, the setting sun casting arcs of red and orange through the Moranian sky. My nails scratch at the stone wall absentmindedly. Is this what they saw as they fell, my parents? Free-falling from the backs of their slaughtered dragons, tumbling through the air together whilst Navarrian soldiers watched with glee? The thought makes me so sick to my stomach that I have to grip the wall, hard, to force the rising bile in my throat back down. I take in a shaky breath and slowly lower myself to the ground, just like the Earl of Antara taught me, and tuck my head between my knees.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Hold. Try not to choke. Out.

“Easy, now,” Taibh soothes. “You are okay, Little Thorn. Keep breathing.” A well-meaning surge of warmth floods the bond, but it doesn’t do much to quell this feeling of nausea that continues to eat at me.

“Fuck,” I whisper. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this, Taibh. You need a rider who can actually keep her shit together and not get triggered because of something as small as a sunset.”

“Why do you question my choice in a rider?” He asks, his tone growing firm but keeping that softness to it, quite uncharacteristic for a Red. “I chose you for a reason, you know. Your reaction to traumatic events have nothing to do with it.”

“It’s just—“ I take deep breath in and feel my jaw clench, ignoring that familiar sting in my waterline. “I feel so alone now. Mom is gone. Dad is gone. They executed Charlotte. None of my foster siblings are here. I’m…Dammit.” A stray tear streaks down my cheekbone. “I’ve lost everyone that’s ever been important to me. Lonely doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

I pause for a moment, my breaths shaky and uneven. “And maybe that’s stupid, because I don’t make much effort to train with anyone else who’s marked, but I can’t just make myself get close to someone again. Everyone I care about leaves me, and I have to pick up the pieces every. Single. Time. It’s not fair.”

Taibh is silent for a moment, and for those few seconds, I have the agonizing thought that he thinks my feelings are pathetic and decided to leave. When I hear his voice pick up, though, my heart leaps in relief.

“Well,” the dragon starts, going slowly like he doesn’t quite know what to say. “There is one thing for certain: You are most certainly not alone, as long as you have me. Which is forever, by the way. Even if the world around us turns to rubble, you and I will not be separated.”

I nod along with the sentiment, but I don’t have the heart to say what I’m actually thinking: It’s not the same. Sure, Taibh and me have that ruby red bond between us, glowing and ethereal and strange, but that’s not the same as a friend or a sibling. I miss sneaking around at midnight to climb onto my parents’ roof. I miss going swimming in that stupid little creek that has ice-cold water in my backyard. I miss praying to Dunne for extra power to my parents when they went out on mission.

Dammit, I miss my sister.

Slowly, I feel Taibh creep out of my mind, his meaning unspoken but clear — he’s giving me some privacy to sort things out. I silently thank him and bury my head in my tingling arms, letting my sorrow wash over me in continuous, ferocious waves. That sinking feeling becomes bottomless, dragging me into the depths of my pain with nothing to anchor me to the surface. It’s killing me, I realize — this isolation I’ve set myself into. What I thought would protect me is the thing that weighs me down further, and I’m not sure how much of it I can take any longer.

It surges through me, this feeling, flooding my veins and screaming a single word: Alone, alone, alone. I’ve never thought about it so intensely, but at Basgiath, where people try their best to kill people like me for some form of sick closure, I am truly, utterly lonely. I like my solitude, but not…whatever this is. 

Charlotte would know what to do; she made it through the quadrant with flying colors. She was one of the most ferocious riders, even when they had her on her knees and lit ablaze. She didn’t scream, didn’t cry — she didn’t even make a noise. How does one even do that?

I need her. I need advice. I need someone to talk to, someone who actually knows what the fuck they’re doing in this godsforsaken place. I can’t cry in my room until my fingers flood with pins and needles forever. That won’t fix shit in the end — and to assume that it will would be like reading my own name off the death roll.

“Shut the fuck up,” I scold myself softly. “Get ahold of yourself. Crying won’t bring them back, and it won’t fix you.”

“No, but you have to admit it’s quite therapeutic,” a voice says, soft but sure in tone.

…Huh?

 I frown and glance at the Taibh’s and I’s bond — still there, obviously, but the light doesn’t pulse the way it normally does when either of us speak.

What the fuck? “Taibh?”

“I never liked to cry much in front of others, either,” it continues, “but you have to let it all out eventually, or you’ll go fucking crazy.”

That voice…It’s not inside my brain. That’s not Taibh. My head raises, but there’s no one here with me—

Until my eyes catch icy blue ones, and my heart stops.

“Shit!” I yelp, palming a dagger and hurling it at the source of the voice while I fling myself to my feet, ready to draw blood. I know my blade lands true, right where it should sink into the invader’s chest, but instead of flesh, I hear it stick in the wood of my bed frame with a dull thunk.

 I whip my head around and stare at the boy who should be dead, who in turn stares at my bed looking almost…impressed. “Awesome aim,” he compliments, turning to me, “but  that’s not going to help you here, I’m afraid.”

I’m hallucinating. I must be. No one could have gotten in here without me or Taibh noticing, and this guy is barely even visible. His form, tall and broad and leather-clad, flickers slightly at the edges, as if he was suspended in a dying candlelight — except for the outline of his left arm, which looks more solid than the rest of him. The blade went through him, so he’s not real. Easy. Factual. Done. I’m hallucinating because of my grief, and I should probably get some sleep before I go even madder.

Noticing my disbelief, he just smiles gently. “I’ve been waiting for someone to see me,” he murmurs, taking in my tense stance. “I guess you’re the lucky one of the bunch, huh?”

“Not real,” I say under my breath, digging my nails into my palms, which feel strangely heavy. “Hallucination. Calm down, Fuentes. Calm the fuck down.”

His eyes, so blue that they could practically be a piece of the sky, soften a little. “Hey.” He takes a step closer and then pauses when my hand flies to my hip for a second dagger. “Breathe. You can’t hurt me, and I won’t hurt you. That’s not why I’m here.”

He tilts his head to study me, a not-quite-there blond curl falling in his eyes. “You must think I’m some sort of illusion, right?” He says, slightly teasing. “Because I can promise you that I’m not.”

Exactly what a hallucination would say. Maybe I should finally go outside and dunk my face in some ice water.

My lack of a reply doesn’t go unnoticed. His bright smile turns a bit melancholy at the edges. “You’re the one who summoned me here, you know. You said you needed to talk to someone. I heard you.”

Nope. Fucking nope. I reach out and tug hard on the bond. “Taibh?” I think desperately. “Please help me. I think I’m going insane.”

A wave of soothing calm washes over me from the opposite edge of the red string, but what Taibh says makes my heart rate pick up right where it left off.

“You are not insane, Little Thorn,” he says, his voice laced with…pride? “You’ve finally manifested your signet, I see.”

“Manifested myself seeing things? That’s kind of a shitty power.”

“No,” he replies, ever patient. “You’re not seeing things. You, my chosen, have been blessed by Malek. You are a medium.”

“Fucking what?” I can’t stop the words from leaving me. “What do you mean, a medium?”

The boy brightens a little, his eyes sharpening in understanding. “Ah.” He nods. “So that’show you can see me.”

A medium? Those are only scammers who pretend that they can contact your dead family for the price of fifty krown. Unless…

“Oh.” 

I glance back over at the boy. The way he just showed up in here out of nowhere, combined with the fact that he’s present but visually not quite here…

“Are you…”

“Dead?” He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. “Yes.”

Assuming I’m not losing my mind here, I’m speaking to a dead person. Who’s in turn speaking to me. I think I need to sit down, or my brain might go into overload.

“Okay.” I breathe in, deep and slow, and then exhale. “Okay. I think…okay. I — uh...” I start fiddling with my fingers awkwardly. “Sorry? For trying to stab you?”

He shakes his head. “No worries. I would’ve done it, too. I’m sorry for just popping in like that. I guess I’ve been a bit…” He cringes a little. “Antsy, waiting  for so long for someone to talk to me.”

I sweep my gaze over him until my mouth dips into a frown. “But…I thought the dead went to Malek’s realm after they passed. Please don’t make me have a religious crisis and tell me that’s not true.”

The boy barks out a laugh. “No. As I understand it, not all of my things were burned in reverence. So, until they are, I’m kind of stuck here.”

He winces. “I’m not sure how much I can say. Being dead has rules, and I don’t want to damn myself by accidentally spilling things.”

Being dead has rules? I’d call bullshit, but it makes a little sense, I guess. You’re the closest to Malek you’ll ever get, which means He has more control over your fate. I don’t even know this boy, but I don’t want him to be in trouble with the god of death, either. He looks nice enough, anyway.

I settle myself on my bed and allow my fingers to start twisting at my sheets in an attempt to calm myself. “Is it against the rules to ask for your name?”

He drops to sit on my bed, too — but instead of a plop, he just kind of…hovers. “It’s not. My name is Liam. Liam Mairi.”

I straighten instantly. That surname…I’m all too familiar with that one. “Mairi? Was your mother—“

“The colonel, yes,” he finishes. 

I feel a foolish little twinge of excitement rise through me, one of the first in years, excluding Threshing. “We’ve met before, I think. Rosarie Fuentes. Our parents fought together on the front lines.”

He blinks, his expression going far away. “Fuentes, huh?” He looks away in thought before blinking. “We have. You and my sister tried to climb the side of your house once, but she got too scared to come down by herself and made me climb up with her.” His gaze turns wistful at the memory. I feel a bit guilty again; for the five months we’ve been here, I haven’t even tried to find Sloane to talk to her. I don’t think we’re even in the same wing — and I certainly didn’t know that her brother died. He’s  not much older than us, just by a  year or two.

What happened last year?

“My mother never did quite get over your parents’ passings,” he murmurs. “She talked about your mom a lot. I miss my Gwen, she’d say. Gwen needs to get out of Malek’s realm so she can taste this wine.” 

He stops speaking abruptly and cocks his head to the side, the blue of his irises flaring in understanding. “Is it November 13th?”

My excitement dies, and by the way his eyes soften, I can tell my face probably has fallen. “It is.”

Liam’s hand moves to lay on mine, but it passes right through, although I do note that my skin becomes a little chilly under his touch. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “That must be why you’ve locked yourself away in here, right?”

I swallow. “Yes. I don’t like to be around people on this day. Especially not here.”

“I get it.” He sighs and glances out the window. “On Reunification Day, I made the bright decision to go to the celebration with my friend. To say I was popular is an overstatement.”

Reunification Day — the day everyone else’s parents were killed, and my sister. Great, now I have two days where I need to avoid people. 

“Why did you go?” I ask. “Is it mandatory?”

“Oh, no,” he reassures me. “I was the only marked kid to go. I was watching out for my friend. Her brother died that day, too, and no one likes to be alone on death anniversaries.”

He stops as if catching himself and then raises an eyebrow. “Except for you,” he comments. “Why is that?”

I shrug. “It’s easier. I’m alone most of the time, anyway, so it’s not like it bothers me.” …Bothers me much, anyway. I leave that part unspoken, but as if sensing the words, Liam plucks them straight from my mouth.

“Sure,” he replies, unconvinced. “But you aren’t alone, you know? You have your dragon, firstly, but then you have your fellow Tyrs to look out for you.” He squints. “Unless you haven’t done that.”

I lower my eyes, trying not to squirm in embarrassment under his ghostly gaze. “…Not really,” I admit. “The others in my wing have made it clear they don’t like me.”

“And my sister?” He asks. “You know her.”  

“I haven’t seen much of her,” I try to deflect. “I only saw her after the Parapet, and that’s because she threw a fit about being sorted into a squad with General Sorrengail’s daughter.”

Liam goes quiet, and when I look up, his face is screwed up in a face that I can only imagine is one of either disappointment or resignation.

“Oh,” is all that leaves his mouth. “I see.”

To be fair, you can’t really blame her. I’d be pretty pissed off, too, if I had to share a squad with the daughter of the person who killed my parents and sister. Lucky for me, General Melgren has no children, so I never have to worry about that. 

“So you’ve just been…avoiding your allies?” He asks, raising a stern blond brow.

I try not to flinch at the accusation. “No! I don’t avoid people. That’s a pussy move.”

“Then you should go talk to them,” he encourages. “They’re easy to find. My sister. Bodhi Durran. Imogen Cardulo. They’re the only way I was able to get through last year with my head on straight.”

I stuff my frustration into a little mental box and shove it deep down. “I’m fine” I say through a deep breath. “The others need more help, anyway. Have you seen them fight?”

“Yes,” he replies. “And you can help them learn. That’s how I had it last year. Some of my year-mates, Dunne love them, were absolute shit at sparring. I helped train them since I was pretty decent.”

Pretty decent sounds like the understatement of a century. The way Liam is built, obviously for combat, screams that he wasn’t just good — he was the best.

The way he looks at me, full of expectation that warrants responsibility, has me fidgeting a little with the hilt of another dagger. “There are only two other Tyrs in my wing, and they don’t like me. Said I got off easier since my sister was the only one at the executions.”

His eyes darken. “Bullshit.”

I just shrug. “I can’t help what they think of me. They don’t want me around, so I don’t bother.”

“What about the others, then?” He asks. “They’re not in your wing, but I’m sure they’d be glad to have you.”

My gaze drops to the floor. Honestly, I’m not quite sure how the dynamic is supposed to play out, and that scares me. I’m not a leader, but I’m not a subordinate either; I’m a free-faller, just like my parents. I have no place in the fucked up little family of separatists at Basgiath.

Alone, my veins sing. Alone, alone, alone.

As if in response, Liam’s form turns completely opaque for half of a second before he starts to flicker again. He sighs and looks back at me. Even though he’s not there, not really, I can still feel his eyes trace over me carefully. Maybe it’s because he’s dead, but the air around me feels colder than usual. 

“I guess that’s why you summoned me,” he mutters. “The magic knew what you needed, and delivered.”

Immediately, I feel bad for accidentally bringing him here when he should be…Well, I don’t know what dead people do, but I can’t imagine they want to spend their afterlife with First-Year cadets who have avoidance issues.

“I mean, if you want to go,” I tell him hesitantly, “then go ahead. I didn’t mean to bring you into my bullshit. I just got too emotional.”

As if on cue, his face goes from musing to soft. “No. I’m here for a reason. I know we didn’t know each other well in life, but I don’t leave when someone clearly needs me.”

I swallow back the words that automatically rise in my throat: I don’t need you. Because, really, while my pride screams at me to figure out how this signet works and kick him out, I know that deep down, my power knew I need someone like Liam right now. Magic knows, according to Taibh, and I don’t think it’s the best idea to try and defy it.

When I don’t reply right away, Liam shifts a little closer to me. “Listen,” he begins, his mouth twisting as he searches for words to say. “I don’t get to tell you how you go through the motions here. Your journey is up to you, and you alone. What I do get to do is give you some advice, as someone who’s been in your shoes. Is that alright?”

No, actually. I hate unsolicited advice, especially when it comes to how I conduct myself. Surprisingly, though, I find myself more willing to listen than I’m used to. Maybe it’s the quiet sureness of his voice that reminds me of my big sister, or because he deigned to ask first, or the fact that something about him feels…safe; before I can really think about it, I nod.

“I know what it’s like to be alone,” he murmurs. “It sucks. Don’t pretend it doesn’t, because I don’t like being lied to. It’s okay to like being by yourself, but being lonely is the worst burden to bear in a place like this.”

It is, I want to say. It really is. To go from a loving family to a cold foster home to an actual death trap, leaving no room for other relationships besides the ones forged under fire, has killed a good portion of myself for good. I’m not even sure if I’m that good of a person anymore — any hope of that died the minute I stabbed that boy on the Parapet.

“So,” Liam continues, “here’s what I’ll say. I strongly, very strongly, recommend that you talk to at least one other marked kid, because then you’ll have at least one friend.” His lips quirk into a wry smile. “Well, one living friend.”

I don’t comment on his choice of words; obviously, he means that he’s my ally — as much as he can be, being a spirit. But to go to someone now? After Threshing, when dynamics have changed and people are already distrustful as is? I’m more likely to go back to Aretia.

Instead, I just slouch a little, more defeated than anything else. “I don’t think I can. It would look kind of pathetic for me to go begging to talk to someone so late in the year. Allyships have already been formed, and it’s pretty damn clear that I’m not welcome.”

“It’s not pathetic,” he insists. “I didn’t meet my friend Violet until a little after Threshing, and she came to be one of the greatest people I ever knew. And just because a few people have some shitty opinions, doesn’t mean that they reflect that of the entire group.”

He turns to me fully, locking eyes with me with a gentle intensity that practically burns right through me. “Again, I can’t control what you do. Hell, you just manifested and are talking to a guy that died five months ago. But think about it, alright? I can promise you that the effort will be worth it, in the end.”

Will it? I don’t know. I barely know if I can trust him — but, at the same time, something about Liam Mairi screams that he’s a man of his word no matter whether he’s solid flesh or a flickering projection. The energy practically calls to me, catching on to an instinct that I barely registered before — Liam is safe. He knows what he’s talking about. I don’t know him, and I don’t trust easily, but something inside is telling me that he is good, and I would be wise to listen.

That, or maybe it’s because he sounds a lot like Charlotte right now.

I hesitate, and then my voice returns to me, but quite a bit smaller than I’d like. “I know this is completely unfair, but can I ask something of you?”

“Of course,” he replies automatically. “Talk to me.”

I take in a deep, shaky breath. “I…I know we, like, just met. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out if I’m hallucinating or not.” My hands start drumming rapid lines on my thighs. “I don’t think I can do what you’re asking of me. Not alone, at least.” My request is implicit, enough to be clear of what I want without damaging my pride too badly in the process.

Liam catches on almost right away. “I’ll be there,” he vows. “I can’t do much to protect my sisters or my friends, but I can help you, Rosarie. You deserve that much.”

His head inclines. “Where do you want to start?”

I swallow, feeling my palms start to sweat with nerves. “Baby steps.”

.˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳.

The steps I take to the commons are slow, methodical. They don’t need to be — I’ve thought out what I’m going to say for at least three days now, and with Liam’s gentle encouragement, I know I’ll be fine.

But the prospect of allowing someone in after so long is overwhelming. I don’t like this feeling, not one bit. But I’m not a child anymore. I cannot let my paranoia get in the way of making connections that ensure my survival, not when there is a fuck ton of people praying for my downfall.

The light of the room is dim, slightly dappled from old raindrops scattered in the window. It casts rays of light on me, warm and comforting, and beautiful shadows on to the person I’ve been trying to track down these past few days, coming around through word of mouth and some investigating on Liam’s part.

I stop before I shake my anxiety and take a step in.

Liam is already there, of course, leaning against the opposite wall with his arms and ankles crossed. Being a spirit, he’s not exactly bound to the laws of nature like us — which makes him unfairly fast when it comes to travelling. I’ve gotten used to it already. No more attempted stabbings on my end.

I stare at him. He watches me. Then, slowly, he dips his head, gesturing ahead of me. He doesn’t even need to speak for me to hear what he’s clearly trying to convey.

You’re already here now, so go for it. I won’t leave.

I nod and squeeze my hand until

my heart stops pounding. I inch little closer, and then a little more, and then a little more.

My teeth dig into my lip, but I clear my throat. “Is this seat taken?”

The girl in front of me startles a little, her hand automatically flying to her hip like mine did with Liam, but she pauses at the very last moment, right before she can put a blade through my head.

Her narrowed, sky blue eyes go wide. “Rosarie?”

Despite myself, I feel a long-coming smile start to spread across my face while Liam just watches us with a bittersweet grin.

I tilt my chin. “Hi, Sloane.”

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[heavenlyvision]

next time? pairing: Bi-Han x reader wc: 800 warnings: tiniest bit suggestive (only if you squint), idiots, bad flirting, no pronouns or y/n used !! a/n; i wrote this because i was feeling silly and missing him. this is readers poor attempt at flirting with him and Bi-Han's odd and unreadable reactions :3 i just think he's neat !

Craving Bi-han, wanting him close by, wanting to feel his cool flesh pressed close to yours, his breath tickling your ear. It’s all you think about, it’s been haunting you day and night and you don’t know how to deal with it. The powerful need that’s been overwhelming you, it’s infiltrating you in ways that make you look like a complete idiot. Not only is he completely unapproachable but he must think you are some kind of idiot after every interaction you do have with him. It’s becoming too embarrassing, anytime you have to talk with him concerning something, you fumble and mumble and fall all over yourself in general, just from being in front of him.

Every time Liu Kang sends you to talk with Bi-Han on his behalf, you deflate a little, excited to have a reason to speak with him but mostly dreading your awkward and flustered nature. He could kill you on the spot… but he makes you nervous for a whole other reason. It’s getting hard to look him in the eyes when you’ve unfortunately thought about him in much more… compromising positions. Why are you sexualising the Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei?

Bi-Han looks down his nose at you, “Get it together.”

Your eyes grow wide, forgetting you actually have to speak for information to be exchanged, “Sorry! I uhm…. Got distracted.”

He doesn’t answer, unamused by how much of his time you’re wasting, he does raise a single brow at you though, still waiting for you to tell him why you’re standing in front of him.

“Oh! Liu Kang asked me to tell you he needs to meet later than he initially said, he’s gotten busy,” you’re shuffling from foot to foot, uncomfortable in front of him, especially since this news is going to piss him off.

You flinch as he groans and his hands move as he asks, “Why? What’s so important he’s made me come all the way here only to wait?” He’s still angry but he drops his hands again, taking note of the way you flinched.

“He… uhh…” you’re trying to think of something to cover for Liu, in all honesty he didn’t tell you why he only told you to tell Bi-Han that he’d have to wait a bit.

“You have no idea, do you?” You shake your head at him and he rolls his eyes, frustration palpable, “What good are you?”

You frown mostly to yourself, “I’m plenty good, it’s not my fault you’re impatient,” you huff. “You will have to wait, like every other human does at least once in their lives,” your words are direct, he’s upset you. You don’t wait for a response from him, instead turning back in the direction you came and walking away hurriedly.

Bi-Han is left standing, surprised by your outburst, not having expected it from you.

⋆⁺₊❅.

When you run into him again, he’s coming back from talking with Liu Kang, seemingly calmed down. You don’t approach him, you stay sitting where you are, waiting for him to pass you by. Instead, he shocks you by standing in front of you, it seems like, he’s always looking down at you.

“I’m not sorry for earlier,” he grumbles at you.

You are confused, mostly because you don’t really care anymore anyways, “…Okay?”

He stands idly for a few moments before asking, “What are you doing?”

You don’t really know how to answer that, so you awkwardly say, “Sitting.”

“You are bad at conversation,” he considers you for a moment before moving to sit next to you on the stone bench.

You guffaw at him, “Me?”

He only offers a simple, “Yes.”

The two of you sit in complete silence, clearly both of you are bad at conversation. You break it first, with possibly the stupidest question you could ask, stupid for so many reasons, “Do you… come here often?”

He eyes you, contemplating for a moment, before deciding not to answer at all. Apparently not deeming it necessary.

Something is apparently possessing you to have loose lips today because you go on to say, “You look… nice today, uh not that you look bad other days, I mean maybe you do but when…when I see you, you look good…uhm…”

It looks like he smirks for a second before it’s gone, “Are you… flirting with me?”

You cringe involuntarily, “I think I might be trying to, yes?”

“Interesting,” he smiles to himself and then stands, “Until next time,” he addresses you by name as he walks away.

What… what the hell was that interaction? What did he mean? Why is your heart racing so hard at seeing his amused smile. You can’t tell if he liked your flirting or thought it was funny how dumb you are. Oh gods, what will he say next time.

⋆⁺₊❅.

[juliaia]

Rainy Nights in Hell's Kitchen

—————————————————————

Summary: You’ve been dating Matt for about a year—you always sleep better when you’re with him.

Pairing: Matt Murdock x gn!reader

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, fluff, overuse of em-dashes.

A/N: This is super short and sweet, but I wanted to try writing for Matty. Totally feel free to request stuff if you enjoy, but I post fics at random whenever the urge strikes, so I’m not like an “official tumblr fanfic person” or whatever—but I sure am here!

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It was a dark and stormy night—and usually you wouldn’t mind that. The rain is pretty peaceful, and with the windows open you can catch the cool night air and the smell of petrichor on the breeze.

But today has been long and tiring, and lately you’ve been having really vivid, unpleasant nightmares.

You’ve kept them mostly to yourself, tying them to the general stress of day-to-day life and maybe a dash of unresolved trauma—but they’re just nightmares. They’re silly, and you are definitely not afraid to go to bed tonight in your own room in the dark, with the occasional, startling boom of loud thunder in the background.

The fact that you immediately answer a much too eager, “yes”, when Matt asks if you want to stay over at his apartment is totally unrelated.

So now, you’re sitting in the bathroom with Matt, getting ready for bed.

He looks so damn pretty in the slightly dim lighting. His face is cast in a soft glow, his bare chest is looking like a very warm, very comfortable pillow, his sweats are fitting him very nicely and making his butt look exceptionally cute—but to be fair, he always looks sinfully good. You’re pretty sure you could watch him just exist for hours on end.

You see a grin creep onto his face as he feels your eyes on him.

“You’re staring, sweetheart.” He says, pushing his hand through his hair as he turns towards you and holds out a hand. You take it, and he leans in to kiss your forehead.

“Just watching you. You’re pretty.” You say. His grin softens to something less mischievous and more fond and sweet, and he leans in again, this time planting a soft kiss on your lips.

“You’re prettier.” He murmurs—he’s got this shamelessly lovesick look on his face. You chuckle and roll your eyes.

“Says the blind man.” He gives your hand a playful squeeze.

“I can still tell you’re pretty—ready for bed?” He asks. You hesitantly nod.

“Uh, yeah, alright.” He raises an eyebrow.

“…You’re usually more enthusiastic about sleeping.” You sigh, the two of you walking over to settle into bed on top of the cool silk sheets.

“I’ve just been having weird, bad dreams.” You explain. Matt’s face goes all soft and sympathetic.

If there is one thing Matt is, it’s protective. Which is usually sweet, but occasionally overdramatic to the point of hilarity. For example—two weeks ago, you got a papercut while opening a package (one of those awful cardboard-paper-cuts), and the moment Matt heard you let out that little hiss of frustration and pain, he came rushing over to fuss over you, face painted with concern as he took your hand and frantically examined the wound. It’s especially funny considering how he insists you don’t need to worry about him when he shows up at 3 in the morning after patrol, bleeding from a stab wound in his side, or on the verge of passing out from a concussion.

So, you mention the nightmares, and Matt goes all soft, pulling you against his chest, holding you close, kissing the top of your head.

“Oh, angel, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks. You shrug.

“Eh, you’ve got other stuff on your plate—they’re just nightmares.” Matt shakes his head, nuzzling his face into your hair and inhaling deeply.

“They’re upsetting you, and ruining your sleep.” He murmurs, kissing the top of your head.

“Matty, babydoll—“ He cuts you off by pulling back and pressing his forehead against yours, his warm eyes unfocused and unseeing but somehow still so damn emotional.

“Sweetheart,” He says. “You always take care of me. Let me take care of you, please?”

Dammit—Matt and his stupid puppy dog eyes. That sweet soft sad look he gives you, the pleading, pouty face, his pretty pink lips and big dumb wet eyes. You relent, sighing in defeat, and he grins, pulling you into his arms, kissing your cheek, and dragging you to bed, laying down with you.

“I’m here, okay?” He murmurs, kissing the top of your head. You grumble, folding yourself into his arms, smushing up against his chest. He rubs your back, holding you close. “Nothing gets to ruin your sleep except for me.” He says. You snort, giving his bicep a squeeze–oh those wonderful thick arms of his.

“Dork.” He pulls you over, tucking you against his chest for a cuddle. He nuzzles his face against the top of your head.

“I’m here. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. No nightmares.” He says. You smile, hand finding his, fingers lacing through his own.

“I don’t know if you have any control over what I dream about, but I appreciate it anyway.” You say. Matt yawns softly, kissing your temple.

“I’m just gonna hold you so tight the nightmares won’t be able to get you.” He loves having you so close, loves being able to protect you and cuddle up with you to sleep. He presses his nose and mouth into the crook of your neck, letting out a happy growl. You reach back to ruffle his hair.

“Thanks, Matty.” You murmur. He nods, kissing your cheek.

Curled up in his arms, you fall asleep easier. The rain falls outside, soft pitter patters on the window panes as Matt’s steady breathing lulls you to sleep.

When you wake up at two in the morning, hands gripping the sheets, Matt wakes up with you, pulling you closer and kissing your temple, hands coming up to rub your shoulders.

“Hey angel, you’re okay. I’m here.” You push yourself further into his arms, body shaking slightly as you wrap your arms around his arm, holding it against your chest. “I’m here.” He rubs your chest, hand drawing soothing circles against you. “What can I do to help, hm?”

You just push yourself closer to him, and he settles you into his lap, shushing you gently and kissing the top of your head. He holds you tightly, hand gently rubbing over your racing heart in a gesture he hopes is grounding and comforting.

You tuck your face against his warm neck, inhaling the scent of him, pressing a soft kiss to his skin. He chuckles, hand coming to cup your cheek, his face tilting down and his nose nudging against yours. You wrap your arms around him, too tired and shaken up to be embarrassed about seeking him out for comfort. He cuddles you against him, laying back with you against his chest.

You’re quickly lulled back to sleep by the soothing sounds of his breathing and heartbeat, and after that, you sleep solidly through the night without any issues. Matt’s warm arms wrapped around you, blankets cozy and soft, the rain and thunder outside becoming gentle background noise.

In the morning, Matt wakes you up with a few soft kisses on the temple, stirring you to consciousness, drawing a little grumble from you. He chuckles, rubbing your back gently.

“Sorry sweetheart, I couldn’t resist.” He pecks you on the lips. You hide your face against his chest, trying to block out the light from the window. He kisses the top of your head, throwing his leg over your hip to pull you closer. He’s so warm, and he smells so good, and he’s cuddling you close like you’re the most precious thing in the world. “Did you sleep okay? Aside from the bad dreams?” He asks, hand resting on your back. You nuzzle your face against the crook of his arm. You did sleep okay, you felt safe and warm in his arms, held close in his arms.

“Mhm. Slept better with you.” You say. Matt grins, face flushing as he snuggles you closer, squishing you against him.

“You should stay over more often. Move in with me, so I can keep you safe from all the nightmares.” He says, fingers brushing through your hair. You smile softly.

“…Shit, are you asking me to move in with you?” You ask. Matt kisses your forehead.

“Depends…would you say yes if I was?” You chuckle.

“Yes, yes I would.” Matt smiles, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

“Then yes, yes I am asking you to move in with me.”

“And I’m saying yes.”

[mothiepixie]

I’m really curious because a lot of the Sanses have a jealous/possessive streak to them, and Motti seems so free-spirited and kind to everyone… does that ever cause conflict in their everyday life? Whether it’s from her hanging out with or getting hit on by other attractive people or monsters or, I guess in terms of “the bad Sanses”, would they ever try to get back at one another at all for hogging extra time with her behind the scenes? And does Motti ever feel stifled or is she appreciative and see it as them looking out for her?

I guess in general what I’m trying to ask is: To what extent are each of the Sanses with that quality jealous/possessive over Motti and how might she react to their behavior based on whatever level they happen to be at?

A lot of it really depends on who openly displays jealousy versus who is seething on the inside. Many of the Sanses lean towards redirecting her attention back to them or even asserting themselves so the person who is flirting or getting too close to her will sense the tension and back off. 

Others will openly show aggression and rudely call out the person which will embarrass Motti. Motti doesn’t perceive people flirting with her quite a lot because she gives the benefit of the doubt that they’re just being friendly since that is the energy she gives. So it will come off unexpected and unwarranted if one of the Sanses reacts boorishly.  While Motti is generally really easy going she doesn’t stand for rudeness and will reprimand if need be. 

Boysen, Big Red, the Bad Time Trio, and Nightmare are perhaps THE worst of the bunch. They don’t hold back or care to be couth and it will cause a lot of arguments.

Boysen is 50/50 with either showing or keeping his jealousy to himself. He has a three strike system he follows and while he does feel secure in himself, he does not like sharing and doesn't like someone lesser than him to even dream of thinking they have a chance. His methods are more insulting the person's intelligence, or attributes before his mask slips and threatens them. Motti will wait until they're home to have a heated discussion. A lot of it will be Boysen pointing out things about their character and that they annoyed him which will make Motti so frustrated she can't explain other then huffing.

Big Red and Motti will butt heads and while she would like to have a proper discussion when they get back home, he does test her patience and sometimes her hot headedness wins. They will have it out right then and there.

The Bad Time Trio see Motti like a cute kitten when she is upset and reprimanding them. It really doesn’t phase them in the slightest (mostly Dust and Horror), Killer likes to act like a kick puppy and try to use cuteness for her to forgive him (he’ll just learn to be more discreet and take care of the person out of view). If jealousy is amongst the three, then it’s one upping the other, smacking the other when Motti isn't looking, or even full on brawls. 

Nightmare doesn’t care in the slightest how upset or long Motti goes on a tangent about how he should act. He has made his claim on Motti and he’ll be DAMNED if he lets some nobody even think they can breathe her air. 

Other Sanses that keep to themselves when they are jealous try not to let it affect the quality of her life. Many of them genuinely know that their jealousy is indicative of their own personal gripes about the fear of losing her. 

Sans, Farmer, and Passive will simmer on the inside then be the kind to redirect Motti back to them, or display affection more so they feel more secure with her. 

Blue cares for Motti so much that if she chose another he would not stand in that person’s way because he cares for Motti’s happiness over his own. He will be the shoulder for her to lean on, but he will always pine for her. 

Dream is a conflicted and complicated fellow. He spends so much of his time giving every piece of himself to others, but also keeping everyone at arm’s length. So when he finally allows himself to love Motti, there are times he doesn’t want her to get too close because he struggles to accept her love for him isn’t due to his powers. However, when someone else gives Motti attention he may feel malcontent and unwilling to share her attention. He won’t ever admit he feels a sense of possessiveness, and will try to ignore his own feelings to make her happy. Lots of forced smiles. He could only share or allow someone to flirt with her if he has complete trust in them not taking her fully away from him. -cough- maybe someone like Blue-cough-

[blueinkjpeg]

Okay but one thing I really like about Kit’s characterization is that she’s the antithesis to the Disney princess stereotype but also fills the stereotype perfectly?? But also in a way that subverts the troupe??

Like okay, we can guess from her line about how she wishes she were “anyone but a princess” and the general way she acts that Kit has a complex relationship with femininity. I’m mostly just speculating, but it’s probably just because she associates most feminine traits she has or is forced into with her royal title, and so hates it all.

Being a princess political and socially demands a few immovable things. Having the patience and emotional bandwidth to run a nation, present herself in a distinctly feminine and uptight way, and marrying specifically a man her mother chose so that she can give birth to precautionary heirs.

These are all things Kit is incapable, or relatively incapable, of doing. Kit, just base personality wise, isn’t a patient person. She doesn’t think ahead most of the time, and she doesn’t have the interest in learning it. Also, she’s literally a lesbian and if she goes through with the marriage her mom set up, is doomed to a life of misery and unfulfillment, not to mention that the s*x part of the marriage will be traumatic no matter how it happens. And I literally cannot imagine her as a mom, sorry. Forcing Kit into this role is like trying to shove a circle into the square hole of those baby toys.

I can only imagine Sorsha trying to continuously shove Kit into this role that she cannot fufill would leave Kit frustrated with herself for being unable to fit, and hating anything having to do with it. Like— the whole reason Kit was born was to fill this role. Imagine being physically and emotionally incapable of doing the one thing you were born to do? Kit’s never feeling good enough trauma is just apparent in the show as her abandonment issues. Despite knowing she can’t fill this role and clearly not trying to anymore, doesn’t mean she doesn’t hold a lot of frustration with herself for it.

As an obvious butch, I think Kit would end up in her style no matter how her life turned out, but I also think that the more her mom pushed Kit toward femininity where Kit wasn’t able to fit correctly, the more Sorsha ended up actually pushing Kit in the opposite direction. Frustrated she can’t go one way, she’s clearly ended up going the opposite way.

Just like when her mother didn’t want her to learn sword fighting, she sought a way to learn “on her own” with Jade. Kit isn’t really an authority person. She likely sees it as getting farther away from her mother, and closer to her dad, like how she lost her mom’s sword and picked up her dad’s in the show.

But it’s not just fashion, Kit’s shown distain for “feminine traits” (or traditional Disney princess traits wink wink) she has in her personality. The most obvious example is Kit’s feelings for Jade. They’re very deeply ingrained onto who she is as a person. They’re raw and venerable and Kit goes like five whole episodes after kissing Jade to even consider talking about them. Kit goes lengths to avoid talking or confronting her deeper emotions.

But it remains that Kit feels things very deeply. When Sorsha yells at Arik and Kit in episode 1, Kit’s the only one that starts crying. She loves Jade so much, and is so afraid of being rejected, that when she confesses, she also starts crying. When locked in a cage thinking Jade might be in trouble, she freaks out on Elora. On truth strum, she borderline begs Elora for advice. When she finds out her dad might be alive and that he thinks Elora is “what matters most in this world,” she breaks down and yells. She uses the power of love to save Arik’s life.

Girl cannot hold a grudge to save her life, btw. She’s so pissed at her mom episode 1, the next morning she’s crying at her bedside because she’s worried Sorsha might be upset with her. Jade says she’s abandoning her and Kit’s over it and kissing her on the lips in the span of a few hours. Kit apologizes to Graydon for being a bitch at the engagement dinner. She gets pissed at Boorman for potentially leaving her dad to die and then it’s literally never brought up again bc she’s over it. She tries soooo hard to be mad at Elora for mattering to both her parents more than Kit does, and fails miserably after like a week max.

She’s a teeny ball of rage but it’s not in her nature to hate people for whatever reason.

She’s a very sensitive person. So much so, that she has a quiet arc about how she can’t really stand death.

That possum she has to go fetch for Elora? She can’t even look at it. When the jar breaks and she has to go hold it in her hands? She’s pinching it a full arms length away from her body. As Elora’s cutting it up she’s physically gagging. She tries to talk about Ballentine with Jade, but she can’t even say the word “killed.” She tries SO hard to be macho and tough and be the one to kill Graydon, but Jade and Boorman both already knows she’s weak shit. Kit BAILS. It’s the moment of truth and Graydon’s dying and Kit ORDERS Jade not to kill him as she SOBS and BEGS Elora to figure out a way to save his life bc she can’t stand to watch him die. A throwing star hits her in the arm and she SCREAMS ANS PASSES OUT. Jade has to mentally prepare her to rip it out and she SCREAMS AGAIN. She’s the most reluctant person in the world to fight her brother. And when she wins the fight and tries to kill him, her body won’t even let her. When Elora tells her to stand down, Kit collapses into tears like she was praying someone would stop her.

And it’s clear at the beginning of the season, Kit hold a lot of resentment towards herself for having these traits. They’re not inherently feminine traits to have, but she associates them with being a princess and hates them on principle. She’s probably been told her whole life to be nicer, politer, more empathetic. She doesn’t want to be any of those things, she wants to be who she remembers her dad to be; a brave, admired, tough knight. Kit wants to be brave and strong and she thinks she can’t have that if she acts like Sorsha wants her to, since it’s clear Sorsha doesn’t want either of her kids to be like Madmartigan. She wants them to be a certain way, she wants them to be the opposite of the militaristic way she was raised. But the truth is, there’s nothing Kit can do about it. She is a sensitive, loving, empathetic person, that’s it. This is who she is, and her arc in this show is learning to be herself. All parts of herself.

Kit gets to love the venerable, sensitive parts of herself without giving up the masculine badass sword fighter that she’s always wanted to be, the way she assumed she’d have to. She gets to be both!!! She gets the cool ass armor and she can be emotionally available. She can express fear and love and still be brave and strong!!!

Kit emerges from this show at the heart of the questing gang. Y’all have no idea how much I love that.

[liloinkoink]

hi, big fan of lamplight, and I wondered whether you used a guide/list for Ren's more specific mannerisms, or just work from your own knowledge?

love the series :D

glad you’re enjoying it!

as for a guide to Ren’s mannerisms… i don’t know that i have 100% hard set rules that This Action = That Emotion Every Single Time, but i do have some guidelines for myself. i haven’t ever really written them out, but ill try and mark down the rules i follow in my own head for how to write Ren expressing himself

first: the obvious one is that good/happy emotions are generally bright. when he’s excited, he gets big and bright, with a lot of motion and sparking. he can’t wag his tail or shout anymore, so he ends up big and bright to express himself instead lots of fast movements like it’s windy, or sparks / embers, or becoming genuinely hard to look at—that’s happiness and excitement, generally. this is what you see the most in him in lamplight

the opposite of that, of course is that and bad/unhappy emotions are usually small and dim. if he’s hurt or upset or sad or angry or scared, he gets small and dark. i imagine his flames also move a bit slower when he’s sad

however, bright doesn’t always mean happy and dim doesn’t always mean sad. the light level also corresponds to how intensely he’s feeling something. strong emotions usually see his flames get bigger/brighter/faster, while weak emotions don’t have as much as an effect. if he were frustrated or anxious, his flames might move faster—think of it like pacing, or bouncing his leg. he might also get brighter when he’s angry if there’s a lot of passion behind it.

that sort of thing is where color comes in. the color of his fire is his other big emotional tell. i’d say his neutral is orange—if they’re just walking around in silence, or if Martyn is asleep, he probably defaults to a nice orange. when he’s happier, he turns more yellow/white. i use the word “gold” to describe him basically exclusively when Martyn is making him smile / he’s smiling at Martyn, and i usually picture that as like… specifically fond/comfortable(/lovestruck)

the color he appears most rarely is red, which is… irritated or angry, mostly, but it can also be incredibly sad, in a “dimmed so far down he’s more embers than fire” sort of way. i’d say flustered could also be red depending on the context? red can mean a lot of things, but they’re not emotions that are as common, and you’d have to figure it out based on the intensity/motion of his flames

for other really uncommon things: he sometimes makes smoke when annoyed, frustrated, flustered, or when he’s purposefully trying to annoy Martyn. smoke also is just something i throw in sometimes if the vibe feels right for it. also, Ren’s temperature doesn’t fluctuate that much, because it’s something he has to remain in control of so he doesn’t hurt Martyn, but if he’s taken really off guard he might slip up and get hotter (ie. getting flustered by Martyn kissing him in worship the ashes. i think if Martyn ever surprised/scared him suddenly he would risk Ren burning him by accident)

bc of all this, Ren’s expressions are kind of mix-and-match. for example, sometimes he’s upset and bright—if he’s really pissed, he’d be red embers that are small, but INCREDIBLY bright, to the point he’s difficult to look directly at. another example, i tend to describe him as sparking “like fireworks” when he’s happy, but he might also spark when he’s annoyed or nervous

when i’m picking how Ren’s expressing himself, i usually think about two things:

first thing, what was he just doing last? if he was so upset he’d gone down to embers and is now moving toward happiness, he’s probably not going to jump immediately to blinding white fireworks (unless he’s really happy)—he’s going to warm up a little bit, move more to orange, and have to be cheered up until he reaches yellow/white again

the other thing i think about is examples of real world flames and match them with certain vibes. like, with Ren’s anger, i tend to think about hot metal right out of a forge, because ren’s anger is intense and can be powerful when directed or shaped purposefully. for unease, i think about sparks from friction, because those make me uneasy.

aaaand finally, to end out all of these considerations, the last rule is that i can also break just about any of these if i think that it feels correct to do so. he operates on vibe. sometimes the vibe says do something else besides what is in this guide. at which point i do that thing instead

if there are any specifics that usually stay true consistently… i can think of three reliable constants that usually only mean one thing

-crackling generally happens when Ren is using his “voice.” often it specifically means laughter, but not always, and not every laugh results in crackling. it can also just mean he’s talking or yelling

-like i said up in the color section, if i use the word gold in prose, it usually means specifically a warm/fond smile directed at or because of Martyn

-when Ren cries, it appears as steam. we haven’t seen him cry yet, but this is how it would appear if he did: so dim it looks like he’s nearly out, barely red embers, heavy steam. he looks almost like water has been doused over him. you will only ever see steam if you actually genuinely dunk Ren in water or if he’s crying

-i haven’t really thought about sleep before, BUT if Ren were to sleep again as fire he’d probably get fairly dim and pretty slow, unless he was dreaming, at which point ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mrsroryhuntzberger]

Thoughts on Ginny and Georgia Season 3 Episodes 1-3 but mostly episode 3

Georgia is such an interesting character she’s messed up and has bad boundaries with her kids especially Ginny as a result. Ginny is understandably upset about her mom being arrested for murder and everything that comes with it and needs space to deal with it and Georgia just fires back “I needed space from you when you were a baby and yeah it’s kinda your fault” wtf Georgia

In general Georgia really annoyed me in episode 3 I get she’s going crazy being stuck at home when she is someone who runs from her issues but she’s so ignorant to the consequences of her actions. She gets upset at Zion because his mom is taking Ginny to a family dinner to meet his girlfriend when this was the direct result of Georgia bating up Zions mom. Ginny tries to express her feelings but Georgia keeps misusing “gaslight” without understanding why Ginny feels this way. It’s frustrating to watch even though she’s a compelling character

Ginny and Abby hanging out in episode 1 when they ditched felt so real that scene with them goofing around felt like watching two friends interact it was just sweet

While I do think they do a good job trying to keep him young looking, Austin’s actor definitely looks older than his character is and at times it’s definitely noticeable

Though it’s also a staple of the genre and show because I had to laugh when Ginny and Max were talking about how their sophomore year feels so long because they do not look like 15/16 year olds at all

I don’t feel like I cared that much about Marcus and Ginny before but I like them together more this season

I’m Team Paul but also Team Give Paul A Break because this man is going through it

Also Joe is hot all the men are hot

I did find Georgia seducing Paul to get him to make sure their neighbor was wearing a Georgia approved shirt was funny

Also I know I’m getting old when I’m like “damn these teenagers be nice to your mom!!” when Marcus snapped at his mom and “you need to get out of your room that’s why you’re depressed” when Marcus kept refusing to go to the dance

“I want to see you get married and have grandchildren” then don’t murder people Georgia it’s not that hard

Press or whatever his name is sucks and Abby needs to run far away from him

Also what is this Sam and Abby plot line I don’t get where it came from

Is Sam with that Press dude? I’m so confused and if so that’s really shitty

Paul is showing his cruel side threatening Nick when he tried to quit

“I wanna hear what you think you know about my wife” “I really don’t think you do” ooooohhh what does nick know like seriously I forgot

Damn Marcus showing up to dance with Ginny right when the slow dance started that’s sweet but also that is not platonic dancing

Damn poor Norah stuck in the middle of Abby and her mom she’s getting put in a lot of tough stuff this season

Also I get Ginny going through her own shit but I felt for Marcus him going to the dance was a big deal and she just left him in the middle of it

Okay seriously what did Paul learn I truly don’t remember what Nick knew lol

[kukuandkookie]

“Unlike most manhua this one is paced quite well…”

“It’s so rare to find a manhua like this with nice art!”

“China isn’t sucking for once, so that’s a surprise…”

“This art is so nice for a manhua…!”

“Is this a sign Chinese anime will finally rival Japan?”

“China actually has good anime?”

“Cdramas are usually so bad but this one is actually good!”

“Can’t believe I found a good manhua…”

“This looks good since most Chinese anime look super cheap...”

“This manhwa (about a manhua) is sooo pretty!”

“This is one of the few cdramas with good pacing…”

“Most donghua have good animation but shitty stories…”

“Manhua usually aren’t written or drawn this good…”

“Is this really from China?”

I swear I am exasperatedly throwing at the heads of everyone who comments stuff like this a book—preferably a physical manhua.

I’m not even upset at the notion that these people are calling out how there are bad manhua and donghua in the world, because sure, of course there are! Everything will have both bad and good things. It came free with your existence.

But I just wish people would stop talking about manhua and donghua as if they know anything, because clearly they don’t. They haven’t read nearly enough manhua to make these assumptions that “most manhua are bad except for this one nice manhua I just found on Bato that was so good it compelled me to write a comment on how rare good manhua are.”

Most manhua go untranslated. Those that do get picked up officially sometimes hide their Chinese-ness by changing the names and localizing everything, and there aren’t many dedicated manhua fan translators. What makes you think you have enough access to Chinese media to say this???

Also to be a bit more salty, do we really think a country of 1 billion people won’t have some talents in there????

My only resentment is when people make the claim that “most manhua/donghua I’ve seen suck, so most manhua/donghua must suck in general.” 🙄

Nobody says this about Korean manhwa and yet we get so many people complaining about the same old cliché villainess isekai or the same old uncompelling abusive male lead romance stories that fail at relationship chemistry so it doesn’t feel romantic at all or whatever “slop” is flooding Webtoons recently.

And I’m not saying Korean manhwa is bad either!! I’m just saying there’s obviously so many manhwa churned out everyday where many manhwa readers will acknowledge, “Hey, quite a few of these manhwa are really bad, but they’re not representative of an entire country’s media.”

So why the hell do manhwa fans have the exact opposite mindset when it comes to China??

How are you aware enough to think, “Yes, there being a lot of bad manhwa does not represent manhwa as a whole,” but you lack the awareness to think, “Right, so me only finding bad manhua in English isn’t a sign that there’s only mostly bad manhua out there, especially since a lot of Chinese manhua go untranslated and they’re on websites I can’t access”?

I’ve visited so many manhua on fan translation sites and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen comments about how this is one of the rare ones—a manhua with actually good art/pacing. If this statement applies to so many manhua, maybe it’s not an accurate statement at all—as in, maybe good manhua aren’t that rare after all. 🫠

Even more frustrating is when a manhua is good and people assume it’s a manhwa anyway just because it’s good. Pretty art? Nice story? Oh, it must be a Korean manhwa then! Because Chinese manhua all suck, right?

These people are literally setting themselves up to keep being this obnoxious by assuming “this one good manhua I found is a rarity because I don’t know many good manhua, even though in reality, I’m usually not even looking for Chinese manhua specifically anyway so I shouldn’t be able to make this judgement,” and I am baffled.

[kat-rose-griffith]

Hi. I love you blog ❤️

But I have an unpleasant question to ask. I hope it doesn’t bring your mood down and I hope that you may have some advice.

I love the Bridgerton community here and I genuinely enjoy the series analyses and the memes and love and praise for the actors. But you know how the situation with Luke has been recently.

I had to block #lukola and lukola content since the comments are mostly generated under this tag. I know that not everyone is using it romantically but I hoped that it will bring down the amount of posts that make me see red or genuinely depressed me. And I still have to block users just to remove their posts from my dash even though I thought that the filter may help.

I want to generate positivity instead of fighting but some posts are just THAT outrageous that I feel the need to dismantle them. By doing that I feel like I keep the hate train rolling simply by bringing the content of these posts into question in order to point out how harmful they are. I’ve also tried doing nothing and ignoring, but it feels like I’m letting the baseless cruelty slide and letting my principles and who I am at the core down.

I’m not sure what to do anymore and I’m thinking about stepping away from all social media for a while. But this thought also makes me sad because I used to love it here and I still (sometimes) do.

Do you have any advice? How do you deal with this? Maybe I have to filter something more? Do you see any way to contribute something good without fighting but also without hiding and running away from the tide?

If I’ve overstepped, I am sorry, and if you decide to remove the ask or not answer it I would absolutely understand. Thank you for listening in any case ❤️

Oh my gosh you’re so sweet. Thank you so much for enjoying my blog. That means so much to me and I truly appreciate it!

As far as advice goes I don’t know if I have a lot. I know it can get really hard to not let other peoples hatred and negativity bring you down. It can get really frustrating especially when the hate is as illogical and unwarranted as the harassment that the bridgerton actors, especially Luke, have been getting. It’s not guaranteed but hopefully the aggression will die down with some time as people move on with their lives. Just know that you’re not alone in these feelings.

I’m personally pretty susceptible to this kind of negativity too. That’s why tumblr is my only form of social media. The way that I try to work with those reactionary feelings is pretty similar to what you’re already doing. Whenever I see something that affects me like that I just block it and move on. Sometimes I do forget to do that and get wrapped up in scrolling through the hate or typing up a response, but then I have to stop myself and think if it’s really worth my time. I remind myself that these people want attention and they want the notes on their posts to feel validated in their opinions. It is hard but the best course of action is to try to just ignore them because they’re truly not worth the stress or energy.

With that I do want to say don’t be afraid to vent your feelings on your own blog. If you don’t feel comfortable putting it in the tag or associating it with your blog because you don’t want to deal with those people harassing you there that’s completely fine. You can always leave it untagged, type it up but leave it in your drafts, create a side blog just for that, or block them when they leave an upsetting comment. I’ve just found that it’s helpful to me to let out how I feel on here instead of holding it in and it’s especially helpful when I find people who actually get it and share my feelings. That’s actually one of my favorite things about tumblr.

Another thing that I try to do is just make my blog a nice place that I’m proud of, which is why you liking my blog has made me very happy. I try to share as many things that I like as I can. With the negativity in the tag surrounding Luke I’ve just been trying to counter it with any positive post that comes to my mind to drown out how negative and hateful some people have been. These people aren’t the majority, they’re just loud. That’s why whenever I’ve been making posts about this season I’ve been putting them in Luke and Nicola’s tags. If you have other social media accounts spamming the cast and their tags with love, complements, or just anything that’s not hateful to counter the hate spamming that they get is always a good idea too.

All that being said if it is all too much I always recommend just stepping away from social media for a second. It can be very overwhelming and hard to remember that it’s not real life, so if you ever feel like it’s effecting you too much just check in with yourself and walk away, for at least a bit.

I know that’s not great advice, but I’m going to post this in all of the tags that I use for bridgerton to see if anyone else has any advice that might be a bit more helpful. I’m very sorry that you’ve been experiencing this too and I hope that it gets better. Thank you so much for liking my blog, that really did make my day

[skyward-floored]

Whenever you get to this -- it's not terribly important, but how would you describe each of the chain's personalities to be like?

You’ve found my writing weakness Ladye, I struggle immensely with looking at a character and writing out their personality XD

That’s an interesting question! One I think about a lot when I’m writing actually, because at their core? All the Links are made of the same stuff. It can be difficult to parse out what makes them individuals sometimes (especially writing it out 😂) but I did my best here!

Under a readmore because this is LONG

Time - stubborn, responsible, and serious, but not as much as you’d expect from his appearance. Most leader-y of the group, he’s stern yes, but mostly only when he’s trying to keep the other Links safe (the Like Like incident, when Twilight is injured and insists he’s well enough to fight, etc). His overall personality seems to me more lighthearted then you’d expect at first glance— after all, he enjoys teasing the other Links, and even pranks them now and then.

It seems like he’s largely moved past and healed from what happened during his adventures, (probably due to how it’s been longer since them unlike the other Links), and not much seems to bother him. He can even joke about them a little (“the moon”), though he stays mysterious about details. He seems a pretty private person as well, except around his wife and a few select others.

Twilight - protective and stubborn to a fault, he cares deeply for those he loves. Another leader of the group, but he doesn’t think of himself as the leader-type as much. He falls into the role though, since the others tend to look to him, and he manages it well.

He has a melancholic sense about him, one that he’s only partially-good at hiding. He’s still very much getting over his complicated feelings about Midna’s departure, and that sadness bleeds into his personality sometimes. Good with kids and animals, knows how to wrangle them both really well, but he can be a little overprotective on occasion, and forgets how age isn’t necessarily an indicator of how responsible and/or skilled you are, which the younger Links bristle at.

Warriors - polished, put together, and a bit prideful, but he’s well aware of what happens if he gets too cocky and keeps it in check. The other leader of the group, he seems to focus largely on making plans, and keeping up the overall morale of the Links. A charmer, good at saying what people want to hear, and also figuring out what makes people tick. His first impression of people is rarely incorrect.

Good at keeping the group organized, and one of the few Links good at working alongside others, he also seems to be the one to break up fights if they get to be less teasing and more serious. Has a strong sense of justice as well, he hates those who would betray their allies/beliefs.

Four - Calm and focused and very mature, so much that several of the others believe him to be much older than he is. He’s very good at keeping his emotions in check and staying collected, right up to the point where he... isn’t. Gets frustrated with himself if he gets to that point and lashes out, but this only happens rarely.

One of the quietest Links, he tends to keep to himself, but he’s one of the heroes most used to being in a group, and generally handles it very well. Very book-smart and eager to learn, but has a deep distrust of any sort of magic that’s even remotely dark. Also knows how to keep the peace, and generally smooth flaring tempers... unless he’s the one who’s upset.

Wind - the youngest but by no means the weakest Link, Wind is a skilled fighter for his age and the brightest personality among the group. Exuberant and cheerful, his happy attitude can sometimes be taken for frivolousness. But he’s able to take a situation just as seriously as the rest of them— he just tends to look on the bright side of it.

Tends to be underestimated due to his age, and he’s not afraid to call people out on it. He fights hard to be taken seriously, and greatly appreciates how Time treats him as just as capable as everyone else. He still has a childish side to him though, which can be both a strength and a weakness.

Wild - fond of exciting schemes, always willing to go along with what seems like a crazy idea, and deeply traumatized with an identity crisis on top. Tends to be very argumentative and quick to make jokes, but usually he knows when he’s going too far (...usually). Highly defensive of Zelda, and not afraid to argue against any conceived slight against her. She had enough bad things said about her when she couldn’t unlock her powers, and he takes his defense of her seriously.

Greatly insecure about how much of a hero he is due to how he failed— being around so many others who succeeded is difficult, especially when they rarely discuss how close they all came to failing sometimes. Has the greatest trouble working in a group, and it’s caused several issues in the time he’s been with the Links, especially with those that are used to it.

Legend - prickly exterior, soft all the way through. Quick to tease and throw jabs, but he doesn’t truly mean anything by it. It’s a defensive measure more then anything to keep people at arm’s length. Could be a leader, but he chooses not to be— he doesn’t like all that responsibility on his head, and will only step up if the others are truly out of commission.

Reliable and mature for his age due to all his adventures, he seems totally unbothered by what he went through (though Koholint especially weighs heavy on his heart). Seems aloof at times, but cares just as much as Twilight, even if he doesn’t outwardly show it. Is younger than he projects himself to be.

Hyrule - humble and kind, he’s also got a level of sass that sometimes rears it’s head and surprises people. Tends to downplay himself and his skills, doesn’t think he’s a true “hero” like the others, despite being skilled in almost anything he puts his mind to. Has incredible tenacity and refuses to give up no matter the odds against him— he’s made of stronger stuff then he thinks.

Very decisive, knows when to act, and would make a great leader someday if he ever managed to get past his poor view of himself. Has a mysterious side to him as well, similar to Time’s in a way. Not the best in a group, generally prefers to be in either a smaller group or by himself.

Sky - seemingly open with his emotions, kind and cheerful, Sky seems a bit airheaded at times. But he has a great strength of spirit, and is deadly on the battlefield— those who have underestimated him have not lived to tell the tale.

Has a mischievous side that isn’t immediately evident, but it’s there, and its quite a sight to behold when his sassiness comes up with it as well. Tends to keep his heavier thoughts and emotions close to his chest though, and prefers to push through and not dwell on them, which is bad news later when it gets to be too much for him.

[aqua-459]

Hey guys I’m gonna go a little insane about Spies are forever (I just finished watching it go watch it it’s on YouTube it’s a whole 2 hour musical for free) and my favorite VR game I Expect You To Die. Specifically I’m gonna go into both of their opening credit songs. (Spoilers for Spy’s are forever btw but not I Expect You To Die at all)

So first things first go listen to them they’re both great

So I don’t know what it is about these songs or if this is just something with spy media songs in general but there’s something about both of these songs that just scream such extreme bitterness and resentment but also so much heartbreak and betrayal in it I suppose? I know Spies Are Forever is likely intentional but I knew about I Expect You To Die first and I still always got that energy from it.

Spies Are Forever with the context feels upset and sarcastic most of the time and angry the rest of the time. Even watching it the first time I felt like there was an air of tragedy around it. I specifically feel like I can hear really heavy bitterness in the first “Once a spy always a spy” (0:42) It might just be the foreshadowing speaking well for it but it’s just such a good song that with later context becomes even more enhanced.

NOW let me talk about I Expect You To Die. From what I understand Doctor Zor and the Agent don’t really have any relationship besides Villain and Spy. HOWEVER, the opening song is seemingly sung in Zor’s POV and I have A LOT to say about it.

Obviously it has the same bitterness and hatred as other songs sung by villains but there also seems to me like a bit of frustration and almost desperation in the lyrics and some of the deliveries.

At 0:49 with the lyrics “When you finally see the worst side of me we’ll finally see eye to eye” implying that the Agent doesn’t already see the worst in them.

The small frustration in “A mere puppeteer, they only enslave you” at 1:09.

The big pause after the goodbye in this bit that starts at 1:27

I know this is mostly just general timing in the song (probably for the singer to get their breath back after that big bit) but GOD there’s just something about these songs that just hold a certain emotion for me and they make me go crazy every time I love music.

Anyway this is also a pitch for anyone with better art skills than me to make a Spies Are Forever animation or animatic or drawing or anything with the I Expect You To Die song please. Thank you for reading all of this normally I don’t write so much but I got brain worms!

[fiveht]

HI HI HI 👋👋👋 i was just thinking ab disarm (as usual, i check tumblr multiple times a day but i refuse to put on post notifications bc if i’m not sure whether they’ll be any update it makes it better when there is one) and i was wondering whether you think remus and sirius would ever argue? like they’re so sweet w each other but realistically they’re going to disagree on occasion so how would they handle that?

-👽

Hi 👽

Remus is a pretty even-keel guy, and it takes a lot to get him worked up. I could see him maybe getting frustrated with Sirius' self-destructive tendencies, like the drinking to excess (e.g. his birthday), but those are a lot less likely to manifest now that he's being looked after and his head isn't quite so noisy. And the frustration wouldn't necessarily result in an argument, because Remus understands the root of the issue, but I can definitely see him running into some internal conflict between the boyfriend role and the caretaker role, not wanting to be overbearing but also wanting to lecture Sirius about being too smart to behave like this.

Sirius is the type to pick a fight to cover up other emotions. He is a hammer, so everyone else is a nail. He didn't exactly grow up in an environment conducive to healthy emotional expression, so his only reaction to being upset is to get angry, at himself and everyone else. Vulnerability freaks him out. And he would yell and snarl and rage, and Remus would just stay calm and let it happen, because he knows better than to take it personally. Which of course would make Sirius angrier, and Remus would just let him run out of steam until he was calm enough to talk about what was really bothering him.

Ultimately I don't see them arguing much, mostly because Remus is more of a mediator type in general, and when it comes to Sirius, he's a complete simp.