#and realizing: i really don't know
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wowwww you post 3 back to back fics for fandoms people aren't interested in and they all (2 of them) unsubscribe from your ao3 🙄 I'M STILL A PHANNIE I JUST SAW A STAR WARS MOVIE
#writing updates#lou is loud#slash lighthearted#do what u want#i am still writing phic though i've just temporarily been hijacked for star war purposes#i have like one more but it'll be the hardest bc lowkey. i'm sorry. i'm sorry but i don't really like padme#sitting down to explore the question of why she was so shocked that anakin killed children the second time#and realizing: i really don't know#girl you really should have seen that coming#another victim of poor writing :(
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I'm keeping an eye out for heat stroke in my area and I can't figure out what a full body flush would look like on dark skin since all the pictures are just fake training pictures. Anyone have video/pics of a heat stroke flush on black skin?
#if yall could pass this around that would be great#nyah#I don't know what to tag this#medical discrimination#blacklivesmatter#black tumblr#i realize in retrospect that when my sister was really young she was in ACTIVE heatstroke and my mom did nothing cause she didn't know
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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I feel like the reason a lot of people with ADHD are Obnoxious About It is because a lot of them spent a long time being blamed for things without knowing the cause. We spent years, possibly decades, being punished for forgetting things. Being told that we must not care enough because we missed an appointment. Getting called vapid, stupid, flighty, ditzy, what-have-you because we're constantly losing our phones or burning dinner. But now we have an explanation. We know what's causing it, we know how to combat it. We finally know what the deal is so we can build systems to help.
So yeah, I know it's annoying when that one friend starts every other sentence with "As someone with ADHD—" or "Because of the ADHD—". But try to give us some grace, we're making up for all the times we didn't have a name for it and just thought we were broken.
#my words#ADHD#I know I'm sorry I'm annoying#but I really think people who don't have ADHD don't realize how many things it impacts
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A little zine about how I (still) have trouble saying the word aromantic.
I've never made a zine before! I was inspired to try it because @queerliblib mentioned a zine making night in an email. That hasn't happened yet - its on June 26th - but once I had the idea, I couldn't wait, lol. It was nice to put something down on paper and have the finished product to hold onto.
Image descriptions under the cut:
Page 1: Three tiny speech bubbles say: "Do you have a bf? Do you like anyone? What's your type?" A big speech bubble says, "Oh, I don't date." The big speech bubble comes from a heart colored like the aromantic flag.
Page 2 says: I could say: "Actually, I'm... ...aromantic." ...aro." ...aromantic asexual." ...aroace."
Page 3 says: But there are a few problems:
aromantic: Has been misheard as "A Romantic".
aro: Opaque if you don't already know the term.
aromantic asexual: A mouthful! And sounds...scientific?
aroace: shares The Big Problem: it may require a vocabulary lesson!
Page 4 says: It doesn't actually come up too often! Which is fine. My coworkers, my neighbors, and strangers don't need to know I'm aroace. I just wish I could say it sincerely when I do want someone to know.
Page 5 says: I always have to smile - laugh - hedge. "Oh, well, actually, I'm kind of like, aromantic? Basically just not interested."
It's been more than 8 years since the first time I said it out loud! I'm certain of it, but I still can't say it like I mean it!
Page 6 says: The most memorable time I said "I don't date" the guy I was talking to asked "Oh are you asexual?" and I said "Yeah, actually. And aromantic." And we moved on.
That was nice.
Page 7 says:
The times I've lead with "I'm aromantic" -- well, there's only one I really remember:
"I didn't use to think that was a real thing."
Other than that time -- even if I use the word, I always explain what it means first!
Page 8 says: I just hope that one day I'll feel like I can say, simply, confidently: "I'm aromantic" and "I'm aroace."
The words "I'm aromantic" are big and dark green, the color of the top stripe of the aromantic flag. The words "I'm aroace" are big and bright orange, the color of the top stripe of the aroace flag. Three hearts below the words are colored to look like the aromantic, aroace, and asexual flags.
#aromantic#aroace#aromantic asexual#zine#my writing#i realized today I don't own any pencils. there is some white out on page 7 idk if you can see it in the scan though#i did two and a half drafts. its hard to figure out what to say in just 8 pages!#and when I got the markers out today I did not want to do it again#so some of the spacing could be better but anyway I'm happy to have made something :)#i really could write whole paragraphs explaining what I'm trying to say here. I don't really want to though#i just realized i didn't use the word 'casual' at all. huh#page 7 was initially a lot longer but the other details aren't relevant. I hope the idea gets across clearly.#anyway yeah one of the ideas i had was to get into why i act and feel this way. but that needs more than 8 pages#some of it is justified. some of it is just me#anyway curious to know if anyone else feels the same#huh i guess i didn't really describe how i feel either - just what I do#there's actually. so much here. i should write a post or a journal entry or something instead of making these tags longer#might be able to do a better zine about it if i really knew what 'it' was lol because its a lot of emotions and a lot of factors#ngl its a little hard to say out loud in the privacy of my own room. that's weird right??#happy pride month everybody
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Peepaw Starlo struggles. Autism 2 autism communication struggles.
#undertale yellow#uty#uty au#lucky clover au#frisk ut#starlo uty#ceroba uty#martlet uty#dalv uty#feisty four uty#the cowboy hat draws#FALLS OVER. THIS TOOK OVER A MONTH.#Mostly because of being busy IRL but also because I decided on a new rendering method#Aaaand it was ten times as time consuming and I don't like the end result at all. LMAO. You live and learn I suppose#I hope this is comprehensible um. I think a lot about Starlo being so used to understanding Clover easily and being one of their favorites#And going to Frisk and 1. not really understanding how they communicate and 2. feeling like he isn't their favorite LOL#Idk how well that reads but! Peepaw Starlo musings#Starlo tries his best and doesn't always get it right but he's in a better place now#I know Clover's absence feels very strange here but I just couldn't find a place to put them oops.#Drawing this made me realize I really gotta practice my backgrounds. Hough. Definitely in the new year!#Also I haven't played poker in years so anything that's wrong? Uh monster poker is different. Yup. Thumbs up emoji
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I was poking fun at how unexpectedly silly the CHB kids looked in armour in the first two episodes of the PJO show (acting like an almighty army and all) and then it hit me. This is exactly how some of them will look like when they will be dying in the final battle. Silly. Tiny. Literal children
#i'm sorry i always knew that they were children but#when i read books the characters' ages. idk. don't really register completely#maybe it's because i know their internal pov and don't hear their voices or see them#but these are. 12 y/os#fighting things#and only now that i see an actual live action rendition of pjo do i realize the weight of it all#they're so young oh my god#percy jackson#pjo#pjo tv show#lonely thoughts
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Something about hands....
Pssttt if you haven't seen it already, check out the new forgettable-au amv These are some of the still frames from that animation hehe
#hands hands hands#I just realized I forgot some of Wingdings' smaller bones on his hands oops#I JUST WANNA SAY#I actually DO enjoy drawing skeleton hands IT'S VERY COOL ...BUT!!!!! DRAWING THE SKELETON HAND + THE HOLE IN HIS HANDS IS SO HARD#BECAUSE....THEIR HANDS JUST CAN'T DO THAT!!! Or the bones would be floating!!!#So I have to be creative and make Papyrus have his fingers really closed together so that it looks good but It's technically wrong....#Or idk maybe the bones ARE floating for some reason#Magic!#Gaster's hand aren't actually skeleton hand as you can see#there's some similaritie but those are NOT skeleton hands#I thought it would be fitting#I mean#can you really consider him a monster at that point?? being scattered around time and space and all that....#+There's another reason but I won't discuss that right now...#ALSO... THE HEADCANON OF GASTER HAVING STAR SHAPED HOLES IN HIS HANDS??? GENIOUS!!! I LOVE WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THAT FIRST I DON'T REMEMBER#handsssssss....the man who speaks in handss........#“I know it like the back of my hand...which since I'm always wearing gloves... I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT!!”#okay yeah#TAGS#forgettable-au#papyrus#gaster#wingdings#undertale#undertale au
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The other thing about Sam being such a teenager - a headcanon that is nonetheless supported by many canon elements - is that her being a baby activist is... not necessarily a good thing.
It's very promising in the long run! It shows that she cares about other people, she cares about ethics, and she is trying very hard to think about her impact on the world, and those are all good things.
But she's also extremely bossy, extremely self-righteous, and when you're a fourteen year old with two best friends that just... aren't very good at asserting themselves, it makes it really, really easy to hurt people by accident. I think, given what we see about Sam and how she interacts with them, it would be easy for her to dismiss them as Boys™️ and therefore The Oppressor Class.
Because Sam... kind of reads like a terminally online Tumblr kid. And that wasn't an archetype that existed in the 2000's, obviously, but Sam fits it to a T. She seems like someone that would know all the terminology, who would know who all the 'oppressor' classes and all the 'victims' were, who would be really into identity politics in the way where she weaponizes them, because she's fourteen and nuance is still hard for her.
She seems, in other words, like someone who would chew Danny out for using the word 'dysphoria' if he wasn't trans (but was maybe trying to find a word for why his body post-portal felt so bad sometimes.) Like she would demand room to express her emotions without remembering to give Tucker and Danny room for theirs, because they're Boys (even though Tucker is black and Danny is abused and getting space for their emotions is just as hard for them.) Like she would have a list of Social Justice Facts that she applies uncritically, and won't realize what she's doing for years.
And to be honest, I think this would be a really fun character arc for Sam! The sort of thing I would have loved to see in canon. Where she realizes, suddenly, how much she talks over people, how much she talks over her friends, and that maybe sometimes she's... not right, even though she knows All The Right Words.
(But until she realizes that, I also think that Sam could do a lot of damage to Danny and his guilt complex in particular.)
#i don't DISLIKE sam in any way#i realize my last couple posts might give that impression lmao#but she does need. like. a lot of character development#especially before i would even consider shipping amethyst ocean#i know a lot of people don't see him this way but danny has SUCH a difficult time asserting himself and his needs#and that makes sam SUCH a bad match for him#at least in canon#sam manson#danny phantom#this also isn't an 'activists are bad' thing btw#but there's a HUGE difference between activists who Advocate For People#and activists that Criticize#and sam is an activist that criticizes#(she's also really much more about animal rights and environmentalism than any kind of human rights advocacy)#(but that's a WHOLE different issue)
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spent the last couple nights watching the handplates (<- @zarla-s if you’ve never read it) comic dub with a friend of mine :-]
gaster ^
#EDIT: I JUST REALIZED I FUCKED UP WHICH EYE . IN THE THIRD PICTURE I AM FUCKING SO STUPID AUGHHH#that specific picture is an au where his left eye was fucked up instead ok? no one point out my mistake#i am clearly struggling enough here as-is#or we can say they accidentally triggered that fucked-up magic loop like as babies somehow before they were really aware of it.#and gaster somehow let this happen. i don't KNOW i'm embarrassed. i drew these at 5 am so everyone gotta be nice to me#undertale#sans#papyrus#gaster#handplates au#sketches#it is CRAAZYYY to me that the comic is like officially over. last time i watched Handplates Comic Dub was like.... 2018#and the comic officially ended in 2023 right? and it's now 2024 going on 2025#that is INSAAANNNEEE#every time gaster opened his damn mouth me and my friend were both like IS HE STUPID? for like. the entire duration of the dub#objectively untrue but also like. i mean. a little#i couldn’t really do the I AM 13 YEARS OLD comic because… he is like. two-ish maybe. and also an adult kind of#so i did what i could. LMAO
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a little addition to bakery enemies au part 184 from @buggachat I put the dialog to let y'all know where I imagined it'd go!
If you haven't already, go check her comic now!
ID: [Adrien blushing a bit is leaning over giving Marinette a kiss on the cheek making her blush profusely while she looks shocked. Adrien has a speech bubble over him saying "you're amazing".] End of ID
#miraculous ladybug#beau#bakery enemies au#buggachat#i haven't drawn in forever#this little doddle took me longer than i'd like to admit#no i did not draw adrien's hair like 500 times what are you talking about#adrien's face looks weird i know don't come at me#i suck at drawing profiles lmao#hopefully mari looks cute tho?#noooo#i just realized i forgor mari's other hair strand!!#T.T#oh well#im outta time anyways#fixed it!#added the hair strand lmao#i should really go to sleep now#my art
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Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.
#disability#disability advocacy#and there's a difference not many people seem to recognize between faking and realizing you don't have [x] problem...#...such as realizing you don't have [x] disorder because it is instead [y] disorder...#...or you haven't completely understood your care needs/your symptoms/what helps you...#...and some people see ANY change in your understanding of your disability as proof of maliciously faking...#...when i suppose in my personal experience people don't *maliciously* fake disability...#...i'm not saying it could never happen but that i don't think it's the *only* thing motivating people called fakers#i just think (like most everything) this is complex and nuanced because it's a *human* experience#like for me personally i /know/ i still have a lot to learn about my disabilities...#...like... i realized recently that my hands shouldn't be in AGONY when warm water is ran over them when it's SLIGHTLY cold inside or out...#...and i realized that i likely have a Noticable limb difference that needs checking out. does this sound like i'm faking...#...or that maybe i just didn't really explore my own needs and body because of a variety of factors?#i can assure you it is because i haven't really thought before about how i deserved to understand how to best help myself
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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Audio from Markiplier's Slay the Princess play through. (Content warning for the playthrough's gore and blood though!)
The sketch of what I originally wanted to submit for Glow Week's day 6, but I remembered a bit late that I already did the proposal schtick last time. Lol
So I scrapped it to make a different submission. Still, couldn't make it to the actual week. 😅 I think I'll have super late submissions on June.
#It's on the 19:38 time mark to be specific#Soups swamped with work#connverse#video#my shiz#steven universe fanart#Connie Maheswaran#Steven Quartz Universe#Steven Universe#SU fanart#I don't know if it's just on my part.. but Steven's eye rolled a little too fast than it was suppose to.#<- Never mind I realized I drew one frame differently there than in my draft lol#Eugh. Okay. I'm super sure by now that my drawing tab is color blind. I'm 100% sure the background has much more pink than this. 😑#You kno what. I could get back to this and clean it up coz might as well? The lip syncing in the drafts version was better and that bugs me#I really couldn't predict myself though.
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I'm gonna be so fr I actually did feel a little bad for the dollmaker what do you mean it looks like a caterpillar what do you mean it was trying to leave this world???
#Anyways goofy meme be upon ye#dndads#the peachyville horror#dndads spoilers#dungeons and daddies#francis farnsworth#I know it's mostly just been memes and shitposts from me for the past while... Thank you for sticking around anyways heh#Some of you might not even realize that hasn't always been the case... You don't know about the vast essays...#I have to admit lately I've been *itching* to write some long-form genuine dndads meta like I used to do but it wouldn't be for this season#I do have S3 stuff I have meta thoughts about but most of it is pantheon-related and extremely scattered/disorganized so ehh#maybe at some point idk#stupidly I did get a real kick out of Will adding CosMc to the pantheon of The Powers That Be- I love stupid gods#also that one person's theory on Francis somehow being the Doodler still has a hold on my soul I fear...#Man I really really hope we get direct Doodler lore this season maybe that's asking a lot but I would lose my mind lmao#anyways anyways anyways
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