#and it’s really awful for everyone involved

[menlove]

nah, you're completely right. like you said, it's really just ridiculous that we can allow for every single abusive man in the beatles narrative to be a flawed, contradictory, sometimes awful person while still admiring their work, fawning over them, and viewing them as complex people. yoko isn't afforded that, and she's not even being afforded that here.

there are a few things i want to say here. it is a little ridiculous to call the stalking "FACT" when the sources are both books written to profit off the story of the beatles. that's not to dog on cynthia or peter brown bc quite genuinely everyone involved with them has done it at some point or another, even the beatles themselves, but if you've read cynthia's book or ANY anecdote based beatles book, you know they come littered with inaccuracies, dramatizations, and things that are just flat out misremembered or remembered completely different by someone else. one review of peter brown's book says this:

But because of Brown and Gaines’s insistence on turning the book into a quasi-biography, extensively covering areas and topics outside of Brown’s own experiences and observations, their lack of citations and specifically identified sources becomes a major weakness in the book’s work. This error is only enhanced by the rampant errors that pepper the book.

does that mean it's Untrue? no- it could be. but it could also be that he's retelling gossip he heard around at the time and embellishing. it could be that she did send him letters or other things (and she did! she sent him a copy of grapefruit, which is often cited as part of her stalking, but she kept a crate of those books and would give them out to critics & other random people- source on that is david sheff who knew her personally and shocker, isn't convinced she's an insane abusive evil witch of a woman like op is saying every single person that's ever known her thinks which is just blatantly untrue) because that was part of her art, and this snowballed and got embellished into "she was an insane and crazy stalker who wouldn't stop sending letters to his house". it could be that she DID stalk him and did everything cynthia & peter brown said to the last word! the point is though, that isn't fact and we dont know what went on.

she also did, in fact, have custody of kyoko and not knowing that after this much research is honestly like a little embarrassing. she was granted full custody of her daughter and tony cox left with her. i'm not even going to cite that one because it's easy enough to open up google, but she had full custody of kyoko at the time that she disappeared and her father failed to produce her. in fact, john has said him, allen klein, and tony cox are primarily to blame for what happened with kyoko. yoko didn't want to involve lawyers because she knew it would scare tony off, but john & klein wanted to go after him for full custody. and bulldogged him. and scared him off.

as for sam havadtoy- we genuinely do not know the circumstances of that relationship and pretending that we do because you don't like her is just aggravating. from a lot of sources, we know yoko & john were likely headed towards divorce by 1980. we don't have any concrete proof one way or another if sam & yoko had started a sexual relationship before or after, nor do we have any clue how john felt like it. if he was on his way back to england and they were on their way to divorce, it could be that he was aware of it and glad. i mean, hell, in loving john we see a similar situation where yoko finally starts saying she wants a divorce and then while her and john are still on friendly terms after that, she tells him she fucked david spinozza and he's genuinely happy for her for finding someone else bc he didn't want her to be lonely. is that what happened with sam? i have no idea, and neither does anyone else who wasn't there. but that's the point. you don't know what happened, how much of it john approved of, how much he knew, what the boundaries and circumstances of their relationship were by 1980, nothing. we don't have that information.

but even if all of this was 100% undeniable fact (which it really isn't), it doesn't change the fact that this fandom has an extreme hypocrisy issue when it comes to yoko ono. here op says she never apologized in comparison to john- when has he apologized, exactly? he's expressed remorse many times about his anger issues, but many times after he expressed this he would continue to do horrible things to the people around him. in loving may, one of op's sources here, he continually physically abuses her while extremely drunk and in the morning apologizes all over himself only to do it again in like a month. and while he's expressed regret over how he treated cynthia, or women in general, did may pang ever get an apology? a public one? was he on a genuine path to recovery and being a better person? i think so. i genuinely do think so. but we can't pretend like he wasn't a deeply selfish, manipulative, abusive, insecure person who hurt a lot of people (mainly women) in his life and did not show anywhere near the amount of self reflection that should've inspired.

and the thing is, i don't want to have to sit here and write a paragraph of the shitty things john has done bc it shouldn't even be relevant to the conversation, but it is. because if we can all sit down and see him as a complex human being deserving of empathy and love despite his flaws, if we can sit here and write and read hundreds of thousands of words about him, if we can appreciate who he was as a person without boiling down his personality to "evil abuser", you can do the same for a woman. it wont make your head explode. and even just this post is riddled with the same sort of hypocrisy. yoko is a horrible untrustworthy person for moving on to sam havadtoy so fast after john & not speaking a lot about him even now. but paul, we have no issue with how fast he moved on after linda died and everyone is capable of having enough empathy to realize grief does insane things to a person and someone "moving on" quickly after their spouse dies isn't an indicator of how they felt about them. if we can see that with paul & linda, why is it so hard with yoko? similarly, does paul hate his current wife nancy because he doesn't talk a whole lot about her and focuses on the beatles and john and linda more? or is it that he's focusing on what people want to hear? again, why do we have that empathy and nuance when it comes to paul, and we can't with yoko?

it's not that she's never done horrible things or that she's an upstanding, great person. she's not. she did a lot of awful shit and some of that is here (some of it is incredibly embellished here lmao) but she is also just a fucking person, man. like she's just a person. and if you want to hold her accountable for the shit she did, go ahead, but the problem comes in the fact that we do not act the same way with any of the beatles. and i can point out a pretty obvious difference as to why.

since some of y’all don’t get it :

yoko stalked john.

she’d wait for days outside his home, making both him and his family uncomfortable. she’d send him letters telling him that she’d kill herself if he didn’t support her (if you don’t realize how emotionally abusive this is i pity you ) she forced herself into his life.

she introduced him to heroin. she lied about not knowing who he was before meeting him at her art show and she had already met paul before him.

she manipulated him. she arranged his affair with may so that she would get him back whenever she wanted. she would never tell him about the phone calls of his friends and family. 

she planned to divorce him and everyone working for her knew about it and spoke about it. people working at dakota commented on how unhealthy their relationship was. jack douglas (the producer of double fantasy) said they would record their songs separately because she “drove him crazy in the studio”. she sent him off to bermuda while probably already starting an affair with sam havadtoy and getting back on her drug habits. sam moved in with her shortly after john’s death and they were together for twenty whole years. in an interview he literally describes them as “boyfriend and girlfriend” .she talked about john wanting to go back to england at the time of his death and some of his audio diaries prove how depressed he was (along with the nostalgic songs he recorded at that period).

she made julian buy his own letters and his father’s stuff. she treated him and the rest of the family horribly. literally noone in john’s family or group of friends and coworkers liked her.

she was in a mental institute back in japan. she didn’t get the custody of her own daughter. she is an emotionally abusive and problematic person.

i’m not saying john was a child with no opinion of his own.but she really took advantage of his bad mental health and abandonment issues.

so it really saddens me that she gets to profit off of john’s legacy and managed to exclude everyone.

saying you dislike her for “breaking up the beatles “ is just lazy, since there are many more problems. so what i’m saying is :

did people initially dislike her because of their racism and misogyny? most probably.

does she deserve to be redeemed after her horrible behavior? certainly not.

[yakjs]

One sided competition with Clark Kent

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔* summary : As a reporter at the Daily Planet, you’ve never hidden your disdain for Clark Kent — too clean, too polished, too perfect. Always mild-mannered and annoyingly kind, can’t help but take your place as employee of the month which his extraordinary access to Superman newest interviews which you find boring. But it doesn’t explain why you keep thinking about him even out of office, when you’re both too clueless (and too stubborn) to notice what’s really brewing between interview sessions, lunch breaks, and way-too-good cups of coffee. Maybe, you’ll get your interview of Superman as well…and more ･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Content: Fluff with just a hint of emotional chaos, Clark Kent being an adorable loser (in a suit)c Superman being the same loser, just in spandex, Office crushes that are painfully obvious to everyone but the people involved, A love story built one awkward conversation at a time, Light teasing from Lois, Jimmy & co, Banter that slowly turns into confessions

_______________________________________________

I had found the best sources in the whole entire city. I had met Hawkgirl at a random bar downtown. She was around my age, probably younger if I was honest, and we had hit it off immediately. I had smiled and did my whole scenery with my long lashes and looking up and down before I actually realized who she was. Unlike Superman, she was very open with her identity, and before I realized it, she was telling me a whole bunch of stuff.

Now, I’m not the type of sneaky reporter who lies to their sources and, when they wake up the next morning, whatever they said to a pretended stranger is on the front page of the Daily Planet. Actually, I was the opposite. The second I realized whatever I’m listening to will be interesting for an article, I immediately warn the person and ask them if I can record them. Not because I was scared of being “sneaky,” but first because it felt awful to play pretend with someone and stab them behind their backs, even if a good check is at the end of it. But also because my uni friend, Gemma, did exactly this and was sued and shamed until she became a printer since nobody ever trusted her again. And I won’t be like Gemma.

I went, and the second she started talking to me about the “stupid Justice again,” I warned her. She was not only a literal hawk-woman and could tear me apart, but also because she seemed genuinely nice. And I liked her. She agreed to give me this kind of “small niche interview,” and it was so great. Now, I would be able to steal the spotlight from Kent for at least a day. I hoped. If he didn’t come up with an out-of-nowhere Superman interview, as if that man lives in his closet.

In excitement for my arrival to the office this morning, knowing for once I was not going to be under the huge and massive shadow of Kent, I was actually happy and couldn’t wait to get there. I wore my favorite boot heels – they were high, deep brown suede and they almost reached my knee. I let white socks stick out a little. I was so happy I wore a skirt to work. Of course, I didn’t forget to put on my favorite tights, which I bought for a fortune because they never rip. How can they be almost see-through and never break? The black skirt I wore was shorter than I usually go for, but it’s because if it reached my knee, it’d look ridiculous, and the black turtleneck balanced it out. Anyway, I couldn’t be more attention-grabbing than Cat. I bet she’ll like it.

I made my best ponytails, Barbie-looking. If Barbie had become a brunette—maybe I was more Raquelle anyway. She was more fiery and annoying. I loved that about her. I remember hating Barbie Dreamhouse, because of how boring she was. She was always so naive about everything, she never thought things through. In the movies, on the other hand, she was so passionate about whatever the movie was about. I wish they had made a journalist Barbie; I would have absolutely adored her.

As I took my coffee, with mostly milk and vanilla syrup rather than actual coffee, I remembered that piece I wrote maybe three months ago. It was about how, now that metahumans are a part of our everyday life, Superman is an alien from a whole other planet, and everyone seems so chill about it. Me too. But it made me think about how, if you told anyone a decade or two ago, they would’ve lost their shit about this. They wouldn’t believe it. Hell, they might even throw a war or something against them all. They’d see them as a threat. Maybe they did at the beginning. But now, it’s like everything is possible. We have a literal Hawkgirl. We have a man able to create everything that is possible with the sole power of a ring. We have the smartest man on Earth who is able to create and resolve absolutely everything. And then, there’s freaking Superman. Who is literally the ameliorated version of us, who heals thanks to the sun. What has become normal—our reality—is somehow so fantastic, straight out of sci-fi movies or comics. The article was a bunch of ideas from random people I had found on the street answering a single question: What else do you think could be real?

A lot of them said mermaids, others talked about humanoids, and a little girl said Barbie.

Now if Barbie appeared, I think I might have a stroke. But it’d be a heck of a front page, and I’d run myself to beg for an interview. But even in my imagination, Clark Kent got the exclusive. Maybe his friend Superman would allow him to. Maybe Superman would actually walk over my body to let Kent have the interview. I mean, at this point they may be brothers—or like cousins. The guy is huge. He could be a super-whatever.

Maybe he is.

Now that’s a lot of thought given to him. I’m aware of that. But he just gets under my skin. I used to own the Daily Planet. First day as an intern, I had the scoop of the month. I had taken down and highlighted a corruption scandal within the pharmaceutical industry that made hair transplants a nightmare. I had my picture on the wall of best interns. And then he walks in, and my picture gets taken down because the man gets a freaking interview with Superman on his first day. Ever since, he’s gotten one every other day.

With Cat, we even started to think he’s making them up. He’s lying to himself. But he’s so nice, it’s impossible to talk behind his back without feeling as guilty as ever. So to not make it look bad, I told him. In front of everybody, over a drink. And Cat, and Jimmy, and Lois tried to make it look like we weren’t insane. But I was serious. I was deadass mad.

I love to be on top of things. I give 100% of myself in that job. I don’t even think about anything else. And here he comes, and he seems so effortless at doing better than all of us. He’s like… awfully perfect. It drives me crazy.

On that note, I stood up, my back very much straight, and my smile added. If he comes up with a Superman interview—especially after the bomb he killed last night or whatever—I hate that guy now. It’s like he haunts my day at the Daily Planet. I miss when a scoop was about real-life people, even from our community, and not whatever Superman does and doesn’t. I miss old journalism.

I put on my headphones and blasted music. I’m losing my hearing because of this, but I can’t help it. I played “Rising the Moon” to start the day on a calm and chill note. For once, it wasn’t raining—the sun was even out. I rushed into the train, and before I knew it, I was greeting the security guy in front of the building. Joe, that’s his name. He’s so nice. Once he even lent me his umbrella.

“Hi Joe.”

“Hi Melissa.”

“Good start of the day.”

“Always,” he smiled.

I waved at him and pushed the door to the Daily Planet.

Everyone, as always, was buzzing around—rushing, pistols, coffee, papers flying everywhere. God, I love that place. Quickly, I found my way back to our corner and settled my bag next to Cat, who always arrives way earlier for some reason.

First thing I always do is get my story printed and take a coffee while it’s printing. Then, I run to Perry when he arrives.

As I drank yet another coffee full of sugar, I was catching up with Cat. I didn’t even have time to run to Perry because the second he arrived—perfect, tall, blue-eyed, smiley, broad-shouldered and good-looking Clark Kent had arrived late—yet again—and had, you guessed it, an amazing one-and-only interview with freaking Superman. I grabbed my papers and rushed to Perry. I was trying to keep up with the pace of the enormous guy next to me.

“Perfect Kent, you prepared me that one.”

“Wait,” I almost shouted in a voice way higher than usual. “I have an exclusive interview with the Hawkgirl, where she explains her dynamic with the Justices, and the functioning of missions, etc… She’s never done interviews officially before. It’s a one-and-only.

He stopped rushing through the hall and stopped to stare at both of us. He looked back and forth, at us and our papers.

“Sorry Lissa, we’ll publish yours tomorrow. What happened yesterday needs first page. People almost died. Better be great though.” He gave me an understanding look before turning to Kent. “I want that ready by 9 AM.”

And then he just disappeared back to his desk and let us hang there. Worst part, I could feel the pity and understanding look of Clark on me. I was boiling. I wore my best dress, I made the interview that any journal would have put front page, it was the first one ever made of Hawkgirl. And he throws it away, for a random and boring story of Superman.

“Melissa,” he starts with his deep voice that is too deep, actually. He should change that.

“Don’t even,” I sent him a death threat with my eyes. I walked back to my desk, and since he’s right next to me, he’s following me. How great!

He puts his bag on his desk and seems to hesitate before sitting on his own chair. Oh my God. It’s not like I’m going to crash out on him the second he sits down.

“Melissa,” he started, and I knew everybody was looking. “I know you hate when I do that, but I’m going to apologize for the front page. Again.”

“Again,” I peeked, trying to sound not as offended as I was. I knew everybody saw what happened because I nearly shouted. And now I’m humiliated and I worked for a delayed front line. I’m exhausted. No. Actually, I’m mad. And his stupid apologies, that he actually meant, are worse than if he was faking and I had an actual rival. I’m alive, fighting a guy who doesn’t even have to compete with me to get absolutely everything.

“I’m sure your interview is amazing, and tomorrow—”

“Mm, shouldn’t have said that,” Jimmy ticked.

I turned to Clark and set my eyes right into his. Even sitting down, I had to look up, and I hated that. I got closer to his face and said exactly what I thought. “You know what I think, Clark?” I bent my head a little to actually stare right into his eyes and steeled my arm in front of his on the desk we both share. “I think your interviews are useless. Who cares what Superman felt about any attack? What about the people, actually? The guy won’t die, he’s just going to be fine, and everybody saw what he did on TV already. And every single time, whatever thing you’re writing, it never brings insight on anything. It’s never about what people felt, what they even thought. It’s always ‘Oh, I’m Superman and I think that.’ And that’s it? No soul, no community. Just a single guy who does amazing things, yes. But that’s not journalism. That’s just reporting. You’re reporting over and over again the same point of view, about the same issues, and nothing is ever deep enough to be captivating. You’re a great writer, but you never write. You just transcribe. Like a robot. Like you don’t have any opinion whatsoever about this guy or what he’s doing.”

A little silence went on. I could tell he was flustered, and I regretted it immediately. He fixed his glasses and grinned. “Thank you for saying I’m a great writer. And thank you for your insight on my papers. I think you’re right.”

I exhaled. “You’re thanking me?”

“Well, yes. I think your critiques are right.”

“Right. Well, you’re welcome, Kent.” I tried to sound genuine.

I threw my printed interview in the bin and convinced myself not to throw my head into my arms like a toddler and cry. Perfect guy next to me who smells like aftershave and never sweats even though it looks like he’s always running somewhere. And he took way too much space. I regretted choosing the desk near the wall. I really did. I feel cornered. Like he was trapping me. Fortunately, he stood up to get whatever he’s always getting.

Lois and Jimmy went up in front of my desk, and Cat even brought me a chocolate bar.

“It’s okay. Maybe you’ll even get used to it,” Lois said. “Because I have. I almost went crazy.”

“I’m sure your interview is going to be amazing,” Cat said. “And then you’ll get more front pages.”

“I don’t know, I feel so disappointed. I was so excited. I wore a skirt to work. I ruined my dinner with my friends last night to get that interview,” I was whining, and I hated myself for that.

“And it looks great too!” Cat said.

“Well, you know you can still try to get a Superman interview. I guess you’ll be the next employee of the month. You know. An interview with insight,” Jimmy said.

To that idea, I raised my head. “Wait, you’re right, Jimmy.”

“Wow, that’s a sentence I never heard you say before.”

“No but really. If I beg enough, do you think Kent will tell me how to get an interview with Superman?”

“Mel, I have tried absolutely everything to get him to tell me. He just blushed and brushed it off,” Lois said. “I even tried begging. Like on my knees.”

I chuckled. “Well then, I hope it’s going to turn out better for me.”

I turned to his side. « Where is Kent, actually ? »

« Once again, a sentence never heard before. »

« Haha, » I sarcastically said.

« What? Sometimes it does feel like you hate him, » Jimmy shrugged his shoulders.

« And he feels bad about it too, » Lois said, taking a sip of her coffee while sitting back at her desk.

« Aww, poor guy. He’s so cute too, » Cait tapped my arm.

« Cait, » I turned to her, offended. « Why are you making me feel bad ? »

« I don’t know, ’Liss. You know I love Clark. He always remembers how to make my favorite coffee. »

« Right. Me too, » I sighed. « You think I went too hard on him? »

« I think you’re the only person who ever did. See that little surprised face? »

« Stop babying him, he’s a grown man. »

« Yeah. You sure noticed, » she jumped off my desk and went back to hers giggling.

I rolled my eyes. Well, it’s hard not to. The guy’s a freaking bear or something.

Of course, he came back and sat here like everything was normal. He put a coffee next to me — which is better than the one I make myself — took off his blazer, and usually we both start working quietly, then talk with the others when we miss a word, or anything, really. It’s really great to have a good work environment, and I actually sat back a little, thinking I might be taking that experience away from myself and Clark by being so grumpy.

I promised myself that at lunch break I’d actually force a nice conversation. And excuse myself.

I started typing back my interview and tried to put together an excellent article, trying to firmly believe it will be front page tomorrow.

We all worked for a few hours before it was finally lunch break. I started picking up my stuff while chatting with the others. We usually eat our lunch here, but sometimes we go take a dessert outside. As always, Kent volunteered to go.

And for once, I volunteered to go with him.

He looked at me like he thought I was lying. When he realized I wasn’t, he smiled a bit — but more like he was unsure than excited. I could never tell what was on his mind. He was either too nice to be true and an actual psycho, or he really was that nice and kind. And in a way, that was also terrifying.

The others, too, looked at me like I was lying. But I wasn’t.

I took my bag and looked up at Kent. « We’re going ? » I asked rhetorically. I was already walking.

I heard him trot a little next to me. When he reached my side, he walked slower. It felt like a normal pace to me, but it looked like he was slowing down. Then I realized — he was walking slower so I didn’t have to keep up with him.

Then he held the door for me.

For some reason, it pissed me off.

As we walked on the street, the silence didn’t even feel heavy. He looked like he was… normal.

Before I realized, we had bought everything we were asked for, and we were on our way back. I decided to grab my courage and force a conversation.

« Clark, » I started, and he turned to me, then looked down. At me.

« You never called me Clark before. »

« I didn’t ? »

« No, you never did. That’s okay, but it’s just surprising. »

He stared at me and I actually looked away. The blue of his eyes is pretty intense. It looks like he can scan me with X-ray vision or something.

« Well, I wanted to say… I’m sorry for this morning. I know I can be… bitter when I get competitive. »

« Competitive ? Are we in a competition ? »

My mouth fell open.

________________________________

[rdkatd]

Pregnancy [Headcanons]

Price At first, there’s a flicker of surprise — the weight of responsibility settling in immediately. His face tightens for a moment, thinking about the future, the dangers he can’t control. Then, his eyes soften. He doesn’t say much, but he reaches out, takes her hand steady and firm. Quietly tells her, “We’ll handle this. Together.” Later, when alone, maybe he lets out a rare, rough chuckle — a mix of pride and awe — before calling home to tell his closest family.

Gaz His usual confident grin falters just a second, then breaks into a wide, almost goofy smile. He jokes about naming the kid after himself but gets serious fast, voice warm and a little breathless. “You’re making me a dad?” He cups her face, maybe even gets a little teary, but hides it with a laugh. Then he’s texting everyone he trusts, already planning baby room colors and embarrassing stories.

Ghost Takes a deep breath and blinks a few times, processing it quietly. He’s not a man of many words, so at first, it’s just silence — but it’s the kind of silence that’s full, thoughtful, and heavy with meaning. He pulls her close, whispering, “We’ve got a new mission now.” Might surprise her later with something small, like a book on parenting or a promise to be there, no matter what.

Soap Instant grin. He’s excited but also a little nervous — it’s a big deal. He wraps his arms around her, spins her if he can, laughing. “We’re gonna be parents? No way.” He starts asking questions immediately: names, plans, how she’s feeling. Probably calls the team later with the news, boasting but also a bit overwhelmed. He’d stay up half the night reading about diapers and cribs.

Roach Smiles softly, almost shyly. Doesn’t jump around or joke, but his eyes light up with quiet joy. He squeezes her hand and says something like, “We’re gonna be a family.” He’s already thinking about what kind of future he can give the kid — calm, safe, full of small moments. Probably sends her a sweet, nerdy text about it later, like a little inside joke between them.

Graves His tough exterior cracks just a little. His jaw tightens, and there’s a flicker of disbelief — then pride. He doesn’t go overboard with emotion, but you can see it in his eyes. “We’re in this together,” he says quietly, voice low but steady. Later, he might throw a small party or take her somewhere special, showing his pride without saying it outright.

Alejandro Warmth floods his face the moment she tells him. He pulls her close, kisses her forehead, and whispers promises about family and legacy. He’s proud, protective, and already thinking about names and traditions. His voice softens in a way she’s probably never heard before. He wants the whole family involved as soon as possible — celebrations, meals, prayers.

Rodolfo Eyes widen, a soft smile spreads, and for a moment he’s speechless — then he laughs softly, almost nervously. “I can’t believe this is happening.” He’s tender but cautious, already thinking about how to provide and protect. He’ll start planning immediately but makes sure she knows he’s there for every step. Quietly, he might tear up when he sees her later.

König Heart pounds in his chest. His face flushes, and he looks away briefly — overwhelmed but happy. He might stumble over his words, telling her, “This is… good. Really good.” He’s the type to bottle up emotion, but he’ll surprise her with small gestures: a soft hug, an extra coffee, a hand-written note. Deep down, it terrifies and thrills him all at once.

Horangi Grins wide, teasing at first, “So you’re making me a dad, huh? Guess I better get my act together.” But then his voice softens and he pulls her close. He’s excited, full of energy but also genuinely moved. He starts planning wild adventures for the family but also promises to be there — for the sleepless nights and the messy diapers.

Keegan His calm breaks for a moment — eyes wide, mouth slightly open. Then he closes the gap between them, voice steady but soft: “We’ll make it work.” He doesn’t gush, but his whole body relaxes as the reality sinks in. He’s already mentally mapping out how to keep everyone safe and happy. Doesn’t say much, but his quiet confidence says it all.

Hesh Laughs, almost in disbelief, then pulls her into a big bear hug. “You’re serious? This is amazing.” His usual loud energy doubles — he’s already imagining teaching the kid to fish, surf, and be a badass. He might get a little goofy, teasing her about cravings or baby names, but underneath, he’s full of heart and ready to protect his new family.

Logan Soft smile, slow blink. He reaches for her hand and doesn’t let go. “We’ve got a lot ahead of us,” he says quietly. He’s not the guy to jump up and shout, but his steady presence is everything she’ll need. He’ll start making plans in his head — quiet, safe places, good schools, strong roots. His eyes might glisten a bit later, but he’d never let her see.

[faineantgrl]

ok. i made a post throwing my hat into the ring of solving mike from deltarune. now i gotta talk about my personal white whale.

This Asshole.

"it can't be that bad. theres nothing to solve hes just some guy"

THATS THE PROBLEM.

this game series does NOT do "just some guy". the closest you get is one-off name mentions for the sake of Needs A Name, like with twitch chat. this game series keeps its cast of characters TIGHT. reusing a character in multiple plot beats means they're important.

but we don't know shit. bandito7 is SO CLOSE to ACTUALLY being important in Every Single Way.

7 is a number that is one up from 6, a VERY important number in the games. his steam profile picture looks like a duck, but from the game its from, its actually a goose. hes a friend of luke carder yet seems to have no involvement in inscryption. which you think he would because secrets of legendaria became a card game, inscryption The Video Game is a gamefuna work, and i dont think luke would realistically keep his mouth shut about a mysterious game too large for the floppy disc its in and yet is able to be in it. inscryption takes over multiple days. bandito7 would be all up in that business. and yet hes not! what!

in most segments of the hex that feature community reactions bandito7 is almost always there. bandito7 arguably is one of the biggest butterfly wing flaps that leads to lionel snill's death, with his wasteworld mod.

and one of the things about the characters of daniel mullins is that every one of them is deeply flawed, and those that show themself as not are usually the worst of the flawed. and yet bandito7 hasn't really done anything to indicate that he may be suspicious [and tbh if bandito7 is lost soul all over again i may throw a fit].

everyone in daniel mullins games recieve awful fates or intentionally inflict it. bandito7 does neither. but bandito7 is important enough that nearly all the characters in the hex bring him up in their segments. i bet you money he will somehow show up in panda circus unscathed

other than his online name and the fact his pronouns are PROBABLY he/him, we dont know anything else about bandito. for all we know hes a 70 year old grandma. he could be another mike-eteer situation. he could be you. he could be me. he could be driving the plane.

TELL ME THE NAME OF GOD YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

[bunnyprincessbecca]

I don’t usually make text posts as I’m super lazy, but as someone with OCD herself, I think Kris from Deltarune is hands down THE BEST representation of what it’s like to live with OCD. I’d thought this way since the moment I encountered chapter 3’s weird route as it makes it abundantly clear that Kris has been involved in something very traumatic in the past and that one of their deepest fears is their capacity for harm. They clearly care about their friends so deeply and would never want to harm them, but they are afraid of this capacity within themselves. This is by far my most deeply rooted fear as well. I pride myself SO much on being a good and moral person and doing literally everything in my power to be as caring and kind to others as possible but I always worry that all my goodness is just a facade hiding my true dark nature hidden deep down. It’s honestly so debilitating. I used to be unable to go to sleep at night unless I recited a very lengthy prayer wishing for all my loved one’s safely as well as wishing to stay on the right path and do the right thing, never hurting others and always making everyone I care about proud. And when I say I was unable to sleep at night without reciting it, I mean I would spend literally an hour sometimes reciting all this because if I felt like I didn’t say it sincerely enough or correctly I’d have to recite it all again from the beginning. I was afraid that if I didn’t do it correctly and then someone I cared about got hurt that it would all be my fault. I still recite this prayer but if I do it a bit wrong I don’t feel the need to redo it (growth yay!!!) I know Kris doesn’t do all this, but I’m saying all this to explain how my fear of being evil or hurting someone is arguably the most debilitating thing about having it. But then I saw a wonderful video by a YouTuber named Karanttu (linked below all this) which suggested that the options we are given in the game all are options Kris themselves has as thoughts of their own and that the negative options are Kris’s intrusive thoughts that they are opposed to and of course don’t want to act on, but still are thinking of. I of course struggle with horrible intrusive thoughts too and they are in large part why I’m so afraid that I’m bad deep down. I’m worried that my intrusive thoughts are the true me even if they represent everything I am so vehemently against. They also suggested that Kris willingly gives up their agency to us as the player in part because of their promise to Carol (which we don’t really know the details of yet) but also because they are deeply afraid of themselves. This also made me think because honestly if I had the chance to give up my autonomy to another person, so long as I was able to make sure they weren’t totally awful, I would take up that offer. I already give up my agency whenever I can in the sense that I always rely on others to make choices for me. I’m extremely obedient to authority figures and specifically to my parents in large part because I don’t trust myself to make the right choices. Even outside of authority figures I’m very compliant to others so long as they don’t go against my morals to an egregious degree. I wrote this in my comment in that video but I just lack any trust or confidence in myself and am so worried I’ll mess things up and only have myself to blame and so just doing what other people tell me to at least gives me the excuse that it wasn’t really my personal choice. It’s just like how I always hate driving because even though I can, I acknowledge the fact that even if I do everything right I still have the capacity to harm others immensely by total accident or just not having good enough reflexes. As a result I prefer having other people drive me because then at least if something happens I don’t have myself to blame. It’s things like this that really make me understand Kris and why they do the things they do and their character has honestly been really important to me🩷

Link to the video: https://youtu.be/i4cHKITnz1I?si=p4lM2XgjJSeuNJE7

[aberfaeth]

really special to me that mordecai is the only one out there telling carl to be selfish. to make sure he’s okay first. and it’s impossible to know what percentage of his motivation is because he doesn’t need carl to risk his ass like the others do, because he gets more money the longer carl survives, or because. y’know. he cares about him

[lexosaurus]

I've been having some thoughts for a while. Please forgive me from breaking my "no politics" trend. (And for those concerned, dw, this is a positive post.)

So I'm wrapping up my second year working for a small, tight-knit district in their special ed department. Most of my time is spent working with some pretty extreme behaviors; I hear "fuck you" and "suck my cock" pretty regularly, along with threats to my physical existence, which is fine because for whatever I show online, in real life it takes quite a lot more than some teenager with behavior/emotional/intellectual disabilities to rattle me. And while there's been a couple close calls, and I'm sure I'll get punched eventually, so far I seem to be getting through my day pretty unscathed.

(I do feel the need to note here that I LOVE working with this population, I love my job, my students are absolutely hilarious and they are incredibly bright! But, given the essence of our program, many of them deal with some intense emotions/behaviors, which is the crux of this whole post).

Because of how my students can often react and respond to various life situations in some pretty extreme ways, from nudity to violence, we've had several situations in the last year where the local police or the school SRO have had to get involved, both in school and out of school.

And it's been extremely cool to see that all of these encounters have resulted in deescalation without anyone getting hurt.

The reason for this, when talking to an officer (because yes, I have gotten to know the local police department), is in the wake of BLM, a greater emphasis on community outreach was established in this community. And through this expectation, the police got to know people much more than they had before, including all the kids in the quickly growing special ed program.

So, when a big teen boy is in public with a knife he stole from his house threatening to stab someone, the police knows this kid, knows he's disabled, and is able to talk him down without putting a hand on him.

The public opinion of the local police force is so positive, that some of my students who are in and out of the hospital regularly see the police station as their safe place. Because at night when everything else is closed and they are having a breakdown and can't sleep, they feel like hurting themselves, and maybe their parents are unavailable or they just don't feel comfortable confiding in them, where else can the kid go to talk to an adult who can help them but the local police station? I think it's really amazing that my students can do that.

Obviously, this community has a lot going for them. The police are well-funded, the crime rate is pretty low, the outreach programs are great, the community puts a heavy emphasis on school so parents are very involved and we have no shortage of volunteers or people to help put on events or just get this funding thing passed in the town that will go directly toward bettering the community, etc.

But I just see this as such a cool case study in a police department having a truly positive impact on the community. I think it's amazing that I have had the opportunity to witness this firsthand, and I hope as a society we can get to a point where things are like this everywhere.

[myrmica]

some loose thoughts on The Full Story of WORMHOLE: Minecraft’s Deadliest Exploit...

largely building on thoughts i had while watching it with my partner, and conversations i had on discord (shoutout will 75hearts irrealisms). i started writing notes in the s4 directory and it got away from me so it's a post now. disclaimer also that while i am very critical here, i still found the video interesting. the problems with it are interesting problems. second disclaimer that everything is about vitalasy (and princezam) forever.

the video is presented as The Full Story, the Truth, things spoke didn’t want to show during season 4 or in the videos he released about it then, because it would make him look too bad. he says this about it in a youtube comment, before it's released:

the first hour or so of this video succeeds incredibly in being what he says it’s going to be; you get information we’ve never heard before about the dupe war and spoke’s thought processes therein. you get this, the best moment of the entire video:

[51:00 - 54:40] Spoke: I'm not kidding when I say this, but this was probably the angriest I've ever been while playing minecraft. Not only was I so dumbfounded that I really just sat there popping totems, but after I died I was dead silent for 15 minutes. Except for the few times I practiced the lies I would have to tell Mapicc and Zam, to somehow save this plan. [Video cuts to that recording of Spoke talking to himself after he respawns. He wanders around the post-dupe-war wasteland, no items in his inventory.] Spoke: What was the thought process? [cut] I just wanna ask, what—[cut] I'm really curious… about the thought process of this one. [cut] Come here for a second—[cut] So here's the first issue. [cut] Here's the problem I see with this thinking. [cut] I thought you were very well aware of the intentions. [cut] there's a difference between... and prolonging—[cut]—I need to keep going with the plan. I want to get back to the vault. [cut back to voiceover] Spoke: I needed a way to somehow gain their trust back and keep the vault safe, so I wouldn't be banned. At first I thought about telling them my plan to trick Parrot into doing the exploit, but I already had too much on the line to risk something like that. The second idea was telling them the lie I told Parrot, about doing this for the NPPP, but that would just confirm their beliefs and they would for sure pocket the duped items. The only idea I had left was to tell them... I scripted this. A couple months before these events, I ran a staged roleplay server called Unstable, and I would invite these guys on for the scripted recordings. So I already had that stigma with me, and I assumed if I just told them I was helping the enemy find the vault for content, that I learned my lesson or something, they would forgive me and let me back. I knew from there I just had to go on with the plan in a different way, so I joined a call with them. But I didn't realize how bad I truly messed up. [cut to that call] Spoke: So what's the plan? Mapicc: Spoke, you—[exhales]—you've given us so many reasons not to trust you. Spoke: Which is? Mapicc: You speak ominously, you have a bad record, you're—you were in contact with Parrot the entire time. Vortex called me and said there are at least three or four double agents that are on Team Awesome right now, that are actually on Parrot's side. Spoke: Christ. You guys—okay, okay, i'm just gonna be completely clean, bro. Parrot's a double agent on APO. Parrot is an obvious double agent on APO. But he's not a double agent in content, guys. He's a double agent to make the story better. I literally have not told them the base coords to make this more interesting. Mapicc: The base is gone, Spoke. Spoke: YOU BLEW IT UP? Mapicc: we took— Spoke: WHAT THE--WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Mapicc: We took a ridiculous amount of money and we're hiding far away, Spoke. Spoke: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY. [cut to narration] Spoke: There was literally no point in me continuing this lie, since the vault was confirmed to be gone. But, what you're about to see is what no content creator should do on any SMP. And despite me using quote-unquote content and entertainment against them to get my way, all I really did was ruin their videos.

my whole point in the barrier blocks essay about season 4 was that lifesteal’s storytelling is competitive. and it is something weaponized on screen in season 4 plenty of times, but it’s never so blatant as this. It’s never admitted like this. Spoke outright saying, “i fucked everyone else over so i could get my video.” I never considered that the scripting thing might be a flat out lie like this. even though i knew spoke was ultimately doing all of that as part of the plan to get parrot in position for wormhole, and even though i came to the conclusion that dupe war couldn’t really have been “scripted” in a way that mattered even without knowing that spoke was lying about this, because WHY would you LIE ABOUT THIS?

It’s kind of beautiful. the perfect piece of information about season 4 to tie it all up in a bow.

and it’s incredible for being this albeit brief, raw glimpse into spoke’s mind. a completely off camera moment that nobody ever would have seen. something you never, ever get from spoke, who rarely streams, and refuses to let other players see inside of his head, or even have real conversations with him in season 4. whose power is predicated on maintaining that exact distance. because it all falls apart if you get to hear how he feels underneath it all, if you get to see the way everything he does in season 4 is nothing but madly improvising lie after lie, trying to keep the tower he’s built intact even as it is constantly at risk of falling out from under him. It’s spoke making himself for once truly vulnerable, truly seen.

but… AFTER this point, the video largely loses this undercurrent of emotional vulnerability that sells the whole thing’s premise. It doesn’t matter if spoke is lying about minutiae in that first part of the video, fudging dates and summarizing events, because the emotional honesty matters so much more. but a lot of the threads spoke presents to us in the beginning of the video never feel like they actually get delivered on, and this window into his mind is closed to us again. It feels like he falls back into the motions of just, making a lifesteal video, making a minecraft youtube video. this moment with the dupe war feels like something legitimately special and unique, precisely because of that element of vulnerability. It’s probably the closest a lifesteal video has ever come to capturing the parts of lifesteal that i love, the things you only really get on stream where it’s much harder to keep up the sort of powerplays spoke relies on.

unfortunately you are hardwired to make youtube videos and there is no saving you. I would wager there are two full hours of reused footage that adds basically nothing. and it’s the worst deflationary effect i’ve ever seen. the tension builds to this crazy height and then it’s just gone and you’re watching, dr. donut vip day. poopies the endermite nonsense. nothing against poopies the endermite nonsense, but you show me all of that and then you expect me to watch you fuck around with minecraft mobs for 40 minutes straight?

and just as a side note, it’s edited in the most confusing way possible. i think this was heightened for me because i watched it with my partner who isn’t quite as into lifesteal as i am, but this video is comprised of: 1) brand new footage and new voiceovers by spoke explaining his current feelings/reflections on what happened then, 2) old stream footage, and 3) footage from old videos that spoke previously uploaded, including the editing choices from those old videos. none of these things are ever flagged or indicated to the viewer, you have no real way of knowing which is which unless you’ve seen all of those old streams and videos. and this carries over into the way spoke presents information to you, because it’s still largely done in the rapid-fire information summary, telling instead of showing style that plagues these videos. i don’t know how you are expected to absorb any information from this narration style if you don’t already know the minute details of everything that happened in season 4. which i do, so it was fine, just stylistically puzzling on several levels.

which brings us to…. an elephant in the room. the thing left out of what is billed as the full truth. vitalasy is not part of this video. spoke’s relationship with the other exploiters at large is never really dwelled on or explored, even when ash does appear on screen relatively frequently, but there is not a single clip of vitalasy speaking in this video. we get a couple screenshots of his discord messages, only on screen for seconds, a few of which appear to be dated from a different day than spoke says they are. he’s mentioned about as infrequently as you could possibly manage to discuss season 4, let alone wormhole, without vitalasy. who we know spoke was working with in some capacity throughout the full duration of these events, who appears both in the beginning of this video as spoke establishes where the exploit came from, and in the end, when spoke jumps into the void and ops vitalasy in the same moment.

there are all of these scenes where the bedrock prison is there but never explained, or someone (parrot in one of the last pivotal conversations spoke has with him in the video) is holding an eclipse shield, and it all makes him so overwhelmingly present in his absence. spoke seems to realize how glaring it feels, because he addresses it:

[3:25:17 - 3:25:34] Spoke: I told Ash I would give him whatever item he wanted, except operator. Even though he was bummed out, he said it was fine. Vitalasy on the other hand wasn't too happy. There was some more stuff between us that I had to cut out since this video is already too long, but long story short Vitalasy felt entitled to it because he found the glitch, which does make sense. However, the risk of another player having admin was too much, and I declined.

every other time spoke mentions vitalasy, it’s with this same combination of avoidance and active dismissal. I keep coming back to that scene at the end; “i gave vitalasy op” and no further acknowledgement. what do you mean more happened between you but you’re not going to show us, and in everything we do get it feels like nothing at all has changed since season 4, you’re still portraying him in the exact same way he was portrayed then? framing it as the full truth, but there’s still this central point you’re taking great pains to talk around. the video is too long. the video is already four hours, how much worse could it get? what about all of that reused footage? that you could cut, and the pacing of the video would be better for it? am I really supposed to believe that’s why you made that decision?

and ultimately this plays into why the video doesn’t really work for me past that hour-or-so mark. because spoke isn’t actually being honest. past that point, things are glossed over or hidden the same way they would be in any lifesteal video.

maybe part of this is the fact that the dupe war stuff is new information to me where what was streamed at the end of season 4 isn't, even if it was cut out of the youtube videos, but i really don’t think it’s just that. It’s in the pacing of the video, what’s prioritized and what isn’t, the amount of time and dramatic attention given to these final moments.

In the scene towards the end where spoke monologues to parrot, after he tricks parrot into giving him admin, parrot doesn't say anything. It’s just spoke talking at him, and then the scene ends without parrot getting a word in edgewise. you get that little moment between them before spoke puts on pants and jumps into the void, but that's still parrot responding to spoke's lie, not to the truth. even if you don't get some sort of conclusion or elaboration on parrot's thoughts here, which is fair enough, you don't even get any real reflection on all of it from spoke in the end.

this is how the video ends:

[3:55:40 - 3:57:25] Spoke: After that I was left thinking, why in the world did I do this? I mean, I was so confused I ended up yelling "Ah, fuck this." then I put on some pants, gave Vitalasy op, and jumped in the void. No one understood why I did this, and I didn't either. Why did I let them win? Why did I follow the rules of the challenge in the first place? Why did it feel like I did all of this for nothing? I wouldn't find the answer until far later. For the next season Parrot didn't want to be the owner anymore, due to the stress and time it took, but he reached out to me and Ash to take his place. He did this, apparently, because we knew a lot about server stuff, but we were willing to give it a shot. I ended up hating that season. Since, no one trusted me, my only teammates on the server were Ash, and surprisingly Planetlord, who almost became the server villain himself, but the worst part was that there was no point in exploiting anymore. Why would I break the game to obtain something I could just get through console? Except, that's when it clicked. The following year, I brought back my Unstable series, this time with Parrot and Wemmbu. These videos would be scripted, but not scripted to save time or be efficient, but instead to push the boundaries of storytelling in minecraft. I've had so much fun this past year, creating things that have never been seen in the game, and that's when I realized it. My favorite moments from the wormhole were when I was making a plan destined to fail, or when I abused a new exploit, or literally any moment when i was doing something that had never been done before. I did the wormhole because it felt like I was doing the impossible. And that feeling was pretty cool.

the whole thing kind of defeats it’s own point doesn’t it? All of this weight on your self reflection, and the mistakes you made, and the way you prioritized your own Content/Story/Narrative/Career/Etc above the other people you were playing with, about chasing this feeling of power. and how, the power was only made real in the lie. you had to lie about how powerful the exploit was in order to trick someone into handing real power to you, and you had to keep that lie up so he wouldn’t stop you, because at every moment you worried that he could stop you. the wormhole is nothing, the exploit was nothing, in any of the ways that really mattered. at one point in this same video, spoke launches a hack client because he’s bored and it isn’t even remarked upon, because there’s no weight placed on launching a hack client. it’s not about what the wormhole can do, it’s about convincing everyone that what you’re doing is interesting enough, is powerful enough, that the power becomes real. it's a social game. If spoke is honest, spoke loses his power. If spoke is vulnerable, spoke loses his power. If spoke, at any moment, stops obfuscating and posturing and acting scary and obtuse and selling his power, spoke loses his power.

that’s what happens to vitalasy. vitalasy is vulnerable, and more importantly accessible, to both the audience and to the other players. because he will sit there and talk to you for hours, and argue with you, and consider your point. spoke makes himself unreachable, so vitalasy receives all of the social consequences that spoke is outrunning by keeping that careful distance. and you have to assume that vitalasy becoming the scapegoat was nothing but useful to him, even if it wasn’t something spoke did intentionally, or consciously.

at a certain point, the only explanation for why spoke won't just actually come clean to parrot instead of hanging onto all of these false pretenses, pivots everything he does on the nppp story in the end, instead of being honest about the conditions nppp was formed under in the first place, is because he doesn't want to deal with the consequences.

everything spoke does in s4 is both chasing that feeling of power in doing what should be impossible, and running away from the point where all of that crumbles and he has to face social repercussions for it. especially when it's obvious that in spite of the lie underpinning everything, and the fact that he was using parrot to achieve godhood, he still cares. it's not like there's this sense of glee in his villainy that will endure, it's just going to hurt if he stops digging himself into this pit, so he can't stop.

he still spent that time with parrot. it was still a real team, no matter why spoke did it in the first place. and the story spoke is telling about the nppp is so much more compelling, so much more meaningful, even when it can never add up right in the end. it's one thing to hurt someone by lying to them, and it's another thing to start wishing the story you were telling was the truth because you won yourself over. In the same way that vitalasy changes course during season 4 because of how much he cares about zam, only you never get to see it happen with spoke. If spoke does feel this, it doesn’t stop him. he doesn’t change his course.

what happens to vitalasy is maybe what spoke is afraid of. because vitalasy does receive those social consequences, on screen, and it’s worse by far than anything we ever see spoke receive. It all falls apart and vitalasy has to respond to it right then and there, taking center stage in a way that allows spoke to slip by under the radar.

despite this, it’s a strange kind of mutual parasitism that works out for both of them in the end: spoke remaining committed to his lie, keeping himself hidden and detached, is what allows vitalasy to avoid playing the villain role he realizes he hates, even when nobody but vitalasy seems to apprehend this as a victory for him. neither wants to be in the other’s shoes. it's easy to look at spoke doing all of this heavy lifting and think, vitalasy really didn't do anything, did he? he found the glitch and that was it, he got spoke involved. but in the end vitalasy says: this is exactly what i wanted.

and vitalasy is put in that position of social vulnerability largely through zam’s presence, acting on lifesteal as a force that (largely unconsciously, at this point) demands vulnerability on multiple levels; not only must you be visible to the audience, but you must be comfortable losing, you must open yourself to embarrassment and potential mockery. you must care. where spoke lets the audience in on nothing, zam lets us in on everything. If zam is going to portray vitalasy a certain way no matter what (and she is, because she refuses to do anything if the audience isn’t there with her), the only course of action is to attempt to control the narrative yourself. even though the more information the audience has, the more you're seen, the less control there is. (a second shoutout to will 75hearts irrealisms on this one)

i guess i don’t know what i want, really. you can’t expect more. It’s a youtube video. he’s not going to stop behaving like it’s a youtube video. but there’s something there, there’s really something there.

zam is my favorite lifesteal member for a reason, and part of it is in the pure lack of care for making videos. going back and watching a zam stream from season 3, the difference is immediately apparent; everything zam did then, she did for the sake of a video. and somewhere over the course of season 4 that changes. so much changes.

If we’re being honest, lifesteal isn’t what I want it to be a lot of the time. most of the players don’t approach it in the ways that interest me. but the thing I care about is real. it is there. and every once in a while, you get it from someone you aren’t expecting, at least for a moment. but whatever, that feeling was pretty cool, wasn’t it? the exploit was pretty cool.

[tgirlschlatt]

to be CLEARRRR ok the long and short of it is that the cpumpkins relationship IS rocky and dysfunctional and at the end of the day directly harmful to the both of them. the thing is that these things can happen w/out there being a clear cut abuser vs abusee and i think a lot of what is fascinating & compelling about their relationship is how much these things do & did happen and it doesn't change that they still love each other.

everything that could have gone wrong for them went wrong and it's not even fully either of their faults yk like yeah there were some more normal-life disagreements or little spats but a great majority of the conflict is sourced from the situation they're in- NOBODY wanted manburg to succeed dude. it really was essentially them vs the world & the world fucking sucks here!! outside of these circumstances- their positions and how they both have to perform to try and save themselves- this probably would have never happened to them, to their relationship.

it's quackity saying that he would have stayed if schlatt hadn't destroyed the whitehouse, that they could've made something great together, it's quackity eating the damn heart and hatching dodgy revival plans the second he has to directly confront a life w/out schlatt. it's schlatt choosing quackity out of everyone to help him come back to life after quackity took part in not only taking a life himself but watching as he died alone. and TRUSTING? that he would show up?? and he DOES?

like. these people hurt each other terribly and they still go to each other, grasp onto each other, and want each other. what does that mean..!!! it's so interesting and rich and double sided and it gets boiled down to nothing! less than nothing! quackity doesn't have schlatt's head mounted on the wall he's directly torturing another human being so he can get him back! the love is there and was always there and would probably forever be there no matter what they did. and it's crazy! you guys are nuts!! "i'll see you at the finish line" HUH? THEY WERE HAVING GAY SEX IN THERE

[sanjarka]

being angry at katniss's mom for abandoning katniss at the end of mockingjay is certainly justified but judging that choice as if it was made from cruelty is not. there are healthier ways to protect katniss from herself sure but she is honestly not there yet. how can she be? what resources does she have to be healthier in a completely broken system? when did she ever have them? and saying that your mental illness explains but doesn't excuse your behavior sound does sound logical but it's not always fair or the reality of the situation.

would you blame a person for dying from a preventable disease if there was no doctor or a medic to heal them? cause that's exactly what happened to katniss mother. twice. you may think of her as selfish and cowardice and she is in a way, considering her actions at the end of mockingjay. but she is not cruel nor abusive. she was not in the right mind to take care of her daughter. she just wasn't. you being a parent, you being a mother doesn't stop you from being a person. it is possible to not be able to take care of your kid even if you want to. that there are things you can't just snap out of. what parents need, even today, is a village, a community and a helping hand. and katniss's mom never had those things.

this doesn't mean that she dealt with everything perfectly and that she couldn't have explained her pain better to katniss. we don't exactly know what happened. what we do know is that she just didn't want to disappoint katniss again. to open that wound for her. and maybe that wouldn't have happen, and maybe katniss wanted her mom any way she could've gotten her. but her mom didn't want to risk it and that was her choice. katniss doesn't have to like it, or forgive it and neither do you. that's not up for debate. yes, i personally don't think their relationship ends here, but, again, that's just my opinion.

what i doubt katniss's mother biggest flaw is, is her inability to come to terms with the amount of trauma she caused katniss. the amount of shame she carries which she lets stop her from trying too hard to gain katniss trust again. she is not a perfect victim but she is one anyway. you find ability to forgive katniss for her misgivings (which largely happen as a result of her lack of self worth) but you won't for her mom? do you think that katniss wouldn't have fallen in the catatonic state she was in after prim's death if she had kids or people to take care of? that she would've fought against it? really? cause while peeta was gone she was willing to let go of everyone else if she knew he was dead. she told us that herself. the point is that that there are illnesses you can't fight against. that you not having control of yourself doesn't mean you don't care about the people you have left. that if you loved them more you wouldn't be sick. it doesn't work like that. and it's truly mean to pretend it does.

but other people loose husbands, hazelle lost her husband and she made it work. she snapped out of it. well is she was able to snap out of it, it means she never had what katniss's mother did in the first place. i'm sure nobody in d12 is in a completely good place mentally but people are different and you don't get to choose if and how you will get sick. and no, katniss's mom couldn't ask for help from friends cause i'm pretty sure she didn't have any. when she lost her husband she lost everything. if there were friends ready to help her then those would've been friends who would've checked up on her but nobody did. if peeta hadn't given katniss that bread they would've died. when katniss said nobody helped she means it. when katniss is surprised that people care about her after she volunteered for prim, the shock comes from a very real place. because nobody helped them! and no she wouldn't have send them in to a group home that katniss states is full of starved abused children.

and actually, she wasn't going to make any decisions because she was catatonic. meaning not present. meaning not in reality. meaning not neglecting her kids but herself first. and if you can not take care of yourself then no, you can not take care of a child. and you never know if that is going to be you. nobody thinks that. until it happens. we need institution that help people when they struggle, not abuse them or take their kids from them. this is something that people don't have even today let alone in a land like panem. whatever is that you feel towards katniss's mom don't judge her for something she literally can not control or think her bad choices come from cruelty and not fear.

[hauntinglyghostie]

inseparable. a shadow and its source. life and death. as much as you want to tear away the thought of him, you can't. you stood by him, and his shadow lingers.

also here's this TERRIBLY shitty drawing I made inspired by @denimscotch saying Lysandre needs to "take a chill pill. make slime or something" and @rainbowpufflez encouraged me to actually post it.

[baltears]

having a crush is literally like being under a curse

[vaguely-concerned]

obsessed with what we're meant to read out of rook's expression when taash starts to walk away in this scene. it feels like such an emotionally dense response from them, especially since they've only known taash or anyone else involved in these scenes for all of five minutes

sorry about the abysmal gif quality one day I'll learn how to make gifs properly yet that day is not today. but hello. rook. rook hello. what is this about. what's up with that. what are you thinking about. (also taash seeing that reaction and turning around to clarify that it IS what they wanted before they leave because they're upset, not unkind. aww.)

also flashback to this set of expressions rook makes later on, after the fangscorcher fight, if rook tells taash they're actually a lot like them beneath it all. taash apparently just consistently brings out some very tender rueful rook faces I guess haha

[r0semultiverse]

My take on the whole World War 3 WWIII WW3 whatever you wanna call it

This is a very simple look at why you won't die in a new World War (if it even happens) and a simple point of view responding to it. There are far better educated people to speak on this more thoroughly if you feel like researching and looking for that.

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

[priestfrommidnightmass]

i can tell i’m on the verge of spiraling when i pull out lambs wool by foster the people