#and ive been trying to . if not only for my dislike of hypocrisy

[ennuidays]

i wonder if people think im a clueless idiot . i wonder if people think they have me wrapped around their finger . like realistically i know Nobody cares about me that much but like ... i cant help but wonder if everyone is out to Get Me

[i-sveikata]

Dear author, it has been gnawing away at me like a dog to a bone, so I gotta ask: How do you feel about Pete and Way from Pit Babe? As a ship but also as characters in general?

oh interesting question! tbh pete is another character that kinda feels- just there to me. like he doesn't really show any particular depth that is more engaging than the rest of tony's kids in the show so i wasnt very invested in him (not with babe, jeff and kenta around). maybe because other characters/actors are such scene stealers? Or they're just really charming and he isnt at that same level imo? that being said the messiness of him being obsessed with (presumed dead? but who knows with this show) Way and then his subsequent fucking of his doppleganger chris has definitely made him more of a must watch for me this season.

way brings up a lot whole lot of different feelings for me. like in terms of feeling pretty indifferent to pete, i actively dislike way as a character and have zero sympathy for him but tbh i think that's how he was written? like he comes off as super incel vibes the entire time which the show leans into even more by making him constantly a wet blanket who's behaving badly because he's jealous of charlie and wants babe for himself. combine that with the fact that he's secretly working for tony the whole time and hes made the deal with the intention of getting babe without babe having any input in the matter really nailed the door shut on him being likeable for me because we're seeing nothing but the worst of his character the entire time and it's not being sufficiently balanced out by any good qualities.

tbh i hate the whole dynamic/trope of the man hanging around as a friend but has sexual interest in the other person the whole time (generally a woman but in this case babe) but that person has been pretty clear about not being interested and the man refuses to give up/ is holding out in the belief that being in close proximity and 'putting in the hours' so to speak will earn him the right to fuck them. esp because it tends to lead to the point where that person feels entitled to sex from the other one who's only considered them a friend the entire time and it betrays the history of their friendship because now it's tainted by the fact that the man was only being nice or friendly because he believed he could get something more out of it beyond mutual friendship. it also reduces babe/ the woman in this trope down to a body that must be possessed or claimed because the man believes he's entitled to it.

i have zero sympathy or interest in that trope because ive been the woman in that example so the combination of way's incel vibes, the hypocrisy of him pretending to be with the team but working with tony to take away babe's rights and almost ending with his full control of babe using his power/ attempted sexual assault of babe makes him pretty much dead to me. and despite the shows efforts to 'redeem' him in a quick flash bang of dying to save babe/ and the others that doesn't wipe the slate clean in my book- and from a writing perspective i think it's a really weak cop out to end the show by in the first season. mostly because, like he was being with babe throughout the show, he hasn't earned babe's romantic love with any substantial (or reciprocal) effort and taking a bullet and dying is just another way for him to escape the consequences of his own actions- like one good deed doesnt erase all of the selfishness and cruelty of his character at least to me. tbh i think it would have been more compelling for him to survive being shot and then stick around trying to slowly earn everyone's forgiveness after the fact.

but that being said, even though i dislike the character, the actor absolutely ATE with the role. like i might feel no need to defend any of his behaviour but he's certainly compelling to watch throughout the show as he basically implodes and lets everything go up in flames around him because he cannot handle not having babe's love (even though he has babe's love in a different way but can't get out of his own head enough to be satisfied with that and move on). that kind of wrongness from a viewing standpoint is very engaging to watch and the actor absolutely made it even more so. very much a love to watch you suffer vibe lmao.

pete and way as a couple i was actually interested in and would have liked to have seen them seeking comfort in one another through sex and shallow physical connection treating one another as a consolation prize until feelings grew and they were able to fall into each other more deeply. i do think over time way might have genuinely been able to fall in love with someone else if given the opportunity but he'd closed his world down to just the x-hunter team and babe so in his current circumstances he didnt have much chance of moving on in a healthy way. and also the show didn't give us that! they killed way off and didn't bring him and pete together more than a handful of times when we could already see the foundations of something starting- so they were very much a missed connection in the show. a potentially right couple but wrong time kind of thing.

weirdly though im actually finding pete/chris (depending on whether the plot twist is way alive all along or chris truly being a different person) in s2 much more intriguing because its obvious its going to end badly/ blow up in pete's and chris' face. like pete's done enough things to show he's not entirely normal about way so it is frankly delightful that chris agreed to sleep with him in the first place- since we don't know what his hidden agendas are yet im curious to learn why. and the fact that chris is telling him he's a completely different person but pete doesn't seem to care because he's so obsessed with way that this is still an acceptable way to have him in pete's mind after his death- which is absolutely bonkers and i love that for him. seriously so unhinged for both of them but i find the actor as chris a lot more likeable/ interesting to me than he was as way (but again i know im biased) so i am curious to see how it all plays out because i know it's going to be chaotic haha

[dear-happypills]

i hate going to work.

its about 5 cigarettes before 9, a chug of those keurig coffee pod, and a 30-min round of meditation before i think,

"okay .... fine........."

FINE.............

............

........

.....

fine.

HAHAHA. yea, i hate going to work....

and maybe, im a bit depressed too..

noone really knows.

if i could tell you about the injustices of being a laborer in the cruel world driven by illusions, hypocrisy, greed, laziness, ... yadi yadi yah... me being happypills might make a little more sense.

because i dont have any friends or a hobby or a social life (SUE ME), its probably the reason why i put so much thought and effort into the work i do. and i mull over the events throughout the day, and just curl from the stress of thoughts and thoughts and thoughts .... from that day.

so, yea, i guess i put a lot of thought and effort into the work i do.

i mean,............... i am getting paid after all..... so its only sensible i should work hard?

but.,,,, idk.............. why am i thrown daggers for trying to be more efficient, accountable, diligent, collaborative, yadi yadi yah?

.

.

i come to think of it as,

"oh, maybe people just dont like me very much"

.

.

even here they dont like me very much...

even here............................ ---> and if i could tell you how that thought reminds me all the personal relationships ive ever had. me being happypills might make a little more sense.

after work, my chemistry has become to escape reality by getting high or succumbing to the virtual world before i self implode in my loneliness.

.

though ive been told that loneliness isnt a justification. and i think i agree.

.

-- -- - - - - -- - - --- -

yet, there is this pit that i cant get out of. and it seemingly gets deeper.

...

.

.............

but lets clear the air.

im not... like a psychopath, and a dangerous thing. (maybe just a splash of autism. idk.)

and if you think,

"oh wow, happypills really dislikes the system. "

well yea, thats true, but im not nihilistc. i WANT something better.

i believe in justice, love, and beauty... and Jesus, obviously. and i exist to be in service of that. to glorify that...

even as a heathen that i am....

for i am happypills.

...

but the whole point of me being happypills, is just that i am one of many.

a pill that exists in ... in service and then forgotten ... in this world. used and abused by institutions, disrespected by other pills constantly, unrecognized by the collective. yet hoping and praying that my chemistry will eventually and faithfully transcendend out of my shell, and out of the giant pill bottle...

to beyond.

you know????

i like to think of happypills as a representative of long suffering. LLLLllloooong suffering.........................

Long.

.

.

LONG.

...............

...............................

me: ... ahem..... okay. i dunno why you have to say 'long' like that. kinda weird

happypills: shut up you. are you having fun NOT working while I DO?

me: youre the one who wanted to switch places with me...

happypills: you TRICKED meh.

me: but wow. wow. tha ... that. was a great monologue of your experience with work.

and your philosophy.....

i mean. yea.

people will find an experience that happypills had

as a laborer

SO insightful and relatable. yea. its great. sohh great.

happypills: ive learned at work, that what youre doing is sarcasm.

pill you.

me: well pill you. youre all that i have to come to home to after work, so sucks for you.

happypills: *sigh ... yea.. frrealz.. depression am i right?

- happypills

[c0rpseductor]

like sorry to have a. i don’t know. would it be dramatic to call this religious trauma? Well anyway sorry for the moment but like

anybody who knows me for shit knows i had a cartoonishly awful childhood. this is like, me 101. i started to self-harm as a very little kid bc i thought god hated me, so part of my issue is like, i was already mentally ill right out of the gate.

i would learn one thing in church and then come home and be told all the stuff really virulent cruel evangelicals believe, essentially. like at Sunday school i’d hear “be nice to everybody” and then come home and my mom would be like “oh Lestat. you poor fucking rube. God is vindictive and spiteful and punishes anyone he dislikes. Christians think anybody who’s suffering deserves it because God chose it for them. Christianity is evil and full of hypocrisy.” and, I mean, i understand why she had a lot of anger toward it and why she felt like there are no adequate answers for the problem of evil and ESPECIALLY why she thinks vocal christians suck. we live in America, no shit! I’ve seen TV pastors! but you don’t unload that on a kid, and especially not a kid who is also being hurt so acutely that his takeaway is “my parents do bad things to me because god wants me to suffer.” so i grew up, uh, normal

and it frustrates me as an adult because i know what the takeaway is “supposed” to be, or at least what less insanely aggressive christians tell me it is. i get that i got essentially the exact opposite message i was supposed to receive. but not only do i struggle to believe it, but the kind of things my mom used to complain about are the same things i see people unironically lob at other people. like on the adult survivors of csa group ive seen people say “during your childhood, if you felt abandoned, it’s because you weren’t listening hard enough for god. because god was there and your feelings are wrong.” like, it’s their fault? someone has a crisis of faith for one of the most understandable possible reasons and you think they just aren’t trying hard enough? and people will say with a straight face like, act like lgbt people are these subhuman aberrations and god hates them and spit on them because their idea is like, anyone who’s big and strong is who god loves and anyone who’s being hurt and tortured deserves it because god decided that’s how it would go.

it frustrates me so much that my dad like, abused me emotionally and mentally and physically and sexually and drove my mother and i out of our home and treated his whole family like obstacles in the way of his desires and then had the fucking gall to be a born-again Christian about it. it fucks with my head SO bad that nothing bad ever happens to him and he’s so easily able to go to church and uncritically swallow everything he’s told. it just feels like this confirmation that everything is arbitrary and anyone who’s been “picked” by god can do whatever evil things they want but anyone who’s hated can never, ever atone enough for the cardinal offense of having been born, no matter how much they pray or suffer.

and like, idk if i can ever get out of that hole, but it still makes me so fucking sick when people who act like they’re perfect Christians spit on people because they think they have the right to decide who is and isn’t human. because i know that’s the opposite of what they’re supposed to be getting out of it and because it’s disgusting, cruel, arrogant behavior.

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “