#and the results were... that well the so called system has so many exceptions and examples seen in the game that

[randomnameless]

The fun thing about the Crest system argument is that before Hopes, myself and others were pointing out how Edelgard's claims make no sense when held up to the various nobles we have in game. The Alliance was a big sticking point in this regard, it was only in the Kingdom where it seemed to exist but it was also tied to defending their lands. Then Hopes came out where Sylvain explained that yes, there is a Crest system… that the nobles ignore and do their own thing. Fodlan itself basically says no one follows the Crest system, so is it really that important that Edelgard removes it while consolidating power on herself?

Where in Nopes does Sylvain mention the Crust system?

Crust system is basically the Fodlan equivalent of inheritence laws, and not that different from a male/female/klingon primogeniture rule, legitimacy rule, or picking the most able "person" to inherit...

Especially since the "most able" notion is as variable as the contents of a teaspoon and Fodlan refuses to elaborate what kind of magical superpower each crest gives.

The Nabateans using hair dye in the War of Heroes make more sense than the crust "system"!

I remember Houses thought trying to push the "wah wah inheritence based on crusts bad" with Sylvain (or was it Dimitri?) saying that the crested heir inherits, and the others are disinherited or something? I haven't checked the jp version and if it is worded differently, but, come on.

We see Rufus and Gilbert, sure they don't inherit the ancestral seat/throne of the house (Gilbert's bro is the baron, and Rufus is salty bcs Lambert got the throne), and yet they're not left in the boonies, are we really supposed to believe that both Rufus and Gilbert didn't get a penny, a house, titles (Gilbert became a knight) or anything for inheritance? Disinherited Rufus would never have became a grand duke (unless Dimitri's grandma was from Itha so Rufus took the inheritance from his mom?) or have lived a relatively more privileged life than Ashe and be free to "seduce around".

Jury's out about whether Glenn had a crust or not, and yet, Glenn got a fiancée and is always highly spoken of by his dad - not something you'd do for a kid you disinherit!

So, what were Sylvain (or Dimitri?) talking about in Houses?

Or were they full of shit to pretend there is a "system" that exists but isn't applied anywhere in the land, so it's totes important to get rid of it and make "ReFoRmS" and in the end, Supreme Leader wasn't totally in the wrong and had some good ideas, but please don't ask more about those ideas or what the "most competent" means to her, especially since Bernie in her solo ending in CF (just like in the other routes) can rule her territory ?

We don't see Hector crying a river because Uther is the Lord and not him, or Eirika doing the same (even if it would have been better for Magvel lol) just like Tana, hell, Elincia's dad didn't want to create an inheritence feud between his daughter and Renning so he hid her, and when Renning returns in FE10, he's not throwing a fit because he should have become King instead of his niece, and what not.

Hell, Desmond wanting to make Guinivere Queen wasn't a move to empower her or to shit on Zeph, but ultimately, a move he pulled off because of his own insecurities at being a worthless King compared to his son.

In Fodlan? Tana - after Innes' death at the hands of her accomplices - starts a war to conquer Magvel to get rid of male primogeniture.

And to make this less stupid than it sounds, the devs insist that Magvel's primogeniture laws are very bad and ruin a ton of lives in the continent which would justify killing Ross and Garcia because they're sacrifices to be made for the greater good.

Yeah :/

I'm not playing this version of FE8.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Rachel Bitecofer at The Cycle: Many times I’ve asked you to imagine what it would be like, what your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about contemporary America would be like, if you were one of the 100 million plus Americans who can’t name their own state’s senators. Vox dropped a recent piece that is firewalled, but I want you to read this short excerpt from their reporting:

Now, don’t focus on the particular demographics of this particular disenchanted voter. She could be anyone: a man, a woman, old, young, Black or White. Believe it or not, there are even college educated Americans who have this kind of limited, simplistic frame for interpreting political events. Anyhoo, that is a long wind up to get to what I want to talk to you about today which is the sensitivity of the low information public to lies intended to radicalize them.

Team Trump has a shrewd strategy to use obviously illegal executive orders to prepare the MAGA base for rebellion when they are inevitably struck down. An important concept from Introduction to American Government courses is something called the Expectations Gap. The Expectations Gap refers to the gap between what a president must promise to win election (especially to win their party’s nomination) and what he or she can actually deliver through a system intentionally designed to make governing very hard. Unless a president is extraordinarily lucky, like FDR who governed through two crises and used both to reshape the size and scope of government, a president is doomed to over promise and under deliver. All of them.

And that is during the best of times. These are not the best of times. Back in late 2009, early 2010, Republicans developed a keen strategy to try to make Barack Obama a one term president. That strategy was designed to increase the expectations gap by purposefully obstructing major legislation to deny Obama legislative wins. Its a strategy that benefitted Republicans politically so much, it became their go-to strategy throughout the full 8 years of Obama and for 4 years of Joe Biden, with one recent exception: Biden’s Infrastructure bill. They architects of the GOP’s opposition strategy had no idea at the time, but their strategy to starve the public of good government went on to play a key role in creating both the MAGA movement (right wing populism) and the Bernie Sanders movement (left wing populism). When people see their government can’t deliver solutions to their problems (or are told hyperbolic lies like Death Panels) they go a little crazy. And as demonstrated above, few voters have the sophistication to understand that Barack Obama failed to deliver on immigration reform because the Republican House simply refused to allow a vote on it.

[...] There’s just one problem: most of the executive orders Trump has issued to “finally achieve results for the American people” are illegal. Some are so grotesquely illegal they have Supreme Court justices gasping at the lunacy of the arguments coming out of what were once well-respected government lawyers. MAGA doesn’t know it yet, but most of Trump’s executive orders will never have the force of law. They will die quick deaths by a judiciary that overall seems inclined to protect the Constitution’s separation of powers system and maintain the power of the courts to review and determine the legality of actions taken by the Congress, the President, and the states. Unfortunately, Team Trump has been radicalizing the MAGA base for weeks in terms of the legitimacy of the courts.

Donald Trump’s executive orders are all about setting the MAGA base for rebellion when and if they get struck down.

[mouseratz]

in light of the new American report, to reiterate:

- ROGD is not a thing. it is a lot of parents of trans kids essentially going "my trans kid has friends online that are also trans and therefore it is their fault" being made into a Thing, and supports the concept of transness as a "contagion" (as well as a flimsy trend). it sucks.

- many of these treatments are not new. the Nazis burned German records of transgender healthcare, for example. also a bunch of them are routinely, regularly used for cis children and adults safely*.

(*intersex people are often not given a choice in the matter and can have a lot of bad experiences with some of these treatments, though, so, not universally, but that's often more an issue of consent & forcing a child to conform to one sex even if they'd be safe and healthy as they were.)

but generally, we know what gender-affirming treatments do unless there's a complication with another physical condition.

- on that note, I'm pretty damn sure being trans and getting gender affirming care does not cause any psychiatric conditions. there is certainly a correlation....but is that causation? or is it, perhaps, that certain groups of people face extra stress? hm.

-'adverse cognitive impacts' this is a nothingburger. it could make you feel bad, I guess?

-the bone density thing can happen....BUT as a result of not having enough of either t or e in your system (for example, if your body has an issue naturally producing either of these hormones, you will have to take at least one of them for the rest of your life or your bones will have problems).

- many of the other side effects are like, technically....? risks, but typically if improperly done, or again, interacting with another specific medical condition.....and usually the risk is not much different from that of cis people from the shit I've seen, but I'm not a doctor. there are reasons doctors usually take your bloodwork before starting any of these medications, for proper dosing & to check for certain big problems (and they STILL can fuck it up, because they are often undereducated on how to treat trans patients even though the knowledge on how to do so already exists.) But that's true of anything, really.

-infertility does happen sometimes. it's like an actual problem you might have. but some people have that happen either way (and some trans people can still have bio kids/impregnate/get pregnant, for the record. I just don't think infertility is as scary a possibility as certain people make it out to be.)

-regret is also true of anything you do ever. and the data we do have....keeps those numbers pretty low. because many of the gender affirming surgeries are prohibitively expensive and hard to access, too, so like, restricting them further isn't really gonna help except make the people who need them worse off.

-anyway. the whole thing is that they don't believe the data we currently have on any of this stuff and it doesn't matter if your kid needs any of these treatments, they just don't know what's good for them. and also conversion therapy is good actually but it's also mean that you would call it that :(

this is transparently cruel and will be used to enable further abuse of trans kids. so great stuff here

[mariacallous]

This may be the shortest-lasting revolution in history. Just one week after U.S. President Donald Trump imposed so-called reciprocal tariffs on the world as part of a plan to replace a global trading system based on most-favored-nation status and national treatment with individually negotiated bilateral arrangements, he has effectively called off the experiment. Yes, there are still 10 percent tariffs imposed on most everyone, along with higher tariffs on autos, steel, and aluminum, but these are likely ceilings, and the only direction for these barriers to move is down.

The one exception, of course, is China, which—we must now always emphasize, as of this writing—faces U.S. tariffs of roughly 150 percent, if one includes the standard tariffs on trading partners, the penal tariffs imposed during Trump’s first term and left in place by President Joe Biden, the 20 percent on fentanyl-related goods, and the duties announced on April 9.

Trump’s fans say this is a well-concealed plan to focus on Beijing; others may see the shift as a face-saving way to reframe a retreat after markets crashed and businesses went into shock. Either way, it seems hard for China to escape unscathed, unless Trump makes another sudden U-turn very soon. The United States still can impose a lot more pain, albeit at significant cost to itself, including financial sanctions and banning exchange students or travel altogether, and can offer benefits to other trading partners that join the campaign to isolate China. A China cut off from the global economy and society would face enormous economic, political, and geostrategic troubles.

Despite this danger, my sense is that the Chinese government believes it has no choice but to stand its ground and that its leaders will not submit to negotiations in which they are the only ones expected to make concessions. Moreover, my recent travels to China and elsewhere reveal a broader, modestly more positive reappraisal by Chinese and international audiences about the resilience and strengths of the Chinese system.

During trips to China from late 2022 to late 2024, I found a country struggling along almost every continuum. The last few months of the COVID-19 pandemic were scarring, as residents of many cities faced suffocating lockdowns, and hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people were severely sickened or perished. The economic rebound that was supposed to occur following the end of the government’s zero-COVID policies rapidly evaporated. In an effort to jump-start growth, mountains of capital were poured into new manufacturing facilities for electric vehicles, batteries, medical equipment, robotics, and other sectors; however, domestic consumption did not grow to meet it, leaving a huge gap between supply and demand and severe deflation at the factory gate.

Pandemic insecurity, the collapse of the housing market, and a weak social safety net led households to expand their precautionary savings and for young couples to forgo having children, worsening the demographic problem. The broader political tightening and emphasis on state security also took its toll on public sentiment. Indicators for consumer confidence dropped like a rock in early 2022 and have barely moved since.

As a result, many conversations among Chinese themselves during this period centered on why the Chinese leadership seemed unwilling to admit the extent of the problem and take the steps needed to boost growth. Hypotheses included a lack of accurate information about the country’s travails making it to the top, a weak team without a smart governing plan, the prioritization of security over economics, or a leadership fervently committed to focusing on advanced technology (what propagandists call the “new productive forces”) as the country’s most important growth driver.

These domestic anxieties were mirrored outside China. At a conference for thousands of institutional investors held by J.P. Morgan in early 2023 in Miami, the central debate was, “Is China investible?” There was no consensus, as some argued that the end of zero-COVID meant new opportunities, while others stressed the supply chain vulnerabilities and the crackdown on the private sector as reasons to hold back.

A year later at the same conference, there was a consensus answer: “No.” International investors offered a litany of worries about China’s short-term environment and long-term trajectory. Many said they had sold down their positions and reallocated their funds elsewhere, particularly to the United States.

Fast-forward to 2025, and the mood within China—and from many external observers—has perceptibly brightened. A part of the explanation lies with recent domestic developments. The first was the leadership’s admission last September of the country’s severe economic challenges and the subsequent announcement of a major stimulus plan, whose details were revealed this March. The second was the unveiling of DeepSeek’s pathbreaking large language model, which suggested that Chinese innovators were able to find workarounds to U.S.-led technology restrictions.

In discussions with business executives in China in March 2025, interlocutors suggested that the worst of the economic downturn was over and that they could see initial shoots of renewed growth. An auto executive said demand for their EV models was growing far faster than anticipated and that they would move up plans to open manufacturing facilities abroad.

An executive from a semiconductor firm sanctioned by the United States said they had improved their production efficiency and quality in the absence of service support from Western equipment suppliers. None said it was time to breathe a sigh of relief, highlighting the difference between announcing policies and having them generate results. One emphasized the continuing higher interest rate that private firms must pay for credit compared with state-owned enterprises.  Nevertheless, the dark clouds of previous years had receded.

The same shift was visible among the international business community. In the early 2025 version of the J.P. Morgan conference in Miami (and in similar conferences elsewhere), investors no longer complained about the Chinese leadership’s perceived missteps; instead, they repeatedly asked two questions: “How big will the stimulus be?” and “When will the stimulus translate into faster growth?”

At the China Development Forum, the conference held every March in Beijing that brings together leading Western multinationals and Chinese leaders, business executive after business executive highlighted their plans for new investments in China.

Although changes in Chinese policies and some technology breakthroughs explain some of the mood swing, the most important source of restored confidence lies 12 time zones away in Washington. Whether in Beijing, Shanghai, New York, Miami, or elsewhere, in meeting after meeting in the first quarter of 2025, the No. 1 topic was Trump. Almost every one of the conversations revolved around befuddlement at one or more of his policies.

Most alarmingly, although the context is so immensely different, many people, without prompting, compared today’s United States with China during the 1966-76 Cultural Revolution, a period of unprecedented turmoil and suffering across the entire country. To be sure, the Cultural Revolution is the Chinese go-to for political analogies in bad times, in the same way that Nazi Germany is for some in the West. Yet the U.S. government’s actions have genuinely shocked Chinese observers, some of whom have worked or studied in the United States.

Many with whom I spoke in China said they understood the need to cut government waste and reduce corruption—prominent problems in their own country. But time and again, observers were puzzled why Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency was leading the charge to haphazardly dismantle agency after agency and fire tens of thousands of civil servants. In a meeting to discuss possible U.S.-China cooperation on science and technology, a Chinese policy expert—after hearing a list of cuts to U.S. government agencies and universities for work on basic science research, climate, medicine, space, and other spheres—asked in amazement, “Does the U.S. government even believe in science anymore?”

On numerous occasions, people expressed shock at the attacks on the media, lawyers, and the courts. One interlocutor said he and his friends were among the most pro-American in China and were proud to have studied there and worked for U.S. companies. But the country they knew seemed to be changing before their eyes, and they could no longer consider sending their children to live or study there.

Just as prevalent as the perplexity about U.S. domestic actions was puzzlement about the fundamental changes in U.S. trade and foreign policies. In discussions held less than two weeks before Trump’s self-declared “Liberation Day” but after the fentanyl-related tariffs were imposed, Chinese could not wrap their heads around why the United States would want to dismantle the multilateral trading system that had created so much prosperity in the United States and around the world. The notion that Washington could use tariffs to engineer a radical revival in manufacturing production and employment was seen as an outright fantasy. And some wondered why Washington would abandon its allies in favor of Vladimir Putin’s Russia.

The significance of these comments has little to do with whether they are correct; instead, widespread perceptions of what is viewed as governmental ineptitude and societal fragmentation in the United States have become an imperceptible mirror in which Chinese look to reevaluate their own country’s present and future.

In reality, many of China’s leaders are highly ideological; corruption is widespread; political purges still occur; information is controlled; scientists (both physical and social scientists) face substantial barriers to intellectual freedom; unfair regulatory restrictions on markets abound; and industrial policy puts foreign business at a distinct disadvantage—all of which threatens China’s development prospects and relations with others. But when refracted through the lens of the United States in 2025, China’s system is viewed differently.

For pro-regime nationalists, Trump is a gift. His illiberal turn means the United States has abandoned its ideological challenge to the Chinese political system. Moreover, his weakening of U.S. governing institutions, economy, and alliance relationships translate into “making China great again.” And his attack on the multilateral trading system makes it far easier for China to be seen as its responsible steward over the United States.

For many apolitical Chinese, they are not enthusiastic about today’s China and many specific policies, but by comparison, China feels relatively stable and predictable, leaving them minimally satisfied to live in their system and a world that supports it.

For liberal Chinese who have long admired the United States, the Trumpian turn in Washington prompts a deep sadness. For them, the United States had been, as they said, a “light on a hill” and a “beacon.” In 2008, with the global financial crisis, the United States undermined confidence in China in free markets. In 2025, with its political infighting, the United States is discrediting its political system. The consequence of such melancholy is resignation. To this group of Chinese, Liberation Day must feel like just the opposite.

In the coming weeks and months, the contest between Beijing and Washington will continue to evolve in unpredictable ways, even if Trump backs off his full-scale declaration of trade war. Both have economic strengths and weaknesses, and each could aim for the other’s weakest points. They will maneuver to outflank and isolate the other by wooing countries in Asia, Europe, Africa, and Latin America. Plenty of drama has yet to unfold.

Yet my conversations in China and elsewhere suggest two ironic certainties. First, given the renewed resolve in Beijing, there is almost no chance the Trump administration will be able to wrangle any more concessions from China in the coming months that it could not have obtained on Jan. 20. The escalation, brinksmanship, and volatility will likely be a monumental waste of time.

And second, regardless of who is more effective at weakening the other’s economy or outfoxes the other at the negotiating table, the real contest for systemic competition, at least for now, is over. Whether in celebration or mourning, to most Chinese, Trump’s red tie is a white flag.

[ralfmaximus]

Remember that 737 MAX whose door plug blew out in flight?

A boeing whistleblower created a burner account and reported the following (reproduced here in its entirety in case the original gets deleted):

Current Boeing employee here – I will save you waiting two years for the NTSB report to come out and give it to you for free: the reason the door blew off is stated in black and white in Boeings own records. It is also very, very stupid and speaks volumes about the quality culture at certain portions of the business.

A couple of things to cover before we begin:

Q1) Why should we believe you? A) You shouldn’t, I’m some random throwaway account, do your own due diligence. Others who work at Boeing can verify what I say is true, but all I ask is you consider the following based on its own merits.

Q2) Why are you doing this? A) Because there are many cultures at Boeing, and while the executive culture may be throughly compromised since we were bought by McD, there are many other people who still push for a quality product with cutting edge design. My hope is that this is the wake up call that finally forces the Board to take decisive action, and remove the executives that are resisting the necessary cultural changes to return to a company that values safety and quality above schedule.

With that out of the way… why did the left hand (LH) mid-exit door plug blow off of the 737-9 registered as N704AL? Simple- as has been covered in a number of articles and videos across aviation channels, there are 4 bolts that prevent the mid-exit door plug from sliding up off of the door stop fittings that take the actual pressurization loads in flight, and these 4 bolts were not installed when Boeing delivered the airplane, our own records reflect this.

The mid-exit doors on a 737-9 of both the regular and plug variety come from Spirit already installed in what is supposed to be the final configuration and in the Renton factory, there is a job for the doors team to verify this “final” install and rigging meets drawing requirements. In a healthy production system, this would be a “belt and suspenders” sort of check, but the 737 production system is quite far from healthy, its a rambling, shambling, disaster waiting to happen. As a result, this check job that should find minimal defects has in the past 365 calendar days recorded 392 nonconforming findings on 737 mid fuselage door installations (so both actual doors for the high density configs, and plugs like the one that blew out). That is a hideously high and very alarming number, and if our quality system on 737 was healthy, it would have stopped the line and driven the issue back to supplier after the first few instances. Obviously, this did not happen. Now, on the incident aircraft this check job was completed on 31 August 2023, and did turn up discrepancies, but on the RH side door, not the LH that actually failed. I could blame the team for missing certain details, but given the enormous volume of defects they were already finding and fixing, it was inevitable something would slip through- and on the incident aircraft something did. I know what you are thinking at this point, but grab some popcorn because there is a plot twist coming up.

The next day on 1 September 2023 a different team (remember 737s flow through the factory quite quickly, 24 hours completely changes who is working on the plane) wrote up a finding for damaged and improperly installed rivets on the LH mid-exit door of the incident aircraft.

A brief aside to explain two of the record systems Boeing uses in production. The first is a program called CMES which stands for something boring and unimportant but what is important is that CMES is the sole authoritative repository for airplane build records (except on 787 which uses a different program). If a build record in CMES says something was built, inspected, and stamped in accordance with the drawing, then the airplane damn well better be per drawing. The second is a program called SAT, which also stands for something boring and unimportant but what is important is that SAT is *not* an authoritative records system, its a bullentin board where various things affecting the airplane build get posted about and updated with resolutions. You can think of it sort of like a idiots version of Slack or something. Wise readers will already be shuddering and wondering how many consultants were involved, because, yes SAT is a *management visibilty tool*. Like any good management visibilty tool, SAT can generate metrics, lots of metrics, and oh God do Boeing managers love their metrics. As a result, SAT postings are the primary topic of discussion at most daily status meetings, and the whole system is perceived as being extremely important despite, I reiterate, it holding no actual authority at all.

We now return to our incident aircraft, which was written up for having defective rivets on the LH mid-exit door. Now as is standard practice kn Renton (but not to my knowledge in Everett on wide bodies) this write-up happened in two forms, one in CMES, which is the correct venue, and once in SAT to “coordinate the response” but really as a behind-covering measure so the manager of the team that wrote it can show his boss he’s shoved the problem onto someone else. Because there are so many problems with the Spirit build in the 737, Spirit has teams on site in Renton performing warranty work for all of their shoddy quality, and this SAT promptly gets shunted into their queue as a warranty item. Lots of bickering ensues in the SAT messages, and it takes a bit for Spirit to get to the work package. Once they have finished, they send it back to a Boeing QA for final acceptance, but then Malicious Stupid Happens! The Boeing QA writes another record in CMES (again, the correct venue) stating (with pictures) that Spirit has not actually reworked the discrepant rivets, they *just painted over the defects*. In Boeing production speak, this is a “process failure”. For an A&P mechanic at an airline, this would be called “federal crime”.

Presented with evidence of their malfeasance, Spirit reopens the package and admits that not only did they not rework the rivets properly, there is a damaged pressure seal they need to replace (who damaged it, and when it was damaged is not clear to me). The big deal with this seal, at least according to frantic SAT postings, is the part is not on hand, and will need to be ordered, which is going to impact schedule, and (reading between the lines here) Management is Not Happy. 1/2

2/2

However, more critical for purposes of the accident investigation, the pressure seal is unsurprisingly sandwiched between the plug and the fuselage, and you cannot replace it without opening the door plug to gain access. All of this conversation is documented in increasingly aggressive posts in the SAT, but finally we get to the damning entry which reads something along the lines of “coordinating with the doors team to determine if the door will have to be removed entirely, or just opened. If it is removed then a Removal will have to be written.” Note: a Removal is a type of record in CMES that requires formal sign off from QA that the airplane been restored to drawing requirements.

If you have been paying attention to this situation closely, you may be able to spot the critical error: regardless of whether the door is simply opened or removed entirely, the 4 retaining bolts that keep it from sliding off of the door stops have to be pulled out. A removal should be written in either case for QA to verify install, but as it turns out, someone (exactly who will be a fun question for investigators) decides that the door only needs to be opened, and no formal Removal is generated in CMES (the reason for which is unclear, and a major process failure). Therefore, in the official build records of the airplane, a pressure seal that cannot be accessed without opening the door (and thereby removing retaining bolts) is documented as being replaced, but the door is never officially opened and thus no QA inspection is required. This entire sequence is documented in the SAT, and the nonconformance records in CMES address the damaged rivets and pressure seal, but at no point is the verification job reopened, or is any record of removed retention bolts created, despite it this being a physical impossibility. Finally with Spirit completing their work to Boeing QAs satisfaction, the two rivet-related records in CMES are stamped complete, and the SAT closed on 19 September 2023. No record or comment regarding the retention bolts is made.

I told you it was stupid.

So, where are the bolts? Probably sitting forgotten and unlabeled (because there is no formal record number to label them with) on a work-in-progress bench, unless someone already tossed them in the scrap bin to tidy up.

There’s lots more to be said about the culture that enabled this to happened, but thats the basic details of what happened, the NTSB report will say it in more elegant terms in a few years.

[altschmerzes]

🌹 - something to hold onto?

YESSSSS you got it. i wanted to get a lot more done on that last week but. alas. anyways have this, from the 'mac has a horrifically traumatic time in medical after being rescued' portion of part 2.

cw for well. this is called the torturefic for a reason lmao and nothing is Happening but the aftermath of what happened to mac has left him in Bad Condition, physically and mentally.

The CT scan is both better and worse than the physical exam had been. It’s better because although they’re getting imaging of Mac’s neck, it’s at least a process that doesn’t involve anyone making contact with him. Despite the oppressive claustrophobia that comes along with being penned in by the machine, he isn’t actually being touched. And it’s worse because Jack isn’t there.

Adrien and the CT techs were going to let him sit in the little room far enough away that he would be safe. They were willing to bend protocol for situations like this, and it wouldn’t be the first time they had done so. Except that as soon as Mac was situated and about to go into the machine, skin itching at the sense of being so defenceless, he couldn’t stand it and he’d started smacking the side of the gurney like Adrien had told him to if he needed them to stop.

Jack had to leave. The sense that there was someone in the room, out of sight and unable to be identified by a familiarly calloused hand in his, was worse than being in there alone and it made Mac start to panic. The hair-raising sense that someone was there, watching, someone who could do anything to him that he wouldn’t be able to see it coming was just too much for his fried system to process. He feels bad for kicking Jack out of the room, but the feeling is faint and fleeting. At this point, there isn’t much space left in Mac’s mind to feel much of anything new around the constant, fluctuating tide of pain the fear that keeps gnawing at him no matter how many times that he reassures himself — or is reassured by Adrien or Jack — that he’s safe now.

When Jack leaves, he does so without complaint or indication that he’s hurt by the request, which is a relief. He stops and looks back from the doorway, and Mac can’t even muster a reassuring smile for him. Jack sends one of his own instead, his eyes crinkling in a way that makes Mac’s sting like he might cry again. He doesn’t, staring at the ceiling through a strange sheen until he’s sure he can blink without anything coming free, but it’s a near thing.

Thankfully, the CT results don’t show anything life-threatening. It’s about what Mac would have predicted — the damage is bad but it isn’t fatal or permanent. They’ll keep an eye on it, but otherwise it’s time to move on. There are other injuries that need a prognosis.

[sweetponythings]

Tipiskaw International High School Part 10

Beware that this story contains bullying, homophobia, mentions of abusive relationships, transphobia, mental health, heavy subject matter, PTSD, flashbacks. Please take care when reading. (THANK YOU CRIS FOR EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL ART!)

My Dirty Little Secret, Who Has To Know?

Thursday morning had arrived, finally getting towards the end of yet another week. The weekend was the best; soon enough, Jake would be able to spend all day in the bakery with Miriam and Tom, just talking with two of his favourite people in the world while attempting to get some work done at the same time. Jake had his head in the clouds as he sat in the third lesson of the day, biology. He had been up until the early hours of the morning talking to Tom over the phone while he was lying in bed, all the while wishing that the boy was lying there next to him; as a result, he was so tired he could barely concentrate on anything, well, anything except for Tom. The class hadn’t yet started; Jake was sitting at a small table with three other people, Tom, of course, and sitting on the opposite side were Ally Amber and Hunter Page. The two were the sappiest lovebirds in their whole grade but nice enough people and friendly too. The blue-haired boy didn’t mean to, but he kept looking at Tom’s handsome face while the taller boy read a spy novel; he was seemingly obsessed with them. Jake kept thinking about how Connor had expressed his happiness at the success of the buddy system when he called Aiden and Jake into his office the previous week to see how things were progressing; regardless, the older man emphasised to still come to him if there were any issues or anything else that was worrying either of the boys. The only thing that was worrying Jake was the fear of his parents finding out that he was spending so much time with another gay young man, let alone one he was so madly in love with. The mad chatter in the backroom of the biology classroom further fuelled Jake’s mind-wandering thoughts of Tom’s strong arms, his kissable lips, his beautiful eyes, the ugly words his parents would use to describe him, the hatred in their voices, and them wishing that Jake had never been born—

“Morning, everyone! I’ve got a slightly more interesting lesson for you all today.” The class’s science teacher, Karol Jones, had just stepped into the room carrying many cardboard boxes all stacked one upon the other and completely hiding the woman behind them; if it wasn’t for her slightly annoying voice booming out across the classroom, no one would have a clue who it was carrying all of the packages. She was usually miserable and complaining about anything and everything, but today she seemed rather chipper and enthusiastic. The sudden sound of her voice had snapped Jake out of his daydreaming, only then realising just for how long he had been staring straight at Tom’s face while he was reading; Tom hadn’t noticed, luckily, too absorbed in flicking through the pages of his novel, then grabbing his rucksack to put the book away when the lesson had started to begin. Someone who had noticed the staring was Ally, giving Jake a knowing look from behind her black glasses and a suggestive smirk, then jabbing her boyfriend in the side to whisper something in his ear. Jake’s neutral face fell into being noticeably worried. Oh god, were people catching on? What if someone told his parents they had seen him getting so close with Tom? The smaller boy’s change in demeanour was clearly seen by the muscular lad sitting next to him, who then placed his strong hand over Jake’s shoulder to attempt to soothe what the black-haired boy had thought was a bit of anxiety. Jake showed his appreciation with a doe-eyed smile and by patting Tom’s hand where it sat on top of his shoulder; he could never bring himself to push Tom away. Physical touch was just Tom’s way of showing his support.

“Don’t you both look cosy together?” Ally had emphasised every syllable in her teasing sentence, leaning forward across the table towards the two boys, resting her head on her left hand, the comment making Jake blush wildly. Her tone was insinuating and filled with playfulness. “Shut the fuck up, Ally.” Jake muttered lowly, getting a chuckle out of Hunter, which Ally looked highly unimpressed about when she turned to look at her boyfriend’s laughing face. Tom knew Ally didn’t have any malicious intent and gave a light-hearted laugh at Jake’s defensiveness, pulling the short boy closer into his side. “I mean, we’ve been hanging out so much recently; I guess we are very close.” Oh Tom, so loveable but oh so oblivious sometimes… Jake mentally facepalmed as Ally continued giving him those irritating looks.

Karol barked her instructions across the classroom like an army sergeant. “Okay, there are twenty-four of you, so we’ll split you up into six groups of four. Hannah, Jade, Tristan and Benji, you’re group one; Ally, Hunter, Tom and Jake, you’re group two…” The teacher continued to put the teens into the respective groups and then commanded that one person from each group needed to come to the front of the classroom and grab a box that she had brought in and then take it back to their table and wait for her to bring over the tools needed for today’s class. Today’s lesson was learning about the human heart and all of its functions. The cardboard boxes contained hand-made models of hearts that were made of a plastic-silicone-gelatin-like substance, which made the models look highly… realistic. Benji had practically screamed like a child when he reached into his box before anyone was told what the boxes contained inside, reaching in without looking and feeling something ‘super squishy and gross’ then going as white as a sheet when Tristan turned the box on its side and an anatomically correct model of a heart fell onto the table with a splatter; there were even traces of faux blood for added realism.

Ally went to collect the box and was more than disgusted at the sight and was close to screaming when she felt the fleshy texture of the thing. Tom wasn’t the slightest bit fazed, seemingly, and grabbed the model and slapped it down onto the table below without much hesitation, getting some of the red fluid from the model on his hands in the process. While Ally tried to compose herself, Hunter was more morbidly intrigued, picking it up and holding it to the light like some kind of ancient artefact, studying the arteries and muscles. While he laughed at Ally being close to gagging, Jake wasn’t too bothered by the fake organ; he had watched enough horror and slasher movies when he was far too young to be doing so (thanks to Shawn). Jake just wanted the class to be over already so he and Tom could eat lunch together on the grass, and he could observe the way that the taller teen’s ocean eyes sparkled incandescently in the sun’s light. Upon turning to his scar-faced friend, Jake saw an immediate difference in Tom’s disposition. The tall boy was staring intently at his hands, watching the smeared red substance that was all over his fingers, his eyes looking wide and intense. Jake recalled what Tom had told him not long ago; it couldn’t be a pleasant thing to see after all the muscular boy had been through.

Thinking quickly, Jake reached into his bag and pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitiser. He didn’t hesitate to grab Tom’s hands and pull them towards him and then squeeze some of the gel onto Tom’s hands. Tom was still fixated on the red fluid on his digits, unblinking, breathing more heavily than usual. The ponytailed young man then rubbed his hands all over the top of Tom’s; the red fluid then smearing a bit more but soon enough starting to disappear as they were cleansed. “That’s much better, isn’t it, Tom? I hate it when my hands don’t feel clean too…” Jake commented very quietly, not wanting to draw anyone’s attention, still rubbing his hands against the taller boy’s. “Oh, y-yeah. Thanks, Jake.” Although he tried to hide it, Jake knew something wasn’t right for his friend. Jake still gripped onto Tom’s hands, and although the hand sanitiser was now dry, Tom’s hands were growing very clammy, his face looked more pale than usual, and there was sweat starting to bead on his forehead. “Tom? Are you okay?” Tom couldn’t respond with words, just nodding frantically as his eyes darted around the room, then seeing Jake was very much unconvinced when they both made eye contact again. “Tom. Don’t lie to me. If you need to leave, then you tell me or just walk out, okay?” The taller boy took a moment to ground himself, squeezing Jake’s soft and warm hand. Focusing on the touch of his skin rather than the whirlwind going on in his head. Tom’s eyes closed as he took a few deep breaths and then fluttered open once more, directly looking into Jake’s dark ones. “Yeah… okay. I’m feeling better now.”

Jake gave his dear friend an adoring smile and patted Tom’s muscular back. “You’re okay, big guy; everything will be fine.” Hunter and Ally hadn’t noticed a thing about what had just happened between Tom and Jake. Hunter was too busy pretending to throw the fake heart at his screeching girlfriend as she scurried back and forth, not wanting to feel the unpleasant texture of the model again. “Okay, everyone! I’m handing out the boxes that contain the tools now. They are clearly marked with what end you need to open first. These are professionally used items, and they need to be treated as such! Be very careful so you don’t hurt yourselves, all of you!” Karol was coming to ‘group one’s’ table first, and Hunter quickly put the heart back down on the table to avoid being scolded by his teacher, much to the relief of his somewhat horrified girlfriend. Karol then placed a small, rectangular white box on the table. The box had a single red arrow on the top of it, pointing to the end which needed to be opened first, the other end simply saying ‘Warning. Dangerous instrument’ on the other end. The box was about the size of a thin pencil case, made out of hard plastic and completely opaque, not giving any hint to what might lie inside of it. Jake picked up the box curiously and opened the appropriate end, peering inside and seeing a small silver handle.

The blue-haired boy gently teased the tool out from its confines and investigated it, feeling the cool metal in his warm hands. It was a fairly small scalpel with a razor-sharp edge; it glinted in the light of the classroom like polished glass. “Sick, dude. Let me hold it!” Hunter reached forward clumsily, being pulled back by Ally. “Hunter, it’s a knife. It’s fuckin’ dangerous, not a goddamn Pokémon card!” “I dunno, Ally, that thing is just as cool as a holographic Charizard, if you ask me…” Upon hearing the word knife leave Hunter’s lips, Jake heard a heaving breath come from the boy standing next to him. All the colour had drained from Tom’s face again, only this time he looked so much worse. The sweat on his forehead was now running down his face and neck in heavy drops; his eyes were blown wide, staring right at the metal in Jake’s grasp. Jake studied Tom for a few seconds; he was starting to shiver, shaking and trembling with increasingly heavy breaths. The black-haired young man’s mouth was wide open as he desperately gasped, trying to drink in the air around him, none of it getting into his chest as his lungs were feeling like they were burning. Tom’s hands gripped the table in a vice grip, his knuckles turning as white as his scarred face. The traumatised young man looked all around, seeing so many people holding the sharp metal instruments; even his teacher had one. All of a sudden he was in that room again, strapped to that chair, screaming and crying in agony for his mother to please come and save him…

“N-no… Put it away…” The tall, muscular boy muttered with a shaking voice, staring once again at the tool in Jake’s hand. Ally and Hunter had noticed the change in Tom’s body language, looking on with confusion. “Woah… Is he okay?” Hunter asked aloud, tactlessly, getting the attention of more and more of the students in the room; now there were so many eyes on Tom, and Jake realised he was still holding the thing! The blue-haired boy tossed it down onto the table as quickly as he could, the sharp sound of a metallic CLANK getting the attention of almost everyone at this point. Tom stepped back a bit, shuddering and wringing his hands together as he trembled. “Don’t…don’t hurt me…” Jake could feel his heart pounding in his chest while watching the other boy’s previously composed state crumble to dust right before his eyes. “I won't hurt you, Tom! I’d never hurt you! Please just –” Jake reached out to try and touch the other boy, to try and bring him back down to reality. Tom couldn’t respond in any other way than swiftly moving back again when Jake’s hand reached out for him, his breathing turning to panting, not unlike a dog trapped in a hot car. “Tom…what’s going on?” Jake was nearly thrown backwards by the outburst that rapidly came from Tom. “N-no… NO! PLEASE, NO!”

The taller boy ran off like a whippet, dashing straight for the sliding doors at the side of the biology classroom, flinging the sliding glass to the side and running off to find somewhere to hide. Jake looked around frantically, seeing all the staring eyes and then looking at his teacher. “I’m really sorry! We’ve got to go!” Before Karol could respond, Jake was already flying out of the door himself and dashing down the school’s main path, desperately looking left and right in an attempt to spot his friend. Jake searched for what felt like an eternity until his eyes fell onto the grassy verge that he and Tom so often ate together on. Tom was cowering under the shade of the tall oak tree, sobbing loudly and shaking like a leaf. Jake bolted right for him and crouched at his side, pulling him in for a tight hug. “It’s okay, Tom, you’re safe now! I’ve got you! I won’t let anything happen to you…” The boy continued to sob and stutter. “I-I’m…so-so s-s-sorry…” Jake had to use all of his might to not start crying too at the heartbreaking noises his crush was making. “What are you apologising for? You silly thing…” Tom turned to look at Jake, then pulled him in for an even tighter embrace. “I’m supposed to be the one looking after you!” Jake smiled and shushed the sobbing boy, rubbing gentle circles onto his back while his chest heaved. “It’s okay, big guy… Even superheroes like you need a little bit of help sometimes…”

Connor had clearly been alerted about the situation by Karol, running down the path like an Olympic sprinter and kneeling beside Tom once he spotted both of the lads. Reassuring Tom that he was safe now and not in any trouble. It had taken about half an hour for the distraught young man to fully calm back down, still clutching onto Jake with a tight grip as he shook and attempted to drink down some of the water Connor had brought with him. Once Tom was looking a bit better, with more control over his breathing, more colour in his cheeks and less of a tremble in his movements, both Jake and Connor helped lead him to the isolation room where Tom and Jake spent the rest of that Thursday. Lunchtime came along, but Tom couldn’t even bear to look at the miriam had prepared for him, let alone take a bite of it. Tom was slumped against the table, head resting on his arms with his eyes closed. Lethargic and wary, exhausted from all of the fear and panic, Jake thought he looked very similar to how Aiden had not too many days before. Word had travelled like wildfire about Tom’s episode, reaching the ears of his very concerned friends. Gabby and Ellie had texted him incessantly, asking if he was alright, but Tom was too drained to bring himself to reply to the girls. Aiden and James both rushed into the isolation room near the start of lunchtime to set their eyes upon Tom’s pitiful state, both boys being reluctantly ushered away by Connor when he came back in to check on Tom. Connor understood the concern of the e-boy and the Brazilian but reassured them that Tom was doing alright; he just needed some quiet time in a low-stimulation environment. As the final hours of school came slowly ticking by, Jake finally convinced Tom to take a few mouthfuls of his pre-made meal, having to literally spoon-feed him a little bit to get some nutrition and sustenance into the larger man. Jake had even managed to get Tom to laugh a bit when he started making light-heartedly childish aeroplane noises as the cutlery approached his mouth. It was fair to say that soccer practice was cancelled for Tom that night, his mother being called to pick him up early. Before leaving, Tom turned to give Jake the world's tightest hug, thanking the smaller boy for all that he had done for him that day. Jake told him not to mention it; Tom had gone above and beyond for him recently after all…

Jake left the isolation room not long after the school day’s final bell had rung out. Turning around to look back into the room, Connor had told him and Tom that it may be an idea to have the two boys spend all of Friday in there again, just so Tom wasn’t too overwhelmed and they both had a safe environment to do their schoolwork in. After walking out of the room’s backdoor and making his way to the main entrance to walk to the bakery, Jake knew he had to tell Miriam about what had happened today. She knew Tom well since he was a young child. She had to know something about his trauma; maybe she could give some advice on how best to deal with situations like this if they came about again in the future.

Just as Jake was walking out from the school’s gates, someone stepped out in front of him, stopping him right in his path. “Hey, Jake.” It was Riya; she had that awfully strong perfume on again, and her eyes had the sharpness of knives. Jake could almost feel them cutting into him when she looked him in the eye. “What do you want, you evil bitch?” Jake wasn’t in the mood, especially after what had happened to Tom today. Tom’s influence had given him much more confidence when it came to dealing with people who should really be keeping their mouths shut about him. Riya just laughed obnoxiously, but Jake knew inside that she was fuming at him for his response to her. “Oh my god, Hamilton, what if your best friend Connor heard you using such bad language?” Jake still wasn’t backing down, a hand on his hip. “He’d probably agree with me after some of the shit you’ve pulled. How were those detentions, by the way?” Jake gave her a shit-eating grin, and Riya glared at him again in return, stomping her way forward, jabbing him in the diaphragm and slightly knocking him backwards. “Oh yeah? Well, he would probably agree with me that the only reason that Tom is putting his neck out for you so much is as a favour to Connor for looking after him for so long after he got his skin shaved off!” Jake glared right back and pushed himself forward again, trying not to be intimidated by the girl or her words, but although he didn't want them to, her words had started to seep into his mind. Could she be right? Tom did say he would do almost anything for Connor after all of the support that the older man had given him when he was at his lowest.

“Y-you’re bullshitting. Why should I listen to you?” Riya’s face turned into something out of a nightmare. Manic and frightening, her brown eyes could make a rhino run away in fear. “Because deep down you know I’m right, Jake. Why the fuck would Tom care about someone like you? Think about it: all you’re known for here is being Blake’s sloppy seconds; you’re a washed-up loser. Tom is one of the top soccer players in the school; he could go professional if he wanted to. You are NOTHING compared to him; don’t you get that? How could he even want to get together with a pathetic little bitch like you?” Riya lunged forward and jabbed him right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and sending him crashing down to the rough, stony floor below. Tears stung at the corners of Jake’s dark eyes as he hit the floor, gritting his teeth as he tried to push through them. “What do you even mean? We don’t even like each other like that!” Riya tsked and crossed her arms, unconvinced. “Are you fucking kidding me? Everyone can see it, Jake. You’re a desperate whore. You’re madly in love with a man who could never feel the same way about you.” Each word was like a burning dagger to the heart and soul; tears were falling freely now. Riya turned around as if to leave, and Jake felt a bit of relief come over him, but she wasn’t done yet. “Hey, what if your parents found out about you chasing after another man like a lovesick puppy? What would they say? Just think about all of those things they called you last time you were with a guy.” Jake stared at the girl open-mouthed, air not being able to reach his lungs as he remembered. He had told Blake all about what his parents had said to him and what they had called him on that horrible night last August. Riya knew, and Jake knew that she was right. Riya didn’t look back around to see Jake’s face; she knew it would be a look of pure devastation. She finally started to make her way off to her car from the school grounds, calling out a final few words. “See you tomorrow, Jake. Have a good evening, now won’t you?”

Once the blue-haired young man knew that Riya was out of sight, he staggered back to his feet. Half-dazed and with a bit of blood trickling from his forearm, the limb having taken a lot of the impact when Jake hit the floor. The blue-haired young man staggered his way towards the small business; he still had a work shift to attend to. Every word that Riya had spoken whirled around and around in his mind like a flock of evil birds, pecking at each side of his brain with a sharp sting each time he remembered them. Jake walked into the bakery; Miriam immediately saw the dishevelled and distraught state of the boy she cared about so much. Jake rejected talking to her every time that Miriam tried to ask him what was wrong; she wouldn’t even let him behind the counter to serve the customers; he looked far too unwell for that.

Miriam sat him down on a table in the corner to hopefully have him come back to himself a bit and to take the opportunity to patch up his bleeding arm, but Jake still didn't say a word. Jake said nothing for a very long time; he stared into a seemingly endless void as he sat there, looking more like a zombie than the Jake Miriam knew. Riya was right; how could Tom ever love him? Everything he did was to pay Connor back for all of his help back in the day. It wasn’t even like Jake could even dare to be with Tom anyway; his parents would crucify him. Miriam came back over to him after half an hour to see if he was ready to talk, but the only thing Jake uttered was simply, “Can I be excused to the bathroom, please?” Miriam reluctantly agreed, not wanting to let him out of her sight, and watched the boy stagger with hay to the back of the shop. Upon opening the bathroom door, all of that emotion came flooding out of Jake; his knees went weak, and he could no longer hold up his own body weight. The air left his lungs like a deflating balloon as he sank to the floor. Burning hot tears flowed out of his eyes like lava, and sobs and cries forced their way out of his mouth, his body being racked and rattled with the heaves of the heavy expulsions from his lungs. The boy hugged his knees to his chest in the corner of the bathroom floor and cried for the rest of the shift, Miriam standing outside of the door, listening with tears in her own eyes, powerless to do anything to help the poor boy.

Friday morning was a horrible return to the ways that things used to be, with Jake being woken up by the haunting sound of his alarm clock beeping like a roll call to hell. He just wanted to stay there in the safety and warmth of his bed and shut out the rest of the world. He had barely had a wink of sleep after walking home from the bakery; he couldn’t bring himself to tell Miriam any of what happened, and he felt awful seeing the woman’s distraught face as he walked away from the bakery back home last night. The whole day was going to be akin to torture for Jake. Tom had arrived not long after him, and they both made their way to the isolation room together; thankfully he was looking and feeling much more chipper than he had the previous day. The poor, taller teen was also somewhat embarrassed about what had happened the previous day. Jake couldn’t help himself; he felt the need to give the taller teen a tight hug and loving, asking him what on earth he had to be embarrassed about. Tom had done nothing wrong. Jake went out of his way to reassure Tom that he wanted to be there for him regardless of how he felt. That small moment was blissful, but then the reality of everything came crashing back down for Jake as he remembered that Tom could never love him, that he was just looking after him for Connor, and that Jake was nothing in comparison to Tom. The two boys spent the whole day trying to get some work done and listening to music, then just talking about music for all of the rest of the day. Tom also mentioned he wouldn’t be able to visit Jake at the bakery on Saturday and Sunday because he and his mother were out of town for the weekend. They were completely on their own in that room for hours on end, and Jake couldn’t help but notice how physically affectionate Tom was being, more than usual; pulling him for hugs over and over again and patting and stroking his back almost constantly, running his fingers through his hair too. Jake loved Tom's touch; he craved it. He didn’t want to give in to it, but he yearned for it so badly. Even though Jake tried to hide it all day, Tom could clearly tell something was amiss and bothering the smaller boy, although he wasn't quite sure how to bring it up. Tom decided that Jake would tell him if he wanted to when he was ready.

The final bell of the day rang once again; the weekend was officially here. Both Jake and Tom walked side by side to the school's entrance, Jake shivering slightly when he spotted where Riya had confronted him yesterday. Tom was very aware whenever Jake’s demeanour changed; he could spot it from a mile away, it seemed. Putting an arm around Jake’s shoulders and pulling him close, Tom leaned close to his ear and gently asked, “You cold? Let me warm you up a bit; you can have my jacket if you-” Jake snapped around suddenly and looked Tom dead in the eye; Tom could see there were hot tears in Jake’s eyes as he looked at him. “Tom… Be honest, are you just looking out for me as a favour to Connor?” Tom’s eyes went wide, and his left eyebrow raised up high as he looked at the other boy with shock and confusion. “What? Where did you get that idea? I really care about you, Jake.” Tom’s large hand came to grip Jake’s smaller one as he spoke, letting Jake know that he meant what he said sincerely. “Is this what’s been bothering you today?” Jake rubbed away the tears from his eyes and looked away from Tom, unable to form any words. “Jake, listen to me. I care about you so much. At first, it was because when I saw you suffering so much, I saw myself in you, my younger self. I wanted to help you in any way I could, so you didn’t have to suffer like I had. However, as these past weeks have gone on, I’ve realised… I care about you so much; I care about you… more than a friend. I – I like you, Jake! I really do – hell, no, I love you!” Jake's eyes blew wide, pupils shrinking to resemble tiny black beads; he couldn’t comprehend what he was hearing. Tom wanted Jake to respond, to say anything, but Jake didn’t; he couldn't. Tom brought it upon himself to break the silence, reaching towards Jake’s chest with his left hand, gripping the boy’s jacket and pulling him closer; Tom’s right hand went to softly grip underneath Jake’s chin and tilted his face up to look at him. There was a single moment's pause, a single beat, as Tom closed the gap between them and brought his lips to Jake’s.

The taller boy’s eyes fluttering shut as he did so and softly expressed everything he felt for Jake in that one, beautiful action. Jake felt his world stop; time dissolved into nothing. The kiss felt like an eternity, and it was wonderful. Jake realised what was happening and let his eyes flutter shut too, kissing him back lovingly and bringing his arms to wrap around Tom’s muscular back and simply enjoying that amazing moment until they had both pulled away. The realisation of what had just happened hit Jake like a bolt of lightning from the sky. Oh no. What if someone saw? What if someone told his parents? What would they say? Jake’s wide eyes grew terrified as he stumbled backwards from the taller teen; he then turned himself around and sprinted off down the street without uttering a single word to Tom. Jake didn’t even turn around when he heard Tom’s desperate calls of “Jake! Wait!” leave the lips he had just kissed. Tears fell down Jake’s pale cheeks as he ran all the way back home and locked himself in his bedroom for the next two days…

[air-rising]

Ellie Carpenter calls out online abuse but shrugs off her own

“The bigger you get, the more criticism you get.”

Ellie Carpenter is authorised to speak on this subject. Mainly because her football career has got real big, real quick – she is 23, has been playing for global powerhouse Lyon for three years, and been the Matildas’ undisputed starting right-back for even longer.

But also because the peak of that career – playing in a World Cup semi-final in her home country – brought with it criticism which would more accurately be described as abhorrent social media trolling.

It happened in August, when Carpenter failed to clear a long ball that resulted in England’s second goal of the Lionesses’ 3-1 win. It was a mistake that left her visibly “heartbroken” after the match, but it did not warrant what former Socceroos captain Craig Foster described at the time as “vile, misogynistic garbage”.

The abuse forced her to limit replies on social media, which were also flooded with supportive messages from fans, friends and teammates, including captain Sam Kerr, who told media she was “mentally one of the toughest kids I’ve ever met in my life”.

Sometimes it is hard for an outsider to know how much this “outside noise” – as many sports people, including Carpenter, call it – affects the individual at its centre. For some, it can devastate mental health and on-field performance. If that is the case with Carpenter, you wouldn’t know it.

Two months after the World Cup, she has been back in the thick of it with Lyon, who are once more top of France’s Division 1 Feminine table, and is now back in Australia answering questions about online abuse she would probably rather not be answering.

“To be honest, I don’t really read or look into that,” she says in Perth, where the Matildas are preparing to play three Olympic qualifiers.

“It doesn’t really affect me at all, because I do a job for my team and myself. I don’t really listen to outside noise. I had a great support system around me during that time, and just during the whole World Cup really.

“It [online abuse] is everywhere these days, and that just shows that the bigger you are, or the bigger you get, the more criticism you get. That comes with being a professional athlete as well.

“You see it everywhere in different leagues, different sport codes. So obviously it’s a problem, and I know a lot of people are trying to make apps and platforms to try and stop abuse and things like that, so that’s good that people are aware of it and are trying to change it.”

Carpenter is an old, independent soul for her 23 years. When she contested the World Cup, she did so after recovering from an ACL rupture, in another country, and opting for little personal support except from her partner and teammate, Dutch international Daniëlle van de Donk.

“You have to grow up very quickly,” she says. “I moved out of home when I was 15 and was living by myself, so you grow up automatically.

“I didn’t really get much downtime [after the World Cup]. You just kind of go straight into a new season, so you don’t really have time to reflect or stop for a second.

“But it’s been incredible to see the aftermath of the World Cup and what we’ve done in football and Australia, and for women as well. I can definitely be proud of that.”

Carpenter is allowing herself to enjoy her time in Perth. She was released early by her club and arrived over the weekend, so enjoyed a couple of extra days to recover from jet lag.

[dragonthunders01]

Spectember D15: Posthumans

5 million years has been since the last human being die on earth, but is a world still ruled by humans, or what descended from them.

All started for the struggle for a civilization that collapsed in a cataclysmic event of interplanetary scale that annihilated the biosphere and a good chunk of the human population, for sure it was not pollution or the man’s hand, or even something like an asteroid, maybe was an extraterrestrial invasion? A supernova? Whatever was this event, it was strong enough it pulled out a civilization that was already on their early steps on traveling to star systems and already was settled across the solar system, it was the endgame for all of them.

The last remaining survivors did the best to stand and find ways to perpetuate the species, but when options at short term turned useless there was a last hope to humanity to survive until the world they live on would recover, they focused the last resources on build a vault designed to last until the habitable conditions of earth returned and repopulate the planet thanks to thousands of human specimens samples that could be born and reclaim the world in the future helped by the synthetic hands of long term lasting artificial intelligences.

Though whatever happened in the planning, something went wrong, something caused to make those restored humans to be shaped into what was sort of similar to them but more ape like, was this deliberated or if it was an inconvenient? if it was ideal for mankind to rise like their ancestors or if this “devolution” was something sketched for the artificial systems as a way to secure their offspring for a systematic failure? Is another question which will likely have no proper answer, but the result of this turned at the end successful for the survival of the biological lineage of humans.

When that humanity arose of the ruins of the again habitable earth, they sort of resembled lanky shorter versions of a chimp, brownish, with a more developed diet thanks to a modification in their digestive system and dentition allowed them to exploit every resource available as generalist omnivores. These creatures which could be called the "woodland dwellers" conquered most of the continent in matter of centuries, they did not need transport or technology to do it, they just traveled, wandered like their ancestors although they no longer were bipedal.

They started somewhere in Eurasia, eventually crossing to new regions and in a thousand years the majority of the world that was easy to access through routes was filled with these, all of them started to establish wherever food was easy to find, then came those that started to venture in new environments, new climates, migrated across continents.

In 50 thousand years, there were new populations that isolated themselves and became adapted to their respective environments: Tundra, Grasslands, canopies, the deserts, the coasts and seas, rivers, etc., all product of constant migration and colonization of new terrains.

100 thousand years, few ice ages went and came, they have turned the balance of diversity further towards speciation at a rhythm that only will benefit those species that can be flexible to change, they manage to colonize America, as well expand towards Africa and many of the island regions across the pacific ocean somehow reaching up to Australia, and so conquered most of the planet with exception of Antarctica.

1 million years, many of those ecologically adapted or regionally isolated populations have turned into different species, they still resemble the woodland dweller to a degree but they have changed considerable depending of their environment, with new behaviors, sizes and faces.

3 million years, the world was starting to see the new men shapes, some robust, some more slendy than their ancestors, some agile, some slow walkers, bipedal, facultative bipedal, quadrupeds, a lot of them took advantage of being the only dominant megafauna to reign as only a handful of small surviving mammals, resilient birds and many reptiles and amphibians represent competition, some have started to take over but it will be a long time until the posthumanity is dethroned from their state, meanwhile the oceans and rivers are dominated by shark and fishes, though there were already the start of a branch of the human dwelling species that became semiaquatic, their evolutionary path is increasingly fast.

And now 5 million years hence, a lot of these new posthuman species have specialized and turned even more different of their ancestral form, many look like an amalgamation between different animals with features of many of their gone monkeys and ape relatives. For things of natural selection and that speciation the new species that evolved of the isolation for the last 2 million years have migrated and now claimed another place on other continents, especially in America which in these million years saw a wave of posthuman species that replaced many of the endemic species, and some of those moved towards Asia. These ecosystems have one of everything, browsing or grazing herbivores, specialized prey eaters (insectivores, mollusk eaters, scavengers), varied lineages of omnivores, and full carnivores.

Specifically one of the carnivore lineage that evolved of the original "Woodland dweller" came from a specialized form reduced in size, adapted on hunting small animals and after millions of years these started to increasingly expand their prey range, growing in size as they replaced previous predatory forms that became stagnated. With the new diversity of the posthuman formed ecosystem growing in complexity, the new predatory forms could rise to hunt these down. Some are fast small prey hunters, some became more arboreal, some are more prominent on the grassland or mountains, all of them came in a considerable range of sizes from the extinct domestic cat to a panthers, but upon the appearance of large herbivores, a new more formidable and heavier predator evolved, this was the Spiketooth.

Spiketooths are among the largest terrestrial carnivores of earth, with a height of 2.3 meters tall and weight some 300 kg, their range extend across Eurasia, coming on the most temperate regions, they are heavy predators adapted for ambush and wrestling their prey into submission rather than fast hunt and kill. They hunt down large posthumans like the Eurasian slothmen, heavy descendants an arboreal heavy species from Africa that resemble a ground sloth, though formidable fighters with their long hand claws, or the armored species like the Temperate Lockskin, fatty and hairless posthumans that are semi bipedal, descendants of the tundra species that moved to the tropics and lost their fur due to the climate they live on, turning their skin very robust made against medium size predators, they often hold a handful of small sized gibbon like posthumans that feast on parasites and live in sort of symbiosis with their host Lockskin, often even being able to warn these of the incoming attack of a spiketooth.

This large carnivore evolved specifically to deal with the thought skin of these animals, with hypertrophied conical incisive that often pressure and cut through the hardest epidermis and are capable to pierce any defense of the large forms, with their carnassial teeth they are capable of tear down and cut with quite efficacy the meat of their prey, often taking also chunks of bones if they are capable off.

[kingbryancroidragon]

ThunderCats Idea: On the Subject of Mumm-Ra

For quite a bit I've been talking about if I were to do my own ThunderCats series and it has been focusing on the cats themselves, but I actually want to talk about Mumm-Ra and how he would be.

To start, Mumm-Ra would be not be a unique being, but a member of a cabal of evil sorcerers operating from the shadows, each with a different motif. One would have an Aztec motif for instance. One of the many things they would represent is Man's fear of the Unknown and would actively try to keep it that way to the point of assassinating anyone who tries to prove their existence.

I've said that Thundera would be a diarchy, have a two-king system, with one king being a tiger and the other a lion. Javan, Tygra's father in the 2011 series, would have been Tygra's father as well, his predecessor as the House of Tigris' King of Thundera. Javan would be so close to proving that Mumm-Ra and his cabal are real only to come to the realization too late Mumm-Ra has been manipulating Thundera for centuries under the identity of Pumm-Ra, a mysterious cougar who seems to have always been in the inner circle and is strangely the only non-Pantherine cat to have any position of authority as Thundera's chief minister, leading to rumours that Pumm-Ra is so wealthy that he literally bought the position. Javan would be found dead the next morning in his office, just seeming like he suddenly passed for no reason.

As Pumm-Ra, Mumm-Ra would manipulate things so Thundera was always in a state of quasi-perpetual war and may or may not have been responsible for Thundera's imperialism and warmongering that has in turn corrupted it. Having read about the Claudus from "ThunderCats Roar", where he was a tyrannical jerk, I would play that seriously and combine it with 2011 Claudus, who showed favouritism and was a bit racist, but twist it because, after Claudus lost his parents at a young age, he was practically raised by Mumm-Ra as Pumm-Ra, resulting him being a combination of those two portrayals.

Claudus' favouritism and racism would be played differently. His favouritism would be for an older biological brother of Lion-O who predeceased him and would generally hold all non-Pantherine cats with contempt, except for Pumm-Ra. The older brother of Lion-O would have actually died in a brawl. The character of Lion-S from "Roar" would also be re-imagined as a more serious character, an older sibling of Lion-O who was stepped over. In Thundera, age would take precedence over gender.

It would eventually be revealed that the real reason Claudus stepped over Lion-S is that Lion-S isn't Claudus' daughter, she would be Lion-O's half-sister due to a rough period in Claudus and his wife's marriage that led her to seek happiness in the arms of another man. Not Mumm-Ra, I am assuring you that it was not Mumm-Ra as Pumm-Ra. 2011 Mumm-Ra calling Pumyra "Beloved" was bad enough.

Following the death of Lion-O's brother, Mumm-Ra would become far less concerned with Thundera, viewing Lion-O and Tygra as harmless. It wouldn't be until the reforms they introduce start helping Thundera and peace treaties are successfully made that Mumm-Ra would realize that they are a threat to him and his cabal. The realization that Pumm-Ra actually is Mumm-Ra would be like an end of season thing with the climax being a battle between Mumm-Ra, the first time we actually see him as Mumm-Ra instead of Pumm-Ra, and the ThunderCats.

What would the motives of Mumm-Ra and his cabal be? Well, that would be connected to the fear of the unknown thing. They'd be these beings of unknown origin with equally unknown motives who would occasionally make cryptic reference to some "Ancient Spirits."

But, that's enough of that. Does it make sense, maybe not. Is it a great idea? Maybe not. Still, just getting it out there.

[galbadiaedeakramer-blog]

Resident Evil 9 enthusiasm and a potential Clesker crumb.

It's been a long since I posted, but I didn't want to leave out my excitement for the new trailer. Grace Ashcroft is an adorable character, that I know I'll enjoy. The return to Raccoon City, has me all in guys. Even the Outbreak characters are discussed, mainly Alyssa Ashcroft, my mvp in the game.

I am quite excited about this entry and will make a purchase on day one.

With that said, I would like to share some information with my fellow Clesker lovers about a little location called the "Apple Inn". "The Apple Inn"

First mentioned and used in Outbreak File #2 "Hellfire" scenario.

"The Apple Inn was a mid-sized hotel located close to the city's business district. Its primary customers in the late 1990s were tourists who benefited from its affordable prices for rooms, offering $25 per night for single bedrooms.

Despite its prices, the inn nonetheless offered the appearance of a more refined establishment, with a restaurant on its ground floor and antiques as well as a courtyard in the center. The hotel changed owners in 1998, and saw a further change in the hotel. The security system saw upgrades and security was expected to make regular patrols, though was unpopular among the staff due to concerns it was inconveniencing their duties.

An elaborate art installation was also introduced to the bedrooms; a series of paintings of European castles were placed around the inn against a switch which connected to a light-up map of Europe in Room 204. This art piece was not liked by its guests, with the occupant of Room 204 being kept awake by the lights flicking on and off, and the other guests believing them not to work at all.

On 23 September, a strain of t-Virus contaminated Raccoon City's drinking supply, leading to a rapid spread of Cannibal Disease across the region and triggering the Raccoon City Destruction Incident. In the opening hours of the crisis hotel guests, workers and refugees from the street sought safety in the inn. By evening however, a fire had erupted within the building though the exact cause is not certain as fires had quickly spread throughout the city already, though its origin may lie with a gasoline tanker that exploded on the embankment adjacent to the inn earlier that evening that resulted in an inferno."

"During the Outbreak in 1998, many individuals sought refuge at The Apple Inn as their final hope."

One of the refugees, happened to be Ada Wong's liaison in Umbrella Chronicles. Ada, following her heartbreaking departure from Leon, was saved by Albert Wesker. More than likely through an employee of his, that remained in the city. A liaison to Ada Wong, awaiting for the G-Virus sample she was tasked with, hid at the Apple Inn while awaiting an update on the mission. Believing her to have failed and without a means of escape, he killed himself in the lead-up to the Presidential authorization of a missile strike.

"Hey Ada!"

The Apple Inn also housed many familiar guests we see through out the series.

Dario, from Resident Evil 3 and Remake 3.

The Band Big E, who were regulars at the hotel are mentioned in Resident Evil 3 and Remake 3.

"Hey Jill!"

"One of the band members left their ring, and the hotel made a commemorative medal for them."

What is the objective except bringing you lovely people lore?

In my opinion, the hotel also served as a drop-off point for other nefarious activities. Some were certainly hinted at throughout Raccoon City's lore, and others remain unknown. So I would not be surprised if people like Albert Wesker used that location for drop off points, meet ups or sending his employees to that location.

Which leads me to our darling Claire Redfield, who frequently traveled to Raccoon City to see her brother. A college student who probably wants to save money and find a place to crush other than Chris's bachelor home. Would most certainly accept the option to stay at a more convenient location.

":)"

This is an old registration log from a few months ago before the outbreak, and Claire's name is written in the book. Make of that what you will, but I had to bring back an Outbreak Easter egg, because of 9.

Enjoy Claire fans.

[theizzifromosaka]

I'm Back

Remember when I made those monster categories and said I'd test them out? I went out and looked for some monsters from various sources to try and categorize, and my system mostly holds up.

Here's that post btw, TL:DR the categories were Natural, Extraterrestrial, Paranormal, Artificial and Deific

Reporting my findings, source by source:

Pokemon are mostly what you'd expect. Mostly Natural, a few Paranormal, extraterrestrial and Artificial and a handful of Deific.

There were a few interesting cases I found all in the same vein, where the Pokemon appears artificial or supernatural but is organic

Digimon isn't all that complicated past the initial concept, they're interdimensional beings who can only exist in digital form outside of their home dimension, so they're all Extraterrestrial.

Classic Movie Monsters are once again pretty simple for the most part, but things unexpectedly started to get a bit complicated here.

Dracula, The Wolf Man and The Mummy are all paranormal, Frankenstein adds Artificial to that and the Gill-Man is completely Natural. Surprisingly it was the Invisible Man that threw a wrench into the works, his story is he developed a chemical that rendered him permanently invisible, which I initially made a judgement call on and placed into Supernatural.

Toho is where my earlier judgement call would have to be made again, and where I initially considered making a new category. A lot of weird monsters come from here.

First, a few of the easy ones. Mothra has some vague details in her backstory but it's pretty clear she's either Paranormal or Deific. Jet Jaguar is a human made robot so he's Artificial and Mechagodzilla is a robot of extraterrestrial origin so he's Extraterrestrial/Artificial and many others such as Gigan are simply aliens.

The guy Goji himself, as well as several other monsters such as Biollante and Orga, however, brought up the same issue as The Invisible Man. My phrasing of Paranormal in my previous post was simply "things that should not exist", which ends up encompassing these monsters in a way I didn't really expect.

Godzilla and Orga are monsters who started off much more ordinairy before being mutated in differnt ways, and Biollante and The Invisible Man were intentionally mutated. As a result, I'm considering adding a new category for creatures like this:

Mutant

An otherwise normal creature that has been altered in a significant way, usually ending up as something completely unique

I'm still not sure about this as a category, and I may also change the description to exclude Cyborgs, or the name to better include them, which the description I wrote is vague enough to encompass.

Yu-Gi-Oh also introduces a new complication, though this one's pretty easy to sort out. Specifically, many of its monsters exist in many states which vary the monster's categorization.

The first stage that includes just about every Yu-Gi-Oh monster is the in universe and IRL card games, in which the monster's categorization heavily relies on the card's flavor text if it's present, and must be intuited if not.

The second stage which includes very few monsters is the in universe origins of the monsters depicted on the cards, which don't vary as much as they work very similarly to Jojo stands or Personas from the Persona series. They're mostly supernatural, with exceptions including the Egyptian Gods, who would be Deific.

The same separation concept exists in Scooby-Doo funnily enough (maybe it's a hyphen thing), where there's the perceived nature of the monster, for instance Space Kook being an alien or The Phantom being a ghost, and the creature's true nature as a regular human, which I guess would put them under the Natural category.

Scooby-Doo will occasionally subvert this trope by having the monster being real, such as Charlie the Robot being an actual robot or the Zombies in Zombie Island being real. There are many examples, though the series has been going on for so long it's still relatively underutilized. Other than that it's usually straightforward.

I still need to see if "Mutant" is even necessary, and if it is it needs to be reworked, but my system held up surprisingly well.

[hip-nautics]

Levi, Being Present, Utilitarianism, and Ideologies

So Levi is not an "ideologies" guy. This is because ideologies usually look forward to some abstract ideal of a future, and Levi is focused on the *present*. This leads me to believe that Levi has exceptional mindfulness and being in the present, which is something that many of us, myself included, struggle to achieve. This is the kind of thing that people say meditation is good for, and they even call it a "practice", as in you have to "practice" meditation and mindfulness techniques, because this doesn't come naturally to most people. Most people are caught up in past or future, rarely living completely in the present. The benefits of being fully in the present and mindfulness are plentiful, and I don't need to go into them here. I'm also digressing from the main point of this post, so let me get on with it.

I'll copy an excerpt from a book I'm reading, "The Power of Now", by Eckhart Tolle:

"You will not have any doubt that psychological time is a mental disease if you look at its collective manifestations. They occur, for example, in the form of ideologies such as communism, national socialism or any nationalism, or rigid religious belief systems, which operate under the implicit assumption that the highest good lies in the future and that therefore the end justifies the means. The end is an idea, a point in the mind-projected future, when salvation in whatever form -- happiness, fulfillment, equality, liberation, and so on -- will be attained. Not infrequently, the means of getting there are the enslavement, torture, and murder of people in the present."

So the last sentence is a clear example of why Levi is not an ideologies kind of guy, because he understands this. The "highest good" that lies somewhere in the "future" is obviously not always guaranteed, and to Levi, doesn't justify the enslavement, torture, murder, or otherwise harm done to people in the *present*.

The only thing, then, that I'm finding contradiction with is the part about the "end justifying the means". In philosophy, the belief that the end result justifies the means is usually called Utilitarianism: as long as the end result was for the greater good, the means to get there doesn't matter (too much). The opposite would be Deontologist philosophy, which is that the only thing that matters are the *intentions* or the *means* of getting the end result, the actual end result doesn't matter.

Okay, so obviously I believe Levi is a Utilitarian. I think he cares about the end result being good, and he's okay with the means of getting there being not quite so good, as long as the end result was good. I'm thinking of his time in the Underground and what he may have had to do to protect and care for Furlan and Isabel, which may have included violence, theft, etc. There should be more examples of this too, but anyway it should be obvious that this is what he believes.

But on the other hand...if the "end justifying the means" is what characterizes ideologies, then how does one reconcile that? Well, I guess the simple answer to that is that even though ideologies may *propose* to be for the greater good (communism, nationalism, etc) there usually is some corruption, ulterior motives, and inefficiency in the application of the ideology, and also just uncertainty in that goal actually being attained. I think this is why Levi typically does not think the end justifies the means when it comes to bigger ideologies, because he simply doesn't believe (rightly so) in the promise of the "greater good" that they try to propose.

One remaining thought and question I have, then, is about Levi's sacrifices for the goal of the Survey Corps. He was okay with sacrificing so many of his comrades lives for the cause of the "greater good" because that's what his *comrades* believed in, and in valuing and honoring his comrades lives, he took their beliefs under his own responsibility to execute. In other words, these sacrifices were made only to give his comrades' lives value, and meaning, not because he necessarily agreed with the sacrifices himself. So I'm curious whether his *own* personal belief is that their sacrifice of their lives were *not* worth the end cause, because what they were fighting for was an *ideology*, and to him, ideologies about some abstract *future* are not worth the sacrifice of their lives in the *present*. To tie this back to the beginning of the post, the lives of his comrades, their *present* lives, were more valuable and worthy to him than their sacrifice for some uncertain, future "greater good" ideology. Like, I guess, would this have been his personal belief that he just pushed to the side, because his desire to honor and give meaning to his comrades lives was greater than his own personal belief?

[a-personiftranslator]

So You Want To Eat A Personification

One day, it was asked what personif would taste like.

Well, it depends on your relation to that personif, the part of the personif you’re eating, how you’re eating the personif, and which personif you’re eating. The Foundation is agreed by all to be very unpleasant except for O5-10 Kay Martin, and they drink coffee the way they drink coffee, so I don’t think they’re the best judge on taste anyway.

Meat and other bodily parts taken from a dead personif will of course be different from such sliced or siphoned from a living one. Blood often becomes tasteless, which is, according to Geog, the reason so many people in the modern day worship the HRE. They ingested his blood accidentally through the water supply.

Blood is the most common part of personif consumed, due to its significance in human culture as a whole, its relatively easy acquisition, and the fact it won’t kill you instantly if it’s your first time eating personif the way cerebrospinal fluid would. If you are eating the blood of a personif for the first time and have not had exchange for very long with them, 1) please compare your existing knowledge of the personif to the BITE model one more time to make sure she’s not actually a cultspirit because a lot of cultspirits do this to signal that you’re taken to other personifs, 2) your safe dose is less than a cup. Exact dosages that will not result in you falling violently ill vary depending on person, but generally if you start feeling nauseous, stop and drink a normal liquid.

Fat and muscle are also relatively beginner-safe parts of a personif to try. The most common places of harvest are the thighs and forearms for reasons that are immediately apparent if you look at an impact play safety guide.

Organs! Now, I hope I don’t have to say that unless you have been provided with an adequate explanation for how they were able to source organ meat from a living personif that doesn’t entail torture, you probably shouldn’t eat it and it would be wise to leave immediately and call anyone other than the SCP Foundation. Assuming you are sure the kidney on your table was sourced somewhat ethically, I’ll run through a list of some major organs and explain what they might taste like based on common symbolism associated with them. For OTJs and STJs, because NTJs don’t take as well to being eaten in general.

Eyes: they’re often crunchy like glass and may cut your mouth like glass would, but I’ve never put glass in that particular orifice of my body so I wouldn’t know. I also have never eaten an eye because the texture freaks me out.

Nose: it has been universally reported that it will taste the way the personif’s true body smells.

Lips: lecterns and mass protests.

Neck: I’ll be talking about that on @yourcityisanomega.

Heart: do NOT eat this unless you know the personif personally because you WILL die. I cannot emphasize enough that with these fuckers symbolism is everything. If you do know the personif well enough to not die, I can’t give you any pointers on the taste other than that it will be very strong, and you’ll likely feel as if you’re on the sugar high of your life afterward. Because you are. You’re high. You’re eating a creature made out of your own thoughts. You probably need to reevaluate your work-life balance. How are your children doing? Do you have children at all? Did you want to before you met this personif? (And for the love of the god that you’ve replaced with her don’t have children WITH the personif it’s got a higher chance of going wrong than fucking your sibling will and also if you know the personif that well you’re probably in charge of a major part of her and that’s dubcon by default.)

Liver, kidneys, anything part of the urinary system: it’s going to smell and taste like the wastewater treatment plant no matter what you do because that’s what it fucking is. Just don’t eat it.

Lungs: again, it’s going to taste the way the true body smells, but the texture will be much more interesting.

Anything in the endocrine system: odd choice, but okay. This is also probably a bad idea to eat as an initiation ritual because you’ll feel like a teenager all over again, and if you’re eating the adrenal glands, you’ve got a high chance of developing an anxiety disorder.

Stomach, intestines, anything in the digestive system: it might taste like actual food. Highly recommend if you’ve known the personif long enough for it not to be a shock. (I really like beef tripe so I’m probably biased on this.)

Reproductive system: @yourcityisanomega.

Brain/cerebrospinal fluid: if you’re not prepared the trip will be worse than Datura. Don’t. Just don’t. It is a controlled substance and you could be arrested, assuming you survive at all. Even a drop of the stuff can knock you out for days reliving the personif’s worst memories. And then you’ll spend the rest of your very short life doing nothing but worshipping them.

Now, why would you want to do any of this?

You might be curious—Geog definitely was. Or you might be French and this isn’t that far removed from your normal diet. But the most likely reason is that you want to ensure that someone can take you out of your personif, but they’ll never take your personif out of you. Eating them facilitates exchange and allows you a slight window into their mind, while you become more susceptible to their influence. Throughout history, many groups have drunken small amounts of personif blood to increase unity in dire situations, or larger amounts as a test of loyalty. The O5 Council requires daily consumption of Ira Siegel for a few months by those undergoing training for the position.

But exchange means letting an outside force manipulate your thoughts, and too much of it turns you into the personif’s puppet, or a very messy codependent father-daughter relationship like with Aaron and Ira. For those who don’t build up tolerance, the shock can kill.

I blame the goihumans discord server for everything.

[liauditore]

hi i have returned opinions on secret life so far? (also any idea why bigb’s secret animation was different to everyone else’s?) :D

hi hi i have so many Thoughts that i will definitely miss Something but. lots of things. spoilers for ep1 under the cut obvs.

why is every ship getting crumbs. literally all of them. what is wrong with everyone wtf. (except treebark. treebark girlies stay losing)

new mechanic is insanely hype and i am going a little bit feral over it. i've been wanting a UHC-style season for a long time and this seems a great way to kind of. entertainment-fy it i suppose? cus as much as i wanted straight up UHC i can totally understand why players like joel or skizz or scar would struggle hard in that sort of ruleset and it wouldn't be very fun to watch as a result.

i'm a bit.. tentative about the more acknowledgment of the Lore this time around? On one hand i love it and i think it's incredibly cool but on the other hand i know well that lore can eat a series alive if let out of control. Especially when fans start getting pushy about their theories and disappointed when inevitably things aren't as explained or thoroughly confirmed or straight up forgotten. (<-- fnaf fan. i have seen it. it is horrible)

that being said i have trust in grian specifically to handle it well and not go off the deep end with it cus a good chunk of the viewers don't know/care for the lore and if it becomes a Big Thing then a lot of people are gonna end up feeling alienated and confused.

i LOVED Bigb's episode and i think it's like. the ideal way to incorporate lore into a series like this. the way you can Feel that something is off rather than it being explicitly shown. you can choose to write it off or dig deeper. it's good juice. I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again -- Bigb is easily one of the strongest roleplayers on the entire server and his editing REALLY sells it hard. He really melts into what's happening rather than getting up on a platform and shouting THIS PART IS IMPORTANT. LOOK AT ME. which i really appreciate as a kind-of honorary former theatre kid.

but yeah tl;dr i think lore/fan theories should be left to the fandom mainly otherwise it starts getting weird. that being said i trust the life series ppl and can't wait to see what's going on with this season.

now if i may be unhinged myself. i def agree with the theory that Something is up with Bigb's task and maybe whatever gave it to him is trying to mess with the game.

Bigb and Mumbo specifically I felt were acting.. a little OOC the whole episode? Bigb was very much on purpose i think and i reckon mumbo's just excited to be back lol but its fun to think about

the task system has a lot of potential for. fanfic symbolism fuel. i mentioned this on my spam blog i think but something something about the way the players' tasks almost seem to. mock them? a little bit?

like pearl's being to "earn" people's hearts after she failed to make any connections throughout double life and has been somewhat isolated the whole series. bdubs being known for his efficient and beautiful builds being told to make something ugly and useless. scott being implicitly called a parasite with his history of teaming and latching onto one specific person each season. etc. etc.

the teams this time around are looking interesting and i think it's worth noting how it almost feels like.. the opposite of limlife a bit? with how slow and cautious everyone has to play. it seems like over half the server haven't really even joined up with anyone yet which is intriguing. (im personally praying for a scar/jimmy team up. just cus scott said they wouldn't make it lol)

which is great for me cus i loved limlife but the chaoticness of everything did kind of. make deaths less impactful i think? if i see another sky bridge i might scream

im very. of two minds about the scott and impulse team up. because if you dig through my blog you'll see i have kind of a history of being unhinged about those two and their parallels. but i have the sneaking suspicion that their actual dynamic will be like nothing i had in mind lmao

overall i am very excited but trying to control my expectations

also um MUMBO AND LIZZIE ARE BACK AND GEM IS IN THE SERIES AND MUMBO AND LIZZIE AND THUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS--

[bottlecapping]

A little bit on Charon's Origins:

From: A compound that boasts it has the best "hired guns" available. A lucrative and well-known business with a reputation for providing loyal, unnervingly obedient operatives for prices too steep for the average wastelander. The fighters are supplied by raising children in an intensely resource-competitive culture.

The compound children, to some success, are given shelter and protection from danger outside of the compound. Combat training and education (which is mostly propaganda and manipulation) is compulsory. The children that survive the brutal system long enough are assigned to an individual - henceforth known as their "Employer" - who oversees the last chapter of their education and turn them into ideal bodyguards. Their methods are high-risk to their wards, but it comes with a record of satisfying their wealthy customers.

Children, generally ones that compete well and show the most potential, are entered into a database where the most discriminating of customers can (for a large sum) select and alter the education of their choosing. Ultimately, so that the buyers can shape the temperament or skillsets of their future bodyguards.

Young orphans are common in the wasteland, and though accepting the compound's deal meant certain despotic rule, many such orphans traveled there to take those odds rather than face the wasteland on their own. These only make up one source of the children ranks.

Charon was raised here. Defiant, difficult to break, exceptional marksman.

Charon was selected by a de-thawed pre-War big shot executive, from a bunker nearby. Learned of the Compound from a neighboring vault that does trade with the compound. These trade-deals sometimes included the promise of viable children for one of their "hired guns". Vault dwellers understood the appeal of having someone competent and ruthless watching one's back in the wasteland, and they had to leave to upkeep their vault. They shared that sentiment with the Exec, who was allowed to remain at that vault until their bodyguard's graduation and purchase of contract.

There were several mandates by Charon's would-be employer as he was being educated at the compound. The Exec (we'll call em for now) wanted someone who, if asked to speak around the Exec's peers, would be well-mannered and formal, so Charon was provided tutoring for this between combat training. He was also given an expensive supply of medications for growth enhancement and stimulants.

Charon's employer was also an audiophile; had an impressive collection of holotapes, accounting for Charon's taste and appreciation for music.

Charon's ghoulification was a direct result of orders followed by the Exec. The command urged him into radiated danger.