#and so happy to see the full detailed correction and explanation

[bwat5-blog]

I Bet She Hates Puppies Too: Inside Vi's Favorite Hobby Of Kid Punching

**SPOILERS FOR ALL OF ARCANE**

"Vi's only happy when she's hitting little girls"

"Vi doesn't care about Isha"

"Vi just blew past isha's death to try and sign Jinx up to be an Enforcer"

You can tell the truth.. If you are one of the people who has said something like this you did it to make the crazy Tumblr blogger angry didn't you? That really is the only logical explanation.

My friends as we all continue to discuss, and debate, and delve into this amazing show things are slowing down naturally. Even I am not writing as often (at least terms of full length deep-dives and such) having mostly explored what I can think of for the moment. But these sorts of opinions continue to persist, and I just... I have discussed this topic in one way or another across so many different documents I am running out of nice ways to say it.

To the people out there insisting Violet is some sort of dangerous psychotic who gets off on punching children. You. Are. Wrong. It's really quite that simple. This is not a top for debate, or nuance. It is a question of correct versus incorrect. And you have fallen on the wrong side. To quote another brilliant misanthrope like the one above, we must be careful not to "twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts" (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes).

Now, I could do a deep, highly detailed, in-depth exploration of each moment of her life to combat these points. But I have already have. So instead, We are going to focus on three moments. When she hit Powder, when she hit Isha, and her conversation after Isha's death. So! Let us once again step off the dock and sink into the murky depths of ignorance, for when we surface, we will have once more defended the truth of this story and it's characters from those whose time would be much better spent in quiet study, in hopes that they too may one day learn to tie their own shoes.

When She Hit Powder:

Vi: Fifteen Years Old

Powder: Eleven Years Old

Okay. If you are here you know this story as well as I do by know. But just a quick refresher. This heartbreaking scene plays out after the rescue of Vander has gone terribly wrong, due to Powder's well intentioned but poorly thought out Monkey Bomb. A distraught and angry Vi, upon realizing that Powder is saying she is the one who caused the explosion, strikes Powder, calls her a jinx roughly grabbing her face, and leaves her sobbing, after growing horrified at her actions. Vi tries to return upon seeing Silco standing over her sister but is kidnapped by Marcus, the Sheriff of Piltover, and wrongfully imprisoned, leaving her little sister all alone.

*NOW ENJOY A QUICK AND NOT AT ALL HORRIFYING REMINDER OF WHAT THIS FIFTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD EXPERIENCED LEADING UP TO THIS*

Witnessed death of birth parents

Six years growing up in Undercity, dangerous and unpredictable environment protecting the other kids when not with Vander.

Tries to turn herself in to Enforcers, only for Vander to take her place.

Sees Grayson and Benzo killed.

Survives fight against 10+ armed Silco associates.

Beaten and thrown by Shimmer-mutated Deckard

Pinned under massive metal door.

Witnesses violent death of Mylo.

Witnesses violent death of Claggor.

Witnesses violent death of Vander.

Now, considering all of that, add in the fact that they were about to get Vander out, and that Vi had instructed Powder to stay behind and was completely correct in doing so. What we have here is a terrified, traumatized, enraged and grieving CHILD.

I am not justifying or encouraging that she hit Powder. She was wrong to do so. But she was completely and totally overwhelmed. And if you actually watch the show... yes you have to watch, I'm sorry I know I'm asking a lot.. you can see that she is clearly aware of that.

SEEING HER SISTERS BLOOD, REALIZING WHAT SHE DID

AND HERE! WE HAVE A LITERAL FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL BEING KIDNAPPED BY THE MOST POWERFUL LAW ENFORCEMENT FIGURE IN THE TWIN CITIES AS SHE TRIES TO GET BACK TO POWDER.

Yep. I see it now. I see the error of my ways. She is truly a remorseless beast. I doff my cap to you Vi haters, you win...

When She Hit Isha:

So, this is obviously much later in the show during act 2 of season 2. Vi is twenty-three. She, Jinx and Isha are traipsing through the mines in search of Vander. After trading some verbal jabs, the sisters "fight" and I do use that term loosely. Isha, adorable little gremlin that she is, jumps in to save Jinx and bites Vi resorting in her catching a whack that sends her flying. My my, the amount of insanely dramatic fanfiction moments this spawned alone. "I Did it again! I'm such a monster!" (all while Jinx rides upon a glorious high horse naturally... in all honesty I'm not coming for you fan-fic writers yall are way more creative than I will ever be and I read your stuff almost everyday). And that's not even addressing the analysis posts and so on that have used this moment to demonize Vi as well. Well.... first let's get the simplest reason your wrong out of the way:

Ah I see it now. She threw her body between the small child she doesn't care about and the massive wolf monster... because she.. she's hoping the explosion of gore when the monster turns her into pink mist will traumatize Isha even more before she dies! Now I get it!

But that aside, Isha gets hit right about the 14:04 mark. And we get the following shot about 2-3 seconds later.

Note the distinct lack of Vi continuing to try and punch Jinx or literally anything else she has been accused of. Jinx notices first as she should given she has a much deeper connection to Isha than Vi does. But they both stop at the same moment and the fight is over while Jinx tends to Isha.

Also, *NOT* that it is a justification, but getting bit hurts. A lot. And it isn't a justification but we need to look at where Isha bit Vi:

Anyone wanna take any guesses on if the person who has been undercity pit-fighting for months with zero attempt at self cares' hands and forearms hurt like hell?

And for my final point for this one. Please do not yell at me, I cried during 2x06 like everyone else. But yall... Isha is a fucking wild child:

She's courageous, and loves Jinx, and is hilarious and was an awesome character. But COME ON. She throws herself into every scrap she can get her hands on. Almost like not dealing with that before it was too late cost everything...

Vi's Conversation With Jinx:

"You're never gonna give up on me.. are you.. You don't have to worry about me anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about being happy. You deserve to be with her"

Well, first and foremost this conversation where "All Vi cares about is trying to get Jinx to be an Enforcer" is the same one where this conversation takes place. Strange.. almost seems like Jinx is having a profound moment of recognizing how much Vi loves her and giving Vi permission she will never be able to give herself to prioritize her own happiness... What an odd thing to do for a boot-licking monster... Eh must just be me who doesn't get it.

So what does Vi say in her pitch to bring Jinx to the darkside? I'm glad you asked:

"Jinx.. I swiped these from the guard station. If you come, help use all that explosive potential of yours for good, maybe we could rewrite your story, like you did with Zaun"... THE HORROR!

The unfortunate choice of the word explosive aside. What is Vi actually asking? She is asking for her sister to stand by her side in the battle for HUMANITY. Not Piltover. Not Caitlyn. Not the Enforcers. HUMANITY. She believes this is a way Jinx can gain her freedom and peace to live afterwards. Because let's not forget folks, At the moment, Vi has no idea Caitlyn has essentially already told Jinx she is tired of hating her. And she certainly has no idea of Caitlyn's plan to allow for Jinx's release if Vi chooses. Vi is down here risking everything to grant her sister freedom, in hopes that they can turn it all around and be together. And another important part of this: "Like you did with Zaun". We need to think about that for a moment.

This is kind of a strange moment in Blisters and Bedrock between them, and understandably so. Jinx gives a sort of casual smirk/shrug when Vi sees it and later flouts her status as a hero, while Vi seems almost angry or jealous. Vi is seeing her little sister who was raised by the man who killed Vander, who became that man's beloved daughter and helped him flood the undercity with Shimmer, who became a feared terrorist bringing Piltover's wrath down upon the Undercity, up on the wall with Vander's face. The colored smoke of her attack on Piltover around her which Vander would never have supported. And Vi is nowhere to be seen. it has to feel like a MASSIVE slap in the face.

But now Vi is seeing what really matters in all of that. Regardless of the past, what her sister has become is a symbol of hope for their people. She has reinvented herself and is someone who gives the Undercity hope of a better tomorrow. And even with all that has happened between them. VI STILL BELIEVES JINX CAN DO THAT IN PILTOVER. If you can't see the significance of that, put down the spoonful of glue and call for an adult. You don't belong here.

And regarding Isha, straight up it's on the writers that she is not mentioned outright if that's what you need. But I want to point out a few things:

Jinx's obvious, enormous, crushing, impossible to miss depression and guilt

Vi is quite clearly very upset over everything that has happened and is visibly tearing up while hugging Jinx

Jinx's clear tribute to her in battle:

Conclusion:

To those of you who continue to engage in intelligent and good-faith debate and discussion, I look forward to doing so right alongside you in honor of this incredible show. As always, keep standing up for stories that matter, for this is the way they live on long after their time has passed.

[into-the-feniverse]

Finished reading Trigun/TriMax a couple days ago and have been feverishly trying to piece together a timeline, so here’s the result of that ✨

EDIT: as of 3/13/24 this has been UPDATED

For a more detailed timeline (with vol/ch marks): google sheet

Full res of the graphic (& other resources): bit.l/trigunresources

Notes & rest of the timeline under the cut!

Edits as of 3/13/24

The detailed spreadsheet is organized and color coded! If you'd like a more concise breakdown of events/see some of my reasoning behind certain time stamps feel free to skim through that

Changed where in the timeline the Maylene and Wolfwood events happened (originally where I had placed them would have made Maylene like 6 when she and Wolfwood reunited which is NOT correct)

moved where in the timeline Knives started collecting the GungHo Guns (at latest he started in 0090 (20 years before 0110) since it's noted that Monev has been training in a cellar for the past 20 years

Moved where Knives initially tracked down Conrad (felt like it needed to happen at least a decade before July)

Changed up some of the months (personally, I don't think the Ark launched in December, since that'd put Milly and Meryl's arrival to the colony in July, which wouldn't make sense. So I placed the ark launch in October which of course offset some of the other month stand ins)

Added an earth year for when Knives and Vash are born. The explanation is I think at minimum there was at least a 2 year period between them and Tesla (since Rem was around for that whole process). I do think it was more than that, but that’s the earliest possible year I think it could have happened. Personally I’m more in the camp of 5-10 years, but def not 50 like in tristamp

Old Notes:

If you see any typos or phrase inconsistencies: no you don’t 💕 (😭)

Blue text can be completely ignored, that’s just kinda my personal preference/wild guesstimating of when “exactly” those events happened

Blue lines can also be ignored, they’re also just rough guesstimates on where exactly in the timeline these could have happened

The distance of the lines from one another doesn’t really mean anything, I started trying to follow a system to notate when things happened really close together but it was//// not consistently done ngl

Fun fact: by the time Wolfwood leaves the orphanage Meryl is 18! And she was 14 at the time of July’s destruction

Additional fun fact: Brad is 17 when he and sensei meet up with Vash in the Factioned city (which I think is absolutely RIDICULOUS), and we know this because he was 4 the one/last time he had met Vash and it’s been 13 years since

It was noted by Karen, one of Meryl’s coworkers, that she and Milly had been on assignment with Vash for about 4 months. (Might be that they were out searching for him during that time as well, but I’m choosing to interpret it as they were actually with him for that amount of time)

I’m also working on a 98 timeline for comparison (but more like just sequence of events cause I don’t think I have the patience to sift through the lore quite as much… mainly making it just to clarify how the anime delineates from the manga)

I am//::: feeling v unhinged after this and feel like it could be improved/i need to do a more thorough read, but I’m calling it quits for now before I actually go insane (but hopefully some people will find it somewhat helpful!)

Also: if anybody has any notes to add or clarifications/corrections I would be more than happy to hear them 👂

[sunvylovebug]

ur writing is so good!! would it be possible to request a part 2 to jin’s story but mayhaps with some more romance 🥹

The cold in his heart ❨Part 2/2❩

↬ Warnings: No warnings …⁠ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ

↬ Female!Reader and third person narration (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

↬ Author Note: Thank you so much for asking for the part 2! I had so much fun writing this. I'm so happy you like the stuff I write. I felt insecure to post things cause English is not my first language but here we are<3 Thanks Anon, I hope you will like this part too!

↬ Summary: A ball in Frostheim, Y/N will attend to it, will the Captain's feelings come to light?

↬ Word Count: 1,800 Words

Part One

One day Y/N was on her way to Frostheim. She needed to deliver a report cause there were some incorrect details in the previous one so, she kindly offered to take them to the Vice Captain. However, when looking for him, she couldn't find him anywhere. She had written a message that hadn't been read yet, Y/N assumed he would be busier than usual so she decided to head to the Captain's room.

The path was not complicated. She knew it well after having gone there so many times, fulfilling errands that Jin asked of her. At first all of them were really bossy, they felt like orders more than favors. She smiled at the thought of how the young man was now a little nicer to her.

The girl arrived at the room, knocked on the door and after hearing Jin's voice she entered. "I have some papers for you, there's a report that had data, it wasn't correct." She said gently. Jin looked at her, he had a cigarette in his hand and was lying on the luxurious couch of his room, a sight that was common to see.

"Ah... I see. Leave them there." Jin spoke looking at the desk. She nodded and put the papers on a free space on his desk. He looked at her hand, she had a bandage covering her palm. "Y/N, come here." He ordered, she walked towards him.

"Yes? Is there anything else you need?" Y/N didn't know what he had in mind.

"Sit."

"Okay okay, what's wrong? You're being weird-"

Her words were cut off as Jin gently held her hand, analyzing the bandage. He looked into Y/N's eyes, searching for an explanation. "Oh, that... it's nothing serious, just a slight cut I got while I was cleaning some pieces of glass."

Hearing what happened, he frowned, giving her palm a light caress. "What are you, a dumb kid? It's sharp and you shouldn't clean something like that with bare hands."

"I know I know, I was in a hurry but it's nothing, really. Jiro bandaged it for me." He kept frowning. "You look like an angry cat."

"Shut the fuck up."

Jin let her hand go, a little pissed off cause of her words, not as gently as he was holding it. She sighed, he could still be a bit rude from time to time. After a short silence he gently tapped the cigarette against the ashtray and looked at her. "There's going to be a dance tonight, are you planning to go?"

The girl chuckled at the question, earning a frown from the boy. "No, I'm definitely not going"

He raised an eyebrow and looking at her curiously. "And why is that?"

"Well you know, it's gonna be full of rich people, expensive outfits, they will be dancing..."

"Why would you care about what those bootlickers do, wear or think? You should go."

She smiled playfully. "Oh? What is it? Do you want me to go?"

"Yes. I want you to go."

That was unexpected, Y/N was joking but it was obvious he was being serious. Her cheeks felt a little warm after hearing what he'd said. "I don't have any clothes to wear to an event like that."

"Then I'll get you some. Will you go?" Those piercing ice-blue eyes looked at her with a certain sparkle, something she couldn't quite make out.

She sighed, it was a very kind gesture on his part and she was somewhat curious to see what one of these Frostheim activities was like. "Fine. I'll go. Thank you Jin, I appreciate it."

He had a slight, beautiful smile on his lips after hearing she was going. Soon after that he took care of getting the perfect outfit for her.

[ • • • ]

It was getting dark and Y/N was a little nervous, she didn't know how to dance at all and anyone could tell she had two left feet when dancing, it didn't really matter cause Jin wanted her there. Her heart was churning with a certain mixture of happiness and uncertainty at this, it was true that they were getting closer but, could that mean something more or was she just rushing to assume things that aren't true?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sight of one of Darkwick's many cats at the window. She let the cat in and it meowed happily, letting the package on the floor for her to grab. Y/N crouched down and gave the small animal some gentle strokes, its tail was wagging from side to side. "Thank you, you're such a good worker aren't you?"

The cat purred happily and after some more affection it needed to go. The cat jumped out and left. The girl's hands carefully opened the pretty package and she smiled as she saw the contents, there was a beautiful dress, a coat and a pair of shoes, also some jewelry. The fabric of the clothes was so soft and pleasant to the touch. It was obvious the high quality of it, she hoped it wasn't too expensive, of course Jin could get something like that a hundred times and not be bothered by the price, but she didn't feel so good when someone spent money on her.

There was still some time left but Y/N decided to prepare herself as best she could to look good. She wanted to feel pretty and she did a good job with it. Seeing her reflection in the mirror felt good, the dress fit her body shape in such a natural way, Jin had made a perfect choice.

Arriving at the Frostheim house, there was a certain warmth that was not so usual. The place was full of people, all of them looked elegant, glamours, they were people with a lot of money and power. Y/N couldn't help but feel out of place. Luckily no one was watching at her, she was blending in well.

"Here you are." She heard a voice behind her, it was Tohma. He greeted her with a slight bow of his head. "Good evening Y/N, the Captain is looking for you. Follow me."

Her heart began to race, she followed Tohma without objection, some people watched them pass by but she wasn't thinking about it. Then she saw him, a drink on his hand and wearing the Frostheim uniform. There's no denying that Jin looked incredibly attractive in it. "Look at that, not bad." He smirked when she appeared in front of him.

"Thank you Jin. You look good too." She smiled with her cheeks a little rosy.

Some students around them began to murmur about them, Jin sighed heavily. "That's why I hate these things. Y/N, come on, let's dance." He grabbed the girl's waist and guided her to the dance floor.

"Jin wait, I don't know how to-"

"Shhh don't worry, I'll guide you. Just follow me." He whispered to her, she felt shivers down her spine but only nodded at his words.

Jin guided Y/N's hands to put them in the correct place, getting a little closer to her and holding her waist with one hand. They started dancing slowly, maybe it was the adrenaline but she didn't feel it was as difficult as it seemed before, it was actually quite nice to do. There were a lot of people looking but neither of them cared at all. It was just the two of them and the background music.

They danced for a while, Jin looked at her tenderly, his cold eyes had warmth in them, Y/N had managed to melt the young man's cold heart and wrap it in warmth.

The third song ended and he gently pulled her off the dance floor. "You must be a little tired, let's go."

He started walking towards the stairs. "Oh? Wasn't I supposed to be getting tired?" She asked raising an eyebrow. Jin turned around to look at her.

"You're right." Before Y/N could realize it he was carrying her bridal style, she instinctively clung to his body, letting out a surprised gasp. The boy smirked.

"There was no need to do that, Jin."

"You're shy now? How cute." He teased.

He walked up the stairs while carrying her in his arms, the music was becoming less and less loud, she looked at his face. He was so handsome, his pale skin, blue eyes, silver hair with that subtle blue blur on the tips.

He put her back on her feet, but his hand travels to her waist. "I wasn't ready to see you look so stunning tonight." He says sincerely, his expression is not much different from usual but there is a slight warm glint in his eyes.

"Jin I-" Her words were interrupted by his index finger, gently resting on her lips.

"I wanna say something first." She nodded, a little shocked by his actions. "I'm in love with you, Y/N." For just a second she wanted to ask him if if was a joke, but seeing the way his eyes looked at her she knew he was being honest.

Y/N felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest to go into his arms instead. "I feel the same way for you."

Jin felt relieved, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. Her body pressed against his chest. She was surprised to notice that his heart was racing almost as fast as hers. "I love you."

"I love you too Jin." His grip on her loosened enough to look into her eyes again.

He moved one of his hands to gently hold her cheek. He brought his face closer to hers slowly, waiting to see what kind of reaction he was gonna get from her. Her cheeks got red, her eyes were closing, their faces came closer and that's when their lips touched softly, a delicate, gentle touch.

His thumb caressed her face, Jin didn't want to pull away, but they were running out of air after several seconds of kissing, he pulled away to let her breathe again, his forehead pressed against hers and a loving smile on his face.

"Y/N. Would you be my girlfriend?"

She couldn't believe what her ears were hearing, maybe this was a dream? "Of course! I want that... I wanna be your girlfriend."

He kissed her softly again, they kisses until they had a hard time breathing. Jin was fascinated with her, he couldn't stop it, his heart wanted to make her feel overwhelmed with love and feel the same in return too. It was definitely their perfect night.

In the eyes of others, Jin had regained some of his former charisma and warmth, all thanks to the fact that the king of Frostheim had found someone to give all of his love to.

[detailtilted]

Index of Enhanced Edition Con Videos

I'll maintain this index in a pinned post for easy reference. Click the links to go to the YouTube videos, or click here for a more readable Google Docs table which includes these links plus a tab noting which events I skipped, temporarily or permanently, and why.

Link to my YouTube channel. Playlist in chronological order by panel.

The below list is in the order I published them so you can easily see what's new.

2007-11-11, Chicago - J2 Breakfast (00:23:42)

2007-11-11, Chicago - Jensen Solo (00:21:55)

2007-11-11, Chicago - Jared Solo (00:29:44)

2007-11-11, Chicago - J2 Main Panel (00:38:24)

2008-07-27, San Diego Comic Con - SPN Panel (00:50:52)

2008-11-16, Chicago - J2 Breakfast (00:26:16)

2008-11-16, Chicago - Jared Solo (00:26:20)

2008-11-16, Chicago - J2 Main Panel (00:35:04)

2008-11-16, Chicago - Jensen Solo (00:34:36)

2009-08-30, Vancouver - J3 Breakfast (00:31:53)

2009-08-30, Vancouver - Jensen Solo (00:27:17)

2009-08-30, Vancouver - J2 Main Panel (00:30:25)

2009-11-15, Chicago - J2 Breakfast (00:32:24)

2009-11-15, Chicago - J2 Main Panel (01:08:50)

2010-10-10, Chicago - Mishalecki Breakfast (00:32:48)

2010-10-10, Chicago - Misha Solo Panel (00:24:22)

2010-10-10, Chicago - Mishalecki Main Panel (00:29:33)

2010-10-10, Chicago - J2M Main Panel (00:29:07)

2011-08-27, Vancouver - Misha Solo Panel (00:54:47)

2011-08-28, Vancouver - J2 Breakfast (00:30:40)

2011-08-28, Vancouver - J2 Main Panel (01:03:46)

2007-08-28, San Diego Comic Con - SPN Panel (00:41:09)

2008-01-19, Fangoria (Austin) - Jared Panel (00:42:55)

2008-03-30, Los Angeles - J2 Breakfast (00:25:42)

I'm now working on Jared's solo panel from LACON 2008.

Thank you to everyone who has shown an interest in these videos. The reblogs and likes all made me very happy, and I especially appreciated the kind comments some of you left in your reblog text and tags. I'm unsure of the proper Tumblr way to respond directly to that in a way that won't annoy people, but I've definitely noticed and appreciated it!

An explanation of this project and my plans for it are listed below the break. A lot of it will be familiar if you've read my earlier posts, but it's more detailed -- and excessively long! There's also some info on how you can help, especially if you have any old videos or audio files that you'd be willing to contribute.

Why Do You Call These "Enhanced Editions"?

The videos I'm using are not my own, but I've spent many hours adding enhancements to them. My goal is to make these the most watchable and accessible versions of these older convention panels published to date. Credit and links to the original videos are in the video descriptions. These are the typical enhancements you'll see:

When possible, I'm upscaling the videos. This doesn't always work, especially on videos that are lower quality to begin with, but sometimes it makes a significant improvement in video quality.

When necessary, I'm correcting colors on the videos to try to make them look more natural and consistent. I'm very inexperienced in this area, and I don't consider it to be one of my strengths, but I'm learning.

The original videos are usually in multiple parts, but I'm editing them together into a single video as cohesively as possible. I may use videos from multiple sources to provide the most complete video possible, and I'll select the ones with the highest video quality and/or the best view of the action available. Sometimes I have to make difficult choices between the video with the best view (meaning a clear view of their actions and/or facial expressions) and the video with the best quality. I usually lean toward the one with the best view in those cases. I also choose the clearest audio I can find, so the audio you hear didn't always come from the video you're watching.

I'm adding extra content to help clarify references people make during the panels. The videos I've worked with so far don't take up the full width of a modern video frame, so I've taken advantage of that extra space to display the extra content to the side where it's less obtrusive. There are explanations for obscure references that are way funnier when you understand what they mean, plus episode references to help jog the memory for those of us who haven't rewatched the show a million times. In rare cases where I think it will enhance understanding, I'll insert brief episode clips that highlight what they're talking about.

I'm putting a LOT of time into adding good, color-coded English subtitles that can be turned on and off with YouTube's CC button. These videos can be frustrating to understand because the audience often drowns them out and Jared and Jensen tend to talk at the same time when they're together. I can't always figure everything out, but it's far better than the crazy, auto-generated nonsense that many videos have. YouTube can then translate my English subtitles into other languages, so this improves their accessibility. The color-coding helps with telling who's saying what: red for Jared, blue for Jensen, green for the general audience, yellow for the current fan at the microphone, and white for other people such as staff.

If there's missing footage that I can't find anywhere, then if I can find a source that seems to have reliable details about what was discussed, I'll add static images with a brief summary and a link to my source in the video description.

What Conventions Do You Plan to Enhance?

I don't want to make grand promises that I'll enhance videos for every old convention, although I definitely love the idea of doing so. How far I go with this will depend on how much sustained interest there is from other people and how much spare time I have myself.

My main focus is the panels with Jared and/or Jensen. They're the ones I'm most interested in and it takes a certain level of obsession to spend this many hours watching the same video over and over as part of the editing process! If I obtain any mostly-complete videos of Misha's solo panels that upscale well, I may also do some of those. I have done a couple of his already. He will also of course be included if he's in a panel with Jared and/or Jensen.

I haven't quantified exactly what "old" is, so I can't tell you I plan to work on all videos up through a specific year and then stop. For now I'm just plowing my way through with blinders on until one of four things happen: 1) I don't feel like I'm adding any value any more, 2) I no longer have the time or energy for the project, 3) everybody else has lost interest in the project and nobody's watching anymore, or 4) I've reached cons that are recent enough that the original video takers don't want their videos used for this project.

Can I Help?

If you have any old convention videos or audio files that you're willing to contribute, please message me! Maybe I can use them, maybe I can't, but the more I have to work with, the better chance I have of creating something more complete. If I do use your material, I'll credit you in whatever manner you prefer.

Even if your videos are on YouTube, it would save me a lot of angst if you could reach out to me and let me know about your channel in case I haven't found it already and confirm if you'd be ok with my using your videos. If you have videos that you don't want me to use, please let me know that too and I will respect that. I spend a good amount of time trying to track people down before I use their videos. If I can find a way to reach them, then I request permission first. I've managed to make contact with several very generous people, but a lot of people have also fallen off the face of the earth. If I can't find an active account for someone, then I go ahead and use their videos, but always with some trepidation that I might eventually piss someone off. Many of the older videos have already been republished by other people without credit, and I do always credit my sources, even if I only use a second or two of audio from their video.

If you send me videos that I'm able to upscale and/or color correct, then I'd be happy to send those updated versions back to you for your collection regardless of whether or not I use them.)

Even if your video looks terrible, you might just have a missing piece of footage that I couldn't find anywhere else, or your video might upscale more easily than another. Some of the footage I've gotten the most excited about has been audio-only footage or very low quality video footage that captured a few seconds from a panel that nobody else captured. If nothing else, I might be able to hear something in the audio that will help me fill in a subtitle I couldn't figure out.

I've greatly appreciated everyone who has contributed to this project by freely sharing their recordings. I also appreciate everyone who has watched my videos and especially those who have taken the time to let me know that you're enjoying them or benefitting from them in some way. Thank you!

[marupunch]

¡Sabrosura!: The wonderful localization of Hole Punch in the Latin Spanish version of Origami King 💛✨

I had been wanting to make this post for a long time and I'm finally happy to have found the time to make it possible. Personally I consider that something very interesting about Origami King is how like its history, already endearing, contains details that are adapted to different regions of the world. After all, it's a game inspired by different cultures and the variety of these localizations only enriches the world that many of us fans already love and appreciate.

One of these mentioned details that I would like to share with you is one of the adaptations of Hole Punch, specifically the one seen in Latin Spanish, to which I have a special affection for multiple reasons, so I hope that this post can inform you more about it. ✨

Before we start and, as you know, I'm only a fan of this game making a personal interpretation. I'm not an expert in any of the themes mentioned here, so do not hesitate to correct me if I have an error and please take my words in the best possible way. I do not intend to offend or insult anyone with this post, just to share my interpretation.

Full explanation under the cut! (Warning of looong text!)

To start, I want to mention the most basic: this is the adaptation that was used for Latin America. Hence, some of the aforementioned elements involve the culture of this region.

Dialogues and writing in Paper Mario's games are one of the most important elements of the narrative, because it's through the expressions and actions of the characters that we can learn more about their personality. Punch is no exception, being presented as an fan of disco, perhaps even a little outdated, but aggressive with his opinions. His most prominent phrase: "It's Groovy!" in latin spanish it is replaced by "Sabrosura!", but what does it mean?

"Sabrosura" is an expression used throughout Latin America (mainly Cuba, Nicaragua and Peru) which comes from the word "sabroso", which means Tasty. However, in this conjugation, it's an expression used to denote energy or beauty of a person. Most likely, considering the game approach, they first meaning has been used, but we will see this below.

[“And seeing that around these corners the sun never comes out, the sabrosura will never end! Je, je, je! Let's daaance!”]

In the dialogue shown, Punch uses this expression in its meaning of passion. Sabrosura can be described colloquially as an energy that is attractive, has good vibes and is appropriate to the situation. When you say that you are doing something with sabrosura, it is easy to know what you mean: you are doing well, with passion and personality.

["You better play something with what I can spill my sabrosura!"]

However, since the game sometimes jokes a bit with double meaning, it's not surprising that Punch dialogues can be misunderstood in the second sense of the expression. HER dialogues can also be read as a Punch alluding to her own beauty, almost as if she called herself "sexy", eager for everyone to look at her on the dance floor. One of the reasons that gives strength to this interpretation is that "sabrosura" is usually used to refer to female beauty and, in this adaptation, Punch uses female pronouns.

However, I consider that it's important to indulge more into the origin of this expression to understand a little of what the game locators had in mind when characterizing Punch. For this, we must know a liiiittle more about latin american culture.

As I have explained before, the expression has its roots in specific latin american countries, although over time it extended to the entire region. With this extension, the word was mainly coined to different urban tribes; among them, reggaetoneros, rumberos and cumbieros stand out.

All those mentioned are groups characterized by certain traits in common: or middle or low class latin people gathered by love of music and street dance, informal, "neighborhood style". If the idea of ​​dancing freely in the middle of the street, with full volume music using public roads as an impromptu dance floor doesn't sound like Punch, then I suppose I have failed in my interpretation.

Although it should be noted that not only the love for music and dance is taken into account at the time of characterizing Punch as a member of these groups, therefore, of the aforementioned groups, the cumbieros and reggaetoneros have the reputation of showing a behavior based on the idea of ​​momentary pleasure, general rebellion and loyalty to those belonging to their group, even if this represents getting involved in conflicts. As we know, these are elements that characterize the Disco Devil.

[“I'm really the best!!! I'll be the queen of the dance floor until the sunrise.” ]

Is it really so important if Punch was characterized in the Latin version as a middle-class street dancer? Yeah! Like a latine that has grown in these environments, seeing groups that are often not seen in media because they are not "aesthetic enough" was a beautiful surprise. These are teeny weenie details that may not make much sense for people who do not identify these groups, and it's fine if you don't share my interpretation! But for my part, this is one of the many reasons why Punch is my favorite Stationery, so I wanted to share it with you. ✨

TLDR; Latin Spanish Punch is a street dancer who likes to feel sexy. Freaking cool, right?

[electromignion]

Young Jeremy Bradshaw fanart! (Bridgewater my beloved)

“Dad? Can you hear me? Are you out there?”

Here’s my latest Bridgewater fanart! I wanted to explore more young!Jeremy Bradshaw; especially as in S2 he mentioned having been tried Wicca when he was younger; so it struck me directly — what if he tried witchcraft overall? And my mind unraveled to that point to now 👌

If you want more explanation about the fanart and my headcanons about Jeremy you can click on read more (because again details are detailing way too much)✌️

So let’s first start with young Jeremy, as he admitted to believe, I wanted to show how he tried to explore all the possibilities and I totally see him as a little bit of a rebellious teen as he is still in denial and as he is aching for the come back of Thomas. That’s why he tries to contact him with the pendulum, he wants to believe.

And I thought how Jeremy would express himself in this situation? That’s why I gave him black nail polish, an earring, and you can’t see it much but he has some black eyeshadow, to me it was his way to express himself.

As a way to express himself too, on the picture framed on the left in the red frame, it’s him as a teen with his mother and his step-dad, as I heard in S1 EP01 that Jeremy’s mother said dad to talk about the guy and Jeremy corrected her, I thought about that grudge must have been lasting for a huge while, so that’s why he put a post it and crossed it as well, because he has always refused to replace Thomas in a way, and he looks quite uncomfy on the picture too.

However, another picture is framed: baby Jeremy with Thomas Bradshaw and this one is fully visible. It’s probably one of his only picture with his dad so he cherished it a lot. (My headcanon is that Jeremy had the film camera and took a picture by accident as he was excited to see the camera, and when they developed it they kept the picture as it was too adorable, and I love Jeremy with his one little tooth 🥺🥹)

He also cherishes the letter his dad has written to him for his fifth birthday, so just before his disappearance. As I don’t know if you will be able to read my handwriting here is my transcript:

“Dear Jeremy, Son, l know I promised to be here today, but *scribbled words which are “you know”* work is work sometimes. I’m sorry. You will probably understand later. You have plenty of birthdays to come, so I promise I’ll make it up to you. Take care of your mom ok? Happy 5th birthday, proud of you, x Dad”

Which makes it even more hurtful because he never got to celebrate another birthday with his son. (Yes I suffer, you suffer with me /lh)

For the context of this fanart, I thought it would be in the year 1995, so Jeremy would be 20 years old and it would match. So I then looked for Gameboy games which were out in North America before 1995 because I really like to be accurate, and I put Batman first because it’s a nod to Misha Collins’ role in Gotham Knights as he plays Harvey Dent! (Btw as an other Misha nod, I did the bed blanket pink for the famous pic of Misha with his pink blankie but that’s really anecdotal but that���s what I enjoy). I really wanted Jeremy to have Pokemon Red/Blue but unfortunately, it was out in Japan in 96’ and then 98’ in NA/EUR and import at the time was so-so, but as he likes myths and folklore he would love to catch pocket monsters for sure. (Maybe a next time??)

I put another paper taped to the wall which is just the Bridgewater triangle with the locations of each angles of it, I like to think that Jeremy was trying to find more information on it, that was his way to have a visual reminder of it all.

When it comes to the X-Files… because his t-shirt is some accurate 90s vintage t-shirt X-Files merch with “the truth is out there” written on it (I like details way too much), I think it is time to explain why TXF is so present in my full Bridgewater fanarts (the Big Blue mug reference to Quagmire 3x22 of txf, or even the I Want To Believe poster which is present usually in Mulder’s office ) not only the show is really important to me, but I really found the vibes of it in Bridgewater, and then it struck me, Jeremy had been Scully coded in the beginning of the S1 to then go to a sort of epiphany realising that things might end up real. But I truly don’t think that it stops here, because to me — we come to the headcanons — Jeremy has watched the X-Files as it aired. It started in 1993, he had 17 years old, he was not feeling good, he wanted to believe, who wanted to believe as well? Fox Mulder.

And it’s easy to draw the parallels: Jeremy has lost his father nobody cares anymore and he is only aching as he had been hoping for him to come back, his father disappeared in strange circonstances in the Bridgewater Triangle. Mulder has lost his little sister, Samantha, whom he was persuaded as a kid to have seen getting abducted by aliens, and everybody has lost hope on finding her, it’s easy to assume that Jeremy saw himself in a way in Mulder. Their seek for the truth is important but even when his belief starts to crumble I think he is still attached to the show and starts to find himself in the character of Scully, scientific and down to earth before anything else because it hurts less, and it’s his trauma response. But I think he ends up with the IWTB poster in his house as an adult as no matter what, he still wants to believe into the hope of finding Thomas again although he doesn’t believe it anymore.

For the witchcraft part he also has a tigers eye stone bracelet because it’s supposed to have strong properties of protection, and the pendulum is in amethyst as it’s supposed to bring soothing energy and good vibes — which might be useful to get contact with Thomas.

Then we come to my favourite fanart “plotwist” which I’m super proud of: the incense behind him as it’s burning is spelling “Jeremy?” which is a supposition that his contact with Thomas was indeed working — the veil hum hum cough cough — however he could not see it so not believe it, whereas ironically, the cone incense in front of him was burning normally, so this “séance” not working might have crumbled his beliefs into the supernatural too which put them into more into the rank of myths instead of real tangible possible things (and we can see his interests into myths and folklore already as the three books he has on his shelves are about it!)

As a ref of young!Jeremy Bradshaw I took refs on pics of Misha in his twenties 😭✌️

I hope you enjoyed my fanart (it took me roughly 13 hours this time) and my little explanation and thank you for reading it all! Lots of love 🫶

[mareenavee]

Been meaning to pick your professional brain a bit, so... Tell us about rewriting/drafting/editorial pass! What happens when you read to edit? How is it different when you read someone else's work vs your own? What do you look for, what do you notice differently from when you're in writing mode? Any advice to get better at the whole editing thing, and what typical advice that we often see (kill your darlings, never do x, always do x, write for yourself, know your audience...) do you think could use some nuance or explanation? And maybe most importantly, what advice would you give a starting beta reader? What makes for a good beta reader and/or editor, especially when there's no monetary transaction involved and it's all donated labor? What are some of the essential skills?

Hello my friend!! Thank you so, so much for asking me about editing!! I am over the moon. I love this part.

I'm lucky because while it's been my job for quite a long while now (often among other responsibilities) work hasn't ground out the joy of it. I prefer to edit fiction, of course, over corporate copy and advertising, but am honestly happy to dig into either kind of project. The point of it is to bring the right words to the forefront of whatever the written material is, I think. To make the piece the best it can be, and at the same time show the writers how capable they really are. (: So let me dive right in! (THIS IS LONG, by the way, so under the cut! The irony is not lost on me about wordiness and editing and then producing this LOL but it's alright. I'm a chatty person online and this is more or less conversational.)

What is an editorial pass?

There's several kinds of editing. What I do most for paid corporate work is proofreading -- which is catching typos and grammar mistakes and correcting them. This is usually a first pass of any given project. This pass doesn't usually suggest changes -- things are left as is except typos and grammar mistakes. This is sometimes also called copyediting, though copyediting is the next step up and also checks for style consistency, among a few other things, especially in academic and corporate work.

Next is line editing -- this is more checking for word choice at the sentence level. We're looking to make sure things flow together nicely, and that we're cutting the fluff out when necessary. When things get too wordy and there are cleaner ways to phrase something, a line edit pass will catch these things.

Next past that is content editing -- this is done on a full manuscript or story to check that the ideas are complete and the story flows together logically. This should be paragraph and chapter level and should also check for consistency in tone and authorial voice.

After that is my personal favorite, which is structural editing. This is actually technically what you should start with if your manuscript is already complete. But we'll get into the difference between having work beta read and having work edited below. Anyway structural editing is going to check for, well, structure -- organization, flow and quality of the book in its entirety.

There will be notes regarding concerns and big picture issues with the story. These usually won't include detail-level edits, though some professional editors do offer multiple passes on the same manuscript. If your structural edit is mostly glowing praise with few key concerns or suggestions, you can move onto more detail oriented edits to address those specific concerns.

And an even higher level editing that can happen even before a manuscript is complete is Developmental Editing. I like to think of this as an outline critique or consultation more so, as this pass won't be rewriting or doing any sort of detail work. The editor takes your idea and helps ask the right questions to make sure you're organizing your ideas to the best of your ability. They help an author to see the book as a reader would see it.

What happens when you read to edit?

Reading for enjoyment is actually as important to editing as it is for writing. The key takeaway is that an for either, you need to have a extremely solid grasp on the components that make a good story. For an editor, especially so when the 'rules' might be broken purposefully by an author. Honestly, a lot of it is still opinion based. Two different editors, generally, will have different insights for you reading the same manuscript, biased by how much they read and what their specialties are. Most editors, too, will have an ear for grammar which nobody wants to talk about but it's true. You don't need to memorize every single tiny little grammatical detail to explain in full to your authors when you edit and catch errors. But an editor usually can hear when things are off more or less and can provide resources if a mistake is noticed as a consistent issue.

Mostly when you're reading to edit and I'll use structural editing for an example here, you're always thinking of how things flow together and how the story threads intertwine and connect. You're thinking through how the story will land for a casual reader. There's a lot of work in the background in this case, and it takes practice to be able to point out when elements fall flat. You as an editor should also be able to suggest ways to fix the flat parts of the story -- and to do that you need to have read widely in many genres. Read for the sake of understanding how stories come together. Read while taking extensive mental notes as you go. Each book is a learning opportunity.

How is it different when you read someone else's work vs your own?

I actually just reblogged a post about this that sums it up pretty nicely. When you're writing you're so close to your own work it can be hard not only to spot errors but to let go of work you've written. It can also be difficult to see where your work shines because it's not how you envisioned it in your head. Writing is an entirely different process, even if you can go back in with good editing eyes, again it comes down to perspective. You're too close to your own work. You've spent so much more time with it. You know every detail (presumably) and might not be able to see beyond that. The editor, on the other hand, and also a beta reader, will be able to shift perspectives a bit based on their own biases and specialties and help spot things that weren't obvious in the thick of the project.

For me I know I am not as strong a writer as I am an editor for this exact reason. (Regardless of what others think of my writing, this is still true lol) I get a sort of tunnel vision on what I'm attempting to get on paper. A second set of eyes helps point out what needs more attention. An editor should be a project's biggest cheerleader because our goal is to bring out the best an author can do. We can see the threads of greatness as we go through a piece. When we suggest things, it's always to make the piece stronger and for the story beats to hit harder. So this piece really comes down to perspective. When I read my own work, I still am very much mired in it. When I read someone else's work, I get to experience it without it having lived in my head for x amount of time. It's a fresh view of the text, and that can often be invaluable.

What do you look for, what do you notice differently from when you're in writing mode?

This kind of plays off the last few questions, more or less but here I'll switch to self-editing. It really is a mindset change and it's incredibly difficult on one's own writing. Usually I need to take a day or two to let the chapter (for instance) I'm working on simmer and move on to the next thing to get my mind out of the weeds about it more or less. Then I go back in with the goal to proofread and do line level editing.

Because I am the author, I'm always trying to keep in mind overarching structures and plots. (I'm a planner rather than a pantser/discovery writer normally though there are exceptions when I add to the plan later.) This does make "editing mode" a little bit easier for me, besides being a professional editor. I'm actively trying to keep the threads together in editing mode, and actively looking for accidental repetition, places where fluff can be cut out, areas where the words sound off/discordant and can be improved, and personally I am always trying to be sure each line of dialogue or inner monologue SOUNDS like the point of view character I'm working with. This comes from asking the right questions of your work -- "Why would x character respond this way?" But that's a whole other topic. Someone could ask me about how I handle character building another time if they'd like (: But it's all part of the editing process.

In writing mode the goal, at least for me, is to get the idea out of my head and into a draft / on paper. I have the bones of the story in my outline and now I need to get the words out. First drafts are incredibly important and are not -- I repeat -- are NOT garbage. These are the rough foundations and the effort is not wasted. You can't refine anything if there's nothing on the page. The first draft is gold. It is the authentic creative writing experience. The rest is editing. (: And the revision process, the editing, helps bring forward the gem of an idea you had to begin with.

Any advice to get better at the whole editing thing?

The two biggest pieces of advice I have for this is to read widely and to come to your work with fresh eyes before you attempt to edit.

Reading widely means to read outside of your preferred genre as often as you can. This can also mean reading craft books -- ie things that talk about the writing process or even the editing process -- and it can mean consuming other kinds of media with a focus on storytelling like video games, ttrpgs or movies etc. It also means paying attention while reading, always keeping an eye on your own answer to the question: "Why does this work so well?" or conversely "why do I hate this?" (: Reading critically is a habit that not a lot of us innately have. You do have to put in the work just like with writing to read closely in a way that benefits you as a writer and an editor.

Now for the next part -- walking away from your draft entails two things. One, that you've written all you could before you turned on editing mode and two you've given yourself a day or two to do something else (or continue writing) before you return to what you want to edit. It's so much harder to catch what you're missing when you immediately turn back and edit what you've just written. (With exception.) You can catch more typos, and fix the fluff or underwriting when you've given your mind a second to rest.

Improvement comes with practice, too. So purposefully trying to edit, and purposefully trying to read critically and building a habit out of these things will lead to a better understanding of the craft in general. All of it translates to writing strong first drafts and being able to revise more effectively. It's cumulative. Nobody is born a perfect writer or a perfect editor.

One last tip that might be a little impractical depending on your circumstances is -- if you want to get better at editing quickly, read your work out loud. It's easier to find clunky areas as you verbalize them.

What typical advice that we often see (kill your darlings, never do x, always do x, write for yourself, know your audience...) do you think could use some nuance or explanation?

I could write about each of these but this post is already long! So I'll pick my favorite. "Write what you know" doesn't mean "Stay in your lane and write about your retail job" for example. To me, it's more like even in a fantasy world, you can bring in things you've experienced and give them to your characters.

Not a single one of us is as boring as we think we are (: I learned this when I was going through the Creative Nonfiction track in my undergrad creative writing degree program. Even something so average told from your perspective can be fascinating to someone else. So apply it to your story -- all your experiences, your emotions, whatever you can throw at the canvas so to speak.

Your character isn't a reflection of you if you don't want them to be. But they can still go through a fantasy version of troubles that evoke the same kind of big emotions that you've been through. It can be kind of cathartic -- at least in my experience, it can be.

What advice would you give a starting beta reader? What makes for a good beta reader and/or editor, especially when there's no monetary transaction involved and it's all donated labor? What are some of the essential skills?

So first, the difference between a beta reader and editor does come down to the donation of time. You're going to get different responses based on the skill of your beta reader and how much attention and time they have to donate. The ideal beta reader will be someone who is in your intended audience and is generally a close reader, even if they're not there looking for grammar mistakes or anything like that. They'll have a working idea of their own personal answers to what they feel works well and what doesn't when they read in general.

Generally a beta reader will be a set of eyes that will catch your grammar mistakes and typos but probably won't be providing line level suggestions. They'll function as a light structural editor or work more or less on a chapter level. Some beta readers (like myself because I am also a editor) might donate more time and effort to the project than others and be able to make professional suggestions, but this is not to be expected or requested.

If you're just starting out as a beta reader, it might be good to practice on maybe a published novella or short story first, low stakes because the author can't see your comments. Begin the process of reading widely and asking yourself "Why (or why not) does this work for me as a reader?" "What makes this enjoyable (or not?)" "What is it about this piece that is done well (or not?)" The grammar practice can come later -- refresh on the rules, but again don't worry about being perfect. The biggest skill you can build is reading critically. Practice, practice, practice. And when you offer your skills as a beta reader, let your author know if it's your first piece. Sometimes a very fresh set of eyes are just the thing a project needs, so don't be shy about saying so.

On the skills needed -- beta readers should not be shy to say exactly what they're thinking in a kind, constructive way. This can take some practice. But if you're going to point out something that's not working, it's good to have an idea as to why and be able to convey that. It doesn't have to be to the level of a suggestion and certainly not to the level of a rewrite or being able to provide comps/resources.

Being able to provide comments of your thoughts in a structured and logical way based on your opinion of what you've read comes with practice, of course. It's essential because an author is generally looking for specific feedback when they're asking you to beta read their work to make sure their story is hitting as intended for their intended audience.

Again having a good ear for grammar is going to be important here, too. You don't have to be perfect about it, either, or memorize every tiny technical detail. But being able to hear when something is off is useful again because while writing, an author is very close to their work and might not catch it.

And last -- remind yourself you are human. You aren't going to be able to catch every error. You aren't going to be perfect. (listen, not even every editor is going to catch every single mistake. Again, we're human!) You are not a machine. The act of being a close reader for an author and donating your time to assist them is selfless. Nobody should be expecting perfection. This is a collaborative effort between audience and author in this case. You get to make suggestions and perhaps change an author's mind about the direction of some things in their stories. Authors can choose not to take advice, too, without needing to explain anything at all. It doesn't mean the effort is wasted. It comes down to having a second set of eyes on the project with the intent to bring out the best.

Beta reader or editor, your job is mostly to be the work's cheerleader and see past the rough edges to the gem underneath, and then show the author how truly talented they are when they've forgotten in the thick of it. These are simply two different levels of the same kinds of tasks (:

[ashes3333]

Everything is Okay

Written for DannyMay 2023 Day 25 Prompt: Blame Fandom: Danny Phantom Characters: Danny, Kwan, Dash, Tucker, Sam, Lancer Words: 1253 Warnings: Nightmares Summary: Danny is asleep in class again, this time he wakes up after having a bad dream, and the entire class is there to witness it. It's safe to say that Lancer has a few questions for our favorite trio.

Casper High’s English teacher Lancer was happy to keep talking about their latest book and how the symbolism matters and the wonderful foreshadowing of the author. He looked up from his teaching and spotted the trio. The student that used to be so promising, Danny Fenton, had his head on his desk sleeping, his book was opened to the last chapter they had finished going over earlier this class period. He looked over Sam Manson had her book opened to the right page, but didn’t bother to show her interest. Lancer wasn’t as worried about her, she always had good grades and strong opinions in her essays. Tucker Foley was writing down well-detailed notes, anything that could possibly be on their test and he was ready. Both were giving each other worried looks to each other and Danny, having a full-on silent conversation while the youngest of the trio twitched in his sleep.

“Is Mr. Fenton sleeping in class again?” Lancer asked, walking towards the trio, the two awake high schoolers giving him wide eyes.

“He had a long night. He was up late last night with me Sam. We were studying for his trigonometry test we have today,” Tucker told him.

“Correction Mr. Foley it is Sam and I, but I’ll forgive you. Maybe if you helped Mr. Fenton work out a better study schedule he wouldn’t be falling asleep in class,” Lancer suggested as he went to shake the boy awake but was stopped by the goth teen, now claiming the full attention of the class.

“Don’t touch him,” Sam interfered.

“Ms. Manson he has to be awake for class,” Lancer told her, looking between her and the boy.

“You can’t wake him up yet,” she stated again.

“If you can give a good reason as to why I shouldn’t wake him up then I won’t but until then he has to be awake,” Lancer said sadly, seeing the two struggle to come up with a reason, but as the sleeping boy twitched and shivered they looked worse.

“Mr. Lancer, please. Don’t wake Danny. We will tell you after class after everyone leaves, but I’m not telling you in front of everyone,” she said as he looked around the class and decided that that was a passable excuse.

“Alright, Ms. Manson. I won’t wake him, but I’m expecting a good and full explanation by the end. Do you understand?” he asked.

“We understand Mr. Lancer,” Tucker shook his head as he returned to teaching the class. This however did not stop the other students from thinking that messing with Danny was a good idea.

“Wanna wake Fenton?” Dash whispered to Kwan as the jock smirked in the sleeping teen’s direction. 

Right as Mr. Lancer turned around the two started to throw things at the sleeping boy, ignoring the glares sent to them by the geek squad.

“Stop that!” Sam glared at the two boys.

“What are you going to do about it?” Dash smirked as he threw another object, one bigger than all the others and heavier. Hitting Danny in the back of the head. Danny’s head shot up unexpectedly, a green tint to his normally icy blue eyes.

Lancer noticing the kid awake and out of it choose to stop teaching in case something were to happen, with this class he never knows.

“Mom dad?” Danny asked, looking around the room.

“Danny it’s okay,” Sam gently put a hand on his shoulder, reaching from the desk behind his.

“Sam? Tucker?” Danny asked, looking around trying to find them.

“Hey, Danny man it’s us. Are you doing okay?” Tucker asked, trying to give signs to Lancer to ignore them and keep teaching, but of course, the man wouldn’t listen.

“Mom and dad he- I,” Danny’s voice stopped.

“Hey what happened bro?” Tucker spoke as softly as Sam.

“It’s my fault. They're gone because of me. I wasn't good enough,” Danny whispered so quietly that almost no one heard it.

“Danny your parents are okay. It was only a dream,” Sam promised.

“It’s an ever-growing path. What about Dani and Jazz?” Danny asked, the green still forming in his eyes, it was getting softer the longer he was awake.

“No, Danny. Everyone is okay. Clockwork has been watching. He would stop it before anything bad happened,” Tucker promised.

“You need to stop blaming yourself for things that haven’t happened yet,” Sam told him as she pet his hair, helping calm the boy.

With a look towards Tucker, she grabbed Danny’s bag and bought out a small bottle. “Here Danny drink this. Frostbite said it’ll make the dreams better. If it doesn’t work we’ll try something else,” Sam gently ordered as she helped Danny drink, the boy lay his head back on the desk, passing out almost instantly.

“What the fuck?” Kwan asked as Lancer turned on him.

“Watch your language, Kwan. I’m not afraid of handing out detentions to you for offensive language. Ms. Manson, what did you give Mr. Fenton?” Lancer asked.

“A drink that his doctor made. Should soothe the nightmares and help him sleep more peacefully. If you wouldn’t mind we would greatly like to get back to class,” Tucker answered for her, glaring at anyone who even looked at Danny.

Agreeing with his students he quickly finished class. This was further proof to Casper High that Danny Fenton was not a normal high schooler.

After class Danny was still asleep as Sam and Tucker walked up to Lancer’s desk.

“You promised an explanation?” Lancer prompted.

“We can’t give you the full thing unless Danny is awake and agrees to tell you, but Danny has some friends, and they're great people, but he got in trouble with some bad people, and a while ago they threatened to hurt his family. Danny’s friends helped stop the bad people but Danny sometimes wakes up with vivid nightmares and he can’t tell fantasy from reality,” Tucker told him.

“And this doctor? Will I find him if I talk to Mr. Fenton’s parents?” Lancer asked.

“He’s not a normal doctor. Danny has ecto radiation, more than his sister so this was a special doctor that he found without telling his parents. When Danny goes to a doctor their meds no longer work so he brings them to his specialist doctor and he alters them with ecto science to make them work. Danny’s parents while good at inventions, their not good at everything ecto. It’s why he goes to him,” Sam was quick on the draw.

“Alright, I won’t call his parents to discuss this class period, but I’m only letting this pass once. I’ll write him a sick letter for his next two classes they can talk to me if their wonder where Danny is. Drop him off at the nurse’s office, just make sure he’s up for his test. Would hate for all that studying to go to waste,” Lancer said as he wrote them a note, the two students sharing shocked looks at each other.

“I know it may not always look like it, but we adults are here to help. Maybe it would do all three of you some good to put a little bit of faith in us,” Lancer told them as he handed them the notes, letting them exit the classroom with Danny on Tucker’s back, Sam holding his bags.

Those three. One day I’ll figure out their mystery Lancer thought to himself as he watched the two leave the classroom, letting his new class of freshmen enter.

[stainedglassthreads]

One thing that I occasionally think about, that I don’t hear many people talk about, is how pretty much every problem in Undertale was either caused or intensified by a character trying too hard to please everyone around them, or to avoid being confrontational. And it’s only when you push all the characters into direct conflict, that they start realizing what they were doing wrong and making an effort to correct their mistakes. (With probably the sole exception being Mettaton. May be why he comes off as being so selfish, despite being just as nuanced as the rest of the cast if you look in the right places.)

This all starts with Chara and Asriel, as always. Chara, who wants to kill themself so they can collect seven monster souls and free monsterkind, and Asriel, who needs to save his people, make his best friend happy, and who has trouble telling them ‘no, I don’t like this plan’ until it’s much too late. This results in both their deaths, causing heartbreak for the whole Underground, including their parents. 

Toriel and Asgore become the next two to fall victim for this. Asgore decides to put his people over his own desires, and this will in the future lead to suicidal depression. It also leads Toriel to put her morals and the safety of humans over monsterkind’s happiness. But despite them both unselfishly putting others above themselves, they both fail at really making said others happy. 

Asgore could have sped up the plan by a lot. He could have done what Chara and Asriel did. Or he could have identified the places humans fell from and set up guards there. He could have been more in touch with his people, so he wasn’t so surprised when another human entered his throne room. He could have struck Frisk down on the spot, instead of telling them to finish their unfinished business. He really, really, really doesn’t want war with humans, but he’s unwilling to kill his people’s hope for vengeance. He traps himself between a rock and a hard place, and prolongs everyone’s entrapment, while worsening his guilt and depression. 

Toriel could have stayed longer to convince Asgore. She could have accompanied the first child to fall, or demanded explanations from him after she heard of their death. She could have destroyed the exit to the Ruins the second a child fell to stop them from leaving, or explained the dangers of the outside to them in full detail. She could have killed Asgore so he didn’t kill her child, or forcibly overthrown him to instate more pacifistic policies. But she didn’t. She remained in the Ruins, and allowed six souls to be captured by the Royal Guard, and was a complete mess so long as she had no one to put herself back together for. 

Similar things could be said of other characters. Alphys was unwilling to let the Amalgamates’ family see them in their current state, so she hid them away, and stalled and lied to their families. Papyrus lets his desire for friends and popularity briefly override his morals. He refuses to kill you, but knows letting Undyne or Asgore capture you is just as good as killing you. Undyne is unwilling to decisively give Papyrus a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ about if he’s allowed into the Royal Guard or not, and ends up leading him on as a result. Sans will passively watch you kill half the Underground, and the worst he’ll do is judge you for it. 

It makes it quite ironic that Frisk going around, solving everyone else’s problems, is what leads to the happiest ending for the Underground... 

...

...Or does it...? 

On a very superficial surface reading of the game, Pacifist really is going above and beyond to help a bunch of strangers. And Frisk is difficult to read as a protagonist, for much of the game. But they actually do make their initial motivation quite clear. 

When they decide to leave the Ruins, their reasoning for doing so is not ‘I want to free monsterkind,’ or ‘I want to break the Barrier.’ It’s ‘How do I go home.’ The plight of the monsters is a problem, to be sure. But it’s a massive problem that they probably weren’t aware of until a few hours ago, when they fell down a  hole in a mountainside that people don’t come back from. They’re just a kid, who felt the need to go to such a place. This is way above anything they can reasonably be expected to to deal with. They just want to go home. 

But going home forces everyone around them to express their own desires, and realize what it is they really want, causing them to undergo character development. Toriel is forced to confront her fears of Frisk dying, of Asgore getting the seventh soul, and of confronting Asgore. Papyrus realizes he just wants a friend, not fame and prestige, and not at the cost of Frisk being captured. Undyne is forced to realize that not all humans are quite so bad, and some are similar to her mentor. Alphys realizes that coming clean about the Amalgamates is okay, because Undyne will support her through the fallout. Mettaton realizes how much monsters need him, as opposed to humans who have plenty of stars. And Asgore is forced to confront how he doesn’t really want the war-- he just wants to see his wife and children. 

Frisk is a good person in the Pacifist run, but they’re not completely unselfish. If they were only a pure martyr with no regard for their wellbeing, they’d stay with Toriel and be her child forever, or give their soul willingly to Asgore so monsters could go free. They didn’t, though. The former would result in monsters being trapped for an even longer period of time, the latter would end in the destruction of either humanity or monsterkind. (Not to mention, how Pacifist only requires you not kill. You can still be kinda a jerk to everyone. They were upfront about their desires, but also refused to kill unless it was absolutely, 100% necessary. 

Over the course of the game, they do change a little. First, they tell Toriel they can’t stay with her because they want to go home. Then in the Asriel boss fight, they can tell her that they need to go if they’re going to save everyone. But it’s as Toriel herself says. 

What?  Frisk...  You really are a funny child.  If you had said that earlier, none of this would have happened.  It is a good thing you took so long to change your mind.  Hee hee hee. 

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x9 thoughts

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore Coach Beard; he’s one of my favorite characters on the show, and he’s so well-written and well-acted that somehow I tend to be both perfectly satisfied with the details we see and truly curious to understand more about the way he thinks, what’s really happening re: his professional and personal devotion to Ted, where he comes from and where he’s going. I don’t need to know his name beyond the name he wants to be called, but I want to know why we don’t have any other names for him. And I don’t need him to be a bigger focal point of every episode, but I very much needed this episode’s world-exploding reminder that every single character on this show has a rich inner life, full of joys and troubles.

“Beard After Hours” is like a movie, but one that scatters its climaxes and puts off its resolutions...because it’s not a movie. It’s episode nine of a twelve-episode season of TV. When the episode ended, I felt this almost frantic “But he needed to break up with Jane for good before the end of the episode!” feeling. I was so pulled in by the idea of being able to tell an entire story in one night, of going on an odyssey alongside a complicated hero, that watching Beard and Jane find each other in that club felt as intense as the fact that we don’t know if Ted responded to Rebecca’s voicemail and we don’t know what’s going to happen with Rebecca and Sam and we don’t know who isn’t getting married and who is having a funeral in 2x10 (I mean, I have my strong suspicions, but still!) and we don’t know if Richmond will be promoted back to the Premier League. And on and on. I didn’t mind feeling desperate for the story to resolve even though I understood after thinking about it for ten seconds that of course it couldn’t resolve yet. Or ever. Or yet.

I’m a big fan of the TL episode recaps/reviews Linda Holmes writes for NPR, and I have to quote something from this week’s directly because it so perfectly explains my feelings:

The power of the scene where Beard dances in the club isn't that it's a beautiful romantic climax. It's that it's an explanation of why he cannot seem to extricate himself from this bad relationship. What makes the worst relationships so dangerous is that they have elements that feel good that are very hard to get elsewhere. Beard knows that; he tells it to God. What's concerning isn't that Jane makes the world seem more interesting; what's concerning is she's the only thing that does. That doesn't take away from the joy of the dancing; it just tells you that even happiness is complicated.

I love Holmes’ perspective here so much, because it articulates something I was struggling to figure out: how it can feel so legitimate, like such a (temporary but nonetheless powerful) relief, for Beard to find Jane in that club and to have this moment of euphoria as his night nears an end. How it is possible to experience that relief on behalf of a character while fervently wishing it could end differently, because it’s so clear from the abusive text messages and the toxic calls and the manipulative interactions that Jane is terrible to him and they’re terrible for each other. But Beard knows this. He knows it when he hugs Higgins in the parking lot after Higgins is honest with him in a way Ted and Rebecca and Keeley have not learned how to be, and he knows it when part of his prayer includes the clear articulation that Jane isn’t the cure for what “ails me.” He’s inching closer to greater self-knowledge just as Ted is.

And the two big resolutions that really, really needed to happen did. I didn’t know I needed Paul, Baz, and Jeremy to get to wrap up their own night out on the pitch at Nelson Road, but I did. It brought actual tears to my eyes. And the other resolution was Beard showing up with the other coaches’ coffees for their meeting to watch the game film. As interesting as it would have been to see what Ted would have done if Beard hadn’t shown up, I’m so, so glad that he did. He’s got a messed-up face and some truly epic pants on, but otherwise this is just Beard showing up for work, showing up for his friends. It was incredible to realize that Beard and Ted haven’t been exaggerating when they’ve referred to his sex-and-drug proclivities in the past. The night documented in 2x9 might have been particularly scary and violent and euphoric and awful and meaningful, but this type of all-night adventure isn’t a foreign concept for this guy. In all the other episodes of this show, when we see Beard we’re seeing someone who might have been out all night, who might have spent the hours the sun was down desperately pushing himself closer to whatever edges he could find.

I don’t really want to touch upon all the allusions in this episode. They are abundant, they are well-documented, and also I haven’t even seen the movie After Hours. I enjoyed this episode for its allusive qualities and I enjoyed this episode for what it was and I feel like I have to be at peace with the fact that I’m never going to pick up on every single reference on this show and that is okay.

So, yeah, if this entry on my tumblr dot com blog seems remarkably devoid of references and allusions, it’s not because I’m not into it but because I find it too overwhelming to actually write about.

Very into the Misplaced and Discovered box at the Crown and Anchor. (That’s what Mae wrote on the Lost and Found box at the pub, right? Whatever it is, it’s so funny.)

Beard hallucinating Thierry Henry and Gary Lineker was truly upsetting and a great indicator not only of how broken things are between the Richmond coaching staff right now but also how deep Beard’s self-loathing might go. If you’d asked me before Thursday if I thought Beard loathed himself, I would say no. That deepening of knowledge alone makes 2x9 worth it.

James Tartt and his friends in the alley. Such a nightmare. I go back and forth on how much of the night was real, and part of me has decided all of it is, short of the images of Henry and Lineker. (And even that is real to the extent that it was a way of articulating what was in Beard’s head.) But watching Beard in physical danger brought on by the same abuser who had him so upset in the first place. It was a lot.

I’m so excited that Paul and Jeremy and Baz got some spotlight this episode. It was so wonderful to see them out of the pub. I love that they ended up telling the Oxford snots who they really were. They got to see Beard going to bat for them and smoothing over the situation socially, and that actually made it more possible for them to end up being truthful about themselves. Because they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they deserved the magic of that night. (And for it to end on Nelson Road. Every feeling. Oof.)

I feel like I barely have anything to say about the trouser-mending lady or the many places Beard goes or his key-dropping or the nightmarish feeling of wanting to be home and being unable to be home. It all happened and we all watched it and again, it was a lot. But I do feel incredibly moved and fascinated by the fact that Beard very obviously still hasn’t been home when he brings in the coffee. He’s had to sleep at the club for Jane- and key-related reasons in the past, and this time it’s not that he’s slept there but it still feels like a kind of homecoming he was robbed of for the entire night. Ted and Roy and Nate are there. He’s gotten their coffee orders correct. Ted is growing and evolving (he wants to learn from what’s happened, he’s insisting upon it even when the others resist) but he’s done a really perfect (almost romantic in its loveliness) thing by presumably spending his evening following a breakdown of his own speeding up the game film to 10x speed and adding Benny Hill. Ted is not OK and Beard is not OK and Nate is not OK and Roy is pretty OK but could very easily be not OK because he’s just joined a coaching staff with a whole lot of not OK. But they all showed up.

I am very into the realism of the lights being off in the club other than the coaches’ office (@talldecafcappuccino pointed this out!), and the way we’re seeing their desks from a different angle because this episode is unfocused on Ted. It really added to the mindset of being hungover and exhausted and unable to go home or even to know exactly what home should be; even this warm, familiar place feels off even as it’s a relief to be back there.

I am excited to return to our regularly scheduled programming with the full cast of characters, but I really adored this episode for what it taught us about Beard and what it illuminated about the humor, pain, and complexity of each person who inhabits this universe. Beard may not be loud about his long-standing beliefs or about the things he’s learned, but there’s a lot happening in there and I appreciated getting to spend 43 minutes with him and (in the case of the ticket he scrawls on a piece of paper so the pub guys can get into Nelson Road) the moments he sets in motion.

[leahblackk]

Lies pt.2

(The gif is not mine. Whoever made this thank you so much and I’m sorry)

Summary: Spencer wants to apologize and explain everything to Y/n, but will she let him?

Type: Angst

Hey!! Look, I wanted to make just two parts and that's it, but while I was writing it more ideas came to my mind. Anyways, enjoy!

People who asked me to tagg them; @rexorangecouny and @b-a-utiful​

Pt.1

Pt.3

. . .

Y/n stared at, what seems now, a really awful and boring white wall in front of her. Blanky and space out from reality.

When she stepped into the bullpen with Emily Johnson, everyone stared at her in shock, but at that moment, she thought that was because of the fact that her boyfriend cheat on her with a criminal, an unsub until she looked at her left and let a sigh out of her lips. After all, it wasn't because of what had happened. It was because of the girl by her side.

They approached her and asked her questions. She gave them answers without the minor detail of what really happened with Cat. The one people said she didn't need to worry about. But they were wrong, so was she.

Hotch called the Johnsons, and they were happy, thanking Y/n for her act of bravery.

Her coworkers noticed her odd behaviour; after all, it was a room full of profilers, yet they didn't ask her what was wrong, maybe because they didn't want to push her to talk.

Y/n was thinking.

How was she supposed to move forward after what has happened in the last hour?

How was she going to "get over it" and move on?

Not after all the desires and dreams, she had with Spencer. The one she thought was the love of her life, the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life—the one she loved.

The one who had her hands on Cat's hair, kissing her like he was in love with her, kissing her in the way he kissed her.

They used to have a beautiful relationship, even before they started dating. Y/n had found a best friend and a lover in Spencer's embrace.

She thought about all those nights when they watched Star Wars and discussed the storyline. When they watched Harry Potter and agreed, they both belonged in the Ravenclaw house, and they also were Hufflepuff and a little bit of Slytherin, and they definitely hated Umbridge.

And those nights were they cuddle up in bed, whispering in each other's ear how much they loved each thing of them and how much they loved each other, how important they were and how happy they were because they found each other.

God, they even shared an apartment.

Now she was there, thinking about Spencer, her Spencer or the one she thought was hers.

Y/n was forced to get out of her memories and mind when her coworkers approached the man she was just thinking about. Her heart hurt just to see him.

She wiped the tears in her cheeks and looked at him.

Spencer gave his coworkers polite smiles, trying to focus on the only thing he wanted, Y/n.

His eyes looked over the bullpen, trying to find his girl so he could go and tried to explain himself to her, even when he knew it was going to be difficult because she was very proud, just like him.

Then his hazel eyes land on her. She looked away from her boyfriend, not so boyfriend. His world stops. She looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful.

But then he noticed her red eyes, and then he knew. She has been crying.

He would go over her ignoring everything else, not caring about anyone but her, hugging her, asking her why she was upset, and trying to make things better. But he couldn't, because the reason she was crying was his fault.

She looked at him hurt. And then she stood from her chair and took her purse. Ready to leave.

Spencer panicked, watching her walk in front of him. Spencer starts walking.

"Y/n," He said, but she didn't stop. "Y/n please" now tears were in his eyes, taking her elbow.

"Spencer, please let me go," She whispered. Her voice cracking at the immense pain she was feeling, hoping that Spencer would let her go to their house and packed everything so she could leave him.

She didn't dare to look at him. She knew she wasn't that strong. And how could she? When she was feeling sad, and like the world was on her shoulders, Spencer was the one who comforts her. But what happened when he was the reason she felt that way?

"Let me- Just please let me explain." He begged.

"Let you explain what?" She finally looked at him with anger and sadness. "The way you dared to kiss her when you told me how much you hate her? When I was the one who comforts you when you were sad about all the things she did to you? Do you want to narrate to me word by word how well you enjoy that kiss while I was in fucking front of you?" Even though everyone stared at them, they didn't know why they were arguing because she wasn't yelling even when she wanted to, neither did he. They were the only ones who knew what was happening.

"No, I want to explain why I did what I did."

"Spencer, please" Y/n looked at him in disbelief. "There's no other reason. I think it is pretty obvious. You didn't had the guts to tell me you didn't love me anymore. You didn't tell me that you were lying all those times when you told me that you loved me and you wanted to be with me."

"I never lied. I love you, but you didn't tell me either about the letters she was sending you. So I guess you weren't honest."

Y/n chuckled in disbelief. "You know why I didn't tell you about those letters?" Spencer nodded. "I didn't tell you because I thought It was nothing. You were there with so many problems and those horrible migraines that I didn't want to add more. I cared about you."

Spencer's eyes soften at her words. "But I don't care about anything about that, Y/n. You are my girl. You are my entire world. I want to be there for you, even if I am not so well because you are always there for me. I want to help you, doesn't matter what."

"I was." She said.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I was your girl. We are over."

. . .

After the fight they had, Y/n turned off her phone because people called her, asked her what happened. She didn't have the energies to answer those calls.

She just left, now, Spencer's apartment with her belongings. She didn't want to bother anyone and answer their questions about what happened. She could have stayed at Emily's or Penelopes, but she didn't want to.

So she turned to her old house. It was cold and lonely, maybe because she felt that way.

Y/n had bought a house when she came into Virginia. When Spencer and her started dating, Spencer decided that it was better to stay in his place because it had a better view. It wasn't that cold like hers and, in Spencer's words, was cooler than hers.

But she didn't put her house in sale, maybe because a part of her knew something like this could happen, and she never liked to stay at her friend's house for too long.

She sat in her old coach and took her phone out of her purse. She turned it on, feeling the light way too bright on her face.

The phone started getting all the notifications, all the messages, and all those missed phone calls.

The first one she answered was Penelope. She knew she would freak out because she wasn't responding.

Y/n didn't say anything more than she was okay, repeating the same answer to all of her friends.

She listened to her voicemails: her friends and four of Spencer.

Y/n bit inside her cheek, thinking if it was a good idea to listen to it, but before it was too late, she did.

"Hey, darling. My angel, I really don't know if I can call you like that anymore, but you are always going to be my angel. You obviously know who I am, and I also know you don't want to talk to me, but I think this is important, and-"

"Sorry, my last voicemail got cut. I was saying that I am really sorry Y/n, you don't even have an idea" His voice broke. "I-I got home right now, and you are not here. I wasn't expecting you to be either, but-"

"You're not here, and your things either. You left a sweater though. The white you- your favourite. The one you always put on even if it doesn't match with your outfit because you say it is comfy. And, it smells just like you-"

"I know I messed things up. I swear I have a reason and an explanation for all of this, but please come back. Come back to me because I don't think I can't live without you. I can't stay in this empty cold house. Remember when I told you to come to my home because yours was colder? It was because you were here. Every time you are in my home, it gets warmer and feels like home because home is not home if you are not here with me. I love you, please, never forget th-"

Tears came down her cheeks. All those emotions she was avoiding were out now. She felt pressure in her chest. I felt like the reality hit her hard. She was feeling alone, she was cold, and she needed him yet she knows it is not correct.

Her phone started ringing; Hotch.

She tried to calm herself down. Breathing in and out.

"Hey, Hotch, what's up?"

"You don't have to pretend when you are around me, Y/n," He said.

Hotch knew her very well. He was like a father to her, and Y/n like a daughter to him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I-I Hotch I- I really don't want to talk about that."

"You don't have to, but please don't pull away just because of the way you are feeling. I know it is your way to defend yourself from the world, but today you got us pretty worried. You know we live in a world where there are not so good people, and we thought. I thought something had happened."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention. I swear, I just needed my time alone."

"That's okay, but next time let us know, and I will tell you that I'm here for you, always. You are not alone."

"Thank you, Hotch. It means the world to me."

"Any time, kid."

. . .

After she took a bath and ate her dinner, it seems like she was doing everything on pilot, and maybe that was the truth, but she didn't know what to do.

She sighs and sits in her coach. She couldn't sleep.

Her phone buzzed next to her. Confused, she took it and saw who was calling her; Hotch.

She frowned and answered it. Y/n didn't have enough time to greet her boss when he was already talking. "Did Spencer call you?" He asked. Concerned?

"Yeah, he did, but-"

"Did he tell you to come to the office?"

"No, it was for other reasons. Why?"

"You need to come. Right now."

"Why? Is everything okay?"

"We have a case."

. . .

Y/n drove fast to the Bau, concerned about what Hotch just told her. She parked her car and took her purse out of the vehicle. She saw JJ just got out of her car as well.

"Do you know what is going on?" The blonde one asked.

"No, I thought you did.

Both confused women walked inside. Everyone was there.

"What it is, Hotch?" JJ asked and took a seat next to Emily. Y/n sat next to Penelope, far away from Spencer, who was looking at her in pain. Derek sat in the chair next to him, the one he saved for her, having hope she would take it.

"Spencer," Aaron said, giving the word to the young doctor. Spencer stood up and walked in front of everyone, where JJ usually briefed the team. Giving Y/n a quick look, but she was busy playing with her rings. A little hope grew in him when he saw she was still wearing his.

"I received a strange call today after I-I left Cat in jail. The voice said that my mom was in danger and that I need to protect her, so I brought her here. Hoping I can take care of her while we find the person who wants to harm her."

Y/n knew Diana Reid. She was a beautiful woman, and Y/n loved her. Besides what happened to her and Reid, she felt sorry for him. She wanted to help him.

Reid got out of the conference room and returned one minute after with her mom, who was shy at first, but she smiled when her eyes found Y/n.

"Y/n, it is so lovely to see you. Please come to say hi. I've missed you." Y/n smiled and stood up from her chair and hugged the woman. Spencer smiled at the encounter between the two women he loves the most. "How are you, darling? Look at you. You look absolutely stunning. How is my Spencer treating you?"

She looks over to Spencer, and he just looks at the ground. "I-I'm okay, and everything is okay." She lied.

"Oh darling, I'm glad."

"Mom, I think we have to start working. Do you mind waiting for me?"

She nodded. "Yeah, can I come back to your boss's office?"

"Yeah, please. Follow me." Hotch said, walking with Diana to his office.

Y/n walked where she was before, and Spencer followed her and stood in front of everyone. "Pretty boy, tell us how we can help," Morgan said.

"I-I actually think that we have to take this as a usual case. The profiling an-and everything, but Hotch said that we need to keep eyes close to my mom, and she doesn't trust the agents around, she has to be with someone she has spend time with and, I can't be with her because I need things to do, so-"Spencer looked at Y/n hoping she can understand what he was saying. Everyone looked at her, but she was looking at the ground until she heard nothing but silence.

"Pretty girl, that's your call." Morgan teased.

"Oh yeah, of course."

. . .

After everyone was brief, Hotch came back and told everyone what to do. Y/n had to keep Spencer's mom company and work with the profiling. Everyone was leaving to do their duties, but Y/n and Spencer were the last in the room. Not on purpose, of course.

When Y/n was exiting, Spencer took her wrist. She turned around to look at him with a severe face, and Spencer felt nervous. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk with me, but I really appreciate what you are doing for me after all that has happened between us and-"

"Doctor Reid, I'm not doing this for you if that's what you’re thinking. I'm doing this for her, even though you don't deserve anything from me, and how I said, is for her. She's an amazing woman, and she doesn't deserve any of this, so please don't confuse things. If you excuse me, I have things to do." And with that, she left. Leaving the young doctor with the words in his mouth and with a hurt heart.

Y/n walked the short path to Hotch's office and opened the door. Diana was looking over the window. She turned around and looked at Y/n.

"It seems like we have a girl's day." She said, and Diana smiled.

. . .

Y/n spent almost the whole day with Diana Reid. It was now three in the afternoon. She already delivered the profile but still hasn't got a clue of who the person might be.

Spencer was getting desperate, but every time she saw her mom tried to look the calmest he could. Y/n always exited the room every time he did so.

Diana thought it was to give them space, but they didn't look in love as always. At least Y/n didn't. Spencer always looked at her in that way, trying to capture her attention, but he failed.

She didn't make any comments, but the last time Spencer came into the office, she couldn't stand that anymore. "There's something going on with you and Spencer?" The question took the doctor in surprise.

"Um, no. Everything is okay."

"Darling, you are not a very good liar when it comes to Spencer. What is going on?"

Y/n knew Spencer didn't deserve anything, but she couldn't bring herself to tell his mom the truth. "I don't know. It was just a fight we had earlier. Nothing to worry about."

"I see. I know Spencer can be a little bit of an idiot for being a genius, you know? He never loved anyone in the way he loves you. You are his very first girlfriend. He didn't even talk about any women until he met you, and he couldn't stop talking about you over and over again. I knew you were pretty special, and I know Spencer can sometimes be challenging. I mean, he's a man, after all. What do you expect?" Y/n chuckled. "But I do know that man loves you, and whatever that happened, it has its fix."

So Spencer didn’t told his mom about Maeve?

Y/n wanted to believe her. She tried to think it would be a way to fix things and everything could go back to normal, but she also knew something of its magnitude would be difficult.

"Hey, how are we going here?" Spencer asked. "Y/n um, they need you outside."

"It was fun to talk to you, Diana. I'll see you later."

"Thanks for spending the day with me."

"It was my pleasure." Y/n smiled, and without looking at Spencer, she exited the room.

She walked downstairs where everyone was. "Y/n, Hotch wants you to go where he's right now. The police said they have a witness. Morgan and Prentiss are over there right now." JJ informed.

Y/n nod feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. She took her purse that was on her desk and walked out.

Y/n walked through the parking lot until she found her car and unlocked it. She sat in, closed the door and put her purse in the other seat. When she was about to start the car, someone knocked on her window.

.  . .

"Y/n told me you two had troubles." Her mom said. Spencer looked at her with panic in his eyes. "Don't worry. She's too loyal to tell me what you did wrong. But you have to understand she's an amazing woman, and there's no one like her in the world. Besides, she's the only one I like for you. "Spencer lightly laughed and nodded.

"I know, mom. I messed it up." He looked at her with watery eyes.

"Oh hun, come here." She hugged him. "I know it is hard, but I do know she loves you. You should talk to her and tell her how much you love her and that you don't want to lose her. Go, now."

Spencer felt encouraged and walked out of the room, going downstairs where JJ, Emily, Morgan, and Hotch were. No sign of Y/n. He frowned.

"What is going on?" He asked.

"Spence," JJ started talking.

"Don't "Spence" me. What is going on?”

“Y/n got kidnapped.”

[exclamaquest]

It's come to my attention there's a few posts circulating around about me. I'd really appreciate it if people took the time to read this before blindly believing unsubstantiated claims made against me by people who were mad at me in the past for unrelated issues.

My ask box and DMs are open, and I'm more than willing to answer any questions and take any feedback anyone may have!

First, I admit I was wrong to post hate in the tags. I am sorry, and I shouldn't have done that. I removed the tag a while ago, but I should have made the apology beforehand. Again, I should not have done that, I will not do it in the future, and I'm sorry.

Now, onto the posts. These are just two of them.

Again, my inbox and DMs are open if anyone has any questions or wants any more clarification. I'm more than happy to explain anything I've said in further detail, or to answer any questions.

I'd like to make it clear that i'm by no means "playing the victim", nor did I ever make an "insensitive joke". Nothing I said was a joke. I'm more than willing to share screenshots (see below the cut) of what happened and elaborate on my opinions so that people can draw their own conclusions, and I will at the end of this post.

What I said was that Shinguuji was never canonically abused and that I was uncomfortable with the implication Miu is into incest. i respect that people have different opinions and interpretations of his character, but it's shitty to equate me saying i'm uncomfortable with the implication that miu is ALSO into incest by comparing her with korekiyo with me supporting it.

i'd heavily suggest people re-read his free time events. Again, Korekiyo was at no point canonically abused. It's not me "being shitty" or "playing the victim" to say that. I've posted a longer explanation here.

Again, I'm not saying any conflicting interpretations are bad. We really don't have a whole lot of evidence either way! However, it's wrong to act like he was canonically abused by his sister and to force that perception onto others and delete the takes you disagree with.

WRT the kink thing: Kinks do not have to be moral or healthy. The word is a neutral descriptor for something someone is into. There are plenty of immoral kinks, and plenty of kinks that are EXTREMELY unhealthy to feed into. Korekiyo is into incest. That is a fact. It is not a moral kink. In fact, it is disgusting and genuinely reprehensible. It's something that needs professional help. I do not condone it by any means. I do not support it. However, that does not stop it from being a kink. I also never "equat[ed] his abuse with a kink" because again, I don't think he was canonically abused to the fanon degree. (Which, again, is not backed up in canon. While the interpretation is valid, I was discussing specifically canon.)

HERE IS THE POST EXPLAINING MY TAKE ON KOREKIYO IN MORE DETAIL.

Also, I do not "cancel people for no reason". I'd love to see an example of that, as I try to back up any claims I make with sources and explanations so there is no confusion. However, I assume OP is referring to my H/ttey post. That was made to raise awareness of the bigotry in his art that he refused repeatedly to correct. Unlike these posts, there were screenshots and links to back up what I said.

I am not a bully, and i am always open to feedback on my actions and on how to improve. I'll drop all the screenshots I have here at the end of the section under the cut and people can make up their own minds.

SCREENSHOTS

I recognize that I did not phrase things as well as I could have, especially the last thing I said (While it is not an excuse by any means, I was in a very emotional state by my abuse being denied just because I have a different opinion than the majority fanon). I take full accountability for that. However, please note me getting banned directly after saying I was dropping the topic (of Korekiyo) for calling the mod out on their misuse of mod powers to shut down takes they disagree with.

THEIR RESPONSE IN ANOTHER SERVER

[karajaynetoday]

i'll be honest, it's better off this way | luke hemmings

image credit 

hello pals! long time no writing! i know it seems a bit weird to post a luke break up fic just after he got engaged but to be fair, I already had this in the works before the news broke yesterday, so soz not soz. It is kind of a happy break up story though... kind of? this one features lyrics from our song by niall and anne marie that are in italics throughout the piece (you know i love a song lyric incorporation lol) and i’m a bit rusty, so any feedback is welcome! a big shoutout to my dearest @notinthesameguey​ for beta-reading this one for me, you’re a gem blanca! enjoy xo

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings:  mentions of a break up and a car accident/hospitalisation (minor/non-graphic)

(This is a fem reader insert)

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

I'll be honest, I'm alright with me

Sunday mornings, in my own bedsheets

The break up with Luke had been easier than you’d first thought. It’d been months of growing apart, feeling like a stranger in your own home, before you finally worked up the nerve to utter those four words: We need to talk. He’d been spending most days and some nights in the studio, and you’d been working overtime at your job too; you were ships in the night who barely had time to say hello and goodbye, let alone have any sort of proper conversation. You’d spent an entire evening rehearsing a script in your head, and as soon as Luke walked through the door and greeted Petunia, you mustered the courage to stand up and speak your truth. 

It turned out that you weren’t alone in feeling stagnant in your relationship, and although you could feel your heart breaking as you said the words, Luke’s hand on your knee was all the gentle reassurance you needed. Just like always, even when your relationship was falling apart, Luke was there for you. And that’s what he promised, that night in the living room. It didn’t make sense for you two to become strangers overnight after 3 years together, but you also both knew that you needed space to grow and heal, and that space needed to happen sooner rather than later. 

You could tell that part of Luke wanted to fight it, wanted to raise his voice, wanted to convince you to stay. But part of Luke also knew that it was time to walk away, no matter how much his heart was feeling like it was being ripped out of his chest, because he did truly love you, and if he loved you, he’d let you go. 

Even though Luke insisted you could stay in the spare room for as long as you liked, it only took a week or so to find a new place. An apartment in KayKay’s building opened up for rent, and thanks to her help, you secured the lease and started moving in as soon as you could. Ashton accompanied you to Ikea and then helped with assembling a new bed and dining table for you, while KayKay helped unpack some of your boxes. You could tell that they were trying to be sensitive, but at the same time were desperate to know what went down in the break up, and after a few slices of pizza and half a bottle of wine, you felt the emotions rushing to the surface.

“It feels dumb to get upset, after all, I was the one who suggested we should break up.” You sniffled, smiling sadly as Ashton handed you a tissue.

“Just because it was something that needed to happen, doesn’t mean you can’t be sad about it. You two shared a lot in the time you were together, it’s only natural that it’s going to take you a while to untangle yourselves from one another and to get your head and heart back on the path that’s right for you.” KayKay spoke softly, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

You knew she was right, and the healing would come; it was all part of the rollercoaster of walking away from someone you thought was the love of your life, but had turned out not to be. Time to adjust and find some independence, and re-shape the life you found yourself in until it was the life you wanted. 

But every time I think that I can get you out my head, you never, ever let me forget

Once you’d completely moved out Luke’s house, your reasons to contact him became few and far between. A few occasional texts to advise that he’d let his family know about your split, and a link to a new cafe nearby that he thought was your kind of vibe (and it absolutely was). Everyone in your friendship group was trying their best to help you both cope, but it was hard to avoid the awkwardness that came with a break up of close friends.  

You felt like you were walking on eggshells for a while, so you started to say no to invitations out. You threw yourself into a new work project, and barely replied to any group chats. Whenever your friends called, you had the perfect script rehearsed, about how you were going to be up for promotion, and after the next month or so, you’d have plenty more time for catching up with everyone. You were fairly certain that no-one believed your story, but you were sticking to it nonetheless. You’d seen photos online of Luke out and about with various beautiful women amongst the partying crew, and even though you knew better than to torture yourself with doom-scrolling through the internet, you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep reminding yourself that it was YOU that wanted the breakup, and that it was for the best. Or something like that.

It was coming to the end of your big project, and the entire office decided to head out for celebratory drinks. You only stayed for a couple, because after a month of overtime you were ready for bed. Your boss took you aside to assure you that the promotion was yours and the new contract would be on your desk on Monday, and as you reassured him you were excited to take on the role, a song playing over the bar’s speakers made you stop in your tracks. You’d spent many a Sunday morning dancing around the kitchen making pancakes with Luke and singing these words; something you’d completely forgotten until this moment. As you stepped outside to await your Uber, the first person you wanted to call with the news was Luke. Your fingers hovered over his name for a good few minutes before your Uber driver honked and broke you out of her trance, and you settled for texting the group chat instead to share your exciting update. Lots of confetti and heart eyes emojis started popping up alongside congratulatory messages, and you let out a giggle when you saw that Luke had sent a photo of Petunia with “congrats!” scrawled across it in purple font. It was the last thing you remembered, before the squealing of tyres and your vision going black. 

Just when I think you're gone, Hear our song on the radio

Just like that, takes me back, To the places we used to go

The rhythmic beeping of the hospital monitors was the first thing you noticed as you stirred awake. The second was a dull pain across your skull, and the third was that your arm was in a sling. Fourth was the large, warm hand that was holding your own and gently squeezing; without opening your eyes, you knew it was Luke’s. You felt too weak to say any words, so instead you tried your best to squeeze back as you slowly opened your eyes. You heard a sharp intake of breath, before Luke’s smiling face came into view.

“Hey there, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” Luke asked, reaching up to gently brush some hair out of your eyes.

“Like I was in a car accident.” You managed to croak out, shooting him a wry smile and earning a laugh in return.

“You are correct, you can pass go, and collect $200. A pretty gnarly accident, the car’s a write-off, but thankfully everyone’s injuries are relatively minor. Some dickhead ran a red light.” You could tell Luke was trying to remain calm, but under the surface he was pissed.

“Not ideal, but at least I get a few days off work.” You joked, grimacing as you tried to sit up. Luke stood and gently maneuvered your pillows to support your back and shoulders better, and you felt a zap of electricity as his hands brushed your arms in passing.

As Luke sat back in the chair next to the bed, you suddenly realised that it was just the two of you in the hospital room. 

“No offence, Hemmo, but what are you doing here? Considering we’re no longer significant others, and all…” You said awkwardly, looking down at your arm sling with sudden great interest.

“Very observant, dear. Glad to see the concussion hasn’t affected your short term memory, I was worried you’d forget me entirely. You did, however, forget to update your emergency contact details, so I guess I was first on the list for the hospital to call. Ash, KayKay and I have been taking shifts but they’re out getting food right now - “ The rest of Luke’s explanation was cut off by a gasp and a cheer at the door, signalling Ashton and KayKay’s return and subsequent delight at you being awake.

The days that followed were uncomfortable physically, but kind of heartwarming emotionally. You got home to your apartment thanks to KayKay’s assistance, and found that your friends had stocked your fridge and freezer full of ready-made meals and your favourite snacks. They’d also made a roster so not a day went by without someone popping in to check on you, although you noticed that Luke never came by. 

Your recovery was slow but steady, and soon enough the doctors gave you the all clear. At this point, it was nearly 6 months since you’d broken up with Luke, and you could feel your mindset shifting. He was no longer the first person you wanted to call with good or bad news, or the first memories that popped into your head when you needed cheering up. It almost felt like… relief? Because for the longest time, even though you knew the break up was for the best, detaching yourself from one another seemed almost in possible after so many years of so many memories. 

I've been waking up alone, I haven't thought of him for days

I'll be honest, It's better off this way

The tipping point came at Calum’s birthday party, a month or so later. Ashton had invited you out for coffee and nonchalantly mentioned that maybe, possibly, well actually extremely likely almost definitely Luke was bringing a date to the gathering at Cal’s house; a girl he’d been seeing for a month or so. Everyone wanted you to be comfortable, and everyone, Cal especially, wanted you to be there, but they also understood if you wanted to avoid any potential awkward encounters with Luke and his new love interest. You assured Ashton that it would be fine, that you honestly weren’t bothered, and laughed off his suggestion of setting you up with a super hot blind date to help level the playing field.

The night came along, and you found yourself stumbling along Calum’s front path in the dark as you tried not to drop the gift you’d bought for him (a new cookbook and a collection of various hot sauces).  “Bloody 5sos and the “no good party starts until 11pm rule”, you muttered to yourself as you almost tripped over again, and you heard an indignant shout that sounded very Ashton-like behind you.

“Oi! Don’t be mad at us, you know that rule has never let us down!” Ashton bellowed, as he came forward with his phone flashlight switched on, KayKay not too far behind him.

“Damn girl, you like fiiiiiine!” KayKay said, letting out a low whistle. You rolled your eyes, knowing she was exaggerating. Your outfit was essentially a denim skirt and a t-shirt - maybe you’d sexed it up a little bit with some thigh high boots, tousled hair and a red lip, but all’s fair in love and war, right?

The three of you made it inside, and a very tipsy Calum greeted you with open arms and a lot of excitement at your gift of hot sauce. It felt so nice to be back with all your friends at a house party, like the old days, and you found yourself stepping out onto the back patio for a moment of quiet reflection and to share some pats with Duke.

You’d exchanged a wave with Luke when you’d entered the house, but hadn’t quite worked up the confidence to go up and speak to him, especially when he had his new girl in close proximity. She looked really friendly, though, and you could tell from the spark in both of their eyes that their relationship was blossoming in the best possible way. Part of you thought you’d be upset about it, but all you truly felt was content. Content in your life as it was, surrounded by friends that loved you just as much as you loved them, and actually quite proud of how far you’d come over the past year. You’d learned to stand on your own two feet, and you’d grown into a much more settled, independent human as a result. 

You were lost in your train of thought when you heard the song change on the speakers inside. Duke’s ears perked up and he licked your hand attentively when you stopped patting him as the song registered - it was your song. Or at least, it used to be. You felt a smile creep onto your face when you remembered the Sunday mornings of pancakes and singalongs, and the smile grew wider when you saw Luke’s girlfriend dragging him onto the dancefloor, much to his (fake) protests. You made eye contact with your kind-hearted, softly-smiling, gentle-eyed ex-boyfriend, and for a split second you saw a flash of concern cross his face. In response, you raised your glass in a cheers and shot him a wink, which earned a smile and a small laugh from Luke before he turned his attention back to the beautiful girl in his arms. You took a sip, and smiled to yourself. It truly was better off this way. 

When I hear it, I just can't stop smiling, I remember you're gone

Baby, it's just a song on the radio, That we used to know

Taglist: If there’s a line through your name, I couldn’t tag you, so please message me to let me know your new URL or what the go is!   @suchalonelysunflower @blackbutterfliescal @redrattlers @loveroflrh @spicycal @notinthesameguey @metalandboybands @cheekysos @ashton-trash  @another-lonely-heart @queenalienscherrypie  @becihadshawn  @allthestarsandthemoon  @oyesmendes​ @andrianawinchester @333-xx  @findingliam-o @hoodhoran @rbforsmileycal @myloverboyash @myhappylittleyoutubee @saywhatnow07 @secretsicanthideanymore @ar1analara  @killmywildflower​

[clouditae]

Unexpected Confession

Jungkook x reader | pg13 | oneshot | high school au | basketball | fluff | swearing | slight bullying | violence

Word: 5.7k

You gathered up the courage to confess your feelings, but it seems everyone in school knows about it before you could even find him

“You’re really going to do it?” your friend asks, looking at you through the bathroom mirror in shock as you wash your hands. “You’re actually going to confess to one of the most popular students in this school?”

“Don’t scare me. I’ve already told myself six times today that I was going to confess.” You turn off the faucet, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser. “Even if he rejects me and I can never look at him again,” you mumble. 

“Y/N,” Aleah begins, blocking your exit from the bathroom with her arms spread out to her sides, “you’re about to confess to Jungkook, the basketball and baseball playing hottie. You understand his ex will not be happy to hear about this since she’s protective of everything.” 

You frown. “He’s in basketball?” 

Aleah sighs, rolling her eyes as well. “Yes he’s in basketball! How do you not know? You go to his baseball games,” she claims. 

“I have NOSB, so I’m usually at the club preparing for the competition,” you disclose, pushing one of her arms down to get past her and out the door. 

She groans, “You are such a—are you sure you want to do this?” 

“It’s now or never,” you whisper. Your friend can only sigh in response, patting your back as the two of you part ways. “See you at lunch,” you call out to her, walking down the hall towards your chemistry class.

You have a test today, but you didn’t study as much as you would have liked since the club leader decided to give you “homework” to do and study for a small competition Friday. You’re stressed to the point where you’re beginning to think gray hairs are appearing. You almost cried when you thought you saw one. Turns out it was the light playing tricks on your eyes. 

Entering class you take your seat, setting your bag down and pulling out a pencil. The second the last bell rings, you watch as the instructor passes the test out. You take in a deep breath. There’s nothing else you can do but try your best. 

When the test reaches your desk, you immediately begin, surprised that after you finish, you know a lot of it. Some educated guesses seem like they’re the correct answer, but you’ll have to wait and see after it's graded and passed back on Monday. For the remainder of the class you listen to the instructor go over the next lesson on ionic bonding. You listen in silence, jotting down notes as the instructor works on the white board to explain in more detail about her explanation. 

“Does anyone know if a cation gains protons to form a positive charge or does it lose electrons?” your instructor asks, a strand of her hair falling from her bun as she pushes it back, eyes scanning the room for raised hands. Looking through your notes, you raise your hand. “Y/N,” she says, giving a nod for you to answer.

“The protons in the nucleus do not change during normal chemical reactions. Only the outer electrons move. Positive charges form when electrons are lost,” you tell her, looking up from your notes to see if you’re right. 

“That is correct,” she tells you, smiling as she continues class. So, for the rest of class, you take detailed notes and do a surprisingly good job at distracting yourself from your practiced speech you’re going to tell Jungkook after school. 

Jungkook. The popular one in school. Your neighbor since your first year here when you moved to this town for your dad’s job. A few words are exchanged whenever the two of you see one another at home, and a lot of accidental gazes when you two would look out your bedroom window. You just happen to pick the bedroom right across from his. 

Jungkook plays sports, is smart in class, has a girlfriend for two years—until they broke up over the summer before school started, and lots of friends. Whenever he walks down the hall, at least half the students say something to him, and he always talks to them like they’re his best friend. You wish you had the guts to try and be his friend, but you’re always afraid. 

What if his personality is all a show and he’s a mean person? Well what a great way to figure out by confessing your feelings for him. 

You almost bang your head against your desk until you remember where you are. To your luck the bell rings to let you know that class is over and lunch has begun. Packing your belongings, you head out of the class and enter the busy hall. Aleah will be waiting at the usual table, but before you can meet her, you need to put your chemistry textbook away and swap it out for your math book. Turning down a different hall, you notice several people looking at you; some are whispering to one another. 

You try your best to ignore them as you reach your locker and put in the combination before exchanging books. Why would they be looking at you and possibly be gossiping? You’re not well known in this school, so why would you be on their minds? Maybe you're overthinking it. 

Entering the cafeteria, you stand in line to get your food. You focus your attention on the display of food in front of you, debating on what to ask for when you reach the people standing behind the counter. After getting your food and heading towards the usual table Aleah sits at, you notice her expression. 

An expression you don’t like. 

“Y/N,” she whispers, as you take a seat across from her. “Everyone knows.”

You frown in confusion. “Know what?”

She looks at you with a sad expression. “People are talking about your crush on Jungkook and the confession you’re going to make after school.” 

“What?” you ask in complete disbelief. “How do they know?” 

No wonder people are looking at you and whispering to one another. Even now as you glance around the room you can see people looking at you and laughing with one another as they talk in low voices. 

“Did you check to see if anyone was in the bathroom when you went in there?” she asks, resting her arms on the table. You can’t meet her eyes at the realization that you didn’t check. You were so nervous at telling Aleah your plan that you just forgot. “Y/N,” she says, tone comforting. 

“I’m so stupid, Aleah,” you whimper, keeping your head down. 

“You’re not stupid, Y/N. It was just a coincidence that someone was in that bathroom.”

“I heard you’re going to confess to Jungkook,” a voice interrupts. You look up to meet a pair of brown eyes. Golden brown hair, make-up packed on, and the school uniform—slightly unbuttoned and skirt higher than it needs to be. Naeun. Jungkook’s ex. “Well? Is it true?” she asks, tone demanding. 

“That’s none of your business,” Aleah tells her, defending you before you can utter a word. 

Naeun turns to look at Aleah. “Was I talking to you?” she bellows before turning back to you. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N,” she begins, placing her palms on the table and leaning in close towards you, “Jungkook only needs a break from us because he needs to focus on basketball, and that doesn’t mean he’s available to anyone. Got it?” Looking you up and down with a look of disgust, she stalks off. 

“Don’t listen to her, Y/N. She’s just a bitch who’s sad she’s no longer with Jungkook,” Aleah tells you, but you can already feel it. “Oh, Y/N, don’t cry.” She reaches across the table and takes your hand in hers. “I’m gonna beat her ass—” A sudden loud bang makes you both jump. You look to see your best friend staring behind you in shock. “Holy shit,” she whispers. 

Turning around, you see two people on the floor throwing fists at one another. A crowd begins to gather, but Aleah seems to be quicker as she pulls you to your feet and drags you towards the fight. After she pushes her way through, you get a clear view of the two. You watch as Jungkook pins down the captain of the football team and punches him in the face. Bringing his fist back, Jungkook lands another hit before he is thrown off by the man beneath him. 

“I can’t believe Jungkook is fighting Aaron. They’ve been friends for years,” Aleah mumbles in confusion. “What could have happened?”

You watch as Aaron gets a few hits in before he is pulled away by security. Another appears at Jungkook’s side, holding him back from lunging at his friend. “Everybody disperse,” a loud voice booms, making you jump again. The dean walks to the center of the crowd, eyes glaring at everyone. “If you are not back to your tables and eating lunch by the time I count to three I will start giving out detention. One!” That is all everyone needs before the group breaks up and runs back to their tables.

You follow Aleah back to yours. “Man, that was scary as hell,” she tells you, shaking her head as she sits back down. 

“I’ve never heard of Jungkook fighting with anyone before. He’s always friendly with everyone.”

“Tell me about it.” Aleah takes a bite of her food. “At least we know he can fight. Did you see how bad Aaron looked? Jungkook was nowhere near that,” she laughs. 

“Still he could get into a lot of trouble and he may get suspended from school,” you worry, glancing at the hall through the open doors where Jungkook was taken down. 

Suddenly you feel a splash of some sort of liquid whip across your face. You shut your eyes, feeling the sting as a familiar voice speaks up, “This is all your fault.” 

“What the fuck, Naeun?” you can hear Aleah speak. 

You’re not listening to their argument as you rub yours eyes. You’re just grateful that she threw water and not something else that can hurt. “It’s her fault that Jungkook got into a fight. This bitch deserves more than what I gave her,” Naeun finishes. 

Rubbing your eyes, you watch her walk back to her laughing table. You can hear Aleah talking to you, but you’re so pent-up in your anger you don’t listen to her as you grab your plate full of your mashed potatoes with gravy and storm towards her. No one stops you. No one does anything as you grab her by the shoulder, spin her around, and smash the paper plate on her face, some of the food flying from the impact. 

Watching the plate slide off her face, the ringing in your ears has finally stopped and you stand in a room filled with shocked eyes and silence. Naeun wipes the food from her eyes and you realize you’ve never seen someone look as pissed off as she does. “You’re fucking dead,” she says, ready to lunge but stops short at the deans voice.

The two of you turn to see him standing at the doorway. “Y/N, my office. Naeun, clean yourself up and come to my office.” It’s then you can feel your heart drop and the fear kick in. You’re in so much trouble. 

“Here, Y/N.” You turn to see Aleah handing you your bag. “That was fucking awesome by the way. Text me later.” 

Taking your bag from your friend, you follow the dean with heavy strides. You’ve never been in trouble before. What exactly happens when people get into trouble? Does he yell? You’re sensitive. You’ll cry if he yells at you. Hell, you’re already on the verge of crying. 

Entering the office, he points to the line of chairs outside his door. You do as you’re told and sit down. You’re trying your hardest not to cry in front of the receptionist at the desk, but you can already feel your body shaking and your eyes going blurry. You look down, pretending to fix something on your somewhat wet skirt. You don’t realize how wet your hair and shirt are until droplets begin to fall from the ends of your hair. 

Everything is a big mess, and so the tears begin to fall. Some fall on your hand while some roll down your cheeks. You sniffle as you quickly wipe at your warm cheeks. A pair of shoes come into your line of sight followed by a towel draping over your head. You look up to see Jungkook kneeling down to meet you at an almost eye level. 

There’s a Band-Aid above his left eyebrow, his left eye slightly purple. Other than that, he looks the same to you. His hair is a mess from probably running his hands through it out of frustration. After developing a crush, and having him in a few classes, you couldn’t help but notice the little things. 

“For you to dry yourself,” he says, gesturing to the towel on top of your head. 

“Thank you,” you whisper, voice cracking just a bit. You begin to dry your hair, wiping at your tears as well. 

“I’m sorry about Naeun,” he tells you, giving an apologetic smile. 

You shake your head. “It’s not your fault.”

“In a way it is. Even though we aren’t together, every person she hurts is my fault because we’re not together…” he trails off. “If that makes sense.” 

“Jungkook. I thought I told you not to leave until I say so.” Looking behind him, you see the school nurse standing in the hallway with her arms crossed over her chest in annoyance. 

Jungkook sighs. “Guess that’s my que to leave,” he mumbles, looking back to meet your eyes. “Can I walk you home after school?”

You can feel your heart racing. “I may not be here after school. He might throw—I mean kick me out before then,” you tell him, fumbling over your words a bit. 

He smiles. A smile that makes him scrunch his nose and remind you of a small animal. “I don’t think he’ll do that. If I can get off with a warning, then I’m positive you’ll get off with one, too.” 

“Jungkook!” the nurse yells. 

“I’ll see you after school.” He gets up to his feet and follows the nurse back down the hall. He turns around, walking backwards as he cups his hands around his mouth. “At your locker,” he calls, grinning and waving at you before turning back and around and following the nurse out of sight. 

You can’t help but smile, cheeks turning pink and a flutter in your stomach. You feel more at ease by his words. Maybe you won’t get into trouble, but it seems the dean caught you in the act of smashing food in her face. Just you pulling an act.

So, you wait and wait. Five minutes turns to forty and still no sign of the dean coming out of his office. Even as Naeun comes in ready to pounce you, the dean does not call either of you in for another hour. Every now and then you’ll glance in Naeun’s direction from across the room, but you always look away when you realize she’s glaring at you. 

“Naeun,” the dean says. You look up and watch him gesture with his finger for her to follow. Naeun gets up from her seat and follows him inside his office, the door closing. 

And so again, you wait. You glance at the clock, watching as time ticks closer and closer to the last bell. Will he ever call you to discuss your punishment? It’s giving you anxiety as time ticks on.

Finally, to your relief and fear, Naeun storms out of the room, not even looking at you as she leaves the building. You look to his office door, watching him step out and look down towards you. "Come in," he addresses, walking back into his office. You get up, feeling your legs shake and hands clutching the towel as you enter the room.

You've been in his office numerous times, but never for getting in trouble. You're usually in here with questions about the club competition and the funding to get there, but never to get yelled at. You can feel yourself on the verge of crying again, but you blink them back, not wanting to look like a child in front of the one who can expel you.

"Take a seat Y/N," he says, taking a seat at his chair behind his desk. You immediately sit down, watching him as he picks up a light brown file folder from his desk. Opening it, his eyes scan whatever is in that folder. "I am quite surprised by what I saw earlier today," he states, not even looking up at you.

"I am so sorry, Sir," you croak. "I-I don't know what came over me—I just lost it. She threw water at me and started telling me it's my fault, and I just couldn't take it—but that doesn't excuse my behavior." You’re a babbling mess.

"I saw everything, Y/N. I know what happened." He finally looks up to meet your blurred eyes. "Jungkook told me to stay behind "just in case" as he put it, and I was surprised to see that he was correct." He closes the folder, leaning back in his seat. "I'm not going to suspend you or put you in detention. I'm just going to ask you to not do that again. You're a good student and I don't want you to ruin your chances of going to the competition in February. So"—he clears his throat, leaning forward and interlocks his fingers together on his desk—"I'm going to let you off with a warning, okay?"

You nod vigorously. "I promise I'll never do anything to end up in this situation again." The dean nods, shooing you off with his hand. You get up, thanking him like your life depends on it as you leave his office. When you’re out of the room, you feel so relieved and so exhausted from trying not to cry.

How was Jungkook able to guess that you wouldn't get into trouble? You'll have to thank him when school—

Right on cue the bell rings, indicating that school is over. You grab your bag from the chair where you left it on, draping it over your head and telling the woman behind the receptionist desk goodbye. You walk out the door and into the hall filled with students eager to get out of the building and home. Making your way towards your locker, feeling excited to see Jungkook standing there, you’re trying your best not to run.

You don't get that far when you are stopped by your best friend. "How did it go?" she asks, pulling you to the side to avoid the busy hall. “Are you suspended?” 

You shake your head, feeling the biggest smile grow on your face. "I got off with a warning."

"That's great because do I have news for you," she says, looking around. She turns to you and tells you in a low voice, "I was told that the reason Jungkook got into a fight with Aaron was because Aaron was making fun of you and your confession you planned on doing. Jungkook just... jumped him."

"Really?" you ask, voice loud and completely shocked.

"Shh! Yes!"

"I can't believe he'd do that. He could have gotten in so much trouble," you say more to yourself than to her.

"He didn't get in trouble?" Aleah questions, shock written all over her face.

"Yeah. He got off with a warning like I did," you tell her.

"Holy fuck," she laughs. "So, the only two that got suspended were Naeun and Aaron."

“Wait, they got suspended, but Jungkook and I didn’t?”

“Hilarious right?” Aleah laughs as if she told you the funniest joke she has ever heard. You’ve never seen her laugh so hard to the point where tears begin to form and fall. You shake your head in defeat. “Oh, c’mon. Don’t tell me you don’t find this funny,” she argues, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I don’t have time to laugh. Although I don’t get why Aaron was suspended when Jungkook was the one who initiated the fight,” you wonder. A group of laughing teenagers walk by as Aleah shakes her head. 

“I was told he already did things that were just piling up because he’s the captain of the football team.” Aleah shrugs, gaze wandering off to the crowd walking past. Some towards the exit while others head towards their clubs or to practice. “It’s stupid that they took so long to suspend him, but are you ready to go?” she asks, turning towards you. 

The two of you usually go to the park and hang out for a while before going home. You two either gossip or do homework that one of your instructors gave you. You’re always there for each other. Whether it be in friendship or in homework, you always help one another out. Today, however, you’re not going to follow her to the park. You feel bad, but knowing her, she’ll be pushing you towards your locker.

"I can't today," you tell her, feeling giddy.

"Why?"

You took in a deep, shaky breath. "Jungkook asked to walk me home." You watch as her eyes go wide. "He's waiting for me at my locker," you finish.

Just as you predicted, Aleah is pushing you in the direction of your locker. "Well don't keep him waiting! Hurry up and go!" You laugh, walking on your own. "If he does anything to you that you don't like, let me know and I'll go kick his ass okay?" she yells.

You turn around to look at her encouraging smile. "I'll let you know the second I'm home what happened!" you call back, waving to her before turning back around and making your way towards your locker.

Reaching your hall, it’s empty except for Jungkook. You can see him leaning against the lockers, looking down at his shoes as he kicks imaginary dust. You can't help but imagine what it would be like if he were to wait for you every day to walk you home. Like he’s your boyfriend. Holding your hand, listening to you talk about your classes, as you listen to him about his practices—you’d even wait for him after practice when you didn't have your club meeting. He’ll smile at you with that scrunch he does with his nose, give you a kiss on your cheek, and eventually your lips.

You shake your head of those thoughts, ignoring the racing of your heart as you make your way down the hall towards him. When you’re close enough, he looks up to meet your eyes. He smiles and you swear you see the light around him shine brighter. "Did you get in trouble?" he asks.

"Ah, n-no. I got off with a warning like you said I would."

He smiles even brighter. How is that even possible? "Told you," he begins, pushing off the locker, "You had nothing to worry about."

"But you did," you counter, remembering what Aleah told you. "You could have gotten suspended for starting a fight."

"But I got a warning," he returns.

"You didn't have to do that for me. All people do is talk, but never do anything," you exclaim, shifting from one foot to the other.

"But I didn't like the way he was talking about you," he speaks under his breath, but you hear him, and you’re at a loss for words on how to respond to that. You've never had anyone defend you the way he did. You want to hug him. "Shall we head home?" He takes a step forward, looking at you to see if you'll follow. You quickly do, walking alongside him as the two of you head towards the door that leads to the front of the school.

The walk is silent, neither of you saying anything to one another. It's not that you don’t mind. You enjoy the feeling of walking beside him. Just knowing that you can walk with him just this once is enough for you. Even if he rejects you because Jungkook is the nicest person you have ever met. He always treats you like everyone else. He's never rude and always says hello when the two of you see one another at home or even at school.

"So, um," he begins, clearing his throat, "I heard about the rumors..."

Your heart stops. Hell, even you stop in your tracks. You’re not ready for his response. "I'm sorry," you sputter. "You can just ignore everything that you heard. It—it was..." What can you think of as an excuse? You were so confident in telling him your feelings, but now that you're standing in front of him with him asking you about it, you lost your nerve. All your confidence is gone.

"Oh," he says, looking a bit disappointed. Did he want to hear it from you?

He says nothing else as he continues to walk ahead. You jog to catch up. What do you say? What are you supposed to do? It seems like you ruined the entire walk because you were going to confess to him. You want to hit yourself.

For the rest of the walk you glance at him to see what sort of expression he has, but you can't read him. You have no idea what he’s thinking and all it does is make you more nervous. Eventually, your house comes into view and you still have no answer. Just a feeling of frustration for yourself. You reach your house first, the two of you stopping at the walkway leading towards your front door.

"Thank you," you tell him, looking anywhere but at him.

"It's no problem. We live next door."

You shake your head. "No," you begin, gathering the courage to meet his eyes, "Thank you for defending me. No one has ever done that for me—well, except for Aleah, but no one has ever gotten into a fight for me."

Jungkook shrugs. "Well, Aaron is an ass, and he shouldn't be talking bad about someone he doesn't know."

You nod in understanding. "I appreciate it and I'm sorry you got hurt in the process." Silence follows after. The two of you seem to have nothing else to say. "Well, I should go in." You gesture to your house with your thumb. Walking up the walkway you tell him, "Bye." He waves as you turn your back to him, glancing at your windows to see if your parents are watching. Thankfully no one is peeking through the curtains.

"What if," he calls. You turn back around to see him still standing in the same spot. "What if"—he whispers to himself—"I want to hear the rumors." He takes in a deep breath. "From you."

"W-what do you mean?" you stutter.

Jungkook glances at your house behind you before walking up to you. "What if I want to hear what you have to say?" He looks down. "Will you tell me?"

You feel like you’re going to throw up. What is happening? He wants to hear your confession? What could that mean?

You're a mess. You're a huge mess.

What surprises you and him is when you say, "I like you." Oh God. You want to run in the house and hide forever. You're never going to go to school again. You're going to move countries—

"Me too."

You look back up to meet his eyes, blinking a few times. "What?"

You can see his eyes widen in shock, as if he just realized what he said. "I-I said I like you, too."

"Really?" He nods. "When?"

"Since you moved next door." He scratches the back of his neck, clearly unsure as to what to do, but you're just as lost as he is. "What about you?" he suddenly questions.

"Same," you reply.

He giggles and you swear your heart is going to explode. "I didn't know you liked me. If I did, I wouldn't have stuck with Naeun for so long. When I heard the rumor, I never felt so happy," he confesses.

"I didn't think you'd like me back," you admit. Why are you acting like this was a casual conversation?

"That's crazy. You're smart, beautiful, funny, the sweetest person I've ever met. Your smile is contagious." You can feel the heat on your cheeks, and it seems Jungkook notices it, too. "Come to my game Friday?"

You want to say 'yes', but instead you say, "I have a club meeting. We usually don't finish until nine."

He hums in response. "Your NOSB club meeting?" You’re shocked that he knoww but you nod in response. "I understand. You have a competition to win, so study hard okay?" You nod again, completely baffled that he knows what club you’re in. He nods as well, glancing at your house once more. “I should go,” he tells you. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” You really wish you can do anything but nod. Sadly that is all you do seeing as your voice is betraying you. Smiling, Jungkook leans in, pressing his lips to your cheek to give you a quick kiss. 

You’re frozen in place, watching him quickly head towards his house, not even glancing at you. Touching the spot where his lips once were, you can’t contain the smile spreading as you head inside. Wait till you tell Aleah. 

“What do underwater earthquakes, landslides, volcanic eruptions, or explosions generate?” Macy, the club leader, questions. 

Jiyeon, standing at the opposite side of the room to be your opponent answers, “Whirlpools.” 

Macy shakes her head. “That is incorrect.” She turns to look at you. “Y/N you get to answer.” 

You think back to your study notes. “Tsunamis,” you answer. 

“Correct!” Macy says with a proud tone in her voice. 

Your club is currently split into two groups, practicing for the competition. You just got your team in the lead as you go to sit down and watch another member go up to the podium to answer the following question. You’re trying your best to focus on the questions, but your eyes keep glancing at the clock above the whiteboard and thoughts go back to the kiss and Jungkook admitting to having the same feelings as you. It’s like a dream come true. Never in a million years would you expect Jungkook to feel the same way, but he does and you are jovial. All you want to do is go to him, see him smile at you, hold your hand, hug you, and so much more. 

“Correct,” Macy yells, bringing you back to the room. She collects the flashcards she used for questions from the desk she sits at. “Well we went past our usual time,” she announces, getting up from the desk. “Make sure you get home safely if you’re not going to take the bus.” 

You glance at the clock one last time seeing that it is 9:05. You look up estimated times as to how long games are, and there is a slight possibility that the game may be playing still. You grab your belongings, casually waving bye and making your way out the door. The second you hear the door close, you sprint down the hall. The basketball game is on the other side of the school, so you’ll have to run the entire way just to try and make it to what's left of the game or to an empty court.

You run as fast and as hard as you can, legs burning, air coming out in short and desperate breaths. Rounding the corner, you almost slip but manage to regain your balance and continue to run. To your surprise you can hear the crowd cheering from the closed doors at the end of the hall. That means the game is still playing. Pulling open one of the doors you walk in until you’re standing next to the bleachers, a clear view of the game. Jungkook stands in the center of the court, yelling at his teammates. Within the crowd of moving players, the ball is passed to Jungkook. He glances around in front of him, seeming to look around for an opening. He mutters to himself before staring ahead and jumping up, tossing the ball.

You watch the ball fly across the court, hitting the rim once, twice—swish! The crowd erupts in cheers, the team members surrounding Jungkook as he yells in victory, fist in the air. You clap along with the crowd as some go to the center of the court and others leaving, talking about the game. You've never seen a basketball game, but from the way everyone is cheering so loudly you would have loved to have gone to one of his games; sit in the crowd, cheer when shots are made and boo when the opposing team does something. You don't know a lot about basketball, but you're willing to learn for him.

Jungkook's eyes meet yours from within the huge group surrounding him. He smiles brightly at you and your breath catches in your throat. He pushes his way through, jogging up to you. "You made it!" He’s sweaty, hair sticking to his forehead.

You exhale, "I didn't make it in time. I just saw the last shot, but I missed everything else. I'm sorry—" You’re cut off by his lips meeting yours. You feel yourself melting as you close your eyes, feeling his soft lips move against yours before pulling away.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he whispers against your lips. It seems as though he doesn't want to stop, even as he apologizes. You cup his cheeks, pressing your lips against his once more. It’s like a million butterflies fluttering in your stomach, the sound of the cheering people disappearing, and all there is in this building is you and him. He pulls away again, this time further but not far enough as you feel his breath against your lips as he asks, "Would you like to go on a date?"

You open your eyes to meet his. Smiling, you tell him, “Yes.”

[narrators-journal]

A hiccup in the process

cw: breaking and entering again, more stalking, that’s not gonna go away for this story lol, I think that’s the big ones to note. enjoy!

Previous part: here

First part: here

Sadly, Illumi couldn't keep an eye on you 24/7, which he found irked him slightly. More-so when Milluki would give him updates while he was on his mission. It wasn't like Milluki himself irked Illumi this easily every day, he was his baby brother, he was allowed to annoy the long haired assassin, that's what family does, but for some reason knowing that the rotund young man was using the spy cameras he'd installed for his own surveillance to check in on you every few days to ensure nothing bad happened ate at Illumi in a whole new fashion.

Despite this, the assassin focused on his work as best he could, not that it really required much focus, a pretty textbook political hit, easy enough. However, when he came back, he was not greeted by an equal amount of ease.

He'd stopped by his home, doing the usual after-job reports for the client, than told his mother that he'd return to keeping an eye on you until his next job, he also stopped by Milluki's room and rather coldly told him he could stop spying on you. Than, he headed over to your place, curious to see what fine details his brother didn't find necessary to relay. However, when he got to your home and peeked inside, careful to ensure no possible neighbors saw him, he found it suspiciously empty. Milluki would've told me of any new people coming around, so (y/n) isn't on a date or anything. It's not a weekend, so (f/n) surely doesn't have her, and (y/n) isn't the type to just up and leave.. he mused, a bit down the street now sitting on an empty bench in the spring air so he didn't seem super suspicious to anyone around by lingering around your home.

He mulled these questions over for a while, most of the day it seemed since the next time he returned from splitting his attention between puzzling out this issue of emotions and closely watching your home it was evening and the temperatures were cooling. What drew his attention completely to your home was the unfamiliar car that pulled into your driveway. A car pulling up wasn't super odd to Illumi, (f/n) occasionally came by after all, but this car didn't belong to them, and it definitely wasn't yours, as you either didn't have one, or it was at your home, so the sight of a new person immediately put Illumi on the defensive. This boiling feeling of out of place anger worsened when you lingered by the strangers car.

On the bright side, the long haired assassin used this opportunity to meander over and eavesdrop to figure out where you may have been,

        "-Thanks for taking me out!" you were saying, leaning a bit towards the drivers window, where a man, or maybe woman, illumi couldn't quite tell from where he was paused to listen, sat, waving your gratitude away nonchalantly,

            "Nah, it's cool. You were pretty fun to hang out with, I'd be happy to take you out again another time if you'd want." the person said, making you giggle, the sweet sound acting as gasoline on his already ill mood.

Sadly, Illumi couldn't linger around any longer, you were noticeably getting tenser and had thrown a few skeptical glances at the assassin while he was paused on his phone, so he didn't catch the remainder of your conversation before your 'friend' left.

Illumi walked around the block to calm down and refrain from any rash decisions that night, returning to his usual hiding place afterwards, watching you as you happily lounged in your home. While the darkness of night crept in around him, Illumi tried to figure out what to do and why he was so annoyed to see you with someone else. Did he want to kill you? Was he mad that you potentially going on a date made that goal harder to achieve cleanly? No, that didn't seem to be correct, the explanation not seeming to cover all of the prickly emotions he felt at the moment, but it was the best explanation he had. He didn't have a lot of experience with the 'softer emotions' as his mother sometimes called them when she had given him a basic course on wooing himself a wife, and he was an assassin, a trained killer, surely he had no need to learn about these things. Though, he had to admit, combing out those pesky barbs of maybe I'm jealous and maybe I'd like to be the one she has a fun time with from his already crowded and busy thoughts was annoying. Every other emotion he could neatly package away, he could temper his lust, curb his anger, and suppress sadness, guilt, shame, and the like. But this situation, you, seemed to have this aggravating power to flip the lid of Pandora's box and pick out the worst of the bunch to bring to the surface.

After some contemplation, the assassin decided that he did, in fact, want to kill someone, but not you. You were still an entertaining little puzzle to burn away the time, at least, even if you did aggravate him. so, instead of killing you, he waited for you to go to bed and than slipped inside once again. This time though, he wasn't there to peek at your sleeping body, Though I bet she's wearing something risque again a dark little voice whispered in his head, but no, he could not indulge in that tonight. He was there on a mission to find information on your friend and the person who took you on a date. Peeking beneath your covers to catch a glimpse of your soft thighs or chest could wait.

He focused on his task, digging through anything he found that could potentially hold information about those you knew, but nothing proved useful. He found a picture with (f/n)'s name on the back, but he already knew their name, he needed their address or full name, or at least their phone number to have Milluki trace it. Sadly though, you didn't make a habit of writing down police-interrogation level notes on your few friends and leaving them in the open, so Illumi had to collect himself and get a good grip on his hormonal reactions before going into your bedroom for your phone.

Your room was as quiet as before, with, at most, a white noise source that the lean assassin made a mental note to ween you off of once if he had you as a wife. It wasn't an impressive room, dotted with a few articles of dirty clothes or other signs of life, but his dark, empty eyes still zeroed in on a pair of your undergarments on the floor in particular. Part of him was repulsed by how slovenly you were to leave a few articles of dirty laundry on the floor, but another part of him knew that he himself wasn't an exact neat freak and he only thought you were messy because he had butlers, you didn't. No, instead that devious side of himself focused more on what was on the floor, and how that might mean you were...less modest than he might have first thought.

He stopped himself, repressing the nasty urge to check and than punish you if you really were so brave as to sleep without panties and just scooped up your phone and left your bedroom to staunch any other distractions. With a deep breath to clear away the lustful thoughts, Illumi easily hacked into your phone, really, your password was so easy, and dug around. He tried to find your friends contact information, and while he didn't find a phone number, address, or anything like that, he did find their online profile, which was enough for Milluki to track them down. However, he didn't stop snooping after that. Instead, he looked around in your photos, other messages or DMs, anything personal or potentially holding lewd info or images, but the most he found was a google search for an adult toy you seemed to be contemplating buying. He swiftly deleted that from your search history and returned your phone to where it had been.

Now he only needed to let his brother do his job and look into (f/n) and than your date. Of course, he'd have Milluki do that after clarifying why the shut-in gaming nerd should've told him you had a date of any sort.

[hshouse]

hey i know you dont like to talk about stunts so feel free to ignore this, but i was wondering if you think bg will ever end? sometimes i feel insane thinking about this bc i cannot imagine (legally, morally, in every perspective) how this situation has gone for so long. so it does make me wonder if i was wrong all along and misunderstood 99% of things or if im crazy idk.

do you ever feel like this? you've said before that you live with the knowledge that we dont have all parts of the story and i agree to an extend. but i also dont think there are any missing pieces that would explain this whole thing.

i think a lot about the idea that the simplest answer/solution is usually the correct one and how i totally disagree with that gksjgjs life is complicated! but sometimes i think that in this case the only explanation is that he is the father (which doesnt make sense bc there's tons of info out there to dispute this hence the "feeling crazy" bit)

im sending you this bc i feel like you have one of the most rational non-black and white perspective on how things unfold here

sorry for the long ask <3

Hi bby,

I totally understand your feelings and share them. I don’t think about bg bc of exactly what you said: even with missing pieces, it’s very hard to make sense of it. But something else is also clear to me: there is something very wrong in this story. As in, maybe we are all mistaken, sure, but we are not being told the truth. That to me is very clear. Which is again how I feel about larry in general. Maybe I am wrong about all the details, but I am not wrong about them having something that required (and requires) constant lying. There are explanations that fit both of those assumptions that are not my belief (example: if larry just fucked a bit in 1d and if the kid was a total oopsie and he doesn’t see him. both of those fit the things that I am sure of but are neither what I think nor, and this is key, what we are told). About whether it will end. Well I think so. No fucking clue when and how. Taking a step back, I think it’s important to remember that this whole thing is a fun hobby for us that is supposed to bring you happiness and not stress. So I have no qualms about just not paying attention to that. It brings me nothing good and at the end of the day I have my real problems to worry about already. All I can do is love and show support to them in a way that I full heartedly believe they appreciate. If I’m wrong, I know it came from a place of love.