#and it spirals and all yknow
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I feel like a lot of people diminishing the human emotion of "boredom" as childish but it could easily drive someone insane if they have absolutely no way of entertainment, loneliness also tends to come from boredom too so
#talking from experience#my loneliness usually starts when I'm feeling bored#and it spirals and all yknow#harry's rants
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acting strange on tumblr.com with the mutuals <3 | SEARCHING (2018)
#ahsjfgksf i forgot about this#courtesy of my and rima's recent john cho re-spiral#and then his daughter turned out to have the worst tumblr blog of all time ;___;#this really was a good movie#gazing lovingly at his portrayal of a concerned dad#for... yknow...#science#yes#john cho#searching
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my sister and i just yapped for almost three hours and we were just talking about how genuinely weird people in fandom are surrounding characters who have explicit mental illness. like they can never ever be normal. there are characters who are romanticised and glamourised for their mental illness (eren. wanda. joker. kaneki. nico. almost any danganronpa/ddlc character). characters who are consistently ridiculed for their mental illness either because it simply isn’t getting taken seriously (reiner) or because no one takes the character seriously (armin). and there are the characters that get blatantly outright DESPISED for it (basil, harry potter, korra, gale, also eren etc etc). like yes im seeing a correlation but its still so astounding how selective people are about where they draw the line with mental illness and what traits they can accept.
#*like yes this can be about ootp harry but this post is ESPECIALLY about older harry potter from the cursed child#this post was originally gonna be about basil because damn he does not deserve the hate he gets#omori fandom PLEASE stop policing how children react to their own trauma PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEA#theres also definitely a gendered aspect to it cuz yknow for sure that catra wouldve been a poster child if she was a guy#+ annie leonheart & korra & katniss & aubrey & (controversial) akito. ppl like women spiralling into madness without redemption tho. hnm#all these characters need compensation for this its not even funny#disclaimer: this is not a criticism of the way each characters mental illness is depicyed but a criticism of fandom etiquette towards it#omori basil#harry potter#cursed child#aot#attack on titan#reiner braun#eren yeager#armin arlert#wanda maximoff#katniss everdeen#the hunger games#gale hawthorne#legend of korra#avatar korra#dc joker#kaneki ken#danganronpa#tokyo ghoul#nico di angelo#pjo#percy jackson#rewriting#yall when mental illness makes someone who is suffering so insanely a bit unlikeable: 🤯🤯
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cc Donnie's constant eepiness in clipped wings is so me. I crave his life
there's actually a reason 😭😭😭😭 it's all the hugging (that and he cant really self-regulate as well anymore and his emotions tend to wear him out)
#ask#canary continuity#its not something really mentioned in cl but how often do you think donnie cried himself to sleep#while his brothers were still cursed?#maybe at least once they heard it and just walked on past. like oh donnie's at it again yknow. he just cant get over himself!#he must have been so stressed and overwhelmed that the only nights he could actually drift off during#were the ones where he'd be sobbing into his pillow until he was so worn out he couldnt do anything but fall#honestly it might have happened startlingly early on. they were already so cold and rude and dismissive#that they'd say things that stuck with him all day and they'd only hit him when he was stationary#and it's not like he wanted to tell anyone. it's *embarrassing* to him how insecure he actually is#that one bitten comment leaves him spiraling like that. but it may have partially been him noticing it getting worse#that might not change even post-cw. he'll call for leo when he wakes up after worse nightmares but otherwise he just suffers alone#a lot of the time i think he just forgets that there's people in his corner now
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Looking back, it makes sense that I have a thing for male characters whose beauty could start wars. After all, I was raised with stories including those about Näcken that in my area describe him as man so beautiful and with music so haunting that it lures people closer and to their drowning deaths.
Like if you're a queer freak from birth like me, the existence of a devastatingly beautiful naked twink playing violin in streams and riverbends to kill people WILL alter your brain chemistry forevermore.
#like i knew but also idk if it REALLY occured to me WHY i was so obsessed with him growing up LOL#there are many regional variations of him not just in sweden but also norway for instance#so my description isnt THE sole definition. in fact if ANYONE tells you there are definitive singular versions—#of any nordic folklore creatures/myths/tales etc? do NOT trust them. theres a dialectal AND folklore continuum at play in these lands#for sweden in particular the differences between regions and provinces can be noticeable in that they can bear resemblance#to whichever other nordic country theyre geographically closest to. not all the time but yknow what i mean#i am rambling. my adhd feels extreme today. i started thinking about this because i was pondering on folklore creatures that—#reminds me of irrim and his story. and then that spiralled into this. partially because irrim is also devastatingly pretty#and thats kinda like näcken lmao. anyway im RANTING#silvi talks
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I don't think there's anything that some time in the woods with my dog and some time spent talking with friends won't fix
#it doesnt have to be talking about the things wrong#just community and reaffirming that Yes Friends Do Care Back#forcing my tired ass to take my minimum weekly social and woods antidepressant doseage so i dont spiral wildly into The Depths#woods and friends have gotten me through break ups and injuries and familt shit and job shit and general fucky mental health shit#as well as. yknow. *gestures at world* all of the horrors#whatever else there may be; ive got the woods and my friends and ill get through it with them#idle chatter
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can a girl ramble aboutthe way you can interpret so many parts of the propaganda and characterization of rhine by other the people/general populace of teyvat as people largely antagonizing neurodivergent traits without being chased with pitchforks and torches.
#FUCKKKK DSOMMEBODY HEAR ME.#YES. i know shes a not a good person.#but half the shit she's described with by other sources#is so obviouslye exaggerated based onwho she is and NOBODDIESSSS talking abt it#'cold and unfeeling' MY ASS. THIS WOMAN WAS TALKING ABOUT EATING MOLD FOR A GOOD FOUR PARAGRAPHS ITSNOT THAT DEEP#the way she clearly a ton of albedo's behaviours but i dont see anybodyyyyy talk about it and just demonize her for it#THE HEXENSUCCESORS ARE ALL PARELLELS TO THE HEXENLADIES. THATS THE POINT#THE FACT RHINE LARGELY MIRRORS ALBEDO IS NOT A COINCEDENCE OR WEIRD INTERPRETATION ON ANYONES END.#the fact many of the trait she CLEARLY shares with albedo are demonized... HELLO..............#mond propaganda book writer gets shot IMMEDIATELY#-> i dont know guys. Maybe its also the fact she's probably traumatized from the. yknow. CATACLYSM. that made her a worse than albed#just maybe!#its sooo established that neurodivergence leads people to cope with stress different... Hello............ can we talk about this.........#NO HATE. but if I wathced my nation got destroyed > and this loser twink knight said i should've protected everyone/ when even HE DIDNT/#i wouldd also spiral. AND THATS CLEARLY WAHT HAPPENED ON SOME LEVEL.#if you read her hexenbook excerpt she is. quite literallh just sarcastic. blunt. and not emotionally experessive#WHICH ALIGNS WITH THE EXAGGREATED TRAITS SHES LATER CHARACTERIZED AS???#she literally JUST got worse symptoms as a result of trauma. why are we playing it up like this. “Great Sinner” my ass she's a woman ins te#they're all sinenrs if you really think about it. THEYRE IN STEM#-> the way neurodivergent women are demonized for sooo many traits they have just because it doesn't fit the mold of being a 'good women'#NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT THIS. ITS MOND#THEYRE NOTABLY. NOT ALWAYS DOING THE BEST. WITH FREEDOM AND GOOD OPINIONS BC OF VENTI'S ABSENCESSSSSSSSSSSSS#NOSHIT THIS TAKE WOULD COME FROM THEM..... MAKE SOME SENSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#this is no hate because i love mond with alll my heart im just fucking insane over this. venti i love you#crepe rants
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omg and I forgot to mention this earlier but another funny thing about reading the Poe Dameron: Flight Log book:
I had to take a brief pause in the middle of reading because one of the planet stats sections listed the different minerals mined on that planet— and I sent myself down a mental rabbit hole of. like.
“is this taken for granted as (a la tolkien)(hobbit names) a translation from (sw)Basic to English so we’re calling this cadmium and iron and really it’s two totally different words in Basic like blurngle and scrowlsnedge; do the words cadmium and iron exist 1:1 in Basic, and if so how does a word with 19th century Latin-language-based etymology and a word with Proto-Germanic etymology both show up a) in Star Wars at all where there is no Archaic Latin and no Saxons or Germany or language families thereof b) on the same planet when Star Wars usually goes with a one or two cultures per planet ratio; also what is not only the archaic Star Wars etymological landscape like to produce this exact equivalencey but also what is the Star Wars interplanetary mining industrial complex and adjacently their industrial technology history look like to where that coincided with the linguistics aspect in order to somehow arrive at the same conclusion; or, are they different metals entirely in an argument that every element is actually different because it’s a different galaxy? but they’re close enough to the equivalents in ours that we use the same names for them for (again a la tolkien) a better sense of audience familiarity? and if/then logically brings us to the question of different elements existing in different galaxies and what that means on a large intergalactic level of scale when it comes to physics and astronomical spacetime and—”
and then I had to consciously stop myself and go, actually, this is a ~ 100 page book in the Space Wizards cinematic universe, girl you’re going to give yourself a headache giving Lucas et al this much credit. please just roll with it
similarly I had to stop myself from getting to STEM about it when the book said that the paint on Poe’s x wing, Black One, called “ferrosphere paint” jamms enemy missile locks
#sw feels#poe dameron#Poe Dameron flight log#I feel like B’elanna would’ve been doing the same thing though#like truly though you start spiraling into infinity when you start to dissect what’s (to borrow from linguistics again) a false friend word#vs a 1:1 and if so who what when where why how etc or if it’s a hobbit names situation or what the societal and interplanetary dynamics were#like to produce a facsimile and then table of elements comes#in and then you get into terms that do and don’t match like caf and fresher vs coffee and bathroom but then like we still have tunic and#boots and ships and clothing terminology and then you get into what language is ANY of this in is it ALL a hobbits situation and#it’s just linguistically and sociological quagmires all the way down if you don’t consciously put a stopping point on it yknow
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new headcanon time! previously the redness of an uzumaki's hair was connected (or believed to be connected) to their special chakras and sealing prowess.
#mizz reads stuff#naruto the whorl within the spiral#//obvi its different for uzumakis that dont have red hair but yknow what i mean!!#plus mito talking about how the uzumaki were scattered all over cause of war 🥺🥺🥺//#//also if this is just canon dont tell me
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genuine question how the fuck are you supposed to enjoy work when every corporation is if not completely corrupt at least doing some amount of fucked up shit .
#i fear im in a sisyphian mental spiral of 'work is work i do not care / \ i am complicit in the horrors'#< all this over working for a company which has simply chosen to exploit a lack of regulation in the industry for profit. yknow.#like a company WOULD#im so tired .#m#job hell
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Snake pastry
#844#sandaconda#pokemon from memory#Wtf is this thing 😭😭#If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know I usually love snake pokemon#My favorite pokemon is a snake#But this thing is just…idk man it is hard to look at#First of all WHERE does the head connect to the rest of the body??#That first band around its neck doesn’t look connected#So is it just a band overlaying the rest of the body?#The Pokédex refers to a “sand sac” so maybe that’s what the first coil is?#Secondly it looks like a pastry#Yknow the type that’s spiraled and with a bit of cream in the middle#Idk. Visually unappealing design#The pokemon itself looks unhappy to be alive
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jake’s thg verse is the only one in which his father is like. legitimately Proud of him
#i was thinking abt this earlier and went Damn That’s Fucked Up Huh#also fucked myself up thinking abt how different his dad’s reaction would’ve been if like. his brother or sister got reaped#tae is over the reaping age (he’s like 20 when jake is reaped) and hannah is too young at the time but like#had either of them gotten reaped it’d be a different story entirely re: how his family reacted#jake goes so hard because he feels like he has something to prove.#he needs to show his family that he isn’t. totally worthless. that he can be good at something literally Anything#he isn’t stupid! he’s incredibly fucking smart! but everyone just assumes so little of him all the time#his dad tells him ‘i’m so proud of you’ for the first time in his life#and it makes. jake feel a little sick. at the end of it yknow#like wow. me killing people and nearly dying myself is what it took huh. this wasn’t worth it at all !!#and then he lives in that bigass house alone and spirals about it#ANYWAYS. FUCK MAN#I THINK ABT THE WEIRD ASA FAMILY DYNAMIC ALL THE TIME
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#dino.txt#im gonna complain about 5 things at once and purposely make no sense#whats funny is ....i kinda hate this shit too#and before this i was already very tired...so 🤔 FR !!#i think at the end of the day it comes down to lack of prioritisation#i cant force people to do what they 'think' they want to do...yknow#i can bring forward all the plans i want but like...cant even make any fucking intiative#other than saying 'oh id love for us to do this'#i hateee this situation. i dont like it. i dont like anyone right now.#im mad at a lot of things#but i really cant be doing this shit after this. and i havent been! good on me! but thdn this will just flake out#cos everyone's a fucking manchild#but anyways. this is a lesson ive been taught over and over in life#i cannot place my happiness in the hands of others. i only have myself#i dont believe in living in solitude forever. i cant do it#i believe that things will always work out. but i cannot...invest in others. it doesnt work#i just have to focus on myself. i cant invest in other people 😂 i cant protect other people. it cant always be my cross to carry#you would think a nigga named jesus...#and im so scared all the time but im also so numb#there's always a tradgedy around the corner#such is life sure. but ive never been allowed even like a brief respite. but maybe that is right now#i cant get to sleep. i cant get to sleep theres never enough time to be awake#everything is a waste of time. but yesterday i spent good time so#im okay. i hope i get this released this year. anyways. WHATEVER MAN!! ALL IS GOOD!! ONE STEP AT A TIME!!! SUCH IS LIFE!!#I will say. though i spiral im always good at picking myself back up#trauma and tradgedy are very familiar friends in my life#yknow. im just waiting.#im always waiting for the big one. there's always worse always#im waiting for the one big thing i cant come back from#but all i can do is look to the future
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kinda wanna write a fic where the dog is literally the deus ex machina
#sophie speaks#dog backwards is god yknow it makes sense#me and my undertale bullshit back on it again#i have 3 fic ideas for it. one is a meta commentary one is just about a reader with a chronic illness and one is my love for desperate read#-rs returning in full blown massive fashion. and also identity issues but all 3 of these fics have that last one just has that. a lot lot#all include my weird DID metaphors and multiverse shenanigans#because honestly all sans/sans shippers do not understand the weirdness of loving an alternate version of urself#they dont lean into it#i mean im not gonna write sans/sans I'm an x reader till death because i love self love. also sans could not love himself look at that guy#but undertale itself has so many cool themes u can build off of that i just. i wanna grab and squeeze em out like juice#and i mean its not like i can do www at the moment I've written like... 9k this month it ain't going good#might as well just enjoy the depression spiral. i know that doesn't sound very possible but yknow. we rock w it#im just in pain all the time... ill go back to the docs soon and maybe just start taking straight up opiods#but until then i can only do things if i feel there is absolutely 0 pressure on me to do them#once again thanks school system i love these learned behaviors you traumatised into me they're really useful#what was i saying? did i mention im a little scatterbrained atm
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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I keep thinking about yonah meaning dove in hebrew and the idea of kotoko viewing herself as a symbol of peace and salvation....... I'm so *crosses one leg over the other and leans on the table with my elbows, cupping my chin with my hands and batting my eyelashes* it's just so intriguing y’know
#capri talks#milgram#kotoko yuzuriha#sorry I would really love to do a deep dive into that but I have no spoons. but isn't it interesting?????? god i love her#how despondent is she gonna be when Es inevitably disregards her actions in the voice drama huh. she'll not show it but.. yknow.#thinking about how desperately she wants to work in the name of justice for others but.... she has Nobody. how lonely she must feel.#she comes off as a very solitary person who really wants comraderie but can't quite seem to find it anywhere#and she doesn't realise how much she's pushing people away with her violent methods and it just creates this. spiral of isolation#OKAY i'm done talking now because I made myself sad about her T-T#she's very complex and morally grey and like all the other characters has so much to offer if we just view them from all angles 💜
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