#and only one (1) version without a list of female characters in the tags

[gibbearish]

hello tumblr user. before you is a post structured to reflect the style of a jigsaw trap instructional tape. your task is to parse the text and infer what rhetorical point the author was attempting to make. if you fail and instead answer the surface-level question in the tags to show what good of a grade youre getting in social justice, the bomb will detonate. you have 30 minutes. good luck.

[teh-nos]

20 Questions with a Fanfic Author

I have been tagged by @chocolatepot and am going to CHEAT by confining some of my answers to the past two years or so of my fics, because I have too many works on AO3 to do memes like this without overthinking them and/or forgetting something that happened ten years ago.

1. How many works on AO3?

'Officially' 454, not counting fics in the Anon collection.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

976,550

*gasp* But my account creation date is in 2011 and I have backdated a number of works that already existed then. So that's about 20 years worth of fic. Yet also my works have got on average a lot longer in the past... 3-4 years maybe? So it's all lop-sided and odd.

It would be nice to hit the million mark I suppose. I could probably manage it this year. I don't feel that attached to my total wordcount though.

3. Top 5 Fics by Kudos

Okay, I am only including fics posted since January 1st 2023, because otherwise it'll be the same things it always is when I try to do stats memes on social media, which is not as interesting for me personally. So let's have a look!

The Winter of Our Discontent - MCU multichapter (15 of them!) from back when anyone still read the pairing (Loki/Sylvie) so I am not shocked by this result.

yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives - the one Dr Who fic on this list. It is a Doctor/Master soulmate-marks fic.

i don't wear scarlet well - This is Thor/Loki non-con and the (to me) large number of hits (over 2000!) is the main reason for the kudos number being high as well. So kind of the same reason as the first answer, except with incest and non-con and it's a oneshot.

An Heir and a Spare (The Extended Version) - multichapter Loki/Sylvie Medieval* Adultery AU. So, as the saying goes, I refer the honourable member to the answer I gave a short time ago.

(*It is currently tagged as a Historical AU as I know it will read as broadly medieval to most readers but to my mind it's Early Modern and very sadly I cannot get myself past this fact to allow me to tag it more usefully for the reader. It's not even Historical really I just borrowed a lot from books I had read recently about (mostly) Tudor queens. But I digress.)

Forget-Me-Not - Oh, this one! I think of this one as my "popular" MCU fic, probably because when I was writing it there were a number of occasions when I questioned the wisdom of spending months writing 5000 words of fic which is a) mainly focussed on a female character who is really a quite minor character in her own right, b) entirely gen and also G-rated, and c) going against the fandom grain on characterisation for that character. But it actually did really well (for me), which is yet another bit of anecdotal data about how you really can't tell how a fic will 'perform' before you actually post it.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Well, In The Past Two Years, it has mainly been the MCU (Loki series and Thor Movies mostly) with a bit of Doctor Who and occasional other bits and bobs.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, though I didn't used to and I think fandom culture has changed over the years because it seems like older fics had fewer author replies on them (and some people saw it as inflating your comment count??). I like to socialise online, even though an AO3 comments section is not really the best place for that.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Again, I am keeping this recent, because *waves hand at 450 works* Okay, let me have a look at what I have to choose from. BRB.

Hrm. I decided to ignore some Character Death ending as those to me almost feel too easy to choose here, since of course it's sad when they all die and I feel like I've played those fics on easy level in that regard. So I will choose The Serpent's Queen which is a two-fic series in which Sif attempts to fix Loki with love and fails. Frigga ends up in prison, Thor is probably going to die, and Sif seems to be planning her Scheming Queen Mother era while her husband is still very much alive. See, all that took effort to arrange!

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

My gut says it's the drabble where Sylvie reunites with her brother, but to be less twee and more recent this year I added an unexpected second (final) chapter to a oneshot so that the title character in Fair Alfrida gets to win (in a way) and I liked that because I had felt very bad about what I did to that poor OC in the original story. And so now it is a fic of two halves, and I like that. So there.

8. Do you get hate?

I recently got a very angry comment of SEVERAL sentences but it was just a bot comment, which I knew it must be at once because if someone was going to get mad about that particular fic I feel like the fact it was Muppet/Human RPF would have come up at some point in their drabble-length complaint.

9. Do you write smut?

Oh yes!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Discounting cross-MCU fics, which don't feel like they count, I do occasionally manage one but I tend to prefer to write the kind of crossover where the linking factor between the canons is something a bit silly or odd. That said, I was shocked that nobody had written PM Harold Saxon/President Loki fic already. How no?!

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not recently, and only once many years ago. Apparently I am just not worth stealing from? *shrug emoji*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times, older fics though.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic?

Not recently. I think?

14. All time favorite ship?

I refuse to pick one, I will change my mind later if I do.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My OCD refuses to let me answer this question in case I jinx something.

16. Writing strengths?

Dialogue, probably. I am occasionally shocked - SHOCKED! - to speak to people who don't hear the characters talking in their heads when they write the dialogue. I assume that's what's up with that "read it aloud!" post on tumblr. Oh, now they all sound like me! What a great move that was when I'm not working with the few characters I've written who have a similar accent to mine! Fuck me, what an 'I have no accent!' American post that was.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

I can't write things of the frankly insane lengths that fandom increasingly demands, which has been quite distressing to me in recent years. My preferred mode of fanfiction is the 2000(ish)-word short story anyway so I learned to write with the level of conciseness that length requires and have found it impossible to get my brain to shift gears sufficiently, so the sudden trend to viewing shorter works as lazy and worthless has tbh completely fucked with my head as a fic writer. Which is why some of these questions don't have entirely accurate answers, as I have taken to hiding out in places away from my own username where I don't feel as much pressure to Get Good Stats and to prove my worth by doing my best to write every idea out two or three times just so I can hit a wordcount still well below the minimum many people filter to on AO3 these days.

So that's been generally horrible.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

WELL. Usually my first thought is "So what language are these characters speaking to each other in that means they only drop the occasional word in [language] into their speech?" Which brings me to the question of What The Fuck Do Asgardians Speak Anyway? I am told in the comics they magically speak every language, but I don't think that can be movieverse canon, for then why did Thor need to learn to speak Groot and why do most MCU characters regardless of origin and magicalness speak to each other with no issues? What language are they speaking to each other!!!

The Loki series used Icelandic for it (though actually that's only confirmed outside the text itself, so do with that what you will) and that fits with the assumption I seem to have made that the Asgardians are speaking Old Norse... but that doesn't work because why did the aliens learn an Earth language? Which they must have done because the lineage of Old Norse back to PIE is well-established and oh no why does this even bother me? Who am I? What have I become? Why would it turn into Icelandic and not just a related language with its own history oh my goddddd

19. First fandom you wrote for?

No comment.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

No I will not play favourites with my children, how dare you >:(

[no-maie]

Borderland and Wonderland: Characters

I'm sure that a large portion of people who have watched Alice in Borderland are aware that the characters have a counterpart from Alice in Wonderland. I'm going to be pointing out who is what character and why I believe that. The list is roughly organized by starting with the characters I am most sure about. As the list goes on the characters become more speculation and less fact based.

Arisu and Alice: This is probably one of the easiest connections between characters. To start you have the fact that both Arisu and Alice are the main characters of their respectable fandoms. Next, you have the obvious similarities in the way both of their names are pronounced. To further this connection you can discover that the female given name 'Arisu' is a common Japanese version of the name Alice. Both Alice and Arisu are the main protagonists who get sucked into an alternate world and are forced to find a way home while making connections with the people who are already present in that world. Another smaller and harder connection to notice is that at the beginning of Episode 1, Arisu is seen playing online video games and in the bottom left corner you can see that his player name or gamer tag is 'Alice'.

Hatter and the Mad Hatter: The most obvious similarity between these two characters is how they have almost identical names. Both were called Hatter because they were hatters of some sort. The Mad Hatter made and sold extravagant hats while Hatter simply had a small shop where he sold them. Another noticeable connection between these characters is that they both have gone a little 'mad' because of the traumatic events they had been through.

Usagi and the White Rabbit: At this point, the connections between all of these characters become less obvious. Now Usagi is a Japanese term that means rabbit, in terms of Usagi as a name though it changes a bit. With Japanese names, they can have different meanings based on the kanji used for them, since we cannot tell what kanji was used in the tv series we have to look at the most common possibilities. Some of the different meanings for different kanji include; 'moon or month', 'princess or noblewoman' as well as 'hare or rabbit'. We cannot immediately assume that this one connection of her name means that Usagi is the White Rabbit. Usagi's main appearance onscreen outside of her interactions with Karube and Arisu shows her capturing and killing a rabbit for food. This is not a huge connection but given how some of the later connections are much smaller but still heavily implied shows how this can still mean a large bit to her character. Other than these direct parallels we have to look at how she helps develop the story: Usagi is shown helping Arisu from game to game and often uses her speed and quick wit to help them out of situations. She typically pushes Arisu to do better or continue playing games, with exception for a short period where she appears desolate in season 2.

Mira and the Queen of Hearts: The most obvious connection between these two characters is the fact that they are both a little psychotic, Mira is very energetic and loves to watch everyone play her games. Other than this personality trait though Mira herself is called the Queen of Hearts in AIB season 2. Not only is Mira the Queen of Hearts but according to the manga heart based games are her specialty. This means that even without the confirmation of her character in season 2 you can still tell who she is meant to portray from the information given in the manga and season 1 of the show.

Kuina and Absolem: Personally I believe that the connection between Kuina and Absolem is strong enough for her to be ranked higher up this list. Despite this though, I chose to rank her here because I do understand that there are not as many “concrete” connections between them as some of the other characters. Kuina is seen throughout the series to constantly be holding a cigarette in her mouth or something along those lines. This is meant to mimic the hookah that Absolem is seen smoking every time he appears on screen. The next big connection between these two characters would be the transformation they undergo. Absolem is a caterpillar who turns into a butterfly undergoing his metamorphosis. Kuina is transgender and through her flashbacks we see her getting outed and undergoing her gender change. A related piece of symbolism many people draw conclusions from is how the butterfly is used by many transgender communities as a symbol of representation.

Chishiya and Cheshire: As we have previously seen with the few previous characters their names often connect in one way or another. Chishiya and Cheshire have what I can argue are the most similarly pronounced names of all the characters. Not only that but both of them are very mysterious and complicated characters. These characters show very intelligent and clever plans, especially for Chishiya in season 2. Cheshire throughout AIW gives Alice puzzling riddles similar to how Chishiya uses cryptic plans to use Arisu to fulfill his own agenda. Looking at things outside of the character though we can observe that Nijirō Murakami (Chishiya) presents his character as very Cheshire Cat-like. He constantly uses small smirks to appear sly and to mimic the iconic Cheshire grin.

Momoka/Asahi and Tweedledee/Tweedledum: I feel like this connection is also one that is very easy to see. Momoka and Asahi were two girls, who looked similar, and went through exploring this strange land together. They were also never seen apart from each other until the last episode of season 1. I think this is connected to Tweedledee and Tweedledum as they were also two twins who were in this strange land, though in this case they originated there.

When it comes to the characters in Season 2 and other characters such as Karube, Tata and Chota I feel like there is more of a chance that their characters are a combination of various Alice in Wonderland characters. For example, some people have many speculating on what character Karube and Tata are but many of their characteristics are blends of different AIW characters. Another reason why their counterparts are harder to identify is that they may be small enough AIW characters that any connections with AIB are hard to pick up or could be explained as coincidence. Please let me know if any of you have any ideas on which character is which and why you think that.

[therapardalis]

Multi-fandom OC. (Fandom based, but with original lore.)

1. Mun is severely over 21. Victoria, Australia (Australian EST). Not mutuals only, but semi-selective. 18+ only, please.

2. Rules are under the Readmore below. Last rules update 24th August 2024.

3. Muse Information on Carrd. For her main verse, please read at least the summary at the top. Several of her AU verses have different versions of the muse. Marvel, Dune and Tolkien verses are movie/TV based.

4. Policies on this blog. Not 'rules' but how I do things here.

5. Mains and Exclusives.

6. Please don’t reblog memes from me if you’re not going to send one. Reblog from the source instead. Memes - Ship Memes - Headcanon Memes - NSFW Memes / NSFW HCs - Munday Memes - Open Starters

7. Muse Stats Hair: Brown Eyes: Blue-Grey Age: In AU verses, usually 30+ Place of Birth: In her main verse, Cornwall, England Gender: Female Sexuality: Heterosexual

8. Rules under the cut.

Basics Original character and writing are mine and not for reproduction. (2012-2025). Likewise original graphics on the blog (icons, promos, background images) are made by me and are not for general use.

I do not consent for any of my writing or graphics made by me to be used with, for or as part of any form of AI generation.

I very much prefer people I follow to have some rules somewhere for their muse.

I do NOT RP with:

Minors. No-one under 18 years, selective with under 21. No age mentioned, no follow.

Personal (non-RP) blogs. I'll check to see if you have RP sideblogs.

Discord only 1x1 with people I don't know/haven't spoken with before.

NOs:

If your blog is mostly or completely intended for any of these, I'm not the partner you're looking for. You do you, but we're not compatible.

Instant smut (see below).

Infidelity/cheating plots.

Non-con, dub-con (including A/B/O) or sexual assault.

Incest.

Toxic ships, dead dove.

Pregnancy threads, especially where my muse is the one pregnant.

Animal abuse.

Abusive/manipulative characters. Villains are on a case by case basis, but muses who are by their canon nature or intended to be played as abusive are not.

Very, very selective with;

‘Unrequited crush’ threads need to be talked about first, and boundaries set. Usually only with muns I know well.

‘Fight’ threads where it’s Thera against someone else’s muse. Her vs random NPCs is fine.

Child muses (under 13). NPCs are OK, but not children who are the main muse. Any threads with older teens will be strictly platonic.

Shipping / Smutting. No instant smut. Smut may happen in the context of a ship, but it's not the sole intent of this blog.

Shipping needs to be talked about first. Thera is multiship, male-attracted, and we enjoy shipping. But it’s still not going to be an automatic-everybody thing. There’s got to be some sort of IC build up and OOC talk as well, to see how the muses get along and that we're on the same page. If we haven't talked about it OOC, it's not happening.

No means no. On both sides. If I say no to something I expect you to listen. Conversely, if you say no I’m going to take that as final, so if you change your mind later you need to tell me.

Also please do not say yes when you mean no. Just rip off the bandaid, OK?

Interaction Please communicate, please reciprocate. This is a hobby, but it’s a hobby we should both enjoy and it’s not enjoyable when something’s all one-sided. Busy happens, favourites happen, but if I’m doing all the sending and messaging and you don’t do any, especially if you’re active with others, then no hard feelings but after a while I’m going to move along.

Reblogging Memes Please don’t reblog memes or starter lists from me without sending me one. You don't have to send me something, but if you don’t please reblog them from the source instead.

Post length I’m good with any, as long as we’re putting in roughly equal effort.

Triggers and Tags NSFW or strong violence will be tagged, potential triggers as '[thing] tw'. If you need anything specific tagged, let me know (if you have a tag already blacklisted, tell me and I’ll use it).

Likewise, if there’s something you’re not comfortable RPing (or thought you were but then realise you’re not) please say so - I only ask that you do the same for me if needed.

God-Modding. I write my muse, you write yours, and if in doubt, ask. Please don’t decide for me what she does, thinks or feels (or did before the events of the thread), that your muse has done something to her, or put her in a certain situation, without asking first. Also, ignoring what I’ve just written and continuing as if Thera never said or did something counts as god-modding, too.

Meta-gaming is giving your muse OOC knowledge IC. There are muses out there powerful enough that they could know things, but please talk to me about it first.

On those last two points, I also reserve the right to say no.

Vague/Guilt-Posting Trying to pressure or guilt me into RPing with you is going to have the opposite effect to what you want. Asking if I saw a post or reminding me once or twice is fine, talking to me directly about a problem, likewise. Messages specifically intended to make me feel bad for not replying/RPing with you are not.

Thanks for reading through!

Last rules update 8th June 2025.

[mxpothos]

Drawn To Each Other: Chapter 1

Summary: 

"Crap, sorry, I'm going to be late getting back to the office. I'd better get going." She looked up at him and gave a shy smile. "Thank you, again. I think I needed to hear that today." Steven felt his heart flip over in his chest.

"O'course, I'm glad to have helped."

She started to walk away slowly and gave Steven a small wave.

"Well, have a good day, Steven. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" she said hopefully.

Steven felt his heart fly up into his throat.

Pairing: Steven Grant/Original Female Character, Steven Grant/Reader Word Count: 3k Rating: General, future chapters will be 18+ Tags/Warnings: Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Eventual Romance, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut

Notes: This is intended to be a reader-esque fic written in the third person. I had thought about posting alternate versions of this story using different pronouns for the main character (he/him, they/them etc)? If anyone has interest in that please let me know! 

Read Chapter 2  here

To: T, Jess <jess.t@evtinc.co.uk> From: Management <mgmt@evtinc.co.uk> Subject: data audit Attachments: DataCleanUpReport.xls

Jess,

Please see the attached document with the results of our data audit for last month. The items noted in column G need to be corrected to the items listed in column H. These corrections need to be input into the system by the end of the week. Please advise once complete.

Sincerely, Management

“Really? Again? Thanks a fucking lot” Jess huffed while slouching back into her desk chair. She was sick of leadership offloading their busywork onto her. It felt like everyone else in the department was assigned to some interesting project or another, except her. Nope, Jess was left to tidy up other people’s mistakes and deal with the drudgery nobody wanted to do.

Jess could feel a snarky reply itching its way out of her. She opted to lock her computer and depart for lunch before she did any damage. It was days like today that she was glad her office was behind-the-times enough to still have cubicles, so no one could see the agitation in her movements. Every other company Jess had worked for embraced the “open office” mentality. Being elbow to elbow with your coworkers without a sliver of privacy quickly made a bad mood so much worse.

Jess yanked her bag out of her desk drawer, and grabbed her umbrella for good measure. It was always rainy this time of year in London. She finally felt her shoulders start to relax as she walked out of the building’s front doors. She stopped at a kebab shop down the street to get a doner wrap, and wolfed it down during the rest of her walk.

Her office was only a few blocks away from the famed British Museum, and Jess had taken to spending her lunch breaks there a few times a week. Doing so had several perks -

1) It was free

2) It was relaxing and educational

And, most importantly,

3) It was the last place any of her coworkers would ever go during lunch.

Jess had recently started bringing her sketchbook along to practice drawing the many sculptures, statues, or even other visitors. It helped her feel more human, being surrounded by art and artifacts while practicing an art herself. Being an office drone will wear you down if you don’t fight it somehow.  

Today seemed to be a bit busier than usual. There were throngs of people crowding the information desk as Jess walked inside. She had hoped to grab a museum map to keep on hand, but didn’t feel like contending with the horde of people. Jess cut around the crowd and walked towards her usual corner of the museum. She had been working her way through the many Ancient Greece and Rome rooms for the last few weeks. Today, she felt like something different.

Jess paused at a sign listing the exhibits in this wing.

“Assyrian sculpture… Egyptian sculpture…hmm that sounds about perfect” she muttered to herself.

It was much calmer in the Egyptian sculpture exhibits. Maybe a dozen or so people were spread throughout the interconnected rooms. Jess took in the gorgeous statues as she slowly walked through, waiting for one to catch her eye as today’s sketch subject. She noticed there was a gift shop to her right. She glanced over and scanned the front of the counter, hoping to see a stack of museum maps like the information desk had.

“Oh, ah hello there! Can I help you?”

Jess turned to see the source of the, rather cheerful, query. The museum employee standing behind the counter looked up at her eagerly, dark wavy hair falling above his brow as he leaned over the register. Jess blinked, and finally realized she hadn’t responded to him yet.

“Oh um no, no thank you, just looking!” she stuttered out. “Well… actually, I was wondering if you had any of the exhibit maps here? I meant to grab one up front but there was such a big crowd. I know I can just pull it up on my phone… but, I prefer to have a physical copy, you know?”

Jess mentally kicked herself as she over-explained to this man who certainly didn’t care why she wanted a map.

“Ah, I’m afraid we don’t keep any of the maps or pamphlets back here," the man said in an apologetic tone.

"That's fine, no worries! Just wanted to check." Jess reassured him.

"Pretty stupid not to, now that you mention it eh? I should say something to my boss. Those would be more useful than half the stuff back here, like all these jelly scorpions. I mean what does that have to do with Egyptian history? Honestly I -”

The man cut himself off and shook his head, eyes closed.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to get going on a rant there” He looked at her again with an embarrassed smile.

Jess gave what she hoped was a sympathetic smile.

"Not at all, I mean I can't say I disagree with you. Though, admittedly, those hippos over there are pretty cute" she nodded to a pile of hippo plush toys and chuckled.  

"Well, technically, those are the goddess Taweret.” The man said with a teasing glance, “But, yeah, I s'pose they are cute. I think she would approve of them, actually.”

He paused for a moment before looking back at Jess.

“Right! So, er, no maps unfortunately. But I’d be happy to help direct you myself! I know this museum backwards and forwards by now.”

Jess chuckled softly. “Sure, I didn’t really have anything specific in mind. I like to come here on my lunch breaks and sketch the artifacts. I’ve been through most of the Greek and Roman exhibits, so I decided to come through here today.”

The man instantly perked up with excitement at hearing this.

“That’s just lovely! Well there’s loads to see and draw here. Over there is the sculpture of King Ramses the second, and down here we have -”

As the man animatedly explained what and where seemingly every artifact in the exhibit was, Jess took a moment to properly observe him. He wore a simple gray jacket over a slightly rumpled but brightly patterned shirt. A nametag on the front jacket pocket revealed his name was Steven. He was very handsome for a gift shop worker, with striking features and an attractive build obscured by his frenetic energy and ordinary clothing. Dark circles under his warm brown eyes hinted at some unseen stress in his life, but you would never guess it otherwise. He spoke with more passion than Jess could ever remember having in her own workplace.

“- and of course you simply MUST see the Rosetta Stone down there. Although, ha, I s’pose it wouldn’t be much for drawing would it?”

He suddenly looked bashful again, glancing back at Jess.

“It's just a big old block with some writing on it, innit?” He chuckled hesitantly “But… it did allow us to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs. So, er, it’s a rather useful big old block I’d say.”

He looked down at the counter and fiddled with some of the merchandise, the confidence he’d shown just moments ago seemed to evaporate.

“Well, er, I’ll let you get to it then.” He suddenly reverted to customer service mode, “Is there anything else I can help you with, miss?”

Jess flashed her best you’re-doing-great-sweetie smile at him.

“No, thank you, I really appreciate your recommendations.” She remembered less than half of what he’d told her, but his enthusiasm was incredibly charming.

He smiled back at her shyly “Always glad to help. Have a great day, miss.”

Jess started to walk away but thought better of it. Before she could think it through, she found herself turning back to the gift shop clerk.

“If you’re still here when I’m done, I can show you whatever I end up sketching. If you like…”

She surprised him as much as she did herself. He perked back up and grinned at her.

“I'd love that! I won’t be going anywhere ‘til closing tonight, so, you know where to find me -” He paused for half a beat “- right here. Yep.” He chuckled timidly.

“Great! Well, I’ll see you later - “

Jess pointedly glanced at his nametag again.

“- Steven.”

She gave him another warm smile and turned on her heel down the hall. She did not see Steven gazing after her with a flustered grin on his face.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Steven watched her walk away and waited for his heart rate to go back to normal. It was several minutes before he realized he still had a goofy smile plastered on his face, replaying the interaction in his head.

He made a mental note to ask for her name when she came back. Then, he felt a small lurch in his stomach at his next thought.

If she comes back.

Of course, he was getting ahead of himself. She was just being kind to him. He'd spoken with hundreds, if not thousands, of museum visitors since working here. None of those interactions went beyond surface level. None of those people would remember him or think about him once they stepped away from the gift shop counter. There was no reason to expect this time would be any different, right?

No, this was just an unusually pleasant interaction with an unusually pleasant patron. Nothing more. At the very least, it had brightened his day significantly.

And… it was the closest to anything resembling flirting he had experienced in ages.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Jess meandered through the exhibits and settled in front of a row of lion goddess statues. The plaque indicated they were representations of the goddess Sekhmet, and were likely commissioned by King Amenhotep III.

There was no bench so Jess sat on the floor. She pulled out her sketchbook and pencils, and looked up at the artifacts in front of her. She started out with a rough impression of the four statues together. Then she moved on to more detailed sketches of one statue's lion head, and then her hands resting on her lap. She captured the damaged sections as well as the skillful carvings in the stone.

Her mind wandered, not for the first time, to the sense of awe at being surrounded by works that were carved thousands of years ago. How many hands had touched these statues? How many people had played a part in their creation? Had gazed upon them where they once stood in Egypt? And then, how many had helped steal them away from their homeland to be put on display in a stuffy museum in England? Had they heard the bombs falling during the blitz? These Sekhmet statues had literally seen kingdoms, empires, rise and fall. The stories they might tell.

Jess checked the time on her phone.

Crap, better start heading back to the office.

She put a few finishing touches on her sketch and packed up to leave. Without thinking, she automatically started heading towards the museum entrance. Then she remembered her conversation with the gift shop clerk - Steven.

"Shit…" she hissed under her breath.

Why did I say I'd show him my sketches? I'm such a dork. He was probably just humoring me.

Still, she didn't want to leave him hanging. He'd seemed genuinely interested in seeing what she drew. And besides, if she was going to keep coming here she didn't want to make things awkward with any of the staff.

She walked back towards the gift shop, slightly hoping there would be a line of customers to give her an excuse to leave.

Jess rounded the corner into the gift shop area. There was Steven sitting behind the counter, not a customer in sight. Great.

Steven did an absurdly comical double take as Jess walked over. He stood up so quickly that he sent a pile of sticker packs flying across the counter.

"Oh, hey, you're back! Er, I mean, did you find everything you were looking for today?"

Jess couldn't help giggling in amusement. She had never seen someone look so weirdly cute while stumbling over themselves. She also couldn't remember the last time someone had such a reaction to her entering a room. It was a heady feeling.

"Yeah! I ended up settling on the row of Sekhmet statues around the corner there."

She tried to make eye contact with Steven as she spoke, but found herself unable to hold it for long. He gazed at her with such a rapt look on his face, hanging on her every word. Jess felt a blush creep up her neck, and made a show of digging her sketchbook out of her bag as an excuse to look away. Much to her relief, Steven quickly filled the space left by her silence.

"Lovely choice. Those Sekhmets are some of my favorites. Really interesting, Amenhotep was apparently obsessed with her. He commissioned hundreds of those statues and put them bloody everywhere, even in his tomb. I believe the ones in the museum here were originally from Thebes? Or was it Karnak?" Steven furrowed his brow and looked up towards the ceiling while searching his memory. After a beat he looked back at Jess and the sketchbook in her hands.

"D-did you find them to be good drawing subjects, then?" Steven fidgeted his hands together.

"I did, they're so beautiful. Even with the wear and damage. Um, if you wanted to see…" Jess half heartedly gestured towards her sketchbook.

"Please, absolutely!" Steven answered a little too quickly.

Jess looked down, trying to hide her growing blush. She opened to the pages she had sketched today and put the book down on the counter, rotating it to face Steven. He bent over to examine them, careful not to touch the sketches themselves.

"Brilliant, these are just brilliant, wow." Steven said in a low voice, shaking his head with a grin. "Someone here is hogging all the creative talent, - "

He looked up to lock eyes with Jess, and gestured towards her,

"- you." He chuckled self consciously.

If Jess wasn't blushing before she certainly was now.

"That's really sweet of you to say. They're just simple sketches." Jess thumbed the strap of her bag and looked at her sketchbook sitting on the counter. "I'm not a real artist or anything… it's just something I like to do in my free time. "

"No way, you're really talented! These are gorgeous. They're not just life-like but they feel… alive, like you captured a spirit hidden in the stone itself."

Jess looked up to meet Steven's gaze as he continued.

"There's something special here. I see those statues every day… but, looking at what you've drawn, it feels like I'm seeing them in a new way."

Steven paused and held Jess's gaze. Jess couldn't tell if she wanted to hug him or just burst out crying from his unexpectedly thoughtful compliment. The best she could muster was a small, quiet -

"...thank you. Really. You're… you're very kind." She gave him an embarrassed smile.

Steven beamed back at her.

"I mean, I'm no artist myself. I'm just a gift shop clerk, what do I know? But I think these are brilliant and that you're very talented."

He handed the sketchbook back to Jess. She got a glance of her watch as she put it back in her bag.

"Crap, sorry, I'm going to be late getting back to the office. I'd better get going." She looked up at him and gave a shy smile. "Thank you, again. I think I needed to hear that today."

Steven felt his heart flip over in his chest.

"O'course, I-I'm glad to have helped."

Jess started to walk away slowly and gave Steven a small wave.

"Well, have a good day, Steven. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" she said hopefully.

Steven felt his heart fly up into his throat.

"Sure! I'll be exactly right here, again. Well, unless my boss puts me on inventory, but hopefully not." He chuckled nervously and waved back to her. Then he remembered his mental note from earlier.

"Wait, ah, miss, d'you mind my asking what your name is?"

"Oh, right, not at all! It's Jess."

"Jess, lovely to meet you. I'm Steven, with a V." He pointed to his nametag.

To her continued embarrassment, Jess heard herself giggle in response.

"Lovely to meet you too, Steven with a V. See you tomorrow."

She turned and walked out of the exhibit towards the exit. It felt like there was an electric current humming through her body. She couldn't stop smiling to herself the whole walk back to the office.

Jess got back to her cubicle and settled into her desk chair with a sigh.

Steven with a V.

She was already looking forward to tomorrow’s lunch break.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Steven watched Jess walk away and collapsed back into his chair behind the counter.

He looked at the glass encased artifact sitting opposite the gift shop.

"Tell me that really just happened, please?"

His reflection in the glass crossed its arms and laughed

Oh yeah bud, that definitely just happened.

"D’you think she'll actually come back tomorrow? Do you think she'll actually want to see me again? I mean…" Steven trailed off with a sigh.

She came back today didn't she? I think she might.

"Well, hopefully I don't make an ass of myself again." Steven sighed and sank deeper into the chair.

His reflection uncrossed his arms and took a few steps forward.

Hey, despite all odds I think you actually did pretty good back there. She seemed to like you! Try not to worry about it. If it's meant to be, it'll come naturally. And… at the very least, I think you made her day by complimenting her art. That counts for something.

Steven smiled weakly.

"Thanks, Marc."

Any time, Steven.

______

Chapter 2

[fanfiction-inc]

“It Takes Two to Win a Race.” Chapter II

[Previous Chapter] / [Next Chapter]

Verse: Falcon And The Winter Soldier / Captain America And The Winter Soldier / Captain America: Civil War/ Marvel Alternate Universe

Characters/Pairings: Baron Zemo/ Reader, Baron Zemo/ Female Reader, John Walker

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8971

Warnings/Tags: Drinking, smut, m/f, oral (female receiving), vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, drunk sex, Google translated translations, Walker is an asshole and just keeps getting worse.

Summary: Baron Helmut Zemo, world renowned racer and your sworn enemy on the track. You two have been going at it for years now, but now you two must join forces to fight back against John Walker, a new up and coming racer who is proving to beat both of you. Will you two survive the other or meet your demise on the track?

Ao3 Version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32606833/chapters/81176392?view_adult=true

This is a mess. An absolute, blazing mess that sits before you in the middle of your workshop. The chassis was dented all to Hell, a new one having to be rebuilt and delivered to fix your custom car. The engine had parts missing that were left at the crash sight when it was towed away. One car to your name, and it was fucked up. Maybe you should have taken Stark’s sponsorship and invested in a backup. Sitting on the cement floor of the workshop, screwdriver in hand as you pry out bits and pieces of parts from the engine, taking note of the parts and working on the budget you had set out for this year's series of races, you dreaded the moment you’d see the total cost. This repair would take a nice chunk, but you still had money left over after to make sure your car was at its best. That was the thing about working with your car, it was just you and this beast of metal and speed, working as one to reach the end of the line. The screwdriver is set down at your side when you struggled too long on getting the broken interconnecting rod that links the turbine from the compressor, a sigh following as you sit back. A slow sense of dread fills you as you look at the broken parts scattering the ground, the missing parts on your list, and the purple paint that still streaks the busted carbon fiber chassis. 

Working with Zemo was a dangerous game, which you recognized even before you shook on the arrangement he had proposed. He was wicked on the course, predictable at times but at others a ticking time bomb of what his next move may be. He was dangerous, but that is what made him damn good. He took far more risk than you usually would when it came to advancement in the race. Where you held back, he pushed forward. No wonder the man infuriated you. But this plan was the only thing you had to get things back to normal, back to the way they were where you hated Zemo with a passion and fought tooth and nail to stay better than him. You would never admit it, but without your rival, what fun was the race? See, it's not only the thrill of the chase between the driver and death, inching closer and closer with each hairpin turn and the risk of the other driver's moves. No, it’s also the thrill of having someone who wants to win just as bad as you, who is just as good and will do anything to try and progress further than you. It sets a standard, something to surpass, something to stay on level ground with when you catch yourself falling. Zemo was your equal, no matter how much you hated him. And equals like you two don’t have room for a third party to jump in and surpass. The game isn’t any fun when someone fucks with the rules. He had a point when it came to beating Walker down, especially since the man was already fighting you both with molotov cocktails and rocket fire in the form of playing dirty on the track. He was bringing a war to a battle just to see if he could come out on top. Despite everything telling you to stay away from Zemo and not get involved in this scheme, that it could end badly for one or both of you, you couldn’t stand the idea of having Walker walk all over you like some doormat. You couldn’t let him walk in as if he owned the place and could rule as he pleased. 

He needed a reality check. 

Your form pops and cracks as you stand, stiff from sitting on the solid ground and stretching to relieve your body of the tension. Everything felt so wrong, and you knew you had to make it right...But was this the right way to do it? “Jesus, you sound like that rice cereal with the little elves. You know, snap, crackle, and pop?” You laugh lightly when your friend comes into the workshop, food in hand and dressed down from the usual luxury attire he wore when visiting. No suit and tie in sight, just the oil stained wife beater you had seen him in when pursuing your education in the states as he worked tirelessly on his little toys as you liked to call them. He sets the bag down, the scent of the food causing your stomach to growl and pinch with a hint of pain. Have you really forgotten to eat today? You hadn’t noticed. “Got your favorite. Do you know how hard it is to find a restaurant that speaks English? I had to have Friday translate for me.”

“Maybe you should take a new hobby and learn the French language.” You retorted with a grin, the man shaking his head as he sets everything out. “Maybe I want you as my teacher, but you’re always busy with driving around in your fast little car and getting famous for fighting a Sokovian asshole.” 

“And you’re too busy tinkering away with your toys in your little workshop in New York. Truly Tony, don’t tell me you actually want me as your teacher when your toys can teach you for me.” You pause as he rolled his eyes, watching the man for a brief moment as he turned to unwrap his burger. “Speaking of said Sokovian connard, he came to the bar I was at last night.” The man paused mid bite on the thick patty before speaking with his mouth full. “Okay, spill, what did he want?”

“Well originally I thought he was going to cuss me and try to blame me for the failure to complete the race yesterday, but he showed me something. You know the young man who won the race yesterday, corriger? John Walker?” 

“Yeah, I know the guy. Races for the American McLaren team and came straight from F3 to F1. What’d he do?” 

He raises a brow when you sigh, taking a seat beside him on the desk he had set the food down on and stealing the dish he had brought you. “Zemo showed me proof that Walker hit his car and sent him flying into mine. And I believe he did it on purpose.” You explain, taking a bite of the food your companion got for you. You pause for a moment to chew before returning to your theory. “On my way to the car bay, he smirked at me, and it wasn’t a “I won” smirk- well, it kinda was, but it was rather a “I did this to you” kind of smirk. Not necessarily an evil one but one that showed he knew exactly what he had done and was proud of it. Pride in an unfair act.”

“And no flags were thrown up?” 

“Non, not a one. As our friend the Baron said,” you cringe at the term friend, “the ones watching the race possibly couldn’t tell if he had done such on purpose or by accident. I believe him about such. And I suppose that brings me to what I’m about to say next.” You take a breath, gaze conflicted and downcast to your food as you speak. “The Baron offered a temporary truce of our rivalry to take down this John Walker, thus allowing us to return to what we do best after Walker is taken down.” He listened intently before his nose scrunched at the idea of such. You two working together? Ha! That’d never work! “And you said yes to this crazy idea? What the Hell are you thinking, (first name)?” Your hands shoot up in defense, gaze rising to meet his own. “I know, I know! It’s a crazy idea, but you know as well as I do that if Zemo and I want things back to normal, back to the rivalry, we have to do this together so Walker is met with further resistance. If I could avoid it and deal with this American scum, no offense, then I would.” 

“Some taken, but I get it. I just wonder if you two will go back to the way things are after all of this. Who knows, maybe you’ll become that dreaded word you hate to associate with him in any capacity-”

“Ne t'avise pas de le dire, Anthony.”

“Friendssss.” He draws it out, causing you to roll your eyes at his antics and slap his arm with the back of your grimey hand. He pretended to show a hurt expression before chuckling when another slap came, this time to his chest. “Oh hush, we will never be friends.” 

“I guess time will tell.” A shrug followed as Stark finished the last bite of his burger, crumbling the wrapper and lining up the shot with the waste bin in the corner. “He shoots,” the paper lands in the bin, his arms going up in the air. “He scores!”

“Stop goofing around, ma amie. I asked for your help with this and now I need it.”

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Three weeks have passed, and the Germany race is upon you. The Nürburgring, a beast of a track that many racers to this day in Formula 1 fear like a plague sweeping the track. Your mind has been racing as you pieced your car back together and got it ready for racing. What happens if something wasn’t installed in the engine right? What if you didn’t get the intake vents lined up just right? You were a perfectionist with your car, and you know deep down that it was ready for race day but it made your head sing with pain as a migraine sets in. That wasn’t the only thing that made it throb and bring you to lean against the chassis of your car. Zemo’s deal, it worried you sick. But you didn’t have time to think about it much today. You couldn’t dwell on it. You had a race to win. 

Your eyes flick up at the speakers, listening to the message. It was press conference time. You take your seat where your name tag and flag set, giving a nod of acknowledgement to the crowd of reporters sitting and waiting to open up questioning. To your left, Walker seats himself with a boyish, charming smile that didn’t quite meet those dark eyes. He looked your way, hand held out to you. “Hey, I hate that we didn’t get to meet earlier on. I’m John Walker.” You glance at his hand before looking back up at him. He played a good game, acting innocent like the boy scout he tried to be. You wouldn’t fall for his games, but you shook his hand briefly. “(First name) (Last name).” He grinned. “Oh, I know who you are. I’ve been watching you race for years now! I hate that you crashed a couple weeks ago, would have loved to have been standing on that podium with you.” 

“Oui, such a shame that was. But today is a new day, Mr. Walker.” Your gaze flickered to your right, startled by your rival taking his seat and looking directly at the pair of you. The Baron never sat beside you, even going as far as to request a seat change from the press conference coordinators. Some learned to keep you two separate, others knew it would incur drama, and drama made money. 

“Alright everyone, please take your seats and the conference will begin in one moment!” 

“Say, did you get your car all fixed up? Must have cost a pretty penny since you don’t have any sponsors.” Walker continued on, this time his gaze looking at the reporters as he gave a brief wave to the ones he recognized from the states. “Oui.” He gave a huff of a laugh. “Not much of a talker, are you?” You wanted to bite back, to say something and throw hands with this man, but you would be escorted out and disqualified in a snap. “Non.” A leg bumped yours under the table and you glance at Zemo who met your gaze briefly. Those dark brown eyes questioned if you were okay, a silent question that only you understood. The slightest nod was sent his way before looking at the reporters who got things settled and ready. 

“Questions are now open-” The announcer was startled with the amount of questions directed in the direction of you three, clearing his throat as he nodded to your little trio at the table. Mr. Walker!” He gestured to the reporter, watching him stand and adjust his microphone and camera. “Mr. Walker, this question is open to the three of you. Under allegations from the previous race at The Circuit Paul Ricard, many are wondering if you had caused the accident involving Zemo and (Last name). How do you feel about these accusations?” The man had the audacity to laugh and throw that boyish smile to the camera, rubbing at his face. “Look, that was not supposed to happen once so ever. As many of my fellow racers can attest, one wrong slip of the hand on your wheel and your car will eventually go off track. I got nervous, twitched, and just so happened to bump the Baron’s car into Ms. (Last name)’s car. I feel terrible, I truly do, but it could have happened to anyone with any driver. So I refute these accusations and continue to say this is an accident.” 

“And you, Baron, Ms. (Last name). How do you feel about the accusations?” The reporter gestured his question to you two now. “I respect your opinion, Mr. Walker,” Zemo began, the man smiling and sending a nod his way. “But I call, as the Americans say, bullshit.” His smile fell, darkened gaze questioning the man on what the Hell he was going on about. The reporters erupted in questioning, trying to get the attention of the two racers who stare each other down around you. You lean back a bit for them to have a better view-line, One of the American reporters calling your name. You use this moment to break the tension. “Oui?” 

“Do you believe you stand a chance as a woman against these two leading men now that John  Walker is starting to gain points and nearing your total?” You blink at his question before taking a deep breath, holding it to calm your throbbing head, and releasing it slowly. “Oui, I do. I believe I can keep up just as well as any racer. Take my racing career with Zemo. I have kept up with his old extrémité arrière.” The French reporters in the room resound in a fit of chuckles, bringing a smile to your face. “And against Walker?” You meet his gaze as he stares at you expectantly for an answer, forcing that smile he tried to use on you earlier. “I believe I stand quite a good chance, but que le meilleur coureur gagne.” You shrug, listening as the smaller drivers get asked their questions. The whole time there are eyes burning into the left side of your head, waiting until the racers are dismissed. Walker watches you as you walk out, watching the way Zemo comes up in tow as you make your way to the car bay. Something was up, and he could feel that there were clearly doubts in your mind about the accident in France. He would just have to deal with you later. “(First name), wait!” Zemo followed you into the bay, slowing from his jog to keep up with you to a stop near the desk holding your notes about the race and your vehicle. “I haven’t had a chance to talk with you in person since the bar.” He paused, looking into those eyes of yours that gaze at him curiously. “Are you ready for this, fräulein?” 

“Aussi prêt que possible, Baron.” You busy yourself with inspecting your car for any last minute changes, the man watching you as you inspect and work. “Good, good. And we are still a go, yes?” 

“Oui, we are still, as you said, a go.” He grinned at you, gaze flickering down your back as he looked over your uniform. Of course he had noticed you in all aspects before, talent and skill being the top, but never had he been this close like the night at the bar and now to really see you. Maybe after all of this, even with the rivalry, you could be friends, dare he say anything more than such. “You’re staring.” You quip, breaking him from his trance to meet your gaze. The faintest hint of color lingered on your cheeks. He coughed, trying to clear away the embarrassment lingering in his form. Why was he getting embarrassed? “Just thinking about what will be left behind when I pass you on the track, mein liebe.” Your eye roll doesn’t go unnoticed, the man relaxing due to how calm you are around him. No biting his head off, no anger, just chill. You stand and give a playful shove to his shoulder, smiling at the Sokovian. “In your dreams, Sokovian. Now, get the fuck out of my car bay.” He smiled to himself as he walked away, mind now clouded by the smile that lingered on your lips. He liked when you smiled, and he had to make sure this plan worked. 

The race was gearing up to start, the same process as before coming into play. Car, balaclava, wheel. You take your moment to breathe, today your speed has placed you in second, just as the plan entailed. Zemo took the first position. He glanced your way, sending a nod in your direction, only to smirk beneath the balaclava when you flip him off like usual. The rivalry was still on, no matter what he would still have that after dealing with Walker. Still have you in one sense or another. Your glance focused in on the man across the way in the pole position opposite of you, his eyes locked on the two of you before meeting your gaze. There he stares you down, even as his helmet slipped on. The visor was flipped down at the one minute warning, eliminating the final clarifying view of his gaze. It was clear he was cautious of you, maybe even lingering with hate. 

“Fahrer! Starten...sie ihre....Motoren!

That familiar purr settles into your chest, spreading through your body like a dam breaking and flooding the valley below. It stirs up the motivation to win once more, removing any doubt from your mind as you rev your engine. Zemo was right, Walker had to be stopped. With this attitude about racing, playing his little mind games and wrecking racers, he’d get someone killed just for first place. You couldn’t allow that...but you also couldn’t allow the rivalry you have established with Zemo to be broken because of someone else. There was too much there to be lost. Your fingers tighten around the wheel, licking your lips beneath the helmet as you prepare yourself for takeoff. The lights start counting down the race. Five seconds away, one green and two red lights. You watch them count down until the bottom lines of red are fully lit, then they flash off. You’re off, following Zemo right on the tail of his car as you start into the track. This track was a beast, your mind racing as it remembers every nook and cranny of it. Seventy three corners, eleven danger points, hair pin turns, all on a 12.8 mile long course that was deadly in the onset of any weather and people who get careless with their moves. Lucky enough, the sky was only overcast. No rain, little wind to interfere with the aerodynamics and mobility of the chassis, just the perfect chill in the air to remind you where you were in this moment. You take your turns with ease, avoiding the group of cars that began to follow suit on the track behind your own. Your eyes remained locked in on every shift to your side, Walker keeping close by within each turn and danger point you went through. 

As you drive, Walker gets up past you within one of the speed trap areas, the stretch of road allowing him to be up beside Zemo and leave you on the back of their tires. Zemo had a plan, you believed in this plan… but had he just been toying with you to get closer to Walker? Doubt clouded your mind, even as you sped up in an attempt to join the boys directly in the front. Perhaps you shouldn’t have followed this plan, even as you get through the first twenty five laps, then the next twenty five. Each turn brought your tyres closer to Walkers who eyed you cautiously from time to time, as if silently daring you to pull a move like he did. Maybe you’d be caught and black flagged. Hell, that would make his fucking day if that happened. As he watched you, he had failed to notice on the wider strip of the track how Zemo began to drift further and further ahead. Then he was side tracked, Zemo slowing abruptly and stealing the attention of the young American driver. “What the Hell!?” He yelled over the roar of multiple motors, watching your car join Zemo’s side and the original speed be resumed. Now you sat beside Zemo on the track, pedal to the floorboard as you two kept your lead and basically walled Walker in. Each time he tried to drift around, one of you would shift your car just enough to keep him locked in. A grin met your lips as you drove, the energy of the race taking a whole new shift as you got closer and closer to the last lap with your rival right at your side. Tips of the chassis lined up perfectly, rear aerodynamic fins aligned like a well oiled machine. You two were in perfect sync as you put Zemo’s plan into action. Create a wall of impenetrable magnitude. If Walker tried anything, all three of you would go down. If he tried to get around, he would be blocked. There was no getting out from behind you two. 

The checkered flag waved in the quickly approaching distance, your gaze for a moment looking at your rival. The blur of purple was steady, lined with yours like that of an air jet's flight coordination. Perfectly straight, and running at full throttle like you are. As your cars pass the finish line, debate begins to rise. It was too close in the end to call, at least not right away. You slow, allowing the purple beast to pass by and enter the pit before you, a silent gesture of courtesy to the man you worked with. He sent a small nod your way when he watched you get out of your car, helmet removed along with his balaclava and revealing the joyful grin resting on his lips. Anyone else would mistaken it for cockiness, but the look in his eyes said it all. You two did it, you beat Walker in the race! He must be furious! A breath is held on your end, helmet and the fabric covering your face discarded as you turn your gaze away from the arriving racers and the man you drove along with. You were locked in on that score board, curiosity eating at you for who may have won the race. You were neck in neck with the man, the smallest push forward could earn either of you the points for the day. No names shown yet, and you anxiously leaned on the hot surface of the carbon fiber vehicle as you waited. Each noise around you from the slow dwindle of engines to low, fading purrs to the pit crews of your respective teams surrounding you, your rival, and the newcomer were drowned out by the pounding of your heart as it flooded your ear drums. It felt like hours passed as you kept your gaze locked on, ignoring the happy clamour of your crew, the clasp of hands on your shoulder and pats on your back, even down to the ruffling of your hair in glee. Then it flashed up. 

1st: (First initial). (Last name) 

1st: H. Zemo 

2nd: J. Walker

The press goes crazy over the news, each respective country reporting their amazement over the finishing results.

“Ein fehlerfreier, aber überraschender Sieg für Baron Helmut Zemo, der mit (First name) (Last name) gleichauf den ersten Platz belegt!”

“Victoire pour la championne de France (First name) (Last name) alors qu'elle rejoint le Baron Helmut Zemo dans une rare égalité!”

“In a remarkable and truly unprecedented event in The Nürburgring F1 race! Baron Helmet Zemo and (First name) (Last name) tied in a photo finish for first place, a rare occurrence that has set back American racer John Walker from the potential for first place!”

Your breath comes out shaky, slowly slipping out as reality hits you like a wrecking ball to a brick wall. The air leaves your lungs as a happy noise rings out from your lips, joining your crew in the celebration as they hug and surround you. You placed first. Zemo placed first. Curiosity met you, your gaze looking to the man who celebrated with his own crew before allowing himself a chance to settle his gaze on you in turn. There he sent a wink, a silent congratulations that made you shake your head at his antics before refocusing on the celebration. You would be standing with the man in first place on that podium, both sharing the victory wreath and spraying champagne all over the crowd of fans and your respective pit crews who were basking in the glory just as much as you two were. You couldn’t help the glee bubbling up in your form, even as you make your way not too far from your rival. For a second, just a split second, you let the rivalry go and let your smile be seen in accompaniment with his gleeful grin, shoulders bumping when you’re positioned at the podium by the F1 management crew. Press swarm to the area like flies to a summer barbecue, wanting to catch a glimpse of the rivals standing together, being on the podium and sharing first place. “Not so bad working with my, as you put it earlier, old extrémité arrière, hm?” He questioned as you two stood together, the closeness you two were forced into for the photographers far more comfortable than it would have been under any other circumstances. He blamed the feelings he had at this moment on the victory over Walker, over the rest of the racers, not even thinking that perhaps this was beyond the fact that he won but that you, his favorite rival, won alongside him. “Non, not the worst.” You joked lightly, forcing a serious face for the cameras when they began to picture you two side by side on the first place stand. He accepted the bottle of champagne before you could, holding it out. “You may have the honor, (First name).” Your fingers brush his own as you grasp the bottle with him, popping the cork and sending the bubbly to decorate the crowd. Flash after flash met you as you stood alongside Zemo and basked in the glory of the win. “How about drinks to celebrate? Even as rivals, I believe a drink wouldn’t hurt.” He whispered the question, causing your gaze to lock on his own in brief surprise. Was he serious!? “I um..Oui, sure. Meet you in town?” He nods, gaze seeming to glimmer ever so brighter as he takes his leave. Even when you separate to get cleaned of the alcohol and switch to “civilian clothing”, your smile doesn’t falter. Maybe it would be good for you to drink the night away with company that didn’t seem as bad as you once had thought before. 

As you begin to peel away the racing suit, the flame resistant material bunching at your waist and revealing the open expanses of your back, the simplistic bra strap over the back the only material seen, you fail to hear the seething man enter your car bay. “Do you know what you just did, Ms. (Last name)? Who you fucked with?” Walker puts his hands on your shoulders, spinning you around to face him, his face inches away from yours. “You went and fucked with the wrong man. You could have just accepted your loss, licked your wounds, and we would have been just fine. But oh no, you had to go and fuck with my winning streak with that Sokovian piece of shit.” He huffed when you shove him back, gaze narrowed and arms crossing over your bra covered chest out of annoyance. You could care less what he saw. “I don’t see why you’re so mad, Mr. Walker. You got a taste of your own medicine after that stunt you pulled back in France. You and I both know that was no accident.” 

“You know what? Yeah, I did that. But I see you are working with Zemo now, which is also a big no-no in Formula 1. Seems we’re both sinners of the race. The greed of it.” His tone was a hushed, harsh whisper. There was no need to alert anyone that he was in your private quarters harassing you. “I’m nothing like you.” Your tone came out in a hiss, his downturned lips curving up into a grin at your response. “Oh sweetheart, I beg to differ.” He chuckled at the narrowed gaze he was met with. “You and your Sokovian boy toy need to back off. Let this happen like it should or you’ll not like what happens next.”

“And just what do you think you’ll do, John? Because all I’m hearing right now is a lot of talking with no proof of any big execution.” Your lazy grin and scoff of annoyance at his presence left him to raise his hands in mock defeat, hands coming to rest on your shoulders once more with a harsh grip that made your body tense and hold you there. He leaned in, even as you tried to lean away, his lips moving in close near your ear. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Frenchie. I will do anything to win. You best remember that.” His tone alone makes your body betray you, the calm, cool, and collected front slipping as a shiver ran up your spine at his warning. And with that, he leaves you to get dressed for the night. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zemo texts you an address for a bar off the beaten path in Cologne, Germany, further than you had anticipated in going from the track but a welcomed change of scenery. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Frenchie. I will do anything to win. You best remember that.” The words stick with you, even as you drive the main road into the big city, looking for the bar Zemo had invited you to. It was connected to a hotel, a fancy hotel at that, with old architecture and lavish exterior. You could only imagine the interior! A nervous breath is taken as you get out of the car, gaze meeting the man you had just won with. He smiled at you, clothing casual and the air around him feeling far more comforting now than ever. The incident with Walker had left you rattled, sending your nerve endings to buzz and let your body know that you aren’t okay. Even though you felt off, you force a smile to the man who wrapped a friendly arm around your shoulders and led you in to sit at the quiet bar. “So, did I not tell you the plan would work?”

“I just thought it was your cockiness talking, but I will admit, though it physically pains me to do so…” You pause, biting your lip. “Well?” You sigh. “You were right.” The words come out struggled and forced, the man's grin growing at such. “Ah~, I don’t believe I caught that.” “Oh va te faire foutre!” He chuckled at your words, hand raised towards the bartender to get you drinks. “What are you ordering?”

“Shots. We deserve something to toast our victory to, and I don’t believe champagne is your drink of choice.” He offered you one of the smaller glasses, his own raised before him as he locks those bright brown eyes with your own. “Ein Prost! To us, and our victory over John Walker. May that American schwein taste defeat again.” You raise your glass, hoping to drink away any thoughts about Walker's warning and leave it for the next day. Throwing caution to the wind, you decided right then and there that you would finally have fun and disregard the night that you sat across from your rival. Tonight you just wanted to drink. “À la vôtre!” The drink is bitter as it hits your throat and travels down your body, causing a warmth to spread soon after. Kuemmerling, a bitter concoction of herbaceous and bittersweet flavors. A drink of choice for Zemo it seemed because soon after the shots were downed, he ordered another round. 

Shot after shot after shot is taken down until your body is leaning against his own and a joke that is shaky at best from his part sends you into a roar of laughter. He holds you close, laughing right along with you. “So... It’s Barenjar?” He snorts at your piss poor pronunciation of the new liquor joining the mix, shaking his head at you as he looks on with drunken vision. “Nien, nien, Bärenjäger. Say it with me. Bä-”

“Bä-”

“Ren-”

“Ren-”

“Jäger!”

“Mick Jagger?” 

He laughs in defeat, shaking his head as he watched you. So relaxed, so calm. He hasn’t seen you like this before in his life. He’s startled by your sudden movements after downing your last shot for the night, catching you as you try to stand and stumble as your feet betray you. Your body landing against his, his arms slotting themselves around your waist as your drunken gaze catches his own. Those brown eyes of his are hypnotizing, keeping your gaze locked on his own. “I have something to confess, (First name).” He paused to wet his lips, trying to piece the words together in his hazy mind. “I have liked you since the day I met you.” He finally blurts out, fingers moving up to brush away a stray strand of hair that had fallen into your eyes. “You’re infuriating, yet calming. Stubborn and determined. Your smile is lovely and those eyes…” He trails off, leaving your hazy mind questioning what was going to come after, but you hardly have time to think about it as he pressed in closer, face inches from your own. The smell of Bärenjäger and Kuemmerling lingered on his breath as it fanned over your face, those brown eyes searching for something in your own. “Can you feel it, the connection we have? Can you see that we are not just rivals now?” His tone was just barely above a whisper, questioning you with a hint of desperation to his tone. 

“Oui.” 

That was the only answer he needed. His lips are on yours with fever and desperation, hands clinging to your form for dear life after hearing the words that sent him to fully fall into the feeling of you. You were his comfort, the one constant thing in his life. His rival...but right now you were the woman he sloppily kissed at the hotel bar as the bartender tried to catch his attention to tell you that you both were cut off for the night. His hands moved to grip at your thigh and tangle in your hair, abandoning the idea of holding anything back, the liquor giving him courage to make a move on you. He has wanted to do this for years, touch you, feel you, have you there with him in any way he could. He separated only when the threat of security was offered by the bartender, lips kiss swollen and a faint pant falling from them. “Come.” His hand takes hold of yours, leading you along to the lift and up to his room for the night. This hotel that he called home for the time being would serve well for what he had in mind to do to you. He led you inside, not even waiting for the door to close as he captured your lips once more, hands taking your rear in his grasp and hoisting you up so your legs wrapped around him, back pressed up against the closest wall he could find. He held you there, lips separating to begin trailing hungry kisses down the column of your throat and allow his hands to trace along your sides. His fingers slipped beneath the fabric of your shirt to feel the bare skin there, wanting what he has longed for since the day he met you. A noise fell from your lips as he lazily suckled a mark over your pulse point, your fingers tangling into his dark hair and tugging the locks when his hips grounded against your own. He couldn’t help the fire blooming in his body, needy for the creature that has teased him for all these years, The one he thought he would never have a chance with because of their hate for each other on the track. He needed you, and in your current state, you were willing to accept any touch he offered. He was just Helmut Zemo tonight. Not your rival, not the Baron, just Helmut. And you were his (First name). 

A groan left his lips when you pulled him by his hair away from your neck, hands working to take your shirt up and over your head. Throwing it aside, he looked at you with a gaze of admiration. It was similar to the gaze he gave when looking at the new modifications to his car, taking pride in the beauty of things that drove him to win. He dampens his lips, fingers lazily dragging up the expanses of your back from bottom to top, resting on the clasp of the garment covering your breast. “Darf ich?” Your nod was all he needed, the clasp undone with skilled fingers that knew precision, holding still on your back when your arms rose to take the garment and throw it in an unknown direction to be forgotten about for the time being. He wasted no time with taking one of your breasts in hand, fingers running over the sensitive bud of one while he took the other in his mouth, suckling and lavishing with his tongue. He took his time, drunken yet slowly sobering mind savoring each and every noise that fell from your lips as he toyed with your body. You’re barely into foreplay and he already has your panties soaked, the Baron being a creature that knows exactly what buttons to push to get you going without even knowing your body. He was skilled, that much was for sure in your mind as he switched to the other breast, paying equal attention to each. Those brown eyes of his don’t leave your face for a second, watching every reaction and trying to commit them to memory. If he could only have you tonight, he wanted to remember everything he possibly could. Every detail of your body, everything that drew a hitched breath or a low moan from your lips. Every shaky breath and the way your body would press closer to his greedy mouth and hand. He stored it all away. Maybe he’d wake up the next day and fancy this a pleasant dream...It wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten worked up by thinking about you. 

His hand traveled downward, cupping your sex through your pants as his own grinds up against your thigh, straining through the fabric of his pants. He ached for you, for your heated skin to be pressed against his own in a delicious rut of bodies. He traced along the seam, hearing the low whine that fell from your lips as he teased you through the material. “Helmut, stop for a moment.” The man paused all actions, his gaze shifted to a worried state as he met your eyes and spoke with concern. “Are you alright, mein liebling?”

“Oui.” Your fingers trace his jaw, the man's face briefly pressing in against your palm before delivering a soft kiss to the area. A tender gesture that sent butterflies to flutter in your stomach and heart to speed further than the foreplay had already caused. “I just...Take me to the bedroom. Please?” You preferred not being right beside the door where anyone could listen in, where anyone could hold a camera up to the peephole and record the sexual pleasures of the infamous Wildcard and Baron. That would make a top headline, wouldn’t it? He gave a chuckle at your demand, nodding as he kept his grip on you, your legs wrapping just a hint tighter around him as he moved you both to the bedroom. He’s gentle with setting you down, looking down at you when you unwrap your arms and legs from his form. “Scheiße, du bist perfekt.” He slowly worked on the buttons of his shirt, working each plastic piece through the loop with fingers that were known for precision on the course. A shift in his steering, taking hold of the semi-automatic paddle-shifters as he drove, it was all well calculated and that applied on and off the track. His shirt is shrugged off his shoulders, thrown aside before focusing on the belt on his pants. He gets it off with what can only be deemed a darkening gaze, knowing he’s getting closer and closer to having you. You rose to let your hands trail his chest, roaming over the lean muscle that rested there as feather light kisses met his collarbone. A shiver met his spine, shooting up in bliss as he allowed a moment to savor the feeling of you touching his skin. Your skin was so warm, so inviting. He was getting lost in everything. 

Your fingers shift down his torso, trailing his abdomen before looping in the belt loops of his pants to pull him forward, a low growl falling from his lips when you place a kiss above the waistline of his pants. Your movements were confident, unzipping his trousers and tugging them down to reveal the tent hidden behind his underwear. He swallowed thickly as he kicked his pants off, watching your every move as you cup him through the thin fabric, thumb moving to brush over the leaking tip and cause a shaky breath to leave him. “Maus-” A groan leaves his lips when a jerk through the fabric is given, his head falling back briefly. He huffed when you repeated the motion, fingers anxious to wrap around his bare flesh and feel that hot skin in the palm of your hand. But he stops you, hand wrapping around your own and bringing it to his lips once more. “Tonight is not about me, maus.” You’re surprised when the man placed his hand on your chest, lightly pushing you back to lay on the bed as he slowly sank down onto his knees, ”Es geht nur um dich.’ His lips drag slowly across your skin, trailing light kisses and nips along your abdomen and resting at the waist of your pants. He glanced up, a silent question of courtesy offered your way as his fingers loop in the band, asking permission like a proper gentleman. “Go ahead.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, his presence making you feel like you’re floating higher and higher on this ride with him. He gave a tug, your rear lifting and back arching to aid the man as he pulled your pants down and let them fall to join the scattered articles around the room. You’d have to go on a damn scavenger hunt just to find your clothes! But none of that mattered now, not when his hot breath is fanning over your needy core and face nuzzling at your thighs. He placed a kiss to your inner thigh before another followed, then another as he began to trail inward towards your covered core. “Aufgeregt?” He purred in questioning, a low rumble of a chuckle coming from deep within his chest spilling out at the small nod he is met with, loving how he has left you damn near speechless just by being so close. Your hips jump back before he gets a grip on them, his tongue moving over the wet fabric and causing a light whine to spill from your lips. “Helmut, please.” Oh, hearing you speak his name only egged him on further, needing you. He needed to taste you, to feel you. He needed you in every way, and his drunken mind only pushed him on to pull the fabric away from your legs and stare at the glory that is you. So wet, so beautiful. He wasted no more time, bringing your legs to hook over his shoulders and delved into the intoxicating honey pot he had been offered. He started off slowly, a long lap from entrance to clit given before the motion was repeated just to hear the noise that left your lips with each swipe. Zemo was mapping you out, taking note of what areas made your thighs twitch and tense, what areas made your hips jump back at the sensitivity of his touch, and what made those oh so delicious noises spill from your mouth. 

He allows his tongue to focus in on your clit, flicking the bundle of nerves in a rhythm that sends your head to spin and moan after moan to spill from your lips. “Merde!” He smirked against your core when your hand shot down to tangle in his locks, needing stability after he took your clit between his lips and suckled. He repeats the motion, gaze locked on your own and watching the sudden shock of the feeling run through your body. You were so reactive, and just for him. A lazy lick is given to the sensitive bundle of nerves, watching your hips jerk lightly and seeing the tremble that began to settle into your thighs. “Close?” He questioned as if he was questioning about an everyday thing, totally not giving the impression he was getting you close to orgasm just with that sinful tongue and lips of his. O-Oui.” Your tone was shaky, breathy, eyes half lidded and watching his every move on you. “Gut.” A gasp fell from your lips when he sank a digit into your hot, needy core, arching along the way and searching for the sweet spot deep within. He wasn’t like the inexperienced boys who would just jab their fingers into their partner and hope it hits something. No, his fingers curled, probed, dragged and felt for that spot in a way that showed his experience. A second digit is added not too long after the first, probing the flesh within until he hears your moan and finds that spot that drives you to clamp your thighs around his head. A groan left his lips at the rush of slick is met with each probe, massaging that spot within you and only adding to the tension building in your core. Each throb he was met with only spurred him on. He was on a mission to bring you over the edge, and he would do anything to get you off. When his mouth returned to your still sensitive clit, tongue flicking of the bundle and including the occasional suckle while his fingers moved deep within, you were done for. A rough tug is given to his hair as your body convulses, thighs clamping around him and grinding your hips down against his eager tongue. He helps you ride out your orgasm, lapping at your clit until you give a light shove to his head to make him stop. A wicked smile crosses his features as he gives one final suckle, a squeak leaving your lips at the motion and shoving him back as much as your trembling body allows. He can only chuckle at the attempt, fingers removing from your throbbing core. He watched your gaze land on him when you caught sight of the digits, watching the man move his glance to them as if he was inspecting them before a quiet whimper left your lips when they were taken one by one into his mouth. He made it a show, teasing you as he cleaned each digit of your juices in a slow motion. Sinking down to the knuckle before returning and licking at whatever was left. “Tease.” You huffed, chest rising and falling steadily with your hammering heart. “Oh you know you like it.” He retorted, lazily letting his body climb up and over yours on the plush mattress. 

He pushed the final material separating you from him away, throwing the underwear away before letting himself settle in against your body. Zemo wasted no time in wrapping your legs around his waist, lips joining yours as he lined up with you, one hand taking hold of your hip while the other took hold of your hair, tugging it back enough to have access to your neck. As he begins to ease himself within you, his lips attach at a section of your neck, a harsh mark left in his wake as he sinks inch by inch within the lightly pulsing core that he toyed with before. A groan was left against your skin when he was fully settled, grip rough on your hip but movements gentle as he waited for you to adjust. He was no animal, not cruel! He knew that there was a possibility for pain if he moved too soon, and even in his drunken haze he recognized the look in your eyes, the slight twinge of pain from his size alone. The stretch wasn’t unpleasant, no, but it was an intrusion you weren’t quite used to when normally doing this. He lightly placed kisses to sooth you along the mark he left, trailing them up the underside of your chin, going along your jaw before soon connecting with your lips in a soft kiss. Something to distract you until you were ready for him to move. A shift of your hips was given when you tested the feeling of him in you, the moan that left your lips causing a low growl to fall from his own. He lifted his body to loom over yours, hand moving from your hair to cup a breast as he sets a slow, deep and even borderline sensual pace within your core. Slowly out until the tip stayed just barely in before plunging deeply into your warm, wet depths. He huffed with each push of his cock within your core, meeting your moans with a faint groan here or a soft growl there when your walls gripped him just right. He was losing composure with each faint twitch of your walls around him, pace beginning to pick up into a steady rhythm that developed the noise of slick skin hitting skin and the bed beneath to creak ever so slightly with each movement. “Verdammt!” He could tell how your walls began to tighten around him, how each noise leaving your lips grew louder and louder. His poor neighbors, hearing you both so vividly through the walls of the hotel. Yet he didn’t care who heard. As long as they knew that in this moment, you were his to take, that was all that mattered. Zemo moved his thumb to your clit, working the bundle along with the assault he laid on your sensitive spot deep within. Each clamp around him brought his own release to come closer and closer. “Cum for me, maus.” He demanded with a grunt, needing to feel you come undone to reach his own release. His words hit somewhere deep in you, the demand that was laced with a plea driving you to your second orgasm of the night. He groaned as he felt you clamp around him, the sensation alone causing him to remove himself from you and spill onto your stomach with a few quick pumps of his hand along his slick coated member. He pants, taking in the sight of you one final time for the time being. Messy, slickened by your own arousal and sweat. Your hair was messed up, your lips parted and panting. To add the cherry on top, you were coated in his release, a sight for sore eyes while you lay like this. He made you like this, and it swells his drunken ego. 

Slowly he eased down to lay at your side, bringing you in against him with an almost delicate kiss delivered to your temple. Your breathing slowly evened out, head resting against his chest as his fingers trail along your back, drawing imaginary patterns as his mind begins to blank. The alcohol was taking effect, causing him to enter a lull and for his eyes to flutter shut. As you lay there, catching your breath, you watch as he drifts away, a single question beginning to enter your sobering mind. 

“What have I done?”

Tag List: @darksxder | @mymagicsuitcase | @mischief-siriusly-managed | @alindeluce​

[minettestan]

Do you have a tag for games you recommend? I'm always looking for new games and my experience with point and click or 90s computer games is sorely lacking.

💕My favorite question💕 I took one of my old posts and updated it, so here!

💕 Personal Favorite

💀 Scary Content

👧 Female Protagonist

✨ Important to the genre’s history

📚 Tricky for new players, look up controls or a walkthrough to get started

❕  Difficult

👿 Potential insensitive content

The Colonel’s Bequest (1989) $5.99 💕✨👧💀❕📚

“It is the year 1925, and the roaring '20s are well underway. As Laura Bow, young college student, you've been invited to visit the Colonel's isolated estate. Watch as the Colonel announces his intention to bequeath his millions to all present!”

The classic Sierra murder mystery game, developed by the mother of the genre Roberta Williams. Laura Bow is a sorely overlooked female protagonist. The game works by navigating Laura and typing in commands, kinda of tricky at first. Tons of game overs are a hallmark of a Sierra adventure game so save often! If you play the GOG.com version you get the benefit of autosaves. This game runs a timer, the events of the night will unfold with or without you so stay on your toes and keep moving! The game can be found for free here, but imo the $5.99 is worth it for the easy of access.

The Dagger of Amon-Ra (1992) $5.99 👧✨❕📚👿💀

“Laura Bow, intrepid heroine of The Colonel's Bequest, is back! This time she's trapped in a huge, imposing museum in the dead of night, surrounded by socialites, miscreants, thieves...and a cold, relentless murderer.“

Roberta Williams is back! Iconic game, iconic heroine. It’s still a Sierra game so like TCB there are tons of (iconic) game overs, so save often. Solving puzzles in this one gives me a great serotonin rush. Unfortunately, this game has some racism issues, particularly with the characters Lo Fat and Ramses. While an important game in the genre take it with a huge grain of salt and maybe turn of the (kind of awful) voice acting and enable text-only mode and you’ll avoid some awful accents.

Sam & Max: Hit the Road (1993) $5.99 💕✨

“Sam (a canine shamus) and Max (a hyperkinetic rabbity thing) are hot on the trail of a runaway carnival bigfoot across America’s quirky underbelly in this deranged animated adventure!“

Sam & Max are truly my favorite characters in all of fiction. I have the box art to this game as my phone case. I have Sam & Max action figures, a plush Max on my bed, a print edition of Sam & Max Freeland Police Special #1 framed on my wall. From comics, to games, to cartoons I love these guys. Sam & Max: Hit the Road is a classic of the Lucasarts adventure games. That being said, it’s the least user-friendly of the Sam & Max adventure games and the slowest. I still love it to bits and it’s important to the genre’s history imo.  

Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers (1993) $5.99 💕💀👿

“The adventure of Gabriel Knight starts with gathering materials for his new book, and ends up becoming a fight for his very soul. He must now face countless dangers in New Orleans, Africa and Germany, each bringing him ever closer to unraveling the mystery behind suspicious voodoo murders. Haunted by nightmares, he won't give up until he reveals the truth. “

Another Sierra game directed by a woman, Jane Jenson. Gabriel Knight, voiced by Tim Curry, is one of my favorite adventure game protagonists of all time. This game is scary and gory so enter at your own risk! I love the gameplay in this one, I love the narrator, I love the puzzles. But it seems Sierra games have some problems with the representation of minorities. The game is set in New Orleans and focuses on a voodoo cult. Which means consequently the game's major antagonists are all black. Unlike the Dagger of Amon Ra, Sins of the Fathers actually employed black actors to play black characters. There’s a lot to be said about the ways in which white media demonizes voodoo and those who practice it. If you play this one, remain critical. And for the love of god, don’t play the 20th anniversary version.

Day of the Tentacle: Remastered (1993/2016) $14.99 ✨👧❕

“Originally released by LucasArts in 1993 as a sequel to Ron Gilbert’s ground breaking Maniac Mansion, Day of the Tentacle is a mind-bending, time travel, cartoon puzzle adventure game in which three unlikely friends work together to prevent an evil mutated purple tentacle from taking over the world!“

Another classic LucasArts game! This was the first game co-headed by Tim Schaffer who would go on to make the outstanding Grim Fandango! This one is exceedingly wacky and the remastered version has made it more user-friendly than ever.

Toonstruck (1996) $9.99 💕

“Drew Blanc is a cartoon animator and the original creator of the Fluffy Fluffy Bun Bun Show.. Drew's boss, Sam Schmaltz, sets him the task of designing more bunnies to co-star in the Fluffy Fluffy Bun Bun Show by the next morning. However, the depressed animator soon nods off, suffering from acute artist's block. He wakes early the next morning to inexplicably find his television switched on, announcing the Fluffy Fluffy Bun Bun Show. Suddenly, Drew is mysteriously drawn into the television screen and transported to an idyllic two-dimensional cartoon world populated by his own creations, among many other cartoon characters.“

If you’re a fan of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? you’ll love this. Christopher Lloyd is Drew Blanc (ha) trying to save a cartoon world through inventory item puzzles. Truly wacky, zany, and ani-mainy. I played Toontown as a kid so I’m predisposed to like this one. This is also the only game with Full Motion Video I’m putting on the list because FMV games can be an acquired taste.

Grim Fandango (1996/2015) $14.99 💕✨

“Something's rotten in the land of the dead, and you're being played for a sucker. Meet Manny Calavera, travel agent at the Department of Death. He sells luxury packages to souls on their four-year journey to eternal rest. But there's trouble in paradise. Help Manny untangle himself from a conspiracy that threatens his very salvation.“

Yesssssssss! I LOVE Grim Fandango! The iconic game directed by Tim Schaffer has received the best remaster I’ve seen a point n’ click receive. I cannot recommend Grim Fandango enough! Stick with it through the forest section, trust me.

The Last Express (1997) $5.99 ❕ 📚

“Paris, 1914. The world is on the brink of war and this train could push it over the edge. You are Robert Cath, a young American urgently summoned by your old friend Tyler Whitney to join him aboard the Paris-Constantinople express, departing from the Gare de l'Est on July 24th. Arriving late, you discover something has gone terribly wrong. Now you must untangle a complex web of political intrigue, suspense, romance, and betrayal. Every move you make could bring you closer to the truth or your own demise. Bon voyage! “

Ooooh I love a murder on a train! This game features rotoscope animation, which I love. Like The Colonel’s Bequest this game runs in real time, meaning the events of the game will unfold with or without you, depending on where you are at what time you’ll receive different information or see/miss different events. Very replayable with several different outcomes.

Sam & Max Save the World (Remastered) $19.99 💕

“ Sam is a six-foot canine detective with a love of justice. Max is a hyperkinetic rabbity-thing with a taste for mayhem. Together, they're the Freelance Police. And they're about to save the world.”

Sam & Max Save the World, originally released in episodes from 2006-2008 has been remastered and looks AMAZING! After LucasArts was shut down their game devs formed Tell Tale Games and produced three seasons of Sam & Max sequel games, all of which are great. But TellTale was shut down (and screwed over their employees) in 2018. Since then some of their devs have formed Skunkape Games and are currently remastering all of Tell Tale’s Sam & Max series (I’m thrilled). They’ve also adjusted some aspects of the game to make the game more inclusive and less **offensive. So imo it’s worth it to wait for the release of the other seasons to experience Sam & Max in pristine condition. Save the World is the only season out now, but you can get the non-remastered versions of Beyond Time and Space, and In The Devil’s Playhouse, here and here.

 **I should note the “offensive” material in the original is not as egregious as say, The Dagger of Amon-Ra, but it’s just a nice change to see especially in a game I hold dear.

Emerald City Confidential (2009) $9.99 👧

“Explore the underbelly of Oz as Emerald City's most cunning detective! As Petra, you'll be lured deep into mysteries involving new foes and familiar faces; Scarecrow, Lion, and Toto included! This is Oz as you've never seen it before! Solve the mystery and unravel a conspiracy of magic and intrigue! Follow a case through five chapters full of puzzles, witnesses, suspects, and allies in this twist on a timeless classic! “

We’re moving out of the 1990s now. Emerald City Confidential is the Wizard of Oz meets film noir. I played this as 13 year old and have revisited it as an adult and I still eat it up. Wadjet Eye makes consistently good adventure games so check this one out!

The Blackwell Series (2006) $14.99 💕👧

“Meet Rosangela Blackwell, an embittered writer who just found out that she is a medium and that it’s her mission, whether she likes it or not, to assist tormented spirits and investigate other supernatural goings-on. She is assisted by the sardonic Joey Mallone, a ghost from the 1930s.”

Another Wadjet Eye game! I’ve seen these games recommended amoungst the Clue Crew before and I’ll just throw my own endorsement on the pile. Yeah I’m in love with Joey Mallone. What about it?

The Charnel House Trilogy (2015) $5.99 👧💀

“Witness The Charnel House Trilogy, the chronicle of one fateful night aboard a train bound for Augur Peak. Three thrilling, horrifying adventure games in one, from the depths of the Sepulchre.”

Plays like Blackwell, has a Blackwell reference at the beginning, okay you got me. This is a good, if kinda short, game. It’s very creepy, involves murder and has some gore/violence so watch out! I’m still waiting on the sequel Owl Cave!

Thimbleweed Park (2017) $19.99 👧

“A haunted hotel, an abandoned circus, a burnt-out pillow factory, a dead body pixelating under the bridge, toilets that run on vacuum tubes... you’ve never visited a place like this before.“

Made by Ron Gilbert and  Gary Winnick the creators of the classic games Maniac Mansion and Monkey Island Thimbleweed Park is a love letter to the classics of the point and click adventure genre. Features 5 different playable characters, ala Maniac Mansion, who and how many you play is up to you! This one also has stand alone DLCs!

Unavowed (2018) $14.99 👧

“ A demon possessed you one year ago. Since that day, you unwillingly tore a trail of bloodshed through New York City. Your salvation comes in the form of the Unavowed – an ancient society dedicated to stopping evil.”

Okay I haven’t actually played this one, but I want to. Its a Wadjet Eye so you know it’s good. From the reviews I’ve seen this is the Blackwell Series meets Dragon Age. A point and click that incorporates RPG elements, I love that.

I also have a love of the more, strange, and unusual adventure games that I can't necessarily recommend with good conscience. So if you want bizarre 90s and early 2000s games of dubious quality hit me up.

[alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice]

Writing Masterlist and Requesting Info

My Tags

My OCs: #OC Lyra (used for multiple fandoms - took on a life of her own), #Apprentice Gale (Arcana Apprentice, the first OC on this blog)

My creations (fics, moodboards, analysis, theories, etc): #alls fair creations

Gale Dekarios x Lyra Brightsong fics/info/snippits: #Weaving Constellations

Fluff Fic Requests

Carry Me Home - Imtura from Blades of Light and Shadow x MC

My Brother the Bard - Kade from Blades of Light and Shadow & MC

Ice Cream Fixes Everything - Captain Ed Mercer from The Orville x Reader

Chase the Darkness Away - Modern Day AU Aaravos from The Dragon Prince x Reader

White Rose - Ethari x Runaan from The Dragon Prince

Everyone Needs a Friend - Aaravos from The Dragon Prince x Reader

Sailing for the Horizon - Blades of Light and Shadow: Imtura and Kade discuss Reader

Spare a Moment or Two - Obey Me: Shall We Date Lucifer x MC

Other One Shots

* means link will take you to AO3

Muriel’s Strength - The Arcana Muriel x MC

Hanged-Man’s Chest - The Arcana Julian x MC

Fake it ‘Til You Make It - The Arcana Lucio character study

Like Real People Do - The Arcana Asra x MC

Who Are You, Death? - Original response to a writing prompt

I Wish a Kiss Could Do the Talking for Me - The Arcana, a ship between two fan apprentices 

Revenge Can Wait* - The Dragon Prince Aaravos x Someone Else’s Original Male Character

The Final Battle* - The Dragon Prince theoretical ending, kind of Aaravos x Orphan Queen

Loneliness is Such a Monstrous Thing* - EXPLICIT 18+ Koh (ATLA) x OC/reader written on a dare/lost bet

F8 - Baldur's Gate 3 Tav remembers a previous saved game via dream

The Astronomer and the Mage 

***Aaravos x reader series with connected one-shots. Currently "completed" but will be rewritten with a massive shift in story. All links here go to AO3***

The Astronomer and the Mage Part 1 (original, 18+ only!)

The Astronomer and the Mage Part 1 Alt Version (edited version sfw)

Dark Magic Has Consequences - bonus story focused on Viren

He’s More Myself Than I Am - bonus scene between Aaravos and Astronomer

The Astronomer and the Mage Part 2 - (18+ only)

The Astronomer and the Mage Part 2 SFW version - same story without the explicit elements

Cosmic Love (The Astronomer and the Mage rewrite)

Cosmic Love

The Star King's Labyrinth

Aaravos x Female OC Labyrinth AU: part 1, part 2, part 3

The Snake and the Star: A Multi-Part Loki x Aaravos story

Archive of Our Own

FanFiction Net

DeviantArt

A Simple Plan Gone Wrong: Astarion x Tav BG3

Ongoing Series, lots of hurt/comfort, 18+ AO3 Link

Weaving Constellations - Gale x Tav BG3 (join tag list here)

"You're not versed in magic are you", Scholarly Discussion, The Ever-Seeing Eye, Confessions, Interlude - Friendly Advice, Magic Lesson , Silver Stars, The Wizard's Dilemma, A Light in the Darkness

Taking Requests: info and guidelines

You can request short fluff written pieces or character moodboards

One-shot fanfics:

*** CLOSED ***

- The main theme for my series of one shots and requests is comfort, as I think we could all use a little of that from our favorite characters right now

- As such, I’m only doing fluff for now: no lemons and no angst (except mild hurt in a h/c fic)

- I’ll do platonic and romantic character/character or character/reader, and I’ll do my best to keep it gender neutral in case of the latter. I don’t really vibe with second person writing though so I’ll be writing in first person. Edit: I feel more confident writing in second person now! So I can probably give you that if you request x reader.

- I do requests in order that they are submitted to me, with the exception of if I have done one for you before. I’ll get to it, but it will be pushed down in priority so new people can get their own comfort fics. (I’m leaving anon on and I’m trusting you guys to be honest about this. I want as many people as possible to get some love)

- Each one will be around 1000 words, give or take a couple hundred.

Aesthetic boards:

*** CLOSED ***

- These are way easier for me to do! Usually take about 30 minutes each, and they spark my creativity so I can write more!

- Pick a character, book, show, any fandom thing really, and send me a request. I’ll probably get back to you in a day or two depending on how busy I am.

- I can also do specific ratios instead of just square ones. I know everyone is about making icons, but these can be useful for blog headers! (I used to do these for friends on another blog, they work really well)

General:

- I can't guarantee I'll know the character/fandom you're talking about. If I'm not familiar, I won't feel able to fulfill your request, but I can't list out all my fandoms either because I'm sure to forget some. The only way to know is to ask, so don't be shy <3

- Please be patient as I am a very stressed out college student. I love doing this, but I have a busy school life.

- If you want reference from previous requests, all my creative stuffs are under the tag #alls fair creations

[broken-minded-love]

@sad-sweet-cowboah Hope you don’t mind if I start a new post here, I don’t want to prolong the debate by doing this, but I still have some things to say and the other post is getting kind of ridiculous and is hard to reply to due to it’s length.  I’ll quote a few things from the original thread to keep it linked in reply and physically here for posterity.  [...I know it makes me seem suspicious but I have a habit of reading things without saving them, etc...] I appreciate that you wouldn’t keep track like that, who does? However, I can’t see any credit given to HOGO or her work on your blog/story before the original call out drama in 2019? Obviously you may have done that privately, but I know how fandoms work and there’s a lot of mutual backscratching in drama’s like this so it seems impossible to truly validate any of this independently, which is a shame. Perhaps it was my mistake, but when you said you’d been inspired by HOGO’s fics I assumed she’d written a full fic. I can’t find an actual chaptered fan fic following videogame Arthur in modern times from HOGO, and nothing of him in that setting by himself. It all seems to be involving the gang too, which is quite a different dynamic to what occurs in your series and Wish Upon. I can see how it would be difficult to keep track of HOGO’s posts, even if you were trying too, because I can see dozens of drabbles, but nothing as a titled fic you could keep track of.  I can also see why those little scenes and dialogs may have inspired you, but as I said I can’t see any credit for the inspiration as you claimed? Besides which, it’s all kind of a moot point, because I think the bigger issue seems to be less about the initial inspiration and more about the timing and direct comparisons that can be drawn between your series and Wish Upon.  [...I also included the-awkward-outlaw’s series as an example since you mentioned previously that it’s a “very niche” topic when it’s more popular than one would think. ...] Well, yes, it is now, but it wasn’t to begin with. Ever since the onset of this drama, I’ve only seen a tiny handful of attempts at covering Arthur in the modern world in a fic, which still makes it niche when you compare to the volume of repeated themes in Red Dead fics over all.  It was a completely non existent plotline (at least on AO3/FFNET) in October ‘18 through Jan ‘19, and the game had been out for three months already when @miss-oscurita published Wish Upon. Yet no one had stepped up to bring us a story covering the concept of video game Arthur alive in 2018/9.  The reason Wish Upon hooked me personally, was because it was completely different to the numerous “damsel in distress”, “highborn babe”, “tough outlaw chick” that were a dime a dozen. There was also several “modern reader goes back in time” stories too, but Wish Upon was the first incarnation of Arthur coming out of the game into the modern world, in an actual fic at least. No doubt the idea could have been circulating, but no one had actually taken the time to put it into an actual story to my knowledge.   Does that mean Oscurita should hold a monopoly on the idea? Of course not, but it does explain why anything that followed Wish Upon’s publication, including TOA’s recent works, will be bound to draw comparisons simply because Wish Upon was first on the scene to cover the topic, and as a result is likely the most well known version of it.  I think the real issue here isn’t who all’s covered Arthur living in modern times, it’s more the issue over the dynamic where the protag is familiar with him as a character, because the dynamic of the pairing and the story itself changes so much when it’s explored from that angle. The dynamic is also affected when the fic focuses only on the two main characters (as with the gang being in the modern world in HOGO’s concepts) especially when they are both aware he’s fictional that it’s really something that can only be done once, maybe twice at a push. And yes you’d have to be certifiable to believe ideas won’t overlap, I mean it’s going to be a really hollow story if you don’t cover things like Arthur using a microwave, or using a toothbrush and showering for the first time, or learning to drive, discovering movies and what not. However, from what I seen over the course of this matter, it seems the issue with it all lies in how and when these elements are explored in the story. I may be wrong, but I don’t think there’s ever been an issue raised with any other parts of your series beyond that of As We Meet, has there?  And the issues raised over the original instalment and the rewritten piece seemed to be because it essentially follows the exact pattern of Wish Upon’s first few chapters, as we’ve already discussed.

[... I’m 99% positive the catalyst was a h-o-g-o oneshot of Arthur discovering lingerie...]

Funny that you should mention discovering lingerie when @miss-oscurita’s most recent update included Arthur discovering modern underwear for the first time. I don’t recall in which of your stories he did that?

Just in the interest of being informed, I searched HOGO’s blog and found a chapter mentioning lingerie (which I assume is the one that inspired you?) but that in itself is a classic example of how the same idea can be done by two different people and still be complete different.

Which I’m sorry to say really only further highlights why the similarities in your opening chapters are such a cause for concern.

Regardless of the inspiration, if we list the similarities we have from the original piece, and the rewrite the issues are pretty clear. 

1) Young female gamer protag.

2) Modern day setting.

3) Both have adopted silver tabby cats.

4) Both have the backdrop of being alone on a stormy night.

5) Both involved with an event that brings Arthur out of the game.

6) Both aware of him as a fictional character before being a flesh and blood man.

4) Both immediately assume him to be an intruder.

5) Both think they are dreaming and pinch themselves.

6) Both use touch as a way to confirm he’s there in the flesh.

7) Both fics use the same name for animals.

8) Both fics almost immediately go on to explore Arthur showering, discovering cellphones, watching TV/movies, using a microwave, in almost the exact same order. 9) Both use some variation of the “my Arthur” device. 

Then in the rewrite you make changes to also include:

10) Both use his horse to confirm he’s ripped straight from the game.

11) Both use extremely similar types of names for the horses. 

12) Both work from home, for one reason or another.   Seeing it written out like that I can more understand why people have red flagged it, as it goes a bit beyond simply exploring the same concept as the likes of HOGO/TAO may be doing.  I mean it was bound to flare things up to include additional similar elements. What I don’t get is, knowing how toxic the fandom is, and that you’re under the microscope over this, why you didn’t take the rewrite as an opportunity to distance yourself from those similarities?  And if I’m brutally frank with you here, it does come across as a bit of “drama farming” when you know the consequences of similarities all too well. And what I still don’t get is how you’ve not managed to move away from these controversies?  I’m a lot of a loser, and have kept an eye on this drama since it began and I have to say when you interjected with the other drama around Wish Upon late last year, that came across to me as looking for drama, or at least being lead to it by someone else somewhere. I don’t know where you got the tip off for that, because the post wasn’t tagged and I only saw it due to following @miss-oscurita/you on my fandom account and the other writer in question was very new to the RDR fandom and likely didn’t have much of a following.  Add that to the poor wording on the announcements of your rewrites and you know, I’m sure it’s innocent on your part, but I can see why it doesn’t look good to others.  I mean I could easily believe you were trying to avoid making the stories similar and accidentally included the horse thing simply because your ideas and the ideas from Wish Upon merged, because unless you’re able to keep them firmly separate in your head it’s going to happen now you know of Wish Upon. If it was me, I’d be doing my best to not give anyone any more reason to throw shit at my house. Instead you’ve somehow managed to do the opposite. The rewrite was a missed opportunity to draw a line under all the past drama, and that’s disappointing to see as a reader and a writer too.  I do hope you manage to sort this all out, and that there’s no further public bashing over it all but now the seal is broken on it all it’ll be very hard to prevent the sharks smelling the tiniest drop of blood in the water. 

[rpgchoices]

I keep seeing your list of games with m/m options pop up, which is seriously awesome! Thank you! I’m definitely going to try some of those titles out right away, since I’ve never heard of them and they seem right up my alley. Do you possibly have a similar list for f/f games anywhere, too? Either way, thanks again for writing that out. Looking forward to some happy gayming, hehe :)

Absolutely!! I actually started with the wlw games for femslash february! Here's in three parts:

PART 1 + PART 2  + PART 3

(In general I use the tag useless recs for any specific lists!)

for a more succinct list of games that have wlw romances (and if you don’t want to be submerged by the gifs and pics in those three parts links), here it is:(I added a * for the games I played, so if you have any specific questions about those ones I can answer).

Also if you want more information, just check the tag what to expect and look for the title game! MEDIEVAL FANTASY RPGS

Dragon Age: Origins* = isometric fantasy rpg, the first in the series. As a female warden you can romance Leliana. If you start as noble human you can also have a fling with a woman in the prologue story.

Dragon Age 2*= second in the series, action fantasy rpg. You can romance Isabela or Merrill. In the dlc you can flirt with Tallis.

Dragon Age: Inquisition* = classic action rpg, fantasy. As a woman you can romance Sera (who is lesbian), or Josephine (biromantic, probably ace!). You can also flirt with Lace Harding.

Pathfinder Kingmaker* = fantasy isometric rpg. As a female character you can end up in the ultimate (but hard to get without a guide) Nyrissa romance, or you can romance other female companions: Kalikke, Kanerah, Octavia. Small warning, it’s easy to romance Kalikke, if you want to romance Kanerah I think you might have to start from a Kalikke romance. You can end up with both Kalikke and Kanerah. If you decide to romance Octavia, you’ll have to break up Octavia and Regongar, otherwise you can have a threeway relationship with both (but Reg is male).

Baldur’s Gate 1.5 Siege of Dragonspear* = isometric DnD fantasy rpg, sequel of BG1. As a female bhaalspawn you can romance Corwin (but the romance does not continue in BG2).

Baldur’s Gate 2* = fantasy DnD isometric rpg, sequel to BG1 and Dragonspear. As a wlw bhaalspawn you can romance Hexxat (mild warning: she is a evil character, so you might want to do an evil/neutral playthrough).

Divinity Original Sin 2* = isometric fantasy rpg (it’s here but is it really medieval? I am not sure). You can play as Lohse or Sebille, or you can start a new character. You can romance any of your companions, the female ones are Lohse and Sebille. (ex. if you play as Sebille you can romance Lohse). No need to play the first game. 

Divinity Original Sin 1* = not exactly romance in sort of medieval fantasy rpg. You play as two characters, they have minimal interactions, and at the end you can get the lovers ending.

Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen = In this fantasy rpg you can play as any gender and you will have interactions with different characters. Some of these npcs can become your beloved at the end.

Knight Bewitched* = small fantasy pixel rpg inspired by Jrpgs. You play as a female knight, Ruth. The story is linear, so Ruth will necessarily end up in a romance with Gwen.

Skyrim’s mod Enderal = this is a whole big mod for Skyrim with its own storylines and characters. In this mod you can romance Calia.

Sorcery!* = not exactly a romance, but if you play as female character or male has no influence on a female seer falling in love with you in game 3. If you play as male and have the Y’Bran god, you can turn into female for a night and have a fling with a pirate lady in game 4.

Arcanum of Steamworks and Magick Obscura* = not a full romance, but you can sort of have a thing with Raven (female elf) independently from your gender.

HISTORICAL (age of sail, renaissance, not exactly medieval) FANTASY RPG

Pillars of Eternity Deadfire* = continuing Pillars of Eternity, fantasy isometric rpg, more renaissance than medieval. As a female character you can romance Maia or Xoti (or you can match make them together!)

Jade Empire* = rpg set in a supernatural fantasy version of imperial Silk Fox is the female option for both female and male protagonists.

Pendula Swing* = adventure rpg, isometric, fantasy in the 1920s. You play as bisexual lady dwarf Bryalinne. Your wife is dead, so you are a widow. You will leave your house to find who stole your magic axe and in the city you can romance two female characters: Marla Lee, elf policewoman, or Joanna West, human adventurer.

Greedfall = in this new age-of-sail(?) turned fantasy rpg you can play as both male and female, and as a female protagonist you can romance Siora.

NON FANTASY RPGS 

Always Sometimes Monsters* = you play as female or male, and you select the gender of your partner. It’s a love story, with time and money management.

Expedition: Vikings* = historical viking isometric rpg. The female option for female playes is Roskva, the witch companion. 

Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey = This game needs no introduction! You can play as Kassandra and romance ladies and women all around Greece. The romances are mostly romantic encounters, not really full Bioware romances.

Mass Effect (trilogy)* = Action rpg in space. As a female Shepard you can romance Liara, Samara or Morinth (Samara and Morinth don’t have full romances) who are all part of a female coded alien species, or the human Kelly, Samantha or Diana. Liara is the only romance that can be started in game 1.

Mass Effect: Andromeda = in this space rpg you can play as Sara and you can romance some of your female companions: Suvi, Vetra, Pelessaria or Keri.

Knights of the Old Republic = a Star Wars rpg that lets the female players romance Juhani.

Fallout 4 = the post apocalyptic rpg. As a female character you can romance Piper and Cait.

Life is Strange = in this adventure videogame you play as Max, a girl who has suddenly found herself with superpowers. Max and Chloe are main characters in the videogame, and they can end up together.

MEDIEVAL/HISTORICAL DATING SIMS

Arcana = money grabber phone game, do not buy anything with real money please. You can romance Portia or Nadia.

When the Night Comes = fantasy detective visual novel story with dating sim. You can play as female and there is one female romance option.

MODERN FANTASY DATING SIMS

Monster Prom* = Your gender has no influence in the game. The game doesn’t really have romance, it’s mostly you attending a modern monsters school and trying to get a date for the prom. Dating sim. Female possible dates are Vera, Miranda, Polly, the shop seller or The Hero.

Salting the Earth* = lesbian dating sim, modern fantasy with orcs and nymphs. You play as Roo, a nymphs, joining a chief/cooking team in a building mostly inhabited by orcs. Two romantic pathways in the game, both lady orcs.

FUTURE GAMES

We know that Pathfinder Wrath of the Righteous will have some wlw romance options (for now Camellia is confirmed as a romance option and she will probably be wlw), The Waylanders has also been confirmed to have same gendered romances, same for the dating sim Errant Kingdom.  Knowing DOS2, there are also changes that BG3 might have some wlw options!

[monsterfucker-lisa-swallows]

lmao imagine an autism sim

you have to make it through the entire playthrough which is pretty much unplayable, without supports without a tutorial, no cheat codes, and it's already on hard mode

all your needs meters are constantly just barely dipping into red

everything pretty much gives you a -1 in mood. loud persistent noise? -1. slightly too cold? -1. -20 because there's a tag in your shirt. there's no option to cut it off.

cats give you +20 in mood

anything that makes your mood meter dip also makes all your other meters dip. bad food texture? suddenly everything in the world is bad

you can't see any of the npcs faces or how they directly feel about you. they give you vague statements that can be interpreted many ways. whatever way you choose to respond to it is wrong. you lose self esteem points for your mistake. other character just exists silently in the same space as you? if you ask what's wrong they'll snap at you for assuming something's wrong. if you don't ask what's wrong they say you have no empathy and don't care about other people's feelings.

you have to repeatedly press a button during interactions to maintain eye contact but WOAH DON'T PRESS IT TOO MUCH THEN YOU'RE MAINTAINING CREEPY EYE CONTACT

you have to constantly try to approximate the correct emotional response in body and expression with no tutorial

schedule only one task at once. lists imply you'll be able to easily switch between tasks

simlish is basically the same except your sim only sometimes understands it and you, the player, only understand it when they do

you can give your sims special interests but engaging them activates HYPERFOCUS MODE. your sim will not be able to start any other tasks in this mode until all their other meters are in the red, but their mood bar is fully green. attempting to cancel hyperfocus mode will result in your mood bar going fully red. it may result in meltdown mode

MELTDOWN MODE occurs when needs are not being met or responded to in a timely fashion. it is unskippable. your screen's brightness goes all the way up. you cannot schedule any actions. the volume on everything is too high but everything is unintelligible. your sim is in pain. this locks your screen for a minimum of 20 minutes

if you play as a female adult sim, you will have to spend most of the game trying to get a doctor's appointment with a mythical Autism Specialist who will then dismiss everything you tell them because obviously you can't be autistic

the point of the game is that it's unplayable but if you stick it out you can unlock the secret playable version of the game. here, unlock the version where you get early intervention. now you can unlock coping skills to help you get out of or avoid meltdown mode. unlock the button to help get out of hyperfocus mode. unlock being able to switch between tasks. unlock positive self worth.

because basically nothing else would have to change to make an autism sim. i already feel like it basically takes me 7 hours to do one task then i'm exhausted for the day.

[aspiestvmusings]

ZEP: SONGS - S2 WISH LIST

This list started as a wish/suggestion list of songs that I thought would fit into the ZEP season 1 end storyline quite well. But these weren’t used. So they become part of my general wish list for future episodes/S2: 

WISH LIST 

"Accidentally in Love" (”Shrek” soundtrack) -  Counting Crows

“Adore You” - Harry Styles

“All of Me” - John Legend [by Max, to Zoey]...the rest of the song 

“Almost is Never Enough” - Ariana Grande & Nathan Sykes

“And So it Goes..” - Billy Joel  

“At the Beginning” - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx  

"At Your Side" - The Corrs 

"Baby Come Back" - Player

“Back at One” - Brian McKnight    

“Back To Life (However Do You Want Me)” - Soul II Soul 

"Bad Romance" - Lady Gaga [by Simon]

"Because You Live" - Jesse McCartney  

“Better Than Love” - Griffin House [duet]

“Better Together” - Jack Johnson [Zoey/Max] 

“Birthday” - The Bird and the Bee [Zoey/Max]  

“Blinding Lights” - The Weeknd

“But I Do Love You” - LeAnn Rimes   

“Can’t Fight the Moonlight” - LeAnn Rimes 

“Collide” - Howie Day

"Complicated” - Carolyn Dawn Johnson [by Zoey]

"Confusion" by  Electric Light Orchestra (ELO)

“Crazy Little Thing Called Love” - Queen   

“Creep” - Radiohead [slowed down version... PS. This is one of my all-time favourite songs. Its hauntingly beautiful. I would love if they found a way to use it on the show]  

"Dance Me to the End of Love" -  Leonard Cohen 

“Dancing in the Moonlight” - King Harvest 

"Dancing on My Own" - Calum Scott version [by Zoey, to Max]

“Diamonds” - Rihanna  

"Don't Look any Further" - M-People 

"Dream of Me" -  Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark 

“Everybody’s Changing” - Keane 

"Everyday" - Toby Lightman [by Zoey]

“Everything” - Michael Bublé 

"Fix You” - Coldplay  

“Flying Without Wings” - Westlife

“Follow Through” - Gavin DeGraw 

“Greatest Love of All” - Whitney Houston 

“Grenade”  - Bruno Mars    

"Happy" - Pharrell Williams

“Happy Together” - The Turtles  [Zoey/Max]

“Head Over Feet” -  Alanis Morissette 

“Honesty” - Billy Joel  

“I Don't Care” - Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber 

"I Don't Know" - Lisa Hannigan 

“I Don't Want to Miss a Thing” - Aerosmith [but a ‘lullaby' to the baby] 

“If I Ain’t Got You” - Alicia Keys [but for Mitch] 

“I’ll Be There for You” (”Friends Theme song) - The Rembrandts   [Zoey/Max]

“I’m Your Man” - Leonard Cohen  

“I Need You” - LeAnn Rimes 

“In These Arms” - Bon Jovi    

"If Today Was Your Last Day" - Nickelback

“It Had to be You” - Frank Sinatra/Harry Connick Jr  

“Just the Way You are” - Billy Joel 

“Lay Your Hands on Me” - Bon Jovi  

“Lean on Me” - Will Withers

“Love of My Life” - Queen [but somehow dedicted for/by Mitch]    

"Love Runs Out" - One Republic

“Lovesong” - The Cure 

“Lucky” - Jason Mraz Ft. Colbie Caillat [duet]

“Make You Feel My Love” - Adele [by Max, to Zoey]

“Mercy” - Duffy  

“My Best Friend” - Weezer  

“My Heart Will Go on” - Celine Dion [but from Mitch to Zoey/Zoey to Mitch] 

"Never Enough" - Loren Allred

“Never Tear Us Apart” - INXS  

"One Kiss" - Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa 

“[Extra] Ordinary People” - John Legend [by Max, to Zoey]

“Perfect Day” - Lou Reed 

"Pinch Me" - The Barenaked Ladies

“Price Tag” - Jessie J. Ft. B.o.B.

"Rose of My Heart" - Johnny Cash

“Say Goodbye“ - Dave Matthews Band

"Say You Won't Let Go" - James Arthur 

“Shake It Out” - Florence + The Machine 

"Some of Us" -  Starsailor

"Someone You Loved" - Lewis Capaldi [by Zoey, to dad. Not romantic]

“Some People” - LeAnn Rimes 

“[Let’s Give Them] Something to Talk about” - Bonnie Raitt  [Zoey/Max]

“Stand by Me” - Ben E. King  

“Starving” - Hailee Steinfeld & Grey Ft. Zedd  #emotionalEarthquake 

“Stay With Me” - Sam Smith

"Story of Your Smile" - Mike Comfort

“Temporary Love” - Ben Platt [by Max, to Zoey] 

"The Book of Love" - Peter Gabriel, but acoustic [for Mitch, somehow]

“(For) The Longest Time” - Billy Joel 

“The Reason" -  Hoobastank

“Thinking Out Loud” -  Ed Sheeran

"Titanium" - David Guetta Ft. Sia

“Treat You Better” - Shawn Mendes [by Max, to Zoey]

“True Colours” - Cyndi Lauper [by Max, to Zoey]

“Truly. Madly. Deeply” - Savage Garden  [by Max, to Zoey]

"Two Princes" - Spin Doctors

“Two Steps Behind” - Def Leppard  [by Max, to Zoey]

"Used to" - Daughtry [Max/Zoey friendship]

“Weak” - SWV  [Zoey, to Max]

“We are All Made of Stars” - Moby [by/for Zoey]

“We Don’t Talk Anymore” - Cliff Richard 

"What about Now" -  Westlife

“What a Girl Wants” - Christina Aguilera [by Zoey, to Max] 

“What a Man Gotta Do” - Jonas Brothers  [by Max, to Zoey] 

“When Can I See You (again) -  Babyface [Zoey...to Mitch/dad...not romantic]   

"When I'm 64" - The Beatles [David/Emily or Max/Zoey]

“When I See You Smile” - Bad English  [Zoey, to Max?]

"When You Say Nothing at All" - Ronan Keating

“You” - Ten Sharp  [Zoey, to Max]

“You Don’t Fool Me” - Queen  

"You Get Me" - Michelle Branch [Zoey/Max]

"You Gotta Be" - Des'Ree

"You Light Up My Life" - Debby Boone [but “lullaby” for the baby] 

“You Make My Dreams (Come True)” - Hall & Oates 

“You Raise Me Up” - Josh Groban [Zoey, to Max OR Zoey for dad/Mitch]

“You’re My Best Friend” - Queen  [Zoey, to Max] 

“Yours” - Jesse McCartney [by Max, to Zoey]... some parts/verses

GRIEF/FOR MITCH: 

“Dear Mr. Fantasy” - Traffic 

 “In the Arms of a Ghost” by Jacob Dylan

“[When I] See You Again” - Whiz Kalifa ft. Charlie Puth [by Zoey, to Mitch]

These aren’t necessarily my personal favourite songs, though some are. And many of my all-time favourite songs are not on this list simply because I cannot figure out how they’d fit into the show/storyline. Cause we know that song lyrics on this show have meaning for the characters. And lyrics are part of the storyline, not separate. 

ET: But I really want them to use (in some way, in some form) something from ABBA, Leonard Cohen, Queen, Hall & Oates, OMD, some power-voice female singer(s)... to name a few things... even if I have no idea how they’d incorporate those artists/songs... Like I want Mo to sing something Jessie J for example. 

Most of the songs are for Z/M and the “love triangle” because this is the one & only storyline we know for sure is happening, hence easy to name “fitting” songs. I find it harder to suggest other songs without knowing the stoylines. !

[valkerymillenia]

@animecat33​ tagged me for this

Rules: Name 10 characters from 10 different fandoms that you like, then tag 10 people.

I enjoyed this but... At first I thought, do I even have 10 I consider favs? And then I ended up with a list of, like, 25, and couldn’t pick 10 so I chose more or less at random. And I admit I cheated seeing as some kind of fit in the same fandom in some way.

It’s just too hard picking favorites. 

Undercut, cause it’s gonna be a loooong post.

1. Morticia Addams (Addams Family)

My tattoo probably makes this one obvious. 

I love Morticia so much, not only do I love her aesthetic, I just love her personality and attitude, not to mention her marriage is ‘goals’ and as a mother and matriarch she’s incredibly supportive and loving despite the unorthodox life the Addams’ live. I love a character that can be a mother without having it define her completely.

2. Catwoman/Selina Kyle (DC)

Selina was one of my OG crushes back before I even understood what I crush was or that being queer was even a thing (looking at you, Michelle Pfiffer).

I love her style and strength and personality (when she's well written), her grey morals and competence, and cats are just my thing, ok? Plus bisexual icon.

Have you noticed I have a thing for a dark women with grey morals?

3. Raven/Rachel Roth (Teen Titans/DC)

I kinda share a name with Raven but that's not why I like her. I've always loved the emotional complexity of this character, her incredible power (and how it's also her weakness), and style as well. I'm not too thrilled about some more recent incarnations of her but she'll always be an OG fav.

4. Nightwing/Dick Grayson (DC)

Yeah, yeah, DC again, look the other way, please (they have individual comics anyway).

I couldn't leave out my darling Dickie. I grew up with this dude and I love his backstory and relationship with his family. He's a beautiful ray of sunshine with a dark streak, a competent leader without being a broody bossy jerk like some and he's very well rounded and consistent in his characterization (plus that design is top notch). I know the Romani thing was a ret-con on something just vaguely implied in the past but honestly it was a good one and some much needed rep despite the constant whitewashing (though not as bad as others in his family).

Also, he drinks his 'respect woman juice', he's flawed without being edgy, and has been queer-coded and female-troped for decades which makes him much more likeable as a male character. He actually became an LGBT icon despite the cowards at DC constantly trying to shove heteronormativity into his storyline.

5. Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond (Steve Universe)

Is she problematic? Yes and that's part of the appeal.

I already loved Rose when she was this sweet, compassionate and wise old soul, this rebel and leader and mother with many secrets.

I guessed really early on that she was PD so that part didn't surprise me but when the backstory of her as PD finally appeared to give us so more in-depth knowledge I was surprised by the amount of hate the character got. To me, her flaws, pain, mistakes and growth were part of the allure.

Also, gorgeous and much needed plus-size rep. I loved cosplaying her more than anything.

6. Princess Leia (Star Wars)

Did I like her style or design? Nope, I much prefer her mother's but Leia is an immensely competent, wise, strong female character that takes no bullshit from the male-dominated plot around her, she deserved so much better. Honestly, she deserved her own goddamn movie.

Carrie Fisher was a feminist icon and an advocate for mental illness visibility. She's was also fucking hilarious. All this translated into Leia's character very well and she deserved so much better from society than being sexualized in a metal bikini and remembered that way forever.

7. Hela (Thor Ragnarok/Marvel)

I already loved Hela's character in the comics (except the arc where she sexually abuses Thor, that was shitty edgelord writing and I refuse to acknowledge it's existence) but Ragnarok gave her a whole new meaning.

Firstly, my God is she hot! Just.... Umpf! Step on me, queen.

Secondly, she's dark and evil but she has a goddamn point (people are hypocrites). And in the comics she's not even evil, she's neutral and only a villain because she opposes Thor on a personal level. She's also incredibly competent at what she does and if that isn't a turn-on idk what is.

8. Korra (Legend of Korra)

Korra will always be bae. There's a reason my behemoth of a fic revolved around her.

Not only is she incredibly well-rounded and fun, she's also very competent, has a fascinating backstory and is immensely powerful, plus she grows beautifully through her show. Not to mention she's GORGEOUS.

POC and LGBT rep, plus she showcased one of the most incredible arcs on disability and recovery that I've ever seen in a family show.

9. Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Marvel)

You can pry Wanda from my cold dead hands.

I'm not even the biggest fan of her movie version, I'm all about comic Wanda.

POC rep and an incredibly visceral portrayal of mental illness and trauma. And she's beautiful beyond reason, morally grey, and powerful as hell.

Most of all what I like about Wanda is how loyal and family-oriented she is without letting it diminish her as an individual or as a powerhouse character, so many female characters loose all agency and individuality when they have kids, they get delegated to role of mother and lose their heroics or become extensions of their husbands and children, Wanda was nothing like that. Her relationship with her brother is fascinating too (let's pretend the incesty vibes in certain alt universes don't exist).

I only hate that she and Pietro always get the short stick in adaptations and their origins keep getting needlessly retconned (Magneto's kids with his Romani wife, raised by someone else- that's it, stop trying to change it and then change it back over and over). That and how she's not allowed to have her well deserved relationship with her babies because of stupid old-fashioned comic rules that led to a needlessly convuloted and far-fetch story arc (the erasure, reencarnation and hyper-aging of her sons).

10. Jessica Rabbit (WFRR)

For most people, Jessica's appeal is "she's hot" and yes, this "pinup femme fatale" look really does things to me, I won't lie about that, but that's not why she's my favorite.

Jessica is fav because she's loyal and loving to her goofy husband, she completely turns the femme fatale trope upside down for love and doesn't give a damn about looks, she uses her appearance as a weapon and she's confident but she's clearly not vain ("I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" and "He makes me laugh"). She's also hilarious in her own deadpan way.

.

Other worthy mentions to this list are:

Wednesday Addams

Mystique (Marvel)

Shuri (Marvel)

Maleficent (Disney)

Vanya Hargreeves (TUA)

Blind Mag (Repo!)

Venom (Marvel)

Lust (FMA)

Evelyn O'Connell (The Mummy)

Alice Lidell (Alice Madness)

Jessica Jones (Marvel)

The Kagamine twins (vocaloid)

Amon (LoK)

Sesshoumaru (Inuyasha)

Loki (Marvel comics)

Liadan (Sevenwaters)

Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road)

Crowley (Good Omens)

Jericho (Titans/DC)

Sadako Yamamura (from the Ring BOOKS)

Susan Sto-Helit (Discworld)

.

I tag... @dymosara @abnaxus @polyx @bluetalesoftheheart @adka2333 @shinladyanarki @i-have-all-these-freaking-uwus @frank-a-lank @fluffynexu @teddy-fluffnhugs

[wicked-game-black-butler]

Seven Comfort Films

I was tagged by the wonderful @peonacotton, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite films. Thanks for the tag, dear! 💙

1. A Little Princess

This movie stole my heart when I first saw it as a child and I still love it 25+ years later. Sarah's imagination, courage, and compassion just warms my heart. And in the scene where her father cries her name reduces me to tears every.single.time.

2. Jane Eyre (2006 Masterpiece Theatre adaptation)

As the book has made it on to several of my favorites lists, I'm sure it's no surprise it appears here. 😁 Even though my preferred version is technically a mini series, I'll bend the rules for it to appear here as this is the one adaptation I find I like.

3. The Silence of the Lambs

So it's time to sprinkle in some horror. Serial killers have fascinated me for quite some time and this is still one of my all time favorite go-to's when I've got a craving only a serial cannibal can satisfy. There are also just times when I just want to watch something bloody (I know that probably sounds so weird, lol 😅) and this is one of the ones I reach for when that mood strikes me, along with movies like Gladiator as well.

4. Inception

Oh, I could go on about this movie for ages. From the cinematography to the score to the storyline, this continues to entertain me, even though I've seen it sooo many times. Also, I have to say that this is probably hands down in my top three movies that have an interpretive/inconclusive ending. Nolan makes me question the ending scene without making me question why I had just watched the whole movie (which is an unfortunate Achilles heel for these types of endings, unfortunately).

5. Dead Poets Society

"Oh Captain, my Captain!" This movie is another tear jerker for me. This was the movie that solidified my desire to become a writer. Just the way the power of the written word is explored is incredible and the descriptions are so evocative and compelling, I don't know how you can't watch this movie and not come away wanting to be a writer or a teacher.

6. The Two Towers

This second installment is my favorite of the trilogy. The point at which the quest is at its darkest, yet the characters shine the brightest. Plus the people of Rohan have been a personal favorite of mine for a long time and I love to see them highlighted (plus your girl likes her some Eomer, too 😉). Oh, and super epic battle scenes. And Gimili and Legolas banter. And the Ents. And Eowyn...basically I love the whole movie. 😂

7. Beauty and the Beast

Another childhood movie that had a big impact on me growing up and one I still enjoy. A strong female lead who loves to read and teaches a beast (given the situation is kind of dubious consent buuuut for the sake of the story, let's put that aside, lol) how to be a true gentleman and to be loving and selfless. And the Beast gives her a library...he set the bar super high for anyone I was interested in, lol.

8. My Neighbor Totoro

I know it was only supposed to be seven, but I had to slip this in as an honorable mention. My love of anime started young (6 to be exact) when I found this gem on VHS at our library. I instantly fell in love with the story and art style and I was fascinated by how different it was from any other movie I had ever seen before. And that was the movie that led me to being the awkward, nerdy, anime/manga fan I am today, lol. 😁

Thank you again for tagging me. I enjoyed putting this together. 😊 Anyone else who would like to do this is more than welcome to participate!

[overthinkingkdrama]

Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure. 

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line:  Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion.  And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

[thecaroliner]

Crol’s Top 10 Cardcaptor Sakura Episodes

Hey all! Decided to make a list of my top 10 CCS episodes. This will include episodes from the original series and Clear Card!

In all honesty I have a really hard time with Top 10 anything, but this was actually pretty easy! 

All images taken from suppi.net

10. Sakura and the Sakura from the Dream (Episode 40)

“It’s all right! Everything will definitely be all right!”

This episode feels very off, and I love it. While it’s not necessarily “creepy” in a traditional sense, watching it you just sort of feel off when the group is inside Tokyo Tower. Nobody is around, its eerily quiet. You very much feel Sakura’s disoriented state here, and it truly does feel like you’re experiencing the dream WITH her. 

Sakura becomes more and more distressed when she looks out the window and finally sees her mysterious dream fully: with Miss Mizuki being revealed as the shadow figure on the tower. Just as things seem like they’ve reached a breaking point for our dear heroine, the version of herself from the dream comes over, holding her hands, and saying the invincible spell to her. You definitely will be all right, Sakura!

9. Sakura’s Dizzy Fever Day (Episode 39)

“A gentle hand...this hand...it’s mother’s hand.”

Le’ts be honest: I’m a sucker for pretty much any episode that Nadeshiko comes down from heaven in, lol. And The Mirror. This one features both! Our poor Sakura comes down with a fever, but keeps it a secret as to not worry her dad or friends. 

Unsurprisingly, everyone around Sakura is extremely observant of her and can tell right away. And then of course, today is the day that The Cloud decides to make its debut. Sakura of course, doesn’t take the day off Card Captor-ing because of her fever, and uses The Mirror to take her place in bed while she runs off to seal it. While this only makes her fever worse, mama Nadeshiko comes down from heaven to heal her. Still being a typical worried mom, even in the afterlife. This episode may not be much to others, but to me it’s very sweet and heartwarming!

8. Sakura and Tomoyo’s Lost Voice (Episode 37)

“This is the second time something like this has happened! It’s always Tomoyo...”

We get to see constantly just how deep Tomoyo’s love for Sakura goes, so I always appreciate it when they show that Sakura loves her dearly, too (although in a very different way than Tomoyo does...). In this episode, Tomoyo is preparing for a choir competition, where she sings a solo. So naturally, a Clow Card is here to steal her voice! I guess it’s just that nice of a voice. Sakura’s look of sheer panic, and the way she drops her pom-poms and runs to the choir room upon overhearing the teacher ask Tomoyo what’s wrong in a panic always gets me. But I think the thing that breaks my heart the most about this episode is how Tomoyo’s mother reacts. 

Until now, anytime we see Sonomi, Sakura is around, and Sonomi obsesses over her, almost to the point of ignoring Tomoyo. But now we finally get to see mother and daughter together, just the two of them. Sonomi is immensely worried about her, and holds Tomoyo in her lap, telling her that she will skip work the next day to take care of her. A look of contentment crosses Tomoyo’s features, as if she is thankful that her mother cares so much about her.

Thankfully, everything turns out okay as Syaoran has the idea to use The Song to mimic Tomoyo’s voice, luring out The Voice card so that Sakura can seal it! At the end of the episode, Sakura and friends go to Tomoyo’s choir recital, and Tomoyo tells Sakura that she wants to perform the song specifically for her, and sings “To My Friend.” I have this song on my phone, I love it so much!

7. Sakura and the Sports Day of Flowers (Episode 10)

“Your mother really loved my mother, Tomoyo.” 

“Yes! I love you too, Sakura.”

“Me too!”

Another Tomoyo and Sakura centric episode, hah. I remember this episode always stood out to me for some reason, even when I first watched the series nearly 9 years ago. 

It’s sports day at Tomoeda Elementary, so of course our highly athletic heroine is excited! (Side note: I love that they made Sakura athletic! It’s not too often you see female characters that are extremely feminine and gentle and also athletic. It’s a nice change). Sakura is having fun: running marathons, doing obstacle courses, trying to compete with Syaoran to win Yukito’s affections....typical! During lunch break, Sakura is introduced to Tomoyo’s mother: Sonomi Daidouji. Sonomi tells Sakura she looks very familiar, and asks Sakura what her surname is. Just as Sakura is about to tell her, Fujitaka shows up, enraging Sonomi. Turns out that Sonomi was in love with Sakura’s mom (who was also her cousin...probably distant cousin, though), Nadeshiko, and always hated Fujitaka that he “took her away” and that she lived out the rest of her days with him.

Something about Nadeshiko’s dynamic with her family, particularly her grandpa and Sonomi (the two she was closest to), is that it seems as though they completely cut her off when she went off to get married at 16 to her teacher (I mean, to be fair, I’d be upset too, hah). As much as they loved her, they didn’t speak to her for the next 11 years, and each carried an immense amount of grief and regret when she passed and they hadn’t been on good terms with her. They were so disconnected that they didn’t even seem to be aware that Nadeshiko had given birth to two children. I can’t imagine how lonely and hurt Nadeshiko must’ve been :(

Anyways, the sports festival is interrupted...by flowers. Thousands and thousands of flowers, raining down. Not to worry, it’s just the work of our friendly neighborhood Clow Card: The Flower! She just enjoys big events like this and wanted to make everyone happy with some flowers! Her power proved to be useful at the end, gifting Fujitaka and Sonomi with Nadeshiko blossoms.

6. Sakura and One More Sakura (Episode 25)

“What will I do if something happened to my brother...?

The Mirror is here! My favorite Clow Card!

People have been spotting Sakura causing trouble around town: messing up shop displays, messing up some children’s sand castles...Sakura is horrified by the accusations, and becomes worried after hearing that people who see their doppelgangers will die. Meanwhile, as Touya is walking home from school, he sees....Sakura? He decides to follow her into the woods as she tells him she’s lost something important in there. She ends up luring him further and further into the woods, where he slips down a hill and hurts his leg. 

Back at home, Kero shows Sakura how to use fortune telling to see if it’s a Clow Card mimicking her image. The Clow Card fortune shows the cards: Illusion, Watery, and Shadow. It then shows The Flower, and Sakura sees peach blossoms (which Touya’s name means), and realizes that it is a card that is targeting him.

After finding them with the help of Syaoran, Sakura becomes enraged that this card has hurt her brother. She learns that to seal it, she must first guess it’s name, and realizes that Illusion, Watery, and Shadow were clues as to what this card is: Mirror.

Truthfully, I’m not sure what Mirror’s intention was by luring Touya off a cliff, as she seems to instantly feel guilty (and then later has a crush on him, hah). But I still love her!

5: Sakura and a Game of Tag in the Garden (Episode 77/Clear Card 7)

“I must be more....more...gentle!”

FLIGHT!!! My favorite Clear Card! It’s so cute :) (Fun fact: I made this dress last year! It was my first attempt making an entire outfit so it sucked, but I learned a lot and it was fun!)

Sakura wants to figure out the purpose of her most recent Clear Card, Record, so who better to ask than our friendly neighborhood Tomoyo Daidouji? Sakura and Kero go over to her house and have some fun using Record (another favorite Clear Card of mine). Syaoran also stops by, and thinks Sakura looks adorable in her new dress, hehe. Sakura suddenly begins to feel a presence, and the fluttering of something, and chases this thing all throughout the garden. Turns out it’s nothing but little ole Flight, just feeling nervous because Sakura is chasing it! She realizes then she must be more gentle and friendly with this card, as it seems a bit skittish. Overall a fun episode!

4. Sakura, Syaoran, and the Elevator (Episode 57)

“...SAKURA!”

Oh boy. OH BOY. This episode!! I’m pretty sure this episode would be on any CCS fan’s top 10 episodes list.

Sakura, Tomoyo, Syaoran, and Eriol decide to visit a teddy bear exhibit. And our dear Syaoran...he FINALLY decides (through a fun little musical montage of Sakura running around having fun) that he is going to fully accept his feelings for her, and stop trying to deny them. There’s such a change in him from here on out! 

Their fun day takes a turn however, when Sakura and Syaoran enter an elevator that mysteriously loses power (thanks to a certain reincarnation of Clow Reed...). Sakura grows worried, hoping that help will come soon, and Syaoran tries to comfort her. Just then, things really go haywire and half of the elevator suddenly disappears. In the chaos, Sakura stumbles backwards into the abyss, and despite his efforts to save her, Syaoran fails to grab her hand in time (hmm, I seem to recall an alternate dimension version Syaoran that failed to grab Sakura’s hand in time...) Syaoran is completely devastated, and cries out her name, for the first time ever! I believe that up until that point, he had never even addressed her as “Kinomoto” before, so for him to go straight to just “Sakura” was a big deal!

Sakura of course, is okay, having changed The Float to carry her back up to safety. Syaoran is so relieved that he pulls her into a hug :D

Later on, Sakura calls him on the phone to thank him, and asks if she can start calling him “Syaoran-kun” now! Babies.

3. Sakura and the Clear Cards (Episode 71/Clear Card 1)

“Force without master, heed the call of my Staff of Dreams and become my power! SECURE!”

I. LOVE. this episode. I’ve probably seen it 10 times now. It’s the very first episode of Clear Card, and also the first episode of CCS in 18 years! It’s such a perfect intro to the new arc, jumping right into Tomoeda once more! I also wanna say how amazing it is that the voice actors all sound EXACTLY the same after so long!

Sakura starts middle school, Syaoran returns, and OOP! The Sakura Cards go blank! And then a new key/staff appears! And then a new card appears!!

2. Sakura, The Shrine, and The Zoo (Episode 84/Clear Card 14)

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

I remember the night this episode premiered! The whole fandom went nuts. It was great!

Wahh...you guys remember back when Syaoran was a cocky, entitled brat? Who called Sakura dumb and tried to be her rival? And now he’s pretty much the #1 boyfriend ever???

This episode is...weird. Really weird. Up until now the whole series has remained pretty light-hearted...and then this. Sakura accidentally gets sucked into an illusion world where all her friends have become animals. Everything has such a strange, almost side vibe. Even though they are still partially humanoid, none of her friends speak, or even seem to be aware of her presence. And suddenly a giant fiery tree emerges from the ground threatening to kill them all?? And then comes Syaoran, totally not using the Sakura Card “Time”, helping Sakura to calm down and reassure her that everything is okay....T_T 

And now, before we get to the #1...it’s time for some honorable mentions!!

- Sakura’s Tiring Sunday (Episode 4)

- Sakura’s Scary Test of Courage (Episode 17)

- Sakura and the Room with No Exit (Episode 72/Clear Card 2)

- Sakura, Rainbows, and Grandpa (Episode 90/Clear Card 20)

And now my #1 pick!!

1. Sakura’s Thrilling Aquarium Visit

“Besides, you...and I...we’re...datin—!”

You guys probably saw this one coming XD But I just love it too much!!

Sakura and Syaoran’s first real date! In the manga they actually went to a botanical garden. But I really like that they made the episode at the aquarium, as it’s a callback to episode 3 from the original series of when Sakura went on a “date” with Yuki to the aquarium! So many great references to that episode, from the tank breaking, Toya being the waiter (lol), the way that Sakura, Tomoyo, Kero, (and now Syaoran) snuck in at night. Syaoran’s interaction with Toya is so funny/awkward, and then he apologizes to Sakura for being rude, saying that he should be more friendly towards Toya since he and Sakura are dating now. Lots of good stuff! And then how Syaoran carries Sakura out of the water after she gets sucked in...:D

Anyways, thanks for reading this (if you did read it all lol) I want to do more posts like this for other series!!